# How to politely tell some one they can't ride your horse?



## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

Just tell her, no, this is an expensive horse that I don't let others ride, sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

Tell her like it is.

I don't let anyone ride Selena unless it's someone I know and trust (My Mom or my trainer) or my cousin, but she's six and only wants to walk around.

My friend wanted to run Selena in poles and I thought, okay, let her try.

After a ride or two it became obvious she was not going to be able to handle her. It was a mess, she was going to undo the work I had done with my horse, I told her Selena was too much for her and I would prefer she not run her.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Write out a huge great disclaimer, absolving you if any responsibility in the event of your horse bucking, rearing, running off etc etc etc.

Then add a few clauses about how you can reclaim money from her if a ride by a novice rider upsets your mares training.

If she signs it then let her ride:lol:

OR

Just smile politely and say "No, you can't ride my horse, I don't allow anyone else to ride her"

Or 

You could say yeah sure, you can ride my horse If I can sleep with your husband.

I vote for choice 2, just very nicely say no, it's your horse, it's up to you who rides her, no need to make excuses, justify or even apologize.


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## DraftyAiresMum (Jun 1, 2011)

Just be frank with her. Tell her that you don't want her getting hurt and your mare is just the kind of horse that could/would hurt her, just by testing her. Or just say that you don't let other people ride your horse, period. I've had to do the same thing, but it was a guy at work asking if he could ride my green-as-grass coming 4yo draft cross gelding who I've only let my trainer friend and my best friend ride (both of whom know exactly how I want him trained/handled).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

Tell them you don't have liability coverage for non-family members.

If married, blame your husband. That is what my wife would do..."He won't let anyone ride the horses! He's paranoid, but what can I do?"


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## TurnNBurn144 (Dec 14, 2012)

i tell people no, unless its a pony ride for kids in the family. im not training my horse to let others ride it. i say politely 'no, ive put to much work into said horse and he/she is NOT a beginners horse and you dont need to get hurt'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chardavej (Mar 13, 2011)

I don't mind people asking to ride, though I don't let but a few (very few) ride my gelding. My mare, no. Everyone has to start somewhere to ride, who else to ask but a horse person? And them not being a horse person (at least not yet) don't know what they don't know. I just explain why, they seem to understand. I usually kindly direct them to a local rental stable (with good healthy, well cared for horses) to get started.


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## walkinthewalk (Jul 23, 2008)

Under these delicate circumstances, I would say:

1. I don't have liability to cover anyone but myself or my husband (as the Owners) to ride the horse.

2. Horses have varied personalities and levels of schooling. She is not your ordinary backyard/pasture pet that just anybody can ride. 

3. She recently had a baby, sometimes has Post-Partem Syndrome, and will most likely remain 1,500 pounds worth of hormonal until her system gets back to normal from nursing a baby.

4. She is essentially a college graduate with a _______ degree in Dressage (what would 4th level dressage equal in a human degree?) That means she is extremely sensitive to physical signals; inadvertently giving her the wrong signal at the wrong time could end up with you "falling" off.

4.1 Annnnd that goes back to number one regarding no liability insurance

I have found more-often-than-not, if you can translate horse talk into language non-horse people understand, they have a more clear understanding, and hopefully fear, of why they don't need to get on your horse:lol::lol:

I have been riding and training trail horses 53 of my 65 years and *I *wouldn't ask to ride your highly schooled horse for fear of giving it the wrong signals. There's a big difference between riding a trail horse and riding 4th level Dressage

And for that fact, she wouldn't be riding my trail horses either. In this day and age of law suits, I would simply say "nupe, you can't ride, I'm not watching you get dumped and land in the ER at my expense:lol:

I hope this helps


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

Me? 
I would tell her I'm old school and if she touches my horse again without my permission I would not be above cutting someone's hands off.


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## mvinotime (Mar 5, 2010)

For some reason this has always been super easy for me....."Nope I don't let anyone else ride my horse...sorry" There are many good reasons presented by those above me but honestly for me personally I am just really adamant about not wanting others on my horse and I really dont think I need to get into all those reasons with someone who asks. I agree that IMO it is just not polite to ask that of someone. I would just tell them straight forward in a nice manner and end the discussion so it doesnt get brought up and catch you off guard again.


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## acorn (Nov 27, 2012)

With the two horses I have now I just tell the truth. One has never had anyone on her but me and I honestly don't know what she would do with anyone else.
The second is a fire cracker that I don't even ride anymore.

Even if these things were not true I wouldn't let anyone ride my horses. I am very generous with most things but my horses....MINE...


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## 2SCHorses (Jun 18, 2011)

Too much liability. The answer I always give is: "I am very sorry, but no. There are many nice stables in the area that offer lessons and trail rides if you are interested and they have the adequate insurance to cover any incidents. If you are really interested I can help you find somewhere appropriate to ride." That usually shuts them up.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

"No" is a complete sentence. 
If you want to be nice, recommend some lesson barns. 

Other than my trainer NO ONE else rides my horse, period.


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## walkinthewalk (Jul 23, 2008)

WSArabians said:


> Me?
> I would tell her I'm old school and if she touches my horse again without my permission I would not be above cutting someone's hands off.


^^^that works too:rofl::rofl:


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

mvinotime said:


> For some reason this has always been super easy for me....."Nope I don't let anyone else ride my horse...sorry" There are many good reasons presented by those above me but honestly for me personally I am just really adamant about not wanting others on my horse and I really dont think I need to get into all those reasons with someone who asks. I agree that IMO it is just not polite to ask that of someone. I would just tell them straight forward in a nice manner and end the discussion so it doesnt get brought up and catch you off guard again.


ITA - short, sweet and to the point. The more "reasons" you start offering up the longer the conversation becomes and the more frustrated you stand to be.


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## gogaited (Oct 8, 2012)

BigGirlsRideWarmbloods said:


> Why is it that just b/c you have a horse, people think its okay to ride it? I would never ask if I could take some ones car or husband for a spin, or ask to borrow their dog.
> 
> So one of my old co-workers and his wife are renting our other house from us. We don't hang out but it wouldn't be out of place if we did. She called and told me she had repaired something (fine, it was expected) but then we got to talking and she said "Hey can I come out and ride your horse this weekend?"
> 
> ...


No, you can't ride my horse. If they persist, no, my insurance won't allow it.


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## HagonNag (Jul 17, 2010)

walkinthewalk said:


> Under these delicate circumstances, I would say:
> 
> 1. I don't have liability to cover anyone but myself or my husband (as the Owners) to ride the horse.
> 
> ...


 
Personally, I'd be tempted to just print this out and hand it to her! If she really knows NOTHING about horses, this might help her understand just what she's asking. And why you are refusing.

If my neighbor had a Porshe in his back yard, I wouldn't be asking to take it for a spin....and it's the same thing except your horse is a living being instead of a machine. This woman can't tell a Porshe from a chevy or a highly trained dressage horse from a cart horse. She will need an education or she's just going to think you're being mean. Or you could just let her think you're mean. It all depends on you. 

(If you have any suspicion that she might sneak out and actually try to ride, I'd make sure she knows she will be forfeiting her hands.....but then I'm just mean like that!) :lol:


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## With Grace (Oct 20, 2011)

My sis in law recently asked if she could go with me to the barn to see my mare and ride her. I just explained she's in full training, in a show barn, no one but me and my trainer get to ride her. She had backyard horses growing up, so a horse in training was foreign to her. I still feel bad about saying no, but one kick in the side and my sis in law would have been in a situation she couldn't control.

I'd politely just say no to your co worker.


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

I'd keep it as , "No, my horse not a lesson horse." and be done with it. If she asks again, just say no. You don't need to give a reason; it's your horse and no means no.


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## WorshipWarrior83 (Dec 31, 2012)

I remember asking someone this very question before I started to learn to ride and I believe their response was no my horses are not ridden except for showing.

While technically a lie as the horses are ridden in preperation for shows too it got the point across without offending me and I understood that hey these horses are not some kids pony.


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## texasgal (Jul 25, 2008)

I'm just honest. "No, I don't share my horse.. (or my motorcycle .. or my car .. or my husband) .. sorry."


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Do not make excuses. It will only get you in more of a mess.


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Many people think a horse is a horse. You get on and ride. They really don't understand. I feel bad for both of you and you are in a bit of an awkwark position. Hopefully a short and honest explanation will do the trick.
Good luck!


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## BigBenLoverforLife (Sep 19, 2012)

I'd just say no. One of my friends wanted to ride my horse, I have let alot of my friends ride my horse, but only ones that ride on a daily basis's. This girl thought she knew everything since she took 3 years of lessons and leased a horse that _always bucked. Never once did I see her buck, anyway. I just told her its against the barns rules for a kid to ride someone's horse without there parent there. End of story. It's not the barns rules, but I didnt want her riding my horse. _


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Too complicated. Skip all the things about how the mare tests riders and skip the snappy comeback. She's not intending to insult you. A lot of people simply don't consider a horse as a personal thing. Explain that the horse requires a very well trained Dressage rider to control her and to not negatively impact her training. Youre not causing offense by saying no. You're not obligated to say yes. If she's offended it's her sense of entitlement causing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

I tell people that my horse would kill them.

I don't get asked again.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

BigBenLoverforLife said:


> I'd just say no. One of my friends wanted to ride my horse, I have let alot of my friends ride my horse, but only ones that ride on a daily basis's. This girl thought she knew everything since she took 3 years of lessons and leased a horse that _always bucked. Never once did I see her buck, anyway.* I just told her its against the barns rules for a kid to ride someone's horse without there parent there.* End of story. It's not the barns rules, but I didnt want her riding my horse. _


_

Ok, so what do you do when she shows up with a parent???? Too much bull crap! Put your big girl panties on and just say "NO"._


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## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

I feel so excited that I was offered to ride her and I'm still alive, Copper.  LOL

But..I agree..Just let her kniw that since she doesn't have years of dressage riding, the horse will most likely send her to the ER, and you'd rather her stay alive as a friend, lol.
If I let someone ride Lucky out of the indoor arena (tiny), they'd be off in a heartbeat and never want to ride again.
If I let someone ride ST, I have no doubt they'd be fine, but I charge a lesson fee. No one asks again because they don't want to pay, lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BigGirlsRideWarmbloods (Mar 28, 2010)

Thank you everyone for all of your help! I hate disappointing people and I really do love to encourage new riders. If she had ANY experience it would be a different story, but I think the closest she's been is watching horse movies.

its just difficult b/c this lady is my renting a house from us and I want to preserve the friendly relationship. I think I'm going to lead with good old fashion cowardly avoidance and if needed escalate to care for her safety & liability.

I'm GREAT with horses but completely horrible with people. Why can't I just give her an angry look and snap at her and tell her to STOP, and then just wait until she drops her head and licks and chews at me and then we can be friends again?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

Iseul said:


> I feel so excited that I was offered to ride her and I'm still alive, Copper.  LOL
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not for lack of trying on her end though! :lol:


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## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

Copperhead said:


> Not for lack of trying on her end though! :lol:


Guess that's why you offered and knew she wasn't gonna be able to kill me? Haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

when anybody asks me to ride Anne, i tell them her full name. AnalisaParalyzer has her name for a reason. Would you still like to get on?


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

I've had horse friends ask to ride Sky. I've just said "He's not ready for more than one type of rider at the moment." They scoff about it, but hey it's true! 

You should not feel awkward nor obligated to let someone ride your horse. It's YOUR horse. You're paying the bills, the insurance, spending $$$ training... yeah. You just tell them straight up no.


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## pmcferron (Feb 13, 2013)

i made the mistake of letting some inexperienced riders ride my racking mare once for about a days time. she has a trotty type step if you dont keep good pressure on her mouth and its one rough ride. of course the people riding here didnt even try to control her and let her do whatever she wanted. it took me a long time to get my horse back under control, she didnt want to mind at all when i got back on her. after that little lesson i learned if someone asked they got a NO, unless it was my dad or someone who knew how to handle her.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

bsms said:


> Tell them you don't have liability coverage for non-family members.
> 
> If married, blame your husband. That is what my wife would do..."He won't let anyone ride the horses! He's paranoid, but what can I do?"


 I would totally do this as well - one of the benefits of having a partner/wife/husband is that you can use them as a reason to not do things!!!
Honestly - Use the insurance thing if you dont want to offend them.


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## SaddleOnline (Oct 20, 2011)

I have used the insurance excuse before- and it is a valid one! 

I have also told people, yes, you can come ride, but I will have to lead you around and you have to wear a helmet because he is a very sensitve horse and might be confused by a new rider. Usually once they realize it wont be them cowboying around, they lose interest. And hey, if they are still up for it, a little pony ride action wont hurt! Best of luck!


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

Let them buy their own horse.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

BigGirlsRideWarmbloods said:


> I'm GREAT with horses but completely horrible with people. Why can't I just give her an angry look and snap at her and tell her to STOP, and then just wait until she drops her head and licks and chews at me and then we can be friends again?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:clap::rofl: Oh wouldn't it make life easier.


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## MAG1723 (Jul 24, 2012)

I don't want someone riding my horse I just say that she is in heat and is very unpredictable. I also say that sometimes she even kicks. lol its a lie but it keeps them off!


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## goneriding (Jun 6, 2011)

Just say no, no need for an explanation. If they don't "get" it, tell them there is a riding stable down the road.


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## Kiara (Aug 27, 2008)

I was asked and told the truth: my old one is highly trained and very sensitive ion his cues, so I don't want to put a completely inexperienced child on him. And my young one, well she is not broke to ride. Their answer? Oh, your horses are wild! :shock::evil:

Not long after they asked me again if their daughter can ride my horses. *sigh* 

My old guy had been a lesson horse at some point, but I have never seen a kid on him and don't want the liability of an inexperienced child on him and something going wrong...


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## goneriding (Jun 6, 2011)

Non horse people do not understand explanations like that so why even explain?


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

Ugh. Its harder when your parent pays for the horse and there friends ask you if there kid can ride the horse. Normally i will turn the horses out and they will go into the other field. Now that i am hopefully getting my own horse soon, I also need help with this same thing.


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## DraftyAiresMum (Jun 1, 2011)

Does your friend know how large your mare is? As in, has she physically seen her and been close to her?

The reason I ask is because my non-horsey boyfriend (he rode broncs in high school rodeo in the '80s, but that DOES NOT count) insisted he wanted to ride my gelding, who is now 16.1hh and a good 1500lbs. Then he actually stood next to Aires and realized just how big he is and rescinded his request to ride my green horse. I'm wondering if your friend gets next to your mare and realizes just how big she is, if she'll change her mind about wanting to ride her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jinx1990 (Nov 17, 2012)

I am uber picky about who I even let pet my horse. I wasn't before, but now that I know how stupid non-horse people can be with horses, I never let anyone ride Scars but me and the trainer. Petting her is still tricky and she flat put scares people who are not used to horses-she pins her ears, head tosses, and stomps if she uncomfortable with someone. So I just flat out tell people NO when they want to ride my horse. 
Horses are an expensive investment and are just as special to us as family. Non horse people don't always get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mutchkin21 (Aug 3, 2011)

BigGirlsRideWarmbloods said:


> Why is it that just b/c you have a horse, people think its okay to ride it? I would never ask if I could take some ones car or husband for a spin, or ask to borrow their dog.
> 
> 
> How can I tell someone I have a personal and business relationship with, that she is not good enough to ride my horse?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't owe anyone an explaination. It is your horse and a simple "I am sorry but I have strict non-owner riding policy". If still searches for a reason, which is rude after a person said no, say due to insurance liability and individual horse behavior not suitable for beginners, my anwer is and WILL remain no. 

I would direct the conversation to riding lessons and stables of people and locations that I know of that are willing to take riders.


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## BigBenLoverforLife (Sep 19, 2012)

nvr2many said:


> Ok, so what do you do when she shows up with a parent???? Too much bull crap! Put your big girl panties on and just say "NO".


We arnt friends anymore  I think she was only friend so she could ride a horse, the next time she came out she asked if she could ride I just flat out told her no. So when I wouldn't let her ride my horse she NEVER talked to me again! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

BigBenLoverforLife said:


> We arnt friends anymore  I think she was only friend so she could ride a horse, the next time she came out she asked if she could ride I just flat out told her no. So when I wouldn't let her ride my horse she NEVER talked to me again!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With friends like that, who needs enemies?

If she had fallen off, she would have forgotten that you were friends and remembered that she had a lawyer friend.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

BigBenLoverforLife said:


> We arnt friends anymore  I think she was only friend so she could ride a horse, the next time she came out she asked if she could ride I just flat out told her no. So when I wouldn't let her ride my horse she NEVER talked to me again!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow! Good riddance to her!


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## xlionesss (Jan 30, 2012)

I just got my first horse yesterday and my mother *already* told her co-worker that she can bring her 4 year old daughter out to meet him....ummm...I may have to make Scout magically disappear for a day!


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## Annanoel (Mar 29, 2011)

I hate when people think they can just ride my horse, I know maybe they don't understand the concept he's almost almost three, very young, green and in training. It bothers me to no end. 

Noone has rode him yet but me, and will not for a while if ever. It's not selfish it's for both of us. I just stick with *NO*, plain and simple. If they inquire further I tell them the truth and reasons why. 

The last time someone asked, I politely said NO, that was the end of it.


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## Saranda (Apr 14, 2011)

No-one I don't want to will ever ride my horse. It is not my obligation, not my responsibility to provide the horseless with a free ride, and I don't feel rude at all when I tell somebody off. A plain NO is sufficient. 

The thoughts of many that horses is some kind of free entertainment for anyone who asks are actually quite irritating at times...


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## Fulford15 (Oct 17, 2012)

This drives me insane.... I get it all the time. 

Okay, My own horse lives in BC, even if he lived here with me, no you can not ride him.
I ride for a lady here, I get asked by so many people, "Can I come riding?" or "OMG I love horses, can I come with you?" Uhm, NO. Not mine, you need to meet the owner and she can decide. "Well why?"

People don't understand that in order to come ride, you need a certified helmet, proper boots, AEF and sign a liability waiver. Just cause the horse is "pretty" doesn't mean it's safe! 

I just tell people, "Sorry, it's not my decision." or "Sorry, I would need you to have a certified helmet, proper boots, and a liability waiver signed, as well as horse council"


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## WorshipWarrior83 (Dec 31, 2012)

I always keep in mind however that before I was a horse person and was initially interested I asked the same question to friends I knew with horses. It may be irritating but its similar with other sports. When someone wants to learn to paly Golf they ask if they can go with someone that knows how and use their clubs to hit.

They just fail to realize as I did when I asked that hey not all horses are meant to be ridden by the inexperienced and that it takes some actually learning to ride a horse for yourself. I don't get mad when my friends ask me about my horse. I actually explain to them nicely why I can't let them ride my horse and thats good enough.

Im always happy to educate those not familiar with riding and then direct them to someone that teaches lessons.


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## Fourteen (Jan 8, 2013)

Unless the person is someone that I strongly dislike, I'm actually perfectly happy to share my horses with them. Horses are my passion, and I get joy from watching others enjoy them as well. 

However, it depends on what level of experience they have, that will determine what they will do when in the company of my horses. If they've never ridden before, I am willing to do a pony ride, or even a short lesson if they're willing to accept instruction.

If they have ridden before, I will usually take a few turns around the paddock to ensure they have the basics down before taking them on a trail ride. Everyone is required to wear a helmet and proper boots, and a liability release must be signed and initialed as well. If you're not willing to do that, then I'm not willing to take you on a ride. I have yet to have a refusal :wink: 
That being said, if I take a person on a ride, and they demonstrate that either they A) are incapable of accepting and applying riding direction OR B) are not considerate to my horse(s) ... then they are not invited back. I'm also not going to invite back someone who says they're coming out and then cancels on me at the last minute after I've groomed and tacked up extra horse(s) for some frivilous reason. If you don't display proper appreciation for the huge favour I'm doing by allowing you to ride for free, then the offer is closed.

I do have the luxury of having more than one horse in the barn though :wink: and some of my horses were selected specifically for their temperment and patience, so as to be able to provide rides to green riders. If I only had my one personal horse available, I would be much more selective in who I let ride and to what extent, as I don't think having multiple green riders on a regular basis would really make him happy.


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## goneriding (Jun 6, 2011)

It is called a riding stable, they can provide lessons with a liability waiver and a fee. People can get a feel of how to handle a horse on the ground aside from learning "some" riding skills and understanding.

I do not even open the door......never


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Xlioness...You need time to get to know this horse...and this will take time. This is no time for a 4 year old child to be introduced. If they come out they need to stay on the outside of the stall. Period. It sounds like your mom is excited about this too but this animal is not a plush toy. Let them look at the nice big horsie but no close contact. This makes my hair stand on end!


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

Fourteen, I also have a "company" horse. I don't take people out a lot, but I have in the past. They have to be nice, they have to follow my rules, and they have to cheerfully help out with things. 

I took one woman riding years ago. She arrived at my place and was angry that I didn't have the horses saddled up already the minute she got there. After we rode, she dismounted, handed me her reins, got into her car, and drove off. She didn't get an invite back.

I also took a woman riding last year. She insisted on keeping my 26 year old horse in a trot long after she was tired even though I asked her to walk. The horse got really hot. Haven't found time for her lately.

My main riding horse -- no way. Unless the person is a better rider/trainer than I am and can improve the horse's training, they can't ride her. I don't even let family members ride her.


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

How about those people that hear you know how to ride and automatically go "Can you give me lessons?!"

If they know I have a horse I circle back to the "She'll kill you" reply. If they don't know I have a horse, I ask them if they have a horse to learn on. They always say no.

No doubt they'd want those lessons for free because they "know" you.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

If she keeps on bugging you to ride your mare, I would just look her directly in the eye and say something to the effect "Look, she is a very highly trained, powerful, and expensive horse. You don't have the knowledge to ride her and I am afraid you would undo her training. If you'd like, I can help you find a local lesson barn where you can get some riding done on a horse that is more to your level".

I'm pretty particular about the folks I let ride my horses too. Other than family, only 1 other person has ever got to ride my main horse, but he was a stark beginner and was so afraid of screwing up that he did exactly what I told him every step of the way LOL.


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## TheRoundPen (Mar 15, 2012)

smrobs said:


> I'm pretty particular about the folks I let ride my horses too. *Other than family, only 1 other person has ever got to ride my main horse, but he was a stark beginner and was so afraid of screwing up that he did exactly what I told him every step of the way LOL.*


This is the only reason I will let someone ride my horse that isn't family. He learned really quickly after my mare took off with him for squeezing, he listened to every single thing I told him. Now I wouldn't mind putting him on any of my horses because he rides how I ride. Lol

As to the OP, I've never really been one to tell someone no about riding so I can't help. I will tell them that I don't have a horse at their level if that is the case though and they usually understand.


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