# An old man hugged me



## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

Why not TELL him to knock it off? Then if he persists, you have a knee, and he has testicles. Knock em together. People can only get away with crap like this if YOU allow it.


----------



## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

Tell his wife....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chevaux (Jun 27, 2012)

I say this with the greatest respect for you Saddlebag: You give every appearance of being a forthright, speak your mind person -- I'm surprised we're not reading 'what do I do with an old man after I've flattened him on the ground for inappropriate hugging?'

On a serious note, I've come across a couple of them like that in my lifetime. I am now quite skilled at keeping a weather eye open and flitting around a room to pre-empt any unwanted hugging. I think it comes down to full on confrontation or not attending events. If it's confronting - is it at the moment (just like the 3 second rule in correcting a horse, right?) or is the culprit pulled aside and told not to do and what the consequences are if it continues.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Maybe I'll try what Mr. Bean did when a gal wanted to hug him. He put his hand on her face and pushed her to arm's length.


----------



## CandyCanes (Jul 1, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> Maybe I'll try what Mr. Bean did when a gal wanted to hug him. He put his hand on her face and pushed her to arm's length.


 
not a bad idea....


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Saddlebag said:


> Maybe I'll try what Mr. Bean did when a gal wanted to hug him. He put his hand on her face and pushed her to arm's length.



or, to be more subtle, you could just extend your hand for a handshake, look him straight in the eye, too, so he knows that YOU know.


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Stop being subtle. Make a BIG DEAL about it, loudly and as often as necessary. If it means kicking him in the shin or boy parts then so be it.

Make the right thing easy for him and the wrong thing hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

and hope he's as smart as a horse


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Tiny I tried that and he grabbed my hand and pulled me close. Even when I put my arm across my chest, elbow out, he squeezed. He is ignoring all the signals most people would pay mind to. Even my horses will stand back with the stop signal. I shall start wearing my leather soled boots with the hard heel and if I can't avoid him I shall "accidently" step on his foot then feign an apology. He always wears runners.


----------



## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't think you should be quite so subtle about it. If he's ignored all 'signals' so far, who's to say he won't still go in for the grab if you give him a good step on the foot? Sounds like he thinks he's got a fair bit to gain… Make a scene next time, loudly tell him to keep his hands off of you, back away and draw attention to yourself. Other people noticing (especially his wife) might just be the deterrent he needs.


----------



## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

Don't be quiet, don't be subtle. 

If you tell him to do one quietly, he will move on to someone else.

One of my biggest regrets was not turning in the 70yo scum that touched me and watched me change through a hole in the wall when I was 14. He then did the same to others before he kicked the bucket. I felt sick after I found out other girls had been through the same.


----------



## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Ask him what his wife would think about him if you told her
I feel sorry for the poor woman
Or tell him he can't afford you
These people are best belittled and made to look as foolish/needy/sad/desperate as they are


----------



## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

Saddlebag said:


> Tiny I tried that and he grabbed my hand and pulled me close. Even when I put my arm across my chest, elbow out, he squeezed. He is ignoring all the signals most people would pay mind to. Even my horses will stand back with the stop signal. I shall start wearing my leather soled boots with the hard heel and if I can't avoid him I shall "accidently" step on his foot then feign an apology. He always wears runners.


Not NEARLY enough to stop him. Just about enough for him to escalate a bit.


----------



## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

I can empathize with you a little bit. It's HARD to stop unwanted attention without feeling like you're causing a commotion. At the grocery store where I work, I am a major hit with all the old men. Some are very nice and kind, and others are kind of weird and creepy. My manager tells me that I must be flirting with them in order to get the attention I do, but I am honestly just being nice and kind. It frustrates me that it is "my fault" that I get the attention that I do. It's not like I'm ripping my boobs out of my shirt and pulling down my pants. In fact, I'm using wearing minimal makeup and wearing a hideous beige polo that is too big on me. Attractive? I guess.

I, too, am guessing that subtlety will not work on this man. I would maybe try the foot crushing thing as a last resort before just plain ol' calling him out on it. Tell him no, that you don't appreciate hugs, and that the next time he tries it you will be telling your husband and his wife about it. That should be a major deterrent for him.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

There was an old fellow who ran the local liquor store. He was one of those who thought a "good morning" from a woman was a come-on. He showed up in my yard one day (no close neighbors) and tho't I desired him so he grabbed my arm. He was a big man and I was having trouble breaking free. I yelled and the dog, a big chessie, came tearing around the corner of the house and tried to remove his boys. I was free and the guy ran for his truck. I wonder how he explained that to his wife. I'm happy to say he got caught shop-lifting and got some jail time. He was hardly seen after he got out and I heard he stuck close to home.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Corazon, a friend told one old letch "Listen you, I've left better than you at home". It worked. It is irksome that your male boss blames you whereas if your boss was a woman she'd try to help you resolve this.


----------



## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

I would simply tell him that even thought may see it as harmless, that you view it as inappropriate behavior and a bit demeaning . I would also tell him that you mentioned this to others who shared your feelings and that you don't wish to take any additional actions, but you will if it persists.

It may sound heavy, but I would file a police report just in case. Protect yourself and possibly others. He is not a nice man and he knows exactly what he is doing .
Do not take this lightly.

All my best.


----------



## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

Saddlebag said:


> Corazon, a friend told one old letch "Listen you, I've left better than you at home". It worked. It is irksome that your male boss blames you whereas if your boss was a woman she'd try to help you resolve this.


It's sad, but my boss is a woman. And she thinks that I come on too strong or do something to make them come after me. I'm not trying to garner attention from old, creepy men. I am polite, pleasant, upbeat...everything you would want in a cashier. I honestly don't even know how to flirt lol, so it's not as if I'm intentionally doing this.

Haha, maybe you should tell your creep what you told me to tell mine. I feel bad for his wife. What an awful thing to be married to someone who feels other women up without their permission.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Corazon, that is sexism plain and simple from your boss. Your manager should back you up if you feel that someone is making you uncomfortable. You are not responsible for controlling the behavior of ADULT MEN, they're not animals who need to be managed, they're perfectly capable of managing their own behavior. 

Saddlebag, I'm sorry you went through this. I'm well-endowed in the chest region myself, so I'm very familiar with the "crushing" hug and the side-boob not-quite-a-grope-but-yes-it-is trick that some people pull. Don't be quiet about it, even if you need to scream "DON'T TOUCH ME!" at the top of your lungs. Silence and shame are the friends of sexual predators.


----------



## PandaJinxes (Mar 4, 2014)

squirrelfood said:


> Why not TELL him to knock it off? Then if he persists, you have a knee, and he has testicles. Knock em together. People can only get away with crap like this if YOU allow it.


I've seen guys get up or not be affected by the 'knee in the junk' thing. If you're ever being attacked or anything, don't try it. If it doesn't work, you're in trouble. 

Kick the heck out of their knee caps. I've never seen someone get up and chase anyone with a broken knee cap. 

Granted, this is for serious situations. Like dark alleys or stuff like that. This guy might just be over friendly or losing his mind. I'd talk to his wife about it, and tell him to knock it off. If it continues, don't go near him and file a complaint or get a restraining order.


----------



## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

PandaJinxes said:


> I've seen guys get up or not be affected by the 'knee in the junk' thing. If you're ever being attacked or anything, don't try it. If it doesn't work, you're in trouble.
> 
> Kick the heck out of their knee caps. I've never seen someone get up and chase anyone with a broken knee cap.
> 
> Granted, this is for serious situations. Like dark alleys or stuff like that. This guy might just be over friendly or losing his mind. I'd talk to his wife about it, and tell him to knock it off. If it continues, don't go near him and file a complaint or get a restraining order.



It usually works fine for dirty old men with "touchy feelie syndrome". Jars their brains. No need to kill the guy.


----------



## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

Taking a step back and giving the evil eye always worked for me with lecherous old men. If something like that didn't do the trick then just come out and say "I do not want you hugging on me.". Next step would be to raise a more public stink.


----------



## ZombieHorseChick (Jun 5, 2014)

I've had a older guy at my church like this, though I don't EVER let him hug me, he's tried , but I'm a slippery little eel ( well, not little, I'm 5'9 lol) I avoid him as much as possible, im just not a peoples person, I hate To be touched, can't stand it, I don't care if you're a guy or gal, young( like a teen, I love hugs from little kids lol) or old, I have no tolerance, and if you have bad intentions, you're going to be hurt,end of story.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

In about 10 days we all, me, the old letch and his wife, will attend a luncheon in which 15 or so attend. The wife always asks me to sit across from her. I'll have to beg off as I plan on sitting well away from him. Besides, she can't get a sentence out without having god or some biblical reference in it and it gets wearing. What a coincidence - the two of them are in church every Sunday without fail.


----------



## Marcie (Jul 25, 2013)

I am not a hugger. This is to the point that once when my supervisor wanted to do a group hug with myself, him and another guy employee, I flat out said, 'I don't do hugs'. And when they tried to convince me stood my ground. It felt weird but I think it would have been worse if I'd done the hug since the guy employee always found an excuse to 'read' my tee shirts.. Another time a guys friend wanted a hug and I said no and when he tried to do it anyway I walked away around the kitchen table. And can you believe he followed me around it? Like, this is not a game, you don't get to catch me. (You may or may not be able to tell I like a lot of personal space!)


----------



## Bagheera (Apr 23, 2013)

Call him out on it in front of multiple people. Next time he tries to hug you, loudly ask him if he likes to cop a feel of all the women he hugs. Make sure others around you hear it. Embarrass him. He needs to be put in his place.


----------



## Saranda (Apr 14, 2011)

With people like that, I am loud and mean. DON'T let him even touch you, and be loud and clear about the reasons. That's the only cure from these types - apart from a good steel boot in their sensitive regions, of course.


----------



## danny67 (Nov 27, 2012)

Man creepy guys are the worst and give all us bachelors a bad name.

I'm 47 and I feel uncomfortable around the barn kiddies when I am in the tack room alone with them, even though I am part Finnish and the very idea of physical contact is abhorrent.

You could tell your other friends in the social group the guy's a creep. It may get back to his strife. At least they would understand why you aren't around.


----------



## quinn (Nov 8, 2013)

I wouldn't let it continue, just be careful...

If said creeper isn't taking obvious signs to stop, what else is he capable of??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I must be giving off negative vibes as he hasn't approached me. Should he try again I know now how to deal with him. The old fart doesn't even put his teeth in and he has a big grin when he approaches me. Gross me out or what!


----------



## 2BigReds (Oct 7, 2011)

Oh I can't STAND this crap. Not too long ago I would've been pretty quiet about it too, maybe written it off as, "oh well he's old so who cares, men will be men," or some other common but nonsensical excuse for his behavior since that's what gets drilled into us as we're growing up. It's usually seen as the woman's fault when she gets assaulted. The only way that we can change that is to speak up, and LOUD. Be reasonable, but in this case I feel like calling him out IS reasonable. I know it's difficult when it shouldn't have to be and I still struggle with it a bit but with practice comes confidence!

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Please don't let anyone make you feel like this is your fault in any way shape or form, and good for you for deciding to stand up for yourself. *friendly, non-creepy hugs*


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Guess who was at my door today with wifey in the car. His excuse was making sure I was ok. He tried to approach me and I did almost as Mr. Bean, I put my hand toward his face, like a stop sign, and told him not to hug me that it was inappropriate. He backed off with OK. He didn't get attitude. Hopefully that's the end of it.


----------



## 2BigReds (Oct 7, 2011)

You go girl!!!  Good for you, I hope that's the end of it. :wink:


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Thanks, it's amazing how empowered it made me feel.


----------



## frlsgirl (Aug 6, 2013)

You go girl! What a creep. I hate it when people don't respect my personal space.


----------



## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

How much older than you is the pervert?

Do you think there is any possibility he is bothering the teens at church, or even younger ones?

Does he have access to children in his neighborhood? 

I'd really be tempted to, if had a cop friend, say something to them. You don't know if he has had troubles before, is in "counseling" like THAT does any good with a pervert, or just what has gone on.

I went to upholstery shop to finalize arrangements on having furniture recovered several years ago. One vehicle wasn't home, but the door to shop was open with light on inside which normally meant she was in there. (She wasn't)

Walked to screen door and as approaching can see her husband, with his back to the cutting table, and can hear vacuum running, he is standing there and I can remember thinking, isn't that nice he is vacuuming for her....right as I raised my hand and knocked once on door, I see he is in there molesting the vacuum cleaner hose. Hadn't gotten to "3rd base" yet, but he is rounding second quite nicely.

He jumped like a spavined mule when door was knocked on...I said I'd catch her later and left...and went to sheriff department. I don't know what kind of watch they have on the local pervs, but figured if he wasn't already on list, needed to be.

Nasty old man.

And bought new furniture too instead.

I hate perverts.

And if this is occurring in church related settings, I'd tell pastor too. 

You are a horse person, quit mucking around and if he ever does this again, put thumbnails in corners of eyes and tell him you are going to blind him, that he is not ever to come near you again. Or get hold of ear and twist, I think it takes less than 8 pounds of pressure to literally pull an ear off a head. And eyeballs will pop out quite nicely too with finger in eye socket and a quick flick, and nothing says "don't hug me" like an eyeball dangling from optic nerve on the cheekbone.

As you can guess, I don't get bothered much, not now, and not when I was young and thin and oh so pretty...I don't like being touched either, and corner me and I will kill you in a Georgia heartbeat.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

From what I've seen is he's hugged only one other woman in front of a store. She has hooters like I don't. He did ask her but squeezed her before she answered. Perhaps my telling him it's inappropriate will make him think of possible consequences. He must like my long skinny frame cause for a while he was always trying to embrace me. I just wish his toothless grin that's haunting me would go away. It's like someone in a Steven King movie.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

I'm saying this more for some of the posters in this thread than for the OP...
It can be VERY difficult to raise hell about a sexually aggressive situation. Whether it's not wanting to embarrass the person, or bring shame to yourself, or what have you. Speaking from unfortunate experience, I know I personally freeze up most of the time- just completely am unable to react, in the moment. As far as helping get yourself out of that situation, that doesn't do much, but it can't always be helped. I hope nobody here is judging anyone experiencing uncomfortable or dangerous situations.
I like some of the suggestions, such as letting your friends know that that guy makes you uncomfortable etc.
I don't think I'd personally be able to follow through with the physical suggestions, as popular as they seem. I don't know how the OP feels about it all, or her history, or how she is able to react.
Glad to hear that there may be an end to this for you.


----------



## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

aspin231 said:


> I'm saying this more for some of the posters in this thread than for the OP...
> It can be VERY difficult to raise hell about a sexually aggressive situation. Whether it's not wanting to embarrass the person, or bring shame to yourself, or what have you. Speaking from unfortunate experience, I know I personally freeze up most of the time- just completely am unable to react, in the moment. As far as helping get yourself out of that situation, that doesn't do much, but it can't always be helped. I hope nobody here is judging anyone experiencing uncomfortable or dangerous situations.
> I like some of the suggestions, such as letting your friends know that that guy makes you uncomfortable etc.
> I don't think I'd personally be able to follow through with the physical suggestions, as popular as they seem. I don't know how the OP feels about it all, or her history, or how she is able to react.
> Glad to hear that there may be an end to this for you.


 
I work in an army environment where, unfortunately, it is rife. I'd say it's the younger soldiers, but it isn't. It's those that wear their ranks and like everyone to know it. 
Three weeks ago we had a mess function where we were on a drinking tram, then went to a bar for food and drinks to watch the football.
Alcohol involved or not, the way some of those slime balls spoke to me made me FUME.
One got a "A bit inappropriate, don't you think? Not sure what your wife would have to say".
The other got a slap around the face. Hard. 
They have both since apologised and leave me alone.

What was said is not suitable for a forum.

I'm not a violent person, I am happier to talk things through. But when you believe you can say things to people with out consequences... NOT on.

It doesn't matter HOW you deal with it, whether it be direct or indirect... it needs to be sorted. It will never just stop at you, it will pass on to someone else because they believe they can prey on other people.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Aspin, like you I'm inclined to freeze only won't be in future. I'm not too concerned about his behaviour around children as he and his wife are pretty much conjoined at the hip and she'd never allow anything inappropriate with children. PS he's 81. It's funny how things have changed. Years ago women wore gloves to inhibit the spread of germs, not just fashion, and a handshake was the norm. Now it seems people can't wait to smear their germs onto someone else with hugging and maybe kissing. Yuk!!


----------

