# My horse instructor



## Chappywillbehisname (Mar 1, 2018)

Hello!
I am an adult beginner rider. I just turned 31. I started lessons 1 month ago. Because I am completely new to all this I don't have comparisons of how most instructors/trainers are. My instructor is very direct, which is fine, but she talks to me as if I know what I am doing. On my second day she asked I go get my school horse from his stall and tack him up. She left before I could speak. I didn't even know where his stall was at. Thankfully a young girl who works there helped me out. Because of my job I only go 2x a week (Wed + Sun). So in between the days I tend to forget things. I finally learned how to tack up a horse until it comes to the bridle it goes downhill. I can see and hear her frustrations when instructing me to do something. She pulls things harshly out of my hands while telling me I need more dominance. While learning the famous posting/rising trot I commented " I must be frustrating the horse" and she looked at me and said "You're frustrating me" then she walked over to me and said "Just kidding". I guess bc she saw my face. She also loves to remind me how expensive her gear is. I once accidentally drop the reins, 1 time and then 2 times, and she told me "Seriously don't do that". But you see I am learning and I just get confuse! I am more careful now . At the end of the lessons she always says I am doing great and impressed even though she has been rolling her eyes (at times), I can hear her sighs, or she just talks to me in a way that shows annoyance and anger. More than once after a lesson she apologizes because she has been "cranky and tired" as I am her last student (due to my work schedule). I've only been there a month and while I get hyped up when I receive positive comments from her at the end of a lesson I always dread going back bc I just feel intimidated by her. She just seems to be all over the place and very energized, she talks fast too. Her teaching style, the only one I know, is difficult for me to understand. She uses a lot of metaphor and of course "horse instructor language" but half the time I don't even know what she is saying. I just translate it to youtube videos I have seen and say "Ahh that is what she means." But I know that is not very smart. My question, are most instructors the way I describe her?

English is my 2nd language guys, sorry if my writing is all confusing.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I had an instructor who was a little like that; running hot and cold. meaning, nice one minute, then critical and negative the next. She invariably created bad relations with everyone she worked with, including me, that resulted in her having to move her school horses from barn to barn. I stayed with her for almost two years because she taught me a LOT . I progressed nicely with her, and I liked how much she knew about horses.

But, evenutually, I realized that I dreaded my lessons, and came away upset, every time. Life is too short to put up with that, unless the teacher is VERY good, or She's the only one available.

When you said she roughly grabbed things out of your hand, that made my blood boil. I'd tell her NO, please do not do that, and if she did it again, I'd slap her hand. that is completely unprofessional behavior.
you being the last of the day is no excuse.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

You need a different instructor, one who understands that we all learn at our own pace, and we forget things.....

I LOVE MY INSTRUCTOR....


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

I can kind of understand cringing when you drop the reins, I would be thinking "No, no, no, don't step on them. And then I would give you reins that don't fall to the ground. As far as rolling the eyes and snatching things from you, that is just flat out rude. If she doesn't have the patients to teach beginners then she shouldn't do it. 

It is normal for beginners to get jumbled up and confused, there is a lot to think about at once. Like Tiny said, if she is a really, really good instructor except for the patients thing, then try to stick with it and not take things personally. If there are other good instructors around, try to find one that is more enjoyable to learn from.

The next time she comes up with the excuse of being tired for the reason she is being so rude. I would just say "Nah, I think that is just who you are". Give her something to think about.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

There's a ton of instructors in your area. Find one who likes working with beginners. Ditch this one.


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## ApuetsoT (Aug 22, 2014)

It might be that this instructor has some off brand sense of humour. I can see a lot of those remarks being said sarcastically or ironically. Horse professionals do tend to have a reputation of being socially weird...


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## horseluvr2524 (Sep 17, 2013)

I get frustrated with beginners. Which is why I never teach beginners, and really am not an instructor at all. At most I am a "barn friend" helping others when they ask for it. Some people have a gift for teaching, others do not. This person does not.

I agree with the others. Find a different instructor, one that will actually make riding fun for you! And it says your location is California, but English is your second language? Then you need someone who understands that it's your second language. I'm betting that could be part of the problem of why the two of you have communication problems. You need someone who will be patient and explain things in a way that makes sense to you.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

i LOVE working with beginners! love it. If I had a school horse, and money for insurance, I'd love to be a riding instructor only for beginners. afterall, one can only teach up to the level of their own competence. and that's modest, but stable, for me.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

Your scenario made me think hard about how many riding schools and instructors I've explored this the last year and a half. It works out 9 instructors over 4 schools that I have experienced more than once in the saddle. 

I had one that used to drop the F-bomb at teenage girls in their jump class and regularly scream at them for not getting correct leads or pacing their horse. She was the same with us adults too and she was quite young, early 20's. I felt like I was being taught by a premenstrual 12 year old with no manners. I opted out asap. 

One of them was VERY good but outright said she HATES, DETESTS, DESPISES IS REVOLTED BY teaching any learner that does know how anything up to and including BHS jump standards. But she was VERY good. Shame.

The only man instructor I had was in his 60's. He was a bit like Gordon Ramsey in his critique. Very posh, upper class man that held nothing back and somehow made an insult graceful and endearing (I never felt offended funnily enough). But actually very patient and thorough with explaining things. No rushing. 

A handful weren't really memorable. OK, not great, not bad. Nothing that I didn't know but needed to practice 100%. Nothing stood out but they did make me feel safe. I didn't like one that got BEGINNER riders in the FIRST EVER class to got them to do the rising/posting trot as most of them just balanced off the bit which I truly detest. Yes they'll learn it faster but at what expense, huh? No thanks.

The best two I've had are one at my regular school who is also the owner. They don't do livery so she owns EVERY horse, has worked with EVERY horse and knows them inside out. It makes her an absolute star in knowing who to pair with whom. She knows their best leads and limits. She more did hunting and dressage in her early days as far as I'm aware but boy she knows her stuff. She actually gets us to have a mid-arena break and will explain things like what "behind the vertical" means. You learn a lot more than about riding with her too.

The other best one is who I have recently started with with my own horse. I have never, ever felt safer in my life. She's just very matter of fact, enough to push you but understands when you can't perfect everything in one go. Blunt, but in a healthy way. Out of all of the trainers I've had and it might be because she does more private work, she is more horse orientated. She makes you not only learn how to ride but also how to train your horse and fix habits in the saddle that a normal schooly would get away with.


So that ends those experiences. Honestly, as a grown woman who is turning 29 I don't have time for passive aggressive sighs or the attitude of someone who maybe resents their job. You know, the kind that you know are exasperated with you and when facing away, roll their eyes and shrug at landing with such a client but need the dollar dollar? Yeah, my time and money is worth more. Bye. I never enjoyed or progress well with those instructors but I also will tell them to their face that I don't appreciate their attitude (in a polite, constructive way). I have been pleasantly surprised before when doing this as they didn't realise how they came across. I have, on two occasions, got angry with an instructor and dismounted and walked out of a lesson without a word. Untacked said horse and just left to never return. 

Good luck, you deserve to come away from every session that has been paced well, with patience, constructive feedback, praise and above all goal setting!


edit: oh and another instructor I forgot about. She's really nice but you can see that she cannot bear watching me mount or ride. I think I must look like a wrecking ball based off her cringeful expression lol. So that just makes me self-conscious. I know she wants what is best for the horse and you can almost see the "this horse deserves someone better" thought ticking over. Nice person, VERY good, but too tense for me.


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

Ultimately, relationships with riding instructors are still relationships with people. The power dynamic can feel weird sometimes -- and I found this especially when I went back to riding as an adult -- but it's still a person-to-person thing. And as such, you're going to get absolutely all kinds.

I think as kids we put up with snippy, controlling, domineering instructors more often because we're so used to being treated that way by the worst-tempered authority figures in our lives. And we also don't have the backbone or the experience to know when we're being put down in ways we don't deserve. In adulthood, as much as the instructor is still an authority figure, we can look at the dynamic a little differently. We are more aware of self-respect and our own boundaries. We're also aware that we are providing money in exchange for a professional service. We don't deserve to be treated as though lessons are a massive favour that the instructor is indulging us in at great inconvenience to themselves. If she thinks she doesn't have the time or energy to have you as a student and wants to take that out on you, that's her fault and her problem, not yours. You showed up with the money she requested, and a willingness to learn and cooperate. You deserve to be treated professionally and with respect.

Whether she is or is not a knowledgeable instructor who can do wonderful things at higher levels is currently irrelevant to you and your learning. You need a good foundation, and someone who thinks you can independently catch and tack up a horse, with no prior experience, on only your second lesson EVER, does not sound suited to give you that foundation.

Change stables. In my experience, if your gut is telling you that you might find a more suitable place that will make you happy, then go with that feeling. Don't stay and suffer.

After a summer, almost three years ago, with extremely disappointing instruction and poorly trained horses, I was losing sleep at nights worrying about how I could get out of there and find something better. So, I got online, looked up different barns in the area, and was lucky enough to find someone amazing at the very next place I tried, and she's been my coach ever since. She and her horses are a perfect fit for me. 

If it's not awesome, move on! You'll be glad you did.


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## sarahfromsc (Sep 22, 2013)

Some instructors are great riders but do not communicate well. If you are not enjoying yourself and the limited time you have with horses find a new coach. It should be fun!


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## horseluvr2524 (Sep 17, 2013)

tinyliny said:


> i LOVE working with beginners! love it. If I had a school horse, and money for insurance, I'd love to be a riding instructor only for beginners. afterall, one can only teach up to the level of their own competence. and that's modest, but stable, for me.


Off topic, but if I didn't live across the country I'd offer you use of my mare. She's awesome for beginners. I can train any horse with a decent temperament into being a very good beginner or intermediate horse. But me as a teacher for people? Eh, I'm not so good with words! I'm much better with horses that don't require words.

Back to regular discussion :cowboy:


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## mmshiro (May 3, 2017)

Expressing "frustration" towards a student is a deal breaker in an instructor. If you are frustrated with a student's progress, it behooves you as instructor to find a way to accelerate that progress - that's what the student pays you for. 

Tacking up a horse on Day 2? Without anyone looking over your shoulder?? I've been riding for three years, and I still don't dare taking a bridle apart completely for cleaning, and I mark the holes with a Sharpie before undoing them. On Day 2, I wouldn't have known which way was up, down, front, or back - let alone putting on a saddle so I don't end up sideways halfway through the ride.

I've had some interesting instructors - a Centered Riding instructor who infused a lot of Zen and biomechanics into the lesson, and a dressage instructor who got me exhausted every single lesson doing flatwork. I always felt like going back for more, and I think that's how you should feel like, too.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

horseluvr2524 said:


> Off topic, but if I didn't live across the country I'd offer you use of my mare. She's awesome for beginners. I can train any horse with a decent temperament into being a very good beginner or intermediate horse. But me as a teacher for people? Eh, I'm not so good with words! I'm much better with horses that don't require words.
> 
> Back to regular discussion :cowboy:


what a sweet offer! I am tickled. and, full of words . . no end of them . . they just keep bubbling up . . and getting in the way . . an d . . . 
(enough already!)


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## findinghappy (Feb 24, 2018)

I'm in the market so to speak for an instructor as well, so it's rather helpful reading what people have considered to be acceptable or not for the instructor behavior towards the students. I have enough issues without an instructor I'd be paying to be so exasperated at me. . .


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Indeed, there are many types of instructors out there. I've only had lessons with three different ones in my adult years (I also had horses in my youth and had an instructor then), but I have taken my 13 year old daughter to 6 different instructors in about 4 years. We've been with the same one for the last two, because she's the ONE. 

Is she always nice? NO. But she would never expect a beginner to tack up alone on day 2. That's just ridiculous, not to mention careless and irresponsible! You could have gotten hurt. My daughter's coach is tough, no doubt about it. I have seen many young riders in tears. Not so much from my daughter, but from other riders who were not focused enough, or ignoring her commands - they get absolutely scolded, and harshly! She is tough, but she's not unreasonable or snarky. My daughter is a far better rider than I, so when I took some lessons last winter, I just wasn't keeping enough contact with my horse. I grew up riding western, so it doesn't feel right to me to be in full contact. She broke it down for me as well as she could, but I still wasn't doing it right. She was undoubtedly frustrated, but didn't blow up at me. Instead, she actually ran beside my horse holding the bridle near the bit, asking me to hold the rein and pull tighter and tighter until I had enough contact, then she gradually let go, and the horse reached for the bit! Remember, she was jogging besides me the whole time. THAT is patience! I got it thanks to her methods. When a student doesn't understand something, she will explain it over and over, in different ways. She seems to have the answer to every problem/issue. 

But I have heard her yell at students, especially when she tells them to halt, and they don't halt right away. That is her biggest pet peeve. When she says halt, you better be stopped within 5 seconds or there will be hell to pay. But she explains that it is a safety issue - you NEED to be able to stop your horse quickly in an arena full of horses. 

In the end though, her methods are effective for about half her students. The other half just quit because it's too hard for them. But the way I see it, I'm not paying for my daughter to be told she's a great rider. There is ALWAYS something to fix. This coach finds something to improve in every single rider/horse, and something they are doing right. If you listen to her carefully, and really think critically about the lesson, you will learn more with her than any other coach. And you know what? The funniest thing is that as much as the coach comes down hard on her students, the dedicated ones actually look forward to their lessons. Like it becomes a challenge for them to please her. If they do something wrong, they will ask to do it again so they can show her they can get it right. A "good job" from her is like winning a first place ribbon at a show, LOL. 

So, in deciding whether this coach is a good match for you, I would ask you a simple question. Are you happy with your progress? Do you see improvement from lesson to lesson? If you dread going to lessons, you are not going to improve, but if you see improvement, it will hopefully be enough to motivate you to continue. If not, then find another coach. Sometimes people just have different styles of learning, and sometimes coaches can only teach with certain goals in mind. 

My daughter had one coach who stopped giving her lessons in the summer because she wasn't showing. That got frustrating pretty fast (especially given that we would just show up and my daughter's spot was taken by another student). Another who was just nuts, and also pushed us hard to lease a Friesan (my daughter was only 8, and the horse was way too big for her). Then there was the one who decided that on her second lesson with her, my daughter was ready to go over three jumps in a row even though she'd never done more than two with her very forward horse, and was in tears from the stress. When she told the coach she wasn't ready for 3, the coach cut her off and said "You don't get to decide, I do." She lost her stirrup over the third jump and nearly fell off. I stopped the lesson then and there, and we left. And the dressage coach who had had 8 concussions, and had some pretty strange ideas about, well, everything. The one who gave my daughter one lesson, then without telling me, passed her off to a 14 year old student for the rest, resulting in several falls which almost turned my then 7 year old daughter from riding. So you see, it's ok to move on. Be patient, and look for a coach that clicks with you.

You might even try out a different coach between lessons and not tell your current coach until you make a decision (she sounds like the type that might get upset).


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

Some instructors are just not great with beginners, they don't have the patience to take the time to explain things and take their time with a new rider. They may have a lot of knowledge to share and can work well with more experienced riders and that is where they need to be, not with beginning riders.

Find another instructor who is kinder and more forgiving and able to take the time you need, even going over the same stuff until you understand it and know the reason why you need to do it this way. For new riders I think it is important to understand why something is done a certain way, if you don't understand why it's difficult to remember it. An instructor like you have now can undermine your confidence in yourself and that is bad.
You haven't been riding for long and can't be expected to know what she expects of you.

As sarahfromsc said a good rider does not always make a good instructor, I have seen this many times over the years.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I'm with @*tinyliny* , I love teaching the beginners, whether adults or children. There's a concept called "task analysis," which is used widely in educating people with autism, that I find very useful with all beginners learning to ride or work with horses on the ground. The idea is that you, as the instructor, have to be adept at breaking down a skill into small, manageable parts- both the thinking behind how to achieve that small piece as well as the corresponding physical/kinesthetic action. All those little linked steps form a chain that leads to mastering the overall skill. 

I think sometimes good riders don't make good instructors because all these small subskills have become "muscle memory" for them and they truly don't even consider all the building block steps that go into something like posting the trot. Their body just does it. As an instructor, eventually your rider may build that muscle memory too, so you adjust your instruction to skip those building block steps and move on to the next challenging skill and its smaller steps. But to do that well, you need to understand the component parts and what it looks and feels like when someone does it right, as well as when someone does it wrong to help anticipate where they might get off track and what kind of feedback might help them try another way that works better. And- you need to be able to do all of this while being able to interact with a real human on a scary animal- some of whom need quiet, supportive patience and some who need direct, firm pushes. It's not an easy job! 

Maybe one small positive of what you described though- I think it's great that you're learning to groom and tack the horse right from the beginning. Many lesson barns don't really let the students touch the horses at all except when they're sitting in the saddle, and I think that's a real missed opportunity.

I agree with what others have said though- riding should be fun, this doesn't sound like it is. If you have the option, it would be good to make appointments at a few different barns just to sit in and watch a few lessons. I'd watch both individual and private lessons and see how the instructor treats the "talented" riders and the "less talented" riders. You'll learn a lot about the tone and approach just by watching.


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## Chappywillbehisname (Mar 1, 2018)

True, I sense that in her. It gets a little mean sometimes.


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## pennywise (Feb 1, 2016)

I constantly drop my reins/bridle in the dirt. And my saddle always seems to fall off the railing of the area .... lol. Whatever. Look, unless you're purposefully pulling on the leather to crack it or letting it sit in a puddle, the gear is not going to break from being dropped once in a while. if someone snapped at me for accidentally dropping a piece of tack, I'd pick it up and drop it again. For some horses the bridle is hard to get on and there are a lot of straps; you have to guide the bit into the mouth as you pull the crown piece over the ears. There was one time I was at my first instructors house and I was to ride a different horse but she didn't tell me which tack was his and just kind of left me....hahah I had to run down a hill where her riding paddock was and ask her. 

Riding instructors so far seem to be made of up very nice people and very cranky/analretentive people, but all of which want to know about your life, if there's an opportunity to talk about person things, it's social. You have to find a good fit because this is someone you're paying to teach you but you're also making a commitment to bringing this person into your life. One of my instructors ran her business out of her home and we inevitably became very close and would talk about things that you wouldn't normally talk about with any other kind of teacher. But they never have a right to make you feel intimidated or useless. I think most riding instructors are people who got very good at riding and then wanted to make a career, but they aren't teachers and some never are no matter how long they give lessons. Teaching isn't throwing information at someone's face and giving them a handful of times to understand it. You have to be willing to care about the approach this person needs and how you can present things to someone that doesn't understand it at all and not bash them when it doesn't click the first two, three, or ten times. You also can't forget that you're paying her, she's not offering this service for free pro-bono. You're supplying a portion of her living and it's not very nice of her to treat you in ways that make you feel unhappy because of her own short comings of teaching capabilities. It's not your fault that you're not picking up information fast enough for her. If it goes on any longer, I'd have a talk with her and then if that doesn't make a change, finding a new barn would be best.


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## beverleyy (Oct 26, 2011)

I didn't take the time to read other replies, so hopefully I'm not repeating others too much. I would find a new instructor. It doesn't sound like she's the right instructor for you, or for beginners in general. Actually, if she's so worried about her expensive equipment, she should stick to using it for herself and not for students at all.

Do you have any friends who ride as well and could recommend a good instructor? Or a local horse facebook group you could ask on? I hope you can find a suitable instructor that will work well for you


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

sarahfromsc said:


> Some instructors are great riders but do not communicate well. If you are not enjoying yourself and the limited time you have with horses find a new coach. It should be fun!


Kinda like some math teachers are great at math, suck at teaching it. 

Those same teachers always liked to show off how great they were at math while making you feel like a complete idiot for not being super great at math.

In my experience, one never truly learns anything with those types of 'teachers', no matter what they're teaching.

I wish OP the best in her search for a compatible teacher.


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## sarahfromsc (Sep 22, 2013)

AtokaGhosthorse said:


> Kinda like some math teachers are great at math, suck at teaching it.
> 
> Those same teachers always liked to show off how great they were at math while making you feel like a complete idiot for not being super great at math.
> 
> ...


Because of crap math teachers, I don’t do math to this day....decades later....sad, huh?


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

There are many very good instructors who think they are above teaching novices and I would say the one you are working with is one of them. 

Personally I don't care what standard I am teaching. They are paying me so it is up to me to give my best advice. With some you have to be form, others coax. 

I have the reputation of being tough and expecting or even demanding the rider tries their hardest but, I do like them to leave the arena with a smile on their face and feeling that they have progressed. 

When I was home one summer I brought my nieces ponies with me and had them at a riding school I had worked at. My ex pupils were all grown up with children of their own and they asked if I would give their children a lesson. 

Those poor children were nearly in tears before we started because parents had put the fear of my wrath into them! I had about eight of them in the arena, including my nieces and by the end the ponies and kids were all sweating but, as they led the ponies out the arena they were all asking if they could have another lesson the next day. 

That is what any instructor should aim for.


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## UnhappyHacker (Dec 30, 2017)

sorry if I'm repeating others but my first riding school was like that, I rode there for about 4 years and didn't really improve much... to ride you must have a relaxed frame and I would always be tense, my canter was all over the place, I would lean forward at halt... and these are all beginner mistakes and totally fine when you know their there and work on it but how do you relax when you have some one shouting and judging you, I was never going to improve in a school like that.
I stayed there for 3ish years because I grew so attached to the horses, but when I did eventually leave I was really glad, and my riding has improved so much in the 1 year its been since...
so if I were you I would leave, find another instructor or riding school (and learn to tack up) where you feel comfortable and most importantly enjoy it!
its amazing that a year ago a good ride for me was not having a panic attack from every one shouting and now I feel disappointed if I don't get critiqued, goes to show what a good trainer can do


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## AnneKendal (Apr 12, 2018)

I've had my fair share of instructors and while viewing my experiences in the rear view mirror all I can say is that it's only been a few that really made a huge difference for my riding during this whole time. So it's important to find an instructor that can talk the language you understand and that levels with you personality-wise, there must be mutual respect there. We've all been new to riding and if he/she can't come across in a way where you as a newbie understands and feel relaxed then it's a waste of time and they probably shouldn't work with learning new riders. For me, the best instructors have focused on letting me learn to listen to my horse early on and helped me learn how to communicate using just small indicators, and there's definitely no prestige there. Don't hang on to an instructor you don't feel comfortable with, there are plenty good ones out there. Good luck


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

My vote is also for a new instructor. Your English is excellent and not at all hard to understand. You're paying for 'dreading going back', how's that for getting your money's worth? Doesn't work for me at all, this is supposed to be fun and relaxing. Especially at the beginner level, the stress and pressure can wait until you're up to competing at high levels, otherwise it's just not necessary. 

She wouldn't rudely snatch something out of my hands more than once. Horse equipment, not just tack, IS expensive, there's no way around that. Good English reins can cost several hundred dollars, saddles - several thousand. Western reins, especially romals can cost thousands if they're hand plaited. I get that it probably does stress her out when you drop the reins. The correct answer to that situation is to buy a set of 'throw away' reins for your students to use in lessons. You're a beginner and not to be expected to remember every single little thing and you're going to drop reins, saddles, saddle pads, brushes, combs, buckets, you name it. It's not a big deal and she can buy cheap reins and save the good ones for personal use or show use only. That's what a lot of us do. My 'good' reins stay in a padded bag between shows and I have several sets of cheap, synthetic reins that I use daily. If one breaks it's no heartache. 

Look around for a barn that specializes in beginners and bringing them along.


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## Chappywillbehisname (Mar 1, 2018)

I left to another barn and have met more riders and nicer instructors. I do however miss my old lesson horses, they are old and I love them. I went to visit them a few Sundays ago and I was reminded once again why I left. The instructor is just so naturally mean... or weird. Even she admits to it, "You get me when I'm fresh: either too early or too late".


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