# How to gain confidence?



## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Ok, the second time I ever rode a horse(the first time was an hour horse trek) the horse kept bolting with me. I was on the second trek for an hour and during that time I braced myself for him to bolt. It wasn't fun, but suprisingly I was able to hold on and not fall off. 
Now I have just started riding at a stables near me and I have lost all my confidence. I mean, I can ride an stuff. But I'm always stiff and pulling on the reins to stop the horse. I am always bracing myself for the horse to bolt. 
I need some help. My parents & riding instructor keep telling me to relax in the saddle but I get nervous. How can I get my confidence back? It's not fair on the horse, Trigger, that I ride. He is such a good boy though and stops everytime. I also need to be a bit firm with him because he is so lazy and wont start walking unless you be really stern like "Trigger, walk on." or slap him on the ***.
So please help. I'm not nervous with grooming or anything. Just riding.


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## claireauriga (Jun 24, 2008)

Practice will help. Remember, in your lesson you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with doing, you don't have to go faster than you want and you can stop any time you like. The more you are in the saddle and finding that the horse listens and obeys, the more comfortable and confident you will feel.

To help yourself physically relax, remember to breathe! When we get tense on a horse, we often hold our breath without realising it. If you take a moment or two (either when walking or standing still) to just concentrate on breathing steadily, with your stomach moving rather than your chest, it will help your whole body relax.

You pointed out that the horse is very willing to stop and you need to be firm with him to get him to actually do anything. I love lesson horses <3 They are perfectly happy to stand still for the whole lesson if that's what you want to do. Your horse has seen it all. It doesn't surprise him when someone raises their voice or the rider does something wrong or a car goes past. He's in his home, with many of his friends nearby. So he's not going to spook or bolt.

And, if he did, you're in an arena. He can't go far and he can't build up loads of speed because it's enclosed and he'd have to turn corners, which slows him down. Add on the fact that the instructor is there, and perhaps some other riders and horses - if he did bolt, he'd maybe canter a few strides then slow right down. He would definitely listen to you telling him what to do because he wouldn't be scared running out in the open with the whole world in front of him. He'd be in a place where riders always tell him what to do, where he's quite safe; he can't get so scared or nervous in the arena because it's all so familiar to him.

It will take some time but you've already made the biggest step in the right direction by getting back on a horse. It's okay to spend some time just doing very simple, basic things, reassuring yourself everything is alright. Explain to your instructor that you're feeling nervous and anticipating a bolt or shy, and ask if you could spend your lesson doing simple things to help your confidence. Walk around the arena focusing on your breathing, do halt transitions (asking him to stop) all around the arena so you can feel how easy he is to stop, ride circles so you can see how much he listens to you. As you walk around and think about your breathing, try and relax each group of muscles so that you can feel how the horse is moving. You'll feel that he's moving along quite slowly and lazily, that he's not tense at all. Believe me, even us beginners can feel when the horse is tense and nervous! Have the instructor walk alongside you if you need to. There's no need to feel silly or embarrassed about having lost some confidence.

Good luck!


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Tayz, after many year absence from horses and riding, I got back into it as an adult. My gosh it seemed way to high up and I was all nerves. I asked my instructor to please walk next to me, which she was happy to do. I was able to relax, breathe, and after a while, remember the joy of riding! Take it slow and easy, it's always the best way.


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Thanks, You guys have helped so much. Yep, Trigger has seen everything. He is a very old horse who has never bolted in his life(apparently) I'll take up your suggestions...


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## claireauriga (Jun 24, 2008)

I hope your lessons go well  Trigger sounds like a great horse, just the kind to take care of a beginner.

If you're anything like me, there's so much to learn and do that while you're trying to focus on one thing, you forget to do another! Heels down hands straight toes forward relax your leg loosen your back keep your chin up ... but I find that when my instructor calls out the things I need to do, I am able to remember and make myself do them. Ask her to remind you to breathe every now and again  Mine do it for me. And if you consciously think about relaxing each part of your body you can get everything going more smoothly.

Let us know how the next lesson goes


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Thanks. I always do those things ^^ especially look down. Trigger is a gentle giant, a great horse for any beginner


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## bilyeuamber (Mar 2, 2009)

I would do some stretches before riding if you get tense. I kow that sounds silly, ut if you loosen up and get on the horse not being so uptight, the horse will sense it and relax as well. Horses read body language as a means of communication. If you are tense, theyll catch on. (which im sure you already know!) If that doesnt help, I would suggest trotting for a while. When you are trotting, you are most likely posting and you dont have as much of a chance to be so uptight because your mind and body will both be busy. Hope it helps!


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Thanks, We aren't allowed to trot much yet because we are too much of beginners. They are slowly getting us into trotting. They made us lean right back in the saddle and trot around the ring(someone leading the horse) It was very uncomftable and to be honest it is easier if you are sitting up.


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## claireauriga (Jun 24, 2008)

At first, I couldn't get the hang of rising trot at all. I just couldn't find the rhythm. But gradually it will click and become completely automatic 

I was often told to lean back as well when riding a gait the first few times. It's because our instinct is to hunch over and lean forwards, which tenses up our legs and makes us bounce more. Leaning back isn't really correct either, because you're 'behind the motion', but it feels a bit more stable than sitting straight up when you're just starting out, and it lets you relax your legs. Also, because you'll instinctively lean forwards, you'll probably end up sitting quite upright!


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## shmurmer4 (Dec 27, 2008)

sit in a sports car with a cougar.


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## brookvillequine (Mar 3, 2009)

I am a riding coach, one of my students had this horse that bolted all the time, I told her its all about confidence within herself, breathing helps and try singing in your head, or counting, that really helps to keep your mind off it and then you will relax. U have to conquer it! and u will  My student would jump a course and her horse would go nuts, I made her sing outloud, as soon as she did, her horse calmed down and relaxed, as soon as she stopped singing, she thought about her nerves again and he went nuts again. Horses sense your nervousness, they will either take advantage of it, or babysit you, sounds like trigger is taking care of you. dont worry you will get over it! good luck


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

You're right about the singing. When out by myself, there have been a few times that I would break out in song for my own benefit. Thank god my horses a very forgiving of my voice!:shock:


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## brookvillequine (Mar 3, 2009)

lol yeah they are great for tolerating us ****...... it does help to keep your mind off things!


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## randiekay215 (Feb 6, 2009)

Haha nice shmurmer4...Way to go all "Ricky Bobby" on us. 

Anyway, there are a lot of great suggestions on here already. I would probably say to just relax. I know that's what you're having a hard time with, but horses TOTALLY know when you're tense, and that makes them tense. So essentially the way you feel is the way the horse feels as well. Either that (if you have a good horse) or the horse will try to take advantage of you (if you have a rotten horse). Either way, he's going to feel you out. Like mentioned before horses are huge on body language. Don't let your past experiences hinder you from enjoying new ones. Its not fair to you and its not fair to the horse you're riding either. Just stay calm and enjoy the ride!! Its soooo much fun, and you need to have fun when riding instead of being worried. Horses really just want to take care of you. There are a few stinkers out there, but it sounds like the horse you're riding is a gentle giant. Have fun and enjoy!!!


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Thanks for all the advice. I am defiently going to use it next lesson(not tomorow but the next day) Trigger couldn't hurt a fly. (even though they drive him insane on stinken hot days) ^^


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

Hmmm is Trigger a big bay fella?


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Yep, He is huge.... The biggest horse at the club. But they put me on him because I am the tallest in my group and one of the most nervous....Still, I wanted to ride Sonnett, A beautiful chestnut who is a perfect horse.


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

I think I know the riding school you are going to. I used to ride there, and Sonnett is a chestnut and he has lost a bit of fur on his face?


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Yeah!!! That's him. He is quite bald. Across the waves horse riding club inc.


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

Yeah! I used to ride there, dont worry about Trigger he is to old and lazy to bolt. Good people there, cant really give you any advice about confidence as I dont have much myself.


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Do you live around that area? Yeah he is way old 
Today I rode him again today and they have decided I should ride a horse who I don't have to practically slap to get walking. Hopefully I am on a smaller horse...


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

Yeah, do they still have Dudley? Loved that pony!


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

I don't really know any of the horses yet. what colour is he??


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

He is a grey pony, but there was around 2 other grey ponies out there when I was there.


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

hmmm...I don't think so. I don't think they have any grey's now. They have a white one though. He is gorgeous.

Do you live around that area? how come you stopped going there?


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

Yeah by grey I mean white  sorry.

Yeah I live in the same town, not very close to the riding school though and I stopped going there because I bought a pony and no longer have enough time. I was thinking about starting up again to gain a bit of confidence.


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

well, there is a white horse. He is quite tall  I don't know his name.
I live about half an hour away from there...
They really do help with getting your confidence up...Mine's coming back suprisngly quickly(including the help from all the people on here)


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## CrazyChester (May 5, 2008)

Oh you have quite the drive! 
The people on here have helped me alot. Good luck with your riding lessons!


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Thanks. Goodluck with your pony...
Yep, the ipod helps with the drive


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## Hoofprints in the Sand (Nov 23, 2008)

Just getting some good rides in where nothing bad happens will help build your confidence back up -- I like one of the other suggestions about having a trainer or someone else you trust walk next to you for awhile, that would definitely make me feel better! I had a fall a couple months back and had to gain my confidence back up too, I was getting very nervous every time I would ride which was making my horse nervous! I ended up asking my trainer to ride her for me a few times, and seeing him with good rides started making me feel better, like "ok she's not going to bolt again like I keep thinking she is!"

I would start out letting him ride her for 1/2 hour or so, then I would get on and walk her around with him still in the arena with us. After awhile, the confidence started to come back! Also, another great tip someone else mentioned was remembering to breathe so that you stay relaxed...a good way to do this is to count your horse's steps...for whatever reason, it works! If you are counting out loud when your horse is walking or trotting, you are breathing in and out without thinking about it  Worked for me anyway! I was jumping one day and my trainer wanted me to count the number of steps my horse took before the jump...I had no idea why, but did it anyway...he told me later it was just so that I would remember to breathe so I'd stay relaxed!


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Thanks for the interesting ideas, I'll be sure to use them


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## my2geldings (Feb 18, 2008)

You need to find an older horse that has done it all and will be quiet and forgiving of your riding. As you get better, you will learn more and more and it will allow you to ride younger and fresher horses.

My first horse was a 15 year old mare who had done it all and every subsequent horse after that was younger and greener.

Good Luck


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## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

Has anyone taught you the one rein stop, or the concept of disengaging the hind end? After many years of leasing, I bought my first horse, an OTTB, at the age of 40. I was more than aware that getting hurt was not an option since I am my sole income provider. My horse is a saint for the most part, but he has his "happy" moments, his share of spooks and times when he really wants to catch up with the horse in front of us on the trails. I found out something very powerful that horses don't seem to know. That is, unless we prove it to our horses that we cannot control them, they don't know it. How do you control them? It's all in the hind end. If you can, have your trainer show you the one rein stop. All it is involves taking off all leg pressure, sitting deep, letting one rein go loose while pulling the horse's head around with the other. Practice it at the walk, then the trot, and when you get really good at it, the canter. The idea of the one rein stop is, if you take away the horse's ability to run off on a straight line, you take away their power. Most horses learn the concept very quickly and will come to a halt as soon as they feel you start to take up contact on the rein. Once they know you have this move in your tool box, they quickly loose interest in bolting. You have to catch them before they get into full bolt mode or else you can throw them too far off balance, but it's safe to use within the first two steps or so. At worst, you make a big circle instead of sudden stop. Just use your head. Sorta fast = turn him more. Way fast = big circle. 

Another tool that is very usefull is a dressage move called shoulder fore. I highly recommend learning it. If you're just walking your horse around the ring or on a trail and even think he might bolt, shoulder fore puts one of his hind legs directly under his body and again blocks straight line movement. It's a very valueable tool. 

I can tell you for certain that both are extreme confidence boosters. The proof is in my ride last week. I was out on a trail just walking along like all was right with the world. Out of nowhere, my horse did this major league spook. He spun around and tried to take off. Within the few very strong strides, I dropped the one rein and just started to pull on the other and he stopped on a dime. He was still very tense and jiggy, but I was absolutely amazed at how all the training we had worked on created such an instant response. I then had to use shoulder fore for the next 100 yards or so to get him past the monster without bolting again. He wasn't thrilled about it, but I had full control all the way home. HUGE confidence booster. 

Good luck.


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## livetoride7777777 (Apr 11, 2009)

Yeah, for me it is alot of practice and learning from other, more experienced trainers! I have gone to a few clinics although they are pretty expensive. I have also rented ALOT of training DVDs from giddyupflix.com which has been very helpful. I like seeing how different trainers have different teaching philosophies and styles.


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## Tayz (Jan 24, 2009)

Yeah well thanks for the tips everyone 
Update- Horse riding is going great, my confidence is really good. I am usually on my favourite horse Sonnett, who is a very old horse. We are learning to trott now and go around poles. My trott rythm is very bad at the moment, but I've only had 2 lessons so far on trotting, and one was only at the end.
Sonnett has a very smooth trott and canter apparently and he has been a great ride for me. I am starting to be very bossy because he is such a lazy horse and was trying to cut corners, but I refused to let him cut them. We have been working in the arena, going around poles and just trotting around, and I was just getting the rythm when my lesson was over. drat. now I don't have another lesson for 2 weeks...


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## ILoveGeorgieMyPony (Apr 19, 2009)

Funny thing is exact same thing happened to me,and i am cantering horses around arena's,ridden in the bush and doing shows. What helped me was that i started riding an older,quiet horse with an experienced,brilliant instructor and i just kept on breathing and focusing and now i have myself a lovely little 8 year old standardbred mare, who has never put a foot wrong


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## bsdhorse (Mar 28, 2009)

Well, I'm new to horses still. We've had a horse for about 3-4 weeks now.

My horse, kicked at me, bucked me off and all sorts of things in the first few days. It destroyed my confidence completely, I was scared to go near any horse.

Today, I rode a 14 yr old mare. She was so lazy and tired. I walked her around for about 15 mins then I finally decided I wanted to trot/canter for the first time. I did that with sucess.

After riding her for about 30-45 mins in total, I was no longer scared to be near horses as I was.

I was even game enough to get on my sisters horse, who is quite green and fidgets all the time. It all went well.

My point is, just ride an easy going horse and try and have the owner/trainer with you to point things out, they really make a difference. 

Today was also the first day I've been to Pony Club. I did everything, barrel racing, pole bending etc. I had an awesome day, it's hard to believe that yesterday i was scared to even trot, or even go near a horse.


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