# I feel like a bad person for not riding my horse



## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I know this is a hard thing to do, but you have to stop caring what people think. You are your own person. You control you! So what if you haven't seen you horse in months, that's why they have full board options! :wink: for all the know you could have been sick, either way it's none of their business. 

Personally, I think you and a friend should go down to the barn at a quiet time, even if it's just for 5 minutes. Face your fears. Think of how happy your horse is going to feel when he's munching on that carrot you bring him! Think of how satisfying it will be when you have gone to the barn and you didn't die dispite your feelings!! 

Also, maybe if this barn is to crowded and overwhelming for you consider switching to a smaller barn?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2140lacy (Mar 31, 2014)

Thanks i didnt think of bringing a friend  and this is the smallest barn around me i mean at tops there is 20 boarders but thats when we are packed most of the people are just people taking lessons It will be ard to face my fears but i guess ill just have to for my horse i mean as soon as i get back to going atleast once a week it wont be bad because i wont think people are talking about me its just the initial settling back in part but thank you


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## tinaev (Dec 2, 2012)

It sounds like your anxiety is getting in the way of your life. I would encourage you to make a doctor's appointment and get some help. Anxiety is miserable and there is no reason for you to suffer.

Bringing a friend is a really good idea. I'm sure it would be easier to go out at off peak times too so that you can avoid crowds of people. Those two things might help you get back into the swing of things. But please consider seeing your doctor.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Boy, you really beat yourself up. Horses don't feel the need to be ridden, so you've given him a vacation. Horses are often better after some real time off. Here's an example. A fellow had the lead in national cutting. The finals were in 3 mos. time. He began to feel slight changes in his mare so he took her home and turned her out. He never rode her until the Finals and she was brilliant. They won-Top Cutting Horse of the Year. The barn people aren't talking about you as much as you think they are so drop the guilt and go take your horse some treats. Should anyone ask - you've been so busy and hope that's behind you now.


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## hyperkalemic4 (Dec 8, 2014)

I think if you do not enjoy or care for the horse that you should sell it! Think of the $$ you would have to do charitable things with. I suppose you spend a lot on your horses care. Try to find an owner that would love and care for the horse and that should make you feel good.


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## EponaLynn (Jul 16, 2013)

I believe if you force yourself to go (with or without friend) that being with your horse will help to heal your anxiety. Horses are fabulous about that. Have you ever looked at it that way?

On another note, perhaps you should speak to a doctor about a prescription for anxiety if it is impacting your life that much.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

I would say don't give up on your dream until you go back out there and find out how you really feel once you are out there. Sometimes I get anxiety if I don't ride my green horse for a while and I imagine all the things that could go wrong. Then I get out there and ride and I feel so wonderful afterwards. It is like I am renewed. I might actually be nervous riding as well, but then everything falls into place and I feel wonderful afterwards.

I think taking an understanding friend is a good idea. Start off slow, love on your horse, be friendly to those you meet but don't give a rat's behind about what they may or may not think. You can't control what people think. But you might be pleasantly surprised and meet some new friends. 

Anyway, don't give up on your dream until you go out there a time or two. Because it might just be your anxiety getting the best of you. That sounds like what it is. I am not hearing that you don't care but that you care almost too much. I know the feeling! Best of luck.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

It may be the smallest advertised barn, but maybe you can start looking out for some 'backyard boarders'. I know a lot of people who have their own private facilities and board one or two horses either to keep their horse company, or just because they like having one or two people around. The facilities may not be the best, but at least that way you'll have a fresh start, nobody will be gossiping about you, and you'll only have a very small handful of people to deal with.

Are you on medication for you anxiety? Have you spoken with a therapist?


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## 2140lacy (Mar 31, 2014)

Thanks everyone this has made me feel 1000 times better and maybe i do need to go to a therapist but i definitely need to see im soon before he dies/cant be ridden anymore


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## 2140lacy (Mar 31, 2014)

hyperkalemic4 said:


> I think if you do not enjoy or care for the horse that you should sell it! Think of the $$ you would have to do charitable things with. I suppose you spend a lot on your horses care. Try to find an owner that would love and care for the horse and that should make you feel good.


Im sorry but this made me sooo mad :evil: I LOVE my horse and even though i dont see him i know he is been taken care of.you shouldnt just assume that people who dont see their horses dont love them and i dont give two craps about the money i could save / get :evil: Im sorry that i have to be mean but this just pressed the veryyyy wrong button I LOVE him with all my heart if i didnt i wouldnt own a horse because i COULD save money but id take im over money anyday Please next time think about peoples feelings


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

2140lacy said:


> Im sorry but this made me sooo mad :evil: I LOVE my horse and even though i dont see him i know he is been taken care of.you shouldnt just assume that people who dont see their horses dont love them and i dont give two craps about the money i could save / get :evil: Im sorry that i have to be mean but this just pressed the veryyyy wrong button I LOVE him with all my heart if i didnt i wouldnt own a horse because i COULD save money but id take im over money anyday Please next time think about peoples feelings


I think you yourself are doubting that you truly love and care for and are a good owner to your horse. So, to criticize someone else for thinking the same thing, based on your own post, and calling them mean for such, is unfair.

If you don't want to sell, that's completely understandable. But if owning the horse is causing you more pain than pleasure, then thinking about selling us not outrageous.


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## 2140lacy (Mar 31, 2014)

Well im sorry i didnt mean for it to sound like i thougt i didnt care for my orse i was just trying to find ways to ride


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

As a child I ran to my mother saying that so and so was talking about me.

My wise mother turned and said, "Well, if they are talking about you they are leaving someone else alone." 

Fear is a terrible thing, it can take a hold of you and become everything. The only one who can stop this is you. 
I agree you need to see a doctor about this and then get to the barn and start over. 

Good luck - it would make a good New Year resolution.


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## Reiningcatsanddogs (Oct 9, 2014)

We don’t come out of life without lots of bumps and bruises both literally and figuratively along the way. You are not a bad person, just one that has hit a rough patch. The fact that you are trying to find a way to do something about it is a testimony that you are indeed not “bad”. 
As you grow older you will find that there are petty people everywhere that seem to need drama in their lives and will use other people to fulfill that need. You, have to like you, enough not to care what they think. 
You are of value. You are lovable and you are unique. Not everyone is going to like you and that is okay. There will always be a lot of pressure to fit into a mold that others will make for you. As long as you do not hurt others and try to do right, there is nothing wrong with doing things a bit differently, if that is what works for you. 
Take a friend for emotional support and go see your horse, he will make you feel better about all sorts of things.


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## sunnyone (Sep 4, 2014)

I'm a little confused. You recently posted a thread about moving your horse, "12/15/14, Should I move stables" and you said your father would not let you move. 

Is that what is making you feel like you can't go there? You and the horse are not connected and may be too much horse for you? I'm just guessing from the previous thread.

Please talk to your father, he needs to understand what is going on and why you feel this way. He can help you work through this - no need to go it alone. Or Mom, or your school counselor, or another adult you trust that can talk to Dad if you feel you can't.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Lacy, just go visit your horse. I think you'll find the scenario is much different from what you've been imagining. I rode at a stable where owners didn't see their horses for months at a time. We didn't think any less of the owners because we realized that sometimes life gets in the way. These people were paying good money to have their horses cared for, it's not like they were neglected. Even if you don't ride, he might enjoy going for a walk and nibbling some grass.


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

IMO, you don't sound like a careless person. Like someone else stated, you seem to care since you try to find a way to go to the barn and see your horse.

Anxiety can really take the best out of the person. Also I suggest that you talk with a trustworthy adult. You shouldn't carry this all alone. There are options out there, like therapy or/and medication. Don't let your anxiety to win you.

Also, the idea of going with your friend sounds good. If the idea of going to the barn sounds totally overwhelming now, how about leasing your horse to someone for a while? That way you wouldn't need to have bad conscience over the horse and you could have your horse back when you feel better.

Best of the luck to you.


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## skiafoxmorgan (Mar 5, 2014)

2140lacy said:


> Well im sorry i didnt mean for it to sound like i thougt i didnt care for my orse i was just trying to find ways to ride


Then ride.

Sorry, but at some point, you have to acknowledge that the only one actually stopping you from riding is you. It's not other people, dad, fellow Horse Forum members, other boarders, the Easter bunny, or Santa. You may have anxiety or depression, and if so, you've an uphill battle to good health, but no one is stopping you. 

In fact, I know more than a few kids that would slap you silly. They'd kill to ride anything, and here you are, with a horse, NOT riding it. 

Just ride.


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

I am really scared of riding. I feel like I lose ALL control when my feet are not on the ground. Problem is, I *really* want to ride my horse. Yesterday, my dad rode him and then put me on the lunge line and I rode him in a circle. When dad asked if I wanted to be turned loose, a moment of panic. This horse is too strong for me. I might get scared and panic. I might lose control. I might I might I might.... I said... "Yeah alright." It was so cool! I know exactly where this horse and I stand right now. You have to stop worrying about the mights, and what ifs and the what will people thinks. Bite the big scary bullet and go see your horse. 

Stop caring what other people think. Only YOU think you are horrible for not seeing your horse and you aren't doing anything about it. Even if you go see him once a month, it's better than crying about it. The longer you wait, the worse you will feel. 

You aren't the only one with scheduling conflicts. The great thing is , your horse doesn't care about that. So what if the other people think poorly of you? They aren't living your life. They can say what they want. They aren't you.

You have your horse for you. It's not up to anyone else how you see him, or when you see him. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paige1806 (Dec 26, 2014)

If you don't feel comfortable riding your horse maybe just you and a friend or sibling go there to spend time with him, the people at the barn shouldn't do that to you because they don't know and don't understand what exactly you are going through. They have no right to judge because you are your own person you are allowed to make your own decisions and shouldn't be put down for it! Do you have a riding teacher or an adult there that you could go talk to (when it's quite of course) to maybe make a way that they can help you get back into being around your horse when it's more quiet?


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## LoveofOTTB (Dec 7, 2014)

I have slight anxiety disorder myself, and to tell you the truth my horse has helped me so much. I used to care what people thought about my riding when I was at the barn. Besides my trainer and a friend I hated people watching me ride, but I have gotten over that pretty well. I do not care anymore what other people think or say, no one knows everything single thing about horses, or can ride the perfect ride. We all have bad days on a horse and we all have good days on a horse, just like we all started out looking terrible, but with hard work, we have become better riders and people thanks to our horses.

I still get a little worried or upset when I go to the barn, I have a lot of things play out in my head 'what if he is hurt' or 'what if this person is there..and I want to ride?' I get over quickly when I see him in the pasture =]

I would also suggest going to a doctor, they do help a lot, along with horse time! Go with a friend to the barn, give your horse treats and a good groom! If it happens to become quiet while you are there, maybe tack up with that friend and go for a ride. Even a short 5 minute ride in the saddle at a walk will make your day so much better!

It does get better, trust me! Some of us deal with anxiety, some don't. But we have all at one point and time been where you have been in some sort of way. Chin up and go ride! (or groom!)


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## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

First of all, stop worrying about not riding your horse. Believe me, horses would much rather be left alone to eat in a safe place and they don't over think or analyze things like we humans do.

I have the same problem with boarding that you do but maybe a slightly milder form. The barn has 30 horses and it sometimes seems like you can never have any quiet alone time there without boarders being all over the place. Even though many are nice, decent people, some are not and I sometimes just want to be left alone. The only way to have quiet time is to go out very early or very late. Watch the schedule that other boards keep-we are creatures of habit and most will come out on _certain days at certain hours._ Avoid the barn at the times when the highest number of people are there.

As you grow up you will get better at ignoring what other people say or think about you-work on it. Your life is your own and really, who cares?

Try to find that quiet time with your horse and just groom him. Tell him your thoughts and I _promise_, he won't reveal them!

Talk to someone about your anxiety, don't let it get to the point of panic attacks. A professional or even just a good counselor will be able to help you understand what is going on.

In the meantime, start working on that guilt thing. Its hard but remember that being a horse person is _not_ all about riding. 90% of your time will be spent on the ground anyway and that is just as enjoyable.


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