# Depression; how do you cope?



## katbalu (Sep 8, 2011)

Exercise. Hiking, swimming, etc. something with goals, something that requires some determination. Something that gets your thoughts off of what's swirling around in your head all the time. Do something that puts your mindset and thoughts on something bigger than yourself, if that makes sense? That's always helped me. I hope that makes sense.
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## Gale Hawkins (Jul 16, 2013)

Short answer what works for one may be the opposite what another should do.

Physical action seems to help. I have picked up a brush blade or axle and worked on an overgrown bank or fence row. 

We just got the minis for the daughter and wife but I find working with them every morning and evening insures I sleep well and they are the first thing I look out to see each morning. 

Just moving vs setting helps me. Not everyone is happy about it but if something is getting me down I try to see what I can do to change that factor that is not highly illegal.


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## lilypoo (Jun 15, 2013)

I have Dysthymia and it's been there since my teens (and I'm turning 40 next month). Anxiety is the worst "side effect" that I have, along with overeating and a general lack of motivation in many areas.

I've done some CBT and that helps but it's tough to fit in the appointments over long periods of time. I started antidepressants a couple years ago (actually weaning off this summer after two years) and also take an anti-anxiety med as needed (a benzo; I don't find them habit-forming) as needed.

I've noticed a huge improvement since I've been able to get back into horses. Having to get up and take care of my horse has been great for me. The exercise certainly helps as well. Just being down at the barn working on things and being around ALL the horses (and their people) has been very therapeutic for me. Grooming and shoveling is soothing to me. 

This has all been great cause I have been on a bit of a down-swing this year...my oldest turned 18 and started college full-time and my next oldest is starting high school after home-schooling for many, many years. And like I said I'm turning 40...so I've been in a bit of a funk this year. 

You gotta find what makes you feel better and force yourself sometimes. It helps if family/friends can alert you when you're NOT taking care of yourself. Sometimes what you really need to feel better is almost impossible to remember to do!


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## MsLady (Apr 18, 2013)

Finding this thread is a life saver. I have not been clinically diagnosed with depression but I've been a nurse for over 18 years and I know better. I know I'm in a very dark place right now and need to find a way out (I have a drs appt Monday and my husband is very aware of how I am feeling). Spending time with our horses is the only time I leave the house, but it is getting too hot to stay long periods of time and the sun and I do not get along!
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## xlionesss (Jan 30, 2012)

As much as it's hard to get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, and go outside...the sun helps. It helps me a LOT to go to the barn and just spend time with my horses. I noticed a lot of times I really don't want to go, but I force myself and once I'm there- I'm much happier. It also helps to have someone to talk to at all times. It also helps to shower LOL, that usually makes me feel a bit better about myself, too.


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## lilypoo (Jun 15, 2013)

I forgot to mention that it can be helpful to have your vitamin levels checked. I was severely deficient in D3, folate and B12. I went on weekly and then monthly B12 shots, folate pills and heavy doses of D3, tapering off into a maintenance dose. Low magnesium is also a big factor in depression/anxiety and I feel better when I supplement with that. 5-HTP, L-Theanine and other supplements have helped me as well. My doc is somewhat holistic so it helps that he's open to exploring diet and supplements as well as pharm.


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## demonwolfmoon (Oct 31, 2011)

you probably dont want to hear this, but im not sure I cope so much as I survive. Most meds seem to have negligible impact. Same with counciling, so I only go when things are dire. Winter lack of sun is bad for me, very bad...it helps to get a little sun.

I do enjoy studying major related topics, and spending time with chickens. One because its fascinating, and the second because of their sheer simplicity. Theyre outside, not crapping on my rug or leaving hair everywhere, and they make the most soothing sounds.


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## xlionesss (Jan 30, 2012)

Honestly, meds did help me. I have other things along with depression(anxiety and about 7 years of anorexia/bulimia). I think if you speak with a doctor, they'll give you insight on what medications may help you the most. It is definitely worth a shot, though. Some things cannot be helped without medication...kind of like someone who has fibromyalgia, multiple sclerosis, arthritis etc etc. We have medication to help us for a reason and there are *MANY* great success stories- me being one of them. I would of died had I not gone on medicine for my eating disorders, my bodily systems were shutting down from malnutrition. And look at me now! I'm chubbier than I'd like, but I'm healthy and happy with 2 great horses, a wonderful guy who helps me through my "relapses" and loves me at the weight I am, and my hermit-like personality!


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## whalegirl (Jul 5, 2013)

Thank you everyone for your responses! I am going through CBT right now and hearing what everyone else does to help themselves is definitely a good thing. I work 50-60 hours a week, keeping a roof over my own head is hard enough, there's no way I could take on another living thing and this causes me pain. If I could, there is no doubt in my mind that that would help me. Please continue the conversation!

@mslady, please keep us updated! It's good to talk about it and have support from people even if we are strangers.
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## xlionesss (Jan 30, 2012)

Come take some of my fuzzy critters, I have 4 dogs, 3 cats, 2 horses, and a rabbit LOL


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## whalegirl (Jul 5, 2013)

Unfortunately in addition to my lack of funds my house is overrun with a pesky rat dog and a humongous fat cat and per the lease we can't have any more pets. They belong to my roommates and like their "parents" are probably the most obnoxious creatures on the planet lol
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## MsLady (Apr 18, 2013)

We have 2 small chiauhuas and a few years ago I read somewhere that petting animals will release serotonin in your brain, kinda like a natural anti-depressant for a short while. So the joke here, when someone is down or upset, "pet the chiauhua, pet the chiauhua"! Our poor babies, some days we may pet their hair off!
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## Mochachino (Aug 14, 2012)

Lol MsLady! I decided after years of being on meds to stop. I was on Effexor and if anyone here knows anything about this med first don't ever go on it, and it is hell to get off of it. It took me three months of not taking it before most of the horrible withdrawl symptoms went away. Now I guess I just cope. Some days are ok, some days I want to sleep. I try to keep busy and get my butt off the couch, other days I don't. Horses help and I stay in contact with friends. I know it's bad when I start to withdrawl and isolate myself from them, so I make a big effort to stay in touch.


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## demonwolfmoon (Oct 31, 2011)

I didnt answer a non work call for 2 years, once. Now I have friends but no close friends.I find socializing to be so draining. everyone expects something out of you, and I can play the part but it eats me alive, I fell into a 3 hour sleep coma after successfully insinuating myself into getting hired on the spot yesterday...with no appointment. So clearly I can do it, but its so hard to fake what people consider normal. ugh.

People are so fake though, most would throw their elderly grandma into traffic for a nickel. One reason Im so depressed? this society makes me so sick sometimes. No one cares about anyone else.....


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## whalegirl (Jul 5, 2013)

@nomadseawolf that's how my relationship with my roommates has deteriorated so much. They love being around people and when I'm not at work there is a very select few people I can stand being around. My boyfriend and his family mostly. My best friend lives 4 hours away from me an my family is 12 hours away otherwise they would be on the list too. I never answer phone calls, I wait for them to leave a message first. I stay in my room the few hours I'm home and don't venture into the rest of the house unless its crucial. I can't even clean my own room when people are home. Like you said, everyone expects something out of you. What's worse is that at 22 years old I've been on my own for the last four years yet my roommates still treat me like a child. Despite being the only one who can pay the bills on time and consistently proving that I'm a responsible adult I am always treated like a child.
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## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

Wow, you are me 20 years ago. Boy did I hate my 20's. The decade of "shoulds". Everyone should enjoy partying. Everyone should date. Everyone should like shopping for clothes...ugh. 

I tried to beat what I thought was mild depression for 20+ years with no success. No drug or therapy did squat. I also lived far away from any friends or family. I never liked being out in crowds at parties or bars. It just wasn't me. For years I had people tell me to get out, be around other people, put myself in situations I would not normally do. The day I realized what a bunch of crap was is when things took a nice turn for the better. I am, plain and simple, an introvert. Put me in large crowd or at a busy bar, and I'm a miserable girl. Let me be with my horse or at home with my parrots and a cat curled up next to me, and I'm happy as a clam. We all don't fit into the box that society dictates we fit into. It just isn't realistic. We don't all have those magic social skills where we can have those instant connections that we watch others make. No pill can solve what you are going through. You are suffering from the young person symptom of "shoulds". There is nothing you should or should not do. If it doesn't feel comfortable for you, don't do it. That being said, do seek out things that you love. If you are an animal person, put in a few hours a week at a shelter walking the dogs. If you like gardening, plant some vegetables. Take some time and find what makes you happy. It doesn't matter what makes everyone else happy. That might sound selfish, but if you don't take care of your own needs, no magical fairy is going to show up and do it for you.

Your #1 advantage here. You are young. Get yourself a good education or job skill, make good money, buy yourself a nice condo or small house where you can be with just yourself and go out and mingle with others when you darn well feel like it. I know things don't feel so great now. Just get through it. At some point, the clouds will part and you will find what makes you happy.


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## whalegirl (Jul 5, 2013)

MyBoyPuck said:


> Your #1 advantage here. You are young. Get yourself a good education or job skill, make good money, buy yourself a nice condo or small house where you can be with just yourself and go out and mingle with others when you darn well feel like it. I know things don't feel so great now. Just get through it. At some point, the clouds will part and you will find what makes you happy.


I wish it were that simple, believe me. I have a very strong family history of depression. I grew up with a depressed parent, one of my aunts committed suicide when I was a kid, and I have several cousins who struggle with addiction. I know I am young and hope that I can turn this around so that when I am a mom I don't put my kids through what I went through. I sought out help and was diagnosed by a medical professional after several situations made it very clear that I need help. I'd like to think my therapist would agree with you though. I just have to learn how to recognize those clouds parting.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

When I was going through depression I found my self a good psychologist and proper medication. It took a WHILE and a rather long stay at the hospital but i found the right combo of medication and a trustworthy psychologist. When I came out of the hospital I started volunteering at the barn I currently work at. Doing something for someone else made me feel better then any medication ever could. Not to mention the activity, sense of belonging, socialization, sense of worth, and what not it gave me. I'd look into volunteering where every you think would be the best fit for you. A hospital, therapeutic riding center, the VA, homeless shelter, animal shelter, etc. A few months after starting volunteering I quit all my medication. If I started to feel "dark" again I'd remind myself the life isn't easy and I have a lot to be thankful for. Bottom line was I didn't want to be depressed anymore. I feel like I somehow separated myself from depression and moved on, while in the beginning I was wallowing in my own self pitty. Sincerely *wanting* to get/feel better can, and will, make all the difference!


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

whalegirl said:


> I wish it were that simple, believe me. I have a very strong family history of depression. I grew up with a depressed parent, one of my aunts committed suicide when I was a kid, and I have several cousins who struggle with addiction. *I know I am young and hope that I can turn this around* so that when I am a mom I don't put my kids through what I went through. I sought out help and was diagnosed by a medical professional after several situations made it very clear that I need help. I'd like to think my therapist would agree with you though. I just have to learn how to recognize those clouds parting.


There is your problem right there, you have to actually BELIEVE and truly want to get better. 

And ps, your family doesn't dictate who your going to become. Addiction runs in my family. My mother is an alcoholic, my father is a deadbeat who had a "drug/drinking habit", my grandparents have both more then indulged in their fair share of alcohol, my grandfather was pretty heavy into coke in the 70s and now I start seeing signs of my aunt going from "wine-o" to maybe having a little bit of a problem. I see what happens around me and how it tears people apart. That will NEVER be me and i've learned to make lemons into lemonade. While most kids grow up following their examples I was learning what NOT to do. Take your experience and use it to your advantage.


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## demonwolfmoon (Oct 31, 2011)

SlideStop said:


> There is your problem right there, you have to actually BELIEVE and truly want to get better.
> 
> And ps, your family doesn't dictate who your going to become. Addiction runs in my family. My mother is an alcoholic, my father is a deadbeat who had a "drug/drinking habit", my grandparents have both more then indulged in their fair share of alcohol, my grandfather was pretty heavy into coke in the 70s and now I start seeing signs of my aunt going from "wine-o" to maybe having a little bit of a problem. I see what happens around me and how it tears people apart. That will NEVER be me and i've learned to make lemons into lemonade. While most kids grow up following their examples I was learning what NOT to do. Take your experience and use it to your advantage.


Really, do you really think that?!

Honestly, I was a pretty normal if a bit Emo kid until the depression kicked in, oh around 17. I had a ton of friends, a TON of friends, and pretty much any boyfriend I wanted. I had good grades. I went from that to extreme anxiety attacks, not graduating on time, dropping out of school etc. The difference between me and my family is that once I became an adult, I KNEW IT WASN'T normal, so I went to doctors to manage it. I still take the meds when I become unmanageable.

But to say that pretty much we can get better if we "REALLY WANT TO". Omg, really? You really think that I wouldn't love to be a popular social butterfly instead of someone who can't deal with the "social norms" without falling into a serious coma like nap afterwards? You know, it take serious work and I find little to no comfort in social gatherings, even "family" outside of the immediate. You really think all it takes is "hey, I don't want to do this anymore?!" Because I'm here to tell you right now that my life would be a thousand times easier if I could wake up one morning, snap my fingers and be a "normal girl" and accepted or at least able to overlook people looking down on my for my eccentricities.

It comes down to many many factors, some of which are genetic. *SOME OF US CAN NEVER GO OFF THE MEDS*. I am probably one of those people, and I resent it, and I fall off of them, the catch being I'm smart enough to know when I roll too deep into myself

Some people get better from therapy. Some people get better through meds. SOME people can get better through their spiritual beliefs. Some people find comfort in solitude or their animals. It all depends on the person.

It is most definitely not a matter of strictly "wish power" however. I, like you, saw what I didn't want to be....I don't want to be an obese, social outcast by choice, spying on the neighbors through the curtains while eating bologna because I'm too screwed up to get a job and can't won't get aid, nor do I want to be a crazy animal hoarder that goes outside smelling like cologne and cat pee. 

I think that even though I suffer with depression and struggle to deal with other people, I am succeeding.

Anyway end rant, and don't take it personally, it's just that not everyone can say "I'M GOING TO BE NORMAL!" and make it so.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Well I guess everyone's personal experience is different. 

I'm not saying all it takes is some will power, a snap of a finger and a wrinkle of the nose to magically get better. What m
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## whalegirl (Jul 5, 2013)

Thats the problem with people who have ONLY experienced that mentality of believe it will happen and it'll happen. And a main reason why this can go so long undiagnosed. Many many people don't believe the condition is what it is. And yes, family history IS a deciding factor, it is one of the questions you get asked when you decide to get treatment along with "have you had any recent traumas in the last two years?"
One of the reasons I feel so misunderstood and isolated is BECAUSE all my life people have told me to buck up. It's so hard for people to step back and think of what a dark place I could possibly be in. I've reached out for help SO MANY TIMES only for people to say "Stop being depressed" or, worse, "You're not depressed you're just having a bad day." Yes, I'm having a bad day... every day. I've had many fights with people because I can't MAKE myself trust them, or stop having a negative outlook. And just like those people don't know how I can feel these things, I don't know how not to.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Well I guess everyone's personal experience is different. 

I'm not saying all it takes is some will power, a snap of a finger and a wrinkle of the nose to magically get better. More of what I'm getting at is pushing yourself, just like anyone else with chronic a chronic disease. My friend has MS and it sure as hell would be a lot easier for her to sit in the house all day and toss pills down her throat. Instead she gets up every morning and get outside and moving because she has two horses, two dogs and grandson. Despite her difficulties she pushes her limits to achieve what she can. 

As for myself I remember when my depression sunk in I remember losing just about all my friends (I had a maybe two who stuck around even though I tried so hard to push them away.), all I would do is sleep, I never wanted to leave the house to do anything, I would pace my room for house, cut myself, I could lay awake in one spot for house, I was hostile towards my family. It got so bad my mother would strip me down and beat the heck out of me with a wooden spoon every few days because she didn't know how else to stop me. Well, I went into the hospital and quiet frankly I didn't care what happened to me. I still cut, I was in my room if I could be and I was still very timid. Up until that point I had been on the max dose of a couple meds with no prevail. Finally in the hospital they started me a combo therapy, which showed promising results. They eventually transferred me to a long term care facility where I just became more miserable. The conditions were substandard. Faced with the reality of living there for a year I went down hill again. A few weeks in I had a chat with my counselor about where I stand as far as treatment and discharge. I didn't like what she had to say, from then on I decided I would take therapy seriously, try to pick my self up and stop not caring, I would find more positive outlets for my anxiety instead of carving myself up, and just really work toward taking control over myself instead of being sloshing through a mud pit of emotions. I got out of there in three months, pretty much record timing since the average stay was 6 months to a year. Then that's when I found the barn I work at now. It's probably done more good for me then I've done for them. Like I said, it gave me that push to get out the door, a place to make friends with the same interests as me (which I had lost), a feeling a belonging (when I believed no one cared about me), the feeling is success (when I though I was a failure), it kept me from fall back into my old habits (laying in bed, pacing), got me exercise (the 30lbs I gained on meds came all off), boosting my self-esteem (i had none), got me away from my crazy mother. I could go on and on about how much this played a roll in keeping from becoming depressed all over again. Were their days that I would of rather laid in bed? Yup. Or day where it was SO tempting to hurt myself? Yup. But I didn't want to ever journey that road again! 

Call it what you will demomwolfmoon, maybe you don't even think I was really depressed after reading my story but it worked for me. Having a positive attitude and pushing yourself can only help.
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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

whalegirl - I think you're already seeing that you are not on your own. 
I suffer with depression just as my mother did but I think I actually learnt from her mistakes and instead of allowing it to rule me I try to take charge
Agree with everyone that getting out there and doing something is by far the best way to fight it - occupy your mind with as many things as you can.
One thing I do find is to not over challenge myself and be realistic about my expectations in life - it doesn't mean that you should be an underachiever or set the bar too low - it means that you become more acceptant of your limitations and satisfied with the things you are able to do.
B12 helps me a lot - I have a deficiency and need a high daily dose or injections, if I stop taking it the difference is really noticeable.


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## Gale Hawkins (Jul 16, 2013)

I have a view on many subjects including this thread. With that being said my left brain keeps reminding me any and all mental health issues often are too complex for the trained professionals to get their heads around quickly. 

Our mental health is not a static thing so tomorrow we and others may be a different case to understand.

It it comes to ourselves and those we are around it is hard to be objective about mental health concerns. 

The 15 year old may be ADHA at that age but 20-40 years later be an undiagnosed Paranoid Schizophrenic if the medical profession keeps thinking ADHA. Drug use/past drug use can really blind family, friends and even the medical professionals to one's changes in mental health. No I am not stating ADHA leads to Paranoid Schizophrenic state. I am saying doctors have to keep an open mind because people's mental health is not a static thing.

Reading the web for help is common but not without high risks if one buys into the wrong info in THEIR case. As I get older I find I have to keep more distance from some people due to the negative energy (often due to their mental health issues) they can bring. If someone knocks on your door from time to time and you find there is a full time dread of the coming NEXT time you have to ask yourself some very hard WHY questions I think. 

Keep moving seems to work for many. Someone told me long ago they do not bury people that keep moving so I try to keep moving to be on the safe side.


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## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

whalegirl said:


> I wish it were that simple, believe me. I have a very strong family history of depression. I grew up with a depressed parent, one of my aunts committed suicide when I was a kid, and I have several cousins who struggle with addiction. I know I am young and hope that I can turn this around so that when I am a mom I don't put my kids through what I went through. I sought out help and was diagnosed by a medical professional after several situations made it very clear that I need help. I'd like to think my therapist would agree with you though. I just have to learn how to recognize those clouds parting.


Again, this might as well have been written 20 years ago about me. Grew up with depressed mother, aunt was the suicide, nobody in family to really latch onto for a healthy influence. I spent more of my 20's asleep than awake. Was in a hospital once cuz I kept forgetting to eat and lost too much weight. JUST GET THROUGH IT. Find whatever little rays of sunshine you can find and cling to them. Use your therapist for support for as long as you need, but recognize you have far more power of this than you think you do. If I had not made it though my 20's, I would have never been here for my time with my horse which has been, so far the best years of my life by far. 

If you still don't believe how much you can influence your own mind, try this. For the next week, every time someone says something nice or compliments you in some way, no matter how much you want to dismiss the compliment or otherwise bash yourself, just smile and say thank you. It will feel like battery acid the first few days, but them becomes easier and eventually perfectly natural. You will actually feel different by the end of the week just by doing this.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

To be honest I don't even know my family history, and nor do I care to. It's just how I am.

I have been through bouts of depression and it was very hard to get out. I'm still 100% out because I recently broke up with my boyfriend and have been feeling really isolated lately. I have friends here in New Zealand but they're mainly work colleagues and all are older than I am. So I find myself on FB feeling like a ghost, looking at all the fun and adventures others are having.

So I've been there.. I never took medication for it though. I didn't really talk to too many people about it either. 

What helps me is looking to the future, appreciating everything that I have. That I can walk, that I am not completely blind yet, that I have a job, that I have a few friends at work that I can grab a hot chocolate with.. that Sky is healthy and doing great, that I'm slowly learning more about computers.. just everything and anything.

I fight to find things to celebrate, and know that if I smile and think about all that I have going on for the best, it will become happiness


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