# mean riding instructor



## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Different stroke for different folks!! 

If you don't like it find a new place. Horseback riding should be enjoyable, not torture. Likewise, you need an instructor who will cater to your needs. 

Personally, I like instructors who are harder on me and really push me to my limits. I don't mind being told "Hey, that looked like crap", so long as they aren't rude.


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## EchoAttack (Apr 6, 2014)

I'm sorry you had such a horrible lesson! That's never fun.

Honestly, I can see where both of you are coming from. From my perspective, sometimes I just need to get over it/ get over myself in order to overcome my fears. That being said, I don't have an anxiety disorder and that still doesn't justify the instructor being harsh towards you. 

I think you should talk to the instructor before writing her off completely. It may be possible that this is the attitude she takes with other students and it works for them. I REALLY don't like that she told you that you aren't cut out to be a rider. I think that if she seems truly knowledgable and like she could really help you out, then it's worth talking to her. If she only seemed "meh", then I'd move on, because she might not be capable of being the instructor that you need right now.

Best of luck!


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

You pay money for this, if the instructor makes you leave the barn in tears, find another one!!! No ands, if or buts, find an instructor who will help you build your confidence and skills and make you feel good about riding, not upset you. I know there is many good instructors out there that will fit your needs.


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## Incitatus32 (Jan 5, 2013)

I'm gonna side with slidestop. If you don't like it than move. I ride with an instructor who's gruff and can get to you if you don't have thick skin but I enjoy that and I learn better with that. If you don't like it or learn well from it than move. For me personally when I had an accident and was hesitant to do something I loved that type of trainer because they made me push myself into doing it and perfecting it.


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## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

Find someone else. I don't know what can be gained from telling a first time student they aren't cut out to be riding. That is just plain mean. You told her your concerns up front. She should have been big enough to respect where you were coming from.


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## HorseMom1025 (Jul 17, 2012)

You need a new instructor. You are paying $$$$ for a luxury/hobby. It should be fun or at least you should not be walking away feeling like dirt. A tough instructor may be ideal for some, but that does NOT make it right for every rider. Find an instructor who understands your fears, helps you determine your goals from your sessions, and has you leaving the lesson feeling good/accomplished/etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Northernstar (Jul 23, 2011)

Welcome to the forum! I believe your initial instincts are spot on - this instructor should never say to someone " Whining won't make you a better rider" when in fact you had a bad fall and were only expressing your feelings. You were not "whining" by any means, simply because you expressed your fear of cantering.... _Shame on this instructor for demeaning you_, and hope you move on to one who will truly help you in the facet you deserve.


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## rookie (May 14, 2012)

I agree with the others, find a new instructor. I had a similar experience years ago with an instructor who told me that if I wanted a career in horses I had to be more serious about my riding. I was a junior in high school, trying to get into college and riding was both a social activity and a RELAXING experience. That was the last lesson I took with that instructor. I still like riding and I found a good instructor who understands that while I have no interest in competing but still want to be a good rider. Where in MA are you located? I might know an instructor in the area.


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## picup436 (Nov 22, 2012)

We ride for fun. If your riding instructor is taking the fun part out of it, then find a new one. 

Pushing a rider is all well and good, so long as the coach knows how to push and in what direction. Insulting a rider by telling them they are no good is a pretty good indication that the coach isn't a good one, IMO.

I think you have 2 options here. 

Option 1 - talk to your coach about you anxiety disorder and how her "toughen up" approach does not work for you. If she is unwilling to change her style to accommodate your requirements as a rider, then she's not the coach for you.

Option 2 - find a new coach and make sure you fully disclose your anxiety disorder and how, after a bad fall, your confidence is been knocked severely. This way the new coach will be able to help train you in a manner that is best suited to you.

You want a coach that will help you improve your riding while improving your confidence.


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## TrailTraveler (Jan 4, 2014)

PLEASE don't take this instructor's cruel words to heart!

When I was 13, I had an instructor like this and she pretty much destroyed my confidence. It bothers me to this day, 35 years later, and I remember it like it was yesterday:

On the first day of spring, this instructor (Theora) had me take out her thoroughbred lesson horse, Lady. As I was warming up in the arena, which was very near the road, a big truck went by, honked, and spooked the mare. She reared up, bolted and tried to buck me off. After I managed to get Lady stopped, Theora burst out, "Oh my god! I can't believe you did that! I was going to tell your mother you were hopeless and that your lessons were a total waste of time, but now I can see that there's hope!"

I was so shocked and hurt by her callousness that I dismounted, walked to the car and told my mom that I didn't want to take lessons anymore. I had my own horse by then and I wasn't interested in showing, so I just decided to do what I enjoyed -- trail riding.

Anyway, my point is, *find another instructor.* If you enjoy riding, don't let this one steal your joy; and don't take to heart the mean things she said. She's just one instructor, and there are lots of great ones out there. 

It's especially important to find a nurturing, positive instructor because of your anxiety issues. Interview them before you decide to train with one, and be certain that they understand about your anxiety and your bad incident. You deserve better than what you're currently getting!

(Finally, I have an instructor now who can be very gruff and impatient; but as she has gotten to know me, she has softened up. I really think that a lot of horse people tend to be gruff and blunt because that's what works with horses. The problem is that great horse skills don't necessarily translate to great people skills!)

Good luck and keep us posted!


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

I would never ride with that instructor ever again. This is supposed to be fun not anxiety provoking. You don't want an instructor to baby you but you do need one who can help you build your confidence and will give you the time it takes. You pay by the hour so if it takes 100 hours and you're good with that, so what? At the end of the day, you're the only one who has to be pleased with your progress. If it takes you a long time to get past walk to trot and never to canter, as long as you're not deluding yourself that you're wanting to try out for the Olympics, who cares? 

You are spending money on something that is strictly a luxury and for relaxation and fun. If an instructor can't take you there, then find one who will.


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## Indiana2 (Mar 30, 2014)

Ya I'd talk to her and if she doesn't change her tune, find a new instructor; they're like personal trainers ! Lots of different approaches, like a buffet. If one isn't suitable fr you, keep looking!


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

I'm pretty intolerant when I'm spending my money. This trainer has already said all she would ever get the chance to say to me.


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## mazza0007 (Sep 23, 2013)

I also had a very bad fall, broke a vertebra and didn't ride for 12 months.
I found a riding instructor who was absolutely brilliant. She understood how scared I was and would push me very gently "are you ready to try this?" She never put me down, if fact she said "you're really brave just to get back on a horse" I was petrified to trot, let alone canter. I would just think about getting on the horse and start shaking.

Six months later I'm happily riding (even cantering!) I entirely credit that to my lovely instructor and I think if I'd got someone like your instructor that would have been the end of my riding.
Its your hard earned money, find someone with a little bit more understanding. You don't need to pay to be insulted!


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## sparks879 (Apr 14, 2013)

there's a fine line between mean and constructive criticism. A good instructor will help you get through this. A good instructor will not tell you your not cut out to be a rider. Anyone that has a passion for riding is cut out to be a rider. Some people have a more natural ability then others. Some have to work harder at it. But those that have to work harder, are still cut out to be a rider if they want to be a rider. Find a new instructor. Find someone who is encouraging and can help you. Riding should be enjoyable.


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

definitely find a new barn! as much as you should move passed your fall and I know it can be hard, she should not have worded it like she did. I'd like to think she was having a bad day and just took it out on you, which is unprofessional but there are riding snobs out there with this crazy idea that only an elite few can ride.


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## Emma2003 (Jan 9, 2014)

I would definitely find another instructor. For her to say the things she did, even if she is a superb rider herself, she is clearly not cut out to be an instructor. Not every rider gets back in the saddle after a bad accident but you did.


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## PrivatePilot (Dec 7, 2009)

Some coaches can become pretty callous after years of coaching, especially if they have lots of little kids who don't listen, whine, complain, and never seem to progress because of it.

I'm not making an excuse for them, I'm just saying I've seen it happen. It takes a special person to be able to deal with those sorts of situations year in and year out without, at least on occasion, thinking (and worse yet, saying) those sorts of things. The good ones will be blunt when needed, but with some tact at least - sorry, but I don't believe in sugar coating everything as otherwise some people just don't get it.

But on the flipside, 2 years without cantering would make me think you're going to need to be pushed to progress, but I would tend to agree that the way this instructor has chosen to provide that push is off base. Perhaps she thinks because you're an adult you can handle it, hover off base it is.

I'm curious...is this a big school, or a private barn with an in-house (owner?) coach? I can't imagine this sort of coach maintaining much business - wonder if he/she knows why turnover is high.


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

horseloverinpenn said:


> I'm not sure if i'm being too thin-skinned or sensitive... but
> 
> I recently moved to MA, and found a new barn to ride at; only problem is the instructor makes the whole lesson completely unenjoyable. I had a bad fall two years back, and haven't cantered since. when I explained how I was nervous to canter since my accident, she went, "whining won't make you a better rider. Buck up!" At the end of the lesson, she told me i was not cut out to be a rider.
> I drove home in tears. Should i buck up as she said, or find a new place? I work several shifts a week to afford my lessons, and i feel for the money it should be enjoyable, but I want other's opinion if I'm being a wuss.
> ...


 
Everyone learns at their own pace. Different people need different methods. Some need to be told to grow a set and get on, some need a sit down explanation and soothed in to it.

HOWEVER

If anyone told me I was not cut out to be a rider now, or when I started, I would leave without looking back. NO one deserves that.


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## Elana (Jan 28, 2011)

Sometime look up famous George Morris quotes on FB. He has said things like "The best exercise for your riding? Put down your fork!" or "and then she said, 'But George, you can't put a thumbtack on my saddle' so I used FIVE!" "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn..." "Is that clapping? I hope you are clapping for the horse because the rider doesn't desrve it!"

I had mostly instructors like that. But I was tough. I was just that way. Not everyone is. 

I would gently suggest you might have PTSD from that bad fall if you are truly heart racing afraid to canter. You may want to find that out. If you do, then addressing that will help you with your riding. It would not be uncommon and I have known people who were badly hurt by horses that could never get on one again. You get my kudos for getting back on... 

.. but if you are truly heart pounding afraid, your horse will pick up on it and no matter how schooled the horse he may not help you get past it. 

Not everyone can stand a tough instructor and if you are paying for the service, you should not have to either. However, I am reading between the lines here and wonder if you should address your fears separate from the horse.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

As for staying or leaving, it depends on how serious you are about riding. When I was in high school, the math teacher ran the class like a drill sergeant. He tolerated nothing less than our complete focus. Half a dozen kids had entered his class with barely a passing grade, yet at the end of the year, the entire class was honor's math.


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## ecasey (Oct 18, 2013)

To tell you that you aren't cut out to be a rider is cruel. Find another instructor.


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## jackboy (Jul 8, 2012)

If I quit everything people told me I was no good at all I'd be doing is laying on the couch. Like some have said that is when I excell when people say I suck or you'll never make it I've never took lessons but I believe just like she does making excuses has never helped me any. The choice is yours move up in your riding or stay where your at it has been two years


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

I agree with finding another instructor.
I like to have my faults pointed out because that's what I'm paying for - but it has to be done constructively so they show me how to correct them and encourage me to do better - and demotivating someone wont do that
Yes you have to keep progressing but its should be at your own pace - from what I see most of the riding problems and accidents seem to be caused by instructors/trainers asking for too much too soon and riders being expected to canter before they even know how to ride the horse *correctly* at walk & trot & halt


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

I would find another instructor, as this one does not suit you as a rider or a student. 

I am one of those people who cannot stand to be hollered at or insulted- I just shut down and it makes actual learning impossible. I don't think it's a matter of being "tough" or "weak" as some folks are putting it. I've survived falls, accidents, car crashes, PTSD, depression/anxiety, divorce, abuse, losing my job, starting a business, and deaths of immediate family members - I know precisely how tough I am. 

I don't function well when I am constantly worrying what I am going to do to upset the instructor. The most productive teachers for me have always been people who are gentle but firm- they don't flip out, they don't insult or yell. They tell me what I am doing wrong, and push me when needed, but they know how to do it in a way where they are focusing on the positives. 

Learning shouldn't be a torture session or leave you in tears.


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## GotaDunQH (Feb 13, 2011)

horseloverinpenn said:


> I'm not sure if i'm being too thin-skinned or sensitive... but
> 
> I recently moved to MA, and found a new barn to ride at; only problem is the instructor makes the whole lesson completely unenjoyable. I had a bad fall two years back, and haven't cantered since. when I explained how I was nervous to canter since my accident, she went, "whining won't make you a better rider. Buck up!" At the end of the lesson, she told me i was not cut out to be a rider.
> I drove home in tears. Should i buck up as she said, or find a new place? I work several shifts a week to afford my lessons, and i feel for the money it should be enjoyable, but I want other's opinion if I'm being a wuss.
> ...


 I'm in MA.....where are you in MA? You can come ride my horse, and I won't insult you!

Being a tough instructor is one thing, but belittling someone in another and uncalled for. I would go elsewhere....PM me and maybe I can steer you in the right direction.


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## Ian McDonald (Aug 24, 2011)

I don't know about you OP, but when someone tries to tell me that I can't do something it just makes me even more determined to do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

Don't even go back. Find a new instructor. Maybe even try out a few. 

Riding should be fun and you should be motivated to do it. It won't always be easy, but it shouldn't make you miserable. If something (or someone) is making riding dreadful for you, that's a pretty good reason to change things up so it does make you want to go out, be motivated, and progress. In this case, I think that's ditching this instructor. Buck up? I would have told her to buck off if she told me I wasn't cut out for riding.

Find an instructor who is a bit more understanding and who is a good teacher. This one just sounds like a bully. 

Tough riding instructors are not bad if you don't mind the extra "push" they give, but they should be fair and approachable. I had a very tough riding instructor who would YELL at me for making a mistake! But then not even a few seconds later she would immediately praise the heck out of me and tell me how well I just corrected it. She was fair, and she taught me most of what I know.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I like a trainer that pushes me.

That said, not everyone does. Like I've said many times on this forum, horseback riding is far too expensive not to enjoy it. I would begin to look for other barns, and for someone who has a teaching style that's more compatible with your way of learning and your sensitivity.


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## Luv equins (Oct 10, 2014)

Well welcome to MA most of them are like that on the east coast mean, rude, mean, liers, takers yea and all over again. I would stop using that "trainer" and go try and find someone else! Good luck!


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## ecasey (Oct 18, 2013)

Ugh, an instructor who tells you that you aren't cut out for riding even while knowing you had a fall before? Fire that b**ch. Ooops. Commented twice.  I guess you know I really mean it.


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## ChitChatChet (Sep 9, 2013)

jackboy said:


> If I quit everything people told me I was no good at all I'd be doing is laying on the couch.


But then somebody would come along saying that we didn't even do that right! LOL

Somebody telling me I can not do something only makes me do whatever. I get cranky that way.


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## NBEventer (Sep 15, 2012)

Luv equins said:


> Well welcome to MA most of them are like that on the east coast mean, rude, mean, liers, takers yea and all over again. I would stop using that "trainer" and go try and find someone else! Good luck!


To say most trainers/instructors on the east coast are "rude, liars etc..." is a huge over reaction and highly inaccurate. 

A little dramatic are we?

As someone who is from the east coast, and ridden up and down the east coast of the US. I have met many positive and fabulous trainers.


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