# The weirdest things you say when your horse is misbehaving



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

If I am near a horse that threatens to bite or kick me, I say, "Don't you dare! I'll kick you inside out!" Pretty mean, huh.


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## Britt (Apr 15, 2008)

I say "Ki-it it!" and "You dorkwad!" and "Nyaant!"


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## mystykat (Dec 4, 2011)

"I just want to help!!!!" He never understands... lol


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## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

"By god Selena if you paw ONE MORE TIME I will march over there and beat you until the entire PETA population faints from the horror!"

Okay I'm mean. xD I've never actually carried that out though I promise. xD


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## attackships (Jan 12, 2012)

"ffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-"


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

"Don't you dare!!"

"And what was that?!"

"Little muffin jerk!"

"Someone's being an a$$-wipe!"

"Sassy aren't we?!"

"Ha.. and you think that's going to get you a cookie?"

"Grrrrrwwwlllrr"

"Hey... put it DOWN"

"Get outta that!"

All I can think of for now


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## littleredridinghood (Jan 5, 2012)

I tell my dog and my horse the same thing.... I'm going to send you to be a circus animal! Sometimes I'll add in that the circus people will poke them with sticks. Lol


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## Ink (Sep 25, 2009)

I often find myself saying "No ma'am!" to Dublin. I growl incoherently as well if she's doing something really bad :lol:


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## MHFoundation Quarters (Feb 23, 2011)

This could be a really entertaining thread! :lol:

Some that I've caught myself saying

"OH, you think you're bigger than me huh?" 
"Keep it up, I can out stubborn you any day." 
"So that's your plan? I'll be your Huckleberry." 
"Did ya leave your brain in the pasture?" 
"I said WHOA darn it!" well not darn but gotta be polite :wink:
"Who p'd in your wheaties?" 
"No one told me that *bucket, barrel, whatever* grew horns and teeth since yesterday. Get a move on." 

And a student laughed hysterically over the weekend at me, horse wasn't misbehaving but is a bit fluffy with it being winter. When cinching up I have a habit of saying "Suck it in Fatty!"


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## Turndial (Jan 14, 2012)

'If you don't behave you will be pedigree chum!'
'Ah!'
'Kanei!' (greek for 'enough!')
many other expressions in greek along the lines of 'don't you dare!


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## BCtazzie (Jun 7, 2011)

"Listen to ME!"
"well if you want to buck, at least make me hang on"
"if you want to buck, you better have your running shoes on!"


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## ElaineLighten (Jan 1, 2012)

"You bite me and I will bite you back!"
"Stop being such a knob!"
"NO!" (This is the norm though...)

Luckily I find her spooks quite funny though, she'll always spook if a man walks past... so I say kinda loud "Oh nooo, did the big mean scary man frighten you?"


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

bahahahaa this will be a funny thread...thats see
- wow thats all you got
- seriously dude. (and give that look like you are in shock0
- wtf (litterally say the letters and not the words)
- **** you ...you do know i can make you food
- good gracious what did i do to you
- fine...we will be in a standoff... as we stare eachother down
game on!!!
- when any of them are hyper i call out hey fruity pebbles  dont know why though
- you ******
- you have got to be kidding me... and i roll my eyes 
- if they spook i call them chicken and that i will put them in the chicken coop with the little ladies... (they all hate the chickens)

there are so many more lol


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## jwells84 (Mar 29, 2011)

eeeennnnttt.
Now Just Stop it!
Turkey!
pay attention Goofy.( when the horse nearly run into things)


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## Iseul (Mar 8, 2010)

I say quite a lot that I don't feel is appropriate for here..lol. Some of the more appropriate ones are:
"WORDS"-which usually means any cuss word I can think of, especially if the girls who also lease are around. Or at a show..because it's more polite than actually screaming the words I'd like to say 
"Kick one more time and I'll break your 'insert vulgar word here' leg!"-which I would never do, but it makes me feel better.
"Stand!!!"-Only when I'm working or having her stand ground tied while I get something and she seems to be thinking about moving.
"Try it again, bxxxx, and I'll rip you the xxxx apart."-Usually said in a calm, but very aggressive tone.
"I. Said. WHOA!!!"-When she thinks she can fight and continue to go on doing whatever.
But, the norm is actually just "Ah!", which they usually listen to and stop..Most of the other ones are after me using this attempt. Then I get annoyed/agitated. :3
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lins (Nov 8, 2011)

Names I have called my horses: "flubber butt" "gooberface" "slop gobblin' s*** flipper" "DAMITHORSE" "donkey face" "gremlin goblin" "goat humpin' plop licker" "slop slinging turd monkey" and other random crap that apparently floats around in my brain. 
And instead of saying "get up" I tend to growl something along the lines of "git hup!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kayleeloveslaneandlana (Apr 10, 2011)

Hmm lets see.. I think my most famous is "Don't be such a turd sandwich!" Or I just yell their name followed by "you little brat" haha.


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## VanillaBean (Oct 19, 2008)

I also say " don't you dare! Have you forgotten I kick back?!"


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## Jessabel (Mar 19, 2009)

"Norman, spit that out!"

"Uh-oh. We're having a Victor moment."

"You great ox!"

"Come here so I can slap you into next Tuesday."

"You little $%&@!!"

And in the words of my farrier, "He better behave or he'll make a lot of Mexican hamburgers."


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Oh geez. Lets see here...

'Quit being a butthead!'

'SSSSSSSSSSST' (I generally use this garbled non-word when I want an animal to get the heck out of my personal space or move away from something so I can safely approach it. Everyone knows when I hiss at them, they'd better move their butts NOW!'

' Shut up, you're embarressing yourself! ' (to our donkey with a pathetic 'honk)

' quit being a sissy ' 

'HHHHRAH!'

'Bite me and your face turns into a punching bag.'

'don't raise your hoof at me like that young lady!'

'eeeeea-syyyyyy bud.'

'at this rate we'll get there in time for lunch next year.'

'can you walk any slower?'

'like ice! be like ice foo! coooooool.'

'no seriously. I'm always right.'


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## haleylvsshammy (Jun 29, 2010)

I'm most known at my barn for saying:

"really?!"

"we can do this all day, because when it comes down to determination you KNOW that I'm gonna win!"

"knock it off you jerk!"

"ohh no you DON'T!"

"wimp"

"we've passed that 1000 times, want to tell me why it's going to eat you now?"


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## paintluver (Apr 5, 2007)

Lets see here 
"Romeo please dont suck at life"
"Quit being a jerk"
"GAHHHHHHHHH!"
"Stobbit!"


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## usandpets (Jan 1, 2011)

My wife's horse "Knock it off!" all too well. 

My wife also tells her horse that he still can end up at the glue factory. I think he wants to try and get a job there as a taste tester!

When I'm on a horse that is throwing a tantrum, you'll here me say "I don't care" as I keep working them. 

I've used the "If you bite me, I'll kick you to the second Tuesday of the week."

There are others but some are just random, spur of the moment kind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

usandpets said:


> When I'm on a horse that is throwing a tantrum, you'll here me say "I don't care" as I keep working them.



Haha same here! They start being silly and I growl "I JUST...don't.. care.. just do it. Do it and then we can be done with it!" 

They usually understand it right away.


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## Northernstar (Jul 23, 2011)

Sometimes on cold windy mornings, she will try to "alpha mare" me by head-shaking with a little rearing action. I can always tell it's a test....I stand my ground and glare right into her eye (which ever side I'm near) and yell at the top of my voice, "No!!!" (then I point my finger and shake it at her like she's a little kid), "You won't do that to *ME!!!!! That's ENOUGH!!!" *Doesn't sound very impressive, but I'm only 5' tall, and I scold her as if I were 20' tall! She always stops, looks at me warily, puts her head down as if to say, "I'm sorry", then walks over for nuzzles, love, and most of all submission....On _her _part


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Ha ha! My friend called my colt a "rude little f****r" and it stuck. Now if he does something wrong, or sometimes even as a term of endearment, I'll say "you rude little f****r!"

My mare spooks at birds, so now every time she spooks I say "the birdies are going to get you." 

Sometimes I sing it to the tune of Gloria Estefan's "The rhythm is going to get you." 

Sing it as "The birdies are going to get you, the birdies are going to get you, the birdies are going to get YOU, tonight!"


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## capercowgirl (Oct 14, 2011)

I call Ceilidh a "nerd" lol If she is acting stubborn or just being the 5 year old she is. I don't even notice anymore and my friends at the barn laugh every time I say it.


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## cowgirlupintexas (Jan 13, 2012)

I call my little one, "Snot Rocket." When she's being really bad, though, I'll call her "**** Pocket" sort of like "Hot Pocket"(the things you heat and eat out of the microwave. And there are days when she lives up to both names at the same time.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Well, just like I tell my human kids, I routinely tell my hooves children I'm going to sell them to the gypsies. 
I also call the mare a rank bit** quite often, and the gelding a fruit bar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## capercowgirl (Oct 14, 2011)

cakemom said:


> Well, just like I tell my human kids, I routinely tell my hooves children I'm going to sell them to the gypsies.
> I also call the mare a rank bit** quite often, and the gelding a fruit bar.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My parents used to tell me that I was adopted when I was a baby from the gypsies, and they were going to send me back if I didn't behave hahaha:lol:


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Us moms are mean!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## With Grace (Oct 20, 2011)

I just threaten to withhold the cookies....


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

Well i have old ones and new ones...
"HEY!"
"**** it" 
"Common!" 
"HEY! Stop it!" 
"Dont put your ears like that!"


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## Adam (Feb 6, 2012)

I go all yoda on him and say things like 'Alpo on the hoof, you are!!' and whatnot... 'course, he's proly thinking 'you poke me one more time you hairless monkey, and lawndart, you will become!!!'


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## DraftyAiresMum (Jun 1, 2011)

Skyseternalangel said:


> "Don't you dare!!"
> 
> "And what was that?!"
> 
> ...





MHFoundation Quarters said:


> This could be a really entertaining thread! :lol:
> 
> Some that I've caught myself saying
> 
> ...





kait18 said:


> bahahahaa this will be a funny thread...thats see
> - wow thats all you got
> - seriously dude. (and give that look like you are in shock0
> - wtf (litterally say the letters and not the words)
> ...


I think I'm related to you guys somehow 'cuz I say a lot of these too! lol

-I'm famous for saying "Don't be such a d*ck!" or "Stop being a d*ck!" to Aires. First time I said it in front of the BO, he busted out laughing and said "Good girl!" to me. 

-Another favorite is "Don't even think about it, mister!" 

-"Really, dude?!" is a staple and I've even caught some of my friends saying it. ;-)

My grandma's neighbor used to threaten her horses with sending them to the glue factory...which was hilarious because she would never in a million years do such a thing...but the threats worked!


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## sierrams1123 (Jul 8, 2011)

haha whatever flies out of my mouth at the time, it gets me in trouble...a lot.

I had a come to Jesus talk with my mare the other day when I was putting on her brand new supper shinny tack set. I think my words were "now just because you are wearing a lot of bling today does not give you the right to act even more like a diva". Lets just say she did not listen, she was extra prissy....she was not happy about her feet getting just a little damp from the soggy grass...she literally tip toed across! hahaha


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## blush (Feb 10, 2007)

"Robbert.."
"NAYYYYYYTTT"
"Hey. You. With the face. STOP."
"Don't bite me...I'm serious." 

He also likes to paw a lot when he doesn't feel he is getting the attention he deserves, so when he paws I stomp back at him and he usually stops after that haha.


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## sandy2u1 (May 7, 2008)

"Major Atkins!"
"Stop immediately or I will come over there and beat you with wet bread!"
"Really, Major, really?"
"Do you really want to take this session to the arena, cause if you do, I will run you in the dirt."

Major has a habit of making an odd groaning kind of sound. I laugh every time I hear it. Sometimes I can't really tell why he is doing it, but he will always to it when you work him really hard in the arena or when he stumbles on a rock or something. When he does it, I will say (in a sarcastic voice) "I can totally understand why you are exhausted, we have gone nearly 30 feet and that is entirely to far to expect a trail horse to have to travel."


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## ChingazMyBoy (Apr 16, 2009)

'Chinga, I swear to fricken god. If you throw your head up like an idiot one more time while we're jumping. I will tie it to the floor'. 

'GET UP'

'your not five anymore. Grow the fu---- up'


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## mselizabeth (Oct 29, 2011)

In a baby voice "aren't we just a wittle grumpy gills today?"


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## Fargosgirl (Jan 12, 2012)

My horse gets called turkey booger when he's being silly, he has begun to respond like it's his name now.
Nut Job is another nick name
Knock it off dog food - when he's REALLY in trouble.

Once when one of my clients Belgians took a kick at me while I was grooming her I screamed "Do that again and I'll stuff this brush..." thought for a few seconds "somewhere you don't want it!"
Client came out of the barn laughing and said "Is that the best threat you can come up with? Somewhere you don't want it?"


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## PumpkinzMyBaby22 (Jul 5, 2009)

"Bite me again. I dare you" 

"Cut the cr*p"

"Get uuuuup"

"I have all night. Try me" 

"Arrrtt!" 

"You ******"

"Don't be a sh*t" 

Just a few.


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## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

"You little tinker!"
"Kick that door one more time and I'll chop your leg off" - he kicks the door EVERY feed time. 
"Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandit!" ina growl..works wonders. I dont know if its the fact that I rarely call him by his name without "gorgeous" or "beautiful" thrown in firstor just the growl lol. 
"stop being a complete gob****e"
"your a dirty knacker".... 
"stand up or you'll know all about it" this can also be "stand up or I'll make you stand up" - cus that makes sense right? 5'1 of me is going to force 16.2hh of him to stand properly. 

I also use numerous 4 letters words that shall not be repeated here  

I could never threaten him with the slaughterhouse/meat.. he was there before.. I think in the back of my head he'll be deeply offended and never "speak" to me again.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

More common phrases that do not entail too many four letter words:

"You'll be on a plate in France at this rate!"
"Really?"
"I don't care" (when she's trying to spook at something silly)
"Oy!"
"Quit!"
"Knock it off."
"Do you mind?"
"Cool your jets." 
"For f-- 's sake, horse."
"What's your ^&%*& problem?"


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## VanillaBean (Oct 19, 2008)

Haha I love all of these! We horse people can be NASTY!


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## kayleeloveslaneandlana (Apr 10, 2011)

Oh and I forgot one! 

" Relana! Stop trying to be a bunny!"


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## WesternBella (Jan 7, 2012)

If he spooks..
"I guess the obstacles in the corner grew arms, legs and sharp teeth.." 
"Toughen up, diva horse."

If he won't listen..
"You know you're gonna do it anyways so why don't you just make it easy and do it the first time."
"RANSOM!"
"You know I have the power to tell them not to feed you..."

If he paws..
"Ransom (or Diva Horse), if you paw one more time, I SWEAR."

If he threatens to kick or bite..
"If you kick/bite me..that will be the last time you kick/bite ever again.
"Just remember diva horse, I'm the one that owns the treats over there."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SionTheMonster (Mar 6, 2011)

"OLIVER SUDDEN, I swear to god, I WILL END YOU."
"SUCK 'ER IN, LARDARSE." (when girthing...he rarely listens)
"Oh goodness, that corner didn't have anyone in it and now *parent/coach/friend* is sitting there waiting to attack! How horrifying!"
"...Really? You don't spook at massive sheets of ice falling off the roof but when I giggle it's the end of the world? I'm offended."

And waaaay too many more to name...I'll add them as I remember! LOL


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## VanillaBean (Oct 19, 2008)

My friend says "Did you _really_ just do that?"


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## Sinister (Nov 28, 2011)

Usually I just say "Cut it out!" but some how I get this really deep manly voice  But if they're doing something really bad sometimes I'll say "Do it! I dare you! I'm not scared of you!"
Awesome thread!

Oh, and if they're being *extremely* bad under saddle, "I'll go get you're other bridle"


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## Fargosgirl (Jan 12, 2012)

I'm really enjoying this thread. I find it interesting how what we say is different based a lot on where we live. I feel silly saying this, but some of the European posts that have partially written curses with asterisks* , I have no idea what the word is.(not that I mind being ignorant)

I forgot to mention the frustrated phrase I use most often: 
Now see here son..... 
Which is always the start of a long speech my horse doesn't listen to, talking it out to him settles me down so I can handle the situation more effectively.


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## Newby32 (Dec 4, 2011)

I don't swear too much being that I have 5 small children. However, when my horse starts acting up, I sound like a sailor! I don't know what comes over me, but words just start flying out!


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

Man some of you are uber creative! Mine is just profanity!

In the pasture:
"Git over FAT A** Mare!", "MARE!!!"
"Stupid, you dumped it, eat it off the ground."
F****r, you may be bigger but I'm a hell of a lot meaner!" 5'2 trying to worm a 17hand clyde and getting drug across a pasture.

Tied:
"QUIT EATING THE TRAILER!!!! RETARD!" "Riiiiiccckkkkk!" (Like SNL)
"Stan up biggun, if he don't eat you I will..."
"Hussy, I'm gonna beat you till tomorrow." (I never hit!)
"Ohhhh yesssss, I'll rub your teeth, ohhhhh you like that, ohhhh yessssssss you inbred, reject, kill barn wanna be."

Riding:
"We can do this alllllll day, I'd rather be on you than cleaning house."
"Nip my toe again and you'll be eatin with a straw."
"You are so D**n cool, just try that again!"
"Go ahead, make my day, I can ride your A**!!!"


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## pintophile (May 18, 2011)

"Fockin' tallywhacka!"

Animals are also frequently called "simple [email protected]$tards" when they're doing something stupid. Ex. "Quit, you simple [email protected], or you're going to get hurt."

I really don't have any G-rated insults in my vocabulary :lol: I'm sorry about the language.


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## DejaVu (Jul 6, 2011)

"We've only does this a thousand times. Don't even try to act like you don't know."
"Canter like a big boy."
"Good going, slick"
"What a fail."
"Since you're wrongly choosing to run around like a wild banshee, I'll just grab the mare, who's sweetly following me around whilst trying to catch you, and give her the best grooming ever. No love for yooouuuu!"
"You're seriously going to be up for sale in 2.5 seconds if you don't put an end to your behavior, right about now."
"It's just a leaf, you spaz."
"Since when did the reins become edible?!"

I've said every single one of these. 
Bahaha, love my monster. It's never dull with him.


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## Royal Pine Buck (May 28, 2011)

Of course the one I say MOST OFTEN " That was all MY fault, sorry Dilano " ( it it is usually true)

most of these things are because of me not catching what he does in time. but for fun. here is what I say.

sometimes if my horse doesn't want to go past something I say " Face your fears! give me your ***..." It is off of a video I saw with my friends it just stuck. lol
though it doesn't really make sense, 

" I said not to look at the door..."

" ohhhh, you want to pop your shoulder..." *after stopping him from popping his shoulder " You didn't know I could do that, did you? "

"yeah, I didn't think so..."

" half halt, half halt, half halt."

" oh you wanna run? try to do it while I'm sitting deep! can't do it so much now,huh? " 

" pay attention to me . not the other horse" 

*after tripping* " That's because you were rubbernecking" (though most likely my fault hehe)


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## Poco1220 (Apr 6, 2010)

Mine are either "Quit it! / Knock it off!" if he's tied away from me or someone else is riding him. 

If its me I just say "Manners!" or "where are your manners?" and that darn stud of mine acts like he's seen a ghost and turns into an angel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DraftyAiresMum (Jun 1, 2011)

Realized another one I say a lot with Aires, especially now that he seems to think that biting is okay again. 

"QUIT!"


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## Adam (Feb 6, 2012)

Royal Pine Buck said:


> Of course the one I say MOST OFTEN " That was all MY fault, sorry Dilano " ( it it is usually true)....


LOL! That one reminded me of another of my fav's.. "MY BAD! SORRY!!"


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## Lexiie (Nov 14, 2011)

I can't think of anything weird, but my farrier is HILARIOUS.
He told me "instead of banging on her feet, bang on her head!" she's was being a butt while getting her shoes pulled
he also says "behave or i'll stab you in the eye with a pencil!"
he teases the horses all the time.


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## 2BigReds (Oct 7, 2011)

"Bad dog!" lol and sometimes they get "demoted" to cow instead of horse...


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## VanillaBean (Oct 19, 2008)

Ah, so I rode Johnny yesterday, which gave me a chance to brush up on my angry words.

"Wow, Really?!"

"Don't you dare."

"Do you remeber what happened last time you did that?!"

"Yeah, that's what I thought"

"I will mess you up"


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## Royal Pine Buck (May 28, 2011)

Lexiie said:


> I can't think of anything weird, but my farrier is HILARIOUS.
> He told me "instead of banging on her feet, bang on her head!" she's was being a butt while getting her shoes pulled
> he also says "behave or i'll stab you in the eye with a pencil!"
> he teases the horses all the time.


LOL this reminds me of one time Dillon was getting impatient and my farrier turned his baseball cap around so that the bill was facing backwards and said to me " Maybe he will think I'm looking at him! "

LMBO

everytime he finishes doing Dillon he always patted him and said " Peace, Brother!"


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

I threaten to sell them to the lowest bidder when they're being obnoxious, I also threaten my dog & cat with that one.


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## Legend (Nov 15, 2011)

I tell Legend; "Legend, if you don't start behaving you are going straight to the glue factory". He just stares at me... *sigh*


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## Scott7016 (Jan 2, 2012)

A quote from our last ride.
"You'll be a great horse in Mexico, stupid witch" 
"Just give me a reason" is another favorite, and "I've got a backhoe, it won't take long to cover you up.....Stupid b!%$^ always goes in there somewhere on her marish days. lol


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## CowgirlK (Feb 3, 2012)

This is a great idea! I say the most random threats/ weird things!  At a teenager age I have MANY random things floating around in my brain! And I sure do have alot of them!

All Around The barn sayings! :lol:
"Excuse me. Last time I checked, I'm the boss!"
"Penelope! Chew your food and swallow before you talk!"
"What were you raised in a barn?!"
"You wanna try and kick me? Do you _*really want to try that*_!? I can kick too!"
"Don't you bite me! I'll bite back!"
"EXCUSE ME! Is someone IMPATIENT today!"
"Your an idiot."
"What I say, goes. No questions asked."
"I said 1 step forward! Not the next 5 miles!"
"You F***tard!"
"Last time I checked the boogie monster wasn't in your stall! So MOVE IT!"
If they are cross tied and pawing... They get one NASTY growl!
"You wanna face your butt towards mine?! HUH! Think twice before you do that! I'll kick ya harder!"
"I'm taller! So LISTEN!"
"You flipper!"
"You think your hot stuff!? Guess what! I'm hotter!"
"Don't walk ahead of me! I go first!"
"GRRRRRRRRRRR."
"Don't think I won't go put you out in the pasture and not in your stall!"
"EARS FORWARD!"

If I'm riding.... :lol:
"I didn't say eat! Pick your d*mn head up!"
"That's a mailbox! That is not gonna randomly grow legs and come after you and eat you!"
"MOVE IT FATTY!"
"I said CHILL!"
"Excuse me! This saddle is gonna fall off! I'd prefer if you didn't waddle!"
*Deep Dark voice.* "PENELOPE."

Crosstied sayings.....
"No!"
"Don't you take that attitude with me!"
"Stop being lazy! Pick your foot up!"
"Pick your head up! I can't go under your neck cause your so short! HEAD UP!" *She is 11.2 hh and I try to go under her neck when she is crosstied, doesn't work to well! :lol:
"You fudgepop!"
"This is my jacket! You may not crawl inside it!"
"I'm totally NOT shaking hooves with you, I don't know where your feet have been!"
"STOP MOVING! HOLY!"
"Stop following me! Everytime you move I have to move!"
"You dummy."
"That's a cat! CHILL!"
:lol:
I'll add more as I think of them!


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## mygirllola (Dec 6, 2011)

"stop you idiot"
"I'm about to kill you"
"stupid"
"go ahead and break through the cross ties, but I'm not chasing after you if you do" 
And many more lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

Glue factory prospect.


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## Lins (Nov 8, 2011)

Haha I love how all of us will say the nastiest things to our horses but we all know that we love the crap out of our ponehs!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sinister (Nov 28, 2011)

Oh, just remembered one usually say quite often when I'm jumping [especially cross country] LOL "Oh SH*T!"


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## Fear The Tree (Feb 12, 2012)

I've been pretty mean! 
"D*** You, moron" 
"Mud monkeys!" 

and other things


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## nherridge (Oct 30, 2011)

"Your about to have a come to jesus meeting ..."
"NAYHHHT"
Tons and tons and tons of growls ...
"Really?"


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## VT Trail Trotters (Jul 21, 2011)

CowgirlK said:


> This is a great idea! I say the most random threats/ weird things!  At a teenager age I have MANY random things floating around in my brain! And I sure do have alot of them!
> 
> All Around The barn sayings! :lol:
> "Excuse me. Last time I checked, I'm the boss!"
> ...


This is gotta be my favourite!


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## RoosHuman (Dec 27, 2011)

"Watch it, Missy!"
"Aaaaaaaant!"
"HO!"
"Whoa!"
"STAND!"
"NO!"
"Absolutely NOT!"
"Chiiillll out, girlfriend."
"It's nice to see you too, Crabby Cakes!"
"Would you look at that mare face?"

To my yearling mini:
"Put those crabby chompers UP!"
"Teethies away, dude!"
"Scootch the boot."
"Leave those (buckets, boots, brushes... insert any other destructible item) ALONE!


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## Lockwood (Nov 8, 2011)

subbing


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## MyLittleHunter (Jul 20, 2009)

Hahah I love this thread! I have a few interesting ones.

"Someone's lid is unscrewed today."
"Did we find your brain yet?"
"I can fight with you all darn day."
"I'm a bigger jerk than you'll ever be."
"I'm going to light a fire under your butt(polite) in about 2 seconds."
"Dip sh*t!"
"How did that feel?"
"Cut the ugly face or mama's going to show you her ugly face."
"When I say Whoa, I mean whoa NOW."
"That wasn't a question."
"No is not an option, pick again."
"We're going to have a problem today aren't we?"
"Slow your fuzzy butt(polite) down!"
"Don't even think about it buddy."
"I'm serious...."
"Lets not steer like we're drunk, kay?"
"I don't care if you're buddy is being stupid, stupid is NOT contagious."
"Not having fun anymore huh?"
"I really don't give a darn(polite) about your turkey related fears."
"Do that one more time, I dare you."

I'll add more when I think of them. We all talk tough to our horses, but really we treat them like kings and queens. lol.


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## minihorse927 (Aug 11, 2008)

"Mouse, that is MY jacket"!
"Mouse, that is MY shirt"!
"Whinney, get out of Buck's feed pan"!
"Mouse, really I can use the water hose without your help"!
(anyone starting to see the pattern on who my nosy and mouthy boy is?)
"I heard the glue factory is looking for new recruits" (not that I actually would)
"Keep it up, I got all day to play these games"
"Whinney, pawing is NOT going to get me to give you feed any faster"
"Mouse, it's just anigest/hoof medic. Quit making the faces like I am poisoning you".
"I will beat you into next week"!(not that I actually would)
"Fine, stand out in the thunderstorm and don't come crying to me when you get hit by lightning".(the funny thing with this is the one horse I say it to, no more than I make it back into the barn is SCREAMING at the top of her lungs wanting me to come get her)
"Skinny Whinney" who is in no way skinny!

Geez, I could go on for hours for all the things I say, funny or not to those horses.


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## princecharming (Dec 2, 2011)

-you will NOT see tomorrow
-if you fight that horse, it will win
-don't make me brush you
-why won't you do this in the ring
-can't you tell I'm trying to save your legs?
-MY BUBBLE BI***
-are you blind???
-absolutely not, you are going to back up untill we reach last week(no idea why I say this)
-you're just too fat
-told you so(when he doesnt listen to my cue to take off, and it gets awkward)

These are hilarius, I could read them all day
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ellygraceee (May 26, 2010)

I swear a lot when I'm out alone with the horses but I don't say much in lessons or out in public for fear that someone may just threaten to wash my mouth out with soap... My usual sayings are:

- "Oooi, that'll do pig."
- "Ohh so you're gunna misbehave? Bring it (female dog)".
- "Come off it"
- "Come on, buck, I daaaare you"
- "Yeah, you better have bleeping learnt from that."
- "Dooooon't (in a growly voice"
- "Kick me and I'll knock you into next week."
- "Bite me you a-hole and I'll rip you a new one".
- "Ya wanna go? Ya wanna take this outside?" 
- "I've got the glue factory on speed dial, are you sure you want to do that?"
And my most common one:
- "For fudge's sake, stop it! (Insert many swear words and looks of rage)"

I love my horses dearly though 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HarleyD (Feb 12, 2012)

Oh man these are great and I have said most of these. Some of the ones I am famous for are.....

Suck it in Fat Boy
Will just PLEASE stand still
Listen to MEEEEEEEE
I have friends in China that would really like you on thier table
You know the killer market is opening back up....
Dont make me come over there and get you...
Seriously???
Really Dude?? Really???
With the market opening you are getting more valuable...

When the Mules are acting up...
Dude I have KIDS... you dont stand a chance

When the horses are acting up...
Dude I have MULES and KIDS you dont stand a chance

I also stomp back at them and snort back at them too.


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

'Put that down'
'your a dork!'
'bite me!'
' you bite me and ill bite you back!'
'steady on'
'your so weird'
while tacking up 'suck it in muss'
'your a fruitloop.'
'oi!'
'get up!' (if he paws at his feed bucket i yell get up? or if he does somethin naughty i yell get up)'
'serious? are you serious?' (usually this quote stands for when he does something the i thought hed be smarter not to go.)


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## shiningjewel (Aug 1, 2010)

haha I'm guilty for some of these.. plus trying to tell my mare to go lay a fried egg!


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## Sunny (Mar 26, 2010)

The only things I really say are,

"Aaank!! No!"

and

"Don't make me pop you!"

I don't think she understands the long sentences anyway. :lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rascaholic (Oct 4, 2010)

When Rascal misbehaves he goes from "My Darling" to "QUIT Buttface!"
I have threatened to beat him till the sky falls on a couple occasions LOL


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## SullysRider (Feb 11, 2012)

My horse holds his air when I'm girthing/cinching him up so-
"If you don't stop you're gonna be stuck this fat"

And in the arena-
"S**t...ake mushrooms"
"Fud Nuggets"
Call him a "Turd Nugget Penguin"
And since he likes to go fast" Slow down rocket booster butt"


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## 2BigReds (Oct 7, 2011)

"Suck it in, Fatty McFatterson!"


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

I usually just say Oh S$it........then followed by "I'm OK".


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## lilbit11011 (Apr 15, 2010)

Usually it comes down to these choices with my gelding when he acts up....

1) "You are acting like a spoiled little filly"
2) "I am gonna beat you silly you little brat"
3) "Snickerdoodles!!!!!!"
4) "Aaaahhh...love you too butt head"


There are more, but these are my non-cussing ones.


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## jwells84 (Mar 29, 2011)

lol Thought of a few more. 
everyonce in a while my mare will have a bad day. and i tell her:
What's your dill Pickle!. lol i never do get a good awnser,


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## jwells84 (Mar 29, 2011)

you going to act like a 2yr old then i'll treat you like one.

that'll do donkey,,that'll do


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## MangoRoX87 (Oct 19, 2009)

"You mother ******* ***** ******..."
"Your 21 not 2!"
"Your 3 not 21!"
"Just do what I dang ol tell you mkay?"
"Imma get off you and bite you if you don't quit you dumb little snot-nossed brat"
"Yeah I'm like still here so if you stop this whole awkward thing, it would be much appreciated."
"SH**!!!!!"
"Oh bite me"
"It's a freaking dog, not a play toy"
"We can do it my way, or we can do it my way. Your way is stupid and inconvenient for both of us"
"You dumb little cuss"
"Sweet baby Jesus!"
"What crawled up your butt and died?!"
"You need to eat some chocolate, take some Midol and get over yourself."
"You've seen that horse 100 times. Chances are, they haven't changed and do not need your full body inspection."

95% of these are directed at Sassy XD


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

VanillaBean said:


> Random thread idea, I know. But hey, why not?! Add some other things you say, too. Not just when they are bad.
> 
> When they are being very bad I say "I will beat you with a monkey!":lol: I don't know why...it just comes to me!


 my friends and I always say "I will beat you with a CAT" not about horses though. Most of the time Lucy misbehaving is yanking the rrigns and all I sayis "Um no those are MY reigns you can have them later"


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## walkinthewalk (Jul 23, 2008)

I either say "I am just gonna knock you out if you don't straighten up" orr if one if them really does something ignorant:

"you've managed to get on my very last nerve and you're about to Go Down The Road".

My horses have been with me 21+ yrs; 19 yrs; 16-1/2 yrs; 6 yrs.

The chances of me making good on either of those threats is slim and none:lol:


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## Pyrros (Feb 10, 2012)

Usually "**** ****** ******* ******** ****** ******** ***" (lots and lots of stars.)

Or, my personal favorite.

"MARE I SWEAR I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR STUPID LITTLE MARE-FACE OFF AND /FEED IT TO YOU./ YOU LITTLE YELLOW LARDBUCKET."

She then promptly continues whatever bad thing she was doing. :C My words do not scare her, whaddabeast /sob


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

I call my horse a puffer fish often. When he's bloating when I go to girth him, when he's all huffy. I say "Oh quit being such a big ol puffer fish!" and I swear he looks at me like "Uhh excuse me?!"



DejaVu said:


> "Since when did the reins become edible?!"


Awww haha. My horse goes for my gloves. The other day I had a horse down 1/4 of my scarf!!!!!! I had to tickle his gums to get it out. He was a big ol Percheron too.. HUGE head.


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## mftowner06 (Nov 2, 2009)

I know it sucks, now move it
knock it off
aaaahhhhhh 
It's not going to eat you, I promise
It's scary I know....

I am going to have to pay attention to what I say but I love reading the other posters response, it's hilarous!!!


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## mudpie (Jul 15, 2011)

Well, once Mudpie let out this huuuuge buck and tried to get all strung out and we were supposed to do a rollback to a fence which was proving to be _reeeeeeeaaaally_ difficult so I was frustrated and I yelled, "Jesus Christ, Woman!" and I'm not quite sure why... xD


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## Remy410 (Nov 7, 2011)

ellygraceee said:


> I swear a lot when I'm out alone with the horses but I don't say much in lessons or out in public for fear that someone may just threaten to wash my mouth out with soap... My usual sayings are:
> 
> - "Oooi, that'll do pig."
> - "Ohh so you're gunna misbehave? Bring it (female dog)".
> ...



I say "that'll do pig", too!!

I generally give a loud, ******* "huh uh" (I can't spell it!) 
Or a big "No, sir"!! 
"I hope you speak French!"
"You're turd colored for a good reason you little Sh**".

But they also get a lot of I love you's......


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## eliduc (Apr 5, 2010)

I am known as the original horse whisperer. When my horseshoeing clients horse was misbehaving I would whisper in the horse's ear, "Alpo, Dr. Ross, Eukanuba." After having my foot stomped on I might revert to cowboy profanity. "Oh, Gol durnit! This common, sumofabuck, barn sour, beady eyed, jugheaded exacuse of a nag just broke my gol danged foot....but more often than not the real thing.


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## Casey02 (Sep 20, 2011)

My first is "QUIT!" 

"Knock it off" 

or sometimes when he is being a booger i say " i could get a lot for you at slaughter, you no!" 

I WOULD NEVER DO THAT THOUGH!!!! (just saying before i get my *** chewed lol)


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## SullysRider (Feb 11, 2012)

Remy410 said:


> I say "that'll do pig", too!!
> 
> I generally give a loud, ******* "huh uh" (I can't spell it!)
> Or a big "No, sir"!!
> ...


Love that one! It fits my horse-mind if I borrow it?


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## train2win (Feb 20, 2012)

"quit it"!


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## SueNH (Nov 7, 2011)

Your mother was a camel!
Your mother was a duck!
Quit giraffe lips!

Insert all sorts of creatures not noted for moving with grace.


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

'I eat bigger things for breakfast!'

'FRAULINE' - in a proper menacing tone ahaha

'I swear you will make pedigree chum'

'Bite me and I'll bite you back- promise'

Ee. I swear they know what we say!


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## hoopla (Jan 29, 2012)

I make with pointy fingers and say "bang, bang, dogfood"


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## Fahntasia (Dec 19, 2011)

Things I tell my mare....:

HALT!

WENCH. SUCK. IT. IN! (when im girthing her up)

I hiss at her like a snake when she's being sassy and/or in my space

When she gets in my stuff looking for her treats I yell at her: OI PIGGY ya dont need those extra 5 pounds!

MY STUFF GET.YOUR.HEAD OUTTA THEEEEERRRREE! she then calmly looks at me and drops whatever she has in her mouth lol.

When I go to clean out her feet, I trained her to lift at a touch, she sometimes decides im her leaning post I put her hoof down and I tell her: "Well well well, since you are so very tired m'dear, lets wrap you in a duvet and snuggle you down in piles of straw you poor wee thing! (sarcastic) LIFT UP YOUR EFFING #$%^ FOOOOOT NAO!!!!

When she sees the horse eating mounting block that shes passed by oh about a billion times and decides its going to eat her NAO! I tell her: Duuuude really!? SERIOUSLY!?

When she's being a total cow I yell random stuff at her to put the fear of jesus in her, OMFG YOU EFFING FERRET BRAIN. is one of the tamer ones....

For a mare she's actually pretty darn good and I love her to bits, she has her PMS moments (****y mare syndrome) but gets over them quickly =)


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## flytobecat (Mar 28, 2010)

Things I say-
"Really, I mean really!"
"Aaaaaat"
"Oh you want to work, we'll work!"
"Ears"
"I swear if I die because of a butterfly, your going down!"
"Oh, someone's a crabby patty today."
"That's not a toy"
"Lazy butt"


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## PaintCowgirl (Jan 2, 2012)

I tell my draft i'm going to feed her to my 3lb Yorkie.


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

"I'm going to beat you! With a stick..."
"Horse! I'm going to HURT you!"
"STAND STILL DAMMIT!"
"Sillllllllvvvveeeerrrr"
"My Love... STOP IT!" 
"Bite me... I dare you..."
"Stop being such a MARE!"

I get verrry shocked looks at shows lol. But I love them, I swear I do :lol:


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## LovesMyDunnBoy (Aug 11, 2011)

What I say to my colt when he is being a pain, 
"If you don't stand still RIGHT NOW, I'm going to cut your balls off myself!!" (hes not gelded yet lol) 
If I threaten to turn him into a mare.
And he probably thinks his name is "little *******" 
For my mare, "if you try to bite my foot one more time you little/fat hussy/tramp/hefer/cow im gonna kick your teeth down your throat!" 

And they get called dumb a$$ and get threats to end up in stormy's "my dog" feed dish lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nine (May 25, 2008)

With a horse I used to own (and grew to intensley dislike!):
you'll makea great coat for me.

How many dogs can I feed with your dumb a$$?

You can end up in my freezer, ya know. I'm not too proud to eat horse.

And for my Teddy:
Move your Chubby Butt before I get off and boot you!

Dont' even THINK about it!

Oh boo-hoo, you can't see Kumar. Waa, waa. My heart is bleeding. (very sarcastic)


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## JSMidnight (Mar 15, 2012)

"Bite me I dare you."
"I will bite you back."
"Stop being a turd."
"Bad Kitty."


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## OkieGal (Dec 14, 2011)

"I know a horse trader who'd take you in a heartbeat."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soenjer55 (Dec 4, 2011)

I tend to give more (really long) pep-talks....

My horses know I'm pretty much all talk... Anyway, weird isn't really a good description, but these are the most used of the never-ending threats I have stocked up:
"I will give you to an old cowboy and he will bite your ear off!" 
"Dammit Charlie!"- this one is only wierd because I've never met a horse named Charlie in my life, much less owned one... It's just a habit?...
"Horse slaughter is legal, dammit!"
"My best friend is French, so keep it up!"
And the most dreaded, though not weird, "No carrots!"
There's a bit more colorful language going on, usually, but that's not really weird... For some reason horse people seem to have potty mouths more often than not, lol.


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## RiddlesDarkAngel5 (Jun 2, 2009)

My usuals are "dont you dare, sir!", snot-butt, or ill threaten to beat them with something. Of course, as with previous posters i am all bark, no bite and im pretty sure the horses know that...


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## happy123 (Jan 4, 2012)

Ill pop you! And "ill pop you in the butt"!
(I lease a pretty lazy old mare so I say this a lot)
"Oh I see how its gonna be today"

xD


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## StarfireSparrow (Jan 19, 2009)

My two favorites are "you CAN be French food!" and (for my sorrels) "I'll beat you like the red headed step-child you are!"

I nicknamed my cutting bred filly Eukenuba, she was well bred dog food. 

And on his very rare bad days, my cute little gelding Sonny was Croissant.


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## WesternRider (Jan 12, 2012)

lol today i was bathing bert and he was noot standing still here is what i say to him:
'STAND DAMNIT!!!"
"Bert if you dont stop being a retard im going to beat yer a$$ so hard you will wish you where never born!!!' 
'BERT QUIT NOW"
"Stop being such a mare" (berts a gelding LOL)

If im walking him and he tries to do his weird little prancing thing i say;
"Bert you are not a race horse now quit"
"bert there is nothing around you idiot"

and i say loootsss of cursess my fav is "bert stop being such a f***ing IDIOT or im gunna get the butcher next door have you"


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## BlondieHorseChic (May 6, 2011)

"is someone being a grumpiliy- umpus (not really sure how to spell the word) today?"
"is the mean old round bale gonna eat you?"
"if you take this jump nice and pretty you can be done for the day"
"is the killer baby bunny going to eat you?" (you can also substitute kitten, deer lawn ornament, tire track, parking lines, puddle, paint splatter, gate, and squirrel)
"sorry to break it to you, but not all the mares think your hot, so stop showing off"
"aeh, cut it out!!!"

That's all I can think of so far.


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## StarfireSparrow (Jan 19, 2009)

BlondieHorseChic said:


> "if you take this jump nice and pretty you can be done for the day"



I used to get picked on so bad for "bargaining" with my horses! "Sonny, if you will just do two strides truly round for me, we'll walk out, ok?" :lol:


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## DingDong (Feb 20, 2012)

When I get frustrated with the lesson horse, I yell, "You cat!" I think because it reminds me of our cats who do what they like and just look calm while being yelled at for ripping the sofa open...which is so frustrating!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WesternBella (Jan 7, 2012)

In our barn:
Geldings...
"You mule!"
"Jerk!"
*smack*
"{insert horses name here}!!!!?!<~€!£€!!!$&?"

Mares:
"You cow!"
"Wench!!!"
"**** mares..."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## neonpony (Dec 9, 2010)

"Quit being such an f'ing llama!" (when he has his neck straight up)
"Cass the ***" (his name on bad days)
"Retarded Buttface" (because I have a first grader's vocabulary)
"Greedy *******" (when he tries to steal or grab food before I give it to him)
"How many times have I told you that _insert whatever non edible item he's eating_ is NOT food?!"


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## HollyBubbles (Jun 22, 2009)

"Your a disgust to the equine race"
"You're kidding me right?"
"Remember last time?"
"Look MUTT"
"Make my day"
"Put your leg, DOWN!"
"STAND UP!"
"Stand right there, I'm going to get my whip."
"See that truck? It dosn't go to happyland."
"My dad has sporting rifles, remember that"
"You do that one more time and you'll wish you were never born"
"I'm your worst enemy"
"I feed you"
"Guess who doesn't get grass tonight horse"
"You know **** well what I'm asking"
"That is a CAT, the same one you have seen every day for the past year."
"Calm the Farm"

Most of them include a few * worthy words, I just cut those out :lol:


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