# Lakota - my baby



## Lakotababii

I am more than sorry to inform the forum that I lost my baby, my only horse today. After a short brief stay at the University of Illinois, I made the decision to put my girl down. Even now I am just balling. Here is the story. I apologize in advance as I know this will be a novel. 

The story starts way back when I was 15. Now it was only 5 years ago, but youll understand why I say way back in just a little while. 

From the ages of 14-15 I was sexually abused by my grandfather. Said grandfather owned my horse, Buddy, who was my first horse. Needless to say, I lost him over the whole ordeal. 

In comes Lakota.

My father bought the cutest little black filly for me. Her name was Lakota's Little Zip. Registered paint filly, 7 months old. She was my therapy for the long road I had ahead of me. Anytime I needed to cry, hurt, grieve, I would go see Lakota. I would work with her and throughout the years trained both her and trained myself to deal with grief, stress, and hurt. Lakota was really the manifestation of how somehting so terrible, like the abuse I endured, can produce something so beautiful. She was that product. She was an amazing mare, smart and athletic, not to mention downright beautiful. She knew how to cheer me up and gave me something to channel all my frustration and hurt out on, and turn it into trust and understanding. Throughout my training her, she gave me something to distract my mind with, and something to be proud of. 

That said, I came to a point with Lakota where I knew that I would need help training her. So 4 weeks ago I transported her down to college with me and put her into training at a barn. She was doing SUPER well and I was going to be able to ride her on friday (3/25)!! I was so happy.

Well I was cleaning stalls at the barn (to help pay off the training) and I had finished up around 545 or so. I then drove back to my dorm (bout 30 minutes drive) and ate dinner with my fiance. About 645 the trainer calls me. She said Lakota hurt herself something fierce. She had hurt herself 2 weeks earlier (minor cuts on her legs) that had taken her out of training to be on rest, but I didn't know how bad it was. 

I got there to find my horse in shock, bleeding extensively. She had a huge gash cutting into her foot. The vet recommended we bring her to University of Illinois Vet Hospital so we decided to do that. The vet told me the prognosis was not good. We left around 8 pm. 

I arrived at U of I. We got my horse out of the trailer (hobbling on 3 legs) and into the pre-surgery room. The vet there took a look at the foot and told me he hadn't seen something this bad before. At this point, I've already been balling for about 2 hours. It was about 1045 at this point. 

The senior resident of the vet hospital came in to see if he could operate and save my baby. He told me it was sketchy, and that he didn't think it would help. I was devastated, this mare helped me though so much, I didn't want to give up on her. The vet said he'd put her under gen anesthesia and take a better look at the damage. He'd let me know how it looked. I said goodbye to Lakota at around midnight, knowing this may be my last chance to say goodbye. 

I was right. 

The vet came in and showed me just how extensive the damage to the hoof was. It cut all the tendons, soft tissue, ligaments and the joint. Her coffin bone had no supprt, there was no way she'd ever walk again. And you know what they say "no hoof, no horse"

I made the decision to put her down at 12:52 on 3/24/2011. I know I did the best I could for her. It just all happened so fast. At 545 she was fine, I had said goodbye for the day. At about 1 AM, I said goodbye forever. I am heartbroken. 

So I ask that you please pray for me. I know God does things for a reason, and I know that horse was a God-send when I needed her. She did her job and she did it well. I just miss her so much already.


----------



## cakemom

You poor baby. I don't mean that half heartedly either, I feel so bad for you. I'm glad you had your baby, and she had you....and know that I am indeed praying for you. God love you girl, cry all you need....it's very healing


----------



## tinyliny

I am tearing up too. Just too, too sad. It isn't fair, not at all.
You have certainly grown up fast. I am so sorry about your loss. Cry all you need to.


----------



## drafts4ever

Big hugs from over here! Nobody should ever have to go through that. I'm so sorry!


----------



## PintoTess

I am so sorry to hear that.  

R.I.P Lakota


----------



## mooney

Know what your going through, just put down my girl too. You did the right thing.


----------



## TamaraB

So sorry for your loss. I will pray for you.


----------



## jdw

I am crying too........You poor little thing. She gave you so much, but so did you. She was SO LOVED and she knew it! These words dont console; I will be praying too. Some people go their entire lives not knowing this kind of love and trust. She will be in your heart forever. Did you ever find out exactly what happened? 

*"To place your horse's need for you to let him leave his failing body above your need to keep him with you - that - is the greatest and purest love." ~Cynthia Garrett*

*check out: *
*www.http://www.hoofbeat-in-heaven.comhttp://www.hoofbeat-in-heaven.com**hoofbeat-in-heaven.com*


----------



## Lakotababii

No, I am still unsure about what happened to her. I think maybe another mare? She had a hoofprint kick mark on her bum, so thats a possibility. I dont think the mare did the main injury, I think that was maybe a wire or something? Im not sure. All I know it that it was awful, you could (sorry if this is graphic) literally peel the foot open and look on the inside. It was only held on by the sole of her hoof on the bottom. The vet showed me pics from when she was in surgery. That's why I knew I had to let her go, I couldn't ask her to deal with that kind of pain anymore. Plus there was so much blood. Just pouring out. So I did the best I could and said goodbye.


----------



## Lakotababii

mooney said:


> Know what your going through, just put down my girl too. You did the right thing.


I am so sorry for your loss. I will definitely be sending prayers and hugs your way.


----------



## glitterhorse

I'll bet Lakota is looking down at you right now from horse heaven. I hope she's galloping away with Winnie, the mare I lost a while back. My heart goes out to you and you are in my prayers. Remember to cherish and never forget the beautiful moments you had with Lakota.


----------



## QuarterhorseRider

Always remember her. She will always be with you. She is watching down on you, galloping in her endless green pasture. Playing with other horses that are there too. One day you will join her, but she will always be with you, and remember, she is happy now.


----------



## Adareous

just read your post. I'm so very sorry that happened to you and your lovely mare. I've lost quiet a few in my life. None have been easy. But there has always been another door that opened when one closed. Not that I don't miss or grieve for what i lost. I have just learned that some things are not meant to be. There will be another horse that will come into your life. Keep your mind open and use your intuition when it does.


----------



## RedTree

I am so sorry for your loss, that relationship you had with Lakota must of been truely special made me cry.
RIP Lakota


----------



## Prayingcowgirl

I am so sorry. I know what's it's like to have to suddenly put down a horse. You did the right thing, but i know it still hurts badly. 
I'll be praying for you.


----------



## AppyLuva

The pain you felt when made the decision to put her down will always leave a mark in your heart, but you must understand that you did the right thing for your beautiful filly. It hurts when your best friend is taken from you and I'm so very sorry that you had to go through it. I'll have my friend's church pray for you and your loss. (I don't believe in God)


----------



## Magaidh

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I had to put down my 3-year-old gelding after a freak spinal chord injury two years ago. It hurts for a long time, but always remember that you made the best decision that you could in such terrible circumstances. There's nothing you could have done to prevent something like this. You loved your girl and you took the best possible care of her right up to the last moments of her life. <3


----------



## skyhorse1999

thats awful i have had to say goodbye to my best friend, horse soulmate, but he was just sold. 4 months later i still cry and he didnt even die! i feel so bad for you, many prayers


----------



## writer23

I'm really sorry for your loss. They leave a hole in the heart for sure. I've lost one horse in my lifetime and hate that I'll have to go through it again in the future with my other guy eventually. Sometimes life is no fun. Thinking of you.


----------



## HorseLovinLady

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too have a Lakota that's very dear to me, i'd be heartbroken if something happened to her. Many ((((((Hugs))))))))


----------



## Samstead

a little girl in heaven needed a horse, and Lakota is making her very happy. You'll see him again. I am so sorry for your loss, I'm choking back tears writing this. You're definatly in my prayers, hun.


----------



## maddyjazzylove

Im sorry for your loss.


----------



## horse are my life

Wow it must of been horrible to go though what you did and I know how it feels when you loose a horse it feels like you have lost everything they are not just horses they are our best friends rip lokota
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

