# Dealing with the Timid Rider



## Ally56 (Feb 12, 2012)

HELP! About a year or so ago, we got a new girl start boarding at our barn. She owns an off the track thoroughbred, but she is about 10 years old, and VERY mello. I have never seen her buck, kick, or rear. Anyways, this girl started riding with us last summer, and it was immediately obvious she was a bit green. She had trouble controlling her horse, and anything she did wrong as a rider she blamed the mare for. This year we have began trail riding on trails around the barn. The first trip we went on, this girl tagged along and ended up complaining the whole time about how her horse hated trail riding, and how he was misbehaving, and how we need to go back to the field. The second time, she wouldn't make him cross the creek because she was afraid the water was too deep for him, even though I crossed it easily on my 14 hand gelding. We all had to turn back because she kept making all of these excuses. We suggested that she swap horses with somebody who is stronger, but she refused, so none of us could go where we wanted because she wouldn't cross. The third time, she wouldn't walk in water any deeper than her horses ankle deep because she claimed her mare didn't like it, she wouldn't go up steep hills because her mate couldn't make it(even though my friend did on her pony), and she wouldn't go down steep hills because she said the saddle hurts her horse going down. She has made up various other excuses too. She finally let someone on her horse this third ride, and the mare was an angel. Did EVERYTHING right on a posse rein. Even lead, followed, and walked in the middle of horses. This girl keeps such a tight rein on this horse all the time for no reason and she has a dry severe bit on her. Any help? I don't know what to do. I wish I could just stop bringing her on rides, but she always gets to the barn the same time as us, and she just tags along and makes us suffer for her fear. I was a timid rider once too, and understand her fear, but I always made sure that nobody else suffered from it.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

has anyone tried riding with her one on one. maybe if someone got to know her to where she felt comfortable admitting that she's scared


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## Ally56 (Feb 12, 2012)

Yeah, mmmmmmmmmo.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

Ally56 said:


> Yeah, I've been riding and texting her a lot, because nobody else wants to ride with her anymore. She told me that her horse was just acting up. After the other girl got on her horse she told me that the horse only misbehaves for her and is an angel with anyone else. I told her maybe she disrespects you and she said hat she just couldn't spend enough time with her. Any tips on the trails to make her more confident? I'm not sure if letting her lead the way would help or what.


maybe if you just rode thru areas where theres nothing that she cant handle (if thats possible). i wonder if she just needs to get her confidence up and she can try the other stuff when she's ready.

i have no idea, im just throwing things out there. no experience or anything behind my suggestions lol!


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## Ally56 (Feb 12, 2012)

No you're right! Thank you for the suggestion, she probably just needs a confidence builder.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

All you can do really is try to encourage her to be a little bit bolder and offer little suggestions like "I think your mare would be a little more relaxed if you would ride her on a looser rein". It might also help if everyone wasn't so quick to alter their own course just to accommodate her.

As mean as it may sound, I would take the trail that _I_ wanted to take and if she ran into trouble, then I would offer to help or offer suggestions. If she continued to refuse and whine about everything her horse "couldn't" do, I would politely suggest that she should maybe head on back to the barn. Then, I would continue on the trail that _I_ wished to ride. That would leave her with the choice of either heading back or growing a pair and pushing to stay up with the rest of the group.

You guys aren't doing yourselves or her any favors by just accommodating her shortcomings. Offer to help as much as you can but if she keeps on with the whining and the excuses, just leave her behind.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I pretty much agree with the above, though I would make it clear to her at the outset that you aren't turning back at the creek, so she can make the decision to not go with you or do so, knowing what it entails ahead of time.

Also, the more you demonstrate good horsemanship in front of her, the more she may, (and I mean might) look to emulate your successful way of riding.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

yea it may be better that way. the only thing that would keep me from doing that is pushing a kid to do somethin they arent comfortable with and if they ended up hurt from it.

is it just the water that is bothering her? wonder if she cant swim and is afraid of water. im 24 years old, cant swim and i wont take a horse thru water deeper than a couple feet.


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## outnabout (Jul 23, 2010)

Maybe I missed this somewhere, but how old is the timid rider? If she is going out with riders of her age group, I agree with smrobs... she knows what she is in for on a trail by now and should welcome the challenges or find something else to do. On the other hand, if there is an inequity in terms of age or experience with the other riders, she may be reaching for a learning experience but not handling it well due to fear or something else. This would IMO require compassion, but not at the expense of the group. I think someone suggested going out one on one with someone who would encourage her.
This situation brought to mind some trail rides I did in the hill country in Texas a couple of years back. I did the advanced rides with a guide from a dude ranch and there was a 15-year old daughter of one of the men who began crying about 10 minutes into the ride because she was so scared. We had only done a couple of dry creek crossings with steep inclines at that point. The horses cantered up the inclines and there was mostly trotting. Of course, some talk about wild boars to make it all more fun :twisted: I offered to have her ride beside me, but the guide was a real dear and took her on up front, riding with him. 
She was terrified the whole ride that lasted about 3 hours (and not without incident ) but she made it. After that I wonder if she is still riding horses and doing trail rides.
Bottom line... compassion and encouragement when a rider gets in over their head is appropriate, but only once. After that, it is best to be honest and let the rider know that there will be creek crossings and inclines so they had best not come along until they are comfortable because the group will not wait up for them. OP is probably like most of us who live for the next trail ride and the last thing we need is a ninny whining about a creek crossing!


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## ElaineLighten (Jan 1, 2012)

You could always let her know what route you're taking before you go, then if she say's she'll come, great, but if she wants to turn back or not do something remind her that before you went you told her where you were going and you're not turning back. 
I can imagine this being pretty annoying and frustrating for you, but she might just lack the confidence in herself and her horse, so maybe some of the rides stick within her limits, try make it fun and encourage her to have some fun too!


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

i would see if i could get her out to groom her horse while grooming yours and casually talk about things then bring up things your scared of ... and elaborate so then it encourages her to know that you guys aren't perfect but you work through it... and eventually ask her what about you?? do you have any fears or anything with your horse?? but doing it casually will bring a good conversation while working around them from the ground.

if you really have no fear you could make a white lie and say when i first started riding i was scared of water crossings... but my horse loved it and when i trusted her to get me through it i realized it wasnt so bad... something simple like that.

then whatever fears she brings up offer to help her overcome them. 

a situation like that might be best then you wont have to suffer shortening the trail ride and she wont have to be scared to ride back alone... 

if she is just nervous in general about her horse see if you can help her in a round pen...like join up type thing that could inspire her to trust her horse a bit more when she realizes he will follow her...

one thing for sure is no one is benefiting by turning back... you guys lose trail time and she loses more and more confidence in eiter herself or her horse


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

outnabout said:


> Maybe I missed this somewhere, but how old is the timid rider? If she is going out with riders of her age group, I agree with smrobs... she knows what she is in for on a trail by now and should welcome the challenges or find something else to do. On the other hand, if there is an inequity in terms of age or experience with the other riders, she may be reaching for a learning experience but not handling it well due to fear or something else. This would IMO require compassion, but not at the expense of the group. I think someone suggested going out one on one with someone who would encourage her.
> This situation brought to mind some trail rides I did in the hill country in Texas a couple of years back. I did the advanced rides with a guide from a dude ranch and there was a 15-year old daughter of one of the men who began crying about 10 minutes into the ride because she was so scared. We had only done a couple of dry creek crossings with steep inclines at that point. The horses cantered up the inclines and there was mostly trotting. Of course, some talk about wild boars to make it all more fun :twisted: I offered to have her ride beside me, but the guide was a real dear and took her on up front, riding with him.
> She was terrified the whole ride that lasted about 3 hours (and not without incident ) but she made it. After that I wonder if she is still riding horses and doing trail rides.
> Bottom line... compassion and encouragement when a rider gets in over their head is appropriate, but only once. After that, it is best to be honest and let the rider know that there will be creek crossings and inclines so they had best not come along until they are comfortable because the group will not wait up for them. OP is probably like most of us who live for the next trail ride and the last thing we need is a ninny whining about a creek crossing!


Agreed -- I was also wondering what the age of the rider in question is. Some suggestions would vary based on that.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I don't think her age matters at all. I'd tell her where I was going and if she wanted to come she's welcome but i'm not turning around or going a different way to accomodate her. It will better prepare her for adult life as well as making her a better rider.


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## dee (Jul 30, 2009)

I think I would be inclined to let her know in advance where you will be riding, and that you do not plan on turning back. If she wants to go, fine, but she will have to cowgirl up if she does. 

I don't much like the idea of having her return to the barn by herself if she chickens out...she may not be able to handle the horse on her own - especially if the horse would prefer to remain with the group and not strike out alone. That coud be a recipe for disaster.

You might encourage her to have a little faith in her horse - it sounds like she really doesn't have any trust there. Unless you see something to indicate otherwise, let her know that the horse will take care of her, and she needed worry overmuch. 

I'm an incredibly chicken rider. While trail riding with friends on obstacles I am unsure of, I just ride with a loose rein and hang on for dear life (yes - sometimes even with my eyes closed!) Fortunately, I've always had good horses that weren't willing to be left behind, so they kept up with the group. Most of the time my companions were unaware of how scared I was - I didn't want them to know. 

If my horse was truly being a witch, my companions had no issues with either trading horses or returning to base to drop me off. Maybe that was because if my horse was being a witch, there was probably another horse acting up, too!

Funny how they usually thought I was a pretty competent trail rider - if they only knew the truth!


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

kevinshorses said:


> I don't think her age matters at all. I'd tell her where I was going and if she wanted to come she's welcome but i'm not turning around or going a different way to accomodate her. It will better prepare her for adult life as well as making her a better rider.


The reason that age was a consideration in some of the advice I might offer would be that approaching a parent/guardian may be advisable in some situations.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I can see that.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

i still think it would be better to take some time and get to know the girl and become someone she looks up to and trusts. talk with her and groom your horses together like suggested above. and she'll cross the water when she's ready. then she can overcome a fear, and have a friend/role model in the hobby she enjoys.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

as has been suggested, let her know you are going on said trail and will be crossing creeks, up hills, etc. if she wants to stay at the barn she can, or maybe later in the week set up a shorter, easier ride for her to come along.

i hate riders that blame the horse. being so nervous and uptight, especially when it involves pulling on the reins and harsh bits, can result in an awful wreck that is all the riders fault. We had one guy who's horse "didn't like" things or became "scared" of hills, water, footing, traffic, etc. no one else had a problem riding his horse, his horse was well behaved, just he had fears he wasn't willing to face. he finally stopped riding with us. while we were willing to slow down, we were not willing to stop riding where there were were hills, roads, water and mud.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

If you give advice to a rider that blames thier horse and something happens guess who gets blamed. Not the horse.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

kevin but if you dont give advice and let them go back alone you might have bigger problems...


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

You're right I probably wouldn't invite her anymore. If she tagged along then that's up to her and I wouldn't have any liability.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

im glad people didnt have that outlook when i was learning to ride


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

you need to either go out on trail rides to help and teach her, or you need to go on trail rides to enjoy yourself. Because your not gonna be able to do both. If you go with her just head out with the mindset you are on a teaching ride. I wouldnt let her tagalong and be responsible for her on days that I want to ride and enjoy myself.


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

kait18 said:


> i would see if i could get her out to groom her horse while grooming yours and casually talk about things then bring up things your scared of ... and elaborate so then it encourages her to know that you guys aren't perfect but you work through it... and eventually ask her what about you?? do you have any fears or anything with your horse?? but doing it casually will bring a good conversation while working around them from the ground.
> 
> if you really have no fear you could make a white lie and say when i first started riding i was scared of water crossings... but my horse loved it and when i trusted her to get me through it i realized it wasnt so bad... something simple like that.
> 
> ...


 I agree with Kait


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

ls6firebird said:


> im glad people didnt have that outlook when i was learning to ride


I don't mean to seem grumpy about it but I wouldn't take responsibility for someone elses child unless I was in charge and a liability waiver was signed. If this girl follows your instructions and her horse does something to get her injured you could lose everything you own. That's too steep a price to pay in my mind for me to teach someone to ride a horse.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

kevinshorses said:


> I don't mean to seem grumpy about it but I wouldn't take responsibility for someone elses child unless I was in charge and a liability waiver was signed. If this girl follows your instructions and her horse does something to get her injured you could lose everything you own. That's too steep a price to pay in my mind for me to teach someone to ride a horse.


i hear ya. thats definately a good point. im not saying your wrong at all. but some people took that risk on me when i was young, and i know what it meant to me to have an older friend to look up to, so i will take that risk to help younger kids who want to learn


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## soenjer55 (Dec 4, 2011)

Put her on a difficult horse. Then, she'll either be too scared to bother you guys again or she'll buck up.
Naw. Just kidding, that's a little mean.
She just needs to realize that she's not going to die. Which means she has to go up that steep hill and see that the horse will be fine, and to cross that river and realize that even if it is deep, horses can swim. She's inexperienced, therefore afraid. Besides, she's pretty lucky to have the horse she does as a beginner, because my first horse would have galloped through the river and up the hill whether I was okay with it or not... lol.
The best thing for this, I believe, is to just keep taking her on trail rides, and enjoy yourselves- if she's scared of climbing up the hill and acts like a brat, but sees that all the experienced people are calm and collected, she'll start to think about it. It will take time, but in the long run, it's worth it. I went through the exact same thing with my little sister- I was the daredevil, who galloped everywhere, while she cried when the horse trotted. She still doesn't really like to go fast, but she's a good, comfortable rider now, because we spent the time to get her over her fear, no matter how annoying she was. (And trust me, she was ANNOYING!)


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

ls6firebird said:


> i hear ya. thats definately a good point. im not saying your wrong at all. but some people took that risk on me when i was young, and i know what it meant to me to have an older friend to look up to, so i will take that risk to help younger kids who want to learn


I'd have a long talk with her parents first. After all they are the ones that would decide to sue you or not.


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

You would have to get the girls parent ok and sign a wavier


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I don't understand.

She doesn't sound like she's having fun on the trail rides. Why does she keep coming along?

She doesn't sound like people enjoy having her there. Why does she still get invites?


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

I think she just is there and they feel sorry for her and she tags along 
If I was with them I would lead her through the streams and the trail providing 
the trail was wide enough


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

I think she needs some lessons in a ring to gain confidence then 
gradually be out on the trail 

BTW how old is the young lady


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

when I learned to ride on the trails it was shut up and hang on. Never was on crazy horses, but they had get up and go and I would have been left behind if i didnt just hang on, face my fear, and go along for the ride. Before long I started to enjoy my self.


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

kevinshorses said:


> I'd have a long talk with her parents first. After all they are the ones that would decide to sue you or not.


i think this would be a great idea especially in this situation. not just for liability, but parenting may have a lot to do with her acting the way she does. maybe shes spoiled and gets everything her way. if thats the case, yea she probly needs someone to tell her if she cant handle the ride, she needs to stay at the barn. or maybe her parents are hard on her or just dont do much for her. if thats the case, that would explain her not being able to trust the horse, and she needs someone to show a little compassion and help her out.

i didnt have much parenting growing up, so the people that taught me to ride and helped me with everything really made a difference.


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## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

ls6firebird said:


> im glad people didnt have that outlook when i was learning to ride


 me too!


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## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

Just my two cents...I am back into riding after over twenty years off. I have my first horse. I realize now that everything I thought I knew about riding was nothing but ego and being invincibable and a know it all as I was "that age."
I am now at a barn where the barn owner and the boarders are beyond kind. They are teaching me everything I need to know and working with me on area where I lack confidence. They don't take the big hills right now because they know I am still working my way up, they don't cantor through the trails the entire time because they know I am not there yet. With their patience...I am becoming a confident rider and I get better every single time they take me out. They have made me feel comfortable enough that I can express to them when I am not comfortable. This girl has probably not been made to feel welcome or comfortable enough to express that she is afraid.
After reading this string...makes me so grateful to be at this barn with these kind and patient women ...who btw are always telling me that they did not always know how to ride up hills and through creeks either!


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## ls6firebird (Mar 8, 2012)

Mellow Mel said:


> Just my two cents...I am back into riding after over twenty years off. I have my first horse. I realize now that everything I thought I knew about riding was nothing but ego and being invincibable and a know it all as I was "that age."
> I am now at a barn where the barn owner and the boarders are beyond kind. They are teaching me everything I need to know and working with me on area where I lack confidence. They don't take the big hills right now because they know I am still working my way up, they don't cantor through the trails the entire time because they know I am not there yet. With their patience...I am becoming a confident rider and I get better every single time they take me out. They have made me feel comfortable enough that I can express to them when I am not comfortable. This girl has probably not been made to feel welcome or comfortable enough to express that she is afraid.
> After reading this string...makes me so grateful to be at this barn with these kind and patient women ...who btw are always telling me that they did not always know how to ride up hills and through creeks either!


this is how its supposed to be. take some time and help the people who need it, and then down the road when they gain experience, you have another friend to ride with


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## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

That is exactly how I see it....I just called my barnmates and thanked them for being so wonderful.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

> this is how its supposed to be. Take some time and help the people who need it, and then down the road when they gain experience, you have another friend to ride with


this is ideal, but until you are willing to admit your afraid and face that, no one can help and you cant improve. my little sister is very timid, and i'm having to take extra time with her, but she never blames her horse and will listen when you tell her its ok, she can do it. another beginner rider on the farm is the same way. I have had the experience of working with a rider who blames the horse and wont take advice. it was not fun for any one, including the horse.


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## Hunter65 (Aug 19, 2009)

BlueSpark said:


> this is ideal, but until you are willing to admit your afraid and face that, no one can help and you cant improve. my little sister is very timid, and i'm having to take extra time with her, but she never blames her horse and will listen when you tell her its ok, she can do it. another beginner rider on the farm is the same way. I have had the experience of working with a rider who blames the horse and wont take advice. it was not fun for any one, including the horse.



This is true. There is a young woman at my barn who we shall say is a bit of a princess. I take her with me sometimes when I trailer out to go trail riding. The first time she fought the horse the whole time and complained. I was watching her and everything her horse was doing was because she would let it. I could tell she was a nervous rider (her horse is a mild mannered standardbred). I told her that her horse was picking up that she was nervous, she said "Oh I'm not nervous I just don't trust her" Is that not the same thing. Why do some people have such a hard time admitting they are nervous, there is no shame in it. I used to be terrified to ride Hunter and still get nervous when he gets overexcited.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

Guys, I think everyone needs to look at the other side too. Yes, she's timid, and yes, she's afraid, but the OP has stated that she has not been "invited" on these trail rides, she just happens to show up at the barn at the same time and she just tags along. Yes, it is nice when people take time out of their day to spend an entire ride coaching a green/scared rider, but it's not fair to the OP and her friends to just _expect_ them to teach this girl everything. I don't mind helping a new rider out whenever they ride with me, but I also have unlimited access and time to go ride on my own. Not everyone has that and I would consider it unfair to the other riders to make them feel guilty for not wanting to spend the limited time they have with their horse trying to coach this girl.

OP, another idea you might suggest to the girl is that she start taking lessons with someone who can teach her how to ride better and how to deal with obstacles on the trail.


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## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

I cannot imagine showing up at my barn and people getting ready to ride out and not being asked to go along. Maybe she is asking because she really wants to go and they are not offering. I agree that someone should talk to her about lessons. It is not easy being the new person at a barn and new to horses. I am just saying a little compassion goes along way. Some people are also not comfortable enough with the people they are with to admit they are nervous. Sometimes people aren't that nice and make others feel uncomfortable.
Maybe the barn owner can take this person under her wing a bit and help her get some lessons. 
This one just hit a chord with me.


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

my daughter's best friend is a timid rider 
she thinks giving the horse a little kick is mean and she only 
likes to walk , and she just sits there where my daughter knows how to 
ride cause I taught her how I ride


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

kevinshorses said:


> I don't think her age matters at all. I'd tell her where I was going and if she wanted to come she's welcome but i'm not turning around or going a different way to accomodate her. It will better prepare her for adult life as well as making her a better rider.


Yep, welcome to reality. :wink:


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

A couple of random thoughts.

1. It is inconceivable to me how people get a horse and then just get on and ride with no prior knowledge. That old saying you don't know what you don't know rings true.

2. It is exceedingly rude to over and over impose yourself on others. I was taught that by my parents a long time ago. If I'm not invited to be part of a group of people I don't really know, I don't impose myself.

3. I did not start trail riding on my leased horse until my trainer felt confident that I could W/T/C in complete control and balance. 

4. I agree with those who said that a relaxing trail ride is no time to deal with a beginner's insecurities. And personally, as someone who is financially responsible for a family, I am not exposing myself to the liability of training someone else's kid.


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## Ally56 (Feb 12, 2012)

Thanks for all of your comments. I will try to answer as man questions as I can now. She is about 14, and me and the other two girls I ride with are 15, so not a very large age difference at all. We all board our horses at a barn together, so that is why we always ride. We tell her every time we go out, that if she doesn't cross the creek, we will leave her. She goes every time, even though we all know she is going to hold us up. And we can't exactly leave her on the trail, because the only way our parents let us ride without an adult is if we stay together. We wouldn't invite her anymore, except for it hurts her feelings if we don't, so the adults make us text her whenever we ride. Anyways, I don't want you all to have to solve these problems, I really just need to know how to build her confidence. I have thought about letting her ride my mare because everyone at the barn knows her as being bombproof, but I have heard other people say that she really needs to gain her confidence on her own horse. Any help?


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

I think she needs a few lessons on her own horse with a trainer 
Maybe she looks up to you all and admires you and the way you 
ride


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## justxride97 (Jan 12, 2012)

First off- just continue being nice to her. Nobody will listen and respect someone who is constantly critisising them. Encourage her and offer new suggestions. 
Maybe you can even ask her if she wants some help. Maybe you could offer her a lesson, and work through her problems. I think that would really help her. She needs to learn the right way to ride her horse. Explain to her that if she learned just a few tips her riding would be so much better, etc. etc. Have fun with her and encourage her to loosen up a bit. Tell her how the things she is doing is affecting her horse. The bit, too tight reins, etc. But overall, I pretty much agree with everyone above... 
I understand how frustrating it is too ride with someone so timid and sometimes not even open to suggestions... 
~Gabrielle


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## Crossover (Sep 18, 2010)

Ally56 said:


> Thanks for all of your comments. I will try to answer as man questions as I can now. She is about 14, and me and the other two girls I ride with are 15, so not a very large age difference at all. We all board our horses at a barn together, so that is why we always ride. We tell her every time we go out, that if she doesn't cross the creek, we will leave her. She goes every time, even though we all know she is going to hold us up. And we can't exactly leave her on the trail, because the only way our parents let us ride without an adult is if we stay together. We wouldn't invite her anymore, except for it hurts her feelings if we don't, so the adults make us text her whenever we ride. Anyways, I don't want you all to have to solve these problems, I really just need to know how to build her confidence. I have thought about letting her ride my mare because everyone at the barn knows her as being bombproof, but I have heard other people say that she really needs to gain her confidence on her own horse. Any help?


I'd tell your parents that though you don't mind asking her now and then but occasionally you'd like to be able to go without her as she holds you and your friends back from having a full ride. See if they'll agree to an every other ride with her.
If they agree then a polite but firm conversation with the girl stating that you and your friends wish to have a ride that is above her current riding level but that next time you guys will have a quieter and easier ride with her. That way your rides with her will be more relaxed. 
Before letting her ride your horse I'd check into the liability issues.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Honestly? I'd tell her she wasn't welcome since it is all too clear that she is not enjoying herself AND she is ruining the situation for the rest of you.

And she can grow up and suck it up.

Coddling people like this serves no purpose. And I also imagine it is the way she does concerning everything else in her life.

Her behavior will end up getting one of the rest of you hurt.

Life isn't fair, it isn't pretty, and no one wants to put up with someone whining nonstop. 

Being firm with her might be the best thing that ever happened to her.

But no way would she be going out with me anymore.


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## Country Woman (Dec 14, 2011)

I don't think anyones been firm with her either and when she whines 
she gets what she wants I think this started with her folks 
and her friends


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## xJumperx (Feb 19, 2012)

I had a situation like this with my parents, except not really over horses - They wanted me to keep inviting this chick to my house and being her friend, since I was her friend a while ago. Well, she went boy-crazy and ended up with us having to rescue her mini and rehoming it because quite frankly he was maybe a 3-4 on the weight scale and standing in a foot of his own poo. Therefore, I hate her. Really, you need to explain to your parents why you dont like her.

Tell them that she holds your riding back. Tell them that you can tell she doesn't enjoy herself, and makes it hard for you to enjoy your own time with your horse. When she gets her feelings hurt, simply tell her, "We know *your mare* doesn't like creeks and (insert whatever else she is scared of) so we thought you wouldn't want to come." Make it seem like she brought this on herself, and it makes it seem like you aren't critisizing her at all - just taking the words she used out of her mouth. Then maybe, (and hopefully) she will realise she needs to toughin up, or shut up.


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## Paintlover1965 (May 22, 2009)

It is a difficult position for you to be in for sure but I agree with another poster that the girl in question would benefit from some riding lessons on her own horse to build her confidence. I was in the same situation before but with an older person who panicked and was worried about everything we might meet on a trail ride. We just kept going out with her and gave her plus plus reassurance and showed her some ways to deal with different and scary situations. With time she learned that she could actually deal with some of the scary situations quite easily once we showed her how much fun we could have together. Of course she is still a little weary of some things but she was able to overcome her fears with our help and with the help of our trainer. I have found that is always better to try and help someone overcome their fears (granted they are willing) rather than ostracize them and potentially lose their friendship. Hope this helps!


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