# Those mysteries in life..



## BlindHorseEnthusiast4582 (Apr 11, 2016)

Oh wow, I love this thread. Don't have time to add to right now, but I want to watch.


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## mslady254 (May 21, 2013)

How about 'I don't mean to change the subject, but....." and they proceed to change the subject,,,um, yes that's exactly what you meant to do

and here's an oldie' why do we park in the DRIVEway and drive on the PARKway ?


Fay


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## Knave (Dec 16, 2015)

I remember in high school a foreign exchange student asked whether a fire burns up or burns down. I could not answer.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

My perennial favorite, Canada Post delivers mail, The Royal Mail delivers post.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

DH is looking up some prices online for some steel box to do some repairs...they list 2" x 1 1/2" square tubing!!!! NO not a square!


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

I will try to get back into the swing of things by trying to think of some.


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

I want to know why _abbreviation_ is such a long word...


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## mkmurphy81 (May 8, 2015)

Why do they call them apartments when they're close together?


Why does cargo travel by ship, but a shipment travels by car?


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Why is paper always strongest at the perforations?


And why is "easy open" such a lie?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

SueC said:


> Why is paper always strongest at the perforations?



And how can it cut a person so well and do painfully?


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

Golden Horse said:


> And how can it cut a person so well and do painfully?


Last week, my mom and I stopped at a flower shop. They had some backissues of a gardening magazine available for $1, so mom bought one. She handed it to me while she put her wallet back in her purse, and I got a paper cut on my finger. No big deal. Put it in the car, and it slides across the console and mom brushes against it putting on her seat belt and it gave her a pretty big slice on her knuckle. In moving it to help her and get the napkins out of the glove compartment so she doesn't bleed on the seats, it took a chunk out of my palm. By this time, we're both holding leftover McDonalds napkins over our cuts, and the magazine has been banished to the back seat, so she forgot to grab it when she headed home.

I sent it to her this morning in an orange mailer. Inside the mailer is another mailer, emblazoned with "danger, sharp objects" "caution" and other random danger stickers I printed off the internet, along with a pair of gloves. We shall see if she gets the joke when she opens it.....


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

Why do we say something is out of whack, what is a whack?
Why do we call the person who invests all of our money a broker?

@SueC why is the word for "fear of long words" so long? (Hippopotomonstostresquippelaliophobia)

Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of 10 but we buy hot dog buns in packages of 8?


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

SilverMaple said:


> Last week, my mom and I stopped at a flower shop. They had some backissues of a gardening magazine available for $1, so mom bought one. She handed it to me while she put her wallet back in her purse, and I got a paper cut on my finger. No big deal. Put it in the car, and it slides across the console and mom brushes against it putting on her seat belt and it gave her a pretty big slice on her knuckle. In moving it to help her and get the napkins out of the glove compartment so she doesn't bleed on the seats, it took a chunk out of my palm. By this time, we're both holding leftover McDonalds napkins over our cuts, and the magazine has been banished to the back seat, so she forgot to grab it when she headed home.
> 
> I sent it to her this morning in an orange mailer. Inside the mailer is another mailer, emblazoned with "danger, sharp objects" "caution" and other random danger stickers I printed off the internet, along with a pair of gloves. We shall see if she gets the joke when she opens it.....



OMG that is hysterical, That magazine is a bad seed.


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

LoriF said:


> Why do we say something is out of whack, what is a whack?


Perhaps the implied suggestion is that you have to whack it to fix it.

You know, similar to "use a bigger hammer"...




> Why do we call the person who invests all of our money a broker?


Because it's true! :rofl:

No joke: We had a state treasurer called Eric _Ripper_. And he was really really bad...




> @*SueC* why is the word for "fear of long words" so long? (Hippopotomonstostresquippelaliophobia)


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Thank you, @*LoriF* , that's a new one to me! Probably because I've never suffered from it. :rofl: Do I induce it, though? ;-)

Let's see if this will do it: _Nominative determinism!_

This is great fun actually: It is the idea that one's name affects one's fate / career choice etc.

Examples I've come across:

The state treasurer mentioned above.

Also:

I had a zoology demonstrator at university who was studying fish, and his name was Howard _Gill_!

When I had to have some facial bones reconstructed after a horse accident that happened when I was a child (and wasn't fixed till I could organise and pay for it myself at age 25, so I couldn't breathe through my nose from age 9 to age 25, that was fun but I digress!!!), my surgeon's name was _Dr Gilette_.

When I was working in Sydney, I used to drive past a sign that said, "_Dr Fang_, Dental Surgery" and it took so much self-control not to totally lose it and have a traffic accident.
I'm sure you've come across your own examples! :cowboy:


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## Captain Evil (Apr 18, 2012)

There were some funny ones in California...

...there was Goodbody Mortuary, Toothaker & Payne (dentists), and my mother's favorite, Seymore Kuntz, OB/GYN.


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

Captain Evil said:


> There were some funny ones in California...
> 
> ...there was Goodbody Mortuary, Toothaker & Payne (dentists), and my mother's favorite, Seymore Kuntz, OB/GYN.


:rofl: OMG! Hilarious!!

These are good! :lol:

Why do they call it a tractor-trailer, when it doesn't trail a tractor?
I call them 18-wheelers. :lol:


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

That's one of those we have different words for in the south. They are called transfer trucks mostly here.


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

We have a dry cleaner in town and the name of the place is Ripp's Cleaners. Why? It's the name of the family. I'm not bringing my stuff there.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

When I was a teenager there was a Chinese Restaurant in town called The Fu King....




ETA: That reminds me of the PE teacher at school, ended the year called Miss Flucker, got married over the summer and came back as Mrs Ball......


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

There's a store in our area called Sofa King....some of their ads are, uh, not for the faint of heart.


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

We have a new eatery in town. Don't expect any reviews from me.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

One of the great mysteries of my life was from when I was a child and wemwould go out to play. Back then it was any adult's right to tell children off if they were up to mischief regaerdless of whether they knew the children or not. 

How did my parents know we had been up to no good and had been caught, when they didn't have a phone to be told?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

On the same note, how is it my coach can be on the far side of the arena,_ looking the other way_, and be able to say "And take that look off your face" and be right!!!


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

One mystery I did solve was when I was about 7. Mum was at the kitchen sink doing dishes and I poked my tongue out at her. Next thing was I had a wet dishcloth slap me in the face. 

I didn't know how she had eyes in the back of her head! Then when I grew taller I realised she had seen me in the mirror!


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## 4horses (Nov 26, 2012)

In my house, the remote control is called a zapper and the shop vacuum is called R2D2. 

I still don't know how the windows on the east side of the back porch reflect an image of the neighbors house to the north, given there is a spare bedroom blocking the north side. It must be a reflection of a reflection. Although it does make it easier to spy on the neighbors!


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

Where have all the raspberry women gone - does that count?


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

What is a raspberry woman? 

Here a raspberry is a fruit or a fart.


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

At the 3:45 mark


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Nah - to my way of thinking that is not a raspberry woman.

Now, taking my previous mentioned meanings, I would fall into being a raspberry woman!


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

Just an attempt at humor.


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## Durango (Jul 16, 2018)

Why do you cook bacon but bake cookies?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Seems like owning a Warmblood means shopping for ‘stuff’ because she is cold!


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Mmmm if you feed someone a sandwich should you 'drink' them a coffee?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Why is it when I come to the hospital for tests or to see a specialist I have to arrive half an hour early to check in with “admissions” 

Today i’m Being admitted for surgery, and went straight to the unit, did not have to go to admissions!


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

At our last UK home we used to go up the Downs to walk our dogs or ride our horses


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

I am a legal assistant in my 'day job that pays my horse bills' life. I set the appointments, maintain my boss's calendar of appointments and court dates.

People call ALL THE TIME (And I've done this for 15 years) and ask for an appointment. I can give them a Tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. or in two weeks, it doesn't matter which is available... and I will always be honest and say: The SOONEST we have open for him is.... xyz date.

But invariably... I will always get asked, immediately: Is that the soonest you have?

...

....

Here's your sign.


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

Then there's that long pause and sometimes a stare down if he's out of the office and someone asks me a legal question above my pay grade and I say, I cannot answer that, I am not an attorney and Mr. Boss is in court in another county right now...


It's like they expect me to magically pull the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything out of thin air.


I've gotten to where I give them the, Yeah? What do you expect? look in return. I'm getting too old to tolerate dumb and life is too short for stuff like this.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Why is it that if a door has a sign on it saying PUSH people try to pull it?


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

Why do I tell my daughter when I'm texting her that she's not listening to me? Shouldn't it be not reading me?


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

The other day, the library was closed for computer network maintenance and new carpet. We've been letting people know this for weeks. We had signs on all the doors and a big sign outside saying we were closed. People moved that out of the way, read the sign on the door, and still pulled on the door and knocked hollering "Hey, the door is stuck. Let me in!" 

Common sense is not common anymore. Apparently neither is the ability to read "We're CLOSED today..."


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## Durango (Jul 16, 2018)

When we found our yearling sleeping on the other side of the pasture fence. With blue paint all over his legs and belly.


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## my2geldings (Feb 18, 2008)

Why do men have selective hearing?


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

How about when someone says to you, "no offense, but..."and proceeds to offend. :evil:


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

my2geldings said:


> Why do men have selective hearing?












:loveshower:


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

SilverMaple said:


> The other day, the library was closed for computer network maintenance and new carpet. We've been letting people know this for weeks. We had signs on all the doors and a big sign outside saying we were closed. People moved that out of the way, read the sign on the door, and still pulled on the door and knocked hollering "Hey, the door is stuck. Let me in!"
> 
> Common sense is not common anymore. Apparently neither is the ability to read "We're CLOSED today..."


"A man who won't read has no advantage over a man who can't read". 
Mark Twain


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

my2geldings said:


> Why do men have selective hearing?


My hearing is pretty well shot, due to a lifetime spent around big engines and things that go boom. I am stubbornly resisting the hearing aids.


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

My husband's dad recently had his hearing tested because his new wife was upset he wasn't hearing what she was saying. He's a farmer who spends his days around machinery, corn bins, and trucks. The tester smiled, then called in his wife and had her speak and say some things into the computer. Turns out her vocal range is right smack bang in the middle of the area of hearing he's missing. They had a good laugh about that. He got a hearing aid, and she now makes an effort to speak higher or lower, or get his attention before speaking!


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

I started noticing that Don would hear the first item on my "to do list", but nothing after that. I learned that part of the problem was I would often times be turning away from him after the first item spoken, and he simply couldn't hear. 



The other part was his mind shut down because it was on that first item to do/get. No multi tasking there. 



Now that I know this, I have adjusted how I ask for anything to be done and also have him repeat what I asked him for (very handy when he was running to the market for a few items). Not perfect, but not as frustrating as before.


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

SilverMaple said:


> My husband's dad recently had his hearing tested because his new wife was upset he wasn't hearing what she was saying. He's a farmer who spends his days around machinery, corn bins, and trucks. The tester smiled, then called in his wife and had her speak and say some things into the computer. Turns out her vocal range is right smack bang in the middle of the area of hearing he's missing. They had a good laugh about that. He got a hearing aid, and she now makes an effort to speak higher or lower, or get his attention before speaking!


Near the end of my army career, I had a hearing test. I'd had many before that, but the technicians just recorded the results and sent me on my way. This guy sat me down and read off the results to me. A bunch of numbers, and decibels, and gobbledygook, unintelligible to me. I asked for an explanation. He told me the various common sounds in the range I was missing. When he said "most women's voices", I jumped up and yelled "Write that down!". 

@Walkamile I'm that way as well. More often though, folks will start talking to me while one or the other of us is facing away. By the time I realize they are speaking to me and turn to face them, I only catch the last couple or three words. I've learned that "huh?'' or ''What?'' usually gets an angry response. So, I say ''I'm sorry, I couldn't hear.''. Almost always, the person repeats the last 2 or 3 words. The only ones I actually heard. When I'm still confused, they repeat the last 2 or 3 again, more emphatically. Sometimes we go round and round that way, even when I tell them I couldn't hear the first part of what they said. 


The goodewyfe has gradually adjusted to that. The rest of the world, not so much.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

I once dated a profoundly deaf. One day we were having an argument and he grabbed me. I really thought he was going to hit me but instead he yelled, "Don't turn your back on me when we argue!" 

He couldn't see what I was saying.


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

I have some hearing issues. I don't say much in public about it because there are so many people that have it worse. For me mostly its little things. Frustrating at times to watch tv. Talk on phone is difficult sometimes. Have to go inside instead of drive thru. It's not always about volume. Someone driving and using Bluetooth is a guessing game. It can be socially awkward.

Where the lips think comes in. I can't read them , but didn't notice I look at them until this girl pointed it out. She knew and said that some girls might think I'm looking southward. 

The weird part of how I really knew something was up. I realized I wasn't hearing that annoying buzzer on the dryer.


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

I'm starting to not be able to tune out background noise and if two people are talking at once I'm not going to be able to understand what either of them said.


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

For as long as I can remember I have not liked news, sports, political shows where people talk at once. Maybe I have always had it to some extent. 

Background noise is horrible for me. People talking while the tv is on, awful . Just noise in general.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Sounds like we are all meeting at a bar where there is no music, no TV’s and the booths are well spread out.


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

Golden Horse said:


> Sounds like we are all meeting at a bar where there is no music, no TV’s and the booths are well spread out.


I'd patronize that place. Didn't mean to lead the thread down a rabbit hole. But since we're here: 


I sometimes have to laugh at my predicament in the Philippines. The deference shown to elders by Asians starts with a lowering of the gaze and of the voice. There have been times that I have cupped my hand to my ear and stooped to try to catch a younger persons voice. A couple times it was rather comical, as the person lowered their gaze and voice even more. It was like we were both trying to get to the floor.


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

I dated a guy for a couple of years (he's still a good friend of ours) who was deaf in one ear due to some pretty horrific abuse as a child. It always irked me that he could turn over and go back to sleep during a thunderstorm, fireworks, loud noises outside, etc. Silver linings, I suppose...


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

Why, on the days I am in a hurry, do I get stuck behind every elderly person driving 47 mph, grain trucks, combines that take up the whole road, or other slow vehicles? If I have nowhere important to be and all the time in the world, the road stretches before me unencumbered for miles?


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

SilverMaple said:


> Why, on the days I am in a hurry, do I get stuck behind every elderly person driving 47 mph, grain trucks, combines that take up the whole road, or other slow vehicles? If I have nowhere important to be and all the time in the world, the road stretches before me unencumbered for miles?



Blame it on Murphy! LOL


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## JoBlueQuarter (Jan 20, 2017)

Cordillera Cowboy said:


> I'd patronize that place. Didn't mean to lead the thread down a rabbit hole. But since we're here:
> 
> 
> I sometimes have to laugh at my predicament in the Philippines. The deference shown to elders by Asians starts with a lowering of the gaze and of the voice. There have been times that I have cupped my hand to my ear and stooped to try to catch a younger persons voice. A couple times it was rather comical, as the person lowered their gaze and voice even more. It was like we were both trying to get to the floor.


That had me laughing out loud :lol:


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## mkmurphy81 (May 8, 2015)

JCnGrace said:


> Blame it on Murphy! LOL



Hey! I'm not in charge of the bad drivers. I just place inconvenient potholes and cue the rain after you wash your car.


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

RegalCharm said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5SyuiljV-E
> 
> :loveshower:



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Touché! :clap:


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Cordillera Cowboy said:


> "A man who won't read has no advantage over a man who can't read".
> Mark Twain


_Excellent_!

Thanks for sharing. Mr Twain has said lots of really insightful things, but we'd not heard this quote.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Why, if you ask someone a question and they say, "What did you say?" and you don't answer, they then reply to you original question?


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Foxhunter said:


> Why, if you ask someone a question and they say, "What did you say?" and you don't answer, they then reply to you original question?



They think they didn't hear it because they were distracted, but then their subconscious got it for them. Slight delay.


Glad I could solve this one for you! :clap:


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

Foxhunter said:


> Why, if you ask someone a question and they say, "What did you say?" and you don't answer, they then reply to you original question?



I'm very bad about doing that just to buy time to figure out how to answer.






Why is it that last bit of a bar of soap won't produce lather?


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

SueC said:


> They think they didn't hear it because they were distracted, *but then their subconscious got it for them. Slight delay.*
> 
> 
> Glad I could solve this one for you! :clap:


I had an ox drover explain safety around oxen to me once. 


"Don't stand too close if you don't have to. If they have an itchy spot, they'll swing their horns to scratch it. They'll notice afterwards that they gored you by accident. There's a wide synaptic gap in there."


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

Walkamile said:


> I started noticing that Don would hear the first item on my "to do list", but nothing after that. I learned that part of the problem was I would often times be turning away from him after the first item spoken, and he simply couldn't hear.
> 
> The other part was his mind shut down because it was on that first item to do/get. No multi tasking there.
> 
> Now that I know this, I have adjusted how I ask for anything to be done and also have him repeat what I asked him for (very handy when he was running to the market for a few items). Not perfect, but not as frustrating as before.



I have watched her videos before and I think you will find this very amusing.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

I just love Jeannie Robertson, especially the one below!


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

scientists tested boys no girls for differences between the sexes. 

One test they did was for them to wear headphones, two different words were simultaneously piped into each ear. The girls could tell you both words but the boys mostly heard only the word in the right headphone. 

Has the male sex evolved this so they don't hear all the nagging?


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

I guess a lot in conversation. If its people I know well, I can usually pick up enough.

It's when I say dumb things that's embarrassing. Want to go to the grocery store? And I say yes I like giraffes.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I thought of this thread when I saw this video, a 21st century update to Alanis Morisette's "Ironic":






I like that she gives a nod to the grammar police by acknowledging that, as catchy as her song is, it's not actually about irony :wink: Still a fun listen.


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

Foxhunter said:


> scientists tested boys no girls for differences between the sexes.
> 
> One test they did was for them to wear headphones, two different words were simultaneously piped into each ear. The girls could tell you both words but the boys mostly heard only the word in the right headphone.
> 
> Has the male sex evolved this so they don't hear all the nagging?



I refer you back to post #


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

Speaking of the saying "Huh?'" thing, we went out for lunch before hitting the grocery store today and while we were eating hubby says something that I only hear as a mumble so I had to say "huh?". "YOU DROPPED RICE ON YOUR BOOB!" Great so now the whole restaurant knows I have rice on my boob. :redface: :rofl:


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## RegalCharm (Jul 24, 2008)

@ JCnGrace :rofl::rofl:


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Here’s a mystery, why does DH go around swapping out all the light bulbs in the new house to low energy bulbs, to save money......while having the thermostat cranked up to burn in Hell, and leaving the back door open?


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

That is a mystery I often witness but will never understand @Golden Horse.


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

I try not to run heat. Spent the long summer in hell, no hurry to recreate it.


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## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

That also brought back a memory. When I was little, we built a house. It had a fire place. But no couldn't be a regular normal fire place. I can't remember the name brand but my dad had an insert put in it. Not just a normal one I would think. Super duper that connected to duct work. You controlled it at the thermostat, and he heat would blow all through the house. This was in Alabama mind you, not Alaska.

Omg. I would close my door and open the window. You could roast marshmallows on your vent. I got a tan. I smelled like I lived at Smoky Joes BBQ.


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

mg:, @aubie, that sounds terrible! :-( People are always going on about idyllic childhoods, but some of us really enjoy being adults and not having to put up with stuff like that anymore!


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