# Is There Barn Etiquette?



## Chevaux (Jun 27, 2012)

Apparently the two ladies needed some alone time together.

Now on a serious note, have you ridden with them before? If you have, did anything happen - an innocent remark misread? one horse kick at another? disagreement on travel speed?


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

Are you friends with these women? Actively hang out with them while you're at the barn? Are you new to this barn at all? Have you gone on trail with them before or do you typically stay in the arena? Sorry to be nosy just trying to get a little background. 

I wouldn't be hurt unless they were close friends of mine that I had expressed interest in joining on trai withl. I've boarded/worked at many places and it's no unwritten rule that I know of to invite anyone semi close to being ready to leave for a trail ride to tag along. 

If you'd like to go next time I would just be polite and ask them how the trails are and say you're always up for a ride out. I wouldn't invite yourself per say, but that's just me I don't like to force my presence on people if I don't have to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Obviously I wasn't there but from what you wrote it sounds like you may be overreacting. Are you sure they meant to slight you? Maybe they just wanted to go by themselves. You wouldn't want "well we had this great day planned, but there's this girl and she's nice, we should invite her... sigh... I guess we'll do that, we'll have to reschedule our fun day for some other time." They shouldn't feel obligated even if they have the best intentions.

Obviously this is out of context, but maybe you should just invite them to ride with you sometime? Build up a relationship.

If you think maybe they meant to slight you I'd simply ask how their trail ride was and say you'd love to go with them sometime.. extend the olive branch. If they keep on doing it I would ask them if they prefer riding by themselves or if they have some issue with you because you would like to go riding with them, but feel like they don't want you along.

So again, out of context, but just make sure you have the right impression and don't over react. Honestly I prefer to ride by myself and if I had a date with a friend, yeah I might probably invite you (aka whoever) to be nice, or because my friend said to, but I'd be more comfortable without you, I'm just an introverted person.. Now if someone invited me, to ride with them, I would be more interested and be thinking more about building a relationship and maybe having a new riding buddy instead of feeling put out about a change of plans. Guess I'm trying to say that some people may simply prefer to ride by themselves (or with their "usual group") then with someone else, and that it doesn't necessarily mean they don't like you, or even that they don't want to ride with you, maybe they didn't think of it. Who knows.

Sorry, I'm rambling. But I would put yourself out there as "hi, I want to be a friend, and definitely want to go riding with whoever's available" and again, invite people to ride with you. Don't be afraid to bridge the gap yourself, some people need that!

I'm off to bed and will check in and hopefully make more sense tomorrow


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

It's polite but definitely not necessary and they may not even of thought of it, or assumed you were riding there or something. Shrug


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

I rode down to a field with one of them about 3 months ago. At a walk. I always let someone else take the lead in whether they want to talk or not, if they want to run or not. If people tell me stuff I keep it to myself. And if I can't say something positive about their horse, or riding, I don't say anything at all. I just go with the flow most of the time.

I do think that one of them is really insecure, so she overcompensates for it by acting snooty sometimes. I think today was one of those times. Like "let me show you how important you are". Maybe it's pecking order, I watch my chickens establish that all the time, LOL

Maybe I'm just over reacting and let my feelings get hurt.


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

Yogiwick, I think I'll do what you suggested. I'll ask them if they had some issue with me riding with them, or just wanted to be alone. I think that will get things better. My biggest worry was having to face them tomorrow, and not have an idea of how to handle it.


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

Zeke said:


> Are you friends with these women? Actively hang out with them while you're at the barn? Are you new to this barn at all? Have you gone on trail with them before or do you typically stay in the arena? Sorry to be nosy just trying to get a little background.
> 
> I wouldn't be hurt unless they were close friends of mine that I had expressed interest in joining on trai withl. I've boarded/worked at many places and it's no unwritten rule that I know of to invite anyone semi close to being ready to leave for a trail ride to tag along.
> 
> ...


 
Right. I didn't want to invite myself. That's a good thing to say as well, that I am always up for a trail ride. 

I have to say that I'm friendly with them, but I'm the newbie, I've been there 5 months. Normally we don't ride at the same times, and this is the first time I've seen anyone but myself and another woman head for the trails. This other woman can't ride much because of her surgeries and problems. So I've not been able to get to the trails.


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## Chevaux (Jun 27, 2012)

I say don't give them any more of your thought and time. For me personally, I've only got so much head space and it's hard enough trying to keep the good stuff in without cluttering it up with matters I can't control and people who aren't interested.


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

I hate having to face people when I think something is wrong. When I share these feelings with my close friends they're always shocked because they didn't notice any issue. I guess what I'm trying to say is I am guilty of creating issues in my mind that don't always exist. I totally know the feeling of not wanting to confront people about it. 

It's just me but, I wouldn't ask if they have a problem with you outright. You're a newbie to the barn, maybe strike a conversation with these woman about their riding preferences. Like another poster I can be introverted and it would out a damper on my ride if someone tagged along that I didn't know well and it was a surprise to me. I'm a baby in that way, when I have my heart set on time with a good friend it takes me a little to adjust to a change in the people who will be there. 

Anyways, I would ask if they prefer trail, what's their favorite route, do they go to unwind and spend time with their horses or is it a social thing? I create the whole conversation lol but just have a good talk to them about going on trail and subtly mention that you like to ride but not alone and that if they wouldn't mind showing you their favorite trail you'd love to see it.
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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

princessfluffybritches said:


> I board at a place where it's all pasture board, about 20 horses. On the weekends the kids and their moms hang out there, and some ride. It's a pretty friendly group. I've been there since September. I get along with everyone and I'm not one to make waves
> 
> I was tacking up my horse at the same time these 2 other women were, then they got on their horses and left for the trail. They walked right passed me and left.
> 
> ...


I doubt if they were slighting you. More like, they've been there a long time, are familiar with the roads and trails and wouldn't think twice about going out alone. You, on the other hand, are less secure because you haven't made it out there yet and don't want to be alone the first time or 3. They, on the other hand, probably think you've gone out there all by yourself at some point during the 5 months you've been there. So, tomorrow, just be casual and friendly and explain that you're not secure about going out on trail by yourself yet, and would they mind if you came along, either today or someday in the future if today would upset their plans? That way you take the pressure off of them and keep the door open at the same time.


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## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

I don't see any issue with it. Next time ask if they would mind you joining when they go out. When I ride in the back I don't invite the whole barn to go with me, and sometimes two people just want some time together. Unless there's a reason they would be upset with you, then ghey probably weren't even thinking about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I think you're sounding a little entitled. You have no idea what their situation is. Maybe they didn't want you alone, maybe they just didn't think about it, maybe they were on a schedule and couldn't wait for you. They could have had something special planned. Even though you're all boarding in the same place, people aren't obligated to take you out on the trails if you're not comfortable going alone. 

A good boarder is paying your bill on time, being nice to the staff, etc. It's not about riding with the other boarders. I know plenty of people who would not invite along someone else on their ride - and they're not bad boarders.

If you don't feel comfortable riding alone, that may end up being a problem for your trail time. You should really try to make plans with people or make friends specifically to trail ride with and not just try to depend on someone else who just happens to be there to take you.

Just some tough love.


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## MyBoySi (Dec 1, 2011)

I personally don't see what the issue is. But then again I'm a private person and would rather ride alone or with a friend rather then someone who is practically a stranger and be forced to make small talk etc. 

Next time if your set on riding with them casually ask them if they have a minute to wait so you can tag along.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

princessfluffybritches said:


> I rode down to a field with one of them about 3 months ago. At a walk. I always let someone else take the lead in whether they want to talk or not, if they want to run or not. If people tell me stuff I keep it to myself. And if I can't say something positive about their horse, or riding, I don't say anything at all. I just go with the flow most of the time.
> 
> I do think that one of them is really insecure, so she overcompensates for it by acting snooty sometimes. I think today was one of those times. Like "let me show you how important you are". Maybe it's pecking order, I watch my chickens establish that all the time, LOL
> 
> Maybe I'm just over reacting and let my feelings get hurt.


Just don't take it personally if it wasn't meant to be, or if it's because the ladies insecure. It's their issue not yours


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

I appreciate all the advice. I think you all have made me realize I may be being too sensitive about things I shouldn't have gotten so sensitive about. If one or both are there, I will approach them and say I had been overly sensitive about it because I was so eager to be thought of as one of the girls. That I was worried that I might have caused them to not ask, or if they just wanted to ride together with eachother. You're all so right, even without saying it, I don't want there to be problems between them and me, it would make it harder going there. 

I will update.


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## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

princessfluffybritches said:


> I appreciate all the advice. I think you all have made me realize I may be being too sensitive about things I shouldn't have gotten so sensitive about. If one or both are there, I will approach them and say I had been overly sensitive about it because I was so eager to be thought of as one of the girls. That I was worried that I might have caused them to not ask, or if they just wanted to ride together with eachother. You're all so right, even without saying it, I don't want there to be problems between them and me, it would make it harder going there.
> 
> I will update.


How do you know that they think you're upset? I wouldn't drag the issue on if you don't have to- just be friendly and polite next time you see them out there. If you're tacking up together, then ask if they are going on a trail ride and if so, would they mind if you join? Unless you made a really poor impression on them that'll probably be less uncomfortable for everyone than just understanding that you overreacted and moving on.


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## SullysRider (Feb 11, 2012)

I think unless it was planned that y'all were riding together they did nothing wrong. They had no reason to wait on you and probably wanted to get going. If you were supposed to be riding with them it would be another story.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Sometimes it's easy to take things personally and you have to step back and make sure it's actually worth it. I wouldn't bother bringing it up, they probably don't even know you're upset. Just be friendly and mention you'd love to ride with them. I think Dreamcatcher had some great advice.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I'm in the same boat as pretty much everyone else...

To answer the title of the thread, there absolutely is barn etiquette. To me, that means paying my bills on time, being polite to everyone and being respectful of their horses and property, keeping my space clean and putting away things that I use or take out. That doesn't include inviting people to ride with me.

Honestly, I'm a bit on the introverted side and, if I had been one of those ladies, I probably wouldn't have invited the other rider unless both I and they were alone. I don't want to step on any toes, after all.

I agree--definitely invite them to go on a ride sometime. That, for me, would open the door and make it obvious that they'd like my company. And, the next time, I'd return the favor.


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

DuckDodgers, I had to address it because you know how barns go, When I got over there today, mr and ms BO, and my friend were all standing together, and they already knew . There's plenty of women there that actually have go run and tattle to the BO about everything. 

I approached the 2 riders who went out, and told them that I got all sensitive and worked up yesterday because they didn't ask. They said they didn't know I wanted to go and I should have said something. I agreed with them. So it was discussed very nicely and chatting later on. 

I appreciate you all here for being straight about what you think. It certainly helped me see things objectively.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Way to go. That's exactly what I felt happened and I think you handled it well by being honest but not in an accusing fashion. I think you must feel better and that you will all have a better relationship. (Don't know why everyone else knows though? I don't like that, don't need drama)

I have definitely been there. Glad to hear of the positive outcome.


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

Thanks, Yogiwick. Yes, I think better understanding was learned for the both of us. Better than having a wall put up.


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## verona1016 (Jul 3, 2011)

SullysRider said:


> I think unless it was planned that y'all were riding together they did nothing wrong. They had no reason to wait on you and probably wanted to get going. If you were supposed to be riding with them it would be another story.


This was my thought as well. If I see someone else tacking up their horse I assume they already have a plan for riding and that they'd speak up if curious about what I was doing and wanted to join in. 

Glad you got it straightened out, though! I'm a pretty quiet person myself and find it hard to break in to established groups of friends so I know how daunting it can feel sometimes!
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