# What do you do when you are frustrated?



## LizzieE (Jun 1, 2012)

I have been working with my green mare for a while now, and should be much farther along in her training, however, due to school and work and other such things, we haven't gotten to work together as much as I'd like. Some days she is an absoulte star, but most days she is a holy terror. The good days make me want to go ride every day, but the bad days make me want to never ride her again. Recently I have been getting frustrated to the point where I am ready to just get off and go home and leave her standing there with all her tack on all night. That would probably be a bad decision. What do you do when you get this frustrated with your horse? Taking a deep breath is not doing the trick anymore.


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

Not all people are cut out to be horse trainers.

It takes a great deal of patience and understanding.

Have you thought of getting help?


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## Ace80908 (Apr 21, 2011)

If I am riding and Whiskey and I are completely butting heads to the point nothing beneficial is happening, and I am getting ****ed off - I know that it's time to get off. So, I get off and lunge her. 

If she was being disrespectful or testing boundaries (which most green horses do), I lunge the snot out of her until she is sweaty and breathing hard - then get back on and ask for something I know she can do so we end on the good note. Then I usually try the next lesson to make sure:

1. I am asking her clearly and calmly for the action.
2. She is physically and mentally ready to give me what I am asking.
3. I don't make excuses for her or me, if she is really fighting me I usually am the problem by not following steps 1 or 2. 

Basically, as soon as you lose your temper and start beating, jerking, spurring, etc - you lose trust and create a fearful horse, which is the root cause of most problems in horses. 

Good luck with your mare - try to get her on a consistent program and you will see results much faster...


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## AmazinCaucasian (Dec 10, 2010)

As you gain experience, the frustration will disappear. You'll know you always have a trick up your sleeve that'll fix your problem. Maybe tell us what specific issues you're having. Are you just not making progress in general? Feel like you're not communicating? Feel like she's not getting it, or not trying?


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## LizzieE (Jun 1, 2012)

I have a lesson once a week, and her previous owner also has a lesson with the same person once a week, so we have some instruction. I just feel like we are not making any progress. I think she may be bored with just trotting in circles all day, so I try to ride her in different areas of the property or do do different exercises with poles etc., but I feel like we can only do so many different things without her getting bored since we can't move on to more difficult and challenging things until we are doing well at the trot. We work on the canter a bit, but I don't feel like we should focus on it until her trot is balanced and rythmic. I feel like we are taking steps backward rather than forward everytime I ride. She is getting worse about rushing, and that is what is frustrating me the most.


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## AmazinCaucasian (Dec 10, 2010)

Rushing at the trot: When she speeds up, stop and back up. Usually horses that hurry are thinking "go forward" too much. You might spend as much time backing as you do going forward, but it'll pay off and her reverse will improve, her rate will improve, and you'll have "cruise control"

*remember when you ask for a stop, ask very lightly and momentarily slack the reins, if she hasn't responded, get harder with the next pull. She'll soon respond to the first request to avoid the harder one. When she stops, release rein pressure and then ask for a back-up. Don't release pressure until you feel an improvement in softness

Do you have any performance goals for her or does she just need to be a dependable safe riding horse?


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I take my horse back to something basic, something we can both do well. End the ride, untack, put the horse away and go home and have a beer.


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## Equenix (May 21, 2012)

I know a little about what you're talking about so here's a little bit of stuff I've learned.
1. Ride as much as you possibly can. Everyday if possible. I know it's a near impossible thing to have to ask but it really makes a diffrence. Babies need the routine and the constant reminder.
2. Lung before each time you ride. It honestly only has to be 2 minutes each day. Not only does it make them work a bit but can tell you their temperament for the day. Also it's better that they have a temper tantrum at the end of the line then when you are riding.
3. Keep the mind busy. Do lots and lots of turns. Every time they attempt to speed up, turn. Do figure eights and serpentines. Make the focus on you and they will understand to listen to the bit. On good days begin to teach leg yields, and turn on the forehands and work that daily into exercises.
4. Most important is to always stay cool and collected. If your having a bad day your horse will test you and make it worse. So try and rein in the frustration and work on only getting a task done even if it's a step of what you wanted. If your feeling especially cranky avoid the first rule and just drop off a treat at the barn. It's better to miss a day then work when your mind is on other places.

Good luck I hope it gets better!


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## apachewhitesox (Dec 9, 2010)

I agree with advice from previous posters. 

I had the same problem with my horse but he is a 14 yr old broke beginners horse who is an ex kids barrel horse. Well at least that is what he was sold to me as. I had the same rushing problem your describing so I feel your frustration and my horse shouldn't of had this problem. I got some help from a friends who breaks in horses and the problem has almost completely ceased at the trot and we are almost ready to start canter work. 

So don't get too upset it will happen eventually I sometimes find just stopping and yelling at the top of my lungs or laughing really hard helps. But I ride alone and have no one to stare at me.


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## MissKatie (Jul 17, 2012)

It sounds like you need a different trainer or a different approach to your method of training


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## Army wife (Apr 29, 2012)

Serpentines and figure 8's are great. Honestly, it sounds kinda like your "beating a dead horse." Her rhythm and all will come with time. There's nothing wrong with loping if she's ready. Babies need constant change, yet consistency. Always end your ride in something she knows well. It will help to build her confidence. Along with that, if your asking something new and she gets frustrated, go back to something she knows. It's all about building blocks with young horses. If you keep doing the same boring thing over and over, she will get bored and start trying to out think you. In my experience, that's when a lot of behavioral problems start. Hope that helps some!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

If we just aren't getting anywhere, I change my perspective. Say I'm lunging and he just isn't getting it, I'll stop, put him on his leadrope and work in hand with him. Or if I'm riding and he isn't getting it, I'll break it down into very small pieces for him to excel at.

You cannot get frustrated in an emotional way. I mean if you are frustrated, you need a dang good poker face with horses because frustration teaches them nothing. It only clouds the message that you are trying to communicate to them. Be it a cue or a 'what not to do, EVER' situation.

Jeez this mare used to be heavy in my hands and rush and she used to frustrate me like no other. I finally got sick of it and made her work really really hard when she rushed and eventually she got to a place where she could softly but nicely trot no problem and not be heavy. I just.. changed my perspective of how I handled a problem.


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## rookie (May 14, 2012)

Hi, 

I would agree with a lot of what has been said earlier. I would also ask if you go out and ride everyday with the same goal? How long do you ride? I would end on what you know she does well. I would keep sessions short. I am kicking myself for not ending a session early this morning. He was great moving to the right and go into a frame. I then tried to get him to go to the left and get in a frame. I was so focused on getting him into the frame that we both just lost the plot and ended up frustrated. 

I would suggest if she is safe enough for it. Get out of the ring. Do something with no expectations and go for a hack. Go out one day and just have fun. That might mean that you don't ride at all. Just do something with this horse that will make you like this horse more. Then come to the arena do a circle each way and go back for a hack. That way she comes at the arena with fresh eyes.


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## ThursdayNext (Oct 18, 2011)

LizzieE said:


> due to school and work and other such things, we haven't gotten to work together as much as I'd like.


This is probably a big piece of the problem, such as it is. Consistency and frequency are so key when you're working with your horse to develop a skill. 

You've got a couple of choices there:
either rearrange your schedule so that you can spend time working with the horse more frequently, even if it means working with the horse in smaller blocks of time

or

adjust your opinions about what *should* be happening and how fast it *should* be happening.

Frustration comes because you have an expectation that is not being met. You can either fix the situation so that the expectation has a higher chance of getting met, or you can fix the expectation.


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## LizzieE (Jun 1, 2012)

Good news! I had a friend come out today who rides a completely different discipline and asked her to help me out since I need a fresh pair of eyes. Things went great! She got on and saw what I was dealing with and was able to give me advice that helped me tons! My trainer has tought me to try to slow my mare down, so much so that she is hardly moving forward and prancing with her knees up to her eyeballs. She is just a ball of pent up energy trying to explode. My friend told me to try letting her move forward and letting her get some of that energy out in the beginning, and focus less on slowing her down and more on getting her to take bigger steps, rather than tiny little fast ones. She was still rushing a bit, but I didn't feel like she was going to explode. We were both so much more relaxed. One step at a time!


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## COWCHICK77 (Jun 21, 2010)

Glad things went better!

Someone here said, "where knowledge ends, frustration begins" and I think this is so wise.
If you are frustrated it is because you are not sure how to fix a problem or progress. This is proven even in your last post. Someone gave you knowledge on how to fix a problem, it worked and you both ended on a happy note and satisfied.

When I get frustrated I know it is time to seek more knowledge or do some major problem solving in my head.


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## Army wife (Apr 29, 2012)

That's awesome! It's nice to have a fresh perspective on things sometimes 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FaydesMom (Mar 25, 2012)

> My trainer has tought me to try to slow my mare down, so much so that she is hardly moving forward and prancing with her knees up to her eyeballs. She is just a ball of pent up energy trying to explode


My goodness, I'm not surprised you are getting frustrated. Poor girl is probably confused beyond all get out. Those maneuvers are much more demanding for a solidly trained horse, not a greenie. May I ask what discipline you are trying to teach?? 

It sounds too me like you just need to "ride" her and let her get solid on the very basics, and to learn that riding is not some terrible torment all the time. Once she is solid on all the basics and enjoys working with you, you may find you have much much less resistance.


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## LizzieE (Jun 1, 2012)

It is not that we are trying to get her to look like she is prancing. That's just how she reacts to my half halts when I try to slow her down. We are working on dressage.


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## Failbhe (May 8, 2012)

This is kind of the same as some things other people have already said, but when my mare is being silly I start _reeeeeally _exaggerating my cues (never to the point of hurting her, just making myself look like a dork :wink and then gushing praise all over her when she finally does it right. She kind of looks like "Oh, THAT'S what you wanted!!!" Or, if that doesn't seem to be helping, then I'll switch it up. If I'm trying to do groundwork and she isn't listening, I'll hop on and go for a trot and work out some of her energy. Or if she isn't listening under saddle, I'll get off (even in the middle of a field, wherever we are) and start doing some groundwork. 

That's great that your friend was able to help you out! Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes is exactly what we need.


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