# Is it wrong to ask for my Boyfriend's password?



## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

I think that it's unnecessary for you to have it. I do not have my husbands passwords to anything, including his phone- and have no need to - that's his personal space. We're i to mistrust him I would ask for them- but the best way to build trust is to live it. My husband has snooped through my phone in the past and misconstrued things he read...and hurt me badly in the process. 15 years of marriage and some pretty life altering things have happened to us and we are still strong, so I feel like its working.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Muppetgirl (Sep 16, 2012)

Hmmmmm sounds like your trust issues from the past may be lingering to sour your present relationship.......

Your lack of trust (and that's what it is) will end this relationship......not his 'imagined' cheating. 

I would seriously examine myself before I started examining his FB account. 

I sound harsh, not my intention. I lived with someone who had trust and insecurity issues. It was exhausting.

Stop yourself before you ruin a potentially good thing.

If he has absolutely given you good reason to believe he has been untruthful or deceitful then by all means confront the issue. Otherwise have faith and trust that someone really cares for you and is interested in your well being and happiness.

I truly wish you the best.


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## TheLauren (Aug 26, 2012)

I wouldn't want, nor ask for the password. You are telling us that you don't believe he is cheating, but if you ask for the password he will probably not believe that, as there is no other reason to have the passwords. I can't imagine what a struggle having trust issues could be.

My word of advice would be to talk openly to your bf about this. Maybe tell him you were tempted to ask for his password, but you respected him and your relationship enough not to. Hopefully this open discourse will help strengthen your relationship.

Personally, I would easily give my password to a long term parter. But I also wouldn't expect it to be a given.


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## Kiara (Aug 27, 2008)

Put yourself in his position: How would you feel id he asked you for your password?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FGRanch (Feb 9, 2008)

I think it's very unfair. It's your issue not his. Sorry to be blunt but don't make him suffer or risk hurting him because you are insecure. You've admitted it's a problem now you need to fix it, and I know you can! 

I have been married for 8 years and my and my husband know each other's passwords to everything, but that wasn't until this year and it just kinda happened, it wasn't like we asked each other for it.


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

Nope. Been with my (now) fiance for 6 years. He would have no problem giving me his passwords but he should have his own space. I trust him, and that trust is a two way street.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

We've been married 16+ years and we know each other's passwords but only because he and I rotate the same couple passwords as we generally password protect stuff to keep the kids out of it not he or I. Goes along with we'll answer each other's phones if it's ringing and the other person isn't in the room. We have a Power of Attorney for each other as well. 

I wouldn't ever be with someone that I had ever felt the need to "investigate".


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

Your issues are your issues and not his. You need to deal with this on your own, none of which is his problem. 

If someone asked me for something like that - I have nothing to hide, I'd say goodbye.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I have been married close to 34 years (geez has it been that long?!) and I don't have the password to my hubby laptop, he thinks I will wreck it or something, I do however have the password to his FB, iPhone & everything else and vice versa. Except the iPhone, as I use it occasionally, I could care less about the rest. Is this a test you are putting out there for him? If it is, he should have no problem passing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

Privacy is privacy. No way would I expect to give anyone my password.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

If privacy is privacy, then you need a partner who feels the same way, my online life is open to my husband & vice versa, not saying it is wrong or right, just saying we are on the same page, hence the harmony.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

I know my BFs password to a few things. Necessities mostly, like his computer, and a couple gaming things, but I do also know his FB password and a few other things. No way I would ever go in to read his messages or anything, unless he asked me to, or if he tells me I can. It drives me crazy. I want to read his texts. I could easily do so when he is asleep or playing a game, but as much as I want to, I will not without permission. I ask, occasionally, and he says no. I respect it, but it still bugs me. Lol!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

WSArabians said:


> Privacy is privacy. No way would I expect to give anyone my password.


I agree with that which is why even though I *know* his passwords, I wouldn't go read his e-mails, texts or whathaveyou and I know he wouldn't read mine.

Mostly we have each others simply because it was handy at some point in time. Me screaming across the property, "Hey, your phone was ringing and somebody left you a message... you want me to bring you the phone?" "No, password = xxx, listen to it and lemme know if it's anything important."

Or when his phone crapped out the other week, I gave him my phone until his new one got here. I work from home and we have a landline so I didn't *need* my cell, whereas he's a truck driver out in snow/ice storms. He didn't break down or get stuck and need it but he did have a nice convo with my farrier. :lol:


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

Thanks everyone for all the responses! I honestly have not yet asked to see his messages or his phone, however, I did ask a while ago if he would be bothered if I asked him to give me his phone, if for whatever reason I needed to see it and he said "no". But I don't constantly nag to him about these issues. I do, however, constantly nag to myself about the plethora of "what ifs" that could go wrong.

This is a really hard topic for me to discuss in person...I get so embarrassed, thank you for reading and responding.


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

Nagging is annoying and a very good way of making him want to avoid you or hide something from you. Rage on the inside, find something of someone to vent your frustrations to, and learn how to deal with it. Lean how to trust. Learn boundaries. Even if you guys break up somewhere down the road, use this opportunity to move on from your past and heal. 

The reason I want to read my BFs texts is because of this one chick from across the country who texts him. He responds, and is nice, but says she is barely just a friend. He feels obligated to reply to her because he has known her for a very long time. She knows about me, and I think has a boyfriend from what I have been told. He even tells me about their conversations when I ask. I still am not allowed to see the messages though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

I have been married 34 yrs too, and certain things are his. Period. Same with my stuff. If you cannot trust, you will not have any kind of relationship, since trust should be the foundation. I have some of his passwords, but only because they are labeled (yes, labeled) on his computer....lol. His assistant actually has all of his passwords, has for years, since she runs his business life, and I have no issue with that. I would not check his phone, look through his wallet, anymore than he would EVER go in my purse-even if I specifically ask him to "just hand me the _____"he hands me the entire purse.
I would suggest that you might benefit from some counseling. You are going to run this guy off and ruin a good thing, and you need to break the cycle. Good luck.


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## faye (Oct 13, 2010)

IT is very very wrong for you to ask for his passwords.

I Know a few of my boyfriends passwords simply because on occasion it has been nessecary for him to tell me (like when he was stuck in the middle of nowhere on the way to a job interview and obvioulsy had the wrong address, i had to go into his email and retrieve the correct one for him as he doesnt have internet on his phone). However I would NEVER access any of them without his express permission.
I trust him and he trusts me, by acessing his emails/facebook etc I would be violating that trust.

A relationship MUST be based on trust, if it isnt then you will have serious issues.

Perhaps you ought to see a counciller of some form and work through these issues with them.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

A needlessly suspicious spouse, drove me off because of his endless questions. That wasn't his goal but keeping a job and being exposed to this became too much and I exited the scene, no warning, just gone. I immediately sought a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings, burned my bridges, no going back.


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## Kiara (Aug 27, 2008)

You are also creating a lose-lose situation: If you ask him and he says yes, you can go and read all sorts of stuff and misconstrue things (trust issues will lend themselves to that) and he's in trouble, or if he feels it's inappropriate to ask (not having anything to hide) he loses, because that makes you feel like he's hiding something.Mind you, he isn't even your husband yet. For all he knows you could use his password to mess with his account, especially if you are upset with him. You might never do that, but there are people that would. Why would he set himself up for that?








Like has been said, this is your issue. You need to fix it. If you take it out on him, he will be gone. 

I'd never dream of asking my DH for any of his passwords, as I feel it is a privacy thing. He has no issues telling me if it comes up for some reason (him on the road asking me to check his email for some info, etc). Still, I trust him, he trusts me. You have to be able to trust to have a healthy relationship.


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## gypsygirl (Oct 15, 2009)

my boyfriend knows most of my passwords and i know some of his, but its not because i asked him for his passwords or he asked for mine. we gave them to each other.


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## riccil0ve (Mar 28, 2009)

Add me to the list of very wrong. Don't ask for it, you have no right. Everyone is entitled to their privacy, including him. It won't even make you feel better. You'll be on his phone or FB and he gets a message from a girl, "hey, what's up?" And because you're already admittedly irrational about this, how will you take that? The worry and jealousy will eat you alive, and it will destroy your relationship. Period. If you head down that road, I gaurantee he will leave. Would you want to put up with that if the roles were reversed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

In a word? No, don't ask him for his passwords.

When I was single I had one relationship rule: I never paid anyone's past due (emotional) bills. What I meant by that is that in a relationship I never expected my partner to pay the "bills" of past relationships-such as mistrust nor would I ever pay for the mistakes that occurred in his past. This rule didn't just happen-I learned the hard way by seeing too many relationships ruined by the ghosts of exes past.

That having been said, you are projecting your fears (your own past due bills) onto your current relationship. That isn't fair, nor is it a healthy way to live. After all, the person who wronged you wasn't this man.


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## BarrelRacer23 (Aug 17, 2011)

Don't ask. Like you I'm a very mistrusting person, but space is space. I respect space and do actually trust the people I'm with just some things make me paranoid. My ex notice ex liked to snoop through my phone and misinterpret everything and get all worked up about things. Simple things as in just saying hello to another guy I was friends with, even after 2 years. It drove me crazy to say the least and I will never put up with that again. You can't blame someone new for others mistakes as hard as it is, you have to learn to trust him or risk running him off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fulford15 (Oct 17, 2012)

I was the same way.. All my previous relationships I had been cheated on, or past BF's would hang out with a girl behind my back... I have found it hard to trust my BF now, but honestly I've learnt to trust him, he trusts me. He doesn't ask for my facebook password, he knows it though. He told me his password, I don't go on his FB though, it's hard to not think about what he's doing on there at first, but honestly now I completely forget about it. His crazy ex-GF has caused a lot of problems, sending him silly text messages asking him to move back to the province she lives in and what not, it's caused a lot of arguments and me not trusting if he talks to her when I am not around. But, I have gotten over it and realized he wants nothing to do with her and hes with me now, I trust and love him, and vise versa.
Just don't think about it, don't ask. And if you want to know, ask him to show you, don't go snooping.


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## QOS (Dec 8, 2008)

I dumped my super possessive, super jealous ex-husband almost 34 years ago. OMG I can't even imagine being married to him now in the age of technology. I think his THEN brain would have a meltdown. He drove me away with his nuttiness. He was a great guy in many ways - showered me with attention, gifts, had a great family that I am still friends with (my hubby of 30 years family is a bunch of fricktards - miss the ex's family - don't miss him)

Get a grip on your own issues and you will be a happier person and your relationship will endure. My own hubby is a very private person but he has nothing to hide from me. I do know his password on his computer and his email because I set it up. Do I ever look at it? Not hardly. I am so not interested. I wouldn't look at his phone messages and he texts way more than I do (he hates to talk on the phone) because again, I am so not interested. 

If someone wants to cheat on you - they will. If they want to leave you - they will. My son married last year to a possessive overbearing witch. He dropped his Facebook page, quit associating with his friends for this hussy. All the while she was spending his money, buying shoes (had over 300 pairs woo hoo) and she tried to cut him away from his family. Thank God he left her. Her possessiveness and craziness made him leave her. No one in this family was sorry to see her go. My son came home without a dime to his name - she wiped him out. Not saying you would do this at all - but by her being a total control freak she lost a pretty good guy along with the house he bought her. 

Work on it...learn to trust someone. If they are untrustworthy it is not your problem. It is theirs. Don't make it yours.


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## jinxremoving (Apr 6, 2009)

Your lack of trust is going to ruin the relationship.

I've been in a relationship like this before, the girl always accused me of cheating if I came home from work an hour later and my "story" didn't make a whole lot of sense to her even though it was completely true. She demanded all my passwords and since I have nothing to hide, happily gave them over. Eventually she started using MY social media and instant messengers, as me, trying to flirt with my friends to see if they would bite. Long story short, the relationship ended when I caught her cheating on me with an ex-friend.

In my experience, it's always the ones who are insecure that end up cheating. I've never cheated on anyone in my life... such an insulting thing to do.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

Don't ask, it will cause more problems than it will solve. IMO, in a relationship based on trust and respect, things such as passwords just naturally make themselves known. I have been married for 9 years, I have never asked my husband for a password out of pure curiosity, but at the same time I know what they are because he doesn't try to hide them from me. He uses the same few passwords for everything, as do I. They are meant to keep out the people we don't trust, not eachother.


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

Smguidotti, I hope you don't feel like you are being slaughtered, here. I also hope, if he is a good guy, that you don't get rid of him because "If you don't trust him, why be with him?" 
Have you talked with him about WHY you feel this way? Although you haven't accused him of anything (I don't think), we still can seem standoffish if we aren't completely giving and he may have picked up on it. Getting things out in the open and explaining this may help to relieve some of the stress for you.
Have you thought about talking to someone about it? Counselling can be very helpful, and they can offer ideas and insights that you might not have thought of, and can help you focus and stop you from getting completely irrational. 
Although, if I may go a little "shrink-ish", I could guess your irrationality is caused by your previous griefs, and once you've been able to get those out in the open either with your boyfriend, counselor, or both - I think both of you will find yourself easier to deal with.
Just suggestions.


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## jinx1990 (Nov 17, 2012)

Don't ask. My ex and I were together for 3 years and during that time we ended up with each other passwords to everything. But we never asked they were just given by the other person. He's not going to give his password if he thinks your going to snoop (even if he if he has nothing to hide!!!) because it means you don't trust him so why should he trust you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jessabel (Mar 19, 2009)

*NO. *You do not need his password for anything. 

I'd never ask someone for their password because I wouldn't want it done to me. I'm a very private person. My facebook and E-mail are my business. I have nothing to hide, but that's not the point. I'd be a touch irate if someone was nosing around in my E-mail. It's obnoxious and disrespectful.

You wouldn't open your neighbor's mail, would you? Same concept.


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## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

Don't ask and don't snoop. Even if you do trust him 100%, these _actions_ (which speak louder than words) will make him not trust YOU. 

Just went through something similar to this with a close friend's relationship. They almost broke up, and are still having some trust issues.

That said, I know most of my husband's passwords to things. Only because we've been together for 7 years (married since June) and we've often been sitting in front of the TV with the computer, logged in to see something, or did something for the other person, or what have you. 

I have never ASKED him for a password. I never would. However, we both would give it to the other person. (I know this because we talked about this stuff ourselves when our friends were going through their relationship problem.) Neither of us have nothing to hide, so I'd have no problem giving him my passwords. 

In your case here, I wouldn't ask. It's just asking for drama and trouble. Either trust him, or don't and leave.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Trust is a very important section of any relationship. If you cannot trust your partner then you have nothing.

It is your problem, get help to resolve it.

My parents were married for 63 years before my father died. They were very different in that Dad loved to go out and Mum didn't. Dad was good looking and very good fun. Women, even in his old age, flirted with him, sent him gifts, Valentine cards and Mum would just laugh and say that no one would put up with him for long! (She was probably right!)
There was never any jealousy or lack of trust. One of the most moving moments was when Dad was dying of a brain tumour, barely conscious , unable to speak or open his eyes, Mum said the him, "You know how much I have always loved you, don't you?" Dad mad the effort and squeezed her hand so tight her fingers were bruised. 
two things kept their relationship strong. Trust and laughter. Love was there but, I would say the other two came ahead and strengthened the latter.


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

riccil0ve said:


> Add me to the list of very wrong. Don't ask for it, you have no right. Everyone is entitled to their privacy, including him. It won't even make you feel better. You'll be on his phone or FB and he gets a message from a girl, "hey, what's up?" And because you're already admittedly irrational about this, how will you take that? The worry and jealousy will eat you alive, and it will destroy your relationship. Period. If you head down that road, I gaurantee he will leave. Would you want to put up with that if the roles were reversed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah, good point - Knowing me, I would NOT feel any better


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

Fulford15 said:


> I was the same way.. All my previous relationships I had been cheated on, or past BF's would hang out with a girl behind my back... I have found it hard to trust my BF now, but honestly I've learnt to trust him, he trusts me. He doesn't ask for my facebook password, he knows it though. He told me his password, I don't go on his FB though, it's hard to not think about what he's doing on there at first, but honestly now I completely forget about it. His crazy ex-GF has caused a lot of problems, sending him silly text messages asking him to move back to the province she lives in and what not, it's caused a lot of arguments and me not trusting if he talks to her when I am not around. But, I have gotten over it and realized he wants nothing to do with her and hes with me now, I trust and love him, and vise versa.
> Just don't think about it, don't ask. And if you want to know, ask him to show you, don't go snooping.


Ahh! TWO of his ex's have contacted him since we have gotten together! Asking to to hang out at her house and what not via text and FB. Thankfully, he tells me this and has actually since blocked both of them. I have gotten over it though, surprisingly lol. 

I haven't had any real reason to ask him to show me anything but I know he would if I asked -- I love him so much, I don't know why he loves me back...I don't ever snoop, except for the occasional scan of his FB wall, but I have weaned myself from that habit -- baby steps!


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

WSArabians said:


> Smguidotti, I hope you don't feel like you are being slaughtered, here. I also hope, if he is a good guy, that you don't get rid of him because "If you don't trust him, why be with him?"
> Have you talked with him about WHY you feel this way? Although you haven't accused him of anything (I don't think), we still can seem standoffish if we aren't completely giving and he may have picked up on it. Getting things out in the open and explaining this may help to relieve some of the stress for you.
> Have you thought about talking to someone about it? Counselling can be very helpful, and they can offer ideas and insights that you might not have thought of, and can help you focus and stop you from getting completely irrational.
> Although, if I may go a little "shrink-ish", I could guess your irrationality is caused by your previous griefs, and once you've been able to get those out in the open either with your boyfriend, counselor, or both - I think both of you will find yourself easier to deal with.
> Just suggestions.


Thanks WSArabians, I don't feel slaughtered lol, a little surprised that only two other people on here admitted to having some amount of trust issues but in the end I need to hear it. Believe it or not, I even feel better after reading all the posts haha 

We have talked about my issues -- he knows what happened a long time ago which explain why I am the way I am -- He knows he is the first guy/man I have ever been able to trust.

I want to go to counseling but I chicken out -- I always find excuses for why I can't go, such as: School. Which is actually true but there is a decent of amount of downtime I have so I might as well buck up and do it.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Counseling takes about an hour. Not a huge amount of time. No more than....say....riding lessons.


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

Foxhunter said:


> Trust is a very important section of any relationship. If you cannot trust your partner then you have nothing.
> 
> It is your problem, get help to resolve it.
> 
> ...


That was a really sweet story, thank you for sharing it


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

smguidotti said:


> Ahh! TWO of his ex's have contacted him since we have gotten together! Asking to to hang out at her house and what not via text and FB. Thankfully, he tells me this and has actually since blocked both of them. I have gotten over it though, surprisingly lol.
> 
> I haven't had any real reason to ask him to show me anything but I know he would if I asked -- I love him so much, I don't know why he loves me back...I don't ever snoop, except for the occasional scan of his FB wall, but I have weaned myself from that habit -- baby steps!


Oh, I know all about making excuses to avoid counselling... LOL
I ended up having someone call me out on it. I don't do good with guilt, so it works for me.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

When it comes to counselling people get the idea the councellor tells them what to do. Not at all. A counsellor listens, asks questions to make you think and encourages you to come up with the answers. There is no condemnation. So I encourage you to go, it can be uplifting.


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

Saddlebag said:


> When it comes to counselling people get the idea the councellor tells them what to do. Not at all. A counsellor listens, asks questions to make you think and encourages you to come up with the answers. There is no condemnation. So I encourage you to go, it can be uplifting.


I have seen four counselors in the past (for different reasons), three were part of the Kaiser circuit, two of which I don't really remember because they were brief and I was still in elementary school. The most recent therapist/psychiatrist I saw was during high school. I saw her twice and on the last day, it was a hot day, I took off my opaque black tights after school before I went to see her. Long story short, during our conversation she asked what kind of attention I was trying to attract because my dress was too short in her opinion and that I was wasting her time because I didn't have any 'real' problems because I didn't know what to talk to her about. So ever since I have been skeptical of going back and Kaiser is my only option financially. 

Again, just more excuses


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Really unprofessional! Sorry that happened. It can be a bit difficult to find the "right fit" in a counselor....and it takes time to develop a relationship-more than one or 2 visits for sure.


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## PurpleMonkeyWrench (Jun 12, 2012)

Yes it's wrong!! If you can't trust him, move on.


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

Now maybe I might get flamed a bit for this, but I think counselors that are working in high schools probably aren't your best bet. 
When I finally found one that I really opened up too, I was ****ed as all get out when she got transferred to a different city, and never went back for quite some time. I just, after my accident, found another one. 
Maybe if you talk to your doctor, he might be able to point you in the direction of some professional counselors?


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## TaMMa89 (Apr 12, 2008)

As to the initial question - I got that you've good and firm relationship with him and you can talk about issues. Have you talked with your boyfriend about it how do you feel and that you've these issues? Not ask him to give you his passwords or other things, but tell him that you'd _want_ to do that because _you_ _feel_ insecure. Maybe also highlight in the same discussion that you don't require him to do that but all that you're doing is that you're are talking about your own feelings, not blaming everyone (him or yourself) over anything. I've very firm relationship with my common-law man and if I had a problem like that, I'd probably choose this way, having relationship in which I can talk about everything with him. It'd relieve tense over that issue, create confidence and make your boyfriend to understand you better.

ETA: I also agree with others - if it's possible to have some counselling so you can sort out your thoughts, it'd sound good at least for me. Sometimes you also need to search for a while until you'll find a good counsellor. You can also try to find literature & knowledge over your way to think and learn to understand yourself better for example that way.


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## JoesMom (Jun 19, 2012)

Ever heard the term"Self fulfilling prophecy"? If you continue to suspect him or "what if" all the time something will happen. You have to trust him until you have a real reason not to. I have been married 36 years and that is a very big thing in our lives. He answers my phone, but never reads my texts. I have people who text me with private things about their life that they expect to remain private. Also our kids tell me things they don't want him or anyone else knowing. He is a "fixer" so they text me to just vent without someone trying to give them a solution all the time. 

I also answer his phone as needed and fix his facebook stuff when he screws something up :lol:.

We trust each other completely. I never quiz him about where he's been unless he is supposed to show up at a certain time and doesn't. He understands my worry and I realize he loses track of time once in a while.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

OP, just wondering if you suffer from anxiety? I do and take medication for it and boy it sure makes a world of difference! I am a woman that was married for 16 years and had a cheater husband. I went into the relationship with my current husband trusting like I had never been hurt before only to get hurt with stupid crap that we will not go into now. So yes! I really had a tough year after that, (or so). But I noticed once I addressed my anxiety issues I was able to handle the fear and thoughts so much better. Did they go away? no! But I was able to handle them and put them into perspective. And as time went on things got so much better!!!! Communication is key also. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. If you talk to a professional you may find that anxiety is at the wheel and driving some of this. I am sorry you are going through this but I do know how you feel!! My husband and I are totally on the same page and if we weren't, well, we would not be together.


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## peppersgirl (Aug 24, 2012)

I was married to a very possesive un trusting man for 8 years... NOT FUN, and he eventually pushed me to divorce his ****. 

My now husband (we have been married almost a year) was cheated on badly by his ex wife (with several guys, including his best friend- and as soon as he deployed to iraq the first time)... she also stole alot of his army stuff, and got rid of some of his personal possessions, and even claimed he was abusive just to be a wench. While you can tell he gets pretty mad about the situation when he speaks about it- he has NEVER tossed that baggage onto me in the way of being possesive or anything.. I admire him and love him that much more for not allowing it to consume him.


Eventually ( with trust) password naturally tend to be swapped.. I know my husbands passwords, he knows mine.. and when we each accidently leave our FB pages up.. we will each playfully "hack" and leave stupid status updates.. I admit that I did once read a few messages from his ex when she was trying to be buddy buddy with him again (right before we got married)... but I was honest about it- and I made him read the message I had sent back to her (via my own fb page).... I very well could have been wrong doing that but I did at that point feel the need to " pee on his tree" as it were...mark my territory and make it known that her advances at friendship were not welcomed..BY EITHER OF US..

anyway blah blah blah.. with that all being said, IMO wanting/asking for passwords out of distrust turns into snooping, which then turns into other things.. If you love the guy don't allow yourself to fall into this cycle as it then only becomes a matter of time before it all implodes... I agree with everyone else who has said it- Talk to him about your insecurities. Let him know they are there but that you are working on them. Strong relationships are built on honesty and being able to communicate..


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

nvr2many said:


> OP, just wondering if you suffer from anxiety? I do and take medication for it and boy it sure makes a world of difference! I am a woman that was married for 16 years and had a cheater husband. I went into the relationship with my current husband trusting like I had never been hurt before only to get hurt with stupid crap that we will not go into now. So yes! I really had a tough year after that, (or so). But I noticed once I addressed my anxiety issues I was able to handle the fear and thoughts so much better. Did they go away? no! But I was able to handle them and put them into perspective. And as time went on things got so much better!!!! Communication is key also. Talk to him, tell him how you feel. If you talk to a professional you may find that anxiety is at the wheel and driving some of this. I am sorry you are going through this but I do know how you feel!! My husband and I are totally on the same page and if we weren't, well, we would not be together.


Clinically diagnosed? No. Personally, I think . . . *I KNOW* I do have an issue with anxiety. For what it's worth, I go through these weird mood swings where maybe 55% of the month I am more or less neutral to everything (not necessarily enjoying anything though) like I am on auto-pilot, than the remaining 45% I bounce around between being extremely happy/talkative to extremely emotional/depressed/*quick to get angry*/cry a lot/can't get out of bed--It's like PMS never ends. 

It's gotten better as I have gotten older, but when it is bad it's horrible.

The "anxiety" seems like the icing on the cake over all the layers of what is me. It's always present but acts up unexpectedly. I get night-terror-like dreams too. They're strange to explain. they start with me waking up, sort of, because I remember them, and then I get really scared as if something is trying to attack me in the dark, I try to scream but I can't. Last week this happened three times. 

I also get dreams about . . . the past, from when I was hurt and those really ruin my day. 

I've learned to compartmentalize a lot of my . . . issues . . . and it has helped me not be a total nut case ( I know that has to be what some people would think after reading this lol) but they are still there. Also, just to throw it in there, in high school I tried smoking pot because I was under the guise that marijuana would help me relax.HA! Far from it! 

I convinced myself my friend was trying to kill me with Wiccan magic. I also convinced myself I had contracted HIV AIDS. I also thought I was going to get worms at the same friend's house because her room was a pigsty -- I found pizza crusts in the sheets of her bed WTH.

The only 'drug regimen' I have tried is of the equine kind. Horses are literally the only things that keep my feet on the ground.


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## Poco1220 (Apr 6, 2010)

I have my husbands fb password, my moms, and my best friends. But I also run a fb page/business so I often need to use other accounts. I also use my best friends email, eBay, and PayPal. 

However in all 3 instances this information was volunteered to me from them. Knowing I would only use it as needed and be respectful of their privacy. I would never ask or demand such information and wouldn't give it to anyone who asked or demanded it from me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

smguidotti said:


> Clinically diagnosed? No. Personally, I think . . . *I KNOW* I do have an issue with anxiety. For what it's worth, I go through these weird mood swings where maybe 55% of the month I am more or less neutral to everything (not necessarily enjoying anything though) like I am on auto-pilot, than the remaining 45% I bounce around between being extremely happy/talkative to extremely emotional/depressed/*quick to get angry*/cry a lot/can't get out of bed--It's like PMS never ends.
> 
> It's gotten better as I have gotten older, but when it is bad it's horrible.
> 
> ...


Horses are good for keeping us grounded!! I really do believe that you have a chemical imbalance and would benefit from some sort of treatment. Its nothing to be ashamed of, just like diabetes, if they take their meds its better if they don't, not so much. Please think about it and good luck. You can pm me any time if you would like!!!

Oh and just to add, it may make you feel better to know, if this is the case,,,,,,,, its not your fault! Nothing you do besides get help, will fix this, you can't fix and imbalance by yourself!


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## smguidotti (Jul 31, 2012)

nvr2many said:


> Horses are good for keeping us grounded!! I really do believe that you have a chemical imbalance and would benefit from some sort of treatment. Its nothing to be ashamed of, just like diabetes, if they take their meds its better if they don't, not so much. Please think about it and good luck. You can pm me any time if you would like!!!
> 
> Oh and just to add, it may make you feel better to know, if this is the case,,,,,,,, its not your fault! Nothing you do besides get help, will fix this, you can't fix and imbalance by yourself!


Thanks for the support nvr2many


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## MN Tigerstripes (Feb 20, 2009)

I didn't read the whole thread (seems to be a failing today), but trust issues either mean that you need to work through something on your own or there is something majorly wrong in your relationship and the way you're being treated. Either instant requires a change, whether it be working on yourself or getting rid of a boyfriend whose actions lead to mistrust.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

smguidotti said:


> Thanks for the support nvr2many


Your welcome!


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