# Addicted



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

are you deaf? I only ask because there is another new member who is deaf. Perhaps you might like to get into contact . . . no?


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## ApparentlyNuts4Horses (May 29, 2012)

Hi all.

I feel like needed to vent and maybe listen to some advice you could give.

I useded to have an account as deafrider something but I no longer used that email so it’s long lost.

I used to work for a 35 stalls stable for several years. I enjoyed it (and was in great Fit shape) and could relate so some of your horsey incidents and stories. I got good at handing horses from the ground but never at riding past walk and trot. I could barely mount the horse. As I have muscular issues or just too exhausted to tack up.would work 7 to 2 a bakery the. 3 to 9 the stable. The B.O became like my second mother. I worked off board for 4 horses. Roy, my first. He was a chestnut with chrome qh that I leased from a dealer. He was a mistake and overhorsef for me...but I learnt how to lunge. After one day he bronced bucked me off my b.o told me straight to send him back. I replaced him with Casper. A stocky paint 16h. He ran over a gate after challenging the dominant 14hand mustang who promptly told him who was the boss. ‘I’m glad it wasn’t my horse who did it’ my b.o said. I could only sigh and cover my face in embarrassment.. after the lease was up I had to send him back. I really wanted to buy him but they was asking to much. Just broke my heart at his face when he look at me after he got on the trailer. Good riddance, my b.o said. (He was kind of a troublemaker horse, oops) I was riding him one day, he was seriously more whoa than go. He snapped at another rider and horse as I got so mad at him and got him into the best working trot laps ever.. I bad buns of steel from him. 

Then there was Molly. The aging anglo Arab. She had a wound at her fetlock which I know now was a proud flesh. Struggled to get it healed. Wonder dust finally took care of it. My b.o was worried about her. She was getting older and not eating her keep. Why not try her she said. I couldn’t keep my grin of my face and told my b.o that I’ll take her on.. my fave horse #2. One of my best memory was At an apple trees In the field. She found me and kept knocking the bucket over. An apple fell and hit her on the head. I laughed. An apple fell and hit me on the head making me yelp. She followed me back to the barn and gave her a through grooming. I had to put her down after two years she couldn’t keep weight on and was going dramatically downhill after her best friend got pst. She was so ready to go. 

My story kinda started when I spent my saving buying and sneaking in a white eared conure parent into my parents house. Im popped into the pet store months ago and just felt an instant connection to it and couldn’t stop thinking about him. I was not even 20 at that time was was going through teenage misery even considering suicide. My parents unpredictableY never ending fighting usually leading to violence wasn’t helping. 

My mother wasn’t to impressed as Marley hated her at first sight often would lead to him latching at her hair or glasses with her shouting to get him off, much to my amusement. Unfortunately one day I woke up late for work and in my rush I sat on him and he died in my hands. Left me heartbroken for months. I got another parrot as a chick but we never clicked. A dashhaund I was looking after got her..no more birds for me!

Then I didn’t have a car as my last car had to be junked and no money to replace it.. I caught ride with b.o hubby and slept at Thier place often. So I could work the stables. I met my heart dog, Sheena that way. She’s still with me.

Eventually I quit working there for a full time hotel Jon and got a car and a brand new car at a good deal trade in.you could say I traded in for more. horsepower. 

I discovered wine. I wouldn’t drink before, due to my father being an alcoholic growing up.. but my moms bf brought wine to the dinner table. Got to like the buzz and taste of it. Now I’m and alcoholic and drink to much. I’m almost 300lbs and having so much physical issues it’d causing me family, work and financial issues. I haven’t been around horses in 5 years and really miss them. My weight is keeping me away. 

I’m starting to seek help. But I can not have a drink. I just stress out thinking about it. Also my father just passed away in dec 2018 from a car accident. Another thing I’m still heartbroken over. We have his dog, Kayla. Due to that be got evicted from his previous cottage and he moved to a cat only apt for some reason. 

I’d really like to get back into horses. I have a friend who have a qh/Belgian cross but about 2 hours away and he have a long back. 

Also it’s my dream to do a 3 days camping trip with horses.


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## ApparentlyNuts4Horses (May 29, 2012)

Haha I typed but timed out so went to type in my note.. yes I am deaf.


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## ApparentlyNuts4Horses (May 29, 2012)

I’d like to


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## ApparentlyNuts4Horses (May 29, 2012)

My forth horse after Molly was Lucy. Poor girl was ulcer prone. She was a starved t.b along with another mare. Their owner couldn’t keep up with board so she signed them over to the b.o..

Lucy and I never really clicked either. She was a really thin skinned Ottb and would snap. I’d buy the softest brushes I could find. I usually groom hard as tolerated. One day two gals was pulling mane. 
The poor Horse would raise his head sky high until I started to massage his neck and he lowered it. Everytime I stopped up his neck goes ‘don’t stop, keep going’ the gals sad. My arms and shoulder got a good workout. 

Seriously, everytime I lifted her left hind hoof. Her tail would go up then ughhh the sulphuric smell. I’d run out of the grooming stall gaging and gasping for breath. Everytime 

When i started working there they had a llama.i got tricked into helping to feed and water him by someone who hated him. (Coughs, beats him with a broom.coughs) I didn’t know that until later after I was covered in llama spit. He didn’t like me after that either. Now I keep a healthy spit distance free from any llamas.

They also had a mule. He was supposed to be a pasture guardian. HaHaHa, nope! All he did was guard the gate and made it difficult for people to being in their horses. And since there was many young people helping his training wasn’t consistent he became pushy. ESP with one mare he was herd bound to. So he got rehomed. 

After Lucy, I’m horseless and live through y’all on horseforum for my horsey fix


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## CopperLove (Feb 14, 2019)

Alcoholism is a serious and scary thing and you are brave for seeking help. If you have the will to get better you can, but I understand how hard it is when you are also struggling emotionally and physically.

About 3 years ago I thought I was going to lose my partner. And by lose, I don’t mean I thought we were going to split up, I mean I thought I was going to watch him die. There were multiple weekends in hospitals, months where I didn’t see him because he was in rehab, evenings spent with his mother cleaning vodka bottles out of his closet. It was ugly, and scary, and sad. But he survived and has improved his life greatly.

In seeking help with the alcoholism he also had to seek help with his anxiety. Addressing the anxiety was a big part of healing. I encourage you to seek help with anything else you might be struggling with in the realm of mental health: anxiety, depression, etc. There may be groups you could attend locally or even online forums like this one where you can vent or talk about things you love. You may already be doing this but I just wanted to include it. I attended AA with my partner for a while as support. Depending on your area this can be a good option. Meeting with other people who’ve had similar experiences can be a good way to build a routine and stay accountable.

For my partner, the only way to really break the cycle was to leave our hometown. We were from an area with a history of poverty and addiction. I had already settled elsewhere so after his health was stable he moved to live with me. We were very fortunate, I know that moving away simply isn’t an option for a lot of people.

Anyway, all that was just a really long way of saying that I’m glad you’re seeking help, and that you’re not alone and that there is hope even though things feel bad sometimes. I’m glad you’re on the forum and that you have a place to vent and learn about things you enjoy. If you are wanting to get back into horses, perhaps as you work on health there may be somewhere locally that you could enroll in riding lessons? Or maybe a place where you could get back into ground-work and just being around horses? Every area isn’t the same, but I was surprised by the number of opportunities near me when I started looking.


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## ApparentlyNuts4Horses (May 29, 2012)

Thank you for your reply.

My family fully understand your scare. My stepdads daughter is dying from liver failure from being heavily alcoholic. Been going on for a year now and might have another year to live. She’s only in her middle 40s.

I’m not as bad or same situation as her case but heading that way if I don’t quit now. But I understand my family and friend being scared for me. Doesn’t help that I have sleep apnea that’s i was born with.

Tried joining a flyball club with my Aussie/bc but we didn’t really enjoyed it. Was looking for something more like agility. She’s a bit aggressive to other dogs and chubby. 

There’s a horse rescue place near by that always accept volunteers. Been meaning to check it out. Should contact them tomorrow.


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## CopperLove (Feb 14, 2019)

Working with a horse rescue could be a very rewarding experience and you would get to help out with lots of different horses. That's a great idea!


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Best wishes and best of luck with everything, @ApparentlyNuts4Horses. :hug:


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