# Group Lessons and Social Anxiety?



## jjhalk22 (2 mo ago)

So Im now attending college and have been riding private and jumping 2 ft mini courses. And I’m actually doing really good. But this past week I went home for break and to my barn here and I came back to an beginner jumping class even though I told her I’ve been doing 2 ft courses. It’s group lessons and I had to do it with a new group which just made my nerves skyrocket more than I usually would in groups. I was also put on a horse I don’t have a ton of experience with which only made things worse as this made all possible scenarios of failure go through my mind. 
so here’s where I don’t get it. I’ve done my best riding these past few months and then I come back to group lessons and I’ve never had more atrocious riding skills, I was shaking and in the verge of tears.
I’m not sure what to do.


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## newtrailriders (Apr 2, 2017)

I'm being philosophical tonight but - what we learn with and about horses is only one part of why we ride. Riding horses with other people helps us to learn more about others and how to relate, how to perform when we're anxious around others etc. I also have always had some social anxiety and do much better around others if we're actively doing something we all enjoy and not concentrating too much on one another. So riding lessons, in my opinion, are an amazing way to learn to work through social anxiety and learn how to function effectively with it.

I recommend you keep going to the group lessons and don't worry too much about how well you're riding. Once you get more accustomed to the people around you, you'll be back to riding better and will have made some progress with your anxiety.

Welcome to the forum!


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

New horses, unfamiliar surrounding now to you, new people you need to ride with and rely on their abilities and yours to make safe choices....
You no longer ride at this barn....your barn is your college barn and facility in reality.
So all is again new.
You were properly placed in a group lesson based on your reaction to the stimulus and feelings you wrote of.
2' courses _are_ beginner level. Only part might be different is whether you ride just doing outside lines or whether you make turn and directional changes and do a fence on a diagonal line or not..

To me having a bit of nerves is expected and normal.
I would coming into a busy atmosphere very unlike what you had at college of private and quiet, known animals...and a trusted instructor. All is different here at home now.

Although it may be some time in future what you are experiencing is what you will experience if you show intercollegiate or just show in general.
Busier ring, activity and more than just you and....there is no instructor supposed to be coaching you ringside or ring middle...you ride on your merits learned is what is expected and desired.

So, some experience to use to your advantage riding now at this barn with several other riders in a ring doing the same as you.
Learning to control nerves, keep attention focused on you and calm is a good learning environment.
🐴...


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

The best answer is that... it doesn't mean anything. Really. There are lots of contributing factors that could explain it. And even if they didn't... it still doesn't mean anything. We all have bad rides and bad lessons and days where we can't get out of our heads. Your next ride will be better. Don't overexamine this one instance. It doesn't reflect poorly on your riding skills. You've got this.


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## jjhalk22 (2 mo ago)

newtrailriders said:


> I'm being philosophical tonight but - what we learn with and about horses is only one part of why we ride. Riding horses with other people helps us to learn more about others and how to relate, how to perform when we're anxious around others etc. I also have always had some social anxiety and do much better around others if we're actively doing something we all enjoy and not concentrating too much on one another. So riding lessons, in my opinion, are an amazing way to learn to work through social anxiety and learn how to function effectively with it.
> 
> I recommend you keep going to the group lessons and don't worry too much about how well you're riding. Once you get more accustomed to the people around you, you'll be back to riding better and will have made some progress with your anxiety.
> 
> Welcome to the forum!


thank you!

and I totally agree. I’ve been showing for a few years and my anxiety I think is lower as I’m in competition mode 😂
But what I do notice at the the “home barn” is a lot of the other riders are not interested in being with others outside of their clique. If you ride bad they give the side eye which is definitely something I just need to get used to. 
But thank you for the advice!


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## jjhalk22 (2 mo ago)

horselovinguy said:


> New horses, unfamiliar surrounding now to you, new people you need to ride with and rely on their abilities and yours to make safe choices....
> You no longer ride at this barn....your barn is your college barn and facility in reality.
> So all is again new.
> You were properly placed in a group lesson based on your reaction to the stimulus and feelings you wrote of.
> ...


thank you for the reply! I do agree that 2’ is begginner(I should have mentioned that) but at the “home barn” I’m at 1’ which is where I was frustrated as I’m not working on what I’m learning currently at my barn


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## newtrailriders (Apr 2, 2017)

jjhalk22 said:


> thank you!
> 
> and I totally agree. I’ve been showing for a few years and my anxiety I think is lower as I’m in competition mode 😂
> But what I do notice at the the “home barn” is a lot of the other riders are not interested in being with others outside of their clique. If you ride bad they give the side eye which is definitely something I just need to get used to.
> But thank you for the advice!


I suppose you could give THEM the side eye when they ride bad - but somehow it's not as effective when only one person is doing it!


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

jjhalk22 said:


> thank you for the reply! I do agree that 2’ is begginner(I should have mentioned that) but at the “home barn” I’m at 1’ which is where I was frustrated as I’m not working on what I’m learning currently at my barn


My impression is you have only had 1 lesson and interaction with this facility in quite some time...
So, to protect you, other riders and the horses you were maybe put in a setting where less was required so it can be seen and observed where better your skills are and to match you better for another lesson/riding experience.
Personally, I would rather be under-horsed and have a fair evaluation done than be over-horsed, over-faced and have a disaster unravel.

As for the people....new kid on the block.
Till you are around a bit and get past the cliques often found in show barns atmosphere...the unknown is a threat to the hierarchy of who is where....
Sometimes, keeping to you, concentrating on you and not get into the cliques and bad-mouthing that those who worry they aren't as good as another do...you know, put someone down to raise yourself up is a typical teenagers way of feeling threatened.
Remember, you _*are*_ a outsider. You graduated, moved away you said to college and don't fit the teens world anymore...you've moved beyond and that too is a threat.

I went to the barn for me, not others and although would go to get a sandwich with them, often opted to keep to myself eating alone as many others sat together and bad-mouthed....interesting is those who yapped the most, had the most to say and had to prove had the least to back it up with in actual doing and achieving... 
🐴...


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## Whinnie (Aug 9, 2015)

People who give you the side eye are insecure. They want to make others feel small so they can feel big. I know it is hard to ignore what feels like judgement from others, but truly, they are the ones with problems.


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