# PTSD After a fall, anyone else?



## SpoiledMaxsMinion

Hi,

I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right area or not but here goes. This summer I took a pretty bad fall from the horse I have, prior to the fall, called the horse of my lifetime. Since the fall I have been to see him 3 times, it's been 4 months. My traumatic brain injury doctor keeps telling me my resistance is a form of PTSD and he can refer me to a therapist to work through it. The thing is, I don't think I'm afraid to get back on. I don't remember the fall at all (or the 3 days after) It's more like I'm really mad and betrayed by him. I even get annoyed by facebook posts about horses and how wonderful they are. I've fallen before, a lot, I'm 36 and have been riding my entire life, of course I've fallen and been injured, broken bones, bruises, back problems, the usual. But I've always been able to laugh it off before and jump back on, usually before my doctors say I can. 

My mom offered to let me ride her rock solid unflappable trail trial horse tomorrow and I have taken her up on it. I guess we'll see if some component of this is fear related. 

If it's not fear I don't know what I'm going to do. I have 2 wonderful horses that I want nothing to do with. I had started to sell them about a month ago but my husband, of all people, stopped me and said he didn't want me to regret making a decision when i was try to cope with the trauma. Go figure, I thought he'd start complaining anytime now about spending money on horses I won't see. And my mom has been wonderful to care for them in my absence, but I still feel like it's stupid to keep them. 

Has anyone else gone through this? I feel torn between the desire to get out of horses and confusion of suddenly resenting something that's been an all consuming part of my life until July 27, 2013. 

Any suggestions out there? 

Thanks for listening.


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## Incitatus32

I had a similar (but not quite so severe) experience when I was about ten. I was cantering my mare (who's literally bombproof) and she bucked and I fell off of her headfirst in front of her. Even though I got back on and wasn't scared I was terrified to canter any horse. For a while I debated about getting out of horses. My instructor got wind of this and probably did the smartest thing for me: she made me get on a horse and canter until it wasn't a big deal anymore. 

For probably about a month the only thing I did was canter. No walk/trot work, nothing but sit on either my mare or her horse and canter for 1 straight hour. In hindsight it was probably like immersion therapy. I would go take your mom up on her offer. In my experience you'll know if you really want to quit when you start pushing the fear you have past the brink. I would just get on the horse as many times to see if that pushes your fear back or if you really have lost the interest in horses. Neither one is a bad outcome. 

I wish you luck!


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## Sharpie

Having a TBI is not a small thing, and a fair share of fear, anger, betrayal, hurt, etc are all normal and par for the course. How it works out in the end is up to you, and if you decide to get out of horses, that is a valid decision. Getting back into horses is a valid option too. It does sound like this fall really shook up your world, on a conscious or subconscious level if it has changed your life so dramatically from before to after. Just because of that, I might recommend taking your doc up on the offer to chat with a therapist about it. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but just because it might be helpful to shed some light on what's going on and have someone with a bit more experience to use as a sounding board.

I had a concussion and lost a day last April when my guy bucked me off at a canter and I did a fine impersonation of a lawn-dart. Took me over a week to feel normal and not fuzzy, sleepy, or confused. Took much longer than that to saddle up without fear. And my guy wasn't being 'bad' per se when he about killed me, we figure that just like the stereotype, he got bit/stung by something as he kept bucking long after. And this from a horse that had never, in two years, even humped up under a rider! Things happen, they leave their marks (physical, mental, emotional) and you just have to decide the ultimate question, "Where do I go from here?" Thinking good thoughts for you, whatever you decide.


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## Bellasmom

Make yourself ride, even if you don't enjoy it. Either it will help you recapture the pleasure you USED to find or it will make you feel better about giving up on riding.


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## wdblevin

I had a similar experience to that of Sharpie, but only 'lost' about 4 hours of my life. I, too, was instructed to stay home from work for a week.

<I did get back up on our horse after the fall, but was guided off by friends who realized that something was seriously wrong when I was very obviously not able respond appropriately to anything said to me.>

When in the ER, my husband was told by the nurses and doctors that it was possible I would have flashbacks to what happened leading up to the fall. I was instructed to do a follow-up visit to my Internist a week later and did so. He told me that once I recovered from the various aches/pains from the fall and had no complications, that he would say it would be okay to go back to riding in about another two weeks. 

I wasn't fearful of my horse, but I did have a lot of concerns about cantering. My trainer worked with me slowly to build up my confidence to canter again. For about a year, initially I found that when riding (regardless of W/T/C), I would get anxious at least one time per week and then those would occur less and less frequently. In the last two years, I'd say that I've had similar feelings about 3 times... It has been over 8 years since my concussion.

SpoiledMaxsMinion, good luck with whatever decision you make.


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## 4horses

I got kicked in the knee by my mare- hard enough I thought I had broken it. If she had hit my knee directly she probably would have. 

She was actually kicking at my other horse and got me instead- bf came out with a bag of fast food when I was standing in between the horses. Guess he didn't listen to my safety lessons- don't stand between horses when someone has food! If I had known he had food it would have been a different story. 

I was very angry with my mare. I didn't want to look at her and told my parents I was selling her. The next day I went out and chased her around the round pen for a half hour. Only after that did I start feeling better, as she was begging to come in and be friends again. 

It felt like a major betrayal as I had always trusted her to never kick me. Before I bought her, the kids at the barn would crawl under her belly (not safe), but that is how much her last owner trusted her. 

Even with the safest horse, accidents happen. I really doubt she was trying to kick me. Usually she kicks at other horses from 10 feet away. I've never even seen her make contact with another horse. She is a very nice boss mare, as she keeps everyone in line without fights.


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## tinyliny

4horses said:


> I got kicked in the knee by my mare- hard enough I thought I had broken it. If she had hit my knee directly she probably would have.
> 
> She was actually kicking at my other horse and got me instead- bf came out with a bag of fast food when I was standing in between the horses. Guess he didn't listen to my safety lessons- don't stand between horses when someone has food! If I had known he had food it would have been a different story.
> 
> I was very angry with my mare. I didn't want to look at her and told my parents I was selling her. * The next day I went out and chased her around the round pen for a half hour. Only after that did I start feeling better, as she was begging to come in and be friends again. *
> 
> It felt like a major betrayal as I had always trusted her to never kick me. Before I bought her, the kids at the barn would crawl under her belly (not safe), but that is how much her last owner trusted her.
> 
> Even with the safest horse, accidents happen. I really doubt she was trying to kick me. Usually she kicks at other horses from 10 feet away. I've never even seen her make contact with another horse. She is a very nice boss mare, as she keeps everyone in line without fights.


\

think your mare put two and two together and figured out why you chased her around?


as for riding only a week or two after a head injury severe enough to "lose" a day, let alone several hours, it is not advisable. when your brain gets shaken around , and is bruised, is is much more vulnerable to a second bruising. Concussion means you are supposed to take a good , long break from anything that might have any likelihood of re-bruising your brain, because in succession, the result is much worse than if you have a long time elapse between two "shakings".

I cannot give any advice for how you might get over the fear and bad feelings. I have never had such a bad experience with a fall, though I've fallen many times. the one thing that has always helped me overcome fear is to help another person, who is more fearful than me.
is there a way you can ride out with someone, or give lessons to, someone who is timid, and you can help them overcome their fears?


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## Saddlebag

I am going to suggest you take a comfy chair and just sit with your horse. Your horse knows you and will likely appreciate your company. Ask nothing of the horse, just be there. Make yourself spend 30 min with him. Tell him what you've been going thro. That in itself could put you on the road to healing.


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## DimSum

SpoiledMaxsMinion said:


> Hi,
> 
> .. Since the fall I have been to see him 3 times, it's been 4 months. My traumatic brain injury doctor keeps telling me my resistance is a form of PTSD and he can refer me to a therapist to work through it.


So sorry you had this happen to you. Don't be too quick to dismiss the idea of having a pro help you work through this experience. Sometimes having a detached person to talk to can help you to focus your own thoughts and feelings.


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## Zexious

Wow, that really bites... 

I would suggest taking things slow. Get back up on a horse. Let yourself start to enjoy it again.


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## xxBarry Godden

SMM. I suggest that if you have not already done so that you read up on PTSD - or what I might call Post Traumatic Fall Disorder. I believe that if you have had a fall which leads to unconsciousness that you need to take a session or two with a psychiatrist so as to better understand the problem you are dealing with. Then maybe you have a better chance of getting back into full rider fitness.

As a rider, you depend on that part of your brain which responds to situations ie if you hold your head over the gas hob on a cooker - it is the bit of the brain which takes over and quickly removes your hand from the source of heat. By the time your conscious brain comes to realise that your hand is burning - the sub conscious brain has taken over.
Speech comes from a similar area of the brain - in many scenarios you'll have expressed a few words which came out instantly and automatically before you had even thought of a response. "Ouch!" for example

When you are injured, that sub conscious brain says to itself: "Oi, this riding game is dangerous" and it will cause your body mechanisms to tense up ready for another shock to the body. Tension is of course an enemy of horse riding. Your posture will be wrong, you'll be holding the reins too tightly and you'll be nervous. The horse will quickly pick up on your tension and it will itself get a little worried as to why you are tense - because there might be a reason which the horse itself should know about. 
But an Alexander therapist can teach you relaxation techniques.

There is also another issue of your loss of muscular fitness to ride. People like to think physical fitness is not an issue in riding - but it is a very important issue. You need full use of the centre core muscles to ride - ask any practitioner of Pilates. Probably you will have to rebuild your muscular fitness.

Now, as far as whether you can get back on and gallop off into the sunset - then I would say, from personal experience, that you will not without help. And I would be cautious as to which horse I might use to try riding on for the first few weeks. You need to try when under instruction and on a school master dobbin of a horse. 

Overall you need to plan a schedule of rehabilitation and follow it.

But there is one encouragement for you - the alternative could involve your giving up you horse(s). It is OK for other riders to say - "Oh, I just mounted up and rode off" but maybe their circumstances were different from yours.

You might with time get back to where you were with riding but you'll need to be patient.

As for your own horse - well, there's ground work ie lunging, 
there is Monty Roberts type schooling, 
there's the idea of putting the horse out to pasture for a few months,
there's lending your horse to a sympathetic rider.

I wish you well. If at the age of 70 I made it back, then so can you,

Barry G


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