# New Boarder at private stable



## mymrt (Jul 5, 2014)

We have a new boarder at our private home/stable. She diligently sought us out. We have had boarders in the past, some great, some not so great, and were not "actively looking" but have some flyers up in a couple rural area feed stores in case a good match came along. When we chatted she sounded perfect, so we cleaned house in a sense to make room and she and her horse moved in a week ago. 
She has a ton of experience and is a great rider. I love having someone to ride with. I have a new horse and am excited to not have to ride alone. I am not quite at the level she is, mostly due to having a horse I need to rehab and she's had hers for years so they have an established relationship. I had some bad experiences and accidents in the past, so I am always better safe than sorry mentality. I am just getting to know this new horse, retrain some things, and get him back into shape as he lacks muscle, has some issues (not serious) to work through such as feet, topline, etc.
There was a lot of back and forth with her stalling and then recommitting before finally committing to coming in. She's had a bunch of life things thrown at her, as have I, so I remained flexible and open to what was going on until we reached an agreement because I get how life can be, throwing monkey wrenches at you. 
Now that she is here, there is a lot of "comments" being made, questioning why I do something (not directly tho, more like, "oh so you don't care if your grain is soaking in water all day"....which its not, we use enough to soften it...and yes, for over 10 years I've done this with no problem). I realize we are in the early stages and just getting to know each other, but often the tone is condescending and a bit haughty. 
Her horse, I found out after he was here, cannot be left alone, or even without a babysitter right near him. Seeing the others across a driveway will make him crazy. She has basically said this can't happen.
When I took one of mine from our herd of 3 to be near him (we are acclimating him to grass), one of my others got very upset (the new one). I don't want him to be buddy sour or herd bound, so I want to get him over that insecurity. But, her response was that "he (my horse) needs to be ok being separated from his pasture mate. Hmm...then why doesn't hers? She says she knows her horses personality. Ok, I get that, but, it still seems a bit skewed. And the final comment to me was that "well, this is what barn owners have to deal with" in a bit of a patronizing tone. 
I'm letting it all slide basically, but, truth be told, its gnawing at me a bit. I have been taking care of my horses in my own place for going on 10 years, with great success. We have a horse in his 40's that is finally showing his age. I feel that is in part due to our good and meticulous care. And I have had a lot of input from professionals and others on the level of care we give. I don't want to be uncomfortable in my own place, and I always am the one to bite my tongue until things cross a line. I'm looking at it right now like we are just getting to know one another. I suppose that my confidence is easily shaken when I am constantly questioned, hence our pickiness on who boards here.
She's very independent, didn't want direction on a few things that are in her contract to help out with (reduced board for help with chores). She's managed very large barns in the past, as have I, and it seems to be that she is a lack a grasp of the concept between the big barn atmosphere vs. the private home/stable boarding atmosphere. She expected to have free range of our home/bathroom, whether we were here or not. A bit unsettling. 
I may be just venting here. Time may show great improvement because we have times where we are enjoying conversation and enjoyed our first ride together, albeit short because my guy is just starting back to work after years off.
This is not our first boarder. I've been full time with horses for just shy of 20 years. I managed a 50+ upscale facility, a couple medium size and did barn sitting for large to one horse set ups, as well. There truly is a HUGE difference when they are in your own back yard, and you don't get that unless you've done it. The boarders I've had, I've been lucky that they have all be low key, low maintenance, respectful people and horses. Or, they didn't last long. And I don't want to jump the gun with assumptions where this relationship is so new. 
She also mentioned she'd probably be looking for a place with an indoor come winter, which I get, but, where we are looking for help in exchange for a stall/partial board, obviously not having an indoor but great trails means now is the best time for a boarder to be here, and we really wanted someone long term, which we talked about initially. Not to mention, she came from a big barn with an indoor...???... but felt her horse wasn't getting great care.
If you have any words of wisdom or advice to help the eggshells I'm walking on be less awkward, I would love to hear them. I have had a lot of loss this year, losing my "it" horse suddenly, then my mom, totaled my truck, and the list goes on, so I know my emotions are a bit more sensitive than normal. I don't want to be a hard *** (I can go there but it's never served me well in the end), but I don't want to be left in the lurch, as they say, come winter. Nor do I want to be taken advantage of, or uncomfortable in the sanctuary we put blood, sweat, tears and big $$$ into!! My boarding experiences are why we built our own place. I'd like to keep the low key chill atmosphere that we've had, and that my new boy was settling into. thanks for at least letting me get that off my chest. Sometimes just venting gives a new perspective.


----------



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

It's your barn and home. You make the rules, not her. Why are you walking on eggshells, and where is your written contract laying everything out?

She's already told you she's only going to be there short term, so don't be surprised when she and her horse are just abruptly gone one day.

You say you've worked at a big operation, but it sounds as if you're not using that expertise to keep this woman from running roughshod over you.

I keep my horses at home. No way would I take on a boarder, especially one who thinks she can come and go whenever she pleases, and that my home is her personal clubhouse.


----------



## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I think you need to give her a months notice to find a new barn. And if it already isn't in your boarding contract I suggest putting it in there. 

My BO has been to the same thing! The barns in her back yard and she runs the place single handily. If for whatever reason it isn't "working out" she give the person one months notice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

I'd be more conservative than not. If you don't need the money then ask her to leave if it isn't working out. 

It's not just about boarding - it's about you having a nice home. 

I've done a few private boards, and they are different to business ones and as a boarder you have to respect that. None of the private board places have offered a bathroom, and I would find it horribly rude to ask them to open their house. With private boarding you do have to be more flexible, you do have to go with the flow, and if that doesn't suit the boarder should go to a business. Some of the places have had a policy of pretty much - if your horse requires us to go out of our way to do something then we don't want your horse here. They've expected my horse to go in with theirs, moves paddocks with theirs, eat their hay and be low maintenance. Obviously it's flexible, like one time mine was injured and they helped with the care, but otherwise its sort of "fit in or leave".

If you want to try harder to make it work I'd come at it in a planned way. I'd sit down alone, or with your family, and go over what is bothering and really narrow it down then create a list and then organise a time with your new boarder. Then re-negotiate the contract, tell her that since being there some things aren't working for you and you need to talk about them. Explain you're not a boarding business and as a result things are done a way that caters to you, rather than your clients. Then explain how you want it to be, either if the horse is to be kept alone, or kept with yours, that there will be no access to a bathroom, that this is the way you prepare feed, if that doesn't suit the boarder can provide their own prepared feeds. Set out places or times when the property isn't available. 

It sounds strict but that's the difference with private board. There are often clear benefits with private places - but sacrifices as well.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Either ask her to move or dig a hole and set an outhouse on top. They made fine toilets for years before the invention of the flush. You've let this go beyond a business arrangement and if you don't speak up it will get worse.


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Why are you allowing her into your home to wander around, especially when you're not there?

If she wants to work off some chores in exchange for a reduction in board, she needs to do the things on a list you provide. It's your barn, your contract. She doesn't get to decide what needs to be done and how. Why are you allowing that?

Ultimately, what is it about this woman that you are allowing her to just run you over?


----------



## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

When your on a trail ride have a talk with her. If she doesn't want to do things your way then get rid of her.


----------



## TessaMay (Jul 26, 2013)

I kind of think of horse-boarding relationships like romantic ones in that if it isn't working out well in the beginning, it will probably get worse with time. People are generally on their best behavior at the start. 

I love private barns, but they are definitely different from public. If she is interrupting your life at your home, then it's not working. She needs to fit in well and not add stress to your life or it's really not worth it.


----------



## Chasin Ponies (Dec 25, 2013)

Not much fun is it? Sounds like this woman has taken most of the enjoyment you used to have out of your horse life. It's not worth it-give her a time limit and kick her out. She's only going to get worse.


----------



## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

Agreeing with Chasin Ponies..this boarder has over-stepped her welcome mat.

_It is *your* barn, *your *home and she sought you out not the other way around._
Today is the 13th of the month....
*Give her written and verbal notice TODAY*...give her to months end and tell her she will no longer be a boarder at your place, period.
"Things changed and it is personal" is your answer and leave it at that if she makes noise.

You should _not ever_ be having to put up with "attitude" of any kind in _*your*_ barn.
_The rules are yours to establish and enforce as is the care of the animals your responsibility.

_Letting her use a bathroom when you are home is of your choosing, _but when gone you lock your home up tight and don't give a key. _ 
No one should have the opportunity of being where they not belong... 
This person is a adult? She can't go piddle before she arrive and wait 3 hours to go again? Really? Little children do all the time..._ 
Your boarder is rude among other things!!

jmo...
_


----------



## mymrt (Jul 5, 2014)

Well, as time has passed, things haven't gotten worse, and I've come to know her better. She's going through some serious personal issues, and I think on top of the fact that she's on the entitled and snobby side, it makes her a difficult person to communicate with in general. And, because I am on the compassionate side, I feel for her with the problems she's having. The money, too, is nice. So, I've decided to let it lay for another few weeks, then ask her to be gone by the end of the summer for a number of reasons. Our paths rarely cross, so, it hasn't been a big issue.

I wasn't going to kick her when she's down, so, I'm letting her stay for a bit longer, take advantage of her help and having someone to ride with til my boy is better at going out alone. And when I have "the conversation" with her, I will supply her with places that have the indoor she'll want over winter, and give her a reasonable amount of time to be gone, vs the 2 weeks in my contract. That is, unless she starts to get worse and disrupts things further, then I will ask her to leave sooner. 

Thanks for your input folks. I'm not one to jump down someone's throat (anymore, learned that lesson long ago) and unfortunately, I do sometimes allow myself to be inconvenienced for longer than I'd like at times, but, I typically do what I can best sleep at night with. To see you all agreeing that she was out of bounds validated how I was feeling, and I'm grateful for that.


----------



## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Your call. But I would have told her to get.

And while you say she did this and that? Are you just taking her word, or do you know she is telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth?


----------

