# Advice: friend too heavy for horse



## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

Height/build/weight of horse and height/weight of friend? I've tossed my 320# dad on a 1200lb clyde/paint gelding and was just fine (tried to mount from the ground first though D: ). No harm, no foul.

Also depends on what she'd be doing on the horse and how great of a seat your friend has. I know a pony that's more comfortable w/t/c with my 220# *** on him than the little 95-110# girl that leased him, clearly visible.
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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

It's your horse and your livelihood. Don't pussyfoot around, just be a good friend and be honest with her. If she is a good friend, she will accept this with understanding. In fact, a really good friend would know in advance and not ask to ride your horse. I do not even ask to ride horses that I know my weight will put a strain on.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

If she cannot mount without a mounting block, just tell her that to ride, she must mount from the ground. That should eliminate your awkward conversation with her.
I bought my big guy--16'3hh, now OVER 1,400 lbs--for my DH. He was 300 lbs, but has now lost a lot, still he is 6'5" tall and looks great on his horse.
Trail riding stables now have scales. If the guest tops a certain weight they are turned away.


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## kenda (Oct 10, 2008)

The way I see it you have three options:

1. Let her ride, possibly jeopardizing your horses well-being/ability to continue as a lesson horse.

2. Make excuses every time she wants to ride: It's horse's day off, she's been off lately, etc. etc.

3. Sit her down and tactfully explain why she can't ride your horse. I know she's your friend, but that does not give her a right to ride your horse for free, especially when that horse is also a source of your income. Its sad that she's broke, and on disability, but don't let your sympathy for her cloud your judgement on what is right for your horse's health.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Your horse's health is more important than this person's feelings. If you think she's too heavy to ride your mare, then you need to tell her that.

Offer to let her keep working with the horse, but from the ground only. There are always things to be done for and with horses that don't involve riding.

You are NOT obligated to let someone ride your horse just because they can't afford to take real lessons from someone else.


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

The horse is about 15.2 and 1100 lbs, APHA and 17 years old. My friend is probably about 300 lbs. she's an okay rider, but not great. I have seen bigger girls ride so fluidly and smoothly with horses that its not an issue. She's not quite there, though. She simply doesn't get that there may be a possibility that she's too big. No, she can't mount without a mounting block, but that's kind of a cop out excuse. She could use a fence to mount up too. I hope she does accept it with understanding, I just really want to go about this in least-hurtful way possible


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

No, I have made my decision that she can't ride my horse again. It's just a matter of how I go about telling her that. I'm planning on getting some chiropractic work done on her, could the chiropractor maybe suggest a maximum weight the horse can carry?


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

If she really wants to ride, she needs to find a way to lease a horse or at least pay for lessons. Expecting you to be ok with her riding your only lesson horse, which is too small for her and has had issues, for free, is unreasonable.

I too know someone like this, and there is no way I would let her on my horses. My barn owner didnt have any horses appropriate for her to ride either. I encouraged her to come for walks and do ground work.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Tessa, trust me, fat people know they're fat. It's not a surprise. As long as you're gentle with her and lay out your concerns in a manner that is logical and appeals to her intelligence rather than panders to her emotions, she has no reason to feel hurt.

The _very _general rule of thumb for weight bearing is 20% of the horse's actual weight, which includes tack. At 300 pounds, your friend is far too big for your mare based on that criteria.


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## deserthorsewoman (Sep 13, 2011)

I would tell her exactly like you told us. That you don't have the other horses available no more, that your horse has the clubfoot and a history of back problems. 
Can she be of help to you when you work? You could offer her this, it might be just enough to make her feel better. And who knows, she might even consider dieting as her own idea;-)


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I'd tell her simply that she is aging and she can't carry what she used to. You really don't want to put her health in jeopardy. I agree, fat people know there fat. She will understand, although she will probably feel bad. I'd try to give her other options like riding a different horse, even if she has a pay to rent it for a day.
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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Speaking as a big person:

Don't lie or make excuses, tell the truth. There should be nothing worse in telling a friend that she is not a good match for your horse because of her size, than there is saying it because of the fact that she isn't experienced enough, or any other reason.

It is far easier to be honest and matter of fact, than to try and not hurt her feelings. Again speaking as a bigger person, it is no shock that I am fat, I do know it, I don't want you to judge me, but facts are facts, if I picked up a size 10 pair of jeans you would tell me that they wouldn't fit, same as your horse, not the right fit at the moment.


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## deserthorsewoman (Sep 13, 2011)

Oops double post


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

Ya think? I have shared with her all of these details, about the club foot, the lameness years ago, the back soreness, she knows how valuable the horse is to my livelihood. I just haven't suggested that she might weigh too much. I suppose I could offer for her to help. She says she has been dieting for quite some time now. She has cut all sugar out of her diet, no caffeine, no drugs, doesn't ever drink.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Tessa7707 said:


> Ya think? I have shared with her all of these details, about the club foot, the lameness years ago, the back soreness, she knows how valuable the horse is to my livelihood. I just haven't suggested that she might weigh too much. I suppose I could offer for her to help. She says she has been dieting for quite some time now. She has cut all sugar out of her diet, no caffeine, no drugs, doesn't ever drink.


Say her condition has worsened and you really need to be selective of who you put on her. Then tell her she may not ride her any more. Simple as that.
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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Having the criterion be must be able to mount from the ground is not a good idea. I cannot mount from the ground, but that is due to bad knees. And, I would not want a heavy person trying, over and over, struggling and pulling on my horse's back . that's much worse than having them mount politely from a block.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

If she is really attached to the horse you can also offer to let her spend time with the horse on the ground... Barring the horse is being used of course.
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## oh vair oh (Mar 27, 2012)

Why don't you tell her the truth, then support her weight loss? Maybe you can help her work-out in lieu of lessons, make the weight-loss horse themed with lunges, maybe she can jog alongside the horse, be outdoors working out, running wheelbarrows, carrying buckets, cleaning stalls, and the goal is if she loses x amount of pounds, she can ride and it will be a celebratory event! They did it at my old barn. The instructor would have an equine fitness class for her students 2x a week. They would lay out in the pasture with their yoga mats and work out on exercises for their wellbeing and for helping them ride better.


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

Tessa7707 said:


> Ya think? I have shared with her all of these details, about the club foot, the lameness years ago, the back soreness, she knows how valuable the horse is to my livelihood. I just haven't suggested that she might weigh too much. I suppose I could offer for her to help. She says she has been dieting for quite some time now. She has cut all sugar out of her diet, no caffeine, no drugs, doesn't ever drink.


 
This doesn't change the fact that right now she's too big for the horse. I know you want to be supportive. I have a friend who just recently lost 200 lbs. She used to ride horses and at her heaviest she asked me to ride my horse at the time. I told her I did not think it was a good idea and explained why. She was a little hurt but understood. The next week she asked me to start working out with her. Who knows, you might motivate your friend to lose some weight. Tell her if she drops so many pounds she can ride.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Tessa7707 said:


> Ya think? I have shared with her all of these details, about the club foot, the lameness years ago, the back soreness, she knows how valuable the horse is to my livelihood. I just haven't suggested that she might weigh too much. I suppose I could offer for her to help. She says she has been dieting for quite some time now. She has cut all sugar out of her diet, no caffeine, no drugs, doesn't ever drink.


The fact that she herself is trying to make up reasons that this horse would still be ok for her to ride kind of ticks me off. Until she is actually at a weight that is fine to ride this horse, she should not be on the horse.

The horse doesn't care if she's cutting sugar out of her diet. The horse is going to care about a sore back.

Be honest and don't let her make excuses. If I was too heavy to ride a horse I would never try to weasel my way on their backs!


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

Ok, here goes. I'm just going to be straight up and honest with her. Thank you guys, you've helped me work up the courage to do what I know is right, albeit tough.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

It's never easy to deny someone something you know they enjoy, but it's not just her feelings that come into play here, it's an animal's health. That trumps hurt feelings every time.


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## jamesqf (Oct 5, 2009)

oh vair oh said:


> They did it at my old barn. The instructor would have an equine fitness class for her students 2x a week. They would lay out in the pasture with their yoga mats and work out on exercises for their wellbeing and for helping them ride better.


I like! Where do I sign up?

For the OP, I would set a weight limit, based on your horse's size & health, and say that nobody gets to ride if they & the tack are over that limit.


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## toosexy4myspotz (Oct 7, 2007)

Encourage her to help you do ground work to loose weight!!!  I have just started teaching a couple of my horses to ground drive because it means I have to walk to (I got 60lbs of baby fluff to loose). My property is all hills and fairly steep so my walking it behind a horse is hard. You can be supportive by encourage her to loose weight and be more comfortable on a horse by being around the horses. And working with them. Riding isnt everything. People need to learn ground work too.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Why are you afraid to disappoint her. She's not the only person in this world to live with disappointment. Lay it on the line with her. It may provide her with more incentive to lose weight. She may not be clear on what you are saying if you keep dodging the real issue. You are saying one thing and she may be hearing another.


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## Poneigh (May 25, 2012)

good luck telling your friend, i know it sucks but it has to happen!!
I would definitely offer to let her groom the horse and you could offer to let her do ground work with the horse, like doing obstacle courses with your horse on foot or something!


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## deserthorsewoman (Sep 13, 2011)

As I said, I'd explain to her why, using the 20%:rule for your "damaged" horse, more for a young, healthy one. Do the math, her plus tack equals so and so many %.... and, if she is willing, ground exercises as described above, I particularly like the ground driving. If she'll stick with this, she'll be soon at a weight which makes riding possible.


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

Most people I know who are over weight are concious of this fact and tend to feel bad if asked to ride anything that they feel can't support them.

Of course you do find people who consider horses machines and think that since the animal weighs so much, it should be able to cart them around. This could be a sense of denial on her part. 

"I can ride, I cut sugar from my diet"

Well, honey...not to offend, but sugar simply isn't enough if you want to drop a large amount of weight.

At the weight she is now, it not only poses a threat to the horse's health, it poses a threat to her own health. If she is that extremely overweight, she doesn't have the muscling to keep herself on the horse if the horse would do anything spontanious. Good rider or not, you need muscle if you want to sit a rollback/bolt or anything else a horse can do thats out of rythm. I knew a woman who was so grossy overweight that when the horse turned sharply on it's haunches, she just plopped right off. She had to cast her arm with pins and slings and whatnot.

Its not just about weight loss, its about muscle gain. It just won't hurt the horse, it has the potential to hurt the girl. Good for you for putting your foot down and not buckling when she wants to ride. It will keep both parties equally as safe.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Copperhead said:


> Well, honey...not to offend, but sugar simply isn't enough if you want to drop a large amount of weight..


For some reason this does offend, you have no idea why or by how much this woman is overwieght, yes we have a report that a Doctor told her that she was morbidly obese, but we don't know, this just sounds so condescending to me



Copperhead said:


> At the weight she is now, it not only poses a threat to the horse's health, it poses a threat to her own health. If she is that extremely overweight, she doesn't have the muscling to keep herself on the horse if the horse would do anything spontanious. Good rider or not, you need muscle if you want to sit a rollback/bolt or anything else a horse can do thats out of rythm. I knew a woman who was so grossy overweight that when the horse turned sharply on it's haunches, she just plopped right off. She had to cast her arm with pins and slings and whatnot.
> .


I would once again say, assuming a lot again, she COULD by huge because she is an Olympic Shot putter and be a mass of muscle, I know not likely, but still please don't make assumptions on what she can and can't do at that size. The question did not ask anyone to make comments like this.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

In any case, I hope you'll get back to us and let us know how it went. I am now curious.


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## G8tdh0rse (Aug 14, 2012)

I'm not saying the 20% rule is wrong. I'm just saying if you take a 1200 pound horse and go for that guideline...that's 240 pounds. Add rider, saddle and tack and a whole lot of men and many women are way over that.
I read an article by Dr. Deb Bennet that says 250 pounds for almost any horse period. She says that just because a horse weighs more does not mean he was built to carry weight. She uses the example of the thoroughbred, tall certainly and can be heavier but never bred to carry any weight at all. Whereas ponies have carried a lot of weight for their height and size for centuries.


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

Ok.. So would you guys mind reading my email before I send it off? Gahhh I am so dreading this.
To the person who asked why I'm afraid to disappoint her, because she's my friend. Just because its the right thing to do doesn't make it easy. Think about if it were you? It would break my heart hearing that I couldn't do what I love because of something I'm already so self-conscious and insecure about. 

So, here's my first draft of the email.

So, I'm feeling pretty awful right now. I don't really know how to say this, but I'm worried about Breezie's feet and past lameness issues and when the farrier came out to look at her, her back was a little sore. She hasn't shown soreness since then, but I'm kinda paranoid about her because my entire business is riding on her, literally. There's a 20% rule that vets recommend for the amount of weight a horse can carry. A horse can carry 20% of their weight, Breezie is about 1100 pounds. Plus, with her past issues with lameness, I'm just really afraid to risk it with her. You're such an awesome friend and I love hanging out with you! I want you to come out and hang out at the ranch still, there are a ton of things that Breezie could use work with from the ground, like lunging and ground driving. There are other horses out there that the owners have offered to let me work with, and I bet they'd be fine with you getting them out and giving them a good (and much needed) grooming. Please don't be mad at me. I'm really sorry. I'm just trying to do what's best. I'll be out at the ranch all day on Saturday and you're more than welcome to come out. I have lessons at 9 and 1, but if you want to come out and get a pony fix, please do. You're awesome, and I know how hard you're trying, and I know how much horses coming back into your life means to you, and I don't want to take that away from you. I'll talk to you later buddy.


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## deserthorsewoman (Sep 13, 2011)

G8tdh0rse said:


> I'm not saying the 20% rule is wrong. I'm just saying if you take a 1200 pound horse and go for that guideline...that's 240 pounds. Add rider, saddle and tack and a whole lot of men and many women are way over that.
> I read an article by Dr. Deb Bennet that says 250 pounds for almost any horse period. She says that just because a horse weighs more does not mean he was built to carry weight. She uses the example of the thoroughbred, tall certainly and can be heavier but never bred to carry any weight at all. Whereas ponies have carried a lot of weight for their height and size for centuries.


I would tend to go closer to 30% under normal circumstances, based on findings from endurance horses who carried up to 32% over 100 miles without problems.
The 20% rule was just more " convenient" for this case;-)


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

I'm also leaning on the lighter side due to my horses other issues


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## deserthorsewoman (Sep 13, 2011)

Tessa7707 said:


> Ok.. So would you guys mind reading my email before I send it off? Gahhh I am so dreading this.
> To the person who asked why I'm afraid to disappoint her, because she's my friend. Just because its the right thing to do doesn't make it easy. Think about if it were you? It would break my heart hearing that I couldn't do what I love because of something I'm already so self-conscious and insecure about.
> 
> So, here's my first draft of the email.
> ...


I, personally, would not email. I would talk to her. Tell her about the health problems and that, based on the 20% rule, you couldn't risk to lose her as the only school horse. Tell her you would love to have her help you, and how important she would be. But that for now, riding has to go on the backburner unless you get to use somebody's healthy horse. Have her do the math. 220 including tack, for the moment. Make it sound scientific.
But, in person. I would appreciate that in her shoes....


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## callidorre (Dec 7, 2011)

I'm also a heavier rider. Saying it straight out really is the best way. And bottom line, your horse, your rules. I'd also would say that a phone call or in person would be better but be prepared for her to be upset that way. Perhaps not even with you, but with herself and losing an opportunity to ride because of her weight.

The main think I noticed about your email, you never came out anywhere and said that she can't ride your horse anymore at her current weight. You kind of skirted around saying that straight out. She'll need to hear/see those specific words. You said about different things she can do instead, which is great. But, make sure you put in around the beginning of your email that she is not able to ride your horse at this time. Maybe tell her a specific weight limit with tack. Whatever that 20% would come out perhaps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

Agreed, don't email. You're just hiding from her. Be a real friend, step up, and talk to her. No one is saying its easy, but it has to get done.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Tessa, please don't e-mail her. You really need to tell her face to face, or at least via phone call. 

You also don't want to side-step the issue, as you seem to be doing in your e-mail. You need to tell her straight up that you're concerned for your horse's health if she continues to ride the mare. The fact that she's above the 20% rule without adding in the weight of tack should at least make her think.

An 1,100 pound horse shouldn't have to carry more than 220 pounds INCLUDING tack. At 300 pounds, just her own body weight is well above that.


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## Boo Walker (Jul 25, 2012)

Thanks for remembering that your horse is your friend too...


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

I'm voting with those who say that you should talk to her rather than emailing, but I can totally understand why it is difficult to do.

If you decide to email, or even if you talk to her I would make sure that I included something like:

So at the moment I am really sorry to say that you are just to heavy for her to be able to carry you without hurting herself.I really really want you to be able to enjoy riding her again though, and if I can help in anyway in your journey to a lighter fitter you, then please let me know, I so want you to be able to enjoy riding.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Agreed, GH. Be as kind as possible. Not that you wouldn't Tessa, but it never hurts to have others give you suggestions.


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

Ahhh you guys are right. I should be telling her in person. Reading back I supposed I am dodging the issue a bit, I just feel so awful saying "you can't ride my horse because you're so heavy she may injure herself." I suck at stuff like this. I feel like suggesting that I help her lose weight implies that I don't think she's trying hard enough. I only know what she tells me, but she does seem to be trying, she runs every day, she says she eats healthy. 
I know no one is going to sympathize with me on this one, but what makes it so much worse is that I don't even kind of have a weight issue, I'm honestly in really good shape. I'm 5'6" and 130 lbs. My diet consists of vegetables, lean protein, fruit and whole grains, and I work horses all day long. So, I don't know if anyone understands that, but it sucks telling someone they have that issue when I can't even say something like "yeah, I could lose a few pounds too, lets work on it together" no, it's not about me at all, I just feel like its even more awkward because of that.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Tessa, it isn't that she is to big for your horse, but that your horse isn't fit for her to be riding. It's a subtle difference, between the two, but you are so not attacking her because of her size, it is just the case of a bad match. 

There are horses out there she CAN ride, I was 300 pounds not so long ago, and I rode, but I have to face facts that some of my horses I am currently to heavy for, and one I am fine for, and a couple are kind of border line, I'm taking one of those to an assessment on Sunday, to get an unbiased and truthful opinion on our suitability for each other now and ongoing.


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

Good point, ok. Awesome, thank you golden horse.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

It would be hypocritical if you yourself weighed close to what she did and were telling her she couldn't ride, but since you're already at optimal weight I don't see why you think you don't have the right to say something.

Yes, she's working on losing weight and that's really great, but until she gets down to a weight that your horse can_ comfortably_ carry, then she needs to stay off the mare.

Don't let her try and guilt you into it, either. If she has you making excuses, you're losing the battle. Just tell her why you've made the decision, and that you've done it in the best interests of the horse. If she loves horses at all, she'll understand. Nobody who truly has an animal's best interests at heart would continue to insist that they're fine to ride if they're not.


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

I've been following this with interest......my advice: MAKE IT ALL ABOUT THE HORSE!!! I'm not much for twisting the truth to serve my purpose, but in this case to save someone from being hurt I'd say 'upon veterinary and chiro recommendations the horse shouldn't be carrying X amount of weight'.......it's kind of a round about way of getting the message across without being too direct.......


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I totally agree with Muppet, I brought that up earlier. It doesn't have to be about her, make it about the horse!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kayella (Feb 11, 2012)

Some people really don't know any better. A friend of mine who is almost 300 pounds remarked one day that she wanted to ride my 11 hh welsh pony. I just stared at her with a deer in the headlights look. I felt bad riding him when I was 140 pounds, and I wouldn't think about riding him now when I weigh 170 pounds and told her so. If I'm not even comfortable riding my pony, no way is someone almost twice my weight riding my pony. 

I know it's a tough situation to be in. You're between a rock and a hard place right now. But just be honest about it. Don't hide behind an email or anything like that. Let her know in person. "For her safety, I don't think it's wise of you to ride her. She's not in good enough condition or health to support someone your size. Once both of you get to more healthier points in your lives, you may be capable of riding again. But until then, we can just spoil her on the ground." Don't say, "Sorry, you're never riding her again." Let her know there will be a possibility in the future of riding again and that in itself can be motivation for her.


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## GotaDunQH (Feb 13, 2011)

Corporal said:


> *If she cannot mount without a mounting block, just tell her that to ride, she must mount from the ground. That should eliminate your awkward conversation with her.*
> *I bought my big guy--16'3hh, now OVER 1,400 lbs--for* my DH. He was 300 lbs, but has now lost a lot, still he is 6'5" tall and looks great on his horse.
> Trail riding stables now have scales. If the guest tops a certain weight they are turned away.


Actually, mounting blocks SHOULD be used not matter how much you weigh. Pulling yourself up on the horse (and hence pulling the saddle toward you) is not great for a horse's back. I only weight 128 lbs and I always use a mounting block....much better for a horse's back.


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## callidorre (Dec 7, 2011)

Yeah. Using a mounting block is easier on horses backs. And it's no judge of whether someone can ride or not. There's plenty of people who can't ground mount for various reason and weigh much less than me. I'm basically 300 lbs and I can ground mount into my western saddle (never tried it in my english) onto a 15.3 hand horse. I only did it like twice awhile ago and would not do it again near this weight unless there was a really good reason to. Being able to do it doesn't mean I should.

It doesn't matter what size you are. You aren't picking on her for her weight or telling her what she needs to be doing/eating/exercising. It's about the health and safety of the horse. The general idea- "I'm sorry friend, but due to horse's condition (sore back and everything else you've mentioned) I need to limit the rider weight she carries for her continued health. I know this means that you will no longer be able to ride her at this time, but I'm setting a strict weight limit of "blank" lbs including tack, which is 20% of her weight. No one, including myself if it came to it, will be riding her over "blank" lbs............."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phly (Nov 14, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Phly (Nov 14, 2012)

I have a very heavy friend. 400+ and he's the most honest person I've ever met. He knows a lot about horses and I'd never be worried to leave mine under his care. But, he fully understands his weight. He plays softball and plays trumpet in a local band. He's just heavy. He knows right off I don't have a good ride for him. But he has drivin the kids go kart! Honesty, honesty,honesty. I don't know anyone who's ever felt bad about telling the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Actually, I have yet to see the majority of fat people realize just how fat they are, and most of them get rabid if you point out that they need to lose weight.

Tell her the truth, and don't sugar coat it.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Palomine said:


> Actually, I have yet to see the majority of fat people realize just how fat they are, and most of them get rabid if you point out that they need to lose weight.
> 
> Tell her the truth, and don't sugar coat it.


Mmmmm you know friends do try and deliver hard messages in a sugar coat, that's why they are friends, not random internet people with a grudge against fat people.

I KNOW how fat I am, I can see the pics, and you know if you came up randomly and told me I need to lose weight I would go totally ape **** on you. 

from your previous post on this subject



> I too have an issue with heavier people riding and not considering the horse and its well being.
> 
> The area where the saddle/rider rests is NOT supported by the legs, it is suspended between the legs. Same as if I sat on a table in the middle. It is not going to be as strong in that area.
> 
> ...


It is clear that you don't like fat people, so maybe you should stay away from us, maybe it's catching you know:wink:


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## Tracer (Sep 16, 2012)

I've only skimmed through this, but I feel I can/should comment as a heavy rider myself.

I always dread that my weight will negatively impact on a horse. In fact, only recently my friends had to work hard to convince me to have a short walk/trot ride on one of their horses, a 14-15HH Quarter Pony because I kept insisting that I would squash him (which proves, by 'the majority of fat people realize just how fat they are, and most of them get rabid if you point out that they need to lose weight.' that I'm in the minority!).

OP, if you are unsure about being direct, bring up your mares health problems. Say that you're worried about her health and that you want to cut her back to light riding.

But 'direct' would be best. It all really depends on how she feels about her weight. Me, someone could come out and tell me I'm too fat and I wouldn't really give a **** (though it wasn't the case a few years ago). But if she is sensitive, you will need to be careful. I'd say definitely still let her do groundwork, as it could also make good exercise for her to help her out a little. 

It's a shame that you are at such a good weight yourself really, as I know that I am currently in a good place as I have a friend that would like to lose some weight, so she and I are working together to shift the kilos. Just an idea though, depending on how fit she is (because fit and fat aren't always polar opposites), maybe see if she wants to go trail riding on foot, as in you ride and she walks. Compan can really help motivate exercise.


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## TurkishVan (Feb 11, 2013)

Tracer said:


> It's a shame that you are at such a good weight yourself really, as I know that I am currently in a good place as I have a friend that would like to lose some weight, so she and I are working together to shift the kilos. Just an idea though, depending on how fit she is (because fit and fat aren't always polar opposites), maybe see if she wants to go trail riding on foot, as in you ride and she walks. Compan can really help motivate exercise.


I like Tracer's response. This is a tough situation, but if you have to tell her that she cannot ride until she's a more manageable size for your horse, then offer to help her lose some pounds. Maybe the companionship she feels with you is just as attractive as being with a horse? 

Personally, I think you should say something, but don't just close the door permanently. Offer her some encouragement.


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

Golden Horse said:


> It is clear that you don't like fat people, so maybe you should stay away from us, maybe it's catching you know:wink:


I LOL'd :lol: (thinks on this a bit)

:shock: and I'm old too and know for a fact that everyone around me is getting old too!!! GAHHHH it really is contagious!

To the OP, I know it's a hard thing to do but it really is the best thing for both the horse and your friend. I'd offer to do some ground work with both the horse and your friend. Heck, if you have an arena with sand walking both the horse and your buddy is good non-stressful conditioning!


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

DimSum said:


> I LOL'd :lol: (thinks on this a bit)
> 
> :shock: and I'm old too and know for a fact that everyone around me is getting old too!!! GAHHHH it really is contagious!


Hell, I'm off to find a bunch of super models to hang out with just in case


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Just thought of something.....a change of direction. Get her interested in driving. She can help with buying the harness and a cart. Horses take to driving (pulling) like ducks to water. In order to use your horse she has to provide full care when she's out, everything you would be doing, feeding, stall mucking, bedding, picking hooves, etc. The exercise will help tone her muscles. Of course she will have to walk behind the horse to teach him the preliminaries before he's hooked up to the cart.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Saddlebag said:


> Just thought of something.....a change of direction. Get her interested in driving. She can help with buying the harness and a cart. Horses take to driving (pulling) like ducks to water. In order to use your horse she has to provide full care when she's out, everything you would be doing, feeding, stall mucking, bedding, picking hooves, etc. The exercise will help tone her muscles. Of course she will have to walk behind the horse to teach him the preliminaries before he's hooked up to the cart.


I like that idea. And if she can meet up with a person or group that drives, maybe she can work off lessons or gear with them, since money is tight for her.


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## BlooBabe (Jul 7, 2012)

I'm a husky rider as well and was close to 300 when I first stared taking lessons as 14. The trainers flat out told me my butt wasn't going to be in a saddle until it fit in a saddle. It was the encouragement I needed to lose the weight and be healthier. So while you're worried about hurting her feelings it could also encourage her to put a bit more effort into losing it. I've had to turn away a few people before and although it sucked, I had to keep the horses in mind.


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Tessa7707...How is it going with your friend?


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## Foxtail Ranch (Mar 10, 2012)

I would like to add just a slight twist to this. You are a business owner and your horse is your capital. You would have to make this decision about appropriate weight and fitness anyway to screen clients. This conundrum with your friend has prompted you to define your horses current limits. I would talk to her in person about it and share with her what you have decided on this issue based on farrier, vet, and your own knowledge of your horses limits. 


I bet your friend will surprise you with her response. Sometimes our dread of a situation makes it worse. My old friend and mentor who passed 2 years ago used to say "swallow the frog first thing in the morning." He was right about that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tessa7707 (Sep 17, 2012)

Here's an update. We met today and I told her she wouldn't be riding Breezie, that I'm putting her on light duty but that we have a bunch of other stuff we can do. I explained everything with her issues and weight limitations and she took it rather well, and I think I didn't a pretty good job of letting her know it was mostly due to the horse's condition and size. We got to talking with another boarder, who has very fit, healthy, bigger horses and he invited me to go trail riding at this camp/trail head, and he turned to her and asked her if she had a horse. She said no, and he said "well, then, you can ride one of mine" she got so happy, I thought she was going to cry. Until then, we're going to be ground driving, lunging, and a bunch of other stuff. We went over anatomy today, and lunged another horse in the round pen. She got to go out and hang out with horses in the pasture, and she was loving it. So much has been going wrong in her life lately, her cat passed away, which might not seem like such a huge deal, but this cat was her baby, she loved him, and he was diagnosed with cancer and passed away in a period of a couple months, she just found out her boyfriend is seeing someone else, all of her family lives in England. I do think that me telling her she couldn't ride my horse was a blow to her self esteem, even if she wasn't showing it. We did a lot of talking today, and at one point she was just so down on herself and I said "you know, the world is going to knock you down more times than you'd care to count, so don't do it to yourself" we set up a time for her to come out every week and get her pony fix and work with horses. She was in such a great mood when she left. All in all, I think it went well, it was still really hard, but I'm glad it went the way it did.


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

Glad to hear it went fairly well, Tessa.
You're probably right in the sense that it did bother her, she just didn't show it. I'm the same way. I deal with things on my own until I'm really called out or until I explode.
I would let her know, though, that if she does need any help or encouragement if she wants to lose weight, that you'll be there to help her.
Even if you guys take two yearlings for a walk (if you have time, of course, I have no idea what your schedule is like) a couple days a week, that will help.


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

You are a good friend. I'm sure she appreciates it.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

being kind was the best way to go. You got her to understand, and the kind person at your barn was a blessing in disguise. Hopefully she will continue on the weight loss and if she finds food as comfort it will be hard. Offer to go on walks with her, or to go grab dinner once a week, salads etc. I have always had to watch my weight , smell food and gain ten pounds.. lol.. So remember to be kind to her, especially when it looks like she is not dropping a pound. It is very frustrating to 'diet' and not drop weight.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

She will learn that it's not always about riding as she spends more time with horses and learns their individual traits. A friend, who'd nursed her mother during her last six months, was falling in to depression. After the funeral it began to worsen until she could barely function. She had always wanted a horse and they did have an empty barn. One day a trailer pulled into the yard and she met her new horse. She spent hours with it just being with it. Within weeks she felt her heart lighten and she began to partake of chores and feeding. In hindsight she acknowledges that the horse played a huge part in her recovery, how, she has not idea but she's smart enough to not try to figure it out. It just did.


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

stevenson said:


> So remember to be kind to her, especially when it looks like she is not dropping a pound. It is very frustrating to 'diet' and not drop weight.


Also keep in mind muscle weighs more than fat and you do tighten up as you get fitter. To me it's more motivating to keep track of how your clothes fit than judging progress by how much you weigh


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## katievit (Feb 21, 2013)

I know it seams harsh but maybe telling her would be the best thing for her. If she really loves riding and wants to ride then maybe being told that she's too big for your horse might motivate her? 

Perhaps if you word it as ' because of his/her injury and age (horse's name) can only carry a maximum of ...'.

I ride as part of a university club and unless you are in the advanced class (which is maybe 5 out of 20+ people) if you are over about 10 stone (64kg) there are only three horses you can ride. And they simply say you can't ride Marco (or whoever) because he only carrys up to X-amount of weight.


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