# Confidence Knocked Novice Rider seeks experienced advice



## Silkcookie (Nov 29, 2011)

Hi, I hope that someone can give me some advice based on their experience. I am 42 years old, so assess risks differently to a younger person, and when i fall it hurts!


I had been paying for sand-school lessons for a year and confidently wanted to get my own horse. A friend of mine, who is experienced in horses helped me fine one and I now have a 14.2 cob mare who is 4 and a half years old. The horse is kept about a half an hour drive away from where I live (although I have now facilities to keep her at my house)
Within a week the horse shook (I thought it bucked) and I fell off and it hurt, I changed my jodpurs to have a better grip and help my balance
The next week I was out hacking with someone that was breaking their 2 year old infront and the 2 year old was hard to handle and spooked at a bag and my horse (who wasn't spooked before although i only had her for two weeks) spooked too and bolted across a field with me on her (I stayed on and coaxed her back eventually)
The next week I refused to go out with the unbroken horse and got my friend to ride a bike so that someone was with me - that was fine except when we stopped to discuss my leg/arm position and let the horse eat grass on the verge - setting off again the horse stamped its front foot like a bull as i think she wanted to stay to eat grass. I got her to walk on - she was also increasingly spooked on this hack with parked cars signs etc
The following week I took her to a livery across the road and they rode her and said that she was green and having lived her whole life in a sand-school did not know the basics rein control, backing up etc, they offered me £200.00 for her (I paid £1850.00)
I decided to read loads of books and teach her the basics myself, I was doing well until I was told I was wasting my time and I need to hack out to learn. My lessons were sabotaged
Last weekend she had been fed hayledge rather then hay and I took her out. She bucked and reared and stamped her feet within 20 feet of leaving the yard. Someone came and tried to lead her and she bucked and reared again. I got off and we tried to walk her back to the yard and she bucked (hooves 4 foot off the ground) it was hard to keep hold of her
I was very distaught and was really very clammy and shocked/scared by the experience. I had said to my 'expert' friend from week one that i was not happy that something was not right all I wanted was a quiet plodder to fuss and ride out. I have been told for weeks that I am wasting my time reading books (I don't sign up to the competition of winning against the horse through kicking and shouting and find Horse whispering tecniques more my style) that I don't need to do exercises to teach the horse and am wasting my time and hacking time, that i am not even a novice rider (lower then that) that I know nothing about hourses and that this is the quietest cob that you will ever find. I can trot comfortably and maneouvre the horse I don't think I am that useless- my confidence is in bits, I feel bullied and stupid and told that I don't understand horses becasue I am too old to learn and I hate the thought of seeing the horse now - but it is not the horses fault.

I know this has been long but my question is - is this normal behaviour for a horse. She seemed to be worse on Hayledge, but there seems no point in having a horse if I am too scared to ride. Can anyone reassure me that other horses are calmer and less spooked and tantrumy. I am aware that her behaviour might be becasue she is so young but I am scared to have her at my house with no support and not being able to cope. Please help.


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

Firstly, what did you know about the horse when you bought it? Secondly, did you vet check it before you bought it? Thirdly, do you have a contract written?

You are NEVER too old to learn, but bumps do hurt more, and no question is too silly, however I would firmly believe you should get a trainer to assist you- help bring the horse on, and your knowledge too.

£1850 is a LOT for a green cob, a lot. The behaviour you have been experiencing is her testing you, hopefully, but get an equine dentist out to check her teeth, a chiro or vet out to check her back, and check her saddle still fits. I'm not a fan of shouting or screaming at my horse, she'd probably walk away from me, but I'm not a fan of whispering to my horse, she probably wouldn't hear me ;D You have to find that happy medium, and being assertive without being aggressive is the way forward, look at some of the threads in horse training to help give you an idea for ground work and lunging your cob. 

You can learn by hacking, but I find as a nervous rider myself that gaining control in a school environment easier so then I can teach my horse 'stop' incase we tank on a hack ;D

Honestly review your friendship with this woman, however. Selling a 4.5yo green cob to a novice rider is irresponsible.

I hope you manage to find a solution, that doesn't require you selling this horse and you make it work for the pair of you! Where abouts in UK are you?


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## Silkcookie (Nov 29, 2011)

Hi, Thank you for your reply. I took an 'Expert' horse person with me and he checked her out physically, she only seems to buck when she wants to do something else - and I carefully checked the saddle fits as this was a concern of mine. I am only 8 stone too so she probably hardly feels me.

I love you analogy of shouting and whispering that is probably where I am

I live in north devon but becasue i have been told that I won't find a better horse I am thinking that getting maybe an older more experienced one will simply result in the same problems.

Yes my relationship with the people that are caring for her is also in tatters as I feel so unsupportive and bullied. I think that if I sell the horse maybe I can start again with a new one. Thank you again


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

Is there anywhere else you can move her for now, somewhere that will provide the help you need? My yard is brilliant, helped me find my youngster and bring her on, which I couldn't have done on my own despite a fair few year riding/ownership experience under my belt.

Don't let people bully you. Its very easy for horse people to let you know what they feel is right, the only way, or the high way. 

Personally for me, get away from the people she is with, and who you bought her from. Anyone who makes someone feel so negative about what they are doing are not worth knowing, there are plenty of lovely people out there that will help you.

Get a vet or chiro out, expert or not, they're not qualified ;D 

It honestly sounds like you need a fresh start where people will give you the help you need as soon as possible, the bucking sounds like she is testing you however, and this needs to be addressed before it becomes a serious, dangerous issue for you both.


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

The first thing I tell lesson goers when they want to buy a horse is to lease (I think you say "loan" over there) a horse. A part lease if possible where you only have to worry about the horse for maybe 3 days a week and are not completely in charge of vet/farrier care.

Personally I think what your "friend" did was completely underhanded and downright mean - did she know the seller?? (I'm willing to bet money she did!) Honestly I think you do need to sell this mare (and cut your losses - "losing" a couple thousand euro is better than losing your life or mobility!) and NOT because of any inability you have!! You were simply sold a completely unsuitable first horse. 

Look for something to lease that is advertised as a schoolmaster, quiet and suitable for beginner to intermediate riders. Not only will only paying part of the costs for the horse allow you to "ease into" horse ownership it may also help you recover some money from the mare. Take lessons on the horse and always ask the owner about what they are doing for regular hoof and vet care as you will probably be paying for part - and it gives you an opportunity to learn what to do when you have more experience and can buy your own horse again!

Good luck!! And know that it is nothing YOU are doing wrong, simply that the mare is too young and green and should have been sold to a trainer or experienced rider. There is a saying over here that green plus green equals black and blue and it is true! You need a solid citizen to teach you and take care of you in the saddle!!


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## Silkcookie (Nov 29, 2011)

Thank you that is good advice and what I was thinking but I have had no-one to talk to outside of the people looking after my horse. I do really appreciate the replies I have had - already feeling a sense of peace with the situation as I now know that there is a way forward


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

I'd just like to address that reading about how to train a horse or any kind of research is a very smart move and it was rude of those people to kill your confidence in yourself. You are very smart, and don't let those people affect you. I'm currently dealing with the same thing, it's hard to not be hurt when someone you trusted or held in such high regard turns out to be a bully of sorts.
If you truly want this horse, there are ways to turn it into the horse of your dreams, but it'll cost you in training expenses or riding lessons from someone experienced. I have to tell you from experience, though, I find it is worth it.

But everything is up to you. It'd be good to lease a very experienced and trusty horse so you don't have to deal with rearing or whatnot, but that horse may test you too (probably not as radically) so I definitely strongly absolutely suggest taking riding lessons with someone who works WITH you, not putting you down or screaming at you or whatnot. 

I hope things work out for you, you are amazing.. don't let anyone tell you less and don't think any less of yourself!


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## Silkcookie (Nov 29, 2011)

Thank you - I have learnt alot from reading and when I would ask questions such as why did she bang her hoof and I would get the answers she is just playing - I looked it up and it can be associated with her having a tantrum and wanting to stay and eat the grass whcih makes more sense. I would love to keep her but I am worried being on my own and not knowing what to do - but I am starting to feel that it is not me and if she is testing me then maybe I can let her know that I have developed good balance and am an expert on staying on bucking horses!! I will seek riding lessons in my area I think and see how that goes Thank you again i am glad I came across this forum


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

We're glad you did too! 

Definitely check out every riding instructor available.. sit in during lessons if you can. Find the one that works for you.. because a great instructor with a bad attitude won't help your confidence either! 

Good luck!


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## Heelsdown (Jun 5, 2011)

> Selling a 4.5yo green cob to a novice rider is irresponsible.



Absolutely! Aside from the price being high ( where you are. Where I am cobs are very pricey) but aside from cost, the horse itself is not a good match for you.

I'm sorry this happened.

I can't speak for you, but if this happened to me, I'd cut my losses and move on. I'd sell the horse for whatever I can get for it, and find a mount much more suitable for my level. Unless a trainer really does believe this horse will work for you and you just need more confidence. That's possible.

But me, I personally wouldn't continue riding a horse that was too green for my level of riding. I'd rather learn my lesson by losing money than losing something more.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

What I had always learned was (for a first time horse buyer) what you want to look for is something between the ages of 8 and 12 that has "been there done that". Your friend didn't do you any favors by helping you to choose a 4 1/2 year old pony. My geuss is that it has only about 6 months to a year of training and very little exposure to the outside world.

My suggestion would be to sell (if you can get your money back), send the pony to a trainer, or lease it to a teenager or experienced rider that can put the miles on it while you continue to take lessons and if a new horse is an option, you purchase one that is more suitable for you.

I'm sorry that your first experience in horse ownership had to be this one...


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

TOTALLY agree, Anabel!!
When I looked at my 5 yo QH, "Buster" (then a 3yo) at a local Rescue, I told them I was looking for something young, but sane, and fairly safe. (I've owned horses since 1985, btw.) I was happy, since I'm in 50's, to let them think that they were very smart, and that I _needed_ something VERY SAFE, now that they are giving away an older OTTB bc nobody will have her!!
_I also think I probably know more about training than they do._ I say, throw away any pride,* don't feel bad about taking a loss on a horse--I've done it, and lived to tell about it!*! =b
Riding should be a joy, not something akin to a 60k downhill race!!! Find a middle aged lesson horse for sale. Even if you only get a few years riding with him/her, you'll learn SO MUCH, and you might even be able to *pasture-pet that very deserved horse* into retirement years down the road. =D


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Silkcookie,

Some great advice here. And I a just wanted to add this resource to it. This guy trains horses and people . I haven't a clue if it's anywhere near you, but it's nearer than the US, so might be helpful.

Home


I think his name is Tom Moates? He did some training with some US based trainers and he has a great attitude toward beginners.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Do I think this horse is the best horse for you? No. Do I think you have to sell it? No. Do I think selling her might be a smart step right now? Yes.

She is testing you, yes. But other than her melt down from the feed change it sounds like she is not a bad horse. She just needs some work. Since you are now worried about her it might be best to sell her and find yourself a new mount, that you do not have this history with.

Can you find a new yard, that has trainers that know how to work with novice adults? (Because we adults all know that being a novice adult is very different than being a novice child, we for sure break when we splat.)

Ask around, any other horse people you might know. Check out the local lesson type barns, etc. Talk to the instructors, etc. Find a place you feel comfortable with and then move on from there.


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## Silkcookie (Nov 29, 2011)

Thank you all for your replies and advice. Following you advice yesterday I had a word with the person that is caring for her and explained that I was scared to get back on her, I was much more confident in my convictions and attitude as I felt supported by forum members. They have agreed that they will not feed her hayledge, that they will ride her out and teach her the basics, they agreed that she was testing me and that she is a little young and frisky rather then bolty. I have agreed to try one more time becasue I don't believe that she is a bad horse at all. I will see what happens after the weekend and I really really appreciate all of the non-judgemental competent advice. Thank you


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Do they have any been there done that type horses you can get on and get your confidence back? That along with some training for her (or a new horse) and I bet you will be back to enjoying riding in no time.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> *Do they have any been there done that type horses you can get on and get your confidence back?* That along with some training for her (or a new horse) and I bet you will be back to enjoying riding in no time.


Wouldn't it be cheaper to sell this one and buy a *"been here done that ... horse"* instead of paying to keep the one that scares you and borrowing the other one? Would you buy a sports car, find you can't drive it well, then borrow somebody else's beater sedan so you can learn to drive better?* Would you put your child on this horse?* There are PLENTY of horses that are good prospects when young, but never trained to be obedient. I agree with Cherie when she says that there are 4 yo's that she trusts more than some 14yo horses, and it's almost ALWAYS bc of training. I know there isn't a CarFax for horses, but you don't have to keep a horse that isn't suited for you just bc it's an animal that needs an owner. =/


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## WalkerLady (Jul 22, 2010)

I did very little riding up till age 45, so I know how you feel. I bought a horse that was all wrong for me - he was very dominant and just too much for a green rider. He'd pretend to spook and leap sideways and turn at the same time - he dumped me half a dozen times that way. I took lessons, read and tried to learn all I could, but I'd lost my confidence and he knew it, so he was always testing me and I was always too tense and nervous to practice what I'd learned. 

So I found him a new home and bought a 16 YO been-there-done-that, mild-mannered, sweet little mare, and after almost 1 1/2 yrs. with her my confidence is back and I'm actually starting to learn to ride (not just sit on the horse, point where I want to go and hope for the best )

Yes, learn all you can, but if the horse frightens you be aware that you may have difficulty practicing what you've learned. As others have said, I'd evaluate whether you need to cut your losses and move on. And shame on those who're trying to tear you down.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Corporal said:


> Wouldn't it be cheaper to sell this one and buy a *"been here done that ... horse"* instead of paying to keep the one that scares you and borrowing the other one? Would you buy a sports car, find you can't drive it well, then borrow somebody else's beater sedan so you can learn to drive better?* Would you put your child on this horse?* There are PLENTY of horses that are good prospects when young, but never trained to be obedient. I agree with Cherie when she says that there are 4 yo's that she trusts more than some 14yo horses, and it's almost ALWAYS bc of training. I know there isn't a CarFax for horses, but you don't have to keep a horse that isn't suited for you just bc it's an animal that needs an owner. =/


I never said the OP should not sell her horse. I was just saying it might not be necessary. Her horse might be a good horse.

Nothing wrong with riding a lesson horse. Nothing wrong with buying a been there done that horse. Either way works. 

Right now, it might be easier to start taking lessons on a been there done that horse. Even if buying one is the plan, it might take a bit to find one, why not work on your confidence before you are shopping so you are better able to try while you are shopping?


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## ChristineNJ (Jan 23, 2010)

I have a similar story. I half leased a horse for 2 years. He was a really great horse and took care of me - 17 years old - been there, done that, well trained. When he had to be put down I rode a TB & got bucked off and lost my confidence...(also an older rider). Decided to rescue a beautiful horse from Camelot. Well, Whiskey was frisky and turned out to be too much for me. So I let my trainer have him and decided to take dressage lessons before I attempted to buy another horse!! Whiskey was a very sweet horse but was very forward and I was afraind to ride him. He didn't like the stall and would try to kick his way out of it and was hard to saddle & bridle. He really needed a more experienced rider than me. So I am building my confidence back up at this point and if I decided to buy another horse he would have to be well trained with no habit of bucking or rearing!! Good luck with whatever you decide.


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## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

Skyseternalangel has given very good advice indeed....

It is hurtful when folks you trust turn out to be untrustworthy. Mulder's poster in The X-Files comes to mind: "Trust No One".... ;-) 

Truly, don't let anyone shake your confidence or your resolve to succeed at this. You're absolutely on the right track in doing your own research and the advice you have received about finding the right person to take lessons from and to get training assistance from is right on target. However, that should ALWAYS go hand in hand with doing your own research and thinking for yourself along the way.

WhatEVER you do, DON'T QUIT!!! Sooner or later you'll wind up with a relationship with your horse that will be priceless beyond description. It'll all be worth it! 

If the folks around you at the barn are "dragging you down" then that just means you need a different group of folks around you...  

Now I hope things turn up and start getting better right away!



Skyseternalangel said:


> I'd just like to address that reading about how to train a horse or any kind of research is a very smart move and it was rude of those people to kill your confidence in yourself. You are very smart, and don't let those people affect you. I'm currently dealing with the same thing, it's hard to not be hurt when someone you trusted or held in such high regard turns out to be a bully of sorts.
> If you truly want this horse, there are ways to turn it into the horse of your dreams, but it'll cost you in training expenses or riding lessons from someone experienced. I have to tell you from experience, though, I find it is worth it.
> 
> I hope things work out for you, you are amazing.. don't let anyone tell you less and don't think any less of yourself!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

Peronaly I would advise you to sell this horse and get one more suited to your ability. Something older and more experianced.

I am currently in the process of schooling on a 4yr old horse and I'm a very experianced rider but he has knocked my confidence a lot. I bounce very well having ridden many many difficult horses I have learnt to fall correctly but I've still had several nasty injuries.

At your age and lack of experiance I can garentee if you take a hard fall you will hurt yourself badly.

You need an older pony who is at least 12 yrs old, been there, done that and quiet as they come.


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

Silkie.

It seems from reading your posts that one of your problems is that you are out of the loop - you don’t appear to be in touch with experienced horsey folks who can help you. North Devon is a big area but wherever you are located there will be a local branch of the BHS and belonging to it will be a significant number of knowledgeable horsey people. Devon is also hunting country and for sure there will be members who can give help and advice with trail riding.

You need to find locally a rider trainer - not any old trainer - rather one whom you feel comfortable with and one who has the ability to train both horse and rider. 

Your age is no real problem but your lack of horse knowledge is. 
Doing Pilates exercises on the centre core muscles would help you if you can find a local practitioner.
The horse is a problem for you, but as you learn more assertiveness that should eventually come right.

The mistake you have made is to buy your own horse too soon when you were not ready to handle it, train it and ride it. Adding to the problem is that you seem to have bought the wrong horse for your needs. So now you have a steep learning curve. You have a horse, the land and an interest - it would be sad to hear you had quit.

You’ve made little mention of what you are aiming to do with this horse. If the idea is to ride across Exmoor then your horse is probably too young and inexperienced to trail ride sole across the moors. If you are planning to ride around Barnstaple or the other towns then you’ll have traffic to cope with on the narrow country lanes. However to hack out you’ll need a companion horse and rider combo 

My suggestion is that you looked up the various DIY livery yards in your area and find one with an amenable atmosphere and importantly a training arena - even if you have to travel to use it. Your horse needs a home but you need help and advice more. Certainly for you to set yourself up at home on your own would be a disaster - unless maybe you can persuade a local owner/rider to come and share your facilities in return for giving you help and advice. 

What might help to help you with your confidence issues is a horse and rider holiday week. There are several outfits which specialize in helping the nervous rider with the difficult horse. Alternatively with the idea of giving you back some confidence, maybe you might think of going on a horse riding holiday either in Wales or Spain.

Down the road, Silkie, you might come to think that the horse is wrong for you but buying a horse is always at best a fifty/fifty exercise - you either buy the right horse or the wrong one. You could easily buy another ‘wrongun’. You could think of phoning up Hartpury College in Gloucestershire to see if they currently need a horse for one of their students. They don’t pay to borrow a horse, but the horse returns home well schooled.

There are a lot of unanswered questions arising from your posts. But in your trying to put this situation right, you’ll learn more about horses, so long as you can find someone with soft hands to stroke your fevered brow when it needs stroking. 

PS One of my fond memories was when four of us took for a holiday, four horses and four dogs to a very comfortable hotel with stabling on Exmoor. Happy days.


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