# Diary of a (Very) Late Bloomer



## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

--The Backstory--

Although I've been riding since May 2020, I finally decided I should be writing all this down. This journey has already been a roller coaster of highs and lows; challenging, exhilarating, joyful, and fulfilling. I think if I would have started writing back in May, I'd be surprised by how far I've come. 

I've loved horses (or maybe the _idea_ of horses) ever since I was a young girl. My mom was a single mom and money was tight, so riding lessons were a luxury we couldn't afford. I went to some Girl Scout two-week horse camps and absolutely loved having a horse that was my very own partner for the whole time. It was heaven. 

Fast-forward 25-ish years. I'm finally in a spot where I can afford lessons and my kids are at an age where they'll be fine if I spend a few hours at the barn in the course of the week. I started lessons at the same very large barn as my daughter. I didn't know any better at the time, but looking back now, those horses were so overworked and the (very sweet) trainer was just not experienced enough to give high-quality instruction. After getting bit while tacking up and feeling frustrated in my lack of progress, we switched to a high-end hunter/jumper barn. Long story short- it wasn't much better. The people were snotty, the instructor was better, but was so booked that she had no time to show us the ropes of proper horse care. On my 2nd lesson, my riding partner for the day, a mare described as "crabby," turned her butt when I walked in the stall to groom her and kicked me in the side. Thankfully, I wasn't hurt badly, but had a pretty nasty bruise and, thanks to this and the bite I received previously, I now had a pretty intense fear of horses. I knew I couldn't stay at this barn for safety reasons, but I didn't know what else to do. I was really starting to wonder if horses were for me. I couldn't shake the idea that maybe I just wasn't meant to be a "horse person." 

With some encouragement from those closest to me, I decided that I needed to find a way to connect with horses that would help me gain back some confidence. I knew that these barns with huge lesson programs were not going to work for me at this point. After some serious internet searching, I found a rescue barn about an hour away that was looking for volunteers. I decided to sign up to volunteer one day a week. I learned how to clean stalls, feeders, and auto-waterers. But I was also asked to take horses in and out from pasture and my anxiety crept up. However, some very patient staff helped me work on this. I also started taking groundwork courses and eventually riding lessons from this same rescue barn. I began to feel my confidence growing again and I began looking forward to being among horses again instead of being in fear. 

In November, things are going well and at lessons one night, I pick up the canter on a beautiful horse I'm riding. I don't know exactly what happened, but going around a corner, I lost my balance, and I fell. HARD. On my outstretched hand/wrist. I ended up breaking my ulna and shattering my radius. I had to get surgery to have metal plates and 8 pins in my arm. Needless to say, all that confidence was once again GONE. But for whatever reason, I knew that this wasn't the end for my work with horses. Merely a bump in the road. 

Thankfully, my healing process was remarkably quick and I had my first lesson back in January. My trainer highly suggested I start back with private lessons, which I have. I have also added a group lesson mid-week. The fear is slowly subsiding. My trainer has been so good about going back to basics and focusing on my seat and moving with the horse. She has purposely had me ride the same horse several times so that I can begin to get over the fear of what happened with him (especially since it was NO fault of his own). 

I think that's all up to speed. In this very short time I've been working with horses as an adult, there have been a lot of negative things that have happened. But the gift of my age is knowing that experience is the best teacher (even though she can be a BI*&% sometimes!) and that life's too short to let fear/anxiety stand in the way of a true passion. And always, the connections with horses and the simple pleasure of being with horses... those moments of joy outweigh the bad. 

So, my goal is to use the journal to keep track of what I'm working on and experiencing as I try to learn all I can about being the best human for the horses around me... with the long-term goal of one day leasing and perhaps owning my own horse.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Today was a great day at the rescue ranch for a number of reasons. On the volunteer side, I continue to gain confidence with catching horses in the pastures. Some take a little longer than others, but I think this experience with working with horses of lots of levels of training will ultimately come in handy. When I first started volunteering, I remember having to take big deep breaths before even stepping through the gate. I was so afraid that I'd get hurt again. I still have some anxiety around this- don't get me wrong- but groundwork classes have really helped me take control of it. I ride with someone on the groundwork team and she told me the other day that even she, after hundreds of hours of groundwork experience, still gets nervous working with horses. I would have never guessed! 

I also got to help a cast yearling today, which was something I had never even heard of before today! 

My lesson today was fabulous- not because I did everything right, but because I feel like I was able to respond to almost every correction. I once again rode the same horse that I fell off of back in November. This lesson and last week's group lesson felt really good. I could feel my legs in a better position and more still, my core more engaged, my seat more plugged in, and my upper body straighter. There are lots of little tweaks, though. I can't believe how many times my trainer has to tell me to put my inside shoulder back, close my fingers, and keep my heels down. :/ Poor lady should just record herself yelling those things! I'd also been working on leg position and had been having some issues with it until last lesson, I had a horse with a good, consistent trot and large knee rolls and those two things seem to help keep my legs in a decent position. At today's lesson, I hardly needed any reminding about leg position at all! At the beginning, my legs began to creep forward a bit, but a quick pop up into 2 point seemed to help me adjust.

The past two times I've ridden, I've been working using my body, leg cues, and even some subtle rein cues to discourage my horse from falling in at the circle. I'm slowly getting there, but I feel like such a dunce sometimes because my trainer has to tell me how to do it EVERY time. It's just not a natural thing for me yet. She really pushes for me to _feel _when the horse falls in and help him fix it right away. This is super important for me because my instability at a turn is what caused me to fall off at the canter in November.

As always, I did quite a bit of no stirrup work. I tend to lean to the inside when doing no stirrup work and my outside leg gets way short, so I'm focusing on reaching my legs down and around and keeping leg on and heels down. I'm still a bit nervous with this, especially since the horse I ride a lot has a big bouncy trot (and he tends to try to get a bigger trot when following behind other horses).

The best part of the lesson was that I got to try some trot poles! My trainer asked if I was comfortable and I trust her very much, so I said yes, of course. She said that the little jump could propel my horse into a canter, so to be prepared for that to happen. I felt ready, even though I haven't cantered since THE INCIDENT.  Well, my big guy pretty lazily popped over the trot poles and we didn't end up cantering, but I was very happy with my form nonetheless. 

I'm going to ask if my trainer will take some video of me at my group lesson on Wednesday. It's so hard to think about my position when I can't see myself. I do kind of wish our arena had mirrors. 

I've been watching a lot of dressage videos lately- it's definitely something that intrigues me. The lesson horses at the ranch aren't especially trained in any specific discipline, so I don't know that if I ever chose to pursue dressage, it could happen there. But I could be wrong. Something else to ask my trainer...

So, I go to sleep tonight, thankful for horses, my trainer, and the opportunities I've been given to learn.

/BLTN/


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

BetterLateThanNever said:


> heels down. :/ Poor lady should just record herself yelling those things!


LOL my instructors could really use something like that. I'm imagining an electric megaphone that lets you pre-record a few messages. 

Or maybe they don't need it. Right now, every time I ride, even if it's by myself, I can hear "heels down, heels down," in my head LOL.

Anyways I just wanted to say that I'm impressed you stuck with it after all of that. I am not sure I would have. Keep up the good work!


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## Palfrey (May 29, 2020)

Good job sticking with it! Those first lesson horses sound absolutely miserable; how sad for them! Glad you've gotten away from that environment. 

It's exciting that you and your kid can share a hobby together. It's nice having a pal to tool around with!

I follow a YT channel called "Your Riding Success". You may like it since you have an interest in dressage. The channel takes a more in depth look at the rider and the emotions/feelings within. 

Good luck and I look forward to more entries!


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## whisperbaby22 (Jan 25, 2013)

Good luck with your lessons.


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## PinkPrancer (Nov 10, 2020)

@BetterLateThanNever (love the username!) WOW! It sounds like your riding journey started out pretty darn rough, I am very impressed you were able to persevere through all that. I feel like if I were in your position I may have felt too beaten down to continue on. So, really, amazing job 

It sounds like you're in a really good place now, and I look forward to reading more about your lessons in the future. Best of luck!!


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## Animalia (Nov 10, 2019)

Congratulations on your success! I am so sorry you had so much trouble at the beginning. I am not sure if I would have been able to keep going after all that. I have been working with and riding horses since I was 5, on and off, several years on, and then several years off, back and forth. Now I've been leasing for a couple years steady and I still feel like a dunce. I was never very "schooled". I had lessons as a very young kid and then a few again as a Middle School kid and I rode every horse I could. My Great Aunt had a horse ranch so that's where I started. I also worked in a couple large horse stables. But I also just turned 50 and I have some chronic health problems and have gone mostly blind in the last 16 years, as well as having other problems due to autoimmune arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Due to all of that--I too am scared of getting injured and sometimes have a lot of anxiety around horses. I get fearful when they spook and I get fearful when they are having some issues with slipping, tripping or being slightly lame. 
I think it's ok to be a little anxious sometimes--we do need to respect the danger factor of horses--even the most seasoned horse people need to still be careful. Just not so much that it prevents joy and moving forward. And it sounds like you are working through all this beautifully. I would encourage you to start leasing sooner rather than later. Find a nice, sane horse. Riding the same horse has a huge comfort factor. You get to know them and how they move and they get to know you and your style of riding and it becomes a nice partnership--sometimes! LOL


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Tonight was group lesson night and WHAT a lesson it was! I was definitely a bit out of my comfort zone, but in the end I walked away feeling more confident and proud of myself. 

When I walked in, I looked to see who my horse partner would be tonight and went to grab the appropriate tack. Then my trainer said, "Oh, you're riding bareback today." Surprise! I've never ridden bareback before, but I was excited to try. Once I figured out how to get on (beached whale comes to mind), it definitely took some getting used to. The guy I was riding is a stocky Haflinger cross and has a very wide back. It took a minute to figure how to balance properly. We stuck with walk/trot tonight. My trainer invited me to try a canter, but my legs were already getting tired and I figured I shouldn't push my luck. We worked on bending on the circle and feel good about my use of seat and leg to direct motion. I even posted the trot for a good long while (hence the screaming thighs!). 

We played a very silly game tonight of "musical triangles," basically a game to practice getting to a point quickly and halting quickly. I didn't win any rounds (which I'm totally okay with- not competitive at all), but enjoyed the practice and the fun. Playing this with a group of middle-aged adults of varying levels of anxiety was a hoot!  BUT...on the last round, our trainer said we were going to switch horses. I was fine with this...or so I thought. There were 4 of us tonight and 3 of the horses we were using I was very familiar with and comfortable riding on. So I wasn't too worried because I figured my trainer would put me on one of them. The 4th is a sensitive and somewhat spooky Thoroughbred that is FAST and likes to try to bully his riders a bit. And guess who my trainer put me on... YEP! The TB. My reaction: "I have to ride THAT?" Now, he is huge, especially next to these short, stocky horses I'm used to riding. I have to admit I was a little nervous even getting on him. I'm used to lesson horses that you really have to kick hard to get going. This guy--you barely have to touch him and he's off like a flash! So I had to be very conscious of all things my body was doing and the messages he was getting from me. Once I asked for a trot, he took off quickly, but I'm proud to say I stayed calm, practiced slowing my posting trot, not allowing him to be in charge of the pace. I can't say that we really participated in the game, but I did get a chance to see how a much more "spirited" horse rides. I was happy to be on the ground again after riding him, but very thankful for the learning. 

I'm sad that it'll be 2 weeks before I ride again due to a little vacation we're taking, but I'll come back to it fresh and ready to go.


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## PinkPrancer (Nov 10, 2020)

Wow! I've never ridden bareback, so that entire lesson sounds absolutely terrifying to me! Then switching to a horse you're not accustomed to? Eek! 

But it sounds like you had an awesome time, expanded your knowledge and stayed safe, and that's what matters  It's nice you didn't feel pressured to be super competitive and were able to take the challenges at your own pace. That's often something my instructor brings up when I start getting too stressed out about doing something correctly or fast enough or whatever, that right now I'm still in the "fun" stage, that the mistakes I'm making now are all in the name of learning and that's why I'm on a forgiving horse to help me through that. And I think that's something that can benefit a lot of beginners. We're in such a rush to get everything correct right away, when really, right now is the time to mess up because we're still figuring it all out. 

Anyway, have fun on your vacation!!!


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## Animalia (Nov 10, 2019)

Wow, that would be daunting. I used to ride bareback all the time in my teens and through my 20's and into my 30's. Even cantering and galloping. But now that I'm 50 and had many years off no freaking way. I've ridden bareback a few times in the last year--only at a walk or very slow jog and I was daunted. I did get a bit more comfortable over time, but yeah, it's not relaxing. And to be on a hot TB--no way! LOL The Haflinger sounds like a good bet for a first bareback ride.  I am considering trying some bareback with my new lease horse, he's big and wide enough and slow enough, but I too am not sure how to get on. The mounting block is a small one and the private individual's barn I'm at doesn't have a platform. Beached whale indeed! Too funny! Looking forward to reading your posts!


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

Congrats on doing a bareback lesson!

When riding bareback, there are two kinds of horses IME: (1) the kind that force you into doing the splits to sit on them, but are very comfy otherwise (like the one you rode), and (2) the ones whose body is shaped like a triangle, which seem more secure but also may hamper your ability to have children in the future LOL. Both will have you walking funny the next day, albeit in different ways.


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## GoBlue (Mar 15, 2017)

Wow, what a comeback from some tough early experiences. That group lesson sounds like a ton of fun! I would love the occasional lesson with a bunch of middle-aged adults of varying levels of anxiety. Those are my people 😀. I'm impressed with your ability to post bareback. I found that so much more balance-challenging than the canter (and I could barely hurl myself "up" at all, I just felt like I was sitting up taller or something when trying to post).


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

GoBlue said:


> Wow, what a comeback from some tough early experiences. That group lesson sounds like a ton of fun! I would love the occasional lesson with a bunch of middle-aged adults of varying levels of anxiety. Those are my people 😀. I'm impressed with your ability to post bareback. I found that so much more balance-challenging than the canter (and I could barely hurl myself "up" at all, I just felt like I was sitting up taller or something when trying to post).


Oh my gosh- it's really fun with that group and I love being able to listen to the corrections my instructor is giving the other ladies so I can try correcting that for myself!  Is that cheating? It also helps me stay loose and have fun and not so "in my head" when I'm by myself. I'm still slightly terrified of the canter, though I've heard time and time again that it's easier!


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

My daughter rides on Friday nights, so I asked my trainer if I could possibly crash her lesson since I won't be riding for another week and a half or so. She said I could and, as always, I began to wonder who my horse partner would be for the lesson. As I thought about my last lesson, I knew who it be would be...I just KNEW it. And I was right--that dang TB I rode on Wednesday night. Oh boy, I was scared. 

I rode him with a western saddle to feel a little more secure, but I was still so nervous. Our last ride together went okay, but it was only for about 5 minutes after he had been ridden by someone else for the prior 45 minutes. I was sure that my trainer was making a bad call.

The first few minutes were okay. We stayed to one side of the arena since he tends to have baby spooks near the corners on one side of the arena. Eventually, though, we went down to the other side of the arena and it was fine. Then he picked up the pace and I could feel myself bracing. From then on, he had my number and I had to fight him every step of the way. I felt bad for the other two riders in the lesson as my trainer pretty much had to focus on me the whole time. This TB is a bully and spoiled rotten and is used to getting his way. He was definitely trying to push me around and sometimes, he succeeded. He requires constant stimulation to keep his mind active, so we did lots of circles and rein wiggling.

At the end of the lesson, I was exhausted and not real proud of how I handled myself. My trainer said that when it came down to it, I was able to stay somewhat calm and keep my hands soft, which is something to celebrate. I'm not the giving up type, so even though I was really nervous to ride him, I asked my trainer if I could ride him again in the future. She said, "Oh yeah. He's gonna be your boyfriend now- get ready." He's a good teacher, for sure, but maybe I can ride him every other lesson...


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Last night was group lesson and I have to admit that I was a little nervous going back. I know, I know, it had only been a week and a half since my last ride, but I was a bit worried that somehow I may have forgotten (or rather, my body may have forgotten) how to ride. Funny the fears us adults have that kids never even consider. My daughter is always so blissfully ignorant. 

I was relieved a bit to see that I was riding one of my favorite, steady-eddy horses. My trainer asked me to put on a western saddle and I began to wonder WHY... Well, to my surprise and excitement, we were going on a trail ride! Now, I did a bit of trail riding at my first barn and I loved it. It was a good mix of gentle hills, and several straightaways where we could trot or canter safely. But this was nothing like that. The first part was a VERY steep hill and we basically had to grab mane and 2-point all the way up. We crossed several creeks and went up and down some pretty intense terrain. Now, none of that was too daunting, really. What was...adventurous...was the horses. My trainer was riding one of the rescues and he was, shall we say, spirited. She nearly got bucked off at several points. The assistant was riding the same stinker I rode the lesson before this and he did some mini rears and really fought against the halt. One of the riders was riding bareback and was riding a pony who was really feeling his oats and only wanted to go one speed--fast. He nearly slammed the poor woman into trees a couple of times. But miracle of miracles...no one fell off, no one got hurt. Luckily my horse and the horse of the other lady in the class were very calm and handled the whole thing like total champs. As for everyone else, well, they have some good stories to tell. Whew.

At the very end, right before the sun set, my trainer had me and the other lady on a calm horse run some trot/canter transitions up a gentle hill. It felt nice to get a little bit of speed and wind in the hair. My trainer said she thought we deserved a little excitement, too. Ha. I was perfectly fine with the level of excitement I had! 

My daughter is going to have a full day of horses tomorrow as she has a camp all day and then her regular lesson in the evening. Here's hoping she holds out okay. 

I start my third round of groundwork classes on Saturday and I'll be back out to volunteer on Sunday. My daughter starts a groundwork class for kids NEXT Sunday. So, I'll be at the barn 4 days throughout the week. Yikes. Unfortunately, it's an hour away, so that's going to be a lot of car time. Maybe I can get someone to recommend podcasts.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

This was a VERY busy weekend- lots of horse time. I like it because it emulates a little what my life might be like once I actually lease/own a horse. I just wish the ranch weren't so dang far away.

Friday's lesson for my daughter went well. She got to ride with another young girl that she really likes, so they had a good time together. My daughter was tired after doing a horse camp all day, but she somewhat held it together. After her lesson, she helped our trainer with a green broke rescue mini-- hand walking, lunging, and eventually, in the saddle on a lunge line. Overall, they both did great- although his trot was like a jackhammer. 

Saturday began my third series of groundwork classes and there was a TON of people there. I had been spoiled by the 2-3 person classes I had in the fall. Anyway, since there were so many new people, we went over the very basics. I didn't mind- it's always good to get refreshers. I was happy to see that I remembered a lot of the work that we did in the fall. Originally, I was supposed to work with a mare who is known for being kind of a jerk in her stall- when she first came the ranch, she would turn her butt in the stall, pin her ears back, and even nip at people sometimes. However, the trainer was the one that got her out and she had no problems with her. I also saw that she has a stunning trot and canter- what a beautiful mover! But, this particular horse makes me nervous because her personality reminds me a bit of the big mare that kicked me way back in August. ::shudder:: But I worked with a lovely little Arabian and everything went great- we did all the usual: lateral flexion, disengaging the hindquarters, desensitizing, backing, halting, etc.

Today was private lesson day and I'm so happy to say that it went very well. My trainer is amazing. I can only hope that every equestrian has someone as knowledgable, empathetic, and encouraging as she! I'm not going to lie- I was definitely nervous because she had me on that silly TB again AND back in an English saddle. . But this is the magic of private lessons...with her focus solely on me, over the course of the lesson, my trainer coached me into getting him to relax, stretch out, and see that when he does that, things are so much easier! We started off by doing some half passes at the walk up the quarter line- to engage his quick mind and to help create a connection between him and I. Our half passes weren't pretty (my fault), but we did it okay, and that's a start. We did a lot of circling, first at the walk, then at the posting trot, working on my ability to direct him with my hips and leg, more than my rein. Lots of this. LOTS of "Inside shoulder back!" "Elbow back!" At one point, she literally said "shoulder back" 3 times in a row. D'oh. Towards the end of the lesson, we were working on some half arena circles and as I came down the long side of the arena, I went into a canter. It was messy and ugly, but I DID IT! Two things that scare me- a sassy TB and cantering...and I did it. Not to be braggy...but I even got a couple of compliments from some people watching. Now, could I do any of this on my own without my trainer? NOPE! But I know I'll get there.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Today was group lesson day and, as always, it was a ton of fun. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I was a little disappointed that I wasn't riding my new buddy, the spoiled TB.  Since more people have been riding him, I have definitely seen improvement in his willingness to work with the rider and that makes me love him even more. Plus, he's so dang handsome and a very smooth mover. 

BIG NEWS (at least to me)... I'm going to my first show next weekend! It's a schooling show and I'm only doing classes on the flat and a ground poles class- nothing major. But, still, I'm nervous! I'll be riding a horse that is on loan from a barn where my trainer used to work and is very close with the trainer still. She says he's really sweet and very well trained so I don't have anything to worry about. So, part of our class tonight was preparing for the show- practicing what the judges would ask us to do and what they'd be looking for. Sounds like there are going to be a lot of people showing in each class, so I have to be particularly careful about spacing and being aware of my surroundings. 

We did quite a bit of no stirrup work tonight and focused a ton on sitting trot, which is really great for me because I am forever working on relaxing and not clenching my buttocks. The horse I rode tonight was that same Halflinger cross I rode bareback and dude's trot is bouncy as heck, but again, it's a good teaching moment for me. I also cantered tonight! This big guy has been getting in a bad habit lately of diving in the middle at the canter and since mostly beginner riders and kids ride him, they don't yet have the skills or muscle to drive him back over to the rail. So, he was pulling that with me and since I'm nervous at the canter, I had a hard time getting him back, but after the 3rd or 4th time, I felt much more secure in my seat and I was able to put my leg on very consistently to get him over. Each canter is a win for me! 

We had thunderstorms roll through tonight and the lights actually went out twice-- luckily they have generators that kicked on. My friend riding the silly TB was worried that he might spook, but he did okay. 

Overall, another great lesson. I am so happy!


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## GoBlue (Mar 15, 2017)

This is so nice to read. Do you mind me asking--are you still at the rescue place? Or is this a regular barn? It just sounds like exactly what I would love to find. That they offer ground lessons too is great. I basically want to be a middle aged Pony Clubber I guess. 

Exciting about the show!


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

I don't mind you asking at all! I'm still at the rescue place. It has truly been the best thing that could have happened after a rough start in the horse world.

There are about 90 horses there at the moment, but there are a handful that are trained well enough to be lesson horses. And some of the advanced students ride horses that are rescues, but have some training and need more riding hours. A middle-aged Pony Clubber is RIGHT! I always feel like the Pony Club when I ride with the group of ladies on Wednesday night. It makes me giggle.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

I have to admit--last weekend was exhausting. My daughter had lessons on Friday night, which was fine. She also got to canter up the hill, which she was scared to do, but ended up doing fine. 

I had another groundwork class on Saturday, but I wanted to be sure to get some volunteer time in, so I get there at 7:30 and worked around the ranch until class started at 10. Class was great and I learned a TON- I worked with a horse who was a relatively new rescue and has major issues with personal space, stopping, and backing, so I got to put some skills to work. 

By the time I finished class, I was exhausted, but I had a lesson scheduled for that afternoon, which got pushed back even later! Sooooo tired! I was riding with a lady I really like, so I was excited. But I was also riding that lovely TB and I could tell from the 2nd I grabbed him from his paddock, it was not going to go well. It was a very windy day and every thing that moved caught his attention. His eyes were wide and his focus was shot. So I think I went into the ride already scared of what could happen when he's all keyed up. Once I got on, it was just as I thought- he was in a major rush, tried to ignore cues, and was doing baby spooks all over the place. I was having difficulty keeping him focused on me and we were having a hard time going through turns and keep an even pace. I stuck with it, but at one point, I asked my trainer to get on so I could watch what she did with him (and honestly, I needed a break). I also felt bad for the other rider because it was turning into more of a private lesson. I got back on and finished out the ride with some fairly decent figure eights, but nothing fantastic. I focused mostly on being calm and on using my pelvis to help direct his movements. I left feeling pretty crappy about my riding abilities and the fact that maybe I was actually teaching this TB some negative habits. This would be why I waited so long to write. I really didn't want to rehash that. After some time to reflect, I know that this horse can either help you feel like you're on top of the world or like you are the world's worst rider with little in between. I cut this one as a loss and tried to shake it off.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Last night was group lesson night again and my trainer had me riding a horse who I had only ridden before my big fall, so it had been awhile. He is known for cutting corners and diving in to the middle of the arena. He also vacillates between going too fast and not going at all.  On top of all that-- with a lot of corrections, he tends to shut down. I opted for a Western saddle...JUST in case. He stood fine to be groomed and tacked up, but once we walked toward the arena, he spooked a bit at something and wasn't thrilled to have someone getting on him. His walk was a good pace but I was met with a lot of resistance when picking up the trot- rooting his head down, lots of coughing. My trainer thinks that part of it may be allergies and a some if it may be him being silly. He also really tries to avoid the corner by the gate, so we did that corner several times at a walk with some big pets when he did it. His bend on the circle is terrible, so we did a few big circles, but more often than not, he would just shut down in the middle of the arena. I didn't look forward to doing any circles/arena cutting to avoid other riders because I knew he would just try to stop. Things got a bit better as we went on, I do have to admit. He started to look a little more relaxed. Then, we cantered, and I have to say that it was the most relaxed I have felt at the canter in a very long time. We did 2-3 laps around the arena in both directions and, while not perfect, was much better than I had done in the past! He even got his corners and everything! At then end of class, we went outside to the outdoor arena and practiced being in a flat class and courtesy circles before ground poles class. Other than my brave guy spooking at a few things in the arena, we did great. . I'm looking forward to the show on Saturday, but I'm not going to lie- I am terrified, too! Being the center of attention is NOT my cup of tea!


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

I FINALLY got to snuggle down with my laptop this morning and type some of my thoughts down. It has been a VERY busy past few weeks! Yowzah! 

First, the show. It was extremely nerve-wracking and my pockets are considerably lighter (paying for both me and my daughter), but it was an...::interesting::...experience. I won't go so far to say I enjoyed it, but I can see how it was a good learning experience. However, I think the experience is a bit tinged for me because I was riding a horse I had never ridden before. We were at the show with another barn--my trainer is good friends with their trainer-- and since we had so many people riding from our barn, the other trainer very kindly offered 2 of her horses. Yes, I was a bit scared about this, but I trust my trainer very much and I know she is very aware of my ability and the horses' temperaments. WELL... I got on the horse, a beautiful gelding, to warm up and was fine at the walk, but as soon as we started trotting, oh my. This horse was SUPER bouncy and I felt very insecure. I tried to settle myself a few times around the ring, but ended up coming in to my trainer and telling her that I just didn't feel comfortable riding him. Luckily, they were able to get me on a different horse and all ended up being fine. But, for me, it was extremely embarrassing. To know that everyone was watching me and seeing that I couldn't handle that first horse, really brought me down a few notches in the confidence department. To add insult to injury...I saw a Facebook post a few days later where a 7-year-old was riding that same horse in a lesson.  I always tell people that riding as an adult beginner is very humbling. There is no room for ego! It's good for me as a teacher because I can always relate to the vulnerability that comes with being a learner. Anyway...I competed in three classes- W/T equitation (4th place), W/T under saddle (1st place), and ground poles x2 (4th, 2nd). I think I'm more of a trail riding, pleasure kinda gal, though. Shows really don't feel like my "thing."

Last week's group lesson started off just fine. I rode my old friend, the silly TB (who just turned 14!). My head really started hurting on the way there and I took some medicine. When I started riding I felt okay, but after about 15 minutes of riding, my head was throbbing and I was starting to feel light-headed. I ended up getting off early and putting my guy back out. It was a good thing I did because I ended up stopping on the way home and getting sick. I'm guessing it was a migraine, but I've never had one before, so I'm not sure. I slept for a long time and felt much better in the morning. 

I asked my trainer if I could ride him again at my semi-private lesson yesterday and she said I could, so we were back at it. It was a good lesson. He has really settled in since I first rode him and, for the most part, seems to be more in the lesson horse mentality. However, he does tend to get a bit more forward when behind other horses, so we worked on cues that I could give to settle him into a more even pace. We did some canter work and it was NOT pretty, folks. Yep, I tensed up and since this guy is VERY smart, he anticipated us going into the canter and it was not a smooth transition- very rushed and upward. I was all crooked and not soft and overall, a mess. Of course, the 10-year old I was riding with was the model of grace and stability.  Like I said... humbling. We practiced a course with ground poles and circling to work on suppling and I got a pretty good bend going, so there was a success. At the end I did some work cantering up the quarter line where my guy wasn't expecting it and that was a LOT smoother.

Overall, when it comes to cantering (and the sitting trot), I have to learn to get out of my head. I know I tense up--my mind immediately goes back to my fall. My trainer has me sing something slowly and sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. There are definitely some horses I'm more comfortable with, but I want to keep working with this big TB because I think he's a good example of "just outside the comfort zone." He's not unmanageable, but just a step up enough to help me grow.


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## whisperbaby22 (Jan 25, 2013)

The thing that counts is that you feel better when you ride, first the physical fitness, then the mental calming. It's ok to feel humbled, but keep in mind the more important issues. 

As for tensing up, if singing does not help pretend you are the messenger sent to save the village. Or the hunter out to save your family from hunger, or the knight is shining armor. 
I like to think I'm on a round up, looking for strays.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

whisperbaby22 said:


> The thing that counts is that you feel better when you ride, first the physical fitness, then the mental calming. It's ok to feel humbled, but keep in mind the more important issues.
> 
> As for tensing up, if singing does not help pretend you are the messenger sent to save the village. Or the hunter out to save your family from hunger, or the knight is shining armor.
> I like to think I'm on a round up, looking for strays.


Thanks for this. I know my path as a rider and horse person will be more of a squiggle than a straight line and, while frustrating, doesn't really upset me. I keep high expectations for myself, but not unreachable. 

And thanks for the tips on not tensing. I'll give it a try! Visualization may be just the ticket.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

I'm sort of mad at myself for not keeping up with this little journal. I just spent that past few minutes reading through it and I am so glad that I started keeping it! So I'll try to jump back in with some regularity.

The past couple of months have been so fun at the ranch! I finally, FINALLY feel my confidence growing. These days, I typically ride either the silly TB or a palomino gelding who is at the ranch for a bit...who I am absolutely in love with. I already asked the owner if she would consider leasing him to me after his loan at the ranch is up in November. She said she'd consider it... fingers crossed. I even have a boarding barn picked out! I've briefly looked into a few leases I've seen posted on some Facebook groups, but nothing has been a good fit so far. 

I've been slowly increasing my hours at the barn... ::hoping my husband doesn't notice::  As of now, I'm riding 3 times per week, volunteering on one of those days, and working on shadowing for groundwork team on one day. Yep- 4 days a week at the ranch. That's 8 hours in the car per week! I just might be a little nuts.

So tonight's ride was really cool because we had a guest trainer (my usual trainer is out of town) and, for whatever reason, the way she explained things really clicked with me. A few things I noted:

-sitting trot: shorten outside rein and good contact, elbows stick to sides, shoulders up and back, lean back slightly, the hold on the reins and the motion of the horse at the trot should help me sit deeper (this got me the best sitting trot I've had on the pally I love)
-canter to trot transition: in order to help maintain balance, use inside leg to help horse step down into trot, don't let him just "die out"- if he does, go back into canter and try again, ONLY I get to decide when it's time to downward transition
-Exercise: track right, got a nice rhythmic canter around the arena before downward transition to trot, over trot poles, track left and then ask for walk using seat, horse MUST wait for my cues
-trainer encouraged us to take circles as needed/wanted- just asked that we communicate to other riders
-I need to CLOSE MY DANG hands!!

I feel so thankful to have worked with this trainer- she's experienced and a gifted instructor. 

Next ride is on Friday with a different trainer! Hopefully just as successful.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Today was something new and exciting for me and I want to make sure I get it all down before I forget. I'm at the point in learning about horses and riding where I just want to soak in everything and learn as much as I can. I think my family thinks I've gone a bit crazy... imagine, a horse crazy girl at age 38!!

To try to medicate the horse fever I have, I've been spending as much time as humanly possible at the ranch and learning in all kinds of capacities- groundwork with green horses, riding, cleaning, stretches, basic wound care, feeding...a little bit of everything! The other day when I was volunteering, I was talking with one of my favorite ranch employees and I mentioned that I was interested in dressage and asked if she knew any trainers in the area. She said, "Well...me!" We got to talking and it turns out she's a pretty experienced horsewoman and dressage rider. She offered to give me some lessons and, of course, I said "YES!" So today was our first lesson!

Oh my goodness. I had the BEST time. First of all, my trainer's horses are kept on a friend's property, which is in a residential equine community. How COOL! I met my horse partner (a beautiful Paint mare), got to know her a bit and off we rode down the road about 10 minutes to the arena (whose owner is letting us use for lessons). It was really nice! I just kept telling my trainer that I was living a dream. Anyway, we spent a lot of time giving walk breaks since today was SO hot (heat advisory today). This was totally fine, not only for the health of the horse, but also because it gave me and the mare time to get to know each other. She's a beautiful mover. Today I worked mainly on achieving a good bend with my horse, using the full arena, working around corners, 20m circles, and just the tiniest bit of trotting. Everything went pretty well. We tried quite a bit to get a leg yield today, but I was UTTER crap at it. Ha. Something to keep working on for sure. I was out there for almost three hours (riding only 45 min), which was WAY beyond expectations, but that included paperwork, getting to know everything about tack, etc. But it was also talking, being among horses, and enjoying the thrill of learning new things. I can't wait for my next lesson next week!

In other exciting news, last week at the ranch, my son came to watch my daughter and I ride in our lesson. He was so cute- giving encouragement to all the riders, complimenting, and offering to help. Made this mama proud. . At the end of our lesson, my trainer said to him, "Do you ride?" He told her he'd only done a few trails and wasn't really that "into horses." My trainer asked if he might want to try a little mini lesson. After some hesitation, my son agreed. So he hopped up (with only a bareback pad) on one of our sweetest and trustiest lesson horses. At first, he went around on a lead line, but then he did some walking on his own and even a little trotting! I'm not kidding when I tell you that the SMILE on his face went almost from ear to ear. It was the sweetest thing! He absolutely loved it. When he got off, he said, "Mom, I know lessons are a lot of money, but is there any way I can start taking lessons?" Like I'd say no to that! So, his first lesson is tomorrow! He has been talking about it ever since. I told my husband that he's the odd man out now, but I don't know that I'd even convince him to get on a horse.


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## whisperbaby22 (Jan 25, 2013)

Well this is great, even if kids don't stick with horses, they learn so much that I feel it lasts a life time.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

It feels so nice to be back on the forum! There was a whole bunch of stuff that happened that caused me to step away from riding and all of it had to do with the downright mean behavior of humans. Never have horses caused me as much anguish as fellow humans and I've been bit, kicked, and have a metal plate and pins because of horses! It has been a sad past couple of months. I really started to think that maybe I'd never find a place that would be a barn home for me to grow as a horsewoman and human. And I really felt how much joy being with horses and horse people brought me because it was taken away. 

I'd like to put this gross time in the past...and there is good news in this post- it's not all whining! I recently had a few days off and I decided it was time to stop throwing myself a pity party and get my *** back in the saddle (literally and metaphorically). Over the course of those few days, I visited no less than 5 barns. There was ONE place that immediately just felt good. I felt comfortable with the BO/trainer right away, met several of the boarders who seemed super cool, and I liked the philosophies and opportunities they have (on-site schooling shows, clinics, etc.). I watched the trainer coach another adult rider so I could observe her teaching style and perceptiveness, which I liked. Luckily they had 2 weekly evening lesson spots open and I snagged them. I had my first lesson last night after months of not riding and I don't know if my smile could get any bigger. It felt SO good to be back! The trainer took several photos with me and my very understanding and forgiving riding partner, a gorgeous 17.1 hh chestnut gelding--my face in the photos looks like pure joy. Ahhhh! 

The lesson itself was just an introductory/assessment lesson, so nothing super special but I felt that the trainer quickly and easily picked out my areas of strength and weakness and gave good suggestions. She was easy to talk with and down to earth, even though I know her knowledge level is extremely high. We did some basic walk/trot around the arena, 20 m circles, etc. She asked if I wanted to canter, but I wanted to give that just a tad bit more time in the saddle to get my seat back first. I'm very curious to see what we do next. This arena has mirrors (yay!) so I was able to watch myself. I could already see the areas I need to work on right away- keeping my hands closer together and fingers closed, more hip fluidity in the posting trot, and quieter legs. My god! Those legs were ridiculous! Can't wait to get back in riding shape. I have to say- I was pretty sore today, especially in the upper thigh area. 

My goal, as before, is to try to write at least weekly about what I'm doing in lessons. My hope is that I can look back on how far I've come--hopefully as I experience competitions, leasing, and maybe even owning my own horse some day! 

-BLTN-


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## Knave (Dec 16, 2015)

I have been reading your journal over the last couple days, and now I’m left with so many questions! Lol. I understand your wanting to leave that out though.

I will say, people can be quite awful. They come in all different areas of life, and I know how hard it is to let that go, because people in general frighten me. Lol. I am glad you got back into the saddle though. Don’t let some mean people get in the way of doing something you are passionate about!


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

After lessons were canceled last week due to the crazy winter storm we had, I was happy to be back at it again tonight! I rode the same old TB as my first lesson, but today started to feel more confident. We did much the same as last lesson-walk/trot transitions, 20m circles, and working on rate of speed. I heard lots about keeping my inside shoulder back and using my core to half halt as my guy tends to speed up around corners. I have really got to work on keeping my hands low and together--that is something that I am not used to! But I definitely didn't feel like I was bouncing around in my posting trot. I also need to work on keeping my weight more balanced in the stirrups as I often lean to one side. I was tending to cut a lot of corners in the arena today because I wasn't able to ask him to move over well enough. 

My trainer gave me some ideas for exercises for core strengthening and for isolating pelvis, shoulders, etc. I'm going to definitely give those a try this week. 

She also told me about a few clinics that I might ride in, though I feel like I might be too inexperienced... one is a "fix a test" clinic for dressage and the other is a biomechanics clinic that I think could be super helpful! Maybe some of you could chime in here with thoughts on my readiness for those clinics. I don't think I'm in any way ready for even an intro level dressage test, but it could be a great way to learn more. I don't really want to make an fool of myself, though...

-BLTN-


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Knave said:


> I have been reading your journal over the last couple days, and now I’m left with so many questions! Lol. I understand your wanting to leave that out though.
> 
> I will say, people can be quite awful. They come in all different areas of life, and I know how hard it is to let that go, because people in general frighten me. Lol. I am glad you got back into the saddle though. Don’t let some mean people get in the way of doing something you are passionate about!


Yeah, sorry for the mysterious post.  It basically came down to a whole bunch of barn drama that I unwittingly got swept up in. I was very sorry that it happened and I ::almost:: tried to overlook it because I had previously loved this barn so very much and I had put in SO.MUCH.TIME. But in the end, it was not worth it to stay in such a toxic environment. 

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement! I look forward to what the future holds. I believe there's a whole lot of awesome around the corner. 🤘


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## whisperbaby22 (Jan 25, 2013)

None of us wants to make a fool of ourselves, but when you are in a learning environment, being foolish is in the heads of those who do not really understand what learning means. Go for the biomechanics, and I'd be interested in what you find out.


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

I am so happy to say that I am loving my new barn. Kind people, amazing horses, talented trainer, and...a saddle that ACTUALLY FITS ME (and the horse, of course)! This is a huge deal because in my last place, the lesson saddles were woefully too small for me and I KNOW that caused problems with my position. My form is already better! 

In other news, I have decided to go for it and sign up for the fix a test clinic and the biomechanics clinic. I am a little nervous, as I said in last post, but being a teacher I recognize that only by stepping out of my comfort zone will I learn! I have to be a brave learner just like I ask my own students to be. 

Last lesson on Monday (3rd at the new barn), I told my trainer that I think I didn't quite fully understand the half halt- the way I was taught before was not the way my new trainer was asking. So a good part of the lesson was working on using the half halt to gain control of the fast paced trot that my amazing lesson guy can sometimes go in to. I'm still working quite a bit on placement of hands (almost like I'm praying, right above the withers) and keeping my inside shoulder back, especially around turns and corners. I definitely didn't feel as confident in this lesson as I had in the previous one, but you know...some days are like that. A funny thing...I had never put a turnout blanket on a horse before and after watching someone do it last lesson, I did it all by myself tonight! I honestly was kinda proud of myself. 

Today's lesson has me on that equestrian high! Not only just because of the lesson, but I got a little extra time to talk with my trainer, which is a bit of a luxury since she's super busy. She walked with me a bit around the barn and showed me some of her horses. She is just lovely, kind, and very knowledgeable. I am happy to be learning from her. In the lesson, we worked on the basics again, did some cavaletti poles and... OH YES... I even got a few strides of CANTER! This is huge because I haven't cantered since August. It was NOT pretty, folks, but I did it. I know I clenched up because I was nervous, but I'm looking forward to practicing more! I need to keep working on flexibility and keeping my hips loose as a ride-- I'm thinking I need to get back into the routine of doing yoga.

Next lesson on Monday...and I can hardly wait! Oh! And my trainer is going to bring her Pivo to our lessons so I can watch myself. Eek!

-BLTN-


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Monday's lesson (#5 at new barn) was pretty typical of what I've been doing so far, but I loved it because, due to the work holiday, I got to come out at an earlier time and meet a lot of the boarders and other staff that I'd not met yet. It was a beautiful day! I got a bit nervous because a few people were watching my lesson, but then I decided I didn't really care. If they are laughing at a beginner, that's their problem! I was a bit disappointed- no Pivo yet. I'm going to keep asking.  Takeaways from this lesson:

-using core for half halts
-stretching leg down and around the horse, stop gripping with knees, relax the hips
-figure out my DANG diagonals! I'm not sure why I've sent myself back 1 year of instruction with this! 
-straight lines across the diagonal, aiming for the outside of the turn
-inside shoulder up and back around turns and on 20 m. circle
-make sure my fingers are closed around the reins
-hands low and closer together near withers
-I used a dressage whip for the first time today, so I need to work on keeping it steady against my thigh instead of bouncing all around. Yeesh. Thank goodness these lesson horses don't spook easily.

One "shocking" part of my barn time on Monday... I took my lesson horse back out to his pasture for the first time by myself and I was very proud of myself for avoiding getting zapped by the electric fence and not letting any of the other horses out. WELL...the electric fence is perpendicular to the gate for a neighboring paddock and when I went to grab the chain to close this gate, yeah... you guessed it...ZAP. I hadn't noticed that the chain was touching the electric fence. And, man, that HURT! I let out a little scream and then proceeded to use a long stick to get the chain. OH, it must've been a sight. With everything else that has happened to me in my horsing adventures, this was only a matter of time. 

And today, well...today was one of the best lessons yet! And I mean perhaps in all of my almost 2 years of riding! For this lesson (#6), my usual lesson guy was unavailable, so I got to ride a new (to me) horse. I noticed on the ground while grooming and tacking up that he had a bit more attitude than my usual partner- throwing his head a bit, reluctant to pick up his feet, etc. It didn't bother me, but I'm thinking..."Hm, will this translate to issues in the ring?" Oh my, no. For whatever reason- I found him a DREAM to ride (I'm sure there are many technical and movement reasons for this, but I don't know the sport nor the horse well enough to say yet). Posting the trot felt natural, he responded easily to my cues, our 20 m. circles were CIRCLES! Not ovals, eggs, or pentagons! And his canter made me feel like I was on the Olympic dressage team! I cantered more than I have in EVER in one lesson. Just gorgeous. However, I noticed right away that he is a giraffe and keeps that head up a LOT. So we started working on getting him to bend and feel for that connection. We had a few glimmers of this happening, but I/we have some work to do here. Part of the problem is that I don't yet know what a horse reaching for connection feels like and what that pressure feels like in my hands. Once we transitioned to the walk, he kept yanking his head down- a bad habit that he tends to get away with when children are on his back. Stinker. God bless those lesson horses-- but they do know how to get away with things/get out of work/get the upper hand! Nonetheless, I was grinning stupidly the entire time and I enjoyed every second. Our lessons are always over far too soon! 

This lesson was also enjoyable because my son came with me- he hasn't been back to a barn since he took a couple of lessons at our old place last summer. He got to brush and pet my lesson horse and snuggle some barn cats. He says he can't wait to come back. It was so cute how he was giving me encouragement from the sidelines. Even though I love riding, I always have a certain amount of anxiety before I ride- the fear of the unknown, I guess? Having my son with me was a real comfort today. 

All in all, I'm one happy lady! I'm going to audit a dressage clinic over the weekend. My trainer said I'm not ready to ride in it at this point (and I TOTALLY agree), but I'm excited to watch and learn from the sidelines!

-BLTN-


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## BetterLateThanNever (Jul 7, 2020)

Due to some personal circumstances, my life has been incredibly busy and I have just now had a chance to sit down to reflect on everything that has been happening in my big bright spot--my horse world. I've been continuing with lessons 2x per week and I've now participated in a biomechanics and I participated in my FIRST virtual dressage show! 

I'll start with the biomechanics clinic. I don't know why, but I was nervous as heck. I couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't supposed to be there...that I'm not a "real" rider. I knew that this was baloney, but some of those feelings kept sneaking in. Ultimately, I put on my big girl pants and just went for it! And I'm very glad I did. I rode the horse that I've been riding at all my lessons recently while the clinicians watched me for a bit. I stayed at a walk/trot, which was fine as I've just recently gotten back to cantering. After I rode for a bit, they took me over to exercise area while my horse got worked on by the equine chiropractor. I was told that the most noticeable and impactful thing happening was that my left hip is dropping dramatically. So I learned how to first open up those muscles and I learned some exercises to strengthen my hip muscles. I also have a weak core (I definitely knew this!)--in particular the lower abs which are needed so much to engage in riding! The chiropractor also worked on my and noted that my shoulders are really tight, making it tough for me to sit tall. After they clinicians worked with me, I got back on the horse and they did some adjustments on the horse, including a posture corrector and bands that criss-crossed across my back and chest and down around my feet. It was tough! Almost 2 hours later, I was sore, but very excited with a plan of action for making corrections to my riding form!

And then this week, I performed my very first dressage tests, virtually. Honestly, I only practiced the tests once and in a smaller size indoor ring. On the day of the test, we went outside to a larger dressage ring. It was very windy and my horse was spooky and not paying attention to my cues. Needless to say, the tests did NOT go well. But, I'm chalking it up to an experience and they'll only get better from here (I hope). I did tests Intro. B & C. 

At today's lesson, I felt much more confident about helping my horse achieve true bend. He's typically a giraffe and likes try to look out, especially when going right. I also felt what connection is supposed to feel like today- a first for me. I am so happy to be in a place where the trainer and the horses are amazing. I've only been going a little under 2 months and I've already made such huge improvements! I'm so happy!


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

Wow, that biomechanics clinic sounds awesome. I'd love to attend something like that.


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