# Need advice on a sticky situation!



## ShirtHotTeez (Sep 23, 2014)

I think you have done all you can. Get out. Make sure your horses are loaded before saying anything if you are worried she will retaliate.

You have spoken to this person enough times and she continues to disrespect you and already expects you to do chores that are not your responsibility. It is in your best interest to leave as soon as possible, I hope one of the other two barns is an option.

Did I understand right? - the girl paid $20 to the BO for hauling a horse that you actually hauled? You should have got the $20.


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## twhsshbealuvr (Jun 13, 2013)

Yes she gave her money for hauling the horse. I was not happy about it. I did not ask the girl for any money or ever even thought of it because she is a young girl who works to pay all of her horses expenses herself and wanted to do it as a gesture for her. I also hauled the BO's horses to the show with not a single thank you or offer of money. I of course did not expect it because we have traded rides somewhat even though I have hauled the horses more than her. I just feel like at this point I am being taken advantage of and it bothers me because we were friends (or at least I thought). My husband thinks that I am being overly dramatic. My daughter is upset and doesn't even want to go to the barn because when she does the BO is rude to her especially if I am not there. We had planned a show for this weekend but because of all the drama my daughter hasn't ridden and feels ill prepared for the show. I am glad that it is only an open show. However we would have been in the running for highpoint awards I am sure and possibly cash prizes (as she has earned many this year). I am so stressed over the situation. But I think my mind is made up. I have already been in contact with two barns that are an option.


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## q horse (Mar 7, 2009)

With out a doubt move, and the sooner the better! You are not being overly dramatic. Horses suffer health problems from inconsistent feedings. And your poor daughter should not have to deal with a rude woman when she wants to enjoy her horse. You have been more than accommodating, it passed time to go. 
Has said though, don't breath a word about moving until everything is loaded and ready to go!!


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

Definitely sounds like it's time to move-bad horse care plus you daughter is so uncomfortable in the environment she doesn't even want to go to the barn. Why even have the horse then?

I would make all arrangements and get all your things packed up (locked on your trailer and/or taken home) and let her know as you're pulling out with the horse loaded. In this case, I think you're right that the horse's care will suffer once she knows you're leaving.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

This is another one of those Overly Involved, Bat Turd Crazy BO situations that make me shake my head and wonder WTH? Totally agree with the others, find a new place as ASAP as you possibly can, skip the show this weekend and start taking your belongings home until you've cleared out everything but a halter & lead rope to load your horse with. Then load up, leave and either on your way out tell her you won't be returning or wait until your horse is at the new barn and call her. I wouldn't get into a P*ssing match over the crappy care, I'd just say, "Thank you for your care, we've decided to pursue other goals." and let it go at that. And never say a negative word about her to anyone, the horse community is way too small for that.


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

Does the barn where your Trainer is have any openings? I would move ASAP and get away from that stressful situation but if you have to go to another place can you put your name in at the trainer's barn for a stall that comes up in the future?


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Move the horse the same day you give notice - there's nothing saying you have to stick to convention if you are paid up and you have evidence your horse is not being cared for.


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## HeroAndGunner (Jul 25, 2016)

Move. The BO is being irresponsible.


On top of that YOU are not happy. I have been in a boarding situation that left me mad and upset most of the time. It made me dread going out to see my horse. And our horses are suppose to be enjoyable. So I moved and ended up being happier and enjoyed my horse.


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## DannyBoysGrace (Apr 6, 2013)

Run and never look back! Don't tell her until you get the poor pony out of there. I wouldn't advise telling people but at the same time, I feel bad for the horses left in her care without owners realizing how bad it is.


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## carshon (Apr 7, 2015)

This just makes me sad. Running a barn is expensive, time consuming and unrewarding. If you don't know that going in she should not board horses.

You have been a fantastic friend/boarder and she is going to miss you when you are gone. I hope your next BO appreciates your help and that you feel more comfortable.

It takes on bad egg to turn a young person off of horses. get out while your daughter still wants to ride.


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

MOVE! Definitely. It will only get worse, the longer you stay. I'm so sorry this has happened, I can't believe people have some nerve to treat others, AND horses that way. 
I'd load up the stuff, and take the horse with you, that will be her notice. She doesn't even deserve a notice for all that.


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## Prairie (May 13, 2016)

Load your horse first and have the rig pointing out of the driveway towards the road before giving notice that you are leaving. Remember you assumed the responsibility for this horse when you bought him and the person who should have been feeding and caring for him has renigged on what she was being paid to do to the detriment of your horse.


Even though your daughter hasn't practiced this week, don't hold her back from entering the show. If her skills are solid, that time off may be a benefit, giving both the horse and her a new started after the break.


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## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

MOVE ASAP! I suggest gathering all your belongings and inform her the day you are leaving that an opportunity JUST opened up and you have decided to take it. There are many valid reasons that you can give but I would just take the high road, avoid an argument, and put this bad experience behind you. There will probably be bad feelings on her part, but that is her problem not yours. I am very sorry to hear that your daughter is in the middle of this, especially if she had a friendship with this woman's daughter. That may end too, and you may need to prepare her for that.


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## tim62988 (Aug 30, 2012)

haul out to your trainers for a lesson, drop the trailer come back for the rest of your stuff and call it quits.

barn owner may get grumpy so I figure have the horse & your daughter out of there first and a lesson or show are great reasons to be hauling away then they won't have to witness the BO being stupid


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Honestly? I would have left ages ago. Some things happen. Like the footing, good luck riding anywhere outdoors around here half the year! Some things are completely unacceptable (grain as a primary feed, they need hay if they aren't on pasture, or being out of water regularly). Not only is that poor horsemanship and cruel to the horse it's also very expensive when you end up paying multiple vet bills and potentially putting the horse down.

As said, even if the barn and care was perfect, which it sounds FAR from it, you are not happy and more importantly your daughter isn't happy and doesn't even want to go out.


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## ShirtHotTeez (Sep 23, 2014)

I agree with what @Prairie says about the time off. See if your daughter will still go, tell her just to relax and enjoy it and if she gets the points thats a bonus. Going to the show gives you the opportunity to load everything and get out, and if anyone else wants to ride in your truck it is perfectly acceptable to say "no sorry, not this weekend". Good luck.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

The only reason I suggested skipping the show was to forestall any requests from the BO to haul, no need being put on the spot if you can avoid it. AND, since the BO also shows, it avoids a potential confrontation at the show. It also gives you a good opportunity to work on getting everything ready to go to the next facility. Good luck!


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

_*Why are you still at this place???*_

You owe no explanation!
Anyone who needs an explanation ...well, you don't want them taking care of your horse!
You don't need to be "horse-smart" to see and realize that she was not taking proper care of your horse you paid board money for nor her own horses she also neglected.

You own your trailer and tow vehicle.
You make the arrangement for the horse to go to a new barn...
When that is complete, hook up the trailer and *go get your horse.*
Take every single thing that is yours as there is no going back if you "forget" anything...

The care, or lack of it, the lies and excuses the ADULT person in charge made are ridiculous.
Adults make the decisions of how much to feed, when to feed, when to water and accept responsibility not pass the buck for not taking care of stalls, feed and watering of horses..not a kid without supervision.

Get out, NOW!!!

*"Friends like her you not need"*, nor do you need to feel any remorse for taking charge and removing your horse to a facility that will take good care of him, and of your daughter and your generosity.

Any activity like shows or riding clinics should still be attended by your daughter... 
With you in attendance "your friend" will realize she needs to keep her venom to herself.
Riding is supposed to be fun...a time for kids to socialize and learn, get exercise at the same time...
Don't let an adult ruin her dream of having a horse to ride, to love and enjoy...
You, as the parent are the barrier to keep those dreams a reality and buffer for your child from the unpleasantness of some adults...
:runninghorse2:....
_jmo...._


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## horseluvr2524 (Sep 17, 2013)

I agree with all previous posters. Definitely time to leave. Don't think that this is average or norm for horse care OR treatment of boarders/others in the horse world. It is neither. It's another "bat-poop crazy" barn owner. I've gone into boarding places and in the initial look it usually looks great, then the longer I stay the more I find out about sub standard care or detrimental practices.

I have yet to find the perfect barn... I'm not sure it exists. I wish you luck though! Get your horse and your stuff on the road to the new place before you tell BO you are leaving.


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## jgnmoose (May 27, 2015)

In your situation I'd just move. 

The temptation to unload on her would be very strong, but what effect do you think it will really have on a person that is consistently irresponsible?

The whole point of boarding is a safe and relatively clean place to park your horse and have them on steady feed and water. You aren't getting those basic services. 

If she has a Yelp/Google business page I'd definitely leave an honest review.


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## twhsshbealuvr (Jun 13, 2013)

Thank you every one! I am no newbie to horses. But I am feeling heart broken for my daughter and her horse. He is a good boy and a large "investment" for us. I am happy to announce that I have gotten on the ball today and will be moving our horse by next weekend..hopefully. I have two appointments at two different barns this weekend. I have not uttered a word to the BO about our move. AND the girl who I hauled for last week is moving too. She mesaged me today asking if I could move her horse for her at the end of the month. I didn't tell her we're also moving. I feel better knowing I wasn't over reacting. ?


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

twhsshbealuvr said:


> I feel better knowing I wasn't over reacting. ?


FWIW, I don't think you were over reacting. Even if you were, it makes absolutely no difference. There's a saying I like, "Perception is reality." and your perception was that things were not good. Bottom line, even if you were over reacting, you still have a horse that's getting shorted his rations and water, and who knows what else AND you have a daughter that is feeling so stressed she doesn't want to participate in something that SHOULD be fun and healthy. Those key points right there make any claims of over reacting a totally moot issue.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

twhsshbealuvr said:


> . I am happy to announce that I have gotten on the ball today and will be moving our horse by next weekend..hopefully.
> _*Good for you. Good for your daughter and best...Good For Your Horse!!*
> 
> _ I have two appointments at two different barns this weekend. I have not uttered a word to the BO about our move.
> ...


I've seen to many disgruntled barn owners when a exodus of horses is taking place...it isn't pretty!!
Expect their to be tongue wagging and slander against you being passed around...
Take the high road and be glad you will be gone and done with the lies, and poor care now taking place to your horse...
Good luck with your move...
_ENJOY YOUR NEW BARN!!
:runninghorse2:....
_


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## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

horselovinguy said:


> I've seen to many disgruntled barn owners when a exodus of horses is taking place...it isn't pretty!!
> Expect their to be tongue wagging and slander against you being passed around...
> Take the high road and be glad you will be gone and done with the lies, and poor care now taking place to your horse...
> Good luck with your move...
> ...


Your present BO sounds to be the type of person who never sees the errors of their own ways and will put the blame on every problem as the fault of the other person. Be prepared for some attitude when she realizes that she is losing not one but two boarders. Most likely she will take this as a conspiracy on your part. I assume that this other girl is a minor and I would make sure that her parents are there when you move her horse. You are very wise to keep quite about your own plans. You will probably hear about some negative comments made about you afterwards, but keep a mature attitude. If anyone asks why you moved you do not need to give details. You can simply say that you feel your new barn is a better situation for both your horse and your daughter. People will get the hint. Best wishes for you at the new barn.


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

Yay, glad to hear you're getting outta there. Best move to make.
Here's to a happier, better place for your horse and your daughter will be happier too. Let us know how it goes!


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

i have been at a barn that misses feedings... get out before your horse suffers considerably.


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## Kaifyre (Jun 16, 2016)

Good on you to get that horse and your daughter outta there before the proverbial feces hits the fan. If it were me, I'd pack up my stuff, load the horse in the trailer and then tell the BO I wasn't coming back. I wouldn't be aggressive about it, but if she asked me why I was leaving, I'd list every fault. Every. One. I don't go out of my way to make people miserable, but I don't lie to them either. You're not leaving because a new opportunity came up or because the horse doesn't like his stall - you're leaving because the BO is a massive PITA, cannot take proper care of your horse, and makes your daughter feel miserable when she should be having the time of her life. I would tell her why we were leaving, remind her that I'm paid up, and get in the truck and go. If she asks, of course. If she doesn't ask, I wouldn't volunteer the information. I also would advise against coming back to ship somebody else's horse out of there - as others have said that might turn ugly. Once I left, I wouldn't come back.
Anyhoo, hopefully that horse and your daughter will be better off now, let us know how the move goes!! Good luck. : )

-- Kai


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

I would never board where the majority of the feed was grain. Horses need hay or forage. A horse being fed mainly grain is likely to founder and colic. 
I would not put up with a bad barn owner, even if they think they are good.I have moved my horses in the past and told them the day I was moving exactly why I was leaving. One person had been a friend we were no longer friends after I moved.I own my place now. 
I hope your new barn will good a fit. One thing everyone forgets, boarding horses and training horses is a business. The owners / trainers are business people, and a friendship can form, but it is Business first.


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## FarmTalk (Sep 19, 2016)

Leave asap!! and don't give it any more thought! you are better than that.


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## hunterjumperseventing (Sep 19, 2016)

twhsshbealuvr said:


> So for Christmas last year we made our daughters dreams come true and bought her a really nice double registered show horse. We had already been working with a trainer but they were full and didn't have any room for another horse. So we were left with trying to find another facility. We found a facility that is only 5 miles from our home and 10 miles from our trainers that we loved. And we were set to take our new boy there.
> 
> When a parent in my daughters 4-h group got wind that we were looking for a boarding facility she said that she had an open stall and wanted us to come and look at her barn. So we made plans to go look at her place since her girls and my daughter were friends. Her barn wasn't as nice as the facility we had decided on. But....she did have outdoor arena and she offered to board our horse for slightly less (which was a discount according to her) than what we would have paid at the nicer facility. So it was decided that we would board there against my better judgement.
> 
> ...



For me, I can put up with any verbal crap other people give to me. If my horses get involved, I get far away from the offending person as possible. Horses are innocent creatures who don't know any better, so if the animals are getting mistreated or neglected, I would transfer facilities ASAP. This sort of thing happened to me when a stablehand and her mother had something against my family. They didn't fly spray our horses in July and August, when flies are swarming. Fortunately, we got to stay at our barn as the stablehand and her mother got kicked out. But, as you can see, when horses are cared for irresponsibly, things can get serious.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

_*So...have you found a barn, made the move yet?*_

Hoping all is now quiet and good for you...
:runninghorse2:.....


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