# Teenagers and Horses (a rant)



## Island Horselover (Apr 4, 2012)

It sounds like you make it a bit too easy for that young girl to be so irresponsible! Talk to her and the BO. She needs to realise that it is her job to provide and care for her own horse. Maybe noone ever made it all that clear to her. 
But if you feed her horse, the ferrier does trim the horse for free etc.... it does not help the girl to take responsiblility! But I think a good and honest talk (if you know her or not) is due!!!


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

I completely agree with you, at THIS point I have made it easy for her to be irresponsible, but I feel like I kinda had to step in...I'm just afraid a talk will go in one ear and out the other.


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## gssw5 (Jul 30, 2013)

I understand not letting the horse starve and since you have to be around the horse working to keep yourself safe. Send her parents the bill for feed, farrier and other expenses incurred.

In my opinion since she is a minor her parents are ultimately responsible for the horse and any expenses related to the horse. Maybe they will sell the horse if the girl is not interested, either way get the parents involved.


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## karliejaye (Nov 19, 2011)

Are her parents involved at all and/or do they know what the situation is like? Since she is 16, a minor, I think they need to be involved in "the talk" as well.


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

I'm very close with her mom. Her dad passed away a few years ago, which is the reason why I think she has the horse to begin with. Mom gave her something she always wanted... and honestly, the mom is just as bad in my opinion. She doesn't enforce anything. I've talked to her already about selling the horse and she doesn't want to because she's afraid it will upset her daughter, and she's afraid of it going to a bad home...what about going to a GOOD home? I don't think that thought has ever crossed her mind. 

I don't know. I just don't think these guys understand what all goes into horse ownership. It's very clear they don't treat their animals the same way I treat mine. I will admit when I first got a horse I was waaay in over my head. I didn't know what I didn't know. But I got with the right people and I learned. I think I would feel differently if they made an effort to learn...

It doesn't help that I have a close relationship with these folks.


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

I sympathize with what you are going through-see it happen all the time at the barn where I board. In 35+ years of teaching kids riding and general horse care, I have never met a single one (including the most responsible kids) who could take care of a horse completely and correctly without some sort of supervision.

Whether or not this girl realizes it, she _does not own_ this horse. Her parents are totally responsible for what happens to the horse and if the horse hurts someone, guess who gets sued. Your barn owner should be_ at least_ a little concerned that a young teenager is dealing (alone) with a horse who is now suddenly "crazy" (no doubt through mis-handling) and the liability that implies.

A sit down discussion is needed between you, the barn owner and the parents. The teen doesn't even have to be part of this. Make a list of your concerns and calmly cite each incident. Ask the parents how this can be resolved and if they realized how dangerous this situation is. Most parents who give in to a begging child and buy a horse for them have absolutely no idea how dangerous a situation this can be. They could easily lose _everything _they own and the child could be hurt or even killed. Write down how much the extras are costing you to take care of this horse and show it to them.

Finally, your barn owner really should have taken care of this situation immediately. The liability to them is even greater. I've seem multiple parties named in these lawsuits and the lawyers always go after the people with the most assets!


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

jenkat86 said:


> I'm very close with her mom. Her dad passed away a few years ago, which is the reason why I think she has the horse to begin with. Mom gave her something she always wanted... and honestly, the mom is just as bad in my opinion. She doesn't enforce anything. I've talked to her already about selling the horse and she doesn't want to because she's afraid it will upset her daughter, and she's afraid of it going to a bad home...what about going to a GOOD home? I don't think that thought has ever crossed her mind.
> 
> I don't know. I just don't think these guys understand what all goes into horse ownership. It's very clear they don't treat their animals the same way I treat mine. I will admit when I first got a horse I was waaay in over my head. I didn't know what I didn't know. But I got with the right people and I learned. I think I would feel differently if they made an effort to learn...
> 
> It doesn't help that I have a close relationship with these folks.


then tell them that. Tell them flat out you don`t think they understand what caring for a horse looks like. Tell the girl that her mare is not "crazy" SHE is the problem. There are somethings you just can't be nice about. One of my pet peeves is when people blame horses for something they're doing, so many times at camp kids will say "so and is such bad horse! they wouldn't listen to me!" and I flat out tell them "_____ did exactly what you asked of them/ No, I told you what to do and you didn't do it, the horse listened perfectly"


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## Horseychick87 (Feb 5, 2014)

Yup, as has already been stated, you need to have a talk with the barn owner, mother, and if you all agree, the teen.

The barn owner could make up new contracts that state a minimum level of care and feed must be present for the horses. This would put it in writing that the mother and daughter need to at least have certain things done.

It could also be put out in the contract that the barn owner can make appointments for farrier/ vet and send the bill to the owners, which they must pay or forfeit the horse after a period of time. This would cover routine farrier visits and at least the core vaccines yearly.

If the BO doesn't want to go that route, then I'd personally (If I were you) start sending them a bill for farrier, feed, and vet, if you have their horse checked by your vet. As it is, you pay enough for your own stuff, you shouldn't have to cover their expenses as well, even if your farrier does do the mares feet for free. You shouldn't have to train her horse either for that fact.

A good talking to, and maybe a dressing down of mother and daughter may be what's needed. They both need to know what is involved and how much it really costs to own a horse. 

I know new owners don't always know what they've gotten into, and I have no problem with that, so long as they try to educate themselves on what is needed for at least minimal care and health. It's the lazy people who let others do their work for them and have no clue, or don't want a clue that irk me. 

I want a horse (I'm horseless at the moment.), but until I get a stable job ,I refuse to purchase an animal that'll run me around $5k a year in my town to own. I'd certainly never expect someone else to feed, shoe/ trim/ or vet my horse for me.

Sorry about the rant-y bits, but some things chafe my bum like no other, willing lack of knowledge on animal care regarding owners is one of them.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

I hate hearing about this sort of thing. This girl has been enabled, first at home, and now at the barn. There are no consequences for her negligence and poor behaviour. She has learned that not only will others take care of her responsibilities when she cant be bothered, but that problems she creates for herself, caused by her own poor behaviour, never have to dealt with.

this is showing up more and more often, with young employees, in the horse world, even with a lot of young peoples views of relationships. The prevailing view is that its always someone else's fault.

the only thing that will help this girl is people telling her the truth, and stop doing things for her. If the BO kicks her off the property for neglecting her horse, that's something she'll have to deal with.

I have a friend right now who tried to pull "the horse is misbehaving on me" yada, yada. I finally said straight up. "the horse is acting out because you are choosing not to step up to the plate and be the rider that horse needs. You are capable, but you wont even try. Either step up, or sell the horse to someone who will actually be a decent rider for it.". 

I'm tired of seeing horses annoyed, tormented, nagged, mishandled by stuck up kids that got far too much praise and too little discipline, and then the horse gets blamed.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

It might seem hard but the sooner you stop doing anything for this horse the sooner the girl will either have to take responsibility herself or they will have to sell it
I did take care of my horses when I was a teenager but at the same time my parents were always right there behind me making sure things were done correctly (even though I didn't always realize that) To a certain extent I blame this girl's mother too because as a parent it's not enough to just buy a child a horse you have to make sure they're doing the right thing by it as well
Someone needs to speak firmly to them both


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## RegularJoe (Aug 26, 2014)

jenkat86 said:


> ...she's afraid of it going to a bad home...


It's already in a bad home. Without your intervention and that of the BO the thing would be starving and have who knows what kind of medical issues. 



> It doesn't help that I have a close relationship with these folks.


Maybe it could. If they're not responding to being told that what they're doing is hurting their horse, they might respond to being told that what they're doing is hurting you. 

Make it perfectly clear that if you hadn't been spending your own time and money feeding the poor thing it would have starved, and if they can't even provide basic care for it they shouldn't own it. Then add that because of her inattention, the horse is developing behavior problems that are becoming a problem for the other horses. 

Put in writing what you've personally spent on feed, care, and worming. Let them know what they owe the farrier for the work he's done and that it's wrong to pick his pocket by letting him work for free. That's his job, not some hobby he does for people he barely knows. List out the hours you've spent in care, feeding, and training, and show what that would have cost if they had to hire someone for it. Tell them those were all hours you couldn't ride your own horse because you were tied up doing work they should be doing. 

Given your relationship with them, you might also offer to help her with some training to see that it's not the horse that's "crazy." I know almost nothing about horses, but already I've seen that nearly everywhere you find "problem horses" it's the owner that needs training more than the horse.


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## cebee (Apr 4, 2010)

Sounds a lot like my story of how I got my mare. While I never had to provide for her, her 15 year old owner never wormed her, had her feet trimmed once in 9 months! ( and by the BO's husband who is not a farrier but does his own horses feet) Rarely made it to the barn. Was afraid of the mare, who clearly had her number. ( and BTW is a wonderful little horse as well!) Luckily in my case, the girls parents got tired of paying for a horse who was never even seen, and sold her to me. 

I suggest the BO be the one to get involved. Write up a new contract for "everyone" explaining that if hay, farrier etc have to be provided it will be charged to them. 

Meanwhile, since you have a relationship with this family, could you mentor the girl? Offer to help her with some training? Offer to ride with her? Seriously, if she has no one to ride with, and a horse she is scared of, there is not a lot of incentive to GO to the barn. Perhaps she would be better in a larger barn with young people her age to interact with, a 4H group, etc.


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

Reading between the lines.....I think this young gal needs someone like you.....

Everything happens for a reason. I sense there's a void in this young lady's life and maybe you're being called on to help fill it?

Could you call her from time to time and invite her to meet you at the barn?

You could make a huge difference in her life if you dare to risk it.....and maybe you'll find it rewarding as well......


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

I appreciate everyone's input! Last night I had a long discussion with just the BO. I told him all my concerns and I feel like he is really going to take them into consideration. 

This evening we are going to have a discussion with the mother. Hopefully we will get somewhere! 

Apparently the BO has been fed up with this for awhile and I have the feeling this is going to b last chance sort of thing. 

Let you know how it goes!


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

You are what is called an enabler. Why should she do anything when you're willing to pick up the short fall.


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

Well...that went about as well as expected. 

We both talked to the mother and on my end, I basically told her that I was done taking care of her daughters horse free of charge. I explained everything I had been doing (which she already knew) and informed her that it would have to stop. The BO stated that if the horse is not being cared for by the daughter or the mother then the horse needs to find a new home. 

So...mom cried because she was "so embarassed, and had no idea this much went into horse ownership." I told her I thought it would be a good idea if they sell the horse. Maybe stick with weekly lessons, or a lease for awhile. 

We will see how it goes :/


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## WildAtHeart (Jul 17, 2013)

I completely understand how this would bother you. I have met people like this before and it is just terrible to see. 

Definitely try taking to her. But be friendly and gentle too, so she might actually listen. 

Also, if the vet/farrier is every out at the same time as her you could ask them to talk to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RegularJoe (Aug 26, 2014)

jenkat86 said:


> ...she...had no idea this much went into horse ownership.


I suspect that's very common, and difficult to avoid. None of us know what we don't know when we are just starting. 



jenkat86 said:


> Maybe stick with weekly lessons, or a lease for awhile.


I would think they would be getting a lot more for their money with a weekly lesson. Maybe they could arrange a free lease of the horse they own to a more experienced rider who could help care for it properly.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

The mother needs to understand that the saying "money can't buy happiness" really IS true-especially with teens. Where we lived when my kids (who are now 30!) were in high school, was very affluent. The parents replaced their time and attention with $$ and things. There were very very few happy endings. My kids lost 3 of their peers senior year alone. Suicide, drugs and a car way too fast (Porsche). Sad. There is NO replacement for actual parenting. Perhaps the mom does not understand this.


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## SummerShy (Aug 3, 2014)

It sounds like a very sad situation and I feel particularly bad for you because it may very well go as bad as you anticipate. I gather from what you've said about her and her mother and the fact that you've been avoiding it this long, that they're not going to take too kindly to this 'talking to'. Doing what you feel is best for everyone involved is all you can do, so hang in there and stay strong!

Also, don't be so quick to include not worming as a contribution to negligence. I understand that she's 'neglecting' to do it because she's ignorant about it either way, but it's actually fairly well known now that even with rotating your wormers your horses can build up resistances to the active ingredients and render them ineffective. It's no different than loading up a human body without a bacterial infection with antibiotics. I find it to be a much better use of my time, money, and a better perseverance of my horse's health to watch for outward signs and to also request periodic fetal testings. That way if it's clean I'm only out a few dollars peace of mind and if it's positive I may then attack the specific parasite directly. 

Anyway... I didn't mean to go on about it but once I began I had to explain completely :]


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## RegularJoe (Aug 26, 2014)

franknbeans said:


> There is NO replacement for actual parenting. Perhaps the mom does not understand this.


That's all too true, but I'm a little slower to lay blame on the mom in this. Some people honestly have no idea what's involved, then find themselves in over their head, or slowly figure it out but continue to live in denial for a while. 

How she responds now that it's been explained clearly will reveal her character?


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## Peanutbutter (Apr 23, 2014)

jenkat86 said:


> Well...that went about as well as expected.
> 
> We both talked to the mother and on my end, I basically told her that I was done taking care of her daughters horse free of charge. I explained everything I had been doing (which she already knew) and informed her that it would have to stop. The BO stated that if the horse is not being cared for by the daughter or the mother then the horse needs to find a new home.
> 
> ...


oh, that's not to fun... Hope they sell the horse and you get a new barnmate.


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

SummerShy said:


> Also, don't be so quick to include not worming as a contribution to negligence. I understand that she's 'neglecting' to do it because she's ignorant about it either way, but it's actually fairly well known now that even with rotating your wormers your horses can build up resistances to the active ingredients and render them ineffective. It's no different than loading up a human body without a bacterial infection with antibiotics. I find it to be a much better use of my time, money, and a better perseverance of my horse's health to watch for outward signs and to also request periodic fetal testings. That way if it's clean I'm only out a few dollars peace of mind and if it's positive I may then attack the specific parasite directly.
> :]


I don't think not worming is neglect. And maybe "neglect" is a bad word to use for this...I was frustrated that she didn't even know WHY horses get dewormed. It's this whole "ignorant attitude" (from the daughter) that drives me crazy. The BO is extremely knowledgeable about horses and horse care and has been willing in the past to give her lessons on everything from handling, riding and general care. I have offered to ride with her. She is interested when she is at the barn, but then once she leaves the barn it never crosses her mind again. So then when her horse comes up lame for any reason the excuse is..."well I didn't know." 

In other news though...my older mare looks like a wooly mammoth this morning when just Saturday she was nice and slick. Who else is dreading this winter???


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## TurkishVan (Feb 11, 2013)

Sorry, but I don't deworm my horses unless they're showing outward symptoms, and I certainly have never had any that needed their teeth done. (Although I have had a few checked when the issue came up; they never needed working with though.) So that's not neglectful in my mind. But to each their own...

The girl and her mother sound like ditzy people. It's unfortunate that you've had to put up with them. Thank whatever deity that you believe in that you only have one of those types to put up with. When you get 2 or more... Well, they form an ignorant group that "knows everything." 

Why wasn't your BO keeping track of her hay situation? You shouldn't have even been involved with that. At my barn, we have the option of getting our own hay, or buying some from the BO. If we run out, and don't have more, the BO feeds our horses whatever mixture is the closest to what we had before. She charges us by the bale. It's a great setup to have, and it's been a great help to me and many others when wet weather has delayed our hay harvest. Her bales are always more expensive, but that's why I only use her hay in emergencies. 

Your BO should be communicating between the girl and her mother. You shouldn't even have to be involved.


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## Sharpie (May 24, 2009)

It's been a few days, any follow-up? Are they taking care of the horse for now, at least? I would be the one to present them with an itemized bill of all the care I had been providing (both supplies and services) and the expectation that they either pay it or give me the horse with a final bill of sale for $1 to settle it. 

"Not knowing" is a poor excuse in today's internet and knowledge world. All that really means is they didn't care enough to even take 5 minutes to type it into google.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

jenkat86 said:


> Before I get going here let me just say, I have been around some teenagers that are incredibly dedicated and responsible for their horses....and then there are those who really shouldn't have animals...at all.
> 
> I feel fortunate. I am able to board my two mares at a barn just a few miles from my house for an incredibly cheap price. I do all the work (which I prefer). I buy my grain and hay, do the feeding/ watering, have my own farrier and vet. I have the freedom to do whatever I want when I want. It's like renting my own little barn and pasture, except there is an extremely nice, knowledgeable and generous horse person that lives on site. I really couldn't ask for a better set up.
> 
> ...


You evidently have "SUCKER" printed across your forehead. Stop being an enabler.


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

You are obviously in an awkward situation because of the family relationship, but I think the answer (or possible answer) is clear.
1. The horse needs full time care and attention
2. The girl can't or won't care for the horse (probably both)
3. The mother wants to keep the horse for her daughter
4. You have essentially become the caretaker and they are aware of that
5. You need a simple contract drawn up to compensate you for the horses care. It should address the items you just mentioned (feeding, grooming, cleaning, get schedule, farrier schedule etc. 
6. If you should decide that you don't want the baby sitting job outlined above, at least the mother will know the costs and time involved to keep a horse healthy for her precious little girl. She will also know that you are neither a charity or a rescue mission.

My best to you.


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

The contract I just mentioned can be gently worded as you simply care for the horses health (which includes being ridden at proper intervals). It needn't be confrontational, but clear that you cannot take on that responsibility. It is a job and perhaps through no fault of her own, her daughter does not possess the knowledge or experience to perform it. I would stress the cost to maintain the horse and the much higher costs that can (and will) arise if the animal is not properly maintained.

You have been great to help her this long (an enabler of sorts), but it is clear that you are being used and apparently the family "friends" are comfortable with the arrangement. Take the role on as a paid job or simply step away from it. You have your own life to deal with.

You have a good heart


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

So a little update for you all...

Friday was a big day. The girl came out to ride on Friday evening. Things didn't end that well...for her. Long story short, the horse spooked and bolted and she ended up coming off and breaking her wrist and collar bone. 

Can't say I didn't see that one coming.

So with the exception of this hiccup, ever since our chat, etiher the girl or the mother has been coming out daily. I haven't stepped in at all. The BO stepped in one time because the mother brought a bag of feed in that was moldy. 

I'm interested to see what will happen now that we've got some injuries...


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

jenkat86 said:


> So a little update for you all...
> 
> Friday was a big day. The girl came out to ride on Friday evening. Things didn't end that well...for her. Long story short, the horse spooked and bolted and she ended up coming off and breaking her wrist and collar bone.
> 
> ...


I am really happy to hear the news and that everything is falling (no pun intended) in place for you. It appears the drama might be over.

The very best for you !


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## HoustonWeHaveAProblem (Jan 17, 2014)

jenkat86 said:


> the mother brought a bag of feed in that was moldy.
> 
> I'm interested to see what will happen now that we've got some injuries...


Ohh the things that make you go "are you freakin' kidding me?!":shock::shock:

Really glad you hear you've separated yourself from this drama...maybe this injury will be the big sign in neon lights they need to see that horse ownership does not suit them and this time in their lives.


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

HoustonWeHaveAProblem said:


> Ohh the things that make you go "are you freakin' kidding me?!":shock::shock:


Exactly!!!


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## palomino347 (Dec 28, 2014)

I would totally let her know how irresponsible she is.
Let her know that without you there, her horse would probably be dead or ill due to not being fed, dewormed, etc.
What is this girl thinking?
Gosh. Some people don't even realize how lucky they are.
Some people work day and night to own a horse and care for him/her. But this girl just comes in and does this kind of crap?
I'm sorry. I'm ranting as well :shock::lol:
I just hate that some people are extremely lucky to have a horse and don't even care. 
Gosh. Let her know how irresponsible she is.


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## SummerBlaze1 (Jan 3, 2015)

*I 100% agree*


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

I know this thread is a few months old, I wish I had seen it earlier. I would have suggested we introduce this teen to my 15 year old. She could have taught her a lot, she knows EVERYTHING. lol


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

This thread is a little old...but a fun little update  Things really have a way of working out...that's all I have to say. This farm that we board at is privately owned. Just my horses, her horse and the guy who lives there- his 2 horses. He told us he's moving out in March. My heart sunk. This was the best set up I've ever been at. I love the place. But then the owner offered my husband and I a lease. So we will be moving in in April!

The girl has healed nicely...and things were starting to look promising. She seemed to be giving a good solid try to get out there daily, and if she didn't make it out her mother would come out. But neither one of them have set foot in that barn since it got cold which was about mid November. 

Things are definitely going to change this spring!


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## jessepona (Nov 28, 2014)

jenkat86 said:


> This thread is a little old...but a fun little update  Things really have a way of working out...that's all I have to say. This farm that we board at is privately owned. Just my horses, her horse and the guy who lives there- his 2 horses. He told us he's moving out in March. My heart sunk. This was the best set up I've ever been at. I love the place. But then the owner offered my husband and I a lease. So we will be moving in in April!
> 
> The girl has healed nicely...and things were starting to look promising. She seemed to be giving a good solid try to get out there daily, and if she didn't make it out her mother would come out. But neither one of them have set foot in that barn since it got cold which was about mid November.
> 
> Things are definitely going to change this spring!



Oh wow- congratulations on your new lease! Lucky you! I hope the girl and her mother will start to take responsibility for their horse. I've never heard of a horse that stopped needing care because it got cold out :?


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