# Should I "pack it in"?



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

you need to find a new barn. 
riding should be fun, and a rider should be encouraged to celebrate even small gains. 

your barn sounds like a dismal place . let me out!


----------



## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

No trainer should ever tell a rider that they lack natural ability. How does that help anyone? Not all trainers are good at handling the human "feelings" aspect of riding, however, it's part of the game. You should feel comfortable talking to your trainer about such matters. I'd suggest trying out a new barn and trainer, particularly if the alternative is giving riding up altogether!


----------



## Efarnswor (Dec 12, 2012)

Thank you- actually, I like my trainer a lot, we have a good relationship, she's very helpful most of the time, and is very positive in lessons. I guess it was just a blow to the ego to hear that I lack "natural ability", didn't sound so great when she said that. Maybe I just lack a certain "toughness" for this sport. Remember reading a George Morris book where he talks about not smiling and never discussing feelings. Wierd. Thanks for responding to my post.


----------



## Overread (Mar 7, 2015)

"Natural Ability" in my view is a false concept - at least within the context most people mean. In general most people who display "natural ability" are simply those who began things when they were very young, or performed activities which compliment what they are now doing. 

When we are young we learn very fast, our brains are wired up to learn much more easily. Furthermore if you've started something at a very young age then by the time you're a young adult you've already had 10+ years of experience - that's a huge amount of time so its no wonder they'd be far ahead of those starting at a latter stage. 

You lack natural ability is also often an excuse used by many to simple say that you've not progressed as fast as some others - but there's no shame in that and no reason you can't continue to progress.


The other point to consider is how often and how long you get to practice for. Three years can sound like a long time, but if you've only done an hour each week then at best you'd only have around 150 hours of riding. That's often why things like training camps can be popular since you get to gain a huge block of training and focus all in one go and become more worth while with the more experience you gain. 



Also don't forget that a student to teacher relationship is an important part in any taught learning. Sometimes its not the teacher you socially get on with the best who can take you the furthest with learning you a new skill. It might be that you get on well but that your current tutor lacks the skill or methods to effectively teach in a way that you are able to best pick up the material; or could be that they don't push you enough; or any one of a myriad of other things. It might be worth trying a few others - sometimes even just a change of scene and situation can liven things up (esp if you've gotten into a bit of a learning rut).


----------



## MaximasMommy (Sep 21, 2013)

What does natural ability have to do with it? miles and miles and miles and miles have to do with it, not "natural ability"... seriously... What area of riding are you in?


----------



## TXhorseman (May 29, 2014)

Efarnswor said:


> I'm an adult amateur, and have been riding for about 3 years. I like my barn,trainer, and I lease a great horse. Problem is, I feel like I'm not progressing. My instructor said I don't really have "natural ability", but that most people don't. I feel like I'm "starting over" with every horse I ride- it doesn't seem like it should be that way..? I don't know why I'm starting to get the feeling that everyone is surpassing me, and that my trainer isn't being honest with me about my progress. I don't feel comfortable sharing my feelings with her any more- seems like feelings aren't supposed to exist in this sport. Help!:neutral:


People vary in the abilities which come easier to them. As a result they tend to learn better in response to different teaching methods. Development comes easiest when teacher and student communicate well. You might try taking a few lessons with someone else for the purpose of comparing training methods and determining if you would learn better from someone with a different teaching approach.

While you are not really starting over every time you work with a new horse, you are developing a new relationship. As with human relationships, some people find it easier to get to know new horses more quickly than others. 

When working with a new horse, imaging that you are learning a new language. You and the horse must learn to understand what the other is trying to communicate. Even if the new horse understands the basic cues you are trying to use, your application of these cues may seem like someone speaking in a different dialect or with a strange accent. In a similar way, the horse may attempt to communicate with you in a different way than another horse you are accustomed to. 

If the new horse doesn’t seem to understand what you are saying, you should try to explain things to the horse in a little different way that it might understand better. You should, also, try to figure out what the horse is trying to tell you. This is all a matter of experimenting, observing the results, and modifying the experiment to see if you can get better results.

All of this is accomplished more easily if you maintain a tranquil atmosphere.


----------



## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

Don't worry about "natural ability". Some things in life come easily to us, some have to be worked for. 

In the end, I found far more reward in the sucesses I have had to fight for than in those that came easily. If you love it, just keep plugging along and celebrate every personal success, regardless of how small it may seem to others.

Perhaps ask your trainer if you can ride the same horse for a while to build up some confidence.


----------



## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Not sure how you can have a "good relationship" with someone who sabotages your desire to keep trying and learning.

Find a new barn. Discover what kind of a friendship you can have with a more innovative instructor.

That said, I am not the most athletic or graceful person riding or any other time. Yet, I am in my fourth decade of working with horses professionally. One of my bosses called me "Gracie" but loved how I handled his horses and rated them on the track. 

Go figure.

I suggest you go figure where else to ride. Get back to enjoying this deal.


----------



## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

"Natural ability" can only take you so far and then sheer grit, determination and commitment to the sport have to take over. My DH has a great "natural" seat, in that he naturally sits deep and centers his body, but he has no commitment or really even desire to progress past the toddling down the trail stage. So to have someone say, "You have no natural ability." really doesn't mean a whole lot to me. 

If you really don't want to find another barn, and I would find another barn, then see if there's a way to spend more hours in the saddle. Wet blankets benefit more than the horse.


----------



## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

boots said:


> Not sure how you can have a "good relationship" with someone who sabotages your desire to keep trying and learning.


SO in agreeance. Why would you pay someone to basically bully you in one form or another? Riding is an intense sport, and should be taken at a snail's pace and with compassion for the rider's well being at first.

Yes, trainers can be ruthless but usually that's when the rider needs it and usually later in their progression. Beginners know nothing, or little to nothing, and should not be belittled or put down. She could have held her tongue about "natural ability," which is a load to be honest, and focused on something more helpful like teaching you to adapt to your horse?!!?

Find a better trainer. Better as in an encouraging yet firm one that keeps you working.


----------



## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

I went back and looked at your previous posts and it sounds like you have had previous experience with horses but have come back to it after many years. I have found that as a "mature" adult rider I am more cautious than I was years ago. I believe that most people with "natural ability" get it from experience (although there are those who simply never quite get it together). Time, practice, muscle training, all work together to make one a better horse partner.


----------



## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

You didn't mention what type of riding you do. 

I started at 50. I have no natural ability to ride. I'm pretty sure some do, just as some have the athletic ability to kick my butt in most sports. At 57, I remember the time in Jr High when teams were being picked for football and a guy with a broken arm was picked ahead of me...:eek_color:

I'm a self-taught (mostly) backyard rider. After 7 years...I can stay on a horse who spins and/or bolts pretty good. Lots of practice, I guess. I've only had a horse buck hard once,and then briefly, so I don't know if I can stay on one or not. I tried taking lessons for 4-5 months. I was behind everyone else in terms of riding style and 'proper equitation', but I noticed the horses I rode behaved a lot better for me than the other riders.

But what I've really noticed after 7 years is that I can be as happy as a clam walking or trotting down a road or a trail with a horse. A relaxed canter is OK, but I actually prefer an extended trot. A gallop seems to bring back memories of all the bolts. I don't enjoy a gallop. I've been Mach 2 in an airplane; I don't need speed from my horse. 

Alone or with one other person (typically my youngest daughter) works well. I like horses better than most people and have no desire to ride with 20 others. No desire to ride at a "barn" either ("stable" is the term where I live). I don't need some skinny 12 year old girl telling me I'm too fat for my horse or that all bits are evil. I don't need to hear my legs are too long, too short or my feet point out at angles (I like a 30 deg angle out, so screw 'em!). Don't need to hear my feet are too far forward, too far back or stuck in scuffed cowboy boots.

If you aren't "progressing", maybe you are headed in the wrong direction. What do you like to do on a horse? VS Littauer taught jumping and loved English riding. However, he tells the story of running into a rider in mid-west America on a back road. The rider was slouched too much and was riding with no contact. He was tempted to say something, then he realized: The horse looked happy. The rider looked happy. They were having fun. Both of them. He said the riding instructor in him wanted to tell them what they were doing wrong...except, how wrong can it be for a happy horse and happy rider to have fun together?

Sorry for the long post. Riding should be fun. In my case, I thought I wanted to ride English and learn to jump. I now ride western and have no interest in jumping or competing in anything. If this is fun for me 








​ 
then why not be happy doing it...in tack that doesn't match, looking eccentric, a 160 lb guy on a skinny horse, etc? :cowboy:


----------



## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Sheesh! Got stupid and hit Post before I was finished, I must lack "natural ability" on a computer.

I went back and looked at your previous posts and it sounds like you have had previous experience with horses but have come back to it after many years. I have found that as a "mature" adult rider I am more cautious than I was years ago. I believe that most people with "natural ability" get it from experience (although there are those who simply never quite get it together). Time, practice, muscle training, all work together to make one a better horse partner.
What are your goals? Do you ever get out of the arena and go for a trail ride, relax and just enjoy the company of your horse?
I would not worry about other riders surpassing you in achievement. Each of us improves at a different rate. Years ago I took skiing lessons. I was the oldest one in my class. If I had tied to keep with the Kiddos I would surely have broken something! My goal was to learn and stay alive. : ) 
Riding different horses is a good thing. You learn and gain experience from each horse you get on. Consider it a bonus.
I think it is wonderful that you are back to riding. Obviously you had the desire or would not have invested time and dollars ino this. Stick with it. Focus on your improvement and above all enjoy what you are doing.


----------



## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

"Natural ability" is a complex term because I don't think anyone has overall natural ability although some people certainly adapt to riding quicker than others. Most people start off with learning some things quickly and really having to work harder at other things. I have a 64 year old student who can "connect" extremely well with just about any horse on the ground, has great balance, very good hands, and terrible legs. So, I would say there is SOME natural ability, but he is far from being a good rider. That doesn't stop him from getting on a horse and enjoying himself. I am not knocking your instructors knowledge of teaching, but one part of teaching is to encourage the student. I don't think you should feel that you are competing with anyone but if you feel that you are not progressing you should know what area(s) you need to work harder on. That feeling that you have of not getting anywhere is your instructor's job to fix.


----------



## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

bsms said:


> You didn't mention what type of riding you do.
> 
> I started at 50. I have no natural ability to ride. I'm pretty sure some do, just as some have the athletic ability to kick my butt in most sports. At 57, I remember the time in Jr High when teams were being picked for football and a guy with a broken arm was picked ahead of me...:eek_color:
> 
> ...


 Great post Bsms, I would go riding with you anytime. Too bad we are not closer.


----------



## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

bsms...you are absolutely on the right track!


----------



## kelseyannxo (Jun 25, 2015)

If you're saying you guys have a good relationship, then maybe she really wasn't trying to hurt you and maybe she was trying to say you don't learn as fast as others but worded it in a way that sounded rude and disrespectful.

Despite having a good relationship and despite what she may have meant, that would hurt me if I heard a trainer say that, and since I'm one to take things to heart, it would probably discourage me. I love riding too much to ever give up over someone else's words, but it would certainly linger in my head for quite some time afterwards and I would make efforts to find a new trainer.

Trainers are supposed to provide constructive criticism, but that does sound too harsh for me. I would find a new barn and a new instructor who can maybe tell you why you're not progressing. And the simple answer may be the fact that riding is a sport that requires repetition and practice as much as humanly possible and you just might not be getting in the saddle enough. The lack of time alone can affect how fast you move. However, I don't believe it's a lack of natural ability. That was just uncalled for on her part. I bet you're doing just fine for where you are. 3 years may sound like a lot, but it's not, especially if you're not riding every day, so don't beat yourself up over not being where others are. Good luck. I hope you didn't take her words too personally. Not many people have "natural ability." What they do have is hours upon hours and years upon years of experience. Keep your head up, you will get there!


----------



## kelseyannxo (Jun 25, 2015)

bsms said:


> You didn't mention what type of riding you do.
> 
> I started at 50. I have no natural ability to ride. I'm pretty sure some do, just as some have the athletic ability to kick my butt in most sports. At 57, I remember the time in Jr High when teams were being picked for football and a guy with a broken arm was picked ahead of me...
> 
> ...


You're the best, bsms! What a fantastic post! I agree wholeheartedly! You're great.


----------



## Efarnswor (Dec 12, 2012)

Thank you all for your encouraging words and insights. I so appreciate it!


----------



## aclassicalpaint (Feb 11, 2015)

It really doesn't matter where you're at skill wise. It doesn't matter if other riders are doing more advanced things. In riding, the only thing that matters is that the horse(s) you ride enjoys being ridden by you. 
My trainer raised the jumps for me once and it was nice because I knew I was advancing. But my proudest moment was when she told me "All the horses love when you ride them." 
Prove yourself to the horses, not other riders.


----------



## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

I'd rather teach someone who felt they were starting all over with different horses than someone who was a cookie cutter rider. The second rider has no empathy or desire to adapt & tends to blame all mistakes on the horse.
You won't be that second rider.


----------



## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

What is your goal? To compete, to trail ride alone, or just to be a better rider and enjoy being on a horse? In three years with the same trainer, you should see your goal somewhere down the road, lessons should always have a little "Einstein" moment somewhere, if not, it really is time to find a different instructor. I have been riding many decades, gone through many instructors, when I don't have the little epiphanies during my lessons, off I go in search of another to teach me something else. Please don't get the idea you HAVE to switch trainers, you can have this with the same trainer, IF they are good ones.


----------



## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

It's definitely time for a change. A more supportive and positive instructor will do wonders for you. I don't know how much time you've spent on these horse forums, but you will frequently see posts about "lightbulb moments". Most of us go along for weeks, months, sometimes years not making any real progress and them suddenly learn something very eye opening and make a big jump in our riding skill level. Sometimes all it takes in a new pair of eyes on the ground. It's well worth waiting for, but you won't find it with your current instructor.


----------



## Gossalyn (Sep 12, 2013)

haha.. I also had a teacher to told me after first seeing me ride (I had been riding for a year then) "well, you're not a natural, so your just gonna have to be a good student." 

Do it because you enjoy it. Not because you're a natural at it. We all are TOO hard on ourselves. Riding well is REALLY hard. And as much as most of us after a year of riding realize how much there is to know and how little we do... know that you are not alone. Even though you may think everyone else rides so well - they all have their laundry list of things as well.

I know I will never be perfect. All I want is improvement.. but after riding for 3 years like yourself I wonder if there's a limit to my abilities. At the end of the day - I don't want to win a Grand Prix or be a professional athlete. At the end of the day I could go to the barn, ride a horse I like, who tolerates me well, and if I never got better I could enjoy the ride and the social time as is.

So while I still do try to get better, I stopped being hard on myself about whether it's actually occurring or not. I do my best and I enjoy it for what it is. It's come to my attention that it's going to be a slow road to perfection, which is so very typical of 99% of riders, so I might as well literally enjoy the ride... 

p.s. I 100% agree on finding a supportive atmosphere though. Your fellow riders really go a long way in making the experience fun and enjoyable...


----------



## Gossalyn (Sep 12, 2013)

to add: I still chase improvement like an addict though... just because i enjoy it and i don't beat myself up anymore - doesn't mean I'm not trying to soak up any and all information or feedback left and right


----------



## SueC (Feb 22, 2014)

Nothing to add!


----------



## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

Horse riding is one of those sports that to most people looking on, riding seems easy. It can seem effortless. You can look at a rider and think that they have no problems, everything is good, that it comes naturally to them. 

In this way, looking around at your peers its easy to feel like you are falling behind and running into all these troubles when they're not. That probably isn't true. 

So first - stop judging yourself against others. Not only are you not them, experiencing different things, having different pasts - but you also don't know their challenges. 

As a sport, horse riding can be hard for some people because progress is often not measurable or obvious. In some sports you have wins, faster times or higher personal records to judge yourself, horse riding for the most part doesn't have that. Not unless you are competing. There isn't any way for the amateur rider to objectively compare their performance a year ago with what they are doing now. So it's hard to know how much you actually are progressing. As others have said, people can ride for years and seem to not progress. It can be because they haven't been challenged, or it can be because they haven't had the opportunity to evaluate themselves. So consider what progress is, if it's accurate and relevant. Perhaps start taking down a short journal of your rides, highlight your challenges and your achievements and review them later on. 

On the subject of natural ability - some people are built to do things better. They might have better body control or better balance but really, after a little work, that difference is negligible. Your instructor shouldn't be saying that natural ability stuff, its irrelevant. 

As others have said, consider a new instructor. I've had at least 10 instructors in my riding career - you learn different things for different people. Changing it up can help sometimes.


----------

