# A Marines Girlfriend's Journal...



## Spastic_Dove (Oct 4, 2007)

Welcome to HF! 
I'm in a similar, but no way the same situation (My guy is gone for long stretches) and I got to give you kudos for being willing to stick it out. It's tough. Get yourself a good group of girlfriends. I'm sure the marines have similar things like the army with other wives/girlfriends so you can talk to someone who is going through the same. Good luck and hope to see more posts from you!


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Ok so me and Brett have been fighting alot lately. I think he is scared that when he leaves I won't stay faithful to him. So it's like everyone that calls me is a guy I'm going to leave him for. I really don't understand why he won't calm down and trust me. I would never do that to him. Could never. We had a long talk about it. He promises me that he is trying. He just doesn't want to get hurt. His father died when he was 14 and he and his mother dont have a good relationship. He lives with his grandparents. So his life has not been perfect. Yesterday was a very good day. We got along great and even when my brothers best friend (someone I have kissed before) called me to see if I was in town ( idk why he called really but he is a family friend and is down from the Marines so i couldnt ignore him) Brett got mad but we talked about it and he calmed down. then decided that it would be the funniest thing in the world to tickle me till I about peed my pants. Well his mooch of a mother (more about that later) is moving back to Alvin so Brett is coming to get me to help. So I have to go shower! tata for now!!


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## BackInTheSaddleAgain (Apr 20, 2009)

Hi, there. I'm a military wife, so I can relate. Things are going to get tough, girl. I can't sugar-coat it. But, it sure makes you a strong woman! After 5 years, my husband finally told me something. He said that the entire time they were in boot camp/training, their insstructors would scream at them and tell them their wives and girlfriends were at home cheating on them. Crazy, I know. And sick. They have their reasons for it, but it really hurts a lot of the soldiers. maybe he has already heard this wrath? Just be prepared and keep comforting him. It's also common for a guy to start developing an attitude before he leaves for an extended period. He will push you away as a means of making leaving your not hurt so bad. You may find yourself doing the same. In the military, things are hard, but the good outweighs the bad. That's what keeps us women around. lol


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## Iluvjunior (Feb 15, 2009)

Hi welcome to the forum! it will be alright he'll understand that you won't do that too him!


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Today was a great day. Brett helped me halter break a heifer. That is my current source of income. it pays ok as long as you have customers. I charge 35 bucks a day and the normal period is 3 days. So its about a 100 bucks per calf. It something I enjoy and am good at. You can get some nasty bruises and blisters though. After that we went to his house and ate some weird cajun food. Punz? It's like pig stomach with like sausage in it? It was actually good. Then we watched a movie. He brought me back to my house where we talked to my mom and watched TV. As we were sitting on the couch I couldn't keep my eyes off him. He's so amazing. I have never felt what I do for him before. It's an amazing feeling, love. I was in disbelief that he is actually mine. I can't even describe how much he means to me. All the stars in the universe can't compare. Cheesy, yes, but true.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

ugh. I have to clean. And then I gotta go mess with the heifer. Tommorow I'm getting another heifer that "needs a rough touch" I just think the people are scared of her. I have a heifer named Anabell (born on christmas eve) sweetest lil thing ever. She is already halter broke and you can love all over her, takes a bath like a champ too. Then there's Guppie. Dad bought her from the hoof trimmer (he trims cows not horses so idk if he would be considered a farrier) She is wild as hell. I don't mess with her cause I cant get a halter on her. Also my dad doesn't seem interested in breaking her. I would put her on my donkey Jenny but I'm kinda scared the heifer would hurt jenny. Oh! I almost forgot! The heifer I am breaking is a "fainting" heifer. You pull on her and sometimes she just falls over! Or if you tie her up she will fall over. We put her on Jenny yesterday to see what she would do and sure nuff she hit the ground like a rock. poor Jenny kept trying to pull her cause its her job. Dad finally got jenny to be still so he could untie that stupid calf. I wish I had a picture!!!


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Now that everything I had to do is done I am just waiting on brett. He is riding in a rodeo on saturday. It really scares me when he gets on, but it's something he loves to do and I enjoy watching him even though i can't breath for those 8 seconds. Sometimes shorter. lol. Last time he got bucked off he got up ran a few steps and collapsed. I couldn't breathe, move, or think. I was stunned finally my senses came back and I ran over to the gate where he was. Turns out he got kicked in the back and was having muscle spasms. Nothing to serious. Though he was quite sore for a few days.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Last night brett came over and we went out to the pasture to check on one of our cows. Turns out she was having her baby. I wish I had pictures! I will get some today. It's a solid brown calf with a white face. Cutetest lil thing! I'm not sure if it's a boy or girl. I think it's a girl but it was to dark to tell.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Brett and I were fighting today. It's like he doesnt listen. But I guess thats every guy. he got mad and told me that if I didnt want to be with him then to just leave. I almost did just to show him what he could lose. It really hurt me for him to be acting like that. he apologized though. Am I to forgiving? We got along great when we came to my house. Played a little catch, lol, he doesnt have a very good arm. Then we rode the four-wheeler. I really do love this guy.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

I'm so tired. I just got back from a rodeo with Brett. He didn't make his 8. Which means wasted money. He needs more practice. Tomorrow I'm going to start a new workout and eating plan. I have decided I need to shed a few pounds for my health. I don't want to be young and useless.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Brett called me this morning saying he was having dreams that I would cheat on him when he goes to boot camp. I don't know how to console him as we have been over this before. I have told him a hundred times that i could never do that to him. It hurts me for him to think that I would. I'm really at a loss here. I don't know. He has got to trust me. It's almost like he wants me to hurt him as much as he brings it up that I will. And it hurts me every time he does. I'm so worried that he's going to start thinking "I'm going to hurt her before she hurts me." Thats what is scaring me the most. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

well it's been a while since i wrote. been kinda busy. brett and i went to the movies last night and tonight we just stayed in and chilled. I think i liked that better. we are doing good. One thing is that his mother moved back in with her husband so no more mooching off brett, at least not as much. he got a $1500 check a while back and she made him give her $1000 of it. idk why. it's not my business but i can't stand the woman for this and other reasons. She is a very rude person. Brett is everything to me. I can't seem to get over the fact that he is mine.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

well last night was interesting to say the least. We were at Bretts cousins house and they were a few people there, at first it was all good. but people started getting drunk and all hell broke lose. One guy (X) was mad bc the girl he liked wouldnt give him the time of day.... I was talking to X to calm him down and Brett came over thinking that X was trying to hit on me so Brett tried to fight but X walked away. Brett apologised later on. Then the girl that X likes tripped and maybe pulled a ligament in her knee....X tried helping her but she wouldnt let him. He was mad about that as well. Brett was makning me mad so I went inside to get away for a little while, but he followed me in and we got in an arguement. I ended up crying over something he said. I tried to leave but he wouldnt let me. We went into a bedroom to talk and he acused me of cheating again. I swear if he can't learn to trust me idk what I'll do. I don't want to leave him, I can't see that. But getting accused every 5 minutes is really getting old. I have talked to him about it but it's like he doesn't hear me. Maybe I need to take action..............


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

I'm going to New Braunsfels to tube on the guadalupe river tomorrow! im excted. But I wont see brett for 3 days! im sad. I think that the fighting we have done over the past 2 days has done us good. Its like we got everything out in the open and i feel lighter. sometimes you just need a good argument. lol. I love brett!!!!!!


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

well i got back from the river yesterday! I had soooo much fun! It did get a little crazy lol. a guy from our group climbed up the rock wall and mooned everybody. haha. it was pretty much just a big party. i didnt get to see Brett until late last night. He is so scared that i can't/won't be able to handle him leaving. He allways assumes that I'm going to leave him. I have told him over and over that I am strong enough. Him leavung isn't going to change my feelings for him and I will be here when he gets back. And if he doesn't come back? I don't know what I will do. It would kill me. But it's a chance I'm willing to take. I can't see myself without him. He is as much a part of me as my legs, lungs, heart, or hands. He completes me. I had people tell me yesterday (before I got to see brett after I got back) that I didnt seem myself. My 2nd mother (as she calls herself lol) told me "girl, you need to go see Bubba." lol My family calls him bubba. well I'm going to go to Bretts house. lol tata for now!


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

oh man. me and brett went and got our tongues peirced today. it hurt a lil bit. lol. it hurts right now. but i really like the way it looks. i wish i had some pics to post but my camera doesnt work for some unknown reason. my mom doesnt like it lol and my sis doesnt either my dad will be ****ed and my other sister knew before i got it done. my brother is in austraila so he dont know...but he wouldnt care. i cant belive i had the balls to do it lol. i have decided the next horse i get will be a draft or draft cross. but that wont be for a long time. im still trying to decide what to do with my life. i want to do something sciencey...thats what i like to do. biology...genetics, wildlife studies, micro organisms, maybe even microbiology and work with biological weapontry. idk............. well im going to take some tylonol and go to sleep.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

ugh. my tongue is so sore. it hurts to eat. but i really like the way it looks and feels. me and brett did alot of fighting today. not very good. most of it was my fault. i just was in a mood i guess. it was like every little stupid thing he did got on my nerves. idk what it was. but im over it now. i think brett has self confidence issues. i cannot say anything negative and i am allways kidding when i do. i hate hurting him. though sometimes i dont think before i speak. i cooked spaghetti for us tonight but he doesnt like spaghetti sauce. weird. it's gonna be hard to choose what to eat if we get married. lol. i wont mind though.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

brett really hurt me today. it's our 3 months and he said we would go out to eat. but i had alot of work to do today and i told him that i wouldnt be there until later. when i finally get done and call him he's drinking with his friends. when he drinks he acts like an idiot. and we ALLWAYS fight when he drinks. So i decided i would go over there with him cause i really wanted to see him. He then asks me to take him and his friedn to alvin to a rodeo. I didnt wnat to but he said there would be a dance afterwards. i love dancing. Well we get there and the rodoe is pretty much over and there is no dance. i have yet to tell him that im mad bc he didnt wait on me for our dinner plans. he chats it up and has a good time while i sit in the truck. i finally tell him that i dont want to be there and i want to leave. so he goes and finds his frind to tell him that he's leaving. 45 mins later he comes back. All the way home we fight. about how he didnt think of me about how im allways angry about how he didnt wait for me, and then he says this "You're just like everybody else" it brings tears to my eyes just to think about it. that hurt me so much. i have never been hurt by a guy as much as that hurt me. i couldnt think i could barely breathe, it hit like a train. I honestly cant remeber what was said the rest of the ride home. he apologised for it, but i still havent completly forgiven him. I admit that i have done wrong and yelled at him when i shouldnt have. i know that i'm not perfect and i probably dont deserve him but he shouldnt have said that. and he should have waited for me. i mean its our anniversary. kinda. lol. i hate it when he talks himself down. it bothers me alot. i have alot jumbled in my head right now so its taking me forever to type this. im over being mad. im still kinda hurt. and i hate it when he accuses me of cheating. it's getting really old. well my head hurts so im done for now.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

im sorry


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

the message above this one is brett. he read this and apologized. We are better. But I for some reason seem to be bitchy all the time. Maybe we are spending to much time together, or something. idk. but i need to stop. well i'm gonna shower. ttyl


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

I watch him wallking away from me blue jeans, boots, and cowboy hat.
He jumps the arena fence, his spurs ringing on the pipe.
He's all dressed up, ready to go in his vest and chaps.
I watch him joke around as he rosins up his rope.
Behind the chutes he's helping others waiting for his ride.
To calm his nerves he reaches back and pulls out a can of Cope.
His bull is rank, so they say, never ridden before.
He says a quick bull rider prayer before getting in the chute.
I watch him yell "Go ahead boys!" and they open up the door.
My heart stops beating and I'm not breathing when I see the bull blow.
Five jumps in he's sitting tight, the bull spins to the left then the right.
Eight seconds has never moved so slow. 
The buzzer sounds and he jumps off, waving at the crowd.
I catch his eye and smile, so glad that he is safe.
Judges say a ninety point ride, he's never been more proud.
I watch him walking toward me boots, blue jeans, and cowboy hat.
He's sweaty, dusty and slightly sore but his smile is brighter than arena lights.
I give him a kiss and say "Good ride cowboy." His smile widens at that.
He talks about his ride and how he knew he would win.
I just listen and nod my head.
I'm happy my cowboy is with me again.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Brett leaves for boot camp in 33 days.  I don't want him to leave. I'm sad now.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

soo i finally got off my butt and started doing something for my weight. I started running 3 days ago. Whooo! I run in the evenings cause even in the morning its to hot. lol and i'm too tired. I'm taking my 8 month old black mouth curr with me and she loves it. So I have a running buddy. yay! well im abput to go to town so i gotta take a shower.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

he says he wants to propose to me after he gets out. I love him very much. I don't see myself with anyone but him. I would love to marry him. BUT not until I'm out of college. Maybe even a year after that. I know I'm not ready for that step in life. I dont want to get married young and then things not work out. Or regret not having more fun while young instead of worrying about marrigey things (lol house, insurance, bills, all that jazz) I just want to love and be loved. I think he wants to rush it cause he's in the marines and might ship out after boot camp. Like he's scared he'll lose me while he's over there and wants to make me completley his. I dont know how to make him understand my side. I'm not ready. but I don't want to lose him. help?


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## Jillyann (Mar 31, 2009)

I think its normal to feel that way, and for him not to understand your side of things if he REALLY does not want to lose you. but you should just explain to him that youre not going anywhere and you will be here for him when he gets back. I am 18 and somewhat in the same boat. But my boyfriend is not going into the Marines. But were in the same boat about the whole marriage thing. I definitely want to wait until we live together for at least a good year. ya know? just try talking to him about it. other then that there is really nothing you can do?


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

im tired but i'd thought i would post something short. I really wish that I had the money to buy a great horse. In all truth I would love to sell our 3 horses and buy 2 well trained ones. Ours need alot of work and no one here has the time for that. I want a horse I don't have to lunge for an hour before I get on. But I dont have the money to buy and I can't convince my parents to sell ours. they say I wont have time when college starts, but I will still be living at home and I can ride on my days off and weekends and stuff. Even if it is just a few times a month for about an hour. Thats why i want to get a horse that doesnt have to be rode constantly to be dependable. Like my old horse Coco. I miss that old nag. lol. She was grumpy and kinda lame, but i didnt have to worry when i was on her back. She didnt buck (crowhop yes) or rear and i could just jump on and go even if i hadnt ridden in a month. I want another Coco.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

today i didnt get to see brett nuch as he had work and he went bull rididng and i was riding horses all day. I saw him for about an hour and a half total. But i had tons of fun today out at the horse trainers. Rode a horse he's selling and my friend roxanne messed with her colt he is training for her. He likes us alot im sure and tells us stories of riding his horses in TV shows winning show jumping comps where the last jump was 7'2!!! Racing in florida and working on a ranch breaking colts. Its like he has done everything horse related! I aske him what he hadn't done and he said polo. lol. i love to hear his stories.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

idk what to do. he's talkin crazy. i cant comfort him. he has his mind set. no matter what I end up hurt. What have I done that make him think this way? Can't he trust me? I just want him to love me now and this moment, but all he can do is think about the future. I'm probably being selfish here, but his isn't the only one that will change drastically. I don't want to fight with him. Especially not before he leaves. I can't stand to hear him talk like this. I don't have the words to comfort him. I don't know that everything will be alright. I dont know that we will end up together forever. No one knows what the future has in store. He may meet someone, I may meet someone. No one knows. but I do know that I love him and I'm going to keep loving him. Idk if that will change. I hope it doesn't, but I will love him with all my soul. I'm not worried about the future. What happens happens. In life we have to take chances. The greatest succeses are because someone took a chance. I'm willing to take a chance with him. I wont regret it.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

im so confused. brett pretty much just broke up with me. he says he wants to take a break. so that he wont be on my mind when he leaves, so that i wont be burdened with a boyfriend that wont be around. so that i can live life. i kinda get where he's coming from but Im so sad. I feel like the world has ended. He says we will still do everything like a couple until he leaves. He doesnt understand that when he leaves he will still be on my mind, still be the boyfriend that wont be around. im shaking so much now its hard to type. It makes me feel like he doesnt want to be with me. I feel as though I did something wrong. I didnt say the right thing to console him. I bitched to much. I just didn't do enough. what a day for the 3 month drought to end. It's raining outside and inside.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

First of all, {hugs} to you, because it is painfully obvious how much you are hurting.
What I am about to say, I say not only from the perspective of a military (Marine, to be exact) wife, but also as someone who spent four years watching couple after couple play out much of what you are going through while my husband was on recruiting duty.
There are many things that "could" be going on right now - unfortunately, the only way to know which of the many it really is is to keep breathing, keep walking forward and see what comes of it all.
I will say that many, many relationships come to this point just before one of the two leaves for bootcamp. You are BOTH under an incredible amount of pressure right now and have minds that are running a million different directions and a hundred miles an hour.
Some people leaving for boot get it into their head that the honorable thing to do is to end a relationship rather than inflict the lonliness and sorrow on the one they love (I know, it makes no sense when you are the one on the receiving end, but in their head and heart it makes absolute sense). Some worry that while they are away they will lose the one they love so they launch a pre-emptive strike by moving first to end things. Still others are in such an absolute panic mode that they don't know what they are doing or thinking. 
None of that matters right now, though, and I know that - because what you know right now is you are hurting. All I can say is remember to breathe. As horribly cliche as it sounds, if the two of you are going to be together, you will be. 
If you ever want to talk, my inbox is open.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

If the two of you end up staying together, Military Significant Others and Spouse Support would be a great place for you to check out.


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## lovinmylife (Jul 9, 2009)

Helo, I'm a marine mom (3 marines) and my youngest is in boot now, ready to grad. in Aug. Hopefully you all can hold on til then but remember he is under alot of pressure right now and fighting with you only compounds the problem. Be careful. He may act tough but he is scared of the future also, it's natural. It's like a duck on the water, on the surface he looks all calm but under the water those feet are going a mile a minute! Be forgiving and supportive. Remember he will be gone for 3 months and your letters are what keeps them positive in boot. You can join marineparents.com There are sections for girlfriends and wives. Good luck and thank him for his service. Semperfi


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

I guess if its what he wants then he should have it. i'm being selfish to not let him do this. It hurts me for him to not want to be together while he's gone but I know we will still talk. he told me tonight he wants to give me "freedom" he doesnt expect me to be waiting for him when he gets back. He doesnt think that I care about him that much. I guess the only way to prove him wrong is to let him have it his way until he gets back. He told me he wants to propose to me when he's done with job training. i would like that. I dont think I would want to be married until he is out though.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

he called me this morning and told me he messed up. He wants me back. doesnt want to be apart. so we are back together but I'm waiting for it to happen again. He will do it again. And if he wants me back again, I will go. I couldn't refuse him if I tried.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

yeah i have been depressed all day. so i went out tonight and had an ok time. it was nice to see all my friends from school. but i still thought about him the whole time. he's mad that i went out. and i dont like that he trys to control me like that. but i do love him. we are having our issues. he's under alot of stress. i guess i should try to make it easier.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

we fought again tonight. It's like he's looking for things to fight over. He said some hurtful things. Like that he expects me to cheat on him. That I'm not strong enough to resist "urges" when he's gone and that he can't trust me. He says he's never had someone care so much about him and that he doesn't know how to act. I told him hurting me is not the way to act. After he got over himself he realized what an imbecile he has been lately, he apologised. I havent fully accepted his apology and he's gonna have to be a suck up for a while. I'm really ****ed off.


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## Roxanneify (Jul 21, 2009)

Mariah, I love you, girl. You're the bestest friend anyone can ask for, and I wish I could say something to all this. I know it's killing you to be with someone who is so frustrating but you love so much. Have you ever heard "What do you do when the only one can make you stop crying, is the one who made you cry?"... that's kind of what happens with a relationship like this it seems like, if you know what I mean. Even though you're not crying 


But I like you and Brett together. You're in love, you'll be a good marine wifey. I'll hopefully be a good army wifey. 


Shyeah, by the way. I love this place


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

haha. i knew you would!! yeah he is frusturating. lol. sorry I haven't updated lately, my internet is down and right now I'm actually at Roxannes house....soo. Me and Brett have been good. although he does **** me off from time to time. lol. He leaves in 17 days. Too soon.


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## Semperfiwife (Jul 17, 2009)

Hi Mariah, I am the proud wife of a Marine. We were dating for about 2 years before he went to boot camp and we hit a rocky road right before he left. We both thought it was over. Your posts brought back so many memories that I had so long forgotten. We were married the day after boot camp at it was the happiest day of my life...but I want to tell you some things and I hope you take these things seriously.
Being a wife of a Marine, or military in general, is very hard. You have to live without them for months, sometimes years at a time. You have to be able to handle this without looking for the comfort (and I dont' mean sex. Sorry I can't put it any nicer) of another man. When your man is over there in a war zone and all you want is the comfort of some arms around you to tell you everything is going to be okay but you cant. You have to live alone, cry alone, and be strong everytime that phone rings and you hear his voice because you can never let him know your falling apart.
You have to deal with the PTSD when they come back. You can't startle them or wake them up. You have to deal with them readjusting into normal life after they've been fighting for their lives in a country a million miles away. You have to be tough. I've seen women, and marriages, break because they can't. 
With that said, it is a wonderful life! You will see the country and meet people from all over the world. I wouldn't take back one day of our almost 7 years we've been in. The good definetly outweighs the bad, but only if your strong enough to live that life.
And also, your man will not be sent overseas right after bootcamp. He will go to school first and be trained. I know Marines don't deploy until after school. And ...technically, your guy isn't a Marine yet. He doesn't get that title until graduates bootcamp. 
I understand your heartache and your pain. Remember he is making a very scary decision and to leave you know that he's attached makes it even harder. Give him some slack, enjoy the good times you have together. You need to write him in bootcamp all the time. They live for mail call. If you can handle boot camp your well on your way! We've been through 2 deployments and numberous trainings and I can say boot camp, though one of the shortest, was the worst time apart we had. 
I'm always here for you if you have any questions. All I ask..is that you realize this boy will turn into a man over the next 3 months and then he will graduate as an American Hero. Respect him for that. Not only will he be one of the few, but you will be too if you stay together. I ask you this not because of what I've read or what I think of you, but because of what I've seen in the past; be faithful to him. Never turn your head to look at another even when it's been 6,7,8 months since you've seen him or touched him. I've seen men wounded and scared for life because their wives divorced them while they were overseas and they lost their focus for a second and were injured in combat. A man that is fighting for his country is untouchable...at least they should be.
Remember...being a Marine Wife is touch, but so rewarding. I still get butterflies in my stomach everytime I see him in those dress blues. I'm still blown away that out of all those beautiful women out there, this hero chose me. He is a hero and he always will be. I am honored and proud to call myself his wife.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

thanks for the advice. i havent been able to write bc they wont fix my friggin internet. grrr. Me and Brett have been great. I think he's just trying to take it easy before he leaves and we have just been very relaxed. I'm dreading the day he's gone. My heart drops whenever I think of it. We have been spending as much time as possible whith each other. Just enjoying the time.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

yay internet is back so i get to post daily now!!! whoohoo! Brett is at his grandma's house. his dad's mother that is seeing as he lives with his moms mother. well he is drinking and having fun. but if i say I'm going to a party and that I wont be consuming alcohol I'm suddenly cheating. wtf? he says I only party when he's gone. uh yeah bc when he's here I spend every moment I can with him. He gets mad and says stupid ****. I know he doesn't trust me. And that hurts me more than anything. He says he trusts me, but not the guys I'm around. I have been hanging out with pretty much the same guys for 4 years now and I know how to handle them and what they will and will not do. He should be able to trust that I wouldn't get myself into a situation that could possible hurt him. Hurting him is the worst thing ever. I hate myself when I hurt him. And I have. It sucks. I think the saying for our relationship is "They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday... But in spite of their diffrences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other."


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

ugh. I'm tired and frustrated and i just want to be alone with brett but his friend is here. well I'm going to go eat. I'll post later.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Lonestar22 said:


> yay internet is back so i get to post daily now!!! whoohoo! Brett is at his grandma's house. his dad's mother that is seeing as he lives with his moms mother. well he is drinking and having fun. but if i say I'm going to a party and that I wont be consuming alcohol I'm suddenly cheating. wtf? he says I only party when he's gone. uh yeah bc when he's here I spend every moment I can with him. He gets mad and says stupid ****. I know he doesn't trust me. And that hurts me more than anything. He says he trusts me, but not the guys I'm around. I have been hanging out with pretty much the same guys for 4 years now and I know how to handle them and what they will and will not do.* He should be able to trust that I wouldn't get myself into a situation that could possible hurt him. Hurting him is the worst thing ever. I hate myself when I hurt him. And I have. It sucks.* I think the saying for our relationship is "They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday... But in spite of their diffrences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other."


That seems a bit contradictory, don't you think? You say he should trust that you won't hurt him - and then go on to say that you have, in fact, hurt him in the past. Granted, I don't know what that past hurt is (nor do I need to, that is your personal stuff), but maybe if you re-read just that bolded bit to yourself you might be able to take a step back and look at this not only from your perspecitve, but from his. When we stand in the other person's shoes we make the most progress forward.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

when I say i have hurt him I did not mean I have cheated on him. I lied about a friend who I had kissed in the past, I didn't even think about the kiss when he asked if I had ever done anything with the guy. I had totally forgotten about it. It was prom night last year and the guy just up and kissed me. I totally forgot until a friend brought it up in front of him. And thats how I hurt him. But he believes that every time I go out or he is not around for a day or two that I am cheating on him. Which I have never done. And don't plan on doing ever. Thats the trust issue. It sucks to be accused of cheating every other day or two.


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## Jillyann (Mar 31, 2009)

I consider kissing someone else when your with someone as cheating? How would you feel if he did that to you?


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

ok so I'm going fishing today!! whoooo! lol Brett and I have been doing great. He has been very sweet lately although we do still get into little arguments. Mostly when he won't stop messing with me when I want him to. lol It's really annoying. But I love him anyways. well i have to go bc I'm already late to meet my mom.


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## Roxanneify (Jul 21, 2009)

Jillyann said:


> I consider kissing someone else when your with someone as cheating? How would you feel if he did that to you?


It's not really my place to say BUT....They weren't dating at the time, I'm not sure if they had even known each other then.  So no cheating, she couldn't do that.

And Mer, you saved a sea turtle today so you need to put the pictures here! It's a journal, but you need to fill it with a few pictures here and there


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

No we hadn't even met yet. It was actually last year at prom. before I even knew of his existence. I don't even think about guys the way I used to. Don't even look at them. Unless of course I think Roxanne might like him. lol.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

ah yes the sea turtle. ok so I'm sitting there fishing on the jettis when i see something like flopping iin the water, IM like wtf? And it's a see turtle! But it's caught in some fishing string wrapped on a rock! I can't just leave him there to die so I get a dip net and a knife while my mom calls the game warden. I slide down the rocks into the water and get out to the rock closest to him. by kinda wedging myself between 2 rocks i am able to safely reach him and cut him loose. I bring him back onto shore and we cut the string off from around his neck. Game warden said if there no major injury (not a thing wrong with him) to let him go. so I freed him back into the wild.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

I went to bretts last rodeo before he leaves last night. It was an ok rodeo. Nothing spectacular. Brett stayed with me last night. I love the feeling of him snuggled up with me. It's the best. Today he is having a going away party thing. It's really starting to hit me thats he's leaving. IDK how i will survive. Im going to be so depressed. ugh.I don't want to think about it or i will cry. I'm going to snuggle up with him in bed and watch tv.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

Apparently I am the biggest ***** ever. I really don't know how. He says I'm snapping at him but I'm just answering his question. He gets so rude. I just need to vent. I can't seem to do anything right. Even if I'm doing nothing at all.


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## Lonestar22 (May 22, 2009)

ok so I finally got to a computer again. I have been without internet forever and it sucks. lol. Brett is suppossed to leave on monday but some stuff happened and he's now leaving in september. Or something like that. I really dont know. It's weird and I don't know all the details. Our relationship is good. He's taking me to eat italian food tonight at a local resturant. I'm excited. It's supossed to be really good.


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## Roxanneify (Jul 21, 2009)

*sea toiwtle!!!!!! *


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Bumping of ship dates is SO frustrating, but it happens a lot. Take it as a blessing that you will have more time together now and don't look that gift horse in the mouth.


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