# Question about how to handle a boarder...



## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

I'd sit down and just explain the situation. Make an emphasis on the good points and try to keep it as a friendly request as opposed to an argument. Say I over heard xxx and just so you know there is also xxx info to consider and now she is leaving (I would also ask the leaving boarder EXACTLY why and try to win her over if it's simply due to that conversation). Come to me if you have a concern but otherwise let me handle it. Just explain why it's a problem when she takes matters into her own hands even if she has the best intentions. If someone is new they take things VERY exactly.

Obviously helpful advice is good but when it starts making you look bad.. :/

I've dealt with a few people like this (worse- they did not mean well!) and it's very unpleasant. As this lady is a good boarder and sounds like she has the best intentions a simple friendly conversation is a good starting point.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Yogiwick said:


> I'd sit down and just explain the situation. Make an emphasis on the good points and try to keep it as a friendly request as opposed to an argument. Say I over heard xxx and just so you know there is also xxx info to consider and now she is leaving (I would also ask the leaving boarder EXACTLY why and try to win her over if it's simply due to that conversation). Come to me if you have a concern but otherwise let me handle it. Just explain why it's a problem when she takes matters into her own hands even if she has the best intentions. If someone is new they take things VERY exactly.
> 
> Obviously helpful advice is good but when it starts making you look bad.. :/
> 
> I've dealt with a few people like this (worse- they did not mean well!) and it's very unpleasant. As this lady is a good boarder and sounds like she has the best intentions a simple friendly conversation is a good starting point.


What Yogi said. Unless it happens again, at which point, I'd have 2 boarders leaving.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

I would speak to the person leaving, explain the care required for a horse with heaves. 
I would also speak to the person who is taking out other peoples horses , and telling the others how to care for their horses. 
I would be friendly , to a point. I would make it perfectly clear, that she is to never to take out any other horse than her own. 
I would make it clear if she has a question on your feeding programs she is to discuss things with you. I would also tell her, that the horse that is leaving because of her , cost you $ loss, and could jeopardize that horses health.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

I too would be speaking with the boarder who is pulling out.
Explain that her horse with heaves needs special care and consideration to maintain her and not progress her disease rapidly. Educate her so she can know what to look for, signs and symptoms of progression and how to actively maintain and help her horse.
But make sure she understands this is a progressive disease and will get worse no matter what is done with time... 
Indeed, do ask her exactly why she is leaving...and give her the option of returning {if she was a good boarder and one you would want back} when or if she finds her horse not doing well elsewhere.

As for the "mouth".....:frown:
_YOU heard her speaking to this boarder, giving advice {wrong advice}...no hearsay?_
I would also be speaking with her about her attitude. And yes, she has a attitude.
If she has a issue with a horse, _before_ touching,_ before_ making comment to the owner or anyone she is to come to you. Maybe it is something happening you are unaware of or maybe it is something you are fully aware of and have already addressed the situation. Either way, she comes to you first before approaching anyone or touching a privately owned animal again.
I would "tactfully" tell her she does_ not_ know all, is actually unaware of all that happens in your barn and business and if she ever proceeds to "share her wisdom" that costs you a boarder or grief again she will be out in 24 hours, period.
You don't need turmoil and you don't need someone thinking they know more than the vet does who already had working knowledge of a situation such as that COPD horse. Her "knowledge" or lack of it could hurt that horse and their health outcome.
_I *don't *have much tact nor patience for someone such as that one_....one slip of the tongue, one attitude given and she would be gone. Her now being spoken with already has her on notice of one foot out the door and the other can follow at any time.
Lastly, sometimes it is better to put out the garbage before it turns sour...._in other words..._
Sometimes the loss of a boarder such as "the mouth" is better than a clearing out of many because they hear disgruntled words from another about care lacking or what is perceived as incorrect care.
You claim she is a great boarder..._*not*_ from my viewpoint. 
If she is doling out advice and is truly not knowledgeable she is a liability. 
The initials... MYOB are fitting in this case. {mind your own business}
The clueless can cause great havoc with words dropped on others....
I would stop the bleed before it begins....OUT!
:runninghorse2:...
_jmo...u_


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

I will be there with the vet today and I will make sure to engage him in detailed description for the horses care. I did talk to her and said that what I am doing is correct for her advised care, I am sorry she feels as she does and that she wont wait for the vet to confirm this, but if she finds her care not adequate at this new place then she is welcome back. As any BO knows -you come to care for your barn babies and her health has been a pet project for me...so naturally I am working at not taking it personally. Boarders come and go -I know this. I did tell her flat out that the advice the other boarder had given her is entirely wrong and to remember that there are a million opinions from all different horse people and listening to them all is like googling a symptom and thinking you have cancer. The horse is not in duress and her care is being followed by what was advised by a vet. The fact that she lost weight and is dropping grain out of her mouth is out of my control, but I assessed her, advised to get her teeth done and suggested supplements until the vet I took the time to book for her, comes out. Its snowing and -30 here today, but ill be there every second as I want to hear what he says

As for the Mouth lol -I am starting to think I need to talk to her. I did hear her say it -I chose not to address her saying it at the time as I didn't really think the other boarder would leave because anyone with knowledge would know that was a load of bull....my mistake there. But the Mouth did tell me she thinks she should be turned out and blah blah. I disagreed and said Heaves is a special case and certain care is required. She did lose some weight and that is being put back on, but turning her out on a round bale is about the worst decision you can make for a horse. The situation with her pulling out horses has been such that she has gotten herself providing farrier services to a large group of my boarders. I dont require that my boarders use my farrier so they can use whomever they choose ...she is not a certified farrier but she is in training under one and does an okay job on barefoot trims. This is fine with me, I know she does a satisfactory job and I certainly wont profess to know more on barefoot hoof trims than her, but I think that with her farrier knowledge that she believes she knows more than she does on general horse care -which is an entirely different world...some correlations yes, but being versed in one doesn't make you an expert in the other. 

If I find anything happening again I will immediately give her a warning. I appreciate all the advice, I try to keep a balance but where there is smoke there is fire and so I definitely need to keep an eye on this.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Being a "apprentice" hoof trimmer does not make her a vet.
She does not have a shingle of any kind to hang out and blow in the wind, actually.

If my barn, she would be told..._enough._
You are playing "farrier" and that is fine but stepping over the line to advising care and vet advice is a no-no.
Stepping on my toes is also a no-no.
Farriers travel and so would she be traveling to her "clients"..... :wave:
If that emptied my barn...so be it.
_Yes, I'm pig-headed that way..._ :loveshower:
:runninghorse2:


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

I'd make it clear that unless she has specific permission AT THAT TIME to take the horse out then she is not allowed to.

It wouldn't hurt to require her to right down her trimming schedule so you are aware.

One of the people I spoke of above was the main trainer for her barn. It was to the point that multiple times a day she would be walking around to "check on" random horses and find some absurd "problem" that then became a huge uproar. All very dramatic and unpleasant. As I said this lady seems to have good intentions, but nip it in the bud now!

I would not be harsh with her (unless she continues) but would be clear cut.

After all talking about horses is something all horse people do, but the casting doubt on you? Not ok. And taking out someone elses horse, not ok, I don't care if she trims is. It would be like me pulling in to find my farrier lunging my horse with no warning, weird!


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

Well as expected -the vet was pleased with her weight. Boarder was "oh she looks great today!!" like there was some drastic change since yesterday afternoon lol but at least whether she will acknowledge it or not she heard it from a professional that her weight is just fine...I did ask that he give detailed care so she knows what to tell her new ban...it is pretty much exactly what we are doing aside from a vitamin in her feed. 

She is still going to her new place I assume as she hasn't said otherwise -but I feel better knowing that I can stand behind my care. It always helps to hear it.

In the meantime I am just going to feel out the other boarder and the next time she does something that puts me in question, if she is so bold again, I will give her a warning. I know she does not want to leave her because we are about the only place around with the trails that we do so close to tow so she will not want to jeopardize her boarding. I think it can be handled reasonably. If she argues it and says she is in the right -well then she can pack her bags, but Ill give it a shot to work first.

Thanks everyone!!


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## jgnmoose (May 27, 2015)

Those are the WORST kind of horse people. 

I take it from your post that you aren't the kind to tell someone to mind their own business, but this person really needs to hear it.


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

I don't like doing it as I prefer not to have confrontation in general...but I can and will do it if I need to. Since I had my 2 boys i've gotten much better at setting limits. I guess I was mostly wondering if this is a common type of boarder and how other people handled it. I will make sure to tell her next time I see her to tell her exactly the assessment of the horse.


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## Captain Evil (Apr 18, 2012)

A dressage barn where I worked had a really lovely woman who boarded there. She had a HUGE warmblood who was perfectly sound when she bought him, but developed a whole host of weird (read 'imaginary') medical issues which kept her from ever riding him, and which she dutifully treated.

Eventually, the barn owners and resident trainer went overseas to purchase a horse. They had each of the boarders and working students assume a small part of the running of the barn, and this woman ran amok. 

Suddenly, all the horses in the barn needed their feeds adjusted, all of them were lame and had to be treated... 

She ended up wrapping every horse's legs, and wrapped one horse so tightly that she corded it and when the owners returned, the horse had to be put down.


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

That's crazy!!!! I just don't get the way some people always think something is wrong with their horse. I've got one of those here but mostly everyone keeps her grounded by either saying that he just needs to be stretched out...or that they'll need to amputate ?


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

any update on the "mouth"?


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

Update!

The boarder with Heaves did leave -convinced that her horse needs more specific care. That is okay, they'll come and go and while its frustrating to lose someone for no real good reason...it happens. 

As for the mouth, I decided to set the tone for my barn. I dont want to have confrontations if I can help it, but I want to make it clear that I know what I am doing. I was riding one of my colts the other day around the arena and she happened to come back from a ride. She is helping one of the less confident boarders and very good friend of hers get a 4 year old trail broke. I wont go on about it because it is a good experience for her as the mare had 90 days professional training under saddle and is very quiet. She does however, fancy herself a trainer now and somehow figures that she has taken her back to square 1 and restarted her because it was done all wrong as per youtube. *giggle* Anyways, not my horse, not my problem...there is no safety concern. She often will bring the mare into the arena if I am in there and work her, so 2 days ago she came in and started talking about the mare that left and how she had checked her weight and while her ribs were very 'prominent' her weight was coming back on. I just stopped her there, cut her off and told her that the vet assessed her weight and was content with it...a horse who isn't fat will pull from their muscle mass if they lose any weight and so it will be more noticeable than say an overweight horse dropping 40 lbs. He knows she lost weight and it is apparent it is coming back on but that she does in fact need her teeth done and if she is not supplemented or has them done she will likely lose weight unless she has full access to forked hay and that is not feasible in the pen she is in and that she did not want to increase her board and get an individual pen. ..."oh really??" she says.

I continued to say that people need to be very careful of what they say to new horse owners because they often take it in worst case scenarios and now the mare is now going to a new property, will likely lose more weight due to the stress and process of introducing new feeds and hopefully the young lady knows how to deal with heaves. She then said that she knows the mare was supplemented and that once a day should be adequate for weight gain with feeding supplements ...and I replied that it will eventually get some weight on and help if enough is fed at once...but the best way to maintain a horses weight and health is supplementing twice or three times a day in smaller amounts...the boarder did not want to do that and I cannot do all this for free as next thing I know I will be running around like a chicken with my head cut off, running a facility in the red for smiles. So without fighting or singling her out specifically, I made my point, continued my ride and moved on.

She is an odd mix. A lot of ego there...she doesn't know that I am aware she has never started a horse before or working with anything young -so for some weird reason tells me she has. Knowing this, I don't mind if she wants to watch me with the young horses...I am not a professional, but I do a pretty good job and my young horses usually show well in the breed shows/futurities. I don't see why exactly there is a need to put up false pretenses because everyone has to start somewhere in horses and there really isn't a lot of room for ego in the saddle IMO since no one is ever done learning...but for some reason she has feels the need to always be right and likes to seem very knowledgeable. For some reason she often subtly makes jibes like 'I don't think anyone can call themselves a trainer until they have started 100 horses' or 'if I cant finish a horse to high level show quality -then I wouldn't start them' ...just odd comments that feel directed towards me but after the first couple times she made them I really just stopped caring her opinion. oh well. She is a fine rider, she has a good handle on her horse and I think its great. I try very hard not get into discussions on horsemanship and to just do my own thing. I remember another barn owner saying to me that I will find myself feeling the need to prove myself to my boarders as when you run a facility you often don't have the time to ride and are therefore seen as less knowledgeable...don't second guess yourself. I remembered that advice very quickly and pulled back from being insulted. I refuse to pull out or rush a young horse...well any horse really, in order to serve my ego. If I don't have the time to dedicate to a horse in a session that doesn't go well...then I wont pull them out to begin with. I have 2 boys under 3 and so time is not in unlimited supply just yet. They seem to occupy most of it haha

Ultimately, I think the mouth got my point and after I relayed more information realised maybe she didn't have it all to begin with.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

I don't know why, but I've run into more than a few horse folks like this. They often call themselves trainers, too. People who have *some* experience but definitely have some holes that even I can see, who seem to feel that bragging, being opinionated, and dismissive of the knowledge of others, will make people admire and trust them. Well, maybe some people. Personally, I like to hang with the trainers who have met enough horses to be humbled by what they don't know. But they are rare.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

My friend who has been a professional trainer for...40 years? At a very high level gave a compliment via a friend about the "sorta trainer helping her with her horse 20 year old girl" was doing a decent job. Apparently it got passed on as the next day this girl who she's never actually spoken to, very well intentioned and sincere came up to her and started telling her how she needs to adjust her tack, best part is my friend was riding her own horse who she raised and trained into upper level dressage.

Captain Evil- :eek_color::eek_color:


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

Avna said:


> I don't know why, but I've run into more than a few horse folks like this. They often call themselves trainers, too. People who have *some* experience but definitely have some holes that even I can see, who seem to feel that bragging, being opinionated, and dismissive of the knowledge of others, will make people admire and trust them. Well, maybe some people. Personally, I like to hang with the trainers who have met enough horses to be humbled by what they don't know. But they are rare.



This is oh so true. I have found everytime I got too confident I usually got a slice of humble pie pretty quickly lol. There seems to be ego and insecurities wherever this type of horse person hangs out and there really isn't room in the saddle for those things IMO. It baffles me that they don't realize that every single 'trainer' has been where they are....maybe just handled it with more grace and a willingness to learn wherever they can.

That being said -it is not my horse and I don't really have a say. The owner of this mare should be coming out to check her as she was a $10,000.00 green broke horseupon purchase. I have noticed a significant difference in even her pasture attitude since she has been under another handlers care. She now guards the gate, chases everyone...will kick if she can...and she does this anytime people are at the barn. The girl working with her thinks that she just loves her and is excited to see her...while I've no doubt that she wants to come out...if the horse was being handled properly she would not be challenging for humans, in my experience when a horse is acting that way they think they are above you. I have seen that horse subtly win so many battles during ground work and it is creating a horse with entitlement.


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