# Help Everything was fine but now.....



## Phantomcolt18 (Sep 25, 2007)

okay so most of you know me from the Critique on the Texas Rollback or My Crazy Barrels Run On My Friends Horse.
I have a MAJOR problem right now and i just about worked myself sick about it. I dont know what to do and I need serious advice/help.
Ok here it goes......
So i have been boarding Phantom at my friend's (the one who yells at me in the videos) for 4.5 years now and they let me board for free as long as i pay farrier, worming, and treats once in a while. Everything has been fine until recently. Their landlord has been being a real @$$**** the passed 2 -3 years about everything. They now have the money to move which is great im happy for them. So the passed year they have been looking at houses in their area and today i went with them to see one...i was thinking oh it will be like the others i went with them to see. Well we got there and they fell in love with it.......LITERALLY HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE with the place. So they are really considering it. Im happy they found a place but the thing is Phantom is already 40 mins away from me which sucks but this place that they are most likely gonna get is AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY!!!! Now to some people this is like oh no big deal but i cry nonstop if i dont see Phantom for a week (he's my emotional rock). Also since Phantom is getting a little up there in age if something God0forbid happened*knocks on wood* i would like to be able to get there asap. Well i consider them sort of family and them me--apparently-- but recently its been different. But anyway when we got back to their house i was really upset like borderline crying but i was holding it in so i packed my stuff up to go home(i sleep over almost every weekend) and then ran outto see Phantom(like i said emotional rock and he always lets me hug him and cry**bless that old boy he's heard so many of my problems**) so i was crying them i heard someone on the railing. It was my friend and i thought she was just coming to check on her horse's foot (it was really hot yesterday)so i asked how Tobi's foot was doing and she's like " im coming to ask what you think of the house" well i couldnt hold it in i started crying and i asked her to please dont make me answer the question(as i mentioned before i am sensitive) and i started crying harder because i couldnt picture having phantom so far away when he is too far now. She walked over and literally asked"what my problem was" so i told her and she basically said "well if your gonna be unhappy about it you can move him" but it wasnt in a nice tone it was kind of snappy. Now i have never known her to be like this and she has never raised her voice to me or made me unhappy but this tone was harsh and almost mean. So that made me cry more and she kept going on about me moving him and stuff and saying if i couldnt move him he would saty with her forever. Also i am friends with her daughter and her daughter texted me after i left and said "my mom is such a backstabber" so naturally i asked why? then she replied (this is the actual text) " She is talking s*** about you she said she couldn't believe you were crying over something so stupid and that you are too insecure about a horse and that you are over exaggerating the situation when nothing is actually wrong or gonna change" she continued to say "Those are my moms words not mine...i know it is a big change" It makes me wonder if my "friend" has ever talked about me before. I feel like she doesn't want me there anymore :-(. I dont know what to do. I dont have a trailer and my parents and i are in a bad money situation so i can't pay board for him anywhere. I would totally work at a barn to pay off his board but idk of any places to do it and i still lack a trailer to get him and me to shows. I just don't know what to do anymore. I dont know why she changed like this i always considered them family her daughter doesnt know why she said those things and her husband who considers me a second daughter doesn't know. ugh 

sorry it was so long im just really really upset and dont know what to do.


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## ptvintage (Feb 12, 2010)

Hi Phantomcolt18. I've read your other threads and I think you sound like a very nice girl. Your horse is adorable as well.

I know it's painful to think of losing your horse, but as of right now, it hasn't happened yet, so try to be happy about that. Unfortunately, those people don't need to have your approval to move if that's what they want, although the woman certainly was nasty about it. Even if they aren't moving, I would suggest moving your horse, as anyone who would insult you in that manner is not someone you want controlling your access to your horse, and I certainly wouldn't consider a true friend.

I have been looking for a place to board myself, and in my searches I've found lots of places that will exchange work for board, it just takes some legwork and phone calls to find them. I don't know what state you live in, so I can't tell you exact websites, but try googling, craigslist, and any equine websites.

You will need to figure out a budget and save where you can. I would suggest giving up showing for now to save. I think I remember that you said you are 18, do you have a job someplace? 

Ultimately (assuming you are 18 ) you are an adult and you need to take the responsibility to figure out a way to work this all out. It sounds like you are a sensitive person, but I saw in the other threads you are smart as well, so I'm sure you'll come up with something. 

To be blunt, at some point we all go through times when we can't afford our horses. Your choices are to accept that it's not possible to have a horse, or you can figure out how you can do it. I definitely encourage the later! There is definitely a way to keep your horse, but you may have to give up other luxury like showing or a ring to ride in. Don't think that just because you have been relying on this woman for your horse needs for years that it is the only way to do it. Become self-reliant and figure out how to make it work.

As sad as it is, sometimes it does work out where it's not possible to keep a horse anymore. They are expensive, and it is a luxury to own one. I hope that you don't end up losing your horse, but I'm very sorry if that does happen.

Best of luck, and don't give up! You can make it all work.


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## Phantomcolt18 (Sep 25, 2007)

the weird thing is she was never like this to me before we always had fun riding and now recently things have changed. I can't think of anything i did because i always follow the rules and watch what i say. I will be keeping Phantom i need him in my life right now(he's my rock) but i do need to move him i emailed three places close to me and one replied saying they were full but im still looking. I have been applying everywhere for jobs and no one is hiring me i even had one woman say "to tell you the truth a lot of people aren't hiring teens right now so my manager will probably look at your age and throw your application away" it's horrible that it takes one teen to give us all a bad name. I am a very hard worker and i do not like money being handed to me...i like to work for it. Also i have been saving up some money because i clean for my mommom once a week for $30 but ten goes to gas a week and anything i need then the rest gets saved. My dad said he would pay for showing for me(its only 12 dollars a week). and tomorrow i am going to my friends barn with her to see if her barn owner would be willing to neg. work for board i have met him before and he is very nice and takes awesome care of his horses and the best thing is .....they're not mindless robot lesson horses they all have a different personality. I live in NJ(south jersey) and i have been thinking ever since this happened yesterday as to how i am going to make this work....... My dad said he could get me a trailer as a graduation present.....im willing to do that all i need is a simple two horse. IM just so upset because she has never been that way towards me in the 4 and a half yrs i've been there but i now get the feeling she doesn't want me there.  and i am definately willing to give up luxuries for phantom he has given me so much it's the least i could do for him. thanks so much for replying. and thanks for saying Phantom was adorable it made me smile for seriously like the first time today. : )


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## twh (Feb 1, 2010)

The BO sounds like a real *****.

I have to drive over an hour to see my horse, and I try to see him pretty much every day. You can't fit in that sort of time in your schedule?

It was nice of the daughter to tell you the BO was talking trash about you. Even if you adjust to having to drive 1.5 hours to see your horse, I'm not sure if it's a good idea to keep your horse with someone who thinks they can behave badly to your face and behind your back, even if the board is free.


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## Phantomcolt18 (Sep 25, 2007)

i dont think i could fit it in my schedule.....im trying to find a job right now...so i dont have the gas money and my mom (even though im 1 8 wont let me be down there after dark. i only see him once every week and sometimes only every other week. And now that i look back i guess there were some other things that i might have shrugged off about her and she does seem mean now. and yeah im glad the daughter told me she and i are good friends and she has been having problems with her mom for years and at first i didnt believe her but now i do. I am currently looking for new barns near me that could possibly let me work off board. Im visiting my firen'd barn tonight i hope it goes well i want Phantom out of there.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

If you move your horse closer you will save money in gas to go towards board. You may think they were being rude but you are being selfish. They have been looking for a long time to find a suitable place to move to and I am sure they were hoping for your support and was suprised at your reaction. It's a 2way street. They have been kind and looked after you and your horse for years and it is time to gain some independance. On the places you emailed the emails may have went to spam. I would call or drive over there. You may meet new people to haul you to shows otherwise I would put showing on hold until your finances improve.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

twh said:


> The BO sounds like a real *****.


Wrong.

The BO currently boards the horse for free. The BO rents the property and the OP stated there are issues with the property owners.

In the long run - The OP needs to suck up and deal. She is only looking at herself and her horse - not her friend and her parents - whom the issue impacts the most. Moving their whole home and family.

The BO asked a question and I am sure was shocked at the tears. I can see how she would see the tears as selfish behavior on the part of the OP.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

mls said:


> Wrong.
> 
> The BO currently boards the horse for free. The BO rents the property and the OP stated there are issues with the property owners.
> 
> ...


I hate to say it but I think that's the big issue. The BO was hurt by your reaction, she wants you to be happy and excited for her. Now I know you want to be, and I understand your own "selfish" needs. We all have them. I think the best thing for you to do is to try to find a more local place to board your horse. You may even be able to find a work to board deal.

As for you friend, make sure you tell her you are happy for her. She needs a better situation. I know you understand that and I also know why you are so hurt. An hour and a half is really far. Fourty minutes is far. I really do feel for you.:-(


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Yeah, I'm going to agree with mls here.

The OP is only concerned about _herself_, not the fact that her friend and her family have to move lock, stock and barrel because the landlord is giving them grief.

She's 18 y/o for chrissake, not some 8 y/o who doesn't understand how the world works. 

Sorry, but I absolutely see this as her being worried _only_ about herself and her own problems, so I can see why her friend's mother was rather short with her.

She's been given FREE board and feed for almost 5 years, and is now whining that she might have to drive farther down the road to see her horse? I think she should be kissing this woman's feet and thanking her for letting her horse stay with them all these years for nothing, instead of screeching about how 'it's just not fair, and she's being such a meanie poopie head to meeee!'

You're not 'sensitive' OP, you sound completely self serving and unable to see or understand the problems of others.


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## twh (Feb 1, 2010)

Just to clarify: the BO did behave like a *****. I'm not saying that the BO was not being nice to board the OP's horse for free and whatnot, but I take a very dim view of people who talk trash behind other people's backs — especially to the point that her daughter felt she needed to tell the OP.


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## Phantomcolt18 (Sep 25, 2007)

Congratulations Im gone............as of tomorrow i am closing my account i am tired of everyone on here saying i am selfish and a little ***** or whatever you frigging think i am this is not fair. i said i was happy for them i got excited for them i even told her i was trying to not be frigging selfish and she knew it and said so this is ridiculous i know how this world works and i told them i was not being selfish and i told her right to her face that i was VERY happy for them AND EXCITED for them because i know what the landlord has done he's even messed with me. and i work around the barn and house to gelp out as much as i can...you think i liked having my horse live somewhere for free no i hated it i felt worthless and horrible and got upset every time another bill came up because i knew i couldnt contribute. they always said it was fine and i also try giving them small amounts when i could......i started selling my good clothes and buying from Good frigging Will to give them money and I AM BEING SELFISH!!!! I have nothing because i have to buy my horse weight builder and oat bran every other week, treats, my own clothes, and gas. Nothing i have is new it is all used because i try to give what i can to them. i wouldnt have it any other way because i love my horse more than anything else i could possibly have. I watched their daughter all the time for them to give back. I have done what i could because i felt like such a stupid little idiot because that is what everyone tells me i am.....no one helps me i do it all myself my parents dont help me as they arent horse people so NO ONE HELPS ME i do what i can myself so please stop being rude and making me feel like a crappier person than i already feel....it sucks i really like this forum but if people arent going to give me advice but bash me then i've got to leave...i've got enough problems with my emotionally abusive mother, a father i never see, lack of job, and fighting throughout my family and i dont need to add a place that i felt happy with to that list. and i dont frigging whine or cry for no good reason i AM a sensitive person believe that or not but i am i am not a crazy little selfish teenager i actually know what the adult world is like and have been involved in it for a few years now.....when you grow up in my family you need to grow up quick...you know what i dont even know why i am wasting my time u guys obviously arent going to change your mind about me...which is sad because u are judging me from one post....nvm you wont hear from me anymore bacause i don't want to be a burden on anyone else anymore......sorry if i messed up your day or week or anything i really didnt intend for it........


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## Plains Drifter (Aug 4, 2009)

I could be wrong..but I believe they were saying the BO was being a *itch. BO..meaning Barn Owner..*not you.*


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Speed Racer said:


> Yeah, I'm going to agree with mls here.
> 
> The OP is only concerned about _herself_, not the fact that her friend and her family have to move lock, stock and barrel because the landlord is giving them grief.
> 
> ...


Totally agree!

Lets add they have obviously been giving you free trucking to your shows, right? You mention that you will not have a way to get to shows if you leave there barn, that is what leads me to say that.
And another thought on that line, giving up stuff is how you make things happen. Give up the shows and use that money towards your horses care.

One thing that makes it all clear is your latest rant about how they have stuff and you do not, how you have to buy at good will, etc. 

You are 18. You are plenty old enough to realize that life is not fair. Just because they can afford to does not mean they are wrong and you are right because you can not afford to.

Have you thought about how much your horse has cost them over the years? In money and time? Call around and see what board costs in your area. Call around and see how much trucking costs in your area. You will see how much they have done for you. And from what I read in the original post, they are still willing to do for you. You just do not approve of the place they picked. Which is strange since you later on posted that you only go once per week and you spend the weekends there. So him being further away is only a problem once per week, right?

And for the record, the stuff you have been buying for your horse (weight builder, etc) is stuff that you would still have to buy if you boarded. It is very rare for a boarding barn to pay for supplements of any kind. They also do not pay for vet and farrier care. 

This woman has treated you well for years and just once she is snotty to you (though I think she had good reason but lets set that aside and go with it that she is being snotty) and suddenly she is like the devil. Certainly does not make sense to me.


OP, a thought, you may be having a hard time finding a job because of spelling and such errors in your writing. If your applications look anything like your posts you are not making a good first impression.


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## Phantomcolt18 (Sep 25, 2007)

well im sorry if i was writing that through tears and i was ****ed off because no one is hearing me through.....im sure there are times when you spelled a few words wrong nobody is perfect but apparently i have too much wrong with me ....maybe i should just crawl in a hole somewhere and never come out.....everyone in this life needs to feel better about themselves and in order to do that they put others down....i came to this forum for advice but i guess no one wants to give me any......they just want to bash me because they know they can and they know it will upset me.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Phantomcolt18 said:


> i came to this forum for advice but i guess no one wants to give me any


I gave you advice and you are putting me down for it.

Yes, I make typing errors. Yes, I murder the English language on a frequent basis.

That is why when I am writing a cover letter or filling out an application I make sure I spell everything correctly and use capital letters and such.

You are typing here in all lower case. Not a sign of maturity. Just trying to give you some job hunting help. Advice. Just like you asked for. 

Stop being so stubborn that you do not see things for what they are.


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## ptvintage (Feb 12, 2010)

Welcome to the real world, and welcome to the internet. People just state their minds, they aren't trying to bash you, but they also don't care if you're offended.

Your 18, you are in complete control of your own life. You can get a job just like everyone else. For every well maintained horse, there's someone who works their butts off to pay for it, whether it's the horse owner themselves or their parent or significant other or in your case, your friend. No one has sympathy for someone who had a free ride, and is now complaining that the free ride might be over. 

I only bring this up because you mentioned your home life, and I am not trying to be mean, but you really do need to toughen up. There are a lot of people who have rough childhoods and they can either spend the rest of their lives (50-70 years) crying about how awful 18 years of their life was, or they can man up, and take charge of their life. Instead of getting emotional, why not think about the future and how you're going to change your life?


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Phantom, I have a question for you.

Why is the mother (Barn owner) so evil for telling her daughter how she felt about how you were acting but it is OK for you to post about what an horrible person she is on the internet?


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

I wasn't calling you a selfish witch. I was saying that I understand your feelings, which include your own "selfish needs" The word selfish isn't always used to describe a bad trait. I just wanted to try to help you to understand your friends feelings as well. I really think she did not see YOUR side of the story when you were upset and crying. All she could think was, "How dare you not be happy for me, I'm getting a new home and a happier situation - what kind of friend are you" and then she probably thought something like "All these years I've given you all of this... and you really just used me, never really cared about ME."

Now your side of the story is more like "I'm really happy for you my friend but at the same time my heart is broken because my horse will be even further from me and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel trapped in a situation I can't get out of". 

I was just pointing out that it is a lack of communication that has these feelings on BOTH SIDES going rampid. I don't think that you should jump ship on the forum just becuase people are a little harsh. I know you came here for support and I tried to offer it, so did others, in a "hard love" sort of way. 

Just remember, when life throws you lemons. Make lemonaide...


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

twh said:


> Just to clarify: the BO did behave like a *****. I'm not saying that the BO was not being nice to board the OP's horse for free and whatnot, but I take a very dim view of people who talk trash behind other people's backs — especially to the point that her daughter felt she needed to tell the OP.


That is a "he said, she said" situation. As a BO myself, I take that kind of talk with a grain of salt. Typically things added or deleted to make the person presenting the information look better.

twh - what would you have said differently? The OP has not had to pay board. Farrier, vet, etc would of been paid either way. She stays free for weekends, gets hauled to shows. I think some gratitude and understanding is well deserved on the part of the BO and her family.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

I buy all of my clothes from Goodwill, too. How does doing that make you some kind of suffering, pitiful, sainted person?

Horses are a *luxury*, and since you can't afford to house and feed one on your own, you've been extremely blessed to have someone do it for you. You should be grateful to them, not trash them on an internet BB.

If it weren't for these people, your horse would have been sold down the road a long time ago. I think you need to go and apologize to this woman, and tell her you're sorry for being so selfish and immature.

A bad childhood isn't a 'get out of jail free' card Be thankful for the blessings you've received. 

Twh, I hardly see the BO as the bad guy here. She said something TO HER OWN DAUGHTER, not roundly trashed the OP on a public BB. I find that the daughter repeating to the OP what her mother said to her in confidence was extremely bad form.

So you really think it's okay for the OP to come here and say how mean the BO is for not being more concerned for HER feelings? Really? Because I think your sympathies lie with the wrong person.


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## Phantomcolt18 (Sep 25, 2007)

Okay so i am going to take a deep breath........the only thing that got me really upset was Speed Racer's first post that really set me off because I am not that kind of person......I'm sorry I took my feelings out on everyone else........ I've just been really stressed...but I have been taking what has been said into consideration.



farmpony84 said:


> "All these years I've given you all of this... and you really just used me, never really cared about ME."
> 
> Now your side of the story is more like "I'm really happy for you my friend but at the same time my heart is broken because my horse will be even further from me and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel trapped in a situation I can't get out of".


You might be right here because I am VERY happy for them I hate seeing their landlord push them around like they are nothing more than a ball rolling through life......I didn't want/choose for my BO to see me cry but it just kind of happened when she came outside to talk to me when I'm upset it's hard for me to not cry. I told her I was happy but I guess that wasn't really enough to her but I don't know how to show it to her that I am happy. I want to talk to her but I don't know how to start off. I really didn't want to sound like a selfish brat on here because I'm not I even told my BO while I was crying that I wasn't being selfish just kind of confused and worried but HAPPY and EXCITED for them. And I really do consider them my family and I want them to be as happy as they can be and if moving semi-far away is going to do that then so be it. I'll just have to figure everything out and life will just have to be a bit different for a little while. 

Again I'm sorry I kind of lost my cool or "flipped" just a lot of things are going on and I'm trying to figure them all out at once.


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

I think that this thread has run it's course so I'm closing it.


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