# Young Boarder?



## Mkat (Sep 6, 2016)

I have a young lady who just started boarding at my facility. Most of my boarders are 30+ so was wary of bringing in someone so young (18). I have worked with board (she pays half twice a month) and didn't charge her extra when her horses needed a weeks stall rest after an injury. Shes a college student paying her horses way (besides vet bills by a co owner). Now shes been fine so far besides I have started noticing her not cleaning up after herself and otherwise being careless. Last night I came out to do evening feed and barn check to find the whole place lit up like a Christmas tree a pile of poo In the center isle and boarder tack room unlocked. I sent a text to her saying that this was unecceptable if shes going to come out she needs to clean up her mess and make sure lights are out and every thing is locked back. She responds immidatly with an excuse that she had tonget back to campus and couldn't be bothered no apology or affirmation that she won't do it again. I am kind of at a loss on how to deal with this issue. Its not only rude its disrespectful to me as well as my other boarders.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Kick her to the curb. If she can't be bothered to apologize and make things right, then you don't need or want her in your barn. You can only be taken advantage of if you continue to let it happen.


There are plenty of _respectful_ young horse owners out there who would jump at the chance to have her gig. Give her whatever notice you've set up in your board agreement, and stick to it. 


As Maya Angelou said, 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them.' She's shown no remorse at all, and if you continue to let her stay she'll just keep pushing the envelope.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

Yeah, I used to be at a barn where people, including instructors, were very lax about sweeping the aisle, picking poo from the arena, or putting away jumps when not in use, and it drove me a bit nuts because I had grown up assuming that was the "etiquette" at all barns (though overall that barn was great, particularly the horse care). And to be really honest, since no one else seemed to bother cleaning up, I started wondering why I was taking the time and got a little lazy about it. 

I moved to a barn where the etiquette is very clear and all the boarders take it very seriously. When I got my first tour from the BO, she went through the barn rules, and mentioned that a _former_ boarder behaved like the young lady you're describing and she was asked to leave- the other boarders cared so much about the rules they couldn't tolerate the bad behavior and the BO was more interested in keeping her 20 long-term, respectful boarders happy than constantly having to remind someone who couldn't be bothered to take care of their own mess. If your new boarder doesn't seem to get that you take this seriously after your text, then you may have to ask her to leave.

I don't think I'd attribute the behavior solely to being young- I know plenty of very responsible, conscientious young horsepeople who would never act that way (there is a 15 year old at my current barn who leaves the area pristine after working with her two horses). Sounds like this is a personal issue with appreciating the rules of your barn.

For the record, I easily got back with the cleanup program as soon as I was back in an environment where people cared about it :wink:


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## ApuetsoT (Aug 22, 2014)

To play the devil's advocate, communication can be misunderstood across generations, especially through text. Maybe she didn't exactly say "I'm sorry", but how she worded the rest was in her own way. I often won't say sorry because it's usually a meaningless word. Instead I may explain what happened and make a mental note to avoid something in the future. I left the hose running a while ago and flooded the tank. My response was "Oh no, I completely forgot". Now I set alarms on my phone. Kind of like the "thank you"/"no problem" paragram. 

If you are preoccupied it is easy to forget little things. I've left lights on when it was bright enough out that I forgot they were on. I forget to lock my house door all the time, and a pile of poop is a simple out of sight, out of mind. It's exam time in some places, maybe she's stressed out about that.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Apuesto, an apology can do wonders, and there's no excuse for her blowing off the BO's concerns. Stress is no excuse, and if she's that worried about exams then maybe she shouldn't be at the barn when she should be back at the dorm studying for finals.


Her only answer was, 'I had to get back to school.' Nothing about she forgot, she won't do it again, and she's sorry for the inconvenience and mess. That's entitlement, plain and simple. MY life problems are more important than YOURS, is how her response comes across.


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## ApuetsoT (Aug 22, 2014)

But we don't know she blew off the OPs concerns. All we have is a biased paraphrase of what was supposedly said. Saying what she should he saying doesn't change what has been said or what her approach to linguistics is. 
Stress doesn't have to be something she can do anything about, like an exam she's already written but is concerned about. Or she could be cerebral person who gets caught up in their thoughts easy. People say there's no excuse to forget things, but you don't exactly choose what you are going to forget.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Did you not actually_ read_ the OP's post? The only response she got was, 'I had to get back to campus'. Nothing about being sorry about the mess or even 'OMG, I forgot because I'm so worried about exams!' Nothing, nada, zip.


Regardless, it's the OP's barn and she doesn't have to put up with someone not pulling their weight, especially since she's given this girl a sweet deal. I'd think the boarder would be MORE inclined to make sure things are right instead of just blowing them off.


If she can't manage her time correctly, then maybe she needs to stay on campus and attend to her studies, instead of leaving a mess for someone else to clean up and costing the BO extra money.


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## Mkat (Sep 6, 2016)

Yes here is my paraphrase


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## carshon (Apr 7, 2015)

I would post or send a formal "warning" to her and advise that a barn rule has been broken and if it continues to happen that she will be asked to leave.

This takes out the casualness of a text and makes it a formal statement. A text can be seen as a request and not a demand. And once it is on paper it is undisputable.


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## Mkat (Sep 6, 2016)

I honestly wouldn't have been so upset of I didn't feel like I had just been blown off like it didn't matter. This isn't thr first time she just brushed off cleaning up after herself.


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

It sounds like to me they don't care. They don't care that they left a mess like that, etc. A simple apology would've been nice instead of an excuse.
I'd also kick her to the curb- warn her she's on thin ice at least, something. You shouldn't have to deal with that, either should your other boarders. Board is not cheap. People need to clean up after themselves.
At my barn, we are all responsible for cleaning up after ourselves, especially poo. Can't just leave it. Your horse poos? Scoop it up before or after you ride, up to you, but don't leave it.

The age doesn't matter, young + older people can be like that, but personally I'd ask her to leave. Seems like she has excuses. We all have lives, school/work, etc...don't make such a mess if you can't clean it up! Just my two cents.
ESPECIALLY if this is not the FIRST time she's blown you off/acted like it's nothing, yes, she should go.


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## ApuetsoT (Aug 22, 2014)

I clearly stated I was playing devil's advocate. The whole point of a da is to present alternative views.

The OP didn't say, this is exactly what she said. We couldn't know that the boarder wasn't being unfairly misrepresented. OP did present the full text, however, so that does clear things up. The boarder did say sorry though, which wasn't stated(and also demonstrates my opinion on the meaningless nature of the word). We also weren't told this was repeat behaviour.

Is the boarder disrespectful and lazy? Yah, she may very well be. It's always a good exercise, though, to consider alternative view points and what may drive an individual's actions. Especially when they are not there to give input themselves.


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## cbar (Nov 27, 2015)

I have zero patience for those who aren't responsible - I get if it happened once, however if this is a repeat thing with this girl I would not put up with it. I would give her a written warning (a repeat of the barn rules). If she does not abide by them, then that is grounds for asking her to leave. I'm not sure what your contract is like, but I would be so ****ed if I had stable and someone left it a mess all the time. HUGE pet peeve!!! 
Especially leaving lights on...that costs money and really gets my blood boiling!


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## edf (Dec 20, 2013)

I know I have forgotten a few things at times- I swept up myhorses poo, even had it in a shovel, but at the time, myhorse couldn't be left on cross ties alone yet for me to walk it to the pile, so I set the shovel filled with poop out of the way. Did what i did with my horse... and went home... out of sight, out of mind. I realized when I got home I left it. I felt bad, but someone else took care of it. For me, if I don't take care of something right away, there is a chance i'll forget- I will admit I am a bit scater brained. Nothing was said to me, but now I make sure to take it to the pile right away ( my horse can be left alone for the short time to walk it to the pile now)- or just sweep it out of the way but have it in sight, like right by my tack box so I will see it.

Point is- if this is the first time, maybe she just didn't think much of it. It doesn't make it right. I would tell her it is not acceptable and the time needs to be made to make sure place is cleaned up and lights are off. First time can be an accident- if it happens again, then I see it as a problem.

I respect this is your place. But that is how I would handle it. Sometimes crap happens, and while I would have replied differently had I been the young boarder ( apologizing better), maybe it was just a bad day where nothing went right for her. If its just a one time deal- ok, but if its continuous, its def an issue. From a boarder's perspective, if I make a mistake for any reason, i'd rather be talked to about it and given another chance and not booted right away. ( now, if it was something extremely major like lives depend on it, that would be another story)

Good luck.


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## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

I wouldn't kick her out but I'd make sure she knew her Mother wasn't here to pick up after her.


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

Probably a formal, written (and dated) _final_ notice is the best way to go about this especially as you noted that this isn't the first time. I read a bit of (justifiable) resentment in your original post probably because you have done so much more for her than you've had to do for the other boarders. 


Sorry but 18 years old is not exactly a mature age and _you are not her parent_. Time for her to step up and become the adult she thinks she is. I work with a lot of kids with horses and even the 18 year olds consistently forget to do simple things like check water buckets, sweep floors, turn lights out. all of those things we adults do automatically cause mom's not around to nag us! 


Also make sure a set of barn rules is posted in a prominent spot. That way there is no question as to what is expected.


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## Jan1975 (Sep 7, 2015)

I'm spacey and I can see myself doing something dumb like leaving a light on. However, if called out on it, I'd apologize profusely and feel horrible. I don't think it's the fact that she left the mess that's such an issue as is her flippant attitude about it. I agree w/ Chasin Ponies--time for something formally written up so she knows she's about to get the boot unless she grows up.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Young people have a different style of communication via text, and it can be hard to interpret. What it appears to be might not quite what it is. So if I were in your shoes I would talk to her face to face before making any decisions.

I do get the sense that she doesn't know how to act like an adult. One of the big differences between adults and children is that adults have learned how to negotiate socially via indirect hints, tone of voice, and an acquired experience of how to harmoniously blend with the situation they find themselves in. Children need a lot more overt communication. 

Communicating with an adult (apologetic regretful voice): "I know your schedule can get difficult sometimes, but I did have to clean the mess you left two nights ago, I hope you'll be more careful in the future." This is straightforward but for most adults is still tolerable socially, allowing them to apologize and resolve not to let this embarrassing conversation happen again. You are minimizing and excusing their behavior to help them save face (an adult would be aware that the conversation is uncomfortable for you and you wouldn't have initiated it if you didn't have repeated incidents on your mind). 

Communicating with a child: ""Cleaning up after you leave, and making sure all is the way you left it, is extremely important here. I've noticed on a number of occasions that you've been sloppy. That has to stop, if you are going to continue at my barn." Said not in anger but like a schoolteacher with a wayward student. 

It took me awhile as a new parent to realize that children don't get social hints nor nuance and their feelings aren't hurt by bluntness if it is clear and fair. 

That's my take on it anyway. She's acting like a child, talk to her like a child, and see if things don't improve. If she doesn't change after clear communication is made, then she isn't a child, she's just a jerk, give her boot.


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

I would just tell her point blank, "It's not the first time that lights were left on, messes were left behind for me to clean up, and there is a lock on the tack room is there for a reason". "Lock it when you leave". And then tell her the consequences if it keeps on happening. I would just tell her what the requirements are and anything else is disruptive to the rest of the boarders and yourself and you will not let that happen. Once you say it, the rest is up to her.

I would want an apology too. Not for the sake of an apology but to let me know that you understand this is creating a problem and you are sincerely going to make an effort to not let it happen anymore, no excuses.
I disagree with the word sorry being meaningless, it's only meaningless if you make it so as in the case with this girl.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

So, a few days have now gone by since you originally posted of this issue...
So have you resolved, spoken with the young lady in question or still having a ongoing saga....

I did not comment before but read everyone's thoughts....

My thought is you have more of a "adult" atmosphere where conscientious adults who clean up after themselves is the norm and you as B/O are accustomed to that respect of your property and your boarders space and rented horse accommodations.
Maybe this young lady just is not a good fit if she can't "fit in" with your boarding clientele and the responsible actions they do of their surroundings.
She may not be a "problem" but if she is the "odd-ball" then she is a problem for you and could rock the boat and cause others disharmony which in turn can cause a exodus of paying boarders...
:think: :think: :think:....much to think about and consider.

:runninghorse2:...


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## PaisleysMom (Feb 22, 2017)

If this was a first offence, I might let that slide. Definitely make sure that she knows what the rules of the place are, especially just the common sense rules of “clean up your own mess.” 

We have a 14 year old girl that sounds just like your boarder who is leasing a pony in my barn. Her worst offenses are usually leaving her poles and jumps in the arena or not picking up his poop in the arena after riding (two of our big rules since we have one indoor for a 57 horse barn). Both offenses are also pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. The other morning, I had to stop in early (before feeding time and before anyone really comes up) to drop off my farrier check and I opened the barn door and there was the pony – just standing in the aisle! I put him away and found that not only was the gate unlatched, but she had also left his little grooming kit/stool inside his stall all night – so his brushes, polo wraps, treats, and rubber bands were everywhere. Talk about not paying attention when you are leaving! It was just lucky (kind of) that there was a nasty storm that night and we shut the barn doors (occasionally it floods the first few stalls), otherwise he might have spent the night grazing on rich grass and he is very founder-prone! So many bad things could have happened due to her rushing and negligence!

Put your foot down though and don’t be lenient. These are the rules and common courtesy of the farm. I wouldn’t ask her to leave after one night of not cleaning up, but make sure she knows if it happens again that there could be consequences. Also I would remind her again in person next time you see her. My barn manager hates confrontation and instead of telling the offending party they did something wrong she broadcasts a general statement to the whole farm on our notice board in the tack room which rarely ever fixes the problem. YOU did a wrong thing, please don’t let it happen again.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Mkat said:


> Yes here is my paraphrase


This is a prime example of why I don't do business on a cell phone and barely on the computer. Texting means nothing to most people, especially if they're in a rush. I'd follow up with a written note, stating clearly what the expectations are and that her current behavior isn't in line with the expectations. I'd make mention, highlighted, bolded, however you want to call serious attention to it, that in the event of another break in the barn rules that she would be given XXX notice to move (whatever is in your contract).


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## jgnmoose (May 27, 2015)

You texted a kid about poop, and are upset they said "yeah sorry, had to get back to campus".

What did you expect?

Have this conversation in person and explain what their responsibilities are.


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## Daroga (Sep 16, 2016)

Honestly, it sounds like you are going out of your way to accommodate her, I do think she is in the wrong here for leaving the barn like that. If I was in her situation I would go above and beyond to make sure I was being extra tidy to show that I appreciated your effort to work with me so I could stable my horse. I do think that maybe an email (I consider emails more formal than texting) or a letter reminding her of the rules would be a good idea.

As a side note, I'm not really taking the "had to get back to campus" excuse. What does it take to shove poo, turn off the lights, and lock the door behind you? 10 minutes? Perhaps if she is that rushed to get to school, horse ownership may not be for her.


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