# Adventures of a re-rider: breaking through the fear



## nikelodeon79

I was born loving horses. My parents caved and let me buy a pony when I was 11. After he was dropped off, my parents and I spent over an hour trying to figure out how to put the bridle on before we gave up and drove to the seller's house to ask him which end was up. 









Bandit, the world's best pony. ~1980 - 07/05/2006 I'll never forget you, buddy. 

I liked to think I learned most all there is to know by reading books and picking up scraps of info here and there. I mostly taught myself, and was "training" horses by the time I was 16. I bought a green QH gelding when the pony was outgrown (Dad let me keep the pony, too!). I guess you could say it was a bit of a "trial by fire."









Pecos Cody, aka "Cody" foaled 04/01/1989. The best teacher a horse crazy girl could have, now enjoying well deserved retirement!

I've never been what you would call a fearless rider, but I remember doing things as a kid that I'd never do now: galloping a green horse through the open field, attempting jumps with no training whatsoever, etc. 

I had a few incidents, but it seems that anyone involved with horses for any length of time has their share of spills and thrills. My QH was a bit of a runaway, which led to a concussion from fall on a blacktop road during my pre-helmet days. A big gelding I was "training" for a friend dropped to the ground when we were attacked by ground bees and I ended up breaking my tailbone trying to dismount (the gelding "helped" by jumping up and taking off bucking, leaving me in a pile of large, sharp rocks. This time at least I was wearing a helmet... so the helmet cracked instead of my head). 

After I moved away for college I'd still get home a time or two to ride. A friend gifted me a 17 year old recently gelded Arab that had never been ridden and somehow, someway I gained his trust and was soon riding through the fields, reliving my childhood. 









SB Royale Heir, aka "Royal" 05/09/1983 - 03/06/13. My heart horse... my soul still aches from the loss... 

Life got busy, as it tends to do, and I decided to retire my two remaining horses (the Arab and the QH). For a time I tried to get back into the swing of things. I was asked to train by a woman who I'd met by giving advice in the local tack store. That ended badly (after all, I was in no way qualified to train professionally) but during that process I ended up rescuing a straight Egyptian Arabian gelding who had sold for $50K as a yearling (my purchase price was $250 bucks). 









The Desert Splash, aka "Mirage." 1990 - 01/03/2007. For such a short time you touched my life, but you left a lasting legacy. 

Five or so years passed with my butt never seeing a saddle. Every year I would attend one County Fair show per year on Labor Day Weekend and spend the rest of the fall searching online for that perfect horse I was going to buy to make my entry back into the horse world. 

On September 29, 2013, I bought a 7-year-old, greener than green, pinto gelding of uncertain heritage. He is big, beautiful and, to put it mildly, a whole lotta horse. 









Oskar Blues, aka "Oz" foaled ~2006. Our journey is just beginning. 

When I began to take lessons for the first time in my life, even though I'd been riding for over 20 years I still anticipated that there would be a lot to learn. 

What I didn't anticipate was the fear.


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## MyFillyAspen

I'm glad you are taking the plunge back into the saddle and horse ownership. Looking forward to seeing your's and Oz's progress, good luck. :grin:


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## nikelodeon79

I knew Oz was green but I guess I was fooling myself as to just HOW green he was. It hit me the first time we put a saddle on last fall... he rodeo bucked twice around the round pen before he even thought of slowing. 

My heart just sank. 

When I was younger a show like that still would've given me pause, but as an adult re-rider, my first thought was, "What have I done, and how can I UN-do it?"

My pride wouldn't let me contact the seller to find out if she'd buy him back, though I seriously considered it. I weighed my options and decided to put him in professional training. I had an honest conversation with my trainer about how I was feeling and told her I was in no hurry to get on him until she'd put plenty of miles on and felt I was ready. 

Prior to purchasing Oz, I'd had a grand total of two lessons. Both were on a steady eddy school mare whose reaction to a bad rider was to calmly stop moving. I'd discovered that just about all I knew was wrong from the position of my feet (heels waaaay down and toes pointed up and out) to my reaction to a horse spooking (tense up and grab on for the wild ride that's sure to come!). 

I started taking group lessons on school horses and got to be involved in the early stages of Oz's training. I learned how to properly start a horse. I learned how to properly RIDE a horse. 

(The first thing I did when I went to my parents' place to visit was to go out in the pasture and apologize to my retired horses. How they'd put up with me, I'll never know).

In January Oz decided to walk through a fence and cut his hock. Once he healed up, it was back into training. My trainer had been riding him by then and he was progressing nicely, though he and I were still nowhere near ready to become a team. 

I finally figured out position, posting and how to direct a horse with more than just jerks on the reins. I graduated to an intermediate level school horse. I was ready to ride my horse. 

In June Oz again decided to go through the fence. He cut the same spot on his hock, this time quite badly. It took longer to heal.... meaning I wouldn't be able to ride him and his training was set back.

By then my life had gone crazy with a new job with long hours. I was barely able to find time to visit the stable, let alone take lessons. So, we were both out of commission for awhile. 

He was put back into training in August. On September 7, I was to ride him for the first time. 

We lunged him in the round pen first and then my trainer got on. He gave a few halfhearted bucks, something he hadn't done since the early days of training. My trainer was somewhat disappointed. I was devastated. 

I had been afraid to get on before that moment but now I was terrified. Where had this fear come from? I had always been a confident rider but suddenly I would've rather been anywhere, doing anything other than what had once been my favorite activity in the world. 

I think the sudden realization that I was mortal and about to climb on a horse that had bucked a few moments earlier had something to do with becoming a mom. There's this sweet little boy who holds the universe in his smile that depends on me. How can I put myself at risk? He would never understand if mommy just didn't come home one day. 

Of course, another part of me realized that while I might've bounced up from falls as a teen, I'd most likely "splat" (or break!) as an adult. 

Getting down to the heart of things, I'd spent my riding career thinking I was a good rider only to find out that most of the things I'd been doing only encouraged a horse to spook, buck, or become a runaway. 

Now I own this horse, with plenty of paychecks worth of pro training put into him, that has beautiful movement, plenty of power, and amazing sensitivity to aids/cues. Exactly what I'd wanted, right? 

Had my trainer given me the chance to back out of that first ride I absolutely would have. Instead, she calmed him down, got him relaxed, got off and told me "Your turn!"

Getting on was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to bolt out of that round pen. I wanted to find a place to hide. I wanted to assume the fetal position and cry.

Instead, I took a deep breath and climbed into the saddle.


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## nikelodeon79

I could feel Oz tense up as I settled quietly into the saddle. My trainer had told me to concentrate on being nice and quiet and let him settle in before asking him to move off, and then to maintain that quietness for the first few strides until I felt him relax.

Well, I was concentrating so hard on being quiet that I didn't tell him which way to turn when he reached the rail. When I finally gave him the cue, he didn't have enough room to make the turn so my leg hit the fence. He spooked slightly and started trotting, but I managed to remember not to assume the "death grip" pose and just asked him to slow. He settled in after that (well... we both settled in, I should say) and we walked, trotted, and made a few turns. 

I still felt very conflicted after that ride. My trainer said that his tendency to tense up in the beginning may just be his MO. She doesn't feel he's in pain (he's been vet checked by the regular vet, the chiro and the massage therapist as well as regular farrier work). Instead, she thinks its more of a "muscle memory" thing. At some point in time, something happened to cause him to expect bad things when a rider gets on. Once he realizes it's a-okay, he settles in nicely. 

I had a serious conversation with my trainer about my options. After that first ride, I was seriously considering selling him. On the one hand, things went really well after the initial lazy buck with the trainer. I'd made a mistake and it turned out to be no big deal. On the other hand, I couldn't shake this sense of fear that settled in the pit of my stomach whenever I even thought of riding him. 

My trainer told me that I am a good, confident rider and I definitely can handle him, but she would support any decision I made. She said I was going about this decision the right way: understanding that I have options and being open to selling him if we don't "click." 

I rode him for the second time this past Wednesday. This time, he didn't try to buck at all. He did tense up a bit when my trainer got on, but settled in nicely after a few strides. He did the same when I first mounted. I figured my nervousness would be better, considering I'd gotten that first ride out of the way. 

If anything, I was more nervous. As I sat there, I came very close to dismounting and making the decision to sell him. The crazy thing was, he wasn't doing anything wrong. It was all me... I couldn't get over this mental block. 

I relaxed a bit after a few turns around the round pen. He was spooking a bit at one of the stable dogs but it really was no big deal. His reaction to something "scary" is to stop, which is my preferred reaction in a horse. I gained a bit of confidence being able to handle those little pauses, but still was uncertain when it came time to dismount. This time, I only walked him. 

I told my trainer I must not really be a confident rider.... I must just be good at faking it, because I was scared to death and almost got off a few minutes after I got on. She asked me if I felt this way when I was riding the school horses. 

I told her, "No, just with Oz." 

Just uttering that sentence made my feel more strongly then ever that I should sell him. The only horse I was afraid of is my own? Something about that just didn't seem right.


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## nikelodeon79

I had a lesson on Thursday. It was my second time on one of the more advanced school horses, Turner. I'd ridden him the previous week and really liked him. This time, we were working on turn on forehand and Turner was getting frustrated. He would sort of dance in place... backing up, going forward, "cheating" and moving his shoulders, etc. I felt a little of my nervousness, but managed to work through it. 

Towards the end of the lesson, Turner spooked at the "scary corner" of the arena. I was happy that I didn't revert back to my death grip mentality, but as my trainer, Deb, was giving instructions on what to do in that situation I learned an entirely new (and much better) concept. Rather than just sit there and "ride it out" or try to pull him into the scary corner with the left rein, my trainer instructed me to "make a wall" with my right leg aid. She talked about how pulling with my left rein still left him able to shy away with his body. 

"You have to calmly reassure him," Deb said. "And he has to believe you."

It made a lot of sense. Still, I was frustrated with myself. I knew that my reaction to unexpected situations had to be instinctive with Oz. 

I rode Oz again yesterday. I almost called and said I couldn't make it, but decided to give it another shot. 

Deb was teaching a lesson in the arena so I lunged Oz in the round pen by myself. The first step he took, he humped up his back like he was going to buck, but then moved off without any additional fuss. Once he'd gone both directions a few times and joined up, I walked him up to the arena to see if Deb was ready. 

She asked if I wanted to ride in the arena. 

It's a big arena.

I eyed up the scary corner.

"Sure, why not?"


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## nikelodeon79

Deb had to run back to the barn to let the mares out. As I waited, I watched two of her more advanced Dressage riders work their horses in the arena. Seeing the partnership each of them had with their horse made me remember why I wanted to get involved in Dressage in the first place, and why I was excited about Oz being trained the right way, from the ground up with no shortcuts. Earlier on in his training, Deb had told me that he was doing great with her, but she was a professional and she needed to see how he would do with mistakes. I'd told her that rather than training him to accept a bad rider, I wanted to become a good one. 

I almost got on then and there, without my trainer working out those first few tense moments for me. The only thing that stopped me was that initial reaction he had when I'd started to round pen him. 

The craziest thing about this whole journey has been how I second guess myself. I often find myself experiencing that same feeling I had when I stood there with my very first pony, trying to figure out which way to put the bridle on.

What if I'd put the saddle to far forward? What if my body language in the round pen was setting him off? 

So, I waited for Deb to get back. Since I hadn't felt up to trotting in the last ride, she gave him a longer workout before I got on. As before, the first few steps were tense, then he settled in. It was amazing to watch him in the ring with the two Dressage trained mares. His movement was just as nice as theirs, and I got to see what Deb had been telling me about him being the horse to get me good scores in the ring, if that was my goal. 

Soon, it was my turn. As I was riding, I found myself being tentative with him, just as I'd been with Turner when working on the turn on forehand. When Turner didn't listen, I gave halfhearted commands rather than firmly telling him what I wanted. 

With Oz, I was afraid if I gave too firm of a command, he'd explode.

Deb told me, "You can be prepared for something to happen, but you can't expect it. Ride him like he's a school horse."

I realized I'd been treating Oz like some sort of ticking time bomb. I had just watched Deb work with him, getting him out of his comfort zone. He hadn't panicked when he didn't quite understand a cue. Instead, he worked at figuring out what she wanted.

I took a deep breath and really started to ride. And, you know what? 

He believed me.


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## nikelodeon79

For the first time since starting to ride O.B. I wasn't nervous driving out to the barn.

Yep, I said "O.B.", not Oz. 

I've been calling him "Oz" since I decided against renaming him "Eclipse." The person I bought him for had named him Oskar Blues. I liked that name as a show name, but didn't really care for Oskar or Blue as a barn name. My trainer called him O.B. because she really disliked the name Eclipse (she said it was something a little girl would name her first horse... and I had to agree LOL) and I hadn't come up with anything better. 

After a suggestion on this forum I started calling him Oz. I really do like that name, but it just doesn't fit him.

A couple of things come to mind when I hear the name Oz. One is the Wizard of Oz and, I really have to face facts, my horse is certainly NO wizard. ;-)

And then there's Ozzy Ozborne... and he's a bit scary. I'm already somewhat afraid of my horse... I don't need a name to encourage me. 

My horse is more of a lovable goof, so O.B. fits him well. 

Anyway, I was feeling pretty good as I pulled up to the barn. O.B. was a bit spooky because one of the neighbors was using a nail gun on his roof, but nothing major. When I round penned him, he gave a few bucks but then settled in. 

It had started to get dark by the time we made our way to the arena. Tense again at the start, with a few back humps, but my trainer put him in order straight away. I brought my video camera but unfortunately there just wasn't enough light. It's really too bad... his movement was AMAZING. 

By the time it was my turn, it was nearly full dark. I started to feel those unwelcome butterflies again. I told Deb that perhaps I shouldn't ride, considering how dark it was. 

She didn't buy it. 

He took less time to relax this time once I'd gotten in the saddle. We just walked, considering the darkness, but it was another good ride. 

I'm riding him next on Friday, and then I MIGHT brave the playdate (gymkhana games, but I'd only do them at a walk/trot) on Sunday. 

Wish me luck!


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## nikelodeon79

The playdate got canceled due to weather, which I'm not altogether unhappy about. It's been reset for the end of the month, and I think Obie and I will be more ready by then. 

I rode him today. First, I got a trotting video of him with my trainer riding (currently uploading).

I got on and decided to immediately pick up my stirrup, which was a mistake. I should've just sat quiet like I normally do. Obie got tense, and I panicked slightly. I kept trying to pick up that **** stirrup, because I felt awkward and off balance. As a result, I was gripping him too tightly. He danced around a bit, and then gave a small buck.

Y'know what? I was just fine. 

I made him do a few circles and he settled in. I managed to pick up my stirrup and we moved on. 

He was a bit spooky and my trainer was purposefully doing small things (she was sitting on a barrel and she would lightly kick her legs against the barrel). He was a bit uncertain but again, no big deal.

I really got to experience how he takes his cues from his rider. If I was confident, so was he. 

He was nervous about her shadow (silly boy!) and the first time we went by, I looked at the shadow, too. He sort of danced by, not exactly ignoring my leg but not necessarily listening, either. The next time by, my trainer stressed the importance of looking up and forward, and I got him by with little fuss. Just that small act of me looking at what he was afraid of rather than where we were supposed to be going reinforced his fear. 

Did I mentioned he's a sensitive horse?

Sensitive can be a good thing, though. We just have to figure it out together.


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## nikelodeon79

Well, Obie managed to get some kind of "bug." Snotty nose, coughing, etc. 

So, he's off for at least two weeks... basically the best time of year for riding. 

Sometimes I feel like I just can't catch a break!

My trainer is letting me borrow one of the school horses so I can practice during times other than lesson times, so that will help.


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## nikelodeon79

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster ride.

After my last ride I felt fairly certain things were going to work out and I was going to keep Obie. Then he got sick, and had two weeks off. 

He ended up getting over his cold just in time for the semi annual play day at my barn. I had a training session the day before to determine whether we were ready to ride for the playday (just walk/trot). 

He was great getting tacked up and while I was lunging him. The indoor arena was quite busy, and he was unfazed by the activity. I nearly was brave enough to get on without my trainer trying him first, but the fact that he's so tall stopped me. I would have to go in the corner to use the mounting block and wasn't sure how he'd be. 

My trainer arrived around the same time as a couple more horses. One of the horses shares a pasture with Obie and is one of his buddies. My trainer told everyone they were welcome to ride in the outdoor (everyone thought she didn't want it ridden in because there were a few wet spots). Four horses ended up leaving, including Obie's buddy. 

He started getting a bit antsy as his buddy left. When my trainer went to get on, he danced and bucked a bit. She worked him from the ground until he would stand quiet for mounting.

After that, things were still rocky. As usual, he was tense for the first few steps, and threatened to buck a few other times in the beginning of the ride. By the time he'd quieted down, I had nearly reached a decision.

He's too much horse for me. My only choice is to sell him.

That realization, along with the fear of getting on him after seeing how he'd acted, made me have a bit of a "mini meltdown." My trainer wanted me to get on but when she saw how afraid/upset I was, she didn't force the issue. 

I feel like such a failure for not getting on. 

My trainer recommended listing him for sale but continuing to work with him. It will take awhile to sell him, because despite the fact that he's got awesome movement, flashy color, a willingness to work and a sweet demeanor, it's going to take just the right person to be able to deal with the tenseness on mounting.

It's unbelievable that 5-10 minutes of attitude is essentially keeping me from my dream horse. 

If he doesn't sell, maybe we get past the tenseness with mounting and the first few steps. Maybe I get to keep him, after all.

Until then, an apprentice trainer at my barn will be riding him. And maybe... just maybe... someday I'll get the nerve to get back on.


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## tinyliny

your journal is amazing. you write so well, and I just read from one page to the next, wondering what would happen next.

I know exactly how it feels to be an adult returning rider. I returned at 41, with 25 years of no riding. Fear is my constant companion.

But anyway, can you explain what sort of training was done to get him ready to be backed? it almost seems as if he was backed (saddled with a rider aboard) too soon, without having him really ok with a saddle on his back. I mean him being worried about you picking up a stirrup and such. When I watched a friend's horse go through the backing process, her trainer spent a LOT of time getting the hrose be totally ok with the saddle, whether it flopped around, or slipped or whatever, before anyone actually put their butt in it. However, this horse was a very unflappable horse, so might not be a realistic comparison.

I hope that you won't blame yourself if you find that selling OB is what you feel is best. there is no shame in that, at all.


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## Cacowgirl

I've had a bad mounting accident so understand your fear. It is so hard to overcome that fear when we are older & have responsibilities. Your horse sounds amazing-have you thought about riding in a Western saddle for awhile? It might give you more confidence. Or even an Aussie.


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## nikelodeon79

tinyliny said:


> your journal is amazing. you write so well, and I just read from one page to the next, wondering what would happen next.


Awww, thanks! 



> I know exactly how it feels to be an adult returning rider. I returned at 41, with 25 years of no riding. Fear is my constant companion.


Wow! It's definitely nice to know I'm not alone!



> But anyway, can you explain what sort of training was done to get him ready to be backed? it almost seems as if he was backed (saddled with a rider aboard) too soon, without having him really ok with a saddle on his back. I mean him being worried about you picking up a stirrup and such. When I watched a friend's horse go through the backing process, her trainer spent a LOT of time getting the hrose be totally ok with the saddle, whether it flopped around, or slipped or whatever, before anyone actually put their butt in it. However, this horse was a very unflappable horse, so might not be a realistic comparison.


Well, we're thing that he was backed without a lot of preparation before we got him. My trainer thinks something happened and it's basically "muscle memory" telling him something bad's going to happen, and then when it doesn't he relaxes.

Once I got him, the first time we saddled him he rodeo bucked 2 full laps around the round pen. We then decided to start from the ground up. We did a lot of lunging (first in a cavesson, and then in the bridle) with the saddle on. We did a lot of ground driving. We did a lot of stirrup flipping up and down, weight in the stirrups, weight across his back, up, down, up, down, up, down. The first time my trainer got on, it was anti-climactic. He was tense, but didn't buck. It was like that a few times. The first time he did buck with a rider I wasn't there. My trainer said one rein came unclipped and she was able to stop him with a one rein stop. He was progressing nicely, with only a bit of tenseness on mounting/the first few strides, when he cut his hock on the fence and needed some time off. Once he healed he went back into training and Deb was feeling like he was making some nice progress (instead of one step forward, two steps back). There were some very cold spells where she didn't ride and it was no big deal when she put him back to work, which is why she felt he was ready for me. 

Then he cut his hock again and required a couple months off. When he went back to work this time he was still doing overall well, but then the bucking episode happened the first time I rode him (thankfully with the trainer, not me). Since then it's been hit or miss, but he's always tense at the start... feels like a coiled spring. Even me, as a novice, can feel it and can also feel the dramatic difference when he relaxes.

He's never been bad for the actual mounting... has no problem with people putting weight in the stirrups and getting on, it's after the butt gets in the saddle that he gets tense. That's why this last episode was so strange... he's never shied off when anyone tries to mount. Now he's done it twice. 



> I hope that you won't blame yourself if you find that selling OB is what you feel is best. there is no shame in that, at all.


Thanks.



Cacowgirl said:


> I've had a bad mounting accident so understand your fear. It is so hard to overcome that fear when we are older & have responsibilities. Your horse sounds amazing-have you thought about riding in a Western saddle for awhile? It might give you more confidence. Or even an Aussie.


We actually are riding him a western at the moment. When I'm on the school horses, I've "graduated" to an English saddle, so definitely understand why my trainer thinks I need the security of a western when I ride Obie! :shock:

I guess what I'm looking at now is whether there could be some sort of physical reason for his issues. Someone mentioned kissing spines but he doesn't show any other signs, and once we get past the initial tenseness he's fabulous. I am going to call the vet to ask about pricing for an x-ray, though. Praying it's not that... not sure I can afford surgery, etc. 

Also looking into saddle fit. My trainer does not think it is the saddle. The saddle may have been a touch wide at first but now it fits even better than it did before. 

So I guess we'll see. I'll keep this thread updated (especially now that I know people are reading it, LOL!). I actually found myself dreading updating because things were left on a positive note (despite the illness) the last time. 

I have one more update to post but I'll start in a new post so this one doesn't get too long. 

Thanks for the input!


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## nikelodeon79

This past Sunday was the playday at my barn. There have been two other playdays since I've boarded there, but I missed them both due to other commitments. Nothing was going to keep me away from this one.

After Obie's behavior the day before, I'd pretty much ruled out riding him in the games and didn't think anyone else would, either. My trainer talked to me about Helen, the apprentice trainer, riding him in the afternoon. I told her that was perfectly fine to me, but I was just concerned because I didn't want Helen to get hurt. 

I ended up helping out with the games (timing, writing down scores, setting up barrels/poles, etc.) and had a blast. I used to organize a 4-H fun show, so my trainer (she's also the BO) was happy to have my assistance. 

We had a good mix of riders, despite the cool weather. Most were in the walk/trot category so we ended up splitting that one into two groups and combining novice/open into a third group. 

We were in the middle of one of the events when I happened to notice a girl coming up the road to the arena riding her horse bareback. I thought it was odd, since Deb is all about safety and I've never seen anyone ride up to the arena before, so I always thought it was prohibited. We always walk our horses up and get on when we get there, as there's a large stock gate that you have to go through before getting in to the area where the arena is. 

Since it was an odd occurrence I was watching her out of the corner of my eye (I wasn't timing at the time, just taking down the scores). She arrived at the stock gate and my jaw dropped as I watched her lean over to try and un-chain the gate while still mounted. I remember thinking, "this is NOT going to end well!"

Before I could say anything, her mare gave a giant spook.. I actually think she hit the hot wire on the fence, and riders that were closer to where the incident happened told me they thought the same. She went flying off her horse and landed in the middle of the hard packed gravel. She kept hold of her reins for a few moments and actually got drug across the width of the road until she let go and the mare went galloping back to the barn. 

Luckily, one of the dads watching the event was a firefighter and he went to check her out. After examining her, he determined most of the problem was in her tailbone and her ribs. He felt her spine was not affected so it was safe to move her. They brought a minivan up and loaded her up to take to the hospital. Luckily, she was wearing a helmet.


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## frlsgirl

I'm right there with you - I quit riding for nearly 20 years and have been back at it for 18 months. My parents never bought me a horse but sent me to riding school for 6 years. Would you believe 20 years later, I remembered how to post the trot correctly? Those lessons DID pay off. I'm not the daredevil I used to be though. Now it's all about being careful and accurate. Back then it was about who could go the fastest without falling off


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## nikelodeon79

The games continued without further incident and it was soon time to break for lunch (chili: yum!!!). By that time, Helen had arrived from work so after lunch we went to get Obie. Some of the horses were getting ready for the costume contest. The two in Obie's barn were dressed up like giant sheep, with white sheets with cotton balls draped over them. I thought it was super cute.

Obie did NOT. 

He looked at them wide eyed as we walked through the barn and once we got past one, he decided he'd had enough and bolted forward. I figured it was no big deal and just gave him a bit of lead rope to work with... then I saw the small child directly ahead of us. 

I planted my feet and cranked on the rope to stop/turn him. Thankfully he listened and the only one worse for wear was me: with a sprained/bruised pinkie finger from the lead rope. 

Whew!

Obie is Helen's first big training project, other than her own horse, so I think the fact that Obie got unnerved by the sheep made her a bit nervous herself. Still, we made jokes about giant sheep while we led a still wide-eyed Obie to the groom area to tack up. 

He was good, if still a bit nervous, for tacking up and we walked to the indoor arena, deciding to remain hidden from the horses in sheep's clothing until their costumes were removed. 

Helen lunged Obie, walk-trot-canter in both directions. When it was time to mount, I grabbed the mounting stool and said a little prayer.

I think Helen did, too. 

She mounted and he tensed up, but after a few seconds she moved him out and he relaxed. It was the best I've seen him do in awhile. She worked him for awhile at the walk and trot. Her first words as she trotted him were, "His trot is HUGE!!!" 

Both Helen and Deb love riding my horse. I sure wish I did!!

I was watching out the door for the costume contest to be over and after a small incident where someone got kicked while removing a sheep sheet (horse was getting shocked by static electricity -- dear God how does Deb deal with the stress of playdates?!?), it was time for us to go to the outdoor for the rest of the games. 

The first one was pole bending. We weren't sure how Obie would react to the poles and flapping ribbons so Helen led him around the arena for awhile before she mounted. She walked him through the course and he did beautifully... just one solid spook at the far end. 

Spooking I can deal with... especially Obie's style of spooking. It's quite comical.. just like a cartoon horse.










He sort of just splays his legs and just plants and stairs. I'd MUCH rather have that then a runaway or a horse that bucks or rears when they spook.

After a few more riders went, Helen decided she could try trotting him through and ended up taking fifth place.  

He also did great at the keyhole (no place). She walked him through the pennant race because we weren't sure how he'd handle the flags. 

Bobbing for apples was last. Since it was so cold, we did not use water but had a deep tote with apples in it. Riders were to ride down, dismount and get their apple with their teeth, and then somehow make it disappear before they crossed the timeline. Most of the competitors decided feeding it to their horses was the best plan... but the horses didn't realize it was a race and certainly took their time chewing, when they bothered to eat the apple at all. Most riders were confronted with a slobbery, dropped in the dirt apple trying to figure out what to do with it so they could cross the finish line.

One girl actually took a bite of hers after it became clear her horse wasn't going to finish it. Now THAT'S dedication!

Soon the competitors figured out they could utilize the horse standing out in the pasture observing to eat their apples for them. I think bobbing for apples is now Turner's favorite game. 

By this time, Helen had been dismounted for quite some time so she led Obie back in the arena to mount when it was her turn. He shied away from mounting so had to be worked from the ground for a bit, but then when she did get on he softened almost right away. Obie is a champion apple eater, so they ended up getting third. 

All in all, it was a great day, but left me in confusion once again. I'd all but decided to sell him the day before, but now I'm not sure. 

Should I sell him, or not?


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## nikelodeon79

frlsgirl said:


> I'm right there with you - I quit riding for nearly 20 years and have been back at it for 18 months.  My parents never bought me a horse but sent me to riding school for 6 years. Would you believe 20 years later, I remembered how to post the trot correctly? Those lessons DID pay off. I'm not the daredevil I used to be though. Now it's all about being careful and accurate. Back then it was about who could go the fastest without falling off


Me learning to post the trot was pretty funny (well, for everyone but me!). I'd only ever ridden western and could NOT figure it out. My trainer ended up using a rather lewd comparison and it was even MORE embarrassing when I ended up figuring it out after that!


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## jaydee

I think getting more nervous of falling of as you get older can happen to most any rider - you know its going to hurt more, you know you are more likely to break. I look at some of the older competition riders myself and wonder how on earth they keep going at it
I had a lovely mare here a few years back that had been trained in WP but she soon picked up my English riding style, I loved her to bits but every now and again she would have a really odd turn and rear, buck. run sideways or backwards into the fence, nearly went right down with me a few times - as my DH put it - 'nobody at home' moments because she didn't seem to listen to anything I did to try to ride her out of it and that made it worse. I didn't even have a fall off her but every time I got on I was expecting something bad to happen and I wasn't enjoying riding her. In the end I decided to send her back to the dealer I had her from and exchanged for another horse - who was also far from perfect but at least I could ride her through her problems and the things she did I saw more as a challenge than as scary moments.
I think maybe its time for you to sit down and make a decision and then live with it.
I would ask myself the question - "Am I enjoying doing this?" and go from there


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## Zexious

Sounds like you had a great day, even with the sheep in mind! I'm a little jealous of the party, myself. 

Have you started the process of selling him? Or no?


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## nikelodeon79

I've told people at the barn my asking price and that he's for sale, but haven't officially listed him. We are going to get some videos soon and work on an ad.

The person who sold him to me has right of first refusal but I doubt she wants him at the price I'm asking. I'll offer, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## david in md

I've really enjoyed following your story. I'm sort of a rerider myself having had a Shetland pony as a child and now in my mid 40's with horses again with my 9 year old daughter. I never did much with the Shetland as at that age I prefered a dirt bike. My daughter has been in lessons 4-5 years now and I'm sure I've learned as much as she has. I look forward to the weekly lessons as much as she does as the instructor allows me to bring one of my horses and ride along with the kids but out of the way. We have 4 horses and I enjoy riding each of them. Neither is perfect but they are all good. Being novices I was careful in selecting well broke middle aged horses. My hope was if we didn't know what we were doing maybe the horse would. While I commend you on facing your fears it sounds like you have more horse than you can handle at this point in your life. Maybe you should sell Obie and buy a more suitable horse so that riding is fun for you again. I hate to say it but my back isn't as good as it once was so I ride gaited horses.


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## jaydee

nikelodeon79 said:


> I've told people at the barn my asking price and that he's for sale, but haven't officially listed him. We are going to get some videos soon and work on an ad.
> 
> The person who sold him to me has right of first refusal but I doubt she wants him at the price I'm asking. I'll offer, though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 The worst part is all the thinking about it - I cried when my 'mistake horse' went, I'm such a fool and she was quite a stand-offish thing when she came to us but had really learnt to want to be around me so it made it feel worse but once she'd gone it was almost like a feeling of relief that I didn't have to get on her again.
Good luck with working through this


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## kbg7506

I love reading your posts. As previously stated, you are a great writer! And I feel like I can really relate to what you're going through even tho my story is a bit different. But I know very well the fear you've described and how hard it is to get over. It sounds like you are doing a great job! Good luck with your decision!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zexious

Well, at least you've still got time to make a decision, then.


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## Northern

Sorry if you've said, but have you done other groundwork besides longe him? Groundwork comes first, imo. You learn to be the leader, to move the horse's different body parts, & to partner up with horse, which transfers to saddle time.

I must add that I think your trainer's been too "stiff upper lip, fake it till you make it" with you & your fear: fake it till you make it doesn't work with horses, since they're masters at reading emotion & intent. Guess you know that, because after mounting up all those times that you didn't want to, you're now wanting to sell him. Better if you'd developed a conversation with him via groundwork, which'd've upped your confidence for riding.

Before you sell him, I'd get some groundwork instruction, like Parelli 7 Games, & learn those with him. Best of luck, & I think that poor OB has done really well, being so green & having to deal with a green owner, & ridiculous visions like sheep costumes!


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## nikelodeon79

My trainer has done a lot of ground work with him but I have not. Honestly I think we're just starting to form a bond.

I think you're right... I need to go out to the barn and do things with him other than ride.

And as far as my trainer is concerned, I think you're right and I she realizes it, now. I don't know that she knew just how terrified I am... But now that I had my little breakdown she it's telling me to wait to ride him until she and Helen have ridden him more. I can continue riding the school horses and build confidence that way. It makes me feel good that she thinks I can handle him but now she also says that's have to WANT to handle it, as well. 

It's so easy for me to sit here all comfortable in my house and want to get on but actually being there, watching him act up and getting up on that mounting block is a whole different story.

I talked to my vet tonight about Obie and he recommended getting the chiropractor out and also doing a blood test for Lyme. He said he saw a couple horses with similar issues that ended up testing positive. It's worth a shot, anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Northern

Yes, there's the first fear threshold, which you learn to tolerate till the fear lessens, thus the threshold is pushed farther out, then there's the second threshold, which you don't want to hit, which is intolerable to you. 

Just now watching Parelli with Linda saying, "There'll come a time when you'll have enough savvy that you'll get BORED when your horse goes like clockwork: you'll LOOK for horses who have issues/holes in their training." 

I"d love to see you get to that point & enjoy educating & BEING taught by OB! I hope it works out, since there's always the possibility of a horse falling through the cracks when he's sold.


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## thetempest89

I'm a re-rider as well. I rode for 4 years then have basically had 8 years off and I'm taking lessons. And holy ****, THE FEAR! On the ground and dismounting. The horse I ride now is scary. She basically doesn't like people, but she's usually semi happy to see me, she'll whinny when she sees me and comes to the gate. She's easy to catch, however she will not stand nicely through grooming. Or saddling. I usually let her graze while I groom. Then once she's done, she gets tied, I have to make sure she knows she has reins around her neck or she'll take off. Once she's bridled THEN I can Saddle her. Gotta keep the rein on her opposite taught so she can't bite. And watch her back leg. 

But I love her <3 She's a dream to ride, great teacher. Never spooks. Even as safe as Abby is I'm still scared of dismounting. I prob hang their for a few extra seconds everytime to make sure she isn't going to do something. I'm riding another horse too, he's a love bug, but dismounting still scares me. But YET, give me a bucking rearing horse while I'm in the saddle and I'm okay. 

I think it's because you know it's dangerous and the possibilities with horses is always their!

He's a pretty boy! Least he's teaching you lots!


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## nikelodeon79

Been thinking a lot about doing more actual groundwork with him but am not entirely sure where to begin.

I should mention that I have an irrational dislike for all things Parelli. It really isn't fair... I know so very little about the actual nuts and bolts of the training style and am likely judging it based on greenhorns that have somehow mucked it up. All I know is that I see someone wiggle a lead rope and I want to roll my eyes. 

So... please help me to get over my prejudice and/or suggest alternatives.


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## nikelodeon79

I listed Obie for sale today.

Part of me feels relieved, but the other part wants to curl into a ball and cry.

Still, I think it's the right thing to do, and my trainer agrees. So now I guess we'll see. We'll leave it in the hands of God... if he sells I look for something new but if he doesn't, his training continues and I try to get over this big mental block. 

I had another great lesson on Sunday on Tuck, a sweet Haflinger gelding. He's a bit on the lazy side so it's an extra challenge (and a bit of a workout!) to keep him going. My trainer feels I'm ready to move beyond the beginner groups so that's exciting. This weekend she's out of town at a clinic but said I can ride one of the school horses if I want to ride this weekend. 

Next week it's on to novice classes.


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## Golden Horse

I've loved reading through this thread and can so feel for you in this journey, sounds like me writing, from the untutored fearless madness of youth, to the new student, with new fears as an adult.

I too bought a big handsome green as grass dressage prospect, only to find I was way over my head. I kept thinking about selling him, but stubbornly kept him, and then the accident happened. It wasn't good, and it really brought home that he was NOT the horse I should of had.

He left last Saturday, I cried, he was a good horse, just not for me. I now have a good old stock horse, purchase the day before the accident, who is my future mount. I am just about there physically, but mentally I'm still working on it.


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## jaydee

Its sad but in the long run selling him is likely to be the best thing for you both
There's no need to give up on your dream of owning a horse - next time you will be wiser from this experience and find something that's a better fit for you and you can enjoy riding
Good luck


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## nikelodeon79

My trainer and a friend of mine (who I just helped find a horse) are going to screen any future purchases. I will definitely be buying a more suitable mount.. but I'll try to go into it with eyes wide open this time. My trainer says "think with your head, not your heart."


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## Golden Horse

My Gibbs, link to his story in signature line, was the first horse that someone else chose for me, he was hand picked by my trainer, she is far better at choosing than I am.


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## Zexious

I went through something similar when I purchased an eight month old filly as a sixteen year old.

I felt like a failure for selling her, but it was the best decision I have ever made--for both of us. 

I know everything will work out for you, and it sounds like you made the right choice. <3


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## nikelodeon79

He did awesome tonight. The mounting was almost a non-issue... just a few bending exercises post-mounting and he did fine. The thing is, I KNOW I can handle it... I just have this awful mental block I can't seem to get past. 

Here's the great news: the girl who's riding him for me wants to buy him. Right now we're not sure it's feasible, as she's getting ready to go to equine college and she doesn't know whether she'd be able to take two horses. She also would have to sell one of her current horses. I'm actually riding the one she would sell: Tuck. If he was a hand taller and five years younger I'd buy him. 

I've had some outside interest in him, as well. Two were not good matches: one wants a gamer and the other wants a calm trail horse. The third is a dressage trainer so that sounds like it would be a good fit. 

Too bad I'm still not 100% sure selling him is the right thing to do.


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## nikelodeon79

Here's a video from today. My YouTube channel has several more:


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## jaydee

He looks really calm and relaxed on that video - and a very nice ride
How small is the horse Tuck that you've been riding - I mean would he not be a good fit for you as a schoolmaster until you felt more confident in yourself again?
I would be quite happy on a 14.2 myself - easier to get on these days!!!


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## nikelodeon79

Tuck is a Haflinger and is 13.3. His girth does take up a lot of my leg, but the bigger issue is his age. He's also 19, and I really want something under 14.

Obie is a quiet ride, after the first 5 minutes. In fact, those first five minutes seem to be getting a lot better, too. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

13.3 is a bit too small really - they can carry you OK but not what you want unless you live in the UK and show native ponies!!!
Is Obie ridden straight from being in the stable for a long time or is he turned out and brought in to ride?


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## nikelodeon79

He is turned out. He is only stalled in bad weather.

We also longe him first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

That was going to be my next suggestion as I've had a few young horses that benefited for a short session on the lunge before riding - seems to focus them
It could just be that he feels you a bit tense when you first go to get on and then the same in the saddle and it has a negative effect on him
My old Flo was very 'buzzy' when you first got on for the first 10 years of her life but I knew she would never do anything I couldn't handle and so it never bothered me
You might find as you get more self confidence in Obie none of his antics will bother you and they will slowly fade away


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## nikelodeon79

Yeah, I thought of that, too, except he does the same thing for my trainer. It's really NOT a big deal... no "real" bucks, just humps his back and gets over it quickly. It's just this strange mental block... It's like psych myself out.


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## jaydee

The humpy back bucks can sometimes be related to a dislike of the feeling of the girth putting pressure on them - usually gets better when they're ridden regularly and they get used to it. Willow is a real PITA when she has any time off. Looby used to get a bit like it especially in canter but that all stopped when I bought a sheepskin lined girth


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## nikelodeon79

He's getting massaged tomorrow so we'll see if that helps any. The girth idea is interesting. Right now he's being ridden in a western saddle and an airflex cinch. Once Helen gets more confident on him, she'll ride him in her dressage saddle (she tried it on him and it fits) so we will see if that makes any difference.

He actually was pretty good at the canter before the time off for the cut. My trainer hasn't cantered since then because the focus was getting me on him.

I haven't gotten any inquiries on him since I listed him on Craigslist and equine.com. Got a few bites on Facebook, but mostly purple looking for a gamer or a quiet trail horse. He could do well on the trails but we haven't taken him out yet. I don't see him as a gamer at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I'm still not totally convinced it isn't the saddle. It appears to fit and my trainer thinks it fits, but it has a tendency to ride up (he's got a big shoulder). We always have to loosen the cinch and slide it back after lunging. None of the other Westerns seem to fit him any better, though, and I don't have the confidence to ride him English (heck I'm not even riding him western at this point).

I'll try to get some pics of the saddle on him without a pad tomorrow. If I end up keeping him I'm going to get a saddle fitter out before I buy an English/dressage saddle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tinyliny

you'd be better off in an English saddle that fit, and thus didn't encourage him humping/bucking, than a Western that doesn't fit, and may likely be the reason he does that.


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## jaydee

It could well be a saddle thing
Honestly horses are so weird and some are just super sensitive to the slightest pinch.
Looby has a sheepskin numnah (UK name for a saddle shaped pad) and the sheepskin lined girth. Anything else and she is so edgy and tense that the smallest thing would set her off into an explosion. I tried her in a thick square saddle pad and she hated the feel of that on her back and was all humped up before I even got her out of the stable
We put a synthetic sheepskin pad on Jazzie when we first got her, she totally freaked out and I did an emergency dismount yet I'd used the same pad on other horses with no trouble at all


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## nikelodeon79

Well, Obie was most definitely sore in the back when he was massaged today. Mostly in the ribs and shoulders. You could see the "aaaaahh" relaxing moment when the kinks got worked out. At the end of the massage, he wasn't flinching at all.

I had the massage guy look at my saddle fit and he thinks it's pinching/not allowing enough room for the shoulders. Obie has a really big shoulder! I totally forgot to get saddle pics to post, though. 

My trainer really doesn't want me to ride him in an English yet (and I agree... I'm nervous enough as it is!) and when I DO buy an English saddle, I want to do it right and get a fitter out. On the other hand, I don't want to spend the money on a custom saddle for a horse I have up for sale. My plan is to look for a Western saddle that fits him better. I'm considering trying a gaited saddle since those tend to have more room for the shoulder. 

Thoughts?


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## jaydee

I have two very wide cobs and have no problems finding saddles for them - but I did buy them in the UK - the land of big wide cobs!!!
I would suggest buying from a UK company that sells over here through someone
If you have good balance and buy a good English saddle then no reason to feel unsafe at all - work on doing some riding on that pony with your arms folded or outstretched


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## nikelodeon79

The problem I have is that I have weak ankles. I'm working at strengthening them, but right now at the rising trot I tend to accidentally bump the horse with my leg. The western gives my ankles enough support that I don't do it, but I'm still working on it in the English. If I bump Obie he will react to the "cue" I'm giving. 

I don't mind buying a western now (preferably under $1000) and a dressage saddle in a six months or so. I will probably keep the western for trail rides, etc. I just don't want a super expensive custom western. 

I contacted Cultured Cowboy about pricing for a semi custom saddle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

Oh and Obie's trot is so big I'm not able to sit the trot without bouncing about like a sack of potatoes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

Had a great lesson today! My trainer said my position is getting much more secure and she feels I'd do fine on Obie, regardless of whether he's in an English or western saddle. 

Obie also had a great ride today (not me riding). No back humping and cantered for the first time under saddle since spring. He did great to the left, but needs a bit of work on the right lead. 

I'm going to a tack swap tomorrow and bringing along three westerns to try to sell. I am going to get a quick whither tracing of Obie in the morning to take along. For now, we've been using a Big Horn that seems to fit him fairly well. 

One of the girls at my barn has a nice all purpose saddle for sale. The plus side would be that I could have a trial period to make sure it fits me and Obie, but I really was hoping to buy a dressage saddle... but it's nice to have options.


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## jaydee

Great news
I thought you looked pretty good in that video - maybe you are too self critical!!!
Is the dressage saddle idea because you intend to do dressage on him eventually?


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## nikelodeon79

I'm not riding him in the video.  And yes, I do plan on doing dressage eventually. 

I tried the all purpose saddle on him and it's a bit tight in the shoulders. I may end up getting a custom saddle if I keep him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

Well, so much for selling. 

I just ordered a dressage saddle, Back on Track pad & hock boots. 

I plan on riding him sometime this week. 

Wish me luck!


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## jaydee

I am going to wish you all the luck in the world - I so hope you can make this work, he's a lovely horse
I'll be interested to hear how you get on with the dressage saddle


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## nikelodeon79

I swear the universe is conspiring against me. I was all geared up to try riding Obie again this week... massive snow storm.  Then we're supposed to get a cold snap. Ugh. 

Stay tuned... SOMEDAY I'll ride my horse. On the bright side, maybe my saddle, etc. will be in by the time the weather cooperates.


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## jaydee

I'm struggling with finding motivation to ride in the cold weather!!!


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## Golden Horse

I struggle with motivation as well, but then snow can give you a soft landing!


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## jaydee

That and the layers and layers of clothes - I have a jacket that makes me look like a Michelin Man!!


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## nikelodeon79

So... the saddle I bought is a Wintec Pro Dressage with Contourbloc.

After reading reviews, etc. on the net I think I made a mistake. With his big shoulder and the way the Wintec gullet plates are formed, I worry it will cause pressure points. 

Thinking of just selling the Wintec and getting a used Kieffer the saddle fitter can adjust. 

Thoughts?


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## jaydee

Can you just return the saddle and get a refund?
I'm not a fan of Wintec saddles - I know some people love them and they fit their horses really well but they do get a lot of negative reviews. I bought a GP one ages ago when we first got Honey for my son because he was growing fast and she was young too - it seemed like a cheap option for short term use but it never fitted her well, was only used a few times and I sold it in almost new condition for a big loss
If you can get a good second hand leather saddle and have it re-flocked to fit your horse I think you will do a lot better


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## nikelodeon79

I bought it secondhand. The thing is, I technically can afford a low end custom saddle ($1500 or so) and the fitter my barn uses will take it back on trade if need be. I'm thinking of selling the Wintec, seeing how the next ride goes, and ordering a custom saddle if I feel like I can get over this irrational fear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

I don't think your fear is irrational - you had a few bad experiences that have knocked your confidence so its understandable that you now feel anxious
See how you get on with the change of saddle and go from there
Try to get on the horse with the attitude that you can deal with whatever he does and stay relaxed


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## pineapplepastures

How about an update????!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

Obie either wants to be retired to pasture or he really wants me to keep him.

He hurt his hock AGAIN. 

This time he and two other horses escaped when a round bale was being put in the pasture and went crashing through the snowbanks left after a 40" snowfall.

Started out with swelling and slight lameness. Eventually split open (infection? Just THAT swelled?). Swelling is down and he's not limping but there seems to be some stiffness and the wound is still open.

Training is on hold yet again.

So, now I'm trying to find a vet with portable ultrasound equipment that is willing to come check him out. 

My Back on Track stuff came so we've started with those. We put the saddle pad on him and both hock boots on the same leg so we covered the front and back of the hock.

Those suckers work!

I could tell when they started "activating," because he tensed up and had this "Holy crap what's happening?!" look on his face.

He's such a worry wart.

Meanwhile, this year's Christmas card included his picture, so I guess he's staying put...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I had a riding lesson Saturday. I'd had about a month off due to the cold and craziness of the holiday season.

Boy, does my body hate me for that today! (Are English riders supposed to walk like cowboys? Cause I was walking like a cowboy all day today).

Anyway, I don't remember if I've mentioned that I'm afraid to canter. We've done a bit of canter work in earlier lessons, and I used to canter all the time in my pre-rerider days. but I'd never cantered in an English saddle.

I rode General, and I think I'm beginning to fall in love with him. He's safe enough that I (mostly) don't fear death while in the saddle, yet spunky enough to be a really fun ride. 

We did a lot of trotting work and "let's learn how to not crash into one another because I accidentally over booked the lesson" work. I actually like big classes because it forces me to rely on instinct rather than overthinking things like I usually do.

She split us into two groups for canter work. By this time, my poor weak ankle was protesting strongly. It started giving out, resulting in me accidentally bumping General, who would speed up his trot or try to break into a canter. 

About the tenth time I checked him back I could tell exactly what he was thinking:

"Make up your mind, woman! Speed up or slow down?! Which is it? She SAID we're going to canter, so let's GO!"

So, we went around the arena, me having completely lost any sense of rhythm and General getting increasingly ticked off and confused.

I decided to pull up.

The reason I gave was pain (TMI moment: I had an ovarian cyst that burst last week, so riding wasn't terribly comfortable). In truth, though, I could've handled the pain.

I was afraid.

Deb said I could join the second group if I wanted but when they took the rail, I stayed in the middle, feeling defeated and cowardly.

Guess what happened in the second group? One of the other riders got off balance, panicked and when the horse stretched out her neck and coughed, the rider got pulled right out of the saddle. She ended up being ok, but sprained her ankle.

Once things had calmed down, the first group was up again.

And guess what?

I went out on the rail.

I CANTERED.

In an ENGLISH SADDLE.

And I DIDN'T DIE!

In fact, I didn't even feel near death. I felt completely balanced and in control.

It makes me think that there might still be hope.

Maybe when Obie is healed up, I'll be ready for him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

You had a break-through moment! Good for you! Have a Merry Christmas!


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## nikelodeon79

I feel like I'm at a crossroads.

The Back on Track boots seem to be doing the trick and hopefully *knocks on wood* Obie will be back in training soon. 

I haven't ridden since before Christmas. I was out of town the weekend after Christmas and we're now in a cold snap that makes riding dangerous for man and beast (-30*F). 

Not riding gives me a lot of time to think, to dream... and to worry. 

I feel like I have a connection with General and have discussed buying him from my trainer. She doesn't really want to sell him but she would as long as she can continue using him for lessons (I would get a break on board). 










I talked with hubby and we are thinking of buying him and keeping Obie as well. General would be my "confidence builder," and then once I'm ready for Obie, General would become my husband's horse. 

Another option would be to lease, and that's what my trainer is recommending. I could avoid the purchase price, and still get the benefit of riding him whenever I want. The price per month would actually be a bit higher ($185 for leasing, $100 for 1/2 pasture board), but I wouldn't have farrier or vet bills. 

The thing is... since the idea of buying General AND keeping Obie occurred to me, I can't stop thinking about it. Heck I'm even looking for tack for him!

I hate decisions.


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## jaydee

It sounds like a great idea - but please be sure that you are going to feel OK with other people riding him once he becomes your very own horse because I've seen those sort of arrangements end badly


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## nikelodeon79

Obie and I are back in training. 

He was ridden in a dressage saddle for the first time today and did well. Gave a tiny crowhop but since he's been out of training for over a month we expected him to be a bit fresh.

I rode General in a lesson. It was my second time cantering in an English saddle.

I almost fell off.

I just got out of position and forgot what to do, but I remembered and recovered after a few seconds. It was a good feeling.

We did a lot of two point work today. Gonna be sore tomorrow!


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## ChristineNJ

Wow, you sound like me. I also bought a horse that was too much for me. He also took off on me when I first got on him....gave a buck & galloped around the outdoor ring. Boy, did that scare me....I'm also a re-rider & being older it was scared after that & wanted to return him. Well, they didn't have a horse tall enough for me...I'm 6' so I brought him back to board at where I bought him to get him some training....you sound like me....I was very scared!! Thought he would run away with me....wanted to sell him, didn't want to sell him. Had him sold & changed my mind....wanted to keep him....then he started spooking a little...got scared again. He was a nice horse too!! Very friendly, & lots of personality! But he was very sensitive & too much horse for me.....then the weather changed & he got frisky....got scared again so I called the buyer back & her daughter still wanted him...she has a Dressage trainer & he will get more training than I could afford. Also, I was having the assistant trainer ride him also. So I was paying people to ride him & I wasn't even riding him. So I had him for a year & it was quite an experience!! Now I'm looking for a School Master horse that has "been there, done that"! Good luck with your horse...I'm sure you will make the right decision for yourself. It is very hard to make that decision. Loved reading your posts...glad that someone else feels the same way!!


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## nikelodeon79

I was supposed to have a lesson yesterday, but when I arrived at the barn I found out the lesson had been cancelled due to cold. My trainer told me I could ride her horse if I wanted, since I'd driven all the way out there. 

Riding General just for fun made me think of how awesome it would be to be able to drive out to the barn any time I wanted and ride a horse... MY horse. 

So, the questions remain: buy General and keep Obie? Buy General and try to sell Obie? Suck it up and get up the nerve to ride Obie? Lease General?

Did I mention that I hate decisions?


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## jaydee

I think that a horse should be for your pleasure and if you're having to overcome fear then that doesn't sound like pleasure - it sounds like stress and anxiety
I know we've talked this round in circles but if you get pleasure out of riding General then buy him - whether or not you keep Obie is down to finances though if you can find the right home for him I would let him go myself - for what you save in boarding costs if the do want a more challenging horse somewhere along the line you can go out and buy one


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## nikelodeon79

I have Obie listed for sale but had no serious inquiries. Now with his injury... I just don't know if I'll be able to sell him.  The only inquiries I had on him were people looking for a barrel horse, which he is not (and, to be honest, I'm just not fond of the barrel racing discipline as a whole and don't want him going to a home where that is the primary goal). 

I can't really afford to board two horses while Obie continues in training (I'm paying around $380 per month for training, plus $285 for board). Another option I have is to bring Obie to my parents' and put him out to pasture, which seems like a shame.  

After hubby and I figure out how much income taxes are going to set us back, we plan to make a decision.


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## jaydee

Is he still lame from that injury? If he is turning him out for a while might be a good idea - and you might then sell him better in the summer


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## Golden Horse

jaydee said:


> I think that a horse should be for your pleasure and if you're having to overcome fear then that doesn't sound like pleasure - it sounds like stress and anxiety
> I know we've talked this round in circles but if you get pleasure out of riding General then buy him - whether or not you keep Obie is down to finances though if you can find the right home for him I would let him go myself - for what you save in boarding costs if the do want a more challenging horse somewhere along the line you can go out and buy one



I so agree, I wish that I had sold Ben before I got hurt, because it just wasn't fun anymore. I should have taken notice when my trainer watched me ride my little fast, looky Arab, and said "You have a great big smile on your face, I don't see that when you ride Ben" 

I have had to reconsider my horsey future now, not only did the big guy go, but I am also selling the filly that I bred, that was everything that I wanted, whose Sire and Dam I love, who was to be my last horse. Why am I selling her? Because I really don't enjoy the challenge that she gives me, nothing wrong with her, she is going to be everything that I want, I just no longer enjoy the hassle.

My herd now will be 3 gorgeous Arab mares, one who is retired, and her two daughters who I may or may not ride in the future, but I just enjoy having them around, and Gibbs who will be my go to horse. 

Riding should be fun, if you enjoy the challenge, if the ups and downs are fun, then keep Obie, but don't feel you *have* to, life is too short, and my thought is there is probably someone else out there for who this horse will be a perfect partner, no shame in admitting that it isn't you, and letting them go.


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## nikelodeon79

He's no longer lame but there us scarring, which will probably drop his price. He is a bit stiff when he first gets going, but works out of it quickly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nyxi

I'm a re-rider myself. I'm 47 and I haven't ridden a horse in over 10 years. I understand your pain and fear all too well.

This is my story...

I was a wild child with my horse growing up. Fast wasn't fast enough, jumping in a bareback pad, riding backwards, in shorts and flip flops. I'm amazed I survived. 
I didn't ride for 15 years and decided I really needed to have a horse in my life again, so I bought a stunningly beautiful Arab. Dark bay with a long wavy black mane and tail. After struggling with him for about a year, 2 concussions, a broken rib, I decided I had to sell him. But it killed me because he was the horse I always dreamed of having as a child. But logic won out and I sold him to a girl who could get him to do things I never could. She rode dressage and he floated across the ground with her. I then bought an older mare who was very easy to ride and I wasn't scared to ride her at all. She blew out a tendon after 4 years and became a pasture horse. We moved from California to Texas and I shipped her out here because I couldn't think of being without her. A few months after being in Texas, I bought a gorgeous Percheron. I spent months working on ground work and getting a great bond with him. We clicked. I finally rode him in the round pen and he was an angel. The next week he was poisoned by nightshade that was growing in his field and he passed away. I was devastated. He truly was my soul mate.Two days later, my mare came down with the same thing (we had moved them to an area where there were no weeds or grass, just sand) and she survived, but between the poison and all the meds, she was not the same horse. Several months later, she ran through a fence impaled herself on a fence post. Once again, my heart was crushed.
I ended up buying another horse and it turned out she was pregnant, and was a tad green, so I didn't ride her at all. She had the most beautiful foal that I had the privilege to help him being born and he grabbed my heart the first time he looked at me with those big trusting eyes. I worked with him a lot and he was doing really well. When he was 6 months old I received a phone call from my barn owner. He had hurt himself badly. When I got there they held me back from seeing him and told me that he had broken his neck. I started sobbing and went out to be with him. It was horrific. The vet came and said there was nothing that could be done and I had to make the decision to euthanize my baby. In 18 months I had lost 3 horses to horrible deaths. I was done with horses. I gave my mare away to my farrier and couldn't even think of horses without my heart aching. 
Five years later, my brother passed away suddenly and the only thing I could think of was the solace a horse has always given me. That I need that again, that peace and calmness whenever I am with a horse. So I found another horse. Everyone who sees her comments on how beautiful she is, she is a 17.2 pure black Percheron. I let my heart lead with her. She has major trust issues, she has some bad habits, and I'm scared to ride her. I will not ride her until we gain trust in each other on the ground and we would make some progress, and then take a step back again. 
In fact, in about an hour I have a trainer coming out for our very first session. 

I'm so excited. She deserves to be loved...and so do I.


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## Nyxi

I'm very sorry for rambling on with my story. You just reminded me so much of myself with what you are going through. I tried to delete or edit my post, but I don't seem to have this option.


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## nikelodeon79

Nyxi said:


> I'm very sorry for rambling on with my story. You just reminded me so much of myself with what you are going through. I tried to delete or edit my post, but I don't seem to have this option.


No don't delete! Thank you for sharing your story. You sure have been through a lot. I think some of us are born with horses in our heart and nothing that happens can truly drive that from us. It's a part of who we are. I know when I was without horses in my life I always felt like a part of me was missing.

Good luck on your journey and keep me posted on how things go!


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## Nyxi

Thanks, Nickelodean. We can share the journey together


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## nikelodeon79

Had the vet out to take radiographs. Obie's hock injury affected the bone. There is damage/spurring and possibly a chip. The vet recommended surgery, and thinks there is also likely a deep bacterial infection.

I'm somewhat numb. This news, coupled with the training struggles and the fact that his right stifle is also suspect, leaves me wondering what to do. If there is a way to make him comfortable without surgery, I may just retire him at my parents.

If not.... I just don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse

So so sorry to hear the news.didn't want to read and run, be back later to add more.


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## jaydee

I'm so sorry to hear that - such a shame as he's only young but horses seem to have a knack for getting themselves into trouble and you can't bubble wrap them
Its quite likely that with treatment and rest he'll recover well enough to make someone a nice trail horse and if you turn him out at your parents place at least you know you've given him every chance so won't be living with any guilt
I think you should weigh up the financial costs of the treatment against his potential for recovery though - that's just me - I have a very practical side


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## Zexious

): Keep us updated...


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## nikelodeon79

Heard from the surgeon. The procedure is a debridement of the tissue and affected portion of the cannon bone. Cost estimate is $2,000.00.


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## jaydee

Hummm - That's a lot of money to spend if you can only use him or sell him as a trail horse afterwards - or does the vet think he would have a complete recovery and still have a career in dressage?


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## nikelodeon79

The surgery could fix the hock issues as it is just the cannon bone and not the joint. But... with his other issues (training difficulties, old stifle injury, cold backed), I'm leaning towards no surgery. I'm wondering if we could clean it up real good, get some antibiotics into it, and then see how he does as a pasture puff. My trainer concurs. 

My head thinks the correct plan is no surgery. My heart doesn't quite agree.


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## jaydee

I've never had experience myself of that sort of surgery but a UK friend had a gypsy cob that went down on the road and was left with a bone chip in its knee. She decided against surgery because she didn't ride her much and the horse was almost a freebie but the knee just got worse and worse and the poor thing ended up pretty much crippled on it and in a lot of pain so she had it euthanized
If you decide to keep him as pasture puff with no surgery and given all his problems it might be for the best then you just have to be prepared to do right by him when the time comes


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## nikelodeon79

I've begun the process of searching for another horse and... honestly... I feel guilty.

Even though the initial thought of getting another horse started before I knew Obie was injured, somehow I just feel bad about it. On the one hand, looking for another horse gets my mind off of Obie's injury and all the "what ifs" surrounding his figure, but on the other hand I feel like I'm replacing him.... which is somewhat silly because when I had him up for sale, replacing him was exactly what I was planning on doing. 

Regardless, I found a smaller, quiet OTTB one of the rescues has up for adoption and am planning on going to look at him in the near future. He reminds me (and my trainer) a lot of General. My trainer thinks I will be happiest with something in between General and Obie, and I agree. I'd still love to buy General, but my trainer doesn't really want to sell and he's on the high end of my price range if she did decide to let him go. 

I have a few other horses on my prospects list, including a 15 year old Arab/Hanovarian that is experienced in the Dressage circuit. Something that put me a bit off about this mare is the seller... I contacted her about a time to come out to look at the mare and she responded with "Yes she's still available and, if you're serious, you can come look at her." I am seriously looking for a horse, but that doesn't guarantee that I'm going to buy that particular horse... which is the whole point of going to try her out. I got the feeling that I'd be considered a "tire kicker" if I didn't immediately offer to buy her. 

Oh the joys of horse shopping. It was a lot more fun when I was helping a friend!


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## jaydee

Please don't beat yourself up about it - the horses isn't right for you in so many ways. Its tough and you care because you're a nice person but sometimes we just have to deal with it and move on
Don't worry about feeling guilty looking at horses that you might not buy either - that's just part of the search process, no one knows if a horse is going to be right for them until they see it and try it - I have done that hundreds of times and don't see myself as a tire kicker. You're a serious buyer not someone looking for free rides on a weekend


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## Zexious

^I'm in complete agreement with the above. It's very unfortunate that he has this issue... but that doesn't excuse the fact that he wasn't your for. Horses are just like people in that not all of them are going to get along with every person. This horse wasn't for you, and it's too expensive and demanding of a hobby for you not to enjoy it.


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## Golden Horse

It's a struggle when head and heart argue over the right course of action, but listen to head in this one I think.....there is a lot in the minus column and not a lot in the plus side.

As to the guilt..QUIT THAT NOW.

I have been to hell and back with my guilt over Ben, until, of all things, my physiotherapist helped me through that. I have been working on a mantra that says "Even though I failed Ben, I accept myself" That together with some simple EFT techniques has allowed me to move on. Sometimes things just don't work out for what ever reason, but being blocked by the guilt of failure, real or perceived, can stop you moving forward and enjoying things as you deserve.

Learn from the experience, use the new knowledge you have to look for your perfect partner, good luck, and keep us updated.


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## nikelodeon79

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the support. I'm actually going to try out a calm OTTB on Friday... and allowing myself to be excited about it. 

I had a lesson today and it went really well. I rode Turner, and he is a step up from General. He's a bit larger with a few more quirks. I had a blast and really felt like I was getting into a good rhythm. I also got to try my new saddle (a JC I found on ebay). Best two hundred bucks I ever spent!


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## Zexious

That's very exciting!  I hope the test ride goes well! Stay positive ;D


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## nikelodeon79

Just realized I've been neglecting this thread. 

I had an interesting experience horse shopping. I tried out two OTTBs the first trip. The first one I tried was Striker, at an OTTB rescue.

It wasn't the greatest experience. The combination of me being late and the person showing him having an appointment to make it to made it a very rushed ride. I didn't get to see him being ridden first, so I had no idea what to expect. I was nervous and tense, and that most definitely transferred to my riding. I also was not familiar with the type of saddle (English with absolutely no padding anywhere to help hold me in!). 

I left the first appointment feeling very down. I almost didn't go to the second appointment, but decided I'd driven 3.5 miles so I might as well give it a shot.

The second place was a trader, and I tried out Quick. They apparently forgot I was coming or there was some miscommunication, but it didn't seem to be an issue. One of the ranch hands saddled him up and rode him first. The horse was dead calm. I got on and had a great ride (in a deep seated Western saddle). I even cantered! I was on cloud nine. 

I texted my trainer that I was in love. She said she'd call me in awhile. 

I went in the house to discuss things with the seller. Halfway through buying him I texted my husband to ask if I could. 2/3rds of the way through buying him I texted a horsie friend to ask if I was crazy. 3/4ths of the way through buying him I texted my trainer to ask if she would kill me if I bought a horse that day. 

Two seconds later my phone rang. 

"You will NOT buy a horse today. You will drive home and show me the videos. You will think about this decision. You will get a PPE."

So, tail between my legs, I told the trader I needed to think things over and discuss it with hubby. I drove away, feeling somewhat sad but mostly relieved. 

Decisions are not my strong point. I need to have "Horses are not impulse buys!" tattooed somewhere so I won't forget it. 

When I stopped for lunch I watched the videos and reviewed the photos. 

I watched myself, stiff as a board, ride Striker. I watched myself kicking him in the sides with my legs, toes pointed at the ground. I watched as I jerked on the reins and make just about every rookie mistake in the book.

I watched that sweet horse continue trucking around the arena at a nice little trot, doing his best to figure out what exactly the crazy woman on his back wanted. NOTHING I did fazed that boy. 

I began to think that I shouldn't rule him out. 

I watched the video of me riding Quick. Sure, I looked relaxed and comfortable. Yes, it was awesome that I felt comfortable enough to canter him. 

But that was about all I could say about it. 

When I got back, I drove straight to the barn with my laptop and video camera. Met my trainer for burgers, beer and serious horse talk. 

I prefaced the showing of the videos by telling her I was sorry for completely forgetting all I'd learned in a year of lessons and warning her how truly awful I'd done. 

While watching the videos, she commented how much she really, really liked Striker. 

Then we got to the videos of Quick.

"I do not like this horse," she said. "Why would you buy a horse that you will outgrow in two months?!"

(And of course by "outgrow" she meant riding level, not size... or at least I hope she didn't mean size. Hmm....)

Anyway, I realized then that I could not buy Quick. Not only was she dead on correct about what I wanted/needed in a horse (she made me make a list of criteria and compare Striker, Quick, Obie and my two favorite school horses, and Quick came in dead last... even after Obie!), but buying from a trader goes against everything that I stand for... everything that I am!!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against those who sell horses in a reputable fashion. However, this particular place just wants to flip horses as quickly as possible so the next money maker can be brought in. I don't doubt that the owner genuinely loves horses, but the nature of her business just isn't something I want to support. 

So, it was back to the drawing board, with Striker not being ruled out as a possibility. Over the next few weeks, I continued the search, yet nothing seemed to catch my eye.

Or, rather, nothing I should or could seriously consider seemed to catch my eye. I found plenty of gorgeous Friesian crosses and one unbelievable looking Drum horse, but nothing that was both good for me AND within my relatively modest budget. 

My trainer says I have a good eye for flash... but notsomuch a good eye for suitability. 

I decided Striker definitely deserved a second try.


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## nikelodeon79

I arranged a second visit. My trainer has been crazy busy so she decided to send a couple of girls from the barn with me to give him another try. One of the girls is the apprentice trainer who had been riding Obie for me. 

It was pretty darn cold the day of our trip... double digits below zero, not including wind chill. Striker was as cute as ever when we arrived, and was a gentleman for saddling.

Forgot to mention that during the first trip, a mare absolutely obliterated her stall door. I'm talking wood and metal exploding mere feet from where Striker was standing in his cross ties. He barely blinked an eye.

Anyway, no exploding door this time around. 

The apprentice trainer rode him first, and she had instructions from my trainer to canter him. As she trotted around, the other girl I'd brought with indicated that she thought Striker looked a bit "off" in the left hind. 

I didn't really see much, but I've never claimed to be an expert in any way, shape or form. 

After awhile, the trainer brought Striker over to where I was videoing and told me she didn't feel comfortable cantering. She said he felt off and unbalanced, and she wanted more time to warm up than the bitter cold weather would allow.

At that point I realized I would not be buying a horse that day, either. I was under strict instructions from my trainer not to buy him unless I saw someone canter him. 

I rode him next, and this ride went much smoother for me. Striker was just as solid as he'd been the last time I rode, but this time I didn't tense up or panic. 

It helped that I'd brought along my trainer's Big Horn. 

His trot felt beautiful to the right. I'm pretty sure I was beaming from ear to ear while riding him. 

Then I looked over and saw that no one was videoing. I asked them to roll the camera and switched to the left. 

Striker was much faster and felt more tense going to the left. I was posting like a madwoman before something came back to me from my lessons like a lightbulb.

"Slow your post down!"

I slowed my post down and Striker responded almost instantly. 

Not long after that, I decided to call it a day. Not only was it friggin freezing, I was really starting to like this horse and didn't want to get too attached, because the two girls I'd brought along to help me check him out thought he was lame. 

I told the rescue that I needed some time and wanted to set up a PPE after I showed my trainer the videos. 

I told myself it was okay, at least now I knew what to look for in a horse. Something just like Striker... but sound. Heck, I even believed myself when I told myself finding a horse that fit that description would be easy peasy.. and doable within my meager budget. 

We talked to my trainer when we got back. Almost as an afterthought, she and I watched the videos once everyone else had left. 

"I still really, really like him!" she exclaimed. "I'm not sure what lameness they were talking about... because I just don't see it."

At this point I began to hope. 

We watched the videos backwards, forwards and in slow motion. She sent them of to a big time dressage trainer friend of hers. (He, of course, did not like him, but couldn't see anything other then a lack of suppleness). 

The apprentice trainer who'd ridden him said it may not have been lameness she felt, but just an overall stiffness or inability/unwillingness to bend. 

Of course, he's an off the track thoroughbred that's basically been sitting for a year and a half, so nobody's really taught him he's supposed to be supple. 

I decided to go forward with a PPE. Got the results back today... 

He passed. 

Not only did he pass, he passed with flying colors. Of course there were a few minor red flags. Thrush. Ear plaques. Shy about having his mouth checked. Needs to go on a diet. 

But he's SOUND. 

And he's everything I need. 

If all goes well, he comes home March 23rd.


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## nikelodeon79

Plans are in place to bring Striker home March 23rd. That's the day my trainer/BO gets home from vacation in Belize (lucky her!).

I can't even believe how excited I am. I was excited with Obie but didn't really think things through. I didn't have the same kind of feeling that I do now. I feel like I know Striker is the right horse for me. I can't wait to get him into training and see what we can do together. 

I've tried to restrain myself from buying too much. I had a saddle, girth and saddle pad before I bought Striker. I'm hoping the saddle fits him. The only things I've purchased are a blanket, halter and lead. Considering I tend to be an impulse buyer, I'm pretty proud of myself. 

Just a little over a week to go and he'll be here!


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## jaydee

Great news - but I don't know how you are able to wait that long!!!!!


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## nikelodeon79

I know! I'm pretty proud of myself for being patient.  It worked out best for my BO this way. She's making special arrangements as it is so I can bring him now. There's a couple of horses moving in May.


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## ellen hays

Hey, I really understand how you feel. I am going through a similar situation with my horse. Like you, this is my second go around with horses. I have a 16 to 17 hand Tennessee walker who use to be a very docile horse. He is now very healthy and full of himself. I am struggling with this situation. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.


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## nikelodeon79

Well, I have to put off getting Striker for another week at least. There is an EHV-1 outbreak in Minnesota. There was one case in the county Striker is in so far, and none at his barn, but we just want to make sure we're 100% safe and are able to quarantine properly, just in case. The round pen we use for quarantine is snowed under (had two recent storms while the BO was on vacation), so we're going to need at least a week to dig it out. 

I know this is the right decision for the barn (which of course includes Obie) but there's a part of me that has this fear that the longer he's down there, the more likely he'll end up exposed. One good thing is that one of the rescue owners is a vet so she certainly knows the proper procedures to guard against infection. 

So, the wait continues!


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## jaydee

That's tough - really feel for you but try to stay positive. Nothing else you can do


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## nikelodeon79

We had made the decision to wait out the EHV-1 scare, but the barn Striker was at needed the space due to a new horse moving in. The barn is co-managed by a vet, and she spoke to my trainer, assuring her the chance of contagion was nearly 0%. There have been no horses in or out of the barn for months, other than the fact that Striker was trailered to the U of MN to get his teeth floated and then to Cleary Lake Vet for his PPE. 

So, we went and got him this past Saturday. He walked right in the trailer like a pro (which, being an OTTB, he probably is). Now he's in quarantine, just to be on the safe side. 

The barn I board at had a strangles outbreak a few years back, so there's quite a bit of fear and, I'm sure, a lot of anger over the fact that a new horse has come in during an EHV-1 outbreak. There are no cases in my area, but there was one case in the county Striker was in. All but one of the cases involve barrel horses, and the one case that does not involve a barrel horse involves a horse that is stabled with barrel horses. There are no barrel horses in Striker's old barn. 

Still, I respect the fact that people are nervous, given the fact that many of them almost lost their horses a few years ago, and a few horses did die. I'm being extra careful: making sure to not go anywhere in the barn after I've messed with Striker... I just get in my vehicle and leave. We aren't going in the groom area, are not using the indoor arena, and turn around and go the other direction when another horse is being led towards us when we go on walks. We had bad weather today and my awesome BO constructed a makeshift stall in a different building so he could get in out of the wind and rain. 

I feel like a leper. 

I get it. REALLY I do. But I feel like I'm the awful person who's exposed their horses to what was previously barely a blip on the radar (closest case is 3.5 hours away). I feel like people are glaring daggers at me when I'm around the barn (I make sure to visit Obie BEFORE I see Striker so I don't have to worry about decontaminating myself). I feel like I'm a teenager again, being the most hated girl in school without a hope of ever fitting in. 

But this too shall pass. I have my new horse, and my trainer and I both think he is going to be just perfect for me. I find myself counting the hours until I can head to the barn, just so I can spend time with him. Heck, I can't even RIDE him for at least 21 days during the quarantine period, but I'm excited to start building a bond on long, isolated walks. 

I already know where his favorite spot to be scratched is. He already will ignore others, but will come over to the gate when I arrive. 

The crazy thing is, he's only two inches shorter than Obie, and I'm not in the least intimidated by him. Part of me still feels guilty that I'm bonding so much quicker with Striker than I ever did with Obie. The thing is... I'm nervous around Obie and I think I always will be. In a way, him being moved to my parents might be a good opportunity for me. I can see him like everyone else does: as just a sweet horse, rather than a scary creature that is just waiting to buck me off. 









(Seriously, does this horse look scary? I'm so irrational!)

But for now, I have two lovely horses at the boarding barn.... a HUGE part of me wishes it could stay that way. I just can't afford to board two, however, and with Obie's hock issues, there's no chance of me being able to lease him or even give him to someone with the appropriate riding abilities. So, it's at least a year of R&R for Obie... and a new adventure for Striker and me. 

As soon as this dang quarantine is lifted, that is.


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## tinyliny

T shirts and mountains of snow. wierd.


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## nikelodeon79

tinyliny said:


> T shirts and mountains of snow. wierd.


Lol! It was close to 50 degrees! Heat wave!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

Sounding good - sorry you're having to go through the whole leper thing but its the nature of people to get over protective with their horses. It will pass.
I'm so pleased to hear that you seem to already have a better feeling for this horse


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## Golden Horse

I can understand why the others are nervous, but it does sound like the risk is low, and you are doing the correct things to make sure the other horses stay safe, and that is the best anyone can do. Ultimately it was the BO decision to take him in, so you shouldn't feel bad, difficult I know when people are giving you the evil eye.

T shirt in snow, yeah, totally get that one, not quite T-shirt, but this was warm












nikelodeon79 said:


> The crazy thing is, he's only two inches shorter than Obie, and I'm not in the least intimidated by him. Part of me still feels guilty that I'm bonding so much quicker with Striker than I ever did with Obie. The thing is... I'm nervous around Obie and I think I always will be.


This strikes such a chord with me, I was always a little intimidated by Ben, it is just so nice with Mr Gibbs, I just don't have to worry when I am around him.


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## nikelodeon79

I continue to be a leper. 

One girl has threatened to leave the barn because the BO allowed Striker in. Another put in her notice, but I don't know if the reason is related to Striker. 

The good thing that comes of the drama is there is now room in pasture board (cheaper). Obie continues to be asymptomatic and his wound is completely healed with no swelling. He does have some stiffness, but since he tends to work out of it quickly, we (my vet, my trainer and myself) are thinking it is simply scar tissue.

We are going to be more diligent about using the BOT hock boots. There's a girl who was hand picked by my trainer who will be trying him out this week for a possible lease. I'm trying not to get too excited... but I would LOVE to keep both Obie and Striker at the boarding barn. 

In other news, I rode yesterday and it was, in the words of my trainer, "an excellent lesson." We worked on canter and I felt calm and confident. The best part? I didn't have the security of a western saddle, as I was riding in my JC saddle. Even when I'd lose my position, I'd, "keep calm and canter on," which has become my mantra. 

A friend of mine took pictures and sent one of them, "for feed back" to point out my mistakes. I looked at the picture and thought, "Wow! Look how far I've come!" while she saw only the errors. (My leg was "creeping back.")

Apparently I've become a "glass half empty" kind of gal. 

I showed the pic to my trainer and she said, "Look how nice and centered and calm your upper body and arms are. And how nice and soft he is turning. Your leg may have slid back to help keep him turning. Minor detail!"

My latest goal is not to psych myself out about riding Striker. It's been so long since I rode him last and it will be awhile longer yet (12 days left in quarantine). I'm spending time just grooming him, caring for him and taking him for walks, which is something I unfortunately failed to do when I first got Obie due to other circumstances in my life. 

Not sure if this photo will work, but I thought I'd share a pic of me & General, my favorite school horse to close out this journal entry. I think the t-shirt is quite appropriate.


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## nikelodeon79

Tomorrow is THE DAY. If all goes well (*knocks on wood*), Striker gets out of solitary confinement. That means I can bring him in the groom area and RIDE HIM. 

Not sure if I'll get a chance to ride tomorrow, as it's likely going to be busy in the arena being a weekend and the first warm day since the last lovely snowstorm we had. I also have limited time and am supposed to have a lesson at 2. So we shall see.

At least I can bring him in the groom area and spend time with saddle fitting, etc. I need to get working on his hooves, as well. He has a crack in one of the rears and a bit of thrush. The farrier just trimmed him up and instructed me to keep cleaning out the cracked foot. I haven't been able to do a stellar job with that because it was hard to maneuver in the round pen. Washing hooves in mud and snow is just no fun at all!

So tomorrow it's into the (heated) groom area with saddles, bridles, bits and buckets of water. 

On the Obie front, the girl who's interested in leasing Obie rode him today. She took things slow, just walk, trot and "camping out" on him watching lessons (which he really needs to learn to relax!). She said she was a "bit surprised" that his mounting issues included him crowhopping a bit at first but then he calmed right down. She did a lot of mounting and dismounting and by the fifth time or so he was nearly relaxed. 

I take being "a bit surprised" as being a good sign, instead of my normal reaction of "I think I just peed my pants." 

I told her that the last girl who rode him had him to the point where he was just a bit tense after mounting but then moved out fine. However, after a long lay off he generally reverts back to his bad habits. She didn't seem too concerned and is going to try him out again Sunday.

So, cross your fingers that all works out for Obie staying at the barn (and staying sound!). We also need some jingles for our finances... we did our taxes and it went something like this. 

Federal: "You worked hard this year, so here's a little something in return."

Minnesota: "Y'know, you did work hard, but there's that little matter of the early 401K disbursement. Here's a few bucks, anyway."

Wisconsin: "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!"

So, yeah, no new saddle for me, and we might be eating Ramon noodles for awhile in order to afford full board for two horses.


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## jaydee

Good luck with Obie and the next stage of your life with Striker


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## nikelodeon79

Striker and I are officially no longer lepers!

After my lesson (another great one), I tacked up Striker (mostly to see how my tack fit). There is definitely a LOT of groundwork ahead of us, but that isn't unexpected with an OTTB.

I walked him up to the indoor. He was a bit high headed and wide eyed. A part of me immediately thought "Oh no, here we go again!!: But this time i know (hope?) things will be different. I have ridden Striker twice and felt comfortable. He is trainer approved. 

After I walked him back to the barn, he calmed down. I noticed that he was sensitive in the stomach area on both sides... to the point where he will swish his tail, lift his leg and even kick out. He's been cribbing a lot lately and I'm concerned about ulcers. I will be getting him checked out this week. He and Obie will also be getting massages. (I joke that my horses are much more pampered than I am).


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## jaydee

Sounds like ulcers - a course of omeprazole should fix it. Quarantine has probably been very stressful for him poor boy


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## nikelodeon79

jaydee said:


> Sounds like ulcers - a course of omeprazole should fix it. Quarantine has probably been very stressful for him poor boy


He actually did quite well until the last part. Then he was like, "That's IT. I'm over solitary confinement!"

He got put in the box stall herd today. My trainer felt that would be the be the best spot for him because he is a bit of a baby, both with weather and other horses. So far he's basically been hiding from the rest of the horses. :-( Hopefully he starts fitting in soon. Obie is currently one of the bottom horses in that herd so maybe they'll become friends.


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## jaydee

That yard sounds to be very considerate of the individual horses needs - I like that.
I'm sure he'll settle in OK


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> this time* i know* (hope?) things will be different. I have ridden Striker twice and felt comfortable. He is trainer approved.


I'm glad you are no longer lepers, must feel great.

Stick with I KNOW it will be different, now is not the time for doubt, you lead with confidence, he will come with you.

Hope any ulcer issues are an easy fix


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## nikelodeon79

OK, I KNOW it will be different. 

Yesterday the boys both got massages. It started to rain/sleet just before I brought them in and Striker was shivering by the time we got inside. I put his cooler on and took him for a walk. Helen walked Obie for me, as he was also shivering. 

My BO is definitely correct about both horses requiring box stall board. I own a couple of pansies!

Obie got his massage first, and he was unbelievably tight/tense in the loin area. The massage guy said he thinks that's where his mounting issues stem from. He's just so tense about everything. He showed us some stretches for him. 

I left to put Obie in his stall, and Striker was super excited to see me when I got back.

It was a good feeling.

Obie is fairly indifferent towards me. It's my fault, really, because I never spent much time with him. He's a sweet horse that seems to like everyone but I guess I never felt much of a connection with him, as cheesy as that sounds. 

Anyway, Striker was much calmer standing in the groom area this time. He was a good boy for his massage and no real problem areas, muscle wise, were identified. We ran the laser over him and got a definite reaction in the gut area. We feel that he has ulcers so are going to treat him for them. The massage guy also checked out my saddle (he's the closest thing to a saddle fitter that we have around here) and he thinks it's a good fit.

The only thing left to do now is ride.


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> The only thing left to do now is ride.


:thumbsup: Yeah, can't wait for a positive update!


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## nikelodeon79

Here's a pic of my pansy boys:


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## nikelodeon79

The craziest thing happened regarding Obie. 

My trainer and I had a talk yesterday about my plans going forward. The girl who would like to lease Obie won't be able to afford it until at least August, and it's just not realistic for me to board two horses for that long (especially with both of them being in stall board). My trainer looked at me and said:

"I think you just need to let him go."

She thinks I should find him a home or bring him to my parents. Really, she's right. It's just a hard move to make. I see them both at Amity and I'm so happy... Somehow I still feel as if I'm letting Obie down somehow. I just can't face the possibility that he might end up in a bad position if I find him a new home. I know that, no matter how careful I am in placing him, I have little to no control over what happens to him once I'm no longer his owner. 

I ended up listing him on a local horse facebook page for $1K negotiable. I am being very open about his issues, both physical, mental and training wise. 

I was contacted by someone who said she used to own him in the past. After talking with her for awhile, there is no doubt in my mind the horse she used to own (___ Dakota Diamond, aka "Dime") and Oskar Blues, Oz, Obie, Obalicious are one and the same. She described the bony lump on his neck and she has tons of pics up on her FB page of him. 

She got him in 2011 from some people who had got him from South Dakota. He was around five and was nearly unhandled... barely halter broke. She started from the ground up. She said he was "explosive and unpredictable." One day he'd be fine and the next day he'd be bucking for all he was worth. He ended up bucking her off and breaking her ribs.

She sent him to a reputable trainer and his issues with blowing up continued. The trainer convinced her to sell him and not long after that he ended up in the kill pen. 

I guess we know why. 

The lady I bought him from had the same issue. They started him from the ground up but he had a bucking issue. He ended up bucking her off so she listed for sale. 

I think it's a testament to my trainer that she has gotten him so far. The other trainers who had worked with him had basically written him off as dangerous and untrainable. While he certainly still has issues, I would not call him dangerous. He can be tense and throws a lazy crow hop here or there, but that's about it. 

I have had several responses to my ad and have turned quite a few people down. One lady wanted an endurance prospect, someone else wanted a horse for a beginner 4-Her, and a lady veteran wanted a quiet mount to enjoy retirement.

Sometimes I think people don't really read the ads before responding. Perhaps, like me, they are "blinded by flash."

Right now I have two people interested that sound like they might be a good fit for him. I'll only place him with full disclosure of his issues and they'll have to come try him out to make sure he's something they're prepared for. 

This weekend, I'm checking the fence and shelter at my parents' place. If he hasn't been placed by the time it dries up a bit, that's where he will go. 

A big part of me thinks that perhaps being retired to pasture is what's best, especially given the new info on his background. However, another part of me thinks he could make some confident rider a really cool horse. 

The biggest monkey wrench involves the condition of my parents' place. Part of the fencing includes...

... the dreaded barbed wire.

We replaced most of it last summer but there's still sections of barbed. We put up an electric fencer that promptly shorted out within a week. With Obie's history of fence disrespect, I just don't know how he'll do there. 

I can't put off the decision for much longer, though.


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## Golden Horse

You have to do your best, whatever that is, and I do know how you feel, kind of maybe. I believe that there was a reason why Ben was sold to me as just started at 9 years, having been at a trainers place for years! At least you know for sure that your boys issues were in place long before you bought him, I just kind of hope that Bens were, or the fact is that I caused them, and that is entirely possible. You though can have a clear conscience, you didn't do anything wrong.

As to Obie, again only you can decide, I decided to let someone else have a try with Ben, he deserved a chance to get over it, and having filtered out the idiots, I hope he is in a good home now. DH really wanted to run him through the auction, or simply shoot him, and I did consider those options, but as I say I gave him a chance. Personally I never considered him as a pet/lawn mower, Ace is that, I can see Gibbs earning his retirement here, but Ben, no he had to move on, so I could.

As to the barb wire, if it is in good condition and the pastures are big I wouldn't worry over much. I know that makes me a heretic, but in my whole career I don't think I have ever had turn out that didn't have barb on at least one boundary, I think I have always been at places that ran cattle as well so barb is normal to me. So far, touch wood, I have had horses rip themselves on gate hooks, on a nail imbedded in a rail that had sprung off, dug Destiny out of many plain wire fences, but they stay clear of the barb


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## nikelodeon79

Today I spent the day at my parents and was able to spend some time with my horses there. I don't talk much about them... and to be completely honest it's mostly because I feel guilty about them. 

My parents only live about 1.5 hours away from me, but once I went away to college I stopped spending a lot of time with my horses. It was like when I did get a chance to go for a visit, there were so many other things that I spent my time on. 

I have had three horses pass away since I left home. Bandit was my first pony, and he declined so rapidly (his Cushings medication stopped working) that I had to make the decision to let him go. I felt like I had failed him somehow... because I was not there to spend time with him in his last years. 

Mirage was a horse I bought on a whim because I didn't think anyone else would take on a recently gelded Arab with no saddle training. He was only with me for a few years before he died, so my guilt with him was lessened. He was more my mom's horse than anything... just a "pasture pet."

Royale was a different story. I consider him a "heart horse," one that I bonded with strongly. I was his everything... the only person he was genuinely pleased to see and the only human he ever let on his back. 

I still feel guilty that I did not spend enough time with him in the years before he died. 

When I got the call that he was down in the pasture I knew it was the end. My mom wondered whether they should try to get him up or call a vet... my answer was "both." His heart was beating so faintly the euthanasia drug did not take effect and my brother had to end it with a bullet. 

I am thankful my brothers are avid hunters that know how to end suffering quickly and efficiently. 

I wish I could've been there to see him one last time.. to cradle his head in my lap and tell him I loved him.. that he was special to me. But another part of me is glad I did not have to see my proud, spirited Arab brought so low. 

The remaining horses there are Cody, Warrior, Scout and Maverick. 

Mav is my sister-in-law's horse, so I don't have to feel guilty about him. 

Warrior and Scout are affectionately dubbed the Stinky Ponies. They were anothe impulse buy.

I REALLY have to stop buying horses like that. Mirage, Warrior, Scout and Obie were all purchases I didn't really think through. 

I saw Warrior on Craigslist, and he looked so much like my sweet Bandit that before I knew it, I was on a four hour trip to the Minnesota/Canadian border, "just to look." By the time I'd left, I'd bought two ponies. The other was supposed to be his half sister, but the seller decided to back out at the last moment so I ended up with Scout for basically the cost of shipping. 

Warrior just turned three and Scout turns two in June. They are barely halter broke. Warrior was gelded last spring and, if Scout's behavior today is any indication, his date with the knife is overdue. (We couldn't geld him when we cut Warrior because one testicle had not yet dropped). I really need to put some training on the Stinky Ponies... if only to save my poor farrier some grief every 8 weeks. 

Cody is my 25 year old retired AQHA gelding. He's earned his retirement ten times over. After I started taking lessons, the first time I made it back to my parents I went straight out to the pasture, gave him a hug, and apologized for all those years of bad riding.

Even though Royale was my "heart horse," I think it's going to be harder to say goodbye to Cody. I've owned him the longest, and he and I have been through a lot. Today I almost broke down as I walked away from the pasture and turned around to see him watching me go. He's in great condition so I think (hope... pray...) that he has many good years left, but I guess we never know. 

So, Obie will be in good company if he ends up going to Twin Hills Ranch (Twin Hills is what I named my parents' place when I was a teenager... complete with a crude woodburned sign). But I can't help but wonder... will he just be another horse I have to feel guilty about?


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## jaydee

If you can keep him in retirement then that would be really nice - otherwise a horse like that is better euthanized at home than passed around until it ends up going to a slaughter yard.


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## Golden Horse

Tough love time OK:

Slaps Nickel upsides the head...you know from what I read you have got a bunch of horses living their lives out on pasture with people to look after them, yes? So they are in a herd, grazing the days away, with their needs attended to, do you think for one second that any of them really missed you spending more time with them? 

I totally understand guilt, we are all great at that, but keep reminding yourself that if you keep a horse in a natural condition, with the bonus of footcare and vets on hand, then they are quite happy, they don't _need_ you as such. I also understand impulse buys, and not thinking things through, BTDT and have been through a bunch of horses in the last few years. 

But with Obie, no guilt OK, you bought a problem, you couldn't fix him, maybe someone can, maybe he can't be fixed, who knows? You tried, that is the point, you tried.


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## nikelodeon79

Thanks guys... I often need a kick in the butt!

I am humanizing the horses and I know it. All things considered, they have a pretty good life. 

We will be bringing Obie to Twin Hills on Saturday. 

Striker's training begins on Sunday. I guess I'm officially moving on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse

> Striker's training begins on Sunday. I guess I'm officially moving on.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, glad to read it, I promise you that there is a good place in front of you, hope you and Striker get there soon.


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## jaydee

Good luck with your progress


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## nikelodeon79

Sunday I went to the barn for a lesson, but it ended up getting canceled. It was windy, rainy, miserable weather.

A friend and I decided to take our horses to the indoor to let them rip around for awhile. 

I think they like each other:









Fun was had by all:

































Striker really enjoyed looking at himself in the mirror:









Smarty was the ringleader:









Both were unfazed by the giant ball:









Just some fun pics of my boy:

























Once they'd run off some energy, the horses spent their time following us around. Each horse chose his respective owner and was content. The cool thing is, both of these horses were selected by our trainer as being good matches for us.

I think she did a good job.


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## nikelodeon79

In case you couldn't tell from the quality (or lack thereof), most of the pics were video stills.

Here's the video:


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## Golden Horse

:clap:Looks like the boys are having a blast there


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## nikelodeon79

Obie is home!

He settled in nicely and will be kept in a separate paddock for a few weeks. Fingers crossed that he respects the fence once he gets turned out with the others.

It does feel like "one of these things is not like the other" with all the chestnuts:










I feel good about the decision to bring him here. I think he'll fit in well with the other geldings. He is such a wimp in the pasture it will do him good to be with fewer horses and no mares. Maverick (SIL's horse) was being a bully but Cody put a stop to that rather quickly. Cody is the herd boss and doesn't tolerate bullying. 

I think Obie and Cody will be great friends.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

Glad he's settling in so well


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## Zexious

Glad he's home  I sense a bit of relief in your tone, and I think you made the right decision.


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## nikelodeon79

Definite relief! I hate decisions. Now that the decision is made, I can move forward.

Today was Striker's first training session. Before I bought him, I was fairly certain he'd had no off the track training. Today confirmed it. He did very well and tries his best to please, but we definitely have a lot of work to do!

I didn't end up riding him today because we didn't want to work him too hard and overwhelm him, but my trainer rode him and there was nothing "scary" like watching her ride Obie. I will probably wait a few more sessions to ride him, just because I don't want to confuse him by doing anything wrong. Right now he's trying to figure out what everything means and my trainer is the best teacher for that. 

I rode General for another great lesson after we were done working with Striker. I continue to feel more and more comfortable cantering, and today I cantered several times around the arena SITTING the canter rather than in two point. 

My plan at this point is to participate in Striker's training sessions from the ground, continue to take lessons, and start riding him once we're both a little further a long. Even though I'm not "in the saddle" yet, I feel positive about the way things are going and I feel like this is going to have a happier ending than with Obie, riding wise. My trainer is happy with Striker's work ethic and temperament, and so am I.


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## Zexious

And where are the pics from this session!? ;D


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## nikelodeon79

Zexious said:


> And where are the pics from this session!? ;D


Well... if you insist!! 

Here's my trainer helping me bridle him. He is a bit "head shy" and my trainer showed me a better technique than the old "reach between the ears" method. I was rushing things and not providing an opportunity for him to give. 










Lunging:


































My trainer lunged him for the canter.. he doesn't know how to balance himself so it's difficult:









And then my trainer rode him:









Here's my favorite pic from the day. It shows how he likes to walk when I lead him... sniffing the ground like a goofy big dog!


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## nikelodeon79

My trainer rode Striker yesterday in the outdoor arena. I was not able to be there (work), but a friend of mine was there and she said Striker did great. It was very windy, and Striker took things in stride. 

My trainer said the following, "He was super good! Lunged him in the round pen then rode him in the outdoor. He is a darn 2 by four. Bending him is ridiculously hard but he is unflappable. Wind, etc. Super calm."

She also said she thinks I can start riding him in lessons already because he is so mellow. My kind of horse!


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## jaydee

All sounding very good. I am so rooting for you and Striker to do well because you deserve some good luck, you seem to try so hard to do everything right


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## nikelodeon79

My trainer said I should ride Striker in the my lesson on Sunday. She rode him today without lunging first and he did great. 

I am incredibly excited to ride MY OWN HORSE in a lesson. This has been a long time coming.

I appreciate the support you guys have shown me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueEyedPaint

nikelodeon79 said:


> I am incredibly excited to ride MY OWN HORSE in a lesson. This has been a long time coming.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Its a great feeling, isn't it!!!! Congrats!! Very happy for you!!!


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## Golden Horse

Big smile here, and would be liking some posts if I wasn't on my cell!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

Today's lesson was amazing!!!

Striker stood like a champ when I mounted and was super calm the entire lesson. In fact, while we were sitting there during instruction, he FELL ASLEEP. 

It was so funny.. he had just started snoring and when another horse snorted, he jumped like "what's going on?"

We worked on getting their hindquarters engaged during turns by doing a zig zag pattern around cones. We were able to walk and trot the pattern and I think Striker enjoyed himself. I know I did!

He's super fun to ride, although I'm going to have to get used to riding a narrow horse. Most of the horses I've ridden have been built like tanks.










So, yeah, I'm a little bit happy.

















My friend and I on our "trainer approved" horses:









Chillin' after the ride!










I almost broke down in tears of joy at the end of the lesson and I gave my trainer a giant hug. I finally feel like I'm on the right track!


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## Golden Horse

WHOOOT:happydance::happydance::happydance:

I'm so happy for you, I know that tears of joy feeling, and I also hugged my trainer for finding me the right horse.


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## jaydee

I am so happy for you right now


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## nikelodeon79

On Tuesday, I went to my parents' to let Obie out with the rest of the herd. It went well. Maverick was up to his old tricks, but Obie let him have it, with a kick right to the chest (I won't lie, I cheered... Mav is such a bully!). 

My sweet old Cody's cowhorse instincts kicked in and he herded Mav like a prize steer, keeping him away from Obie. The stinky ponies had a mad gallop across the field with Obie... I guess that injury doesn't plague him too badly!






It did my heart good to see him fitting in so well. So far he's respecting the fence. *knocks on wood*

I actually had someone inquire about him... but now I'm torn about what to do. She said she used to be a veterinarian until she suffered an injury. The veterinarian part would be good... the injury part not so good. Just from her messages, I'm not so sure he would be suitable for her. So many people are blinded by his color and think they can "fix" his issues. My trainer and I believe that no matter how much training he has, he will never be an "easy" horse to ride. 

I messaged the would be buyer back but have not yet returned her call. I gave her my trainer's phone numbers and would rather she talk to my trainer... I think she would be a better judge as to whether this person would be suitable. 

A big part of me is loathe to move Obie now that he's settled in. Then again, there's the voice at the back of my mind that tells me that, at some point, I will have to move him. Obie is eight and my dad, who is the caretaker of my horses, is 67. In 10 years my dad likely will not be able to care for the horses any longer. Cody will be gone and Mav is my SIL's responsibility, but Obie will still be in his prime. The stinky ponies are easy... they're so small I could likely keep them at my home if need be. But Obie... what does one do with a 16H paint who, by that point, will have forgotten all of his saddle training? 

I guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it.


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## nikelodeon79

Wednesday was my first "fun" ride on Striker. It was the first time I got to go out to the barn without scheduling with my trainer... and the first time I got to go out when I felt like it to ride MY OWN horse. 

I was terrified.

Well, perhaps terrified is too strong a word. I wouldn't say I was mad with fear, but I was definitely nervous. I have gotten used to having my trainer there as a "security blanket" of sorts. How will I know if my position is off, or if my rein length is wrong? 

I rode with a friend of mine, the one who owns Smarty. Smarty is also green and just needs time to relax and take it all in. 

I was pretty tense at first, and it transitioned to Striker. Thankfully, his reaction to a tense rider is to walk slow and lose his rhythm. After about 10 minutes, I think we both gave a great sigh and relaxed. 

We did walk/trot in both directions and worked on some turns... just simple stuff to calm my frazzled nerves. Striker was a superstar, though he does favor inside leg vs. outside leg. He tends to "blow off" the outside leg and I know I was being too timid with him. With time will come more confidence, I'm sure. 

My trainer had ridden him earlier and did W/T/C in both directions. He isn't balanced and doesn't know his leads, but he CANTERED and he didn't panic even when he didn't quite get what was being asked of him. He seems to have very solid nerves.. which is a good thing considering the state of mine. 

We have another group lesson on Sunday and I'm looking forward to trying out my lovely new Stubben bridle.  Lessons every Sunday, free riding every Wednesday, and my trainer works him in between. I finally feel like I'm headed somewhere... and am enjoying the ride.


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## Golden Horse

Awesome update! Keep on going there
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChristineNJ

Great!!


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## jaydee

All sounds very good
You'd be strange if you weren't nervous - but he didn't get worried about it. He seems like a really genuine sort
Don't know what to say about Obie - if you do let this person have him then be sure to have them sign something to say they understand his problems so can't come back on you if they do have an accident


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## nikelodeon79

I gave the woman my trainer's number and I don't think she's called. 

All the paper in the world couldn't protect me if something happened and she decided to sue. In the good old US of A if a person wants to sue... they can sue. 

Ask me how I know this? I work for a defense law firm. Sue happy people put food on my table. 

In all seriousness, I don't think Obie is going anywhere. He is settling in nicely at my parents' place. The girl who was working with him prior to going to her working student position in Chicago has said she wants him... but whether or not that happens I can't say. Her taking him hinges on where she is in a few years and whether she is allotted more stalls at the show barn she's working at. My guess is that she's going to want a big fancy warmblood if she's given another stall... and then maybe Obie. Absence sometimes does not make the heart grow fonder! But if she wants him... he is hers. She has the skills and knowledge to handle him and knows all of his issues firsthand. 

On to Striker:

We had another lesson today... another great lesson. I'm beginning to sound like a broken record and you know what? I LOVE IT!!

I did not get any riding pics but did get some of he and I by the river. Will post those later. A friend of mine is going to come watch a lesson sometime in June so I'm hoping to get some video.  

My next goal? Fitness. I am extremely unhappy with my body condition. I got on a scale tonight to weigh a saddle I sold and nearly cried when I saw the number. Please tell me the scale lied? The last time I thought the scale lied, I made my hubby get on to make sure it was still accurate and... sure enough... honest scale.

This time I think I'll believe the scale and start doing something about that awful number.


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## jaydee

I think that the worry about being sued would put me off selling a horse I knew to be a high risk!!!


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> My next goal? Fitness. I am extremely unhappy with my body condition. I got on a scale tonight to weigh a saddle I sold and nearly cried when I saw the number. Please tell me the scale lied? The last time I thought the scale lied, I made my hubby get on to make sure it was still accurate and... sure enough... honest scale.
> 
> This time I think I'll believe the scale and start doing something about that awful number.


Scales lie, they lie the whole time, and when they aren't lying they don't tell the whole truth.

Seriously, ditch the darn things, your life is better off without them. Fitness, concentrate on that, core strength and aerobic fitness, that is what will help your riding more. By all means improve your diet at the same time, but I am finding out that my riding is improving so much by getting more active and being able to actually be effective as a rider.


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## nikelodeon79

I rode General tonight. Why did I ride one of the school horses rather than my own horse, you ask?

Because of this:








(in case the pic doesn't load, because photobucket seems to be down and I have no idea how to use flikr, it's a picture of a cut on the cannon bone about halfway between the knee and the ankle). 

I'm feeling a sense of deja vu. 

The good news is, it's mostly superficial and not on a joint, like Obie's was. 

They started calling me "The Bad Luck Girl" at the barn tonight. 

I'm joking about it because I don't.. I might cry. I just have to keep telling myself that it will heal up quickly and we'll be back in business.

Right???


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## nikelodeon79

Wound pics:


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## jaydee

I don't know why but I can't see any pics today - I think its my internet connection is slow for some reason
Settling new horses in is always going to be a worry, if its not too serious he'll recover soon enough


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## kbg7506

I just want to say that your story is an inspiration to me! I went through a similar situation of having a horse that was just too much for me and it completely obliterated my confidence. Long story short, the bad horse went back to where he came from and I bought a new horse in october. But of course the winter here in MI was horrific and I did not get much of a chance to ride which did not help my confidence at all. It got to the point where I only felt comfortable being led around on my new horse, not because she had ever done anything wrong but because of my anxiety issue. Well two days ago, I was forced out of my comfort zone and let me tell you, it was amazing. I thought about your story while I was grinning from ear to ear after returning from a 6 hour trail ride with my mom and a friend. Here I am today with 14 trail miles on my sweet mare and ten steps forward in the confidence department. I know that there will probably tons more ups and downs but it finally feels good again. Both you and I are finally on the right track now! Thank you for your story. 

That injury looks pretty yucky! Hopefully it clears up quickly so you and Striker can get back to riding!!! Good luck and thanks again!


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## nikelodeon79

Not too much to report.. but I'm sure I'll manage to fill up a post regardless. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit wordy!

Striker is on the mend. His leg is looking great and he's cooperating with us as we wrap, unwrap, wash, and re-wrap. I've been given the all clear to start riding again, but am going away for a few days. I hope to get back in the saddle on Monday.

I've had a few great rides on General... he's a true confidence builder. I'm thinkign i should sprinkle a lesson or two on General in the mix even after I start riding Striker again... everyone can use a boost of confidence here and there!

Obie continues to do great at my parents. He fits in so well with the herd. The three "big boys" tend to hang out together and the ponies chum around together... but occasionally they'll all mix. The ponies love playing with Obie, likely because he's still young enough to enjoy playing.

On that note, my poor sweet Cody is really starting to show his age.  His arthritis is getting bad in his fronts... but he'll still go galloping in the pasture from time to time so I'm hopeful he has a few good years left. Saying goodbye is the hardest part.


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## Golden Horse

I think that having the odd ride on General is a good idea, sounds like he is a sweetie. At least all the wound dressing and nursing care means that you are spending quality time with Striker, hopefully it is helping you build a bond with him.


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## nikelodeon79

Golden Horse said:


> At least all the wound dressing and nursing care means that you are spending quality time with Striker, hopefully it is helping you build a bond with him.


Yes definitely! I love him already. I feel like time spent with Obie on the ground was something that was lacking. Part of it was that my job was insane at that time and I just couldn't get out to the barn, but another part was that I was always a bit intimidated by Obie, even on the ground. It's different now that he is at my parent's. The pressure is off and it's a much quieter and relaxed atmosphere.

With Striker, and how calm and relaxed his temperament is, moments like this can happen:









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

What a lovely photograph, I'm so happy for you that things are working out well - and yes I also think that this time spent caring for Striker is going to help build your bond with him so not a total waste at all


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## nikelodeon79

Well... The cut is doing well, but now he has a bad case of greasy heel. Treating with Blue Kote, and Vetericyn is on order.

More bonding time. Soaks in the creek to clean it off, followed by medication.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> More bonding time.


I kind of hear the exasperation coming through in that one

I really hope that bonding time moves to getting him going time really soon.


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## jaydee

A friend of mine has just bought a new horse and its come out in ringworm all along its back - I told her the same 'bonding is good' but its so frustrating when you want to be riding and you can't.


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## nikelodeon79

Yes... it is frustrating but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I am still having a blast just going to the barn and spending time with him. He is SOO sweet and I just keep thinking of all the things we WILL be doing... someday. My trainer went to a clinic this weekend and hopefully by fall, Striker and I will get to go to one, too. 

I found some info on Striker's past when I was looking for race photos. I found pics and video from when he was at the auction in Pennsylvania. 






He's a pretty awesome horse. <3


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## nikelodeon79

Striker's wound looks awesome and he's no longer sore on the greasy heel foot.

Back to work!

Got to watch my trainer ride him yesterday. He did great. My trainer kept saying: "I really like him. I think he's the perfect horse for you!"

So do I. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse

I wish there was a like option on my cell
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## L8rg8r

I really enjoyed reading this thread! I am coming into my 2nd childhood, having purchased 2 black & white gaited horses. Right now, I am in CA, spending time with my ill Sister. My horses are in KY, lazing around the pasture, where I'm boarding them with a friend. at 64, my Daughters are less than thrilled, but my Grandkids, ages 13 to 21, are pickled tink! They've been missing horses almost as much as I have! I told my Girls that they'll have to equip me with a LOJACK when I get to KY,LOL. I know the fear factor well, but, with prayers & luck, I will persevere, as all of you here have/are done/doing.


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## Zexious

That video was really interesting. He sure has come a long way since then! I hope he's feeling more like himself, now


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## nikelodeon79

I'm at the barn, early for once. Usually I'm rushing in at the last moment, struggling to get tacked up quickly so I'm not late for the lesson.

It's nice to be early, both so I have time to get ready and because it gives me time to reflect and appreciate where I am.

I didn't want to come today.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it previously, but I have bipolar disorder. This illness is characterized by highs and lows, with periods of normalcy. 

My "highs" (manic phases) aren't all that fun. They usually involve me making rash decisions and spending money I don't have.

The last true manic phase I had was when I bought Obie.

Since then I've made huge strides in controlling my moods. I've learned to recognize them and how to cope. More than that, I usually can head them off before they start.

I've had an extended period of blessed, blessed normalcy. I took what life has handed me and dealt with it. I've made good decisions and purchased a horse with my brain, not my heart or by sheer impulse.

I think I am depressed. No... I AM depressed. There's no real logic behind it. Sure life is stressful and money is tight, but isn't it always?

It's a foggy, dreary, cold day. The temptation to stay in bed was overwhelming. 

But I didn't. I got out of bed, led worship for church, and now I'm here.

I'm here. In about an hour I'm going to ride MY horse. The one that is just right for me. 

I'm gonna be just fine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeroMyOttb

Lovely keep with the good work my dear. 

With depression you have to push yourself through it, which looks like that's what you are doing.

I have depression and anxiety but I go see a professional. I take it you see a professional for your bipolar disorder?

Enjoy your great new horse that is perfect for you!!

Good Luck!


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## nikelodeon79

I do have a therapist but unfortunately cannot see her at the moment because of financial difficulties. I'm okay though... working through it. 

I had an amazing lesson. I was nervous to get on... I just had this bad feeling... but thankfully it proved to be unfounded. Striker stood like a rock when I mounted and moved off nicely when I asked him to. 

We worked on leg position and trot/halt transitions. It was a "mixed group" meaning it was me and then a bunch of younger, less experienced riders. That was fine by me, though, as my instructor makes it fun and informative for all. 

She also had me working on posting trot, trotting in two point, and sitting trot. I told her I felt like I'D been the one doing all the trotting rather than Striker when the lesson was over. It was a good tired, though.  

She told me I was ready to canter.... I chickened out. I just knew I needed a good lesson... with how I've been feeling... and I was worried that if something negative happened when I tried to canter it would be hard for me to overcome. Part of me wishes I would've tried... but mostly I think I made the right decision.

After the lesson, I did Striker's wound care myself. I've been relying heavily on my trainer to help out, even though this is the sort of thing I do all of the time with the horses at my parents' house. A trainer is awesome to have, but sometimes it's nice to remember that I also have knowledge/skill. 

Striker's wound is almost healed. Caring for it involved a nice soak in the creek, then washing it off (he's awesome with a hose... one of the perks of getting an off the track horse!) and applying some powder to prevent proud flesh. His greasy heel is also doing great. 

He managed to throw both shoes. I'm going to wait about a week to get shoes put back on. We've had a lot of rain so I think the pasture muck would just suck the shoes off yet again. The ground is soft and we won't be doing any trail riding quite yet, so he should be fine without shoes until then. My trainer keeps the indoor and outdoor arena footing in fantastic shape. It's not a super "fancy" place, but I sure feel spoiled boarding there. By contrast, my parents' setup is definitely "backyard" in nature, but then again not all parents put up with their kids' horse craziness but letting them have as many as five horses at one time. 

Really I've been very fortunate in life, something I need to remind myself when I get down in the dumps. 

And horses really are the best kind of therapy.


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## Golden Horse

Keep hanging in there N79, as long as you are fighting you are winning. It sucks so much when your illness gets on the way of trying to live your life and having fun, but you are so right that our horses are such great therapy.

Keep fighting, keep winning


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## jaydee

Didn't he deal with all that stuff going on at the sale really well - I would have bought him if I'd been there looking for a horse
Depression is awful - its like an enemy living in your head - but you can beat it


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## nikelodeon79

Had a great "therapy session" tonight!


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## nikelodeon79




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## jaydee

He looks such a kind, laid back horse, I can see why he gives you confidence
I will make one negative comment though - that saddle you have on him is pitching you forwards - possibly designed for jumping because I have one that does exactly the same thing to me which makes it not great for general schooling in a low level dressage way


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## nikelodeon79

Yes it is a jumping saddle. Unfortunately I cannot afford another saddle at the moment.  Just found out that we owe $1300 more in state taxes. Ugh. 

I'll be saving up, though, as soon as the darn taxes get paid off!


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## jaydee

Please don't mention taxes!!! Property tax due soon and I struggle to see what we get for our money


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## nikelodeon79

Luckily we escrow our property taxes or we'd be screwed in that area, as well. We live in WI and work in MN and since they got rid of tax reciprocity between the two states, it's been a huge headache. Seriously considering moving to MN because the taxes are so much lower there. We actually got a small refund from MN... In WI we've already paid in and apparently have to pay in more.  

I miss the days of youth when I actually looked forward to tax season and planned all the ways I would spend my refund check. *sigh*


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## nikelodeon79

Another, longer video. (Lots of "commentary" by my trainer - to another rider - and by my 3 year old so turn off the sound if you want).


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## jaydee

He is so good and learning fast considering how green he looked when you first saw him
Is he an OTTB? I thought he was but maybe not


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## nikelodeon79

Yes, he is an OTTB. Ran seven races, only did well in the first one.  He last raced in 2010. 

I've always wanted an OTTB, but also wanted a calm, quiet mount. With Striker, I got the best of both worlds!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I accidentally bought a saddle.

How does one accidentally buy a saddle? Well... if you spend too much time on ebay browsing saddles, you might "accidentally" place a low ball bid because there's just no way you won't get outbid.

I didn't get outbid. 

Well, at least I didn't buy a horse or three this time. Just a saddle. And, really, I NEED a saddle. 

Picked up a Thornhill JC Vienna for $160... however it will only be a good deal if it FITS. Fingers crossed.


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> I accidentally bought a saddle.
> 
> How does one accidentally buy a saddle? Well... if you spend too much time on ebay browsing saddles, you might "accidentally" place a low ball bid because there's just no way you won't get outbid.
> 
> I didn't get outbid.
> 
> Well, at least I didn't buy a horse or three this time. Just a saddle. And, really, I NEED a saddle.
> 
> Picked up a Thornhill JC Vienna for $160... however it will only be a good deal if it FITS. Fingers crossed.



BTDT, and if it fits and is in good condition you have a screaming good deal there my friend, congrats...


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## jaydee

The last time I went to a horse sale I accidentally bought a horse
Hope the saddle fits - and he is a wonderful example of why OTTB's don't deserve the bad reputation they often get


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## nikelodeon79

My impulse buy arrived today.  










I rode in it tonight and it looked/felt pretty good. Maybe a smidge small for me but I can deal. I felt like it put me in a better position than the jumping saddle. 

The neighbors started shooting off fireworks while I was riding tonight. Striker was unfazed. I love this horse!


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## jaydee

Video?


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## nikelodeon79

Nobody was there to video. Maybe next ride!

The fact that no-one was there was another breakthrough. I've been afraid to ride alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

So excited! The track photographer got back to me with Striker's win photos! I ordered a print. 

Strike A Note - HodgesPhotography


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## nikelodeon79

Another day, another lesson!

We did well, but I have a tendency to lose my position and Striker slows way down because of it. At first I thought I he was slowing down and then I was trying to urge him on and breaking position, but my trainer said that he's slowing BECAUSE I'm breaking position.

I was pretty much the worst one in the lesson today. It was a bit disheartening, but I try not to compare myself to others. My friend, who has been really down on herself, did quite well. She was pretty much the superstar of the lesson and she REALLY needed the positive experience. 

Striker's "girlfriend" (a gorgeous Andalusian/Perch mare that he pastures with) was in our lesson today and she is so much fun to watch. She and my friend's horse were the "advanced" horses in the lesson today. 

There were two other ladies in the lesson, and they were both riding school horses. They were in English saddles for the first time, so it was hard not to get down on myself when my trainer told the one girl she'd be ready for jumping the next lesson. However, I have to remember that she has been riding for awhile and her position is naturally solid. Plus, she was on a superstar school horse who pretty much knows the drill. 

I still have a lot of bad habits and insecurities to break through, and Striker, while he's super willing, doesn't have a lot of training. So, I'm just going to focus on the fact that a fun, interesting lesson where Striker and I both learned something new. 

My saddle woes continue... both saddles I have have very little wither clearance. If I go any narrower, it's going to be too tight in the shoulder. When I try to use a wither pad, the "rolls" along the edges jack the saddle up so it sits downhill. 

Going to try a few more pad combinations... can't afford custom right now. Maybe in August when the work bonuses kick in!

Of course then I'll need to decide... dressage or AP?


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## nikelodeon79

My son, Noah, and Striker have a really cool relationship.

Noah is three and is a tiny little dude. I would imagine horses look pretty huge to him, and he tends to be pretty leery around them. There's just something about Striker that puts him at ease, however, and he just loves coming to the stable. The only horse he really pays any attention to is Striker, and Striker is the only horse he will pet. 

The feeling seems to be mutual. 



















Some may frown on me for this but I helped Noah feed some treats to Striker. I cannot believe how gentle Striker was! He was so very careful not to get any little fingers instead of treats. 










A friend of mine has already chided me for hand feeding treats... particularly showing Noah how to hand feed treats. Her words were, "Not all horses will be as gentle as Striker."

While she is absolutely right, at this point in time the only horse he's interested in going near is Striker, and he's never unattended for even a second at the stable, so I don't really see the harm. It's cool to see the relationship between these two!

Noah has asked a couple of times to "ride Striker," but has been afraid when I actually put him on so I took him right down. I'm not going to push things... if he wants to ride when he's older that's fantastic, but if a cute friendship between horse and boy is as far as it goes, I'm perfectly fine with that. Horses do make the best of friends.


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## jaydee

As long as Noah is educated by you to understand that he can't feed treats to all horses - only when allowed under your supervision - I don't see a problem with allowing him to give one to Strider
You'll be monitoring the horses behavior after all - if you started to see a problem starting you'd be on it ASAP


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## nikelodeon79

Got back in the saddle tonight after a bit of a layoff. Not by choice.. life just got in the way.

I had an AWESOME ride. I felt the most relaxed I've felt in awhile. I added a cashel pad and it gave much better wither clearance. Striker was more forward and definitely picked up on my relaxed mood, in a good way. 

I also might have signed up for the jump clinic my barn is hosting in a couple weeks. *whistles innocently* My trainer thinks we're ready, and the clinician is very beginner friendly.

Now we just have to canter.


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## jaydee

Jumping now eh?
Accidentally!!!!!!


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## Golden Horse

WHOOT, good for you, you can nail that canter, and jumping!! I want to see pics of both.

I have no problem with teaching kiddies how to feed a treat safely, your pic shows just the way I was taught, so gets a thumbs UP from me.


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## nikelodeon79

LOL, Well... my trainer told me to sign up... so I did!

Planning on cantering during the lesson this weekend.... nervously excited! Striker tends to throw his head up pretty high when cantering, but other than that he's pretty good. I just have to remember not to panic.


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## Golden Horse

Remember head up is fine for now, at least you have no danger of a buck! You have this, lots of deep breathing, or sing, we had one of our 'older not so brave group' get her first lope in ages last Saturday, and we were all singing along to help her, and she did it...we were all very proud of her.

I have a new challenge lined up for the weekend as well, I am nervous and excited, but not sharing until after the event:wink:


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## jaydee

Head up is better than head down!!!!
I rode Willow last night for the first time since her lameness problem and Cushings diagnosis - have to say it was uneventful considering what a witch she's been on the lunge


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## nikelodeon79

Golden Horse said:


> Remember head up is fine for now, at least you have no danger of a buck!





jaydee said:


> Head up is better than head down!!!!


Why didn't I think of that? That's going to help me not be so darn nervous. Thanks, ladies!



> You have this, lots of deep breathing, or sing, we had one of our 'older not so brave group' get her first lope in ages last Saturday, and we were all singing along to help her, and she did it...we were all very proud of her.


That's AWESOME! I want to be in your group.  I do have a pretty good lesson group, though... a few adult re-riders and the occasional kid. 



> I have a new challenge lined up for the weekend as well, I am nervous and excited, but not sharing until after the event:wink:


TEASE! Can't wait to hear/read more about it!



> I rode Willow last night for the first time since her lameness problem and Cushings diagnosis - have to say it was uneventful considering what a witch she's been on the lunge


Fantastic! I had a cushings pony and I remember feeling like he was living a second colt-hood after we started treatment. He had many more years of riding and pony-tude after he was diagnosed and started on pergolide.


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## jaydee

Thanks for the pergolide info - she's in her senior years now but otherwise not in bad shape other than I have to watch out for the tendon she damaged a few years ago and seems to have left a bit of weakness if she over does it before she's in regular work - usually bashing around the field!!
Did you find your pony stopped growing so much coat when he was on it? I've had to clip her all over this summer.


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## nikelodeon79

He shed like a normal horse after starting pergolide. I got mine from a veterinary compounding facility. MUCH cheaper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

I hope that happens to Willow then - I don't enjoy clipping that much!!!
I've noticed that her huge appetite has started to recede - she seemed to be ravenous all the time to the extent that was quite manic about food - never aggressive at all just 'over the top' and would eat non stop and attack her feed as if she'd been starved for years


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## HoustonWeHaveAProblem

I just stumbled upon this thread while and started at page 1 and haven't turned way all afternoon while reading!! You have an incredible talent of writing, I only wish I could articulate my feelings the way you do, incredible!

Second, I am completely 100% in a similar situation as you were with OB. I've ridden most of my life but always on a friends horse, trainers horse, whatever I could hop on. I've never had formal lessons, learned what I know by listening/watching/reading and finally at age 24 purchased my own horse. He's a beautiful 16 HH paint gelding. His previous owner rode him all over Montana on cattle drives and he's been there done that. While he's seen it all, he lacks respect on the ground (has always taken care of me when I've been in saddle) but the few run in's we've had have been just enough to make me a nervous wreck (with ONLY him..ugh). 

The past few weeks I've been riding other people's horses again (funny how my confidence is fine on a horse I have no history with!) but have played with the idea of selling him. After reading your thread and others wonderful posts filled with encouragement and advice..I think I know what I need to do. 

I am so happy for you and how far you have come! Your new boy seems to be smitten with you, I can't wait to continue to read about your adventure!!


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## nikelodeon79

Awww thanks! I enjoy writing. 

I'm glad my thread could help you out. Good luck.. Sometimes the right decisions are the hardest ones to make.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Golden Horse

> Quote:
> I have a new challenge lined up for the weekend as well, I am nervous and excited, but not sharing until after the event:wink:
> TEASE! Can't wait to hear/read more about it!


There you go.:wink:

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/golden-horse-bit-broken-update-346002/page2/#post5937090


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## nikelodeon79

Golden Horse said:


> There you go.:wink:
> 
> http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/golden-horse-bit-broken-update-346002/page2/#post5937090


I posted over there, but I'll also post here. AWESOME JOB!!!

It looks like I won't be doing the jump clinic after all. It is full... and I could continue to be on the waitlist but I believe they're going to be doing mostly cross country and... well.. stay tuned.

Today I had a lesson. We did a lot of trot work where we were speeding them up and slowing them down. I discovered that Striker does indeed have some get up and go... I think he would've easily broken into a canter, had I asked. 

But we were doing trot work, so I didn't. :wink:

My trainer said I don't know my own strength and was "goosing" him so that's why he was getting high headed and acting out a bit. It was nothing major.. just enough to get my heart fluttering a bit. All in all, it was a great lesson. 

THEN the trainer said we were going out into the cross country field. 

My heart began to race, my palms got sweaty... pretty much the beginning of a panic attack.

My trainer went through what to do if a horse bolts/spooks, which is a very reasonable thing to do when bringing a group out into the field for the first time.

Of course that made me panic more. 

I told her that I was pretty nervous. Really I was looking for her to tell me I didn't have to go. My trainer is awesome, though. She knows when to push me so I don't let my fears defeat or control me. 

We went out into the field. 

I discovered that I do, indeed, have a Thoroughbred. 

Now before you get concerned about Nikelodeon getting a bit broken, there was no bolting or spooking across the field. There was no Nikelodeon splattered on the ground.

Thank goodness. 

Striker really did great, considering how tense I was. He was a bit high-headed (head up is better than head down!) and big eyed when we first walked outside the confines of the arena but nothing major. We learned how to walk up and down a bank, and he did great.

It was the waiting in between obstacles that he didn't like. Okay, so if I'm honest I didn't like it. I just always keep thinking.. what if? What if something spooks him? What if he takes off?

I suppose my fear may be due to the fact that one of my horses was a bolter when I was young. I got tossed once in the middle of a field, once on top of a truck topper that was lying on the ground, once in a neighbor's field (I should note that I had no intention of riding in that particular field) and once on the blacktop road (did you know that heads bounce when they hit the pavement? I do). 

Striker got a bit "Thoroughbreddy." Prancing, dancing sideways, etc. It was probably partly because I was tense and clamping down, and partly because it was a new and exciting event for him. 

Next we walked over one of the logs in the field. As Striker and I were heading sideways towards the log, my trainer reminded me of something. 

"Nicki, you KNOW how to steer. Take a breath, relax and take control." 

So, I did. The rest of the ride went great, including a walk across the entire field. 

Then, I went back to the barn, untacked, took care of my awesome horse and crossed my name off the jump clinic waitlist. I'm a bit sad, but I know it was the right thing. I need to push myself... but not too hard. Striker and I aren't ready. 

Someday, though, we will be.


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## Golden Horse

It sounds like you had a great day overall, and deciding that you aren't ready for something is a good thing, congrats for pushing yourself out into the field, and deciding not to do the clinic.

I watched a friend ride her OTTB for the first time today, he is only 3 weeks off the track, the catch rider at the barn has ridden him a couple of times. He was all head up as well, but didn't try and run off with her, he just had this look of, "This is the smallest track I ever did run on. She sad he was so comfortable, and such fun. Oh, one to think about, the little trail ride I went on a few weeks ago, there was a youngster on an OTTB, when we first walked out of the arena he got very sideways on her, and she got very worried, so they just put a rope on him and someone ponied him, he calmed right down, maybe a trick to try while you both get used to being out.



nikelodeon79 said:


> My trainer is awesome, though. She knows when to push me so I don't let my fears defeat or control me.


I have one of those, she has this look and way of saying "You have this, you can do it" that makes me believe I can. She also has a great look and a wonderful silence when I get a bit ahead of myself and she waits for me to change my mind.


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## Katz1411

Lovely blog, very nice read! I do like that Obie was named for a beer/brewery from my state


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## nikelodeon79

Katz1411 said:


> Lovely blog, very nice read! I do like that Obie was named for a beer/brewery from my state


Lol yep! The person I bought him from said it's her favorite brewery. 

Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I've been neglecting my journal!

In this case, no news is good news. Striker and I have been doing great. Summer has been busy, but I've been getting out to ride around 2x per week. 

Tonight I rode and it was the first time I've ridden in the arena by myself. Striker was a bit high headed at first so I started to sing... mostly to calm MYSELF down. Striker seemed to like it, anyway. We both calmed down.  

Worked on posting trot, two point and sitting trot. The sitting trot has been a real challenge for me because it involves RELAXING. I'm actually starting to get it. 

A friend and I switched horses the last time I rode. Striker was pretty high headed and forward for her.. too forward. She asked what she was doing wrong (he's always super lazy for me) and I asked if she had lower leg on him. There's another OTTB at the barn that always acted like that with too much leg.

She didn't think she had much leg on him but boy did he react. She took her leg completely off him and he did great! I think she has a more "correct" riding position than I do and he's just not used to feeling that much leg. 

Meanwhile, I was riding Smarty (my friend's horse) and he was acting lazy like Striker. I believe I tend to "clamp down" and tighten up while riding which makes horses like Striker, Smarty and Turner (one of my favorite lesson horses) shut down a little. Horses like Obie and General (my other favorite lesson horse) tend to get annoyed by it and get faster. 

So, apparently I need to work on how to isolate my leg muscles. When I'm trying to ask Striker to speed up by putting leg on him, I end up tightening up my thighs as well. Basically, I'm telling him to slow down and speed up. Good thing he's got a heart of gold or he'd get fed up and dump my fat butt in the dirt!

I'm going to have a private lesson on Monday and I'll ask my trainer to help me work on that particular issue.  Striker will go back into 2x per week training with my trainer once she is finished with the pasture (got to get that fill in to try and combat the mud next season!!). 

This weekend is the Ashland County Fair. It was what I LIVED for as a kid. I got my first horse at age 11 two short weeks before the fair and I was bound and determined to bring him. We ended up winning ribbons in the halter classes and standing in the middle for the riding classes watching all of the other kids go around us. I didn't care, though, I was livin' the dream!

I went to that show every year... it was the only show I could attend because my family didn't have a horse trailer. The fairgrounds are within riding distance to my parents' place. When I got older, I started assisting with the show until I became the co-organizer. A couple of years I handled the organizing on my own. 

It's been about 7 years since I last showed. MAN do I miss it. It wasn't ever about the ribbons... it was just so much fun!

The past few years, I've acted as ring steward for the judge. It's a lot of fun and I have learned a lot. Still... I miss showing. This year it's even worse because I actually have a horse I COULD show (at least in walk/trot classes), but I have no way to get there. 

Maybe next year.


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## Golden Horse

Glad to hear all is well. Now start planning next years showing, what are you going to enter, where, and how are you going to get there. If you have a plan you will make it happen:wink:


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## jaydee

Nice to hear how things are going along with you and Striker
The leg thing - you have to remember that racehorses aren't used to having a leg hanging down their sides so its something they need to learn to deal with like an unbroken horse does
I'm sure he already has trust in you and your style of riding seems to suit him so don't worry, he'll get there


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## nikelodeon79

I want to post about fun at the fair, but first I have to talk about my lesson today. 

It was sort of an "intro to jumping" lesson. We worked on our approach, timing and depart from the "jump" (ground poles). Four poles were set up in the arena to teach us how to stop relying on the rail and learn the correct approach. 

Striker was a superstar. I need a bit of work.  I tend to try and "lift" him over by straightening up when we get over the pole. I guess that's what my trainer means by "don't ride the pole!" 

We had a lot of fun because it was all adults in the lesson, so my trainer got to be very... descriptive about what we were supposed to be doing with our various body parts. Apparently I need to concentrate on "tassles" (a Jim Graham saying, LOL). 

All in all, it was a great lesson and I learned a ton. Got to spend some quality time with Striker afterward... just an awesome day at the barn.

Also... I might have lost a bit of control in the saddle department. I'm waiting on a Stubben Parzival AP saddle for a trial... and I think I might have just also bought a Kieffer dressage. Whoops!!


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## nikelodeon79

*The County Fair*

Now on to the Fair!

First of all it rained. A lot. THIS is what the arena looked like:










No joke. THAT is what the exhibitors rode in. That's what I slogged around in as the ring steward. 

Still, we had fun. Walk/trot classes only (though the day before they were GAMING in that muck! :shock: ). We had a new judge this year and she was a lot of awesome. She competes in jumping, so I'm sure it was... interesting for her to judge our very small, mainly western show. She was great with the 4-Hers and other exhibitors. Everyone basically got a free lesson from her. 

I decided then and there that, no matter what, I'm going to bring Striker next year. I'm actually glad I didn't bring him this year, though, because there is no way I would've ridden in that slop. Part of my plan in bringing him next year involves fundraising to improve the arena. :wink:

It's funny how a trip to the County Fair really brings back memories. I used to show every year there. I showed my first pony two short weeks after I bought him. I brought a very green Cody and pretty much raced the other horses around the arena. I brought Royale, who was basically untrained but trusted me enough to let me ride. 

It's almost like those memories gave me a boost of confidence. On the drive home, I even had myself half-convinced that I should re-start Obie and train him western, so I can compete in the English classes with Striker and in the western classes with Obie. 

:lol:

Well, it's a fun dream, anyway. Maybe someday I will have enough confidence and skill to ride Obie. Maybe not. Either way, I'm happy with Striker and think he can take me anywhere I want to go.


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## Golden Horse

Love the updates, funny I was doing trot poles with Gibbs the other day, much to his disgust..when do we get pics of your new saddles? Subben and Kieffer? you sure know how to shop.:lol:

So glad that you are planning next years season with Striker, and he can do both Western and English you know, leave Obie where he is, that was a good decision, and you are having fun now, cherish that feeling and keep moving onward.


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## jaydee

Nice to read your updates
That ring looks like it was laid out for mud wrestling!!
I agree with GH - Leave Obie alone!!!


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## nikelodeon79

Thanks, guys, I needed that! Obie will stay happily retired!

Here are my little splurges:
Stubben: 









Kieffer: 










Will post pics of them on Striker (and maybe updated video of me riding) when they arrive!


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## nikelodeon79

On a much more somber note... 

My retired QH gelding, Cody, seems to have gone downhill overnight. He went from being a perfect weight, still enjoying the occasional canter around the pasture, to being thin and wanting to spend most of his time in the barn.  

Going to try to get the vet out tomorrow... really afraid of what we might find. If it's something simple that can be fixed so he's comfortable and gains weight again, that's one thing... but with winter coming I'm afraid I might have to make a difficult decision. I have had two horses that have gone down unexpectedly and suddenly in the winter months... both ended with the horses being put down. While emotionally it was "easier" for me to deal with not having to make that awful decision, it was still very traumatic and not fair at all to the horses. 

So... My sweet, amazing Cody might be leaving me soon. This is the worst part of horse ownership. I hate it.


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## jaydee

So sorry to hear that. 
Yes it is the real downside of horse ownership


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## nikelodeon79

Vet wasn't available today, but I went to my parents anyway to see how he's doing. Seems okay, still goes out and eats quite frequently and is able to chew grain/treats. The vet thinks he may just be overdue for a floating. He will be coming out next week to check him out and float his teeth. 

Now I'm doing the "to blanket or not to blanket" debate with myself. I never blanketed before I boarded. Obie was blanketed at the boarding stable and Striker was as well. Cody has never been blanketed... but now that he's older I'm wondering if it would be a good idea... hmmm...


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## jaydee

If he's old, losing weight and maybe either not eating enough or struggling to digest his food properly then even if he has a thickish coat I would blanket and monitor carefully - in case he feels sweaty/too warm. maybe he will just need one for night time or really bad weather - rain's the worst


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## nikelodeon79

Was able to look at his teeth and the top fronts are very worn. I do not think he can graze. This is a recent development because he was in great shape all summer.

Wasn't able to see his back teeth but I'm guessing they are also in bad shape. He was not able to eat the small amount of hay I hand fed him. I soaked his senior feed and he had no trouble with that.

My problem is this: I live over an hour away. Daily care by me is not an option. My parents will be feeding him, but it's hard for my mom to get out there in the winter. 

At this point I plan to see what the vet has to say. I know some kids in the area (17 and 23) that I will approach about paying them to feed/blanket.


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## Golden Horse

First of all Big hugs for you, having to deal with our loved animals as they age is always so difficult. Yes it is the worst part of animal ownership, when you start thinking about having to make difficult decisions, but I believe though each one takes a chunk of your heart as they leave, they have added far more into it than they ever take with them. I read someone expressing the same view about dogs, and she reckoned that she will have a heart that is 100% dog by the time she is done.

When it comes to the oldies, yes you can supplement, have soaked feed available, and blanket to keep them warm, all these things are quite doable, but may become difficult because of teh distance for you, and you are relying on others.

I can't remember where you are based, but what are your winters like? I for one would give serious thought to my choices at this stage, how old is your guy? It may be an unpopular thought, but there is a lot to be said for a planned departure, on a quiet calm day in the fall, while the sun still holds some heat, and life is still kind to the old guy. It somehow seems a better option than an emergency type decision in the middle of winter, when an old friend has given up, and can't face the struggle. 

I wasn't given the option of choice for my old girl, she was wobbly but fine in the fall, I thought she would go on for years, but when she slipped an fell overnight in the ice, and couldn't get herself up again, well that was when she gave up. Although we got her up, and were getting her body back, I knew that she had given up, and we let her go. You know that saying, better a day to soon than an hour too late, it is very true.

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but just saying that for me quality of life is more important than quantity.


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## jaydee

I'm with GH on this - hard as it seems. I regret not letting a really old pony we had go sooner because by the time we did he was an emergency case. Things can go wrong so fast when they get old and can't eat properly


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## nikelodeon79

I'm in Northern Wisconsin. Winters here are awful. Last year was horrendous.. This year is supposed to be the same. 

I lost both of my Arabs in the middle of winter, unexpectedly. Selfishly, though, in a way losing them was easier than when I chose to put my pony down.

My head knows it's not fair to put him through winter when I know it will be difficult for him. My heart, though....

He's 25 and I really thought I had a few good years left with him. When I brought Obie there, Cody was galloping around the pasture like a young colt.

Now, though... I just don't know. I guess I'll see what my vet has to say. I love my vet.. He will always tell it to me straight.

I have a terrible feeling he's going to tell me what I don't want to hear.


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## Chessie

I'm so sorry you're at this point with him. It is clear you love him very much. Hugs.


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## nikelodeon79

One of my new saddles arrived on Thursday, but of course it needed a signature so it wasn't delivered. I went into work late on Friday so I could swing by the post office and pick it up. 

Then, of course, I had to leave work early so I could try it out.  

There happened to be a lesson scheduled to begin not long after I got to the barn, so of course I had to join. It also happened to be a beginning jump lesson.

It was an AMAZING lesson. I really liked the saddle and felt like his back was swinging a bit more freely. This is the first saddle I've tried that actually has some wither clearance. Plus, I feel like it puts me in a great position. I took fit pics tonight (currently uploading) to send to the person I bought it from (she does saddle restoration, etc. and offers a trial period on her saddles). 

Anyway, we did a jumping grid (poles on the ground) that my instructor likened to gymnastics for the horses. It was a pole, then a couple strides, then four trot poles, then a couple strides and another pole. Striker did AMAZING. I didn't do too shabby, either. My instructor actually used me as an example of solid leg position in two point. I was pretty excited!

Striker really seemed to perk up and I think he enjoyed the lesson. I think we're going to like jumping!


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## nikelodeon79

Vet visit went great this morning! The vet said he sees no reason why Cody can't graze and eat hay now that his teeth are done. He said he's in great condition and thinks he will do just fine this winter.  I'm so relieved!

Scout (the younger of the Stinky Ponies) got gelded today. Hoping to start training soon.


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## Golden Horse

Great news hope he has a long and happy life


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## nikelodeon79

I ALMOST cantered Striker tonight. 

Here's the thing... I think I forgot how to cue for/ride the canter!

I rode in the Kieffer dressage tonight... WOW do I love it! It fits him perfectly and was surprisingly comfortable for me. Was worried about the seat being too small, but it was just right.  

So, now I have an AP and a dressage... I'm all set. (But, of course, I was online shopping for saddle pads, etc. tonight. It's an addiction). 

Anyway, back to the "almost canter." I was considering trying the canter during my whole ride tonight. Another horse passed us at the canter, so I figured that was an opportune time to give it a go. However, I "lost the steering wheel" as my trainer is fond of saying. Completely forgot to steer, and he started heading for a jump that was set up in the arena.

Apparently he likes to jump. 

I recovered, steered him AWAY from the jump (was a bit too high for our first "real" jump) and decided I'm going to wait for my trainer to be there for our first canter... so she can tell me what I'm doing wrong!

Plus... it's been a few months since he's cantered and I think I'd rather have my trainer give him a refresher first. He will be going back into training within the next couple of weeks. My goal over the winter is to have my trainer ride him 1-2x per week and I will take one private and one group lesson per week. 

Hopefully by next summer, we'll be ready for the Mary Schenk jump clinics. We host 2-3 clinics each summer.  

As far as the short term is concerned, October 5th is the "playdate" with gymkhana games. Striker and I will be in the walk/trot classes. 

Wish us luck!


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## nikelodeon79

When I drove up to the barn for my lesson today, the trainer was working with another class in the cross country field. I figured that meant my class would be in the field as well.

I immediately got nervous.

I gave myself a stern talking to. "How are you ever going to conquer your fears if you don't face them?"

When the trainer was through with that lesson, I asked her if we were going in the field, too.

She said we weren't.

Instead of feeling relieved, I was actually disappointed. 

"We can go in the field. I'm OK," I surprised myself by saying.

"Great!"

Dear sweet Jesus, we're going in the field.

My wonderful, amazing trainer asked one of her advanced students to saddle up a calm lesson pony. Her sole job was to be Striker's babysitter, to help him (and me) stay calm. 

We did a mini trail ride around the obstacles and near the edge of the woods at a walk.

By the end of the ride, we were trotting around, going over a few small logs. 

Striker did AMAZING! He only had one small "Thoroughbreddy moment," and do you know what?

I wasn't afraid.


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## DreaMy

Good for you!

I definitely know that "Dear sweet Jesus" moment... (especially when I agree to ride a new horse -- I know I am physically capable but getting on the same page mentally is tough)


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## nikelodeon79

Next Sunday is the playdate at the stable. It's definitely a good thing that I got over my fear of the field because Striker and I will have to be outside the arena while waiting for our turn. We're going to do walk trot, but it's still a big step for us and something I've been wanting to participate in since I started taking lessons at the barn. Last year, I watched Helen ride Obie.

This year, I get to ride.


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> I wasn't afraid.













That is some feeling isn't it? So happy for you


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## tinyliny

good for you! you have a Braveheart!


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## nikelodeon79

Playdate got postponed.  The arena is too wet. Plus, it's supposed to be in the 40s on Sunday. 

I'm super bummed, though, because it got rescheduled for the 19th and I'm busy in the morning. Oh well... at least I'll be able to join in the afternoon. 

Striker and I had our first private lesson. It went really well! He was nervous beforehand... all the horses were a bit flighty due to the weather change. My trainer asked if I wanted her to get on him first, but he'd calmed down by then so I passed on her offer.

Did you hear that? I PASSED on her offer to ride him first. A year ago, that would've never happened. I would've had her ride him and if he was nervous... I would have had to force myself into that saddle. 

He was nervous when I first got on but I stayed calm, so he calmed down. We worked on 20 meter circles. I learned that he's a lot better to the left than he is to the right, and consequently so am I. My trainer was riding one of her training horses, and it really helped me to have the visual of her in front of me. Then, when she would leave me on the circle on my own, I was able to keep it going well. 

Sunday I'll do another lesson.


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## jaydee

You seem to have found a really amazing trainer.


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## nikelodeon79

jaydee said:


> You seem to have found a really amazing trainer.


Yes, I definitely did! 

Had my second private lesson today. I discovered something important:

THERE'S NOWHERE TO HIDE! :shock: :lol:

I enjoy group lessons, but one thing that's really cool in private lessons is that her focus is all on me, so the instant I start doing something wrong, she catches it and corrects me. As a result, I think my bad habits will begin to fade more quickly. 

But WOW am I sore!

More 20 meter circles today, because Striker struggles with bending and I struggle with cuing him to bend. I really started to feel it when he was doing it right today. My timing is definitely getting better. 

I have a brand new white dressage pad in my bedroom at home. Tonight I looked at it and realized I'm someday going to take it out of the package and use it... at my first show. I know we still have a long ways to go, but we're getting there. And the journey is the best part.


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## nikelodeon79

Another great riding lesson yesterday (serpentines!) and a quick shopping trip today. Annual clearance sale at the tack store, and amazingly enough the Mountain Horse winter riding pants and Irideon riding tights I've been eyeing for months were STILL THERE. So, they went home with me for 50% less than if I'd bought them when I first tried them on. 

Made the mistake of going into the main store where there was 20% off regular priced merchandise and accidentally bought this (in the lovely brown color):

Mountain Horse® Windsor Riding Jacket - Mountain Horse USA, Horse ...

I actually bought it to wear to work... but how can I NOT use it for riding? I mean.. it's made for riding! 

I'm gearing up for another long, cold winter. I plan to spend as much time in the saddle as possible. No excuses! (Well... maybe -40*F might be a decent excuse, but let's hope we don't get too many of those days!)

My trainer rode Striker today and cantered him. She said he did amazing.  

Next weekend is the playdate. I'm still bummed I don't get to participate in the whole thing, but maybe it's better for us not to get too overwhelmed with our first "show." All day in the saddle might be a bit much for both of us, but a few hours should be manageable.


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## nikelodeon79

Had an amazing solo ride on Striker today. It was the best ride I've had without my trainer present. I actually felt like we were accomplishing something rather than just going in circles. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I think I'm destined to not do the playdate this fall. 

We've had to postpone yet again... it keeps raining a few days before the scheduled date and soaking the arena. Rescheduled for October 26th. Again, I'm only available in the afternoon but that's better than nothing. Fingers crossed the weather cooperates!

Rode Striker again. I went in the indoor... at night... while it was dark... by myself. 

Talk about facing my fears!

Striker did amazing, as usual. Had some trouble with tripping, which may be his greenness, or his feet (not too sure about the quality of the farrier work), or that he's getting used to his new shoes. 

My trainer came up to the arena after I'd been riding for a bit and shehad a new student in for lessons. She actually used ME as a GOOD example! I was so proud.  We even did some sitting trot to demonstrate moving with the horse. 

I have a lesson tomorrow evening and possibly on Sunday... I'm thinking since the playdate is cancelled my trainer will have a group lesson. Tomorrow's lesson is another private... so I'm prepared to be tired and painful. As I tell my trainer, it's a GOOD hurt!


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> Made the mistake of going into the main store where there was 20% off regular priced merchandise and *accidentally bought this *(in the lovely brown color):
> 
> Mountain Horse® Windsor Riding Jacket - Mountain Horse USA, Horse ...
> 
> I actually bought it to wear to work... but how can I NOT use it for riding? I mean.. it's made for riding!


:rofl::rofl: I'm glad that happens to you as well....

SO sorry about the playday, **** weather will not cooperate anywhere this year. Glad to read about your good rides, you are doing so well.


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## nikelodeon79

TACK SWAP TOMORROW!!! I wonder how much I'll accidentally buy? :lol:

I'm actually going to try and SELL a few things, but my trainer just happened to mention that I might want to "eventually" buy a new bridle.

Tomorrow is "eventually," right?


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> TACK SWAP TOMORROW!!! I wonder how much I'll accidentally buy? :lol:
> 
> I'm actually going to try and SELL a few things, but my trainer just happened to mention that I might want to "eventually" buy a new bridle.
> *
> Tomorrow is "eventually," right?*


Definitely, when I went to a tack swap I sold $600 worth of stuff and only spent $150, a real win win.

Good luck I hope you have a good selling and buying day


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## ohmyitschelle

I just sat here and read this whole thread!
I loved learning about your ups and downs, they made me relate to you in some ways.
I'm a nervous rider myself so I get the convincing yourself out of doing something before you even get there to do it. I've had to do a lot of pushing and generally end up with good results from doing it... but it's as if my mind doesn't quite remember that! 
I'm currently teaching my friend how to trot and I'm great at pushing her, knowing when to push, when to back off... if only I could do the same for myself in the saddle.
This thread has inspired me, and I love the way you write your encounters. They enticed me in to keep reading!!


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## nikelodeon79

Aww, thanks for the kind words, ohmy!


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## nikelodeon79

WE CANTERED!

Okay, so it was an accident, and only for two strides..

BUT WE CANTERED!

First off, the tack swap was fun... and not as much of a bust as last year (-30*F, sold one $10 item). I sold $65 worth of items for me, $25 for another girl, and $15 for my trainer/BO. REALLY wanted to sell a saddle or two but, oh well! I bought a nice used pair of laced reins for $15, so that was good. Plus, the BO at the tack swap makes AMAZING chicken soup so I got a bowl of that. 

On to today. 

I was super bummed because I had to miss the morning events because I had to lead worship (I'm the worship leader at my church, and I'd taken the weekend off when it was originally scheduled, but then the playdate ended up getting postponed... twice. Gotta love Minnesota weather!). 

Anyway, the show went quicker than anticipated and by the time I got tacked up and ready, there were only three events left. I warmed up in the deserted indoor and Striker did phenomenal, despite the commotion outside. I actually was brave enough to ride him out of the indoor into the field. He did pretty good once we got up to the group, but he didn't like standing and was getting pretty prancey so I decided to dismount. There were a lot of kids, horses and dogs milling about and I was afraid we'd step on someone (plus, at least one person falls of at every playdate and I did NOT want to be the one!!)!

Our first event was pole bending. Striker did so well.. really listened to my cues. We were in walk/trot and ended up tying for fifth. We got a pretty pink ribbon. 

We also took home a pink ribbon in the keyhole. Striker went right through those poles like a trooper. That's the class he cantered in, but not enough strides to DQ us (which also means he was really listening when I checked him back).

Our final event was the candy race, which is really more about getting candy than time. All of the riders (w/t, novice and open) were judged together. We didn't place, but again Striker did great. 

All in all, it was a great day that was over too soon. Can't wait for the next playday... and next year we'll also be doing some clinics.


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## Golden Horse

Hey pink ribbons, and where are the pics?

Even better that he was listening to you well done


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## jaydee

It's so lovely to hear that you're having fun with Striker, must feel great after all the ups and downs (lots of downs) with Obie


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## nikelodeon79

I did not get any pics of us.  I will have to at least get a picture of him with his pretty pink ribbons, though!


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## nikelodeon79

My trainer rode Striker in the field today. Her report was: "He did really really really well."


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I had a group lesson on Saturday. My comment to my trainer was this:

"What happened to my horse!!!"

Her reply?

"You put him in training! He wants to be a DRESSAGE HORSE!"



Striker was really forward... moving very nicely and without any of the hesitation I'd been feeling previously. It was AWESOME and SCARY all at the same time. Once I relaxed and rode him without tensing up and "hanging on for dear life," as my trainer put it, I had a lot of fun. 

We worked on trotting over a pole and then it was time for some canter work.

CANTER WORK, you ask?

Well... don't get too excited. We didn't canter. My instructions were to encourage him to canter, but not to push it if he didn't go into the canter immediately. My trainer's concern (and mine!) is that I'll panic and jerk on his mouth when he's going to canter. Since he's still very green in that area, we both think it's better for my trainer to get him further along before I push things.

Plus... I sort of only "half heartedly" asked for the canter. He did give me a nice extended trot, though, so he was listening to my cues.

That's one thing I love about this horse... he's so eager to please. I'm really excited about our future. 

This weekend, I'll be going with my trainer to audit a Lars Holmberg clinic she's riding in. I'm pretty excited about having a horsey weekend.


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## nikelodeon79

Another day, another lesson! My trainer worked my butt off tonight. Gonna be sore tomorrow!

Striker thinks I've been neglecting photos, particularly photos of him.

Don't I look cute in my cooler?









And won't I look fabulous in THIS?


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## nikelodeon79

nikelodeon79 said:


> This weekend, I'll be going with my trainer to audit a Lars Holmberg clinic she's riding in. I'm pretty excited about having a horsey weekend.


Change of plans. I'm going to RIDE in the clinic!

Happy dance!!!

My first clinic!

One of my trainer's horses is lame so she offered me her spot. She said, "Lars is calm and sweet. Doesn't yell and doesn't make you nervous."

That's good, because I do a pretty good job of making MYSELF nervous!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

How do I even BEGIN to explain what an amazing time I had? I'm currently suffering from "clinic withdrawal." 

Striker was a superstar from start to finish. He loaded right into the trailer and was did great through the three hour ride. Settled right in when I put him in his stall. My trainer was first to ride after lunch and I was last. It worked out great because it was much more private, because most of the other riders had left by the time it was my turn. 

Striker was a bit wide eyed when we entered the arena, but nothing major. My trainer held him for me while I mounted, which made me more comfortable. Again, lots of looking around during warm up but no actual spooking. 

Lars Holmberg is a phenomenal clinician. He has this aura of calmness that transfers to horse and rider alike. He spoke to me before my ride to get my background. I told him that I'd ridden for about 15 years, had a few accidents, quit riding and then jumped back in with both feet when I bought a horse totally unsuitable for me. I explained how I decided to get a horse with a calmer temperament that would be a better fit for me. 

At that point, Lars looked at Striker and asked, "What kind of horse is he?"

I told him Striker was an off track Thoroughbred and he said with surprise, "You wanted a calmer horse so you got a Thoroughbred?" 

I laughed and explained that Striker is much more calm than what was typical of the breed. 

The lesson itself was fantastic. We worked on position and softness. A lot of his comments were in line with what my trainer had been working on with me, but there was also some new things and some things that were presented in a different way. 

Near the end of my lesson Lars asked if I was comfortable cantering. I told him I had cantered other horses but never Striker. He seemed surprised and looked to my trainer. She told him she thought I was ready. Lars said HE thought I was ready. 

I felt ready. 

We tried to pick up the canter three times but unfortunately could not get it. I didn't want to push too hard because I started getting defensive and tense. My trainer and Lars agreed that we should back off for now. 

I think if I'd had a ride the next day we would have gotten it. I feel confident that I'm ready to canter him and we'll get it one of these days. 

Did you hear that? I FEEL CONFIDENT!

I'm officially addicted to clinics and can't wait for the spring. I can't believe I have to wait all winter to clinic again! 

We arrived home after dark on Sunday evening. Rupert, my trainers 17+ hand Belgian Warmblood, got a bit frisky during unloading. Striker and I ended up getting pushed up against the side of the trailer. My amazing horse didn't bat an eyelash. We got out of the trailer in a hurry and he calmly followed me into the groom area while Rupert got a few lessons in loading and unloading. 

Now to share a few pics:


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## jaydee

He's looking really well - and you aren't so shabby either!!!


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## nikelodeon79

Why do my horses always decide to get injured/sick when my BO is out of town?

I got a call from my BO at 8:30 a.m. I immediately knew it would not be good, as she is in Chicago and I figured she'd be too busy to call just to chat. 

One of the girls watching the barn noticed that Striker was exhibiting colic symptoms this morning (not interested in the hay, wanting to roll, etc.). When she brought him in the groom area and he started kicking and biting at his stomach. She took him up to the indoor to walk and called the BO right away.

Can I just say that the working students at my barn are phenomenal? 

After the BO told me what was going on, I called the vet and she instructed me not to give Banamine, but just to watch him and call if he didn't improve. 

I then got a call that he had attempted to urinate but was unable to, and was now sweating and shaking. Called the vet back and her and I left our respective homes at around the same time. We live in the same general area, but she beat me there. 

I have an awesome vet, too. 

By the time I arrived, the vet and all three of the working students were in the groom area and Striker was doing great. He had peed and pooped and was looking comfortable. The vet said his gut sounds were normal and his heart rate was very good. He had a very large bean in his sheath, which she removed. The girls had attempted to remove it after he had strained to pee, but Striker is very sensitive about touching around his belly/sheath area so he had to be sedated. 

I guess I wouldn't want anyone messing around there, either!

I'm going to have to work with him on allowing me to clean him more regularly (I think we can all agree that horse people are an odd bunch!), and we are going to watch him to make sure he doesn't have continued issues. The concern is that he has a bladder stone, though the vet thinks that is unlikely. 

I got home from the barn and pretty much crashed. It's scary how much this horse means to me. He exactly what I wanted and exactly what I need. I think the stress got to me... I slept for about 4 hours. 

Aaah the joys of horse ownership!


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## jaydee

I was so relieved to hear that he was OK after that scare - no colic
Striker is a wonderful example that not all TB's are nut cases - in fact most of them aren't.


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## nikelodeon79

I went to my parents' place this weekend and had a chance to spend some time with my horses there. 










I always have mixed emotions when I'm there. I love seeing my horses but at the same time I feel guilty at not seeing them more often. In my head I know they are doing just fine and are being cared for properly, but my heart? 

My heart thinks I'm failing them. 

My sweet Cody was more attentive to me then he usually is. My head tells me it's because he wanted grain, but my heart? 

My heart thinks he's nearing the end of his time and was saying goodbye.

In reality I don't believe that, but sometimes paranoia kicks in. I know the fear stems from the fact that he looks old. 


















See? Look at all that grey!

The Stinky Ponies also followed me around and I made more strides with Warrior than I ever have before. He actually seemed to enjoy the attention and I was able to rub and pet him all over. I really need to find some incentive in the spring and work on training. I think I'll wait awhile longer to start Warrior under saddle, though. He's the older of the two (he'll be four this spring), but he's so fine boned I just feel he needs more time to mature. The mental maturity isn't there, though. Scout, on the other hand, is a bit more sturdy and by temperament will make a better riding pony. I might wait to start him under saddle, though... he will only be 3 in the spring. 










My primary objective was to take a few updated pics of Obie for an interested buyer. 

Yep... you heard that right... interested buyer.

I'm struggling with this. I have never sold a horse. With Obie's issues, it's a risk. Heck, it's a risk with ANY horse. How can I be sure he won't end up in bad hands?

I can't. 

He is listed with full disclosure and I'm carefully interviewing all prospective buyers. I'm perhaps being a bit too cautious... there are a few who have inquired that I've basically dismissed due to a bad feeling in my gut. 

Over the years, though, I've learned that ignoring my gut feelings can be very bad. 

Here's an example of those I haven't considered:
1) A girl texted me and asked about his injury, because she didn't want to get stuck paying for "expensive supplements and pain pills." 

2) A man left a message on my cell, saying he wanted to buy my horse and would be "in the area" the following week. A bit of a strange manner of speaking... just made me think "kill buyer" or "scam." 

3) Upteen people who want him for barrels or "a calm trail horse" for their non-horsey husband. 

The most promising interested party is a lady who has indicated she has experience in training. I talked to her for about 45 minutes on the phone and got a really good feeling about her. We've exchanged texts and emails, as well. The photos are for her. She lives a fair bit away, though, so the reality of her buying him is likely slim. 

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about that. 

My brain knows that the smart thing to do is to sell him now. My dad is 67 years old and is having issues with his hip. As much as I'd like to deny it, he won't be there forever. He certainly won't be able to take care of my horses in the dead of winter forever. Listing an 8 year old horse with issues that hasn't been ridden in 6 months is VASTLY different then listing an 18 year old horse with issues that hasn't been ridden in 10 years. Unless I strike it rich and can afford board on multiple horses, I'd better sell him now. My head knows that.

My heart? It hasn't quite caught up yet.


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## nikelodeon79

On a related note, I did some online digging and discovered Obie's registration info. Plugged in the sire and dam and entered him into All Breed:

Pbs Dakota Diamond Paint

Here's a link to daddy's pics: Cheyenne Canyon Paints

It means little to me, as I'm not well versed in pedigrees, although he DOES trace back to Impressive so that's always something to be aware of. 

I guess knowing he's registered could make him more marketable but the fact that I do not have registration papers somewhat cancels out that bonus. It's always fun to put pieces of the puzzle together, though. Another interesting fact: I discovered he was originally trained by an old farrier of mine. He actually quit farrier work to focus more on his training business. I'm toying with the idea of contacting him to ask if he remembers (this was back in 2011-2012), but I think I'll know what he'll say if he DOES remember. I believe this is the trainer that shipped him to auction. 

It will be interesting to talk to my trainer about this new bit of info, though. I believe she is familiar with this particular trainer. 

Lessons with Striker resume tomorrow, as my trainer is back from Chicago. Hopefully my next post will be a bit less introspective.


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## jaydee

Your other horses look well - even the old boy. Unless your dad actually starts to complain about the work involved with them you should maybe not worry so much - in fact it probably gives him a reason to get out there every day and feel useful. In general terms 67 isn't that old even with his hip problems - Nick Skelton still show jumps at top level with all sorts of joint replacements and lady I used to board two of mine with in the winter was in her late 70's and still out there every day working and riding.
Re. selling Obie - Its no point me trying to lie to you - you're going to get people who are looking to buy for the meat market and some that are wanting a cheap horse without considering the soundness issues or his behavioral ones and how you decide who's genuine and who isn't I really don't know other than asking for references from their vet, trainer etc


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## nikelodeon79

What's interesting to me is that most of the interest in Obie has been out of state. Just had someone from Tennessee text me about him last night. Seemed very interested until I explained that I felt he would buck if the rider tensed up or clamped down when first mounting. He's thrown a few crow hops for us... nothing major... but I believe he will buck if pushed. Not going to lie about his issues just to get him sold. Other than a bit of grumbling from my mom, he's fine where he is. I pay for their monthly cell phones in exchange for keeping my horses there... and my dad doesn't seem too upset about him being there. He's the one that's doing all the work.


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## nikelodeon79

I am just SO tired of the fear!

Had a lesson on Sunday. It had been over a week since I'd ridden and three weeks since my last lesson. Striker had a slow couple of weeks while my trainer was out of town but she returned on Thanksgiving and he was put back to work. She's been working on canter.

Apparently he likes canter.

Things went well until I decided to trot during warm up. Striker decided to canter instead. It actually went well.. Three or four lovely strides and then I pulled him up.

He was none too pleased.

He didn't do anything major, but he did get prancy and he wanted to GO. 

I didn't panic, didn't clamp down and got him under control (actually, he was never out of control... It was more like I convinced him that it was okay just to walk).

I had to fight with myself because I really wanted to just get off. I felt like such a failure. Such a minor event.. And the canter wasn't at all scary. When it was over, though, fear reared it's ugly head.

My trainer arrived for the start of the lesson and I explained what had happened. She apologized for not warning me that might happen and said I should have just let him canter for a bit. She said he's a very honest horse that doesn't misbehave on purpose, but sometimes misinterprets the question and gives the wrong answer.

The lesson began and we were supposed to be working on trot/halt transitions with a focus on uphill movement. 

Everyone else worked on that. I worked on not having a full blown panic attack.

Once again, my trainer knows when to back off and when to push. I needed to be pushed. If she had told me I could get off my horse, it would've been that much harder to get back on the next time.

Eventually, I relaxed enough to remember that I know how to ride. We were still working on smooth transitions, making sure that we were using leg and seat rather than heavy rein. That's one thing I really struggle with. I grew up pulling on the reins to stop. My insecurities make me want the horse to stop instantly when I say so. The fact that we're easing the horse into the down transition is really, really hard for me. The longer the horse takes to get it, the more out of control I feel.

The more the panic starts to rise.

I was on a horse that bolted on a blacktop road and galloped for two miles before I finally bailed. I landed directly on the blacktop and smacked my head. I wasn't wearing a helmet.

When I tell a horse to stop, I want that horse to STOP.

Striker and I were working on walk/trot transitions on the rail while everyone else was doing halt/trot or halt/canter on quarterline. I try not to compare myself to other riders but sometimes it's hard. 

Sometimes I feel like a failure.

At one point in time, my trainer stopped everyone else to look at the nice dressage trot Striker was doing. Part of me wondered if she was just trying to boost my confidence, but I took a peek in the mirror and I have to admit, it looked pretty good. It felt pretty good, too.

Would've felt even better if I hadn't been trying to get him to transition to walk at the time.

Still, I think something clicked in my brain. When I softened up and started giving more than I took, Striker responded. Maybe it wasn't exactly what I'd planned, but he really was trying to give the right answer.

My trainer said I would have gotten high marks on a dressage test for that trot. It does help thinking of my goals and where I want to be, but I just pray I can keep up. I don't want to keep experiencing these kinds of setbacks. How do I go from an amazing weekend at a clinic with a top trainer, an unfamiliar arena and being willing/feeling ready to canter, to being afraid while trotting in my home arena simply because my horse doesn't immediately transition to walk?

I just don't get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

You're always going to have bad days - but you rode him through it and he was OK so that must be a real positive
It takes time to build up trust in any horse but I think the older you get the more it worries you
The old mare I lost early this year was dynamite but I'd had her 20 years and knew exactly how far she'd go with anything and that I could cope with whatever she threw at me. I'm sure being younger when I had her made all the difference because I'm sure if I got a horse like her now I'd not be wanting to keep it!!


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## nikelodeon79

It's been all quiet on the horse front lately. I haven't been able to ride since the last time I posted... mostly because I did something to my upper back/neck and have been going to the chiro trying to get that straightened out (no pun intended!). 

Plus, I might be using the back/neck issue as a bit of an excuse. 

I also hate winter. Correction, I LOATHE winter. A huge part of me wants to just curl up with a blanket pulled over my head until spring arrives. But alas, I live in state that often has winter for 7-8 months, so that's just not possible. 

My life should slow down following the holidays and I'm hoping to get back into a more regular lesson schedule. Doing two lessons per week (one private and one group) was really helping both my confidence and my position. 

Until then, Striker continues to be in full time training. A friend of mine sent some pics of him being ridden in the outdoor arena:




























Apparently his mini tantrum only lasted a few seconds. She said he's been doing really well in training... just is feeling more fit and is really moving ahead of the leg. 

I sold two of my saddles the other day, the dressage that didn't fit him and the AP that wasn't the greatest fit. Part of me wonders if I should even bother looking for another AP or CC saddle... am I EVER going to feel ready to jump? 

For now, I have my dressage saddle and dressage is my main goal. I think I will jump, though... some day.


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## nikelodeon79

HOLY COLD!

We've been having temps with wind chills 35-45 below zero. Fun fun. I put blankets on Obie and Cody while I was at my parents' on Saturday. Cody had never had a blanket on before and looked at me like I was a loon. He stood patiently while I put it on and adjusted the straps, though. I can't believe I didn't take a pic of him.. he looked so darn cute!!! 

Went to the barn to see Striker on Sunday. Too cold to ride, but i brought him up to the indoor to get some exercise. He had a grand time admiring himself in the mirrors. 










Did I mention it's been A WHOLE MONTH since I've ridden? I'm nervously excited to get back into the saddle. Hopefully it warms up soon. I simply cannot take another winter like last year. It seemed like temps dropped into the double digits below zero and stayed there. 

I LOATHE winter.  Remind me again why I live in Northern Wisconsin?


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## jaydee

And I thought it was cold here!!!!
I admit it - I'm a 'wimp' - riding in the cold isn't fun and now I don't have to do it any more I just don't. Every year I say that I'm going to go to a local indoor at least twice a week and then it all becomes too much hassle and the horses can have a holiday.


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## nikelodeon79

Went to the barn today to drop off some things and happened to arrive just as my trainer was getting ready to ride Striker. (It was "warmer" today: four above). 

I picked up a new bit for him (thick bit + small mouth do not mix well!). Decided to stay with a loose ring french link snaffle, just something a bit thinner to fit in his mouth. He seemed to do well in it.

Poor lighting but here are some pics:




























It was good and bad for me to watch his training session. Good, because I could really see the progress, and bad, because my trainer tends to "push his buttons" to work through issues. Still, he doesn't react badly. No bucking, no rearing, no bolting out of control. He DOES want to go faster now. He is a bit "prancy" for at least the first 10 minutes of the ride. Walking is BORING now. 

He also gets a little antsy when coming up on another horse, or if another horse comes up on him. It's like he's finally remembered that he used to be a racehorse. 

While watching, I thought to myself, "How about I just DON'T ride him until spring... then he'll have all these kinks worked out, right?!"

My trainer talked to me afterward and said there's absolutely nothing he does that I can't handle. She asked me what was making me nervous. Mostly it's the "what ifs." WHAT IF he blows me off and won't stop? WHAT IF he gets frustrated and rears? WHAT IF he goes into a rodeo bucking fit? 

I had some time to think after I got home and decided that I can't let WHAT IFS rule my life. My trainer is right. There's nothing Striker does that I can't handle. In fact, there's nothing he does that I HAVEN'T handled in the past, with my Arab, Royale. I LOVED riding Royale. So what if he was a lot shorter? The ground is just has hard from 14.0 as it is from 15.3 right?

(Don't answer that, LOL!) 

My lessons will resume next week, after it gets a bit warmer. I really wish I could fast forward right through winter, because I think part of what makes me feel so strange while riding in the winter is all the bulky layers. I already feel out of shape, then add a few layers and I feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I just feel so un-athlethic. 

There was a post not too long ago on this forum and I asked the OP whether she had always been plus sized. It makes a difference. I think part of my issue is that I'm not only a re-rider... I'm a re-rider that was about 80 lbs lighter the last time she rode. There's a lot more of me to learn to balance. 

Really I think part of my riding journey needs to also be a fitness journey. I don't know that I'll ever be comfortable as a rider until I'm comfortable in my own skin.


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## nikelodeon79

I RODE TODAY!!!

I haven't ridden in over a month. The time off did not help with my fear. My last ride was a bit shaky just because of how unprepared I was for Striker turning into what my trainer likes to call "a go-go pony." 

But, really, my favorite horses at the stable ARE go-go ponies. General and Turner are BOTH very forward. So why was it so scary when it was Striker? 

Regardless, I'd cancelled several lessons and, though I legitimately had excuses, I think I could've made a better effort to go out and ride. I just.. didn't. I told myself I had to ride in a lesson, I couldn't ride my horse without my trainer there.

So, basically I was back where I started with Obie: with a horse I couldn't ride. 

Tonight in my lesson I sucked it up and rode. I didn't have my trainer ride first; I just took a breath and got on. 

Striker did fabulous. My trainer had me do a long warm up at the walk and then we worked on walk/trot transitions. She had me count his strides out loud, which REALLY helped. I discovered that what I thought was him speeding up was just him extending and using his back more. 

You know, what he's supposed to do as a dressage horse. 

He did try to speed up at times but my trainer said I did a good job of calmly checking him back. I felt SO much better after my lesson. 

Tomorrow I'm going riding without my trainer.


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## nikelodeon79

I've ridden twice since my last post. It feels great to be getting back into the swing of things. It feels even better to get over the random fear that cropped up. I still get occasionally nervous but nothing uncontrollable. 

Sunday I rode with a friend of mine. I had gotten a bit afraid to ride without my trainer present so I had to get over that. Striker was a bit more keyed up, because he tends to get a bit antsy when other horses pass him, but nothing unmanageable. 

Nothing scary. 

Tonight I had a private lesson. We worked on leg yielding, 20 meter circles and walk/trot transition. Striker is a rock star at leg yield.

I could use a little work.

After awhile, though, when I stopped overcuing him, things were working quite well. I was watching myself in the mirrors and realized... I'm a lot better rider than I was when my journey as a re-rider began. Sure, there is A LOT to work on, but it's like a puzzle... one piece falls in place at a time. Pretty soon, it starts looking like a decent looking picture. 

That's what I love about my trainer. She focuses on correcting one bad habit at a time. That way, I'm not getting overwhelmed and I can really see my own progress. 

Striker is doing amazing... I can really tell he's making a lot of progress with my trainer. I think the old saying is that it takes a lot of "wet saddle pads" to train a good horse. I had proof of that tonight. I went to use my regular pad and it was SOAKED. Striker had a good workout last night and with the winter weather, it wasn't dry. 

Good thing I've become a bit of a saddle pad hoarder. I had a couple of backups.  Plus I just happened to have bought another one the other day... couldn't very well use one of my hunter green saddle pads when I'm wearing my cornflower blue breeches, now could I?


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## nikelodeon79

Buy $50+, enjoy 20% off

Buy $150+, enjoy 30% off

Buy $400+, enjoy 50% off

Well played, Horze. Well played. 

I'm off to shop.


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## jaydee

Blue and green should never be seen
Though they also say
What grows together goes together
But that saddle pad and your breeches - No!!!


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## nikelodeon79

I didn't buy anything in the Horze sale. Before you congratulate me on my resisting, I actually missed out. I was trying to figure out if I should go for the 30% or the 50% (had plenty in my cart to make the 50%) when suddenly, the items in my cart reverted to full price. 

"WHY!?" I yelled at my screen. "Sale ends at midnight! It's not midnight!"

I looked at the clock. Exactly 11:00pm.

"NOOOOO #$%#$& EASTERN STANDARD TIME!!!"

Today Horze is running a "buy two, get one" sale on breeches. Considering the majority of the items in my cart were breeches, I get another shot. Still... I haven't bought anything yet. 

To reward myself for having such strong willpower, I have decided to place an offer on some lovely Ariat tall boots on eBay. 

I am SO much awesome.


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## nikelodeon79

Obie left today. 

I didn't talk much about it before because... well... it makes my heart hurt. 

He went to a lady in Illinois. I gave her a 30 day trial but she's fairly sure she's going to keep him. She's very excited about him and it seems like she plans on spending a lot of time with him, both on and off the ground. She also has a trainer to help her out. 

My head knows this is what's best for him. He is a horse that loves people and attention of any kind, and he just wasn't getting much attention at my parents' place. 

My heart still hurts, though.

I went out to spend some time with him before they arrived. Gave him a good brushing and lots of treats. Some private time to say goodbye. 

When they arrived, he was a superstar. I walked right up and put his halter on (like usual) and he followed me like a puppy back to the barn (again, like usual). The buyer's first comment was that he was even more beautiful than his pictures. 

He truly is a stunning horse. 

He loaded right up in the trailer... we signed the papers... and he left.

Even though I have Striker... even though I'm so incredibly happy with him and have bonded with him strongly... even though I am content with him and know he's a perfect match for me...

I couldn't help feeling as if a dream was dying as I watched that trailer drive away. 

Obie was a dream horse. A big, beautiful paint... super athletic, huge gaits, amazingly flashy. 

But now he gets to be someone else's dream. 

I'll be okay, though. I'm already okay. I'm pursuing a new dream.

Though I will never forget Oskar Blues.


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## jaydee

Hope it works out for him


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## nikelodeon79

Apparently I have been consoling myself with purchases. I have bought:

-Ariat Heritage Contour Field Boots in (gasp!) Sienna
-2 pairs of Tuffrider Ribb breeches
-1 pair of On Course Cotton Naturals breeches
-1 pair of FITS All Season breeches
-2004 GMC truck

I think I'm done. 

No riding since my last post... it's been too cold. Was supposed to have a lesson tomorrow but the cold snap is supposed to continue. Hopefully Thursday will be warmer!


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## nikelodeon79

Obie in his new home: 









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

I've been neglecting my blog post! 

Not much riding time due to cold but DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME IS HERE!


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## nikelodeon79

DST means a very tired me, but more time for riding. 

It's also been much warmer. I had a lesson yesterday and we worked on learning how to "count" the rear end action (left, right, left, right) and downward transitions (walk to halt, trot to walk). 

Striker has started to get very light in the front end, especially when I ask him to trot. It's likely a combination of him being ready to go, me giving too much of an aid, avoidance of rounding, and/or him simply carrying himself better. 

I'm learning not to be scared of it. 

He's responding so well to aids now that really all I have to do is *think* trot, and he does. I must be giving some unconscious cue that he's following. The sensitivity is nice but again, I need to learn not to be afraid of it. 

I had a saddle fitter out Saturday and got some bad news. My saddle is an old style Kieffer that has almost NO channel at the rear of the saddle. Unfortunately this has started to cause problems and Striker is starting to stand camped under in the cross ties. 

I'm currently in the process of attempting to sell all "unnecessary" things in order to afford a new saddle. I will admit it killed me to list some of my Horze breeches. I almost cried when I listed the brown Ariat XW calf boots I'd searched for years to find. When I listed the FITS breeches that I literally PRANCED around the house in due to how comfy they are and how nice I felt in them... let's just say it wasn't pretty. 

BUT the saddle the fitter tried on Striker, a lovely entry level Albion dressage saddle, was AMAZING and fit him like a glove. I MUST HAVE THAT SADDLE! At $2,300 new (finding used ones around $1K), I have A LOT to sell before I can afford one.

Unfortunately, I have no saddle for him in the meantime. My trainer is riding him in her old Kieffer, but the channel in the back isn't much wider than mine. Plus, I rode in it for my Sunday lesson and it was PAINFUL. I don't know what it is but I felt horrid riding in it. 

The rest of the schooling saddles are all really wide. I'm going to go through and see if I can make something work with half pads, etc., but I hate feeling "perched" on an ill fitting saddle. Going to have to figure out a way to make the money quickly. (Sell myself on a corner? HA! People might pay me to go away.  )

Wish me luck in my saddle searching.... Gosh how nice it would be to just say, "sure, order me the brand spanking new one!"


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## jaydee

Sorry about the saddle - something might turn up, shame to have to sell stuff but sometimes 'a girl has to do what a girl has to do'
I'd pass on the street corner idea though I think!!!


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## nikelodeon79

So far I've only sold about $160 worth... Starting to panic a bit because I don't want to delay his training or lose any of my confidence due to not being able to ride. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

Credit card?
Desperate needs desperate measures thing


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## nikelodeon79

jaydee said:


> Credit card?
> Desperate needs desperate measures thing


I tried.  Due to crappy credit, I was only approved for $500.00. So, that will partly fund a saddle, but not totally.


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## jaydee

Street corner it is then!!!!
Seriously I'm sure something will work out for you - fingers crossed that it does.


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## nikelodeon79

My trainer rode Striker today and said he did amazing. She tried on a few saddles and said her Big Horn western fit the best, with a shim pad. I'm going to try tomorrow. Hopefully this is a good solution while I save up for a new saddle! So, thankfully for the potential "johns" (*giggle*) no corner yet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

The saddle search continues, with many prospective new mates. I even created a spreadsheet to keep track of all the pros and cons.

Yes, I am a nerd. 

I made a spreadsheet when I was horse shopping, too, and Striker out-scored even my favorite school horse. That's one of the reasons I knew he was a winner. 

Anyway I rode today. March 15th. In a T-shirt. In MINNESOTA. It was glorious. 

I used my trainer's Big Horn Western. I thought sitting in a Western saddle after all this time would make me feel like I was "home," given my 20+ years of western riding experience prior to switching to English.

Instead I felt restricted. I DID also feel relatively safe, though, so I think when I "officially" canter on Striker for the first time I might do it western. 

In the meantime, I'll keep up the lovely fun task of saddle shopping.


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## jaydee

T- Shirt? What? 
How dare you even mention that here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## knightrider

I couldn't stop reading this. I was supposed to wash windows today . . . and vacuum . . . and tidy up the house. I have a big trail ride tomorrow and need to load the tack and hitch the trailer. I just couldn't stop reading. It was fascinating. You are quite a writer. I wish you the best of success in everything. I was pulling for you through every trial. What great reading!


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## almickey

I have been reading your story for a couple of days now. You are a wonderful writer and I can relate to your trials and a re-rider. I returned to riding in my 40s, took some lessons and went all in and bought a 6 yr. old OTTB the end of January. He was awesome when I rode him and thought we'd be a good match. We brought him home and on my first ride I had to do an emergency dismount, which hurt my back, but was totally my fault. He hadn't been ridden in a couple of weeks, it was freezing (about 18 degrees) and he was really nervous in the new arena. Plus it was the wrong bit. Anyway, I've been trying to overcome fear and deal with the whole confidence factor with a great trainer at the barn. I look forward to your updates!


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## nikelodeon79

jaydee: if it makes you feel any better... it's in the 30s now.  

knightrider: Awww, thanks! I'm glad I could distract you from boring chores forget the windows, vacuuming and tidying, focus on loading that trailer! Priorities!

almickey: Thanks! OTTBs are something special, aren't they? 

Update on my saddle situation: I SOLD MY KIEFFER! *happydance*

So, with the PayPal balance, moving some funds around (Verizon can wait to get their payment, right???) and the one credit card I was able to get approved for, I can afford the.... 

drum roll please... 

A gorgeous black Albion Legend K2, 17.5" seat, M tree, looks like they just took the tags off the thing. The current owner has only had it for six months and she said it looked brand new when she got it. It STILL looks brand new. This thing is to die for gorgeous. I'd be surprised if it's more than a couple years old

OR

A BROWN Albion Original Comfort, 17.5" seat, MW tree. Obviously older (aren't all brown dressage saddles?) but seems to have not been used a lot. THE perfect color for Striker (and I could keep my boots!!). 

I am having difficulty deciding. I'm thinking I should get the K2. It's new, looks impossibly comfortable, and the seller has been very friendly and helpful. It's slightly more expensive than the brown, but not enough to make a big difference. Plus, I have a good offer on my boots that would more than makes up the difference between the two saddles. 

I'm telling myself that, just like with buying a horse, the color should not decide what saddle I buy. (*whiny voice* but my bridle is brown, with custom browband, that I ADORE!).

Sent pics to the fitter and I'm (im)patiently waiting to hear back from her...


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## nikelodeon79

I might have just purchased a saddle.... :shock:

Now the wait for shipping begins! :twisted:


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## jaydee

So exciting - don't you just love getting new stuff!!!

Yes I do feel better knowing that its now 30 where you are - (sorry!!!) First day of Spring and its snowing but my spring wreath is ready to go up so go up it will. I'm rebelling!!!


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## nikelodeon79

Got my saddle in and it's lovely! I tried it out last night.. WOW is that thing comfortable!

Striker acted a bit.. odd. It was windy and everyone was feeling a bit frisky, but I think the real issue was that they were hungry... they ran out of hay and the new bales weren't being put out until this morning. I think Striker may have had a bit of tummy upset and was just plain out mad that he didn't get fed. In retrospect I should've given him some hay before we rode. Ah well, live and learn!

The saddle may be a tad on the wide side and could use some flocking adjustments, but I'm already on the list for when the saddle fitter comes back into the area in a few weeks. 

After the ride, while untacking I gave Striker his usual treat. Every time I came back to him after that he laced his ears back as if to say, "Give me another effing treat, woman! I'm STARVING!!!" 

Spent some time in the barn afterwards giving a nice big dinner of hay before turning him out with the herd. I got plenty of accusatory glares from the rest of the horses when I turned him out. 

"We KNOW you fed him. Now feed US!"

Thankfully the new bales were put out this morning at 7. Next time I try the saddle (sometime this weekend), I won't have a hungry pony to deal with!


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## jaydee

Which one did you get in the end?


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## nikelodeon79

I ended up with an Albion Legend K2:


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## jaydee

Black then?
Does that mean new boots for you?


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## nikelodeon79

jaydee said:


> Black then?
> Does that mean new boots for you?


Ha! Not for a good, long while! I'm so broke it's not even funny. (Well, it kind of is funny because I'm giddy about the new saddle).

I did sell the brown ones, though. *sigh* Someone is making payments on them so they're just sitting there in the box... taunting me...

I think I'll try the Tredstep Donatellos from Smartpak when my funds increase. They come in plus size calf, aren't terribly expensive and are dress boots. I am not a big fan of field boots so I can keep telling myself that whilst feeling sad about the brown Ariats.


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## nikelodeon79

Got some video!!

https://youtu.be/8Opkv9Yqnwk


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## tinyliny

would your instructor agree if you asked to take up your stirrups a hole? to me, it looks like you are missing the base of support they could offer you and end up being a bit pitched forward. I didn't mean to go into a big critique, only that sometimes a very small change like that can make a big difference in how you feel in the saddle.


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## nikelodeon79

tinyliny said:


> would your instructor agree if you asked to take up your stirrups a hole? to me, it looks like you are missing the base of support they could offer you and end up being a bit pitched forward. I didn't mean to go into a big critique, only that sometimes a very small change like that can make a big difference in how you feel in the saddle.


I will give it a try. My trainer usually tells me to raise them up but I tend to get cramps in my legs and hips when they're shorter.

I have an issue with leaning too far forward. I think it is a bit of a defense mechanism. I get nervous so I lean forward and grab hold, which is the exact opposite of what I should do!


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## jaydee

I looked at the video before I saw Tinyliny's posts and thought exactly the same thing. At the point you're at at right now with your training and his training you'll find it a lot easier to ride with your stirrups up a hole or two because you'll be able to sit into him and get him together a lot easier especially at posting trot - at the length you're on in the video you're getting pitched forward too much to do that
I do love his attitude - you were so lucky to find such a lovely natured horse


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## tinyliny

What happens when they are so long is that you end up having only your knees and thigh as support. if you were very strong and balanced, you could do this and still sit up straight . but, we novices will do better with a shorter stirrup. this allows you to have your legs more "around" the horse, with more area of even contact, and you weight flowing down PAST your stirrup. right now, it stops at your knee, and thus you become top heavy, and when the hrose slows even slightly, you are pitched forward. it's shear mechanics becue you have a single pivot point at the knee.

if you are allowing your weight to flow down the back of your leg, into and through your heel, it's like you have a whole bunch of "pivot" points on the horse, and if the horse stops, you dont get pitched forward as much.

this is a hard concept to get, initially, since of course your 'weight" cannot actually flow down into your leg and out through your heel. but once you get the FEEL of it, it will radically change the way you ride. like riding a bicycle, you will never forget it and never go back to theold way of riding.

the saddle does look a bit wide in front, and this it may be tipped into a downward cant, and the hroes looks like he is also a bit downhill, and he is trotting without much impulsion. all of those things contribute to the rider being sort of "dumped" forward into a ditch, in front of the barrel of the horse. 

to counter, get more impulsion, shorten the stirrup, and maybe lift the front of the saddle with flocking or very thin shims.

I hope I have not made you feel bad. you didn't ask for a critique. I only mention these things becuase I think they can make a radical difference in how riding him feels.


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## nikelodeon79

I don't feel bad! Critiques are welcome and valued. 

The saddle is an issue. I'm a bit heartbroken and nervous waiting for the fitter to come back in the area. I hope the wither clearance issue can be fixed... perhaps it is wide in front. My trainer is worried if it's narrowed it'll pinch the shoulder. 

My friend is going to send me the rest of the videos she took, so I'll post more after I upload them. 

I will definitely try to raise up the stirrups. Do you think one hole will help? I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong that makes my legs and hips hurt SO bad with shorter stirrups. Maybe I'm too tight? That's the current issue my trainer is working on. She tends to pick one issue (the most major one) and then work on that before moving on to something else (although she DID mention that I was too far forward during this lesson). I tend to REALLY grip with my legs and now that he's advancing in his training, I'm giving him mixed signals.


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## frlsgirl

Also, speaking from experience, if the saddle is tipping forward instead of sitting perfectly level, that can also cause you to tip forward.


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## jaydee

Hey - its not just novices that struggle - I've been riding since I could just about walk and now I'm older and very unfit I really struggle to ride with a longer stirrup and so does my DH who's also been riding since he was a tiny tot


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## tinyliny

nikelodeon79 said:


> I don't feel bad! Critiques are welcome and valued.
> 
> The saddle is an issue. I'm a bit heartbroken and nervous waiting for the fitter to come back in the area. I hope the wither clearance issue can be fixed... perhaps it is wide in front. My trainer is worried if it's narrowed it'll pinch the shoulder.
> 
> My friend is going to send me the rest of the videos she took, so I'll post more after I upload them.
> 
> I will definitely try to raise up the stirrups. Do you think one hole will help? I'm just not sure what I'm doing wrong that makes my legs and hips hurt SO bad with shorter stirrups. Maybe I'm too tight? That's the current issue my trainer is working on. She tends to pick one issue (the most major one) and then work on that before moving on to something else (although she DID mention that I was too far forward during this lesson). I tend to REALLY grip with my legs and now that he's advancing in his training, I'm giving him mixed signals.




your trainer's voice is so cute, her enthusiasum is infectious.

one reason for having legs and hips that hurt is that you ARE gripping with your leg, and that's due to not having the stirrup to help you.

ultimately, we seek to ride by balance, which comes from our head, and our core muscles. disabled riders such as amputees ride from balance. 

it's kind of a dicotomy to say that using your stirrups help you ride with less leg. you'd think it would be MORE leg.

I'm sure you've heard of the image that when you are riding dressage, you want to be in a position that if your horse magically disappered out from under you, yoiu'd land in a standing position. when you are posting in those stirrups, think of that image. imagine your feet floating along 6 inches above the ground, or even scraping along the ground. imagine they are flat so that your whole foot scrapes on the ground. and to help with placement, imagine them kind of scraping the ground right in front the the horse's back feet position where THEY hit the ground when the reach under your horse. so , mentally, you kind of "marry" your feet with his back feet, and start with your heel, kind of "pointing" it (it's not really pointing, but the mental image of this will end up with your foot fairly flat and parallel to the ground) toward your horse's back feet.

heels to his heels, and your eyes forward.


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## nikelodeon79

Video taken today: 

https://youtu.be/gbU99CVxsXo


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## jaydee

A video about tools or something?


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## nikelodeon79

LOL! Whoops!!

Here is the link I intended to post: https://youtu.be/JFf68SjaTHk

It was a strange ride. I felt SUPER tense. The ride doesn't look half bad considering my frame of mind, but I talked to my trainer afterwards and she said she thinks my saddle was just too "perched" due to me trying to get wither clearance. I decided to ride in a western both due to my saddle issues and to gain some more confidence. 

At our lesson yesterday we worked on rating our horse's speed, both being able to assess the speed (and when it's about to change) and how to adjust it. It made me feel MUCH more secure and in control. 

I had my friend take a video afterwards. Striker was kind of pooped so I actually had to encourage him to move out (which I rarely have to do any more). So, the video isn't the best but I wanted to post it for comparison sake. 

https://youtu.be/Z48wrfL0g9w


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## jaydee

That looks better - though I still think you could take your stirrups up another hole and feel more comfortable and ride stronger/more secure in posting trot
He's such a great little horse - I know I keep saying it but he really is


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## nikelodeon79

I would tend to agree... he's such an awesome horse! Puts up with SO much... just takes it in stride. The reason I decided to buy him was because I rode so horribly and he just kept on trotting along.

He's got so much more power now and is starting to get off the forehand which can be a bit scary at first, but I think I'm getting used to it. I had an amazing lesson last night. We just worked on bending at the rib cage along the 20 meter circle. We did well to the right but to the left I'm weaker and he's less balanced, so we struggled a bit. I sometimes hesitate to move him off my leg because he will give the wrong answer and speed up. My trainer had me try the exercise at the walk and once we started trotting again, he was SO much more responsive and lighter! In the end my legs felt like rubber but it was a good hurt.


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## jaydee

I'm sure that the more you work with him, the more confident you'll get, the more relaxed you'll be and the end result will be you turned into the accomplished rider you thought you'd never be back when you were having all the troubles with Obie


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## nikelodeon79

I had the most amazing lesson the other day. Seriously the best yet. Striker felt so light and responsive! 

My first clinic of the year is May 16th. Getting very excited about what this year has in store for us. If all goes well we may enter our first show in the fall (intro level).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikelodeon79

Clinic is coming up this weekend! Somehow I accidentally signed up for two rides instead of one. Oops! 

After the Lars clinic this past fall, my trainer said if I would have had two rides with him instead of one I would have been cantering. 

So... I guess we'll see...


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## nikelodeon79

Had kind of a rough day today.

New saddle doesn't fit. Not enough wither clearance, and puts me in a really bad/not secure position. As a result of that, had a bad lesson. I was super nervous, panicky and frustrated. My trainer said my position hasn't been that unstable in a long time. 

So, it's back to the drawing board (again) in the saddle department. Thankfully my trainer's saddle fits okay and I feel secure in it, so I'll be using that for the clinic. 

Just have to take a deep breath and get past the fear.

Again.


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## tinyliny

so sorry for this added frustration. I know how that feels, when it seems like you are losing ground, going backward. the only consolation is knowing that there'll be days where you'll feel yourself go forward.

you know that saying, "this too shall pass?"
people always offer that as comfort to folks dealing with difficulty, and that's fine. but one must remember that it applies to the good times, too.


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## nikelodeon79

Thanks for the encouragement. I really love the "this too shall pass" idea. I never thought of it that way before!

Spent over an hour on the phone with a new fitter today. My trainer uses him and I'm feeling really good about finding the right saddle.

I went to the barn today and watched my trainer ride Striker today. She said he's feeling very feisty and told me I did a really good job with him yesterday. So, I feel a lot better about my lesson knowing it wasn't just me. I had backed up on his training due to finances and I think that caused a setback. I'm having my trainer go back to the old schedule of her riding 2x per week and me having one lesson per week. Time to get back on track.

I'm just so very thankful that through all this I have an amazingly supportive husband that doesn't blink an eye about farrier costs, horse massages and $2000 saddles. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tinyliny

nikelodeon79 said:


> Thanks for the encouragement. I really love the "this too shall pass" idea. I never thought of it that way before!
> 
> Spent over an hour on the phone with a new fitter today. My trainer uses him and I'm feeling really good about finding the right saddle.
> 
> I went to the barn today and watched my trainer ride Striker today. She said he's feeling very feisty and told me I did a really good job with him yesterday. So, I feel a lot better about my lesson knowing it wasn't just me. I had backed up on his training due to finances and I think that caused a setback. I'm having my trainer go back to the old schedule of her riding 2x per week and me having one lesson per week. Time to get back on track.
> 
> I'm just so very thankful that through all this *I have an amazingly supportive husband that doesn't blink an eye about farrier costs, horse massages and $2000 saddles.
> * _Posted via Mobile Device_



can you send him over here so he can give my husband some "good husband " lessons? (just kidding_)


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## jaydee

Sorry about the saddle - its so frustrating when things don't go the way we need them too when we try so hard to make them work


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## nikelodeon79

Hey guess what?!

WE CANTERED!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaydee

Not all doom and gloom then!!!


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## nikelodeon79

Now that the exciting, exhausting clinic weekend is over I’ll write a more thorough update. 

First of all, Ulf Wadeborn is a phenomenal clinician. I would highly recommend his clinics to anyone who has the opportunity to attend, either as an auditor or a rider. 

The clinic this weekend was a combination clinic and test seminar. There were clinic rides in the morning on Saturday with demo tests/explanations in the afternoon. 

I ended up with the very first ride of the clinic. I was super tense at first.. nerves got the best of me. Ulf asked me about my horse and what I wanted to work on. He asked me what level I was at, to which I answered “Intro” without hesitation. He asked if I’d cantered. I told him that I’d cantered on other horses, Striker had been cantered with my trainer, but we’d never cantered together. 

Ulf’s response was, “Well… we’ll see what happens today.” 

We started on the 20 meter and it wasn’t very long before Ulf had me more relaxed and confident. A friend of mine got a ton of videos that I’ll hopefully be working at editing and uploading within the next week or so. 

At the end of the lesson, Ulf asked me if I wanted to try cantering. I told him, “If you think I’m ready.”

He did. 

We tried to pick up left lead canter first. I was hesitant and all we got was a really fast trot. We switched directions and managed to pick up right lead canter on the first try. It was not nearly as scary as I’d anticipated. I ended my lesson with a huge smile and the auditors broke into applause. It was a great feeling. 

The second day was cold and dreary and I was exhausted. I hadn’t gotten much sleep the past few days and it was taking its toll. My ride wasn’t until afternoon, and by that time all I really wanted was a nap.

Still, things started out great. I was much more relaxed at the start of the lesson, and we mostly worked on suppleness at the trot, for both of us. I have a tendency to look down, to hold my wrists wrong and to collapse at the waist. 

He asked me to pick up left lead canter and I did… but then things sort of just fell apart. It felt a lot less balanced than right lead canter and I somehow ended up dropping the reins. I didn’t DROP drop them… they were still there but I couldn’t seem to pick them back up again (tangled in Striker’s mane). So, basically we sort of careened around in an amoeba like 20 meter “circle.” At one point I thought we were actually going to hit the wall, but of course Striker turned at the last minute. I thought I was going to part ways with him and hit the wall anyway but I managed to hang on. 

The only positive thing I can say about my canter the second day was that I didn’t fall off, and I didn’t give up and stop cantering until Ulf instructed me to transition to trot. 

After that the trot work was tense. I was nervous and I just couldn’t let go. It turned into a tug of war with all my old anxieties surfacing. I haven’t seen any video of the end of the second ride, but I’m sure it wasn’t pretty. 

I’m still sort of processing things and am not sure how I feel. For the most part it was an amazing weekend, but I can’t stop coming back to that moment when I transitioned back into the land of fear. I just can’t help wondering if I’ll ever be rid of it.. or if at least I’ll be able to control it instead of it controlling me. 

When he was discussing the tests and judging, Ulf discussed when riders have a bad test. He said that with his riders, if they have a bad test, he does not discuss it with them right away. He knows they need to process and move forward. 

I know I just need to process and move forward. I shouldn’t be dwelling on what I see as negative, but instead should focus on all the positive advancements we made this weekend. 

Onward and upward, right? Keep calm and canter on.


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## nikelodeon79

I almost forgot... what's a post without pictures?!?

I love this horse!









Trot:









CANTER!









Ulf, my trainer, and me.


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## nikelodeon79

I haven't been posting too much lately (sorry to my two readers for neglecting this thread, LOL!). 

The saddle struggle continues. I decided to work with a different (independent) fitter. He lives out on the east coast, but my trainer has worked with him and was very happy with his work. 

The first saddle I tried fit Striker, but was not good for me. Again, I had the "tipped forward" feeling. Currently waiting for the fitter to find something else in my budget. The good news is I can try as many saddles as it takes and I don't have to pay shipping. 

I had two really bad lessons in the Cynron (the saddle I'm sending back). I actually broke down into tears at the last one and I NEVER cry. It was just awful. My trainer said she thought most of it was the saddle... but it just bothers me that it MATTERS so much. I feel like I should be a good enough rider to overcome a stupid saddle. 

Yesterday I rode in the western and had a GREAT lesson. We even worked on canter.  Talked with the fitter today and told him I'm open to an AP, so he thinks he has one to send that he thinks will work for me. I have to go out to the barn and have my trainer basically PUT me in the correct position and take pics to send. 

At this point I'm pretty happy just riding in the western... at least for awhile to get my confidence back. I am contemplating doing a show in August, but if I don't have something then I'm sure my trainer will let me borrow her saddle. Thank goodness I have SOMETHING that will work!


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## tinyliny

sweet!


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## jaydee

We've just had a morning with a saddle fitter here as DH is riding K this summer and my saddle for her doesn't fit him
I know we're looking at saddles that are aimed at jumping and one size does not fit all but he's ended up with a Kent and Masters Saddle and it looks great, it put him in the right position and the horse looked very relaxed in it - a few of the others she definitely didn't. Best of all the price was good compared to some of the others that he found uncomfortable so might be a brand worth looking at
They're made in Walsall England


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## nikelodeon79

I'm back! Did anybody miss me???

This summer has been crazy busy with riding, softball, guitar playing/leading worship, etc. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm actually excited that summer's winding down. (Ask me how I feel when it's -20 in the middle of January!!). 

Striker has been having some fun adventures. He has been in a few jump clinics and is doing phenomenal. Maybe some day I will be brave enough to join him in one of those clinics, but for now a more experienced rider at my barn has been riding him. 





































In other happy news, I think I FINALLY found a saddle that fits both of us. I'm working with a wonderful fitter and have it on a 30 day trial, just to make sure. Cross your fingers!

Now on to something not so positive. During the last jump clinic, it was very, very hot. They had completed warm up and a canter around the field (to rate speed), and were working on the second cross country jumping exercise. Striker suddenly started stretching out like he had to pee... but he didn't. He then was sort of staggering, looked like he was even going to fall. The rider got off and we untacked him, then sprayed him with alcohol water to cool him down. He was sweating profusely. Gut sounds were normal. He actually did not FEEL hot at all, just was sweating badly. After about 10 minutes, he was perfectly fine. After checking him thoroughly, we were actually able to tack him back up and finish the clinic with no issues.

I had the vet out to check him. He has a resting heart murmur, which disappears with exercise. The vet says that is common in athletic horses. She ran blood tests and his ALT and CK were low. Lyme titer was negative, selenium level normal. 

He has periods of extreme sleepiness so the vet thinks he may be sleep deprived. I'm also looking at his various symptoms and wondering if he my have narcolepsy. When we're waiting for our lessons to begin, he often dozes off, sometimes to the point where I have to jiggle the reins to wake him up because I'm afraid he'll tip over. In the cross ties, sometimes his legs buckle like he's going to go down... it almost seems like he's sedated. Most of the time he's just fine, but then at times he just seems so tired. 

We're going to try putting him in a stall to see if the symptoms go away if he gets more rest (the theory is that he isn't lying down and getting REM sleep due to being bullied), but it's difficult to tell because he's not always showing symptoms anyway. He's a cribber, so that's also a concern since stalling will likely increase that problem. 

Changing pastures isn't an option because he is in the smallest, calmest herd. The herd recently changed, though, so the dynamics will hopefully improve. Three horses left, and one new one was brought in. Right now there are two mares and four geldings. 

So, I guess it's trial and error at this point. Waiting to hear back from the vet about her thoughts on the narcolepsy theory. 

Maybe I'll get up enough nerve to contact his former trainer to see if he had any issues when he raced...


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## jaydee

Yes I missed you!!!

Sorry to hear of the problems - I've had cribbers and none of them were worse in the stable - one was actually worse in the field - but they are all different

I also rarely see some of my horses lie down in the field - Flo and Honey always lay down together but since Flo died Honey never does. They all lie down in their stables


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## knightrider

Yay! So glad you are back! I hope you get to the bottom of Strider's health issues.


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## nikelodeon79

I had a pretty bad lesson on Friday. I stupidly signed up for a jump lesson when I couldn't make my regular Wednesday dressage lesson. My trainer took pity on me and had us doing very simple trot poles. Well, apparently they were too much for me. 

I have been feeling extra tense and nervous lately. I have basically had a death grip on the reins, leaving my poor OTTB confused as to just what the heck I want from him. 

Well, I had the death grip on the reins until right before the trot poles, and then, because I was supposed to relax the reins to allow him to look down to see the poles, I basically threw the reins away. He had a "wheeeee!" moment... actually a very nice canter transition, but I panicked and jerked the reins back. He got a little humpy and I responded by cranking his head around. 

I had a bit of an emotional meltdown once it was all over. I'm not sure why.. I'm not usually a dissolve into helpless tears sort of person and at no point in time did I feel as if I was in danger of actually coming off. 

My trainer was less than pleased with me. She calmed me down, then said sternly, "STOP IT. You are BETTER than this."

And you know what? I am better than that. 

I felt awful about jerking on my horse, who was just trying to do what I was asking... if he could just figure out what the heck that was. With my trainer's coaching and a few walk transitions thrown in, I was able to do the exercise to the left and it went much better to the right. The poor young girls whose lesson I'd crashed were adorable with their compliments on how well we'd looked in the end. 

Even though the lesson ended well I still felt pretty low. I asked myself many times over the days that followed just what I thought I was doing. My horse is calm and sweet but he's still a Thoroughbred and has the big movement to prove it. I had a few conversations with friends and family about how I was feeling and while most just listened sympathetically, one friend suggested that I would be much happier with a different horse. 

That one friend did me a big favor because I know Striker is the one for me. I've had many people, even a couple of great dressage trainers I've done clinics with, tell me how well matched we are. Some day, when I finally get the cajones to actually show, some judge will write that on our score card. 

Today I forced myself to go back out to the barn and ride. I spent time relaxing first, rather than going right out to the pasture to get Striker and tack up in a frenzy to make my lesson time. I sat under the trees in a lovely little spot that had been made for my trainer's (now deceased) mother. I just may have had a relaxing beverage. 

Then, I put on my big girl breeches, tacked up my horse, and RODE. 

We didn't do anything too spectacular. We spent a lot of time walking a 20 meter circle. We spent some more time trotting a 20 meter circle. But rather than amoeba like shapes created by me clutching the reins in near-terror, they were actually somewhat circle shaped. I remembered how to let go of my fear. I remembered how to have fun. I remembered how to RIDE.


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## nikelodeon79

I'm BAAAACK! Did anybody miss me??? 

I kind of took a break over the winter. Okay, so there was no "kind of" about it. I stopped riding not long after my last post above. At first, life got in the way. Then, the longer I was out of the saddle, the more nervous I became about getting back in. 

I seriously considered selling Striker. It broke my heart to even consider it, but it was really hard to write that big check every month and not even ride. I didn't even go out to the barn to see him because I felt guilty about not riding. 

One of the working students at the barn was horse shopping, so I encouraged her to try Striker. After a few months off, he was pretty fresh. Occasionally he DOES remember that he's a Thoroughbred! The behavior didn't phase the working student, but it sure spooked me. I thought... there's no way I'm getting back into the saddle now. 

And I didn't, at least not for a few more months. Spring came, and when I finally worked up the nerve to ride again it was General the safe school horse, and not Striker. Somehow, I'd turned him into a fire breathing dragon in my time off. Nevermind the fact that he was going beautifully for the working student. She'd decided to lease him rather than buy him, and I suspect it was partly because she knew, deep down, I didn't want to sell him. She even said, "I would feel bad buying him!"

After three lessons with General, it was time to try Striker again. I was nervous the entire day leading up to my lesson, but as soon as my butt hit the saddle... I was home.

I had the best lesson ever. I did not feel an ounce of nervousness, even when Striker got a bit fast. I was thanking my lucky stars (and the super intuitive working student) that I hadn't sold him. 

My second lesson on him wasn't quite as smooth, but I managed to figure out the trigger for my nervousness and simply asked my trainer if I could have a bit more walking/warm up time performing the exercise prior to trotting. That did the trick, and I was able to calm down. Here's a video from that lesson:






To celebrate, tonight I ordered a new pair of boots!


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## jaydee

I missed you - nice to hear how you're getting on


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## knightrider

Oh! Hooray! You're back! So glad you are back riding Striker. He's a lovely horse.


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## Golden Horse

Yes I missed you.....

Now you know that I totally understand the fear thing, and so glad that you felt at home when your butt hit the saddle, but it didn't look like you were that comfortable.. When I saw the pictures from my last show I was upset how much I am still leaning forward, so I have great empathy looking at your video. Not sure if your saddle is tipping you so far forward, but I would love to see you taking deep breaths and rolling those shoulder s back and sitting up, it really makes you a lot safer and more secure.....

Glad you are riding again, keep it going, a couple of months ago I was sat in the middle of the arena, crying my eyes out and shaking all over, discussing with my trainer if I could actually ride Fergie any more. Since that day things have improved, we went all the way back to basics, walking, working on hands and body position, very simple things, now we are all the way back to loping again, and things are great. Take it slow, step by step....


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## nikelodeon79

The video is from my second ride, where I was not quite so comfortable. Had to really work through the fear... again! And YES my (*#%*#)($*#)($*#($ saddle IS tipping me forward. I'm hoping it is just because I had a really fluffy half pad underneath, and it gave it lift both in the front and the back when I only need it in the front. I spent way to much time, tears and money finding this saddle. The saddle fitting issues were what really worsened my riding anxiety in the first place!

P.S. My trainer is constantly telling me "remember to BREATHE!"


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## Golden Horse

nikelodeon79 said:


> P.S. My trainer is constantly telling me "remember to BREATHE!"


I'm so glad that mine doesn't have to do that any more, I have actually figured out that I can't hold my breath for an hour, so I have to breathe.... Now all I have to do is remember to try and let those shoulders down and back every time I breathe out...


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## jaydee

I avoided mentioning the saddle tipping forward thing - Striker is already rather downhill at times so the last thing you need is a saddle that's tilting you forwards. I had exactly the same problem with Willow and a saddle I bought for her
I'll shut up about it since its already a 'thing' with you!!!


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## nikelodeon79

I'm trying to decide if I need to open the dreaded can of worms AGAIN. *takes a deep, shuddering breath*

Saddle search. 

I tried a saddle I 100% LOVED, but I did NOT love the saddle fitter who was trying to sell it to me. Decided to try to look for one used, ended up with a different saddle fitter who supposedly deals in multiple brands... however there was only ONE brand that he pushed on me and it is a brand with very little resale value (Cynron). At the time, funds were an issue and my credit rating did not allow for a credit card (actually... I really shouldn't have one anyway!). The fitter let me make payments on the saddle with no interest... and after trying like 14 (NOT exaggerating) saddles, it was the one that felt the least bad. 

NOW it's tipping forward again and hitting Striker's wither. I need to (a) figure out the issue fast; (b) get it adjusted; or (c) bite the bullet and buy the dang Albion SLK High Head dressage saddle! The problem is that I will not get anywhere near what I paid for my current saddle... and funds are still not plentiful.


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## Golden Horse

I feel your pain Nikelodeon I really do, I was only half joking when I bought my current Reinsman saddle, that I would not buy another horse if that saddle did not fit it. 

If it is coming down on his wither then yes, you need to do something fast.....sell a kidney or something and buy the expensive option.


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## jaydee

I was able to have Willow's saddle reflocked to lift it up at the front - maybe you can find a saddler who could do that with your one?


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## nikelodeon79

Good news: I THINK *knocks on wood* that we solved our saddle issues. I started using my shim pad again and it seems to do the trick. He has a bit of a hollow behind his shoulders and the four pocket shim pad that I have works great to fill the space and lift the saddle. Plenty of wither clearance! I'm going to try to get a half pad made out of it so I can use fun saddle pads (like my OTTB saddle pad!):



















Bad news: Striker is limping. He would limp for a few strides, then work out of it and seem fine. We're thinking it's either a bruise (he picked up a giant rock on a trial ride with the girl who's leasing him... she caught it fairly early and got it out but it was a BIG rock) or an abscess.


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## jaydee

You just have to keep an eye on it
I must say he's looking like a bigger horse than the one you bought - and he was never a flimsy sort to start with


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## nikelodeon79

jaydee said:


> You just have to keep an eye on it


The good news is that I have a couple years of free adjustments, so if it needs to be adjusted, at least it will not cost me anything. 



> I must say he's looking like a bigger horse than the one you bought - and he was never a flimsy sort to start with


He's really started to fill out since being ridden regularly. The girl who leases him rides him nearly every day. She's a great rider and I can definitely see tons of improvements with him!


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## nikelodeon79

I apologize that I have not updated in awhile. First life got in the way, as life tends to do. And then...

I've logged on here and gotten to the point of posting, then signed off. Still too raw, I guess. 

December 3, 2016, I lost my beautiful boy to colic. We hauled him to the university vet clinic, but they did not think he would survive surgery. They told me they honestly did not understand how he was still standing. Such a brave, strong boy. 

That night, I hugged Striker one last time and told him what an amazing horse he was. I told him I loved him, I told him I would miss him, and I told him he’d earned his rest.

A few days later, we toasted Striker's memory by decorating his stall and writing messages on a card. I think my husband summed it up best when he wrote the following:

"Thank you for the many memories that you allowed Nicki to have. Most of all, for helping her believe in herself."

I was angry for a good long while. Angry and heartbroken. I should have had another good 10 years with him. Instead, I wondered whether I would ever get another horse. The timing was pretty bad for us... we're in the middle of an international adoption (read: expensive and time consuming). We made a tentative plan that we would think about looking for another horse in the fall, as we plan to travel to pick up our son in July. In the meantime, I would be content to ride lesson horses. 

Plans are funny things, aren't they? The plans that I make never seem to work out quite like I expect. 

My resolve to be content riding lesson horses lasted about a month. After that, I started looking at horses for sale, "just for fun." 

My heart still felt like it was in a million pieces, so the ads I pulled up were the complete opposite of Striker. No chestnuts. No geldings. For the love of all that is holy, no OTTBs that are prone to cribbing, ulcers and colic. 

The first horse I tried was a bay QH/Friesian mare without a speck of white. I convinced myself that I loved her, but really I think I loved the idea of her. In addition to the fact that Friesians are basically my "dream breed," I told myself that I owed it to Striker to put the riding fear and anxiety behind me. What better way to do that than with a green broke, super forward, big moving Friesian sporthorse?

Right. 

Really I should be grateful that she sold a few days before I was scheduled for a second look with my trainer. I don't recall "grateful" being one of the emotions I experienced at the time, however. 

Against my better judgement, I DID look at an OTTB. Well... I tried to look at him. After driving the four hours to go see him, meeting him, and tacking him up, I was told I had to pay cash that night or he would be "shipped out West." Driving away from that sweet, gentle gelding that was so much like Striker was straight up awful. Sometimes, you just have to tell your heart to shut up and let your brain make the decisions. 

I decided that fate was telling me I shouldn't look at any more horses. I should stick to the original plan of waiting until after the adoption to buy a horse. 

Again, my wholly inadequate resolve did not last very long. You guessed it, I started looking at ads again. 

On Saturday, I'm bringing home my new partner.


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## jaydee

I am so sorry to hear that you lost your lovely horse, life is just horribly unfair at times. I hope you're getting over it, takes a long time I know.
On the more positive side - you have a new horse on the way, you know you're going to have to share that now don't you!!
Good luck with everything


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## egrogan

I was happy to see your journal had an update...but so very sorry you lost your horse.

Will be following along for the next chapter.


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## PocketfulOfBunnies

It took me a few days, and I read the whole thing. I'm so sorry to hear about Striker. It made me start crying when I read that..  

I lost my mare December 1st 2016 and wasn't sure if I wanted to ride again. I was looking for her in new horses, but I realized there is never going to be another horse like her. I did get a new guy, and I love him. But I still miss my mare, Taffy, dearly. I think she'd like my new guy, and I think she'd want me to keep going. I bet Striker would feel the same way for you, and I'm glad you decided to keep going. You must share the new horse and all that with us!


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## carshon

@nikelodeon79 My heart breaks for you on the loss of Stryker. I can totally relate- but will say that the heart wants what the heart wants. 

I lost my wonderful, naughty gelding Steve March 23,2016 he was born here and we had a special bond. He was just 12 and I ranted and raved against the universe for taking him from me too soon. I am a rider by nature and knew that I wanted another horse right away - I looked and looked and found one 7 hours away - we drove to look at her and she was not at all what was advertised. But my heart spoke (she was my dream color and was really sweet) and we brought her home on April 16. Skye was not everything I wanted but we bonded instantly! I loved her - fate intervened again and on Aug 13 we found Skye laying in the pasture with a severely broken leg. Life is cruel - I cried and screamed and cussed. Because in fact this was the third horse I had lost - my retired riding horse had been fighting cancer for years (cervical cancer) and she had coliced on June 15 and we had to make the hard decision to let her go. I knew that day would come for her and was honored to have owned her and let her go in a humane and loving way. But losing Skye seemed so cruel. 

After suffering at home for a couple of weeks I looked for horses on-line - but my heart was not in it. My melancholy affected my entire family - especially hubby and daughter as we all ride. At their insistence I started actively looking - and rejecting every single horse. How could I get a horse that was Steve, Senorita and Skye all wrapped up into 1? I was contacted by a lady about an hour from me about her horse - looking at pictures I knew she was not what I was looking for. This woman was persistent and told me I "had" to come and look at this horse. I did - it was not love at first sight- she was homely and gangly and skinny and not like any of my other horses. BUT hubby and daughter insisted we take her home - the price was right and she rode like a champ. I logged 100 miles on Tillie last fall and still did not click. Started riding her this spring and finally told my family I was not in love with her and thought maybe I should sell her. 

Until our last ride - we were riding along and it just hit me - I need to love Tillie for Tillie and not compare - so Tillie is staying and I am going to try and love her for who she is. My homely Tillie Bird who tries so hard 

You will find that horse - but I suggest you don't expect "magic" to happen it didn't for me. I miss Steve and Senorita and Skye and the other horses I have lost in my life but they all had things I loved about them. And you will find that in your next horse too.


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## tinyliny

so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your gelding. I can't imagine how hard that must have been.


I hope we will see photos of your new horse, soon.


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## nikelodeon79

I suppose I've left you hanging long enough.  

Meet Lucero, affectionately known as Luka, my new partner. He is a 12 year old Kiger mustang gelding. Yep. I pretty much went in a complete opposite direction.









Take a look at that MANE!! (Can anyone point me in the direction of learning how to braid??) 

After capture, Luka spent several years on a cattle ranch out west, before ending up as a lesson pony at a barn in Wisconsin. That's where I found him. I've been down to ride him twice and he passed his PPE with flying colors. He's superstar steady under saddle, but takes a bit to warm up to new people. Thankfully, he's a true cookie monster and bribery works wonders. 

I think he's starting to warm up to me.









He comes home TOMORROW!


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## jaydee

Congratulatons, he's lovely. That mane is pretty impressive.


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## tinyliny

I wonder if he doesn't deserve his own journal?


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## PocketfulOfBunnies

He is gorgeous!!


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## nikelodeon79

tinyliny said:


> I wonder if he doesn't deserve his own journal?


I was actually thinking that, but wasn't sure what the rules were regarding two journals.  Of course, this one will have ended... new journal, new beginning?


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## jaydee

There's no reason why you shouldn't start a new Journal for a new horse.
If you feel that this one has reached an end then you can have it closed.


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## nikelodeon79

My adventures with Luka are continued in this journal: http://www.horseforum.com/member-journals/her-dreams-she-rides-wild-horses-753154/


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## jaydee

Journal closed at the request of the author


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