# When is it Ok to Interfere?



## Hailey1203 (Dec 12, 2010)

Hey guys!

So, i have a dilemma. I'm part of a "Plus Size English Rider" group on facebook, and recently one of the members posted a picture of herself jumping her horse.

This girl had no balance and was bouncing all over her horses back. As well, she getting left behind at the fences and jerking on her horses mouth. Im not only concerned about her (She just about falls off after the second jump) but also her horse. She is a bigger girl and it can't be good for the horse to have someone bouncing all over the place like that... right?

Should I say something? Or just observe and worry?


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Honestly? Just keep your mouth closed. You don't own the horse or have any say in it's care, and likely this will just start an argument that will go nowhere. 

Arguments on the internet are almost NEVER worth the time and energy you waste on them. Unless someone asks for constructive criticism or advice, don't waste your time giving it. It amounts to basically screaming down a hole in the ground, and just about as effective. Use your energy more constructively on things you CAN control. If it's outside of the group's scope or showing outright, blatant cruelty, then appeal to the moderators to remove the content.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

You could maybe offer up some help, saying that you applaud that she is out there trying things, and you would like to see her improve. Suggest little things to feel her out and see what her response is, if she is open to it. Don't do it publicly though. Once you get to know her a bit, you might find she is very receptive to more information, or maybe she will shut you right out. You need to be able to accept that she'll want no part of improving. If you'll have trouble with that, then just let it go now.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

It is a very interesting question, and personally I would say something. 

The only way that I can trust the "big girls group' is if they do actually tell the truth, because otherwise who can I trust. Example, there is a a girl who has a beautiful big Canadian Horse, he is always beautifully turned out, and carries his plus size rider with ease, so what's the issue? Well she was a bad rider, she did have coaches, but honestly it was hard to watch her ride, because, for example, she posted the trot by lifting on her hands and pulling herself up. 

So many people said "Awww you look good together" and left it at that, not fair to have a go because of her size. Well that is not fair on the horse, if you are big, and you ride you have to have the right horse, the correct fitting tack for horse and rider and you have to ride well, or at least be working to improve.

So, I would not, could not ignore it, everyone can improve their riding, no need to be nasty, just matter of fact.


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## flyingewe (Jan 18, 2014)

If a person has a coach, and is practicing, doesn't this mean she is trying to improve? We were all in her boots at one time. No one is born a great rider! Have patience and the decency to keep your mouth closed.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

has she asked for help, or a critique? if not, then say nothing. invite her to come here and post for a critique, but if she is not interested, she will not hear, nor is it your right to tell her. 

there are so many riders whose riding can make us feel upset, but it kind of reminds me of the old Tshirt that says, "I can't sleep. someone on the internet is wrong!"


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## Liligirl (Jun 9, 2012)

Unless she has asked for help, keep your mouth closed. If you really feel you want to "help her" 
Then do as above suggests first congratulate her and say looking good, them gently encourage one place were she could improve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Regardless of her size, it's not good for the horse. She clearly thinks she's doing just dandy (why else would she post pictures?), so unless she asked for a critique, don't give one.


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## SSChoofbeats13 (Aug 17, 2014)

I was wondering how to approach the same issue. It is someone that shows in my county, they have 2 horses going lame because if his size. They don't listen to any polite suggestions. His horse has flat out laid down on him 2x because it is just too tired to finish the show.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

SSC - how is it that the judges allow this rider to show? When I was minutely involved with showing, any horse that was lame was immediately sent out of the ring and any horse that laid down, was out of control, caused a danger to others, etc. would have been tossed as well.

As for what YOU can do? Hmmm.. short of calling SPCA to attend a show (and they probably wouldn't do anything), I don't know that there is anything. Some situations are just tough.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

Stay out of it. She'll just resent your interference. I cannot remember WHO, but there was a somewhat famous H/J pair about 50-60 years ago--just read about them and saw one picture of the pair--and the man hit the horse in the mouth every time he went over a jump. Still his horse loved to please him. I think she'll get tired of falling and probably give up jumping fairly soon.


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

I might do a short fib and say that I dealt with ( or do) with a similar problem and get a bit of advice on what techniques she using or trying to. You could then share your thoughts without sounding critical. Most people will open up if you are willing to do so as well.

If you care for her and her horse, then this may be a good approach.

The best to you.


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## JumperEmoKid (Feb 11, 2013)

Offer your experience. Personally, I'd most likely say something to the effect of "Looking pretty good there. I love jumping, and its super fun, but I did happen to notice you seemed a bit bouncy. Whenever I'm getting a little bouncy or unsteady in the saddle I've found that (*insert explanation of what i do to try not to bounce around*) or do (*insert exercises*) with my trainer. Critique is always helpful for me to. I love The Horse Forum - Horses, horse riding, horse training, horse tack, horse pictures and video (offer the direct link), people there are almost always helpful. " If she gets on your case or says you're being rude, just say you were only offering your opinion, and didn't mean to hurt/offend her.


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