# parents who wouldn't buy u a horse even if they could



## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

I am just curious to know if anyone has a parent who wouldn't buy them a horse, even if they had the means. I do. :-|

My dad has mentioned a few times to me that if he had the money, he wouldn't buy me a horse, as he considers owning a horse a waste of time and money and just too much trouble. Lots of time and money, true... waste of time... nu-uh, but I guess he just doesn't see the good parts of it. And he thinks it would overly distract me from life (hence studies). Which isn't totally true, nor false. 

I suppose if he did win the lottery and I showed myself extremely responsible (which I am and he technically knows this already), and kept my grades up, he'd probably pay for my lessons... and even maybe, pay for a lease in the summer... but never buy me a horse. 

I guess the fact that he still expects me to give up riding and move on with my life plays a part in this too. No one in my family has done what I have done, and he tells me to eventually forget about horses, but how can one forget one's own self? :wink:

SO anyone else have a parent that thinks horses are great, but not worth it and just a temporary pleasure?


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

my parents used to be like this. but then they came around to the idea if i prove responsible enough and can take care of other animals then give it a shot. they gave me strict guidelines and if i slipped once the horse would be sold. on top of that i was going threw a move to different town and instead of going to therapy (since my folks think that is a bigger waste then horses ) that they would buy me my first horse and it truly was the best therapy i could of had for that time in my life. plus the horse was older and could not be ridden. :/

its not that parents dont care for your interests if they are like mine they just want you to earn and work hard for what you want. when it came to getting the horse i really wanted i had to buy it and pay for everything and they told me straight out if she would have been my first horse they would never have gotten her for me because it was something i truly wanted because it was calling me. they said something so desirable should be earned from hard work.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

At least your parents are paying for you to be around and ride horses; mine couldn't even do that. I had to wait until I could afford it on my own.

Your parents don't owe you a horse. Horses are _your_ passion, not theirs. There's no reason in the world for them to spend money on something which they consider an expensive waste of time.

If you're a true horse person you'll never lose the passion, and eventually you'll be able to make it happen on your own. That's what I did, and it certainly didn't kill me to defer my dream until I could afford it myself.


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## OwnedByAlli (Nov 8, 2011)

I begged bribed and blackmailed (kinda hehe) for 10 years to let me have a horse. It was only when my neighbours horses needed careing for and I absoloutly fell in love with Alli that my parents finally agreed to letting me take out a long term loan contract. 

I was fortunate enough to have lessons once a week payed for by my mum at £16 an hour, and my mum realised I would be spending about £20 a week on an actuall horse of my own, and I could spend hours and hours riding it and careing for it every week.

I also got a summer job to help pay for feed etc and did lots of things to prove my responsibility. Dedication was a big thing for mum and dad. They were convinced I was going to quit and 'grow out of it' and focus on studies to get a well paying job. That was until I flipped at them saying I didn't give a **** if being a doctor/dentist payed loads, I wanted to be around horses for my entire life because they _are_ my entire life!


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## pintophile (May 18, 2011)

I hate to say it, but I agree with Speed. You don't sound whiny in your post, which is good, but what SR said is exactly it- your parents _don't_ owe you a horse. They can spend the money they make on whatever they like, and if they don't want to spend it on an animal that only one person in the family is going to enjoy and is going to cost them a LOT of money over a LONG period of time, that's their decision. It sucks that your parents don't support your horse hobby, but unfortunately, sometimes that's just the way it is. If you're really passionate about it, you'll be able to make it work.


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## demonwolfmoon (Oct 31, 2011)

Here's the thing about kids....

I work my buns off to get a degree, and before that I worked my buns off....to have the money to make sure that my daughter/kids have the things that I did NOT have as a kid...this includes all the necessities plus a few amenities, like violin lessons and martial arts training. ($$$)

The thing about that is, you know how hard you worked to provide those things, right? And you see how long your kids have interest in those things which cost you quite a bit...and therein is part of the problem, but not all...if you were to lose interest in a horse, or CARING for the horse...as a minor, that responsibility falls back ON YOUR PARENTS. Well geez...what if they don't want that responsibility? 

So: an expense that someone may lose interest in
an expense whose actual CARE may fall back on the parent...one that they have no interest in
an expense to which they ultimately will be responsible for, not the minor, in any legal or medical issues

I see a lot of irresponsibility with the *cough* young ADULTS that I go to school with... and I know exactly how not responsible my own kid is. I can understand where the parents might not want to buy a horse...at least you can break a lease. xD


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> Its not that parents dont care for your interests if they are like mine they just want you to earn and work hard for what you want. When it came to getting the horse I really wanted I had to buy it and pay for everything and they told me straight out if she would have been my first horse they would never have gotten her for me because it was something I truly wanted because it was calling me. They said something so desirable should be earned from hard work.


I completely agree about working hard for something you really want. I am happy I pay for everything myself, as it has pushed me to do things I would never have done if my life was easy and I got everything payed. However, my dad doesn't really see it that way. For a long time my parents were against me working 3 hours a week at the library and then 2 hours every second or third week for my neighbor (I file and help him with his computer and stuff), they were even frustrated that I was doing all this because of "the horse". It took them 3 years of fighting with me to see that working wouldn't alter my grades. They were of course just worried about me, scared I'd be over worked and burn out. 



> At least your parents are paying for you to be around and ride horses; mine couldn't even do that. I had to wait until I could afford it on my own.


That is very true. I am very grateful my dad actually willingly drives me to my lessons and doesn't actually really complain or stop me from going to my lessons. 

I am not saying my parents owe me a horse, if not I owe them everythign for giving me a private education and sacrifying so much for me (and giving me life), but i was just curious to know if there were other parents who still wouldn't buy them a horse (for whatever reason) even if they had money coming out of their bums.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

I didn't mean to imply you sounded ungrateful or whiny, because you don't. Just tried to give you some justification for why your folks feel the way they do. :wink:

My parents have never understood the horse thing, and for many years thought it was just a phase. 33 years after buying my first horse, I'm_ pretty_ sure it's not just a phase! :rofl:

They never did 'get it', and even all these years later my mother will still ask me, 'So, when are you going to get tired of those horses and start living a normal life?' Um, when they pry the reins out of my cold, dead hands?


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I read in the first post that Hidalgo pays for her own lesson, not paid for by dad.

Anyway, I get that frustration. I mean the part about the family not having a clue how big a part horses play in your very being. They simply don't get it.
Argh! How could anyone not love horses? (that's what I am thinking when I have those special moments with Mac's head resting near me and we are just "together" and he smells good, and we had a good ride and he's this magnificent being . . and . . .)


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

We never had money to afford the horse or lessons or anything else horse-related, so I didn't even ask for it. I was able to get it all only after I was done with the college and got the more-or-less stable job. 

My friends daughter (in her 20th already!) gets everything she wants even though they have no money to afford lots of things, and she thinks it's OK. Sometime I wonder where all these "give, give, give" is coming from.... 

P.S. Hidalgo, it's not directed at your OP or you, just a rant.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Speed Racer said:


> I didn't mean to imply you sounded ungrateful or whiny, because you don't. Just tried to give you some justification for why your folks feel the way they do. :wink:
> 
> My parents have never understood the horse thing, and for many years thought it was just a phase. 33 years after buying my first horse, I'm_ pretty_ sure it's not just a phase! :rofl:
> 
> *They never did 'get it', and even all these years later my mother will still ask me, 'So, when are you going to get tired of those horses and start living a normal life?' Um, when they pry the reins out of my cold, dead hands?*


:rofl::rofl:
Boy does this hit home! My dad loved horses, used to train them back when dinosaurs walked the earth......but mom-even after all these years-up until she was too senile to know my name, actually, she was STILL asking me the same thing....along with "are you still married to.....HIM?"

And, DH has actually asked when I might stop riding, and my answer was the same as yours.

That said-I was fortunate enough to have horses growing up, BUT, mom made life miserable and complained the whole time. So, which is worse-not sure. Finally I can happily afford to have them without anyone questioning.:wink: 

They are a privilege, not a right. That is true at any age, no matter who is paying the bills.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> if you were to lose interest in a horse, or CARING for the horse...as a minor, that responsibility falls back ON YOUR PARENTS. Well geez...what if they don't want that responsibility?


True true, forgot how my dad is easily worried. He has had so many troubles in his life, that anything that might give him a headache (even if it also gives him pleasure, he doesn't want) He told me this a long time ago, it's the reason why he says he'd never ever buy a boat or a dog. Too much headache. I understand a little more now. he doesn't think now I'll grow out of it, but if the horse get's sick and big vet bills come (even if he can pay for them), I could just see him not sleeping for a week. wWuld be my typical daddy. 



> I didn't mean to imply you sounded ungrateful or whiny, because you don't. Just tried to give you some justification for why your folks feel the way they do. :wink:
> ​


 I know that. :wink: Just wanted to make sure others didn't think this was more of a rant and I thought my parents owed me a beautiful, cash eating pony if ever they hit the jackpot. :lol:


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> They never did 'get it', and even all these years later my mother will still ask me, 'So, when are you going to get tired of those horses and start living a normal life?' Um, when they pry the reins out of my cold, dead hands?


Lol, agreed! When my dad told me I should just rid 2 times a year (just for a bit of pleasure) and move on, I told him I'd do so when I was tired, pregnant and swollen or occupied with raising my newborn. Then of course once I get back in shape and have more time I'd go back to riding regularly.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> Anyway, I get that frustration. I mean the part about the family not having a clue how big a part horses play in your very being. They simply don't get it.
> Argh! How could anyone not love horses? (that's what I am thinking when I have those special moments with Mac's head resting near me and we are just "together" and he smells good, and we had a good ride and he's this magnificent being . . And . . .)


Since my dad spends almost just as much time at the barn as I do, he understands more now than then, but ya, definitely doesn't completely get a horse lover's passion.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> My friends daughter (in her 20th already!) gets everything she wants even though they have no money to afford lots of things, and she thinks it's OK. Sometime I wonder where all these "give, give, give" is coming from....


Ya I knwo what you mean. I go to school with a girl like that. 
The bad thing about it all is that she brags about everything. :roll:


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## Cruiser (Aug 28, 2011)

The way I got my first horse was I just bought one and told my parents I needed to find a place to keep her. They were surprised (I was 16) but didn't tell me no, just found me a field to rent. 

I think it is easier with your parents to tell you no, than it is to here them tell you they'll buy you a horse.

I spent five years thinking my dad would finally buy me the horse he promised every time I seen him. He would say how he'll help me get a horse and keep it because he knew how much I loved them. Every year I hoped and felt awful when it never happened. He said that up the day he bought my non horse step mother a horse, I'll admit I cried my heart out, the horse was a beautiful young and extremely well trained horse not the $300 give away from down the road. Of course when my mare died he again promised to help me buy another horse when the time came, but he bought himself a colt and wouldn't help me when I found one. 

Easy for them to say no, than to make promises they'll never keep.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Hldalgo I wish I had been fortunate enough to have lessons when I was younger. My family simply could not afford it, and I knew better then to even ask. 

I did come up with many detailed plans on how I could have a horse, and once even presented the plan to my dad. Bless his heart, he listened intently to all I put forth, and then when I was done, complimented me on my well thought out plan. Then told me .............no. :-(

It was for the best, though I didn't see it that way, and I know the stricken look on my face must have cut him like a knife. 

He is my biggest fan, and loves to watch me work my horses and has a keen eye. 

We , when younger, don't have a broad view on all the variables that life can so quickly throw at us. It's when we get older, and have so many responsibilities that we then can look back and understand where our parents were coming from, most times anyway.

Enjoy the time with your dad at the barn, I'm amazed he doesn't complain about it and I think perhaps he cherishes this time with you. A father knows that eventually some one else will come along and he will not be the "man" in your life anymore. Though I have to say, I am a daddys girl and **** proud of it, even at my age! :lol:


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

I'm sorry to hear that happened to you cruiser.  I cannot get over why your dad bought your non horsy step mom a horse! :shock: Did she at least learn to ride?:?


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## Cruiser (Aug 28, 2011)

She had rode the horse a couple lessons before he bought the horse, but other than that had no idea about any thing, horse related. She only had a handful of lessons after that, was only starting to trot. 

Just saying it is easier to hear, no you can't have a horse. Than have empty promises from someone you really want to believe.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Hidalgo13 said:


> The bad thing about it all is that she brags about everything. :roll:


Hey, I find this to be a funny thing though. Shows how stupid the person is.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> Enjoy the time with your dad at the barn, I'm amazed he doesn't complain about it and I think perhaps he cherishes this time with you.
> ​


 Ya he is pretty good about it. When I say I have a lesson he just says ok and asks at what time. He does however grumble when I start riding more often in the summer. :wink: Says it ruins the day because by the time we get home at noon, all morning was spent at the barn and there is only the afternoon left for him to do his things. Which is true... BUt yes he does enjoy it. I can see he likes being around the horses and isn't nearly afraid of them as he used to. Just cautious, but already trusts them more. He helps a bit around the barn and talks with the polish lady I sometimes take lessons with (my dad is polish too you see, so he has fun talking in polish to her). He then goes to get a coffee and/or buy groceries and see's the end of my lesson. It is nice a daddy/daughter time, which probably, as you said, he appreciates.  

BUt he would much rather I save my money than spend it all on lessons (which is understandable), but thankfully he doesn't grumble much on that either, because he finally realized I did better in school when I rode more often. Helps my concentration you see. :wink:


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> Hey, I find this to be a funny thing though. Shows how stupid the person is. :grin:


 Aw Kitten, let us be nice now. :wink: But yes it does. Problem is girls at my school were actually nice enough to politely tell her she needed to stop constantly talking about herself and bragging, and were willing to give her another chance and stay friends with her, but you know what she answered when they told her she only ever spoke of herself?

"Ya I know." then she smiled, and continued talking. It was one of the *face palm* moments. :-|


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## HarleyWood (Oct 14, 2011)

Oh my dad told me to get over it and just ride my friends horses (she didnt mind) and my mom agreed with my dad till my uncle called we got a stable and had him delivered there that night we told my dad we got a free horse with all the tack, he is still upset (9 years later) but built me a barn after a year of complaining, and now is getting more into it.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Hidalgo13 said:


> Aw Kitten, let us be nice now. :wink: But yes it does. Problem is girls at my school were actually nice enough to politely tell her she needed to stop constantly talking about herself and bragging, and were willing to give her another chance and stay friends with her, but you know what she answered when they told her she only ever spoke of herself?
> 
> "Ya I know." then she smiled, and continued talking. It was one of the *face palm* moments. :-|


****! We had a girl like that at the Dog Run when I was living in NYC. She didn't shut up for a sec the whole hour she was there with the dog telling us (complete strangers) about her, her life, her b/f, eta-eta-eta. Mind you that girl was grown adult. So I bet the habits don't change with age! :lol:

P.S. I always just ignore bragging.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

We always had horses & ponies (I had much older siblings) and then they were sold when my siblings grew up & moved out. I was left with nothing, well not nothing, I rode my friend's miserable one eyed pony who they convinced me that we were "made for each". Hah! Example - "She loves you, she hardly ever bucks you off, & rarely draws blood when she nips you". They just wanted someone exercising & feeding this miserable old hag (sigh* I miss old Brownie). I put up with for about a year. If I didn't hound my parents everyday for a year that I wanted a horse of my own and scoped out possible buys (keep in mind I was like 8 yrs old), I would have never got one. Funny thing is, when I got engaged, they bought me a house & I never even ask or hinted at that. My mother is 84 now and tells me, "Haven't you grown out of horses yet? You should really see someone about your addiction, and you got your husband, children & grandchildren envolved!" I just smile & respect my elders.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

waresbear said:


> We always had horses & ponies (I had much older siblings) and then they were sold when my siblings grew up & moved out. I was left with nothing, well not nothing, I rode my friend's miserable one eyed pony who they convinced me that we were "made for each". Hah! Example - "She loves you, she hardly ever bucks you off, & rarely draws blood when she nips you". They just wanted someone exercising & feeding this miserable old hag (sigh* I miss old Brownie). I put up with for about a year. If I didn't hound my parents everyday for a year that I wanted a horse of my own and scoped out possible buys (keep in mind I was like 8 yrs old), I would have never got one. Funny thing is, when I got engaged, they bought me a house & I never even ask or hinted at that. My mother is 84 now and tells me, "Haven't you grown out of horses yet? Y*ou should really see someone about your addiction,* and you got your husband, children & grandchildren envolved!" I just smile & respect my elders.


^^This made me laugh. Two years ago, my surgeon upon finding out that I had horses, and hubby was luke warm about them (his wife and he were in the same situation) , informed me that I had a disease........equine disease!!!! Lay mans translation, horse crazy! :wink:


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

Well we couldnt fit a horse in the back yard, the rest is woods and swampish. And i they wouldnt, plain and simple.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

My parents had the means, but being non-horsey people they were nervous about allowing me to have a horse in case they would be needed for support that they didn't have the knowledge or experience to offer. They also encouraged me to go out and do things on my own from a relatively young age, that is, secondary school.

I bought my first horse at 14 with my own money, most expensive horse I've ever bought at $1000 haha. Bought all my own tack and paid for my board with my part time job and by working for trainers.

I didn't/don't begrudge my parents for their decisions; they made the right choice and it taught me valuable lessons in budgeting, working, being accountable and time management.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

Sarahver, that;s really neat you managed to pay for your horse all by yourself! 



> I didn't/don't begrudge my parents for their decisions; they made the right choice and it taught me valuable lessons in budgeting, working, being accountable and time management.


Yes definitely teaches you budgeting skills! A few years ago, I remember my mom once going to see her account online. I have a separate account, but it's joint with hers as I am a minor, and she saw I had a few hundred dollars saved up to pay for my next group of 10 lessons, and she told me: "I thought you said you didn't HAVE any money!?"

Technically I didn't, it wasn't spending money, but savings money. :wink:


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

The day I started working, 14, I had to chip in to help pay for my PARENTS horse. That way I could buy my own lessons, and ride her. We then got two horses so we could go on trail rides. I paid for that one. There was only one year I was out of work, at 17, and I couldn't afford to do all those nice things. BUT it was my exam year so my parents resumed full payments.

Day after I turned 18, I started my real world job and got my big girl panties on. I took full responsobility of Doey at the time, and sold him in May. Then in June, I had scrimped and saved, and borrowed a bit from the bank, to buy my own- Duffy. I then some how aquired my dog, Rufus in September. Between Duffy's PPE, Rufus' castration and emergency trips when he ate something and threw up blood, and Duffy's absess I have spent in excess of €1200. None of which I can claim on insurance. 

Would I let that fall to my parents? No. I want a horse, I want a dog, its my responsobility. My bank balance is ZERO at the end of the month, I only go drinking if its on my base, so I can walk home or go to a friends. I have no social life, my money and time goes in to the horses.

You have to dedicate, and if you want it that bad, you will save every penny, get a job, and buy YOURSELF a horse IMO- parents shouldn't have to fork out for things we 'want'. Need, yes, want, no.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Well, I fight to have the means...I clean stalls to pay for daughters lessons and work merely to pay horse bills, so I don't understand a parent who CAN not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TimWhit91 (Feb 3, 2012)

My dad bought me a horse because he thought it would keep me away from boys. He was right  Didn't get a boyfriend till I moved out of my parents' house lol


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## ohmyitschelle (Aug 23, 2008)

franknbeans said:


> They are a privilege, not a right. That is true at any age, no matter who is paying the bills.


Completely how I see it. I had to wait until I had a part time job when I was sixteen before I could afford my own horse. My parents were supportive, but couldn't afford to pay for a horse for me. Since then I've been a horse owner and ensured I paid for their costs. After all, watching my parents on limited money, made me realise just how much us kids take them for granted at times (not saying OP is being ungrateful).

I now live with a 6yr old little girl who because she's the only child in amongst adults, she feels pretty darn spoilt. We don't have a lot of money so she's not spoilt materially, but she doesn't understand that money doesn't grow on trees and money isn't something we all have lots of. She is very much so a child who believes she can have what she wants and will throw the biggest tantrum known to mankind if she doesn't get it. This child hasn't had the best upbringing so that does have some reason behind it, but she doesn't understand that no does mean no or to respect her toys. It was just her birthday and she got a good haul of toys... but she barely cares for them and would rather leave them littered over the floor. But now I'm going off my point.

This is also related to horses. She adores them and does listen around them, but she believes that if she doesn't do the hard work (using her kid shovel to help pick up poop), she can still ride my mare. Not the case :wink: I really hope she doesn't grow up and think that's how she can demand life to be... horses are not something you get regardless... they are another living being on this earth and too many kids don't seem to understand just how expensive their hobbies can be. 

Riding lessons alone each week seem astronomically priced from when I was a kid :shock:


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

I can't imagine a parent that wouldn't buy their child a horse if they had the means. If they absolutely did not have the means, that is a horse of a different color.:wink:

I disagree w some of the above posts. I think parents _do,_ in fact_,_ owe their children a horse if the child _really_ wants one - and doesn't just have a "casual interest". I don't think people should have children if they do not intend to provide them, to some degree or another, with those things they are passionate about. Their child might be passionate about music, which can also cost a small fortune....do they just tell them to wait until they can afford their own instrument? Pooh, bah!!! I can see falling on financial difficulty and deciding it would be better to provide the necessities for your children and opt not to purchase a horse or lessons. That is different. But simply not getting a child a horse that is passionate about horses when one has the means to do so is flat out _inhumane_, imho. If you don't want to provide for a child...wait 'till you "grow up" and can afford one.


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## gigem88 (May 10, 2011)

Non horsey people just don't "get it"! Have you tried talking them into...say a 6 month lease? Sounds like you have parents that love you very much. Sometimes you just have to break people in a little at a time.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

No parent owes a child more than room board food love and an education. Parents make decisions many times that children don't understand...but we make them for a good reason. This may or may not be the case here...but it just may be they know more than u think they do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WesternBella (Jan 7, 2012)

I am very, very, very lucky and very thankful that I have a mother who tries to do anything she can for me so she can give me the best life experiences possible. There are so many things that she has let me do, that most kids don't get to do in their life.

My father, on the other hand would have never done any of these things for me, he thinks horses are stupid & still hasn't come to see my horse that I've had for 8 monthes :/

So pretty much, I'm so glad to have my mom :3 otherwise I wouldn't have anything horsey in my life D:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> Non horsey people just don't "get it"! Have you tried talking them into...say a 6 month lease? Sounds like you have parents that love you very much. Sometimes you just have to break people in a little at a time.


Well I am not ready for ownership, and have no time for a lease just right now (since it's my last year of high school it's hectic). And neither do I or my parents have the finances. If my parents did though, my dad would probably accept to pay for a lease during the summer (as it wouldn't interfere with my schooling). He just has this thing with owning horses, as he just see's it as a headache. He thinks there is no difference in riding a school horse and one you own, the only difference is the trouble. Which is true but there's a lot more positive things too. :wink:

Right now, I'm changing barns. I found a place that's more expensive and much further but is totally worth it, and I am just grateful my dad accepted to hear me out when I tried to explain that this is the type of barn I always wanted to go to. Mind you, the fact I said I felt like I was wasting my money at my current barn and I'd get my moneys worth at the other place helped.  

He didn't want to drive me more than once a month, but all it took was my mom to have a bad dream about me, and convince him to just drive me and spare the 2 hour public transit ride (one way). I would have done it too, as I'm sure this is the best barn for me.


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## chandra1313 (Jul 12, 2011)

My sister wanted a horse, all the while we were growing up ;-) My parents weren't rich but they did growup in the country and they could have bought her one. They never understood her passion for having a horse and she always remembered that they wouldn't let her have one. Sometimes parents just have to say no to stuff and let you deal with it. I think my sister is a very generous person because our parents didn't give in to everything we wanted. I share all my horse stuff with everyone who comes to my home. My sister now has the horse she always wanted and she keeps it at my place and we have so much fun together and I think the old wound has healed now.


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## gypsygirl (Oct 15, 2009)

my parents have always supported me riding and owning horses. that does not mean they paid for everything, but that have helped ! they have also helped to teach me to be responcible with my money. ive always paid or worked off my lessons [since i was 6yo]. my mom helped buy me and my sisters first horse and paid vet and farrier bills [we were 12]. but we have always paid for lessons and tack. im greatful that they have helped and supported me, and not just given me everything.


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

Speed Racer said:


> At least your parents are paying for you to be around and ride horses; mine couldn't even do that. I had to wait until I could afford it on my own.
> 
> Your parents don't owe you a horse. Horses are _your_ passion, not theirs. There's no reason in the world for them to spend money on something which they consider an expensive waste of time.
> 
> If you're a true horse person you'll never lose the passion, and eventually you'll be able to make it happen on your own. That's what I did, and it certainly didn't kill me to defer my dream until I could afford it myself.


alpha and omega


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## HarleyWood (Oct 14, 2011)

my mother trys to give me things that i want, her mom would have never let her barrel race (not safe for her mom) but my mom loves to watch and we both know things can go wrong but she still comes with. my dad isnt in to horses and things i am. but he trys and doesnt like that we have 3 horses... if i didnt have my mom i wouldnt have one horse let alone 3!


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## Sinbad Love (Feb 12, 2012)

My dad was that way he could afford one but thought it was a waste of money. I bugged him for 2 years everytime I saw him and he finally gave in! Even though the horse was free but it still was better then nothing! So now I have an arabian and i've owned him for a little over a year nowHere he is:


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

Hidalgo13 said:


> I am just curious to know if anyone has a parent who wouldn't buy them a horse, even if they had the means. I do. :-|
> 
> *My dad has mentioned a few times to me that if he had the money, he wouldn't buy me a horse, as he considers owning a horse a waste of time and money and just too much trouble*. Lots of time and money, true... waste of time... nu-uh, but I guess he just doesn't see the good parts of it. And he thinks it would overly distract me from life (hence studies). Which isn't totally true, nor false.
> 
> ...


This was an interesting thread from a younger person's perspective.

First, parents don't owe their children ANYTHING legally. Think about this. I am not talking about ethics or morals. Legally, according to the United States government, a parent is not legally liable to provide much of anything to their children.

If that statement was not true, then it would be illegal for a parent to be homeless. Or to not provide enough food for their children. In which state do you live where it is against the law not to buy your children designer jeans, new Nike shoes, and provide a college education?

Truthfully, as long as the parent is not physically abusing the child by force trauma (and the parent is obviously not ENDANGERING the child through drug and alcohol abuse) there are no legal grounds for the state to take the child from the parent.

So, where is the foul? Your parents have some means, otherwise you wouldn't be involved in horses at all. It still costs money to lease a horse and provide for lessons. Someone is not getting a pedicure or a new tennis racket in order for you to enjoy that type of horse interaction.

Second, not knowing your age, I am unable to tell from the post if you are of driving age and able to take yourself to lessons (and always have driven yourself) or not. It takes time AND money to take children places. Cars go vroom through gas, which costs money to put into the tank. That 5 gallons has a value and the number of times a parent has taken you to lessons increases the amount of money that goes into the gas tank.

Time has a value. Time to drive to lessons and time to wait for said lesson to be over has a direct impact on the other person. That is time the other person is not spending on themselves or their responsibilities.

Unless of course, while mommie or daddy sat at the lesson the maid was doing dishes and cooking dinner and the gardner was mowing the lawn. What? Your parents don't have a maid and gardner? Oh, then it impacted them.

I find it funny when young people post about all the terrible atrocities they have to endure and how absolutely neglected they are because they are driving used vehicles and I remember what it was like to actually earn what I had.

Sorry, this is a soapbox. I have the means to do a lot for my stepchildren, and I do. The 8 yr old has a lease pony herself. I am seriously considering cancelling all leases and providing the very minimum needs a child must have.

Shelter. Nutricious food and clean water. Clean clothing that fit her body. Transportation to and from school.

The rest I am going to chalk up to the "extras" of life that she does not need. Instead, I am going to take the hundreds of dollars per month that went to her lifestyle and invest it back into my own.

That way when she picks a fight with her brother I won't care. Or when she whines when I ask her to help set the table. Or how about the absolute forgetting to be polite and say thank you and please.

Rant over.

OP, all kidding aside. It may not be about money. It may be about how you view your parents money. If you act like it grows on a tree and they owe you a certain lifestyle, they may be reluctant to do more until you truly understand that for every dollar spent to a horse, someone had to go without something or work harder at something.

Something to think about. Instead of telling them how responsible you will be with the horse, you may want to take on additional chores around the house or do things that make the horse less of an impact of them physically.

Things to consider.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

Missy May said:


> I can't imagine a parent that wouldn't buy their child a horse if they had the means. If they absolutely did not have the means, that is a horse of a different color.:wink:
> 
> I disagree w some of the above posts. I think parents _do,_ in fact_,_ owe their children a horse if the child _really_ wants one - and doesn't just have a "casual interest". I don't think people should have children if they do not intend to provide them, to some degree or another, with those things they are passionate about. Their child might be passionate about music, which can also cost a small fortune....do they just tell them to wait until they can afford their own instrument? Pooh, bah!!! I can see falling on financial difficulty and deciding it would be better to provide the necessities for your children and opt not to purchase a horse or lessons. That is different. But simply not getting a child a horse that is passionate about horses when one has the means to do so is flat out _inhumane_, imho. If you don't want to provide for a child...wait 'till you "grow up" and can afford one.


Thank you. This is going on my facebook wall.


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## AQHSam (Nov 23, 2011)

cakemom said:


> _*No parent owes a child more than room board food love and an education.*_ Parents make decisions many times that children don't understand...but we make them for a good reason. This may or may not be the case here...but it just may be they know more than u think they do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey Cakemom, nicely put. Of course, morally and ethically I agree with you.

Legally, um, not so much.
:lol:


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Sam-well said. 

Missy-this post annoys the crap out of me.




Missy May said:


> I can't imagine a parent that wouldn't buy their child a horse if they had the means. If they absolutely did not have the means, that is a horse of a different color.:wink:
> 
> I disagree w some of the above posts. I think parents _do,_ in fact_,_ owe their children a horse if the child _really_ wants one - and doesn't just have a "casual interest". I don't think people should have children if they do not intend to provide them, to some degree or another, with those things they are passionate about. Their child might be passionate about music, which can also cost a small fortune....do they just tell them to wait until they can afford their own instrument? Pooh, bah!!! I can see falling on financial difficulty and deciding it would be better to provide the necessities for your children and opt not to purchase a horse or lessons. That is different. But simply not getting a child a horse that is passionate about horses when one has the means to do so is flat out _inhumane_, imho. If you don't want to provide for a child...wait 'till you "grow up" and can afford one.


Sounds to me just like the ungrateful entitled mentality that is so common these days. Some day you will learn that NOONE owes you ANYTHING. You may actually learn to appreciate what you have! Grow up, get a real job, and after you pay for a roof over your head, clothes for your body, shoes for your feet, food perhaps you will have 2 pennies left to pay for a horse. In the meantime, stay on school or get a good trade. You will need one to afford it.
Most hobbies/sports cost money. None of them are necessities of life. Shoot, my kids hockey goalie stuff costs more than my new Bob's saddle, but again-it is not a right, and he understands that, especially now that HE is paying for it. It is certainly NOT inhumane. Inhumane would be true abuse, neglect.....not telling little Johnny he has to pay for his own I phone.:?


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## Faceman (Nov 29, 2007)

franknbeans said:


> Sam-well said.
> 
> Missy-this post annoys the crap out of me.
> 
> ...


I think I fall somewhere in the middle on this. It's no secret that I am vehemently anti-entitlement. However, I believe we all indulge our children in something - be it hockey like yours or some other sport, or computers and computer games, or something or other. To me, indulging a kid with a horse can help build character. It can teach them everything from responsibility to hard work to competition, and it can open a new world of experiences, friends, and knowledge. I would far rather have my children mess with horses than watching TV or playing on the computer - to say nothing of the trouble they can get in on the streets.

But, I think much depends upon the kid and the circumstances. I think it is prudent for parents to consider very carefully indulging their children if their interest may be a passing phase, or if the horse is boarded and the kid doesn't have to lift a finger or shoulder any responsibility. A horse shouldn't be a convenience kept in a stall or paddock to be used rarely in between a host of other activities.

So given the right circumstances, I think a kid asking for a horse is a reasonable request. In the wrong circumstances it is at best precocious and at worst fostering an entitlement attitude in the child...


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

And the second any of my kids thought they were "entitled" to their sport (and yes, with my daughter it was horses) was when they were involuntarily given a break from it.

My guess is that the parents, once again, know better than the OP, and they have a reason, most likely it is ATTITUDE. Just a guess. I am SO glad mine are grown. ;-)


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> So, where is the foul? *Your parents have some means, otherwise you wouldn't be involved in horses at all*. It still costs money to lease a horse and provide for lessons. Someone is not getting a pedicure or a new tennis racket in order for you to enjoy that type of horse interaction.
> 
> Second, not knowing your age, I am unable to tell from the post if you are of driving age and able to take yourself to lessons (and always have driven yourself) or not. It takes time AND money to take children places. Cars go vroom through gas, which costs money to put into the tank. *That 5 gallons has a value and the number of times a parent has taken you to lessons increases the amount of money that goes into the gas tank.*
> 
> ​


True, but besides paying for the gas, he doesn't pay for anything else. (Not sayign I'm not grateful or don't appreciate that act, as I do very much and know it's more than enough.) 

I keep offering to pay my dad for gas but he keeps saying it's okay and not necessary. As for driving myself. OMG I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT DAY! i have my learners permit, so I can't drive alone yet, but I am waiting impatiently for that day. However, my parents won't let me drive alone to the barn until I'm older (I'll be 18 in October). If i'm lucky, they'll trust the rest of the driving population enough to let me drive out alone on the highway to the barn by the time I'm 19-20.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> OP, all kidding aside. *It may not be about money.* It may be about *how you view your parents money*. If you act like it grows on a tree and they owe you a certain lifestyle, they may be reluctant to do more until you truly understand that for every dollar spent to a horse, someone had to go without something or work harder at something.
> 
> Something to think about.* Instead of telling them how responsible you will be with the horse, you may want to take on additional chores around the house or do things that make the horse less of an impact of them physically.*
> ​


I know you aren't judging me, just trying to make me aware in a friendly manner that there might be things I should see... but I would just like it to be clear that I have never considered my parents money like something that grows on trees, and they know that. I have always been appreciative of what my parents give me. Heck, when I need new clothes I try as much as I can to use my own money, because I feel bad asking my dad as I know he has a lot of other things to pay for. We get by comfortably enough compared to most, but money has always been an issue in my family. Because of this, I would *never* expect my father to pay for my lessons, even less get me a horse. This whole post wasn't why does my daddy not buy me a pony?
It was more like: are there others who have parents (my dad in my case) that don't think owning a horse a good thing, hence, *if* they had the means (as in they could afford 10), they still wouldn't get them one. 

As for the chores, haha, trust me I do most of them. With my sisters being married and gone, I have 3 times the load now. :wink: To conclude, my dad just considers horse ownership a headache. Lately he's trying to convince me that I should never buy a horse. :lol: I laugh and tell him: If when I am a working adult and have money and time, trust me, very few things will stop me.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

franknbeans said:


> Sam-well said.
> 
> Missy-this post annoys the crap out of me.
> 
> ...


Well, that made me chuckle. I generally don't think my "mentality" falls in w the "entitled" sort. I don't think anyone owes _me_ anything, I am an adult w children. But, I don't think of parents as "anyone". And, I do think the term "inhuman" adequately describes not giving a child that is passionate about horses and _truly _wants one - a horse or, at minimum, lessons. That is, IF the parents have the means. How responsible is it to have children w the plan to only feed, cloth and shelter them? That isn't teaching a child "responsibility", its teaching them "survivablility". Children _are _entitled to the best care from their parents - they are not entitled to anything from anyone else. 

My husband and I _expect_ our children to get excellent grades, behave themselves, be respectful and responsible. This is not negotiable. But, if all we provided them w were clothes, meals and a roof - what would I "take away" if they were to decide to say...let their grades slip? Their clothes, food??? They aren't "entitled" to those "extras" - they earn them...and what is given can be taken away. It teaches them they are _not_ entitled. On the other hand, if a child of mine wanted a 300 dollar change purse....they can pay it - themselves...that is in the "absurd" catagory.

Make little Johny pay for his own phone? :shock:. kidding.


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## Cinder (Feb 20, 2011)

One year my Grandfather calls my cousin's mother. Offers to buy the three horse-crazy girls a horse. Her mother says no, says it's too much trouble, it's probably just a phase. :evil:

Both of our families just don't GET the horse thing. They're slowly getting better, and to their credit they ARE trying to understand, but here's two very recent examples of their non-horseyness:

Cousin's Father:

The horse my cousin was riding over-jumped a jump. He says the following in a very serious manner and as if it was a fact:

"He was on the wrong diagonal."

My Father:

My lesson horse was in the pasture. Okay, I've caught plenty of horses before, no big deal, right? Not according to my dad! As soon as I step in the pasture he starts getting all nervous, asking if we should wait, if he should go get my instructor, all these things. I walk with the horse and get him into the barn, no problems! Later my dad said the horses were "just acting weird". They were just standing there .

It's been HARD work even just getting lessons. I've gone from horse camp once a year, to trail rides on my birthday, to lessons every other week, then once a week, and now I'm going to lease over the summer and help out at a horse camp. I'm also going to show at least once. 

I'm very quiet and polite. I currently have a 92 average which is a bit lower than normal because of mid-terms and such. (Plus I am in all honors classes except for Math). BUT at the same time I managed to get some of my highest grades all year this quarter...I don't know how that works out :lol:. I don't ask to be driven to friends. I get new clothes rarely and when I do they're $5 tops and $30 jeans, things that I can wear all year and won't wear out quickly (for the price). I don't ask for them to buy me anything extra besides for paying for my lessons because they won't let me get a job, I have asked multiple times and they always say the same thing, "You shouldn't rush into things like that". 

So, at the end of the month, when I have managed to save $174.50 (thus I would be paying for most or all of it, depending on what we chose to do) and they have already agreed to let me lease and I just want to lease a little earlier than expected, they say "No it's not nice out, wait" am I going to get a teensy bit upset? You can bet your bottom dollar I am! I hope you guys don't think I'm entitled for that but it's the truth. I didn't say one word to my father after he said "No" I just said "Okay, I understand, I was just wondering" and went to my room and just stayed there for a while.


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> I don't ask for them to buy me anything extra besides for paying for my lessons because they won't let me get a job,I have asked multiple times and they always say the same thing,"You shouldn't rush into things like that".


I know how you feel there. My parents have finally allowed me to get a real summer job this year. During the school year though, I have small jobs that give me just enough for my lessons. I only work 2 hours a week at the library and 1 to 2 hours a week (sometimes every 2-3 weeks) I file for my neighbor and do his taxes. For two years I had to fight with my parents to keep these jobs. They kept telling me I'd burn out, wouldn't get through, but I had so many arguments with them that they eventually gave up and left me alone. Funny thing is, the more I worked and the more I rode, the higher my grades got. :lol:

Now they understand.


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## Cinder (Feb 20, 2011)

> I know how you feel there. My parents have finally allowed me to get a real summer job this year. During the school year though, I have small jobs that give me just enough for my lessons. I only work 2 hours a week at the library and 1 to 2 hours a week (sometimes every 2-3 weeks) I file for my neighbor and do his taxes. For two years I had to fight with my parents to keep these jobs. They kept telling me I'd burn out, wouldn't get through, but I had so many arguments with them that they eventually gave up and left me alone. Funny thing is, the more I worked and the more I rode, the higher my grades got.
> 
> Now they understand.


Good for you convincing them! Also, good job raising your grades while working. I think I'm going to try convincing my parents to let me work again soon. It's almost the end of the school year so they couldn't say it would interfere with that...hmm...


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## Hidalgo13 (Dec 24, 2010)

> I think I'm going to try convincing my parents to let me work again soon. It's almost the end of the school year so they couldn't say it would interfere with that...hmm...


You should definitely try!  Just make sure it's a job you enjoy.  The reason I probably did so well is because working at the library relaxes me, and I love books. If I had jobs that stressed me or took much more time, well then, that would be a different story lol.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Missy-the post I responded to-you sound like a spoiled brat. JMHO.

Just so you all don't think I am of the "I walked 5 miles up hill BOTH ways to get to school...in 3 ft deep snow....." mentality-I (fortunately) had a dad who loved horses and used to train them. He was the only thing keeping me into horses. My mom (god rest her soul, as of today, actually, and this will sound incredibly cold)was a very selfish woman. She hated the $$ spent on my horses ("if you didn't have that horse I could have........(fill in the blank)" and also resented the time my dad and I spent together with the horses. SHe was in the "will NEVER get it" category. ALl this made me appreciate my horse even more. I battled for every time anyone would drive me to the barn. I do understand, really I do. But it really IS a privilege. I gave them up for a time when I was in college, as I did not have time, then I married, had small kids....and eventually (what seemed like forever, with the hubby asking "do we HAVE to move this saddle AGAIN?) got back into them. I am now blessed to be able to afford my retiree and my younger guy. It takes time, but it is SO worth it.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

franknbeans said:


> Missy-the post I responded to-you sound like a spoiled brat. JMHO.
> 
> Just so you all don't think I am of the "I walked 5 miles up hill BOTH ways to get to school...in 3 ft deep snow....." mentality-I (fortunately) had a dad who loved horses and used to train them. He was the only thing keeping me into horses. My mom (god rest her soul, as of today, actually, and this will sound incredibly cold)was a very selfish woman. She hated the $$ spent on my horses ("if you didn't have that horse I could have........(fill in the blank)" and also resented the time my dad and I spent together with the horses. SHe was in the "will NEVER get it" category. ALl this made me appreciate my horse even more. I battled for every time anyone would drive me to the barn. I do understand, really I do. But it really IS a privilege. I gave them up for a time when I was in college, as I did not have time, then I married, had small kids....and eventually (what seemed like forever, with the hubby asking "do we HAVE to move this saddle AGAIN?) got back into them. I am now blessed to be able to afford my retiree and my younger guy. It takes time, but it is SO worth it.


Well, I wish I were spoiled, I did walk 5 miles one way to school and back in 3ft of snow in southern AZ. :rofl:


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

franknbeans said:


> Missy-the post I responded to-you sound like a spoiled brat. JMHO.
> 
> Just so you all don't think I am of the "I walked 5 miles up hill BOTH ways to get to school...in 3 ft deep snow....." mentality-I (fortunately) had a dad who loved horses and used to train them. He was the only thing keeping me into horses. My mom (god rest her soul, as of today, actually, and this will sound incredibly cold)was a very selfish woman. She hated the $$ spent on my horses ("if you didn't have that horse I could have........(fill in the blank)" and also resented the time my dad and I spent together with the horses. SHe was in the "will NEVER get it" category. ALl this made me appreciate my horse even more. I battled for every time anyone would drive me to the barn. I do understand, really I do. But it really IS a privilege. I gave them up for a time when I was in college, as I did not have time, then I married, had small kids....and eventually (what seemed like forever, with the hubby asking "do we HAVE to move this saddle AGAIN?) got back into them. I am now blessed to be able to afford my retiree and my younger guy. It takes time, but it is SO worth it.


I see it differently, but not by much. I fail to thrive w/o a horse. I am not kidding. I was unaware of this fact until I was separated from my horses for a long period of time during a moving effort. I just assume that if a kid has a _true_ _serious_ passion for horses- they, too, will disintegrate w/o one. It is a privilege, of course. But, if someone can afford one for their child and doesn't get them one...from my perspective, that is really bad parenting.


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## MisssMarie (Jan 31, 2012)

I've been told that I'll grow out of it. But, I turn 18 on Saturday. Don't ya think I would've done it by now if I were going to? Im buying my own horse soon as I have a liscense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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