# What would you do?? *warning long post*



## Sharpie (May 24, 2009)

That sounds like a rough situation all around. How old are you? If you are a parent yourself, it sounds like you're plenty old enough to be running your own life rather than having your family run roughshod over you.

You may need to take a hard look at yourself, your life, and your finances. Can you afford to take care of this horse on your own? If so, it sounds like you need to move her somewhere else, where you can take care of her and ride her as you see fit. If it was me, I'd pay my mom off the money she thinks I owe her over time as I could afford to, just so she couldn't hold that over me any more.

If your mare is a healthy horse, at 16+ she should have no problems carrying your weight. If you cannot afford to take care of this horse, then selling her may well be your best option. I expect that no matter what you decide to do, it will be very dramatic and with much complaint from your family's side. Oh well. You'll have to learn to do what you know needs doing or continue on with the status quo...


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## FeatheredFeet (Jan 27, 2010)

Hmm! Nothing you have written, sounds good. 

You say you are a single mum and seeking work. Who is keeping you now? If you are on government assistance, then you shouldn't be owning a horse. If you have some kind of other income and are well able to take care of your home and child _and_ with money left over, then you should possibly find another yard, in which to stable your horse. Pay that which you owe to your mum and move.

You sound very young. Does the father of your child, help with finances? If not, make sure he does. Your writing suggests the need for more schooling. Sell the horse. Go back to school. Learn a trade. Later, when you have a paying career, you can easily purchase another horse. 

You say your horse jumps 6'. _Very_ unusual for the average horse. If indeed this is true, then you should be able to generate a quite good price for him.

I wish you well. Young, single mothers, have a very difficult time these days.

Lizzie


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

I'm sorry for your situation, but I have to agree with FeatheredFeet's post. You are a single mother and have a child to raise so selling the horse or if you can't part with her letting your sister take it would free you up from the expense and worry of owning her. 

You need to concentrate on supporting yourself and your child, and working on your future financial security. I don't mean to be harsh but you can't have it all sometimes. Work now to secure the future, and then worry about keeping a horse after you've provided for your child.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

OP-as difficult as it may seem, you have gotten good advice, and right now-the kid(s) are priority 1. I was not a single parent and still had to give up riding until they were a bit older....then I leased for abit. Reassess, reprioritze if necessary and do what you have to do to place family first.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

I dont mean to sound ungreatfull for all you advice ect but I think its a bit out of order some of the things said.

1. My daughter gets everything she needs and always does. She never goes with out what she needs and has all my time and love to. My daughter is NOT missing out on anything just because I have a horse.

2. There are MANY people in the world who dont work but have a horse. Me not working is not my choice and hence now my daughter is at full time school it is giving me more time to find a job to get back to work. Im not just some 'scum' on benifits who is not caring for her daughter cause i have a horse ect. 

3. Im 27 years old 

4. So yeh my daughter is loved and looked after and feed and watered and bathed and clean and all she should be, im not a bad mum and my horse is the same. Im not the kind to neglect either my daughter or my horse. 

What I am saying is that i dont just have a spare £300 sitting in my pocket to give my mum just so she gives me the permision to sell MY horse if thats what I decided to do, and I dont just intend to 'hand over' MY horse to my sister who dont pay for sod all her self, but with my mum not letting me sell her first then give her the money I apparently owe its making the situation difficault as I dont like the situation and I love my horse to bits but trying to do whats best for her but my mum is making that hard but not allowing me to sell her till she gets £300 or just hand my horse to them etc


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

No one is implying that you are "scum on benefits", simply that if you don't have the income to have the extra 300 pounds your mother seems to be holding your horse hostage for then perhaps you should reevaluate your priorities. Best of luck whatever you decide to do.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Hear what you say, and stand by what I said. Good luck.


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

If your mom is holding that money over your head, then I think you're best option is to sell the horse, use that money to pay your mom back and save for a horse all on your own, no strings attached. It sounds like if you keep this horse, there will always be something she will hold over your head making it more of a hassle than it is worth. Good luck!


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

OP, you asked in your thread title, "what would you do" and that is exactly what the people responding to you answered with - very kindly and politely I might add - so there is no reason to respond with venom. Seeing that you are not receptive to honest assessment of the situation I am not going to waste my breath.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Ask her straight out what she really wants and let her speak without interruption. Obviously she has a problem with your weight. Ask her why. I have a hunch this is just surface stuff and you need to get to the real issues. People often fight over money issues when it's not the real issue.


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## sillyhorses (Sep 2, 2011)

The bottom line here is: how much food/bedding/supplies does it take to maintain your horse at a healthy weight? How much does this cost monthly/weekly. Regardless of whether she "asked/told" you, your mother has an obligation to maintain the horse in good health while it is in her care. You agreed to contribute towards that care. So, looking at the cost of maintaining your horse, what do the above mentioned supplies cost? How much, exactly, have you been contributing? If you can't afford to pay what it takes to maintain your horse at a healthy weight and meeting its routine costs, then you need to find someone who can. It was clearly established that your mother expected you to maintain your horses needs financially, and you are falling short. The RESPONSIBLE and caring thing to do is find your horse a home, for both the horses benefit, and your mothers (it isn't okay to dump a horse on someone, not pay as agreed, and still expect to be the owner). Were the horse in your backyard, without money, or ENOUGH money contributed as needed, you'd have an unhealthy rack of bones. You are unjustly expecting your mom to cover your shortfalls. Perhaps there is more that you have not mentioned, but based on what you have already said, I think you owe it to your mother and the horse to find a home where paying its needs isn't such a burden.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sheepdog (Sep 25, 2011)

O/P sounds to me like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also sounds to me like your mom is not so subtly trying to force you to give your horse to your sister. If this was me I'd do this: 
1. Call a "family meeting" with your mother and perhpas your sis also. Ask them straight what their issues with you/ your horse/ your weight, etc are. Try to listen and understand. 
2. If this is really how you feel, tell her straight, but try to be nice about it that you would rather sell the horse and that is she wants her $300 she's just going to have to allow you to sell the horse. 
Then do a serious recalculation of your finances and decide honestly if you can afford to keep your horse somewhere else, cause It sounds to me like this arrangement with your mother isn't working out. 
But I think you need to first have a heart to heart with your mother, find out what her issues are and if and how they can be resolved.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

You don't have to sell the horse, your Mum is giving you the option for the family to keep it, and just let both your sister and you have access to it. 
As you are not paying for the horse, I think this is a pretty fair deal, honestly. 

Can you ask your Mum if you can work off any of the 300 you owe? 

As you are not working at the moment, the only way you are able to keep this horse is because your mum is helping you, and paying for it. You don't have the income to move it to another yard, so you are reliant on your Mum. Let her hold for the horse for you, so you still have access to it, shared with your sister until you can afford to keep it yourself. 

It completely sounds to me that your Mum is trying to help you stand on your own two feet, rather than just baling you out with money. And at 27 with your own child - this is totally reasonable to me.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

wetrain17 said:


> If your mom is holding that money over your head, then I think you're best option is to sell the horse, use that money to pay your mom back and save for a horse all on your own, no strings attached. It sounds like if you keep this horse, there will always be something she will hold over your head making it more of a hassle than it is worth. Good luck!


 
Even though my boyf at the time paid for the horse she wont allow me to sell till i pay back this £300 i apparently owe her, but shes not shown me anything on paper of what its ment to be for.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

themacpack said:


> OP, you asked in your thread title, "what would you do" and that is exactly what the people responding to you answered with - very kindly and politely I might add - so there is no reason to respond with venom. Seeing that you are not receptive to honest assessment of the situation I am not going to waste my breath.


 
To be fair it was not nice to see things that personaly I took to suggesting that cause of the type of income i am on I should not have a horse and 2 that my daughter is in anyway being left out or going with out ect. Sorry I jumped to my defence but Its a TOUGH sittuation for me at the moment and I dont mean to sound ungreatfull for people taking the time to respond but as its braking my heart all this I did get a bit offended but the questions remarking my daughter and income. But thank you for taking the time to reply.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

Saddlebag said:


> Ask her straight out what she really wants and let her speak without interruption. Obviously she has a problem with your weight. Ask her why. I have a hunch this is just surface stuff and you need to get to the real issues. People often fight over money issues when it's not the real issue.


 
Have tried that in the past, Shes always put me down about my weight since I was about 13-14 Im a big ish build and a size 14 but dont have a flat/tonned tummy.. But thank you for your input


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

Sheepdog said:


> O/P sounds to me like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also sounds to me like your mom is not so subtly trying to force you to give your horse to your sister. If this was me I'd do this:
> 1. Call a "family meeting" with your mother and perhpas your sis also. Ask them straight what their issues with you/ your horse/ your weight, etc are. Try to listen and understand.
> 2. If this is really how you feel, tell her straight, but try to be nice about it that you would rather sell the horse and that is she wants her $300 she's just going to have to allow you to sell the horse.
> Then do a serious recalculation of your finances and decide honestly if you can afford to keep your horse somewhere else, cause It sounds to me like this arrangement with your mother isn't working out.
> But I think you need to first have a heart to heart with your mother, find out what her issues are and if and how they can be resolved.


 
Tried that and theres never a straight answer, Told my mum straight and broke down in tears over it and she dont listen. I said If i sell her you can have the money then but she wont allow me to do that (the £300 i am ment to owe is for things I didnt ask them to buy or that she didnt need ie stuff she already had and didnt need 2/3 of) 

I pay all I should pay, Ie my yard rent, her feed weekly, her hay., I chip in with all work, I buy things for the yard if needed (like when we have had work done up there, or even done the work myself, like built a new storage hut for the feed ect) I pay the farrier when my horse sees him ect ect. 

So its not like i expect my mum to do it all or pay it all, bear in mind my 18 year old sis dont pay anything that I pay ect.

But thank you for your response and taking the time to post it


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

AlexS said:


> You don't have to sell the horse, your Mum is giving you the option for the family to keep it, and just let both your sister and you have access to it.
> As you are not paying for the horse, I think this is a pretty fair deal, honestly.
> 
> Can you ask your Mum if you can work off any of the 300 you owe?
> ...


 
I do pay for my horse, My sister dont pay for hers. This money Im ment to owe my mum is for things they brought of there own back and things my horses didnt need as she already had, But I have never seen any kind of log of prices ect. I also do jobs around the yard and I also cheak on all the horses not just mine when my mum can not get up to the yard and she has 7 including my 18 year old sisters horse. Me and my partner at the time before I even got my horse was up the yard fixing all fencing and including making new fencing for the fields for her and that was before I even decided to get a horse after working out my finances. So its really not like I got a horse when i cant afford it and dumped it on my mum then left it... I pay what I should pay for my horses up keep and for what she needs ect as well as do jobs around the yard and mattinance ect. My issues is the fact my mum says im too fat all the time and wont allow me to ride my horse and the fact if i decide to sell she wont allow me cause i owe her £300 (which I dont just have sitting in my pocket) but is happy for me to just hand my horse over, Yet my sister who is old enough to work and has no kids ect dont have to pay for the up keeping of her horse only things she decideds to get her horse and even then its her boyf that pays for it. So yeh I do pay for my mare I wouldnt of got her if I couldnt pay for the basics of a horses everyday living ect. But again thank you for taking the time to respond


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

Also have stood on my own two feet since I moved out of home at 16... And actually I used to be the one always lending my mum money, she dont lend to me and she certainly dont give me hand outs...


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## Shoebox (Apr 18, 2012)

I'm a bit confused... and forgive me if I'm missing something. But you're a grown woman, obviously independent. The horse is yours, you own him and pay for him. Why do you need your mother's permission to do anything with him? If you want to sell him, you should just be able to do so. If she's going to try and exhibit that kind of control, can you consider moving to a different barn? I think this may be the reason some people thought you were so young. Asking permission is expected if you're under 18, but after that if he's genuinely your horse she shouldn't be able to forbid you from selling him If you wanted to. yes he is on her property, but that shouldn't give her rights to dictate whether or not to sell him, even if you owe 300 dollars. That's like blackmail, telling you she won't let you do anything with him until you pay her.


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## FeatheredFeet (Jan 27, 2010)

Something just doesn't ring true here. This lady says she doesn't work, but just to live and pay rent or a mortgage, plus food, transport, clothing etc., _somebody_ is footing the bill. Maybe she actually also lives with her mother.

She says her mother will not allow her to sell the horse, until she pays the money owed. Why not sell this horse, who apparently jumps 6' and should fetch much more than the money owed? This way, mother could be paid from the proceeds and our OP would have quite a lot of money left over. 

I absolutely understand the OP not wanting to part with her horse. It is always difficult to sell a beloved animal, but in this case, if in fact everything we've been told is true, it might be the only way out. If sold, at some point in the future, she might even be able to purchase the horse back. 

If in fact the OP does have some kind of an income, then she could possibly find a new yard, pay the month in advance or whatever is required and move the horse when her mother and sister are not around. Not the best idea in the circumstances, but it is her horse and at 27 years old, she should be able to take charge of the situation and do something.

Lizzie


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## Hailey1203 (Dec 12, 2010)

Im just gonna quietly subscribe to this...


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

FeatheredFeet said:


> Something just doesn't ring true here. This lady says she doesn't work, but just to live and pay rent or a mortgage, plus food, transport, clothing etc., _somebody_ is footing the bill.


I believe that she is on Income Support (or whatever it's currently called, as I have not lived in the UK for over a decade). 



angelghost said:


> To be fair it was not nice to see things that personaly I took to suggesting that cause of the type of income i am on I should not have a horse


If that is the case Angelghost, I believe that it is morally corrupt to have a horse. And you do need to relinquish control to your Mum or sell her. 

You also sound jealous that your 18 year old sister is not paying for anything, while you have to. However you said that you are 27 (I think). There's quite a big difference in expected responsibilities between 18-27.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

Shoebox said:


> I'm a bit confused... and forgive me if I'm missing something. But you're a grown woman, obviously independent. The horse is yours, you own him and pay for him. Why do you need your mother's permission to do anything with him? If you want to sell him, you should just be able to do so. If she's going to try and exhibit that kind of control, can you consider moving to a different barn? I think this may be the reason some people thought you were so young. Asking permission is expected if you're under 18, but after that if he's genuinely your horse she shouldn't be able to forbid you from selling him If you wanted to. yes he is on her property, but that shouldn't give her rights to dictate whether or not to sell him, even if you owe 300 dollars. That's like blackmail, telling you she won't let you do anything with him until you pay her.


 
That was my point excatly... I can only ride my horse ect when she allows me to and I dont have ket to the yard gate or take room so I cant do anything when they are not there at all apart from go to my horse in the field. Cant bring her in or anything and just groom ect cause i cant get to my stuff in the tack room enless they are there. Even though I get asked to go cheak on the horses when they cant go up there ect. The £300 I owe is for extra girths ect they brought her with out my aklodgement ect. Since I got my horse in june Ive maybe rode her about 8 times either cause I havent had access to the take room or because Ive been told im not aloud to ride her cause of my weight. 

Thank you for your reply


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

I would work my butt off and move. Youre 27. Your mother should not be telling you what to do. You are more than capable of making decisions on your own.


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## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

find a day when they are there, take YOUR TACK not the extra they bought for your horse, ad get your horse and MOVE. 

simple solution. if your mom is trying to squeeze money out of you for something you dont owe, just remove yourself from the equation.

its not unheard of for parents to support an 18 yr old. my parents helped my sister out for 4 more years while she was in college, helping with rent and what not because she was a full time student...didnt have time for a job.

now maybe thats not the case with your sister...but honestly how much can you really expect an 18 yr old to make?

my parents are still paying for my horses and im 20...but im in Hawaii and cant have them here...so i send them money when i can.

by 27 you should hopefully have a ground base of money that you can use to move your horse to a different barn.

theres no reason to stay at your moms place.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

FeatheredFeet said:


> Something just doesn't ring true here. This lady says she doesn't work, but just to live and pay rent or a mortgage, plus food, transport, clothing etc., _somebody_ is footing the bill. Maybe she actually also lives with her mother.
> 
> She says her mother will not allow her to sell the horse, until she pays the money owed. Why not sell this horse, who apparently jumps 6' and should fetch much more than the money owed? This way, mother could be paid from the proceeds and our OP would have quite a lot of money left over.
> 
> ...


Again I moved out of home when I was 16, I rent and dont own my property. Also Yes my horse would make a fair price if i sell her thats not a issue, the issue is my mum wont allow me to sell her till i give her £300 first. I couldnt move her when they not around as I dont have a key to the yard gate.

But thank you for your input


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

AlexS said:


> I believe that she is on Income Support (or whatever it's currently called, as I have not lived in the UK for over a decade).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 
Firstly, I pay for her. Yes I do recive benifits but I also do home partys for company to earn a bit of extra income. Im saying if I didnt think I could afford a horse in the first place then I wouldnt of got one or even thought about it but I done the working out financially and I could do it, with or with out the help of my partner at the time, Hence why I went ahead and got the horse..

No not jelous of my sister at all, but at the same time shes 18 (classed as a adult) so surely she should pay some of her way at least. We are both my mums daughters yet its one rule for one and not the other thats all Im saying. Not jelous of her at all, Just stating a fact cause If it was someone elses yard they wouldnt be like ''oh your 18 you dont have to pay a penny to have a horse here ect, but cause your 27 you do'' Its kinda like were both keeping our horses there surly there should be the same rule to apply to us both? If you get what I mean :/ 

Maybe Im not coming across clear enough...


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## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

move her when they ARE there.

go at this like you would at any other barn. dont let your mom railroad you just because she is your mother. this is a business agreement/issue and yall need to go about this that way instead of mother daughter having a slug fest kind of deal.

give your notice, pay for what you owe, find a barn to move your horse and on they day you want to moke make sure shes going to be there.



i dont see how SHE wont let you sell your own horse...do you have the papers for this horse? is your name listed as the owner? if so then that is YOUR horse to deal with and YOUR horse to sell. not her.

scrounge up the money somehow if you need to to pay her back and then burn rubber outta dodge.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

wetrain17 said:


> I would work my butt off and move. Youre 27. Your mother should not be telling you what to do. You are more than capable of making decisions on your own.


 
Thank you hun, Thats what Im trying to do. It would also help as where my mums yard is at the moment is a hour drive each way at the moment so some where closer would be of benifit too. Its just mum refusing me to do anything with my horse no matter how much I talk to her and try to discuss things with her. 

Thank you for your reply


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## kassierae (Jan 1, 2010)

I fail to see how the horse is yours yet you can't do anything with it. I was 15-16 ish when my mare became mine and I had 100% say in what happened with her. If the horse is legally yours, you do NOT need permission to do anything with it. It's yours, plain and simple.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

kassierae said:


> I fail to see how the horse is yours yet you can't do anything with it. I was 15-16 ish when my mare became mine and I had 100% say in what happened with her. If the horse is legally yours, you do NOT need permission to do anything with it. It's yours, plain and simple.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This - either there is a big piece of the story missing here or you are confusing "don't want to" (for fear of angering your mum, not willing/able to board the horse anywhere else, etc) with "can't"


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## corgi (Nov 3, 2009)

Yes, if this horse is legally owned by you and your mum is keeping you from moving your horse or riding your horse then it sounds like a legal issue.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

angelghost said:


> Firstly, I pay for her. Yes I do recive benifits but I also do home partys for company to earn a bit of extra income.


My first job out of school was working for Income Support, and then later the Child Support Agency in England. 

If you are working on the side, then you are supposed to declare that income, and your Income Support/Family Support/Credit would be reduced accordingly. 

The system is not designed to enable people to afford the luxury of a horse. I'd imagine that if the fraud dept at your local benefits office was aware of your circumstances, they would be eliminating the subsides that the tax paying people are providing for you. 





angelghost said:


> Im saying if I didnt think I could afford a horse in the first place then I wouldnt of got one or even thought about it but I done the working out financially and I could do it, with or with out the help of my partner at the time, Hence why I went ahead and got the horse..
> 
> No not jelous of my sister at all, but at the same time shes 18 (classed as a adult) so surely she should pay some of her way at least. We are both my mums daughters yet its one rule for one and not the other thats all Im saying. Not jelous of her at all, Just stating a fact cause If it was someone elses yard they wouldnt be like ''oh your 18 you dont have to pay a penny to have a horse here ect, but cause your 27 you do'' Its kinda like were both keeping our horses there surly there should be the same rule to apply to us both? If you get what I mean :/
> 
> Maybe Im not coming across clear enough...



So basically, you can afford the horse because of tax payer provided subsidies, however you are unwilling to pay your mother for the cost of the care for the horse because you are miffed that your sister doesn't pay anything. 

Please explain how that makes any bit of sense. 


Not only is it morally corrupt to purchase a horse while on benefits, why are you reliant on your mother at 27 years old?


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

1. I pay for my horse! My mum does NOT pay for my horse ( as stated many times the £300 she is saying I owe her are for things she has brought MY horse with out consulting me and things she didnt need, Ie girth ect and other tack she already had that I brought her) I Pay my horses yard rent, feed, hay, vet bills if needed the vet, farrier, dentist when needed, First aid care, Health and body care ect ect 

2. I can leagly work up to 16 hours with out my benifits being affected... As for CSA I made a claim 15 months ago and still not recived my payments.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

Know what conversation closed! 

Thanks to the people who took the time to post any posts.


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

:shock:


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

angelghost said:


> Know what conversation closed!
> 
> Thanks to the people who took the time to post any posts.


Know what? It doesn't work that way - you can't decide "conversation closed" just because the thread doesn't go your way :wink:

Starting a spin off thread based on this thread is probably a pretty ineffective way to end the conversation, btw


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## FeatheredFeet (Jan 27, 2010)

angelghost said:


> Firstly, I pay for her. Yes I do recive benifits but I also do home partys for company to earn a bit of extra income. Im saying if I didnt think I could afford a horse in the first place then I wouldnt of got one or even thought about it but I done the working out financially and I could do it, with or with out the help of my partner at the time, Hence why I went ahead and got the horse.


So little by little, the truth is coming out. When I first asked about who was actually footing the financial costs for your living expenses, you said you were _not_ receiving any government help. Now you admit you are. So in fact, the taxpayers in England, are actually helping to keep your luxury item - i.e., your horse. 

Now I suspect, since the truth (finally) has come out publicly, you have decided to run away and hide. Maybe for fear that the authorities will discover the keeping of a horse on money others pay in their taxes?

We have an enormous number of members here, from the UK. I'm sure they are just thrilled to hear all this.

Lizzie


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## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

> 2. I can leagly work up to 16 hours with out my benifits being affected...


 
16 hrs...a week???? that blows my mind. just wow. i work 20 hours in *2* days. wow.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

angelghost said:


> 1. I pay for my horse! My mum does NOT pay for my horse ( as stated many times the £300 she is saying I owe her are for things she has brought MY horse with out consulting me and things she didnt need, Ie girth ect and other tack she already had that I brought her) I Pay my horses yard rent, feed, hay, vet bills if needed the vet, farrier, dentist when needed, First aid care, Health and body care ect ect
> 
> 2. *I can leagly work up to 16 hours with out my benifits being affected... As for CSA I made a claim 15 months ago and still not recived my payments.*


Are you PHYSICALLY able to work more than 16 hours a week? Are you purposely avoiding exceeding the allowable hours so as to continue to receive benefits?


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

Roperchick said:


> 16 hrs...a week???? that blows my mind. just wow. i work 20 hours in *2* days. wow.


No doubt. I used to work 24-48 hour shifts as a paramedic. Now I only do 12 hours/day as a nurse because I not only got older I got smarter :wink:


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## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

^^^yerp yerp.

thats what im about to switch to is 12 to 12. yaaaay army lol


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## wetrain17 (May 25, 2011)

Themacpack those were my thoughts exactly
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

themacpack said:


> Are you PHYSICALLY able to work more than 16 hours a week? Are you purposely avoiding exceeding the allowable hours so as to continue to receive benefits?


If you've got the stamina to ride a horse and keep it well.....you generally have the stamina to work a decent work week.....especially at that age.....


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

I think that she means that she can get benefits if she works up to 16 hours per week. In the US, if you are on disability, you can work up to 20 hours per week. I have a friend who is incapable of working full days due to her multiple sclerosis, but she can work a few hours a day. This allows her to make a somewhat better life for her family.

I know a young woman that lived with her mother off and on until she was 35 years old. That sucks for both the mother and the kid. I moved out when I was 17, got my education, and I support myself and my family. Making your own money gives you the power to make your own decisions.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Celeste said:


> I think that she means that she can get benefits if she works up to 16 hours per week. In the US, if you are on disability, you can work up to 20 hours per week. I have a friend who is incapable of working full days due to her multiple sclerosis, but she can work a few hours a day. This allows her to make a somewhat better life for her family.
> 
> I know a young woman that lived with her mother off and on until she was 35 years old. That sucks for both the mother and the kid. I moved out when I was 17, got my education, and I support myself and my family. Making your own money gives you the power to make your own decisions.


I completely understood what she meant - and that is why my question was is she ABLE to work more hours than that but CHOOSING not to so as not to cause herself to lose the benefits she is collecting.


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## ninjahorse (Jun 7, 2010)

Do you honestly believe you are doing the right thing by continuing to own a horse and collecting state money at the same time? Unless you are collecting for disability, I would seriously take a good long look at your judgement. 

I think what your family is doing is wrong. But I wouldn't have been put in this situation anyways. I wouldn't have tolerated anyone else riding my horse. I would have demanded a key to have access to things I own. Plus, I'm not sure how things work in the UK, but if you moved out at only 16 I am assuming that you already had family issues. With that said, I wouldn't have had the horse on the property in the first place. Again, this is only answered your original question, what would I do. Oh and if I had no other option but to live on tax payers money, I would have definitely sold my Olympic level jumping horse to pay bills and do what is right...

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this experience and start making better decisions with your life. I have a feeling that you will feel much better once you do.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

Celeste said:


> I think that she means that she can get benefits if she works up to 16 hours per week. In the US, if you are on disability, you can work up to 20 hours per week. I have a friend who is incapable of working full days due to her multiple sclerosis, but she can work a few hours a day. This allows her to make a somewhat better life for her family.



That is what she means Celeste, but it is not like disability here in the US. She is claiming a state provided subsidy, my memory is shaky as it was over a decade ago, but I believe it's called Family Credit or Family Support. She can work up to 20 hours a week and still get full benefits. It's designed to help get low income people back on their feet. 








angelghost said:


> 1. I pay for my horse! My mum does NOT pay for my horse ( as stated many times the £300 she is saying I owe her are for things she has brought MY horse with out consulting me and things she didnt need, Ie girth ect and other tack she already had that I brought her) I Pay my horses yard rent, feed, hay, vet bills if needed the vet, farrier, dentist when needed, First aid care, Health and body care ect ect
> 
> 2. I can leagly work up to 16 hours with out my benifits being affected... As for CSA I made a claim 15 months ago and still not recived my payments.



Return the items you don't want to your mother. 


As far as CSA, unless your ex has a high documented income, you won't see a penny because the child support he pays goes back to repay the benefits that you are receiving. It's done that way so your income is secure if he decides not to pay. The only way you would see any of that money, is if he is assigned a payment that is more than your benefits - not likely! And this is why it's immoral for you to have a horse, because the British tax payers are paying for it for you rather than you trying to stand on your own two feet.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

themacpack said:


> Are you PHYSICALLY able to work more than 16 hours a week? Are you purposely avoiding exceeding the allowable hours so as to continue to receive benefits?


 
Yes I can and Im looking for full time work now that my daughter is at full time school. I dont want to be on benifits and now my daughter is at full time school Im looking for a job so that I can work for my money.


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## angelghost (Jun 4, 2012)

ninjahorse said:


> Do you honestly believe you are doing the right thing by continuing to own a horse and collecting state money at the same time? Unless you are collecting for disability, I would seriously take a good long look at your judgement.
> 
> I think what your family is doing is wrong. But I wouldn't have been put in this situation anyways. I wouldn't have tolerated anyone else riding my horse. I would have demanded a key to have access to things I own. Plus, I'm not sure how things work in the UK, but if you moved out at only 16 I am assuming that you already had family issues. With that said, I wouldn't have had the horse on the property in the first place. Again, this is only answered your original question, what would I do. Oh and if I had no other option but to live on tax payers money, I would have definitely sold my Olympic level jumping horse to pay bills and do what is right...
> 
> I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this experience and start making better decisions with your life. I have a feeling that you will feel much better once you do.


 
I moved out at 16 to work away as a dancer, I spent my life from 16 working full time work till I gave up work at 7 months pregnant to have my daughter. Since then I have been a single parent and went onto benifits, I currently do house partys and a rep for a company where I pay for my horse. Orriginally the partner I was with at the time was going to help with my horse and sadly things didnt work out and we split so I took on sole finacial for my horse. My benifits go on every day living, Ie shopping and everyday things and my daughter. Im looking for full time work again now because now winter is upon us i know my horse is going to need more and hence why I was taking the tough decision on selling her, But my issue was my mum not allowing me too cause of the £300 she is currently saying I owe her (again for things she brought with out my knoledge and that being things she already had so didnt need multipul of) Even though It is MY horse. I was kinda after what other people would do in that situation. Not to be judged in anyway or questioned about my life. Im greatfull for everyones input into this conversation.

YES i pay for her
YES I pay for her by rep-ing at the house partys I do for a company
YES Im looking for full time work
YES I know its in my beloved horses best intensions I sell her

I was just wondering the best way to go about it all in the situation I am in.


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## Sharpie (May 24, 2009)

"But my issue was my mum not allowing me too cause of the £300"

I may be belaboring the point, but it is your horse. Your mom may be making things difficult for you, inconvenient for you, or painful for you, but as it is your horse, she cannot 'not allow' you to sell it. She may tell you that, but it doesn't make it true. 

If you have to break the door latch in the middle of the night with a rented truck and trailer and 'steal' your own horse to another facility where you can have potential buyers ride her, then that is what you may have to do. Hell, if she jumps like you say, you could just have her go over the gate instead. It's up to you- you either will have the determination to force the issue and do what needs doing, or you won't.


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## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

bolt cutters and a replacement lock so she cant get mad for damaged property.

get your things and move.

easy as that. it doesnt matter if its family or what. thats your horse, your property and she really has no right to it.

i can get that you may be reluctant....family and all

but its YOUR property and its a business problem you have with her now, just like every other BO or boarder in a situation similar....not family right now.


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## HagonNag (Jul 17, 2010)

I'm confused about a few things:
1. It's your horse, how can your mother refuse to let you ride it?
2. It's your horse, how can your mother refuse access to it? You need a key!

With her attitude, I realize that it would be difficult to sell the horse (how would you show it to potential buyers?) BUT...he's doing xc, 6ft. jumps and dressage...Somebody besides your family must be aware of him?

Your mom obviously wants the horse, or she'd be more open to you selling him and repaying the money. Can you not find someone to loan you the 300 until you sell him and then can repay the money? This money seems to be the sticking point. Once you pay your mom, she has no more say in the issue as long as you stay out of debt with her. Then sell the horse!!! OR...let her have it, (it cost you nothing) walk away and take it as a valuable lesson learned: Don't ever put a horse with family again!!! 

The whole situation with your mom and sister is a side issue. You obviously have family issues. As I see it, your mom has 2 daughters: 1 is 18 and in college. 1 is 27, a single mother, marginally employed, and on public funds. She is critical of your weight (I'm not familiar with "stones" as a weight unit, so I'm not prepared to comment.) Weight is a very personal issue....but it would seem your mom is unhappy with you. Is she using weight as an issue, when there are other issues she isn't discussing?

At 27, you need to remove yourself from this situation. You are an adult with a child, yet your mother is treating you as a child she can control. Sell the horse or walk away from it, get better employment and stand on your own. Worrying about what your sister has is something a child does...not an adult. Get your own life in order and quit worrying about what your sister has or doesn't have. If your mom is treating you unfairly, well then she is. Face it and live with it, because at 27, it's childish to complain about it. Get on with your own life and if you have to sell the horse or let it go in order to do so....then do it. Squabbling about it isn't helping you advance yourself. As my father would say....fish or cut bait!


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

I find it ridiculous, in any country, for someone to be on public assistance and be using the little $$ they have for what I would consider "luxury" extras. (horse, fancy car, fake, nails that have to be redone every month....etc). I do understand the need for an occasional "splurge", but this is ridiculous.

OP I understand that your daughter has "everything she needs", but think how much nicer it might be if some of the extra $$ you are contributing to the horse, gas to get to the yard, etc were actually spent on you and she doing things together or maybe something extra for her?

This is going to sound mean, but take it as you will. You are 27 with a child. Grow up, put your big girl panties on and put someone else before yourself for once in your life. You state repeatedly your sister is 18 and can work-what about you? You are 27 and SHOULD have been working for years now!

I am pretty sure your mom probably has her reasons and we are only getting a little piece of this story. It is also my opinion that you would be well served to go back to school, especially while you have the time and are living on assistance. SO, while looking for a job-better yourself.


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## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

Oh jeeze this thread is just too good!

I'm 18 and have lived independantly since I was 15... and magically, have never needed to be on financial assistance due to my job! I've also owned my horse since I was 14. Sure, money was tight sometimes... but always, somehow, made it work.

If someone had my legally-owned horse locked in a paddock, I would be bolt-cutting him out of there. 
If the horse is actually yours you can do that- nobody can hold your animal. 
If the $300 is the issue... well, leave what she purchased for your horse there. Her spending the money was her own decision, and that's no reason for her to be able to keep the horse.

Having said that, if you aren't working, you have no business owning a horse! I don't care if you 'can' afford it. The government assistance cheques truly are not there for a luxury like a horse; they're there so you're able to survive. Having a horse is more than surviving.

So my suggestion would be to move your horse to a boarding stable for as long as it takes to sell, so your potential buyers don't have to deal with the drama of your family issues when coming to see the horse. Besides, your olympic contender should be able to fetch a pretty penny. Start a savings fund with that!


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## frizzy (Jun 10, 2012)

If it was me I would pay the money back with a receipt. Then move YOUR horse to a different yard as soon as possible, it sounds like your mother rules your life, don't let her. To me it just sounds like there trying to get a nice "free" horse out off you 
She is not in any position to "give YOU permission to sell YOUR horse

I'm sorry for the situation your in and hope it rights itself


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

I think people are being a bit rough here. 

Where she gets her money is no business of anyone else's. This is a horse forum - not a "how to live your life according to me" forum. People might throw stones at me, but I am on a government allowance (for students - pretty much all students get this in my country) and I have a horse. I work part-time as well, but, unlike many people on here, its not that easy to get regular hours sometimes. It's easy to criticise someone's financial position when you're not in it. It blows my mind how people think they should criticise someone else's choices because they're not like theirs. I know if I had a child I'd never want to work 10 hours a day. In fact many people choose not to work full time and I think that is perfectly fine. Its only really recently that full time hours has become expected of everyone. Money isn't always worth time. 

To me it doesn't sound like she can't afford the horse, more like she can't afford to be spending money for something that isn't needed. The OP also sounds like she needs to grow up a bit too. You're an adult, a mother, don't let someone push you around. Owning a horse is a responsibility, much like having a child, and once you have that responsibility you have to step up. If you're experienced enough to own a horse then you know what that horse needs, and if its suitable for you regardless of what your mother says. 

Work out the reasonable money owed and move your horse immediately, upon payment of your reasonable debt, then decide what you want. 

Its not really a problem unless you're making it one.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

It does sound more like a relationship problem than a money problem. If the mother is really controlling and divisive, then perhaps the OP needs to try to find out why. There is also the possibility that the mom is really bonded to the horse. If so, perhaps she would be willing to keep the horse and pay for all its expenses (free lease) or maybe she even wants to buy the horse.


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## Shoebox (Apr 18, 2012)

Saskia said:


> I think people are being a bit rough here.
> 
> Where she gets her money is no business of anyone else's. This is a horse forum - not a "how to live your life according to me" forum. People might throw stones at me, but I am on a government allowance (for students - pretty much all students get this in my country) and I have a horse. I work part-time as well, but, unlike many people on here, its not that easy to get regular hours sometimes. It's easy to criticise someone's financial position when you're not in it. It blows my mind how people think they should criticise someone else's choices because they're not like theirs. I know if I had a child I'd never want to work 10 hours a day. In fact many people choose not to work full time and I think that is perfectly fine. Its only really recently that full time hours has become expected of everyone. Money isn't always worth time.
> 
> ...


I disagree. She did ask for our opinions, and we are giving them. She can't ask our opinions and then get upset when they aren't what she wants to hear.

I also think that if you don't believe that money is worth the time, and instead are going to get benefits when you *could* be working and *could* be earning that money instead of the people who really do need it getting it, for something unnecessary like a horse, that's morally wrong. I know 100 percent that if I was in such a position where I needed to accept government assistance, I would sell my horse. It would be hard, but if I can't afford to live my life with my own hard earned money than I shouldn't have a horse.

I kind of agree that money isn't always worth the time. That can be true. But not often. If it's few dollars per hour of grueling, backbreaking work - than yes, it's not worth it. But even a minimum wage job is worth the money. Everybody has to work for their money. If you don't think you would have enough time for our daughter if you worked full time, then would you really have time for a horse, too? TONS of people work full time with kids. And tons of people work part time, and still make it work. But if you want extra luxury things like a horse, you should get off your butt and work for it. If you're going to take unneeded government assistance when you could be working, you shouldn't have a horse. (This talking about OPs situation. Yours sounds different.) We all work for our money, save for people who legitimately can't. That system should not be taken advantage of.

We of course can all agree to disagree. She did ask our opinions on what we should do. And we, for the most part, are giving it (Sell the horse for X reasons). I can see where you're coming from... I just happen to have a different view on it than you. Sorry if I came off snarky


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Saskia said:


> I think people are being a bit rough here.
> 
> Where she gets her money is no business of anyone else's. This is a horse forum - not a "how to live your life according to me" forum. People might throw stones at me, but I am on a government allowance (for students - pretty much all students get this in my country) and I have a horse. I work part-time as well, but, unlike many people on here, its not that easy to get regular hours sometimes. It's easy to criticise someone's financial position when you're not in it. It blows my mind how people think they should criticise someone else's choices because they're not like theirs. I know if I had a child I'd never want to work 10 hours a day. In fact many people choose not to work full time and I think that is perfectly fine. Its only really recently that full time hours has become expected of everyone. Money isn't always worth time.
> 
> ...



Sorry-I got no further than where she gets her $$ is no business of anyone elses....EXCUSE ME? She is spending other peoples $$! And, frankly, since I help support a sister in law in the UK who actually works and pays taxes to support this little wench, I am helping pay for her horse! So, yeah-it annoys me just as much as all the folks in the states, as I said who have the nerve (I am being nice here) to take advantage of the system and get their extras paid for by those of us who actually work. I have sympathy for those who try to work and can't. THese are hard times, and that is who these funds are meant for. NOT to pay for someones horse. Sorry. Really gets my panties bunched.:twisted:


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Get an agreement drawn up saying the horse's value as it is now. You cannot ride it so it is not going to improve and if you are to heavy for it, let your sister have it at college _at her expense_. 
When sister finishes college agree to sell the horse, you have the value of it as it is now less the money you owe your mother and any profit you and your sister split down the middle. 

Simple.


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