# Babysitting Rides - Where Do You Draw the Line



## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

You go girl, for sticking up for yourself.

There are too many accidents with horses and riders that soak up 'nervousness' or 'tenseness' or any negative emotion of fear.

Now it's funny because I'm the one that usually needs a babysitter due to my inexperience and my horse's inexperience. Though I never not tell someone.. I'm always invited and it always end up very well. So I will give you the other perspective, at least in my case.


Now I love trail riding as much as anybody else, but I'll admit I am a nervous rider and I have a green horse who tends to be nervous by default. I always make sure to tell everyone (especially those that ask me on a trail ride) about my tendencies. 

The difference is I don't freak out if my horse freaks out. I control my emotions and therefore trails help us both to relax. I have trail ediquette. If someone's horse is misbehaving or refuses to go forward or they're too slow, I make sure to stop my horse and wait on them. I give my horse a nice loose rein, and when I get nervous I let everybody know. I'm very observant and I'm not jumpy, but if I feel like me being a part of the trail ride will create problems, I decline. I communicate with my group, and we always have a lot of fun. In fact people love going on trail rides with me, which is a great thing :wink:

Now all five times I've been out with my horse, he starts out a little jumpy but we both settle down and act better than most experienced pairs. He lets me open gates, we can go up and down hills, we can travel down roads, through water, around dogs (wow!) and he stops when I ask him to. He doesn't balk, and I'm not a train wreck. 

Eventually we won't need a babysitter as we both get more experience, but it's my responsibility to let those people know because there is a high probability that someone will get hurt. And it's all dandy andy until a horse bolts or rears or balks or someone takes off and the other horses are in a frenzy.

I do my part, as the one in need of babysitting, to ensure everyone has fun and everyone is safe. I wish others would do theirs!


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

JB I don't disagree at all with you.

This is supposed to be fun. People who just bring drama along for the ride, for whatever the reason, are not fun. So distancing yourself from them is the way to go.

Nothing to feel guilty about.

Depending on how much you like these people, you can be brutally honest about why you won't ride with them. Or not. It's your call since you know them.


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

I don't mind babysitting a novice rider once in a while. Once it stops being fun or I dread the thought of riding, then it's time to stop riding with them. Horses are my passion and have been for my whole life. They give me comfort and peace - if I hate to ride because of a novice rider, then that infringes on my time.

Once in a while, OK. Every time - just isn't going to happen.

I'm not concerned if they don't understand it.


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## mildot (Oct 18, 2011)

IMO there is a difference between an agreed-to ride with some novices to help them along and a person like this: "ones who think that just owning a horse makes them a "good rider," they know nothing of trail etiquette, they don't pay attention to what's going on around them, they don't steer or stop or control their horse in any way, and they're basically a danger to themselves and others"

Read more: http://www.horseforum.com/trail-riding/babysitting-rides-where-do-you-draw-121116/#ixzz1sxUND0JQ


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## phantomhorse13 (Feb 18, 2011)

JB, you have already been way more tolerant than I would have been.

Between upsetting your horse and yourself, sounds like a miserable experience all around. Why keep repeating it?

To me, 'babysitting' is helping a novice rider/horse _learn_; NOT being tortured by someone who thinks they know it all. I am happy to help someone who wants to improve.

I would not be going out with those people again.


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## Darrin (Jul 11, 2011)

Once riding with someone becomes a chore, it's time to change things up. Go ahead and talk it over with your friend, if he's smitten it probably wont change things but at least then he knows why you wont ride with him anymore.


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## phoenix (Jun 7, 2010)

I unfortunately have to agree with you, i wouldn't want to ride with someone who needs baby sitting. The folk at my barn obviously think the same thing as apparently i am that person and have been ditched when it comes to trail riding. 

I'm a fairly good rider but my horse is Mr. issues. The last ride out we took my horse acted like a fool on the hills, he bucked, he reared and was generally just a pain, hell even i don't want to ride with him. 

I say if the horse/rider combo you're out with is constantly upsetting your rides, ditch them. If the rider was considerate they would get help from a trainer, which is what i'm going to do, and not go out with other trail riders until they were better prepared.

This person and her friend can go out and ride together and have a spooky time, you go out and have fun with your horse.


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## RhondaLynn (Jan 26, 2010)

I use to babysit and I also use to let others ride my horse. Now I refuse to let anyone but myself, hubby and daughter ride our horses. I also don't like to ride with anyone who cannot take care of themselves.. I don't mind helping but refuse to babysit anymore!

At least untill grandchildren need babysitting.. then I will be happy to do it!! Looking forward to it in fact!!!


JB-I agree with everything you wrote!

Rhonda


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## Jolly Badger (Oct 26, 2009)

Thanks for the responses!

Skys - I think you're the kind of "beginner rider" that I'd have no problem riding with.:wink: Everyone (and every horse) starts somewhere, and it sounds like you've found a good group of understanding riders who have kind of taken you "under their wing" to give you a safe and fun way to build up some confidence. There's a lot to learn, and most of it you just _have_ to learn-by-doing. It can't be picked up by reading a book or watching a video or even practicing in an arena. The confidence comes from succeeding at something you're not sure you could do.

As far as my friend, he will actually turn down offers to go on rides with other people unless the "scary rider" is coming. And, of course, if she comes along she brings the drama with her. Actually, I think he's a bit smitten with her, which sounds cute and romantic and all except that in this case it's just not fun and even the horses end up stressed. 

A couple of weeks ago, he was out of town and he allowed a mutual friend to borrow his horse for a trail ride. The mutual friend has ridden that horse many times before and done well with him, but she said the horse is "totally changed" now. . .he's like a rubber band that is stretched thin and feels ready to *snap* at any given moment. 

And now I'm getting word that there have been some "incidents" on their trail rides that could have turned into a serious situation if someone had been injured. So, you have the more-experienced rider on a wound-up mental mess of a horse, and an inexperienced rider on a younger horse that knows just enough to know how to intimidate her rider and get away with naughty behavior.

:shock:

You see where I'm going with this, right?:-|


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

To me the big thing with novice riders is their attitude. There seems to be three main ones:
1."I don't know much but I want to learn", 
2."I know everything" 
3."everything else(horses, people, weather, etc) are at fault for my problems, it cant possibly have anything to do with me." 

The last two are incredibly frustrating to work with. People need to accept that probably 95% of horse problems are made or encouraged by their owners, and can be solved if they would just wake up to that realization.

Dont envy your situation at all, I totally agree with your decision not to ride.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Speak up. Get your friend to start talking. Sometimes getting things out in the open is the best way for them to actually see what is going on. Keep in mind they are likely talking to others and saying - this person I ride with keeps upsetting my horse. Same issue - different point of view.

Could be this is the wrong horse, they may need lessons or confidence building. Maybe had a bad wreck and the memory won't go away.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Haha good to know, I really am fun to trail ride with. Especially when it comes to gate opening. I unlatch it, Sky uses his nose to fling it open (if I give him the signal) and then we both wait outside for people to pass through. They can graze his backside and he doesn't even flinch. One trail ride we had a 3 year old snacking on his tail and Sky didn't mind.

But I agree, talk to him and then talk with her. You don't have to.. but if you want to get down to being able to ride with your friend again then it may be worth a shot. But of course, don't give up your own enjoyment and safety.



Jolly Badger said:


> Thanks for the responses!
> 
> Skys - I think you're the kind of "beginner rider" that I'd have no problem riding with.:wink: Everyone (and every horse) starts somewhere, and it sounds like you've found a good group of understanding riders who have kind of taken you "under their wing" to give you a safe and fun way to build up some confidence. There's a lot to learn, and most of it you just _have_ to learn-by-doing. It can't be picked up by reading a book or watching a video or even practicing in an arena. The confidence comes from succeeding at something you're not sure you could do.
> 
> ...


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## dee (Jul 30, 2009)

Like Skys, I'm usually the one that needs "babysitting." I'm a re-beginning rider, and far from fearless. However...I live in terror of not being asked to ride again. My first time out in years was last June, and up until the very end of my ride, it was the best day of my life...so to speak. My mare was an angel...until she got tired. Then she started getting ****y. No biggy. I didn't ask anyone to cut short their ride - though daughter did volunteer. Had I known that the main rest area was only a couple of hundred yards further, I'd have tried a little harder to push on. As it was, I started leading Dancer back to the trail head. After she had rested a while, and the rest of the group caught back up with us, I figured I'd try to remount. 

Big mistake. A FAT OLD WOMAN SHOULD *NEVER* USE AN UNDERCUT RAVINE AS A MOUNTING BLOCK!!!!! Right in front of everyone, the ground gave way beneath me as I was about to step over into the saddle. Wound up on the ground underneath Dancer. I heard the bone in my foot snap, and the bones in my other knee grinding. Not a pleasant sound. But...I managed not to scream or cry...in fact, I was so embarrased I couldn't stop laughing. 

At any rate, I was afraid I had ruined things for everyone, and they would not want me to ride with them anymore. Turns out, I've had a couple of calls recently wanting me to ride with the same group again. 

I don't complain or blame anyone else for my mare's mistakes...or my own. I'm out to have a good time, and I can't have a good time if I let myself be scared, can I?

I have a good horse, even though she's a novice to the trails. I trust her. And I am so glad that I have friends that are willing to put up with my ignorance and lack of experience, and I for sure will try not to let them down. One thing I hope I never do, is make them unwilling to ride with me!


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## Spirit Lifter (Apr 23, 2012)

We have BlueSparks rider number 3 at our barn. First time out with green rider and green broke horse (I didn't know that). Her horse rammed in flight twice into my horse and reared once almost landing on my horse. I just kindly told her that until she could work out the kinks, I wouldn't ride with her or her horse. She understood and it prompted her to get some training so she wouldn't be left behind forever. So it ended well.


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## traildancer (Oct 27, 2010)

Sometimes if you tell the person what kind of ride you will be doing, they back out on their own.


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## dee (Jul 30, 2009)

Exactly. Daughter and her friends often go on "zippy" rides. They ride paso finos, and just zip along. I don't go on those because I'm not interested in a lot of speed...


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## HagonNag (Jul 17, 2010)

iridehorses said:


> I don't mind babysitting a novice rider once in a while. Once it stops being fun or I dread the thought of riding, then it's time to stop riding with them. Horses are my passion and have been for my whole life. They give me comfort and peace - if I hate to ride because of a novice rider, then that infringes on my time.
> 
> Once in a while, OK. Every time - just isn't going to happen.
> 
> I'm not concerned if they don't understand it.


Iridehorses is being WAY too nice. He puts up with me and I am a really curious blend of brave and chicken. And I can be very verbally chicken!! 
It's a good thing he and my husband get to ride without me when I have to work or they would both be sick of me!  LOL


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

I think you answered this yourself--you DISTANCE yourself from them.
DH and I are pretty much retired now from CW. When it was at it's peak, I had a string of very well mannered horses, pretty fearless, very dependable and safe. Even then, we found ourselves on the field with some dangerous men, made even MORE dangerous bc they carried a pistol (dangerous when loaded) and a saber (ALWAYS loaded.)
Now, as in the pleasure horse industry, there are more and more reenactors who take untrained horses to events and are accidents waiting to happen. Even now, we just go to the 1st day of a local event bc our friend gets his park permission bc of a 5th grader program, where local school bus them in and they rotate to 11 stations. After that, we load up and trailer home. No battles, no bad horses or owners to contend with.
Two of my horses aren't finished, but they are rideable, don't rear, buck or bolt. I intend to make very good trail-riding animals out of them, to match my finished "babysitter" mare, and I see my big guy as a future babysitter, like my babysitter QH, "Ro Go Bar", (1982-2009, RIP).
Once you get a horse to that point you really have to protect them from fools. I am very picky about who handles and rides any of my horses now and I am picky about who is riding with us.


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## horselver1979 (Feb 14, 2011)

Ugh I hate babysitting "friends" and dont do it anymore...unless I can have them ride at the house for a few rides to evaluatethem and they do all the work. They tend to shy away..dont know why? I mean when they leave, my saddles are cleaned, stalls mucked out horses groomed and fed. *Shrugs...dont know why they dont come back????

But when they do....I know they want to learn, and maybe become my riding buddy in the future??? Its up to them. Horses are a luxury...nothing is free at this farm. You ride you will work.


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## Jolly Badger (Oct 26, 2009)

horselver1979 said:


> Ugh I hate babysitting "friends" and dont do it anymore...unless I can have them ride at the house for a few rides to evaluatethem and they do all the work. They tend to shy away..dont know why? I mean when they leave, my saddles are cleaned, stalls mucked out horses groomed and fed. *Shrugs...dont know why they dont come back????
> 
> But when they do....I know they want to learn, and maybe become my riding buddy in the future??? Its up to them. Horses are a luxury...nothing is free at this farm. You ride you will work.


I like the idea of making them "earn" their riding time; if the person intended to ride my horse, especially on a regular basis, I would expect some kind of help from them in return.

However, when someone has their own mount but they just have no real experience, their horse is just as inexperienced, and they THINK they are a good rider. . .it's trouble.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

I'm a lot like Iride. I enjoy doing it occasionally with a novice that actually wants to learn, but all the time gets really old...fast.

Part of my problem, I know, is it was my job to babysit my 2 younger, non-horsey cousins whenever they would come visit. One of them was 2 years younger and the other was 4 years younger. Don't get me wrong, I loved them then and still do, but to be _required_ to take them riding and spend every waking moment doing exactly what _they_ wanted to do the entire time they were here got old in a hurry, especially considering I was still very young too.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

AHHH....was just dealing with same sort of thing two weekends ago.

And they are talking about going on trail ride with "Good Time Charlies" which is apparently a bar? That has trail rides?

Saw pictures or 3 pictures, and too many people, and varying degrees of skill it appears?

And looked like one was holding beer?

Glad to see this, as sometimes I think I am just old fuddy duddy, but I just don't like morons.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

I used to allow a lot of beginners to ride with me. It can ruin the ride. It can also introduce somebody to riding that turns out to love it. Basically I think the problem is one of riding with people who are fun and not annoying. I really don't drag beginners out much any more. My riding time is limited and I don't want to waste it. 

Another thing that I worry about is liability. Georgia state laws protect you against liability to a point, but if a lawyer can say that you were negligent some way, you can still get sued.


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

For the past 8 years I've been nothing but a babysitter! I've only ridden with my Husband and kid, both I've taught to ride and had to train/finish their horses. Course they ride like me, have horses trained by me, and I'm trail boss so who can argue with that!?! LOL!
Last good ride with a friend was months ago but I was putting trail miles on her green horses so that wasn't relaxing at all. It's her turn to haul her butt down here so I can get in a good ride without worrying about a newbie/greenie.

Worst ride I ever had was with my ex SIL who's been riding since she was a baby and she's supposedly a horse guru/expert. After dealing with her excuses and terribly behaved mare (who was supposedly "PRICELESS"), dragging her through tricky areas, and listening to her constant banter about how great her mare was as she was almost getting thrown... I left her. 
To this day my MIL is still Po'ed about it but I'd do it again in a heartbeat.


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