# Trainer Advice?



## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

Hey All! I'm super new here so I'm just getting the hang of things... but I was hoping for some quick advice. I apologize in advance for it being a bit of an essay...

I have been riding English almost a year and in the beginning, I had to sort of pick and choose and try out different trainers to see which trainer works for me the best- until I met my current trainer. I absolutely adore her but the barn that I ride at doesn’t do jumping which is what I want to do in the long run. My current trainer is aware of this and has expressed to me her own recommendations as well so she’s super supportive.

I know it’s time to upgrade and so I’ve found a couple of options for myself. I have tried a couple of lessons with a new trainer and have immediately realized her teaching style doesn’t mesh well with me. She’s a lot more of a “football coach” type of personality which I know I’m not super receptive to because I freak out each time and become more anxious. She yells at me that I’m doing something wrong, doesn't give me time to correct myself and keeps scolding me and I end up feeling like I’m screwing up even more. Her use of language and sarcasm makes me more upset than motivated and keep in mind I have only been riding about a year so I am still very much in the learning process. She’s super nice when I’m out of the saddle though- but at the end of the day I’m paying out of my own pocket to learn and not feel completely intimidated and scared to go to my lesson for fear of doing something wrong again.

My trainer had also given me a recommendation and I did try that as well but quickly realized this was a barn where most of the riders were kids and IEL riders. I’m almost 30 so it was just a matter of feeling out of place riding with 10-12 year old kids. My goals are more casual and not very much competition or show based. I just want to learn. 

So here’s where I was hoping for some advice. I have found a couple of new trainers that I’ve spoken to and have agreed for me to come down and see how they teach (without taking lessons just yet) to see if it’s what I’m looking for. (If you couldn’t tell already, I’m pretty picky with where I end up because I really want to be happy with where I ride.)

Here's what I’m wondering: Is it okay for me to leave a barn and go to another? Since I’m paying out of pocket for lessons, I really want to make sure I’m able to be comfortable and be happy with where I end up but I’m basically worried about being looked down on for leaving or going to someone else who might be a better fit for me.


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

Are you at my barn with my instructor? It sounds like her. I don't know how anxious people manage to take lessons from her at all. 

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you switching barns if the current place isn't working out for you. This is a service you are paying for and you need to find the right fit for yourself. If you keep riding with someone like this, then riding is going to become more and more unpleasant for you until you finally stop, and that would stink.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

As long as you aren't one to barn hop and talk negatively about every place you leave then, no. Not all trainers and student combinations work. I'd advise doing as you've done and ask to observe a few lessons before committing.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

Absolutely, it is perfectly normal to switch schools and even come back to your old school. Trainers generally expect this to happen because everyone does it.

One thing though - it is unlikely that you will find a riding school with majority adult beginners. It’s either beginner kids or advanced teens/adults (who usually compete). I was an adult beginner and I got used to riding with kids - they’re not half bad either. I even made friends with some of them. I was great friends with two seven year olds (at different times). We would chat about horses for hours, go trail riding - all sorts of things. And I don’t even like kids all that much. I am currently very good friends with a 16 year old and I’m 46. Great kid as well. When we get going we spend hours chattering away.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Absolutely move if you want. 

I look at it from a business perspective. I want ice cream. Two people make ice cream. One only makes licorice flavored, even though he makes high quality licorice ice cream, I don't like it. The other makes a less creamy version of chocolate. I'm going with the chocolate. 

Meaning there are many factors to consider when choosing a trainer. It depends on how you want to spend your money, your horse time, and your goals.

Only once did I choose to stay with a coach who was outwardly mean to me. As an adult. She had skills I wanted. I remember her yelling in a group class "Boots! It's amazing you even manage to stay on a horse." And "If you're going to continue I need to build a penalty box!" But in games, she'd call me over and point to a reckless rider and tell me "Go do that cowboy stuff and don't let him/her kill any of the kids." She meant hazing and keeping the person away from the newer players. So, there was a tiny bit of respect. I did learn a lot from her and were still in touch.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

xxAnna said:


> Here's what I’m wondering: Is it okay for me to leave a barn and go to another? Since I’m paying out of pocket for lessons, I really want to make sure I’m able to be comfortable and be happy with where I end up but I’m basically worried about being looked down on for leaving or going to someone else who might be a better fit for me.


It's absolutely ok for you to go to a better fit barn/trainer. As long as you're paying for the lessons, and as long as the trainer you're using right now isn't teaching you anything (because if you're operating from a place of fear and anxiety you can't learn, just like a horse) then you OWE it to yourself to find a trainer who does. It totally doesn't matter what other people think. Some people thrive under that sort of oppositional type of coaching and it makes them try harder or try in spite of the coach. "I'll show him!". Others just shut down. You need to find the coach who fits your style of learning. I can learn under a coach who is an a$$ but I don't enjoy it, so I won't stay in such a situation. I don't need to be babied or have my hand held, but I DO want to feel respected for my attempts to learn and my efforts to catch on. I also need immediate feedback so, "Good, that's excellent, just like that. No, try your leg further back, hands softer, more forward. YES, that's it! Now round the circle more, it's more of an egg right now. Look in the mirror, see what your shoulders and upper back are doing. Good job!" and we always quit on a good note. Also, if something happen to trigger my PTSD and I need a moment to work through something, I need it. I don't need someone yelling, I just need peace and quiet and someone to allow me and the horse to work it out. Since I do ride with 12 year olds, it happens. They don't have a clue what they did just set me off and sometimes I don't know what they or their horses did to trigger me, it's not their fault, but the trainer has to recognize it, get me off to the side and give me a minute away from the kids. Once Patti & I have sorted each other out, we go back out and work it out and end on a good note. That kind of trainer is worth her/his weight in gold. They work with you, not against you. By all means, go out and find one of those.


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

Horsef said:


> One thing though - it is unlikely that you will find a riding school with majority adult beginners. It’s either beginner kids or advanced teens/adults (who usually compete). I was an adult beginner and I got used to riding with kids - they’re not half bad either.


FWIW my barn has a lot of adult beginners. I've ridden in kids' lessons, too. I have no problem riding with kids, as long as they are more or less on my skill level (low). The only thing about riding with kids is that they seem to progress so much faster, LOL.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

ACinATX said:


> FWIW my barn has a lot of adult beginners. I've ridden in kids' lessons, too. I have no problem riding with kids, as long as they are more or less on my skill level (low). The only thing about riding with kids is that they seem to progress so much faster, LOL.


Yes - that’s one annoying thing about riding with kids - they advance so much faster. One of the seven year olds I was friends with now has her own warmblood and competes at 1m. All me and my mare can do with a 1 meter jump is crawl under it.


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## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

QtrBel said:


> As long as you aren't one to barn hop and talk negatively about every place you leave then, no. Not all trainers and student combinations work. I'd advise doing as you've done and ask to observe a few lessons before committing.


I've always kept opinions to myself and still think each trainer is skilled and different in their own way  But yes I think I'm just going to go and see a few lessons without any commitment until I've found one that works for me.


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## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

Horsef said:


> Absolutely, it is perfectly normal to switch schools and even come back to your old school. Trainers generally expect this to happen because everyone does it.
> 
> One thing though - it is unlikely that you will find a riding school with majority adult beginners. It’s either beginner kids or advanced teens/adults (who usually compete). I was an adult beginner and I got used to riding with kids - they’re not half bad either. I even made friends with some of them. I was great friends with two seven year olds (at different times). We would chat about horses for hours, go trail riding - all sorts of things. And I don’t even like kids all that much. I am currently very good friends with a 16 year old and I’m 46. Great kid as well. When we get going we spend hours chattering away.


Aww, well that makes me feel a lot better about going to a barn that has a mojority of kids riding! They do tend to progress faster from what I've seen lol but this definitely was something I needed to hear thank you!


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## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

Wow, I was not expecting so many responses, thank you! This definitely helped in terms of making a decision and not feeling horrible that I might have to find someone else who is a better fit. 

I hear y'all about the majority kids riders as well- I actually never thought of it that way- but it makes sense so I'm thinking I can possibly give it a chance. They do tend to progress faster though lol 

I really appreciate all the input! I think I will just take a second to really visit the barns I have as options, talk to the trainers and see which of the couple options work well with me before choosing to commit. After all, I do want a barn that I can stay at and grow in.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

Then you my friend are ahead of the game. It takes some too many years to learn that lesson in life.


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## Sstewart4 (7 mo ago)

I'd say you do whats best for yourself and only you know that, I like the analogy of "theres two people who make ice cream, only one makes the kind you want but the other is better quality" I'd say if jumping is what your looking for, then try and find a jumping barn. Or you could talk to your current barn owner I don't know her but she might be willing to let you singly use the arena for a few hours a day/week and you could bring your own jumps that you could store of to the side and stuff, and just set them up and take them down when your done. I don't know if thats something your trainer/ b,o would be wiling to do?


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## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

Sstewart4 said:


> I'd say you do whats best for yourself and only you know that, I like the analogy of "theres two people who make ice cream, only one makes the kind you want but the other is better quality" I'd say if jumping is what your looking for, then try and find a jumping barn. Or you could talk to your current barn owner I don't know her but she might be willing to let you singly use the arena for a few hours a day/week and you could bring your own jumps that you could store of to the side and stuff, and just set them up and take them down when your done. I don't know if thats something your trainer/ b,o would be wiling to do?


I wish I could but I don't own my own jumps or anything like that. At least not yet lol maybe down the line one day. The new trainer that I tried out was a jump trainer but unfortunately our personalities didn't mesh well together- as mentioned she's very football coach type and I'm not the most receptive to that because I'm already a more timid/anxious rider so I just end up shutting down. I basically don't want to end up in a position where I dread going riding because that isn't why I started this sport to begin with. I just love horses and want to learn to ride for myself so I'm thinking the best course of action would probably be to just go and visit the couple other barns in my area and see which one I like more (without taking lessons yet) I loved the analogy too! Very well put.


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## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

Dreamcatcher Arabians said:


> I also need immediate feedback so, "Good, that's excellent, just like that. No, try your leg further back, hands softer, more forward. YES, that's it! Now round the circle more, it's more of an egg right now. Look in the mirror, see what your shoulders and upper back are doing. Good job!"


omg YES. This is EXACTLY the type of feedback I also need! This type of response from a trainer absoloutely works for me as well.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

@xxAnna For what it’s worth - making your own cavaletti is cheap and easy. I bought the materials and had a carpenter make me 10 for around 250 EUR. Mind you this was three years ago. You can stack them up and that’s plenty of height for someone just learning to jump. Just keep that in mind for future.


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## Sstewart4 (7 mo ago)

xxAnna said:


> I wish I could but I don't own my own jumps or anything like that. At least not yet lol maybe down the line one day. The new trainer that I tried out was a jump trainer but unfortunately our personalities didn't mesh well together- as mentioned she's very football coach type and I'm not the most receptive to that because I'm already a more timid/anxious rider so I just end up shutting down. I basically don't want to end up in a position where I dread going riding because that isn't why I started this sport to begin with. I just love horses and want to learn to ride for myself so I'm thinking the best course of action would probably be to just go and visit the couple other barns in my area and see which one I like more (without taking lessons yet) I loved the analogy too! Very well put.


lol don't we all wish we had jumps , Definitely go around and find a trainer who works for you, the first trainer I had turned out to work very well for me, shes loud and yells but also gives a lot of positive reinforcement, which is what works best for me. good luck on your search hopefully you find the right trainer!


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## xxAnna (7 mo ago)

Horsef said:


> @xxAnna For what it’s worth - making your own cavaletti is cheap and easy. I bought the materials and had a carpenter make me 10 for around 250 EUR. Mind you this was three years ago. You can stack them up and that’s plenty of height for someone just learning to jump. Just keep that in mind for future.


That actually sounds like it might be a super fun project to keep in mind lol I'll have to look into that.


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