# A Mother's Journey Back to the Saddle



## kellison (Nov 20, 2015)

I’m not really sure why I decided to pick up my phone and message my old trainer, Sam, a couple of days before the New Year. I believe it may have something to do with the anniversary of my best friend’s death the day before, but it could have also been the stress of the holidays. Whatever the reason, I knew I was in a funk, and I knew the cure. 

I left my house early New Year’s Eve before my daughter woke up, and I hoped that my husband would be able to handle her all day without calling for me to come home early. I reached my destination and tried not to run excitedly to the arena. Yes, horses are my cure. I like to call my time out at the farm my “mental health days.” All moms should have their own version. Some like a girls’ night out, some like a relaxing spa day, but me? Horse manure, dirt, and sunshine, please! Something about the smell of horses can act like a shot of espresso. One minute, I’m struggling to keep myself together, and the next, I’m cool and confident. 

I came out to the farm just to touch horses, catch some sun rays, and watch Sam ride. Lucky for me, she must have sensed how bad of a week I was having, and offered to let me ride one of the lesson horses, Avery. Funny thing is, someone mentioned that I should ride Loki, but I’m pretty sure Sam read the look of horror on my face and insisted upon Avery. Loki isn’t a bad guy (unless we’re talking comics), but he probably needs a rider that has, at least, had her butt in the saddle in the last year. 

After some setbacks, (a lost horseshoe, some difficulty getting the stirrup leather back onto the saddle) I was finally at the mounting block. I wasn’t prepared for how GREAT I felt sitting in a saddle again. I felt like a little girl taking her first lesson. Starting off at a walk, I attempted to find my seat and straighten my posture. I suppose I should mention that I was just starting to get the hang of a dressage seat when I had quit riding after I spent years as a Hunter/Jumper rider. I had the tendency to lean forward, close my hips, open my hands, and stiffen everything. For dressage, I was supposed to close my hands (well, you’re probably supposed to do that with every discipline), open my hips, sit on my back pockets, and sit straighter.

I fully expected to be a floppy mess. Sam, God Bless her, shouted, “Well your leg looks really good!” HA! That is probably the ONLY thing going on right with my ride besides Avery being an angel. My hands were flat and open, my hips began to close which forced my knees to pinch and my back to arch, and my once perfect shoulders were hunched. The former equitation rider in me was horrified, but the new mother was forgiving. This body had been through quite a lot, and it was going to take time to get back to the old rider I was. I took a deep breath and focused on Avery.

I practiced some leg yields at the walk, did some serpentines at a forward trot, and a couple of wobbly figure-eights. It was around this time when Sam mentioned that Avery hadn’t been worked much lately. I slowed to a walk as she told me how he was used for mostly lunge-line lessons for younger riders. Basically, he was a babysitter that trotted in countless circles. Ah, the poetry of it! Here I am, a mom looking for a break in my normal routine, riding a gelding that shares a routine that is much less than what he is capable of. Please don’t misread, being a mom is hard, but it is also extremely rewarding; lesson horses are a very valuable part to a barn program, and Avery is the best lesson horse on the property. This valuable asset deserves an entire post all on its own, but I digress. 

I picked up a working trot and watched Avery. He was hollow, nose above the vertical, and absolutely no bend around my legs. I began (roughly) a 20 m circle, and started to work my hands to create a more rounded frame. Avery and I struggled to get it on his right (good) lead, and then we changed direction to work on his hard lead. After a few pointers from Sam, and much, much more time, I felt Avery’s back lift, his head drop, and I could feel his mouth chewing the bit. I was elated! I might not be able to keep my house clean all day, every day, I might not be able to successfully cook a new recipe for dinner, and I may not get to work out as often as I should, but I could achieve a small goal for myself and for Avery. That, I could smile about.

I gave Avery a pat on the neck and walked him on a loose rein. Sam began to talk about how Avery would probably benefit from some regular work, and then she offered to let me come out once or twice a week to exercise him. I could have cried. It’s amazing how something so small, could evoke so many emotions for myself. It’s not going to put money in our savings account or anything, but I’m one step closer to finding myself. Thank you, Sam, for being such a great trainer, teacher, and person!


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## HombresArablegacy (Oct 12, 2013)

I really enjoyed reading this. You are very expressive and articulate in telling a story. Have you ever given thought to being a writer? You should, IMO. It's something you could do at home and hopefully make money too, until your daughter is older.

Hold onto your dream of working with horses, and don't let it go for anything. You deserve it, is your passion and your sanity. You go, girl!,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kellison (Nov 20, 2015)

HombresArablegacy said:


> I really enjoyed reading this. You are very expressive and articulate in telling a story. Have you ever given thought to being a writer? You should, IMO. It's something you could do at home and hopefully make money too, until your daughter is older.
> 
> Hold onto your dream of working with horses, and don't let it go for anything. You deserve it, is your passion and your sanity. You go, girl!,
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would love to be a writer! I've been bouncing a few ideas around in my head, but no concrete topics or storylines have popped out quite yet. I am lucky that my husband is so supportive because he is working very hard to find ways for us to achieve my goals. I'll get there eventually! :wink:

Thank you for your kind words!


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## MrsKD14 (Dec 11, 2015)

I love it! Please, keep us posted on how it's going with Avery! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## NeedMoreCoffee (May 27, 2015)

Can't wait to read more! I'm also a mother of a young child getting back into riding and horses and trying to find the balance between family life and me time!


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## kellison (Nov 20, 2015)

Sunday, I went back out to the barn to ride. The wind was really howling with a nice icy bite to it, and the horses were feeling good! As I pulled up the horses were galloping and bucking wildly. The mom in me was wondering if today was a good day to put my butt in a saddle, but the old equestrian slapped down her fears immediately. Thank goodness! There wasn’t anyone out at the barn, and Sam was completely the “odds and ends” chores, so I was on my own for the day. 

I hopped on Avery and began to warm up. I took my time at the walk. Avery felt a little stiff, which was probably due to a combination of the cold weather and the old injury he sustained several years ago. He had broken his left hind leg and had a very intensive surgery to repair it. We practiced some more leg yields to loosen him up and, of course, serpentines. Serpentines are my second favorite exercise (circles being my favorite). I love getting the horse off the rail and making him bend with no support of a fence to rely on. It really gets a horse to think about listening to your aids, rather than to anticipate where he is going. 

After spending a good ten minutes stretching at the walk, we move up to a working trot. I can really feel the stiffness now, but Avery is a notorious faker, so I keep pushing him up into my hands. I notice that it took less time to get him into a nice, round frame than it did last time, so I really worked on his rhythm. I didn’t mind him having a less than perfect working trot, as long as it was consistent. To do this, I sat the trot to make sure I wasn’t changing my posting speed and influencing his rhythm. I’ll admit, I was very worried that I would look like a hot mess. Avery has an incredibly large, Thoroughbred trot, and I had always had a hard time keeping still in the saddle. I was amazed that I didn’t have any issue, in fact, my sitting trot was the best it had ever been! I spoke to my trainer about it later, and she suggested that perhaps the pregnancy had stretched and softened my core muscles so that I wasn’t so stiff. I tried not to think about how that sounded like “You have rolls, now” and took it as a positive effect of the pregnancy!

After finally achieving a comfortable rhythm, I moved Avery into a canter. Ah… I love his canter. It is a wonderful, rocking canter that eats up the ground in large strides. I don’t canter long, but I find that it really helps loosen horses up after a lot of trot work. I canter half of the arena in both directions and call it a day. Avery and I enjoy a long walk around the farm before I stretch him back out and put him back in the pasture. I was just finished with putting all of the tack away when Sam comes back outside to offer another horse for me to ride.

What?! I get to ride twice?! 

Maybe others don’t get as excited by this prospect because they get to ride every day or this is a normal opportunity for them, but I haven’t ridden twice in one day since I was a teenager. I know, it’s a sad thought. So who is this wonderful horse that I have the pleasure of riding? Loki.

I want to start by saying, Loki is a great lesson horse. And by that, I mean that he is amazing at pointing out exactly what you are doing wrong. Oh, you don’t have a strong outside leg? Here, let me run you into the fence! What’s that? Your legs are saying you want to go faster, and even though I know your legs are a little weak and that you don’t mean it, I’ll steamroll through your hands. Sounds like Prince Charming, right?

Sam came outside to watch for a few minutes to (and I quote) “make sure he isn’t going to be an a**hole today.” The first thing he does is run my leg into a fence post. Ouch! Correction made. Then he proceeds to stick his nose up in the air. Understood, I’ll shorten my reins and widen my hands. After that, I notice that his hind end is all over the place. I question Sam about this before she leaves us to finish some household chores, and she reassures me that it is nothing I am doing. This is Loki’s new signature. He cannot move his hind-end on the same track as his front, and none of his riders are advanced enough to correct this. 

I make sure my reins, legs, and seat are even and I get to work. We ride off of the track and I work exceptionally hard to keep my contact steady. We work on some halt transitions, working trot, circles, leg yields, and diagonal work (with a few unintentional travers worked in) all while working on driving his hind end up to my hands. I could’ve worked with him for hours if my goal of the day was to get him straight. This will have to be our long term goal because this issue is so severe, there is no possible way of fixing it quickly. So our goal for this ride is to simply get him to listen to me. At the beginning of the ride, he was unfocused and happy to go along like it was his field we were in. Nope, not today. Today we are in MY field, and he was going to listen to me. 

So we really worked. If he tried to slow down before I told him to, we would circle at a working trot. If he tried to plow through my hands, we would canter until he was tired. Every time he tried to make his work easier, I made it harder. I waited until I was able to get a complete lap around the arena with his inside ear pointed back towards me. That cue was simple enough for that day.

I feel that I learned something from both rides. Avery taught me that past experiences shape us and make us adjust. His old injury caused us to take a cold day slow with a long warm-up time. My “softened core” allowed me to adjust better to Avery’s needs and helped shape me as a rider. Loki taught me that I cannot conquer everything all at once. I have to step back and look at the big picture. What can I do today that will help me achieve my long-term goals? This is what I love about horseback riding. With every hour spent in the saddle, we can always take away something. 

It is a few days later, and I can still feel the effects of my two-ride day. This momma has to get in better shape and put down the ice cream.


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## kellison (Nov 20, 2015)

Well, I tried to upload a picture of Avery for everyone, but no luck


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

This journal has been closed due to prolonged lack of participation by the author. Journals that have no active participation by the author for a period of time greater than 18 months will be considered abandoned and will be closed until the author asks for them to be reopened


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

This journal has been closed due to prolonged lack of participation by the author. Journals that have no active participation by the author for a period of time greater than 18 months will be considered abandoned and will be closed until the author asks for them to be reopened


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