# How to grow a much better bond with my horse?



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

without dissing your trainer, could you explain what specifically you think about this WP training was straining your relationship with the horse?

To me, having a good relationship with a horse means that the horse is trusting me and is content to let me move him around as necessary . Now I am thinking, what else makes for a good relationship?

I think being really fair and consistent with a horse helps to create that bond. So, if the hrose has a problem with trying to pull down and eat the grass, and you work on stopping that, as long as you are really consistent on that , then the horse can accept and live with that guidance. But when you are inconsistent, the horse will be irritated and will start constantily looking for "holes" in your guidance where he can take the lead. That looking for holes to break away from you is a place of discontent for a horse and keeps him mentally unavailable for other training steps. So, I guess my rambling point is to be really consistant, which is a good place for your horse.

Also, work on some minor and mentally challenging things. Like, sending your horse (on a long leadline) over small jumps or logs or around things , through a maze , through gates and such. Teach him to stand on a good sturdy platform, like a cicus elephant. When he does good, give him a really nice voiced praise and a good smooth rub on his nose or shoulder.

things like that.

Do you ever get a chance to take him out on trails and go for a nice breezey canter up a long hill?


----------



## Doe (Jun 21, 2011)

touchofsleep said:


> The moment I purchased my horse he went through serious WP training. And let's just say, my trainer was not very ""natural" and everything me and my horse did together was work. I feel like we have no bond or no real good relationship. Does anyone have any good suggestions to help me create a good relationship with my horse? On the ground and in the saddle. I did do some ground work. I hung out with him and walked him all over the place. Let him graze and just relax. But that just made him think he could pull his head down everytime I lead him and start grazing. Please help


Well thats a question that can open a WHOLE can of worms.... :lol:

Firstly there is a big difference between a bond and a relationship. The relationship is just how you interact. That can be good or bad. A bond however is different. Some people do not consider there even is such a thing with horses.

Many people come to NH because they want a bond. They see horses following people around, working at liberty and think that is a bond. To me its not. The horse does it because he has been trained to. If the horse comes when you go to the field its because he has been conditioned the 'walking them down' way. If they work at liberty its because first they did it on a 12foot line or roundpen, then the 22foot line etc etc. Again conditioning.

So the question for yourself is what do you consider a bond to be? How do you judge it and what are you looking for?

The think with horses is how we keep them. I mean that in the sense that they are a domesticated animal, yet the lines are also blurred with livestock.

Dogs commonly live with us. So we spend a huge amount of time with them. If they are working dogs, then the work often is things they naturally want to do anyway. Its generally fun or instinctual for them, and when not working we 'hang out'.

With horses its very different. Many people cannot live with their horses. They may be kept on yards, and relatively little time is spent with them. When time is spent its 'doing something'. Riding or training. A lot of this is not fun for a horse. Some of it maybe, but a lot of what we ask them to do is just micro-management of their bodies, removing all control and with no purpose that they can see. Why would they enjoy that?

This is why so many become arena sour, or want to kill their owners on the ground and outside the arena.

I bond comes with responsiblities like any trusting relationship does. Some of those responsibilities may not be convenient for us, or what we want at the time. That is why you have to decide what you want to achieve, what you want to experience with your horse.

You said it yourself, its all been work. We even use that word - work. Horses are gregarious creatures, and curious ones in the right circumstances.

The way I think of building a bond is this. I am not a horse. I never will be nor do I wish to be. Any horse I work with is always aware of that. So I don't try to pretend to be a horse. Instead I provide what the horse needs, (food, shelter, security etc) and I provide other things that make it want to be with me above wanting to be with its herd. I also consider what it wants too. (as I said it has responsibilities for the owner too - not a popular concept)

I enjoy horses, and not just riding them. So I look for things to do that develop them and our bond. As I said horses are curious and playful but their survival instincts often restrict this. By providing security and leadership they feel safe and are able to be curious. So we will go out and explore places and things that they would not explore alone.

Simple things, for example soon it will be rosehip season here. Rosehips are great for their circulation anyway, and horses love them. So we go out rosehip hunting on the common. Its a bit like working a sheepdog. Last year I went out with three horses at once and they loved it.

One of those horse is a dressage horse who was becoming sour. Since introducing these sorts of things his owner says he has become a different and more willing horse.

If I ask it to do something it has a purpose behind it that the horse will see. After a while they come to understand that even when they cannot see the purpose initially, the purpose was there or else I wouldn't ask. This carries into everything we do, and proves very helpful when vets or unexpected circumstances occur.

All of this is done with absolute leadership however. A strong leader can allow (in fact encourages) questions. They will however give strong direction and support. If your horse is pulling to eat grass then be clear and consistent as Tiny says. Give them a bump with the halter before they get to the grass if you need to. Do not allow them to stop where they want without asking. I indicate that its okay to stop, initially by tearing up some grass and offering it them. Soon all it needs is to point to the ground with an open palm and that is the invite to stop and eat. As soon as I move away however, they must follow.


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

Doe, I really like these ideas. Can you give more examples of the sorts of activities along those lines which you do with your horses? And what would you do in the confines of a riding arena? The weather up this way is frequently not conducive to trail riding and I am sure many posters have various reasons why they can't or don't want to ride out, so exercises to make the arena less of a dreich place would probably be useful for many folk, including and especially the OP who feels everything she does with her horse is work.


----------



## Doe (Jun 21, 2011)

thesilverspear said:


> Doe, I really like these ideas. Can you give more examples of the sorts of activities along those lines which you do with your horses? And what would you do in the confines of a riding arena? The weather up this way is frequently not conducive to trail riding and I am sure many posters have various reasons why they can't or don't want to ride out, so exercises to make the arena less of a dreich place would probably be useful for many folk, including and especially the OP who feels everything she does with her horse is work.


Hi Silver - thanks.

Hmmm arena - good question - tricky to answer.
Thing is my point is about an approach not a method or exercises.

For example, one cannot make up for Time, Consistency and Purpose (TCP think i'll trademark that! Blast its an antiseptic so I can't :lol

Cowboys have a bad rep, and historically, thats probably justified. It certainly bears little relation to the Hollywood romantic image. However, there are many great (cowboy) horseman who work with their horses and treat them with respect. I've had the pleasure of meeting a few and I suspect from their posts that there's at least a couple I could mention on here.

They don't molly coddle the horses. They are not pets, but they still have, Time (lots of wet saddlepads and just time in general spent together), Consistency (the horse knows what its being asked and it is always asked the same way and Purpose (the horse knows its job, and can see why it is being asked to do things most of the time. Even the old school reining trainers used to train out on the trail, and use obstacles for circles etc etc.)

Compare that with many recreational riders (both hackers and competitors) Time (varies massively, may be an hour a day or an hour a week, Consistency (well both ways - often the only consistency is everytime the horse sees them its work. Their ridden skills and ground handling skills often dont match and theres little consistency in the relationship - dominant on the back but less so on the ground) and Purpose (the horse often sees no purpose to activities such as dressage or reining).

These things impact on the 'bond'.

So in answer to your question, my point is if recreational riders want a bond with their horse then think about what you can do that makes a horse want to be with you rather than its herd. (and I dont mean conditioning through NH groundwork) It varies from horse to horse just as their personalities do.

People talk of a willing partner - but what they mean is a willing slave (popular point that'll be im sure). Willing to do what they want when they want it. Thats fine if thats what you are after, but its exclusive from having a truly willing partner and 'soft' horse.

A soft horse comes from mutual respect and understanding. The reason I can reach horses so quickly is because I have no intention, other than to reach them. I don't care how we get there, I have no goal besides trust and leadership.

For some horses that is doing nothing. For some horses its play. For some horses its direction. I work with what they offer and what they need. That is how they come around to meeting me. I show them I am willing to meet them first. Its not an easy apple to swallow for many people especially when they see what they are paying for their horses, but it all depends on what you actually value most.

As example, I have gone to ride a horse and I can tell the horse really isnt up for it that day, so i'll shoot the breeze and do some other stuff. Other times Ive gone down to poo pick or whatever and a horse really wants to ride out - so we will. Or they are in a playful mood, so we play. It all accomplishes something positive. Even the play is physical and develops their collection and musculature, plus precise control and communication which then converts to their back.

Horses are domesticated - when we try for them, they will try doubly hard for us. 

So thats the long answer to your question. Ie much of it is providing alternatives to the arena. However with the indoor arena in mind the principles are the same.

Time, consistency, purpose.


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

I think I know what you're talking about but I am not 100% sure. I'm trying to press you for concrete answers, which I feel can usually illustrate points regarding horse training better than abstract theorizing. 

Is it along the lines of what a trainer called Chris Irwin (who I am sure you've read) talks about in his books? For example, he gives an example of being at a jumper show and there was a corner in the warm-up arena that most of the horses found scary and were spooking away from. Most of the riders were trying to shove their horses into the corner, using lots of leg, whip, spur, and reins, and unsurprisingly, most the horses were quite resistant to the idea. Irwin then says there was one rider who, when she approached the scary corner, asked her horse for a counter-bend. When the horse started to think about spooking, the rider asked him to sidepass in the direction he was going to spook. Irwin writes:

"The rider was saying in effect: 'If you're going to move away from the gate to the left, this is how I want you to do it...' Without a suggestion of a fight, that rider both reinforced her control over the horse and allowed her to maintain the flow of her gait. She also earned a great deal of trust from that horse, because in the mind of a horse, its leader *should* push it away from scary places..." (Dancing With Your Dark Horse, 124).


----------



## Doe (Jun 21, 2011)

thesilverspear said:


> I think I know what you're talking about but I am not 100% sure. I'm trying to press you for concrete answers, which I feel can usually illustrate points regarding horse training better than abstract theorizing.
> 
> Is it along the lines of what a trainer called Chris Irwin (who I am sure you've read) talks about in his books? For example, he gives an example of being at a jumper show and there was a corner in the warm-up arena that most of the horses found scary and were spooking away from. Most of the riders were trying to shove their horses into the corner, using lots of leg, whip, spur, and reins, and unsurprisingly, most the horses were quite resistant to the idea. Irwin then says there was one rider who, when she approached the scary corner, asked her horse for a counter-bend. When the horse started to think about spooking, the rider asked him to sidepass in the direction he was going to spook. Irwin writes:
> 
> "The rider was saying in effect: 'If you're going to move away from the gate to the left, this is how I want you to do it...' Without a suggestion of a fight, that rider both reinforced her control over the horse and allowed her to maintain the flow of her gait. She also earned a great deal of trust from that horse, because in the mind of a horse, its leader *should* push it away from scary places..." (Dancing With Your Dark Horse, 124).


A great book! Very honest especially the beginning and hist recollection of round penning the mare who would not back down.

Sorry to not be more specific I have concerns over how certain subjects will be handled or accepted.

When I talk of working with what a horse offers, or indeed more recently the discussion about which way to turn a horse who refuses - that is exactly what I am talking about.

There are many expressions that are incredibly hard to actually integrate and fully understand. As such they are commonly *******ised and used out of context. Expressions such as 'making the wrong thing hard and the right thing easy' or 'let what you want become the horses idea' etc etc.

Chris' example is perfect for this. Many people would apply 'make the wrong thing hard and the right thing easy' to that scenario and work a horse hard away from the spook and only give rest by the spook. That is not the concept. The easy thing is to redirect the horses energy rather than fight it. 

Coming back to the turning example, I posted about how important it is to consider the position of the horses feet when asking for a turn. Firstly it makes it hard for the horse not to comply when asked at the right moment, secondly it strengthens the leadership. Asking at the wrong time, leads a horse of balance, is more likely to cause them to refuse, and damages trust. Think about it, ever had a leader at work or wherever who asks you to do stupid or pointless things - appears to have no commonsense? Your faith in them disappears fast. Horses are the same. Why would we ask them to trip over their own feet? Thats not a good leader. I think Chris also talks of something similar at one point in that book from memory.

In terms of ideas within the arena I would look to anything that the horse finds 'fun'. The important thing is direction without pressure. For example and ex-pleasure horse who was really introverted had to be taught that it was okay to have fun. Ok to be a horse. Ok to be curious. What did I do with her? Taught her to fetch. Yup. A partially deflated football. I threw it, she brought it back. This then moved to grooming. I would leave the bag out when around her. If she wanted grooming she would pick up the brush and bring it to me.

I remember being out on a hack and a man suddenly started a chainsaw about 5 feet away (forestry commission - neither of us saw him behind the tree.

She didnt seem to like 2 stroke petrol engines in general. So I borrowed a chainsaw. Took it into the arena where she was free (clutched and chain removed just in case). I started it and she came running over, and nipped it. She trusted me and recognised that anything I had on my person could not harm her. In her case developing her confidence meant she wanted to be with me above the other horses.

A pony who will not stand still for love nor money and has a lot of stable vices as another example. Used free jumping to give a focus to her energy. Then I used 3 poles in a triangle a bit like a trail competition. She had to jump then come over and stand still in the triangle. Then we moved to standing in the triangle until called (like a dog) then onto the jumps. She now jumps really well in pony class and has lost many of her stable vices.

I dont know if any of that helps explain it any further. As its a whole approach to horses rather than a simple method, its very broad and also very easily misconstrued or taken out of context.


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

All right -- tell me what you think of this. A fairly recent example from my own experience:

I'm out on a trail ride with two other riders. We're second horse in the line. The horse in front is being ridden by someone who is just getting back onto riding after 30 years and isn't very confident. Horse decides a road sign is scary and balks. Plants her feet, doesn't move. Rider kicks her once or twice, to no avail. Within a few seconds of the balk, I nudge my horse around them and take the lead. The other horse relaxes and everyone walks on, happy as larry. My split-second reasoning for quickly putting my horse out front was that the balky horse wasn't going because she had no confidence in her rider (why should she?), the rider fighting the horse would only build tension, stress, and resistance, and I thought since both parties (horse and rider) were a bit tense, they needed the positive experience of relaxation and forward and safety, which from the horse's perspective, meant looking at the butt of a more confident horse, more than they needed the rider "winning" a battle (which she may not have anyway) and *making* the horse go past a road sign. Thus the moment of resistance was brief, not a long protracted row which would have stuck in the minds of horse and rider. And the horse went past the road sign just fine.


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

Something did just come to mind which might directly help the OP.  Look up Linda Tellington-Jones and her TTEAM groundwork. Her books should be available in tack stores. That (well, more like a trainer I worked with who was getting her TTEAM certification) did wonders for an arena sour horse I used to own.


----------



## Doe (Jun 21, 2011)

thesilverspear said:


> All right -- tell me what you think of this. A fairly recent example from my own experience:
> 
> I'm out on a trail ride with two other riders. We're second horse in the line. The horse in front is being ridden by someone who is just getting back onto riding after 30 years and isn't very confident. Horse decides a road sign is scary and balks. Plants her feet, doesn't move. Rider kicks her once or twice, to no avail. Within a few seconds of the balk, I nudge my horse around them and take the lead. The other horse relaxes and everyone walks on, happy as larry. My split-second reasoning for quickly putting my horse out front was that the balky horse wasn't going because she had no confidence in her rider (why should she?), the rider fighting the horse would only build tension, stress, and resistance, and I thought since both parties (horse and rider) were a bit tense, they needed the positive experience of relaxation and forward and safety, which from the horse's perspective, meant looking at the butt of a more confident horse, more than they needed the rider "winning" a battle (which she may not have anyway) and *making* the horse go past a road sign. Thus the moment of resistance was brief, not a long protracted row which would have stuck in the minds of horse and rider. And the horse went past the road sign just fine.


Absolutely. Fighting the horse in those circumstances achieves little. If the horse does not have the confidence in its riders leadership then it is very difficult to make yourself more scary than the object they are facing. A horse can be fearful, a horse can question, but their mind must stay with me, and as long as it does they will move on regardless. If we are out alone sometimes that means taking a moment. Sometimes it means pushing forwards it depends on the horse.

With a group however, exactly, use the advantage. I would ask someone else to move forwards as you did. I would however hold the balking horse back in many scenarios. I wouldn't just allow them to follow, because then they have left me. Wait until the other horse is past then ask them to move forward to meet them. That way I keep their minds and I keep leadership. The other horse makes it easy, but I keep their mind. Each time is an opportunity to build confidence. On the other hands horses who have to be driven over things never progress past the next 'new' challenge because their faith in the rider is missing.

Mark Rashid talks about 'passive' leadership. Its different from reactive dominance which is what so much horsemanship is based on. I'm not saying its the only way, or the best way, but its my way, and for me and the horses I come into contact with, its a better way.


----------



## Doe (Jun 21, 2011)

thesilverspear said:


> Something did just come to mind which might directly help the OP.  Look up Linda Tellington-Jones and her TTEAM groundwork. Her books should be available in tack stores. That (well, more like a trainer I worked with who was getting her TTEAM certification) did wonders for an arena sour horse I used to own.


Yes TTeam is great, but very very difficult to understand from a book imho. You really need to experience it (as you have) to see the potential and to understand it. Sara Fisher is the head in the UK but ive also been lucky to train with Robyn (Linda's sister). A quite inspirational lady.

Who was the trainer you worked with? What exercises did they do with the barn sour horse?


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

Our trainer wasn't a "name." She was a fellow boarder at a barn in Colorado who was working on her TTEAM certification, which meant she had to work with and log the progress of X number of horses, all on a voluntary basis (which worked out well for me ). She was, however, very good. 

The horse was arena sour rather than barn sour, undoubtedly made worse by the fact that at the time I was 15 and a bit clueless. The sort of stuff we did consisted of asking the horse to go over and through poles constructed in various configurations, which she liked doing. In that case, it was a matter of working with the horse in the arena, but doing things there she enjoyed and thought were fun. With that particular horses and her issues, which were mainly very sticky feet -- she could be ridiculously cranky and behind the leg at best and flat-out balky at worst -- the wand (see long, white dressage-type whip) employed by TTEAM was extremely useful, as it taught her shiny new cues for moving her feet and thus made her more interested in and curious about what we were asking her to do. 

I also recommend giving your horse the opportunity to play with a giant exercise ball if you can find one. My current horse and the three-year old I started thought it was great fun and would push it and follow it around the arena (Gypsum thought it was even more fun to push it hard at another horse and watch the other horse spook, but the rider had a view on that). Doesn't work for everyone, though. The horse I wrote about in the first paragraph couldn't have cared less about the exercise ball. You could make her push it with her nose, but quite frankly she wasn't that interested. 

Basically, anything to vary what you do in the arena, so the arena isn't always associated with the same old work and drudgery. Find things your horse seems to like doing.


----------



## Doe (Jun 21, 2011)

thesilverspear said:


> Our trainer wasn't a "name." She was a fellow boarder at a barn in Colorado who was working on her TTEAM certification, which meant she had to work with and log the progress of X number of horses, all on a voluntary basis (which worked out well for me ). She was, however, very good.
> 
> The horse was arena sour rather than barn sour, undoubtedly made worse by the fact that at the time I was 15 and a bit clueless. The sort of stuff we did consisted of asking the horse to go over and through poles constructed in various configurations, which she liked doing. In that case, it was a matter of working with the horse in the arena, but doing things there she enjoyed and thought were fun. With that particular horses and her issues, which were mainly very sticky feet -- she could be ridiculously cranky and behind the leg at best and flat-out balky at worst -- the wand (see long, white dressage-type whip) employed by TTEAM was extremely useful, as it taught her shiny new cues for moving her feet and thus made her more interested in and curious about what we were asking her to do.
> 
> ...


Yes the Kerplunk exercise (not called that but reminds me of the game!) is great for building confidence and awareness of where their feet are.

The maze is also good for flexion it gives the horse a reason to flex rather than simply being forced to.

Slightly off topic but I also use wraps a lot to improve awareness and collection etc. (though head wraps look crazy lol)


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

Aye, I really should be doing more of this stuff. My skills were pretty good several years ago when I had a baby to back, but these days my horse and I just do our thing (dicking about with a bit of dressage, a bit of trail, a bit of jumping, and occasionally giving hapless beginners a lesson) which all works well so I tend to lapse into laziness. I guess that's a good thing on some level, but your skills and knowledge atrophy when you don't use them, which isn't good.


----------



## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

To the OP (and anyone else): Obsessing over your "bond" is the wrong way to go about it. Instead of thinking about improving your "bond" with your horse, think about improving your ability to communicate with it. If you can communicate what you want to the horse in a way he can understand, that seems reasonable from his point of view, and provide clear leadership and direction, your relationship with him will improve.


----------



## touchofsleep (Mar 9, 2011)

wow thanks for all the advice. i'm going to need to take some more time to read all of it but it's all very appreciated. THANK YOU!


----------



## Day Mares (Jul 16, 2011)

Yep. To me a bond is mutual respect between rider and horse


----------



## FLACKA (Sep 18, 2011)

Doe!!!! If your out there I really have a question for you. I have a rescue QH that this will be the third week that I have had her. She is well manneredand when I get her out of the pasture she will walk right with me. I feed her treats and walk her everyday. I have only missed two days. I haven't ridden her yet because her hooves were 3 inches too long and she had a shoe on the front right barely hanging on. She had been this way for at least 3 years. She was under wieght and a little scared of people. Now, even after day 2, she is just a real sweetheart. My worry is that whenshe is 100% is she going to just want to "hang out" or will she work for me. I have put the saddle onher and bridle and she stood perfectly still, til the tightening of the girth, She took a bit like it was an apple, I do this soley to get her aqauinted once again with it all. I want to have faith that she is going to be ok. She still has a slight limp but nothing compared to when I got her. Before you almost had to pick her up and carry her. I hope with such fast improvements that she will soon be sound. I amworried that she might get a LITTLE FRISKY WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE BECAUSE SHE IS STARTING TO DO SOME HEAD THROWING WHEN SHE WANTS TO GRAZE WHEN IM LEADING HER AND I DONT WANT TO STOP. I guess what Im asking is should I be prepared for her to change her personality as she gets better. I love her the way she is..


----------



## donovan (Jun 11, 2009)

What about join up? i can PM you the instructoins on how to do it


----------



## FLACKA (Sep 18, 2011)

*join up?*



donovan said:


> What about join up? i can PM you the instructoins on how to do it


ok...not sure what ur talking about buti am game. i will be waiting for the pm


----------



## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

FLACKA said:


> I amworried that she might get a LITTLE FRISKY WHEN ITS ALL SAID AND DONE BECAUSE SHE IS STARTING TO DO SOME HEAD THROWING WHEN SHE WANTS TO GRAZE WHEN IM LEADING HER AND I DONT WANT TO STOP. I guess what Im asking is should I be prepared for her to change her personality as she gets better. I love her the way she is..


Treat her like a horse, not a dog!


----------



## FLACKA (Sep 18, 2011)

I treat her with love and respect. What should I do different and how would you say that I treat her like a dog?


----------



## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

FLACKA said:


> I treat her with love and respect. What should I do different and how would you say that I treat her like a dog?


The tossing the head thing is her way of saying "Don't want to". You need to remind her that when the lead rope or bridle is attached, you are the one who says where and when.


----------



## FLACKA (Sep 18, 2011)

When she does this I get the lead right under her chin, pull her head up andcallher out on it. usually she willjust comealong, sometimes shewill give one more head toss before shegives in


----------



## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

I didn't read all the posts, so disregard if somebody already said this. The best way to bond with your horse is to be a good leader for him. Horses respect leadership, plain and simple. Horses want leadership and want it consistently. Work with him yielding his hind quarters, sending him through tight space, and backing him up. Give him a leader. Get his respect. He'll look to you for direction and the bond it will produce will knock your socks off. When you can stand with your horse in a grassy field and have him not even attempt to graze, you're in business.


----------



## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

MyBoyPuck said:


> I didn't read all the posts, so disregard if somebody already said this. The best way to bond with your horse is to be a good leader for him. Horses respect leadership, plain and simple. Horses want leadership and want it consistently.


YES YES YES.

All these folks who think they need to feed and use treats etc to bond baffle me. Food is a requirement not a reward!


----------



## Courtney (May 20, 2011)

I bond with my horse through grooming, 'games' and hanging out. I'm usually at the barn every day and I like to mix things up to keep my horse curious and engaged. For example, one day I'll pull him out of the field, give him a leisurely grooming and reinforce the act of standing while tied. Then, I hand graze him while I carry on a one-sided conversation. The next day, I might take him for a walk on the trails, or jog him around. The third day, I jog around the round pen while he follows and we work on gait transitions as I call them out. On the fourth day, I might turn him loose in the dusty arena and let him roll and get completely messy while I sit on a barrel and read a book to him.

Bonding just happens through time and effort. If you're trying to force a bond, you're going about it the wrong way. It needs to evolve naturally.


----------



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

MyBoyPuck said:


> I didn't read all the posts, so disregard if somebody already said this. The best way to bond with your horse is to be a good leader for him. Horses respect leadership, plain and simple. Horses want leadership and want it consistently. Work with him yielding his hind quarters, sending him through tight space, and backing him up. Give him a leader. Get his respect. He'll look to you for direction and the bond it will produce will knock your socks off. When you can stand with your horse in a grassy field and have him not even attempt to graze, you're in business.



Yes, exactly.

Time, time, and more time are what it takes to bond with a horse. Not 'games', and certainly not with treats. Treats without being an actual reward for something only make a horse_ more_ pushy, not less. 

Your animal needs leadership and guidance,_ not_ a BFF. They need to respect you first. Affection in horses comes from respect, not by stuffing them with treats or playing games. If you don't demand respect, you'll never get it.


----------



## FLACKA (Sep 18, 2011)

I wasn't going to go here, but I am. I "reward" Ginger because I CAN. She was left out witout human contact for over three years. She needs to know that we humans are not all bad. She will never beashow horse. I will be lucky if she will ever be a pleasure horse. But while she is in my care, she will be "TREATED" daily. I will continue to work with her to get herto trust me. I like the fact that she has become a dream to catch.It does not bother me that she expects an apple or other treat when we get out of the gate. I like the fact that you can trust that she isn't going to kick if you get close to her side. As much as you can trust a horse. I have been around horses and cattle my whole life.We own a ranch in Mexico, and the horses we have there are working horses. I would call them crazy and there is no way I would get on one or even walk within 10 feet of thier back legs. I know that food is a requirement only. However Ginger is a situation all her own. I have never seen a horse like her and may not for another 40 years. As long as she continues to improve daily I willcontinue her daily regimen of love, feed anda treat {or two}. I may have to send Ginger to a retirement homeand its going to break my heart. Since God brought her into our lives I will take the time to showher love and that all humans are not bad. When you hug her and the kids lay on her head her eyes light up. For those who don't believe in spending money and time on an animal that will never win you ribbons or work your cattle, sorry. Lucky for me I have the time and the money to give them love. I didn't come to the forum to becalled out onmy technique of intoducing love to her. We do try to take the hardest way out of the pasture for brain excercises, we cross the little water run offs where she is forced to pick her feet up. we have also conquered the stop when I stop and dont graze problem. All we are waiting for is to see if she is going to be 100% and then we will get serious. The trainer. barn owner,vet tech and who knows what titles more he carries says that I am doing all I can In the right ways for Ginger. We are only waiting now. Sorry if I amcoming off short or rude. I amreally a nice person with alot of love for animals. I believe that they are here to enjoy as much as they are here to win us ribbons,belt buckes or money
Have a wonderful day.


----------



## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Speed Racer said:


> Time, time, and more time are what it takes to bond with a horse. Not 'games', and certainly not with treats. Treats without being an actual reward for something only make a horse_ more_ pushy, not less.
> 
> Your animal needs leadership and guidance,_ not_ a BFF. They need to respect you first. Affection in horses comes from respect, not by stuffing them with treats or playing games. If you don't demand respect, you'll never get it.


Once again - yes, yes and YES!

You can love a horse and yet demand respect. If the horse has no respect for your space, etc and hurts you - or worse - then what?


----------



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

You came on the forum and_ asked_ how to improve your bond. _ Nobody_ came looking for you to give unsolicited advice. 

When you go on a public board and ask for advice, you're going to get some you may not want to hear. If you don't want to hear it, then stop asking. Plain and simple.

Since you apparently have it all figured out, I'm not sure why you even bothered to ask other people their opinions. :?

Oh, and throwing a tantrum and telling everyone how much BETTER you treat your animals than the rest of us do, certainly doesn't make you look mature or even rational.


----------



## FLACKA (Sep 18, 2011)

That was not how it was meant to comeacross. I got a pm about not treating her like a dog..BLahblah....Anyhow I have respected all the comments and help that people have gave me when I haveasked. But something really hit the wrong way... If I offended you sorry.. Wasn't meant for you.


----------



## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

FLACKA said:


> That was not how it was meant to comeacross. *I got a pm about not treating her like a dog.*.BLahblah....Anyhow I have respected all the comments and help that people have gave me when I haveasked. But something really hit the wrong way... If I offended you sorry.. Wasn't meant for you.


 
Are you by chance referring to the PM YOU sent me?


----------



## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

I don't think you'll like my response. The horses that I have had the BEST relationships with were the ones that I worked the hardest. I believe that horses and dogs and even cats need jobs in order to stay sane as domestic animals. 
Horses are also social animals and they crave leadership and security. WHATEVER you do with you horse, even hand grazing, should be done with YOU in charge. You decide when this happens, you decide where he grazes, you decide when it's done. I like to praise my horses whenEVER they do something right, to reinstill in them that I am a safe leader. 
When I work them I have an individual plan in mind with different exercises. I watch to see their reactions. Sometimes I double up on the workout, sometimes we accomplish what I'm looking for, and we quit. Sometimes, I get what I'm looking for and my horse gets to stand after untacking for a couple of hours while I do yardwork--it all depends on what the horse needs. Last Sunday, my 5 yo QH had a very good workout, and when I finished untacking him, and let the other two loose to graze HE stood and his tie-up spot UNTIED with a foot cocked. His halter was still on, and I had to pull him away before he started grazing there. THAT really told me a lot about trusting THIS horse.
I am lucky to have my horses living in my back yard and I feed EVERYBODY--horses, dogs, cats, chickens. They get grain every evening and they all watch for me bc it isn't given like clockwork, just ~6PM, sometimes as late as 9PM. Yesterday I was home and I opened up the fenced in area in front of the barn and let my 3 horses mow it down. Each took time to come over and snort and thank me. (We've had a drought and their pastures are REALLY low right now.) Maybe you just need to be the one in charge, instead of your trainer. =D


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

By bonding I hope you aren't wanting your horse to have the same behaviour as a dog because it won't happen. Your horse won't love you, he tolerates humans yet often find it's ok to be with them. When you take him for walks if his nose dives for the grass pop him on the top of the rump with a riding crop. Be sure to give him about 6' of lead because he may scoot forward. Teach him that he is allowed to graze when your hand held low invites him to. After you have popped him a few times he'll be watching for your crop to move toward his rump and move. You won't even have to touch him with it.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

MIS, I have been retraining badly soured, confused horses for many years. Giving treats is part of my arsenal. When I am working with a horse he doesn't get to graze so when we"ve made even a tiny bit of headway he will get a treat, a piece of alfalfa cube. It is a great motivator. I give the horse a say and I've stood and watched a horse try to figure something out so he can get his treat. It's his choice and the result creates a little more trust. My sessions last maybe 20 min so it's not like he's been greatly deprived of food in order to be responsive. If the horse choses to leave, the gates to the paddock are open and he's allowed to leave and go back to grazing. Funny thing is, they usually stay.


----------



## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Hey, ladies, hey. Take it easy. Bonding can be a sensitive and personal issue
………..



An adept writer can write a book about the theories of bonding as they might be applied by a rider to his/her horse but in practice the reader might be of a very different mindset to that of the author. Horses certainly come along with varying temperaments and each horse calls for a different approach. 
As an example, personally I don’t look for utter obedience from my horse, as I like to leave the animal with room to obey my wishes yet with the freedom to keep us both safe. A trusted steed has covered for my mistakes on many an occasion.

When riding I ask my mare to turn left, by a slight hesitation and a nudge in the flanks; I don’t yank it in the mouth and kick it in the ribs. She knows which way to go.
I ask her to ‘whoah and stop’ by steadying my hand and leaning back a touch; I don’t haul back on the reins. I constantly try to keep the commands subtle and light. 
When coming up to a road junction, I start to slow long before the white line and I expect the horse to read my mind. She knows we don’t cross white lines without stopping first. 

There is the story of my previous cob coming unbidden to a halt alongside a convenient tree stump in the woods so as to permit me to attend to a call of nature. Afterwards I laughed and laughed but that day, Joe, knew me inside and out and he stood untethered, patiently waiting for me to perform. 

On thinking about it, there are numerous occasions when I expect the horse to read my mind and likewise there are lots of occasions when I need to read my horse’s mind. If she is nervous about something coming up, then I must give her a boost of confidence to go forwards. If we are to go down a strange path, she must accept my judgement that it is OK to do so, even if it may be away from home. 

When the truck comes too close in a narrow country lane, I’ll tell her to stand, and the wheels will pass just inches from her feet. My hand will stroke her mane, my voice will whisper sweet nothings, but she’ll stand - even if she is wedged in against a hedgerow filled with brambles. She feels safe, cos I‘ve told her she is. 

To swim mounted on a horse calls for the rider to convince the horse that it can indeed swim. Yet the horse is a natural swimmer and it knows instinctively how to paddle - even in the sea. The horse must trust the rider’s judgement in testing times and this trait is a key component of any bond. 

Horses do read the human mind as well as the human can read the equine mind - so long as the pair are in tune. Dumb the horse may be, stupid it is not. In human relationships, success in a partnership depends upon the two humans involved being ‘sympatico’. For a rider to bond with a horse calls for both human and animal to be on the same wavelength and for a certain comprehension between species.

There are no strict rules for bonding - cohesion between horse and rider becomes all too evident. 

B G


----------

