# Apache's last ride..*warning a tad graphic*



## Walkamile

Cowgirl, I am so very sorry for your loss. There are not adequate words to express my sympathy for you and your dear boy.


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## Klassic Superstar

Wow I am so sorry, no words can describe how sorry I am! How traumatic! 
Hugs to the maximum!:-(


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## smrobs

I'm very sorry for your loss.


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## cowgirlup24

Thank you both for the hugs..they are much appreciated. Its nice to be able to tell the story and have people understand and not just automatically tell me, "Oh you should be over it already geesh! He was just an animal". Also writing it down helps get it out of my head so I'm not thinking about it as often... Not long after the accident I went and sought help.Was having nightmares,panic attacks and flash backs to name a few things.. Found out that I have PTSD from what happened. I have lived a sheltered life really up until that happened and that experience shook me to my core.. I have been seeing a counselor/therapist who specializes in dealing with people who have PTSD and that has helped a lot! So has being able to write down how I'm feeling and what happened that day. Oh crud,babbling again..sorry


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## Walkamile

Gracious, don't be sorry for sharing your emotions and experience. It's part of the healing process imo. And to go through such a traumatic experience , good grief, I think I'd be in a padded room!


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## BarrelracingArabian

Oh my gosh I am so sorry that happened to you and apache  that's terrible but he will always be watching you and by your side even if not in the flesh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AQHA13

I'm very sorry for what has happened to your beloved horse. I hope that this will not deter you though, and that you will be able to continue enjoying horses as a part of your life. Hugs and well wishes


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## tempest

One of my friends found this picture somewhere. I'm so sorry about what happened to Apache. *hugs*


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## lubylol

Brought tears to my eyes! I'm so sorry for your loss.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HorseLovinLady

Again i'm so sorry for your loss. :-( (((Hugs)))


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## Cacowgirl

What an awful time for you & Apache. I cannot imagine your pain, but do understand that voice you heard. & also the PTSD,so glad you are getting treatment for it. Hope the writing of that awful day is cathartic for you. I do hope you can find another horse to love & care for at some point. So very sorry for your loss.


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## HorseDreams

I am so sorry for your loss, but so glad you are strong enough to share your story! I am a person that has to talk about things so I can heal and I hope this helps with your healing process. I cried while I read your story... it's NEVER easy losing an animal, they are our family too! :hug: More hugs coming your way!


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## sierrams1123

Cried like a baby! I am so sorry for your lose, you are much stronger then me.


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## cowgirlup24

tempest said:


> One of my friends found this picture somewhere. I'm so sorry about what happened to Apache. *hugs*




Wow that picture is amazing! I wished we were able to bury him so that I would be able to go and visit his grave but since we live in town and had no where to bury him his body went to the rendering plant... Thanks everyone..  For a while there I actually thought I would never ride again,but thankfully I'm too stubborn to give up my love of horses so easily. The first couple rides were not easy though but I'm glad they weren't in a way. It took me a month or two before I got the nerve to think of getting another horse without having a panic attack. Whether it was fate or Apache's doing I got a gorgeous 2yr old grullo QH colt a few days after Christmas for free. I totally was not expecting to get a horse that soon but I had that same strong feeling that it was meant to be so I didn't hesitate too long to accept. So far I have not once regretted my decision..However my DH has commented to me that he has noticed that I am trying to keep an emotional distance from my new boy Wolf...Honestly I think he is right which makes me sad because I don't want to punish him so to speak for something that he had nothing to do with... Does that make sense? lol There are so many times where I don't feel strong  Apache seemed to not like it when I was sad so I try my hardest for him even though he is gone to be happy and not so dreary...


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## PintoTess

Really sorry ...:


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## redape49

Wow what a terrifying story ="( I'm so sorry you had to go though that. i couldn't imagine...lots of hugs to you (>-_-<)


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## Susan Crumrine

I am so sorry you and Apache had that terrible experience. It just goes to show how unpredictable life can be, and how we need to love and cherish the people and animals in our lives, it can all be over so quickly.
I am here for you if you need to talk.
I am grieving right now too, we put down one of our horses christmas eve, we had him for 19 years.
Wolf is beautiful, and he is waiting for a spot in your heart.


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## RoosHuman

I am so sorry for your loss... That is heartbreaking. He will be waiting for you in Heaven!


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## VanillaBean

I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine...I like to think that our horses are always with us still, especially when you gi to their favorite spots and you stop and talk out loud just like they are there.


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## NC Trail Rider

So sorry... I am crying with you....


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## LuckyRVT

I am so sorry. There are no words,for your story. I think we all are crying right beside you as we read this. Keep his good memories close to you and remember its ok to cry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## allisonjoy

it was very hard for me to read this, i knew it wasn't going to end well. but i did, and i am ever so sorry for your loss. idk if i would ever be able to handle such a situation. deepest sympathies for you and your horse. may God be with you and your beautiful horse.


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## SEAmom

There are no words that can express how sorry I am for everything you have gone through. Apache sounds like he was an absolutely amazing horse. I, along with most horse owners, long for those deep connections with our horses - and you, for one, had that. I can't even think of anything uplifting to say, but I'm very glad to hear that you have gotten back in the saddle. I hope you continue to heal and over time can gain a similar connection with your new colt and have many more years together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyboy

Oh my.... I, too, am so very sorry for your loss! I cannot imagine.... Hugs, love, compassion, and prayers for healing all sent your way, dear one. It seems weird to say "Thank you" for sharing your story but if telling it helps clear the darkness, helps to mend your heart in any way, then I am very glad you felt safe enough here to share.


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## Cacowgirl

I am so glad you have accepted another horse into your life. I understand when you talked about that emotional distance-I've done that before also. It will get better w/time, but sometimes the heart does cushion itself, & you may just relate on a different level. Praying for your healing & peace of mind. Hugs to you.


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## Horselover1215

Boy did this make me cry. I'm so sorry for your loss. Words can't describe the feeling of losing something so close to you. It feels as if your whole like is gone in a bink of an eye. A similar situation happened to a horse from the lesson barn I ride at. He spooked out on the trail and became paralyzed in his hind end. The whole barn was somber for two months. I give you credit for being this strong. My deepest sorrow to you. You will see him one day soon. RIP Apache. If you need anything else or some support feel free to send me a message  <3


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## jbolt

Just be thankful, horses have a tendency to try to take care of their rider especially if they have bonded. the voice you "heard" was your boy's every fiber screaming for you to jump. he took care of you to the end and that is all we can ask from our beasts. I'm sorry for your loss, and im glad you have gotten a new horse.


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## cowgirlup24

Thank you all.  Being able to share my story with you all has actually made me feel a lot better. It's nice to be able to tell it without fear of being made fun of.. I will admit that a part of me doesn't want the pain of his loss to stop hurting because the pain reminds me that it wasn't just a bad dream and he was real. Does that seem silly? I also again want to say thank you for letting my share this story. I have a long way to go before things will start to feel somewhat normal again,but I think Wolf will help me. If anyone doesn't mind I will share some background info on Apache. 

My DH got him for me as a birthday present 2yrs ago. It had been several years since I had a horse and here I ended up with a young gelding who was supposedly broke but turned out to be greener than grass. He bonded with me right away it seemed and while I knew he would be a lot of work I looked forward to it. Not long after purchasing him my DH had to go back to Iraq. Apache helped me keep occupied and within a short period of time and with a lot of work I was able to ride him in the round pen with no issues. Fast forward a couple months.. I leased him out to a lady who put more time on him under saddle and on the trail. Sadly it didn't work out well as she had a aggressive way of training horses and slowly I could see his spirit being broken. Within a few weeks I brought him back to where I was boarding him and in no time I could see his spirits lifting  For a while after coming back home we rode all over just us two. Unfortunately I didn't feel I was doing a good enough job with his training so I sent him to a trainer in the spring of 2011. The trainer fell in love with him and the 30 days flew by. I just couldn't wait to get him back and hit the trails. Oddly he had one major fault...He was absolutely terrified of deer. I had hoped that with more trail miles he would get over it. Due to weather I wasn't able to ride him for about a week after he came back from training. As soon as the weather was better I was out there and in the saddle as fast as possible. I was blessed with 2 amazing rides with him before the day of his passing. Apache taught me so much and I like to think that I taught him to trust again(previous owners were to put it mildly heavy handed with him). ♥


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## MangoRoX87

I am so sorry...reading that was extremely hard for me..I can't even start to think how shocking that is for you. *hugs*


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## Maple

God you have me in tears here... so so sorry for your loss


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## dirtroadangel

cowgirlup24 said:


> I have been wanting to tell the story of what happened the day my beloved Apache died for a little while now. Up until now I haven't been able to recall some of what happened..Was like it was so painful my mind just blocked it out. Tonight I was thinking about it and started to remember things that I wasn't able to not long ago. I'm the type of person that feels better after getting things out on paper or typing them in the computer so I did just that a bit ago and would like to share it all with you guys since you are horse lovers yourselves. Here I go.....
> 
> 
> 
> June 12th, 2011
> 
> The day started out with clear blue skies and warm sunshine.I woke up with a smile and couldn't wait to go out by Apache to go for a ride. So after going out to breakfast with my husband and children I hurriedly got dressed to go riding. My husband tried convincing me to stay home,but with a quick kiss and hug I was out the door. The closer I got to the barn the more it clouded up and I got this nagging feeling that something bad was going to happen. Shaking my head I tried to dismiss the odd haunting feeling,but it just wouldn't go away....
> 
> 
> Within a few minutes I was eagerly driving up the driveway of the ranch. Seeing Apache running up to the fence whinnying at me brought a huge smile to my face and soon as shut my car off I jumped out and jogged over to meet him. After giving his some kisses and pats I went and got his halter and brought him out to get him warmed up before our ride. As was our normal routine I brushed him down first and he stood there half asleep as I sang softly to him. With one ear towards me he lowered his head and sighed in contentment as I brushed the dirt off of him.. "Lord make me a rainbow,I'll shine down on my mother..She'll know I'm safe with you when she stnads under my colors..Oh and life ain't always what you think it ought to be..No,ain't even grey but she buries her baby..The sharp knife of a short life..Well I've had just enough time...If I die young,bury me in satin..Lay me down on a bed of roses..Sink me in the river,at dawn..Send me away with the words of a love song..The sharp knife of a short life..Well I've had just enough time...." I sang and he turned his head to softly nuzzle my arm. Dropping the brush I threw my arms around his neck and hugging him tightly I breathed in deep his wonderful horsey scent.
> 
> Looking up I noticed that it wasn't so nice and sunny anymore so I figured it would be best to get a move on so I could get some riding time in before it rained. Quickly I saddled Apache up and as I was warming him up on the lunge line the barn owner Walt came outside. Striding up to me with a big smile he asked, "Going for a ride?" to which I nodded and he replied, "Want some company?". "Sure" I said with a smile. Within no time he had his horse CoCo a big bay 4yr old gelding saddled and ready to go. Swinging into the saddle we set off down the driveway chatting about which trail we were going to take.
> 
> 
> The ride went so well. Apache was such a good boy and despite CoCo having a couple meltdowns,he remained calm and collected helping calm CoCo. We had been riding for about 2 hours and just turned onto the loop of trail that would take us back towards home when it started raining. Tilting my face up to the sky the raindrops felt cool and refreshing washing away the dust from the trail. Feeling a rush of giddyness I nudged Apache into a canter and giggling like a goof caught up with Walt. Shaking his head he laughed and when I slowed Apache to walk beside CoCo. Riding side by side on the dirt road we rode in silence for a little while until we came to to where the trail veered off of the road and into the woods. Neither Walt nor I were aware that not far up that trail there would be a terrible accident.....
> 
> 
> 
> Having never been on this trail I was speechless when we stepped from the light openness of the dirt road to the dense,gloomy but yet mysterious looking woods. Reminded me of a mystical forest I had seen in a movie once. I had to remind myself to stop gawking at the surroundings and concentrate on my horse. The trail wound around trees and around areas of soupy mud. Looking ahead I saw that trail would take us up a large hill.Leaning forward I gave Aache his head and he got us to the top without a wrong step. At the top I noticed that the trail was narrow up here only wide enough for horses to go single file so Apache and I took the lead. We went a little ways when I noticed a big doe standing in the middle of the trail ahead of us. All I could think of was "ugh great! Apache is terrified of deer and here is one right in our path". Didn't take long and Apache spotted the deer.He froze and was as still as a statue staring at the doe. Clucking to him and nudging him with my heel I got him moving so as he wouldn't have time to think about freaking out.Even still he was tense and was ready to jump out of his skin. Walt saw that he was about ready to explode so he told me to walk him back the way we came out of sight of the deer so that when Walt scared the deer off he wouldn't spaz. Calmly I turned Apache and got him to walk back the way we came. With my back to Walt I didn't see what happened next...
> 
> 
> All of a sudden I hear a shout followed by a thud of something hitting the ground. Apache jumped at the noise and started to take off down the trail. I quickly pulled one rein till his nose about touched my leg and got him stopped. I went to turn my head to see what happened when CoCo came thundering up riderless. That's all it took to spook Apache and he ripped the rein out of my hand and he took off running with CoCo as he ran by. By some miracle I held on,a helpless passenger as both horses went flying down the trail. The wind roaring in my ears I tried swallowing my terror hoping that if I was calm I could get Apache under control. Sadly that wasn't going to happen.
> 
> 
> We had went about 30-40 yards when I noticed that CoCo was crowding Apache off of the narrow trail and right towards a tree.Everything was happening in slow motion.It was then something told me to bail off. That feeling was so strong that I swear if I looked to my left I would see someone riding next to me.. I tried to stop Apache or at least get him to move over back onto the trail but he wouldn't. With CoCo running right beside Apache my only choice was to fall backwards and pray that my leg wasn't pinned between the two horses. Before I had the chance to look up again the urge and feeling that I had to bail NOW was so overwhelming it took my breath away for a second. Without thinking I bailed.....
> 
> 
> It felt like it took me forever to hit the ground when it was only a few seconds if that. I slammed into the ground hard and right as I hit the ground I heard a loud sickening CRACK! Rolling like a ragdoll thrown from a car I stopped and shakily tried to scramble to my feet. I stood up and turned around to find Apache laying on his side on the trail..Bright red blood running from his nose and he had his eyes closed. I lost it then. All I could do was scream, "No! Not my baby! God don't take my baby from me".. My arms outstretched towards Apache I sank to my knees and kept screaming those words over and over..... Walt came running up then and with a quick glance at Apache he grabbed ahold of my arms and stood me back up. His face full of worry he asked if I was ok but all I could do was repeat those words. Giving me a gentle shake he asked louder and more firmly if I was ok. That seemed to snap me out of my shock a bit for me to answer that nothing was broken but my back hurt really bad. Noticing then a hot liquid running down my arm I looked at my right arm and saw that a stick was sticking out by my elbow. Feeling numb I calmly pulled it out and tossed it to the ground. Cringing Walt turned away and knowing that I was ok for the most part he focused his attention on Apache.
> 
> 
> Working quickly Walt took off his tack except for his halter and lead that I had on him underneath his bridle. Handing me the lead he said that he was going to walk down the trail a little ways and see if he could find CoCo. Patting his pockets he cursed when he found his cell phone gone. Luckily I had mine in my pocket and to my relief it wasn't damaged from my fall so when he left to go look for CoCo I called his wife Arlene for help. After I got off the phone with her I called my husband and after not getting an answer I left a short message. With that done I just stood there staring down at my handsome boy all scraped up and bleeding. I kept fluxuating between feeling completely numb one minute and then the next about to lose my mind from the terror and shock of what happened.
> 
> 
> My heart about stopped beating when I saw that Apache was breathing funny. Every other time he would take a breath after he exhaled he would just stop breathing. I dropped to my knees and begged for God to help him and to not take him away from me. I prayed so hard that he would keep breathing that I didn't hear Walt walk up until he touched my arm. Blood was still running out of his nose and his one eye looked like it had been pushed in a bit but was now open even though he wasn't looking around. My husband called me back and after telling him the directions to where we were I hung up quickly as Walt wanted to try and moved him out of the dip in the trail. When I grabbed a hold of his front legs I felt right down to my soul that he wasn't going to make it. It had felt like I was grabbing a hold of a dead animals legs.. That feeling was so unsettling that I quickly let go and took a deep breath before I got hysterical again.
> 
> 
> Gathering all my courage and optomisim I told myself that he was not going to die and that we would get him off the trail and to the vet as soon as possible. As time went on my back hurt more and more.I ignored the pain as best I could but wasn't able to help Walt manuver Apache out of the dip in the trail so as we stood there waiting for his wife I squatted down and softly stroked Apaches face. Tracing his blaze with my fingers I told him to keep fighting for me,that I loved him so much and he was my good boy. At the sound of my voice his ears twitched in my direction and he struggled to get up. It about broke my heart to see him struggle to get to his feet to get to me. I moved around out of the way of his front hooves and stroked his neck trying to soothe him. He stopped struggling a moment after my hand touched him and layed his head back down.
> 
> 
> A half hour from the time we had called Walts wife went by before she was able to get to us. Arlene ran up to me and hugged me tightly before stepping back to look at Apache. Bending down she gave him some banamine hoping that it would help to alleviate some of his pain. About 3 minutes later my husband came into sight with two people that lived just up the road. Having my husband there Walt and him tried again to manuver Apache out of the dip and succeded. At this point the times where he stopped breathing were more frequent and lasted longer but the moment he heard my voice he fought so hard to get to his feet to get by me. Watching him I noticed that he wasn't using his hind legs at all. So Walt pulled out his pocket knife and poked his back legs with the tip to see if he reacted...He didn't. Arlene came to stand by me. We stood there in silence for a minute when I looked down and noticed that there was something sticking out of his chest.I looked at her and said,"It looks like his rib bone is poking out of his chest!". She shuddered and replied that there wasn't anything sticking out and its just a scrape.But I knew that it wasn't just a scrape..One of the people that had followed my husband to where we were,a woman, asked ," Should I get him some water? Do you think he would like that and drink it?"..I broke down then and collapsed to the ground.
> 
> 
> Giving me a hug my husband told me to go to the truck and get some water and to sit down for a minute before I passed out. I kneeled down by Apache gave him a kiss and said, "I love you so very much. You are my good boy. Please don't die..Please,please don't die. Don't leave me.. Apache I love you so much." With one final caress of his soft muzzle I stood,picked up all my tack and made the agonizing mile walk to the truck. I got to the truck and threw my stuff in the back. Shaking I opened the door and sat down on the seat. I called my dad to let him know what happened and as I was talking to Todd(my 2nd dad) I saw my husband slowly walking towards the truck. My heart sank and I hung up the phone. Slowly I walked towards him praying that it wasn't what I thought and feared....
> 
> 
> I stopped right in front of him and he held out his arms to me and just said, "Babe I am so sorry". At first it didn't register what he meant,but when it did I lost it. I screamed, "No! Not my baby..I want my baby back..He's not gone! I want him back." I cried so hard I almost got sick.I told my husband that I wanted to see him one last time and when he said no I tried to run past him but he grabbed me and just held me as I cried. I tried punching him in the ribs to get him to let me go but it didn't work. An hour after Apache struck the tree he passed away. We found out later that when he struck the tree he shattered his sternum and broke several ribs.One of his rib bones was pushed through his lung and his heart and had poked out the front of his chest.Proving that I was right when I commented on it to Arlene..
> 
> 
> Everyone is surprised that he lived as long as he did and they think he fought as long as he could for me. I am blessed to have walked away that day without any severe physical injuries.Thinking back on it I had bailed a split second before he hit the tree head on.Scares me to think of how easily I could have died that day too.Everyday I still deal with the mental and emotional ones. I would give anything to have my best friend,partner and heart horse back..I would give anything to have the memories of that day wiped clean from my mind too. Unfortunately that can't happen. So I take some comfort in knowing he is pain free now and that he is my furry guardian angel. I miss him so much that it hurts but I know that when it's my time to go he will be waiting at the rainbow bridge for me and together will make the journey to heaven.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I apologize if I was babbling nonsense at any point in the story.Its still hard to talk about it...Thank you for letting me share...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dirtroadangel

I am so sorry for your loss. God does seems to take the good ones.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cowgirlup24

dirtroadangel said:


> I am so sorry for your loss. God does seems to take the good ones.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yes he does but I believe there must be a good reason for it. Even if it hurts. When it was just me and Apache there on the trail(Walt had went to see if he could find his horse),I was looking at him laying there praying when a beam of sunlight broke through the clouds and shone right on him..In my head I thought to myself that it was God showing him the way to heaven...or something like that.Also after he passed the dark clouds disappeared and it was blue skies and sunshine....What do you guys think?


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## goingnowhere1

sorry for your loss.
a very touching sad story.
your are an amazing writer


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## cowgirlup07

I'm very sorry for your loss.. I've lost a few too (not in this way so I won't being to say "I understand". I think you are right, I think God was showing Apache the way. A light shined on my old mare Annie just before I had to shoot her. It was the hardest thing in the world to do.... My heart breaks for you and if you'd like to talk, feel free to message me! *hugs*


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## amp23

I could not even imagine going through that, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. He sounds like a great horse and he was loved for the years you had him. It's great that you have brought another horse into your life, and maybe soon you'll be able to fully open your heart to him without the worry of loss again. ((hugs)) I would love to see some pictures of Apache if you would like to share.


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## kayleeloveslaneandlana

Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I'm soooo sorry I can't even imagine! Hope things are getting a little better for you now. ( hugs!)


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## Icrazyaboutu

I can't even imagine what you must have gone through.. Just know that we are all on here because we love our horses and will always lend an ear or shoulder. I wish you the best and hope that you know if you need to talk, you can message me anytime


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## cowgirlup24

**pics of my Apache boy**

Thank you all for the support  I really appreciate it. The more I'm able to talk about what happened the less it hurts..Here are some of my favorite pics of Apache.I hope you guys enjoy them  


This pic was taken 2 days before the accident..strangely I was wearing the same clothes and hat on the day of the accident...




















On a trail ride










After a ride 










I took this picture not long after I got him and I just adore it 










These next pics were taken before he went for 30 days of training..


















Partners♥









my friends son and Apache


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## cowgirlup24

Wasn't sure all the pics would fit in one thread so I decided to start a new one for these pictures....About a couple weeks after the accident I gathered up the courage and walked out to where it had happened and took some pictures of the tree and the surrounding area. Some say its morbid but I needed to go out there and deal with the emotions of being in that area since I would most likely ride through that area and I thought it would be best if I dealt with the emotions on foot rather than when I was on horseback.... Here are the pics for those who are interested.....



Here is the tree he hit and the area where the bark is missing is where we think his head had hit the tree..oh and to the left of the tree can't see it but there is a sharp drop off:shock:






































In these next two pics you can see where he had lain on the trail..also it kind of gives you an idea of how narrow the trail is...


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## Country Woman

Cowgirl I am so sorry for your loss of your dear friend Apache 
It brought tears to my eyes too
By taking pictures of the accident sight brings closure to this 
my heart goes out to you and your family


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## amp23

He is very pretty, I love his fuzzies in a few of the pictures  It's great that you got the courage to visit the place again, and smart that you did it on foot. It's one more step to moving forward with your horsey life, which is what Apache would have wanted. I still cannot even imagine what you went through, but there is a reason you felt the need to bail off and that you're still here today! Give all your love to your new horse, Wolf, and enjoy your life


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## cowgirlup24

Thank you Country Woman and amp23  He taught me so much and I feel blessed to have had him in my life even if it was for a short period of time. I thank God every day that I bailed off and was able to come home to my 3 young children..My dad says that it probably was my Grandpa there with me and he urged me to jump. I am a person who believes in everything happens for a reason,however I still wonder what was the reason for that happening. My DH swears it was fate and Wolf was meant to come into my life when he did.  There has been a few times where after working with him I will just be standing in the pasture hanging out with him and the ache of missing Apache gets to be too much and I cry. Wolf will walk up to me,nuzzle my cheek and then put his head over my shoulder so I can throw my arms around his neck..He stands calmly and so still as I drench his neck with tears. I know you shouldn't put human emotions on horses but its like he senses that I'm upset and he tries to comfort me in his own way.


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## amp23

Animals do sense emotion, especially horses. I also believe everything happens for a reason, and your husband is probably right that it was fate for you to end up with Wolf. That's awesome that he's that "understanding" and will stand calmly for you to let out your emotion.. Some aren't that patient (like mine probably) lol. Do you have any pictures with Wolf?


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## Country Woman

I agree with amp23
animals do feel your emotions. My cat can sense when I am upset 
he comes up and snuggles when I need it

And I know horses feel emotion too


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## Prinella

I'm now bawling my eyes out just reading it, I can't imagine how you must feel! 

Wolf will never replace apache but eventually you'll form your own relationship
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cowgirlup24

Yeah I really lucked out in getting Wolf. He is so darn laid back and level headed. Especially for a stud. He prefers to be near me than hanging with his 36 yr old pasture mate Starski(gelding). lol Here is a couple pics of the handsome boy..







































To me Wolf has been my savior because I was quickly heading down a dark road of depression and he has given me something to reach for and look forward to...


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## amp23

He is adorable! The name Wolf really fits him. Having something to look forward to is definitely important. You are both lucky to have each other


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## Rachel1786

I'm so sorry for your loss, he was such a handsome guy, I was bawling after I read your story, I cannot imagine losing a horse that way. 

I love wolf, he reminds me of my old guy Blue, I have a soft spot for grulla's


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## lucky2008

I seriously balled my eyes out!!! Sorry for your loss he was gourgeous
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kamibear11

I am so sorry for your loss. Apache will be in my heart, no matter what.. Im so sorry


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## Shadow Puppet

I am so sorry this hapened to you and your horse I am crying right now I can't even imaine what it was like for you...


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## MissKriss

Im so sorry for your loss. You are such a brave person.. im bawling right now, i could only imagine the pain, strength, and love you felt and experienced. 
Im giving you cyber hugs right now!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kayella

Well this made me cry like a little baby at work. Just know he'll be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge. You are such a strong person to go through this, and share your experience with us.


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## karebear444

Wow, that made me cry... Sorry for your loss. He may be gone, but his memory will live on. HUGS:hug:


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## cowgirlup24

Thank you for all the support guys  I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders by sharing what happened with you all. I actually had a dream about him coming to visit me a while back and it inspired me to write this.... Hope you guys like it..

My Guardian Angel

As I lay here in the soft green grass and look up into the sky I can almost see you looking down on me.

Your hooves make no sound as you gallop on the clouds,your wings folded against your shimmering coat.

Head held high,eyes sparkling with joy and tail streaming out behind you as you run.

Leaping from cloud to cloud you make your descent towards the ground to where I lay.

Landing softly in the grass next to me,you lower your head and gently nuzzle my cheek.

Hot tears run down my cheeks as I run my hands over your crooked blaze and down onto your velvety nose.

I wrap my arms around your silky neck and just loose myself in the bliss of being with you again.

All too soon you raise your head and look up to the sky,as if you are being called back up to the heavens.

Reluctantly I let my hands drop from your neck and give you a farewell kiss on your warm nose.

With a last soft whinny and love filled look at me,you stretch your wings and with a leap fly up into the sky.

I smile through my tears as I watch you disappear into the clouds as I know you,my guardian angel, will be back to see me again.♥


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## karebear444

cowgirlup24 said:


> Thank you for all the support guys  I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders by sharing what happened with you all. I actually had a dream about him coming to visit me a while back and it inspired me to write this.... Hope you guys like it..
> 
> My Guardian Angel
> 
> As I lay here in the soft green grass and look up into the sky I can almost see you looking down on me.
> 
> Your hooves make no sound as you gallop on the clouds,your wings folded against your shimmering coat.
> 
> Head held high,eyes sparkling with joy and tail streaming out behind you as you run.
> 
> Leaping from cloud to cloud you make your descent towards the ground to where I lay.
> 
> Landing softly in the grass next to me,you lower your head and gently nuzzle my cheek.
> 
> Hot tears run down my cheeks as I run my hands over your crooked blaze and down onto your velvety nose.
> 
> I wrap my arms around your silky neck and just loose myself in the bliss of being with you again.
> 
> All too soon you raise your head and look up to the sky,as if you are being called back up to the heavens.
> 
> Reluctantly I let my hands drop from your neck and give you a farewell kiss on your warm nose.
> 
> With a last soft whinny and love filled look at me,you stretch your wings and with a leap fly up into the sky.
> 
> I smile through my tears as I watch you disappear into the clouds as I know you,my guardian angel, will be back to see me again.♥


That was beautiful


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## Cat

My husband is sitting next to me wondering why I'm blubbering like a baby right now. I'm so sorry for your loss but I'm happy to hear that you have a new partner to help you with the healing.


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## dirtroadangel

I am so sorry for your loss. On another thread For those we loved rode and lost. I find it comforting.
On sept. 21 08 I lost my appendix quarter horse Brady's Blaze yes named for my favorite quarterback.
He broke out of my pasture ran up the dirtroad went in neighbors front gate came upon a big cable attached to 2 posts, he could have gone around it. Instead he jumped it beneath it was a trench he flipped over and down he went completely destroyed his front leg. My boy had an old soul I know I'll see him again. He passed like the sweet gentle boy he was. I don't think you ever get over it, you just learn to live with it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dirtroadangel

Wolf is handsome what an appropiate name. good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreySorrel

Add me to sitting here crying! I cannot imagine what you are going through and went through on the days after...many hugs!! 

It is hard to explain to people who don't have that bond with an animal that when we loose them, that our grief often drops us to our knees, when it is traumatic that is even worse. It is much like loosing a family member....


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## tangled curls

oh this made me cry, its like losing a best friend


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## palominolover

Wow, what a way to lose a loved one. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## cowgirlup24

Thank you guys.. Like I have said before it's so nice to be able to share what happened with people who understand. I can't believe its been a year since the accident.Most of the time it seems like just yesterday. The more I work with Wolf the more I really think that someone somewhere(Apache) sent him to me so to speak. Yesterday I went out to the barn to work with him (and to be there for when the farrier came) I just stood there with my arms around his neck for a while...Being the sweetheart that he is,he stood quietly and turned his head to gently rub his muzzle on my back.. Makes me glad that I didn't give up riding


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## PaintedHeart

I'm very sorry for your loss, and I'm glad that you have Wolf to help you move forward.


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## queenie112

wow i dont think i could live after what happened you truly are a fighter just like Apache i know sorry wont bring him back but i am so sorry for everything you went threw you had a once in a lifetime bond with Apache!


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## maddisullivan

That's so horrible. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so sorry for your loss. <3


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## WickedNag

So very sorry for your loss...


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## AbsitVita

Cowgirl, I too have screamed those very same words, only it was when my 4 month old daughter died of Meningitis in 2003. You will survive, you will carry on, you will live again. But it will not be the same. There will be a deep pain in you that hovers over every moment of your life. There will be days of sunshine and laughter but the cloud of once was will hover in the distant horizon....I am speechless for your loss. My deepest heartfelt condolences go out to you.


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## ohmysem

I'm so sorry for your loss. The bond you two shared and still share is so beautiful and strong. <3
brought tears to my eyes also.
Again I'm so sorry


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## Horsesforu1104

I'm a seriously crying my eyes out I'm so very sorry about apache he sounds like he was an amazing horse I'm glad you didn't get hurt though. was your back okay? This had my mind entering a very fearful place with many fearful scenarios. AGAIN IM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOST!!! R.I.P Apache your in a better place.


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## Horseygirlsmith

I am so sorry for your loss, that is really tramatic. I am really crying my eyes out. That should never have to happen to anyone. SO SORRY! R.I.P. Apache. He is in a better place now, in the fields of heaven.


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## ThoroughbredJumper

This made me almost break down crying. A similar experience happened with me and my horse Gent, though he narrowly avoided the tree and jumped a river that was behind it. Im so so sorry for your loss... No one should have to watch their horse die, and especially not in that way...


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## horsecrazygirl13

tempest said:


> One of my friends found this picture somewhere. I'm so sorry about what happened to Apache. *hugs*


 What a beautiful picture. So sorry about your loss.


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## alexis rose

I read through all of the posts and I know it has been over a year now but I am also sorry for your loss. And I cried like a baby! (((HUGS)))


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## Barrelracer00

It'll be okay... I've had a trail horror story, too. PLEASE message me and we can talk, and if it makes you feel better I can tell you mine, too.


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## Endiku

I'm crying as I read this. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your Apache obviously loved you dearly, and you him. I wish you the very best healing and know that he is no longer in pain now, watching you over the rainbow bridge.


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## imhispunkin

Oh, this story brought me to tears...I am so very sorry for your loss.


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## Nokotaheaven

I just read your story... i am so sorry for your loss...... Makes me think of my mare I had. She was my bff, my soulmate. She was an Appy mare named Nellie. One time i went to turn her out and had my back turned, another more dominant horse came up and threatened to kick her if she didn't move because he wanted to see me, but of course I didn't see it. I felt the leadrope move a bit, so i pulled back lightly to tell her to stay. Next thing I knew she was kicked.... As it turns out when he threatened she placed herself directly between me and him to take the hit for me... He had steel shod hooves, and if she had moved he would have gotten me square in the back and probably torn me to ribbon..... I owe her my life for that...
Then 10 months after we got her I went to a friends for a sleepover instead of seeing her... The next day I got home my mother was crying and wrapped me in a tight hug... I've never seen her cry before, or even since... Then she told me Nellie was dead..... Turns out she had abdominal cancer... I wasn't allowed to go to the barn till her body was removed (though i desperately wanted to see her one more time), but I was told the cancer ate into a blood vessel and it eventually broke and my girl bled to death.... It hurts that the last day I could have spent with her I chose not to.... But I am thankful for the good memories, thankful that because of her I'm alive, and glad that she's not suffering anymore and is in heaven where I'll see her again one day...
But I know, a bond like that comes only once in a lifetime <3


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