# My First Story



## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

Excitement filled the air and the large indoor arena held hundreds, if not thousands of people. Talking was replaced with applause as Ginger Williams trotted her chestnut, 16.2 hand Selle Francias gelding into the ring. "Next up is Ginger Williams and her mount Restless Thunder." The ring got silent and all Ginger could focus on was the large jumps in front of her. Even at almost Grand Prix level, Ginger still got nervous at shows. Ginger pushed Thunder into a steady collected canter as she did a lap around the ring and headed for the first jump. Her heart felt as if it was in rythm with the horse's powerful canter. She sat deep in her saddle and popped up into her jumping position as the gelding leaped into the air. It felt like eternity but she finally landed safely and no rails were hit, but this was only the first jump. Her eyes scanned the ring and fixated on the next jump, a large yellow oxer. Ginger held her breath and guided Thunder to the next, she felt his muscles tense and he soared over the oxer like it was nothing. Ginger felt the steeds breath increase, each stride seemed like an hour. Soon the pair had accomplished every jump perfectly and the last jumps were a complicated combination. Ginger closed her eyes and urged Thunder toward the first vertical. The first combination jump was a breeze and the horse didn't even blink. 'one, two, UP!' Ginger thought as she flew into the air. As she landed a loud thud filled the air and the gasps of the audience soon followed. The riders hopes fell onto the ground and Thunder trampled over top of them. "Clear round from Ginger Williams and Restless Thunder!" The announcer said over the speaker. She put her fist into the air and hugged her team mate. They trotted out of the ring and Ginger dismounted. They walked to the stable area. Ginger stood by until it was time for the jump off. About a half hour of impatiently waiting Ginger's name was called to go into the jump off. Thunder snorted as she mounted and walked into the ring again. She took a deep breath and looked around. The jumps were a lot more complicated, higher, and the strides were unpredictable. She did her routine of cantering a small lap before her first jump, a green and white vertical. Thunder pushed forward and sailed over the jump with ease, making it seem effortless. The team sharply turned to the left and leaped over a water jump placed in the center of the ring. Another high verical was placed in front of them and Thunder left out a stride to jump early. Ginger thought her heart had stopped beating, the ground was getting closer to her and Thunder was no longer under her. The crowd gasped in terror. 








This is not finished. I could use some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I haven't wrote in a LONG time and this my very first horse story. To me it seems like I need more detail. I'll post more to it if I get positive feed back


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## PintoTess (Aug 18, 2010)

wow i like it keep going!!! sorry im not the one to criticize


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## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

PintoTess said:


> wow i like it keep going!!! sorry im not the one to criticize



Thanks! I am just happy to get someone's opinion on it! I've been working on it for about two weeks. I am hardy ever satisfied with my work


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## PintoTess (Aug 18, 2010)

its very good  are you continuing?


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## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

Yes I will post bits and pieces of it on this same thread  I am just trying to figure out how to start the next "chapter" of it


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

When you pasted it in you lost the paragraphs which made it kind of run together but it is really, really good. I'm enjoying. Would like a little description on the horse and rider (what they look like - what color her show coat is, etc.) but really, I could see the crowd and picture the arena. I could even hear him snorting and feel the jumps. The descriptions you do have are excellent. Very nice story. Enjoyable.


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## Mike_User (Oct 24, 2006)

I also think your story is really, really good. I thought the description was great, I could see the whole thing playing out in my head. Talk about a cliffhanger, I want to know what happens! 

I noticed the same thing Jenny did about the lack of paragraph breaks. Unfortunately, I think that could dissuade some people from reading your story since many people find large unbroken blocks of text difficult to follow. That would be a shame since it's so good so far. There also seemed to be a few grammar and punctuation issues. Of course, those are things for your editor to worry about, though.  

If you're interested in what your story might look like with some paragraph breaks and a little brush up in other areas, take a look at the version below. I tried to leave your language alone as much as possible, but I couldn't help myself in a couple of instances. Feel free to disregard all of this, of course!

Again, great story. 




> Excitement filled the air. The large indoor arena held hundreds, if not thousands, of people. Talking was replaced by applause as Ginger Williams trotted her chestnut, 16.2 hand Selle Francias gelding into the ring. "Next up is Ginger Williams and her mount Restless Thunder." The ring got silent and all Ginger could focus on was the large jumps in front of her. Even at almost Grand Prix level, Ginger still got nervous at shows. Ginger pushed Thunder into a steady collected canter as she did a lap around the ring and headed for the first jump.
> 
> Her heart felt as if it was in rhythm with the horse's powerful canter. She sat deep in her saddle and popped up into her jumping position as the gelding leaped into the air. It felt like eternity, but she finally landed safely. No rails were hit, but this was only the first jump. Her eyes scanned the ring and fixated on the next jump, a large yellow oxer. Ginger held her breath and guided Thunder to the next jump, feeling his muscles tense as he soared over the oxer like it was nothing. Ginger felt the steed's breath increase. Each stride seemed like an hour.
> 
> ...


​


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## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

Administrator said:


> I also think your story is really, really good. I thought the description was great, I could see the whole thing playing out in my head. Talk about a cliffhanger, I want to know what happens!
> 
> I noticed the same thing Jenny did about the lack of paragraph breaks. Unfortunately, I think that could dissuade some people from reading your story since many people find large unbroken blocks of text difficult to follow. That would be a shame since it's so good so far. There also seemed to be a few grammar and punctuation issues. Of course, those are things for your editor to worry about, though.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your thoughts! I usually have a spelling/grammar editor to help me out but I wrote this one in a different program and thought it also had a spell/grammar check..woops 

I do intend to keep up with the story and post some more  I'm glad everyone likes it so far!


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## Phantomstallion (Jan 3, 2010)

Great!!! Now it's time for you to post

MORE!!!
I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would be cool if she had a n accident.


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## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

Phantomstallion said:


> Great!!! Now it's time for you to post
> 
> MORE!!!
> I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It would be cool if she had a n accident.


I'm workin on it


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## Phantomstallion (Jan 3, 2010)

Come on post more. We're desperate here you know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

Ginger opened her eyes and bright lights consumed her vision. So many questions immediately popped into her head, which was unbearably aching. She heard a loud pulsating beep in her ear. Memories of the fall came back into her head, playing over and over like a broken record. She took in her surroundings.

"Ginger, are you awake?" A feminine voice interrupted Ginger's thoughts.

"Yes I am awake." Ginger was surprised at how weak her voice was. She looked up at her mother. Her green eyes were red, her brown hair looked like it hadn't been brushed. 
Her mother, Julia Williams, ran her hand through her daughters auburn hair. "Don't worry about that right now, I'm going to get your doctor." Julia walked out of the room, leaving Ginger to worry about her beloved horse. 

Ginger stared at the plain white hospital walls. There was a television in the far corner on a stand, a brown dresser, a couple of chairs at her bedside, and her bed right in the middle of the room. There was a window on the left wall and a door on the right. Ginger stared down at the I.V. running into her arm. Tears filled her eyes.


Soon a tall man in a white coat walked into her room. He had a stethoscope around his neck and pulled gloves out of his pocket. Ginger assumed this was the doctor who had been caring for her.
"Hi I'm Dr. Jackson." he said as he shook Ginger's frail hand and gave her a warm smile. “You had quite a fall I can imagine.” Ginger nodded her head even though she could not piece together what had happened. Her last memory of that day was before she even hit the ground. Dr. Jackson glanced over a paper on a clipboard he was carrying. His eyes moved back to look Ginger in the eyes. “Well one good thing is there is nothing life threatening. You did manage to break your arm though.” 
Ginger failed to notice the cast on her arm. “How long until I can start riding again?” riding was Ginger’s entire life a few days without riding would feel like an eternity! Dr. Jackson took a deep breath, “I’m not sure yet. Some breaks heal faster, others heal slower than normal. It can be any where from 3 to 4 months depending on how well your bones mend.” 


After Dr. Jackson had left the room, Ginger felt like crying until she ran out of tears. Thunder would need a rider to keep him in shape and at that time she did not feel like going to the barn, for once in her life she was afraid to ride. 


Two days after her accident Ginger was allowed to go home. As her mother pulled into the long drive way with rolling pastures on either side, Ginger looked down at the flood of their SUV. She could not bear to see Thunder or any of the other horses. Had she failed them? All of her hard work and training now seemed to be for nothing. Julia looked at Ginger and patted her knee as she approached the house small two story brick house. “It’s not the end of the world, Ginger.” Julia said as she opened the door and hopped out. “It seems like it,” She quickly looked at the white barn surrounded by white PVC fencing. Ginger sighed as she walked up the stairs to enter her home. 


Pictures, trophies, and ribbons gracefully adorned the walls and shelves in her home. Her stomach turned as she viewed a framed picture of her holding a champion ribbon and Thunder right beside her. Sooner or later Ginger would have to see Thunder.


The barn door slid open and Ginger peeked inside. There were five wooden box stalls on each side of the aisle. She was usually greeted with a whinny but she couldn’t see nor hear any horses. Putting her hands on the metal bars of the stall she peeked in. Thunder stood at the back of his stall. Ginger grasped the handle of the door and slowly pushed it open. Her hands met the soft muzzle of her horse. 






Sorry everyone this is not the best. I notice I keep using words "her" and "she" over and over again and it makes it pretty boring but I've had a terrible case of writers block


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## Kano32 (May 16, 2010)

it's great. keep going


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

I think you arwe fine with the "her" and the "She"... You skipped her asking the question about her horse though, LOL. I think it's good. I hate writers block but sometimes if you just wade through it and get stuff down then you can get yourself back on the roll. I think right now you are off to a great start. It's very enjoyable.


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## rissaxbmth (Feb 2, 2010)

farmpony84 said:


> I think you arwe fine with the "her" and the "She"... You skipped her asking the question about her horse though, LOL. I think it's good. I hate writers block but sometimes if you just wade through it and get stuff down then you can get yourself back on the roll. I think right now you are off to a great start. It's very enjoyable.


WOOPS!! silly copy and paste haha


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