# Fear after a Fall.. feeling like I've lost my passion :(



## BrinkofSunshine (Jan 15, 2012)

Hi all, 

I'm an adult beginner-ish rider; I've been riding once a week for a little over a year now after a 10 year absence from riding when I was a kid. A month and a half ago I had a bad fall at the canter that knocked the wind (and my confidence) right out of me and left me in pretty bad pain for over a week. My trainer and I aren't really sure what happened.. seemed like I lost my balance in a turn and slid off. I felt extremely disoriented when I fell; I thought I had been dreaming when I hit the ground. I had fallen twice before that in the past year but I had gotten right back on each time. This fall terrified me. 

I think I went three weeks or so without riding after that, due to pain and scheduling issues. I haven't been on the same horse for my past two lessons, but I've been a mess at the canter. My confidence is bust. I thought I could take it easy for a while, but my trainer insists the only way I'll get over it is if I canter. It's frustrating me because I can't keep the canter for longer than halfway around the ring. Then my trainer gets frustrated... and it's making me not want to ride. :-(

Tomorrow she's putting me back on the horse I fell off of, and I don't feel confident on him at all (he's getting back in shape after 6 months of not being ridden after being rescued from a bad situation); the other horse is sick. But my trainer only has access to two lesson horses since it is mostly a boarding barn. I absolutely love horses and used to look forward to riding all week... now I'm seriously considering taking a break from it because all I feel is fear and frustration. Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way at some point during their riding? I don't know if a break would be good or bad for me. I'd love some advice.

I realize some of my other threads have the same theme; I'm never really around any other students at the barn (at least ones I'd feel comfortable talking to), and my only horsey friend fears nothing as she's been playing polo for a few years now.


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## Mochachino (Aug 14, 2012)

I can completely relate. I fell and broke my tail bone a few years ago off a horse I had on trial, and I lost all my confidence completely. I wouldn't even ride my bombproof and dead quiet QH for 6 months. It took a while to get some confidence back. Take your time, don't push, you need to feel comfortable and relaxed to ride or that horse is going to feel your nerves. I'm a little concerned that your trainer is getting frustrated at you. I understand that "get back on the horse" idea, but you need to feel comfortable and having someone getting after you and forcing it, would not be for me! I fell a few weeks ago and the footing was reasonably soft and I didn't get hurt, didn't even have stiffness or soreness in the morning, and I did get back on. But my trainer wanted to make sure I was ok, and that I felt ok to continue. She was supportive and understanding. Take your time, there is no rush is there? I see your being pushed and if you are uncomfortable about what she/he is asking you to do, you need to say something. If they don't listen and understand, maybe find another lesson barn.


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## loveduffy (Dec 22, 2011)

first welcome to the forum. WHO Is paying who? tell your trainer you need to take it slow there is nothing wrong with that rushing thing could keep you from riding all together. This happen to a friend, she got hurt real bad broken bones and all it still take her time to get back on to this day, she will not ride in the winter that is when she fall off her horse


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I sure feel for you. 
I think learning to canter again on a good steady horse will help you a lot. Then you'll be read to go back and retry the scarier one. 

I haven't had a bad fall for a bit, but I do remember falling off at the canter a couple of times where it took me a while before I wa willing to canter again.

Would it be too simplistic to say to you that you WILL get over it , and to have faith in that. And , we have most all of us experienced this fear. It's not imaginary.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

All is not lost. You're experience is common when on the path to becoming a more mature horseman. It's the difference between having only passion (easy when it's all fun) and being committed because you want to continue and get past a bump in the road (and all the ones on your body!)

I also agree that you are the one paying, and the trainer should be respectful of your wishes and goals. But, we also pay our trainers to assist in improving our skills, so you need to weigh your fear with her suggestions.

Many of us have had that moment, or period or time, when we reassess the value of riding because of an unpleasant experience that made us realize the risks associated with it.

I hope you give riding a chance. If you don't feel like your trainer is taking you in a direction you enjoy, look around for another. Only having two horses and neither being in a great spot themselves... perhaps riding with her is just not a good fit right now. It's not personal toward the trainer, you just have different needs.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Another trainer NOW.

I've given riding lessons, and I never ever wanted a rider to come off, AND had the sense to look and see if rider was secure or not too.

That you have fallen as often as you have? Tells me your seat is not secure, your balance is not good, and that your trainer is not helping you in these issues. And if you are without balance? You should still be only working at walk, and on lunge most of that time.

To continue to push you, and to make you more fearful, is wrong, flat out wrong.

I will qualify this to say, and understand I am not accusing you of this, but it is something that needs to be said, especially for those who come to this thread because they have some of same issues.

IF you have pushed trainer to move you too fast, because you resented being kept at baby steps, and you have been given exercises to do to improve your balance, or suggestions have been made as to weight, balance, seat or what have you and have refused to do those things? This is what happens too often. Rider comes off.

Again, NOT saying you have done that. Just important to understand that trainers can get overruled by rider who pushes, as well as, which is what I feel is going on here, trainer pushes too hard.

And not sure what style you ride either?


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Try to analyse what led up to your tumble. Did the horse stumle, swerve, crowhop (little buck). Did your foot slip from a stirrup (common)? If the horse did nothing to bring this one then you need to get back on this horse and just ride at a pace that works for you. Tell the coach you'd like her to be there but to keep her mouth zipped shut. This is your issue, not her's. During your time off I suspect you've thought of a thousand what-ifs. That is just your mind playing games. You need to relax at the walk and trot. Tension throughout the body does cause a rider to drop a stirrup. You need to make the coach understand that you want to advance at your pace not hers or you may have to find a coach who will allow this.


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## BrinkofSunshine (Jan 15, 2012)

Thank you all for your responses! My lesson for this week has been moved a couple of days so I can get back on the horse I'm more comfortable with. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has reassessed their love of riding. I've always known it's dangerous, but it was one of those experiences where that becomes very real... and I'm not kid that can just break an arm and get on with it. 

Palomine, I should have mentioned that I ride English (hunter/jumper). I'll be trying out another lesson barn soon, but I'm not sure if I want to leave my current barn just yet. I don't push my trainer; I asked two weeks ago if I could have a lunge lesson but we haven't. I'm a nervous rider anyway so I've had a lot of issues with confidence even before this. I guess I should speak up more and insist we work on the more basic things like seat, etc. 

Saddlebag, I think the fall happened for a few reasons- it was the very end of a very hard lesson simply trying to get the horse move, I'm not used to his larger/faster stride and I think we took the turn too sharply. In the video I can see myself sliding to the left, then I over-correct and fling off to the right. 

My two previous falls had been from a crowhop (horse had gotten spooked), and once after landing a jump the mare had overjumped/bounced over.


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## onuilmar (Feb 8, 2013)

Umm. I'm wondering about your instructor.

I started riding as an adult (at 48) and started with an extremely good instructor. So good that he kept me, a very green rider, on a horse that threatened to buck me off. (The issue of why I was on the horse is something else, completely.)

Long story short, I left (for reasons I won't go into) and found another instructor. There I rode a horse that was too much for me and the instruction available did not help me fix my riding flaws contributing to the problems. Eventually, the horse ended up taking off on me in a outdoor field and I jumped from a galloping horse. (Did not get hurt.)

Consequently, I lost my confidence and did not get any back until I returned to my initial instructor. It took a while, but it did come back.

Take a hard look at the quality of instruction you are getting. Although some pushing is the norm, she should not be having you do things you are not ready for. 

I don't know what you can and cannot do, nor am I sure of what your abilities are. I do know that pushing riders beyond their skill level is asking for trouble. And even if the issue is simply confidence (and not skill), I would still say that regaining confidence at the lower level is important before trying the level where things went wrong.

Hope this helps.


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## BugABooStreak (Jul 20, 2012)

I can totally feel your pain. Literally. I took a bad fall last year from a canter, my horse spooked and I lost my balance, as I tried to regain it he just went into a full out bucking fit and threw me. I landed on my shoulder and my collarbone snapped like a dry tree branch. Needless to say, it required surgery with this big obnoxious plate and about 8 screws. I have never admitted it to my family or friends, I have a tendency to hide those emotions, but I was terrified to get back on him. But I decided I would just take it slow, we walked in the round pen for a long time, and just did simple trotting exercises. To be honest, its been over a year and I still havent cantered on him  So dont feel like youre alone. I am working on this myself. Dont do anything if you dont feel ready, the first time I got back on I didnt quite "feel ready" but I felt like I had to prove something to myself, I dont know why. Even though the ride went fine, my heart was pounding the entire time.

As for your trainer, you really need to have a one on one talk and try to get her to understand how you are feeling. Some people have the mindset that the only way to get over a fear is to just attack it, but keep this quote in mind "Courage does not always roar, sometimes it is the small voice that says 'I will try again tomorrow" Some people like to attack their fears head on, but you need to express to your trainer that you need to take small steps. If she wont listen, then take your money elsewhere.

Best of luck to you.


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## loveduffy (Dec 22, 2011)

you can get pass this BUT at your own time table not the trainer or any body else's which every trainer you go with they should take time so you feel ready to move on not force you too


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

So, get back on, and don't canter or gallop.

Ride your own ride. If you're not comfortable cantering then just walk or trot.

Go back to the basics and do the things you enjoy with your horse.

Just have fun with your horse and forget about winning the Kentucky Derby.


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## merle (Oct 4, 2011)

loveduffy said:


> you can get pass this BUT at your own time table


^^^ This.

I am also an adult re-rider in the process of restoring my confidence. And why my sweet boy gently walks me around the arena until we are both bored out of our skulls. I think 'my time' is nearing because I think I am finally ready to wander around outside of the arena. :wink:


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## ponylover08 (Mar 16, 2013)

Hi I can totally feel you. One time I had a really bad fall when I was cantering too. I wanted to quit, and it scared me, but the thing I learned is, everyday is not going to be great, and riding is hard, but you have to believe in yourself. Its key. Also about your trainer, if shes getting frustrated, she probably shouldn't. You are trying to overcome your fear, and you usually don't do perfect at first, because it's scary. Just talk to her, and tell her how you feel, and maybe she will understand! Good luck!


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

I started riding at 50. The one fall I've had came during a dismount, when my mare spooked and exploded with my right leg above her rump. That injury has left me, 4 years later, with a back that is still stiff (lower right).

FWIW, I believe in *cheating*. If you have a very bad experience, it takes a lot of good ones to override your subconscious mind screaming, "I don't want to get hurt!"

I would often suggest a change in tack to a barrel racing saddle - deep, with a tall horn to help you get back on if you start sliding sideways. 








​ 
However, since you are riding hunter/jumper, I recommend riding the flats in an Aussie-style saddle until you are fully comfortable with cantering.

I ride full time in one, because my mare is kind of high strung, and seems to enjoy imagining monsters - and at 54, riding in a rocky desert, a fall could cripple me for life. However, swapping between my DownUnder Master Campdraft and my Bates Caprilli AP saddle in the arena, I can't feel any difference in the ride. They feel identical to my rump and thighs, except the CAIR panels in the Bates feel bouncier. :evil:

However, if the horse hits the fan, the saddle below is MUCH easier to stay in than my Bates:








​ 
It is deeper. If she suddenly puts on the brakes without warning (what I call the OMG Crouch), the poleys (mickey mouse ears) on the front mean I won't slide off forward. If she suddenly spins, the poleys WILL keep my hips aligned correctly, to the point of leaving a bruise sometimes. If she gallops mindlessly, only a couple times in the last year but worth being prepared for, then it helps secure me while I try to regain control. A few days ago, she stumbled cantering in the arena and almost went down. The poleys may have saved us both, because it made it easier for me to keep my balance and help her regain hers.

And so far, it has worked. I've never come out of an Australian-style saddle. :thumbsup: (Need a 'knock on wood' icon)

If you can't find an Aussie-style saddle, borrow a western one. And if the barn you are at won't allow that, move. You can ride a forward seat in a western saddle, at least I can in our Circle Y or Abetta, and you can certainly ride it in an Australian saddle. No one should start jumping until they are completely comfortable with cantering, and there is no harm in learning how to canter in a western saddle. Doesn't hurt to learn it on a western horse used to neck reining.

Once cantering on the flats puts a big smile on your face, you can go back to jumping. Jumping increases the risk of injury by 10-40 fold, depending on which study you believe. That is a 1,000-4,000% increase! Jumping should be done after you have a secure seat. If you can't laugh or talk while cantering, then I don't believe you should try jumping.

All this is IMHO as a rider now pushing 55, who cannot afford to learn by falling. I honestly think there should be very little falling while learning from an instructor. It can happen at any time, but a good match of activity, tack and horse to the learning rider should keep it minimal. Every fall includes the risk of a serious injury. It isn't a requirement. If anything, more falls will probably result in more defensiveness and poorer riding, even assuming you don't get a long term injury like I did.


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

3 falls in one year isn't that bad, to be honest. I've taken 3 falls in one hour and always got back on, trembling, to complete the work.

You need to talk with your instructor about your confidence level. Sometimes its OK to be pushed. Other times you need to take your time and rework the confidence. Some people can be pushed harder than others. 

I was always and constantly pushed when I became a jumper. More, more, more. Fall? No ones gonna baby you. If you can walk, catch your horse and get back on. If you can't walk, ambulance was called. When you get back on, you were pushed at the same level you had been before you fell. It made you tough.

I broke my arm one day and rode in a splint until I could get it casted, then I rode in a cast. I became timid and my instructor was alright with that until the cast came off. The week the cast came off, she put me on a monster who wouldn't tolerate a timid rider. I was afraid during the ride and it showed. And then he bucked me off. I was SO ANGRY when I hit the ground that I caught the horse, got back on and dominated the rest of the lesson with a new attitude.

I had an instructor who knew how I ticked. She said that was the only way she could shake me out of my "scaredy cat" mood. I didn't need to be reworked from the beginning to regain confidence, I needed to be bullied by a horse.

Did I have reservations about going to class when I was assigned that animal? Yes. Big reservations. I didn't want to go. I was scared of falling. I was scared of getting hurt again.

That is where my trust in a competant instructor came in. I trusted her completely and trusted her judgement, even though I didn't like it sometimes. Do you trust your instructor the same way? Sometimes you need to trust in what your instructor has to say. If you are on this horse out of default simply because there are no other horses to ride, then it could be a matter of "Lets just make the best of it". If there are others to ride and your instructor has specifically reselected this horse for you, theres a reason behind it. Do you trust that reason?

You WILL fall when you ride horses. You will b injured. You'll break bones, get stitches, sprain joints...whatever. Thats the risk you take. Confidence is one thing, but horseback riding isn't for the faint of heart. Saddle up and get r' done.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

Copperhead said:


> ...I've taken 3 falls in one hour and always got back on, trembling, to complete the work...
> 
> ...You WILL fall when you ride horses. You will b injured. You'll break bones, get stitches, sprain joints...whatever. Thats the risk you take. Confidence is one thing, but horseback riding isn't for the faint of heart. Saddle up and get r' done.


Very strongly disagree. That approach works fine, until it doesn't work at all...










I've only had one fall, while dismounting. After 40 years of daily jogging, that fall forced me to give up jogging for 4 years. I'm now just starting to be able to jog without paying for it with visible swelling in my back. And 18" from where I hit the ground were a bunch of 12-18" jagged rocks. Had I hit a few feet to one side, I might well have been killed.

Falling isn't a part of learning.


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## Copperhead (Jun 27, 2012)

Sometimes it is


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

there is definitely a difference of opinion on the risk value of a fall vs the value of pushing boundaries when you are 25 as compared to 55. A fall in your 20's or 30's is not such a big deal. In your 50's, it feels like being hit by a locomotive. really!

I have fallen off many times. Something like 15 times in 13 years. What I learned is that most of the time, they are surviveable. If my one and only fall had been to badly injure my back , like bsms, I wonder if I'd have gotten back into the saddle. Kudos to you!

I am aware that any fall that I take could be the one that disables me, like Mr. Reeve. It can happen to anyone, anytime. Just like going out in my car, several times a day, can be the last thing that I do, too.

You don't HAVE to push your fear boundaries to ride. However, you may need to in order to become a better rider, and the better rider you become, the less likely , or shall I say less frequent, are falls. No guarantees, though.


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## apachiedragon (Apr 19, 2008)

Having three falls in a year is not such a huge deal if you are an advanced rider working with a more difficult horse. However, as you call yourself a beginner-ish rider, this is not as acceptable. You should be riding on horses that are babysitter types, and not doing things like cantering or jumping. I have been instructing for more years than I care to admit and in that entire time, I would have rather lost a student that didn't think they were learning fast enough than allowed, or forced (as the case may be), one to canter or jump before their experience level warranted it. It appears to me that your instructor is seriously overestimating you, and that could very easily get you hurt. It's time to have a serious talk with her, or find somewhere else to ride.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

^^ Excellent point. There may be a time where progressing in riding will require a certain amount of falling. But once/week for a year probably isn't that point - particularly if it has made riding 'un-fun'.


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## BrinkofSunshine (Jan 15, 2012)

Thank you all for your responses! It seems like there's definitely a debate on whether or not falling is a part of learning. I see it as an inevitable part of horseback riding, but hopefully not something that with be frequent or result in serious bodily harm. I am seriously considering buying a protective vest.

bsms, I loved your suggestion for the Aussie/Western saddle. Unfortunately, I don't own my own horse or tack and the barn I ride at is exclusively English. I plan on going on a Western trail ride soon that allows cantering (I've done it twice before). I never felt safer at the canter, and I think it will help me regain some confidence. If I can I'd love to pick up some Western lessons at some point, but money is tight and it is a sacrifice to afford the lessons I have now. 

This week I'll have a serious talk with my trainer. She's told me over and over again that the only thing that holds me back is my lack of faith in myself, and that she would not allow me to do something I wasn't ready for. She insists I'm better than I think I am. I hope she's telling the truth, as there's no reason for her to be misleading me. I know this is just a bump in the road and a (frustrating!) part of learning. I love cantering, and I hope to get back to it soon, if it turns out I am at a level that I am capable of the balance, confidence, etc. required to execute it successfully and safely. 

I have a voucher for a lesson at another barn that I will use soon. I'm looking forward to hearing their opinion of my riding. Perhaps I'll post a video here for critique if I'm brave enough!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

BrinkofSunshine said:


> This week I'll have a serious talk with my trainer. She's told me over and over again that the only thing that holds me back is my lack of faith in myself, and that she would not allow me to do something I wasn't ready for. She insists I'm better than I think I am. I hope she's telling the truth, as there's no reason for her to be misleading me. I know this is just a bump in the road and a (frustrating!) part of learning. I love cantering, and I hope to get back to it soon, if it turns out I am at a level that I am capable of the balance, confidence, etc. required to execute it successfully and safely.
> 
> I have a voucher for a lesson at another barn that I will use soon. I'm looking forward to hearing their opinion of my riding. Perhaps I'll post a video here for critique if I'm brave enough!


Definitely post a video.. we are only critiquing to HELP you with your riding... not to be jerks. I promise 

I edited the rest out because I was told this too. I used to be so scared of riding, and of cantering. I really had no faith in myself and my confidence in myself still waivers.

The other day I managed to canter a horse I had only just met at a new barn with a new instructor. I nearly galloped at one point and I felt completely safe and so happy and free!

Sometimes you are your downfall, because we allow fear to eat us from the inside out. Or we allow other riders' comments to get under our skin. Or we have riding instructors who are not supportive and who call you "idiot" or "lousy" or "stupid" when you are trying your best to understand what it is they want.

I think you should try a lesson at a new barn.. see if you like their style and see how they EVALUATE your riding. Fresh perspective on your seat, balance, leg, and overall position will help you pinpoint where you are in your riding.. instead of relying on one opinion.

It'll be ok OP. I fell 8 times within a month with this one horse that I was leasing... and then I just was so determined to find an instructor that I clicked with.. to buckle down and TRY to get past my fears. I rewarded every effort on my behalf and now I am labeled as a "confident" rider eventhough I still have worries of my own. I just don't let them OWN me. 

You can do this!


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## JumperForLife (Feb 18, 2013)

I had a fall back in January and I'm still recovering psychologically. It was a bad situation, but basically I got bucked off at a canter and I freaked. I had been through a lot of bucking, but I'd never been thrown by a buck before. I was a wreck, and I probably would not be riding now if it weren't for my fantastic Appy gelding. I just wasn't prepared for that situation, but I've rediscovered my love of riding since then and I'm grateful every ride that I didn't quit.


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## PaintedHeart (May 24, 2011)

I myself am a very nervous, cautious person by nature which unfortunately translates into my riding. 

How much confidence did you have in yourself before the fall? I have found that when I am tense and unconfident my riding gets absolutely horrible, which is really just a domino effect. I am tense, which leads to my balance (which is usually pretty decent) leaving me because I am not using my body properly, which makes my mare mad, so she starts throwing a fit, which leads to me getting even more tense and unconfident because I have trouble sitting her fits due to gripping too much.  Domino effect. But when I am confident and relaxed, even if she is having a more spooky day (she is somewhat high-strung), we tend to get along pretty well and I am easily able to sit even her worst spooks. 

Is it possible that this is your problem? I don't know for sure, as I have not seen you ride, but you mentioned that your trainer believes the only thing holding you back is yourself. In my case, at my level, this is true for me as well. 

Thankfully my instructor has been helping me enormously and knows when to push and when not to, which has been a huge help with my confidence. If you feel as if your instructor is pushing you beyond what you feel comfortable with it may be time to talk to them about it and/or look for a new instructor.


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## its lbs not miles (Sep 1, 2011)

As my dear departed father and grandfather (and numerous others) told me any time I came off a horse (for whatever reason). 
If you ride enough you'll come off some
or
If you haven't come off a horse then you haven't done much riding.
The old saying "get back on" is true.

I have at least one cousin who feel off and will not get on a horse even after 35+ years. I went to school with a girl who's mother was killed in a fall our Sr year and the girl quit riding because of it. Broken neck killed her mom and to this day my neck is the only thing I actually worry about.

Most people get shook up some when they come off. After all it usually hurts to some degree. It can be crippling and even fatal. These are risks that come with getting on an animal that usually weighs in the 1,000 lb range (give or take). Just like if you spend enough time taking care of them and working with their feet you're doing to get stepped on some, possibly kicked at some point and that can hurt too.

Gunslinger summed it up pretty well. Get back on and do some easy riding just for enjoyment. But you need to be on a horse to keep your confidence with riding and master your fear.

Of course I'm probably not the best person to ask about this stuff. I started riding at 11 in 1968. I've worked cattle, spent long weekends in my younger years camping while riding around 30 miles a day and done things I would never recommend to someone else.
e.g. riding home after green horse spoked, tossed me into gate and cracked ribs. The smart thing would have been to walk the mile or so back home leading the horse, but I got back on this same green horse and rode very carefully back home at a slow, easy walk (forever thankful that nothing else happened).


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

I'm glad you are going to try again. I'm in lockstep with Palomine, bc when I taught I didn't want anybody going off for ANY reason.
Everybody takes falls. It's inevitable. Your abilities were pushed too fast.
Sometimes there are beginning riders who make fun of lunge-line lessons, but I'm thinking you might want to look for an instructor who does this. The horses used are very obedient, and reminiscent of circus horses and riders who move in the circle with a halter/bridle attached to a surcingle.
Robert Dover said (in a recent "Dressage Symposium") that he spent the first 6 months of his lessons on the lunge so he could develop his seat without also having to learn how to communicate with the reins. Anybody who is serious in the English world spends some time dressag-ing their horse, so it isn't a "side-quest."
The horse must trust the rider, but if your gut tells you something is wrong you need to listen to it.


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## destinywaitsaturdoor (Feb 20, 2013)

I had an adult beginner rider not that long ago, she did maybe 3 lessons..she was absolutely terrified of horses. Not sure why she rode..or wanted to, but I spent those whole 3 lessons with her just brushing and walking, on the lunge line..on the safest horse we have (on the lunge line, he's pretty safe off of it too though) I mean, seriously, this horse got stung in the neck by a bee and didn't react on the trail. But anyways, I pushed her to do things, such as riding with her hands on her head, but at the speed she was comfortable at.

If you're not comfortable with cantering, don't do it. There's also an older lady who leases the oldest horse in the barn, and spends majority of her time walking and lightly trotting him. She used to take lessons and we had to force her to canter, and then one day we just quit. She doesn't want to show, and she wants to ride for fun, what is the point in pushing her to do something she is not comfortable with when she is perfectly happy walking, trotting, grooming, and spending time with her horse?

I have one lesson now, her second was tonight, that I don't imagine will be off of the lunge line for a long time. She can't seem to figure out posting, doesn't have a very good sense of balance, and I'm not comfortable letting her control the horse at all (even though the one she'd be on in that case just goes around no issue, but she's very very tiny and he's huge).

I've learned over time that there's a time to push, and a time to sit back and let people recover, especially if they mention to me that their nervous. Take a few weeks, build your confidence again, and then try.


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## mollymay (Feb 20, 2013)

I've told this story a few times on the form, but I have had a couple horrible falls- the one most recent was on my horse Trigger who has only been broke for around a year. At the time he was still learning to lope and simply he freaked and I fell, he stepped on my leg and I was a bruised hot mess for a while. It hurt horribly to ride for a solid month, but I knew I needed to get back in the saddle and act as if nothing had happened. The reason I knew this was when I was around fourteen I was riding- or more showing off to some family and galloped around an arena with my first horse. My BO at the time trained dogs in her spare time and happened to be hosting a class at that time. I have no clue what they were working on, but during one of our straight aways the dogs all started barking and my horse TOOK OFF!!! Like shot right out of a cannon. He slid around a corner and I fell into a fence. It was a horrible ride, I blacked out, came to and couldn't catch my breath, to this day I still think of that ride in fear. I was fearless 14 year old who was shown that you have to be careful and aware of your horse and surroundings. Don't do what I did, I tried riding two or three more times, then got rid of my horse. I let the fear eat me alive and didn't get back into riding for almost seven years! Now that I am back, despite having a total of three falls on my green broke horse, I feel so much better and happier. Others around me have noticed the change in me over the past few years since I started riding again. Don't let this destroy your love of horses. Fear will come and go, but don't let it rip you apart. There's always going to be another ride, another horse, another fall, and another much more successful day! Good luck!


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## wild old thing (Jun 15, 2012)

I don't agree with your trainer. I don't care for people who use pressure to get their way. Frankly, I don't believe in it - it's kind of bullying and manipulative. I could be wrong, but she seems to me insensitive and not in the least empathetic. Your safety should be her focus, not whether or not you're doing what she wants you to do.

As I see it, it's one thing when a student balks because they're a little nervous trying something new, it's quite another thing when there's been an injury and the rider is not yet comfortable on their mount. You take it slow because it's prudent, because you want success, not a person whose terrified.

Even if a student balks and won't do something, why pressure them to the point of making them do it because you say so? This is supposed to be fun, it's not as if the future of the world depends on you cantering again immediately.

If you spent the next couple of months working on - lets say - transitions and lateral work and skipped cantering until you got your confidence back, what harm would there be? None that I can think of. 

Further, I do not like that she's putting you back on the horse that you fell from without discussing it with you and getting feedback from you. Clearly you were traumatized. Maybe it was your fault, maybe the horses, maybe just serendipity and you fell and it wasn't an easy one and you're feeling it. SO WHAT? If you don't want to ride this horse, don't. When you get your confidence back, you'll ride any horse but right now you don't have your confidence, so wait it out. 

My advice as a rather beginner ish rider is this: Politely tell your trainer you don't want to canter yet and you'd rather work on other areas. And that you don't want to ride that horse again, at this point. And that's it. You're the one paying for the lessons and the only one who gets to live in your body.


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## wild old thing (Jun 15, 2012)

tinyliny said:


> there is definitely a difference of opinion on the risk value of a fall vs the value of pushing boundaries when you are 25 as compared to 55. A fall in your 20's or 30's is not such a big deal. In your 50's, it feels like being hit by a locomotive. really!
> 
> I have fallen off many times. Something like 15 times in 13 years. What I learned is that most of the time, they are surviveable. If my one and only fall had been to badly injure my back , like bsms, I wonder if I'd have gotten back into the saddle. Kudos to you!
> 
> ...


I so agree with you, as I'm an older rider. One thing I have found that makes this sport so wonderful is that the training I get is all about prodding me gently but never to the point of undue danger. I took a bad fall this summer - I was thrown from a horse I love. I was lucky because we were on soft grass and I'm pretty hearty. 

I got right back up on her though, because we were on a trail and I had no choice. But when we arrived at our destination, I took the car back to recoup myself. I was VERY traumatized. ANd I cried - not from fear but from sadness - that this could happen. I talked about it with everyone I could, to try to understand what happened, where I failed and where she let me down. 

This IS a sport with risk. A good trainer will recognize a person who's been hurt is going to pull back for a time to heal, mentally and physically. 

I loved the answer a few back about riding around and around the arena until both the horse and rider are bored out of their skulls. But that's how mental obstacles are overcome, repetitive and relatively safe exercises to rebuild confidence. To step by step come back. That you even want to get back to riding is commendable. Don't let your trainer make you feel it isn't. Or that you're less than because you don't want to do it on her timetable. 

There are no timetables in life. Only time. Let time heal you OP.


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## wild old thing (Jun 15, 2012)

one last thing because I'm a gabby woman:

I'm not an expert but I've learned this:

some horses have the sweetest canter in the world. all looping and dips and it's just like riding a merry go round horse. 

and some horses have canters from that are seriously harsh. They bounce along, you bounce along, it's not necessarily a bad canter that can be corrected but it's not an easy one to ride. 

When I'm riding a horse whose canter doesn't thrill me, I have to think about how I'm going to ride before I ask for it because this is a big assed big cantering horse and I'm an old lady who is trying to learn to ride them all and I prepare myself as best I can.


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