# Horse insecurity



## Trinket12 (Oct 27, 2017)

My insecurity isn’t from riding per se, I’m not lacking confidence in that area. But lacking confidence in feeling part of the horse world (not sure that makes sense) 

I have loved horses all my life, and after learning the basics as a kid, I recently was able to consistently start to ride again (30 years later!). I’ve been riding for just over a year now, and have a good coach, who works me hard and I feel improvement. For the last two years, I have been volunteering at a therapeutic riding centre, which has taught me a lot about horse care. I’m also in the process of gaining my teaching certificate (another dream being realized of working with horses).

Financially I should be in a position to own a horse in the next two years (again another dream I ever thought possible).

But I can’t shake the feeling, of not being horsey *enough* that because I’m coming to this as an older learner rider, I’m somehow not good enough and I don’t have a “right” to be part of this world. Because I wasn’t riding before I could walk, I’m an imposter in this world.

All of this tends to overshadow my horsey time, I signed up to a lecture at my lesson barn on Equitation (more from an interest level than any desire to compete in this area). But now I’m thinking that I’m somehow overstepping.......

For anyone that got this far, thanks for ‘listening’!


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## mmshiro (May 3, 2017)

I'm 49 years old, riding for a little over three years. Last week, I took part in a clinic by Eric Horgan, an Olympic equestrian from Ireland who is now traveling holding clinics. I rode my horse, who had never been in a show and rarely ever saw an indoor arena, in a novice-level show jumping lesson, together with a teenage girl riding her show horse. BO talked me into doing this because she wanted a lesson buddy for the girl. 

Don't worry about overstepping. Go to your lecture, and enjoy it!


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## kewpalace (Jul 17, 2013)

I used to ride as a kid. Then was taken away from it and didn't start again until I was in my 30's. Got my first horse in my late 30's. Actually started to _learn_ how to ride when I was in my 40's. I would read and watch everything (live and on dvd) as I possibly could. 

I was NOT interested in showing. My trainer dragged me to a few shows - I hated it. He finally took me to Ranch Horse Versatility shows - that was FUN. Loved working cows especially and when they stopped doing those shows, ended up in Reined Cowhorse. On a 1/2 Arab. I felt as you feel - out of sorts and not with it knowledge wise, skill wise or horse wise. But you know what? Even though I knew people were not appreciative of my horse, I dove right in. Went to all the clinics. Talked to everyone who showed, talked to the open riders/trainers, asked questions and just went in with an open mind and did not take things personally, but accepted what ever criticisms they had; not that anyone said/did anything personally directed at me, but some people will take what a person is saying as being directed at them even if it is not. What I found is that people WANT to help you out if you approach with with the attitude that you want to learn. We all start at the bottom not knowing anything. 

Now that I've been competing for some time in Cowhorse, I am surprised when people come up to ask me for advice (I still see myself as a beginner, LOL). But I will definitely do what I can to help them out and if I can't I will direct them to someone who can help them. 

I would definitely go to your lecture. And if you have questions, ask them at the appropriate time. Talk to people after. You might find that they are more than willing to talk with you. And if some don't, don't take it personally, just remember there are those out there who want to help and go look for them. Learning can be really fun and you can meet some lifelong friends. Good luck and HAVE FUN!!

BTW, I'm 58 now.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

mmshiro said:


> I'm 49 years old, riding for a little over three years. Last week, I took part in a clinic by Eric Horgan, an Olympic equestrian from Ireland who is now traveling holding clinics. I rode my horse, who had never been in a show and rarely ever saw an indoor arena, in a novice-level show jumping lesson, together with a teenage girl riding her show horse. BO talked me into doing this because she wanted a lesson buddy for the girl.
> 
> Don't worry about overstepping. Go to your lecture, and enjoy it!



Off topic, but you should start a separate thread on this @*mmshiro* . Eric is a legend around my parts :wink:


OP, as you probably know, imposter syndrome is very real. I think there are a lot of adult re-riders or new riders here on this forum. I struggle with confidence issues with a lot of horse related things and feel envious of people who grew up learning to ride before learning to walk. I don't think you can truly develop the sense of "feel" as an adult that someone learns when the grow up riding, but if you work hard at it and are open to learning, you will become the best rider you can be. I'm no Olympian (or even trained by an Olympian as above) but I know I have gotten better in the saddle and in general horse knowledge over the past few years by having a great group of horsepeople around me. Sounds like you're very open to learning and developing, so sounds like you're on the right track to me. I also came back into horses by volunteering at a therapeutic riding program and found that a gentle and informative way to build my knowledge and skills in a hands on way.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

Mate I'm 28 and in the sammmmmmmmme boat. I have one horsey friend and you guys on here. That's IT. The horsey friend is one who I made from friend into _horsey_ friend. I am not IN the yard "gang". They are really nice, super helpful and professional. But when I am there they are all silent, waiting for me to leave and soon after walking away conversation resumes (this is actual fact, I am not making this up). For the record I have always been awkward and this exact scenario played out several times over the years. I can present in front of large crowds and can easily hold conversations but I haven't figured a way to properly connect with people on a _casual_ basis. What was funny was I was trying to avoid creating an awkward situation but because I was alone during my breaks my colleagues thought it was because I didn't think THEY were good enough company for me and got labelled as a snob >.< Lose/Lose. But it was a good drive to set up my own business and not rely on anyone else  People are not relaxed around me and I am not relaxed around them. Making real friends is HARD but I am over the phase of actually caring and have been for years.

I can ride well enough. But I am petrified of mounting alone. I have never had anything go wrong while mounting and my mare is an angel. And yet before I have to put my foot in the stirrup the world stops moving and I cannot breathe. Then I get on and I'm fine and the world resumes it's spinning. Sounds like a stupid little thing? It is stupid at a basic level. But because of this it is as if every other achievement is worth nothing though logically that's not true. I struggle to mount confidently alone = worthless as a rider, again, not true. But the ever growing granny in me is telling me to >insert expletive< and be selfish. Do it because I want to. So literally even in the face of terror I will walk into XYZ and do my thing. I have every right to breathe the same air as anybody else. You do as well. Forget fitting in. You're gonna be dead in less than a hundred years. Make the most of it <3


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## Boo Walker (Jul 25, 2012)

Just give yourself some time, it's only been a year. There is so much to learn, a million things you have to be thinking about as you work with a horse. I think as you keep accumulating experiences that insecure feeling will fade away.

If you thrive on social interactions, I would seek out peers in your age group who ride. Because you are older, the teen scene riders have a much different focus which can make you feel out of place.

I go to the barn to work with my horses. I don't seek out other riders and find chit chat really distracting. Because of this I'm sure many people find me odd. I'm always willing to help if asked, but I don't think walking around side by side talking away while the horses plod along is my cup of tea.

Somewhere between all the reasons people do go ride, you'll find your place. My feeling is that no matter if you're a weekend trail rider, a heavy competitor, or a daily trainer/schooler, there's always room for a new face. It's just a matter of knowing what you need and finding like-minded horse nuts!


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

I can understand where you are at. When I got back into horses, I boarded at a nice place. But, there were a lot of teens there who were interested in a whole lot of different things than I was. It had nothing to do with my horsemanship or how I ride (skills or lack of). We were just different and at whole different levels in life in general. I got along with the teens just fine but just a different wave length. 

I wouldn't worry about it so much. Everyone is at different levels in their riding ability. Some will go further and some will stay where they are at out of contentment. The only one who matters is the horse and how you are riding and treating it in that moment in time.

I felt like an imposter for quite a while when I started a new job in the company that I work for and had to learn everything. 18 years later, I'm an old pro. You have to start somewhere. Come to think of it, I felt like an imposter in life in general for about the first third of my life. I got over it and am genuinely enjoying every moment now. I think that happened when I stopped caring what the rest of the peanut gallery thought and stopped comparing my own ability with others.


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## Trinket12 (Oct 27, 2017)

These responses are one of the reason I like this forum so much ❤ 

Thank you all, this really does help. I have tried explaining this to my non horsey friends and OH and they don’t really tend to get it. 

I think we all assume that everyone else has their sh*t together and we’re the only ones that don’t, yet when we open up and talk to other people we realize that no one truly feels like they have it all sorted!


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## DreamerR (Dec 17, 2017)

I get what your feeling 100%! Ok maybe not 100 but maybe 75%. I was still kind of young when I came into the horsey world around 10. But not starting until your that age kinda put a strain on things when you start riding with the younger girls who have been riding since birth. When I first came to the rescue ranch I was 13. I was never really taught how to jump because my previous trainer wasn't a jumper. I would mess around with it, but not much and not properly. So when we were all having a group lesson and my trainer told the 7 year old on the class that she would be jumping 2 foot and I was still working on trotting ground poles, it was pretty embarressing. All the younger girls on my show team were in the grass arena doing 2 foot and up this year, and I was still in the clay arena doing crossrails. Eventually I just learned to deal with it, because I don't feel like hurting myself to measure up to little girls. 

Even now, when I know all the younger girls well and we are all pretty close, I will always be the one who can't jump as high. When they all want to go out and jump the giant branch in the path, I'm the one who has to stay behind and can't jump that high. When they all talk about how they have been riding since before they can remember, I'm the one who remembers everything and has less experiance. It sucks but you just gotta suck it up and get used to it


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

Trinket12 said:


> I think we all assume that everyone else has their sh*t together and we’re the only ones that don’t, yet when we open up and talk to other people we realize that no one truly feels like they have it all sorted!



These days I just feel like you can never get it wrong and you will never get it all done.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

As someone with a lifetime habit of becoming an "expert" in some very different fields, I can give you a little advice.

First of all, be fascinated. Yes! Ask questions, read, learn intensely, then ask more questions. Soak up everything. Practice practice practice, and then read some more, and then ask about whatever strikes your eye. Why is that horse walking like that? What kind of halter do you like? What do you do to make your horse so shiny? Be a wide-eyed novice, most people get a kick out of helping grateful eager newcomers. Use that to your advantage. 

What asking questions does, is it gets your focus off yourself, it gets THEIR focus off you, and, you may actually increase your knowledge. I say "may" because my experience is that most human beings are surprisingly incurious, and don't care that much that they are ignorant of current practices (keep your opinions to yourself about that, and keep looking wide eyed and grateful). There are only going to be a few lifelong learners in any group. Glom onto them! Be one of them! 

Second, keep a little horse diary. Just a brief log of the challenges you are facing right then, your successes however minor, things you learned, people you met whom you hope will help you or you can be friends with etc. This pays off down the road when you look back and think, gosh, it was only months ago I was having trouble with my diagonals! I haven't even thought about getting them wrong for so long! Etc. 

Essentially, try to take joy in being a novice. It is an uncomfortable place but it is also a growing edge, a live place. When you get to a place where you feel like you know enough, and aren't interested in meeting new people or trying a new angle, you'll start to dry up and go dull inside. 

Third, remember that the true teachers are the horses. They always tell the truth if you can hear it. People are full of all sorts complicated emotions and ideas that aren't even about you, that interact with all your complicated emotions and thoughts that aren't even about them. But horses are pure presence. Find your solace there.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

I realized, after re reading my post, that one of the things you probably want is to simply fit in . . . which is something I've never been very good at. I don't have any good advice about fitting in. I'm the oddball in any group.However after 60 years I am now used to it and it no longer bothers me.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

I'm with on that Avna.


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## elkdog (Nov 28, 2016)

Look at it like a potluck. When I go to a potluck looking to see what I can get out of it, it never goes very well. When I go seeking to contribute, it goes a lot better. The only person that I need to be better than is myself. Asking questions and being willing to grow is what (a happy) life is all about.
As long as my horses and I are healthy, happy, and (somewhat) well adjusted, what else matters?


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## Trinket12 (Oct 27, 2017)

Avna said:


> I realized, after re reading my post, that one of the things you probably want is to simply fit in . . . which is something I've never been very good at. I don't have any good advice about fitting in. I'm the oddball in any group.However after 60 years I am now used to it and it no longer bothers me.


It’s funny you should say that about fitting in. In all other aspects of my life, I am who I am, and relish my quirky nerdiness. At 43, it took me a while to get there mind! 

I need to channel that with the horse stuff! Thanks @Avna


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## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Trinket12 said:


> *I am who I am, and relish my quirky nerdiness.* At 43, it took me a while to get there mind!


:clap: And so you should!  It takes many people time to get to that though.

May you ride long and well, and may the sun shine upon you.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Not sure how athletic you are but you need to kick yourself in the butt!!! 

What I have found in life is of you are a total novice at something and feeling out of your depth, ask others for help and advice. Generally (and there are always the exceptions) people are only to pleased to help you out. 

Go for it, if others can do it, so can you!


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

@Trinket12 usually when I meet another adult that has jumped into the horse world like me (my friend included) I am usually amazed at their bravery. It is an inspiration to meet other people like yourself that are going against the grain. There are more people doing it though that aren't as obvious to the eye. And never forget - thanks to your actions there are now many horses and future ones to come, not just even the ones you'll own, that'll benefit and live better lives thanks to your continued education. And listen I think everyone on here can ALL AGREE there are many owners we wished would be open enough to look around and learn a different way of doing things. I feel like it is just wrong for me to have a horse and not try to continually learn from experienced people around me for _her sake, too._


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## apachetears6 (Jun 7, 2018)

Trinket12 said:


> My insecurity isn’t from riding per se, I’m not lacking confidence in that area. But lacking confidence in feeling part of the horse world (not sure that makes sense)
> 
> I have loved horses all my life, and after learning the basics as a kid, I recently was able to consistently start to ride again (30 years later!). I’ve been riding for just over a year now, and have a good coach, who works me hard and I feel improvement. For the last two years, I have been volunteering at a therapeutic riding centre, which has taught me a lot about horse care. I’m also in the process of gaining my teaching certificate (another dream being realized of working with horses).
> 
> ...


Have you shoveled Manure?, Lounged a horse that has colic late at night in the cold rain?
Fell off got hurt bad and scared but got back on again anyway?
Just what is being horsey enough, My Mare has done everything to me possible except bite me and Pee on me, yet we are a team I trust her, she trusts me.
Yes, around other more skilled and knowledgeable horse people makes me insecure but I tap their skills to learn.
There are Mornings when I awake with a start, get a panic attack worrying I will some how not be able to maintain and safeguard my Horses, I am at that age where I know these two are probably the last two riding horses I will ever own, I've owned nine altogether, The fear of an empty pasture bother's me not having horses or not being able to ride and take care of them, after the cold light of day, going out and feeding them I usually feel more confidant.
It is a Day by Day progress, Loving Horses is the first and biggest step.:runninghorse2:
Hang in there!


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## apachetears6 (Jun 7, 2018)

Avna said:


> I realized, after re reading my post, that one of the things you probably want is to simply fit in . . . which is something I've never been very good at. I don't have any good advice about fitting in. I'm the oddball in any group.However after 60 years I am now used to it and it no longer bothers me.


Fitting in, I do better with Dogs and Horses LOL I'd rather fit in with a Horse and a Dog.


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## apachetears6 (Jun 7, 2018)

Avna said:


> As someone with a lifetime habit of becoming an "expert" in some very different fields, I can give you a little advice.
> 
> First of all, be fascinated. Yes! Ask questions, read, learn intensely, then ask more questions. Soak up everything. Practice practice practice, and then read some more, and then ask about whatever strikes your eye. Why is that horse walking like that? What kind of halter do you like? What do you do to make your horse so shiny? Be a wide-eyed novice, most people get a kick out of helping grateful eager newcomers. Use that to your advantage.
> 
> ...


An old cowboy told me once when I first started riding, "Boy you are a Novice, until you fall or get bucked off then you become an amateur."
I have earned the Amateur rating up to the gold level!:cowboy:


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

I'm one of those lifetime riders. I have nothing but respect for adult re-riders and folks who started green as adults. it's a completely different game.


I'm also an introvert, absolutely more comfortable out in nature and amongst animals than with humans. 


Also, since I've been at it most of my life, I often find it difficult to explain what I'm doing, or to answer questions satisfactorily. Especially here in horse forum, I've often found the explanations and such given by re-riders helpful because you have to think things through differently than I do.


I sort of rambled on a bit, but I hope that was helpful.


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