# I have a problem.....



## Void (Jun 26, 2009)

BrokenWings said:


> I'll give you guys the background, sorry if it's long ;/ 3 years ago my friend and I made the cardinal first time buyer's mistake of buying yearlings with no experience. We were both very lucky, as we still have both horses and they turned out to have wonderful, willing and sweet personalities. Here's the issue though.
> My horse progressed well in his training. He started under saddle (lightly) at 2 and was amazing, and now at 4 does trails like a pro, ponies my young daughter and in general is turning out great.
> Her horses' training has been spotty due to health/other issues. He did 2 months with the trainer with my boy, did great, but then sat in a field for months. She decided to do a refresher for him with the trainer. He did 1 month of trail riding with them, then nothing again for months. She hardly ever sees him. He is becoming bored, and now rushes at the gate when I pull my horse from the paddock. His manners are slipping and it is getting worse.
> 
> ...


To save your friendship I would butt out.


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

That's what I am thinking too. It's maybe not worth the hardship. Our dream was to ride them together, but it's putting a lot of pressure on our friendship.....


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## speedy da fish (May 7, 2009)

no your not being nosey! I think she should sell, if she isnt riding him, ignores him, doesnt see him then why wont she sell him? 

(let her see this thread when people have given their opinion)


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

This is one of those tough situations.

If you have offered her the idea of selling being best and she has gotten mad at you, then it is time to leave it be if you want to continue the friendship.

Though the horse could do more, it really is not hurting it to do nothing.


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

I agree. The only issue is occasionally she 1) cannot pay her board and I end up paying it for her. We have a lot of time/money invested in him. and 2) my dad is over the moon for the horse, so he wants to work with him, but he is waaay too much horse for him because of his lack of manners. Sometimes it gets a little sticky, but most of the time he is well behaved.


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

that's the thing, she does not ride him, does not even see him. The only time he gets attention is when we are around. I am 9 months pregnant, and have 2 other horses to deal with, so it's getting really hard to pay attention to him too. he is a sweet horse, but she really does not have the confidence he needs to be brought to his potential.


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## FlitterBug (May 28, 2009)

This is a problem that I run into constantly, and I can tell you from experience that you can't give anyone advice or help if they don't want it. It is very hard, I have watched many horses hit rock bottom before their owners will admit that they need to do something about it. It is sad, its not the horses fault.

She will get through it sooner or later, but you will have to wait for her to realize on her own that she needs help with the horse.


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## sillybunny11486 (Oct 2, 2009)

if my friend confronted me about it i would be really ****ed off. I understand your concern, but
1. you dont have control over the horse, so dont worry about it
2. as long as he isnt being neglected, in terms of necessary care or food its not really a problem, its more of what you percieve. 

Stop paying her board. maybe shell realize she cant really afford him and sell him.


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## FlitterBug (May 28, 2009)

Actually, after reading your last posts, you do have some extra control here. What kind of contract was signed reguarding boarding? If she can't pay her own board, then she should be looking for another option for the horse. I don't know what your board runs, but I think I would make some type of contract stating that if she can't pay you back then you get the horse. It doesn't sound like she is in the place to argue.


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

she can't afford to get help, that's the issue. She had someone offer to ride him for free, but she said she does not want anyone riding him (which makes no sense to me!)


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

yeah but isn't it a from of neglect to just leave him in the pasture and not do anything with him? The only human contact he has is to be fed, and once a week a groom when I can get out.


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

the BO has offered to give us this horse a few times when she was late. I can''t take him, it would betray her and ruin our friendship for sure. Plus, with 2 kids, I have no time for more horses. when she is late the BM always lets us know, I guess because we are friends, and I usually end up paying it more out of guilt than anything. She is totally over her head here, and I guess I am enabling her.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

BrokenWings said:


> yeah but isn't it a from of neglect to just leave him in the pasture and not do anything with him? The only human contact he has is to be fed, and once a week a groom when I can get out.



Um...NO.

It is not real neglect as in anything legal.

There are lots of perfectly fine horses who have no job and do not get fussed over on a regular basis.



I agree, stop paying her board.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Meh, I have a pasture pouf who is just as happy NOT to have a job. Of course, he's 22 y/o and has earned his retirement. He also isn't thrilled with being groomed, and I have to catch and tie him to do it. I generally leave him be, unless he absolutely HAS to be groomed.

Horses who don't have jobs aren't being abused or neglected, but it's a shame that a young horse with such promise is just sitting doing nothing.

Broken, STOP paying this person's board for her. You're doing nothing but enabling her. If she gets mad at you for refusing to cover her board bill, then she's NOT YOUR FRIEND. Repeat this to yourself as many times as you need to.

I say let the BO take the horse for back board, and sell him at a public sale. He might just get the perfect home and owner. Your 'friend' sure isn't it!


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

I can't pay her board anymore...going on maternity leave and things are too tight for me now. 
it's just sad that he is getting sour because he does not have a job. When he was under saddle he was so much happier.


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## BrokenWings (Jun 15, 2009)

I think she's more mad for me sticking my nose in. He's not my horse, so really, it's not my business, but when she can't afford board and I get stuck with the bill, it's my problem. I wish she would even consider part boarding him, he has such potential (not only gorgeous, but sweet and very athletic.) I had him out last week and someone inquired about him (asked if he was for sale) and I passed on the message. That's when she got upset with me. He's not my horse, but if he was, he'd be in training/sold to a family who can love him and take care of him. paying a horses' board does not make you a good owner. Putting the time, energy and love into them does.


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## flamingauburnmustang (Dec 25, 2008)

Would she ever let YOU ride him? I know right now you won't be able to with the pregnancy and all, but maybe afterwards in your spare time maybe twice a week if you could just exercise him. Even just a light trail ride or something.

I don't think push things too much with her, you don't want to lose her friendship. If she refuses any help whatsoever, leave it. It's not your problem. I also think it's wrong of her asking you to pay boarding fees...it just shows that YOU are a true friend, and SHE isn't.

Would your friend EVER do something with the horse. Is she EVER planning to do so?


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## mom2pride (May 5, 2009)

BrokenWings said:


> the BO has offered to give us this horse a few times when she was late. I can''t take him, it would betray her and ruin our friendship for sure. Plus, with 2 kids, I have no time for more horses. when she is late the BM always lets us know, I guess because we are friends, and I usually end up paying it more out of guilt than anything. She is totally over her head here, and I guess I am enabling her.


You said it right here you ARE enabling her to keep a horse she can't afford. I know it's hard, but stop putting yourself through a guilt trip when the BO comes to you for board. The BO should know that in a few months, HE has the right to sell the horse because technically he's been abandoned. I believe it's 30 days, but most give owners more of a chance to pay up than that; let the BO take care of this matter.

Atleast if the owner gets some warnings, and 'dates' regarding his upkeep; 1) she may all of a sudden have the funds 2) she'll realize that she can't afford him and do what's right...send him to someone who can. Just don't let her manipulate you into continuing to pay his upkeep; you have 3 of your own to worry about, and she's not willing to let you help the horse out besides paying to feed him, so the best option for him is to find a family who WILL take care of him, and use him.


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

Don't pay her board. As soon as there are enough unpaid bills the BO can pull livery, and the horse will be put up for private auction. At this point you could anonymously contact the interested buyer and they could buy him.
BO gets paid, horse gets a good home and hopefully your friend realizes she can't manage a horse.


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## lillie (Oct 26, 2009)

whilst i agree with the points most of you have raised, i dont think its a good thing for the horse to go to auction, too many uncontrolable outcome possibilities; the horse might end in a wonderful home, it could end in a horses nightmare. but i did wonder why you couldnt ride this horse, especially if your daughter rides your horse, once you have had your baby; would the owner agree to someone doing groundwork with him, at least then he is getting some work and keeping his mind occupied; longreining around obstacles and cones- could your father who you said loves him, do that? i would sit down with your friend, explain that you can no longer help out with paying for him, tell her you will accept her offer of part ownership, ( you will then have an equal say in what happens to him) in return for your help, or offer to buy him outright, and then you can part loan him to the people who are interested in him, keep him where he is now, your friend can still come to see him and feel involved, and the horse wont be put at risk at a public auction. it sounds to me like your friend had a dream, but just doesnt want to accept that she is out of her depth. but whatever i did, i would not do it in a forceful way, give her time to absorb the different possibilities with no pressure. it is her horse, and it is coming to absolutely no harm by living in a field, not doing any work; the possible harm will come if she moves him elsewhere and cant cope, without a good friend like yourself to help her out, and ultimately its the horse who could end up suffering


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Actually it's pretty expensive to let someone else to have a dream and pay for that dream. I completely agree with number of other people: stop paying the board. Be straight and tell it to BO. I can assure you BO will contact your friend for money right away and when it'll come to this point you may explain her that you don't have any more money to pay board for HER horse, and horse will go to the auction and his future will be completely unknown. May be she'll be much more cooperative after that. 

Yeah, I know it's all harsh, but your friend doesn't sound like real friend to me making you pay for her dream. Sorry.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

For those of you cringing in horror at the word 'auction', please be advised that a BO isn't obligated to sell the animal at auction if taken for back board, but the horse _must_ be sold at a *public sale*.

Whether or not this means taking the animal to auction, is up to the BO.

A public sale differs from an auction in several ways. First, the BO can have the sale at his/her barn. Second, the sale _has_ to be advertised so nothing hinky goes on privately with the horse.

What the BO has to agree to though, is that the person with the highest bid gets the horse, whether or not it's someone they know and of whom they approve. So it's like an auction in that sense, except that the BO has more control over how and where the horse is presented for sale.


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## waterbuggies (Jun 9, 2009)

Why are you paying her board? If she can't pay it, she's going to have to do something with the horse as in sale, lease, or move it. She'll be forced to do something with him and you don't have to be the bad guy.


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## qtrhrsecrazy (Aug 2, 2009)

lillie said:


> whilst i agree with the points most of you have raised, i dont think its a good thing for the horse to go to auction, too many uncontrolable outcome possibilities; the horse might end in a wonderful home, it could end in a horses nightmare. but i did wonder why you couldnt ride this horse, especially if your daughter rides your horse, once you have had your baby; would the owner agree to someone doing groundwork with him, at least then he is getting some work and keeping his mind occupied; longreining around obstacles and cones- could your father who you said loves him, do that? i would sit down with your friend, explain that you can no longer help out with paying for him, tell her you will accept her offer of part ownership, ( you will then have an equal say in what happens to him) in return for your help, or offer to buy him outright, and then you can part loan him to the people who are interested in him, keep him where he is now, your friend can still come to see him and feel involved, and the horse wont be put at risk at a public auction. it sounds to me like your friend had a dream, but just doesnt want to accept that she is out of her depth. but whatever i did, i would not do it in a forceful way, give her time to absorb the different possibilities with no pressure. it is her horse, and it is coming to absolutely no harm by living in a field, not doing any work; the possible harm will come if she moves him elsewhere and cant cope, without a good friend like yourself to help her out, and ultimately its the horse who could end up suffering


I agree with Lillie. 

I would think the BO could do what they wanted with the horse if money was owed to them for board. They could keep him for themselves, or give him away if they wanted - choose the new owner, as long as the potential new owner agreed to take him... or sell him if they wanted. There's proper channels for all options.

I know of a situation now where back board is owed on a cute little gelding, and the BO's are just looking for him a good home


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