# Bartering services with another boarder



## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

I currently board at a "self serve" facility. They will feed in the morning if you measure and prepare all your feed and leave it in front of your stall, and that's about it.

Last summer a friend/co-boarder (who is extremely busy with her career) worked out a deal where I take care of her 2 horses 2 days a week and she takes care of Cinny, 3 days a week. Basically the deal was that in the mornings, every morning when she comes out to turn out her 2 boys, she would turn out Cin. Then whomever's turn it is to take care of them that evening would bring them in, mucks stall, feed, pick hooves etc. 

Everything has been going fine, Cin got turned out every day and then Sun-Tue mucked and fed. Then Wed & Thur I would muck her two stalls/runs and feed her horses. And the other days we took care of just our own, with the exception that she still turned out Cin. Sometimes she would ask me to do extra days on weekends and if my baby got sick or something she would do Cin extra days.

Well, NOW, she also worked out another deal to take care of another ladie's horse in the evenings. So this means that Wed & Thur night, *I* take care of this new horse (I wasn't asked first by it's owner or my friend, she just assumed I'd take care of her too). So now 2 days a week I bring in, muck, and feed 3 horses instead of just my friend's 2. On top of that, their deal is that this new lady would turn out my friend's horses in the AM so my friend doesn't do it anymore. But, this person doesn't/won't turn out Cin, so Cin no longer gets daily turnout because of this even though I'm bringing HER horse in and feeding/mucking it 2 nights a week along with my friend's horses.

I'm not sure how to handle this, how to approach my friend about it, I think it's really unfair to dump an extra horse on me that I didn't bargain for and then get Cin's turnout stopped. I'm afraid she will get mad and say to forget the deal altogether, and I really can't do that as I only have babysitter certain days a week and I don't think the stable is a place for a toddler.

Does anybody have any suggestions at all how to handle this, or approach this? Cinny is going berzerk now that he's not getting his turnouts and is becoming a little unmanageable on rides. I just don't know what to say, or how to start off the conversation and I don't really want to make waves, but I feel a little taken advantage of right now. All I want is for my horse to get turned out too, he leads well, has decent ground manners and it takes a whole extra 60 seconds to walk him from his stall to the turnout, if that.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

Yea, looks like you're getting the sh(*&y end of the deal on this. I would have a good talk with your friend & show her the unfairness. If she has any conscience, she won't want to screw you like this.


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

so somebody else makes a deal to barter your labor, and you get less in return and you dont know how to handle it ? Seriously ? It's called standing up for yourself and not being a doormat


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## Beauseant (Oct 22, 2010)

agree with Joe. Stop being a doormat. While you are letting this woman dump on you, your horse suffers....

In my world, these things are reciprocal....you scratch my back, I scratch yours.....

There is no way on God's green earth I would lift a finger to help this woman with her horse while my horse stays caged because she can't or won't turn him out for some reason.

as for how to approach the situation.....be straightforward. Spell it out in plain and simple language. Don't dilly dally or beat around the bush. Tell her what you are willing to do for her, and be very clear that this is what you expect in return.....else, no deal.


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## Dressage10135 (Feb 11, 2009)

My feeling is, if you wanted someone else to take care of your horse you shouldn't have boarded at a self serve facility.


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## catsandhorses (Aug 6, 2011)

Why did you ever start taking care of this 3rd horse? Did you friend speficially ask you to do so or did you just assume that you would need to take on this new responsibility? If you were asked, why didn't you negotiate something else in the deal for your horse at that time?

If you NEED someone to help with your horse on certain days then why not approach both women and see if you can come up with a 3-way deal that works for everyone? In this case I would chart the days, chores and note the name of who is responsible and hang one on each horse's stall or something so that there is NO miscommunication going forward.


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## catsandhorses (Aug 6, 2011)

One more thing, I would be very matter of fact about this and leave the emotions out of it. A simple, "I seem to have taken on some added responsiblity here without any added help in return and I was wondering if the three of us could revisit who is looking after the horses on which days to be certain that we are all equally sharing the workload and receiving equal benefits from this arrangement." If they balk at the thought of making things equitable then you have your answer: deal with it or find another alternative.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

What I need is how to start to approach her about this. I know I'm getting the raw end. How do I begin the conversation? I'm not very good with words in person and tend to **** people off because I just don't know how to talk to people in person. I need to know how you guys would approach it, that is the question here.

I did start bringing the other horse in because I didn't want her left in the turn out cold and hungry (it's been under 15 degrees here at night). She is an OTTB rescue that is already sick and lame from improper care by her previous owner and it's not her fault that her care was shoved onto someone else like this. I need to find the words to tell my friend that this isn't fair to me without turning this into a big war, because I don't want it to be a big huge fight, it makes it unpleasant for everyone else at the stable, not just us if we are arguing and fighting and mad at each other.


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

I would have handled it along time ago and wouldnt have needed to post a thread on a forum about it. 
I guess I cant comprehend the total lack of fortitude on your part. 
Someone else volunteered YOUR labor in a deal that benefited these two other people, with out your say so, or fore knowledge and you just went along with it and dont know how to approach the issue ? I just cant grasp how someone can be that way.
Just tell them NO, jeeze loiuse, stand up for yourself. , UMMm Excuse me but I wont be tending your horses any longer.


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## Beauseant (Oct 22, 2010)

I understand what the OP is trying to say. HOWEVER the current situation came about, she is asking for ideas on how to broach the subject to these ladies. 

How this came about in the first place or what she should have done then is a moot point.

OP, i would not come at these ladies with anger or frustration....that only serves to breed MORE anger and frustration. And I can understand why you don't want those you board with to be mean to you and/or your horse.

BUT, you do need to resolve this. I would tell the other two women that the three of you need to make a schedule of who does what on what day. At our ex barn we did this....us three boarders made a schedule, which was posted in the barn. We signed up for days and times when we cared for each others' horses. One of the ladies was a musician in a Celtic band, so she travelled alot, sometimes internationally....and would be gone for a week or more at a time. THe other lady and I picked up the slack...BUT, when she wasn't on tour, she would take care of our horses five out of seven days...especially is she had a tour coming up. Things would come up where someone couldn't make it on their assigned day once in a while...so one of us would take over. We didn't get upset, life happens, kids get sick, cars break down, etc....but otherwise the schedule worked perfectly.

Anyhow, approach these ladies and tell them that you all need to make up a schedule of who does what and when. ALSO, it is very important that you make it CLEAR what is expected of the person...i.e. what their duties include. We had that problem with our schedule at first, so we had a meeting and made it clear what was expected of you when you signed up for chores. That is where YOU will need to be kind but assertive. YOU will need to be sure that they understand that your horse MUST be turned out....PERIOD. Else the whole system is null and void. 

Good luck and please check back in and let us know how it goes....

REmember: BOTTOM LINE IS: your horse must be turned out and receive the same quality of care you give to theirs. THAT is not negotiable.


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

I would broach the matter by getting the two of them or at least your friend and start by saying that you are not happy with this new arrangement. I would then spell out the problem - being told that things have changed but never being asked your thoughts - then doing more work but getting less in return. This isn't working for you. I'm assuming they need you as much as you need them so them telling you that you are out, isn't going to happen.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

Joe4d said:


> I would have handled it along time ago and wouldnt have needed to post a thread on a forum about it.
> I guess I cant comprehend the total lack of fortitude on your part.
> Someone else volunteered YOUR labor in a deal that benefited these two other people, with out your say so, or fore knowledge and you just went along with it and dont know how to approach the issue ? I just cant grasp how someone can be that way.
> Just tell them NO, jeeze loiuse, stand up for yourself. , UMMm Excuse me but I wont be tending your horses any longer.


The thing with the extra horse just started 2 days ago!!! Your answer still doesn't leave room for the fact that I still need to get along with these ladies and work something out, not burn bridges.


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## Beauseant (Oct 22, 2010)

I agree with you, Cinny.

Joe's approach isn't going to win you their cooperation, rather you will end up with their anger....which is DEFINATELY going to be felt by you, and possibly even by your horse. 

You don't catch flies with vinegar, as the saying goes.

However, you will need to be kind yet assertive.....because people tend to walk all over you if they feel they can. 

so Joe was right about that.....do NOT be a doormat.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

Thanks guys. I called my friend and left a voice mail asking if she I and the other person can arrange to meet at the stable this weekend and rework the schedules now that there are more horses and people involved in our scheduling and holidays coming up and whatnot. I explained that I do not have the other person's number so if she could ask her to come too, that would be great. I am also working out a proposed schedule to bring with me to start off with that seems fair and equal. They each have two horses and I have one, but the other person has yet ANOTHER person taking care of her other horse as it is stalled on the other end of our stable. (I'm starting to think this woman likes to try to shrug off her horses on other people but I'll keep that to myself). Not sure if she wants us to just help with the rescue or both her horses, I don't know. But I think proposing a new schedule would be the best way to start.


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## catsandhorses (Aug 6, 2011)

Cinnys Whinny said:


> *What I need is how to start to approach her about this.* I know I'm getting the raw end. *How do I begin the conversation? I'm not very good with words in person and tend to **** people off because I just don't know how to talk to people in person. I need to know how you guys would approach it, that is the question here.*
> 
> I did start bringing the other horse in because I didn't want her left in the turn out cold and hungry (it's been under 15 degrees here at night). She is an OTTB rescue that is already sick and lame from improper care by her previous owner and it's not her fault that her care was shoved onto someone else like this. I need to find the words to tell my friend that this isn't fair to me without turning this into a big war, because I don't want it to be a big huge fight, it makes it unpleasant for everyone else at the stable, not just us if we are arguing and fighting and mad at each other.


I don't know if you missed my previous post or if you just didn't like the advice (which is fine - it's ok to disagree).

Again, I would be very matter of fact about this and leave the emotions out of it. To start, "Hi Jane. How are you! Got a minute?... I seem to have taken on some added responsiblity here and I was wondering if you, me and Sue could revisit who is looking after the horses on which days to be certain that we are all equally sharing the workload, and that we are each receiving equal benefits from this arrangement.... Can we start with you reviewing the agreement you made with her because it isn't entirely clear to me what that was and what my involvement is understood to be." 

THen let her explain and go from there. If she says that you have no responsibilities to the other woman's horse then explain that you found the horse was going to be left out in the cold which leads you to wonder whether the other rider does in fact need additional help. Also comment on where your expectation that your friend is looking after your horse on certain days as per your original agreement is no longer being met.

The thing is to be willing to listen and negotiate and don't be afraid to say, "I'd like to find a mutally beneficial solution, however the current arrangements are not working out for me. Would you consider looking after my horse's food and turnout on Tuesday and Thursday if I look after both horses on Monday and Wednesday?"

Again, if they balk at the thought of making things equitable then you 

can either accept the short end of the stick or tell them that you regretfully will no longer be a part of their horse's care. And remember too, that things are not always 100% equal. As long as everyone is happy, that is all that matters in the end.

As a side note, you might want to look in to Toastmasters as a way to help with your communication skills. It is an excellent club!


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## Beauseant (Oct 22, 2010)

Cinnys Whinny said:


> Thanks guys. I called my friend and left a voice mail asking if she I and the other person can arrange to meet at the stable this weekend and rework the schedules now that there are more horses and people involved in our scheduling and holidays coming up and whatnot. I explained that I do not have the other person's number so if she could ask her to come too, that would be great. I am also working out a proposed schedule to bring with me to start off with that seems fair and equal. They each have two horses and I have one, but the other person has yet ANOTHER person taking care of her other horse as it is stalled on the other end of our stable. (I'm starting to think this woman likes to try to shrug off her horses on other people but I'll keep that to myself). Not sure if she wants us to just help with the rescue or both her horses, I don't know. But I think proposing a new schedule would be the best way to start.


 
Sounds great!! Just remember to stick to your guns!! DO not let them browbeat you into accepting anything other than equitable and fair care and treatment of Cinny!!!!You will not only be standing up for yourself, but even more so...for your HORSE!!!


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Cinnys Whinny said:


> Thanks guys. I called my friend and left a voice mail asking if she I and the other person can arrange to meet at the stable this weekend and rework the schedules now that there are more horses and people involved in our scheduling and holidays coming up and whatnot.


Excellent way to start. Be sure to stress though that even after the holidays, the schedule needs to stick.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

I have also worked out a back up plan, in case things don't go well. The BO is willing to take care of Cin the 2 days that I absolutely can't get down there and turn out in the mornings when he does the full serve horses, for just a smidge extra board. I can put this plan into effect if it looks like it's not going to work out with my friend anymore. He does do full serve too, but he buys the hay and bedding and frankly I don't like his hay, don't like his bedding (he uses heat fuel pellets) and I don't like the guy he has doing it so it's not really an option for me worth doing every day.


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## ptvintage (Feb 12, 2010)

Sounds like you have a good start. I didn't see it specifically mentioned, so thought you are trying to stay polite, I'd also highly suggest that you mention Cinny hasn't been getting turned out and you aren't happy about that, and make sure they realize that is a problem. There's no reason for you not to let them know you aren't happy. You paid for the service with your labor, so you should get the service. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and you want them to know that you will not tolerate them not holding up their end of the bargain. 

Be an assertive leader, and they will respect you for it.


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## robohog (Nov 24, 2011)

A meeting is a very good idea. hopefully i can attend. Believe it or not i can be a very good negotiator if needed lol. For those of you that say she should go in there "guns-a-blazin" is not very good advice in this situation. These particular women need to be handled delicately. One of her friends involved is a semi-powerful politician and the other is a barn owner favorite. both whom you would want to keep as friends in case "a favor" is needed. We could swing a full care situation but i dont think its needed at this time. Things were working ok till this 3rd wheel got involved.


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## ptvintage (Feb 12, 2010)

I'm not saying that she should go in "guns-a-blazin". No matter who these people are, she needs to stand up for herself and let them know she is not happy with not getting the service she paid for. It sounds a little like you guys are intimidated by them - Don't think of it like high school where you don't want to offend the popular kids for fear of retaliation. At least one of these ladies knows the complete arrangement, and she needs to communicate it fully to everyone involved. 

The meeting is for clarification, not to yell and scream. 

For example, if I was in this situation.

"The Meeting"
Friend 1 - Hi
Me - Hello. My horse was supposed to be turned out on x days. The horse did not get turned out. Additionally, what's the deal with friend 2's horses? Am I supposed to be taking care of them as well? 
Friend 1 - Oh whoops! I'll let friend 2 know. Yes, please take care of friend 2's horses.
Me - Okay, but what days are you taking, and what is friend two taking? Because doing additional horses increases my workload, and it's only fair we all pitch in.
Friend 1 - oh... well. here's what we will do: blah blah blah.

Basically, this is a business arrangement. Don't think of it as being nice to friends first, because that's how you'll get taken advantage of. Think of yourself as the client paying for these services with your labor, and if they are not providing what they promised, they need to be fired. 

You guys won't automatically end up enemies just because you can't agree on days. But don't let them take advantage of you, because you are setting yourself up for them to continue to take advantage of you. It's just like training an animal - let it get away with something, and it has no incentive to stop the behavior. 

What would you think the politician is going to do to you? You're not doing anything illegal or bad or even mean. And if he's worth anything, if his lady comes to him complaining that someone at the barn wants her to stick with her promise to exchange services, he'll tell her she should stand by obligations.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I wouldn't bring up that you are not happy like many posters have said. Just state what you need (horse needs turned out on what days, ect.)and what you can give in return. Words like I am not happy are negetive and can rub people the wrong way.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

so did the meeting happen yet!!! i would like hear the update if possible. very curious  hope it works out


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

robohog said:


> A meeting is a very good idea. hopefully i can attend. Believe it or not i can be a very good negotiator if needed lol. For those of you that say she should go in there "guns-a-blazin" is not very good advice in this situation. These particular women need to be handled delicately. One of her friends involved is a semi-powerful politician and the other is a barn owner favorite. both whom you would want to keep as friends in case "a favor" is needed. We could swing a full care situation but i dont think its needed at this time. Things were working ok till this 3rd wheel got involved.


Sorry - Cinny is just as important as the semi-powerful politician and the barn owner favorite. While I agree guns blazing is not the way to go, I don't think any special care should be taken to insure the others feelings aren't ruffled.


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## InStyle (Nov 14, 2011)

What's happened? Has the meeting gone down ? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

You never mention why the 3rd person was not turning Cinny out. Was it just a misunderstanding?


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

Baby has had pneumonia for a week and then I was in ER last night. Meeting postponed.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

oh i am sorry to hear hope everyone feels better soon


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

We finally talked and got everything worked out. I won't be doing any added work but Cinny will be getting his turn out several days a week. Not every day, but that's okay with me. It looks like when the weather is nice enough for the others to get out, he will most likely get out too.


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## Beauseant (Oct 22, 2010)

Hmmm...most likely, you say?? But how will you know for sure?? What if they just don't turn him out but say they did? do you go out each night so that you will know if they turned him out or not?

Just curious: you say he won't get out every day, but that is ok with you...so i wanted to ask, do the other horses get out every day the weather permits? Or will it just be Cinny who won't be getting out every day?

Just a tad confused.:?


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

I go a min of 4 afternoons a week and my friend takes care of making sure Cin is fed the other three. When I go he is usually already in the turnout when I get there. Today he was playing with buds when I got there. I'm sure it will be fine. I'm on really good terms with the BO and he usually will tell me if Cin isn't getting out.


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## QOS (Dec 8, 2008)

Glad it seems to be working out for you.


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