# doing a favor for a friend?



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

I have a young friend who boards her horse at my house. I have told her that I expect her to spend time with her horse and work around the barn as conditions for being here. Lately, I don't see her here much and she doesn't put in the time on chores. 

Now she is pregnant and can't ride or do much at all because of doctor's orders. Her husband will do some things for her but I don't see it getting any better....

I feel bad enough about my horses not getting the kind of attention they deserve from me! Now her cute little guy pulls on my heart. He likes attention...

What do you think? Should I tell her to move on? I worry she can't find a place like mine that is so affordable as she has little money.


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

If she doesn't have the time or money for a horse, she shouldn't have one. It's also not your responsibility to cover her bills. If she had an agreement to do chores in exchange for some board then by not doing them, you are footing that.

I think she needs to either move the horse elsewhere or sell it if she's not going to devote the time or money to its care and training.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## barrelbeginner (Jan 31, 2012)

I agree with the above. Is she paying any money for board? Or was it all in exchange for some chores?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

She pays about $30 per month


----------



## EdmontonHorseGal (Jun 2, 2013)

considering the circumstance - she's pregnant and can't do chores, and her hubby may not have the time to do them - i would approach your friend about leasing out her horse to somebody that would have the time to come out and spend time with the horse and do chores, etc. at least for the period of time that she is pregnant and going to be busy with new baby. say, 6 month lease term to start with, and extended if need be. the lease person can take over the chores and the $30 a month. i know if i found a lease like that i'd be overjoyed!


----------



## littrella (Aug 28, 2010)

or sugest that since she physically can not hold up her end, if she can contribute more $ to help cover your time for taking care of her horse ???


----------



## Regula (Jan 23, 2012)

I am in the very last stages of pregnancy now (had a very, very easy pregnancy at that), and trust me, she will not have more time or energy to devote to her horse anytime soon. After the birth will for sure be no better.
So if you want to see changes and don't want to get stuck with caring for her horse practically for free, talk to her now about how unhappy you are. "Friendship" goes both ways, she should stick to her end of the agreement too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

You are already feeding the horse for free...honestly what does $30 cover? Near nothing...bag of feed...few bales of hay if that.

Have a real heart to heart talk and just lay it on the line. She or her husband need to do more hands on with the horse...pregnant or not it is their horse and their responsibility to provide care, time and cover the horses bills.
Maybe now is not the time with a new baby on the way and tight finances and time to have the horse. 
Make a offer, a realistic offer if she wants out and hasn't known how to approach you to tell you she is in over her head and has been for some time, and only if you want her horse for your own.
If you take ownership, exchange $$ and a full bill of sale...keeping friends friends needs black & white paperwork done so no pointing fingers in the future.

If your friends are not willing to meet you more than 1/2 way in caring and providing for their horse then that burden should not be put on you... give them till the end of the month and they must remove the horse.

You need to be fair to you too...not just walked all over and put out because they are unable but want to say "I have a horse"...BS...it takes work to make that claim and $$ to do it as needs doing for the animals sake!

_jmo..._


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

EdmontonHorseGal said:


> considering the circumstance - she's pregnant and can't do chores, and her hubby may not have the time to do them - i would approach your friend about leasing out her horse to somebody that would have the time to come out and spend time with the horse and do chores, etc. at least for the period of time that she is pregnant and going to be busy with new baby. say, 6 month lease term to start with, and extended if need be. the lease person can take over the chores and the $30 a month. i know if i found a lease like that i'd be overjoyed!


Well, I don't want another stranger coming to my barn. I'm a private person and its hard enough having her come. I also lease some pasture to a family for their cows, so I feel like I have enough of that.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

I have another friend who may be interested in the horse and I told her that. He would be a lucky horse if my other friend had him. But she is not interested. 

She was supposed to come out yesterday, but was a no show again. I need to have a face to face with her and tell her how I feel.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

horselovinguy said:


> You are already feeding the horse for free...honestly what does $30 cover? Near nothing...bag of feed...few bales of hay if that.
> 
> Have a real heart to heart talk and just lay it on the line. She or her husband need to do more hands on with the horse...pregnant or not it is their horse and their responsibility to provide care, time and cover the horses bills.
> Maybe now is not the time with a new baby on the way and tight finances and time to have the horse.
> ...


I don't want the horse because I have 3 of my own already and just sold one to "horse down." He is a very sweet gelding and if I were looking for a horse, he would be my choice. But I have more than enough, lol.


----------



## Katiy (Dec 29, 2013)

Explain to her that you understand she must be in a really hard predicament at the moment as i imagine with her pregnancy it maybe a scarey time for her especially if its her first. Unfortunately you are having a hard time looking after an extra horse at this time and see if her husband could help out some more. If she is a good friend she will understand, she also maybe feeling quilty and torn wanting to be there but unable too. It is frustrating when you have done so much to help, I hope she doesn't take advantage and understands your predicament as well. Good luck .


----------



## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

tiffanyodonnell said:


> I have another friend who may be interested in the horse and I told her that. He would be a lucky horse if my other friend had him. But she is not interested.
> 
> She was supposed to come out yesterday, but was a no show again. I need to have a face to face with her and tell her how I feel.


 Unfortunately when you "do business" with a friend you have to be extremely careful to treat it as a business contract. For the tiny amount you are charging her you are really being taken for granted and when this baby comes, believe me the situation will get much worse.
I'm glad you are going to have a serious talk with her and it's going to be especially hard because you think of her as a "friend". Friends don't take advantage of other friends so look at it that way. Be tough and remember that this is effecting your peace of mind.
You need to increase your fee drastically if she doesn't end up making arrangements for someone to take care of the horse. Tell her you are going to have to pay someone to take care of it and she has to cover it. If she can't or won't do this, give her a time period to get the horse off your property. You really don't need this going on at your own property-you should be able to come to your own home without stressing about it everyday. Down the line, remember this when a "friend" want to do business with you.


----------



## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

Coming in from a different direction than most - I don't know if the lack of time she is spending with the horse is by choice or because of other obligations. I can relate to not having time, as it stands at the moment, I haven't sat on my gelding in about 2 months as I'm working 70odd hours a week, while also raising my two kids. At the moment, he sees me twice a day - gets turned in/out, fed and a quick once over. Come summertime, when the days are longer and I have the light I need I'll be able to spend more time with him. I personally don't think it is anybody's right to tell somebody, or suggest to somebody they sell something - that is her personal business. I don't know the relationship behind this girl and her horse, but I know how I felt when I considered selling my gelding. Your friend will be going through a changing time in her life - having kids can be incredibly tough on people and quite possibly that horse will be her little piece of solitude. 

Saying all of this - I in no way shape or form can see how you are possibly allowing her keep a horse there for that price. My keep is 25 per week, I pay feed/bedding/everything and he doesn't look at my horses. You seriously need to consider what you are doing for her, and reassess what you are charging. In reality you are offering the girl full livery - so you want to be getting paid full fees. I would speak to her and see if you can come to an arrangement that suits both of you.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Chasin Ponies said:


> Unfortunately when you "do business" with a friend you have to be extremely careful to treat it as a business contract. For the tiny amount you are charging her you are really being taken for granted and when this baby comes, believe me the situation will get much worse.
> I'm glad you are going to have a serious talk with her and it's going to be especially hard because you think of her as a "friend". Friends don't take advantage of other friends so look at it that way. Be tough and remember that this is effecting your peace of mind.
> You need to increase your fee drastically if she doesn't end up making arrangements for someone to take care of the horse. Tell her you are going to have to pay someone to take care of it and she has to cover it. If she can't or won't do this, give her a time period to get the horse off your property. You really don't need this going on at your own property-you should be able to come to your own home without stressing about it everyday. Down the line, remember this when a "friend" want to do business with you.


Well, the deal was that she only had to pay the cost of feed for her horse, what it cost me. I have 34 acres and the grass has been really good this year, so our feed "costs" are low. So that is how the price came about. 

But the deal also included her coming out 3 times a week minimum and working around my place. We have a TON of work to do here, as our new ranch was a rental/ranch hand house for many years. Everything is run down and in disrepair. Basically, it was supposed to be her working for her board.

When she is here, she only works for a few minutes. I don't understand how she can do that, knowing that I am giving her practically free board. I have told her I expect at least a couple of hours per week, but she has chosen to do otherwise. I have given her a list of chores, including picking up rocks in the field. There are endless rocks in my fields, LOL. She has made a pile with about 30 rocks in 4 months. She was here last week on Sunday for 40 minutes because they didn't want to miss the Packer game. That was it for the whole week. No other visits, feedings and NO HANDLING of her horse at all.

I talked to her on Sunday. I just said it wasn't working for me anymore and she was very gracious. She said she will start looking and she had some ideas. I appreciate that she did not argue or act disappointed or make me feel bad. Now all I have to worry about is how long it takes her to move him.

I wanted it to work out! I enjoyed having a friend to ride with sometimes, and we could really use the extra hands around here. But I am not interested in nagging someone to do the work, or to spend time with their horse.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Maple said:


> Coming in from a different direction than most - I don't know if the lack of time she is spending with the horse is by choice or because of other obligations. I can relate to not having time, as it stands at the moment, I haven't sat on my gelding in about 2 months as I'm working 70odd hours a week, while also raising my two kids. At the moment, he sees me twice a day - gets turned in/out, fed and a quick once over. Come summertime, when the days are longer and I have the light I need I'll be able to spend more time with him. I personally don't think it is anybody's right to tell somebody, or suggest to somebody they sell something - that is her personal business. I don't know the relationship behind this girl and her horse, but I know how I felt when I considered selling my gelding. Your friend will be going through a changing time in her life - having kids can be incredibly tough on people and quite possibly that horse will be her little piece of solitude.
> 
> Saying all of this - I in no way shape or form can see how you are possibly allowing her keep a horse there for that price. My keep is 25 per week, I pay feed/bedding/everything and he doesn't look at my horses. You seriously need to consider what you are doing for her, and reassess what you are charging. In reality you are offering the girl full livery - so you want to be getting paid full fees. I would speak to her and see if you can come to an arrangement that suits both of you.


Without going into a lot of detail, it is not from a lack of time. She is home all day.

I know her financial situation, and I know she doesn't have the money. If I demanded more money, I know it would be difficult on their little family, and I just don't want to be the one to do that. I would wimp out and say okay, you don't have to pay me this month. It is better for me to get out of any financial relationship with her. 

It helps me to hear others recognize that this is a really good deal for her. I thought she would seize the opportunity to work for her horses board. It would have been good for both of us if she had.


----------



## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

A good deal is one where both parties are satisfied. Since you aren't satisfied, then the deal is no longer a good one. I see she's agreed to move her horse, I'd notify her in writing that she has until Jan 30 (or whatever date you see fit) to remove the horse from your property. I'd send it certified mail, return receipt and then I'd also hand her a copy of the notice. That's being fair but also serving notice that you're not going to allow her to continue using you.


----------



## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I think you did the right thing, OP. You approached her kindly and professionally.

She can't expect to keep her horse somewhere for so inexpensive and not hold up her end of the bargain. It isn't fair to you, and it isn't fair to her horse.
Keep us updated.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

UPDATE: The kid is supposed to move her horse this Saturday after 3:00, and pay me what she owes me. She has been waiting for her check from her new job, which she already quit because she has discovered she has terrible carpal tunnel syndrome in her hands (along with many other ailments that keep her from working). 

I just hope she follows through because if she doesn't, I am going to start all the legal procedures. I can't allow her to stay and use my kindness to keep a horse she can't afford. If she doesn't follow through, I will give her 30 day notice and once the horse is mine, I have an acquaintance that is interested in taking him who will give him an excellent life. 

Tired of being a doormat...


----------



## Strawberry4Me (Sep 13, 2012)

Foxtail Ranch said:


> She pays about $30 per month


:shock: Do you want to move to Maine and be my friend?? :wink:

I feel like there should be some sort of courtesy from her in this situation. Because you really are doing her a huge favor by boarding her horse for so little money. If she is really struggling with coming out, she should have the decency to sit down and talk to you about her struggles, and when she thinks it might get better. If ever... 

I pay over 10x that amount for board, and I am always at the barn helping out... just because. I board at a woman's house, its not really a boarding facility. Its a nice gesture to lend a hand and help out. I recently had surgery and some medical issues, and therefore haven't been able to help as much as I would like... but at the same time- the BO got into a car accident yesterday, and is fine, but a little banged up and sore. So I will be going out every morning and doing feeding, turnout, and stalls for all of the horses, not just mine. 

Just because. That's what you do. And I actually pay. If I were her and you were doing this for me, my butt would be out there cleaning stalls and picking paddocks every day! 

Have a talk with her. You deserve a little more respect than what she is giving you. And her horse deserves someone that will at least visit.


----------



## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Foxtail Ranch said:


> UPDATE: The kid is supposed to move her horse this Saturday after 3:00, and pay me what she owes me. She has been waiting for her check from her new job, which she already quit because she has discovered she has terrible carpal tunnel syndrome in her hands (along with many other ailments that keep her from working).
> 
> I just hope she follows through because if she doesn't, I am going to start all the legal procedures. I can't allow her to stay and use my kindness to keep a horse she can't afford. If she doesn't follow through, I will give her 30 day notice and once the horse is mine, I have an acquaintance that is interested in taking him who will give him an excellent life.
> 
> Tired of being a doormat...


Good. I understand that people come upon hard times, but I don't like it when they transfer these "hard times" to others that try to help them. Remember, you should AT LEAST have her covering her horse's expenses (feed, shavings, etc) and $30/month won't do that. If she can't pay the money or do the work because of her pregnancy then that really sucks for her, but it's NOT your fault and you should not have to pay the slack!


----------



## EdmontonHorseGal (Jun 2, 2013)

i have carpal tunnel, painful right eye at times when out in the weather, chronic ear infection, broken toe, messed up right shoulder, old ankle fracture that didn't heal right, neck alignment problems, and insomnia. i'm a single mom that works full time. 

but i still find time to help my BO out whenever he needs it when i'm at the barn dagnabit. Or if i find out ahead of time that some event is happening (like herd deworming) i make sure i'm there to give a hand. because, as Strawberry4Me said, that's what you do. i'll grab the hammer and nails and go fixing if i see a fence board down without anyone asking.

you deserve a lot more respect than this 'boarder' is giving you. sadly, some people on this planet will take over-advantage of a good situation whenever they can. i do hope you get this all sorted out and not have the headache any more!


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

> Do you want to move to Maine and be my friend??


 Strawberry4me


Yes! I love reading your posts and think you would be a cool friend to ride with! Plus, I was born in Biddeford, ME and love it there. I have at least 100 cousins between Boston and Quebec. I have a serious lack of skills when it comes to snow, though LOL.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

DuckDodgers said:


> Good. I understand that people come upon hard times, but I don't like it when they transfer these "hard times" to others that try to help them. Remember, you should AT LEAST have her covering her horse's expenses (feed, shavings, etc) and $30/month won't do that. If she can't pay the money or do the work because of her pregnancy then that really sucks for her, but it's NOT your fault and you should not have to pay the slack!


I think my young friend has been able to use manipulation to get her way with her parents for a long time, and she is now finding out that the world doesn't put up with it. It is a hard lesson that would have been better learned and much less costly if it had been taught at home. And I don't want to be one of the ones to teach her, as it will end our friendship. 

She must learn that sometimes, you must do things even when you don't want to. I am sure the baby will teach her that soon!


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

> I have carpal tunnel, painful right eye at times when out in the weather, chronic ear infection, broken toe, messed up right shoulder, old ankle fracture that didn't heal right, neck alignment problems, and insomnia. I'm a single mom that works full time.


My friend needs to understand that everyone has a battle to fight when it comes to life, some more and some less. But constantly staying home in bed is not going to work.



> But I still find time to help my BO out whenever he needs it when i'm at the barn dagnabit. Or if I find out ahead of time that some event is happening (like herd deworming) I make sure i'm there to give a hand. Because, as Strawberry4Me said, that's what you do. I'll grab the hammer and nails and go fixing if I see a fence board down without anyone asking.


She will feed and care if I am gone, so I have that. It is just her being so unreliable that makes me crazy, because I don't trust her and when it comes to my barn, I like it to hum with order and cleanliness. It is my retreat from the world and only fulfills me when it is in proper order. When she messes that up, she messes with my ability to relax and enjoy what I work hard and pay so much for.

thanks for your support!


----------



## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Foxtail Ranch said:


> I think my young friend has been able to use manipulation to get her way with her parents for a long time, and she is now finding out that the world doesn't put up with it. It is a hard lesson that would have been better learned and much less costly if it had been taught at home. And I don't want to be one of the ones to teach her, as it will end our friendship.
> 
> She must learn that sometimes, you must do things even when you don't want to. I am sure the baby will teach her that soon!


Unfortunately, they say it takes a village to raise a child. It sucks that it has to be at the cost of your friendship! She'll either be like this for life, always feeling sorry for her situation and taking advantage, or she'll look back one day and realize what a good deal she had with you that she blew.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

If at this point in her life she already has severe carpal tunnel syndrome-how does she expect to ever ride/lunge a horse? It will be difficult caring for her baby, too I'd bet. The girl has more problems ahead than most would like to shoulder-I hope the gelding does not pay the price.


----------



## Slave2Ponies (May 25, 2013)

Sounds like your friend may not have the resources - physical and financial - to own a horse. It's so sad when people cling on to a horse when they should let it go to a better home. I can see a couple of years going by before she ever rides.


----------



## Strawberry4Me (Sep 13, 2012)

Foxtail Ranch said:


> Strawberry4me
> 
> 
> Yes! I love reading your posts and think you would be a cool friend to ride with! Plus, I was born in Biddeford, ME and love it there. I have at least 100 cousins between Boston and Quebec. I have a serious lack of skills when it comes to snow, though LOL.


Well, if you do it right, you don't need snow skills! Our plow guy comes bright and early, so we never have to worry about the driveway. My fiancé does the shoveling, and my work cancels when driving conditions are bad- so we stay home AND get paid for the day. 

I, however, LIKE the snow. So I go out to play whenever we have a storm. My good 'ol Subaru will take me pretty much anywhere I want to go! 

I have family in the Biddeford area. But I am Downeast, and don't get to see them often.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Today is the day! I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will actually follow through on her commitment and take her horse today.


----------



## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Foxtail Ranch said:


> Today is the day! I am keeping my fingers crossed that she will actually follow through on her commitment and take her horse today.


Good luck! Hoping for a smooth move for your sake!


----------



## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

Sounds like your friend has been taking advantage of you. 

Late last year, near the beginning of winter, we agreed to let my cousins board their Mustangs here over winter, on the agreement that my cousins would supply 3 round haybales per month, salt and mineral blocks, farrier care, and find a place to put their animals permanently once the winter was over. 

Well, it's been months and they've only brought out 1 bale of hay. We've supplied the rest. Their horses have had no farrier care. No salt block, no mineral block, etc... Right now, I'm trying to get the horses owners to get out an buy a salt block for his animals, because I just can't afford my three plus my cousin's three.

Some people seem to live to take advantage of people...


----------



## ILoveMyThoroughbredSmokey (Jan 15, 2014)

you should definitely talk to her. it not fair for the horse or for you! $30 bucks is absolutely nothing. that is less then how much it costs me to feed my horse for 1 week. she shouldn't take advantage of your kindness and generosity. If someone let me board for only $30 bucks a month...trust me I would be out at the barn helping as much as I can. I pay $100 a month to keep my horse on someones land. and I have to provide all the food (mostly that their is absolutely no grass) and I have to go there twice a day to take care of him! and I in process of looking elseware for me to keep my horse because the turnout he in is for my opinion too small for him. You should either convince her to sell the horse to a better loving home or to pay you way more.


edit: oops overlooked that there are four pages. I hope everything works out for you!!


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Maybe we could bring our horse to you since this winters been tough financially. I'll give you $30 mo for each. hehehe. Even give you a box of salt. When is a good time? Any one else? BTW, where did you get the idea your were doing her a favor? If someone walked off with your horse, would you not say anything because you were doing them a favor? Because you don't want a confrontation? That's what it's about isn't it. Fear of confrontation.


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Are you being sarcastic Saddlebag?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Foxtail Ranch said:


> Are you being sarcastic Saddlebag?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was also wondering... Seems more like you didn't want to ruin a friendship than strictly wanting to avoid confrontation! 

Anyway, is the horse gone?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

The horse is gone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Huzzah! Gotta be nice to have your barn back!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Its awesome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Oatsmobile (Dec 4, 2013)

How's the friendship?


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Oatsmobile said:


> How's the friendship?


She was a bit cool, but i think it will be okay. I am also friends with her dad, so I really wanted to be fair with her and I am so relieved that someone else will have to demand money from her for her horses care....


----------



## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

Plus, her new barn has a lot of cool things: other young riders, obstacle courses, indoor and outdoor arenas, trails. Maybe all that will entice her to spend more time with her horse.


----------

