# Negative riding buddy destroying my confidence.



## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

Here is a hard learned bit of advice. 

Whenever someone is bad mouthing others around you, it is a pretty good bet that they are bad mouthing you around others. Give them a wide berth.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

As soon as she starts, interrupt her with something positive. Keep doing it and she'll quit but it might take a while. Or tell her straight out "I'm not interested in hearing this" and turn away. You are already feeling the effects so try to stand your ground. Don't worry about hurting her feelings, I suspect she's a pretty tough gal.


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## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

Tell her her attitude won't fly at the new lease facility. When she asks what you mean tell her she'll find out.
You can't stop her from going where she wants, short of warning the lease place but you can stop paying attention to her.


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## TXhorseman (May 29, 2014)

Waltz, despite your friend's abilities, it sounds as though she lacks self-confidence and feels it necessary to belittle others in order to help herself look better. People who do this seldom realize that their actions tend to make people think less of them rather than more.

Perhaps you could find a way of explaining this latter point to her. She would probably get defensive, however, if you spoke of her actions as a display of lack of self-confidence.

In addressing your own feelings, you should concentrate on the progress you and your horse are making. This need not be the progress in riding that others can see and admire. It may simply be the relationship between you and your horse which is even more important.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

You do not need to defend yourself to her. If / when she makes another negative comment to you, say to hear, I don't find your comments amusing, funny or helpful. So please , if you cannot find something nice to say to me, then please do not say anything. 
She will most likely get angry and bad mouth more than she already does.


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

Any rider with basic skills can get on a finished horse and point and ride.

Rome wasn't built in a day. You have your green horse, work with him at your level and his. You aren't going to make a finished horse over night, or be a top rider with a month of lessons. If it were that easy, everyone would do it.

You're producing your own mount, keep at it. You're working, getting lessons, and putting them to use.

If she wants to bad mouth people, let her. Just walk away. People like that aren't worth the time or breath. Unfortunately she won't be the last person you meet like this in your life. Some just like to make themselves feel better and more superior by picking out other people's faults. Chin up, carry on what you're doing. 

You don't need that sort of negativity in your life!


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Sometimes being direct helps. "Why do you think you need to speak to me this way?" 

Honestly if she's destroying your confidence, maybe it's best to minimize contact with her. Keep your answers non-commital - things like "Hmm, that's interesting." "Okay." and "Huh." If she asks why you're not speaking to her or being more open, say "Honestly Suzie, the way you talk to me sometimes is very mean and disrespectful, and it's gotten to the point where it's not fun to be around you anymore" and leave it at that. 

It might be that she comes from a family or situation where picking on people is considered a form of affection or social interaction, and she honestly thinks this is acceptable behavior. Sometimes young people who do this really need to be told that it's not acceptable and that it's considered disrespectful by many people.


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