# How do you progress when you're shunned?



## PrivatePilot (Dec 7, 2009)

Is bringing in an outside coach possible, or is that againt the barn rules or your boarding contract? 

Honestly, if the coach is the problem, you have only a handful of options - find out WHY the coach is being the way he/she is being (Ask for a 20 minute closed door meeting and sit down and discuss like grown ups, perhaps there's more to the story), bring in another coach (if it's possible), or move your horse. I know you said the last option isn't possible for whatever reason, however.


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## Sunnylucy (Jul 3, 2012)

You have to cowgirl up here I think. Believe in yourself and your horse, doesn't matter what others think, its what you think. It sounds like you are at a negative place that makes you stressed and that will carry over to your horse. There must be somewhere that you can move. Even if you have to compromise on what you want in a facility, if its better for your horse and a more positive environment its worth it. If you chose to remain where you are, the only person who can make you a victim is yourself. For the sake of your horse and partnership, make it clear that you expect them to treat you and your horse with respect. Doesn't need to be confrontational or emotional just clear on what you expect. If you find it hard to do for yourself, do it for your horse, it'll get easier. Good luck.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

why can you not move your horse? both you and she would be happier at a barn where people do not SHUN anyone.


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## Ninamebo (May 25, 2013)

I hate when people act like that and get judgey.. I second talking to her as it seems like she's the only option you have for a trainer if you can't move. Tell her your circumstance and just be firm and in charge with the convo- if you take her on as a trainer you are paying her for a service, so make it clear that you'd like a professional, fair relationship out of the matter. Doesn't matter how much she dislikes your horses breed, that's just bad business if she wants to pick and choose. Heck, I know many trainers who would be out of a job if they were so picky. 

Be nice and fair with her- but firm. And don't hesitate to say something if you feel she isn't giving you the time and quality you deserve in lessons. 

But amid all of this.. try to search for a different boarding facility or a different trainer if you can bring one in.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Why would one want to train under someone who behaves that childishly? she isn't going to be a better person , just the same one, even if you ARE her student.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

I'm confused -- you are not paying for the trainer and yet hope for her to give you advice? Did I misread something?


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

Perhaps the reason the trainer doesn't have time for you is that you have not engaged her as your trainer. She's just another person, probably a busy one. If you tell her you want to show... what is she meant to say? 

Is she actually shunning you, or does she just not have the time for you? Have you spoken to her about engaging her as a trainer and if she could work out a plan to get you toward showing? Once you become a customer I imagine she'll be a little different

I've said to people "you don't need to show", and I've never meant it badly. On the odd occasion I've met someone who is quite keen on showing but isn't in any way prepared, when they ask my opinion I honestly say "you don't need to show". It's my way of saying that showing is very expensive and extremely competitive around here, that without the right horse, right tack, right clothes and right training you're not going to be successful - and this person doesn't have any of it. I don't want to say that because it sounds mean. So I say "you don't need to show" to say that just because you know some people who train and ride to win at shows doesn't mean you have to. There are so many horsey things to do. 

To be honest I hate showing, I did a little when I was a teen and even if I did well on the day I'd beat myself up over every little mistake. It wasn't a fun, supportive atmosphere I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone.

Bring in another trainer, talk to your trainer, or even take your horse elsewhere for lessons. There are many options. But to be honest and I mean this in the nicest way possible, if you want to get into showing you're going to have to toughen up. People will do worse than "shun" you. There are some lovely people in every show circle, but there are some nasty ones too.


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

Showing has gotten to be quite expensive-your mare has already won at showing so she has the experience-but you don't give us enough facts to give you good answers. Such as why can't you move? No trailer? Why is her breed an issue? Is she gaited? A draft cross? Are you still a student? What type of showing do you want to do? Most trainers don't have the time to give out free advice,maybe she is just busy? What does BNT mean? 

If I wanted to show-I would just put my horse in a trailer-(can be rented) & go show, but when I did that I had a stallion to promote & showing was necessary. Nowadays I couldn't be dragged into a show ring-it is very stressful to me. But to each their own. Wishing you good times w/your horse. That relationship is the first priority.


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## n2sporthorses (Dec 16, 2013)

BNT means Big Name Trainer. 

Not meaning to brag, but my mare's won a national championship and Top Ten'd at some other very major shows. That's one reason I got her--so that I could fulfill a kind of dream, goal, ambition that's been with me since about the summer of 1976. And that's to hit the show ring. I wish the show thing would go someplace and not come back, but somehow it just keeps coming back to me. 

I've been told by some very knowledgeable people who've seen me ride that with some work and schooling on my part, I could be quite competitive. 

But as one poster mentioned, the relationship between my horse and me is the bottom line of all else. I totally agree. As much as I longed for my next horse for as many years as I did before I finally found her, we have a very special thing.

And yes, the trainer was definitely shunning me. No need to go into all that right here, but I'm definitely on the lookout for another place to put my mare. Went to look at another place just yesterday.


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## roanypony (Apr 5, 2012)

I agree with some others that have posted. If you want a trainer to help you in any way, even just through a friendly educational question and answer session, be prepared to pay for their time and don't get angry over her lack of interest in you or your "goals" when you expect expert advice for free. 

I also agree with others in that you have not given us enough info to properly judge the situation.

One of the other things you mentioned is that you've had this "goal" since 1976. Personally it seems as though you may be a person who likes to talk the talk but when it gets to be time to actually DO something to reach said goal, you don't follow through. I can see how a trainer could easily see that quality in a person and then basically lack the time of day to even care. JMO.

Good luck.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

How is this trainer shunning you?

You are not her client. You are not paying her. Why should she give you advice, help or support? You're not paying her to. Is she not chit chatting with you much or something? Remember that the barn is her workplace and you're not her customer.

She might have made the comment about not needing to show because a lot of people feel bad about not showing when they don't have the money to.

Sometimes people do thoughtless things - even to friends. She might not have thought whatever she did was a big deal. She will never know unless you speak up when it happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Based on the little info you have given, I'm going to say....move when you can. With what you have said, BNT, National Champ, TT, I'm going to guess you have an Arab in Walker country. Arabians are the most expensive horse I've ever shown. The trainers cost twice as much as other trainers and tend to get 'over horsed' by having too many horses to train in their barns. 

If you aren't paying for training, you cannot expect to get the time of day from this trainer. He or she just plain doesn't have the time for you if you're not paying, it isn't fair to his or her other customers to give you a bunch of time when they are paying. Yes, you bought a horse from that barn and keep the horse there, but unless your questions are about the stalling and feeding, you have nothing coming from that trainer. 

If you can't afford to train, I promise you you can't afford to show. I can show 3 horses at Pinto World Champs for what it costs to show 1 at Arabian US Nationals. So, if you want to show, you need to find a trainer you can afford or find a way to afford this trainer. Then you can save up the money to get to shows, once you have some training.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Obvious solution is to find somewhere else to keep your horse
One thing does occur to me - if your horse has a totally different discipline to everyone else is it just possible that the trainer has no knowledge of that and so can't give you any worthwhile training?
That would be comparable to someone asking me to give them lessons in WP or reining - I'd be clueless
Very few trainers - even top ones will turn down money but they wont pretend to be able to teach a discipline they aren't experienced in


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## n2sporthorses (Dec 16, 2013)

I'm not going to return to this thread, as so many of the comments are so far off base as to be unworthy of any comment. For starters, the trainer and I used to be friends; she seemed to respect what I had to say--which I was very honored by.

There are many people who do not have their horses in full-time training who do very well at shows. Insofar as me being someone who simply likes to talk about what I want to do but never follows through, well, life doesn't always allow me to do what I want. Perhaps some of you can have such experiences--perhaps you could develop a bit of sensitivity for other people.

And if my post ends up getting me banned--well, I'd say it'd be a dead loss!


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

There may be too little info to guess why she is behaving this way. You must think it has something with not training with her. 

I was at a barn for 4 years, best family run in the area, about 75 horses. The trainer was the owner's daughter. A friend there asked me for advice and since then this trainer shunned me and told me I didn't know anything.. I moved. I wasn't going to pay good money at a place where trainer ran it and belittled me. And I didn't want the parents/owners to get caught it. 

One thing I remember using in the past with good result is confronting the jerks saying "Have I upset you in some way? You make me feel like


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

OP, I'm sorry that you see the good pieces of advice here as critical, when I thought they were helpful. Before I owned a trailer I paid to have horses delivered to me. When I bought a local gelding in 1985 I paid someone at the stable to collect and deliver for me, while I drove behind.
Not hard. Not expensive.
We don't mind rants here, but to insult us before you get to know us isn't the best way to make friends.


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

You can read posts but you can't hear intonation, which can completely change the intent of what one posts.

I always give the benefit of the doubt unless something is real blatently mean.


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## ILoveMyThoroughbredSmokey (Jan 15, 2014)

I sorry that you going through that drama with that trainer. so many horse people turn into snobs who feel they are too good for people. you didn't give much information to your post to what is actually going on and what exactly is happening at the barn, so it is difficult to really give specific advice with that trainer, if we don't know what is going on. but I think you should try your best to find a different place to keep your girl. it is most important to go enjoy yourself with your horse. you should definitely go to shows if you want! go for it! you do not need a trainer in order to do so. maybe you wont win the championships or extremely high level of showing, but it IS possible! and maybe later on you will decide on getting a different trainer that you get along with better. once I get a trailer (which is probably soon! yay) I plan to start showing my boy... and I haven't had a trainer in years. but who cares? eventually I will find myself a trainer when I want to get one. so go for it. and do what makes you and your horse happy. no need for stress. any chance you could share the breed of your horse and what discipline you wanting to do? I just curious at who are so hard headed, judgmental, and ignorant to be against a certain breed. makes no sense to me. wish you best of luck!


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