# Is this possible? Very timid rider owning a horse long term? Riding critique



## samc230

Hello everyone,

I have been riding since I was very small and I have always been terrifyingly scared of everything. My heart and soul belongs to horses--I'm just so scared. I have never been a good rider. After years and years of lessons, I was just never any good. A large reason for this was my lack of progression due to my fear of falling off, killing myself, etc. I rode English for a long time, never getting much higher than cross rails. I quit riding for a couple years because I was having anxiety attacks on the way to the lesson. I realized dreading riding wasn't "right" for me and took a break. About a year later I left English riding entirely to try my hand at barrel racing (a horrible choice for a very skittish rider).

After riding my friend's horses for about 6 months, I felt I had the appropriate funds and time to buy my own horse. This horse turned out to be a nutcase (see my past posts) and was a serial rearer that obviously took advantage of my scared nature. He was checked by vets, chiropractors, dentists, and farriers for any health/pain issues causing his disbehavior and there was nothing ear marking him for pain. It was obviously rider error causing the problems. I ended up selling him for a pretty penny and have sat on the cash since, both missing horses terribly but wondering if I will ever find the right horse that doesn't terrify me.

Is it possible for me to find a bomb-proof horse just to pleasure ride around on that I won't ruin? I've always had the opinion that every time in the saddle is a training experience for the horse and rider. I'm a terrible rider, and I feel like I ruined my last horse just by riding him. His problems escalated the longer I owned him and the more I rode him. Can you guys watch these videos and let me know what you think? Is there a horse out there that I can putt-putt around on, enjoy, and not be scared of "ruining"? I plan on taking lessons when I move to Florida next year before I buy another horse to get me back into the "swing" of things. However, suggesting lessons isn't the answer I'm looking for. I don't think any lessons will help me, I will always be skiddish on a horse--it's just the way I am. I want to know if I can ever own a horse and not ruin them. Will every single horse out there, no matter how beginner friendly, take advantage of me? If the responses are negative, I won't look into buying another horse and explore other options. 

These are some basic videos of me w/t/c on both my old barrel horse and a VERY nice horse I tried out but chickened out of buying for fear of "ruining" him.





 




 




(I know my diagnol is off in the trot video)

Thank you so much. I hope this wasn't tl;dr.


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## tinyliny

Sam,

First of all, you are so NOT a terrible rider. Are you kidding? you aren't perfect, but who is?
If you want a critique of your riding, I can give you some pointers. But the thing is you recognize a fundamental part of yourself , being timid, that you think will never change. And you want to have a horse that matches well with this fundamental part of your nature. I think this is very wise of you. 
And it sounds like you had to go through a bit of "hell" to get to this decision. I salute your courage.

I know this one aquiaintance how kind of inherited two horse that were WAYYYYY too much horse for her. She was very fearful of horses, but determined to learn to ride these hroses. She was fortunate to find herself a really good trainer , who works using natural horsemanship basic philosophy and techniques (ala Buch Branaman and Bill Dorrance).  My friend worked and worked and worked with this trainer. HOURS and HOURS of work. I dont lknow how she afforded it. I could not have done that. I would have sold those horses in a heartbeat. IN any case, anyone who knew her would not imagine her capable of riding them out on the trails, yet 2 years later, she is doing this.

It is because she found the right person who NEVER EVER belittled her for her fear and kept being ever confident that she could do it. and she did!

If you can find the right person to help you, and a good horse that is as reliable as a horse can be, (and they DO exist) you will have that place in your heart that longs to be happy with horses fulfilled.

AND, again, you are NOT a bad rider!!!!


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## samc230

Thank you so much for your reply. I was beginning to think this WAS a tl;dr post! 

I also appreciate your accepting views on my thoughts. I have been worried to admit until this point that I am flat out a chicken that will forever be a chicken. Thank you for understanding this, and embracing that part of my question. I am glad to hear other people have had similar feelings such as myself, and still managed to become a successful horse owner and rider.

Do you suggest shopping around for trainers once I get settled in my new state? Does expensive necessarily mean the best? I am willing to shell out some cash for this. I need and want horses in my life. What do I look for in horse ads that typically entails a very well behaved horse that will put up with me and help me versus taking advantage of me? Beginnier friendly? Kids horses? This is the search tactic I used to find my last horse and that was indeed a nightmare. I am so pathetic that I won't e-mail anyone about a horse unless they give the horse a 1-2 on the 1-10 temperament scale. Horrible, isn't it? :lol: However, I do feel my horse's previous owner did not represent him properly to me and only compounded the issues after buying him. I also was looking into 18-20 year old horses, and my friend/"trainer" highly advised against that due to the little or no resale value after buying a horse of that age. Should I go for very elderly horses?

I would LOVE some feedback on my riding. Both good, and bad. Thank you for the kind words regarding my riding. I rode at a huge rodeo arena with my nutcase horse, and often felt scoffed at or laughed at. It became very disheartening.

Thank you for the response and any further help!


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## Arksly

Only being interested in a horse that is only a 1 or 2 isn't horrible at all! It's actually very sensible, you know that you need a calm horse and this way your heart won't pick one that's too much for you.

Getting an 'elderly' horse may be a good idea. I know quite a few horses at 25 that are still going strong. My first horse was a 17 year old Thoroughbred and took the best care of me. 

What discipline(s) are you interested in? Dressage? Trail Riding? Western Pleasure?

Dressage could help you with your riding. It helps you build a strong foundation so that in the case of an emergency, you know how to use your seat and keep your butt in the saddle.

Good luck with your horse search and keep your chin up!


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## Serendipitous

I'm a chronic worrier whenever I ride as well. I'm always thinking of the hundred ways my horse could spook, could fall down, could flip over. I guess it's instinctual, but the logical part of my brain has always rationalized this as: "If I'm aware of the dangers and prepared, then I may have time to save myself if something does happen, because I'll be quicker to react than the person off in la-la land." However, I've come to realize that it doesn't always work that way, and on the flip side of that coin, the tension you project could actually end up causing some of the problems you are so desperately trying to avoid by being hyper-aware. Most horses are incredibly sensitive to tension.

Just a suggestion, I know I always feel more confident whenever I wear a helmet. I relaxes me, and I don't think about falling off as quite such a big deal. Yes! Finding a horse that is suited to your personality as a rider is imperative. Just like couples in romantic relationships, some people bring out the worst in each other, and some bring out the best. It sounds like you need a been-there-done-that kinda horse. If they start to lapse into taking advantage of your timid nature, you can always get a trainer to give them some "tune-up" rides.


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## samc230

I think I'm going to go for 17-20 year old horses with a 1-2 temperament rating. I've always been attracted to previous lesson horses, but have been told in the past these horses have their own issues?

For a long time, I just want a horse to ride around on my property. Trail rides, w/t/c in an arena/roundpen, just a horse to love and keep confidently. If I ever became as confident as I wish to be, I'd be willing to try any type of discipline. I've ridden both English and Western events competitively. However, I see competing in anything such a far off thing for myself that any horses I'd look at purchasing in the next year will just be "pleasure" horses.


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## samc230

As for the helmet topic, Serendipitous, I feel the same. Having ridden English for years and years before turning western, I felt very odd and uncomfortable riding without a helmet. I quickly learned it is "taboo" to wear a helmet in western events. I know everyone will say "don't worry about what other people think" but it's very hard to do that when you're the one person out of a hundred wearing a helmet and being pointed out for doing so. I wore a helmet when I rode by myself. I kick myself for conforming like this :/


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## cakemom

Im no good at critique but I am a story teller. Just a year ago I was weekly taking a daughter to lessons who had fallen, been hurt, desperately loved horses but lived in fear. 
Along came Red (god bless you Denise, QOS, if you are readin this). Red loves people, loves to be ridden and to be fawned over, and takes care of that little girl. In that year a daughter who had crying jags getting into the saddle is cantering jump courses. The right horse is out there, and it's important to find it. It's possible though, and worth it. 
Good luck!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wheatermay

Yea, ur not a bad rider! U do pretty good! I cant even canter yet, lol..an Im riding a green broke 3yr old! LOL, but I just went to a horse show, and met a horse that was 35 yrs old! The vet had told the owners that he is in perfect health and hislegs were sound that they could still ride him.... REALLY AND HONESTLY!!! I didnt realize it was actually a pony....I thought it was a young horse! Feed them well, and they will go for awhile!


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## Serendipitous

Well, you're right, in english events, helmets are expected, so there's not a huge problem there. In western, they are frowned upon, although I think if you stick to "fun shows" you get a lot more variety in what people show up in, so there's less of an expectation of not wearing a helmet. Perhaps (for showing eventually if you decide to do western events) you could get one of those new cowboy hat/helmet combos. Like this: Cowboy Hat Helmet System by Troxel : The Horse Diary

As for relaxing while riding, I also find that concentrating on thinking about little things like putting my heels down, rolling my shoulders back, etc. helps keep my mind from worrying too much. Also, singing in my head, or out-loud if you're feeling _really _brave. Visualizations as well. I had a really enjoyable ride one time where I cantered up a large sloping hill. The sun was shining, and the trees were swaying gently, and the horse that I was riding (a normally a very high-strung uppity horse) was super quiet, but forward, and I just sat back and enjoyed the ride. I try to think about that if I find myself getting too worried or anxious about riding.


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## trailhorserider

I am one of the biggest chickens there is. I am afraid to drive a car and only do it if I absolutely have to. Every time I drive I picture myself doing something stupid and getting into a wreck. So I know about fear. 

But like you I love horses and want them in my life. They help me get over my fear. I've been riding for about 17 years now, and I am very comfortable on my horses, so I know you can do it too! The first year I had my very first horse, I didn't know if I was going to make it, but I did. And boy am I glad I stuck with it. 

It's kind of like learning to swim. Get comfortable in the kiddie pool before you jump off the diving board. Get a good older horse and who cares about the resale value? Any horse I have I always figure I will keep it until it dies anyway. 

An older horse may only be worth little or nothing money-wise but who cares? If he/she takes good care of you and you enjoy your time with him/her, that's worth it's weight in gold. I would try to get a sound, healthy older horse. But a good older horse is a GREAT way to get comfortable with horses. Just try to pick out something healthy, sound, and well mannered. 

All the "value" in the world means nothing if the horse isn't a horse you are comfortable and happy with. It only has to please YOU, not your friends and trainer. That's just my 2 cents worth.

PS. Good horses are out there. They may seem like they are far and few between because everyone wants to keep the good ones, but they do exist, and it is a buyer's market.


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## tinyliny

There is nothing like a discussion about fear to bring horse riders together. I think that we riders are mostly scared poopless half of the time we ride and yet we are doing it anyway. We oughta have our heads examined!

I think an older horse might be a good idea. They are so sweet and it brings out the maternal feelings for them when you think about the slightly special care they might need, like warming up a bit slowly at first, an extra blanket if it's really cold, a good massage from time to time and protection from bullies in the pasture. You get this sort of "I'll keep you safe" feeling toward an older horse. And they are so much wiser, if they have had a good life.

I think that after you have moved (I thought I read that you are moving?) I would seek out a trainer first. I think that you might look into learning about natural horsemanship. A lot of people who are timid on horseback do quite well on the ground with horses. Sometimes they are made fun of in that they do more ground work than ride, but if this is how they enjoy their horse, who's to critisize them. Horses are not solely there for us to RIDE. We can enjoy interacting with them and thus learn a great deal about who WE are.

I learned so much from the same lady that I mentioned in my earlier post. And working in a round pen and on the ground on a leadline has really improved my perceptiveness and empathy toward horses and how very, very sensitive they really are. As you work with them you can build a kind of ability to have a dialogue of "push and pull" with them. It is amazing how naturally they respond to this language and once you know how to use and read it, even a small amount, you feel more confident around them in general.

If you find a good trainer who perhaps uses natural horsemanship techiniques, I would take some lessons in ground work with her, using her horse at first and then ask her to help you find a good match for you. Watch her, watch other students, ask questions. Start anew.


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## AlexS

Oh SamC, your post broke my heart <hugs> I wish that you were closer to me and you could come and ride my horse with me. 

I'd like to address your former horse first. I am not a timid rider, I am far from perfect but I do have quite a bit of experience. Anyway, I bought a horse stupidly that must have been drugged. She vet checked fine, teeth, chiro, no problems yet she was also a chronic rearer and bucker. I restarted her from the ground up, nothing helped, she was just insane. My point is that there is no reason to assume that you ruined your former horse just because he/she vet checked ok, some horses just have issues. 

Ok on to other things. I do not see a terrible rider that will ruin a horse at all. I do see the emotions that you are describing though, you look tense, your whole body is stiff and frankly you do look scared. And actually that's quite a good thing, as you know what you are doing that you need to work on. 

It is totally possible to find perfectly safe horses, think of therapeutic riding schools for disabled people (I used to teach at one) and those horses have completely 'dead weights' flopping around on their backs, yanking at their mouths and they cope without being a problem. 

I would suggest to you that it is not so much about the age of the horse, or the breed but it is more about finding that horse with the right mind for you. You need a horse that you can trust, that will help you rebuild your confidence as while you feel the way you do, you are not allowing yourself to progress in your riding abilities. 

Do you have friends who ride who you trust? If so can you take them with you to see horses? Let the seller ride first, then your friend, then you if you feel you can. 

Senior horses are a great option, but they are not the only option, my 6 year old is as quiet as can be, and he is off the track. I would recommend seeing a lot of horses, and not making a rash decision and really feeling a connection with the horse before buying. 

Good luck, and please keep us posted.


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## tinyliny

Sam, I forgot to add my comments on your riding, since you posted three videos. I am not going back to look at them again, so I will go based on what I remember. 

Like Alex said, you did look a bit scared and stiff, but you were out there going, and going! The thing that I remember most was that when the hrose slowed down you ended up falling forward. So, this means that you are not supporting yourself with your core quite enough, and it goes hand in hand with being really stiff and locked in the pelvis area . One thought would be that when you are thinking that you are about to ask for a downward transition, YOU make the tranistion first with your body, so you are already there when the horse slows down to join you.

So, you really sit up , think "trot" and kind of postion your body and move it as if the horse were already trotting. He will change his gait to match yours and you'll be ready, instead of the other way around; he stops cantering and you keep going and have to slump forward to slow down to mathch him.

Does this make any sense?


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## ItzKayley

Subbing to reply later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wheatermay

My trainer likes to pick on me to get me to relax while I was beginning a trot. I was so scared to trot, but she kept saying she was going to whip her on the butt, lol... and then after she had me laughing and saying "no, no no!" she lead her around at a trot. We r trotting (only a little, b/c she hurt her foot), so Im waiting for that to heal right now. I think you need someone who is going to joke with you and have fun, not constantly telling you to fiz something ur doing. B/c ur not bad. U just need to relax and get confidence!


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## ItzKayley

Wow, after watching the videos, I have decided you are very harsh on yourself. D;
I also have a timid problem. Once I find something my horse is scared of, I never go near it. Once I fall off due to something, I don't do it again. To be honest, I have only cantered once which was on a school pony. You think your the bad rider?


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## Speed Racer

I agree completely with Alex.

Find the horse that is right for YOU, and it'll all fall into place. A good trainer who understands your fear issues will also be a great help.

I used to be a fearless rider. I'd get on anything that had 4 legs and whinnied, regardless of their bucks, bolts, spooks, or other shenanigans. I was the one people wanted to ride their crazy horses first, because nothing scared me.

Fast forward about 25 years, and I'm no longer that young, lithe rider. I'd had at least one bad riding wreck that left me with arthritis in my pelvic region, and I can't lift my left leg high enough to get on a horse from the ground anymore. Mounting blocks became my friend. I wasn't exactly afraid to ride, but I wasn't willing to get on the crazies anymore.

Two things happened in the same year that turned me into a quivering mess afraid to ride. First, I had a very bad wreck involving a bucking horse. Broke 3 ribs on my left side, broke my right collarbone, and got a very bad concussion which caused me to have a retinal tear in my left eye. Second, I lost my heart horse of 21 years. He was always my 'go to' guy when I was hurt or scared, and a few rides on him would give me my confidence back. Without him I wasn't just afraid to ride, I was _terrified_.

I spent about 6 months avoiding the other riding horse I had, because he's not exactly an easy ride. Nice enough little guy, but he's a spookmeister and I needed a horse that wasn't going to bat an eye at anything.

I knew if I didn't get help I wasn't ever going to get back in the saddle again, and being a horsewoman, that was intolerable to me. I found a trainer to whom I explained the issues, and she assured me she'd get me back in the saddle. She said she would only push me if I needed it, and we'd go at my pace until I felt comfortable. She had some very calm, older lesson horses, and we'd start on them.

The first time I went for a lesson I thought I was going to puke or faint, but I_ did_ go. Oh, I thought about cancelling, but I didn't.

It took me literally 10 minutes to get up enough courage just to get in the saddle. I was shaking like a leaf and told the trainer, "I can't do this." She said, "Yes you can. The horse isn't going to do anything. Take your time, but you ARE going to get on that horse today."

Once I was in the saddle I surprisingly found out that it's not RIDING I was afraid of, it was mounting. I'd been bucked off while mounting, so my subconscious mind associated mounting with danger.

I'm not saying it's going to be easy and there will most likely be setbacks and days that you wonder why you're doing it, but if you're determined and find the right horse, you _will_ be comfortable in the saddle.

Even 3 years later I still have a faint frisson of fear when mounting, but once I'm on the horse and they're not acting like total idiots, I'm completely fine. I'm now riding the spookmeister, and he's turned into quite the nice little trail mount. He'll always be a little bit of a head case, but I'm not afraid of him now. 

Good luck. I know you can do it, because you have the most important things of all; your love for horses and a desire to overcome your fear.


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## trailhorserider

tinyliny said:


> I think that after you have moved (I thought I read that you are moving?) I would seek out a trainer first. I think that you might look into learning about natural horsemanship. A lot of people who are timid on horseback do quite well on the ground with horses. Sometimes they are made fun of in that they do more ground work than ride, but if this is how they enjoy their horse, who's to critisize them. Horses are not solely there for us to RIDE. We can enjoy interacting with them and thus learn a great deal about who WE are.


I personally suck at ground work. I'm a much better rider than a groundwork person. I didn't realize how bad I was at groundwork until I had a foal. I'm all thumbs. It's been a year from hell. :lol:

I've also only hired a trainer once, for a few hours, for groundwork lessons with the foal. I learned to ride, out on the trail no less, by trial and error and a few years riding rental horses, and I need a trainer for the groundwork. How weird is that!? I am still wishing I had more help with the groundwork. It's harder than it looks. I think riding might be easier!


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## netty83

I would just like to say you are not on your own with this feeling there are alot of us out there that are frightened, scared, anxious, apprehensive and all the other words that get your heart racing and make you sweaty! I know exactly how you feel as I am the exact same! Horses have been in my family since i can remember and as i child i mostly rode bareback. I had a break from horses through my teen years and early 20's returning at 25. I decided to buy myself a horse who i was guaranteed was quiet, safe and all the rest of the jargon that some people will use just to get a sale. To cut a long story short this horse totally intimidated me and shattered what little confidence I had and has left me very scared of horses. I got another horse and found it increasingly difficult to even mount never mind ride. I eventually sold her as i didn't think it was fair to leave her just in a field doing nothing. After months of looking for the total bombproof pony, kid safe, disabled rider friendly all the kind of horses that i was sure would help me regain my confidence I finally found my current mare who at the time we bought her was in foal. I found myself a NH instructor locally and sent myself to her for lessons on her horses this sometimes meant we sat for a full hour in the saddle with me crying i was that scared to move ( i should mention i'm not as scared doing groundwork as i am in the saddle) i worked for the full pregnancy with my mare getting to know her and just spending time with her. By the time she was rideable i already knew she would do everything she could to keep me safe and i am now riding her even though i am still screaming inside my head! I now realise that sometimes when you are nervous it doesn't mean you can't do the task you are trying to you can do it just as well as if you weren't nervous. I now am working with rehab horses along side my instructor with her continuing support and committment i am slowly and gradually finding myself dealing with more and more difficult horses and situations. I know this is a long story about myself but i just wanted you to hear another persons story who knows exactly what you are going through! There is your perfect horse out there and it may mean that you buy and sell a dozen horses to find him or her but you will. My opinion is to go for a confident horse who can when you feel nervous look after the pair of you. Good luck with your hunting and i would love to hear how you are getting on with your search x


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## ladybugsgirl

If I were you I would'nt buy a horse until youve taken care of the issues with fear. Horses read off our body language and if your scared its not going to make for a very fun ride.


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## Golden Horse

What a great thread, it is so nice to read about all the people here who have a horse addiction, but are also scared, nice because it means I am not alone.

I'm scared, scared of the what ifs and maybe's I've been through the standing on the mounting block trying to get enough courage to get on, in fact I regularly cycle back to that default setting

Having my own horses at home makes it easy for me, because if I get overwhelmed by fear of riding I can still ground work them, or just hang out and love on them, then I work may way up to riding again. Don't laugh but that sometimes means starting to wear my breeches around the house for a couple of days becuase that make me _feel_ like a rider.

As to will you ruin every horse, OF COURSE NOT, there are as others said some nice gentle souls out there who will be only to glad to look after you and will not take advantage of your nerves or any inexperience. 

Just to let you know though, I bought a child safe, well broke, Haflinger, her role was to get me though my nerves and to start to enjoy riding again. Turned out to be a feisty spooky little mare, who just scared me more:twisted:

Like you when I looked at horse ads I always looked for temp ratings of 1 or 2, so I still to this day don't know why I answered an ad in the local paper, for an Appy that was for experienced rider only, but I did, and I bought him , and Mr G has taken me from just riding around the farm, to competing in dressage and even doing some jumping. 

It is the luck of finding the right horse for you, the one that 'feels' right, I started smiling as soon as I sat on Mr G, he was just the right one.


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## Calmwaters

You don't look scared. You ride well and I wish I had a suggestion to help you but I just don't hopefully you can get over the fear and just have the joy. I would suggest that the next time you go to look at a horse ride it several times see if you can take it out on a trail not just in the ring and find a good trainer or someone with experiance to go with you like was suggested in the thread "Finding the right horse for you."


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## Raficca

After a couple of nasty falls I also got very scared but loved horses so much I could not totally give up riding. Did ground work for months before I got the courage to ride again. Still have not cantered yet but will get there. There are great horses out there. At the previous stables there was this horse named Whisky. He was the most amazing horse, when he had an inexperienced rider on him he was so gentle, calm, but if you put an experienced rider on he would change into this spirited horse that loved to gallop. 

At our current stables we also have this 20 year old, used for therapy treatment, he also is totally bombproof. So believe me they are out there just look hard and you will find the perfect horse for you. Bit of advice always take someone with to ride a horse if you feel that you don't want to get on a strange horse. There are people out there that will tell you anything to get a sale. A friend of mine bought a horse, advertised as bombproof, good for trails etc, 2 years down the line she still can't ride him because he is too much horse for her, she has also not been able too sell him because of his problem behaviour. She has now gotten somebody to ride him hoping that he will change into something she can handle. Rather wait to buy till you find the perfect horse.


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## mls

As so many have advised - a real down to earth person to encourage you in the day to day aspect of working with horses is the absolute best thing you can do.

I've had a couple of ugly falls and not so fun injuries and set backs. Scared? Sure. But more - I have respect for what can happen but I choose not to let it run my life. I have bills to pay, a husband to care for etc. Logically I know I can be hurt or worse going about my daily routine. Falling down the stairs, slipping in the tub, going to the post office . . . 

We need to live our lives the way we choose. If you can find someone to help you harness the fear and change it into a healthy respect, it will go a long way into shifting to the enjoyable side of riding a horse.

Best wishes!


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## Alwaysbehind

*waves hand in air. 

Me, I am a very scared and timid rider.


The right horse makes all the difference. Add a good trainer and you will be having fun before you know it.

Find a trainer that you trust and have them help you find a horse that you can learn to trust.


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## Wallaby

I used to be an "all the time" fearful rider. 
I'm still pretty fearful but now it's related to a few specific experiences (spooking, cantering any horse but my own, tripping, slipping on mud, etc).

For me, I found "that horse", the one that I can trust implicitly to take care of me. She's pretty crazy but she's only crazy enough to scare me. She basically seems to refuse to let me fall off. She does crazy stuff with the intention of scaring me into getting off on my own but if I stay on, she settles right down and starts doing her job. 
This mare of mine has been the best training experience for me. She's desensitized me enough to crazy behavior that I can get on another horse, have it start rearing/spinning/whatever, stay on, fix the situation, and not be scared in the least. 2 or more years ago (I got my mare 3 years ago) I probably would have literally peed myself experiencing that behavior.

I'm still pretty scared of cantering (had a few very scary experiences while cantering) but I'm finally comfortable enough to canter my mare on a regular basis, spooking, mud because slipping is really scary. I'm also pretty frightened of riding horses I don't know but that's more of a low-key fear, one that I can easily overcome with a little self talk.

But anyway, you are not alone and it's really good that you are coming to terms with your fear. You know what they say: true bravery isn't not being scared, it's being scared and doing it anyway. 
So, all those people that mock us for being scared or are "never scared"? They have no chance to practice bravery! Suckers! haha


And also, on the topic of an older horse having no resale value, my cray-cray mare, who is 26 but acts like a 2 year old (I don't suggest you get one of those), just had an offer of $1000 because she's so great for unsure people! Obviously I said no because I need her and because she's not nearly as good when I'm not around, but someone wanted to pay $1000 for a horse that has maybe 8 using years left. So, moral of this story- if you buy a horse that is aging well, keep him/her well and fit, and exercise caution in how hard you work said horse (older horses can get tired much faster, it's just something you have to plan into your rides), you could be looking at a companion for the next 15 years of your life or something that will have a resale value even at an older age. That's not the norm, but it happens! 

Another thing when you're checking out horses, try to see if you can ride/handle the prospective horse without the owner present, maybe after you've ridden him/her once or twice already. 
In the case of my mare, she's the deadest, most broke thing ever, when I'm, there. However, as soon as I leave, she gets hard to manage. It's because I am her dominant mare so she looks to me to see how she should behave. So, you want to make sure that any horse you are trying is really that good because they are that good and not because they are taking nonverbal cues from their owner.


Good luck!


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## amp23

If you were closer I'd tell you to come check out my guy! I may have to sell him soon 

Everyone on here has shared some great stories and advice. You just need to find the right horse for you, it will make all the difference.

Good luck with finding the perfect horse and trainer!


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## Courtney

I'm a scared rider too, and one of those that is much more confident on the ground. Hand me the lead of a spooky, badly mannered stud and tell me to lead him past a mare in heat, and I won't even bat an eye. Ask me to go into the stall of an aggressive horse and I won't hesitate. Give me 10 minutes with the horse and he'll respect me 10X more than he did when I first walked in. Bring over a slightly skittish horse and instruct me to mount up and I'll look at you like you're crazy. Send me off at a canter on a horse and I might have a panic attack. I had a bad fall from a cantering Quarter Horse and I've never worked past the fear. I'm not a rider, I enjoy it... but I enjoy being on the ground more. Some people are like that and I applaud your desire to work past your fear. I'm also very proud that you recognize your fear and have come to terms with it, and are looking for the very best horse for your personality.


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## NCRider

I'm new here, so I don't yet have a profile pic and I probably look very anonymous.  But I just wanted to say that you are not a bad rider at all and yes, you can certainly find the right horse for you. What I would NOT do is buy a horse from an unknown seller. Your best bet is to find a good lesson barn, in whatever discipline interests you most (I would suggest dressage, because you'll get excellent training for your seat, balance, and confidence) and then let the instructor guide you in purchasing a horse when the time is right. You might even be able to buy one of your favorite school horses right from the barn. Or the barn owners might know another student who's looking to upgrade and wants to sell Old Reliable.

As for the fear--well, you've seen how many riders here have admitted to feeling the same way. And this is an issue I constantly deal with myself. I have never been a super-confident rider, but I did all right until I had one fall and injury too many and then I lost my nerve. I quit riding for several years, and since starting back again, I've had good days and bad days. I am careful with myself. I try to ride confidence-building horses, and avoid high-spirited, difficult horses. I know my limits. 

Finally, please, please, please wear a helmet. A number of falls I've had have involved hitting my head, and the helmet saved my brains, and perhaps my life. Back before the new, shock-absorbing helmets were available, I wore a traditional English hard hat, which was not enough to save me from a concussion and an ambulance ride. Now I never mount a horse without wearing an approved helmet. Even very good, very confident riders have falls from time to time, sometimes in unexpected circumstances. You never want to be unprepared.


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## Hidalgo13

> What a great thread, it is so nice to read about all the people here who have a horse addiction, but are also scared, nice because it means I am not alone.
> 
> I'm scared, scared of the what ifs and maybe's I've been through the standing on the mounting block trying to get enough courage to get on, in fact I regularly cycle back to that default setting
> 
> ​


ditto that! I miss the age of when I was fearless. When I first started to ride at 13/14, gosh I couldn't wait for the end of the lesson when it was time to canter. NO matter how unbalanced I was I just wanted to feel the speed! NOw whenever X goes too fast, because I don't feel glued to my seat and in full control I get scared of falling or dying, lol. 

And recently I went through a phase where I was scared to ask for the canter. I was scared of falling. I never did fall, but thought my time was due and it was bound to happen soon.
BUt then I figured, X's movement is big, but I won't fall. Might be a tad wobbly but no matter how unstable I feel, when I watch myself in videos I look stable and safe. Made me realize it was really all in my head. 

Basically I ended up resetting my brain by brain washing myself. I told myself God protects me when I ride, and the horse's I ride won't ever buck, rear or try to throw me off. I might not have perfect control over the horse at the canter, but I have enough to not bulge into a fence or my trainer, so why worry? If I stop worrying about all the If's and what If;s, maybe I'll finally enjoy the canter.

SO now I feel positive and determined to canter super well tomorrow and not let useless fear of falling come over me. For goodness sakes, I'm 16! Not like I had arthritis and difficulties. 

I am sure you will find a perfect horse for you! They come in every size, temperament, character and color you could want.  Just a matter of taking the time to find the right one. Though if you want all 4 aspects you might search a while lol! 

And btw you're a very decent rider, I was expecting someone who was going to be slowly trot trotting here and there, or doing little slow canters. You looked pretty good up there.


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## Trista

Sam,

thank you for being honest, we all have a fear some just last longer then others. three things I can suggest before you even left one foot off the ground to mount i want you to close your eyes take a deep breath in and let it out. to other riders you may look like your checking your gear. if you heart is already racing before you are on top of the horse deep breathing will calm down the nerves and give you more focus. once you feel you are as calm as you can get mount up. again on top of the horse close your eyes and take a breath. a lot of the time it helps to you your other senses to get a feel for what is in the arena and how the horse is at a stance.

when you are walking, troting, cantering. I have the same problem. TOO MUCH THINKING. So i have found if I am consintrating so much on the horse, the potential of falling, or the unexpected my fear takes over. so deep breath and think of why you love horses soo much. picture riding free in a feel and feeling safe. of try thinking of an activity you like to do besides riding. what this does is stops you from over thinking about what is happening to you and around you. even though you make be thinking about cute shoes in a store, you will still hear your instructor, look ahead, and complete the commands given to you.

fearful riders are nothing new and very place I have rode the first thing they all say is REMEMBER to BREATHE. its for a reason. 

this might for remove the fear completely but it helps and i have to say to myself before every ride: "I will have a wonderful ride today, I will transition with success, I will feel brave, free, and happy. Riding is what I love to do and I will not let fear stop me from doing it." Its a bit wording but I find after I say it a weight will left off my shoulders and I feel happier.

the third recommendation. I would stick to western for now. I was a western rider that switch to english and I have more fear in a jumping saddle that doesn't lock me in the a horn on a roping saddle. western pleasure is all about enjoying yourself with your horse and is suppose to be comfortable and laid back. if you are going to work on fear do it in a saddle that keeps your lower body from moving so much

hope this helps and do look into older horses they love trails and are ok and patience with nervous cause they don't really want to do the extra work to freak you out. Good Luck


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## thesilverspear

I'm not a brave rider by any means and have, accordingly, avoided very high strung horses. I have always operated on the principle that every relationship can take only one high-strung, neurotic member, and that gets to be me. So I've only owned sane and sensible horses. It's a good principle to follow. Finding the right horse is paramount. I wish I had a pound for every disastrous nervous-rider-high-strung-horse pair I saw, where the rider was afraid to do anything with their horse. It would pay my livery for a year. 

Take a knowledgeable pal out with you horse-hunting. Most of the people I know who bought a hot horse when they shouldn't are usually quite green riders and there is the matter of you don't know what you don't know. Someone who really knows horses can generally work out a horse's temperament, whereas a novice hasn't a clue what to look for and buys something because it's pretty and seems all right on its home ground.


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## MajorSealstheDeal

Hey SamC, first off, I have to tell you, you are not a horrible rider! I saw a quiet seat, your heels were down, which are two important things to riding! 

I think we all have to deal with fear when we are riding, some of us handle it differently. I am not a fearless rider, but I understand that I have to be there for my horses, so I step up to the plate for them. 

Sometimes its best to put things into perspective. If your always scared on the trail, so will your horse. These creatures are very sensitive to our energy and our emotions, we are their leaders. 

The first step I think, would be to find a real steady eddy, like an older been there done it kinda horse, one that will allow you to build your confidence, and like TinyLiny said, a really good trainer who won't belittle you. The best coaches will be there for you every step of the way, and you will be able to trust them. Once you trust your horse and your coach, then I see no reason why you cannot be successful in horse riding and ownership!

One lesson I learned a long time ago, was that by always worrying I was going to wreck my horse, I ended up doing exactly what I didn't want to do. It took an old clinician to knock some sense into me, he said, "your so worried about wrecking him, and he needs you to step up and let him know you are there for him." That piece of advice changed my whole riding experience with my first horse. 

Good luck, you can do it!


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## ChingazMyBoy

Didn't have the time to read everyone else's replies - I apologize if I happen to repeat something that is already mentioned. 

First off - you are quite a nice rider! No one is ever perfected, specially with horse riding we all have our own faults. But you have a solid position and aren't cantering around on the horses face or having bad issues with your legs, therefore - I see no problems.

But I do think you may benefit from your own quite horse. That way you can learn to trust the horse from the ground up. A school master maybe? That knows what it is doing and won't suddenly get spooked at the imaginary giant werewolf going to eat it - Just clarifying, I'm not saying school masters don't refuse a jump or spook. But they are known to be 'safer' than a green OTTB.


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## Rowzy

I agree with what everybody else has said and I would like to add one thing. Personally, I am much more relaxed riding a smaller horse. My 13.2 arab mare is a bit crazy (never ending energy) but I am more comfortable riding her than the 17hh better trained warmblood that I ride in lessons. I know part of it is I know my own horse better but a large part of it is that the larger horse was further from the ground and had bigger movement. The first time I rode the lesson horse I was freaking out but its gotten better with time.

Also, it might take some time (and effort) to find the right horse and the right trainer but take it because it will be worth it in the end.


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## SorrelHorse

I do think you can find a perfect horse for you---All you need is a confidence builder.

I have one old-as-dirt mare that I've ridden forever. After I get done with my spooky hot youngsters and I've had a new flash of respect and anxiety injected into my mind, I go back to her and we just wal around for hours, bareback with a halter, like "Ahh....Finally."

I would suggest looking for an ad labelled "Kids horse"  That is what I do for every beginner rider. A Kids Horse is worth their weight in gold, safe, reliable, taes care of any rider. (Though do mae sure said ids horse is sound xD)

Not to say that you are a beginner, because you are NOT a bad rider by any means. By the description I practically expected you to be clinging to the horses neck! But you did beautifully, like I said....All you need is a confidence builder! And don't we all sometimes?


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## NordicJuniper

I didn't read all of the posts so I am not sure if I am repeating, sorry if I am. Just wanted to input my own experiences in the hope that they might help you.

I am much like you, have been riding for almost my whole life, many different horses but still timid as all get out. I can't get on a new horse, or horse I don't know without being terrified. I refused for the longest time to do anything, had to give up on lessons because my trainer refused to continue working with me [he wasn't a great trainer as it was and contributed to my issues by emotional and verbal things he did] but anyway. I gave up horses for half a year before realizing I couldn't just stop being around them. I wanted a horse that would work with me not against me much like what you are looking for.

It took me a little while of looking, and maybe I got lucky, but eventually I found my horse Junior. Mind you he wasn't mine for the first four years I knew him, his owner was kind enough to let me ride. I have never met a horse like him before. Despite my fear I felt oddly safe with him. The second day I rode him I went over my first ever jumps in the my life. Jumping was my dream but I was too scared to do it. I now own him and yes now he does test me and has some attitude but that is because he knows that I am not scared of him anymore, he knows I have more confidence. Some horses will test timid riders and some will take care of them. Junior is one of those horses that will babysit a timid rider and be a perfect gentleman, but if you know what you are doing and want to make him really work [aka jumping courses or anything of the nature not just putting around and having fun] then he will test you. But his testing is so mellow. The most he ever does is get grumpy, he has never reared, never bucked, never kicked. He just gets slow and lazy or tries to avoid doing things. 

My point to this long winded post [sorry ] is that yes there is a horse out there for you. It might take a while to find it, but there is a horse out there that won't try to take advantage of you. And trust me, you will know when you have met that special horse. I don't know how I knew but the first day I rode him I just knew he was the one. You will feel that connection. Just take it slow, try some horses out and give it time. If you have doubts about a horse then keep looking, don't settle for something that you aren't sure about. I believe you will find the perfect horse for you, if it is something you love don't give up on it :] If you ever wanna talk you can always message me, I will probably understand a lot of what you are or have gone through.

Best of luck!


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## ScharmLily

I don't have time for a long reply, but I think you are a good rider  Definitely NOT terrible!

There are many good, reliable horses out there. Like others said, an older horse would be great for you, and would probably love to just pal around with you and be loved on. Also, I think dressage would be a great discipline that you could try, and it wouldn't matter if you showed at all (I don't and I teach my horses dressage). It seems that there are a lot more mature dressage trainers that really work with their clients to overcome their difficulties than in many other disciplines. You would learn how to better influence how your horse moves, which would likely give you more confidence in the saddle. Also, you could have goals to work toward, but in a less stressful manner than say, running barrels at top speed or jumping a course of jumps. I have seen many timid riders have a lot of fun at dressage, as it is more their speed. 

Anyway, best of luck, I am rooting for you


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## bellagris

I haven't gone through and read everyones posts, but I can definitely say you are not a terrible rider. You can see you are a bit timid, but I don't think you are as terrified as your mind is letting you think you are because you are relaxed enough to use your seat (something I know from experience is really hard to do lol)

I think absolutely you can get a bomb proof horse you can learn on, and I also think you should have a trainer you trust, I know from experience that one of the most difficult things to do is to push your boundaries with a trainer you dont trust to push you too far for where you are comfortable. Have you tried counting, singing or anything else while riding?

My trick (because I lost my confidence last year) is when I am nervous, i either start a conversation with someone else i am riding with and we chat, or i start counting whatever is in front of me. If you are focused on going forwards and have a direct thought in your head there isnt as much room to be nervous. I think you already know if you are nervous your horse is nervous, but think about this...on the trails or in general, if your horse is nervous you make them work, make their mind work so they focus not on what scares them, but on what you are asking them...the same goes for you, if you are nervous make your mind work and focus on something else.


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## TwistedChick

There is so much good information in this threat ... bumping to subscribe.


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## arwen311

What a great thread, it's good to know so many people, even experienced riders, sometimes are afraid. I'm definitely more nervous about riding than when I was younger, but I can't let it stop me. I've never had my own horse, I just ride whenever i have the chance, but when I haven't been able to ride for a while, i feel like something is missing in my life. And then when I get up on a horse and its been awhile, I'm terribly nervous, and I know that makes the horse more nervous, but its hard to relax at first. But once I'm up on the horse, somehow I start to feel like everything is right, and this is where I'm supposed to be, and so happy that I'm able to ride this amazing creature. 
I think you can definitely find the right horse, one who's calm and maybe 'bomb-proof', and i think it helps once you get to know the horse and trust them, and they also start to trust you. Some horses are just too headstrong if you're not very assertive. Maybe a smaller horse is also the right choice, as it just seems a little less high up. Even if you get nervous when you start to ride, maybe try & focus, like some people were saying, breathe to relax yourself, focus on what you want to accomplish today, even if its just a lazy walk around the field, and remember why you're there in the first place, because you love horses so much your fear can't keep you away. Strangely, it also seems to help me a little when the horse does something like spook a little, or even bolt, and then after it, I realize I helped calm the horse down, or just that I stayed on and didn't lose my head, and I remind myself that I'm not such a bad rider. It seems like you're a natural rider, and just your fear or anxiety might be making you a little stiff. I'm sure you'll find the horse you're looking for!


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## Thoro

You should look for a 'confidence builder' type horse one thats been there done that. there are a some of them out there but the prices might be on the high side. after all not many people want to part with them.


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## kait18

oh this thread is awesome. it reminds me of my first horse. this sweet little qh no matter how scared i was he took me further than i thought. he was the best thing in the world. sadly he has passed after a long retirement. but those horses are out there just hard to find


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## RiddlesDarkAngel5

I had no idea there were so many others like me. I have always been a timid rider and it's held me back from reaching my full potential. I'd finally become pretty confident when my soul mate rocky died. He was the one horse that I trusted completely and after he was taken away from me =( I lost all my confidence. I went from jumping and being able to ride in any situation on him to barely being able to canter on a lesson horse. It's been over a year and I'm just starting to feel like my old self.
But I'll always be timid. Like you, it's just my nature. Thank you so much for sharing this. It makes us timid riders feel less alone


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