# parenting advice



## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

ls6firebird said:


> well im not technically a parent, but im the "legal gaurdian" of my little sister. ive pretty much raised her since i was 16, and she moved in with me when i moved out on my own when i was 18.
> 
> she will be 16 in a couple months. i would like to get her a car a little before she gets her license so she can get comfortable with it before she starts driving on her own. i have been looking at the cadillac cts since ive found a few for sale for around 8500 give or take. i was talking with some friends tonight and they all said i was crazy for spending that kind of money for a car for a 16 year old.
> 
> ...


Firebird, you should like a great bro i must say. And im 16 in like 2 weeks myself  ha ha, but ill try to help you. From what you say about her shes a very well rounded kid, A's in school, community service, and 2.5 GPA. And great she will get 2 years free of community college!! You sound like your very close with her, and i wish i was with my siblings who are much older but 10 and little over 20 years for the other 2. But im gonna by my own vehicle for under 2k, but i think if your willing to get her the car she deserves it. Id sorta do the same for my nieces but i cant get them a car, they also ride so i could get them tack or what ever is needed. Shes a good kid and much better than ones i know.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

VT Trail Trotters said:


> Firebird, you should like a great bro i must say. And im 16 in like 2 weeks myself  ha ha, but ill try to help you. From what you say about her shes a very well rounded kid, A's in school, community service, and 2.5 GPA. And great she will get 2 years free of community college!! You sound like your very close with her, and i wish i was with my siblings who are much older but 10 and little over 20 years for the other 2. But im gonna by my own vehicle for under 2k, but i think if your willing to get her the car she deserves it. Id sorta do the same for my nieces but i cant get them a car, they also ride so i could get them tack or what ever is needed. Shes a good kid and much better than ones i know.


thanks! yea we're really close. thats great that your going to buy your own vehicle. thats what i did and i was so proud of that truck even though it was beat up and rusty. i really believe that its best for a kid to buy their own. she has around 2500 saved up. its just so much harder for a girl to get a job. i was thinking about having her pay 1000 so she still feels like she worked for it. and i want her to have something i can trust. with her being a girl, i worry about her getting stranded somewhere. and the way she has takin care of my truck, shes shown me that she's capable of taking care of a vehicle


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

Your welcome, off topic but your a few years younger than my sis and we sadly havent talked in 4 YEARS! And i cant get her to talk for what ever reason, but you need family. My niece who i talk to now often is a few years younger than me and we get along great, shes a sweet girl too. Awesome shes got a good amount of money saved up, and that can be true. If you do make her pay for part it could and it may mean more to her if you did. In the case if it was me it would. Yeah unless she knows advance auto stuff you dont want her in a truck that got like 200,000+ miles on it thats iffy for a time till you figure out if theres anything wrong with it. She takes care of your truck as well as you make it sound you should trust her with the car.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

If you decide to buy her a car, it should be understood that it's a one time deal, will not be replaced and she should not expect huge gifts next time. 
Personally, I would not buy a 16 year old a car, period. But, I realize there are circumstances that require a 16 year old to have their own transportation.
my son turns 16 in two days. He will not be getting a car. maybe, if he pays half ,. at 17, and has a job to pay for his own insurance.

in any case, if I were you I would buy a car that is very reliable and will not have a lot of repairs. I don't know about Cadillac, but a Toyota or Subura are the car I find has less repair needs.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

tinyliny said:


> If you decide to buy her a car, it should be understood that it's a one time deal, will not be replaced and she should not expect huge gifts next time.


yea thats definately understood lol!! she unfortunately is not used to getting a whole lot, so she knows that she wont get another one.

its definately ideal for a kid to save up and buy their own. but she goes to an elementary school after school to volunteer with an after school daycare type deal for her community service. ive been at doctor appointments with my ankle, and by the time i can pick her up, its an hour late. so when im back working, i know that will be tough to time right. and i wont be able to take her and pick her up from work when she has a job.

another reason to the whole deal, is i dont want her working too much to save money for a car, and work on top of her getting her community service, i dont want her grades to suffer. she spends a lot of time on schoolwork. her grades are going to have a lot to do with her getting into college. so its also understood that if her grades start dropping, the keys will be taken


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

VT Trail Trotters said:


> Your welcome, off topic but your a few years younger than my sis and we sadly havent talked in 4 YEARS! And i cant get her to talk for what ever reason, but you need family. My niece who i talk to now often is a few years younger than me and we get along great, shes a sweet girl too. Awesome shes got a good amount of money saved up, and that can be true. If you do make her pay for part it could and it may mean more to her if you did. In the case if it was me it would. Yeah unless she knows advance auto stuff you dont want her in a truck that got like 200,000+ miles on it thats iffy for a time till you figure out if theres anything wrong with it. She takes care of your truck as well as you make it sound you should trust her with the car.


yea family is big. i hope you guys can work things out someday. its always sad when family cant get along


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

It is, we all get along well. And its not me and my sis dont get along thank god its she wont talk to me.... i dont have her number or anything so im on Facebook and she is and i send her messages and post on her wall and shes always on there at some point but never responds!!! And to your response above... and guessing shes in the same grade im in and school is very important and working on finding possible colleges soon and career paths etc. but you REALLY dont want her grades to suffer and drop. Having all A's gives her a great change to getting into a college she wants to.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

VT Trail Trotters said:


> It is, we all get along well. And its not me and my sis dont get along thank god its she wont talk to me.... i dont have her number or anything so im on Facebook and she is and i send her messages and post on her wall and shes always on there at some point but never responds!!! And to your response above... and guessing shes in the same grade im in and school is very important and working on finding possible colleges soon and career paths etc. but you REALLY dont want her grades to suffer and drop. Having all A's gives her a great change to getting into a college she wants to.


shes a sophomore. yea i was talking with her councelor about her community service hours making sure she was on track to get what she needs and we were talking about colleges. she causually told me what tuition is to some universities and my jaw about hit the floor. i didnt go to college, i had NO IDEA!


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

Ok im one too and though she would be, since shes 15 turning 16 soon. Oh and college tuition... i looked at i for a college i was looking at, umm yeah i dont know what happened but i was like WHATTTTT and then NOOO WAYYY! But community college is much cheaper and some careers you dont need 4 years of college so it all depends.


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

ls6firebird said:


> anyway, am i crazy for wanting to spend that much? usually i feel confident in the decisions i make taking care of her, but i keep going back and forth on this one.


With everything that you wrote about your situation and her attitude, I say that you are not crazy in the least. With your/her type of thinking and bond, you can never do to much for family, IMHO, and you'll be rewarded for it throughout your life.


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

Money is all relative anyway. It sounds like you are both savers, and you know that you get what you pay for. Yes, you can buy a working vehicle for 1500, but if you can afford 8500, you get the bonus peace of mind that goes with it.-
I would not want my 16 yr old daughter breaking down on some highway by herself. Maybe more importantly than her contributing 1000, is that she can pay her own insurance, gas and maintenance. Teach her how to check the fluids, and insist on regular oil changes, etc.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

ITA with Painted and Skips!


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

themacpack said:


> ITA with Painted and Skips!


I agree with her ^


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

Skipsfirstspike said:


> Maybe more importantly than her contributing 1000, is that she can pay her own insurance, gas and maintenance. Teach her how to check the fluids, and insist on regular oil changes, etc.


This is a very good idea. I always stressed with our son that changing the oil and checking the tire pressure are the two cheapest things you can do that will save you the most.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

PaintHorseMares said:


> With everything that you wrote about your situation and her attitude, I say that you are not crazy in the least. With your/her type of thinking and bond, you can never do to much for family, IMHO, and you'll be rewarded for it throughout your life.


thanks! 



Skipsfirstspike said:


> Money is all relative anyway. It sounds like you are both savers, and you know that you get what you pay for. Yes, you can buy a working vehicle for 1500, but if you can afford 8500, you get the bonus peace of mind that goes with it.-
> I would not want my 16 yr old daughter breaking down on some highway by herself. Maybe more importantly than her contributing 1000, is that she can pay her own insurance, gas and maintenance. Teach her how to check the fluids, and insist on regular oil changes, etc.


thats a really good idea!! thank you, i think thats what i'll do. 

yea she already knows how to change oil and check all the fluids, and a few other things


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

Wow, that is admirable. 
To me, it would depend on need. My daughter just started driving so I gave her my car - I don't need it.  She _needs_ it to get to school (no bus). But if I were going to get her a car and take mine back - I would get a her a new one only b/c there is no question about its dependability and near future "costs" of repairs, and I would stress this better last beyond college!!!


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I wouldn't buy the car and the reason has nothing to do with your sister or you. Most teenagers mess up the first car they drive pretty good. I'd much rather see a teenager male or female driving a big solid cheap vehicle than driving something nice. But her a 4000 dollar car and put the rest in a mutual fund for her. That way when she wrecks the car she'll have some money to buy a new one.

Let's take a poll. *How many people here wrecked a vehicle within the first 3 years of driving?* I wrecked two before I was 18.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

kevinshorses said:


> I wouldn't buy the car and the reason has nothing to do with your sister or you. Most teenagers mess up the first car they drive pretty good. I'd much rather see a teenager male or female driving a big solid cheap vehicle than driving something nice. But her a 4000 dollar car and put the rest in a mutual fund for her. That way when she wrecks the car she'll have some money to buy a new one.
> 
> Let's take a poll. *How many people here wrecked a vehicle within the first 3 years of driving?* I wrecked two before I was 18.


Wow, you must be a terrible driver!.:rofl:

I have never wrecked a car, unlike _some_ people, I am an excellent driver.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

oops double post


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I was and still am a barely capable driver. In my defense one of those accidents wasn't my fault but had I been more experienced it wouldn't have happened. How many years have you been driving Missy May?


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

kevinshorses said:


> oops double post


Well, I think boys are just worse drivers, so its inherent. I was promised a new car if I got my license...It didn't change the fact I didn't want to drive. I had a horse, who needs a car!!! I was basically forced to get it at 17.5 yrs - and given a new red mustang. No accidents, all that "horsepower" was lost on me. I still do not enjoy driving - but my daughter does, and she often points out that my 1st car was a sporty car (i.e., hers should be, too).....but _I _would _*never*_ hand a kid a sports car!!!! I think the OP is being responsible with the "safe and dependable" angle.


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## equiniphile (Aug 16, 2009)

I've only read the first few posts, so bear with me if I repeat anything.

I would have her put 1k or so towards the car. I would also look into Toyota; their cars hold up very well and maintain their value.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

kevinshorses said:


> I wouldn't buy the car and the reason has nothing to do with your sister or you. Most teenagers mess up the first car they drive pretty good. I'd much rather see a teenager male or female driving a big solid cheap vehicle than driving something nice. But her a 4000 dollar car and put the rest in a mutual fund for her. That way when she wrecks the car she'll have some money to buy a new one.
> 
> Let's take a poll. *How many people here wrecked a vehicle within the first 3 years of driving?* I wrecked two before I was 18.


Good Grief Kevin! Two before 18! I'm over (well over) 50 and still haven't been in an accident. 

My son however, wrecked the car we bought him two weeks after receiving it. He spent the money he earned that summer repairing it.

My daughter has never had an accident, and we never bought her a vehicle. She had one available for her use, but it was not HERS.

OP, your sister sounds very responsible. If you can afford to buy a good used car for her and you want to, by all means do so. Sounds like you've already discussed the rules and expectations with her. It's very important to be clear about everything prior to anything happening. Saves a lot of possible misunderstandings in the future.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

i want to stick with an american made car because i can work on those a lot better. the cts is big and has a lot of room under the hood with the v6, since they make the same car with a v8. the little foreign cars are such a pain to work on. plus the parts for the v6 cts will be fairly cheap.

i'll have full coverage insurance so if she wrecks it, then her next car will be limited to what insurance gives her for the car. this is what she learned to drive. shes been driving it for a year now and she has no problem handling it. not saying she still wont have a higher chance of getting in an accident. i know things are different when theres distractions of friends in the car and things like that. im glad to get some advice against it too, lots of really good points here. i cant tell you all how much i appreciate it


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

Love your truck!

You are doing the right thing, sounds like she's been given all the info and will be able to handle car ownership.

A few tips... No friends in the car. #1 cause of accidents. No cell phone use in the car PERIOD. Have her turn the ringer off and stick it in her purse. #2 cause of accidents. No driving while tired. That's worse than driving intoxicated. I'd also check the gov and set it at 65. No reason to go faster at that age. Also keep a close eye on the tires, which I'm sure you will. I'd also spring for some good all weather ones that are known for doing well in rain, make sure she has some experience with hydroplaning. 

My parents bought me an old VW cabriolet when I was 15, taught me to drive it for a year and I did fine. I had to pay for insurance and get excellent grades because that lowered the cost. To this day I have never caused an accident, knock on wood! I'm sure she'll do fine, way to go big bro!!


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## CLaPorte432 (Jan 3, 2012)

Buy her a truck. ;-) My first vehicle was a full sized GMC Sierra. My dad customized it for it. Everyone at my school my jealous, included the guys. Here I was, 5'2" and 105 pounds in a pick-up. I got out of class once and there was a stack of phonebooks on my seat because people picked on me cause I "couldn't see over the steering wheel" LoL. Funny...

In all seriousness though. What an amazing brother you are! To shoulder that type of responsibility at such a young age is very difficult for anyone to do. 

It sounds like you know a lot about cars/trucks, so go with what your gut is telling you. It's better to have piece of mind, rather then a cheap car. 

And no, you aren't crazy for wanting her to have a reliable vehicle.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

I agree w Flygap....except - set the gov? I didn't know you could do this, but I wouldn't. Ahhhh! Some times you need that extra speed to be safe. Thats what I always tell the officer, anyway.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

FlyGap said:


> Love your truck!
> 
> You are doing the right thing, sounds like she's been given all the info and will be able to handle car ownership.
> 
> ...


great advise! thank you. im also not going to let her drive at night for a while. i have no problem taking her and picking her up. i never thought about the govenor, thats a good idea. i have tuning software on my computer from tuning my firebird, so i can do that no problem. thanks!




CLaPorte432 said:


> Buy her a truck. ;-) My first vehicle was a full sized GMC Sierra. My dad customized it for it. Everyone at my school my jealous, included the guys. Here I was, 5'2" and 105 pounds in a pick-up. I got out of class once and there was a stack of phonebooks on my seat because people picked on me cause I "couldn't see over the steering wheel" LoL. Funny...
> 
> In all seriousness though. What an amazing brother you are! To shoulder that type of responsibility at such a young age is very difficult for anyone to do.
> 
> ...


haha yea i would have liked for her to have a truck too! the car will be nice tho and she can always drive my truck if she wants. thank you


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

Missy May said:


> I agree w Flygap....except - set the gov? I didn't know you could do this, but I wouldn't. Ahhhh! Some times you need that extra speed to be safe. Thats what I always tell the officer, anyway.


yea you can set it to where it wont go over a certain speed. the car will still have all the power it did before, just wont go over whatever speed you set. she wont need to go over 65-70. at that speed, accelerating to avoid somethin wont really be an option with a car like these. a v6 in a heavy car will not gain any speed over 65 fast enough to avoid anything anyway.

its amazing what you can do with tuning a car. i got a tuning software program for my computer, so i can plug my laptop into the port below the dash on the driver side. i got it to tune my firebird, and ended up tuning several hot rods around here


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

thank you all for the advise and kind words too. i try really hard to make sure she's taken care of and brought up with good values. other than not bein home as much as i wanted to there for a while when i was working so late, i've done ok filling the "dad" role. but i wish she had a mother


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

Sounds like you are doing an EXCELLENT job!
My BIL is raising his son alone, not quite the same but I see how hard it is to play mom and dad and get things done right. There are quite a few EXCELLENT moms on here and we'll help you out any time you need it!


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

ls6firebird said:


> yea you can set it to where it wont go over a certain speed. the car will still have all the power it did before, just wont go over whatever speed you set. she wont need to go over 65-70. at that speed, accelerating to avoid somethin wont really be an option with a car like these. a v6 in a heavy car will not gain any speed over 65 fast enough to avoid anything anyway.
> 
> its amazing what you can do with tuning a car. i got a tuning software program for my computer, so i can plug my laptop into the port below the dash on the driver side. i got it to tune my firebird, and ended up tuning several hot rods around here


That is interesting to know. I still say no gov for me, though! Besides, 75 is the speed limit (here, anyway), someone might run ya over!  

I can just invision me doing this...peck peck on the old laptop, and then.... everything including the seats would start smoking or something!


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

FlyGap said:


> Sounds like you are doing an EXCELLENT job!
> My BIL is raising his son alone, not quite the same but I see how hard it is to play mom and dad and get things done right. There are quite a few EXCELLENT moms on here and we'll help you out any time you need it!


thank you. i can tell just from this thread that theres some great parents here. im 24, so most people in my age group dont have kids, and the ones that do, havent reached this stage. so its easy for everyone i talk to to just point out what they disagree with, but they cant give a constructive answer when i ask how they would do it. 

i shattered my toot and ankle at work a few years ago. i had 5 surgeries, but the doc couldnt fix it. i had my leg amputated below the knee a little over two weeks ago. over the last few years, so many people have told me i have no business raising a child. as hard as that is to hear, it has been motivation for me to do what i need to do. i know that has put a lot more on her that someone her age should have, so that makes a lot of the judgement hard to hear. at the same time, i have to realize that some of taht is people looking out for her too, so i appreciate that part of it


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

Missy May said:


> That is interesting to know. I still say no gov for me, though! Besides, 75 is the speed limit (here, anyway), someone might run ya over!
> 
> I can just invision me doing this...peck peck on the old laptop, and then.... everything including the seats would start smoking or something!


lol things move fairly slow here.

haha nice!


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

just in case anyone is concerned, i have an uncle who we are close with that keeps an eye on everything making sure the living situation isn't having a negative impact on my sister in any way


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I think you're doing a great thing.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

kevinshorses said:


> I think you're doing a great thing.


thank you!


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## Hickory67 (Feb 18, 2012)

Respects to you for taking such good care of your sis - she's lucky to have a brother like you. Our oldest son (14) has incredible values similar to what yours appear to be - he helps us take care of his younger siblings, who are both autistic. A very caring and remarkable person - and a good man at a young age.

You seem to have thought it through, so I'd say trust your judgment and do what you think is best for her.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

Hickory67 said:


> Respects to you for taking such good care of your sis - she's lucky to have a brother like you. Our oldest son (14) has incredible values similar to what yours appear to be - he helps us take care of his younger siblings, who are both autistic. A very caring and remarkable person - and a good man at a young age.
> 
> You seem to have thought it through, so I'd say trust your judgment and do what you think is best for her.


thanks! your son sounds like a great kid. sometimes its amazing what kids can do on their own when they arent forced.


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