# Asking to ride someone else's horse?



## GoGo5 (Jul 10, 2020)

Is it weird to ask to ride someone else's horse?

I know some people are very selective about who rides their horse, but I guess I feel different. My horse is very "easy." I trained her myself, and I am the only one who currently rides her. But, if someone asked to ride, I would be open. She needs to learn how to be ridden by others besides just me.

I asked someone who boards at my barn to ride one of their horses. They said "no" (very polietly) due some recent (like a year ago) injuries that the horse has (which I did not know about).

It was so sad and awkward and cringey. oof I have my own horse but I kind of missed working with a greener horse. The owner said that he rears under-saddle. So, it was more like "shoot your shot. YOLO" type of thing.

Anyway, I really don't mind that the owner said no - at all. It's just so embarrassing. I tried not to sound arrogant (I'm still the "new girl" at the barn (about 1/2 a year)), but does asking to ride someone else's horse make one sound arrogant? It's the first time I've asked; I've always waited until offered.

Yeah. No real question or point of this post - more like a rant about me. I'll get over it. They'll get over it. The world will continue to rotate. Good lesson on rejection and taking... initiative, I guess. (I'm a teen, so more of that's going to happen.)

ETA:
Obviously, I'm not going to ask someone I'm only going to meet once or just met. But, after 6/7 months, I don't think I'm a new stranger.

Also, the owner has seen me ride. I've been riding for almost ten years. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the best rider, but it's not like I'm a total newbie who's never even been on a horse before.

I am a legal adult. The "teen" part is just point out that I am still relatively young and haven't had a lot of social experience with that type of situation.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

For some reason this is something that really seems to make horse people really mad, and I've never personally understood why people get so bent out of shape. It's not like they're being asked to sign over their home or donate a kidney to a stranger.

I have no problem with people saying no, with or without explanation given, but the attitude that it's a major personal affront is really perplexing to me. 

I've had people with no horse experience ask politely if their kids could ride my former-therapy horse, and I was happy to give them a pony ride. I've had a previous boarding barn ask if the same horse could be used in a summer camp, and I said yes. I've been offered rides on friend's horses to keep them exercised, and generally said no as I don't have time to ride my own horses enough. Some people have asked about horses I'd never be confident riding. 

If someone totally unsuited to riding one of my horses asked, I'd say no with concerns about safety.

I don't think you should be embarrassed or weirded out, but maybe take that info on board and understand that in that particular barn, it may be considered a faux pas and may not be something you want to do again until you know people better.

On the other hand, if you're at all familiar with the eventer Denny Emerson, you might remember a phrase he likes to use, which goes something like "nothing to lose to try"- meaning, if you never ask, you won't know what the answer would be.


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

I _offer_ to let someone ride my horse(s), but if anyone asked me, my answer would likely be *no*.

I offer to friends that I know wouldn't negatively impact my horses training, and that will take my instruction if they are riding my horse. Three people besides myself have ever rode my gelding. One person besides myself has rode my mare. To provide context, my gelding is beginner safe, and my mare is very green.

I have _offered_ to ride others horses in a professional sense, of providing training to their horses (paid in most cases, but also once as a free favor). I have _offered_ to finish a show on a horse because the rider was going to scratch, which was also providing training to the owner for free, as a favor. 

I have only ever asked to ride someone else's horse after knowing them for over 5 years. She had a western pleasure trained horse, and I have never rode a true lope. I guess I didn't even really ask, I said something like "wow, I have never rode a lope like that" because I hadn't, I was showing saddleseat at the time. She offered.

I would apologize.


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## GoGo5 (Jul 10, 2020)

egrogan said:


> I don't think you should be embarrassed or weirded out, but maybe take that info on board and understand that in that particular barn, it may be considered a faux pas and may not be something you want to do again until you know people better.


My time (or lack of) is definitely a contributing factor. If I have been there forever and we were friends*, I'd probably feel a little better.

*
I am also the youngest boarder. I juuust recently turned into a legal adult. All the other boarders (a small, private farm with three other boarders) have kids. Some kids are older than me. So, coupled with me being the "new girl", I tend to see them more a superiors rather than casual boarder friends.


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## carshon (Apr 7, 2015)

I think asking someone you don't know well or who may not be aware of your riding ability to ride their horse is off putting to the owner. If I were at a boarding barn and really admired how someone rode or worked with their horse and needed some help I don't think asking is a bad thing.

BUT if a person I don't know or hardly know comes up and asks to ride my horse I would definitely say no


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

I generally will not let strangers ride my horse........liability, not knowing how competent they are, if they ride fast and crazy, etc.

BUT, I will always let a friend ride or borrow a horse. Someone I have seen ride and trust their riding style and skill level and won't do something crazy to hurt themselves or my horse. I have also been extended riding privileges to ride other friend's horses a few times over the years, but they always offered it. I never ask, just because I am meek to ask for things. Sometimes I wish people would offer, but I don't ask. :shrug:

I have had people that were new friends and in order to ride they needed to borrow a horse and I always put them on my safest horse (back when I had more than one). One lady I quickly found out knew much more than I did and I gave her my "better" horse the next time. We have been riding together for like 20 years now. (She actually owned horses much longer than me, but when she first moved into the neighborhood, her horses weren't here yet because they didn't have fencing ready. And I didn't know her from anybody, so I stuck her on my beginner horse.) :lol:


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## GoGo5 (Jul 10, 2020)

ClearDonkey said:


> I have _offered_ to ride others horses in a professional sense, of providing training to their horses (paid in most cases, but also once as a free favor). I have _offered_ to finish a show on a horse because the rider was going to scratch, which was also providing training to the owner for free, as a favor.


A couple of months ago, the owner said, "O (horse) is an OTTB. He used to be really crazy, but he has calmed down a lot. My daughter and I haven't been riding him because he rears under-saddle. My daughter tried riding him, he reared and that scared her. I tried having him trained by some people but that didn't work. Now, no one rides him. I might send him to a trainer to help get him trained." (almost verbatim).

If you heard that, what would you think? 

I was kind of under the impression that he was a little _greener_ (not completely green) than my horse (a horse that can be ridden tackless and does not rear). I offered to ride him for free and try to put a start on him before the owner sent him away, stating that I do not mind his rearing habit.

The owner replied that O is "completely trained" (exact quote) and that they were only sending him away to be "finished." (exact quote).

Well, that is also contributing to the embarrassment. That's implying that 1) I wasn't listening when the owner was first taking about their horse or 2) I think that he is not trained, which is rather insulting.

I did apologize, but I didn't really know what to say.

This was all done via text. The owner thinks/knows that I am rather shy, so the stereotypical "do/say stuff via the internet that you wouldn't normally do in person" is definitely showing.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

Before I owned a horse I used to ask people if I could ride their horses all the time. The answer was pretty much always no. Once in a while someone would let me cool theirs off but that was walking on a loose rein. I didn't understand the way people feel about it then but I do now.

People ask me to take them riding or let them ride my horses all the time. I have a horse that I will let people ride here and there but it irritates me that people sometimes act as though they are entitled to a ride. (just because we know each other).

I had a couple girls that rode my horses from when they were in middle school through high school and college. They don't come around much anymore but they are both graduated and living their own lives. Plus the hunt horse they rode had leukemia and I had to put him down last year. I loved having them come out and ride.

I have been letting a teenaged boy ride recently but he really pushes and pushes for more riding time. He's very beginner and doesn't understand the things that could happen. 

I don't see anything wrong with asking someone to ride a horse but don't have your feelings hurt if they say no.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

GoGo5 said:


> A couple of months ago, the owner said, "O (horse) is an OTTB. He used to be really crazy, but he has calmed down a lot. My daughter and I haven't been riding him because he rears under-saddle. My daughter tried riding him, he reared and that scared her. I tried having him trained by some people but that didn't work. Now, no one rides him. I might send him to a trainer to help get him trained." (almost verbatim).
> 
> If you heard that, what would you think?



I would think that she believes the horse is dangerous and she isn't comfortable letting you ride it.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

@ClearDonkey, genuinely curious, what do you think OP should apologize for?


I have no problem at all with the rationale everyone has shared here about why they would likely say no. I probably would too to someone I don't know well. But why would they need to apologize for asking the question? Of course if they continued to badger on and on after getting a no, that's one thing. But it sounds like OP asked, was told no, and then dropped it. So not sure what s/he has to feel badly about.


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## GoGo5 (Jul 10, 2020)

farmpony84 said:


> I would think that she believes the horse is dangerous and she isn't comfortable letting you ride it.


Probably.

But since I asked, that could be interpreted as:

I am really stupid to work with a such rearing horse

and/or

I am really arrogant, considering that actual, real "horse-trainers" tried fixing his rearing and failed, but suggested that I might be able to.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

@GoGo5 Rearing is actually really hard to fix and it's very dangerous. My first horse was a rearer. I tried everything you could imagine. I mean we are talking breaking eggs, a broom stick to the head on the up motion, water balloons, tying twine from his tail to his bridle. I found work arounds and I counter moves - but I never cured him. He his entire riding career and we were together for 33 years.

I think that her line of thinking probably has the "dumb teenager" thought process but not in the derogatory way, more in the "teens think they can do anything" and she is probably considering the liability with it. you could get hurt and from what she did - I do think she's afraid of the horse. I really wouldn't read too much into it. But also - remember horse people are their own kind of crazy. There isn't one of us that isn't some kind of quirky.

I used to LOVE riding green horses and I would ride every green horse that I could. I don't see anything wrong with your asking to ride the horse and I doubt the owner does either. She just chose to say no for whatever reason. I don't think you should be embarrassed or offended at all.


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

egrogan said:


> @ClearDonkey, genuinely curious, what do you think OP should apologize for?


Apologize for asking to ride the horse, and potentially making the owner feel uncomfortable - I believe it was out of line to ask.

When I was in college, I would sit next to the same person 3 times a week, for 14 weeks straight. We were friends, and I would compare this to going to a barn and riding with a person regularly, and having light conversation. Would I ever ask this person to borrow his car? Of course not.

If someone at my past barn, where I boarded my horses at for over 2 years, asked to ride my horse after I saw them sporadically, I would have felt very uncomfortable. At my current barn, where I have boarded for 3 months so far, even more so.

Unless it was previously a 'normal' thing to switch horses while riding in a group, this would be a whole different scenario. Out of the blue - it's inappropriate, imo. This may be different for others, but to me, it's inappropriate. My horse, so I ride, and you will only ride if I offer.


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

GoGo5 said:


> A couple of months ago, the owner said, "O (horse) is an OTTB. He used to be really crazy, but he has calmed down a lot. My daughter and I haven't been riding him because he rears under-saddle. My daughter tried riding him, he reared and that scared her. I tried having him trained by some people but that didn't work. Now, no one rides him. I might send him to a trainer to help get him trained." (almost verbatim).
> 
> If you heard that, what would you think?
> 
> ...



If I was told that now, I would say "Good luck, I really hope the trainer helps". It's not my job anymore to get on a dangerous horse, and if I'm going to do so, I want to be asked by the person with the dangerous horse. I _will_ get paid to put my body on the line.

I'm not a miracle worker. I will not act like a miracle worker. Things I could also say "Have you had the vet/chiro/dentist/etc out? That could be a good starting point before you send him to the trainer."
"When I had a mare that reared and would flip over, it was helped with xyz, maybe that might work?"
But I truly think the best thing to ever say when something is not your business and you aren't qualified to help "I hope it works out for you".


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## GoGo5 (Jul 10, 2020)

farmpony84 said:


> I think that her line of thinking probably has the "dumb teenager" thought process but not in the derogatory way, more in the "teens think they can do anything" and she is probably considering the liability with it. you could get hurt and from what she did - I do think she's afraid of the horse. I really wouldn't read too much into it. But also - remember horse people are their own kind of crazy. There isn't one of us that isn't some kind of quirky.


Her daughter (who is close to my age) broke her jaw about a year ago from some horse-related... thing (I don't know if it was this horse or not. She said but I don't remember). Obviously, that's not good. I'm pretty sure that she thinks that I am still underage and in high-school.

I haven't seen the horse worked under-saddle, so I was going purely based on what others have said. I know that horses are a reflection of the handler. I have been on multiple horses who I have been told were rearers. I guess I have been lucky then because they (the horses) have never even offered to rear. I don't say that disrespectfully to the owner, of course, just that I was curious about why, when, and how he rears, be it pain or training or a habit, etc.

I understand about being cautious about letting others ride your horse. When I first got my horse, I sent her to a couple of trainers. Both said that she reared on the ground and under-saddle. Again, maybe I have just been lucky and haven't pushed any "buttons", but my horse has never reared with me, on the ground or under saddle. So, when people told my that my horse is a rearer, I got very suspicious about how they treated her. She's okay with beginner riders and is very tolerant except to "harsh" training.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

I think it would depend upon your real ability and the training level of the horse you inquire to ride.
We often think we are better riders than we are honestly...
When someone from outside looking in watches, their critique and putting a level of rider designation on someone is startling to many.

Then some horses are finely-tuned and a rider in innocence who is not a beginner-beginner but not as advanced as they think can get into a lot of trouble in a hurry by cuing a horse to do and you don't know you did it.

My own horse that I trust with anyone who can't ride, if you get on him and think you are going to show him...unless you touch the right buttons are in for one_ not nice ride._
I also don't want someone getting on and think they are training my horse for me.._.no thank-you._
So for the most part if you asked me to ride my horse I would look at you and say *no*.
Don't care if you ride or not, you fall off mine and get hurt, *I'm not getting sued.*
:runninghorse2:...


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

If I had a horse with a rearing issue, nobody would be getting on it but a pro, with insurance. 

Few bad habits are as dangerous. She might have just not been able to figure out a way to say no gracefully. Lots of people are poor at that. 

I think if you ask someone in future about riding their horse, be sure that they have seen how you ride, that you have seen the horse being ridden, and that you have a good relationship built up with the owner. It doesn't sound like all those things were true of this encounter. Most people are cautious about putting someone else on their horse. And they should be.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

From post 7 - the owners statementabout O, I would have to wonder how that would come up in text as a random intro to conversation, as I can't imagine volunteering that info randomly. 

If someone were to text me that I would assume they were asking for help indirectly so I am thinking there was more to the conversation history or that was put put there to see how you would reply.


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## GoGo5 (Jul 10, 2020)

QtrBel said:


> From post 7 - the owners statementabout O, I would have to wonder how that would come up in text as a random intro to conversation, as I can't imagine volunteering that info randomly.


The statement about O was told to me in-person. Although not done by text, it was random, considering that I did not ask about her or her horses and that I newer (told back in Jan-Feb.). I didn't say anything then besides, "Okay." Even if the owner offered for me to ride then, I would have refuse because I was very busy with school and getting my horse settled at the new barn. But, that was 6+ months ago and she still hadn't sent her horse away. My horse is very comfortable at the new barn and I am done with school, so I thought I'd offer to ride her horse to work out some of the supposed kinks. Besides, it wasn't a good time because of Covid-19, which she and her daughter had been exposed to. So, now it seemed like a "better" (not good) time, I guess.


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## ksbowman (Oct 30, 2018)

The best way to ask to ride another's horse is to not ask. Indirectly praise how good the horse looks when being ridden. Then say, " I would love to ride a horse like that, you look so good riding him." If the owner feels like letting someone else the horse they can say " would you like to ride him?". If they don't just carry on the conversation or change subjects to something else and no one feels uncomfortable.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

@Avna - I agree, if I had a rearer nobody but pros would be getting on that horse - even though my particular country isn’t too big on litigation (especially for someone getting on a horse of their own free will). We don’t even have such things as horse-related insurance. I wouldn’t be scared of a law suit but I would be too anxious that the person would get hurt.

I was asked by the girls from the riding school at my yard to give them lessons on my mare. After getting my breath back from laughing I just politely told them that my mare isn’t suited to kids because she’s very forward, hyper flexible and blind in one eye. I really didn’t mind them asking, I just found it hilarious that they wanted lessons from me - kids obviously have no clue.

I am not particularly interested in letting other people ride my horse. To me it would be like having someone else walk my dogs - equally strange, but with added danger for them and anxiety for me. Unless it’s a pro teaching them something.


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## Palfrey (May 29, 2020)

GoGo5 said:


> A couple of months ago, the owner said, "O (horse) is an OTTB. He used to be really crazy, but he has calmed down a lot. My daughter and I haven't been riding him because he rears under-saddle. My daughter tried riding him, he reared and that scared her. I tried having him trained by some people but that didn't work. Now, no one rides him. I might send him to a trainer to help get him trained." (almost verbatim).
> 
> If you heard that, what would you think?
> 
> ...



Sounds like her "mom" instinct kicked in and she is worried about your safety more than anything. She might still view you as a "kid" and therefore just isn't comfortable with having you climb on. I don't think she was insulted--just trying to keep you in one piece! I don't think you should be embarrassed either, you asked, she said no, not a big deal! You're probably like me and overthink things, which doesn't help. Just keep doing your thing and all will be well!


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## csimkunas6 (Apr 18, 2010)

Ive never been asked by another horse owning person if they could ride my horse, Ive let a handful of people ride my horse over the 9yrs Ive owned him and there's only one person that when he returned didnt have any absurd behaviors. 

The current people asking arent actually asking, they're basically inviting themselves out to my house to ride not only my personal horse, but my pregnant mare and my 2yr old pony as well, yeah not happening.


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## Dutch_Juniper (May 21, 2020)

ksbowman said:


> The best way to ask to ride another's horse is to not ask. Indirectly praise how good the horse looks when being ridden. Then say, " I would love to ride a horse like that, you look so good riding him." If the owner feels like letting someone else the horse they can say " would you like to ride him?". If they don't just carry on the conversation or change subjects to something else and no one feels uncomfortable.


I second this. I am not from the US (assuming the TS is), but the spoken and unspoken horse rules are somewhat similar. What I think, is that asking someone to ride their horse is a faux pas, because riding is seen as a privilege. Especially if you aren't best friends with someone. I think that has to do with the fact that horses are still elite leisure 'objects', and the horse world is very egocentric. Horses are like pets, but also a reflection of us as persons. 

For example, I struggle training my dog. If someone asked me if their could try walking my dog I would happily say yes. Maybe both me and my dog could learn something from this person. But horses are generally a lot more expensive, luxury items, and a horse has a very social status that is very much tied to its owner. So I don't think you did anything wrong, you just broke a social rule by asking if you could ride her horse. Leisure horses are so socially and culturally tied to their owners, that the rules are very specific. Like Ksbowman said, being asked to ride it (even if you set up the conversation like that) is socially accepted. Maybe, asking to ride a horse with special properties ('hey friend, I've never ridden a gaited horse, could I try yours?') is also accepted, but something in the line of 'we are equestrian equals, and not personals friends, can I ride your horse to see if I can tackle his issue?' is not socially accepted. 

Concerning an apology, I would either not apologize (because it was a bit of a faux pas but not that big) or say something like 'I'm sorry I came across like I was minding your business, I was just interested in this problem' (or whatever).


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## jrc111 (Aug 7, 2017)

There are 3 elements, I believe: what happens to the rider, what happens to the horse, and what happens to the owner. Rider gets hurt, problem maybe for horse or owner. Rider doen’t get hurt, problem maybe for horse. I train in a certain way, tend to have sensitive horses I raised from yearlings and who don’t know the first thing about pedalling, kicking the horse to go forward, yanking back, tight reins, spurs. Put someone on who does those things, if the horse doesn’t respond poorly, at the least I’ll have to do remedial training to deal with the fallout. At the worst, a wreck and a put down horse. If the rider gets hurt, then I’m at legal and financial risk. Assuming the rider doesn’t sue, the first thing the rider’s medical insurance is going to ask is where did this take place? If the rider doesn’t say on the county road in front of the rider’s mailbox, the insurance is going to go after whoever own’s the land where the accident took place. In my case, my homeowner’s has a $1,000 per year “no claim in 2 years discount”. So there’s $2K out my pocket right there, and more if they raise my rate (trust me, they will). Then, litigation. My state has an equine liability limit statute. It provides some protection, but not if “defective” tack “caused” the injury, or if the owner’s omission or commision was at fault. Those are holes that lawyers are trained to drive trucks through. For example, “wild mustang”, “dangerous riding area”, you name it, the plaintiff can assert you failed to adequately warn or match the rider’s ability to that situation, and a jury of your “peers” will decide. (quotes are mine). The plaintiff can also ask for punitive damages, with the sky being the limit.

In my state, the statute has to be posted in order to avail of the “protection”, and supposedly doesn’t have to be signed. However, I’ve been told, it’s a good idea to get a notarized signature, particularly if you endeavor to get a full release of liability.

So, I don’t get mad, I just say no except in extremely rare situations. It’s a lot different from 50+ years ago, when I climbed on Lightning, and the owner slapped him on the butt, to “show me what he could do”!


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## timeywimey (Aug 9, 2020)

While I have never outright asked to ride someone’s horse, I have (often) admired a horse and said that I would wished he/she were mine so I could ride. This has gotten me more rides than I’d ever guessed I could get. Still employ this strategy 😉


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