# WTH what should I DO!!



## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

ok soooo this is kinda a venting post... My BF and i have been together for 3 and a half years im 22 and last year aug 4th we had a baby (my son i love sooo much) anyways hes actually my fiance.. So hes been on me about getting a job and get a baby sitter soo i finally get a job and i open my own bank account he gets mad saying why didnt i just use his.. NOW hes all of a sudden telling me that i cant have a horse because hes not going to give money to take care of her and that we cant afford her .. ummm yeah hes a HUGE dirtbike off road truck guy NOT ONCE did i ever say he had to stop ornot to spend his money on what he loves to do.. umm i can afford her i make pretty good money and he just keeps hounding me saying well why do you think your parents didnt get you one when you where younger.. Umm because i had a single parent for the first part in my life and she had to feed 3 mouths. He has always gotten what he wanted when he was young so he doesnt think its a big deal soo i dunno what to do im soooo stressed about this i told him you cant take this from me. I already had to stop playing soccer because he wanted to me to work and that was hard enough!!!! AHHH i dunno what to do ... i totally envy the single women out there right!! Breaking up is not an option for me!!! HEEELLLP ADVIIICE SOMETHING!!! (kinda pathetic posting this but all my friends stopped talking to me when i had my son!!


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

Bump . i feel stuck!!


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

I personally think breaking up or taking a break in a relationship should always be an option before marriage.

I agree that he cannot tell you what you can spend your money on but he does have a point. Being young parents with a baby means there are sacrifices that have to be made. Just because you can afford something now doesn't mean you should spend your money on it. Do you have enough saved in an account that in the event you needed to pay for an emergency you could? I understand wanting a horse badly, I'm in the same situation but I'm just not financially stable enough. You're young enough that if you had to sacrifice your horse for a couple years you still have time later in life when money is not as much of an issue to go back to horses. Maybe even lease your horse? That way you still have her but are also earning some extra cash.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dedebird (May 21, 2010)

well hes your fiance normally i would say dump but no no its more then just some bf its a fiance so mabye you could just tell him no and say you give up your _____ (insert his passion in the blank) and don't stop riding its not worth it


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

yeah i completely understand if i absolutely knew i couldnt afford her. Him havin me get a job wasnt really because we needed money. But so it ensures us financially just incase anything did happen. She cost 200 a month. i make about 2k a month soo im covered and he makes more then me!! So i dunno why he can have his toys (i.e dirt bikes, quads, off road truck) that cost well over that if they break. and they break every other month! you think maybe hes being selfish! cause i know for **** sure if his bike broke and i told him to bad cant fix it he would do it anyway! So i dunno he said he would rather build me a bike then me havon my horse! Its so confusing...


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

You more then have her expense covered it seems so yeah, I would keep her if I were you. I have to disagree dede about telling him he has to give up a hobby of his, that's just trying to get back at him and that's not healthy for a relationship. Tell him in a nice tone (super essential) that this is something very very important to you and since you will be the one fitting ALL the bills you must respectively deny his demand of giving up riding.

If he cannot respect you for standing up for yourself and being independent in your own hobby he's not worth it. To me a spouse shouldn't ever have the power to make demands on harmless hobbies like riding. He must accept you and all the things you enjoy. Please tell me you are not jumping into an engagement/ marriage solely because of the baby?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

oh goodness no. But man was i pressured from his and a little bit of my side of family to get married once we found out i was prego. I just told them that im not ready to get married and im not going to just because we are prego. Yeah (besides the fact marriage scares the hell outa me been engaged for a little under a year now) but im still not ready. i agree its not like i go clubbing, or get wasted at the bar as a hobbie like most girls out here! and hes lucky that i enjoy the stuff he does a well. i will try talking to him again tonight. i think it might be cause he was spoiled as a child?


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## speedy da fish (May 7, 2009)

You need to put him in his place before you get married! If you let him get away with it then he will get it into his head that you are a pushover and that will make married life hell for you if he starts 'pushing it'.


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

Could be. I'm having an issue the exact opposite of yours in some ways but it raises the same issue. 

My boyfriend was born and raised in a wealthy family and is just now learning the money problems in the world. Since we are long distance he is very upset I want a job during the only months he's here. While I bent to his wishes because I would love to not have to work its comig to now i really need to. We've had countless talks about the fact that he does not get the liberty to order me around. He cannot expect me to sit around doing nothing while he's gone, though he'd worry less if I did. I think your boyfriend is similar to mine. He may not think any of having his bikes because he always has. Horses are something you've always dreamed of having and cannot give up easily, just try to explain that to him further. Don't let him bully you around to much! My mom raised me to be true to myself in a relationship and it does truly work to make a strong one! 

Good to hear you're not rushing into being married! It's silly for people to rush for reasons other then truly loving someone so much and being so sure marriage is the next step. I just hate people gettin hitched for the wrong reasons. Glad you're not letting anyone push you on that issue, now just apply that your mare too!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

Yeah he was up until 3:30 a.m working on his bikes so i didnt have time to talk to him about it cause i was asleep. You know whats crazy about the pushover thing.. is that he use to tell me that i was such a push over and why do i jump to do whatever me mom or bro, dad ask of me (dads back in my life  well they kinda are my family and i dont have a problem helping out family when they need it. So i dunno i think he takes my generasity as being a pushover and when i stand up for my self when he pulls crap like this he gets all mad! His mom is mexican and in her family they pretty much bow down to the man in the family. (his dad is white and japanese) but anyway i told him im WHITE i dont do that.. ill feed al of us at the same time ! (not saying this is how all mexican families are this is what his family does) I duno hes just a young stud that needs to be broke..lol!!


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

If you two cant deal with the stress of money and having a child. And talking through your problems, and not asking people on a horse forum. Then maybe marriage or even being with the dude is not a good idea right now.


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

ErikaLynn..Yeah i know what your saying but financially i know im stable.. as i said before i realize that its kinda pathetic to talk baout this on here.. But sometime its the best to hear advice from complete strangers. and a little support never hurt anyone.. But thanks for your input marriage is definately outa the question!


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

I know what you mean...if I had the same problem I would probably ask about on here too. Good luck though, and I hope things get better.


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

Thanks im hoping he'll stop being dumb.. im pretty much putting my foot down on this one though!!


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## amazon (Aug 21, 2010)

you are doing the right thing by not getting married, My daughter got pregnut they lived togather for almost 3 years, they separted and it took a while for mutal agreement on thier daughter but it has worked out on the flip side my daughters bestfriend got married and niether is happy constantly arguing and cheating. Talk to you boyfriend about watching you ride and let him see how much you love horses a relationship on both sides is great with compromise and understanding and both being a part of each others hobbies


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## sinsin4635 (Dec 1, 2009)

It sounds to me as if he would rather you be on a dirtbike with him than on your'e horse without him! Odviously he has no intrest in horses. I think he is jealous of the time you spend with your horse. And, if you could afford her before, with only him working, how can you not afford her now now that you both are working? I would'nt give up my animals for ANY man!!


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

I agree 110% on everyones advice! I just want to add, the horse might take up a lot of your time while you have a baby... Another option is to half lease, then you still have your own horse, but someone else rides her on the days you can't? 

Just thought I would throw that out there just in case you didn't want to sell, but you didn't quite have enough time. 

I hope it all works out!!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

Sounds like the beginning of an abusive, controlling relationship. Get out now. The big red flag is him getting mad about you opening your own bank account. Scary. Get out now.


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## corinowalk (Apr 26, 2010)

I agree. A relationship is about having a true partner. Not just sharing a bed or a few bills but about two people trying to help eachother fulfil their lives. If he wants things his way and you don't have a say...I say game over. 

While I understand his point that horses are expensive, if it is your passion and your down time from being a girlfriend and mom, then it is worth the expense. I am fortunate enough to ride for free. If I didn't, in my current financial situation, I wouldnt be able to afford a horse of my own. But I would always find a way to ride. And my man would certainly never get away with telling me no.


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

Be careful. This isn't about the horse or the money, it is about him controlling you. 
Please take my advice and stand up for yourself now. You must set the tone that you cannot be bossed around Before (if) you marry him. If you can pay for the horse, there is no reason that you should not be 'allowed' to keep it. If you let yourself be pushed around now, it will set the tone for the rest of your relationship. I know what I am talking about, I have experienced it.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I have a 7 month old, with my fiance. We both have our hobbies and loves. The only difference is, mine doesn't want me to get a job until our son is in school...so it's all about HIS money at this point.

What we do is this. All Bills, expenses such as house, utilities, cars, car insurance blah blah...are taken care of first. They are the top of our budget list. Then we have a fixed amount that we pour into savings each month. Then we have what we call our "play" money. This is NOT combined. It is a set amount that we can do whatever we want with...he has his, I have mine and the amounts are EQUAL....that's the important part. So Fiance can pour his into golfing, hanging out with the guys, computers, dvd's whatever he wants...it's his and I have no say in it. Mine goes into Cinny...board, supplies, vet whatever.... so yes I have to budget my allowance, or play money...whatever you want to call it, but it does allow me to have a horse and if I save up my portion and by a 3K dressage saddle, or maybe pay 200 bucks for a private lesson with a clinician visiting our stable, he can't say a single word....it's MY allotted play money.

Maybe you guys can set up something like that....he gets to spend his one dirt bikes or whatever and you have an equal amount that you spend on the horse and neither of you can gripe about what the other person spent money on and how much etc etc. It's something that you have to sit down together to do and decide on what is a fair amount...and to truely make it fair, it should be an equal amount. If things get heated, maybe have a non-biased friend or person sit with the two of you while you decided on the amount to make things go more smoothly.

I know it may not work for every couple, but it works for us and we are much happier without the arguments of "you spend money on foo fang so why can't I spend money on rah rah"


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Honestly (you posted here for advice so I figure that is what you want) you both sound like you are being immature and self centered.

I want a horse so I will have one. 
He has toys so I deserve to have toys.

Well la-te-da.

I think in the big picture of life you need to look around and see what is best for your child. 

Just because you had a kid with the guy does not mean you should stay with him. Your relationship sounds like it is not good for any of you. It certainly is not what you want your son thinking a good relationship is.


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## herdbound (Aug 30, 2010)

I was married before I got my own horse and my husband had countless fits about the cost of the horses and the maintenance. I became the Vice President of the local riding club and he bitches about that. He bitches about how much time I spend with the horses, he bitches about the book I wrote about horses. In all honesty he is jealous BIGTIME of the horses and how much they mean to me...so I can offer you advice because I am living your scenario except for one fact...you had the horse FIRST. I know you say that leaving him is not an option BUT just listen to me for a second...you need someone who supports your dreams and your desires to be happy. I do my own thing and refuse to give up my horses or my horse activities and I go through countless late night arguments because of it. Do NOT become me. My husband spent 3000.00 on a stupid BBQ grill but was upset that my horse cost 1400.00...I think the horses have made me realize how one-sided our relationship has been for so long. Look at your relationship and look at this man you plan on marrying, it will only get worse and harder to seperate if you marry him. Don't settle for anything less than what you yourself give. Besides if he loves you, he will love you as you are. And when you are a horseperson, horses are a great part of what you are.


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

I think that's a game of two. Sure responsibilities like the baby, household etc. have to come first but if you can still afford something extra after that, I think it should be equal. Not like that he can have what he wants but you have to give up things that are this important to you.

For me, it sounds like a kind of red flag too if he requires that without _valid_ reasons.

Sit down and talk seriously. I like Chinny's idea. If you still start to see more signs like that... then I'd consider the common future thing seriously.


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

Thanks for all the advice Guys its awesome.. Yeah just to note Baby always comes first no matter what and then roof over head ect. i have learned now that he is getting more selfish especially now that i have a job.. ok i understand that he took care of me when i didnt have a job but i was taking care of our son and everything that i could that didnt use money! I just had a feeling that it was the right thing to do to open my own and now i know for sure it was.. but its a double edge sword .. pro is that i can use my money when ever i want for whatever i want and not have to worrie about asking for his card and him getting mad. Con is that hes makin me pay for absolutley everything now food and bills gas and baby supplies.. and he just pays for his gas and bike parts.. hes leaving me bone dry... i told him that this isnt fare and he said well now do you see when i say we cant afford your horse... umm hello what about all the money in your bank.. we are suppose to be in this together espeacially when it comes to our son youcant do this to me and ecspect me to be ok with it an happy.. I swear its so stressful .. i seriously think im starting to get depressed about this .. Dont get me wrong my Son is the light of my life and he makes me really happy.. but to all those moms out there when you need awaytime an something else to make you happy beside your Kids well that my horse cause regardless every one needs me time and i have done the math and bills and we have more then enough to afford her.. illtry talking to him tonight again but he starting to wear me down and hes going to regret it!


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## Ray MacDonald (Dec 27, 2009)

Always stand your ground!! No matter what! 

And if it gets worse, do you really want to stay in that relationship? Evaluate your whole life and everything in it.


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## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

Simple: this guy is unfair, if he gets to spend on his pleasures, but expects you not to.

Do not marry him hoping he'll get straight over time! That happens next to never! And mostly, they get worse!

My instinct is screaming, "Do NOT marry this guy!"


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## reyvin (May 16, 2010)

Frankly i think your dumb for still beign with him. Period. As of your last post his is free loading off you. Kick his *** out and sue him for child support. Make him stand on his own two feet with out you to cook his dinner, be in his bed, or his son to smile up at him every night. If your paying the bills and surviing now, kick him out and get child suport. 

If IF and i mean a big IF, he changes his attitude and wants to work TOGETHER again then maybe you can start letting him back into your life. BUT as it stands, he is being an ***. A controling, machoist, you should be bare foot and pregnant and tending to his every whim sort of ***. Sorry- no way- not gonna happen. Kick his butt out. If the house, apratment what ever is in his name, then move out. Move all your stuff at one time and move out. Then hit the court house and file for childsupport. And then think about a restraining order because he sounds like a dumb *** hot head and a selfish self center egotist ***. And those are trouble. So keep a few baseball bats handy and never let anyone babysit your son unless you personally know that they wont let your son's father come in and take him. 

Right now- if you stick in this relationship as is, what will your son learn? But how to be a hard *** machoist that is self centered and can dictate to the women or more likely bedservents, in his life. Control is the first step into becoming abused. And if he can't get at you directly then eventually he figure how to control you through your son. 

So frankly- i think your an idiot for still being with him. Now if you move out and he realized he hit one to many buttons and comes apologizing on his hands and knees.. i might think about staying with him. But i wouldnt live with him again for LONG awhile. because he would have to prove that he really cared and was REALLY repentent for what he is doing and putting you through right now. 

this is the time to call in family for support. if only for a stop over palce till you get your own apartment. Find a friend who might wanna share a place (cheaper that way too), or just go it alone. if your family wont support you- well i wouldnt be helping them again either. 

If your friends dont wanna talk to you since you had a kid- then you picked some bad friends and need to start analyzing some things in your life. Or truly ask them if its the kid or your man that is bothering them. 

buck up, put on the big girl panties.. heck steal the danged titanium pants and a good pair of boots!! stomp some toes and kick some butt and draw your lines. 

anyone who tells me i cant have my horse (LET ALONE MY OWN BANK ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!) is heading straight for a smack bottom! 


btw.. mexican women are just like american women. you get some women who bow down to stupid stuff or any stuff (liek they tolerate being controled, beaten, cursed at, yelled it, stuff thrown at them).. and you get some with a pot of boiling water, a hot poker and switch in their apron strings, and if need be a baseball bat to enforce the kindly asked request "take out the trash!" 
true they have a more ingrained culture then we do- since we are a hodge podge of cultrues and by definition we dont have a culture.


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## CheyAut (Nov 26, 2008)

Charis said:


> Sounds like the beginning of an abusive, controlling relationship. Get out now. The big red flag is him getting mad about you opening your own bank account. Scary. Get out now.


This is EXACTLY what popped into my mind right away.


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

OK so last night it was kinda funny cause he got his bike running on the inside i was happy for him but when he was all excited and ran into tell me i just shot him down. i said the same thing to him like he said to me .. And why do i care it sounded so mean.. ugh but yeah he was like oh thought you would be happy for me.. so i was like why should i your never happy or support in the thing i love to do.. he was like Oh and walked out.. then he came back in to try and talk to me about this awesome tool box from matco that was on sale (he a mechanic) and i was like oh well you cant get it.. he kinda stepped back like what (this was the first time id ever told him no about something he wanted well besides yesterday when i wouldnt buy him lunch) .. i felt horrible being mean.. but then he kissed my butt for the rest of the night i mean the works he watched the baby so i can get to bed early he woke me up with a back massage.. it was kinda weird..lol


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## Ray MacDonald (Dec 27, 2009)

I love that post reyvin!

LOL hes a butt kisser! But good job! Keep up the good work


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

lol yeah rayvin really put a whoopin on it!! )


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Do you want to spend the rest of your life playing these games?


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> Do you want to spend the rest of your life playing these games?


I don't think they are necessarily games, I think she just really got his attention on his own ground. Maybe she will have to repeat, maybe she won't but it sounds like for a moment he may have thought about somebody other than himself for once.


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

AlwaysBehind: im a really patient person and i really do wish it was easy enough just to walk out and say goodbye but its not. Granted he is a jerk.. but not 24/7. Im a very nice an forgiving person and thats just my personality yeah it sux in some cases as you can tell thats why im asking for the advice for ideas to try. and if they dont work and i hit a brick wall then yeah of course the breaking up will be a road to go down. But talking about this really does encourage me to stand my ground and im greatful for that. It just sux because how i was raised was to be nice curdious respectful and not to judge a book by its cover and then i just recently noticed people are taking advantage of my kindness and its hard not to be.. but im working on that! Thanks for your concern and fightn for me !


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

Cinny: Im hopeing so .. but now i know that my words are meaning something!


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## VelvetsAB (Aug 11, 2010)

_The regret my mom has the most after my parents got divorced is that they didnt have seperate bank accounts from the beginning. Just because both people earn money does not mean it has to go into 1 account. In reality, there should be 5 or 6 accounts altogether. 1 combined chequing for household bills, one chequing and savings account for each person. Later on in a STABLE relationship, a combined savings account. By him saying that you should have used HIS account is controlling. He can see what you add to the account as well as what you spend and where you spend it._

_Take a break from your relationship. You might want to look into counselling to help with communication. You are young, so dont rush anything. Just because he is your sons father does not mean he is the person you should be married too._

_(I was married and seperated by the time I was 21...so this is coming from someone who wished they had done things differently)_


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

KatCashen said:


> he kinda stepped back like what (this was the first time id ever told him no about something he wanted well besides yesterday when i wouldnt buy him lunch) .. i felt horrible being mean.. but then he kissed my butt for the rest of the night i mean the works he watched the baby so i can get to bed early he woke me up with a back massage.. it was kinda weird..lol


Hun, don't feel bad for _standing for yourself_. You said that was the first time you refused something from him..?

Since also I'm very patient and tolerant person, I know standing for yourself can be so dang hard but it's the way that keeps you going and prevent others to walk over you.

I think there are a huge difference with being mean without reason and standing for yourself. Sometimes people just don't catch your way nicely...

Monitor the situation. I'd advise you to learn to say 'no' even it isn't easy, perhaps that'll fix the situation. Be still sure there isn't any real controlling issue behind your guy, if it's so then it's better to run and fast.


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## reyvin (May 16, 2010)

i know i can open a can whoop *** sometimes. I am also a very nice, easy going, laid back, dont make waves kind of person. But i have learn to not let people stand on my toes. Its like having your own space with a horse. You dont let your horse crowd you, you get him off and make him stand there out of your space UNTIL you invite him in. Same with people. I will tolerate all sorts of stuff until it affects me. And boy howdy do i get off my rump and bring the proverbial baseball bat with me. I hurt feelings, i stomp toes, and i make a nice clear wide path. Then i sit back in my recliner. Usually what ever line they crossed, they dont cross again. 

I fell bad for hurting their feelings.. but dang i have my own too!! And so do you! and sometimes the only way to make them understand that, is to swing that baseball bat. 

Hey i am all for working things out. And 3 cheers to you for NOT marrying him when you were pregnant and taking your time. The only way to get to know someone is to live with them. 

So if telling him NO, and you make him think about things by being a hardass on him, then good! Maybe its the only way to make him see stuff.

Men ARE trainable contrary to popular belief. But they can only be trained with in the limits of their personality! LOL

So if this path is working- stick to it. Swing the frying pan (proverbial... unless you have to defend yourself), with hold the food (thats spells death to most men), and so no intrest in his activities.. and explain why as you have done. If he has a good head and starts thinking about it and then deicedes he WAS wrong.. (well duh), good. 

he doesnt have to LOVE your horse. Or even like him. Just has to be happy THAT you are happy doing something YOU LIKE/LOVE! just as you are (or were)with his mechanical stuff. 

And dont forget to have a good back up plan. Like my previous post! LOL


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## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

I'm glad that you gave him a taste of his own medicine, but the question is: do you want to have to train up a guy, what to speak a husband, as an ongoing project? 

I believe that a male must have become a man--fair, secure, etc.--_before_ he's eligible to be involved in a committed relationship, what to speak a marriage.

I also believe that a real man should be the boss in a marriage, & that a real woman will be happy to submit to a real man.

As it is, you could achieve equity in the relationship by your diligence, but you'll be in an unnatural/unsatisfying position by doing so. He'll be like an employee/ child/ animal, rather than the man of the house.

Women who rule unmanly husbands don't respect their husbands.


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## ShutUpJoe (Nov 10, 2009)

You need to re-evalute your relationship. I had an ex tell me that I could not have horses. The real reason was because he didn't want me around other people, specifically guys and girls who would cause trouble between us (aka point out the truth and make me realize what a dumb butt for staying with him). A real man would do his best to support you in what you want in life as you should support him.


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

VELVET: Yeah marriage as of right now is in the distance for sure. An i know fo a fact that he wont go to cousiling, he talk very little to others. Or when we go out he wont talk at all not because hes being an *** just cause he doesnt say anything unless asked something. He has a mocho man ego when it come to getting or askng for help!

TaMMa: yeah i have been standing up for my self alot more and he told me the other night "Babe why are you acting so weird" lol and now hes gettin insecure cause hes going through my phone (he never has before) kinda weird?

REYVINh i agree with pretty much everythig you say..lol Frying pan and no food.. hahaa .. yeah he has no interest at all in horses or even when i play softball or soccer he doesnt even come to watch my games.. but i understand if he doesnt like them then why come.. but it would be nice to see him cheering me on even if its once a month.. the thing that i think is that he cant understand why i like horses so much..lol i told hm it was just like riding your bikes.. and he said well dont you really like riding i said yeah its fun but i choose my horse first.. he couldnt believe it..lol

NORTHERN: Are you a guy? .. lol Honestly i do agree with some of what you say. REAL man would be a fair and loving man one who supports not only financially but emotionally as well etc..and then i wouldnt have a problem take care of him as a wife should... but dream guys are very limited..lol Sometimes you cant help who you fall in love with and im not wanting this to be on going project but im patient...Luckily im not married yet!


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## KatCashen (Aug 17, 2010)

SHUT UP JOE: yeah i do agree and i have always supported him in what makes him happy.. now its his turn so to speak and hes not liking it very much!


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## Ray MacDonald (Dec 27, 2009)

Bull poo!!! That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard Northern! I would NEVER like NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS "Bow down" or "Submit" to ANY "MAN" and no other woman should!


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## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

*Ray McDonald: *I'll betcha you don't respect a man who'll submit to YOU! 

I didn't say, "bow down": that's reserved for God.

It's just that most males are not man enough to properly wear the pants, which fact OP bewailed.

In such a case, I say don't marry the guy, or anyone who's not man enough, even if it means being husbandless. Way less grief that way.


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## CheyAut (Nov 26, 2008)

KatCashen said:


> and now hes gettin insecure cause hes going through my phone (he never has before) kinda weird?


And you're not seeing any warning signs, seriously???? *shakes head* Wow I would have been gone a LONG time ago.


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## Ray MacDonald (Dec 27, 2009)

I actually have lots of respect for all my guy friends because that means the trust me enough to be more assertive and make good decisions. I am a naturally aggresive female, and don't take crap from people, and people know not to mess with me. I am also a feminist. And I'm gay...


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## my2geldings (Feb 18, 2008)

KatCashen said:


> ok soooo this is kinda a venting post... My BF and i have been together for 3 and a half years im 22 and last year aug 4th we had a baby (my son i love sooo much) anyways hes actually my fiance.. So hes been on me about getting a job and get a baby sitter soo i finally get a job and i open my own bank account he gets mad saying why didnt i just use his.. NOW hes all of a sudden telling me that i cant have a horse because hes not going to give money to take care of her and that we cant afford her .. ummm yeah hes a HUGE dirtbike off road truck guy NOT ONCE did i ever say he had to stop ornot to spend his money on what he loves to do.. umm i can afford her i make pretty good money and he just keeps hounding me saying well why do you think your parents didnt get you one when you where younger.. Umm because i had a single parent for the first part in my life and she had to feed 3 mouths. He has always gotten what he wanted when he was young so he doesnt think its a big deal soo i dunno what to do im soooo stressed about this i told him you cant take this from me. I already had to stop playing soccer because he wanted to me to work and that was hard enough!!!! AHHH i dunno what to do ... i totally envy the single women out there right!! Breaking up is not an option for me!!! HEEELLLP ADVIIICE SOMETHING!!! (kinda pathetic posting this but all my friends stopped talking to me when i had my son!!


You guys have had a big break in communication. Sit him down and go over your finances(his as well) and discuss how you are going to money manage everything from bills to leisure to extras. You guys have to discuss everything including what he does with his money. Bring up that it was never an issue for him to do his hobbies. There has to be a middle point. If one person stops something, then there has to be something else to replace it. This has to be fair both ways.

If he isn't willing to stop and talk and discuss things like a healthy adult couple should, then I suggest considering counciling(sp). Financials of things can be a huge problem and is also one of the biggest contentions in married as well as non-married couples. 

Communicate together.


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## ChristineNJ (Jan 23, 2010)

All I can say is horses take alot of time. I think that 1/2 leasing your horse may be a good solution. I 1/2 lease a horse right now and it is working out fine. Owning a horse is way too expensive and time consuming because I work full time and boarding in NJ is $500 a month and more plus all the other expenses. Where do you live? $200.00 a month is cheap!!! Here is the best solution.......dump the guy and find one that rides and loves horses like you do!!!!


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## Ray MacDonald (Dec 27, 2009)

Ahahha nice! I like that idea ^^


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## Solon (May 11, 2008)

Wow. Girl, you do need to re-evaluate your relationship. Being with a man doesn't mean you lose yourself. You are still your own person, with your own likes/dislikes, your own ideas, your own dreams and goals.

No one, absolutely no one, boyfriend or not has the right to get in between you and your dreams. I wouldn't give up the horse. He accepted you as a horse person, he can keep on doing that.

But honestly there are more issues here than just the horse. The going through your phone should be real red flag like someone else said.

And I would say the same thing to a guy. My co-workers get a lot of flack from their wives/girlfriends about hunting. They don't have to ask permission to do that! It drives me crazy.

You've got a lot of soul searching to do, and I wish you the best.


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

CheyAut said:


> And you're not seeing any warning signs, seriously???? *shakes head* Wow I would have been gone a LONG time ago.


Me too, *CheyAut*.


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