# Competing without the budget?



## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

My daughter and Harley just finished the year-end championship show. To recap, Harley is a 20 year old Arab we got 4 years ago and they have worked their way up to jumping 2'3" fences. That's as high as they will go, due to his age and arthritis in his hocks. He has the biggest heart, and is very happy to jump for her. She is continuing to work on a lot of things, but especially her position over those heights since they had only done low cross-rails until about two months ago. At the championship show (this is a province-wide show), they got two reserve championships (intro hunter stake and equitation), a few other seconds (including a 2'3" jumper class), and various other placings. Obviously she would have loved to have gotten at least one first, but it didn't happen. They did win a number of division championships at various sanctioned shows over the summer, so I think she was expecting to do better. Over the course of the two-day show, I kept asking her how she felt about her rides REGARDLESS of placings. I asked her to just forget about what she got in terms of ribbons, and just think of how she rode. On the first day, she wasn't very happy with her riding. Her position was too far forward up his neck, and his takeoff was often long. But on the second day, she worked really hard, and ended the last class of the day (for them) with a reserve championship, but most importantly, she was much happier with her position and her spots for that one. So that's great progress, and a lot of people noticed how she persevered. I am very proud of both of them - Harley was a perfect gem, getting his leads, and not ever touching a rail. 

But here's what bothers me as a mom. All the other horses (especially the winning horses) are five-figure warmbloods, with the odd OTTB mixed in. Long, leggy bays were clearly judge favorites. And the tack! The saddles on most of those horses cost more than all three of my horses combined. Equipe, CWD, all the big brands. And there we are with our cheap, used Hastilow that is too small for my daughter (we're trying to find one that fits her better, but have a very limited budget), on our little 3/4 Arab. It is very discouraging. There is no way I can ever buy her a 7K saddle, or a 10K horse unless we win the lottery. To be fair, some other riders from our stable were not on 10K horses and were riding in Stubbens and Schleeses and still got some firsts, so I'm not saying it can't be done. But as a parent, it's a bit heart-breaking to see your kid trying so hard to compete against people with unlimited financial resources. 

I guess I'm just venting a little. I know it's a good life lesson for my daughter who appreciates everything a lot more than the brats who get handed their fully-groomed, tacked-up, warmed-up horse (not saying they don't have to be good riders too, don't get me wrong, but it certainly helps to have a perfect horse and custom saddle). And my daughter doesn't have olympic goals or anything. She's pretty happy just sticking to the provincial show circuit, and she loves Harley so much that she doesn't want another horse anyway. It's just a little discouraging when you're always the underdog. A lot of the riders and parents are very supportive, but I did hear some girls snickering at Harley at one point, which absolutely broke my heart. I understand why some people get completely turned off showing now.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Hmmm... thinking over my post afterwards, perhaps it sounds a little ungrateful. I'm kind of answering my own questions here, but maybe I should just stop worrying about what others are riding in (or on), and just enjoy the journey. I have a bit of a type A personality, and unfortunately, so does my daughter, so coming in second all the time is nice, but not really what we aim for. We should be very happy with reserve championships! And I need to be more careful about how I might influence how my daughter thinks of her successes. Maybe the lesson is to remain humble, and keep working hard to improve without relying on tack or expensive horses to give us a leg up, but also, not to take any of it too seriously. I guess that's why I sometimes like to type up my thoughts -- it allows me to mull it all over. So thanks for giving me the space to do that!


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## WildestDandelion (Apr 4, 2019)

What kind of a background are you from? I find sometimes we project onto our children. I came from a VERY poor family, and as a solid middle class adult I find myself always wanting the best for my children so they don't have to go through what I did as a kid. I worry about how they are treated at school, how their peers and the teachers see them, etc etc. Not that I go over board with them AT ALL (they recently got their very first pair of name brand shoes) and I certainly don't mention these things to them. But I do find myself feeling similar to how you described in your first post.


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## txgirl (Jul 9, 2010)

I understand where you are coming from, it does get frustrating at times. But, as long as your daughter is happy doing what she is doing then all is good! Your daughter has a great bond with her horse and no ribbon can beat that combo. That doesn't come from a trainer doing all the work and the rider hopping on for the show.


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## carshon (Apr 7, 2015)

@Acadianartist you just described my childhood to a "T" I have 2 sisters. My parents were very young parents (16 and 18 when my sister was born) My Mom did not work when I was growing up and things were very tight. This was the 70's and my Mom and Aunt made most of my sisters and my clothes (if I never see another Holly Hobby dress it will be too soon) My Mom grew up with horses so my sisters and I did too. BUT we always got the freebies or the ones that cost next to nothing. We were little Indians and rode everything bareback and barefoot. But when we got into 4-H we were definitely "out classed" Our horses were expected to do Western Pleasure, Hunter, and speed events - and they did. But our club also had girls whose parents spent thousands on their horses and their clothes. I guess we were fortunate that a lot of those families felt sorry for us and gave us their "old" stuff. But I can remember quite clearly one particular show where my older sister was riding her 3/5 Arab gelding Chico and they jumped the course beautifully and I mean as nice as you could imagine and my sister beat out a lot of those "richer" girls. My Mom cried. My sister worked so hard with her $300 horse and her ancient English saddle and it paid off - it did not happen often and as we moved into the 80's and we got older our hodge podge group of horses were less competitive with those fancier horses but I can tell you this. My sisters and I learned to appreciate our $50 dollar horses and what they taught us.

It is an unfortunate fact of life in todays world that money does talk. As your daughter gets older the competition will get more intense as will the amount paid for the horses she competes against and the tack etc these people have. As well as the money spent on lessons etc. Keep encouraging her to celebrate her own personal victories and to keep the joy she feels in riding there.

I talk occasionally with a couple of girls from my 4-H club one still shows the high dollar horses in AQHA shows - and the other does not ride at all. Neither ever enjoyed riding other than the thrill of the show ring. And here I am many years later - still riding and enjoying my cheap horses.


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## Aprilswissmiss (May 12, 2019)

Since I grew up in a similar situation, I'll let you know how I felt and maybe it'll give you a little bit of perspective from your daughter's viewpoint.

My parents _never_ got me a horse, or even a leased horse, and only paid for my lessons for a few years before it was my own responsibility. I was working my own lessons off before I was even of legal age to get a job. My parents (not of their own fault, they were busy making sure we could afford our mortgage) only once or twice came and watched me at my dozens if not hundreds of shows (that I also worked off). I was limited to the stable's lesson horses, of which there were only two or three, and for perspective, the most athletic one was a 25+ year old Arabian/Welsh mare who mad a max jump of 2'3". She had no lead changes, no fancy tack, just whatever greasy lesson bridle the program could make fit her. I distinctly remember being extremely upset when we qualified for finals but then she began tripping and hesitating at jumps, so my trainer decided we couldn't go, for the sake of the horse.

I was the ONLY. rider. my age at that stable who did not have their own horse, and every single other girl my age had imported (yes, IMPORTED) warmbloods. They jumped 4'+ in their regular lessons before they were of age to get their drivers license. As a child, this made me beyond upset, because they didn't get to the place they were at because of just their talent - they got there because their parents were able to fund the imported warmbloods, the trainers, the supplements, the newest tack, the trailers, the grooms, the top-notch chiro, the rated show fees, etc. I saw it as - I could be that high level rider, _if only_ I could have been in their position.

Before I was a working student at this high-end show stable, I was a working student at a small local stable that did fun shows. All the other riders my age were in the same position as me, they just wanted to ride and have fun doing it, and they were completely reliant on whatever the stable had to offer them. I was the barn owner's go-to rider for the green horses because I had a great seat to stick to anything that bucked, bolted, whatever. I was thrilled just to go to fun shows and on trail rides. It never occurred to me then that there might be other people my age riding insanely athletic horse breeds I had never even seen before.

I think it's all about perspective. Does she want to be a big fish in a little pond or a small fish in a big pond? After I moved stables, I longed for the days when I was a big fish in a small pond, blissfully unaware of rated shows and instead galloping dinky ponies through the trails with friends on equally dinky ponies. Now that I have my own horse, that's exactly what I do with her.

This isn't to say that your daughter shouldn't compete at that level, but maybe you could make sure she also has a healthy dose of other riders in a similar position that she can truly enjoy riding with. I loved competing, but I loved the feeling of communal belonging even more. Best of both worlds for her? I think she should be extremely proud of herself for getting the placements she did among all the five-figure warmbloods!


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## therhondamarie (Sep 18, 2019)

I have a similar feeling to @WildestDandelion. Where I grew up with a single mom and we were very poor. My grandfather got me the horses starting with a $50 pony. A lot of the horses I grew up riding were lenders with the exception of a horse my grandpa bought me for a few hundred bucks because she had burned out of roping. My own son (now 19) never really cared about riding, as his thing was football and wrestling. But I made sure he had everything he needed for those activities. When I was a young single mom, it was a struggle but I'd always work second jobs to get him what he needed. Now my stepdaughter is getting into horses and although we cannot afford a $10K horse and she did get a horse that most would consider on the cheaper side that is grade she does have brand new matching tack that she got for her birthday. But she loves this horse, and I hope that is what drives her, like the love yours has for Harley. Love for the horse first, and for whatever discipline you do second. 

I also think you're right about kids who have to do their own work with horses instead of having them presented to them fully tacked up will make them better overall horse people and heck, people in general. Your kid will appreciate her wins or seconds or whatever more because she is working for them rather than having them handed to her. Congratulations for your horse coming in second against all of those super professionally trained horses. That is something to celebrate. 

I totally get you as a mom though. We want to give our kids everything, especially if we never had it. It hurts our hearts to see them at a disadvantage.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Thanks for the stories all! Keep them coming! Yes, we all dream of finding that magical cheap horse that can outperform the expensive, highly bred and highly trained horses, but the reality is that it probably won't happen. Just being out there competing against the best, and not doing too badly, is something to be very proud of! 

I suggested we do a trail ride tonight. That's something we both really enjoy, and that comes without pressure, just out enjoying the fall leaves on a beautiful sunny day. In the end, I hope that is what she'll remember most about growing up with horses. I also try to remind her that some girls would do anything to be lucky enough to have their own horses like she does. It's all about perspective. We may be poor compared to all the big names around us, but we're rich compared to many others. And if there's one thing I realized a few years back in my own career, it's that there will always be another level, and there will always be someone better out there. I've learned to settle for being pretty good at what I do, and maintaining a balance. Hopefully my daughter will learn to do the same.


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## WildestDandelion (Apr 4, 2019)

Yes! My kids DO NOT appreciate how lucky they are to have horses in their back yard. I think my 7 year old son is starting to "get it" a little more... or at least he's enjoying it more. He's been scooping manure for us every day without us asking, goes out early to visit the horses etc. But there definitely isn't the comprehension of how privileged they are.

How old is your daughter?


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

You know those girls are not laughing at your daughter and Harley out of spite, right? Well, a couple may be, but most of them are probably scared spitless when those 2 show up. She works hard, doesn't have it all handed to her, and she's beating the big bucks kids (we used to call them PHDs, Poppa Has Dough) on her little guy and they're doing it without benefit of all that custom this and that and no fancy WBs. Really? At the PROVINCIAL level? I think I've told you before, those horses and that tack isn't for the kids, it's for the parents trying to keep up with the Joneses. Seriously? Jumping 2'3" in a custom saddle? My trainers would have made me leave such a thing at home and get real. A couple of the girls I grew up riding with had the big $ horses but NOBODY got custom tack until we were headed out into Grand Prix jumping. Those girls (one daddy owned a car dealership and one was an LA City High Muckity Muck of some description, I forget what now) didn't work nearly as hard on most things that the rest of us did. They also didn't leave the program knowing how to groom professionally, how to care for their own horses, how to clean their own tack and ESPECIALLY didn't have the grunt work ethic the rest of us did. They rode really well on their own horses but couldn't just jump on any old horse and get a good ride out of it. Back in those days, especially in eq championships, the judges were wont to have you swap horses between the finalists to see who could really ride vs who could ride their own pushbutton horse and look pretty. Don't feel sorry for your kid, she's not sorry for herself, and think about all the OTHER stuff she's learning and getting from working the way she does. 

PS - In upper level competition, those kids who're riding the $10K horses? Might as well be riding a horse like Harley, there's always going to be the bunch whose folks buy them the $100K horses and have the $2K/mo trainer and the $80K rig to haul the horses (because nobody has an all arounder anymore, right?) in, and have the custom tack and custom tailored kit and ........ where do you want to draw the line? If the kid is hard to fit, I get custom clothes, same for custom boots, but seriously, custom tack for 2'3"? Get real mom and dad.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Honestly, I didn't read the other responses and tales of theirs to tell...
This is about your daughter and Harley and you as a parent...

What I can tell you is...
Your daughter was competing at a local level, shows close to home...
Year end shows are regional and bring in the best from all parts of the area to compete against the best...
To qualify for the year end don't you need to have won at the more local first...
So, she _is_ competing against the best of the best in her division...winning second is nothing to sneeze at or not be very proud of her accomplishments.
You mention riding against $10,000 horses, expensive tack and primed by professional trainers, prepped by professional grooms...and she beat near all of them!
*What is there not to be proud of? :shrug:
*
You took your Arab who is not "the fad" choice, tack that has seen better days and represented yourselves more than just good enough..
Let people talk, let them snigger.
At the end of the day, _you wiped many noses in poop_ cause you bettered the expensive horse, the rider who rode in a expensive saddle and probably with the newest and most fad popular clothes...
*AND YOUR TEAM BEAT THEM!!*

Do you know what a catch rider is... :|
That is the kind of rider you want your daughter to become...one who can hop on any horse from machine point & shoot to a real handful and make them both look effortless a mount to ride...
_That is a rider_...never sits on the most expensive or looks it...but _can_ cover up and make a $1,000 horse appear as the $10,000 horse and bring in the very best rounds and presentation ever!
_That is a rider. _
Real riders can ride anything...those who sit on professionally prepared mounts...well they sit on professionally prepared mounts and suddenly see a lack of communication when challenged.
Not saying the kids can't ride...saying _they ride their machine_, maintained and handled by a professional rider/trainer/groom is a far different look and picture than the one who is doing it themself. 

Be so very proud_ {I know you are!} _of what was accomplished at the regional level...a testament to working through it to get it as right as they could.
Yearning for what will never be is a waste of time and energy...
Unless you win the lottery..._even then, _your daughter _*wants*_ to earn it, not sit on it _*not*_ be handed it...:frown_color:
_jmo.._
:runninghorse2:...


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

It's life. There will always be those who have nicer things and don't have to work as hard-- but it's a good lesson in how to deal with that. Hard work matters! 

Your daughter is so lucky. She has a mom who supports her riding and can show. Think of all the kids out there (previous me included) whose parents weren't 'horsie' and were on their own for everything, if they even got to ride at all. And you might be surprised-- some of those girls with everything handed to them may in fact wish they were your daughter, with a mom who isn't pressuring her to win because they paid $$$$$ for a fancy horse and custom saddle, but who is supportive and caring. 

When your daughter is ready to move up, an nice OTTB that she can go a long way with is not much money, and that may be just what she needs to continue to ride and show if that's what she chooses to do.

Don't beat yourself up. Be grateful for the time you and your daughter can spend together with horses and showing, and know that the lessons she's learning and the good memories will last her entire life. A lot of those pricey horses went home without ribbons, and your daughter got some Reserves in spite of a small, out-of-fashion aged horse, and out-of-style tack. That's wonderful. Be proud.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Dreamcatcher Arabians said:


> PS - In upper level competition, those kids who're riding the $10K horses? Might as well be riding a horse like Harley, there's always going to be the bunch whose folks buy them the $100K horses and have the $2K/mo trainer and the $80K rig to haul the horses (because nobody has an all arounder anymore, right?) in, and have the custom tack and custom tailored kit and ........ where do you want to draw the line? If the kid is hard to fit, I get custom clothes, same for custom boots, but seriously, custom tack for 2'3"? Get real mom and dad.


Well put! It is a little absurd isn't it? To be clear, there were some jumping as high as 3'6", but this is still just at the provincial level and we are a very small province, so it's not like there are a ton of high-level competitors here. However, a lot of the riders there (and/or their parents) have Olympic dreams. That shocked me a little. A lot of people are going to be disappointed I think. And to be fair, eventing has really grown around here, and some of the riders are competing outside the province at higher levels, so I guess if you have to have a CWD, you might as well use it for all the shows.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Thanks again for the great replies all. Yes, I AM very proud @horselovinguy. And like you, @SilverMaple, I had very non-horsey parents, so I never competed. Which was fine - I did a lot of trails, which I still enjoy today. She IS lucky, and I think she does appreciate it. 

I didn't even get into the clothes. No point. 

I think I just need to forget about everyone else and just focus on how much fun we're having together. They have really come a long way in one summer, and I'm so proud of them both. One of the favorite things my daughter told me over the weekend was that Harley was perfect, and it was all on her if they didn't do as well as they could have. I was saying that maybe he's still a bit stiff given his age and arthritis, but there was NO WAY she was going to blame him. I'm very proud of that. 

We also noticed how some of the kids whose parents were heavy into competing didn't look like they were having much fun. At one point, one rider burst into tears, asking to go home. That does NOT look like fun regardless of how many ribbons and trophies they won.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> I think I just need to forget about everyone else and just focus on how much fun we're having together.
> 
> That's the point of all of this, isn't it? That you're having fun together with her & her horse? Ride for the ride, not the ribbons.
> 
> We also noticed how some of the kids whose parents were heavy into competing didn't look like they were having much fun. At one point, one rider burst into tears, asking to go home. That does NOT look like fun regardless of how many ribbons and trophies they won.


Horse show parents can be really intense and forget all about the fact that the kid couldn't walk a straight line on a horse a year ago and this year they're jumping and doing eq patterns and all of that whole thing. They get really zeroed in on winning and make the kids miserable. Your daughter will be getting on her knees and thanking God that's not you in a couple of years when the pressure is really on those other kids. 

And kudos to her for taking responsibility for her rides and not just saying it's all on the horse. That is some serious maturity for her age. Good job!


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## Feathers7 (Jun 11, 2019)

I'm with @SilverMaple - There are some GREAT horses out there that need homes. So long as you know what to look for, you can walk into an auction and find the horse you're looking for. Or rescue an OTTB that didn't really do a lot of racing.

Otherwise, I understand your concern as a mom that you don't want money to outweigh hard work. It can be intimidating, and I realize that you're concerned about what your daughter might encounter in the future, especially because she's thus far had some big success. But y'know what? Your daughter right now is beating the competition. If she ever has a loss (or something she views as a loss), she will have to look inside herself and ask 'do I do this for the horses, or do I do this for the ribbons?' That's just part of growing up, which we are all doing every day. But that doesn't mean you need to worry - she sounds like a good kid. A loss is as good a lesson as remaining humble during a win. Jane Savoie has a wonderful book called 'It's not JUST about the ribbons' - highly recommended reading. =)


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## ApuetsoT (Aug 22, 2014)

I'll offer a different idea that you may be assuming too much about the other competitors. There's always going to be those who have the pricey horses(I boarded at a place like that, coach couldn't coach so every horse had to be a schoolmaster), but unless you become familiar with a combo you can't always tell who belongs to that club. 

That fancy warmblood winning the classes may have been a $500 horse with nasty behavioral issues in their last chance that their rider has tirelessly worked through to get to the point they can show. 

Or that wb isn't actually a warmblood, it's an OTSTB. Or that young rider is catch riding a horse for their trainer and has worked endlessly for the opportunity to sit on such a nice horse.

Even the riders with nice horses, maybe the rider is recovering from a confidence shattering fall, or they are riding in borrowed tack.

My point, it's easy to make assumptions about people you don't know when you feel like its them vs you. You probably don't notice the other girls in the same situation as your daughter because you're focused on the fancy horses.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Why should tack matter? As long as it is clean and safe and fitted I cannot see how it comes into the fact of being placed. 

I will never forget, many years ago, at a big show, a battered old car pulling a tatty single horse trailer arrived. Out of the car poured several equally scruffy children of various ages, the oldest, a boy, being about 13. The pony matched the family, hairy, not overly clean and with tatty tack. 

It was a bit of a laugh. That boy went onto win the top junior jumping class, (starting at the lowest fence being 3'6" - 4'6" in the jump off.) 

Later, with some tidying up, the pair represented the UK in several international shows. He went on to become a top Jump Jockey being Champion several times. His name is John Francombe. 

Sometimes you can make a sow's ear into a silk purse! 

You can only do your best, winning is not everything, being your best is.


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## therhondamarie (Sep 18, 2019)

Foxhunter said:


> Why should tack matter? As long as it is clean and safe and fitted I cannot see how it comes into the fact of being placed.
> 
> I will never forget, many years ago, at a big show, a battered old car pulling a tatty single horse trailer arrived. Out of the car poured several equally scruffy children of various ages, the oldest, a boy, being about 13. The pony matched the family, hairy, not overly clean and with tatty tack.
> 
> ...


I love love love these stories. Like the story of Snowman who was an $80 horse and went on to achieve greatness.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

Whatchya doin’ turning your nose up at Stubben? Let me tell you, I’m the envy of my yard with my 20 year old Stubben. I am not kidding, I live I a third world non - horsey country - Stubben is elite. Just let that put your view in perspective. 

I could afford a custom saddle and an expensive horse and all the bling but I would feel utterly silly seeing that I’m nowhere close to Grand Prix - not in a few lifetimes. I did step up my game a few years ago when hubby told me that I look like a homeless person coming back from the yard so now none of my riding gears has holes.

I understand that when comparing yourself to those in your immediate vicinity you feel poor but you are most likely in the top 5% of human population wealth-wise.

Congratulations to you and your daughter on a great season.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Hahaha... sorry @Horsef, nothing at all wrong with Stubbens. Around here, they are also considered pretty posh saddles. But when you see many around you with their 7000-10K custom saddles, it's hard not to let your jaw drop. So yeah, I know, we're very, very lucky. I know it, and I think my kids know it. But there are many with resources I can't even fathom, so it's just a little intimidating to compete alongside them. Nevertheless, there were a few people who congratulated me on my daughter's progress. It's hard to say whether they're just trying to be polite, feel sorry for her, or are genuinely impressed that she has come this far. I'll choose to believe it's the latter. 

Love that story @Foxhunter, and in fact, some of our friends just do jumpers for this reason: if you have the speed, and don't knock down rails, it doesn't matter one iota what your tack or your horse look like. It's too bad, because hunter is a better way to teach the kids to achieve proper form before launching into speed and tight turns, but many just get discouraged because they don't have the hunter "look". In some ways, jumpers is more objective.


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## kewpalace (Jul 17, 2013)

Everyone has probably heard my story ad nauseam, but for those who haven't, I started in a highly competitive QH dominated discipline (Reined Cowhorse) on a 1/2 Arab, in a wade saddle wearing flat hat and didn't even know what a lead change was. I was riding against, usually, horses that had been the Snaffle Bit Futurity and beyond (i.e., highly trained high dollar horses). Plus, everyone except me had their trainer at the shows. Oh, and I was hauling an old 2 horse straight load with a Ford Ranger (yea, I know).










While it was discouraging at first, I had alot of support from some great people in the Cowhorse community and when I stopped myself from being discouraged, starting supporting everyone else I competed against and worked on improving myself and my horse & having fun, we actually started beating some of those horses. My mare ended her cowhorse career in 5th place in 3 divisions of our local club and had earned the heart of many non-arab people there.

I ended up changing my tack (& hauling rig) gradually, but it was still not high end stuff. It was functional and clean (well, it was clean for shows, LOL). I have never changed my flat hat! 

So, as others have said, you just have to forget about the others (but always be a good sport) and work on improving you/your horse and having fun. That's what has made showing fun for me.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

You are only as good as your best competition. Provincials are for amateur riders, so your daughter and Harley are number two in the province of that division. Wow! I compete in the provincials occasionally, yes there's some people outfitted like they're going to the worlds or some darn thing. I'm not envious of them, I am actual happy for them because they're my competition. I appreciate high end horses and well-turned riders whether they're my competition or not. I am just glad I fit in, and win a championship here and there without embarrassing myself.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Yes, you're all right of course. Now that a few days have gone by, and the final results have been announced, I am actually very impressed that DD and her dear Harley have done very well considering! There are many excellent riders who didn't do as well as they did (including many high-priced horses and matching custom tack), so overall, they have a lot to be proud of. That elusive first place will just have to wait, and it will be that much sweeter when they achieve it. 

It was just a little eye-opening to see the money sunk into some of the horses, tack, clothing, and trailers. Meanwhile, we show up on a 20 yr old Arab X with a used saddle, second-hand clothing, and an older two-horse McBride trailer pulled by an even older GMC truck. I'm not used to being looked down on, but I had that feeling a few times over the weekend. So I will take it as a humbling experience and be proud of what I have been able to give my daughter, not to mention her own growing skill sets (she's 14, sorry, someone asked her age and I forgot to give it) and her amazing magical unicorn.


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## greentree (Feb 27, 2013)

You have probably heard me say this before....I won a Reserve National Championship and 3 Top Tens in a mis-matched (not even leather...) harness, against 23 horses. I won at dressage shows on my Big orange and white Paint, against 6 figure WB’s. I think the judgement of others is in our heads. I am so proud of your daughter and Harley!!


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Way back in the early 1970's my younger sister was competing in English flat and halter classes with her fat 14-hand cold-blooded pinto pony named Gus. He was the dead opposite of a classy horse! He was coarse, pig-eyed, dumpy, and pony-gaited. I think my sister was eleven. Since he was a mostly-white tobiano we labored mightily to keep him clean for show day, washing him in our backyard and bandaging him with cut-up old mattress pads. One regional show we parked (in our rusty rented trailer pulled by my dad's Dodge Dart) next to a brand new rig, from which a gorgeous chestnut TB unloaded. The tall, slim, perfectly-turned out young rider actually sat in a camp chair and let her "help" groom and tack up her horse, a sight we had never seen before. Meanwhile my dad had unhitched and driven away, leaving my sister and her groom (me) to spend the day at the show. 

My sister and Gus won or took second in every class they entered. The girl parked next to us took second or third under her, every class. She became visibly and audibly incensed as the day went on. I believe she said something to her crew about "favoritism". Which could have been true; I think that the judge was tickled by that very clean, very well trained reliable pony and his earnest determined rider. At the end my sister took high point junior. We went home with big grins. Gus may have been a $150 horse but he was golden to us.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Avna said:


> Way back in the early 1970's my younger sister was competing in English flat and halter classes with her fat 14-hand cold-blooded pinto pony named Gus. He was the dead opposite of a classy horse! He was coarse, pig-eyed, dumpy, and pony-gaited. I think my sister was eleven. Since he was a mostly-white tobiano we labored mightily to keep him clean for show day, washing him in our backyard and bandaging him with cut-up old mattress pads. One regional show we parked (in our rusty rented trailer pulled by my dad's Dodge Dart) next to a brand new rig, from which a gorgeous chestnut TB unloaded. The tall, slim, perfectly-turned out young rider actually sat in a camp chair and let her "help" groom and tack up her horse, a sight we had never seen before. Meanwhile my dad had unhitched and driven away, leaving my sister and her groom (me) to spend the day at the show.
> 
> My sister and Gus won or took second in every class they entered. The girl parked next to us took second or third under her, every class. She became visibly and audibly incensed as the day went on. I believe she said something to her crew about "favoritism". Which could have been true; I think that the judge was tickled by that very clean, very well trained reliable pony and his earnest determined rider. At the end my sister took high point junior. We went home with big grins. Gus may have been a $150 horse but he was golden to us.


Love it! And yes, when I saw the results of all the classes, I realized that a lot of the much more expensive horses and riders with a great deal more financial resources actually did more poorly than my daughter and Harley! To be fair though, some of those horses were still being schooled and may be amazing mounts in a year or two. I'm grateful for how well they did in the end.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

You can have all the fancy gear, horses,equipment and trainers, but if you don't put in the work, it shows. And if it's a judged event, it is up to the judge who thinks what is best of what is shown to them. Because judging can be subject to other things besides a rulebook, even the best rider & horse can lose to someone who isn't. Judges have their personal preferences. At a provincial finals, I saw warmbloods & TB's take wrong leads but always won over the stock horses who performed very nicely. The judge simply would not place a stock horse first in an English class. That was my lucky championship because one of my horses is a solid bred paint that looks very much like a TB (he does have sport-horse in him). Showing is just fun, I don't care what other people have or don't have, I just do my best and that's all I can do. I don't even notice if people look down upon me, I am too wrapped up in my own thing.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

waresbear said:


> You can have all the fancy gear, horses,equipment and trainers, but if you don't put in the work, it shows. And if it's a judged event, it is up to the judge who thinks what is best of what is shown to them. Because judging can be subject to other things besides a rulebook, even the best rider & horse can lose to someone who isn't. Judges have their personal preferences. At a provincial finals, I saw warmbloods & TB's take wrong leads but always won over the stock horses who performed very nicely. The judge simply would not place a stock horse first in an English class. That was my lucky championship because one of my horses is a solid bred paint that looks very much like a TB (he does have sport-horse in him). Showing is just fun, I don't care what other people have or don't have, I just do my best and that's all I can do. I don't even notice if people look down upon me, I am too wrapped up in my own thing.


Yes, I didn't want to be unfair to other horse and rider combinations, but once or twice, a specific rider and her horse were a disaster (wrong leads, trotting when they were supposed to be cantering, name it) and placed well when they clearly shouldn't have. That is really frustrating for a young rider who got everything right, but isn't riding a typical hunter type. And this is why I kept telling my daughter to forget about the placings, and just think about her ride and whether she was happy with it. At least she felt she improved by the end of the second day, and was satisfied with that even though she never got the first she was hoping for. And I'm sure if I were out there showing, I'd be totally focused on myself rather than what others are doing, but as a parent, you feel a little twinge in your heart when your child is doing really well but not being recognized for it. On a number of occasions, I had people tell me she should have been placed higher. In one case, there was another coach standing beside me watching a class, not knowing I was the mom, and she actually said "that little grey is going to win this class" even though her own student was also in it. Instead, they got dead last in that class  As a parent, it's hard to watch that. We have had lots of conversations about judges having their preferences, and she actually took it pretty well, but once or twice she told me she might be done showing. I told her it was totally up to her, but in the end, she stuck with it and improved in her own mind so that was enough. I think she'll keep showing, but with a different perspective now.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

If you are going to show in judged classes, being an adult or a child, you have to get the subjective part. It's part of the game. And as a parent, it is pretty tough to know that your kid lost when they should have won, but it will happen, and you will handle it with grace and so will your daughter. Only the tough, self-confident people can show in judged events, it's not a sport for everyone. I know some people who get physically sick when they know they are going to be judged in whatever competition. 
And for the record, I could be wrong, but I don't think anybody was looking down upon you or your daughter or her horse. I think you were intimidated by all the fancy stuff and high-powered horses. Let it go.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Well, I'm sure some were looking down on us, but you're absolutely right. I am letting it go!


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

If they were looking down upon you and your daughter for the things that you own, that's their problems. They're very ungracious people and snobs.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Stumbled onto this article today, and thought it summed up my feelings pretty well! 

http://www.theplaidhorse.com/2019/0...gi7YAz8UjoGwvyZW4GlbCFFHuvg_ejLuhQwQKzFNK4BdQ


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

"In a sport that undeniably functions with extreme wealth, it’s hard for a “poor” equestrian like me to feel significant."

This struck me. Why do you feel a NEED to feel significant to other people? This is where I have a huge disconnect with show folks. I love to show, love to compete and love to win (and lose because regardless, there's always a lesson in showing, equitation, horsemanship, something). I don't have time for and don't care a fig about the competition and what they've got, whether or not I've got the same. Sometimes I do, and frequently, I don't. And VERY frequently, wouldn't have it as a gracious gift because it would make me compromise my ethics/morals and would make me treat a horse in ways I disagree with. 

Ride for the ride, not ........................... you fill in the blanks.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Dreamcatcher Arabians said:


> "In a sport that undeniably functions with extreme wealth, it’s hard for a “poor” equestrian like me to feel significant."
> 
> This struck me. Why do you feel a NEED to feel significant to other people? This is where I have a huge disconnect with show folks. I love to show, love to compete and love to win (and lose because regardless, there's always a lesson in showing, equitation, horsemanship, something). I don't have time for and don't care a fig about the competition and what they've got, whether or not I've got the same. Sometimes I do, and frequently, I don't. And VERY frequently, wouldn't have it as a gracious gift because it would make me compromise my ethics/morals and would make me treat a horse in ways I disagree with.
> 
> Ride for the ride, not ........................... you fill in the blanks.


Right. And that's why I am very happy riding my greenie around the back woods figuring out things as we go. He doesn't know much, and neither do I, but we have so much fun it doesn't matter. 

It's just a little different when you look at it as a parent. Especially when other well-meaning parents hint that you should look into X brand of saddles (wayyy too much money for me), or tell you about how they found their child's perfect mount out-of-province, even outside the country when they spent a week flying around North America "horse-shopping"!!! I was quite proud to have been able to buy my daughter what I considered to be a very nice show horse, but as it turns out, they are functioning on an entirely different level. I just have to accept that that's their thing, and we do our thing, and that's fine. But as a parent... you wish you could give your child everything even when you know it's better that you don't. 

Today she rode a different horse at lessons - not just a regular lesson horse, but one of the boarder's horses, a champion that has won at regional levels over and over. They jumped 2'9" easily. She will still ride Harley, but it's good for her to work on her position and jump higher on a different horse. They looked amazing! So while I think she'll always want to ride Harley for as long as he can do it, it's good for her to continue to develop her skills on horses that can jump higher.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> But as a parent... you wish you could give your child everything even when you know it's better that you don't.
> 
> Today she rode a different horse at lessons - not just a regular lesson horse, but one of the boarder's horses, a champion that has won at regional levels over and over. They jumped 2'9" easily. She will still ride Harley, but it's good for her to work on her position and jump higher on a different horse. They looked amazing! So while I think she'll always want to ride Harley for as long as he can do it, it's good for her to continue to develop her skills on horses that can jump higher.


That's why, if she wants to move in those circles, she should study to be a surgeon. ;-);-)

I would never suggest she should pass up a ride on a horse with more ability/skills/potential, thus limiting her ability/skills/potential. The sky's the limit there. And if/when she's ready to fly, let her spread her wings on another horse, whether owned, leased or borrowed. But for now, at 14, don't worry that she's "only" wearing Coach when the others are wearing Prada. Not having everything handed to her will make her appreciate what she gets more for the work she puts in it. And she's having fun, that's what this is all supposed to be about. When it stops being fun, then it's time to quit, and all the custom this's and that's won't change that. 

A lot of those kids, who are getting the high dollar stuff handed to them, will stop being interested in horses the first time they have to pay for anything themselves. And some of them will be really awful about it too. At that point your daughter will look at them and think, "Well, DUH, yes, horses are a VERY expensive hobby that require a lot of work and dedication. Did you think Daddy Bigbucks was going to pay for that forever?". And she'll keep right on riding and/or showing and just doing what she loves without a bitter surprise that she's expected to eventually pay her own way. She's being brought up realistically, with no pressure to keep up with the Jones's. She only needs to live up to her own expectations for her, not someone else's unrealistic expectations. She'll be fine. Some of them are going to find life is a little too rough around the edges because their parents are filing all the sharp points off for them. That's not a service.


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