# Life Isn't Working Out, Need Outside Advice



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Never make friends with a male landlord. They get this idea you are on the make. Even the married ones. Strictly business.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

Saddlebag said:


> Never make friends with a male landlord. They get this idea you are on the make. Even the married ones. Strictly business.


I think you've misunderstood somewhere along the line. If you're referring to the friendship I had with the previous landlords, they were a couple that I'd been close with for 11 years prior to living in their carriage house. If you're referring to my current situation, this is my father we're talking about. I'm quite content to keep business matters business, for many reasons, but above all because I enjoy being left well enough alone. Sorry for not communicating that effectively enough.


----------



## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I don't have any advice for you as I still like with my parents (I'm 17) but I just thought I'd pop in and say I'm sorry that you've had to deal with all of this. I can't imagine supporting myself at 15. You're very strong to have done as well as you have.

I really hope that things work out for you and that you find a permanent place to live, and for what its worth- I'll be praying and rooting for you! ^_^


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Many people are not able to find a job after two months of looking. What's your plan for money? How will you get a place to live without a job(places around me require proof of income before they will let you sign a lease). What are your backup plans?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Correct me if I am wrong aspin but it seems you want your father to treat you as a adult and yet you want to live rent free in his house to save money.
I also sense anger toward your father about his drug use and living conditions.
Thats understandable. However using his lack of parental skills as an excuse to not pay rent is not realistic.
Again if I missed something forgive me.
I think we are also seeing a pattern of behavior here . repeatedly moving in with others that are not stable well adjusted adults.
You need to break that habit before moving away or else you will repeat the cycle again and you and the cats will be living in your car.
If you cannot afford to move now pay rent and negotiate how much with your father. Treat him as you would any land lord. Save your money and move.
Good luck. Shalom


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

DancingArabian said:


> Many people are not able to find a job after two months of looking. What's your plan for money? How will you get a place to live without a job(places around me require proof of income before they will let you sign a lease). What are your backup plans?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I genuinely hope I'd be able to find work, as fortunately I'm planning this move to a true city, and business is booming. Initially, I'd also not be picky; anywhere would truly be fine. In the off chance that I couldn't find employment, which I do doubt, There is the unlikely possibility (if all else fails) to be on welfare, or to apply for a loan. Also, in Canada, landlords can't ask for proof of income, as any legal income is valid, be it employment or welfare. Though I know it's somewhat irrelevant, I feel the need to tell that I have never been on welfare before, nor do I ever want to be.

I really do realize it isn't ideal, but living here, the only upside is that I do have a job... nothing else is working. I legitimately cannot find an affordable place to live. So either I have no home here... or no job there. I'm screwed either way in that department.

I'm also considering re-establishing my ebay and etsy for another source of income, which is a possibility, though it would more extend my savings than supply a livable salary.

Thanks for the thoughts.


----------



## Chevaux (Jun 27, 2012)

If you can tolerate the human relationship aspect of your current situation with your dad and you feel you (and your cats) are safe now, then it becomes making the decision that is most helpful setting up for your future. I understand what you are saying about past issues with your dad but with a view to being a bit on the mercenary side, a nice little savings account is very helpful when you're making your way in the world. If you haven't already, do a financial analysis to help determine what it is better for you in the long run and then it becomes a) stay where you are, pay the surprise rent and save up or b) make the move early with all its intendant unknown financial surprises but less family angst.

Best of luck with everything.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

dbarabians said:


> Correct me if I am wrong aspin but it seems you want your father to treat you as a adult and yet you want to live rent free in his house to save money.
> I also sense anger toward your father about his drug use and living conditions.
> Thats understandable. However using his lack of parental skills as an excuse to not pay rent is not realistic.
> Again if I missed something forgive me.
> ...


The not paying rent here was pre-arranged before arriving, and also in exchange for other things, such as paying the vet bills and home renos. Him asking for rent in addition to me paying for those things is superfluous and not what was agreed to.
Also, as far as renting goes, the only shared living situation I've ever been in since cohabiting with my ex-boyfriend was in my last house, with a roommate. Otherwise my rentals have been just me renting a suite, never a room or a situation that should make me uncomfortable.

I will not be repeating the cycle, thank you. I intend to find gainful employment, and enjoy living in a city that provides affordable rent and is happy to allow cats. To give you an idea for rental costs, a bedroom here in a shared house, allowing students only (which is illegal), non-smoking, no pets, no parties, often runs above $700/month; anything allowing more space (such as a bachelor pad etc) or allowing pets you can count on being more expensive. Unfotunately, paying that and saving money simultaneously is not fiscally possible. What that's leaving me with is the option of being stuck here, or moving with less than planned.

Thanks for your thoughts.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

Chevaux said:


> If you can tolerate the human relationship aspect of your current situation with your dad and you feel you (and your cats) are safe now, then it becomes making the decision that is most helpful setting up for your future. I understand what you are saying about past issues with your dad but with a view to being a bit on the mercenary side, a nice little savings account is very helpful when you're making your way in the world. If you haven't already, do a financial analysis to help determine what it is better for you in the long run and then it becomes a) stay where you are, pay the surprise rent and save up or b) make the move early with all its intendant unknown financial surprises but less family angst.
> 
> Best of luck with everything.


Those were the exact numbers I had the calculator out for last night, thank you. Either is a possible scenario, and putting aside emotions, it's more so a matter of how much and often my father will ask for rent, as we had already agreed to alternate compensation and knowing him rent will leak above a fixed amount.
That said, I've been here 13 days and am already quite nonplussed about it, so even if everything goes perfectly, I'm not sure I'd make it to my intended date regardless.
Cheers.


----------



## 80acorns (Sep 20, 2013)

My sister in law just goes from guy to guy and shacks up w them. She has yet to need a full time job or pay for anything.

On a serious note, I would find a home for the cats if that is the issue finding a place. I also wouldn't assume you can find a job after moving. I would look first and be hired before moving.

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

80acorns said:


> My sister in law just goes from guy to guy and shacks up w them. She has yet to need a full time job or pay for anything.
> 
> On a serious note, I would find a home for the cats if that is the issue finding a place. I also wouldn't assume you can find a job after moving. I would look first and be hired before moving.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


On a very serious note, cats are not disposable and that is a terrible option to suggest.

Realistically, I would obviously try to find employment before leaving at all, that would be preferable, but bringing some savings with me would help if that weren't feasible.


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Sorry but no. If your backup plan is welfare the you've got no business moving. Working "anywhere" is not realistic. You might find a job that doesn't pay you enough. Then what? Welfare?

No.
That is incredibly irresponsible and selfish.

What are your job skills? What's your education? What are your future plans to provide for yourself?

Saying you'll just get whatever job and hope it all works out and if not there's always welfare is a horrible "plan".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

DancingArabian said:


> Sorry but no. If your backup plan is welfare the you've got no business moving. Working "anywhere" is not realistic. You might find a job that doesn't pay you enough. Then what? Welfare?
> 
> No.
> That is incredibly irresponsible and selfish.
> ...


I understand what you're saying, but are you also saying that being without a place to live here is a better plan? When I say whatever job, I do mean fast food would be fine. I don't have intentions to be on welfare, I'd much rather work. Unfortunately with the lack of rentals here, it's not providing me any options. There was a fairly regent crackdown on illegal suites here and decimated available suites by about 80% and drove up prices for the rest. I'm in a compromising situation that I've never been in before due to this. I hate everything about this situation and especially this town. Moving with 2 months of living expenses is better than being employed and homeless now, in my view. 
What would you do if you were in my shoes?


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Aspin the pattern I was speaking of is that you have moved 3 times each time did not work out. Now you want to move again.
Moving is not going to solve anything. Discuss the situation with your father . come to an agreement about what you can and are willing to pay. Get it in writing and stick to it. 
Before moving find a job and save money. If the cats are too expensive then yes as suggested they need to be placed elsewhere. That or continue to live in less than desirable conditions.
Your young think long term not just about temporary fixes. Once again good luck. Shalom


----------



## 80acorns (Sep 20, 2013)

aspin231 said:


> On a very serious note, cats are not disposable and that is a terrible option to suggest.
> 
> Realistically, I would obviously try to find employment before leaving at all, that would be preferable, but bringing some savings with me would help if that weren't feasible.


It's not a terrible option. It is a realistic option. Welcome to the real world where you have to make tough decisions. I didn't say throw them in a river, I suggested rehoming them. If you don't want to do that, then you are stuck in a crappy situation of your own design. Welcome to being an adult.

Sent from Petguide.com Free App


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

aspin231 said:


> I understand what you're saying, but are you also saying that being without a place to live here is a better plan? When I say whatever job, I do mean fast food would be fine. I don't have intentions to be on welfare, I'd much rather work. Unfortunately with the lack of rentals here, it's not providing me any options. There was a fairly regent crackdown on illegal suites here and decimated available suites by about 80% and drove up prices for the rest. I'm in a compromising situation that I've never been in before due to this. I hate everything about this situation and especially this town. Moving with 2 months of living expenses is better than being employed and homeless now, in my view.
> What would you do if you were in my shoes?


I would find a job where I was NOW and save up money. Yes your living situation is sucky, but that's not going to improve ever with the path you're going on. Pay your father some rent and get your act together. Stop worrying about what he's doing - as long as he's not involving you or endangering you, let him stuff himself full of whatever he wants. As long as the rent is paid and he doesn't blow your money on whatever.


What are your plans for the future? What are your job skills? What makes you employable? What about your education and future plans for an education?


----------



## JulieG (Jun 25, 2013)

Tough situation. 

I can't imagine giving my father "rent" every month just to watch him blow it on drugs.

That being said, it may be best to stay there for a few months, work as much as you can so you don't have to be around him, save as much money as you can and get out of there.


----------



## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

Just a thought, but maybe you should think about selling your good points to potential landlords better. Put yourself in a landlord's place - not every potential renter is quiet, clean, responsible and keeps to themselves and pays their rent on time. Get them to overlook the cat issue.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

dbarabians said:


> Aspin the pattern I was speaking of is that you have moved 3 times each time did not work out. Now you want to move again.
> Moving is not going to solve anything. Discuss the situation with your father . come to an agreement about what you can and are willing to pay. Get it in writing and stick to it.
> Before moving find a job and save money. If the cats are too expensive then yes as suggested they need to be placed elsewhere. That or continue to live in less than desirable conditions.
> Your young think long term not just about temporary fixes. Once again good luck. Shalom


I had settled in my mind to move a few months back, and moving sooner is only that- expediting the process. Also, there was never mention of my cats being unaffordable to me. The only way you might be seeing that they have become unaffordable is because of the lack of rentals. The lack of rentals was not caused by the cats, it just happens to be the issue I'm now facing that I've never had to face before in my four years of renting. 
The cats are staying, so is my horse, and that is non-negotiable.

The issue with paying rent is not my ability to afford it, more so that he has gone back on his word on what the agreement was. 

I also take great offense to your insinuation that I'm not thinking of my future. The point in leaving this town that I can't properly afford is to better my future. It puts me closer to schooling and better opportunities. I'm just trying to get there and facing some substantial adversity in the process.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

80acorns said:


> It's not a terrible option. It is a realistic option. Welcome to the real world where you have to make tough decisions. I didn't say throw them in a river, I suggested rehoming them. If you don't want to do that, then you are stuck in a crappy situation of your own design. Welcome to being an adult.
> 
> Sent from Petguide.com Free App


As I said, cats are not disposable. They are not going anywhere. I've had them both since they were kittens, one 8 years and one 3. What you're suggesting is akin to asking me to give away a child. 
What's transpiring currently is a temporary issue- ridding myself of the cats is both permanent and not a solution, so I do not see the logic in your argument.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

DancingArabian said:


> Sorry but no. If your backup plan is welfare the you've got no business moving. Working "anywhere" is not realistic. You might find a job that doesn't pay you enough. Then what? Welfare?
> 
> No.
> That is incredibly irresponsible and selfish.
> ...


I'm not sure where you think my standards lie, but my current income is minimum wage, working very close to full time. Going to a new province with two months of living expenses is more than prudent in my opinion, since all I'd initially be searching for is any job that pays minimum wage, and thankfully those can be found.
I can infer from your posts that you've never taken any kind of risk, and if that's the way you want to live, enjoy. I also assume you have at least 2 months of living expenses just sitting in your bank account, since you're criticizing my plan of doing exactly that. 
As I said before, I have no intentions of going on welfare, and only really suggested it since you seem to think that in two months, I won't be able to find a McJob.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

DancingArabian said:


> I would find a job where I was NOW and save up money. Yes your living situation is sucky, but that's not going to improve ever with the path you're going on. Pay your father some rent and get your act together. Stop worrying about what he's doing - as long as he's not involving you or endangering you, let him stuff himself full of whatever he wants. As long as the rent is paid and he doesn't blow your money on whatever.
> 
> 
> What are your plans for the future? What are your job skills? What makes you employable? What about your education and future plans for an education?


I am employed- where did you miss this?! I'm living with my father due to a massive downturn in the amount of available rentals, and subsequent price increase in the ones remaining- not due to lack of funds. I am saving and have been saving. I suggest you re-read my initial post.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

JulieG said:


> Tough situation.
> 
> I can't imagine giving my father "rent" every month just to watch him blow it on drugs.
> 
> That being said, it may be best to stay there for a few months, work as much as you can so you don't have to be around him, save as much money as you can and get out of there.


That's what I intend to do, and I'm glad there are some that share my logic. I appreciate your reply.



Missy May said:


> Just a thought, but maybe you should think about selling your good points to potential landlords better. Put yourself in a landlord's place - not every potential renter is quiet, clean, responsible and keeps to themselves and pays their rent on time. Get them to overlook the cat issue.


The unfortunate thing is that with so few rentals and so many people wanting them, the ones with pets are being thrown by the wayside, regardless of responsibility. In all my meetings with landlords, there really doesn't seem to be any real screening process, it's whoever is there first with the deposit, who fits their criteria, gets the house. This is truly a pet-phobic town with only about 5-10% of rentals listing pets allowed. This wasn't the case just a year ago but unfortunately is now and that is putting me in a compromising situation. Thanks for your thoughts.


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Aspin you are the one who asked for advice. Expecting it all to come coated in sugar is unrealistic. Some of it you may not want to hear but it might be given from a person who has experienced the same thing you are.
No need to be defensive no one is judging you and if they are then that is their problem.
Asking for advice to improve your living conditions is a smart thing to do.
Make a plan and if I were you I would have more than 2 months of salary saved for the move.
You are intelligent and deserve to live as well as you can. making that happen is not going to be without sacrifice and struggle.
Once again good luck. Shalom


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

dbarabians said:


> Aspin you are the one who asked for advice. Expecting it all to come coated in sugar is unrealistic. Some of it you may not want to hear but it might be given from a person who has experienced the same thing you are.
> No need to be defensive no one is judging you and if they are then that is their problem.
> Asking for advice to improve your living conditions is a smart thing to do.
> Make a plan and if I were you I would have more than 2 months of salary saved for the move.
> ...


Yes, I did ask for advice, what I expected was less of a personal attack and more discussion of options. There is definitely judging going on and for some reason it's being assumed that what I've put out as a potential plan is set in stone, which simply isn't the case. I'm in a very compromising situation due to circumstances outside of my control and am looking for ideas that could help resolve the issue. What's happening, even from you, is a lack of attention to what I've made sure to say and ridiculous suggestions given the circumstances. 
I am obviously trying to make a plan. I can either have two months of expenses saved in 2-3 months or in 10 months, depending on where I'm living and the rental rate there. I cannot afford to live in this town and am trying to leave for that reason, among others. I can't see how trying to get myself in to a position where I can actually further my life warrants the criticism I have received.


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

aspin231 said:


> I had settled in my mind to move a few months back, and moving sooner is only that- expediting the process. Also, there was never mention of my cats being unaffordable to me. The only way you might be seeing that they have become unaffordable is because of the lack of rentals. The lack of rentals was not caused by the cats, it just happens to be the issue I'm now facing that I've never had to face before in my four years of renting.
> The cats are staying, so is my horse, and that is non-negotiable.
> 
> The issue with paying rent is not my ability to afford it, more so that he has gone back on his word on what the agreement was.
> ...


I did not see this before I posted my last comments. i did not state that you were not thinking of your future just that you needed to think long term not temporary fixes/ anyone that has moved 3 times in 5 years due to unpleasant circumstances is thinking short term solutions.
horses and cats are luxuries and if they are non negotiable then IMPO you are not willing to take the steps to better your living conditions. Stop making excuses and take action.
Before you dismiss me allow me to inform you that I am a psychologist and have counseled others in the same situation.
i do not think you are stupid nor do I think you are being foolish. However making the changes in your life to better yourself will demand compromising your current standards. Once again good luck. Shalom


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

dbarabians said:


> I did not see this before I posted my last comments. i did not state that you were not thinking of your future just that you needed to think long term not temporary fixes/ anyone that has moved 3 times in 5 years due to unpleasant circumstances is thinking short term solutions.
> horses and cats are luxuries and if they are non negotiable then IMPO you are not willing to take the steps to better your living conditions. Stop making excuses and take action.
> Before you dismiss me allow me to inform you that I am a psychologist and have counseled others in the same situation.
> i do not think you are stupid nor do I think you are being foolish. However making the changes in your life to better yourself will demand compromising your current standards. Once again good luck. Shalom


Putting yourself first is obviously paramount, however, if you've been counseling others to rid themselves of their companion animals when there were alternatives, what you've successfully done is displaced animals needlessly and for foolish reasons.
It may also shock you to learn that I've lived in 8 houses in the past 4 years. I'm quite happy to go in to detail via PM, but the reasons for moving were not for short term solutions- all were meant to last. Please, PM me, I'd like to enlighten you.
Also, it is not my actions but the lack of available rentals, that is causing my inability to find one, making my living conditions less than desirable. As I have already said, due to illegal suites being taken off the market, there are about 80% less available rentals. The prices of the ones remaining have gone up due to basic supply and demand. Finding affordable rentals has never been an issue before in the past, but unfortunately there are absolutely zero within my budget in this city, just now since the number of suites declined.
What I'm trying to do is move to a city where the rentals are within my budget, even assuming I'd be working at minimum wage. The rentals there cost about 40% less than here. That would put me in a more optimal position to better my future. That is where the long term solutions come in. I recognize that this city cannot provide me with that, and want to leave so I can eek out a better life.


----------



## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

What Julie said.

I'm impressed with your maturity, at age 19 for goodness' sakes! 

Agree that so many landlords are cold with the "No pets!" these days! 

Yet, beyond that, the entire world is going down the tubes, so my suggestion is to remember that G-d is in control, & to hand your life over to him, for a major de-stressor!

When I get frustrated with my life & the way that the world is deteriorating, I tell myself, "G-d controls it all, so praise G-d, He knows what He's doing."

Good Luck!


----------



## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

Just curious, but where does the horse fit into your financial situation and also in your move. I would personally be more concerned with that aspect than I would be of you other animals. A really big and costly responsibility in my opinion.

Not attacking, just trying to understand.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

bkylem said:


> Just curious, but where does the horse fit into your financial situation and also in your move. I would personally be more concerned with that aspect than I would be of you other animals. A really big and costly responsibility in my opinion.
> 
> Not attacking, just trying to understand.


The expense of moving him with me is included in my figures for my move in general. In my plan for saved living expenses, that's one of the expenses accounted for as well. I'm quite used to lugging him around. As a plus, board is cheaper there than here too.

I honestly am not in financial peril (and not a spec of debt), I just can't afford to pay the high rental rates here, which as I've said, have spiked, and also save for my move in a reasonable amount of time. It's one or the other, really.


----------



## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

Your situation sounds really tough. Parents are supposed to support their children, you're covering your food and utilities, and offering to help with renovations and pet bills instead of paying rent. I think this is reasonable but even if others don't, your father agreed to this. Sure the "real world" is hard but in the "real world" if someone were to rent out a room for an agreed upon sum they can't just up it whenever they like. 

I think some people on here are being unfair. Finding decent accommodation can be so hard and often it's awful. For many years I'd move 4 or sometimes 5 times a year just from house to house. That's what the reality is for a lot of people looking for rooms in that price bracket. You're sharing with strangers that 90% aren't how they claim to be, and when they start taking your things, not paying bills and generally living in ways that make it very difficult for you to live yours you have to move. It doesn't mean you're making bad decisions or anything, just the reality of the situation. 

I don't know the system your countries, but here "welfare" payments are designed to help people get through tricky situations, help people get on their feet. If a 19 year old with poor housing, no parental support moves to a city to get a good job and find opportunities and is seriously looking for work needs support, then that's what I think welfare is for. Moving to this place, finding a good job and paying taxes pays back what she used. To me that's what the system was designed for. I'm not saying it's a plan to go on it, but it's not a shameful or disgraceful thing. 

My advice is to be sure that things will be better in this city. Research employment, industries and such because often, even though there are many more jobs advertised, the unskilled unemployment rate can be higher in cities. The applicants are better educated and with more experience (just because there is more of them), and people in cities can be less likely to take a chance on someone. So really be sure. When I was younger I thought it was a great idea to move to the city, work, life, housing etc and I did. After going through a few jobs that just did not work out I found a okay one, but then decided to go get educated. It wasn't anything like I thought in the city, it wasn't really anything at all. Just another big place full of strangers. Living in the country, smaller cities and towns, I've found more opportunity.


----------



## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

I vote to try to find a way to make it work where you are until you have enough money put aside to do your move as planned. Mostly because, if the rentals are that much cheaper in the other town, there is a reason and that reason might be job force related. Usually, the more work that is available, the less rentals that are available. If there are lots of rentals, it's because people are moving out due to lack of employment options. Not always, but mostly.

Also, trying to find a rental unit in the other town with cats might be just as hard as where you are now. Research this before you move.

Also, in Canada landlords can't ask for proof of income? I didn't know that. I know that they often ask for references and job history, but I don't know what they are or aren't allowed to do.


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

aspin231 said:


> I'm not sure where you think my standards lie, but my current income is minimum wage, working very close to full time. Going to a new province with two months of living expenses is more than prudent in my opinion, since all I'd initially be searching for is any job that pays minimum wage, and thankfully those can be found.
> I can infer from your posts that you've never taken any kind of risk, and if that's the way you want to live, enjoy. I also assume you have at least 2 months of living expenses just sitting in your bank account, since you're criticizing my plan of doing exactly that.
> As I said before, I have no intentions of going on welfare, and only really suggested it since you seem to think that in two months, I won't be able to find a McJob.



You're inferring incorrectly  When I first moved out of my mother's house, it was to a place 1,000 miles away, to an apartment I had only seen in pictures on the internet to a city where I only had a few internet friends and did not have a job lined up nor a vehicle to get around in. Heck, I didn't even know how to drive a car or even pump gas.

I saved up for several months to be able to afford the move. I signed a short-term lease on an apartment with an option to renew, and paid off the lease in full before I moved in. Here, landlords ask for proof of income and a few other things. However, if you pay it all up front, they will not check.

Pretty risky, I'd say. 

It must be a US thing, because I know people who have spent YEARS looking for "any" job and can't get hired. So yes, given our current economical situation here in the US, of course I'm going to think that making a big leap like the one you're planning with only 2 months of savings is a huge risk.


----------



## redpony (Apr 17, 2012)

My biggest concern and first question is are you safe? Are there drugs/drug use in the house? Do his friends come over intoxicated/high? Does he have anger issues?
Your personal safety is your first priority.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sunandbeach (Oct 20, 2013)

I am so sorry for the situation you are in....you are correct...if you dad agreed that you would pay vet bills and do some home improvements in lieu of rent....that deal should hold....maybe you can try talking with him again....but if he is using drugs...he may not be clear minded enough to have this discussion....is there a church in you community that can possibly could help you.....or another family member that you could stay with until you can save enough money for a move with another job secured before you would move?


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

Saskia said:


> Your situation sounds really tough. Parents are supposed to support their children, you're covering your food and utilities, and offering to help with renovations and pet bills instead of paying rent. I think this is reasonable but even if others don't, your father agreed to this. Sure the "real world" is hard but in the "real world" if someone were to rent out a room for an agreed upon sum they can't just up it whenever they like.
> 
> I think some people on here are being unfair. Finding decent accommodation can be so hard and often it's awful. For many years I'd move 4 or sometimes 5 times a year just from house to house. That's what the reality is for a lot of people looking for rooms in that price bracket. You're sharing with strangers that 90% aren't how they claim to be, and when they start taking your things, not paying bills and generally living in ways that make it very difficult for you to live yours you have to move. It doesn't mean you're making bad decisions or anything, just the reality of the situation.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the advice. I do intend to continue schooling once there, settled and enjoying things, which is one of the reasons I want to move. The industries available there are more in tune with what I want to do in life than where I am now. 
I also appreciate your comment on the welfare situation. There are obviously people who abuse the system, but it is similarly geared here.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

NorthernMama said:


> I vote to try to find a way to make it work where you are until you have enough money put aside to do your move as planned. Mostly because, if the rentals are that much cheaper in the other town, there is a reason and that reason might be job force related. Usually, the more work that is available, the less rentals that are available. If there are lots of rentals, it's because people are moving out due to lack of employment options. Not always, but mostly.
> 
> Also, trying to find a rental unit in the other town with cats might be just as hard as where you are now. Research this before you move.
> 
> Also, in Canada landlords can't ask for proof of income? I didn't know that. I know that they often ask for references and job history, but I don't know what they are or aren't allowed to do.


The city I'm moving to is notoriously livable, and has a certain _joie de vivre_ and culture that helps keep living costs low. I have had three of my former classmates move there actually, and from what they tell me, that is truly the case.

As for asking for proof of income, I know at very least that in BC they cannot. Unless your money is suspected of coming from an illegal source, the tenancy acts basically says that it's none of their business where you get it from. That's not to say that some landlords don't push the envelope regardless.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

DancingArabian said:


> You're inferring incorrectly  When I first moved out of my mother's house, it was to a place 1,000 miles away, to an apartment I had only seen in pictures on the internet to a city where I only had a few internet friends and did not have a job lined up nor a vehicle to get around in. Heck, I didn't even know how to drive a car or even pump gas.
> 
> I saved up for several months to be able to afford the move. I signed a short-term lease on an apartment with an option to renew, and paid off the lease in full before I moved in. Here, landlords ask for proof of income and a few other things. However, if you pay it all up front, they will not check.
> 
> ...


With all due respect, it seems that you were much more unprepared for your move than I will be for mine. This move isn't my "first foray" in the "real world" as I've been out and about for four years and have a better idea about what renting entails. I won't be renting sight unseen as I have friends who have agreed to put me up while I view places (though it is an hour out of the city) so I'll be actually able to meet the landlords etc before moving in. Though not really necessary, I do have a car, know how to pump gas and have been driving for a few years. So yes, I'd qualify what you did as risky, but for different reasons to what I'm doing. You would have had less life experience then than I do now.
Also, I do think the US economy is worse off than the Canadian one, at least for lower-end jobs. Basically here, if you want a job badly enough, there is always someone looking. Perhaps in the states it would be riskier.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

redpony said:


> My biggest concern and first question is are you safe? Are there drugs/drug use in the house? Do his friends come over intoxicated/high? Does he have anger issues?
> Your personal safety is your first priority.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm safe enough, I suppose.
I wouldn't be here if I had been able to find another option.
Which is why I'd like to move sooner than initially anticipated.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

sunandbeach said:


> I am so sorry for the situation you are in....you are correct...if you dad agreed that you would pay vet bills and do some home improvements in lieu of rent....that deal should hold....maybe you can try talking with him again....but if he is using drugs...he may not be clear minded enough to have this discussion....is there a church in you community that can possibly could help you.....or another family member that you could stay with until you can save enough money for a move with another job secured before you would move?


I also think that he should keep to what he agreed to, but we'll have to see what happens. I will try to talk to him again but who knows what the outcome will be.
I really wish I could say I had other options but the next closest family are my grandparents and they turned me down, and the rest of my family is dispersed elsewhere. We're not from this town initially.


----------



## Northern (Mar 26, 2010)

Keep your chin up, & shame on your father for being a druggie & going back on his WORD, & probably shame on your grandparents, too! I mean, you're not even old enough to buy a bottle of beer in the US!


----------



## azarni (Aug 17, 2008)

I did something kinda sorta similar. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and knew the only way to fix my life was by physically removing myself from the situation and city. I was 19 and in second year university - I knew my parents would flip if I told them I wanted to move away, drop my classes, and start completely fresh. I NEEDED out though, they didn't know half of that awful relationship.

So I didn't tell them. Or anybody. I organized the move from central BC to AB in less than 2 weeks, got a place to live through a friend of my then-current landlord. I booked the plane ticket, left my parents a note explaining my actions, and didn't tell them until I had boarded the plane. It wasn't easy and it took some guts, but it was the only way I could do it. I found a job within a couple weeks, pushed through all the scary crap that's inevitable when moving alone to a new, unfamiliar city. If you want something badly enough, you WILL make it happen. It's that simple. I've been living here for a year now, and wouldn't have done anything differently.

I can relate to feeling trapped, especially when your only option is seen as rash and risky by society's standards. It's your life and your happiness, and only you have the right to dictate that.

Kijiji is your friend. While I didn't find my current living situation on there, I've found lots of great jobs, roommates and even my current boarding place on kijiji.

Good luck, do what you have to do! Your gut is your best guide.


----------



## aspin231 (Mar 20, 2010)

An update on the situation:
I spoke with my father again and he seems to be okay with the agreement we had initially, so that's great, though I'm not entirely sure this will be a one time issue!
I plan on saving as much as possible, meaning at least the two months of living expenses that I think will suit me, then I'm leaving. 
Thanks for the thoughts everyone.


----------

