# Trainer Trouble!! (Rant?)



## spurstop (Mar 22, 2012)

Find someone else who will actually teach you and not belittle you.

It's not worth it if you are miserable.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

She sounds kind of abusive and definitely a lot too much moody. I'd go elsewhere. Her barn isn't the only barn out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

I would leave. Riding should be something you enjoy. You dont need someone cutting you down. Find somewhere else.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Time to find another barn and trainer. This relationship has run its course.


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## mselizabeth (Oct 29, 2011)

I agree with the above poster. I had a jerk of a trainer once to. He lasted about a month before I found a new one. 

Get a new trainer.


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## SEAmom (Jan 8, 2011)

I agree. Time to move on. Take what you've learned and the things you've accrued through showing with her and find a new place. You're young and willing to help - a lot of places like kids like you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Go find a new trainer. A lot of trainers woud love to have a kid to help them out. I'm not even a trainer, but I have quite a few horses, and I would LOVE to have a kid come help out for the privilege of 'ruining' a 21 y.o. that probably should have been retired eons ago. 

There are trainers who get a bug in their nether regions and start beating up their clients. The good news? She'd probably do it to an adult if she had one as a client. They tend to be particularly bad at shows. I had gone to a show with one, and mind you I wasn't riding just showing halter. At the show was a vendor and I bought a Western Pleasure Rail Shirt without consulting her first. This shirt was in my size, and on sale for $100 and was normally a $400 shirt and looks amazing with my horses, ALL of them. Anyway, she threw a wingding at me and got pretty abusive and of course, hated the 'hideous' shirt. Then she took off on a couple of the other clients at the show. 

A/I've been showing for 30+ years and dressing myself for a lot longer. 

B/I didn't take that kind of abuse from my mother when I was a kid, why on earth would I start now? 

C/ She was just plain disrespectful of everyone because of her show nerves. Not my problem. 

I stood up without saying a word and went and got my horses. I led them out of the barn and told my husband to please go home and get our truck and trailer ( I had let the trainer trailer up because it was cheaper than the gas for the truck would have been) and went over to another trainer and asked if they had a couple of spare stalls. 

My trainer followed, hollering and asking what I was doing. I told her I was taking my ugly, pitiful, ill trained horses (oooops, whose fault would THAT be?) home and was not coming back. I understand the after they got home more than 1/2 of the horses left her barn. I just got mad enough that I didn't wait til we got home. 

That hideous shirt? I still have it, still show in it right up to the regional level and I still LOVE it and hers were the only negative words I've ever heard about the shirt. I now have amazing trainers for the same amount of money (4 years later) and I'm much happier!


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## calicokatt (Mar 5, 2012)

This doesn't sound like its about your immaturity, it sounds like its about hers. Find a different trainer if at all possible.


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Thank you to those who shared their opinions  I just feel like maybe she wasn't being that bad, maybe it was just me? I needed to hear from others :/

The only problem is, lessons here are free. Money is *extremely* tight for our family right now. Like, we need 2000 we don't have right now. There is a stable that is close that I -really- want to go to, but we can't afford lessons :/ Even just one a week. The barn offers group lessons for 30 bucks, which is what we would do. I know it's cheap, but we ... can't afford that  Not now. Dad said that the earliest we could do it would be September. 2 months feels like forever with no lessons x.x I do have my own sweet ponies, but I like having guided instruction too.


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

She sounds crazy. Get a new trainer and a new barn far away fripom this woman. However I do think it might be a good idea to ask why's she's acting like this try to work it out perhaps something else is bothering her.


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## calicokatt (Mar 5, 2012)

If I have a child showing who does horrible in their showmanship class, I might tell them that later (if they're an older child who really needs to hear it), but I would NEVER tell any child that they did horrible at ANYTHING while they were at the show and still showing. Talk about a great way to ruin the rest of their show! Its one thing to give pointers for improvement, but an entirely different thing to just tear someone down to the point that they're crying. If I were your mom or dad, I probably would have let this woman have it for doing that to you, but I'm still learning to control my temper!


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## busysmurf (Feb 16, 2012)

Find a new one. 

I had a trainer that was upset that my parents couldn't put the money in for me "to be the next big thing". At the time they were each working 2 jobs. Anyway, we left, we tried to be nice about it and say that it was simply because we couldn't afford to go the route she wanted. No yelling, no accusations. 20 yrs later, the most we can manage when we see each other at shows is a nod.

She was a good trainer in that what she taught was beyond helpful, it was how she went about things. Maybe I was better off w/o her, maybe not. But it wasn't worth losing what I love (riding) by being miserable at her place.

She's not the only trainer in the world, I'm sure there are others, especially ones that are more geared towards YOUR goals


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## mselizabeth (Oct 29, 2011)

xJumperx said:


> Thank you to those who shared their opinions  I just feel like maybe she wasn't being that bad, maybe it was just me? I needed to hear from others :/
> 
> The only problem is, lessons here are free. Money is *extremely* tight for our family right now. Like, we need 2000 we don't have right now. There is a stable that is close that I -really- want to go to, but we can't afford lessons :/ Even just one a week. The barn offers group lessons for 30 bucks, which is what we would do. I know it's cheap, but we ... can't afford that  Not now. Dad said that the earliest we could do it would be September. 2 months feels like forever with no lessons x.x I do have my own sweet ponies, but I like having guided instruction too.


Just take your time a wait. It will be worth it. At first, you will probably have to pay for lessons. But once they get to know you, you might be able to work off lessons.


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## Cinder (Feb 20, 2011)

> The only problem is, lessons here are free. Money is *extremely* tight for our family right now. Like, we need 2000 we don't have right now. There is a stable that is close that I -really- want to go to, but we can't afford lessons :/ Even just one a week. The barn offers group lessons for 30 bucks, which is what we would do. I know it's cheap, but we ... can't afford that  Not now. Dad said that the earliest we could do it would be September. 2 months feels like forever with no lessons x.x I do have my own sweet ponies, but I like having guided instruction too.


Could you try to do every other week, while working some of the price off? That's what I did for a while. 

If you can't, have fun with your ponies and wait it out! I'm sure your situation will get better soon .


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## busysmurf (Feb 16, 2012)

xJumperx said:


> Thank you to those who shared their opinions  I just feel like maybe she wasn't being that bad, maybe it was just me? I needed to hear from others :/
> 
> The only problem is, lessons here are free. Money is *extremely* tight for our family right now. Like, we need 2000 we don't have right now. There is a stable that is close that I -really- want to go to, but we can't afford lessons :/ Even just one a week. The barn offers group lessons for 30 bucks, which is what we would do. I know it's cheap, but we ... can't afford that  Not now. Dad said that the earliest we could do it would be September. 2 months feels like forever with no lessons x.x I do have my own sweet ponies, but I like having guided instruction too.


Lessons are nice, but who says you ABSOLUTELY need them? After I turned 13, I would take maybe one a month and that was when I was going for all sorts of points & awards. I may not have won any world titles, but I placed just as well as the kids that had lessons every week.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Two months in the scheme of things is a very short time.

If you continue to deal with the devil, don't be surprised when you get burned. No reason to stay with her just because she's doing something for you for free.


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## krisfulc (Jan 10, 2012)

Don't go back to that person. She sounds horrible. 

Riding is supposed to be fun. Riding is supposed to boost you up. Give you confidence in ways you couldn't get anywhere else. Not make you feel like crap and cry. 

See if you could work something out with that other barn. Work for lessons. And if not, in the meantime, you have your horse!


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## MelissaAnn (Aug 26, 2011)

Yes, you need to find a new trainer! Sounds like this one has lost her interest in working with you and didn't express it in the best way. She will probably regret losing your help later when she can't get all her chores finished by herself! 

You will probably be able to find someone who appreciates all the hard work you do! Have FUN! It's not worth being stressed out.


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## Domnopalus (Jul 17, 2012)

Wow wow wowww, I admire you for being so cool about the whole thing, really. You don't sound immature to me at all and certainly not ungrateful. What a sad shame! She sounds crazy to me too. It's sad that her personality is so disagreeable because the arrangement you have seems ideal other than that--so I totally understand you not wanting to leave. You shouldn't have to put up with that kind of abuse though--yes, there may be worse forms of abuse out there, but that doesn't mean this kind can't do its share of damage. Often it's the minor but persistent forms of abuse that can do the most damage, because it slowly erodes you without your hardly noticing.

I also TOTALLY understand how you feel about the money thing. I think a lot of us are feeling that kind of pain. I'm also trying to find a work<=>ride etc. situation, but my location makes that a bit difficult at this point. However, I'm SURE there are people willing to do that kind of arrangement out there--and chances are they're far nicer than this person. Just get out of there.

If you have a horse already, then you'll be OK I think while you search for a new trainer. You can learn a lot from your horse without a trainer even, from what I understand, and it may prove to be an interesting period of growth for you while you're sorting things out on the other end.

Good luck, and I hope things improve fast!


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

I would have your parents talk to her 
or you should change trainers 
Good luck


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## Nitefeatherz (Jan 23, 2012)

Sounds like this woman acted very badly. There is no excuse for tearing someone down like that. Imo it is likely that you didn't do anything wrong...sounds like she was having personal problems and took them out on you. 

This woman may be giving you lessons but they aren't free-you are working to pay her. That isn't free IMO. On top of that she is tearing you down emotionally and mentally. That in the long run is going to cause you to doubt yourself. That will be more damaging than anything else this woman is doing. I can tell you that from personal experience!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Thank you, everybody, for all of our super valuable opinions  And to those that come. I have called the other center nearby - no awnser, so I'll be waiting for the return call! Left a voicemail, and going to scheduale an appt. to come out and watch a lesson, and tour the barn


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Though I have no idea how to tell 'Beth' I'm done. My mom's suggestion doesn't sound ideal...

We are done.
Why?
Because your a stupid fat ____ with no ____ goodwill. Go ____ yourself.

Yea, bad idea XD


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## Domnopalus (Jul 17, 2012)

LOL! You've got a good mom there. You can do it; you don't have to be so explicit but just tell her you don't want to work with her anymore. You can tell her why, if you want (the 'damage' is already done, as in, it won't make her opinion of you any worse, lol--not your fault). Or you can simply go home now and just don't contact her ever again! That's the easy way


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## Domnopalus (Jul 17, 2012)

Or you could just 'break up' with her, lol. "I don't think this is working out." Or, you could say you want to pursue other areas of horsemanship (even if you don't). That option might get a little sketchy though. I'd go with breaking up, telling it like it is, or just cutting her off once you go home (when you do actually go home).


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

I am home from National, btw  I have since gone back to her house twice now (Did I mention we are neighbors? Don't know if that changes things xD) And both times she still lectured me :/ I was thinking of telling her we should take a break for a little while, so that we don't get to the point where we aren't speaking anymore. Tell her some stuff she wants to hear ... and just not call back  This really is kinda hard though :/ We have had some fun times, and It'll be wierd not going back..


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## Domnopalus (Jul 17, 2012)

If I were you in this situation I might try to turn her words against her (not in a mean way). As in, if she lectures you about things like "ruining" her mules, and her show experiences, you could convince her that maybe you and her working together aren't a good fit. In a sense, tell her she's 'right' and get the hell out of there. If that doesn't sound good, perhaps the 'break' thing may be your best option (you're there after all and know in more detail what's going on)


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

That sounds good, thank you  

I just got a call back from the new center - we take a tour and talk next Wed. at 5:00!! Yay


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Good! Go for it at the new place and see what they have to offer. 

As for your current problem, since you are neighbors you kind of do need to say something. I am very blunt and direct, so I'd tell her straight out that a trainer making me so miserable at a show that I cried and had to call my father to pick me up was not acceptable. PERIOD, EVER. And that I would not be coming back for further training. I'd say it nicely, and then I'd leave immediately before she goes into a tirade. I'd also have my parents with me as back up in case she does go off. But bottom line, I'd say what I needed to say and I'd get out of there.


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## englishaqh (Jul 6, 2012)

Yeah.. I mean, I do agree that there is a way of saying things. It's hard to analyze the situation without knowing Beth and her life. It could be a variety of things. She could honestly think what she is saying, or she could just be frustrated about something else and be taking it out on you. 

If you really feel like it is worth it and your heart is in it and you are just ready to push on, just kind of think of it as an argument and keep doing what you are doing. But don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. That doesn't mean you have to be ruuuuude,but don't let anyone discriminate against you and give you crap that you don't deserve. Even if it's just a simple, "you know, I work really hard for you and I don't think that was a very nice comment." That sounds actually disrespectful, but you get what I'm saying. If she is being unreasonable, try to speak to her about it. 

I would suggest trying your hardest to develop a good strong relationship with your trainer. Trust me. It makes the world spin smoother.  

Good luck. Say a prayer. I hope it goes well.


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Well, I've done it!! 

Today, when I got there, she proceeded to lecture me and say that if I didn't put more energy in, I would never be a good rider, because apparently I am lazy ... 

I simply told her maybe we should just stop. That if she had so many bad things to say about me, that I should find a diffirent stable that would be a little more in the direction I want to go.

So I left early and I'm not going back!

Funny ... I thought I would feel like 

But I really feel like :happydance:


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

If that's the way you feel, then it was time to leave.


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Thank you, I think I am realizing that now  I can't wait to go tour Canterbury next Wed.! The girl who trains sounds really nice, and trains everything from bare basics to advanced, which is the lesson I'm going to watch. This trainer really wasn't a trainer - a private sort of deal, helping me ride. At Canterbury, they have 3 diffirent trainers, and lessons every day of the week. If I don't like 1 trainer, I just pick another one  And one of the biggest pluses - the trainer I had before the one I JUST broke up with takes lessons here! I obviously wouldn't be in the same lessons or anything, I just think it's cool that this center could take us that far! Thank you so much to every single person who put input into this ^.^


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

xJumperx said:


> Well, I've done it!!
> .....................
> 
> Funny ... I thought I would feel like
> ...


That's how you know you've really made the right choice. The 800 lb gorilla gets up off your back and you can breathe again. Good job!


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## RandysWifey (Jun 12, 2012)

yay for not going back! you'll be better off! what did she say after you said that?


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## gypsygirl (Oct 15, 2009)

im glad you left ! 

i was recently in a very similar situation with my former supervisor, it feels good to get out =]

good luck at your new barn =D


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Thank You Gypsy 

She was just kind of, "well, okay, that's fine. I'll drive you home now." And I left


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## stormylass (Jul 12, 2012)

I agree with everyone,here and I'll go one further as a MOTHER oh no she would NOT talk to my daughter like that, I had some really really tough trainers growing up, and I just knew that is what it takes to get where you want to go! but I NEVER ever was spoken to like that! The one thing I would do for your own piece of mind ...take a look back is there something that maybe she might have taken as "you dont care" or "not taking seriously" whatever she said...I'm not in any way saying you did! or saying she was right, she is without a doubt a rude inmature idiot. But look back so that you can be sure this wont happen again with someone that doesnt have a personality disorder!


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## stormylass (Jul 12, 2012)

AHAHAHAHA She thought she had you!!! That you would put up witha all her abuse just to take lessons! GGGGRRRROWWWLLLL! i hate it when people think because you dont have money you have to put up with thier crap! Well gooood for you !!! you took charge of the situation and very maturly took care of business and you will be sooooo much better off for it, not just today, but in your life!!! Goood Girl I AM SOOOO PROUD OF YOU !!! THAT IS THE MARK OF MATURITY!!!


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## Almond Joy (Dec 4, 2011)

So where are your horse(s) now? The mule barn with Beth still? Are you moving your horses to the new barn, or just taking lessons there? *Confusion*


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

I never kept my horses there


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

Good for you! You handled yourself with a lot of maturity...update us on how the other place looks after you go there?


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Certaintly! Fingers crossed it's as good as it sounds ... I'll definatly give everyone an update on how it is - it's the least I can do, considering how much everyone has helped me out!! I go to see Canterbury next Wed. at 5, so it will be a little bit, but I'll be sure to dig up this thread and bump it back up so you all can see all about CB  Should I take pictures?


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

I wouldn't take pictures just concentrate on looking around, checking out the condition of the school horses, the stalls, the equipment. Have fun!


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Wonderful. Just Wonderful.

Still going to the new place on Wed. But now it seems I've been subject to cyberbullying of minor sorts.

We are friends on Facebook. Which was fine untill a few days ago. I posted a status about being excited to go see a new place on Wed. Now, your average 40 year old would take that as "Good for her! She's really moving up! That's great!" 

Yea? No. She aint your average 40 year old, apparently. 
Suddenly, she starts posting status after status, obviously aimed at me. Let me tell you this - she thinks I lie about -everything.- Her mule took off with me once coming down the first line for the poles in the poles (gymkhanna) class. I accidentally missed a pole and got DQued. She swears that I must have kicked him hard or something, (she didn't watch the class.) and thinks I've been lying about it :/ She also thinks I'm lazy. So. That said, here are some of the posts she's put up -

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/s480x480/553504_479556138738892_2129755450_n.jpg

And ...

http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/s480x480/523710_267557866678481_1126298303_n.jpg

AND ...

http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-snc6/s480x480/269348_459745820704838_387428022_n.jpg

(

I can't get away from her ...


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Unfriend her and block her, it's easy.


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Ah ... I'm retarded sometimes x.x I did post this, because I wanted her to know I wasn't a doormat .. then put her on my restricted list. I'll get around to learning how to block people ....

I'm done being cut down. I'm just sick of coming on Facebook and seeing something I know is pointed at me and feeling bad about it. You know who you are. I'm going to be great someday, and I'm not going to be stopped by somebody's mean words. Grow up.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

On the left side of the screen, where it has your friend, family and groups, if you scroll all the way to the bottom, there's a little thing that says, "Report/Block" and you click on it. If you want to report her for bullying you, you can or you can just block her outright and she can't contact you anymore.


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## Silent one (Aug 22, 2011)

I'm with the rest, block her and unfriend her so you can enjoy FaceBook without her.


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

xJumperx said:


> Ah ... I'm retarded sometimes x.x I did post this, because I wanted her to know I wasn't a doormat .. then put her on my restricted list. I'll get around to learning how to block people ....
> 
> I'm done being cut down. I'm just sick of coming on Facebook and seeing something I know is pointed at me and feeling bad about it. You know who you are. I'm going to be great someday, and I'm not going to be stopped by somebody's mean words. Grow up.


Yes, you ARE going to be great some day. And perhaps her aggression is simply out of the fact that she finds you threatening, because you ARE becoming a very good rider and equestrian. A lot of older equestrians see budding, young horse lovers and grow envious of their raw talent and growing knowledge. This woman sounds a lot like someone I have had experience with, and that was her problem.

Take her out of your life and become the amazing rider she was threatened by. These new instructors will take you so much farther than you will have ever gotten with this woman.


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## Domnopalus (Jul 17, 2012)

Obviously this woman is REALLY immature. Strange that she's in her 40s and still hasn't learned the basics of being mature. Usually by that time the world has shown most people how to act--somehow she wasn't paying attention, or has some kind of developmental issue. She's acting how you'd think most people YOUR age would act, and you're acting how you'd think most people HER age would act! Just keep it up - you're doing great. Soon you'll be on to better things and this will be water under the bridge.


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

Copperhead said:


> Yes, you ARE going to be great some day.


Disagree :wink: I think she is great right now for being so mature about things.


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

You all are too sweet  Thank you so much for all your support!!! It is SO greatly appreciated!! Honestly don't think I would have gotten out of this situation without all of your AWESOME advice  Thank you Dreamcatcher, for telling me how to block  It is a done deal, and I feel great ^.^ I can enjoy the rest of my week now!! Visiting the new stable tomorow, then Kings Island on Thurs! xD I'll update you guys tmrw on how the new stable goes


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## hannahfg (Jan 15, 2012)

Im sorry but just reading this story makes me want to give this lady a "talk". Find a new trainer. you don't deserve that kind of verbal abuse.


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## hannahfg (Jan 15, 2012)

and omg I FLIPPING LOVE KINGS ISLAND!


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

lol KI is da bomb!! Lol! Anywho, I looked at 2 trainers!!

The first one we looked at was BEAUTIFUL!!! Barn was spotless, horses were beautifully well taken care of, arena was awesome, and the trainer was awesome. Taking my first lesson there next Wed 

The second barn ... eh. The stables were a bit messy, nobody in sight, trainer was nonexistant, students that were supposed to be there weren't ... just a big no.

But yay!! Found a new barn!! SO glad!! Next to ride? The Diamondback


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

Yay! You will find that riding and learning and showing can be FUN! Good for you for breaking loose! That mule woman is going to have to clean her own stalls now, and she has no one to blame but herself!


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## Cinder (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm glad you found such an awesome barn! Please tell us how your lesson goes . I think you'll find that you'll improve greatly with a great instructor and a great environment.


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

Thanks again, everyone  To those concerned about her making me feel riding isn't fun - No worries, I would still ride if she shot me in the foot every time I got on  It's my passion! Though I must say, it will be nice to have some fun at shows without her breathing down my neck...

Yes, I'll definatly let you guys know how the lesson goes  

Wow!! Didn't realize this thread was up to 6 pages!


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

Deleting from Facebook is easy. You can "edit friends" from your settings or by editing your profile, or I am pretty sure if you go to her profile, you can delete her from there. When you delete you will get the option to block her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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