# Furious!!



## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Sometimes it is next to impossible to get along with your fellow barn mates. There is a guy who leases a mare from my trainer 3 days a week. He used to ride in Germany for a long time and is now teaching his kids to ride. They are little, I think the oldest one is 7. I have never gotten along with him before and he YELLS at the girls (usually in German) when they ride if they are doing it wrong. I also think he is very hard on the horse. I have attempted to "share" the arena with him only twice before, but he has absolutely NO arena manners at all and gets in my way and changes direction and all sorts of things so that I'm constantly having to be very wary. I've given up. When he rides, I just don't. From here on out, I'm going to call him Mark. (That is not his real name) 

I went out to play with my Arab and started to lunge her first to get some energy out. The BM came out a few minutes later so I let my little girl loose in the arena while I helped turn out everyone into the pasture. Mark showed up as I was leading one of the horses out. I was instantly unhappy as I had yet to ride. I had set up a 2' jump in the arena to lunge my mare over. She seems to have a talent for jumping, but it is still very new to her. I'm teaching her slowly. I have yet to even canter her under saddle over a jump. I've only trotted 18" cross rails. I'm not in a hurry and want to go slow and make sure she is comfortable. So Mark sees the jump in the arena and asks me if I'm going to be jumping today. I tell him yes. He said his girls wanted to jump, so he was going to set up a grid for them. Very small things, like maybe 8" cross rails. They are little girls and still learning. I thought great, this is going to suck, but tried very hard to make the best of it. 

At First Dreamer (My mare) was very wary of the jumps. She kinda dodged in and out and then around. It was kinda funny/cute at first because he was trying, just didn't really get it. I've never tried taking her over more than one jump before. I figured since they were so low, I'd try it. Well, Mark being his "I know everything" self started telling me how I'm "pulling on her mouth" (I wasn't. and I know I wasn't. And the BM was there and also would have said something if I was) and that, "You really need to use your legs and not your mouth!" and all these other "tips" for me. He also said that she was "resisting" me when she put her head up. Unlike him, I don't ask my horse to collect every second of every ride. She'd better do it when I ask, and she does. But at that moment I wasn't asking, so she had her regular headset, just where it hangs natrually. And he starts yelling at me again that I need to correct this behavior immedietly as she is being a bad horse and not listening to me at all. At that point I just ignore him. I know my mare, I know her personality and behavior. She wasn't doing ANYTHING wrong. Actually, aside from not jumping straight, she was being SUPER good and doing everything I asked, even getting the correct lead in out walk-to-canter practice. 

But then I try again and she starts refusing even the very first jump. Mark comes and tries to corral her to keep her from dodging to the side but she slips around him. He starts yelling at me again that I need to get a crop and smack the sh*t out of her when she does that. AGain, I know my horse, YOU DO NOT. She wasn't disobeying. I'll smack my horse if she disobeys. It was pretty clear by her behavior that she wasn't comfortable and that something was wrong. But then he blew the gasket off me. I told him I wanted to pull one jump away from the grid to see if I could get her to do just a single one. He basically told me no, and lets get her to do ground poles isntead. I wasn't really pleased cuz that wasn't want I wanted, but i thought ok, lets really step down and do just poles. She even refused to trot the poles. So I walked her over them once. Then as I made the turn around the arena to walk them again, he comes running up behind me, yells at me, "Trot trot trot!!!" and Smacks.My.Horse. Dreamer threw up her head and spooked to the side. Neither of use were expecting that and I nearly fell off. I turned, yelled at him, "I didn't want to trot!!!" and left the arena. He rolled his eyes at me and threw up his hands and also walked away. You DO NOT smack my horse. I was so furious. He doesn't udnerstand horses at all. 
I'm so done with him. As I'm sure some of the people reading this might have figured out, Dreamer wasn't trying to disobey me. The grid wasn't set to her stride, it was set to the stride of the horse his daughters were riding. THAT is why she wouldn't do it. She physically couldn't. I waited for them to be done with the arena and lunged her over just one jump, starting small and then raising it. She didn't refuse once. That's my girl. <3 
He ended up apologizing later, but I'm done. I'm just not going to ride with him anymore. I told my trainer the story and she completely agreed with me: Dreamer wasn't being bad, she just couldn't do it. He was a jerk. I shouldn't ride with him. And we set up a lesson on Tuesday to work on her jumping. 

Some people just shouldn't ride. Ever.


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## BornToRun (Sep 18, 2011)

I think avoiding him is a smart choice. I also think he had no right at all treat you like you are his student. If I was in your position I would have yelled more than "I didn't want to trot."


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## GallopingGuitarist (Jan 8, 2013)

I would have been pretty mad as well! I hope you don't have anymore problems with him.


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

BorntoRun-I wanted to very badly. But he had two little girls also riding in the arena. I bit my tounge to keep from saying any bad words. I'm pretty sure he has cussed at them before, but I'm not going to lower my standards to do that in front of children. I just ignored his "advice" and did what i always do on my rides. I'm actually pretty proud of my mare for even trying the first few times. It wasn't until I left the arena and we really thought about it we figured out the grid wasn't for her stride so she couldn't do it. I feel bad even having asked more than once and not having thought of it sooner. :/ *Stupid horse owner* 

He knows I plan on showing this year and invited me to join them to some shows. Yeah, I think not. I'd rather eat horse poop. >


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## BornToRun (Sep 18, 2011)

Does your barn have outdoor arena that you could in during the days he's there? Not sure what part of the world you're from, but hopefully not in the parts that got snowed on last night.


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## WelcomeMyWelsh (Feb 9, 2013)

You are very smart in ignoring him. Maybe he's just not a people person. His manners and proper horsemanship are defiantly off. He should NEVER yell at you, Your horse, Or those children. If he's yelling in a different language; Who knows what he is saying to them? It's disrespectful and inappropriate. Props for you!


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Thank you very much Welsh. That helped me feel better about it. He has yet to yell at me in German, but always does to the girls. Even did today. No idea WHAT he said. Don't really care. He completely acted like a trainer, but I'm not his student. Based on his actions my trainer and I suspect the two girls are going to grow up hating horses and riding. They love the mare they lease, but I don't think they enjoy their lessons much. I SWEAR if he touches my horse again I'm going to dismount and kick him in his privates. I felt so bad for Dreamer. I hope she knows I'm not the one who hit her. She was being so good. 

Run- we do have an outdoor arena. It doesn't snow where I live but the arena isn't fully dry from the rain so it isn't safe to ride in just yet. When it gets warmer and dries out, I'm def going to go outdoors. I've discovered my mare listens better out there anyway. Plus it is much bigger (almost 2x) than the indoor.


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

I'd have said alot more then "I don't want to trot" definitely something about him not being helpful and that he didn't know my horse and honestly, it would have taken a heck of a lot of self control not to smack him back after he smacked my horse.


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## WelcomeMyWelsh (Feb 9, 2013)

You're Welcome! You're horse must be very well behaved. She seems like she does! If he touches your horse I personally believe you have a right to hit him. You are defending Dreamer. He has no right to hit her. To me, Hitting a horse when it isn't necessary is abuse. Just keep ignoring him and avoid confrontation and any contact.


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

On top of all that he is frikken stupid. He ran up behind her and hit her to trot lie 2 feet from the jump. Every jumper knows you don't approch the jump and ask for more speed right in front of it! Gahhhh! You have her at a trot well before the jump, not 2 feet in front of it! I am not sure I can even be in the same room with him anymore. To his credit he DID apologise to me later, and even said "everyone has different ways of doing things and I may have crossed a line." May? MAY!?!?!?! Apology accepted, but I'm not going to forget that, you $^&&(&^%$#!!!!!!!!! Touch my horse again and we are going to have some serious problems. SERIOUS. Just thinking about it is making me fume.


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## WelcomeMyWelsh (Feb 9, 2013)

I hate people like that. I dont jump very much but even I know that. You have to give the horse enough room to be able to speed up and clear the jump. He just needs a reality check. And fast.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Whether your horse was disobeying or not is not the point. You did not ask for help . . . AT ALL. and you were extremely tolerant of his interferring. I suspect becuase he is older than you and it's hard for a young person to tell an adult, (especially a male) "No!" or "No thanks, I am fine on my own".

But that's what you have to do with people like him , and soon , before it gets out of hand. 

You demonstrated great maturity and courtesy to not say anything off color in front of his children. I commend you. REally.


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## Sharpie (May 24, 2009)

My horse has never kicked at a person, but in that situation I might have wished he would have.... 

Kudos to you for keeping your cool for his kids.


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## Nokotaheaven (Apr 11, 2012)

Wow! Props to you!!
I would have been like "Do NOT touch my horse OR run up behind her again!!! If you want to give ME advice that's fine, but don't tell me about my horse or touch her. I know her, you don't."
And I probably would have pointed out that it was a very bad thing to show to his kids... Not only did he run up in the kick zone, but he smacked her there... If he had done that to some of the horses I've known they would have knocked him on his back....
Running up and slapping a horse there would be a very good thing to teach the kids not to do :/
Also... Does he have any horses in your horse's field?


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

You didn't ask for help, however you are not declining it from what you said, until you lost your temper. So how was he to know. 
People who interfere are annoying, and he has no place doing that - but he's German, there's a cultural difference, Germans tend to be forthright, and expect you to be so too. If you don't want his opinion, tell him so. 


But gosh, I disagree with your opinion about his horsemanship. He sounds decent. 

The striding was wrong on the jumps, but your horse was running out on the first jump because of it - but yet your horse was not disobeying you? Erm no. 

Also, you were riding, set your horse loose in the arena while you helped the BO (that's kind of you). But I don't think you get to reserve the arena while you are doing other things, and I certainly wouldn't wait for you to do that.


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## EliRose (Aug 12, 2012)

Ugh, that is awful! I hate people who try and "help" without being asked!

Really good job keeping your head, though . . . I probably would have gone nuts on him.


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## Nokotaheaven (Apr 11, 2012)

Also just to point out.. It sounds like your horse is one that likes to please, but it sounds like she was afraid.... I don't think it was because the strides were wrong. But either way she definitely wasn't disobeying at all


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

I think it might have been a combo of her fear plus the strides. I'm really proud of her for what she did. Alex S- You aren't correct in this. My horse knew she couldn't take the jump, so she didn't try. She does like to please. If you had seen the set up of it, you'd be able to see. It is hard to paint an exact picture of it with words. He doesn't have good horsemanship. Instead of get confrontational with him (as he isn't the type to take things lightly) I just chose to ignore him. I didn't want to say anything bad in front of the girls and I didn't want to argue in front of them either. Had he been alone it would have been another matter. And I apologize if I made it seem like I was riding and just left my horse there so no one could use the arena. I was lounging her before, with no tack on, and went to help the BM. No one else was waiting. We turn horses out in the indoor loose like that sometimes. She was perfectly safe and I wasn't holding up anyone else. Sorry if I made it seem otherwise. I guess in my anger I didn't explain myself well.


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Nokota-No he doesn't own a horse at this time. He leases the mare 3 times a week. All the horses he rides are owned by someone else. He sure as hell is never using my mare.


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## Nokotaheaven (Apr 11, 2012)

Horsequeen08 said:


> I think it might have been a combo of her fear plus the strides. I'm really proud of her for what she did. Alex S- You aren't correct in this. My horse knew she couldn't take the jump, so she didn't try. She does like to please. If you had seen the set up of it, you'd be able to see. It is hard to paint an exact picture of it with words. He doesn't have good horsemanship. Instead of get confrontational with him (as he isn't the type to take things lightly) I just chose to ignore him. I didn't want to say anything bad in front of the girls and I didn't want to argue in front of them either. Had he been alone it would have been another matter. And I apologize if I made it seem like I was riding and just left my horse there so no one could use the arena. I was lounging her before, with no tack on, and went to help the BM. No one else was waiting. We turn horses out in the indoor loose like that sometimes. She was perfectly safe and I wasn't holding up anyone else. Sorry if I made it seem otherwise. I guess in my anger I didn't explain myself well.


Haha nobody blames you 
But it is obvious to my by what you said that he has no clue what he's doing. I've met many people like that. I once knew these people who had this beautiful little draft or draft cross that looked like a gypsy vanner. They didn't know anything at all. One time on the trail, I'm not sure why, but the guy decided to give me advice. He told me that when my horse takes off to just lean back and pull as hard as I can on the reins until the horse stops.... mhmm... I just said thank you and moved on.


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## Nokotaheaven (Apr 11, 2012)

Horsequeen08 said:


> Nokota-No he doesn't own a horse at this time. He leases the mare 3 times a week. All the horses he rides are owned by someone else. He sure as hell is never using my mare.


Haha, what I meant was are any of the horses he uses in a field with yours?
I'm just thinking that if he acts that way to people's horses with the owners around, he likely acts like that with horses out in the field as well. Maybe he doesn't run up to them, but smacking them? maybe?


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## JustImagine (Dec 2, 2012)

Oh dear goodness! You handled yourself so well, I'd be so much angrier than that if someone ever put their hands on Image. Thank goodness you or Dreamer didn't get hurt from that stupid man =/ People like that shouldn't be around horses.
Dreamer also could have just been sensing your frustration, too. He doesn't know her, you do; any horse person knows things like this. Every horse is different, and that's definitely not how you treat a green horse.


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## Mochachino (Aug 14, 2012)

And your BO is fine with having someone like this at their barn? Sounds to me like his demeanor made your horse uncomfortable and nervous. I know that I would not have kept my tongue, but good on you for doing it. Sounds like a real ***.


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

Haha this reminds of a few months back.....

I was in the arena alone, trying to school something OUT of my horse, so I was kind of kicking his behind but having a hard time (looooong story) anyway, just as I'm getting into the 'zone' this guy walks in the barn, sits in the bleachers with his arms crossed and watches me ride the whole time.....:shock: So this guy is a big talker, done this, done that, rode with this famous person, rode with that famous person......in general just a big boaster! (id never seen him ride at this point) So now he's intently watching me while I'm having a hard time (really I was just screaming and crying all on the inside!). The whole time he says NOTHING.....NOT A Word....and all I can think is, 'well if you're so darn good, how about you offer me some advice here!!!' but nothing.........do you realize how disconcerting that can be!!!!

So drove home after that ride, burst into tears when I got in the driveway......really this guy had got to me.......

UNTIL.....I saw him riding at the arena a couple of months later and the lady next to me said 'he looks like a dog humping a football'!!!!!!! 

So the next time he was in the arena.......I completely ignored him and his football:wink:


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Yeah it was reallyreally hard to deal with. I'm not happy at all. I'm not sure why the bm doesn't ask him to cool it, but she doesn't. She wasn't really happy about it tho, so maybe she did say something. I left the barn and went outside with my horse so if anything was said I'm not sure one way or the other. I'm just still fuming at this days later. Haha afootball, lol. People think they know everything. I'm not his student. I SHOULD have told him no thank you to any advice much earlier. But i thought ignoring him would prevent any barn confrontations. Turns out i was very wrong. Sigh. At least my horse and i are both ok. Again i must say I'm proud of her.


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## hemms (Apr 18, 2012)

This is when I love that my horse has no sense of proper personal space... Slap his ***? I'll crank him around and ride right into your lap. He'll probably slobber all over you like a Popsicle, too. This is how we defend ourselves from annoying dogs loose on the trail... What's the difference?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Casey02 (Sep 20, 2011)

Wow I would have been frustrated... I got frustrated reading your post! Your BM didn't step in at all?


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

While I get frustrated with unsolicited advice, I do think the situation could have been handled differently. The way I read it, Mark started "helping" you, and you went along with it. He stood beside the jump, and your horse refused and deeked out of it multiple times - that is not ok. If I'm riding and the horse refuses, it gets sat on its *** and not allowed off the line of the jump - I HATE seeing riders pull off the jump again and again. I do agree that your horse needed to have a bit of a "get ove it" moment. He probably thought he was helping, and since you didn't say anything to the contrary ("I don't want help") he kept going. It was likely uncalled for about the trot issue, but I wasn't there. 
If you don't like riding with this guy or his unsolicited advice, there's a couple of very simple solutions:
- don't ride when he is in the arena
- tell him you don't need/want advice, thank you very much. 

Unfortunately, the ring I ride in is used for lessons at minimum 4 days per week, and I ride 5 days a week. Riding space/time is at a premium. Last week, I rode with 7 other riders one day, and 8 other riders another day. (One of those days being a lesson) - you have to learn how to ride with people that don't call their lines or communicate direction. It sucks, but what's the alternative? Not riding? Being bullied out of the ring? No. So what I do is make sure I communicate as much as I can. I call inside/outside for passing. I ask the other riders if they're jumping a course, what the course is. I tell others my course. I yell my lines. It works, more or less.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

I read your post yesterday and gave it some thought and I still don't understand why, if you already don't see eye to eye with this guy on horsemanship, you went along with it for a bit when he started giving you unsolicited advice. Surely, the answer is, "Thanks, but no thanks." 

I also wouldn't take "no" as an answer from a horse, refusing ground poles or teeny weeny jumps. Even if the distances were shambolic, the horse should be able to manage if it's just ground poles or jumps they can step over. 

That said, the other bit of advice I might offer is: if you are indeed concerned that you will be souring your greenie to jumping by setting her up with *someone else's* distances that you don't think suit her, and thereby putting her in a situation where she might refuse, then don't ask her to go over that obstacle. You said in your OP that you thought your horse was refusing because the distances were wrong for her. Then why put her in that situation in the first place?


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

I actually laughed at the story. Wish he'd smack _my _horse: he probably would get a hoofprint in a chest. :wink:

Seriously though you should of tell him _very _firm "NO, please leave me alone" from the very beginning. Personally I wouldn't skip riding or try to re-adjust my schedule over some jerk. I'd just put him in place.


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## HollyLolly (Dec 25, 2009)

Oh my goodness OP! Your post made my blood boil! I would not have handled myself as well as you handled him. It makes me want to get a crop and whip the crap out of him, not your poor horse! Gah! I tip my hat to you for keeping way cooler than I would have!


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Have to agree totally with the few that have said you shouldn't allow a refusal......that is disobedience no matter how you paint it with excuses. Running out is NEVER ok, and what you taught her by allowing that and making excuses for it was certainly nothing constructive. 

Whan it comes to this guy, you clearly are uncomfortable with him. You knew this going into the ring, which made you upset, and therefore you set yourself up for failure. JMHO. I would not avoid riding when he is using the ring-why let him run your life? SImply make it clear to him that you are there to ride your horse, and critique is not welcome. If he cannot respect that, then the BM may have to intervene. Ignore him and ride your horse.

How do you ever plan on doing warm ups at shows?


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

Reading your posts, it sounds to me like this guy knows what he's doing. 
Jumping doesn't take months of lunging to start. You just put up a fence and ride over it. And if the horse refuses, the fence is under 2' and you bet they can jump it from a standstill. Just grab mane and kick and praise on the other side.

If you don't want his help and advice (which imo sounds correct and a good way to fix a spoilt and babied horse) then tell him that. Don't just assume that he knows you don't want it, but you're obviously having lots of trouble with the horse if he feels the need to step in. He probably feels that you ride aimlessly around, letting your horse do whatever it wants, and fears for the safety of his daughters. If the oldest one is 7, then they would be quite young to be riding and having someone on an out of control horse and then be attempting to jump and letting the horse run out is very dangerous.

As well, its very rude to just leave your horse in the arena unsupervised. That would be enough to make me pretty ticked about your attitude towards safety.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## busysmurf (Feb 16, 2012)

That is why I have not just one, BUT 2 shirts that say "when I want your opinion, I'll give it to you."

Sorry A, I have to disagree with you. Regardless if this guy taught every single Olympic rider in the last 30 years, unless you personally went up to him & asked for his help it's not his place to just "jump" in. 
If he felt your riding was a safety issue for his kids, then he either needs to ride at a different time or somewhere else IF you were in there first.
As far as letting a horse loose in an arena, you are honestly the first person I've heard say that
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## busysmurf (Feb 16, 2012)

Have to add, if he had ASKED if you wanted some help first that's fine. If I see someone having what I PERCEIVE as hard time, and i think i can help. I will ask if they'd like a few tips. If the answer is no, then I go on with what I was doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79 (Mar 3, 2008)

busysmurf said:


> As far as letting a horse loose in an arena, you are honestly the first person I've heard say that
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously? It's terribly rude/inconsiderate. In a shared arena, if I walk up with my horse all tacked up and ready to ride to find someone's horse loose in the arena with no owner in sight, I'm gonna be ticked. I have no problem waiting for a lesson, etc. but a horse just loose? Irritating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

hemms said:


> This is when I love that my horse has no sense of proper personal space... Slap his ***? I'll crank him around and ride right into your lap. He'll probably slobber all over you like a Popsicle, too. This is how we defend ourselves from annoying dogs loose on the trail... What's the difference?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha ha ha, dogs have better manners and seem to care what you think. :lol:


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

busysmurf said:


> If he felt your riding was a safety issue for his kids, then he either needs to ride at a different time or somewhere else IF you were in there first.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



But if the OP is offended by him, she should just tell him and "not be bullied by him". Sure, right. But now that the shoe is on the other hoof?

Folks, we are only getting one side of the story. And I can say for sure if someone was riding dangerously when/if I had 7 year old kids and under in the ring YOU BET I would be asking them to leave. IMO the guy is being nice trying to help OP and not telling her to simply get control of her horse or leave.
I think OP has a lot to learn from the scary German guy and is doing a lot more judging than riding.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Where did you get the the OP was "riding dangerously"? Are you just ASSuming that, Anebel? There is nothing that has been said here that would support that, and if he was so concerned about a "dangerous situation perhaps he shouldn't smack another horse with a rider. Period. 

Yeah-many of us let our horses loose in the indoor, sometimes we free school them, and we may even leave them for a few minutes. The German just got there. She was not interfering with his ring time, and it is not like she went home and left the horse there. It is not uncommon at all when weather is nasty or whatever.


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Ok, hopefully this will clear up some issues that I may not have made clear. I apologize once again if I made things see what they are not:

1) I don't like people taking up the arena when I'm trying to ride and have to track them down either. At the time, I was the only person out there until the BM showed up. I left my mare, untacked, in the arena while I helped her turn horses out. Mark was not there, ready to ride, at this time. He showed up with his girls a few minutes after I was leading out the last horse. If he was tacked up and ready, I would have just stayed with my horse. He hadn't even gotten her out of the field. He was walking though the barn to get to the field and saw the jump set up, and that is how it started. 
2) I never did get along with him, but I believe in giving people second chances. The few times I had ridden in the arena with Mark, it was only Mark. His girls had not been with him that day. I had yet to try riding with the girls, so I thought maybe it would be ok. Plus I wanted to see how my mare would react to a small grid. So I agreed to try riding with them. I thought maybe it would be different if Mark wasn't on a horse. I know how to share an arena. I just don't know if he does, becuase he doesn't communicate with me as to what he is doing. 
3) I'm not letting my mare get "spoiled". I have been riding my mare for almost 3 years and know her really well. I know her personality and her talents. When you are that close with a horse, you know them. It reminds me of the scene in Black Beauty when Beauty goes on the bridge and knows something is wrong and refuses to move forward. They end up whipping him to get him to move, but he doesn't. Is that disobedience? I'm aware that is a fictional story, but it is a good example. At the time I was trying to grid, I was not aware (And even called myself a stupid horse owner in a previous reply) that the grid wasn't set up for her gait. She tried it 2-3 times and just couldn't do it. It didn't occur to me until -after- the whole thing went down that I was the foolish one and asking her to do something that she could not physically do. If your boss asked you to pick up 400lbs and carry it up a few flights of stairs to another office, would you even try knowing you cannot lift that much? 
4) What Mark did was wrong. When he dangerously slapped my mare, I wasn't trying to jump. I was calmly walking over poles. He ran up behind us, shouting for me to trot. I had no intention of trotting nor was I trying to get my mare to trot. 

I hope that clears the air with some things. I was pretty angery that someone put their hands on my horse when I wrote the OP. I wasn't able to clearly communicate all the details. Hopefully I did now. I'm sure if I asked Mark he would say that he was "trying to help" but he did cross a line. I could have dealt with his "advice" but it was when he laid a hand on my horse and tried to get us to do something neither of us were ready for that it went way out of bounds.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

See if someone did that to Sky.. I would pull out my dragon mom voice

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY HORSE. THAT WAS WAY OUT OF LINE"

I call it my dragon voice because it's literally a low roar and I get very scary very fast. 

OP.. I think in future you need to stop it from escalating. The fact he's like "we're doing this" when YOU were riding..... NOT cool. I would have been like "No thank you. I am going to work on this with my mare. If you want to jump as well, you can make your own jump elsewhere" It may come across as rude, but hello so is basically trying to comendeer your time with your horse. 

Man I would have been fuming. Kids or not....


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## busysmurf (Feb 16, 2012)

nikelodeon79 said:


> Seriously? It's terribly rude/inconsiderate. In a shared arena, if I walk up with my horse all tacked up and ready to ride to find someone's horse loose in the arena with no owner in sight, I'm gonna be ticked. I have no problem waiting for a lesson, etc. but a horse just loose? Irritating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry I read it as leaving a horse alone in an arena was unsafe, it's a Monday my reading comprehension is at 80%. If there's NO ONE around & there's a horse in the arena, yeah that's rude. BUT if it's obviously just a temp thing while the owner is onsite, I wouldn't get worked up about it. Sure she could've thrown him in his stall. But it doesn't sound like something that happens all the time.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

OP-sorry-your BB story and running out on a jump are totally different. Besides that, you and your mare need to learn to adjust her stride-that is somewhat the purpose of gymnastics (grids). Have to disagree with you. I think she has your number. JMHO


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

^^^^^^ Maybe but that is not the point. I could have done everything wrong in the world but "do not touch my horse". That is the point.


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## JustImagine (Dec 2, 2012)

I don't at all find Dreamer spoiled and babied; I find the OP not wanting to sour her mare to fences. If Dreamer has never refused a fence before, and being as green as she is, then she just didn't feel comfortable yet. It just wasn't her time. In my honest opinion, if you're doing a gymnastic or grid with a green horse the horse can't know yet to adjust it's stride; it's still green for goodness sakes.
And I don't know about you, but I would NOT be willing to take advice from someone who I had never even seen on a horse. Especially someone who I don't agree or get along with. I think the OP was being polite and non-confrontational. Some people are just like that and ignore things instead of starting a fight.
I also love how certain people have the nerve to call the OP judgemental when THEY are judging the OP, someone they've never even seen ride before.
And it is SO rude and dangerous to smack someone else's horses while they're on it; especially without them expecting it. I find that right there a huge judgement of this man's character.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

If you ever find yourself in the arena with him again, and he starts to tell you what to do, Stop, ride over to him and state very clearly.. You do not instruct me. I do not want your instructions. You mind your own business. IF he continues tell him to Shut the [email protected]#@ up . that usually stops people dead in thier tracks. 
a bit rude , but it works


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## ohmyitschelle (Aug 23, 2008)

OP, I'm on the fence here, agree with some things said from both "views" of this scenario we have.

Here's my thoughts...

- "Mark" should not have hit your horse. It could have escalated and put his children, leased horse, yourself and Dreamer at risk. He had no idea what reaction your horse would take, further, she is not his property. Some owners don't like to hit their horses, some do... but it's not up to us to assume we can do to one horse we do to another. Frankly he should have not stepped over that boundary.

- However IMHO you welcomed his interjection into your ride. You say you tried to "ignore" him, but still attempted his suggestions. He's not a mind reader and probably took your reactions as acceptance of his "help". I don't personally agree over the trotting thing at all, but if he had been shut down earlier in the ride with a polite "thanks, but I'm fine" statement or completely ignored, the slap would have been avoided. Well I'd hope so - we don't know what he was thinking here.

- I'm sorry but I'm going to disagree completely over the jump thing. Even though Dreamer is green and you don't want to push her/sour her, you are teaching her "it's okay not to jump it" by your own reaction, even if it was not to her stride. My mare is probably still considered green over jumps as we've only jumped about seven times under saddle now, and was lunged perhaps three times over small jumps without a rider before jumped under saddle. The one and only time she refused it under saddle, she was made to jump it. I don't know what kind of notion people get when someone says "I made my horse jump it" being a horrible experience, but for me, constant encouragement to go over the jump (even from a standstill cos if she's that green, the jumps should be small enough to do that from) and keeping things calm will help a horse to get passed that. I find a lot of mistakes are made when the horse refuses. The rider, who knows the horse is green, may feel a little concerned about it, and think "oh let's not push her/him, they'll get upset and I don't want to traumatise them"... just thinking like that on the back of a horse is enough to send vibes - we are always talking with our bodies to our horses when riding, and hesitation is a huge opportunity to give the horse a reason to hesitate itself. It's hard to give the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes being a bit more persistent (without growling, or getting harsh), needs to happen. Consistency is the key I've found with jumping. I also believe being tactful rather than seeing jumping as an unknown to green horses and thus not following through, is much better and I can see Mark was simply trying to help you (in your case unwantedly) in achieving this. Bad habits are hard to fix once established and run outs at jumps can turn dangerous. Don't forget, out in the fields horses will jump natural obstacles like small ditches, puddles or bigger sections of grass etc - perhaps that's just Honey though, she doesn't seem to think she can quite easily walk through them :lol:

- Big kudos for you not yelling at him for hitting your horse, it's happened to me too in the past and I've bitten my tongue...far better than causing a huge scene and then having to still keep seeing that same person. I do think though if you want to ride together with him or anyone in future - as you have full rights to use the arena no matter who is in there, unless stated otherwise in your contract - I would be more cautious to take the effort to communicate so neither parties become an issue to one another. *JustDressageIt's *example of sharing I think was excellent and something I endeavour to do with my best friend when we ride together - she's new to riding and it's better to over communicate than assume she knows I'm going to turn right when I do without my telling so! 

This post wasn't to attack your training of Dreamer, so I do hope you see it as an opinion, and take it with a grain of salt if you don't see it as suitable


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## NeuroticMare (Jan 8, 2012)

This post makes me miss my old German trainers (RIP Max von Bleucher and Hans Sen).


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

nvr2many said:


> ^^^^^^ Maybe but that is not the point. I could have done everything wrong in the world but "do not touch my horse". That is the point.


That is PART of the point. There is more than one here. Perhaps it was missed. I agree he should not have hit her horse.....but frankly, the OP should not have let it get to that point.


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## Tangiest Illicitness (Aug 30, 2011)

As far as the grids and striding issue, it seems that anyone who has taken even just amount of fair jumping lessons knows that changing things up is beneficial. The point of grids/gymnastics is to develop a rhythm, but also they are used to teach a horse how to adjust the length of their stride in the middle of things. Last summer we started teaching my friend's mare to jump; she had a month of professional training and then came home where I was the one working with her. We set up gymnastics with striding that was comfortable for her, and then varied it up by shortening and lengthening the distances. This is how you teach a horse to always be focused on whats ahead of them and to be aware of their body. It also teaches them that even if they "don't like" the striding option you've given them, tough cookies, they're going to have to do it anyways. If you go to a show are you going to ask them to adjust the course to your mare's liking? 

Striding is not something that only seasoned/experienced horses need to know; it should be worked on pretty much from the get-go. I'm sorry if it sounds harsh, but the fact that you let your mare duck out repeatedly and never actually made her complete it at a trot shows that she's got your number and will likely continue to test you because she's gotten away with it. Are you working with a jump instructor, or just teaching her on your own? Even if you don't have a trainer full-time or aren't taking weekly lessons, it would be a good idea to have a trainer come in, even if it's for only 4-5 lessons, just to get your "foundation" in place and to help you teach your mare how to figure out how to deal with unfavorable distances between obstacles.

I won't say anything about the guy or his "help" because we don't have his side of the story and you did initially accept it which opened the door for him, but I can say I've had trainers give me a helping hand via their palm or a whip when my horse was being tool and ignoring me. Not saying if this guy was right or wrong in this situation (though he very well could have been), just saying he's not the first person in the world to do it.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I don't understand. If he's not your trainer why are you listening to him or paying him any mind at all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

It sounds like he is a bossy know it all. He may know a lot and be a great trainer; the issue is that the OP didn't want his help and doesn't want to be bossed around by somebody that she doesn't like. People getting too involved with your life, especially an older male annoying a female, gets to seem kind of creepy and stalkerish.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

But all she needed to do was open her mouth and say "thanks but no thanks!" And, if that didn;t work, get a bit more "firm".


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

franknbeans said:


> But all she needed to do was open her mouth and say "thanks but no thanks!" And, if that didn;t work, get a bit more "firm".


Yes, I agree. You have to learn how to say no.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

franknbeans said:


> That is PART of the point. There is more than one here. Perhaps it was missed. I agree he should not have hit her horse.....but frankly, the OP should not have let it get to that point.


Agreed!! I guess I got stuck on the smacking the horse on the butt I just kinda.......... got stuck. Apologies if I was out of line.


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

It's easy to look at a post and know just what we would do in a situation. And it's amazing what great hindsight we have when troubling situations happen to us. I know my thoughts on what I "should have done" are always brilliant after the fact.
The OP had an unfortunate encounter and she delt with it the best she could at the time. She learned something and I bet it won't happen again. Hopefully Mr-Know-It-All learned something too.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

I am not convinced that this guy learned anything. Yes, he apologized, but I am not sure it was for hitting the horse, for yelling at the OP or for what? Until the OP and/or the BO make it clear that he is to mind his own unless asked, this guy will probably continue. He needs to be told very clearly. 

I have ridden in rings with instructors who are yelling at their own clients, and while I would not tolerate (let alone PAY) for that, it is very distracting. I totally understand trying to avoid it, but sometimes you just can't. However, yelling at the OP-I would have had to open my mouth, and I can be less than tactful sometimes, and it might be a bit offensive. Perhaps then HE would be avoiding the OP!


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Thank you dust bunny. I agree. There are things i should have done. At the time i just wanted to have a good ride. Of course i learned alot. Like make sure the jumps are right for my horse. And make sure i never ride with bossy Mark. You have a great point that we can all analyze the situation given all the details and the outcome. But i had to live it moment by moment. You can believe I'm not taking advice from him for the start and will just tell him to shut up. Rudely if it comes to that. His behavior put me and my mare in danger and will not be tolerated. Her safety comes first. I'm having a lesson with my trainer and her today to work on jumping. If she refuses a simple small cross rail I'm not going to let her get away with it. But the situation was differentn: my annoyance she could sense, the jumps weren't right for her, she didn't know how and couldn't, and Mark want helping. It was a horrible combo. Today will go better. I have faith I'm her to do it.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

If he starts bossing you around again, you are quite justified in telling him to take a hike. Rude behavior on his part begs for a rude response.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

OP-please ask your trainer about the "jumps not being right" for her. To me that is ludicrous. Do they change the jumps in show classes between horses because one is short-strided? Certainly back in the day when I took group lessons for jumping, and I was on my Clyde X and other folks were on all different sized horses we all jumped the same course. Sometimes you are short, and sometimes long, sometimes just right, until you learn. It is part of the process.

I think it is more likely she picked up on you attitude. You were ****ed off and she decided to act that way too!


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Ok... please do not assume you know my horse. When she pulls little stunts like stopping in the arena and not wanting to trot for no reason, or trying to go off the rail, or anything else my Arab thinks up, I'm not afraid to use the crop and correct her. But stop assuming you know my horse. This wasn't a jumping course. This wasn't a show. This.Was.A.Grid. For a green horse that is still trying to figure out how to take off and from where, you want me to expect her to get it right and know her strides when she is still learning? No. The grid was set up for a horse that had a smaller gait than hers. It is the VERY same idea as trot poles. Are you saying you do not set up trot poles for your horse at her gait? If she was an experienced jumper, then I would expect her to know to change her stride and some short and some long. But she isn't. She has been jumped over a 18" verticle and/or cross rail maybe four times. She is very much still learning. I will flat out say you are a fool if you "stick a jump" in front of a horse and just point and ride over it for a horse that has pretty much no jumping experience. It takes time and it is very possible to sour them. If I'm such a bad rider and she "has my number" then why does she do everything else that I ask? Why does everyone that meets/ride her love her and tell me how amazing she is? Why do I always! place in a show? 
So please-do not assume you know my horse or know my riding. I've been on experienced jumpers who refuse. We go over it the second time around. She was afraid and didn't know the strides! Why am I going to smack her for something she can't do?? 
I wrote the OP as a rant. I did not say "please tell me what a bad rider I am" or "how my horse is spoiled" or "Mark knows what he is doing and I'm the idiot." Yes, it was partially my fault and I admitted to that. I could have tolerated his "advice" and ignored it. He crossed a line when he tried to get me to do something I had no intention of doing and something he did not even ask me to do. He did not say "Ok trot those next time around". He just yelled it as we went over the second pole and "helped" but smacking her. It was foolish, dangerous behavior and I will NOT have other people lay their hands on my horse. That is my decision. As Dreamer gets more experience and is more comfortable you can bet your britches I'm going to make sure she can adjust her stride. But being still hesitate as it is, no. I'm going to make sure she is safe and comfortable. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lesson with my mare on jumping...


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Horsequeen08 said:


> Ok... please do not assume you know my horse. When she pulls little stunts like stopping in the arena and not wanting to trot for no reason, or trying to go off the rail, or anything else my Arab thinks up, I'm not afraid to use the crop and correct her. But stop assuming you know my horse. Never said I knew your horse, but I also did not just fall off the turnip truck.This wasn't a jumping course. This wasn't a show. This.Was.A.Grid. Yup and the purpose of a grid is to LEARN PACING AND ADJUSTING STRIDES!For a green horse that is still trying to figure out how to take off and from where, you want me to expect her to get it right and know her strides when she is still learning? No.Noone said she needed to "get it right", but allowing a run out teaches the wrong thing. PERIOD. The grid was set up for a horse that had a smaller gait than hers. It is the VERY same idea as trot poles. Are you saying you do not set up trot poles for your horse at her gait?Not always, actually-I learn (and teach my horse) to extend and shorten-that is a HUGE part ofit. If she was an experienced jumper, then I would expect her to know to change her stride and some short and some long. But she isn't. She has been jumped over a 18" verticle and/or cross rail maybe four times. She is very much still learning. Perhaps she should not have been even doing a grid and you know that, which is why you are so defensive? Just a thought.I will flat out say you are a fool if you "stick a jump" in front of a horse and just point and ride over it for a horse that has pretty much no jumping experience. Not at all what I said, so please do not put words into my mouth.It takes time and it is very possible to sour them. Yup-it sure is.If I'm such a bad rider and she "has my number" then why does she do everything else that I ask? Why does everyone that meets/ride her love her and tell me how amazing she is? Why do I always! place in a show? I never said you are a "bad rider-again-stop putting words in my mouth. I do think she has your number. You allowed her to run out AND MADE EXCUSES! Sorry but I stick by that opinion. If you really thought that the spacing etc was the issue, and why she ran out-you needed to change it so that you ended the ride with her going over the obstacle. Make it so she does it and end on a good note. At this point, you ended without her doing anything positive! Never a good way to end a ride, especially on a green horse!
> So please-do not assume you know my horse or know my riding. I've been on experienced jumpers who refuse. We go over it the second time around. She was afraid and didn't know the strides! Why am I going to smack her for something she can't do?? I also never said to smack her! Perhaps you need to reread my posts, as it seems you are making up things I did not say.
> I wrote the OP as a rant. I did not say "please tell me what a bad rider I am" or "how my horse is spoiled" or "Mark knows what he is doing and I'm the idiot." Yes, it was partially my fault and I admitted to that. I could have tolerated his "advice" and ignored it. He crossed a line when he tried to get me to do something I had no intention of doing and something he did not even ask me to do. He did not say "Ok trot those next time around". He just yelled it as we went over the second pole and "helped" but smacking her. It was foolish, dangerous behavior and I will NOT have other people lay their hands on my horse.As I have said, I agree totally that he crossed the line and should not have touched your horse! That is my decision. As Dreamer gets more experience and is more comfortable you can bet your britches I'm going to make sure she can adjust her stride. But being still hesitate as it is, no. I'm going to make sure she is safe and comfortable.
> 
> Now if you'll excuse me, I have a lesson with my mare on jumping...


Have a ball-good luck!


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

> I will flat out say you are a fool if you "stick a jump" in front of a horse and just point and ride over it for a horse that has pretty much no jumping experience. It takes time and it is very possible to sour them.


I must be a fool then!

I start all my horses jumping logs etc. out on the trail. I point them at it, legs on, ready to give a big release in case they cat leap, and you bet your bippy they are going over it, even if it means they stand in front of it for ten minutes before stepping over. My horses are NEVER allowed to turn away from a jump once we have committed to jumping it. If it is a green horse, the jumps should be small enough to WALK over. If you are walking, striding doesn't matter one bit. They step one foot at a time. If any green horse tried to refuse a grid, we would walk it. a MUCH lesser evil than allowing the horse to make decisions and choose to turn away from a jump.

I must be a BIG fool, as the last horse I started jumping has taken his young rider to placings at state ODE and is on the state training squad.


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

You are much more likely to sour a horse by constant lunging over jumps and constant repetitions of excercises in an arena. I have never lunged a horse over jumps, yet have jumped successfully for years.


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## gypsygirl (Oct 15, 2009)

i love when people say their horse is perfect, they do everything EXCEPT...then they arent perfect and you need to change what you are doing.


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## BornToRun (Sep 18, 2011)

I have yet to meet a "perfect" horse. I have yet to meet a perfect anything.


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## Horsequeen08 (Jun 24, 2007)

Franknbeans- Just FYI, that last rant wasn't meant directly for you and soully you. Some of the refrences in the post were not from you, so I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth. My apologies if it seemed like I was. You were just the last post I read and so while some of it applied to what you said, not all of it. Just FYI. That being said, I just got home from a wonderful lesson. My trainer agreed that the grid was a bad expereince and we worked on changing it up. I do not let my mare get bored and contantly change things. We did both poles and cross rails as well as small verticles. And she didn't refuse once.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Good. I still think your attitude, anxiety, anger at the idiot had something to do with her behavior.


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## Gremmy (Feb 17, 2009)

It sounds like it may be a good idea to just avoid riding in the arena while "Mark" is using it in the future. Specifics aside, if you're intimidated by his personality and can't stop the unsolicited advice from escalating into you participating in a lesson (which is how the OP reads to me) and feeling pressured to push your horse into things you believe she isn't ready for, then avoidance may be your best bet until you feel comfortable saying "no".

I can't say I agree with some of the comments directed at "Mark", there's two sides to every story. Given that the "smacking" incident was preceded by this:


Horsequeen08 said:


> I told him I wanted to pull one jump away from the grid to see if I could get her to do just a single one. He basically told me no, and lets get her to do ground poles isntead. I wasn't really pleased cuz that wasn't want I wanted, but i thought ok, lets really step down and do just poles.


it does suggest that he was getting mixed messages. He might be a tough, blunt instructor, but from what the OP described I find calling him a jerk who shouldn't ride, ever, is quite harsh.


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## NBEventer (Sep 15, 2012)

Mark is German. Germans come across as loud and nasty, but they're usually not. Its just the way they are.

As for the grid. I set my grids for my students and each and every one of them does the same distance. Be it on a big warmblood or little pony. Grid work is to work on stride control. If your horse doesn't know how to extend and shorten her stride, she shouldn't even be looking at a jump.

And yes I will make green horses pop over any ol jump in the arena as long as its not set to high. 

As far as I can tell, you are being over dramatic and making a big deal out of a small thing. I suspect that you are over reacting. I also suspect that Mark was standing by the fence to stop your horse from running out and your horse plowed through him and the "smack" was actually pushing the horse away so it didn't run him over completely. I would have done the same thing if I were him.

If you didn't want his advice you should have simply said "leave me alone". But I also suspect that Mark was trying to help stop you from creating a monster with jumping. I don't care what the reason was for your horse stopping. You don't stand there and go "im so sorry baby oh its okay don't worry". Your horse is going to learn to stop and its going to turn into a dirty stopper and you are going to start flying lessons with Air Amateur. 

You are approaching the jump training wrong wrong wrong. Grid work is grid work. Yes your horse should have the ability to adjust its stride. If it doesn't then go back to doing ground poles and teach it. Then start jumping.

Until then, as far as I am concerned Mark did no wrong.

One other thing. This is not Black Beauty. This is real life. Teaching a horse to jump isn't rainbows and butterfly's. Its confidence, building strong foundations and not letting your horse get away with stopping no matter the reason.


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## EliRose (Aug 12, 2012)

While I agree that the guy shouldn't have just jumped in like he did (although I kind of missed the fact that he is German; my best friend is from Germany and can be very rude by accident), making excuses for your horse is neither in your best interest or her's.

I *hate *riding dirty stoppers, and that is why when I am teaching a green horse to jump, I don't *care* if the grid is not set up for their stride. When I was schooling a butt to the sky, 15 hand greenie to pop over grids, I had him take it whether or not it "fit his stride". Even though they were just cross rails and small verticals, it *helped* him, and certainly did not sour him. I'm going to do the same thing for my new horse.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

wild_spot said:


> I must be a fool then!
> 
> I start all my horses jumping logs etc. out on the trail. I point them at it, legs on, ready to give a big release in case they cat leap, and you bet your bippy they are going over it, even if it means they stand in front of it for ten minutes before stepping over. My horses are NEVER allowed to turn away from a jump once we have committed to jumping it. If it is a green horse, the jumps should be small enough to WALK over. If you are walking, striding doesn't matter one bit. They step one foot at a time. If any green horse tried to refuse a grid, we would walk it. a MUCH lesser evil than allowing the horse to make decisions and choose to turn away from a jump.
> 
> I must be a BIG fool, as the last horse I started jumping has taken his young rider to placings at state ODE and is on the state training squad.


I got caught up in the jumping in the arena I didn't even think about on trails, cause that is what I do. So with this being brought out, oh you betcha if I ask my horse to go over a stream or whatever we are doing it! I don't care if it takes all day!


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## JustImagine (Dec 2, 2012)

Some of these comments make my head hurt. I've been trained by multiple trainers at huge hunter/jumper barns that you are supposed to do trot poles and canter poles before you start jumping. When you start trotting crosspoles, put trot poles in front of the jump to help the horse find it's spacing; same with cantering the jump. I find it absurd that anyone would expect a green horse to find the strides in a grid when the horse hasn't even learned it's own stride yet, much less how to adjust it's stride. The trainers I've had working with when my Arab was green over fences, always adjusted the courses to his stride until they felt him able to adjust his stride on his own.
Everyone has their own training practices, and the OP has her own trainer. She learned a lot from what happened, and when she feels comfortable enough with herself and her horse I'm sure her and her trainer will stop adjusting grids to fit her Arab's stride. I feel like some of the things said were straight up judgmental and rude when nobody knows the OP or has seen her ride. Nobody is a perfect rider, and a real horse person knows darn well that NOBODY knows everything about horses and riding. Every ride is a learning experience.
Whenever my Arab would consider refusing something, I would make him even walk over the jump. Sometimes if I'm just that frustrated with a ride, it's not a bad idea to kick it down a few notches, and do something easy to end it on a good note rather than pushing myself when I'm frustrated and frustrating my horse to the point where it's near impossible to end on a good note; just start fresh the next ride. I think the OP did the right thing by trying to do something easier rather than irritate herself and her mare further when neither felt comfortable enough with what they were doing.
And OP, congrats on your good lesson today =]


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## Cherie (Dec 16, 2010)

I did not read all of these posts, and I have never been a boarder, so this would be something I have zero experience with.

That being said, can you ask the BO to say something to him? Or, would your barn owner be OK with you saying something like "Excuse me sir, but you are not my instructor and I would really appreciate it if you did not interfere in my working and riding sessions." 

Is that kind of response from you or your instructor even possible in your situation? I always try to take a direct route and admittedly, would not make a very good politician. I just can't think that it should be your only choice to not use facilities you pay for.

I also found out many years ago that, even though I trained horses and people for a living, it was not wise to offer help when I was not asked for it. Obviously, this person needs to learn that lesson.


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