# Not gettng along with the owner... Need advice!



## EquestrianCowgirl4 (Jan 9, 2012)

Ok well I board at this Stable and i love everything about it and everyone there exept for.... the owner... 
Everything I do she has a negitive comment for it. Everything I say she has a negitive comment for it even if i am not even talkng to her.... 
I don't even pay her for board I pay my trainer tht has his own few pens with his horses and we have worked out a deal ( It's complacated and i don't feel like writing it all)
What should I do about this?
She has even gotten me in trubble for complete acidents or things i didn't do. Or things i did but they weren't really bad she just over reacts and makes it sound like it's alot worse than it is!
My parents have banned me from there for a wile and I don't kow what to do I miss my horses! 
I am allowed to go back there in a few days but how do i face the owner??
ADVICE NEEDED!


----------



## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Before I offer any advice, I would like to ask why you parents banned you for going there for a while?​


----------



## EquestrianCowgirl4 (Jan 9, 2012)

haha ok Well me and my friend went into the owners house real quick to grab something ( we are usually welcome in there) and i guess we left some mud on he floor. So she told us to clean it up... so we did. 
Than she tells my parents and makes it sound like i killed someone! She is going on how we like messed up her house which we didn't i swear! My parents are taking her story over mine like usual so yeah.
but the other thing that kind of bothers me is she never told my friends parents just mine. She has had this grudge on me ever since i left training with her to go to a trainer that acually knows what he's talking about. But i never was mean to her about it or said anything rude to her...


----------



## BornToRun (Sep 18, 2011)

EquestrianCowgirl4 said:


> haha ok Well me and my friend went into the owners house real quick to grab something ( we are usually welcome in there) and i guess we left some mud on he floor. So she told us to clean it up... so we did.
> Than she tells my parents and makes it sound like i killed someone! She is going on how we like messed up her house which we didn't i swear! My parents are taking her story over mine like usual so yeah.
> but the other thing that kind of bothers me is she never told my friends parents just mine. She has had this grudge on me ever since i left training with her to go to a trainer that acually knows what he's talking about. But i never was mean to her about it or said anything rude to her...


Have you tried telling your parents that? Maybe they just haven't heard the whole story?


----------



## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

EquestrianCowgirl4 said:


> haha ok Well me and my friend went into the owners house real quick to grab something ( we are usually welcome in there) *and i guess we left some mud on he floor.* So she told us to clean it up... so we did.
> Than she tells my parents and makes it sound like i killed someone! She is going on how we like messed up her house which we didn't i swear! My parents are taking her story over mine like usual so yeah.
> but the other thing that kind of bothers me is she never told my friends parents just mine. She has had this grudge on me ever since i l*eft training with her to go to a trainer that acually knows what he's talking about. But i never was mean to her about it or said anything rude to her...[/QUOTE*]
> 
> ...


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I totally agree with Walkamile. Barn gossip has a way of getting around. YOu would be amazed. You need to apologize. take responsibility. If you want to stay there, then bow your head and toe the line. That's all there is to it.


----------



## EquestrianCowgirl4 (Jan 9, 2012)

I have appoligized like 4 times she doesn't seem to ever forgive me....
and I really haven't said anything bad about her I just wanted to advance in riding and she isn't even a real instuctor so she can't be to hurt. We used to have a good relationship i mean i even worked with alot of her horses, broke one even. I just don't get it. And we cleaned it up really well, idk....
Plus why do you think she only told my parents and not my friends???


----------



## EquestrianCowgirl4 (Jan 9, 2012)

and borntorun i have really but they think i should just do whatever she says even if it's not fair just because she's letting me on her property. But i pay to be out there and i have NEVER abused that privlage or hurt the porperty in some way. and they don't beleive me about her over reacting and making it sound worse or adding untrue details. i try to be nice and respectful to her i buy her presents for christmas and her b-day i sweep the barn when no one else will, I keep my stuff in my own space and keep it organized i just don't know why she hates me...


----------



## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

Because you dumped her as a trainer & got someone else. That insulted her and this is her retaliation. Suck it up buttercup.


----------



## DrumRunner (Jan 26, 2011)

Best advice in a situation like this - Put on your big girl panties and suck it up...or move out.


----------



## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

had the sameish thing happen....sorta.....my extrainer was like a surrogate mother to me, took me to al sorts of rodeos, hired me to help with her clinics and her moms business....i was part of the family. in return i mucked stalls, broke horses for her, and did things like house sit for them, babysit their kids...eventually she got more into rodeo, and my mare had just been retired from rodeo so i was showing her so i switched to my new trainer, she got really insulted and started spreading rumors about me and my mother, saying we were cruel to our horses, we cheated, we didnt really know how to ride we just bought really fancy horses (okay my colts $200, and he wasnt even a purebreed....) but she would be really civil and polite to our faces.... thankfully i didnt board at her house so i didnt have to deal with all that....

you just gotta kill em with kindness. she spread rumors aabout us and tried to stab us in the back, we invited her to our barn raising, i still talk to her daughter all the time...


----------



## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

OP, I believe you! I've btdt! Some people in horse-related positions of authority/ownership just SUCK! 

You sweep up to be nice, plus buy her b'day & xmas gifts & have apologized repeatedly WHEN there's nothing to apologize for in getting a better teacher, ad nauseum? I find this female to be one of those who suck, yes indeedy.

If she were decent, she'd work on her skills to win you back as a student, rather than make your time at the barn a living hell.

What to do? First off, talk to your parents, leaving nothing out about the history of her treatment of you & how you've been good to her regardless. Your parents are the more important relationships, & fact that they side with her is far more worrisome than her trip. It may not help, but you'll have tried to get through to the parents!

About her: like others said, leave or suck it up, because she's not about to change, EVER. Yet I don't expect you to suck it up as if it's the only reasonable choice; leaving has all of the validity in the world. It comes down to what YOU can handle; if she's sucking the joy out of your horse time, time to go!

I'm sure that you already know whether this is true or not. There's no point in staying if it's true.


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

NOt meaning to sound harsh, but it really is true that if she owns the property, she calls the shots. Things ARENT fair. Wait a bit, stay quiet and things will likely settle down.


----------



## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

OP didn't state how long this harassment has been going on, but the fact that owner's gotten b'day & xmas giftS (in the plural) suggests that it's been over a year. If it's gone on unabated for even 6 months, that's a loonng 6 months, or at least it would be for me. There's got to be some cut-off point, to call it quits. Now, I'd really like to know how long it's gone on - OP?


----------



## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

If my trainer ever treated me like that I'd be out the door that instant and taking all my horses and CASH with me. She doesn't deserve your money if she's going to be like that.


----------



## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I am with you there SorrelHorse, but the OP is a minor, her parents are the ones with the cash.


----------



## Cowgirls Boots (Apr 6, 2011)

I'd move out and find somewheres else to go. Bunched panties and maybe possibly barn gossip seem to have set in and she clearly has made up her mind if she's "out to get you" so to speak. She probably has over heard you saying her training basically sucks or that she doesn't know what she's doing and that's fine if you think that but she takes in offensively. If it were me I would just move. I don't like the barn gossip/drama bs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Cowgirls Boots said:


> I'd move out and find somewheres else to go. Bunched panties and maybe possibly barn gossip seem to have set in and she clearly has made up her mind if she's "out to get you" so to speak. *She probably has over heard you saying her training basically sucks or that she doesn't know what she's doing and that's fine if you think that but she takes in offensively*. If it were me I would just move. I don't like the barn gossip/drama bs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How would you take it if it were you?


----------



## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

waresbear said:


> I am with you there SorrelHorse, but the OP is a minor, her parents are the ones with the cash.


 
Then she doesn't deserve her parents money either.


----------



## Cowgirls Boots (Apr 6, 2011)

I would be offended too. I'm saying she's fine to think that but publicize it isn't right especially in her barn where it's most likely to get back to her. That's asking for trouble.

ETA if you did publicize this in her barn and that's the reason for bunched panties you asked for this situation 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

SorrelHorse said:


> Then she doesn't deserve her parents money either.


Interesting that the parents side with the BO though isn't it?


----------



## Cowgirls Boots (Apr 6, 2011)

Well I'm sure this isn't the whole story. The OP is a minor correct? We all thought at that age that things we said were innocent and everyone was out to get us. I'm sure there is heck of alot more to the story. I'm also sure there is a good reason your parents side with the BO
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

On that note i know many of my lesson girls who have parents that side with me when they definately shouldn't. And my trainer too, has people siding with her just because she's the trainer. I find it frustrating when parents always side with me (I teach little kids and beginners now) so whenever that happens I just keep reverting the conversation right back to the kid and ask them to tell them what they think happened.


----------



## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

I can't get past her (and her friend) feeling they can just go in the BO's house? Sorry-but I don't even do that to my "kids" who live down the street! I call first!

After having a teen daughter I KNOW there is more to the story. It will most likely come out after OP is out on her own......lol


----------



## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

While I do agree with that franknbeans, I wouldn't let anyone into my house uninvited either, but my trainer has an open door policy for her boarders. Of course I don't know if that extends to this BO, judging by the sounds of things it doesn't, but there's four sides to every story. The girls side, the BOs side, what really happened, and now what the HorseForum THINKS is happening.


----------



## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Sorry-"open door policy" or not, I would not EVER walk into someones house. I call it courtesy, and, even tho I often say to people "come over anytime" I DO expect they would let me know they were coming.....knock even? Most of my friends would;t think of just coming in unannounced either. Guess I am getting old....:-(


----------



## xXSerendipityXx (Jan 26, 2012)

Well I hope you didn't do anything to deserve it...
Anyways, I think you should just confront her about it. What's the worst that could happen? 
If you don't have the guts to even try, just leave. If you are that worked up about this person, the barn is not even worth it. You don't have to put yourself thru all that..
Goodluck 
xXSerendipityXx


----------



## EquestrianCowgirl4 (Jan 9, 2012)

I am switching barns.... I can't take it anymore...
so yes i am moving out!


----------



## crimsonsky (Feb 18, 2011)

EquestrianCowgirl4 said:


> I am switching barns.... I can't take it anymore...
> so yes i am moving out!


have your parents agreed to this? where will you go?


----------



## xXSerendipityXx (Jan 26, 2012)

EquestrianCowgirl4 said:


> I am switching barns.... I can't take it anymore...
> so yes i am moving out!


I think that it's so sad that you liked the place and everything, and the owner had to go and ruin the whole experience for you. I hope you find an even better barn.


----------



## sandy2u1 (May 7, 2008)

I can't help but agree with franknbeans on this one. You should not have been in her house without permission, open door policy or not. That is especially true if you know she doesn't like you in the first place. You say she accuses you of things you don't do or make a bigger deal than necessary of the things you do. What if she had accused you of stealing or something of that nature? You could be in big trouble right now. 

Something else I have to bring up. I have a 15 year old daughter. Her idea of clean does not match mine. When she cleans up her muddy boot prints or anything else for that matter....well, she tries, but it isn't cleaned as well as if I had done it myself. 

Before you act hastily, I'd ask you to consider a few things. For one, there will always be people you don't like or that don't like you at every barn. If you like and get along with everyone else, well there are worse situations to be in. Trust me when I say there are far worse situations to be in. If you really like your trainer and are learning a lot....you may not find that in your next barn. Every public boarding barn has problems. Some worse than others. You can run into some real crazies. I board my horse, so I know this all far to well. Just some things to consider.


----------



## xXSerendipityXx (Jan 26, 2012)

For your poll you should put the option of confronting this lady about why she has a problem with you. Then you can stay WITHOUT putting up with anything. :lol:


----------



## sierrams1123 (Jul 8, 2011)

xXSerendipityXx said:


> For your poll you should put the option of confronting this lady about why she has a problem with you. Then you can stay WITHOUT putting up with anything. :lol:



I disagree here.
No child should ever confront an adult about something, such a bratty move, you will only make matters worse. You will also come across as very immature and like a now it all.
If a CHILD, which I consider the OP to be, has an issue with an ADULT they should try and avoid any other mix ups and be on you P's and Q's, eventually the situation will blow over and there will be nothing to get upset about.

It seems the OP has solved this problem already though, by finding a new place to keep her horses and train at, so my post is not really directed at her. Its for any minors out there that may think they have any reason at all to be disrespectful to an adult, I learned the hard way that it never helps anything.


----------



## MysticL (Sep 5, 2011)

This is making my head spin! 

Last year I leased a horse who was privately owned but stabled at someone's barn. the first day i went to ride i was in sneakers simply because I hadnt ridden in a while and i needed new boots. She refused to let me ride like that. I wanted to tell her to take a hike but i figured it was her yard and her rules and i was new and therefore did not want to step on her toes. she also picked me out about EVERYthing, told me how to ride, where to ride, what to do and it drove me nuts but i had to just shut up and deal with it. inside my head I had a few price words and names going on that I wanted to call her but I bit my tongue and had a "yes Ma'am No Ma'am" attitude. For the record im 28 years old and I feel that as an adult we are on the same level but it was her property not mine. 

On the other hand (besides the mud issue etc) I also feel that a barn owner is a service provider...it's their business which makes you the paying client and they should be treating you like an asset to their business. Without their clients they have no business. But there also needs to be mutual respect. These barn owners (some of whom can be a living nightmare as we all can be) take on the responsibility of looking after OUR horses more than we are there to do it ourselves very often. They are up in the middle of the night if something is wrong, first thing in the morning and go to sleep late at night and they work **** hard. I personally wouldnt have it in me to run a barn the way some of these people do. 

The equine world is one like no other. The back stabbing and rivalry can sometimes be overwhelming. I personally have aimed to be friends with everyone and not say a bad word about people and not listen to their complaints either. When my BO has something bad to say about another I change the subject because I never know when I might need the other persons help. 

When we were still in school my friend spent crazy amounts of time at her instructors house until eventually the instructors husband said no more because it was an invasion of his private time. He permanently had kids sprawled on his couches and making a noise and mess. Looking back I cant blame him. 

If you like the barn and your horse is well looked after then perhaps keep your interaction with the BO to a minimum. Dont make a mess in her house, take your boots off at the door (my mother would have killed me if i had done that in her house so the same applies in someone else's home), be polite, practise safe riding and adhere to her riding rules if she has any (ie safety requirements etc). 

The kids at our barn are there every day and help (voluntarily) to bring the horses in and help feed and groom them even though the groom is being paid to do so. They are a pleasure to have and always so polite


----------



## MysticL (Sep 5, 2011)

sierrams1123 said:


> I disagree here.
> No child should ever confront an adult about something, such a bratty move, you will only make matters worse. You will also come across as very immature and like a now it all.
> If a CHILD, which I consider the OP to be, has an issue with an ADULT they should try and avoid any other mix ups and be on you P's and Q's, eventually the situation will blow over and there will be nothing to get upset about.
> 
> It seems the OP has solved this problem already though, by finding a new place to keep her horses and train at, so my post is not really directed at her. Its for any minors out there that may think they have any reason at all to be disrespectful to an adult, I learned the hard way that it never helps anything.


I would like to know IF the parents have agreed to move the OPs horses??? If they are "siding" with the BO then perhaps they know more than has been disclosed by the OP. As a minor (which we are all assuming the OP is but has not been confirmed unless I missed something) the OP would need their consent to move her horses not so?


----------



## xXSerendipityXx (Jan 26, 2012)

sierrams1123 said:


> I disagree here.
> No child should ever confront an adult about something, such a bratty move, you will only make matters worse. You will also come across as very immature and like a now it all.
> If a CHILD, which I consider the OP to be, has an issue with an ADULT they should try and avoid any other mix ups and be on you P's and Q's, eventually the situation will blow over and there will be nothing to get upset about.
> 
> It seems the OP has solved this problem already though, by finding a new place to keep her horses and train at, so my post is not really directed at her. Its for any minors out there that may think they have any reason at all to be disrespectful to an adult, I learned the hard way that it never helps anything.


Sorry I came off as a disrespectful brat
It's just what I would have done if I were her..
There IS a way to let people know how you feel about something without sounding like an immature know it all, tho


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

The problem with gossip is it is all about lies with a shred of truth. There's the old adage What I said isn't what you heard. And people are inclined to add their own slant to the story to best suit their purposes. Something harmless can become malicious. Anyone who listens to gossip is a danged fool.


----------

