# Amateur independence? When you can’t find a coach…



## Back_inthe_Tack (9 mo ago)

Hi everyone,

ive been watching these forums forever but now I have a question I haven’t really found the answer to so decided to join in the discussion.

I want to talk about coaches and how no matter what coach I’ve landed with it’s always their way or the high way with no discussion around the rationale or freedom to try something you think might work also. Yes I understand we pay them for their opinion but anyone else find coaches treat you like you know nothing?

Here is my history: I grew up around horses. I took weekly lessons on schoolies but I also helped this couple with their barn chores and caring for their rescued Arabians. They were barely broke and I would ride them occasionally. I also rode their donkey. One horse in particular was terrified of people and she was 2 years old. Her halter was too tight cause no one could get near her to loosen it. Eventually I was able to gain her trust and do so. I stopped riding as a teen due to moving to the city. Started again at 22 mostly western trail for many hours a week. Eventually I was riding someone’s very naughty horse for them (she would rear buck and kick) and ended up dislocating my hip when she rolled in a river while I was on her back. Took 5 years off and then returned to my childhood aspirations of jumping. I’m not a strong jumper. My position is awful. I lost my confidence at one point and it was a big battle. I made it up to competing at 2’9. I was with the same coach for many years. I had issues like how I wanted to treat my horse’s spookiness. She also avoided contact and wanted to change the bit. And the response was always a facial expression of what a stupid idea my ideas were. It all came to a head when my horse was refusing to jump and I was told she was being naughty and I had to smack her and gallop faster. I kept saying there’s something wrong she’s stressed about something and I was told I don’t know horses like my coach and I’m letting her get away with bad behaviour. After the lesson she was drenched in sweat and I noticed the saddle pad had been pinching her (it was a new thicker pad my coach insisted I should try).

I moved away to a private barn and spent covid times doing a variety of things like dressage, trail rides, changing my bits. My horse stopped being spooky, started going on the bit and being round and engaged. I decided to sit in a fuller seat rather than a two point and our jumping improved. I started hauling in to a different coach for jumping lessons.

now I’m looking for another horse (mine passed away). And I’m having similar experiences with this new coach. There’s things I just wholeheartedly disagree with (like riding a young OTTB in a running gag with a standing martingale or sharing grooming supplies amongst all the horses when a lot of them have mud fever). The amount of gadgets like gags and Pelhams and martingales that every horse there gets is insane to me. I tried a horse to lease that had clearly learned some dangerous habits (kicking at me and rearing while lunging) and when I said I wasn’t wanting to deal with them it was essentially suggested that I’m not a strong enough rider and it was me not the horse. That this is as nice of a TB as you can get (I told her I was looking for a TB). Yes it’s probably as nice of a TB as you can get when you stick him in a turnout they can’t run in, and then strap a gag in their mouth when you ride for the first time in several days. I once saw that coach addressing a bedsore using Cavi wipes and advised her that those were not meant for skin (I’m a nurse and occupational health tells us to never touch those with our bare hands). She rolled her eyes like I didn’t know what I was takiing

it just seems like there’s no respect because I don’t jump high or particularly well. But my 25 years of being around horses is not worth anything.
And then I think am I just being cocky? I mean these are pros after all, and these coaches do produce successful competitive riders.
But the thing is…. I’m already driving an hour to get to coaches…. So I’m running out of options.
Anyone else have these types of experiences? When you can’t find a coach that you feel respects you or one where you respect all their practices… what do you do? Do you become independent? And how?


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## Knave (Dec 16, 2015)

I live in a world different than yours. The English discipline seems to focus a lot on lessons and coaches.

The way we do things, is have your own horse and ride him/her how you please. If you want to show, great, show. You don’t need permission. Then, if you are struggling with something or want a step up, you pay for a lesson from someone you think is good. If you like them, you might even go twice a month. You work on things how you want, and they give you some tricks they think might help you out.

It is foreign to me, all of the rules and lack of personal choice and responsibility that is in that culture. Many trainers in my opinion, who take on too many clients, start using run arounds to get somewhere faster. I’m not saying it doesn’t work for them, but it seems that in the culture of lessons that it is the same issue. Too many clients, and a feeling of superiority that goes along with blind acceptance…

Maybe, if you are frustrated, take some time on your own. Find a horse you get along with and buy him, and see what you can do left to your own devices. If you need some help, get it, but maybe don’t go all in with a coach. Find someone to give you some tips, and work on them on your own. Then you can alter your riding to what works for you. You can take advice if YOU agree with it, and always listen, but leave behind what you don’t agree with.


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## Back_inthe_Tack (9 mo ago)

That’s a good point. When I was riding predominately western and with competitive trail riders and my horse reared and spun while I was bareback the feedback was all positive about how amazing it was I didn’t come off. People tended to not criticize each other unless it was solicited. If you found an unconventional way of doing things and it worked the response was cool I should try that.

Most jumping coaches say you need to take 2 lessons per week if you want your riding to improve. Today I’m doing a PPE on a horse that I think is a special diamond in the rough. An out of work OTTB mare with amazing bloodlines and personality. She’s only 15.2 and the feedback would be she’s too small for me as a jumper (I’m 5’9). But my leg fits and I feel more comfortable on smaller horses but certainly not on trend….

I do plan to leave myself to my own devices for the most part. Not sure how to teach myself to improve my jumping? I thought about investing in a pixio or something to the like so I can film myself and analyze what im doing wrong. I actually think some of the most helpful advice about problems im having has come from this or other forums and not coaches.


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## Knave (Dec 16, 2015)

I have a hard time with that concept. Why wouldn’t you improve on your own?

I showed a cowhorse mare in the all around. Decided I’d jump her for another class, and she won the class. She was little and athletic, and it never occurred to me that I would consider lessons. Lol. Jumping seems pretty self explanatory in my head. I had jumped another cowhorse once prior for an all around and won it too.

Now, if a problem arose, and I did want to focus on jumping, sure, I would definitely go for advice on what I was doing wrong. I would know I was doing something wrong if I was coming up against a struggle. I feel like in that culture of lessons one does not get a chance to see what they themselves can do. You, theoretically, should be more capable of bringing up a horse that you ride consistently and know in and out, than some person who sees the horse on occasion and deals with a large number of people and horses.


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## dustyk (Nov 14, 2020)

Don't forget to follow the $$. People will sell you things you don't necessarily need and try to keep you coming back.
Put some faith in yourself and your experience. You sound plenty capable to me.and


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

If you aren't looking to show at the rated shows and are just wanting to do local level stuff then I would suggest stepping back to take lessons from a local barn rather than a show barn. A lot of those trainers are just as knowledgeable. You do have to be careful because sometimes you'll get someone that doesn't know much more than you do (they can be great for beginners but not for more advanced riders). If you are just wanting to learn to jump and be confident at it while doing it correctly, then move back to someone that's not in a rush to get you in the show ring.


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