# Am I too sensitive?



## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

It is not how it should be, my trainer makes me believe that I can do anything, and she does it by increasing my confidence by success, not shouting at my failures.

Some people do well being pushed by what I would see as abusive methods, and good for them, if that is what works, great. I would find someone else.


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## lostastirrup (Jan 6, 2015)

That is not usual. Be helpful to answer a few more questions like: what discipline do you do? How often do you take lessons? how long have you been riding? how long has it been since your horse was rescued?

Although if you are not happy in your lessons- it can effect how much progress you make with your horse. 
The important thing to look for when you are riding with a trainer is:
are you making progress?
Are his methods in line with how a horse thinks and behaves (ie is your horse frustrated during the training?)
Is he attentive to you only when in the private lesson setting (after all you are paying for his time)


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## Jan1975 (Sep 7, 2015)

I don't think you have the right trainer.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

LittleBay, my daughter has taken lesson from (wait, counting here...) 6 trainers. She's 10. but she started riding when she was 6. So in the last 4 years (soon five) she's had lessons from 6 different trainers. That might make us sound fussy, but she's young and wanted to try different disciplines (English, Western, dressage, jumping, barrel racing, name it). Bottom line is that we've seen all types. The types that push you to spend more money (your daughter NEEDS to lease a horse), the types that ignore her because she's not going to be showing this year because she's too young and the types that actually care. 

A good trainer should listen to you and your goals. It shouldn't matter whether those goals are to just have fun, improve as a rider or be competitive. If you don't feel your trainer understands your goals or helps you achieve them, you need to move on. 

The trainer we have now works with my daughter AND me. She helped us buy our horse, she is there whenever I have a question (literally, almost 24/7 I have her email, Facebook and phone #). I do pay her generously for her time, but cannot imagine having anyone else than her coach us. Neither one of us is going to have a great career as a rider (esp. me!), but it doesn't matter to her. Every concern we have, every question, every idea, is met with an encouraging and supportive response. But it took us years to find her. So take the time to find the person who really understands you and your horse.


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## Smilie (Oct 4, 2010)

Find anew trainer
A GOOD TRAINER is always making positive comments, , balancing any negative ones, encouraging a rider.
If he truly thinks your horse is crap, thus not worth working with, he should have the common decency to direct you to another trainer, more suited to where you and your horse are at now, versus just cashing that cheque


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## HarleyWood (Oct 14, 2011)

Find a new trainer!!! i sent mine off for a month and he knew his name right away! my trainers not a fan of blue eyed horses but worked with him like any other horse, trained him the way i wanted ( for barrel racing) and not just general training so the leg and hand movements were more geared to barrel racing. he talked me through everything and would treat my horse like his own with riding, ground work, feeding him and everything else! 

A few years later i go back with my moms horse and he remembered my horse and asked how he was and what i was doing with him. and treated my moms horse just the same!! If he was rude and talked about my horses like that i wouldnt have taken my moms horse there or tell people to go to him. If it was me i would pull my horse out of there and go somewhere else!!! and find someone who would treat them better then that!!


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Ditch this loser.


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## Bedhead (Aug 4, 2013)

Didn't know the horse's name after two months? Are you kidding me? (Which yes, while not unheard of it's extremely unprofessional and beyond rude for a trainer to treat the riders who aren't showing six figure horses like dirt, but not taking the time to learn the name of a new horse for MONTHS is a whole new realm of 'don't give a flip' dismissive.)

Find a new trainer.


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## Boo Walker (Jul 25, 2012)

Please understand that this "trainer" is putting that nasty energy into YOUR horse. Time to put an end to this relationship. Bring her home, spend some time bonding and healing her. You may find you don't need a trainer right now. If you run into issues along the way, you can always take her to someone where that trainer will teach you how to correct the issue. Then bring her back home at the end of the day and work on it at your own speed. You can do this! Don't ever lose that sensitivity


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## Overread (Mar 7, 2015)

LittleBay said:


> The trainer yells at me constantly and has never said one thing nice about my horse, always negative.



What does he say about you and what is he shouting? 


Honestly even if there is some merit in the trainers methods and even if they are experienced it sounds like you and they are not getting along and that its time to find a new trainer. A student and teacher relationship has to work in order for the student to actually learn. That doesn't mean you have to be best friends, but both sides must respect each other. 

A teacher can't teach a student they don't respect and a student certainly cannot learn from a teacher they don't respect. It sounds like in this case your teacher does not respect you nor your horse and that in turn you're not respecting them either (the way you describe their view of you as a cheque suggests this).



I would find someone new.
As others said a trainer should be supportive and work with you and your horse to get the best out of you and to guide you toward your target goal. They should have some push to them to make you do new things; but at the same time they should be working with not against you.


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## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

It is definitely time to find a new trainer and one that you are comfortable with. There is no excuse for insulting your horse. Pointing out that your horse may not have the potential to perform at higher levels is one thing, but he certainly can be trained to the best of his ability. I have also taught some rather uncoordinated students and found that complimenting them on what they can do (reasonably) well keeps them encouraged to work harder on their faults. I also feel that an instructor/trainer should invest their time and accept payment for taking the client in the direction they want to go or not take on the job. Someone simply looking to improve their riding should be considered as important as someone looking to go into competition.


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## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

So here's the thing - I have a little bit of a different view.

Yes, this trainer may in fact be a total jerk - But I know some people who come off like that but really aren't.

The lady I grew up with was downright mean at times. She would have people in tears during lessons. She was a get it done, take no prisoners type - Yet somewhere under that she was the kindest, most pleasurable person to be around. I remember growing up, being young and crying SO much. So much. I thought I was absolutely worthless, I was never going to get it, and I wouldn't live up to her expectations. Yet the first time I did something right - It was like a party. She clapped, said "Woohoo! You did it! Give your horse a pat. That was awesome." and then we were right back to the drill sergeant right after that.

I learned a lot from that one, even as I watched other people storm out and call her a "no-good b****" or swear they'd never come back because she was too mean.

Still though, at the end of the day, if you are not comfortable with a trainer you shouldn't be riding with them. I would try and talk to her, express your concerns, see what she says - If you still aren't making it anywhere after that, I'd probably leave. No sense in being with someone who isn't bettering you.


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Welcome to the forum. Lots of experienced members here with good advice. You can learn a lot. I have, and I have had horses most of my life. One thing with horses is that you never quit learning.

I would look for another instructor if I were in your shoes.

There are a whole lot of things we don't know about you and your horse and that makes it a bit difficult to hand out advice. 
What is your level of experience? Are you just beginning to develop riding skills? 
You said your horse is a rescue. I assume the horse is healthy and sound. Does it have any training or talent for what you want to do? Or do you need someone to train you and your horse? Some people and train a horse, some can teach a rider, some can do both.

This guy is probably used to working with more advanced riders so his style is acceptable with them. But if you are starting out someone with a bit more "understanding" might be a better choice. A little encouragement along the way never hurts.


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## Sweeney Road (Feb 12, 2012)

My first riding lessons were taken at a hunter/jumper barn. I thought I had made it pretty clear that I really wasn't interested *at that moment* in learning how to jump, because I wanted to get thoroughly grounded in basics. I eventually realized that I was being pushed way beyond what I was ready for, and the reason why was because the money was in making their students ride in shows. Since I had no interest in show jumping, there was really not much effort put into having me learn how to ride English. 

If your trainer is always negative, and hasn't bothered to learn the name of your horse after a couple of months--that trainer is not really interested in advancing your skills as a rider, nor in helping you get your horse to a higher level of performance.


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## MyBoySi (Dec 1, 2011)

Find a new trainer that can help build you up rather then tear you down. 

Some people respond well to what I would consider "harsher" training methods and others don't. I don'f think it makes you sensitive at all. 

It sounds like if you continue with your current trainer you'll come to dread your horse time and I know I personally put way to much time and money into my animals to do anything but enjoy them to the fullest.


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## Cowgirlupyup (Jan 31, 2016)

*I don't like the sound of him.*

I don't like the sound of him. I would fire him. Trust me trainer can be mean and can do a lot of damage to your horse...


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

To be honest I wouldn't care if the trainer knew the name of my horse or not, it's not really relevant and it doesn't really serve them in anyway. 

I'm certainly not saying your trainer is great but the way you've asked this question I guess makes me question it a bit, your question wasn't is my trainer a jerk, rather am I too sensitive. To me that shows that you've perhaps recognised something in yourself that's made you doubt your judgement. 

My first question would be is your trainer actually yelling? Is it like he's actually angry or passionate? Because later on you say he doesn't care, but someone who doesn't care isn't going to spend his time yelling. If he is legitimately being aggressive then I'd drop him right away. But if he's raising his voice to communicate, being directive to achieve results well perhaps a different story. He may have crap people skills. I've had some really grumpy trainer that I have learned a lot from.

I guess my experience with some good trainers is they don't care a lot about your horse. They are focussed on you and your horse progressing and they don't care f your horse is a rescue or sweet or what, you guys are either doing your job as a pair or not. Your horse is doing what is asked or not. He may my think your horse is much of a competition horse, he may be right. If he makes you feel bad then get a new trainer but be honest with yourself about what you don't like so you don't get in the situation again.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

My trainer yells a lot but there is a difference between "yelling to get the point across in the heat of the moment" and "yelling at you". Some people can't take either or they can't distinguish between the two.


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## Overread (Mar 7, 2015)

Horsef said:


> My trainer yells a lot but there is a difference between "yelling to get the point across in the heat of the moment" and "yelling at you". Some people can't take either or they can't distinguish between the two.


Aye and like all teacher-student relationships it has to work between both for any teaching to happen. Even if the teacher is doing nothing "wrong" if the methods don't work for the student then its a situation where the student should start looking for another teacher. 

Sometimes communication between the two can resolve the issue, however this tends to need to happen early on otherwise people get a viewpoint established and its hard to shake that feeling. 


From what the OP said it sounds like they've just lost faith and trust in their trainer and do not enjoy the teaching sessions. Doesn't mean the teacher doesn't know what they are doing; just that the student is not receptive to their methods/personality.


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## loosie (Jun 19, 2008)

LittleBay said:


> This trainer thinks my horse is crap and didn't know my horses name after two months. The trainer yells at me constantly and has never said one thing nice about my horse, always negative. He only cares about his most elite riders, I'm nothing but a check. Is this how it usually works and I just didnt know? Thanks!


Why would you keep putting up with that, let alone pay for it?? You really don't need anyone to tell you it's not right, you just need to respect your feelings more IMHO.


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## loosie (Jun 19, 2008)

...& now I've read the replies... I did think it was *possible* it was more about your perception of the trainer, but even if, agree with others that if you're not getting along, why do it.



SorrelHorse said:


> I remember growing up, being young and crying SO much. So much. *I thought I was absolutely worthless*, I was never going to get it, and I wouldn't live up to her expectations.


There is NO good excuse for this type of *mental abuse*, especially of children. IMHO



> Yet the first time I did something right - It was like a party. She clapped, said "Woohoo! You did it! Give your horse a pat. That was awesome." and then we were right back to the drill sergeant right after that.


It's the moments of 'loving' that keep many abused spouses 'addicted' & coming back for more & making excuses about the abuse, too.


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## 6gun Kid (Feb 26, 2013)

Are you too sensitive? Maybe. But this is supposed to be your fun time, right? Go somewhere else, life is too darned short to be miserable and way too short to pay somebody to make you miserable.


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## Bedhead (Aug 4, 2013)

6gun Kid said:


> Are you too sensitive? Maybe. But this is supposed to be your fun time, right? Go somewhere else, life is too darned short to be miserable and way too short to pay somebody to make you miserable.


This. At the end of the day riding is supposed to be fun. It doesn't matter if you're hacking around on a nag or working a top show horse. Yes as you progress it gets more serious and you have to work rather than poke around, but you should still be enjoying it. If you're not, then something is wrong. 

For me personally, it doesn't bother me if a trainer gets onto me because I'm not doing something right. However there's a fine line between them getting loud because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to and just being a jerk. My trainers correct me without crossing that line (even when I'm just not getting it, bless them), and all is well in my little world. Of course, they're also quick to praise when I get it right. 

If the trainer is making it not fun, then go find one who's happy to work with what goals you have in mind.


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## Betty (Dec 17, 2012)

Fire this trainer and fast! You are the decision maker because you pay the bill. Been there done that with an old trainer and stayed around way to long and took the abuse. It set my horse and I back for months.


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## Hackamore (Mar 28, 2014)

You are paying for a service and there is no reason to pay for something you are not satisfied with. 
Not all good horse people are good with people. Teaching people requires a different skill set. Find someone you can learn from.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Casting my vote for “Find a new trainer, FAST”. 

Some people love a trainer that really comes down hard and pushes them hard. I am not one of those people- the first thing I tell any trainer I take lessons from is that if they YELL or get upset easily, we are not going to work well together. As a survivor of abuse, yelling and screaming is the quickest way to put my brain on red alert. I spend the whole time I am around the person with my guard up, unable to relax, and worrying more about not upsetting them than I am about learning. I do best with quiet, patient teachers and I feel like I progress a lot quicker. 

A good trainer realizes that every rider is on a different journey. Not at least learning the horse’s name, and saying bad things about the horse all the time just tells me she’s letting her personal feelings get in the way of her professionalism- but again, not all trainers are good business people, and some have this “I’m brutally honest because I’m too lazy to actually have to think about what comes out of my mouth, and the effect it has on other people”. 

In my experience, the trainers who tell you they are “brutally honest” usually are people who enjoy brutality much more than honesty.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you have anything good to say about him, either.
If you really feel this way, I agree that you should find a new trainer. Horseback riding lessons are not cheap and you should be happy with what you are paying for c:


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## alsosusieq2 (Apr 30, 2016)

Find a new trainer. You're paying them and getting upset, not worth it. There's lots of other trainers, who might be able to work with you and your horse better.


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