# Stop telling us how we feel!



## Princess42

I hope this offends nobody as I really don't want anyone to feel offended or upset by this. However when you try and tell us you know how we feel after the death our horses we don't want to hear it. Your horse , might have passed away too but every situation is different and we really don't appreciate being told how we feel. 

Please don't be offended but stop acting like you know what we are going through and what our story is! It makes me so annoyed to see people do this.. Yes a little sympathy but stop telling us you know how feel and stuff, you can sign out of this forum and go back to normal life your not the one who has to get up every morning and live with your greatest friends death for the rest of your life!

So please we beg for you to stop telling us how feel and pretending you know our story because you don't and we really don't want to hear it.

Please don't be offended by this its not meant to offend anyone it is just the simple truth.

This is aimed at people who haven't lost a horse! for the ones who have like me , I'm sorry you had to read this but you probably feel the same way I do about people telling us how feel.

Once again please nobody be offended but just don't do it because it just makes our situation worse

Thank you


----------



## Allison Finch

Just curious....how is your loss so unique that it has no relation to a loss I may have had? Loss of a heart horse is a loss, period, and it is gut wrenching for us all. 

You have just thrown all the good wishes and offers of sympathy right in everyone's faces. Better to have not signed on for a while and grieve in solitude that to have done that, IMHO.

I guess you have hit a sensitive spot for me. As you have said....I hope I haven't offended you.


----------



## DancingArabian

What makes the loss of a horse incomparable to the loss of any other treasured animal or loved one? A loss is a loss. No one will have your unique story but that doesn't mean someone who hasn't specifically experienced the loss of a horse has not experienced a great loss of another animal who held deep meaning to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JaphyJaphy

Who is this "we" you speak on behalf of? I'm curious to know why someone posting in a Horse Memorial forum would abhor support. It kind of defeats the purpose :? Everyone will experience loss at some point in their lives. Minimizing the emotional experiences of others who are offering condolences during someone's grieving period is disrespectful.

People don't understand? How do _you_ know?


----------



## BarrelracingArabian

I agree im not really understanding. Any loss is hard. I find it helpful to know there are others that have experienced it and can help to talk to people who know the feeling .


----------



## Cat

When someone says they know how you feel - they are trying to show empathy. Most everyone has lost someone that was extremely important to them - be it a person, horse or some other animal that they were close with. They are just saying they can relate. It may not be *exactly* the same from situation to situation - but if someone can relate they can offer the best understanding of your feelings. 

Its so very sad that you would throw it back in their face.


----------



## hemms

Loss makes us angry and sensitive. When I lost my heart dog, I tossed every sympathy card sent to me (tho without telling well-meaning friends). I could help but feel insulted that someone thought a ridiculous piece of paper could fo anything to counter the obiss I was drifting in. To this day, most people can't understand what he was to me.

Since losing Pilgrim, I've encountered life challenges that would make others urinate in their boots, but his loss still leaves that resounding echo through my most internal self. 

No one can measure another's loss and people do bungle the best intentions. When the sharpness of hurt subdues to a glowing roar, perspective returns and we realise people need to offer comfort as much for themselves as for us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SouthernTrails

.

No words for this thread


Comanche, 33 years old, rest in peace 2-26-2010 dear friend 


.


----------



## cakemom

Everyone endures loss dear, and as humans we try to comfort others.....
Stop taking it so offensively open your heart and let the love others are sharing help you heal. 
Guess what, less than five years ago my dad and step dad, two o the most important men in my life, died within a week of each other- people emphasized with me, that's what we do. If you think you're alone in pain look around and there is always someone more in pain than you. If you don't want them to share their story then don't share yours. 
I've lost dogs, horses, cats, babies and two fathers.....I personally will share a story with anyone who feels like they need to talk. If my pain can help lesson someone else's them at least I'm not hurting in vain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MHFoundation Quarters

I'm having a hard time understanding this as well. I am also confused by the "we" part. I know I am not in the "we" that feels that way. In those times, I am comforted by support from those who do know how it feels and what I'm going through. 

I can and will say that I DO UNDERSTAND how it feels. I've personally said goodbye to 10 horses over the years, each one had a special place in my heart. My heart horse is buried next to a trail in our woods that I ride by quite often, she's been gone for 20 years and I still shed a tear on occasion when I ride by, so please don't tell me that I don't know how it feels.


----------



## Northernstar

Princess42, I want to welcome you to the forum. If you have lost your precious horse, I want to tell you I am so very sorry for your loss. I'll never pretend to know how others are feeling when they've lost their horse, because it hasn't happened to me - yet. Tomorrow marks the 22nd birthday of my beloved QH. She's in excellent health, as is my almost 20 yr old Morgan. But my day without them will come, as I know they won't live forever. I know I'll grieve over them, cry in the night, cry during the day, and miss them terribly. I'll make all attempts to remember every single good time, funny, cute, and happy memory on their behalf, and let that be my comfort. My heart goes out to you - let your lovely memories bring you to that place of healing.


----------



## NorthernMama

Well, the OP did state that this is directed to people that haven't lost a horse. 

To go one more step, I'm thinking maybe the OP could also mean it's directed to people that haven't lost a close animal companion.

The loss of an animal companion is definitely different than a human, but that said, every loss and every person and every situation is different. 

To the OP -- maybe you are interpreting other people's past experiences/stories as being directed to tell you how you are "supposed" to feel. You are not "supposed" to feel any particular way. You feel how you feel and just know there is empathy for your loss. No one can truly know your own mind and emotions. But many of us have lost a close companion and want you just to know that we care.

As far as any empathy coming from people that haven't experienced this -- well, they probably mean well, Princess42. Please don't be angry with them because they are trying to be nice. If they don't understand, it's not their fault, but they just want to say, "I care."

So, insomuch as a stranger can care, I care. I care that it's so tough for you that you are reaching out to tell us and I hope you heal soon.


----------



## JoesMom

SouthernTrailsGA said:


> .
> 
> No words for this thread
> 
> 
> Comanche, 33 years old, rest in peace 2-26-2010 dear friend
> 
> 
> .


Beauty---33 years old, RIP 5-10-2000, Stroke
Flight-----26 years old, Rip 9-21-2009, illness
Joe-------30 years old, RIP 8-30-2012, Age


----------



## dbarabians

Offering support and kind words to someone who is grieving is natural. IMO the only response should be thank you, Shalom


----------



## Allison Finch

JoesMom said:


> Beauty---33 years old, RIP 5-10-2000, Stroke
> Flight-----26 years old, Rip 9-21-2009, illness
> Joe-------30 years old, RIP 8-30-2012, Age


'Lil Ab, son of the olympic gold medal jumper Abdullah. The greatest friend, horse or human, I have ever known. I know you were well loved. And, Princess42, I think you DO know how I feel.

Ab, always loved, greatly missed.


----------



## Princess42

Sorry everyone I wrote this last night whilst I was upset, hope nobody was offended I'm very sorry, can you delete a thread?


----------



## HowClever

Princess42 I am very sorry for your loss. 

Unfortunately, I DO know how it feels. I have lost 3 horses in a little over 2 years. Most recently I had to make the devastating decision to let my heart horse go after watching him break his leg right in front of me.

While I would never wish that, or the continuing heartbreak on anybody, it is helpful to know that others have experienced it and come out the other side.


----------



## Maple

Allison Finch said:


> 'Lil Ab, son of the olympic gold medal jumper Abdullah. The greatest friend, horse or human, I have ever known. I know you were well loved. And, Princess42, I think you DO know how I feel.
> 
> Ab, always loved, greatly missed.


Allison, I love how he is darn near looking at the camera as if to say "did you get that shot?". What a gorgeous horse.


----------



## gunslinger

Princess42 said:


> Sorry everyone I wrote this last night whilst I was upset, hope nobody was offended I'm very sorry, can you delete a thread?


Princess42, I really don't know why I stop and read this part of the forum because each one who post of their loss just breaks my heart and most often brings tears to my eyes. I guess that's sad for a grown man to say, but yes, it hurts me to.

Yes, you're right, we don't know how you feel, but I darn sure know how I feel after reading about the loss of a horse and the despair it brings to his partner.

We all share a common bond, the love of our horses. Believe it or not, I'm sure we all grieve a little when a forum member post of such a loss. 

I know you're hurting....and pray god finds a way to comfort you.


----------



## WickedNag

I know how it feels... our old man had to be put down just about two years ago. I walked him over to the hole... I stroked his nose as the vet inserted a needle. I consoled my husband who never owned or rode a horse before our beloved Sport, and has no desire to ever ride another. I don't know how you feel... I know it tore our hearts out and it hurts...


----------



## Tayz

I dont know why you made this forum but we all have hearts so it all affects us deeply. I never have lost any horses that I owned but I consider that I lost a horse that I loved alot, i considered him a dear friend. It still hurts me that he was in a paddock all by himself in pain for hours. He was not owned by me but he taught me how to ride, how to love and trust a horse. He taught me walk trot canter jump. He was the first horse I ever rode.
I could tell you all bout him, how he was, everything from the way he'd pin his ears if a horse come to close to his best friend Melody or that he would bolt around like a headless chook if she wasnt with him. He made a purring noise when you took him out trail riding and always did everything you asked, If I could go back in time and have the one last canter that i gave up i would....
Its true noone will understand in some ways, but in alot more ways people understand. He wasnt my horse but I loved him. I think unless your a total jerk that everyone actually really understands what it is to lose someone. Its the worst feeling theres nothing like it. we are all programmed to feel.

..I hope this makes sense...


----------



## Clayton Taffy

I just saw this thread and I know how you feel!


----------



## jaydee

Maybe if you don't want well meaning comments like that its best not to post about the death of a horse at all
I still shed a tear for all the dear wonderful horses I've lost over the years and so does my tough, hard, husband.


----------



## Reckyroo

Princess42 said:


> Sorry everyone I wrote this last night whilst I was upset, hope nobody was offended I'm very sorry, can you delete a thread?


I'm sure everyone on here will understand that you spoke out of pain.

A friend of mine lost her husband a few years ago - now she says, she can remember the days after he died,wondering how anyone could go about their daily business and was angry that people could walk past her house laughing and carrying on with their lives. She didn't know these people, but she knows now that the feelings she had, she was acting out of grief.

A close friend lost a horse last year - he was her heart horse and she had him put to sleep because of his age and various health issues, and the grief was such that she gave up her job. She still finds it hard now more than a year on x

People on this forum will support you and some will have gone through the grieving process as you obviously are - however it will manifest itself, sorrow, anger - and please don't take this as another "I know how you're feeling", as I haven't lost a horse yet, but I have lost loved ones, and can remember the helpless pain that seems like nothing can soothe. 

Such is the power of loving another living being xx God Bless xx


----------



## texasgal

Someone saying that they "know how you feel" should not diminish what one is feeling. It should comfort the person to know that they are not alone and there are people who understand and can relate to what they are going through.

It beats the heck out of someone saying "It's an animal .. get over it."

And FWIW .. if I ever post a thread about losing one of my critters, everyone feel free to comfort me with words of "I've been there and I feel ya, sister"

That's what I will draw comfort from..


----------



## Speed Racer

I understand the anger because that's one of the early stages of grief. That stage passes, but while you're in it you hate everyone who dares to have any happiness at all. I understand that feeling perfectly.

I lost my heart horse almost 6 years ago. There's not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I will always miss him, but I can now thank God for being blessed with him those 21 years instead of being angry that I no longer have him in my life.

I lost my father almost 2 years ago, and my mother is getting ready to pass. The doctors give her 2 weeks at the outside. Oh yes, I understand loss.


----------



## Muppetgirl

Speed Racer said:


> I understand the anger because that's one of the early stages of grief. That stage passes, but while you're in it you hate everyone who dares to have any happiness at all. I understand that feeling perfectly.
> 
> I lost my heart horse almost 6 years ago. There's not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I will always miss him, but I can now thank God for being blessed with him those 21 years instead of being angry that I no longer have him in my life.
> 
> I lost my father almost 2 years ago, and my mother is getting ready to pass. The doctors give her 2 weeks at the outside. Oh yes, I understand loss.


I lost my dad in 2010, it was a fast but excruciatingly long three months of hell. I skipped the denial and the anger, it just didn't happen, and I went straight into acceptance. Needless to say I was the one who made all the arrangements. My sister on the other hand is still angry and in denial......I feel badly for her and hope she can come to accept what has happened:-(

Hugs Speed :hug:


----------



## Samstead

Princess42 said:


> I hope this offends nobody as I really don't want anyone to feel offended or upset by this. However when you try and tell us you know how we feel after the death our horses we don't want to hear it. Your horse , might have passed away too but every situation is different and we really don't appreciate being told how we feel.
> 
> Please don't be offended but stop acting like you know what we are going through and what our story is! It makes me so annoyed to see people do this.. Yes a little sympathy but stop telling us you know how feel and stuff, you can sign out of this forum and go back to normal life your not the one who has to get up every morning and live with your greatest friends death for the rest of your life!
> 
> So please we beg for you to stop telling us how feel and pretending you know our story because you don't and we really don't want to hear it.
> 
> Please don't be offended by this its not meant to offend anyone it is just the simple truth.
> 
> This is aimed at people who haven't lost a horse! for the ones who have like me , I'm sorry you had to read this but you probably feel the same way I do about people telling us how feel.
> 
> Once again please nobody be offended but just don't do it because it just makes our situation worse
> 
> Thank you


I'm a bit confused if this is aimed a people have not lost a horse why did you also say "Your horse , might have passed away too"?


----------



## TBforever

doesnt matter if its a horse, a death of a loved one hurts just the same, everyone grieves differently, but the issue is the same *death*, i dont feel it is fair you can post this to ppl who havent lost a horse, they may have lost animal they loved most dearly, they may have lost care of their horse due to finanicial problems, it may not be a death but it is a loss, it hurts having to let go of your animal because you simply cannot afford to look after them, and it hurts greatly watcing your most loved animal go to another home as u cannot afford them, the regret, the feeling of letting them down, to me that hurts


----------

