# Critique my ad? (not yet posted)



## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

I'm not sure how lease adds are normally structured, but maybe you should make it clear who is responsible for what in the lease, like "$800 per year and lessee is responsible for all upkeep including boarding, feed, vet and farrier bills". 

Also, can he only be ridden without a bit? Does he have to stay in the state or are you okay anywhere? Also I wouldn't put heaps of pictures, just one good one or two good ones and if they are interested you can email them more.


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## haleylvsshammy (Jun 29, 2010)

I would suggest putting price per month. Some people may only be looking for a lease for 6 months, or 3 months, or however many months!


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## TheLastUnicorn (Jun 11, 2010)

You'll want to choose one GOOD riding photo. "Good" would be a photo which captures one of those "best" moments, and show the horse doing something really well. You may also want to choose a good conformation photo - make sure the horse is standing well, he's easy to see and the camera is not on an angle. 

Then, since this is a lease, you'll want to be pretty clear about what type of rider you're looking for - are you needing someone to put some miles on him, someone to show him, someone to put more training on him? etc. You'll also want to be pretty clear about what you expect, duty or cost wise, from the leasor and what (if anything) you'll be taking care of.


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## myhorsesonador (Jun 21, 2009)

TheLastUnicorn said:


> You'll want to choose one GOOD riding photo. "Good" would be a photo which captures one of those "best" moments, and show the horse doing something really well. You may also want to choose a good conformation photo - make sure the horse is standing well, he's easy to see and the camera is not on an angle.
> 
> Then, since this is a lease, you'll want to be pretty clear about what type of rider you're looking for - are you needing someone to put some miles on him, someone to show him, someone to put more training on him? etc. You'll also want to be pretty clear about what you expect, duty or cost wise, from the leasor and what (if anything) you'll be taking care of.


Agreed!

Also will he be staying at your place???? I would train him to take a bit. Most people dont want to deal with a bitless horse. if he is going to be shown he will need to take a bit, because you cant show with out one unless its jumpers.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

I'll have to do the math for a monthly lease, lol. I want him to stay in the state, I'll add that. He only goes bitless because I don't like bits. & he can't have anyone too hard in his month or he get frustrated & won't listen too well. I was only going to post a few good riding photos. Those are the only ones I have, I just posted them to give an idea. I'm sure I posted in there what kind of rider he needs. Otherwise, I don't care what they do with him. As long as he's treated well & loved
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chiilaa (Aug 12, 2010)

In terms of the ad, you missed out how he handles from the ground. I read ads and look for what the owner misses out or doesn't want to talk about. I would read this and say to myself "nothing about handling from the ground, must be a psycho". Not saying that it is the case, but that's what I would think.


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## VelvetsAB (Aug 11, 2010)

_I agree with Chiilaa....put in info about his ground manners._

_When I read this ad, it makes me think the horse is for sale because he isnt being put up for lease for a specific discipline. He sounds random. I think you should stick to just 1 or 2 disciplines, and then say he hacks out well on trails and enjoys them instead of having 4 prospect sports and 3 that he is able to do. Or word it so that people know that he is currently trained as a hunter pony but would do well as a jumper...and then something about his flat work (He moves off the leg well, leg yeilds, side passes....etc). If you leave it so open, there could be less replies, or you could get someone who isnt going to continue with the training that is already in him. You should also mention that he goes bitless because you ride that way. If there was a way you could ride in a bridle for a few pictures to show that he does go that way would probably be a bonus. _

_Dont do an open ended lease. Make it for a time frame. Make sure you have a contract. State what you will take care of and what the leasee will take care of. _

_Again...this is just my opinion... _

_Just as a side note....I dont think your helmet looks like it fits._


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## Quixotic (May 22, 2009)

Just a suggestion, if you're going to advertise him as a hunter pony, I'd try to get a picture of him when he's a bit further over the jump with his knees much more even than that, and I'd put him in a bridle for the picture, since that is what would be required in a hunter show. If you don't want him ridden with a bit in his mouth, then I wouldn't advertise him as a hunter. I also agree with what VelvetsAB said - advertise what he knows how to do, not what you think he could possibly be used for. If you're going to advertise him as a dressage prospect, then show a picture of him using his hindend & looking a bit more collected, or state what kind of training he's had. Likewise for any of the other disciplines you have him listed as a "prospect" for. If you can't give solid evidence as to why it'd be a good career path for him, then I'd take it off the ad & just focus on what you KNOW he's good at.
Like everyone else said, make it clear what the person leasing him will be responsible for. Vet, farrier, board, feed, etc all needs to be accounted for so that neither of you end up with surprise expenses.
Also, I don't see in the ad how tall he is (unless I'm just blind), so you might want to mention that as well.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Well, I forgot that part (about the height) haha. He's 13.2 so a medium pony?

I'll post a new topic once I get it all together - I don't want my ad to sound too childish.. I want it to sound professional.. So be sure to look at my spelling/wording/grammar etc. I'll post a link to the new thread as a reply on here.  Thanks everyone!


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## Nemesis (Nov 22, 2010)

Looks okay, but I'd ad a few more bits from the heart describe him as a friend. I f I was in the US I'd pick him just for looks he's lovley!


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

Why are you showing pictures of him just being ridden in a halter? I think the horse should have a bridle on in the pictures it makes it more professional looking.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

thanks Nemesis he loves compliments. He knows he's beautiful. 

I don't like riding in a bridle + he doesn't have one. I really haven't found one that matches my tack yet.. Those pictures are also from April.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Sorry, double post..

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-riding-critique/*new*-crit-my-ad-not-yet-71883/


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## kelley horsemad (Feb 7, 2010)

In one breath you say you want your ad to look professional but in the next you say you don't show a photo of him in a bridle as you don't like riding in one and don't have one that matches your tack. Newsflash, the garish halter and lead rope don't match your tack either.  And if he's supposed to be a hunter pony, as others have pointed out, you need to make him look like one. 

Someone else pointed out your poorly fitted helmet... plus the pony is somewhat hairy and dull coated with an unkempt mane and the backgrounds in your photos are messy to the point of distraction. You need good quality photos of you and your pony looking your very best if you're going to be taken seriously.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

kelley horsemad said:


> In one breath you say you want your ad to look professional but in the next you say you don't show a photo of him in a bridle as you don't like riding in one and don't have one that matches your tack. Newsflash, the garish halter and lead rope don't match your tack either.  And if he's supposed to be a hunter pony, as others have pointed out, you need to make him look like one.
> 
> Someone else pointed out your poorly fitted helmet... plus the pony is somewhat hairy and dull coated with an unkempt mane and the backgrounds in your photos are messy to the point of distraction. You need good quality photos of you and your pony looking your very best if you're going to be taken seriously.


Those photos were just for reference. I said they were old. He's much better looking now. He just doesn't have the short hunter mane, it's even.. But thick & longish. I've been asked to grow his mane out & just braid it.

I didn't appreciate the comment on my tack..


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## myhorsesonador (Jun 21, 2009)

ilovemyPhillip said:


> I didn't appreciate the comment on my tack..


If you want to look profesinal you need to get a bridle or something of that nature. A sun bleached halter does not make for a good add photo.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

It's not sun bleached.. That was the first time he wore it.. o.o"


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## myhorsesonador (Jun 21, 2009)

ilovemyPhillip said:


> It's not sun bleached.. That was the first time he wore it.. o.o"


Well it must be the pics or my screen then it looked a bit used.

Still a halter is not a good thing to use in a for sale add.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Then I'll dress him up for the ad. ;]


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

Going to second (third?) what others have said - I would pass him over on appearance alone (both his and yours). You as a rider look sloppy with the jewelry, oversized polo, ill-fitting helmet and hair going everywhere. The pony looks sloppy with the bare lollypop pad (invest in a cover), ill-fitting pad, unclipped fetlocks, unpulled mane, halter and gaming reins. You need to both be neat and well groomed, no ifs, ands or buts. Also, the junk in your 'riding ring' would scare me off.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

I don't have nice facilities. ._.


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## myhorsesonador (Jun 21, 2009)

ilovemyPhillip said:


> I don't have nice facilities. ._.


You dont need nice facilities. You just need clean safe ones.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Oh, and I already said I wouldn't use those photos in an ad.. That was also the day I got out of the hospital after 17 days.. I kinda had the right to look a mess.

I cleaned up since then. I'll take new pictures tomorrow..


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

Don't ask for a critique and then whine when you get it. You asked if those pictures were ok to use in an ad - if you didn't plan to use them for that, it was easy enough to NOT include them. Frankly, if you had just gotten out of the hospital after 17 days, you probably shouldn't have been on the horse (and jumping) in the first place. 

I've seen plenty of clean, safe facilities that aren't what people would consider 'nice'. Yours are downright dangerous with all that junk everywhere.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Thanks.


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## Oxer (Jul 9, 2010)

i've been leasing horses for about 20 years. (until i finally bought my first horse in September)
aside from what everyone has said here:
you really need someone to draw up LEGAL papers for the expectations of care for your animal. I don't think i would lease a horse from anyone who didn't have paperwork ready to go. Even horses that i've leased from my trainers, on a much more flexible and open lease term... i've still had to sign agreement papers. from agreement on shoes, to feeding times, what was to be fed, etc.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Oxer said:


> i've been leasing horses for about 20 years. (until i finally bought my first horse in September)
> aside from what everyone has said here:
> you really need someone to draw up LEGAL papers for the expectations of care for your animal. I don't think i would lease a horse from anyone who didn't have paperwork ready to go. Even horses that i've leased from my trainers, on a much more flexible and open lease term... i've still had to sign agreement papers. from agreement on shoes, to feeding times, what was to be fed, etc.


I planned on it, thank you. [:


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