# Stuck in the middle- two people I like at the barn don't get along



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

You're going to have to let Trainer #1 know you're not willing to listen to her gripes any longer.

If she starts, simply tell her, 'I don't feel comfortable discussing Trainer #2 like this. If you have an issue with her, I'd rather you take it up with her.' Then change the subject.

If she tries to continue, wash, rinse, and repeat the above phrase. Walk away if you have to. She'll eventually get the message.


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

Option 1- Change the subject. "Oh hey, I was going to ask you where you got your saddle pad" or "Hey what kind of saddle soap do you use?" 

Option 2- "Sally, sorry for interrupting but the tension between you and Sandy is making me a bit uncomfortable. I understand your reasons for not getting along and I'm glad that you feel you can talk to me about it but I like you both and I would rather not talk about it. I hope you're not offended in any way, I just don't want to be caught in the middle."

Option 3 - Keep in strictly professional and avoid them both.


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## QOS (Dec 8, 2008)

Starline - option #2 is terrific. I think you belong in the diplomatic corps or at least in public relations!!


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## Brighteyes (Mar 8, 2009)

Maybe I highjack this thread for a moment with a related question?


What if I have two friends who _hate_ each other and have had a major argument over an issue. However, I'm not completely neutral on this issue and have choosen to "side" with one of these people... I don't want to be a pansy and not defend what I believe, but I want to be friends with both these people.


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

QOS said:


> Starline - option #2 is terrific. I think you belong in the diplomatic corps or at least in public relations!!


As a barn owner, I'm learning quickly! LOL

Bright eyes - "Sally, I don't want to offend you but after some thought, I agree with Suzie. Can we agree to disagree? I value both your friendships and I really don't want it to come between us."


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

Thanks everyone. This is just what I needed to hear- some neutral, objective feedback that I need to stop ignoring what's going on and express my discomfort directly. This is always the best option in work settings, but I was having trouble transferring to my personal life.


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