# dating a farrier, how do I deal with his schedule??



## cmarie (Dec 19, 2011)

It's basically how much are you willing to put up with in the relationship, plans get changed in every relationship, this is his livelihood, your going to have to deal with it or get out of the relationship, if he can't say no to his clients because you have plans. Ask yourself is he worth the aggravation, if yes than go with the flow, if no get out.


----------



## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

I've dated a farrier but I don't find it any different than dating any professional who has on call hours or emergencies, like doctors, vets, some firefighters, police etc. I goes with the territory. 
He's self employed & a good farrier will sometimes have to adjust his schedule. The last thing he will want is a girlfriend who doesn't understand. I would be proud to have a guy who goes out of his way to help others, even if sometimes it interferred with my plans. 
Remember he comes in contact with a lot of females so you need to be the one who he likes best. Be supportive.
As for friends, let them ask you if they are looking for a farrier.
I hope this helped.


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

Thank you for your replies! 

They were both helpful. As for me, i have never dated someone with such an unpredictable schedule, so I'm trying to get my feet under me and figure out how to deal with it while being supportive.

He is great with his clients, and very supportive to them which is great, but it means he will never make plans because of "what if". The only plans he makes are appointments like chiropractic or such. 

I just find it strange that he puts his whole life on hold for this, how does he expect to have a successful relationship, marriage, family etc, if they are always on hold for his job? 95% of the time our plans change, and we don't really make plans, which means I'm always "waiting" to hopefully get to see him. I find this a bit unreasonable, but I'm willing to give it a try because I think we could have a great future together. 

It's my goal to be supportive, because I am self employed also. But I make a point of making special time for those I care about.


----------



## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

Are you sure he wants the same things you want, long term?


----------



## mystykat (Dec 4, 2011)

lindsayw said:


> Thank you for your replies!
> 
> They were both helpful. As for me, i have never dated someone with such an unpredictable schedule, so I'm trying to get my feet under me and figure out how to deal with it while being supportive.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you know what you want in a relationship...and his schedule is not it. 
He puts his whole life on hold for this because it's how he makes money. Without money, he wouldn't have a life. 
Just relax, go with the flow and be spontaneous. I'm sure you'll adjust, especially if he's worth it.


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

natisha said:


> Are you sure he wants the same things you want, long term?


So he says.  he wants to move in with me next month.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

mystykat said:


> Sounds like you know what you want in a relationship...and his schedule is not it.
> He puts his whole life on hold for this because it's how he makes money. Without money, he wouldn't have a life.
> Just relax, go with the flow and be spontaneous. I'm sure you'll adjust, especially if he's worth it.


i understand. i dont pretend to like his schedule lol ill give it a try though 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mystykat (Dec 4, 2011)

lindsayw said:


> i understand. i dont pretend to like his schedule lol ill give it a try though
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 
The more okay with it you are - the more he'll like you.. So try not to fuss too too much! :lol: Of course, there can be some allowances


----------



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Is he young and just starting out? The new guys need to be available at all hours, or they'll get the reputation for being unreliable.

His clients will make or break him, so until he's established and has a stellar reputation he can't afford to be unavailable, especially during emergencies.

My farrier is married with 5 (!) children, and some days his wife finds it difficult to deal with his schedule, so you need to realize that while it may get better it'll never go away completely. They do take time off to go places and do things as a family, but he always gives his clients a heads up ahead of time that he'll be out of town or not available.

If you're hoping for spontaneity and getting away on the spur of the moment, that's not going to ever be a part of your relationship as long as he's a full time farrier.

As far as promoting his business, he needs to have business cards made up and put them up at tack and feed stores, as well as any boarding barns in the area. You trying to push him off on people may not be received very well, since you're hardly unbiased concerning his actual skill sets.

My farrier has over 300 horses, and he still has days where the money is a little sparse depending on his schedule. He doesn't have a day job any longer but he does do odd jobs on the side, such as cutting and selling firewood during the winter, and fencing during the spring and summer.

I do wish your guy luck, because good farriers really can make decent money once they're established.


----------



## Mellow Mel (Dec 1, 2011)

I would LOVE to be dating a farrier right now since my horse has a few hoof issues!!! I can just imagine our dates...me asking a thousand questions about hoof care. Not so sure my husband would appreciate it but thats what a girl has to do for her horse!!!


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

mystykat said:


> The more okay with it you are - the more he'll like you.. So try not to fuss too too much! :lol: Of course, there can be some allowances


You are so right lol I'm trying so hard not to fuss......but I hate being ready for dinner, waiting for 3 hours, and then having it cancelled. lol But I'm trying! :lol:


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

Mellow Mel said:


> I would LOVE to be dating a farrier right now since my horse has a few hoof issues!!! I can just imagine our dates...me asking a thousand questions about hoof care. Not so sure my husband would appreciate it but thats what a girl has to do for her horse!!!


LOL I should talk to him more about hooves, but he spends all day with horses and just wants to relax at night


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

Speed Racer said:


> Is he young and just starting out? The new guys need to be available at all hours, or they'll get the reputation for being unreliable.
> 
> His clients will make or break him, so until he's established and has a stellar reputation he can't afford to be unavailable, especially during emergencies.
> 
> ...


Yes he's mid 20's, and he's been doing it for 3 or so years. He does it full time, and he does like his work. He has business cards etc, and he does self promote, but he's also my farrier so yes, i will speak highly of him because he does a great job!  I don't "push" him on people, but I do believe in positive word of mouth. :wink:

Thank you, he's an incredible person so I'm lucky to know him let alone date him.


----------



## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

mystykat said:


> The more okay with it you are - the more he'll like you..


and the more he is likely to take advantage of you.

You need to make allowances for his schedule but he also has to learn how to delegate his time so that he - and you - have a life.


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

iridehorses said:


> and the more he is likely to take advantage of you.
> 
> You need to make allowances for his schedule but he also has to learn how to delegate his time so that he - and you - have a life.


Yes, this is exactly my point, and why I struggle with it. His thing is that he doesn't want to lose clients. I don't want our relationship to suffer or end because I'm always "waiting" around. Don't get me wrong, I do see him, but I want to spend quality time together, not rushing always last minute or late at night. Just trying to be proactive in figuring this out. I'm making a point of taking care of my business also, so I told him if he wants to get together, we make plans or wait till we both have free time.


----------



## eliduc (Apr 5, 2010)

I'm a farrier. The answer to that question is easy. You go with him. Seriously, between being married I dated a lot of girls and I never had trouble making time for them. Of course, I was never very dedicated to practicing every night making shoes that looked like they came out of a machine. Mostly, I just bought shoes that came out of a machine. I guess it depends on your priorities. As long as you are faced with this situation anyway, I would advise you to consider dating a doctor or vetrinarian.


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

eliduc said:


> I'm a farrier. The answer to that question is easy. You go with him. Seriously, between being married I dated a lot of girls and I never had trouble making time for them. Of course, I was never very dedicated to practicing every night making shoes that looked like they came out of a machine. Mostly, I just bought shoes that came out of a machine. I guess it depends on your priorities. As long as you are faced with this situation anyway, I would advise you to consider dating a doctor or vetrinarian.


Lol so you tell me to go with him and then you tell me to date someone else. Its nice to hear from a farrier though, thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Casey02 (Sep 20, 2011)

If your horse get his feet done for free then deal with his schedule  hahaha


----------



## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

Casey02 said:


> If your horse get his feet done for free then deal with his schedule  hahaha


I have a farrier BF~every 6 weeks


----------



## Casey02 (Sep 20, 2011)

^^^ your one lucky woman


----------



## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I agree with the earlier comment that it's not much different from other relationships where one or both people are Drs, vets, firefighters etc. 

I honestly think that if you can't handle his schedule, then you should end it before feelings get stronger (as you are not living together yet). 

My husband and I are newly married and foster parents to teenagers. The kids go to bed when Brad does because of his work schedule. The only time we get alone is 3 weeks vacation time, and 3.5 hours a week when the kids are at the office. In that office time, we literally run out of the door and have dinner together. 
Sometimes it hard, but we make the most of the time we have together, and we fight hard to protect that time. But we made the choice to do this, same as you are making the choice to be with him.


----------



## SarahAnn (Oct 22, 2011)

Just today I was talking with a friend and she said her horse really needed a trim. I told her when out farrier was coming and said to come over that day, it'll only take him 5 minutes anyway... I wasn't thinking, drrr. She said no way would she insult her farrier like that. She would never have anyone else work on her horses unless there was an emergency and her farrier couldn't make it. I feel the same way about my farrier. The point of that was that if your friends have a farrier and like him and respect him, they wouldn't think of switching just because he's your boyfriend. 

I would, however, introduce him to your friends because he's your boyfriend and they're your friends. That's a good enough reason to me. Maybe they'll eventually decide to switch to him... Who knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

natisha said:


> I have a farrier BF~every 6 weeks


Haha nice!! lol im at 7 weeks and i do pay him. not fair to expect it for free. i got one free trim tho 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

AlexS said:


> I agree with the earlier comment that it's not much different from other relationships where one or both people are Drs, vets, firefighters etc.
> 
> I honestly think that if you can't handle his schedule, then you should end it before feelings get stronger (as you are not living together yet).
> 
> ...


I agree, but im not willing to end something so great because of my own hang up without giving it a proper try first.  i cant imagine how hard it is for to to have such little quality time with your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

SarahAnn said:


> Just today I was talking with a friend and she said her horse really needed a trim. I told her when out farrier was coming and said to come over that day, it'll only take him 5 minutes anyway... I wasn't thinking, drrr. She said no way would she insult her farrier like that. She would never have anyone else work on her horses unless there was an emergency and her farrier couldn't make it. I feel the same way about my farrier. The point of that was that if your friends have a farrier and like him and respect him, they wouldn't think of switching just because he's your boyfriend.
> 
> I would, however, introduce him to your friends because he's your boyfriend and they're your friends. That's a good enough reason to me. Maybe they'll eventually decide to switch to him... Who knows.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I should be clear that i in no way expect my friends to switch to him. ive only told a couple friends with horses about him because they were complaining about their own farrier. i will pass the word on that hes great when i can, but no one is expected or asked to switch. he was my farrier before we started dating and i told people about him then.  i just simply was curious if people thought it would be awkward in case he and my friends didnt get along but they became his clients. its between he and anyone if they work together, not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COWCHICK77 (Jun 21, 2010)

When my husband and I first met I was working for a horse trainer 5.5-7 days a week and he was working at a feedlot for 6-7 days a week on a rotating schedule. We spent what little time we had together although not much. But I never expected him to sacrifice his job me and he never expected me to do the same. We had a _*mutual*_ respect for each others jobs and knew that time with each other was going to be little until either we decided to do something different with or without each other.

Granted we did things very unconventional and most peoples stories don't end like our ours, especially given how it started, but give it time to develop before you guys make a rash decision about the relationship.

I can say our family dynamics have changed several times in our relationship, from both of us working our butts off only to have a can of beans heated on the stove for dinner, him being the bread winner, or just me, to us being equals working together and him supporting me just because he wants to and we can afford it. If he is truely a good guy you will be rewarded for your patience and understanding, if he is not he will simply be taking your patience for granted. In the end only you can be the judge of that.


----------



## Darrin (Jul 11, 2011)

What you are telling me is your BF has good work ethics, which is extemely important for those that are self employed in the service sector. If you are not responsive to your customers needs, they'll go find someone who is. That's a good way to not make ends meet.

As others have mentioned, there are a ton of jobs out there that are not pure 9 to 5ers and are not all that predictable. Just as an example, on valentines I went to work at 7am and finished up at 11:30pm just to be back at 7am the next morning. I consider 40hrs a starting point for the week and go from there. Luckily the other half doesn't complain because she grew up with her father doing the same.


----------



## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

I fully believe that if you are important to someone they will make time for you no matter what. While his job may be demanding it is reasonable to expect him to make time for you, or for him not to be in a relationship. 

Like someone suggested, go with him. Make plans for dinner at home, if he gets called out you can just bring dinner with you and go with him.


----------



## CecilliaB (Jan 21, 2010)

In the words of Nike......Just do it.

I am a military wife and have been for nearly 8 year. My husband has been home almost exactly half our marriage between deployments, work ups, training and various duty trips he is required to take.

He was not military when we dated, he left for boot 6 days after our wedding day. I knew his career goals when I decided to marry him. 

You have to have a sit down with yourself to make a conscious decision of weather your are willing to accept what your other half is committed to doing with that part of their life. Then not over think it and certainly not wine or rag on them.

There is nothing worse then listening to another young wife (and it's most young wives and girlfriends not the more seasoned ones) complain that they were called up for an early PT, or they get unexpected duty or they have to go into the shop on the weekend or the Sgt Major is requiring an audit and he had to unexpectedly work late....

Quality time is not quantity time, when you get time with him make it special and rewarding and he will endeavor to get you both more time together.


----------



## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

CecillaB, I praise you for your patience and your attitude about your husband's career. I also thank your husband for his service. However there is a world of difference between a career soldier and a farrier.

A soldier has no choice, a farrier does. I can't imagine a case where the farrier gets a call at 8:00 in the evening because Ole Dobbin threw a shoe and he has to get out there now. In the event of a show the next morning, maybe - but how many times will that happen? ... He has to learn that there is a time when the phone gets shut off. 

I realize that he is young and is making his reputation while building his following but that is a tremendous lack of respect for his customers to be calling at odd hours and demanding his services immediately. No farrier does that. Emergencies happen but 90% of the time, it isn't an emergency - it's just a customer who has no respect for his/her farrier.

When I was showing and if my horse came up with a loose shoe before a show, my farrier would be out there at 5:00 in the morning - not 9:00 on a Friday night. He had a life and I had to respect that.

My 2¢


----------



## lindsayw (Feb 16, 2012)

Well you all have valid points. I have not been to work with him even though I would like to. His driving is his alone time for the most part. And he has had an apprentice now since March........So there is not much hope of me going too. We have spent little to no time together since march for various reasons on both our parts. It's sad really. We are incredible together. He has many things going on......family issues, apprentice, full work schedule....secondary jobs even to fill the holes when he's not shoeing. He's a workaholic. 

It seems there is little hope at this point, as work is mainly his only focus. I hear all the things I want to hear, I love you, want it to work etc etc but then all he does is work. And it's making him grouchy, he has too much going on. We have backed off our commitment so there is less hurt because we don't see each other. But......this doesn't seem to me to be a good way to make a relationship work. I've decided to be supportive and see what happens. I've backed off mostly, and just tell him how I feel every now and then. I'm at a loss.....although he's supposed to do my horses feet tonight.


----------

