# For those of you who have been "bashed" on any threads



## redrose1 (Jan 17, 2014)

Whether it's Twitter, Facebook, message boards or chat rooms, the Internet seems to be a magnet for nasty comments -- and few result in real-world consequences. But why are people so mean on the Internet?
The root, it seems, may lie deep within the human psyche. The majority of communication is non-verbal, composed of body language, eye contact, speech tone and language patterns. Without this information to help us process and categorize information, our minds are left to sort through the uncertain. And, thanks to a leftover prehistoric penchant for fight or flight, being unsure about another person's intent often creates a negative reaction to a perceived threat [source: Gardner].
By continually presenting only our "best selves" online and reaping the emotional benefits of lots of "likes" on Facebook for instance, psychologists say our self-esteem may bloom disproportionately -- and negatively impact self-control. The result? You'll feel entitled to be an online meanie. Experts also posit that people sometimes actually forget that they're speaking out loud when they post a snarky comment -- writing something from a smartphone almost seems like you're talking only to yourself [source: Bernstein].
This lack of inhibition also may be connected to a physical distance from the people to whom comments are directed. Turns out, the closer physical proximity you have to someone, the less likely you are to be mean-spirited. For example, one recent study found game show contestants were less likely to vote off a contestant standing next to them than one standing further away [source: Dallas].
But here's an unexpected consequence: Lobbing snarky comments online -- even if no one knows your real identity -- could be bad for your health.


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

Red Rose you have a point, I was on another forum and found a lot of negativity and unfriendly comments. I don't go there anymore because of that. It's nice when someone is asking for help or advice to give it in a positive way. I sure hope I do that and don't come across as critical or overbearing. On this forum I have noticed a lot of experienced, knowledgeable horse people who are willing to share this knowledge with others, there is a vast amount of good information here. I learn every day.


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## redrose1 (Jan 17, 2014)

I see it quite a bit on these forums. Sad to say. I just don't understand why people can't just say, "you can try this or you can try that...." DON"T start telling people that they don't know horses or their horse is spoiled rotten.
Because people on these boards really DON"T know the other person's horse. I try and help when I can and I'll give my own experiences and what has helped me. If I feel like I have nothing to offer and I really feel the person should NOT own the horse they have, I keep it to myself. I might say something like, "just be careful, this horse can hurt you - be safe." 
I REALLY don't think some of these people would say half the stuff they are saying to the other person's FACE. They might say they would but I don't believe it. That's not human nature. MOST successful clinicians have good people manners and are patient with them. 99.9% of the time, it's the person, not the horse that has the issue. I've only seen a couple that have been pretty rude with people and I see MOST people don't respond well to it. Or they feel intimidated and can't learn. I have had people tell me on these forums, "you're wuzzy, you are being run by your horse and much worse." 
Do they know me? NO. Do they know my horse? NO. I guess I"m just from another planet because I would never say something like that. That is just belittling and it gets you no where but a fight. 
I would like them to come to my house or go for a ride with me and then say that right to my face. Do I really think they would do that? NO.
I ride with my boss who can't ride. She does just about everything wrong in the book. Pulling on her horse's face constantly - NO release, smacking him with the whip when he clearly doesn't understand what she's trying to tell him. I say NOTHING. Unless she asks me. And if she did, I would NEVER say to her what people would say on the internet behind their computer. 
And there are some people who probably shouldn't ride horses because they simply can't read them. If you can't hear what your horse is telling you, you probably won't have a good working relationship. There has to be respect on both ends. 
I've read alot of good posts on here and some I just shake my head. 
I just think it's become easier for people to be nasty and mean because there is no human contact. I for one will never forget what human contact is like and how I would want to be talked to.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

I approach it with the thought "it's only the internet, not my life". Say whatever you like. I don't know you and it doesn't matter.


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## Tack Collector (Nov 10, 2009)

I think the people in my little town, particularly the ones about age 27 and under, are pretty snarky and unfiltered in real life, as are some of the neanderthal working class males here, too. Some stuff it's okay to think, but just don't ever say or write it. And the less of your personal life you post on the Internet, the better, regardless of which format or forum we are talking about. Put something out there, and you just set yourself up to be a lightning rod for criticism.



> *“**“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time.” *


 --- Abraham Lincoln. 

(and that was before Internet and Facebook, haha)


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## dkb811 (Oct 15, 2013)

I have seen many nasty replies and what seems to be all out attacks on people. I can see how inexperienced people might be hesitant to even ask a question. Not everyone has thick skin. Some of this is done in the name of" saving your life" but kindness would help them much more. Make people feel like crap and they will just shut down and leave, that's not helping them.


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## MyhorseJoey (Apr 14, 2014)

Yeah some sites are that way that's why I left a lot of them


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## redrose1 (Jan 17, 2014)

squirrelfood said:


> I approach it with the thought "it's only the internet, not my life". Say whatever you like. I don't know you and it doesn't matter.



I wonder how old you are? Because that's really sad. It is ONLY the internet but do you realize that just because you don't know the other person and it doesn't matter to you how sad that is for the other person on the other end?? I seriously doubt that you wouldn't feel something if someone said you were an idiot on line. That would mean you were not human


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## redrose1 (Jan 17, 2014)

dkb811 said:


> I have seen many nasty replies and what seems to be all out attacks on people. I can see how inexperienced people might be hesitant to even ask a question. Not everyone has thick skin. Some of this is done in the name of" saving your life" but kindness would help them much more. Make people feel like crap and they will just shut down and leave, that's not helping them.


You're right. I think alot of people won't post because of that. Not everyone started out knowing everything. And I think people forget that. There have been alot of postings on FB about how rude people are these days compared to the 1950's or 60's. Parents had control over their kids. Kids were shamed if they did something wrong. Now a days, kids don't care. If I acted like most young people do now a days when I was a kid, I would have been SLAPPED for it. Or even the "look" would have put me in my place. It's called manners. 
I think the ones who do ask for help and get berated, don't come back. I don't blame them and I hope they don't leave feeling so berated that they give up.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

I really cannot understand why people allow things to get to them when written on the Internet. If you don't like it then stop going back to read it. 

I was taught to deal with bullies by standing up to them, to not let them win by letting them effct me. To fight my own battles. Very few bullies will stand up on their own or, if their efforts to hurt do not work they soon get bored. 

Many times people try to be something they are not. It doesn't work for long because they will soon trip up. It happens on this forum, people giving advice when they have little experience and are just repeating what has been written before. 

I do have a thick skin because I will not allow things to get to me, anyone can develop this. 

Nowadays it seems that teasing, in good spirit can be taken as bullying, such pity because teasing teaches a person how to react so it doesn't turn to bullying.

The thing that has impressed me about this forum is how it is so friendly _because _ of the work the moderators do and how they try stop any foreseeable problems before they start.


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## dkb811 (Oct 15, 2013)

And God forbid if you want to pet your horse, give it a treat or otherwise show some sort of affection. I get you have to be a leader and they don't think like humans , but I want to enjoy my horse. Of course in a safe way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dkb811 (Oct 15, 2013)

On the flip side, I have seen some very kind people and I'm in awe of their knowledge!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PrivatePilot (Dec 7, 2009)

To play devils advocate, there are a lot of new horse owners who show up on forums like this, are given advice with the best of intentions, dislike said advice and get their backs up, and then claim that people are being ignorant and rude when those trying to help stand their ground. 

Sometimes the truth hurts, and although I will agree some people can state facts more tactfully than others, it doesn't change the fact that some people feel backed into a corner and "insulted" whenever someone's comment doesn't fit their personal viewpoint of a situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EquineObsessed (May 24, 2013)

Honestly, I think that if something somebody says on the internet can get under your skin and offend you, you're not cut out for horses. Maybe I do have thick skin, but nobody here knows me. Unless they are offering real, helpful advice, I ignore the rest. I know I would be a miserable person if I was offended by all of the things I read that irk me on the internet, so I choose not to let it bother me. I think people forget that getting offended is just as much a choice as choosing to post something that could be taken the wrong way.
I appreciate how blunt everyone here is. People that do know us and our situations tend to sugar coat it. The advice here is objective, and what you receive depends on the quality of your explanation of the situation. If you don't feel like what your getting is applicable, either brush it off and move to the next post or try to explain yourself better.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

redrose1 said:


> I wonder how old you are? Because that's really sad. It is ONLY the internet but do you realize that just because you don't know the other person and it doesn't matter to you how sad that is for the other person on the other end?? I seriously doubt that you wouldn't feel something if someone said you were an idiot on line. That would mean you were not human


I am 66 years old and I do have friends, some of which I met on the 'net. If someone wants to be rude and call me names, they DO NOT matter, whether on the 'net or in real life, and I really don't care a bit about how rude people feel when I ignore them. I have FAMILY that calls me idiot because I have horses. They get no slack when they are rude, so why should a stranger?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

I often get into trouble for things I say, which can at times be very very frustrating, because what I write reads fine to me, and is meant in genuine help or genuine questions, but people choose to get upset by what I say.

Some of it is age related, some of it is cultural, I see sometimes when UK people 'get' me but others don't.

Really though, the internet is no different from life, apart from now you are talking to a world wide audience, and here you have mods to protect you. Honestly people, use your own filters, put people who annoy you on ignore, my personal list is ever growing. Realise that some harsh messages are give out of worry about the situation you are in, we have seen so many people getting on a mess, we are trying to stop you making the same mistake.

Also do remember that no everyone is who they say they are, ad many of us have spent ages online and via pm trying to help a person only to find that you are dealing with a troll, and that is very frustrating.

In the end, it's the internet, everyone gets to have their say, share their genuine beliefs, and sadly so often things break down because people jump into defend an OP, when no defence is needed, again, let people decide who they listen to, but at least run all the possibilities through your mind.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

dkb811 said:


> And God forbid if you want to pet your horse, give it a treat or otherwise show some sort of affection. I get you have to be a leader and they don't think like humans , but I want to enjoy my horse. Of course in a safe way.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Someone wanna come tell me I can't hand feed my stallion his carrots and hug his neck. I will laugh you all the way home. It's never been a problem in the years I've owned him because he was raised to be a gentleman in all things and bred to have a sweet disposition. I know my horse well. How well do YOU know him?


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

We have user names that give us anonymity for a reason, and it has both benefits and drawbacks.
My experience is that people are generally about as nice on the internet as they are in real life. they might be a tad bit blunter, but if they are generally an empathetic and considerate person in real life, this will show in their posts on a forum, and the converse is true.

however, if the rudest and cruelest expressions are left un moderated, then they beget a culture of the same. folks who are not normally aggressive in their approach can be swayed into a meaner aspect by the general tone of the group. that's the ugly part, and as a moderator, that's why we attempt to stop such things from developing from the beginning.

on the other side (aren't there always a bunch of sides?), people come to pose a question, usually, to get some answers or ideas. if you ask, you need to be realistic in knowing that the answers will reflect a wide spectrum of individual knowledge and tolerance and courtesy. You go fishing, you can't pick and chose what bites.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

tinyliny said:


> We have user names that give us anonymity for a reason, and it has both benefits and drawbacks.
> My experience is that people are generally about as nice on the internet as they are in real life. they might be a tad bit blunter, but if they are generally an empathetic and considerate person in real life, this will show in their posts on a forum, and the converse is true..


I travelled across to the US to meet up with a group of people I had met in a forum. My late boss' wife was most concerned that I might be meeting with an ax murderer or some other pervert. My boss, just laughed and said that he pitied either if they crossed me!

The people I met up with were exactly as they were in the forum, I had such a great time and truthfully made great 'real' friends.

Oh, I did meet with a problem and that was calling them their real names and not their net ones!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Well, get ready, 'cause one of these days, I plan to come across the Pond and show up on the doorstep of some of our Brit members!


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## ligoleth (Sep 9, 2011)

In my opinion, some of the folk who take their toys and go home like to think they have a "special" pony, or that they themselves can do no wrong. 

Personal accountability in accepting where you, yourself, come off as, instead of pointing the dirty finger at others and saying "they're mean" goes long and far. I have learned to accept the advice of others, when I ask for it, even if it isn't something I want to hear. 

Sometimes we have to buck, and suck it up, while nailing down our pride to even fix a problem. As much as I would like to think I'm a pretty decent rider, or decent at anything, I realize how far I have to go. I've gotten some harsh criticism before, but I'm still here. And I've learned from it.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

In real life, I am much blunter than I am online. I was not raised in the era of "be nice and pat everyone on the head" and have never subscribed to it.

As for not knowing someone or their horse? Most of the time, when that response is given, it is because the poster doesn't want to hear the truth.

And, while we may not know you or your horse? We do know horses, and like it or not, we have a pretty good grasp on what is going on with your horse and you. Moreso if you post a video.

Quite a few of us have decades of experience, with more than one breed, and more than one discipline. So we do know what we are talking about more than likely, without knowing you or your horse.

It is also aggravating to deal with someone who is of the "yes/but" syndrome.

Those who say "yes I have a problem and this is what is happening" and you give them good, sound advice, and then you get "BUT" to the advice. It happens time and again. 

Add in a few trolls to the mix and there you go.

People need to quit being so sensitive is what I think.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Palomine said:


> In real life, I am much blunter than I am online. I was not raised in the era of "be nice and pat everyone on the head" and have never subscribed to it.
> 
> As for not knowing someone or their horse? Most of the time, when that response is given, it is because the poster doesn't want to hear the truth.
> 
> ...


Palomine,

I'm kind of laughing to imagine you even blunter in real life!


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Well, you wouldn't be the first! You would be more than welcome and I mean that. 

One thing I ask, give me notice so I can knock a few cobwebs down!


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## Heleen Strydom (Sep 2, 2013)

To be perfectly honest, I am not comfortable posting my next question because of some replies I got on my other threads. I promised myself I would not get upset because of the comments, but hey, I am human and it really p**** me off when people judge my character, background or horse without knowing me. 

Maybe we should all have look at where the thread is posted before reading it. I post all my questions under New to Horses, because that's exactly what I am - NEW TO HORSES!!! If inexperienced people like myself irritates you, don't read the threads under New to Horses!


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

If people being mean or rude to you on the internet puts a rift in your day or some how upsets you... I think you need help. At the end of the day theses are WORD ON A SCREEN! If you want to ride bridless, hand feed your horse or continue to let your horse bite that's YOU business. What people say here isn't the end all be all or gospel of horse training. They are words on a page which you can choose to take or ignore. 

Also, when members post something it's not because they want to "hate" "bash" or be "mean" to you. They 1) took time out of their day to help you FOR FREE 2) have nothing to lose. At the end of the day it's not going to be my neck, my wallet, my life, my lawsuit, my family's burden... We, here on the HF, have nothing to lose by giving you advice. It's only ment to help the poster. 

Another thing is people now a days have no idea how to except criticism. When someone tell you that you need lessons, your horse is spoiled or what your doing it's dangerous it not because they want to hurt your feelings. It's because your riding needs improvement, your horse is running they show and your going to get hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

As someone who has focused a great deal of their career on communicating effectively to a wide variety of people, usually about very sensitive topics, I find that YES, what you say to people in writing DOES affect them, even if it is "just" the internet. 

HOW you say something can mean the difference between someone listening to what you have to say, and that person shutting down because they feel attacked and demeaned. It is quite a bit different in written communication than spoken communication, because you don't have eye contact, subtle body language, or tone of voice to base your opinion off of. 

It seems that a lot of horse folks think that having tact, or learning to communicate effectively means that you are somehow babying or coddling the other person, ergo contributing to some sort of epidemic of weakness in the community- and I find it more than a little disturbing when people are PROUD of being nasty to others. 

Don't get me wrong - I have had my fair share of fights and scuff-ups with people online. I am firmly of the mind that some people won't listen, no matter what you say or how you say it, if they're not being told what they want to hear. In that case, the best solution is to simply back away and go do something more productive with your time. 

People are people wherever you go, and nobody enjoys being insulted, demeaned, talked down to, or told how wrong they are. But some people might do well to examine HOW they communicate their ideas before blaming how they are taken on everyone else being unable to "take it".


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## Heleen Strydom (Sep 2, 2013)

Well said Mulefeather!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Mulefeather said:


> People are people wherever you go, and nobody enjoys being insulted, demeaned, talked down to, or told how wrong they are. But some people might do well to examine HOW they communicate their ideas before blaming how they are taken on everyone else being unable to "take it".


But why does the onus fall on the deliverer to change? I never set out to belittle anyone, I often have toned down my initial thoughts to post, but still it seems to me that people CHOOSE, to take offence where none was intended. I get to be called mean poopy head, when I have taken the time to give what I think is good advice.

It is funny how often I have felt attacked by people assuming that I'm being mean, when that was not my intention, again, it's the internet, you post, you judge others, others judge you, Oh just like real life, but this big audience. 

Walk away people, put the ones who annoy you on ignore, don't visit threads, boards or sites that you know will upset you. If you can't cope with what the internet is, stay the heck off of it.

And while I am unloading this "If you can't say anything nice don;t say it at all" which I know from Bambi....Disney advice, well I have to balance that with my mother, who was a true lady, from another generation, who raised me with her heartfelt lore "Tell the truth and shame the devil"


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

> It seems that a lot of horse folks think that having tact, or learning to communicate effectively means that you are somehow babying or coddling the other person, ergo contributing to some sort of epidemic of weakness in the community- and I find it more than a little disturbing when people are PROUD of being nasty to others.


Exactly WHY what anyone says to me on the 'net doesn't matter a hill of beans. Why would I want to acknowledge those types?


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## Strawberry4Me (Sep 13, 2012)

It's interesting how the human brain works, and how people's behavior changes depending on the "company" they are in. Sociology was always very interesting to me in college. Interesting how people can be downright rude one minute, and then talking about how rude other people are the next. What many of these people need is a mirror. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

Majority of people whom are rude or bullies on the internet would never have the edacity to be rude in person. Its a cowardly way of picking on someone if you ask me.


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## PrivatePilot (Dec 7, 2009)

I think a big part of the problem is that the younger generation especially gets their feelings hurt ridiculously easy.

When you've grown up in a bubble thinking the world revolves around you, you can do no wrong and *any* criticism (constructive or otherwise) constitutes a personal attack or insult, sometimes the real world can be a scary place – and the world of forums can sometimes be a blunt entry into the "real world" for some of the younger crowd. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

Amazing that this thread is going on with everyone agreeing with the OP and then it is considered perfectly acceptable to post death threats and hateful things about international riders :-(
If doing one is okay, then the other is also okay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

~*~anebel~*~ said:


> Amazing that this thread is going on with everyone agreeing with the OP and then it is considered perfectly acceptable to post death threats and hateful things about international riders :-(
> If doing one is okay, then the other is also okay.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


not everyone is agreeing with the OP. and I don't think anyone said it was ok to post death threats. I really cant see the logic of your jump here.


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

So many times I see threads on this forum bashing BNTs - which does escalate to them receiving death threats for being "animal abusers".

Humans make mistakes and we should all be willing to stick together through it.
Many of us have been through the school of hard knocks (especially these BNTs) and instead of bashing them we should be asking for their advice and assistance and listening to what they say regardless of the wrapper it comes in...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

GoldenHorse, I do agree with you that it's important to tell the truth, but also to control yourself. I see people hanging out in forums or chats where they are constantly upset by the other people on it, and wonder what they're getting out of it. But, again, some people enjoy being offended or feeling righteous anger. 

For me, I try to word things carefully and think about what I'm saying. If someone takes offense after that, oh well - I gave it my best shot. Recently I had a young man on one of the IRC forums I hang out on start attacking me for being an "alcoholic" because I was talking about drinking one day. I may enjoy a JD & diet coke a few times a month, but I'm far from an alcoholic. Moral of the story, some people are just nuts! 

PrivatePilot, it does seem to be a lot of young people who think they can turn the tide by screaming at the sea loudly enough.


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## Remali (Jul 22, 2008)

Interesting topic. It's sort of sad when you think about it. My take on it is... much like bullies in our every day life (whether they be at school or at work or where ever), I think people who tend to be rude, name call, or just be plain nasty, have issues with themselves or with their own lives, and just take that out on others. You can't take it personally, or, well, at least you shouldn't, because it is really the other person's problem and their issue that they have with communicating with others effectively and in a positive manner.


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## PrivatePilot (Dec 7, 2009)

~*~anebel~*~ said:


> Amazing that this thread is going on with everyone agreeing with the OP


Actually, (as tiny mentioned) I think most people did *not* agree with the OP, which is likely the reason she hasn't been back. Her other thread that prompted this one (search the history if you want to read it) went the same way, with the same result.

I've been here long enough to see this happen hundreds, if not thousands of times...some of the threads are infuriating and I've bit my tongue on most. I'll give kudos to the staff for not pulling their hair out as they surely deal with the situations a lot more than any of us will ever know.

Basically, Don't come to a forum full of very knowledgeable people, as questions of said people, and then get upset about the answers just because you don't like them. 

I'm an admin at a large diesel truck forum and have seen it happen on rare occasion there too, the difference is that our membership is 99.9% adult men so the "hurt feelings" situation doesn't happen, and most are sensible enough to realize that when they ask for help the advice they're given is worth following.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I speak online as I speak in person, however I have to tone it down online, otherwise I would be banned on most forums. Also it's no fun being rude and snarky online, if someone insults you online, you can't punch them, kick them, etc, lol.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

There are rules to civil discourse in most all societies, many people are either unaware of them or they ignore them on the internet, or in "real life". It is just that in "real life" people tend to only socialize or engage in conversation with one of the two groups (those that follow the rules of civil discourse, those that do not).


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Actually, PrivatePilot, I DO tear my hair out. But not because of the forum but because I have trichotilomania; a compulsive disorder where a person pulls their own hair out. But, that's neither here nor there.

I am not sure what the OP wants from this. if it's to bash HF, then it has no place or purpose here. any chance we can just take it for what it is, and move on? threads about bashing often turn into bashing, and then they get retired early. just how it goes.


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## Remali (Jul 22, 2008)

I do agree with the OP. 

Whether it is online on a forum, or your everyday life out in public, or where ever.... there is no place in the world for being rude or nasty. I did not take the OP's post as a way to bash the forum, I took as just some ponderings on how people act online, as compared to face to face with people. I do see a difference when some people are online, compared to face to face.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Remali said:


> I do agree with the OP.
> 
> Whether it is online on a forum, or your everyday life out in public, or where ever.... there is no place in the world for being rude or nasty. I did not take the OP's post as a way to bash the forum, I took as just some ponderings on how people act online, as compared to face to face with people. I do see a difference when some people are online, compared to face to face.


I agree that no one should be rude or nasty anywhere, but many people take words out of context. That, or they instantly feel attacked as soon as someone has a different opinion or tells them they are doing something wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

SlideStop said:


> I agree that no one should be rude or nasty anywhere, but many people take words out of context. That, or they instantly feel attacked as soon as someone has a different opinion or tells them they are doing something wrong.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly, it seems that having a different view point is often seen as negative, or because someone does not wrap a suggestion in a bouquet of beautiful words it is somehow harsh.

You know what really makes me laugh though, sometime ago I posted a question about trainers who bully, and 99% of people who responded said that the preferred a trainer who "told them straight" a lot of people support trainers who make them cry, because it pushes then to be better. So sports coaches and trainers can be direct, and tell people to "suck it up and get on with it" People who care passionate about the safety, or well being of both horse and rider and say so online are "bashing"


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

If one believes their opinion to be fact, and anything that is not in agreement to be “wrong”, but believes that attacking others on a personal level qualifies as support of their “facts”, then they probably don’t and are unable to understand what separates fact from opinion, much less the fact that attacking someone on a personal level wouldn’t qualify as “support” of _any_ known fact. I am sure that it is easy to find people in real life that can’t simply discuss a subject w/o attacking participants, but few would go looking for them. I don’t think the actual number of individuals that make/take civil exchange “personal” has increased; the internet simply provides a means of estimating how common they are.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

There is no doubt in my mind that people are getting more and more sensitive as the years go by. 
Secondly, although it has improved a lot, there is a great deal of difference between the sense of humour of the Americans and the UK and antipodeans. I know when I first came on the Internet I offended some with my humour. It was not intentional just that what the Brits, Aussies and NZ find funny the Americans took offence. The greatest difference being that we can laugh at ourselves and our country whereas the US takes things more seriously. 

When it comes to open forums people ask and then when they are told that their horse does not have a problem - they do and how to deal with it, they don't like it and get on their high horse, so to speak. 

I often type out a reply and then erase it because, although truthful it is to harsh. I am sure that many of us have wanted to write something like - _you are an ignoramus that knows nothing and should not be within a mile of a horse let alone own one_ - but temper it down to something a little more helpful.

If I disagree with a reply I will say so, just as others have done to my replies. This is healthy, we should never stop learning, 

No matter how experienced someone is there are, with horses, problems that you have not come across or another answer to consider.

I would love to have a meeting with many of the folk on this forum, not just to see what they are like in real life but also to learn from them. 

I know that should I have something I had not come across before then I would turn to Cherie for advice. I would not take offence at what she says but would certainly try her method. That is fine, I know she has been there, done that and got the T shirt. Then, I am more open minded than many.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

antipodeans?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> antipodeans?



Those weird folk who walk upside down on the bottom of the globe, don't know how you all stay on mate:wink:


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

that from Gullivers Travels?


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

tinyliny said:


> antipodeans?


Pronounced An tip o de ans Those living where there are roos, kiwis, greet you with g'day. 
The ones on the bigger 'island' that thrash us Brits at cricket and those on the smaller islands where Lord of the Rings was made!


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## Tack Collector (Nov 10, 2009)

PrivatePilot said:


> I think a big part of the problem is that the younger generation especially gets their feelings hurt ridiculously easy.
> I think that's true. Look at how many of them do not hesitate to viciously attack everyone who doesn't say "Oh, you are so wonderful and you are doing everything so perfectly." Then those same kids were the first ones to go crying to moderators and reporting posts and negative-repping anyone who was "rude" to them in return.
> 
> Whatever happened to If You Dish It Out, Be Prepared To Take It?? Aparently parents didn't clue their kids to expect the world to fight back??!!! :lol: I'm not sure what the moderators have had to do on this board, but the other board started to need fulltime babysitters. Lots of adults quit because of all the nonsense and lack of other adults, and some kids and possible a few adults got kicked off the board altogether.
> ...



*grown up in a bubble thinking the world revolves around you, you can do no wrong and *any* criticism (constructive or otherwise) constitutes a personal attack or insult -- *I think that's exactly what happened with most of the young white males "from good families" who've gone on killing and stabbing rampages: That feeling that they are somehow better than others, and the rest of the world should bow down and cater to them the way their parents do. They can't take life's ordinary disappointments, and can't face that other people treat them as only "ordinary" (not "special") because they've been built up too much as "special" by their parents. They apparently didn't get the message that you have to fit into society, and sometimes (maybe often) you'll get less respect, money, special treatment, etc., than what you wanted or thought you deserved. There was a stabbing spree at a Pittsburgh area school (Franklin High) and the area's discussions of motive are keeping the incident in the news.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Foxhunter said:


> The ones on the bigger 'island' that thrash us Brits at cricket !


*whispers* not _always_....just most of the time


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

Tack Collector said:


> *grown up in a bubble thinking the world revolves around you, you can do no wrong and *any* criticism (constructive or otherwise) constitutes a personal attack or insult -- *I think that's exactly what happened with most of the young white males "from good families" who've gone on killing and stabbing rampages: That feeling that they are somehow better than others, and the rest of the world should bow down and cater to them the way their parents do. They can't take life's ordinary disappointments, and can't face that other people treat them as only "ordinary" (not "special") because they've been built up too much as "special" by their parents. They apparently didn't get the message that you have to fit into society, and sometimes (maybe often) you'll get less respect, money, special treatment, etc., than what you wanted or thought you deserved. There was a stabbing spree at a Pittsburgh area school (Franklin High) and the area's discussions of motive are keeping the incident in the news.


 Seriously?


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

I think that life is a lot harder for children of today than it was when I was young.

Training anything, be it a dog, horse or child takes effort and time, rules and boundaries. 
Society as a whole has got lax, many are not prepared to put the time and effort into doing things that require discipline. 
Governments are making laws telling how and how not parents should raise their children. 

As many parents are not prepared to lay down the law they allow their children to watch all sorts of TV and play any video game.
A child playing a war game gets killed so goes back and tries again. They find cheats so they don't die. Then, if violence appears in life and they reciprocate, is the thought implanted in the back of their brain that that person will just not really be dead? 

Personally I feel it is a shame that children of today have to grow up so fast. They do not have the responsibilities that many of my era did. (I was out to work full time at 15) I wasn't earning a lot and my Mother took half of my earning towards my keep. As my wages increased so did my contribution. 

Mum had rules and anyone living in the home had to abide by them. No escaping her! Many times it would have been easier to give in but she always stood firm. Dad always agreed with her and, I can honestly say, I never heard my parents argue until I was 14 and that was over a rescue dog I wanted! Mum won that one by saying, "We are getting her and that's that!" 

What was considered teasing is now called bullying. Parents get involved with trivial childhood arguments, they object when a child is punished at school. 

The biggest loss of all is the use of common sense which seems to have flown out the window.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Foxhunter said:


> The biggest loss of all is the use of common sense which seems to have flown out the window.


AMEN to that


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Foxhunter said:


> I think that life is a lot harder for children of today than it was when I was young.
> 
> Training anything, be it a dog, horse or child takes effort and time, rules and boundaries.
> Society as a whole has got lax, many are not prepared to put the time and effort into doing things that require discipline.
> ...


That's it!


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

Foxhunter said:


> Parents get involved with trivial childhood arguments, they object when a child is punished at school.


Corporal punishment is School?, the one time I got paddled at school, I could not sit down for an hour, when I got home my dad made it so I could not sit for 3 hours :lol::lol:

That was in 4th grade, needles to say I was the best student in school for the rest of my 8 years till I graduated :wink:

Lack of good old fashioned disciple is one thing that is lacking in today's society.

.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

> Lack of good old fashioned disciple is one thing that is lacking in today's society.


That's often called child abuse now.


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## blue eyed pony (Jun 20, 2011)

squirrelfood said:


> That's often called child abuse now.


Which is absolutely stupid if you ask me and entirely what's wrong with the world - everyone's too preoccupied with the rights of the child and not concerned enough with this thing called TEACHING KIDS TO SHOW RESPECT.

I'm 19. I was smacked when I was little. I'm also one of the few people my age I know who actually has a job, doesn't smoke, rarely drinks [and when I do I only ever have one] and has never gotten involved with the wrong sort of people.

I work in a customer-service oriented job in the food industry. I see SO many parents who don't know how to say no to their kids. And their kids are, invariably, little monsters with no manners. I even served one kid who tried to get away with not paying for his ice cream - unluckily for him I take payment before I serve the food.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

I see a lot of really good kids, and yes there are, and always have been, ill-mannered children that are products of ill-mannered parents. The public school system is not geared toward education, it appears more geared toward giving everyone a blue ribbon regardless of their true achievement and behavior. So, they can never hope to feel the _true_ sense of achievement, regardless of how hard they work or well they behave. Then, there are few scholarships based purely on merit, but many scholarships that are designed to what tad amounts to "underachievers". What could possibly deter kids that are raised by ill-mannered, "entitlement" minded parents in an "entitlement" minded society from being ill-mannered and entitlement minded?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

squirrelfood said:


> That's often called child abuse now.


AHa, see there we are..

What I considered discipline, a whack on the hand or backside, is now called abuse.

What I call plain speaking and hard truths is now called harassment and bullying

Terms that were descriptive, eg. black sheep of the family, are now racist.

My mother letting me play outside from first light to dusk, letting me explore and discover the world, would now be neglect.

But in that time of discipline, rules, and not having to watch every word less one offends someone, I grew and developed, and learned to work for what wanted, and also found the consequences of getting it wrong. 

When I didn't win I was told it was because I was not good enough, so I could choose to work harder and get better or quit. 

Aghh I don't know I guess I got lucky with my parents, I knew the difference between them not liking my behaviour and not liking me, and that is what so often is missing from this sort of thing.

People say they are being attacked, but what is being commented on so often are your actions, not YOU, and there is a huge difference, and that is what is missing online. I can tell my friend that she is being an idiot, doesn't mean we are not friends any more, just that I don't like that one thing she is doing. Online we don't know anyone, so people take things so very personally.

If I say that ohh lets see "You shouldn't have bred your mare because now you say you can't afford a vet" I'm not saying that YOU ARE A HORRIBLE WORTHLESS PERSON, what I am saying is that you have made a decision, a bad one, and I don't like that,you maybe a perfectly nice person.

I'm struggling to put this into the written word, but just stop taking things so personally people, 

1) Often it is your actions that are being criticised, not you as a person, it's different.

2) Not one of us is right all the time, and if we don't have our mistakes pointed out to us, how do we improve?

3) In any one thread, being as we are horse people there will be a minimum of 3 different opinions on any one subject, it is up to the reader to find balance in the spread of replies, not up to each responder to give balance in each of their replies.

4) It's the internet, you are getting a global view, remember different cultures do things differently, explain things differently, and even view things differently.

5) It's the internet, walk away, switch off, go take a walk, use the ignore feature, or maybe read, decide not it does or doesn't apply to you, and then file in the appropriate place.

6) IMPORTANTLY, :lol: Remember you are dealing with a lot of horse nuts here, the sort of people who will happily wear shoes with holes in, so dobbin can have new shoes, who will forgo all sorts of things so the horses are fed well, vetted when needed and live a good life. This is normal behaviour to a lot of people.


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## EquineObsessed (May 24, 2013)

This was my upbringing as well. There's another thread going on about the choice to have children- a huge part of my not liking kids is because they are so undisciplined. 

I got spanked, probably not as much as I deserved. I spent my childhood outside, in the woods, building forts, shooting a bow and arrow, four wheeling, riding, etc. Now when I babysit, all kids want to do is play on their ipad or watch Netflix. The word "No" starts world war three. 

We are all encouraged to have our own opinions, but disagreeing with someone is considered a personal offense, even harassment. So we are supposed to have our own opinions, as long as we agree with everyone. Because, if someone disagrees or gives us advice we need to hear, that means they hate us (heavy sarcasm). Oh, people these days. I can't imagine spending as much energy as some people do being offended. I was born in the wrong generation! I am a firm believer in tough love. I think it's the best kind.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

It's the only love that matters


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

squirrelfood said:


> It's the only love that matters


Ah, but often love _has_ to be tough!

I do know that as children we were never inside. Sent out to play whatever the weather just to get rid of our energy. 

Children are not allowed to do this nowadays. People worry about pedophiles, chances are remote and back when every adult looked out over any child whether they knew them or not, things were safer. Now if an adult does say something then they are slated for it either by the children or their parents.

Personally that is not something I would worry about, my concern would be the traffic which is far heavier and faster than it was when we were riding our bikes here there and everywhere.

Life has changed and not necessarily for the better.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> Palomine,
> 
> I'm kind of laughing to imagine you even blunter in real life!



Oh I am, very much so, and don't pull punches.

My best friend of almost 30 years now, used to tell people, do NOT ask her what she thinks about something because she is going to tell you exactly what she thinks, and you may get your feelings hurt.

And honestly, when someone is being a fool, telling them plainly is much better than *****footing around the matter.

And sometimes I will tell a person, do you want me to commiserate, or tell you how I really feel, I can do either.

Also tell them "I think you are messing up here...but if you want to go ahead I will support you and defend you, but I will still be saying I TOLD you you were messing up."

MaMaw, a dear friend in her mid 90's at time she died, was my idol. One time her adopted granddaughter was telling her yet another tale of woe about her idiot spouse at time.

MaMaw looked at her and said "J, you always were inclined to sorriness."

Which summed J up in a nutshell too.


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