# Upcoming Kidney Biopsy-Terrified!



## deserthorsewoman

I can't help you with the biopsy, but I lived with a catheter in my kidney, coming out on my back, for almost two years, because I was too chicken to have surgery. I had to have it changed every 3 months. Awake. They make you inhale and hold your breath. It's bearable. I was super scared, but afterwards I was like" that was it?". I did have surgery, eventually, they wanted me to keep my kidney. I envied everybody who had theirs removed, they went home after 8 days. I had to stay 6 weeks and got out early only because my friend was a nurse at the hospital and did bandage changes and other necessities in my house. 
I sure hope the biopsy will be all you'll need done.


----------



## tinyliny

I hope it is not so bad. Just keep up front in your mind this: 
Almost always the anticipation and fear of something is much WORSE than the reality. Hang in there, horse girl!


----------



## Saddlebag

By being conscious means they can still put you in the twilight zone where you can hear but takes some effort to talk. Have you asked about a spinal or are the kidneys too high.


----------



## totalfreedom

You don't need to go through all that trauma if you make the choice not to. It will require you to make some lifestyle changes....in particular, it will require you to change what you are eating. It really is that simple, so the biggest question you need to ask yourself.....is it worth the dedication to make the changes necessary, or would you prefer to continue down the path you're on?

Study;
Arnold Ehret
Dr. Robert Morse
Loren Lockman
just to name a few. There are many others out there but these three will give you a very good understanding of what will be required of you to make the necessary changes in your life that will bring you back into health.

If I were to give you a sample of my honest opinion I would say....run from those doctors. Dump em and move on, they need you....not the other way around. If you want true health and not just surgeries and medications for the rest of your life, then take your health into your own hands. You body has amazing potential to heal itself if you simply get out of it's way and let it do what it's designed to do.


----------



## bitinsane

I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you at such a young age. My mother in law had a kidney biopsy and it didn't seem to phase her much. She said she felt a pinch and her back area was a little sore afterwards for a few days, but that's all. I understand your fear, but it's always worse then what we make it out to be. Keep us updated and my best wishes to you.


----------



## 2BigReds

Deserthorsewoman, that helps a bit... I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that it has to happen and hopefully it won't be terrible and they can just get a baseline. :/

Thanks, Tiny. I know that's probably the case, I just need some reassurance from someone who might've gone through similar, ya know? At only 21 none of my friends have ever been through anything like this so they can't really relate.

Saddlebag, spinal? Not sure what you're referring to, some sort of numbing or something?

Totalfreedom, if I was taking care of my own medical situation, I'd be very tempted to bypass all of the tests and procedures. My parents are nazis about my medical care and considering they're paying for all of it, I only have so much of a say unless I want to lose that. I HAVE been wanting to try an elimination diet, though it's tough to eat even decently with money as tight as it is without the second job. I may talk to my parents about helping financing that, but I hate even asking. Living is darn expensive!!! >_<

Also it may be worth it to note that a good number of the medications that I'm on are temporary, so this won't last forever. Unfortunately aside from the antibiotics, I'm not sure exactly how long some of these will run, though I'll probably not take the tramadine ever. Doesn't even work and it makes me feel crappy.


----------



## Zexious

Wow... how scary ;-; I don't know anything about these procedures, but wanted to say you're in our thoughts )8 Keep your chin up!


----------



## franknbeans

totalfreedom said:


> You don't need to go through all that trauma if you make the choice not to. It will require you to make some lifestyle changes....in particular, it will require you to change what you are eating. It really is that simple, so the biggest question you need to ask yourself.....is it worth the dedication to make the changes necessary, or would you prefer to continue down the path you're on?
> 
> Study;
> Arnold Ehret
> Dr. Robert Morse
> Loren Lockman
> just to name a few. There are many others out there but these three will give you a very good understanding of what will be required of you to make the necessary changes in your life that will bring you back into health.
> 
> If I were to give you a sample of my honest opinion I would say....run from those doctors. Dump em and move on, they need you....not the other way around. If you want true health and not just surgeries and medications for the rest of your life, then take your health into your own hands. You body has amazing potential to heal itself if you simply get out of it's way and let it do what it's designed to do.


To give such advice without knowing the OP's specific case is dangerous, and that is, honestly, the nicest word I can use. Op certainly can do her own research online and learn more about what, if any, other options she has. But frankly-some folks would take your advice and it would be a death sentence and extremely ill advised. As a nurse-who looks at ALL the options and makes educated decisions I know enough to know that there is no black and white. Each person is different and the ONLY way to care for them is as individuals. I sure hope you have good insurance if you go around giving out advice like this!:twisted:


----------



## SlideStop

I am a total whimp and nervous Nelly. I go into fight or flight mode pretty bad, like I almost bit a co worker when they were practicing laser hair removal on me! Not cool! Your doctor might be able to pre medicate you with a valium or something. You can also ask about twilight Anastasia, like they give for cardiac catheterization.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CLaPorte432

2BigReds, while I don't understand what you are going through, i am a dialysis technician and see many different patients come in due to all sorts of kidney problems. From genetic, to drug induced kidney failure, to trauma etc. I have a 20 y/o and a 21 y/o right now actually... 

This is obviously serious as your kidneys are a HUGE part of your body. Most people dont even realize that the kidney helps to release the hormone to produce red blood cells. Can cause anemia. Or regulate electrolytes. High calcium/phorphorus can lead to kidney stones, skin lesions, high potassium can stop your heart. Fluid balance. The kidney is an extremely vital organ.

its okay to be scared. Its okay to cry. But please follow your Doctors orders to a T. And if you start to have weird symptoms anywhere along the way, go to ER. Anything out of the ordinary For you. Follow any diet restrictions, take your medication.

keep your head up. The biopsy won't be unbearable...it may be uncomfortable and painful, but it will not kill you. 

*Hugs* Hang in there girly...

PS, are they doing anything for your high potassium?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SlideStop

CLaPorte432 said:


> 2BigReds, while I don't understand what you are going through, i am a dialysis technician and see many different patients come in due to all sorts of kidney problems. From genetic, to drug induced kidney failure, to trauma etc. I have a 20 y/o and a 21 y/o right now actually...
> 
> This is obviously serious as your kidneys are a HUGE part of your body. Most people dont even realize that the kidney helps to release the hormone to produce red blood cells. Can cause anemia. Or regulate electrolytes. High calcium/phorphorus can lead to kidney stones, skin lesions, high potassium can stop your heart. Fluid balance. The kidney is an extremely vital organ.
> 
> its okay to be scared. Its okay to cry. But please follow your Doctors orders to a T. And if you start to have weird symptoms anywhere along the way, go to ER. Anything out of the ordinary For you. Follow any diet restrictions, take your medication.
> 
> keep your head up. The biopsy won't be unbearable...it may be uncomfortable and painful, but it will not kill you.
> 
> *Hugs* Hang in there girly...
> 
> PS, are they doing anything for your high potassium?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The kidney is totally the most underestimated and under appreciated organ in the body! It's also among the most sensitive, it quits fairly easily!


----------



## 2BigReds

CLaPorte432 said:


> 2BigReds, while I don't understand what you are going through, i am a dialysis technician and see many different patients come in due to all sorts of kidney problems. From genetic, to drug induced kidney failure, to trauma etc. I have a 20 y/o and a 21 y/o right now actually...
> 
> This is obviously serious as your kidneys are a HUGE part of your body. Most people dont even realize that the kidney helps to release the hormone to produce red blood cells. Can cause anemia. Or regulate electrolytes. High calcium/phorphorus can lead to kidney stones, skin lesions, high potassium can stop your heart. Fluid balance. The kidney is an extremely vital organ.
> 
> its okay to be scared. Its okay to cry. But please follow your Doctors orders to a T. And if you start to have weird symptoms anywhere along the way, go to ER. Anything out of the ordinary For you. Follow any diet restrictions, take your medication.
> 
> keep your head up. The biopsy won't be unbearable...it may be uncomfortable and painful, but it will not kill you.
> 
> *Hugs* Hang in there girly...
> 
> PS, are they doing anything for your high potassium?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, as much as I just want to huddle under the covers and wish it will go away, I can only really do that between the hours of 10pm and 9am lol. :lol: I'm on Prednisone as of yesterday and it's already helping my general wellness tremendously. The binding agent for the potassium was backordered on Friday, so I was going to have to wait to get it but my potassium levels are back to normal so they told me not to take it anymore. Back to a normal level potassium diet, but I'm going to watch my intake just in case. Surely I'll be "donating" blood often enough that they'll be able to keep a pretty close eye on things. 

However...as of yesterday my kidney function is down just a bit more than last time and I'm showing signs of mild anemia so they moved the biopsy up to this coming Monday. :?

SlideStop OMG your comment about almost biting a coworker had me rolling! That is SO me!!! :rofl:


----------



## MissingStar

No words of wisdom from me (wish I had some for you :?). Just wanted to send my best wishes for next Monday, keep us posted.


----------



## Dreamcatcher Arabians

I have no advice for you, but I want to wish you the best! Lot's of calming thoughts and prayers coming your way from OK.


----------



## 2BigReds

Thank you for all of the well wishes, everyone. I just found out that my mom will be able to drive up for Monday/Tuesday to be with me and help me out (especially if the hospital food sucks! :lol


----------



## HollyBubbles

2BigReds, I can't help with the kidney procedure at all and for that I'm sorry, but I think it may be worth inquiring about a spinal block to help you cope with the procedure if they only use a light sedative, that is if you are not going to panic about not being able to feel your legs.

Make sure you voice your anxiety concerns to your anaesthetist, that is probably the best thing that you could do for yourself and make sure he/she listens, because they should be able to put a sedation/calmer through an IV line before you go in to the theatre to help you along with it.

Personally, I have agoraphobia. Severely. I mean severely. Today I had my colonoscopy. I told every darn nurse and doctor and surgeon and anaesthetist that walked through that door that I have it and can not cope full stop. I made sure every single one of them knew about it. I was wheeled through the hospital corridor and started having a full blown panic attack worse than I've ever had before, before I even got into the theatre, I had to concentrate so hard on just breathing that I couldn't physically move, talk, or hear any of my surroundings. My whole body shook and I was crying hysterically but completely silently. That was about the time that my head went, hold on. RUN. Get the heck out of here, just run. But physically I couldn't do anything, I was paralysed by my concentration on my breathing. As soon as they saw what was happening they were in there with a sedative faster than you could say HELP, and not 5 seconds later I was in bliss, happy as Larry breathing just fine and looking at "da Purdy lights on te roof LOL" seconds later I was out to it from the anaesthetic they put in, I don't remember the rest of the procedure, just waking up in recovery and telling the nurse I was still in my happy place and no I don't need my mum.
^ And that is my reaction after YEARS of practising control, because my phobia does rule my life in all aspects.

I know my reaction is extreme thanks to my phobia, but the point of that story is for you to make sure that you voice your concerns to everyone who is going to be involved in the procedure, if the first person doesn't listen or you think they haven't listened well enough, voice it again. And again, and again until somebody is helpful.
And just remember, the pre-thoughts about it are always worse than the procedure itself, and afterwards your most likely going to go, "well that was a whole lot of work up for nothing."

Good luck with the procedure and I hope all goes well, and I feel for you, you shouldn't have to be going through any of this at only 21, I'm 18 so I feel for you on the medical issues at a young age side, but I can't directly comment on the procedure you are having done. All the best, and I'll say it again, voice your concerns, make them heard, ask what your options are.
This might sound weird, but do you have the option of a safeword? Like a word you can say/scream/cry whatever during the procedure if you can't cope or need help or more drugs? May help to discuss this with a sympathetic nurse or anaesthetist and it may help ease your anxiety knowing you can do something about it if you absolutely need to. And breathe, remember to breathe going into theatre, long deep breathes


----------



## bitinsane

2BigReds said:


> Thank you for all of the well wishes, everyone. I just found out that my mom will be able to drive up for Monday/Tuesday to be with me and help me out (especially if the hospital food sucks! :lol


the procedure isn't inpatient, it's usually done in an out patient facility and takes 30 min.


----------



## deserthorsewoman

You could also look into Bach Rescue Remedy. A couple of drops every 15 minutes if needed, starting Sunday night. It's not a drug, and it will take some of the anxiety away.


----------



## stevenson

Wishing good luck and hoping for good results for you. 
Franknbeans.. i agree with you .


----------



## totalfreedom

franknbeans said:


> To give such advice without knowing the OP's specific case is dangerous, and that is, honestly, the nicest word I can use. Op certainly can do her own research online and learn more about what, if any, other options she has. But frankly-some folks would take your advice and it would be a death sentence and extremely ill advised. As a nurse-who looks at ALL the options and makes educated decisions I know enough to know that there is no black and white. Each person is different and the ONLY way to care for them is as individuals. I sure hope you have good insurance if you go around giving out advice like this!:twisted:



Perhaps I shouldn't of made the comment on the doctors. But I still feel strongly that doctors need patients more than we need them......so long as we're willing to take control of our lives into our own hands.

I think for the most part doctors are too quick to suggest sponsored pills and surgeries before they're willing to admit that a change in eating habits to clean out the backed up, clogged internal sewage system ,"lymphatic system - for anyone who's wondering", will result in tremendous health benefits. Not once have I been to a doctor who told me that all I needed to do was clean up my eating habits, unclog my lymph system and get it functioning, clean out my kidneys, clean my GI tract, get out all the accumulated mucus deposits, clean and strengthen my liver...ya get the point. The only advice I've ever received from doctors has been....you need these shots...take these pills...how about surgery to remove this..... I'm sure though that anyone who is around the medical field for any length of time will be aware of this.

And I think it's well known to anyone in the medical field, that they can't advise such things for fear of malpractice and losing their license. This is why I chose to never enter such a restricted field whose teachings are built upon the foundations of prescribing medications. And instead focused all my learning towards actual healing and health. There's no way I could ever ethically do nothing more for people than alleviate their symptoms for a small while by suppressing their body's natural desire to heal itself. I would just have to open my big trap and spill the beans. So for me, I'm happy to be outside looking in, and being able to give simple suggestions to people that they need to look at the world we live in, and be very aware of the things they put into their body. And I prefer to give simple advice, for those people who are interested enough to learn this stuff, a place to start their own research.

And I do like doctors for trauma purposes. But the current work of a medical doctor....I can honestly say that I don't agree with.....but where we currently are in society, perhaps they are necessary, at the moment, to help people alleviate their woes until it becomes more common knowledge that health is simple. The fuels we provide our bodies will either destroy us or fill us with life. And it really is that simple. But, this is just me expressing my opinion from walking around the block a little bit. Nothing more.

And please if anyone out there has been to the doctors....been prescribed medications and actually healed from all their ailments.....and I mean REALLY healed. No more glasses, no allergies, no rubs or medications of any kind including OTC needed, no colds/flu's, absolutely devoid of any disease or trauma, no cavities, regrowth of any and all traumatised tissue "bones, teeth, skin, organs, etc", joints work as they should, you have energy and feel "youthful" all the time, basically perfect health......for YEARS on end, without needing to see a doctor ever again, or ever needing to swallow another pill, EVER.......then please by all means share it, and tell me to just shut up and go away. 

And PLEASE understand I'm not meaning any offence to anyone out there. I just want to voice my opinion and share what I know about health, because first and foremost......it SUCKS to feel terrible all the dang time. Been there...done that....it ain't fun. But also, it's very saddening to watch the people you love just get sicker and sicker while they continue to go through more and more pain. So that's why I voice my opinion.


----------



## 2BigReds

bitinsane said:


> the procedure isn't inpatient, it's usually done in an out patient facility and takes 30 min.


Oh, how I wish that were true, but since I have a blood clotting disorder they're keeping me overnight for observation. :/ I know it's an outpatient procedure for most but not for me, unfortunately.

TotalFreedom, that makes a bit more sense, however in an emergency situation like this where I'm going downhill pretty fast, unfortunately it's not feasible.

Ugh. Came home from work today at lunch and couldn't go back. I'm muscle achy all over and having a heck of a time concentrating. Thank god for autocorrect today or half of this would probably be illegible. Had some labs pulled earlier and an appointment tomorrow with my nephrologist. Hopefully I can even make it to Fresno this weekend. My mom's 50th birthday party is this Saturday 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## franknbeans

Hang in-make your arrangements and get done what needs to be. it is worse to have it hanging over your head, while you think of all the bad things that could happen. The sooner you get it done the faster you will have answers and hopefully some solutions.

Totalfreedom-I am not going to discuss your theories any further. To each their own. This thread is to support the OP in what needs to be done. Period.


----------



## 2BigReds

Feeling slightly better than yesterday...A bit more cognitive at least. Nephrology appointment this afternoon to discuss the labs taken yesterday so we'll see how that goes.

Also got a call from my staffing agency this morning. Today is apparently my last day at that job and I'm not even well enough to go in. I'm not really sure if I can care much about that right now, though finances are obviously going down the drain for a bit. 

I almost just can't wait for this whole stupid thing to be over.


----------



## Bagheera

I've never had a kidney biopsy, but I have had a liver biopsy. I'm not sure how similar the two are, but I can tell you it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was painful, not as painful as I'd led myself to believe, it was over very quickly, and did not really bother me for more than a few hours. I realized after the fact that I'd just hyped myself up. Hope that helps.


----------



## 2BigReds

Good lord that was terrifying. I have never had a panic attack before, but at least it's over and I'm still alive to tell the tale! Thanks for the support, everyone, it really did help leading up to things if nothing else. <3 Now to await the results!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## deserthorsewoman

Good! I was thinking of you today. Now let's hope for good results.


----------



## MissingStar

Glad your biopsy is behind you. Wishing the best for you on results day.


----------



## EvilHorseOfDoom

Good luck with the results 2BigReds! Hope you get some good news and they can help restore your kidneys to their normal function. I assume that the inflammation would be quite painful!!

Now you have me nervous, I have RA and it's been getting progressively worse, now in all my joints rather than restricted to elbows and knees, and I get much more swelling when it flares up, AND the flareups are more regular. Hope I'm not in line for any organ inflammation but I've already had what was suspected (not confirmed) as pleurisy, not to mention heart problems. And I'm only 25. Gah. Someone buy me a new body!!


----------



## HollyBubbles

Well done for getting through the procedure 2BigReds I know it's scary but you did it and I hope your proud of yourself even if it seems silly to be . and I hope they find useful results for you! Please keep us all informed on how you are and any results you may get. All the best 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2BigReds

Results on Friday, fingers crossed for class 3 or better, doctor is expecting class 4... I'll be sure to update either way! On the upside, my nephrologist said that usually when lupus attacks the kidneys it leaves the other vital organs alone, which we're really hoping for.

EHoD, can we start a fund for research on growing replacement bodies? This sounds like a good plan. In all seriousness, though, I hope you don't have any serious issues as well. The arthritis is bad enough, but knowing that your body is attacking itself where you can't see or feel it (at least early on) is the really tough part in my opinion. I was doing pretty well psychologically with the arthritis since I knew that it wasn't causing me permanent damage to move when it hurt (not destroying bone/cartilage for example) and I could just power through it, but internal organs are a whole different animal. I'm afraid that my battle may turn into one of quality vs quantity of life if my kidneys are further gone than we thought, and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Being in our 20s only makes that harder. :/

HollyBubbles, thanks! I know you've been through a lot too. I'm actually about to go check up on your thread since I haven't in a few days.

Now I just can't wait to be able to get up and DO things! With the Predisone doing its job I'm feeling pretty good (though a bit fat in the face but whatever lol) but I can't really go anywhere due to the temporary risk of internal bleeding. I have an appointment on the 4th, though, and she said there was a possibility of returning to work at the restaurant for short shifts after that. I would absolutely love that, as my "stable" desk job has now dropped me... Thank gods my parents are taking care of my medical bills and vehicle repairs. I honestly don't know what I'd do if they weren't able to help me, aside from maybe going into massive piles of debt!!!


----------



## bitinsane

glad to hear everything went well! Keep us updated. Best of luck


----------



## totalfreedom

At the risk of being told once again by the professional nurse that my advice is not supportive.....I'm going to say it anyway.

You can HEAL from what is afflicting you. Real healing. Just do the research. And it doesn't matter that you have this or that, it's pretty much all the same in the end, and the healing takes place in the same way. Get rid of the internal obstructions, and nourish the body. If you find that you would like more support, then my suggestion would be to contact Dr. Morse directly. And get on the FB fan page that was created by people who followed his advice and healed, for even more support.

Okay....I'll try not to bother you with this information from here on out. :wink: But I just felt compelled to say it at least one more time.


----------



## 2BigReds

Okay, so I'm at stage 4, but do not have a lot of fibrosis (scarring, I think?) which is apparently a very good thing, and means that there is little permanent damage so we should be able to get me back to nearly normal. Initially they were talking about a long-term prednisone regimen, but my doctor has decided that this will not likely be necessary. Phew. The new immunosuppressant that they are switching me to won't allow me to get pregnant while I'm on it, but I don't want two-leggeds anyway and I'm certainly not in the right spot to do so even if I did!

All in all, probably the best news I could've asked for aside from, "just kidding, your lupus is gone!"  Though then I guess I would've had to ask about the incision and ice-filled tub that I woke up in on Monday afternoon... :lol:


----------



## EvilHorseOfDoom

That's great news that it hasn't progressed too far, 2BigReds! Must be a massive relief for you. Does the immunosuppressant have any other side-effects? 

Oh yes, wouldn't it be awesome if our autoimmune diseases just magically went away eh? Or we could just grow another body part when we lost one! What I'm essentially saying is I want to be a Time Lord haha! 

My arthritis has flared up in my hands now, my knuckles are noticeably bigger. And more painful. Blah! That on top of three mental illnesses...oh to be a healthy 25yo, with a new brain, new lungs, new heart and new joints! In saying that I think I'm ageing early lol, have 3 grey hairs already and put my back out the other day while getting dressed - where's the Fountain of Youth? Quick!


----------



## 2BigReds

EHOD oh geez! Haha putting your back out while getting dressed is pretty bad lol. I've thrown out my hip before when a certain SOMEONE tried to walk off when I was mounting him bareback... Little s**t lol.

Well I'm not on the full dose of Cellcept yet, but I'm 2/3 there and no side effects yet. It'll be hard to tell for awhile since getting off of Prednisone can sometimes do weirdo things to ya, but I really just can't wait to be off the stuff. 3 months till I'm off it completely, they said, fingers crossed!!!

Aside from the actual biopsy part, the kidney flare might've been a blessing in disguise. Yes I felt absolutely awful and nearly unable to function for nearly 6 weeks straight, but since starting on Cellcept? I honestly don't remember the last time I was pain free like this. Probably early high school years. It is incredibly freeing, and it would be pretty tough for the lupus to flare up in my kidneys enough to do more damage since we're watching things much more closely now. If i continue to feel this good, I may not even bother with the handicapped privileges at Disneyland next month! Went on a long hike on Saturday with my man (still in San Diego, headed back home in a bit but we had a lovely weekend) and I was practically bouncing off the walls I felt so good. Now just to find another job... Haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EvilHorseOfDoom

Haha, I put out my hip riding Brock at the walk because he was too fat one summer. Weird injuries LOL!

I'm glad you've found a drug that works for you - it can be a real struggle and very disheartening trying out different ones. And now hopefully you can get back to living your life! Once you've gone to Disneyland that is :lol: But you must be so happy to be able to be pain-free, and it'll help your overall health as well. It's funny how you don't appreciate a pain-free life until you're in constant pain!

I completely gave up on antidepressants and mood stabilisers as I was experiencing all the nasty side effects (splitting headaches, dry mouth, messed up sleep, paranoid psychosis, even being cross-eyed!) and was told I'd have to wait for up to 6 months before I'd start experiencing any benefit. Blah! At $35/mth it just wasn't worth it. With the RA I'm only taking NSAIDs, and only when I get a flare up, but I think this will be a growing problem for me in the next few years as it's becoming more frequent, more painful and more widespread.


----------



## Saddlebag

Evil, instead of taking antidepressants, I opted to try light therapy. The special lamp I am using is placed about 20" from my eyes for 20 min. I don't look directly at it but it is to the side of the computer monitor. It is on now as I type. I noticed an immediate improvement after the first session. Each year as the sun gets lower so does my state of mind. Desire to do anything goes with it. Not a good way to live for 6 mos. as we have many dark overcast days during winter as well. Now the interest in doing thing has returned even tho we will soon be heading in to winter.


----------



## EvilHorseOfDoom

Saddlebag said:


> Evil, instead of taking antidepressants, I opted to try light therapy. The special lamp I am using is placed about 20" from my eyes for 20 min. I don't look directly at it but it is to the side of the computer monitor. It is on now as I type. I noticed an immediate improvement after the first session. Each year as the sun gets lower so does my state of mind. Desire to do anything goes with it. Not a good way to live for 6 mos. as we have many dark overcast days during winter as well. Now the interest in doing thing has returned even tho we will soon be heading in to winter.


Thanks Saddlebag I will try that! It's cheap I'm guessing which suits me well as dialectical behaviour therapy is way out of my budget I'm afraid. Do you struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder (the very apt acronym SAD)? I certainly know I'm worse in the evenings/at night although very lucky our nights aren't as long as yours are in Canada. Also worse on gloomy days. I'm keen for anything that will help lift my mood. Fighting bipolar and borderline personality disorder AND anxiety is not much fun I'm afraid, but if I can just improve the depressive moments a tiny fraction and reduce my anxiety levels to something more normal I think I can get through. Certainly taking a sedative has helped reduce my rages and psychosis. I know, you're probably ready to put me in a straitjacket after reading this! :lol:


----------

