# Feeling bad about something I did



## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Sounds like your trainer interpreted your actions along with words spoken to him as you were pouting and sulking...rightfully so I think.
You might not be a morning person but if you plan on showing you better become one or at least learn to grunt politely at others.....
Every show-day is a day of early rising...
The day was yours as you were showing...
Your trainer was their* for you* ...to support you in your adventure.
Yes, you need to make some amends and apologies.
:runninghorse2:...
_jmo..._


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## Horsesr4life (Jun 25, 2018)

horselovinguy said:


> Sounds like your trainer interpreted your actions along with words spoken to him as you were pouting and sulking...rightfully so I think.
> You might not be a morning person but if you plan on showing you better become one or at least learn to grunt politely at others.....
> Every show-day is a day of early rising...
> The day was yours as you were showing...
> ...


This is totally exactly how I feel and it honestly makes me sad remembering it. I try so hard not to be a brat but sometimes I just am. I’m not sure how to go around apologizing either any help in the department would be greatly appreciated


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## mkmurphy81 (May 8, 2015)

Here's one thing to consider: Did you load your horse on that trailer? Did you feed it that morning? I'm guessing, no. Given that, *how early did your trainer get up to help you be ready to show?* His reaction to your comment is understandable.


I'll try to give some practical advice moving forward. I'm naturally a snarky and sarcastic person. My kids are fluent in sarcasm, even at a young age. You can try what I've (mostly) learned to do. Channel the sass and sarcasm into humor. The whole point is to make the *other person* laugh. For example, if someone greets you too cheerfully in the morning, say something like, "Why am I early this awake?" You have still made the same point, just without the rudeness. Bonus points if he actually laughs.


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## phantomhorse13 (Feb 18, 2011)

Horsesr4life said:


> I try so hard not to be a brat but sometimes I just am. I’m not sure how to go around apologizing either any help in the department would be greatly appreciated



Next time you are at the barn, ask your trainer if you could speak to him for a moment alone when its a good time for him. And then just say exactly what you said here. Apologies don't need to be fancy, just just need to be from the heart. Tell him you are sorry you acted like a brat about being up early and you will do better next time.


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## loosie (Jun 19, 2008)

mkmurphy81 said:


> "Why am I early this awake?"


:lol: But what will thinkle peep of of me then?!


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Oh boy, do you have it lucky! 

Show days for me meant getting up early (like 4 a.m.) cycling to the stables, only three miles but all up steep hills) getting the ponies ready, riding to the show, spending all day at the show having to share ponies, riding back to the stables, seeing to the ponies, turning them out after that had been brushed off amd fed. Cycling home (at least all downhill!) often getting home at around 7 p.m. 

Guess what? I would go to bed the night before a show at around 7 and be awake, without an alarm at about 3 a.m. 

Am I a morning person, guess so, am I a night owl? Guess so, when I was older I would often party until the early hours, then go straight to work. You can count on one hand the number of times I was ever late in 50+ years.


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## TXhorseman (May 29, 2014)

We all have what seem to be natural tendencies – some good, some bad. But that does not mean that we need to conduct our lives according to these tendencies.

Some seem to be of the opinion that if we have a natural tendency to act a certain way, we should be allowed to follow these tendencies. We should even glory in them. And others are bad if they criticize us. After all, isn’t this the way we are made?

Thankfully, Horses4life seems to realize that this is not always the case. Rather than simply surrendering to our natural tendencies, we should constantly strive to improve ourselves both for our own sake and for the sake of others. Will we always succeed? No. But that doesn’t mean we should give up trying.


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## Boo Walker (Jul 25, 2012)

If you are going to be around horses, you HAVE to keep your emotions under control. A bad mood, too early, sulking, pouting, all will get transferred to a horse. And that's not fair. That horse showed up perfectly willing to try his best for the rider. It's a real sign of maturity to be feeling bad but to take a nice deep breath, smile and give your best to a horse that's doing the same for you. I agree with your trainer - pull it together or go home. You're not bringing your bad mood near my horses!


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## 4horses (Nov 26, 2012)

I'm totally not a morning person. some people don't seem to understand. I have stomach problems and it means i don't get breakfast ever. I'm simply too nauseous to even look at food. It also means I'm up at night and don't sleep well depending on my stomach. So some days I'm functioning on 5 or 6 hours of sleep in addition to not eating. 
In Florida, the best hours to ride are early morning and most of my friends are morning people. So this means i do the best i can and try not to complain. 

I try to nap every afternoon so i don't feel sleep deprived the next day.


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## mmshiro (May 3, 2017)

If you are in a bad mood about something, you can relate that in a way that the people you share your feelings with don't feel attacked. Just use a bit of sarcasm that allows them to laugh with you, while still understanding how you feel. For example, "Yes, it's a beautiful morning - too bad I'm awake to see it!"

It shows two things: (1) You don't like being up this early, but (2) you're going to get the job done regardless.


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

In a way I think your problem is less "I'm not a morning person" and more bad tempered rude behaviour. You will have to learn to be a little more considerate of others and I guess you said you are a mid-teen so that means the world is out there waiting for you and it would be in your best interest to figure out how you are going to manage your life because as you become an adult and start earning a living you will have to deal with early rising in most jobs. 
You need to figure out how to manage these challenges and deal a little nicer with people you interact with. A lot of younger people stay up later at night and need to sleep in longer in the morning, maybe you could try getting to bed a little earlier and that way you still get enough sleep and can handle things better in the morning,
It would be nice of you to apologize to your trainer and tell him you will do better in the future but you have to mean what you say. Good luck and many more successful shows in the future.


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## Dehda01 (Jul 25, 2013)

One of my hardest lessons as a teenager was to learn how to slow down and think before I spoke particularly around adults and my trainers/teachers/professors. While it is ok to be sassy with friends, it is not ok to be sassy in most other situations. 

I had to learn to not talk, even though I really wanted to. And start with the basics... hello, good morning. Thank you. Please. Ask how a person is doing. How the night was. Talk about weather for gosh sake. And if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything. Bite your tongue unless a tongue lashing is deserved. And before you do feel you have to say something less than nice- perhaps count to 10 to make sure it is really worth it.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Boo Walker said:


> If you are going to be around horses, you HAVE to keep your emotions under control. A bad mood, too early, sulking, pouting, all will get transferred to a horse. And that's not fair. That horse showed up perfectly willing to try his best for the rider. It's a real sign of maturity to be feeling bad but to take a nice deep breath, smile and give your best to a horse that's doing the same for you. I agree with your trainer - pull it together or go home. You're not bringing your bad mood near my horses!



This, in spades, THIS.

Over the last few years I have been going through a lot of things in my real life.....serious battles and changes, and I saw my barn time as ‘chill time’ until my trainer pointed out that I was bringing all that stuff into the barn with me...and it wasn’t fair on my horse. She told me to either ‘park it at the door’ or not ride...So I learned to take a bunch of deep breaths before getting out of my truck.

It’s a hard thing to take control, but no one can fix this for you OP, you have to fix it yourself.


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## loosie (Jun 19, 2008)

Dehda01 said:


> One of my hardest lessons as a teenager was to learn how to slow down and think before I spoke particularly around adults and my trainers/teachers/professors. While it is ok to be sassy with friends, it is not ok to be sassy in most other situations.


Seriously?? You learned that as a teenager? I'm impressed! I'm still learning!


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## Dehda01 (Jul 25, 2013)

loosie said:


> Seriously?? You learned that as a teenager? I'm impressed! I'm still learning!


Didn’t say I have totally perfected the skill!!! But at least have learned how to bite my tongue in many cases.


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## palogal (May 30, 2008)

He's right. Quite complaining or quit riding. Apologizing is useless if you don't change your behaviors. You are very lucky to be able to ride and don't appreciate it.


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

Does your trainer complain to you about getting up early for YOU so that YOU can show? You need to bring exactly zero negativity. Zip it. If he doesn't find it funny, and you KNOW he doesn't find it funny, then who is it benefitting? Not him and definitely not you. In these circumstances, if you can't say something positive, say nothing. 

Instead try to come at it from a place of gratitude. On your way there, think about all the things you are grateful for in your riding and in your showing. Your trainer, the horse you ride, the opportunities you have, and what an immense privilege it is to be able to ride and show. Those early mornings that are making you so cranky? You are living a dream that doesn't come true for most people no matter how badly they want it. You are LUCKY, and remember that. It's not something to complain about -- even in jest. You getting to ride and show is winning life's lottery.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

Well, some of it may be age related; what you said was not so bad and a bit funny IF you were talking to an age level friend and made a funny face when you said it. 

That type of comment to an adult from a teen can be seen as disrespectful. He might be expecting something like "Good morning Sir" in response. (like in school) Plus he has spoken to you regarding bad attitude before, so will be less lenient now. 


Additionally, as a student you are showcasing his abilities and bad attitudes can be harmful to you both. Unfortunately, walking around looking like you would rather be in bed makes you and the trainer look bad and disrespectful to the entire show staff (including judges) 


At a show, important to have your "game face on" and walk around looking happy with a touch of nervousness showing thru. 

IMO your best plan would be to pick a time when he is not busy and apologize for acting inappropriately at the show. State you are not making excuses for your behavior, but mornings are difficult for you because of stomach issues, and you were not feeling well that day. Mention that show nerves didn't help any. Let him know that you were hurting but trying to make a joke and it didn't turn out the way you meant it. 


Good morning, Good evening, how are you; those are all just examples of polite behavior. The correct response (no matter what your true feelings are) is Good morning, Good evening, I am well thank you. 


IMO if you think of your trainer as a person that you must be respectful of at all times, just like a math or English teacher at school, you will have an easier time and better interactions. 

Good luck!


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

@Foxhunter Show days mean getting up at 4:30 AM!?! Bahahah! Work days mean getting up at 4:30am for me! I have six horses to feed before showering and heading off on my hour commute to work those 8 so that I can feed those beasts! And of course, today it will be over 100 with the heat index but I still have to clean all those stalls and water all those horses before going to bed tonight... I think that will be around 10 or 10:30 when I climb in the sack... 
@Horsesr4life I haven't shown in a while so I must admit that I am a wee bit jelous of your way too early show mornings! I had girls that showed with me for a while or I took them out to show. One was always happy and excited to be showing, no matter the time or weather. The other used to get really cranky about getting up which bled into how she treated the horse. Every little thing would make her angry and I found myself doing most of the grooming and tacking while she grumped around and drank coffee. I have to admit, I used to get really mad at her. After all, I was giving up my weekend so that I could haul her out to show MY horse. Looking back... I Could have taken in to consideration that she was a teenager and there is that "immaturity" factor there but...

My suggestion - apoligize to your trainer and next show make a conscience effort to not complain. Just have fun. You are riding horses! That's like heaven on earth!


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