# Wanting a horse's love



## Clava (Nov 9, 2010)

Life always seems simpler in the past, and yes I agree...things have changed.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Sometimes I think if I hear the word 'respect' one more time I'll scream because far too many people seem to think it involves running a horse around until its fit to drop and then when it comes to you because its totally exhausted and bored they cry out in delight that they've bonded with it and it respects them!!!
If you make clear boundaries for your horse, treat it fairly, take care of it on a daily basis - not just when you want to ride and drag it in from the field once a week - then they respect you and trust you
I used to head off on my own when I was 11 or 12 and be out all day - I'm not sure I could say that pony loved me but she certainly did take good care of me!!!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Saddlebag said:


> Many moons ago when I was a teen, bonding with a horse wasn't something we even thought about. We all enjoyed the horses, respected them and demanded good manners in return. It wasn't a matter of wanting the horse to love us nor us needing to love on and cuddle the horse. We groomed them, rode them, and put them away and left them to be horses. None were barn sour or herd sour. People that I knew rarely ran into difficulties with their horses. Something changed and now people, women want the horse to love them and have this idea that demanding respect is akin to a beating. Because of this we hear of many many cases where the horse has no respect for it's owner. I sometimes wonder where I was during the transition period.


 
Are you sure you don't have on some rose colored glasses today? when I was a teen, teen girls always wanted a horse to love them. they didn't just ride them and put them away. the love affair fantasy was alive and well, 40 years ago.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

It's not just women. I've met my fair share of men who wanted to love a horse into being trained.

Also, I don't think that it's necessarily more common, but I do think it's more commercialized. After all, 20 years ago I never would have known anything about all those silly teens running around on youtube making fools of themselves but now it seems I can't get on youtube without being bombarded by 20-30 of them daily.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Certainly when I was a girl most people didn't have a pony or horse unless they'd first learnt how to ride it and had someone on hand to help them learn how to care for it - nowadays they seem to hurl themselves in at the deep end
Most ponies and horses were broke by people who knew what they were doing too and a beginner almost always bought or leased a real schoolmaster
There were very few 'pasture puffs', people couldn't or wouldn't afford to keep a horse that did nothing - other than a few people who kept a retired one as a companion for a riding horse. If they were no good physically or mentally they went to the kennels or to the slaughter yard if you wanted some cash out of it


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## Clava (Nov 9, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> Are you sure you don't have on some rose colored glasses today? when I was a teen, teen girls always wanted a horse to love them. they didn't just ride them and put them away. the love affair fantasy was alive and well, 40 years ago.


 
Well, we never talked about "bonding" with a horse, I honestly didn't expect my ponies to love me but I honestly think that it is only over time that I have started to understand what they are capable of :wink:


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## Bagheera (Apr 23, 2013)

Even when I was a little kid I understood that the horses "loved" the treats I gave them more then they "loved" me. Lol In all seriousness though, I wish the whole idea of loving your horse into respecting you, would disappear. I've had to fix way too many horses that were "trained" this way. It's total crap and so many people get hurt by those kind of ideals because their horse has become dangerous.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Beating a horse up won't earn you its respect either though - I really think that too many people get stuck with either the loving or the bullying and totally miss what really matters


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## Incitatus32 (Jan 5, 2013)

I was always taught that any "love" from the horses came from years and years of a working partnership between the two of you. It wasn't the lovey-dovey teenager youtube crap, it was having a horse that would rip his heart out of his chest to do anything you asked of him. Love for me is having the horse that always worked for you, had good manners, and that never left you behind. For these reason I do believe that my two love me. A safe and working partnership with the horse is first priority for me, any form of love can come later because it's built on years of respect and work, not fifteen minuets a day and you can ride without tack.

Then again I was taught that "bonding" was knowing the individual horse inside and out and know how to communicate with them. One of my instructors would just send me out in the field to watch the horse I was going to ride in the herd because I needed to know what and how he thought, know his movements and basically be able to read him like an open book. I had to figure out how to calm him, how to communicate with him under saddle and on the ground and how to earn his trust/respect/get good results from him. 

(And I've seen a lot of men baby their horses as well, it isn't just women :wink


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## loveduffy (Dec 22, 2011)

Horses respect the leader most people do not get that


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

The word discipline is often confused with hitting a horse. Discipline is the teaching of. A disciple is an old term for teacher. When I'd owned a horse for 23 years I greatly respected him because I knew his likes and dislikes and he knew mine. By the time he was 8 we communicated on a level I didn't know was possible.


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

Incitatus32;4345834
(And I've seen a lot of men baby their horses as well said:


> How true, and I'm one of them....but I baby my wife too.....and if you have a good one....(horse or wife), then why not? I tell both of them everyday how much I love them...and don't see myself changing anytime soon....
> 
> That said, there are times when a stern correction is necessary...but from my point of view...I don't think a lot of correction is necessary provided you correct at the proper time and only use the force necessary to get the lesson taught....
> 
> Besides....Miss Lacy has the biggest, bluest eyes with long lashes....and she bats them at me so sweetly.....she's a heart stealer.....so yea....I love my horse....


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

You love your horse but are you expecting the same kind of love in return? This is what I'm referring to. I'm not sure if I love my horses per se. I do enjoy being around them on a daily basis. Boarding them out would be much easier in winter but then the place would be empty without them. And we get -35F. I'm out there 3 times a day.


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

*Thanks! I couldn't agree more!*



Bagheera said:


> Even when I was a little kid I understood that the horses "loved" the treats I gave them more then they "loved" me. Lol In all seriousness though, I wish the whole idea of loving your horse into respecting you, would disappear. I've had to fix way too many horses that were "trained" this way. It's total crap and so many people get hurt by those kind of ideals because their horse has become dangerous.


 Thank you and well said! Yes, my horses recognize the sound of my truck and talk to me as I enter the barn. Yes, they seem genuinely happy and excited to see me but do I believe they love me-No! They trust me, respect me enough to behave correctly and "love" the treats.
Dogs were bred specifically to love their humans, but horses were bred to be a working tool.
That said-I certainly do love them despite the fact that the feeling is not returned equally!


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

Saddlebag said:


> You love your horse but are you expecting the same kind of love in return?


No, she's a horse.....she loves me when I feed her....and she loves me when I groom her.....and when I take her places......I don't think horses can show the same type of love, but still, I get an enormous amount of pleasure from her....she's my big blue eyed baby....


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I love my horse and he loves me. End of story. xD


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## Jessabel (Mar 19, 2009)

I've found that horses seek out your company more when they're disciplined (as in, made to behave, not beaten or anything like that). They feel secure with an assertive leader. Babying them ironically has the opposite effect.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Jessabel said:


> I've found that horses seek out your company more when they're disciplined (as in, made to behave, not beaten or anything like that). They feel secure with an assertive leader. Babying them ironically has the opposite effect.


Jessabel that was certainly my experience years ago when Walka was young. Walka became calmer and mellower after I was trained in how to be a leader to him. The change was simply amazing to me, and because of me! Which meant that I of course was the problem to begin with! :shock:


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

A horse are incapable of loving humans. Many will display a pleasing dependency that may be interpreted as love.


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## SaskGal (Apr 18, 2012)

I can personally say I love my horses, probably would save them before a person. However I don't believe they love me, they like when I tickle them or feed them but when I'm training anyone of them love goes out the window and respect is what I ask for.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Incitatus32 (Jan 5, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> A horse are incapable of loving humans. Many will display a pleasing dependency that may be interpreted as love.


While I do believe that this is true most of the time I do think that horses are capable of actually loving a human. My trainers ex show horse is treated the same by both of us. We discipline the same, treat him the same, etc. If I (in example) were to get on him and ask him to do something that he absolutely hated he would balk and fuss. With her, he would go over the moon to get it done. 

I don't have any sort of "black stallion" disillusionment, my gelding is many things, when it comes to the fact that at the end of the day I'm the almighty feed bag. However, I do think that he loves me to a degree. I can ask him to do something out of his league for me and he would kill himself to do it. Maybe that's loyalty but I think that with any form of loyalty there comes a certain amount of love. 

What I'm trying to say is that I do believe horses are capable of loving humans but I don't think it's shown as obviously as people think it is and I don't think it comes after a few months of owning the horse - I think it comes after a few years.


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## SaskGal (Apr 18, 2012)

Ok so here is a little different question. Do u think your horse would mourn your lose? This can be seen by a horse when another herd member dies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

That is a dang fine question and sometimes I really wonder just how much horses understand and feel.

We got Nester from an old cowboy friend just before he (the cowboy friend) passed away. His funeral procession went right by our pasture on the way to the cemetery. As the hearse turned the corner, our entire herd, led by Nester, went to stand along the fenceline in a row and watched all the cars drive by. As soon as the funeral procession was done, they slowly walked back to their hay bale...and Nester was the last to leave the fenceline.

Now, I'm sure there are some that would say it was nothing more than coincidence, and that's entirely possible, but it sure made me wonder. :think:


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Do horses mourn the death of another or is it because there is an upset in herd dynamics?


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## Incitatus32 (Jan 5, 2013)

I'm really starting to get into this thread. haha

I think that horses do mourn, people, other animals I think when someone leaves who they love then they grieve. 
A year ago my mare lost her "boyfriend". They were in the same herd and did everything together for the past eight or nine years. They weren't herd bound in the slightest to one another and never had a problem leaving the others side because as soon as they were together again they went off together. He was dying and we brought him up to the barn so that the vet could look at him and my mare busted through six fences and a gate to stand by his side. She wasn't tethered or haltered at all and in an open area where she could have just run off. When he was being put to sleep she stood over him, laid down with him and when it was all said and done she didn't leave his body for days, didn't even wander out of the property line. When she went back into the field she just walked around and looked like she was mourning. If I had any doubts that a horse could mourn death than she cleared it all away from her actions. 

If a horse can mourn a horse then can't it mourn a human as well? As people we mourn the loss of a dog and another human it may not be as drastic or the same but it's mourning. Also everything grieves differently. I think certain horses can mourn the loss of a person and not show it at all while others make it quite obvious. I know I've had several instances with horses and other animals that have made me think that they do grieve and have their own sort of funeral for the deceased. I've seen horses stand over the grave where one was buried and just wait, I watched a horse where we boarded lose his owner, when they carried her body out he followed the ambulance down the lane and was disconsolate for quite some time, and I've seen horses wait for their people and won't move until their person arrives. 

I do believe that a big difference and maybe why we question if a horse mourns is because they continue on with their lives. (As harsh as it might sound). I've noticed that in humans when a person dies it takes a bit longer than it does a horse to accept the death and move on (not in a completely normal sense but in a "as best we can" sense). Horses (and animals in general) seem to realize better than us at times, that death is an inescapable fact of life. They seem to know that they need to reflect on the good times and continue living life to the fullest because eventually it will be their turn. Just my thoughts.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

Saddlebag--How do you know that they are incapable? To say that a horse is incapable of loving a human, would that not also suggest that they are incapable of loving at all?

I am under the impression that horses have the ability to feel affection, or love.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Then why not relate your observations?


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

A horse that's kept alone will welcome company, be it a human, dog, cat, goat. If a horse loves a person then it won't immediately run off or attempt to when another horse shows up? If the horse loves a human then it will be always obedient, never put the rider at risk with a buck or spook.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

^Love between two people does not always imply obedience, or constant companionship. Why would it between a horse and a person?


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Saddlebag said:


> A horse that's kept alone will welcome company, be it a human, dog, cat, goat. If a horse loves a person then it won't immediately run off or attempt to when another horse shows up? If the horse loves a human then it will be always obedient, never put the rider at risk with a buck or spook.


I love my mother, but I don't always obey her. Why would I expect my horse to obey me just be cause he/she loves me?

I think every horse has their own unique personalities and will display affection and emotion in their own way. My beloved mare T was very stoic and was the head mare in a group of about twenty horses. When I would go out to get her she would come to me but run the other horses off from being too close to me. At the same time she would follow my directions and certainly always minded her manners around me. Did she love me? I'd like to think she had affection for me. While she was opinionated and let me know, she would follow my wishes after expressing her own. Yes, she saw me as the leader, or did she see me as a worthy partner? I'd love to acquire that relationship with Walka or Misty, but may never because of their own unique personalities. 

When T passed I personally watched Walka grieve for her. It was his final acceptance of her not physically being there any longer that helped me get a handle on my own grief. He had never known a moment without his mother except for the weekends she was away with me on overnight trailrides. When she passed he knew almost instantly and began screeching for her. Very traumatic, very emotional. When he called the last time for her the next day (he called for her throughout the night) after checking every possible place she could be, he came to me and put that big head on my chest to be rubbed and never uttered another sound. Simply amazing to me.

So I think each horse feels emotions but like people, there are many different personalities and they therefore demonstrate their emotions differently. My girl T kept alot inside, Walka let's you know exactly what's going on with him. Misty is still showing me her personality.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I can understand a horse seeking solace with it's owner. As for love, it's often something I hear from newbies. "I want my horse to love me". What is missing in their life that they need this large animal to love them? This is an issue that has arisen in the last 20 yrs or so. Horses were thought of as livestock, not to be abused, but being loved by a horse wasn't an expectation or desire or even crossed their mind.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Saddlebag said:


> Many moons ago when I was a teen, bonding with a horse wasn't something we even thought about. We all enjoyed the horses, respected them and demanded good manners in return. It wasn't a matter of wanting the horse to love us nor us needing to love on and cuddle the horse. We groomed them, rode them, and put them away and left them to be horses. None were barn sour or herd sour. People that I knew rarely ran into difficulties with their horses. Something changed and now people, women want the horse to love them and have this idea that demanding respect is akin to a beating. Because of this we hear of many many cases where the horse has no respect for it's owner. I sometimes wonder where I was during the transition period.


I think I grew up about the same time you did. I messed with my horse every day, brushing, grooming, bathing, clipping, riding, showing and all of that. I adored my horse for being a horse and I adored how he tried his heart out for me in the ring. Did he love me? I don't know that that thought ever crossed my mind. He was always there for me. I remember sitting on top of him in his stall and just sobbing into his mane when I heard the news that my trainer's very beloved dad had terminal cancer. The horse allowed me to sog up his mane and hang on his neck while he ate his dinner. I guess that's a form of horsey love, not to get irritated if you mess with them while they eat. 

Respect was never an issue back then. We were taught from small children that horses were here for us to use and to control. It went right along with responsibility to the animal. We took them in, domesticated them and now we had the responsibility for their well being, to feed, vet and have the farrier out for them because we had taken away their ability to do anything for themselves. For all of that we expected to be minded when we asked them to do something. It just WAS. 

My boarder made the comment the other day when her horse was going in to be gelded, "I hope he won't hate me.". ???? We never even thought about stuff like that. 

I've noticed a corresponding lack of ability to ask for respect from others, along with the new lack of ability to ask for respect from a horse. When did we become doormats? The same people who can't demand respect from a horse are the same ones who can't tell someone that they are infringing on their personal space, "That would be mean, I can't do that." or "But they won't like me if I do that.". When did we all decide we were so worthless that we couldn't have standards? 

Oh boy, here I go, thinking before noon again......that's akin to playing with knives and I'm not allowed to do that either.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

I never suggested that horses should be treated like puppies. xD To love a horse doesn't immediately imply (a word I am apparently fond of in this thread xD) rude pasture puffs xD

I love my horse, but I'll be ****ed if he doesn't respect me xD


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## HorseMom1025 (Jul 17, 2012)

It's an interesting question and I think it's all based on our personal definition (and experience) of love.

I love my husband. I know this because I cannot imagine my life without him in it. But, I don't expect him to obey me without question. . (It would be nice!)

I love my daughter. She is my world and I would give my life to save hers. I do demand her respect and obedience (because she is still young), but as she grows and matures, she is given more freedom. I hope that someday she will be an independent adult and a productive member of society.

I love our horse. She fulfills my childhood dreams. She can be a brat and wear my patience thin at times, but she is also extremely intelligent, an easy keeper and a willing companion to my daughter.

Does she love us back? Hard to say. I know she respects me because I demand it. I know she looks forward to my visits because she runs to the gate when she sees my car. I think she loves my daughter because she shows affection and devotion to her. She is protective of her little girl and will do things for my daughter more willingly than she will for me. (We both rode her on a trail obstacle challenge. There was one obstacle that I just could NOT get her thru. My daughter had to ask twice, and finally Acey went thru.). I know that during the summer, when my daughter is away, she will search for her, and looks sad/disappointed when she realizes that she is not with me.

But, is that love? I really don't know. I think we do tend to anthropomorphise the animals in our lives, but perhaps just like animals change us, we change them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nokotaheaven (Apr 11, 2012)

When I was a kid I just wanted to love upon them and ride them and do whatever I wanted with them and expected them to behave. I never mistreated them though. That changed around the time I turned 12 though, when I got my first Appaloosa. I would go out there and love upon her, just put on her rope halter & lead then just go hit the trails for a couple hours every day (yes I always wore a helmet). Just by doing that she really bonded with me and I had found a soulmate.... Which she proved just how much she loved me when she was once threatened to be kicked if she didn't move and I (not seeing what was going on) told her to stay... She stayed. The horse kicked her with both hind feet (he had shoes on). She stood and took the hit. Had she moved away from the kick, it would have hit me and my back would have been torn open. She was fine too, just got a couple minor cuts.
It was because of her that I realized that I not only want to bond with my horses, but I need to..


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