# Barn Drama!



## Amarea (May 25, 2010)

Um wow. If you came at me with that attitude I would have gotten even more snarky with you than she did. It's her horse. If you don't want to ride, then just tell her that. Don't jump her butt because you don't agree with her training methods. It's her horse and she can do with it what she wants. I completely feel you were wrong in the way you told her that.

ETA - please clean the language in that post please.


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## Beau Baby (Oct 28, 2008)

Thanks for the reply. How do yo think I should have told her? She needs to know this stuff. She never rides her horse and she expects to show her horse. She's been showing 2 seasons and she's gotten eliminated at shows both seasons because she doesn't put the training in to her horse. she blames it on not being able to come out but I'm friends with her mom and I know for a fact that she can get out.


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

You were wrong to act like that. IMO it is none of your business how she trains your horse, or wether you agree with it, unless she is beating it, its none of your business. If you didnt want to ride her horse anymore then say you dont want to, you dont need to go on with everything thats wrong with him, that puts ANYONE in defence mode, if someone insulted my horse like that i would probably reply a lot meaner then she did. 

It is not your job to tell people what theyre doing wrong, or how well they ride, thats your trainers job. 

In all, to me you sound like a teenage girl with a tampon up her butt. haha not the nicest way to put it, but we all have those kinds of moments. 

I dont know all your background information with her, but to me you were beign very rude acting like that, and it seemed like you were looking for drama. If i were you i would go back and say sorry for acting like that.


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## Amarea (May 25, 2010)

Honestly? You shouldn't have. You should have said "I'm sorry but I won't be riding your horse anymore for personal reasons."

As I said before, it is NOT your horse and it doesn't matter how YOU think it should be trained. You have no ownership rights or say so and to push YOUR opinions on the owner, ESPECIALLY in that manner, was rude, immature and uncalled for. She is under the tutelage of a trainer. Leave the critiques and opinions to the person that has been HIRED to give that opinion.


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## Beau Baby (Oct 28, 2008)

So she shouldn't be told how to better help her horse and herself? If you guys say so.


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

she shouldnt be told like that, or in that situation, or by someone she doesnt want advice from.


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## Amarea (May 25, 2010)

When she pays you for advice, then give it and I suggest you don't give it in that manner. You seem to have an overinflated ego and are coming across like an extreme know it all. You need to take a step back and put yourself in HER shoes. Would you like someone to tell YOU what to do with YOUR horse in a cursing, childish way? Doubt it. That makes people automatically go on the defensive.


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## GreyRay (Jun 15, 2010)

Wow... That was harsh... If someone I knew in person talked to me like that over the interwebs, the nearest time I saw them, they would be crying with a bloody nose.
She was paying you to ride Her horse. Therefor you were HER imployee. Only the Boss gets to rip someone like that if they were doing something wrong. If you didnt agree with her ways of training, simply tell her you didnt want to work for her anymore. Thats it.

As a matter of fact, this 'barn drama' is your fault.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

If you told me how to train my horse when i didn't ask you how I should train my horse then I would probably tell you off worse than she did.


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## Beau Baby (Oct 28, 2008)

In the first post i sent her giving her the advice i wasn't swearing at her. it was after she got all defensive and rude to me. 

and Amarea I actually do appreciate advice on my riding and training of my horse. I want to be as good as I can be and if that involves getting advice form people around my barn then yes I want it.


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## Amarea (May 25, 2010)

No, in your first post you criticized her horse. 

Regardless, you were wrong to act that way. You had no right to act like that.


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

But if you got it in that form you would get defensive, anyone who owns a horse would, its naturally human. You have to compeletly take the bias out of it, wipe your mind and pretend your one of us, then re read that conversation and look where you went wrong.


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## wyominggrandma (Nov 4, 2009)

I personally don't think it is your business to tell her how you think she is a bad rider and her horse doesn't do what you think it should. If you don't live at the barn 24/7, then you have no knowledge how often she is out there, maybe she makes sure you are not there when she is. You should have just said" I can't ride your horse anymore".. end of story.
To tell her "you are not a good rider, but I am such a good rider and can do so much better than you and the trainer likes me so much she give me expensive horses to ride" is wrong and rude. 
You handled it wrong.


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## Beau Baby (Oct 28, 2008)

I never told her she was bad and that I was better. she was the one who told me i sucked. If you guys reread it you'll see that I never said she sucked, I just gave her some tips on how to be better. and no I don't live at the barn 24/7 but i'm very close friends with one of the working students. they're in the barn till like 9 at night most times and she never sees Lady X. barn is closed at 10.


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

so, why do you care if she ever goes to the barn to see her horse? it gets fed, watered, lives in a nice place, she takes lessons on it, thats the life my horse would love! haha. 
all im saying is you could have done that better, maybe you like critisism, but a lot of people dont, so dont give it unless you get payed to or are asked, thats what ive learned.


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## Amarea (May 25, 2010)

You are proving in your responses that you see no fault in how you approached this so I really don't know what else to say. You were incredibly rude to her pure and simple. Suck it up, be an adult and apologize. It's no wonder you have barn drama.


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## Amarea (May 25, 2010)

Beau Baby said:


> Me:
> Alright so I've come to the decision that I can't ride Brass for you anymore. Not because I'm to busy but because I don't agree with the way your training him. *Your horse has no sense of bend and roundness, not even at the walk. they should go round naturally, at least at the walk and Brass can't even do that.* You need to lunge him in side reins a whole hell of a lot and you need to get out there everyday and work with him.
> *I can't tell you what to do but you need to know that your not ever gonna get any better with him if you don't go back to the basics.* and I'm saying this as a friend trying to help you move up in your riding.


Wow. Here you do essentially tell her that her horse sucks because he can't do something that should come naturally to him. Then you tell her SHE sucks by telling her she won't get better.



Beau Baby said:


> Me:
> That's complete poo poo an you know it. You just had me riding him a couple times cause you were "busy" and the like month or 2 or 3 before that you only came out for jump lessons. I highly doubt ts neck problems because he NEVER bends. I'm not gonna start arguing wit you AGAIN but *when you guys just barely scrape by at shows or when you get eliminated or yelled at by Tricia you can NO LONGER came ignorance because I TOLD YOU how you can train him properly and you blew me off!*


Again, telling her that they suck by stating that they barely scrape by.




Beau Baby said:


> Me:
> *so your 8th place and being eliminated is not barely scraping by?* I always here her yelling at you to bend properly and get the proper canter lead so don't b****** me and lie about how you guys do so well and how you actually ride your horse. i'm not f****** stupid


Again, insinuating she sucks.

I'm sorry but you are incredibly condescending in what you wrote to her. It's no wonder she doesn't like you. Yes, that's blunt but my god... Look at how much you just slammed her! IMO, your barn problems are stemming from your attitude and the fact that she doesn't like it. Look how many times she asked you to STOP sending her messages and you kept going and slamming her into the ground?


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

I agree with what has been said. In the future, if you want to have this type of conversation with someone, it is more appropiate to say it to their face so that it at least has the chance to take the form of a discussion, rather than a monologue. If possible, it is always good to have a third party (i.e. your trainer) present to moderate if the discussion becomes heated and either party becomes unfair to the other.

More importantly, if this is someone that 'hates' you, what on earth are you doing working their horse for them? Of course not everyone in life is going to like you necessarily but if someone is already causing you trouble, working for them is not a smart decision, especially if you don't have to.

Edited to add: If someone had have sent me a message/email similar to your first one, I wouldn't have even bothered replying, not worth taking seriously. Sounds like you are both young. When you get older you will learn more appropiate techniques for dealing with these types of situations so that a more positive outcome can be achieved.


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## sandy2u1 (May 7, 2008)

I agree with others who have posted. The way you talked to her was far from helpful. You were very mean and hurtful to her. Even when she told you to stop responding, you went on and on. You do not own the horse and are not invested in it financially, so it is none of your business. As long as the animal is not being abused, then stay out of it! You would be wise to spend your time developing your own horsemanship skills and riding ability instead of running around the barn worrying about what everyone else is doing.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

It is late and I am grouchy but I will say this anyway. Do you realize that YOUR behaviour is just as much a contributor to 'barn drama' as anyone else's?


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## whitetrashwarmblood (Aug 24, 2008)

I think... I would be really POed if that was me you were talking to. 
If you don't want to ride her horse anymore than just say that. Saying that you don't agree with her training methods and going on and on about why is just going to annoy/anger her. 

She hates you? Than why did she pay you to ride her horse? 
And what are you, a vet? How do you know if there really isn't something wrong with his neck? She's the owner, and she feels like he needs to have the chiropractor out. 

Heck, you're upset that she doesn't come out to ride enough? At our barn we're lucky if half of our boarders come out to ride more than 5 times a year! And absolutely none of them take lessons, but that's none of our business. Not everybody can make it out 3 or 4 times a week to ride. Cut her some slack.


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## GuitarChump (Sep 8, 2010)

Why do you care about what she does anyway? It's not effecting you or your horse in any way so stop being dramatic and looking for a pat on the back for "helping" someone out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## equestrian (Oct 12, 2010)

Wow you acted like a stuck up know it all immature child. I'm surprised she was as nice to you as she was. You were obnoxious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shenandoah (Aug 9, 2010)

Have to agree with everyone else here.

You stated "before our coach flipped out at her in a jump lesson, yelled at her and told her to ride her <bleeped> horse more"

So you know that her trainer has ALREADY told her this. This is an issue between her and her trainer ONLY, it does not involve you.
And believe me, she knows EXACTLY where she placed in shows, and she knows EXACTLY what the trainer has said to her. She doesn't need you to repeat it, and to be honest, the way you say it comes off as quite rude.

She knows she isn't riding perfectly, but one of two things is likely going on:
1) she doesn't care - riding might just not be as important to her as it is to you
or 2) she doesn't have the time - there could be family things going on at home, or other things in her life, that prevent her from putting the effort into her horse.

In either case, there's nothing you can do about it. As long as the horse is being cared for, it's none of your business.

Dealing with these issues is your trainer's job. That's what she has experience doing, and that's what she's paid to do. Trust her to handle it appropriately; don't try to take it in your own hands.


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## JennKzoo (Sep 23, 2010)

Its really great that you know so much about horses, and that maybe someday you will be able to use that.
BUT, you seriously need to go to the barn, work with YOUR horse and YOUR horse alone until you know how to better communicate with others. I don't understand WHY you are working someones horse that hates you. Oh wait yes I do, it gives you a chance to be a know it all and an I told you so person towards this other girl. 
This is the kind of stuff that turns people off from boarding at a stable or getting involved in 4H or other horse groups. NO ONE wants to be put down about the way they performed in a show or such things. And if I found out my teenage daughter was saying those types of things online or in person to someone else their horse would be sold so fast and their computer would be out the door.
You are at a PUBLIC facility and there are other adults, kids and families who want to enjoy what they are paying for without childish "barn drama". 
Personally, I would not want my girls to be treated in such a manner that it would stick with them the rest of their life and possibly keep them from going to shows or working with their horses because a peer made some nasty remarks about their horse or their riding ability (not everyone has been riding since they could walk).
Gee, now at the bottom of the page I see this is not your first thread regarding "barn drama" and in your first thread you were upset because no one would even reply to YOUR DRAMA.


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## Bethy (Aug 31, 2010)

First off, if she is paying you to ride then you are technically not an amateur rider...are you still showing as armature? Because then you are in the wrong and this can effect both you and your trainer.

Second, how she trains her horse is not your business. I have a horse that has issues with bending and we work on it every day. She had a huge neck injury years ago (A horse decided to try to eat my Lucy!  ) and now it looks like she is not bending the proper way, when in all actuality she is trying! 
You sound full of yourself putting her horse show results in her face as the judgement of her horsemanship and treatment of her horse! Sometimes horses, like people, just don't like stress of tests! Sometimes the best horses win and sometimes they are DQ'ed. I don't remember who said it, but at the WEG jumping finals the rider spoke and said "Most of the times the Shows come down to who is the luckiest". Does Rodrigo Pessoa (My boyfriend <3) deserve 4th place because his last horse was just tired and wanted to go home? Maybe so, but that horse is still worth more and better trained than any horse that any of us will ever have the opportunity to jump with! 

Maybe this girl shows for fun! Thats what I do! I'm in my mid 20's, I don't expect to ever get a training job, or to go to nationals....so I dont care if a 16 year old beats me in the ring. There are bigger things in the world than your horses bending and place it gets. As long as she loves her animal and gives it food than she is fine with me!

As for the "She never comes up!" Well, when you start to pay for every cost your horse aquires and all of the "human bills" you will realize that you need to work darn hard to support a horse and yourself. I work 50 hours a week at one job, and I do odd jobs at the barn for extra money. Sometimes its hard to go up there everyday to take care of my horse. I usually ask one of my friends to at least throw her in the turn out when I cant make it. Does that make me a bad horse owner?!


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Folks, while I agree with many replies here, I think it's time to move on with the thread because 1) it's going in circles and 2) at this point jumping on OP over and over again with the same arguments is no better than her dialogue with the horse owner. 

I'll be closing this thread. BB, if you want to continue to discuss the barn drama here, let me know, please.


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