# That Magical Bond...Does It Exist?



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

I had that bond you're looking for with my now deceased heart horse.

Respect ALWAYS has to come first. If you don't set boundaries and demand respect as the leader, you're not going to get it or any real bond.

It's true that horses don't think like humans, but they can and do have great affection for their owners. But like children, they need definite rules, regulations, and to know in no uncertain terms that you are the boss, will always be the boss, and they _will_ defer to you.

That doesn't mean your horse will become robotic and never have an opinion or a bad day. On the contrary; once they have the security of an established leader, they can blossom into the animal they were always meant to be.

Certain training gurus have ruined new horse owners by making them think it all has to be sunshine, butterflies, fluffy bunnies and lollipops with their horses. The _worst_ thing you can do with a horse is try to make it your equal. Horses understand hierarchy. Even with horsey buddies, there's always one who is of a higher rank than the other.

Once you've established respect, trust will follow. Once you have respect _and _trust, the bond you want is more likely to happen.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> Now I'm seeing that real, true respect is what's going to get me places with her. Will this lead to us having a great bond? Perhaps. What about you? Those of you who have amazing relationships with your horse-what came first? Respect, or love?


Respect always comes first. 
With stan we set out with respect and over a short period of time it turned into love. Same with Reeco, I established that I was boss, that I was herd leader and he had to do as I said first and foremost. You Having the position of leader puts the horse in a comfortable space mentaly, they don't have to be boss or be brave and someone is there to tell them what to do and what will and wont eat them, so my little 3 yearold who will walk quietly past tractors, articlated lorrys and ambulance sirens, he does so because he trusts me.

When I invite him into my space he is amazingly affectionate.
























But a horse will only be affectionate when it feels safe!


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

As for "Does it exist?" The answer to that is yes, but it is usually pretty rare. Like SR and Faye said, respect must come first. My horses are working partners first and companions second and they seem to really enjoy their work and the fact that they have rules and structure when dealing with humans.

At this point in my life, I have several horses who are just working partners and who I feel absolutely no shared personal connection with. However, I have 2 that are working partners and also trusted friends. They will both try their hearts out for anything I ask of them but for other people, they are blasé at best. Denny is virtually uncontrollable for anyone else but he and I get along perfectly.

You can have respect without love but you cannot have love without respect.


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## Gidget (Jan 19, 2010)

I believe it does exist very much so.

First off we still working on the whole respect thing. I believe my horse and I have a bond. I go out in the field and play with her and she prances around me in circles and runs back and forth when I call her name and has fun.I call her name and she looks up and looks at me and begins to walk and I call her again and she will gallop towards me but she always makes she she doesn't run me over.She also will put her head against my chest and hold it there. I believe we share a bond but we also have our battles.It comes with every relationship I believe.


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## Wallaby (Jul 13, 2008)

I completely agree with the previous posters.

When I got my mare, it was obvious that she had no respect for me or anyone else in her life, for that matter. I then spent a year just gaining her respect and then her trust, and now we have that "magical" bond. Now days (3 years later) I do treat her a bit more like a friend than I used to because now she knows the rules and follows them, whereas before, she had no clue about the rules so I had to be very clear about what the rules were and how strictly they were to be followed.

At first, I had serious doubts about whether she would ever be the kind of horse I wanted. That first year, I spent more time in tears after I worked with her than anything else (and I'm not an emotional person, at all). I felt like I was getting no where and that I probably should just give up before one of us got hurt. However, I stuck in there and now I can safely say that she probably is my heart horse. I love her dearly and I know she loves me dearly too.
Actually, yesterday I was looking at my senior pictures that were taken with her, about 4 months after I got her, and it's crazy how much has changed about her, emotionally, since then. In those pictures you can just tell that she's lost, doesn't know what to do, and is very much "shut down" by the worry in her life. And now when I look at recent pictures of her, I can just see the life in her eyes. She knows her purpose and she's pleased as punch with that purpose.
She's still not a very affectionate horse and I suppose she probably never will be, but seeing that joy in her eyes is worth more to me than any physical affection.


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## Gidget (Jan 19, 2010)

that is like my horse,Wallaby.
We are still working on respect as I have mentioned in my previous post.She is the type that will always try and test you and so we work on that but I have to say we have come A LONG way. She use to run away from me and now she no longer does.


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

I have often wondered the same thing. I've never had that bond with a horse, not my previous one and not Cookie now. I have hope that some day it'll happen but for right now....nope. 

I've decided that if I want unconditional love I can get that from my dogs. If I want to be tolerated and have something that will eat my money....that's what I have a horse for.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

coffeeaddict said:


> I have often wondered the same thing. I've never had that bond with a horse, not my previous one and not Cookie now. I have hope that some day it'll happen but for right now....nope.
> 
> I've decided that if I want unconditional love I can get that from my dogs. *If I want to be tolerated and have something that will eat my money....that's what I have a horse for.*




:lol::lol::lol::lol:Love this!

I agree with what SR, Faye and Smrobs have said. Respect first. Trust will come and if you are very lucky, he/she may show affection in their own special way. It may be very subtle, but they will show you.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

I think it does help if you can afford to take the time and expense of finding the absolute right horse for you.

I've always been lucky in that I have a fairly large budget when I go horse shopping. I've also been willing to travel to see hundreds of horses before settling onthe one I want and take the time to buy the right one. I've even flown into mainland Europe whilst looking for the right horse.

When trying to Find a horse after stan died I travelled 400miles to see one connemara that was on paper everything I was looking for. dun, 14.2hh HOYS quality, 3 yrs old, started but not broken. His temprement was lovely but it just wasnt right for me.

I was actualy offered Reeco by a contact of mine and I travelled 300 miles to see him. Fell in love with his personality there and then. His old owner was very much of the same school of horsemanship that I am and Reeco and I just clicked. I paid a rediculasly large amount for him but he was worth every penny.


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## Plains Drifter (Aug 4, 2009)

Right now my heart horse is my coming yearling Calamity. I went to her breeders house to pick up a different colt. The lady asked if I would be interested in this filly for $50 cause she had a hernia. She said if I wasnt interested she was taking her to an auction cause every time they tried to get in the stall she would climb the walls. I asked if they had felt the hernia to determine how severe it was. She said nope. She hadn't been able to get her hands on the filly. I went into the stall and in less than 5 minutes I had caught her and was running my hands down her sides and had been able to feel the hernia. I said I would take her and they went off to get ready to fight to get her in the trailer. I left them standing there with a shocked look on their face when I opened the stall door, walked down the barn alley and loaded her like she was a seasoned pro. The colt that I went to get had been worked with and we actually had a harder time loading him.

She has been following me like that ever since.


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## TheLovedOne (Jan 26, 2011)

plainsdrifter that is a lovely story  you are one of those rare individuals to whom it is natural. This is a tough question for me since I love all my horses. I too have a foal and the situation was pretty close to what you plainsdrifter describe. She'll be two in June. I just adore and she is still a child so her respect for me comes and goes but she is not afraid of me. I think the answer to this question is it depends. I have another horse that I also raised and he turned into a handful. I learned a lot from that relationship and still am learning. He never really cared for me at all, didn't respect me either, so I had to really work on that one and I found that the "secret" is the key. I suddenly just took on a new attitude with him a few years ago and thought - you get ridden if I have time. Low and behold he suddenly was interested in me. Wow how complicated. In short, I do have a bond with all my horses but each relationship is a little different just as they are.


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## TheLovedOne (Jan 26, 2011)

Oh ya ....Sometimes you meet someone and it is just love at first sight.


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## haviris (Sep 16, 2009)

It abo****ely exists, but like has been said respect always comes first! A large part of that bond comes from trust and being able to believe you can keep them safe as their leader, and that can't happen if they don't respect you.

I'd say alot of the problem comes from people being afraid to discipline or demand respect from their horses out of fear that they will be mad at them, or hold a grudge, they spend to much time trying to "make friends".


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## Reiterin (Mar 28, 2010)

coffeeaddict said:


> I've decided that if I want unconditional love I can get that from my dogs.


That's [basically] what I was gonna say. "They're not dogs."

My horse "respects" me. more or less. She comes to me when I call her in from the field. (albeit reluctantly. - She doesn't come to anyone else!) She has perfect ground manners and respects my personal space. She'll do anything I ask of her. (if she understands _what_ I'm asking) She'll let me brush, pet, handle, hug, or just lean on her. (I've been so sick lately, I've barely been able to get outta bed, much less ride. But I went out to the barn to get her out of her stall, let her loose in the arena and I just stood there leaning all my weight on her. and she stood there not moving until I finally went away.)

But! She doesn't care about me. She *tolerates* me! She doesn't even nicker when I come to the barn. Everyone else's horses nicker at them. My horse "hides." She'll sneak out of her stall into her run and _hope_ that I didn't see her.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

Reiterin said:


> But! She doesn't care about me. She *tolerates* me! She doesn't even nicker when I come to the barn. Everyone else's horses nicker at them. My horse "hides." She'll sneak out of her stall into her run and _hope_ that I didn't see her.


For what it's worth, it took about 5 years of working together almost daily before Dobe started to be really affectionate and nicker to me. It may still happen for you .


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## Reiterin (Mar 28, 2010)

yes. I guess when I've taken her camping and I'm the one doing all the feeding and everything, she might nicker at me. - but as long as I'm boarding her, all I'm gonna be to her is "the lady I have to behave for while she messes with me."
Still! Other boarder's horses nicker at them.


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## Clair (Jun 7, 2010)

I would say it is not "what comes first" but that you cannot truly have a bond without respect. I firmly believe that I was intended to be with Kelty. I love him like I've never loved any horse before, and he shows me preference over anyone else. He also respects me, as I respect him. He is a horse, and I strive to be understanding to his nature and have a partnership with him... In which I am the leader. But he sighs in relief after discipline, and is so relaxed after joining up! I know he wants me to be the leader, and testing me is a "safety feature" to make sure I'm the best woman for the job. In this capacity, when he's eager to see me, eager to play on the trails or in the arena.. To me THAT is a magical bond. I don't think that this bond could exist without respect and trust! If he didn't respect me, he wouldn't trust me, and I would be frustrated, he would be anxious... 
On the same note, however, even when I assert myself as the leader, I love him. The love never goes away, even when I do mess up and get frustrated.
For me, they go together!

Cool thread!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plains Drifter (Aug 4, 2009)

Don't get me wrong, I have six horses and love them all. There are a few who I have a great connection with, a couple that I connect with in an ok way and a couple that I just don't have a connection with at all. And then there is calamity. I would say second to her would be my pally lyric.


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## Clair (Jun 7, 2010)

I am not a multiple horse owner. But I think sometimes you just connect with a horse. Your story reminds me of the other horse I had the option of buying... She was a nine year Arab mare who had suffered training and riding abuse. A fantastic trainer took her on as a project and calmed her down but man... She was a handful, and the trainer was the only one who could really ride her in a calm way. She was difficult to load you name it.. 
The she met a little girl with leukemia. The trainer cried when the Arab mare followed that little girl right into the trailer... And she had to give the Arab mare to the little girl when she saw how that mare carried the girl around like she was made of glass. Sometimes I believe horses really do have their people they're meant to find!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

ATPH *Bonding with a horse.*
If you could ever discover the fundamental reason why a rider goes out and buys a horse and thereby takes 24/7 responsibility for a powerful animal, I think you’d mostly find within the reasoning of the buyer a psychological need of some sort or another. In the era of the car and motor cycle, a horse is a companion. Whether you can find a soul mate in another species very much depends on you and your choice of horse. Horses themselves are usually fairly open creatures. Their simple needs are freedom from fear, food, security, shelter and something to do. Your needs are more complex.

The start of looking for a horse often is an advert wherein the existing owner has extolled the virtues, both true and imagined, of the horse in question. A contact is made and a meeting is arranged. The search is on.

The first step is to stand back and look at the creature carefully. The second is to go up and very gently to touch its neck and say ‘hello‘. Let the horse hear your voice and smell your scent. If the horse looks back at you with a soft eye then you know you might have a contender for your time and money. You won’t know till you sit on the horse but don’t be in a rush to mount up. Watch the owner ride the horse first. Note carefully the interaction between the existing owner and the animal. Once in the saddle if your gut says, ‘this feels good, I’m safe’ then just maybe you’ll be looking at a good buy for yourself. 

Probably it will take months to get to know the animal. Horses don’t wear their hearts on their sleeves. Whilst you chose it, the horse had little choice. You took it away from its home and its mates, in return you have to allay its fears of the new and the strange. Maybe if you have chosen well, on one sunny day the apple of your eye will whinny when it sees you coming across the field. Make sure you have a carrot in your pocket that day. Maybe it will lick your hand in say 'thank you'.

In time you will share an adventure with your new partner in leisure. It could be something very simple, like a walk along the beach when the sun is shining or you might together have won some small competition. No matter, horse and human will have created a memory for a lifetime. 

What will really tug at your heart strings is when you sense your horse is in pain. You will feel helpless. It may have fallen, it may be sick, it might have got caught up in the fence wire. You, its prime protector in this harsh world, might have to make a serious decision for your horse’s well being. It will be your job to describe your horse’s ailment to the vet. You will feel the pain of your dependent and it will hurt - bad. 

Sadly too many horse owners, don’t know what I am talking about. 
What should you expect from a horse which you muck out, which you groom and tack up, which you feed, which you think for, which you give your spare time to, which you go without for? Who knows? 

For each of us the emotion is different. However if you don’t get something back, then why are you going to all the trouble? Even a mischievous horse can tug at your heart strings because you know that without your care the horse is lost and often, so does the horse.

It is no easy task to bond with a horse. To receive, first you have to give. To smile, perhaps first you have to frown. But if you manage to form a true bond with an honest horse, it is one of the real pleasures in life.


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## PumpkinzMyBaby22 (Jul 5, 2009)

Barry, that was a great post.

Yes, I do believe that a bond like that exists. I am yet to find it and I do hope I will. Pumpkin and I do not share that, as I do not have total and complete respect in all areas. i am tolerated at the moment. He will always be testing me, and it is a lot work. I do think that respect comes before trust.


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## apachewhitesox (Dec 9, 2010)

I liked Barrys post. I agree the respect is definitely needed. I have a horse that I just got who I seemed to just click with when I first met him. He does try to test the boundries sometimes but otherwise he respects me and actually seems to enjoy my company. Most people even tell me that when they handle or ride him he is respectful but he just doesn't put in the same kind of effort that he would for me and he seems to be more alert and like where did she go?.
Whereas my first horse just tolerated me and anyone else. Now though the more I work with him and show him that he needs to respect me the more he seems to like my company rather then tolerate it. This has happend slowly though and is still progressing.


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## lilkitty90 (Nov 11, 2009)

i know a girl who got an arabian for free about 3 months ago, about 2-3 weeks into that relationship she could ride him bareback in the paddock with no bridle. about a month into their relationship he would do anything to "give her a kiss" she could kneel on the ground in front of him and say gimme a kiss, and he would kneel down and tickle her face with his lips. or she could stand up high on a trash can or back of a truck. and say gimme a kiss, and he would rear up and tickle her face with his lips, then he got his foot hung up in the wire and was badly hurt, he couldn't stand her putting the vetricyn on his foot but he would lay his head across her shoulder and stand still the best he could for her. and some night she slept in the stall with him in the hay, and he would lay down beside her and use her body as his pillow. THAT is a magical relationship. formed in only 2 months. and that was her first horse since she was a small girl.

now i have a bond with my horse. but it's nothing THAT magically, i've had my horse for 2 years, and i know she loves me by the small things she does, sure sometimes when i got in the field she'll give me a hassal and run. but it's the way occasionally i can tap her neck and take of running and she'll run along beside me and stop when i do. and how while she's eating i can lay on her backwards, bareback and she'll touch her nose to my foot. or occasionally put her face close so i can kiss her nose. my horse isn't the majorly affectionate kind, but she trusts me and rarely scared, and she pleases me by occasionally doing the small things as reassurance.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

coffeeaddict said:


> I have often wondered the same thing. I've never had that bond with a horse, not my previous one and not Cookie now. I have hope that some day it'll happen but for right now....nope.


Coffee, it's fine if you don't have it. Horses can be wonderful riding partners and companions without that bond.

I had it with Conny. I'd had 2 horses previously, and while I loved them, Conny and I clicked in a way that I'd never felt before. I feel blessed that it happened once. If it never happens again, I'll still feel blessed to have had it.

I believe JJ is my second heart horse, but we're still feeling each other out, almost 2 years later. I don't love him exactly the same way as I did Conny but that's okay, because he's a completely different horse.

Casper and I are getting closer to having a true bond, and it kind of surprises me since I never expected it. The only reason it's happening is because _he's_ pushing for it. He wants so desperately to be more important to me than just a riding horse. How do you say no to that? It's quite endearing.

Mack and I are more like friendly acquaintances. He respects and trusts me as the leader, but would rather not be bothered with.


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## lolayla (Jul 25, 2008)

Clair said:


> I am not a multiple horse owner. But I think sometimes you just connect with a horse. Your story reminds me of the other horse I had the option of buying... She was a nine year Arab mare who had suffered training and riding abuse. A fantastic trainer took her on as a project and calmed her down but man... She was a handful, and the trainer was the only one who could really ride her in a calm way. She was difficult to load you name it..
> *The she met a little girl with leukemia. The trainer cried when the Arab mare followed that little girl right into the trailer... And she had to give the Arab mare to the little girl when she saw how that mare carried the girl around like she was made of glass. Sometimes I believe horses really do have their people they're meant to find!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


this is the sweetest thing i have heard in a long time!! brought a tear to my eye


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## New_image (Oct 27, 2007)

In my opinion a "one person horse" bond most certainly exists. I rescue and train many horses each year and it is my 'bad habit' to create horses that respond so well with me but others still have trouble. I can however teach others to create the same bond with the horses as I did. 
The thing people either DO NOT KNOW or FORGET is that horses are not human beings. Your horse doesn't care how much you think the world of it! It doesn't care that its photos are plastered all over your house, it doesn't care that you no longer go threw the drive threw at starbucks so you can afford an extra bag of treats or a new shiny halter. 
To create a bond with ANY horse you need to 1. forget just giving love, hugs, kisses, coos and what-nots, treats and moonlit walks. You need to create a rhythm with your horse. 2. You also need to understand that horses are not humans. In the herd there are few warnings and few grudges. Meaning, if you step in my direction and I don't like it, I lounge at you, move you, then back off. It works for them, this is the language they speak. They do not speak "mushy". 
If you want to be looked at and admired not looked threw or just tolerated, you have to be seen as a herd member. Your body language speaks loudly, most people do not realize the amount of body language they carry. How can you expect to be taken seriously if you and your horse are speaking two different languages?


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## swmorsync (Feb 10, 2011)

Clair said:


> The she met a little girl with leukemia. The trainer cried when the Arab mare followed that little girl right into the trailer... And she had to give the Arab mare to the little girl when she saw how that mare carried the girl around like she was made of glass. Sometimes I believe horses really do have their people they're meant to find!


That is the sweetest story! I completely agree that horses have people they're meant to find ... 

And I think that forming relationships with horses is the same as forming relationships with other people ... You won't click with all of them, you can love them but still get into arguments, you can have respect without a relationship but not a relationship without respect, and (one of the harder ones for me to accept lol) not every horse is going to like you just because you like them.


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## horseloverd2 (Jan 23, 2009)

I think if your going to have a strong bond with a horse, you'll know it within the first few days of knowing the horse. You'll 'click.' I've never met a horse that I clicked with after a few years. My first horse and I never really clicked. In time, we got mutual respect and even became partners, but we never had that connection.

My horse Shannon, though, I met her and automatically knew she was the perfect horse. I guess you could say it was love at first sight. The odds were totally against me on getting her (she was out of our price range and we were moving 5000 miles away) but I got her in the end. I think it was meant to be 

But really, even if you do click with a horse in the beginning, it can take months and sometimes years before you two are partners. That takes time.


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## Azale1 (Jul 5, 2010)

I have experienced that type of bond before with two horses. Sadly it was not my own horse and she ended up getting sold. And I pleaded with the owner to let me do payments and/or work off her price. But she wasn't having any of that. It does exist but it is something that is so difficult to find.

The second horse was one I groomed at the track while working for this one trainer. After that horse had gone home for retirement I stopped working there about a year later to work at a Hunter/Jumper stable. Every morning their was a horse that would run and scream up and down his fence line that neighbored the farm I worked at when I would turn out and bring in the horses. And I kept thinking to myself what the heck is wrong with that horse. Then one day I heard the stable owner and neighbor talking about a horse and I hear the name which was the same name as the horse at the track. I ask them which horse this was and if it was the one that I groomed for a year. They told me that it was the horse that liked to run and scream up and down the fence line every time I walked by. After a whole year of being separated from him I couldn't believe he had remembered me. So from that day on I was sure to greet him when I went by and he was happy with that and he quite his screaming and pacing.

So yes the magical bond does exist.


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## Eliz (Jun 16, 2010)

I believe it does exist.

This reminds me of the question of whether or not people really do have "soul mates" or two people are really meant to find each other and be together.

Someone could give you a scientific answer about how the chemicals in our brain are our how we or our horses have evolved and horses don't bond like humans etc etc...

But I believe it is one of those things above what science and logic can tell us.


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## Loveeemyhorseee (Feb 11, 2011)

Yes it does. The other day I had my 4 year old in my round pen and he was loose and his halter was in the middle of the round pen and I was just watching him and then he came over and picked up the halter with his mouth and threw it at me. Best feeling ever. Rare, but best.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

When I first noticed this thread and the subject of ‘The Bond’ I knew it was a sensitive issue and reading some of the posts which have contributed to the debate I have come to the conclusion that the Bond means different things to different owners. 

I have long held the view that one of the roles a horse takes in a human’s life is to be a recipient of affection and Tender Loving Care. Humans need to have a role in life and being responsible for the well being of a horse is an all consuming role. We owners give up much, not just money, but time also to keep our ‘Mutts’ in a good state. Some of us even keep our horse alive long after its role as a riding horse is over. Owners even prolong the discomfort of a horse which really has reached the end of its life because they cannot bear to make the final irreversible decision.

The Bond does undoubtedly exists and it presents itself, both to human and horse, in many ways. 

My present mare is not an affectionate creature and she is working much better for her young dressage rider than she ever does for me. Yet it is me who prepares her for competition and me that makes sure she reaches the arena in a calm state. It is me that approaches her when she is having one of her bursts of adrenaline. And I suspect sometimes it is me, who by paying attention to another horse, arouses bad behaviour in her. But when you see me ride her and when you see Claire then she could be a different horse. Claire is DiDi’s teacher, I am her carer.

Joe my previous horse responded well to one human namely the woman whom I had bought him from. She had never been formally trained to ride but she was/is undoubtedly a capable horsewoman. After a particularly bad spell with Joe, during which he had been throwing his toys out of the pram, I took him over to her in order to see if she could help me with him. I watched her climb up onto his back on which she had fitted ‘her’ saddle. Then riding one handed on a loose rein, with her posture slumped down, whilst smoking a cigarette, she rode him off into what proved to be a hale storm. I had an acceptable relationship with Joe, but instantly I saw how his Bond was with Faith, this woman who had known him virtually all his life, and not me. That hurt. I had protected him from the unacceptability in human eyes of his lawless behaviour but I could not cure him of it. Indeed in some ways I might have been unwittingly the cause of some of it. Sadly back in Faith’s care some 400 miles away, he did not last long - but that is another story.

As I write this article, at my feet sits a 15 year old terrier. She is long past her sell by date. If I stand up to and leave the room, then she’ll wake up from her doze and follow me. If I go upstairs, despite her very rickety legs, she will climb the stairs. The worst thing I can do, is to move out of her sight. Ten years ago she took the place in my life of a Bull Terrier who would literally destroy barriers to come with me.
Likewise the neglected small horse up on the yard named Sonnie follows me with his eyes wherever I go. I don’t ride him any more but I do make sure he gets some attention. I have stepped in and defended him several times for his disobedience. But I do know I could get more from him than his owner will ever do, even if she keeps him. Creating a Bond with him would be so easy but I hold back. It would be best for him in the long run if he finds a new owner.

What I am trying to express is that the ‘Bond’ we are talking about, is essentially an emotional thing over which we really have little control. It is a measure of compatibility and as such a two way deal between different species of being. 

If you think you have attained a Bond with a horse, then enjoy. It is precious.


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## candandy49 (Jan 16, 2011)

I am another one who believes respect comes first then a bonding of trust comes next, but only with the right combination of human and horse. We've had up to 6 horses here and my mare and I are the only ones to have had a bonding relationship. She is truly my "heart horse".

That is her and I in my avatar.


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

I believe it exists. 

When I was younger I owned a mare, and I never really thought about bond or anything like that. Until one day I was jumping her in a lesson, and I jumped ahead, she took a long spot and tripped over the rail. We both went falling to the ground. She did everything in her power not to roll on top of me. She actually hurt her neck trying not to roll over. She was a little sore, but she was fine. If she did roll on me, I could have easily gotten severely hurt.

After that happened...I knew she really did like, not just tolerate me. 

Most importantly, respect comes first. Once you let a horse, or anything, take advantage of you..then you'll have problems.


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## whiskeynoo (Mar 17, 2010)

I believe it exists and i also believe i share it with my current mare who i've had for 9 years and i hope i will still have her for many years to come.


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## gottatrot (Jan 9, 2011)

Unlike some of you, my bond with my mare did not come from earning respect. My horse respects everyone and everything. She is submissive to a fault and respects every horse and human's opinion above her own. She is a blind follower.
Once she was chased by a mini horse around a field. The mini kept biting at my horse's knees and terrified her.
My mare was deemed untrainable by her first owner and sold as a broodmare hopeful at the age of ten. I bought her to train as my riding horse.
My personality is to be outwardly calm (if not comatose) in all situations. My mare's personality is to be hysterical about everything. She had never been off a secluded property by ten years old so more than anything else she needed my utter calmness.
As we fought through the trenches together I taught her that not everything in life will kill you and she taught me that some things I thought were unrideable were quite possible to ride with lots of practice. And that some horses never grow up.
Nine years later, when I came back from a vacation of several weeks she trotted up to me, tucked her head under my arm and closed her eyes as she heaved a deep sigh. I had become an important part of her world.
This sweet horse was always genuinely surprised when I came off of her. Sometimes she had completely forgotten I was up there. Several times we've fallen together and I always had to get up first and tell her she was all right before she would get up. More than once in life I have had to convince her she was not dead when something scary happened to her.
When we ride, I have to tell her where to go. She does not decide things like that for herself. Once when I was checking my phone she ran her head into a tree because I wasn't steering her. Another time she leaped over a chest high _twig_ from a standstill because she thought that's what I was asking her to do. 
If I don't notice she has a leg in the air and I ask her to pick up an opposite leg while cleaning her feet, she will pick it up for me even if it causes her to topple over.
I have been laughing at her for ten years now. How could I not love a horse like her? Our bond is different: it is forged by her trust in me and my need for her silliness. Her name is Amore and that is who she is.


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## wild horses (Feb 11, 2011)

Hey i think that bond isnt so much of a bond bt good training and good communication and trust between you and your horse. nothing magical

i have a bond with my wild stallion check out our work here
But its from all the training and trust we have developed over the last few months. nothing magical about it

also i think horses in a herd situation bond with a human less, than a horse thats stabled or kept on its own. When theyr on their own you become their herd, where in a paddock situation they already have their herd and freinds so the bond is less strong


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

wild horses said:


> Hey i think that bond isnt so much of a bond bt good training and good communication and trust between you and your horse. nothing magical
> 
> i have a bond with my wild stallion check out our work here
> But its from all the training and trust we have developed over the last few months. nothing magical about it
> ...


*

*Wild horses, while I would initially agree with this, I think back to when I was first working with T, before I purchased her and took her home. She was the head mare in a very large herd of horses, over 20 head, pasture kept. 

After working with her a while, I decided that I would prefer her coming to me, instead of the reverse. So I began training her with carrots that when she came she would get a nice treat. Started with a few steps and we graduated to my clapping three times and whistling and like thunder rumbling, you could hear her coming. Herd following of course, but she was in the lead and coming to me. Eventually, she would come alone. Not sure what she did to accomplish this, as she came from the far back pasture and up the hill to where I was. Tree line blocked my view.

So, while there was training and consistency involved, she still made the decision to seek out my company. Yes, she got a yummy carrot (and still to this day , many years later, always checks to see if I have any), but she had no qualms about leaving the herd when she came to me.

A few times she actually chastised other horses if they got too close to me. I suppose she "claimed" me as hers, but she was then and is still very respectful and careful around me. She is a proper southern belle, and is always well mannered and observant of proper etiquette. LOL!


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

Well, it depends on how you define 'bond'. I have only ever truly bonded with one horse and it wasn't for the usual reasons, it was more because she would do quirky things, which caused me to love her very much and in return she seemed to return the affection.

Weird stuff she would do:

When at a competition I would tie her to the trailer and go off to get food, check results etc. Often I would come back to the trailer to find that she had untied herself and was patiently waiting for me to return, sometimes with leadrope still in mouth. Didn't matter what knot I tried, she would figure it out if left to her own devices. But _not once_ did she leave the spot that I left her in, even in a busy competition atmosphere. She always stood patiently waiting for me to return. I loved her for that.

When cleaning her pasture I would scoop up her manure and load it into a wheelbarrow. She would follow me from poop to poop. It was a big pasture, maybe 4 acres and I only cleaned it once a week (she had it to herself) so it would take me about an hour. Sometimes she would go off in a different direction to the one I planned and stand waiting at the next poop, staring at me in disbelief when I instead picked up a different one. She would be with me the whole time, making sure I didn't miss any. I think we both enjoyed each other’s company. One day she backed herself up to the wheelbarrow and took a fresh poop into it. I think she was trying to help. I loved her for that.

When riding on the road, she would pretend to 'spook' at something as an excuse to try and go for a run, and I mean RUN - you woulda thought she had never left the track. Yet when she encountered something _genuinely_ spooky (we were chased by dogs, run off the road by inconsiderate truck drivers, ridden past llamas and been out bush with kangaroos) she followed my every instruction with precision. I loved her for that too.

Many other funny stories about this horse but I have probably bored everyone to tears already. Essentially, _I feel_ like we had a bond but in reality I would say that she had absolute faith in what I was doing with her and also us as a team and also quite liked just being around me. Me being subject to human emotions interpreted that as having a bond. Even if that translated to simply doing some manure searching together on a sunny Saturday afternoon.


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## wild horses (Feb 11, 2011)

Walkamile i see you point but i think that shows your training and consitency with your mare. Its not that herd animals cant bond with you at all, but horses that more isolated tend to seek out human interaction more.

i have a big herd of horses that all roam together they all come up for scratches and attention i wouldnt say one specific one has a special bond with me though, nothing stonger than they feel for any other horse or human they interact with each day.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Yes WH, I do agree. I'll add that T has always been very secure with herself, just as happy to be out alone with me or with others makes no difference to her. So I suppose that is her personality. Confident, cool, calm.

Perhaps had she not been the "head" mare, she would have had more difficulty coming to me and leaving the herd. After all, the lower members are usually more secure with the herd. I also think she liked the singling out and special treatment. I think she saw it as her due. While she was never overtly demonstrative of "affection", she has "softened" over the years. Putting her head to my chest and giving me a horse hug. She's a stoic mare, so you have to look closely to see that she is content to be with you.

Not like my gelding who is always in my back pocket and trying to "help" me with my paddock and stall chores. Food is never his reward. Being with me is. He has actually pushed T (his mother) out of the way at the gate for me to take him for the ride and not her. He is a big goof ball, but I do love him. Makes me smile.


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## Reiterin (Mar 28, 2010)

I loved your story _gottatrot_ =)


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## AllThePrettyHorses (Dec 15, 2010)

It's been interesting reading all the replies.

The last few days have been really good for my horse and I. I have come to realize that she does not need or even want a friend, she wants and needs to be treated like a horse. I've been treating her as such, and the odd thing is that she actually is much more interested in me than she was before. She actually _wants _to be near me. Perhaps we'll never have that magical bond, but it's a start.


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## Dressager (Feb 13, 2011)

*Communication*

The bond comes from an understanding. A mutual communication. By being able to understand what your horse telling you. The horse is reading everything you do, say and sometimes it seems think. It takes a certain concentration and an open mind (and heart) to develop this bond. You can develop a bond with almost any horse, the special ones become part of who you are. One of the most important things is to respond when your horse attempts to communicate with you. 

Hope this makes sense and helps:idea:


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## ChingazMyBoy (Apr 16, 2009)

I do believe that this bond does exsist. But as many others have said respect does come first. I think a main part of it is care, riding and love.

I do believe I have this bond with my gelding Chinga, as he fully respects me and I respect him. We also both trust eachother a large amount.


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## eclaire23 (Oct 26, 2010)

I believe that respect and love come at the same time with a horse. I think John Lyons Was the one who created the round pin training that basically teaches your horse you are alpha and in their brains it clicks. Their herd instinct tells them that they can truly never trust anybody else because nobody else can take alpha spot after. This will lead to total respect and love! Its a really interesting thought! I use a not so true form of this training, mostly because I've only seen this done second hand. I took that experience and created my own style.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Moosetang (Aug 13, 2010)

I believe that it can exist, but rarely as smrobs said. I think the "magical" bond you speak of exists in a person's mind, most of the time. And respect definitely has to come first. My horse Spirit is a very easy going horse, but when we got him, he wasn't very trusting. It actually took a couple of years to gain his respect, and now that I have had him for almost five years, I can see how he progressed over the years as he started to trust me. We by no means have a "magical" bond now, but we certainly love each other.


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## MHFoundation Quarters (Feb 23, 2011)

YES it exists! Respect always comes first. 

My 'magical bond' horse is our 29 yr old stallion Hondo. I am a couple yrs his senior and have pretty much been riding him since I was big enough to sit on a horse. I can remember counting down the days until I was 18 and able to show him AQHA. We won 5 all arounds that summer  He has always seemed to know what I was thinking and he definitely knows how I am feeling. He gives great hugs. I have sat in his stall on many bad days over the years and cried it out and just hang out with his head rested on my shoulder as if to say it's alright. He is now becoming as good of a friend to my 5 yr old daughter as he is to me. It will be a very bleak day when we will have to say goodbye. 

We have 12 and I have great working relationships with all of them, but the old man is the only half human in the bunch


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## CJ82Sky (Dec 19, 2008)

i think it really varies by relationship just like with people

i have that with most of my horses.

ridge for example will put himself on and off the trailer for the camping trip, and unload himself in a large grass field and trot enthusiatically over to his paddock while i tend to unhitching the trailer and unloading hay, etc. he follows me around the property (inside and outside of the ring) without coaxing or treats, and so on. and i never trained him any of this - he just does it. and its with me and not others. actually everyone complains he's hard to catch and so on which makes me laugh bc he always trots up to me.

i think like people - some of us click and some do not. it doesn't mean someone is better or worse than the other or their horse is more or less trained imo, but that simply put there is chemistry there. and whether it's chemistry, history, connection, or something else, i do know (for me anyway) when it is there


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## slc (Jan 30, 2011)

I don't think there is any real mystical 'bond'.

Horses are easy to understand, they communicate very clearly, it's just a matter of the person learning how they communicate, and learning proper techniques for handling and riding.

And no matter how much experience anyone ever has, they are always still learning. I'm as old as dirt and still learning. Everyone always is, if they are willing to admit it or not, that's another matter, LOL!

I think it looks mystical to outsiders and beginners because they don't understand what's going on, but after many years, I don't actually feel it is. 

I've sat and watched for years, when a horse goes to a different rider and performs better, people often say, 'Well, that horse just didn't click with that other rider' or 'Well, that horse just wasn't bonded with that rider'. Baloney - it's always possible to find a more obvious reason - use of the reins, the aids, techniques, etc.

That doesn't mean it's easy or quick.

But actually, I think the 'bond' thing is about looking for a short cut and making things happen quickly - people don't want to pay for lessons or take direction from a more experienced mentor. They'd rather go through a few easy steps and 'poof! bonded!, now everything is effortless!'.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

slc said:


> But actually, I think the 'bond' thing is about looking for a short cut and making things happen quickly.


I disagree. Forming a true bond takes time, just as with any good relationship. Just because _you've_ never had it isn't proof that it doesn't exist.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

slc said:


> I've sat and watched for years, when a horse goes to a different rider and performs better, people often say, 'Well, that horse just didn't click with that other rider' or 'Well, that horse just wasn't bonded with that rider'. Baloney - it's always possible to find a more obvious reason - use of the reins, the aids, techniques, etc.


Sorry - it's not baloney. There may not be magic but there are horses that simply get along better with some riders than others.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

slc said:


> But actually, I think the 'bond' thing is about looking for a short cut and making things happen quickly - people don't want to pay for lessons or take direction from a more experienced mentor. They'd rather go through a few easy steps and 'poof! bonded!, now everything is effortless!'.


Unfortunately, the term 'bond' is bandied about frequently resulting in it often being misunderstood. There are many people out there that believe it is the be all and end all to fix all horse related problems which is obviously not true. From this perspective, I agree partially with your statement.

However, that is not to say that a bond between human and horse does not exist at all or is not possible. Horses are not machines, nor are humans. Not everything is entirely mechanical.


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## slc (Jan 30, 2011)

"Just because you've never experienced it"

Insults are used in discussions when someone feels they are losing, or when they lose their temper, which leads to conversations that serve no purpose.

"bonds take time(so are not a short cut)"

Perhaps what you call a 'bond', I call spending time together, getting on the same page, developing an understanding, harmony, listening to a mentor, etc. Yes that takes time.

What I _don't _believe in is some magical, butterflies and rainbows THING that takes away all the need to put in time, work, effort and thought.

Once a horse of mine went to a very BN trainer, who tried the horse in the double bridle. It was a disaster. There was nothing wrong with what the trainer did - he was extremely skilled and empathic, with impeccable hands, balance and sensitivity.

The horse came home. 

A few weeks later, the trainer stopped by, to see me riding the horse, the horse going quietly and calmly and obediently in the double bridle.

The trainer said, 'I never, EVER thought the horse would go like that in the double bridle'. He asked me what I'd done.

That horse didn't learn to go in the double bridle because of what I would call some mysterious 'bond'. A lot of time and focus and thought and understanding of the horse's history went into it. A little bit of experimentation, a lot of patience, a lot of keeping in mind things I was taught.

So you call it a bond, I have a different phrase for it, and I look at it in a straightforward fashion. 

And that word, 'bond', I'm just not comfortable with it, I hear it used too much by people who refuse to get instruction or learn how to do things better - 'If I bond with my horse, I don't need to learn how to do things correctly or safely'. 

What I call it is, caring enough to learn, educate oneself, practice, and put in the work.

The horse? The horse is just standing there waiting for us to put the pieces together.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

sorry but I disagree with you slc.

Stan and I had a bond, It developed over the first couple of years with him. 

This bond ment that when I walked up to him in the field he wouldnt bother getting up.

It ment that when I was upset and needed to cuddle him and cry into his neck ne stood there and let me or cuddled me back.

It ment that dispite being in alot of pain when he injured his suspensory he still tried his heart out for me.

It ment that after 6 months of box rest I was the only one who could handle him safely (dispite the fact that my brother handled him for the 4 months previous to this whilst I was at university)

It ment that I could tell the second he came out of the stable exactly what mood he was in and just how far I could push him.

It ment I could tell when he genuinely didnt understand and when he was just pushing his luck!

It ment that he read my moods and reacted accordingly, He knew exactly how far he could push me before he got a smacked botty for his troubles and he knew that if he was good rewards would come his way.

He put himself between me and anouther horse once! the other horse was attempting to kill me and stan got in front of it giving me time to get out of the way and yes stan got hurt by doing that.

Every time I pulled into the yard he would whinney to me.

And every time he was hurt or unhappy he turned to me and I could practicaly see him thinking "your my human you will fix it"

I was not just anouther human, I was his human!

It did not mean that we did not need a trainer It just ment that I trusted him, he trusted me and we understood each other on quite deep level. It was not a short cut, we still worked **** hard for every red rosette we got but I do say that the bond gave us the edge because he would try his heart out for me and I would have given him the world if he had needed it!


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

slc said:


> I've sat and watched for years, when a horse goes to a different rider and performs better, people often say, 'Well, that horse just didn't click with that other rider' or 'Well, that horse just wasn't bonded with that rider'. Baloney - it's always possible to find a more obvious reason - use of the reins, the aids, techniques, etc.
> 
> 
> But actually, I think the 'bond' thing is about looking for a short cut and making things happen quickly - people don't want to pay for lessons or take direction from a more experienced mentor. They'd rather go through a few easy steps and 'poof! bonded!, now everything is effortless!'.


first- horses obviously have different personalities, and so do people. some personalities just dont 'click' with eachother, and some just plain cant stand eachother. Thats why some horses and riders are a better pair then others, you need a horse with a personality that you get along with, without that then its like being married to someone you dont like, lol. A truly great rider can get on any horse and turn her/his personality off and just go with the horses personality (and of course, someone who can ride beautifully). 

second- bonding with animals isnt just a few simple steps then 'poof' if that was it then wow, so many other people would have great bonds with hroses. No, creating a bond with a horse is showing them you are their leader and the 'boss mare' and they will have to do as you say, as well as showing them they can trust you, and YOU listening to the HORSE, finding out what they like, dont like, and jsut hanging around them.i am interested in hearing how you think people make bonds with horses?


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

I think unless oyu have experianced a bond with a horse then it is very difficult to understand.

Finding that horse in a million that is right and you can bond with is the most difficult thing ever.

Stan was my horse of a lifetime. I fully expect that I'll never have the same depth of bond with anouther horse. 

i've never had a bond with any horse before stan (and I've had many many horses) and I've not got as deep a bond with Reeco (still working on the trust aspect).


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## slc (Jan 30, 2011)

What you are failing to understand is that I believe in all that stuff, I just don't like the word 'bond' because I feel it gets misused. Instead of running me down and insulting me, maybe consider what I said instead of just attacking it, consider why I said it.


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## cher40 (Nov 19, 2010)

I believe that we can bond with our horses. My Sunny is proof of that. When I first bought him he was a nervous wreck, obviously from the handling he had before, and now he is a completely different horse. He walks right past everyone else including my husband to come to me first. I expect respect from him and he is a lot more calm knowing his place in "our herd" of two. And this has all happened within three months and a lot of work together! 

I also had a wonderful horse/human bond with my first horse that I had for 29 years. There would be months at a time where I wouldn't be able to visit him but he always nickered when we drove into the driveway. He wouldn't do that for anyone. He also wouldn't let anyone else ride him but me. Some of you may say that is wrong but I feel that he only had trust in me. Because I worked and spent the most time with him.

There will always be differing views on subjects with regards to our relationship with animals. Including pets like dogs. Some owners treat them like their children and give them human emotions while others think its ridiculous. I for one love to think my horse loves to work with me, play with me, and just hang out together. I see that as a bond.


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## ridergirl23 (Sep 17, 2009)

slc said:


> What you are failing to understand is that I believe in all that stuff, I just don't like the word 'bond' because I feel it gets misused. Instead of running me down and insulting me, maybe consider what I said instead of just attacking it, consider why I said it.


Every word gets misused, it all means something a little different to all of us, haha, thats why when people use words like 'bond' they need to back it up with a little bit of a definition or something. I dont know who the last part was directed at, but im sorry if you were offended by anything in my post or what i said.

One person who really explains how horses think and what they need and Bonds between hrose and human well is Dr.Sid Gustafson. I listened to him i a lecture once and it gave me a whole new outlook on what he calls 'pair bonds'


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## christopher (Feb 11, 2011)

"that magical bond" does exist, but it's not achieved through "magic", it's achieved through long long hours.


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## phoenix (Jun 7, 2010)

When my new farrier met me and my horse she immediately said "he knows you're his doesn't he?" She got to the barn first and he had already been brought in and was being nice an attentive to her until i walked in and he stood looking out of his stall nickering to me. I like to think i have a bond with my horse. Sometimes he gets pushy and sometimes i do. I spent the first year i had him doing a lot of ground work and just playing with him. 

When i first met him he was a trail horse at a local park and even if i didn't ride him on trail he'd always come find me when he got back. He'd ignore his rider and plod over and stand by me. When we went to our second barn he'd keep all the other horses in his herd away from me and if they were running and playing he's charge up to me, stop and then take off running again. I like to think he was inviting me to play too.

He used to come when called out of the field but then i put the dreaded grazing muzzle on him and now he tends to stand there and only come very reluctantly when i yell.

our partnership has to be constantly tweaked and worked on.


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## SPhorsemanship (Apr 5, 2010)

I haven't had time to read what everyone has posted. I will respond to the original question.

I know what you mean by that magical bond. The one where the person can sit on that horse's back with nothing on(bit, bridle halter, saddle)... It's something you see and you wish you have. From what I've learned, especially from a fantastic horse trainer in Denmark, is that not everyone can have that, and most definitely not every horse can have it. The personality, the "spirit" of a horse let's call it, is what the bond depends on. Also with the person the horse is with too. The way a horse thinks, it's intelligence, it's experienced through life, and many other things are all things that can affect a bond. Not everyone can form a bond like that either. For the most part, people don't trust their horses. That is something very important that too many people lack. For the horse to trust you, you have to trust the horse (that doesn't mean get on it's back with no tack in the middle of a field). I think that this bond is just a specific type of bond, something you as the person might not even enjoy if you actually had it. Everyone can connect with a horse. You connect with certain horses more than others, you just click. If you go out and buy a horse because of it's show experience, it's not likely that you should actually be with that horse. If you find a horse that you liked the first time you saw it, then you probably should be with that horse. You need to realize that there are other types of bonds too. You can't expect all horses to bond the cute way. Maybe if you find the horse that you really click with, you won't have this so called "magical" bond.

I'll tell you about me and my horse. My horse is by far the most difficult for me because of the emotional difficulties I've had to go through with him...but he is probably the most important thing in my life. However, I don't have that "magical bond" you are thinking about. When i first saw my horse I was walking through a horse pasture to catch one of the other horses in his field. He was alone behind a shelter. The second I saw him, I knew he was my horse...and he was for sale! It was his expression. I bought him a few weeks later after I rode him a few times (he was green broke). Since then we have been through a lot. In the last 6 months he has been abused . I haven't seen him in over a month. He is always relieved to see me, he has never tried to harm me or throw me. I haven't ever fallen off of him because he always saves my butt by somehow making me regain balance. I know we have a bond but on the surface it doesn't look like it. I have to ride him with a bridle and a bit. He takes off a lot when I ride him(spooks). I do have to say, if your horse is attacking you, you don't have a bond because a bond is only possibly when there is *mutual* respect. So this horse who wouldn't do anything to hurt me...on purpose (he's still a horse), is the same horse that has dragged people, flipped over on people, bucked people off, attacked people, kicked people, reared up and stricken at people and jumped out of pastures in order not to get caught. It just goes to show, he trusts me. If anyone were ever to tell me to smack him with a whip I would probably throw a whip at them. He's not a horse you whip, possibly only in dangerous situations which have never occurred with me. I think a whip should never be used to hit a horse in any situation except if a person is at risk of being injured by the horse. In that case, a professional horse trainer needs to see the horse. Remember the horse is always innocent. This does tie into bonds, because the way you work out respect and a relationship with a horse is how a bond is formed.

I have noticed this too. I used to find it way easier to jump on a green broke pony and get a good ride in than with my horse. Now I understand why... in a bond there is always conflict. Nothing is perfect. Go out with your horse, and be yourself. Also, when you look at it as you own little horse that's so important you make expectations for yourself and your horse. When you are with horses, leave everything at the door(or the gate), live in the present and just be with your horse!


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## mom2pride (May 5, 2009)

Respect has to come first...out of that will come the horse's trust...it really can't work in the reverse (trust, then respect). 

It is the horses that have learned how to 'trust' first that wind up with alot of problems in the respect department, atleast in my experience as a trainer...they walk all over their handlers, because the handlers don't want to scare, offend, or hurt the horse, for fear of putting them back in the place they were before.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I believe that there are different levels of the bond with different people and horses. 

My first horse and I had the most amazing bond. I could do anything to her, literally anything. My current guy not so much, he does everything I ask and is compliant, but he will not go that extra mile. I haven't changed, I am not doing anything differently, he is just a different horse from my first horse.


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## SPhorsemanship (Apr 5, 2010)

AlexS said:


> I believe that there are different levels of the bond with different people and horses.
> 
> My first horse and I had the most amazing bond. I could do anything to her, literally anything. My current guy not so much, he does everything I ask and is compliant, but he will not go that extra mile. I haven't changed, I am not doing anything differently, he is just a different horse from my first horse.


exactly, he's a different horse


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

SPhorsemanship said:


> exactly, he's a different horse


and he is quite stupid, like really really stupid. :lol:


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

After reading through 61 responses it is very plain to see that many riders believe that with time a 'bond' can develop between horse and rider/owner. Whether the word bond has an exact meaning is open to debate but it is obvious that some humans can develop a relationship with a horse which the rider feels enhances the understanding between the two species.

Other viewers have pointed out that it is not always possible to develop this bond with their own horse and one can speculate as to why. Personally I reckon one reason for that is because we humans are all different and so are our horses. 

To me there was one very interesting response - when a young woman inferred that by fitting a grazing mask on her horse she damaged the bond she felt she enjoyed with her horse. Well that is not so illogical is it? She prevented the horse from getting to rich grass and the horse felt this to be infuriating and unfair. 
That the eating of too much rich grass might lead to the death of the animal did not occur to the horse 
All the horse knew was that it was being denied access to the one thing in life which it lived to enjoy namely fresh grass. 

If the concept of a bond developing between horse and owner gives added pleasure to the rider/owner and equally if the concept that there is a bond which might be broken by inconsiderate handling of the horse by the owner, then whether the bond does or doesn't exist matters not. The 'bond' must bring the two closer together. 

That sometimes between some humans and riders no bond develops brings the question as to whether the human is doing something wrong and needs to change his/her ideas of how to handle a dumb animal. 

The inbred fear in a horse is the key to all this philosophy. If the rider/owner can remove fear from the human/equine relationship then some sort of bond will have been established.

Personally I smile that this thread has even been debated. A couple of decades ago, before the principles of natural horsemanship had become accepted as widely as they have today, for a rider/trainer/ owner to give a horse even the slightest human behavioural trait was thought to be heresy. 
Which brings me to one last point which has not been debated. 

If it is possible to produce between human and horse a friendly bond then likewise it must be possible to develop for the very opposite reasons an antagonistic relationship.
If the rider is forever using the whip, if the voice is always sharp, if the horse is confined unreasonably - then the horse is going to come to dread/resent/fight the presence of that human. 
This 'bonding' relationship issue must work two ways or not at all. 

If benefit is derived from considerate behavior by the human, then uncooperation on the part of the horse might be seen to be the result of inconsiderate behaviour by the human.

So maybe, if a bond is not developing, then is there something going on in the relationship which is pushing horse and rider apart?
Does the tack fit? 
Are the riders' hands too fierce?
Is the bit too harsh?
Is the horse restricted by too much leather?
Is the whip being used too often? 

Just a thought.

This business of horse riding isn't just about how the rider sits on the horse's back and holds the reins, it is very much about the rider understanding what's going on in the horse's head.

B G


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## TheLovedOne (Jan 26, 2011)

Barry Godden said:


> Personally I smile that this thread has even been debated. A couple of decades ago, before the principles of natural horsemanship had become accepted as widely as they have today, for a rider/trainer/ owner to give a horse even the slightest human behavioural trait was thought to be heresy.
> Which brings me to one last point which has not been debated.


I find that interesting that you think that in the old days people didn't attribute human characteristics to horses and that now because of NH people do. I think it's the other way around. I know that some of the older dressage coaches I had years ago would say things like "he doesn't like the saddle going on or he's spooking to get out of work" I think that sounds more like a lazy human to me. All the NH (or most of it) that I've studied emphasizes that horses are not like humans and consequently don't think like humans. But it's interesting that you see it the other way around.


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## Salila (Jun 9, 2010)

I actually made a post about this in my blog the other day. When I was a little girl, I fell in love with a Haflinger mare, who wasn't the prettiest, or the nicest mare, but I loved her all the same. I think we had that type of bond. Other people around her paddock, she would lay back her ears at, kick at, snap at. Me, on the other hand, she was always content to stand by me, while I sat on the fence, and usually I did nothing more than sit up there with my back against a tree and read. It was nice. 

I never have had that same bond with any other horse, even my Siaga. Siaga and I developed our bond of love out of a partnership, not a friendship. We've had to work for it, and yes, this bond started with respect. He's not my 'horse soul mate' as I've always referred to the mare as, but I couldn't tell you which bond was worth more, the one that happened on accident, or the one that happened over years of trying to make it happen.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Barry Godden said:


> So maybe, if a bond is not developing, then is there something going on in the relationship which is pushing horse and rider apart?
> Does the tack fit?
> Are the riders' hands too fierce?
> Is the bit too harsh?
> ...


As a human we can do everything correctly and there is nothing more to the relationship with some horses than pure mechanics. Just as some of us are friends with co-workers or class mates, while others are simply a co-worker or class mate.

Personality is huge. There is no science as to why we get along with one horse and not another. It's not magic. It's relationships in general. Accepting and adapting.


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

I get to feeling kind of sorry for horse owners that have not found that connection with their horse and try to find a way to get them together a little more.

I can't help but notice that the relationship some have with their horses is similar to the one they also have with neighbors and partners.

Sometimes it is the horse but sometimes it is right down inside yourself.

There was a time in my life that I had a hard time getting along with about anything that walked and things had to change inside.

That magical bond begins in the morning when you take a long look in the mirror after washing your face.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Marecare said:


> I get to feeling kind of sorry for horse owners that have not found that connection with their horse and try to find a way to get them together a little more.
> 
> I can't help but notice that the relationship some have with their horses is similar to the one they also have with neighbors and partners.


So - you are saying you feel equally about every horse and every person in your life - and they all feel the same way about you? There isn't a favorite horse or person in your life?

Sounds bland.


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## TheLovedOne (Jan 26, 2011)

I can't say I feel the same way about every horse I have or have ever known. Just like humans. But when I think about them individually I can't help but feel love for each of them and I feel a bond with each of them. But it's different from one to the other. 

I think marecare might be talking about some people who never get connected to anything and have troubles in relationships in general .... but hey that's just what I get from reading it.


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

mls said:


> So - you are saying you feel equally about every horse and every person in your life - and they all feel the same way about you? There isn't a favorite horse or person in your life?
> 
> Sounds bland.



I am saying that there is a way to get along with about everything that breathes on this planet if you meet them half way.
Some you have to go a bit more than half way and some it is just best to walk away from.
Given enough time I get along with most horses and very much enjoy their company.
I appreciate all they put up with from me as it is not really a fair deal for them.

From that more things grow and many can become "as good as it gets".

There is very little "Bland" in my life...Ha!


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## SPhorsemanship (Apr 5, 2010)

AlexS said:


> and he is quite stupid, like really really stupid. :lol:


I once trained this pony who was also very stupid. I actually found the pony quite easy to train(break) because he was so willing. Smart ponies tend to push back and try to outsmart you a lot more. This pony just did whatever you asked. I didn't do anything complicated with him though, that would have been harder. I trained him as a lesson pony for a little girl. He was so calm. Smart horses aren't always the best horses to have...like my horse who unties himself and get's out of every pasture.


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## ScharmLily (Nov 23, 2009)

I have not read the whole thread, but I just wanted to comment that great bonds can and do exist! This is why I love my arabians so much, because they seem to have such a great capacity to connect with their people.

My gelding, and my first horse, is much more standofish, but he adores me in his own way. He gets very jealous if I don't spend enough time with him, and will get quite grumpy. But, when I spend hours with him, he is the most contented creature ever. He hates the ring, but loves the trails, and when I ride him out, I just feel like we are one. I think that there has to be compromise involved. He definitely won't do just everything for me, but then again, that is a lot to ask anyone, person or animal. What I define as a great bond is when my horses are truly happy to see me, and show real affection when I am around them.

My mare is more the lovebug/cuddlebug. She hates grooming, but will nuzzle and kiss me all day....except when she's eating of course! They all have their own personalities and quirks just like us. She is also more timid than my gelding. She looks to me for guidance when things get scary, and I truly believe that it is our bond that has kept us safe in many situations. 

Is everything always picture perfect, of course not, but then again, nothing in life is perfect. All I know, is that my number one requirement for a horse is a good temperment, and that has kept me happier than anything else.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

Marecare said:


> I am saying that there is a way to get along with about everything that breathes on this planet if you meet them half way.
> Some you have to go a bit more than half way and some it is just best to walk away from.
> Given enough time I get along with most horses and very much enjoy their company.
> I appreciate all they put up with from me as it is not really a fair deal for them.
> ...


Sorry but I personaly don't count that as the magical bond! I love all my horses, I get on well with them all but I don't have that bond with them all.

Sure all my horses trust me, and By god do they respect me. They whinney at feed times etc but I don't have the same level of connection with them as I did with stan. It is quite possible to like a horse and a horse to like you back without having that bond.


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## christopher (Feb 11, 2011)

marecare's right, again.

IMHO that "magical bond" can happen with literally *any* horse, but it takes a *very* special kind of human to make it so. and that human varies from horse to horse.

and in this case i'm yet to be proven wrong, and highly doubt i ever will be.


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## ScharmLily (Nov 23, 2009)

I just wanted to add that I am so glad that I started riding in a small barn, where I had the ability to trust my instincts and bond with my horse in my way. I see so many kids get hardened at big barns with forceful trainers who will never know what a true connection is. It is just sad to me when some kid gets a new horse and doesn't even look at them until it's time to give them a quick flick of the brush and pop the saddle on.

It was winter when I got my first horse, a 19 yr old arab gelding. He was skinny, scared, and completely unkempt. He had been discarded when his former owner went to college, and more or less left to rot in his paddock by the mother who was afraid of the horses. I was elated to get him for free, and I spent hours and hours just brushing him. I still remember the first day when my headshy horse first rested his head on my chest and just stayed there contented. I believe that was the best day of my life. In the summer, I would stay at the barn all day long, cleaning the stall, brushing him, riding, and just hanging out. Sometimes I would ride him into the woods with a good friend and a picnic lunch. My boy would stay with me without even being tied, whereas my friend's pony would try and walk away. I would let him have bites of my sandwich too, which he would take ever so gingerly. We would gallop down dirt roads, just on the verge of out of control, but he never tried to dump me, although he easily could have. I believe that this is what people miss when they are given all these preconcieved notions about hitting and smacking and making the horse do what the rider wants to do, with little concern over what discipline the horse is best suited for.

Respect does need to come first, but don't forget that you also need to earn your horse's trust and love. And as for horses and people that are meant to be, when I bought my mare I just knew that she was the right horse for me. She had been ridden a handful of times, but let me on her back to ride in a grassy paddock. I just knew, and when my parents told me that she was too young and untrained, I cried at the notion that she would not me mine. Months later, we bought her anyway (I am quite convincing!) and she has been great ever since


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

christopher said:


> marecare's right, again.
> 
> IMHO that "magical bond" can happen with literally *any* horse, but it takes a *very* special kind of human to make it so. and that human varies from horse to horse.
> 
> and in this case i'm yet to be proven wrong, and highly doubt i ever will be.


It kind of reminds me of that old story of the lumber jack that finds a fella wandering around way out in the forest and offers some help.

The fellow informed him that he didn't need any help because he was just looking for the "Right" tree to relieve himself.

Some folks just have a hard time finding a tree in the middle of a forest.


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

ScharmLily said:


> I just wanted to add that I am so glad that I started riding in a small barn, where I had the ability to trust my instincts and bond with my horse in my way. I see so many kids get hardened at big barns with forceful trainers who will never know what a true connection is. It is just sad to me when some kid gets a new horse and doesn't even look at them until it's time to give them a quick flick of the brush and pop the saddle on.
> 
> It was winter when I got my first horse, a 19 yr old arab gelding. He was skinny, scared, and completely unkempt. He had been discarded when his former owner went to college, and more or less left to rot in his paddock by the mother who was afraid of the horses. I was elated to get him for free, and I spent hours and hours just brushing him. I still remember the first day when my headshy horse first rested his head on my chest and just stayed there contented. I believe that was the best day of my life. In the summer, I would stay at the barn all day long, cleaning the stall, brushing him, riding, and just hanging out. Sometimes I would ride him into the woods with a good friend and a picnic lunch. My boy would stay with me without even being tied, whereas my friend's pony would try and walk away. I would let him have bites of my sandwich too, which he would take ever so gingerly. We would gallop down dirt roads, just on the verge of out of control, but he never tried to dump me, although he easily could have. I believe that this is what people miss when they are given all these preconcieved notions about hitting and smacking and making the horse do what the rider wants to do, with little concern over what discipline the horse is best suited for.
> 
> Respect does need to come first, but don't forget that you also need to earn your horse's trust and love. And as for horses and people that are meant to be, when I bought my mare I just knew that she was the right horse for me. She had been ridden a handful of times, but let me on her back to ride in a grassy paddock. I just knew, and when my parents told me that she was too young and untrained, I cried at the notion that she would not me mine. Months later, we bought her anyway (I am quite convincing!) and she has been great ever since



Kind of got a tear going in one of my eyes there.
Very nicely expressed.

I have said for years that the best trainer on this earth is a 12 year old girl with a brush in her hand and trust in her heart.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

Marecare, I always love reading your posts and looking at your pictures, your horses are beautiful. Those two babies you have in headlocks - adorable! Especially the cheeky little character on the right, how I would love to come home to him every day!

You know, this thread makes me think about what truly is a bond over and above normal training and what is just a good working relationship. Is there a difference? If there is a difference, how would you recognize it? Got me thinking about my girl who I miss dearly. So here are my thoughts: To me, when a horse does something FOR you, not because you asked them to, or trained them to do, or expected them to do, but because they somehow KNEW that you wanted them to do it. Sounds vague, but here is the example I had in mind:

A couple years ago, my mare in Australia suffered a horrible leg injury, almost took her left hind leg off in a fence. Cut right around the inside of the hock and sheared all the tissue from the bone so that the flesh was hanging just above her fetlock. Nasty. Well the vet stitched her up pretty well but the recovery was slow and painful, especially in the beginning. Every day for the first couple of months I would clean the wound, disinfect it and bandage it, a very painful process for her.

I never had to tie her, ask her to stand or admonish her for not letting me do what I had to do. That mare stood stock still every single time, even though it hurt her badly to have the work done. When I disinfected the wound, she would pick the leg up and wince, just like you or I do when we disinfect cuts of our own. I would let her recover and she would put her leg down in exactly the same spot to allow me to continue. Almost as if she was saying "owwwww.....sigh.....OK go on." Sometimes the process took half an hour, she never complained, tried to walk away or made any part of the process difficult. Her recovery took over six months, in that time she _always_ behaved in this way.

That horse knew what I had to do was going to cause her pain. But she also knew that I was doing something to help her so despite what her instincts probably told her to do, she had enough trust and faith in me that she did her absolute best to behave in a manner that allowed me to just get on with the job, without me ever having to ask her to do it.

There's no way you can train for that.


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

Saraver,

Thank you very much and I think what you are describing (in my words anyway) is the trust* between *to beings.

It is one of the most humbling experiences that can be had.

There is a story here in this part of Northern California about an older man that was showing in one of our cow horse events quite a few years ago.

He was up in years and was on a very powerful and spirited mare and doing a run down the fence where the horse and rider turn the cow into the fence to reverse directions.

Well the horse turned soooo hard that the man was thrown up almost into the seating and was just hanging there by one hand from a pipe panel.
The packed crowd lost their breath as the horse backed up back under her rider that she had lost.

My good friend lost his run that day but left the arena to a standing ovation.


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## bellagris (Dec 6, 2010)

It definitely exists, but as has been repeated on here over and over again, respect is the heart of the relationship. If a horse respects you, they look up to you, trust you, look to you for direction and want to please you and be the horse that gets the first pet at the pen. Once you have their respect, you have their intrest and from their you build trust and love and in doing so form a bond that is unbending. There is nothing for satisfying than hearing your horse nicker when you walk out of the barn because they can't wait for your scratches.

My mare and I have a wonderful bond, I was out for about a month off riding from a concussion and had another girl riding her, I would watch the session and she always kept me in her eye sight, would try to head my way when possible and during cool down I would walk around scoping poop, she -with rider on top, would follow me like a puppy..i stop walking, she stops, i backed up three spaces, she backed up.

When I come to the barn she comes over to the fence and makes sure she is the one there in front of me. The bond exists, but without respect there is no bond because you don't interest them the same as in a herd, the lowest on the totem pole is left alone and tolerated, while the dominant is congregated around. 


Sounds like you're on the right track to building a relationship!


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

christopher said:


> IMHO that "magical bond" can happen with literally *any* horse, but it takes a *very* special kind of human to make it so. and that human varies from horse to horse.


The way I read what you have written here is that not every horse can bond with every person. (You say that the special human varies from horse to horse.)

Is that what you meant to say? Because that is what you are saying. And I do not believe that is in agreement with what Marecare is insisting to be true.


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## christopher (Feb 11, 2011)

no, when i say "and that human varies from horse to horse" i literally mean *that* human varies from horse to horse, meaning that single person knows how to vary his/her behaviour from horse to horse.

the ability to effectively do that is necessary is being able to have this "magical" bond with all horses.

but it's totally possible for a single man to have this bond with every horse he encounters. it'd take a very "enlightened one" to do so, but very possible.

i've no doubt marecare is a person like this, judging from the wisdom and humbility i take from his posts.


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## Marecare (Jan 1, 2009)

christopher said:


> no, when i say "and that human varies from horse to horse" i literally mean *that* human varies from horse to horse, meaning that single person knows how to vary his/her behaviour from horse to horse.
> 
> the ability to effectively do that is necessary is being able to have this "magical" bond with all horses.
> 
> ...



I think you are very kind to offer such a complement Christopher.

I have had several horses here through the years that get me to scratching my head and wondering what I am doing wrong.
I kind of picture them doing the same about me.

Some horses come in here after an extended stay where they were very unhappy and it takes some time to sort things out and find where they are going to be happy and how they really want to interact with humans.

We just try to open one door at a time.

We had an older TB that came in and was so nervous and upset he would not even graze on lush grass unless a human was holding the lead rope.
He had been kept in a 12x12 stall in a big city his whole life and never had been introduced to the outdoors or a herd.

It took about three years and we got him into the herd and he really opened up to everything around him before he passed on.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Marecare said:


> I think you are very kind to offer such a complement Christopher.
> 
> I have had several horses here through the years that get me to scratching my head and wondering what I am doing wrong.
> I kind of picture them doing the same about me.
> ...


Marecare, this brought a tear to my eyes. Fortunately his path crossed with yours and he finally got to be a horse. 

I just came in from feeding/watering my horses. Of course it is snowing like crazy with the wind just a blowing. So, the horses were a bit hyped up. What do they do when one jumps and panics the other? Why, head directly for me of course! All I need to do is say "easy now" and they stop their foolishness. Must be because they trust me and know I'll keep em safe. Though I must say, my heart does skip a few beats at first! :wink:


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## TheLovedOne (Jan 26, 2011)

There are so many good posts here! Marecare I love apple pie.

My yearling QH got a little spooked and promptly came to me and stood behind me - gosh she's so cute. I'll have to get a photo of her and post it. She's out of a ranch bred QH that is a granddaughter of Peppy San. She's just about as perfect as you can imagine  OK maybe I'm a little biased.


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## moorland (Nov 2, 2008)

i sure it can happen ,but it is quite rare and is more about your personalities jelling 
i used to run my own training school with dogs and after about 4 weeks often i'd want to take each dog and swap handlers as some people suited some dogs personality wise and some didn't and although they have obedient dogs and they would be trained ,

there were some that you could see there would be a parteriship /bond, some they would just live together i rememeber a fairly famous dog obedience trainer saying that a dog is a blank sheet ,or shelf there is nothing there apart from what we put in ,ie life experience and training ,
i'm not sure this is true ,there must be personality as well ,what makes some animals want to dominate or be lead ,
i've even noticed it in sheep they have their freinds some are enemies and hate each other ,some put up with each other ,if sheep can reconise 50 faces of other sheep ,horses must be in about the same league 
they repond to body laugage ,even pictures of a smiling people at the end of a race 
the sheep will go towards the smiling person that they are looked after by not to the scowling picture of the same person ,there were quite a few experiements done on it not sure if the same ones have been done with horses it would be interesting 
so it must be a very complex bond that happens with horses as well 
i used to work at a riding stables and dealers many years ago there was 2 horses there i bonded with ,
rode lots that were better trained ,but 2 suited my personality and i theirs ,lots that i enjoyed riding but only 2 that i felt i bonded with ,one was really pretty and talented and one was a pony ,so not even a type ,any thoughts ,just mulling it over ,and a really interesting question


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## Citrus (Feb 26, 2010)

I think the bond does exist...I know our boy loves both of "his girls" (my daughter and I) because he comes to us in the pasture, right when we start whistling. He will shove the other horses out of the way, or give them the "you better move" look so he can bee-line to us. Don't get me wrong, he does not run, but he does not run anyways, he ambles with a swish in his step. It took time for us to build this bond, which included not always riding (just brushing and loving sometimes), ending on a good note, and never punishing (I said punishing, not correcting). I love when we get in the car to drive off, and he has his head over the fence, watching us as we go..... as we are tossing out "I love you"s from our car windows. I am positive he misses us as much as we miss him.


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