# Bullying and Cyberbullying



## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

I see this happens a lot in the US just as it does in other countrirs. Apparently a bill was supposed to be drafted 9 months ago.

Too many countries are sitting on their collective behinds on this one.. Many will ask where are the parents of the little snots who behave this way? 

I would venture that it is the parents in many cases that are in fact "showing the way" and setting the example from what I see on so many sites.


* Boston, MA.
*
The story of Massachusetts high school student Phoebe Prince's death is waking up lawmakers on Beacon Hill. 


The freshman at South Hadley High School died Jan. 14. and two students accused of bullying the15-year-old have been punished. 

According to the principal, Prince, who had recently moved to western Massachusetts from Ireland, was harassed through texting and Facebook entries by a clique of girls. 

Whether she committed suicide because of all the taunting police are still investigating. About 200 students held a vigil the night after Prince died and several web tribute pages for her popped up Facebook. Most of the messages were positive but others were cruel had to be taken down. 

Many legislators are feeling more pressure to do something to stop bullying before another child commits suicide. 

For months, lawmakers have been working on an anti-bullying bill some say it should finally head to the House and Senate sometime next week. Meanwhile the school formed a task force to examine the bullying issue.


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## MIEventer (Feb 15, 2009)

I cannot remember the name of the film I watched, but it was about Cyber Bullying. A teenage girl was being picked on and bullied by her peers from school via chat rooms and e-mails - it was a great movie, and a great way to show those through telivision what is going on today.

I have been cyber bullied, and even am today. I play alot of Xbox live, a specific game called Call Of Duty.

I get picked on alot because I am a girl, in a overly populated man community who plays the game. When they find out I am a girl, they get very ignorant - and sometimes, it comes to messages being sent to me with very nasty comments, and I even get sexually insulting messages, and once in a while, I get pictures of their genitalia sent to me.

Yes, seriously. 

My Husband discussed this with Xbox themselves, and there isn't much they can do. I can report them, and who knows where it'll go from there. My Husband wasn't happy with the response, so he contacted the police.

They said, that it is cyber bullying and it is a crime. So when it happens again, I am to save the messages and they will supina Xbox for the person's information, and if deemed necessary, they will be charged.

Charged not only for bullying, but for sexual harrassment.


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## ridingismylife2 (Nov 4, 2008)

I used to get bullied when I was in grades 7 and half of 8. It was horrible. Everyone was scared to stand up to the girl who did it to, which just made it worse, because they'd just watch while she'd be horrible to me. 
I seriously hated going to school and skipped many times because i just couldn't deal with her. She made me cry every single freaking week! She also bullied some of my friends but she would bully different people in different ways. She also hacked into my msn account and spread rumors about me and she would talk about me behind my back. 
But thankfully during the last few weeks before Christmas holiday we started to stand up to her and we ignored her, so she changed schools.  
Thanks to her I hate getting calls from numbers I don't know and i had to change all my passwords,etc.
She was horrible! I really hope she has matured!


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

I've never been bullied in person, which I attribute to the fact that I've always been a fairly quiet person who sticks to herself...

But I have been cyber-bullied a few times by random people who somehow got my AIM screenname. Still not sure how they ot it, as I don't advertise it and only inform my closest internet friends (which, at this point, there's only one person who has it, lol). I just ignored it, never wrote back, and sometimes blocked the other person. It quit, regardless. Lol, and now I'm back bully-free.


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

Sorry to sound insensitive, but grow some thicker skin. Ignore it and move on.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

MIEventer said:


> I cannot remember the name of the film I watched, but it was about Cyber Bullying. A teenage girl was being picked on and bullied by her peers from school via chat rooms and e-mails - it was a great movie, and a great way to show those through telivision what is going on today.
> .


odd girl out


It was a very good movie for teens to watch.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

It's tough enough to be a kid in your own skin much less being picked on by your peers. I wonder, if I had children today if I would even allow internet access except on a very restricted basis. I don't think any kid needs a cell phone with internet access either. I'd be a mean mom :evil:


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

The internet provides a way to send messages anonymously. People are more forthcoming with information and tend to judge - and hit reply - faster because there is no association face-to-face. You can't see the other person's reaction, and it is very easy to hide behind "oh, well s/he took it the wrong way," as one cannot convey tone through text.
For example,
"Sorry to sound insensitive, but grow some thicker skin. Ignore it and move on." - I take this to be insulting. Perhaps you didn't mean it as such, but I took it that way. That is the problem with text, there is no emotion behind it. I am a very sensitive person, and I take things to heart - whether it's online or face-to-face. I am the same person online as I am in person. 
Whether we like it or not, communication is becoming digitalized. It used to be easy to shut off the computer or phone and ignore what people said to you, but that is becoming less and less the case. People are depending on the internet for communication, and because of this, we have to take responsibility for what we say and do online, and _realize that there is another human being on the other side of the screen._ If you wouldn't say it to their faces, why would you type it in a reply box, texting screen, or message?
Again, it's a very impersonal way of getting your message across - more to the point, it provides an 'out' for bullies; they can say "that's not now I meant it," or "it wasn't me, so-and-so hacked my account, and sent those rumors out."
The internet provides a new way for bullies to be even less accountable for their actions.


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## ridingismylife2 (Nov 4, 2008)

JustDressageIt said:


> "Sorry to sound insensitive, but grow some thicker skin. Ignore it and move on." - I take this to be insulting. Perhaps you didn't mean it as such, but I took it that way.


Ditto!
And I completely agree with your whole post!


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

I am pretty cut and dry. Im sorry but words will only hurt you as much as you let them. Its mean and cruel for people to make fun of each other, but it will always happen. Mostly because those people are insecure about themselves.
Living in it and feeling bad only strengthens a bullies power and makes you feel worthless.
So, Again grow thicker skin. Ignore it and move on.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

I do take issue with those who try to squelch free speech on the Internet. It is a place where people speak their mind. I don't think that should ever change. Its one of the last uncontrolled voices we have. Even as a mod I have to decide what is free speech and what is unacceptable. I can't be a thread Nazi and edit helter skelter as I see fit. Its more of having to take the stance for the masses, not just based on my opinion. 
If a statement is made "grow some skin" well that is that persons opinion and they have the right to voice it. Its up to the individual whether to read it or not. 
I think it is the fault of the parent that allows their child free access to this media. If anyone needs censure, its them, not the adults who willingly partake in it. 
If your going to let your child onto the Internet then yes, they had better grow some thicker skin. In my opinion the answer is to not allow them free access in the first place.


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

^ I agree. I was always pretty well monitored on the internet. I will say I have a decently thick skin (and head) too...lol. In school only a few people tried to bully me. I ignored them, they got mad, they yelled, adn then I laughed at them in front of everyone. It pretty much stopped the bullying. I have also never had an issue with stepping in if I see someone else bullied. I would have wanted someone to step in if it were me, a friend, or my younger sister. I have that whole want to right the wrongs attitude about it. It has gotten me in trouble before, but sometimes it helps that person find enough of a backbone to say back off. If not, it at least gives them some time to get away.


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## jiblethead (Dec 14, 2009)

IMHO cyberbulling is not bad...at all. I'm 14 (15 next week!) and being made fun of to your face is much MUCH worse. I get made of a lot and when someone sends you a mean e-mail you can delete it and be done. But when someone makes fun of you to your face them there are usually other people there that join in. And there is not much you can do when it's in the middle of class and the teacher actully joins in. If you are getting made fun of on Facebook just DON'T GET ON IT! You can't avoid going to school (trust me I've tried) but you can avoid getting on Facebook and opening up texts that you know are mean. Just my honest opinion...


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## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

jiblethead said:


> IMHO cyberbulling is not bad...at all. I'm 14 (15 next week!) and being made fun of to your face is much MUCH worse. I get made of a lot and when someone sends you a mean e-mail you can delete it and be done. But when someone makes fun of you to your face them there are usually other people there that join in. And there is not much you can do when it's in the middle of class and the teacher actully joins in. If you are getting made fun of on Facebook just DON'T GET ON IT! You can't avoid going to school (trust me I've tried) but you can avoid getting on Facebook and opening up texts that you know are mean. Just my honest opinion...


Live a little longer and you may feel the full brunt of true cyberbullying, stalking and harassment.

One individual was subjected to seeing a picture of a tombstone with their name on it. A real threat,.. probably not if the distance is great but the implication is there. The legal department that monitored that site felt it was a threat.

With face to face confrontation at least you see your harassers but on the net, it could be your best friend in real live that has a grudge. Just get a username and stalk your victim (or your best friend). So easily done and IS done.


Lets hope you never are in a situation like that. There was even one case where in a chat room one person was so harassed that he did what was being pushed on him over and over and committed suicide.

As one person said grow a thicker skin but not everyone CAN ignore the taunts and in some cases the best defence against some harassers is to aggressivly fight back (wiuthout doing what the bullies are doing though).


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

I moved from a bigger city to a smaller town around 4-6th grade and got bullied. Not very badly in a straight way but more like clearly ostracized. I think I carry some scared wounds from it also nowdays, even of course I've grown a lot during all these years and got the most of my confidence towards people back. About cyberbullying, it's something I've luckily never experienced.

If my memory serves me, the Jokela school shooter (the school shooting which happened here back in 2008 ) was heavily bullied. Then he started to seclude himself mentally from other, normal people and create his genocide plans and ended up a massacre.

I think it's a lot because of immaturity. Children and many teens can't step in someone else's shoes and like most of adults can do (even seems that some adults will never reach that empathy stage either) and many things seem to be pretty black-and-white before these youngsters start to find more tones when growing up. Besides that it's easy to find some outer target in which to project all these negative feelings when you're feeling unsure yourself and about it who YOU are. Some of these teen harassers will be all wise adults when they once grow up. I'd say that happened with most of those teens who ostracized me too.

My opinion is that school and parents should be interfere in things IMMEDIATELY when somebody starts to bully someone. Also social workers and even police if the situation needs it. I think we would need more preventive work too. These children, teens (and some adults) need to understand that the victim of bullying is a human creature with all these feelings too.

Crimsonhorse, some people are just more sensitive than others, especially during their youth times. Even I recommend that ignoring thing too as a first step since it has effects on some teasers, I can believe that when some person or people just bugs and bugs you, you finally just can't ignore it anymore.

ETA: This thread had gained many news answers during I wrote mine so I could add: It's not words all the time. How you can ignore it when the teaser, after noticing that words will not hurt you, starts to threaten you physically or just does something else in practice. I've luckily never been there personally but sometimes felt it would have been turned like that soon and know some teasers go there.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

Online harassment and bullying IS real, whether you want to turn a blind eye or not. Sure, you can say "don't let it get to you" or what have you, but it simply isn't that easy.


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## horses4life43 (Nov 8, 2009)

Crimsonhorse01 said:


> Sorry to sound insensitive, but grow some thicker skin. Ignore it and move on.


Okay so is that what your going to tell your child if they get bullied to "Grow some thicker skin and get over it?"

I take bullying very personally in person and through internet. I never had a high self esteem in school. In result, I got picked on.


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

Vidaloco said:


> I think it is the fault of the parent that allows their child free access to this media. If anyone needs censure, its them, not the adults who willingly partake in it.


That's an interesting point. My personal view (based on one other forum which has been divided senior talk and junior talk besiedes some other categories) is that sometimes adults should be more censored than children. I'm mainly for free speech too and think it can be hard to draw the line between it when someone says his or her opinion very straightly and it when it has turned insulting. Anyways, comments like "you have to be deranged" or "you're a totally jerk" on that forum came mainly from adult people, don't from children.

So, perhaps in some cases, like father, like son...?


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

horses4life43 said:


> Okay so is that what your going to tell your child if they get bullied to "Grow some thicker skin and get over it?"
> 
> I take bullying very personally in person and through internet. I never had a high self esteem in school. In result, I got picked on.


That is most certainly what I will tell her. I will also tell her the reason why. If it gets to physical threats than it gets into parents stepping in. But, I will not be there all the time to protect her from what people will say. It happens in school it happens when your an adult. I to was made fun of in school but I really didnt give a S*(&.


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## Iluvjunior (Feb 15, 2009)

Wow to all of this!

Crimsonhorse01- you really have no heart if your going to tell your own daughter that. Instead of telling her to get over it maybe you should talk to her about it. I feel bad for her when she comes home crying because she got picked on and you tell her to grow thicker skin!


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## Iluvjunior (Feb 15, 2009)

Now that I got that off I am sorry for being rude and I shouldn't of said that. Please forgive me my temper can get to me.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

bullying in anyway is really hard to deal with. I've been bullied in many ways. There can be some really friendly bullies out there as well as the mean ones. When I say that, I mean, they can, in a very nice way bully you into giving them what they want, such as riding your horses. They can actually manipulate you into feeling like you are the bad guy in a situation. 

Of course there are also the classic bullies that feed off of your fear. I think it's mostly about control in the end. A girl might be jelous of you so she'll tell you that you are ugly or fat, dumb, short, ignorant, whatever. It's all about making you feel small.

There was a boy here once that had been bullied for years. His parents had been to the principle nad had written letters to the school board and all sorts of things. The bullying continued for years. One day the bully spit in the kids food and I geuss it triggered something and the kid finally stood up for himself. He pummeled that bully. He ended up cracking the guys skull and get this... After years of being bullied and pushed around, after years of his parents going to the school, he went to jail for maliscious wounding. How is that fair? Was it right to beat the guy to a pulp? No, but was it fair to spend so many years in misery?

Sometimes I think that a bully needs a good punch in the nose. Hard to do over the internet. Especially since so many bullies seem to team up on people. I don't get it, bullying. Is this a rant? I think it's a rant.

PS - Crimson may sound like a cold hearted mom, but in reality, it's kind of what needs to be said, in a loving sort of way. I've learned from experience that bullying does not go away. You HAVE to stand up for yourself, it's the only way to fight it. The thing is, you have to know that there is someone at home that loves you, that is willing to stand BESIDE you while you stand up for yourself. As long as you know you aren't alone, you can do anything.

sorry for the long winded session.


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## horses4life43 (Nov 8, 2009)

I wasn't saying earlier to baby them but maybe say it nicer I'm hoping she wouldn't say that to her kid.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

horses4life43 said:


> I wasn't saying earlier to baby them but maybe say it nicer I'm hoping she wouldn't say that to her kid.


Like I said, I've been bullied and I hate to say it but... It doesn't matter how kind and caring they are when they tell you that this is something you have to deal with on your own. You already feel like a victim at that point, you feel weak and fragile and then your parents stand there and tell you to handle it on your own. It's pretty upsetting, but it's what needs to be done and when you do, handle it on your own. It's a great feeling.


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## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

farmpony84 said:


> Like I said, I've been bullied


So THAT is why you won't give me back my Percy !!!:evil:

I will haunt you and stalk you and bully you until you give him back.


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## horses4life43 (Nov 8, 2009)

I would tell my child they need to work it out with whichever kid it may be. Although I don't believe I will say to grow thicker skin and get over it. I tjinkni would re word it.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

Spyder said:


> So THAT is why you won't give me back my Percy !!!:evil:
> 
> I will haunt you and stalk you and bully you until you give him back.


 
NEVER SPYDER! You can threaten me, you can call me mean, you can call me old, but you will NEVER bully me into returning Percey! NEVER!


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## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

farmpony84 said:


> NEVER SPYDER! You can threaten me, you can call me mean, you can call me old, but you will NEVER bully me into returning Percey! NEVER!


 
What a poor bully to do.

MEAN Farmpony !!


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

I was bullied throughout primary school. I have always been a very socially awkward person - I can never seem to say the right thing to the right people. That's why I like this forum a lot - I can take time to go over what I want to say, and edit to make sure I get my point across. I am much better at communicating via the written/typed word than in real life. As such, I have never been cyber-bullied, as I am much better equipped to respond. I have no head for conflict - if insulted face to face, about all I can retort with is "Yeah? Well... You're DUMB!"

I used to wet my pants in the early years of primary school. I don't think there is much out there that can be worse for a child's self esteem than this. Not only was I very shy, a manic reader (read: nerd), but I also had this issue that I couldn't conrtol and was ridiculed for. 

If my mother had of said to me 'Toughen up and get over it' I probably would have run away from home. It would have done a great deal of damage to our relationship. While we often clash in other aspects of life, she always supported me through that time. 

Honestly - What brought me through it was horses (Along with other animals - namely dogs). I started having riding lessons when I was five, was working as a junior staff when I was 9, and leased my first horse at 10. Around horses, I was confident, in control - I didn't feel intimidated. I could understand these creatures - They were honest. They didn't make snide remarks, lie, say things behind your back. They were upfront and transparent.

I never grew out of my shyness and insecurity. I still harbour a great fear of calling people on the phone and meeting new people. All I learnt was to hide it - To laugh off any hurtful remarks. I still felt them, but it helped take away the satisfaction the bullies got from it. 

I actually went through Primary school, high school and college with some of them. Funny - As I got older, more confident, and (not to sound arrogant) more attractive, some of the boys actually tried to turn around and be friends. Needles to say I wanted nothing to do with them. 

Nowadays - I just stay quiet. I have no friends at my workplace, and while not bullied, do feel quite ostracized and have been on the end of some blatant rudeness and 'cliquey-ness'. I'm like a different person in my work life compared to my riding life. It's part of the reason I ride/compete so much - I can relate to horse people. My only good friends are horsey people. 

I think part of the problem is that i'm very critical - I see things I don't like in most people, and try not to be like that myself. 

My boyfriend is about the only non-horsey peerson I see regularly. He is much more confident and outgoing than me, but is the same, not very social. I really only get along well with one of his friends who I went to school with - I desperately want to get along with the others but again, tend to stay silent as I never say the right thing when we aren't talking about horses. 

Oops, that went a bit OT... But basically, bullying can have far-reaching consequences. I have no doubt that I would be a very different person today if I hadn't been bullied. Being told to toughen up may work for some children/people - But it will make it worse for just as many. If a child is feeling depressed and suicidal, as many victims of bullying do, then being told anything like that will often be enough to tip them over the edge. Love and understanding are the qualities that help you through.


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## Beaucowboy4 (Jan 2, 2010)

Wow, ouch. When your in that situation of getting bullied, it is just horrible. You can deal with it and grow from it, but at least have sympathy and compassion for those people.


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## Amba1027 (Jun 26, 2009)

Did anyone else hear about a mom who bullied some girl her daughter didn't like? I don't rememebr if this is exactly how it went but it was something like the two girls liked the same boy and the mom of one girl made a myspace pretending to be the boy and was really mean to the other girl and she ended up killing herself. 

As far as ignoring it and getting over it, you have to keep in mind that not everyone is the same and there can be underlying issues that these kids may have. The one's that end up killing themselves could already have some psychological issues and are pushed over the edge by the bullying. You can't tell some people to just get over it. It's not that simple for everyone.


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

More on 'toughening up':

It really isn't that simple. There aren't many kids out there who enjoy being bullied - If it was as easy as just growing a pair and brushing it off, then there wouldn't be many kids being bullied. Sure, some bullies will be deterred, but some will take it as a challenge, and escalate until they get a response. I daresay that is the case in many of the situations with bad endings.

There is NO easy solution to bullying. For the victim, it is absolutely debilitating. It takes a lot of soul searching and personal growth to be able to handle it - Sadly a lot of kids are bullied when they are too young to be able to handle themselves in that manner. That is where support from family and friends comes in. 

And then sometimes, even if a kid does everything right, the bully is just un-deterrable. In that case it is a real psychological issue with the bully, and nothing the victim does will make any iota of difference.

Bullying is much like the training of horses - No one solution will work for every situation.


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## Gidji (Dec 19, 2008)

Cyber bullying is just atrocious. I have been bullied, (cyber+face to face), and it is horrible. I think today's teens are becoming more and more superficial. I have deal with rumours every day, but I hold my head up high. I also deal with being excluding by a certain group of girls at my school.

My school, and many schools for that matter do not do enough to deal with bullying. Its totally unacceptable. A detention and a talking to by a teacher does nothing. Severe disciplines need to be put into place, because bullying can and does effect people's lives. At my school, we have a zero tolerance policy, but all that involves is the students involved sitting down and having a chat with the victim and a counsellor. This never works!

I'm getting all emotional  I'd better stop before I write a novel.


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

^ Lol, that's what I did.


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## Amba1027 (Jun 26, 2009)

A girl that was a few years below me in middle school got expelled for bullying another girl. I don't know the details (it happened after I graduated) just that she had some pictures of the girl and passed them around the school. She thought it was so dumb that she got expelled (we ended up at the same high school as well). I don't think she ever thought there was something wrong with what she did.


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## Gidji (Dec 19, 2008)

I've had pictures and some pretty personal MSN conversations passed around school of me. Cyber bullying makes it that much easier to access information that one can't get by face to face bullying. A girl hacked my MSN account and printed off a lot of personal stuff and sent it around the whole school and area. HECK, even the teachers knew about it, but none of them came up and asked if I was ok.


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## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

And just remember that cyberbullying in particular is not limited to teenagers.

Go to many forums (especially horse and dog ones) and you see adults behaving badly against other adults. You see teens behaving badly against adults and adults behaving badly against younger people and teens.

It is just that this topic reaches the news more from stories where a teen commits suicide due to bullying (and many times their parents have simply told them to just ignore or toughen up).

Just go to COTH for example and the mob mentlity runs rampant (and these are adults, at least in physical years anyways)


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## roro (Aug 14, 2009)

Replying to the OP- are they looking for the original 'bulliers'? Often when I read articles about text-bullying, cyber-bullying, school-bullying etc causing suicide the article is focused on the victim and not the attacker. What sort of punishment do bulliers go through if they are found to be linked to a suicide, if any? I don't think the solution for bullying is to have victims 'grow thicker skin and move on' I think the bulliers should be punished to a point were they know what they did was wrong and will never do it again. Perhaps I sound a bit severe, but anyone doing such a serious and terrible thing should go through serious act should expect to deal with serious consequences. No, I don't care if the bully was 'just wanting attention', if they acted as a catalyst for a suicide/caused severe emotional suffering that is not an excuse.


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## Gidji (Dec 19, 2008)

^^Completely agree. Bullying does effect people's lives, and it needs to stop. ****y little punishments such as a litte detention won't do anything.


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

While I do agree with the fact that there need ot be harsher punishments for bullies, I will also point out that many times they have issues as well. I have dealt with being bullied. I started out as a scared little kid, and horses were the thing that helped me. (along with an older male cousin that taught me to fight) There are many times that both the bully and the victim need someone to talk to. Many bullies are abused in some way by adults or other children. 

I feel that parents should definitely monitor their children's internet usage more strongly. My parents did. They knew all my passwords until I was about 17. They knew who I talked to, who I argued with, and what most of it was about. 

They never had to interfere for me, but I have had to intervene on my younger sister's behalf. The mother of a girl she was arguing with came and was screaming in her face at a baseball game. I just about went to jail, but I called over some other adults (I was only 18 so still difficult for me to get the idiot to back off). My sister was 15, and this woman was angry because her daughter didn't like that my sister was dating her ex. Kids can be stupid, and it gets worse when adults get in on it. 

I will not have my kids having free access to the internet. I will have passwords, and if they change them they will not get back on until I have the new password. It worked with me, so I think that it sounds like a decent plan. If I ever have a child being bullied I will talk to them about coping skills, and I will hopefully have a younger family friend, aunt/uncle, etc to reinforce what I tell them.


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## irydehorses4lyfe (Sep 8, 2009)

I can personally say being told to 'toughen up' doesn't always help, nor does it work for everyone. From grade 2 all the way up through 11th grade I was bullied. I changed schools so so so many times. I was in and out of 6 schools from grades 2-5. and 3 schools from 6-8, and 3 from 9-11. All different. Because the principals at the elementary schools couldn't care less nor did they do anything. In middle school, the kids acted perfect after they got in trouble, and then went back to it. and in High School I got slammed into so many lockers and such it just wasn't funny. I ended up dropping 4 classes in 10th to avoid the kids, and got a year behind in school, and junior year the same thing happened...and come senior year I was 2.5 years behind credit wise and because of the bullying being so bad I ended up dropping out. 
I will say I tried to stand up to those who were nasty, and it didn't work, they just found something new to torture me with. And now since leaving the whole school scene, I just don't care what people say to me, cause they don't matter. I figured out if I have to stand up to someone or feel like I have to prove them wrong for them to leave me alone, it must mean I must've believed them about whatever it was they were saying at the time. I've gotten a whole lot rougher around the edges since all of the school bullying and drama.

It's different for everyone. Some things work for some people that may not work for others. For me it was fighting and running consistently, trying to succeed and then finding another way to succeed after all my resources in the school world were exhausted.

*went on a major rant there*


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## Gidji (Dec 19, 2008)

If it wasn't for my very close friends, I'd have to say I wouldn't be here today. Although only 2 of my friends go to my school, thats what keeps me going. I am not liked at my school after an incident that happened at the end of last year, but oh well. I actually rarely see those 2 friends at school because there seniors, but they keep me going. Most of my friends now are horse people, or from work.

I'd also like to say that when you tell a kid to 'toughen up', it can sometimes lead to depression. For about 2 weeks last year, in the worst time, I was told to 'toughen up'. And I did. I didn't say anything to those bullies, I didn't cry, I just kept my head held high and walked on. But I'd spend recess and lunch in the toilets, crying or just reading a book in the library just to avoid them.

I go back to school on Friday, hopefully things won't be like last year.


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## Lis (Oct 29, 2009)

Just saying grow a thicker skin and get over it doesn't work. I've been there and it's so hard to do that, next to impossible. Unfortunatly for me it started really picking up at the same time my parents split up. I'm only just getting out of counselling and it's been two years since I left that school. I ended up missing a lot of my last year in that school because I refused to go in as I felt physically sick when I saw the people who were bullying me. My teacher in the one class they were together was rubbish at controlling the class so they took every opportunity to bully me somemore. I had cuts on my hands from where I was digging my nails in to stop myself from crying in class. Even when I eventually moved desks away from them, the teacher decided to move one of them near to me again. The lad involved was also in several of my other classes where he would keep it up. Luckily only a few friends had my mobile number and I blocked them all on Facebook so none of them reached me that way. I was moved to a school for kids with issues like depression, which I had quite badly by this point, and other issues that prevented them from attending a normal school like an illness as it was a hospital school. By this point I had started attending a group for self harmers. I still have the scars. I can honestly say if it wasn't for my animals, my mum and my friends I wouldn't be here as I tried to off myself twice. If my mum had told me to grow a thicker skin and get over it I would have thought I was getting punished by no help for being bullied. In two years I went from being reasonably happy to being so depressed I could only see one way out of it. I was only reasonably happy because I was just recovering from having depression before due to a severe illness in my first year at high school so I missed a few months of school which made me feel very alone. My point is after my little sob story bullying is dangerous and I have often been told that bullies have their own issues but quite frankly after going through what I went through I don't see how that gives them the right to ruin my life because theirs isn't how they want it? I feel like I have a mark of Cain on me because I switched schools and was in counselling now I'm at college because the staff who dealt with adminstrations etc were on my case straight away when I was ill talking about dropping courses because they felt I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress when I came back. I get the feeling it's going to haunt me for the rest of my life as I'm going to be moved into adult mental health services soon so I'll have to deal with that which means any application I fill out I will have to put it on because I have a history of mental illness. I think if those bullies had left me alone I would have coped with my parents split a lot better and had school as a haven but as it turned out I couldn't get away from it all anywhere but the school library. I didn't get the exam results I wanted but they were very good all the same with everything considered.


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

Ah well, I see I dont agree with allot of people on here. 
I do have to agree that there needs to be more parenting done. Its not the schools its not the gov. that should punish someones kids misbehaving but the parents. 
Dont 'worry about your comment. It only made me laugh. My daughter is the most important thing. She will never go to daycare and she will always have mom.


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## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

Crimsonhorse01 said:


> She will never go to daycare and she will always have mom.


Someone plans to live forever. Please tell me your secret.


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

Rofl Spyder. I have no such dreams of living for ever. But I will always be there till I pass. I will try my hardest to set her up for success. She will be a strong independent woman with a strong family unit to help her succeed.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

SmoothTrails said:


> While I do agree with the fact that there need ot be harsher punishments for bullies, I will also point out that many times they have issues as well. I have dealt with being bullied. I started out as a scared little kid, and horses were the thing that helped me. (along with an older male cousin that taught me to fight) There are many times that both the bully and the victim need someone to talk to. Many bullies are abused in some way by adults or other children.
> 
> I feel that parents should definitely monitor their children's internet usage more strongly. My parents did. They knew all my passwords until I was about 17. They knew who I talked to, who I argued with, and what most of it was about.
> 
> ...


That's the best thing that a parent can do. 
My parents always made me fight my own battles. They gave me the tools to be able to cope with the fights but I knew I was on my own so I chose my battles carefully. I'm sure I was bullied as a kid but I'm also sure I was good at ignoring it or beating the crap out of the kid doing it (that was allowed back then as well as teachers using corporal punishment) 
People are going to have to deal with bullies all their lives. Mommy and daddy aren't always going to be there. They will have to learn to deal with it. Its best if they do grow some thicker skin and the sooner the better.


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

Personally I think it depends a bit on the child's age. If as a parent, with very little kid I'd interfere in pretty soon (and battle that battle for or besides of him or her) since I think very little kids can't deal with it yet like olders can do... With an older child I'd perhaps monitor the situation, talk over it and interfere in if it turned so bad that the child seemed to really be suffering from it. Personally I think solving the situation together with the child will learn him or her how to cope with it. But I also think it's finally adults' thing to stop the bullying if nothing else works since children need to be protected. Children need to have a some kind of authority in which to turn to if needed, just like adults would report a rough harasser to police or in some cases for example to their foreman.

About teachers, I'm still for it that I said earlier. I think it's a part of schools' and teachers' job and authority to stop bullying immediately, with help of other people like I brought up earlier. Same goes with work and bosses.

I also agree with someone (sorry I don't remember your name just now) who said that every method doesn't work with everyone. As a pretty sensitive person, I guess this 'grow a thicker skin' wouldn't work with me either, even luckily it never turned so really really bad that my parents would have needed to interfere in things. These people need other methods to cope with it. Depends a lot on your character and personality.


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## Tennessee (Dec 7, 2008)

I guess I will be called "cold-hearted" for saying what I am about to say, but I have been picked on by other girls around school sometimes, and then again I am also on the side of the bully, because I do the same to them.

On the matter of the internet, if you don't want to be bullied through the web, then get off of the internet! I don't understand these kids who continuously go back to chat rooms where they know they will be picked on. It is as if they are looking for a reason for people to feel sorry for them.

As far as real life, if you are being bullied, tell an adult or buck up.


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

Vidaloco said:


> That's the best thing that a parent can do.
> My parents always made me fight my own battles. They gave me the tools to be able to cope with the fights but I knew I was on my own so I chose my battles carefully. I'm sure I was bullied as a kid but I'm also sure I was good at ignoring it or beating the crap out of the kid doing it (that was allowed back then as well as teachers using corporal punishment)
> People are going to have to deal with bullies all their lives. Mommy and daddy aren't always going to be there. They will have to learn to deal with it. Its best if they do grow some thicker skin and the sooner the better.


Well, I wasn't little too long ago. In my hoome town there are still paddles that are used when kids act up. My kids will always be on the list that can be paddled as well...lol. I was the kind of kid that stood up for myself and anyone else I saw being bullied, so I got in some trouble. The thing is that if there are people that will stand up and say "hey you, shove it" they normally back off. If they didn't I had no fear of being a "tattle-tale" either. I would call the teacher over out-loud and let them know that I just got them in trouble...lol. 

I want my children to have the coping skills, but I will also monitor what is going on so that even if they don't tell me I can intervene and talk to my child about it. I also think that there shouldn't be such a fear of going "hey, your kid is say 1,2, and 3. You need to talk to them or I will bring the school into this." It's how my parents had to be with my little sister. She wasn't as thick skinned as me, and was more girly and in drama.


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

TaMMa89 said:


> I also agree with someone (sorry I don't remember your name just now) who said that every method doesn't work with everyone. As a pretty sensitive person, I guess this 'grow a thicker skin' wouldn't work with me either, even luckily it never turned so really really bad that my parents would have needed to interfere in things. These people need other methods to cope with it. Depends a lot on your character and personality.


I agree. There are some children that you can say "hey, this will pass. Laugh at them and so will everyone else." I've had some horrible things said to me, but I will wither be honest and say "well, yea they are telling the truth. You all now know they are a backstabber who will let out all your secrets." or "nope people, I didn't do that." and laugh. I'm from a small town so people know too much. I'll be honest because they'll find out somehow. (my way old ex reminded me of that today by bringing upsomething I thought he knew nothing about)


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## arabchica (Jul 5, 2009)

> Did anyone else hear about a mom who bullied some girl her daughter didn't like? I don't rememebr if this is exactly how it went but it was something like the two girls liked the same boy and the mom of one girl made a myspace pretending to be the boy and was really mean to the other girl and she ended up killing herself.
> 
> As far as ignoring it and getting over it, you have to keep in mind that not everyone is the same and there can be underlying issues that these kids may have. The one's that end up killing themselves could already have some psychological issues and are pushed over the edge by the bullying. You can't tell some people to just get over it. It's not that simple for everyone.


 Yes, this happened in Missouri and the mom that bullied the young girl got a slap on the wrist. This was a terrible terrible thing that should have never happened. To think that an adult would do this how pitiful is that.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

> *Did anyone else hear about a mom who bullied some girl her daughter didn't like? I don't rememebr if this is exactly how it went but it was something like the two girls liked the same boy and the mom of one girl made a myspace pretending to be the boy and was really mean to the other girl and she ended up killing herself. *
> 
> As far as ignoring it and getting over it, you have to keep in mind that not everyone is the same and there can be underlying issues that these kids may have. The one's that end up killing themselves could already have some psychological issues and are pushed over the edge by the bullying. You can't tell some people to just get over it. It's not that simple for everyone.
> 
> ...


That is very disturbing to me. I just don't understand the parent who could think like that. That mother needs to be held accountable.


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## Spyder (Jul 27, 2008)

Vidaloco said:


> That is very disturbing to me. I just don't understand the parent who could think like that. That mother needs to be held accountable.


 
The unfortunate thing is that this behaviour is found to be in adults as much as teens.

How can we expect our children to act civily when we ourselves don't?

I have been to many message boards and some of the stuff I see is appaling and they are NOT kids but 30-40 year old women (mostly) acting like 8 year olds or worse. Taking pictures of their victim and photoshopping them to make that person look stupid. Putting up tombstones with their name on it. Calling them batsh** crazy or deluded and other things.

I know the first thing most people tell you is to not read it but in all honesty if someone was doing this to you can you honestly tell me you would not read a single word? Of course you would.

The purpose is to draw you in to reply so the "pack" can descend upon you and being outnumbered only makes you more vulnerable. I am sure the mods here have seen it mildly here or elsewhere and know what I am saying. 

I sometimes wonder what sort of family these adults belong to and surprising it is often relatively normal so what brings out the worse in us?

I seriously think it is because their family is too normal and unexciting that cause adults to behave like this after all they are hidden behind a username and can throw as many stones as they wish without any serious reprecussions. The worse of these are those that find a victim and stalk them accross the net from site to site. These will post something that will get their victim upset and usually angry. It is often the victim that is then banned for being the "troublemaker" and the stalker looking innocent.


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

Like others I was bullied as a child. Never cyber bullied, but I wasn't on a computer/cell phone so there wasn't really an opportunity for that. There's a couple instances that stand out to this day.

When I was young, like 5-6 years old, I would run around pretending to be a horse (I sure some of you did it too :lol. I neighed, galloped, whinnied, snorted, the whole nine yards. Pretty amusing. This carried with me throughout elementry school and I was tormented regularly by most of my grade. Including my "friends". In 6th grade some kids started harassing of me in English class. What did the teacher do? He laughed with rest of the kids. No one stood up for me. I just sat there trying not to cry. 

Same school maybe a year later. I had accidently ran into a kid earlier in the day. Unfortunately he was one of the "popular" boys and I had poked him with a pencil in the arm when I ran into him. So his friend (at least 2 years older than me) layed in wait for me on the bus. He got up, got in my face, picked me up by my shirt and was yelling at me about screwing with his friend. The bus driver did nothing beyond finally saying "Alright kids time to sit down" a couple minutes into it because he was getting ready to drive off. Seriously? 

In both of these incidences (and there were more like them) the adults did nothing. Or worse they participated in the bullying. It got better when I changed schools, but I was still harassed all the way up into high school. It got better in highschool (after I went through puberty and didn't look so weird), but I never became friends with or dated anyone who made fun of me. That holds to this day. 

My entire school career was filled with this kind of crap. I started school as a happy, hyper, slightly shy but mostly outgoing, smart, normal child. I spent most of my years in school trying to avoid any attention. To this day I war with shyness, meeting new people, even calling people on the phone. I always think people don't like me and I don't let people in very easily. My good friends have spent years telling me it's ok to show emotion to other people, but I spent so much of my formative years doing my damndest NOT to cry when I was hurting that now it's hard for me to show people when I am hurting. I've gotten a TON better but it has been a struggle and constant work and evaluation on my part. In reality this is something that I will always deal with and fight against. 

Probably the only good thing that came of this? I NEVER made fun of anyone. Honestly though I don't think I would've made fun of people anyways. 

I don't really understand what makes people want to hurt other people. Or even how they can be so callous to somebody else's pain. I guess there's a part of me that really thinks that there is something majorly wrong with people who bully others. Like they're missing some essential piece. 

Sorry for the (badly written) book. :lol:


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

> To this day I war with shyness, meeting new people, even calling people on the phone.


Exactly the same as me, to the letter.


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

I was reading yours a couple days ago thinking "Wow, someone else". Did I actually quote you word for word? LOL I always kinda feel like a big baby letting this stuff get to me still. Seriously I'll be 29 in a month and crap that happened when I was 5-6 years old still effects me. Argh, drives me nuts sometimes. 

Incidently my parents were of the "Take it like a man" "Brush it off" "Words can only hurt you as much as you let them" crowd. I don't know if they made it worse or better. I know and knew that they loved me, but it didn't really help when I was interacting with others.


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## savvylover112 (Jul 17, 2009)

I don't think the term grow some thicker skin really would help ignoring it doesn't help I ignored it all and what happened I got a slap in the face and got my head whacked against a desk for ignoring her I have a small scar on my hand from it you wouldn't notice it but it just reminds me of what I went through yes I am a tougher person now but that doesn't mean that I would go through cyber bulling again to be a tougher person and my heart really goes out to the people who get really depressed over things like this.


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

^ I know, my Dad always calls me a wuss for my phone issue! I always make him call people for me :]


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## whitetrashwarmblood (Aug 24, 2008)

I have been cyber bullied, but it never really affected me. If they had something nasty to say to me, then I'd give them a run for their money. I don't really take it personally, and I laugh it off after wards. I do realize though that not everybody is like that, and some people take it very personal.

In grades K-5, I was very much a loner. I was a country girl going to a city school. I had friends, but they felt more like acquaintances. If I was ever picked on, they never had my back or stood up for me. I hated school, even in kindergarten. I remember begging my parents to let me stay home. 

Through 6-8, I started to grow a backbone. In 7th grade I finally found another horse crazy girl to call my best friend. Nobody bothered us. In 8th grade, she went to a different school, but I still had my backbone. I was still a loner, but nobody bothered me. 

In 9th grade, I made new friends and new enemies. I was not popular by any means, so that put me up for being picked on. But I still had that backbone, and so being picked on never evolved into bullying. 

In grades 10-12, this happened...



wild_spot said:


> Funny - As I got older, more confident, and (not to sound arrogant) more attractive, some of the boys actually tried to turn around and be friends. Needles to say I wanted nothing to do with them.


This also happened to me in high school. 
I remember thinking, "Are you serious?" 

I suddenly became much more popular, funny how that goes. I never wanted any of it though. So I was still pretty much a loner with only 2 or 3 very close friends. My friends weren't always so lucky though, but I stood up for them. I may stick up for myself, but I never bullied other kids. But if anyone ever tried to mess with my friends they better think twice because I was not very forgiving. All I had to do was think back to when it happened to me, and needless to say, very few people attempted to pester me or my friends throughout the rest of high school. 

I remember in one of my classes during senior year, there was a junior girl who sat in front of me who thought the girl behind me and the boy who sat beside her were fun to pick on. She always tried to get me to join her. It was annoying, and I'd always tell her to shutup, turn around, and leave me alone I'm trying to work. This was almost an everyday thing. I never really understood why she felt she had to pick on them. 
I'm one of those people who'll say, "whatever floats your boat" to just about anything. I don't care if you wear certain clothes, have your hair a certain way, talk a certain way, what your sexual preference is, what kind of music you like, whatever! It's whatever floats your boat. If that's what you like, and if that makes you happy. Then great, why should I (or that junior girl) rain on your parade?


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

Wild Spot - My boyfriend gives me crap about it too. He's very outgoing and LOVES meeting new people. He started a goose hunting guide service so he could meet new people constantly, LOL. Of all the people for me to be with, right? Glad I'm not alone on the phone thing, next time I'll think of you when I'm gearing up to call someone(ok that might sound weird, LOL).


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## peg4x4 (Jan 10, 2010)

Did'ja read about the Texas mom who tried to(or did) murder one of the parents of her daughters cheerleading rivals.
My mom was a redhead. She said the boys would tease her about her red hair. One day kinfolk from the city came to visit-told her that women in the city DYED their hair to get it that color-So the next time they tried teasing her she told them Oh,your jelous!(sp)


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

I wasn't bullied, but I just wanted to say that I'm glad other people are nervous about calling people. I always thought I was the only one.


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

Lol! We should have a support group, phone phobics!


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## paintsrule (Aug 20, 2009)

wild_spot said:


> Lol! We should have a support group, phone phobics!


 I'd join.


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## Lobelia Overhill (Nov 3, 2009)

In my experience (ie something that happened and not just something I think) anyone who tells a victim of bullying to "toughen up", "shrug it off" or whatever expression they use - is themself a bully and playing the "they need to grow a spine" card as an excuse for their behaviour

If that makes any sense!

No one ever admits to being a bully, when they get caught out they immediately blame their victim and try to make out that the victim was at fault for not having a sense of humour, or being a wuss, or in some cases they even try to claim that their victim "started it"


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## Iluvjunior (Feb 15, 2009)

I have major trust issues I always have. I find it really hard to open up and let people in. With my last boyfriend who I was reluctant to go out with had to talk to me everyday at school until I let him in. Then he ruined it and now I closed back up becasue thanks to him I had opened up a little bit. I was also always teased when I was younger because my hair wasn't straight and I didn't have as good of a smile as other girls. People aren't mean to me anymore because like you guys when 9th grade started my hair was straight I had contacts and I got prettier. I never did let any of them in. Still haven't


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

Hmmm..I guess I may have let bullying affect me some. I always say it didn't, but I have a major shyness issue. It doesn't help that as soon as I am uncomfortable my face turns completely RED! I'm a redhead, so I have a REALLY light complection. Luckily for me I was the kind of kid that would just go home and ride or read, but I guess that might have something to do with me being awkward with most people. 

I can be very outgoing in situations that I feel the other person is uncomfortable in too, but in situations where the other person is confident I just turn red, stutter, and make a complete fool of myself. I guess that would be why every guy I have ever dated was someone I was friends with beforehand. Otherwise there is no way I would have been comfortable with them. 

As it is there are still certain things that throw me off. I was told today that I've gotten much prettier since high school. (this coming froma guy that last saw me around 10th grade) While I was flattered, I was completelyr flustered and unsure of a reaction. He knows me, so he pretty much knew that was how I would be, but it can be so embarrassing.


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## Amba1027 (Jun 26, 2009)

I have phone issues too. I hate calling people. I get so nervous and I pace the entire time I'm talking to whoever is on the phone.


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## ridingismylife2 (Nov 4, 2008)

wild_spot said:


> Lol! We should have a support group, phone phobics!


I would so join xD


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## Lis (Oct 29, 2009)

I'd join that group, I try to keep phonecalls to a minimum. Had a conversation once that lasted 24 secs, not joking as I looked at the phone to check. Just worked up a load of courage to call the insurance company.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

Lobelia Overhill said:


> In my experience (ie something that happened and not just something I think) anyone who tells a victim of bullying to "toughen up", "shrug it off" or whatever expression they use - is themself a bully and playing the "they need to grow a spine" card as an excuse for their behaviour
> 
> If that makes any sense!
> 
> No one ever admits to being a bully, when they get caught out they immediately blame their victim and try to make out that the victim was at fault for not having a sense of humour, or being a wuss, or in some cases they even try to claim that their victim "started it"


I do think your correct. I was raised by a bully (my dad) and learned to either buck up and take it or hide in my room. I took it and learned to give it back. Thanks for calling me out and I appologize for sounding so harsh. 
Just FYI I was voted most friendly in my senior class in HS and was president of my class so I wasn't too much of a meany head :lol:


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

Also I feel uncomfortable if I have to phone someone (excluding my parents and the most closest friends).

Same goes with letting people to come close to me, even I've turned more open recently. Turning more open is also something that needs to be happen, since I'm planning to have a career in a social field, even I think my background can also be something which'd help me to work at that field.


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

Lobelia Overhill said:


> In my experience (ie something that happened and not just something I think) anyone who tells a victim of bullying to "toughen up", "shrug it off" or whatever expression they use - is themself a bully and playing the "they need to grow a spine" card as an excuse for their behaviour
> 
> If that makes any sense!
> 
> No one ever admits to being a bully, when they get caught out they immediately blame their victim and try to make out that the victim was at fault for not having a sense of humour, or being a wuss, or in some cases they even try to claim that their victim "started it"


No, sorry I was never a bully. I always stood up for those who weren't. I am just very practical.


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## drafts4ever (Sep 1, 2009)

*ok so this might be a little long*

I've been bullied and it took me a while for me to get it in my head "The only thing that matters is what I truely think of myself." 

Anyway, I was bullied from about 3rd grade all the way through the middle of 8th grade. Middle school was the worse, elementary school was just me being excluded from silly playground games so I'll focus on 6th-8th grade bullying and it all built up until I had enough in 8th grade. :shock:

So starting in 6th up until 8th grade middle of January I went through it, luckily the school I went to the counselors and teachers and staff were all very supportive and did their best to issue detentions and temp suspensions but still something in me just snapped. At the end of the year long story short the horse I had been leasing for 4 years, my first full lease/eventer/companion and responsibility died of sever colic and the next day at school Mason started at me with all his derogatory horse remarks belittling me, telling people I had sex with farm animals and everything else I did that had to do with horses just hit me hard and I slammed him against a wall and twisted his shirt collar before he had finished his sentence. I growled/screamed/cried at him "My f*cking horse just died!" and punched him in the gut. The school requested my parents remove me for the remaining 2 months of school and my teachers agreed to after school tutoring to finish up. In order for the school to graduate me from the 8th grade I was required daily therapy for the remaining two months and an addition 3 after which I gladly did as long as I didn't have to go back to campus. 

Now, looking back that was the wrong way for me to go and take things and I would have made it through without those actions and I accepted the consequences. If I had the mindset I do now, laughing it all off and come back with a pretty icky question on "and where did you learn all this stuff about horse sex?" and try to turn the tables with a snappy come back would have been great but at 14 it just wasn't possible for me to put myself in that kind of position at the time.  My parents and the school did what they could but kids parents didn't step in or were unable to for some reason and it just escalated. 

Bullying is always going to be around which absolutely sucks. It should but won't always be looked into and/or taken seriously which is awful and right now I think the best thing a kid could have is support. It just sucks and I could through a bunch of pretty language around about it but I won't.


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

I get teased still today... I stutter, which people find amusing...


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

I'm sorry for that, LoveStory. It's so infuriating when people do something like that.


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