# New horse and we just don't click...



## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

Hey there, it took me quite a while to think my problem through by myself but I've come to the conclusion that I need to hear other opinions. So here it goes:

I've bought my new horse (gelding, 12 years old) on Aug 20 and so I've had his just over 2 months. He was with the former owner for a little over 2 years. I went and test-rode him 3 times and everything went well. He was well behaved and seemed to like contact to humans. He was friendly and responsive and attentive. 

To say the least, ever since I got him home - he changed. He's spooky to no end, has an attitude (trying to bite when girthing up), seems to be indifferent to me and riding is a nightmare. He spooks, parks and tests me in any other way possible. 

After about 2 weeks, I got him ready, mounted and he started spinning and jumping around, with the end result of me being thrown off and stepped on (yep, I still have a large swelling on my thigh). Although I can write this incident off as an accident, it's his general attitude I am worried about. No way in hell would he come to the gate when I get there and he's just such a snob! He doesn't want to be petted, hates the dogs and just full on rejects me. 

I have had his saddle fitted, am a rider with light hands and have even switched to Westen because I thought me might like that better - well, nothing really changes in his attitude. 

I do a lot of groundwork with him, tried to establish respect and trust, walk him around endlessly before I mount and show him potential "threats". 

I'm getting to a point where I consider selling him again but that would feel like giving up. 

Any thoughts?


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Do you have him with other horses? If not, that could definitely account for his attitude. Horses don't do well living alone.

Even if he's with other horses, he's not yet familiar with his new home and owner. I generally give my guys several months to settle in before I ask too much of them under saddle.


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

No, he's not alone, I'd never to that to any creature! He was with two other geldings at first but they picked on him a bit too much for my taste, so now he lives with a 2-year-old filly and can "talk" to 3 others across the fence. And he's outside all day and night, just like he was used to it at his previous owner's place. 

I don't ask for much, I promise, all I want is for him not to kill me...


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Okay, good. I had to ask, because some folks think it's just grand if they buy a horse and stick it out by itself, then wonder why it's turned into a nervous mess!

I'd give him a little more time. 2 months is really not that long, and some horses just don't settle as quickly as others.


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

I'm sure you have a point, but it saddens me a lot to have the feeling that my new "baby" rejects me... And also, I'm getting to a point where I'm scared to ride him because he's such a nervous mess... And by riding, we mean hacking out for a half hour or 15 mins w/t/c in the arena... So it's not like I'm making him run a marathon.


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## luv my horse hinke (Aug 7, 2012)

have you thought about joining up to earn his trust?


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

Lack of round pen kinda prevents that from happening. Plus, I truthfully don't really 100% know how to do it and that might be causing more problems than solving them...


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## Jore (Dec 4, 2010)

I agree with Speed Racer. I had test ridden my mare twice, and she was pretty well-behaved.. compared to her first day home. I spent our first week just walking and getting her to not trot off on me. Now that she's settled in, things are going much better and all my doubt has disappeared completely.


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

I sure hope you guys are right... It's frustrating when you try your best and make it as easy as possible for the horse and all you get back is a massive swelling and teeth coming your way...


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## lilruffian (Jun 28, 2010)

Horses are very suspetible to people, places and changes. the slightest different in routine or environment and just throw some horses off and contrary to what some people out there think, horses do not "act scared" or spook for no reason other than to upset their rider. If he doesn't want to cooperate he just wont or he'd buck you off and be done with it.
What it sounds like to me is a huge confidence issue. He is not comforable with the enviroment and certainly does not see you as a trustworthy leader. It is purely a safety issue in his mind and you do not make him feel safe.

That being said, do not let this upset you! He does not mean to hurt your feelings and just because he does not want to be around you does not mean he hates you, just that you have nothing to offer him in his eyes.
My old mare was like this when i first got her, for the first several years.
Only now that i have stopped riding her as often as i used to and spending time/playing with her more has she come around.
She never used to like being brushed either and now she pushes the other horse out of the way to be brushed.
(also, just a tip - the lead horse in the herd initiates grooming, not the lower members so it may be a respect issue as well in that cercumstance that he feels you do not have the right to groom him)

This took time and alot of ground work. Just go out and spend time with him. If you catch him, just do ground exercises and take him out to graze. Do alot of respect and confidence building exercises like circles, yielding his hind & forehand in both directions, bending at the neck, backing up from direct pressure (pushing on the halter) and driving/rhythmic (wiggling the rope or any other motion to get him to back away from you) then have him come back to you.

Just get him used to you, ropes, sticks, saddles, tarps, anything at all. It may not seem like alot but every little bit helps in getting him to trust and respect you as a true leader, not a boss.


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## lilruffian (Jun 28, 2010)

Oh, and as for biting when cinching, a good trick is to have your elbow to him so that if he turns to nip you just bump your elbow up and knock him in the nose.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

be careful also to not project human feelings onto him. I had a mare I bought, the first ride she bucked me off, after the old owner told me she never bucked. I went back to groundwork, and in the end we had an amazing bond.

I would shrug off the bad attitude, and approach this as a learning opportunity to better your skills. Find new ways to be a leader, new safe excercises to do, and dont let him showing a little attitude get you down. Its a new environment and he is likely insecure and now testing you to see where he stands.


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

lilruffian said:


> Just go out and spend time with him. If you catch him, just do ground exercises and take him out to graze. Do alot of respect and confidence building exercises like circles, yielding his hind & forehand in both directions, bending at the neck, backing up from direct pressure (pushing on the halter) and driving/rhythmic (wiggling the rope or any other motion to get him to back away from you) then have him come back to you.
> 
> Just get him used to you, ropes, sticks, saddles, tarps, anything at all. It may not seem like alot but every little bit helps in getting him to trust and respect you as a true leader, not a boss.


I go there just to "hang out" several times a week. And I try to do it differently all the time. Just catch and release one day, then grazing another, then groundwork, just grooming, "desensitizing" with tarps, carrot stick, allowing him to meet the dogs when they are on leash (so they don't jump and stuff), sometimes I just sit on the fence and watch them play. 

I don't assume he spooks to pee me off, what I'm saying is that it's one of the symptoms of his weird behaviour. 
I absolutely don't over work him at all, he's never been sweaty yet... 

I'm worried I'm doing something wrong or he'll never come around. Which would be sad. On top of everything, winter is coming and it will be increasingly difficult to spend loads of time with him (no arena, neither in nor really outdoor). How do you built a relationship at 35 below in a blizzard?


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## LikeIke17 (Mar 18, 2011)

Okay, I'm jumping in  and some people are probably going to disagree with me.

Sometimes, things just don't work. I bought this nice Appy several years ago and I tried him out twice and LOVED him. He was amazing. Brought him home and things completely fell apart. It was really bad. I mean like he dragged me down the aisle way if he didn't want to do anything, refused to load in the trailer, ground work was a mess. Riding was actually the better part! He didn't try to hurt me and was awesome under saddle. But I will tell you what, I grew to despise that horse. I quit riding I disliked him so much. 

My point is, sometimes, it's just not meant to be. I worked with that Appy. A LOT. I spent time with him, worked him, was nice, would be firm, blah blah blah. And nothing came out of it. I just started to resent him. It wasn't really my fault or his fault. We just didn't work.

So I guess I'm saying if you're having problems and you've done your VERY VERY best to work through it and you still can't get there, maybe it's time to reconsider. I had that horse for about a year and a half and it never really changed. That's when I knew. And you will too. 

Now understand, I am NOT telling you to give up. Go for it, do everything in your power to do what you can. But please don't feel bad if you decide he's not right. I didn't want to give up on my Appy. I worked hard for a year and a half on him. But sometimes, enough is enough, and I'd had enough 

Good luck with whatever you do.  You sound like a responsible person who will make the best choice!


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## lilruffian (Jun 28, 2010)

LikeIke17 said:


> Okay, I'm jumping in  and some people are probably going to disagree with me.
> 
> Sometimes, things just don't work. I bought this nice Appy several years ago and I tried him out twice and LOVED him. He was amazing. Brought him home and things completely fell apart. It was really bad. I mean like he dragged me down the aisle way if he didn't want to do anything, refused to load in the trailer, ground work was a mess. Riding was actually the better part! He didn't try to hurt me and was awesome under saddle. But I will tell you what, I grew to despise that horse. I quit riding I disliked him so much.
> 
> ...


 I don't disagree with you, however it is always possible to get through to a horse but it may just take a certain person and situation.
He may not work out for you but i would try and give it a fair try. Just remember that if you sell this horse you will have to show him off and if his behavior is super bad you will probably not get your money back from him if you cannot prove he is worth it (in other words make him as convincing a good buy as he was to you when you bought him).


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

LikeIke17 said:


> So I guess I'm saying if you're having problems and you've done your VERY VERY best to work through it and you still can't get there, maybe it's time to reconsider. I had that horse for about a year and a half and it never really changed. That's when I knew. And you will too.


That's my only hope at this point! I will surely give it my best try and I kinda told myself he'll have till next summer, so altogether a year to either keep resenting me or come around. 

And of course I've entertained the thought that I might just not be the person for him but we both deserve a real chance. 
I'm just very down at the moment and it's good tohear that I'm not the only one who has been in this kind of situation - and also that it's ok in case I were to decide to sell him at some point.


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## PunksTank (Jul 8, 2012)

Sounds to me like you're having a tough time with a rough horse. 
Sounds like it's time to have a nothing day. I got my pony as a companion for my mare when we moved to our new home, I picked this pony because he was the one living in the two stall barn with her at our previous home, which was also a horse rescue and he couldn't be adopted out to anyone besides someone who worked at the rescue due to a foster-gone-wrong giving him a criminal record. So he was really just a 'cause it worked' type situation, not cause he was special. When I took him home we didn't get along very well, he was pushy and rude and pulled when being led - just generally a grouch.
For the first week I took an intimidating "I must be in charge and show him who's boss" type attitude. This was met with a more violent, aggressive pony. We were really beginning to hate each other. 
So I decided to take him for a long, long walk. I walked him out back through the neighbor's hay field and brought my sketch book, parked my bum in a shadey spot and just started to draw him. He stayed around me, grazing, on a lead of course, but he never let it get taught. I stayed there for a good few hours before we returned home, he had actually stopped and took a short nap by me for a while. The next day I heard music playing, it was an icecream truck! Playing on the other side of the hay field, I haven't been to an ice cream truck since I was a kid. So I grabbed my pony and we ran across the field as fast as we could. We found some kids who had gotten ice cream, they each pat him and pointed us to where the next stop for the truck was, we ran and ran. We pretty much ran all around the town until we realized the truck was a goner. When we came back home and I put him away I realized how much I really loved this pony. He's still a brat fairly often, he's much better behaved and doesn't pull or fight. 
I ended up using clicker training to teach him all sorts of fun tricks and skills and games, he'll play fetch with my Fiance now too 
He's become a staple in our family. 

Your horse will still need training and work to make him good. But I think you two will both benefit from a day where you just enjoy each others company and demand nothing from each other. Get your favorite book or a sketch book if you draw, sit in your horses paddock and just enjoy the day. He may only pay attention to you for a short while, but it's just about being together. Spend some time just grooming him in his field, don't fuss over manners unless he's excessively rude. You can always train tomorrow, spend some time _enjoying your horse_. That's something we all, so often, forget.

I'd love some pics of your horse 

The moment I fell in love with my dirtbag pony:


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

You definitely have a point, and I love just hanging out and watching him and the others in their pasture. 
It just hurts me (and yes, guilty of projecting human emotions) that he seems to completely reject me. It's almost like I wasn't even there. And this got worse over the past 10 weeks, not better. 
And at some point, fact is as well that I bought him to be able to ride him and I wish I could do that without fearing his spookiness. 
I do want to give him time and don't expect him to "function" but shouldn't it go up at some point and not down, down, down? I'd be so happy with a hint of improvement even...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QuietHeartHorses (Jul 31, 2012)

When I first got my horse, I had a similar issue. 

I got him from the BO at an eventing barn where I worked for riding time. He was one of her lesson horses that didn't get ridden much, so it just worked out for me to ride him for her. She retrains OTTBs so she was always bringing in new horses and Riley had kind of fallen to the bottom of her list. She loved the way I worked with him, so she offered to give him to me and I didn't even hesitate to say yes. He was very sweet, very willing, and he always had a great attitude. 

Until I moved him...

He became a wreck. He didn't respond to me at all, never paid attention to me, and basically acted like I wasn't even there most of the time. His main concern was food and other horses. I thought I could win him back over with love and treats, but that just made me the treat lady. When I didn't have treats, I was just an annoyance. He started becoming quite the bully and on special occasions, he would even drag me around or try to run me over.

I became so distraught, I even called the lady I got him from and broke down crying on the phone. I considered giving him back, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I just felt like a failure. I had been riding horses since I was a kid, I've dealt with some pretty big issues and came out unscathed on the other side, but for some reason I was crushed by Riley's behavior. 

I will shamefully admit to losing it a few times with him. I never did anything totally uncalled for, but there might have been better ways to deal with him. He tried to run me over once to get back through the gate to the other horses, and I snapped. He hurt my feelings, he almost hurt my body, and I was just so sick of it. I didn't hurt him, but I took him to the round pen and ran him and yelled at him until he was exhausted. It was somewhat effective, he learned that I wasn't messing around with him anymore and he stopped being such a bully. But I DO NOT recommend this method. There are better ways to achieve trust and respect!

It took a HEAVY dose of reality and a few weeks of horse behavior education to straighten me out. I had to back up and pretty much start over with him. He wasn't trusting or respecting me, I wasn't being the leader he needed, and our relationship was pretty much non-existent. At the old barn, he was comfortable. He was used to being the lesson horse, but he had his routine, his buddies, and a nice cozy stall at the end of the day. I took him away from everything he knew and expected him to be the same. I was wrong.

I read into natural horsemanship and started using those techniques. The number one thing they stress is patience. Patience, patience, patience. And it couldn't be more true. You really have to make an effort to learn how your horse thinks and how they communicate. Learn about their body language, too. Horses communicate through very subtle cues. The other biggie is... and it's hard to accept... but horses do not, and will not love us like we love them. They can decide to respect us and then seek out our approval and affection, but they don't have the same feelings and emotions that we do. Once you can grasp that and not cry when your baby snuffs you, then you can start making progress.

I really suggest reading up on this stuff. Natural horsemanship gets a lot of mixed reviews. I don't follow it like a religion, but I do reference it from time to time. All of the big name trainers (Anderson, Parelli, Brannaman, etc) have their own style, but they all have the same basic philosophy. Horses are horses, they will always be horses, they will never try to be like us. WE have to learn how to communicate with THEM. 

I have the best relationship with my horse now, and I understand all horses better because of what I have learned from natural horsemanship. I still treat Riley like my baby, but when he doesn't share in my emotional enthusiasm, at least I know it's not personal! 

I really hope that my experience is helpful for you. I know how heartbreaking it feels to have your baby be so distant. It gets better, I promise. Just spend a lot of low key time with him, learn what makes him tick, learn how to talk to him in ways that he understands. You guys will be a perfect pair in no time.


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## PunksTank (Jul 8, 2012)

Is there a way you can put him in a field alone, but bordering the other horses? So essentially just take his one companion out but he can still see/touch the other horses?
I'd do that and sit in with him for a good day or so. He'll come around, right now you're just the person who comes in and makes him do stuff, but your supposed to be his partner. Spend time with him just fussing with him loose, if he walks away, let him, then go back in a few minutes. Spend time doing something else in his field. I'd personally look into clicker training for him, just because it's so greatly improved my bond with my pony and has fixed my _very_ fearful mare, turned her into a ride-able horse!

When I got her I could march her through all her ground work exercises - she'd perform them like an expert, but nothing in the world could get her to leave her paddock. Not a bucket of grain, her favorite pony, not being chased out with a stick or being forced to do high speed ground work, lunging for respect _nothing_ got her to walk out her gate. When we moved I thought the problem would be fixed by the new environment, I was sadly mistaken, it was made worse. Now I couldn't even get her to do her typical ground work exercises, she was even afraid of parts of her own paddock! She wouldn't go to the far side near the gate at all!
After 2 weeks of clicker training I got her walking not just out of her paddock but all around my property and once I have a friend to go with me we'll venture off property with her and the pony. 

CT has also seriously changed both of their attitudes towards me, while previously they saw me as "the boss" who came and made them do stuff, now they think they've got me trained! They think "I just have to do ____ and she gives me food! What a silly human". They greet me excitedly, follow me everywhere I go food or not, when they know it's time to train (when I have my cup) they get _so_ excited, practically dancing in place looking to figure out what new game we're gonna play today.

Of course how you CT is important, you don't want to get a pushy, aggressive horse. You also want to be sure you're reinforcing the appropriate behavior. But I find it's a very fun way to enjoy my horses and have them enjoy me. It's fantastic for mounted work as well. My mare had never been backed before me, with CT I was confident and so was she in knowing exactly what she did right. When she stood calmly for me to lean over her she got a C/T, when she stood calmly for me to get on C/T, when she walked when I squeezed C/T and so on 

Here are some videos I used to learn clicker training:
Video 1
There are 3 videos, getting started, ground work and mounted work. That same woman has a blog on how to teach pretty much any skill you could imagine for a horse to do! It's pretty fantastic. 
My pony has just learned how to get his halter off the hook and give it to me xD

I really hope some of this will be useful for you  But to be honest, there are some horses I just won't ever love - I can "love" all horses, but not all will be special. Try it all, give it time, but don't feel bad if you aren't in love. If you love him, but hate his problems, that's just work - but if you don't love him, he's not for you.

ETA: After reading Quiet's post, who must have posted at the same time as me  I so understand what you're saying about being a "treat machine". Many horses when they first move really miss their friends, they have a lot they need to work out. Imagine you moving homes, you have a new family, new friends, new school, new teachers, only 1 person is the same. You're going to completely ignore that one person when they need something from you, until you've completely sorted out everything that's new, the old you already know how to deal with, the new needs to be focused on. So the horse is overwhelmed with the change, the loss, and the new. At the same time they Need to still be good! NH ground work is a great way to help repair these issues. But it sounds like the OP has already been using a good number of ground work methods that haven't worked. Like with my mare, she behaved perfectly when the situation was ideal, but otherwise seemed to be too overwhelmed with fear to even know I existed. CT really fixed that, it got her attention back on to me and off all the 'scary' things in the world. Yes you are a treat machine, but there are clear skills the horse needs to perform in order to get the treat. My mare was afraid of my car when we walked by it, so she got a C/T whenever she approached me, leaning on the car. Now she'll walk by the car without any fuss. CT is a great way to rebuild the horse's positive association to you, but the rules need to be followed.
My horses never get a treat without performing the skill I ask, the treats are always handed under their chin so they need to back up to get it. This helps reaffirm the aspect of personal space. NO food will ever be given for space invasion or for lack of attention. If she's not in the mood to pay attention- me and the food leave. They quickly learn their attention should be on you. If she's took focused on the food that day we spend time working on 'leave it' where she needs to look away to get the treat. The videos I posted explain is far better than I can  But I see where you're coming from!!


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

You're not just hanging out if you do something with him. Hanging out means just that, doing nothing. Get comfy and read a magazine and don't even think about him or where he is at the moment. He can tell if you are planning something that involves him. If you were fixing fence, the horses would be pests because you are thinking about fixing the fence. Hang out for a week, then start following him, not to chase him, just follow. After a while he'll turn and watch you with both eyes. Walk away. Do that for three or four days. After that extend your hand to greet him, fingers down. Turn your body so you left shoulder is farther away than your right and look at his knees, not his eyes. If he touches your hand look away and walk away. This is building trust. In the meantime he is not seeing you as leader and he's defending his position to the max. Always carry a riding crop in your back pocket, in case. Should he get aggressive don't be afraid to hit him as hard as you can. No love taps.


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## flytobecat (Mar 28, 2010)

Two months really isn't a lot in horse time. He sounds insecure and doesn't see you as the boss. I'm not advocating keeping the horse. He may not be the right horse for you, but anytime spent working with him would only benefit both of you.
I would start with groundwork and desensitizing. Small things like leading him around, making him move when you ask him to, rubbing him all over, picking up his feet. Grooming is great bonding time. Be cautious, but try not to tiptoe around him (I know easier said than done). When you build up to riding take it slow again. Work on bending, disengaging front and hind quarters, stopping, etc...
I've had Willow for 3 years and Mona for 4 years and I'm just now figuring out how to read their body language.


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

*Thanks everyone for your replies!*

First of all, thanks everyone for your input!

Just one thing - he's not aggressive, so I don't have to worry about that aspect at least... 

For the CT, yes, I might give that a try. The videos illustrate the advantages nicely. 

And someone had mentioned it, yes, I've done a lot already, groundwork, desensitizing (I pretty much wrapped him into a tarp), I walk him like a dog to show him things like heavy machinery (which he has been used to before but now, he freaks out at the sight of a tractor 4 quarter sections away...) and when he tries to refuse to go somewhere, I'm firm but fair and he never ended up not going. But it doesn't improve our relationship...

And when I say "hanging out", I mean it. I sit on the fence and take pictures or read on my phone or whatnot. In the beginning, he would come and say "hello" but not no more. All the other horses are out of their minds happy when I show up because I give them attention and they "visit" when I hang out. Not my boy. He stays back and eyes me suspiciously. Almost like I've hurt him before or something. Which I swear I haven't!!!

From his past, the last 6 years that he was with the previous owner, he was one of 33 horses... He had his own trainer who came out to ride him once a week and he was ridden in his well known surroundings. I thought it would be nice for him to be an only-horse from now on but made sure not to smother him with love so it would be too much for him (yup, I put lots of thought into this...). 

Another part of the story is that I'm no beginner by any means, I've been training people with problem horses or problem riders (with traumatic experiences, fears etc <- oh the irony...!) for over 15 years. I had to put my old gelding down this past spring after having had him retire in 2010. He was in a wonderful pasture with a mixed group of others and never got ridden again. So I was "horseless" for about 2 years but kept training others. 

Then there is this other gelding where I board mine. He's a real problem child... Never properly trained, tendency to kick and bite and all the other goodies =) I've started working with him because he wanted me to, he'd be following me around like a lost puppy and is affectionate and just happy that someone gives him attention and shows him right from wrong. I think if I'd be sleeping in his pasture, he'd be delighted...

All of this together frustrates me. Why do other horses "love" me and not mine? Aarrgghhh....


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

MapleAir said:


> I absolutely don't over work him at all, he's never been sweaty yet...


How much was he worked previous to your purchase? Is he bored?


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

Have you had him vet checked, the freak out when you mounted and girthiness makes me wonder if there is something else going on.


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## MapleAir (Oct 19, 2012)

AlexS said:


> Have you had him vet checked, the freak out when you mounted and girthiness makes me wonder if there is something else going on.


He put his ears back when being girthed at the old owner's already, his saddle and tack has been checked and fitted and the freak out was a freak accident, but brought on by him not friggin standing still when being mounted. I have this issue worked out, he's standing fine now. And yes, he was vet checked twice before I brought him home, once a regular PPE and then I was a bit worried about his age, so I had him x-rayed. All with no problems. 

For possibly being bored... Hhm, I doubt it. He was ridden by his trainer once a week and since he was one out of 33 for his old owner, I doubt she rode him lots. She admitted that he has too many buttons for her and she mostly just hacked out on him. Maybe another once a week or so. And I've been riding him 2-3 times a week LIGHTLY. Plus groundwork sessions and just brushing or "hanging out".


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## srh1 (Jun 3, 2012)

I would suggest a couple lessons on him, or even just an experienced horse person to watch you interact with him on the ground. Even if you have experience sometimes an extra set of eyes makes a big difference.

This summer I leased a mare for free in exchange for working through some of her problems. When I tried her at her stable she wasn't bad at all.

Then I brought her home. And she transformed. Super spooky, totally disrespectful of space and a total brat. And formed an instant bond with my mare and right away became the most herd bound horse I've ever ridden.

I honestly thought I had possibly overfaced myself. But I free worked her the first couple days and made her blow off steam then after she settled a bit I started really working her. I worked her hard. But not without looking closely for ANY signal she was starting to soften. As soon as she started to drop her head, chew, or give any other sign of softening her attitude I'd let up. Otherwise whether she was free or on a lead she was moving her feet constantly.

I worked her almost everyday. For at least an hour. Within 2 weeks I was able to get on her bareback. Not because she was so tired (her endurance was incredible) but because she had softened. I didn't really ask for anything while I was riding her at that point. Not even a trot. By the third week I had my reward when she walked softly to the pasture with me and when I let her go she just stayed with me, not scared, just content to wait with me at the gate instead of going to see the other horses.

I did not push her undersaddle till then. I like to have a very good relationship with the horse on the ground before I ask for much of anything undersaddle. She ended up being an awesome trailhorse with no issue going off away from the other horses for hours and we formed a great relationship by the end.

My point is, don't be afraid to push your horse, it's not a baby and may need it!! 

I would highly recommend the book teaching your horse perfect manners. It's SO helpful!!


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## G8tdh0rse (Aug 14, 2012)

I have one that I don't click with either. She would rather people leave her alone. I can catch her but she would rather walk off. She will eat a treat or not. She is obedient under saddle but shows no interest in her work and gives a lack-luster performance. She is not lazy at all but seems to just endure being ridden and is just waiting for people to leave her alone again. She was 13 when trained to ride and before that rarely handled' She was supposed to be a broodmare but went through several owners and was never bred or trained to be ridden before she was given to me.


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## Misty'sGirl (Oct 22, 2007)

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time Maple. There's something that happened with my mare and I that I usually don't talk about coz I'm ashamed, but I think it'll help with your situation. 

Misty (my mare) had never really bonded with me, but she didn't hate me or anything. Then, we had a really bad accident. I had to go to hospital and was in bed for a month. So the last time she'd seen me was when I was on the ground, screaming in pain, and then I "disappeared" for a month.

After that, she seemed to hate me. I thought she blamed me for what happened, but more likely she could sense the emotions of me blaming myself. Everytime I tried to pet her, she tried to bite me. Ears were always back. She wouldn't come to me at all. 

After a while, I lost so much hope and blamed myself so much, I totally retreated from her. I wouldn't groom her, wouldn't hold her for the farrier, made my parents feed her, etc. I am SO ashamed of my behaviour. I was a teenager and reacted very immaturely, but I felt rejected and blamed myself and didn't know what else to do.

Someone told me I should put her in the harshest bit I could find and ride her again to show her who was boss... thank God I didn't do that. I ended up getting an amazing trainer who, within one session, had me riding her in a halter!!! But... she still didn't love me. 

It was when she came down with colic that I realised how much I love her. I walked her all night, prayed, told her how sorry I was and begged her to forgive me. Logically I know she didn't understand, but I think she felt/sensed my emotions, and from that day on we've had an incredible bond. Something changed that night, now she comes running to me, whinnies anytime she sees me, falls asleep in my arms...

I'm not saying give your horse colic haha, but I only did one session with a trainer. I think, if I'd continued with it, he would've helped Misty and I to build our trust and respect for each other a lot sooner.

Sorry for the massive essay, it wasn't meant to be this long, but I really hope it helps. Sometimes (even though you're experienced and a trainer etc) it really can help to have someone on the outside, looking in, seeing what you can't see and giving you that helping hand to build up a relationship.

And as people have said, two months isn't very long for a horse. A big lifestyle change will need time, but I REALLY think some sessions with a trainer will be a massive help xx


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