# Debate: Spanking children?



## White Foot (Jun 4, 2009)

I just watched a show where mothers were either for or against spanking as a punishment. What do you think? 

 I was spanked as a kid. I know how to compose myself and I know discipline. I would never talk back to my parents and I respect my elders. Nor do I look back and say, "I hate my parents for spanking me, that was abuse." Frankly, I think alot of kids these days should have been spanked. I hate seeing kids out in public throw a fit. I understand that toddlers and young kids will do that, and I don't care. But the worst is when I go to the mall and see a TEENAGE girl or boy on their nice cell phone screaming at their parents because they won't let them stay at their friends house or won't buy them something. My parents would beat me with anything that wasn't tied down and I was horrible at talking back but after a few washes with bar soap I learned my lesson.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

I'd never consider using soap (but that's mostly because I absolutely cannot deal with puking kids!).

My kids have been spanked but quite rarely. Both my girls got spanked for running into the street, they were tots who couldn't be reasoned with and it HAD to stop because we lived on a busy street and they would be run over. I reserved spankings for when I NEEDED to make a point that something would not under any circumstance be tolerated.

My kids are 9 and 6 and I can't recall the last time they got spanked. There are much more effective ways of punishing them now that they are old enough to understand losing privileges and having extra chores to do for misbehaving. Want to spend your time talking back to me? Oh goody.... enjoy washing dishes, scrubbing bathrooms and folding laundry!


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## Indyhorse (Dec 3, 2009)

Before I was a mother, there were so many things I swore I would and wouldn't do! So much changes when you have a child. I swore I would never spank. But I had and do, when it is necessary.



Delfina said:


> My kids are 9 and 6 and I can't recall the last time they got spanked. There are much more effective ways of punishing them now that they are old enough to understand losing privileges and having extra chores to do for misbehaving. Want to spend your time talking back to me? Oh goody.... enjoy washing dishes, scrubbing bathrooms and folding laundry!


That's my primary method as well. My son does get a swat from time to time, but it tends to be reserved for serious infractions. The best method I have found for his is taking away things he values - favorite toys, removal of TV privileges, tend to get results with him much more often.


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## White Foot (Jun 4, 2009)

Spanking Your Kids: Discipline or Abuse? | The Tyra Show


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

It's officially illegal here.

Anyways, I'm not sure what to think about that. On the one hand, what kind of message that gives to a child? You're allowed to hit other if they're weaker and don't obey the rules you give? Can a parent who threatens you physically be safe anymore? Does physical inviolability pertain to kids too?

On the other hand I think spanking can really make you respect your parents, without all that questioning and playing with limits and rules and it can also be a pretty straight way to teach what's wrong and what isn't. I don't either know if previous, spanked generations are more violent than the current "spankless" ones and if the child can just understand that spanking is just parents' way to set some limits, not a general way to treat other people. 

Anyways I think I wouldn't go for that myself. I still don't accept spoiling and so-called uncontrolled parenting, children need rules and discipline. If you can't go physical way, then you have to find other effective ways to limit your children.


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

Personally I agree with spanking. I had no problem with doing extra chores or getting grounded. My mother was an English teacher, so I also had to write essays. If I was mad I would still act up when I was little. I would never talk to my parents like so many other people my age do. If I did you can bet I would get slapped in the mouth, adn I would deserve it. I will say that I have never been the best at not talking back, but you couldn't have paid me enough to cuss at my parents or talk back in front of people EVER. There are plenty of times when I feel that a fast, strong discipline such as a spanking is much better than waiting until later to ground them or talk to them.


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## ridingismylife2 (Nov 4, 2008)

I've never been spanked,grounded or slapped/hit , and I'd like to think that I turned out ok. 
I have a good relationship with both my parents.


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## Tyler (Feb 10, 2010)

I got my fair share of spankings when I was younger (and deserved every one of them). I personally think that spanking is a good method of punishment... if done correctly. Done in a loving way to correct the child is good. Done in anger, and it could quickly turn bad.... Even though I hated getting spanked way back when, now I appreciate that Mom and Dad did it.


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## Plains Drifter (Aug 4, 2009)

I agree with spanking, like others said, if it's done the correct way. Cause I was spanked as a kid and beaten as a kid and I understood the difference. I don't hold it against my parents because I was spanked. I think it made me more respectful towards my elders. You would never have caught me mouthing off to my teachers or my mother (or she would and did knock me into next week.). But my daughter tells me daily of episodes where she tells a teacher no..or backtalks.  I feel that it's disrespectful and wish I had maybe spanked more so that respect towards your elders had been instilled in her.


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## Solon (May 11, 2008)

I grew up with spankings abound, even a teacher could grab you by the scruff and smack you about. Seems like things have been a lot worse since spankings became so unpopular. It needs to be brought back.


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## my2geldings (Feb 18, 2008)

TaMMa89 said:


> It's officially illegal here.


 :shock:
I only wish it was like that everywhere.
I think it's a very personal decision.

I think you can discipline children in a lot of other ways than spanking. I know my sister in law has never spanked any of her children(she has 5 under the age of 10), and they turned out as some of the best behaved kids I know. 

If you children are raised properly from the beginning, as much as they will always be rully(SP??) because children are children, there shouldn't much that they do that is severe enough to require spanking. I think there is always a different way to take care of situation gone wrong than spanking.


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## Solon (May 11, 2008)

I hope you aren't saying that people who believe in spanking don't know how to properly raise their kids.


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

I was never spanked, iive turned out fine, i love both my parents. as for the teenagers screaming at their parents for things like: you cant stay at a friends house tongiht' well, It only bugs me when parents dont have legite reasons, i have had my friends literally do NOTHING the whole weekend, but their parents wont let them go to a movie or something. My mom always lets me go to a movie or something, and she will adjust her schedule to drive me somewhere if i need it, which makes me feel bad, so i always make sure shes not doig anything or doesnt need to be somewhere, or isnt over-tired, but ive had friends that with get al ****ed at their parents for no real reason, which makes me think " wow, im glad i never argue with my parents" haha but i think im like this because my brother was sorta a 'bad' kid and so im the good kid, haha. but i think spanking is find, wouldnt call it abuse


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

I think certain situations call for certain actions.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I would think it is more mental. If they are scared of getting spanked they will mind. My aunt always got a leather strap off a saddle and snapped it making noise and scared us. We always believed that she would use it but never had to. You can mean business with out spanking but you can't threaten and not follow through.


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## Lucara (Apr 5, 2008)

My step-dad and mom spanked me as a child. Not excessively and never with enough force to leave a mark but it got the point across fast as to what was acceptable and what was not. 

My dad and step-mom never had to. My step mom had this look that would kind of steal your soul if you ever did anything wrong.

I'm ultra close with both sets of parents and I personally think I've turned out great. 

I plan on spanking my children should the time come but I wouldn't depend on that as the only form of discipline.


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## Lucara (Apr 5, 2008)

churumbeque said:


> you can't threaten and not follow through.


Could someone make this a billboard? Because seriously I'm sick of hearing kids scream and squall because they want something and their parents threaten, and threaten and threaten until their blue in the face but by the child's reaction, they've never gone through with it do it doesn't even phase them.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

I grew up in a household that was willing to spank when necessary. My Dad spanked me once for lying and once for not feeding my dog. My Mom slapped me in the face once for talking back. My Grandma even made me get my own switch from the tree in her front yard once, then proceeded to beat me with it. I hated it then but I appreciate it now. I look at some of the people that I grew up with that never had discipline of any kind and it makes me glad that I have the family I do.

That being said, I don't think that spanking/not spanking is the only issue. It is just bad parenting in general that is creating the world we live in today. Parents who depend on tv and video games to babysit their kids. And small children watching shows like South Park and playing games like Zombie Massacre, Grand Theft Auto (where you get points for shooting cops), or whatever (I don't know much about video games but you guys get the idea). I'm not saying that the tv/v-games themselves are responsible but you combine a child growing up on things like that and a parent who is either not present or doesn't care enough to teach them that the things they see on tv are wrong, you end up with a teenager or adult that doesn't see anything wrong with theft. They look down the barrel of a gun and they just see a picture like the tv screen, they don't see a human. I worked in a prison for almost 6 years and I can tell you that the younger crop of criminals coming in are downright scary. They are willing to kill a person just for looking at them wrong and they feel absolutely no remorse for stealing or killing. Many of those that we got in where I worked came from the inner city of Houston, Austin, Dallas/Fort Worth, etc. They were surrounded by violence from every angle and their parents either didn't care enough to actually spend quality time with them or were working 4 jobs just to put food on the table. They were almost always alone and the family structure of a gang is very tempting. They offer money, security, and friendship and all you have to do is go rob this store or kill this rival. It is a vicious circle because society no longer allows anyone to actually punish a child for purposefully doing wrong. Even if the parents are not in the picture, the other adults simply turn their heads and ignore it instead of trying to make a difference. When I was growing up, the entire town had a standing order that if anyone saw me misbehaving, whoever was closest had the right to snatch me up and whip me.

I bet if the first time a man touched a child inappropriately, if the kid's whole family showed up at his house and beat the holy living **** out of him, he would think twice about looking at a kid again. But no, lets send them to prison where they get whatever they want and the guards have to be nice to them, they get free medical care and free education so that they can be smarter about doing it again after they are released from their 5 year sentence. And that's the thing, they will do it again. The state of Texas recitivism rate is more than 85% (that means that 85% of the people that get out of prison will be back inside within a year).

Most of us are part of a society that has become all too content with zero accountability: the offenders are not held accountable for their actions, the parents aren't held accountable for their children, the neighborhoods aren't held accountable for their own residents, and the government isn't held accountable for anything.

Wow, sorry for the big ol' long rant.


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## ShutUpJoe (Nov 10, 2009)

My children get spanked if they put themselves or someone else in danger or if they are timed out for the same thing more than twice. I try my hardest not to spank. Usually I can just turn the mommy stare on them and whatever they are doing wrong stops. They know when I have to spank that means it's something serious. I haven't spanked my oldest (7) in years. He's gotten to the point where he knows better and if he doesn't then he gets his stuff taken away. He DOES NOT get the stuff back. I keep it and pass it down. That's how it is. 

You can't win for losing. If you child acts up in the store people stare at you and give you dirty looks. If you put your child in a time out in the store you get looks. If you spank you get looks. So in order for me to get shopping done (because I was leaving every time one of the kids started a tantrum but now I have 4 so I'd be out of there in minutes, I'd never get anything done) I have to remember to ignore people's stares.

Trust me I get a lot of stares because I have one of those backpack "leash" things for my two year old because he is a runner. You'd think I was walking him around with a choke chain and a cattle prod.


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## lacyloo (Jul 1, 2008)

I was spanked and turned out fine. :shock: *omg...*
Taught me respect and put the "fear of getting spanked" in my head. I haven't been spanked in 5-6 years but I still remember almost every spanking that I did receive wether it was for lying,cursing or throwing a fit. etc

I was raised to *respect *and *obey* my parents. I *never* looked at spanking like I was being beaten and abused like some parents claim that spanking is. I also *never* had bruises from spanking, maybe a temporary red mark. But my parents never did smack me in my face. Thankfully


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## roro (Aug 14, 2009)

I was never spanked, but I don't have a problem with parents spanking children as long as it's done correctly. However, I do respect my parents very much and I don't feel like I missed out on something because I was not smacked every now and then. Like horsemanship, it isn't always fair to punish the horse/kid when the problem could be your upbringing. If you are a lousy parent and never tell your kids the rules, only punish them when they break them etc, then you should not be spanking your child. Lay out the boundaries with your child before the misbehaving incident occurs so he has a chance to behave correctly without being punished first.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

My three boys know that they get ask once, told once, and then it's spanking time. I don't keep count on the times that they get spanked but it's on a downward trend now. I want them to understand consequenses. When they are toddler age they can't be reasoned with and you can't take away thier TV so you can either scream at them, let them do what they want or give them a little spanking that scares them more than hurts them. I don't like the first two alternatives but the last one workds quite well. As my kids get older they get less spankings but when one is needed I don't hesitate and they know that if I threaten to spank them I will if they don't shape up. 

They are also learning how to take an *** chewing and take responsibility for thier actions. One thing that I hate is when a grown man will make excuse after excuse when a mistake has been made or get all bent out of shape when someone says something that might not be real nice. I have been in situations where I could have furthered my carreer if I had diverted blame but I would rather have my integrity. I hope that I raise men that feel that way too. If a spanking is what it takes to do it then I will spank them untill they are 18 years old. I will not raise pansy girly boys. My boys will know how to behave like a man.


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## RadHenry09 (Mar 22, 2009)

I agree with a lot of what Kevinshorses post states. I have a girl but I still want her to take responsibility for her actions. 
I have had people say that I am hard on her but it is like the saying goes "shape up or ship out" If she goes into something half *** I will say something to her about it , not because I expect perfection but because I want her to take pride in the things that she does, and do it to the best of her ability.
As far as spanking , I think there is a time for it. I was spanked as a child and it didnt take long when my Father asked me to do something all he had to do was look at me at certain way and I straightened up.I do not think that an open hand smack on the butt is abuse.
My daughter is older now to the point that I can explain things to her or simply say , "You know better" and that mostly ends it. There are the times that I have to raise my voice to her to get her to understand I mean business and what she is doing is not acceptable.
On the other end of that , I do try to look at things as : Is this going to matter in 10 years? and pick my battles wisely. If it is something petty that can go overlooked ....I wont say anything but if it something that makes her a better person in the long run I def. will! After all, as a parent it is my job to make sure she grows up to be a honorable , functional member of society.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

I was spanked as a child.
Once.

Never needed it again, I only hope MY kids will be that easy when I grow up.


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## White Foot (Jun 4, 2009)

My father never raised his hand to me but god was I deathly afraid of my mother, haha.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Delfina said:


> My kids are 9 and 6 and I can't recall the last time they got spanked. There are much more effective ways of punishing them now that they are old enough to understand losing privileges and having extra chores to do for misbehaving. Want to spend your time talking back to me? Oh goody.... enjoy washing dishes, scrubbing bathrooms and folding laundry!


Doing household chores is a punishment?
Really?

I thought it was just part of being a member of a family and pulling your weight around there, age appropriate chores.


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## Indyhorse (Dec 3, 2009)

Alwaysbehind said:


> Doing household chores is a punishment?
> Really?
> 
> I thought it was just part of being a member of a family and pulling your weight around there, age appropriate chores.


I think she meant EXTRA chores. At least that's how it is in my home. My son, at 6, already has a full load of age appropriate chores he is responsible for every day - feeding his dog, watering the horses, giving Freyja her grain (after I've measured it of course), sweeping the barn aisle, and cleaning his own pony's stall (though I push and dump the wheelbarrow, he IS only 6). When the chickens get here, egg collecting will be added to his chores, which he is already aware of. When he gets extra chores as a punishment, it's usually not a daily chore. He's had to pick up all the walnuts out of the yard, before, and he's had to scrub the deck before.


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## roro (Aug 14, 2009)

Alwaysbehind said:


> Doing household chores is a punishment?
> Really?
> 
> I thought it was just part of being a member of a family and pulling your weight around there, age appropriate chores.


Keyword: EXTRA


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

Oh yes... it's EXTRA!!

My kids have done chores since they were able to walk. We started with picking up toys, putting dirty clothing in the hamper and moved on from there as they became able to do other chores.

Our horse lives at my sister-in-law's place. My girls understand that in exchange for her taking care of her on the days we don't go out there, we take care of all the horses on the days we do. They've complained a couple times but we stick with the No cleaning = No riding and so complaints are few and far between.

In our house if you waste Mommy and Daddy's time by misbehaving, whining, throwing tantrums and so forth, you get to do chores that we normally do. 

My husband and I both work fulltime from home and this is a concept our kids understand. Mommy could be working right now but instead I am having to watch you clean up your room since I asked you twice and you didn't do it. Therefore, you will wash the dinner dishes tonight so I can work then.


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## tempest (Jan 26, 2009)

Gee, where was this debate when I needed input for a speech two months ago, haha. Anyway, I was spanked but only for the extremely serious infractions and honestly I can tell you that whatever it was that I did, I never did again. And even then I do know that I was never spanked more than two times that I can ever remember it happening. I was also given the soap in the mouth, only once though. If done correctly and only when absolutely necessary,and only up until the kid can truly understand reasoning and the taking away of priveliges, it's , in my opinion, alright.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

_I believe in spankings, but on the rare APPROPRIATE occasion; but I was abused so I don't know my true feelings towards it..._


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

To My2G -- how can you say that you wish that spanking is illegal and then say it's a personal decision? Where/when-ever the govt is in your house, personal decision out the window.

I agree with spanking where it works. I have two kids. One got spanked as discipline/punishment -- oh maybe 10-12 times in his 18 years. All before he was 10 I'd say. It worked for him.

My other one? Tried the spanking thing, didn't do diddly squat except make him feel emotionally downtrodden and he never did tie it in as well with the bad behavior like his older brother. Couldn't tell you why, but that's what it was. I tried probably 3 times with him and said, "Nope; this doesn't work." Moved on to other methods... best for him was to let him fall flat with the consequences, no matter how harsh or how far away (in time) it would take. 

There is a huge difference between spanking and hitting though. At times I have been so angry that I truly WANTED to _spank_ one of my kids. Those were the times that I absolutely didn't because it wouldn't have been spanking after all. It was a rather frightening feeling actually.


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## mountainhorse44 (May 26, 2009)

What if you spank your children constantly and it doesnt work?


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## shesinthebarn (Aug 1, 2009)

I don't believe in spanking. I was never spanked and I pride myself on being a respectful, responsible person who is accountable for my actions. For myself as a mom, I can't justify telling my toddler son that hitting is wrong and then when he does something wrong, to hit him myself. It just sends an unclear and confusing message. I also think it's a bit of a fuzzy area legally...when does the line get crossed? Exactly how hard and how many times can you hit before it's abuse? I also don't like the idea of physically intimidating a child who is physically weaker and EMOTIONALLY weaker. 
There are other ways to discipline children and to teach them good values. I prefer to try other methods of parenting and find what works for my kids on an individual basis. Yes, children are frustrating, especially toddlers, and it's not like the thought has not crossed my mind. When I feel like maybe a spanking would be in order, I step back and ask myself if it would actually help, what else could I do to make this a POSITIVE experience in the end, and how I would feel about it afterward it I did in fact hit my kid. Let's call a spade a spade - spanking is hiting. I just don't think I'd like how I felt about myself afterward, and If I can resolve the situation without hitting, than why not? I don't think my kids will be mal-adjusted because they were never spanked. You can still hold core values like respect of others and personal accountablitiy of high importance without hitting. If you want to talk about respect and honour - how respectful is it to hit someone weaker than yourself...
I use Attachment parenting as a basis and it`s worked pretty well thus far, although I know it`s not for everyone...heck, neither is baby wearing and homebirthing, but it works for me! 
OK, book over...flame away.


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## Wallaby (Jul 13, 2008)

I really think it depends on the kid and the parent and how they interact. 

For instance, in my family, my dad wasn't really around very much when my brother and I were little. He'd leave for work before we woke up in the morning and get home after we went to bed. My mom was a homemaker so she was around ALL the time. When my dad would spank me it always ended up with me being scared of him. I still don't like my dad very much at all, but that has roots in the emotional/physical abuse that went on in my house when i was younger. He still emotionally abuses my mom and tries it with me but I really could care less about him at this point, so that doesn't work on me anymore. 
I also think it can backfire. For instance, my brother had some pretty extreme anger issues as a little kid (he still does but he's learned how to keep them in check, mostly, I still worry for the woman he marries though) and with all the spankings my dad would give him, I think that helped my brother decide that physical touch when you're angry is alright. My dad would also hit my brother. The scariest night of my life was the night that my brother realized that he could hit my dad back and hurt him. It was like two bulls fighting, or something. I just remember hiding with my mom in the upstairs of our house, listening to them go at it in the basement. We were terrified to intervene because we were terrified that my dad might come after us. Thankfully, once my dad realized that my brother would hit him back, he stopped hitting my brother and that was basically the day that all physical touches born in anger ended, for everyone. 
When my mom would spank me, it was almost more traumatic becuase I was one of those very rule oriented (still am actually) kids that was absolutely crushed when I accidentally did the "wrong thing" and received a spanking. She spanked my brother and I much more often than was necessary because she had some unresolved anger issues that she was taking out on us. She's realized that now and she's much much better.

In my case, I don't think spanking had anything to do with my respect for elders. I actually have a really deep seated anger towards larger, older men that remind me of my father, which is horrible and I'm trying to work through it. I am a very respectful person however, even if you are a larger, older male. haha Older people love me and I love them right back. I'm always the teacher's pet (which gets pretty old, fast) and my parents always get compliments on how kind and considerate my brother and I are. I think that basically stems from how we've had elderly women (and their husbands to a lesser extent), who aren't part of our real families, in our lives from day one. We grew up around adults and we watched our mother cherish the elderly so we do too. I think another big thing that has helped us is church. Not so much the religion aspect (although, that has helped me with other things) but the being around adults every week on a regular basis and interacting with them part. 

I'm not sure if i would ever spank my child if I ever have one. I'm sure I will want to but I have a very scary tendency to get blinded by anger and just kinda go crazy when I'm confronted by something smaller than me that is challenging me. It's something I work very hard to keep inside, and I do a good job, but I know it's there and it scares me. So I'm not really sure that it would be a good idea for me to ever lay a hand on a child. However, maybe it's a maturing thing. Maybe by the time I have kids, if I do, I'll have matured past that, but I'm not sure I ever want to tempt the "monster". That's also why I'm not sure I ever want to have kids, but that's a story for a different thread. =P

Wow, this has basically turned into a "Wallaby tells all" sorta post... Meep. Haha

Basically, I can see the good and the bad of spanking. I don't think it's for me, but some people definitely need it and it works for them which is great!


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

kevinshorses said:


> My three boys know that they get ask once, told once, and then it's spanking time. I don't keep count on the times that they get spanked but it's on a downward trend now. I want them to understand consequenses. When they are toddler age they can't be reasoned with and you can't take away thier TV so you can either scream at them, let them do what they want or give them a little spanking that scares them more than hurts them. I don't like the first two alternatives but the last one workds quite well. As my kids get older they get less spankings but when one is needed I don't hesitate and they know that if I threaten to spank them I will if they don't shape up.
> 
> They are also learning how to take an *** chewing and take responsibility for thier actions. One thing that I hate is when a grown man will make excuse after excuse when a mistake has been made or get all bent out of shape when someone says something that might not be real nice. I have been in situations where I could have furthered my carreer if I had diverted blame but I would rather have my integrity. I hope that I raise men that feel that way too. If a spanking is what it takes to do it then I will spank them untill they are 18 years old. I will not raise pansy girly boys. My boys will know how to behave like a man.


To-freaking-che!

THE best post I've read in here yet. 

I think it's a tool and used properly and in an educated way, it's pretty effective and not disasterous.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

mountainhorse44 said:


> What if you spank your children constantly and it doesnt work?


Then, as a responsible parent, you STOP and find the discipline alternative that works for that particular child. 

It is a neverending struggle to communicate discipline effectively because the means must change as the child grows and life in the household changes. Nothing ever stays the same.

I remember when I was a kid, my mom had three wooden spoons: the biggest was for my brother, the middle-size one was for my sister and the smallest was for me! <giggle> It was no longer an effective threat by the time I came around though because my parents found out that they could throw panic into my brother just by going to the "spoon drawer"!! 

After that, my mom used her dreaded wooden-soled clogs. They were always on her feet in the house, so they were always convenient! All three of us are productive members of society and very confident people. 

Spanking alone, or using on a leash (see other thread) doesn't define or create dignity or confidence. It the day-to-day support and love that really makes the difference. I know lots of kids whose parents refuse to spank, but the kids are a mess because those same parents don't provide discipline and support in their kids' lives.


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## Tasia (Aug 17, 2009)

I disagree with spanking...


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