# I think I'm losing interest in horses.



## HunterEq95 (Jun 26, 2015)

I'll try not to write a book!

I'm 21 years old and have been around horses pretty much my entire life. I don't really remember a time that I didn't have a horse. Although my family has owned horses for decades and I was always exposed to them and rode them from the time I was able to, I didn't really get involved with and start really enjoying them until I was 10 and started taking hunter/jumper lessons. My family just pleasure rides Western, and that never really was my thing, especially since it was pretty much all walk-only trail rides and I've always liked more of a challenge. I was also born with hip issues and developed knee issues over time, and sitting in the saddle in the same position for very long causes pain for me. I realized that hunter/jumper was a lot of fun for me and for awhile, it was my life and all I could think about. I had an accident at 13 that prevented me from being able to ride for a couple of months, and I lost all of my confidence and had to start from square one by trail riding on dead-broke horses. I found a rescued Missouri Fox Trotter gelding that I fell in love with and who could probably never do anything but trail ride, and he ended up being one of the best horses I ever had, and I had some of the most enjoyable rides of my life on him. He was one of the very few horses who ever made trail riding enjoyable for me (albeit our trail rides weren't walk-only and had a little more adventure to them) and him and I clicked perfectly. He ended up passing away a couple of years later and I've only had a handful of truly enjoyable rides ever since. 

I noticed a couple of years ago after I graduated high school that I didn't really enjoy riding anymore. I didn't want to admit it at the time because I was still very interested in horses and wanted to get back into hunter/jumper very badly, but I couldn't help but notice that riding had become more like a chore than an enjoyable hobby for me and that I had to drag myself outside to go ride, and once I was on the horse, I couldn't wait to get back off. It got to where I didn't want to be on a horse for any longer than 15 minutes. I did start giving riding lessons during that time and I absolutely loved teaching others how to ride and handle horses, but I didn't want much to do with riding, myself.

Due to personal reasons, I had to move away from home unexpectedly and abruptly a year later, and my family life wasn't the best, so I stayed away from my family and just took a break from the horses for awhile. I realize now that I didn't even miss it that much, and that a lot of the stress from my life went away when I left horses behind. Now that I was just recently able to move my horses to a boarding barn close to where I live, I feel like it was a huge mistake and that my passion for horses has just run its course. I don't even enjoy being around ANY horses at ALL anymore. They are like a nuisance to me now, and I get a horrible feeling in my stomach even visiting any type of horse facility or being around horses at all. Going to this new barn is like a chore to me and my mind tries to find any excuse not to go. The barn owner is also very opinionated and her opinions and mine are very different. I just pretty much mind my own business and do what I want to do regarding my horses, but I'm stressed out about there being a potential conflict, especially since this is my first time ever boarding and all I've ever heard about boarding barns is that they're full of drama and conflict. I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible by just keeping to myself. I don't enjoy being around even my own horses at all, even though I know I still love and care about them. I'm just too stressed out to enjoy them. 

I know that my self confidence is very low because I think I'm a terrible rider and that there's really no point in starting all over again from square 1 when I just got made fun of when I did that before, and I've been told a lot of nasty things by other horse people regarding my riding, horses, personal choices regarding my horses, etc. There is a lot I dislike about the horse community because of my experiences with these types of people, and I sometimes wonder if it would be best for me to just get out of it. I really don't want to get rid of my horses because I love them and I know I'd end up regretting it, but I don't want them to stress me out this bad either. I really want to just be able to enjoy them again, but I don't even know where to begin. I've probably let things people have said get to me too much, but it's easier for me to just try to avoid drama and negativity than to ignore it, and sometimes it seems unavoidable. 

Sorry for the book, as I am a very descriptive person and get carried away sometimes. Has anyone else gone through this or something similar, and what did you do about it if you did? I just want to be able to really enjoy it like I used to and to quit stressing out about it. Thank you in advance!


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## RhiannaShea (Aug 8, 2016)

Hey I lost interest when I lost all my confidence two years ago, now I'm back on the saddle (poor skills haha) I moved my horse onto a different yard and started again, I've gone from doing nothing but muck out and feed my mare, to lunging and riding again, to spending hours at the yard just with her, I've also stopped listening to anyone else but one person and it's got so much easier, the new start really helped, I don't think i'd be doing anything with her if I hadn't moved


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## NavigatorsMom (Jan 9, 2012)

First off, I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted about this. I think it is somewhat common for people to go through a phase where horses are less of a priority, or even lose interest completely. But, you said yourself "I just want to be able to really enjoy it like I used to". To me, that says that you aren't ready to give up riding/horses completely, and might just need to take some time off. Some people take years off from horses, by choice or necessity, and will come back to it when they are ready. 

If you have a horse and aren't ready to sell it and take a break, you could always look into leasing it out on a full lease. Then you would still have the horse and could visit when you wanted, but in the mean time someone else could look after it and keep it in shape.

Others may have actually experienced this and can give you better advice. Remember though, it is your decision and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Do what makes you happy in life, there isn't enough time to push yourself to do things that don't interest you. Good luck!


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

Don't beat yourself up! Nothing wrong with having a change of interests. There will be plenty of time later for you to try that again if you want to and certainly will be nice to be free of the responsibility for awhile, especially if you find them homes where they'd be appreciated or where you could visit if wished. Good time for you to learn that you can make life be what you want it to be, think it out, go for it. If that turns out not to be the right decision, examine it, figure out what would have been better and try again. Keep trying for many years and, if lucky and hardworking, probably finally someday, hopefully sooner than later, you'll be in a place and a life you love. Best wishes!


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## gottatrot (Jan 9, 2011)

From what you've written, it doesn't sound like you have lost interest in horses. Instead, it sounds like you want to get away from a stressful situation and are using a self protective mechanism. 

It is a common escape route, to blame something related to a situation rather than the situation itself. If a house is dirty and the person has cats, someone might think cats are dirty. In reality, the situation is a dirty house with cats in it. 

It sounds to me like you have your horses in a situation that is stressful for you. You want out, and the only option you see is getting rid of your horses. Yet you still love your horses and worry that you will regret this decision. I'd consider whether you have truly thought of all the options and how to get into a better situation where you enjoy the horses more. I'd write down what the most difficult things are for you and see if there are any ways to avoid these or change them. Think about whether you'd enjoy your horses if you had them in another situation where you felt comfortable and there was less stress. 

A friend of mine wondered if she was losing interest in horses. Her horse was turning every ride into a stressful situation because the horse was very difficult to ride. She was losing her nerve and doubting herself as a rider. This was not because she was disinterested in horses, but because the horse was wrong for her and the only way out she saw was to distance herself from horses and riding to avoid the situation. She gave the horse to her mom and found a horse that fit her personality and didn't stress her out. That helped her realize she still enjoyed horses very much, she just hadn't enjoyed that situation.

You don't need to feel that you must stick with horses if you don't enjoy them. But try to determine if this is truly the case, or if you just are in a bad situation which involves horses.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Honestly, I think you should seriously consider selling or, as Navigatorsmom suggests, free leasing your horses out. That might sound odd coming from a horse person, but to really enjoy horses, you have to feel like it's your choice to be with them. Right now, it sounds like they are more of a chore and a moral obligation. I understand that you love them, but if you lease them out, you can always take them back. Maybe just try leasing them out for a year - let someone else work with them, pay the bills, etc. while you focus on other things for a while

This is the only way you'll ever really know if you want horses in your life or not. Keeping them because you feel you have to or because you still love them is only going to add to the resentment you feel. You grew up with horses so you never had to wish for one. My daughter is a little similar to you - she likes to ride sometimes, but not as much as me and she doesn't like to do anything else with the horses. I, on the other hand, went without horses for about 20 years so I want to be with them all the time. I try to respect her and even though we bought her a horse, I also knew she might outgrow this and that's totally ok because I love both our horses and would have them even if she wasn't into horses. 

I had horses growing up, but sold my last horse when I left home and went to university. There was just no way to make that work (my parents weren't horsey and were not going to keep him for me, and anyway, I moved to a different town to go to university). It was the best thing to do. I was able to find my passion which led to an exciting career, travel the world thanks to my work (I lived in Europe for a while), write a couple of books, meet a lot of amazing people, pursue other passions as well, and have two babies. If I had kept having horses, I would not have done any of those things. Now, I am well-established in my profession, my kids are old enough to be a little more independant, I am tired of travelling, and am comfortable enough financially to afford the barn I want and the horses I want to be cared for in the way I want. I am also ready for new challenges, and horses and riding are providing that for me right now. I just would not have had the energy to do everything I did over the last 20 years AND have horses. Also, at my age, I could care less what people think of my riding! My daughter jumps and I love watching her, but I just want to quietly do my thing and will not be competing. 

I really think you need a break from it so you can figure out if you really want horses, or if it was just something your parents did. You can always come back to horses in a few years. And hey, if you're not sure, you can always lease your horses for a shorter period, like 6 months, with occasional visiting privileges.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

I agree with GottaTrot, because it sounds like you don't enjoy the situations you've come to associate with horses, rather than the horses themselves. 

Number one, it's OK to want to change or get out of a hobby. Maybe it would work to have your horses be leased for a few months, and give yourself the option to do other things. Then, at the end of 2, 4, or 6 months (or longer), if you miss it, you can end the leases and continue on. 

I would recommend trying some other disciplines and types of horses, too. I think sometimes people lose sight of the fact that there is an entire WORLD of horse stuff out there, and you don't have to stick with just one facet of that world. Personally, H/J is not my bag. I started out there and quickly figured out it was not for me. Not the horses, not the people, not the riding. It's taken time and a lot of experimentation, but I feel like I've found my niche in the draft horse world. I love driving, love the horses, love the people, and I'm enjoying myself a lot. I just bought a Haflinger gelding for driving. 

If you can't ride for longer than a few minutes, why not try driving? This also gives you the opportunity to work with a wider range of horses - you can drive everything from a mini to a draft horse. If you can buy or borrow a big enough cart, you can also take friends along!


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

I can understand where you're coming from so don't feel alone. Riding injuries, family issues and your first experience with boarding and then, the never- ending-barn-drama are probably all coming together to make horses feel like a negative part of your life.

I've been boarding for decades and can tell you that even in the best circumstances, it's a real pain sometimes. I myself have finally moved my horses to a private farm where they board very few horses, do not advertise, vet new boarders carefully and accept no barn drama. 

The difference is amazing as every other boarding stable I've been with has been like _going back to high school and contending with a bunch of rotten teenagers (and I'm talking about the adults!_:sad: ) You are doing the right thing keeping your head down and trying not to get involved but it still has an effect. I was like you, dreading going there (the old stable) and that was making my horse experience no fun at all.

There is no reason to feel guilty. You have some choices. Leasing as others have said but unless you lease to someone you know very well, you will have to keep an eye on the situation and that's sometimes more work than it's worth. Reduce the number of horses you have and concentrate on your favorite. Search out and find a different boarding situation although I will admit that it took me 3 years to find my new spot and that ended up through "word of mouth". Boarding in a place that is rampant with malicious gossip and barn drama is debilitating all on it's own.

At my age I can tell you that with time, you will grow a tougher skin when dealing with the nay-sayers-please work on that!! Life is soooo much more enjoyable once you get to the point where you simply don't care about the opinions of idiots you don't respect.


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## Change (Jul 19, 2014)

Having also grown up with horses at home, I too found boarding to be uncomfortable and difficult. So uncomfortable, in fact, that I gave up on having horses until I was again in a position to have them at home.

I won't advocate for a decision or even suggest what might be best for you. I spent close to 20 years, though, without having horses in my life and I truly regret the time I lost.


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