# co-op boarder not pulling her weight



## phantomhorse13 (Feb 18, 2011)

This is a tough one. Part of me says tell her to take a hike as she isn't even coming close to pulling her share.. but then you would have to do ALL the work. Would you be able/allowed to bring in another share-boarder if she was to leave? 

I am somewhat sympathetic to the woman if she is battling cancer, as she may have the best of intentions but just can't make it happen. That doesn't, however, really help your situation at all. I agree a having someone lease her horse sounds like a great compromise, but that may get her defensive if she isn't able to admit just how sick she is.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Yes. I feel sorry for her, her horse is of course now my horse's BFF, and is a nice mare (I have polished her ground manners quite a bit). I can't kick her out, her contract is with my neighbor not me. Maybe all I can do is rant on this board!


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

That is a tough one. Can you bear the workload until you relocate without undue hardship? If not, you might have to confront her as tough as it is. If it were me, I would certainly need the cash for the hay, that I would be a stickler on, like collection agency treatment of debtors, but I would just bear the brunt of the workload as it costs me nothing except exercise which I am fine with.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

waresbear said:


> That is a tough one. Can you bear the workload until you relocate without undue hardship? If not, you might have to confront her as tough as it is. If it were me, I would certainly need the cash for the hay, that I would be a stickler on, like collection agency treatment of debtors, but I would just bear the brunt of the workload as it costs me nothing except exercise which I am fine with.


She is usually better with the bills than this. She isn't irresponsible, just struggling and also, my guess, kind of a slob in her personal life too. One person's perfectly good is another person's pile of chaos. Don't I know it. I tend to think I'm stuck with the situation.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

I would present her with the bills, again... for food expenses and remind her of the equal sharing of the entire workload she agreed to.
You are entitled to be paid the money you paid out of pocket to feed_ *her* horse..._
Small claims court is for situations like this...
What she does as far as riding/care goes _is_ her business...
The fact though that your sweat equity in work-load is unfairly leaning on you...
You _can't_ put a lien on the horse_ {or can you?}_ but you _can_ take her to court for monies owed..
Not your fault she is sick, I hear you and realize the dilemma you're in...
That said though...if she can't shoulder her share of the work burden nor settle her monies owed then she should either give you the horse in lieu of cash and walk away, pay up or settle with you, get it on track to be a fair partnership or get out.

Right now you _*are*_ her scapegoat and she knows you won't not do what she leaves undone and you won't let her horse go hungry...._she's got you pegged!!
:runninghorse2:....
_


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

horselovinguy said:


> Right now you _*are*_ her scapegoat and she knows you won't not do what she leaves undone and you won't let her horse go hungry...._she's got you pegged!!
> 
> _


Word. I don't think she is trying to take me for a ride. It's more like sleeping with a big dog who ends up with the whole bed, one small adjustment at a time but always in his favor.


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

I'd have a serious talk with her with the first step getting her to sign an IOU for the hay if she can't pay you right away. Next I'd tell her you're going to start charging her for shavings and barn/fence/pasture maintenance (this would include poop detail) if she doesn't start pulling her weight. Tell her you understand there might be days where she's physically unable to do the work but that you'd be more than happy to trade with her on those days but she'll still have to pick up one of your scheduled days.

If push comes to shove you could always divide the shed in two with a gate and run a strand of electric fence to separate the pasture and tell her you'll take care of your own horse but her horse is all on her.


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## gottatrot (Jan 9, 2011)

I like JCnGrace's idea.
Perhaps if you presented options: either she gets someone to lease the horse and help out, or she has to do all the care for her own horse, get her own hay, etc., she might consider getting someone to lease her horse instead. 
If she has to choose between something she doesn't care for much versus something she might not be able to do at all, she might choose to lease.
After all, you're not obligated to take care of her horse whatsoever. 

It sounds like the only benefit you're getting is a break from some of the work a couple days a week, and the company your horse gets. Even if you separated the field, your horse would still be able to hang out with her friend and touch noses over the fence. So she'd still have companionship. You might be better off paying a bit to hire someone to do your horse work on the weekends, if you need a break and not worry about caring for her horse at all.


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

I would just tell her that you cannot afford to feed and bed two horses so she has to think of something or you will have to because the money just isn't there. I would blame it on the finances so you are not being the bad guy. What is she going to do when you leave? I would bring that up too unless you don't want to disclose that just yet. I would hand her a paper bill for hay and shavings and tell her once again that you will have to recoup that and that if she can't feed her horse you will just have to separate them because you can't either. 

As far as the work, well, I feel you on that one. But you are out there anyway and if she's sick there really isn't anything she can do. 

She's going to have to figure out what to do on her own terms. You've suggested a great solution but it might take some time for her to come to terms with it.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

I'm a little more direct and quite a bit less worried about being the 'bad guy' than LoriF, but I like her solution for tact and diplomacy. I'd present her with the bill and the horses would get separated TODAY, if it was my hay she was feeding. For her to be into you for over $500 is a big red flag that she needs to figure out a solution. Since she can't seem to do it, I'd do it before she got into me for another nickle. Whether her horse is ridden or not, isn't really any of your business. The work she agreed to do not being done, is your business and while I'd be understanding, I'd also let her know that AS OF TODAY, I would be doing my own work and it would also be up to her to take care of her horse 7 days/week from now on. Basically, I'd wash my hands of her problems and no longer allow her to make them mine.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Avna said:


> Word. I don't think she is trying to take me for a ride. It's more like sleeping with a big dog who ends up with the whole bed, one small adjustment at a time but always in his favor.


And THAT is a respect issue that you can't allow. You have to remind the dog whose bed it really is and take back your lost ground. It can't continue unless you let it.


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## mmshiro (May 3, 2017)

Hard-nosed solution: Keep track of expenses and labor you perform on her behalf. Communicate those with her regularly, so you have evidence that she doesn't dispute the facts of the matter. Bill her. Have an attorney get it touch with her, mentioning "law suit".

Escalate: Stop working and buying on her behalf. Document everything, in paper, photo, and video. Communicate with her that you are concerned for the welfare of her horse. Involve animal welfare, whichever organization is most appropriate, to start communicating with her as well.

Seems like you disciplined her horse in terms of ground manners, but you still give that woman cookies, and she's running circles around you.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

I will give it another try. She paid me half of the $500 today and said she'll get the other half to me next week. We'll see. I think my approach has to be that there is some underlying reason for not wanting to pursue a lease that she isn't telling me. I know that once when Cee got very ill she leased her horse off-site to a family from whom the mare ended up needing to be rescued and it took a long time to get her weight and her feet back up to par. That surely is influencing her. 

I know she feels guilty that I am doing almost all the work--the work that she notices, that is -- I'm pretty sure that if I listed all the things I do besides scoop the poop, she dismiss most of them as not worth the bother -- the shavings for example. They don't sleep or shelter in the stalls in summer and she told me she thinks there is no reason to bed them or clean them. 

She's had her horse about five years and has never learned how to open a feed bag by the string tape, she just hacks it open. I mention this because it's an illustration of her stubborn isolation -- she prefers to solve her own problems her way, never ask for help or instruction about anything, and not take advice. There's a tiny lesson barn literally a five minute walk away, and the person who runs it is a wealth of information and helpfulness, but Cee never has even talked to her in 18 months (I take weekly lessons there). 

I just have to figure out how to frame it.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

mmshiro said:


> Hard-nosed solution: Keep track of expenses and labor you perform on her behalf. Communicate those with her regularly, so you have evidence that she doesn't dispute the facts of the matter. Bill her. Have an attorney get it touch with her, mentioning "law suit".
> 
> Escalate: Stop working and buying on her behalf. Document everything, in paper, photo, and video. Communicate with her that you are concerned for the welfare of her horse. Involve animal welfare, whichever organization is most appropriate, to start communicating with her as well.
> 
> Seems like you disciplined her horse in terms of ground manners, but you still give that woman cookies, and she's running circles around you.


That's way too harsh. I want to improve the situation, not burn it to the ground.


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## mmshiro (May 3, 2017)

Avna said:


> That's way too harsh. I want to improve the situation, not burn it to the ground.


It's all in the timing. You escalate so _slowly_ that she has plenty of time to understand you're not putting up with it anymore and helps to resolve the issue out of her own accord. Don't ratchet up the pressure unless you have evidence that she's clearly ignoring what you are putting down.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Avna said:


> I will give it another try. She paid me half of the $500 today and said she'll get the other half to me next week. We'll see. I think my approach has to be that there is some underlying reason for not wanting to pursue a lease that she isn't telling me. I know that once when Cee got very ill she leased her horse off-site to a family from whom the mare ended up needing to be rescued and it took a long time to get her weight and her feet back up to par. That surely is influencing her.
> 
> I know she feels guilty that I am doing almost all the work--the work that she notices, that is -- I'm pretty sure that if I listed all the things I do besides scoop the poop, she dismiss most of them as not worth the bother -- the shavings for example. They don't sleep or shelter in the stalls in summer and she told me she thinks there is no reason to bed them or clean them.
> 
> ...





Avna said:


> That's way too harsh. I want to improve the situation, not burn it to the ground.


You have to handle it within your comfort zone. If you aren't comfortable telling her you'll no longer feed her horse (yes, I see she paid you half and promised the other but that still doesn't pay for TODAY'S groceries, does it?) then she'll continue to get into for more money, and by the time she pays the other $250, it will be $350 she owes and she'll still be upside down. She needs to pay the $250 plus a hundred or 2, for the next weeks feed.

She doesn't feel guilty, she's using you and making you feel grateful to be used and in the meantime, she's getting a free ride. It doesn't matter what she thinks is worth doing or not, she agreed to 1/2 the work. Period, put up or shut up or get out of the deal if you don't like it. You don't agree to do something and then quit doing it and try to make the other party feel guilty for valuing a certain thing. That is just so passive aggressive it's not funny. 

Boarding or sharing pasture is a business deal, you need to draw up a contract and have her sign it. Spell out exactly how things are to be (what you originally agreed to) and establish dates by which things have to be paid or there are financial penalties and warn her that you can file a Stableman's Lien on the horse if she fails. That usually keeps people at least somewhat on time, if they really don't want to lose the horse. In my boarding contract I state in several different areas that unpaid balances can cause the horse to be sold by me to attempt to recover. 

And this right here, is what locks things up:
"Horse Owner grants DCA a lien upon and security interest in the horse and any foal produced by a breeding at DCA to 
Secure all obligations and amounts due under this agreement with DCA or any of its affiliates. DCA may, at any time until all amounts due hereunder are fully paid, file a photocopy of this contract in the county and state in which it believes the horse(s) to be kept, or where the Horse Owner resides, and when so filed the copy shall be effective as a financing statement as well as the security agreement. At any time the Horse Owner’s balance is unpaid for 20 days, or Horse Owner is otherwise in default of this or any other agreement with DCA or any of its affiliates, DCA may foreclose its security interest in the horse. Ten (10) days notice shall be deemed reasonable notice of any foreclosure sale. Time is of the essence." 

"Monthly fees not received by DCA by the 7th (seventh) day of each month will be subject to a late charge of $50.00 (fifty dollars). If the Horse Owner has not paid by the 20th (twentieth) of said month, DCA will retain the horse and have the right to sell it for monies owed to DCA."
Should one party breach this Agreement, that party shall be responsible for all attorneys’ fees and their expenses related to such breach."

I have a hunch she'll pack up and go if you try to get things in writing.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

_:iagree:... I have a feeling dream you got burned once badly and now cover the bases to protect YOU!! 

Quite a clause but it is you who needs protecting...
You, your assets and reducing liability... works for me.
:runninghorse2:....
_


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

horselovinguy said:


> _:iagree:... I have a feeling dream you got burned once badly and now cover the bases to protect YOU!!
> 
> Quite a clause but it is you who needs protecting...
> You, your assets and reducing liability... works for me.
> ...


It's a very long story HLG, but suffice it to say, I prevailed and learned my lesson.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

@Dreamcatcher Arabians, she isn't trying to make me feel guilty, and I am not grateful. If I put enough pressure on her, my guess is what would happen is she would give me the horse and that would be that. I don't want her horse. 

As it is, we may make an offer on a farm 3000 miles from here soon and everything will be up in the air. I am going to see whether, if I make a direct request, she will take on some of the extra jobs on weekends, such as washing out the water tub (150 gallons, with goldfish in it, it's not a tiny job), clearing the fence line of thistles, and that kind of thing. I will see how that plays out. I'm pretty sure she doesn't notice such things need doing, on her own. 

Working with her is so much like working with my husband, it's not funny!


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## horseluvr2524 (Sep 17, 2013)

Everyone has already given good advice, so I'll just touch on a few things.

If she believes something is unnecessary, such as bedding the stall, stop doing it for her horse. I can understand being irritated at having to pay for extras you didn't ask for (if it was agreed on when she came though that she would pay for shavings, that's different). I just left a barn in January that was nickel and diming us so much we were just barely making it. The barn owner would do things like pressure me into buying an expensive fly mask by using her spare/backup instead of using the one I provided for my horse. I suppose I could have said no, as it was all just peer pressure, but I didn't want to upset the barn owner and would just end up complying to whatever she wanted to avoid the drama.

If the lady is in that bad of a situation, she should donate the horse to a therapy program or lesson school. The horse will be for the most part guaranteed a certain level of care there, and it's far better than worrying about her being properly cared for by a leaser or new owner. If she gives you the horse, you could do the same thing.

As far as companionship, in your situation, I'd tell you what I would do. I would buy a donkey or goat. Donkeys eat next to nothing, are hardy, and great companionship for horses. Horses that like goats do very well with goats. My mare has a similar reaction to goats that a teenage girl has to teacup chihuahuas. LOL!


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## Dehda01 (Jul 25, 2013)

Horses are a luxury. 

They cost money and/or time. Usually both. If she is unable to spend the time to rough board to save some $, she should full board so that someone else can take care of the horse. If she is unable to afford that, it is time to take a hard look on whether she can have the luxury of a horse. 

I would try to come up with a kind way to explain that you can't pull her weight anymore. But I tend to be blunt and not so good with social skills... so I will let others who can pity fools better than I can, work on the wording.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

These are all useful suggestions, except that the ones about what she should do, won't happen because . . . she won't do them. And the ones I would do, are simply too hard for me. I am not going to tell a person who is spending all her money on cancer meds that she has to sell her horse because I'm tired of taking care of her. I just can't. Right now, we're at a stalemate. But I will bravely bring up the lease idea again. She is not a freeloader kind of personality, at core. She just has too many problems to struggle through.

I like the idea of a donkey . . . but the neighbors will probably object to the noise. Goats can't be kept there because of the mountain lion problem. I am imagining a pair of Shetland-sized ponies (not minis, they are too small). That way I won't have to leave a horse solo when I take my horse out.

Meanwhile, we are actively shopping for land in Massachusetts, and will move (to a rental there) as soon as we can get our present house readied and sold, which is a matter of some months. So I am in limbo . . .


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## Dehda01 (Jul 25, 2013)

If she can't sell but can't afford to take care of.. she needs to lease out. But finding a leasor is not easy, or happens fast (in most cases) - as she has already found out. 

Many people dealing with health issues have sold their horses or found ways to work around the issue in one way or another. I get it. It sucks. BTDT. 

But you don't dump your problems in someone else's lap- unless they are close friends or family and are WILLING to pickup the load! Even then people get grumpy.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Avna said:


> These are all useful suggestions, except that the ones about what she should do, won't happen because . . . she won't do them. And the ones I would do, are simply too hard for me. I am not going to tell a person who is spending all her money on cancer meds that she has to sell her horse because I'm tired of taking care of her. I just can't. Right now, we're at a stalemate. But I will bravely bring up the lease idea again. She is not a freeloader kind of personality, at core. She just has too many problems to struggle through.
> 
> I like the idea of a donkey . . . but the neighbors will probably object to the noise. Goats can't be kept there because of the mountain lion problem. I am imagining a pair of Shetland-sized ponies (not minis, they are too small). That way I won't have to leave a horse solo when I take my horse out.
> 
> Meanwhile, we are actively shopping for land in Massachusetts, and will move (to a rental there) as soon as we can get our present house readied and sold, which is a matter of some months. So I am in limbo . . .


_So, based on your own words you then will accept the extra expense and workload because she is sick and can't/won't step up and either pitch in or chooses not to...
Being sick sucks, but it is her horse and her responsibility to keep her part of the bargain and boarding agreement or move on is my opinion.

So if mountain lions in the area are a consideration...I would *not* be doing Shetland ponies. 
I *would* be doing a donkey who will take on any animal invading "their" space and kill it if it threatens them or their herd. 
Donkeys are not always noisy braying but 24/7 they are great sentries and guardians of the herd!
That is protection to your horse that wild cats can and do prey upon at times..
Then when you do sell and prepare to move...what do you now do with the ponies? Or the donkey?
A game-plan before any additional livestock is purchased might be a good thing.
So far, any animal ideas you have are also going to include added expenses needed on your behalf to keep them healthy and sound. More work too...
Things to think about...
:runninghorse2:....
_


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Avna said:


> These are all useful suggestions, except that the ones about what she should do, won't happen because . . . she won't do them. And the ones I would do, are simply too hard for me. I am not going to tell a person who is spending all her money on cancer meds that she has to sell her horse because I'm tired of taking care of her. I just can't. Right now, we're at a stalemate. But I will bravely bring up the lease idea again. She is not a freeloader kind of personality, at core. She just has too many problems to struggle through.
> 
> I like the idea of a donkey . . . but the neighbors will probably object to the noise. Goats can't be kept there because of the mountain lion problem. I am imagining a pair of Shetland-sized ponies (not minis, they are too small). That way I won't have to leave a horse solo when I take my horse out.
> 
> Meanwhile, we are actively shopping for land in Massachusetts, and will move (to a rental there) as soon as we can get our present house readied and sold, which is a matter of some months. So I am in limbo . . .


Here's where I'm having a problem comprehending all this. 

#1 - You complain she is not pulling her weight and owes you money

#2 - You won't do anything about it because she is so sick

If she's that sick, then she CAN'T pull her weight, she couldn't possibly do the physical stuff. If she's not that sick, she needs to pull her weight and you need to demand payment. Nothing else is really any of your business (whether she sells, leases or leaves the horse by himself) and up to her to deal with. She has, or I suspect you have, very successfully made her problems yours. You need to not take ownership of her problems, I also suspect you have enough of your own to deal with in day to day life. I know I sure do.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

horselovinguy said:


> _So, based on your own words you then will accept the extra expense and workload because she is sick and can't/won't step up and either pitch in or chooses not to...
> Being sick sucks, but it is her horse and her responsibility to keep her part of the bargain and boarding agreement or move on is my opinion.
> 
> So if mountain lions in the area are a consideration...I would *not* be doing Shetland ponies.
> ...


The pony or ponies, or donkey, or small horse, would go with us. We will have to transport my horse anyway, and she will need a road buddy. You have hit on another reason why the status quo isn't quite as bad as it sounds. Shirker or not, Cee pays the shoeing and vet bills for the companion animal my horse requires, eventually has always paid for feed, and gives me two mornings off clean-up duty. Between her house up the road, and the stable, the road has been blocked by a gigantic slip-out since February, which means it takes her 40 minutes instead of 10 minutes to get here, which is why she can only get here on the weekends. However the area has finally dried out enough to be worked on and looks like will be passable in another month or so. That will help too.

Without Cee, I'd be responsible for all the labor and expenses for two horses, instead of a horse and a half. So there's that. 

You guys are great support. I'm going to keep working on this and not just grind my teeth.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

I've read through this thread a couple of times. Lots of good suggestions given; but in the end you have to do what feels right to you. 

IMO, it may be best to just grin and bear it until you move. Sharing is never easy, as people seem to always have differing opinions about animal care. 

What I would do is mention to her in a gentle manner your concern of her and her horse after you move. What does she plan to do when you are not there to help? 

That conversation might give you clues to ways she might be able to do more to help you. Maybe she has a friend that will help clean/feed/do chores, etc?


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

I'm sure you are a thoughtful, kind hearted person and you do feel for her difficulties. Hopefully with the road repairs she can do more of the work and if she keeps up with the money owed that would be good.

You are planning on moving in a few months so it might work just to keep going the way you are (if this doesn't aggravate you too much) until you move, that will definitely solve your problems.

As Anita Anne says, it might help to keep her aware of the fact that you are moving and what she needs to do to prepare for this.

Good luck


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Well, I broached the subject and she got furious, and said she would be moving her horse as soon as possible. I explained that I was only suggesting that the situation wasn't working for me and I needed help. Don't think she's going to hear it. I dunno what's going to happen next. Ball's in her court at the moment.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

That kind of reaction is childish in exaggeration.
She is probably embarrassed. She got called on her shirking of shared responsibility.
So, let her leave.
Your workload, your out of pocket expenses now decreased...
I would buy a goat as they require a lot less maintenance, farrier or vet care as they are usually hardy buggars. 
Think with the exception of her tossing food 2 times a day you were doing the work yourself...your work load just decreased ten-fold as did you laying out $$ all the time.
I hope you get your money from her before she vacates, if she vacates.
_When_ she cools down, she might realize that she has been unfair to you, _and her horse_, in the care needed and she gave...what she does about it though is her concern, problem and situation to fix. 
I think "pride" is now possibly in her way too...
Continue on as you were.
Just make sure you check in about if she fed your horse with her attitude now being piqued and peeved. Continue to check and or feed if in doubt of her intentions or pettiness.
Just* don't* let this be taken out on your horse...
Good luck.
:runninghorse2:...
_jmo..._


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Agree with HLG, she got called on her manipulations and took the offensive to see if you'd back down. Don't, it will get worse if you do. Let her go. I suspect she's going to continue having problems where ever she lands because she will continue to prey on others soft hearts.


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## CA VA shooter (Feb 4, 2015)

Been watching this thread and I see you have plenty of great advice. Doesn't sound like she is a vengeful person, but if she leaves, make sure she doesn't leave with any of your stuff if you were letting her use anything. 


This whole story reminded me of a lady my husband tried to help out in the Monterey area, she didn't have the credit to board at the stables so my husband helped her out and sublet her a stall (it was legal, barn approved it). One day she started causing problems in the barn and my husband politely and professionally addressed the issue with her. She flipped out throwing stuff at him and threatened to shoot him. I happened to be visiting him at the time and was in the barn to witness her nonsense. She saw me standing in the stall watching her (she new I was law enforcement and was always distant from me, this would be a red flag if the hubby ever listened to me) and she hightailed it out of there, took her horse the next day and we have never heard from her since. She did take a few grooming supplies my husband had left out, just a few brushes and hoof picks that some of the young kids would borrow. 


Some people just don't know how to handle rejection, criticism or in your case simple confrontation about responsibilities. Hopefully when the sting wears off she will be ok. Good luck to you with your house hunting and move, keep us updated on your exciting adventures!


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

I don't think for a minute that she is a nasty person or a deliberate freeloader. She is struggling under crushing problems. Her cancer meds alone take a huge chunk out of her meager salary (that's *with* insurance). She is often ill, I think from stress more than anything. The weird thing is, when I say "let's find someone who will do a lease-in-place to take some of the burden off you", some kind of alarm bells go off in her head. She either acts like I never said anything, or blows up irrationally (like she just did). Yet otherwise she seems perfectly reasonable and intelligent. I do like her as a person -- and I don't say this casually. 

She told me she is trying to move her horse to a different situation, but that isn't so easy, especially given her finances. Full board is in the $450-500 range here. We'll see.

If she does go, I will probably ask a friend of mine with a mostly-retired arthritic mare to share the pasture. She lives farther away, but is solidly employed and will be very straightforward to work with. She spent many years with my riding teacher. She is unhappy with her present boarding situation. She's a college professor and has summers off so I might even get more labor out of the deal at least until school starts . . . that's my plan B.


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## CA VA shooter (Feb 4, 2015)

Avna said:


> I don't think for a minute that she is a nasty person or a deliberate freeloader. She is struggling under crushing problems. Her cancer meds alone take a huge chunk out of her meager salary (that's *with* insurance). She is often ill, I think from stress more than anything. The weird thing is, when I say "let's find someone who will do a lease-in-place to take some of the burden off you", some kind of alarm bells go off in her head. She either acts like I never said anything, or blows up irrationally (like she just did). Yet otherwise she seems perfectly reasonable and intelligent. I do like her as a person -- and I don't say this casually.
> .


Well, I can understand that. I think when any person gets sick or injured and has their very independent life interrupted to where they must now depend on others and can't ride or do the things they enjoy or want to do, they probably have a roller coaster of emotions.


Awhile back I was injured at work and I couldn't even walk out to feed my horses for a few weeks and had to ask for help. I watched everybody else go out roping and had to sit in a chair. I went through depression, anger, denial (then tried to push a wheel barrel and hurt my knee some more), I would just get emotional and want to cry (I am not a crier). 


This could be very embarrassing, isolating, and depressing for her if she was a strong and independent person. It is no reason to abuse your generosity, but I could potentially see the reasoning behind her behavior.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Well, she had cancer long before I met her. The new things are the broken road and the lousy job. I have a long irritating history of taking on other people's responsibilities just so they will get done, and then resenting all the extra work. I need to figure out how to stop doing this. I generally see two bad options: endure the result of letting other people put in what little effort they want to, or overwork myself getting it done right. When living things are involved, I have a really hard time with this. I need better boundaries, but I don't enjoy what happens when I set them, either. 

We've been talking today. We may have reached a mutually respectful agreement that she should look for a different place. Truthfully, if her horse was just a little more appropriate and easy to care for, I would considering offering to take her myself, she's a beautiful horse (and I am not one to call every horse beautiful) with a lovely friendly personality. But she's a big bald-faced Paint with chronic hoof issues, incipient arthritis in her hocks, and unknown rideability. She was once a nice well-broke horse, but Cee hasn't ridden her for years now. She doesn't even have a saddle that fits her. 

What I had in mind for a permanent companion for Brooke (which I would own myself) is more like a 10 to 12 hand solid-colored pony of mature disposition and no health issues. I have an animus against loud colored horses in general and bald faces in particular, and there is no point in feeding a 1200 lb. horse whose sole reason for being is so my horse doesn't get lonely.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Update: she's moving out. Given a push, she found a boarding stable on her side of the broken road, in fact within walking distance of her house, with an opening coming up next month. So she is happy and I'm . . . sort of happy. 

I won't have the Cee problem but I will have to figure out what to do. My husband wants me to look for another share-boarder if I can find one I agree with, because money. it's quite a bit to take on two horses, one of whom we'll be paying the $200 board for as well as all the expenses we have for horse #1. So I have put out feelers. 

If I can't find someone I will get another small horse, not a pony, I think. I will have to anyway eventually. Not much more feed, but a real riding horse gives me more flexibility. Maybe I can even find someone who wants to trail ride but doesn't have a horse, whom I actually enjoy being with. Miracles happen . . .


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

Cee has a place for her horse which now frees you up. 

Have you considered just letting your horse be solo for a while? Your set up just seems to require a lot of cooperation and agreement on care, and that is a rarity. Otherwise a second riding horse sounds the most practical solution.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

AnitaAnne said:


> Cee has a place for her horse which now frees you up.
> 
> Have you considered just letting your horse be solo for a while? Your set up just seems to require a lot of cooperation and agreement on care, and that is a rarity. Otherwise a second riding horse sounds the most practical solution.


She'd be a mess as an only horse. She can't see any other horses from the pasture. As a temporary companion I can borrow one of my teacher's lesson horses but I'll need another horse. I agree with you, there's too much cooperation needed. I'm kind of surprised it worked as long as it did, in retrospect (it was imperfect but quite tolerable before the road problem, which was in February, four months ago). But I owe it to our bank account to give a shot at another boarder.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Avna said:


> She'd be a mess as an only horse.


_Have you truly ever tried her as a sole horse under your care?
Why do you say "she'd be a mess" ?
What does she do? 
In all the time you've owned her has she ever been by herself for hours...no other horse is sight or sound distance?
Was she dangerous, so anxious she ran and screamed non-stop if in her paddock or pasture?
Not every horse needs to see, smell or live with another horse.
Some horses must have a companion, some truly don't need one.
I know everyone screams they can't live alone, it's unfair, it's unnatural....
It's life at times and horses can adapt...
Have you had her as a single horse?
Was she given time to adapt to being a single horse and still was "a mess" ?
If you haven't tried, seriously tried the single horse thing with yours you might be surprised at how well she would do....

Sometimes we interrupt what we feel is right when in actuality the horse is fine alone as long as they have companionship from their human daily, a job to do, food, water and good care.
I had several horses as a kid.
Most of them were one at a time...those horses did not* not* cope or suffer because they were "solitary". 
They thrived, each one because they all had a job, time with their human, good food and care given to them. Undivided attention...
Actually, when my friends would bring their horse{s} over and we would put them together my horse was put-out that he had to share his environment.
He wasn't happy was apparent.
Once the horse left, so did the attitude and the content, happy attitude returned.

You strike me as someone who likes things done just so, at certain times and in particular ways.
You know what you like and that for the most part is that...
Are you sure that getting a share-boarder on a horse you will own is going to work?
You have to over-look sometimes a lot of stuff in how someone else does things concerning everything. No one is going to do to your standards or exactly how you would do it but you.
You're experiencing that right now...
It may be kinder to your bank account to have someone share the expenses but at the cost of your happiness or sanity...no. 
Get a second horse because you want a second horse. Get that horse and take on all the responsibility of that added animal so things are done to your way and standard.
If you have a friend who rides, invite them along for a occasional ride on your horse...but to try to get someone to board to pay half the cost at the cost of the anxiety and angst you just went through {still are yet} to me is not worth the savings of a few dollars for the high blood pressure and ulcer you've been working on with irritation on the barn scene.
Get the second horse if you must, because you want it. Or if you swear your horse can't do solitary.
Can the share-boarder. Foot the work-load and bills yourself.
Be happy....
:runninghorse2:....
jmo..

_


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Darn auto-correct....
This... 
_Sometimes we interrupt what we feel is right when in actuality the horse is fine alone as long as they have companionship from their human daily, a job to do, food, water and good care.

_Was supposed to be...
_Sometimes we interpret what *we* feel is right__ when in actuality *the horse* is fine alone as long as they have companionship from their human daily, a job to do, food, water and good care. ...

_To me, now corrected it can change how much of the above post is received and perceived by others..
_Sorry for any confusion. 
:runninghorse2:....
_


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Although horses can be kept alone, as a general rule of animal-keeping I always try to use how that species lives naturally as a guideline, to the degree it is possible. Horses do not live alone in nature. 

Right now I am tending toward buying a usable riding-horse-size companion, as opposed to trying to find a boarder, but nothing has been decided.

My riding teacher suggested, if I drive (as opposed to ship) Brooke and another riding horse to the Other Coast, that I make it into an adventure, take along a riding buddy and make trail riding stops along the way. (She also suggested she'd volunteer). 

That is an idea I could get behind. I can immediately think of several parks near the northern route (I-80) that I'd love to explore.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

horselovinguy said:


> Darn auto-correct....
> This...
> _Sometimes we interrupt what we feel is right when in actuality the horse is fine alone as long as they have companionship from their human daily, a job to do, food, water and good care.
> 
> ...


I read it how you meant it. I guess one gets good at that reading internet posts . . . all I can say is, I know my horse.


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## phantomhorse13 (Feb 18, 2011)

Avna said:


> My riding teacher suggested, if I drive (as opposed to ship) Brooke and another riding horse to the Other Coast, that I make it into an adventure, take along a riding buddy and make trail riding stops along the way. (She also suggested she'd volunteer).
> 
> That is an idea I could get behind. I can immediately think of several parks near the northern route (I-80) that I'd love to explore.


I can see i-80 from my front yard.. just saying. :cowboy:


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

phantomhorse13 said:


> I can see i-80 from my front yard.. just saying. :cowboy:


I will bear that in mind!


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Well, the Morgan mare I had my eye on is 'sale pending' so that's out. Meanwhile I am meeting in a couple days with a lady who has a 30 year old Arabian mare she needs to move, who is interested in Cee's spot.


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