# Ill save you from horror



## Timbah (Sep 4, 2014)

Chapter 2
Unfortunately the picture was just in black and white. My dad walked in "what you doing Layla?" I quickly turned off my laptop and answered back with nothing! He smirked and said "Layla I also seen the horse it was sad but I just came here to tell you me and ur mother are going to the rodeo do you want to come or stay at ur grandmothers? " THE RODEO IS SICK!!! I'm defiantly going to my grandmothers! He nodded and walked off I slowly opened my laptop back up and saved the picture to my camera roll. 
-2 hours later-
My father walked back in he said "Layla I'm sorry but ur grandmother is going to be at a funeral you have to come with us" I sighed and nodded this is ridiculous I thought 
The day finally came....


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## Timbah (Sep 4, 2014)

Chapter 3
I walked in I felt so sick. We had a front seat when I herd "Welcome to the rodeo 2014! First off we have Liam Karn riding I dare you" the horse was a bay TB the horse looked to be 14 hands and was quite plump but had a lot of injuries. Poor thing. Liam Karn stayed on him for 4 seconds before falling. I tried to go to sleep because it was so horrible to watch when something caught my attention "Micheal Leonard riding Skin n Bones" I looked up it was the horse I seen!!! He was just skin and bones with a huge saddle on him with an over weight rider! "This is Skin and bones a palomino stallion his breed is unknown" I wanted to cry. The horse stood there when the gates opened for him to buck when I seen another guy poke him with an electric stick! How horrible! The horse went to buck but couldn't hold the weight and fell....


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## Timbah (Sep 4, 2014)

Opinions?


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## faiza425 (Dec 21, 2012)

The storyline itself is good. 
What you really should work on is your grammar, structure, punctuation, and spelling. The 'flow' of the story is broken without new paragraphs when a new subject or speaker is introduced and it makes the story hard to read.
Don't use lazy writing like 'ur' for your, and check your spelling. Proper sentences are important. Instead of "I looked up it was the horse I seen!!!" try "I looked up, and it was the horse I had seen!"


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