# To Go or Not To Go Back



## palogal (May 30, 2008)

She was not out of like when he put his nose on her. I probably would have done something less aggressive, flicked him in the nose or something but she was not out of line.

If you liked her instruction go back. Some customers don't really understand that not all trainers want a personal relationship with their clients. You might ask her what was up with her moving and not saying anything but it really is none of your business. True, her PR needs some work.

You want her services or you don't is the bottom line.


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

palogal said:


> She was not out of like when he put his nose on her. I probably would have done something less aggressive, flicked him in the nose or something but she was not out of line.
> 
> If you liked her instruction go back. Some customers don't really understand that not all trainers want a personal relationship with their clients. You might ask her what was up with her moving and not saying anything but it really is none of your business. True, her PR needs some work.
> 
> You want her services or you don't is the bottom line.


At most, it was his whiskers touching her. And I forgot a key detail. 

After the second lesson, she said my saddle makes me lean too far forward, so she advised me to get a new one, with a bridle. On top of that, certain show clothes, etc etc. She suggested a saddle, which we went ahead and bought. All in all, we spent $2000. Dora said that "she would only suggest new tack if it really would help" but is having a family drop $2000 and then saying adios really fair and right?


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

I thought in your other thread you said you were never ever going to a trainer again because 'it broke the bond' between you and your horse????


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

OP, you sound as if you've already made up your mind by your posts to not go back. Guess I don't see why you are even asking


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

DimSum said:


> OP, you sound as if you've already made up your mind by your posts to not go back. Guess I don't see why you are even asking


I'm just trying to figure out if i'm being irrational or not


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

Muppetgirl said:


> I thought in your other thread you said you were never ever going to a trainer again because 'it broke the bond' between you and your horse????


MOST of them do. And if you didn't read that other thread, I said I was stopping it THERE to get rid of all of the arguing/blahblahblahbullcrap, so please, for my sake, don't bring it up here since I don't want to loose my noodle


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## gigem88 (May 10, 2011)

I wouldn't go back because of principle. I can understand her maybe not wanting a warm and cozy relationship with her students, but not giving notice is very unprofessional. Especially when you can communicate so easily by email and facebook. Not something I can overlook, but I'm old and cranky!


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

gigem88 said:


> I wouldn't go back because of principle. I can understand her maybe not wanting a warm and cozy relationship with her students, but not giving notice is very unprofessional. Especially when you can communicate so easily by email and facebook. Not something I can overlook, but I'm old and cranky!


That's what I was thinking.. Even just a small notice saying "I'm relocating" would of been good enough for me


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

KylieHuitema said:


> MOST of them do. And if you didn't read that other thread, I said I was stopping it THERE to get rid of all of the arguing/blahblahblahbullcrap, so please, for my sake, don't bring it up here since I don't want to loose my noodle


Ok, well hold onto your noodle and I did read the other thread.........I just don't understand why you vehemently right off trainers in one thread then start another thread about getting/revisiting a trainer.......why the change of heart?


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

Muppetgirl said:


> Ok, well hold onto your noodle and I did read the other thread.........I just don't understand why you vehemently right off trainers in one thread then start another thread about getting/revisiting a trainer.......why the change of heart?


I said for the basics. And I sat up for 2 hours last night thinking on how to improve, and then another 2 this morning. I need some sort of help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## palogal (May 30, 2008)

KylieHuitema said:


> I'm just trying to figure out if i'm being irrational or not


 
I think you are but that's just me. If you like her instruction go back, if you don't, find someone else. It sounds to me like you've already decided. 
As for the tack, you didn't have to buy it, and you probably should have gotten a second opinion before you dropped the money.


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## Becca93 (Jan 22, 2009)

Is there any other available trainers in the area?

Personally, if someone I had employed to train just up at left without notice, and then returned I wouldn't go back to her. If you are already uncertain then don't go back.


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## Cherie (Dec 16, 2010)

I know a lot of people that have been coached by instructors that they literally can't stand -- but they are good, they are demanding and they get a lot of improvement out of riders that are serious and really try.

I used to watch lessons that a German (barely spoke English) instructor gave to some very high level riders. I learned a lot from just watching and listening. [It seemed that the first English words he learned well were cuss words and derogatory names.] I thought he was awful and wondered why riders would pay good money (he was HIGH) to be abused. He was also rough on horses.

Years later, I understood exactly why they put up with him. He made them better riders and it sure sorted out the casual riders that just needed a little help and lot of encouragement and "You're doing great!" comments.

The people that stuck with him were the winners. Not all good instructors are like him, but I've seen several that are. And Yeah. I would not have put up with your horse reaching his nose out to me either. It IS a sign of disrespect to me.

Egos and personalities are not really important if you really want to reach great heights in riding. Casual riders (which you intimated you are in the other thread) usually can't or Won't put up with a demanding instructor.


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

Cherie said:


> Egos and personalities are not really important if you really want to reach great heights in riding. Casual riders (which you intimated you are in the other thread) usually can't or Won't put up with a demanding instructor.


I wasn't a casual rider until this year. I used to compete in 4H and open shows often. My favorite trainer was my 4H one that yelled at me and made me cry multiple times. I know how to be pushed and pushed until success.

When I started with a HJ trainer she told me I had to drop 4H in order to have any kind of success. I dropped 4h and she taught my horse to rush jumps and to not work on contact. I left her before show season started.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

Becca93 said:


> Is there any other available trainers in the area?
> 
> Personally, if someone I had employed to train just up at left without notice, and then returned I wouldn't go back to her. If you are already uncertain then don't go back.


I did try to contact a trainer that was in the Youth Olympics, I believe, years ago. She did not answer the email we sent her, even though she posted it as the email to set up a lesson.

There is one more I am thinking of contacting, after I talk to some people that use her.

Once I get my license, I am going to look at going someplace 2 hours away for a lesson once a month since the lady is absolutely outstanding. I watched her ride at Richland Horse Park on a VERY hot horse, that would do like jumpy canter strides in show jumping, and she sat on him and rode it perfectly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Monthly lessons may prove to be very slow progress. Most people with a lot of talent in their chosen field are often lacking in social skills. In high school there was a math teacher with a military background and that is how he taught. It was a shock to his students at first and they were scared of him. But they sure appreciated how they all passed their finals with brilliant marks. You should be shopping for skill not sociability.


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## 40232 (Jan 10, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> Monthly lessons may prove to be very slow progress. Most people with a lot of talent in their chosen field are often lacking in social skills. In high school there was a math teacher with a military background and that is how he taught. It was a shock to his students at first and they were scared of him. But they sure appreciated how they all passed their finals with brilliant marks. You should be shopping for skill not sociability.


I'm not sure how I am looking for sociability. My favorite trainer was the one who yelled at me and made me feel terrible. So tell me how this relates? Someone already mentioned this, higher in the thread, so now it just seems like people are trying to accuse me of looking for social traits?


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

I don't think there's anything wrong with a trainer suggesting new tack, you didn't have to buy it, but you chose to, and there was no money going into her pocket (or was there?) from you purchasing new tack, so I don't think there were an ulterior motives... I also don't think she was completely out of line smacking your horse, but because I don't know the EXACT situation (and you've gone back and forth on that detail a little bit) I'll leave it at that...

That said, I would be irritated if my coach dropped off the face of the earth, but would learn to get over it. Coaches are people too, and if you don't have a close, personal relationship with her (even if you do), you have no idea exactly what was going on in her life, if she was forced to move, had to do so quickly, if things weren't going well, etc.

All in all, it sounds like she helped you a lot _with your horse_, which is exactly what coaches are there to do and for that reason alone I would probably suck it up and go back to her. Yeah, it sucks that some 'bad feelings' were left over, but you might be able to get over it and create a good working relationship with her again, especially since you've had such rotten luck finding a coach that works well with you and your horse. I, personally, wouldn't hold a grudge.


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## SketchyHorse (May 14, 2012)

KylieHuitema said:


> At most, it was his whiskers touching her. And I forgot a key detail.
> 
> After the second lesson, she said my saddle makes me lean too far forward, so she advised me to get a new one, with a bridle. On top of that, certain show clothes, etc etc. She suggested a saddle, which we went ahead and bought. All in all, we spent $2000. Dora said that "she would only suggest new tack if it really would help" but is having a family drop $2000 and then saying adios really fair and right?


This is fairly normal with some trainers & show coaches... I have a friend who's college show team handed her a list of all the appropriate attire they wanted her to have. I'm not talking just helmet, boots, saddle, etc. They were specific helmets (Charles Owen, etc.), jacket color - so on. Another friend of mine joined a higher level show team where the coach requires all her HUS girls to have black show jackets. No it's not unreasonable for coaches & trainers to ask for those things. Especially when it's something you _really _want to get into (like a show team) or a really good trainer. Having you purchase a new saddle doesn't seem unreasonable to me at _ALL. _If the saddle placed you in an incorrect or potentially unsafe position - I'd WANT my trainer to tell me that. My trainer didn't require me to purchase a Dressage saddle when I started lessons with her, but I did anyway. Why learn something but not have the proper equipment?

The barn I'm boarding at now had a BM previous to the current one who constantly changed her mind about things. Barn was open to public board, then it was private, lesson program was huge, then it was small. People still went back to her because they adored her & their kids did too. She decides to up & move state? Not sure if she forewarned everyone, but closes down her entire lesson program. To end up NOT staying out there (I'm not even sure if she went) to pick up again then move out of state AGAIN. Coaches & trainers are people too. My trainer loves me to death & I know there's been times she's read my text messages then forgotten to reply. She rides 8+ horses a day, teaches who knows how many lessons, and has a baby to raise. I expect to get ignored every now & then.


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