# Barn Advice needed



## JJhalk (11 mo ago)

So a little preface. I deal with anxiety. Not around horses specifically but in general. 
At my barn we have 20+ lesson horses and commonly we are switched weekly on who we ride. But this makes me a nervous train wreck BC of the stuff I see these horses do (bite, buck, spook, run off, etc) which terrifies the living daylights out of me. I need a level of consistency and I’m not given that here I’m also self conscious around everyone there BC they can be kinda nasty sometimes it feels so I am in a constant state of nerves. Especially on my way there. 
I love my trainer but I don’t know how I should respond to this or what to do.Does anyone have advice?


----------



## Morgan.taylor (Sep 1, 2020)

maybe ask if you can lease a specific horse in order to ensure you are able to use that horse?

however i would be changing barns if i did not feel comfortable or it did not fit my needs


----------



## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Trainers and coaches usually have a reason for why they do things a certain way. It does not sound like this is a safe barn for someone who suffers from anxiety. You can ask whether they would be willing to let you ride the same horse for a while, to build your confidence, but they may say no.


----------



## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

You need to discuss this with your trainer. If you have anxiety about face to face conversations you'd be better off writing them an email or a text. They NEED to know because if they don't know, they can't accommodate you. I had/have (?) severe mounting anxiety. I mean I was fine once on the horse but the whole getting on was a big ordeal. Even in advanced lessons popping the odd jump my instructor would still come over and hold the horse for me to get on. It is good practice to ride a variety of horses and most instructors do want to switch things around. But in your case it isn't just having a favourite horse it is something that is impacting your ability to progress and feel comfortable. If you communicate this need and they still cannot help you then you tried everything and need to find a new barn. People will judge, I got plenty of sniggering around me when mounting or overcoming it with my newly bought mare who liked to trot before your leg was over  I also sometimes got full on applause 😅 just as bad at times... At my most recent yard there were a few nasty people who were aware of this anxiety and used to actually film me to try capture something dramatic - there never was. I had anxiety but it didn't mean I was stupid or incapable. One person would try make loud, sudden sounds or throw something in our direction just as I was stepping into the stirrup. I write this coz while this is extreme you're not alone and there are horrible people. But you do what you gotta do to improve yourself because we could be 6 feet under at any moment. Be safe, communicate and if it doesn't work, move.


----------



## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

*@Kalraii *I’ve seen my fair share of fighting between horse people but I’ve never seen someone be deliberately cruel just for fun. Those people are disgusting. Yuck!


----------



## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

I know exactly how you feel and once I switched to riding only one well behaved horse my anxiety went away and I was finally able to progress.

Yes, common wisdom is to ride as many different horses to learn. But for some people that doesn’t work due to anxiety and they give up. I am not going to the Olympics and I like riding only one horse - I am happy. And that’s all I want from horse riding. And my riding has improved immensely because I can finally learn rather than fight anxiety all the time.

As for people at your yard - if you don’t feel comfortable find a different yard. Or go for individual lessons if you suffer from social anxiety (it’s more expensive though).


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I'm not sure why so many lesson barns have a greater than average amount of snark and cliquish behavior. IT seems to be a great place for a 'mean girls club'. who would want to be a member of THAT club?

If you have the option to find a different place to take lessons, perhaps smaller and where you CAN stay with one horse to build confidence, I would go that route.

Riding shouldn't be non-stop terror.


----------



## Rainsong (Sep 29, 2009)

Kalraii, I am shocked and appalled that a horseperson would intentionally do something as dangerous as making loud noised or throwing things when you were mounting 🤬 I hope she was, at least, banned from being around your lessons (I think she should have been asked to leave the barn permanently)! What happened to not filming/recording people without their permission?
JJHalk, I am so sorry you are experiencing this....when I was young I was very self conscious, I can imagine how uncomfortable you must feel. 🥺 (not that it helps you now, but, one of the few benefits of getting older is you care a lot less what other people think or say....especially nasty, petty people)


----------



## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

JJhalk said:


> At my barn we have 20+ lesson horses and commonly we are switched weekly on who we ride. But this makes me a nervous train wreck BC of the stuff I see these horses do (bite, buck, spook, run off, etc) which terrifies the living daylights out of me.


It can be a good thing to ride multiple and different horses. It can make you a better rider having exposure to different horses.

But........ if this is a common thing for these lesson horses to bite, buck, run off, etc, I have a big problem with that. Yes, I understand that lesson horses can develop bad habits but that is the trainer's and the BO's job to keep the lesson horses SAFE and appropriate for those taking lessons.



JJhalk said:


> I’m also self conscious around everyone there BC they can be kinda nasty sometimes it feels so I am in a constant state of nerves.


The sooner you learn to NOT CARE about what others think, the better off you will be. Not just at the barn, but in life in general. It's such a waste of energy to even allow yourself to focus on people who are negative. If you cannot "let it go" then you need to seek counsel to learn how to do that. 

People are nasty for various reasons. Maybe they really are a nasty person. You can't change that. 
Maybe they are secretly jealous of something you have and they use "being nasty" as a way to cope with that. (So let yourself be proud of where you are, if someone else wishes they were you)
Etc. etc.



JJhalk said:


> I love my trainer but I don’t know how I should respond to this or what to do.Does anyone have advice?


You need to talk to your trainer. It is not helping your progress in your riding if you are scared of the horse you are riding. You need to be in a good state of mind so you can learn. So you need to talk to them so your trainer can mount you on an appropriate lesson horse.

if the trainer cannot do that, then find another barn. It's that simple. You are PAYING MONEY to enjoy yourself. You shouldn't be terrified.


----------



## MeditativeRider (Feb 5, 2019)

I get that riding different horses is a good thing, but I really don't think that riding a different horse every single week when you are still learning is a good thing. You have to get a certain level of learning done—on the same horse—before you can benefit from feeling the differences between different horses.

I have been a lesson rider since the start of 2017 and at most I would be changed on a horse every 3 months but more usually every 6 months. You need to actually spend some time with each horse to get to know them and then work out how to work with them, and work on honing those skills with that horse before you are changed.

If I had changed horse every single week, I think it would just make the learning process way longer and more confusing.

They also do not sound like great lesson horses from the behaviour you have described.

Also, 20 lesson horses is a lot. So that sounds like a huge lesson program and there are probably places that are smaller and would come with less stress.

Talk to your trainer about have more consistency on a horse that you do like, and if they can't work with that, then move on.


----------



## AnotherEquestrian (Dec 20, 2021)

If you aren't comfortable and can't find a way to be, move on. Often the best trainers don't advertise online, but by word-of-mouth. My trainer certainly doesn't!

I go to a barn where she only has maybe 5 lesson horses. The rest are actually boarders/her broodmares/yearlings. My lessons are completely private with just my instructor and maybe someone working (rarely). _If _I meet other riders, it's only because my lesson ends right before they come in. If you think that will fit you best, you might talk to farriers, vets, etc. People who will know trainers like that. You can find them almost anywhere.


----------



## Part-Boarder (Aug 17, 2019)

Maybe you could select 3 or 4 of the horses that you feel more comfortable with and try to request those. The barn may not be able to allocate only one horse to you but maybe this could help. 

Also it sounds like a big busy place with lots of students. Maybe a smaller barn would work better?

The coach is part of it but if the lesson horses are showing those behaviours and the other riders aren’t nice I would look elsewhere.


----------



## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

I think everyone here has some great advice for you and I just wanted to say that I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m coming to horses later in life, an adult beginner, I manage some anxiety, and I’ve had some very bad experiences. I’m now on my 5th barn in 2 years and I finally (!) think I’ve found a barn home. Check out my journal if you’re curious- it’s been a wild ride and not in a good way. 🙄

The wisdom I’ve earned from these experiences has made me a more confident and self-assured horseperson. Ultimately, you are paying (probably quite a lot) for a service and you have every right to expect a quality lesson from a quality trainer on a quality horse on every single ride. You should also expect that the atmosphere at the barn should be one of support and collegiality. These expectations should be the lowest bar and it was a huge shock to me that often this is just not the case, especially at large barns like the one you are describing.

My advice, like others, is to talk to your trainer if you think this place has redeeming qualities. From your description, I have my doubts. Otherwise, I’d be searching for a new place. My current barn ticks all those “basic expectation” boxes and more and at only 8 lessons in, I have progressed more than in months of work previous. Keep your heels low and your expectations high. 😉


----------



## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

JJhalk said:


> So a little preface. I deal with anxiety. Not around horses specifically but in general.
> At my barn we have 20+ lesson horses and commonly we are switched weekly on who we ride. But this makes me a nervous train wreck BC of the stuff I see these horses do (bite, buck, spook, run off, etc) which terrifies the living daylights out of me. I need a level of consistency and I’m not given that here I’m also self conscious around everyone there BC they can be kinda nasty sometimes it feels so I am in a constant state of nerves. Especially on my way there.
> I love my trainer but I don’t know how I should respond to this or what to do.Does anyone have advice?





Kalraii said:


> I had/have (?) severe mounting anxiety. I mean I was fine once on the horse but the whole getting on was a big ordeal. Even in advanced lessons popping the odd jump my instructor would still come over and hold the horse for me to get on.
> 
> One person would try make loud, sudden sounds or throw something in our direction just as I was stepping into the stirrup.


I think most beginner riders deal with a certain degree of anxiety, it's normal. There's all kinds of anxiety provoking stuff happening and most riders will worry about it. Will I fall off? Will he/she bolt? Is today going to be a high spook day? Will I look stupid? That's all bad enough without the "mean girls club" adding their 2 cents worth. I absolutely can't fathom an instructor allowing that kind of behavior. You are paying a LOT of good money to try to learn how to ride a horse, enjoy the interaction and to benefit from the therapeutic things that horses can do for you. Sounds to me, from your post, that you're not getting any of the good stuff. 

Yes, talk to your instructor. If you're like me, when you get anxious you clam up and go through the motions, waiting for the opportunity to finish and get out. That's not beneficial to you, in fact it's just the opposite. Add your lack of communication plus the nasties at the barn and it will equal you quitting riding because why pay for something you find about as fun as having teeth pulled without anesthesia? Ask if you can ride the same horse until you're comfortable. Even if you can only ride that horse 8 times out of 10, it will help. I used to HATE switching lesson horses. Fortunately, my trainer understood anxiety driven behaviors and would talk to me until he got what was bugging me out and he'd try to fix it. I didn't get to ride my preferred lesson horse every single time, but often enough that I could progress and not fall apart when I had to switch. 

As for bucking, bolting, spooking, that can happen with any horse. They are living, breathing, sentient beings who are prey animals. Their primary thought pattern is, "What shall I eat today? Will something eat me today?". Their thought processes are fairly simple. If they think they'll be eaten, they get out of the area. If the predator on their back (you) is anxious and afraid they think, "Hmmmm, if the predator is scared, I need to be terrified and RUN!". 

Biting & kicking are a whole 'nuther story and should never be allowed, I don't care whose horse it is. That's something the trainer and BO need to work on with that horse, way above your pay grade. 

@Kalraii, I totally understand mounting anxiety and, to a slightly lesser degree, dismounting anxiety. Those are your 2 most vulnerable moments when dealing with horses. A horse just has to stand like a rock when being mounted. I've always told the guy who does my colt starting, "I don't care if the whole Blue Angels stunt team flies between their legs, they have got to stand and not move when being mounted.". As I've gotten older, I've become even more adamant about it. The thought that anyone at a lesson barn would tolerate someone throwing things at horse/rider mounting up, making unexpected loud noises, just blows my mind. That's beyond extreme and any trainer I've ever had would have put a stop to it, permanently and quickly. Unbelievable. 

Something my mother said when I was a teenager helped me immensely to deal with my people anxiety. She said, "You worry about what all those people are thinking when you enter a room (mount a horse). Most of them are thinking the same things you are and you are probably not on their radar.". Obviously doesn't apply if someone is trying to make your horse do something dangerous and dramatic, but for most situations, it's probably truer than we know. I would engage in a little self talk, "They are more anxious/worried than you are. You can do this.". I practiced walking into a room like I owned it, same thing at the barn. It helped. It won't help against someone truly ugly, but if you're quiet and walk in like you own the place, they'll be more worried about what you might be up to, rather than poking fun of you for various reasons. 

If you can't feel safe at this barn, find another one with a less competitive/ugly bunch of people and a better class of horses. Give your trainer a chance to fix things first, if she can't or won't, then it's not the right barn for you.


----------



## PinkPrancer (Nov 10, 2020)

Why are so many of the lesson horses exhibiting such dangerous behaviors? That in itself is a major red flag to me, and already encourages me to suggest you seek out a different barn. Added in the fact that basic respect and sportsmanship doesn't seem important to anyone else is another nail in the coffin. You deserve to feel safe and respected wherever you choose to ride, and while riding can definitely be scary or stressful, there's no need to amp it up with dangerous horses or cruel people.


----------

