# In need of a quote



## filly05 (Nov 11, 2012)

I'm searching for a quote to put on a plaque at the base of a custom sculpture I'm having done for a rescue I lost after 6 weeks that I named Bella. She had been abandoned 4 years ago without vet or farrier care. When I found her, her body condition was a 2. She could hardly walk due to lack of hoof care and wanted nothing to do with people. I couldn't walk away knowing she wouldn't have made it through the year. I acted quick and had a vet out the next day to do a full blood panel. In 2 days I got the results back, she was anemic and her liver enzymes were low but she was clear of diseases so I took her to my friends private boarding facility where she could have a private turnout. The vet had found a lip tattoo and we were able to identify her as a 16 year old thoroughbred named Sweet Pocket. She was bred in Oklahoma, never raced and sold at the Texas Fasig Tipton sale in 2001 for a mere $900. 

I was out there nearly every day to brush her. She was started on a slow refeeding program approved by the vet, slowly adding supplements to aid her digestive system and weight gain. Within a week, she began nickering at me when she saw me. Barely able to walk, her eyes would follow me with the most amazing loving gaze wherever I went. She even let me snuggle next to her when she would lay down. Within the first month, she had her feet done, teeth, fecal sample, and due to her weight she was only started on one vaccine. She was sore after the first trim but within 2 days she was moving more normal than before. Her teeth had hooks along both sides of her mouth that were piercing her gums leaving open sores everywhere. Her fecal sample came back clear however. 

About 2 weeks into her recovery she had a nasty abcess blow out her heel, then blew out the coronet band a couple days later. Because her feet were so bad and she was so weak, it was impossible for her to stand long enough to wrap her foot properly and I wasn't able to wrap under the foot, only around the coronet band. Once most of the abcess had drained, the vet said to leave it unwrapped as it was rubbing and making her sore. I was only to keep an ointment on it to try blocking the bugs and dirt. The abcess was starting to heal. The day before it was officially 6 weeks of having her, we saw the hoof was beginning to separate at the coronet band where the abcess blew towards the back. The vet said as long as it wasn't half her foot and she didn't appear to be in any extreme discomfort that she would be fine, it wasn't uncommon for this to happen after an abcess blew out the coronet band and we'd just have to wait for the hoof to grow back out. So we let it be. The following day I got a call from the barn as I was leaving work, the foot had gotten much worse. The hoof was now separating at the coronet band from the heel to the front center... Half her foot was falling off leaving an inch gap every time she'd take a step forward, still not appearing to be in any significant pain. I called the vet out for an emergency. When she got there she said it could be fixed but she'd need to block the nerves in the foot and cut off the dead portion. She'd need to be on complete stall rest for the next 4-6 months. However after sedation and blocking both front feet, she was still not able to pick up the foot. She decided to do x-rays, at that point indicating it was not looking good. The x-rays showed founder that had occurred 4-5 years earlier. The coffin bone had been deteriorating for quite some time as you could see bone fragments floating around, giving the x-ray a cloudy appearance. The bone had also rotated over 30%. The vet kept stating over and over how she didn't understand how she seemed nearly pain free and completely happy. She explained that the founder had been ongoing for so long and was so chronic that even after spending months at an equine hospital with a foot cast, she likely would not have made it. She recommended that Bella be euthanized. 

I had multiple friends there that night supporting me through this. One of the hardest decisions I've had to make. After only 6 weeks, this horse meant so much to me and was even helping me through a difficult point in my life, but I couldn't save her. The vet gave me time to say goodbye while my friends helped her load everything back in her truck. I cried so hard, wrapping my arms around her neck and apologizing for what was about to happen. She was coming out of the sedative by that point and I was giving her handfuls of treats. 

When the vet was ready and I was as ready as anyone can possibly be at that point, I think Bella knew something was wrong. Such a normally calm horse, she became panicky. The vet sedated her once more and it had absolutely no affect. Within 5 minutes she sedated her again. Once she started to doze off, the vet inserted the catheter and took her from me. I had witnessed this before but never one of my own and I needed to watch for my own closure and to be with Bella until the very end. 

It had been storming all day but at the very moment the vet began that first syringe, it started pouring harder than I've ever seen. At first I thought it was just me becoming aware of the rain but I found the next day I wasn't the only one who noticed it. After 2 syringes, Bella went down gracefully as if she was laying down to take a nap. The vet kept checking her for what seemed like an eternity as she lay there gasping for air. She was fighting it. The vet quickly rushed to her truck to grab a third syringe. 

It is very difficult for me thinking Bella did not want to go. She was so happy and fought so hard. She had made great progress in weight gain and this was the last thing I thought would happen. I thought she was in the clear. 

There is a huge void in my life from a horse I only knew for 6 weeks. A broken down horse that had been unloved and forgotten about for so long, yet she became the most loving horse I've ever met. 

The sculpture I'm having custom made will be a full-bodied running horse using her mane hair as they do for other horsehair pottery. I specifically wanted a running horse as that's all I wanted to see her do again, run in the pasture with the other horses. I am looking for a shorter quote to have inscribed on a plaque that I can attach to the base of the sculpture. Please share any suggestions you may have.


----------



## filly05 (Nov 11, 2012)

The last picture really shows the progress she made in weight gain, it was just after a bath so she was wet and you can hardly see her ribs.


----------



## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Hey F5, I have no suggestions right now but just wanted to say how sorry I am that your story had this awful outcome, when you were hoping all along you could get the horse back to being a healthy, happy creature. :-( It's terrible going through these sorts of experiences where you're helpless to do anything to help a horse survive and thrive. We've been there too many times in our lives.

All I can say is that from your own perspective this will have been worse than from the horse's. As far as that horse was concerned, she had been through hell and then nice people came along and things changed, and she could fill her belly again and not be hungry, and she was treated with kindness by a person who was a constant ray of light for her in her last six weeks of her life. When she died, it wasn't prolonged or in agony, thanks to you guys.

So you gave her all that. And though of course you wanted to give her more, you gave her as much as you could. I think it's great that this poor mare had happier days before she died, thanks to you. And I don't think she realised that the anaesthesia was going to be permanent - many animals fight general anaesthesia before operations (indeed, I found I did it myself).

Losing a horse hurts, especially when it's a battle like it was in the case you experienced. Certain images get burned into your mind, and it takes a good while to balance them with happier images from better times, and to accept that the end was just the end, and though it looms large in our memory, it was a small percentage of the good times we had with a horse, and a horse with us, even if that was only six weeks.

I wish you all the very best in this difficult time. :hug:


PS: Here are three poems friends of mine sent me when I lost my (also grey) mare last year. Maybe they will help.



*A Prayer For A Friend*
_ (author unknown)_

Never think of me as dead
For I have but gone on ahead
And the love you gave to me
I will have eternally
Keep me always in your mind
By loving others of my kind
Do not linger long in grief
But carry on in this belief
That when it´s time for you to come this way
I will be waiting for you on that day.



*Don’t Cry For Me*
_ (author unknown)_

Don't cry for me now I have died
For I'm still here, I'm by your side
My body's gone but my soul is here
Please don't shed another tear
I am still here, I'm all around
Only my body lies in the ground.
I am the snowflake that kisses your nose
I am the frost that nips your toes
I am the sun, bringing you light
I am the star, shining so bright
I am the rain, refreshing the earth
I am the laughter, I am the mirth
I am the bird up in the sky
I am the cloud that's drifting by
I am the thoughts inside your head
While I'm still there, I can't be dead.



*PLUTO*
_TJ 2003_

Where do White Horses go when they die?
Do they become clouds, invisible wind,
Mists that rise beyond water?

Do their hearts become suns, great stars,
To warm another planet? A world free,
Set free, for horses to dance in the sun.

(Once upon a time a little girl read a story,
Where white horses danced in the dark
Beneath the sun's reflection.
She dreamed.
Of white horses dancing, of white horses
Prancing for the love of the Dance. Free.

Once upon a time she dreamed.

In the dream she danced forward between
Two white horses, leading them into a field
Of long sweet grass.
Behind them swept the arms of home,
A stable filled with warm light hay, and portraits
Of great White Horses.)

Where do White Horses go when they die?
Do they become warm light, a flower's edge,
A tuft of sweet grass beside water?

Do their eyes become worlds, great planets,
To see another living? A life free,
Set free, for us to dance in the sun.


----------



## filly05 (Nov 11, 2012)

Thank you so much. I've been searching fora quote that kinda hit a nerve (in a good way) and that first one is perfect. I know the don't cry for the horses poem from when I was a little girl but it was too lengthy to put on a plaque. 

It has gotten easier but there's still a void that I imagine will never go away. I have my other 10 year old mare that I rescued as a 2 year old so I've been trying to spend more time with her. We compete in the summer in pleasure shows but I haven't even really had interest in that after all of this.


----------



## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

I like the one from Winnie the Pooh:

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. but the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. i'll always be with you.”


----------



## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

filly05 said:


> Thank you so much. I've been searching fora quote that kinda hit a nerve (in a good way) and that first one is perfect. I know the don't cry for the horses poem from when I was a little girl but it was too lengthy to put on a plaque.
> 
> It has gotten easier but there's still a void that I imagine will never go away. I have my other 10 year old mare that I rescued as a 2 year old so I've been trying to spend more time with her. We compete in the summer in pleasure shows but I haven't even really had interest in that after all of this.


That is completely normal. I felt like the moon had been removed from the sky when I lost my mare after 31 years with her, and it took me a couple of weeks to get in the saddle again, even though I was already regularly riding her "work replacement" - who also lost his best buddy when she died. So we just hung out informally in the paddock together for a while each day, sharing that grief. He was very grumpy with his other herd mates for a while and isolated himself for a number of weeks.

It's best not to force yourself to do the things you normally enjoy, but just give yourself space. You'll get back to all that in time. Meanwhile, eat well, go for walks, be good to yourself etc. That's what I had to remind myself to do, and it really helps, because grief carries with it some pretty bad biochemistry (stress hormones, lack of sleep etc) which can be alleviated with good nutrition, gentle exercise, getting in the sun, etc.

I'm glad you found the first poem useful, though it's still going to be a bit of effort putting that on a plaque! ;-)

Take care, and be well.


----------



## DieselHorse (Jul 29, 2014)

Bella, You made a difference in my life and have touched my soul with your love. Having you has forever left your hoof prints on my heart. 

What an amazing story! Bella was blessed by you giving her a chance. You gave her the ultimate gift by loving her and she knew it. Thanks so much for making a difference for Bella. She is now running free knowing that she has a forever friend. I know how it hurts to lose a horse. I had to let my rescue Pepper go due to laminitis that came back with a vengeance. She too got to finally feel loved when we found each other. GOD Bless You.

Kevin


----------

