# Struggling after husband's death



## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

Well, as it says, i am really struggling one week after my husband died suddenly as a result of a motorbike racing accident right in front of me. It was the most awful thing I've ever seen or hope to see again. He was in first place on the start grid, took off a bit too slowly, the bike behind hit his bike and knocked him off, then another bike hit my husband as he lay on the ground and threw him into the air. It didnt kill him immediately, altho I thought it had, but he died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. My kids were with me at the racetrack but didnt see the actual accident. And we were 5 1/2 hours from home. 

There's more to the whole story, but that's it in a nutshell. My husband has been riding motorbikes for 40+ years, started racing when he was 19 or 20 and has raced on and off since then, as well as regular motorbike racing, so he wasnt inexperienced. None of the other riders were to blame. It was just a horrible accident.

So now I have two young kids (8 and 11) who have no daddy. I am widowed at the ripe old age of 40 (he was older than me). And my whole life has crumbled around me. Yet it doesn't feel real. I feel numb most of the time but then have times where I just feel so alone and incredibly sad. So sad I cant even cry most of the time.

The weight of responsibility is huge and crushing. I am my girls' whole world now. I have to sort out all my husbands stuff, both home/shed stuff and work/financial. Down the track I'll have to find a job, and I havent worked since my kids were born. I have to hold it together for my kids yet let them see I am sad too. 

It's too much. I cant do this. I dont want to have to do this


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## WendyJane (Jul 11, 2015)

I'm so sorry. Do you have any family or other support nearby? Please lean on other people right now to help you get through the things that need to be taken care of right now like life insurance, figuring out the financials of your husband, and such.

It's going to take time. It really sucks, but time is needed to grieve and adjust and it's a really messy process. But I do know that you can make it out on the other side. You can do this. One day, hour, or minute at a time. But you can get through it. :hug:


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I think you are trying to do to much too quickly. I have always heard never to get rid of anything for a year after someone close to you dies. 
Not sure how it is in Australia but in the US we have SS benefits that your kids would qualify for and I hope you had life insurance and he left financial affairs in order. Now is the time to grieve and be strong for your girls at the same time. Hopefully you have some support and if not look for a support group. I wish you the best and keep strong


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Agree you really need an in person support group. If you don't have anyone close then I'm sure there are organizations that would help. Also agree to take a breath step back and focus on what's important right now, all those details can wait.

I'm so sorry... This early on you really haven't come to grips yet. It WILL get better no matter how hard it may be. For now just find some help because you are NOT alone and should not be alone. You be there for your girls and you find someone to be there for YOU. I am glad at least that they were spared seeing the accident, I can only imagine what that must have been like.

Hugs to you and your girls. So horrible and my heart goes out to you


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## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

My mother was widowed at 45 and also had two children (myself and my brother) to care for. We were both a little older (15 and 17) so we could understand and help her out and were not afraid to grieve together. No one wants to go through something like that, but you don't really have a choice.

Lean on family don't try to do it all yourself. If they offer help, as much as you might not want to, take them up on it. 

Save the going through things until you feel ready (it took my mother a year). Don't let others tell you when you should do it, you will know when the time is right. 

Find someone to talk to be it a pastor, a very good friend or a professional. My mother sought a professional to help her get through all of her thoughts and emotions and it helped her tremendously. 

I am so sorry that you have to go through this loss. Many hugs and good thoughts headed your way.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Ask your neighbors/friends for help. People want to help but often don't know how. They go through turmoil as well, not wanting to infringe on your privacy yet they'll like to do something to ease your situation. I'm sorry for your loss, the rug has been yanked out and now you're scrambling. Please, do ask for help.


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## Jan1975 (Sep 7, 2015)

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I agree with the others. Take one thing at a time. Get help. Big hugs to you and your children.


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## ChitChatChet (Sep 9, 2013)

((hugs)) I am so sorry for your loss.

Have heard repeatedly that big decisions are best not made till a year has passed in such a loss.


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

I'm so sorry. You'll go through the whole gamut of emotions while grieving and this is ok. You'll probably even reach a stage where you get very angry at the whole situation and this is also normal. Talking to other people who have been through it and understand will help you immensely. I will warn you now that people who have never been through a devastating loss will say some things that make you want to tell them to shut up. Keep in the back of your mind that they are only trying to be helpful and just really don't know how. Hugs of comfort to you.


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## Hadassah (Nov 1, 2015)

Oh Aussiemom, my heart breaks for you. All I can do is send you many prayers for healing and support. Be kind to yourself and give others grace during this period as people will say things that they hope is comforting but will not come across as so.


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

aussiemum said:


> Well, as it says, i am really struggling one week after my husband died suddenly as a result of a motorbike racing accident right in front of me. It was the most awful thing I've ever seen or hope to see again. He was in first place on the start grid, took off a bit too slowly, the bike behind hit his bike and knocked him off, then another bike hit my husband as he lay on the ground and threw him into the air. It didnt kill him immediately, altho I thought it had, but he died in the ambulance on the way to hospital. My kids were with me at the racetrack but didnt see the actual accident. And we were 5 1/2 hours from home.
> 
> There's more to the whole story, but that's it in a nutshell. My husband has been riding motorbikes for 40+ years, started racing when he was 19 or 20 and has raced on and off since then, as well as regular motorbike racing, so he wasnt inexperienced. None of the other riders were to blame. It was just a horrible accident.
> 
> ...


Aussiemom.....my hearts breaking....

I can only imagine what you must be going through. I've been in some deep dark places....

Take deep breaths when you feel anxious....

Go for a long walk every day.

Shrinks really do help......

Wow......your loss is staggering......


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

So so sorry for your loss, you must be totally devastated right now. I echo what most others have said, if anyone offers to help, let them, people are only to happy to share the burden at these times. If you need help with something and no one has stood up, ask, especially his relatives and friends, they are feeling the same devastation, and so often people are shy to approach a newly bereaved person to offer to help, because they don't know what to say, but if you can give them a task then they are actually grateful to you.

Best way to sort things out is just start making a list, as things occur to you add them on, so you catch all those things. Then you start breaking it down into what HAS to be done now, and what can wait. What you have to do, what others can do for you, and what you need help with. Obviously sorting out the finances is important, but the shed etc, well that can wait.


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## greentree (Feb 27, 2013)

We are praying for your family. I am so sorry for your loss. Take your time and put one foot in front of the other. 
((hugs)))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

Thank you all. I do have so many people around who want to help, but apart from meals/shopping etc, which is being taken care of, there really is nothing anyone can do. It is just so overwhelming. We havent even had the funeral yet as the accident is being investigated by the Coroners Office, so it all takes a bit longer to release the body. The funeral is next Thursday and that is all I'm focussing on at the moment. Although my current worry is whether or not I want to view my husband again before the funeral, and if so whether I should let my kids, who are asking to see him. I had to identify him after the accident, and while there wasnt any obvious facial injuries, he had the breathing tube in and was a little knocked about, and I didnt spend any more time than I had to as I couldnt cope with it.
I feel like I want people around me, but then when they're here no one knows what to say, and if there's more than a couple it gets too much and I feel more alone the more people there are. I start crying at the smallest thing, but if I'm not upset when people are here I feel like they wonder why and how I'm doing so well.
Its just awful


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

More (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))


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## WendyJane (Jul 11, 2015)

If any of those people who want to help and support you have been through a loss before, have them come sit with you. They will understand that grief takes many forms and one minute you can be "okay" and the next a wet sopping mess. And they'll know that it's okay not to say anything, but to just be there.

Don't expect much of yourself that isn't necessary. Just get through what you have to right now and don't worry about what other people think or expect. 

Again, I am so sorry you and your children must go through this. No one should ever have to.


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

aussiemum, I am so sorry to hear your husband passed. 

My wife of 42 years died on Jan 3 this year, she was 59. Buried her Thursday in her home town where her family is. It was sudden for her as well, ER on friday afternoon and gone sunday afternoon. Friday evening was the last she spoke to us. I too am doing the I got to be strong for the kids and grandchildren. I cry more when talking to neighbors and people at the funeral home who were absolutly amazing, always asking if I needed anything or if there was anything they could do for me or my family even after the burial. Even the Pastor when I talked to him, telling him when we first met and 4 yrs later we met again and fell in Love. How good a wife and mother and grandmother she was and put family above all and went without for herself so the kids would have what they wanted and needed. And always supported me even during my foolish wants. 

I call and talk to her older sister alot this week and it helps cause they being the last two sisters they were very close. I also call and talk to my children also. My 5 year old grand daughts have been asking all week to stay overnight and it hurts to make excuses as to why they can't right now.

Don't be in a hurry to go through your husbands belonging, the day will come for that when you are ready. I have only been in the bedroom twice since sunday and that was to get the cordless phone so I don't have to get up out of the recliner to answer the phone and a fight with the cat to get off my lap.

I woke up yesterday morning the the cat was sleeping on my back. (been sleeping on the couch) My constant companion follows me all the time now and always meowing at me.

The viewing was Wednesday and I was there an hour early with family. I was holding her hand and talking to her when my one 5 yr.old granddaughter came up to us and asked me how do you talk to an Angel, I told her to go outside and pick a cloud, they sit on them keeping an eye on their family below. She asked again, How do you talk to an Angel? I noticed my wrist watchs second hand was moving forward, then backward, over and over. When she walked away from the casket my watch started running again. It lost 5 minutes. I haven't reset it.

One neighbor instead of flowers sent a windchime, she always liked them and had many through the years. They hung it on the chain going to the ceiling fan over the recliner and I am banging into the lower part of it getting to and out of the recliner and I told them I am going to move it, but I haven't, its pleasant sound is a reminder how she like to listen to them when the wind blowed.


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## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

aussiemum said:


> Thank you all. I do have so many people around who want to help, but apart from meals/shopping etc, which is being taken care of, there really is nothing anyone can do. It is just so overwhelming. We havent even had the funeral yet as the accident is being investigated by the Coroners Office, so it all takes a bit longer to release the body. The funeral is next Thursday and that is all I'm focussing on at the moment. Although my current worry is whether or not I want to view my husband again before the funeral, and if so whether I should let my kids, who are asking to see him. I had to identify him after the accident, and while there wasnt any obvious facial injuries, he had the breathing tube in and was a little knocked about, and I didnt spend any more time than I had to as I couldnt cope with it.
> I feel like I want people around me, but then when they're here no one knows what to say, and if there's more than a couple it gets too much and I feel more alone the more people there are. I start crying at the smallest thing, but if I'm not upset when people are here I feel like they wonder why and how I'm doing so well.
> Its just awful


 
You know your kids best so ultimately that will be your decision, but I will share what happened to me. 

My father was killed in a car accident. My mother was under sedation and the coroner happened to be related through marriage to us and was at our house. Being almost 18, I got permission to go identify the body in my mother's stead. It had to be done, but it affected me more than I thought it would.....negatively. I wish I hadn't had to do that, but it spared my mother further grief. 

If you set up the funeral and have a wake, you can always ask for a private viewing where the kids can see him like they remembered him rather than...how I saw my father. His wishes were to be cremated, so that was my last memory of him. 

Again, you know what your kids need far better than some stranger on the internet and I am sure you will make the best decision for them. If you feel a little fuzzy on that decision, talk with family to help.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

RegalCharm. So sorry for your loss as well, your story is so sad but so beautiful.

To both of you- try not to overthink it. DO accept help, don't worry about what other people may be thinking, they are sad as well.

aussiemum. I would really suggest reaching out for professional help, even through what you wrote here I can see how your mind is going a mile a minute, I'm sure none stop! If people are reaching out to you don't be afraid to lean on them.


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## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

I also know that there came a point where I wanted to scream "Get out of my house and leave us alone!" even though I knew they were only there for support and to grieve with us. Rude, irrational thoughts are completely normal and a part of the process. 

You know what made me cry at night? It will seem silly to people that haven't been there. My father always made coffee for himself after the 10 o'clock news. I could hear him in the kitchen from my bedroom. Not hearing those sounds the first month, always made me cry. 

You will get through this!


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## Whinnie (Aug 9, 2015)

I am so vey sorry. Please don't hesitate to ask those around you for help when you need it. People want to help but they often times don't know hat to do. YOu can even ask for hugs and a listening ear.


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## phantomhorse13 (Feb 18, 2011)

So very sorry for your loss. Treat yourself kindly and allow yourself to grieve in whatever way is right for you.


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## jkiss03 (Jul 9, 2012)

I am so truly sorry for your loss. Remember we all grieve differently. Your grief is OK. It will take time to be ok again don't rush it. Things will never be the same again but they will eventually be ok. Remember grief comes in waves so one moment you will be ok and the next a blubbering mess and that is normal. I lost my only sister in November 2012 and my mom and Step dad in the beginning of 2014. I saw a counselor for about 6 months after my mom's death. (((HUGS)))


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

aussiemum said:


> I feel like I want people around me, but then when they're here no one knows what to say, and if there's more than a couple it gets too much and I feel more alone the more people there are. I start crying at the smallest thing, but if I'm not upset when people are here I feel like they wonder why and how I'm doing so well.
> Its just awful


Exactly.


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## HombresArablegacy (Oct 12, 2013)

My most sincere sympathies to you and your family on the loss of your husband. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Please accept my condolences, and know that there is always someone here on the forum for you to talk to anytime you need to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

Everybody grieves a different way, and don't let anyone tell you to follow any schedule on when to do things. Each is different and you will know when it is time for you to go through your husbands belongings .

Healing time does not follow a specific time table.


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

RegalCharm my sympathies on the death of your wife. I'll add you and your family to my prayers that you can find the strength to pull you through the dark days.


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## Rowdyone (Sep 27, 2009)

I'm just so sorry. Prayers for you and yours.


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## elle1959 (Sep 7, 2015)

Aussiemom and RegalCharm, I don't have words to express how sorry I am for the losses both of you have experienced. It's difficult to lose someone we love like this. All of us will grieve in a different way, but allow yourselves lots and lots of space and time to go through the grief you experience; it is hard but necessary. Treat yourselves well. I wish I could wave a magic wand and just take all this pain away.


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## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

Thank you all again. I know I said about belongings etc, but its not something i'm planning to do soon, just one of the million things going thru my head. 

I am fully expecting that I will get some professional counselling at some stage. The police social worker has been in touch a couple times and I will probably start with her and see how we go. Ditto for my kids. Expecting that I'll need to do something for them, and their school is organsing someone for them to have access to during school hours as needed.

I've decided to let my kids see my husband and say goodbye, probably Tuesday, so a couple days before the funeral. They have been very insistent, and I think it may help them with the finality of it. It may also help me, but then again it may not. I have spoken with the kids at length to tell them they may feel worse afterwards, and that daddy wont look the same (unless the mortician is a good one and then he may look reasonably normal) because its not really daddy anymore, just his body, and what made him daddy is gone. I spoke to my mum about it and she was pretty supportive and will drive us to the funeral home for the viewing. I guess no one really knows if its the right thing or not til its done 

Thank you all for your comments. xx


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

I can tell you one thing. You are a GREAT mom.


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

I have experienced death over and over in my life. The one that hit me the hardest was my sisters death. It was so sudden and unexpected. You really are going to go through a lot of emotions and they will be bouncing all over the place. What really helps is people surrounding you and helping with things that takes the weight and burden off of you. I understand not asking for help. It's not a pride thing either, it's just not having the energy to ask. People have to just jump in and help in situations like this.

I'm really sorry for what happened to your family, I wish I could give you a real hug right now.


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## Kay Armstrong (Jun 28, 2015)

So sorry for your loss. Please feel free to share here. We will listen.


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## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

Thank you all again.
We had the private viewing today, and it was not as bad as I had feared. I went in first, and the mortician had done a pretty good job, but obviously there is only so much they can do, and a dead person will never look 'quite' right. I felt numb standing there, like it was a wax figure I was looking at. He just wasnt my husband anymore.

My youngest, who is 8, came in with me next, and she just looked for a couple seconds and said she was done. No tears, nothing to say, no questions.

My eldest, 11 yrs, came in next and she and I spent quite a while just talking together as we stood next to the coffin. She felt a bit shy I think, and it was only when she actually went to address him to say goodbye that we both lost it. I encouraged her to touch his hand if she wanted, and she did, just to feel, as I knew this was something she'd been wondering (my 8 year old now wants to go back and touch him  ). She also had lots of questions and was studying his face very closely, although he was covered by a fine net, to (I think) hide some of the blemishes they couldnt cover up. I did lift it back for a short time so she could see, but I think that was a bit too confronting.

Neither child spoke too much about it for the rest of the day, but just now at bedtime I reckon i had to answer 45 mins of questions about different aspects. It is just exhausting.

But I feel glad that they, and I, have had the chance to say our goodbyes, even if silently. My eldest is quite concerned that daddy is just sleeping and everyone has missed it and he is going to wake up in the crematorium  I just cant go into the finer details of what an autopsy is, as I dont want to put those images in their heads, so I cant reassure her 100% that this is not possible.

This just feels never ending. I know the funeral wont be the 'end' of all this by any means, but I am just focussing on getting thru that and then start slowly building our lives as a new family unit.


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

The cruel aspect of life is death. Aussiemum, I'm praying for you, your children and your family. I hope that you can find some understanding and comfort in this time.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

I am so sorry for ALL of you who have told us about your recent losses. Hugs sent to all of you. My MIL, who had had several miscarriages (told me) that she had no words to pray when her youngest daughter (at 16yo) was suffering from Hodgkins disease. Many of her prayers were "Oh, God..." There are no words that can comfort you, but I pray that God will comfort you and send you people to comfort you and help you in your hour of need.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

AussieMum and RegalCharm, I am so sorry for your losses. 

I was 12 when my mother died of a terminal illness, and I remember having the same feelings as your eldest, Aussie. I had vivid dreams where she came back and said she’d just been away, she wasn’t really gone. Reading that brought tears to my eyes because I remember so vividly what it was like. 

It’s the start of a long process, but with time they will be OK. Like others have said, now is the time to grieve and help your children grieve the loss of their father. It’s tempting to look upwards at this giant mountain in front of you, made of all the long nights and tears and the processes you have to go through legally and financially – it looks insurmountable when you do that, and that adds to the weight of something that is already crushing. 

One step at a time. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Everything will get taken care of in its own good time. It feels agonizingly slow in the beginning, like holding onto a handrail for dear life to take one step. But one step becomes five. Five steps become ten. Ten steps become a hundred, and onward. 

Don’t try to do everything yourself. Your biggest asset right now is your support network. If you’re having trouble thinking of ways people can help, try sitting down with a piece of paper and a pen, and writing sentences that start with “I need”. If it’s something that can be delegated to someone else wanting to help, delegate it. 

If you need to talk, please feel free to PM. You are not alone.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Mulefeather said:


> If you’re having trouble thinking of ways people can help, try sitting down with a piece of paper and a pen, and writing sentences that start with “I need”. If it’s something that can be delegated to someone else wanting to help, delegate it.


Great idea


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## Remali (Jul 22, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, aussiemum. We all handle our loss in different ways, and sometimes we are much stronger than we ever imagined. It's been quite a few years now, but within a five year period I lost every single member of my immediate family, and then some (well, with the exception of a sister whom I have not seen since 2007 and who, I know, I will never see again). I had a small circle of wonderful friends who were there for me, my pets and my friends helped me greatly. It sounds like you also have some good people in your life to be there for you, it's good to have a support network.

Regal Charm, I am so sorry for your loss, as well... I liked what you said about speaking to an angel and picking out a cloud.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

So very sorry for your tragic loss. I have no advice to give only best thoughts & wishes for you and your children.


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## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

I want to say again thank you all for your replies, and to those that PM'ed me as well. 
It's 9 weeks today since my husband was killed. We've managed to get thru the funeral, first month, valentine's day and, last Sunday, his birthday, closely followed by 2nd month mark. So many huge 'landmarks' that I could never see myself getting through in those first couple weeks.
So, I'm still here, doing better than I ever imagined I could be. I guess I am 'stronger' than I thought - although I hate that word 'strong'. I am not trying to be strong, I am just doing what I have to do for myself and my kids, which is get up each day, put one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on. So if that makes me strong, then fine. I cant really see that I have much other choice. Cant just stay in bed and ignore the kids, much as some days I'd like to.

I've also just started studying part time, in preparation for either returning to work or to further study. Not sure what I want to do, but the course I'm doing is designed for women who've been out of the workforce for a while, to get their skills and confidence up and plan for the future. Have literally only done a half day last week, plus some work at home, so still getting my head around it.

I also visited a Reiki/spiritual healer last week. This might be a bit controversial for some, and I wasnt sure exactly what I would get out of it, but a friend of my husband's who was there with me at the accident and has been looking out for me ever since, recommended this reiki woman as he saw her after his mum died.

I went in with an open mind but not really expecting much, but it soon became apparent that my husband was communicating through her. There were things he told her that she couldnt have otherwise known, from small details about our house, to personal things about our relationship, and details of the accident/injuries that havent been published anywhere.

So it was very emotional and intense for me, but so so wonderful at the same time. He said he is still watching over me and watching our girls, and passed on messages of love and regret at the accident.

I know many of you will find this hard to believe, and I would have been the same if it hadn't happened to me. I took great comfort from the session and even though it made me very emotional, it made me happy too. Not that I'm not still sad, because I am, but it's a different sadness knowing that he is still around me and not just lost forever. I am not a religious person, so I dont believe in heaven as such, but I guess I am 'spiritual' in that I have always hoped that when we died it wasn't just lights out, end of story, and this has confirmed that for me.

I know the girls and I still have a long hard road ahead, but I know now that we can make it through the ups and downs and we will, one day, be happy again.

Just want to share my post from my facebook page the other day too (this was two days before I went to the reiki/spiritual healer): 

" It’s been two months since that awful day that will be forever burned in my memory.
That’s 60 nights of going to bed on my own and hating how empty and quiet my bed is without you breathing next to me. 60 days without hearing your voice and your laugh, without feeling the touch of your hand, your lips, your body. 60 days of watching our children miss their daddy so much it’s breaking my heart over and over again. 60 days of not being able to share the joys or the worries and struggles of raising our beautiful girls. 60 days of realising and appreciating too late how much you did for us without being asked or complaining. 
60 nights of rushing the kids through their bedtime routine only to then have my evening stretch out long and lonely in front of me. 60 mornings of forcing myself out of bed to put up a front and get through the day even on days when I just want to scream and throw things and hide. 60 days of never knowing when the tears are going to come and how long they’ll last this time. 
60 days of no one knowing and understanding me quite like you did. 60 days of feeling so alone even in a room full of people. 60 days of wishing to forget for just one second, but never getting that relief.
60 days of trying to find my way to a new normal in a world without you.
60 days and 60 thousand ways of missing you. "


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## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

aussiemum said:


> I also visited a Reiki/spiritual healer last week. This might be a bit controversial for some, and I wasnt sure exactly what I would get out of it, but a friend of my husband's who was there with me at the accident and has been looking out for me ever since, recommended this reiki woman as he saw her after his mum died.
> 
> 
> > Just for the record, I don't see that as controversial or strange at all. There are so many things in this world that we can't explain or begin to understand.... I am glad it is helping you!


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Aussiemom and Regal Charm, I am so sorry for both your losses, as well as those that have shared theirs here.

My very dear friend and coworker said good bye to her husband just over a year ago. It was a slow good bye, he had pancreatic cancer (only 50 and very fit and health conscious and NO history of it in the family). During the last few months of Brian's life, I had become friends with a Reiki/spiritualist practitioner and set up sessions for him with her. It was amazing what comfort and relief from pain he experienced. I only wish Julie's and my path had crossed sooner, for his sake.

I also see her for pain issues and have experienced some pretty interesting things which I won't go into here. I just want to say that I do not find it odd and that the body and mind are very powerful and still there are so many mysteries we haven't answered concerning them. 

After watching and being there for my widowed friend, all I can say is don't take on too much at once. One day, sometimes one hour, is all that can be dealt with and that's okay. 

My friend is finding her footing and you will too. I will keep you in my thoughts.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

I am so, so sorry for your tragic loss. I cannot begin to imagine how overwhelming this feels. 

I didn't read all the posts because I am making supper for my kids right now, but I hope you have loved ones near you. As someone who just lost a close friend, I know there are so many of us who want to help her husband get through it, but he seems reluctant to ask. Lean on people around you - they want to feel useful in this difficult time. And you will need the help, a lot of it. Hugs.


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

aussiemum said:


> I know the girls and I still have a long hard road ahead, but I know now that we can make it through the ups and downs and we will, one day, be happy again.


I know the road seems long and hard right now.....but just maybe, not to long from now, something might happen in your life that makes that road an easy road........and just as quickly as this tragedy happened......something could happen just as fast to bring you much joy.

I give to you a message of hope. Hang in there....take one day at a time, and you will one day, be happy once again. The three greatest things in the world are, Faith, Hope, and Love.


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

If home is where my heart is then I am out of place.
by Mercy


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM98oFIrwQA



For those who were left behind.


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

My hearts been broken more than a few times....but I haven't lost a spouse yet.

I can only imagine how much it must hurt.

I suspect I'm not the only one praying for the two of you. I hope you find some joy soon.....


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## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

RegalCharm said:


> If home is where my heart is then I am out of place.
> by Mercy
> 
> 
> ...



Thank you. I am not religious, but that song is very beautiful regardless.


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## aussiemum (Apr 11, 2013)

Thank you for continued thoughts. It is getting a little easier day to day, but there are obviously still hard times when all i want to do is curl into a ball and cry. Seeing my counsellor is definitely helping, as did seeing the spiritual healer. It has given me more comfort than I thought, knowing my husband is still around us even if we cant see and touch him anymore.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

I do believe that the 'life force' of a person remains, it only makes sense, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, the earthly body returns and is recycled, but the energy that makes that person who they are, well I guess that gets recycled as well. I find this reassuring, I believe that it is gradually recycled when it is time, so I don't find it at all strange or weird that such energy stays with loved ones for a while.

He will be around until he thinks you can manage on your own, however long that is


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

A Danish study says it is really true that your heart breaks when you loose a significant other. Heart rates of the survivor can either beat slower or faster, increases chance of heart disease and can last for a year.

Hope this link works.

Loss of a significant other causes changes in heart-beat - Windstream


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