# anxiety disorder forum



## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

I'd been thinking of making a thread like this for a while, by then my silly anxiety never let me!

So here it goes....
I'm 18 and I have social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder. My GAD makes me very paranoid and I hallucinate figures and ghosts. I can't leave doors open to rooms that don't have the lights on, home alone or when everyone is home. I can't shower with the curtain closed. I suspect that I've had anxiety for way longer than I've been diagnosed with it. My attacks come with random things as well (who would've known cat dissection day in my class would've caused an embarrassing in school attack?) I'm not currently on any medicines for it, because I personally feel like I need to grab the bull by the horns and conquer it myself. To manage my panic attacks, I breathe. I shut down until its just me and my thoughts and breathe. Focus hard on the breathing and it will eventually drown out the thoughts. I haven't found anything that prevents them from happenening, the breathing method just helps me come down from the panic attacks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Silent (Nov 4, 2012)

I'll go, as well.

I'm 15, and I've simply got social anxiety. I'm getting over it, slowly, but surely. There was a time where I got sick to my stomach whenever I even thought of going out in public, and around people. I'm still somewhat scared of people, but I'm doing better than I was. I try to fight the panicky feeling I get in my chest when I'm out in town or anything like that. I try to make myself talk to people in person to try to better conquer my fear and anxiety, but, I'm getting better with things, at least.


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## dommycob (Dec 16, 2012)

GamingGrrl said:


> I'd been thinking of making a thread like this for a while, by then my silly anxiety never let me!
> 
> So here it goes....
> I'm 18 and I have social anxiety, generalized anxiety disorder. My GAD makes me very paranoid and I hallucinate figures and ghosts. I can't leave doors open to rooms that don't have the lights on, home alone or when everyone is home. I can't shower with the curtain closed. I suspect that I've had anxiety for way longer than I've been diagnosed with it. My attacks come with random things as well (who would've known cat dissection day in my class would've caused an embarrassing in school attack?) I'm not currently on any medicines for it, because I personally feel like I need to grab the bull by the horns and conquer it myself. To manage my panic attacks, I breathe. I shut down until its just me and my thoughts and breathe. Focus hard on the breathing and it will eventually drown out the thoughts. I haven't found anything that prevents them from happenening, the breathing method just helps me come down from the panic attacks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When you have one at school do you tell someone or keep it to yourself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

This feels like an AA meeting haha. Lol, but I'll bite.

I'm 19, and I've had anxiety like forever, but in high school, I developed this severe phobia of vomiting. It was so bad that I went into a horrible depression, starved myself, and lost contact with pretty much everything in the world. I had ups and downs in high school, but I could never hang out with friends too much or go to new places for fear of getting sick or having a panic attack because of that fear. 

This past year, I've really come out of it. I take Celexa, and that really aids me in being able to stay calm enough to think. My counselor is fantastic and has taught me a ton of things that have helped immensely. I feel like I have this freedom to do whatever - I don't panic much anymore.

I do have some social anxiety too, but it's a little weird. I have no problem with public speaking. I come across very confident and it just doesn't bother me. I have no problem with meeting new people. It's the phase after you meet people but you don't know them all that well where I get really anxious. I have a hard time being myself, and I never know what to say. I've grown into my own skin quite a bit this year too, but right now I'm particularly having that problem with a boy. :/ 

I really hope I can help some people on this thread learn to manage their anxiety because it's the best feeling in the world.


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## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

dommycob said:


> When you have one at school do you tell someone or keep it to yourself?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I try to keep it to myself, but usually I'll step out of the classroom and give myself some distance from others. It helps to cue in your teachers as to whats going on and what they need to do to help you incase of panic attacks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Oxer (Jul 9, 2010)

I'm not an anxious person by nature... but i do have kind of a funny story. i drive to LA county for work. So i sit in traffic every day for about 2 hours. it's not something that i ever thought much about, until one day i started to get really bad heart palpitations. They became so bad, that i fainted in my kitchen one night. They took me to the ER and the doc shot me up with Ativan. I felt like a crazy person. They were asking me if i drank too much coffee, or if i was stressed at work, and blah blah blah. The truth is, I think what was truly stressing me out, was my nasty drive to work day after day after day. So i've started looking into taking the train to work in the morning, and saying "Goodbye!" to my terrible drive. It's pretty incredible how anxiety and stress can manifest physically. It can really take a toll on you.


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## LoveMyDrummerBoy (Nov 5, 2009)

Corazon Lock said:


> This past year, I've really come out of it. I take Celexa, and that really aids me in being able to stay calm enough to think. My counselor is fantastic and has taught me a ton of things that have helped immensely. I feel like I have this freedom to do whatever - I don't panic much anymore.


I don't have anxiety disorder, but I do struggle with depression at times. I just wanted to comment on this because I as well took Celexa for a short time, but stopped because it actually made me jittery and jumpy, and I talked really fast. I just wanted to say think it is really interesting how medications affect people differently. 

I'm proud to say that I do not take any medications at all any more, and have taken my depression pretty much completely under control. 

To everyone thats struggling, I want to give kudos to you and let you know that I understand that these things are hard. Keep fighting, you're worth it!


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

Guys, one thing I really suggest doing is going to a comic shop or a gaming/hobby store and getting involved in a game. I am terrified of people, but all of the socially awkward nerds that take refuge in these stores are excellent therapy. They are just as nervous around you, but jump on any opportunity to teach and feel accepted, especially when teaching a game they LOVE. You will know the type immediately. Today, I played in a tournament that 24 people played in. I have so many new friends now. Sweethearts all of them. Even when I got trounced, they were great about it. And if you are a girl, they will be extra nice to you. Lol! *sigh* I love nerds. 

Avoid Magic the Gathering people to start off. Go on the nights the shop is doing Pokemon, or Vanguard, or Kaijudo(GREAT game), or open game nights. Go talk to the shopkeeper and he will very likely find the right person to teach you a new game. Take a friend with you. Learn together. 

Learning a game helps you focus. You have to keep your mind on your cards and your opponent. You learn to focus. You learn strategy. You learn how to interact. You learn how to play nicely with different people. You learn new skills. My life is so much better thanks to card games.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4horses (Nov 26, 2012)

I have anxiety issues with traffic, public speaking, and really bad test anxiety. I also have some OCD tendencies. I struggle with depression as well. 

For a while I was on Paxil and it worked wonders, but it made me hypersensitive to pain (I have chronic pain issues) so I had to go off of it. Every SSRI I have tried since causes the same issue. Something about increasing serotonin levels causing increased pain? 

I'm not on anything anymore and managing sort of okay. Sometimes I will get really anxious for no reason that I know of... 

It took me forever to learn to drive. I used to have really bad anxiety about it, but now I'm usually okay with driving unless I'm on the highway and it is raining- that always makes me nervous.


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## BarrelRacer23 (Aug 17, 2011)

I've never officially been diagnosed except by the friend who's a therapist and every anxiety thing describes me perfectly. I get nervous very easily, always dreaded being in front of the class, it's hard for me to start a conversation with someone I don't know. If they start the conversation I'm fine. I'm just nervous and unsure of myself alot around people. And I get paranoid easily about stupid things. I just push myself to do things even if I don't want to, figure I need to go see help lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

I think it is interesting that so many young people have anxiety issues. I personally believe it can be induced in anyone if they are exposed long enough to their unique "trigger". To be honest, before in my life when someone said they had anxiety I couldn't help but either think they meant they were in general nervous about a given thing, or a hypochondriac. And, I think a lot of people view it the same. Then I was "exposed" to my personal "trigger" (dense deciduous trees and high humidity). I am from the desert. Once back in the desert I was fine. I would not wish that feeling on anyone. However, I really do not believe people that have never experienced it have any way of even having a modicum of understanding what it "is", and probably feel uncomfortable around people that talk about there experience with it - or disregard it entirely. Just my opinion.


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## beverleyy (Oct 26, 2011)

I'm 22 and was diagnosed with social & general anxiety when I was 14. I've never really had friends outside the barn. I cannot stand a crowded place - sometimes 2 is a crowd, others 20 is a crowd. In high school my anxiety got the best of me and I wound up skipping quite a bit of school before I went on to home schooling, which worked wonders for my anxiety. To this day I get nervous for NO reason even around people I see all the time. It takes a LOT for me to actually be 100% myself around them. I can think of maybe 2 people I am myself with - my boyfriend and best friend. My family, I am myself but in a different way, it's something I can't even explain how or why. I think I am also just an extremely awkward person. Like, I can meet new people just fine and start up any old conversation, but after that I am either really quiet and stand there saying and doing absolutely nothing, or I come off as really nasty and rude without meaning to at all, like over-confident almost. Sometimes my mouth has no filter, and I feel like that stems from being so anxious around people that I just don't know how to interact without coming off as a mega-cow.

Currently I take nothing for my anxiety, and haven't since I was first diagnosed with it. I took something very briefly but didn't find it was helping so haven't tried anything in a good 8 years. After high school was over I slowly learned how to deal with my anxiety, and in turn just became over-confident in some ways. The only things I have found to truly help is riding (I used to skip school just to ride), and gaming. I play WoW a lot. Like way too much. But it calms me down so there can't be much harm in that:lol:


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## dommycob (Dec 16, 2012)

Is anyone else a massive hypercondriact??? I have a thing about water, If I think about it I just want to drink and drink and drink but this is because I won't let myself drink a lot because I feel I might drown myself... And another thing is today I was in the park with my friend in quite a rough area where you can smell drugs when you walk past certain houses and stuff and I held onto a tree when we walked through some trees and I felt very strange, like I'd injected myself with drugs (not that I've ever done that of course) and then had a panic attack. As always, I thought that I wasn't having a panic attack and that I was having a reaction to something and I was going to die. 

Does this kind of thing happen to anybody else? And if so, what do you do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

Im 22 and ive dealt with my anxiety since i was thirteen. I have PTSD driven anxiety, im also a "cutter" and on meds for depression and generalized anxiety. I have weekly Therapist meetings, and used to have to do group twice a month. 

I cant have my back to people i dont know, like in crowds or restaurants. Strangers make me nervous, as in, if a man walks into a room and he gives me "off" vibes, i get shakey and jumpy. 
I sometimes have a bit of spacial anxiety, where i have to get out of wherever i am NOW, not for any other reason than my pulse is up, my mouth is dry, my palms are sweating, im shaking, nauseous, edgy etc.

I get paranoid if i dont have my meds, but im getting better at realizing when i have irrational paranoid thoughts. 

a lot of people dont understand why its so hard to just keep going every day. sometimes just waking up is a chore. some days it hurts, some days i wake up afraid for no reason. 

I never thought of there being a thread for the anxious, lol. this could be nice.


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## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

^ I also can't have my back to people I don't know in resturants. My family gets ticked when I always choose the booth in the corner.

Another weird quirk of my anxiety is the complete inability to swallow pills. I can't even swallow the smallest of pulls without about a gallon of water to wash I down, and I end up throwing them up immediately if I can even get them down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

How many of you were actually DIAGNOSED with these disorders?


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

dommycob said:


> Is anyone else a massive hypercondriact??? I have a thing about water, If I think about it I just want to drink and drink and drink but this is because I won't let myself drink a lot because I feel I might drown myself... And another thing is today I was in the park with my friend in quite a rough area where you can smell drugs when you walk past certain houses and stuff and I held onto a tree when we walked through some trees and I felt very strange, like I'd injected myself with drugs (not that I've ever done that of course) and then had a panic attack. As always, I thought that I wasn't having a panic attack and that I was having a reaction to something and I was going to die.
> 
> Does this kind of thing happen to anybody else? And if so, what do you do?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You can overdoes on water. If throws off the osmotic balance in your cells which can kill you.


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## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

PurpleMonkeyWrench said:


> How many of you were actually DIAGNOSED with these disorders?


1) uncalled for

2) I have, by 3 different therapists
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

GamingGrrl said:


> 1) uncalled for
> 
> 2) I have, by 3 different therapists
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How was this uncalled for? Pure curiosity...


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

because it implies that you dont believe we actually have these issues. 
Do you actually CARE if we've been diagnosed or not? or just if you get to stand on your soap box and demean a few people for not being diagnosed?

the general feeling of people who dont have anxiety or depression issues is that those of us who do are faking, or whiners, or liars. It hurts, because we cant control our anxiety or depression any more than you can control your thyroid or pancreas. So coming onto a thread full of people with mild-severe mental/emotional issues and implying that we may not have them, is going to get you a few raised bristles.

and yes, ive been diagnosed, hospitalized on occasion oh and my script is legal too.


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## dommycob (Dec 16, 2012)

PurpleMonkeyWrench said:


> You can overdoes on water. If throws off the osmotic balance in your cells which can kill you.


Sorry, I didn't realise I was asking for a doctor to comfirm that my worries can come true. And also, do you have anxiety disorder? Or have you just come to put us down?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

PurpleMonkeyWrench said:


> How was this uncalled for? Pure curiosity...


Because this forum was started as a safe place for people with anxiety to talk. There's no need to accuse people of lying or self diagnosing. You wouldn't go into a forum for people with any other kind of disorder or disease and say something like that. There may be be people on here who haven been diagnosed, but if they see some signs that they may have anxiety and decide to go get treated for it or talk to someone about it, awesome. That doesn't affect you, and it's actually none of your business if they've been diagnosed or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

Btw, so proud of all of you who are sticking up for yourselves right now. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

GamingGrrl said:


> Btw, so proud of all of you who are sticking up for yourselves right now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Okay, that made me chuckle. I didn't actually think she meant it in a derogatory sense. Its a somewhat legitimate question. For example, I was not "diagnosed" w it, it is the word I used to describe what I felt, but it may not have been the actually clinical term that "professionals" would have used. In my case almost_ everyone_ I knew that knew the circumstances said, "oh, a form of claustrophobia". Well, okay..maybe - I am not a professional and neither are they - but it sure felt like anxiety. And, since I knew the only "help" I needed was to get back to the desert...I saw no reason to seek other "help".  

Like I said before, I use to automatically think people that said they had anxiety were not using the term in the clinical sense and just meant "worried" or "nervous", or they were hypochondriacs. However, I meant them no harm.


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

You may not, but ive had a fair few people rip me to shreds for crying and shaking for no reason. Ive had my dad try "submersion" therapy on me, not understanding why i needed to be hospitalized afterward. 

Some people get mean when they think your getting something they're not for faking. The kids at school would have loved to go to the nurse once a day for a xanax, so they picked on me because they couldnt.

its good you mean no harm, and its good you didnt need help. But some of us did, and still do, and somebody questioning that need cuts deep, and discourages seeking help. 

i notice she hasnt been back anyway.....


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## redpony (Apr 17, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> It hurts, because we cant control our anxiety or depression any more than you can control your thyroid or pancreas.
> 
> I was recently diagnosed with hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid) and the symptoms were very much like anxiety. Everything caused the racing heart, shaking, difficulty breathing, etc. After doing some research, I realize that that many other problems I've had may be linked to thyroid disfunction, i.e depression, ADD, carpal tunnel. My point is, that hopefully, you all have had your thyroid checked.
> I also want to add that your society needs to change it's view on mental health or we will only continue down this ugly road. How many people don't get diagnosed because of the stigma, because they lack health insurence, because the medication is too expensive or because they worry it will affect their jobs? Even one is too many


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## dommycob (Dec 16, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> You may not, but ive had a fair few people rip me to shreds for crying and shaking for no reason. Ive had my dad try "submersion" therapy on me, not understanding why i needed to be hospitalized afterward.
> 
> Some people get mean when they think your getting something they're not for faking. The kids at school would have loved to go to the nurse once a day for a xanax, so they picked on me because they couldnt.
> 
> ...


what's xanax?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> You may not, but ive had a fair few people rip me to shreds for crying and shaking for no reason. Ive had my dad try "submersion" therapy on me, not understanding why i needed to be hospitalized afterward.
> 
> Some people get mean when they think your getting something they're not for faking. The kids at school would have loved to go to the nurse once a day for a xanax, so they picked on me because they couldnt.
> 
> ...


Although it is not fair, people are judgmental. This will never change. And, I understand how this makes any disorder all the more difficult to navigate.

To me, there is little to no "science" in the "social science" of psychiatry. It is not "magic" when the brain reacts a certian way to a given stimulus. Without hard physical evidence, it is mere "opinion" if a given reaction is a malfunction, or what the malfunction is, even. Until all there is to be known about the brain is known, having a disorder isn't just a problem in and of itself, it has the additional "negative" that comes w some of those around you (i.e., people that do not understand, or that are mean). To me making fun of someone's disorder is indicative of some pretty serious mental problems, as well as extremely poor upbringing. But, you can depend on some people being "that way".

It might not be wise to discuss "stuff" on a public forum if people's less than helpful comments bother you. I don't mean that in a bad sense. It is just like large cities bother me _to the extreme_....I simply limit my exposure to them to the degree that is humanly possible.


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

good point redpony... it didnt even cross my mind how the symptoms are so alike, i was just trying to give an example, lol. and xanax is a suppressant prescribed for anxiety. I take mine once a day in the morning, and i can take one if i feel a panic attack coming on or know im going to be in a situation im going to potentially freak about.

Less than helpful comments dont bother me, my family is full of less than helpful sentiments and im sure im not the only one who has to brush em off daily. I agree completely that theres no perfect science to this stuff, theres no right or wrong or real answer to any of it. But if calling it something and counseling or therapy or what have you helps, then why fight the positive results. its when those comments are meant to accuse, or demean or illegitimatize that gets me worked up.

Its ok to not understand, or not believe, or have a different opinion. Its not ok to tell me theres nothing wrong with me, when i cant keep my food down or stop my hands shaking long enough to light my cigarette. Or to say that its not true because its not diagnosed, etc. Those kind of thought processes hurt the mental health community more than they help. 

I didnt mention my cutting to anybody other than my lovers for 6 years. The first time my mother saw a scar on my body, she drug me by my hair to the shower and told me to scrub it off. She said she hoped it hurt enough i wouldnt do it anymore. I continued for 6 years, and never said a word because i couldnt bear to have her angry at me. I couldnt bear to have somebody tell me i had a problem, on top of all the bad things i felt and couldnt control. That single experience with the type of atittudes im talking about shaped my entire life, and not for the better. I didnt get the help in needed because i felt i couldnt say anything because it made the people around me so angry. My mother saw my scars now, now that i have over 300 of them from my hip, to my thighs, to my wrists, ankles and genitals. some days she cant even look at me. 

whos to say whether it would have been prevented if she had taken different action, had i said something to somebody, etc. but its just one example where the negative connotation towards mental/emotional issues can lead to even worse consequences. 


and, i dont mind shareing this online, i dont care who sees it. I am what i am, and i own it. you dont have to be supportive, just dont be mean.


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## xlionesss (Jan 30, 2012)

I'm just checkin' in because I suffer from many forms of anxiety. I'm 18 and have been dealing with this since the age of 12 or so. I put off school due to my social anxiety and fear of having to speak with people...
Maybe thats why I spend all my days with horses LOL

forgot to mention...sometimes when I feel myself getting really tensed my face starts twitching my I get this extremely odd feeling in my neck...
I find it quite odd because it happens with older adults mostly, usually if they're my superiors at work/school
Anyone else get this?


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

I am just curious about anxiety in general and horses. When I had anxiety one of the few islands of "escape" I could find was my horses, especially their smell - it had an immediate and powerful calming effect. Anybody else?


And, analisa, in my case I find it somewhat humorous that some family had a problem w the word "anxiety". They seemed to like the word "claustrophobia" or "dendrophobia" much better. Well, that is the chicken or the egg sort of thing, yes dense forest caused it, but the "it" part was, shshshsh, anxiety. And, some insisted since I had never had anxiety before, I couldn't have it "then" - it was a simple case of home sickness. haha...home sickness? Well, I suppose it "fits", and if it made _them_ feel better to call it that - it mattered not to me. Yep, there are a lot reasonable thinking good people out there that prefer to believe no "normal" person can ever experience anxiety. But, in the case of a kid or child...now _that _would be nightmarish if their parents were less than understanding. So, I am sorry your "support" was less than desirable.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

GamingGrrl said:


> Because this forum was started as a safe place for people with anxiety to talk. There's no need to accuse people of lying or self diagnosing. You wouldn't go into a forum for people with any other kind of disorder or disease and say something like that. There may be be people on here who haven been diagnosed, but if they see some signs that they may have anxiety and decide to go get treated for it or talk to someone about it, awesome. That doesn't affect you, and it's actually none of your business if they've been diagnosed or not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who did I accuse of lying? I was genuinely curious about how many of you were diagnosed. I am in no way implying that any of you are lying. It was a simple question.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

dommycob said:


> Sorry, I didn't realise I was asking for a doctor to comfirm that my worries can come true. And also, do you have anxiety disorder? Or have you just come to put us down?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't believe I came on this thread to put anyone down, but it sure seems you have.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

dommycob said:


> Sorry, I didn't realise I was asking for a doctor to comfirm that my worries can come true. And also, do you have anxiety disorder? Or have you just come to put us down?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and to answer your question i have more than an anxiety disorder and spent most of my early 20's locked up in a state mental hospital.


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

Then perhaps you should have shared instead of coming on and imploring as to our "certification" if you would, to be on this thread. why dont you tell us about it purple?

and, i totally understand where your coming from. Family seems to like to make it less of what it is, like if its less of a problem (at least in my mothers case) they didnt have to deal with it. And as far as my support as a kid, i too found it in my pony  it was only after they sold him i began to really go downhill, drugs and the like. And it was Annie that brought me out of that again.


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

My horse is totally my escape from anxiety. That's why it's worse in the winter - I can't get outside to ride quite as well. When I'm feeling panicky or sad, I'll jump on my horse bareback and ride him down the road. I talk to him. People might think I'm crazy, but I really don't care.

Right now, I'm having a lot of anxiety involving a boy. It's like all the stuff I've learned from therapy has gone out the window lol. I get all clammed up when I talk to him and just get paranoid about every little signal that might get sent. It's way hard to control myself and to acknowledge I'm being a little bit paranoid and may have to "step back" from the situation. I feel like some lovestruck teenager. ANYWAY...

I think PurpleMonkeyWrench's remark came off rude because this is over the Internet. It's hard not to get defensive because so many people think you're a freak when you have anxiety or depression. I know. I can come out and tell most people the basics of my troubles these days, but it's very hard for me to go into detail and to admit that I still have to take meds for it.

To answer your question PMW, yes, I've been diagnosed by a therapist, a doctor, and a psychiatrist. I really hate the psychiatrist lol but he's the one that gives me the meds so...I think I used to be pretty bad on the spectrum, but now my I'm pretty low on the spectrum as long as I catch myself worrying early. 

My anxiety kept me from leaving for college and making friends. The real test will be this fall when I move out for university....


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## Cruiser (Aug 28, 2011)

I have social anxiety, I've over come it a lot, but it was first brought on by sever bullying, by parents, students and teachers alike. Also have depression but that runs in my family like mad. 

Horses are my medication, I refuse to be come depend on drugs to feel better. I've gotten some where, still can't get over using a phone though. Terrible at telling when I'm suppose to talk in a conversation, on a phone it gets fustrating because I can't even see them. Also don't touch me, shake me hand and stay two feet back at all times.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

Sorry if I made any of you guys feel bad it really wasn't my intentions. I basically have my story on YouTube so I rather not write everything out, but if you want to view it just type in "kellie sheppard" and click on my channel.


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

believe it or not purple, you and i have had much of the same experiences. I dont have pictures, and i threw away my hospital bands and my paperwork is buried in a "company" file, but i too have been through the system. i too have scars and memories etched throughout my body. at first i was scared of not dying from an overdose, so i cut my femoral in my truck one night. My Best friend intervened so i moved on. alcohol, exstacy, molly, acid, i dove into it all. Almost kicked it on a binger one night, except my bf at the time recognized the symptoms of an OD and off i went. i had counted on him being to messed up, but he skipped a pill to keep an eye on me. 

i can see where you would have taken some offense to people not being diagnosed and claiming anyway, if thats why you posted your first comment. for people like us, the system and the meds have so much control. But they need the help we needed, just not as extreme, and they have every right to be here if they think they may need it.


How are you by the way? hows it been since then? 

How are you by the way?


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> believe it or not purple, you and i have had much of the same experiences. I dont have pictures, and i threw away my hospital bands and my paperwork is buried in a "company" file, but i too have been through the system. i too have scars and memories etched throughout my body. at first i was scared of not dying from an overdose, so i cut my femoral in my truck one night. My Best friend intervened so i moved on. alcohol, exstacy, molly, acid, i dove into it all. Almost kicked it on a binger one night, except my bf at the time recognized the symptoms of an OD and off i went. i had counted on him being to messed up, but he skipped a pill to keep an eye on me.
> 
> i can see where you would have taken some offense to people not being diagnosed and claiming anyway, if thats why you posted your first comment. for people like us, the system and the meds have so much control. But they need the help we needed, just not as extreme, and they have every right to be here if they think they may need it.
> 
> ...


*hugs* the only reason I had my medical records is because before I moved out of state I wanted them. That was the facility I was at the most, but there's still tons of other papers on my mental health at other facilities as well. I kept all my bands etc. so one day I could look back as I do now and know how far I've come. Like you, my fiance at the time could read me like a book and knew exactly what I did and when I did it. When he got a job I felt so relieved because I could do it and be alone and finally get it done. I ate bottle after bottle after bottle of pills. About 1.5 hours in he comes home early from work. Days later I woke up back in the hospital. Ugh, I was devastated. This was from 2009-2011 when I struggled with killing myself everyday. Was hospitalized most of those years. It's been almost 2 years and I haven't cut myself since, I haven't OD, and I don't want to die. The hospital time really helped me become stable and get back on my feet. I still struggle with things like depression and anxiety and low self worth, but I have learned to cope with them better (drugs were making it worse). How have you been lately?


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> believe it or not purple, you and i have had much of the same experiences. I dont have pictures, and i threw away my hospital bands and my paperwork is buried in a "company" file, but i too have been through the system. i too have scars and memories etched throughout my body. at first i was scared of not dying from an overdose, so i cut my femoral in my truck one night. My Best friend intervened so i moved on. alcohol, exstacy, molly, acid, i dove into it all. Almost kicked it on a binger one night, except my bf at the time recognized the symptoms of an OD and off i went. i had counted on him being to messed up, but he skipped a pill to keep an eye on me.
> 
> i can see where you would have taken some offense to people not being diagnosed and claiming anyway, if thats why you posted your first comment. for people like us, the system and the meds have so much control. But they need the help we needed, just not as extreme, and they have every right to be here if they think they may need it.
> 
> ...


Noticed you're in FL. I was born and raised in FL. and all this happened while I was in FL. They don't mess around with mental health there that's for sure!


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

its been up and down, but i got off the drugs in 2010, and that helped me get on track. After my x took me to the hospital, he bought annie, and she became my night and day, instead of the "bad things". my x eventually had a complete meltdown (acid, still a god guy though) drive his mercedes into his pool and ended up in a Colorado rehab. I stopped cutting for months, and was ok. then in 2011-2012 i was off my meds for a bit, and living with a woman who is pure evil in a can, and i relapsed. that was about a year ago, and im glad to say that since that incident, i got back on my weekly therapy cycle, back on my meds, and dove into starting my company, Paralyzing Equine Inc, a conjunction company with John Crosby Enterprises. lessons, training, and starting. showing soon to come. (sponsors are freaking wonderful). 

Ive found that throing myself into my work helps keep me from sliding back down, but if i get too much going at once, the anxiety comes crashing down and its really hard not to crumble under it. i still struggle sometimes. this winter has been kind however  

Proud to be talking to ya purple  i'm glad you've stuck around.

lioness, i so know what you mean. if get all sick inside when i have to give a superior of any kind bad news, even if its not my fault.

and cruiser, what helps you best with the not touching thing? ive become more and more aware of my personal space and whats an invasion recently, and ive found it difficult to relax myself in a situation where hand shaking and acquaintance hugs shouldnt be much of a problem...


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## RiddlesDarkAngel5 (Jun 2, 2009)

I have social anxiety disorder (still very severe) and panic disorder (better controlled; havent had a full attack in a while). 
My social anxiety is what really holds me back. People just outright scare me most of the time. Im not good at small talk and i get extremely nervous if the conversation drops off and i dont know what else to say. I have a hard time making and keeping friends because my nervousness gets misinterpreted as being weird or standoffish. Im constantly second guessing myself during concersations and worrying that i said the wrong thing. Ive really worked hard to push myself to be more outgoing and put myself out there, but its rough; some days interacting with people at work is just exhausting.
Glad to connect with other folks with some of my same issues. Makes me feel less isolated


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> its been up and down, but i got off the drugs in 2010, and that helped me get on track. After my x took me to the hospital, he bought annie, and she became my night and day, instead of the "bad things". my x eventually had a complete meltdown (acid, still a god guy though) drive his mercedes into his pool and ended up in a Colorado rehab. I stopped cutting for months, and was ok. then in 2011-2012 i was off my meds for a bit, and living with a woman who is pure evil in a can, and i relapsed. that was about a year ago, and im glad to say that since that incident, i got back on my weekly therapy cycle, back on my meds, and dove into starting my company, Paralyzing Equine Inc, a conjunction company with John Crosby Enterprises. lessons, training, and starting. showing soon to come. (sponsors are freaking wonderful).
> 
> Ive found that throing myself into my work helps keep me from sliding back down, but if i get too much going at once, the anxiety comes crashing down and its really hard not to crumble under it. i still struggle sometimes. this winter has been kind however
> 
> ...


Good to hear you're back on track. It is hard to get back on track, but so easy to get off it. I've been going at it alone this past 1.5 years without therapists, psychiatrists, and meds. When I moved I weaned off all of them and said goodbye to my therapists and such. I have been doing OK off of them, but def. noticed my outbursts and irritability being a major problem in my daily life. Working keeps me going strong also. When I have a day off and nothing to do, I get really really depressed. I have to stay busy or that's the end of me :-|


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## JoesMom (Jun 19, 2012)

I am 55 and have had social anxiety since I was early teens. Also deal with Panic attacks from time to time. I have a wonderful counselor that has helped me to cope with the feelings that trigger me. I was physically & sexually abused as a child and that seems to have been the trigger for my issues. I would have a startle reflex if some one touched me even if I watched them reach out to me. I couldn't stand to be touched. He got me past the startle reflex with counseling and cognitive behavior therapy. One GP wanted me to go one a depression drug, but I decided to try the therapy first. Thankfully it helped a great deal. The whole heart racing, cold sweat, I'm going to die feelings are under control, not gone, but under control.

You can survive living like this. I didn't get help until about 10 years ago. I really like this way of life alot better :-o:lol:


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

dommycob said:


> what's xanax?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's anti anxiety medication. I have panic attacks, but not what you would typically think of as a panic attack. Every couple of years, starting at about 16 years old, I would have breathing episodes that would last weeks, where I couldn't catch a deep breath. I would yawn a lot as a result of not being able to take a deep breath and by the end of the day was extremely exhausted and just needed to pass out. I finally had a conversation with my dad about it, who told me it was panic attacks, he had been diagnosed and that was exactly what he experienced. I waited a long time to see a doctor about it. As I got older, and three kids later, the attacks came more frequently. I was diagnosed with panic attacks/anxiety and given a perscription for xanax.


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## dommycob (Dec 16, 2012)

Whisper22 said:


> It's anti anxiety medication. I have panic attacks, but not what you would typically think of as a panic attack. Every couple of years, starting at about 16 years old, I would have breathing episodes that would last weeks, where I couldn't catch a deep breath. I would yawn a lot as a result of not being able to take a deep breath and by the end of the day was extremely exhausted and just needed to pass out. I finally had a conversation with my dad about it, who told me it was panic attacks, he had been diagnosed and that was exactly what he experienced. I waited a long time to see a doctor about it. As I got older, and three kids later, the attacks came more frequently. I was diagnosed with panic attacks/anxiety and given a perscription for xanax.


This is rather the same to my what I call 'mini panic attacks' where I don't get any syptoms of a full one but I feel like I can't take a deep breath and so I yawn constantly. Mine only lasts around 5-10 unless I have a full one, I've never heard of anyone having a 'mini panic attack' for weeks :O!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

May I applaud everyone who has shared their stories and struggles.
I am a mental health professional. Each person who is posting is brave and showing great courage. I too have had issues with anxiety due to a sexual assualt. You can read about it in the saloon section under survirours of rape thread.
There is hope and medication along with cognitive behavioral therapy that can help ease the grip these disorders have on your life.
Who ever started this thread did a wonderful thing.
Please seek professioanal help and please keep talking about your anxieity. There are many local groups that address anxiety. Most are low cost or free.
The more you aknowledge it the less hold it has over your life.
Remember to confront these disorders you need to be ready to explore any and all forms of treatment. they will not be easy and they will take time. Just because you have posted and all the others who may post in the future remember you are not alone and you are not without resoursces. Your life and happiness are at risk if you do not take the necessary steps to end your pain.
Life should be enjoyed not feared. PM me if you want. Remember , It would be unethical for me to give you in depth advice over the internet or if you are under the care of a mental health professional Shalom Donald


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

okay, need a little help here. 

Significant other said "get on meds, you need help, etc"
now, ive got the meds, ive got the help, i get
"we're not speaking, your on drugs." 
"is that what your therapist said? go cry to her"
"quit trying to be all high and mighty, your therapist isnt here"

i got on the meds and in the program to help our relationship, to help me see straight and communicate without fear or fits of rage, be them self harming or otherwise. 

These comments and thought processes hurt. im not on drugs, i take whats prescribed. and he told me tog et the prescription. its not high and mighty, its calm and quiet. just because im not yelling doesnt mean im not trying. the go cry to your therapist, thats just mean.


i know a lot of people on here have advised me to get rid of this "baggage". but my question here, 

what do you guys do when somebody uses your problems to hurt you?


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> okay, need a little help here.
> 
> Significant other said "get on meds, you need help, etc"
> now, ive got the meds, ive got the help, i get
> ...


I would leave. I was engaged when I was in the middle of all of my problems. One day I just left. I had enough of the crap and I walked away and never looked back. Sounds like he has issues of his own that he needs to take care of.


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

i've heard that one... its a whole mess right now, but some days he tries and some days he falls off. i know what i should be doing for me, but i think hes got something to give if he could just chill.

i kinda meant more in the moment. when your faced with a situation and theres no "break time" and you need to stay calm right NOW. How do you keep calm without letting your brain panic and shut down? how do you stay in the conversation and not clam up and become a shaking nervous wreck? i guess a method of impromptu courage gathering or something? anybody?


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## gogaited (Oct 8, 2012)

PurpleMonkeyWrench said:


> How many of you were actually DIAGNOSED with these disorders?


Me. 52. Have had severe anxiety and depression my entire life. I don't go to movies, restaurants, etc. I sit in a corner with my back against the wall at Dr.'s. If it's crowded, I wait outside. Haven't found anything that helps the depression (except horses) but Ativan helps with the panic attacks. A new wrinkle developed after my best friend died in her sleep last year. So now just as I'm falling asleep, yep, major panic.


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## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Has anyone tried to join a therapy group for anxiety? Most areas have one. I have several clients that improved after joining a therapy group. Shalom


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

I always wanted to do group therapy, but in Iowa the mental health stuff is bad. 

AnalisaParalyzer,
I would seriously reconsider your relationship. I was in the worst shape of my life when I was dating my ex. I thought he was a lifesaver, a security blanket for me. I just read my diary last night. He never treated me right. He always played on my insecurities and tried to make himself better than me. I felt so much better when I dumped him. Plus, I learned that I could be independent and not lean on a guy for support. 

Counseling has helped me immensely. I had to go through a couple of counselors before I found one that worked, but the one I go to now is amazing. She has helped me be so much more confident and to believe in myself, which I believe is a lot of the struggle. I also, with patience, found the right medications that help even out my emotions and mood swings. I suffered all through high school. I'm now a sophomore in college, and I'm finally enjoying life. It's such a great feeling.  I no longer feel trapped or scared every single night. I can do things with confidence and look forward to a future. It's just amazing!


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

AnalisaParalyzer said:


> i've heard that one... its a whole mess right now, but some days he tries and some days he falls off. i know what i should be doing for me, but i think hes got something to give if he could just chill.
> 
> i kinda meant more in the moment. when your faced with a situation and theres no "break time" and you need to stay calm right NOW. How do you keep calm without letting your brain panic and shut down? how do you stay in the conversation and not clam up and become a shaking nervous wreck? i guess a method of impromptu courage gathering or something? anybody?


Oh I don't stay calm I fly off in a fit or rage. I see red. I'm no help with this one, sorry :-|


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

dbarabians said:


> Has anyone tried to join a therapy group for anxiety? Most areas have one. I have several clients that improved after joining a therapy group. Shalom


I've joined group therapies, but for other reasons than anxiety. Well, I was ordered to go to them so I had no choice. It is comforting to hear what everyone else has to say and it takes light off of your problems for a while which is also a relief. I also found that most others in the group are farther along in their recovery and have some wonderful tips and suggestions.


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## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Group therapy is a tool that can be used to successfully treat anxiety disorder.
Along with medication and individual therapy the success of the patient increases greatly. Good luck everyone. Shalom


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

thats happened once or twice too purple, lol.


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