# Barn troubles. Need advice?



## SaskGal (Apr 18, 2012)

Well all that matter is that you will learn different techiques and probably will be a way better rider then they are! So prove it to them, show them that u are just as good as them or better or ask them to do something English and lets see if they can do it. I am personally not an English rider but i don't think there is anything wrong with it if done correctly. Yes, I may not believe in a few things but that doesn't me that I don't think I can learn anything from English.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

SaskGal said:


> Well all that matter is that you will learn different techiques and probably will be a way better rider then they are! So prove it to them, show them that u are just as good as them or better or ask them to do something English and lets see if they can do it. I am personally not an English rider but i don't think there is anything wrong with it if done correctly. Yes, I may not believe in a few things but that doesn't me that I don't think I can learn anything from English.


Yeah you're right. I guess I'm just torn between staying at this barn or not.
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## Eolith (Sep 30, 2007)

You need to think of your situation in a new way. The people who are teasing you (your aggressors) are likely petty girls who feel some sense of power when they discover your insecurities and prey upon them. It feels like a small victory or "reward" to them every time that they see that something they say has either hurt or upset you. You need to take the reward out of the equation. Think of this as a training situation.

My mare has a terrible habit of pawing when she wants her grain. It is an extremely rude behavior. If I give her her grain when she paws, then she's getting just the thing that she wants. She is being rewarded for pawing and is more likely to do it in the future. In fact, not only is she more likely to do it -- she's more likely to do it harder and longer than before. What happens instead? She gets ignored when she paws. She can paw until she's dug a hole knee deep as far as I'm concerned, but she won't get her grain until she stops. I'm ignoring the undesirable behavior until she offers the desired behavior (not pawing) at which point she is rewarded.

So let's apply this to your situation.

Your aggressors feel a (sick) sense of reward when they see that they have upset you. If you become angry or emotional after they have called you a rude name, they have received their reward and they are more likely to do it again in the future. As with my mare, not only are they more likely to do it, but they are more likely to be even more rude and aggressive. While I have no doubt that this will be exceptionally hard, what you need to do is ignore their unwanted behavior. They can be as rude as they like for as long as they like, but at the end of the day they won't have gotten their reward and if you're lucky they might even start to realize how nasty they sound when they only have their own words to listen to and no response from you. IF your aggressors start to treat you with more respect, you can begin to "reward" them by offering your own signs of respect in return. If for example one of your previous aggressors comes in one day and tells you that your horse's coat is looking especially shiny today, you can reward her more desirable behavior with a friendly smile, a thank you, and perhaps an offer to show her your "secret" brushing routine for bringing out the shine in your horse's coat. 

So there you have it -- you mostly just need to attempt to (subtly) "train" your unruly aggressors. It won't happen overnight (my mare won't stop pawing overnight) but gradually they might start to figure out that it's not rewarding to treat you poorly. Training is an ongoing work in progress. Sometimes we make mistakes along the way and sometimes it feels like we aren't making any progress at all, but that doesn't mean that we can't persist and finally achieve the desired result.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

Eolith said:


> You need to think of your situation in a new way. The people who are teasing you (your aggressors) are likely petty girls who feel some sense of power when they discover your insecurities and prey upon them. It feels like a small victory or "reward" to them every time that they see that something they say has either hurt or upset you. You need to take the reward out of the equation. Think of this as a training situation.
> 
> My mare has a terrible habit of pawing when she wants her grain. It is an extremely rude behavior. If I give her her grain when she paws, then she's getting just the thing that she wants. She is being rewarded for pawing and is more likely to do it in the future. In fact, not only is she more likely to do it -- she's more likely to do it harder and longer than before. What happens instead? She gets ignored when she paws. She can paw until she's dug a hole knee deep as far as I'm concerned, but she won't get her grain until she stops. I'm ignoring the undesirable behavior until she offers the desired behavior (not pawing) at which point she is rewarded.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your advice. That's really helpful, and makes me feel a lot better.  I'll work on that.
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## Eolith (Sep 30, 2007)

One thing to keep in mind: Don't "shut down" completely either. If you go to the barn and ignore absolutely everything that everyone says, it may exacerbate things. Literally only ignore the actual words or phrases that are out of line. So if you go to the barn and one of your aggressors greets you, you'll want to smile and greet her in return. If the next words out of your aggressor's mouth are: "How are your prissy princess pony English lessons going?". You can ignore this or say something nonchalant like "We're working a lot on posting the trot. I think I'm really starting to get the hang of my diagonals." And leave it at that.


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

I know how you feel. Im in a western area and when people see me riding english my "friends" LOVE to make snide and sometimes mean remarks. I (only because I know them and don't care if they get ticked at me) basically say "well thats nice, at least I ride my horse more than once every other month, and my horse is NOT cooped up in a stall for weeks on end." They shut up and go away. Eolith is right. Ignore them. Heck even practice english in the same arena and basically ride circles around them. That might shut them up.

Don't let them get to you. You are 18, think of them as rude little children, because thats how they are acting. If it keeps getting worst talk to the BO again and possibly their parents, I bet they would NOT be happy to hear how their children are acting in public.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

Eolith said:


> One thing to keep in mind: Don't "shut down" completely either. If you go to the barn and ignore absolutely everything that everyone says, it may exacerbate things. Literally only ignore the actual words or phrases that are out of line. So if you go to the barn and one of your aggressors greets you, you'll want to smile and greet her in return. If the next words out of your aggressor's mouth are: "How are your prissy princess pony English lessons going?". You can ignore this or say something nonchalant like "We're working a lot on posting the trot. I think I'm really starting to get the hang of my diagonals." And leave it at that.


Okay thanks! That helps a lot. I feel a lot better about going there tomorrow now. I was really beat down today.
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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

KigerQueen said:


> I know how you feel. Im in a western area and when people see me riding english my "friends" LOVE to make snide and sometimes mean remarks. I (only because I know them and don't care if they get ticked at me) basically say "well thats nice, at least I ride my horse more than once every other month, and my horse is NOT cooped up in a stall for weeks on end." They shut up and go away. Eolith is right. Ignore them. Heck even practice english in the same arena and basically ride circles around them. That might shut them up.
> 
> Don't let them get to you. You are 18, think of them as rude little children, because thats how they are acting. If it keeps getting worst talk to the BO again and possibly their parents, I bet they would NOT be happy to hear how their children are acting in public.


You are right, I know I'm getting far too old to let things like this get to me, but these are the people I've grown up with my whole life, and their either seniors like me or juniors. And it's just getting old, ya know?
Maybe I will practice in the arena with them. I mean, they're jacking their horses up on barrels, and I'm making mine more well rounded. 
I don't see why what I'm doing is so wrong in their eyes.
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## Eolith (Sep 30, 2007)

When it gets hard (as I'm sure it will some of the time) just try hard to remind yourself of how petty your aggressors are being and find a way to make light of it. Go ahead and compare them to that bratty pony who makes a big fuss and pretends he's "all that", but still doesn't get his way if it makes you smile a little to yourself.


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

Oh they are wanna-be rodeo queens. I have had the misfortune of being around girls like this. "My horse is out of blah blah lines" and "My horse can run 17s" and "OMG i just smudged my makeup." Because i was never a "Normal" teen most of my "friends" ditched me. I was playing with my horse, and they where off doing what ever mildly-illegal-activity they could, going to the mall and hanging out. Heck i STILL dont even bother with makeup. They are just jealous. They want to be able to get out of their comfort zones and do something other than run fast around barrels. Its fun to do, but after 10 min my mare and i are board to tears. 

You should be proud of yourself. Unlike them, you are not closed minded and you want to try something new. I understand it hurts and that you have spent over 10 years of your life around them but realize they are stuck in their own little worlds. They will learn one day that the world dose NOT revolve around them and could care less what they think.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

Eolith said:


> When it gets hard (as I'm sure it will some of the time) just try hard to remind yourself of how petty your aggressors are being and find a way to make light of it. Go ahead and compare them to that bratty pony who makes a big fuss and pretends he's "all that", but still doesn't get his way if it makes you smile a little to yourself.


Thank you!
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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

KigerQueen said:


> You should be proud of yourself. Unlike them, you are not closed minded and you want to try something new. I understand it hurts and that you have spent over 10 years of your life around them but realize they are stuck in their own little worlds. They will learn one day that the world dose NOT revolve around them and could care less what they think.


You're right, I am proud of myself. Thank you for the support, it helps. It really does!
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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

I had people make fun of my horses at a stable. My paint would single foot and they called him prissy pants.. so I would laugh and say yes he is, and after a trail ride, your butt will hurt and mine wont ! My other horse was an escape artist , got into tack sheds and some feed barrels, thank goodness it was only hay pellets, but I laughed and said well, guess that will teach you to keep your tack shed locked, or the door closed. I did have a latch on his pen, and people would remove the latch. So when they are blowing up their horses teaching them to run barrels, and the horses get hard to control, just laugh and say, well we are learning control , any horse can run.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

stevenson said:


> I had people make fun of my horses at a stable. My paint would single foot and they called him prissy pants.. so I would laugh and say yes he is, and after a trail ride, your butt will hurt and mine wont ! My other horse was an escape artist , got into tack sheds and some feed barrels, thank goodness it was only hay pellets, but I laughed and said well, guess that will teach you to keep your tack shed locked, or the door closed. I did have a latch on his pen, and people would remove the latch. So when they are blowing up their horses teaching them to run barrels, and the horses get hard to control, just laugh and say, well we are learning control , any horse can run.


Haha I love the escape artist story!
And that's totally true, my horse will be lighter, and softer, and more supple than theirs in giant shank bits (ridden two handed May I add) and tie downs!
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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

ANYONE and ANY horse can run barrels. My BF's dad rides this ALMOST 14hh navajo pony. She is a mutt, cute grumpy and hyped up all the time. Watching him ride and run barrels is painful, he just flops like a sack of potatoes pulling on her mouth with a tomb thumb. No control, no grace and the horse is 22 years old and can only be ridden by two people, well unless you want to be on a runaway horse that will plow you into a fence (no bit will stop her, her mouth is a callous). He raced her quite a bid when she was younger too (the sad part this is he would beat some of the top racers lol). Just because your horse can run and you can manage to stay on dose not make you a better horseman. Remember that .
@stevenson
Lol LOVE your response to them! Did they ever learn to close their tack rooms?


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

KigerQueen said:


> ANYONE and ANY horse can run barrels. My BF's dad rides this ALMOST 14hh navajo pony. She is a mutt, cute grumpy and hyped up all the time. Watching him ride and run barrels is painful, he just flops like a sack of potatoes pulling on her mouth with a tomb thumb. No control, no grace and the horse is 22 years old and can only be ridden by two people, well unless you want to be on a runaway horse that will plow you into a fence (no bit will stop her, her mouth is a callous). He raced her quite a bid when she was younger too (the sad part this is he would beat some of the top racers lol). Just because your horse can run and you can manage to stay on dose not make you a better horseman. Remember that .
> @stevenson
> Lol LOVE your response to them! Did they ever learn to close their tack rooms?


Yeah I know what you mean, I take my horse to gymkhanas like twice a year, and most of what I see is pretty pitiful, whipping, and screaming and spurring.
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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

When I didn't know better I used a tie down on my mare. Never did the screaming and spurring... I like life lol! So think about that, and how they ride. The next time they try to pick on you just think to yourself that you could ride circles around them any day. It will help them not get to you, and you could just smile at them and walk away.
I ride western, and a little english. I would also like to learn to ride the Vaquero style, and people in my area are all barrel racers (or they just think because their horse is registered, been to 5 good trainers, and that they spent an arm and a leg on it makes them better.) and people in my area don't like arabs. I have a poorly trained 19 year old arab, who if not ridden regularly becomes a handful. They don't like my farrier because he is not certified (while their are and make ALL their horses lame), and don't like the fact i have the vet out once a year if needed (I vaccinate myself). I deal with criticism from every direction everyday I just learn to ignore it.

Its hard at first, but just remember, them flopping on their spazzoid horses screaming and looking the fool, while you are building a relationship and balance with your horse .


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

KigerQueen said:


> When I didn't know better I used a tie down on my mare. Never did the screaming and spurring... I like life lol! So think about that, and how they ride. The next time they try to pick on you just think to yourself that you could ride circles around them any day. It will help them not get to you, and you could just smile at them and walk away.
> I ride western, and a little english. I would also like to learn to ride the Vaquero style, and people in my area are all barrel racers (or they just think because their horse is registered, been to 5 good trainers, and that they spent an arm and a leg on it makes them better.) and people in my area don't like arabs. I have a poorly trained 19 year old arab, who if not ridden regularly becomes a handful. They don't like my farrier because he is not certified (while their are and make ALL their horses lame), and don't like the fact i have the vet out once a year if needed (I vaccinate myself). I deal with criticism from every direction everyday I just learn to ignore it.
> 
> Its hard at first, but just remember, them flopping on their spazzoid horses screaming and looking the fool, while you are building a relationship and balance with your horse .


Thank you. I guess this is just my first time actually dealing with drama from these people. But I am having a lot more fun learning to jump, than riding around in circles with them.
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## thetempest89 (Aug 18, 2013)

If these people want to act like that, don't talk to them. 

If speak to you, be pleasant but don't go out of your way. You've got stuff to do. I *know* how nice it is to have barn friends. But you really don't need any. If you love it their and that's the only problem. Don't leave. Stuff like this will happen in job places too. It's easier to keep to yourself. I honestly like trail riding by myself. I find people who ride by themselves work harder. They're more concentrated. I see the girls at the barn I ride at, all talking and laughing while riding. They ride for 20 minutes then done. 

Don't let them get to you. They're not real friends, and I'm sorry they've treated you this way. I don't know what it is about horses and barns but it can bring the high school out of people in a really big way.


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## Left Hand Percherons (Feb 1, 2011)

This is one of those life lessons that everyone needs to know how to deal with. Better now than in the workforce. Don't ever run. Face to face conflict resolution is something most of us are terrible at. Kids these days have an even harder time because they do everything on their phone. They don't read people, they don't pick up on social cues, eye contact isn't there... They are mean girls hiding behind anonymous posts with their typically adolescent insecurities. You are proud of the direction you are going in but are letting them creep in. Don't change because of them. If you've always worked your horse in their presence, than keep doing it. Don't hide on the trail. At some point you need to be the one talking and not your BO. Practice on her than gather the other girls together with her there (emotional backup plus if you falter, she can fill in for you) and talk it out. Not easy to do but when you get through it, it will empower you.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

They're kids. They're probably just jealous that they can't go ride in new places and ride different horses too.
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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

Thanks guys, I won't let them get to me anymore. 
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## SaskGal (Apr 18, 2012)

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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

Kiger Queen, yes they would close their doors . It was a small place , usually not quarrels, mostly adults there. But on occassion the stuff would fly. many adults are very petty .Just because someone is older does not mean they cannot be petty .
Its just not kids that are rude and gossips


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

I boarded at a place where the worst drama causers and bullies where in their 70s. She acted like she owned the place and drove most people out after attacking them. Her and her "Trainer" would go after people -_-'. SOOOO glad I left...


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## thetempest89 (Aug 18, 2013)

^^ Like I said. Barns and horses can bring the worst people to that barns. At my old barn, my friend and I were in the ring, we weren't even on our horses yet. We were just talking, about random stuff. One of the cranky ladies, yelled at my friend saying she shouldn't be talking about people behind there backs. Apparently she thought we said "f-- __name of woman who was yelling at us" The words we had been saying were not even close to resembling that. But she thought my friend said that about her. 

The drama my friend has at her barn is terrible. Someone went as far to vandalized her lease horse. They cut her tail and her feathers. The owner of the horse is willing to speak up about certain things going on in the barn, they even tried to kick her out. And she's one of the nicest people who do what she can to help you. 

If you can handle barn drama, then you can handle anything in the work place. Because nothing gets worse then barn drama.


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

Agreed. I managed to stay out of it. I would just ride my horse and be gone for hours. I was also there at odd times so no one was there to bother me. Now im the only boarder at my friend's barn.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

Ugh. Barn drama. I've always stayed out of it. xD

Anywayyyy... Have you tried confronting them, at all?


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

Zexious said:


> Ugh. Barn drama. I've always stayed out of it. xD
> 
> Anywayyyy... Have you tried confronting them, at all?


Not really, I'm not a confrontational person.
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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

^I'm not either, but it may not be a bad idea to say something. Something like "Hey, you all are acting like -enter your feels here-, and it's making me feel -enter more feels here-."

Maybe there is more to it than just you riding elsewhere? You could ask about that, as well. "Hey, have I done something to **** you off?" Or... yeah xD


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## wyominggrandma (Nov 4, 2009)

So, the next time you watch them yanking their barrel horses around and sawing on their mouths just say something like" Some of the best trained barrel horses have been taught to bend and give to bit contact and are very rounded when running barrels. My English lessons are teaching me this type of riding. Maybe I can help you teach your horse to have more flex on the bit".
My granddaughter was having issues with her barrel horse. He would sling his head up and try to run through the bit. So, I had her put him back in a snaffle and work on giving to pressure and rounding his neck and body at the barrels. Even just trotting while posting and keeping her hands low and in contact with the bit. The horse is now keeping head down and bending around the barrels once again.
I ride western, but would have loved a chance to ride English.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

wyominggrandma said:


> So, the next time you watch them yanking their barrel horses around and sawing on their mouths just say something like" Some of the best trained barrel horses have been taught to bend and give to bit contact and are very rounded when running barrels. My English lessons are teaching me this type of riding. Maybe I can help you teach your horse to have more flex on the bit".
> My granddaughter was having issues with her barrel horse. He would sling his head up and try to run through the bit. So, I had her put him back in a snaffle and work on giving to pressure and rounding his neck and body at the barrels. Even just trotting while posting and keeping her hands low and in contact with the bit. The horse is now keeping head down and bending around the barrels once again.
> I ride western, but would have loved a chance to ride English.


Okay! I will try that, it's nice to have some witty responses readily available!
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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

If it was me, at 18, I'd have called the ringleader outside and let her know I was not afraid of her and my demeanor would let her know she'd better tread carefully around me. The witches are jealous that you have the best of both places and it's turned them into green-eyed monsters.


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> If it was me, at 18, I'd have called the ringleader outside and let her know I was not afraid of her and my demeanor would let her know she'd better tread carefully around me. The witches are jealous that you have the best of both places and it's turned them into green-eyed monsters.


I wish I had confidence like that, I've always been quiet in uncomfortable situations. But I am getting older, and I'm almost an adult, so I know I need to not let them bother me.
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