# Barn Owner Turned on Me Overnight



## rensun (Sep 8, 2021)

I hope to get some clarity on a situation that occurred yesterday. I am the new owner of a sweet little mare who has navicular. I adopted her and moved her to a quiet privately owned barn. It only has six stalls and 4 boarders. It seemed like the perfect fit. I’ve been there 5 months and have never had any issues with the owner. In fact, we got along very well. Yesterday, my horse was limping quite a bit when I arrived at the barn. I immediately called the BO and asked her if she could come out to see my horse. I wanted to get her thoughts as she claims to be a horse expert. I also called my vet who was out of town, and she notified me that she would call me back shortly.

When the BO arrived, she told me that I needed to check my horse’s pulse and feel for heat in the leg. I did what she said, but did not feel any heat. My horse just seemed to be favoring one foot. I told the BO that I had checked my horse’s hooves, and began talking through some various reasons for the limp. She immediately cut me off and went to her trunk and got a tube of banamine. She said, “it’s expired (over a year old) but it’s fine. I need to give this to your horse right now,” and starts to give it to my horse. I stopped her and said, “I appreciate your help, but 1) she just had Equioxx and my vet told me not to mix it with any other anti inflammatory and 2) I’d prefer for my vet to make the call on what she should have, and call in a fresh prescription that’s designed for her.” In that moment, you’d think I said the most offensive thing in the world to her. She practically threw the tube at me, told me I have no faith in her, and said obviously, you want your horse to be in pain.” I began to cry and said, “look, I just want to talk with my vet first, please.” I was already emotional seeing my girl in pain and this wasn’t helping. 

The BO didn’t seem to care at all how I was feeling and she stormed out of the barn. For the next three hours while I talked with my vet, my farrier, my horse’s previous vet, and the pharmacy, the BO blew up my phone with calls and text messages. Not about my horse, but about how upset she was by what I said. I knew any conversation with her in that moment was going to be drama laden, so I avoided the calls and messages and focused on getting my horse everything she needed to feel better. 

That evening, I finally sat down and texted the BO an update on what the vet said and what we did to solve the issue. I’m thinking that she could now relax that everything was fine. Her response was rude and she accused me of being negative towards her - in reality my text was completely innocent and actually quite nice. 

She insisted that we needed to talk on the phone, but again, I knew that this was not going to be a friendly chat, and I simply didn’t have the mental stamina to deal with her drama. I politely told her I’d speak with her the next day. So today arrives, and she begins blowing up my phone again asking when we can meet. 

I had a very busy day today, so sitting down to discuss this drama again wasn’t top of my priority list. When I had a moment to sit down and breathe this evening, I sent her a long text message. The jist of it was telling her that I respect her experience and appreciate her helping me, but that I need to have the final say on my horse, and that I should not have been made to feel badly about wanting to talk with my vet first. 

I told her my goal is always to just enjoy my horse and stay away from barn drama as much as possible. Well, she has now made me her mortal enemy overnight, and told me to leave her barn by the 23rd of this month. Just like that. Apparently, she didn’t like that I texted her and didn’t give her the chance to unleash her crap on me via telephone. I have cried way too much over this situation, and I keep wondering what I did wrong. I’m panicking now thinking that I have to find a new place and uproot my horse again. 

Was I out of line to simply ask her not to give my horse an expired tube of medicine that was not prescribed for her? Or wrong to ask the BO to wait for my vet to call me back? Or inconsiderate to simply take some time for myself and not engage in a phone call that I know will disturb my inner peace? I feel so sad and discouraged about the whole situation, and afraid to start over someplace else. Is this normal in the horse world? I sure hope not.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

Eh, just find a new place quickly and move on. Don’t waste any precious brain processing time on a crazy person. All you need to know is that you did right by your horse and someone took exception to a perfectly reasonable response. You don’t sound like a rude person so there is nothing to fix on your side. The BO needs some fixing but you are not their therapist so don’t waste any time whatsoever on figuring it out.

Good luck with your horse.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

You've done nothing wrong.
You acted in the best defense of your horse who this barn-owner is not aware of all medical decisions/protocol you are working with.
Its called being a advocate for your animal cause no one else is held responsible but you.
I have been told Banamine a year expired is OK to use, but if already speaking with the vet, it would be them to validate that and personally, use your own not someone else's drugs if you can.

I think your BO went a bit overboard in intensity and yes, she is angry she could not berate you by how you handled the situation.
I would be very happy to leave a toxic barn like this one has become...
No one has a right to dump on you, undermine the licensed vet you were working with ..... AND you own the horse not the BO!

Go find a new barn, don't speak negatively of the place but if asked just say we came to a parting over how to handle a lameness issue my horse has and leave it or say nothing.
The horse world is fast to elaborate stories and crucify...
I bet you will hear much once you move on to a new place of this place, good and much bad as bet you are not the only one what has dealt with this attitude and fury.

Move on and get out ASAP cause no peace shall be here for you not your animal and you will be dodging anger every time you go see your horse.
You don't even need to be hiding the fact you are leaving as she dictated....just go!
Start removing all of you equipment immediately...only bring in what you must have in a carrier, anything else...goes home, now!
🐴....


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

If your horse is already on a regular dose of Equioxx then your vet is correct as its not worth mixing with another anti inflammatory for a lameness related issue.
If your horse was having a colic type episode then it might be worth using Banamine, but not for lameness.

It would also have been counterproductive to have given anything that might mask the pain if the vet was going to come out and do a diagnosis. 

I wouldn't lose any sleep on it - look for a new barn and move out of that one ASAP


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## secuono (Jul 6, 2011)

You did nothing wrong.
The BO is a psycho and you need to find a new barn ASAP. Even if she hadn't of kicked you out, I'd be moving as soon as I could. 
She will not change, you won't be able to get her to see clearly. Just leave before she freaks out further and don't bother accepting any apology or her letting you stay. It's not a safe environment. 
Life is too short to waste time with these things and people like her.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Ditto to what the others said.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

It is common knowledge that for a vet to correctly diagnose a lameness issue, you must not mask the symptoms with pain relieving drugs. That comes AFTER the animal is seen by the vet. 

This experience would have happened anyway, somewhere down the lliine, since that person has some problems, obviously. I will say that denying people communication can add to bad feelings. So, perhaps you should have promised that you would call her first thing in the morning that evening. However, it is likely that conflict would occur again soon, no matter what you did or did not do. Small, owner operated stables can often be mine fields in that regard.


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## boatagor (Jun 27, 2017)

I left a barn earlier this year where the BO acted this same way. If you didn't take her (bad) advice, she would flip out on you. We got into several disagreements in a row (she said she would feed the supplements I provided, then suddenly changed her mind because the vet needed to approve them, but she was shilling some MLM sounding supplements to everyone else, issues with pasture mates with my gelding, etc) and my friend that had boarded there previously told me I was on thin ice and would find myself out if I didn't just go along with her. We were both incredibly unhappy there so I jumped on finding another place, and had him moved within the week. It's been the best thing I've ever done for us, even though the cost every month doubled. Some people just can't handle being told they don't know everything, and in my experience, it's better to just move on than to keep beating your head against the wall trying to deal with them. The owner of my current barn is very opinionated and will recommend things, but knows at the end of the day he's my horse and I can take or leave the advice as I see fit.


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## Milton'sMama (Jan 9, 2021)

You did nothing wrong. There seem to be a lot of barn owners with personalities similar to the one you've dealt with. They're kind of insecure control freaks.

Nah. Ain't nobody got time for that. Get your mare moved ASAP. Put feelers out and start asking around. You'll find a place. And don't give your current BO another thought. Not your circus...not your monkeys.

Edited to remove my BO story. Not necessary.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

First of all... Horse people are crazy.

Next, You did obviously respect your barn owner because you called her immediately for advice. You were right to not mix Equioxx with Banamine. This BO was obviously embarrassed over her mistake. I wish I could say "every horse owner knows you don't mix those meds" but they don't.

I am sorry things went so south for you so quick but I think a new barn is defiantly what you will need. Crazy people stay crazy....


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

I would be gone. Move. I boarded a horses for a short while. The BO has no right to insist on any supplement or any medication. She was probably annoyed that you went and asked her, then said no wait. From what you state , that was an over reaction. Do not ask BO for advice on medical issues in the future. If your horse is very sore, then you can pad and wrap the hoof , non medicated until the Vet sees it. You shoudl ask your Vet about medicated pads and shoes for this horse. Ask your Vet. Move stables now. After you are gone, if you want send a little card, saying you apologize for hurting her feelings, because I do think that this is what you did.


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## rensun (Sep 8, 2021)

Thank you, everyone. Reading your responses has been so helpful. I did end up speaking with her the following day, and she was much calmer, but she gaslighted me, made me feel guilty and still insisted she was right. She wasn’t. I had the farrier come to see my girl, and it was definitely an issue with her shoeing. One day with the new shoes, and a dose of bute (prescribed by her vet) and she’s walking like a champ again. BO has suddenly changed her mind about asking me to leave after we spoke - probably because I work there on Sundays to help her (her other guy goes to church) and she can’t stand the heat or the work (she has a bad back). Also, I quietly listened to her talk about how hurt she was for over an hour, so I guess she felt better. But, yeah, I’m absolutely now on the hunt for a new barn.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

rensun said:


> Thank you, everyone. Reading your responses has been so helpful. I did end up speaking with her the following day, and she was much calmer, but she gaslighted me, made me feel guilty and still insisted she was right. She wasn’t. I had the farrier come to see my girl, and it was definitely an issue with her shoeing. One day with the new shoes, and a dose of bute (prescribed by her vet) and she’s walking like a champ again. BO has suddenly changed her mind about asking me to leave after we spoke - probably because I work there on Sundays to help her (her other guy goes to church) and she can’t stand the heat or the work (she has a bad back). Also, I quietly listened to her talk about how hurt she was for over an hour, so I guess she felt better. But, yeah, I’m absolutely now on the hunt for a new barn.


I think you did a good thing, jsut to listen to her. I agree, moving would probably be best.


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## Sumner'sAcorn (Oct 8, 2021)

rensun said:


> I hope to get some clarity on a situation that occurred yesterday. I am the new owner of a sweet little mare who has navicular. I adopted her and moved her to a quiet privately owned barn. It only has six stalls and 4 boarders. It seemed like the perfect fit. I’ve been there 5 months and have never had any issues with the owner. In fact, we got along very well. Yesterday, my horse was limping quite a bit when I arrived at the barn. I immediately called the BO and asked her if she could come out to see my horse. I wanted to get her thoughts as she claims to be a horse expert. I also called my vet who was out of town, and she notified me that she would call me back shortly.
> 
> When the BO arrived, she told me that I needed to check my horse’s pulse and feel for heat in the leg. I did what she said, but did not feel any heat. My horse just seemed to be favoring one foot. I told the BO that I had checked my horse’s hooves, and began talking through some various reasons for the limp. She immediately cut me off and went to her trunk and got a tube of banamine. She said, “it’s expired (over a year old) but it’s fine. I need to give this to your horse right now,” and starts to give it to my horse. I stopped her and said, “I appreciate your help, but 1) she just had Equioxx and my vet told me not to mix it with any other anti inflammatory and 2) I’d prefer for my vet to make the call on what she should have, and call in a fresh prescription that’s designed for her.” In that moment, you’d think I said the most offensive thing in the world to her. She practically threw the tube at me, told me I have no faith in her, and said obviously, you want your horse to be in pain.” I began to cry and said, “look, I just want to talk with my vet first, please.” I was already emotional seeing my girl in pain and this wasn’t helping.
> 
> ...


BO possibly has borderline personality disorder. You did nothing wrong. Once a person with this disorder perceives a form of criticism and narcissistic injury along with that, this is how they get.....


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## BethR (Feb 17, 2021)

Stories like this make me so glad I was able to keep my mare at home. I’m sorry this happened to you. If this woman doesn’t get her act together immediately, I agree with those who recommend a different boarding facility.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

this is an old thread. I would hope the the OP would come back and update us on the situation. Unfortunately, this is often the case on online forums' where people come for advice and then don't come back ./ . . . . . oh well . . .


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## rensun (Sep 8, 2021)

Sumner'sAcorn said:


> BO possibly has borderline personality disorder. You did nothing wrong. Once a person with this disorder perceives a form of criticism and narcissistic injury along with that, this is how they get.....


Thank you, Sumner’sAcorn. I began to realize this as the situation escalated. She continued to be horrible and I left.


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## rensun (Sep 8, 2021)

tinyliny said:


> this is an old thread. I would hope the the OP would come back and update us on the situation. Unfortunately, this is often the case on online forums' where people come for advice and then don't come back ./ . . . . . oh well . . .


I’m still checking in on the responses, and have really appreciated everyone’s advice here. The situation definitely did escalate with this woman. She continued to make my life miserable - to the point of threatening to hurt my horse - and I immediately moved out of the barn. It was traumatic and sudden, but both me and my mare are doing better and are happier in the new barn. The funny thing is that in speaking to some people later about this particular barn owner, they laughed when they heard her name. They told me “Oh it was her? She’s a nut! Everyone in the horse world knows she is crazy. She throws people out all the time for not listening to her!” There is another girl at my new barn who also had a bad experience with this woman. It reassured me that I wasn’t the one who caused her bizarre behavior. Thanks again to everyone who responded. It really helped me through a stressful situation. My girl and I are doing great now in the new barn. Keeping my fingers crossed it stays that way!


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