# So frustrated. :/



## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

Well, I've finally found a horse that I had planned on buying. Rode her twice, love her. A green (but solid trail horse, just green with arena work) chestnut tb mare that's built like a tank.
So, here's why it's in the section. My friend's been planning on moving his horses home to his house and keeping them in his own barn, and we've been talking about it for the past year or so, going to clean up the pasture, walking the fence, pricing supplies at the store, etc. I was helping him do basically everything, we were gonna split round pen costs and be the only two at the barn until he built a second one. His mum has known for awhile that I planned on bringing the horse I buy there and what we were doing including payment, pricing, help, board, etc.
Sounds great, huh? I was suppose to pay $100 a month, plus buy my own hay. Not bad at all, and we were both happy with it. We love riding together, our riding abilities are just about the same, and rather good for our ages. The only difference we have is what we plan on feeding, and that's about it.
As I said, his mum has known about all of this. As soon as she found out I planned on buying this horse in October/early December she decided to tell him she doesn't want me on the property and that he's not allowed to let me board my horse there. According to their "talk", she's upset about when I brought my friend to the barn we're currently boarding at/leasing from. She has it in her mind that I must have went behind my mum's back and lied to her because of the fact that the friend I brought isn't our age. I told our BO that I was coming with my friend that over 18 since I wanted to show him the horse I was riding/training. Apparently BO assumed that it was a female friend from school, which it was not. She said it was fine after I texted her that I was coming out, so I went out. I could understand her being a little put off because thefact that she lives on property and that everything her and her boarders have are there. If she would've asked, I would've went into further detail about who exactly it was, but I knew he wasn't going to come back and steal anything (let alone be able to find his way back without me). My friend's mum also assumes that I must have had sex or did something at the barn (no, not really..I'm actually really offended about that).
But so, I now have nowhere to keep the horse I planned on buying, and I'm extremely frustrated. Why would his mum feel the need to wait until I make plans to buy a horse and actual set up the buy to say I couldn't board there? I don't know what to do now. The seller pretty much needs the horse gone, I really want the horse, and I've already said I would buy her. So I either need to find a place to board that is affordable, call the seller and let her know what happened and why I can't buy the horse anymore, or..well, those are my only options. I'm going to look into other affordable boarding stables, and hopefully I can find one before the end of the month that isn't ages away. I only want pasture board with hay, so I don't want a fancy barn with a ton of stalls and a bunch of amenities. I'm hoping that my only wanting that will be easier to find or discuss arrangements with barns, but I'm struggling with connections currently. I've only been to the barn I'm currently at, and she's closing at the end of the month (still be able to lease though). I'm going to try and talk to her about it and see if she knows anyone/anywhere or if she'd talk to my friend's mum and vouch for me. I'm a good barn-goer. I always clean up, I always ask if I can bring someone out, I always double check stalls/gates/latches/doors/etc. I'm just so frustrated she waited so long to say that there's no way she'd let me stay there with a horse. She knew the plans, so what was the point in scrambling them all up pretty much last minute? :/

I'm not really sure what I plan on getting out of this post, but think it was basically to just get it out, ya know? I can't talk to my daddy anymore since he died (I was closest with him), I don't have a relationship with my mum (not even half decent), and most of my friend's have no clue what I'm talking about. So I'm at a loss of what to do, I guess. Hope it was atleast understandable? Heh
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WesternSpice (Aug 28, 2011)

That sounds like a real **** me off. If I were you, I would stay away from this woman. I've had my fair share of run ins with crazies, and she sounds like one of them. Could you ask the seller to hold the horse for you for a couple days until you find temporary homing, or something of the likes?


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## catsandhorses (Aug 6, 2011)

This sounds like a difficult situation and I don't blame you for being frustrated. Would you be willing to try one more time to speak with your friend's mom to try to sort things out? If so, here is an approach I would recommend:

Call (don't text, pick up the phone and talk to her) and tell her that the purpose of your call is to speak with her because you believe there may be some misunderstanding around boarding a horse you are hoping/planning to purchase. A face to face conversation would be better if you can arrange that. Explain to her how you and your friend have worked on the property and how you search for and found a suitable horse to buy, with the expectation that you would be able to board your horse on her property for a reasonable fee of $100.

Now, it seems to me like no one included your friend’s mom in formulating these plans which was a mistake on your part because, if my assumption is correct, your friend's mom owns this property. If I am correct about this then your best bet is to own up to your error and apologize. Put your most mature foot forward and simple explain that you now realize that you may have made an error in your planning by assuming this would work out without clearing it with her first. And apologize - apologies go a long way.

Then explain that you are now in a predicament because you are prepared to purchase and care for this horse, you along with her son have spent time (and money?) preparing her land for your horse's arrival. And then ask her if there is any way that she might reconsider letting you board your horse there. 

Be prepared for her to say "no". If she does, tell her that you certainly respect her decision, however ask if she might be willing to explain any of her concerns. If you can get her to open up about her concerns then it might give you a chance to have a dialogue allowing you to address her concerns. Perhaps ask her for a 3 month trial period whereby if you are not practicing good horsemanship (as defined by safe riding and proper care of your horse) then you will find your horse a new home.

It sounds like you might have picked up a bit of a reputation which is never fun. But it is what it is and only you can dispel those rumors. The way to do so is to act like a mature adult, and not engage in arguments over whether the allegations are true. If someone asks, simply respond, "That is untrue and I am not wish to participate in rumor mills."

The bottom line is that communication is the only way to clear things up at this point. Hopefully she is willing to talk to you. IF you demonstrate to her by the way you conduct yourself in this conversation and demonstrate to her that you have a solid plan to care for your horse, she might reconsider. But I would by prepared for an unwavering "no", in which case you owe it to yourself to be polite and mature in your response. "I respect your decision. Thank you for your time." And then let it go. Things do always work out the way we hope but all we can do is try.

Hopefully at least some of what I've written here will be of value to you. Good luck to you. Post an update in this thread to let us know how things work out.


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## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

Thanks guys.
I'm planning on having a discussion about it with her at some point sooner rather than later.
My friend told me that she knew about the plans, that I've been helping him, etc.
I'm done with my lease on Lucky the end of this month, so I'll have the $100 I've been using that for board, and my mum said that she'd help me out with farrier, vet, any emergency costs, and hay if I couldn't get it in exchange for work around our house.
I'm just worried that if I do board there on a trial period, there won't be anywhere else around I can afford to board at because all the other barns' prices are so high because they have trails, arenas, stalls, etc. And I don't want to have that issue after I buy her and then have her seller (she's a friend who has the stipulation of buying her back for the same price if she feels I'm not taking proper care of her [my horsemanship is a little higher than hers, so that shouldn't be a problem at all] or if I can't keep her anymore for any reason) have to take her back if I can't provide boarding. I feel like if I'm not positive I have a third backup plan that is affordable in every aspect, then I should just let the seller know and leave it at that so that she can sell the horse to someone else who can provide all of that. Even though I don't want to give up this horse since she seems like we'd work amazingly together and that we'd be great partners.

I'll talk to my friend's mum (yes, the current property owner), and see what she has to say about why exactly she doesn't want me there and what I could do to be able to stay there. I'm also going to talk to my current BO about possibly keeping her in the bottom run-in that she's still leasing out to two boarders. And there's a self care facility across the road from my friend's house that I could look into because I will most likely be there every day working with the horse. And one other barn that another friend is boarding at that is only ~$230 or so and it includes hay.
I'm hoping I can get this sorted out soon. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

I would back out of this one completely.
You are not financially able to securely own a horse right now without a whole list of possible discounts.
And I read that the seller can buy back the horse for the same price if SHE feels he isnt getting proper care????
Then you won't really own the horse at all. She can say you speak to him too harshly, I am buying him back.
Bad deal. Walk away.
Don't kid yourself you love or need This horse, there are plenty of others.
Find another horse to lease until you are in a more stable financial position.
If you can not afford to buy and board a horse without multiple discounts, then you cannot afford to keep one at all.
Sorry.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

I agree with Skips. 

I also wouldn't even try to work out boarding at your friends. What will you do with the horse the next time your friends mom hears a rumor and wants you off her property? Too much risk in that boarding situation imo. 

And I certainly wouldn't buy a horse with that stipulation. If he bites you and you swat him, she might take him back? Or whatever she thinks isn't appropriate? Yikes, no thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QOS (Dec 8, 2008)

I would walk away from horse and boarding situation. 

It doesn't sound good for you. (I am a wedding cake designer - I had a bride tell me once that her boyfriend wanted to break up with her at one point....she told him in no uncertain terms "No, it won't be good for me"...:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol: I just cracked up laughing when she told me that. But I have come away with a very good mind set for somethings from what Casey told me and that is "No, it won't be good for me". 

Who needs a former owner jerking you around. She may never breath a word to you but once you buy a horse, other than right of refusal...the horse is yours and not for her to think "ooohhh...horsey is doing so well..training, etc....hummm...he needs to be mine again" and there you go with I want the horse back because you didn't put cowboy magic in his delicate little mane" or some other crap. 

As for the boarding....it is her right to have what/who she wants on her property. I am assuming you are underage. I know as a homeowner I would be very careful about who I let on my property with a horse. Even if you never though you could be hurt etc. you might be and then your parent may sue for medical. It is just a fact of home ownership. She might not have the insurance to cover this. 

I would find some place else to board. You will have less of a headache and avoid a whole lot of drama. JMHO


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## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

I'm not looking for discounts..? I just said I'm not willing to pay ~300+ for board when I only want pasture board for the horse. If that's what I made it seem like in my previous post, I apologise.
What I mean by not taking proper care, I mean not having a place to board/not getting farrier work done/never calling vet out if there's problems. Seller could care less if I smack the horse, etc, that's not what I was meaning.
And after thinking about it more today, I'm not even going to try to board at my friend's. If my friend's mum doesn't like me, she might take it out on the horse, and I'm not willing to risk that.
I'm 17, by the time I get the horse it will be 4-5 months before I'm a legal adult, so I'm not really worried about my mum trying to sue at all.
If I missed anything else, bring it back up and I can explain more?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

Skipsfirstspike said:


> I would back out of this one completely.
> You are not financially able to securely own a horse right now without a whole list of possible discounts.
> And I read that the seller can buy back the horse for the same price if SHE feels he isnt getting proper care????
> Then you won't really own the horse at all. She can say you speak to him too harshly, I am buying him back.
> ...


I have to agree


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

catsandhorses said:


> This sounds like a difficult situation and I don't blame you for being frustrated. Would you be willing to try one more time to speak with your friend's mom to try to sort things out? If so, here is an approach I would recommend:
> 
> Call (don't text, pick up the phone and talk to her) and tell her that the purpose of your call is to speak with her because you believe there may be some misunderstanding around boarding a horse you are hoping/planning to purchase. A face to face conversation would be better if you can arrange that. Explain to her how you and your friend have worked on the property and how you search for and found a suitable horse to buy, with the expectation that you would be able to board your horse on her property for a reasonable fee of $100.
> 
> ...


Kudos' for a good post. The mom may have waited to say something because you may not have gotten a horse and why make an issue if it didn't materialize. Another issue may be insurance. My insurance won't cover me if I board horses.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

Dresden said:


> I agree with Skips.
> 
> 
> And I certainly wouldn't buy a horse with that stipulation. If he bites you and you swat him, she might take him back? Or whatever she thinks isn't appropriate? Yikes, no thanks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I would just change the stipulation that she has 1st right of refusal if you decide to sell the horse.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

If you buy this horse with those restrictions, make sure you get the exact reasons she can take the horse back in the contract. With it written the way it is she could in fact buy him back if you smack him and she doesn't like it. Make the contract as specific as possible. She may be your friend but you just never know what friends will do on down the line. Some of the threads under horse law illustrate that perfectly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

I completely understand about the contract. I plan on revising it and making it more detailed if she already has one written up (I think she has 1st refusal for all the horses she sells).
And I know about the friend's thing, it's happened to me before. It was bad without worrying I was going to have my horse evicted/bought back, I definitely don't want to go down that road again with the horse issues on top of it.
I'm glad I'm actually getting some feedback on this whole situation, it gives me something to think about from different views while I'm doing nothing in school.  If I don't find a for sure boarding arrangment I can afford, I will call the seller back and tell her that I cannot find an affordable (or worth the amount of money) place to board, and therefore cannot buy the horse from her. I'd feel bad about it and be sad (for lack of better vocabulary), but if I can't take care of the horse to my standards, I just won't be able to have one until I can. Which I understand, and I will not lower my own standards for a partner I'll be sitting on everyday, lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

I am glad you are considering all of this.
If you buy this horse, make sure there are No stipulations. The only one I would consider would be the right of first refusal, but sorry, she doesn't get to name the price. I wouldn't sign a contract about it either. I would offer it as a courtesy, but if she moves or goes on vacation where I can't find her, sorry. Once you sell something, you give up all of your rights toward it.
Regardless, I hope it all works out for you.


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## Shenandoah (Aug 9, 2010)

Another issue with first right of refusal - how hard do you have to try to track her down if you decide to sell? If you own the horse 15 years, and haven't talked to her in 10 of those years, and she's moved three times during that period, and gotten remarried and has a new last name... you get the idea.
You don't want to give up finding her, sell the horse to someone else, and then have her find you and say you didn't have a right to sell it without coming to her first.

Personally, I would never buy a horse with _any_ stipulations attached. But if you're going to, make sure ALL the details are well understood and written down.


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