# Maybe I'm just not teachable



## WhattaTroublemaker (Aug 13, 2013)

This is a little rant/self loath kind of thing. I'm frustrated. I rode Trouble for the second time this year today, and realized how badly I need to improve my seat. I got online and talked to a few horsey friends, and got into a lesson for that evening(lucky right) with a new coach. My old coach is now over an hour away and has no positions open. With my old coach I also found I wasn't actually improving. I was on a horse I didn't match with, paying X amount of dollars to do lunge line lessons for six months. 

So. I messaged her and explained my situation clearly. I need a weekly lesson to help improve my seat and gain some confidence past the trot. She had free time tonight and offered to have me come down and check the place out, take a lesson and decide if I wanted to stick. So I did. 

I thought I had a great lesson! She put me on a monster TB (16.3 hands)and I was out of my comfort zone but I was comfortable- if that makes sense. We did do some lunge line work with no stirrups, she actually placed my leg and explained how to truly sit deep in the saddle and bounce with the horse, not against him. She was very hands on - which I like. I ended the lesson feeling great, not scraped up and feeling defeated like I'm used to. We set up a weekly time and we were good to go. 

Then, around 10pm I get this message: 

"Hi ******, I hate to have to inform you but I don't think you're going to be a good fit here at ****** *****. I wish you luck in finding a coach to suit your needs. Don't worry about the payment for tonight's lesson, it's on us."

I don't know what to think. I've been sitting here trying not to feel bad, trying to figure out what I did wrong to make them think I wouldn't be good. She was friendly, hands on, never showed a hint of hesitation when teaching me. Their facilities and horses were great. She even introduced me to all the horses and explained their personalities and quirks. I messaged her back asking why she thought that, and it came up "seen" and she didn't answer. it's disheartening.


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## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

Ouch, that hurts but it may not be all on you. Some barns focus on showing & getting their name out & a lot of barns do not focus on those who need the basics. I've seen tons of lessons where I thought the rider did really well & all the instructor did was point out easy stuff like 'thumbs up.'
You'd be surprised how many trainers only train trained horses or people.
Maybe she doesn't want to put on her thinking cap or it could be they don't have any horses who tolerate off lunge line rider mistakes.

You could try asking her why again. Maybe something along these lines.

"Hi, Trainer. I really enjoyed my lesson with you but if you feel I would not be a good fit I respect your decision. It would be helpful to me though if you could give me an evaluation of my riding so I can hopefully find someone who can meet those needs. 
I know I need help so any insight you can give me won't hurt my feelings but may help to send me on the right path to improve.
I appreciate the free lesson & the time you spent.
Thanks, -----"


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

What? That's awful! Pming you with the name of someone who worked with me and Kodak. She's very focused on "centered riding", ie, communicating well with your horse. She will travel to you and was only charging me 30$ per lesson! Don't give up, this makes no sense to me. 

On Saturday I joined in on my daughter's lesson group. It was a last-minute thing, but there's another adult rider there so I thought it would be fun. Even though like you, I ride at home, but I know my position isn't very good. I had a ball! Have been sore since, but I think I will learn a lot. The coach was correcting me a lot, but that's ok. My daughter got a big kick out of it and loved having me in the group (at first I thought it would annoy her, but nope, she wants me to join in again). I can guarantee I'm not a great rider, but the coach is very willing to help me improve. So that's two places you can ride without judgment or caps on how many riders they will work with.

Bottom line: I don't know who this person is, but you need to find someone else. Maybe she just wants to work with someone who will be competing this summer, or maybe you don't have the same goals. There are lots of people who will work with you to achieve your own goals. Don't give up.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

That's odd. But realize a lot of horse people have poor people skills. Someone with better business skills would have handled this differently.

I like natisha's response. But if you don't get a reply, don't take it on yourself. Find another coach. And it sounds like Acadianartist may have a suggestion.

I paid a coach several times who really disliked me. She still does. Insulted me, and the horses I rode (several were in for rehab, so had their own funky things going on). But, I'm thick-skinned and she _had_ to accept me, or anyone, as a student per her contract, which wasn't renewed because of her poor customer service.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

I really think, Whatta - and everyone else should be aware of this - that this is not a reflection on you. If this happened at the barn I think it happened at, I have two friends who were also told not to return because the coach was "focusing on competitive riders". My friends are adult beginners who have no intention of ever showing. They just want to have fun. This particular barn doesn't want those riders. I have other stories about this place, but I'll keep those for private conversations with Whatta since I don't know for a fact that this is where she went.


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

Natisha is right especially in the 1st paragraph but this trainer should have been honest with you to your face and offered more of an explanation! That text she sent you was a "cop out", she was too much of a coward to tell you her real reasons (whatever they are) to your face. Very unprofessional and wimpy! This is NOT your fault.


No, you are NOT un-teachable! Do not let this one, rude, unprofessional instructor stop you from obtaining your goals and do not 
blame yourself!


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

I second @natisha- but if you don't get a response the 2nd time around, just don't even bother. Sounds like that trainer isn't the right trainer for you, let alone anyone. I certainly wouldn't want a trainer like that.

Don't say you're un-teachable, you aren't! Don't let her bring you down or think ill of yourself. It sounds like SHE has the issues, not you. Especially if she didn't even write you back. Sounds like you dodged a bullet actually.

There's better coaches out there.  Her loss!!!


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## DanteDressageNerd (Mar 12, 2015)

That REALLY disturbs me that someone would let you come for a lesson, check out the place and then send an email saying don't come back because you don't fit in. To me that's unacceptable and honestly I wouldn't want to be somewhere where I'm not welcomed.

I wouldn't even waste pleasantries with them and just move on. That is terribly rude :-/ and cowardly, you deserve better treatment. Wont even respond to why she wont let you come back, I wouldn't want to be there. All money is good and people and horses shouldn't be treated more or less for it. I know of barns in my area where they only accept horses trained to a certain point but it's only because the "trainer" can't ride anything that's under that point and honestly ruins anything she touches. She'd be one who'd treat a customer like that, I say good riddance to bad rubbish and onto better things.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

If you look at it from a business perspective, it makes sense. If the barn is geared towards competition and you don't want to compete, it makes sense for them to politely thank you and excuse themselves from the working relationship. However, they did know what you were after so it makes no sense that they booked your lesson. 

In any case, the bottom line is that they, for whatever reason, think that they wouldn't be able to provide good service for your needs and they informed you of the fact, however clumsily.

I know that I would hate getting lessons at a competition-oriented yard when all I want to do is learn how to hack safely. Hopefully you will find a better match soon.

(Just an example: I'm a programmer. I know how to make websites for small businesses. But my business is set up to cater to large businesses and I focus on consulting on a specific part of those - not websites. If I took on a website for a small business, it would: a) loose me money because I can sell my time at a higher rate than a small website warrants and b) give the small client an inferior service because, even though I know how to make them, I don't exactly keep on the cutting edge of technology for something I don't need. I hope I'm making sense)


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## horseluvr2524 (Sep 17, 2013)

Weird. I've never heard of that. And I even had lessons with a top-rated jumping trainer, and my horse and I were green as grass in the jump ring!

Sounds like people I wouldn't want to be associated with. If I were you, I would move on. I'm actually in the middle of moving barns right now, and among MANY other reasons, one of them is that BO/trainer is VERY condescending to my mother which makes her upset, me angry, and does not provide an uplifting environment for her to learn in!


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## jgnmoose (May 27, 2015)

They might have done you a favor. If you have to "fit the program", that might not be what you want if you had been accepted. 

Internet advice warning. One of those $20 yoga balls really helped me learn to balance with my core from my hips to my ribs. I even started sitting on it and messing around while watching TV. YMMV.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I think it's important to understand that we're only getting one half of the story. We don't know what the trainer was thinking, and we don't know why they made that decision. A rider takes an introductory lesson to determine whether the trainer and facilities are for them, but the street goes both ways. I'm not sure why they're being demonized in this thread for turning away business--that's their decision. 

I can understand how Whatta would feel discouraged, but don't! You're not unteachable by any means, and there is program and a trainer out there for you, if that's what you're in the market for!
Do you have any "horsey" friends in the area who may be willing to give you some referrals?


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## WhattaTroublemaker (Aug 13, 2013)

Thanks guys. I'm assuming she doesn't want me because I'm not a competitor. However, I stated that's very clearly in my message before I went. The barn was pretty showy, with a lot of high end warmbloods. I just wish she would have told me in my lesson or before I went. Actually, I wish she would have just told me that, anytime. 

Thanks to @Acadianartist, I think I may have found someone to fit my needs  thanks girl! 

I guess I was just a little sad last night. I don't hold it against the facility/trainer, but she could have shown common courtesy.


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## WhattaTroublemaker (Aug 13, 2013)

On another note, I picked myself up today with a little ride on Trouble. It made me realize how forgiving he is. He's my heart horse, a little rusty on some stuff but we'll get there, with or without a trainer!


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

So glad you're back on track Whatta! This is a tough sport we practice. You go into these barns and see all these highly competitive people (some of them just kids) and it's hard to compare yourself to them. You're far younger than I am, so just think about how a 46 year old feels in that environment! It's easy to get discouraged. 

In my case, it was really helpful to see another adult rider take the leap before me. And it helps that she has a great sense of humour and we laugh at each other's failures, but encourage each other when we do well! I was surprised too at how the younger rider really wanted to help me. I figured for sure they would just laugh - but no, they would give me tips on how to keep my balance, etc. And of course the coach is understanding, if a little tough. 

Do let us know how it works out! 

And in the end, yes, it's all about your relationship with your horse. I was still too sore to ride yesterday, so I did groundwork with both horses last night. It wasn't perfect, like in the videos (why, oh why do they always make those videos with horses that are ALREADY trained to do the right thing?), but I spent time with my babies and that's really the most important thing. 

No one said having horses was the easiest way to pad your ego... in fact, it's one of the most humbling things I've ever done!


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## Captain Evil (Apr 18, 2012)

I felt that e-mail in the pit of my stomach, even though it had nothing to do with me. I'm so happy that you are back in the saddle, so to speak, and didn't let that e-mail knock you down too long. I would still be whimpering and licking my wound.

The dressage barn where I worked turned people away all the time. They kept me, but I suspect it was because I cleaned stalls for my lessons, and they desperately needed the help. Anyone else who didn't compete was moved along. 

I love that you got something out of the lesson though, _proof_ that you are anything but unteachable! AND you know where your needs are and where you want to focus your attention, AND you have already found a new trainer! I'd love to know how that goes.


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## WhattaTroublemaker (Aug 13, 2013)

Thanks cap'n! 
I've had a rough history with trainers. My first trainer was a doll but she only had two horses I could ride- one was "too broke" and I graduated from her very quickly. She was a point and go horse that I couldn't improve on anymore, and the second was too much horse for my skill level, so I was stuck between riding a dead head and riding a horse that I was uncomfortable on. What's worse, he learned I was a nervous rider so he'd take off into a lope on the long end of the arena and lope around with me death gripping the saddle until she could stop him. 

My second trainer was also a wonderful woman, but I was at the point where I hated to go. I was teamed up with a mare who disliked me greatly, and I her. She would scrape me on walls, grab the bit and power trot around the arena with me bouncing along with no control. We finally downgraded to lunge line lessons and I was stuck there for months. Some days she would be fine, others she would (I swear to god) try to bounce me off her back. She would do this weird thing where she would drop her outside shoulder way down, and the effect almost vaulted me out of the saddle a few times. It's like her front end would drop out from underneath me suddenly. I paid for nearly four and a half months of this when I called it quits because I didn't have the money to waste. Nothing improved. If anything, my confidence was blown and I started to hate riding. 
I was also turned down by someone who came out to do a lesson with me and Trouble. I hate to jump to conclusions, but I feel it was because we weren't made of money. She was quite snoopy, turned her nose up at our barn, asked about his lineage (he's a appXpaint cross) vocalized about how the paint horse shouldn't be crossed with _appaloosas_ and that backyard breeders like that should be taken to court. I happen to know the people who've bred Trouble personally and they've bred some WONDERFUL temperaments into their animals. Four of Troubles siblings are therapy horses and lesson horses for children. I was a bit insulted. She also felt the need to tell me my bridle wasn't "enough for my horse" and he "deserved better", so recommended me one. I googled it and it was $299! I never called her back. 

So I'm pretty sick of trainers. However, I feel I'd like like to be able to ride a good, smooth schoolmaster to gain some of my Old seat back.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Sometimes business owners need to keep clientele to certain types and kinds, especially in the horse world where you may have a very show-focused barn, and the next may just be all pleasure horses that people dink around on. 

I would try not to take it personally - she was kind enough to write and let you know rather than letting you wonder, snapping, or being unkind to you, or taking your money and just letting you be the one to suffer through it. There are many dishonest horse folks out there who would gladly have taken your money and let you stew, or would have written back something unkind and made you feel worse. 

It is possible she may not have had the time or ability to give you the attention you needed as she saw it. Not all instructors are able to work with the needs of every student. 

It's possible to write back and say "Thank you for letting me know, and I appreciate your honesty. Would it be possible for you to recommend someone else in our area that you feel would be more appropriate to my current skill level and goals?" 

This might put you on the path to another trainer that is more suitable.


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

Glad you had a good ride & it made you feel better. Always helps getting in the saddle.  All our troubles (coincidental?!) seem to go away.

Exactly, with or without one you will make it!


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## Smilie (Oct 4, 2010)

Not much to add to what everyone has said.
Keep your chin up, and dedicate and try,like you have with Trouble, will win out in the end
You need to find the right trainer, one who likes to work with riders just wishing to improve their general riding and training skills, versus someone that needs to have those professional students out there winning, thus proving them to be good in that discipline.
It is not unlike some established trainers in any discipline, choosing as to which horses they will even take into their training program, and insisting on a commitment of several months of training, as their name gets attached to that end result, far as how the horse performs.
These are not trainers that are just general good colt starters, so the wrong choice for someone that just wants to have a good start put on a recreational horse
Similarly, you need to find that coach who enjoys helping people learn basics, who makes that learning fun, and who has a great knack of mixing any criticizm with an equal amount of positive feed back, thus making that learning experience enjoyable , while encouraging that student, versus the opposite


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