# A new life...



## OkieGal

This journal probably won't be horse related as I am having to put my horsie activities on a back burner for the next few years. 

To start, I am a 17 year old senior in high school who graduates at the end of May. 
I'm not attending college, nor am I working full time as some people do.

I'm joining the United States Army as soon as I can sign those papers.
My parents are on board with it and have no problems signing the papers since I am not 18 yet.

The only thing that is keeping me from joining the Army is my weight. I have 75 pounds that I need to lose in order to be admitted into the Army. I have until the day before I graduate to sign my papers.

Let me explain that. I can sign the papers whenever I choose to, so it's not like I either sign then or never get the chance again. I have set this goal to give myself a little more motivation.

So, starting today, I have to lose 25+ pounds per month in order to reach my goal.
Some of you may think I'm crazy for even thinking that I could lose that much weight in that short of a time frame. Well, you thought right. I am crazy to think that but crazy in the sense that a goal like that isn't going to break my will.
I know this journey is going to be a long, hard and painful time. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be Army Strong and provide myself and my future family a life that I couldn't provide otherwise.

So off I go into the wide unknown, and into a new life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Well today was good. I did about an hour of good running and my MMA class which really got the blood going. 
I did have a cheat day with food. :/ I had some chips at lunch and some chicken wings for dinner. Oh well, I've been pushing myself pretty hard for the last two weeks and I deserved it. 
I've lost about 13 pounds and 2 inches off of my waist. I never thought I would feel this good! I still have a long way to go but I feel better every day.

As with my weight, I'm letting myself level out for three days or so as to not set my body into thinking its starving. 

The highlight of my day was when I called my recruiter for my two week check in. 
I told him how much I've lost and he told me that I'm doing a great job and I'm down 10% of what I need to lose. 
Made me smile, having someone encourage me like that.


I guess I'm done for the night. I have a LOT of cardio, weight training and my MMA class to do tomorrow. Should prove to be tough but fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Today went just about the same as yesterday. Did a good hours worth of cardio but I didn't go to my martial arts class. I don't really like the teachers at night, and being as that's the only time I can go, I think I'm going to find something else to do. 
Hmmm, I think I might take up a yoga class or fill that in with more cardio. I have yet to decide. 

As for food, I let myself break even again instead of trying to lose weight. I just told myself that everything was fine and that I'll be right back on track tomorrow and its good that I gave myself a little break. 

So far I'm at 234 lbs. My goal is to weight 155 lbs or so.
My max that I can weigh is 160 lbs according to my recruiter and my height.

I know I'll get there. I just have to be positive about everything I do and not beat myself up so bad over little things. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Best of luck on your journey!! You're already doing so great!


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## ChingazMyBoy

Agree with Skye,
Your doing great so far - keep up the hard work. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Thanks guys!


Well, the past two days have been hard.
I started working again for this week( I work three on, four off).
I work in fast food, but before you start thinking "oh, that's easy.", it isn't.
My job would be easy IF everyone else would do their job. Instead, I'm stucking running my drive-thru register, another register, making food, answering the phone which is the MANAGER'S responsibility, bag orders, deal with and FIX complaints. All in all, I run the store. Through all of this, my nerves are shredded. I do this for 7-9 hours 3 days a week. 
I'm a stress eater. When I'm stressed, I eat. Gives me something to do and think about when I try to forget why I'm stressing to begin with. 

:/......I've gained four pounds since thursday. I feel like crap. Like a really, really, big piece of crap. 

My parents are allowing me to work until the beginning of may. Which is something to look forward to. 
I really hate my job, and right now, I have a SPLITTING headache. 

But, I just have to remember how much I want this. I want to be an american soldier and a part of something bigger and better than I could be on my own.
I have to buckle down and get down to business. I want to lose the weight, I need to lose the weight, and I am GOING to lose the weight.
Mark my words, I will be the best I can be and what I choose to be in this life.
*Nothing* is going to stand in my way.


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## Skyseternalangel

OkieGal said:


> I have to buckle down and get down to business. I want to lose the weight, I need to lose the weight, and I am GOING to lose the weight.
> Mark my words, I will be the best I can be and what I choose to be in this life.
> *Nothing* is going to stand in my way.


Go for it!!! And don't feel like crap.. you're being given a lot of responsibility that should be others' responsibility but you're working through it! You'll work off those 4 or so pounds.. keep at it!


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## OkieGal

Thanks Sky! I've lost a pound today and I didn't stress eat like I thought I would. I just have to keep telling myself that I can do this, no matter what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Good for you Okiegal......

I spent three years in the Army, but over 30 years ago. I had a similar, but reverse situation.....I was underweight and had to gain weight to get in.

You can do this. Your time line is aggressive IMO, have you though about possibly extending it for a few more months? 

I mean, losing 25 pounds a month sounds kind of dangerous to me. 

I hope you are consulting with a doctor as you work toward your goal. Anyone helping you?

I'm pulling for you.....YOU GO GIRL!


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## OkieGal

Thanks, Gunslinger!

As to losing the amount, as long as I'm eating right and not over exercising, my doctor sees no problem with it.

I've learned that if I have an agressive timeline, I find it easier to accomplish. 

Well, since I haven't posted in 3 days? I'm a bit behind. I have however lost those 4 pounds that I gained and another pound on top of that, so 5 pounds in the last 3 days. I feel better now that I'm back on track with my diet and exercise. 
I've been jogging 2 miles a day and walking 5 miles. I space it out during the day so I don't strain my legs too much. 
I'll probably start some weight training in the next few weeks, but for now, it's just cardio. 

I'm also considering an appetite(sp?) supressant as I have massive hunger pangs as the day rolls on. I have some amount of self-control but if I'm hungry, I'm hungry. >:|


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## Cacowgirl

You have big goals, but they are life changing once you accomplish them. You are well on your way,keep up the hard work. I would suggest the weight training be started, as you will build muscle, & that will burn more calories,which is the bottom line, right? Good luck to you & keep us posted,ok?


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## IquitosARG10

Joining the military is the best decision you will ever make  It will all be worth it - and good luck!


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## Skyseternalangel

OkieGal said:


> I'm also considering an appetite(sp?) supressant as I have massive hunger pangs as the day rolls on. I have some amount of self-control but if I'm hungry, I'm hungry. >:|


That or curb the hunger with stuff that doesn't have a lot of substance to it like rice cakes or a granola bar.


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## gunslinger

Walking and jogging are good. If you have a bicycle, you could ride that in between walking and jogging.

Do you like to dance? Great cardio....

I'll be proud to see you in uniform.....


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## OkieGal

gunslinger said:


> Walking and jogging are good. If you have a bicycle, you could ride that in between walking and jogging.
> 
> Do you like to dance? Great cardio....
> 
> I'll be proud to see you in uniform.....


 
Oh wow. I don't know what to say Gunslinger.

Thank you for saying that. I just got an even bigger confidence booster! 

I spent about an hour swimming to day and did a bit of jogging. 
We had chinese food for dinner, and while it's bad for me, I'm not strong enough to resist such a delight! I did however control how much I ate.
Instead of eating 2 or 3 plates, I ate 1 moderate sized plate VERY slowly and had a couple glasses of water to help myself to stay full. 
So I guess you can say I splurged but I think I did good for eating my most favoritests foods in the world. Lord help me if I'm stationed in Korea or in the East. 
I'll be so dang big from all the good food!
But yeah, today was my very, very, very last day that I can get away with anything outside of my diet. 
It's so hard to stick to that it isn't even funny. lol.

I've noticed that I've been rather grumpy towards my fellow class mates. I'm not sure if its the food(or lack thereof), or the immmaturity that itches me. Oh well, I'll be on my own and away from them soon enough.

Is it strange that I'm more excited and counting down the days and pounds til I can swear in? Rather than counting the days til I graduate, and my sister gives me so much heck for this. Haha.

(If I sound scatter-brained, sorry, it's been an "Ooooh, Shiney!" kinda day.)


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## OkieGal

IquitosARG10 said:


> Joining the military is the best decision you will ever make  It will all be worth it - and good luck!


 
I know! And thank you! I've never really looked FOWARD to anything before but I'm excited about it. I get giddy just thinking about heading off to begin my training. 
I want to make something of myself and make my country, and my family proud. 
When I enlist, I'll be the first known member of my family to join the military. It feels good to be the first to do something like that.


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## gunslinger

I spent 11 months and twenty nine days in a place called Kempo Eup Korea.....October 1976.....It wasn't such a nice place back then.


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## IquitosARG10

OkieGal said:


> I know! And thank you! I've never really looked FOWARD to anything before but I'm excited about it. I get giddy just thinking about heading off to begin my training.
> I want to make something of myself and make my country, and my family proud.
> When I enlist, I'll be the first known member of my family to join the military. It feels good to be the first to do something like that.


 
You should feel very proud! Both my grandfather's were in the military and I am the first female in my family to join. Best years of my life! It'll be tough at times, but just remember what you're doing it for. The greatest feeling ever will be the first time you put on that uniform!!


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## Kayella

It might help for you to cut down on carbs, as well. Carbs are broken down into energy, and if we don't use them, they're stored as fat. So while you are very active, you can still cut down on carbs. Like all wheats, such as rice or bread. The greener the vegetable, the better it is for you. You can eat any kind of meat you like, it's not bad for you. I LOVE chinese food, but when I was on a low-carb diet, I exed out the rice and asked for some extra vegetables.  Good luck with your diet!!


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## OkieGal

I have all but eliminated carbs from my diet, along with any processed foods.
I cannot have more than 40 carbs in a meal and no more than 15 carbs in a snack. 
Thank you though!

IquitosARG10: I don't doubt for a minute that it'll be easy. I'm up for the challenge. I'm going to make my life a better one, I just have to sacrifice things that other wouldn't.

gunslinger: Holy crow. I bet that was a SCARY time for you. Thanks oodness it isn't too terribly hostile now. 


Today has been a good day all in all. I ate a small, low carb lunch and dinner along with my three snacks. I didn't break my diet!!!  I feel great. 
I did about 45 minutes of cardio and found out that I can jog half a mile in 7 minutes. So if I were actually running, I could probably do it in 5 minutes or so, and if I can do a half in 5, I can do a mile in 10! I need to be able to run a mile in 10:50 for my PT qualifications. I'm so glad!!!! Now all I have to do is work on my stamina so I can actually run a full mile. 


On a dimmer note, the horse that I've been taking care went back to my sister's today. I've been taking care of him for a few months. 
Needless to say, I cried. I didn't necessarily cry because it was him, but that he's probably the last horse that I'll be able to take care of for the next 15-20 years. 
I love taking care of horses. Sometimes I like it more than riding. Makes me feel needed because they rely on me. Anyway, I just cried. Broke my heart to see him leave.

One cool thing that him and I had was the way we greeted each other. 
I'd always whistle like a Robin and he'd nicker. 
Well, he was knickering as they drove away, and I tried my hardest to whistle like a Robin. I got one good whistle in before he was too far to hear me. 

I'll most certianly miss that boy. He was a real sweetheart.


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## gunslinger

The army still uses horses, maybe you could join the first of the third?

The Old Guard - Caisson Platoon

What a great webpage.....quite nostalgic, and one of the few units with horses in the US military.

I don't think you said how you intend to start your career, what MOS are you looking at?


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## OkieGal

I had thought about the old guard!!

I want to be an animal care specialist, but I know it's a very small field.

I'm probably gonna go for a combat medic or wheeled vehicle mechanic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I'd like to encourage you to choose a skill that crosses over into civilian life.

I know your intentions are to serve 20 years and retire, and so were mine, but in my case it just didn't work out that way.

I did get a wonderful education in the army, one that drove my career forward in the civilian world, and have no regrets in regard to my service.

If you choose carefully, should you decide to leave the military, you can bring a skill out with you that will support you and your family.

I think that it has become much more difficult to stay 20 years, and I run into many people who were forced out before they could retire.

Do what's best for you, and forget about the "needs of the army".


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## OkieGal

I'm gonna try like heck to stay in that long. 
I have thought and being a combat medic, reenlisting as an MP and then after that's over, becoming an officer. 
If the officer part doesn't work out, I thought if I had the MP experience, becoming a police officer and have a canine. 
Just a thought. 

And if none of THAT works out, I'm going to use my G.I. Bill to become an equine vet specializing in either dental or chiropractic.
Maybe have a farrier job on the side.


Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been busy working.

I have lost another 4 pounds though! My work pant that were once skin tight, are now lose! I actually have to pull them up every so often or else I'd probably lose my pants. Lol.
I've had to take in easy on my exercise because I've been straining my knees too much. 
Since I'm so over weight and out of shape, my knees aren't used to the amount of exercise that I've been doing. And I fell on my knee last night so it's swollen. 
But still, 4 more pounds! I'm so excited! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

I've officially lost 15 pounds since I started. I feel good about that and I actually did a 5 mile workout. 


But here lately, I've been rather depressed.
I miss my horse and being with horses. 
I want to ride but I don't know anyone how teaches lessons near me and I don't have any tack. 
Not to be a baby about, but it makes me wanna cry. There's a big hole where my horse used to be and I can't fill it. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

OkieGal said:


> I've officially lost 15 pounds since I started. I feel good about that and I actually did a 5 mile workout.
> 
> 
> But here lately, I've been rather depressed.
> I miss my horse and being with horses.
> I want to ride but I don't know anyone how teaches lessons near me and I don't have any tack.
> Not to be a baby about, but it makes me wanna cry. There's a big hole where my horse used to be and I can't fill it. :/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I guess I missed it, what happened to your horse?


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## OkieGal

I had to sell him last fall due to my poor financial situation.

He was my heart horse and it kills me every day not knowing where or how he is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Yea, that sucks....I certainly understand, been there, done that, wore out the tee shirt.

Work hard, and one of these days there will be another horse waiting for you....and you'll be able to provide the best feed and the best hay for it!


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## OkieGal

I know I will! I did what was best for him. 

Gosh, I haven't posted in a while...Sorry. I've been so busy that I completely forgot about this journal.
I've lost 22 pounds so far. I feel so much more confident and happier. I feel so good now. Im a completely different person than I was a few months ago. My weight loss has slowed but I'm still staying positive and happy about. I know I'll get there. All its going to take is hard work and patience. 

Off topic, but I've got guy problems.
There's this guy I work with that I like and I highly suspect the feelings are mutual. He just has a hard time acting like he likes me. I know he does, he can't hide it that well. To add to that, we've known each other for years. I've finally set aside my judgments of him and turns out I really like him.

Is it normal for guys to act like they don't like someone in front of their friends? I don't point out that I like him and he's fine with that. Heck when we hang out together, he's really sweet. He is always wants to either go with me somewhere or take me somewhere too, but it never works out. This week is my spring break from school, so we both have the whole week free.
He asked me to go on a 4 day trip with him, just him and I. 
Im still erked 'cause I couldn't go. I could tell he really wanted me to go so we could spend some needed time together. I just don't know how to deal with his fickleness. One day he's talking to me and being really nice, and other days I don't exist. I don't try to hang around him and bug him, I just let him do his own thing. If he comes around, I talk to him and flirt with him.

I just don't know what to do!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

First, congratulation on the 22 pounds. I've started my fitness pal and set a goal to lose 10 pounds. I've been at it a week so far and haven't lost a pound so your certainly ahead of me.

Ahhhh. Boy problems.....welcome to the world of Venus and Mars.......

Young men usually act that way, at least at first.

Let me just say, boys are easy to catch if you use the right bait. First rule of fishing....keep your bait in the water.

You might ask him to do something for you, like, check the oil in your car.....then you can talk with him while he shows you how manly he is, all while helping a poor....helpless...(not).......young lady.....


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## OkieGal

That wouldn't be a bad idea if he didn't know that I can do that stuff. Heck, I can do alot of things that he can't but I never point that out. Could he be intimated by me? He plays the age old 'I'm not afraid of you' card, I get that. I can be a bit forward and blunt sometimes. Is that a bad thing? I feel like I'm pushing him away when I get like that. 
Should I be a little more reserved and 'soft' instead of being forward?

Another thing, he doesn't call, text, or anything like that. He hasn't ever asked for my phone number. I don't really want to text or call him and seem like a creep if it turns out that he doesn't like me as more than a friend.
Is it bad that he hasn't tried to keep in contact?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Just be nice to him, and be yourself. You can't force this, just like you can't force a horse. Guys like to be needed. You can already do that stuff (like checking your oil), so even though you can, maybe act like you can't. I mean, silly me, maybe I'm old school, but checking oil isn't real feminine. Besides, you're going in the military. That might be a reason he's a little standoffish. You leaving, I mean. It's hard to get to close when you know someone's leaving.


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## OkieGal

Thanks gunslinger, for putting up with my girlie antics. Lol.
I know that checking my oil and all things mechanical aren't very feminine, but it's something that is required at my house. Plus saves me a TON of money when something brakes and I can fix it instead of paying someone else. 

I'm still at 25 pounds lost and that's ok. I've been I'll and had minor "surgery" to correct ingrown toenails on both of my big toes. So I haven't been able to exercise while my toes heal. 

I'm beginning to realize just how much I'm going to leave behind. I'm graduating this year as well so that's even more of an uprooting feeling. 
I'm really, really going to miss coming to school in the morning and just walking through the hallways and seeing so many people that I know. I don't have many good friends but I have alot of buddies that I hang around.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited that I'm joining and I cannot wait to enlist.
I don't know who to describe my feelings but I guess I'll get over it. I can always come home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Once you enlist, no you can't "always come home". If thats what you meant. In the service you will make new friends & become part of very big team. Hope your feet are healing well & you can get back on your exercise program soon. Keep a positive attitude & keep the updates coming!


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## OkieGal

I know that when I enlist, I can't go home. 
I meant as in I know where home is and I'll always have that.
Like when I have a leave time, I can go home and visit and see everyone. I'm planning on going to every high school football game I can go to. Random, but just my way of remembering where I came from.

I'm looking forward to meeting new people in the Army. I hope the Army is like a big family. I'm sure I'll meet people who are a pain in the you-know-what but all in all, I'll be backed by people who will do anything for me, and vice versa.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Yes,the service is very much like a family. I had 3.5 years in the Air Force. I had intended to stay in for 20 years, but decided I really didn't want to live in a different country & I also fell in love w/my then farrier, so I got out, became a stepmother to his youngest & learned a LOT about horses. Life is a roller-caoster-enjoy the ride!


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## OkieGal

I'm glad to here that! 
I'm ready to go!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Well, I'm rather disappointed in myself. I've plateaud, I haven't lost or gained any weight in the past two weeks. 
I'm nervous about checking in with my recruiter tomorrow. I'm ashamed that I can't call and tell him that I haven't lost any weight. I feel like absolute CRAP. Oh well, I'll just have to suck it up and tell him.


To distract from the original topic, I've been feeling immense loneliness for the past week. I've always been the independent, strong, hard-shelled girl. I've never dated anyone and I've always told myself that I don't need anyone to take care of me.

I feel so terribly lonely that it drives me to tears. I want someone to be absolutely, and unconditionaly in love with me, and vice versa. My heart feels like it's going to break everyday.
I don't mean to sound like a sappy, emotional teenager but I want someone to love me. More than just love from my family, but love from a man. I'm becoming increasingly more worried that there isn't someone special out there for me. Like I'm meant to be alone. 
I don't know how to get rid of these feelings. I just want them to go away and never come back...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Okie Gal, just one word of advice from a fellow who's already been there and done that.

The military will lie to you. I don't know how to say it any nicer and there ain't no sugar coating it. Get everything in writing and base all your decisions on the fact they will tell you one thing and then do another.

The army isn't a big family, so don't kid yourself into thinking it is. You will form some very close relationships with some of the people you serve with, but if there is a decision to be made, and you don't have an agreement in writing, then the army will make that decision based on the needs of the army, not yours. You will be know as GI, or general issue, merely a very small player and a pawn on the board. You'll be used however the army sees fit to use you, up to, and including, loss of life and limb. 

You loose your civilian rights and fall under the code of military justice. There isn't any democracy in the army.

You can still change your mind, and no one will think any less of you. This is a huge commitment with consequences unforeseen that goes along with it. 

DO NOT ENTER INTO THIS LIGHTLY, THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS.


Now, be advised, and proceed with caution. I've told you how it really is.


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## OkieGal

Gunslinger, I take your advice to heart.
I have been a tad disillusioned as to how the army can be. 
Now that you make that point, I'm more cautious as to what I take for truth.
I think I'm ready for this. I know I cannot portray my intentions and emotions through an online forum very well but here goes my best shot. Do you remember hearing the saying 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?' 
I think that to myself on a daily basis. I'm doing this for my country, for my family, and most of all, for the stranger that I may never meet. I take great pride in being an American citizen and having the option to serve or not.
If you would have asked me if I was going into the service a year ago, I would have said no way!
But due to life's cruel sense of humor, I've determined this to be the best thing for me. I WANT to serve and defend my country. I feel it is what I'm meant to do. Who I'm meant to be. 
What I'm going to say next is something that no one knows. I haven't told my family, friends, or anyone else. 
Deep down, I'm not afraid to pull a one-way ticket. Sure everyone fears the PAIN of death, but I'm not afraid of dying. I'm going to do it sooner or later. Why prolong the inevitable. 
Don't take this the wrong way, I am in no way mentally unstable or suicidal. 
I'm just preparing myself mentally for what my future may hold. What can and may happen to me. It's the nature of the beast, some win and some lose. 
I sure hope I win, but I'm preparing myself if I make my final stand in a foreign place.


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## gunslinger

You'll make a fine soldier, but it brakes my heart to think of the politics behind our foreign policy.

I served under Jimmy Carter, another sad time in American history, especially for the military.

Many good things came to me because of my service, and I hope you'll pick a military job that will benefit you when you decide to come back to civilian life.

To quote Shakespeare, " A coward dies many times his death but the valiant only taste of death but once".

I never feared dying much, but rather, living as half a man. Yes, there are fates worse than death.


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## OkieGal

Thank you, gunslinger. 
You've been helpful and in a way, inspirational to me. 
I feel stronger about my choice now. I feel like a stronger person.


I talked to my recruiter wednesday as I'm required to call every two weeks and update him with my weight. I told him how I haven't lost any weight, and to my surprise he wasn't disappointed. He told me that everyone goes through this and that I can do it. I have so many people who are backing me, I find it crazy to think that so many people are supportive of me in this new life I'm choosing. 
Like I am truely meant to do this, and truely meant to be a soldier. 

Right now my weight is at 216lbs and I have 56lbs to go. 
Looking at those numbers now, I see how far I've come. Just a short time ago, the numbers were 245lbs and I had to lose 85lbs. Crazy huh? 
My goal is to be enlisted before my 18th birthday. 

I'm gonna make it, there's no way I can't.


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## Cacowgirl

Stay positive, be strong,& keep your mind open. Pulling for you!


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## gunslinger

Yes, I'm proud of you! You've made fine progress. I've been trying to lose a little weight myself. Not near as much as you, nor near as fast and you've done better than me hands down.

I remember a fellow that got put out of the army due to the "overweight" program. He was a huge fellow, who went on a quest with the platoon Sargent helping him to lose weight and fall back under the number.

The guy was strong as an ox. I watched him pick up the backend of a volkswagen bus while another fellow put a block under it. No matter what he tried he never lost a pound and they wound up discharging him.

I've been using myfitnesspal.com to track what I eat. Sure is enlightening as I've been able to cut back on a few things and start the trend going in the right direction. I started at 198 and weighed 189 this morning but it took me a month to get nine pounds off.

So, actually, seeing what you're able to do, inspires me to lose another 10 pounds or so.

You go girl! Rock on!


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## OkieGal

Thank you, gunslinger!

I'm afraid that might happen to me too. 
I'm pretty stocky. Wide shoulders, waist and hips. I'm stout and strong so I'm just as surprised as you that I've lost this much weight. 
I'm just afraid that they'll pull something like that on me. 
I'll never be stick thin. Heck I'd be a bean pole if I wear in a size 8. I'm just not built to be very skinny. Plus my muscle mass is a lot higher than my appearance leads one to believe. Heck, I bet if they did an actual BMI test instead of assuming, I'd either be a lot closer to my goal or be able to enlist now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Northernstar

The very best of luck to you, OkieGal! What a tremendous goal for someone so young! Also, remember that muscle tissue weighs more than fat tissue! I have a little thought as well - you have mentioned you're a stress eater, so maybe try this - when you feel stressed, go instead and buy a new top, or cool book, spring tote, etc. A little way to spoil yourself _without any guilt the next day!!!_


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## OkieGal

I try to get away from all forms of food when I'm stressed.
I just go outside and read a book, maybe go for a walk. I never feel guilty for doing that kind of stuff. 
Thank you, Northernstar!


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## Skyseternalangel

*Wow!*

You've already lost so much weight and have your goal in sight. Well done!

As for the guy.. don't lose your ground. It's the same kind of thing as going horse shopping. Yes there is a gorgeous gelding but you don't just buy him because of his lovely buckskin coat. You see how you work with each other, and go from there. It's not a bad thing to have never dated, just be careful with the first guy that you really hold interest in. If you fully invest and commit all of your thoughts and feelings and energy into him.. and then he's just looking for that pretty coat, you're going to get very hurt. 

Honestly I wouldn't spend so much 1 on 1 time with him at first, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you couldn't go on that trip. Try little 1 on 1 things, group things.. just have fun! You're still young and have huge plans


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## OkieGal

Thanks Sky.

The whole guy thing, not gonna happen.
1. I don't really need that kind of distraction right now. Would I like to date someone? Yes, very much so. Would it be helpful and provide progress towards my goals? I very seriously doubt that.
2. He's the typical teenage boy. Thinks he's a man but wouldn't know how to be one if it bit him in the @$$.
He decided that I wasn't pretty enough for him. Oh well, his loss. He'll come to realize what he gave up.
No worries! I'm not upset about it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Definitely his loss. But you're such a hard worker!

Keep on truckin' girl!


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## OkieGal

I will!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Skyseternalangel said:


> You've already lost so much weight and have your goal in sight. Well done!
> 
> As for the guy.. don't lose your ground. It's the same kind of thing as going horse shopping. Yes there is a gorgeous gelding but you don't just buy him because of his lovely buckskin coat. You see how you work with each other, and go from there. It's not a bad thing to have never dated, just be careful with the first guy that you really hold interest in. If you fully invest and commit all of your thoughts and feelings and energy into him.. and then he's just looking for that pretty coat, you're going to get very hurt.
> 
> Honestly I wouldn't spend so much 1 on 1 time with him at first, so maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you couldn't go on that trip. Try little 1 on 1 things, group things.. just have fun! You're still young and have huge plans


Excellent advice Sky. 

Okiegal, I've raised two daughters. I've seen them work through these kind of issues, and my advice is to learn to love yourself, not that you don't, but I sense a lot of young ladies on this forum struggle with this. For what ever reason, they want to be something other than what they are.

Be confident in yourself. Beauty's only skin deep. Physical beauty is only one part of what I call a three legged stool. 

The boy scouts describe it as Physically strong, mentally awake, morally straight. 

Your persona exist not only in the physical, but also in the mental, and most importantly in the spiritual.

Most of us are not beauty queens or Mr. Universe. The other aspects are what make us beautiful, the ability to reason, and our love of god.

Your wonderful just the way you are.


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## Northernstar

Gunslinger, I not only like this, I love it - many young ladies do need to hear such sound advice more often. Your daughters are very lucky to have such a wonderful father! Happy Easter, and may God bless your day!


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## OkieGal

Gunslinger, I think I'm a tad jealous of your daughters. I wish my father were as caring and observant as you!

I am most certainty more confident in myself than I was. I see myself in a better way than I did months ago. 
For sometime, I only saw the negative. I would put myself down and find every little excuse or comment I could to insult myself. Now, I see the positive things. I see that while I'm still not where I need to be, I'll get there and i know I can do whatever I set my mind to. 

Today was eventful, but at the same time, the usual Sunday for me.
I took the day off to go to church and celebrate Easter with my family. That was fun, lots of jokes, food and fun. I did eat a tad too much but no more than I usually eat in two days.
I don't eat very much anymore and I was glad that I allowed myself to have an actual days worth of food for once.
It's terribly hard to get by on 1200 calories a day, but i manage. My stomach is quite happy with me today. It's the strangest thing though, I don't even feel guilty about eating what I ate. I guess it's cause I went for a 2 mile workout a few hours after I ate. I still feel good from it.

But my workout plans for the next 2 weeks are to be able to jog 2 miles and do 15 pushups in a minute.
I think i can do it. Just gonna have to hit the gym hot and heavy for the next two weeks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

OkieGal said:


> I wish my father were as caring and observant as you!
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



OkieGal, While you may not be able to see it now, The only thing greater than a mothers love for her son or a fathers love for his daughter is god's love for his people.

Just reading your post, I don't think you dad's done a bad job. Maybe step back and re-assess? I think you might see how special you are to your dad after all. 

Keep in mind, mom's and dads advice might not be what you want to hear, but I have no reason to doubt that they have your best interest at heart, and as you come out of your teen age years, you'll save yourself a lot of trouble if you can take their advice. Trust me, mom's and dad's love there children soooo much, they won't tell you what they don't believe to be best for you, although, it may not always be the easiest thing for you to hear.

Nobody, and I MEAN NOBODY, is ever going to love you like your mom and dad.

And another thing. There isn't a training manual for being a dad. I've had plenty of time to reflect on the situation and now realize there are many things I could have done better.

Don't think the woman you are now is how you're always going to be. All of us change over time, and hopefully, for the better. I refuse to believe that even the worst man can't change if he finds the spirit that lives in the heart. The only one which we have to power to change is our self.

The biggest difference I've found between young men and young women is that young women will take a man and think "I'll change him". Young men find a woman and think "she'll never change". The truth, as I know it, is we can only change our self, and the only way to do that is to realize what the truth is.


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## OkieGal

Alright. Haha. Let me rephrase that.
I wish my father outwardly appeared to be as caring and observent as you.
Granted my father isn't as keen to showing emotion as other dads, but that's just him. One thing he has taught me that I'll keep with me til the day I die is to carry my own weight. He's taught that if I want something, that I have to be the one to get it. 
He's also taught me to be independent and to not give two-**** about what anyone else thinks unless their opinion matters. I have a lot of friends who call me a hardace. You know what I ask them? I say, "Have you met my dad before?".
I'm a stone-cold person when the situation calls for it. Because he's taught me to be that way. I am to be the rock in my life. Other than God, I'm the only one that I should depend on to come through and take care of business.
But enough about my dad, I'm getting all touchy-feely. Lol.


Goodness, the past two days have been hectic. Yesterday, we had tornado warnings so I was busy getting stuff ready for the possibility that we were going to get hit. In all my years of living in good ol' Oklahoma, I've only been genuinely threatened by a tornado once. That was last year and not only was is less than 5 city blocks from hitting my house, it jumped on a different path and destroyed my barn. Thank goodness we didn't lose anyone but it was just crazy.

Speaking of that day, I look back and see how close I came to not typing this post. The tornado had grown to an F-3 while in town and as it barreled closer to my home, I could feel it coming. The walls began to shake, the power was long gone, and we all huddled in the bathroom waiting for the impact. 
It only took seconds for the tornado to jump track but I still felt as if I was going to lose something that day. As the tornado headed toward the barn, I experienced a dreadful calm around my house. Everything lay still and quiet. Even my pets were gathered in the living room, nervously.

Then about thirty minutes after everything was said and done, there's a phone call. It's my sister's boyfriend. By the grace of God, he was on his way to the barn right before it hit. My mom is the one who answered the phone and she just looks at me. "The barn's gone.", she says. I felt my skin grow cold. I can't manage words at this point, only tears. I told her that I had to go. I had to get out there to my horse. She told me that all but one road was closed. I stared her straight in the face and said, "I'll be damned if I let that stop me." I walked toward my truck and she told me to stop. "We're taking my truck, yours will get stuck.", she says as I get out of mine. 
I think that had to be the longest five mile drive in my entire life. After what seemed to be an eternity, we made it to the barn. My mom couldn't even stop the truck before I was out and running. I had to jump a few small trees and navigate my way through piles of fencing and lumber. I finally end up at what would have been the entrance to the barn. The whole building is in ruins. Fencing is strewn in all directions, stall buckets are broken and scattered everywhere. None of the horses are anywhere to be seen. 
Slowly, but surely, all the horses are gathered from the surrounding fields. Two have severe lacerations to their legs and one to his shoulder. But these wounds would heal with time. 

My horse is the last to be found. I see her trotting up a dirt trail south of the barn and I nearly scream. I call her name and she ****** her ears. It takes just seconds catch her. I run my fingers through her long mane, and it feels as if we've been apart for years. As I check her over, I'm shocked. Not a SINGLE scratch on my filly, not even a hair out of place. Out of the seven horses that were at the barn, she is the only one to come out of it without even so much as a rumpled coat. 
I chalk up that days miracles to my guardian angel, Harly. She was my first horse and I think she was protecting us that day. Showing that she's still here for me. 

Sorry for the long post, I just felt like rambling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

We had an F3 hit about a mile from my place on March 2nd. Had several hit our area last year in April.


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## OkieGal

These tornados are ridiculous! I hope everyone was ok for you, gunslinger.

We have a tornado right now hitting Norman, hopefully my grandparents and friends are safe and sound. 
I'm in central Ok, so lets just see what the night brings for us. I don't predict that I'll be getting any sleep tonight. I'm usually the self-appointed watcher when this time of year hits. 

I hope everyone stays safe.


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## Northernstar

gunslinger said:


> We had an F3 hit about a mile from my place on March 2nd. Had several hit our area last year in April.


I remember seeing all of that on the news up here - do you know what we were getting only a few states north on March 2nd? A huge, massive snowstorm that when all was over 2 days later, left us with 3 solid feet of snow. It was miraculous that we didn't lose power the whole time, (we're in a remote wilderness area), but more populated spots north of here were out for almost 2 weeks. Anyone with a shovel and can-do spirit can handle a blizzard, but I prayed everyday for those who had tornadoes. I can't imagine.


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## gunslinger

Looks like Oklahoma is getting hammered with storms now. 

Northernstar, we had a very mild winter, no snow. I think we're headed straight for summer.

Planning to ride with a group of friends tomorrow, should be blue bird weather, high around 77.

Okie Gal, I've lost 6 pounds over the last month. What you've done already is truly amazing.

Now hunker down and hold on!!!!!


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## OkieGal

Great job gunslinger! Getting past the initial 5-10 lbs is a miserable time.

I'm down 10 more pounds since I talked to my recruiter. Which was the 11th? 
So far I've lost 7 inches off of my hips and 3 off of my waist in ten weeks. I still have a long way to go but I'm pushing myself pretty hard.

From now on, I'm focusing on gaining muscle and cutting my measurements down. I knew that if I lost weight first, I'd find it easier to keep going once I got to this point. I'd like to be down to 190 the beginning of may. I know I can do it, just takes time and patience.

BTW, I'm jealous that you get to go ride, GS. I haven't ridden in sooo long. It'd be the perfect thing to lift me up right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

What do you need to weigh to satisfy the recruiter?

We had a really good ride today. There were 5 of us, three walking horses and two quarter horses with a bunch of over fifty gals and geezers on top. The horses were really relaxed today, and seemed to enjoy being out too.

You don't have any pals with horses you can ride? I've got a young 3 year old colt that needs a young tough lady to teach him the finer points of being a horse. Wish you were closer!


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## OkieGal

By army standards, I should weigh at the most 160. The deal is, if my body measurements are on or under the right length, my weight can be more than 160. 

I bet today was a good day. If i wasn't stuck and work for the entire day, I'd be out and about. I don't have any friends with horses. My "sister" has horses but for some reason she won't let me mess with or ride them. I'm not a bad rider, nor horseperson. I don't have the greatest amount of experience but i know how to get out of and avoid trouble. Maybe she just has a problem with me being heavier. 
My "sister" is stick thin and she never has really liked me. I get the feeling it is because of my weight but i stopped caring about what she thought a long time ago.

I wish I were closer too! I love working with the young ones. Keeps us on our toes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Urgh, I really need to post here more often. I get so side-tracked that I forget its here, haha. Anyways, on with the show.

I haven't lost any weight but my measurements are getting smaller and according to my bathroom scale(which I don't trust one bit but it keeps me positive) says that I'm 40.9% body fat. The most I can be is 36%. So I'm that much closer!

I also took some senior pictures today. If I can get them uploaded onto my computer, I'll post some. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I seem to have plateaued myself. Haven't had time to do my 3 mile walks this week.


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## OkieGal

Just keep working at it. It sucks, but it happens to everyone.

One thing you can try is getting some small weights(5-10lbs) and just take 5 minutes here and there to work with them.
Say you do that 6 times a day. That's 30 minutes right there. 
I know how hard it is to get in those long works because they take more time than we usually have to spare.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

.......I may have found my old horse. 
I had to sell him last year due to a car accident and I've been heartbroken ever since. 
Fingers crossed that it's really him. I saw a picture of him on a Craigslist ad today and it was like being slapped square in the face. The picture looks EXACTLY like him. I'm in contact with the owner and I'm going Monday to look at him. 

I just get this feeling deep down that it's him. I know it's him, I pray that it's him. I want to bring my boy home!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

What are you going to do with the horse when you go in the Army?


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## OkieGal

I am making plans as to what will be done.

If it isn't him, I would be coming home with a horse so I won't have to plan.

If it is him, I will be caring for him on either partial care, full care, or self care as is necessary to my working situation.
When I am deployed, I will have him boarded at a full care facility near my parents so that if they want to visit or check on him for me, they can do so easily.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Thought I'd post a few of my senior pictures.


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## gunslinger

I just love a picture with a pretty girl and a pretty horse!

Makes me wish I were 35 years younger!

So, was that your former horse in the picture?

Was it him on craigslist?


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## OkieGal

Haha. Thanks, GS!
No, he isn't my horse. He's a horse that my grandmother lets graze some of her acreage.
My old horse was a flea-bitten gray.
I haven't had a chance to go see him. Hopefully, I'm going Monday to see.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Sending best wishes on your horse search.


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## OkieGal

Thank you, Cacowgirl.

I haven't been able to contact the seller or the person I originally sold him to. If I am able to go see the horse, I will. If I can't, I guess life goes on. I've been thinking about how I will take care or make arrangements for him while I'm gone. I know that I can do it but the only knowledgeable horse person in my family that is close is my sister, and she isn't one that I want to rely on for his care. 
I think what's best is to just let him go. I'll always have my memories of him and I will have another horse in time. It was selfish of me to push that kind of responsibility onto my family. 
And not to mention letting him sit in a field or stable somewhere for who knows how long while I'm gone.

It breaks my heart that I can come this close, yet be so far from him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OkieGal

Well today is the day. I'm going to look at him. 

I just have a gut feeling that it's him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Okiegal, Let us know how it works out. I think it's going to be complicated keeping a horse and being in the army.

That said, I know there are a lot of people who leave family, friends, and pets to serve their country so it can be done.

I never thought I'd care so much for a horse, but danged if the ones we have now don't own my heart. Especially my mare, Lacy.

It would be hard to not have her around, so, I understand.


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## OkieGal

It wasn't him. I don't really know how to feel right now. I'm indifferent, I guess. I wanted it to be him. I was ready to take him home. I guess it just isn't meant to be right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

You have other plans that require your attention right now. If it were meant to be, it would have been.

Focus girl, focus!


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## OkieGal

You're right, gunslinger. I need to focus. I'm half way through, and I want to be able to sign either before or on my 18th birthday. I've got til June 22nd.

But, with the horse, I'm okay now. I realize how much of a strain it would have put on me and my family to care for a horse. I was tempted to take the grey that I saw yesterday. He was a cutie. Well build with a good personality.
I told myself that I wasn't coming home with a horse unless it was him, and it wasn't. I can only hope that in time, I'll find him again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Lovely senior photos! 

You'll get your horse someday.. you could always think about leasing when you're stationed somewhere too! Much better than ownership if you'll be hopping about.

Right now I'm far away from my horse for 2 yrs and I have to rely on so many people to care for my boy (I just write the checks lol) and it's absolutely terrible how much I miss him and how he nearly got into a lot of health trouble and training-backtracking..

You've come a good ways so far.. keep it up!


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## OkieGal

Thank you, Sky! I really liked that gelding. He's a real sweetie. Although we had an episode with the fly spray. I don't think he'd ever had fly spray put on.

I have thought about leasing after I'm done with AIT and if I'm going to be on a base for 6 months or so. I doubt that I will be, what use is a COMBAT medic sitting on a stateside base? lol. 
I'm really wanting to take riding lessons because I'm itching to ride! It's probably been 8 months or so since the last time I was able to ride. I think that would dull my horsie cravings. 

I'm sure it's terrible being away from Sky. He's young though, I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to right the wrongs. I believe that a horse will always remember those who show it kindness and great care.


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## OkieGal

This is what I looked like in August of 2011. I weighed around 250lbs. And yes, that is the horse I've been looking for. I still owned him then.


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## Skyseternalangel

What a great picture, and wow what a difference in you! Keep on going


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## OkieGal

I know! So far, I'm a pound shy of 45lbs lost starting from 250lbs.
I'm still going! I'm NOT going to give up now.


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## Cacowgirl

Oh, he is a very nice looking horse. Congrats on how far you have come,& don't give up! One step at a time, one day at a time, make good choices & love yourself. You can do this!


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## OkieGal

Thank you Cacogirl! He was a great horse. Very sweet, and very, very smart. 

I talked to my recruiter and I only need to lose 9% of my body fat to enlist! I think I can actually do it before my 18th birthday! What an amazing day that'll be!


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## gunslinger

Just saw on the news, the army is laying off 24,000 enlisted and 5,000 officers.

Are you planning on active army, army reserve, or national guard?


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## OkieGal

Active. My recruiter is one of those 24,000. He's been given the "suggestion" to retire after 27 years. He told me(yeah, I know I sound like a brainwashed pawn already.) that that 24,000 consists of retirees, those who aren't up to standard for the Army, and those who aren't advancing in their ranks that the Army would like. 

I can see that being a possibility. I plan on being active 'til my enitial enlistment is up and maybe go into the reserves for another 4-6 years.
I planned on doing active duty until I was able to retire, but I don't think that it will work out like that. I found out through a bit of research that I can become a Physician's Assistant, which makes a nice chunk of change a year, through my experience as a combat medic. 

Still playing around with how long I'm going to be in. Just doing a bit of thinking right now.


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## gunslinger

Just keep in mind they'll lie to you.

What ever you do, do something that will carry over in civilian life.

The medical industry seems like a high growth area. If I were you I'd do some checking with people now in the medical industry who are ex military and see what they would do differentl had they to do it again.

Some MOS's might be good, others not so good.

I hope when you leave the military, you leave with a high skill set and can make a good wage, and support many horses!


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## OkieGal

Most certainly. I know they'll lie to me. Nature of the game. I get the feeling that my posts read that I believe everything they're telling me. Trust me, I don't. I'll believe it once I see it.

I'm definitely going to do something that crosses over to the civilian world. I see the medical field as something that we'll always need and there will always be a demand for competent, intelligent, and experienced individuals to be apart of the medical field. 
With the Physician's assistant, I believe I have to have a bachelor's degree, 4 years of experience in the medical field, and a 2 year course to become a PA. If I remember correctly, time spent within the MOS can translate into college credit. So hopefully, if it's a 4-6 year enlistment for 68w, I'll have enough experience to have a bachelor's degree. If not, I'll use my G.I. Bill to pay for the remaining schooling that I need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

When's graduation?


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## Skyseternalangel

SO excited for you!!! 9% will go lickity split. Just keep at it, girl!

And honestly.. most people in life, particularly employers, will lie. Humans suck in that fashion.. but it's a part of life. You'll handle it well


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## BarrelWannabe

Hi guys, it's me. As you can see, the OkieGal was banned.
Let me explain this. I started on HF under this user. I was using it up until October when I had to sell my horse. I wanted to forget about everything to do with him. So I took an extended break, and in violation of HF rules, I made another account. I didn't make it with the intentions of having an alter ego, I just didn't want to have to read my previous threads about my horse. I'll ask now that you not judge me upon these previous threads as I was ignorant to many things. I still am but not to that extent.

I understand if you don't want to post on this thread anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

BarrelWannabe said:


> Hi guys, it's me. As you can see, the OkieGal was banned.
> Let me explain this. I started on HF under this user. I was using it up until October when I had to sell my horse. I wanted to forget about everything to do with him. So I took an extended break, and in violation of HF rules, I made another account. I didn't make it with the intentions of having an alter ego, I just didn't want to have to read my previous threads about my horse. I'll ask now that you not judge me upon these previous threads as I was ignorant to many things. I still am but not to that extent.
> 
> I understand if you don't want to post on this thread anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why were you banned? And I'd talk to the team via that part of the forum.


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## BarrelWannabe

Because it was a multiple account. I didn't see much sense talking to them as it's against the rules to have more than one account. They didn't ban this one as it's the original account that I have although I haven't used it since October of last year up until now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Actually, November was the last time I used it. I had gone back on to it to delete the personal information off of it and that's when a mod messaged me about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Well only a matter of time before they ban this other account of yours, too.

Personally I'd talk to them and explain the situation. If they ban you again.. well..... I don't know what to tell you.


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## Cacowgirl

Well, that's too bad. Usually the bans are for a limited time? Hope you can stay in some form & know that many of us are pulling for you in your struggles to attain a new life.


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## BarrelWannabe

That's really the only reason why I'm staying. This journal gives me motivation. I read from the beginning and see how far I've come. I hope they don't ban this one.


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## Cacowgirl

One day at a time. Sometimes it's two steps forward & one back-but, it's still progress. Keep plugging away at it-You've done very well & once you're in the service,hold on to your earnings so you can build up a "nest egg".


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## BarrelWannabe

Oh most certainly. 
I'm gonna save for a nice little farm. Somewhere where I can be around MY horses as much as my heart can take. 

Today I feel really strong in my decision. More so than I've felt before. I've never thought about giving up, just my focuse has gone astray for the past week. But today is going to be a good day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I hope they don't ban you too you naughty girl you!  LOL

Those "pesky" terms of use agreements.....

Any way, glad you're back, believe it or not I was kind of worried about you.

Now, when's graduation?


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## BarrelWannabe

May 24th.

I know, I'm terribley sneaky. Haha, oh well. I guess I'll stick with this user. It isn't like I've made 4 or 5 different accounts. Just this one, and later, the other.


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## Cacowgirl

yep, got to play by their rules-such is life.


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## BarrelWannabe

I know. I need to break myself now of not wanting to follow the rules. I'm sure in the military that it's much more severe if rules are broken. 

Heck, I have a friend who is in school with me and in the army. He's been threatened will jail time if he fails his classes. O.O
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Yes the military doesn't mess around when it comes to disciplining (sp).


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## BarrelWannabe

I know. Its going to be q culture shock but for once, I'm glad my dad is a hard*** about everything. At least I'll have an idea of how its going to be.

Well, I went to the doctor yesterday. I'm on an appetite supressent and works well. I never feel hunger, have more energy, and over the last month, I've lost 17 pounds. 

I'm close, I can see the finish line now. Every day, I wake up and tell myself that I'm one day closer. It keeps me driven. I want this so badly. I want to be someone that my family and friends can be proud of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Most excellent!

Your on the home stretch, glad you're almost there.....

You go girl!


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## Skyseternalangel

BarrelWannabe said:


> I want to be someone that my family and friends can be proud of.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They're going to be proud of you regardless, you're making a future for yourself and working so hard


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## gunslinger

BarrelWannabe said:


> I want to be someone that my family and friends can be proud of.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You already are.


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks Sky! Its hard sometimes but it's all worth it.
Gunslinger, you're too much. C: haha. Thank you.

Here lately, I've been looking at what the cost of land is going to be here in Oklahoma. I really, really, really, want to have 60-80 acres and a nice little house. Something that I can use in my lifetime and pass on for my family to use in theirs. I don't know why, I'm really stuck on this right now. 


As of today, I have officially lost 40 pounds! I feel so darn good! All in three months. I'm half way there and I've only got two more months til I'm 18. Time is just flying by, and its absolutely crazy how everything is almost knocking on my door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

What's good horse land go for an acre out there?

By the way, I've lost 8 pounds in 2 months.....I really don't know how you do it?

40 pounds..(that's something to be proud of)...how many left?


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## BarrelWannabe

40 more! Ugh! I literally have to lose the equivalent of my little sister in weight. 

I don't know how I do it either. It just happens. I see food as the enemy. Something that I'm not going to let stop me from doing this. I guess I just jump started my metabolism too. Before, it was dead as a door nail. Now, its like lightening! I can't eat anything that I want, but what I do eat doesn't stick around.


As for the land, I'm not sure. I've been looking at tracts and 60-80 acres of quality land seems to run 100k-120k. Which I don't think is bad and I'd be willing to pay. Then again, that's just on the internet and I'm only beginning to scratch the surface research wise. 
I'm more concerned with how much of a loan I can get when the time comes and how much land I can get with a house on it. I'd be willing to have a 60k-80k house with 120k-140k worth of land if I could get that big of a loan. Of course I'll be building up my credit history and score while IN the service versus out. Being as I won't have pay for many of my necessities while being active. All of this will be with time. I'm patient, and I'll be saving every penny so I can have a nice down payment for something. 

Heck, I'm not even sure if I'll come back to Oklahoma. I would like to move farther north. Somewhere like Nebraska, Kansas, or Colorado. I can't stand being in a drought state. Granted I love my Oklahoma, it just wouldn't be a good idea to have horses and live here. Not without paying an arm and a leg for hay and everything else during a drought. 
Buying $13 crap hay last year was enough to spook me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I did some work a couple of years ago in Durant, Grant, and Pocala Ok.....before the latest drought. Durant and Grant I flew into Dallas and drove up.

It looked pretty nice, flat, but nice.

I think I could do NE texas or SE Ok.....but, there is something about these hills that keeps me from roaming...to far.


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## BarrelWannabe

I've thought about Tennessee. It's a beautiful state. A bit too expensive for me to do what I want. 

This is perfect. If I had the money and the means, I'd be building a house and barn right now. 
BEGGS, Okmulgee County, Oklahoma land for sale - 37.5 acres at LandWatch.com

It's a tad smaller than I'd like but plenty enough to raise a family and a nice little farm on. I'd like to build the house, barn, and buy the land all for $275k.
Granted, I may seem a little crazy for thinking like that, I think it could be done. 
A nice 3 bedroom, 1-2 bath house and a 4-6 stall barn with 16x16 stalls and maybe a small arena later on down the road. Sounds darn near perfect to me.

Here's a barn that I like.
http://www.barnpros.com/products/american/cascade36a.html


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## gunslinger

Sounds like a great plan to me. Thus, the importance of picking a MOS that will provide the income necessary to acquire your dream place.

I'd say you're headed in the right direction. If you're going to give the military several years of your life, make sure they give you something back.

My career started in the Army. I was lucky, I got a great school and hired on with IBM three years later. I'm not with IBM any more, but those skills learned in the army opened many doors.


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## BarrelWannabe

And I love the Army for that. If I wasn't joining, I'd be in my 40's before I'd be able to even think about buying a house and land.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

BarrelWannabe said:


> And I love the Army for that. If I wasn't joining, I'd be in my 40's before I'd be able to even think about buying a house and land.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's really hard to say.....I mean there are other ways to achieve a goal.

College comes to mind.....

Lands expensive....I've only got a few acres, wish I had more.


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## Rascaholic

Op I ran across this while I was doing my own journal entries. Please let a perfect stranger say how proud she is of you and what you have accomplished so far!!!
You have the drive to do anything, the imagination to find ways to make it work, and the mind set to go as far as you wish. You might run aside for a couple strides, but you pull yourself back on track quickly. That is something a lot of young folks have no clue about.
I can't wait for you to reach your goals. I appreciate you sharing as well. You are an inspiration to this old chick. Thanks for putting yourself out there. It takes a lot of courage to do this.


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you, Rascaholic. I feel proud to type here. It gives me something to look back on and see how far I've come.


Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been BUSY with prom, graduation, weddings, heck I'm probably forgetting something now. 
Prom sucked though. I felt awkward because I didn't have a date. No one asked me and all of my friends already had dates. I still went and thought it might be fun even though I was dateless. Wrong, it was boring and I ended up leaving after an hour and a half. I walked out to my truck, got in, and cried for a good 5 minutes. I got all dressed up, spent all that money, and for what? Nothing. I didn't even dance with my friends or anyone else. So I guess that's the last time I get dressed up and try again.

But aside from being busy, my weight is doing good. Right now, I weigh 203 lbs, which is the lightest I've weighed in 6 years. I'm pretty stoked. I'm half way there and it's only taken me 3 1/2 months to get here. I should be able to enlist and go to basic this fall!


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## BarrelWannabe

AND my grandma's donkey is colicking so I've been up since 7 moving cattle panels into a pen and trying to herd her into it as she isn't halter broke or very socialized. Needless to say, I'm tired and a little grumpy.


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## Skyseternalangel

BarrelWannabe said:


> AND my grandma's donkey is colicking so I've been up since 7 moving cattle panels into a pen and trying to herd her into it as she isn't halter broke or very socialized. Needless to say, I'm tired and a little grumpy.


Yeah I didn't go to Prom, I didn't see the point in spending all that money for one day. Sorry it wasn't such a great experience for you. Big hugs <3

As for your weight, WOW!!!!!! Good going girl!! You're on the last leg of the race! I am so excited for you, and I'm rooting for you like crazy over here!!!

How's the Donkey doing?


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## BarrelWannabe

She's doing better. Up moving around and seems to be a bit more comfortable.
She's bloated up quite a bit but not as bad as it was this morning. She's been drinking water as well, which is good. 
She hadnt pooped by the time I had to leave but my grandma is watching for some.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

I really need to post more often. I'm getting lazy. Haha.

Well Molly, the donkey, is doing better. We found the other two donkeys that had been missing for some time. I knew they were just doing their own thing. We have a pond towards the back of the acreage they can drink from, so all is good.

As for my measurements, I'm only an inch away from where I need to be for my waist! So excited! My mom told me she was proud of me for the first time. I have yet to hear that from my dad but that's just how he is. Doesn't care much about emotions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I think your dad is proud of you no matter what your waist measurement is.

He probably doesn't feel like he has to tell you because he expects that you already know it.

What really matters is you're happier with yourself!

Nice job young lady!


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## Skyseternalangel

You go girl!!!!!!


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank ya, thank ya guys!!


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## BarrelWannabe

Urrg. So much JUNK food eaten this weekend. Its gonna take me weeks to recover. Oh well, I haven't gained any weight so yay!

My brother's wedding was on Saturday so there was a lot of going and running and eating of junk food. Bleh. I literally had a carb overload. 

I had my graduation party on Sunday as well. I felt really out of place as my two cousins, they were part of it too, are both fairly slender and feminine. Then there's me. Almost 5' 7", built like a brick house, and towering over them like a bull next to a calf. Made me feel weird. 
Everyone "roasted" us, telling funny stories and giving their best wishes. Everyone was curious as to what we were doing after high school. They asked my cousins first and they're both going to college. One out of state and one to a CC. Then they get to me. I'm sure everyone expected me to say that I was going to college, and one person asked where I was going to go. I said "I'm not going to college. I'm joining the Army." I was surprised to receive an instant applause. I was shocked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gymkhanaprincess7

Like Rascaholic said, from a complete stranger, let me tell you how absolutely amazing it is, doing what your doing. I read this thread today and I am very inspired, and as for the applause at the graduation party, I'm right there with them. I can't really give you advice about the military or anything (Couldn't if I tried, I'm 13.. LOL) But I am completely inspired. What you are doing is FANTASTIC. Keep on doing what you're doing


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## BarrelWannabe

Oh well, *blushes* thank you! I hope to do my country, and family proud. Anything else is just a plus. I think that this is what I'm really meant to do. I'm staying positive and not allowing anything negative to a effect me. 

As for being 13, wisdom doesn't always come with ages. It comes with experience. You could be 35 and not have a lick of good advice. Or you could be 13 and have the greatest advice. Thank you. Your inspiration makes me that much more determined and confident. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rascaholic

Good for you girl  I saw the 1 inch away from your goal size, and the carb weekend (it happens, don't beat yourself up. move on to better things)


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## MangoRoX87

Another first time reader, and let me say WOW!!! You have done great!!!

I love people that our willing to serve this country of ours.



I myself have been looking at land too. I'm looking for more of the 40 acres and up range...I want at least 20 that I can use to harvest hay. The problem with the cheaper land, is that you are MILES from any civilization. Which sounds great, actually AWESOME if your like me and freaking hate people (lol), but that is a lot of gas as far as commuting goes..I like going on unitedcountry.com, I've picked out my dream home soo many times I think it's good to dream My last day of school is on the 24th and I graduate on the 26th. I'm an Okie too, what school are you from?? 
It's good to see you have everything picked out so well for you future and planned. I'm big on living for the day, but everyday is a step towards your tomorrow, and you have to be ready for that as well. Everything comes just so fast....So many kids these days with their YOLO and whatnot (dadgum Hoolagans!) have absolutely no plan for the future.. Everyday I am proud of my boyfriend because he has learned to work hard for everything...there was I time I was scared he wasn't going to pass highschool. He graduated Sunday with a 3.8 GPA...he is surpassing ME. OUCH. Hahaha. He started freshman year with at least 450 kids in his class. 162 graduated.

Sorry to ramble and hijack your thread bahaha


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks, Rasca!

Mango, I'm from El Reno, or El Ghetto. Haha. Its aptly named so.
I have to agree with the good land being out in the boonies. I'm like you, people are just disturbing to me. Lol. I don't want to be able to see my neighbors house even if I'm on my roof. 
The problem that I've run into is I find a large tract of land but it isn't even close to a paved road or its hunting land! Grrrr! 
Kids these days are all about here, and now, not tomorrow and later. Ya gotta plan for on down the road. 'Cause that's where you're going to be one day. I'm hoping that the Army will provide me with the discipline and attitude necessary to achieve my goals. 

But 450 kids? Dang! Shoot 162 is the size of my class including those who've dropped out. That's crazy. Its not very hard to make it through. Granted, that's not considering having good grades and all but still!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Well around here 40 acre parcels are the norm, but most of us have to haul in ALL our own water-so farming is not happenning-it's just "space". & being about 20 miles from town- having good neighbors helps-we all watch out for each other,& help when we can.

Keep up the good work-you are very close to your goal. Do you have a date for basic yet? Do you have a career field set up & the training for that?


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## MangoRoX87

I go to Mustang, not far from you!! my grad class is 580...sooo not ready for a long graduation. The boyfriend went to Western Heights, that school is soooo ghetto. All of the coaches have basically been fired for getting "involved" with students if you know what I mean....

I'm excited for you, I think the army will teach you great things. I thought about it at one point, but I snap easily when people put me under pressure. I don't want a drill Sargent freaking out when I ball my eyes out when my hormones kick in high gear hahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Cacowgirl said:


> Well around here 40 acre parcels are the norm, but most of us have to haul in ALL our own water-so farming is not happenning-it's just "space". & being about 20 miles from town- having good neighbors helps-we all watch out for each other,& help when we can.
> 
> Keep up the good work-you are very close to your goal. Do you have a date for basic yet? Do you have a career field set up & the training for that?


 
NO! Ugh! My recruiter doesn't want to talk about that stuff until I'm ready to go through MEPS. I'm a tad irritated that I haven't been given the opportunity to look at MOS's. On the other hand, my ASVAB isn't where I'd like it to be and I'm going to take it again either after or before I go through MEPS. 
I feel like some kind of "wannabe" when people ask where and when I'm going to basic. All I say is that I "still too fat" and it's enough to get the impression that I'm not actually going to do it. Even my mom still say IF I join. Makes me plain mad when she or anyone else says IF. It's not if, it's WHEN. >.<


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## BarrelWannabe

MangoRoX87 said:


> I go to Mustang, not far from you!! my grad class is 580...sooo not ready for a long graduation. The boyfriend went to Western Heights, that school is soooo ghetto. All of the coaches have basically been fired for getting "involved" with students if you know what I mean....
> 
> I'm excited for you, I think the army will teach you great things. I thought about it at one point, but I snap easily when people put me under pressure. I don't want a drill Sargent freaking out when I ball my eyes out when my hormones kick in high gear hahah
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I might have a problem wih that. I get teary eyed if I'm REALLY mad, so they'll probably think I'm crying just to be a baby. But that is just the DI's job. He doesn't get paid to be a nice guy. He's paid to be a horse's ***. Haha.


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## MangoRoX87

True that..I'm too nice to have his job hahah
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

I might get by with it. I'm meaner than a Mexican Fighting Bull. Except for the whole cry when I'm mad part. Haha.

Well, I had graduation practice today. It was bittersweet though. I was glad that I'm this close to graduating but I'm sad that one of my good friends wasn't able to graduate with us. He died in a car accident less than a month before our senior year started. I think about him every day and how he deserved to be there. His life was cut too short and I wish it would have been me instead. He should have been able to go on and do great things. He was a star athlete, student, and person. 
I think to myself that since he can't live his life, I'll live mine for him. I'll be the best that I can be and do the things that are plum crazy just because he'd dare me to do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Sounds like a good motivation.


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## BarrelWannabe

Yes. I loved him. Not like a romantic love, but as a brother and friend. I miss him every day. He drove me crazy but it was a good crazy. I'd give anything to hear that goofy laugh of his one more time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MangoRoX87

I'm sorry to hear that, but glad to hear about the motivation it has given you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

BarrelWannabe said:


> I might get by with it. I'm meaner than a Mexican Fighting Bull. Except for the whole cry when I'm mad part. Haha.
> 
> Well, I had graduation practice today. It was bittersweet though. I was glad that I'm this close to graduating but I'm sad that one of my good friends wasn't able to graduate with us. He died in a car accident less than a month before our senior year started. I think about him every day and how he deserved to be there. His life was cut too short and I wish it would have been me instead. He should have been able to go on and do great things. He was a star athlete, student, and person.
> I think to myself that since he can't live his life, I'll live mine for him. I'll be the best that I can be and do the things that are plum crazy just because he'd dare me to do it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At a funeral for a friends dad a few years ago, several of us, all long time friends and past school mates, took a walk through the cemetery.

There were several graves that reminded us of those who never made it out of high school, almost all died in car wrecks.

I still read the obituaries of my home town paper most every day. As I age, the number of acquaintances who appear grow, but there are many much younger than I who are also memorialized in the obits section of the paper.

We never know when the end will come, but we do know the end always comes. We can't change that.


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## MangoRoX87

We had one of validictorians commit suicide a couple months ago...one past away right before prom last year when she didn't wear her seatbelt...

They both have senior adds in the yearbook. It's going to be hard to not see them walk the stage.

Life is fragile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

I agree. Life is fragile, but that's just how it is. 

Walked across the stage and got my deploma. I'm done, but it hasn't sunk in yet. 
One good thing about graduation was they saved my friend's seat and called him name. The whole senior class along with most of the families cheered. I nearly cried. He's been gone for over 9 months but our Fieldhouse was on fire when they called his name. I'm glad they did. We all remember, and we will never forget him.

Onto the bad part of graduation. I have strep throat, and it was hot as hades in there. I've been running an average temp of 101 since yesterday morning and it SUCKS. My throat is so swollen that I have to either breathe through my nose or stick my tounge out to keep from choking myself. Ugh, I hate it. 
I haven't been able to go to the gym since tuesday. To make matters worse, the only things that don't hurt to swallow is yogurt, ice cream, broth, and water. I've had enough broth and yogurt to feed a third world country yesterday so now I'm sitting here like a big ol' chug eating ice cream.


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## BarrelWannabe

As of today, I've officially lot 45 pounds! I'm so dang excited! I weigh 200 lbs and that's the lightest I've been in who knows how long. I'm getting closer and closer. I'm certian that I'll be enlisted before the end of july. I'm not sure that I'll be there before my birthday.

Speaking of my birthday, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I really, really, really wanted to get a tattoo but I can't before I go through MEPS. -.- So frustrating. 
I might go to a racetrack in the city and bet the ponies since I would be old enough. Haha. 
I'm not sure what I'm going to do.


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## gunslinger

Girl, your grandpa will take sandpaper to that tattoo....Now don't go loosing your mind just because you graduated and are turning 18. :-x

Tattoo's are forever.

Oh yea.....happy graduation!


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## BarrelWannabe

Depends on which grandpa.  I like tattoos that have significant meanings. They are a great representation of that particular person's moral character. 
They tell such great stories in both how they were made and what they mean to the person who wears them. 
I want to get a portrait of my first horse on my shoulders so I've always "got an angel watching my back", and the initials of my friend.

Trust me, I'm not gonna go wild til I turn 21! Haha. 18 isn't that big of a deal to me. 

Thanks, graduation was kind of crappy but I'm thankful I was there and able-bodied to walk across the stage. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Good news, my strep throat is gone! I get the go ahead to start working out again.

Now time for super, mega, ultra, fantastic, awesome news!!!!........
My I found my old mare.

Alright. To cut down on confusion, I'll elaborate. I have owned 3 horses. My first horse, the one I posted in the horse memorials about, the mare that I found, and the gelding that I had mentioned about finding him but it didn't turn out to be him.

This mare, her name is Savana, was the first horse I had after my first horse passed away. I got her as a green broke 3 year old. She was a little too much for me so I sold her to my "sister's" ex-boyfriend and then bought the gelding. Well, you all know how that went. 

So, I messaged my sister's ex on facebook last night and he still has her out on his land! He sold her to someone who works for him and she's being worked for two weeks at the stock yard but he's still keeping her out there. I'm still shocked she's there. 
I told myself that after I got out of the Army that I'd find her and have her again. Well, it might be a little sooner than I expected.
Let me share some interesting things about this mare. She was born on May 8th, 2007. My first horse passed away on May 8th, 2008. Savana has an H branded on her left shoulder. My first horse's name was Harly. On May 23rd of last, we had a tornado rip through the barn where we had our horses. 2 horses were severely injured, and most sustained minor cuts and scrapes. She was the only horse that didn't have so much as a hair out of place. I had been out at the barn just 30 minutes before and before I left, I told her "to be safe". She was. I believe that day, both her and I had someone watching over us. It was just too spooky of a day to call it coincidental. 

I'm a very superstitious person. I think thinks happen for a reason. 
My gut is screaming at me that I should be prepared if she is for sale again. So, I got my job back today and I start working again tomorrow. 

I just get the feeling that something is gonna happen. Good, bad, I'm not sure, but I'm ready now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gymkhanaprincess7

BarrelWannabe said:


> Good news, my strep throat is gone! I get the go ahead to start working out again.
> 
> Now time for super, mega, ultra, fantastic, awesome news!!!!........
> My I found my old mare.
> 
> Alright. To cut down on confusion, I'll elaborate. I have owned 3 horses. My first horse, the one I posted in the horse memorials about, the mare that I found, and the gelding that I had mentioned about finding him but it didn't turn out to be him.
> 
> This mare, her name is Savana, was the first horse I had after my first horse passed away. I got her as a green broke 3 year old. She was a little too much for me so I sold her to my "sister's" ex-boyfriend and then bought the gelding. Well, you all know how that went.
> 
> So, I messaged my sister's ex on facebook last night and he still has her out on his land! He sold her to someone who works for him and she's being worked for two weeks at the stock yard but he's still keeping her out there. I'm still shocked she's there.
> I told myself that after I got out of the Army that I'd find her and have her again. Well, it might be a little sooner than I expected.
> Let me share some interesting things about this mare. She was born on May 8th, 2007. My first horse passed away on May 8th, 2008. Savana has an H branded on her left shoulder. My first horse's name was Harly. On May 23rd of last, we had a tornado rip through the barn where we had our horses. 2 horses were severely injured, and most sustained minor cuts and scrapes. She was the only horse that didn't have so much as a hair out of place. I had been out at the barn just 30 minutes before and before I left, I told her "to be safe". She was. I believe that day, both her and I had someone watching over us. It was just too spooky of a day to call it coincidental.
> 
> I'm a very superstitious person. I think thinks happen for a reason.
> My gut is screaming at me that I should be prepared if she is for sale again. So, I got my job back today and I start working again tomorrow.
> 
> I just get the feeling that something is gonna happen. Good, bad, I'm not sure, but I'm ready now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*chills*  And that is so cool, I hope that eventually, one day, you'll get your horse back.


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## BarrelWannabe

I hope so too. I know I don't *need* this right now but someone only gets so many chances.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MangoRoX87

Put on your boots and go to ******* for your birthday!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Baha! You're too funny! That would be implying that I have friends and not socially awkward. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Well, I've lost 5 more pounds! I'm under 200 pounds and it feels amazing. I'm so much happier and healthier than I was months ago. It's wonderful, really, to be able to tell people that yes, I have lost weight when they notice. What's even more satisfying is when they ask how much I've lost. For some reason, the look on their faces has made this all worth it. 
Don't get me wrong. I'm not one to care about what others think. I'm just happy that SOMEONE noticed. 

I've started working again as well. I've worked at a local fast food place for about a year, and I thought I was ready to stop working....I guess not. I was gone for about a month and decided enough was enough. I didn't like the feeling that I didn't have a way to make money so back to work! 
I'm currently full time, working in the evenings 5-6 days a week. I've still got plenty of time to exercise and do all the other things I want to do. 

Speaking of other things. I think I'm actually going to get a horse for my birthday. I'll have enough income to support a horse, so I told myself why not? I know that some have reservations about having a horse while in the military, but I'm confident that it can be done. So, I'll be planning with my grandma about fencing in some of her acreage and looking at horse trailers.


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## BarrelWannabe

*Forgot to add. The horse that I used to own, her owner isn't interested in selling right now. Oh well, he'll have to contact me to sign her papers for ownership transfer. I did tell him that if he is interested in selling to give me a call. So, I'll hear of her in the future. Only time will tell if our paths will cross again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gymkhanaprincess7

So happy for you Under 200 lbs, big milestone!! So is the idea of buying a horse for your birthday. I am still completely in awe of your will power and determination to turn your life around. Congratulations


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you! Sometimes I have to pinch myself and say, 'you actually did it!'. For so long, I've been such a sedentary person. I had no ambition, hopes, dreams. I woke up in the morning and went to sleep at night. Up until I started owning and working with horses after my first horse passed, I was a mess. It was a constant state of depression. There wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel or star in the sky to lead me home. Then I started working with horses and it changed me. It didn't change my weight to begin with but it changed how I thought. I was no longer depressed. I had a happy outlook on my life and I had something to wake up for in the morning. 

It wasn't until I lost my friend to a car crash that I saw how fragile life was. How precious and short and it all can be. So I wanted to start living now. Make my own choices and not sit back while others had all the fun. I wasn't going to let my weight stop me either. After all, I put it on so I can take it all off! 

So here I am now, determined as ever. Granted my path strays from time to time, but I find my way back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Love your attitude & how being around the horses eased your depression & gave you a purpose in life. They are amazing animals. Good luck to you & hope things keep getting better in your life.


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## BarrelWannabe

Okay, it's officail! Instead of weighing five sacks worth of feed, I weigh 4! So 50 freaking pounds! I woke up this morning, weighed myself, and it said 194. Oh, I'm soooo excited, I can't even help it. 
I'm getting closer and closer. I want so bady for the day to come in which I can proudly say that I'm ready. I'm there.


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## gymkhanaprincess7

BarrelWannabe said:


> Okay, it's officail! Instead of weighing five sacks worth of feed, I weigh 4! So 50 freaking pounds! I woke up this morning, weighed myself, and it said 194. Oh, I'm soooo excited, I can't even help it.
> I'm getting closer and closer. I want so bady for the day to come in which I can proudly say that I'm ready. I'm there.


 
Congratulations  We're all rooting for you.


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## Cacowgirl

WTG! Happy for you!


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks guys! 

I've been pondering a few things for a day or two. 
I've had to work for the things that I want. Not clothing, shoes, important things like that, but anything that I don't need. Like the horses, my truck, all the knick-knacks that I find interesting. Before I sound like I'm complaining, I'm not. Just merely confused and curious. Don't get me wrong in the fact that I WANT to work for these things. It has taught me how important and hard it is to earn these things. I feel like I've earned it, like it truely is mine. Not my parents, or my parents money. 

Now I've had help in the past when I need some money to buy hay, or gas, but I've always repaid those who have helped me either in money or anything they want at the time. I pay my debts and look to stay out of it. I can be held to my word and I take pride in that. 

On to where this comes into play. My family(well, my father.) are into racing sports such as stock cars, drag racing, yard carts, etc. So it's understandable that if one of my siblings is interested in racing, my dad is going to help.
Key word is help. If it were me, I would be footing the bill. I would be buying all the parts, engine, equipment, or anything else needed. My dad would HELP me build what I'm interested in. 
I have a younger sister who, at the time, was interested in racing yard carts. So, my dad buys the engine, all the parts, does all the work, and all the while my little sister sit in the house watching tv. This is where I get confused. He does ALL the work, buys everything, and my little sister doesn't put out any effort. So after all is finished, she and my dad test drive and practice with the cart for the next few weeks. But after those weeks pass by, the cart sits in the garage, for two month. 
A few days ago, my mom asked if she still wanted to race and she says no....and my parents were ok with that. Yesterday they sold the cart, aftter sending a couple thousand on it, they just loaded it up and sold it. They weren't mad, they didn't talk to my little sister about it or anything. If it had been me, even after I paid for most of it, I would have been reemed across hot coals. Why is it that they'll pay for all of her stuff, not make her do any work, and are completely fine with selling it after putting in all that time and money?

I'm honestly confused here. I understand an 8 year old can't pay for that kind of stuff but she could still have helped. 
They'll spend that kind of money on that, but when I wrecked my truck, they made me walk to school, and work during the middle of winter for a month. They didn't help me buy another vehicle. I had to buy it because it was "my fault".


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## cakemom

Just try to use it to your advantage. Your sister will grow up not knowing how to take care of herself. My hubby isn't all that into horses and gets upset sometimes at money spent on them, on the other hand if it has motor it's gold to him, so sons dirtbike addiction is fed greatly. Lucky for my daughter she has me, to speak for her and the horses. I don't think they do it purposely, it's just 2nd nature to him because it's his passion. He enjoys it as much as the boy does. Your dad didn't build that for her, he built it for him, and was probably thinking maybe it would get her to spend some time with him, as he doesn't share your interests. 

I'm proud of you that you work so hard for your passion, and can assure you that as you grow older it will make you a strong person who will not have to depend on others.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

The first lesson to learn in life is- unfortunatley--- Life is Unfair!--Learn that & the rest becomes easier. Don't mean to sound harsh,but we each have our own journey & must run our own race. Sorry that your folks aren't more supportive of you & your dreams.


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## BarrelWannabe

Cakemom, I've come to realize that she will learn that. They treat her differently than the rest of my siblings. Not to say that she is treated BETTER, just differently. Like some of the things that she says or does would have warranted a smack if it were me. My parents don't correct her when she says or does things that are out of line, and I'm left to tell her that wasn't right and why. But in the end, she won't listen to me. So I've given up on trying to help her.

Cacowgirl, I've learned that lesson long ago, and many times there after. Hurts everytime but reminds me of just how life is.


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## Cacowgirl

And I'm still getting lessons on it & it still hurts!


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## BarrelWannabe

Don't ya hate that! You're doing good, getting along great, and then bam! Life knocks you down a few knotches. 
Oh well, keeps the best humble and the worst angry.

So, I am rather excited right now. When I started all of this I was in a size 20 for jeans/pants/shorts. I put on a pair of 14's this morning and they fit!! Not too tight, not too loose, they were just right. My day has been made.


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## Cacowgirl

Congratulations! That is great progress.


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## cakemom

That's awesome on the 14s!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks! I need to take some pictures so that people don't think I'm fibbin'. Haha. I figured that I would wait until I sign so it would be easier to see the difference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gymkhanaprincess7

Ohh can't wait to see the pics!


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## BarrelWannabe

Well, I've come to the decision that I'm not going to get a horse for my birthday. I'm probably not going to get one until I'm out of the service. Buuuut, I'm gonna be taking a LOT of lessons when I have free time in the service. 

I miss riding so much. It has actually made me kind of "depressed" not being able to ride. I love it and when I'm on a horse, I feel free.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I think you're making the correct decision. Get stationed near here and come ride one of mine.

Your life will change drastically when you first go in the military. Now's a good time to "get small", or, don't acquire a lot of stuff as you're likely to move somewhat frequently.

There is a time and a place for every thing. Really, now isn't the time, nor the place for a horse.

Patience, and understand, there will be a time for a horse in your life. It's good for a young lady to want things, and the military is a way to get you to a point in life where you can reward yourself by getting some of the things you want.

Most all of us have to pay our dues in life. There are a few born with a silver spoon, but the rest of us have to work.

That said, work smart. Make sure the time you spend in the military gets you something, a career, when you get out.


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## Cacowgirl

Once you are stationed somewhere, you could research for lessons/volunterring,short term partial lease. Some bases might even have stables & son't forget to check out the boards @ feed/tack stores-someone might want some help in exchange for riding time.


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## BarrelWannabe

Gunslinger, I'll be sure to look for ya! Haha.

I have a really hard time controlling myself when it comes to things I want. Instead of being patience and getting the most of what I want, I'll jump on the first chance. It's a flaw of mine, but I'm not going to let a horse or my family suffer because I wanted to go play. I'm going to go with my original plan and wait. Just wait until I'm out and have a well paying job. 
I plan on becoming a Phycisian's Assistant with my combat medic training, and it pays well. 

Cacowgirl, I have thought about vlounterring or leasing. I'm sure if my base is to have a stable, there will be plenty of people who are deployed or unable to care for the horse everyday, so it'd be nice to help someone out.


More good news. I reached my required measurement for my waist! I need a 35", and by God, it's a 35"! Now all I need is to lose 6 more inches off of my hips and it's time to rock and roll.


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## gunslinger

Yeah!!!! 
Another goal reached! You rock!

I seem to remember that some bases have stables.


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you! I'm going to try like hell to enlist before my recruiter retires. He leaves on July 10th for Germany and then he's retiring. So I have a month and a few days. Yikes.

I think some bases do have stables. I'll have to look into that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

I've come to the realization that I'm kind of scared of who I'll be when I'm out of the service. What if I'm deployed, and I see things that will scar me? What if I develop PTSD and I'm not normal? I'm prepared to do my duties but I'm weary. What if I can't cope with what I've seen or had to do? What then, do I suck it up or see a therapist? What if that doesn't work? What if I hurt someone? There are so many what ifs, that it scares me. I'm ready to lay it all down but what I'm not prepared for is who'll I'll be if I come back....


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## Cacowgirl

You have to take it one day at a time. We can plan for the future, but life happens & it often gets changed from our vision. You've already been around horses & know how healing that can be, so keep that in mind. There are many different ways to live your life. I used to live on a busy corner, close to a high school-lots of traffic all day (&night long)-Now-usually between 0-6 vehicles pass our gate on our dirt road in a 24-hour period. All the animals are much calmer & if I don't go to town I may only see my husband for 3-5 days at a time. I do see neighbors on the w/e's. So plenty of solitude-you will get to make your choices as your life rolls along.


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## gunslinger

Good for you. You're starting to think about the things you need to be thinking about.

Those questions are a very real possibility.

There are many scars that come from war. Some consider the dead lucky as they don't have to live with the horror they've seen.

Some have little trouble with it although they always carry the memories with them.

There are many brave men and women in our military, and yes, some of them come home really screwed up.

There is no free ride, and everything has a price. Be sure you're willing to pay the price before you sign the papers.

Personally, I served under Jimmy Carter, and I didn't think he'd have the nerve to go to war.

Obama has a war, with many in the armed forces have multiple tours on the battle field.

Think long and hard as this is something you're going to have to live with, no matter how bad.


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## BarrelWannabe

I'm willing to live with it. It's my duty to protect and serve my country and if need be, I will sacrifice. I'm sure I will look to horses as my comfort.

Speaking of horses, I'm looking for riding lessons. I cannot for the life of me fin some where or someone who gives lessons.....so I posted on craigslist. I know, I know. Shoot me now, I've signed up for the crazy train. 

Here's the ad, tell me what you think.
Looking for lessons


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## Skyseternalangel

Is this helpful?

https://maps.google.co.nz/maps?hl=e...46REMjq2AWRuqWkDw&oi=local_group&ved=0CCMQtgM


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## BarrelWannabe

It is, but my truck wont make it to most of those stables. I looked at the one in OKC and I'll probably call and see what they charge for lessons. I'm wanting something close so that I can take 2-3 lessons a week. I cant afford but 1 a week on gas alone, not including the lesson price.


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## Skyseternalangel

Yeah not sure where you live but yeah lol


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## BarrelWannabe

I'll put it this way, most of the stables are alteast 30 minutes away.


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## BarrelWannabe

Today has been crappy. Beyond crappy for dramatic purposes. 
I went out to my grandma's to help clear some of her land and I am beyond burnt. Lobster red would be a good identifyer for the color I am. So I'm tired and grumpy from the sun burn. And, one of her donkeys is missing. She hasn't seen her for almost a week and I couldn't go look for her because I would have started to blister if I stayed out any longer. So, I guess there's another trip out either tomorrow after work or Monday before work. Speaking of work, ugh. I hate it. A manager calls me today and asked if I would come in and I told them no. So now they're mad but did they expect me to be happy and skipping through the door when I haven't been of in almost two weeks? Come on, just one day is all I need. 


I was also supposed to go on a date but got stood up. Again. Why do I even bother? No call, no text, no 'Hey I'm not gonna make it.' or whatever. I'm beginning to think that being alone is far less painful and miserable than constant disappointment. Atleast I would know what to expect and wouldn't have to worry about being let down all the time.

And I've manage to eat an orange today. There isn't anything that I can eat at my house. There are breads, pastas, sweets, and junky fatty foods but not so much as an apple. I managed the orange by looking for a good 5 minutes. I guess I'm gonna go buy groceries tomorrow. I don't have a problem buying my own groceries, expect when I buy two weeks worth of food and its gone in three days! Eating healthy food is expensive, and I don't have the means to feed four other people. So, I'm stuck. I can buy groceries, have them all eaten in three days, and hope to eat some of it or eat the food at my house and gain all the weight back that I've worked to lose. 

NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. NO WAY IN HELL. O^O

Some positives are that I've lost 60 pounds, and I may have found someone to take lessons with. Thing is that I'm going to quit my job AGAIN(I don't intend on going back nor would they hire me back.) and at my current rate, I'll be able to enlist at the end of July so I might as well wait until I'm stationed after AIT to do lessons. Oh, and I talked to my recruiter and I CAN get a tattoo so that's what I plan on doing for my birthday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

I know what you mean about the grocery shopping. It goes so fast and it's hard when all that's left is stuff you shouldn't be eating. It's expensive and you've come so far! 60 lbs is a HUGE loss!! Congrats!!

Today's been a bad day for me too. Words aren't coming out right, people jumping to conclusions, just makes me not want to talk to anyone at this rate.

She lost her donkey?? Wasn't that the one that you mentioned in your earlier post? :/

Hugs, I hope things go better for you


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks Sky. 

I know the feeling. Sometimes you just want to cut off all contact and curl up in a ball. 

Yes it is. She has three all together with four cows as well on sixty acres of highly wooded land. Her fences aren't well either so I'm going to have to walk all of the fence for spots she could have gotten out. After that, I'll just have to walk down the whole acreage. Its strange though, her donkeys are a mother and two daughter group. They are always together and the mom and youngest have been coming up but not miss Molly. I can only hope that she got out and pray of she didn't, and she was injured, she hasn't suffered. My grandma made the decision to let her out of the pen I built when she was sick and she stayed by the pen for about a week or so and hasn't been seen since. I feel bad for not going out but I can't afford the gas. It's just a messed up situation. 


Oh, and my truck might be leaking antifreeze. Great! Another thing that I needed to go wrong. I feel like I'd rather run miles everyday and be yelled at rather than deal with this junk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Alright, today I'm going out to look for Miss Molly. I'm hoping that I can find her, even if she is, well, ya know....


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## gunslinger

Wow....

Take a deep breath......and try to relax.

You're out so much you've burned, and Sky's trapped inside. It's sunny in Oklahoma, and snowing in NZ.

Talk about contrast! Maybe you two could trade places for a day or two?

Look at the food situation this way.....they feed you regularly in the Army, for the most part..........

So, hope you find the donkey!


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## BarrelWannabe

How about it Sky? I like snow, if you like sunshine. 

Haha. For the most part? Oh well, I hope the food is good. 

Well, I went to look for Molly and I couldn't find her. I didn't hear, see, or small anything of her. I did another fence check and there were several spots that she could have gotten out but if she would've got out, so would have the other two. They're all like peas in a pod, and they were always together. I figure if she were hurt, the other two would be with her. I'm afraid that coyotes got her, or some other predator. I don't know! Ugh! This is when I wish I had a good using horse to ride because it would have been easier, quicker, and I probably would have found something of her were I on a horse. Because after I did the fence check, I zig-zagged across the land, and if I were on a horse, I'm sure it would have alerted to something that I missed. But I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm tempted to find someone here in town that needs a pasture ate down and bring the other two in town. I just can't do anything with them at the moment. Maybe once I'm in and stationed, I can do something but it's frustrating that I can't do anything.


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## Skyseternalangel

BarrelWannabe said:


> How about it Sky? I like snow, if you like sunshine.


Girl I'm down, lol!



BarrelWannabe said:


> Well, I went to look for Molly and I couldn't find her. I didn't hear, see, or small anything of her. I did another fence check and there were several spots that she could have gotten out but if she would've got out, so would have the other two. They're all like peas in a pod, and they were always together. I figure if she were hurt, the other two would be with her. I'm afraid that coyotes got her, or some other predator. I don't know! Ugh! This is when I wish I had a good using horse to ride because it would have been easier, quicker, and I probably would have found something of her were I on a horse. Because after I did the fence check, I zig-zagged across the land, and if I were on a horse, I'm sure it would have alerted to something that I missed. But I really don't know what I'm going to do. I'm tempted to find someone here in town that needs a pasture ate down and bring the other two in town. I just can't do anything with them at the moment. Maybe once I'm in and stationed, I can do something but it's frustrating that I can't do anything.


Man  That or she's somewhere having a fiesta with the neighbors (probably not likely, but an ill attempt to cheer you up)

Things will get better!


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## BarrelWannabe

Haha. Ill make many a snowman in my time off. Should be fun!

I'm hoping she'll turn up but I don't want to be too hopeful. Just getting bad vibes from it, so I think she's gone. I'll have my grandma talk with her neighbors. Or the few she has.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Did you fix the fence? Are the others going to get out too?


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## BarrelWannabe

With what I could mend by hand, yes. A few places are going to need to be filled in or repostioned. I've blocked those spots so that the others can't get out. I'll have to go out on saturday and fix it. The others aren't going to get out.


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## BarrelWannabe

I think I'm gonna take a break from HF for a while. Ill post when I've enlisted but I find it depressing to see everyone who is happy with their horses.

It acts as a painful reminder of what I used to have. The horse that used to be mine, and he's gone. 

Now is the time for me to dig down and focuse. So this is my last post until I'm enlisted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

BarrelWannabe said:


> I think I'm gonna take a break from HF for a while. Ill post when I've enlisted but I find it depressing to see everyone who is happy with their horses.
> 
> It acts as a painful reminder of what I used to have. The horse that used to be mine, and he's gone.
> 
> Now is the time for me to dig down and focuse. So this is my last post until I'm enlisted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey hey hey OP. Don't give us that.

Don't let yourself get hurt by other's happiness.. that's not a good way to tackle life.

How do you think I feel? Getting news that my horse's feet are getting worse in condition, and I can't do much about it? Can't see him for 2 years. If I let it get me down, then life is going to suck. I'm sad, yes, but I'm happy that he's taking good care of my lessee and she's taking good care of him. 

Be happy for others, and yourself. Find things to be happy about.

Not to be rude, but I think you really need to work on yourself and what affects you or the army is going to kick your *** and you won't be happy :/

Hugs.


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## gymkhanaprincess7

BarrelWannabe said:


> I think I'm gonna take a break from HF for a while. Ill post when I've enlisted but I find it depressing to see everyone who is happy with their horses.
> 
> It acts as a painful reminder of what I used to have. The horse that used to be mine, and he's gone.
> 
> Now is the time for me to dig down and focuse. So this is my last post until I'm enlisted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whoa, whoa. Sky is absolutely right. And even though I might not be able to say it any better, I find I feel better when I have more than one person on my side. I don't know if you're still going to be reading these posts, or not, but I hope you are. Just know that, yes, this _is _hard. Losing all this weight to do something so truly inspiring is _awesome. _And not the surfer dude kind of awesome, but actually awe inspiring. I try not to think about where I've been, mostly because I'm already out of the tunnel. But it took two years, when I was ten years younger than you are now. Think of how bright your future is.

Go back and look at your posts about buying a ranch, and getting stationed at a stable. It will all be okay. But right now, focus on the army. Think of where you're going to be in such a short amount of time. And think about how far you've come. Think of how much support you have and how much your friends and family love you. Realize that you're in a low place right now, realize that your low could be lower, and realize that your low will be a high again someday soon.

Hugs to you, and we're all here for you :hug:


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## gunslinger

I'll miss you.....


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## BarrelWannabe

Well, the dark clouds have thinned, but they're still there. 

I've been bottling up what I've felt about selling my horse since October, and it finally broke me. I remember how sweet he was. How his eyes shined and how much I still love him. I feel like a failure for selling him, I should have tried to keep him. But at the time, and now, it was the best thing to do. I could have kept him, and he'd still be mine, but I wanted what was best for him. 
Now my selfish nature is screaming that I want what's best for ME. I want him back, and I would do anything to have him back. 

But, I know that he would suffer now while I'm in the military. So I know I did what was best for him. He went to a good home, and they took good care of him before they sold him. I'm not mad about that, because I still didnt have the means to get him back. 

I really don't mean to be emotional but you know how some individuals come into your lives and changes everything? That's what he did for me. He brought meaning into my life and I was truely happy. When he left, so did the light. I've been stuck in a rut and it's been so hard to get out of. 
I'm still not happy and I don't know if I ever will be. 

I want to let go, and my mind is telling me to. It's my heart that needs convincing. Some days I'll be ready to move on and I'm able to say 'Ok, I can do it. I can put him in the past.'
Then there are days that I want to curl up in a ball and sleep. I want to sleep forever and wallow in the pain that comes with knowing I failed. That I gave up and let him down. 
I don't ever want to go through that again. I'm even hesitant to think about owning another horse. 

Through all of this, I try to tell myself that at any moment, my life could be worse. I could have nothing, and be nothing. But I have something and I am someone. My "problems" pale in comparison to others' struggles. So I'm thankful for what I have and what I've had.


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## Cacowgirl

The emotional roller coaster is a tough one. it does get better, but it's always there. I'm many decades older than you & I still struggle. You do have a lot of support here,so I hope you keep posting. Any luck on finding a lesson barn? You can be involved w/horses w/out owning one & since you will be moving around for awhile-basic, training, & future stations,owning right now would be an obstacle. So wait for some stability & sock away the money so you will have your freedom & can follow your dreams.


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you, Cacowgirl. It's a great thing to know that you guys are here and understand. That's what is hard for my friends and family, is to understand.

I haven't had any luck find a barn. I think I'm going to wait until after AIT or during permitting that I have time, that I'll look for a barn. That way I'll know when I'm leaving. I don't know when I'm going to basic or anything because I still have to lose another 28 pounds before I can enlist. I'm hoping to be there either the end of July or early August.


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## gunslinger

Listen to me please.

As man is molded from the dust of the ground he is forever bound to things of this world.

However, things of this world don't last. Nothing of the world last. People come and go. Horses come and go. Money comes and goes. Worldly things are only here for a period of time. EVERYTHING.

Paul's message is to not be bound by worldly things but rather focus on the spirit that lives inside yourself.

We all go home. Everything in it's own time.

You had the horse which brought you great joy. Be thankful for the fun you and him had. Those memories should bring you comfort not pain. Your horse is now with another who loves him as you do. Be happy about that.

Now, one more time.....you're going in the military. You will see people come and go on a regular basis, many will become quite close to you. 

You can't change the way of the world. Love life for what it is.

I'm glad you're back, I missed you.


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## Skyseternalangel

Of course we understand  And we're here for you!!

You'll find a barn when the time is right, most likely at your first post so you can dedicate yourself a little more and be able to afford it a little easier.


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## BarrelWannabe

Gunslinger, I know nothing is set in stone and that we will all be called home one day.

He did bring me great joy, and I've looked past that and focused on the negative. I should have only remembered the good times we had together and I now know that's what I need to do.
I don't become attached to people or animals easily, and I try not to, but when I find and individual that I click with, I'll love them forever. 

I'm just going to have to put on a brave face while I'm serving as to not become too attached to the people I meet.


Sky, that was my thinking. Why look for a barn now and have to leave within the next few months? I'm most certian that I'll gone before the end of the summer. So I just need to be patient and wait until I'm in a better financial situation so I can take all the lessons I want!


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## BarrelWannabe

So, this afternoon I decided to punch my bedroom wall....and I hit it a little too hard. I put my fist through it. Yeah, I know. What was I thinking??
I was mad and rather risk talking back to my mom, I waited until she left the house and stood in place for a moment. I thought I had myself under control as I walked to my room, but as soon as I was in the door, BAM! 
Sometimes my anger problems scare me. I've never been enraged and hit someone, but there have been many times that inanimate objects have been under fire. I've hit myself, doors, walls, even my truck. I'm surprised I haven't broken my hands. 

I just get so mad, at the stupidest things even. I get mad when I can't find a shirt and I either hit something, cuss like a sailor, or ripe apart the closest article of clothing. I've ruined many a shirt that way. Or I get mad when there isn't anything to eat for lunch and I have to bite my lip so I don't scream. It's like someone else takes over and I'm not there. I want to hurt something. Why on Earth do I become angry at these things? Why can't I just be calm and civil about it?

Like earlier tonight my "sister" texted my mom and asked her if I still had a Facebook. She told her that I did and I explained that I blocked her because I didn't want to see her drama everytime I want to get online. So my mom told her that and she replied "Wow. I guess she can be that way. Kinda rude if you ask me."

I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her. How dare that low lifed sack o' crap call me rude! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT LEFT MY HORSE TO STARVE IN A BARN! I'M THE RUDE ONE?????? HOW ABOUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS A SACK OF CRAP! 
Calling me rude, it's Facebook. Not a living being. 
I'll make sure I remember that when she comes crawling for help again, and I know she will. 


I know all of this is really random and please don't think I would *ever *do something to an animal, because I'd rather be abused myself before I did something to an animal.

I'm mostly saying this because I'm afraid of what my temper is going to get me into in the Army. I know even talking back to someone could warrant just about any punishment. 
Maybe I just need a good ol' fashioned @$$ whippin' to set myself straight. I really don't know though.


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## Skyseternalangel

BarrelWannabe said:


> Sky, that was my thinking. Why look for a barn now and have to leave within the next few months? I'm most certian that I'll gone before the end of the summer. So I just need to be patient and wait until I'm in a better financial situation so I can take all the lessons I want!


I can't wait either!

In lieu of your anger, I have anger issues too. HUGE ONES. As in I will probably really cause some damage one day. But it's rare to happen. I call it my "hulkafied" moments. 

For me, I found out my trigger is when people don't let me explain myself, they twist their words, and lie through their teeth and cause others to think badly of me.

That gets to me so badly.. SO badly.

Find out what your trigger is and work on ways to calm down. Trust me I have gotten much better since finding out what it was. 

Hugs!


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## gymkhanaprincess7

BarrelWannabe said:


> So, this afternoon I decided to punch my bedroom wall....and I hit it a little too hard. I put my fist through it. Yeah, I know. What was I thinking??
> I was mad and rather risk talking back to my mom, I waited until she left the house and stood in place for a moment. I thought I had myself under control as I walked to my room, but as soon as I was in the door, BAM!
> Sometimes my anger problems scare me. I've never been enraged and hit someone, but there have been many times that inanimate objects have been under fire. I've hit myself, doors, walls, even my truck. I'm surprised I haven't broken my hands.
> 
> I just get so mad, at the stupidest things even. I get mad when I can't find a shirt and I either hit something, cuss like a sailor, or ripe apart the closest article of clothing. I've ruined many a shirt that way. Or I get mad when there isn't anything to eat for lunch and I have to bite my lip so I don't scream. It's like someone else takes over and I'm not there. I want to hurt something. Why on Earth do I become angry at these things? Why can't I just be calm and civil about it?
> 
> Like earlier tonight my "sister" texted my mom and asked her if I still had a Facebook. She told her that I did and I explained that I blocked her because I didn't want to see her drama everytime I want to get online. So my mom told her that and she replied "Wow. I guess she can be that way. Kinda rude if you ask me."
> 
> I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle her. How dare that low lifed sack o' crap call me rude! I'M NOT THE ONE THAT LEFT MY HORSE TO STARVE IN A BARN! I'M THE RUDE ONE?????? HOW ABOUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO IS A SACK OF CRAP!
> Calling me rude, it's Facebook. Not a living being.
> I'll make sure I remember that when she comes crawling for help again, and I know she will.
> 
> 
> I know all of this is really random and please don't think I would *ever *do something to an animal, because I'd rather be abused myself before I did something to an animal.
> 
> I'm mostly saying this because I'm afraid of what my temper is going to get me into in the Army. I know even talking back to someone could warrant just about any punishment.
> Maybe I just need a good ol' fashioned @$$ whippin' to set myself straight. I really don't know though.


:hug: I know. Sometimes you just want to get totally irrationally MAD. It happens. As for punching a hole in your wall, I think you should poke the back of a picture frame out and 'frame' it:wink::lol: Sometimes, anger can be a drive. Other times, it can be a downfall. Take a walk, write an angry letter, and throw it out. Yes, I just quoted the 'Bee Movie'. You can watch that, too. 

If you ever need to just TALK to someone, you can PM me. Sometimes, just COMPLAINING to people makes me feel happy :lol:

Hugs Oh, and glad you decided to come back. Missed ya


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## BarrelWannabe

Sky, I'm glad you know what I mean.
It's on a daily basis though. I've got many triggers and not being able to explain myself is one of them. So is being ignored or forgetten about. 
I think I need to try some Yoga, or find a martial arts gym so I can actually take my anger and put it to good use. Haha.

Gymkhana, I put my Calender over it.  

But if I'm super mad, to the point of shaking, I go to the gym. I get on a treadmill and run. I run til I'm zoned out and forget about what made me mad. 
I'm sad that the gym isn't open right now. I'm really kicking myself for not joining the 24-hour gym. Haha.

Thanks for being here guys, I really appreciate it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Well identify and deal with every single one of them. It will get better, trust me!

Anger is an attitude in need of an adjustment. Keep repeating that!


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## BarrelWannabe

Yes, very much so! That statement is 100% correct.

I'm going to work on finding my triggers and dealing with them in a rational and calm way. 
All I have to do is come up with the patients to do so! Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gymkhanaprincess7

So happy you're feeling so much better


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## BarrelWannabe

I am. I'm all nice and chilled out now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Patience will come, lotus flower  Teehehe


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## BarrelWannabe

I had something rather strange happen today. 

The Navy recruiter knocked on my door and wanted to talk to me. I was shocked, I still am a little, but I was rather impressed. I know most recruiters will call and "hassle" you, but I've never had a recruiter personally come to my house. 
But I talked with him for a bit and I felt bad when I told him that I was already talking with the Army because if the Army wasn't my first choice, I'd be talking the Navy about being an Aircrewman on a carrier. I find the job of sending the jets off the be very appealing and thrilling, but I'm thinking long term and toward a lifetime career.

Talking with him did make me think a bit on why I'm choosing the Army over the others. I chose the Army because it offers more to me as a woman that I like than the other branches do. There are various other factors, but that's the main one. I've been contacted by all but the Coast Guard( my ASVAB wasn't high enough) and the Army is what has stuck with me. 
So I'm confident in my decision and if the Army doesn't work out but I still like the military life, I have other options in line that I'll persue.


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## Skyseternalangel

Wow! That's amazing! A huge compliment, in my eyes.

Keep at it girl!


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## BarrelWannabe

I know! I opened the door and was like 0.0 "uhhh.."
Haha. I have thought about being a Navy Corpsman(well woman), but I think going Army medical will give me more experience in emergency situations. I might be an EMT while I'm finishing school so I can still keep doing what I learned. I have a tendecy to forget what I've learned if I don't do it on a daily basis.

Buuut....Today is my birthday! Everyone is asking me what it feels like to be 18.
You know what I tell them? I say 'It feels like 17 + 1.' Needless to say, I get a few 'Don't be a jackass' looks. ****.

I'm probably gonna go to the Casino tonight and go shopping later today. 
I've got my tattoo appointment set up for next friday, and that's what I'm looking forward to the most. I've decided to get my mare's name, Harly, on my back.

I've got the script drawn up so what do you think? I've thought about putting hoofprints that trail away from the Y or putting an Indian Blanket behind or off to the side of the Y. An Indian Blanket is Oklahoma's state wildflower and they run rampent out at my Grandma's. She's buried there on a piece of land I own. I just thought it fitting to do something for her, and I wanted to get it on my back because I'd have an angel watching my back.


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## gymkhanaprincess7

I've never had anything against tatoos. I think that they're cool, as long as you don't end up completely green and red, etc., haha. But that is just my oppinion. I love tatoos that have meaning. My family is super duper Irish, so he has a shamrock on his left ankle for good luck. When I turn 18, I want to get one just like it. 

Congrats on the Navy recruiter thing! Sounds like a huge honor. I also like your tattoo, design. . . 

AND HAAAAPPPPPYYYY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## gunslinger

Tattoos are for sailors...

You're going in the army.

Awhile back they were talking about not taking people with tattoo's...

Just sayin......


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## Skyseternalangel

Happy birthday!!

I think it's a very cute idea! Personally I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo because I'm way too sensitive lol.


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## BarrelWannabe

I've talked with my recuiter and he said if I can put a regular t-shirt on and not see it, I'm good to go.

I want to get this tattoo because when I'm not able to carry a picture or a necklace, I can bring her with me everywhere if she's got my back. She means the world to me, and rather have a painting or drawing done, I thought it fitting to honor her by having her name with me forever and for always.

And thank you Sky! I've had fun so far and I'm headed to the casino to willingly surrender a little of my money. 
I'm curious as to how it will feel. I've never had my pain tolerance tested so I don't know what it'll feel like. Haha.
I could gauge it off of the fact that if my sister, who has a somewhat low tolerance, can sit for 2 hours getting a tattoo on her foot, then I can get this one like it's nothing.


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## gunslinger

I hope you still like the tattoo when your fifty.....


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## BarrelWannabe

I will, even if it doesn't look the same as it did 30 years ago. Its look can change, but its value to me never will. 

Well, yesterday was fun. I went shopping and pick up some more art supplies and got fish for my fish tank. Then I went to the casino that evening and won $160. I'm pleased but I don't see it becoming a regular thing to go to the casino. Haha.


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## gunslinger

By any chance was it one of the Choctaw Casinos?

Back to the tattoo thing.....ever talked to a fifty year old with tattoos's they got at 18?


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## BarrelWannabe

Cheyenne-Arapaho

I have, one being my dad. He says the only reason why he doesn't like it is because he got it on his forearm and the fact that he's a mechanic, it has faded and worn over the years. Other than that, he still likes it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Well, I've figured out my deadline. I have until the end of July, which is 38 days from now to begin processing and enlistment.

I have 26 lbs more to lose and I know I can do it. I'm averaging a pound a day now and I am confident that I can get there. I'm at 186 lbs and its just now sinking in how close I am. I know that those last few pounds can be the hardest but I've traveled down most of the path! 

I can't wait! I'm nervous, a tad bit scared, and extremely excited.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Best of luck!!!


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks!
I might not be on as often now 'cause I'm going to be running lots of miles and then some more just for fun. Haha. I've decided to focus on my cardio until I get to basic so that I don't bulk up and gain instead of losing weight. Ill probably get ripped at basic though. I'm either going to look like a bean poll or be extremely lean looking. Heck, I'd go for either!

I think I'm gonna try to post a few pics of how I look now and how I looked before I started tomorrow. Should be interesting to see the change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

I've gone from this (October 2011) to this (June 2012).


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## Cacowgirl

Well, that is pretty mind-blowing! You should be so proud of yourself! Don't you feel a lot better? You are really re-inventing yourself & you will certianly have a new life.


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## Skyseternalangel

You look fantastic!!!


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## Roperchick

i dont have the energy to go backtrak through 25 pages of posts haha but i will say congrats on the changes and MOST DEFINITELY congrats on the enlistment! aaah always makes me happy to hear that somebody else wants to join us military folk!

just prepare yourself for INSANELY missing your equine family! itll drive you nuts and the only thing thatll keep you sane in basic is having your family send you loooooots of pics! haha spoken from experience!

but im glad you made this decision and support you 100%


p.s.
(dont know if you already said this yet) on a side note what MOS are you going for??


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you, Cacowgirl and Sky! I feel absolutely fantastic. I have so much energy and I'm loving it. 

Thank you, Roperchick. I haven't enlisted just yet, though I'm very excited to be joining. 

I don't have any equine kids at the moment but I will certainly be taking lessons or leasing if time allows.

I'm wanting to be a Healthcare Specialist. I know I'm not likely to see any combat but I wouldn't mind if I did!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roperchick

> I'm wanting to be a Healthcare Specialist. I know I'm not likely to see any combat but I wouldn't mind if I did!


oooh get in line honey! ive deen pushing paperwork for a year to try and get a deployment! but im in intel so itll probably be easier for you to get one! 



> I don't have any equine kids at the moment but I will certainly be taking lessons or leasing if time allows.


depending on where your'e stationed it should be pretty easy! the first few months you may not have alot of time for yourself basie is only like 6 weeks now i think?? and then i dont know how long your AIT is but once you get done with your training and get to your first unit, itll get pretty crazy for awhile. but once you get the hang of the "real" army itll all get easier and youll hopefully have time to get a four legged friend!


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## Skyseternalangel

I'm so so so happy for you  Look how far you've come!! You're truly an inspiration!


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you Sky! Makes me blush thinking I'm inspirational. 

BASIC IS ONLY 6 WEEKS???? WHAT KIND OF JUNK IS THAT?!?! I was actually looking forward to the 10 weeks. Would have been good for me both physically and mentally.

I had figured it would be a lot easier to be deployed with that MOS. I'm really wanting to gain experience so that I would have a good chance of getting a good job once I'm out. 

My AIT is 16 weeks at Ft. Sam. I think they have a stable on base? I don't even know if I'll have time for anything outside of studying and whatnot. I didn't think I was going to have much free time in the beginning to do anything being a Private. 
I told myself that if I wanted to lease or own a horse, that I had to be in for atleast a year so I had a decent idea of what kind of free time I would have.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel

Yeah 6 weeks.. but it's intense!! You get to visit the gas chamber quite a few times, lots of runs and a bunch of other stuff my friend wouldn't tell me about 

But then you get to your first post and have PT every morning or so, and then you can look for riding stables


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## Roperchick

very good plan! yeah i heard through the PNN (private news network tehe) that they had shortened it to like 6 weeks but its just rumors. at least youll be getting the nice ASU dress uniforms and not the pickle suits (though i personally love my pickle suit and dont want to dish out the $650+ dollars for my ASUs)
my AIT was 7 months so at least youll have less time being restricted haha. i dont know about being able to have a horse during AIT especially since youll be in the barracks. they way they usually run AIT's is your on restriction meaning youll be in either PT uniform or ACU's until you get to the next level of training or u pass a pt test, but ites different for all the ait's. 

i would personally wait till your at your first unit and get settled in to the run of things then look into horses. ive been here over year and just now got back into them myself. it also depends on where your assignment is at. some places are more expensive...(like here it would be $6000 to have my boy shipped over and they have no grass hay so your either buyng a $35 dollar compact bale of hay or getting alfalfa cubes)

maybe look into seing if they have a good barn to lease a horse or see about volunteering at a rescue (its wonderful haha)

but for now concentrate on getting enlisted and getting into the Army mindset haha


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## Roperchick

haha Sky! th gas chamber was the best part! we got to choke on our own bodily fluids and dance to Chicken Fried at the same time!:rofl::rofl::rofl:

and yes....looooooooooooooots of pt. i dream about pt every night i just love it so much (ha. haha. ha. sarcasm. ha.)


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## Skyseternalangel

LOL Chicken Fried :lol:


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## Roperchick

I will never listen to the song again without smelling CS gas and hearing my DS scream at us to Dance MORE!


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## Skyseternalangel

Why the dancing??


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## Roperchick

to get our heartrate up so we breath harder and suck in more cs gas....they were sadistic haha


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## Skyseternalangel

Jeez lol.. apparently!


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## Roperchick

yerp. and then while you are slowly dying while choking on your snot/phlem, and or suffocating because your coughing so much you cant breathe they make you recite the ENTIRE soldiers creed....it was great!

needless to say if you go in the chamber sick, you come out healthy.


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## Skyseternalangel

Well that sure is interesting  my friend said he didn't find it so bad but other people loathed it.

Good on you for getting through it though! Don't you have to go to the gas chamber at your post too every term or so?


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## Roperchick

yerp once a year. i totally got out of it this year cuz i had to go to work. we were at minimum maning! but next feb i have to go....jaws theme anybody?? haha


ps. sorry for hijacking your thread okiegal! haha


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## BarrelWannabe

Not a problem! I've had a few buddies who went through The Chamber and wont tell me a thing! 

I have a question, Roper. What all were you required to bring for basic? Like general hygiene, PT stuff, extras like that that they aren't going to give you. 
You can PM me if you want.


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## Roperchick

Really you dont need to bring anything. they give you a packing list with things like White undergarments, tennis shoes, personal hygiene, and you can bring your phone.
When you get there they go through your bags and take any contraband such as food, books, they take your phone,( its given to your drill sgts. so theyll give ur phone to you if yall get em) 

they give you a card with like 250 dollars and theres a shoppete there with everything youll need. any kind of personal/female hygiene, socks, undergarments, flashlights, notebooks, pens and pencils (highly recommend getting envelopes, notebooks and pencils for lots of letters home)

and you will be issued all your uniforms (ACU's andPT's) and equipment such as your IBA and ACH(helmet and kevlar vest) and your rucksack and what not.

basically you will be in "replacement" for a week where you will get all your medical, and your contract done, as well as getting all your equipment for training.


what i took: MEPS backpack with socks, undergarments, phone and charger, pictures, tennis shoes, one pair of civilian clothes (you cant wear them till you phase up in AIT but whatevs) and my personal hygiene supplies....ooh you cant have anything like scented body wash or a loofah. you can have shampoo/comditioner, toothbrush/toothpaste, razors, MOLESKIN (will save your life) 

so the lighter you pack the better really. if you need things they take you once every three weeks (well with us they did with the 10 week basic) to a shoppette to buy supplies and you can keep anything from packages except food and electronics/ entertainment. so have your family send things youll need as well.



sorry its such a novel haha


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you! I've looked on the internet but you can't always rely on the things mentioned there. Haha.

I plan on bringing extra socks/undergarments/deodorant, etc.
Doesn't the $250 come out of your first pay? What if you don't use all of it, does it go back in your bank account? I'm not too terribly concerned what happens with it, just so long as I have it if I need it!

One more question, are ACE bandages allowed? I'm thinking if my feet aren't too cramped in the beginning, I might just wear the moleskin and wrap it with an ACE while trying to break them in. Then again, I have a wide foot and I've heard they can run pretty small. Let's hope not, as I loathe blisters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roperchick

i cant remember if it does or not. i know whatever you dont use gets put into your account but you have to remember, your getting paid 2ce while in basic and you dont see it so i really dont remember whether i saw it come out of my pay check. but even so i only used about 100 from mine. and alot of that was gifts for my parents on grad day haha.

as for the ace bandage, your not allowed to have any kind of support thing such as that unless you have a profile for it. you can get medical tape and tape the mole skin down but no ace bandages or braces or anything. yeah it sucks

my boots were SOOOO bad! we all had blisters at the end of FTX (field training) and our 10k ruck, even with moleski, you just gotta tuff it out. if you can get away with it, their winter boots are alot better quality so u could wear them and avoid some of the pain haha. but remember they are alot heavier and thicker and your feet will get hot!


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## BarrelWannabe

So sounds like I should hang on to it either way. Knowing what I bring will either be junk after the first week, or it'll get "lost".

I wasn't certian about ACE. Although it does make sense that unless I need it, I can't have it. I will have to find a good med. tape. I get crappy when I have blisters but like you said, just gotta suck it up!


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## Roperchick

yeah youll go through ALOT of socks. and its good to bring some of your own but youll end up buying more anyways haha


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## BarrelWannabe

Haha. Maybe I just need to ran-sack Walmart. I'm terrible with socks as it is!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

Man, I had a great workout today! A few hours of cardio and then 30 minutes of resistance stuffs. Kicked my butt but I'm going for more in the morning. 
I'm going to start going to the gym twice a day so I can increase how far and fast I can run. That's the main thing I'm worried about. I have absolutely NO stamina. I hit a mile when I'm running and my body says 'Yeah, no thanks. We're done.'
So I'm going to be working on my stamina.
The only other thing I'm worried about not doing well with is push ups. I've been doing 50 push-ups per day and I've seen some improvement, but not as much as I would like. 

I'm trying to not bulk up before I go to basic, so its kind of confusing as to what I need to do strength wise to survive basic. I'll get it down though, now that I have a better idea of what I need to focused on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gymkhanaprincess7

Awesome! Congrats on your productive workout!


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## Roperchick

yay work out! i do the same thing with my run! (well i did before i broke myself haha) but our sgts always tell us to overcome our minds and push through it. what i find helped me alot was doing alot of sprints such as 30/60's and 60/120's. and not always straight distance! good luck!


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## BarrelWannabe

I have tried to vary my speed intervals. It has helped and today I worked a half mile in 6 minutes at a fairly slow pace. I'm getting there! I don't want to be screwed when I do my p.t. test. The DS's will target me instantly. Haha.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

So, got my tattoo yesterday! I didn't get what I had originally plained on getting but I like it!

I'll to post pictures later today when someone will take a picture of it.


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## gunslinger

BarrelWannabe said:


> So, got my tattoo yesterday! I didn't get what I had originally plained on getting but I like it!
> 
> I'll to post pictures later today when someone will take a picture of it.


I'm on pins and needles......


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## gymkhanaprincess7

Can't wait to see your tattoo!


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## Skyseternalangel

How exciting!!


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## BarrelWannabe

Pardon the dirty looking shoulder. ._. I can't wash it just yet, but I will be able to this evening.
I was able to sit there for a few hours but I was done after that. I'm going to let it heal over completely and then go back for some more shading and detail work. It isn't super realistic, but I like it! It looks better in person, but isn't that how everything goes? lol.


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## Skyseternalangel

Gorgeous!!


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## Roperchick

NICE! just be cautious about what all tatts you get. theyre coming down hard on us and any prospectives coming in. trying to down-size and all... the tatt i was gonna get last weekend i had to cancel because it would have been "against" the new regulations.


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks guys! I'm probably going to wait a while to get any more. 
Just going to finish this one. 

I totally get why they are being much more selective as to what is acceptable and what isn't. I actually like that the military as a whole wants to project a high standard appearance. 

Just bein' nosy, what were you gonna get? If you don't mind saying.


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## Roperchick

i was gonna start my sleeves. i made a new drawing of a tribal horse (similar to the one i have on my ribs) and get it on my forearm. but now their anti sleeves. they allow those who already have sleeves to be "grandfathered" but since im in if i got my sleeves started now they would probably start UCMJ action.


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## Skyseternalangel

Sheesh that's weird..


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## Roperchick

its understandable though. now that some of the wars are winding down, theres gonna be ALOT more people back in garrison and they need to be proffesional. theyre not banning tattoos entirely just makng it to where you wont be making the uniform look trashy.

theres NOOOO way theyre gonna stop me from getting more tatts haha. theyre waaaaay too addicting. 
plus they would pis ALOT of military guys off because alot of us (me included) have tatts representing our units or the military or memoralizing and they cant stop taht.


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## Skyseternalangel

You should share pictures of your tatts!

I'm not BA enough to pull them off, and I'm a wimp. But love to look at them


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## BarrelWannabe

Ah come on Sky! You could get a little S for Sky somewhere! That would be really cute and simple to start with. 

You're starting a sleeve?? That's pretty bomb.com, Roper. I might do a sleeve on my leg in the future, but I'm not sure. 
I'll admit that they are addicting. I almost fell asleep when she was doing the outline. I figure when I need a message, why not knock out getting a tatt too! Hahaha. 

Heck, I'm probably going to be one of the people who gets either my unit or Army tattoo'd somewhere too. What I really, really, really want to get is the black, white, and gold Army star. I'm thinking about getting that right below the back of my neck. 


So, today I attempted hospital corners.........I'm really going to need to practice. Yeesh, I about smoked myself. They looked horrible! 
I also purchased The Ultimate Basic Training Guidebook. It has given me a lot of information and tips that I hadn't thought or known about.

I hope you guys don't think I'm cheating for doing this stuff. I just want to be ready to succeed when I go to basic.


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## Roperchick

haha just make sure you wait till AFTER basic to get the army tatt. one guy in my platoon had Army on his arm and he got soooo much crap the entire time for it.

and no. ur smart to get all the info you can before hand. i went in half cocked not knowing alot (except what i learned in JROTC. so the more you know before hand the betetr off youll be in basic!

also be careful with the tatt you want to get below your neck. it has to be able to be hidden underneath the collar of your dress uniforms or they wont let you in.

and yeah im trying to get my sleeves done. as long as theyre done before august 14th? i think. ill be good


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## Skyseternalangel

I really wanted one on my hip.. an S would be a very cool idea. I'll think it over haha!


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## gymkhanaprincess7

BarrelWannabe, it looks awesome! Soo pretty. Roperchick, no WAY I would be able to get sleeves. Partly because of parental restraints and I'm not BA enough  

But congrats on your tattoo, BWB! Toooo cool.


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## gunslinger

Roperchick said:


> NICE! just be cautious about what all tatts you get. theyre coming down hard on us and any prospectives coming in. trying to down-size and all... the tatt i was gonna get last weekend i had to cancel because it would have been "against" the new regulations.


Yea, that's what I was saying.....

Lot's of places I've hung pictures.....my skin isn't one of them.

Each to his (in this case her) own......

Glad you like it, and hope you still do 30 years from now.


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## Roperchick

haha gunslinger! i do now! and even if i dont downt the road, its in aa hideable place!...my sleeves on the other hand...haha


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## BarrelWannabe

As of today, I weigh 183 lbs. I've been stuck on 185 for the past week or so but I think I finally broke off of it. 

So 23 more pounds to go!


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## gunslinger

I bet the guys are starting to hit on you more aren't they?


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## BarrelWannabe

Haha! They are, I have to carry around a stick to beat 'em off. 

I had someone I was "talking" to before I started losing weight that saw me out and about. Needless to say, he had to do a double take and pick himself up off of the ground. It was so funny, I only managed a 'Hey' and a wave so I didn't laugh. 
I don't mean to sound cocky, but it really was funny.


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## gunslinger

That's what happens when you're a diva......

I'm proud of you......have fun with it!


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## BarrelWannabe

I am not a Diva! I just voice my thoughts and opinions in a very loud way. haha.


So, I went out to my Grandma's today to do a little work for her and got to talking about what they were going to do with the house and land when or if they went into a home or passed. They're on a little bit of hard times as it is, so it is a very real possibility that they may have to sell the house sooner than intended. 
I've always loved going out to my grandma's to help her, or fiddle with whatever animal, contraption, etc. that she comes across and she's done so much for me throughout my life. After all, she is the one that got me my first horse and has always been supportive of me getting another horse when the time is right.
The conversation then lead to me either buying it from them and having a mortgage, or paying off what they owe and then putting ownership in my name and do owner financing.

So if all goes according or close to plan, I'll have a 3 bedroom, 1 3/4 bath, 1600+ sq ft house with 5 acres! I'm so excited!
There are 2-4 additional plots that add up to 20-25+ acres that I would probably purchase from her as well. Right now, she has 2 plots that are a combined 11 acres that she's going to sign over to my mom and the other 2 plots are going to be given to my brother. Over time, I will certainly be purchasing the 2 plots plus an additional 7-8 acres that my mom already has, and if my brother is interested in selling as well. 
So that's 40 acres at the least! I'm just brimming with excitement and the land has so much potential. There is plenty of room to build a nice sized barn, an abundance of pasture and the potential for more. It will be the perfect place to raise a family. 
The house itself needs work, but nothing too difficult to deal with. Some electrical, the main bathroom floor needs replacing, updating appliances and heat & air, needs the roof redone, the garage needs to be gutted, rewired and have drywall hung. If I mortgaged it, I could probably work in the money to have repairs paid for. I'm going to either save my sign on bonus so I can have a down payment or pay off what they owe, put it in my name, and pay them a monthly sum(something close to what they pay, so I don't look or feel like I'm taking advantage of them).


This is all so exciting!

Oh, and I'm getting a bigger fishy tank so I can keep my 2 Comet goldfish. 

The only bad thing about this week so far is that the gym is closed tomorrow. Oh well, I'm going out again to help her build a pen for her animals so I'm sure I'll get plenty enough of a work out!


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## gymkhanaprincess7

183 pounds! Wow! Congratulations! When do we get to see pictures?!?!? 

And congrats on the land news! Awesome, awesome, awesome! Hope everything goes according to plan!


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## BarrelWannabe

When I have talent to take pictures! I SUCK at taking pictures. I think I might have some tomorrow.

I am giddy. This deal is perfect. This place is my second home. I actually feel more at home there than I here. My Harly is there too. I don't think I could live hundreds or thousands of miles away. I would find myself wandering home, so why leave?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

Sounds like a great opportunity.


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## gunslinger

BarrelWannabe said:


> When I have talent to take pictures! I SUCK at taking pictures. I think I might have some tomorrow.
> 
> I am giddy. This deal is perfect. This place is my second home. I actually feel more at home there than I here. My Harly is there too. I don't think I could live hundreds or thousands of miles away. I would find myself wandering home, so why leave?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



By golly, I think you've figured it out!


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## BarrelWannabe

Figured what out? I'm stupid and am having a blonde moment...


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## gunslinger

Just tap the ruby slippers three times and repeat after me........

There's no place like home.....

THERE'S no place like HOME.......

There's NO place Like Home.......


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## BarrelWannabe

Haha! NOW I get it. It's been an off day for me. 

But yes, there is no place like home. And that place is my home. I love every minute I spend out there. I can see little toe-head kiddos running around barefoot and then stepping in stickers. Oh there are so many things I can see now. I talked with my mom and at first she thought it was a bad idea but as I explained further, she came around. I told her that I would be buying it with the intent of being there forever and that it's raised one family so it's well equipt to do it again. She, now knowing my plan, thinks it's a good idea but warned me that things may not go according to plan. So I also need to be prepared incase I end up not getting the house or losing money./
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

So, is the army off now?


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## BarrelWannabe

Oh no! It's essential that I join the Army. That's how I'm going to be able to do all of this. 

I'm committed to this, and I desperately want to become a soldier so that I can defend my county.

I wouldn't be able to even think about buying the house if I don't join. It will provide me with the ability to go to college, and hopefully combined with any experience that I gain, will allow me to have a well paying job so that I can afford to buy the house. 


I still want to join, and I count the days as I get closer and closer to my goal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cacowgirl

I was wondering the same thing, glad you cleared that up. If you mean kids w/light colored hair that would be tow-headed-sounds the same, but the visual is much different than toe-head. Wish you the best & spell check doesn't know the difference.

Yes, a well-paying job is essential in the world as it is now.


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## Roperchick

haha. well payed. right. whats money again? i havnt seen it in so long i wouldnt recognize it.


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## gunslinger

I don't think the words "well paid" and "military" are allowed in the same sentence.

Soldier and Veterans alike are always taking it on the chin. I read an article that under Obamacare soldiers will be paying part of their medical insurance.


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## Skyseternalangel

Idk I think the Army is a good deal. You get food, housing, and get to travel and all you have to do is stay in shape and protect the country.


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## BarrelWannabe

I meant a well paying job as in AFTER the military. I know I wont make Jack to afford what I want to do.

Then again, what I would make while in the military would still be a lot to me. I'm not rich, nor do my parents choose to frivolously spend their money, so I deal with what I can get. I'll be greatful either way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BarrelWannabe

So far, my weight is the same. I'm okay with that because I'm gaining more muscle everyday. I can run/jog up to 5 miles now, and that is a huge accomplishment for me. My excitement grows and it seems as if my physical fitness is gaining in leaps and bounds. 

I've come to realize that I had lost sight of why I'm really doing this. I've talked about how it'll pay for my education, helping my with paying the house, good paying job, etc. 

I looked back and remembered why I wanted to do it. Why I want to be apart of something that is far greater than I could ever hope to be. I'm doing all of this for my country. For the ones I love, and the ones I'll never know, I will fight for them, and I will protect my country, no matter the price.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roperchick

you and me chick....were definitely on the same page.....except you can run.....and i cant....haha


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## BarrelWannabe

Awe come on! I love running. Especially after one of my longer works, I feel so dang good. Its like a drug. After a while, you just hit a high and can go on for miles. Then you hit the low and can't even do a 1/4 of a mile. XD That I hate.

I'm glad that you know where I'm coming from. I often have a hard time explaining to people why I'm joining. They're like 'Well why don't you become a police officer or sheriff's deputy?' It gets hard to explain after that. Then I get the people who are like I don't want to die or I don't like guns or having to kill people. I even had one person go so far as to talk crap on the service, mainly the Army. At first he said that he was opposed to the idea of killing someone and called anyone who had to shoot or kill someone trigger happy, blood thirsty and that they were going to hell. Mind you, this was in my government class so the military was brought up a time or two. 
After he said that I told that while he is entitled to his opinion, that if he talked anymore crap on the military that I'd drag him down to Fort Sill and let the DS's have at him. I also told him that it is the soldier that protects his freedom and 1st amendment right, not a politician, not the supreme court, not the president. There are those that gave their lives to give our country freedoms that none others have. They are the reason he was able to sit in that classroom and voice his opinions. After I was done with that rant, I told him that if he ever wanted to speak badly about the military, then he better have the guts to walk into a recruiter's office and start processing, because until then, his opinion didn't count for anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

If you get the chance, get Tom Brokaws book "The Greatest Generation".

I'm of the opinion that a large part of the country is so spoiled that they don't understand why our country needs a military.

The sad part is we can't seem to fight a war to win anymore. Lawyers on the battle field.

I talked to a young Marine, that was stationed on the Syrian border with Iraq. I asked him if he's going to stay in the Marines and he told me no. I asked him why?

He'd spent three tours in Iraq. On his third tour, something happened on the border and he discharged his weapon. He said he was interrogated by jag for 14 hours and he though he was going to be courtmarshalled. 

It's hard to fight a war when you can't fight to win.

Back to the greatest generation. The sacrifice those men and women made is astounding. 

Is our country willing and shed that much blood of it's sons and daughters again?

I'm not, not for politics. Maybe there was a clear enemy in WWII and the lack of one in the war on terror has made it political?


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## BarrelWannabe

Err, now you tell me about that book! I'm needing a good read for the drive out to New Mexico for a family thing. 

I agree, most people are so consumed with there own lives that they fail to see or understand the vital role the military plays. All they see is the money spent, lives lost, and what some would call a senseless war. 
Today's society is all about the individual. What can someone get for themselves and their family. Not what they can give for others and their country. I understand that not everyone is a patriot, but having faith and supporting your community should be a value that everyone has.


As far as our current "war", I too scratch my head when I read further into it. What exactly is it that we're fighting? Is it terrorism, or is it the oil that the Middle-East has control over? Sometimes I wonder who will really benefit from it all when everything is said and done. 
And how our troops are given a shake down for killing someone that was a threat. 

Like the young Marine, why punish for that? I thought that was what we are supposed to do? Doesn't fighting a war entail firing when fired upon? To defend against the enemy, and to defeat the enemy? 

It's just too strange for politics to NOT be involved. It's all so confusing and misleading. 

Where did the patriotism go after WWII? What changed?


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## Roperchick

aaaah video games???? haha. kids these days dont go out and stay caught up on things any more...they sit in their rooms and play MW3 and call of duty (youd think that would make them more gungho about it but whatevs) 

what ive really seen is theyre just lazy. they dont want to put effort into anything, so they sit on their bums thinking up radical ideas. they think their ENTITLED to their opinions and that they have the right to just say whatever they want and da** everybody else for it. they dont care about what we do to give them their rights.

i especially love the people that will come up to me and start raggin on me for being in the service. they tell me theyre entitled to their opinion and its their right of freedom of speech...well people what would you do if all us in uniform just quit and you lost that right? WERE THE ONES FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT. haha. i just brush it off now. you cant fix all the stupid in the world.

where in NM? my parents are in Aztec, up by the northern border.


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## BarrelWannabe

I hate how people think they're entitled to something. 
Hate to break it to ya, you were born naked and helpless. The world doesn't owe you a dang thing for living in it. YOU owe the world for being allowed to live.

As for video games, I hate them. Waste of time and resources. If you want something fun to do, get off your butt and go outside. It's free, unlike the outrageous amount of money you spent on those games. I don't allow anyone in the house to play video games, unless everything is clean, weather doesn't permit going outside, or the TV is broke. Even then I'll pull out paper and drawing materials and tell 'em to have it. I've gone toe to toe with my parents over it, because they could waste the money, but it'd be gone the next day if they did. My younger sister is NOT going to end up like I used to be. 


I'm full of p*** and vinegar today. I guarantee the first person to rag on me or try to talk down on me for being in the military will remember that they do have the right to their opinion, but so do I.

I'll probably rethink that tomorrow but today is a grumpy day for me. 


We'll be headed south to Silver City. I think that is where my dad is from originally, but I don't ask because he doesn't like to recall his childhood.

Oh and I'm at 180 lbs. 20 more to go!


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## Skyseternalangel

OMG playing catch up.......



BarrelWannabe said:


> Awe come on! I love running. Especially after one of my longer works, I feel so dang good. Its like a drug. After a while, you just hit a high and can go on for miles. Then you hit the low and can't even do a 1/4 of a mile. XD That I hate.
> 
> I'm glad that you know where I'm coming from. I often have a hard time explaining to people why I'm joining. They're like 'Well why don't you become a police officer or sheriff's deputy?' It gets hard to explain after that. Then I get the people who are like I don't want to die or I don't like guns or having to kill people. I even had one person go so far as to talk crap on the service, mainly the Army. At first he said that he was opposed to the idea of killing someone and called anyone who had to shoot or kill someone trigger happy, blood thirsty and that they were going to hell. Mind you, this was in my government class so the military was brought up a time or two.
> After he said that I told that while he is entitled to his opinion, that if he talked anymore crap on the military that I'd drag him down to Fort Sill and let the DS's have at him. I also told him that it is the soldier that protects his freedom and 1st amendment right, not a politician, not the supreme court, not the president. There are those that gave their lives to give our country freedoms that none others have. They are the reason he was able to sit in that classroom and voice his opinions. After I was done with that rant, I told him that if he ever wanted to speak badly about the military, then he better have the guts to walk into a recruiter's office and start processing, because until then, his opinion didn't count for anything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well if they can't understand then they can't understand *shrug* People are all so different.. it's like trying to explain Sky to a complete stranger. Some people get it, others... pretend to get it, and the third lot don't even want to try to comprehend it. 

I'm happy for you that you're joining and for such a wonderful reason  I kind of felt the same for becoming a vet/farmer (yes... a farming vet LOL) because I wanted to help the animals out as best as I could. Not for the money or the cute creatures or whatever.. just to help out everything from livestock to domestic to wild.

Running is wonderful but I HATE running when I am told to do so. I run in my own time.. when I run for others it tires me quickly and then I feel crappy. It's weird haha.



gunslinger said:


> I'm of the opinion that a large part of the country is so spoiled that they don't understand why our country needs a military.
> 
> The sad part is we can't seem to fight a war to win anymore. Lawyers on the battle field.
> 
> I talked to a young Marine, that was stationed on the Syrian border with Iraq. I asked him if he's going to stay in the Marines and he told me no. I asked him why?
> 
> He'd spent three tours in Iraq. On his third tour, something happened on the border and he discharged his weapon. He said he was interrogated by jag for 14 hours and he though he was going to be courtmarshalled.
> 
> It's hard to fight a war when you can't fight to win.
> 
> Back to the greatest generation. The sacrifice those men and women made is astounding.
> 
> Is our country willing and shed that much blood of it's sons and daughters again?
> 
> I'm not, not for politics. Maybe there was a clear enemy in WWII and the lack of one in the war on terror has made it political?


I agree that our country is spoiled.. and people are joining the military for the wrong reasons. To get good retirement.. stay in for minimal time and get out. Others join to fight just because they can. And then the few join to protect the country and stand up for our rights.

It's a mishmash :/



BarrelWannabe said:


> I agree, most people are so consumed with there own lives that they fail to see or understand the vital role the military plays. All they see is the money spent, lives lost, and what some would call a senseless war.
> Today's society is all about the individual. What can someone get for themselves and their family. Not what they can give for others and their country. I understand that not everyone is a patriot, but having faith and supporting your community should be a value that everyone has.
> 
> 
> As far as our current "war", I too scratch my head when I read further into it. What exactly is it that we're fighting? Is it terrorism, or is it the oil that the Middle-East has control over? Sometimes I wonder who will really benefit from it all when everything is said and done.
> And how our troops are given a shake down for killing someone that was a threat.
> 
> Like the young Marine, why punish for that? I thought that was what we are supposed to do? Doesn't fighting a war entail firing when fired upon? To defend against the enemy, and to defeat the enemy?
> 
> It's just too strange for politics to NOT be involved. It's all so confusing and misleading.
> 
> Where did the patriotism go after WWII? What changed?


I agree with you and reserve the right to ask the same questions :/



Roperchick said:


> aaaah video games???? haha. kids these days dont go out and stay caught up on things any more...they sit in their rooms and play MW3 and call of duty (youd think that would make them more gungho about it but whatevs)
> 
> what ive really seen is theyre just lazy. they dont want to put effort into anything, so they sit on their bums thinking up radical ideas. they think their ENTITLED to their opinions and that they have the right to just say whatever they want and da** everybody else for it. they dont care about what we do to give them their rights.
> 
> i especially love the people that will come up to me and start raggin on me for being in the service. they tell me theyre entitled to their opinion and its their right of freedom of speech...well people what would you do if all us in uniform just quit and you lost that right? WERE THE ONES FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT. haha. i just brush it off now. you cant fix all the stupid in the world.
> 
> where in NM? my parents are in Aztec, up by the northern border.


I love video games for fun but you are absolutely correct. They live in a fantasy world where war isn't real and nothing can hurt them. Where they are lazy and just do whatever makes them happy. It ****es me off to no end. Where are the people who truly care and work hard?! I'm a hard worker and a real caring person.. but it sucks when most I meet around me are not. They are consumed in their own selfish needs and don't lend a hand or support others.

They say they do, but their words are empty and their lack of actions communicate themselves louder. 



BarrelWannabe said:


> I hate how people think they're entitled to something.
> Hate to break it to ya, you were born naked and helpless. The world doesn't owe you a dang thing for living in it. YOU owe the world for being allowed to live.
> 
> As for video games, I hate them. Waste of time and resources. If you want something fun to do, get off your butt and go outside. It's free, unlike the outrageous amount of money you spent on those games. I don't allow anyone in the house to play video games, unless everything is clean, weather doesn't permit going outside, or the TV is broke. Even then I'll pull out paper and drawing materials and tell 'em to have it. I've gone toe to toe with my parents over it, because they could waste the money, but it'd be gone the next day if they did. My younger sister is NOT going to end up like I used to be.
> 
> 
> I'm full of p*** and vinegar today. I guarantee the first person to rag on me or try to talk down on me for being in the military will remember that they do have the right to their opinion, but so do I.
> 
> I'll probably rethink that tomorrow but today is a grumpy day for me.
> 
> 
> We'll be headed south to Silver City. I think that is where my dad is from originally, but I don't ask because he doesn't like to recall his childhood.
> 
> Oh and I'm at 180 lbs. 20 more to go!


You're allowed to be pull of p*ss and vinegar! 

I hate how they are entitled to something too. You have to WORK for it... it's not going to be delivered on a silver platter or by the lottery or whatever. It sucks that they try to do the minimum to scrape by. It really truly sucks.

You GO girl!!!!!


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## BarrelWannabe

Would you guys think less of me if I didn't enlist?


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## Roperchick

nobody would think less of you.
do you mind sharing why?


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## BarrelWannabe

I've been thinking a little bit about everything. 
I'm thinking about getting a job until I would leave for basic. I'm thinking about how to find a way to ride, to work with horses, or anything to do with them.

My sister's exboyfriend and I have recently come to terms with each other and as of now, he doesn't mind if I come out and mess with his horses. He even offered to let me ride if or when he brings his extra saddle with him.

I guess all of this was brought on yesterday. I went out there halfway hoping that I might be able to ride, but I figured I would settle for a little grooming time. I get there and there are about 5-6 people tacked up and ready to ride, so instead of hanging around and getting in the way, I gave him back some tack that my sister had stolen from him(THAT is a novel in itself.), and went on my way. 

I don't mean to sound like a cry baby when I say this, but I cried when I got to my truck. I haven't been able to ride in almost a year and I miss it so badly. I feel like it's hopeless, and that I won't be able to ride until I get my own horse again. That could be years from now, and I think I might go crazy waiting that long. 
I've tried looking for trainers, barns, or anywhere that offers lessons or the opportunity to ride. I haven't found anywhere that is close enough, and now that I'm not working, I can't afford anything to begin with. Heck, I'm even willing to trade hard work for some ride time. 
My parents don't want to pay for horse related things, which is completely understandable 'cause it's their money and they can do what they want with it, so the only way I can take lessons or buy tack to ride is to start working again. 

I'm willing to start working again so that I can afford to do that kind of stuff, but I'm afraid that I'll stray from my current path. What if I become so consumed by working, and riding, and maybe even living on my own, that I choose a different path?
I posted a thread about becoming an Equine Massage Therapist as a second job/career, but I've been thinking about persueing that as a full time thing. 


All in all, I'm confused. I want to make the best decision for myself. I'm just not sure what will make me the happiest in life.


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## Roperchick

Honey, i was in the EXACT same boat as you. ive been on island for over a year and a half, ive had exactly 3 weeks total with my baby since June of 2010. He is 6 yrs old and i have missed out on 3 years of his life. 
For awhile i thought i would go crazy. i would see people on FB posting about going to a rodeo, riding with their friends and i would get soooo jealous (still do sad to say) 

but you know what keeps me going?

1. im serving my country and i am part of something bigger. i have thousands of men and women that have my back
2. i know that while i am thousands of miles away from my kids and i havnt ridden much less touched my horse since christmas i am doing something to protect them, and i am making a steady pay check so i can support myself and them when i get home.
3. the job force in civilian world is crap right now...where else are you gonna get free housing, free food, free medical, free schooling, etc. and still be able to bank enough to suppoprt yourself outside of the military?


i know it seems like it would KILL you to go to 10 weeks of basic, go to weeks/months of advanced training, maybe get deployed, but its all toward taking car of you and your horse


DONT think i dint regret my decision right before basic, or any time after. sometimes i regret it alot. i wish i had never enlisted and all i want to do is go home and ride. but i remind myself, everything im doing now, i do for my family, for my friends, and for my horses. 

i am COUNTING the days till i get stationed back in the states but i know that what i am doing now is whats best for me and everybody and everything i love.

horses will always come first for me (after family and friends of course) but if you dont enlist, just because youd miss your horses, you may regret it.


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks Roper, I knew you'd understand.

I guess I've just let myself wander, and now it's time to come back to where I need to be. 
I'll admit that I am the jealous type, but only when it comes to those who haven't had to work for what they have. If you've put in your time, I respect and admire you more than anything. Maybe that's the way I need to look at it. I have to put in my dues and do my part for the things I want. 

How long would it take me to achieve my goals if I didn't join the military? 10, 15, heck 20 years??
Whereas while the military, I can be right on track to having a house, horses, and land, all within the next 10 years.

Yes, now that I pull my head out of the clouds, I can see clearly that my plan has been and will be the most effective. Why would I not take the opportunity to have a very little to no cost of living and start using and investing what I make wisely. 
And I do agree, I need to do my duty and protect my freedom to choose what to make of my own life. 

I think as of now, basic and AIT are going to be my biggest hurdles. After that, I'm sure that I'll have some sort of free time to do the things I love.



I've never been the most patient person. Thank you for helping me remain patient and strive to obtain and succeed my goals.


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## Roperchick

no problemo! you and me are sisters chick.

just think if you stay in the 20 yrs it may take you to get where you want to be in a civilian life, you could be retired with full benifits and bankin!

if you ever need someone to talk to im here for ya!


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## BarrelWannabe

Thanks!

I've thought about doing 20, but I'll see how my first enlistment goes.

Same for you too! I'm a good listener.


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## gunslinger

I planned on doing 20 myself but only did one and part of another.

I was lied to from day one. Told me I was going to basic at Ft. Jackson, handed me a ticket to Ft. Bliss.

Told me I was going to Germany after AIT, handed me orders to Korea 7 days before graduation.

Reenlisted for a school, then told me the school was full, take the VRB or choose another MOS.

I filed for breach of contract, won, and would up with three honorable discharges.

I did my part, they didn't do they're part. I hate liars.

So, When I told you the army would lie to you, that comes from personal experience.

And now, you know, the rest of the story......


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## Roperchick

oh believe me Gunslinger i know ecactly what youre talking about...but i still love it haha!


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## BarrelWannabe

Yes, I'm sure I'll be lied to. It's the name of the game. I'll probably raise hell if I can't get or am cheated out of the 91w. 

I was surprised when I took a "practice" ASVAB and scored a 68, so hopefully that is a good indicator of what my score could be. I'm fairly certain that I'll have to take it again as it's been more than 2 years since the last time I took it. 

But I did a lot more thinking, and while I may have my doubts, the military is undoubtedly the path I want to take. With all of the benefits and opportunities, I would be stupid not to do it.

The way I look at it is that I'm playing a game. I can make any move I want, but by choosing the Army, I give myself a head start. I'm one step ahead of the rest, and I'll reach the finish line faster. 

So as of today, I have a remaining 20 pounds. I am confident that I'll be ready before the summer is up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roperchick

wooooh! im rootin for ya!

i think youre pretty safe in getting 91W their offering MOS changes and reenlistment bonuses if you switch to medical.

azvab wise, it depends. i got a 75 on my practice and an 93 on my azvab. its the same for alot of my buddies so youll probably be scoring hifgher on the test.


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## BarrelWannabe

I'm interested to see what I would make.

I'm a little disappointed with my mom. 
I'm in New Mexico at the moment for one of my cousin's wedding, and her mom(my aunt) has offered to let me stay down here for a while. She even told me about an ER tech job that I could get if I wanted to stay long enough. 
I asked my mom if I could stay down here while my younger sister is staying with some family in Texas for the next few weeks. She said that was ok, but I'm not sure how I would get home. 

I then asked her if she would have a way for someone to watch her until school starts a week later if I wanted to stay longer to take the job. At first she said that she could find someone, but then she changes her mind and says "I'm gonna be selfish, and I want you to stay home until you leave for basic." 
So instead of gaining some experience as to what my MOS will be like, I'm going to go in blind. 
She then says that the ER Tech wouldn't be any kind of money to pay bills...
How do you know that! 
My aunt understands that it wouldn't be a serious job, and I would be staying with her, so what money I would make would help with bills anyways. I'm mostly interested so I can have the experience. 
I'm frustrated that, knowing I would have a place to stay and my little sister would be taken care of, she doesn't want to let me do it.

I'm just trying to get ahead of the game.
I thought that was what parents are supposed to be supportive of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

While the army is going to teach you everything you need to know, IMO, it would be good to work in the job to see if that's really what you want for a career.

If you decided you didn't like the field then you would still have time to pick another MOS.....

Sometimes, the job you want turns out to something different that what you think it is.....


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## BarrelWannabe

And that was what I told her. I want to see how it is, although I'm sure I'll like it. I like fast paced, high adrenaline work. I would just like to get my toes wet first. 

I'm not going to fight it. As much as I would like to, it wont turn out well. I just wish my mom would start letting go, because she's going to be lost when I leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Yes, she will, and things will never be the same again.:-|


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## BarrelWannabe

Well, I'm back from New Mexico. While it wasn't extremely fun, I'm still glad I was able to go. The thing I loved the most was when we were on our way home. We left at 4 in the morning, and while it was still dark, we drove through the Black Range. At first, I couldn't see anything besides the road signs reflection from the truck's headlights, but as we drove further into the mountains, the sun started to peak over the horizon. 









It got as cold as 55 degrees up there, which by the way felt amazing. I would have loved for the foreground to be a little more visable but that was the only good picture I got. We drove 14 hours, only stopping to go to the restroom and to eat lunch. Haha, I think if I had to sit any longer I would have gone insane. 

The whole time we were there, all I ate was junk. I can't believe I used to eat like that everyday. I think I need to de-tox after all of it. Turns out though that I only gained a pound! So I don't feel horribly guilty about eating all of that junk. 
So now I'm back on track, and the end of August seems to be when I'll be ready. 

Oh, and I found a bale of Alfalfa in Amarillo! It was just sitting on the side of the road, with no one or nothing that it would have belonged to, so finder's keepers!  I gave it to my grandma, and I'm sure her 3 cows and 2 donkeys will enjoy it, because it sure smelt delicious to me!


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## BarrelWannabe

All is going well! I finally broke being at 180 lbs, and I feel great. I'm getting so close! 

I have been thinking a lot about what to do with the time I have left before I go through meps, and if I have a few months wait before basic. 
I've thought about getting a job, saving up a little money to buy a nicer vehicle or going to school to get my CNA. If I went to school, I think it'll take 2 years? to get my CNA. The good thing about this school is that tuition is free until I'm 24, all I have to do is pay for books, extra fees, or anything else I need besides tuition. 
I've also thought about doing both for a few years, and it would be good that I gain some experience from school for the Army. 

Or should I just be patient, and work on my physical fitness so that I'm better prepared for basic? 

What stops me from working or going to school is that I have this intuitive feeling that I need to join NOW. Like as soon as I'm ready, I need to go. 
I don't know why I'm feeling this way. It isn't like I only have a few years to join. I know I would have the time, but I feel like I have to now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roperchick

if you join now, and decided to do school in the army you can get TA for all the books and what not you need. free schooling is always a plus imo haha.

aaah so lucky you got to go to my desert (NM) im soooo jelly haha


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## BarrelWannabe

Very true. 
I liked New Mexico, but there wasn't enough grass for me! I did enjoy the mid 80's temps being as I was up in the mountains. 


I had another classmate pass a few days ago. That's the 4th person that I knew who has passed. He was killed in a four-wheeler accident saturday morning. He was an A+ student who was looking forward to college soon. 

I don't know what is happening in this town, but it's something strange. What is even stranger is that he passed 5 days after the one year mark of another classmate and close friend's death. 
Strange happenings, and I wanna get out of here before things get worse.


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## gunslinger

Yes, well, get use to it......people die. All things of the world must end.

You don't have to like it, but there ain't but one way out....and no one here gets out alive....

As I get older, more of the people I knew in school are showing up in the obits.....

The way I figure it, every day that you're above ground is a good day.


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## Roperchick

Honestly if i were you i would probably wait for a while before enlisting....theyre down-sizing now and looking for ANY excuse to kcik people out...
just look at my thread http://www.horseforum.com/member-journals/horses-horses-more-horses-126007/page8/

this is just whats been goin in my deal....my friend just got kicked out for "minor misconducts" for not getting his car fixed (he had 2....just like me....and one was a long term project for him that he was trying to supe up whcich is why he got kicked out) and for not telling his chain of command that he was ghosting (living off base even though he has a barracks room) with his gf.

theyre looking for everything so when you come in be on your A-Game cuz theyre cracking down HARD.


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## BarrelWannabe

You know, I'm gonna take you up on your advice, Roper. I'm still going to join, no doubt about that. As of now though, I've started looking for another job and I'm setting up an interview at the local technical school. They have a 6 month Vet Assistant course, and I'm really interested in taking it, plus tuition is free! 

I'm either going to wait until after the election or when spring comes around. I've been thinking A LOT about going back to school, working, and enlisting. I still have a little bit more debating to do, but I'm open minded about it.


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## gunslinger

BarrelWannabe said:


> You know, I'm gonna take you up on your advice, Roper. I'm still going to join, no doubt about that. As of now though, I've started looking for another job and I'm setting up an interview at the local technical school. They have a 6 month Vet Assistant course, and I'm really interested in taking it, plus tuition is free!
> 
> I'm either going to wait until after the election or when spring comes around. I've been thinking A LOT about going back to school, working, and enlisting. I still have a little bit more debating to do, but I'm open minded about it.


ATA girl.....now you're using your head. You're learning.

Now, one more thing. Nothing in life is free. It may be at no cost to you, but someone is paying the bill. I cringe when I hear the word free. 

Another thing. If it's worthwhile it's worth paying for. Don't depend on other peoples money.

If you want a little grandfatherly advice.....go back to school and get a degree in something other than physiology or basketweaving......This is your time, take advantage of it. It's going to be harder to do as you get older......Although I've met several people in their 40's and 50's that went back and finished their degree.

Like Roperchick, I served under a democrat, Jimmy Carter, and IMO serving under Obama can't be easy either. 

Now, should November be favorable to the nation, then the military with all it's problems wouldn't be a bad place to start.


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## BarrelWannabe

Oh I know! In all reality, it wont be free. I'll be buying books, supplies, gas, etc. But it will be worth it. I would love to have a job with animals, even if it is doing paperwork more than anything. 

I'm hoping and have my fingers crossed. If Obama gets a second term evil, I'm not going to let that stop me. I'll just have to be on my A game, like Roper said. 

I'm about to go see if I can get a job at a place here in town, I hope I get it.


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## gunslinger

Didn't you have a job a a feed store or something?


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## BarrelWannabe

No, I had a job in fast food, but I quit about a month ago. I WISH I had a job at a feed store. That would be great.

But,....I have an interview on Saturday for a job! Lets hope I get it. 



Should I keep this journal open, or just post when I decide to enlist? If we have a Republican in office, you can guess what I'll be doing the day after we know who won. Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

I'm thinking you still have time to register for college......I think classes start soon around here....


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## BarrelWannabe

So I'm not losing weight fast enough, according to my "father". Apparently, he could lose 15 pounds in 3 days. I'm at 175 pounds right now, and that's what I need to lose, but my body can only work so hard without leaving itself damaged and in pain. So do you want me to not eat for the next week? Would it make you feel better when I'm so hungry, that I'm to the point of crying from the pain? 
He says that I can be at the gym for 6-8 hours a day and lose the weight. "you'll be in incredible shape by then", he says. MAYBE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO MOVE AFTER THAT! Have you given the slightest thought as to what that could do to my body? If it's so easy, then why don't you do it? Oh that's right, you "work" to pay bills. You "work" to pay for me to "play", and not do anything around the house. Although if I didn't do the dishes or take out the trash everyday, you wouldn't do it at all! It would sit there for WEEKS and you would walk by it everytime, doing nothing about it. Yes, I'm the lazy, worthless one. Heaven forbid that I miss a sock in the floor, or sleep in for an hour because I've been sick for the past three days and I can't get any sleep! It's not like you take the time or care enough to notice. I'm surprised you still remember my name and that I exist, but then again, you hardly use my name or remember anything about me. I'm curious as to why you did just leave me at the hospital, because I "cost you so much". But instead, you chose to mentally and physically abuse me for the past 18 years, and like you've done with 5 of your other children, are probably going to kick me out within the next week. Well don't bother, I'll be gone before then. I'll sleep in my truck if I have to. I'm sure you'll only care and want me back because of the things piling up and rotting in your "home". 


You wonder why I'm bitter. You ask me why I'm always angry. 
How can I be anything else, when you're the one that made me this way. By putting me down, degrading everything I do, what the hell did you think was going to happen? Did you think it was going to make me feel better? Or fix my problems?
No, it only made them worse. 

But don't worry, once I'm gone, you won't have to worry. You won't have to "pay" for me anymore, even if I come back in a metal box with a flag on top of it. All you'll have to do is stand there, cold and emotionless, just like I would.


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## Cacowgirl

Sorry that your life has been so rough. Your pain & anger are so close to the surface. I think waiting to enlist is a good idea. You've been through a lot in the last few months-take some time to get to know the new you-you are a different person & you are strong!


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## BarrelWannabe

Thank you, Cacowgirl.

I know my life could be worse, and I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep on but I'm confused as to what more he wants me to do!
When this all started, I asked if me staying at home until I was ready was ok, and they both agreed as long as I did my part, and if need be, get another job. I've done my chores, I'm not disrespectful, nor am I lazy about things. I do what I'm told when I'm told, unless I can't do it right that minute. I'm also looking for a job, and I'm confident that I'll get the job when I go in for my interview tomorrow, so what else does he want me to do? It'll take me 2 or 3 months to accumilate any amount of money to easily move out, but I can do it sooner if need be.

I just don't see a problem. What else is there left besides moving out? I'm not perfect, nor is he by a longshot, so I don't understand why he seeks that in me. 
He has raised us the same way he has raised us. You did what you're told, didn't talk back, and you got hit if you did, but that doesn't give him the right to be abusive because his parents were. It doesn't solve anything and it makes him just as bad as my grandparents for doing the same.
I'm not rude with him, nor do I smart off because I don't feel up to having a black eye. When he told me all of this this morning, the only thing I said to argue with him is that I cannot control how much my body loses. So he told me not to play the "poor, poor, pitiful me" card. I wasn't looking for attention, just simply stating a fact. I've had enough, and it's getting to the point that if I don't remove myself from the situation, things will escalate to the point that him and I will come to blows. I'm not afraid of him, and I will defend myself anyway possible, but I'd rather not burn any bridges.


I don't know if I'm sounding like a rebelious teenager, and I know being 18 that my parents don't HAVE to support me, but I would prefer not to be completely helpless if I have to move out.


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## BarrelWannabe

I've made the decision to move out once I have another job. It'll be the best choice all around, and it's time that I move out. 

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the Army. While I THINK I would enjoy being in the medical field, I'm just not sure. I don't really know what I would want to do. It's an odd feeling when you stop and realize that you have no idea who you are. I don't know what I'd like to do, or who I want to be. 
I've thought about being an MP. I would love to be a canine handler and I think I would also enjoy it. 

I really should talk with a recuiter, but I feel like a failure when I'm still not skinny enough.


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## gunslinger

Good to see you post, I was getting kind of worried about you.

Actually, you're in the same spot that a lot of young people are.

Think about getting a career that you enjoy, pays well, and has a lot of opportunity when you get out. Dog handling sounds pretty cool, but walking sentry around a perimeter in the dark when it's -20 outside isn't how I'd want to spend 4 years. That pretty much limits you to a law enforcement job when you get out.

Medical is the future. Lots of boomers aging and the need is high. I think there will be plenty of work if Obama doesn't continue to screw it up.

As far as moving out, well, yes, it's probably time.

My best friends mother had a saying......every little mousey needs his own little housey. Now's the time to start thinking hard on how you're going to make your own way.

Live small, save some money. Don't try to get everything now.

You're going to be fine young lady.....believe in yourself.


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## BarrelWannabe

Geez, the last few weeks have been tough. I finally found a job and I start tomorrow, but it has been hell trying to find one.

My dad was going to kick me out if I didn't find a job by the end of the month. I have been going 90 to nothin' trying to find SOMETHING. I applied to more than 20 businesses, and I would have taken anything. I called, went up and bugged management or owners, and just tried to get anything I could. Nothing! It wasn't until yesterday that I got an interview and was offered a job.
So I've been stressed. I'm down to 172 lbs, but I've been eating a LOT more because of the stress so my weight has gone up and down, but things are getting better. 

Good news though. I bought a new pair of jeans today, and when I tried them on, they fit! They're a size 8! I haven't been this size since before my first year of junior high. I'm stoked.


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## Roperchick

glad things are getting better for you! keep it up haha


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## gunslinger

So I guess it's to early to ask you for a loan?:lol:

Lol.....glad you found something and it's good to see you posting again.

Life has its ups and downs.....good to see you're on the up swing again.

What are you going to be doing at the new job?


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## Cacowgirl

Congrats on getting a job-not the easiest feat right now! It seems to take forever to get that first check. Live small-save lots-you'll need it. A size 8 is fabulous! Just be careful-it's so easy for weight to sneak back on.


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## BarrelWannabe

Roper, thanks! I read your post too, and don't let it get you down. There's always good, and there's always bad. It sounds like the good is on its way.

Gunslinger, are you kidding me?? I'm always broke. Haha. Even if I am making money. 

Its just fast food. I hate that its what I could get, but hey, its what I could get.

Cacowgirl, thank ya thank ya. Yeah, I wont get one until the 10th of next month. Talk about forever! 

I'm careful with my weight. I know that's a possibility, but I don't EVER want to be the way I was again. I will never in my life gain any of it back. I'm determined that this new me is here to stay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Nothing wrong with working fast food....better than sitting at the house.....

My first real job, other than hauling hay and working tobacco, was at a Burger Chef. I started making .95 cents an hour and quit 2 and a half years later at a buck and a quarter.......I left to bus tables at a truck stop and thought I'd hit the big time to be making minimum wage.....which at that time was $1.65.

Make sure to work hard, do a little bit more than asked, and appreciate the guy who pays you.

You have great things coming in your future but you have to start somewhere. Like most of us, you start at the bottom......

Congratulations!


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## BarrelWannabe

Very true! I've actually come to quite like this job. It's well managed and I'll willingly stay past my scheduled shift if asked. 

Today, I rode for the first time in almost a year! Oh I'm absolutely brimming with joy right now.  I get to ride in the morning too! 
Oh and the good news keeps coming. Haha. Not only was I able to get on two different horses without a stool, I was able to post while trotting. Go me! I was never able to get on without help and couldn't post due to horrible balance. I sat in that saddle and all my worries went away.

I finally broke out of my 170 lbs range. I weighed 168 lbs this morning. 18 more pounds and I'll have lost 100 lbs! I'll most certianly be posting about that milestone. Lots of pictures too!


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## gunslinger

Dang it....I've gained about 5 pounds back.....I don't know how you do it....you go girl!


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## BarrelWannabe

Gosh! It's been forever and a day since I've updated. 

I've been working 50+ hour weeks so I haven't had much time or energy to get in a good workout. On the bright side, I'm going into management! I've been offered and would be the assistant manager(in training), so that's exciting for me. 

Right now, I'm trying to move into my own place. My parents are starting to drive me crazy! Haha. But really, I'm ready to be on my own. I know its not all freedom and good times living on your own and having to pay bills, but oddly enough I like the idea of being independent. 

I'm still planning on enlisting, just hasn't happened in the time frame I thought it would. I've got plenty of time though, and I would like to be fully prepared instead of rushing into it when Im ready.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gunslinger

Wheeeew,.....nice to know you're alive and well....


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## Cacowgirl

Glad to see your update. You are doing great on the weight loss & I'm happy you have done some riding. I've heard from friends that as you go up in management the pay gets pretty nice. You just might find a niche you like that will give you a chance at the life you want w/out going into the service. Have you read any of RoperChick's stories of the military life? She's living it right now & it has plenty of rough spots. Good to be aware.


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## gunslinger

The problem with a management job is it's probably salaried. I hope you don't wind up in a situation where your hourly rate is actually lower than it is now.

Lots of places don't want to pay overtime and keep employees under 40 hours a week.

When you're salaried they could demand you work 80 hours a week and when you figure in the overtime rate of 1.5 which they won't have to pay you then managers can actually make less money than hourly employees getting paid overtime pay.

Proceed with caution.


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## BarrelWannabe

Well, I guess I'm not going to take the management position. While the job itself is easy, I'm not sure if I want to make the commitment time wise. It isn't salaried, but if the hours are what I think they're be, I'd burn myself out. I'm already worn out as it is, and the managers now work 55+ hours/week. Plus, they're taking forever and a day to set any training in motion, so I think it's best to let it pass. I still like the job though! When I get a day off, I'm so bored that I don't know what to do! Haha.
I know though, that is isn't something that I want to do long term, so I'm staying on the planned path. 

I haven't read up on Roper lately but now that you mention it, I should! I've read a few of her posts from a month or so ago, and it sounded like she's going through rough times. 
I feel though, that the military is the way I'm supposed to go. Whether I stay in for 8 years or 18 years, I still want to go. Not only for my country, but for myself. To make myself a better person, for my future.


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## Cacowgirl

You are a very determined young lady-my hat is off to you! As always-I'm wishing you the best.


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## gunslinger

I think you're making a wise choice.....stay there a year or so, get some work experience and work history and move on.

As for your off time.....how about taking some basic, transferable credit courses at the local Jr. College?

My feeling is the easiest way for you to move up is through education. One class at a time and easy does it for now.

Roperchick is okay, got a dose of military discipline that's all....which sometimes happens to the very best (which I'm sure she is).....

Frankly, it's getting tougher to have a career in the military with downsizing and all.

You know we miss you when you don't keep us updated don't you?


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## Roperchick

> Roperchick is okay, got a dose of military discipline that's all....which sometimes happens to the very best (which I'm sure she is).....
> 
> Frankly, it's getting tougher to have a career in the military with downsizing and all.


bahaha so right Gunslinger

Hey chick long time no see (read) haha. yeah. i definitely got a nice kick in the butt from the army...but it happens to everybody at some point. it was a good wakeup call though ill tell you.


The army is still a good choice....just be careful with it, make sure you get ALL the details before coming in and really make sure its the choice you want.

dont settle. the army is in a position now where they can be really picky and selective. its not like it was a couple years ago when i joined, where they were pushing to get people in, offering all kinds of jobs and bonuses.

now, they arent offering ANY bonuses, theres no changing an MOS, retention officers no longer get a pat on the back if they get over quota for reenlistment...now they get dirty looks.. even us that are already in are having a hard time convincing the army to keep us.

they just basically FIRED 9 E-8's and E-9's. were talking the big dogs, top of their game. army is starting from the top and kicking people out.

so when you do go in, make sure your sh*t is straight. dont have ANYthing they can nitpick and beat on. make them WANT to have you in.



glad things are going good for you. keep working hard, have a spotless record with good references and youll do great in life, and the army down the line.


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## gunslinger

Roperchick said:


> bahaha so right Gunslinger
> 
> they just basically FIRED 9 E-8's and E-9's. were talking the big dogs, top of their game. army is starting from the top and kicking people out.



What they did is try to save money on retirement. Over the years I've seen many men with 15 + years but less than 20 forced out.

The lure of early retirement is great but often the practicality of it just doesn't work out and in the end it usually always favors the army.


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## BarrelWannabe

Gosh, I REALLY need to find more time in the day to post. 

I've been working like crazy, but my weight is still good. I haven't lost any weight in the last month, but it's holding steady. Tomorrow I'm going to get up early and go a long jog and a ride with lots of trotting! Lets see if I can walk on tuesday.


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## gunslinger

Nice! Tell us about the horse you're riding...


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## BarrelWannabe

Oh she's the sweetest litte mare. I'm not sure of her age, nor is she registered, but she's calm and as steady a horse I've ever ridden. 
She's one I can stick my little sister on bareback(helmet of course), and not worry. 
Her only downside is that she's an old pokey. Walking is her favorite speed, and you really have get after her to move out, so she's dead-sided from people kicking. I'm working with her on verbal cues rather than leg cues. I don't want to use spurs, so I think I might try a small crop for added encouragement.
I really, really like this little girl. I've been contemplating buying her once spring comes around. Then again, it's just a thought and I have lots to think about. 

Here's a picture of her:


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## Cacowgirl

Glad to hear that you are getting a horse fix, & your little sister also.


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## Roperchick

hey chick long time no see! glad to see (read haha) that things are goin pretty good for ya.


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