# Afraid to ride for no logical reason



## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Have you ridden any other horse(s) in the time since your disaster ride with him? What I'm getting at is, is the fear truly specific to him or is it a generalized fear of riding all together?


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

themacpack said:


> Have you ridden any other horse(s) in the time since your disaster ride with him? What I'm getting at is, is the fear truly specific to him or is it a generalized fear of riding all together?


No I haven't ridden any of our horses. I work with them all, groom and do ground work, feed and all the other general care things... I'm fine as long as I"m on the ground... Just thinking about getting in the saddle gets my heart to racing!!! Even if it's my husbands dead broke QH.


----------



## Heelsdown (Jun 5, 2011)

Have you trail ridden him again? Or at least, has someone else rode him on the trail? I'd hate to think that he is thinking he's won the battle. Be a turd on the trail = getting out of work. 

Is there anyone at the stable where you bought him that can come out and work with you and him some more? I know personally, when the day comes I bring a horse home, I'm going to want a trainer coming to my place just making sure I'm doing everything right and not actually teaching my horse bad habits.

How old are you? If you search, you'll see a similar post from me a couple months back. I just turned 40. There is that distinct awareness the older we get that we CAN get hurt. Someone's got to pay the bills. We aren't kids and there isn't going to be anyone nursing us back to health all the while taking care of our responsibilities like when we were kids. 
I was actually thinking of giving up riding! That lasted for like a day, lol. Then I realized that my fears and apprehension weren't a bad thing. They were the responsible thing. It's the grown up thing to do. 

I can only speak personally, but I also switched back to western from english. I feel more secure and ride better in a western saddle. I also asked my trainer to not give me a tall horse. 15.2 is my limit. I don't care how sweet this horse is. Find me a short and sweet horse. The height of the big horses was also playing on my fear. Sure I can get hurt on a shorter horse. But I feel better being closer to the ground. 

Not saying this is what you need to do. But my point is, for me, sitting down and re-evaluating what exactly my fears were and taking steps to make them better keeps me riding. I don't push myself. 
I believe in working just outside of your comfort zone in order to achieve progress. And I mean JUST outside the zone. Not way the heck outside the zone to the point that you are shaky. This is supposed to be fun! 

Really think about what it is that is scaring you. If it's just horses in general, then take a short break from riding. Just do ground work. If this Perch is scaring you, then ask that stable if you could trade him for something else. No shame in that. This horse is 5. You can't spend the next 20 years being scared of your own horse. 

I think before selling him, you should 1) give it a few days and see if that fear wears off. It did for me. 2)try working with a good trainer. I'm all about getting that 3rd party in there. Don't tackle this alone!

Best of luck and keep us updated!


----------



## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Have you stopped and thought about what it is, specifically, you are afraid of having happen? Is it the fear of being unable to control them, the fear of falling, etc? If you close your eyes and visualize a ride (not the rides in your dream, but visualizing what you think the real ride would be like), what do you see happening?


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Heelsdown said:


> Have you trail ridden him again? Or at least, has someone else rode him on the trail? I'd hate to think that he is thinking he's won the battle. Be a turd on the trail = getting out of work.
> 
> Is there anyone at the stable where you bought him that can come out and work with you and him some more? I know personally, when the day comes I bring a horse home, I'm going to want a trainer coming to my place just making sure I'm doing everything right and not actually teaching my horse bad habits.
> 
> ...



You bring up some very good and interesting points. I do believe my age does play a factor in it all. I’m 44. Before getting my QH 4 yrs ago I had been out of riding 20 yrs. No he hasn’t been back on the trails but has been worked regularly in the pen and is ridden in the corral by others. I have talked to the people I got him from and they are more than willing to work with me with him. I even took him out there last weekend. And I never rode… sigh. Come spring I do plan on him going out there for a few weeks for a refresher course as well as getting some trail experience. He had only been worked in the arena up till our one and only trail ride. I don’t think he’d feel like he got away with anything because I did go thru the whole trail… 2 very long hours… did the round back to the trailer. Just never went out again. That was back in the first part of November. He has been worked and ridden in the corral since then. If it was just a fear of him, I’d think about a trade but I don’t want to ride any horse… well yes I do want to ride, I’m afraid to. Yes he is a big boy, but I actually felt safer on him because of his docile temperament and slow moving ways. While he was still at the barn where I got him we’d joke about how I’d fine the gas pedal on the trails that he would get left behind… come to realize it was the breaks I needed!! I thought too that if I gave it some time I’d get over it and would be fine. But I haven’t. I did get on him last weekend for all of maybe 5 min. one turn around the corral and I got off. My heart was racing so bad I thought I would pass out. Got off and after catching my breath worked with him on the ground, all was fine.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

themacpack said:


> Have you stopped and thought about what it is, specifically, you are afraid of having happen? Is it the fear of being unable to control them, the fear of falling, etc? If you close your eyes and visualize a ride (not the rides in your dream, but visualizing what you think the real ride would be like), what do you see happening?


I think my greatest fear is not being able to control him and ending up getting hurt or him getting hurt. I know I could have gotten hurt that day but I didn't. I can visualize riding him on a warm summer days just as clear as if it was happening and I love the thought. I'll get myself all geeked up to go out and ride him, saddle him up and not even get in the saddle. It's very frustrating and sad... it really hurts me to feel this way.


----------



## SweetTea1925 (Mar 30, 2011)

Hang in there. I feel your pain. I went on a trail ride about 2 months ago and during the ride I had some scary things happen like my horse doing a serious nose dive at a trot(without actually falling). Banged my knee against a tree and on a heavily grooved part of the trail my horse kind of bunny hoped in and out of the groove while moving between a choppy trot and a canter. Anyway, I stayed on but when it was all over my brain went into overdrive thinking about all the what if!!!
I tried to think of the fact that I stayed in the saddle as a positive, but the thought of going back out on the trail is really scary to me. Plus the ladies I ride with are pretty fearless so it's also a blow to my "cowgirl" pride to think that im too scared to canter or even trot on the trails. 
Anyway my solution has been to take it slow. I did a mini trail ride by myself and did fine but I only trotted a little, mostly walked. I've also been riding in the arena where I feel safe. There is something about the uneven terrain, rocks and trees that scares me about falling on the trails. My horse is pretty darn good so no worries about his manners. I've decided I'm not going to push myself, and I'm also going to try my hardest to overcome the fear of "what if". I don't know if my story helps, but sometimes it's nice to know others share your fears
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

SweetTea1925 said:


> Hang in there. I feel your pain. I went on a trail ride about 2 months ago and during the ride I had some scary things happen like my horse doing a serious nose dive at a trot(without actually falling). Banged my knee against a tree and on a heavily grooved part of the trail my horse kind of bunny hoped in and out of the groove while moving between a choppy trot and a canter. Anyway, I stayed on but when it was all over my brain went into overdrive thinking about all the what if!!!
> I tried to think of the fact that I stayed in the saddle as a positive, but the thought of going back out on the trail is really scary to me. Plus the ladies I ride with are pretty fearless so it's also a blow to my "cowgirl" pride to think that im too scared to canter or even trot on the trails.
> Anyway my solution has been to take it slow. I did a mini trail ride by myself and did fine but I only trotted a little, mostly walked. I've also been riding in the arena where I feel safe. There is something about the uneven terrain, rocks and trees that scares me about falling on the trails. My horse is pretty darn good so no worries about his manners. I've decided I'm not going to push myself, and I'm also going to try my hardest to overcome the fear of "what if". I don't know if my story helps, but sometimes it's nice to know others share your fears
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sometimes just hearing others feel that way helps a lot! I have those fearless riding friends as well and it hits my esteem a double whammy now. they did compliment me for cowgirling up on such a difficult ride but still now wonder why I've not gone back out.

yes I need to give myself a chance but at the same time I know I need to be pushed... a bit... if not I'll find every excuse in the world NOT to do it. The "what if" fears are terrible because though alot can happen, I can't live on what ifs. Thanks so much for sharing your story... it does help!!


----------



## loveduffy (Dec 22, 2011)

move at your own pace, do not let anybody tell you are ready until you feel you are, take small rides just around your area them work your way up we all go through this one time or other( 54yrs) and ride a Belgium


----------



## Eolith (Sep 30, 2007)

Clearly, there IS a logical reason for your reluctance to get back on your horse given that the last time you rode you felt threatened. You know what they say though, get back in the saddle immediately ASAP after a fall or a scare (given that you haven't been badly hurt). I certainly don't think that you should throw caution to the wind, but it's easy to blow things up into huge concerns the longer you worry about it. I think that you should get on A horse as soon as you can. You mentioned your husband's dead broke QH... get him out and see if you can just go for a mosey in a secure area (pasture, arena).

Part of your fears may be helped by taking a few lessons with someone who can review safety maneuvers such as the one rein stop with you. With something like the one rein stop in your arsenal, you may be less likely to feel as though you are at risk of losing all control.

Most importantly, DON'T resent yourself or tell yourself that you're being stupid when you feel that fear building up. It's perfectly natural to be nervous, but rather than feeling like you need to shove that fear away, try to accept it. Accept the fact that you are fearful, and work proactively towards resolving it. Stay as positive as possible... it won't help anything if you're beating up on yourself!


----------



## dee (Jul 30, 2009)

^^this^^

A few lessons may be the answer - especially if you can use your own horse and get tips on controlling him. I feel your pain - I was horseless for 20+ years before getting back into horses again - and I am no longer young (AARP, here I come!). I am also an extremely heavy person. I had a lot of fears - I didn't want to hurt the horse because I'm too heavy, and when I finally climbed on one of my horses, I realized that my fear of heights also played a roll in my newfound fear of riding. 

The mare I rode last summer is/was a true gem - a diamond in the rough when I found her. Daughter's trainer had me bring my mare over for a short lesson/evaluation. The original plan was for the trainer to ride Dancer, but after lunging her for a few minutes and realizing that Dancer was better trained than any of us had been led to believe, I was the first one to ride her in several years. That first ride was only a few minutes long, but with the help of the trainer, was a real confidence builder.


----------



## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

I completely agree with Eolith. 

You're psyching yourself out, and it's only going to get more and more scary when it shouldn't be at all. Relax, and maybe look into getting lessons from a trainer. They can professionally talk you through things and make sure you're alright mentally and emotionally. 

Best of luck  Everyone seems to go through a confidence dip once in a while.


----------



## tanya (Mar 30, 2011)

I can relate to you as well. I have never been affraid to ride our horses and now out of nowhere I am terrified. I have never fallen off, been thrown, ect, so I dont know what the deal is. I am ok going out there feeding, grooming, walking them does scare me a bit I guess im worried they will spook and bolt off. I hope you can over come your fears and I hope I can to but the thought of riding puts me in a panic.


----------



## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

tecara said:


> I’m at my wits end and hope that someone can offer me some advice on how to deal with the new fear I’ve developed.


I'm sorry if you've already mentioned this and I just missed it.... Are you using a shank/curb bit? If you're riding English, you might consider a western arrangement at least for trail riding. I only ride western but my wife has done both and has told me that she feels MUCH more secure and in-control on the trails when she's using her western gear.

Just a thought.... (For me, giving up the shank and curb strap would feel like taking the pads off my car's brakes!). ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oreos Girl (May 24, 2011)

I think all the above suggestions are great but fail to mention that it is just going to take time to get over these fears. You mentioned that you were on for 5 minutes and your heart raced. Keeping doing this (sitting for 5 minutes) until you feel calmer and then work to 5 minutes of riding in the pen. Don't rush this process but do push the boundaries forward. Each accomplishment will make you more confident again.


----------



## lauraetco (Sep 14, 2011)

Hey, I feel for you. What you are experiencing happens to a lot of people.

Baby steps!

Write out a list of ten items that scare you. List them in order from one to ten. One might be closing your eyes and visualizing yourself riding. Five might be sitting on your horse with someone holding the lead rope. Ten might be riding on the trails alone.

Practice relaxation exercises and then start at step one. If you feel anxiety, rank it out loud on a scale of one to ten. Do your relaxation exercise and then rank your anxiety again. You'll notice it won't stay at a 10 for long. When you're feeling comfortable, move to the next step.

If I remember correctly from school (I studied psychology), this exercise is called systematic desensitization and reprocessing and it's a great way to treat phobias.

Some other tips...

Watch other, confident people ride. Sometimes people can get over fears just by doing this. I was afraid of bees until I worked a summer job with a bunch of people who weren't bothered by them.

If you have them, look at videos and picture of you confidently riding.

It might also help to have someone else, who knows what they're doing, ride your horse on the trails. The more he goes out with a good rider who will make him listen, the more comfortable and cooperative he'll get.

Good luck!!!


----------



## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

There is no need for going to a western headstall and shank bit if you need a more aggressive bit and have an english bridle.

Not all snaffles are mild, some are quite severe. And a step up from there are Kimberwicks and Pelhams.

That said, a pulley rein will stop just about anything in a snaffle. Besides, this is rider training and confidence issue. Equipment isn't going to fix it.

OP, have you considered visiting a psychologist and discussing your fears? I also second taking lessons.


----------



## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

There is a reason why people say, "When you fall off get right back in the saddle."

I realize you did not FALL off, but all the same, your confidence is shaken. 

Have you considered saddling up, getting on and having your husband halter you around the pen/arena/driveway for a bit.

or, even just get on, reins in hand, and don't even walk. Up and off. Depending on your level of anxiety, that may be all you can handle before your tension shoots into the horse.

I'm 46. I took a stupid spill bareback off a Halflinger (not my horse) 2 weeks ago and totally sprained and bruised my leg. I am just barely able to walk without a lurch. And it has made me CRAZY. I fell off that dang pony and after I walked it off a bit, my trainer put me back on that horrible wretched beast, sans saddle, and made me go around several times.

Probably a good thing or I wouldn't go next to the hairy hay burner today.

I have a 15h QH who behaved like a beast on the trails one cool drizzly morning. Loped up hills, slid down hills, a general brat. The entire time I thought this is it. I'm gonna buy it. He is going to fall and then smoosh me under him. I envisioned my mom crying over my casket cussing me out for buying a stupid horse.

:lol:

I know that fear you speak of. It's based on our age. 

Take baby steps. Have someone control the horse from the ground, but schedule time on the horse. Mon/Wed/Friday. Spend more time saddling than you do in the saddle, but at least get it on and get on it.

Everytime Sam loses his footing or stumbles or trips you can hear me gasp across the state of Missouri. But, as soon as he takes 4 more good ones I'm fine.

Good luck. think baby steps.


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

I understand your fear. I too had been out of horses for twenty years. I got back on a few leased horses last year and had a great time until I got badly thrown. Shook me up beyond belief. Very true that as you get older you become much more aware of the damage that can happen. When we were kids, who cared if you fell off, you got back on...big deal!

Now, I bought a very very sound calm grounded horse with no history of spooking. I forced myself to ride him in a few different situations before I bought him even though I was terrified to be on a trail with him. Nothing phases him.
You need to get on your husbands QH and ride him. Start in an arena or empty pasture. I found that having something enclosed helped me a lot. My BO keeps telling me I am on a different horse that threw me and one that always gets me home safe and never acts stupid when we are out. She is correct.

Get on a different horse, start slow. Only go out when the weather is good so it is one less thing to worry about. I would go out with just one other dependable horse too.

I am slowly getting comfortable on my horse and trusting that I will get home safe. 

Good luck!


----------



## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

Mellow Mel said:


> I understand your fear. I too had been out of horses for twenty years. I got back on a few leased horses last year and had a great time ....text removed....
> I am slowly getting comfortable on my horse and trusting that I will get home safe.
> 
> Good luck!


 
That's good advice! The big thing is to move forward, even if it's only in tiny steps. Keep moving forward and sooner or later you'll get where you want to be....

Hope things work out really well....


----------



## Eagle Child (Jan 19, 2012)

I understand, too...boy do I. 

I've had Journey for 2 years. Since then I've had a torn maniscus in my knee (right after I learned to lope her!), a broken ankle, and a really wonky neck from being rearended in my car. Every time I tell people I was hurt, they say, "Did you get hurt horseback riding?" All these naysayers. Sheesh! No! None of these accidents were caused by my horse! I did twist the knee while leading Journey, but thank God she was there. Boy did I lean hard on her trying to make it back to the office! 

To say I've been opposed since I got her is putting it mildly. Every time I've been injured I've lost a lot of my nerve. The worst has been actually this neck injury, because it's a reaggravating of spurring/stenosis issues I've had since I was a young chick. *sigh* 

Still, I press on. I ride her in the arena, around the meadows, up and down the road a little. I do lots of ground stuff with her, learning as I go kind of stuff. She's 16, but she's still new to me, and is smart enough to have tried to get away with minor stuff with this novice rider. She's very gentle and safe, it's me that's got the anxiety.

I have a few other great ladies at my barn--sweet and good friends--who are in their 40's and 50's, but none who are a right fit for me to trail ride with right now, which is disappointing. They all are a lot more experienced than me and want to go tearing through the woods and bounding over every log and gully. They sorta pressure me to be at their level and make me feel bad for my carefulness. 

I try not to let them get to me, but just enjoy the process of healing up and slowly coming back to riding more. I'm feeling pretty much healed up this winter. I plan, after having another MRI of my lovely neck, taking a few private lessons this spring. 

I'll tell you what I tell myself--I'm allowed to go at the speed I'm comfortable with. I will keep spending time with my horse and bonding with her and establishing myself as her leader. I won't let anyone else's pressure or expectations keep me from the joy I find in being Journey's person. Some day, maybe, I'll lope and gallop...I'll just take it one step at a time. 

Oh, my. I do go on. I love this forum. I'll be pulling for you. You're fortunate to have a hubby who rides and encourages you. :wink:


----------



## SweetTea1925 (Mar 30, 2011)

I wanted to add one other thing and it sounds silly but it works. When I get tense while riding, I make myself sing. Not loud just basically under my breath. it really works to calm your nerves.
I think I read about this in Sally Seift's book Centered Riding. The singing keeps you breathing properly and that calms you and the horse. My is very calm (19 yo Paint Gelding) but he doesn't like a high wind and we've had lots of windy days this fall and winter. 
Like I said in my first post I've been back on the trail once and been in the ring several times and I've used this and it worked!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

First I'd like to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU... to all who took the time to post... You have all given me some great ideas, suggestions and most of all encouragement. Thank you as well for sharing your stories and your fears. I felt so silly actually took me awhile to even post this for fear of being told how silly I was actually being. 

I have written down many of the suggestions and also started writing down my fears to try and evaluate what it is all about. I do feel that age is a huge part of it, being out of shape and out of practice doesn't help either. I am not giving up!!! When I got Mack I said he would be my forever horse and I plan on keeping my promise to not only him but myself. 

I loved the relaxation ideas especially the one about singing!!! Though my horse may wish I would stop heheheee... also the visualization techniques and breathing... actually all of them.

I will continue slowly, at my pace but moving forward none the less... again I thank you all so much.. please feel free to continue to share any suggestions you may have... I am and will always be open to learning more and more!!!


----------



## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

You have gotten many great ideas, and also-the best part-at least for me-was to realize that MANY, MANY others share the same thing! It almost seems like it must be a rite of passage as we age.:lol: I have come to the conclusion that we (I, at least) realized that I am afraid of heights-so I got a horse a little shorter. The ground gets harder as well get older also-anyone else nice that? AND, we just do NOT bounce off of it like we used to.

I have worked very hard and overcome most of my fears, and am proud of it. WHen you get through this you will look back and it is a real accomplishment.

One thing that helped me was gaining overall confidence in my ability to handle my horses-even on the ground. WE have done LOTs of ground work. I also found that Clinton Andersons DVD about regaining confidence is great. He has you ride in a round pen. Helped me lots, and I still prefer the security of the arena, but do enjoy trails, I am just more selective who I go with. I have dear friends who have helped, and are very patient.....you need to build your support network-sort of a squad of mutual cheerleaders.

Be patient with yourself.....allow yourself this transgression.:wink:


----------



## Eagle Child (Jan 19, 2012)

SweetTea1925 said:


> I wanted to add one other thing and it sounds silly but it works. When I get tense while riding, I make myself sing. Not loud just basically under my breath. it really works to calm your nerves.
> I think I read about this in Sally Seift's book Centered Riding. The singing keeps you breathing properly and that calms you and the horse. My is very calm (19 yo Paint Gelding) but he doesn't like a high wind and we've had lots of windy days this fall and winter.
> Like I said in my first post I've been back on the trail once and been in the ring several times and I've used this and it worked!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I sing, too, Sweet Tea! Journey loves it. Her ears always wiggle all around listening. Here's my theme song for the jog... I need the perfect one for the lope...the nice, easy lope. :shock: :lol:


----------



## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

I love riding with my iPod-but only in the ring.....


----------



## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

I wish I could do that! Maybe I should try.. that or bring a little stereo. I used to ride to music but the barn doesn't have anything hooked up. It seemed to calm us both down and give us something to think about.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

I just wanted to post a little update...

Thanks everyone for the suggesting and the words of support. I have kept working with him as well as working on myself... today was amazing. I rode him in the corral after riding my husbands horse a bit. Then when I was untacking him I decided to do something I haven't done in 25 yrs... I got on him bareback!!!! I don't think anyone has been on him bareback before because he was really wondering what I was doing lolol... but I took my time... leaned over him... when he relaxed and realized I wasn't going to hurt him, I got on... we just sat there awhile... It was so amazing!!!! I'm still grinning!!! What ever cause my fear seems to have taken a back seat to my love of my horse... At least we are on the right track again!!!


----------



## BaileyJo (Aug 23, 2011)

Honestly I have a twinge of fear every time driving to the barn that today could be a day that something happens. So no, you are definitely not alone. I think the older we get, the more these things come to us. I'm 44 too. I still try to compare myself to when I was younger and had no fear. Maybe I'm just smarter now and know my own limitations. 

I'm glad today was a break through day for you! Remember, believe in yourself, your abilities and your horse.


----------



## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Yay I'm so happy for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Alegria (Feb 11, 2011)

That must have been the most amazing feeling! I think we sometimes forget that your reaction to your nightmare hack in Sept is perfectly normal - when something bad happens to us, our protection and prevention system kicks in - FEAR.

You have had some excellent advice above, and some wonderful support which must count for an enormous lot. But in the end I tend to agree with Oreos girl - these things just take time. And the harder you try to speed things up, the more your mind feels that it has to protect you, and amplifies your fear. 

It is OK to be petrified,especially at our age. Just give yourself time and acknowledge your fear as a helpful emotion, and you will experience many more small miracles like the one that happened today.

In France we have a saying: _Chapeau!_ which means I lift my hat to you. Well done so far and please let us know how you get on.


----------



## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

tecara said:


> I just wanted to post a little update... What ever cause my fear seems to have taken a back seat to my love of my horse... At least we are on the right track again!!!


How absolutely wonderful!

As you mentioned, your relationship with your horse can be a wonderful/tremendous factor in all of this. For me, it's THE central part of it all.

Enjoy yesterday's success! More will come.... And remember, if setbacks occur, there will be another success on the way that will wash the setbacks away. I'm so glad y'all had such a good experience yesterday!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Thanks everyone for their support and words of encouragement.

At this point I have decided to re-home my big boy. He has so much potential and I just don't have what he needs to keep him working, learning and happy. It hasn't been an easy decision but I truly feel it is for the best. It is breaking my heart but I just can't seem to get over this enough to do what I need to do and I can't stand seeing him out in the field all the time while everyone else goes out to ride and now my husband won't ride because I won't and his great horse is going unused as well. They still get lots of love and attention but I feel they need more then that.


----------



## TrailxxRider (Feb 13, 2012)

I have had the same experience as you. I got a horse from a friend who wasn't being used. My friend had ridden her all over the place and she was a good horse, but they had too many horses to ride, and she wasnt getting the attention she needed. I soon realized I was out-horsed with her. I am a small person and not as pysically strong as my friend. Looking back I realized I let the mare get away with too much and lost her respect in me as a leader. She needed a confident rider to put her in her place when she got naughty. 

She would spook at dumb little things, and if I applied pressure to move her forward past what she was spooking at, she'd pin her ears at me and give me a good buck. If I tried to pull her head up to keep her from bucking she would rear. If you rode her away from the farm, at random points she would try to whip around and bolt home. Funny thing is when my friend rode her, the mare never spooked and was completely respectful. It was me that was the problem.

Fortunatly I never fell off, but my anxiety kept getting worse and worse, to the point where I dreaded riding. My growing fears fed my horses under-confidence and made her worse as well. My confidence as a rider was shot, and the lack of confidence between us was terrible. Finally I called it quits and realized that I wasn't ready for a horse like her. 

I just recently bought a 17 year old gelding who is dead broke and very mellow. I finally feel my confidence coming back little by little, and my anxiety is slowly going down, along with the help of an anti-anxiety medication my doctor put me on. I'm starting lesson with my gelding to help me build confidence in my riding skills again, as well as to build the respect between him and I that was missing between my mare and I. 

I feel you are doing the right thing by giving up your gelding. You've lost the confidence in him the same way I did, and it would only get worse. If you get another horse look for something thats proven its self in all situations, one that you can trust that will help eliminate your fears. 

Good luck and safe riding!


----------



## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Fear is a funny thing, if allowed it takes over all our senses and becomes the king of our mind not allowing for any rationality.
Taking it that you have grandchildren, you are in the same position as me - ageing faster than we would like and recognising that we do not bounce or react as fast as we once did!

Now, although the horse was awkward and an unpleasant ride, you managed to get back home on one piece. 
You said that he threatened to run off and was pulling against the bit.

So, what would have happened if instead of pulling against him you had kicked him in the guts and made him gallop along for longer than he wanted? I tell you what would have happened - he would have thought twice about doing it again. Heavy horses are not built for galloping!

I would also suggest that you put him in a ringed gag snaffle and use two reins, one so the bit acts as an ordinary snaffle and the other onto the running cheeks so that if he does try to run through the bit you have the leverage to get his head up.

No one can help you get over your fear, only you can do that. Face it. Take it on and kick it into touch.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Foxhunter said:


> So, what would have happened if instead of pulling against him you had kicked him in the guts and made him gallop along for longer than he wanted? I tell you what would have happened - he would have thought twice about doing it again. Heavy horses are not built for galloping!


When I got home that night I cursed because 20 yrs ago that is exactly what I would have done. Ran till he could run no more. I didn't feel I had the physical strength to do it now and had not really ridden in many years at that point except some pocking along thru the woods on my gelding I had trained a few years back. Yes getting old is a cruel thing. I did feel good about the fact I didn't come off... I really cow girled up as they would say... but OMG did I hurt... a week later I hurt!!! I don't feel like he won that day cuz I finished the trail and kept him somewhat in control. Was not a pleasent ride by no means... but I know it sure could have been worse!!!

I have been offered 30 days of training for both of us from a local trainer at an extremely reduced cost. I have not said yes or no yet. She will work with him then with us both. Says at the end of the 30 days will be honest with me about our future together. I guess at this point the question to myself is do I want to. If I do let Mac go, I'm done with horses period except caring for the ones that are here but I'm done riding. He was meant to be my forever horse.

Sorry if I sound emotional.. the whole thing and the decisions are very emotional for me.


----------



## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

Another angle is to look in trainers/riding instructors who specialize in building relationships and confidence with your horse. I had some fears when I first got Cinny, my first horse after 15 years of no horses or riding. She helped a lot. The trainer that worked with me is a lady in my area, Sherry Jarvis. She has clinics and also has horse retreats/camps at her place designed on building confidence and good relationships with your horse. She does wonders. It may be looking into for you to find someone like her.


----------



## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

tecara said:


> If I do let Mac go, I'm done with horses period except caring for the ones that are here but I'm done riding. He was meant to be my forever horse.


 
If that's the case, then PLEASE take the 30 days of training! Don't quit....

You'll thank us later...


----------



## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

tecara said:


> I have been offered 30 days of training for both of us from a local trainer at an extremely reduced cost. I have not said yes or no yet. She will work with him then with us both. Says at the end of the 30 days will be honest with me about our future together.


Do this. If you don't and quit now I think you will forever second guess yourself.

I started riding a year ago after 35 years since being on a horse. In that year I've fallen off at least six times and bucked off twice on the same day, had a severely sprained groin, a severely bruised lower back, and a separated shoulder. And yet I still I ride.

Dig deep, you will find the courage. And if you don't find it, at least you will never have to ask yourself "what if"?


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

So agree with Mildot!!! I think I saw a slogan that said "COURAGE IS BEING SCARED TO DEATH AND STILL SADDLING UP" 
I say that to myself everytime I go and get my tack. I had a bad throw, not on my horse. It really ****es me off that this horse that I did not even care if I rode or not shook my confidence so bad. Now it is my job to get it back up so I can enjoy this magnificent horse that has captured my heart!


----------



## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Wish you were nearer to NW MO, I would introduce you to Houdini, he is the kindest soul, and would make someone a great horse for trails. He's had WP training too. 

Anyway...one thing that I think is happening with many of us "older riders" is all the "oh, don't do that, wear a helmet, wear a protective vest, don't duck under horse's neck, don't stand behind your horse to work on tail, never ride alone" things we hear and read. I know that has taken a toll on me in some way.

And too, the older we get? The more we realize "Hey...I could be laid up for 4 months here!" instead of "oh, no biggie, went down 50 foot cliff, bouncing like a tennis ball, I'll get back on and finish the ride, then go roof the house and cook supper" like we would have done 20 years ago.

But what you are feeling is very real, and I hope you find a horse that is more chilled out.


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

Hey!!!! I did not realize you were so close to me!!!! You are about the next county over!!! I am in Oakland County. What city are you in? I saw an advertisement in Saddle Up for this trainer that works with confidence issues. She was at the Birch Run Expo two weeks ago. I can hunt her down if you are interested.


----------



## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

Mellow Mel said:


> I think I saw a slogan that said "COURAGE IS BEING SCARED TO DEATH AND STILL SADDLING UP"


Funny you should say that, this sign hangs on the tackroom wall where I board.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Mellow Mel said:


> Hey!!!! I did not realize you were so close to me!!!! You are about the next county over!!! I am in Oakland County. What city are you in? I saw an advertisement in Saddle Up for this trainer that works with confidence issues. She was at the Birch Run Expo two weeks ago. I can hunt her down if you are interested.


Hello neighbor!!!

We are in Genesee Twp... Just outside of Flint. If you do have the info handy I would gladly take it. I'm actually going to meet with a trainer Sunday. It does sound very promising but doesn't hurt to have more info or options available. I truly appreciate it. This group is so great. I'm so happy I posted my issues... its nice to know others care and are supportive and that I'm not alone.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

OH I love that quote!!!! I will have to post it someplace so I can always remember. Thanks to you all I am going to give me and Mac another try... Meeting with the trainer Sunday and see if its a good fit and will go from there. I can't say for sure I'm up to it... but at the same time I can't say I'm giving up either. One day at a time. In the mean time I'm going to continue to work with him and ride my husbands QH which will help me build confidence again. 

thank you all again... this is such a wonderful group with amazing people!!!


----------



## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

tecara said:


> OH I love that quote!!!! I will have to post it someplace so I can always remember. Thanks to you all I am going to give me and Mac another try... Meeting with the trainer Sunday and see if its a good fit and will go from there. I can't say for sure I'm up to it... but at the same time I can't say I'm giving up either.


 
I hope it all works out great! Whatever you do, don't give up.....

Honestly and truly: it's not how many times you fall, but how many times you get up! 

Many years from now, would you rather look back on the wonderful years you have shared with a dear four-legged companion/partner or would you rather look back on the years that passed after you gave up? The time that I get so spend with my dear Quarter Horse is special beyond my ability to express. I think I appreciate him even more due to the fact that I was away from horses for a long time. Truly, if I could go back in time and do it again, I would give up whatever I would have had to give up in order to keep the horse I had as a teenager....

Stick with it! And you are indeed not alone....


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

tecara said:


> Hello neighbor!!!
> 
> We are in Genesee Twp... Just outside of Flint. If you do have the info handy I would gladly take it. I'm actually going to meet with a trainer Sunday. It does sound very promising but doesn't hurt to have more info or options available. I truly appreciate it. This group is so great. I'm so happy I posted my issues... its nice to know others care and are supportive and that I'm not alone.


 
Who are you meeting with if you do not mind me asking? I am going to Vegas today but if I can find the info I will send before I go. There is a man who just moved to that area from the Burton area that works with people(he said most of his clients are 40 plus women who have lost their confidence). I will see if I can find his info too.
SO GLAD YOU ARE GIVING IT ANOTHER GO!!!! baby steps.....ride for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes etc....
That is what I have been doing. I am up to a half hour and only stop because we are both bored of the big arena.


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

hiddenpromisecampus.com


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Mellow Mel said:


> hiddenpromisecampus.com


Really interesting site and yes very local. But it is more about dealing with life issues using horses.. my horse is my issue lolol... thanks though some good information on the site for sure. Getting the news letter as well.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Mellow Mel said:


> Who are you meeting with if you do not mind me asking? I am going to Vegas today but if I can find the info I will send before I go. There is a man who just moved to that area from the Burton area that works with people(he said most of his clients are 40 plus women who have lost their confidence). I will see if I can find his info too.
> SO GLAD YOU ARE GIVING IT ANOTHER GO!!!! baby steps.....ride for 5 minutes, then 10 minutes etc....
> That is what I have been doing. I am up to a half hour and only stop because we are both bored of the big arena.


Shimmering Moon Farm Home

Her name is Leslie Cieplechowicz-Hofen. I am looking forward to meeting with her after exchanging many emails and reading up on their accomplishments I think she maybe able to help me with getting Mac to where I need him... and myself as well


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Mellow Mel said:


> hiddenpromisecampus.com


Actually I have had more of a chance to go over the site more and yes it does seem to be something that maybe of help for me and my confidence around my big boy. I have found their Facebook page as well as Facebook group... Thanks again for the info


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

I signed up for her weekly newsletter too. She is a bit farther for me but if I cannot get my confidence up to where it needs to be I will be contacting her as well!


----------



## TheLastUnicorn (Jun 11, 2010)

Others have said it... But it works... Go easy and just take things as they come... I went through something similar, and am now doing the same on the ground after having a boarder kick me (broke my wrist in two places, could have been worse, but it really rattled me for some reason.... Everytime I work with a horse I give myself a pep talk about how there is no point worrying about stuff because I will only manifest my fear in the horse!)

My "excuse" for being fearful was that every time I get hurt (regardless of how I did it) it is a MAJOR pain in the ***. It was making me unhappy to be using such an excuse though... Seemed wrong that I should let something silly like fear of doing something I have done most of my life take away from something I enjoy.

The first real "test" for me was getting up on my big Clyde mare for the first time in her life. I don't know how long she and I were "working" on the ground that day, but I had dragged a big garbage can out and was determined to get as far as having her Ok with someone above her.... Over the next few minutes I found myself hanging over her back with her looking at me like she was saying "Really? That the best you got?", I stood up again and told myself to pony up and swing a leg over... And did it. Sat up there clinging to her mane, eyes shut, waiting for the freak out, and.... Nothing. Opened my eyes and saw her looking back at me again "Was that so hard?" complete with a little head nod. It didn't seem SO bad, so I sat up a bit taller to signify I'd like to walk.... Walk we did, at the end of it all I felt about 10 feet tall (and that was AFTER I got off :lol: )

This is us that day... 









I won't say it was entirely that easy, I still have bouts of this new and frustrating fear (after 20 years of riding!) but still take the same route... Once I am comfortable it seems easy, even it means it takes me awhile to summon the courage... It always seems comical in hindsight, but there is nothing funny about fear. 

I find the trick is to identify the fear, then push it away... Different people have different approaches, I focus on it and then think of myself breathing it away on deep breaths.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Your girl is absolutely beautiful!!! I'm glad you worked thru that fear... It really depends on the day... some days I'm brave as can be and we do wonderful work together... on the ground... others... I can barely to the minimal work... sigh..it is very frustrating. I'm really hoping this new trainer will help us out in him being better trained and me finding back my confidence. The day I rode him bare back in the pen a few weeks ago I was on a cloud for the day... I need to have that feeling again and keep it!!! Thanks


----------



## TheLastUnicorn (Jun 11, 2010)

Hokey as it sounds, an animal communicator helped me reach this point with that mare. 

I had been training horses for over 5 years, riding about 10. I had the delusion I knew it all. THIS horse educated me... Without EVER so much as stepping on my toe. She had me stumped, mad and fearful (She's alot of horse, especially in full flight or tantrum mode)... And nothing I knew was helping, no advice from others either. 

I sat out there with her all day one day (she refused to be caught - I used to halterbreak wild horses for a living, so you can imagine the frustration, this 2 year old DRAFT horse had my number and she was calling) and figured we needed help... Of a connection kind. I called a lady who had come out once before for another horse, and she spent 4 hours with us (yeah.... ). Everything about how I saw this horse changed, and she viewed me differently too. She had simply found the little fears in me which I thought were gone, and made them larger than life. She is still teaching me to LET GO of fear, not just bury it. Once I do, she will do anything for me, I have only to ask. 

Sometimes it really is mind over matter and self reflection rather than training.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Just another quick update:

Today I went out for a 3 hour trail ride on my friend QH. It was amazing!!! I felt so much at home on her it was like I've ridden her 100 times!!! It definitely boosted my confidence. She said I could ride her anytime and I think I will take her up on that. She really wants to take my big boy out but I feel his first out needs to be with me again.. .or maybe I'm just being silly... But I definitely answered one of my questions... Yes I do still wanna ride!!! It's a feeling like no other!!!


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

That is great news!!!! Keep going !!!!!


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Had yet another great ride on my husbands horse while my friend took my big boy out on the trails for his first ride since the melt down. It went really well. Actually a lot less spooking then I thought would happen and NO MELT DOWN!!! A few days later another friend took him out without me but with 2 other horses and once again he did well. Curious but not spooky... Guess all the ground work and desensitizing did work!!! This weekend its MY turn!!!! Wish me luck!!!


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

good luck!!! we have had amazing trail riding weather!!!!


----------



## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

You have made great strides! So happy for you & glad your horse is doing well, too.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

WE DID IT!!!!

Went out for a 2 hour about 5 mile trail ride today!!! Me and the big boy did pretty good. A couple of little jigges but nothing I couldn't work through with him. The only thing that really seemed to scare him to death was a kid on a bike. Kid wouldn't slow down as he came at us and Mac really didn't like that and he danced around pretty good. I know we have a lot of work yet to do but today was a huge milestone in our adventure together!!!


----------



## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Awesome! 

My horses don't like kids on bikes either. So that is a pretty normal fear. 

Glad to hear you had a great ride!


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

trailhorserider said:


> Awesome!
> 
> My horses don't like kids on bikes either. So that is a pretty normal fear.
> 
> Glad to hear you had a great ride!



Thanks 

When I first got him I was warned that he hated motorcycles and would run the length of the field to try and catch it. I never thought he'd be like that with a regular bike lol.


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

that is fantastic!!! call out to the bike riders to talk to you...that might help when he knows they are people


----------



## chandra1313 (Jul 12, 2011)

Hi, I'm sorta the same way about trailriding out, my heart doesn't race or anything I just can't seem to relax and I start thinking of all the reasons not to ride that day. I finally just got a mare and she is doing so great, I have friends who took her out and my husband and they are all telling me she is a great ride. I'm pretty sure that what I'm afraid of is I don't ride well enough and its going to be just like it was with my gelding, with a confident rider he did awesome, and although I'd ridden him on trail rides and nothing went wrong, when I was at home and he spooked, I was able to pull of the one rein stop but lost my balance and decided to let gravity take control and not fight to stay in the saddle. It took probably 6 months for the ache in my shoulder to fade away and although I was proud of tucking in and not trying to break my fall and attempting the one rein stop, the aches and pain from it was a constant reminder of my age and mortality ;-)


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Well after much soul searching and tears I have let my Percheron go... It was not an easy decision but one that I truly feel was the best for both of us. He has gone to an amazing home where they are experienced with the big guys and he will get not only lots of love but lots of training. They plan on using him for events. Not sure which yet but will depend on his aptitude as they work with him. The woman is amazing and keeps in touch so I am very happy for him.

And I guess things happen for a reason... My dream horse basically feel into my lap... a foundation QH 15.2 golden Palomino!! Though I still have some anxiety, I have gotten out and ridden him a few times on short trails. We spend time doing ground work and bonding. I know I still have work to do on me, but now I have a horse that is better trained and more forgiving of my mistakes and he seems to know I'm nervous and takes care of me... so the adventure continues.

Thank you all for your support and encouragement... Was hard to see my Big Mac go... But he will be much happier I'm sure.


----------



## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

tecara said:


> Well after much soul searching and tears I have let my Percheron go....


OK, this is cool: while reading the first paragraph, I was thinking "you should consider getting a Quarter horse" and then, in the second paragraph, that's just what you did! 

Congratulations and I hope this is the beginning of a great relationship with your new companion!


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

Congrats on your new boy. It is so important for you to be comfortable. sounds like a win for you and a win for your big guy!!!


----------



## mypets (Mar 2, 2012)

Tecara, I'm so proud of you for trying so very hard and working on this! Like you, I'm struggling with riding issues due to a bad fall last year. I just recently got back on my QH mare Cody for a very short ride around my own place. Even though Cody wasn't the one who threw me(and she was so very good!) I'm still very nervous. I plan on taking some lessons to help me get over feeling so tense. It also helps tons to read threads like this and know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.


----------



## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

It sounds like a happy ending (or new beginning) all around.


----------



## tecara (Nov 28, 2011)

Thanks again everyone for your kind words and encouragement... This forum has been great and its nice to have people to talk to who understand and can relate to issues... I hate to say it but I have friends that just don't understand my fears and anxiety... So I tend to keep them to myself... Its nice to have a place to share all this...


----------

