# Venting out, does ignoring mean I should move on to something else?



## Chappywillbehisname (Mar 1, 2018)

I'm a little bummed out. I started riding at 30, a few days shy from 31 and I am 32 yrs old now. I am not young and fearless like I used to be so I know for a fact that has contributed to not progressing in riding as fast as I wish I could. I am stuck on the beginning phases. Such as putting my weight on my toes, not sitting on my pockets, not relaxing on the sitting trot, not having a strong lower leg, gripping, this and that... I've noticed recently that on group lesson the instructor tends to only focus on this one rider. The rider is incredibly friendly and just a gem to be around with, I like her a lot. We started almost at the same time except she was a few months into riding when I joined. She already has progressed into some jumping lessons. She owns her own horse. what I have noticed is that when I ask what is she does to fix the problems I have she says she has them too (which I have noticed) except I never see the instructor giving up on her or pointing them out constantly. For example, having a lower quiet leg when trotting. God knows I try to keep quiet and I have been practicing w/out stirrups lately but there is always something wrong. My dear fellow rider has a lot of lower leg movement but she doesn't get negative criticism as I do. If I try something such as cantering a figure eight and I fail I am asked to walk and cool the horse but if it's her she is made to keep going until she gets it right or near right. Individual lessons and group lessons are the same price and bc of work schedule I cannot take and individual lesson. Is this common? Do instructors have favorites? I am just upset last lesson was mainly all for her while I just watched in the middle of the arena and every now and then got my lesson horse to canter using no stirrups and inside hand on my hip to fix leg position and balance but instructor had all her attention on the other rider. I will eventually bring this up the the program manager if it continues, anyone have experience similar cases?


----------



## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

I don't know, I'm honestly not socially astute enough that I would even notice it, I don't think. 

What I do think is that for whatever reason, you and this instructor are not meshing. It sounds to me like you should find a new instructor.


----------



## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Well, the fact the other student has her own horse allows her unlimited time to ride and practice what she is instructed on in lessons.
I would expect her to be further along when she is not sharing a horse with others, hasn't to share...

As for the instructor..._don't take her nonsense of treating you this way._
Speak with her quietly, "Look, constructive criticism is one thing. Being negative toward me and not encouraging is not helping me. If you can not offer some positive reinforcement, or are not interested in giving me lessons tell me. My money is welcome in many instructors pocket and I will find another barn and or instructor who wants to work with me in a positive way. Being belittled by you is just not my thing, besides it hurts."
The ball in her court will then be all hers to score with or foul and you find another instructor or stick around.
Sadly, some barns also cater and encourage boarders as they are spending more money than the student who comes one time a week for a lesson.
Is it right,_ heck no._
But sometimes those barns and instructors need to be told their attitude is wrong...
Only you know personality wise what you are comfortable with.
For me, if I stepped on your toes you gave me reason to...
Treat others as you wish to be treated is a good rule many should remember...
Quite a few would be very embarrassed to see how others perceive they treat others...looking through anothers glasses. :|
If after speaking with the instructor her attitude continues....find another barn or instructor and take your $$ with you.
If there is another instructor at this facility, if comfortable with their instruction take your lessons with them. 
If asked why the change, be honest and tell that you were not comfortable with how you were repeatedly spoken to and ridiculed...even knowing it bothered you the instructor saw no reason to change and you see no reason to spend your $$ on her negative teachings.
Done, move on.
_You have to advocate for you and insist on how you are treated as a adult. *Take no less...*_

:runninghorse2:...


----------



## 4horses (Nov 26, 2012)

It takes a long time to develop the muscles and balance you need to ride well. The best beginner riders usually participate in some other sport- soccer or karate for example. If someone has their own horse, they can ride daily and progress faster. Stop comparing yourself to other riders and focus on you. 

As for your instructor, they sometimes focus on whoever has the deepest pockets. It doesn't make it fair, but it does happen. Is the other rider paying more than you? Riding more often or going to shows?

Otherwise, you should say something to the instructor. Don't necessarily report your instructor, just say. "I feel like you are focusing on other riders more than me. Could I have a slightly longer lesson today? Or could we work on (whatever exercise you wish to improve)?


----------



## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

I had a coach who was pretty rude to me. But I was in my late fifties, didn't care what she thought, and got great ideas on exercises and other tips by listening to her coach others on the class. 

I may have exceptionally 'thick skin.'

After being told that it was amazing that I could even stay on, to give my horses extra feed or a massage for putting up with me, and some other rude comments about my age... One day she needed my help. 

A dangerous rider joined the group. Coach rode by me and said, " Do that bulldogging or cutting stuff you cowboys do. Just keep him away from the others." I did. 

I had her as a coach for three years. She never let on if she thought I improved even an inch. But we are still in contact with each other socially. 

Only you know if there is any benefit to you to continue riding with your instructor. If there isn't, I hope you find a great one.


----------



## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

In group lessons it's not unusual for more than one rider to be having the same problems at the same time. I always found it far more constructive to hear and see what the instructor was telling the others and watching them fix it, than if they were always talking to me. My instructor would look a me, and another student, and address each one or both or maybe only one at a time and he'd describe what was going on wrong and how to fix it. On the days he focused on me, I didn't find it nearly as instructive.


----------



## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

Adult also in their 30's. I live in London so have many yards and instructors around to try and believe me I shopped around a lot. I definitely noticed that at the start that some instructors just treated us "casuals". Other riders in pony club or had their own horse absolutely got more attention. What really helped with one place where I really loved the instruction was having a few private lessons and upfront asking "please teach me as if you have a standard. I don't just want to plod around." After that she roasted me in a good way by pointing out everything. I then found another instructor who was almost too much. She treated every rider, even beginners, as if they were about to enter the grand prix. No mistake went unnoticed and it was a barrage of commands. But I loved that also. Then I had the most awful instructor. I couldn't believe she was getting paid. She was smoking a cigarette and just telling people to trot. There were people in the group who had never trotted before flailing around on unhappy horses. The moment I say I have my own horse though that's it... I'm now helped up to a higher standard. It IS interesting to note. bahhhh I guess what I'm trying to say is ... speak up. Point out you notice and understand that because X rider has a horse that she is more invested. But that despite your age you want to take this hobby seriously and can't do that if you're being treated like a casual-goer. She might literally think you're just in it for "fun" which we all are... but we all like progress. good luck!

ps... my best friend didn't canter for her entire first year of weekly riding lessons because she was so anxious. It's coming up on 3 years now and she's jumping on a horse she shares once a week! Don't be put off. She's also the same age


----------



## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

Try not to get caught up & compare yourself to the other rider. She is in a different situation than you. Since she has her own horse, she can ride more. Doesn't make you less of a rider though! You should talk to your instructor though. Explain to her that you feel like you need a bit more instruction, explain how you feel, and what you'd like to work on etc. 

If, however, you aren't feeling like you are getting enough individual attention from this instructor, there are plenty other ones out there. Just have fun & think, every ride is progress!


----------



## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

Chappywillbehisname said:


> I am not young and fearless like I used to be so I know for a fact that has contributed to not progressing in riding as fast as I wish I could.


Nope and that's okay! LOL Your brain is fully aware that horses are big animal and you can get hurt. I'm 33 and I sure don't take the risks like I used to, because I know what can happen. It perfectly okay to not be "young and fearless" because you make better smarter choices. 




Chappywillbehisname said:


> I am stuck on the beginning phases. Such as putting my weight on my toes, not sitting on my pockets, not relaxing on the sitting trot, not having a strong lower leg, gripping, this and that... I've noticed recently that on group lesson the instructor tends to only focus on this one rider. The rider is incredibly friendly and just a gem to be around with, I like her a lot. We started almost at the same time except she was a few months into riding when I joined. She already has progressed into some jumping lessons. She owns her own horse. what I have noticed is that when I ask what is she does to fix the problems I have she says she has them too (which I have noticed) except *I never see the instructor giving up on her or pointing them out constantly*. For example, having a lower quiet leg when trotting. God knows I try to keep quiet and I have been practicing w/out stirrups lately but there is always something wrong. My dear fellow rider has a lot of lower leg movement but *she doesn't get negative criticism as I do.* If I try something such as cantering a figure eight and I fail I am asked to walk and cool the horse but if it's her she is made to keep going until she gets it right or near right. Individual lessons and group lessons are the same price and bc of work schedule I cannot take and individual lesson. Is this common? Do instructors have favorites? I am just upset last lesson was mainly all for her while I just watched in the middle of the arena and every now and then got my lesson horse to canter using no stirrups and inside hand on my hip to fix leg position and balance but instructor had all her attention on the other rider. I will eventually bring this up the the program manager if it continues, anyone have experience similar cases?


Well I have some questions. First of all, how often are you riding? If you only ride once a week in your lesson, and the other gal rides her horse every day in-between the regular weekly lesson, of course she is going to progress faster and better than you. 

This may also be why you feel the instructor treats you different in some ways because she is farther along than you.

What do you mean "you fail" when you do a figure 8? How do you "fail" that? If you are comparing yourself to the other rider -- don't. It sounds like you are at different riding levels.

If you feel like you are not getting enough attention from your trainer in the group lesson, then you either need to talk to trainer to remedy it or.... find a different trainer. 

Or maybe there is a way that trainer can work out an individual lesson with you, based on your work schedule. Have you asked?

Based on your posts, it does sound like you have a very negative self-image of your riding in general. Are you sure the instructor is "being more harsh" to you, or are you perceiving it as being more harsh?


----------



## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

Chappywillbehisname said:


> I'm a little bummed out. I started riding at 30, a few days shy from 31 and I am 32 yrs old now. I am not young and fearless like I used to be so I know for a fact that has contributed to not progressing in riding as fast as I wish I could. I am stuck on the beginning phases. Such as putting my weight on my toes, not sitting on my pockets, not relaxing on the sitting trot, not having a strong lower leg, gripping, this and that... I've noticed recently that on group lesson the instructor tends to only focus on this one rider. The rider is incredibly friendly and just a gem to be around with, I like her a lot. We started almost at the same time except she was a few months into riding when I joined. She already has progressed into some jumping lessons. She owns her own horse. what I have noticed is that when I ask what is she does to fix the problems I have she says she has them too (which I have noticed) except I never see the instructor giving up on her or pointing them out constantly. For example, having a lower quiet leg when trotting. God knows I try to keep quiet and I have been practicing w/out stirrups lately but there is always something wrong. My dear fellow rider has a lot of lower leg movement but she doesn't get negative criticism as I do. If I try something such as cantering a figure eight and I fail I am asked to walk and cool the horse but if it's her she is made to keep going until she gets it right or near right. Individual lessons and group lessons are the same price and bc of work schedule I cannot take and individual lesson. Is this common? Do instructors have favorites? I am just upset last lesson was mainly all for her while I just watched in the middle of the arena and every now and then got my lesson horse to canter using no stirrups and inside hand on my hip to fix leg position and balance but instructor had all her attention on the other rider. I will eventually bring this up the the program manager if it continues, anyone have experience similar cases?


 I see the possibility for two things - 1) As you are paying by the lesson for a group lesson her attention is going to be divided. Add in someone that has their own horse and likely spends more money in the establishment because they board then they are going to cater to the $$$. 

2) You are on a lesson horse - correct? Not saying this is correct but giving improper cues will mean someone will need to put time on that horse to keep him going properly. That costs them in the long run unless they have a string of upper level students they can put on that task. Taking that into consideration vs someone screwing up their own horse where they then potentially get more $$$ fixing the boarder's horse they follow the money.


Everyone starts somewhere and we all progress at different speeds. If you can't find a mutual meeting of the minds with this instructor it may be time for you to find someone that will focus on you.


----------



## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

I agree with HLG in that you should talk to this instructor. 

Secondly, you would find that your position would improve greatly if, instead of lessons in the arena you could be taken out on some trail rides and just keep moving.


----------



## TheVaulter (Jul 16, 2019)

This one is a classic, not only in horseback riding lesson, but I used to see similar situation as a kid taking violin lessons or at schooler practices. Unfortunately this does happen in a lot of situations, even in work environments. It is very unprofessional and does show in away of possible favoritism in some situations. But yes, contact the manager would be a good thing to do if the person giving lessons is not the person running the establishment. It would be good to note it because this instructor may be doing the same in other lessons.


----------

