# I wish I could stop being afraid!



## Hunter65 (Aug 19, 2009)

I know the feeling, when I adopted Hunter I had only been back into riding for a year (I'm 45) (he is 3 almost 4). He did a few things on the ground that scared me and when we backed him that fear transferred to the saddle. I had Hunter buck for the first time last summer out on the trails (had eaten too much tall sweet grass). I think I was too shocked to be scared, but when we were in the arena after I asked for a canter he bucked again. So then I was afraid, I would have my trainer come out and ride him and even thought about selling him (so glad I didn't). It's not fun when you are afraid. Part of our problem was his lack of respect for me and I'm not really sure how I overcame my fear but I just stuck with it and said OK we are going to work on this and as my fear went away and I earned his respect he has calmed down and is less antsy. Though lately he has taken to doing a small buck when we first set out to canter on the trails, going backwards a few times 20 feet or so seems to have cured that. All I can say is just keep trying, I know it is frustrating and it took me about 6 months to transform from afraid to now I will tap him with the crop if he is not behaving and he smartens up pretty quick. There were times when I almost gave up because it wasn't even fun but keep at it, it is well worth it.


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

I don't think that is an uncommon fear at all, especially as we get older.
For myself personally, having kids had a lot to do with any fears that pop up for me. I certainly used to be fearless, and had no qualms about riding any horse, as fast as possible, lol.
After I had my kids, I started wearing a helmet, and became very aware of potential dangers, so became a more cautious rider. Had to protect myself for my kids.
I have no worries riding my old guy, I've had him 15 years, we know eachother very well. I know his triggers, and know what to do with him if he Does get wiggy.
My 5 yr old gelding is another matter. He is generally good, but can explode over certain things. Afraid of the water hose, puddles, flinches if you sneeze, lol. I have only had him a few months, and do not completely trust him under saddle. He is good in the arena, but I mostly trail ride. And there are actually few 'trails' around here, mostly just open fields. So I seem to be afraid that he will bolt, even though he never has before. 
Anyway, I certainly sympathize with your situation. I think we should do square breathing!


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## rosie1 (Feb 28, 2011)

I just went through something similar myself. I have no idea how it happened or when it started but I lost all my confidence. My mare being an anglo arab is very sensitive and in tune to emotions. SO needless to say when I would mount she could feel my anxiety and insecurity and responded in kind, I wasn't even able to get her to walk more than a few steps without her starting to prance and break into trot, it was incredibly frustrating and resulted in me, embarrassingly, bursting into tears on a few occasions. I had my sister get on her and she was an angel walking calmly around the ring totally relaxed. So what I did was took 3 weeks off from her, I got my sister to ride her for me instead and I took to riding a tiny little paint stallion that was all try. He was adorable, fun to ride, and even when he didn't know what I was asking he would try his heart out. It really brought my confidence back up and reminded me why riding was fun. I've had 2 rides on my girl again and they've both been great, although I don't know the reasons behind what happened I know I'm relaxed and confident again because my mare is. Your situation may be different but if things get overwhelming and you get scared there's no shame in taking a break and riding a confidence booster
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rottenweiler (Apr 16, 2009)

I'm sure many riders go through the same thing...it just makes me feel like such a WIMP! I would ask her to canter and she'd pin her ears and turn her body sideways and I just KNEW if I got after her she would buck. So I told my trainer that I was afraid she was going to buck and she said I just have to not be afraid, unless I feel really unbalanced and like I'm going to fall, I just need to push her through it. I just couldn't MAKE myself do it! I was SURE it just wasn't ME and that there must be something wrong with her, that's why I asked the trainer to get on her. After she rode her, without incident, and I got back on...she told me to do something different so the horse didn't get irritated with doing the same thing over and over again. Which is also frustrating for me because I WANT to do it over and over until I get it right, but I understand why I shouldn't. So I just did a couple small cross-rails. Even then she got her '****y' attitude when i asked her to trot to the crossrail but I tried just to take a deep breath and keep going and she went over it. She didn't canter after it, which she was supposed to do. So I did it again, got a little less attitude before the jump and then she cantered after the jump but only with lots of leg. One more time, barely any attitude and my trainer said "See, now she's not so angry with you" and we went over the crossrail just fine and cantered away. But she's talking about having me switch to a different horse in future lessons. Part of me thinks I should ride her again, after the chiropractor looks at her, just so I can have a 'successful' trot, canter etc...on her again before I switch. My trainer knows that my ultimate goal is to be a more confident rider, because I TOLD her that was my goal...so I gotta trust her professional opinion. I was trying to ride a friends TB for a couple lessons but he was a real handful and she said that she didn't think he was good for my confidence and most likely BAD for my confidence so I shouldn't ride him.


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## Hunter65 (Aug 19, 2009)

wow sounds like you made some improvement on the second ride, congrats. I would keep riding her, I still have days when I don't know if I want to ride Hunter (Only in the arena though) we both love the trails and hate the arena. But, I know I have to do it and the more you do it and her attitude goes away the better it will be for both of you. Good luck!


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## CJ82Sky (Dec 19, 2008)

you know i think it definitely comes with age. i also find the more i'm out there riding and jumping (for me) the less afraid i am (that's my fear point - or used to be - jumping over 3'). it's taken several years but i'm in my 30s and the past two years i've been able to ride 4-5d a week and that's made a huge difference. after not jumping much yet this spring i was able to warm my one horse up over a 3'6" fence to prep for our hunter pace last weekend (we have VERY aggressive paces around here all with a full foxhunt team). it was the first time i can remember that i wasn't like OMG OMG.

sometimes it's just a matter of going out there and doing whatever makes you nervous as much as you can even in little increments at a time until your brain reminds your body - hey! you can do this! 

good luck!


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## dee (Jul 30, 2009)

I understand your fear as well. I have a horse that everyone (except me) was terrified of when we first got her. She showed her butt the first time we saw her and that impression stayed with us for a long time. I don't scare easily working on the ground, and she has gone from a pushy bit** to a well mannered girl (for the most part) in the two years we've had her. 

I'm a very large (around) person, and very short. I had absolutely refused to ride my Dancer for fear of hurting her. Daughter's trainer finally told me to bring Dancer over for an evaluation to see if she was rideable. She was a dream - trainer had one of those jaw dropping moments when she rode her - we all did! Then the evil trainer made me get up on her - would not take no for an answer...and I loved it. I'm supposed to be riding her for a few minutes every day until we both build up the muscles we need - but I haven't been able to get back on her. I need MORE than a mounting block - I used a picnic table at the trainer's. Son in law is supposed to be working on something for me - once it's finished, I hope I can get the nerve up to follow trainer's advice!


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## rottenweiler (Apr 16, 2009)

I would like to ride more but there are no horses available for lease right now. There is one that is leased out on 6 month terms and he was JUST leased so it will be at least 5 months until he's available again. The mare I was speaking of is a lesson horse. She used to be available for lease but the trainer sold one of her other lesson horses so she needed one that back for lessons.


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## dee (Jul 30, 2009)

Riding more would certainly help - familiarity breeds contempt as they say. At least you have the excuse of not owning a horse you can ride whenever you want. What's my excuse? I own mine...


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## Clair (Jun 7, 2010)

That you are open with yourself and admit it is the best way you can cope with it. Everyones been afraid at some point and it's nothing to be ashamed of!

I mean just think about what we what do.. We get on the backs of 1000 lb or more solid muscled creatures with intelligence who can sense emotion and ride them around, often at pretty good speeds! It's kind of a scary concept when you consider it  but I can tell that's worth it to you and you'll get through it!
Hope that helps.... I understand where you're coming from!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SocietyJoe (Jan 21, 2011)

The first time Joe bolted with me, last year was the first time I had ever been scared of him, and then he reared and that pushed me alittle far. I couldn't ride him without my mum being there, and that had to stop because I knew I needed to do things on my own. 
So I worked through it, I built up my confidence by riding in my paddock bareback, and learnt to jump bareback on him, with any hands just to get my trust back in him. 
Then we had ponyclub and we were focusing on time trials.
I have to admit i was nervy of going fast on him but I had to get through it. We went through the cross country paces; E,D,C, and then B, which was a gallop. 

I was scared stiff, but my insturctor said to trust him, i started cantering, then suddnely I felt my hand go up his neck and i got off his back, and we were flying, suddnely I even wondered why I scared. 


What i'm trying to get across is; work through it, the best thing you can do for your self is prove to yourself that you can do it, and everything will come naturally after that.  


[Joe doesn't bolt anymore, cause when he trys, I make him work, and he knows that he can't get away with it anymore] HAH.


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## Hunter65 (Aug 19, 2009)

Clair said:


> That you are open with yourself and admit it is the best way you can cope with it. Everyones been afraid at some point and it's nothing to be ashamed of!
> 
> I mean just think about what we what do.. We get on the backs of 1000 lb or more solid muscled creatures with intelligence who can sense emotion and ride them around, often at pretty good speeds! It's kind of a scary concept when you consider it  but I can tell that's worth it to you and you'll get through it!
> Hope that helps.... I understand where you're coming from!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I soo know what you mean, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I ride with a few people that are afraid of there horse and won't admit it. I try to tell them that their horse picks up on there nervousness but they say, Oh Im not nervous I just dont totally trust them, um isnt that nerves? I will admit I was afraid of Hunter and you have to admit to that before you can move forward so the op already has an advantage cus she admits the problem. Like everyone else says just make yourself do it (unless of course the horse is a psycho) the rewards are awesome


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## Clair (Jun 7, 2010)

I was an intermediate rider who bought a green abused 4 year old. He was not "psycho" by any means, and he really is a great hearted animal.
But I realized I'm a perfectionist, and I've come off him cantering SO many times.
I began to be afraid... Afraid to canter, then afraid to trot, afraid to hit the trails alone... I was also afraid id ruin his training if i rode him! I hated it! Its crippling and its embarrassing.
Finally i started a plan with myself where i rode a little 2 minute trail ride, then a five minute, then a ten minute. I'm up to half an hour and my fear is GONE. Same with trotting. My instructor lounges me to canter and we just do a little bit each time. My confidence is slowly building back. Plus i canter on my friends Arabian to build my mojo!

I guess treat yourself like yourself like you would your horse. If he spooks at lightning or a red sprinkler we understand and slowly work through it. We need to give ourselves the same patience! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rottenweiler (Apr 16, 2009)

Well I had a good lesson this week. As suspected, my trainer put me on a different horse. I had ridden this horse once before and was happy to ride him again...the worst I remembered about him was that he was lazy and took a lot of leg. So I rode him out to the riding area by myself and walked around a bit then asked for a trot. He immediately picked up a very choppy quick trot which was fine with me. Then my trainer came out and I slowed to a walk so I could talk to her briefly. When I asked him to trot again don't you know he did the same thing the mare did to me the week before, turned his ears back like I was ****ing him off. So I whacked him with the crop (as always instructed by my trainer) he did the SAME THING THE MARE DID last week! Turned his ears back and started side stepping away from the side I whacked him on, cutting into the 'circle' I was riding in. My trainer said "again!" for me to whack him again so he'd listen even though I was getting intimidated because I hadn't seen him act like this before. So I gave him another good whack behind my leg and, to my amazement, he tucked his head in and picked up the most beautiful trot you ever did see! Nice forward trot all collected and round. Apparently he felt my nervousness and decided to see how far he could push it. When I didn't give up he figured 'oh well, I guess she's serious I better get to work' Made me feel a little more confident...but in the same respect I know that if my instructor hadn't been there telling me to do it, I probably would have wussed out


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## serafina (May 5, 2011)

This is only peripherally related, I'm afraid...but on my 2nd lesson, I needed to do an emergency dismount (rookie rider mistake and communication breakdown) and got a wicked bad concussion (ambulance transport). When I got back on 2 weeks later I really would like to say that I didn't have a qualm at all, but that wouldn't be true. I definitely thought about the earlier event and hoped that it would be happening again, at least, not soon!

The next 2 lessons I had were on a longe line, and even though we weren't really *using* the line (I was using the reins and cueing the horse for his paces) I found the *existence* of the longe line to be helpful.

So...not suggesting a line, but maybe there is some kind of external aid that will help you get your confidence back? If this horse is really above your ability, then of course, find a different mount. But it sounded from your post like you felt, really, that you *should* be able to ride this horse and it was just your confidence that got in the way. Perhaps some little crutch, just for the short-term, will be helpful? Even if you don't really need to use it, just to know it is there?


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## Hunter65 (Aug 19, 2009)

rottenweiler said:


> Well I had a good lesson this week. As suspected, my trainer put me on a different horse. I had ridden this horse once before and was happy to ride him again...the worst I remembered about him was that he was lazy and took a lot of leg. So I rode him out to the riding area by myself and walked around a bit then asked for a trot. He immediately picked up a very choppy quick trot which was fine with me. Then my trainer came out and I slowed to a walk so I could talk to her briefly. When I asked him to trot again don't you know he did the same thing the mare did to me the week before, turned his ears back like I was ****ing him off. So I whacked him with the crop (as always instructed by my trainer) he did the SAME THING THE MARE DID last week! Turned his ears back and started side stepping away from the side I whacked him on, cutting into the 'circle' I was riding in. My trainer said "again!" for me to whack him again so he'd listen even though I was getting intimidated because I hadn't seen him act like this before. So I gave him another good whack behind my leg and, to my amazement, he tucked his head in and picked up the most beautiful trot you ever did see! Nice forward trot all collected and round. Apparently he felt my nervousness and decided to see how far he could push it. When I didn't give up he figured 'oh well, I guess she's serious I better get to work' Made me feel a little more confident...but in the same respect I know that if my instructor hadn't been there telling me to do it, I probably would have wussed out


Wow good for you! I know how you feel, there are still times that I am nervous to ride Hunter. I still get my trainer to come ride him occasionaly and she was supposed to come today but was late so I took Hunter out to the arena to warm him up. Well she turned out to be really really late and I finished the ride. I had to tap him with the crop a few times and he had ears back etc. But after a couple of skirmishes he was trotting awesome figure eights. I feel on top of the world and every ride like that restores more confidence. Mind you he is only 3 and still learning and has a pony mentality. I don't need to pay her to ride him I can do it! I tell you its a great feeling. WTG!!!!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I always feel better to hear that other people experience the same fear or loss of confidence that I do, and obviously, it's pretty common. It definitely goes with aging. I am MUCH more afraid of falling than before, and the funny thing is, I fall on a regular basis.

I now none of this changes your feelings except for you to be reminded that One; you are not alone , and Two: nothing to be ashamed about.


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## rottenweiler (Apr 16, 2009)

I am still improving on my riding but DANG can't shake this nervousness I have. I don't know where it is coming from but I wish it would just STOP! Now I'm at the point where I am learning new things every time I ride, things that I have NEVER done before. And I find myself wanting to make up some lame excuse to my instructor about my leg hurting or being too hot to continue because I'm just nervous. A few weeks ago my instructor had me trying to do a lead change over a cavaletti. I couldn't get it, even though my instructor told me the horse I was on wasn't 'good' at getting them anyway. The more I tried and failed, the more nervous I got. For no reason other than I guess I felt like I wasn't competent because I wasn't getting it. Today I was on a different horse and my instructor told me she was going to have me do a real flying lead change so I could see how it felt. This horse is better trained than the other one I was riding so I guess she felt it would be good for me to do it. Well, I did just what she told me to and the horse swapped leads just like she said he would. It was cool, don't get me wrong, but I felt like my heart was in my throat and was pounding so hard I could barely catch my breath afterwards! Then she wanted me to switch directions so I could do it again the opposite direction and I found myself wanting to say "No, it's ok...my legs are really tired" or some lame excuse to not do it. I don't understand myself, I just did it the other direction with NO problems so why was I afraid to do it again just different directions? Sigh...kinda frustrating. I almost want to quit riding just so I can stop being afraid...I'm afraid of doing new things, not of riding in general.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Can you take a break from all the lessons and just ride for fun? That is what I would do. Just take a break, have fun, hit the trails, play in the arena, or whatever you want, and no pressure, just enjoy the horse. 

When I was a child my parents sent me to swimming lessons and I was terrified. I was so afraid I would drown, and to this day I can still remember the instructor holding me in the water and having me kick and try to swim, but I was so afraid of him letting me go and me drowning, because I could not touch the bottom of the pool. I refused to go back after a couple of lessons and had a fear of the water. Then, something really cool happened. My best friend had a swimming pool and would swim all the time. She would invite me swimming. I started out on the steps. Then walking in the shallow end. Then swimming in the shallow end. Eventually I was swimming in the deep end and going off the diving board. It made all the difference to do things "for fun" with no pressure, no instructors, just playing in the pool and hanging out in the shallow end until I got my confidence up naturally. 

I guess the point of my story is, that maybe that is what you need to do with your riding. Eventually you will be eager to do all the lessons and learning new things. But you almost need a break from it and just enjoy riding. I am sure you must love horses and want to enjoy riding them. You should look forward to riding, not dreading it. So maybe you should take a step back and remember why you got into horses and just enjoy them at your own speed, even it that is just at a walk. But just regroup and forget about the pressure of learning new things for a little while and just enjoy being around the horse.  Then as you gain confidence you will be ready to try new things. But riding should be fun, so if you aren't having fun, drop down on the pressure a couple of degrees and have fun.


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## greenhorn7 (Sep 2, 2011)

I've recently experienced "lost confidence" issues, too. I'm a "beginner all over again" and was just getting comfortable cantering again. I took a spill while at a lesson. I thought I was okay, still riding at home, etc. But, it caught up with me this spring. I talk about it at TVhorsetalk I ride 5 to 6 days/week. I haven't gotten on the trails through the woods yet, but I'm working on it. Best of luck to you. It has helped me to read about everyone's experiences.


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## rottenweiler (Apr 16, 2009)

yeah that's really good advice. I haven't been able to 'enjoy' riding for a while because I can just afford the lessons I can't afford to lease. There are horses for lease around here but most require that you take a weekly lesson as well. I'm thinking about trying out a new barn. I put an ad on craigslist a couple years ago saying that I wanted to ride but couldn't afford to lease or own. I got several responses, one from a guy that owns a barn near where I ride now. He was going to let me ride his horses for free in exchange for cleaning tack or something along those lines. Maybe I'll take lessons there and they will let me ride for free one day a week? Worth a try anyway. Oh, and if you are wondering, I have asked my instructor to take steps back and just work on ground work or this and that. She seems disappointed and says I could be doing so much more


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## rottenweiler (Apr 16, 2009)

Well I'm a little excited. I responded to an ad on craigslist for an oldenburg mare for lease. The price is awesome for a full lease, I can ride whenever and how ever often I want. A little concerned as she was described to me as a 'typical warmblood' but I'll have a go at it anyway


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## brackenbramley (May 29, 2011)

oh exciting cant wait to hear how u get on. Confidence is defo worse with age and not riding enough and also i think being around nervous riders doesnt help!!! Ipromise u weve all been there and it id horribly frustrating but if your determind enough u will get through it xxxxxx


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

The horse is telling you she's had enough. When you ignore this she then tells you in a bigger way. She needs some relaxing trail time, a change of scenery. You can still train on the trail but not as intensely as in the arena. Pack a lunch, put her halter on under her bridle and ride out somewhere and let her graze. This will be pleasant for her and mentally refreshing.


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