# Changing Barns is HARD!



## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

WOW! My anxiety level is at about a ten. The barn I've been at for 11 years isn't working for me anymore. It's a pristine, well-kept barn where the horses get excellent care. Access to great trails, which is primarily what I do. The problem? It's evolved into a teenager's jumping barn and that's where all the energy and focus goes. When I started there, I had many friends who were trailriders and we accomodated each other's schedules. Over time, that too has changed until I only have one person to trail with and only if I can make her 2:30 start time. My new western pleasure Paint needs more training and I need more lessons, but not in jumping. SOOOOO.....I found a new barn, or rather an old barn, taken over by new owners, that specializes in Paints. That barn is no where near as beautiful and consistently clean as the barn I'm at now, but the people are awesome, friendly and the trainer is superb. The horses are well cared for but the aisles are not always swept and there are no fancy individual lockers for each boarder. But people seem to be having fun and the horses are super happy and well behaved. At the barn I'm at now we all have to have leather halters and leads, blanket bags in the barn colors and it's always immaculate. I'm so afraid to tell my current owner that I'm leaving. She'll say that I'm going to a slum situation. I can just hear it. But I'm an adult and I know what I need. Still it's hard to leave a place you've been at for 11 years! But honestly, I haven't been really happy there for the past 3 years. So I know what I need to do. Bottom line - leaving barns, changing barns can be a difficult and tricky thing. As horse lovers we can only hope that the humans handle it in an adult and healthy manner. Can someone write a book on how to do this? MoonlightEm


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

The way I look at it, you're going to barn that would drive many people bonkers (you *have* to use a leather halter? Really?) to one that sounds fantastic. 

I've gone that opposite way. And, luckily, back. I "grew up" at a laid-back stable, surrounded by friendly people who did everything from dressage to herding cows to endurance, and it wasn't the cleanest or neatest-looking facility but the people were wonderful and the horse care excellent. From there I went to New England for university and kept my horse at the college barn, which was a little bit like your old barn but not as anal until it got a new barn manager my junior year. She set out rules similar to the ones you illustrated. So I spent the next two years rebelling and testing enforcement of said rules by getting rid of any and all solid coloured saddle pads and acquiring a collection of ones like those in the pics on my horse's profile (a few examples of the many), keeping all clippers and clipper-like devices as far away from my horse as possible, threatening dismemberment to anyone who *thought* of chopping her mane off, and buying a traffic cone-coloured halter (which sadly, over the years, has faded to the colour of an ill salmon). As I'd come from a background of doing what I wanted so long as it wasn't outrageously dangerous or stupid, I wasn't going to tolerate levels of micromanagement dictating how long my horse's mane was and such. Hence I went out of my way to give it the 'two fingers.' I think I got away with it because the barn manager knew I'd be gone in a couple years anyway but I doubt I was ever her favourite person. 

In other words, you are now free to buy the most garish, hideous, neon halter you can find!


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## Courtney (May 20, 2011)

Wow. I think I'd go nuts in a barn that enforced colors, mane lengths and other silly things. I specifically picked a barn that would let me do whatever I wanted, provided it was safe. I ended up at a barn that had no set hours - boarders get a key and show up whenever. As long as gates are locked, lights are off and barn is closed, all is well. I'm the only English rider in a stable full of Western people and that's okay. No one cares. We all get together, trail ride and shoot the sh-t because we genuinely enjoy being there. Everyone brings their own trunks, their own feed containers, their own tack... so you can imagine the myriad of colors and conditions we have. One boarder has a metal garden shed as her personal tack room, for goodness sakes! Sure, the barn is old, but it is safe and kept in good repair. There are few rules, but all are designed to keep horse and rider safe.

I think you'll be much happier at your new barn, even if it isn't 100% clean all the time.


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

Thanks! Both of those posts were helpful and supportive. You're right. Cleanliness is not always the most important factor. Yesterday I dropped in at the "new"barn and it felt so "right." BO, trainer and some other adults were sitting in the main aisle relaxing and talking. I joined them and it was great. At my current barn it's always the teens and BO at the picnic table. I loved the fact that this was adults having a break together. Owner invited me to stay and ride one of her horses but I needed to go see mine at my current barn. Before I left I was able to discuss with her how anxious I feel about giving notice to current BO. She gave me some advice and was SO understanding. This new BO is more my age and a very kind person. Current barn BO is 30ish and a good person, but yes - ANAL! Well, today is the day I need to give my month's notice. Hope it goes O.K. EM


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## gigem88 (May 10, 2011)

Your new barn sounds like my kinda place! If it feels right to you, then you shouldn't feel bad about leaving. It's always hard to leave the familiar and head to the unknown. Good luck and let us know how it went with the old BO.


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## Calmwaters (Aug 24, 2011)

I agree you old barn is not cool I mean its your horse if you want his mane a certain way or to use a different halter you should be able to. I think you will be much happier at your new barn.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

If they are more focused on Jumpers and may be glad you are leaving so they can bring in another boarder with the same interests. My best advice would be to not burn any bridges incase you need to come back. I am sure they will understand.


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

I am trying to understand the concept that I see alot of on this forum. People seem to have lost sight of the fact that barn owners are a business, and the boarders are the customers. If the business is no longer meeting my needs I wouldnt loose a second worrying about what that owner says or feels, why should I care. If my plumber decides he doesnt want to fix copper pipes anymore and only wants to work on PVC, you think I would get in a tizzy about his feelings if I wanted copper pipes ? No Id find another. So I dont see why your curren BO feelings or opinions are even an issue. Give notice as it is spelled out in your contract and leave it at that.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

Joe4d said:


> I am trying to understand the concept that I see alot of on this forum. People seem to have lost sight of the fact that barn owners are a business, and the boarders are the customers. If the business is no longer meeting my needs I wouldnt loose a second worrying about what that owner says or feels, why should I care. If my plumber decides he doesnt want to fix copper pipes anymore and only wants to work on PVC, you think I would get in a tizzy about his feelings if I wanted copper pipes ? No Id find another. So I dont see why your curren BO feelings or opinions are even an issue. Give notice as it is spelled out in your contract and leave it at that.


 It's not a plumber that she see's when her plumbing leaks it's like a nanny that has taken good care of her child for 10 years and friendships along the way.


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

Churumbeque - you are SO right! Thanks! I had the WORST encounter with my barn owner tonight - insulting, belittling and hostile. My anxiety was sky high when I got up the nerve to tell her I was leaving after 11 years. (She's a **** jumping barn for teens and I'm an adult western rider and she has no programs for her adults!) She reemed me up one side and down the other said every vile thing she could thing of about the new barn I'm going to. I just listened and thought "wow, I've made the right decision." Told me I'd never ever be welcome at her barn again - closed to me forever! Yes, she runs a ship-shape operation and impeccable care for the horses, but I haven't been able to grow at all in my equestrian life. She claims that I could have but didn't take advantage. BUT she's an accomplished jumper and I don't jump at all. I tried to hand her a nice letter I'd written her with my last month's board but she wouldn't take it. So I said, "guess I should leave this on your bulletin board" and I turned and left. Meanwhile at my new barn and horsey family, after I dissolved into tears about how the farewell had gone, the BO said, "if you at all feel uncomfortable at your barn, call me and you come here for free until Nov 1st. That made me cry really big tears that she'd care so much about my feelings. Why, oh why do some horse people have to be so exclusive and mean! I tried to exit the barn properly and be respectful. So, So glad I'm going to a new place with warmth, caring for both the horses and people and a sense of fellowship. Em


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## Calmwaters (Aug 24, 2011)

Wow Moonlight she sounds very childish. I personally would go ahead and move my horse to the new barn instead of haveing to deal with her to go see your horse.


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

*Omg!*

Well, I didn't have to even think about leaving my old barn early. BO came over to me today, after I came in from a trailride and said, "here is your October board back - we all want you out of here now." I told her to keep the $800 as I owed her a month's notice. She said no she didn't want it but she and all the other boarders wanted me gone. O.K.!!! I'm not a confrontational person so I just said I'd to try to arrange something for tomorrow. I spent the rest of the afternoon loading my stuff into my car. What a sad, sad way to end 11 years of boarding. I cried as I cleaned out my tack locker, wishing desperately that she could just understand that I'm leaving to go to a Western Pleasure barn where I can do clinics and training. She is a hunter/jumper. For 8 of my years with her I had a well-trained QH that I could trailride alone and basically do anything with. Three years ago I got a Paint who I want to do some different things with and new barn will help me do it. Barn owners out there - try to be kind, understanding people. The BO at my new is!


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

*Omg!*

Well, I didn't have to even think about leaving my old barn early. BO came over to me today, after I came in from a trailride and said, "here is your October board back - we all want you out of here now." I told her to keep the $800 as I owed her a month's notice. She said no she didn't want it but she and all the other boarders wanted me gone. O.K.!!! I'm not a confrontational person so I just said I'd to try to arrange something for tomorrow. I spent the rest of the afternoon loading my stuff into my car. What a sad, sad way to end 11 years of boarding. I cried as I cleaned out my tack locker, wishing desperately that she could just understand that I'm leaving to go to a Western Pleasure barn where I can do clinics and training. She is a hunter/jumper. For 8 of my years with her I had a well-trained QH that I could trailride alone and basically do anything with. Three years ago I got a Paint who I want to do some different things with and new barn will help me do it. Barn owners out there - try to be kind, understanding people. The BO at my new is!


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

This has been tough for you but it sounds like it is a good thing. You had an abscess and it popped, so to speak, and now you are free to heal, no longer will be lame, don't have to worry when/where it's gonna pop. It's over and it's all going to be better now. 

BTW, I don't have a lot of experience with BOs because I've had different arrangements that yours, but the barn with the matchy matchy colors, etc -- you know what that sounds like? Playing Barbies. I mean it. 

Give me fun, friendship, healthy/happy horses, sweat, rumpled clothes and happy smiles after a great ride or a new achievement ANY DAY! A few wisps of hay and straw in the aisles are a small price to pay for a place to grow and learn and make connections. 

I hope your move goes well and you and your horse settle in smoothly!


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

I know it will all be good tomorrow when my horse is settled into his new home. But today was horrible. I'd been at that barn for 11 years - through 9/11 when the jets from Otis scrambled and took off right over our barn to try to intercept the terrorists. I'm in shock that I was treated so badly. But I guess I shouldn't be. There have always been signs that this BO is self-centered, cold, immature and not a people person. She couldn't have hurt me more! But new barn is warm, open, accepting and loving. M


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## natisha (Jan 11, 2011)

It's too bad it went down like that but it's not your fault. Take your money back & be happy.
I never understood the 30 day notice thing. Sure, it supposed to be so they can find a replacement boarder but more times than not it's used as a cruelty period.
I've left a few barns without notice or paying for a month that I wouldn't be there. I've told people to sue me- none did.
I have my own barn now & my contract states that no notice is required. I figure if someone wants to leave they should be able to without any stress. I've never lost a boarder unless they sold the horse or moved to their own place.
I don't have fancy tack lockers or a long list of rules but I do require leather halters for the rare occasion that I may need to turn a horse out wearing a halter. Boarders can use whatever they want otherwise.
Go to the new place, have fun & don't look back.


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## Maverick101 (Nov 8, 2009)

I agree w your decision, as a Barn owner myself, not sure how some Barn owners get/keep boarders....I would never treat a boarder that way even if i did not like them, or had an issue with them, its just not right.....

I do have that a month notice in my boarding contract is required, as it is nice to have notice so you can make arrangements for another potential boarder, but if the boarder wanted to leave early, I let them, I wont hold the horse hostage as long as all fees are paid in full.

I will say that I do understand the leather halter "rule" as if horses are turned out w halters it is safer, as they will break easier then nylon if caught up on something. same goes w pulling in cross ties ect, leather will break before a nylon one....that rule is for the horses safety not to be matchy matchy.


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## RoxanneElizabeth (Dec 18, 2009)

I recently gave my 30 day notice. It is interesting how some of the boarders are directly insulted that I have chosen to leave. I will never figure people out! Hope you both LOVE it at the new place.


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

We're all moved!!! Thankfully, today went without a hitch. My new barn (SF, for short) was there with trailer at appointed time. My horse loaded right on like an old pro and off we went. I am SO relieved!!! Montana settled in like a champ once he got in a turnout where he could see all the other horses at his new digs. This coming weekend we're doing a Western Pleasure clinic with some great trainers/judges from N.Y. I'm in MA. That is something I'd never have had the opportunity to do at old barn. So all is good, but phew!!! I was wrung out from all the drama leading up to the move. Went to a yoga class tonight (Bikram) and feel so renewed and ready to get on with the next chapter of my horse life. Yaaaa!!!!! Thanks Horse Forum family for your wonderful support through all of this!!! Em


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

But doesn't the friggin' drama continue. Thing is - I'm not taking the bait. My old BO (for past 11 years) is now posting pics on Facebook and posting about the trailrides she's doing and getting a Sunday trail group going. That's just a slap at me. She could have given a rat's *** all the years that I had no one to trailride with. She never offered to do a trail with me. It's only because I've had the "nerve" to leave her precious barn. Whoever said she's immature had it right. So pathetic!!!!


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## raywonk (Jan 9, 2011)

I hate it for you. I whint threw something like that and it broke my heart. Some people can be so heartless. I am still going threw it and I am at my own house and my own property but I share with my in-laws. Ug. I am glad that you have found a new place and are having fun.


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## BarnBum (Oct 23, 2009)

Good move!!


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

Hey, just an idea about that trail ride -- you should be there when they leave and come back. With all of the arena focus, e.g. jumping barn, I bet you could take a bunch of really cool videos of "children screaming back to barn after wild rides". Ha ha!


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## DressageIsToDance (Jun 10, 2010)

I was at a barn similar, although not nearly as bad, recently. Thankfully, I was only there for about 6 months. That's incredibly rude, not to mention bad business, what your BO did.

I'd well prefer a less fancy barn with better people.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

I would "unfriend" her on Facebook if I were in your shoes. Do you really want someone who treats you like that as your "friend?"


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

Silverspear, I did exactly as you suggested! Last night I decided - enough is enough!! I unfriended her and every person at that barn who was on my friend page. It's a new chapter in my, and my horse's life and I want it to be only about the positive. Don't need any more passive-aggressive drama and looking at posts on FB that are meant to hurt me. 
At my new barn, so many people have come up to me to say welcome, you've made a wonderful choice, you're going to have alot of fun, we're glad to have you, you're horse is beautiful, this is a friendly group of people who are trying to really build this barn into something. All positive and kind comments!!!! The barn is actually so run down because it sat on the real estate market for 5 years. The old, old owner who lost it, was a drug addict and hadn't kept the place up. New owner is trying desperately to get it back to a well-functioning equine facility.
First thing she did was to replace all the wiring and lighting in case mice had chewed wires while the place sat unused. Not a cosmetic update but a necessary one. I'm happy to be part of this effort and look forward to years of fun - starting with a clinic this weekend. I've never taken part it one!


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## raywonk (Jan 9, 2011)

I think clinics are supper fun. You get to learn from a teacher and from watching your pears.


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

thesilverspear said:


> I would "unfriend" her on Facebook if I were in your shoes. Do you really want someone who treats you like that as your "friend?"


That's the first thing that came to my mind.


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## Jacksmama (Jan 27, 2010)

Wow, I feel for you! I had a horrible time working up the nerve to tell my BO I was moving Jackson. Over the years she and I became very good friends and she is actually the one that bred for my boy and taught me to ride. Unfortunately she is getting up there in age and is now unable to really care for the horses like I want, I was the only boarder and seemed to spend all of my time caring for her horses and never had the time to ride and work with mine. She certainly wasn't nearly as nasty as you experienced, but she still makes thinly veiled snide remarks about where Jack is. Glad you found a much better situation and I hope all works out well for you!


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## Courtney (May 20, 2011)

I think you definitely made the right decision and you're going to have a blast at your new barn. I couldn't imagine going through the stuff you did with your old barn, especially the fact where she reamed you out for leaving and then punished you for trying to do the right thing. Your new BO sounds like quite a wonderful person and I'm very happy for you. She seems just like my BO - he's a wonderful old cowboy type that really looks after his boarders. When I sold my horse, he tried to give me back my month of board because Levee was only there for a week into the new month. I told him to keep it because I wanted him to hold my place because I was bringing a new horse within a month. His basic reply was, "you don't need to worry about keeping your spot. That far run will be ready for you... just let me know when your horse is arriving so I can be here to meet her."


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## mom2pride (May 5, 2009)

I am leaving the small facility I have been at for over a year, mainly because I am having a hard time finding hay; I don't have a truck and trailer, so I have to borrow one. I have also been sick for much of this fall, so being able to even go and get hay, is OUT at the moment, so we would have to find someone to deliver, and their prices of delivery on top of the cost of their actual hay pricing, are outrageous!!! Soooo we decided to see if we could find somewhere that included hay in the price of boarding that was in our pocket book range. 

We found a larger stable...it's definitely not the "Ritz" but it has a nice arena, round pens, and another arena in the making, as well as open space and trails, and a lake near by!!!! The owners are down to earth, and the horses all looked healthy and well cared for. And for being a larger place, the horses were all very peaceful; that meant alot, atleast for me. You know how you can go to larger places, and the horses are all amped up, and just 'nervous'? I don't like that...so that all the horses, stabled ones, paddock ones, and the pastured ones were all at peace meant alot to me. No one was goofy, or revved up...save for one Arab, that wanted everyone to pet him as you went by, Lol! 

I move my girl on the 15th...I am nervous and excited at the same time...hahahaha!


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## MoonlightEm (Feb 17, 2008)

Yes, there's alot to be said for barn owners and barn managers who have strong people skills. At my old barn, horse care was PERFECT but she (owner) had no idea how to deal with conflict or relate to people's emotions and needs. It was all about her, her need to have the perfect barn and have it "better" (meaning cleaner) than any barn in the area. My new barn certainly isn't perfect and there are annoyances, but the barn owner is willing to listen and help with anything and barn manager is just as flexible. I think what bothered me most at my old barn was that the ONLY focus was on the jumping programs. Us trailriders paid the same board but there were never any new initiatives for western riders or a sense that we should need anything BUT the trails. It was only the hunter/jumpers that had activities and things to look forward too. So WHY be so hard on me for wanting to go to a barn where I could GROW?
Anyways, water over the dam now. But I find that I'm still grieving the loss of seeing my friends at old barn. Eleven years is a long time and it will take awhile for new barn to feel like home. 
Again, I can't thank everyone enough who supported me through a horrific barn experience. It shouldn't have to be this way - this is a hobby/pasion in our lives. But barns sometimes seem to war with each other and be more envious of each other more than even nations and ethnic groups. Good thing no guns are involved. How sad, really. Em


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## MyBoyPuck (Mar 27, 2009)

Wow, I just read this whole thread. That woman at your old barn certainly is lacking in people skills. Over the course of 11 years, any barn is going to evolve to some extent. It's just a matter of if you're' going to end up in the minority or majority. That Facebook nonsense gave me flashbacks. I had a "leaving" experience similar to yours and also heard about all these fun trail rides and whatnot that my old barn was supposedly doing after I left. To this day, I'm pretty sure none of it happened. 

What can I say, life happens, people grow, things change. The important thing is you're at a barn you can enjoy now. I wish you the best of luck there.


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