# My trainer is so mean! I'm scared to be in the arena with her!



## DancingArabian

My advice is: find a new trainer

Why are you paying someone to abuse you? I'm not seeing why you are not sure about what to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Woah.... get a new trainer now.

No trainer can make you do anything. She can intimidate you to do something but she has no power to throw you out unless she actually owns the place. And if she does, then you need to find another place.


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## LoveIsTheAnswer

DancingArabian said:


> My advice is: find a new trainer
> 
> Why are you paying someone to abuse you? I'm not seeing why you are not sure about what to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She is the closet in my area and the cheapest. My parents usually pay for the board, lessons, etc and drive me there and back. I wish we could...


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## LoveIsTheAnswer

Skyseternalangel said:


> Woah.... get a new trainer now.
> 
> No trainer can make you do anything. She can intimidate you to do something but she has no power to throw you out unless she actually owns the place. And if she does, then you need to find another place.


She does own the place.  And she is the cheapest and closet to me.


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## DancingArabian

There's nothing we can say. She sounds unprofessional and abusive. Nothing we can say or do will make that better or different than what it is. Talk to your parents. If they can't afford the cost of another trainer see if you can work it off at another barn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GamingGrrl

I think at this point you'd be better off going without a trainer, if this one is your only option.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hayneigh

Is that the only trainer at the barn? My barn had a bunch of instructors and trainers. But that's because it's pretty big. I would suggest maybe try talking to her about how you feel, get a new trainer, or switch barns. She shouldn't treat you like this and don't be afraid to speak up. You have rights too!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6gun Kid

you get what you pay for. and close and cheap is getting you, your horse, and your family insulted. I don't care who or how much I pay someone to train, nobody would insult my child, period!


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## Bagheera

Just because this is the only one close by doesn't mean it really is the only one close by. There are lots of super small, private barns, that do not advertise that they offer boarding. If I were you, I'd start asking around for places like this. Also, not all trainers are based out of a big stable. Many trainers travel from barn to barn, teaching lessons. Many times, these trainers are just as qualified, if not more successful than big barn trainers. I think it's time to start looking around.


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## palogal

You need to talk to your parents.


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## 6gun Kid

Bagheera said:


> . I think it's time to start looking around.


 Feed stores & vet's offices are good places to start


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## kitten_Val

First of all as long as lessons are not fun anymore (and by that I mean enjoyable while still can be hard work) then it's time to look for a different trainer. If other trainers are expensive you are much better to go with fewer lessons while you learn and enjoy. 

You can't do much here, because the person will unlike to change her attitude and teaching approach. Just ask around, try to find someone else.


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## Corporal

I don't know how old you are but I'm thinking you're under 20yo. 
First, YOU are the customer and don't need to be paying for insults. There are PLENTY of good teachers out there who would be happy to be nice to you while you learn.
Second, if you STAY with this one, be warned that there are bad boyfriends and bad girlfriends who mistreat the one they are with *only as long as that person lets it happen*.
You are _letting_ this person treat you like this.
When I taught riding I didn't treat my customers like this. Even when I was pushing a student through a problem, I didn't believe in berating.
George Morris doesn't abuse people when he coaches, and he's got the years and the name to justify it.


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## palogal

If her parents are paying the bills I'm thinking teenager.
You really need to tell your parents what's going on and come up with a solution.


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## Clayton Taffy

6gun Kid said:


> you get what you pay for. and close and cheap is getting you, your horse, and your family insulted. I don't care who or how much I pay someone to train, nobody would insult my child, period!


I don't care who or how much I pay someone to train, nobody would insult my parents, period!


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## dressagebelle

I'm surprised if she's really insulting your parents as well, that they are still having you take lessons from the lady. She sounds like a horrible trainer, and really shouldn't be teaching people. I would ask around, look for references for a different trainer, sometimes you can get good for cheaper, but in this case, I think spending a little more and having a good trainer who actually helps you would be well worth it. I'm sorry you are going through this, but its way past time to leave.


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## texasgal

.... and your parents allow this?? *sad*


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## Boo Walker

OMG!! You (or your parents) are PAYING someone to yell at you and belittle you!!!!!
Heck, come over to my house, I'll do it for half of what you're currently being charged.

You are the consumer - period. If you don't like the service you are getting, shop for another. It doesn't matter if the person schooled Sleipnir himself! There is no excuse for bad behavior. She may even be bullying you in hopes that you WILL leave; the fact that you've stayed around over a year just sends the message that it's ok to treat you like that. Stop reinforcing her bad behavior and move on to happier grounds. There are TONS of qualified people out there who are most likely a much better fit than this barn witch!


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## DiamondK

I went through the same thing with my past trainer. He was a great guy when I was off the horse (mainly to schmooze me to keep coming back for more), but when I was riding my horse he treated me like utter crap. Then would tell me, "You haven't spent enough money with me yet for me to give you the whole picture and pieces of the puzzle", well in any disapline, you need all the pieces to get the job done correctly. I took the abuse for a little bit, thinking maybe I was just in a learning curve, and wasn't understanding all the material that was being flung my way..., but, it just kept getting worse.

The best advice I could give you is to leave. Since my ordeal I've actually put my reining equipment and dreams up for a little while, because the whole situation really 'soured' me for lack of a better term. You need to enjoy what you and your horse are trying to accomplish. If you aren't then it's just not a good situation all around for you and your horse, and you are just encouraging your trainer to stay the same by continuing to go and pay.


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## Cacowgirl

So, if I'm reading this correctly-the trainer is the barn owner? But you own your own horse? Is taking lessons required to board there? Can you just ride your horse on your own for awhile and maybe take a break from taking lessons for awhile? Or maybe you don't go out trail riding? I know I wouldn't pay anybody to treat me like that.


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## TheAQHAGirl

Wow, thats terrible.

Are you allowed to have other trainers come and train you, rather than have the BO/trainer give lessons?

If not, then I would leave, and tell her why. Don't be walking around the bush for this one, tell her exactly why you're leaving. Or you could confront her about her yelling and saying that your a bad rider, ask her if she can stop and if she doesn't then leave.


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## mangomelon

There's a trainer who always yells and belittles students at my barn. I took lessons with her for awhile because I really wanted to learn to jump. The only fun lessons I had were a) when I didn't fall off because her horse bucked me off and b) when I was taking a group lesson with this other kid who, while sweet, was a worse rider than me and she would yell at him the whole time instead of me. Whenever he was gone, I was the one who got yelled at. Finally I got mad enough I told her flat out what I thought about her and her teaching and now no one else at the barn will let me ride their horse, I'm totally ignored by half the barn and she still tells me I'm abusive in front of her students (to make herself sound smart I would assume...). She knows she can't tell a horses face from it's butt and when I called her out on it, she made my life miserable but instead of staying miserable I found a new trainer and now my horse behaves better than hers ever did and I'm a little bit happy about that.... I feel like I won that battle and we both know it. She leaves me alone now. At least she doesn't bully me anymore 
Just don't let your trainer treat you that way. There is no reason for yelling and bullying simply because someone doesn't understand something all the way.


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## updownrider

Corporal said:


> George Morris doesn't abuse people when he coaches, and he's got the years and the name to justify it.


You must not know George. He has mellowed in recent years, but George is absolutely known for insulting and berating riders.


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## Corporal

The riders he berates are looking for National titles. The OP is a beginner and doesn't deserve to be belittled by a lesser trainer than George.


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## EqQueen97

Yeah but George rips you down then rebuilds you again. I did a clinic with him and it was so hard. He told me that I was too much of a "fancy" rider but we worked it out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## my2geldings

LoveIsTheAnswer said:


> She insults me, she insults my horse, parents, she says "you're not a good rider, so you should stop wasting my time." I understand that my position is bad and stuff, but when I first started with her, I told her "In the lessons I took with my previous instructor she usually had me do courses around 2'3" or lower." Then she stuck me in a group with four other people and made me jump a gymnastic (with three jumps going down a hill, something I have no experience doing) that was I don't know maybe 3'5". I really don't know, but it was maybe quadruple the size I've ever done. Again, she told me that I'm a horrible rider and to stop wasting her time. I was on a thb x arabian. At the end of almost each lessons she always screams at me and my parents. After a year or so when I gotten better, someone was selling a horse and I was in love with her. We tried her out and she was really good. So, I told my instructor and she told me parents if we buy the horse "we need to get off her property or she will throw us off." Later on, I bought a 15hh qh which she hated. She told me things like "this isn't a horse, she has no chance of getting over 18" and is a waste of time. She's horrible, don't buy her." I loved her though, so my parents bought her. I'm scared of her and I know she wants to help me, but none of us really like her. No one at my barn does and she's lost alot of clients. She won't let you ride with a different instructor. A girl had only ONE lesson with her and then her mom (her coach) started giving her lessons and my instructor told her to get off her horse and leave. Then, they just left. I know, alot to read, but please!? Any advice or tips would be great!!!!!


Yikes! she is one rude person. I would definitely not be giving her a penny more, and find yourself a different coach.


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## equitate

Troll???


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## SorrelHorse

Wow.

My trainer has brought me to tears before. She pushes you to your limits. She yells if you don't respond with enough intensity. But she's also quick to praise. She'll give you a million compliments. She'll bring things back down to where you can build your confidence. She might yell at you once, or twice, twenty times, but she does it because she truly cares about you and your horse. She's a kind woman who would bend over backwards for you, and you can go to her for anything you need for your horse. She's rough, people leave her because they can't handle the intensity...But the ones she spits out love her and she loves them.

This trainer you're talking about is a fool. You are better off without her.


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## palogal

equitate said:


> Troll???


Yeah I think I smell one.


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## rookie

I just read the first post and I had a similar but not as intense riding instructor. At sixteen she told me "if you ever want a career in horses you need to get serious about your riding and ride more often". This I relayed to my parents. They immediately stopped lessons. I was sixteen riding three days a week, cleaning stalls at the barn and going to a rather intense high school, plus applying to college. My parents had seen a lot of 4H kids who "just want to ride horses for a living" end up burned out, unemployed and stunted. In my family, if you want a career in horses go to vet school, don't think you can be a professional rider or make a living in horses. I can see where my folks are coming from. Honestly, it was a good decision, I worked as a wrangler for a few years and horse are tough business, one that for me is best left as a hobby. 

My advice is stop lessons and change barns. Its not worth it.


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## Weekieshorsies

i'm new to this, but get rid of her, my horse trainer beat up my horses.


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## AlexS

It depends on the person you are, I'd prefer that over someone who is just nice and doesn't tell me what I am doing wrong. 

However as it doesn't work for you, and you are paying her for this service, then ditch her.


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## Msail

I think that an instructor should be a little tough sometimes and they definitely shouldn't baby you, but that is completely ridiculous. 
I went to a barn for ten years and did _everything_ for my trainer. I couldn't afford lessons, so I ended up working for what the lessons were "worth". In the summer (since I'm only a teenager and didn't need a job two years ago) I'd show up at the barn four days a week, clean 4 paddocks in two hours, clean all the water troughs and refill them, clean the stalls, clean the ring (because she kept one of the horses in the ring when it wasn't being used), trim the bushes that were overhanging into the ring, dust the barn, throw the hay down, help the new kids with tacking up and cleaning, clean all the horses (including the sensitive, spooky one that took 45 minutes to catch from the paddock. I swear, the horse came to us naturally sensitive and sweet, and that woman soured him so that he had to be sent back) and then I'd go over to the other barn she was in charge of and do it all over again. I went over to the barn three times a day one week to take a sick horse's temperature while she was away. Does that sound like it covers $60 an hour? 
The only time I got to have quality lessons in which I learned something was when I rode with one of her rich summer clients, a nice but clueless girl that would take up 15 minutes of the hour that I worked so hard for that came around once a week by putting on her half chaps backwards -.-
It was infuriating to me, because this rich girl could just buy more lesson time. I couldn't and there she was giggling at herself as she took another 10 minutes to try and figure out how to put on her own equipment. On the times that I didn't ride with her, the "lessons" were short and basically consisted of me trotting around the ring, occasionally switching direction out of boredom while my trainer did stuff on her phone, almost completely ignoring me. I was essentially just exercising the lesson ponies. 
I left that barn after my friend and I, who again she's known and trusted for _ten_ years screwed up _once_ in our entire time there. My friend sat on the bombproof, 22 year old push-button lesson pony with no tack and helmet while I cleaned the paddock. We were just talking, the pony was standing in the shade, completely uncaring and my trainer's mom pulled in (she lives on the property), saw us, and my trainer called me and _screamed_ for about 6 minutes. I was called a dumbass, an idiot, stupid, who did I think I was, what did I think I was doing, she's going away for a few months and _already _I've screwed up, yadda yadda yadda. Then she called _my_ mother and told her that me and my friend skipped school to go ride the horses bareback. The way she described it made it sound like we took the whole herd out for a gallop with no tack or helmets into the road. Needless to say, it completely shattered my self confidence. I went to school the next day having severe anxiety attacks, I threw up once, and I cried for 6 hours straight all because this woman who I trusted and respected had belittled me in a way that I'd never even experienced. I went back to that barn once to get my stuff and say goodbye to the horse that I'd had an attatchment with and never saw it again. The experience also destroyed my confidence as a rider, now when I occasionally ride, I know I'm horrible. The worst part is, I was only 13... What 13 year old doesn't make mistakes? When my mom found out how this woman had screamed at me (which she failed to tell my mother when she called her), she was very angry and told her that her response was inappropriate. Nobody was even close to hurt, the situation frankly wasn't that dangerous. So I'm surprised that your parents just sit back and take that... 
Lol so the point of this huge long story is, get away from the things that are bad for you. I got away from my trainer and now am _worlds_ happier. There's no way you're going to improve as a rider and as a person with a trainer like that screaming horrible things into your ear. Don't believe any of it. ​


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## BornToRun

LoveIsTheAnswer said:


> She insults me, she insults my horse, parents, she says "you're not a good rider, so you should stop wasting my time." I understand that my position is bad and stuff, but when I first started with her, I told her "In the lessons I took with my previous instructor she usually had me do courses around 2'3" or lower." Then she stuck me in a group with four other people and made me jump a gymnastic (with three jumps going down a hill, something I have no experience doing) that was I don't know maybe 3'5". I really don't know, but it was maybe quadruple the size I've ever done. Again, she told me that I'm a horrible rider and to stop wasting her time. I was on a thb x arabian. At the end of almost each lessons she always screams at me and my parents. After a year or so when I gotten better, someone was selling a horse and I was in love with her. We tried her out and she was really good. So, I told my instructor and she told me parents if we buy the horse "we need to get off her property or she will throw us off." Later on, I bought a 15hh qh which she hated. She told me things like "this isn't a horse, she has no chance of getting over 18" and is a waste of time. She's horrible, don't buy her." I loved her though, so my parents bought her. I'm scared of her and I know she wants to help me, but none of us really like her. No one at my barn does and she's lost alot of clients. She won't let you ride with a different instructor. A girl had only ONE lesson with her and then her mom (her coach) started giving her lessons and my instructor told her to get off her horse and leave. Then, they just left. I know, alot to read, but please!? Any advice or tips would be great!!!!!


This is not a coach. She is not there to help you learn or succeed, she is not there because she enjoys it, she's there for the money, and that's it. She's rude and abusive and in my opinion has no right to be teaching lessons if she really does say the things you said. I would be paying the extra money to take your horse to a different barn, because this awful 'human being' is not worth what you're paying.


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## As You Wish

Get as far away from this horrible person as you can. 

My students seem to really like me. I have one student who sponsors one of my horses. I keep lessons fun and we mix things up. They are always learning something new. If we are working on something and they feel they did not do it to the best of their ability, they insist on doing it again. Even if it was fine, they do it again and I coach them through what they need help on. I don't ever yell at them or the horses. At the end of evey lesson they walk away saying how much fun they had, how much they have learned and can't wait for their next lesson.


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## Msail

^ As You Wish, too bad I can't take lessons from you! lol ​


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## waresbear

It takes special skills to impart knowledge to students in a manner which is helpful, stern and respectful. This "trainer" doesn't have those skills, I don't care how good she is, she is not a teacher.


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## sandy2u1

I get criticism and someone not being babied. The first time someone told me I was wasting their time, though, I'd quit. That is not constructive criticism and I fail to see how it benefits a rider. My money and I would go elsewhere.


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## palogal

Have ya'll noticed the OP has not returned?


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## Foxhunter

I am a tough instructor. I do not ask a pupil to do something but tell them! I demand respect. In certain situations I will shout, especially outside on a windy day. 
However, I do not like anyone ending a lesson on a bad note nor feeling that they are useless or wasting my time. I cannot think of a time when I have said so to a pupil. 
If someone is useless and they're paying me to teach them and I'm not getting them to progress then it is MY fault for not teaching them so they are improving.
Find another instructor to help you and tell this one to stick her head where the sun don't shine.


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## Clava

Find a new instructor.

Instructors are there to impart knowledge and should never be rude or bully or even be touch with you, you are paying for their help and services. I have a wonderful instructor that makes me work so hard that my legs and whole body are jelly at the end of it, but she is always gentle, polite and most importantly, inspiring and encouraging.


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## speedy da fish

Please get a new trainer now! Riding should be about fun... Not stressing over abuse you get from your trainer. Good trainers should accept the fact that the riders they teach are not going to be perfect! It is her job to help you make improvements, not criticise your flaws. I am not surprised that she is losing a lot of clients... and maybe she should lose one more 

It seems like she is losing interest in her job and is taking it out on her clients (I have experienced something similar). Do not that attitude influence your love of horses and riding...

So again, change trainer! x


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## Doodlesweaver

Honey, I think you need to move on. I know of a trainer that is also a kinder, milder version of what you mentioned and I pulled my daughter out. The way I looked it was this: am I training her to be a world class equestrian - if yes, I need to be willing to move to another trainer in another state or another country even to get my daughter the proper positive training she needs. If no, (and I'm not training her to be a world class equestrian), I needed to get clear in my head what the horses are for. I spend a fortune on horses for myself, too, but mostly for her and I'll tell you why. To keep her mentally healthy, teach her leadership, self-discipline, a sense of mastery, self-esteem, compassion, responsibility and confidence. To keep her away from boys and drugs, too. If that trainer does not teach her those things, or worse, tears her down, then that trainer is damaging my real investment - my child, her education, her future career, her ability to interact with other people, etc. I don't care if that trainer is George Morris and you're getting your lessons for free and all you have to do is roll out of bed in the morning and you're at the barn. You need to move on.


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## Muppetgirl

'The only way to beat a tyrant, is to outlast them'.......and I've outlasted a few:wink:


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## my2geldings

Muppetgirl said:


> 'The only way to beat a tyrant, is to outlast them'.......and I've outlasted a few:wink:


....was that done with or without drinking? :happydance:


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## Muppetgirl

My2Geldings said:


> ....was that done with or without drinking? :happydance:


Both:wink:


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## michibichi

Find a new trainer immediately.


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## WhiteHorse

You should get a new trainer that treats you correctly. You don't deserve her attitude because she should know that no one is perfect... not even her.


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## Nokotaheaven

Someone who insults you, your horse, your parents, makes you do something you're not used to knowing you've never done anything like it before, hates horses you look at, tells you one won't live past 18, does not want to help you... Or your horse for that matter.
You should leave there as soon as possible. Personally I would never let someone like that near me or my horse


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## Zexious

I've been riding for fourteen years, and have definitely had my experience with some brash trainers. I've met ones that yell, get frustrated, and ones that don't do either, but that I simply don't get along with. I think it's fairly common in the horse world (particularly with the english disciplines?)

That said, blatantly insulting you is out of line, and disrespectful. You are her client, and need to be treated as such. 
More than that, having you jump higher than you are ready is downright dangerous. I would suggest finding a new barn, or this woman could break your desire to ride. It's only a matter of time before you don't find it fun anymore.


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## frlsgirl

Finding the "right" instructor can be challenging. Some will build you up to the point that you think you are better than you are and others just tear you up. Neither one is a good choice. It's best to find a happy medium. 

My first English instructor just told me how great she thought my riding was and would say "that girl can sit the trot like a Grand Prix rider"...so I switched to a real Dressage Instructor after my English Instructor recommended me to her and guess what? 

According to my new trainer, I have a chair seat, and I'm so unbalanced that I could potentially make her horse go lame if I rode every day. Yes she says mean things and but also compliments me when I do something well. She doesn't yell but she has a bit of a dramatic flare. 

I've noticed that though about a lot of horse trainers. They all seem to have a bit of a rough edge. Some worse than others. Yours is definetely on the abusive side and not worth your time.


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## Nokotaheaven

Honestly from the way you describe her, she ssounds a LOT like Val Stanton from Heartland...


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## HorseloveAlways

I say the exact same thing as everybody else does. You have to find another trainer! You really do!!

Back when I was about 16 years old, I had a trainer who behaved the exact same way as your trainer behaves towards you. He pulled my self esteem so far down that I stopped riding entirely for years. I am 30 years old now and it's only a few years ago that I got back up on the horses again. 

Let me tell you something. You truly don't need her at all!! If that's how she teaches you, through talking to you in this nasty way as she does, she's teaching you only to stop trusting and stop believing in yourself as a rider and nothing else. Also what she tells me is that is a bad trainer, who does not understand the art of plain, ordinary, simple communication. 

I dont know how old you are, or your situation or how you are as a rider. I dont know anything about you, but I truly do not wish for you or anybody else to experience what I experienced. Being pulled down to level 0 in my believe in myself as a rider. You do not need that and you do not deserve that either. No body does. SO, do yourself the favor and look for another trainer and one who knows how to speak properly to his/her students.


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