# Advice Needed (and Rant)



## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

Hey.

So, this is going to be a long post because I don't want to leave anything out. I've been stressed about it, so pardon any grammatical errors.

In January 2020, I moved to a new barn. It is a field-board co-op barn. It is incredible close (only ten minutes away) and has a lot of well-groomed trails. There is the BO (who doesn't really do much except for big barn chores) and three other boarders. I've been having some problems with one of the other boarders. The boarder that I am having problems with has been there for the longest time (eight years), so they have the most experience and are kind of like an acting BO.

This is the first time I have had control over my horse's feed. Before, at other barns, we just fed whatever the barn provided and apparently that was good enough for my horse. Now, since I have such liberty, I have gotten into horse nutrition and found a feeding program that I am happy with. I have a custom supplement - a supplement that is balanced to her forage. My horse is a picky eater and after literal months of trying to get her to eat the supps. mixed in feed, I just gave up and syringed them. She is a very easy syringe-r, so I have just been doing that. I have been feeding her a 1/8 lb. (362.9 g) of soaked beet pulp as a snack so that she feels included in the feedings. (She was on a ration balancer before, but she didn't look great and got a little too fat, and I can't control the grass (unless I muzzle, which they don't want) or the hay.) We feed in separate stalls. She is an incredibly easy keeper, and one prone (according to... studies?) for EMS, laminitis, PPID, etc... as a breed, especially now that she is older. So, weight being kept off is a must, as well as a low S/S diet. She looks great, in my opinion, and according to the vet, she is very healthy, and a good five for a BSC. The vet said she could gain some weight and still be healthy, but they (and I) don't want her to. They only thing they want her to gain is some more muscle; to be fair, I haven't been working her due to the summer heat.

Now, here's the problem:

The other horses are thicc, like, fat or borderline obese, in my opinion. Of course, I think a vet would be best to determine, but.... whatever. One horse already has diagnosed EMS, PPID, and off-and-on laminitis spouts. This horse belongs to the boarder I am having troubles with. The boarder insists that my horse is way too skinny and that I need to feed her more. Maybe that horse was born genetically compromised or whatever, but that horse is the same breed as mine. My horse is only a couple of inches smaller, a couple of years younger, and different sex, but other than that, they are similar. Yet, she says my horse is unhealthy and skinny. Yet, my horse is perfectly healthy according to the vet while their is not. I don't understand.

Said boarder also states that my horse is very aggressive toward people and other horses. Like, okay. If that were true, I would go down there and (try to) nip that in the bud because humans are off-limits. BUT, I don't know if that's true. I hate to say "liar, liar = pants on fire", but my horse is well behaved for me, no other boarder has said anything, she is a gentle as a lamb for another boarder's three-year-old daughter, and what else can I do when I'm not there? I'm just so confused about what to do. Like, tell my horse off if she's bothering you? I know that this isn't a "not my job to train your horse" type of thing, but, like I said, she is very well behaved for me. The other boarder said that my horse lacks respect for humans. My horse can be a little pushy if she doesn't know you, but, again, just tell her off and she'll go away. No whip even needed. I just don't know what to do. I feel bad if she is being aggressive, but I've known her for eight years, and she has *never* been aggressive near or to humans before. Totally out of character. That or "aggression" means to be pushy? The boarder said that she body slammed them... But, again, she's never done that before. I just don't know how to control my horse when I'm not there. Again, I know that this isn't a "it's not my job to train your horse", but just because she "respects" me and I am a human, doesn't mean she'll be a robotic angel to all other humans.

Another thing that bothers me is that the boarders horses aren't behaved either. They said that they don't ride one (they have two) because he rears. When the other horse either did or attempted biting, they were like, "lol did u see that!?" They also don't lead well, stall well, tie well, or stand for the farrier. I'm not saying that my horse is perfect, but she does do all that, so isn't that pot-calling-the-kettle-black or something? Kicker is that they aren't even trying to fix it. I put thousands and thousands of hours into her over eight years, moved barns several times, and this is the first time I'm told she is aggressive toward humans. I'm floored. I feel like I want to trust my horse in that either she is not as aggressive as they say or "something" is making her aggressive, and I don't mean just not getting bucket loads of grain. Since it is a co-op I do feed on some days, and she just patiently waits in her stall. When she is let out, she just goes to the round bale.

They also said my horse lacks herd manners. I don't really know what the means. I mean, my horse is a little dominant, but not the boss-mare. She can get a little mare-ish, but isn't that herd dynamics? She likes pin her ears and tease bite, but I don't think I've ever seen her make contact unless it was the first time introduction or she is trapped somewhere. My horse has never run other horses through fences or seriously bit/kicked them. Their horse, however, has run a horse (not mine) through fencing before. It's just that I can't control how my horse behaves with other horses when I'm not there.

I believe that they loves their horses, but too much "love" isn't good. They take good care of their horses, but they pamper them. Not saying that's bad. I mean, don't we all want the best for our horses? But, she makes me feel like if I don't blanket my horse or feed my horse the "right" food or do... xxx, then I'm a bad horse owner. I understand, but my horse has been cleared by multiple vets and farriers for being really healthy, so I don't feel like it's her business. I mean, I don't say anything about feeding huge bucket loads of grain, blanketing a not-clipped when it's 50F, or over-supplementing. I feel like it's not my business because their horses are cared for - albeit not the same care as I would provide. It's just really frustrating.

I don't know how my horse is behaving when I'm not there. When I am there, she is well behaved. I don't know what's going on or what to do. I don't know why no other boarders have said anything. Maybe they don't like conflict?

What should I do? How should I handle this? I hate to cut and run because of the location and price. Just can't be beat. Boarding here is either very far or very expensive. This place is perfect on those aspects. I feel like I can't say anything because they have been there the longest and the BO likes them. I also feel like I can't say anything because that feels like gossiping.

Thanks for the advice and sorry for the rant. I'm just so tried of all the barn drama. All I want is a safe place to board my horse - a horse that I can spend my time with.


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## Mansery (Jun 7, 2021)

My suggestion on the herd behavior thing is you ask her, "Can you please take a recording of what she's doing so that I can work on it". It might back her off if she can't prove that it's happening... and if it is then you can take appropriate action.

As for the weight, it's hard to say without pictures. I think it's important that you don't spend too much time on the fact she is being hypocritical.. as irritating as that can be.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I guess my question to you is whether or not she is actually doing anything to sabotage your horse's care (e.g., if she has days she is feeding and is deviating from your feed plan without permission) or if she is just being nagging and annoying you? If it's just nagging, I'd tend to smile and nod and ignore her, or better yet, plan to be there when she's not. But if this person handles your horse and is potentially mistreating her and/or messing with your feeding plan, I don't see another option but involving the BO. If you know that you are ultimately willing to leave, then I don't think there's anything to lose by asking BO to tell this person to back off and play by the rules. The worst that is likely to happen is BO asking you to leave in favor of the longer term boarder.

Is it possible that you all could sub-divide the field with temporary posts and additional fencing so that her two horses have their own space and aren't "bothered" by your horse's "bad" herd dynamics?


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Ask the other boarders if they have observed anything unusual about your horse's behavior. Don't mention the complainer's name if you can avoid it. 

As long as the other boarders' horse care is not actually impacting the care of your own, you can simply try to ignore their comments and opinions -- and do not offer yours. If their horses are ill-mannered that's their problem.

The complainer lady has a lot of judgements. Tell her that your vet is happy with your horse's care and if it bothers her, take it up with him.

To me, this sounds like it is all about boundaries -- you need to make some to protect yourself, since it doesn't seem like other people will. Also, be sure to stay on your side as well! 

It would be prudent to scout around for other boarding possibilities though. You can put out discreet feelers -- or even just talk to people who have their horses nearby at their own places, they may have room for another.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

I would not "ask" as in ask, but ask as in ... "Hey, is anyone having difficulty with my horse during feeding times or in the herd or if you have to interact with her? I ask so if you notice issues, please let me know so I can work on it to keep us and our animals safest"....
That is not pinning blame but a interested party wanting to make sure their horse is a good solid citizen.
If others have a issue, still not sure how you would correct it as you can not chastise an animal for something it has not just done in your presence.

I more wonder if your mare is smart and has the number of the complainer, pegged her as not as experienced as she talks...but can and does she do the walk...mares know and _will_ find the weak link quickly.
The fact you mention many issues with the grumblers horses makes me wonder if "she talks the talk but can't do the walk" ....
You _could_ go to the BO, as they *are* in charge not a boarder who thinks they are what in reality they are not. Boarders are NOT owners of the place, not this time!
Since your BO _is_ around they also see interaction of boarders and all the animals might also give you some other insight quietly shared.
Because said grumbler thinks she is "all" does not mean she actually is...
Possibly she has not just made complaints to you about yours, but has said to others as well and is pushing her luck...
Hmmmm....
If talking to the other share-boarders by asking to be informed if your mare is a problem gets you no answers, then go as a caring owner inquiring to the BO who ultimately* is* in charge of all animals on their land, not the mouth of complaints.
You ask only to know so other owners and their beloved animals are not having grief from yours...
🐴... _jmo..._


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

Thanks for the reply everyone.

The complainer complained to the BO yesterday (before talking to me), which is how this whole thing started. It's still a little fresh.

This morning, I put feelers out saying that the BO received some complaints that my horse is very aggressive and people feel unsafe. I asked (via group text) if anyone has had any problems and under what circumstances so that I can figure why, when, and with whom she is doing said behaviors and better (attempt to) fix it. I also offered to be out there because she behaves when I'm around. So far, only the complainer responded saying that we need an in-person meeting because things can be "misconstrued via text." That's a start I guess. I don't know if they haven't responded due to work, they don't want to "gang-up" on me, they don't want to get in the middle of it all, or what. I'll wait and see.

As for maltreatment or feed deviation, I have no idea because I'm not there when they are; I already avoid them as much as possible. She looks okay and acts fine with me, so I don't want to point any fingers. I put her back on a feed (10 oz. (283.5 g) Triple Crown Lite) per request and hope that fixes something. They said they also would like for me to consider calmers. While I don't mean to sound... contumacious or whatever, I seriously do not think that my horse needs a calming supps. Personally, I think she is a rather "boring" horse. Not in a bad way, but she's so calm around me and never bucks or rears or bolts when ridden. Her Mg is already balanced, so what else is there? Raspberry leaves? Tryptophan? Tranquilizers? Many farriers have commented how calm and well-standing she is. 

I guess I'm just in a little shock and disbelief. Either she is how they say, which is shocking, or they are targeting us, which is also shocking. Can't figure it out or wrap my head around it. Maybe some things will come to light at the in-person meeting.

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but hypocrisy is the bane of my existence.

I am keeping eyes open of a back-up place.


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

horselovinguy said:


> If others have a issue, still not sure how you would correct it as you can not chastise an animal for something it has not just done in your presence.


Same.

Maybe some horses and people just don't gel? Again, this is the first time in either years with five barns that I've every had these problems before. Of course, many people have commended about how she is a "sassy little mare" (towards other horses), but they always chalked that up a "horses being horses." Not one has ever commented about how they, as a human, had problems with her.

I might have to leave if other people are having problems. Last thing I want is for her to hurt (or worse) someone and have to be put down.


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## AragoASB (Jul 12, 2020)

I just read through one half of the original post and thought WHAT? A three year old child has access to this horse? One kick and that can be a dead little child. If the OP does not like the place she should move. I would move anyway because of free range children.


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

AragoASB said:


> I just read through one half of the original post and thought WHAT? A three year old child has access to this horse? One kick and that can be a dead little child. If the OP does not like the place she should move. I would move anyway because of free range children.


My horse is about as "dangerous" as a horse is just for being a horse. Not dangerous as in kicking or biting or what-have-yous. Besides, "one kick can result in a dead little child" can be said of all people; "One kick and a dead little human."

There aren't free-range kids. I was grooming my horse and the daughter came over for a quick "hi" while mom was in the tack room. Nothing too crazy.


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## AragoASB (Jul 12, 2020)

A three year old wandering alone in a barn isle is a free range child. It only takes an instant for a kick or strike to kill a toddler.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

You know many people have different experiences with horse traits and personalities.
I am very accustomed to working, riding spirited Thoroughbreds from the track...often first rider up straight off the truck and full of themselves...
My abilities to handle, to scope out a personality and work with a handful of horse is far different than others who have never met fire breathing dragons....
Then there are others who are far more experienced than I and I take heed _of their words_ of wisdom given to keep my hide in one piece, unscathed.

The part of this is this person went to the BO, now that your concern was made public she starts with a defense that texts can be taken out of context, we need to talk....but it came from the complainer NOT the BO has me more "???"
I _would_ now go in person and ask the BO if there is a problem with your horse they are aware of as you fear the other boarders may be uncomfortable coming to you. Ask, _just flat out ask _if they see or notice the problem as real or is it blown out of proportion or.......what is going on??
You don't know but are concerned for all to safely be in your horses "bubble"...
Your horse when you handle her is _not_ a problem for you...but no one else is you...

The fact your vet is happy with your animals condition and health would have me telling others it is under control with your vet as adviser and professional health care-giver.... I would _not_ be changing or bowing to comments if your horse is what she needs to be for her to be healthy and healthiest.
The fact your farrier has no issues with your horse also says much to me..farriers as a rule demand of horses they respect, respond and behave appropriately or you would know about it. 
Farriers get hurt enough, they are _not_ going to tolerate or _not_ say something if your horse is a brat or problematic.
You though are the one who has to live with this current situation and unrest of "the mouth"...

If you are told by others they too have issues, then maybe you need to move-on to a barn where professional barn workers feed, handle and turn-out your mare as professional handlers, well I will say that in that capacity I tolerate far less than any regular owner, the animal senses that and responds appropriately to my body language of expected behavior.
Otherwise, grow some thick alligator skin and ignore, ignore, and ignore..
That is my opinion.
🐴..


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

I would ask for a video of the horse when she is being aggressive. Horses at a feeder do not tease bite. That bite is for real. Face bite playing is can be different. As long it is done as play and not dominance. I used to own a horse that actually bit the eye out of another horse, so it is not always play . if the other boarders are going out with feed buckets, she very well could have charged them. I have done that with my own personal herd, but carried a crop . One horse would bully another horse, and in a panic the other horse could run into me, or over me. This could also be the case. As for the Feed issue. I would tell the other boarder that your horse has been evaluated by a Vet and is fed per the Vets recommendation to prevent hoof issues and lameness, ppid episodes etc. And ask when was the last time hers were checked by the Vet ? since they have issues maybe the Vet could recommend treatments and feeding programs. But ask this nicely or she could hurt your horse. 
Another option is to go out , when they other boarders are there, sneak in, quietly and watch. Or get some Binoculars and watch from the road. Or try to film from the road to see what is going on. 
IF your horses spine and hips protrude you need more feed. Some rib showing is okay. But it should not feel like a wash board, you should feel some flesh over the ribs. IF her spine is showing feed more forage..


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## AragoASB (Jul 12, 2020)

*smolappul*

" My horse is about as "dangerous" as a horse is just for being a horse. Not dangerous as in kicking or biting or what-have-yous. Besides, "one kick can result in a dead little child" can be said of all people; "One kick and a dead little human."

There aren't free-range kids. I was grooming my horse and the daughter came over for a quick "hi" while mom was in the tack room. Nothing too crazy. 


A three year old wandering alone in a barn isle is a free range child. It only takes an instant for a kick or strike to kill a toddler.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

For a moment I thought I was reading myself. I also am dealing with clique crap, as I so fondly call it. One lady has gone out of her way to make me out to be evil (her words) and I've actually filed numerous police reports and had them around because of her behaviour. She has two buddies that also have taken sides (very mature right?) but a lot of people are intimidated by her behaviour so wont speak up. When she is around I put headphones in and blast music. I have to keep my eyes peeled 110% but the risk is outweighed by the relief it brings. In regards to gate manners there are only three owners here who are like "yup my horse is terrible at the gate this is how you can deal with". And I'm the 4th (except mine charges certain horses she "hates" if they walk past, not at the gate directly). My mare is easy to shoo - like really easy just flap your arm and hiss and she'll run. She doesn't want to hurt the human but that doesn't mean they aren't at risk. Like you can't just go out into a larger mixed herd and have no plan. But the same people making complaints? Their horses are angels. Oh yeah, one of their mares totally didn't try double barrel me or their gelding nearly flip and old pony over who it cornered. No no, their horses are perfect. Seriously though horses will usually behave better for the owners so don't totally discredit it. If your mare is hungry and sees the others being brought in, and is quite dominant, I can see her "owning" the gate. But it is up to the human to be boss. Waving a rope, using a spray bottle, using a long whip (with a warning crack first).. whatever you give permission and help negotiate. It could be the people you are with aren't very confident in dealing with challenging behaviours. I've tried really, genuinely, to resolve things amicably. Everything I say is twisted so I've given up. These three ladies I just pretend aren't even there, literally, and life dramatically improved. I ride in company with those I get on with and ofc by myself. They can stew in their negativity for all I care. The only concern I would have in your position is them tampering with your horses feed and routine. I don't know what your exact routine is but over here half are happy for their horse to be on 1cm grass and fed a slice of hay+feed once a day. Ulcers? Hangry? Can't blame them can I when they behave bad around the gate in the late evening. Still keep myself safe. People are hard work. I just keep my head down and any complaints MUST go through the BO. The distance and friends I've made here are too good to let the minority win.


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

Horses have free access to stalls - an open barn with pasture attached. When we feed, we simply shut them into the designated stalls. There isn't too much gate work or deliberate leading. From what we were taught, we shut all the horses into the stalls before they even get a whiff of food; they aren't let out until all the horses are done. Of course, being a co-op, everyone does it differently. We feed once a day. They complainer feeds her horses twice a day. Maybe that's when they have problems because no on else is getting food? 

I hate to excuse bad behavior, but I feel like, to an extent, all horses are somewhat food aggressive to other horses. Or only the horses I've been around? Her horses are aggressive around food, so are some of the other horses at the barn. I kind of feel like most animals are somewhat food aggressive towards other animals, even if they always had a plenty. I know that they sometimes feed treats out in pasture, and my horse can be pushy about that. Maybe that's when they have problems? Is that my fault or am I unreasonable to ask not to be fed treats in pasture? 

I just don't know what's going on with so little information. My parents say not to go to an in-person meeting alone with the complainer, especially if no-one else has had problems with my horse. The only thing I can think is that because I'm not working her as much during the heat, she is pushing her luck with other people. But, I've been here for over a year-and-a-half, and this is the first time something was said. Last summer, she got a break from work too and nothing was said. I have also been feeding her this way for months and nothing was said. So, what's going on? Has it gotten worse? What made it escalate or intolerable? The complainer has been feeding my horse every week-end for a year-and-a-half, so what happened now? Maybe we think differently, but I think that my horse (or a lot of horses) is reactive, and if her behavior changes, then something happened to make her change. What's the change?

I feel like a lot of emphasis is on feeding, but that's not the case as apparent to the last text they sent me. They said she is "very aggressive, lack herd manners, and respect for humans - and not just around feeding time." Like, okay. What are you doing "not just around feeding time" that is causing aggressive or pushy behavior? I'll admit she is a little "I want food" around feeding time and rush or pin her ears (to horses) or tease bite (horses), but never not around food. Actually, I find her to be a little anti-social. She doesn't seem to really care for people unless you have food. So, I have a hard time seeing her going up to a person minding their own business and pushing or "body slamming" them.

Still no-one has replied to my text (after twenty-four hours) asking if anyone has had any problems with my horse. I may have to ask them individually in-person (very general "has my horse caused problems" or "do you feel unsafe"). Or is that a bad idea?

If this in-person meeting should come to fruition, I want to see what is happening, like replicate it. If they feel that is unsafe, I want as much detail as possible - from what, to whom, when, where. To be honest, I wonder if the in-person meeting in an intimidation tactic? The complainer has requested a couple of group in-person meetings over the past year-and-a-half, but they never followed through with a time and place. Never.

What bothers me about that is that they requested an in-person schedule meeting for who is going to do what - when. This is when we just got a new boarder. Thing is, we all (in group chat) said "okay, yeah." But that meeting never happened. So, what are you going to do? People live busy lives. Do it over text. That's what I did, I made a group chat (with out them because they always take the week-end, and that'll never change) and set up a schedule. Everyone in the group was very co-operative and nice and flexible. In my opinion, it doesn't matter who does it - just that it gets done. Well, that went over okay, and nothing was said. Last week, I asked the boarder who I work with (we share days) if they wanted to switch days (Monday and Friday) and go solo. I was going out at 05:00 because it's so hot out, but the other boarder lives an-hour-and-a-half away. Makes no sense for them to come out since I can do it and I live ten minutes away. She agreed and said that works fine. We both work one day less. They were working Monday and Friday. I was working Monday, Thursday, and Friday. Now she works just Monday; I work just Thursday and Friday. I brought it up, and it was my idea, but it was 100% consensual. Complainer complains to the BO (not us) that we can't do that and that I am being "taken advantage of" by the other boarder. Like, how would you know? I just don't get it. It is our time; it doesn't effect you in the ever slightest. The work still gets done.

Sorry for the rant. I'm just so tired and anxious about what's going to happen next. I haven't replied to the request of an in-person meeting because, again, no-one else has said anything. That was yesterday, and I don't want to keep them waiting or get a ton of text messages asking what's going on.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Sounds one wants to run the ship and be captain but has no authority nor backing from any...

I would not go to her "meeting" alone either.
Take one of your parents so they can listen to and help you to keep her facts straight as you are emotionally charged in this with the accusations being about your horse and you...that is normal by-the-way.
The BO should also be requested to be in attendance as it concerns him as this *is* his property and ultimately he _*is*_ responsible to authorities and all for what is done on his land even though he not own the livestock.
Her private berate session needs a curb bit applied to it as to me she is stepping out of bounds...
I can tell you if she pulled this at any of the places where I or my friends had field boarded our horses years ago she would have had a set-down...plunk... by the BO of "if you have a problem you come to me and I investigate first and then will do what needs done."
If what you are encountering took place she would be given 10 days to get out...

Now from what you write though...
With so little handling needing done of anyone's animals I'm not understanding why she is having such issue if she is leaving your horse alone, ignoring her when she handles hers if yours not get a reaction they often wander off...
A gruff voice to chase-off or swat at her _[not the face}_ to move her she will soon learn to not approach this person...
There is more to this than being said...
Horses are very smart and quick to catch-on about interacting with others..human or animal and their place.

The agreement you have with your "barn-working partner" is none of her business to interfere with.
As long as her horses are taken care of appropriately as agreed upon in the co-op then she has no complaint to make nor nose to put in business not hers.
Your arrangement not impact her, in fact it leaves her less to do personally and her horses are fed and seen to...

As Kalraii has described her situation...keep your head low, drown out the chatter and do your thing as is needed for you. Take the high road and let her grumble all she needs to feel important but shows how in reality she is not "in-charge" to us looking from outside in.
There is more to this though than what is being told.
Either you are leaving details out you know of or not realize matter...but something has occurred to rattle the chain to clanking.
🐴.... _jmo..._


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

I have asked one boarder in-person and two-via text.

In-person-person said that they have had no problems with my horse whatsoever. Although, they don't feed. But that goes against what complainer said about my horse being aggressive during non-feeding times.

First text-person said that my horse tended to rush out of stalls going into other stalls looking for dropped food. Text-person said that all of the horses there do that, though. But, sometimes, my horse was not as conscious of people and horses standing in the way as the other horses and got pushy. That, I believe. I'm not excusing it in the slightest, but I do believe that's something my horse would do. Text-person said that my horse was was ever only pushy at feeding and never aggressive at any time. Again, goes against saying that my horse is aggressive, even at non-feeding times.

I'm still waiting on second text-person.


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

Maybe it's semantics?

I've dealt with some actually aggressive horses, like, charging-teeth-bared horses. My horse has never done that - never even ear pinned or threatened to kick at a human. Sure, she's pushy. She'll bump into you or try to walk over you if you are in the way and don't tell her off. But, I don't think/consider that to be aggression. Again, just my opinion. Either complainer never dealt with real aggression before, they are blowing it out of proportion because of... reasons???, or that my horse is aggressive with them but they are doing something to cause aggression.


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

horselovinguy said:


> Now from what you write though...
> With so little handling needing done of anyone's animals I'm not understanding why she is having such issue if she is leaving your horse alone, ignoring her when she handles hers if yours not get a reaction they often wander off...


That's what I was thinking. I interact with horse horses for less than five minutes, literally. Just stall them up, feed, and un-stall them. Occasionally, I have to tell them to move while cleans stalls and paddock, but otherwise not-my-horse-not-my-problem. I do a quick look over for injuries, though.


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

Second text-person wrote back and said that they have never felt unsafe with my horse or been body slammed. They said they my horse is smart and finds her stall without trouble, and any "aggression" is no different than normal horse hierarchy at feeding times. They also said they watched my work with my horse and say that she has excellent ground manners.

I do feel a little better knowing that I'm not crazy irrational or delusional about my horse's behaviors.

Like it was said, boundaries. If that meeting does happen, BO will be there and my parents, no exceptions. Hopefully other people will come too.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

So one person said, if the horse is "pushy" going into other stalls looking for morsels" as is the horsey way of doing, then close the door as the stall-owner horse leaves and no more "push" ..............
Out-smart as you won't out-muscle....

I'm beginning to think since you not fawn over every sentence spoke or immediately do as she, your complainer says she has a fight to pick...

You know, its like being part of a forum such as this...ask for input from many, take advice of those who thoughts & approach seem on a similar plain with yours, and store the rest away for another day & time... 
A polite thanks of acknowledgement and use what is appropriate and toss the rest works wonders to not offend any..
If you want to take a stand and make it unpleasant you can...but its not worth the aggravation you get in the meantime.

Its your horse and your battle or not to draw swords on...apply as needed, junk the rest.
With that...  is appropriate from me.
Good luck and do try to take the high-road...sounds pretty appropriate an action.
*🐴...*


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## smolappul (Jun 14, 2021)

Thank you so much everyone!

There is a bright side to this. I got pulled from school to be homeschooled in the fourth-grade. I haven't really interacted/worked with with other people before. Despite being a legal adult, I haven't had a job or gone to college yet due to COVID. So, here I am learning about how to work with people in a (hopefully) diplomatic way, and learning to navigate different people and their personalities.


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## addctd2horses (Jul 10, 2020)

Ok, you didn't get very far and I already had a diagnosis. The woman is a barn bully. She's a horse/border bully. ALL of this is simply a tactic to put you in your place as the "newbie". Now I've dealt with bullies for 25 YEARS in my neighborhood. We didn't have the right dog breed (we had Leonbergers a gentle giant), although they were obedience trained and therapy certified to go into hospitals and nursing homes. We had too many kids and OMG they were adopted. This bullying went on for 25 YEARS! But inside we all know what has to be done about a bully. So, the dam burst when a neighbor stopped to tell my young daughter that we needed to have our dying dog that could barely walk, on a LEASH IN OUR YARD. It was just to intimidate and scare my daughter, and I was done. I marched down to his house, with hubby in tow and asked him if he said and did it. He just laughed nervously and looked at hubby. So, I asked him if he knew what a coping mechanism was. He is snarky because we all have advanced degrees and are sucessful. I asked him if he knew what MY coping mechanism was, before I switched to dogs to keep me busy. Then told him that we used to foster TEENS for the CITY of St. Louis (true) and if he continued to harp on my dogs, I was going to re-activate my fostercare license and with 4 empty bedrooms they'd have 8-10 teens in my home inside a week , and then he'd REALLY HAVE SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT! Wanna know what? I swear he hasn't done one THING in a year to us and that guy called the police on us at least once a month for 25 years! We ignored it all those years, even though we didn't care what he thought, but only meeting him on his front doorstep did it.

So....you don't (or shouldn't ) care WHAT this woman thinks. It's YOUR horse and you're motivated by love, whether SHE likes your choices or not. One thing I've found that stops this type of person is a hysterical laugh to everything they say. If they continue talking, laugh louder and more psychiatrically, like you truly believe they are ribbing you, and WALK AWAY. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES let it enter your head that this BULLY has any credibility. Manipulation by her is to always be stopped dead in its tracks, and you'll find after 1-2 times, she gives up. Bullies sense if you are mentally tough. They won't pick on a person who meets their every attempt with behavior that throws them off. Handle her directly, like doing so doesn't bother you in the least. Next time she criticizes your horse for being too skinny, start laughing and tell her that's SO FUNNY, because you were just about to tell her, that her horse is morbidly obese and she's killing it with food, done with eye contact and a smile, turn around confidently with shoulders back and walk away. NO MORE PROBLEMS!

She's just a barn bully.....


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