# 2016 = new year, new me



## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

So, a little background about me, I guess. I'm 16, live in Rhode Island, and I'm a junior in high school. I'd like to think I'm pretty mature for my age, but I don't know. I'm pretty introverted, and spend most of my time at home. I like to read (mostly sci-fi and fantasy), listen to music (alt rock), and watch netflix (mostly stuff like the office, parks and rec, etc). I have a couple of good friends, but I stick to myself for the most part. I've always been "that weird kid", so no one's exactly lining up to hang out with me. 

As for horses... I have loved horses for basically my whole life. One time when I was little my neighbor said, "All girls your age love horses!" I remember thinking, "I'm going to love horses forever". And I was right. I started going to riding camps when I was about 7. I would have loved to take real lessons back then, but my parents made me focus on karate until I was about 12. So it wasn't until 7th grade that I started taking lessons. I've been taking lessons for about 5 years now. I'm not an amazing rider, but I can handle myself fairly well I guess. My family doesn't have the time or money (or knowledge, to be completely honest) to own horses, but I would love to someday.


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## DanteDressageNerd (Mar 12, 2015)

Welcome to the forum and I'm sorry to hear about the problems you've been having. Believe me I understand. I've never had to be hospitalized but I have things too (it didn't progress until my early-mid 20s) and yes it does make you grow up and mature faster. In many ways you'll be similar to your peers and in many ways you'll be so different, it's hard to relate to anyone. Even as an adult it can be hard to relate because it changes you so much. For better or worse, it changes you. But I'm VERY happy to hear you're riding, I think that is excellent.

But very sweet and admirable you can be so honest and real about things. What kind of riding do you do?


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

The barn that I ride at mostly focuses on dressage. But there are some h/j riders as well. So the instructors tend to teach a mixture of dressage basics + jumping.


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## DanteDressageNerd (Mar 12, 2015)

Very good. Sounds like a good program. We all love pictures, so if you have any we'd love to see some pictures and keep up with you on your journey!


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

*sigh* I know that you shouldn't expect any meaningful relationships in high school, and that high school is for getting comfortable in relationships and learning how to have relationships. But it still is kind of disappointing that I haven't been in a "real" relationship. It's really mostly my fault, because everytime I get close to dating someone, I start to get nervous or something and back away. And the other person will be confused by the mixed signals I'm sending, and inevitably they'll end up dating someone else. That just happened again last week, for like the 3rd time this year. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of. Oh well, I know have lots of time to figure that stuff out.

And my friend was mad at me for no reason. And my therapist said she was "surprised" that I have friends. And apparently we are going to have three swim meets next week. it's been kind of a rough week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanteDressageNerd (Mar 12, 2015)

I don't have any great advice but I will say high school and college is for transitioning. You don't have to date but don't get upset with yourself when things don't work out. You can't force things to work. If it's supposed to work out or you're meant to have the experience, you will. Sometimes forcing something to work puts you in a worse position than allowing things to happen naturally. Sometimes it's a real blessing when you want something to work out so badly and it doesn't. It hurts short term but long term saves you from a lot of grief. There are a lot of things I really wanted to work out that didn't and I'm glad they didn't work out and some things that did, I wish hadn't. Experiences are important, you learn and grow from them but when things don't work out look at it as an opportunity to move forward in a better direction. Temporarily it won't "feel good" and it will feel "unfair" or upsetting but long term looking back you'll probably be grateful for this opportunity to grow without anyone getting in the way. Sometimes you can lose track of yourself in relationships because you're compromising yourself without realizing it or you can get pulled down a path you don't want to be on and not even realize it until you have a big wake up call that pulls you out from it. You may not see it or believe me but being single can be a great opportunity to center yourself and learn to cope with your mental illness without any obstructions. Relationships can also be SUPER distracting, especially as they head south and sometimes it is NOTHING you did wrong or anything you said. Sometimes it can't be rationalized. It just wasn't right, no matter how "perfect" you imagine it to be in your head. 500 Days of Summer can be a more accurate portrayal of what it's like in a lot of relationships. 

Even being single is a good experience, preparing yourself to be the best you - you can be. It also can prepare you on how to be in a relationship and define yourself and define what you want, how you want to be treated and knowing what to compromise and what not to.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I was nerdy and without a boyfriend through almost all of high school. I yearned for what "they " had; boys and horses . (I lived in a wealthy community, but our family was not wealthy, so no horse for me). it hurts. it literally hurts.

but, it is not representative of your future. things change. they really do. you still have to go through the hurt, but not forever.


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

So today we schooled a couple of the lesson ponies. We worked at getting them moving off the leg, bending, suppling. They're mostly ridden by little kids, so their understanding of leg is just "kick means go". So we spent a lot of time at the walk doing mini leg yields and turning on the forehand. Also, we just had mirrors installed so the ponies were a bit confused and a little frisky at first. It was kind of cute, since they're so short they could barely see their reflections but knew something was different


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

I don't have any recent videos or pics of me riding, but this is from May of last year if anyone is interested. Which is a long time ago, but if anyone wanted to give me any pointers, I'd love some feedback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doSHT8uh47o


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

So, I've been really busy with swim lately and I haven't been able to ride in a couple of weeks. We had our Division swim meets this past weekend and both the boys and girls teams placed 3rd in the state! Now that the swim season is over, hopefully I can focus on riding more. I may be able to do a half lease and I'm really looking forward to that.


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

Well it's starting to warm up here in Rhode Island! We have had a very mild winter, with only two significant snowfalls, and temps staying in the 20's and lower 30's. This week it is supposed to be in the 50's. Like everyone else has been saying, shedding season is almost upon us! (A side story - one of the ponies at my barn is bay roan. In the winter she is very shaggy and a solid dark bay. In the spring she sheds out to a silvery grey with dark points. And towards the end of summer she darkens again. I don't understand the genetics of that but I think it's cool!)

I'm very excited for spring. I hate winter. Snow is pretty and all, but no fun to shovel or trudge through. I think I'm going to have a pretty busy couple of months coming up. I'm planning on taking the SAT in May, so I'll probably sign up for a prep course. And I want to take drivers' ed. I'm not exactly sure if you have to have your temporary/learner's permit for a certain amount of time before going for your liscence. I think there is a rule that says something about that for minors. And, at some point I'm going to start volunteering at an animal shelter. For the experience, because I love animals. Plus I'm planning on going to vet school, so I'm sure colleges would appreciate seeing that on my application. (Also volunteer hours are a graduation requirement at my high school, but shh, that's definitely not part of my reasoning )

And of course, leasing a horse is in the works. I'm really looking forward to being able to ride more than once a week. In middle school I used to have two lessons a week and I think I was definitely improving faster. 

Bonus: A picture I found from when I was around 7. That pony's name was Danny and he was my first love lol. I think he was probably around 14 hands but I was tiny for my age (and still am!)


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

Well life keeps getting in the way of things... Riding is not my main "thing" and it's obviously not cheap so my parents (reasonably so) view it more as a special thing, I guess, that they aren't guaranteed to keep paying for. And since I don't own a horse and still am not leasing, getting to the barn definitely doesn't take priority.( It feels like I've been talking about leasing FOREVER but it hasn't happened yet.) Plus, I had strep AND pneumonia at the same time which took a couple weeks to get over. But I really love horses and I really want to be a better rider and horseman in general so I'm really pulling to get more time at the barn. Sort of off topic but it sometimes frustrates me to realize how little I know/understand. I'm only 16 and have my whole life to learn, but since I'm not from a horse-y family I just don't have the knowledge that some other people my age have... One hour a week doesn't give a lot of time to gain experience. I am trying super hard to learn all that I can from books and online. Obviously that's not exactly as good as having real practice, but better than nothing I guess?

Anyway, today's lesson. It was my first in a while since I've been sick and everything else. It was um, interesting. First off it was chilly and very windy, so all the horses in the lesson were a little frisky/look-y. We did a grid exercise with 4 cross rails - a one stride to a bounce to another one stride. I was the only one riding a pony, so the gymnastic was set up more for a horse stride. So I had to ask her to extend her stride a bit to make the exercise work smoothly. But with this pony (Lilly) there is sort of a fine line, between her being pokey and off the bridle, vs getting strong and charging through jumps. She actually went really well at first. The instructor gradually built up the exercise, letting us go through it a couple times before adding another x rail. So we went to the right first and I was able to adjust Lilly's stride and get enough energy but keep her quiet. Then we tried going to the left and it was like she had never seen the jumps before! She refused and ran out a couple of times, and threw in a number of bucks for good measure. I've sat through her bucks before, but today she managed to unseat me. It wasn't a hard fall, just sort of a slide to the ground. 

I'm sure all of this was mostly my fault. I know I probably wasn't asking for enough of a forward canter. I could feel her sucking back but I guess I didn't push her forward enough. I probably wasn't riding with enough conviction/confidence towards the jumps. Sometimes when we jump in lessons I start to ride a bit defensively. When I was first learning to jump my favorite lesson horse was this TB mare named Momma. She was very sweet, and had amazingly smooth gaits. But she always got strong and fast over fences. Seeing as I was about 10 and 60 pounds, it was hard for me to keep her quiet, so I got left behind a LOT. And more than once we ended up galloping around the ring with me hanging on for dear life. (And at one point my mom fell off her - at the walk - and broke 6 ribs). Idk why my old instructor let me learn to jump on her, but I digress. So now I have a tendency to get stiff and ahead of the motion when I jump. Which I'm sure is part of why I fell off. I was already leaning a bit too forward, and since Lilly is little grabbing mane wouldn't have helped, she has no neck that I could have used to help balance myself. My 2 point (and frankly my position in general) leaves something to be desired, so "wait for the jump", "give with your hands", "close your hip angle" "sink your weight into your heels", is my instructor's constant refrain. It's something I'm working on. 

Anyway, Lilly was just standing there watching me get up from the ground and brush the sand off my behind, like "Wait, how'd you get down there? All I did was kick up my heels a little..." I got back on and got a nice canter rhythm going. Turned to the gymnastic, added leg, gave with the hands, and she went through it perfectly. No bucking afterwards either. We did nicely it a couple more times and stopped there. Of course, no one else in my lesson had as many issues with the exercise, and no one even came close to falling off.  Everyone else did it nicely after like the second time... 

Well, congratulations if you read all the way through this! It's a whole lot of nothing expanded into an essay. Probably half of it doesn't make sense since I hardly know what I'm talking about. I'm sure I went into more detail than was necessary. The short of it is, (1), still no progress as far as leasing a horse, (2), I ride defensively over fences, (3), I fell off today because of that defensiveness. Anywayyy... if you're able to give me any advice based on my novel-ish description of my lesson, that would be really nice. I don't have any pictures or videos, even though there were at least five people standing around watching me mess up, haha. I know very few people will make it through all this rambling, but thank you if you do...


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

Another random tidbit you probably don't need/want to know... I never did end up getting my own saddle (I had another thread over the summer asking for opinions - don't read it haha it's probably super embarrassing). I ride Lilly a lot and haven't been able to find a school saddle that fits her well. She has basically no withers lol and a typical flat, round, short pony back. The saddles that are roughly wide enough are close to being too long (almost sitting on her loins), and they always slide forward on account of the mutton withers. BUT today I got to the barn early and was poking around in the tack room and what do I find in a dusty dark corner? A little pony saddle! It was dusty and stiff and I had to hunt down some leathers/stirrups. But it was obviously made for a pony and it fits her much better than anything else I've tried. Still not perfect, but pretty good. 

Btw, when I say little, I mean LITTLE. The saddle is probably 15", maybe even smaller. Funnily enough, it actually fits me too. Today was probably the first time I've sat in a saddle where my knees actually reach the knee rolls. "Normal" sized adult saddles are huge for me since I'm barely 5'0 with shoes on. Which is why I can still ride Lilly while my friends outgrew ponies ages ago. Still, a little embarrassing to be able to fit into a saddle obviously meant for a 9 year old! Haha


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

I wouldn't be embarrassed about the saddle at all! I'm 5 ft if I stretch up real hard, 105lbs, and I still ride in a 15' saddle. The biggest one I personally ride in is a 15.5 western parade saddle, but both my English saddles are 15, one I've had since I was 13! I'm 25 now. 

In your video, I loved how you guided that pony to exactly the right take off spot, takes some riders forever to get that. She was long to the last jump, but you rode it nicely, very easy to get left behind when that happens. 

I was a lot like you. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder as a teen, I had a small group of friends and it was a real effort to make myself go out and be social with them. (Good thing about few but close friends, you'll be friends for a long time, I still hang out with one of my best friends from high school, my daughter calls him uncle) i started riding at 7. horses were where I was most comfortable, but my parents are not horsey at all. My step dad (who's an incredible person) sold his race car when I was 14 to buy me a horse. But between school, having four siblings and then my parents losing a business, we had to sell when I was 16. From then on, I trained other people's horses. Until I was 20, abd bought my heart horse. It was only after this that I was diagnosed with ptsd. 

What I can tell you...being involved in extra circulars is wonderful for college applications. But, depending on what you want to go to school for, you have to choose your activities wisely. If you want to be a vet, being involved with horses and volunteering at an animal shelter is exactly what you need. Something that I did for a while, I got a part time job at a doggy day care on weekends and doing the dog washing there after school 3 days a week. Paid for my gas, auto insurance, and ride time. What I would do in your position, is Get my learners/license, look for a part time job at a pet store, dog grooming place, doggy day care etc. Or even a barn! Then you can afford to part lease on your own. Your parents Will see you being responsible, which is always great. 

And don't worry about high school relationships...totally over rated. When the right guy comes along, he'll try to reassure you when you send mixed signals and get nervous, not move on because something else is easier. Boys in high school are much more immature than girls and (especially in this day of age) have a totally different set of goals for a relationship. So don't sweat it, the right person Will come along eventually and see that your worth every ounce of their energy, because you are! 

I'm glad your feeling better...When's your next lesson?


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

Gosh, thank you for your long reply! It's nice to know that at least there are some people reading this. Although that also makes me a little nervous, to be honest. To think that I'm describing my thoughts/experiences to some people who I've never met...

Anyway, I'm not quite sure how to quote individual lines of text, so I'm just going to copy/paste.

_"I'm 5 ft if I stretch up real hard, 105lbs, and I still ride in a 15' saddle."_ Glad to know I'm not the only one! I tell myself being short is more versatile, I can almost any sized horse, whereas someone who is 6' would have a harder time fitting on a pony.

_"you guided that pony to exactly the right take off spot."_ thanks, I thought so. Of course, it doesn't always go as smoothly as it did in that video (as today proved). I guess I do tend to push for the longer distance when its between that or chipping in.

_"My step dad (who's an incredible person) sold his race car when I was 14 to buy me a horse."_ Wow, he really does sound like an amazing person.

_"If you want to be a vet, being involved with horses and volunteering at an animal shelter is exactly what you need."_ Yes, my thinking exactly. As for getting my liscence and a job - I signed up for driver's ed, and I've been practicing in parking lots with my dad. And there is a doggy daycare and a pet grooming place near my house, I will see if they have openings

My next lesson is a week from today (Saturday).

Ps - I've been following Ove's thread and you seem to be doing a really great job with him!


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## AnalisaParalyzer (Apr 25, 2012)

Thank you! He's a very sweet (and scared) little horse. But he tries so hard to be brave. 

I hope your next lesson goes well!


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## Cherrij (Jan 30, 2013)

Hey! Welcome to the forum!  

I know exactly where you are coming from with family not taking horses seriously or wanting to support it too much. 
We never had too much money, and still don't, but I have gotten my horse. 
At first one horse was a gift to me as we live in the countryside, but then my family got scared that he will injure me, so he got sold.. 

Just 3 years ago, I worked in a restaurant as a dishwasher, and a nanny on the side to get the money I need to buy a horse. And to find ways how to earn money to keep the horse. Now I board some other horses that gives me enough to keep mine.. 

However, my family took it's sweet time to understand that I will have horses all my life.. It has been 20 years since I first fell in love, and I had years with no riding lessons as my mother just did not want to pay for them.. I found other ways and turns out I teach some people now  

After the first competitions I was in my mom understood it's for life.. even though I don't compete. And only a year ago I heard reassurance from her that I can keep my horse... (A conversation came up that it might become too hard to keep him at some point, and as he is blind in one eye, the market is not favourable for him, and my aunt said the best would be to sell abroad.. and my mom said "it won't come to that"...). SO I am happy now.. 

Also, about anxiety and so on... I cannot really relate, but I had some depression points and issues linked with that, and horses are my therapy. Whenever I feel "off" I go to them. It is very nice to have horses at home now, because I can just sit next to the pasture and watch them and calm down... 
Also, there is a kid that is supposed to be coming to lessons, as she has some issues with tensing up etc.. Horses can be great therapy for almost anything..

Good luck in getting a lease  It will be worth your efforts


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## RoseandLilly (Aug 21, 2015)

Cherrij,

Thank you! Yes I always feel like as soon as I step into the barn, I forget about all of my problems. I'm glad your family has come around to the idea of you owning horses. My mom loved horses when she was little, and even took a few riding lessons a couple years ago. But as I think I mentioned, she did fall off and break 6 ribs. So she is very cautious as far as safety, and my dad is the frugal one. I'm pretty sure doesn't think this is a good use of time/money. Still, I think my parents are opening up to it, it seems like they can tell that this is something I am dedicated to and enjoy.


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## Cherrij (Jan 30, 2013)

My mom also had a bad experience.. . my aunt put my mother on her old lead horse, and put that horse in the middle of the trail group.. my mother had some crazy canter through the forest off the trail, and as I remember, she broke her arm... so she doesn't like them that much.. 

As long as I take care of everything, I am supported! And she likes to hear that I have fun with horses, and she thinks I am the best to happen to my horse, who lost his eye due to a stupid man, and also had some leg injuries in the last year, but I just say "one day everything will be great!"


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