# Trainer Issues or Me?



## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

I've started going to my trainer every week, after taking 3 weeks off (just worked out that way). I came to lessons last week a little unnerved from stupidly riding a bunny hopping horse without a bit. My trainer put me on a new horse because of my experience with this other horse, I was death gripping the poor mare and we were cantering around the arena (I haven't mastered the posting trot yet. I was a little freaked out by that, but we ended on a good note. :-o

Today, I went back and got a different horse again, smaller and better trained but after 10 minutes of posting at a jog I was beat. My trainer requires at least 30 minutes of a posting trot. I was on a horse that I had to push and work to keep her going... hard work. I kept quitting on her - I have one on one lessons. She began getting frustrated with me and I with her. My trainer ended up firmly telling me that my backtalk would have to stop TODAY and quit being lazy or I would need to find another trainer. That hurt - I'm 30 not 13 and haven't heard those words since I was 17 or so.... 

I'm admittedly very sensative and I'm wondering if this is still a good fit. For whatever reason, I highly value her opinion of me and when I feel she is ****ed at me - it upsets me and my confidence in myself drops. :-( It doesn't help either that the big jumps freak me out and I have thoughts of the horse I'm on going bezerk and jumping out of the arena. 

I guess I'm wondering if I should continue - with no cheekiness (I'm very quick witted and have dry humor which can come across as unintentionally sarcastic. I typically use humor to try and diffuse the tension in a situation), an open mind, thick skin, and listening ears. Or I wonder if this may not be a good fit.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

This is what sounds like a crazy mix of a rider who is not ready to do the work her trainer is requiring, and a trainer who seems to have no real connection to the skill level of her student.

I think, if you cannot post the trot well, you should not be jumping. at all. And if you are feeling a lot of overwhelming fear, then , again, there is a mixmatch of skill/horse/rider/teacher here.

I appreciate that a teacher has to push a student sometimes, and I am grateful for the times that my old teacher made me drop the stirrups and ride but if it gets to the point where you are scared enough to "sass back", (I think this comes from fear), then that is too much push.

I would seek out a teacher better suited to you and your skills and personality.


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## jumanji321 (Dec 1, 2010)

cedarane said:


> I guess I'm wondering if I should continue - with no cheekiness (I'm very quick witted and have dry humor which can come across as unintentionally sarcastic. I typically use humor to try and diffuse the tension in a situation), an open mind, thick skin, and listening ears.


This. Riding requires maturity and dry humour and sarcasm can offend somepeople. I was told during my first lesson with my brutally honest instructor to not take things personally and to toughen up. You should respect your instructor, but be able to tell her if something is difficult or if you are becoming tired. I wouldn't worry about the jumps or the horse jumping out of the arena. I've never had issues with the arena fence and you aren't at an experience level to be jumping that high. You'll be okay as long as you alter your outlook slightly.

ETA: Well I feel one-sided right now so I want to add more to my answer. Anyway, if you are being pushed too much then you should tell your instructor to ease off in a polite way. If she refuses then maybe you should take tinyliny's advice and find someone who is able to understand your confidence issues.


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## Kayty (Sep 8, 2009)

Have you come out and plain told your instructor that you are physically drained after 10 minutes and need a walk break?
Or are you just continuing on without saying anything?
If a student tells me that they are sore or tired, particularly a beginner student, I'll come back for a walk break and talk about what we're learning that lesson. If they don't tell me that they are tired, and I am giving them instruction without seeing any response from them, then yes, I get very frustrated at their apparenty lack of effort.
Lessons are a two way street, both parties have to communicate. 

Your back chat would not be appreciated, unless perhaps if you are friends with your instructor - I socialise outside of horses with my instructor, and we know each other well. If I'm struggling in a lesson, I'll sure as heck let her know about it, she'll yell at me, and I'll yell back. That frustration tends to make me work harder to get a result, and she knows it!!


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

People say you should respect your instructor, which is all very well and valid, and you certainly should respect all people, but you are paying them for a service. 

When I got back into riding after a while of posting I was completely beat on horses that needed constant work to keep going. Not only was my riding deteriorating but I was having an awful time. I wasn't enjoying my hobby. 

There is no need to trot around for 30 minutes, maybe you need practice but it can be interspersed with slower work and I think an instructor has to be willing to tailor their session to this. 

As for "back-chat" if someone told me not to do that to be honest I'd walk away and that would be that. I'm paying for a service and I should be able to comment at any point, sarcastic or not. Maybe if you're with some super high flying instructor, but just your average run of the mill person... there is no reason you shouldn't be able to say anything to them. If they're not willing to put up with that they wouldn't be the right instructor for me. 

But that's just my opinion and I know many other people think of instructors differently.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Adults should be able to communicate. You need to let her know if you are tired, etc, BUT, you should be able to step it up each lesson, so she sees some progress. Personally, I would not, as an adult, stand for someone I AM PAYING to tell me not to "sass back" like a child. I, like you tend to be sarcastic and if I am not able to say "adult break" at some point if I am tired during a lesson-I will not lesson with them. Period. I am there to learn, yes, but I am also there for ENJOYMENT. If you do not enjoy it, go elsewhere. Many of us do not want to be olympic riders and have no desire to have perfect equitation, etc. I will work hard, but am not going to exhaust myself. Others feel differently. Your instructor needs to know what your thoughts and goals are and teach to that. I will also not ride with a super intense instructor. Again-I want to have fun and be able to laugh at my mistakes, not be in tears at the end of the lesson and feel defeated. Just my .02.:wink:


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## Cherie (Dec 16, 2010)

Your teacher needs to learn that she should teach/ coach an Olympic or open jumper hopeful differently than a middle aged, out of shape, recreational rider. There are times to push hard and times to back off. It seems that she is teaching everyone to the same standard.

I take middle aged riders that lack confidence straight to the trails. I put them and their horse ahead of me and coach them into pushing past their self-imposed limits. I teach control -- because with knowing that one can control the horse comes confidence. I work on building confidence through control FIRST -- then go to the arena to work on better form. When I switched to this style of teaching, I have seen riders gain ground by leaps and bounds.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

I like that Cherie, and agree, except I felt much more in control in an enclosed area. That was my security.


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## Cherie (Dec 16, 2010)

I would have gotten you out of the arena on the very first day. Within an hour, I would have had you trotting down the trail in the woods or out in the big pasture. You would have been giggling like a little kid. It really works.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

I do have some confidence and fitness issues which are impeding my progress some. But after 10 minutes I was sweating, out of breath and my legs were on fire! I understand WHY she wanted me to continue to work at a trot - I was fearful and not pushing my horse hard enough to do more than a jog and I was doing all the work.

She typically gets annoyed when she feels that I am not working hard enough or long enough. Last week when I was death gripping her TB mare, I stood up and hunched over the mare's neck - a natural response. She kept yelling at me - SIT DOWN, which was the opposite of what my mind was telling me to do. I just couldn't get my mind around it and finally yelled back "I'M TRYING!!!" To which she replied " NO YOU'RE NOT!" She had be get off the horse - which I was happy to do - then she told me that the mare was a level A show horse and I had NO business owning a horse, etc. Pretty much just scared me further. 

Yesterday, we were working on bending our horses necks and the (different) mare I was on was stiff on one side. I felt like I was hurting the horse - as it was something I'd never done before. The horse kept backing up (the mare does western too) and I was having trouble boxing my worry/fear and focusing on what she was doing. My trainer said do what I'm asking or get off my horse - those are your two options. So, I made the horse turn to which she replied sarcastically "See you did it without exploding!" 

As we left she said, "This backtalking is going to stop NOW or you're going to leave my barn." Whew, that made me mad! I can handle sarcasm, annoyed trainer, but being talked to like a 12 year old is intolerable! She rode her horse a head of me, obviously ****ed. As I was untacking my horse, I just broke down and we had words. I told her that I could not work if we couldn't get along. She replied, "What do you want me to do praise you? Kiss your butt? You DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH!" It was bad.  I walked away feeling like quitting everything.

Now, I don't mind being picked apart when I'm riding - that's where improvement comes in; I obviously can't see and don't know what I am doing wrong. So trainers are essential in improving my seat.


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## kait18 (Oct 11, 2011)

ouchies i would leave and find another place better suited for you and what you want to do!!

if she really thinks your money is not enough for her to give you solid advice for your level she is not worth it!!! i have a trainer who will yell when needed but most of the lesson is joking around and learning while having fun. its good for me and my horse and my trainers sanity. riding is for fun and a luxury and no one not even a trainer should act like that especially when you are not a young child. you don't need punishment you need a different program suited for your riding ability at the moment. 

good luck on the new trainer search if you go that way.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

She sounds like a nasty piece of work. I'd get a new trainer like yesterday. A good trainer will help you deal with the fear and work through it, not insult you and make you feel even worse about it.

When I was teaching, we had the odd student who was *terrified* and the first order of the day was to get them to relax, as they're not going to be able to learn all that well if they're in flight or fight mode. Just like a horse.


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## RidinReader (Aug 31, 2012)

cedarane said:


> As we left she said, "This backtalking is going to stop NOW or you're going to leave my barn." Whew, that made me mad! I can handle sarcasm, annoyed trainer, but being talked to like a 12 year old is intolerable! She rode her horse a head of me, obviously ****ed. As I was untacking my horse, I just broke down and we had words. I told her that I could not work if we couldn't get along. She replied, "What do you want me to do praise you? Kiss your butt? You DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH!" It was bad.  I walked away feeling like quitting everything..


I don't care what business you're in, how awesome you think you are at it, or how grateful you think your clients should be that they're getting to work with you, this is not how you talk to a customer. My instructor would get on me to work on something, and push me harder when I needed it. She would not have spoken to me in such a disrespectful manner, no matter my age. This is not a way to keep a client. I hope you don't feel like you need to stay there and be subjected to that. =/ I understand having limited options (since there are, as far as I've determined, none in my area) but there is surely a better alternative to that!


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## uflrh9y (Jun 29, 2012)

A good trainer can push their student without it seeming like they are pushing you. A good trainer knows exactly what the rider is capable of at that moment in time and knows just how much to push you to give more but not so much that you fall off the edge. A good trainer makes riding fun and inspires their students to want to do better and push themselves. 

You do not seem to have a good trainer in any sense of the word. She seems, from what you say, that she has one way she trains everyone, from a 15 yo experienced competitive rider who shows to a 30 yo seasoned rider who wants to get back in the saddle. That to me is wrong of a trainer or any teacher. You wouldn't expect a school teacher to teach the same thing and the same way to a 5 yo they would to a 18 yo? For me, the first thing riding should be is fun and if you are not having fun then you need to find someone who can help you not loose the passion and joy of riding. 

Good Luck.

PS-and for her to tell you that you could find a different trainer would be the point I say, "No problem, I will gladly take my money elsewhere!"


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

You are paying her to teach you. No teacher should demean their students. 

I like to stay in the middle, cause often their are two sides to a story, but I think here 
a)your personalities clash
b)she is not capable of dicerning the appropriate level to push a student. This is very important. Too much and you dont have fun and loose your confidence, too little and you dont progress
c)she has no respect for her students.

Move on to a trainer that is more in tune with your fitness and confidence levels. Over mounting you, then yelling at you when it doesnt work is a great way to distroy whatever confidence you had left.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

When I first read this:


> Today, I went back and got a different horse again, smaller and better trained but after 10 minutes of posting at a jog I was beat. My trainer requires at least 30 minutes of a posting trot. I was on a horse that I had to push and work to keep her going... hard work. I kept quitting on her - I have one on one lessons. She began getting frustrated with me and I with her. My trainer ended up firmly telling me that my backtalk would have to stop TODAY and quit being lazy or I would need to find another trainer. That hurt - I'm 30 not 13 and haven't heard those words since I was 17 or so....


My first thought was to ask you to think a minute and be really honest with yourself and ask yourself if you really were being lazy. I also rarely talk during a lesson, I just think about what I'm doing and what's being asked of me and the horse. I will ask for help if I just can't seem to get things to go the right way but other than that, rarely will I say anything during a lesson. After, I joke with my instructor and we rag each other a lot, all very friendly. 

Then I read this:


> She typically gets annoyed when she feels that I am not working hard enough or long enough. Last week when I was death gripping her TB mare, I stood up and hunched over the mare's neck - a natural response. She kept yelling at me - SIT DOWN, which was the opposite of what my mind was telling me to do. I just couldn't get my mind around it and finally yelled back "I'M TRYING!!!" To which she replied " NO YOU'RE NOT!" She had be get off the horse - which I was happy to do - then she told me that the mare was a level A show horse and I had NO business owning a horse, etc. Pretty much just scared me further.
> 
> Yesterday, we were working on bending our horses necks and the (different) mare I was on was stiff on one side. I felt like I was hurting the horse - as it was something I'd never done before. The horse kept backing up (the mare does western too) and I was having trouble boxing my worry/fear and focusing on what she was doing. My trainer said do what I'm asking or get off my horse - those are your two options. So, I made the horse turn to which she replied sarcastically "See you did it without exploding!"
> 
> As we left she said, "This backtalking is going to stop NOW or you're going to leave my barn." Whew, that made me mad! I can handle sarcasm, annoyed trainer, but being talked to like a 12 year old is intolerable! She rode her horse a head of me, obviously ****ed. As I was untacking my horse, I just broke down and we had words. I told her that I could not work if we couldn't get along. She replied, "What do you want me to do praise you? Kiss your butt? You DON'T PAY ME ENOUGH!" It was bad.  I walked away feeling like quitting everything.


And my response would have been, "You can kiss my big white A$$ as it's walking away, along with the checkbook from which you will never see another dime.". 

NO ONE has the right to talk to you like that, to demean and defeat you. YOU are PAYING for her to verbally beat you up, does that make even a little bit of sense to you? 

If my trainer feels I'm not riding my horse often enough, rarely a problem, he will say, "You need to get out here and ride your horse more (or longer or harder)." But that's it. I'm a woman full grown and it's my choice whether I make my goals or not. I set the goals, not him. He is there to help me reach my goals. He is there to encourage and to instruct and to CONSTRUCTIVELY criticize my riding to improve it. The day he talked to me like your instructor did you, I'd load my horse on the trailer and all he'd see was the dust. I'm paying for HIS KNOWLEGE not HIS SASS! That NO SASS rule goes both ways. 

Main thing is, there has to be mutual respect and it sounds like it's sorely lacking where you are. I would look for another instructor. Not one who'd baby me and worry overmuch about my fears and bruising my fragile self esteem, but one who would work me through those issues without tearing me down or making me more fearful.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I haven't met this trainer and I dont like her already! Find someone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Yup! I would be OUT OF THERE. My response to her telling me I don;t pay her enough would have been "how about I not pay you at all?" Bye.

A rider of your level from what you have said has no business on an A rated horse. JMHO. You need a beginner type horse to start with that you can better your seat, strengthen your legs, etc.

Sounds to me like she has a lot to learn. Problem is-I have seen a lot of trainers like this over the years. It sort of reminds me of the "toddlers and tiaras" moms who live vicariously thru the kids and make them do things they could not or would not do.

GO find another trainer and ride at a place where you learn and have fun. Life is too short, and this hobby is too expensive to not.


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## Cherie (Dec 16, 2010)

Humiliating and tearing down a rider is no way to teach. A good teacher builds up a rider and and instills confidence and hope. DUMP this instructor right away and find a new one or find a mentor that will help you gain confidence through control.

You put up with this behavior much longer than most people would have. It is completely unacceptable. Again -- DUMP HER and tell her why. 

Print out this answer if you have to. She qualifies for the 'B' word in my book.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Cherie said:


> She qualifies for the 'B' word in my book.


PurrrrrrrREACH it Sistah! I was thinkin the same thing.


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## aforred (May 12, 2010)

While you're out shopping for a new trainer, who knows how to act right, do you have any friends with beginner broke trail horses? I love Cherie's post, and it would be good for you to go out on an experienced horse with a friend, even if all you do is walk. You need to remember why horses are fun, and relaxing trail ride will do a lot to help.

I have had a couple teachers like this, but never a horse person I was paying. The problem is, she doesn't remember all yhe things she had to learn to get where she is, and she can't explain things to you so thay you can understand. My son did the hunched over the withers thing a couple days ago, when I first out him on a different horse. When I reminded him to breathe and look up at where he was going, his position was much closer to ideal. Training takes patience and the willingbess to work. It sounds like she's not willing to work if she can't put you on something you can ride and explain things so you can understand.

I would get out of that situation yesterday, and never look back. What she's doing is dangerous to you, both physically and mentally. You give her money to put you on a horse and help you netter communicate with that horse. She turns into a witch (the absolute cleanest word for whayt I really want to call her) and doesn't deliver the lesson you PAID for. Sounds a lot like theft to me, especially if it happens more than once.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

It's coaches like those who have pushed me to succeed. But I'm not in the sport for pleasure riding.
I would not label her a *****, or a bad coach, she just has different goals than you. The amount of times I have nearly blacked out on horseback from exhaustion, sweated through leather full seats in 30F weather or ridden in almost debilitating pain and kept my trap shut is staggering to some people. I've ridden a broncing horse through a line of flying changes with bruised ribs and having only eaten $10 worth of food in the past week because its all my bank account afforded me after paying for my horse, in a lesson, getting yelled at to sit up and stop pulling. And that's mild compared to what I've had to put up with to learn from the most brilliant people in the industry. I have a friend who got thrown off into a fence in a lesson and the international level jumper she was riding with laughed at her. And these are the most expensive lessons!

So, not a bad coach, at all, just different goals. You might have a better time at a barn geared less toward high level competition, as it sounds like that is what the coach is coaching you towards.

Good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4everiding (Jul 3, 2012)

Cedarane, from your post I gather these issues:
1. You're feeling discouraged and emotionally bruised
2. You're have some insecurities about your safety 
3. You're probably feeling a little anger torwards your trainer
4. You're not having fun
5. You lack confidence in your riding skills to advance

I think your best bet would be to find a new trainer who makes riding FUN and builds up your confidence. Not every trainer works well with every rider, because everyone has different personalities. Your current trainer sounds like a great fit for someone who likes that kind of pushing, who doesn't mind getting yelled at, and has the whole "no pain, no gain" mentality. Just because this isn't you, does not mean you need to change your personality (though if you are being super snarky with your trainer, I would suggest you stop that immediately). Maybe you just need to take a step back and have fun again while riding and evaluate what horseback riding means to you (riding for fun, competing locally, national championship dreams, etc...). Then, go on from there.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

4ever You're correct, I am feeling all of those things. I do want to show locally may be next spring or so, but I have no ambitions of becoming a big time hunter jumper. She may have had an off day, as when I arrived she was saddling up a horse and I asked "Is someone else riding with me?" She kind of looked at me like I was an idiot and said "No, just you and me. I do not tack for other people." Um, okay - I'd rather ask than assume. Perhaps she is making it clear that we are not meant to be friends. But by belitting me, does not make me respect her more. 

I don't mind being pushed, I enjoy a challenge (I'm very sore today from posting at a jog, which is awesome.)

So, perhaps it was her day to be off - I'm asking around at other stables and keeping my options open and giving her and I once last chance to work together. If we can't get it together this next week - I'll move on. She's been fine up until yesterday, abrasive, but fine. I typically don't talk on a normal basis as I'm trying to concentrate on what she's telling/yelling at me to do.


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## 4everiding (Jul 3, 2012)

Well good luck with everything! It will all work out for the best. Sometimes we all have bad days which can put us in really crappy moods and not realize that we may be taking out a bad mood on someone else. 

I used to be yelled at 3x a week in my lessons to the point of bringing a 24 year old to tears (embarassing). I used to take hunter lessons with a man who basically told me that I would not be showing my horse in anything other than greens and then on to the 3'6" adult amateurs. In the process, I was told I was stupid, I didn't deserve to own such a nice horse, I would never amount to anything, and he would never tell me how to fix any issues I was having. I was simply "doing it wrong" and when I asked how to fix it, I was "talking back". I couldn't deal with his "crappy mood" every single day.

I realized that though he's a professional and has trained some really nice horses/riders, I would not continue to pay $60/hr just to feel like crap about myself as I rider. I have since, moved barns, changed to an awesome trainer and have found my niche in eventing! I even pay less for my lessons, get to ride all sorts of nice well trained Dressage horses, and my horse discovered his love for the x-country course.


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## aldebono (Mar 15, 2012)

I couldn't imagine taking lessons from someone like that. I started taking lessons when I was 9 until 15 or so, then started riding students horses for my instructor. I have NEVER been yelled at or had to be subjected to a bad day she was having. I have seen her get really tough on a horse ONCE and it took 5 seconds from start to finish and she was smiling a second later. I have seen kids getting screamed at, and her barn always placed above them and their instructor. 

I won't tolerate anything less. I am not very competitive so I know I will not move on to A shows or anything above 3'6". I just want to enjoy my horse.


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## aforred (May 12, 2010)

cedarane said:


> 4ever You're correct, I am feeling all of those things. I do want to show locally may be next spring or so, but I have no ambitions of becoming a big time hunter jumper. She may have had an off day, as when I arrived she was saddling up a horse and I asked "Is someone else riding with me?" She kind of looked at me like I was an idiot and said "No, just you and me. I do not tack for other people." Um, okay - I'd rather ask than assume. Perhaps she is making it clear that we are not meant to be friends. But by belitting me, does not make me respect her more.
> 
> I don't mind being pushed, I enjoy a challenge (I'm very sore today from posting at a jog, which is awesome.)
> 
> So, perhaps it was her day to be off - I'm asking around at other stables and keeping my options open and giving her and I once last chance to work together. If we can't get it together this next week - I'll move on. She's been fine up until yesterday, abrasive, but fine. I typically don't talk on a normal basis as I'm trying to concentrate on what she's telling/yelling at me to do.


For some reason I thought that this was her "normal."

The most important question to ask yourself is whether or not she's helping you get where you want to be. 

If she was just having an off day, I'd still be mad that she couldn't be professional enough to suck it up and deal, like everyone else who has a job has to do from time to time. If tjis is her style of motivation, I think you would be happier with someone less intense.

I have had several trainers, and I have trained for high level competition. I used to suffer through the first indoor show pf every season, because I had reactive airways. Sometimes I was breathing faster than my horse. I had shingles at Nationals one year. My trainers had me keep working, but they were always aware of what I could physically handle and what I couldn't. My safety was always their first priority.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

aforred said:


> For some reason I thought that this was her "normal."
> 
> Good luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She usually pushes me but didn't insult me until yesterday and became VERY annoyed with my not meeting her standards.


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## aforred (May 12, 2010)

Have you had a goal setting session with her? She should know your capabilities by now, and you should know where you want to be. If you can get on the same page, maybe it will get better. Of course, I like plans! I want to know what is expected of me, and what I need to be working on during each lesson.

Sorry, I edited my last post before I read your last post, lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

And she is riding while she is teaching? I personally HATE that. Almost as much as them talking on the phone during a lesson. Yes, you need to make your goals clear, and if she cannot teach to your goals, not hers, then she is not a very god teacher, IMO.

Anebel-good on you if that is what you want. I have to say-better you than me, but any instructor should teach to the level and ability of their sudents, just as a good physician should be able to talk to his patients in terms they understand. You cannot raise them up if you start way over their head. Instruction such as you describe, I personally would describe as "eating your young" Many of us are not motivated by being belittled and basically abused.


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## stormylass (Jul 12, 2012)

I agree with everyone above this post at least!!!


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## jumanji321 (Dec 1, 2010)

Well with the extra information you gave us. Leave her now. She is not a good person for you to be learning under and you will only end up being upset with your self.


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## AbsitVita (Aug 28, 2012)

cedarane said:


> I've started going to my trainer every week, after taking 3 weeks off (just worked out that way). I came to lessons last week a little unnerved from stupidly riding a bunny hopping horse without a bit. My trainer put me on a new horse because of my experience with this other horse, I was death gripping the poor mare and we were cantering around the arena (I haven't mastered the posting trot yet. I was a little freaked out by that, but we ended on a good note. :-o
> 
> Today, I went back and got a different horse again, smaller and better trained but after 10 minutes of posting at a jog I was beat. My trainer requires at least 30 minutes of a posting trot. I was on a horse that I had to push and work to keep her going... hard work. I kept quitting on her - I have one on one lessons. She began getting frustrated with me and I with her. My trainer ended up firmly telling me that my backtalk would have to stop TODAY and quit being lazy or I would need to find another trainer. That hurt - I'm 30 not 13 and haven't heard those words since I was 17 or so....
> 
> ...


It sounds to me as if the switching horses is her way of punishing you for missing three weeks, and she called you out on it. Be the adult you are and request for some private time before or after your next training class to hash things out with her. It could be your own guilt for not showing up for three weeks and deep down you know she IS on valuable time, which she doesn't get paid for when there's a no show. Better yet, invite her to coffee after work, at her convenience and make an effort to genuinely apologize for "wasting" her time for those missed classes...tell her you will try harder and try to get her to speak her mind without pointing blame in either direction. If you feel once again, that she's attacking you verbally, maybe you could ask her what's going on and hopefully she will see that you want to be on the same page with her and open up to you. At any right, keep in mind that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar!


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

Wait, why should the OP be "punished" and "called out" for missing three weeks of lessons? She's an adult -- presumably life got in the way. Happens to the best of us. It doesn't excuse the thoroughly unprofessional and immature behaviour of the instructor. Sorry, there are plenty of friendly, encouraging, and helpful trainers out there. No need to put up with someone who acts like a tool whenever she has a "bad" day. 

Anebel, I agree with Franknbeans and a *good* teacher will be able to adapt to the goals and requirements of his/her students. The "boot camp" approach may work for some. Definitely not everybody. I have also had some boot camp style instructors in my life and it definitely made my riding worse.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

*Punished?*



AbsitVita said:


> It sounds to me as if the switching horses is her way of punishing you for missing three weeks, and she called you out on it. Be the adult you are and request for some private time before or after your next training class to hash things out with her. It could be your own guilt for not showing up for three weeks and deep down you know she IS on valuable time, which she doesn't get paid for when there's a no show. Better yet, invite her to coffee after work, at her convenience and make an effort to genuinely apologize for "wasting" her time for those missed classes...tell her you will try harder and try to get her to speak her mind without pointing blame in either direction. If you feel once again, that she's attacking you verbally, maybe you could ask her what's going on and hopefully she will see that you want to be on the same page with her and open up to you. At any right, keep in mind that you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar!


If someone is going to punish me for choosing not to participate in the sport for my own reasons, they really need to get a life and I need to get a new trainer. I don't believe that is the case here. I don't feel guilty about missing 3 weeks - I was going every other week at that time. I don't do no shows, I let her know at least 24 hours in advance that I will not be coming if something comes up. I'm an adult. I've been stood up, I'm not attempting to waste her time. There is NO way I'd apologize for missing lessons. I'm PAYING her to teach me on MY schedule - I'm willing to adhere to the time frames she has, but I too have a life (and a 11 month old son).


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

I did email her about my last lesson and I think she was just having a bad day. She became irritated with me for not working harder (which is apparently her pet peeve) and I became snappy and frustrated. I will give this one last chance to work, if next week's lesson ends in hard words and tears, I'll be pulling the plug on her. I think too we are somewhat the same and think a lot alike - I just have to go in with my work face on and take nothing to heart. I'll save that for my horse.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

cedarane said:


> I did email her about my last lesson and I think she was just having a bad day. She became irritated with me for not working harder (which is apparently her pet peeve) and I became snappy and frustrated. I will give this one last chance to work, if next week's lesson ends in hard words and tears, I'll be pulling the plug on her.


 
You are a much more forgiving soul than I am. She wouldn't get anymore chances after her 'bad' day. If someone hurts my feelings or p*sses me off to the point I look to a forum for guidance or need to vent like that, we're done, no more excuses or chances. 

So, kudos to you for being such a nice gal, I hope it works to your advantage!


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

Me too - Thanks Pat.


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## Hailey1203 (Dec 12, 2010)

Im subbing to this! Im curious as to how your next lesson goes. However, i would have gotten the heck out of dodge already!


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I've never heard of anyone being told to trot for 30 min. If not out of compassion for the rider it quickly contributes to a ring sour horse that either becomes mindless or beings to rebel. Since I often work with adult women who are getting back in to horses I tell them to let me know if something is worrysome or beyond their phisical limitations. I also warn them that if their gut instinct tells them to not do something, then listen to it and let me know. We can always change direction.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

If my coach talked to me like a child I'd be telling her "nice knowing you" and look elsewhere. She obviously doesn't need your money. On second thought I'd call her and tell her you will be heeding her advice. Of course she won't know what you are talking about, so let her know you'll be seeking another trainer. I don't take well with ultimatums.


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## ligoleth (Sep 9, 2011)

As my instructor once told to a notorious sass.... riding is a priviledge.

Edit: Just to add more clarification:
My instructor one day got very irritated with a young girl [15] who ALWAYS talks back, and acts rude to everyone. Well, nearly everyone. She sucks up a lot. but anyway, my instructor would tell her to do something, and she'd sass, or talk back and generally try and worm her way around what he wanted her to do. 

One day he threatened to kick her off the horse if she continued. 
he usually never does this, to anyone, but I guess his tolerance was getting low. 

Later, I had a lesson with him. 
he was teaching me on how to use my leg more, and we were doing circles. By the time I was done doing my fifth circle, my knees and legs were absolutely burning. he knew this, too, but also requested I keep doing it. while he was away, he asked that I continue doing it while he took care of some things in the barn. 

I did, but t got to the point where my knees were burning so much I had to straighten out and walk normally while continuing again shortly after. he caught me, and told me to do it again and I responded that I know, but I was just, da-da-da-da-da. It was then that we had a chat about back talk and basically about how people [not just myself at that moment] have been talking back and generally not doing as he requested. he used the girl as an example as to why it's been getting on his nerves. The reason he says for us to do things is because he wants us to get better, make us safer, and let us have fun. As long as we do as he requests, we can accomplish that.


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## AbsitVita (Aug 28, 2012)

Sorry I understand more clearly now.  My problem is that due to military training/time served I am an "order taker" kind of person. I sometimes tend to let people run all over me because of this, perhaps I should take some wisdom from you.

I say it's time to find a new trainer, because the training was agreed to be around YOUR schedule, then she should be the one to check herself. I was out of line to say what I did in the first post. Apparently the trainer was out of line as well. I would tell her "Thank you for your time but your services are no longer needed" and leave it at that. Hopefully, you will find a better trainer.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

Now that my emotions have subsided this is bothering me more and more. I can understand getting frusterated with me and encouraging me, but yelling at me and hurling hurtful comments is really not okay. That is not a good teacher/a good teaching style for me. Guilting, yelling, and scare tactics do not work with me and I feel those are the primary tools of this instructor.

Her goals for me are to be at a posting trot for 15-20 minutes so I can build up my stamina, but then she gets frustrated when I get tired and want to take a short break. It's my lesson, shouldn't I be able to walk a lap, catch my breath and get back to work? 

If a teacher spoke to me that way in a formal education setting, I'd have reported them directly. I'm a teacher and I can be strict, but I never talk down to my students or insult or scare them. 

I'm looking into another bard, where the trainer is British and adult riders are more common. The stable owner and lesson instructor are not the same person, the have an indoor arena, a better kept up barn, and in the emails I've sent they seem much friendlier.

This is my hobby and for my enjoyment and it should be enjoyable!


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Re 30 min of trotting. My father was a minister who had to deliver sermons every Sunday. He had the time down pat so that the congregation not lose interest. Exactly 17 min. That is how long a person's attention can be held then the mind begins to drift. "My pews are getting harder the longer I sit here." " I've invited the Smiths over for lunch and no idea of what to serve" etc. This works with riding lessons as well.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

I texted her and am discontinuing my lessons permanently. Her response was verbatim, "That's great!" : /

Anyhow, we went and checked out another barn that offers hunting, jumping, cross country, trail riding, western riding - the barn manager and lesson instructor are very friendly via email and the horses are happy and relaxed. Much more my pace. We are bringing our horse home in just over a week! I'm SO excited!


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## PunksTank (Jul 8, 2012)

I haven't read everything sorry, I just wanted to say I have a student who sounds much like you, an adult woman who knows her body and what she can and can't handle.
We spent the first few weeks working on learning the trot for 10-15 minutes out of the lesson on the lunge line. That way she got to learn _how_to trot without having to fight to keep the horse trotting. This helped build up her strength and stamina. The rest of the lesson would be spent learning about steering and eventually even bending. She tires too quickly to do extensive trotting work - but she can certainly learn the intricacies of steering and bending at the walk.
We too, recently had 3 weeks off. So the first day back, rather than trotting, we worked on yielding. She learned all about how to have the horse side-pass. In practicing all these skills with her legs she's building up leg muscles in slow mild ways rather than fast intensive beatings of the posting trot. By the next few weeks she'd begun trotting more and more. Building up leg strength is easiest in slower ways, like practicing yielding and side passing a horse with your legs, rather than constant posting. It takes time.

I also don't believe anyone should canter or jump unless they have a strong, confident trot. They should be able to keep a horse trotting consistently, they should be able to thoroughly steer, not just keep the horse on the rail but also be able to do figures and circles at the posting trot. If you can't steer at the trot you certainly can't at the canter. 

I think you need to take things at _your own pace_ if you trainer feels that's too slow get a new trainer. Riding is a hobby - it's supposed to be fun. Get someone you can enjoy!


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## NBEventer (Sep 15, 2012)

I thrive off trainers like this. I want to be ripped to shreds and built back up. I have had clinicians tell me to suck it up or leave. I sucked it up. It keeps driving me forward and drives me to better myself. I HATE lessons where the coach stands there going "beautiful! great! thats perfect!" Bah no ride is perfect. There is ALWAYS something to be fixed.

Yet I know people who thrive off the positive encouraging pet on the head lessons. 

Its a matter of personal taste, preferences and your personality. Sometimes its just a bad match.

I took a dressage clinic where the clinician kept going on and on about how great and wonderful I was doing and I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs lol. It drove me insane!

The last jumping clinic I was in the clinician told me if I didn't sit up and ride and get my eyes up to get off my horse and leave the lesson and she would never teach me again. Boy did I suck it up and pull my thumb out of my behind and road like I have never ridden before and it was AMAZING! Its lessons like this that have gotten me to where I am and made me the rider I am today. I get competitive with myself and keep pushing for the day when I KNOW that I have beat all my bad habbits and impress the hard to impress coach. 

Anyway... my point is that it sounds like you and this trainer just don't have the right student/teacher personality match. So all you can do is thank her for her time and her help and move on to the next trainer until you find one that matches your personality. It doesn't mean that she is a bad coach. It just means that her teaching style does not work for you. And there is nothing wrong with that. She is out to make a living for herself, not to befriend everyone who walks through the door of her barn. And again, there is nothing wrong with that. She is just not for you


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## Jessahorselover (Sep 20, 2012)

I would go somewhere else that offers group lessons then when the instructor is picking on someone else you could relax a little like I did until I was able to post for longer times.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

NBEventer said:


> I thrive off trainers like this. I want to be ripped to shreds and built back up. I have had clinicians tell me to suck it up or leave. I sucked it up. It keeps driving me forward and drives me to better myself. I HATE lessons where the coach stands there going "beautiful! great! thats perfect!" Bah no ride is perfect. There is ALWAYS something to be fixed.


I'm not expecting a butt kissing or hand holding instructor. I can handle being yelled at for doing something wrong. What I can not is being personally attacked. She could have easily spoken to me after the lesson in a calm and rational manner. 

I was fine with her in group lessons, but one on one we just clashed. A teacher must be there for the student to lean on (in any subject) before they can master the material and then be graded on it. 

No longer an issue, as I've moved on to a different barn and trainer. Who I hope to take a lesson with this week or next.


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## Jessahorselover (Sep 20, 2012)

Good for you and good luck.


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## Plains Drifter (Aug 4, 2009)

Keep us posted on your new lessons and new barn! Wishing you lots of luck!


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## NBEventer (Sep 15, 2012)

I can completely understand what you are saying. And you do deserve respect as does anyone who is paying for her service and you expect respect. I did not mean to imply that you were expect the overly positive hand holding trainer. What I meant is everyone has a different style they do best with.

I had a clinic with a Olympic rider once and he told me I was an embarassment to equestrians and he feels sorry for my horse blah blah blah. I looked and him and saod "so?" I think I shocked him by not caring lol. So we all have our breaking point. I did eventually hit mine with him later on when he told me my horse was nothing more then dog food.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4everiding (Jul 3, 2012)

I don't want anypone kissing my butt when I ride or pretending like the sun shines out of it, etc...but if I'm PAYING you and being respectful, there's absolutely no reason or excuse to be just plain mean and rude. I've taken myself out of a lesson when a trainer was just mean and disrespectful to me..."I don't pay you $60/hr to treat me like dog poo stuck to the bottom of your shoe"


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## Jessahorselover (Sep 20, 2012)

No one has to take that garbage and a trainner that resorts to it can't be much of a trainner.


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## PunksTank (Jul 8, 2012)

NBEventer said:


> I had a clinic with a Olympic rider once and he told me I was an embarassment to equestrians and he feels sorry for my horse blah blah blah. I looked and him and saod "so?" I think I shocked him by not caring lol. So we all have our breaking point. I did eventually hit mine with him later on when he told me my horse was nothing more then dog food.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's when I would reach physical violence, on top of demanding a full refund - Why would anyone pay to be attacked. There's a big difference between teaching and criticizing.


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm glad you found a different instructor. 

I think that even international level trainers should have decent social skills. There is no reason to "beat up" a student like that - show rider or pleasure rider. They should mix praise and cricticism and be fair. And PATIENT. They should be someone you want to mimic - riding skills and teaching skills.


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## steedaunh32 (Jun 5, 2008)

OP I had a trainer and experience that was extremely similar to yours. When I went out to meet her for the first time I clearly explained to her that I rode as a child, had an accident, and wanted to get back into lessons but that I had some confidence issues I was going to need to work through, mainly on the ground. She said no problem! She pretty much just wanted my money and from what I could tell, taught every student exactly the same, with no individualized instruction or attention. She would always roll her eyes at me and tell me how not assertive I was. When I wasn't picking things up as quickly as she thought I should, she would laugh and shake her head, and then point out that her 8 year old son could do it. I'm a young adult rider and I couldn't believe she was so demeaning. She did not once do anything to help me with my confidence or insecurities, she just expected that I would "get over it" (her words). I spent several years in the military and can take a verbal beating, but this was supposed to be enjoyable for me and I found myself dreading going to ride with this woman. Needless to say I left after a few months. Funny how she was bad -talking (to me!) about another one of her students who was leaving also. She kept telling me she was afraid of her horse, etc. I do think she is a knowledgeable horseperson, with some credible experience, but I also firmly believe that not everyone who is good as doing something has any business teaching the same thing. She was clearly unprofessional, and reading the reviews of her place online, I am not the only one to notice.

Fast forward a year...took time off to have a baby and through a mutual friend, took two beginner english lessons at a new facility. I can't tell you the night and day difference. I didn't think lessons like that existed! The girl (she was younger than me) I took instruction from was fantastic, patient, knew when to push and encourage me but also respected my boundaries. She would say things like, "when you're ready, ask for this", or "let me know if and when you need a walk break". "How do you feel about this?" Etc. Just what I needed, and I feel I progressed more in two lessons with her than in any lessons with at the previous place. 

I wish you the best of luck! There are wonderful, knowledgeable trainers out there that are not only experienced themselves, but fantastic instructors. No one else is really worth the time and money in my opinion.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

steedaunh32 said:


> OP She pretty much just wanted my money and from what I could tell, taught every student exactly the same, with no individualized instruction or attention. She would always roll her eyes at me and tell me how not assertive I was. When I wasn't picking things up as quickly as she thought I should, she would laugh and shake her head, and then point out that her 8 year old son could do it. I'm a young adult rider and I couldn't believe she was so demeaning. She did not once do anything to help me with my confidence or insecurities, she just expected that I would "get over it" (her words). I spent several years in the military and can take a verbal beating, but this was supposed to be enjoyable for me and I found myself dreading going to ride with this woman. Needless to say I left after a few months.


Seems like I'm running into a few of those in my time. I've been told I'm worse than a 10 year old and need to grow some balls.  I just wonder how those trainers believe that is going to help a student grow! I teach and I would never compare my students to one of a lower grade or tell them to "grow a pair" and just do it! Hopefully my new trainer, who teaches at several different farms wont be a b!tch! :wink:


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## sillyhorses (Sep 2, 2011)

I do have to say, from the position of an instructor who had a very bizarre couple of experiences with a particular rider... the instructor may not have been THAT out of line. I read this, and the OP sounds like she could be the lady who came to my farm. Loved horses, wanted to ride horses, but had so much fear built up from supposed previous experiences that she repeatedly placed herself in precarious and dangerous situations. I had tons of compassion for the woman and what she was struggling with, but I will not tolerate a rider knowingly putting themselves in harms way and being rude to ME and BLATANTLY IGNORING ME when I explain how to be safe, step by step. I.E. The OP's statement that she was dangerously hunched over the horse's neck and the instructor told her to sit down and she screamed back "I'M TRYING". If you can't control your emotions enough to follow a basic instruction, then you probably should not be riding. If you get to a point where you think it is okay to lash out, you should remove yourself from the situation instead of having to put the instructor in the position of telling you to "get off". There is a _HUGE _difference between being actually UNABLE to do something, and flat refusing, and in most instances, a prudent person would know the difference.

My student was very eager to ride, and I really wanted her to learn to enjoy herself, but her snippy, nasty and downright argumentive attitude made working with her a nightmare and a hazard. I repeatedly questioned (in my head) why the GROWN WOMAN kept coming back if riding was so awful for her. She was downright rude and demanding... would want instruction, and when given, she'd ALWAYS argue back as to WHY she couldn't, WITHOUT trying. Riding fears are not like other "fears" (such as heights, where getting over it involves just yourself or your support team), it involves a living, breathing, THINKING animal that will respond to your actions (whether from fear or whatever). People with the type of fear that makes them think it is okay to lash out at people instructing them on how to make it more safe (thereby reducing the need for fear, and providing a more enjoyable riding experience, all around), and whose fear drives them to unsafe horsemanship practices SHOULD NOT continue to try to force themselves to ride. It isn't good for themselves, the horses or the instructors - you make yourself a liability. You can enjoy horses from the ground - learn to drive them... or get a rocking horse. After one particularly frustrating instance with the lady at my barn, I dismissed her and explained why. I shouldn't have had to; it never should have came to that, as she was a grown woman who should have recognized that her fears made her behave in an irrational, UNKIND and unsafe manner.


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## sillyhorses (Sep 2, 2011)

Added: Basically my point is, with regard to your "trainer or me?" question: you don't have to answer any of us here, but ask yourself if the above scenario sounds like you. You are an adult, you should be able to make this decision yourself. If multiple people are telling you this, something is up.


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

sillyhorses said:


> Added: Basically my point is, with regard to your "trainer or me?" question: you don't have to answer any of us here, but ask yourself if the above scenario sounds like you. You are an adult, you should be able to make this decision yourself. If multiple people are telling you this, something is up.


Interesting. I came to this forum to seek advice as I wasn't sure if I was being problematic or the trainer. I took lessons from several trainers and have worked at a few barns, never have I experienced anyone that kept such a messy barn and had such a foul attitude. I am a teacher and I understand what you are saying about rude students. She and I just did not get along. Who would put a beginner on a Level A show horse? When I feel as though I am going to die, my civility flies out the window. I'm just not one to sit mutely atop a horse and not process the information I'm given. Learning is a dialogue. If I wanted to have commands rammed down my throat and not learn why, I would have joined the military.

I have made this decision on own and am finding it helpful to connect with others who have had somewhat similar experiences.


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## sillyhorses (Sep 2, 2011)

If the show horse is wonderfully trained, that would probably be the most ideal mount. Doesn't matter the show level... It matters whether the horse is well trained, obedient, willing, calm and forgiving. 

All I'm saying is that it sounds like you should try to be more introspective. By being whiny, snippy and flat refusing to do something you were instructed (which would have produced the desired results, in most instances) you refused to let the trainer do what you pay her for. It is one thing to say "wow, my legs are burning/I'm out of breath, I need a break", and another to flat refuse instruction. You asked if it was yourself with the problem or the trainer... You keep pointing out what you disliked, why did you even return? If you disliked/couldn't handle the "required"posting trot time frame, why even return? As an instructor, I have clearly posted barn rules - I expect people who don't like them to seek services elsewhere... NOT to come into my farm and expect my rules to suddenly change because it doesn't suit them. 
You should be asking yourself some questions about your own behaviors and reasoning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

sillyhorses said:


> If the show horse is wonderfully trained, that would probably be the most ideal mount. Doesn't matter the show level... It matters whether the horse is well trained, obedient, willing, calm and forgiving.
> 
> All I'm saying is that it sounds like you should try to be more introspective. By being whiny, snippy and flat refusing to do something you were instructed (which would have produced the desired results, in most instances) you refused to let the trainer do what you pay her for. It is one thing to say "wow, my legs are burning/I'm out of breath, I need a break", and another to flat refuse instruction. You asked if it was yourself with the problem or the trainer... You keep pointing out what you disliked, why did you even return? If you disliked/couldn't handle the "required"posting trot time frame, why even return? As an instructor, I have clearly posted barn rules - I expect people who don't like them to seek services elsewhere... NOT to come into my farm and expect my rules to suddenly change because it doesn't suit them.
> You should be asking yourself some questions about your own behaviors and reasoning.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm extremely introspective, nearly to a fault - it took me a week to get over the first horse incident and has taken me about the same time to get over the falling out with my trainer. Could I have held my tongue, yes. Could she have been kinder, yes. 

I returned the first time after about half a dozen great lessons with my ex trainer. I had ridden a horse that bunny hopped on me and didn't think it effected me. When she put me on her Level A show horse, I death gripped the horse - my fault for making it canter around. So, then I was freaking out over what had happened with a different horse and then what was happening while I was having great difficulty controling my fear and the horse. That's when I snapped and got off, we ended that lesson on a good note and I chalked it up to a bad day.

The next lesson I was placed on a different horse and I did fine. I told her after ten minutes of posting at a jog that I needed a break. She didn't want me to take one and was disappointed that I stopped as she wanted me to keep going for 5-10 more minutes. My legs were on fire and I was gasping for breath. Yes, I'm out of shape. Yes, I could lose 15lbs, but it isn't going to happen in one training session.

We worked on trotting for another 10-20 minutes and then worked on bending our horses. She told me that whomever gave me lessons as a child really didn't teach me anything (I have no idea after 15 years how good my instructors were), I was a lot braver back then and had a lot less on the line.  The horse I was on was stiff on one side and did not want to bend. I was doing my best to do what she said, when the horse started backing up. I told her then that I was freaking out (I needed to do a circle or something and come back to it). I eventually did it and then she blew up at me. 

She mainly teaches children, so she may not be use to someone saying 'Hey, this is making me worry. Or help me understand what's going on here. Or I need to check my emotions, give me 5 and let me check myself." 

I'm not a robot and I'm not a mean person. I respect teachers, but as an adult, I hope the respect is mutual. I'm not paying for abuse.


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## sillyhorses (Sep 2, 2011)

You still didnt answer the question: you knew she expected posting trot fire a certain amount of time. You knew you couldn't hang with that. WHY did you go back? I'm sorry, your story isn't adding up with me... in any case, best of luck. Aside from working on your ability to be introspective (what I just read was "she did this, that...the other, poor me..."), go to a barn, if you like it stay. If you don't like the trainer's expectations, move on. It didnt have to be as dramatic as your refusal to follow instructions and the subsequent consequences made it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sillyhorses (Sep 2, 2011)

P.S. Riding instructors aren't Burger King employees, where the customer is always right. You'd be mindful to remember that. Actually, it is quite the contrary when it comes to working with a 1100 + lb prey animal. Any trainer worth their fees is going to be adamant that a student be safe, above all else. Fear or no fear. 

Snapping and getting off isn't ending on a good note, btw. Plus, you previously said she TOLD YOU to get off.

Anyhow... like I said. Be prudent in your search for a new trainer, learn the expectations. If you don't like them, it is as simple as declining future services or simply not returning :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

To answer your question; I went back to push myself, to grow and learn.

Riding instructors may not be fast food employees, but they are responsible for making sure their students are safe and understand what is going on.

I think we will have to agree to disagree on this one.


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## PunksTank (Jul 8, 2012)

As a riding instructor - there's a big difference between pushing a student to do what you know they're capable of and pushing them beyond their breaking point. I typically work with therapy students, but have a number of recreational students as well. I find the communication skills I need apply for both groups. 
My students (of both varieties) will sometimes get snippy and grouchy, assessing their current mental status is important for the day. What they're feeling up to today and what they will next week can be completely different, so focus on today. 
Yes, riding instructors need to push their students, but there's ways to do it. It sounds to me like the OP's trainer was rude, insulting, name calling. Perhaps the OP returned the fire, either way, she's hired a professional to train her, not berate her. Trainers need to be adept at communicating and encouraging. If a student isn't comfortable doing what you ask of them, YOU did something wrong, not the student. The instructor has not prepared you enough for the skill they're asking of you if the student isn't comfortable with it. 
If you're having trouble trotting for extended periods of time, if you were my student we'd spend a few weeks working on leg yielding with just 2 or 3, 5 minute trot sessions throughout the lesson. Perhaps I'd even make you ride bareback for a couple weeks, just walking and leg yielding. This would help you build your muscles and core strengths. Then I'd probably put you on a lunge line and let you trot for a while where all you ever have to do is worry about your own self. 

There are ways to teach students to be their best without being rude.


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## Live2Ride15 (Feb 22, 2012)

Have you had any lessons at the new barn yet?


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## cedarane (Jun 11, 2012)

Not yet - I haven't been able to catch up with the trainer, but it's not big deal. I could bring another trainer in if need be. I've talked with her via email and the barn owner quite often over the past few weeks and feel they are an excellent fit.


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## Reno Bay (Jul 8, 2012)

I'm all for strict trainers/instructors, but this woman is crossing the line IMO. I'd drop her in a second.
If you're hurting and trying to explain to your instructor that you are _in pain_, that is NOT back-talk.
She was _completely_ out of line with the "you don't pay me enough" comment. I'm glad you found
something else, even if you haven't ridden there yet.

I don't complain when I'm in pain, and it takes a lot for me to get to the point where I need to stop.
A good example was when we were doing no-stirrup trot/canter work, posting and two-point. That
takes a lot more energy and strength than having stirrups. After a good 20 minutes I just had to stop
because my ovarian cysts were acting up and I was in excruciating abdominal pain. My instructor had
been previously informed of my various medical conditions, so she allowed me to walk until I felt I
could continue with the lesson. If she had been snarky like your trainer, I would have taken my business
elsewhere immediately.

My current trainer is very strict, but in a _constructive_ way. Sure, she does tell us when we are looking good,
but she also corrects us _constantly_ on our tension, seat, legs, everything!


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## justashowmom (Aug 14, 2011)

IMHO teaching an adult to ride is so very different from teaching kids. Adults have jobs where we are often required to be in charge, make decisions, etc. It's hard to put all that in a box and let yourself go and be in the hands of someone else. Can't tell you how many times I have heard "stop thinking and just ride" from my oh so patient, funny, sarcastic, saintly trainer. 

That said, I would no more pay a trainer that yelled and belittled me as an adult than I would pay such a person to teach my kid. We ride because it is fun and we take lessons so that we get better at it and therefore, have more fun. There used to be a "trainer" that brought students to local shows - all he did was stand at the edge of the warm up area and yell. He is not around anymore.

However, Karma being the loving b______ that she is, your current trainer may find herself studentless and forever wonder why.


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