# The Mare & I - Recent Lesson



## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

This is a video we took recently, about two weeks ago. 

http://youtu.be/bP-67jzpDow

This is my first lesson in months... I definitely need to get on a regular lesson program when I switch barns in October. I need a lot of work. My hands are all over the place as you can see! Still have a slight chair seat but it has improved. Think Dressage will help both me and my mare. Also planning on finding a trainer to make our rides more enjoyable.

Because of my hands, I think my girl might appreciate an eggbutt French Link for more stability instead of the loose ring.

The video doesn't capture the first few minutes of my lesson when my horse was spooking at the jumps and complaining everytime we passed the gate. A few times she would refuse to move on. Had to use a crop. I would prefer not to become dependent on it. I'm hoping her complaing will lessen once we get into a routine of working more. 

Anywho, would love some constructive criticism. Will take all the help I can get. 

(Posting this on my phone... Hope it works!)


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## AmateurOwner (Jun 17, 2013)

Well I'm in no position to critique anyone's riding, but you have a beautiful mare


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

AmateurOwner said:


> Well I'm in no position to critique anyone's riding, but you have a beautiful mare


Thank you! She's my doll.

Also please excuse the cameraman, AKA my mother who likes zooming in my face... :lol:


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## Wallaby (Jul 13, 2008)

First, I love you two as a team!! You look so great together. 

My main thought [because I SO do this too] is that she's tense and you're feeding off it, then she's feeding off your tenseness, etc. I can see it particularly in your arms and legs - instead of relaxing into the motion, you're kind of keeping yourself outside the motion. The whole ride I was yelling in my head "BREATHE!!!" :rofl: 

I know it can be so hard to "settle in" on this type of horse, but you just have to. I think you'll find that the second you start saying "actually, no, this isn't a big deal. Look, I can breathe still. Psh, Horse, you're afraid of _what_?? Come onnnn" will be the second that mare starts figuring "it" out. 
It can kind of be like one person in an argument refusing to argue and agreeing to disagree - you can't really keep arguing if no one is arguing back..you can try, but it's not going to work really great. Only, in this scenario, you are the one refusing to "argue."

I know I do this, maybe it's true for you - I get stuck in what the horse is doing and I forget that my horse's biggest issue is often me. I don't mean to stop breathing when I get nervous, or tighten up my entire body...it just kind of happens as a by-product of being nervous. 
But my horse picks up on those changes immediately and it doesn't matter why I'm doing it, he just knows that his base of confidence [me] is looooosing it. And if his confidence is worried, it stands to reason that he better get worried and fast.

For myself, I had to teach myself how to physically "fake it til' I make it" - how to be really so nervous about whatever is happening, but staying relaxed. For me, it's a matter of continuing to breathe and going all loosey-goosey in my body. I pretend, honestly, like my muscles are pudding. My bones still exist, but I think about pudding sloshing through my body. 
Another idea, that's helped lesson kids of mine in the past, is to imagine themselves as centaurs - they ARE the horse and the horse is them. Usually it's the fear of falling that makes them tense [I know it's what makes me tense!!] so being a centaur helps remove that fear...plus make-believe, who can say no to make-believe!


Of course, I'm no great rider and I still struggle with being anxious and it stillll effects my horse...but I like to think that I'm better than I used to be. :lol:


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

Wallaby said:


> First, I love you two as a team!! You look so great together.
> 
> My main thought [because I SO do this too] is that she's tense and you're feeding off it, then she's feeding off your tenseness, etc. I can see it particularly in your arms and legs - instead of relaxing into the motion, you're kind of keeping yourself outside the motion. The whole ride I was yelling in my head "BREATHE!!!" :rofl:
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness. I had to laugh because there are moments when I actually stop breathing. :shock: I get anxious and my first response is to quit breathing! Then I realize I should probably take a breath before I pass out! It also happens when I'm driving or in deep thought. There are times I have to remind myself to breathe.

I absolutely agree that I am far too tense and it's not helping my horse. I feel the need to tense my legs because I think they're moving too much, and I tend to put them out in front of me as some sort of braking system. My core is probably far too tense too; for a split second while I was riding in the round pen yesterday, I took a deep breath, had slack in my reins, relaxed a bit at the trot and my horse slowed down and dropped her head. Then in fear of her speeding up again I became tense and she sped up. She seems very sensitive to what's going on with me. 

Similarly, I used to be able to "stop riding" and my horse would simply come to a halt without me even having to use any rein at all. I've not tried it lately. I think that may be related to what I need to do. Just chill and go with it. This horse can be reactive to "monsters and other scary stuff", but nothing overly dramatic. It's not to the point I cannot trust her.

I find it difficult for me to relax, but I think you're very right when you say I just have to settle in. Need to work on that.

I appreciate your reply! And I'm one of those geeks who likes to match their horse's tack whenever possible. :lol: An old riding instructor said we go well together. When I get my act together we can become better teammates undersaddle!


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## Wallaby (Jul 13, 2008)

Houston said:


> My core is probably far too tense too; for a split second while I was riding in the round pen yesterday, I took a deep breath, had slack in my reins, relaxed a bit at the trot and my horse slowed down and dropped her head. Then in fear of her speeding up again I became tense and she sped up. She seems very sensitive to what's going on with me.
> 
> Similarly, I used to be able to "stop riding" and my horse would simply come to a halt without me even having to use any rein at all. I've not tried it lately. I think that may be related to what I need to do. Just chill and go with it.


I LOVE that!! That's so good!!

That's something that I found to be, in particularly, helpful when I'm nervous about this type of horse [the kind that is so, almost too, in tune with its rider]. I hop on for a ride without any real expectations [in a contained space, of course], and I see how little I can do to get the horse to do what I want. I keep it at a walk [that's the gait I feel the most relaxed at and this exercise is all about being relaxed] and I chose little things that I know my horse can accomplish to begin with - turning around a barrel without using more than a pinkies-worth of rein pressure, stopping when I, like you said, "stop riding", etc. 
It's not really about perfecting your riding or the horse's abilities, it's about showing yourself how absolutely little you can do to manipulate your horse into doing what you ask. I often get caught up in "that last ride where I felt out of control" or "that time he/she didn't stop on a dime" and I forget that those were both times *I* was too rough/abrupt with my request and my horse couldn't handle the roughness. 
So I like to go back and remind myself that some people train for years to achieve half the sensitivity my horse has - that I'm really riding a very intelligent, in tune, equine and I need to remember how to communicate with him/her in his/her language or sensitivity. 

And really, I always feel better after those sorts of rides. I mean, I don't take dumb risks - there's always reins+bridle involved, a helmet for me, etc...I don't go out there thinking we're just going to telepathically communicate. :lol:
But I do focus on how light I can be to get the response I want.


For instance, I used to be pretty darn nervous riding my new gelding. He's a lot bigger than I'm used to [my mare was 14.1h on a tall day, he's at least 15.2h], a lot narrower [my mare was one of those chunky Polish-bred Arabs that had no withers and the widest flattest back you could imagine], and a lot greener than I've ridden in years. I'd get on and he'd wobble all over kingdom-come, couldn't walk a straight line to save his life.

Then I decided to to have one of those^ rides with him. I held the reins loosely, and asked him for simple stuff.
It turns out that all that wobbling was literally him responding to each turn of my HEAD. He will turn to follow my eye-line without any other prompting, and he'll follow it until I look somewhere else. It's the most ridiculous thing. 
Of course, now I feel pretty silly for being so nervous about that wobbling...but it was a reasonable worry at the time - I had no idea why he always wobbled around. And now I just know it was unfounded worry! :lol: And knowing that makes me feel better.

I also think these kinds of rides build our horse's confidence in us, despite the times we might get nervous. My theory is that they see us trying to speak their language [probably laugh a lot because we're so bad at it :lol:] and they, on some level, appreciate it. 


And now I'll stop before I give you an a million word essay on horses in our lives... :lol::lol:


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I remember thatyou used to ride a big Fresian, right? your instructor's school horse. this arab is a totally different ride. one in which your position is going to be much more influential. 

on a big horse, you can get away with a lot more of being poorly positioned, while on a small horse, every half inch of being off alignement is felt.

you are sitting too much on your "fork". I think this is in part becuase the saddle appears to be too far forward. it looks like some kind of endurance saddle. my experience with those is that posting in them is hard. the seem mostly designed for the rider to just stand in the stirrup. but, I digress . . 

you are positioned too far forward, on your fork, and as you said, using your feet as some kind of braking system. so, you are riding your horse's shoulders and face.

if you can some how sit back a bit, and ride your own hips, you'll be better aligned.

get your hips and seatbones so you're sittinig in "nuetral", not rocked forward, and then think of your upper body riding your lower body. your responsibility is to stay right over your own hips, which , of course, will go with the saddle. to slow the horse, tighten your core so that your hips stop following the hrose, but be sure that your upper body still stays over your lower body.

if you brace into your stirrups, you will have to tighten hard if the hrose slows down, in order to keep yoursefl from being catepulted, since your knee is braced and forms a great fulcrum.

look up, keep your elbows connected to your ribcage and think of them staying , kind of hovering in a heavy way, down over your the top of your pelvis, which can move freely this way and that, under those downward draping arms. you cannot imaging how much more power you will have when you sit this way, instead of always in mid-fall forward, only stopped by the brace of your leg into the stirrup, or by your hands on the reins.

I would do a lot of work at the walk, asking her to bend and turn around following your rein, and reaching forward with her head. she's a lovely mare and you two will become a really nice pair. you have the potential to be a good rider. stick with it.


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

tinyliny said:


> I remember thatyou used to ride a big Fresian, right? your instructor's school horse. this arab is a totally different ride. one in which your position is going to be much more influential.
> 
> on a big horse, you can get away with a lot more of being poorly positioned, while on a small horse, every half inch of being off alignement is felt.
> 
> ...


Definitely a difference between riding the Friesian and riding my Arab. The Friesian had more powerful movements and I seemed like just a tiny thing on her back. It took more to get that horse to go.:lol:
The Arabian on the other hand is certainly more sensitive to my positioning, mood, and tenseness. She is not nearly as highly trained as my old instructor's Friesian mare, but it takes a lot less work to get her respond. When I'm all over the place, this is not a good thing (on my part).

Do you think I should bring the saddle back a few inches, and perhaps shorten my stirrups? I'm always hesitant of shortening my stirrups in fear of falling into a chair seat, but it may help me not to brace so hard. I think a part of the problem may be that I'm reaching for them? Will have to experiment with this.

"Upper body riding your lower body", I never thought of it that way! I will be keeping that in mind when I ride tomorrow. Gives me a good visual of what to do. I think having easy sessions where I just walk, relax, (breathe) and work on my positioning will be beneficial. Muscle memory. 

Thank you for your response! Always helpful.


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## Allison Finch (Oct 21, 2009)

Can I just say that I love your attitude? I bet you are a pleasure to teach and wish you were closer to me!

Sometimes relaxing is a mind game. You have to will (or pretend) that you are relaxed. Make every muscle soften when you feel the horse get tense. You will be amazed how this might break the cycle of tension you both are feeding off of.

I love the two of you together and feel you are on the right track. Try getting your feet more pointing forward as it will allow you to contact the horse with the INSIDE of your lower leg instead of the BACK of your lower leg. This will not only help soften your leg, it will help you develop a more secure position by allowing you to wrap your leg around the horse.

Keep up the good work and get as many lessons as you can.


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

Allison Finch said:


> Can I just say that I love your attitude? I bet you are a pleasure to teach and wish you were closer to me!
> 
> Sometimes relaxing is a mind game. You have to will (or pretend) that you are relaxed. Make every muscle soften when you feel the horse get tense. You will be amazed how this might break the cycle of tension you both are feeding off of.
> 
> ...


Relaxing is indeed a mind game for me! I think taking a slow breather moments (or a few of them... or many of them...) during our rides may help a lot. I need to almost make a habit of relaxing. I have felt my horse loosen up when I do, but maintaining that is easier said than done.

I sometimes forget about what my feet are doing- they really are pointing outward. They do when I stand and walk normally too :lol:
I definitely agree that I could get more use out of them if I position my feet pointing forward. I think I am only be using a tiny strip of lower leg right now.

Thank you for your advice! I am hypercritical of myself but it comes in handy when pointing out my mistakes... if only I were just as good as fixing my deficiencies as pointing them out! :think: That takes time though! We will hopefully get there. My mom has agreed to come out to the barn with me as often as possible to be my camerawoman. It helps me to see what I'm doing wrong so I can apply them on my next ride. 

Now I really cannot wait to start getting into weekly lessons when we move to a new facility! 

I really appreciate everyone answering. You do not know how much you help.


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## greentree (Feb 27, 2013)

You two are adorable! 

First, before you trot, she needs to learn to stretch into the contact. You get a light, consistent contact, with your arms and shoulders RELXEd and following her head, and then give JUST a SMIDGE when you start to feel her neck lengthen. Repeat until this stretching is consistent. Change directions a lot, don't ever pull, but teach her. 

Then work on the same at trot, then canter. Do not allow her to look around, keep her focused on you.

Nancy


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

greentree said:


> You two are adorable!
> 
> First, before you trot, she needs to learn to stretch into the contact. You get a light, consistent contact, with your arms and shoulders RELXEd and following her head, and then give JUST a SMIDGE when you start to feel her neck lengthen. Repeat until this stretching is consistent. Change directions a lot, don't ever pull, but teach her.
> 
> ...


Thank you!

I definitely agree I need to spend more time in the walk! Always feel the need to trot trot trot when I still need to get some of the basics down. After a long trail ride in the past I've noticed that she reaches down in the bit very nicely. Would like to have that more consistently.

I'm hoping a switch in bit from a loose-ring to a eggbutt will help us both with stability. Anyone had an success with this? I could easily be wrong and it might not make that big of a difference, but I'm thinking neither of us can get a good feel with me constantly fiddling with my hands and her mouthing a lot. Want to give it a shot.

I appreciate you input greentree!


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## greentree (Feb 27, 2013)

Once she understands the stretch to the contact, a lot of the mouthing may go away. My youngest purebred was a chewer until she relaxed and got the hang of it. I don't think loose ring vs eggbutt will make much difference, if you don't change the mouthpiece.

You are most welcome! I have not had a chance to call Tami about the trainer.


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

Wanted to take a short video of us riding outside of a lesson in a more comfortable setting. Less tense, still needs lots of work. Did this at a sitting trot with loose rein... no fighting or mouthing!

tinyliny took your advice of keeping my upper body over my hips, and riding my own hips, and it helps me out! I'm one of those people who need a good mental image. 

The Mare & I - Sept 8 - YouTube


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

oh, me too, about being one who needs an image. I have tons of them that I use!!! but the "ride your own pelvis" helps me a lot. I sometimes link that with thinking of my elbows as being a bit like a "frame" that hangs down , ourside of my hips, and my pelvis floats under the "protection" of those heavy elbows. of course, in reality, my elbows dont' reach to my hips, but thinking of them as like heavy ropes, coming off of a a "maypole" (my spine) give my upper body that weight and solidity that helps it to sit down over the lower body. 

really good riders will have a very soft, loose lower body, and a rather firm, strong upper body. it just does't LOOK that way.

another thing, I sometimes think of my collarbone as "leading" . You don't want to push your tummy out, nor raise your ribcage, as some peole do, becuase it makes you pooch your tummy out and roll your lower back forward and you get the opposite of the "prawn" curl. you have a teensy bit of that, when I say you are riding on your fork a bit. I kid of wonder if that saddle seat isn't a bit small for you . . . 

anyway, yoiu look so happy and relaxed in that second video and sitting the trot nicely. if you had a bit less outward turn of the lower leg, it might be able to kind of flex a bit with the movement of the trot. if you watch dressage riders who are sitting the trot, you'll see a relaxed leg isn't still. it moves in the sens that it is like a spring; absorbing some of the motion.

all in all, you ride very nicely and have a sweet and happy equine partner. you'll do well!


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

tinyliny said:


> oh, me too, about being one who needs an image. I have tons of them that I use!!! but the "ride your own pelvis" helps me a lot. I sometimes link that with thinking of my elbows as being a bit like a "frame" that hangs down , ourside of my hips, and my pelvis floats under the "protection" of those heavy elbows. of course, in reality, my elbows dont' reach to my hips, but thinking of them as like heavy ropes, coming off of a a "maypole" (my spine) give my upper body that weight and solidity that helps it to sit down over the lower body.
> 
> really good riders will have a very soft, loose lower body, and a rather firm, strong upper body. it just does't LOOK that way.
> 
> ...


I forget about my leg. They are definitely pretty stiff. If I become nervous my first response is to tense them up even more and stick them out. I guess I'm trying to put the brakes on or am a bit scared of legging my horse on too much! Also need to work on my feet pointing out. _Every_ instructor I've had has told me they point outward too much. As another poster said earlier in the post, I'd be able to use my legs more effectively if they point more forward. That's going to be a big concentrating point of mine.

The saddle is a bit too small for me, but so comfy and fits my horse great! It's a Specialized Saddle. I boarded my horse at their stable and they were kind enough to let me use another model of theirs that fit me better, but wasn't for sale (that one was my favorite saddle off all time... it had black and red leather :shock: )I wound up buying this one since they were selling it and I wanted something I was sure would fit my horse. I'm hoping to get a Wintec 2000 within the next two months, hopefully it will be better to use for schooling and keep the Specialized for the trail. Rode in a 17.5" Wintec 2000 and found it very comfy. Had a nice but older Stubben, but the wither clearance wasn't right for my horse and my upper leg was too long for it. Liked it a lot though. :-|

I appreciate your input tinyliny!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

What kind of saddle is a specialized ?


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## Houston (Apr 15, 2012)

Specialized are endurance saddles. This is the model I have.










They have a fit system that can be made to fit many different types of horses so it fits mine great, is light, and comfy. I can ride all day in it, and the fleece seat that I have on mine makes things even better :lol: . I think that's its primary function given you'll be spending miles in it. Because of that, an all purpose saddle might be better for schooling. It puts me in a different position.


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