# Men in Horse Riding



## Brithorse1996 (May 25, 2010)

At my riding school one of the leaders is a man and he is in his early 20's, he has his own horse, competes, and knows what he's doing and is really cool. At my old riding school there were 2 boys that rode there, and at my school one boy had a horse but when he moved here from majorca he had to sell it, and I think he was just to upset to take riding up again (I've tried to pursade him) and another boy in my year used to ride until he was like 8. He moved from his home country to here and stopped though. Another of my friends has a sister who owns a horse, and another sister who owns a pony, but he dislikes horses becuase he was forced to help look after them.

I've told some of my guy friends that I ride, and to be honest I get less hassle from them then I do from loads of my girl friends. They are quite impressed actually =P.

I think it might be just peer pressure at my age that stops boys, and then they just loose interest


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## Brithorse1996 (May 25, 2010)

^^ sorry for my lack of commas and full stops


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

I have come to the personal opinion that the role of a horse in many owner riders mind, is as a recipient for affection. Many of we humans needs to feel needed and, after a dog or a cat, the horse is an obvious focul point for our affection and the associated emotions. Note that I am not saying that horses feels emotion towards their humans but they do express familiarity and show a tolerance towards a human who cares for them. 

In deprived inner city areas you will often see a young man leading round a dog - usually a staffie or a rottie - on a lead rope. The affection towards the dog is mostly genuine. I suspect those same young men would warm towards a horse, if only they had the opportunity and the money to learn to ride.


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

Barry Godden said:


> In deprived inner city areas you will often see a young man leading round a dog - usually a staffie or a rottie - on a lead rope. The affection towards the dog is mostly genuine. I suspect those same young men would warm towards a horse, if only they had the opportunity and the money to learn to ride.


Barry, when my old bones are up to a little jog around the neighborhood, I always take a mare along with me. I'm sure it provides a tremendous amount of amusement for people to see a man jogging down the road with a horse on a lead (instead of a dog)  As an aside, I do very little ground work with our mares and this is a good reinforcement exercise to keep them working off your shoulder, matching your route and pace (especially after I reach 1/4 mile, start slowing down, and they're all warmed up and ready to pick it up).


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

PHM Well done. If your old bones are still up to jogging - with or without the mare - then they ain't old bones - yet. 

PS It is not the bones that give out first - it is the lungs. Nowadays if I move faster than a walk, people think that a steam train is coming.


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

Barry Godden said:


> PS It is not the bones that give out first - it is the lungs. Nowadays if I move faster than a walk, people think that a steam train is coming.


Indeed...I know the feeling.


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## WickedNag (Sep 7, 2010)

I think a lot depends on where you are. Here I see just as many men riding as women but more women in the show ring. Male riders in my area are riding using horses and using them


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

I often wonder the same thing. Although here in the States, many men compete in events such as roping, penning and bronco/bull riding. Barrel racing seems to be dominated by women.

In Australia (where I grew up) we don't have such a variety of events at a top level, English style disciplines are more common (eventing, jumping, dressage etc) it never ceased to amaze me that you would rarely see men in the lower levels yet we had fantastic upper level male riders. No idea where they all come from, there must be some secret equestrian brotherhood that they all train at and are released just in time to qualify for the Olympics.

Seems to me that there are stereotypes associated with the sport - girls do dressage, boys ride broncos. Not that extreme of course and yes, there are exceptions to every rule. On the whole though, there is definately a trend.


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## xXEventerXx (Nov 27, 2010)

funny how there arent alot of male riders, but there seem to be more pro male riders than female... I used to ride with a few male riders in cyprus and they didnt ride as long as some as the girls did and they were better riders.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

As a male involved in a horsey lifestyle, the other day I watched the two women currently prominent in my horse life deal with a disobedient gelding. Presently he is one of four horses at the stable yard and he is the most neglected for a variety of reasons. Whenever the other three horses are put out or brought in, you have to be careful or otherwise he’ll trash his paddock or stable. He throws himself about in a paddy. He wants to be played with like the other horses and too often he has been left behind on his own, Yesterday he had a little strop whilst being prepared for lunging by the two women and undoubtedly he got above himself. 

I stood back and watched. Both ladies had decided he needed to be taught a lesson. So out came the lunging whip and round and round the arena he was forced to go until he was quite steamed up. He is not my horse but if he were mine I would treat him differently

Eventually, the ladies decided the gelding had been put back in his place. I went over and collected him. I calmed him down, gave him a stroke and talked with him for a couple of minutes . Finally I led him back into the stable yard to be untacked. Yes, he muzzle nudged me on the way but it was his way of being friendly. I shoved him back. In a quaint sort of way I quite like him He asks for a stroke just like my dog does, indeed the horse reminds of a bull terrier I once owned. I gave the horse a good grooming and smuggled to him, out of sight of the ladies, a couple of biscuits. I dressed him up for the cold weather and led him back out into his paddock alongside the other horses. By this time he was calm again. Of course the ladies said I was being too soft on him. 

The sad thing is, that at this stage of my life, I personally don’t know another female that feels the same way towards horses that I do. When driving home I thought back over my life with horses and asked myself which women approached their horse(s) the same was as I try to do. Not one woman came to mind. However four men from my past I am sure would have done exactly the same in the circumstances as I had done.

We men think differently about things, as most of you ladies already know. It is a brave man who signs up to enter the female dominated horse world to be found in the English style world of riding.

A lot of men think the idea to be too daunting.


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## Brighteyes (Mar 8, 2009)

> In Australia (where I grew up) we don't have such a variety of events at a top level, English style disciplines are more common (eventing, jumping, dressage etc) it never ceased to amaze me that you would rarely see men in the lower levels yet we had fantastic upper level male riders. No idea where they all come from, there must be some secret equestrian brotherhood that they all train at and are released just in time to qualify for the Olympics.


I think you're on to something. :lol: 

I've asked the same question...


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

Barry I hope that if you ever come to the US that you will let me know so I can have a horse ready for you. I know exactly how you feel.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Kevin
This Forum gives us the opportunity to make contact with riders living around the world. We can feel through the words which have been written about various subjects to do with horses that athough we come from different backgrounds we largely follow each others way of thinking about how to best handle horses.
It would be nice to think we could meet each other, sit down, take a glass of beer and chat. Of course a few hours together would not be enough time.

Years ago I used to visit the US - mainly San Antonio or Miami to attend annual conferences. We would spend four days getting to know even better the guys in the world wide Petrochemical industry whom until then had only been names on a letter or signatories of a fax. A few of those names became life long friends.

I wonder if ever this forum will think of organising a conference.

In the meantime I thank you for your offer. It would be nice to think that one day I could take it up but sadly these days I am not sure these days if I could survive the flights. 

Barry


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## ponyboy (Jul 24, 2008)

xXEventerXx said:


> funny how there arent alot of male riders, but there seem to be more pro male riders than female...


When I was a kid, I remember reading a book called _The Only Boy in the Ring_ that had an explanation for this. For males horseback riding is considered to be sissy. Since they often get picked on for doing it, only the boys who are really serious about it - and perhaps stubborn/competitive by nature as well - stick with it. On the other hand, for girls horseback riding is considered to be a status symbol, and so some girls do it just to be cool. Those girls inevitably drop it when the going gets tough. As a result you see many more girls than boys at lower levels, and the higher you go the more it evens out.


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## xXEventerXx (Nov 27, 2010)

ponyboy said:


> When I was a kid, I remember reading a book called _The Only Boy in the Ring_ that had an explanation for this. For males horseback riding is considered to be sissy. Since they often get picked on for doing it, only the boys who are really serious about it - and perhaps stubborn/competitive by nature as well - stick with it. On the other hand, for girls horseback riding is considered to be a status symbol, and so some girls do it just to be cool. Those girls inevitably drop it when the going gets tough. As a result you see many more girls than boys at lower levels, and the higher you go the more it evens out.


 
thats true i know lots of girls in calgary who ride and their parents make them do it because their rich and its a status thing for them


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## PumpkinzMyBaby22 (Jul 5, 2009)

Brighteyes said:


> I think you're on to something. :lol:
> 
> I've asked the same question...


Yes. It does make you wonder where all of these top male riders are coming from...


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## rum4 (Feb 28, 2010)

Well Kevin, Barry and anyone else on here if you are ever coming to the area of Columbia, SC let me know and I will have a horse (gaited)for you to ride and we will put some water in the soup after the ride. I have been riding for the past 4 years and love it. i mainly trail ride but I also am involved in Mounted Search and Rescue and with the SCSG Caissons. My wife and both sons ride, we camp, day ride and ride at the house....


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Well Rum, that's mighty nice of you. I'll put your name in my little black book.

Barry


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## PoohLP (Jan 15, 2009)

Barry Godden said:


> The sad thing is, that at this stage of my life, I personally don’t know another female that feels the same way towards horses that I do. When driving home I thought back over my life with horses and asked myself which women approached their horse(s) the same was as I try to do. Not one woman came to mind. However four men from my past I am sure would have done exactly the same in the circumstances as I had done.


I'm not sure what you are implying here? THat women are prone to just trying to dominate their horses aor that women don't form bonds of affection with their horses or use gentle touch as well as discipline to get a horse under control? Both are ridiculous. I have seen men that are just as intent on trying to bend a horse to their will through force as some women are, and I know many women who use kindness, mixed with an appropriate discipline when necessary, to get a difficult horse back in line. No, you can't let a rank horse walk all over you, one or both of you will get hurt. But for every woman and any man I respect as a horse person, discipline is being consistent and firm about what you are asking and giving generous rewards and praise when they do it, or even just make strides towards doing it, not about wailing on a horse with a whip or scaring it into a frenzy when it is already high as a kite. 

I think men are more likely to get into the sport through their families, whether as a child or through a significant other when they are older. The ones that come from horse families or at least horse friendly families as children often experience horses as a way of life, so it makes sense that they would be more likely to stay in the sport and move up the levels. Although there are girls who come in by way of horsey families, the "girly" attraction of horses means that way more girls are come to the sport by way of non-horsey families who don't neccessarily support the idea of horses as a way of life, and therefore are less likely to have the familial support, both monetary and spiritual, to make the difficult climb up the levels, or they fulfill a childhood dream by entering the sport as a adults, thereby missing out on the years of learning while their bodies are made out of rubber and nothing is scary. Hence you see lots of little girls and just a few boys at the lower levels, a lot of adult women and few male amateurs, and then a more equal number of men and women at the highest levels.


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## Katesrider011 (Oct 29, 2010)

I don't have much to say. But Great thread Barry, I've enjoyed reading this.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I think he's saying that men and women approach horses differently. I can't argue with that at all. I train horses for a lot of different people from all different backgrounds but each gender seems to have problems in common with others of the same gender. Most notably, many more women have pushy horses than men do. Most men however let problems develop far longer before they seek help.


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

Quoting this from Barry's post: In return I have admired a lot of horses when I have not noticed the female owner even when sometimes she was sitting on the horse. 

I had to laugh out loud. I'm guilty of doing the same thing RE men riders, especially if they were riding a great horse. Could describe the horse and remember its name and history later, but had no recall whatsoever about the guy. So, maybe fellas trying to meet lady equestrians should carefully consider whether the horse they ride will keep them from being noticed at all!


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Pooh, I am not implying anything - I am merely saying in a roundabout way, that I wish there were more men in the sport. Unfortunately as a lifelong horse lover, I have been unable to introduce many men to riding and not for the want of trying. 

I have been lucky enough in my life to discover the friendship of four superb horsemasters in the male company of whom I have enjoyed the horses I have been privileged to know. 

On our small select stable yard in Britain there are four keen horse women (including my wife) and me. The five horses are unquestionably well looked after, which is what counts. 

But I readily confess that I miss the companionship of those male friends down on the yard.


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

I think I understood, my response was poorly worded so that it sounded as if I were implying you personally were seeking to be noticed by ladies - not my intention, I apologize. I should have made it more clear that I was just really amused by the idea that some men might not realize that some ladies like myself are much more interested in the horses than the men!

I agree with you about companionship. Even though I'm a woman and thus one of the gender majority in this sport, it's been hard to find ladies with similar temperament and riding goals with whom to share pleasant time with horses. I've had two such ladies in my life, both of whom were important influences on my horsemanship. Fortunately, in the last 3 years, my husband has finally found a horse of his own that he is comfortable with on trails and off property, so when weather and health permit, we enjoy shared time with the horses. 

This is an interesting thread - I hadn't considered the issue before. There are a lot of men riders in my part of the US but I can't think of any male riders of my acquaintance whose equine sport is something besides one of the cattle-oriented sports such as team penning, sorting, cutting cattle, roping or reining.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

Men are often goal oriented, so riding for the sake of riding doesn't do much for them. I probably took up riding a couple of years ago because I grew up watching westerns, but I've kept riding because I like learning about horses & how to train them.

However, I'm a retired military officer. If I was still putting in 12+ hr days and deploying 5-6 months each year, I wouldn't ride horses.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Incidentally - regarding my four personal male horsemasters:
* 
DP*, was a world renowned stuntman, an ex professional boxer and a life long horseman , trained by his father who owned one of the last commercial livery yards in London. As a bruiser he could be frightening but watch him with a disturbed horse and then witness his magical touch. He had performed in numerous films and TV productions but it is his work as stunt horsemaster for which he will always be remembered. His eye for a horse’s movement is exceptional. In him, I have had my own personal Monty Roberts.

*KR *moved over to England at the beginning of World War 2 to fight Hitler. He had been a professional rodeo rider in Canada, but he never went home after the war. He created and ran a Western Riding Club down in plush leafy Surrey. Much later when I first read the writings of Tom Dorrance I realised that I could have been reading the words of my own bow legged Canuck cowboy. KR taught me to ride and handle horses the Western way.

*LL* was the charismatic son of an English aristocrat who had taught officers to ride at Weedon the old British Army riding school. He’d spent much of his later life watching, riding and training horses in the classical way of Portugal. He had a winning smile which he used on both horses and, I suspect, the females in his life. One week with him riding his Lusitano stallions brought home to me just how fascinating horses can be. His eye, his way of teaching, his relationship with horses was exceptional. His death was a loss to the equestrian world.
His wife carries on with his teaching but for me she lacks his touch. 
* 
PT* was born into a horsey family and ran the family’s unique trail riding centre. When not chaperoning riders up in the mountains, his hobby was team chasing - British style - that is indeed a rough way of racing. He brought me, by then an older man, back into fast and furious riding over uneven moorland terrain and introduced me to a fast sure footed Welsh/Hannoverian cob. When one day I was privileged to ride his personal team chaser, the half brother of my own regular mount, I peeked into a whole new world of horse riding. If I was judged competent by him to ride his equine racing machine then I was competent to ride a spirited horse. It was a lot of fun being around the guy. The cob which I rode so often with him has proved to be irreplaceable in my life with horses.


Each of these four horsemasters, to whom horses were the stuff of life itself, taught me something different in their own individual ways. Whenever I was stumped by a behavioural problem, invariably one of them would come up with an answer which usually worked. And all four of them were a lot of fun to ride out with. 

Over the course of years, I will never deny I have learned a lot about horses from experienced lady riders but if ever I were to write my equestrian CV, those four guys would certainly be on it.


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

Barry, if you ever write a book I can promise you will sell at least one copy.


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## Katesrider011 (Oct 29, 2010)

^^Make that two copies.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Kevin and Kate - that's nice of you to say. Thank you.

The book is written as 52500 words about my old horse Joe - but working out just how to get it printed remains a puzzle. The best bet at the moment is through Amazon's Kindle e-book system but we shall see.

The writing was easy enough but reaching publication is another deal altogether.

Barry


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

Keep us informed!


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

*Women think differently*

My ageing terrier ***** sits at my feet as I write this article - if I move so does she. My Rottweiler has had his breakfast, his milk and his walk. Now he is back on his bed waiting to see if I am going out in which case he’ll be at the back door before I am. The house is quiet. My wife has gone over to see to the horse which will take out almost four hours of her day.

In theory the horse is mine but my wife gets on better with her than I do. I chose the mare when my stubborn gelding Joe was passed on, but she doesn’t want to do what I bought her for. The mare is a sports horse and has little aptitude for hacking about. She wants to work out in a flat, calm, quiet, rectangular arena - learning new tricks. Out in the country lanes there are bogeymen and she wants to go ‘OO’ every home a bird flies up from the hedgerows. Then she’ll spook and jump three feet sideways just to make sure I am awake. 
She gets bored unless she is learning something new.

And ‘No‘, for sure I can’t tie her up whilst I go into a pub for a glass of wine. 
But the big problem I have suddenly realised is that she doesn’t like to be ridden the way I ride her. She doesn’t want her head - she prefers to be ridden ‘collected’ and ‘on the bit’. And I mustn’t wiggle about. And when I get tense, because I am expecting the silly ***** to spook yet again, she picks up on my tension and asks what is the fuss all about. Mind you, she can have her moods because her hormones are playing up or even just because she feels slighted. If she doesn’t get her daily ration of exercise either under saddle or on the lunge line she’ll be difficult and throw a hissy fit. 
Oh my, can she play up when she wants to.


So the end result has been that I have found her a young female riding partner who has the ability not only to ride her in the arena down at the stable yard but also in competition. And the more rosettes the mare earns, the further she drifts off from me. But there is some pleasure for me in being an owner, especially a winning owner of a beautiful horse. As a dapple grey mare with a pretty head and compact conformation who can prance, she looks magnificent. I could enter her for Playboy any day. 
It is the age old syndrome, an old man with a young filly.

I have never owned a sports horse before, but there again, I have never owned a mare before. Whenever we have gone off for competition I have prepared her for the day and loaded her up into the wagon. When we have arrived at the venue I have brought her out of the horse box and shown her around. Then her young clever rider has mounted up and has done the business in the arena. When she has performed, then I have taken her back and it is me that has untacked her, given her a brush down, thrown a blanket over her and given her some treats. I am, after all, the soft touch. She knows it. 
I don’t shout at her. I rarely raise my voice. I don’t hold grudges against her. I do use my strength against her but when I do she knows there is a reason. And I have never ever carried a whip when near her because the tone of my voice is enough to convey my message. 
And on a couple of occasions, when things have gone seriously wrong, I have had very good reason to accept that she never wants to hurt me.

But I can’t say that the mare replaces in my life my gelding. He was difficult and very strong. Again he never tried to hurt me but he would do all those things that stubborn, crafty, bolshie cobs will do when they want their own way. I did use a crop on him because at times it was the only way to get him to listen but it was always ‘man to gelding’ stuff. There were no long held grudges. He would shove me, I’d shove him. He would disobey, I’d react. He knew he was pushing his luck and he’d expect me to react - and if I didn’t, then he would try to walk all over me. But when we were at the top of a ridge looking down a crumbling pathway knowing that we were going to slide down the trail rather than walk down, then I knew I was in safe hands on My Boy. We could walk at trucks and cars. We could lead a line of horses and keep them in order. And in a race through the woods with a mate, my Boy would cheat to stay in front.

Of course I had to convince him that goats weren’t of the tribe of the Devil and that donkeys weren’t the descendants of lions for then he needed me for protection. On the whole we had a deal: I fed him and let him have some of his own way, he’d behave and does his best for most of the time. But don’t expect perfection.
My wife at the end would not ride him. 

The interesting thing was that he would from time to time allow himself to be cuddled. He’d watch to make sure that when I first arrived on the yard I said ‘hello’ to him rather than any other horse. He could be obstinate and hold back but I did have to approach him and if necessary walk right across the field to put his halter on. But then he’d come easy enough. I guessed it was his way of showing the other horses in the field that he had his master taped or it could be simply because I was late or out of routine. 
My wife would not play these games with him. She simply didn’t understand.

So back to the present. The mare needs a different home and soon I’ll have to find her one. She is a woman’s horse. She doesn’t like getting dirty. If she had a mirror in her stable she’d always be looking at herself in it. She won’t be groomed with fly spray unless she likes the perfume. She nags if she feels the routine has changed. She simply loves routine. And she is aloof, almost snooty. I suppose that is what makes her so competitive, she thinks herself to be the best. Geldings she looks down on; mares she competes with. Her rider should wear white breeches, a white stock and white leather gloves. And the tack must shine.

A new owner will have to be a woman who has an interest in dressage. She will have to be knowledgeable and patient; a woman who will ride a fast, sharp, intelligent horse on the mildest of bits, without carrying a whip. The new owner should be up to Novice standard in dressage and follow the tenets of Natural Horsemanship. She‘ll preferably have her own land and keep her horses in at night. And when eventually this sainted buyer comes to call, at some stage she’ll sit on my mare and I’ll know instantly if they match. I’ll see it in the way my mare carries the woman and I’ll watch to see if the horse wants to put the human to the test.

I‘ll not sell the mare on to another man - men think differently. 

If I were to get another horse and I don’t think I am going to take on responsibility for an animal which could easily live longer than me, then it will be something placid. Maybe a stocky Dales or even an old fashioned Friesian, but certainly a gelding with some miles on the clock. Something hairy with a touch of cart horse in its blood. I want it to be self confident and easy to please. I’ll do it his way - sometimes. Somehow we’ll find a compromise. If he’ll stand and wait, then I’ll take him along. If we reach a dodgy bit of terrain, I’ll let him do it his way, cause that’s what I will keep him for. In my pocket there will always be a handful of treats and when we go to the pub I’ll bring out to him a packet of potato crisps, cause horses like them, especially the beef flavoured ones. 

I might even buy him a Western saddle - that would put the cat amongst the pigeons in the snooty county of Gloucestershire just around the corner from where the Berkeley hunts and titled ladies keep their horses. 

But mares - no, they are too tricky for an old man to handle at his stage of life. 
Ah, perchance to dream.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

Aye, but I have known plenty of brave, rock-solid mares who will get you down the dodgiest of trails alive and plenty of neurotic prima donna geldings and stallions.


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## PoohLP (Jan 15, 2009)

thesilverspear said:


> Aye, but I have known plenty of brave, rock-solid mares who will get you down the dodgiest of trails alive and plenty of neurotic prima donna geldings and stallions.


And I've known plenty of women who could ride anything you put in front of them, but don't want anything to do with a touchy prima donna alpha mare.

I really think you have it all wrong Barry. Your approach to horses is not a "male" thing and the women's approaches that you have observed is not a "female" thing. They are quirks of the people you have known and their own proclivities and training. I like riding nearly every type of horse, but really get a thrill out of the difficult horses, especially those stereotypical tricky mares, precisely because working with them is a two-way conversation, one that requires building a bond based on trust and affection and generous love. It comes as much from spending the time on the ground loving them as it does from working them in the saddle. Simply telling them, do x, doesn't work. A pop with the whip makes them angry rather than compliant. I know other women who only like the stereotypical teddy bear geldings who, once they know what you want, do what they're told and if they don't, a pop with the whip makes them do it. Our diametric preferences in horse temperment obviously don't come from our ovaries, they come from our personal temperaments.

Likewise, I know women and girls who see their horses as their friends and family members, those who see them as a tool that can get them somewhere and some who see them as a little of both. I know males who are incredible riders and trainers for whom a horse is a horse - no special bond, just get the job done, and have known others who bonded closely with their animals. On the other end, there countless examples of disgusting and exploitative male and female horse traders and trainers who beat and mistreat and neglect their horses. It is how you are raised and trained to have a relationship with animals and later with horses, that defines wheter you will treat them like a friend, a tool or a commodity and this, along with the training you receive, will to a large extent affect your training methods. Sex has nothing to do with it. 

Your mare didn't not work out for you not because she is a mare and you are a male, she didn't work out for you because she is unsuitable for your skill set and interests. You made a bad buy for you. Would I be right in thinking your wife talked you into it or fell in love with her flash so ignored her temperament or got her to help out a friend that was selling her? But there are plenty of men who would love to ride a fiery, clever mare that loves the show ring just as there are probably even more women for whom she would be an abominable match. That doesn't mean, however, that a clever, dead quite, trail broke quarter horse mare wouldn't be an incredible match for you any more than it means a super-sensitive, irascible draft-x gelding would be. You have to abandon your preconceptions so you can find the right match.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

That's a great post. 

Science (I hate it when people say "science" like it's this huge monolithic entity, but it makes the sentence work better) waffles endlessly over the effects of hormones or brain chemistry on human behaviour, trying to find evidence that males behave in one way because of something inherit in the male brain/body, and females behave in another way because of something inherit in the female brain/body. Research, for the most part, has not been able to significantly untangle physiology from socialization. 

The point is, I agree that you don't interact with horses the way you do because you're a bloke. You do it because of how you are, how you were brought up, and a zillion other variables which affect your personality and your views towards horses. The same is true of your mare. She doesn't behave the way she does *because* she's a mare. She does it because that's just how she is due to her experiences, etc.


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

I don't have an opinion about men versus women, mares versus geldings but the relationship with your gelding that inspired you to write this lovely description of Your Boy is one that I dream of. I have a 12 year old trail mare (Tennessee Walking Horse) that I'm still bonding with, and a 5 year old gelding that I raised from a foal who would do anything for me (except, as in your case, face the donkeys instead of peering over my shoulder from behind). I would feel honored to gain that type of relationship. 

Thank you for your post..what a tribute.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Pooh,
I don't disagree with you that I made the wrong choice of horse in my mare but my wife can't be blamed even though she was there at the time when I chose to take the mare home. I bought the mare because she seemed to fit the job specification in so many ways. Her temperament is divine, she is good looking, she moves well and she has that 'je ne sais quoi' which gives her the sparkle to perform well and win in the arena. The biggest problem I had to face in her, but I did not know it at the time, was in the left overs from a very bad fall from my cob which had left me with tension issues. The mare sensed my tensions and that brought out her own skittishness. I persevered with her for almost twelve months but during that time I came off several times and for no good reasons.

The young woman who rides her now in dressage has the 'feel' for her but on some days the horse is almost unsafe to ride. Certainly she is unsuitable to ride the busy lanes around where she is stabled. You can tell it is a bad day from the moment you bring her in - there is a mood in her and she is like a bomb about to explode. She is looking about her, her held is held high, she is sniffing, she's rigid and she's not listening. Until the mood has abated, it’s best to let her be. If she has to be worked then the only way we have found to cope is to push her hard in the arena on the lunge before attempting to put a saddle on her. I have no idea what causes her moods but when in this mood, she may come off the ground off all four feet and fly three feet sideways before the rider has a hint of something is about to happen.

We took her out for a competition just before Xmas. That morning she had had one of her hissy fits. We worked her hard for an hour before setting off, and then she was down the queue in the class which meant a fair time waiting to perform; so around the warm up arena she went, time after time. She won both of her classes with scores of 70% and 73.3%. The spraunciness she needed to look good before the judge, came along with the mood she was in.

The young woman rider just laughs, but I can’t cope with it. I don’t have a passion for dressage nor a tolerance for hissy fits. The mare seems to look forward to her sessions in the arena going round and round in circles.
But if I put up in the arena an obstacle course with two dustbins for her to knock over then she’ll freak out from ten feet away. If I ask her to ride over a sheet of plastic, you’d think the plastic was a flying carpet. It is more important to me that I can trust the horse to carry me in times of stress. I want to feel able to squeeze between the hedgerow and the oncoming truck. I want to drop the rein and for the horse to stand by whilst I gossip to a neighbour. I want the horse to kick out at the barking dog and not for the horse to bolt down the lane at the sight of a dog‘s nose poking through the railings. 

Of course it is all a temperament thing. Man and mare are unsuited and she doesn’t give me what I seek from a horse. But to be fair to her, I don’t give her what she wants either. She’ll tolerate me on her back but I was not trained to ride her in the modern neo-classical way. She’ll pick up my cues but when I give her some length of rein, she’ll drop her neck for a stretch and then expect me to take it up again. She actually wants to ride on shortened reins in an outline and all the time. When the young woman rides her in the canter in an outline, I have to admit the pair look good. But looks aren’t everything and a horse’s role in life is to carry its rider safely. The mare and her rider could do well in competition this year but it will be nothing to do with me watching from the side, other than that I have recognised and accepted our mutual incompatibility.


Strangely at the yard, there is this common little cob with a shiny black coat and a little feather. There’s an irregular shaped white blaze on his face. He is a little devil really. When he feels like it, he’ll drop a shoulder and give a little buck. And his trot is short, and choppy like that of a pony. He’s uncomfortable to ride. He can be lazy and needs to be tapped from time to time. You fight him to take the bit in his mouth. If you ask him to do something he doesn’t want to, then there is always a tussle. But he always wants to come out and play. Indeed if his female owner neglects him for too long, I feel sorry for him and play with him myself. The end result is that if he sees me coming from a distance, there is always a little whinny and he runs off to the gate of his field. I feel real mean if I pass by and leave him standing there. I’d never have bought this little chap (he is about 15 hands) but I have to admit to myself, that I prefer him to my own mare. She’s aloof and must be asked whereas this little chap is raring to play, any day any time, but only so long as the games we shall play give him a chance to score.

Perhaps that’s it. My own horse doesn’t really need me, but the little gelding does. She will wind up in a competition yard and eventually they will put her to foal. She’d make a good match with a Lusitano stallion. Her dapple grey coat and her good looks will see her by in this life whereas the little gelding will wind up neglected in a grassy field - if he’s lucky. 

I suppose the writing is on the wall. I have stopped seeking a cure, I am now looking for a solution. Some day in the not too distant future, the mare and I will get a divorce.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

So why not sell the mare to a rider more suited to her and buy yourself a middle aged cobby thing, draft cross, Highland, or whatever, who will be a sensible, solid trail horse? 

I find there's not much point in keeping a horse you don't get on with. Some horses and some people just don't click. Horses are EXPENSIVE and if all the training in the world (if you even want to try that) isn't going to improve your relationship, then isn't it better to have a horse who you can enjoy?


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Silver
It is not the time to put a horse on the market when down South they are being given away. She's not a ride for anyone but a very competent rider.

One day after a competition someone will come up and say what a lovely horse she is and that they want to buy her. And if when I watch the suitor handle her and ride her, it seems to me that they are compatible and could become a pair, then I'll pass her on. Price will not be the main issue. 

Caviar is an acquired taste, as is the wine to go with it and so is the mare with my name on her tag. Until then, as long as the money lasts and my wife agrees to ride her then she can stay where she is. 

She's got two capable female riders to argue with and she is safe there for the time being.


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## gottatrot (Jan 9, 2011)

I can understand the bias toward either a mare or gelding, since I've always had a deeper bond with mares. It is almost indefinable, but I prefer a male dog and a female horse. To me a female dog can have a sweet personality, but good male is golden down to his core. And while geldings can be sensitive, they just are never as..._silly_ as a mare. For some reason my female-ness relates directly and deeply to the female-ness of my mares. Their moods can change with the wind. Geldings are goofy and grumble about things, but mares need a special kind of empathy and understanding. Your sensitive mare you describe is a variation of the personality I love. There is no point trying to dominate a mare like this, as you say. All the "let your horse know who is boss" theories can go out the window. They KNOW they can kill you in a heartbeat. You can't buffalo them like a gelding. Yet within all their power they have their own fears and fragilities. You must treat them respectfully for them to trust you. They will do what you ask, but only if you are 100% confident. If your little toe is hesitant about going over a jump, they will lose trust that you can get them safely to the other side. They will always react to sudden changes in their environment for as long as they live, even if you try to expose them to every possible contraption or piece of plastic known to man, or ride them daily past the gates of hell. If you don't talk to them regularly while you ride or communicate through the bit they lose confidence in your leadership. Go ahead, shank them if they don't stand still, smack them, beat them, but it will only make their minds shut down and then they'll do things you _really_ won't like. If you want to work with them you have to accept that sometimes they will find a calm demeanor impossible and realize that movement is what soothes their soul. One day you will be able to stop them from a gallop with a touch on a mild snaffle, and the next there will be no bit on earth that could stop them. So you might as well just ride in the snaffle. Why does this attract me to them? I don't know exactly. It is amusing to see my mares avoid a puddle as a prissy girl would, "It might ruin my nails." Every day is different and I think as a female I can feel that way too. Moods change. A certain type of reactive, sensitive mare is to me the most beautiful, brilliant horse there is. I find the way they think is fascinating and hilarious. 
One day when I was galloping on the beach, my mare felt safest following directly behind another horse. The sand was flying up in our face, and even with my head down it stung my eyes, so I closed them. I squinted at my horse and noticed she was galloping with her eyes closed too!
Another day I was in my mare's stall when someone turned the horses loose to run into the barn. It was dinner time and there was a full pan of grain in the stall. I wasn't ready for them to come in, so I stood in the doorway and waved my arms to shoo my mare away. My mare would never intentionally hurt anyone. She looked over my shoulder at the pan of grain, closed her eyes, put her head to the side and ran over the top of me. It was like she was pretending I wasn't there. She sure was surprised when she opened her eyes and saw me knocked down on the ground. Pure silliness. I laughed my head off.
So find the gelding you love, spend time with horses that fulfill you. There will be some woman who will think your mare is wonderful, and she will probably ride her down the road the way I would, laughing about which things make her spook and leap to the side, and accepting that falling off once in awhile is a way to have a good story to tell to friends.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

She's super-cute and very well put together. If I was in the market for (a) a horse full stop and (b) one that was already backed, I'd consider her.  Her personality sounds a bit like my mare when my mare was younger and sillier. LOL. I'll have to content myself with ogling.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Silver - says she's "super cute" - hmmm - she's an Irish madame, a huzzy who knows pretty much what he wants out of life and is crafty enough to get it . She turns heads wherever she goes.

I'll call her 'cute' and she how she reacts. 

B G


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

I doubt she'll mind. "Cute" is what I call any horse I think is pretty.


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## phoenix (Jun 7, 2010)

Your mare is very good looking; i'm glad she's got people she can spar with and that someone is for now getting a good ride out of her.

It's funny, when i lived in the uk we had at one time 5 or 6 male riders in our riding club at the university. two were incredibly talented and the others we in my novice class. We managed to convince a guy friend to come and give riding a try and he loved it, stayed with it for the two years i was at school with him. i'm not sure if he still rides now, i hope so.

Now i'm in the US i haven't come across a male rider at any of the barn i've been at. I'm not really out west in cattle country and i have seen riders at the fairs and such riding western, but none who ride english. It's a shame really to be in a female dominated barn, sometime i think a male perspective might be refreshing.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

If I lived in the US - as once I nearly did in both Nth Carolina and Houston, then I as a male would have chosen to ride Western. I did ride a couple of times down in Texas and also a couple of times over in California but always Western.
We have one or two Western riding groups over here, but they all seem to be interested in showing. That's definitely not my scene. 

But there are a couple of trail riding centres who explore the hills of South Wales. They ride cobs, tacked up English, almost in a Western style on a loose rein, one handed and with shortened stirrups so they can transfer weight down onto the stirrup irons. Men often visit both centres. If a competent group of men get together for a weekend it can be a lot of fun but a bit 'hairy'. If there are no men in the group, then it is a much more sedate. 

Up in the Welsh valleys, where the coal mines used to be, men ride with an unusual seat. In the summer they hold rodeos - bareback riding - no reins & no saddle just a handful of mane. Lethal. The English, would never allow it - except perhaps down by the Cornish moors. 

In England the hunt prevails despite the opposition. A lot of male farmers still ride to hounds and they are usually up front close by the master.

It seems the men look for the buzz.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

I've noticed similar male-female distribution in livery yards/boarding stables in the US and UK: mostly women but one or two guys. When I was teaching riding back in the States, the student distribution was similar: roughly one boy for every fifteen to twenty girls. In the context of a horse camp where you have a group of kids at the barn all day, this is a social nightmare for the boys. We kept the kids as busy as possible and didn't let them pick on each other, but you can't prevent all the subtle social exclusion BS that goes on amongst 12 and 13-year olds. At the yard I keep my horse at now near Glasgow, one of the of the other liveries is a 12-year old boy and his mum, who left their busy riding school to keep their pony at our wee quiet yard because the kid was getting a hard time from the girls at the riding school. Experiences like that have probably turned many a guy off to horse riding. 

In terms of adults, I knew a couple guys who grew up on a ranch and rode their whole lives and a few others who came to it as adults. 

There isn't any doubt in my mind that girls are socialized to be horsey and guys, for the most part, aren't. *Why* horseback riding has become gendered in this way should be a research topic for some academic. Maybe some post doc opportunities there.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

On a ranch, boys grow up seeing men ride, and they follow the example. City boys rarely see or hear of a man riding, so it is like taking a class in sewing - something girls do, not men.

I'm retired, and took up riding about the time I retired. I have the time to do so. However, when I was working, I worked 12 hrs/day, 5-6 days/week, and spent almost half of each year deployed to foreign countries (I was in the US Air Force). When I was stationed at RAF Upper Heyford north of Oxford, did I ride? Not a chance! For most of the year, I started work in the dark and finished in the dark. If I was lucky, I might get off work in time to run the dog along a bridle path nearby, but that usually only happened when we started work at 3 AM. I don't think it ever occurred to me to even try riding horses.

Now I find myself doing something that is completely dominated by girls. Not even women, for the most part, but teen girls. Horse magazines advertise clothing for teen girls. Questions tend to be about how a pink saddle looks. On the English riding side where I live, I don't think I've ever driven by a stable and seen a guy riding. A list of local trainers or riding instructors is 100% female. I sold one of our mares to a guy, and he's the only guy I know who rides apart from ranch work. In the church I go to, several of the men rode horses while growing up on ranches, but gave it up after they left the ranch.

If I didn't like our horses so much, I'd probably give it up. I can't go to a gathering of riders without sticking out like a sore thumb, with girls the age of my youngest daughter wondering who the guy with bifocals is, and doesn't he know that you DON'T put an English saddle on top of a Navajo blanket...but then, an advantage of being a retired old fart is not giving a rat's rear end about what most people think.

But it would be nice to pick up a horse magazine and see an advertisement for a rifle, or hunting trips, beer, or SOME suggestion that all their writing isn't oriented toward the 14 year old girl!

Aussie style saddle in the picture below, and my wife braided my mare's mane at the time of the photo - normally it is loose, and I've trimmed it since then to make it easier to deal with:


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

BSMS Nice to see a sprightly slim fella like you aboard.
You can lay a Navajo blanket under an Aussie saddle anytime you like
You don't have to worry about showing your panty line under your breeches
& you can stop off for a beer at the bar anywhere ther is a hitching post.

All you do have to do is to keep your end up against all those women - there are young ones, older ones and a few pensioners but on the whole they are a nice bunch. Enjoy.

Welcome to the Forum - there's a few old men codgers here already.

B G


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

And younger codgers as well.


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## EquestrianStar (Oct 20, 2011)

I'm male rider. I've been riding for over 15yrs and been training 5yrs. I've come across numerous male riders in NY. I'm going to buy an Imported Hanoverian soon. Can't wait!


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Just to let you guys know - DiDi is doing well at dressage.

She is placed for the finals at Novice level next April of a national dressage competition promoted by Pet Plan Insurance. And presently in November, just 13 months after she started in this dressage game, she is competing and doing well at Elementary level. Surprisingly she is giving me pleasure to watch her performing.
The Countess reckons DiDi will make it to Medium level before Easter. 

Also we've discovered that Regimate - a remedy for her seasonal tantrums works well - although it is expensive

But deep down within me there is the regret that she still doesn't like beer - so there will be no trips down to the pub for a pint.


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## CattanWolf (Dec 28, 2010)

Where I am over here in Southern France things seem to be a bit different.
At a beginner level there is an equal number of boys and girls riding. As the years go by however the boys seem to vanish, if you randomly pick 30 novice riders there will be maybe 3 or 4 boys. When the level goes up though, nearly all the girls "drop out", they have no wish to progress further than walk, trot, canter and jumps up to about 70cm. The boys often don't quit though, they mostly want to improve further than being weekend riders. The result is a small group of riders where 1/3 is a boy, by this level, progression can only be achieved by buying a horse and going to a competitive level. At "amateur" level (the first money earning competition level in France) the male 1/3 is very apparent. The girls once again mostly drop out though before "pro" level (pro riders are expected to have an entire show barn of 50k horses they trained from scratch by most people), I have yet to meet a woman training and competing at pro level.


Conclusion: There are plenty of men who ride, just not many who own horses outside of top level competition.
In my opinion it is because around here men have an attitude of "look at me, look how strong I am, I can hold this poor defenseless horse in rolkur, because I am a man and I ride _big_ horses"

(fun fact: most men around here own mares and there are virtually no geldings in the area, at any level)


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

I live in Wyoming. Many men ride. It's part of their work on ranches with cattle. I don't know any who think riding is a manly thing, because many women also ride for their work.

I'm also involved in polo. Granted most of the professional players are male. But, that has more to do with greater upper body strength resulting in longer shots made than anything macho. 

Most polo ponies are mares. They seem to be more tenacious. Though there are good ponies being played that are geldings and stallions.

I don't think I would like the male riders in your area based on your description.


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## cavallo (Feb 11, 2012)

*Escape- Men In Horse Riding*

My full time work is breaking race horses and riding them. Love it.One reason more men should take up riding, even if only occasionally is to relax.
Though at times not easy to do on my horses, freshly broken.Once in the saddle I escape and my mind goes all over. Have written a screenplay and e-book in the saddle. It is where I think the best.
Just turn things over in my head and solve a few things. Always carry a notepad and pen.
Depending on your size and weight. You could ride out for a racing yard or such near you. Even be paid to do so.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

IMO men who own horses need to have a dream that includes them. My husband always wanted to look like and ride like John Wayne. We talked about getting some horses early on but it took him participating in a local Civil War Reenactment in 1984, which is men dominated, to push him into horse ownership. Even then, we didn't buy our first horses until June of 1985.
Also, if a couple owns horses usually one of them does the gruntwork, which is me in our case. DH does contribute, usually $ when we need it, so I'm not complaining.
Perhaps many men don't get into horses for the OP's first post, "starting and stopping" in a hobby. Perhaps many men don't get into horses bc many men AND WOMEN today, in our "microwave society" lack the patience it takes to develop their animals into good partners.
I can't think of why men think riding/training isn't an adrenaline rush, especially with so many out-of-control horses that we have today, LOL.


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## cavallo (Feb 11, 2012)

*Reasons and Benefits*

Many men do not see the reasons and benefits of horse riding. Only the grunt work and expense.
They need it pointed out to them. Best thing to do is have them spend a day around horses of any type. The mental benefits are great,escape,lower or release stress. Just out on a trail or such after work. The health side,great exercise combined with being outdoors. Meeting new friends,or not ! No matter how hard a character a man may appear, a horse will soften him. Unavoidable :hug:


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

I ride horses weekly. I own 4 and board 2. I know the grunt work. I hay 12 acres for myself and some for others. But that has never stopped me from riding. I had horses and competed before i met my wife.


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## Susan Crumrine (Oct 5, 2009)

My dear husband rides with me all the time. He says some people first thought he was riding just to make me happy, but he set them all straight.
Now, he refuses to ride anything but an easy gaited horse, he says it hurts...


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

Hey, he's riding & happy about it. A win-win- situation.


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## Susan Crumrine (Oct 5, 2009)

He tacked him up himself, we are working on the finer points of tack fitting, this was a short ride on flat ground, we let the breast collar slide. I do not nag, he will figure it out~


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## PhelanVelvel (Jan 6, 2012)

I recently introduced my husband to riding. He had no preconceived notions about it whatsoever. XD He didn't know that barns are often teenaged girl-dominated, and really had no prior experience or knowledge about riding in general. Even if he did know, he wouldn't have minded. We try not to let "what other people think" or the status quo bother us too much. If you want to do something, do it, regardless of stereotypes! He really enjoys it a lot and he's looking forward to the time when we can have our own horses. He says it doesn't hurt his, er..."anatomy" at all, haha. I guess he just naturally figured out a way to sit, because when I tell him that it hurts some other guys, he says it just never hurt him, even from the first day.

I think he never got into riding until I told him about it because he didn't realise it was something you could do. He was under the impression it was quite unaffordable, especially because of the circumstances of his childhood, so I don't think "Hey, I could learn to ride horses" EVER crossed his mind. Now that he's doing it, he thinks it's fantastic. I think a lot of kids don't realise it's a feasible thing...I didn't until a schoolfriend of mine told me she rode. I thought it was something mainly for "rich" people. 

Why more girls seem to get into it than boys is really a tricky matter. There's no real societal pressure or bias towards girls in riding the way there is for other activities/sports, which is normally the reason for gender skew, in my opinion. In fact, riding used to be considered a thing for males... So I really don't know. Maybe it's the tights/breeches that put guys off, when they see that in media? Maybe they just think they'd have to wear those and they'd feel ridiculous doing so? Maybe it seems really posh and stuffy? Maybe they think it's only for really skinny guys, like jockeys? This is a complex issue.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

I would never have guessed back in November of 2010 that this thread was to be the fourth most read of those threads which I have started. As of today it has attracted 7366 viewers and 60 posts - in 16 months - that is a lot of readership. I wonder why?

OK, Western riding attracts additional sectors which the English male rider never really gets the opportunity to try out but in similar vein - Western male riders don't get to jump much.

I've never quite worked it out why women would like to see more fellas, but what convinced me to start the thread was the number of posts by females which expressed a little wistfulness that there weren't more men about. Even after reading what the ladies say, my opinion is that men can't accept the 24/7 responsibility of horse ownership - whereas women seek the committment.

This fine evening I passed by a four seater open convertible in which sat four young brothers, all of whom are riders. Mum was up front driving. I think the oldest boy is 14 and he is doing well with his new horse at show jumping. Mum does most of the mucking out. I'd like to think that this time next year there were still four young riding men in the family but my guess is that it will all depend on Mum and whether she will still be getting ready the horses for the boys to ride.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

Barry Godden said:


> ...my opinion is that men can't accept the 24/7 responsibility of horse ownership - whereas women seek the committment...


Gotta disagree with you here. Guys are quite capable of making time commitments to something they have an interest in doing. I've known plenty who spend uncounted hours tweaking a car. I've known a number who were hopeless dog fanatics. My son-in-law has been known to spend an hour cleaning one revolver after shooting - don't ask me how. It takes me about 5 minutes. Less if it is stainless steel.

15 months ago I wrote that men are goal oriented. I still think that is part of it. Of the 3 horses I own, two are just horses I sometimes ride. I clean up after them, feed them, etc, but neither gelding has ever bonded with me, or vice versa. They are better horses than my mare, in many ways. Calmer. Easier to train. If you go a month without riding them, so what?

It is the mare who has turned me into a rider. Probably because she is such a PITA, not in spite of it. She is a challenge. Dominant, stubborn, expressive, fearful. Not to be taken for granted. After 4 years, I will sometimes take my feet out of the stirrups with her, but only long enough to stretch a kink. She isn't a bucker, thank goodness, but we've had our share of bolts. If she thinks what we're doing is stupid, she gets angry. The geldings will work turns around a set of cones until asked to stop. The mare will tolerate maybe three turns before her back warns me that constantly turning in circles is stupid, and she doesn't like stupid people. I've never sat on her back and thought, "I'm safe"...

If I was smart, I'd have sold her years ago. The trainer I've worked with says most of her clients would have dumped her within months, and that my buying her may be all that kept her from a trip to Mexico. But it is the very challenge of her that makes it interesting. If riding just meant getting on a well-mannered gelding and walking thru the desert, I'd be bored out of my mind.

I don't need any equine sports to provide a challenge. I don't have to wear tight breeches, or worry about how my tack looks, or what the judges want. The judge that matters is the 900 lbs of muscle and erratic temperament underneath me. Can I find a way into her head, so that she will yield herself to me? Once in a great while, the answer is yes. Then she loans me her body, and for a brief time she will understand what I want and do it before I can give her a conscious cue. Her body and my mind...briefly, until it falls apart and we return to separate beings.

Without me, she may have gone to Mexico by now. Without her, I'd have quit riding.

There are not a lot of horses like her. The lesson horses I've ridden tend to make me appreciate a good dirt bike, instead.

Maybe women are more likely to find that bond with a horse. Maybe some bond with lesson horses, although I don't know how. My youngest daughter only wants to ride our Appy gelding. My wife has started riding our little mustang, and prefers him to any other horse she has met. Neither of the geldings connect with me, so maybe women are better at connecting emotionally with a horse. Any horse. Maybe men need a special type of horse to make them think riding horses beats riding motorcycles...


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

BSMS, Undoubtedly a few of us males learn to appreciate the companionship of a good horse but for many males in a modern society there are too many other responsibilities which leave too little spare time to devote to a horse.

I gave up on owning my own horse for a period during which the weight of running my own business became a hefty burden. When I managed to get a day off - I was too tired and too irritable to cope with a sensitive animal.

Time time time. 
When I was young and had the time and ability, I had no money.
When I had the money and I still had the ability, I never had the time
In retirement, when I still had the money, I had the horse but I had lost the faculty to ride as once, as a younger man, I once could.

The real cost of living this life is time not money.


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## Almond Joy (Dec 4, 2011)

I'm a boy (Teen) and I ride... Only know of one other guy in my grade that ride, however at least 15 girls who ride. I live in a kind of an"up-scale- town, so maybe that's why so many people ride.
I ride western, however am still learning, and once I can afford professional lessons I will start learning english, hopefully eventually doing some eventing. I now ride at a dad's friend's backyard barn, with three horses.


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## Fort fireman (Mar 5, 2011)

I'm a guy and have riden since I was about 8. At the time there was a tv show called The Young Riders. It was about the pony express. i was always into the cowboy stuff and it just seemed like the thing to do. i gotta learn to ride a horse. Well it started as something to do and turned into alot more than that. I will say I think I was the only boy in my school that rode and I rode alot until I turned 16. You know how it goes. I'm in high school, I have a car, i joined the Volunteer fire dept. and it kinda just went away. Then years go by and i got hired full time for a big city Fire Dept. Well every fireman has a side job and I needed one to. There was a horse farm in our area. i stopped in one day and asked for a job. i turns out the trainers brother was a fireman in Reno so he gave me a shot. (trainer was a guy) I got alot of " what does a fireman know about horses" type of comments. long story short , I worked there for almpst 8 years until the place got sold. The only other guys there was the trainer and one other guy that came and took leassons once a week with his wife. I'm not going to lie. A 21-28 yr old single guy is going to notice the girls at a hunter jumper barn. Sorry , its just nature. After the farm got sold I ended up getting a side job as a trail guide . If I wasn't at the firehouse I was on the back of a horse. this place also did alot of shows and that is where I met my wife. 
Now my wife and I do see thing differently on alot of things about horses. I ride western( did ride alot of english when working the hunter jumoper barn) she rides Dressage and jumpers. She likes her tall lanky TBs and warmbloods. I like my Bull dog quaterhorses. She likes a nice Pioff i love a good quick roll back. She likes a jump I love to chase a cow down the fence. But we both agree we love the time we spend with our horses and the time that the horses bring us together. We ended up bying our on place and now have three horses in our own pasture and we're living the dream so to speak. You think horses are 24/7. try your own horses on your own land. That is really 24/7.:lol:
Of course now we have our daughter that is 8 months and of course when the time comes I want her chasing cows and my wife will want her to do something in the english realm. I guess we'll have to let her decide. which I'm fine with as long as the saddle has a horn.










here we are getting her started. Her mom was leading us around and took the pic.
Please ignore the fat guy on the horse and just look at the cute little girl.










this is where we put her to watch the horses. so Chock another female to the horse lovers list.:lol:


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## Back2Horseback (Mar 21, 2012)

Without going into too much extraneous detail and repetition, I am a nearly 40 year-old woman, returning to riding after a 15 yearlong break after college while I built a career/marriage...the "usual" unfortunate story which too often causes women to lose themselves in exchange for family.

I found that the past year of my life (up until a glorious 1.5 months ago when I believe God intervened and reminded me of my 18 year-long prior, literal PASSION FOR ALL THINGS EQUINE) I had become quite depressed and anxious.

Working 40+ h per week as a night shift charge nurse for a locked, high acuity psychiatric hospital was too much for me emotionally without any outside interests ALL my own! Thus began my quest to restart a life WITH horses, regardless of what it would take!

My husband is a loving and supportive man and was THRILLED to see me FINALLY EXITING my yearlong depression, of sorts, and developing this childlike enthusiasm for horses, constantly reading and then, during our nighly, pre-work (for me) many miles-walk we always take, prattling on enlessly about all I had read that day or the prior night-if a slower one @ work-about my new old love...horses!

Well fascinatingly, I took my first vacation in TEN YEARS FROM WORK THIS WEEK...5 full nights OFF (!) to look around for a barn where they would allow me to volunteer, just picking out stalls, grooming school horses, cleaning tack...whatever I could do to get my "horse legs" under me before beginning to ride.

My husband wanted to come with me one of the days as I went to find a barn that would let me volunteer, and when we exited our vehicle at the first big barn, he became so visibly at peace, SO HAPPY to be there, and he started sharing with me about his childhood years at boarding school (something I've always known of, other than the one detail he had always left out...which was that he had spent two years on their equestrian team!) and he had forgotten his immense love of horses & riding literally until the smells and sights of that barn surrounded us! (He had an awful childhood, and tends towards blocking a lot of it so this was a really big deal!)

It was HARD TO TELL yesterday, as he and I walked about the stables and pastures, stroking whichever horses came up to us for pats, waiting to speak with the BO, WHICH OF US was giddier about being there!

In talking with one of the boarders at this establishment, and as she and the BO learned of MY desire to volunteer, he said to her that he, too, would LOVE to join me in volunteering, and even offered his blacksmithing skills (that is his career) to the BO in order to help mend fences, ANYTHING SHE NEEDED, to be near the horses, as well, and begin to learn alongside me all which neither of us had done in decades!

To say I was overjoyed is understating! All the way home, we EACH PRATTLED ON about our growing excitement about getting reintroduced to the horse world. By the time we got home, HE was calculating how long it would be before we could budget ourselves properly to EACH LEASE OR OWN A HORSE! My 6 month to one year plan of budgeting has since become OUR plan of budgeting from one horse now to two!

We've been together 10 years, and he has ALWAYS BEEN an animal lover, and I've known he loved to hear of my riding stories of my youth, but now I'm beginning to learn HIS! In fact, he taught ME some things as we spoke till the wee hours last night which were totally foreign to me about horses and breeding and foaling that he got to be a part of at boarding school! 

Needless to say, all very great things to come for he and I as a team now, and I can hardly wait!!


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

B2HB, that is a pretty cool story.


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## Horse Lad (Apr 22, 2012)

Really good article mate, I'm a young guy and I think it's about time I just took the plunge and spoke to the parents about riding lessons. Life is for living eh, I should really just go for it!


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