# Craziest analogies your instructor has made



## Collegialequestrian (Jul 24, 2013)

I'm writing an article for HorseNation and wanted to crowdsource my research a bit since I'm sure there are some doozies out there. 

What is the craziest analogy your instructor has ever made? Things like: "wrap your legs around and squeeze like a tube of toothpaste," "point your hips forward like laser beams" etc


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## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

LOL

She tells me my boobs are headlights. That's to keep my upper body lined up for equitation.

"Gotta keep your headlights straight where you wanna go! Otherwise you'll be riding blind!"

:lol:


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## jinxremoving (Apr 6, 2009)

SorrelHorse said:


> LOL
> 
> She tells me my boobs are headlights. That's to keep my upper body lined up for equitation.
> 
> ...


Yep! I had an instructor who used that analogy a lot with me too when I first started riding.

She always said it was a force of habit since all her other students were girls, but I said it still applied to me anyway ... it's just mine are still developing and seem to be taking forever to come in! ;(


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## Incitatus32 (Jan 5, 2013)

When the lesson instructor out at our barn gives lessons she always tells the kids learning how to canter: "Use your butt and paint the saddle!" to teach them to move with the horse!


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

Dance with your horse, do dirty dancing!


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## BlueDiamonds218 (Jul 28, 2013)

When i was in college my instructor had the hardest time making me "scoop" my butt at the lope/canter i kept pinning my butt into the back of the saddle and would stay there motionless even at the trot! So he said very nicely... have you ever had sex?.... nervously i said.... yes.... so he said you know the motion of sex well apply it to loping/ cantering so i did and off i was "scooping" my seat to the motion of the horse! lol


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## QuietHeartHorses (Jul 31, 2012)

"Keep your legs on Riley's barrel like you are trying to keep a beach ball between your legs."

"Sit up straight, shoulders back, like Superman."

"Keep your headlights aimed forward." Apparently it's popular among trainers.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

"The reins should feel like an apple in the hand when you're done, right now they're glass milk jugs" lol..


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## existentialpony (Dec 4, 2012)

On driving with your seat...

"Pretend that I implanted a metal rod that runs from your hip bone to your seat bone on each side, and your saddle has huuuuge magnets on each side that I can dial up or down. Now trot on... I'm turning the magnet up on the left side! Turning it up!"

Thought that one was so darn bizarre yet effective!


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## HorseOfCourse (Jul 20, 2009)

It's not an analogy, but I took a lesson with a guest trainer at my regular lesson place and something she told the students was "Put your crack in the tack" to get us to keep out butts where they should be (western)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

SorrelHorse said:


> LOL
> 
> She tells me my boobs are headlights. That's to keep my upper body lined up for equitation.
> 
> ...


****! That's a good one.


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## busysmurf (Feb 16, 2012)

One of the kids I give lessons to has a hard time keeping her thighs against the saddle. One day, she really had to pee, and was embarrassed to ask if she could go in the house to use the bathroom. I noticed how she was standing, obviously let her know it was OK to go in the house.

Next time she rode, I told her to ride like she had to pee. So every time I say her thighs start drifting away from the saddle I'd start yelling " I HAVE TO PEE!!"

And yes, I have done the potty dance while she's practicing at a show


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## LynnF (Jun 1, 2011)

I had an instructor tell me 'heels down tits up' at lease once a day. Now Im not sure if he was trying to improve my riding or just wanted me to stick my tits out.. guess I will never know.


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## mollymay (Feb 20, 2013)

"kick his sides like you do your husband" one of his faves when I forget to use my legs ha ha
Also he has a couple more that I don't know if they are totally appropriate, but way funny!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bitinsane (Jun 5, 2013)

I've been told to rise at the trot when my boobs hit my face lol


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## Fayewokf (Jul 9, 2013)

bitinsane said:


> I've been told to rise at the trot when my boobs hit my face lol


Ummm I'm dense.... When does your boobs hit your face??


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## bitinsane (Jun 5, 2013)

Fayewokf said:


> Ummm I'm dense.... When does your boobs hit your face??


LOL she was exaggerating


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## countercanter (May 18, 2011)

"You paid to use all the corners in this ring, you better ride down into them."

In regards to keeping your hands/thumbs up - "Pretend like you are holding a bird in each hand...if you don't close your fingers, they will fly away and if you ride with flat hands you are going to smash their heads together."

"Bring the girls to the party and stretch up."


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## remka (Aug 2, 2013)

When I was little and went on my first trail ride, my instructor asked me what my favorite food was, I said lasagna, so she compared the grass to lasagna, so I wouldn't let him eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DressageIsToDance (Jun 10, 2010)

If anyone in our class has our elbows out, our trainer tells us we have chicken wings. And to stop flapping them. LOL


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## xlionesss (Jan 30, 2012)

countercanter said:


> *"You paid to use all the corners in this ring, you better ride down into them."*
> 
> In regards to keeping your hands/thumbs up - "Pretend like you are holding a bird in each hand...if you don't close your fingers, they will fly away and if you ride with flat hands you are going to smash their heads together."
> 
> "Bring the girls to the party and stretch up."




I LOVE that one!


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## Eolith (Sep 30, 2007)

When I was little, I was told to imagine that I was holding two ice cream cones while riding to encourage me not to ride with "piano hands".

I have also been told to imagine that I am balancing a book on my head while riding.

One analogy that I liked was to imagine that two anchors were attached to my heels and they were dragging along behind while I rode. This was meant to encourage me to allow the weight of my leg to sink into my heels without trying to forcibly pin my legs down.

Finally I've been told to imagine that there is a rotten egg in the seat of my saddle and if I land too hard in my saddle while posting, I'll get it all over my riding pants.


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## sheenanaginz (Jun 21, 2013)

When my instructor wanted me to relax at the sitting trot or at the canter, she would yell at me to "be a blob of JELLO". Another one of her favorite quotes (not an analogy though) is "sit where you pee, not where you poo". Yes i know its strange, but thats what you get from horse people


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## Ninamebo (May 25, 2013)

My instructor told me to imagine my legs like a hallway and to guide my horse through the hallway..

I also got "pretend your boobs are headlights, follow their directional turns.."


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## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

"The horse is a Porsche, engine's in the back!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nocturva (Mar 23, 2013)

"Hump the air."
self explainatory


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## Fulford15 (Oct 17, 2012)

One of my lesson girls doesn't keep her elbows in so I tell her "your not a chicken, don't fly away on me!"

"It's like flying an airplane, your the pilot not the passenger!"

"Pretend he's a tube of tube paste and your sqeezing the paste out with your legs"

One that helps one of my lesson girls a lot is, "Pretend there is a hot air balloon attached to your helmet and it's lifting you up!"


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## MyBoyFortune (Aug 1, 2013)

I don't think this is an analogy, but my old instructor used to threaten to duct tape our fingers closed if we didn't keep them closed! (Never actually happened, but it was effective for us eight-year-olds  )


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## sheenanaginz (Jun 21, 2013)

^^ haha! If my shoulders weren't back, my instructor would threaten to tie my ponytail to my horses tail. Never actually happened either


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## ElaineLighten (Jan 1, 2012)

An old instructor of mine used to shout "tits and teeth!" 
cracked me up everytime


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## HollyBubbles (Jun 22, 2009)

I don't have any of my own because I have had very few lessons unfortunately...

But, one instructor that I have been to several times likes to threaten to tie your toes together underneath the horse if you can't keep them pointed straight ahead.. Maybe my toes are fine since she hasn't used this with me yet :lol:


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## Weezilla (Aug 3, 2012)

For sitting trot: "SHOULDERS LIKE A PRINCESS, HIPS LIKE A *****" :mrgreen:

For holding the reins correctly in dressage: "Imagine you are holding 2 little birds and you don't want to crush them or let them escape." This keeps your hands in correct position and with correct hold on reins.


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## Dawn854 (Aug 11, 2013)

This isn't an analogy, but I have a tendency to extend my arms while riding, and to keep them bent, my instructor put a whip between my elbows and back, so my arms couldn't stretch out!


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I got the bit about flying xD

I also got the "string pulling you up from the top of your helmet". I thought that was a good one.


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