# New Book I'm Making...



## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

Hey guys! I like to write just for fun, and I had this idea of a book a long time ago but never got to writing it. So I started today and I have a page done, I thought I might as well share it and you guys can give me suggestions and stuff. Something I'm really bad at is starting a book so I'll show you what I've got and maybe it's okay, but maybe it's not and you can just...well suggest things for me and comment? haha thanks!

(I'll post it in a sec!)


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

I stared out my window as we drove. Past huge green meadows and fields of corn.
"We're almost there!!" My mom exclaimed clapping her hands like a little girl.
I continued to stare out the window, my ipod playing music in my ears. My music, my band. The band I can no longer be a part of.
I watched the shadow of our truck and horse trailer as we pulled into a long dirt driveway.
"We're here!" My dad announced.
"Oh my gosh, it's beautiful! Look at those pastures, they're huge! Oh, Satyra's going to gain so much weight out there!" My sister, Carlee, rambled on. Satyra is her hrose. I just sighed and leaned back in my seat.
"Oh, man! This is totally insane! An indoor arena?! Isn't this great, Taylia?" Carlee exclaimed jumping up and down in her seat.
"Yeah. Wonderful." I mumbled. 
We parked infront of a big red-and-white barn. There was a big blue-and-grey house to the left. Connected to the back of the barn there was a big indoor arena. Behind that was a round pen. To the right of the barn there were paddocks and an outdoor arena by the driveway. Trails were at the very back of the property with a creek running through them.




Continuing later  So what do you think so far


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

"Okay, here we are. So, we'll each take two hroses and we'll walk them around. They're going to be stiff and have a lot of energy, okay?" Dad said.
"Whatever." I grumbled. Carlee jumped out of the truck and ran right towards our huge trailor. I sighed and stepped out. I let my dog, Summer, and our barn cat, Stacie, out of the spacious tack room of our trailor and then made my way to the horses where Carlee already had Satyra and Kallie and was walking them out. 
Dad handed me Felicity and Dakota's lead ropes and I took them down the driveway to shut the gate.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

so far so good.... great job describing the places but we need some description on the people too!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

thanks, I'll get to that in a sec


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

I latched the gate shut and Felicity bent down and started nibbling on a tuff of grass at the side of the driveway. I pulled on her lead rope, then pulled a little harder.
"Come on, you stupid horse!" I groaned. I noticed Dakota looking into the distance with his ears pointed forward and a car came from out of no where. It whizzed by and Dakota reared up and galloped towards the barn. Felicity pulledup her head and started trotting after him. 
"No, not you too!" I said pulling her in a circle. She stopped and stood beside me, staring after Dakota.
'Great. One car in this whole town and it decides to go speeding by NOW.' I thought and started walking back to the barn. 
"What happened?" My dad asked me when I came near.
"Some idiot sped down the road and spooked him." I told him.
"Okay, well go get him." Dad said pointing to Dakota who was with the horse my mom was holding, Vegas.
"Where do I put them?"
"In the field for now. Put Felicity in with the mares and Dakota with the geldings."
"Speak english, dad." I told him. He sighed,
"Felicity with Kallie, and Dakota with Ben. I'm sure you know which one's which."
"Yeah, yeah. Kallie the brown one and Ben is the cream one, I know." I said and walked towards Dakota.
"Dun and Dunalino." Dad mumbled, but I ignored him. I grabbed Dakota and led the two horses to the field to turn them out.


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

The next week was annoying. We spent it unpacking, setting things up, fixing things, going out and doing chores.

Summer was having the time of her life, running around the farm, her golden coat gleaming in the sunshine. In fact everyone seemed to love the place...Everyone except me.

I miss my friends. I miss jamming with the band every Wednesday and Friday and fighting over who gets the solo in the newest song. They've probably already got a new guitar player and singer to replace me.

I think of this as I brush out my long, straight, blonde hair on Saturday morning.

I walk ou to the barn after I'm done. Maybe I can convince dad to send me to a boarding school. One that specializes in music so that I don't have to muck stalls and be around stupid hroses all the time, and I can spend my time singing and playing my guitar with a band who will make me famous. Smirking at the thought, I walk towards the barn. Carlee is jumping her horse in the outdoor sand arena, her curly almost-white-blonde hair in a ponytail bouncing behind her.
"Aren't you supposed to turn out the horses?" I call to her.
"She brings Satyra to a trot and calls back,
"That's your job today. I muck stalls after yo uturn them out. Unless you wanna trade, I'd be perfectly happy-"
"I'll do it, I'll do it!" I say holding up my hands. She smiles and brings her shiny black horse into a canter. 'crazy girl. she's only 12, I don't know why she's never fallen off that horse before with all the crazy things she's done with it. I mean I'm never going to ride a hors emuch less jump it.' I think.

As I walk into the barn, my heart skips a beat. There in front of me, talking to my dad, is the most hansome guy. He's brobably about sixteen, a year older than me. He has brown hair and the most gorgeous hazel eyes.
"Hello." I say trying hard not to blush 'deep breaths, deep breaths'
"Ah, Taylia. this is Colt. He'll be helping us out. We'll really need the help when you get those horses from the rescue center."
"Hi." He said with a smile

"Can I help you with anything, honey?" Dad asked me
"Uh, no. I was just going to start turning out the horses." I answered
"Why don't you show Colt around while you're at it? I would say go on horseback and check out the trails, but wait! You don't know how to ride because you hate horses and always refuse to learn."
"I know how to ride, I just choose not to." He raised his eyebrows at me.
"Fine. Which horses do we take?" I snap
"He can take Kemo, the Paint, and you can take Ben. He'll go nice and slow for you, he's perfect for beginners. Or maybe the pony, Sage, that way in you fall you'll only be about 3 feet from the ground." he teased
"Very funny." I said and grabbed Ben's blue halter. 'I can't believe I'm doing this.' I thought.


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

*CHAPTER 2:*
I got Ben and clipped the lazy horse onto the crossties. Neither him or Kemo were dirty so Colt and I picked their hooves and brushed out their manes and tails. That I could handle. Mom and dad's asked me to do that lots of times

Dad got two saddles from the tack room and brought them in by their horns. The pads were laying ontop of them.

He handed one-a black one- to Colt who thanked him and put it down beside Kemo and layed the pad on his back. Dad brought the other one- a light brown one- to be, but instead of giving it to me, he threw the blanket on himself and then put on the saddle. He started reaching under Ben's stomache to get the strap.
"I can do it." I insisted. He backed away showing his hands and went to get the head thingies- halters? Bridles? Who could tell? I pulled on the 'belly-strap' like I've seen Carlee do. Somehow I got it so that it stayed up and then leaned againsed the wall and waited.

Colt looked over and smiled. He walked over to Ben and started undoing the strap thing. I didn't protest because obviously he knew how to do this a lot better than I did...and besides, he's so cute. He undid it and looped it around twice...or well, that's what I caught anyways, he did it so fast- he obviously had expirience with this stuff. He pulled and then put the buckle in one of the holes.
"And, what's that strap thing called?" I asked
"A cinch." He replied.

Dad came back with helmets and the horses' head thingies.
"Here are your bridles." He announced and handed Colt one that matched the saddle. He came to me and started to but on Ben's for me. "No matter what you say, honey, I know you don't know how to do this." He told me and put something metal in Ben's mouth. I crossed my arms as he did up a buckle and handed me the reins and a helmet. He tossed one to Colt as well.
"As I always say, 'it's cheaper to buy a helmet then to get surgery on your brain.'" Dad commented. I rolled my eyes and Colt smiled, that gorgeous smile of his.


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

We took the horses outside and put on our helmets. Dad pulled on the cinch one last time and it surprizingly went up 3 more holes. He boosted me up onto Ben and I put my feet in the stirrups. I held the reins in one hand and the horn in my other and kciked Ben to go and the lazy boy slowly took a step forward. It was like he was sleep walking, he was SO LAZY! Kemo was walking 5 times faster than Ben was and Kemo was double Ben's age. I kicked Ben to speed up and he did a little, but he still didn't match Kemo's quick pace. I flicked the end of the reins at Ben's bum like I've seen my dad do and Ben pirked up and did a quicker pace towards Kemo.
"Is that Taylia?" I heard my mom say behind me. My dad grunted,
"You tell me."


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

hey cheyennes mom, i finally had time to read the rest of it, i think it's good! i'm interested enough to keep reading and i like how the characters are developing. i'm assuming you know this already, but there are a lot of writing forums online, on some of them you can get really helpful and constructive critiques of your work. the only one that comes right now is missliterati.com, it's mostly teens, but i check it out occasionally for the book reviews. some of the writing on there is surprisingly good! i was going to suggest it on another thread too, for another person looking for writing feedback 

are you still working on this story? i have to finish the sequel to Blaze of Glory; somehow the 2nd half is taking a lot longer than the 1st half did!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

thanks  I'll look around for the forums  Yep, still going to keep working on it, I've been a bit busy lately though, I've been camping for the last week and then I'm going to summer camp next week too. I have written only like 5 lines since I last posted so there isn't really too much to post yet but I'll keep writing when I come back from camp. glad you are interested 

ooh I can't wait for the sequel to come out! Well, I haven't gotten the first one yet, but I'll see if I can order it after I come back from camp


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

Yeah I didn't write much this summer either  Camp sounds fun, is it riding camp? Riding camp is my absolute best memory of childhood! But then most camps are a blast, I think. Have fun!!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

mgarzon said:


> Yeah I didn't write much this summer either  Camp sounds fun, is it riding camp? Riding camp is my absolute best memory of childhood! But then most camps are a blast, I think. Have fun!!


 Yeah, camp is going to be fun  It's not a horse camp though, no. I went to a horse camp for 2 years in a row but then decided to go back to by old camp because the horse camp was more...well, super beginner level. I might join Pony Club or 4-H instead this year because I'll learn more stuff that way and I get to ride Cheyenne.  This camp is nicer too  a christian camp although it probably shouldn't even be called a camp, it's more of a retreat lol! But everyone loves it


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

Sounds like a great camp  
On a completely unrelated note, why, oh why, do I care about chasing those little carrots around HF?! I've never been any kind of gamer...


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^^haha if it bugs you and you don't wanna do it anymore then just click on User CP><Edit Options<>Disable Carrots> or something.


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

If it starts to get out of control (i.e., I'm not feeding my kids so I can chase carrots), I'll disable it. Thanks


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^^haha no problem


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

"So your not into horses?" Colt asked me when I caught up. I wrinkled my nose and shook my head.
"So what _are _you into?" He asked
"Music mostly, I have a band back home...or, I did."
"Do you play an instrument?"
"Yeah, gutar. I sing too."
"Sweet."

They rode in an awquard silence for a few minutes and Taylia and Ben started trailing behind. Taylia kicked Ben. No Response. Kicked him again. Nothing. Frustrated, she smacked him in the butt with the reins and caught up again.
"So you're really into this horse stuff?" She asked. Colt smiled and nodded. "You have a horse?"
"No, that's why I asked your dad if he needed another hand. I used to have a horse. His name was Storm. He was a Troroughbred, dapple grey, really big- about 16.3 hands."
'smile and nod,' I thought 'Just smile and nod'
"I went to gymkhanas and rodeo's with him and we were doing really good... Then, there wa the accident. We were trailoring to a rodeo to do some roping when we crossed an intersection and someone sped the red light into our trailor."
"That's horrible! Were you guys okay?" I gasped
"Me and my dad were fine, a little confused for a second, but we weren't hurt. Storm wasn't that fortunate."
"What happened?" I asked quietly.
"I don't..really like talking about it..."
"I'm so sorry." I said sympathetically. He shook his head,
"It was years ago."
"But you're still riding?"
"Well, I am now aren't I? Plus, I told your dad I'd help him with these rescues that are coming in,"
"What rescues are you guys talking about, 'cause, really, I haven't reard 'bout any rescues since dad mentioned it in the barn." I said with a shrug.
"Oh. Your family is taking horses from the rescue barn. They are filling up fast. Lots of these horses are extremely beat up or traumatized and your family is going to help them. I said I'd help _you _help _them_." He explained pointing a finger at me.
"Sounds dangerous. When are we getting these horses?"
"Monday."
"How many?"
"As many as the center gives us."
"Oh." At this point we reached the creek running through the forest. I had seen Kemo go through water many times before but Ben hates it. They took the wooden bridge over it because they had saddles on as well and they probably shouldn't get the leather wet.


**TO BE CONTINUED!!!**


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

hmm, I think that trailer accident scene may sound familiar to you if/when you read Blaze of Glory


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^^oh, sorry, I didn't mean to copy, I can switch it if you'd like


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

haha no not at all! it's not like you were copying anyways, it seems we just had the same idea  sadly mine came from an actual trailer accident that happened to a friend of mine, years ago. i hope that yours was entirely fictional!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^haha yeah totally, I've never even heard of that happening really...was your friend okay?


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

My friend was ok; one of the two horses recovered completely (with a few scars), but the other was never the same. I don't know if he was put down or not, but he was a Eventer and he was never able to go back to it.


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

I really really like it, it's very good


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

mgarzon- well at least no one got seriously hurt 

LoveStory10-thanks


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## Barrel Baby (May 16, 2011)

I LOVE IT!!! ur doing soooo good!!! i cant wait for the next chapter!!!!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

haha glad you like it, I'm working on the next chapter now


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

During the rest of the ride, I actually found myself relaxing. Colt even persuaded me to trot and it wasn't too bad. Hate to admit it, but as big as horses are, they aren't as bad as they appear.

*CHAPTER THREE:*
On Monday, I woke up to forks scraping on plates and Carlee running up and down the stairs, making a commotion. I looked at the clock and groaned, 7:30. 
"Aren't you supposed to sleep in during Summer?" I mumbled to myself.

I went and took a shower then got dressed and went downstairs groggily. Mom was the only one in the kitchen, clearing the table.
"Morning, honey." 
"Morning, mom." I yawned. She threw a plate with toast on it infront of me. I ate it quickly and then ran outside.

Carlee was helping Dad get the trailer on the truck.
"Carlee, why'd you have to go about making so much noise? Isn't summer about sleeping in?" I demanded. To my surprize, Colt appeared from behind the truck,
"Morning." He said with a smile. My face went red,
"Morning, I didn't see you there."
"That's okay. Are you coming too?" He asked.
"Well-"
"Yes, she is." My dad interrupted me
"...I wasn't planning on it, dad."
"You have anything better to do?" He asked me
"Well...no."
"So, you're coming! Besides, I want everyone in this family to pick and horse to call their own. That includes you, Colt." Dad insisted.
"Sir, you don't have to..."
"No, I want everyone to have one. Even if it's unridable, I don't want you coming here _just _to work. You need to think of this place as a cool place not just the place you work." My dad told him. Colt's eyes were wide with joy.
"I-I don't know what to say...Thank-you! Thanks a lot!" He stammered.
"My pleasure." Mom came out of the house at that time.
"Ready to hit the road?" She asked.
"Let's do it!" Carlee exclaimed. We piled into the truck, parents in the front, kids in the back. I offered to sit in the middle with Colt to my right and Carlee to the left. Dad blasted the country station on the radio and we all sang along, laughing.

When we got to the rescue barn, the first thing I noticed were the cutes on the horses. most of them had matten manes and tails and cuts everywhere.
"Ah, you must be Greg. I'm Joe." A man said shaking my dad's hand. Dad introduced us to him and he went around shaking our hands. Joe was a bigger build- tall, and stocky with black hair and grey eyes.
"Irish Draft." Carlee whispered to Colt. He smiled. Joe, luckily, didn't seem to hear. He was already walking briskly towards the big barn. We followed him in.

There surprizingly weren't many horses in the barn. Only about 7 or 8. All were calm and had cuts all over them and bandages on their legs. On the other side of the barn there were paddocks and fields and round pens full of horses. Some eating peacefully, others just standing there.

As Joe rambled on about their programs and trainers, Colt stopped. I looked at him and saw him looking at a horse in one of the paddocks. He was eating hay and chasing the other horses away from his pile. Colt walked over to the paddock gate and watched him for a moment. I came over and stood beside him.
"You like that one do ya?" I asked him. He nodded,
"He looks like my old horse."
"Why don't you take him?"
"I am." The horse looked up at him curiously as if he knew we were talking about him. He was a liver chestnut Quarter Horse...Well, that's what my guess would be. Ever since my trail ride with Colt, I had been secretly researching horses in my room.
"Found your horse, Colt?" My mom asked. He nodded. "Me too." She said pointing to a Chestnut Tobiano, Paint grazing in the field.


***More's coming, the chapter isn't over!!***


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

Very sweet! I like how the father is "including" Colt into the family.


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## Barrel Baby (May 16, 2011)

i love how u can just see her starting to like horses alil bit more each chapter!!!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^^haha yep, you just wait to hear the type of horse she's picking!


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

Barrel Baby said:


> i love how u can just see her starting to like horses alil bit more each chapter!!!


I agree! And it's good how you're writing, not too fast or too slow.

Can't wait to read about her horse!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

thanks! I'll be writing lots today to try to get my mind off the show tomorrow! (I'm SO nervous!!!!)


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

Good luck!!!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

"What about you, Taylia? Have you found a horse yet?" I shook my head and continued to survay the rest of the horses. Colt walked along beside me.
"They all look so sad." I commented. "I don't know who to choose. How'd you pick so quickly?"
"Follow your gut. Which one stands out to you?" Then I saw her. She was trotting around a round pen, her head held high and her tail floating behind her.
"Well that one's wild." Colt commented.
"I love her." I said walking closer.
"Whoa! Look, I know I told you to pick one that stands out but-"
"She's beautiful!" I said in awe watching her trot alongside the fence then quickly turn and chase the other way. She was a buckskin. Her coat was lighter than a buckskin's is usually but her legs were almost jet black. Her mane was black and so was the bottom of her tail but the top was the colour of the sun.
"Her name's Hollywood Dreamer." Joe said from behind me.
"Why's she called that?" I asked not taking my eyes off her.
"Because she's an actress. She acts all beautiful and graceful and amazing. When you try and get near her, every amazing thing disappears."
"How old is she? Where'd she come from?" I asked again watching her paw at the ground.
"She's seven. We don't really know anything about her; she turned up on our property last week. Hurt one of our trainers pretty darn bad." Joe answered. They heard giggling from behind them and Carlee was at a paddock gate with a palomino mare trying to eat her hair. Joe, my dad and mom went to see her. I stayed and stared at Hollywood Dreamer who was now half-rearing and snorting.
"Taylia, at least LOOK at the other horses. This horse is just...A lot." Colt advised me.
"I think she just wants a second chance." I said softly. "Would you help me?" Colt stared in my eyes for a few seconds then sighed,
"If you look at the other horses and you don't find any that you like, and if your parents say yes, then I will help you." He said. I hugged him then ran over to Carlee's horse to see what she's like.


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

LoveStory10 said:


> Good luck!!!


 thanks! We did really good! We got second, first, two thirds and a fourth  Cheyenne did great, she's never jumped a course before (and neither had I) and she did SO good, I'm SO proud of her!


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## VanillaBean (Oct 19, 2008)

subbing, cool story


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^^thanks


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## LoveStory10 (Oct 31, 2009)

I love the latest post, the mare sounds gorgeous!

Congrats on your placings


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

thanks  Sooo proud of Cheyenne!

I'll try to write more soon!! Not sure why I haven't lately...


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

life has this way of getting in the way of writing (it happens to me, too - the sequel's been halfway done all summer!). congrats on the show placements!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

^thanks  and yeah, it seems to be that way


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

Actually it's been interesting for me, since the book's selling a bit now, to hear feedback from readers. Some of the things they've told me I've tried to consider when writing, but other times you just have to shrug it off - you can't please everyone, and I find it really slows down my writing when I start overthinking things. Not that it's super relevant, I'm just rambling


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

Fifteen minutes later, 8 horses were being loaded into the trailor. My family and Colt each picked a horse and we took in 4 more. Dad did a èhorse-countè, as he called it, and asked me where my horse was. I pointed to Hollywood Dreamer-which I decided to nick-name, Holly. Immediately my dad said no.


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

"You said we could pick whichever horse we wanted and I pick that one." I told him stubbornly. After a bit of convincing and a few words from Colt, dad finally gave in. 

Joe sent one of his handlers in and after fifteen minutes of chasing and running away, he managed to give Holly a shot that was supposted to calm her down for a few hours. He let me lead her into the trailer while my dad signed a few papers for the horses before we drove off for home.

We unloaded all the horses quickly and sufficiantly. Holly went into the round pen. Colt's horse, he named him Bandit, went into one of the fields with Striker, my dad's Paint/Draft mix. My mom's mare, Dodge went with Carlee's Warmblood, Montana, two other horses went in stalls that had attached paddocks and the rest went in a field.

When we had finnished, we all went to the house for lunch. I ate quickly then ran back outside with Summer chasing at my heels. Holly was still calm from the shot. She stood in the middle of the roundpen dozing off. I figured that this was probably the best time to give her a quick grooming before the shot wore off.

So I groomed and groomed and groomed until holly started to get restless and I decided that she was clean enough...more than clean enough, she was dazzling! I stepped out of the round pen and gazed at my beautiful horse. I may not be a horse-person, but everyone deserves a second chance.


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

mgarzon said:


> Actually it's been interesting for me, since the book's selling a bit now, to hear feedback from readers. Some of the things they've told me I've tried to consider when writing, but other times you just have to shrug it off - you can't please everyone, and I find it really slows down my writing when I start overthinking things. Not that it's super relevant, I'm just rambling


 yeah that would be interesting to hear!


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

Yes it's very interesting - but you get a taste of that on this forum, I guess, when you post your snippets of stories. I like where this one's going, btw! 
One of the reader reviews I got on Amazon said she thought the relationship got 'too explicit', but then she still gave it 4 stars (out of 5). One reader thought the main character 'sounded' too old for 17; another thought she was naive for 17. I think it depends on the reader more than the story!


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## Cheyennes mom (Aug 6, 2010)

thanks, I'm sorta making it up as I go...  I have the general idea of what I want to happen and stuff but... haha whatever 

yeah, I'll see if I can get your book and I'll tell you what I think of it-I love romance and horsey (either horsey or action)!


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

haha great, I would love to have your feedback!!


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