# Getting back in the saddle after a broken back



## Golden Horse

Oooh, ouch, so sorry that you got hurt, that is never fun, and I hope that you recover soon.

Goals and limits?

1) Be guided by medical opinion as to your recovery, you want to heal strong and straight, so rest when told, exercise when allowed, physiotherapy is key to getting the body back. 

2) Do not rush it, strong body first, especially strong core.

3) Once the body is strong then we have to make the mind strong, if you have fear, then we work to overcome it, GH's step program to getting over the fear (ignore if not needed)

Start by feeling like a rider, wear your riding clothes around the house until you get that feel.

Go to barn/stables/friends house and just visit with some horses spend time just being with them.

Start working with them, grooming, leading, tacking up, turning out, all that wonderful horse stuff we enjoy, don't hurry it, enjoy it.

Now we are going to stand on a mounting block and just have someone lead a horse up to it, you will admire the view, lean over, pet the horse maybe, just be chilled in that space.

Next you are going to slip over onto the horse, you will have one or two trusted people with you, they will hold the horse and be at your offside for support, when you are comfortable they will lead you a few steps forward then you will get off.

Next time you will have them lead you a bit further, and then further, and then they will walk beside you, and then WHOOPEE you are riding alone again.

4) Now you are over (mainly) or you never had the fear, you are ready to rejoin the mainstream, and you start again as a humble rerider, and you start learning all over again. You build yourself up from the ground up as though you were doing it for the first time, go through the process.

5) You acknowledge that what you need in your life is a Mr Gibbs, like my horse, just a good solid forgiving, un spooky gelding, and you get someone to help you look.

------------------------------------------------------------

Well that's what worked for this broken older rerider, made a mess of myself 10 months ago, coming off the horse I should never have bought, and now I am back to having fun on horse back again, thanks to the program, a couple of great trainers, a fantastic horse and a supportive horsey community both online and in reality.


----------



## Zexious

I say just take everything in stride. I was in a similar situation (though my injuries weren't horse or spinal related xD), and that's just what I did.

I did what I was allowed, when I was allowed, and as often as allowed. I am just now getting back to riding... You may find that you don't have any fear at all getting back on. 
If you do, work with some of the steady eddies you mentioned that are "employed" with the lesson program at your barn.


----------



## smrobs

I can't add any more than Denny (Golden Horse) already stated so I'll just ring in with my support. I'm so sorry that this horrible thing happened to you but it speaks very well of your character that you are already planning/discussing ways to get back into the saddle and enjoy a life with horses. BUT, don't feel like you need to rush into it to "prove" something to anyone, including yourself. Take the time it takes to heal physically first, _then_ work on the emotional/psychological side of it.

:hug: You can do it and I'm sending jingles for a quick recovery.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Golden Horse, Zexious and smrobs, thank you for your kind replies.

Golden, you hit on several key points, although I must admit that the "take it slow" part has never been my forté. Knowing myself well, though, I stopped taking analgesia after one week because I knew it would be better for me to feel and be quite aware of the tension and pain in my back. In my case, feeling too well too soon would only lead to me doing things before I should (I don't mean riding - I'm referring to driving the car, hanging a wash, or washing dishes). I'm a person who gets nervous sitting down and doing nothing (that's why I'm here online - to get my mind off chores that are piling up).

I also realize the importance of a strong core. I am big on pilates and am utterly convinced that if my lumbar and dorsal muscles weren't strong, then the displacement of my spine would have been much worse.

Like you have said, my plan is to return to the barn before I have been OK'd to ride to do some grooming on the smaller ponies. In addition to riding itself, I love the whole horsey-barn atmosphere, although it's funny: here in Spain, most riders my age are men, whereas when I rode English in NE, it was more of a girly thing. In fact, I think the reason I didn't go to the hospital right after my fall was because of their male "just walk it off" input. It wasn't until the next day when I couldn't get up that my husband took me to the ER.

As of today, I am not afraid to get back up on a horse, but when push comes to shove, we'll see. I think my fear lies in the fact that I don't know if I will be able to limit myself. I mean, I've always jumped and loved the wind in my face out in the fields. I'm not a crazy rider, but I do like controlled speed.



> You acknowledge that what you need in your life is a Mr Gibbs, like my horse, just a good solid forgiving, un spooky gelding, and you get someone to help you look.


I think that this will be the hardest part of all: not being the rider I once was on the type of horses I once rode, but becoming a rider that I don't know yet on the type of horses that I never really cared for.

Golden, do you now ride with a vest?


----------



## Clava

I think you have been given some great advice and I just wanted to add that I hope you heal fast and do get back in the saddle.

I have a friend, who although only in her twenties, broke her back a couple of years ago falling when a horse refused a jump, she now hunts sidesaddle! (she did wear a BP for jumping for some time afterwards, but I think it went when the sidesaddle habit took over).


----------



## Spanish Rider

Wow, I hadn't considered the side-saddle option, although I suppose it could make sense, especially in cases where the injuries are one-sided, like mine.

In the worst case scenario, meaning that I won't be allowed to ride, I have also been giving some thought to harnessing a pony or mini.


----------



## Clava

Spanish Rider said:


> Wow, I hadn't considered the side-saddle option, although I suppose it could make sense, especially in cases where the injuries are one-sided, like mine.
> 
> In the worst case scenario, meaning that I won't be allowed to ride, I have also been giving some thought to harnessing a pony or mini.


 
I don't think side saddle helps her back or is because of the injury, she just always wanted to learn how to do it and now goes XC like that. I think she's barking mad (in a nice way), but mentioned her as an example of how you can get back to riding and even do things that others might not


----------



## Cinnys Whinny

I am a bit like you where it comes to getting back into riding after a break of no horses, having babies, etc. I commend you for wanting to get back into the saddle after such a fall too, I know I don't have as much courage as I did when I was younger and I haven't had any spills that resulted in anything broken, just a hairline on my tailbone and it wasn't really my horse's fault as we got a stirrup caught on a gate latch and he freaked a bit.

I just LOVE all of the above suggestions... wonderful wonderful. I have another and that is to invest in a vest. I did mainly because I came off on trail when my horse spooked and my hubby forbade me to go on trail again without one as he dragged me to the trauma center....nothing was broken or injured by the way. Well, it has given me a little more confidence when I wear it which in turn makes me better for my horse as he needs a really super confident rider. I also like to wear it when I'm on my trainers lesson horses because they are morgans and very very bouncy in their trot. Just something to think about. It would also protect your repaired injury a little better if you take another spill.

Also, Thinline pads really help the rider as much as the horse. I used to get lower back pain really bad and my tailbone would hurt to during and after each ride. The tailbone would actually hurt for about 8 hours after a ride. I bought a thinline ultra half pad for Cinny for his issues, but mine went away too. It really helps absorb shock for both of you.

On another note. Last year we had a fellow boarder at our barn come off and she fractured a few vertebrae in her lumbar and cervical regions. She is in her 70's. She was back in the saddle in about 2 months. Although now everyone criticizes her because she STILL doesn't wear a helmet or anything ha ha.


----------



## Golden Horse

Spanish Rider said:


> Golden, do you now ride with a vest?


YES M'am I do, and it has become as natural as wearing a helmet for me, after an initial reluctance to try it, it really is OK.

If you have time for a read here you go

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/why-you-dont-want-learn-hard-363410/

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/golden-horse-bit-broken-update-346002/

my story.


----------



## hornedfrog89

I really want to say, that I know your pain and have a very similar story!

At 20 or 21 I decided to take riding lessons during winter break from College. This was after 10+ years of no Horse interaction. In fact, my only interaction had been week long summer camps.

Long story short, my third ride into it, the horse I was on spooked and I flew some 10 feet off and broke three vertebrae (L1, L4, and T12). 

I was out of the saddle for a while, maybe 4-5 months and when I got all cleared to ride, it took probably 1-2 years to find a barn and trainer that understood my HUGE emotional/mental setback I faced. I wasn't afraid to actually get back on the horse and ride a little bit (I looked forward to it!), but doing ANYTHING other than walking and trotting was absolutely terrifying.

I didn't realize it was going to be such a big deal until I got back into the saddle.

I bounced around from place to place for a year+. Usually, I quit because the trainer was pushing way too hard. Eventually, I found my home barn and I love it.

So in conclusion, when you are ready (physically and mentally) go for it. BUT do not be afraid to take things SLOW. You may find yourself not ready to do certain tasks once you're faced with them - if so, just go slow and steady. Tackle one thing at a time. Yeah, it was embarrassing so be 21+ years old and relying on a grab strap while cantering for several months but I got over it. And now I'm a great little rider.


----------



## Spanish Rider

First of all, I want to thank everyone for their positive comments and for not scolding me for such a stupid accident (I do plenty of self-scolding myself...). Plus, I don't have any riding friends to hash all this out with here (and my husband has been very closed-mouthed since the fall), and my trainer has to be totally fed up with me by now.



Zexious said:


> work with some of the steady eddies you mentioned that are "employed" with the lesson program at your barn.


*Zexious*, yes, I have already resigned myself to this fate, but I'm wondering how long it will be before my patience runs out. I'm 5'10 and feel ridiculous on a 15-16h lesson horse. My mantra will be "baby steps, baby steps".



> I'm sending jingles for a quick recovery


I don't know what jingles are, but they sure sound nice!

*Clava*, I think I might have been bitten by the same "barking mad" bug as your friend! :lol:

*Cinny*, what vest do you use? As for your comment about the 70-year-old at your barn not using a helmet, I just remembered that I never even glanced at mine. I'll get a new one to be on the safe side. 

*Golden*, I read a bit of your story, and your crash must have been quite a doozie. You must have nerves of steel. What vest do you use? 



> it took probably 1-2 years to find a barn and trainer that understood my HUGE emotional/mental setback I faced


*Frog*, my trainer is my age and has also had a come-back this past year after a fall on a rock and several fractured ribs. If anything, his attitude is over-positive and I feel I need to take eveything he says with a grain of salt at this point. I know I once rode quite well, and I saw a glimmer of the "old me" every now and then (extended trot at 2-point, a super-light half-pass, and cantering through open fields with a stupid grin on my face). But I am having a hard time defining what type of rider I am now and, realistically, what my expectations for myself should be.


----------



## Cinnys Whinny

I have the Tipperary ride lite. It takes a little trial and error to get it adjusted just right but once you do it's pretty comfortable. I ride dressage and trail and don't have much issue with it getting in the way except that I am in between the regular and long lengths so I opted for long and sometimes the back hits my saddle while posting.


----------



## Golden Horse

Spanish Rider said:


> *Golden*, I read a bit of your story, and your crash must have been quite a doozie. You must have nerves of steel. What vest do you use?


It was quite the event, my late father always told me "If you can't be a shinning example,at least be a horrible warning" 

I so do not have nerves of steel, I have nerves of wet noodle, it takes quite the effort to step on some days. I do though have a great coach, and a very very awesome horse, his story in my siggy line there.

Riding is an addiction, the only thing more scary than riding is the thought of not riding. The biggest thing to learn is to really appreciate the person you are now, and the journey you take from this point. It is easy to get frustrated when you are not the person you were just before the accident, you have new limitations in mind and body. Some of those you will overcome and banish them from your life, but there may be those that become your new reality, and the only way to happiness is to embrace those changes and make the best of them.

I have stopped being frustrated at what I can't achieve (yet) and just give thanks everytime something goes well. The old me would not have cheered and told everyone that I cantered 3 laps, while smiling AND breathing, the new me is darn proud of that. 

So if you heal as good as new, great, good for you, rock on, if there are bits of body or mind that don't quite shape up, well then you adapt, and you do the best that you can.


OH and teh vest is the Outlyne Airowear, I have medium length and it clears the cantle of my western saddle


----------



## Spanish Rider

> while smiling AND breathing


:lol:
Yes, let's not forget how important breathing is! I often forget to when tense.

As far as the vest goes, I have been looking at both Tipperary and the Outlyne. It makes me nervous that the Tip is not BETA approved (any thoughts on that?), yet the Outlyne does not seem to cover the L1, L2 or even L3, which is going to be a problem for me. I'll have to find a saddlery where I can try them both on when I'm in Massachusetts this summer.

Getting nervous because I have my appointment with the traumatologist on Wednesday. My husband is taking the day off to take me. Wish me luck!


----------



## Golden Horse

Spanish Rider said:


> :lol:
> Getting nervous because I have my appointment with the traumatologist on Wednesday. My husband is taking the day off to take me. Wish me luck!


Wishing you all the luck in the world, and we'll be waiting for the updates...

REMEMBER: Some medical people will always say you should never ever ride again, because they are not horse people and they don't understand why you would want to risk it.

Some of them will give you a very guarded prognosis, they do not want to over promise your recovery and have you shouting at them.

So what ever is said, you can either breathe a sigh of relief and say, "that's great" or if negative noises are being made you can say "Yeah, you don't know me, I am going to do better than that"

:rofl: I actually feel fortunate that through a series of issues I didn't get my follow up from my discharge until January this year, rather than September last, because it was only then that I truly realized how battered I had been. The Consultant kept saying "I told you all this when you were in hospital" Yeah you told me when I was as high as a kite on meds, because I don't remember any of it.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Thought I would humor you all... My doctor's appointment is tomorrow, and I am seriously trying to figure out how to shave my legs. I mean, I know I can't bend over in the shower, and getting my leg up into the sink is a non-option. I've been sitting here laughing at my predicament, when it dawned on me: hey, this is Europe! We have a bidet! I'm too tired to try it now, but I'll give it a whirl in the morning. I know it shouldn't be important to me at this point, but it's part of getting back to "normal".

P.S. When I drove past the riding center to pick up my son this afternoon, "my" horse, Canterbury, was being lunged outside. I just stopped the car and cried like a baby. The owner has called my trainer once again to insist that I keep him until I can ride, but it's just not possible. Or so I have to keep telling myself...


----------



## Golden Horse

:rofl::rofl: Shaving is important, the sense of accomplishment when I could actually raise my right arm far enough, and hold the razor in my left to get the pit shaved was huge!!

It is surprising the new ways you can find to do old tasks when you have to, Hey you could always duct tape the razor to a pole and have an extended razor.


----------



## Spanish Rider

OK, just got back from my appointment. I got to see my CT scans, and they were worse than what I had understood from the radiology report. The 3mm, 8mm and 9mm listed on the report were not the measurements of the bone fragments like I had thought. These are the measurements for the _separations between_ the broken bones. Oh. :shock:

Anyway, the pain I have in my dorsal area is consistent with another broken bone (maybe 2-3), and the pain in the back of my skull is consistent with whiplash (I thought it was impact-related). So, it looks like I was thrown up, which whipped my head back (with my noggin' saving helmet) before I came down. I have no memory of the horse moving sideways or of my going up. I just remember falling for quite a while (and consciously thinking "Wow, I'm still falling?"). No one saw what happened, so this is just me piecing things together. I was not alone, though: the farrier was in the yard, the groom in the stables and my instructor on the phone while I/we were warming up.

I have another CT scan scheduled for June 12, so we'll have a better idea of how things are then. The doctor did say that I looked great and was moving surprisingly well. I am so lucky that I was strong before all this happened.  

I am trying hard not to gain weight while not being able to ride or do any strenuous exercise, but my muscle is turning to flab.:-( I've been walking around the block every night for the last two weeks, and 2 nights ago I started with some basic Pilates floor exercises (just simple leg extensions and such).


----------



## MaximasMommy

Spanish Rider said:


> I am trying hard not to gain weight while not being able to ride or do any strenuous exercise,


You could look into changing your diet while you aren't able to exercise as much. I like to do raw vegan to stay lean. I can usually manage three weeks at a time, with a day each week to each whatever I want so I don't go crazy, and then I'll take a week or so off and come back to it when I feel like I can discipline myself for another go. It really cleans out my system and gives me such a clear head and clean body feeling. Some people NEEEEED animal protein though.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Wow, I'm not a big red meat person, and I don't really care for eggs, but if you take away my chicken and fish, I get cranky! I think vegan would be a big stretch for me. I am trying to eat more veggies while drinking a fair share of homemade bone broth to help with the bone healing.

I think I am doing well: no weight gain in one month while doing virtually no exercise (and before the accident, I rode 6 days a week and had pilates class 2x/wk). But things are definitely atrophying and generally not as "tight" as before... sort of like right after childbirth.  

Maybe I could do vegan every other day? Or a couple of days per week...


----------



## smrobs

Unfortunately, muscle atrophy is almost unavoidable. My best suggestion is swimming. That will allow you to work out your muscles without the stress of gravity on your back.


----------



## Spanish Rider

True. Swimming would be ideal, and I have already been doing some light pilates exercises that mimic swimming. We have a lake house in Maine, so I guess I know what I'll be doing all summer...

I tried grooming my horse yesterday, and every time he lifted his head, I swear I jumped a mile. I gave up after about 10 minutes... didn't want to give _myself _whiplash.


----------



## Golden Horse

Darn, I was visualising you lying in a pool in Spain, Maine is beautiful, but Spain.....


----------



## Marcie

Yes, swimming is great for healing muscles! I really love reading this thread. So much encouragement and good ideas. My back and legs all atrophied really bad when I was in the brace and I still get back pain though the legs are coming along okay. But yes, swimming came highly recommended by my physical therapist and also sitting on those big exercise balls. But she did warn me not to push it with my back because unlike other muscle groups the tissue needed to be slowly, gently, built back up. (If I did too much it would just keep strain on the muscle and it wouldn't actually heal/get stronger.) So just keep a nice, slow, steady pace c: Did they say if they are going to have you see any kind of therapist to help with recovery?


----------



## Spanish Rider

Golden,
There are only two things I don't like about living in Spain: July and August! Do you know how hot it gets here? 100 - 115ºF every single day, and not a drop of shade (and I'm one of those papery-white towhead blondes). I'll take a shady forest in Maine any day.

Marcie,
PT has not been mentioned yet. The traumatologist simply said that I looked good, ordered another CT scan and took me off the blood thinners (had a huge internal hematoma, but not a single bruise on the outside). My next appointment is in 3 weeks, so I hope to know better then. So, what is your story?

Well, I was quite happy to see your positive messages just now, because today is a toughie. I just got home from the barn after seeing Canterbury off to the previous owner's ranch (he's being retired), and I've been bawling my eyes out. It's unbelievable that the horse **** near killed me, and here I'm am crying like a baby. Must have some screws loose, too. Feel like a bigger whimp than I thought I was.

Anyway, as an oficial good-bye, here's a photo of my now ex-horse, Canterbury 5 (not me - that's my trainer):


----------



## smrobs

:hug: Not crazy at all to feel a strong attachment to him even though he hurt you. If he had done it purposefully then it might be different but what happened wasn't done with malice on his part and it wasn't his, or your, fault...it just happened.

So don't feel like you're crazy and don't be ashamed of the tears.


----------



## Golden Horse

Lol, my husband couldn't believe I was crying as I loaded Big Ben, "that horse nearly killed you, why are you crying" in my case it was guilt, failure, and other stuff all mixed up.

As to Spain, we were intending to move there, but lousy geography meant we ended up here in Saskatchewan, still not sure if these interminable Arctic like winters are better than a couple of months of Spanish baking! At least the wine is cheap in Spain, you can sit by the pool drinking Sangrias
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Spanish Rider

> in my case it was guilt, failure, and other stuff all mixed up.


Yep, you nailed it. But don't forget to mention mid-life crisis, too.



> you can sit by the pool drinking Sangrias


Nope, I'm a sit-on-the-shady-dock-eating-wild-blueberries kind of girl.

You can always summer in Saskatchewan and winter in Spain... :lol:

I had my first social outing today: my friends' son's first communion (BIG deal in Spain). I was actually able to wear my back brace under my lycra wrap-around dress, and I even painted my toenails, but I drew the line at wrestling with pantyhose. No way! My poor husband lugged a big fluffy pillow to church and then to the restaurant for my back. The highlight was being able to talk horsey to the village baker, who has 2 Spanish purebreds.


----------



## Spanish Rider

> [don't be ashamed of the tears. /QUOTE]
> Thank you, smrobs.:hug:


----------



## Spanish Rider

Now that my horse has gone, today I've "adopted" a horse at the barn. Well, not really. I mean, my trainer and I have decided that I could dote on another horse at the barn until I am OK'd to ride again. 

So, there is a new gorgeous Spanish purebred at the barn who is ownerless and for sale. The owners have to sell their farm quickly before it gets lost to the bank (unfortunately typical in our current economic crisis in Spain), so my trainer has taken the horse in. Anyway, he's mine to play with, while my trainer will be riding him. When I say "play", I mean grooming and feeding him carrots and not much else for now. He is a smaller stallion, maybe 15.2hh, so I feel like he will be more manageable for me, although the grooms will be doing all the harnessing and leading for now.

I'm just looking for something to keep my spirits up and mind occupied. Plus, I find that the circular curry-combing movements are good for my dorsal muscles, while not being too much of a strain for my lumbar area. I can't wait to get my hands on that mane of his - amazingly long! Do I sound like I'm in love already?


----------



## Golden Horse

Stay safe and enjoy the equine therapy :wink:


ETA, pictures, must post pictures


----------



## Spanish Rider

Today has not been a good day.

I started the day by shampooing _Espigado_, the horse that my trainer offered me to dote on. I have decided that he is too much for me to handle and that I am done with him. I have groomed him the last 3 mornings: the first day went fine, and took me half an hour to get the knots out of his mane from some long-forgotten braids; the second day, he reared when the farrier's van backed up to the barn while I was grooming him; and, today he reared while getting hosed down after his shampoo. NOT for me. Every time he gets a bit nervous, I jump a mile and really hurt myself today so as not to get stuck between a wall and a nervous, slippery Espigado. Done, done, done.

This is not the type of equine therapy that my head needs right now. I am borderline-depressed as it is already, and I need positive reinforcement by doing things I am capable of, and not being constantly reminded of all the things I now cannot do and may never be able to do again. At one point, one of our Moroccan grooms (sweetest guy ever) got nervous and lent me a hand, and I ended the session on the verge of tears. Very, very DONE. 

I will stay away from the barn this week to give myself a mental break. And, I know that at some point I need to have a serious discussion with my trainer, but it will not be a pretty one. He is a very positive person, but I think that he needs to have more realistic expectations of me. I am not a person who walks around and complains (perhaps I should do so), so I think people see me as being more healed than I really am. I cannot be expected to do what I did before, and I really do need baby steps to keep myself sane.

I also feel like I've hit a wall in my recovery because I have had no physical improvement in more than a week, and this afternoon I pivoted on my right foot and most definitely pinched something. NOT a good day.

Anyhoo, here's a photo of Espigado after his bath. As you can see, I cannot bend far enough to groom him below the knees/hocks:

(P.S. Positive feedback will most definitely be appreciated!)


----------



## smrobs

:hug: I'm so sorry that it didn't work out with that guy. I think it is a very good idea to have a long talk with your trainer to establish goals that he understands. Don't get discouraged though, it will get better, I promise.


----------



## Spanish Rider

:happydance:Hooray! Thank you, smrobs, for not calling me a whiner!


----------



## Golden Horse

This is why my guy is called The Awesome Mr Gibbs, he is just a plain ordinary Quarter Horse to everyone else, but to me right now he is priceless, because he isn't scary.

Cut yourself a break, I'm sure a lot of us were worried about the idea of an Andi stallion being your therapy horse, but hoped your trainer had chosen you a good one, sounds like he is several steps down the road. You need to start all and work on up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Spanish Rider

> sounds like he is several steps down the road


My thoughts exactly. I'm done with the whole kit and caboodle, for now.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Had a chat with the trainer yesterday evening and again this morning at the barn. I am now grooming 2 bombproof school horses: two mares, a mother and daughter. They both belong to the riding camp program, so they are both very calm. Actually, the mother was the first horse I rode back on March 1. It's incredible how much has happened in just 3 months! :shock:

Anyway, I told my trainer, without blubbering, that I felt as if I had been fooling myself by thinking that I was ready to ride so much horse (meaning size and level of riding) so quickly. He said he wouldn't have let me on Canterbury if he had thought so. He once again apologized because he thinks the accident was all his fault as he suspects C had been overfed. He did also say that when he rode C after the accident, there were a couple of days when the horse was "off", so I am glad that I decided not to keep him.

So, now I will be doting on Dama and Dora for the next couple of weeks until I go to Boston with the kids to visit my family. Then I'll be horseless for 2 months! Have to start all over again in September.


----------



## Golden Horse

Spanish Rider said:


> Anyway, I told my trainer, without blubbering, that I felt as if I had been fooling myself by thinking that I was ready to ride so much horse (meaning size and level of riding) so quickly.


OH well done! No seriously well done, I have spent so much time blubbering in front of my trainer I can't count I'm impressed when people can get through these hard conversations without melting.

Sounds like you have a better plan now, I hope that Dama and Dora work their magic for you and help you along the first steps of the journey back, it could be that the timing works well for you, you will know after an enforced 2 month break if you want to go back to the horses or stay away, absence makes things clearer I find.


----------



## Spanish Rider

> I'm impressed when people can get through these hard conversations without melting.


That's because I tend to do the crying on my own, and after these last 6 weeks I'm pretty much spent. He has seen me cry plenty, though, but not recently. He might be sick of me, but he can't judge: _he_ was the one who did all the crying when he found me on my back in the outdoor ring unable to get up...

So, I groomed Dama yesterday and today. Still haven't dealt with Dora - two horses are still too much, but I'll work up to it.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Just an update:

After 8 weeks, I am now almost pain free. I mean, breathing, walking and just plain living now cause me no pain, but it's not like I have been doing anything physical. It's nice, though.

I have been going to the barn just a few times a week to groom, and my husband is not too keen on it. I don't really know if it's the horses themselves, or the grudge I believe he holds against the trainer. 

Anyway, the mares were in an early lesson yesterday, so I was given an older gelding to groom, Douglas. So cute. The first horsey-love that I've had since my gelding left (the mares are very stoic). God, I re-read my messages and I sound like a 2-year-old!

A question: whenever I get around anything over 16hh, I get nauseous. What to do?


----------



## becky61

Glad that you were able to find more suitable horse,I also got back into riding after long absence. I did take a few lessons then bought an OTTB from trainer that was awesome. He passed away several years ago,and my son-in-law got me several horses before I found my current horse. Sundance is a 7 year old TW gelding,has been trail rode and he doesn't create any problems I can't handle. The only problem I have that is minor is that I have to use something to stand on to get on him at times-he doesn't like mounting block but stump,truck or picnic table is fine. If I was in better shape with less weight I could mount him from ground. Keep at what you are doing and take it slow and easy.


----------



## Golden Horse

What do you do if you get nauseous around tall horses? Stick to short ones for now! Seriously don't push it, let it come, be as close as is comfortable, you will find that things will improve.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Spanish Rider

> several horses before I found my current horse


So glad that you _did_ find the right horse. I'm afraid of making the wrong choices in the future and then finding out the hard (and painful) way!





> What do you do if you get nauseous around tall horses? Stick to short ones for now!


I know, seems so obvious, right? But it's good for me to hear from others that it is OK.



Overdid it yesterday. Back in the backbrace today...:evil:


----------



## smrobs

:hug: Hope you get to feeling better quickly and you don't have to stay in the back brace for long.

It's absolutely okay to stick with short horses for now. Even the most confident/experienced horsemen can be intimidated by a horse that is larger than they are accustomed to handling. Stick with what makes you comfortable. Comfort with taller and less docile horses will come with time.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Had a follow-up visit with the traumatologist today, which was very positive. It's hard to believe how well I've healed in not even two months. I got the OK to start exercising again, but no bouncing or impact exercises (e.g. no riding) or heavy lifting until September. Whoo-hoo!


----------



## Golden Horse

Now is the time to make haste slowly, exercise following the guidelines treat yourself like a horse coming off of box rest, work up to it!

So glad that everything is looking good, out bodies are amazing aren't they


----------



## Spanish Rider

> our bodies are amazing aren't they?


Yes, but it's also amazing how quickly my waistline has disappeared after two months of no riding.:-(


----------



## oobiedoo

Haha, Golden horse, that's like exactly what I told my friend Amy, who had surgery 2 weeks ago for aLl fracture. I said if you were one of your horses you would have you on stall rest and hand walking and pain meds until the vet cleared you for more.
I can tell she's going to be very nervous, afraid too from things she saying now. I would be too, it takes a lot of time to get back to where you were.


----------



## Bondre

Spanish Rider, update please? I just found this thread when trawling for spanish forum members (I live in rural Albacete). Are you back to riding? Have you found a suitable horse? Hope to hear good news, saludos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Spanish Rider

*Update*

This post is an update, as I think I owe all of my forum supporters and excellent advice givers at least that much.

My last post was in June, when I went to the States to spend the summer with family in Massachusetts and Maine. My boys (14 and 11) were absolute dears, lifting all the suitcases and not letting me lift a finger. I don't believe I have mentioned it, but being young and seeing your mother in this condition takes its toll, too. I have wonderfully caring children, and I hated myself every day for putting them in that position. The anxiety in my 11-year-old's eyes was just too much.

While on vacation, I kept up with some light pilates exercises and took advantage of our lake. Now, let me say that, although water supports you and puts less strain on the joints, it also creates resistance. While I had no problems walking on land and moving my legs through the air, after about 30 seconds of simply walking in the water, I had had it! It also made me feel quite unbalanced, so I reverted to using a "water noodle" under my chest, just like my 90-year-old aunt! Needless to say, I did not have the best self-image at the time (think "manatee").:lol:

Anyhoo, by September, I was gaining strength and confidence in the water, and one day while swimming I turned in the water from my back to my front without thinking, as any healthy swimmer would do. My upper body turned, but with the added resistance of the water, my legs and hips simply stayed put. I honestly had the sensation of breaking in half, saw lights and darkness both at the same time, with a flash of excrutiating pain. I have not been swimming since.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Back in Spain in mid-September, I started with private pilates classes at my home. I was in no shape to follow a standard group class, and my instructor has been very good at starting out small and focusing on keeping my back straight (i.e. no torsion). We started using a pilates roller, which is like a big, fat noodle, and that has worked wonders. Here a photo (not me!) so you can see what I mean.









This position is awesome for alignment, while loosening fascia tension. Love, love.

After the swimming incident mentioned in the previous post, I had several scary nerve pinches that left me thinking that that was my new permanent state: weak and afraid of turning or lifting anything. Needless to say, I did not go near the barn. Actually, by this point, I knew that horses were out of the question and I knew that by returning my horse to the previous owner I had done the right thing. Horses were a thing of the past.

So, I focused on getting strong and working on my natural "corset". My theory was that building my muscle strength would hopefully keep me aligned and, sure enough, it has been working! I have not had any of those nerve pinches since October. By November, I was lifting the laundry basket, and by December I was lifting groceries. Hooray for me!


----------



## Spanish Rider

So, now that my body was finally on the mend after 8 months, my brain suddenly kicked in. Since I had spent so much time concentrating on pilates, not falling, not twisting or bending, I guess my mind was quite occupied. But, as soon as I felt physically fine (late December), all the old horsey feelings started coming back. I felt ridiculous, almost obsessive. Where was my composure and self control? I started stopping by the barn, talking to fellow riders and my trainer.

Over Christmas vacation, with no school or activities to run the boys to, I had extra time to self analyze. I did a lot of reading on the internet. I read about the gravity of horses, and I believe it's true - they have this pull, this draw in my life. I am truly happy on a horse, and it is the only thing in my life that is all about me. I realized that if I was thinking about riding every day, it was for a reason. It was around then that I heard someone quote a soldier on the radio: Fear does not keep you alive; it keeps you from living." That became my mantra.










I am a very visual person. My memory is very visual, somewhat photographic, and I tend to replay certain images in my head over and over again. I do it all the time, even while driving. I realized that I had to replace the negative images in my head from the accident with positive ones. And, although this may sound ridiculous, I creating a "Riding Inspiration" board for myself on Pinterest. My first pin (above) was this poster I made for myself with a Spanish PRE in a field wth olive trees, which looks exactly like where I ride. I created a sort of "dreamboard": photos of horses, braiding, a new riding hat, all intersperse with inspirational quotes. It may sound a bit infantile, but these things work for me. Some people write lists; I look at images, either in a book or on a screen or in my head. This has helped me substitute the negative accident images with positive ones.

At New Year's, my resolution was that I would ride again, if only once.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Mid-January, I started going to the barn more often, brushing the lesson horses and watching other riders. I tried to visualize myself riding like them, but it's hard to do when they're so much younger than I am.

I had this mounting internal tension: when to ride? I felt like a volcano that was going to erupt, but I couldn't make a decision. Just thinking about putting my foot in the stirrup made me feel sick.

There is a college student, Mónica, who often rides the camp horses to work them in the off-season, but she had not been around for awhile. I thought nothing of it, until I met up with her at the barn last week. It turns out that she had a motorcycle accident in November and had not been able to ride due to roadburn on one side of her body. She couldn't even fit her foot into boots until two weeks ago. She was great to talk to, very inspiring, and I started helping her brush and saddle up the lesson horses so she could work them.

After just 2 days, I was obsessed. I knew I had to set a date. Just like smokers who are recommended to set a "quit date", I needed to set myself a "ride date". I needed to "just do it" and get over it. If it hurt too much, I knew I could never ride again, but at least my mind would be at ease, at least I would know that I had tried.

After watching Mónica ride on Friday, I bit the bullet and set a date with my trainer: February 3rd. I spent the next 3 days feeling excited and nauseous all at the same time. And, as the day approached, I had that horribly anxious feeling like before going in for surgery. I tried to reason wth myself: surgery is completely out of my hands, but when when I ride, I am in control. I was not convinced.


----------



## Spanish Rider

So, yesterday morning, I made myself eat something, and was off to the barn. I had set the whole morning aside so I would not feel pressured. I sat and chit-chatted with my trainer as he did paperwork to take my mind off what I was about to do. I "visited" several of my favorite horses, who nickered and calmed me down more than anything else could.

My trainer asked me what my goal was for the lesson. My response? "Not to kill myself.":lol: We then decided that a reasonable goal would be to get in the saddle, but if I just stood on the mounting block and put my toe in the stirrup, that was OK, too. And, if at any time I had pain, I was getting straight down.

As a groom saddled up the horse I was going to ride, I still wasn't sure if I could bring myself to get on. At the mounting block, I started stroking the mare's neck, who snorted because she was already bored with my hesitance and wanted to get moving. That made me laugh out loud, at her and at myself. Then, my trainer said firmly, "up you go!" The moment of truth had come. I can no longer lift my foot high enough, so I had to put my toe in the stirrup with the help of my right hand, but I did it, by golly, I did it.


----------



## Spanish Rider

After getting my toe in the stirrup, the next hurdle was actually mounting. I knew that this was going to be the real test: putting my weight on my left (broken) side while swinging my right leg up and over the horse with the consequent lumbar torsion. And you know what? I did it and it didn't hurt a bit (I'm still absolutely amazed).

Then I was off! Actually, I felt so great that I had to consciously tell myself not to overdo it! I worked at a walk with circles, eights, starts, stops and suspension. Suspension was my favorite part because of that stretching down of the leg feeling. Yes, after a while, my lumbar region was starting to get sore because of the rocking action, but there was no pain.

I even went to the large outdoor ring (where I had the accident) and tried posting. It was absolutely liberating, and all I could do was smile, giggle, and laugh out loud. My trainer was happy to see me in the saddle again (I rode more than an hour) and said that my posture/position were still as good as ever. Sweet!

So, now what is the game plan? Well, first off, I have ordered a new helmet. Second will be the body protector. I have set up two classes a week, using lesson horses, and I will be working on basics until I get stronger. I know that cantering will be another hurdle, and I do not plan on trying it until I can ride without that soreness in my lumbar region - those muscles need to be strengthened first. I have also promised myself that I will NOT consider buying a horse until the fall (ejem, autumn) and, when I do, it will not be a hunter/jumper. Until then, I'm a lesson horse girl.

I just hope I can control myself!:wink:


----------



## Bondre

Well done!  

You've got past the worst bit of actually getting back on a horse. Now you know you can physically handle it and it doesn't hurt. Time to work on getting those muscles back into shape! I hope your trainer will keep you disciplined lol, and stop you trying to overdo things too soon.

Why don't you start a member's journal to keep a record of your progress?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DraftyAiresMum

I just have to say...

I shared this thread with a friend and she wanted me to tell you that she is super impressed with your dedication and will-power, and that she's thrilled that you are back in the saddle. As am I.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Bondre and Drafty, thank you for your support! Drafty, has your friend had a riding accident, too? If I can help in any way, have her send me a pm.

To date, I have now had four lessons. Although I initially thought that I should take things slower, I will admit that I did try cantering in the second lesson, and I was pain free. I do have some stiffness in my hips, though, especially the left, so I spend a good 15-20 min at the beginning of each ride without stirrups to help open my hips and stretch my legs down. I have also been riding without spurs to work on leg contact and re-develop those inner/lower leg muscles.

I will say that, mentally, I am a different rider. Surprisingly, though, my problem right now is not fear. Instead, my naturally positive nature seems to be faltering. Before the accident, if I was riding very poorly, I would just laugh at myself. Now, however, I am much more sensitive to failure (although at this point, how can I realistically consider my riding a failure?). I have lost much of my patience, get easily frustrated, and no longer laugh at newbie mistakes. In fact, when I couldn't get the bridle on the horse last week because she kept pulling her head up, I completely lost it, went for a walk and had a good cry. That same day, I sassed my trainer and told him not to tell me that I was doing a good job when both he and I knew that I wasn't. Completely immature and out of character for me...

So, you can see, there are still lots of things I need to figure out.


----------



## Spanish Rider

Three of us went out hacking yesterday, through fields and down dirt roads. I was tense and afraid at many points of the ride, but I really enjoyed trotting uphill while lengthening/shortening and then cantering through a field. Exhilerating.

Last night, though, my mind kept focusing on the negative instead of the positive, and this morning I woke up sore throughout my upper back and shoulders because of all the tension I had while riding.

Today, I could not get on the horse. It was just too much. I started hyperventilating and took a walk throught the olive grove. Completele lost it, then collected my thoughts and decided I would not even try riding in that frame of mind.

I am utterly frustrated and angry with myself. My reactions are becoming worse: more difficult to work through and totally irrational. I feel weak, which is not an adjective I have ever used to describe myself. It is also becoming increasingly apparent that I have no support system whatsoever to overcome this. My husband does not want to hear talk of horses (who could blame him?), and there's no one else.

So, I guess I'll just have to keep pouring my heart out here...


----------

