# maybe im not cut out for the horse world...



## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

Today I officially lost all hope with horses. I do not think I am cut out for this world. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of owning a horse. I would stand for hours at the fair just admiring those who rode beautifully and had a great bond with their four legged friends. I was so excited when my fiance told me he would buy me a horse! I volunteered at a horse rescue, bought many books, and spent hours on this website soaking in all the information I could before I brought home my first gelding.
Nothing was the same as what I had learned. For the past 5 months, it has been hell. I had a lease horse who hated me and bucked like crazy. The girl I got him from said he was very begginer safe and would teach me. I stuck it out with this guy until she just showed up and took him one day. I payed so much money into his vet bills, teeth, had to buy 3 different saddles until he would let me mount ( they all fit perfect, she said he was just picky about what he is going to be rdden in). I was told I was too soft on him, then too hard. I had multiple trainers out with a wide variety of training methods. Needless to say he was a disaster.
In February I bought an Arabian gelding who was very shy. I worked with my trainer and taught him to lunge, ground manners, and to trust people. Well since the lease horse left he forgot everything. He won't let me on and tries to buck when I do mount. He doesn't know squat for cues on the lunge line and won't let me catch him. I have read many posts and asked a lot of questions myself. Today I was trying to catch him and would make him move if he started to get away from me. I kept it up for an hour until it started to down pour. All the while I have my neighbor screaming at me across her pasture saying I'm being abusive and blah blah blah (I never layed a hand or whip on him, just loud noises). He is 19, I am not going to out that old of a horse through profession training. 
I have had trainers and the vet out who have oked him for riding, no pain or problems. I have not had one decent ride. On any horse. I have been looking at horses to buy, got bucked off 3, had 2 sold out from under me, and was supposed to pick up a horse today, but the girl decided to charge DOUBLE the second I got the horse in the trailer. I walked away. 
My fiance said that he has seen me get more emotional over these darn horses than I have during our whole relationship. I hate showing my emotions, but trying to work with these horses brings me to my knees in tears. I love horses, and even though I haven't gotten in a good ride, I enjoy taking care of them. I actually like mucking out stalls, picking up poo in the pasture, feeding, cleaning everything. It males me feel so accomplished. 
I've been taking lessons, learning and working with a trainer.
Maybe I'm just not cut out for horse ownership. No matter what I try, I have someone standing over my shoulder saying I'm doing it all wrong. Theres no enjoyment in this anymore. I've lost faith that I will ever find what I'm looking for. 
Thanks for listening. Any advice would be appreciated.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

If I wanted a horse to enjoy, as it sounds like you do so badly, I would continue lessons (just general riding) and wait until I came across a "been there done that" horse in it's middle to later teens. Sound and easy to get along with.

Even if it isn't show ring pretty, I promise you will come to love that horse. If, as time goes on, you get to the point that you want, must, show, you can still keep your reliable pal and enjoy him or share him with others. Others, who like you, really want to experience the best of riding.

I ride a variety of sport and work horses. They are amazing. I school spoiled ones, too. Love making a difference for them and their owners. But, big whoopie that I can do all that. It was just exposure to those types that gave me a few skills. 

My favorite riding is on any fantastic older, gentle horse. Those are priceless and don't get the credit they deserve. The level of enjoyment riding one of them is almost heavenly.


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

You didn't mention them anywhere so I'm just curious. Did you ever take lessons before volunteering or leasing or purchasing a horse? You talk about working with a trainer towards improving your horse, but what about lessons on a safe quiet lesson horse just focusing on yourself and having fun getting to know horses?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oh vair oh (Mar 27, 2012)

Sounds more like you haven't found the right partner yet. Don't lease crazy horses, don't buy shy horses, don't look at potential horses without your trainer present... Have your trainer buy you an old, broke horse with no problems. Not everyone is cut out to be a trainer right away... you need to find a horse that would essentially be a lesson horse for your home and learn from there. ): Don't get wrapped up in the "Black Beauty" and "Flicka" nonsense. Horsemanship is not as magical as it may seem... it's a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but you can help yourself by finding something dead broke.

Just my 2 cents from what I've read. ):


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## arrowsaway (Aug 31, 2011)

I have experienced, and still am experiencing some of what you are going through. You are not alone in your desire or your frustration.
Two things that I think are worth thinking about.
1- Be a cautious buyer/leaser. Look at hundreds of horses if you have to. Because, ultimately, finding the right one for you is worth the time and effort. Test ride them extensively, have vet checks done before you buy, etc. And try to steer clear of low-priced animals. Those are often the ones with issues that sellers are trying to get rid of, labeled as a "good deal!" when in fact, the horse is a bucker/biter/whathaveyou. Number one rule [for me anyway] when it comes to horses: You get what you pay for. It sounds like you're having a hard time finding a reliable mount, and in that case I'd turn my attention to farms that breed and train their horses. Especially if you're a trail rider. These animals are $3000 and up for a reason - because people take the time and effort to turn them into confidence building, gentle, and reliable animals. If I had the money, that's most certainly where I'd go to find myself a good horse. If you can afford it, I encourage you.
2- Buying books, reading forums, working with a trainer... all wonderful things! I commend on you on your efforts. The best thing you can do as a horseperson, however, is master your leadership skills. Do not be afraid of correcting your horse, of backing him/her or doing circles until they decide to behave, of utilizing a crop or a whip if you have to. Own your space, and then invite them in. OOZE confidence, and they will seek to follow you. I know, maybe easier said than done. Some days, I still struggle. It's easier to become a confident rider/handler on a horse that isn't going to constantly challenge your authority, also. Which brings me back to number one.


I know some days it feels like nothing you do is right. Throwing in the towel is appealing. I've certainly felt that I'm not cut out for this lifestyle. Please, don't let a couple bumps in the road deter you. The mistakes you make now are actually invaluable learning opportunities. It WILL get better. All in good time.


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## Cowgirl140ty (Jan 7, 2010)

Dont count yourself out yet. Unfortunatley, there are so many people in the horse world that will lie to make a buck. And i think you have come across a few. What you need to do is find a reputable breeder or traiher and deal through them. Or atleast have a trainer will to go look at potential buys. I couldnt imagine a life without horses. So i hope, that a few bad apples dont ruin the whole bunch for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

That lease horse sounds like a huge diaster.. there should have been no need for you to pay vet bills... buy all these saddles, and get bucked off.

That was NOT your fault, nor your responsibility.

As for your neighbour.. she's silly. That isn't abusive, that's called walking a horse down. Non horsey people see everything they don't understand as abusive or "mean" since they obviously don't understand horses.

Third, I think you got landed with a whole bunch of bad calls. Some people out there selling horses are cruel and just plain liars.. others are truthful. Beginner safe horses advertised does not equal beginner safe. People will do ANYTHING for money. 

I think you need to stop trying to find a horse for now. Find a good riding instructor that can help you in your riding, and eventually help you find a horse. 

It sounds like you've been through quite the ordeal.. but that's not the horse world I know and love


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## mysticalhorse (Apr 27, 2011)

In so sorry that you've been through all of that! The first thing that came to mind was find a group to take lessons with and start from the beginning. Beat of luck to you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## skyhorse1999 (Dec 29, 2011)

i think you should go back to a basic lesson horse. you sound like you know what to do with a horse, you just dont know how to do it. dont give up because the perfect horse (wich you will find) is worth it. you may even come across a lesson horse that is for sale, and that would be great. i doont know how you end up with these horses, i have spent my entire carrear trying to get a horse HARD enough for me, and i have met plenty of gentle giants along the way. kkeep looking, and youll find the perfect horse!


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## corgi (Nov 3, 2009)

I am so sorry you are feeling so down. I have been there too! I was bucked off the first two horses I looked at to buy. Ended up in the ER because of the second one...have a lasting scar on my arm from the first one.

When I finally found my horse, i was unable to ride her when I first brought her to my boarding facility. She was a holy terror and did not seem like the horse I had fallen in love with.

I worked through it with a very good trainer. Turns out, it wasn't the horse that had issues. It was me. She was sensing my total lack of confidence and was taking advantage of it. The trainer taught me how to get my confidence back. I am not saying that is what is happening in your case, but I wanted to tell you that others know what you are going through.

And your comment about your fiance saying you have been more emotional over all of this than he has ever seen you, made me smile....because my husband says the same thing to me! He calls it "horse drama" and tells me that if he had known how crazy I would get over this horse, he would have talked me out of it.

I worry all the time...i worry when she is "off" a bit that she has an injury. I worry when she has a moody day that we are going to have to start over with our training again. Heck, I even worried she was pregnant last week.

But the drama is worth it when the riding is good! Hang in there. I just dont think you have found your horse yet. You will. I promise.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

I took up riding at 50. The horse I bought for me was sold as 'perfect for a beginner'. Nearly 4 years later, a trainer concluded she had never really been trained at all. I have a hip that is still sore over 3 years later from an accident months after I got her. With work, I think she will someday be a good horse. Maybe another year to get her to 'OK trail horse' status.

If I had to do it all over, rather than buying a horse and learning, I would have focused on learning for a year or two first. In my defense, our horse purchases were based on my wife & daughter, not me, although I'm now the one who does the most riding.

The limits of my 50 year old body made learning take longer than most would need, but a year of good lessons first would have done wonders for me. In part, it would have helped me meet people who could recommend a good horse to purchase. But it also would have allowed me to learn GOOD habits from the beginning, instead of DEFENSIVE ones that I needed to UN-learn 3 years later.


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

arrowsaway said:


> Number one rule [for me anyway] when it comes to horses: You get what you pay for. It sounds like you're having a hard time finding a reliable mount, and in that case I'd turn my attention to farms that breed and train their horses. Especially if you're a trail rider. These animals are $3000 and up for a reason - because people take the time and effort to turn them into confidence building, gentle, and reliable animals. If I had the money, that's most certainly where I'd go to find myself a good horse. If you can afford it, I encourage you.


I agree with this. Our mares are all from a well established breeder/trainer/instructor horse family. We paid a little more (greenest was $2500) but haven't had to spend a penny on training for any of them.


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

Thank you for the encouragement. I have no urge to ever show. I could care less about how a horse looks. My Arabian, shadirr, was used as a trail for for children with disabilities. He has been very sweet until the lease horse left, not he is nuts. 
I have been being firm with him. I do lots of groundwork. I make him keep his distance, back up and stand, and asserting my dominance. Horseforum and my trainer have helped me a lot with learning how to do this.
As for the horses I've looked at, they were all checked out first by my trainer. I never got on a horse without seeing someone else ride first. My trainer though is a "flicka". She has taken me to see some gorgeous horses, in the hopes that I will buy them and she can work with them. I am trying to find a better trainer now because of this. 
It's just hard. I am told so many different methods, then criticized for trying them. My lesson instructor says I ride well and know when to push a horse and not let them get away with stuff. During my lessons she pretty much just stands there and watches me ride, with little instruction. I did my homework. The volunteering started months before I got the lease horse. I've looked at horses I was interested in at least 3 times before I made the decision to buy, and each time it didn't work out.


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

bnayc said:


> Thank you for the encouragement. I have no urge to ever show. I could care less about how a horse looks. My Arabian, shadirr, was used as a trail for for children with disabilities. He has been very sweet until the lease horse left, not he is nuts.
> I have been being firm with him. I do lots of groundwork. I make him keep his distance, back up and stand, and asserting my dominance. Horseforum and my trainer have helped me a lot with learning how to do this.
> As for the horses I've looked at, they were all checked out first by my trainer. I never got on a horse without seeing someone else ride first. My trainer though is a "flicka". She has taken me to see some gorgeous horses, in the hopes that I will buy them and she can work with them. I am trying to find a better trainer now because of this.
> It's just hard. I am told so many different methods, then criticized for trying them. My lesson instructor says I ride well and know when to push a horse and not let them get away with stuff. During my lessons she pretty much just stands there and watches me ride, with little instruction. I did my homework. The volunteering started months before I got the lease horse. I've looked at horses I was interested in at least 3 times before I made the decision to buy, and each time it didn't work out.


Sigh..you need a new trainer AND instructor. You pay these people good $$s and they need to work FOR you.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Yeah that sounds like you are being had by both instructor and trainer (or are they the same person?)

I'd advise you to find a new trainer.. as for your gelding does he live alone now? Horses don't do well alone as they are herd animals. He also sounds like he is far from relaxed and horses cannot learn or comprehend much when they are in that reactive state. 

Wish I was closer so I could help you out better. If you post about specifics we can help you out more so with your gelding if you're confused about something or need some support, though.




bnayc said:


> Thank you for the encouragement. I have no urge to ever show. I could care less about how a horse looks. My Arabian, shadirr, was used as a trail for for children with disabilities. He has been very sweet until the lease horse left, not he is nuts.
> I have been being firm with him. I do lots of groundwork. I make him keep his distance, back up and stand, and asserting my dominance. Horseforum and my trainer have helped me a lot with learning how to do this.
> As for the horses I've looked at, they were all checked out first by my trainer. I never got on a horse without seeing someone else ride first. My trainer though is a "flicka". She has taken me to see some gorgeous horses, in the hopes that I will buy them and she can work with them. I am trying to find a better trainer now because of this.
> It's just hard. I am told so many different methods, then criticized for trying them. My lesson instructor says I ride well and know when to push a horse and not let them get away with stuff. During my lessons she pretty much just stands there and watches me ride, with little instruction. I did my homework. The volunteering started months before I got the lease horse. I've looked at horses I was interested in at least 3 times before I made the decision to buy, and each time it didn't work out.


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## Zeke (Jun 27, 2010)

I'm going to "third" the motion that you need a new riding instructor. An instructor should come to each lesson with a new challenge (or a challenge from the past that may have been set aside) for you to try and should also be talking you through it. How, when and WHY are big parts of riding lessons that help the student to really grasp this sport. Being watched and told you look pretty good doesn't cut it. Everyone has something to improve on and an instructor should be able to see that and push it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mckellar (Apr 18, 2012)

You said you where happy mucking stalls and doing the barn stuff, ever think of getting a horse that is a pasture ordiment? Just a horse to love, brush maybe light work? There's options out there. If wanting to ride is a big thing then try for a different horse. If you are not 100% sure about the ride some horses will feel that ( Arabs for sure). Maybe a quarter horse or a quieter horse. If its adding more stress then step away for a minute with the owning of a horse. 

You sound very caring and wanting to be with horses and you have been felt a crappy hand. I hope it works out


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

My trainer and instructor are two different people. I got to the local rising stables for lessons.
And right now shadirr is in with a nubian goat. Right next to my pasture is my neighbors and she has 3 mares. They visit through the fence, but a lot of the time shadirr is off grazing in the opposite corner. At his last home he was the lowest man on the totem pole of 20 horses. My trainer said that me being dominant would help with him not having the other gelding to look to.
Since he has been alone I have been doing a lot of different things with him. Not only do we work and condition, but I try to mix things up. I've been walking him down our road, through different pastures and trails. I give him different toys to play with and have been doing some parelli. I try not to make everytime we interect work for him. He enjoys seeing new things, I just wished he would enjoy them with me on his back.
Shadirr had a back injury 4 years ago. His previous owners had vets, chiropractors, and even a horse maseuse out. Since I've had him I've had him checked out, thinking that maybe he was in pain. He cannot hold his canter on the ground and has a stiff back leg. But he can gallop for hours.and he's speedy too. He has been oked to be ridden at atleast a walk.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

While it works sometimes, I honestly believe that beginners shouldn't own horses. I don't know how much experience you have really had, but all these problems around you, to me, relate to a lack of experience. You're unsure how hard to push and when. 

I think you should go and get lessons for a while, get back into riding. 

Personally, I think it's very rare to get a good lease horse. Like you experienced, most require you to put in a lot of time and money to train a horse, and get him up to scratch, and then you may lose him. Also, few people lease out a really good horse and if they do they lease it to someone they know. Few people would lease such a horse to a beginner, I know even if I had a perfect beginner friendly horse, I wouldn't lease to a beginner because I don't trust them. So I'd be especially wary of leasers. 

I'd take a lot more lessons if I were you, really get into the horse scene and confident with horses. Then, when you are ready to buy again, you can buy a horse you already know from your local riding club or riding stables. The local horse scene will know this horse. 

Be very careful when you buy. If a horse won't let you mount with certain saddles don't get it. If a horse is very shy or timid don't get it. If it has any problems at all relating to riding and handling, then don't get it. If your trainer has led your through a fair few dodgy horses I'd reconsider if she's right for you. I don't know what your price range is, but some people are looking in too low of a price range for a nice, quiet horse. Often, you get what you pay for. And if you want a bargain then it's almost guaranteed it will need work of some sort.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

bnayc said:


> My trainer and instructor are two different people. I got to the local rising stables for lessons.
> And right now shadirr is in with a nubian goat. Right next to my pasture is my neighbors and she has 3 mares. They visit through the fence, but a lot of the time shadirr is off grazing in the opposite corner. At his last home he was the lowest man on the totem pole of 20 horses. *My trainer said that me being dominant would help with him not having the other gelding to look to.*


Hmmm not quite. I don't think he was looking to the other gelding either.. it was a friend. And he may have been low on the totem pole but he was in a herd, and that's really important to horses. 

Dominance is something I try to avoid. Yes you are the herd leader and the horse should follow you but you have to adapt to the horse's learning style. Some horses do really poorly with overly dominant people. Maybe that is why he is in that reactive state instead of nice and relaxed..

And this is not my criticizing you.. just really questioning your trainer..



bnayc said:


> Since he has been alone I have been doing a lot of different things with him. Not only do we work and condition, but I try to mix things up. I've been walking him down our road, through different pastures and trails. I give him different toys to play with and have been doing some parelli. I try not to make everytime we interect work for him. He enjoys seeing new things, I just wished he would enjoy them with me on his back.
> Shadirr had a back injury 4 years ago. His previous owners had vets, chiropractors, and even a horse maseuse out. Since I've had him I've had him checked out, thinking that maybe he was in pain. He cannot hold his canter on the ground and has a stiff back leg. But he can gallop for hours.and he's speedy too. He has been oked to be ridden at atleast a walk.


And you're sure he is broke? He sounds like he's okay with you on the ground for the most part. Since we aren't there to see it for ourselves. 

If he can't hold a canter then he probably isn't sound and probably in pain. Did you get any information from the vet about his back or? 

Does he run a lot with his goat friend or does he keep to himself?


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## Cmurray4175 (Apr 21, 2012)

Don't give up!! Everyone is giving great advice on the older horses... My lease is a 28yr old mare with lots of spunk left in her... In the beginning I learned grooming feeding and got more riding experience. She was the perfect beginner horse. And her owner is patient and amazing. This is your dream and it will be so rewarding when you finally find that horse that aims to please and has that connection with you. Plus even though you feel like you are hitting a wall every time, you are still learning lessons. You've just got a little bad luck, it'll pass. Don't give up!!! Even great horses can have a stubborn streak in them, just their personality. Sometimes it takes a couple years of training to get them where they need to be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

oh vair oh said:


> Sounds more like you haven't found the right partner yet. Don't lease crazy horses, don't buy shy horses, don't look at potential horses without your trainer present... Have your trainer buy you an old, broke horse with no problems. Not everyone is cut out to be a trainer right away... you need to find a horse that would essentially be a lesson horse for your home and learn from there. ): Don't get wrapped up in the "Black Beauty" and "Flicka" nonsense. Horsemanship is not as magical as it may seem... it's a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but you can help yourself by finding something dead broke.
> 
> Just my 2 cents from what I've read. ):


This. A million times over.

This. A million times over.

For every story of a new horse owners who buys some crazy unstarted horse and follows some majikal bonding method to create a horse that poops butterflies and lollipops, there are hundreds of trainwrecks like yours.

So don't think of this as a failure. Think of this as tuition.


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

I have proof from both a vet and chiropractor that everything is in place. The woman I got him from is a good friend. I have seen him with children on him. I know that he is broke.
When I got him he had been sitting for a few months. Ahem shadirr first came home I could mount him fine and take little walks. I was hesitant to push him harder in the winter as he was older and very over weight. He runs around with my goat. He likes to run with my dogs, and would gallop with the lease horse. Shadirr and the goat are always together. They graze and eat with no problems together. Also when shadirr lays down he let's the goat snuggle up to him
I agree that I should keep learning and looking for better instructors. But I am not giving up shadirr in the mean time. Maybe I had no right to enter into horse ownership as soon as I did, but I have grown attached to him.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Yet he can't physically canter? Could you take a video??



bnayc said:


> Maybe I had no right to enter into horse ownership as soon as I did, but I have grown attached to him.


No one said you should.. you've come a long way with him already  And hey, if people had to have a "right" to come into the horse world, it'd be a loooot smaller and probably have a handful of people since we are ALL human and we ALL make stupid mistakes no matter how experienced or wise or whatever we are


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

I can take a video tomorrow to better demonstrate. Shadirrs back right leg is a little stiff, so he can pick up a canter, but only hold it a few seconds. He tries to change leads but since he cannot do a flying lead change he fumbles and slows to a trot. I didn't notice it until I started working with him and a trainer.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

bnayc said:


> I can take a video tomorrow to better demonstrate. Shadirrs back right leg is a little stiff, so he can pick up a canter, but only hold it a few seconds. He tries to change leads but since he cannot do a flying lead change he fumbles and slows to a trot. I didn't notice it until I started working with him and a trainer.


Be sure to get a video of w/t and canter so we can see if anything is going on with him.


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## ohmyitschelle (Aug 23, 2008)

Firstly, I'm sorry that you've been through this ordeal and feel like the horse world isn't a place to be. This magical equine land has room for all kinds of folks - although we all have met some who shouldn't really own horses, in my opinion you don't sound like that. I like that you have put in the effort to educate yourself by your means. It shows you're willing and dedicated to owning a horse.

However it sounds like the people you have employed to help you aren't putting your best interests as well as your horse's first. If you are paying for their services, then you ought to be getting the help you require with your gelding and finding the appropriate mount for yourself whenever he/she may come along.

As you mentioned, you are attached to your gelding. And you said several times that he has only started playing up since the lease horse left. I have a mare who got incredibly lonely and eventually became depressed after I sold my gelding on. For a year - mainly due to financial reasons - she was alone though had sight of other horses. This wasn't enough for her and we just got her a friend... the change was immediate and she is back to her usual self. It sounds to me that he is playing up because he doesn't have an equine friend as close as he used to. You say he's a bit older, he's most probably come from a background where he was with other horses regularly and had an equine friend who would groom him and have fun with. Forgive me if I'm assuming here. Whilst you have the goat - and I adore goats they make great pasture friends and eat all the weeds you don't want in your paddocks - he's set in his ways. He probably wants another friend. 

In saying this, that doesn't condone his behaviour. If he doesn't want to be caught and ridden because he's decided that the herd has broken up and doesn't deem you as his herd leader anymore so he'll do as he pleases, you are going to need to assert yourself as herd leader again. No way would I listen to your neighbour, in my opinion you were right to push him around... like you said you weren't waving whips and hitting him, you were simply saying "you want to run and not be caught? then run! but don't you dare stop running until you want to be caught!" and that's a great method to assert yourself. My gelding (the one I sold on) used to go through issues of being caught... he has anxiety problems and would decide on days that life was the most scariest place to be and he wouldn't listen. It would then turn into a defiant game of "I'm bigger than you and I will do as I please to escape the scary halter thing" and I could be out there for up to an hour and a half dealing with his stupidity... the next day he could be caught immediately. The point you make when you decide to drive the horse on is to be out there until you do catch them... the only exception of leaving that field without him on the lead is if it gets dangerous for either you or the horse. 

I do agree with many above that you need someone to come and help you with your gelding and if you're focussed on keeping him whilst on the lookout for a more appropriate mount, get some professional assistance with rebuilding that ground work. 

Like many have said, don't give up. It sounds like your heart is in the right place, but people and bad experiences have led you down a path of self doubt - by the way, which you will present to your horse every time he does something defiant... and he thinks he's clever by picking up on this. I'm not saying he doesn't like you I hope you get what I mean... horses can be so clever and pick up on emotions that we aren't even aware of.

All the best!


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

I like the idea of lessons it sound like a good starting point and I agree that you simply haven't found the right horse yet and trust that horse is out there. It sounds like you need a good calm well broke horse.


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## fkonidaris (Jan 26, 2012)

Have patience and don't lose hope. The right horse will come along. I went through that when I went to look for my first horse. I'd call, get information, everything sounded great, I'd call back to schedule an appt to see and find out the horse was sold (in a matter of hours or next day). I was very frustrated! 

I got my mare and have had some very frustrating moments with her. She would rear, she was difficult to bridle, next to impossible to catch. My trainer and I have been working with her and it's paying off. I fight through the frustration knowing it will all pay off in the end! 

Hang in there!!! The right horse will come along and it will be a match made in heaven!


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## KarrotKreek (Mar 31, 2012)

It's not wrong to be emotionally attached to your horse. But when you and that horse are not a match and it's unsafe you need to start thinking and tune down the feeling. All the cute things you've described show me that your horse and goat are a match made in heaven... Unfortunately the same cant be said for the horse being your match.

You should not be getting bucked off when trying sale horses. This raised a flag to me. 1) You are aspirational in the type of horse you want to buy. 2) the owners should always demo the horse first. If it remotely doesn't match your needs then you should save everyone some hassle and call it quits before hopping on. 3) Someone experienced should be with you on these try outs. Preferably a trainer, but someone who at least understands your strengths and weaknesses as a rider. They ride after owners demo and judge if horse is fit for you. You have to trust them if they say you should pass.

I HATE horse shopping. It's an emotional roller coaster and full of frustration. However I love horse looking... it's so much simpler to not be in the market to buy. Purchasing a horse is not an easy experience. I had dreams of what buying my first horse would be like... and then reality set in. It wasn't the beautiful experience I had hoped for, so I can understand your disappointment.

Find a trainer to take lessons with consistently. Don't feel rushed to buy a horse. Let the trainer help you purchase your next horse. Whatever fees they charge it will cost you less than the wrong horse would. And don't turn down the right horse because of breed or looks. I promise that the riders who have the gorgeous show horses will be envious some day of your perfectly calm no hassle school master... While they are stressing during their every ride.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

bnayc said:


> I've been taking lessons, learning and working with a trainer.
> Maybe I'm just not cut out for horse ownership. No matter what I try, I have someone standing over my shoulder saying I'm doing it all wrong. Theres no enjoyment in this anymore. I've lost faith that I will ever find what I'm looking for.
> Thanks for listening. Any advice would be appreciated.


I have a student that is similiar. She's tried 4 horses and has had conflicts with each one. I see her (student) as a perfectionist. Straight A student, varisity hockey, etc . Nothing wrong with trying to be perfect but animals are not text books. She needs to relax and realize it's a learning process and not necessarily right or wrong - just different at times. I would hazard a guess that you need to take a step back and relax. Find a horse mentor that will befriend you and stand by your side to help you through the process of developing a relationship with a horse.

It will be ok!


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## AndreaSctlnd (Jan 17, 2012)

I think you have gotten some great advice. Please look around for some other people to work with you. I board at a wonderful place and the owner there is always helping me out. Giving me encouriging words or even telling me when I am doing something wrong. It sounds like you need someone like that. Someone who only has the best in mind for you. Keep working with your boy. Sounds like he really enjoys his time with you. Don't give up on him.


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## furbabymum (Dec 28, 2011)

I've felt a bit down about my own first horse ownership experience and it's not even that bad. lol My horse is just barn sour as heck! Otherwise he's a pleasure to be around and has never offered to get me off. I'm appreciating him a lot more since reading this.

One thing you could look into and I wish I had looked into is a retired police horse. Those horses are so used to crazy things. They're more expensive than I wanted to spend but I wish I had purchased them. Good horses!


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## Wallee (Mar 7, 2012)

I hate that all this bad luck with horses has come your way. But keep your head up you have just ran into bad people who lie and mislead you for their own personal gain ($). There are people like this everywhere and they are annoying I know! If you were closer to me I have a good horse you could learn off of and I would lease her to you for free just to get you back into riding and feeling better!


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Stick with a good trainer who has a lesson program that can progress you through several different horses before you try to lease or buy a horse. That can take years depending on how quickly you build your skills and confidence but it will prepare you to be able to handle your horse. Once you decide to buy a horse, have that trainer go out and find you some prospects to try (after SHE has tried them and has determined that they are safe for you). Once you find the one, keep it at her barn and in her training program while you learn how to handle and ride the horse. That might take a few more years but you will be happy with your horse and your abilities to ride, care for and handle the horse. 

I find that most people who are unhappy in their journey to horse ownership have pretty much all done the same things. 

1/They're in a hurry and buy the wrong horse, over and over.

2/They don't buy a horse with suitable training for THEIR level of horse knowlege. As a beginner you don't need a bucker, rearer, biter or shy horse. You need one who is Been There, Done That, has the Tshirt and is very proud of his/her abilities to care for a beginner.

3/They don't do a vet check

4/They try to buy cheap. If a horse is cheap there's a reason, you cannot buy a good schoolmaster horse who will keep you safe no matter how stupid a thing you do for cheap, that horse is worth his weight in gold.

5/They don't have a TRUE professional evaluate the horse they want to buy to make sure they'll be happy. 

Think of the cost of lessons, training and buying a good solid horse as life insurance. If you don't value your life above a $500 horse, then you don't think enough of yourself. Pull the reins in and slow down on the purchase of the horse until you can find just the right one and pay what it is worth. If it keeps you whole and not brain scrambled, it's worth every penny.


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## Daisy25 (May 29, 2011)

OP--

I think there is nothing wrong with taking a little step away (for now).

Maybe think about what you envisioned when you pictured owning a horse? Was it miles and miles of trail-riding? Was it sailing over fences? Was it just being out in the barn?

And then ask yourself if the horses you leased / purchased were suited to that purpose? 

My guess is that they were not...and so you did not have a good "fit" from the very beginning...and in the end you are frustrated and unhappy.

So - take a breather. Take a break - get refreshed - do some thinking.

Whenever you are ready - you can come back to horses with more of a goal in mind. And once you know your goal....it should be easier to find the correct people and horses to work with.

Good luck!


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## ThirteenAcres (Apr 27, 2012)

Your post absolutely broke my heart! Please don't give up. You have definitely had some awful experiences, but there is so much joy to be had in finding the right horse for you and building that partnership. Unfortunately, I think you've encountered what all of us have sometime in our past. People who think they have all the answers to horses are always going to try and give you answers and make you feel like you know nothing. 

I agree that you need to find a horse that is proven to be the been-there done-that type. 

It also sounds like you could use an encouraging support system. If you ever want to talk or vent, please message me! I'd be glad to give you some encouraging words and whatever advice I may have based on my own personal experiences. =)


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## DressageDreamer (Feb 29, 2012)

OP...I sure wish you lived near me. I would let you ride my QH mare, Greycie. She is a great beginners horse that I bought when I got back into riding horses after a 10 -12 year break. She has taken very good care of me and now I have graduated on to more challenging horses. I gave her to my 10 yr old son to learn on. 

Please don't give up. You will find a horse that meets your needs as long as you are patient and do as the others have suggested. Don't let your heart lead you, or a pretty face. Have a trainer go with you or pick one out for you. My trainer prevented me from buying a train wreck horse that had neurological issues that were not disclosed to me. She saw what I couldn't because I wanted a Dutch so badly and she was so sweet. It was subtle issues that an amateur wouldn't pick up, but she noticed, made some phone calls and found out the horse had a history of severe issues. Listen to your instructor.


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

I have been looking for a new trainer since this post. Unfortunately around here it is all professional training facilities. Nobody in me area wants to train a pleasure/trail horse. I am going to have to pay an ARM and a leg to get someone to come out. And so far every place I contacted won't send someone out. So the search still continues.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

bnayc said:


> I have been looking for a new trainer since this post. Unfortunately around here it is all professional training facilities. Nobody in me area wants to train a pleasure/trail horse. I am going to have to pay an ARM and a leg to get someone to come out. And so far every place I contacted won't send someone out. So the search still continues.


 
I would stay with the professional facilities, what you learn there you can apply later to your trail horse. The best trained trail horse I ever had was the same horse my little sister rode to several hunter championships as a junior rider. The horse absolutely never put a foot wrong and I KNEW without question that he could turn on a dime, stop on a nickle and give change and would NEVER hurt me. She and I had that horse 30 years, were offered BIG bucks for him and would not sell. He was worth his weight in gold. We kept him in training with a professional hunter/jumper trainer who also had a dressage trainer on the grounds so he got some dressage training too. We both learned to ride him properly and thus, whenever we ride out on trail, we have no worries about what we do or don't know how to do. Neither of us shows anymore, and old Lucky passed last winter, but we still ride our younger, much greener horses with the confidence we learned while we were in training.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Agree with Dreamcatcher.

All riding has basics, and as you advance they become different in how they do things (they branch off into disciplines) but the basics are the same. I don't intend to show my horse I just want to ride him and have him all around comfortable with anything I throw at him. I decided to do Dressage since the basic levels are exactly what he needs to be able to do. With what I have learned, I am a much more confident and able rider than before. Maybe you can find a really great professional English or Professional Western barn. They will all cover the basics and help you along with your horse. Then you could do anything from trails to shows to dipping into other disciplines as well. And you'd feel a lot more comfortable with your boy or riding/handling in general.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I have helped others buy their first horse. I attend while the horse is ridden at the owners and will school the rider. This gives me a chance to check for soundness, temperment, rider skill, training. Buyer and I will have a discussion and if it looks like the horse might be workable, the rider returns for a second ride, taking the horse off property a short distance to see if it's barn sour. If it's overall pretty good, the rider buys the horse after a vet check, and I continue to work with the rider with maybe half a dozen lessons to start then maybe once monthly. So far this has worked very well and riders have been happy.


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## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

I've found this word of wisdom to be helpful:

Frustration begins when you run out of savvy.

If you can see that it's true, that all you need is to gain more skill, the "frustration factor" ceases to be such a dreaded monster.


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## Back2Horseback (Mar 21, 2012)

Daisy25 said:


> OP--
> 
> I think there is nothing wrong with taking a little step away (for now).
> 
> ...


I agree with EVERYTHING that Daisy (above) says, 100%, except I don't feel it would be wise to take TOO MUCH of a breather...don't do so, simply because I sense you are so down about this situation, understandably, that I would be afraid you would decide to seriously call it quits. IMO, the horse world NEEDS MORE GOOD, INTELLIGENT, WELL-READ and researched people involved in it. You have all these things PLUS, you have a good heart, probably why this whole situation has taken such a toll on you!

The reason I agree so much with Daisy is that she points out one of the fundamental things of importance here; To decide, and then look CLOSELY AT, what YOUR SPECIFIC GOALS ARE for yourself AND your place in the horse-world!

I believe that until you are completely clear in your own head and heart re: what you wish to accomplish personally and with/on any horse you may own/lease/ride in lessons, you will be somewhat ambivalent and easily discouraged in a "sport/lifestyle/what-have-you which tends to break down (on the tougher days) those folks with even the steelyest goals in mind! 

I am very, very similar to you in terms of my personal "process" leading up to retuning to the horse world after a 15 year absence. I feel that prep-time has been SO VALUABLE. I literally cried like a baby and acted a total fool blubbering to my husband after a particularly nasty woman "put me in my place" & told me how she would "NEVER WASTE HER TIME ON INTRODUCING ME around her barn to be a potential volunteer, because" (get this), "you may THINK YOU ARE FIT AND HEALTHY, but mucking stalls and grooming horses and cleaning tack is HARD AND EXHAUSTING WORK, and some woman of 38 who is in good shape, in HER OPINION, would never be able to keep up with the physical demands of working a stable, not that you even know WHAT IT INVOLVES until you've DONE IT!"

I proceeded to tell her that before college, I apprenticed for Al-Marah Arabians, which happens to be a Fortune 500 breeding, showing/sale farm, and was assigned, from 5am to 7 pm, 6d/week, FULL CARE of 19 of their most expensive sale horses. I mucked EVERY STALL TWICE DAILY, fed and watered all 19 horses three times daily, including pulling bales off the top of a 40ft pile and hauling them into a wheelbarrow and flaking hay for every one of those horses, not to mention adding their other foodstuffs and supplements and getting it all correct every time (I was TERRIFIED OF MY BOSS!!). Between all this, I lunged, turned out, or rode all of the 19 horses AFTER GROOMING EACH ONE PERFECTLY, in case a prospective buyer was to happen by! 6 days per week I did this. I KNOW WHAT HARD WORK WITH HORSES CAN BE! :0)

At this point, little miss, "my barn and I are too good for you", QUICKLY changed her tune, and realized clearly what sort of "volunteer" she had just turned down before even bothering to ask me any questions! She realized that she could have probably given herself a weekly mini-vaca had she not been so quick to be snooty and uppity with me. I am still capable of doing all I did for Al-Marah 19 years ago, (aside from the riding, obviously, but that wasn't even what I was looking for from her barn!)...by the end of the call, she was inviting me to just come, "hang out, see if you like it here, and maybe you'd still like to volunteer..."

So why was I crying? She had made me feel SO WORTHLESS, SO DEFEATED, when she initially shot me down, that I realized I had better REALLY KNOW WHAT MY GOALS WERE, nothing vague, but a true short/long-term, 1-10 kind of list with timelines, money expenditures possible, and who and what I would, and would NOT, put up with.

That has helped me lots. I am now just barely starting back with lessons, taking things VERY SLOWLY, despite my desire to take EVERYTHING ON at once, I realize I won't do well under those circumstances. I would be a WRECK if I had to worry about finding a great horse for me at this stage, because I have no idea who "I" will be as a horseperson when I get to the point to be ready to utilize said horse in the discipline I "think" @ this point ONLY, that I will want to do (endurance).

I hate to say this, and mean no disrespect WHATSOEVER to my current awesome trainer OR HER wonderful horses, but, I don't want to make all of my novice, back to riding mistakes (which I will definitely make on ANY HORSE which I ride NOW) on my OWN horse, whom I will NEED to TRUST ME as his/her leader. 

When I am ready emotionally and skill-wise to lease or buy, I want whatever horse I end up with to feel confidence, love, happiness, and knowledge radiating through me to her/him. I that that will save both me and said horse lots of back-tracking in our training together, you know?

OP, I am sorry and realize I rambled a lot here. I didn't set out to make this a post about me. I set out to say to you that:
A) goals are the way to go,

that B) all of us get insecure and emotional, and in my case, it was over some beeotchy BO who didn't take me seriously and made me feel small and unworthy for fun, I think!

& finally, C) you are ON YOUR WAY...you have come so FAR toward your dreams and put a TON of effort in. please, please don't chuck it all and give up! It will get BETTER! 

That's all, I am finally done blabbing (hallelujah!)...hang in there and keep us all posted, ok? Many supportive hugs! 
~ Tammy ~


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## horsecrazy84 (Mar 20, 2011)

Don't give up, it sounds like you just need to find the right horse for you and a good instructor. There is nothing wrong with having a trainer work your horse either but if the trainer isn't showing you how to get the horse to do anything it's really not helping you. If you have any experienced horse friends that can teach you that would be great, but it is so important that you also know the cues the trainer uses,etc. The horse might know exactly what to do but if you don't ask right he won't  An experienced horse friend can also help you a lot when it comes to buying a horse. They will know more about which type of horses to avoid, what questions to ask the owner,etc. Do not get discouraged if you have people telling you you are doing it wrong. Everybody does things their own way. Do what feels right to you. You will make mistakes, lots of times, and that's ok. We have all had those crazy horses that were just not right for us and if you get a horse you can't handle and training and lessons do not help there is no shame in selling that horse. You need an older, been there done that, plod along quietly type of horses so you can learn and build your confidence up.


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

Well today i took shadirr to a friends Kentucky Derby party. There were about 6 other horses there and riders of all disciplines. My friend introduced me to a woman who broke her horse. This girl is young, but also broke most of thee horses there. They are all barrel/speed horses. The woman was giving lessons to everyone while we were riding.
I asked her about shadirr. And she said he needs to lose a lot of weight before I think about riding him. She gave me a really good workout schedule, and said it won't be too much for shadirr. She said to stop graining him as he has lots of hay and grass. She was very informative and gave me pointers when I rode other horses.
She said to call her in about a month, and she will see how he is progressing. Also the host of the party, my friend, talked with the trainer and said she would give me riding lessons and help build my confidence. My friend has her younger barrel horse, and a very calm 23 y/o mare. My friend said she will work with me on the older horse, and eventually shadirr when he gets into better shape.
Here is a link to a photo of shadirr fresh after his bath yesterday. He is pretty tubby.
Facebook


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

bnayc said:


> Here is a link to a photo of shadirr fresh after his bath yesterday. He is pretty tubby.


Can't see the picture. Copy the link url to the pic? (Right click, copy image location) 

But that sounds like good progress!


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

Sorry I will get on my laptop and upload it.


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## AndreaSctlnd (Jan 17, 2012)

YAY!!!!!!

Sounds like you are on the right track!!! I am so happy and can't wait to see that chunky monkey of yours.


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## bnayc (Jan 3, 2012)

Hey guys I was able to upload some pictures on my profile. So if you go to my profile, then click on shadirr, you should me able to see him.
Also when I received him, shadirr had more belly that he does now. So let me know if you guys agree with what the new trainer said. Thank you


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## ohmyitschelle (Aug 23, 2008)

Awww! Isn't he just the cutest little thing?! Thanks for sharing the photos!


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