# *New* Crit my ad. (not yet posted)



## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

How about...

Beautiful 13.2hh Palomino Arab/Quarter horse for lease. He walk, trots, and canters, and is starting over small jumps. He is also a great gaming horse, and a lot of fun. Needs an intermediate rider. 6 month lease: $400. Year lease: $800. If you have any questions or are interested please call ..... 


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## CharliGirl (Nov 16, 2009)

I wrote up something for you, just as a suggestion. In my opinion, a lot of the information you put in there doesn't necessarily need to be in the ad, but could be stuff that you tell the people when they come out to meet him.



> Phillip was used as a lesson pony for novice riders for 7 years. He has good ground manners, and is easy to catch. He can jump up to 2’3,” and is accustomed to being ridden bareback. He has experience with fox hunting, gaming (excellent at barrels), dressage, and western pleasure. Phillip will only be leased to an intermediate rider.
> 
> Phillip needs to stay relatively close to me in Virginia. The lessee is accountable for veterinary care, farrier services, boarding, and feed. He is available for lease only—I am not looking to sell him.
> 
> ...



I might not say anything about registration or attributes, since he doesn't have them anyway...unless you are using a horse site that requires you to enter that information.



Like I said, these are just suggestions for your ad...you don't have to use them.


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## TheLastUnicorn (Jun 11, 2010)

CharliGirl said:


> I wrote up something for you, just as a suggestion. In my opinion, a lot of the information you put in there doesn't necessarily need to be in the ad, but could be stuff that you tell the people when they come out to meet him.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This would be my choice


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

If you do it monthly I would charge more for short term 65.00 a month ads up to 780.00 a yr so you are charging more by the yr.


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## Ray MacDonald (Dec 27, 2009)

I agree, Something a little shorter instead with over flow of words.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

churumbeque said:


> If you do it monthly I would charge more for short term 65.00 a month ads up to 780.00 a yr so you are charging more by the yr.


800 divided by 12 is 66.66666667. So, the monthly lease would be $66.67. Or I could round to $67. I don't know. 





CharliGirl said:


> I wrote up something for you, just as a suggestion. In my opinion, a lot of the information you put in there doesn't necessarily need to be in the ad, but could be stuff that you tell the people when they come out to meet him.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you! That looks really good, I like it. Somewhere in there I have to add negative coggins, UTD on shots, clips, loads, leads, ties, and stand for farrier. Registration & Attributes are on most sites. Just saying.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I was thinking if you did it short term I would charge more like 100.00 a month? What is they just lease him for the good summer months and then you can't lease him for the winter?


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Then i don't lease him in the winter, lol. I just want someone to ride him when they can atleast, he needs it, he'd be good in the ring. I just don't have time with my 3 other horses, own farm, and breeding goats. I may be selling my other pony this summer, so if he doesn't get leased it's no tragedy.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I thought free leases are typical unless you have some fabulous horse on the show circuit. That may be your best bet if money isn't an issue and then you could possibly have more control.


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## Iyceisblue (May 31, 2010)

churumbeque said:


> I thought free leases are typical unless you have some fabulous horse on the show circuit. That may be your best bet if money isn't an issue and then you could possibly have more control.


I was thinking the same thing. No offense OP but I wouldn't pay to lease this pony, especially if required to provide full care. Where I'm from only seasoned show horses are leased for a fee. Personally if I were you and really wanted to get someone riding this pony I would drop the fee altogether.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

I'll see what I get. He would be a fabulous show pony. But I don't have the time to go off & show him. My trainer really likes his movement, and abilities. So, if I don't get any offers I'll reduces the price to like, $25 a month + they pay full care. If he does become seriously injured, I will not make them pay those vet bills. I'll pay those. & with a lease, if they do a monthly thing, they can dump him on me anytime. if they sign a contract saying they want him for 6 months & decide to opt out of it, they can, since legally I own the animal, and they pay me, that's their loss. Just saying.


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## apachiedragon (Apr 19, 2008)

I do agree that it will be difficult to lease him for a price when the standard is free lease with full care covered by leasee. If they are paying you, AND paying board and vet, etc, they are likely going to find a cheaper lease or buy one of their own for the same or less. There are literally countless good ponies for sale out there right now for $800 and less because of the economy. You will have to REALLY push his strong points to get him leased for those figures. I'm not saying it isn't possible, but your best bet would be get him to a show, in full tack, and get some professional looking pictures of him, and then hope that some pony clubber needs a project for the year. Good luck!


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

ilovemyPhillip said:


> I'll see what I get. He would be a fabulous show pony. But I don't have the time to go off & show him. My trainer really likes his movement, and abilities. So, if I don't get any offers I'll reduces the price to like, $25 a month + they pay full care. If he does become seriously injured, I will not make them pay those vet bills. I'll pay those. & with a lease, if they do a monthly thing, they can dump him on me anytime. if they sign a contract saying they want him for 6 months & decide to opt out of it, they can, since legally I own the animal, and they pay me, that's their loss. Just saying.


If you don't have the time to show him, how are you going to have the time to retrain and show an OTTB?


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

I didn't say I was going to do that.. I have farm matters I need to attend to.. I need to show some of my goats, sell a few, buy new fence, etc. It's a lot of work. I want Phillip to get attention, he needs to be ridden & shown. I want him to be loved by a little girl, that's my ultimate wish.. so could you just back off a little?


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

ilovemyPhillip said:


> I didn't say I was going to do that.. I have farm matters I need to attend to.. I need to show some of my goats, sell a few, buy new fence, etc. It's a lot of work. I want Phillip to get attention, he needs to be ridden & shown. I want him to be loved by a little girl, that's my ultimate wish.. so could you just back off a little?


So you forget all the plans you had to show him and buy a TB next year?



ilovemyPhillip said:


> I want to show Phillip next year, and lease him out for about $600 for 6 months, at a barn that has low fees ($200 board, $20 farrier, $200 vet, $40 lessons).
> 
> I need help with my mom, though. She's afraid he'll hurt someone if he spooks bad. She doesn't want a beginer to take on him.. But I wouldn't let a beginer lease him.
> 
> I want to lease him out, so I can buy a TB mare for my own purposes. And eventually I would sell Phillip, or permanently (spelling? sorry, mno spell check on this laptop) lease him. I want to get Savannah leased out in the next few years, too.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Where did you dig that up? o.o Stalking me. My plans change. I have issues with my funds.


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

Reading posts you've started on a public forum is not in any way, shape or form 'stalking'. I thought I had read posts by you before, but I couldn't remember what you had said.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Isn't that particular quote from quite a while ago?


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

I'm going to be honest and mean this in the nicest way possible. I agree that your chances of leasing this horse for a fee is slim. I would do a free lease. PM me if you would like a copy of a lease contract that I use.

Your ad photos from the other thread are horrid. Know your target audience! To me it seems like hunter/jumper lesson pony? Pull his mane (the long chop is ugly and not breed or discipline appropriate) clip his bridle path and his legs and give him a good bath before you take photos or video. Your tack should be clean and saddle pad washed. Barrow a bridle.. riding in a halter for a sale photo/video is tacky. If you do not want him ridden in a bit, then get a side-pull for your bridle they are cheap. You also need to look your best. Clean breeches, boots, belt and a polo type shirt. You are almost there, just tuck in the shirt and take off the loud jewelry. Your helmet is fitted incorrectly and your hair needs to be pinned back or tucked neatly in your helmet. I say this because sloppy makes you and your horse look incompetent.

Your ad needs to be shorter and more organized.

Name:
Breed:
Age:
Height:
Discipline:
Price:

Paragraph 1 - Suitability

"Prince Phillip", other known as "P" is a 10 year old Arab/Quarter Pony cross currently ridden hunter/jumper but has some western training as well. Phillip jumps 2'3 and is been ridden currently 2-3 times a week in a cross country type environment. Phillip is great with leg cues, neck reins (doesn't need constant direct pressure), and will work off of vocal commands. He can w/t/c bareback through trails, but needs an intermediate rider. <Here is where you would add comments about ground manners, clipping, loading ect..> Keep it short and to the point. Get them to come see your horse and you can talk more in depth about him there.

Paragraph 2 - Health
Phillip is UTD on all shots and coggins and <here is where you would talk about any special needs or soundness issues><end on a good note> Phillip is an easy keeper with great feet and is kept barefoot. 

Paragraph 3 - Lease terms

Philip is offered as a free lease (recommended) to an intermediate rider only and is not for sale at this time. Lessee must provide a safe and loving home with in the state of Virginia preferably with-in a 50 mile radius.Lessee will be responsible for all board, farrier and veterinary cost during the lease. Lease length and other terms are negotiable.

Serious inquiries only please.

<Contact info and best time to reach you here>

Can you tell I'm anal about this? Good luck!





http://www.horseforum.com/horse-riding-critique/critique-my-ad-not-yet-posted-71817/#ixzz16pPfspn3​


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

It's from the end of August. 3 months isn't 'quite a while ago'.


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## kcscott85 (Jul 28, 2010)

Take a close look at what starline said. It also seems to me that you are trying to market him as a hunter/jumper pony. If so, especially considering he's unproven in a show ring, you have to make him stand out. Appearance is a big part of hunters and these pictures just show a pony that might be fun to fly around a field with. 

Do you have a field or somewhere that looks clean? If I were looking for a new show pony I wouldn't be looking for pictures that included farm machinery, ungroomed horses, and goats. I certainly would be turned off by the pony being ridden in a halter. You don't show in a halter and so you shouldn't advertise pictures of him being ridden in one. He needs to be cleaned up so he looks like he's show ready. You also need to make yourself look clean and professional. 

I agree with everyone else that says you should change it to free lease. In my experience (17 years of it) the only horses who didn't have a free lease were the ones who were absolutely amazing, PROVEN, show horses. Mostly they were lease to own and the amount they leased the horse for went toward their purchase price. You says you don't want to sell him, so I doubt anyone will want to pay a monthly fee plus all the other costs of owning a horse. Just because you think he'll be a "fabulous" show pony doesn't mean he actually will be.


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

reachthestars said:


> It's from the end of August. 3 months isn't 'quite a while ago'.



Yeah, but 3 months is enough time to lose money, and change plans. 

You sure like picking on this girl don't you? I've seen quite a few posts of you harping the OP.

I know I should mind my own business, but I felt I needed to say something.


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## apachiedragon (Apr 19, 2008)

I have to agree Erika. Three months is more than enough time for someone's situation to change, have a change of plans, or just simply decide on another course of action for no reason. OP did nothing wrong in deciding to lease out her pony so he gets more use. 

I do hope she seriously considers the free lease option though, as that would bring about a lot more interest in the pony, I would think.


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

I would also like to point out that I'm really proud of the OP handling all the negative comments to her post VERY well. We are trying to help even though it may seem like it isn't. You have a very cute pony though.. I am a sucker for palominos!


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

starlinestables said:


> I would also like to point out that I'm really proud of the OP handling all the negative comments to her post VERY well. We are trying to help even though it may seem like it isn't. You have a very cute pony though.. I am a sucker for palominos!



I agree, but I really didn't see anything negative posted, just someone harping on her about things that aren't really relevant to the thread.

This has nothing to do with the thread neither...So, I'm sorry about that.


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## reachthestars (Jul 2, 2010)

ErikaLynn said:


> Yeah, but 3 months is enough time to lose money, and change plans.
> 
> You sure like picking on this girl don't you? I've seen quite a few posts of you harping the OP.
> 
> I know I should mind my own business, but I felt I needed to say something.


Picking on her? Every thread this girl starts sends up a million red flags - asking for clarification on things and pointing out OBVIOUS issues is now picking on her? I would hate to see her sued because she decided to play riding instructor. I've also been encouraging her to keep her pony if he's what makes her happy.


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## apachiedragon (Apr 19, 2008)

I don't know about other threads but she did nothing in this one that would warrant your response. And the issue you had was with something posted months ago. I'd call that picking on her. All she asked for in this thread was advice on how to word a lease ad.


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Thanks everyone. In August, ACTUALLY, we couldn't afford our house. We were forced to move out & lost a lot, so we could pay for all of our horses. You have no idea what could happen in 3 months.


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## xeventer17 (Jan 26, 2009)

I don't have a critique to add about the ad. You've gotten a lot of good advice, and I do agree that free lease would probably be best.

I would also like to disagree quite strongly with reachthestars rather unwarranted posts. I have seen none of these "red flags" in your posts that were mentioned. I've actually noticed quite the opposite. If I remember correctly, you're rather young, and I've actually been surprised and impressed with your maturity.

That is all :]


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## Hunter65 (Aug 19, 2009)

OMG I hadn't seen picts of Phillip in a while. Hunters mirror image (well almost).
Free lease is your best bet, I was contemplating that myself for the winter but decided I just gotta get off my duff and put some miles on him.
Good luck!


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