# Help! Tweens and Children Trainers!



## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

You may recall from another posting that I have leased a pony (Haflinger) for my soon-to-be stepdaughter. 

Yesterday was the first day since the lease started where she has been able to go with me to the barn for the purposes of riding.

So, essentially, she had her first riding lesson.

Before I go on, let me explain a HUGE _constraint_ between the child/horse.

We only have "C" every Wednesday night and every other weekend. Her Wednesday night card is completely full with her 1st Communion classes. That leaves only Saturday/Sunday for the horse, and ONLY if there are not other family obligations.

So, I can't take her to a professional trainer who specializes in children. There is a woman not so far away, but I can't make the scheduling commitment. Even if this woman would do a "when its convenient" schedule for me, if I take C to a riding lesson, she can't also see the lease pony. 

That leaves me to try and impart what I can to her. And, why I am writing this request for recommendations.

So, back to my original point. 

Up until yesterday, C's experience in the saddle has been reinless. She has sat in the saddle and held onto the saddle horn or has placed her hands on her thighs.

Her riding style would best be described as "passive." Slumped in the saddle as the horse is haltered led along.

Yesterday, I haltered and bridled the pony. While C was sitting on the horse, I positioned her hands on the reins (two-reins tied together), positioned her arms in the right area, showed her the difference between slack and tight reins, poked her in the appropriate spots to engage her torso.

We spent a few minutes discussing the appropriate way to halt and make turns (pony does not neck rein).

I told her to tap the pony with her heels and click and then I stepped forward (hence so did the pony).

I'm walking around the ring and I look back and OMG!!! :shock:

She has the reins back behind the horn, her hands laying limply against the cantle on the saddle, looking at the ceiling.

So I stop. And I explain gently about the arms, hands, posture. 

Proceed forward. Look back. She is DOING IT AGAIN!! this time I remind her.

Long story short (omgoodness, too late I know) she is still looking at things outside the ring. Hands and arms are limp noodles. I tried to coax, remind, and coach for another 10 minutes. As soon as I looked at where I was going, if I looked back at her she was tuned out. She was looking behind her at one point.

So I did the comin' to bejeezus talk about safety. I had the pony do some ground turns (away from me) so C could feel the horse moving in a direction other than forward. I tried to explain how to sit "actively" and be engaged in the saddle. I had her answer questions like what would happen if the pony tripped and you were looking elsewhere? what would you do if the pony shook its head and the reins fell out of your hands?

She could answer each of the questions. She can imagine the consequences would be falling off. Getting hurt. But she had the attention span of a gnat. I came clean with my bareback riding accident and the limp in my leg and how bad it hurt, because I didn't pay attention.

And, because I wasn't getting through to her I was stern.  And of course, she cried, because she is 8 and can't stand to have anyone be critical of her. 

After a few tears I convinced her to wipe her eyes or get off the horse. She couldn't do both. Her choice but she couldn't ride and cry because when you are crying you upset the horse but also you are not paying attention to what you are doing.

So, she wiped her eyes, sucked it up, and we carried forward. I was actually able to drape the lead over the pony's neck and C guided her. She positioned the pony so I wasn't crowded against the wall or stepped on (yea!) and was able to start and stop. 

Then came the next set of issues. To turn the horse she jerked hard on the appropriate rein and to stop pulled back and kept pulling back after the pony had stopped (which caused its own issues). So we discussed these techniques.

After another 10 minutes I had to stop (my ankle was killing me from walking around the arena for 40 minutes) so I called it a day.


Thank you for reading all the way through!

For the record I did praise her for any improvements over the passive inactive riding style. If her arms were out and engaged and hands actually had the reins firmly, I praised her. I didn't critique her heels or back (that will come). I praised her lots. 

So, here is the million dollar question.

How do you train "active" riding rather than passive sitting in the saddle? How do you explain the ability to be soft on the horse but firm? Am I moving her too fast?

On Friday and Sunday she also worked with the horse on ground control. Backing by the halter, repositioning the pony around her. Leading. 

Can you recommend a book I can read to help me understand how to break it down to an 8 yr old?

I am disappointed; I gave her books written for junior riders (in young reader's tone) and she doesn't have any interest in reading them. I asked her to practice sitting on a chair to mimic a horse's back and she hasn't done that.

Tweens/Teens: What do you remember about learning to ride? what worked, what did not?

is she just too young?


{oops, timer for the cookies has gone off. brb}


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

You may have been moving too fast. I used to work at a therapeutic riding center for kids and adults. When I worked with the little ones, at the beginning most of the time they were on a lead and they were just feeling the movement. Then we'd start "steering" and the kid would still be on lead but they'd actively participate in turning the horse. Then we'd make an "obstacle course" and they'd steer around it.

Then they'd come off lead but we'd still be right by the horse and they'd steer and the horse would listen but follow us. Then once they could do that, we started to step further away and let them steer. This was walk only.

When it was time to trot, they went back on lead, and they had a "side walker" which would help them keep in the saddle. We'd only do a few steps of trot, and then we'd trot the other direction a few steps. Over time we'd have the side walkers move away as soon as the child felt safe. And then we'd practice steering at the trot. Once they got that down, we'd take the leadrope off and we'd help them trot. Once they could trot, and steer, then we'd start letting them do most of the work themselves, we'd only supervise or be designated course makers or if they needed help (the horse wasn't listening) then we'd step in. 

We moved very very slowly, we only did what they were comfortable with and then peaked a little over their comfort zone at times. Sometimes we moved faster if they were capable. When it was time to canter, they could steer and trot on their own so all we had them do was circle us and we helped them pick up the canter.


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

Are you sure she even has an interest in riding or do you just want her to? Leasing a pony for her may have been a little ahead of schedule. 

My sons never showed an interest in horses even though I bought them pony after pony. The were good riders but could care less. I finally gave up on trying to give them the experiences I would have killed for when I was their age. It was their choice and I had to respect it.


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## jumanji321 (Dec 1, 2010)

I was younger than her when I learned to ride. I learned really fast because I enjoyed what I was doing and wanted to do it. Maybe she needs more time to get used to the pony and really get in to riding.


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

Two questions: 

-Has she had any experience with horses before? 

-Is this something SHE has expressed interest in?

If she doesn't have any experience you probably moved too fast for her. If she hasn't expressed interest, then she probably isn't really interested.

If she's interested I would take it down a notch. Continue to work on the groundwork and leadline stuff, but when she's on a lead work on her body position. Give her "games" to do in the saddle. I have my nieces raise their arms up, out to the side, behind, etc. Use imagery to get her to sit up straight, I tell my nieces to imagine someone is pulling a string through their body up through their head. 

Once she is more confident and comfortable move to lunging so you can get a better idea of her position. Use the same kind of games to work on her stability in the saddle. Teach her that her hands are NOT for holding on. You can also speed up a little to trot for some fun. 

If she does well with that, THEN move to self directed movement. Don't walk around in front of her, it's impossible to see what she's doing and correct her quickly. Set up a cone, tell her to walk to cone, halt, walk around cone, halt, and walk back to you. You need to break it up into manageable pieces and give her real tasks to do.

Last of all. Make it fun! Jump on the horse with her and ride around a little bit, go a little faster and do some fun things with her. Spend 20 minutes putting ribbons in the ponies mane or glitter on her hooves. She's 8 and has a pony, make it a fun thing for her, not all work. Good luck!


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

Skyseternalangel said:


> You may have been moving too fast. I used to work at a therapeutic riding center for kids and adults. When I worked with the little ones, at the beginning most of the time they were on a lead and they were just feeling the movement. Then we'd start "steering" and the kid would still be on lead but they'd actively participate in turning the horse. Then we'd make an "obstacle course" and they'd steer around it.
> 
> Then they'd come off lead but we'd still be right by the horse and they'd steer and the horse would listen but follow us. Then once they could do that, we started to step further away and let them steer. This was walk only.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the well thought out answer.

While the child is in the saddle, no reins, and under halter, how do you keep the child actively participating in the saddle? I added the reins because she is comfortable in saddle at the walk.

Almost too comfortable since her attention is wandering to things other than being in the saddle.

I have no problem moving her back to reinless, but I worry that she will develop such bad habits, such as sitting limply in the saddle and gripping the horn doesn't do anything for balance.

Do you have any additional thoughts to help me?


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## gigem88 (May 10, 2011)

I'm with iridehorses, are you sure she even wants to ride? From what you described, it sounds like she doesn't. When I thought my 10 yr old son wanted to learn to ride, I got a trainer (I'm NOT a good teacher in any regards!). But alas, he'd rather just go to the shows and hang out with the girls!! So now his trainer works with me!!


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## TKButtermilk (May 20, 2010)

This doesn't sound like a kid who has any interest in riding, honestly. I have never seen a kid who didn't have a disability essentially "zone out" around a horse, let alone on one. I think you are trying to push your hobby on her (out of love obviously) but you need to know when to call it quits and find something you both have in common. If you keep pushing it you'll drive yourselves apart. Maybe as she gets older she will come into loving horses but it isn't for everyone. My sister is a perfect example. She likes horses, but doesn't have the passion for them me and my mother do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

iridehorses said:


> Are you sure she even has an interest in riding or do you just want her to? Leasing a pony for her may have been a little ahead of schedule.
> 
> My sons never showed an interest in horses even though I bought them pony after pony. The were good riders but could care less. I finally gave up on trying to give them the experiences I would have killed for when I was their age. It was their choice and I had to respect it.


Good question and who knows? I for one, did not invite this on her. She asked for it. Because I have a horse, and was forced to sometimes bring her to the barn when her dad was working, she met this pony "Peanut." The barn owner at the time was actively trying to find a new owner. When C learned of this, she started asking about horse ownership. The lease was my way of exploring her interest without the burden of pony ownership.

I have another thread in this forum, "Is she a horsey girl" where I worried that she wants the bragging rights of owning a horse but is not willing to put in the hard work.

To her credit, she is grooming the horse and picking up poop in the barn. She finished too fast the other day and there were still particles of hay and dirt. I said to her, "You went too fast, she is not clean" and she went back and did the job again, this time to my satisfaction for an 8 yr old.

To answer your question, I have no idea. She cleans her room, folds her clothes, does all her chores and is waiting on me to go to the barn. But, once we are there she is asking about lunch. She grooms the pony but instead of loving on the pony afterwards she walks away and picks at rocks in the arena or plays with the cat. The barn owner goes to show us a technique and I have to call her over to watch instead of checking out the noise of a truck going down the road.

Having no children of my own, is this normal 8 yr old brain waves? Or is she not truly "into it."

Her household chores is what is keeping me going. She is doing all the work at home we had to argue about in the past without being told. She is going the extra mile at home to get her barn time. Because of that, I will give her the benefit of the doubt for now and keep providing her with the opportunity to be near the horse.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

AQHSam said:


> Thank you for the well thought out answer.
> 
> While the child is in the saddle, no reins, and under halter, how do you keep the child actively participating in the saddle? I added the reins because she is comfortable in saddle at the walk.
> 
> ...


Children respond well when you make things silly and fun. We taught the kids "sassy" where they put their hands on their hips and move side to side. We taught them to reach up and touch the horse's ears, reach back and touch the horse's tail, arms out turning side to side, put hands on your head and stretch up tall, be "loose as a noodle" all of these things, kept our kids engaged and over time they were naturally having an engaged seat. Then we'd teach them how you "look" where you want to go, use your inside leg and rein and over time it became more natural and started to ride the horse.

It's all about connecting the dots and making it really fun. Horse riding is hard, but if you make it fun to do hard work, then they'll have a lot more fun and feel a lot happier about it.

Hope I helped.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

TKButtermilk said:


> This doesn't sound like a kid who has any interest in riding, honestly. I have never seen a kid who didn't have a disability essentially "zone out" around a horse, let alone on one. I think you are trying to push your hobby on her (out of love obviously) but you need to know when to call it quits and find something you both have in common. If you keep pushing it you'll drive yourselves apart. Maybe as she gets older she will come into loving horses but it isn't for everyone. My sister is a perfect example. She likes horses, but doesn't have the passion for them me and my mother do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


hahaha - trust me, this is not a push sort of thing. I would rather have the barn to myself. When she is around I have to maintain the parental responsibility instead of self-indulging myself. 

My own riding suffers on the weekends she is with me. 

I leased the horse because she asked how much it would take to own peanut and offered her $42 to the barn owner to buy the horse (it was cute).

C is not like me and I respect that she is different. When C showed an interest in horse ownership the only way to determine the full extent was to expose her to horses. My horse is way too green for an inexperienced child. The pony solved the problem of getting her near horses.

Thanks for your comments, but I think you misunderstood my posting. This isn't driving us apart. I just need a technique to break down the complexity of horse riding to an 8 yr old who has never engaged with a horse before.


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

She's 8. Enough said. My niece is 7 and loses her attention span quickly. Basically exactly what you've described. Keep the lessons and the work short, quick, and involved. 

As I suggested above if you'd like to keep her interested when she's in the saddle give her things to do with her hands/arms/legs. It'll teach her correct balance and help improve her seat. 

Here's an example of what I do with my niece (who is extremely horsie). Get the horses, groom them (I help), and explain everything. Now we do a little mini test on the parts of a horse's leg. Next we get on. I explain where to put her leg and how to sit. Correct her where needed, praise a TON. Lunge line at a walk. Have her sit correctly and move her arms around, then her legs. Tell her she's incredible. Let her trot on the line a little bit. If she feels up to it does the same exercises as she did at a walk. Then I'll let her "direct" the horse while I'm walking next to it's shoulder. The riding time is about 15-20 minutes. Then we untack and she gets to help feed and give treats. She probably spends an hour MAX with me at the barn.

ETA - I want to add that my energy is really high and positive while we're doing this. I'm laughing and teasing her, she's giggling and being silly, but paying attention. I'm making it fun.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

jumanji321 said:


> I was younger than her when I learned to ride. I learned really fast because I enjoyed what I was doing and wanted to do it. Maybe she needs more time to get used to the pony and really get in to riding.


Thank you. She seems comfortable, but maybe she is not. That is a good perspective. Plus, I am so afraid of her mom going nuts if she gets hurt I have stressed safety when grooming and make C stand away from the pony (a mare with a huge bubble) when other horses are moving through the barn.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

My impression (before I even read everyone else's answers) was that either 

a) she is just not interested or

b) she is so used to being led around that she feels totally safe and bored with being led. 

I can't imagine any concious soul on the back of a horse letting go of the reins and looking around or sitting on their hands when they don't have someone walking next to them controlling the horse (at least not a total beginner).

So my only idea would be if the pony is trustworthy, stand in the center of a small area like a round pen and then she HAS to hold the reins and control the horse.

I kind of think horse people are born. No one in my family had or liked horses. I was just born that way. And I would cry every time my family drove past a horse because I wanted one so bad. I would have peed my pants for riding lessons. I never did get any, but at age 17 finally got my own horse. It was hard because we lived in the city and did not have horse property so we had to board. But ever since I was about 5 years old it was my life's mission to get a horse. I'm not sure if "C" has that.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

MN Tigerstripes said:


> Two questions:
> 
> -Has she had any experience with horses before?
> 
> ...


I just read your post! Thank you!!! 

To specifically address your questions:

1. No. Other than a 5-minute pony ride at a carnival, no experience whatsoever.

2. She asked for this. She tried to negotiate halloween candy and $42 to buy the pony. I _had_ to take her to the barn a few times while dad was working on the weekends or I missed my weekend visit. My idea was to let her help me with my horse. She met this pony and started talking about her own horse. I made it happen but only after she put the idea in my head.

I will take it down a notch this weekend (we have her this weekend also). I will halter only and have her work on arms out balance.

I also love the grooming ideas. It's a mare, so C would enjoy putting some pink ribbons in her mane.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

trailhorserider said:


> My impression (before I even read everyone else's answers) was that either
> 
> a) she is just not interested or
> 
> ...


Everybody keeps talking about me pushing horses onto this little girl so we can bond (more or less). But, what do I do if it is opposite?

C is doing horses to be with me?

Also, this is an overnight thing for her. She heard me talking about buying a horse for 2 years. Then, one weekend she comes to our house and it is, "Hey, guess who bought horse?" For her, it was an overnight ordeal. For me, a lifetime.

But, she asked her dad when would I take HER to the horse. I hadn't planned on it. It was my time, but when he said she asked him if I would, I couldn't say no. (Well, I could, but I'm not THAT cruel and selfish).

Next thing I know she is joining me at the barn almost once each weekend they are with us.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

OP, some kids just like being around horses, not independently riding them. I've seen a lot of those kiddos and they never wanted to progress past a walk (they had trotted before but if left up to them, just trail rides.)


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

Advice to avoid hurting tiny human's feelings: Remember she's just a kid. Think of her like a foal or a puppy. Short attention span, easily confused, and clumsy. You don't want to overload them either. Same concept. 

Maybe she's a horse person at heart, maybe not, it's really hard to tell this soon into it. If she is, she'll thank you years from now for helping her. If she isn't, she'll thank you years from now for caring enough to let her try. As long as you control your temper and keep it fun.


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## Horselover1215 (Jan 23, 2012)

She may not even want to have anything to do with the pony.(although i've never met a little girl who doesn't love ponies! lol) I've been in love with horses since I was six so I was thrilled to get riding once I was 11. My first lessons I took with my younger sister. I was very eager to learn and spent every second I could with the horses. As for my younger sister she didn't like horses once bit. She was a passive rider and really could care less what she was doing. It was as if she were along for the ride just because of me. So eventually she gave it up and i'm still riding strong! I hope this helped a bit! Just don't force her into riding,maybe sit down with her and ask her how she feels about the pony and riding and such.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

Skyseternalangel said:


> OP, some kids just like being around horses, not independently riding them. I've seen a lot of those kiddos and they never wanted to progress past a walk (they had trotted before but if left up to them, just trail rides.)


Wow. Those kids exists? I guess that is the concept behind owning living lawn ornament though.

Not me, I want to canter down a snowy covered mountain... oops. I'm projecting again.

:lol:

I have learned a LOT from this thread. 

1. I have to be more engaging. I am all business. That's what happens when you toss a professional 46 yr old project manager in the room with an 8 yr old. We gantt chart the play date. 

2. I am going to focus on identifying her confidence level. It took her an entire summer of training wheels before she had any confidence with her bike. And the no-training wheels experience the next summer was pretty tense for the first several rides. I think of her having much more confidence than she probably does because she can be so bossy and competitive (if that makes sense). But, push comes to shove she really is not a confident kid when trying new things.

3. I am going to let her be silly with the mare and maybe we will experiment with braiding that beasties' mane.

I will also not forego my riding on Sam. The last few weeks I have been focusing on helping C and the pony, but maybe if she watches me riding at the trot and doing maneuvers she will gain osmosis confidence.

Thanks everyone!!!!


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

I read your other thread and I think it's awesome what you are doing! I too have to give up my time for my own daughter and I do it willingly like you are. PERFECT way to bond.
As for her behavior, it's natural. My kid LOVES her horse but after she fiddles with him a bit she'll be over in the grass trying to catch grasshoppers. So no worries! Would you or I have done that as a kid, NO WAY! But some are just different. I was super professional around horses, some kids kind of wander... 

MN Tigerstripes is 100% right on. It has to be FUN FUN FUN. Lots of giggling, playing, etc. I only focus on what is going to keep my kid on the horse for now. Sometimes I can get carried away with the techinicalities (sp) and mine will loose focus. I'd suggest taking her outside on the lead for walks instead of working in an arena. Let her tell you where she is going and just walk beside. MHF gave me some great tips, one was playing simon says. My daughter LOVES it. If she doesn't know how to do what I say she asks. Really opens up the communication. I would also make mucking out fun and do it with her, see who can scoop the fastest, make a corner the cleanest, then flip some on her and let her do the same, get into a poop fight! Be silly, trust me I have to force myself some of the time but it's worth it!

You are doing great! Awesome future step mom!
If you get stuck you may want to release the lease and/or get her enrolled in horse lessons with other kids around. A group setting may help!


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## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

Just from my own experiance with my own daughter, I've come to the terms of - she doesn't want to listen to a word I say. She wants to get on the pony, and hi ho silver away like she's been doing it all her life. 

I'm starting off basic, how to hold the reins, how to squeeze the legs, how to stop. Shes getting to have a little trot on the lunge and loving it. I'm like a broken record, but I know that for her to come to terms with how things are done properly, and how to do them well, it's going to have to focus on the fun side for a while. 

If my little girl wants to ride, well and good. If she just wants to lead Simba around, so be it. I figure if I push her, she'll go the opposite direction (what else would she do, she is my child afterall). 

My recommendation is to focus on the fun. I find myself getting frustrated when my little girl lets the reins go slack, or isnt paying attention but I have to remind myself if it isn't fun, she won't want to do it.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

AQHSam said:


> Wow. Those kids exists? I guess that is the concept behind owning living lawn ornament though.
> 
> Not me, I want to canter down a snowy covered mountain... oops. I'm projecting again.


Oh yes! Though there was this one girl that loved watching me ride and train my horse, Sky, when I was there. That gave her the confidence to try trotting, not sure where she is at now though. She was very interested in the training, not the riding. Then there are kids who only like the riding and not the horse.. which is sad because the horse ends up exhausted and not taken care of (I've had to discipline these kids for neglecting their camp horse.)

And then there are the ones who just.. love it. They love their horse and riding their horse. 

I'm glad you got the help/advice you needed! Hope to hear updates


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

MN Tigerstripes said:


> Advice to avoid hurting tiny human's feelings: *Remember she's just a kid.* Think of her like a foal or a puppy. Short attention span, easily confused, and clumsy. You don't want to overload them either. Same concept.
> 
> Maybe she's a horse person at heart, maybe not, it's really hard to tell this soon into it. *If she is, she'll thank you years from now for helping her. If she isn't, she'll thank you years from now for caring enough to let her try.* And, bottom line, that is why I agreed to pay for the lease. I had to talk her dad into letting me do it. Because, what IF she is a horse lover? Years from now we could have great fun together. And if she is not, well, that's fine also. There will be other interests.
> 
> As long as you control your temper and keep it fun.


I won't disagree that I struggle with that. This "kid" could out negotiate an FBI hostage negotiator if she put her mind to it.


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

OP, regarding your last post about riding your boy in front of kiddo. That's a really good idea too and I use it often. While I'm doing it, I explain what I'm doing and what I'm looking for from the horse. But I'd see if her dad can come with too and help watch her while your riding. That way he can go back and forth with her depending upon her attention span. You won't get frustrated (it sucks to get interrupted 5 mins into a ride because kiddo is bored) and she won't feel like she isn't welcome. Make it a little family adventure.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

FlyGap said:


> I read your other thread and I think it's awesome what you are doing! I too have to give up my time for my own daughter and I do it willingly like you are. PERFECT way to bond.
> *As for her behavior, it's natural. My kid LOVES her horse but after she fiddles with him a bit she'll be over in the grass trying to catch grasshoppers. So no worries! Would you or I have done that as a kid, NO WAY! But some are just different. I was super professional around horses, some kids kind of wander*...
> 
> MN Tigerstripes is 100% right on. It has to be FUN FUN FUN. Lots of giggling, playing, etc. I only focus on what is going to keep my kid on the horse for now. Sometimes I can get carried away with the techinicalities (sp) and mine will loose focus. I'd suggest taking her outside on the lead for walks instead of working in an arena. Let her tell you where she is going and just walk beside. MHF gave me some great tips, one was playing simon says. My daughter LOVES it. If she doesn't know how to do what I say she asks. Really opens up the communication. I would also make mucking out fun and do it with her, see who can scoop the fastest, make a corner the cleanest, then flip some on her and let her do the same, get into a poop fight! Be silly, trust me I have to force myself some of the time but it's worth it!
> ...


 
THANK YOU!! Your shared experiences really help! I was the kid that was willing to sit in a snow bank in wet jeans and undies for hours waiting for the horse across the pasture to walk up to the fence so I could reach one finger through and touch it.

Hearing that other kids have the same attention span as C does right now really helps me and reinforces that this is a good thing.


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

Yep, that was me too!
My daughter has always had them, when her (my) old horse died she wanted a pony sooooo bad. I got her one after a year of begging thinking it would strengthen her dedication. It did but she hasn't gotten to ride in TWO weeks because every weekend her room is messy and she plays more than cleans. So no rides. *I would have cleaned the whole house to just get close to one!!* 

You are doing a GREAT thing. I'm a perfectionist, super goal oriented, kind of an anal drip sometimes! LOL! Kids really force you to let loose or go INSANE! Just keep it light, the braiding idea is AWESOME. I let E sit on the horses backs and braid/scrub when I give them baths, she loves it! Red light, green light is a good game if you want to work with her on the ground. If you can get her dad to come out later you can play follow the leader and you'll get to ride. I'm in a rush to get my daughter trail ready but she isn't progressing as fast as *I'd* like but I'm patient. They'll get there!


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that your stepdaughter has zero interest in horses.


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## cmarie (Dec 19, 2011)

When my girls very young 8 and 9 I tried to teach them to ride they acted just like your C is. I ended up sending them to a trainer for lessons, the lady did the exact some things I did, but they listened to her because it wasn't me telling them what to do. They would tell me what they learned in the lesson and it was what I told them showed them like 2 weeks ago, I'd tell them they did a great job, they loved the lessons but hated it when I tried to teach them. What helped my girls sit right on the horse and pay attention was putting them on the horse in the round pen bareback with the horse on a lunge line, they had to ride with their hands down by their sides, above their heads, out to the sides. It teaches balance and how to hold on with your thighs. They started in a walk by the time they finished lessons they could handle a bareback lope. The trainer had fun patterns set up also for them to learn once they were well seated in the saddle, she only taught them to direct rein and use leg pressure not neck rein.

Some times kids just get that defiance thing when a parent figure tries to teach things.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

FlyGap said:


> *I would have cleaned the whole house to just get close to one!!*
> 
> You are doing a GREAT thing. I'm a perfectionist, super goal oriented, kind of an anal drip sometimes! LOL! Kids really force you to let loose or go INSANE! Just keep it light, the braiding idea is AWESOME. I let E sit on the horses backs and braid/scrub when I give them baths, she loves it! Red light, green light is a good game if you want to work with her on the ground. If you can get her dad to come out later you can play follow the leader and you'll get to ride. I'm in a rush to get my daughter trail ready but she isn't progressing as fast as *I'd* like but I'm patient. They'll get there!


Haha, I think all horse crazy people would go to the ends of the earth to be around/ride horses :lol: Some people are late bloomers though. 

I agree that you are doing a great thing, but kids need things to be fun. Even things like scooping poop need to be fun. I got the camp kids to race to the piles because they were having fun. We'd hose down the horses and I'd let them spray me too with water during the summer. It was all fun fun fun. Even the ones not keen on riding were willing to help with horse chores (though I never called them that.)

That's the thing, you can't make it about you. (And this is not directed at anyone) I would have loved to have my student cantering and showing but he wasn't ready. We finally got there! But it took a looong time and only when he felt safe and comfortable.

It's great to have patience and support the kiddo no matter where they're at and just not be afraid to be silly yourself


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

To me it doesn't really sound like she is interested in the way you are. 

Horses are fun and cool when you're that age, but having to learn the proper way of doing things is not. Nor is having your soon to be step-parent ordering you around when you just want to have fun. Maybe her interest in horses was a way to show an interest in you. 

Making it fun is a big thing - I fully think the best thing to do would be to get her to do group lessons with other children. She won't just be walking around a ring alone, she'll be laughing with other girls, on a dead safe pony, and playing games, learning to ride without knowing. I love horses and riding but I hate flat lessons where I just ride around - that isn't fun for many people at all! And I have been riding for years. For kids especially, half the fun of riding is doing it with other people. 

I was passionate as an eight year old, but I have always tended towards that way, but her behaviour is showing that while she may be very interested in riding and very interested in horses, the way its going now isn't working for her. As for leading, I started riding as an eight year old and they just put me on a pony - I was never led so I don't think that is a real issue but you cannot expect her to be an active rider for a while - months maybe.

Personally, I would try to give the horse back if possible and send her to a group riding lesson every week. That way she can learn balance and turning etc, in a fun environment with a horse that knows exactly what to do - and she can make friends!


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

FlyGap said:


> Yep, that was me too!
> My daughter has always had them, when her (my) old horse died she wanted a pony sooooo bad. I got her one after a year of begging thinking it would strengthen her dedication. It did but she hasn't gotten to ride in TWO weeks because every weekend her room is messy and she plays more than cleans. So no rides. *I would have cleaned the whole house to just get close to one!!*
> 
> You are doing a GREAT thing. I'm a perfectionist, super goal oriented, kind of an anal drip sometimes! LOL! Kids really force you to let loose or go INSANE! Just keep it light, the braiding idea is AWESOME. I let E sit on the horses backs and braid/scrub when I give them baths, she loves it! Red light, green light is a good game if you want to work with her on the ground. If you can get her dad to come out later you can play follow the leader and you'll get to ride. I'm in a rush to get my daughter trail ready but she isn't progressing as fast as *I'd* like but I'm patient. They'll get there!


So, that is what has amazed me about C yesterday. Her ROOM! She is a hoarder for an 8 yr old. A room so nasty I can't stand to walk in there and a source of much family strife.

I heard her dad tell her yesterday morning that she had to have her room cleaned before she could go to the barn and when I was ready to leave she better be ready.

After listening to her play all morning she came downstairs and asked when we were leaving for the barn. I had just finished washing the kitchen floor and was about ready to gather my things to leave. 

I said let's see what your room looks like, expecting it to be a disaster. I went in there and almost fell down. Even her dresser drawers were shut. Clothes put away. Toys organized. Trash can emptied.

If I had a nickel for every fight we had over dirty socks shoved into her toy chest I would be able to BUY the pony. Not only did she pick her clothes out of the laundry basket of clean clothes, but she folded every body else's clothes and put them in their respected rooms.

For right now, that is my source of her showing me that she's interested in this pony. 

Ahhhh, the power of a pony. Had my mom only known. I may have been a straight A student.


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

Just from that I'd say she's very interested, if you go about it a little bit differently I'll bet you'll see a huge difference in her attitude.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

cmarie said:


> When my girls very young 8 and 9 I tried to teach them to ride they acted just like your C is. I ended up sending them to a trainer for lessons, the lady did the exact some things I did, but they listened to her because it wasn't me telling them what to do. They would tell me what they learned in the lesson and it was what I told them showed them like 2 weeks ago, I'd tell them they did a great job, they loved the lessons but hated it when I tried to teach them. *What helped my girls sit right on the horse and pay attention was putting them on the horse in the round pen bareback with the horse on a lunge line, they had to ride with their hands down by their sides, above their heads, out to the sides. It teaches balance and how to hold on with your thighs*. They started in a walk by the time they finished lessons they could handle a bareback lope. The trainer had fun patterns set up also for them to learn once they were well seated in the saddle, she only taught them to direct rein and use leg pressure not neck rein.
> 
> Some times kids just get that defiance thing when a parent figure tries to teach things.


Hahahaha - okay, so here is a funny story. *THAT* was going to be my plan! on 1/11, I worked my horse Sam and then decided to work the pony. But, HELLsBELLs, it's a PONY!! So I decided to ride her bareback. Plus, I wanted C to learn balance bareback so this would be perfect.

I didn't make it half-way around the round pen before I fell off. Sprained my ankle and wrenched my knee. I'm still gymping around over a week later. Can finally fit comfortably into shoes but won't wear anything over a riding boot heel. Lurch up and down the stairs.

I would love to have her sit bareback with nothing but the mane to hold on but this Halfy has a crazy walk and I'm afraid C will fall off!


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## grayshell38 (Mar 9, 2009)

One suggestion would be to shorten the lessons (40 min seems a bit long for an 8 year olds attention span) and, if possible, get her into group lessons with girls her own age. How much more fun are horses if you have a friend your own age with you?

ETA: How much interaction with the BOs pony has she had? Is it possible that she has bonded with that pony? I have a friend who is much more interested in leading a certain horse around than she is riding any old one. Just a thought.


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## cmarie (Dec 19, 2011)

Is the horse she rides broke enough to be ponied by your horse? If so maybe you can pony her around, let her have the reins but your really in control.


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## jbolt (Jan 1, 2012)

1 word, competition, put her in a position where she has to MAKE herself a better rider. if the other kids get to do barrels, and win money, and you just get to watch, it makes you WANT to. also supervised learning from another child can do WONDERS.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

Saskia said:


> To me it doesn't really sound like she is interested in the way you are.
> 
> Horses are fun and cool when you're that age, but having to learn the proper way of doing things is not. Nor is having your soon to be step-parent ordering you around when you just want to have fun. Maybe her interest in horses was a way to show an interest in you.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the advice, but we only have her every other weekend and can't make the time commitment to riding every other Saturday due to other family obligations that come up. The one trainer I contacted doesn't offer Sunday lessons and requires a set schedule. 

I am trying to get her in a riding clinic that occurs over the summer. We have the kids two straight weeks each summer month. I'm hoping I can find a short-term group lesson then.

Until then, I can't cancel the lease. I have every belief it would break her heart. She isn't ready to quit.

As I said, she was crying on the horse based on my teaching skills. :-( I gave her the choice to stop crying and ride or get off and cry. She chose to stop crying. 

Bottom line: I have to keep this lease until either she breaks a cardinal sin rule or I have to drag her kicking and screaming to the barn.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

cmarie said:


> Is the horse she rides broke enough to be ponied by your horse? If so maybe you can pony her around, let her have the reins but your really in control.


 
That is what got me in this mess! We took her trail riding and the barn owner, who is my horse's trainer, ponied her. It was after that ride when she started asking if Peanut could be bought for $42.

I don't think I could pony her on Sam. But, she can definitely be ponied around.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

grayshell38 said:


> One suggestion would be to shorten the lessons (40 min seems a bit long for an 8 year olds attention span) and, if possible, get her into group lessons with girls her own age. How much more fun are horses if you have a friend your own age with you?
> 
> ETA: How much interaction with the BOs pony has she had? Is it possible that she has bonded with that pony? I have a friend who is much more interested in leading a certain horse around than she is riding any old one. Just a thought.


Not enough interaction. I took the lease the last weekend she was with us on 1/6. This weekend was her first weekend back to the barn. I took her Friday night and then Sunday.

On Friday we worked on grooming and ground control. Sunday was her first ride.

I believe she likes the pony, but the pony hasn't bonded with her, if that makes sense. Which, probably puts C off a bit.

She watches my horse interact with me and granted, the pony is different but the pony does seem more "distant" than my horse.

I tried to tell her yesterday that grooming and petting comforts horses and Peanut will begin to look forward to her grooming sessions.

Time is evil in this situation. There is only so much that can be done every other weekend.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

i read your other thread and this one but have not yet read the responses. so this will be long lol 

i will make a short list that helps me teach my cousins who are from 3-15 yo

its purely games and rewards in a fun environment 
rewards - being lead on trail ride, walking on loose lead/lunge line around cones/barrels, stars and a chart- whoever has the most stars at the end of the month can do something special with the pony... usually gets to put dye on the horse or i buy them a small gift like there own halter or something... 

first lesson is always. grooming, leading, and having the child move the horse in all directions. that way they feel they are in control. (i am almost positive i read you did this in your previous thread)

second lesson involves them helping me tack up the pony - they must pick up and touch every piece of tack. while i ask questions like where does this go before i put it on, what is this called blah blah blah and then i put them on. i spend about 5 minutes leading them 2 steps and practicing stopping and releasing then continue until they get the hold of light hands... the first few times are a little a rough to watch 
then we practice turns around barrels or cones (it gives them an object to focus on plus you can relate it to barrel racing..  any mention of racing usually gets a kid excited.

third lesson refresh stops and turns and work on lunge line. practice hands up for balance, touch the tail, touch the head touch...etc that way they have to focus on how they are sitting... i know this will probably get me negative points but when i notice them not paying attention i put the pony into a trot when there hands are up.. and when they get caught off guard and start to slide they grab the horn... thats when i tell them why they need to focus... its very easy to fall and get hurt.. usually once they realize that chance the hardway like that they stop... 

eventually when they are comfortable by themself i have beanie bags on the barrels and make them walk the pony to barrel get beanie and bring it to another barrel or drop it in a bucket...etc.. and slowly work up from there...

hope it helps. what helps me even more is trying to act like a kid... it helps relate to them  goodluck


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## ponyboy (Jul 24, 2008)

Sounds to me like this girl isn't really into riding.


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## mudpie (Jul 15, 2011)

I think that perhaps she's too young or doesn't have the maturity/concentration levels to ride? I don't know her, so this is entirely just a guess, but that could be it.

I think that you should try giving her more time with her horse "saturday/sunday only when no family commitments" is precisely the recipe for an undedicated horseperson.

If at all possible, I'd recommend Pony Club! PC is a fantastic program and it's a great place to start. PC turns out well-rounded horsepeople and riders Also, remembering my 8-year-old days, maybe she needs to hear it from someone else? I _hated_ listening to my mom, or any other family.

I'd definately go for Pony Club


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## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm sorry I didn't read all the posts, so this may be redundant.

This girl is _eight years old, _right? _Eight? _She's just a little girl and hell, I'm a teenager and I have a horrid attention span as it is. I was even worse as an eight year old. I rode, I competed, but I was not ever there all the time. I hated warming my horse up at shows. The only thing I liked is showing off in the arena, then I was as good as done. I learned how to really, really engage myself later on. My interest grew the more fun it was for me.

Now, as I have started teaching little kids myself, I have to remember what it was like then. The terms "posture", "applied riding"....They mean nothing to a young girl. 

Make it fun....Play some games, challenge to trotting over some poles for some candy or something. Throw some balls into the ring and play catch with her. Get a big horse ball and play soccer. Get on your horse and play tag. Race each other (put gait restrictions on it....) and most importantly, praise praise PRAISE! Remember that kids will rarely remember being praised, but they will almost always remember being scolded. Which means the more you scold, the more resentful and unhappy they will become. Reward what she does right instead of what she does wrong.

Here's a list of games I play with my girls -

*Egg and Spoon -*
Get a plastic spoon and some eggs. Challenge her to holding the egg while you give a list of commands. (This may be hard if the pony doesn't neck rein....So maybe not)

*Tennis Ball Race -*
Get a tennis ball/golf ball for her to hold in her hand. (She can hold the small ball AND the reins, it is possible) Set up three poles with a bucket at the end. Have her weave through the poles and drop the ball into the bucket, then turn around and weave back through. Body control!

*Streamer Team Race -*
This is a team thing...You could get some friends. You tie your stirrups together with cheap dollar store streamers, They break easily and won't get hung up if theres an accident. You each hold an end and have to stay next to each other, you drop one end and you lose the game. Have someone calling a list of commands. More body control this way.

*Flag Race - *
Like the gymkhana event. Set up some flags in two buckets. Have her pick up one, drop it in the end bucket and pick up that flag and go back and set it in that bucket. Fastest time wins! Teaches a lot of balance with the leaning off for the flag, and control to get that close.

*Horse Soccer -*
You can order big horse balls. My horses typically will kick the ball around, but you can get brooms to hit them with too...Set up poles or barrels or something at the end to make goals, and let 'er rip! This teaches them a lot about positioning the little pony.

*Dollar Bill Race -*
This one my girls LOVE. Typically we do this bareback, but it works with a saddle too. Place the dollar bill under her knee. Call out commands and if she can make it through a course (write one out beforehand) then she gets to keep the dollar bill. A lot of times you will see this race in groups of riders and the last one with their dollar bill wins all the dollars. (I've won a lot of money this way ;D) This will teach her to ride with her legs.

These are just some of them...You can always make up your own or google them for more information too. My girls really respond well to these because its fun for them, and secretly they're learning how to ride!


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