# Autistic 10 year old now terrified- suggestions?



## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I'm going to try to make this very long story as short as I can. I couldn't decide where to put this thread, but figured this is probably the best place for it.

I am 'half leasing' two geldings from a friend in exchange for keeping them tuned up and teaching her son to ride. She is an advanced beginner/intermediate re-rider who took a break from horses for 20 years and just started up again, he is beginner who has been doing lessons for two years, but as a form of therapy. I will call the mom K and the son L to keep things straight.

L is autistic. He is not 'severely' autistic, but he is properly diagnosed, in therapy, and displays all of the symptoms. He is verbal. He is ten years old, and has been doing therapeudic riding for 2 years, with the past 8 months being with him learning to direct the horse himself. He has always adored riding. I helped K pick his own personal horse out for him once he was ready, and the gelding is a lovely 12 year old 15.1hh horse who is very quiet and typically very tolerant...but he IS a horse and therefore if you don't command respect from him, you'll lose it. The idea was for him to have his own horse to ride during the week on the trails with his mom, and then do a lesson once a week. K also has a horse who is not a kids horse but is fairly tolerant as well.

Well, the boy, L got away from K one day about a month ago and ran to the pasture in with the horses. She followed him out, but not before L proceeded to run behind his horse flapping his arms, and hit the gelding in the face. The gelding kicked one back foot at him warningly and grazed his leg. Obviously the gelding should not have done this, but it was jut a bad situation all around and it was just as much L's fault for running behind a horse and doing that, after being told not to. That was all dealt with, the gelding was reprimanded, and we explained to L that he must never, ever run behind a horse or even go in the pasture when he is told not to, etc etc.

L is fine. No bruise or anything. He cried and was terribly upset but is not injured, though I'm sure he was very sore. But now he absolutely hates his horse. And it terrified of him. As in, he will not touch the horse, will not feed the horse, will not ride the horse. We assume that, because he is autistic, maybe he was more traumatized than the average person would be, and so we are trying to meet him where he is and encourage him, but he is now at the point where he believes that any horse, including the lesson horse, will "throw him off" (we don't know where he got this, as he has never fallen off and is actually a very decent young rider with lovely balance.) and kick him. We explain calmly that as long as he listens to us for safety, the horse will not hurt him. We always have his horse on a lead line when the boy is around them, and are taking precautions to make sure the gelding is on his best behavior. But L is still terrified. He works himself up and just repeats to himself "I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared...." until he's so anxious that you can't talk him out of it. 

So now we're trying to decide what to do. It appears that his greatest anxiety is mounting now, so I've gotten him a mounting block so that he can just slide onto the horse rather than having to vault up onto him like he used it. The horse is VERY quiet and will stand there all day waiting if you ask him to. I've tried mounting before him and offering to ride double with him, but it has not worked. Last week we finally coaxed him to get on his mom's gelding, who again is not a kids horse but on a lead line is OK for the boy (very well trained horse, but he is more sensitive so isn't a beginners horse) after about 30 minutes, by suggesting a picnic and using the horse as a mode of transportation TO the picnic. He seemed to enjoy that, but two days later when we tried again, he was right back to "I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared" and he still will not touch his horse. We are fine with him riding K's horse until his confidence back, but now he doesn't even want to do that, or ride the lesson horses.

The gelding was not cheap. $2400. He is a good horse, but must be respected and must be treated like a horse. I keep him tuned up and ready for L. We want L to enjoy horses, but he is getting worse and worse about his fear despite nothing going wrong, rather than better, and we don't know what to do at this point. Now we are afraid that he may be done with horses all together because of that incident, and if that is the case,a LOT of money has been invested in this for naught (they moved specifically so they could own horses). So now we don't know what to do.

I put this in the therapy board hoping someone with experience with disabled kids may have an idea. I am experienced with them, but I work more with physical disabilities and mitochondria, not autism, so I am not sure how his brain works, why he is so afraid now, and how we should help him overcome this. I really feel like he CAN, but I don't know if we should *a.* require him to get up and ride each time even if he is resistant, and just make sure they end on a good note, or *b.* let him stop riding and just encourage him to work with the horses on the ground. The problem with that though is he doesn't want to lead, or brush, or pet his horse or his mom's horse either. He WILL 'bathe' them by spraying them with the horse, so we've been letting him do that, but that's all the progress we've made. The therapy/lesson facility is basically just letting him do what he wants out there and this week he didn't even ride or really go near the horse- so we're not sure that's going to help us too much. Any suggestions? Is it best to slow way down and let him just be on the ground with him, or should we push him a little? I'm really at a loss here and so it his mom.

Thanks for any insight, whether that it about how autistic minds work, what to do with him and the horses, ideas for his instructors or for me, etc. At this very moment my approach is to make everything about horses FUN and hope he gets over his fear little by little, but eventually he has to learn that sometimes we get hurt or the horses do dumb things (who knows, maybe one will spook with him one day, or he'll fall or something) but we just have to get back on and keep trying. Last week we went for a trail ride and picnic, Wednesday we hosed the horses off and just hung out with them, tomorrow we plan to insist that he rides, but let him ride his moms gelding if he wants to, and do a short ride then bathe them as a reward- since L enjoys that. But it doesn't seem to be working as well as I'd like.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

No help but if he is in therapy maybe ask his therapist for advice? Maybe even see if she could come out (no idea how "formal" his therapy is).


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

We actually just thought of that too! She is sending an email to two of his therapists for advice and to see if they can talk to him during his therapy sessions. I'm not sure if they're able to come out, but it can't hurt to ask right? I have the horsemanship part down pat, the geldings are lovely horses, but I just don't know how to help poor L regain his confidence without being overly or under pushy!


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

I'm subbing to this, and will ask my mum. She has over 15 years experience working with children with additional needs, many of them with different levels of autism. I will see what she can come up with in the morning as she's in bed now. I think asking the therapists is a great idea, however, as they know the child well.

One thing I can say, after taking groups on holiday and having worked with a child with autism, I wouldn't attempt to make him ride. Don't force it, because you're more likely to end up with a very vocal child who will resent you, more than his mother, for making him do something he says he is scared of. Speak to the therapists, see where he is at with his sessions with them. He may be going through a difficult time elsewhere which is effecting how he is with his horse, and go from there. 

I would see it as a positive that he at least wants to be near them, but it depends on his progress vs how much his mother is willing to spend on a pasture pet.


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## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

My daughter is not autistic, but after being run over by a lesson horse, she had a very similar reaction (she was 9, so very closeto his age). 

She wouldn’t even go in the same pasture with the horse she just got, even though it was an entirely different horse and had never even looked at her sideways much less done anything to hurt her. I guess what I am saying is that his reaction is normal.

How you deal with it will be a bit different and I second working with his regular therapist on a process that she feels will work best with him.

As a side note, it took my daughter about 6 months to get back to her usual self around the horses----it felt like forever.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Why not encourage him to groom and just spend time with the horse. He may need to do this on his own time and not someone else's. Fear works that way.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Agree while I'm sure the autism is a part here even "normal" children can have an unrealistic fear (and adults) and work themselves up about it, so I would try not to overthink it too much.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I'm surprised that when you describe him as running into a pasture flapping his arms that he is capable of riding a large horse by himself. What about putting him in the cart driving with you for a while.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

I think you need to do something different besides riding for the moment. Maybe make him your "helper" while someone else rides the gelding. Play a game. Teach him to take apart/clean harness or tack. If he's capable, maybe try some very simple groundwork lessons that keep the horse at a distance, but still under control.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Good suggestions guys. We will try to back up and let him go as slow as he needs to. the last thing we want is for him to be done with horses all together. I really hope he can get over this but it will just take time and patience. 

Churumbeque he is highly functional, but when he gets excited just like autistic children, his automatic excited reaction or overwhelmed reaction is to flap. he is a decent writer and she gets better as time progresses. his horse is very calm and perfect for him to ride. the issue is that he does not want to ride now that he realizes his horse is capable of hurting him. 

I like the idea of ground work at a distance and having him be the teacher!

I dont have my cart or driving mare anymore or I would do that for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

What would you do if he was riding and got excited and started flapping?


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## gssw5 (Jul 30, 2013)

I suggest using protective contact. Have the horse on one side of the fence and child on the other side, get the horse to stand parallel with the fence while he brushes, feeds and other wise handles the horse from the outside it will help build his confidence, as he can handle the horse from a safe spot. If you have round pen panels I have found those the best for protective contact as the rungs are placed perfectly to be able to touch the horse everywhere, including lifting feet, without fence getting in the way. He can even get the horse following him from the outside if you use a round pen.

Additionally I would not force anything on him, cost of the horse aside, it is not worth stressing him out with the whole thing. Fixating will only make it worse. He most likely does feel very afraid. Just as with typical children you cannot tell them they are not feeling something, or should not be feeling something. Acknowledge the fear, there is no amount of coaxing, or telling him there is nothing to be afraid of is going to change his mind. Good experiences rebuilding his confidence will most likely be the best way to tackle this. By practicing protective contact he can feel safe, in control, and still put his hands on the horse.

Good luck.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Gssw5, phenomenal idea. No round pen here but the fence will work just fine. I will be speaking to his mom today about how we should go forward from here.

Churumbeque have you ever seen therapeutic riding by chance? People with no legs can ride so a boy with mild autism definitely can. The gelding responds to voice cues and the boy always ride with someone either on the ground or riding double with him (me. We weigh all of 175 lbs together on a big sturdy QH ), so on the chance that he does let go of reins the person on the ground will take over until he can pick them up again or the person behind him will. Will he ever ride completely on his own? Maybe not , but he can absolutely ride. His gelding is a lovely horse and we were working on refining the boys handling skills. But now we have a bump in the road and need to rebuild his fragile confidence.
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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

My cousin's step son, and adult is autistic. They live on a ranch and the men ride daily. The step son has no concept of mounting a horse. Once he's on, he's ok. He's been getting on a horse since he was five, hundreds of times, yet still can't do it without someone putting his foot in the stirrup and shoving him up. Perhaps that's the way he thinks it should be done and has locked on that.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

You've gotten a lot of good suggestions. Can't remember if you mentioned it, but would he try riding on another horse, maybe with a leader? Or is the idea of riding at all off-putting?

I definitely think I'd start with groundwork/grooming for now and see where it goes.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

He was willing to ride his mom's horse who is not a kids horse but will tolerate him, at first, but L regressed after the riding instructor at the farm pushed him to ride, and he started refusing to ride at all.

Yesterday I spent about an hour and a half with them. His parents want progress, understandably, as fast as possible, but he just doesn't seem like he's ready to ride yet. Way too much tension and fear built up, for whatever reason, about mounting and riding. So we spent about 45 minutes just gently coaxing him to mount up, that's all. He could pick either gelding, and get on either with or without help, with or without a mounting block. He was nervous and took quite some time because he tried getting out of it with many different tactics, but it worked well to just be firm but very, very gentle at the same time. I ended up telling him "I acknowledge that you are scared, and I am proud of you for being brave and trying anyways. I would like you to push past your fear just enough sit on either horse for five seconds, then you may get off." His reward was a 'picnic' with the horses just on the edge of the property, complete with gummy bears and apples. haha. He refused at first but I tried to make it where he didn't feel like I was FORCING him to do it. He had the option of not mounting. But if he wanted to go to the edge of the property for his picnic, he needed to push himself. And he chose, on his own, to get on!!! Even better, he chose to mount HIS horse, which was very, very suprising to me. We praised him and praised him, and he seemed really proud of himself, so we ended on a great note. Whether that sticks with him I don't know, but we'll see. He was more comfortable this week with petting and being near the horses than last time so I think we made progress, and he bathed them just because he wanted to, an also played "follow the leader" and "red light green light" with he and I leading his horse, and his mom leading her horse. He seemed to enjoy himself so I think taking this new approach is going to help a lot. Pressuring him just seemed to cause resentment and more fear, so I'm really hoping this new way will work slowly but surely. 

We're trying to make it where trying hard or scary things sounds like the better option to HIM, to obtain things he enjoys, like going out on the trails. We told him he could not walk along with us on our trail ride even though he wanted to, because we wanted to make it a goal of "if you'd like to go on the trails we need to ride a horse. So when you are ready to ride, you may come have fun on the trails with us and see the animals! (there are cattle, donkeys, ponies, goats, deer, turtles, etc to see out there) but also give him small rewards for what he DOES accomplish, and let him decide what he is going to accomplish today as long as it is SOMETHING positive.


I also let him watch me pick his gelding's feet and handle him, so he could see that these things COULD be done safely.


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## 4hoofbeat (Jun 27, 2013)

My son has high functioning Autism. He rode for quite a few years before he didn't end up liking all the hired hands and the changes at the lesson barn and he stopped lessons. 

Sounds like you are making good progress.

I wish there was a way you could let the parents know that forcing it will only make it worse.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

That's a great update Endiku! I like your strategy, and isn't it just the greatest feeling to see a kid respond like he did? Hope it continues to go well for everyone.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

His mom understands that and is interested in trying this way first, I think. But for his father, who is in no way a horse person and has made financial sacrifice for this, I think it is a lot harder for him to understand.

I really think if we can move slowly, even if it takes many months to get him back to actually riding again, he will be just fine. I KNOW underneath all of that fear that loves horses. You can just tell, in those moments when he forgets that he's afraid and acts like the old L. He just has a big hurdle to overcome right now. But he'll do it  the horses were saints, too, for all of this. His mom's gelding had a minor panic attack about the step stool as a mounting block (he's not afraid of buses and he's afraid of a step stool? LOL. Silly horse) but otherwise they boys were sooooo quiet and held stock still as he fidgeted around them, half mounted and got down again 20 times, etc etc. What good boys ^_^


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

As the mom of an autistic boy (very high-functioning), I just wanted to say that while everyone keeps saying you shouldn't force him, I would not let him get away with being too oppositional. Keep your demands easy, and acknowledge his feelings, but don't back down. It sounds like you've found exactly the right approach to get him to progress without making it overly confrontational - great job! Keep at it. He has to understand that he needs to do little things before he can get what he wants. The gummies are perfect! Little asks, big rewards at first. 

I say this because autistic children are often oppositional and this oppositional behavior often prevents them from progressing. With my son, his therapists just kept at it until they broke through the opposition and when that happened, it's like a wall came down and he began to progress and develop at a phenomenal rate. 

What this child will learn is that he can overcome obstacles and THAT is the most amazing lesson any child can learn. The next time something happens, he will know that he can get over it. If he gives up horses because of this, he is in danger of regressing. He needs to learn that stuff happens and life goes on. He is lucky to have you!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks AcadianArtist! Very helpful. That's sort of what I wasn't sure of- how much is genuine fear (I know a large majority of it is) and how much is just resistance to the idea because, well, he's a little boy. haha


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Can you guys think of fun leading and ground games for him to play v with his horse? Unfortunately he has regressed again. We don't know why. He was mounting at least. But now is not interested in that or in incentives to mount. So we are going to stop trying to get him to sit on the horses and just focus on games on the ground for a while because at this point he is starting to resist being around horses if he even hears that we want him to try mounting. Very discouraging but it is what it is  we are beginning to worry though that he may never ride again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

Walking around buckets in a figure 8 or serpentine. Going to things and touching them. Over ground poles, around a tree. Many visit things. Maybe toss a ball into a manure bucket


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## mkmurphy81 (May 8, 2015)

Scavenger hunt - find things to put in saddle bags (pine cone, etc.) or follow clues from one place to another. See how quickly he can name or identify parts of the horse and saddle.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Sorry to hear he has regressed  Autism is so hard to understand for neurotypicals. 

What is his favorite thing? With my son, it was trains. Devise a game where he has to do something to earn a reward. It could be as simple as a gummy in a baggie on the horse's back. Then maybe put some up higher so he has to mount the horse to reach them. When my daughter was leasing a pony and got bored, I would put a mitten on my head and make her come get it, then trot over to a pole and set it there as fast as she could. 

Does he get pleasure in rewarding the horse with horse treats? Could he be in charge of "giving treats" while you do ground work with the horse? Explain to him what the horse has to do to get the treat and then let him decide whether or not the horse deserves the reward. Of course he has to function at a certain level to do this, but he sounds like he could. Maybe then he would start to feel empathy for the horse, wanting it to succeed, and stop focusing on himself. Just an idea!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I like the scavenger hunt idea. We figured he could lead his horse on trail walks and stuff too. I really don't know why he went backwards from willing to ride horses besides his horse, then not mount, and now not mount any horse. So far all experiences have been positive minus the kick. We continue to try and be very patient with him but at this point telling him " you have to do X to get y" is now resulting him just telling us he doesn't want y. Even if y is one of his favorite things. So he has no real desire to push himself because he'd rather just do nothing at all than try to mount or ride. So we are going to just to back to games to preserve what is left of his love for horses and try working from there. I sure hope it works!

I think he would like getting to reward hid horse too. He loves helping feed them
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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Honestly riding isn't for everyone so while you don't want that coming from a fear place of course the fact in and of itself may be something to just accept if you think that's what he wants.

Of course if he DOES want to ride and is just scared that's something to work on.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

Trail walks would have been my first suggestion. Here's some info on creating a sensory trail, which might make the experience even more engaging (just think about horse desensitization before trying this with the student along):
http://www.pegasustr.org/programs/pegasus-farm-sensory-trail/

http://www.rda.org.nz/thearena/Resources/NZRDA Case Study - Building a sensory trail.pdf

Chambersburg PA Therapeutic Riding Center Sensory Trail

These are some pretty involved examples, but you get the idea-basically, take your trail space, think about things that would hold your student's attention while challenging him in some way- focusing on all the senses.

Also, here's a list of several popular therapeutic riding games. This is a mounted games list, but given your creativity, I bet you could turn a lot of them into unmounted games where your student leads the horse, you work as a team leading the horse, etc.

http://www.lessonsintr.com/2015/02/19/list-of-games-for-therapeutic-riding/

I also came across this game idea in an old Pony Club lesson book, and thought it might actually be really interesting to try it with rider with autism:
*Horse-watching:*

Using photos in magazines or books, children can practice reading horses' body language and expression: 
- attitude, posture, movements, facial expression
- eyes and ears
- way of standing
- nostrils
- tail
This can also be practiced at the barn, using real horses.

I wonder if you could work through an activity like this- maybe starting with pictures, moving to video, and then finally to live horses- to help your rider learn about horse body language so he might feel more in control of his interactions with his horse, and be more aware of potential signs that could lead to a kick? Without knowing your rider, it may work, it may not, but could be an interesting thing to try..


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks for those suggestions egrogan! I will pass them on and we will try! 

Yogiwick that may be the case, and we will eventually have to accept if he just doesn't like it, but I really feel like he does because for almost 3 years he has looked forward to his rides, bouncing around excitedly, talking about it, etc. He has even fallen off before and been fine. It is just that this kick has triggered a huge fear for him for some reason. And so suddenly he doesn't like it anymore and is scared.
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