# Egg donors-Good, bad?



## BarrelWannabe (Feb 8, 2011)

I know this is an odd subject but with what seems to be increasing fertility issues in woman, and men alike, egg donations can be both helpful and harmful.


What is your veiw point and opinion on this?


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I don't see how it would be harmful.

I strongly considered doing it, because the payout is H U G E. Unfortunately, the only clinic near me is about 45 minutes away and I'd have to go once a day for a while to be able to get the hormone injections needed. I can't take that much time off work and keep my job - I'd be looking at a 45 minute trip each way minimum plus the time for the appointment. 

I think it's no different than donating blood, sperm, plasma or bone marrow. You should, however, be able to opt in or opt out of a future child contacting you, though if you opt out you should be required to leave medical information on record because it is important sometimes when trying to diagnose a current issue.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

I'm on the fence about it. On one hand, I would love to help out a woman that can't conceive naturally, but on the other hand ... I'd have a biological child out there that I can't raise ... and then I'd have biological grandchildren that I would have no interaction with... and so on and so forth. 
I have no problem whatsoever with other women opting to donate their eggs - as long as it's for the right reasons - $$ shouldn't be a consideration, in my mind..


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

If you can't get pregnant. Why not adopt. so many unwanted kids with no family. 
I personally think if you can't have kids naturally then... That's how it should be.


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## BarrelWannabe (Feb 8, 2011)

I do agree that it shouldn't be about the money. It should be about giving another woman the opportunity to bear a child if she cannot on her own. 
I don't have a problem with that, and as mentioned is similar to being a sperm donor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

I don't see anything harmful. If you can give someone a joy of having a baby they dream about for years, what is wrong about it?


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Why would the intention behind the donor affect anything? I seriously doubt anyone on the receiving end cares WHY the donor did it or would rule out people based on their motivation to donate.


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## Kayella (Feb 11, 2012)

There can be alot of complications from donating eggs. Women have died from donating. Do A LOT of research in the health aspects of donating before you make a decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Janna said:


> If you can't get pregnant. Why not adopt. so many unwanted kids with no family.
> I personally think if you can't have kids naturally then... That's how it should be.


Janna, have you looked into adoption at all? If not, I'd suggest you doing so first. 

First, it's a lengthy and not easy process to get all documentation ready. Second, you may wait for years for one you want (especially for the baby). And if you want to adopt from another country (I know several couples who did that) it's extremely expensive and also require lots of nerves/time/etc. Not everyone is ready or can afford it. 

Plus giving a birth yourself (even if it came from someone's else egg) is different from adopting one both - physically and mentally. When you do IE (or whatever it's called) you get all possible info about the donor and can chose, while with adopting a kid you may not get even any info at all.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Kayella said:


> There can be alot of complications from donating eggs. *Women have died from donating.* Do A LOT of research in the health aspects of donating before you make a decision.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never heard about it. Any references? I'm not looking into donating, just curious.


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## Tianimalz (Jan 6, 2009)

Janna said:


> If you can't get pregnant. Why not adopt. so many unwanted kids with no family.
> I personally think if you can't have kids naturally then... That's how it should be.


That is a very harsh and cruel statement.


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

kitten_Val said:


> Janna, have you looked into adoption at all? If not, I'd suggest you doing so first.
> 
> First, it's a lengthy and not easy process to get all documentation ready. Second, you may wait for years for one you want (especially for the baby). And if you want to adopt from another country (I know several couples who did that) it's extremely expensive and also require lots of nerves/time/etc. Not everyone is ready or can afford it.
> 
> Plus giving a birth yourself (even if it came from someone's else egg) is different from adopting one both - physically and mentally. When you do IE (or whatever it's called) you get all possible info about the donor and can chose, while with adopting a kid you may not get even any info at all.


I hate kids. No thanks.


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## BarrelWannabe (Feb 8, 2011)

Janna, not everyone dislikes them. I myself am not overly enthusiastic when it comes to children, but I want to have them in the future. 

While adoption is an option and should be considered along with others, I can see the appeal of using someone else's egg if they aren't able to produce their's naturally. It's the feeling that you're actually a mother to the child. It may not genetically belong to you, but physically, it does. You've conceived and carried the child, given birth, and raised from day one. That alone can be worth all the money and time it takes for someone to go through the process.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

Yes I know, was just my opinion and what I think of it. 
Not pushing anything on anyone (even if it came off that way) but 
Yeah. while I don't like kids, if rather not bring one more into the world..rather help one.


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## BarrelWannabe (Feb 8, 2011)

Very true. Which is why I think adoption should be looked into first, but many people look past it now with the ability to do invitro-fertilization(sp?).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kayella (Feb 11, 2012)

Sorry, I can't find any information about it right now. I had a friend who was looking into it, and there were numerous complications that resulted from donating. Here's one link where it mentions a bit of information.

Egg Donation Risks – 7 Dangers of Donating Eggs - Fertility Nation


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

Janna said:


> If you can't get pregnant. Why not adopt. so many unwanted kids with no family.
> I personally think if you can't have kids naturally then... That's how it should be.


That is a very bold, ignorant statement. Quite frankly, I am very offended. I, for one, am glad for all the advances in fertility treatments. I wouldn't be here without them, thank you very much.


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## Brighteyes (Mar 8, 2009)

Personally, I think it's great. A friend of mine conceived with a donated egg. She loves that kid like just as much as she would if it were her blood. She's never been happier.  She wanted so badly to be pregnant, give birth, and raise the baby from his first moment. Adoption is actually a very difficult process, especially if you want a very young baby. She choose to use an egg donor and didn't regret it a bit.

I would _really_ love to donate. It would be amazing to help someone be that happy. I don't think I would qualify, though.  I have a family history of addiction, depression, and mental disorders -- leaving me and my children genetically predisposed. I myself also have Tourettes. Harmless disorder, but a social taboo I doubt anyone would want to risk. Basically, if I were a horse, the Forum would be whining not to breed me! :lol: 

Anyone more familiar with the process... What are the odds they'd let me into the program?


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

Im a guy haha, but basically you have a biological child you cant see them till there 18 normally and you probably wont get to know them till then. I dont see how its bad... but i dont like it... just for that reason. And like said, many kids out there that you could adopt too!


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

Egg donation is dangerous and difficult and not something to be undertaken lightly. The Payouts for it are so high BECAUSE of the dangers. one of which is that it could leave you infertile.

Personaly I have absolutly no objections to egg donation at all, however I personaly will not do it, I could not bare the idea of a stranger raising a child that is biologicaly mine

There is ONE exception to my no egg donation personal stance and that is for my sister. My sister will have an extremely difficult time concieveing due to a medical condition, at the moment she does not want children however should she ever want a child and need a donor egg, she is welcome to as many of mine as she wants!


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Janna said:


> I hate kids. No thanks.


Then please do not come off judgmental in such a delicate subject. Adopting a kid vs giving birth to own is NOT the same as buying a foal already on ground vs making your mare pregnant just because you want it (or adopting a kitten from the shelter). 

I agree with other posters, your original statement (whether it's opinion or not) was harsh and, frankly, offensive.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Kayella said:


> Sorry, I can't find any information about it right now. I had a friend who was looking into it, and there were numerous complications that resulted from donating. Here's one link where it mentions a bit of information.
> 
> Egg Donation Risks – 7 Dangers of Donating Eggs - Fertility Nation


Thanks, Kayella! I gonna check it out. As I said I'm not interested in donating, but that's something new for me to learn for sure.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

I agree with kittenVal - adopting is not the same as having your own.

Also in the UK it is nigh on impossible for you to adopt more than one child.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

for those who are looking to donate here are some sites.
and for those that think there are no complications or risks please do more research. its alot easier for men to donate for the sole fact there is no surgery needed. for women its a different issue the surgery is comprehensive and can ultimately take away all chances of having your own baby. 

Become an Egg Donor: Egg Donation Risks, Donor Egg Complications
Egg Donation May Complicate Pregnancies
Becoming An Egg Donor
Egg Donation - Egg Donor Program, Cost Information - Find a Clinic, Center 

this could be a life changing surgery which is why the payoff/payout is so high. 

for me personally i don't like it. the way i see it (and i dont mean this to offend anyone but know it probably will so apologies in advance) if someone is infertile i believe there is a reason for it (ie god chose you to help an unwanted child). not saying everyone who is infertile has to but believe there calling was for the purpose to help an unwanted child and bring them into there family. 

another reason i dont like it is because whether the child was adopted or had another women carry your husbands sperm, or a use of a donor egg in each case the child at some point in life is going to have to be told by one of the parents that they are not blood related to the mother. yes its a huge blow to not only the child but the parents to share this information but it is vital information the child must know in order to keep track of his real blood parent medical issues (yes donors undergo a medical check but somethings slip through the cracks). so besides the amount of paperwork difference between adopting and donating an egg i see no difference in the way they recieved the child. the child is still techincally adopted and not theres but the idea of a woman carrying a child is something that can never be shared and must be done by that woman and no one else in order to feel that power of bringing life into this world.

but to each there own. if they want to donate or not or use a donors egg vs adopting. its up to that individual to weigh the pros and cons. its not up to me to say to someone they can not use an egg because i dont believe they should or not. its a personal choice and should be kept a private discussion within the family and between doctors to get the full impact it will have on there everyday lives.


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## Canterklutz (Jul 20, 2012)

I am an egg donor currently in the process of donating to a family. If you have any questions regarding the process feel free to pm me. 

I have to say, I am quite disgusted with some of the disdainful attitudes demonstrated in this thread. Not everyone has been blessed with the fortune of fertility. There are families who have faced unfathomable tragedy that render them infertile and are often times too late to save their gametes. They want to experience childbirth and they want to raise and nurture a child even if it only shares one partner's chromosomes. If that opportunity is available to them who are we to pass judgment on them? 

Quite honestly, the risks in donating are very low. Out of the thousands of donors who have participated in my local clinic, only one had been hospitalized due to overstimulation. She was discharged the next day and got pregnant a year after donating. None of the donors so far had reported problems with fertility resulting from the procedure. However, that is a small statistic and not all clinics and doctors are created equally. Some are very diligent and thorough in ensuring the donor's health and wellbeing and others not so much. A good clinic will turn away potential donors who are in it for the money rather than with altruistic intentions. The payout may seem high but it is actually very low when you consider the time and involvement that is necessary for the procedure. In order to donate you need to be VERY committed and brutally honest with the doctor and clinic staff. They cannot help keep you safe if you are not willing to take care of yourself. 

So far it's been a rewarding experience but it's not something I'd recommend to just anyone.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

Janna said:


> If you can't get pregnant. Why not adopt. so many unwanted kids with no family.
> I personally think if you can't have kids naturally then... That's how it should be.


I totally agree with this statement. I don't think it is ignorant at all. People need to quit messing with nature. FYI I have been TTC off and on with no hope, but if I'm meant to have kids it will happen when the time is right.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

And yet there are those who have been rendered infertile by things like car accidents, cancer treatments etc.

I personaly know someon who was rendered infertile by a car accident that damagd both ovaries. Is that nature telling her not to have babies or is that the fault of th idiot drunk driver that hit her car.

Those that say if you cant thn you shouldnt have obviously never been in th position where thy may have to concider that they cant. It is incredibly judgemental to say what you are saying,


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## Canterklutz (Jul 20, 2012)

I'm all for adoption but unfortunately it isn't always a viable option in some cases. 

Hardly anything we do anymore as humans can be considered natural.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

faye said:


> And yet there are those who have been rendered infertile by things like car accidents, cancer treatments etc.
> 
> I personaly know someon who was rendered infertile by a car accident that damagd both ovaries. Is that nature telling her not to have babies or is that the fault of th idiot drunk driver that hit her car.
> 
> Those that say if you cant thn you shouldnt have obviously never been in th position where thy may have to concider that they cant. It is incredibly judgemental to say what you are saying,


if this was directed at me then ..
since this is a religious aspect for me..so if someone were to have been in an accident i would call it fate/destiny for the reason they no longer had the chance to conceive. is it fair no but most things in life aren't. but as i said before i will not judge someone for doing this nor will i have any negative thoughts against them. its not my place to tell anyone what to do nor take an opportunity from them if they have the chance to carry an egg to term. 

i just hope they discuss it with there doctor and family and talk about all the pros and cons since this is a personal decision and should not be taken on lightly. it affects not just one person but also will affect the child born.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

kait18 said:


> if this was directed at me then ..


kait, I doubt it was directed at you. While I disagree with your point of view, I respect it, and to me you don't come off judgmental on subject. I think faye was talking about those who only see black and white, while life is full of gray shades.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

PurpleMonkeyWrench said:


> I totally agree with this statement. I don't think it is ignorant at all. People need to quit messing with nature. FYI I have been TTC off and on with no hope, but if I'm meant to have kids it will happen when the time is right.


Yeah, let's quit messing with nature - lets stop developing vaccines and treatments for diseases and just let nature take its course. 
Cause that works well....
Rude? You betcha. You haven't the first clue. I don't thank god (or whomever helped me be here) enough for me being here. I won't share my family's personal story, but it would have been impossible without. My parents are very well educated, wonderful, stable, healthy people - the kind of people who truly should be parents and pass on their genes. Thank God/Allah/whomever great power that is that my parents had the balls to go through what they did to allow me to be here. Twenty some odd years ago it was even more controversial than it is today - very much so. I'm so very glad they did go ahead with it. 

Yes, I'm taking great offense to some of the things here - and no, I won't apologize for my reaction. I'm thoroughly disheartened by some of the comments here. Where is the line? We can cure some types of cancer, provide treatments for thousands of diseases - but oooooh no do NOT give a woman a chance to bear a child... No siree, that's witch-doctorin'!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

JustDressageIt said:


> Yeah, let's quit messing with nature - lets stop developing vaccines and treatments for diseases and just let nature take its course.
> Cause that works well....
> Rude? You betcha. You haven't the first clue. I don't thank god (or whomever helped me be here) enough for me being here. I won't share my family's personal story, but it would have been impossible without. My parents are very well educated, wonderful, stable, healthy people - the kind of people who truly should be parents and pass on their genes. Thank God/Allah/whomever great power that is that my parents had the balls to go through what they did to allow me to be here. Twenty some odd years ago it was even more controversial than it is today - very much so. I'm so very glad they did go ahead with it.
> 
> ...


These are my opinions. Enough said.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

Where's the line? Do you have a standing DNR? Have you had vaccines or treatments for anything?
There are advances in healthcare technologies all the time - why are some Ok and others not? How come treatment of infertility is so hotly debated, when treatments for diseases such as cancer, MS, etc etc etc well received? 
I take comfort knowing that if I experience trouble with infertility, there are many treatment options available to me so I may bear and/or raise my own biological children, or at least half biological. 

I should likely step back. My hackles get up when people speak with such indignation and disregard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

JustDressageIt said:


> Where's the line? Do you have a standing DNR? Have you had vaccines or treatments for anything?
> There are advances in healthcare technologies all the time - why are some Ok and others not? How come treatment of infertility is so hotly debated, when treatments for diseases such as cancer, MS, etc etc etc well received?
> I take comfort knowing that if I experience trouble with infertility, there are many treatment options available to me so I may bear and/or raise my own biological children, or at least half biological.
> 
> ...


I'm not arguing. I simply wanted to state my opinion and I have.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

kait no it wasnt aimed at you it was aimed at janna and purplemonkeywrench.

Purple, you are entitld to your oppinions however you do come accross as incredibly hypocritical and I cannot stand hypocrits.

If you truely want to stop messin with nature, stop having ANY medical treatment, any vaccines, any GM foods, any electricity, stop using any form of contraceptive, any detergants of sanitisers.

You are as bad as someone who claims to be a vegitarian and then wears fur or leather


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

faye said:


> kait no it wasnt aimed at you it was aimed at janna and purplemonkeywrench.
> 
> Purple, you are entitld to your oppinions however you do come accross as incredibly hypocritical and I cannot stand hypocrits.
> 
> ...


How am I a hypocrite? You know nothing about me!!! I suggest you stop being so quick to judge.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

PurpleMonkeyWrench said:


> You know nothing about me!!! I suggest you stop being so quick to judge.


You know nothing about people who use in vitro, sperm banks, or egg donations in order to have a child, yet you're being completely judgmental over their own personal decisions. How does it affect YOU if a couple decides to go this route? It doesn't, except to affront whatever passes for your moral sensibilities.

It always amuses me when someone likes to make sweeping, generalized judgments, then gets all shrieky and indignant when others call them on their bigoted, narrow minded pronouncements. 

I sincerely hope nobody in your family ever has fertility issues and opts for any of these treatments, since you'll turn on them like a rabid dog. 

Infertility is emotionally painful and can cause marital problems in even a great marriage. Who are YOU to say someone shouldn't be allowed to have a child?

You want to talk about fate and the will of God? God gave humankind the intelligence and ability to come up with these answers, so it's hardly the will of God that people NOT utilize what has been made available.


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## uflrh9y (Jun 29, 2012)

Jana, weren't you the one who wanted to buy a purebred Great Dane because it was the one you wanted all your life??? 

So you are judgmental about people wanted to give birth and not adopt a child but dogs and horses you are fine with? I just think it seems inconsistent a point of view. I get that you are probably very young and so you don't understand anything about having children and starting families so it's quite obvious why you would say the things you have said. I just think you should be aware of that when you post your point of view on a thread like this because it your statements can be very hurtful without you really understanding why. 

My only fear with egg donation is that it will become a service that causes people to be taken advantage of. Like what is going on in India with poor women being surrogates. India's surrogate mothers are risking their lives. They urgently need protection | Kishwar Desai | Comment is free | The Guardian

It is so sad how these deplorable baby factories take advantage of these poor women just so some rich couple can have a child. I think egg donation is great if both sides are willing participants in ever way. I think there has to be strong legislation to make sure it is safe and advantageous on both sides 100%.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Just to throw this out there but what is wrong with someone donating for the money? It's no less risky. They are still willingly accepting a risk for someone else's benefit. The egg is no better or worse because of someone's motives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

Speed Racer said:


> You know nothing about people who use in vitro, sperm banks, or egg donations in order to have a child, yet you're being completely judgmental over their own personal decisions. How does it affect YOU if a couple decides to go this route? It doesn't, except to affront whatever passes for your moral sensibilities.
> 
> It always amuses me when someone likes to make sweeping, generalized judgments, then gets all shrieky and indignant when others call them on their bigoted, narrow minded pronouncements.
> 
> ...


She called me a hypocrite, I called her nothing nor directed ANYTHING to her. She is just sensitive and I can't help that. It's really immature to bash someone like that over their opinion. My opinion was not directed towards anyone and I called no one names, I simply stated my beliefs on egg donations. End of story.


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## QOS (Dec 8, 2008)

God bless those who do donate their sperm and eggs so that infertile couples can know the blessings of a child.

Children are a blessing. To say someone hates children is astonishing as we were ALL children at one time. No one arrived here like Mork and Mindy's child - full grown. This is dating me - if you don't know who Mork and Mindy are Google it.

I personally would not donate my egg to just anyone. My sisters would be the line I would personally draw. This is moot because we all have children. 

But, had I been infertile, I would have either adopted a child or opted for an egg (hope one of my sisters would have stepped up for that!!!) donation. 

I do know people that have successfully adopted children and everything was wonderful. One of my best cake buddies had 3 children of her own and adopted two darling little girls from China. I also know a lady who adopted a child 30+ years ago and it has been a nightmare of a child that was the offspring of a addict and probably mentally unstable and the child was born an addict which she didn't know about. The state of Texas didn't reveal any of that. What a nightmare it has been for her. I would rather have the egg and know that I took care of myself during pregnancy!

The Lord gave use mighty abilities to think and to learn. God bless doctors and nurses who help people with infertility!


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

Speed Racer said:


> You know nothing about people who use in vitro, sperm banks, or egg donations in order to have a child, yet you're being completely judgmental over their own personal decisions. How does it affect YOU if a couple decides to go this route? It doesn't, except to affront whatever passes for your moral sensibilities.
> 
> It always amuses me when someone likes to make sweeping, generalized judgments, then gets all shrieky and indignant when others call them on their bigoted, narrow minded pronouncements.
> 
> ...


Turn on them like a rabid dog? Just because I don't believe in it doesn't mean I wont support someone who chooses to do it. It's their choice and my opinion was stated. Your negativity Is kind of disheartening about how you would assume I would treat people that choose that route. I'm sorry you have a need to see it that way Speedracer.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

purple, I'm not sensitive about IVF or egg donation since I have no personal need for it, however I will not judge those who do.

Your posts come accross as judgemental, hypocritical and tbh more then a little childish. You have your oppinions, that is fine but be prepared for someone to challenge them and to defend you oppinions with more than a I just feel that way. Why? is it religious? is it moral? if it is moral why? what do you see wrong with it? 
if we need to stop messing with nature in you oppinion then why just about having babies? surly we also need to stop messing with nature when it comes to diseases that kill millions in horrificly painful ways? because painkillers, antinflammatories, antibiotics and blood tansfusions are all the poduct of humans messing with nature. 

heck, we need to stop makeing glasses and contact lenses to correct vision because surly by your reasoning then nature intended for people to be unable to see that oncoming car (i certainly see very little without my glasses) or maybe stop with artificial teeth or fillings in teeth because nature intended people to die of septicimia from infections and yes even as late as the 17th century people died from having an infected tooth. 

If you make a broad generalization like "we need to stop messing with nature" then you leave yourself wide open to critisim, perticularly regarding hypocricy. Practice what you preach.

Like kittenval i would hate to be part of your family if I needed IVF. one minute you are staunchly against it and saying that it shouldnt be allowed and we should all adopt instead, then next you are saying you would support it if it was your family (hmm and if that isnt the height of hypocricy, then i'm a tap dancing elephant), changable as the wind and liable to be extremely hateful just because the thing someone is doing doesnt suit you.


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

uflrh9y said:


> Jana, weren't you the one who wanted to buy a purebred Great Dane because it was the one you wanted all your life???
> 
> So you are judgmental about people wanted to give birth and not adopt a child but dogs and horses you are fine with? I just think it seems inconsistent a point of view. I get that you are probably very young and so you don't understand anything about having children and starting families so it's quite obvious why you would say the things you have said. I just think you should be aware of that when you post your point of view on a thread like this because it your statements can be very hurtful without you really understanding why.
> 
> ...



Well, considering its not my dog that's being bred, and she's going to breed it whether I take a pup or not. 
other than it being purebred, what is the difference in me getting that than one in a shelter ? Other than, that's the breed I want. 
Now if I was the one breeding the dog.. Then.. 
Guess I'm kinda adopting a pup.


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## uflrh9y (Jun 29, 2012)

Janna said:


> Well, considering its not my dog that's being bred, and she's going to breed it whether I take a pup or not.
> other than it being purebred, what is the difference in me getting that than one in a shelter ? Other than, that's the breed I want.
> Now if I was the one breeding the dog.. Then..
> Guess I'm kinda adopting a pup.


What??? If you buy a dog from a breeder your money is going to the breeding of more dogs. If no one bought dogs from breeders, they wouldn't breed anymore dogs. If you adopt a dog from a shelter you are giving a dog who needs a home, a home and your money goes to taking care of more homeless dogs. 

I'm not saying people shouldn't buy a dog from a breeder (though I will say every one of my animals come from shelters, including our guineas). Reputable breeders are wonderful. But if you are going to make a statement judging people for not adopting a child, which is way more important and impactful a decision then a dog or a horse, yet you don't even adopt pets.....well can't you see how that is a little hypocritical?


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

Janna said:


> If you can't get pregnant. Why not adopt. so many unwanted kids with no family.
> I personally think if you can't have kids naturally then... That's how it should be.


how is that judging or rude?
That is my opinion. Sure, adopting is difficult. but to me (I never plan on having any) 
If I ended up wanting one, id feel better adopting. helping.. trying at least. Than bringing another into the world. And someone who can'tnaturally have kids not having any is 
Once again my opinion. 

Sorry if anyone gets mad because its not their opinion, or gets butt hurt. 

Nope not judging. its just not for me.


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## Canterklutz (Jul 20, 2012)

Janna said:


> how is that judging or rude?
> That is my opinion. Sure, adopting is difficult. but to me (I never plan on having any)
> If I ended up wanting one, id feel better adopting. helping.. trying at least. Than bringing another into the world. And someone who can'tnaturally have kids not having any is
> Once again my opinion.
> ...


 
Yes it is incredibly rude and judgmental. It's terribly degrading to those who were brought into this world by means of IVF.


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

I think all the "for adoption" people and all the "for IVF" people just need to stop reading into each others posts so much, there are a lot of posters here not meaning to offend people (and only a few that are).
Different people make different decisions in different situations and the beauty of living where we do is that they can make those choices!!
To say one is "better" than the other is where the issues arise, but MOST (not all) people have been fairly civil in stating their opinions on this thread (IMO).

Were I in the situation I was infertile I would look into IVF but it is likely I would do the hoop jumping and adopt. Even with kids of my own I would like to adopt if at all possible. I am of the opinion that if they aren't my children anyways, I would love to give a home and opportunities to a child that may not have otherwise been so fortunate. But I don't have any siblings to donate eggs  
Were I asked, yes I would likely donate eggs to someone (although they contain the equi-virus so I doubt anyone with half a brain would want them!!) after going through an evaluation of the risks and determining them to be reasonable of course.

Hopefully I will not ever have to think about this though!!!


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

It is kind of scary to see what some people consider as "rude".


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

Canterklutz said:


> Yes it is incredibly rude and judgmental. It's terribly degrading to those who were brought into this world by means of IVF.


not sure how. Still. 

Not like I said people that do it are bad people. 
Once again. Its not my thing. Id prefer to adopt. (actually, not even. )
And if I myself were unable to have my own kid. that's how it would be. 

I think this thread was meant for our thoughts/opinions on it right? 
that's just mine. 

Dunno how people are gonna go complaining about someone opinion on a thread like this. I'm not complaining about anyone elses opinion on it. 

”that's rude” ”degrading” 
eh so what? Someone else might think yours is ridiculous too.,


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## Canterklutz (Jul 20, 2012)

Your post is rife with unfortunate implications even if your intent was not to sound disparaging. Your words imply that those who were conceived "un-naturally" are undeserving of existence. As I said, even if it wasn't your intent to degrade anyone this is how it comes across to readers and why it is so offensive.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

Canterklutz said:


> Your post is rife with unfortunate implications even if your intent was not to sound disparaging. Your words imply that those who were conceived "un-naturally" are undeserving of existence. As I said, even if it wasn't your intent to degrade anyone this is how it comes across to readers and why it is so offensive.


Sorry you chose to take it that way.


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

Canterklutz said:


> Your post is rife with unfortunate implications even if your intent was not to sound disparaging. Your words imply that those who were conceived "un-naturally" are undeserving of existence. As I said, even if it wasn't your intent to degrade anyone this is how it comes across to readers and why it is so offensive.


Yes. didn't intend to be degrading to people who do... Whatever they do.,
I could care less about what they do, tbh. Was just saying... Pretty much what I've said a few times now. I'm not a person that's 'for' it. Cause of reasons already posted. 
But for anyone else, yup. Have at it. I'm not trying to change peoples minds it beliefs at all.


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## Janna (Apr 19, 2012)

Okay. I think I'm done explaining.  
Now back to watching


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## Canterklutz (Jul 20, 2012)

No one is asking you to change your views. However, you do need to be more considerate in how you choose to address a sensitive topic.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

Janna said:


> how is that judging or rude?
> That is my opinion.


It's entirely possible for both of these statements to be correct. I took it as judgmental and rude as well as being your opinion. 


(spacing as I am now not talking to anyone specifically)


I am struggling with my own fertility issues, I am 36 (we've been trying for 4-5 years) and I appear to have left it too long. Who knew? I thought I was being responsible waiting until the timing was right in my life. That's what we are supposed to do right, to wait until we are in a stable relationship, financial secure etc. 

I am also a foster parent. Before fostering, I always thought that I would adopt, however now I don't think I would. There are many many wonderful stories of adoptions - but I see the negative side of parenting because of my job. I have fostered 3 kids who were adopted, and they turned out absolutely nothing like their adoptive parents hoped for because of the serious mental health conditions that the birth parents had. Not one of those kids exited my house successfully, and I simply would not want that for my own child. 

Also I'd very much like for my husband to be able to have a child. It's not his fault that I am having issues. And in fact I feel like quite the failure for not being able to provide him with something that's pretty easy to most people, and far too easy for some. 

Also with adoption, the birth parents can have up to a year to get the child back. The wait for a baby is almost impossible, and I would almost certainly be over the age requirements at that point. Adoption from abroad is horribly expensive, and goes against my moral compass when there are children here if I were interested in adopting. And then there is the whole process of giving birth yourself, feeling that baby grow within you. My sister lives in a different country from me, and I certainly wouldn't ask her to go through something like that for me. 

For me, both IVF and adoption have their complications, and both are a very personal decision. 

IVF is not covered by my health insurance, and we just don't have the money for multiple treatments. So we will continue to try, I will continue to chart, do the fertility tests each month, have sex at scheduled times, go through a roller coaster of emotions if my period is a day late (do I tell him, do I test etc) - and likely turn into a bitter old lady who hopes her marriage survives it.


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## myhorsesonador (Jun 21, 2009)

If I were to donate, would I have to go off of BC? I would think so but my mom isn't sure.

I'm sure I could google that, but since it's not a serious thought I'm to lazy to do it


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## Canterklutz (Jul 20, 2012)

myhorsesonador said:


> If I were to donate, would I have to go off of BC? I would think so but my mom isn't sure.
> 
> I'm sure I could google that, but since it's not a serious thought I'm to lazy to do it


Yes for a while.


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## srh1 (Jun 3, 2012)

This is a very interesting topic. I honestly had never even thought of it before. I don't think I could ever be an egg donor, I would still consider the child mine. Even if it was someone I knew, such as a sister, what if their raise their children differently than I would? I personally would really struggle with that and for me it would be even worse if I didn't know how the child was being raised.

I also would prefer adopting rather than having a child myself in general, for many reasons, so I would have no interest in this if it turned out I couldn't have children naturally.

It's really neat that it's an option though, I wonder if it will become more common as more people hear about it.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

srh1 said:


> It's really neat that it's an option though, I wonder if it will become more common as more people hear about it.


It's been around since the early 80s and is not uncommon. I am surprised that you have not heard of it - and I would be more surprised to hear that it is not common knowledge.


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## ChipsAhoy (Jul 1, 2012)

I think it's a wonderful thing for the right parents who want to experience every aspect of having a child that adoption does not provide. I think adoption is fantastic, but also costly and can involve years of waiting.

I wouldn't donate, simply because of the extensive lists of serious physicall and mental illnesses that affect nearly everyone in my family extensively. For that reason and others, I would chose to adopt.

It seems fairly obvious to me, that when you insult the way someone was brought into the world, whether you intended to or not that person is going to be hurt by your statement..... I guess to others not so much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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