# I'm anxious about failing at the show



## MeditativeRider (Feb 5, 2019)

I recognize your struggles, and find many have the same. I think you can try to overcome it by reframing what a show (or any test or exam) is about. Make it about the ability to be able to go out there and show off what you do know without the constant having to repeat things of schooling and getting all the instant feedback like you get from a coach in a lesson. You can just go out there and ride. Don't worry about the mark. Just be proud of whatever you achieve.

Then the other thing you could reframe it as is that you have one (or many I have never done a show so do not know how many judges there are) people sitting there devoting their entire attention to just watching you so they can give you personalized feedback on how you go and what you can work on in future (I am assuming you get some feedback in addition to a mark or place).

Learning is about mistakes and errors. The best learning happens when you do stuff wrong and then a) have to recognize you got it wrong, b) have the positive attitude to address it, and c) figure out why you had an error and how to fix it. That makes learning fun too because it gives you goals to strive for. If you knew how to do something perfectly from the get go, then imagine how boring that would be.

Everyone is a work in progress and it is just one little snippet of your riding life. It sounds like you guys have had a lot to work on as a team and not much time since the break you had because of the weather. So just be kind to yourself and go out there and enjoy the opportunity to show off what you have learned together.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

With such a big change for you both so short notice I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think the goal isn't to win or place - call it a practice run. A practice show. The only way to get better at showing for both horse and rider is to just get out there in that environment. So with that in mind your new mindset could be:_ let's see how well we do given the current circumstances and use that information on how best to practice for the NEXT one._ Lots of people in various professions and hobbies have performance anxiety. Why are you worried about being bad? You fear what others will think of you and be embarrassed? Let's say you do bad, the worst. But then everyone sees you try again a month later. And a month after that. You're not a quitter in the face of adversity. You are a horseperson training with your horse to improve. By even attending the show you are already leagues ahead. 

For the record I've gone out and performed (not riding) knowing full well I'd come last. I didn't enjoy it one bit, being in the spotlight and knowing what was coming. But if I didn't expose myself to losing and giving myself the chance to adjust then I'd never improve. I've had some really embarrassing things happen too  Just keep going!


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

I have to second stop putting such pressure on you....
I approach when being in the ring "showing" as a honest critique of me and a independent watch of what I'm doing well and what I/we need to work on to make better...
There is no win or lose...there is only the challenge I offer myself to improve my ability to communicate in harmony with my animal.
I'm not competitive against others, nor do I care if a ribbon exists or not for me.
I want to see that judges card not to have a fit but to use it to see where this learned person sees my weaknesses so it can be addressed better by us.
Sometimes that card is sweet to read, sometimes a disaster...but it _is_ a opinion of this person made during a show which can be stressful times for participants...
I let it be like a clinic atmosphere of learn and improve by what learned eyes see...
If you must "compete" make the competition be only against you that the next time you do this you strive for better scores on the areas that were mentioned as problematic...
🐴... _jmo..._


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## knightrider (Jun 27, 2014)

@Kalraii , any chance you could start a thread about the embarrassing things that happened? We already appreciate you and value you, so we wouldn't look down on you. It sure would be an interesting thread, since you yourself are so interesting.

My first horseshow was pretty much a disaster, but only in my mind. Nobody else cared at all. I had a pinto that was trucked in from Wyoming, green broke. I thought he was the most amazing horse who ever walked the earth. It didn't occur to me that he was funny looking and untrained. I was certain he would win the blue ribbon (first place in the US) because everyone would recognize how fantastic he was.

I had to ride an hour and a half to the showgrounds. I did not have the proper show clothes. I didn't think it mattered. After all, in books, the hero/heroine has never showed before, has an amazing horse, and wins first place.

There were 40 kids in my class. Nobody even looked at me twice. It was just a sea of rumps. I realized how silly and homemade I looked, and I realized how elegant and classy the other horses were. I understood that I wasn't even close to winning. The judge never even looked at my Apache. I felt kind of stupid on the long tiring ride home. But I was a kid, so I didn't take it too much to heart. I knew I had a lot to learn and I set out to learn it.


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## Dutch_Juniper (May 21, 2020)

MeditativeRider said:


> I recognize your struggles, and find many have the same. I think you can try to overcome it by reframing what a show (or any test or exam) is about. Make it about the ability to be able to go out there and show off what you do know without the constant having to repeat things of schooling and getting all the instant feedback like you get from a coach in a lesson. You can just go out there and ride. Don't worry about the mark. Just be proud of whatever you achieve.


You are right! A few months ago this horse was stiff, wouldn't flex laterally, would brace against the bit, etc. I went back to groundwork and riding with a rope halter, and now he flexes, bends, lopes off beautifully, doesn't buck, etc. THIS is the achievement! 



Kalraii said:


> Lots of people in various professions and hobbies have performance anxiety. Why are you worried about being bad? You fear what others will think of you and be embarrassed? Let's say you do bad, the worst. But then everyone sees you try again a month later. And a month after that. You're not a quitter in the face of adversity. You are a horseperson training with your horse to improve. By even attending the show you are already leagues ahead.


I'm not sure. Maybe because I equate a 'bad' performance to being a bad rider. I show against kids who ride mega-broke horses that are owned and warmed up by trainers, highly experienced adults on 5-figure horses, and professional trainers. And then there is me, riding a green broke horse and using Youtube as my primary learning source. My insecurities about this can take over my feelings of happiness and pride. 



horselovinguy said:


> I have to second stop putting such pressure on you. I approach when being in the ring "showing" as a honest critique of me and a independent watch of what I'm doing well and what I/we need to work on to make better. There is no win or lose...there is only the challenge I offer myself to improve my ability to communicate in harmony with my animal.
> I'm not competitive against others, nor do I care if a ribbon exists or not for me.


That is so true! Maybe these feelings are also sparked by the fact that I do not own this horse and that I am dependent on the owner to get to these events. Out of the 6 shows we had planned, 3 are already cancelled last minute because something came up at his office. So there is some 'show scarcity' going on and I never truly know if there will be a next one (I don't own a truck or trailer). I'm still very appreciative of course and I know showing (and riding in itself) is a privilege that should not be taken for granted, but at the same time I feel that I háve to do well because there won't be that many other opportunities. 



knightrider said:


> My first horseshow was pretty much a disaster, but only in my mind. [...] I knew I had a lot to learn and I set out to learn it.


Lol, when I was 12-15, I rode people's backyard ponies. Green broke animals who couldn't lope, draft ponies, and other forest creatures I guess you could say. Like you I didn't care, I was just happy to be there. I wonder why I'm now so focused on 'doing well' according to a set of rules, when I know the horse and I are doing well as a team.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

Not all of us were born into money or have that luxury so honestly I wouldn't even compare myself to them. It is a shame that people from different, hm, backgrounds can compete vs each other. But a bit like school and applying to work - just not fair. There will always be someone better, more talented, more privileged. Compare yourself to yourself. Any people wont see "poor rider on bad horse" they will see "one man team bustin _butt_ from scratch" and find it more impressive. Talent is talent, hard work is hardwork, but its usually the struggles that one had to overcome that intrigues me more. It basically defines us in my opinion


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Whatever happens, your only responsibility is to the horse, and that the experience be a learning experience, and fundamentally a good one. Remember, it's how we end our interaction with the hrose, at the end of the day, end of the show, end of a round pen session, etc.. that is most important and leaves the most lasting impression. So, if you get flustered, and you get into an 'argument' with your horse during the test, bring it back to a good place befre you dismount. If something happens, and you have to ditch the pattern because of behavior problems, ditch it, but get to a good working place with the horse before you quit. Think, "I will take care of you, don't worry", This will help you remember to put your horse first.


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## dogpatch (Dec 26, 2017)

knightrider said:


> @Kalraii , any chance you could start a thread about the embarrassing things that happened? We already appreciate you and value you, so we wouldn't look down on you. It sure would be an interesting thread, since you yourself are so interesting.
> 
> My first horseshow was pretty much a disaster, but only in my mind. Nobody else cared at all. I had a pinto that was trucked in from Wyoming, green broke. I thought he was the most amazing horse who ever walked the earth. It didn't occur to me that he was funny looking and untrained. I was certain he would win the blue ribbon (first place in the US) because everyone would recognize how fantastic he was.
> 
> ...


🥰


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## redbadger (Nov 20, 2017)

tinyliny said:


> Whatever happens, your only responsibility is to the horse, and that the experience be a learning experience, and fundamentally a good one. Remember, it's how we end our interaction with the hrose, at the end of the day, end of the show, end of a round pen session, etc.. that is most important and leaves the most lasting impression. So, if you get flustered, and you get into an 'argument' with your horse during the test, bring it back to a good place befre you dismount. If something happens, and you have to ditch the pattern because of behavior problems, ditch it, but get to a good working place with the horse before you quit. Think, "I will take care of you, don't worry", This will help you remember to put your horse first.


Yes, this! Just like a regular ride, try to end on a good note. Performance anxiety is very normal, especially in a setting where you've been off for a while, had a big change, or feel like you "should be" better in some way. You and your horse are just going for a ride together - no one else matters but you and them.


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