# How do you if someone is in the wrong sport



## Chappywillbehisname (Mar 1, 2018)

As a trainer/ instructor have you ever come to the conclusion that one of your students should just completely give up riding? How do approach that student? I often find myself in a dark space in my mind that my instructors have given up on me, I can hear their breaths at time. A particular problem of mine is leaning forward and I have come close to falling off bc of that bad habit. How can you tell someone should just perhaps look for something else?


----------



## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

Never! If the person wants to ride, must mean they enjoy it. If they don't improve, it would mean I would have to come up with different exercises to help them to improve. Its all on me as an instructor, to a point, students have to try! I can tell when they try and when they don't.


----------



## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Again, I agree with the above. 

In many years of teaching I have only ever once told a parent that their child hated riding and was only doing it to please them. This poor lad was terrified and would be physically sick every lesson. (He was about eight)


----------



## loosie (Jun 19, 2008)

^Oh, that sort of thing makes me so sad for the poor kids, trying to live up to unreasonable parental expectations for... what? The parent's own thwarted aspirations? Why do that to a kid? How can they not see??!

Anyway, OP, sounds like this is about you as a rider/learner. Agree with above. If you WANT to ride & you enjoy it, then it's not up to any instructor to tell you to stop. Likewise, if you hate it, why do it & it's not up to any instructor to try to keep you doing it.

And if you want to ride, but are not improving & your instructor cannot seem to help you, then, assuming you've spoken to them, given them a chance to maybe explain or go about stuff differently for you, then it's probably time to find a different instructor. Horse riding is no different from any other subject, that if the learner wants to learn but is not improving, then the teaching is somehow at fault.


----------



## mmshiro (May 3, 2017)

Your instructor has given up on themselves. If, as you say, you have one problem that hinders your progress - think about whether your instructor has given you targeted exercises to tackle that one problem so you can go beyond it, or whether they just yell, "Don't lean forward!" ad nauseam. 

Have you, for example, ever walked or trotted on the lunge line with your hands holding your elbows behind your back? If so, how did that feel? Are you able to recreate that feeling with your hands in standard position?


----------



## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Do you also ride when you are not taking a lesson? Maybe just getting out on a trail or even a nice relaxed ride around a pasture would help. Breathe, drop your shoulders, loosen your arms, let your legs relax down the horse's sides, sit up.
To me it sounds like you are tense and/or maybe hanging on to the horses mouth for balance. When this happens to me I have to take a deep breath and loosen myself up and then go on.


----------



## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

If your instructor can't explain how to ride, you won't progress very well. And that is your instructor's fault. A lot of instructors are able to ride, but not really able to TEACH riding, which is quite a different thing. If the place you are at is your only option for riding, then you may need to tune out their bad vibes and concentrate on you & the horse. How Your Horse Wants You to Ride: Starting Out, Starting Over by Gincy Self Bucklin is an excellent book. Outstanding explanations and pictures. Study it, follow its advice, and concentrate on your horse and your body.

Or find a different instructor.


----------



## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

bsms said:


> If your instructor can't explain how to ride, you won't progress very well. And that is your instructor's fault. A lot of instructors are able to ride, but not really able to TEACH riding, which is quite a different thing. If the place you are at is your only option for riding, then you may need to tune out their bad vibes and concentrate on you & the horse. How Your Horse Wants You to Ride: Starting Out, Starting Over by Gincy Self Bucklin is an excellent book. Outstanding explanations and pictures. Study it, follow its advice, and concentrate on your horse and your body.
> 
> Or find a different instructor.


I second that book recommendation. I think it could be really useful for you. It definitely helped me a lot.


----------



## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

The only time anyone is ever in the wrong sport, particularly with equestrianism, is when they are being cruel or neglectful to the horses. Other than that, there is no such thing as not being right for choosing and participating in the horse world. You have a lifetime to learn and improve, so there is no reason to quit trying to better yourself.


----------



## mkmurphy81 (May 8, 2015)

loosie said:


> if the learner wants to learn but is not improving, then the teaching is somehow at fault.



^^This needs to be said again.


Not everyone has the capability to be an Olympic level rider, but everyone has the capability of riding. If you enjoy what you're doing, you can improve. Everyone improves at their own pace, however. To use leaning forward as an example, is your posture better than it was one year ago? If it is, then you're improving, but you may want a new instructor to improve faster. If your posture is not better, then you really need a new instructor (or at least a good book).


----------



## Filou (Jan 16, 2014)

I'l take a different approach here, maybe more personal. 

If you are talking about yourself, and feel your trainer is not really there for you, you need to find a new trainer. 

I have now thoroughly lived up here in the east bay for a year, and have seen many a horse riding place, and heard many rumors. I make a point to go out to shows on the weekends and help friends to see the other barns. There's good places, and bad ones. I wonder if you are at one of the bad places. Bad as in, the people are toxic, lots of $$$, don't care about others. We have had over 10 people move to our place from other barns in the past 6 months. 

I would recommend looking at another lesson program and trying it out and see if you get different vibes from it. If you would like any recommendations you can PM me.


----------



## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

I guess I have never really considered my riding a "sport," it's more that I love horses and want to spend time with them and I enjoy riding them. So I would never let an instructor discourage me from enjoying riding. :smile: (If they did bother me, I would get a new instructor or just go without lessons if I had my own horse).


----------



## loosie (Jun 19, 2008)

^Yeah, when I first saw this thread, thought it was about some specific equestrian sport. I don't do 'sport' with my horses either these days. 

...And seeing as I'm seeing ads while I'm on this page, I have to say 'eek! fancy using those feet in an ad for anything!'


----------



## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

Chappywillbehisname said:


> As a trainer/ instructor have you ever come to the conclusion that one of your students should just completely give up riding? How do approach that student? I often find myself in a dark space in my mind that my instructors have given up on me, I can hear their breaths at time. A particular problem of mine is leaning forward and I have come close to falling off bc of that bad habit. How can you tell someone should just perhaps look for something else?



I've been riding for about 30 years and my "bad habit" is leaning too far forward too. As riders, we're always going to have natural tendencies or bad habits to work on. Always. There is always something you can improve and work on no matter how many years you've been riding.



Gathering from your posts, you've been riding barely a year? I think you are being too hard on yourself.


If you don't enjoy riding and don't want to do it anymore, that's one thing. And that's your choice. But if you like riding and have the desire to keep going, then keep going. 



I've never given anyone formal lessons, but if I did and I had a student that wasn't progressing, I would be wondering what **I** could be doing different to help explain things in a different way for them. In my mind, if the student isn't getting it, the instructor needs to change how they are teaching.


----------



## Tihannah (Apr 7, 2015)

I think everyone else here has given you great advice regarding your instructor and self expectations. As someone who started my riding journey REALLY late in life and am in my 4th year, I can tell you you're doing just fine. I don't know your situation (just lessons, leasing, own your own horse?), but since day one, I knew that weekly lessons weren't going to be enough to help me progress. 

In addition, I rode 4-5 days a week. I'd set up my phone in a spot to record my rides so I could go back and watch and see what I MOST needed to work on. I watched other people's lessons. Watched them ride and what they were doing and comments the instructors made to them. If I attend a clinic, I watch as many rides as I can. I watch instructional videos on YouTube, events, and upper level riders. Recently I purchased a couple books - one related to riding, one related to communication and training the horse. 

I still do all these things whenever I can. Horses and riding is a never ending journey of learning. The goal should always be to just improve! If you love it, don't let yourself get discouraged.


----------



## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

How do you know if someone is in the wrong sport?


Chappywillbehisname said:


> As a trainer/ instructor have you ever come to the conclusion that one of your students should just completely give up riding? How do approach that student? I often find myself in a dark space in my mind that my instructors have given up on me, I can hear their breaths at time. A particular problem of mine is leaning forward and I have come close to falling off bc of that bad habit. How can you tell someone should just perhaps look for something else?



Whether a student should give up riding is not the question. Horses can have such life changing impacts on a person's well being this should never be the question unless there is a medical reason that creates an unsafe situation BUT that still doesn't mean no horse except in the case of anaphylactic reactions. Whether someone is in the wrong discipline is fair. An evaluation of the instructor's approach, the rider's goal and the amount of commitment on both parts is fair. This takes honesty from both parties as well as the parents if the rider is a minor. There may not be a good fit through no fault of either the instructor or the rider and there may be a benefit from changing instructors. If it comes down to ability or commitment vs goals then again there needs to be an honest evaluation. If your goal is to be an Olympic class rider and the ability is not there then you can only go so far on commitment and a change in discipline could be rewarding for all. The converse is also true if you have the ability but are not willing to make the commitment to reach those goals then you aren't being fair to yourself or your instructor. 



If the goal is simply to become a safe and effective rider and you are with a competition goal oriented trainer that does not realize that your goal is NOT to become a competitive rider then time for a change either in focus if your instructor is a good fit and willing to work with someone that doesn't have those goals or a new instructor in which case your current can be a valuable source of trainers that could work well with you. 



If all you want to do is head off on the trails then you are not going to need the same level of training as someone wanting to compete. That doesn't mean lessons have to stop once you reach your goal and are a good match with your horse it just means that if you want something more or just want to stay involved for social reasons then finding a group to ride with may be more beneficial and evaluating what you do want from your lessons will be important and finding an instructor that is willing to truly listen to your goals and match their instruction to that becomes your goal. Do you want to learn new skills? Do you want to learn how to train? Do you just want to become more familiar with overall care and feeding? Ask yourself those questions and then sit down with your instructor or potential instructor to see if they can help you with what you want to learn.



If you are a beginning rider and not riding more than once a week then improvements may come slowly. It sounds like there are frustrations on both parts. Can you arrange for more time in the saddle? Are there exercises you can do that improve your core, balance and position out of the saddle if you can't get more saddle time or even if you can? Have you sat down and spoken to your instructor? Are there physical limitations that are holding you back? 



I'll share this. My two nephews moved in this year. Both want to ride and as scouts wanted their merit badge. These two started lessons to improve their skills, learn about horse care basics and become safe riders. Why? Because we have horses and I didn't want them just thinking they could jump on and cowboy off. Why an instructor and not myself? I'm already the "bad" guy in this relationship due to circumstances beyond my control. This needed to be something they enjoy and instruction/correction needed to come from an outside person. One of the boys has a natural ability (N2) and would make a better rider if he would lose the "I know it all" and "I'm in control" attitude. Physically (strength wise) he has more potential and better motor control but doesn't make use of it effectively. The other (N1) has neurological issues that effect physical ability as well as body strength that is just not where it should be for his age and size. The issues are mild but they are noticeable and make a big difference in his potential as a rider. The difference. The child with more ability lacks commitment, willingness to listen and apply and has a conceit that negatively effects his riding. He'll tell you he is better than his cousin that has been on horseback since before he could walk and that everything is the horse's fault never his own. The other is committed, follows instruction, does the exercises the instructor asks him to do between lessons and applies himself. Technically he has become the better rider though he looks awkward and still lacks strength (it is slowly developing). He gets more compliance and willingness from the horse he is riding than his brother. For their merit badge test they both were riding horses they had ridden during the course of lessons. Both have been riding since late February. N1 was put on a large, big moving but smooth horse that fits his length of leg, (lack of) balance and does well with all levels of riders. N2 ended up on a tank of a pony that will read a rider and respond accordingly with either obedience or disobedience. He isn't bad but does take a rider that is correct and clear in expectations. He is very strong willed. When N2 listens and rides right there are no problems. When N2 cops an attitude and gets sloppy the pony takes control. Mid way through the test (which lasted quite a bit longer than it should have as N1 had already done the required moves but N2 was having major issues) N1 was asked to hold pony and give the his horse to N2. N1 had done all that was required as well as cantered but N2 couldn't keep pony in the ring or get him back in in a timely manner, couldn't get him to change gaits, couldn't keep him on the rail, couldn't get him to back, couldn't get him to circle. N1 hasn't been put on the pony because of balance issues and lack of coordination and strength. He wanted to continue riding and with no other horse available he was told he could go ahead and ride pony at the top of the arena. I think the instructor and I were both holding our breath waiting for a fall. But you know what; N1 did just fine. He took control, gave a firm correction for the first infraction and road the test a second time perfectly on the pony. Pony never left the ring, road on the rail, circled well and changed gaits or backed when asked. N2 had to be coached through and prompted on the generally compliant other horse. Guess which boy has permission to saddle up and ride with cousin on our horses? Cousin (my child) doesn't like and up to this point had not wanted to compete. He is there to learn, to spend time with others that enjoy the same things and for the opportunity to ride more challenging horses as well as jump which is a passion of his. He has ridden with this instructor since he was 7. She doesn't pressure him to compete but does push him to ride to the best of his ability and continue to improve. He also has issues that effect his ability - most of which he has overcome with this instructor. She knew going in though that he had issues. he has also tried his hand at western riding. When he showed an interest his instructor suggested someone she thought would work well with him. He loved it and truly appreciated the time he spent but realized he is where he wants to be. Other instructor's would have not pushed at all or pushed him out of their program. 



N2 is telling people he already knew how to ride, the horses are trash, the instructor is mean and riding isn't a real sport. N1 wants to continue and learn how to jump eventually and wants to ride pony more. 



I'm not saying this to suggest you have a problem but to show there are good instructors that make an effort. If this one isn't a good fit and you have done all you can including speaking to him/her then time to move on to another barn.


----------

