# Help! I don't think I like my horse!



## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

I really want to like her. I go see her almost every day, but it seems like if I miss one day I have to start over again. She is a grumpy mare so she is kind of hard to love in that respect, not a lover at all, but I at least had the fact that she was good under saddle to fall back on. Now after an accident in Aug and some tack changes, she had not been ridden in a few months, but I have been out there at least five days a week working on the ground. I have finally gotten the tack figured out and I want to ride again, but she just tosses her head and acts even more grumpy. I had her teeth floated and she was vet checked and she was vetted fine. So that means she is just a grump. I can get her to walk and trot, I am afraid to canter as we had only worked a little on that before the accident I was in. I tried a side pull today, she didn't toss as much, but she was not a pleasure by any means. I have only had her since May, but at this point she is just a hay burner. I don't want to sell her, as I really want to give her a consistent home. I don't want to give up, but I also want to enjoy myself. Any suggestions? I am at a loss...


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Sometimes Mares take just too much sensitvity from the rider. They can be really moody and some of us don't care to try and second guess why or how they are feeling at any time. However, that can be appealing (just as finding a way to charm a cat) if the animal steals your heart. This horse hasn't stolen your heart. So, her icky attitude isn't cute. 

Short of selling her and perhaps looking for a gelding next time, you might try something totally different. For example, taking her for a walk insted of riding her. bringing her into a small paddock and bringing in a large jolly ball and rolling it around. Or some balloons.

The other thing, and this has been in my mind with regard to quite a few folks who post about their horses kicking out when on the lungeline or during round penning. That is, sometimes we have to work the horse THROUGH the bad attitude. I mean people get all worried when the horse misbehaves and think something is wrong and think they should try something different. In many cases what needs to be done is to push through this outburst of resistance. Certainly in round penning, the horse may make a big fuss and even when asked to go faster, may still pin his ears and buck out. But, unless there is a pain problem, I want that horse to break through the reisistance and go HONESTLY forward, holding nothing back. SO, it may need to get uglier before it gets freer. Often times the horse has a complete change of attitude after being pushed through it's tantrum to the other side. The trick, and this takes a lot of expereience, is knowing when you have pushed past the logjam and it's ok to let them rest. That is important, 'cause if you just push until they up the resistance, and leave them there, you have only made the situation worse in the long run.


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## angelsgrace (Apr 30, 2009)

Hey i know what you are going through,
I have two very grumpy mares My fist mare Angel is anything but an angel,
It was the same work with everyday or there would be hell to pay.
And my second mare crystal loved people but trusting them was a whole different matter with both of them it took about two years to have their complete trust they can still a little grumpy but now it's never to me.
I've had crystal and Angel for a round bout 5 years now.

And though it was hard work see how they turned out Crystal is my Barrel horse and at her first ful sized rodeo she got third place she is not very sweet nice to any horse or person and calm enough to teach 5 year old kids to ride.

Angel is happy calm and sweet is up to level 4 parelli natural horsemanship 
And nice to all people.

Here is there back round if u don't think they r like your mare.

When i got angel she had been abused she would rear up if you tryed to put a bit in her mouth like you we had her teeth done etc she hated men bit me bolted , bucked, kicked etc and in the first year the least amount of time it took me to catch her was 20 mins and that was in a corral a big one but still.


Crystal was imprinted at birth by my grandfather and when he died and her mother and father were sold and she came to live with me as a three-four year old who was still green and had only been broken to halter and saddle nothing else i said broken but she was actually gentled.

So i spent a year doing just ground work all of it natural horse man ship and then i mouthed her etc she is now my best horse and can do anything u ask of she jumps 120cms she is good at polocrosse pony club dressage mustering.


Your mare just needs time and love and she'll will be the best horse you'll ever have.

Good luck keep me posted i'd love to see how she go's

Sorry about any gramma or spelling mistakes i'm in a rush
Also grooming if you don't have time for ground work spend time brushing her and just being really calm around her and making her feel safe


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## TurnNBurn625 (Aug 19, 2010)

i had the same problem with my first mare. she grow grumpy and tempermental towards me and no one else she would run from me in the field but walk right up to my mom. it would make me so mad. the final straw for me was when she bit my arm and actually broke the skin when i was standing on the outside of her stall. that was the final thing that did it for me to decide to sale her. i sold her cuz i was over the frustration and the fighting with her. but now as i look back at it i almost regret it. i probably should of worked through the problem and kept her but i didnt.
a last choice option for me would be to put her on Regumate. or something like regumate. although it can get expensive it does work. you can also try breeding her if she is old enough of not too old.


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## azhorseluvr1222 (Dec 4, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> Sometimes Mares take just too much sensitvity from the rider. They can be really moody and some of us don't care to try and second guess why or how they are feeling at any time. However, that can be appealing (just as finding a way to charm a cat) if the animal steals your heart. This horse hasn't stolen your heart. So, her icky attitude isn't cute.
> 
> Short of selling her and perhaps looking for a gelding next time, you might try something totally different. For example, taking her for a walk insted of riding her. bringing her into a small paddock and bringing in a large jolly ball and rolling it around. Or some balloons.
> 
> The other thing, and this has been in my mind with regard to quite a few folks who post about their horses kicking out when on the lungeline or during round penning. That is, sometimes we have to work the horse THROUGH the bad attitude. I mean people get all worried when the horse misbehaves and think something is wrong and think they should try something different. In many cases what needs to be done is to push through this outburst of resistance. Certainly in round penning, the horse may make a big fuss and even when asked to go faster, may still pin his ears and buck out. But, unless there is a pain problem, I want that horse to break through the reisistance and go HONESTLY forward, holding nothing back. SO, it may need to get uglier before it gets freer. Often times the horse has a complete change of attitude after being pushed through it's tantrum to the other side. The trick, and this takes a lot of expereience, is knowing when you have pushed past the logjam and it's ok to let them rest. That is important, 'cause if you just push until they up the resistance, and leave them there, you have only made the situation worse in the long run.


 
I totally agree with you. I am a newbie but I have learned A LOT in the last month or two and I was not willing to give up on my boy. We pushed through the problems and I say we because it really was both of us. He needed to learn respect and I need to be more confident. I got excellant advice from a trainer as well. I think you need to give her more time and try to work through the issues.


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

Thanks guys. I really do want to keep her. I just wish I enjoyed her more. We have been doing groundwork 5 days a week (at least I try for that) for the past three months. I guess I could do more hand grazing. This girl does love to eat! She does come up to me, and she is not grumpy at me, just others, but I really want to ride.  I wish I were 19 again with no fear!  Plus I wish I was not sidelined for so long with my injury. We could have been nice partners by now. Anyway, thanks for the advice and words of encouragement.


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## Pantera (Jan 25, 2011)

I had sort of the same problem when I got my most recent horse Nikki back in November.Up until her I have never owned a mare and always had geldings who were all pretty much the lovey type.Nikki is a grumpy old lady but oddly she's a dream undersaddle,never had any problems with her when riding,I mean she gets lazy some time or another but then again what horse doesn't?
I was worried Nikki and I wouldn't bond at all,but over the last couple months there have been some subtle changes in her personality.She's not as grumpy when I'm lovin' on her and actually comes over to me now when I call her.So all I can say is don't be in despair just yet.Some horses will take to you right away,some won't,it'll take some time for them to warm up to you.So I would suggest spending some one on one time with her.Give her a good grooming,try hand grazing her and as odd as it may sound:Talk to her.You'd be surprised how horses will respond to your voice.
Just know it's not your fault,it's just the way it is,horses can be quirky animals.


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## Buckcherry (Nov 18, 2010)

I have a friend who has a mare who is really moody when being ridden, she would rear and buck. And sometimes she would refuse to go faster than a walk. She put her on a natural suppliment for mares to regulate their cycle and balance their hormones (like a calming suppliment) and she is a totally different horse on it not drugged up or anything but She's willing and no more bucking or rearing. She even tried taking her off of it and she went right back to acting like a totally PMSing brat.


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## EquineLover (Jan 24, 2011)

Hmm. How about, riding out instead. She may enjoy the change.


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## Starlite (Jan 25, 2011)

what kind of bit are you using?


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## wannahorse22 (Dec 27, 2009)

I am not trying to be in sensitive or anything (I had a bad day) but that title just brought a smile to my face. thanks op


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

Buckcherry said:


> I have a friend who has a mare who is really moody when being ridden, she would rear and buck. And sometimes she would refuse to go faster than a walk. She put her on a natural suppliment for mares to regulate their cycle and balance their hormones (like a calming suppliment) and she is a totally different horse on it not drugged up or anything but She's willing and no more bucking or rearing. She even tried taking her off of it and she went right back to acting like a totally PMSing brat.



What kind of supplement?


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

EquineLover said:


> Hmm. How about, riding out instead. She may enjoy the change.



Ya, she does like being out. I am moving her to a barn with trails this weekend.


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

Starlite said:


> what kind of bit are you using?


Well I was riding in the a full cheek snaffle. However, the last two times I rode in a sidepull. Their was no head tossing today using that.


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

wannahorse22 said:


> I am not trying to be in sensitive or anything (I had a bad day) but that title just brought a smile to my face. thanks op


No problem.  Hope your day gets better!


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

My mare is a guy horse. Not just that she prefers guys, but she has the SOUL of a male. She is interested in doing things together, assuming they make sense.

She doesn't get all happy when I walk to the corral. If I don't have carrots and am not there to ride her, then she has no interest in me (BTW, I'm a guy). 

I've round penned her twice. The first time she had recently arrived, and she acted nuts. The trainer we work with recommended backing off the round penning, so...I didn't try again for a year. The second time, she looked at me like a princess who had been handed a toilet brush and told to start scrubbing, then she went and DID everything I asked. And as she did it, contempt was gushing out of every pore. After 15 minutes, I stopped from embarrassment. I then rode her, and she made it clear that contempt was still on the menu.

I haven't round penned or lunged her since. My wife and two daughters are both more into the groundwork, but they won't do it with Mia. They say there is something scary about how she looks at them if they think about it...

My youngest daughter was singing to our gelding as she prepped him for her lesson today. If I did that to Mia, she'd probably kick me and then make numerous homophobic remarks. She likes being ridden. She doesn't like being lovey-dovey. About every 10-15 rides, at the end she'll stick her nose into my armpit, press her forehead against my chest, and hold it for 30 seconds. Then she jerks her head out and looks around to see if anyone caught her momentary weakness. Then she looks at me, and I THINK I've heard her say, "Was it good for you too?"

After 2.5 years, we understand each other fairly well and get along fine. We ride. I provide food and water and clean the corral. She may be a mare, but at heart we are both guys. We do things together, and then we don't. And we're happy.

If you want a loving relationship, you may need another horse...or you may need to learn to accept her for what she is.


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

^^ Well said.


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## PaintingMissy (Nov 9, 2009)

My mare is notorious for being rude and stubborn and snotty. You just have to ride trough it and say "hey I am and boss and you ARE going to listen to me".

I remember sometime sitting in the middle of the arena stopping and doing everything I could to get that mare to go forward. Sometimes it just comes down to who is going to be more stubborn and get their way. 

I spent three winters getting her over her little "oh I don't feel like riding" attitude. Now she rides great for me everytime. Spend the time now and make sure she understands that you are not going to give up until she gives in.

PM


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I know I've said this a lot on other threads about the joys of Mares, but here goes'
It's an old saying, where I heard it , I can't remember. But I was told that the nomadic Arabs preferred to ride Mares into battle due to their deep "heart".
The saying goes, 
"A good Stallion will DIE for you, but a good Mare , she will KILL for you!"


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## riccil0ve (Mar 28, 2009)

bsms, sounds like you found the perfect horse for you! Haha, your post was a great read.

I do agree with him. If you want a lovey-dovey horse, you will likely have to find this one a new home. Each horse is an individual, some will want a cuddle and some won't. Some are grouchy little sh*ts and some aren't.

I have two stories for you. Ricci is my first horse. I met her because I was hired to ride her and get her back in shape to be sold. I did not like her. She was a challenge to ride, and just had a "blah" horsanality. And then I got to know her. She was still a challenge to ride, but she always tries. And she doesn't have a "blah" horsanality, she's just subtle. I clued in to her subtle signs of excitement, affection, and annoyance. I fell in love and bought her.

Gracie is my other girl. She is THE grouchiest four-legged creature I have ever met in my life. She has a near-constant scowl on her face, no matter what you're doing. I just had to stop taking it personally. She just needed a good whack and then she was fine. She does like to snuggle, but only when SHE wants to snuggle.

I have learned to love and accept both my horses for who and what they are. Ricci is not overly-expressive or much of an extrovert, and Gracie is just a grouchy filly. The moral of both stories is just like bsms said. Your mare is who she is, and you can either be okay with it or you can't.

TinyLiny, that quote is so going on Facebook. I hope you don't mind. =]


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## GreenTreeFrog (Sep 26, 2009)

bsms said:


> My mare is a guy horse. Not just that she prefers guys, but she has the SOUL of a male. She is interested in doing things together, assuming they make sense.
> 
> She doesn't get all happy when I walk to the corral. If I don't have carrots and am not there to ride her, then she has no interest in me (BTW, I'm a guy).
> 
> ...


Fantastic read - thanks for the laugh!


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## Crimsonhorse01 (Sep 8, 2009)

People dont get along with everyone. I think the same is for horses. My mare does not like my friend Megan. If Megan gets on she will pin her ears, ring her tail, try to kick her feet, bite her feet, and buck. Shes never like that with me.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

There was a time when I thought I would NEVER own another mare, after purchasing one that was a real, well, fill in the blank with the curse word of your choice! 

Then I found Isabelle, and to be honest, the only reason I broke down and bought her when I was really set on getting a gelding, is that she was so cheap, I wanted a gaited horse, and my neighbor promised me that she would take her off my hands if she didn't work out. 

Well, she is the most sweet, loving mare I have EVER been around. She is very affectionate, and tolerant. She came to me pregnant, which I didn't realize when I bought her, and then I had this little fear like "what if she is only sweet because she is pregnant, and then when the baby is born she will turn into a witch?" But it's been 6 months since she had her foal, and she is as sweet as ever.

The foal she had was my first (but not hers, she was used as a broodmare) and I spent the months up to her foaling sitting with her while she ate every evening, feeling the foal kick, checking the milk color to see if she was getting close, washing her udder, you name it, I subjected her to it. And she was awesome with all my handling. Then after the foal was born, she was very protective with the other horses, but still sweet to me. She didn't mind when I imprinted the foal or helped him find the milk.

And now, 6 months later she is still so sweet and kind. She IS a bit reactive/sensitive, a lot like owning an Arabian (she is a Foxtrotter), but she doesn't have that bad attitude many mares have. There are actually a few that I flat-out dislike because of their grumpy attitudes. But I got lucky and found one that is really kind and without all the mare attitude.


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## Buckcherry (Nov 18, 2010)

Dover Saddlery - Search Results for mare calm

Heres a few different suppliments, I'm not saying it will definatly help her but it's worth a shot.. I know it helped my friends horse a lot. I think she uses Moody Mare but they pretty much all do the same thing they help regulate their cycles and hormones.


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## Makoda (Jan 17, 2011)

My take on mares is that I like them more than geldings. For arena riding or short trail rides geldings are probably better overall, but for riding all day I have found mares to have more drive to keep stepping out all day where as geldings don't. That is what I feel though for overall mare vs gelding, there are always exceptions. As far as what you should do, its really up to you. I was once told by an older gentleman that owning horses was not like owning cars you don't get in and drive. Its a friendship or partnership. Holds very true, but I also think you can build a better relationship through work. Horses love jobs and really start to look at you as a leader.


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## kiwigirl (Sep 30, 2009)

My mare Phoenny can be a grumpy cow, at the moment she is living on our lawn. She makes me laugh because she will be dozing on the lawn and then if she feels that someone or something is disturbing her or getting in her space then the ears pin back and the tail swishes, one hind leg comes up as if she is going to kick. She's all talk! I know very well that she doesn't have it in her to kick. I trust her implicitly, she is absolutely safe around my young preschool daughter, the puppy, the pigs, the cats and the old dog. She can come across as a grumpy, moody strumpet but at the end of the day she is gentle and trustworthy and absolutely reliable. She is not a lovey dovey type either but she will follow me around just for the company, as long as I don't cross the line and actually try to touch her. If people are minding their own business outside on the deck Phoenix will come and loom over them and then get all snippy if they accidentally touch her. In some respects Phoenix is not the easiest horse to get along with but at the end of the day as I said, she is absolutely trust worthy, reliable and a great riding horse. If your horse is trustworthy under saddle, doesn't kick you or bite you, can be trusted despite all the 'big talk' then perhaps it is your attitude that needs to change, maybe you should let your horse be herself, learn to like her and let go of your expectations of how a horse should behave. Of course if she is untrustworthy then disregard my advice!


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## fess1960 (Jan 25, 2011)

You need to up your leadership, get your ground school down and if she does it right quit...dont hammer her with tasks she has already learned. When you are done for the day, stop on a good note, and rest with her for a while....leave her while she is liking you...not while she is mad or frustrated. Give her respect but get her respect in return...and earn it.


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## SidMit (Jun 4, 2010)

^^She isn't grumpy at me, she is grumpy at other people. Thanks though.


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## MHFoundation Quarters (Feb 23, 2011)

tinyliny said:


> I know I've said this a lot on other threads about the joys of Mares, but here goes'
> It's an old saying, where I heard it , I can't remember. But I was told that the nomadic Arabs preferred to ride Mares into battle due to their deep "heart".
> The saying goes,
> "A good Stallion will DIE for you, but a good Mare , she will KILL for you!"


 
Love this quote tinyliny! Made me giggle thinking about my big baby stallions and my super bossy broodmares...the fellas would step in the line of fire, but the girls would jump right to eliminating the threat! Either way I love them all


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## OffTheTrack (Sep 23, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> I know I've said this a lot on other threads about the joys of Mares, but here goes'
> It's an old saying, where I heard it , I can't remember. But I was told that the nomadic Arabs preferred to ride Mares into battle due to their deep "heart".
> The saying goes,
> "A good Stallion will DIE for you, but a good Mare , she will KILL for you!"


Ha! Love it!

(proud "mom" of a mare)


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## gypsygirl (Oct 15, 2009)

that is a great quote ! my mare would def kill for me !


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## justjump (Jan 18, 2011)

If your truley unhappy, you should sell her as a companion and get a gelding. Being unhappy will just cause more problems for the both of you. And maybe sell her as a trail horse? Who knows, it's up to you, but someone would want her and would keep her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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