# oh, my friend...



## ozarkmama (Jun 20, 2009)

Wow, that's a lot of weight for someone so young. And the health risks are huge. She probably needs to have her thyroid checked and a visit to the gyn to see if she has PCOS which hinders weight loss. If you spend a lot of time with her, just be a good example; eat healthy and get some exercise together.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Tell her that you are scared by what the doctor said, say you don't want to lose a good friend. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her get fitter and healthier, you don't have to mention weight, but she will know that she is to heavy.

The thing about any change is that you can't make a person change, you can only help them when they start the process for themselves, so mention it, and then wait for her to ask you.

From there as Ozark says, just set a good example, and make it easy for her to make the right choices when she is with you. I hope her leg heals up soon.


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## ernie5567 (Apr 5, 2012)

Thank you for the advice. I do eat as well as i can around her. She has had her thyroids checked many many times. I really do think it is mostly from her eating a lot of food. When we hang out we eat out all the time. Lots of bacon cheese burgers, burritos,XL sodas, and fries are what she tends to get when we go out.


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## ernie5567 (Apr 5, 2012)

ok so here's what i just did,
I told her weight loss will help her recover faster and that when she is able to ride again it will be easier as her body will be more in tone. She took well to that so i made her an exercise plan and a list of some good foods to eat and bad foods to avoid. I am going to her house tomorrow with work out supplies, music, and a hopeful attitude! Any advice?


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## BarrelracingArabian (Mar 31, 2010)

Make your work outs into games you two can do together and just be there for her 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uflrh9y (Jun 29, 2012)

If she is 13 yo and 200 lbs I doubt it is an eating problem. What I mean by that is it is probably due to other issues where she is using food as a way to cover or deal with something else (and she might not even know what that is). I think you can be there for her, be a positive role model, try and do things with her that don't involve food, and be a good friend. Other then that, there is not much you can do. A 200 lb 13 yo is a huge sign that something is wrong and it's not just food. My heart truly goes out to her. But I doubt what she needs is someone else telling her she needs to lose weight. I promise you, she knows.  She is reminded every day of her weight and the last thing she needs is someone else pointing it out and focusing on it. Instead of saying "lets workout" how about "hey you want to come with me to walk the dog?" One is weight loss motivated the other has the same effect but doesn't come across as "let's do this cause you need exercise". KWIM?

I will say you are a very good person to be worried about your friend so. She is a lucky girl to have you.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

ernie5567 said:


> Thank you for the advice. I do eat as well as i can around her. She has had her thyroids checked many many times. I really do think it is mostly from her eating a lot of food. When we hang out we eat out all the time. Lots of bacon cheese burgers, burritos,XL sodas, and fries are what she tends to get when we go out.


Maybe you could try suggesting new places, Subway has a great range of choices that are better than burger and fries, but you need to ask her to do it as a favor to you, because you fancy a salad, or want to try something new.

Maybe you could try suggesting trying it, because you have and you were amazed how much better you felt eating better stuff.

Believe me, as a fat person I don't want people to be telling me to change my habits, but being a nice person I'm good at following a lead.

Oh and be prepared for ingratitude, DH went to the city yesterday and brought me home fruit, FRUIT, I would of killed for ice cream, or chocolate, but he brought me FRUIT!!!! Shows what a good and loving man he really is, and the fruit was nice, would have been better with ice cream *sigh*


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## ernie5567 (Apr 5, 2012)

thanks for the advice! I was headed to her house today and asked if she wanted me to pick her up something at subway, what did she want.... broccoli cheddar soup! so i guess that's better than a bacon cheese burger though. so anyways i'm just trying my hardest to help her. I really just want her to feel good about herself and for her to be able to do the things she loves! She even hates shopping because most teen store don't carry cute plus sized clothes!! That alone make me so so sad!!


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## heymckate (Nov 23, 2010)

I think you're a very good friend for being so concerned about this girl. I pray we may all be as lucky to have as good a friend as you!

Unless she brings it up, don't talk too much about her weight problem. Like you said, she's insecure about it, and it will do no good to chat about it. Just help her do something about it. And since she now knows for sure that you want to help her, don't feel bad if you suggest healthier activities. You two want to go out to eat? Do some research and find some restaurants (Subway is a great start) that have more healthy menu options so you can offer those suggestions. Go for lots of walks (which, having broken my leg before, was very beneficial once I got my cast off in getting my leg muscles back to working order). Find other good activities--riding (obviously) is great exercise. Other ideas: Rock/wall climbing, bike riding, frisbee in the park, hiking, skating, etc. Turn your friendship into an active friendship, not a sit-around-watching-movies-eating-chips friendship. It will be a lot of fun for both of you too!


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## ohmyitschelle (Aug 23, 2008)

I don't really have much more to add than what's above but can I just say, what an amazing friend you are! People like yourself are few and far between and I commend you for wanting to help your friend during this time. 

I know what it's like to break a leg - I shattered mine in 2009 and it took me nearly 8 months to walk again without aid. I packed on the weight during this period too - it was hard being away from my horses literally being unable to do anything for myself. Naturally I became depressed which looking back on it now, frustrates me because I ended up making things harder on myself. Thankfully I snapped out of it!

Is your friend getting physiotherapy? Keeping her leg moving is so vital so she doesn't lose muscle and tone. Unfortunately my doctor gave me conflicting advice and I followed his first advice and lost all use in my leg which is why it set me back so much. Physio - and lots of it in my case - is vital for aiding the strengthening of the weakened limb so she can get back to the things she enjoys. 

I second not making a big deal about her weight. It's difficult because you're so worried for her, but if you become too focussed on it, she may find your interest a negative thing. I hope you get me there. 

Have loads of fun, and like I said, I hope you're aware of just how lovely you are - most of my "friends" saw me as crippled and so avoided inviting me anywhere because I would "hold them back".


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