# Saying goodbye to my soul horse.



## LadyChevalier

I dont even know where to begin and it seems like every attempt I make to write about him... the words just arent enough. How do you put into words the loss of a family member that had been with you through every step of your life? Who was always there for me? How can i tell his story without telling mine...? This has been the first week in my entire life that he hasnt been there. I feel like in order to really tell you all about him I should start from the beginning. 

Cherokee, was born in 1983. A grade, sorrel, "poa" pony. At age 4, my parents purchased him for $400 with all his tack, for my older sister Jen (11). She had no experience and so he of course being a frisky, young pony, he tossed her a couple times and scared her. So he sat in the pasture being a puff for 4 years. Thats when I came into the world, in the summer of 91. 

Before I could even walk, I was obsessed with him. My parents once found me crawling under him, hugging his legs, and he never once moved or stepped on my fragile frame. I was constantly out playing with him or begging my older siblings to give me pony rides on him. By the time i was 5 years old, my siblings were all moved out/off to college/starting their familys- i was also an aunt by 5. I had no one to play with my age. My mother became bedridden with untreatable, agonizing face pain. My father was an over the road trucker and was gone most of the week. Cherokee was litterally all i had.

By age 6 my parents bought me my first saddle. I remember that day. It was the most amazing feeling to be able to ride my pony wherever I pleased without being tethered to an adult. And for not have been ridden in years like that, cherokee did what ever i asked. I had no formal training, and i never had taken the reins in my own hands before... I cant even describe that beautiful feeling I had that day.

Cherokee and I roamed the neighborhood for many years together, we developed this awesome bond and we did everything together. When I was 12 my parents bought me another step up horse... that horse put the fear of god into me. She broke me. Both mentally and physically. She bucked me off countless times, near dragged me, bolted uncontrollably, literally fell on me not once but TWICE.... I came to a point in my life that I was scared to get back in the saddle...

But there was cherokee... and riding him I got my confidence back. He picked me up and put me back together again. Eventually I was able to ride that nasty mare, and without cherokee, I would never have become the horse person I am today. 

In middle school Cherokee took me to my first 4h fair. A woman, mother to the other girl in my class with a show pony, told my mother that Cherokee and I would never place because he was unexperienced, older, and blind in one eye (an old accident with shrapnel in a round bale). Guess who took home the 1st place ribbons and trophies that year? And the next? And the next? Thats right, my little unexperinced, nonpapered, old, part blind, backwoods raised pony. Cherokee excelled in everything he did from regular pleasure classes, english or western, to kicking butt at games. 

As high school rolled around I semi retired him as I had a few other horses that i was riding more and more. He was used more for pony rides with my nieces/nephews. Or putting my friends on him that were total beginners and go on trail rides now and then. I also donated him to our 4h horseless horse program for kids who didnt have horses could free lease and learn to ride and show at the fair. 

Eventually he just slowed down into full retirement after I graduated and he became a lawn ornament. He never left home except to come visit me at work on the dairy once in a while to grab a bite of sweet feed, and then walk himself home. He would still give kids pony rides and give my older nieces lessons. 

A few years ago he coliced real bad. I noticed he was off in the late afternoon and called the vet. Vet was out and gave him a shot of banamine and some mineral oil and told me to walk him and keep an eye on him. As the night went on, I walked him and he seemed to be getting worse, not better. I called the vet at 10 and the vet came out, gave him another shot of banamine and gave me another to give to him later. Cherokee at this point looked to be in near unbearable pain- especially if he was not moving around. If he was walking he was ok, if I stopped to rest he would try to roll, paw kick bite... the second dose didnt seem to be working so I called my vet now considering my options... He said that at this rate he probably wouldnt make the trip to the vet hospital. He told me that if the last dose doesnt work or if he continues to get worse then it would be best to put him down. 

I looked that pony in the eye and he told me he wasnt ready... he WANTED to keep walking. So we walked. All night long... by 3 or 4 am he finally started passing manure. I have never in my life been so happy to see poo! By 8 in the morning we were past the worst of it and in the clear. We were both tired and sore but Cherokee was going to live another day. 

The next few years hes been so happy grazing in the yard and meandering into the neighbors hay field. He would come galloping up the drive way on days when he was feelng his oats. He didnt seem like a 30 year old pony. In fact on his 30th "birthday", I threw him a party. He wasnt a fan of the carrot cake but he was happy with his tub of carrots and apple slices and sweet feed. 

This past summer he thoroughly enjoyed his retirement. He made his bed out of moms garden, partiularly on her tomato plants. It was always a joy to see him greet me and hear him clop up the drive way when i called him for dinner. He always answered me when I called his name. 

Everything went down hill suddenly when after the early frost we had this past september, cherokee came up dead lame in all four legs. I had never seen him walk so slow. At first I thought it was arthritis flaring up or maybe he pulled something... but my friend came over and took one look at him and said the dreaded word... Laminitis. 

I called the vet and put him on bute. The vet did blood work- which came back normal, but had suspected the laminitis was brought on by having cushings and being out on fresh alfalfa/grass hay field. So i put him on dry lot, switched his feed to a low startch/sugar feed. He had no teeth so I had to grind his hay up into powder in my boss's feed mixer. Put him on supplements and medications to try and make him more comfortable. These past few months i was battling with my head and heart with wither to keep fighting or to let him go. For a while cherokee was doing really well and I thought we had a chance, but couple weeks ago we got a cold snap that put snow on the ground over the mud we'd had. Cherokee had extreme difficulty getting around and even being on 2 grams of bute a day he was not comfortable. The cold was coming. Sub zero temps were predicted. I talked to my vet one final time and I asked him to be blunt with me- he said at this point, it would be in his best interest to let him go. I knew that. In my heart I knew. Even though my heart was breaking, I knew it was time to stop fighting. 

So last saturday I borrowed my boss's skid steer and dug a hole on a knoll by the woods, one that overlooks home and the farm i work- I even got myself stuck... But then I spent the rest of the day with him, scratching him, loving on him, giving him treats and grain. I took our last selfies together. I had resolved to do the deed my self but at last moment I couldnt pull the triggger. I handed the gun to my husband, I gave him one last bear hug and kissed his fuzzy wuzzy nose, and my older brother who happened to be there to grabbed me so I didnt have to see... the big burly guy was sobbing too...

Cherokee passed peacefully. And then after some more final goodbyes I buried him. This spring I plan on planting an apple tree and some yellow roses there- his color was yellow. 

This week has been hard. Cherokee had been with me through everything growing up into the woman I am today. I had never known life without him. The barn is so empty without him. It so quiet now knowing that if i call his name there wont be an answer. Knowing that I will never get to touch him or pet him. Knowing that he wont headbutt me in the gut just cuz he can. Knowing that I wont get to pet his nose and have him wiggle it. He was a grouchy ham... if there is such a thing lol.

I believe in the Bedouin saying "that for every great horse there is but one rider" He was a great horse and i was his one true rider. I believe god put him in our family not for my sister but he was meant for me. He was not only my heart horse... he was my SOUL horse. I feel so blessed to have had such an amazing animal in my life as long as ive had him. My only regret was that he never got to see me have kids. He seen me grow up, graduate, get engaged and married... not many childhood ponys get to see their kid grow up that much. I love that pony more than anything and I know that he is in a better place now. Hes kicking up his heels in the big field in the sky and muching on all the sweet alfalfa he can, and hes waiting patiently for the day when we meet again. 

Here are pics of the old man.


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## tinyliny

beautifully done. you have truly honored him with word and deed. God Bless.

such a lovely pair of beings


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## Rain Shadow

I'm so sorry for your loss. I know what you are going through. Hopefully Ty finds Cherokee and they can run together

*hugs*


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## gunslinger

He gave you so many wonderful memories that will forever live in your heart.

Let your heart not hurt for those cherished memories are of the good times now past which he left for you to hold, until, you also return to that which created you, where, at last, you'll spend eternity together.


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## TessaMay

What a sturdy looking pony! I adore the picture of you two trotting down the road together, you both look so happy.


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## Walkamile

I am so touched by your tribute to your loyal, loving pony. You experienced what so many never will in their lifetimes, how amazing.

My heart goes out to you for your loss.


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## egrogan

I think you said it best yourself: "not many childhood ponies get to see their kid grow up that much"

What an amazing partnership you shared. So sorry for your loss.


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## EponaLynn

Beautiful story and I love how he's leaning into you for the photo )in the pic with you in breeches)!

So sorry for your loss.


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## tinyliny

*memorial sketch*


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## LadyChevalier

TessaMay said:


> What a sturdy looking pony! I adore the picture of you two trotting down the road together, you both look so happy.


Thank you TessaMay. Its one of my favorite photos of us together as well. In fact that was the day I got my first saddle and was riding him all over the place. I was the happiest little girl that day.


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## LadyChevalier

EponaLynn said:


> Beautiful story and I love how he's leaning into you for the photo )in the pic with you in breeches)!
> 
> So sorry for your loss.


I love it too, this photo was from a mini photo shoot I requested my photographer do since she was there at my home after we were done with our engagement photo shoot on our matching black horses. I was scratching him in one of his favorite spots, hence the leaning.


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## LadyChevalier

tinyliny said:


> View attachment 585090
> 
> 
> View attachment 585098


Thank you Tinyliny. Its absolutely beautiful. Very touched and honored to have you draw a special moment cherokee and i shared.


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## LadyChevalier

Thank you everyone for your support and words of comfort. I am truly thankful to have had cherokee in my life. I miss him terribly. Life isnt the same without him but I'm taking it day by day. My other horses keep me moving forward and comfort me when I need it. I also have the wonderful support of friends and family and those people that have met cherokee that have told me about how in some way he touched their lives. I never realized how much a little pony could touch so many lives. He truly was an awesome pony, and cant believe how lucky I was to have him.


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## darkpony

How lucky he was to have the love of one little girl for his whole life. Not many ponies get that opportunity! I understand what you mean when you say "heart horse" or "soul horse". I have one like that. I have owned him for 14 of his 15 years, and no matter how many times he tests me or frustrates me, he will always be mine. The thought of losing him or having to sell him brings tears to my eyes, and puts a lump in my throat! I am truly sorry for the loss of your special pony! But like you said he now runs free without the burdens of pain or age! Although he will never be replaced, I hope in time you can love like that again!


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## michaelvanessa

*so sorry for your loss.*

so sorry for your loss what a beautiful horse.
thank you for shareing your pictures.


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## jaydee

My heart goes out to you. 
Its not easy to come to terms with losing an animal we love but you gave him a long happy life in a home where he was adored, appreciated and cared for
So sorry for your loss


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