# Getting back on the horse...and back on.....and back on.......



## rocky pony (Oct 5, 2007)

I thought I'd finally get around to making a journal, because sometimes I just want to talk about things and I don't know where to start.

So, I'm 23, I've been riding my whole life and have had horses for many years. My first horse that was really mine was Rocky, a 13.3hh RMH gelding. I got him as a bratty, immature little stinker that needed lots of work and managed to really put a shine on the little runt. We did just about everything together, he was a natural on the trails, and I felt fearless with him, I'd do just about anything with him and I was out at the barn every day riding him. He could still be a real pain when he wasn't in the mood, but nothing he did ever made me nervous. I sold him back to my friend I bought him from, because he had a bad back and I had grown to a point where I felt that he shouldn't have to pack me around every day anymore.

I really wanted to learn some low level dressage, so after I sold Rocky I picked up a 16.1hh TB gelding named Kainne with plans to start doing lessons, but my body had another plan for me. Around this time, I sustained a really bad back injury that took me out of the saddle, out of school, and out of life in general, for about 6 months. Then, shortly after I finally recovered, I seriously hurt a different part of my back during a fall off of Kainne. While I came out of the first injury feeling hopeful and ready to work and move forward, the second injury really knocked the wind out of me. I lost a lot of my boldness with Kainne and no longer felt motivated to work with him. It didn't help that he was pretty hot blooded and pretty dang spooky. So I stopped riding him, and finally I decided I should sell him and get a nice calm trail horse to work with again.

Again, life had another plan for me. I had sold Kainne to another good friend of mine, and around the same time she had obtained for free an absolutely stunning haflinger x arab mare named Merry whom I instantly fell in love with. She was wild as hell and needed a ton of work, but she had the kind of energy that didn't make me nervous and I felt that I could handle her challenge better than Kainne's. So I worked with her a bit and felt back to the same boldness I used to feel with Rocky, and we had a lot of fun. I was back riding all the time and she was coming along to be a fantastic horse. But then I had some life changes and I went to school. I stopped having as much time to go out to the barn, and so she started regressing, and eventually my confidence started regressing too. I eventually moved away for school and had to sell her back to my friend for financial reasons, but am still able to go and visit her anytime I'm in town (which I am every weekend, visiting my parents). Now I'm still moved away but not in school, working full time, and still can't afford to buy her back yet, but I try to get out to the barn when I can. I'm going to be moving out of state along with my parents and getting some property, and I plan to bring Merry with me. In the meantime, I try to get to the barn whenever I can motivate myself.

Lately I've been having trouble feeling confident and motivated. The last time I took her for a ride (about a month ago, and it had been about 2 months before then) she was very sour and crow hopping and being a real pain and it made me feel really unmotivated instead of my normal excitement to work through a problem. I know I'm out of shape and out of practice, and my work has me feeling weary, but since I'm working at a horse supply company (Riding Warehouse, an online store) I feel even more frustrated about my issues working through things with my mare. I know that I could do it, but I keep hitting a wall. I can't afford a trainer, I just want to feel comfortable loping her around again, doing casual stuff, and getting through her hissy fits without getting too bothered. But currently I don't, and I'm anxious about it. Horses are my life and my passion, and it feels really bizarre to me to feel uncomfortable in the saddle. I hope to work through it. And that's all what I'm gonna start off with.


If the weather permits I'm hoping to make it out to the barn this weekend. Let's hope I do!


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## JulieG (Jun 25, 2013)

Interesting story!

I think that you'll find you're not alone in your feelings.

I look forward to hearing how it all works out for you!


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## whisperbaby22 (Jan 25, 2013)

Me too.


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## rocky pony (Oct 5, 2007)

Well, a lot has changed since I last updated. I've been struggling with a back injury for about 5 months, having trouble finding answers. Haven't been able to ride at all because of that.

And I had to part with my mare for good. My friend who has been caring for her for me had been planning on giving her back to me when I was able to take her, but recently expressed interest in having her back as hers, and I'm in no position to argue, so I agreed. It makes me very sad, but I'm glad she is in good hands and I'm sure I will find another horse, maybe one that's calmer since my confidence has been so poor. I will be moving to property in 1-2 years and hopefully will be able to get a new horse ASAP once that happens. Until then, I guess I'm out of the saddle for a lot longer than I anticipated. I guess I probably won't have any reason to update my journal again until then.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Sorry you're struggling with so many issues at once. I hope you're getting excellent treatment for your back. I've also had on and off back problems that have sometimes kept me from riding so I understand your frustration. 

I also want to say that I understand how hard it is to get your confidence back after a fall and how it can remove all motivation to work with a horse. Don't beat yourself up over it. It sounds like you're staying positive that you will eventually get another horse, but I just wanted to say that there are also a lot of things you can do without riding. When my newly acquired spooky mare threw me twice, I got very stressed about riding her. Sometimes I still have that moment of anxiety when I put my foot in the stirrup to mount, but I work through it. But there were times when she was being completely nuts and spooking at everything and I just did groundwork. Desensitizing, lunging, even taking her on a trail on foot (this was after I'd saddled her and planned to ride her only to realize it was a bad idea that day). I'm pretty sure my husband thought I was insane walking my saddled horse down the trail, but it worked. We got more confident and learned to trust each other. 

My point is, you don't have to be able to ride to be able to enjoy horses. Give yourself a break if you need to. And a good, calm horse is worth its weight in gold.


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## Kay Armstrong (Jun 28, 2015)

Are there any barns, or therapy businesses around where you live that you could volunteer for? It would be a great way to keep your foot in the door...maybe you could work at a barn in exchange for a lesson....maybe a rescue facility?


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

Sorry to hear you're going through that.  Don't be so hard on yourself, you will gain your confidence back in no time. It takes time.
I agree, you don't have to be IN the saddle to enjoy horses. Sometimes I even I find myself happiest when I'm just spending time with them or just grooming. Maybe go to a facility and see if you can help with grooming or something? This way you can at least be around the horses, then before you know it you'll be back in the saddle in 1-2 years!


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

*This journal has been closed due to prolonged lack of participation by the author. Journals that have no active participation by the author for a period of time greater than 18 months will be considered abandoned and will be closed until the author asks for them to be reopened.*


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