# Crazy friend at new barn



## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

It sounds like she's just very smug, and wants you to look to her for horse-pertise. 

Arenas are supposed to be shared but maybe you can schedule your training session at a different time so you aren't at the barn when she is?

No comment about the shirt thing.. that's completely left field.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Quit being friendly.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Stop telling her when you're going. Ignore her when she interrupts. Don't include her or help or anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

Palomine said:


> Quit being friendly.


And MOVE.


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## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Muppetgirl said:


> And MOVE.


I don't like how everyone always jumps to suggest moving barns because there are a few frustrating issues, or one troublemaker at their barn. Not everyone has many barn options, and the luxury to move and not sacrifice price or the level of care their horses receive.

Honestly I would start giving her the cold shoulder. Change your lesson time and don't tell her. Be blunt and say that you do not want her "advice", and if she does still show up at your lessons then do not acknowledge her while riding. There is nothing rude about that when you are paying for your trainers time. You do need to work out how to share the arena though. You may be paying for your lessons, but she is a paying boarder and has every right to the arena. If she is bothering you too much during your lesson then move and ride in a pasture if possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

DuckDodgers said:


> I don't like how everyone always jumps to suggest moving barns because there are a few frustrating issues, or one troublemaker at their barn. Not everyone has many barn options, and the luxury to move and not sacrifice price or the level of care their horses receive.
> 
> Honestly I would start giving her the cold shoulder. Change your lesson time and don't tell her. Be blunt and say that you do not want her "advice", and if she does still show up at your lessons then do not acknowledge her while riding. There is nothing rude about that when you are paying for your trainers time. You do need to work out how to share the arena though. You may be paying for your lessons, but she is a paying boarder and has every right to the arena. If she is bothering you too much during your lesson then move and ride in a pasture if possible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm I don't know, I think the Op is beyond frustrated. She has to put up with this person and jump through hoops and change her schedule just to avoid her. I'd be looking for an out......some people can outlast an idiot, some people just can't tolerate one. I'm the latter.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

A lot of people seem to ask questions like these, bottom line, be up front! Tell her you don't want to be her friend. 

You also need to chill a bit. So what if she doesn't have papers, lies about horses etc. Not your problem. Say you're busy and walk away if she tries to engage you. If she criticizes just walk away. Unless you're paying for sole hire of the indoor arena then you have to share, with her and any other. However this is different if she is deliberately coming in and actively behaving in a way as to disrupt your learning. In which case turn around and tell her straight out to stop that behaviour. Be clear, if she's engaging you in conversation say something like "I'm in the middle of a lesson, so please don't talk to me while riding" or if she rides too close to you or horse is out of control say "I'm in the middle of a lesson, please keep your horse away from mine, it's distracting and dangerous".If she pulls the "I ride here too card" and repeatedly ride when you have lessons ask her what time she is planning to ride so you can plan your lessons around her. 

As for braiding manes and such, don't tell her it's not a good idea to leave it - tell her to stop now. It's that simple. I'm not saying be rude, just something like "please stop braiding my horses mane".

If she keeps doing it make note of what happened, when, where and what actions you took and her responses. So when you do have a complaint to the owner it doesn't sound whiny you merely state the specific behaviours, your attempts to rectify them, and how she responded. 

The top issue, tell her not to wear your clothes if you want, but what she wears isn't your concern. It seems you're trying to impose your "clothing morality" on her, but it simply doesn't matter what she wears. She's on private property, if she wants to walk around topless then it's still not your problem. 

Throughout life you have to deal with people who you don't really like. It's annoying but it's reality. People like this pop up everywhere. Be honest, be up front and polite when you can. That's all you can do. Distance yourself and don't make their problem your problem.


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## Boo Walker (Jul 25, 2012)

Some people, like some horses have a really hard time with boundaries. If subtle doesn't work, get firmer and firmer until you have the desired response.
These people just don't think you're serious until you match their energy ("Look, I don't want to be friends with you! I don't want to hang out with you! Go away from me!") She's probably counting on you to give in to your own feelings of not wanting to appear rude or hurt anyone's feelings. Creepers sometimes need a firmer hand and may even need to be told several times just because they think you were just having a bad day and didn't really mean it.
As an immature person with poor social skills she will probably retaliate by starting rumors about what a b*tch you are, etc. Just blow it off and don't feed that beast. She will soon move off and find someone else to annoy!


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## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

I allow others to ride during a lesson but it is up to them to stay out of the way & quiet. This rule applies even with outside trainers. 
Could you ask your BO to post simple common courtesy rules for riding during lessons?


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## Prunella1 (Jun 2, 2013)

Thanks for each of your responses and insights. I know I was very frustrated at the time I started this thread....not so much now...thank goodness.
I talked to our barn owner about proper etiquette and we went over a few things, and I understand we share the arena unless I have rented it for a certain time. I just wish she would take her horse over to the cross ties and not have it right in the way of the gates, etc. Better yet, go out and let her graze, bond with her.

You see, my friend lives near the barn, and knows when my trainer will be there working with not only my horse, but, two other horses. She was sneaky about dropping by to listen in before her horse was brought over, now, she is there every day it seems. She sent me a text message letting me know her horse was in season....really, from someone who was raised on a farm??? And she didn't even notice her mare's teets hanging down...and I've never owned a horse or was raised on a farm to know a mare's whose had a foal...dah.

I think she is really afraid of her horse, and afraid to ride or work her alone. I understand because my mare showed some signs of stress after moving her, but, I still worked with her, rode her, and got some help. My friend was there when my trainer was there, and wanted my trainer to show her how to lunge a horse. My trainer is young, but, smart and very good at what she does, so, I encouraged her to tell my friend if she wants a lesson, she would have to charge her because she is there to work and is being paid for several jobs. So, my trainer worked with her horse for over an hour with much improvement. I just hope my friend pays her for the time, and continues to use her in the future.

I know it is frustrating when so many people want to use the arena or come in and take up the space right in front of your stall so you can't get by, hog the cross ties, etc. There are rules posted, but, they need to be rewritten in black on a new signboard. I try to help other people out as much as possible because safety is the biggest concern. Also, keeping the area clean and neat, free of problems. 

Thanks again for all of your comments and posts. It's nice to get other people's perspective and opinion.


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## Prunella1 (Jun 2, 2013)

Boo Walker said:


> Some people, like some horses have a really hard time with boundaries. If subtle doesn't work, get firmer and firmer until you have the desired response.
> These people just don't think you're serious until you match their energy ("Look, I don't want to be friends with you! I don't want to hang out with you! Go away from me!") She's probably counting on you to give in to your own feelings of not wanting to appear rude or hurt anyone's feelings. Creepers sometimes need a firmer hand and may even need to be told several times just because they think you were just having a bad day and didn't really mean it.
> As an immature person with poor social skills she will probably retaliate by starting rumors about what a b*tch you are, etc. Just blow it off and don't feed that beast. She will soon move off and find someone else to annoy!


 Well, one of the workers asked me if this person was my friend, and if so, why did I call her names, like "numnut" or nutty person. I told her that we used to do things together and this friend is not the person I used to know, that she has suddenly changed and is doing things that either annoy me or embarrass me. She told me not to worry about it, and I understand where she is coming from, but, why should she be concerned....I've already picked up real quick that this worker is someone I can't trust. She is probably talking to my friend about me. I'm just gonna do my thing and move on...I've got better things to do than to hang around all day sweating and shooting bullcrap, lol...:lol:


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## Prunella1 (Jun 2, 2013)

Saskia said:


> A lot of people seem to ask questions like these, bottom line, be up front! Tell her you don't want to be her friend.
> 
> You also need to chill a bit. So what if she doesn't have papers, lies about horses etc. Not your problem. Say you're busy and walk away if she tries to engage you. If she criticizes just walk away. Unless you're paying for sole hire of the indoor arena then you have to share, with her and any other. However this is different if she is deliberately coming in and actively behaving in a way as to disrupt your learning. In which case turn around and tell her straight out to stop that behaviour. Be clear, if she's engaging you in conversation say something like "I'm in the middle of a lesson, so please don't talk to me while riding" or if she rides too close to you or horse is out of control say "I'm in the middle of a lesson, please keep your horse away from mine, it's distracting and dangerous".If she pulls the "I ride here too card" and repeatedly ride when you have lessons ask her what time she is planning to ride so you can plan your lessons around her.
> 
> ...


In response to your comment, I didn't mind her wearing my t-shirt, but, her taking her top off outside where barn workers and little girls can see her is embarrassing, plus, I feel it reflects off of me - yikes. She wasn't ever this way before.

As far as braiding my horse's mane and tail, that won't be done. I don't have time or patience to braid either one. 

I don't mind being friends with this person, I think she is learning what I mean about the time and money. Maybe she will come later since she had to deal with the heat and humidity the other day. The newness will wear off soon. I've learned to just be quiet and if she does something that may be unsafe for her or her horse, then, I may offer help if needed.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Hmm... Ok-Her stripping her clothes off is HER business. Quit owning her bad behavior. It is not a reflection on anyone but her.

Personally, I would proceed with caution and not be too friendly with her. She sounds like the type who will really take advantage.


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## Valentina (Jul 27, 2009)

If she and you do the facebok thing - why not post that your lesson is at 11 AM then take a lesson at 8 am, so when she comes out you are already done with your lesson (and gone)? Try that a few times and maybe she'll get the message. (Just say "lesson time/day changed at the last minute and I didn't get around to updating FB").


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

you have been given good advice, and yet you end your statement I will help her if needed, but this is only going to encourage her. good luck.


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## Prunella1 (Jun 2, 2013)

Hi, thanks for your comments and suggestions. Sad thing is my trainer is working with her horse as well as another owner's horse on the same day, so she is free to watch at my expense. She likes to give me first choice since "you have seniority" crap. The other day she had come by my house and took me to the doctor after a terrible car accident. She had the dumbest nerve to tell me that I should save my money and not pay my trainer to ride my horse, and to let her husband (who has never ridden a horse in his life) ride my horse.
I hope she saw my beady eye look when I said, no, Sara is worth every penny.
I keep telling her that we are on two different levels of horsemanship. She thinks I am her best friend, yadayada....I think she knows I am upset with her for her outrageous remarks, especially at the doctor's office. 

I think she is realizing how dangerous her horse is, esp when she's in season. Her mare is nuts, and very mean to be around, gets the geldings all worked up, let's just say her horse is the tramp of the barn - lol. My friend has talked to the vet and may start her on hormones to help during mating season...the farrier came to check her horse and he couldn't even touch her legs because she kept rearing. Plus, my friend didn't even realize that her horse's teets were hanging down because she'd obviously had a foal in the past year or less. Geeze, I've never owned a horse, but, most people know a broodmare when they see one! At least I don't have to worry about seeing her for a while until I recover from this car accident. But, I want to see my horse so bad and have a good cry....


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## Prunella1 (Jun 2, 2013)

stevenson said:


> you have been given good advice, and yet you end your statement I will help her if needed, but this is only going to encourage her. good luck.


Thank you for pointing out the obvious, but in response to offering help if needed, it would be only in an urgent case to prevent someone or something from being hurt or damaged. I am not going to touch her horse at all, but, will and have told her to be careful, especially around my horse.

If someone doesn't offer help or try to prevent an accident, one could be held accountable and possibly sued. An ounce of prevention goes along way. I even wear my helmet when I'm not riding just in case I get knocked down or trip on anything. You never know what can happen in a split second....:shock:


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## Prunella1 (Jun 2, 2013)

Valentina said:


> If she and you do the facebok thing - why not post that your lesson is at 11 AM then take a lesson at 8 am, so when she comes out you are already done with your lesson (and gone)? Try that a few times and maybe she'll get the message. (Just say "lesson time/day changed at the last minute and I didn't get around to updating FB").


 I keep her at a safe distance on FB, that way she doesn't know what my other friends and I say or do. I text my trainer or call the bo and we discuss certain situations. It is best to just keep my cool at this time....otherwise, I may have to hide myself and my horse for a while lol:lol:


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

Prunella1 said:


> Well, one of the workers asked me if this person was my friend, and if so, *why did I call her names, like "numnut" or nutty person.* *I told her that we used to do things together and this friend is not the person I used to know, that she has suddenly changed and is doing things that either annoy me or embarrass me. * She told me not to worry about it, and I understand where she is coming from, but, why should she be concerned....*I've already picked up real quick that this worker is someone I can't trust. She is probably talking to my friend about me.* I'm just gonna do my thing and move on...I've got better things to do than to hang around all day sweating and shooting bullcrap, lol...:lol:


I did have some sympathy for you in reading this until you posted the above. Sounds like she isn't the only one who needs to "grow up" here. Either this person is your friend and you accept her issues or she is not your friend. You smack talking her behind her back is just as immature as her being clingy and not respecting boundaries. It's only a drama if you play along, and that is exactly what you are doing.


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## katbalu (Sep 8, 2011)

DimSum said:


> I did have some sympathy for you in reading this until you posted the above. Sounds like she isn't the only one who needs to "grow up" here. Either this person is your friend and you accept her issues or she is not your friend. You smack talking her behind her back is just as immature as her being clingy and not respecting boundaries. It's only a drama if you play along, and that is exactly what you are doing.


I 100% agree. You're being mean behind her back. If you want drama, that'll cause it! It honestly sounds like you may be causing these problems all by yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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