# My friend keeps making rude comments about my weight.



## tinyliny

End the lease. Yesterday!


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## gypsygirl

wow she doesnt sound like a friend at all, i would get out of there !


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## Tianimalz

Ever try just talking to her? Looking past your side and your obvious hurt feelings, she almost sounds like she is in fact just concerned for you and her horse (not saying she isn't rude.). Could be wrong, I don't know either of ya, just throwing that out there.


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## Speed Racer

You consider this person a friend, why? 

If anyone spoke to me that way they wouldn't have to worry about me riding their horse, because they'd find their lease terminated.


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## Cacowgirl

Yep, time to terminate, then I'd show up a few months later-Thinner! Really-there are so many issues when it comes to losing weight-I'm short, too, & put on 10 pounds last June-I barely eat, & have just now lost maybe 3 pounds-it's soooo difficult!


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## themacpack

We must have a different definition of the word "friend", because I certainly wouldn't consider someone who treated me in that fashion to be fitting of the title. End the lease.....and the "friendship"


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## waresbear

End the lease, don't encourage rude people.


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## DancingArabian

End the lease and the friendship. She's toxic.


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## Lockwood

I agree with the others. She is not a good friend at all and has no business being so rude.

If you are the type to say something, you could remind her that you are not deaf and heard her the first time she "commented" on your weigh.
And, if 200-ish pounds was sooo terribly heavy for a horse, then I guess most men should _never ever_ ride a horse. At least not any manly ones.
I mean gosh, many "in shape" men weigh upwards of 200, then you add tack and all.... oh my, those poor poor normal sized horses they ride! 
And just how in the heck did man ever conquer the west? I guess they all walked and lead their horse against the hostiles, or there were no such things as The Pony Express?
And horses have elvolved to only be able to carry little skinny girls who have no butts and use synthetic featherlight saddles... and... I think you get the picture. :wink:


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## Inga

Isn't it funny how things change in friendships as circumstances change? The true friends remain the same, the others need to be kicked to the curb. I wouldn't tolerate bullying or abuse from a friend. It just isn't okay to treat anyone that way, much less a friend. My advice, drop the lease and the friend, then diet your butt off (literally) and go find a different horse to lease. The one that is truly sabotaging you is her. Good luck to you and don't let anyone put you down like that. It isn't right.


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## CowboysDream

Ah, how unfortunate. I understand this is a complicated situation, being that before she lost her weight she probably felt like a true friend to you. I have seen this happen to so many people, they lose weight and then become 'big headed and elite'. My mum has been on a diet to lose weight and she goes on about how everything has to be organic and she always says how my dad is trying to sabotage her. I don't get it. 

I think in the end you know what you need to do. Riding should be fun and she is poisoning it for you. Either talk to her about it or take a break from your lease and friendship for a bit. A little room could be good if you want to keep her as a friend. If not, then just walk away.


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## QOS

what a fricktard. She isn't your friend. She beats up on you verbally to make herself feel better. With a friend like that you certainly don't need any enemies.

Lose the lease...lost the "friend" and if you want - lose the weight (wish I could!!!) I don't think you are too heavy for a 15 hand horse because if you are I will have to give up riding The Biscuit and that is not happening any time soon.


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## themacpack

Having re-read your post and thought it over a bit I do have a couple of thoughts/questions.
Do you WANT to maintain the friendship, if possible? IS your husband sabotaging you?
It's easy for someone such as myself to sit here on the other side of a computer screen and say you should end a frienship, I am not the one with the time, emotion, etc invested in that friendship that you have. If you want to maintain the friendship, I think you will have to confront this situation head-on. Ask your fried to coffee and lay it all on the line - let her know that whatever beneficial message she is trying to convey to you is being lost in the delivery methods she is using. Tell her, point blank, how hurtful what she is doing/saying is to you. Once you've done that the proof will be in the pudding - if she makes an effort to change her ways, the friendship may be salvageable (IF that is what you want)


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## SorrelHorse

If you really like this friend try and save it like Mac said. If not, dump the lease, dump her.

I have a friend who is actually one of my bests and we have spats all the time. Not quite the same as this but we're both obnoxiously prideful and that sometimes gets between us and insults get thrown and often I contemplate the idea of us being better not speaking. However, at the end of the day we know we're the same and honestly, who else would tolerate us? :lol: :lol: We're meant to be together til the end of the world, I think.

Now...From the information you've provided this is NOT the same situation as what I have with my friend. However, if there's more info that makes it so, try and save what you can.


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## redhorse86

Hi all, 
I greatly appreciate all the good advice and support
After careful consideration I've decided to terminate the lease and friendship. She really ****ed me off when she started trash talking about my husband.Who has been nothing but supportive of me with everything. I gained all this weight because I have been sick for the last three years. I have a chronic illness that is painful so joining a gym was the last thing on my mind. And this so called friend thinks she is a freaking expert about everything. Even this chronic illness I have had to deal with. It is extremely frustrating trying to talk to her about anything because she thinks she is a doctor. So there really isn't a friendship to salvage. I have pretty much had it with her!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Samstead

redhorse86 said:


> Hi all,
> I greatly appreciate all the good advice and support
> After careful consideration I've decided to terminate the lease and friendship. She really ****ed me off when she started trash talking about my husband.Who has been nothing but supportive of me with everything. I gained all this weight because I have been sick for the last three years. I have a chronic illness that is painful so joining a gym was the last thing on my mind. And this so called friend thinks she is a freaking expert about everything. Even this chronic illness I have had to deal with. It is extremely frustrating trying to talk to her about anything because she thinks she is a doctor. So there really isn't a friendship to salvage. I have pretty much had it with her!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well if she were a doctor she'd realize the weight gain was due to the illness. She is not a friend, she is a b with an itch if you catch my drift.


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## Randella

Wow! Anybody who ever spoke to me that way would not be my friend. And I certainly would not be paying to ride her horse. 

There are much nicer people to lease from in the world!


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## HagonNag

I'm still trying to figure out in what universe this would be considered a friend?

Glad you dumped her and the lease.


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## afatgirlafathorse

You know, one of the toughest but MOST VALUABLE lessons for me to learn in life was to regularly take out the trash. I consider myself to be a friend who builds others up, gives of my time and my emotion and has genuine sincere empathy for them. If my friends are not delivering the same on a regular basis (personal crisis, etc, aside), I do not need them in my life. I am glad you terminated the lease and the friendship. I wonder -- were you riding her horse before she lost her weight and she just now has a problem with it?


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## RandysWifey

My whole family is on the plus side of the spectrum and if ANYONE talked to my family like that (especially my sister who is my best friend) they would find themselves with my fist coming towards there throat. It is NO ONE'S right to degrade you-regardless of a lease that I assume you are paying for.


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## Dustbunny

I think you made the right choice.
Good luck with finding another horse to lease...and a better friend.


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## horsietori

redhorse86 said:


> Ever since my friend lost 40 lbs she has become rude and obnoxious.


Maybe you need to REMIND her that she was once heavier? Maybe show her some pictures of herself BEFORE the loss of 40 pounds. END THE "FRIENDSHIP" asap and the lease.


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## littrella

afatgirlafathorse said:


> I consider myself to be a friend who builds others up, gives of my time and my emotion and has genuine sincere empathy for them. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> That is what a true friend is. They suport, help & motivate you, not tear you down.


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## gogaited

redhorse86 said:


> Ever since my friend lost 40 lbs she has become rude and obnoxious. I lease one of her horses and she basically said to my face that I'm to fat to ride her horse. She has actually asked me what I weigh and that she has the right to discuss my weight because I ride her horse. So I joined her gym with her and all she does is harass me about my diet and she calls me lazy. And she had the nerve to tell my trainer at the gym that my husband is a piece of work and that he is intentionally sabotaging me losing weight. So I stay fat because if I'm not fat anymore he would lose me. Then one day I was talking about taking lessons and she said her trainer would tell me I was to big to ride her horse. Now I know I freaking need to lose weight. I'm not stupid I am 5"3 and weigh over 200lbs I ride her 15 hand Morgan who has a narrow build. She is always throwing that **** 20% of the horses body weight in my face. It is getting to the point that I don't even want to ride anymore. I am seriously considering ending the lease because I am sick of all her crap.


Ya think? And she is not your friend.


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## redhorse86

Just to update everyone I have found a new barn and two new horses to ride. I don't have to pay anything she just wants the horses ridden.


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## Barrel Baby

wooow that sounds great!!!!


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## Le007

Honey, you need a new friend. This lady's true colors are showing. (of course, you know at some level it is HER insecurity that makes her act this way to you) 

Be kind, (because you are not like her) and tell her it is painful for you to spend time with her. Find some great new friend to spend your time with and there are other barns and horses!!


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## Saddlebag

On the other hand, she is aware of the health dangers of obesity and she may be afraid of losing you because you are on that road. Tact and diplomacy isn't her forte but her interest in your losing weight seems genuine.


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## Eileen

Maybe your "friend" needs a reality check. Do you have a picture of her when she weighed 40 lbs more?


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## hhenry4011

No friend would ever sabotage you like that; I say lose the horse and the 'friend.'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RobinG

Friends don't treat friends like that, it's that simple. Say goodbye and don't look back, she's not worth it.


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## evergreen

I don't understand why, if your friend thinks you are too heavy for her horse, she doesn't end the lease herself. :?

At 200lbs, I would agree you are too heavy for a 15hh narrow horse. Why don't you end the lease and find a horse that is more suited to your weight? 200lbs is not a huge weight for a horse, but you do need to find the right sort. 

I expect that your friend desperately wants you to lose weight and is a bit bothered that you may be damaging her horse, but hasn't the bottle to actually call time on your arrangement. Not the right way to go about things IMO.

ETA:

Just read you have ended the lease and found two others to ride. Good luck.


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## itsjustme

I hate that 20% rule. It really should be more of a guide line than a "rule". 

I am 250-300 pounds, 5'5". My weight fluctuates due to health issues. 

I had a dainty looking foxtrotter mare, who was 14.2 hands. She carried me with no problem at all and it also did not affect her health. She was regularly checked by equine veterinarian group of 4 equine vets. (only reason I do not still have her is that my husband sold her)

I am not saying all small horses can do that, but I believe each horse and rider has to be evaluated for ability and not stick to an arbitrary rule of 20%.

I am sorry that your friend (?) is being nasty and hurtful. It does sound like it would be best for you to end the lease and part ways with her.


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## Glenknock

redhorse86 said:


> Just to update everyone I have found a new barn and two new horses to ride. I don't have to pay anything she just wants the horses ridden.


Delighted to hear this, and i can tell you she aint no friend. because real friend's dont go on like that :evil: you'll make loads of real friends at the new barn :lol:


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