# Am I asking too much?



## verona1016 (Jul 3, 2011)

I don't think that would be too much at all. My old barn had a huge poster with the rules posted on one of the arena walls. It wasn't obtrusive, but served as a reminder to those who might forget some of the basic courtesies.

I'd also print out copies and provide to all the current boarders, as well as make sure a copy was given to new boarders when they moved in going forward.

It sounds like you'd be doing basic rules that most people are following anyway, so I wouldn't expect a negative reaction.


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## gssw5 (Jul 30, 2013)

I do not board. But I think what your looking for is called common courtesy. I do not think it is unreasonable for people to clean up after themselves, ask to borrow things and put borrowed items back where they found them, and the item should be in better shape then when it was borrowed.

You can post the rules but I am willing to bet this girl will think they don't apply to her, rules are a reminder for those who follow them, not for those who don't. Especially if there are no consequences.

I think coddling her when she has temper tantrums and keeping from upsetting her is ridiculous, if she is a grown person she needs to behave as such. 

Have your mom discuss the rules of common courtesy with her especially interrupting lessons, if she does not like the rules tell her she is free to leave, and don't let the barn door hit her on the way out.

Most likely she will have a temper tantrum and leave, problem solved.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

Most barns have rules. Make a list and have your mom right the ones up she agrees with so they see itis her handwriting.


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## clumsychelsea (Jul 9, 2014)

The only barn I've been at so far that didn't have a list of rules is my current barn, and that's because it's so laid back and everyone works together so there's never really any conflicts. The other barns I've been at had a lot more going on like lessons, leasing, horses were stalled at night and the tack room was heated with seating. No chance of garbage or food in our current tack room because it has no lights or heating or seats, nobody wants to stay in there longer than necessary! :lol: Thankfully it's being relocated.

I don't think rules are unreasonable. I didn't know at my first barn that treats were only to go in the feed buckets until I read the rules board they had up. It helps people that don't mean to break rules but just aren't aware. In the case of the girl that's causing you trouble though... Different story. I understand that talking to her about what she's doing can be difficult but it really needs to be done, even if you can get your mom or somebody to do it. She just seems to be generally disrespectful.


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## PrivatePilot (Dec 7, 2009)

InsomniacsDream said:


> Has she listened to me? Nope. Absolutely not. We have to be careful with her too as she has slight anger problems and can go into fits off depression or full on rage.


I'd be posting rules, but I'd also be showing her the door.

Sorry, but if someone goes into a rage over being (presumably courteously?) asked to follow some basic rules which should seem like common sense to most people to begin with, I wouldn't want that person around. 

Then again, my tolerance for people with anger issues is low at best, but I treat people respectfully and expect the same in return.


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## InsomniacsDream (Mar 6, 2014)

PrivatePilot said:


> I'd be posting rules, but I'd also be showing her the door.
> 
> Sorry, but if someone goes into a rage over being (presumably courteously?) asked to follow some basic rules which should seem like common sense to most people to begin with, I wouldn't want that person around.
> .


We have been warned by her family members that she has some issues and we try to be very accepting of everybody that comes to our barn. But I'll try the rules before anything drastic.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

This is a business arrangement that needs posted rules. Stop tippy toeing around the disrespectful border, it's your barn, your rules. Make it clear that if they don't wish to abide by the rules they will be given 30 days notice to vacate the premises. Remember, nice guys finish last. People like her often wind up getting late with the board money, and later, then none payment. I hope you have a contract that covers that. There are so many stories on here about people who didn't, were the nice guys and got royally worked over financially.


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## loveduffy (Dec 22, 2011)

first welcome to the forum, Posting rule is good for everybody that way they know what is the rules and no question. you could also tell her to help you by setting an example for the others


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

It sounds as if she may have some emotional problems. Place a trash can near her tack shed.
Post the rules. One set at the arena , one set at the barn. 
If your lesson students are falling because of her behavior, Give her a notice that she cannot use the arena during lesson times, due to Liability issues. Do you have more than one arena ?
or the land in order to have another arena ? Since you have boarders and do lessons, the lesson arena should be only for lessons. 
I left one place , as i would want the arena and there would be lessons going on , and in 3 arenas.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

You are being way too nice, and no, I do not think your Mom should have to back you up. She has given you the authority, and it sounds like there is ONE person who is the issue. I would sit her down and have a chat with her and her family who thinks she needs special treatment. Perhaps THEY can help her behave. Most people learn to ride with other horses in the arena and respect each other. It is not rocket science, and I think she can too. I think you will find that the entire barn dynamic will change for the better once fools stop tip toeing around this person. It will be much more relaxed, and I would guess your job will be much easier.


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## cebee (Apr 4, 2010)

Her anger issues do not supersede the need for your students to be safe during lessons. You owe that to THEM. 
Her anger issues do not supersede the needs of the other boarders to have things where they are supposed to be, when they need them.
Her anger issues are HER issues, and have probably served her well over the years in not having to be responsible for her own behaviors. 
It sounds like this boarder is the only one you are having trouble with. How do the other boarders feel about her? Is she causing discord in the barn? Do others complain? 

By all means, post rules. Because she might get angry at having to follow the same rules as everyone else is NOT a reason not to expect the same from her as from the rest of the boarders. And if she cannot follow them, I dont think it is unreasonable to suggest she find other boarding arrangements. 

I board, and trust me, if she is not following the basic rules, it is affecting other boarders as well. We KNOW who never cleans up ( and Im sure others clean up after her!) We KNOW who 'borrows' other peoples stuff and does not return it. We KNOW who is disrespectful of others in the arena. It causes others to be unhappy, which in turn affects their opinion of the barn. Losing boarders because of one with anger issues is not worth it. Believe me!


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## InsomniacsDream (Mar 6, 2014)

Thanks everybody! We are posting a rules board tomorrow morning! WIsh us luck!


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

Wishing you good luck. I do think by having your rules posted and if needed have a discussion with the one boarder is a good thing, may makes things better for everyone. One person should not be able to disrupt lessons (making it not safe for young riders), leave garbage about, etc.
You might be surprised at how this person smartens up their behavior when faced with rules. Everyone knows where they stand, then others can ask this boarder to abide by the rules.


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## STT GUY (Apr 23, 2014)

InsomniacsDream said:


> My mom runs a boarding facility off my grandma's property, as we have a piece we live on ourselves. My mom has asked me to be a 'barn manager' type of worker. (I use barn manager very very loosely) I do it for free obviously and because I'm am younger than the majority of our boarders I feel like they don't listen to me.
> 
> I have asked one particular boarder a few times to not leave garbage in the tack room, no food left in their either, put away tack borrowed etc. Has she listened to me? Nope. Absolutely not. We have to be careful with her too as she has slight anger problems and can go into fits off depression or full on rage. We do our best to help her out when she gets like this but sometimes I end up getting caught in the fire with her.
> 
> ...


 
Your barn, your rules. Don't tip toe around the offending person. Let her know her behavior is unacceptable. Don't be under the illusion a sign will change things. She has a respect problem and truthfully I'd give her three warnings and then ask her to go elsewhere. If you allow her get away with bad behavior your other client will be negatively affected as well as you.

This girl needs to have firm boundaries set and then needs to be mindful of them or suffer the consequences.


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## jenkat86 (May 20, 2014)

Do you have your boarders sign a contract? If not, it might be a good idea to draw one up and hand it out to everyone. Most of your boarders won't have a problem with it, and the ones that do...well, have them pack up. Plus, it will protect you in the end.


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## RegularJoe (Aug 26, 2014)

I think posting rules is a good idea, as is going over what's expected for anyone who is new and providing reminders for anyone who "forgets" the rules. 

That said, I suspect this is one of those people who thinks they don't really need to abide by the same rules as everyone else.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

I certainly respect being cognizant of someone's problems. However, there are serious safety concerns here and if her "disability" (I'm sure that word will show up at some point) limits her from being able to be courteous, respectful and safe at the barn, then she must be supervised at all times by someone who can properly direct and control her, both on and off the horse, in and out of the arena. 

If I am missing my leg and can't get on a horse by myself, then I need a tool to assist me. That tool can be a stool, or it could be a person physically assisting. There is no inanimate object that can help this boarder, therefore she must have a full time supervisor or must leave the barn.

It is not your responsibility to see that she receives counselling, therapy or medication for her issues, but I sure hope someone is guiding her toward help for her emotional issues.


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## luvmydrafts (Dec 26, 2013)

I would talk to your mom about the issues you are having esp. with the 'angry' boarder...She is best equipped to help out in the situation


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## Gossip (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm 15 and if my mom and I ran a barn together I would expect boarders to listen to me 100 percent, because when it comes to horses, me and my mom are on the same page, and if they don't listen to me they'll have to deal with my mom who has a shorter temper. If they don't respect you despite your age (idk how old you're probably older than me) then they shouldn't board at your barn. Having rules doesn't make you a she-devil. I'm a very organized person and if I found trash in my own tack room I would flip.


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## RegularJoe (Aug 26, 2014)

Gossip said:


> I'm 15 and if my mom and I ran a barn together I would expect boarders to listen to me 100 percent...


Well, it's not entirely clear what "ran a barn together" means, but my response to that is that if I were a boarder there, I would expect that unless the BO told me you managed the barn I would be unlikely to place any more value on your opinion than that of anyone else. If she did, I'd probably wonder why I was boarding at a place managed by a high school student. Now, I don't doubt that you know what you're doing. Most 15 year olds living on a horse farm are going to know a lot more about horses than I do, but that's not the point. 

Generally speaking when I'm paying big fees for services to a small business like that, if there's an issue I expect to deal with the person who cashes my checks, not the staff. Even if you're doing most of the work, you're not the owner. 

Now in this particular case there's no question in my mind that the boarder is a problem. Things like picking up after yourself seem so self-evident that it's hard to imagine someone needs to be told these things. Regardless, the point is that the word of the BO carries a lot more weight than that of the BO's daughter.


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## Cielo Notturno (Sep 12, 2013)

I wanted to add my opinion about rules. When there is a person who is being disrespectful, and you are letting her, you are making your barn a bad place. 

You are making your barn a place where boarders find trash around.

You are making your barn a place where kids get thrown off lesson horses because other riders don't care. 

You are making your barn a place where if you don't lock your things away, you might not find them for days.

A good barn is a place where those things don't happen. So you have every right to set rules, and if she doesn't listen, send her away. 

If you ignore the issue because you are being too nice, you are actually offering a bad service to all the other boarders and students, and instead of losing just one boarder, you might lose many and have the word spread around that your place is not well managed.


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## palomino347 (Dec 28, 2014)

I think that's actually a really good idea.
If the boarders at your barn aren't listening to you, you can't just let it happen. Putting up actual rules is good because if they disobey, you can actually show them the rules. 
Sometimes people just try to see how far they can get away with something and by putting up rules, they can't get very far. :wink:

I really hope they start listening to you!

Best of luck,
K


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## Exotic (Dec 29, 2014)

I think it would be a good idea to put up rules, but that doesn't mean they will be followed. Some people are just jerks. And no you aren't a picky person for having these rules, it common sense to not do those things especially if you asked once that should be enough!


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

Do you have a signed boarding contract on file with everyone? This is a _must_, as you are finding out and most well-run stables _include_ the rules list when a new boarder comes in and it is _signed when the contract is_.

It doesn't hurt to also have one set of rules posted in the stable but if you do it now, this woman with the anger management problem is going to know she is the "target". Put the rules up, expect some fireworks and plan to give her notice (verbally and in writing) to GET OUT the minute they start. One bad boarder ruins the experience for all. You simply cannot afford to let one bad boarder chase the good ones away!

Now the other side-I happen to have landed in a boarding stable with non-horse, passive-aggressive barn owners and honestly, if there were any other stables available within a decent driving area, this stable would be _empty._ They hate confrontation so whenever there is a problem with _one _boarder, they put "nasty grams" on _everyone's_ stall instead of stopping the problem where it started. This _never _solves anything especially as we all know exactly who is causing the problems and we are insulted to be included in the mess.

As for posting barn rules, these BOs go overboard. There are nasty, picky little signs being posted _everywhere_-always a new one. Once again, causing resentment for being treating like children and leading most of us to just ignore them. Never forget that we boarders are there to have fun and it's therapy time for many of us. We _don't _go there to have to deal with disruptive, childish behavior! Too much of that in our _real_ world!

Get rid of this woman! Many of the problems in boarding is a wimpy BO afraid to actually deal with and get rid of the problem directly.

If you aren't currently using a boarding contract, sit down and make a list of the problems you've had so far and the possibilities in the future. You can pull free equine legal forms off the net: http://www.equine.com/help/legal.aspx and then modify them to suit you. Add the barn rule list and make sure everyone gets a copy. _Make everyone sign them or move out. _

By getting tough now, you will save yourself a lot of agony in the future.


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