# not sure why BO seems mad? help?



## cosmomomo (Aug 10, 2010)

okay, so im not sure where to start, but about a week or so ago the barn owner where im at seems to have gotten into a ****y mood and doesnt say hi anymore, and just seems completely annoyed when im around.

 the only thing i can think of is that i fed my horse in the 'new barn' which..i didnt really think was that big of a deal, and when they basically told me to 'git' i left and cleaned up after my horse.

i ALWAYS sweep the isle and never leave the stall i use in the old barn dirty. i clean up the arena after EVERYONE. most of the time while my horse is eating i go and have a chat with another boarder who has full care board and i sweep the isle while im down there.

they didnt want me feeding my horse in that barn because they dont want to attract mice, which i fully understand. but they didnt bother to politely tell me the reason, my mom had to ask about it the next day. also, my horse is not at an ideal weight going into winter (typical TB), so i wanted to feed him some flakes of hay occasionally untill they put round bales out in the feild. that didnt go over well and i was told not to feed him hay, which i understood was also included in the board. i also provide his grain for the evening feedings since that is the only time im able to get out there (i can only feed him so much at a time, he is up to a whole small bucketfull of usual grain + beet pulp + fat cat and cool calories). they are supposed to feed in the mornings, but they dont bring the horses in so im not completely sure how much my horse is really getting

i dont know if there is some kind of personal issues going on with them, but i feel that they certainly shouldnt be taken out on the clients. (im not the only one they have been acting like this towards) 

does anyone know what i should do? i really like the place and other than the BO seeming ****y, it has been wonderful. i dont want to leave another barn because of the tention that makes me sick to my stomach. (im a highly anxious person) the last place we had to leave because i was getting stomach ulcers from being so afraid of being yelled at =/ which happened quite frequently and for pointless reasons. they even yelled at my mom and then shut up real fast when they finally listened to the whole story. 

should i stop cleaning up after everyone like i do? i mean, im not getting any cut in board, i just do it out of habit, plus i dont like to use a dirty facility just as much as anyone else, but im sure it helps them out at least a little. do you think the honeymoon syndrome has just worn off? this is the best place i have had my horse at so far and we have been to quite a few. a little bit of me hopes that they get on here and read this because im too shy to confront them with it. should i just go on about my buisness and keep avoiding them? or should i try to be friendly and say hi? my mom tried saying hi the other day and didnt get so much as a half hearted "hey" back. 

sorry for the long post, but id hate for it to cause us to start looking for another place :?


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## VelvetsAB (Aug 11, 2010)

_Barn owners have bad days and weeks as well, just like we do....so something could be going wrong in their personal lives or at the barn that you dont know about. They shouldnt be taking it out on clients though._

_You should just worry about cleaning up after yourself and your horse. The other boarders need to pick up on their end and start cleaning up after themselves. If you keep picking up after them, they will keep letting you do it. If I have swept up after myself and someone uses the cross ties after me, I will let them sweep up their mess. _


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## mbender (Jul 22, 2009)

What would it hurt for you to just go up to the BO and ask "is there something I have done to upset you?". I would. It relieves the tension and the ball will be in the BO's court. Make sure you know what they don't want you to do on their proprty. Rules. If you don't know them, ask. Communication is key 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

You said that you were feeding hay and they told you not to? Were you feeding their hay? That's a big no-no. Just because hay is included doesn't mean you can feed as much as you want to your horse whenever and where ever you please. Boarding business' are on tight budgets.

If you fed YOUR hay in a place where they asked you not to, that would irritate me. However, it's not something to get into a TIZZY especially if you pick up after yourself and other boarders. 

Your best bet is to KINDLY approach your BO and simply ask if there is something wrong. Barn owners have to deal with a lot. She could simply be busy. I'm pretty chatty but there are days where I just need to get stuff done and simply smile and wave. I've irritated an anxious boarder that way before unknowingly.

You can't fix the situation until you know what you did wrong and vice versa. Communication is the key!


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

cosmomomo said:


> does anyone know what i should do? i really like the place and other than the BO seeming ****y, it has been wonderful. i dont want to leave another barn because of the tention that makes me sick to my stomach. (im a highly anxious person) the last place we had to leave because i was getting stomach ulcers from being so afraid of being yelled at =/ which happened quite frequently and for *pointless reasons*. they even yelled at my mom and then shut up real fast when they finally listened to the whole story.


Since this is not the first time there have been communication issues, have you taken a step back to ask yourself if you are seeing issues where none exist?

Can you explain the 'pointless reasons'? As BO's we have rules. Some rules seem to be 'pointless' to some individuals but as a whole they are necessary.

I tend to leave my boarders alone. They don't come to see me - they come to see their horse. I'm available if they need help but I am careful not to intrude on their time with their horse.


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## cosmomomo (Aug 10, 2010)

more than likely this was all caused by a bad day/week, but every time we ask a question (because if they dont tell us, we dont know) they get annoyed with us. what are we supposed to do? not ask? and do something we arent supposed to do? i just feel like they think they are better than their boarders and dont need to be bothered with our concerns.



> You said that you were feeding hay and they told you not to? Were you feeding their hay? That's a big no-no. Just because hay is included doesn't mean you can feed as much as you want to your horse whenever and where ever you please. Boarding business' are on tight budgets.


i fed him half a flake after his dinner on two seperate nights, the evenings i didnt ride. there isnt much grass in his feild (overgrazed) its getting colder than usual for this time of year and he is fit, but doesnt have much insulating fat like the rest of the obese quarter horses out there. they said they were upping their grain in the morning to compensate for that, but more grain + little forage = impaction colic. when we asked when they would put hay out he said not untill the first frost, but if there is little grass, they should have put some out regardless. trust me, if i fed him however much i wanted and whenever, he would have eaten a heck of a lot more than that! lol. its not very good quality hay either, so i cant imagine it was very expensive, because my horse ate it pretty slowly, yet when another boarder gave us a flake of hers to try he ate it in 15 mins, so its not that he isnt hungry. we (my mom and i) have asked if we are cool with him and if he was upset for any reason and he says no, but his attitude towards us says yes.

i honestly wonder how much horse knowledge they really have, maybe they just dont know that horses are grazers which means they eat alllll dayyy lonngg, especially in cold weather and hard work. and they lose weight when they arent.



> Can you explain the 'pointless reasons'? As BO's we have rules. Some rules seem to be 'pointless' to some individuals but as a whole they are necessary.


(this was the place we left)
they werent that BO's rules, i was asked once if i would put a horse out and i had only been there 4 days, so of course i didnt know exactly where the feilds were, but she told me the mare feild. so i put her in a feild that had mares in it. turned out to be the wrong feild and the woman went absolutely nuts! cussing and screaming and stirring up the horses when i could have easily caught the horse before she went crazy. i understand being inconvienienced, but i dont think she should have flipped her lid like that =/. it was a terrible barn anyway, beautiful show facility, but she drugged her horses before the shows and asked my mom (who is a registered nurse) to ace a pony intravieniously for a class.

we also blame her for the death of my moms pony, who she reccomended putting a muzzle on to prevent founder, when the better solution would have been to put him in a stall, but i guess $400 a month for FIELD BOARD isnt enough. she didnt do stall board for any of the horses. none. so when he got dehydrated and coliced, she didnt even call us and we showed up and he was in the round pen and she then told us he was in there for two days cuz he acted colicy. OUR NUMBERS WERE ON THE WHITE BOARD AND IN THE BOARDING AGREEMENT. that was just neglectful on their part. they also never tried to notify us when our horse got kicked in the leg and had the vet come out without asking us first. $500 bill later and we could have medicated it and wrapped it ourselves.

that was extremely off topic, but i felt like i needed to say that =/


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## GuitarChump (Sep 8, 2010)

well its good youre out of the old place but I could see them being upset for you using extra hay. even if it is cheap its not your barn to take from.


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

Wow the old place sounds a little rediculous! If my horse was kicked and they didn't even try to call me before they called the vet.. I WOULD"VE CHEWED THEM A NEW ONE! I hope you did... When something happens to on of my boarders, I call them a million times before I call the vet.

If you want to feed extra hay, I would bring your own. Here in Texas, the average this year is $5 a bale. I know that's nothing to the average boarder but when you buy 300 bales at a time that's $1500 for a barn owner. Then you pay extra for help to unload it or if your like me and my husband we do it ourselves. That's a lot of blood, sweat and tears (And sneezing, itchying, crap in your eyes, rashes ect..)! Getting hay is by far the worst part of my job. I know it seem silly but especially here in Texas, hay is like gold and we don't want to just give it away.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

If you were told not to feed extra hay and you did, that's money out of the BO's pocket. I can see why that would make him angry.

I know it doesn't seem like much, but if everyone gave their horse 'just a little extra', there would soon be no hay.

As Starline suggested, if you want your horse to have more hay than the barn is providing, buy it yourself.

I'm also wondering why _every_ barn you've been to has been horrible. Either you have extremely bad luck, you're not researching barns properly, not getting a written contract with everything spelled out, or you and your mother aren't exactly the easy to get along with types. There's obviously_ some_ common denominator.

If you don't have a written boarding contract, get one. If you do, you and your mother need to read it carefully and see what is and isn't included in the board price.


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## cosmomomo (Aug 10, 2010)

whatever was wrong is fixed now. the owner was in a good mood today and the tension is gone.



> I'm also wondering why _every_ barn you've been to has been horrible. Either you have extremely bad luck, you're not researching barns properly, not getting a written contract with everything spelled out, or you and your mother aren't exactly the easy to get along with types. There's obviously_ some_ common denominator.


 i guess i worded that wrong, not EVERY place has been horrible, the only time we have a problem with someone is when it involves the care of the horses, ive been to two show barns, worked board off at one of them, ive already mentioned the other and the other barns, one was western, so i wanted to upgrade where they had english and the other took wonderful care of our horses, couldnt have asked for better, but i had no where to ride. so we've only left two places for bad reasons, and they were both about the care of the horses. we've also gotten written contracts at all of them except for the really good care place, but that was never an issue. they completely understood why we wanted to leave, (to go to the last, show barn) and wished us the best.



> I could see them being upset for you using extra hay.


the owner said today that he would be putting out round bales at the end of the month which is his own grass that he cut. i didnt really feed any _extra _hay, because i hadnt been feeding any at all, but i understand what you mean. 



> Wow the old place sounds a little rediculous! If my horse was kicked and they didn't even try to call me before they called the vet.. I WOULD"VE CHEWED THEM A NEW ONE! I hope you did... When something happens to on of my boarders, I call them a million times before I call the vet.


we didnt want to cause more trouble, so we just let it slide. believe me..i really wanted to chew her out, but i didnt feel it was my place as a "kid". she was the type to make you feel really stupid so you would sort of worship her i guess =/ most of her boarders felt the same way..funny thing is that when i left..so did two other boarders..to the same place haha! none of us had any idea we were moving to the same barn! 

the boarder that let us try her hay, said we could buy a bale or two from her, since i dont feed him hay every day, and he doesnt stay in a stall, it should last a while till they have hay in the field.

@Starlinestables- it was nice to have the point of view of another barn owner 

anyways, thanks guys. i dont really know what was wrong, but i appreciate your points of view.


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## Shenandoah (Aug 9, 2010)

cosmomomo said:


> whatever was wrong is fixed now. the owner was in a good mood today and the tension is gone.


Seems a good lesson to take away from all this is that it's NOT always about you. If it was about you, it probably wouldn't have just up and disappeared a few days later.

Yes, in the ideal world we wouldn't take our personal problems to work with us. We wouldn't let problems with one customer carry over to another. We wouldn't let lack of sleep affect our attitude. But you know what? We're ALL human, and those things do happen.

Some of us who work "real" jobs can take a day off when it's really bad - but BOs often don't have that option, as they might not have anyone to manage the barn chores in their absence, and thin margins make it difficult to pay a replacement.

But in the end, we all have to work with people, whether they're at their best or not. Don't take it personally. If it continues an extended period of time, then start to get concerned. If it continues AND it seems to only be towards you and not towards other boarders, then sit down and have a discussion with the BO.

But a few days of someone being grumpy - most likely it has nothing to do with you. Believe me (as someone who used to always think it was about me), it makes life much easier to live once you realize that.


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