# Lost my nerve to ride



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Well, I just think people don't give enough credence to the fact that as you age, you become more fearful of falling , or injury, since it can happen so much more easily. it's not abmnormal to be more fearful at 60 than you might have been 10 years ago.

however, when I am feeling hesitant, if I ride out with someone else who is more fearful than myeself, it helps me to summon up my bravery to help them.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

If you're having anxiety attacks, have you told your doctor about them? Changes in your life should not just happen like a light switch flip. Any sudden changes need to be looked into. Just like horses you could be deficient in something, more stress than usual, who knows but you need to take care of yourself too.


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## Joel Reiter (Feb 9, 2015)

I highly recommend that you get someone you trust to just lead you down the trail while you sit on your horse. Not ponying from another horse, but walking. Keep that up until the anxiety passes. Your horse will take its cue from the person on the lead line and not be worried about you, so you get out of that hysteria loop. It's fun, it's safe, it's relaxing, and it keeps you and the horse together until this goes away. 

Now if even that is too terrifying, we can proceed to some more serious measures, but you are certainly not alone. Don't worry about what anybody thinks.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

I lost my nerve twice in my career. 

Once, three years ago, and another time in my late teens.

It is part of my work, though, so both times I forged on. My anxiety happened prior to mounting, though. Once up, I was fairly good.

You've gotten good suggestions. I can only add; perhaps taking a lesson (or 10) on your horse. We can get, um... casual about our form and such, and an objective opinion may spot something that would make you insecure. 

I took polo lessons three years ago. My form in a specific area had become so sloppy the coach made me do three lunge line lessons in a row with a few follow up lunge line lessons. I've been riding professionally for 42 years! Well, 39 at the time of getting a coach. 

Did I care what others thought? Not a wit.


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## gigem88 (May 10, 2011)

All good suggestions! I had a bad fall a few years ago that got me 30 stitches in my arm. It was hard getting back in the saddle, but lessons from a trusted friend has helped me get my confidence back. I still have to squash down my imagination at times.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Instead of focusing on all the "what ifs", think instead of what your skills would enable you to do. It is so easy for that little negative voice in your head to spoil things but don't let it. You are a skillful rider, not a beginner. Keep telling yourself that and don't forget to breathe, 3 deep breaths will help you relax and the horse. Horses are very attuned to our breathing. Quick shallow breaths mean something's up so the horse prepares for flight (predator). Low voice humming on the exhale can help calm a horse as it relaxes your body.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

Spend some time on the ground "playing" with your horse. You have developed a lack of trust that she will take care of you, and many us understand bc, like me, after 30 years of horse ownership/training, I've had my falls, and a broken arm (2004.)
I have literally NO trust in a horse that I don't know, and won't get on. My two geldings are nowhere near as finished as my old herd was, but they have shown me time and time again that they are careful around me on the ground. 
Any safe horse will not have ANY problem displaying their good training and will be very patient with you.
Start with perfect leading, out of the stall, as if you were retraining her. She must put her head over the stall gate and wait to be haltered, OR, if your stall slides over, she must drop her head down and to the side to be haltered. Then, back up two steps, halt, walk forward like a dog heeling, and then take her for a walk. DON'T let her grab the halter and drop down to graze. Make her wait for your cue. It won't take very many tries to train this. This training is NOT harsh and will give you confidence that you do, indeed, have control over her! =D
Here are a few sites and You Tubes that may have some usable suggestions, as well.
https://horseandriderbooks.wordpres...res-top-ten-ways-to-have-fun-with-your-horse/
Horse Play With A Horse - Just Who Exactly Is Having Fun Here?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxQWEsUN2i4
What are some games you play with your horse? | My Horse Forum


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## hollysjubilee (Nov 2, 2012)

Saddlebag said:


> Instead of focusing on all the "what ifs", think instead of what your skills would enable you to do. It is so easy for that little negative voice in your head to spoil things but don't let it. You are a skillful rider, not a beginner. Keep telling yourself that and don't forget to breathe, 3 deep breaths will help you relax and the horse. Horses are very attuned to our breathing. Quick shallow breaths mean something's up so the horse prepares for flight (predator). Low voice humming on the exhale can help calm a horse as it relaxes your body.


Actually, *singing while being afraid, really does help*, especially when we're singing a song about courage or safety or something peaceful and strong.

For many years, as a teen and young adult, I memorized Bible Scriptures and Scripture songs . . . and now that I'm "old" I find that a particular song will come to mind, and I'll be singing it, only to realize that the words are directly applicable to whatever problem/fear I'm feeling. *When we put encouraging things in our memories, our subconscious will bring them back to us when we need them.*

Getting control of your mind, will enable you to focus on what is good and not on the "what ifs" that sneak in to steal your peace. *We have to practice keeping control of our thoughts.* It's work. *We can let them float willy-nilly and find them exploring dark things, or we can rein them in, just as we do with a wayward horse, and set them to work in the direction we want to go.*

One thing that helped me when I was in a very dark and fearful time of my life: I *wrote out quotes of courage and hope, and taped them on my cupboards in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on my bedroom mirror . . . and I would read them aloud whenever I saw them.* Reading aloud helps solidify ideas in our minds as we are seeing AND hearing, as well as practicing the speech. Another thing that helps is making sure we are *using the correct vocabulary. * (No "I can't" but "I won't." No "I should" but "I could." No "I hope" but "I know." No "It's a problem," but "It's an opportunity.")

Made a world of difference to me, and I think it's something I should do, again, as I've felt rather aimless these past couple of years and have no horse-loving friends close by with whom to fellowship, and I am loosing confidence instead of growing in the direction I know I want to grow . . . and that gives me an idea:

*Write down what you want your life with horses and your riding to look like a year from now . . . set a goal and write it down . . . Your focus will change from fearful to purposeful.*

Check out Susan Jeffers' FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY book . . . Much that is good in there. (www.susanjeffers.com)

--The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
--The only way to get over the fear of doing something is to go out and . . . DO IT!
--Everyone experiences fear in unfamiliar territory. (not really your issue, though)
--Pushing through the fear is less frightening than living with the fear of feeling helpless.

I know there are clinicians like Chris Cox and Brandy Lyons who give clinics for women who have lost confidence, and that might be something for you to consider, as well.

Fear is a tormenting emotion, and it steals the joy and life from us. None of us wants to live in fear, but going through it, we do learn how to be compassionate of others who are experiencing it.

Chin up! Eyes forward! Don't look at your horse (or yourself) but look where you want your horse's feet to go


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## ChitChatChet (Sep 9, 2013)

Singing, jokes are helpful.

I helped with a bunch of novice girls many of whom where scared. We sand and told jokes to keep their mind of their fears and to ease the horses. Really helps.


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

DazyMom120 said:


> Hello members I am in quite a confused state of mind - I have lost my nerve to ride . when I am riding I experience anxiety attacks and just out and out fear. My horse is a treasure. She has never bucked , reared or bolted with me. My anxiety transfers to her so she becomes nervous also. I used to ride with skill but now I am worse than a beginner. I trail ride and also ride in the arena. Trail riding really is tough for me. My horse is a gem to trail ride and everyone swears she is the easiest ride at the barn. what has happened?? I am 60 yr old and have owned my girl for 7 years. I just don't understand this instant change in me. Any ideas ?? :cowboy:[/QUOTE
> 
> I unfortunately can relate a bit to your situation and I am 60 as well. My lessons were going well (trot variations, canter, small jumps) and my instructor said we would try higher jumps the next week. I was elated. Well the next week I came down with a bad case of pneumonia and it sapped me of my strength. The doctor said to give it at least a month before I continued riding and I foolishly went back in two and felt miserable. I was just doing stirrup-less seating trots when I fell on my back and bruised the tissue around my liver. Pretty stupid. That set me back another two weeks and I have taken lessons the past two weeks with poor results. I'm not afraid of falling (I've become proficient at it), but my confidence is shot as I also feel and look like a beginner. I'm frustrated and a bit embarrassed. Each week my progress is a real crap shoot.
> 
> ...


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## Saranda (Apr 14, 2011)

I am young, but I lost my nerve somewhere at the beginning of this year, when my 100% bombproof, well trained, miraculous, wonderful gelding spooked horribly at a freight train and bolted with me for a couple of miles over icy, hilly terrain, jumping ditches and taking sharp turns. I survived to tell the tale, but not long after that I found myself terribly nervous in the trails and he mirrored that, bucking, taking off - you name it! Horribly stressful.

So I just walked him in hand through those trails. We walked and walked, and I started tacking him up, as if I was going to ride him. If I felt like it, I found a log and hopped on for a short while, then dismounted. Step by step...we now recently rode the very same trail he spooked on because of the train. No issues now. 

If I were you, I'd really either get somebody to lead me on horseback (what a GREAT idea!), either go on walks in-hand with a tacked-up horse in case you'd feel that mounting for a couple of mins isn't such a bad idea at all.

And remember - you don't HAVE to ride. No pressure at all. Take as long as you need, relax, breathe. I repeat - you don't HAVE to ride. But let yourself try and give yourself small, happy and pleasant challenges. Don't feel like riding? That's fine! But, if you feel like you just might get on and off right after that - try it! Might be the first step to regain your confidence.


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## gratifite (Jul 8, 2010)

I, too, am a HUGE proponent of singing! It really doesn't matter what you sing as long as you are doing it (ABC's, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, How Great Thou Art, Happy Birthday, etc) ... it forces you to breath deeply will helps keep the body relaxed.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

I have anxiety issues as well. I wanted to chime in that not only does singing help (like everyone else wonderfully suggested) but I take it a step further and carry my MP3 player with me so I always have music to keep my mind occupied. Luckily the MP3 player has a speaker (a lot of them don't nowadays) so it doesn't keep me from hearing something important, like a car coming up behind us. But it gives me music and I find that if the song is bold and has a good beat, it gives me confidence.

I know personally, my mind is always thinking of what could go wrong. But the music helps me think of other things and keeps me positive. So you might try that. 

Also, I sometimes tell myself (or my horse if he's acting worried about something scary) that we are having FUN. I will tell him, come on, we are having fun! And that actually seems to give the horse confidence as well.


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## floridahorsedoc (May 8, 2015)

I'm new to this forum ,but will tell you a funny story that may help you feel better, and get you back up into the saddle without fear. 
I ride a Paso Fino mare, that I've had for years at least three times a week. On vacation a month ago I went on a four hour trail ride with my son and his girfriend. I was having trouble at the trot and realized it was from not trotting on a horse for years. When I got home I decided to take a lesson at a dressage barn so I could practice trotting. The teacher brought out a 17 hand Warmblood and proceeded to use a Martingale so she wouldn't toss her head. I got on and for the first time in my life had a full blown panic attack. 
Fortunately, the teacher insisted I stay on the horse, and walked with me the entire hour. The panic subsided and I was back to normal the next lesson
I agree with the comment that you should just walk on the horse with someone leading her. The fear will pass with time.


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