# Riding and mental health



## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

Any time with a horse whether in the saddle or on the ground is beneficial for mental health. This John Lubbock quote says it all.
"There is nothing so good for the inside of a man as the outside of a horse." So many great quotes from famous horse people along those lines. It can be seen readily with all of the equine assisted therapy programs that are now around. They help mentally and physically. I'd never be able to afford the amount of therapy I'd need. But a horse in the pasture keeps me sane. Don't have to ride. Just sitting out in a comfy chair watching them graze is enough some days.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

I wonder if it's harder for you to motivate yourself to go visit if you are expecting to do a lot with your horse every time. As @QtrBel suggested above, it's ok to just go visit your horse without riding, brushing or doing anything other than just being together. Have you tried practicing mindfulness? You can do it with your horse. You can also do fun things like teach them little tricks like smiling. 

Other suggestions to motivate yourself would include setting really small goals for yourself each week. Like every Monday, you go visit. Nothing more at first. Then the next time, your goal is to visit and brush, then ride, etc. etc. Can you keep a journal of all the times you go visit? You can even start a journal here, in Horse Forum, and add pictures (we love pics here  )! Where I live, we get awarded prizes at the end of each year if we reach riding milestones so I keep a spreadsheet of the number of hours I spend in the saddle. After each ride, it is very satisfying to put in the time I rode. From year to year, I can also see how the time I spend in the saddle is increasing steadily. Maybe you can even reward yourself for visiting your horse consistently! 

There are others here struggling with anxiety and depression so feel free to post about your visits/ride and how good it feels when you get out there. I think that often, we play movies in our heads (it's such a long drive, I don't have the energy, my horse won't care, etc. etc.) and we just need to rewrite that script (I will feel so good being with my horse, smelling those barn smells, feeling his muzzle asking for treats, feeling that moment when I sit in the saddle again and everything feels right). If you post here about the positives, it may help you rewrite that script and look forward to the next visit even more.


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

QtrBel said:


> Don't have to ride. Just sitting out in a comfy chair watching them graze is enough some days.


I went out for my lesson today and then realized I couldn't ride because Pony had had bodywork the day before and the bodyworker wants them to have the day off the next day.

So mostly I just sat on their roundbale while they ate. It was so relaxing. My mind just shut off and it was just me and them and the sound of hay being quietly eaten. Everything just felt so peaceful. Horses, I think, want to BE, not to DO. When you spend time with them just hanging out, at least for me, the DOing part of my mind turns off and I can just BE, just like them. It's super great for anxiety, in my own experience.


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## NavigatorsMom (Jan 9, 2012)

I feel like you and I are very similar. I often have a very difficult time getting in the car to go see Nav, and he's only about 20 minutes away. Many times just getting in the car and driving is the hardest part for me. To someone who doesn't deal with this it probably sounds so silly, but it just feels like a huge hurdle to get in the car and head to the barn. But probably 95% of the time I feel so much better once I get to the barn and see Nav (that 5% where I don't feel better is usually when I put too much pressure on myself and Nav to do too much). If I feel like I'm in that kind of mood where I just can't do much, I'll just spend time grooming and giving him treats. Maybe lunge if I start feeling up to it, and sometimes I'll even end up riding when I thought I wouldn't. And other days I just end up not going. But I try not to put pressure on myself. If I'm having a bad day and all I can do is go see him for 10 minutes and watch him graze, well, then that's all I do. 

In general, Nav is one of the best thing for my mental health and happiness. Would it be possible to move your horse closer? I know that isn't always feasible or easy. But I do know that when I moved, my commute to the barn went from 45 minutes one way to 20 max, and even though I still have difficult days it's a lot easier for me to drive over there than it used to be. 

I know this is a hard thing to deal with so I really feel for you.


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## ksbowman (Oct 30, 2018)

The most powerful part of a person is mental attitude. I have always had a positive mental attitude and am fortune in that way. I had an old Marine buddy once tell me I was the most mentally tough guy he'd ever met. I took that as a great complement. I've had several friends that dealt with depression and it is a hard battle with some. I wish you all the best and hope your therapist can work wonders with yours.


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## seniorider (Dec 13, 2019)

As Sloane declined I more and more often would just go visit him, maybe some brushing, or grazing on a lead rope in good weather. To echo others, just spending time with horses is enormously beneficial to your mental and emotional state.


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## Milton'sMama (Jan 9, 2021)

ACinATX said:


> So mostly I just sat on their roundbale while they ate. It was so relaxing. My mind just shut off and it was just me and them and the sound of hay being quietly eaten.


That sounds like heaven. I felt myself relax just reading it. 😌

ETA:
I have depression and anxiety, so I totally understand how hard it can be to motivate yourself to get in the car and drive to the barn. Heck, I had my own farm for 20 years and had times I couldn't motivate myself to walk out of the house to the barn to ride. I fed and cared for the horses, of course, but anything beyond that just seemed like such an effort at times. Now that I board, I ride a lot more. My barn is going to switch from full-care to self-care in September, so I'm going to HAVE to visit twice a day to feed the goober. I'm a little worried that those early mornings before work are going to be miserable (especially once winter gets here), but I'm also excited to be my boy's caretaker again. The barn is only 10 minutes from my house, so it's not too bad. 

Interestingly, my BO also has depression/anxiety and she's had some physical issues that have kept her from riding very much over the past few years. She's leasing a lovely gelding now who is a saint, but she's having a hard time motivating herself to ride. She lives on the property and she's taking care of him and her few boarders every day, but she can't seem to muster the desire to actually get the horse out, groom, tack up, and ride. And some of that is because with her physical issues (back and hands, so pretty vital to riding), she doesn't feel as confident, and frankly it's kind of uncomfortable at times. She knows the more she does it the better it'll get, but again, it's getting that motivation to GO OUT THERE in the first place. 

She asked me the other day after I had ridden if I ever don't feel like riding but make myself anyway. I told her that if I can get my breeches and boots on at the house and get into the truck and on the road to the barn, THAT is the real battle. Once I pull out of my driveway I'm ready and I get happier and happier. Once I hit the barn driveway I'm looking for my boy. Once I have him in the cross-ties I've forgotten the world outside of Mr. Horse. And once I'm in the saddle, I'm truly in my happy place. Then, it's almost hard to LEAVE the barn. 

OP, as others have said, don't put pressure on yourself. I spend WAAY more time with my horse out of the saddle than in it. And yes, some days I drive out there, walk into his pasture to feed him a couple of treats and give him a pat on the head, and then go home. It's all about keeping that routine for me. If I get used to visiting regularly, I feel like something is "off" if I don't go visit. And that really does trigger my depression/anxiety. Gotta have my horse time. 

Best of luck to you!


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## marymane (Feb 2, 2020)

I deal with anxiety and depression as well. Dealing with it is all about developing good patterns to follow that you stick to regardless of how you feel at the moment and proving to yourself that there is nothing to be worried about. It can suck but it's kind of like a pushy horse: it may seem easier at first to just let it have its way but it can eventually escalate into a real train wreck that's more difficult to deal with after being spoiled than the first few times the behavior showed up. Fake it till you make it is a legit tactic when dealing with anxiety in particular. At least for me. In the same way we teach a horse not to be afraid of a certain obstacle anymore, we have to train ourselves not to be anxious about particular situations anymore. But the more we avoid them the more we reinforce the idea they're things to be legitimately worried about.

I think part of the problem sometimes is we tend to imagine the worse case scenario and then take it for granted that that's going to happen. You're already thinking before you go to the barn that it will be a somewhat negative experience. I agree with the others that it would be good to just go without any expectation other than enjoying being around Dandy, not asking anything or working. Again, like with horses, reward yourself for an honest try...but continue to ask yourself for more. Just being in nature and watching horses can be very meditative and pleasant.

Working with my horse has helped me this way: I need to be a confident leader for my horse in order to reach whichever goals I have, even if I do not feel confident I must embody it for the sake of my horse and those goals, I begin to pay attention to my body language and what that means to him and my breathing and my facial expressions--I'm not concerned with how I feel about myself but what I'm communicating to him and how what he picks up on will make him respond, and so on. I've become much more confident in myself and proud of achievements and small steps. It's not "I don't feel like I (or we) can do this" but that there is a goal I'd like to reach and will take the appropriate steps to get there. Being around horses teaches me to remove the ego that makes me fixate on these things. And by ego I don't mean "has a big ego" but in the sense I'm more focused on what I'm doing in relation to the things around me than I am thinking about feeling. I'm not thinking about feeling, I'm experiencing the here and now. I believe this has helped me get out of a lot of the mind traps that were causing me so much trouble. Getting out of my head and focusing on who both my horse and myself needs me to be. This "confidence" isn't a natural state for a lot of us, it's a way of being we have to practice. It also helps by thinking I ask my horse to get over discomfort all the time. They're afraid of so many things! And we ask and teach them to deal with that nervousness. Sometimes we have to ask that of ourselves. If I can ask and expect my horse to no longer be anxious about, say, a tarp (or at least take steps to be less anxious about it) then there's no reason I can't have the same standard for myself.

I think for me it's like my mind sometimes tricks itself into thinking it must stay in this safety zone. But the "safety zone" isn't actually a good place to be, it's just an imagined lesser of two evils. "I want to go to the barn but if I do it won't be a good experience, so even though I don't want to just sit here at home, it's less disappointing." or "I'd really like to get [insert thing here] done, but I won't be able to do it, so at least by doing nothing I won't be failing." and so on.

My horse has been sitting for quite some time because of all these mental blocks too. Stuff I've made up in my head. It's too cold, it's too hot, I'm busy, I'm tired, it's raining, what if I mess up? I must do everything perfectly!, what if someone is around to watch me working (hate that), he's been out of work so long he's going to be a pain, etc. There's no end to the excuses I can come up with. I changed my attitude and have been going out there and getting things done and it's been great. It's a much better feeling and much more rewarding and puts me in a better place mentally.

I hope this helps/encourages you.


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## ligoleth (Sep 9, 2011)

Thank you all for the replies. For a bit of clarity, I don't own the horse; it's kind of a leasing situation where I'm assisting the owner with getting him back into work due to her health issues and he's been sitting for some years.


I hadn't thought of just going and spending time with him. Because of the arrangement, I didn't really think of the pleasure side of things, more just, what the end goal was to be. For myself, it's to better my riding. For him, it's getting back into physical and mental shape. I think I should do that, though, because I don't want him to associate me being there to mean only work. 

Maybe I'll groom the other horses while I'm there in the pasture, or the barn.

As a lot of you said getting there _is_ the hardest part. Which is rather terrible as it's not a bad drive, or very long. But it's weird how I have no hesitation or worry when I go to my lesson, but everything when I go to see Dandy.

I think part of it is that there's structure to it and immediate feedback. It doesn't hurt either that the horses are used to being worked and slightly better behaved due to it.

Back when I was younger I worked with a lot of horses that were trained, but also had a lot of quirks, and needed working through on some things. I think it really discouraged me with these types of scenarios because I don't really know what I'm doing, or I don't feel I do.

To combat this I did reach out to my instructor to see if she'd lend me a hand and get me to a good starting point. Our biggest trial with him is getting him to take a bit. I have goals that for safety reasons (going out on the trail), I'd like him to have a bit.

Eta: I had started a journal, but it's fresh with just 2 entries. I'll see about taking pictures of the boy when I'm out next. 









Back in the saddle- life's Dandy


I started up lessons a couple of months ago after some years of not being involved with horses. I found a local place that does lessons for English. My instructor is great. Very patient, explains things so succinctly and she's helped me get my horse legs back very quickly to where I feel...




www.horseforum.com


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

@ligoleth, is there anything you can do on the drive that might be fun or diverting or really interesting, like listen to a good podcast, audio book or favourite music?

One problem with even mild depression is that it affects motivation and energy levels. People who've not been there often don't understand that even some very depressed people actually have very positive attitudes - they're not all doomy-gloomy existentialists or nihilists or negative thinkers or awfulisers. Depression is associated both with negative childhood experiences (not a person's fault) and with higher than average intelligence (which may lead to some realisations others don't connect the dots with - and a realism that doesn't go through rose-tinted spectacles but isn't actually skewed towards glass half empty either). Also excessive work stress, not having a good support network etc.

I think the "just be" part of being near horses, or nature in general, is the best part - not the goal-directed activity. Sometimes we can end up even making our hobbies into work by making them too goal-orientated and too much about achieving, and less about just hanging out. Just spending unstructured time around friends is great - and also in nature and around horses. If somewhere in your brain you think in terms of "I should" blah blah (ride X times a week, progress according to time schedule Y along the list of parameters Z), then the rest of you may say, "No!!! I want to stay home, I don't want more work and expectations and pressure!" even if you're the only one with the expectations.

So maybe just say, "Today I'm getting in my car to listen to this cool thing I've wanted to hear and when I get there I will hang out with the horse, maybe sit in the hay while he eats because it's so soothing to listen to a horse munching away and smell the scents of horse and hay, and I'll see if we feel like doing anything else, but if not - I don't have to ride, I can just brush or just hang out or maybe take the horse for a walk on the lead."

Anyway, good luck. I've got complex PTSD, which seems to stop me going into lengthy or deep depressions (because of the strong survival autopilots it resulted in) but that doesn't mean I don't know what the black dog looks like face to face. Depression is also a normal response to physical illness and grief, and you can even see it in horses under such circumstances (or when horses are socially deprived, locked into small yards day in, day out, treated badly etc etc).

All the best to you.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

The moment I stopped pressuring myself to ride is when I found I rode more. I've had a real bad year - local gang breaking into my house in the night, but managed to escape to get help, getting swiped on my bicycle by a car to barely avoiding being crushed by a horse rolling but still having a bad injury that I'll have to live with for the rest of my life, all the while being let down by people who I thought were my friends. The only constant has been my boyfriend, my pets and my two mares. After a 14 hour work day (which I'm resigning from) I get to the field about 9pm and the moment I see them galloping over my heart lifts. I stick my head under their manes, give them a hug and breathe deep. I'm a very physical person, I hug and kiss all those that I love excessively to the point my mares have learned how to reciprocate  They offer hugs and kisses to everyone now and people's baffled expressions always cheer me up. It doesn't help with physical tiredness, but I feel less weary. I go to bed feeling better knowing they are OK. I had so many plans for riding this year that just fell through and I was gutted at first. What helps take off some of that pressure is having someone come ride/train them once a week. I'd like a sharer but I'm not permitted to give keys to anyone else by the BO, which is fair enough and the other livery helps set the girls up if I'm trapped at work.

I have a riding bag with socks and riding gear. I go to the yard in my work clothes or whatever, with no plan to ride, but I've had more times than not where the urge strikes me and I'll hop on. On real lazy days I change only my boots, saddle up and use just a headcollar. Even if its just to pootle around. If your Dandy is on full livery or something don't just think "someone else will take care of him". That isn't the same as being loved. When my mare was liveried yes she received excellent care and affection, but its not the same. That's _your_ boy. If you're loaning/sharing him, you're like his aunt. Why don't you just forget riding for the moment, and look into ground work sessions or liberty? That relationship will help under saddle. One of my mares _lets _me ride her and it has nothing to do with skill, just trust between us. When I can only do the bare minimum, I groom and take them for hand walks, which I'm sure Dandy's owner should still appreciate? I always feel better that I've done _something_. Meanwhile I have an instructor that helps things keep ticking over. 

Keep at it. We're all in the same boat. It ebbs and flows.


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

In addition to trying to find more joy through changing your approach... I'm just going to chime in here and say, if you're finding a lack of enjoyment and motivation generally in your day-to-day, then antidepressants can be life changing.

I struggled with relatively mild depression for most of my adult life. I could manage it for long stretches if I ate REALLY perfectly, exercised a TON, and basically just tried to carefully manage every aspect of my life. But it's impossible to always keep that up. And I would still get stuck in negativity and navel-gazing, and find myself not enjoying things I used to/should enjoy. And it was exhausting. Then, come winter, it would all get so much worse that I would have trouble motivating myself and lose whole days. It didn't feel like what I thought depression was "supposed" to feel like. So I didn't think I needed to medicate for it.

Then about two years ago, I got fed up with feeling foggy and unmotivated so much of the time. I wasn't "sad," just lacking focus and energy. So I got a prescription for antidepressants from my doctor and have been on them since. Within a couple of weeks, I could focus on tasks without feeling like I was underwater, and was amazed at how much better my life was when I wasn't fighting to do things to get through my day, and when I wasn't constantly anxious about bigger picture stuff.

I've stayed on them ever since because I'm not having side effects, and my attitude, outlook, energy, and whole quality of life really, are so much better on them. If I hadn't gone on them, I might have gone on for years trying so hard to "fix" myself, and feeling like I was failing at it, when really it was just a chemical imbalance.


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## Danneq (Sep 18, 2020)

OP, you have come to the right place. My first major depressive break was in 2011, and I've dealt with several minor and at least one other major since then. I'm in minor one right now. Feel free to Message me if you want to chat in private.

The first thing you should know about the depressive brain is that it self sabotages itself. You know that being around horses will make you feel better, but depression _likes _to be in control, so it makes up excuses for you not to go. They're even valid excuses, which is why it's so hard to figbt. You're already tired and sore. Leaving the house is exhausting. I get it. I super get it. I didn't go riding on Saturday because it was "just too hard." I would've felt better if I'd gone, but my depression successfully sabotaged me, so I didn't. Do not be ashamed if this happens. It is normal. Not healthy, but not something to be ashamed of. It is hard to fight a monster by yourself, and depression certainly fits that definition.

Advice:
1) Talk to your therapist. They can help you come up with coping strategies. You might even be able to set something up where your therapist calls you ten minutes before you need to leave in order to check in on you and give you a pep talk. (My therapist and my mom have both done similar things for me.) Or there might be someone else in your life who could do that. But talk to your therapist either way.

2) Make plans with other people. Do you take lessons? I never miss my lessons because I have made a commitment, and my depression is a monster but it's not _rude_. Do you have barn friends or friendly acquaintances who you could set up a regular time to meet and ride together? Promise your followers on you social media platform of choice that you will post photos from that day's ride. Whatever works.

3) Any chance there's a barn closer to where you live?

4) Keep a bullet journal style logb of good things at the barn. Doesn't have to be long or involved. "Barn smells nice," "lovely weather today," and "did great at flying lead changes" are all acceptable.

Some general life-with-depression advice:
Sunlight is good for you. So it's fresh air. Even if you can't make it to the barn, try to take ten minutes to sit outside. Taking a nap outside always makes me feel just a little better. Try to do one productive thing every day. Even if it's a small thing. There were days when "brushed my hair" fulfilled that for me. It doesn't sound like you're quite as sick as that, but got get my drift. Water your plants. Take out the trash. Dust a bookshelf. You will feel better for having done something.

It's too late (because low and behold, my brain is self sabotaging by making me stay up too late) so I'm not thinking well, we'll see if I have more advice tomorrow.

Feel better soon. 🙂


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## ligoleth (Sep 9, 2011)

@SueC that's a good idea! I normally listen to music because I try to save my podcasts and books for when I'm at work but that's only left me with a backlog of.. Probably a years worth of content.

Thank you. I didn't go to see Dandy this weekend mostly in part because I slept so hard on Friday that I nearly missed my therapy appointment and slept until 5 afterwards. I took that as my sign that I needed a "do nothing week" and just focus on the chores that needed to get done (which I did do and I'm super proud of that - helped me to feel a lot better once they were finished).

@Kalraii you make a good point. The moment I told myself that I wasn't going to go, the more I wanted to go and just do things. Hopefully next weekend will be better; I'm going to try and see if my instructor can come out and give me a head start on where I can improve with Dandy.

@SteadyOn I currently take a medication that doubles up as an antidepressants and anxiety management, but I've found it mostly works in the anxiety side of things (which I initially is what I got it for originally). I'm not sure if I should get something else that pairs well with it or keep on keeping on with what I have. 

Definitely something to talk to my doctor about when I see her next but that won't be for a while, but I could schedule one sooner. I'm just not sure if I'm at a point where it's necessary? But I could very well be diminishing the severity of it. 

I'm so glad you're feeling better though and having a more solid quality of life. I don't think I'd have managed to be where I am if I didn't have something that worked for me, even partly. 

@Danneq thank you, I really appreciate the offer. 
1. I'll throw a text his way and see if he can throw me some coping skills to get through the barrier to just getting me out there. Once I'm there it's all downhill. 

2. I do! Never late or have any issues getting to them, which is why this is so concerning for me. 

I love them and I love what I do and the challenges I face but when I go to see Dandy it's like... The fun of everything is sucked out. 

3. Potentially? They're only 30 minutes away which isn't bad, it's more than doable and favorable considering that I've driven longer for less. 

4. I do have one floating around somewhere. I should get back into it. 

Thank you again! 

I hope everyone is doing alright as well, and I hope the advice posted here helps with their struggles also.


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## Luna’s rider (Jan 23, 2021)

marymane said:


> I deal with anxiety and depression as well. Dealing with it is all about developing good patterns to follow that you stick to regardless of how you feel at the moment and proving to yourself that there is nothing to be worried about. It can suck but it's kind of like a pushy horse: it may seem easier at first to just let it have its way but it can eventually escalate into a real train wreck that's more difficult to deal with after being spoiled than the first few times the behavior showed up. Fake it till you make it is a legit tactic when dealing with anxiety in particular. At least for me. In the same way we teach a horse not to be afraid of a certain obstacle anymore, we have to train ourselves not to be anxious about particular situations anymore. But the more we avoid them the more we reinforce the idea they're things to be legitimately worried about.
> 
> I think part of the problem sometimes is we tend to imagine the worse case scenario and then take it for granted that that's going to happen. You're already thinking before you go to the barn that it will be a somewhat negative experience. I agree with the others that it would be good to just go without any expectation other than enjoying being around Dandy, not asking anything or working. Again, like with horses, reward yourself for an honest try...but continue to ask yourself for more. Just being in nature and watching horses can be very meditative and pleasant.
> 
> ...


Beautiful post.


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## IRideaHippogriff (Jul 19, 2016)

Wow, the responses on here are absolutely outstanding already. Pretty much everything I was going to share has been said already but I'll reiterate some of them and add just a couple more thoughts I have moderate to severe anxiety along with some sort of undiagnosed depressive symptoms (seasonal affective disorder, cyclothymia maybe, simply exhaustion from the anxiety, who knows?) and my barn is 30-35 minutes away, so I can relate.


Find a podcast you love, with a *huge *backlog of episodes, and want to binge, but only let yourself listen to episodes during the drive! On days where maybe the allure of the barn itself isn't enough (or you're struggling with your riding, etc.), this adds something to look forward to.


Do consider scheduling an appointment with your doctor. The "good" thing about having depression/anxiety together (I say that in jest, of course) is that there is such a long list of medications specifically designed for treating both together! The "bad" thing, unfortunately, is that they truly work _so _differently for different people. It can be a long, annoying journey to try other options, but if you find something that truly works for your depression, you will notice a marked difference in motivation. I went through this process this summer after being on a medication that worked almost too well for my anxiety but really started to make me numb and indifferent, and since I switched going to the barn has been much easier.


Is there anything else going on in your life that is making it challenging to be truly "present" at the barn? For example, I'm in grad school and I would constantly be thinking about all the work I had to do when I got home. What I actually did during a particularly busy time was reduced my days at the barn by one and used that day to just focus on getting schoolwork done. While it seems counterintuitive, it made my days at the barn where I didn't have to worry about doing work when I got home way more enjoyable, and made me look forward to the days I went to the barn since I enjoyed them more, so I didn't take nearly as many days off from going.


And this one has been the most difficult for me, but does make a difference: if you ever feel guilty or ashamed for skipping a day (assuming you're in full board, of course!) catch yourself having those thoughts or feelings and challenge them. Mental health is no joke and if you need a day, you are taking care of yourself and there should be NO shame in that. In fact, it will make you a better partner for your horse the next time you do go.
Just my two cents! Hang in there!


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## ligoleth (Sep 9, 2011)

Thought I'd give an update and a thank you to everyone. 

I took a weekend to myself to relax and recenter. 

I changed when I started taking my medication from morning to evening and that's been making a very positive change in that I can take it more consistently (I don't know what it is about mornings, but man). I've also been trying to take the time to listen to content I've wanting to do so for a while. 

The biggest thing I've done is sit down and take care of myself and listen to how I'm feeling. I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and shove a lot of things on my plate and then overwhelm myself because of my own hubris. 

How this relates to horses is that this kind of stuff effected how I saw Dandy. 

I knew there was something going on; I knew that her probably be too much horse for me to handle in his current state. My instructor kind of solidified those things for me when she pointed out how stiff he was (he couldn't flex at all, and you could physically feel the tension in his neck), and that his behavior (rearing on the ground) was dangerous. 

This was also brought to a head when he ended up rearing with me on him as my instructor tried adjusting the girth by one because he had puffed so much, that the current tightness was not safe. 

No one got hurt; my instructor got a bit of rope burn but some baby powder made it a non issue. 

We're really, really hoping it's a medical issue because he's a sweet horse, he's wonderful. But in his current state, he's too dangerous for me to handle and it's a shame.


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

@ligoleth, I'm sorry that the riding isn't going smoothly for you at the moment. I think when you're down in other ways, the last thing you need is to get a serious physical injury on top of it, so I think it's wise to back off this horse for riding purposes, at least until his issues are sorted, if they're going to be. Do you want to hang out with him, just for on-ground horse therapy and hobnobbing, or maybe look for a different, safer riding opportunity?

It's great that you are learning to listen to your own feelings to help you take care of yourself. Somewhere along the line, a lot of people were taught as children (often inadvertently by adults with similar problems) to ignore their own emotions and to push past their own healthy limits, in order to fit in, not make a fuss, receive approval for their work ethic etc. So I kind of think that you're probably condemning yourself incorrectly for having hubris, when you've probably just got this inbuilt "computer programme" from your early conditioning that says you must must must work work work and you must get it done in totally unrealistic amounts of time. I think most adults have unhelpful "computer programmes" on board from their social conditioning, that it becomes important to uncover, challenge and re-programme with how you'd prefer to do it.

You're not to blame for your early conditioning - just responsible for challenging and de-bugging it so that you can have a better, happier life. I learnt that it is a mistake to personalise various bits of conditioning, or having thoughts and feelings we don't approve of - those things aren't "us, by choice" if you get what I mean, they're things we have to deal with that are often hard to change. If we beat ourselves up over our imperfections, that actually makes it much harder to shift those imperfections, because we become so drained and self-loathing. It takes energy and self-compassion to change the way we do things.

Yours in the human condition

SueC


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

I too struggle with a combination of depression, anxiety, and PTSD - but I, like many, am so incredibly fortunate to benefit from the interaction with horses that I am blessed to own.

My biggest obstacle to getting out and enjoying the time with my horses is also the car ride - while in college it was about a 45 minute drive (pending the weather, sometimes longer) and now we've gotten it down to a 20 minute drive having the horses closer. It doesn't seem like that large of an obstacle, but sometimes it's comparable to Mt. Everest in my mind. I am fortunate to have a SO that is able and willing to stick me in the car and get me out there - he knows horse time is the best thing to clear the clouds in my head, even if its just to groom and give treats. Do you have anyone in your life that would be willing to tag along with you to go out and see Dandy, if the only thing you do is groom and spend some time with him?

If he's not rideable right not, are you able to still spend some time on the ground with him? If not, have you explored alternative horsey-options? Getting involved in your local equine community, whether it be volunteering at a therapeutic barn, horse rescue, or horse show, could be really great to meet people and be around horses more often - building more connections may help you find a better riding match while the owners of Dandy get to the root of his issues. I've also seen a lot of free lease type posts in FB groups for people that just want to be around horses too.


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