# What to do when you and your horse don't get along?



## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

What do youdo when you and your horse have a personality clash? That the more you get to know each other the more you both can't stand each other? I can literally feel the attitude pouring out of Cinder and shes got me so uncomfortable I barely like going into the pasture. 

I've never got this kind of vibe from a horse. Cindy and India are fine. This isn't something new with me and her but I thought it was something that with work and training both of us could get through. But it's not getting better, in fact it feels like it's getting worse. 

What should I do?


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

If there is no trust or respect - I would say to end the relationship. We have a handful of horses at our facility that I do not like. But I know they have to trust and respect me in case there is ever an illness or injury. I do not coo over them. I simply let them be unless it is necessary to handle them.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Relationships with our horses are like every other relationship in life. We do not all get along. Period. No fault of either side. Just not everyone gets along with everyone else. 

I would bet there is a person out there that would Cinder to be the perfect horse for them.


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

That's just it, she is my kind of horse. She's big, draft cross, is a gorgeous mover and has a ton of potential. She's mostly a sweetheart and I feel insanely ungrateful. I feel like I screwed up somewhere along the line. I've never let her get away with any disrespectful behavior (which might be a basis for it since she was heavily spoiled the last two years and treated as just a pet not a horse). I knew she'd never been alone so I searched high and low for a pal for her. She gets handled daily and worked with. But... yeah. I failed somehow.


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## ImagineThat (Sep 18, 2010)

Just because she's "your kind of horse" doesn't mean it will work. I have been wanting a good barrel horse for a while... and I found one that was bred great, built well, and beautiful. But we couldn't get along, so I sold him. He is happily running with another girl now... and I'm happier for him. I will find my "one" 
Even when you love a horse, and they are everything you want, if you can't get along it's just not worth it. 
Good luck on your decision! :hug:


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

CinderEve said:


> That's just it, she is my kind of horse. She's big, draft cross, is a gorgeous mover and has a ton of potential.


So wait. Using that logic, all well built hot men should get along with me, right? Since they are my type of guys.

Your personalities do not match. No reason to torture either of you into trying to shove a square peg into a round hole.


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

omg I just snorted my coffee! ****!!


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

I understand what you're getting at though. I guess I'm just disappointed. I was kind of raised with the "all things can be cured with groundwork, training, more groundwork" idea. When something goes wrong it's 99% the horseman's error and not the horse. I figured I was just doing something wrong.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

I do not disagree with that in theory. 

But truthfully, think about personalities. Not everyone gets along with everyone else and there is not always a reason you can put your finger on.

You two are just not clicking.


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

You're right of course. It is good to hear it from someone else.


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## ShutUpJoe (Nov 10, 2009)

Sometimes you don't get along with a horse. I was kind of picky about my horses because I based every horse I get on the one horse I owned that I adored. One day I had to smack myself because I was looking for something specific and I had it right in front of me but I didn't like her because she wasn't what I considered the right size for me. I wouldn't dream of selling her now. You have the opposite problem where you have a horse that you like on the outside but aren't clicking with on the inside.

You really have two options, you can try to learn to like each other or you can sell her to someone who has the potential to get along with her better. Sometimes you learn to dislike a horse because of something that they have done that you feel can't be worked through. You lose trust in that horse and respect. In the end it's not worth it because you end up not liking the horse more and more every time you deal with it. 

I've had horses that I just don't click with and unfortunately because of the space we have and the cash we spend on the horses that meant they had to find a new home. In fact I'll probably be selling Davinci soon because I've decided that I'm not really a stock horse person and he has the laziest attitude of any horse I've ever owned. His attitude is just like the horse that I absolutely adored but I've discovered that attitude is not the one I want anymore. I had been looking for the wrong horse all along.


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

That makes bucketloads of sense. Thanks ShutUpJoe I appreciate it. I'm I'm the same kind of spot I don't have limitless room to have a bunch of horses. 

It's going to be hard finding someone who wants an unfinished extra mouth to feed this time of year. I was planning on sending her to a trainer in January should I still do that? She's had 60 days but that's it.


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## mbender (Jul 22, 2009)

I would. How long have you had her? Give it til winter is over and try to get along with her. Like you said, no ones gonna want a horse this time of year. Probably wouldn't get back what you paid.? There's always hope!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ShutUpJoe (Nov 10, 2009)

That is up to you. Try sending her to the trainer and see if you click better once she's back. Not too mention you might up her sale value with some training on her.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Cinder,
Can you explain what sort of things you don't like about this horse? How is this not getting along manifesting itself.?

For example. There is one horse at the barn where my horse is boarded. I just don't like this mare. She is ugly to me, not that I can blame her for that. The way she just stands there and gawks at me when I ask her to move out of the path. The way she walks up ON me if I am feeding a treat to my horse and looks past me as if I am not there. The way she is so dull to my either pushing her off by pressing into her chest, and even her lack of sensitivity to the propeller end of the lead rope. I end up actually having to whap her with it to get a response, and even then it's dull. But when something scares her, she goes totally out of her head and you cannot break through her maniacal concentration on the scary thing. You have 1000 pounds of dull brick wall that could run you over. And it seems that nothing can get her to wake up. I wouldn't take this horse is she was given to me. She isn't mean. She isn't bad, her owner loves her and is doing well but I just don't like her.

Can you tell me how you feel about Cinder?


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## Wallaby (Jul 13, 2008)

I can tell you that when I first started working with Lacey, I absolutely hated her, pretty much. She didn't want to be with me and I didn't want to be with her. really the only reason I was working with her was that I didn't want to see a perfectly healthy horse put down because that was her next stop. 
I stuck with it thought and now (after three years of tears and trouble), we're basically inseparable.
Looking back I've realized that she wasn't the horse I wanted, she was the horse I needed. She helped me see the areas I needed work in and she helped me round myself out as a person. 
Now we really couldn't be more in tune, but back when I got her, I was literally seconds away from giving up on her, multiple times. She wasn't affectionate like I wanted and she didn't seem to need me like I wanted. Now that I am looking back, I can see that she really needed me more than I had any idea and that I just had to learn about interpreting her quiet kind of affection. Through the bond we have, I now have that horse I was looking for and couldn't find, but it did take 3 years.

I don't know, you obviously know her and your relationship better than anyone but I wouldn't really look into selling her before you really examine your relationship. Perhaps you two are too similar (like Lacey and I) and that's what's getting you, or perhaps she has a different "brand" of love than your other horses and you need to readjust to that.

I second what someone said about sending her for more training and then reassessing when she comes home.

And, on the flip side, there's absolutely nothing wrong with finding an animal a new home when it just isn't working out with you. Every animals deserves their "one" and every human deserves their "one" as well and there is no shame in recognizing that you aren't each other's "one".

I wish you luck!


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

Thanks.

Mostly I think it's training issues. There was an awful lot of misinformation given to me when I got her. So I guess I have a bad taste in my mouth from that. I'm not new to horse buying and selling but I guess that's what you get sometimes. But the behavior she got away with for the last 5 years is getting really difficult to deal with and try correcting. For example, when trying to pick up her feet she'll move all over sunshine and breakfast to avoid it. If I do manage to pick up her foot, she'll cow kick. She doesn't have any pain issues, I've had the vet go over her twice, a chiro go over her and an equine dentist. When I put the saddle on her (which was professionally fitted) before I can even think about a girth she starts kicking at me. 

She gets lots of ground work for this. Lots. I've worked with abused horses, OTTBs and other fun little projects and either I'm just getting old and realizing I'm actually mortal but she's something else.

It's a training issue for sure. Maybe I should just keep slogging on. I've prewarned the trainer about her and she's confident about working with her.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

Like other posters have stated, regardless if a horse is your 'type' or not, sometimes you just don't get along. I have that same relationship with my Dad's horse. I can handle him, I can ride him but I don't enjoy one moment of any of it.

I like the idea of giving it some more time. Since you haven't known her for all that long, I would give it at least until early spring. That way, you can have the trainer work with her and if that doesn't help, it will at least up her re-sale value.


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## CinderEve (Oct 26, 2010)

Excellent points. I appreciate everyone's replies and advice.


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## Remi (Sep 9, 2010)

I didn't get along with my first horse. I had him almost a year and only rode him when I had to. I would usually swap with my cousin and ride her horse.

My second horse was like night and day. He was awesome and just right for me.

Neither had any training issues, just different personalities.


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