# I don't trust my horse...



## TrailTraveler

Gosh, I'm sad for you and empathize with you. I have been there, too.

You have a choice to make: (a) You can push yourself through it and hope that your horse doesn't take advantage of your nervousness; (b) you can slow your progress and wait for your confidence to catch up to you; (c) you can sell your horse and find another one that bolsters your confidence.

Because your horse isn't dangerous or difficult now, (b) seems to be a good option. Your confidence may improve as you continue to work with your horse, replacing old, scary memories with new, positive ones. There's nothing wrong with taking your time, becoming comfortable with each new step before moving on to the next. (In fact, in my middle-aged mind, that seems to be the best way of doing things, when time allows. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.")

Some people respond well to pushing themselves, getting an adrenaline rush from completing a task they had once feared. Others, like me, will think, "Well, I got lucky THAT time, but who knows what will happen the next time?" So there is no single, right, one-size-fits-all answer in this case -- just a decision you'll need to make, based on knowing yourself.

Good luck!


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## LoveMyTBPacha

TrailTraveler said:


> Gosh, I'm sad for you and empathize with you. I have been there, too.
> 
> You have a choice to make: (a) You can push yourself through it and hope that your horse doesn't take advantage of your nervousness; (b) you can slow your progress and wait for your confidence to catch up to you; (c) you can sell your horse and find another one that bolsters your confidence.
> 
> Because your horse isn't dangerous or difficult now, (b) seems to be a good option. Your confidence may improve as you continue to work with your horse, replacing old, scary memories with new, positive ones. There's nothing wrong with taking your time, becoming comfortable with each new step before moving on to the next. (In fact, in my middle-aged mind, that seems to be the best way of doing things, when time allows. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.")
> 
> Some people respond well to pushing themselves, getting an adrenaline rush from completing a task they had once feared. Others, like me, will think, "Well, I got lucky THAT time, but who knows what will happen the next time?" So there is no single, right, one-size-fits-all answer in this case -- just a decision you'll need to make, based on knowing yourself.
> 
> Good luck!


Thank you. Those are good things to think about. I think B is a good answer too. It's funny because I used to be so confident when I was little. I'm 26 now and I'm so cautious. I used to jump on a horse and jump over anything, bareback, with no instruction. I didn't care, I just did it. Thankfully I never got hurt. But now I'm trying to do it right. I watch the younger (13, 14, 15 year old) girls and some of them started after me and the just blow me away already. I wish I had that young confidence. I'm proud of the younger girls, not jealous, but I do envy that kind of youthful ability to just go for it. 

I will keep working with my mare. I don't want to sell her, I love her. She's a handful, she puts up a good power struggle sometimes, but she's not a bad girl. Just keep truckin' along I guess 

Thanks again for reading


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## Chevaux

Hey, there's nothing wrong with being cautious - I always think that is a much more mature outlook on, and generally safe course in, life than being foolhardy plus it makes you think ahead and actually do some meaningful planning.

If you can make it happen, why not try taking a few lessons on another horse (or horses)? That might help you put any concerns you have to rest.


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## SlideStop

Can you take some lessons on a school horse to boost your confidence? 

Then take riding your horse at your own pace. Spend time with her and start to build a relationship with her via things like just being with her, grooming/scratching her itchy spots, hand grazing, ground work, etc. Being nervous is normal, it keeps you from forgetting there is a 1200 lb animal between your legs. In fact, I'd say being nervous is healthy! But... Pushing yourself if your terrified won't be any good for you or for her. God forbid you have an accident, how far would that set you back? How much emotional stress can your horse handle?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## verona1016

I had huge confidence issues after a horse I was leasing bucked me off a couple times- it's a long story, but the result was that I no longer trusted him and I never had a good ride on him again after that trust was broken. 

For me, it was an easy problem to solve: the lease contract was nearly up, so I tried my best for the last month or so and then simply returned him to his owner (for whom he behaved just fine after going back home). I ended up buying a horse that has done wonders for my confidence and whom, after 2 years of owning him, I still trust completely. I know I'm still getting over the lingering effects of having my confidence shaken, but it's not a daily hurdle any more by any means.

If the leased horse had been mine, I probably would have ended up sending him to a trainer for a month or two. I had gotten to the point where my nervousness was very apparent to him and was fueling his misbehavior. I was down to riding him only in the round pen. He really needed a confident rider to put him back in line.

Luckily, it doesn't sound like things have gotten that bad with your horse. TrailTraveler gave some excellent advice, which sounds like a good way to go. Do what you're comfortable with and enjoy doing and don't worry about forcing yourself too far out of your comfort zone. Maybe have your trainer ride your horse periodically, perhaps for your sake more than your horse's (it can do wonders for your own confidence to see your horse begin ridden by someone who can take him past what you're willing to do and seeing that the horse does just fine with it)


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## churumbeque

Is is possible some more flat work training might help? It just looked like at times she really was uncomfortable and jerking her head up and them you didn't have control. If she was a little softer and rounder I think she would be much more fun to ride and you would feel safer Otherwise she was good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DimSum

Honestly, I would look into selling the horse and finding one that you are more comfortable riding. My reason is simply that if you are not enjoying your riding or progressing, it's time and money wasted.


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## Paradise

I think your nerves are perfectly reasonable. It's hard to feel totally calm and settled on a horse that feels like it's going to jump out of its skin at any second. Even if she's never done anything it's your self preservation instincts kicking in trying to take care of you. It means you're smart! That's a good thing!

In this case would it be possible to sell her and get something quieter? You can stick it out with her but I speak from experience. I had a horse that scared me out of my wits, I dreaded riding her and I shook with fear when I considered it. She had never done anything 'bad', I was just a beginner and she was like your horse. I went out and bought a steady old lesson pony that I rode for a year and got my confidence restored on, then when I went back suddenly riding my first horse and horses even more difficult wasn't a big deal at all anymore.

You can take lessons for the next 5 years but a horse you can trust and have fun on is going to help you with horses like yours more than anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyBoySi

Honestly I would sell and get a new horse that I was comfortable on, life's too short and there are too many good horses to spend time not having fun.


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## Dustbunny

Do you have the opportunity to get out and pleasure ride? Maybe out on a trail with a friend or two. It might give you and your horse a chance to relax a bit and get to know each other better.
Just a thought......


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## Zexious

I agree with My. It doesn't sound like things are getting better..


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## Livinitup

If you are having confidence issues with your horse, you may have to come to a decision you may not like but it'd be best for everyone involved.

If I were in your situation, I'd assess all my options. Whether I can continue to lesson and work more on confidence building exercises even if that means no jumping for a while, I could sell the horse and find a better fit or I could keep the horse and change disciplines.

To me, I wouldn't encourage keeping on a horse that wears your confidence down because the point of our sport is to have FUN and SAFELY have that fun.


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