# Pains & Pleasures of Horse-y Hobby



## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

Winter snowbirds return home April 1st. Happy to find snow gone, but cold and rainy still, grass starting in pasture. Horse worries begin: Will founder if left out on barely-there new grass, is okay to wait and see or will be damaged forever if any sign of founder starts? Hooves are long; trimmer comes next week, he says may need shoes, can have trim and hope for the best? Grand-daughter announces she must have pony party with friends near first of May; huge anxiety rises up as animals not touched for months now, what if something happens, we lose the farm, impoverished retirement? 

Decide will be good idea to take a look at Horse Forum. It calms me — am so happy to see familiar names and “friends” who’ve helped with past issues. Have thought would like a journal, as notice so many ups and downs with this experience that started with first pair of mules on September 10, 2014; continued with sale of those mule in August 2015 (too big, too scary, thought never to do that again); came spring 2016, the unexplainable equine fever hits again and somehow a little dun molly mule for packing was found on CraigsList; then a nice Welsh-Qtr pony found for grand-daughter; started neighbor girl in 4H (g-dtr too young); spring 2017 comes, the fever's back, probably need another pony so two can ride, but husband says likes mule better for packing, CraigsList turns up an oddly shaped, but very gentle black pony-sized mule, billed as “ridden by 7-year-old;” the pains and pleasures seem sure to continue. 

Will welcome whatever thoughts and advice that any wish to share; have learned much by reading others’ experiences; tomorrow will search for information about dangers of green pastures and how best to manage.


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## knightrider (Jun 27, 2014)

Just to be on the safe side, I'd start with letting them out first day for 2 hours, then second day 4 hours, third day 6 hours, since the grass is so short. If the grass were tall and lush, I would only increase by 1 hour each day.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Farrier Visit*

Farrier came to trim hooves; has been 3 months since touched. Mules grow slower, so okay, but I got lecture on pony. Says sees wall pulling away from foot; will come and check, then trim some more in 3 weeks. 4H Girl and her dad were supposed to be catching and filing pony hooves once a month; if was done, were too timid to take enough off; need to figure out something different for next winter. 

Molly mule was bad for him with back feet. He ran her in circles, she finally accepted his authority. Funny girl, she’s my favorite for big-dog like personality and big brown eyes, but a nervous twit at times, opinionated about things and I’ve clearly been too easy on her, as bit fearful of mule who switches tail when unhappy and side-kicked first time I tried her back feet. 

Gradually she got better and I thought we had an understanding; back now towards square one. I’ll try his method next time and see if pushing her to do circles helps her prefer stopping to allow back feet to be handled. Realize absolute must to be able to do anything to her that’s needed if on trail, but what commitment and time that asks. Will just do the best I can.

Luckily, other two very easy (I breathe big sigh of relief) and he gone in one hour. Seems like a good deal he’s got figured out as happily accepts my $120 in cash and drives off in big truck.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Pony Party*

I think today is Sunday. Probably best if take a day off usual things. Can’t do it, the equine fever rages, got to at least have a little look at HF. Hey, someone there having same problems with lifting back feet that I was having. Gotta pitch in!

Hey, remember someone told me don’t let out on pasture more than 2 hours. Has been 3 hours since released from corral this morning. Dogs need a walk, will be good to get fresh air, I race out and bring them in. They such good animals, clearly full, as standing around in pasture, come right away when whistle and show them they now get tiny bit of lovely dry hay. I check their necks, uh-oh, could be getting so fat as to be called “cresty,” even with just a few hours a day on green grass. Such easy-keepers, lucky, I guess, but what a pain!

Back inside am drawn again to HF. Tell myself is partly a “family” activity, as must write down anxieties about pony party that g-dtr plans near first of May. We can’t lose the farm because some little princess gets hurt and someone sues. My mind runs away picturing impoverished retirement.

Family here for dinner a few nights ago; tried to suggest that a different kind of party be more fun. Told g-dtr probably boring for friends if 8 girls here and only 2 ponies; suggest we’ll get new dance discs and mats for Wii, can have party upstairs, better in case of rain. Suggested maybe girls play soccer instead on big flat lawn. 

“No way!” she says emphatically, “it’ll be okay with Blackie mule and Pony. We’ll take turns.” I think out loud that ponies might be a bit feisty since off for 5 months and 8 screaming, shrieking girls could cause an accident.

Her dad not helpful. These are good responsible girls (age 8-11), he says. I’ll be there to make sure things stay safe. Kids get sheltered from too much risk, he says. I think, but don’t say, “right, like what happened to Christopher Reeves.” Instead I wonder, why ever did grandma bring a pony home. Too late to change minds, what to do? 

Emailed friend in AZ about my worries, as she very knowledgeable about horses and risks. She tells me at therapy riding, there is usually an adult on each side and one leading. That sounds safer. I picture those girls saying, “Mom (or dad or grandpa or grandma), get away! I can do this myself.” We’ve taught them to be assertive and confident in abilities; how much to limit due to our greater wisdom?

Okay, take a deep breath. What about having parents sign Hold Harmless Agreements; I search on HF and get more confused to read that insurance company may refuse to pay if such a thing is signed. Did tell me to call insurance company. I call, they say since not charging we are not in business, so is covered by our homeowners’ policy. Feel relieved, tell husband to expect bill increase since they know now that we have ponies and kids at times on property. 

Then think that should have asked if they have a HH form I can use, as seems to me that having parents sign gives notice that we do not expect them to sue or use our insurance if something unexpected should happen. Kind of like when a kid goes on field trip; will call insurance company next week to tell them my idea and ask about their form.

Next, I called 4H Leader — had discussed last year a small amount of training for our little Blackie mule, as is clear her billing as “7-year-old child’s riding mule” meant only that she was safe for child to be on and would follow the mother’s mount reliably; have found no independent steering or stopping with her. 4H Leader agrees to come to our farm if I can get a round pen built. I’m relieved as then she can work some with both ponies. 

Feeling a little calmer; decide next project to figure out how to get something like round pen in my field (at minimal cost, since part of me says may not keep pony after this last big hurrah, could be too risky to expose g-dtr to this activity; have to think on that more).


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Round Pen*

Search HF, find round pen size and suggestion that temporary can be built quickly with single hot-wire. Reminds me we have white woven-web hot-wire stored somewhere, once used for someone’s milk-goat project. Drag it out of storage, make ring in field, ask husband to bring tractor to mow.

Notice that “fencing” looks very insubstantial, kind of hard to see. Plus, woven-web plastic is sagging between its 8’ sections, bring another couple rolls out of storage, it is very tangled; maybe next time will find cardboard cylinders to wrap it on. String a second row around my circle so that now plastic stakes are at 4’ intervals and white woven-web fencing can be hooked in middle. The ring looks better, believe ponies can be worked in it now.

Will contact 4H Leader and see when she can come to start working with ponies.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Pasture Mgmt, Pony Part ... Disappearing Post*

Horses out of corral at 10:30, got to get them back in at 1:30. Forgot yesterday and they out for 4 hours. So much office work; how do people manage to get horses back in when moving onto other things? Such a bother and worry. Suppose should start getting them in after only 2 hours or 1 hour. Built a paradise-paddock corral in one pasture last year, found it not working due to mules pushing lightweight fence underneath and breaking sides down leaning over top. Need to get electric hot-wire around it and try again. Will do when time allows. For now, let out in morning and set a timer, I guess.

Good news today: 4H Leader came to check out ponies and tell me how she runs a “pony party”. She liked the “round pen”, said it will work fine for leading girls on ponies with two at a time being workable. Sides of pen still look a little flimsy to me, but she said ponies can see them fine. Best news was that she is available on day planned for the party.

Also, good news in that a youth-size Aussie saddle found on CraigsList came by FedEx yesterday. Excited to find it used for reasonable price and nice that owner agreed to ship. 4H Leader said it fits pony well. Since pony more likely to spook than calm little Blackie mule, think it better for her to have a safer saddle, which people in past had told me would be Aussie-style.

Some viewers might have noticed that a post titled, “Please don’t Out Me,” suddenly disappeared. Probably they realized I’d gotten anxious about what said, became afraid could pull in those “weirdos” mentioned and might be harmful to have post up. Could have also been that I was nervous due to exposing more of self than intended. Decided too worrisome to leave post up and I was very grateful to have a SuperModerator understand my fears and pull it (even though moderator said didn’t think fears valid; figures our community doesn’t have “weirdo” types in it, I guess.) Will think if able to re-word in way that makes me feel more comfortable and maybe post again some day. For now, maybe mentioning it serves same purpose.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Canine Fever Strikes Again*

Spring is here and like equine fever hitting for a few years there, I’m also prone to canine fever. Drove 9 hours (round-trip) to pick up an 8-month guaranteed Livestock Guardian Dog. Will write about that later. For now, am finding it is huge responsibility to acclimate a giant new dog to the property, the animals, its new owners and spend time walking and training. 

Am also finding new anxieties and sleepless nights regarding “was this actually a good idea?” (when found garage as if tornado struck, floor covered with everything pulled off all shelves, boots everywhere, some chewed and huge piles of poop). Along with old anxieties of getting ready for the pony party (wish other viewers would tell me what they’ve found little girls like at these kinds of parties and if anyone knows where I can get the top-notch thing for bridles, like the emperors’ horses wore, as having no luck finding them), plus the usual of taking pony in and off the pasture every day. Am seeing pony gain weight much more quickly than mules, so she being pulled off sooner and so far no sign of founder in any.

Long exhausting days, writing entries for journal becoming harder to find time for, since read that must get at least 8 hours of sleep if hope to keep body and soul healthy (so far 6-7 about average). Only time will tell if the journal survives even six months or goes the way of so many other well-intended ventures.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Fabulous New Dog and Life's Priority*

After bit of a rocky start, as had forgotten this is a huge puppy and not thought to puppy-proof the garage, turns out we are loving the new dog more each day and really enjoy seeing her “livestock guardian” characteristics become evident. She’s a beautiful fluffy white Great Pyrenees — felt like having a big white lion on the leash during first week when getting her used to things before she had full freedom. 

She bonded quickly to the small dogs, who stay in a small outside run with access into garage, so now that we’ve found can trust her to come back about every 15 minutes to check on them, we let her out of her bigger separate run each morning at 6 a.m., watch as she circles the house several times, then heads out to check on the ponies and llamas, then over to goat pen and up to area where chickens are. Not aggressive towards any animals on farm; very interested in checking out all corners of all pastures, back and forth, working the grid.

Most important, to me, and real reason I desperately wanted a big dog again, is that the responsibility is a great motivator to take long walks twice a day. My priority this year is to add high-intensity interval aerobics three days a week to keep the heart strong. So much more enjoyable with this beautiful new dog as company!


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## ChasingDreams (Nov 14, 2017)

Pinterest pony parties for some (grand) ideas. I always end up modifying what I find to fit my less than superb crafting talents, so the end result might not be as glamorous as the inspiration photos, but it usually gives an idea to start with 

Your new pup is gorgeous by the way! Have you decided on a name yet?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

Thanks for the Pinterest idea to find pony parties. Sure had not thought about that, but maybe if ever happens again. The party came off successfully (10 girls), will do a write-up when I get time. Very relieved to be done with it!


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Mules' New Exercise Program*

Amazing and amusing to realize a great side benefit when decided would be easier to take pony across small open field and put her in with llamas for her 3 hours of green pasture (then return her each evening to corral in pasture with mules.) The mules run along fence in their pasture the entire time, often braying loudly. Excellent exercise for them (to get in shape for pack trips) and not so much worry that they are overeating!


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*TICKS, DOG TRAINING (Lack of Time), AEROBICS*

Fabulous run this morning with daughter (she hates it more than I do, but younger and stronger, so good encouragement for both), up hill and across new trail above property connecting other properties, gorgeous views across valley, such a pleasant experience with time to solve problems between gasping high-intensity spurts. Got back, moved pony to her green pasture paddock area, fun to see mules start running fence on their exercise program. 

Look down at big white dog — two ticks crawling in fur!!! Pick up little almost hairless dog, there’s a tick embedding itself. Uggghhh!!! I pull it off as my friend taught me. Check other little dog who sticks closer to me while walking, see none on her. That’s a relief. We start feeling itchy. What if ticks on us? Icccckkkky!!! Daughter says leaving now, got to get home, shower and be sure free of ticks. I take dogs home, pull hiking boots off, think will get in shower. Then responsibility gene kicks in. 

Okay, I relent, slip back into shoes. Go to big dog run, will check for ticks. Could be hiding in that fluffy white fur. She’s so lovely and gentle, seems to have been handled and rubbed all over before, as she lays on side and lets me look through fur. Disgusting, disgusting job. I find ticks and more ticks. Little ticks just crawling are easy; big fat ticks swollen to size of lima beans are so gross. Blood drips in her beautiful white fur. As I get ticks off I drop them into the white food dish. Some are lively and climb quickly up sides, I push them back. Then most disgusting part is putting each tick onto a concrete block, taking a stone and squishing it dead. 12 ticks to kill. (May put in can and burn them next time with BBQ lighter, be faster?) I feel bad for not having thought to check big dog before some of them got to such a huge fat bloody size. I feel happy to find out that she so tolerant of being checked and having me pull the nasty things off. 

After shower, feel better, tell husband; use turpentine he says, put drop on dog and tick will drop off. Does this mean another internet research project to find out best method for removing ticks? Seems I looked this up last year and found that best method was to “use a small forceps and gently pull tick off without allowing head to break off.” As friend had told me, use your fingers, although on some of them I had to go back and pull head out separately. 

Another huge animal responsibility each time after having a walk? Husband says stay on the roads, don’t go off on the trails. Not possible to follow that advice, as the trails are so much more enjoyable and is where I have planned to walk the mules and llamas when ready to start conditioning them. Too boring to make loops around and around on the gravel roads.

When will I get time to actually do any obedience work with this big dog, I wonder? I’m reading bits in evening of BE THE PACK LEADER by Cesar Milan, who I think of as the Dog Whisperer, although a second book on garage shelf by Paul Owens (already read) is actually called THE DOG WHISPERER, plus third book there is by Monks of New Skete, apparently famous for their dog training skills. Classes taken 30 years ago, more books read for previous dogs. 

So much advice, so hard to find time for even 5 minutes a day. I like what Cesar Milan says about dogs in Mexico just learn from hanging out with kids. Maybe this big dog will learn one or two things just from going on walks with me each day and hanging around while tending to llamas and mules; moving pony back and forth from pasture to corral. Big dog very independent though, does not want to be caught and put back in run; trying to figure out how much she can be out when I and little dogs in house, if she will stick around. 

Worrisome as have road about 600 yards away. Not going to put e-fence type collar on her, as want her to be able to get back into “yard” if she goes after coyotes. Maybe can use e-collar to train her where the lower boundary of “yard” is and encourage her to stay above towards animal pastures, which seems to be her natural inclination. Whenever will get time for that training? Will put it on the list of things to do.

So with all the responsibility of animals, getting cleaned up, writing journal (only 20 minutes use, so fun!) here it is noon and I’m just now having breakfast. “How do people even find time to eat?” had said to daughter just before she left. Will just expect to be one of those skinny wiry little old ladies out there with their horses (mules in this case). Guess those are what we sometimes see living the longest, so fits with my new quest started couple years ago with yoga, meditation, balance, core-strengthening and new aerobics program added this year towards being Healthy2aHundred.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Trail work, tick lessons, pony training*

This morning was a “trail work” dog walk. Mower cleared path across top of property last week, will use next month when start llama and mule conditioning walks. Bit less than a mile to walk on dirt roads to get to non-maintained path where mower chopped weeds and brush, figure if rake 50 yards on each non-aerobic walk day, may have brush cleared from it by end of month. So satisfying to see wide path appear and good upper body exercise. Then hiked higher to rocks and inspiration point to rest while dogs explored.

Had checked computer before leaving and found from friends some great information and reminders regarding ticks. First was to check storage box and find Advantix, had one tube left from last year for large dog. (Guess seems earlier than usual to think of this or time simply flies by faster when older.) Hard to get to pink skin through big dog’s thick fluffy white hair, but got the drops applied. Will order more, as remember now that needs to go on every few weeks. Another said to drop ticks in alcohol in case need to know type, so got a jar set up in garage. (Pretty sure all taken off yesterday were deer ticks, only found one on dog when back today.) One friend said she was ordering for me a “tick-removal spoon”, so in two days that should be on my doorstep! Most important information was from friend in New Hampshire who told me that half the moose population had died from tick paralysis; told me she’d had two llamas with tick paralysis, removed ticks and llamas back to normal in 12 hours.

That made me feel very sad, as our best pack llama seemed suddenly paralyzed two years ago, found collapsed, legs stiff holding her up against fence corner with neck thrust between fence poles, appeared may have broken neck somehow. Called vet, by time arrived, llama was dead. Vet has seen plenty, but not this, had no idea without expensive blood work (declined). Internet research showed tick paralysis as possibility, now friend tells me is real threat but if tick removed animals may be okay. Sure wish I’d known then. Llamas are fairly low maintenance animals, so except for being sure they have safe pasture and water, we hadn’t keep close track of them after the packing season. 

On way back from walk, took pony down to the Paradise Paddock pasture; realized it may work well once she and llamas have the grass eaten down to leave her there all day. Mules started running along fence line as she left; probably good for them to get used to her being gone longer and longer period each day. Will be sad for them when she leaves.

4H Leader (also, breeder and trainer extraordinaire) came to work with pony yesterday. Appears making quick progress re-learning real riding skills with pony; says pony has good basics, just been a grandma’s pony for too many years. Pretty sure that I want another family with more interested and capable child or small parent who will ride to keep her a good working animal. She’s so beautiful, husband loves to see her race across the field (at end of day when she gets released to head back across pasture towards gate where her mule family’s waiting), her beautiful tail flared high; but was my investment, my time and trouble, maybe get some of investment back and put towards grand-daughters future schooling. Let a more interested girl have a beautiful pony. My time-consuming projects are short-term to accustom small black mule to travois and long-term to train larger (13-2) stronger molly mule to be riding mule. 4H Leader has small black mule remembering her riding training much better in only two half-hour lessons, so for now, she’s really all the riding animals we need (plan was to have one to get me back to trailhead quickly in case of emergency on trip.)

Thought while sitting on rock above and enjoying view how lucky we are to have a farm, as read yesterday on FB Human Longevity Project page that Blue Zone people (those areas in world where people live to a hundred and more) seem to indicate that having a purpose is important to long healthy life. Even though many times worrisome and with many business aggravations needing to be taken care of on a daily basis, there is nothing like a farm with animals and crops and workers and housing and small-town retail to keep a purpose forefront in life. Especially since kids have decided on other careers. (Will try to remember to note in Gratitude Journal each night how thankful I am for the specific day’s aggravations.)

Again, almost noon by time finished, got breakfast. Happy to have Saturday with only a few urgent office tasks, can spend rest of day mowing lawns, planting flowers and maybe, but possibly still too early, tomatoes.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Spiritual walk, dogs, ponies, books*

Lovely sunshine, Sunday morning, so look forward to a “day of rest”, even though it includes many of the ordinary day’s things with farms and animals. Realized about mid-30s, after the rebellious years, that parents maybe had some things figured out. Things like responsibility, commitment, generosity to others, even honoring a higher power. 

All through children’s growing up years, they’d always honored a day of rest, a Sabbath, as instructed in the Bible. Realized once grown with businesses of own, that probably very hard for parents to do that, since they always had businesses of own and is never a day or moment, it feels, when your business doesn’t need something from you. Respected them finally for both their hard work and their commitment to doing best for family.

Probably reason they escaped with large family to the mountains for camping and hiking at sundown before Sabbath until sunset after day of rest. No distractions, no cell phones in those days. Clearly the reason I like to be out in nature and find my creativity and inspiration when out walking with animals. Always a big dog in our family, too. Finally saw, when grown, that copying some of their traditions might help my life become more prosperous, too. 

This morning’s walk, same route, feels spiritual in same ways each day, again the trail clearing, not “labor”, as instructed against, but more a gift, I feel, community-service, to the farm children who will help me walk llamas and mules for conditioning soon. Last year the sticker-y weeds were head high for the littlest kids; now that mowed they covered the path in places by a foot deep. Arduous but satisfying raking to get the path cleared. Then when finished, looks like 200’ cleared now, if judging by lengths left to greens often during my thrice-weekly golf games. Exciting to see such progress. Still about mile of trail left to go, will do what can on non-running and non-early golf days (leaves 3 days a week). 

Continued afterwards up hill to rocks, spotted a fat bushy coyote loping away, tried to direct big white dog towards it with no success. She tired from taking off after coyote seen on first part of walk. Me so happy to know that she is doing job of protecting her new pack. Especially happy when as we got higher, she picked up scent of coyote I’d seen and set off in direction he’d taken. Saw her way off in distance with little dog close behind. Whistled them back.

Today better than usual, as husband called to say was home for coffee, had been out much earlier than I. Suggested he hike up to join us for some aerobic benefit. (So hard to get him recognizing need to be healthier as ages) He started out, took a long time, as he distracted at seeing irrigation that needed starting or leaks in systems to fix next week. Finally all together, dogs and people, to enjoy the sun and views across valley over to snow-covered peaks.

Had thought on way up and while raking about spiritual (meaning-of-life) books read last year, my favorites being Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Lila by Robert Pirsig, The Nun Study (official name is Aging with Grace) by David Snowdon. Most recent was Ishmael by Daniel Quinn; more about how to save the planet but made me think of previous books, including Tribe by Sebastian Junger, about solving feelings of alienation experienced by returning military. 

Thought how other people have book clubs, but none seems to fit the books I want to read. Am lucky that my sister, on her own search for how to have a happier life after years of depression, will read some of my books or suggest those she finds helpful to me. Her mind much better trained analytically than mine and her comments always thought-provoking; although job for both of us these days is to learn to be able to confront and differ in opinions. Not a skill we learned growing up; very uncomfortable for us to practice now.

Made me think then of piece written for Horse Forum yesterday. How anxious I felt to press the submit button. So afraid that someone will criticize, think I’m stupid for saying whatever it was, about Horse Rescue. Why should it matter to me at this age if someone else thinks I’m stupid? Why do I care so much what other people think? That seemed point of person’s original question on Horse Forum: That they worried too much what other people thought. How to get past that fear in order to express self, yet not to be unkind or uncivilized (or maybe to be those things if situation calls for it and how to be wise enough to know)? 

I think of reading Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable by Brene Brown. She saying that we need courage to stand up for ourselves and for injustices seen. Makes me think of most recent book read by Mark Manson called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. A crazy attention-grabbing title to apparently say the same thing to 20 year-olds, at least I think he saying “don’t care so much about what other people might be thinking about you, have courage to be yourself.” Think he does include to be kind while being yourself.

A good way to end the post and go have breakfast as again past noon… but wait, that reminds me of one more favorite book, laying out good reasons for health when have at least one 16-hour period each day between any meals, the reason for my late breakfast habit, called Fast Diet by Dr. Michael Mosley. Until another day!


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Trail, ticks, pony party, envisioning new owner*

So great on Tuesday to anticipate dog walk on a non-aerobics day! Find myself hurrying to get up to trail. Enjoyable to begin clearing brush away. Think to ask husband to bring tractor mower again for another pass, especially need over part not seen as trail before but on which I’m making a nice loop. Most likely he’ll say many other jobs more important. 

While raking, think maybe can appeal to his Germanic-perfectionism; have our farm looking as good as those I saw when visiting Kentucky horse country years ago, remembering visit to the Horse Museum. Lucky enough to be sent to conferences in interesting places in those days of working for big companies. Even an astounding week at Disney World. So long ago now; life so different than imagined, probably better. 

Yesterday read on favorite weekly blog (Barking Up Wrong Tree, excellent compilation relating studies and books that tell how to have a more successful life), that happiness comes from telling self each day Amor Fati, which I take to mean “Love whatever the fates send”. Seems good advice, especially when again finding two bubble-gum sized ticks on big dog. How could I have missed them — have combed her fur with fingers each day!

More pleasant subjects, please. Thought while walking down, moving pony to paddock-style pasture (wonder how many days will it take at 4 hours a day of pony and llamas eating to get it down enough that she can stay there overnight and easier just release to adjoining pasture during day, as seems to be taking forever), such a beautiful sweet little horse she is. All the girls clamoring for a ride on her at the pony party, settling when someone else’s turn for ride on the steady little black mule.

Both ponies so calm while little feet hitting their butts in all strange manner of mounting by kids, most who’d never done this before. Due to my high anxiety level (can’t possibly have any chance for any of the ten little princess to get hurt), I’d taken stirrups off saddles, put a mounting block in ring, but girls so little all needed to step on our knees then swing leg up.

Was wonderful to have 4H Leader (as said before, also breeder and trainer extraordinaire) at party to lead the little horse (me judging her to be bit more spirited and lively than little mule, which I happy to lead). 4H Leader such a calming professional influence beforehand while showing girls how to approach ponies, brush manes. Then having given pony parties before, instructed me well, kept up a constant patter while leading little riders to help them feel at ease and as if they learning something important. Me letting my riders know they on the very good steady pack mule who carries food and tents into mountains; can carry little girls if they too tired to hike 8 miles.

I’d set up the white plastic woven-web fencing to make an oval-shaped ring about 70’ long and 45’ wide on big green lawn alongside good-looking tack shed with clerestory windows (due to German perfectionism mentioned above.) Decorated the top of riding ring with band of pink and purple streamers, tightly affixed to prevent any flapping. Fancied up side of tack shed with streamers, colorful Happy Birthday banner, hot-pink and rhinestone GirlsRock sign, plastic party cloth on tables, propane fire ring set up by son for S’Mores and Twister game laid out for those not riding. Just a half-hour of worry when clouds came in and high-winds threatened to rip decorations away. Fortunately, all decorations held and sun came out by time party started; such a relief, as no plan had been made for moving party indoors.

Very successful event, although after two hours of leading girls around, each getting a turn on little horse (the more adventurous even talked 4H Leader into trying a trotting race, but steady little mule not having much of that), ponies put away, sweets and presents done, saw next that girls all in ring, bigger ones being “ponies”, bucking smaller ones off (age ranged from 6-9.)

Seemed to be having just as much fun “playing” ponies as on real ponies. I feel bit letdown. See these girls have so many other things in their lives (manicures and pedicures and Jo-Jo Seewa hairbows; violin and voice lessons, gymnastics, dance, theater), not enough time or boredom in young lives anymore to hang out with ponies at gramma’s house. Decision to move pony on to a family with kids that will love her, spend time with her, seems right one.

Next job will be to get the fancy little horse ready for a new owner. Will keep 4H Leader coming each week to work with her, as she’s been a “grandma’s” pony for too many years. We see already improved attention to rider cues, see her getting less herd bound, see her being willing to re-learn known skills. We know she is great on trails, steady in mountains, as used her for packing before getting small black mule. Beautiful for show ring, if wanted. Need to take pictures, make videos, post on Craigslist and Dreamhorse. She was a big investment with added cost of showy leather-and-brass Aussie saddle for safety, professional training, need to get back to put towards grand-daughter’s other education and interests. Good while it lasted; now for the challenge of finding a better home.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

Forgot to add the Pony Party Picture, hope this does it! (Sorry, no girls shown for privacy reasons)


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*AEROBICS and HUMAN LONGEVITY PROJECT*

Aerobics day, doing High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT), M-W-F. With help of a Gymboss interval timer, have 4 minutes to “run” (pathetically tiny jog is all able to manage with stops to gasp), then 4 minutes to recover. How can it be so hard and why doesn’t it get easier? 

Read study in February saying that heart can return to elasticity and strength of 30-year-old if HIIT started soon enough. Testing was on 50 and 70 year olds. Said change was dramatic on younger group, unfortunately no change seen in hearts of older group. 

I thought, since close to middle of that age group and in good shape from regular uphill walking with dogs that my heart would benefit like the younger group and return to more youthful age. Maybe not; maybe started too late; maybe it will not get easier. 

The study was looking for a specific change in hearts (now I’m trying to figure out how to get an MRI so will have baseline, have appointment with GP next month). Study did not mention if there was benefit for older hearts even if they did not return to more supple and elastic stage. Guess have to trust that doing the hard thing, even if not making heart better, will perhaps slow rate at which it gets worse. At least it’s enjoyable to get out with dogs, maybe they’ll live longer since starting at young ages. I’d like that benefit especially for the huge dog. She and I can be an experiment together, one human (age 100), one canine (age 16, probably impossible).

Towards that end, I’ll have to start feeding her better along with myself, as finished this morning 1st of 9 videos being presented by a FB group called The Human Longevity Project. Thought would be a documentary-type trip taken to the Blue Zones (places around world where people routinely have healthy old ages in 90s and 100s). I wanted a quick summary of what the important things in those lives are, but seems patience will be needed to get through 9 videos. First session was difficult, since many health professionals covering importance of mitochondrial health, sure hard to understand all the technical terms. 

Finally they got to some interviews with very old people from Greece, Italy and Costa Rica. Since very old people, in mostly rural areas, lives are very different from modern life. No sitting at computers for these ancient ones, no staying up to midnight, have friends and family close by, don’t worry much; sounds like go to bed when it gets dark, mostly worked hard on farms and still do, mostly went out and picked each day the foods they would eat, lots of vegetables (no supermarkets one lady said). 

I’ve got the farm part, love that, the having a purpose part, the friends and family, but how to incorporate the vegetable part? That for me will be harder than doing the running. Have to make a plan.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Bucked Hay, Drove Tractor, Memorial Day*

On Memorial Day (Monday this week), woke 5:30 a.m., husband out to get tractor and pallets for hay, tells me walk up to field at 6:30, we’ll get 48 bales ready to take in (half of the crop in small field, grass hay, just enough to feed llamas and mules over winter). Used to have younger guys to do this, but no family and not much help left on the farm. I’m hesitant to drive tractor — bucked hay for horses when kid with no problem, but never yet driven the tractor, having then gone down the office route for work in life. He assures me will be no problem, but is clearly frustrated as I struggle to push into gear, creep very slowly forward, afraid will run over him or a sprinkler.

We manage, although pallet of hay slides off the back forks twice on slight hill; I try to be coordinated enough to raise front forks while watching back forks, kill the tractor. He’s old now, climbing up and down is hard, probably more patient than he used to be, which is lucky. I gain increased respect for what I’ve seen him and the guys doing all these years. Making it look so easy; going back and forth so fast and smoothly, loading trucks. Takes a skill and a patience that not many want to cultivate anymore.

Sons came back to farm for awhile, sure they could make it sustainable with new ideas. As crops pulled out, turned some fields to organic gardens, turned others to pastures for natural beef. The work was hard, the money scarce. Sons realized “sustainable” was not in manner they wanted to have kids raised; sons had good educations provided by the farm in its commercial heyday; they left, got real jobs that allow their kids to have ballet, gymnastics, trips to Disneyland. Just old people left on the farm now and one hired man. Costs to keep land going, irrigation lines mended, tend crops that are left, property taxes paid. Sons encourage dad to sell land so can retire; he thinks to do that. I think, “love land around us, not houses,” wonder how we can keep. 

We finish hay at 7:30 a.m.; husband gets ready to head out to cemetery in town far away with sons and grand-daughter. I’ve gone in past years, but not this one. I’m selfish; I’m drinking coffee and reading THE EXISTENTIALIST’S GUIDE TO SURVIVAL, How to Live Authentically in an Inauthentic Age by Gordon Marino. Grand-daughter runs in to tell me I’ve abandoned her as she’s only girl on the trip now. I tell her shoulders are wide, she can carry the family load. Remember while walking later that we never went to gravesites when I a child. My mother instead said that we should honor and visit people while they were living. 

Tell grand-daughter I’ve got to check in a renter, as is their only day off. Think wrong to give her the idea business comes before family, as I’ve always heard that order is to be God, Family, Business; sometimes seems to me better if business takes 2nd place so that then family can have things they want, especially used to think that when people claiming need time off for family emergencies were my employees. One still angry at me for apparently pleading with her to finish her shift; her father, very old and ill for a long time, had died, seemed to me not to need her immediately and the workplace did. Sign that I was burned out, needed to retire.

What I actually had intended to do on this Memorial Day, this holiday (never different than any other day for so long), was finish reading, finish journal writing, do yoga, then head up hill for High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) aerobics workout, as that is plan for all Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays for the rest of my life. 

Interval timer (the one beeping automatically every 4 minutes) had broken, so during two weeks without it, had been judging the lengths when trying to do so-called jogging (barely faster than a walk) by past targets reached before the timer broke. I had liked the interval timer, which went off with a beep-beep by itself every 4 minutes. Had realized that the beeps were a little bit like getting hit with a cattle prod and caused me to spurt forward, try harder; caused me to want to make it to my selected target before it went off again, which signaled I was allowed to do recovery walking for 4 minutes.

The weeks after it broke I knew had gotten lazier; had allowed myself to walk longer. Last week I got a kitchen timer, put it in the fanny pack and again saw the benefit of having an external force to make it easier to motivate self. This timer I have to take out and reset each time, but it makes a beep to get me started and then I find myself pushing a little harder to get to the targeted recovery spot before it makes its long time’s-up tone. 

Amazing for me to realize how helpful that little device is for motivation. Probably could be done on a phone, but wasn’t possible for me to figure it out on my phone and this timer I like even better as now can do the 4-minute intensity push (trying to jog) and then 3-minute recovery period (walking), which studies showed was best. As said before, told my daughter when able to get her to join me that the most important thing is simply to TRY. TRY. TRY AGAIN. Over and over. Never give up. 10-Minute Yoga and 8-Minute Exercise have lasted; this much harder, can it last? 

So enjoyable to be outside (had thought that earlier when out doing hay and now again when workout was over and walking across ridge to start heading back.) Chapter read in book mentioned earlier was called Authenticity. Which I much appreciated, as he saying how the philosophers often refer to being in nature to find our authentic selves. If this is authentic self, then how to find self that will like being in the office. That will be next challenge.

I check water for horses just recently put in field on ridge; really love seeing 8 beautiful horses there; belong to neighbor, we call them “rescues” as she takes in from people no longer able to feed and care for, so we offer the pasture, sitting empty up above since natural-beef operation became unsustainable. Some horses are good, ridden by her kids; not sure about others, but one, looks young and small, missing eye, probably not adoptable; we appreciate the burden she’s taken on, feeding and caring for them all year, so give pasture when irrigation water becomes available. May-October.

Get home, check dogs for ticks, a part now of every day. Think my fingers becoming more sensitive so it goes quickly and for first time I find none. Feel lucky she’s such an agreeable calm big dog, but with such a huge body and such a lot of fur. Seems to like the attention, although by nature she not real bonded to people, seems more bonded to her livestock.

Idle-y wonder if this is what I thought to be doing at this stage of life. Studying Blue Zones (where people routinely live over 100 in good health). Seems big part of their lives was just going about each day doing lots of ordinary things that caused physical movement; nothing real special, so guess checking for ticks as good an activity as any. Hope touching dog as good for releasing Oxytocin as hugs from people said to be. Blue Zones very big on having social contacts each day, of which most days I have little. Joining a church would help, but feel it would take time I don’t want to give; hard to fit in all parts of Blue Zone recommendations.

Such a long post, as writing is so enjoyable and I’ve missed so many days. Seemed to be less important than so many other things. Life gets in the way, both good (family dinners, friends visiting, out-of-town golf tournaments, getting pony ready to sell, being lucky to find really good home for her) and not-so-good (hours long calls to I.R.S. about payroll tax misallocations, the usual tedious, annoying office stuff, pulling carpet out of rentals). This was supposed to be a “horse-y hobby” journal, but it keeps wandering to other things and little horse now gone. Maybe next time can get to pack saddle-fitting and mule training tips suggested by visiting friend.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*I.R.S. Trouble, Good Walk, Re-Home Little Dog?*

I sleep well for a change, had closed blinds last night to keep early sun out of room, wake at 6 a.m. Hear tractor outside, look over to see husband gone, already out spraying.

I think of the melancholy and malaise of yesterday, so glad for that to be washed away by a good night’s sleep. Had started at 7 a.m. with a call to the I.R.S. Been dealing with a payroll tax deposit misallocation problem for 8 months now. Have learned that call at 7 a.m. will provide a wait time of only “5-7 minutes”, instead of 20 or 30 on hold listening to admonitions over and over again to use the website, to be sure the address is correct each time a form is filed, to accept their apologies for making me wait and wait and wait.

Had thought the problem working towards a solution after two April calls when on phone for hours with representatives to get them to see what is clear to me. We simply didn’t know that all farm employees were no longer to be treated as agricultural employees. Turns out that some should be classified as retail and deposit then reported with a different form number. The money for taxes is all there, they agree. While we were gone during winter the office manager filed all the forms to correct the situation from three years ago before the differentiation was brought to our attention by the appropriate government agency. However, during first call I made when back in April, it was discovered that a wrong box had been checked on the correction form filed. Okay, I agree with agent, will make the form right, send it off again.

Followup with second call in late April. After another hour on the phone, the agent moving things around, she and I both realize she needs a worksheet so can move things correctly to the other forms. She tells me there will be a hold put on the account and that it will be about 90 days before correction can get made once I send her the worksheet showing exactly where everything should be put.

I then found that the form does not have a box to check for this situation, so I check and revise the closest thing there and put explanation on back. I am well aware that changing ANY small item on the form will probably cause the computer problems, but then think that at least a human being will be called in to look at it and we can get this taken care of. It’s not such a difficult thing if someone can just look at the whole picture and do what is needed. I remember feeling hopeful.

Then in mid-May the notices started coming. Five arrived on one day. Three had checks enclosed saying these were paying back overpayments of fines and penalties and interest. Uh oh. I knew it not correct for us to be getting checks, as we had NOT paid any fines and penalties and interest. We had instead been trying to get them to move the money deposited over to where it needed to be and then just reverse all those fines and penalties and interest.

The next two envelopes had orders to pay Overdue Tax Payments Not Made. Ridiculous amounts made huge by penalties and interest shown accruing back over three years. The demand is to pay these within two weeks. I can’t believe it. I can’t take it. I pushed the pile of envelopes to the side of the desk with the file and left them until yesterday when it was do-or-die time. I picture my husband being hauled off to federal prison because we made a mistake.

The call was hopeless. I ask the agent please look at the file and see the worksheet I’d sent which explained the situation. She tells me she can’t discuss this matter with me as we haven’t filed Form 2498, making me a POA and able to talk to them about things.

Remind myself that I was very lucky on previous calls to get agents who clearly had accounting backgrounds and could follow my reasoning when stated clearly and succinctly. I am very good at stating clearly and succinctly as worked for the state’s textbook editing department when in college and then worked in legal offices since then. I am proud of myself for learning how to be very patient when explaining things to call center employees. I realize will not make any progress so tell her will call back when he is home for coffee break.

Today it makes sense, seems not to be such a big deal, but yesterday at 7:15 a.m. it was just overwhelming for me. I thought, “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t seem to be capable of doing this anymore.” I thought of my mother, who has been telling us for years (15?) that she is losing her brains, that she is getting dementia. She started on Aricept, she changed to Namenda, my sister and I go several times a year each to check to see if worsening. Should she still be handling the bank accounts; she tells us she shouldn’t be paying the bills, but I go and don’t see her as incapable as she apparently feels. I’m almost the age when she started telling us that. 

I sit in the closet and cry. Wonder if this is how it was when Mom knew she was starting to lose her mind. I reassure myself that it has been years and not noticeably worse. Tell myself that she was so smart and doing so much handling all the company books for so long, that just because she realizes now that she can’t do addition in her head anymore, it does not necessarily mean Alzheimer’s. 

I get my journal, write down that I wonder if these writings will reveal the unraveling of my mind. Wonder if people will tell me. (Yes, husband already asked me just today why I can’t remember to take bark collar off dog.)

I remember reading in Aging with Grace, the wonderful story of the long-term Nun Study, about 98-year-old nuns who agreed to donate their brains to science, as part of on-going study of what happens as people age. I think it is okay. These writings can be part of science. My contribution to future brain study.

It was only 7:30 by then. I decide to continue with the usual day, as it normally gets better after doing 10-minute Yoga. It was a Friday, so had to then do the aerobics workout spurt-running up the hills. Didn’t want to, but how can I be part of a long-term experiment to see if people can live healthier to a hundred if I don’t keep up my part. This aerobics bit is tough. The old lazy body doesn’t want to do it. The yoga has been possible now (daily except Sunday) for almost 3 years, the 8-minute balance and core-building exercise routine has been possible now for almost 2 years (Tues & Sat). Can I keep the aerobics part going for even one year (M-W-F)? Tell myself I can keep it going for at least one more day; I get the timer, I get the dogs. They so happy to see me. Their pleasure such a reward.

Was 8:30 by then, had to wait until 8:30, as have invited people to do the aerobic workout with me. So far now takers, again, looks like will be just me. The hour while waiting gave me time to read another piece of the EXISTENTIALIST’S SURVIVAL GUIDE. The chapter was called Morality. I didn’t like it. I couldn’t wrap my brain around it. It was too long. Too much of Nietzsche and Kierkegaard that I had to re-read to understand. I set it aside for another day and instead caught up the small daily piece in the 12-year ongoing journal.

As usual, once on the run, it was better. So good to be out where it is beautiful. The sun was shining. The horses on the hill were lovely. The big white dog so interesting as she teaches me about her breed instincts. I’m telling her “come, come through the gate while I have it open.” She’s clearly telling me, “I haven’t checked my horses yet. Just a moment,” as she slips under the fence and goes up and around the horse herd, then returns to me and we continue down the hill. I have to trust her more, I think. Leave her pen open so she can make her rounds of the farm. Have worried because the little guy pictured, the one who might be looking for a new home, is pure hound and when he’s out, there’s trouble. Before we know it, the mini-mart is calling to say your big white dog is here. She has collar with number on it; he doesn’t as it irritates his hairless scrawny neck and at 9 lbs., is so small I don’t think they even see him. 

A very odd doggy. Picked up when we traveling back home and outside of L.A. Two girls outside a Denny’s restaurant had the cutest, calmest tiny fuzzy puppy. Definitely some sort of chihuahua mix, maybe a chih-weinie, I thought, like my precious little doggy who had just died (age 16, kidney failure, heart murmur) at end of 2016. It seemed I needed another little indoor dog, but what a strange one this turned out to be. Yes, probably some chihuahua, but what are the other parts? Vizla one person says, Basenji, we figure out due to no bark ability (an excellent trait), instead a mewling sound like a cat, very infrequently, usually when he wants the other little doggy to play with him. A nice howling sound he makes when sirens go off. Smart little guy, he learned to “sing” when I make the high pitch of a siren. Also, nice that he is completely hairless on underside; might be a good dog for someone prone to allergies. Very independent little guy, though, high energy, always trying to get other dogs to wrestle and definitely a hound dog who follows his nose across road and away to mini-mart, where they apparently throw out old chicken wings and neighborhood dogs love their dumpster. Too worrisome to have him taking the big white dog on those trips.

He’s not a “pet” at all, seems just barely bonded to his family. Does like to be carried around and hangs agreeably off my arm when I need to catch and bring him home. Husband and I decide that he would be much better off at a home without a road so close by. We think of a young man, an independent, rebellious sort with a mohawk and tattoos, decide would be a good match for this little dog. Will check that possibility out.

So then here we are still. Working through the horribleness of yesterday. This morning decided to call it a Chamber-of-Horrors kind of day. Came home, was pleased with myself for doing the entire aerobics workout, for appreciating the beautiful view, for having the dog communicate with me what her breed instincts were telling her to do; for trying to be more understanding of the difficulty of getting her obedience trained, although she can do a quick sit now after weeks of working patiently on it, accept one small gain at a time.

Anyway, as soon as I step in the door, no breakfast yet and here it was already 10:30. My phone rings in pocket and there is new renter who’s to be moving in on June 1st, sobbing to me that she can’t possible move into that adorable little rental that I’d signed her up just a few days before, due to it being so filthy dirty. 

Oh. My. Goodness. That was about the cleanest rental I’d ever rented. All brand new inside just two years ago. What is she talking about? She tells me found a black hair in the refrigerator, tells me in the toilet are brown streaks and someone has obviously used it. I remember we had the workman in there to check a possible leak from roof, as ceiling had faint brown stripe on it. Luckily he and I climbed up and found it totally dry up there. I think ceiling was painted before we got place (we’ve only owned it a couple years) and someone with a sprayer missed a streak that never got noticed before until this super-perfectionist new renter pointed it out to me while I was showing it to her the first time.

I like a perfectionist renter, one reason I was so happy she would be renting, but now here she was on the phone telling me she can’t possibly move into such a filthy place. I’m already beaten down by talking to the I.R.S., by thinking that my mind is going as my mother’s has (Mom only 81 years old, this can’t be happening to me if I am going to make my goal of Healthy to a Hundred!) I just want this renter to be happy. I want her and husband to move in. I don’t want to start over, to have to show and rent the place again. Am so tired of that. My will to stand up for our standards just collapses. 

I tell her she’s right, workmen were there, probably used toilet. I tell her I was there with ceiling duster just last night, getting the cobwebs she’d pointed out off the ceiling. I’m sure that popcorn from ceiling fell down and is now on countertops and floors. Told her I thought since she moving in they would be tracking lots of stuff in and would have to clean floors anyway. 

It’s crazy. Sounds like she’s so distraught over finding some dustballs that she’s sobbing, like she will decide they can’t move into such a “filthy place.” I tell her, please, just clean it to your standards, I’ll pay you for the cleaning up to 3 hours. She calls me later, tells me is done. Asks can I leave the check at the door with the condition report I told her was dropping off. By this time I’m a little angry with myself, since realizing I’d already dropped the rent $100 so could get this “nice, quiet, older couple” (NOT against Fair Housing laws, as they first to apply) to take the place, since they could not possibly afford to pay my price, although I had dozens of other people calling and wanting to look at it. So I make the check out, put it with the Condition Report and take it by the apartment to leave at door. All the while beating myself up for being such a poor business person. For always trying to be so generous to other people and forgetting, as husband keeps reminding me, that we have bills coming due, too. 

Such a downer of a day; just didn’t want to go on. Luckily, I keep beside my bed a little book given to me by son, who knows I’ve been on the quest for happiness all my life (have decided just is not meant for all) and never met a self-help book I wouldn’t read, so just this Mother’s Day he ordered for me a little book said he’d found helpful. On the front is black silhouette of man with gun held to his head. Perfect for me, as I’m often thinking it would just be better if I weren’t here causing people trouble. Very tiny book, easy to read in two hours, called LOVE YOURSELF, AS IF YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT. I thank him each day when I see it and try to do what the book says, which is to tell myself many times each day that “I Love Myself.”

My brain then brings up to me the Sesame Street song (think I’m right in saying that) — I love myself for I am me, I love myself unconditionally — at which point my grown up, reasonable self kicks in. The one who’s had to deal with too many 20-year-old employees who clearly took that too much to heart and wouldn’t do things MY WAY at work, who I finally had to fire.

Finally, we got to the end of that day. My study of Blue Zones has told me that most of the hundred-year olds around the world have a glass of wine at 5 p.m. each day. I’m so thankful for that, as the more productive part of me had kicked in awhile back to tell me that I was going to forego the wine in evenings and therefore maybe be able to get a few hours of office work done.

The office work piles higher and higher around me. The personal taxes were extended, but accountant said must have the numbers from me by end of June, as he wanting to take off for his summer vacation during all of July and August. 

Rentals are nice to have when they are going well, but require a lot of input to get the numbers out to the accountant each year and with so many other things now filling up my life (yoga, walking dogs, aerobics, exercise, equines) it gets harder and harder for me to get the numbers in the computer on time. Quicken program keeps reminding me I can just have the bank send those numbers over to it, but that takes me learning to do a whole new thing and I don’t want to deal with new things now that older. 

I tell myself each time that I type so quickly (a good thing for a would-be writer), that I can put those numbers in from checkbooks and bank statements just as fast as having them come over from the bank and then having to review all of them to be sure categorized right. (As friends know I say, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.) Have tried at times to get kids to help me figure it out, but they have their own difficulties and lives to deal with; better for me just to keep doing it the old-fashioned way. 

As mentioned at top of this post, had gotten off to a wonderful start this morning. Instead of a down day, more of a manic day (having more of those now that saying the I Love Myself phrase), the kind I’ve learned to love and cherish, even though it drives those around me crazy at times when I’m talking too fast and having too many ideas. 

Was wondering when first moved to my small rural area if there was something here that was causing women to be crazy, as right away learned about women chasing husbands with knives, women not able to get up and go to jobs, women clearly schizophrenic and bi-polar to points which caused them not to be able to function. Now think it probably that we all just part of the normal population and sometimes for some reason it comes out in manners that are crazier than others. 

Better, possibly, as the EXISTENTIALIST’S GUIDE seems to be saying, we just learn to accept huge anxieties and crazy personality traits and have them be accepted as part of ourselves; maybe help each other learn non-violent ways and non-destructive ways to deal with things, but mostly perhaps try to understand and accept each other, as I was doing with the woman renter, when finally remembering that someone had mentioned she perhaps bi-polar. Can try to calm her anxieties in a different, non-financially costly way next time.

This morning was reading again the chapter in book called FAITH. Really appreciated it. Will save the thoughts on that for tomorrow’s post.

While walking down the hill, again remembering that this is supposed to be a horse-y journal. Saw the round pen that turned out to be a bust. Have the woven wire stretched out on ground now ready to roll up and put away. Husband told me made mowing the field too difficult to have there; too difficult for him to get inside and mow it, as the grasses were growing to knee level. My friend who came last weekend had told me how she trained her horses to ride with driving reins in a round pen first. We talked about how easy it would be for me to train the little mule to get used to reins that way. She sketched it out for me. 

I want to have it as part of my long-term plan, but realistically, I realize that it will never happen. The little mules are for packing. The molly mule bucked me off (true, we found the head of a nail protruding a half-inch under the fleece of saddle, so she had a good reason to do that.) But in all likelihood, that scared me so much I won’t do it again. I can’t break a bone if going for Healthy to a Hundred. My days of falling off horses are probably over. Can only tempt the fates so many times.

Decided better to keep husband happy and take down the not-so-good round pen. At least it was not any outlay of money, unlike the Paradise-style Paddock, built so the little horse could walk around instead of foundering. It never worked as planned either and it cost both a bunch of money for fencing and posts, plus hours of my time last year to put up.

Will figure out a different way if time ever allows me to work with the little molly mule to see if she can be made ridable. For now, will have the little black mule to ride out if needing to get back to car quicker when on a pack trip. The mules still miss what they thought of as “their mama” — the little horse who went away. They bray and run to fence when I pass by to let me know they want to come out and find her, so each day when walking by I give them scratches on the neck and tell them what good girls they are. Tell them they are lucky to have each other and will be working soon to get ready for packing, tell them work is guaranteed to take their minds off loss. Close my computer, eat breakfast and get to work myself.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Reminder to Self: Wait Overnight Before Posting*

Sunday now, reminding self that previous good rule was anything written sits overnight before posting; forgot that rule, so now having angst re last post and backpeddling. (Try strategy of distracting people with a cute dog video here. So nicely gentle big white dog is with little hound while wrestling. See videos in other posts, but not sure how added as Attachments don't allow extension of mov, maybe has to be on YouTube in order to add, looks like can't figure that out, so will have to research later.)

Read this morning in the Existentialist’s Survival Guide that Kierkegaard, under one of his many pseudonyms, wrote: …he took up his quill not to make life easier for his readers but to make it more difficult. Probably how my friends and family would be feeling about now.

Then the author followed up to say: The more developed you become . . . the more taxing life becomes. Wonder if we are all finding that to be true or even more true when dealing with I.R.S.

Finally, in the favorite daybook I read each morning, called AWAKENING, by Mark Nepo, he reassured me that our mistakes are what help us grow. However, will in future hope to be more careful before hitting Post button.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Big dog on night duty, aerobics, hound wanders*

Woke at 5 a.m. Was first night to leave the big white dog loose outside. Read lots on breed that they are meant to “work all night”, sleep in the daytime. Believe after observing her for 5 weeks or so that she will not leave the property, seems to travel a route that allows her to check on all animals and chickens; got up, put her in pen, will take out later when time for our “pack walk”.

Go back to bed, as Blue Zone people are said to sleep at least 8 hours each night. Find that hard, mostly need to get to bed earlier, but am trying to make new practices so can be healthier. Sleep until 6:20.

Daily piece from BOOK OF AWAKENING, seemed to say, “stop insisting that things always turn out right, the way you imagined they should be.” Went on to say accept the abundance that the universe offers in whatever form it comes. Made me laugh, as know that the abundance of words want to come, like a waterfall, can’t stop them. Allow myself to believe that perhaps is helpful to someone else to know that brain can torture self, no matter how good life is; to hope that someone else will find value in some of the books I share. 

Anxiety level spiked for short while, paranoia kicked in, when realized had put the “g” word in a previous post (that word which causing lots of concern whether to tighter regulate or not), will the FB algorithms pick it up and I be detained going through security at airport next time? Remind self again to only post on animals, walks, books.

Felt better eventually, caught up with daily journal writing, read existentialist book chapter, second time reading on Morality went better; did 10-Minute Yoga. Hard to do the meditation that is part of it, the totally clearing mind, as thoughts wanted to keep interrupting. Kept pushing away, telling self will write down later. Yoga a habit now so can do without thinking; skip it on Sunday, but otherwise making sure to fit it in seems to help the day get off to a better start.

Time came when must get out for aerobics, as had told self is new job. Be out running on M-W-F when 8 o’clock strikes; can’t quite do it, is 8:15. Sunscreen slathered on, tights pulled down over boots to keep stickers out, dogs gathered up, hit the timer button and get going.

So gorgeous the day, much better the very slow jog parts, as reached the target goal area with each today. Hope it means heart is getting stronger. Saw a beautiful oriole with vibrant orange-yellow during one recovery-walk period along the ridge. Hawk soaring above, reminded me of hawk seen while golfing with ladies last week, beautiful soaring above us, a good-sized snake dangling from its beak. Rattlesnake we wondered, as time they start coming out and often see at golf course. I laugh when think about killing one behind my cart couple years ago with 7-iron; imagine cart girl now wishes she’d accepted my offer for her to kill it, as would be good story for an LPGA player to pass around. Guess she can have as much fun telling about the old lady who so nonchalantly did that scary job. Passed purple lupine, bright yellow balsam root, white yarrow. Such a beautiful time of year before all turns brown.

Saw big white dog chase a coyote up towards ridge. Nice that she is visible when roaming. Noticed she (almost 10-months now) and coyote, probably it a pup, too, appeared to be playing some sort of chase game. They both canines, so not surprising, but wonder if this will dampen her instincts to keep them away from the livestock. Probably okay, as not much livestock she responsible for here. Llamas and mules are used themselves as livestock guards with goat and sheep, they try to chase her out of their pastures, she thinks they playing and crouches down; I worry as mules could kill her, but since seeing her mostly when with me, think they understand she part of our family. Big dog now only responsible for keeping the little dogs and our house safe, not much of a job for such a noble breed; even goats near farmworker housing are in securely fenced pen, although she checks on them and the chickens each morning.

As we return to house, I move mules to their paddock pasture in with llamas and check the water. Will need to put electrical wire around paddock circle before able to use it for intended purpose, since little black mule has shown when hungry she will push right through it. I know it would be good for both mules and llamas to not overeat, but may not get to that job until next year. This year may have to push them all into corral after a few hours of eating each day. Will have vet come soon to give shots and worming. She can tell me if looks like all getting too fat.

Suddenly notice the little hound slipped through fence, all dogs now following him towards road and then be gone to mini-mart. Remember reading that polar bears smell mates up to 200 miles away. Similar thing for the neutered little dog and his intense love of chicken wings? Takes an extra 30 minutes to chase them down and haul all home.

Had learned on previous days he can’t be out when I’m working in tomatoes or mowing lawns. Feel bad that he contained when others get to be out with me. They both female, seem more bonded to me, haven’t left the property like he does; totally different the breed instincts, his aggravating. Can he stay here with us or is too dangerous to all, as they follow when he slips away at a moment’s notice?


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Weighted blanket, golf, mules, dogs*

Days go so fast, year half gone already, kids out of school soon. Get self psyched for another run. Slept well to 6 a.m., although not in bed until 11 p.m., so only 7 hours. Have to keep working towards 8. Had gotten a weighted blanket couple weeks ago, as heard can help sleep, especially for anxious people. So heavy. Like that it molds to body, no cold spots, but feels sometimes is smashing me flat and sometimes way too hot.

Saw it pictured in Wall Street Journal article which showed various sleep styles of people and how hard it is to find a mattress that is right for both. Don’t remember problem sleeping when younger, but age changes so much. Hope body adjusting now to blanket and it will be what I need to sleep through the night. Stop the waking and lying anxious with thoughts for hours. Will try a few more weeks before deciding.

Got up at 6a, big white dog laying by run, put her in. She learned schedule quickly, I think. I let small dogs out of their run. Do this so they have access to fields and I hopefully get to clean runs less often and have better smell around back of our house. Small dogs don’t sleep inside, as in most families, due to neither being trustworthy with house training. Seems more difficult with small dogs as they consider their territory to be only rooms they use, others fine for potty use, especially hard when have two to get each one understanding separately the right practices. More likely, takes more separate training then I have patience and time to devote. When the little hound goes to new home will be easier to concentrate on the little doggie who stays. 

Went back in to get coffee, turned NPR on, heard that Anthony Bourdain is dead. Suicide. Yesterday had read that Kate Spade dead. Suicide. Both seem such tragedies; people offering so much to the world. I wonder what is the way that we can know and help people if becoming too despondent; a hard thing to figure out. Decide to continue with morning routine, next part is books. 

Was discouraged by golf yesterday, pick up favorite book to help with mental part of golf. EVERY SHOT MUST HAVE A PURPOSE by Pia Nilsson and someone else (they Anika Sorenstam’s coaches). It helped my game get better at one point, maybe five years ago, but then got pushed aside. I want my game better now before get too old, so think will read again. Learn today to have a Playing Focus. Will take more than one thing to make game better, such as also start practicing again. That can come later when time allows.

Husband tells me how he can help me learn yardages for clubs. I tell him need to get mules out and work with their feet before able to practice. Tell him we lucky that the little horse gone, as she needed farrier immediately and mules had been smoothing theirs down by running back and forth for hours along fence while she was in other pasture having her green-grass time, but tell him is time to get them out, handle the feet. 

Little dun molly still not trustworthy with back feet, needs lots of time spent insisting that she will do that as reliably as she stands to be loaded for packing. I think I have her good for me; can use file to take bit off her back feet, can wobble foot back and forth, pull it higher and lower. However, I no longer strong enough to file enough off, need farrier to clip hoof off. When he comes, she says not acceptable, acts like might kick. Embarrasses me to have an animal that appears not to have been handled enough to be calm with everyone. Another thing needing time.

Next do some journal writing to catch up with past day. Can’t remember how it got to be 11 p.m. before we got to bed, although I know it was 8p when we got home from golf. Very pleasant out last night, course clears out about dinnertime and we have it all to ourselves. 

Instead of going to golf, had thought would be better if stayed home and tried to get office work done, since had call earlier saying mother in I.C.U., so had spent all day talking with sisters and brothers, trying to figure out who would go stay with them when she discharged.

Then husband came in, says he worked hard all day in the heat, says he so looking forward to just nine holes. His passion is golf now that supposed to be enjoying life more when old. Decided, as usual, that office work will be there when I get back, better to spend time building relationships; that’s what I learned from the Blue Zone studies.

Continued the morning with 10-Minute Yoga. Notice that calves getting definition from the tiny amount of running. Feel pleased. Then out by 8:15, did the aerobics workout, so beautiful up and across the ridge. Back in, dogs put away, have missed checking for ticks a few days, find three engorged ones. Easy to remove with tick spoon. Love that device. Called TICKED OFF, if anyone else needs to order one. Dropped them in the jar with alcohol. My specimen jar, reminds me of biology class. Head in to have breakfast, take shower, do writing. An early start on office work this morning. Hope to report real progress made eventually.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Sunday Morning, Dogs, Marmots, Gardening*

Woke 5a, birds chirping loudly, looks to be a gorgeous day. Told self MUST SLEEP to 6a, so wait until then to get up, put big dog in, let small dogs out. System seems to be working well, as with some dogs in, others don’t go far.

Turn NPR on, hear what’s happening in the world. Finally have enough, turn it off at 6:45. Many days something interesting heard, such as about three-parent babies a few days ago, or use of ketamine seeming to help control severely disabling anxiety. Not so much today.

Tell husband friends are in Scotland-Ireland, saw it on Facebook; seems to be the place to go, as others just back, tell him had email from others who plan to go later this summer, niece and boyfriend went last year, I think. 

He reminds me of the fabulous bagpipe marching band we followed down the malec☌n (remind self to find how to enter spanish “o” with accent mark, as that didn’t turn out exactly right) while in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, last winter. Such a great memory, Bagpipes on the Boardwalk, formal dress with kilts looked hot on 80 degree day, the strange sounds haunting and beautiful. Lovely of them to put on that small parade; so appreciated. Had completely forgotten, will look to see if any pictures on his phone. Made new plan awhile back to print photos out and put in albums so when we old and not moving about much some day can go through and enjoy those memories. Pretty sure will be easier for people of our generation to flip through photos than try to swipe to see on iPads.

He, of course, thinks playing golf at the Old Courses is on his bucket list; I’ve told him 6 hours flying time is max distance I will go. Am lucky to have been so many places, so much yet here in our nation to see; too many animals here at home, too big a garden to care for, only time is few months in winter, prefer a warmer climate then.

At 7:30a, reading the EXISTENTIALIST’S book, seemed appropriate on a Sunday to open to chapter called FAITH. Find author wondering if instead of “losing his faith”, he had rather “pushed it away.” Very good chapter with lots to think about.

I’ve said to friends that I’d like the whole world to accept Christianity, as when practiced as Jesus taught it, it seems the most tolerant and accepting of religions, seems a good basis for me for everyone to understand and practice its precepts. Not at all that there aren’t other ways to be good people, not that horrible things haven’t been done in past in its name, but rather that it seems less horrible these days than what happens with other or without any religious underpinning.

Myself, lean more now towards agnosticism, but I appreciate having a Christian upbringing, as many of the parables and much of the music I learned is familiar to most of older generations. I can understand the lack of time for people to attend church with families, the lack of ability to feel anything should be taken on “faith”, but wish for those times when more people shared similar, kinder values.

Appreciate especially that the only U.S. Blue Zone (where people live healthy lives to 100+) is Loma Linda, CA. A very religiously-based, service-oriented large community. Not far, either literally or psychologically from my childhood home in CA. The book I’m reading now at breakfast table each day is The Blue Zones Solution, by Dan Buettner; telling about how communities can adopt the principles found in the world’s Blue Zones to live healthier lives. Seems almost impossible to change society back to simpler, more socially connected times, but good ideas.

Still early, one nice thing about waking with birds. Finally got daily journals caught up, saw in the bigger notebook a piece excerpted from WSJ about the changing meaning and overuse of some words in our language. Author wrote, “…one can easily enough see the attraction…to munch on that fat syllable sandwich “globalization”. Called that to husband’s attention and we both laughed when remembering its lovely, drawn-out sound by a farmer in the “possible reasons for demise-of- and solutions-for-sustaining agriculture” documentary called Broken Limbs.

AWAKENING daybook opened to an earlier page saying that “personalizing is mistaking what happens in the world as always having to do with you”, he goes on to say that if partner seems sullen or moody, not to take it on as if you caused it. Maybe good thoughts to keep anxiety a bit farther away; allow people to have their own reactions to things without feeling as if responsible.

At 8:45a, was out with dogs, walking up hill. Have managed to get husband to walk at least this one day a week; is a good start for his heart health. Dogs so happy to have their whole pack with them. Big white dog spots a marmot off in the field, about 20 feet from any wood piles to get under. It stands on its haunches, puffs up its fur, very brave to face big dog down. As we approach, small dogs (pictured) join in the fun. Marmot holds them off, bolts towards the wood pile, big dog grabs by the tail, marmot’s teeth flash, dog lets go, marmot escapes to live another day.

The marmots undermine retaining walls, cause big holes for tractor wheels to drop into, population can get too big. Husband wants to encourage dogs to kill the large rodents. I ask him please don’t. Better that she not be encouraged to kill any animals, as could too easily translate to farm cats and chickens. This the 2nd marmot I’ve seen her encounter closely; first also escaped; I wonder if best to put e-collar on her and teach her to stay completely away from animals that size; maybe e-collar good to teach her to stay within a 100 yard boundary of me, keep her from running after coyotes, since learned she may be in danger if following them. Have the collar, have watched many videos on how to properly train dogs. Probably need to commit to doing.

I don’t like to think of it. I like to relax on walks, not have to be too aware of dogs, but ownership brings responsibility for safety. Had thought earlier to get e-collar out to train her to stay within certain boundary areas around house, as have learned she’s traveling at night half-mile away to where neighbors have goats. Not causing any problem, just checking out what she considers “her” farm animals, as breed instinct tells her. Their farm on same side of road as ours, so that a huge relief. Okay. Is decided, will get batteries for collar and figure out a training plan.

We continue to climb towards top, reach end of one trail, husband says will head down, as wants to pick raspberries on way down. A few rows left from the days of organic gardens which now long gone. I tell him must continue with dogs up to what I call Inspiration Rock about 20 minutes more to meditate, will be down soon. 

Have been through much scrub brush on way back down, know must go thoroughly over dogs, am happy to find none. Reminded of Brad Paisley’s song, I’d Love to Check You for Ticks — starts going through my head. His songs make me laugh. (I love Pandora) Their sophomoric lyrics so clearly represent how guys feel. Think if young girls would just listen to those, maybe be reminded to keep selves out of dangerous situations. Often not worth risking damage to lives of both girls and boys. (subject for a whole ‘nother day)

Passed by what I call the cow-corral garden on way down, a row alongside the corral with sunflowers growing tall, exotic “chocolate”-colored hollyhocks, smaller zinnia put underneath, all coming along. Will be used for a niece’s wedding planned here this summer, so special emphasis to keep them watered and weeded. 

The mules had been in that pasture and putting heads through corral bars to clip off the plants, even though a wire fence there to keep plants safe. Only got a few of the closest ones and mules now in lower corral area with llamas. Farrier had said to take them off green grass; at least a month on dry hay, he thought, when seeing how fat and bloated their bellies are looking. Will remember to give them hay after breakfast. Must get electric wire soon around paddock so they can walk circles while on dry-lot time.

Think as going in how nice it would be to have family stop by, sit on porch drinking coffee, dunking cookies, watching kids play. Remember many such weekends when a child, cousins running and screaming on lawns (dad’s family was huge, each with lots of kids), times so different now. It won’t be happening.

I go in, have breakfast, think to work on vegetable garden today. Tomato leaves look yellow. Appreciate time spent gardening more now that read it an important component of all the Blue Zone peoples’ lives; authors telling us to put more gardening in our lives. Am fortunate to have right here at my house instead of traveling to a “community garden” as their book advocates.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Scary i.r.s notices, panic, think solved*

Horrible on Saturday to get three certified letters from I.R.S. telling us thousands of dollars due, these being Notices of Intent to Seize Property. First instinct is to panic, as last person talked with had told me there was a Hold placed on account, sounded like not to worry until they got it straightened out, clearly the computer had a different idea. 

Next thought is to send money, tell husband I can take from my IRA; want to do whatever possible to keep I.R.S. from attaching business accounts. Tell him we will eventually get the money back, but maybe we are actually liable for the penalties and some years of interest, as have to admit we did not file it correctly the first time. (From 3 years ago, they charge interest at rate of 5%, quarterly, penalties are at 10%, so it adds up to big frightening amounts.)

Both finally calmer, disappointed, but agree best if sleep on it. Was gone all day on Monday to larger city for doctor appointment (trying to figure out how to get a baseline MRI to see inside of body so can tell if yoga, exercise and Blue Zone eating changes are making difference to health in next years; not much luck as doctor says have to start with smaller things first, such as back x-ray, do mini-mental evaluation exam for brain, can’t even get MRI of heart in our area; says I’d need to belong to one of those studies I mention.) 

Therefore, at 7:16 a.m. on Tuesday call I.R.S. Wait on hold 14 minutes. Was so lucky to get a very intelligent and knowledgeable help agent, finally!

Luckily, it turned out that the last adjusted form sent April 25th had not yet been worked on, so was unassigned and this agent was able to “open the case.” She worked while I sat on phone to be available if needed to answer a question regarding the worksheet I’d sent which showed each month’s deposit over years of 2015 and 2016 and the allocation between the forms 943 and 941. It was a laborious process, as the agents working on it before had tried moving things around in ways that didn’t make a lot of sense and had resulted in three unwarranted small refund checks being printed by the computer and sent to us (instructed to write void and send those back immediately), followed by the 3 notices of huge amounts owed, which were now being threatened to collect. 

After 4 hours and 18 minutes, we ended the call. What satisfaction! I was told it will be at least two weeks before the letters start coming telling us it is corrected; was told that all quarters are now “taken out of collections.” Am praying that the computers will agree and that the appropriate letters of apology will be received in a few weeks (just kidding, no chance of that). 

It was so enjoyable to finally, on this 6th or 7th call to the I.R.S., get someone who could actually help and see clearly what I was describing had happened and had the experience to get the dollars allocated correctly within their system. 

While sitting there on hold, I wonder — could this type of work be a next career for me? Work one day a week from home. I think I would be good at seeing what had gone wrong in certain situations. Would love for people to feel as grateful as I do. Decide better if I instead take the lesson learned here that coming into office early one day a week, Tuesday seems good, leaving yoga and dog walks and mules until later, might be the best thing for catching up on my own office work. 

Seems a good fit for the concept of 4-HR WORK WEEK, as promoted in the so interestingly titled book by Tim Ferris. Once all caught up, then can decide if want to become an I.R.S. help agent. Sounds like a plan. Noon already, will have breakfast, get to yoga, today is day for 8-Minute Exercise, will let mules and llamas out to their green-grass time, then appreciate lovely afternoon walk up hill with dogs.


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Fathers' Day 2018*

Dad. Dog. Daughter.
Favorite moment. 2008.
Dog gone last year. Old age.
Dad. Daughter. Envision 2028.
Breakfast at Susie’s Cafe.
Love on Fathers’ Day.
#Healthy2aHundred


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*KALEIDOSCOPE to TAPESTRY*

“My Life has been a Tapestry of Rich and Royal Hue,” so starts my favorite Carole King song, “an ever-lasting vision of the ever-changing view.” Seems to go well with my favorite AWAKENING daybook reading, which asks, “How are you tending to the emerging story of your life?”

Woke at 3 a.m. a few mornings ago; the anxiety told me I was not tending well to that story. Made a decision that subsequently made life feel more like a kaleidoscope, as one little shift disrupted other people’s lives significantly.

Felt appropriate that next chapter in EXISTENTIALIST’S book was titled Morality. Difficult when raised with strong values of kindness and friendship to recognize that best business decisions sometimes require those be separated. Happened several times when I was an employer and a very like-able staff person was not following procedures; was required to terminate employment. 

Am happy to no longer be responsible for staff, but find that even in daily life situations, if others change plans in ways that don’t fit what is best for my future, it may be necessary to separate self. When I struggle, husband often reminds me that he learned in the military to “take care of himself first, then would be able to help others in need.”

Do not want the end of Carole King’s song to be the result of my life story, in which she sings, “my tapestry’s unraveling….”


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Dog anxiety, dry corral mules*

I wake at 4 a.m., relax, think to sleep to 5, pull the heavy blanket around and over. Get coffee at 5a. New schedule last four days, as husband gone to Alaska fishing, he returns this evening. I think how to continue this summer schedule, as it gives two more hours of awake time, seems to be energizing. 

Have been turning light on, reading books, writing in journals, getting up at 6:15 to do yoga, then out for walk (or run) up hill with dogs by 6:30a. To continue, will need to figure out a screen to pull across bed, as have hated in past when awake to think of waking sleeping husband. Not a nice thing to be woken if you are sleeping well; not a nice thing to lie tossing and turning if you are not. Maybe a dark umbrella to open between us would keep the light on my side, a simpler solution than figuring out a screen set-up.

Thoughts turn to new concern about Great White Dog’s suitability for this life I’ve put her into. A life away from goats, a life where her job is to be my companion for walking and protector of little dogs. She loves goats, goes to neighbors to see theirs, I’m tired of walking the quarter mile to bring her home; she’s crossing road now, all by herself, no blaming the little hound for leading her astray, she can’t be left out by self, she won’t be let in our house. She now stays in chain-link run all day. I wonder if she deserves a better home.

Talked on phone to relative yesterday, told her thinking maybe dog (Great Pyrenees) needs a different home. She reminded me that so often this happens; so often I’ve gotten a dog (we name a few, she has no idea how many others on that list), decided it was wrong for purpose wanted, re-homed or taken back to shelter (usually taken another to try, not much luck there, husband tells me “like going to the local jail to find a date.” Not quite the same, I tell him. I name one we loved for 12 years, but since then….) Woke wondering what is best to do.

Today when we reach top of hill and she sits beside me on rock, lays her head on my shoulder for first time, seems very content, I think that it is okay. The hour of walk in morning (with 3 days a weeks including some run) and walking twice during day for half hour each, to get me away from the office chair, is more attention than many dogs get. I decide she is a good fit for our farm, so mellow and regal, will be a good fit for hikes with llamas and mules. I think to look for a strong athletic house sitter to walk her in winter.

On way back to house, the Great White Dog heads into field with horses, circles around them, one youngster way off, she heads over and brings him back to herd, seems satisfied with job well done. Enjoyable to see her “work”, then have her return to me and small dogs when I whistle. Believe she’s learned quickly that she needs to come and get through gate when I open it, as her huge size prevents her from getting though the hogwire-style fence at lower side of field.

When back home, I feed mules and llamas dry hay in corral. Farrier said mules must have less green grass for awhile; they looking fat and bloated. Was always a problem to feed hay in corral when the Little Horse was here, as had to make many different eating stations. She allowed no one else at the main large covered hay rack. I’m so pleased today to see for first time that mules and llamas eating together. How kind the mules are to allow this. How peaceful, how much less worry and trouble it will be to feed them now.

Time for breakfast. Putting all meals between 10a and 6p now, as said to almost be like Fast Days for body when 16 hours between any input of food. Trying hard to put huge salad and more vegetables on each day. Finding difficult to do when here by self. Clarity on personal mission towards healthier lifestyle will be topic for another day. (See aggravating to have photo sideways, sorry!)


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Healthy2aHundred — Blog and HF member journal*

Friends said this daily writing would be better in blog format, so I have created a blog and will post there. Am creating on HF a new member journal (discontinuing this one) with that title and will continue posting there as well, if allowed, as want to encourage as many people as possible to join me in the 40-year journey to age 100+. 



Will see how this new adventure goes!


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

*Still Pains & Pleasures of Horse-y Hobby*

Love my journals! See in old-fashioned, handwritten 10-year journal this morning that it was this time last year when started this member journal. 

Realized that even though leaving it for another, I may not want it to become abandoned and closed — so sad to lose things, which happened with a cute video of little dog digging for gopher once put on a YouTube forerunner called "ning" (tried to find it when she died at age 16, had no luck), heard recently that MySpace is closing and many people losing memories — hope that HorseForum will be here for many years more, therefore, think to post at least once a year to this journal in case it's wanted again.

Pleasures today when mules come to fence and let me know they would like to be taken out and start working again. Snow has left, spring coming, will spend time with animals soon.

Pains when think to call farrier to do their hooves; when think of patience needed and time to get fussier dun molly to again accept back feet handled.

Pains when pass the Paradise-Paddock fencing installed to help keep pony from foundering, as it never worked as planned, animals pushed too hard on sides to get to grass on both inside and outside. Realized it would take hot wire to hold them. Pony left last summer, hoping mules will control own eating and get used to slowly arriving green grass so as not to have to be put in and out this year.

Another spring starts, another year continues with Horse-y Hobby.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I had a journal once. I wrote a bunch of wierd stuff in it. then I abondoned it. I had few folks interested. I am a better commentator, than journal provider.


Journals should be for the benefit of the writer, but is IS glad when someone joins that conversation. 



I've not read a lot of your journal, But I'm here, today to say 'Hello!"


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## LlamaPacker (Aug 29, 2016)

Thank you for saying hello! ....as you say, is always fun to have someone "join the conversation", although not expected since I'm often complaining more than most about the trouble animals cause.... however, was enjoyable to get to write a few lines and wish I had more time to do take part in HF.


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