# We Dont Belong Here



## AGraceful (Nov 16, 2014)

I need to get this out...

Peyton. 13 years old. Laughing, joking, having a good time. Right? Wrong. Her smile says she's loving life. But no one notices, no one knows about what goes on when she's alone. Swimming and going to the beach became a distant memory. Summer became unbearably hot. She never wore shorts; always jeans. Never short sleeves or tank tops;always long sleeves and hoodies.
No one knew, no one noticed how much she was drawing away from this world, how much she didnt belong here. Bullied daily, she always longed to be alone.
Beneath her long sleeves and long pants wear cuts...cuts and scars. But no one noticed, and if they did, they didnt care.
Every night there was loud music. Music to hide her pain. Loud enough to drown out her sobs every night. Every night, there was more pain. Pain to mask the emotional pain. Every morning she acted like everything was okay. But it wasnt. The truth was, she was dying inside. She was an outcast, she didnt belong here. She was a mistake. She wasnt suppose to happen; to be here.

So lets rewind, back to the start, 2012, where lives were changed.

10 years old. Sad. She didnt want to be here. Bullied every day. Nothing to mask her pain. Nothing. Lost and confused. Unwanted. A mistake. She hid it well..she had to. No one noticed. What was the use of not keeping it inside if no one noticed or cared?

One day...She made a choice. A choice where 2 worlds collided. A choice that would change her life...forever.

Lucy. 15 years old. Short, skinny and in pain. Unbearable pain. Every step she took hurt. No one cared. hated life everyday. More everyday. Lost the will to live. Became duller each day..Until that one day. That day where she changed someones life. Where her life changed.

May 5th 2012. The day lives were saved. The day where the two worlds collided.

A trailer pulled into the yard. She ran to open the gate. A girl, about 20, lead a horse out. The mare was obviously scared. Peyton opened the gate as the girl lead the mare in. The mare ran to the other side of the pen, where she stood watching everyone wearily. She was limping. It started pouring rain and everyone went inside. Everyone but Peyton. She sat on the fence, talking softly to the mare. 10 minutes went by. Both the girl and the horse were soaked. She climbed down into the pen, still speaking softly to the mare. The mare, ears forward, took a few, limping, steps forwards. Peyton stopped walking a few feet away and just talked. Talked about her life. About how lost and confused she was. She wasnt aware of the mare by her side until she looked up and the mare nickered softly. Peyton reached her hand out, and stroked the mare's neck, smiling.

The trailer stopped. She kicked out on the trailer. She wanted out. She heard unfamiliar voices. Where was she?! Finally the trailer door opened and her owner got her out. She tried rearing, she was scared. Where was she? This wasnt her home! She saw a girl opening gates and she was taken to a pen. She raced off once she was free. Every step hurt, but she needed to get away from them. It started pouring rain. She felt relieved once everyone went inside. She didnt see the girl, until she started talking. Tense once again, she didnt know what to do. minutes passed. She felt the girl's talking relieving. She saw the girl walk into the pen and stop a few feet away. She got tense. She didnt want anyone by her. The girl started talking again. She relaxed a bit and walked over to the girl. She stood there for a few moments before nickering. The girl looked up and smiled, stroking her neck.

I will be adding more! I have no more motivation...working on this for 2 hours haha.


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## AGraceful (Nov 16, 2014)

Lets fast forward to 2015.

Peyton was now 13. Everyone thought she was doing okay. That she was happy, and that she had a good life. But the truth was, she wasnt happy. She wasnt okay, and her life wasnt good. She was alone. Her friends forgot about her. Her only friend was Lucy. 

See, Lucy was unwanted too. She was abused until 2012, when Peyton got her. She lost the will to live, was in horrible shape and had no trust in people. She was saved from her misery when Peyton got her..little did Peyton know that Lucy saved her life too. That they would both be dead without each other.

Each day after school, Peyton would be at the barn. Grooming, riding, whatever. It was her escape from being bullied. Thats when it happened. Her parents split. She was told she was going to have to sell Lucy. Her world came crashing down within 2 seconds. Sell her?! She stopped sleeping. Stopped eating. Skipped school to be with Lucy. She would break down crying each night, wondering how she could go on. She knew they didnt belong here, but she found a way to keep going through Lucy. A month went passed. She was getting more and more depressed each day. Lucy was no longer her escape. She couldnt handle going to the barn. It reminded her of how much she let Lucy down.

The bullying got worse. She was called things like "fat" and "ugly" and "emo" each day. Whats worse, is that she started believing it. She started to hate herself. Everything about herself. Thats when the cuts started appearing. First on her arms. But it spread quickly. Her legs, stomach, sides, and arms were covered in cuts and scars. She always wore long sleeves and pants. Summer became unbearably hot; swimming and going to the beach a distant memory. She became withdrawn from people and activites, afraid they would find out her secret. 

A few days went by. The pain became unbearable. One day, she took some rope and tied it around the ceiling fan. She wrote a letter to her parents...

_"Im sorry but I just cant do this anymore. 
The pain has become unbearable. 
I just cant go on. I dont know how to go on. I
ts not your fault, im just not happy here anymore. 
Please forgive me. 
Im not trying to cause you anymore pain..."_

She put it on her bed then stood on the chair. She was crying. She knew it was time. Then she heard something. A nicker. It sounded like Lucy. She pictured Lucy in her head. It brought a smile to her face. Thats when she realized it WASNT her time. She untied the rope and got down from the chair. She collapsed on the ground, crying. She finally got up and put the chair away. She threw the rope away. She ripped the letter to shreds. She went outside to the barn. She looked at Lucy before she broke down crying. "Im sorry, im so sorry girl." She kept repeating, throwing her arms around Lucy's neck. A few days later she was told they found a place to keep Lucy at for her. She was overjoyed. She realized then what Lucy had done for her. She would have been dead without Lucy. She went to the barn and hugged Lucy. "Thank you" She kept whispering over and over.

The bullying still continued. The self harm, the depression, everything. But she will walk out to the barn and see lucy, and her pain would be forgotten. Something clicked between them. Going out to the barn wasnt a chore anymore. Cantering wasnt an anxiety attack waiting to happen. Jumping wasnt a horrifying thing. Lucy was her beacon of hope, her guardian angel.

So this section was REALLY hard to write, because it brings back AWFUL memories, id rather forget, but i cant. It reminds me of how close i came to losing lucy, and ending my life. 

Lucy has gone through so much, and im so proud of everything she has gone through. SHe truly is my beacon of hope, my guardian angel. She proves to everyone that no matter what you go through, all things are possible if you try. That things get better. It still shocks me that i was looking for something to make my life whole, something that made me feel okay for once in my life. And that something was only a few minutes away and i never even knew.


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