# How to say 'no' when they ask to use my car?



## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

Can you use your insurance as an excuse? Whenever you loan your car out, you loan the insurance out too. Is he on the policy? If not and he drives it on even a semi regular basis, your insurance company can refuse to pay if he gets in an accident. Call your insurance company or an anonymous hotline right now and find out. 
It will cost more money to add people to your insurance. Is your mom on it too?

*note: these insurance references are as it is in Canada.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe (Feb 8, 2011)

"No"

If he doesn't contribute toward the payments or insurance, then he has no claim in the car.

If he wants to be a butt, make him sign something saying that it has to returnes in the same condition as he left with it. That sounds overly controlling, but if he uses your gas, breaks the vehicle, and steals money out of it, what else is there to do? I wouldn't let him drive it AT ALL if I were you. Destruction of your personal property is not something he should be allowed to get away with.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Why doesn't he have his own car? Legitimate question. A grown-*** man shouldn't be 'borrowing' everyone else's car to drive around.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Well, it really isn't your car. It's your moms car - she's paying for it.

It is on your mother to intervene and make him stop driving the car. Stop leaving money in the car and put in only as much gas as you're using. As for your aunt and uncle, they need to do a better job of hiding their keys and if he's made a copy, take it back.

Your stepfather sounds like a bad thing waiting to happen. He's technically stealing the cars and your mom is ok with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sahara (Jul 23, 2010)

BarrelWannabe said:


> "No"
> 
> If he doesn't contribute toward the payments or insurance, then he has no claim in the car.


Well, from this line of reasoning, Britt doesn't have any claim to the car either.


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

JustDressageIt said:


> Can you use your insurance as an excuse? Whenever you loan your car out, you loan the insurance out too. Is he on the policy? If not and he drives it on even a semi regular basis, your insurance company can refuse to pay if he gets in an accident. Call your insurance company or an anonymous hotline right now and find out.
> It will cost more money to add people to your insurance. Is your mom on it too?
> 
> *note: these insurance references are as it is in Canada.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not sure if he's on the policy or not. I know my mom is, though. All we have on my car is basic insurance for wrecks and stuff... I think. My mom's told me before, but didn't really explain it very well... I don't know much about our insurance...



Speed Racer said:


> Why doesn't he have his own car? Legitimate question. A grown-*** man shouldn't be 'borrowing' everyone else's car to drive around.


It's a long story... but basically, they do have their own car, but my stepfather put the wrong key in the switch and the car locked up on them. It won't let them crank it right now and the alarm goes off whenever they even open the door. This happened last week, and he was supposed to take the car to the dealership to get everything reset on it, but hasn't done it yet because he thinks he can just borrow everyone's vehicles and everything will be ok. He only thinks about himself. My mom is probably going to have to take the car to the dealership herself because he won't get around to doing it until he absolutely has to. 



DancingArabian said:


> Well, it really isn't your car. It's your moms car - she's paying for it.
> 
> It is on your mother to intervene and make him stop driving the car. Stop leaving money in the car and put in only as much gas as you're using. As for your aunt and uncle, they need to do a better job of hiding their keys and if he's made a copy, take it back.
> 
> ...


Exactly, the car isn't technically mine, it's my mothers, since she is paying everything on it. My mom probably won't intervene, though... I am going to stop leaving money in the car, and I do only put in as much gas as I need to get to and from college and to and from work.


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

Sahara said:


> Well, from this line of reasoning, Britt doesn't have any claim to the car either.


Not yet, at least. My stepfather totalled the car I was supposed to get when I turned 16, and because he did that, he bought me my first car instead of my mom, but then he turned around and sold that car right out from under me a few months later and I was car-less for about a year (borrowing my mom's extra car at the time). She bought the Hyundai for me, since I needed a way to and from college, but took over the payments and insurance.

Once it's completely paid off, it will be put in my name as long as we haven't decided to trade it in or anything.

So basically, it's in her name, but it's my car.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

What a frustrating situation.....


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Britt said:


> I'm not sure if he's on the policy or not. I know my mom is, though. All we have on my car is basic insurance for wrecks and stuff... I think. My mom's told me before, but didn't really explain it very well... I don't know much about our insurance...


You _really_ need to look at the policy and figure out what type of insurance you have. You/your mother could be totally screwed six ways from Sunday if your stepfather causes an accident and bodily harm to another person(s). 

If your mother only has the very basics of insurance on the vehicle it may be all that's necessary for the _state_ but you'll be up a creek without a paddle if something catastrophic happens, and if your stepfather drives as badly as you say, it's not IF something happens but WHEN.

I carry an enormous policy on my truck, but it stood me in good stead when I totaled my vehicle back in February. The accident was my fault, and my insurance covered not only my vehicle, but the hospitalization of the other driver, gave her book value on her vehicle, paid for towing on both vehicles, as well as rental vehicles for both of us until we found other ones to purchase.

Had I not had all of that on my policy, the other driver could (and probably should) have sued me for damages. 

Sure, I went over 38 years without having an accident that was my fault, but I'd rather pay for a major insurance policy and have the coverage should I need it, than HOPE nothing bad ever happens.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Is there anyplace safe but hidden where you could safely store a container of gas or two? Fill a container instead of the car and hide the rest.

He sounds like a real winner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

Have you politely sat down with your mother and shared your concerns? Moms can be tricky. You SHOULD be able to go up and tell your mom anything. She SHOULD be willing to help her child. But she is a woman, still and might deny fervently that there is no fault at all with her man and might get defensive. My mom is type A so I don't know how to deal with type B, but I would still try. "hey mom, could I talk to you about a few things that are bothering me?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

As a couple he and your Mom may view their property as joint and therefore he is also paying for said vehicle.

My hubby and I have 3 vehicles and none are "his", "hers" or whatever except the truck which as a joke is referred to as mine. Even when I was a stay-home mom and unemployed, the $$ wasn't "his", it was "ours" and if you were to drive up and ask about *my* horse, he'd refer to him as "ours" even though he doesn't even like horses really.


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

themacpack said:


> What a frustrating situation.....


Yes, it really is... 



Speed Racer said:


> You _really_ need to look at the policy and figure out what type of insurance you have. You/your mother could be totally screwed six ways from Sunday if your stepfather causes an accident and bodily harm to another person(s).
> 
> If your mother only has the very basics of insurance on the vehicle it may be all that's necessary for the _state_ but you'll be up a creek without a paddle if something catastrophic happens, and if your stepfather drives as badly as you say, it's not IF something happens but WHEN.
> 
> ...


Yes, I know I need to. I have the insurance cards... would I be able to just call them, explain that my mom owns the car, but I drive it, and would they give me the insurance information as far as what is covered and all? Or would I need my mom's permission since the insurance is in her name?



DancingArabian said:


> Is there anyplace safe but hidden where you could safely store a container of gas or two? Fill a container instead of the car and hide the rest.
> 
> He sounds like a real winner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, I used to really like him, but over the past few years, I've gotten to where I really don't want to even be around him... 



LadyDreamer said:


> Have you politely sat down with your mother and shared your concerns? Moms can be tricky. You SHOULD be able to go up and tell your mom anything. She SHOULD be willing to help her child. But she is a woman, still and might deny fervently that there is no fault at all with her man and might get defensive. My mom is type A so I don't know how to deal with type B, but I would still try. "hey mom, could I talk to you about a few things that are bothering me?"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I haven't, because my mother and I con't really talk that much. We're more like sisters, not mother and daughter, and she gets annoyed really easily, and when she gets annoyed, there's no talking to her. The last time I tried to talk to her about something serious, she got all defensive and mad and ended up screaming at me about how it wasn't her problem and all. That was back when I was still in middle school. I haven't approached her about anything serious since...



Delfina said:


> As a couple he and your Mom may view their property as joint and therefore he is also paying for said vehicle.
> 
> My hubby and I have 3 vehicles and none are "his", "hers" or whatever except the truck which as a joke is referred to as mine. Even when I was a stay-home mom and unemployed, the $$ wasn't "his", it was "ours" and if you were to drive up and ask about *my* horse, he'd refer to him as "ours" even though he doesn't even like horses really.


I know they don't view their property as joint. He's put my mom through too much bull for that, and just a few weeks ago, she was talking about filing for divorce, but decided against it. Their car is in her name, not his. The house is hers, in her name, not his. My stepfather has nothing in his name at all, except for his fishing poles and lures. He isn't working right now and doesn't pay anything on the house payments or any car payments, bills, etc...


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## aforred (May 12, 2010)

This is a tough situation, for sure. 

Try talking to your mom, without a tone of blaming him. Keep it logical and calm. Lay out the things that are bothering you.

The gas issue is one of my biggeat pet peeves. My sister did that, until she came to get the truck one day and there was no fuel in it. She called me every name in the book, until I said, "Welcome to my world." Since then, she doesn't bring it back empty. When I borroe a vehicle, I always fill it up before I take ot back, because I appreciate that the person allowed me to use it.

Also, keeping gas in your car is a safety issue, especially in the winter. When it gets cold, my tank is never below half.

And speaking as a smoker, it is NEVER okay to smoke in someone else's car unless directly invited to do so. I won't smoke in a smoker's car unless they have said it was okay.

Delfina has a good point. Your mom is married to this man, which is why I suggested trying to keep any bad feelings out of the conversation. A marriage is important. Realtionships take a lot of work and understanding, and if you come off as attacking her husband, things might go badly.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Britt said:


> Yes, I know I need to. I have the insurance cards... would I be able to just call them, explain that my mom owns the car, but I drive it, and would they give me the insurance information as far as what is covered and all? Or would I need my mom's permission since the insurance is in her name?


Since you're on the policy as a driver, I would think you'd have the ability to call them and find out what type of coverage you have. 

Honestly, it's not something I've ever had to deal with, since I've had my own insurance since I was 18 y/o when I got my first car. My 'rents said if I could afford a car, I could afford insurance. :wink:


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

I, too, have full up insurance. I love the peace of mind knowing I'm covered for **** near everything and that I wouldn't lose everything I own and hold dear should an accident occur. I pay a premium to be covered by a well known, highly regarded company and be insured to the hilt. 
It's worth it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mikes (Apr 30, 2012)

You know you are in a tough spot, seeing that the car is in your mother's name and not yours. I would do what the other people said only enough gas to get you where you are going. Nothing in it at all. I would sit down with your mother and at least talk about it. If this is going to be your car when it's paid off you should have a little say so in it now. It couldn't hurt.


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## nikelodeon79 (Mar 3, 2008)

The way most insurance works is:

Any listed drivers on the policy are covered.

If you lend your car to someone, they are most likely going to be covered.

If the insurance company does some investigation and discovers that the person you loaned the car to is someone who drives the car on a very regular basis, they could possibly decline coverage.

It sounds like you have "liability coverage" which means that if you (or the person driving the car) is responsible for an accident, your insurance pays for THEIR car. It doesn't pay anything at all for your car. Basically, that means that if your stepfather causes an accident with your car, the insurance company won't give you a dime to repair/replace it. 

If someone else causes the accident and doesn't have insurance, you are still out of luck with repair/replacement costs, since you only have liability coverage.

Hope this helps. It does sound like a really bad situation to be in. Is there any way you would be able to get a job and afford to pay the insurance/car payments on your own? That way you would have complete say over who drives the car.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

Speed Racer said:


> Since you're on the policy as a driver, I would think you'd have the ability to call them and find out what type of coverage you have.
> 
> Honestly, it's not something I've ever had to deal with, since I've had my own insurance since I was 18 y/o when I got my first car. My 'rents said if I could afford a car, I could afford insurance. :wink:


Same here but my parents put me on their policy as it was cheaper than me having a separate one and this way everyone in the family was covered to drive it, should something come up. I paid all the costs associated with insuring it and myself though.

I too have full insurance on all of our vehicles. When the scarm-artist creep rear-ended my hubby a few years ago, having full insurance meant that our car was repaired within a week even though it took our Ins. over a year to successfully sue and force the other Ins and the creep to pay up as well as proving that the scam-artist was not injured and even if she was, it was her own fault. My brother had his truck totaled in a hit & run, took our Ins. 5 YEARS to recoup the costs (police found the responsible and uninsured party) but due to having full coverage, his truck was replaced within a couple weeks. 

I won't ever go without full coverage.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

I co-own all vehicles with my parents (because we share at times), however unless there is no other way to go around we don't use each other car. If you still have to, we just try to co-op with the rules of the perm driver for that car (like chips and other junk are prohibited in the car I drive, etc.). To me your stepdad shows no respect for you (as well as your aunt/uncle), and I'd just not give him a key for the car.


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

If payments are being made on the car-it's my understanding collision coverage is mandatory-that means damages to that car is covered & it's more expensive!


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## nikelodeon79 (Mar 3, 2008)

Cacowgirl said:


> If payments are being made on the car-it's my understanding collision coverage is mandatory-that means damages to that car is covered & it's more expensive!


Yes that's right! I read "basic insurance just for wrecks" as being liability. If the car has a loan from a bank, it definitely has full coverage.


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

I'm on my mom's insurance for everything because it's cheaper. As long as I'm a full time college student, I'm on her insurance for medical/dental, and i'm pretty sure she's got me on her insurance poilcy with the car because it's cheaper.

I think we just have liability coverage, but that doesn't really make much sense based on what was said, because when I wrecked her Pontiac (I wasn't on the policy as a driver of that car) the insurance paid for the medical bills, ambulance bills, and we got money for another car... 

Confusing...


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

So... because we are making payments on the car still, it has full coverage? :/


I'm trying to understand...


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Cacowgirl said:


> If payments are being made on the car-it's my understanding collision coverage is mandatory-that means damages to that car is covered & it's more expensive!


Collision coverage isn't mandatory in all US states, CC. It also depends on the lienholder, and whether or not they require it.

Britt, full coverage is a heck of a lot different than just basic liability/collision coverages. Collision coverage on a vehicle with a lienholder is to protect _them_, not you. It also depends on the year and mileage of the vehicle and what kind of shape it was in prior to the accident, whether or not you'll still have a loan balance to pay off if the vehicle gets totaled.

Not only do I have a top of the line insurance plan, I also have GAP, which will pay off any existing money owed to my lienholder should whatever my insurance company pay fall short of the loan amount due.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

We can't tell you what your mom's car is covered for; you need to contact the insurance company to find that out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

Yeah, I know... Lol... Hindsight is 20/20. That was a bit of a dumb question to ask...

I'm curious to know just what kind of coverage we have and just who is on the policy, now, so I'm going to either ask my mom this afternoon or call the Allstate place later and find out.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

It is best to go right to the source; call Allstate yourself and have a pen and paper ready. Your mom may not know exactly what is or isn't on the policy... I own my own policy (have since I began driving and got my car) and I would still call up with questions even though I read through my policy thoroughly each year.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

Ok then, that makes a lot of sense. I will definately call Allstate later and get the info. I really am wanting to know what sort of policy we have and all now, lol...


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## nikelodeon79 (Mar 3, 2008)

Oooh Allstate. *shudders* They have a really bad rep about not paying claims..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

nikelodeon79 said:


> Oooh Allstate. *shudders* They have a really bad rep about not paying claims..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They do? I used to have Allstate but never needed to make a claim, and I've been with USAA now for 21 years. _Love_ USAA, especially for insurance.


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

nikelodeon79 said:


> Oooh Allstate. *shudders* They have a really bad rep about not paying claims..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've never heard that... :shock:


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

It appears I have a totally different opinion about this. 

It's your mothers car, she is paying for it, not you. 
Your step father is married to your mother, they are a couple. It's far more HIS car than it is YOURS. 

In my opinion, you are the one borrowing their car.


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## aforred (May 12, 2010)

I'm with Speed, USAA is beyond awesome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WickedNag (Sep 7, 2010)

I am glad my 16 year old bought her own car... She bought it when she was 13 (just a few months before she turned 14) 14 is the legal age to drive with a restricted permit in SD. She got a great deal, worked hard to save her money and it is her say.


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## OutOfTheLoop (Apr 1, 2012)

Ok, your mom is paying for the car. It's her car, she let's you use it. Your stepfather is married to your mom, and that pretty much gives him access to the car as well. There's really nothing you can do about it besides buying your own car. I doubt with you being in college and getting a part time job, that you can afford a hyndai, but save a few grand and buy yourself an old Toyota or KIA instead. Might not be as fancy, but its yours right? It seems there's more to this story, like you come across as you dislike your stepfather, but until your grown and pay your own way, there's nothing you can do about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

stand on your own feet and go get your own car, or put up with driving a community family car. These are your options. The car in question isnt yours and it sounds like your family doesnt think it is yours either. If it was you could try the ol, just dont give em the keys.
Personally I wouldnt set foot in a car used by a pothead. Get pulled over and you go to jail or have drug arrest on your record forever.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Britt said:


> As long as I'm a full time college student, I'm on her insurance for medical/dental


You don't have to be a student for that (and you can stay on plan under age of 26). :wink: They just put that law in place (I believe last year).


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## mikes (Apr 30, 2012)

Just wondering Brit have you found a solution to the problem yet??


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

mikes said:


> Just wondering Brit have you found a solution to the problem yet??


I haven't been back over there, nor have I hardly even spoken to my mum and step-dad lately.


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