# Am I ungrateful?



## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

Just had a pretty big fight with my mom. It ended with her hitting me and calling me an "ungrateful *****." 

I guess I am one, but it's because I'm constantly comparing myself to my friends. The way my parents see it is that they have done and are doing SOO much for me. But when I compare what I have/get from my parents compared to my friends it feels like nothing.

My parents have never watched me ride, not once. 
They make me BUS to my horse (only reason I board at the stable I am at is for the bus... because they will only drive me on weekends)
They pitch in $200/month towards board otherwise I have to pay for everything else. 
They won't teach me to drive because we can't "communicate" so I don't have my license, I'm 18 btw, and I can't take a drivers course @ school because I already have my beginners. 
They won't let me go to the university I want to go to because we don't have the money (and yet they are buying a $20,000 trailer & going on trips to mexico!!! what the heck?!) 
In general they don't support my passion. Infact if you want to get really deep into it, they haven't told me that they've loved me since I was like 8 or something. Although, I haven't said it either.. but that's because I feel like they don't love me back!

Now they think im UNGRATEFUL. And I guess I am... but am I reasonable? Do I have good reason to think otherwise?

I just compare myself to all of my friends who have there parents come to every single one of their lessons and drive them an hour out to their barn. And then my school friends that are going off to like Queens and Penn and I'm stuck here going to community college. I mean, I guessss I can understand why they don't want to spend that much money because I have horrible grades... but with my artistic ablility I can make it far at the animation school I want to go to in BC! They don't support my passion for art either!

Ugh I feel like such a stupid little girl writing this post. But I need to let it out and hear some reasonable opinions on this situation. I feel like I'm right, but deep down I know I must be wrong. I'm always wrong.

Anyone?


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## Citrus (Feb 26, 2010)

Let me preface this by saying this that I am an adult..... All feelings are okay, so if you are feeling upset that your parents don't support you, that is perfectly fine to feel that way.... feelings are information about ourselves and are not wrong- what is wrong, is when people use those feelings as justification to kill.... but anyway, your mother calling you that is absolutely wrong. A parent should never call their child names. I wonder if you can throw in an extra thank you over dinners so that you feel better, maybe ask them if there is something you can help them out with around the house..... I am so sorry you are doubting yourself- parents do not realize how damaging they are to their children when they say awful things like that.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

I do not think you really want an honest answer.

It is not fair to compare what you get versus what your friends get. It also does you no good other than getting upset. It is kind of like finding out what someone else doing the same job gets paid. It serves no good purpose other than make you angry.

Why not write yourself a list of the good things your parents do for you. $200/month towards a horse seems like a pretty sweet thing to me. (My parents did not give me any money towards a horse, I could not buy one until I was an adult and had my own job.)

Your parents earn the money, why is it wrong that they want to spend the money? Why is it wrong that after all this time of working hard and giving you riding lessons and horse stuff they want to take a vacation?

There are other ways to learn to drive. I know this for a fact because my parent's told me that we would talk about me driving their vehicles once I learned to drive. I did not get my license until I was just finishing up college. Look into driving schools. Maybe a friend will help you, etc.

I see no reason for your parents to pay for your college. Work hard, get some scholarships and take out loans. Lots of people have to do that.


I am sorry you and your mother had a fight. I am sure if she could take back what she said and her slapping you she would. I hope you feel the same way (but from your post it does not sound that way). We all say things we regret later on when we are fighting.

To answer the original question, yes you are ungrateful. You sound pretty spoiled even. You are not willing to work to get good grades but your parents should shell out the money for you to go to any school you want to because you want to go there. Why not put in the effort to show them that you will work hard for better grades?


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

Well, it's hard to say, because your parents point of view is probably a lot different than yours. But you're 18...you can do what you want...if you want to go to a certain school, then do it. There is a thing called loans, and you can apply for a scholarship, they have a scholarship for everything. You can get a scholarship for having blue eyes.

You really need to have an adult conversation with your parents and just tell them how you feel. Maybe you can come up with a compromise? To me it sounds like you and your parents just argue with each other. 

Good luck and feel better.

Oh, and just a little side note...being an animator is a very very tough field to get into. If you have artistic ability, you should also consider taking web design or graphic design along with animation.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> I do not think you really want an honest answer.
> 
> It is not fair to compare what you get versus what your friends get. It also does you no good other than getting upset. It is kind of like finding out what someone else doing the same job gets paid. It serves no good purpose other than make you angry.
> 
> ...


No, this is what I expected to hear. It's like a reality check. 

And I don't really ask much of my parents, I really don't. I just need help in pursuing the things I want to do, and I feel that is their job as a parent.
I know I'm ungrateful in general. 

You're definitely right. 

However I'd just like to mention that I work 5 days a week to pay for a horse I can hardly see. I'm either riding or working and doesn't give me much time for school. I do spend a lot of my time drawing instead of working in class and I guess that's why, but for art school you don't really need good grades you need a good portfolio. I don't think I would necessarily call myself spoiled... ungrateful, yes. 

Thanks for your input.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Katie4469 said:


> I'm either riding or working and doesn't give me much time for school.


It is called getting our priorities right.

Your main job right now is school. Your secondary job is the one that pays the bills of the horse you chose to have. Riding should come third.


It would be great if your parents could help guide you, but per you they are not supporting your theory that you can do nothing and just become an artist.
That means you have to put on the big girl panties and make your own decisions and get where you want to go on your own. 
If you do not make it, it is not their fault. 

In the end, making it there on your own will make you a better person. Something you can thank your parents for.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

ErikaLynn said:


> Well, it's hard to say, because your parents point of view is probably a lot different than yours. But you're 18...you can do what you want...if you want to go to a certain school, then do it. There is a thing called loans, and you can apply for a scholarship, they have a scholarship for everything. You can get a scholarship for having blue eyes.
> 
> You really need to have an adult conversation with your parents and just tell them how you feel. Maybe you can come up with a compromise? To me it sounds like you and your parents just argue with each other.
> 
> ...


Thanks.  Yeah, all we ever do is argue. And there is no way we could ever come up with a compromise, they won't listen to me. My mom sort of just automatically has it in her head that I am always wrong! She will disagree with everything I say. 

But anyways, thanks for your advice haha. I will definitely look into that. It would be my dream job as I draw ALL THE TIME haha but I have to be realistic as well.


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

Katie4469 said:


> ...but for art school you don't really need good grades you need a good portfolio...


I went to art school, and yes you need good grades. You won't have a good portfolio until you graduate art school.

No one wants someone that just floated by in school to be working for them.



Katie4469 said:


> Thanks.  Yeah, all we ever do is argue. And there is no way we could ever come up with a compromise, they won't listen to me. My mom sort of just automatically has it in her head that I am always wrong! She will disagree with everything I say.


With that attitude they really won't listen. If you just talk to them and dont get angry or frustrated (even if your mother does) Then eventually she should listen.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Katie4469 said:


> they won't listen to me.


I am guessing they would say the same thing about you. :wink:


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

Citrus said:


> Let me preface this by saying this that I am an adult..... All feelings are okay, so if you are feeling upset that your parents don't support you, that is perfectly fine to feel that way.... feelings are information about ourselves and are not wrong- what is wrong, is when people use those feelings as justification to kill.... but anyway, your mother calling you that is absolutely wrong. A parent should never call their child names. I wonder if you can throw in an extra thank you over dinners so that you feel better, maybe ask them if there is something you can help them out with around the house..... I am so sorry you are doubting yourself- parents do not realize how damaging they are to their children when they say awful things like that.


Thank you. Unforunately name calling is bad in my family. I've been called worse, but I've also said some pretty bad stuff. It's only until I turned 18 that my parents REALLY started... umm... threatening me. Because now pretty much everything I do wrong ends up in "leave, get out." Which is SO... SO scary to hear. 
I will definitely be sucking up to them in the future.


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## AllThePrettyHorses (Dec 15, 2010)

AB is right. Don't compare yourself to your friends. It only leaves frustration and heartache for you. When I was younger, I was always jealous that my friends' parents paid for their cell phones, their video games, cars (when they got old enough to drive), and pretty much everything else you would want. It lead to hard feelings with my own parents because I was so jealous, but then I realized that my parents are trying to teach me the value of money and work, and that even though I didn't have the same things my friends did, my parents give me a fantastic life. Sit down for a while and think about what your parents do for you. Even if you think it's not much, there must be at least one thing that you are grateful for.

So what your parents aren't interested in your horse or riding? I am lucky enough to have parents who support me, but many, many people aren't that fortunate. Consider yourself lucky that your parents will spend any money at all on your horse. After all, it's their money, your horse doesn't bring in any income, and they spend several hundred dollars a month on something that is only there to make you, their daughter, happy. 

Gas is really expensive. It's not always reasonable to expect them to drive you to the barn every day you want to go.

You're just complaining about how you can't get your liscense, and how you can't go to college, and how it's all your parents' fault-get up and DO something about it! I'm sure, like AB said, there are courses you could take, or a friend could help you out with your driving, and if your marks are poor, then really, why would your parents pay for your entire college tuition when there's a good chance you wouldn't do well anyways? Apply yourself to school, get some scholarships, get a job. There's lots of people whose parents don't pay for their schooling.

It's fine to have these feelings. I think most teenagers go through a period where they are at odds with their parents. But what isn't mature or grateful is to blame everyone else for your problems. You probably have a great life, you just need to realize it. You have to make your own happiness. If you're 18 now, you should be trying to take control of your life and being responsible for yourself.

EDIT: Sorry, I wrote all this before I saw the last, like, 6 posts.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

ErikaLynn said:


> I went to art school, and yes you need good grades. You won't have a good portfolio until you graduate art school.
> 
> No one wants someone that just floated by in school to be working for them.
> 
> ...


Well I'm really ahead of the game in art. I talked to van arts, in BC, and they already said they could let me skip the first courses with just showing some of my portfolio. 

And actually that is very much the case. I am a very ... calm happy go lucky chill person, and it is usually just me with a very QUIET calm attitude with her screaming at me. And then her kicking me out. I guess I could see how I don't listen to them either, but... It's just all messed up. It's much more complicated. But thanks anyways.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> AB is right. Don't compare yourself to your friends. It only leaves frustration and heartache for you. When I was younger, I was always jealous that my friends' parents paid for their cell phones, their video games, cars (when they got old enough to drive), and pretty much everything else you would want. It lead to hard feelings with my own parents because I was so jealous, but then I realized that my parents are trying to teach me the value of money and work, and that even though I didn't have the same things my friends did, my parents give me a fantastic life. Sit down for a while and think about what your parents do for you. Even if you think it's not much, there must be at least one thing that you are grateful for.
> 
> So what your parents aren't interested in your horse or riding? I am lucky enough to have parents who support me, but many, many people aren't that fortunate. Consider yourself lucky that your parents will spend any money at all on your horse. After all, it's their money, your horse doesn't bring in any income, and they spend several hundred dollars a month on something that is only there to make you, their daughter, happy.
> 
> ...


Hahaha, thanks though. I knew this is the sad truth, I just needed some reminders. I definitely don't blame them for all of my problems though. I myself a lot too. But you're very right, and when I get this kind of reality check it makes me wonder why I even have a horse. But then I get depressed. I need to stop thinking about it or I will just give up lol, but thank you.  I appreciate everyones input.


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

Katie4469 said:


> Well I'm really ahead of the game in art. I talked to van arts, in BC, and they already said they could let me skip the first courses with just showing some of my portfolio.


Oh...I never heard of a collage that will let you skip courses.

Anyway, Good luck with it, and I hope you're able to go and pursue your passion.

I would also really like to see some of your work.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

ErikaLynn said:


> Oh...I never heard of a collage that will let you skip courses.
> 
> Anyway, Good luck with it, and I hope you're able to go and pursue your passion.
> 
> I would also really like to see some of your work.


Sure I can send you some of it in a private message.  But I got to go to school now. Be back later.

Thanks.


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## Citrus (Feb 26, 2010)

I am sorry to hear that name calling is common in your family and that they threaten to kick you out. I do know that you must follow their rules while you live with them, which is hard, but not impossible. The name calling is something you will have to work hard to change if you have children.... I do think it is fair for a child to expect their parents tobe supportive and to grieve less than wonderful parents.... just don't let it hang you up- figure out how to let it make you into a better human being. 

As for the driving thing, a driving school is a good suggestion. Take care of it so it is one less way your parents can control you. Right now they have you trapped and are telling you you cannot go to school or drive and that they are not supporting you. Make is so they cannot tell you that you cannot drive etc. They sound completely repressive and like they are cutting you off at the legs instead of giving you all the tools you need to succeed. I do not think you sound spoiled at all- you sound frustrated and without solid support, who could blame you. Become your own support system and get away from them on your own terms, not theirs.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Just thought I'd add my two cents.

Katie, I'm not sure I'd call you spoiled, or even ungrateful- but I would agree with the fact that you're not really looking at the big picture, or giving your parents much of a chance.

Parents- well, adults for that matter- have already 'been there and done that.' A lot of times they loose their sensativity towards their kids, because in their minds a child is old enough to basically care for his or herself by age 16 or 17. Anything after that should be more of them helping you than completely caring for your every need. And I don't dissagree. They've cared for you up until this point, and most likely put in thousands of dollars into your education, clothing, food, and care. It's not really right to expect them to continue dishing out more and more time and money as you get nearer to the age where you need to branch out and become self sufficient.

From what I've read, you sound to me as if you are very lucky. No, your parents haven't been very mindful of your emotions- and I know that's hard, but you aren't lacking anything important. The fact that they give you $200 every month to help with YOUR horse is fantastic, but it's not a requirement. You asking them to do more is kind of like them asking you to help pay for their new trailer, even though YOU will not benifit from it. Simply because it's theirs and you are part of the family. Do you sort of understand what I'm saying? 

As for the college, I'm not sure what to tell you. They got you through highschool, and thats all that really should be expected of them. Many parents DO pay for their kid's colleges, but you shouldn't consider yours to be selfish or mean because they won't pay for yourse- ESPECIALLY if you never really tried in highschool. 

I'm only 15, but I already pay for almost everything that I'm involved in. My parents pay for my basic needs- food, some of my clothes, schooling...but
I pay for events, camps, clothes besides the necessities, and any extracurricular things like band, horses, and track. I do that by working my butt off every day- babysitting, mowing lawns, painting houses…doing anything I can to earn money. I spend my whole summer working as a nanny to save money. But still, there is no doubt in my mind that my parents love me. They are in no way interested in my love of horses, and they don’t drive me to the barn- either. I either ride my bike (and I’m talking about ten miles away) or catch a ride with a friend every single week. And I’m not going out to the barn to just ride around on the ponies then go home- I clean cages, muck stalls, fix fences, oil tack, haul haybales, feed horses, and instruct beginner lessons. THEN I ride. Why? Because- like you- my parents do not pay for my riding. I _earn_ it. I work anywhere from 6-8 hours every week before I’m allowed to ride a horse for even an hour. But I love it. Why do I love it? Because I’m proud that I can take care of myself, and make my own life. Whether my parents are willing to help me or not. In addition, they- also like your parents- will not help pay for my college, even though at the moment I am worked extremely hard and have a 3.8 GPA. They simply do not want to put in the huge amount of money that it will take, AFTER their allotted time in caring for me. And I understand. Would it be nice for them to pay for my college and for riding? Yes. But that doesn’t mean I need to sit and pout about it, say I can never do anything, and turn out to be some beggar on the street.

I tell you all of this because I want to you understand that no matter what your age is, what your ability is, or what your situation is- you have to help yourself if you want to be anything. Its fantastic that you’re working 5 days a week to care for your horse, but you might need to think about the future. You’ll have to move out soon, I’m sure- and you’ll need money for that. You might need to think about selling, or leasing your horse out and using the money you earn for college. You need an education to get anywhere.

Anyways, I’m rambling. Just try to look at the bright side. Your parents do a lot for you, its just easy to take for granted things that you’ve always had. Remember the little stuff. Give them a chance. Listen to them. Then, possibly, they might start listening to you, and respecting you as the adult you’re becoming.

Goodluck!


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Endiku said:


> Just thought I'd add my two cents.
> 
> Katie, I'm not sure I'd call you spoiled, or even ungrateful- but I would agree with the fact that you're not really looking at the big picture, or giving your parents much of a chance.
> 
> ...


Quoted it just to make it larger so it could be read.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

Katie, I can totally sympathize with your situation. It doesn't sound like I had it quite as bad but I did have a mother that called me names and hit me. Unfortunately, parents like that don't usually get much better. I'm 26 now and have been out of my moms control for a while but there have still been instances where she would call me a name. She is extremely hard to communicate with even now. Every time we have a disagreement I'm either brainwashed by my husband or brainwashed by my dad. I've learned to stay out her way and walk on eggshells, which sucks but it keeps the peace. I'm watching my sister go through it all now, as she just turned 18 herself.

On the other hand, I would have considered myself very lucky to have a horse when I was a teen. And if I did, I absolutely would have had to pay for at least half of it myself, and as soon as I turned 18 it would have been all of it. I agree that there is plenty you can do yourself to accomplish the things you want. Like someone else said, your parents have complete control over you. As soon as you find your way out of that, on your own, I'm sure your relationship with them will get a lot better. 

Other than that, I'm very sorry your parents don't tell you they love you. That is not right at all, as obviously you are very aware of it. It feels odd to say it to someone who never says it to you, I get that. As a parent it should be their priority to make sure you know they love you.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Katie, the fact is you can't choose the parents. :wink: So you have to adjust to what you have even though it is frustrating at times. BTW, why can't you learn driving? What does "beginnings" mean?


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## Spastic_Dove (Oct 4, 2007)

As far as school goes, have you looked at scholarships? What about FAFSA?


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## Tamibunny (Jan 14, 2011)

That situation sucks, I didnt read everyones posts so I dont know if what im about to type has already been brought up.
But what about getting a job at a barn? best of both worlds. Get paid to clean stalls, groom... bla blabla. and still be around horses.
I had a similar situation, when my dad got re-married (i was 18)his new wife convinced him to stop supporting my dream. Mainly by not funding it. My whole family alwasy said of its just a hobby, just a phase get a real job. It hurts, but I got it in my head that "i'll prove them wrong." I went to school for the British Horse Society. I lived there, got paid to work , rode for school. it was great. Afterwards I found a job managing a barn in a differnent state away from everything I knew. Anyways I think the best thing my family said to me years later was, sorry, we didnt realize how passionate you are about horses.

All you can do is talk to your parents, tell them how you feel. Dont place blame on anyone, not them not yourself. It may take a long time for it to sink in. Maybe they just dont understand how much you would love for them to come out to the barn, watch my lesson.. bla bla bla. A neat thing that worked for me s few times was I asked my dad if he wouldnt mind coming out and video taping my lesson for me. When he ask why no one at the barn can do it. i told him well you're the only one I trust to do a good job. Kind of a con but it worked it helped open his eyes. 
and my ramble is done.....for now


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## MajesticSpirit (Jul 17, 2010)

I think it's very important for parents to support their children emotionally. Your parents should believe in your abilities, praise you for what you do right and not just critisize you for what you do wrong. 
I think it's great that your parents make you work for your horse because having one is really a luxury. If you really want to go to a different school I'd suggest selling your horse and putting the money you get from working towards your education. With student loans you could do it on your own, but I'm sure your parents would help when they see you working so hard for it.

edit: hitting you is just wrong btw!
second edit: (sorry keep thinking of more) IF you have a passion for art might I suggest going into a Graphic Design program? I did and it was the best think I ever did, it's really a wonderful field that you can make lots of money in and still use your creativity!  
Best of luck to you!


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice. Also I don't post often so I'm not quite sure how I reply to everyone in one post so I'm just going to post here. 

I'm definitely sure that a big issue is me not having a license. It would be SO much easier if I could drive (even though I have a huge driving fear ). 

Actually someone mentioned that I should get a job at a barn, and I did actually, like 2 houses away from the barn where I board my horse. It would have been perfect hours, and then right after work I could have rode my horse. BUT, heres the stupid part, I couldn't get the job because my parents WOULDNT DRIVE ME and the bus doesnt run on weekends. It's 10 minutes away from my house which is NOTHING... but the thing that really bothered me was that they drive me to see my horse on the weekend ANYWAYS! I could practically get the job and pretend I'm going to ride my horse, except go work there all day...
And what is the reason that my parents will drive me to the barn but not to work? Because as soon as I mentioned to my mom about working at a barn she was like "nope get your license." without even letting me explain that it's right beside my horse... even though eventually I did and she didn't care. 

But yes I have asked all of my friends/parents friends to teach me to drive and so far no one is up for it. Trust me I've tried. Driving schools are $60/hour or $500/month, which I cannot afford. But I guess I don't have much of a choice at this point but paying for a few classes here and then.

Also, yes the agreement when I was 16 was that they are going to stop paying my phone bills/food bills/horse board until I turned 18. I turned 18 two months ago and they are still paying because of an unfortunate hour shortage at my work... so until I can find another job they will pay. So yes I am slowly becoming more independent and less "spoiled."

I know in the end my parents are just helping me be more independent. It's going to help in the long run and I know that, and can appreciate that. It's just sometimes I wish I had it as easy as all of my friends do... because they are competing in huge horse shows this summer and everything, and I can't even afford to take lessons. 

Unfortunately, I may end up having to sell my horse. ): Which is SO heartbreaking for me, but I might not have much of a choice. I'm probably taking a year off first though, so I can work full time, ride my horse, enjoy life... and then get down to business. I'm not quite sure what I want to do just yet, or where I want to go (if I can afford it) so the year off will be helpful. 

As for the hitting and name calling, it's just how I was raised unfortunately... and how my parents were raised too. I'm a disappointment to them in many ways and I totally understand where they are coming from. Sometimes we say things we don't mean, but in the end I'm sure that my parents know I love them, and I'm sure they love me too.

Anyways thank you everyone for your input, much appreciated.  Definitely helped me prioritize myself, and realize how much I really do have. Now it's time for me to go get my license!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

whoops :3 thank you, AlwaysBehind, for correcting that. I wrote the reply on MS word because my internet tends to hiccup right when I'm posting- and the font size was fine. When I put it on here though, it must of downsized. bahh.

and Katie- good luck! It sounds like you've got your head a bit straighter now :wink:. Its always good to have a reality check every now in then. Its SO easy to blow things out of porportion and get frustrated! I really do hope that everything works out well for you, and I wish you luck in your career and in getting a license! ^^


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## cfralic (Jan 17, 2011)

You can get ANY adult to practice your driving with. I'm learning standard on my best friend's mom's car. Get a hold of family, friends, whoever. There's a way it just might be embarassing to ask.

Honestly I think your mom is saying inappropriate things because she's frustrated by your lack of interest. Sorry, but art isn't appliable to the real world. Doodling in class is not appliable to the real world. You might be AMAZING but I can confidently say that I'm AMAZING at art too, and I know that as grown ups you need priorities. You have a horse? Bad grades? Look at what you need to keep that horse. When you move out to become an aspiring 'animator' and go to the 4+ years of schooling which you want your parents to pay for along with your $200 a month towards pony, you will likely roll out of there with no job and STRUGGLE UPHILL to find one. 

I am not trying to stomp on your dreams but in reality you should be looking at something sustainable, take up a trade or just something to fall back on and your parents can help with THAT schooling, I took up ECE which isn't a big moneymaker but it gives me an excuse to go to art school and follow my dreams without looking like I'm running blind. As soon as I graduate I plan to save up some cash from my above minimum wage job and use it to tae MYSELF through art school. 

I'm not trying to preach or be a jerk but I feel like I'm listening to a mirror image of myself 4 years ago, and really, I was spoiled and I can completely understand why my mom and I butted heads. You gotta learn to keep your head above the water before you can swim across it.


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## Spirit11 (Apr 18, 2011)

You are very lucky to have parents who pay $200 every month for a horse. My parents wouldn't pay for lessons because they considered it pointless. We fought and butted heads all through school, and in the end I moved out and never graduated. Its only now that I'm able to have the life with horses that I've always wanted, all the while working two jobs and putting all my money into my gas tank to drive out to the ranch in my spare time. My social life is nonexistant nowadays, simply because I don't have the money to go out and do things. I now have to go back and redo everything I messed up simply because I couldn't agree with my parents. We get along just fine now btw.

Have you considered getting a moped/scooter? You dont need a license for the small ones. Babysit, cut grass, ect. for a bit and you could afford a used one just fine. They are cheap on gas and you could get out to the stables that way. Have you ever thought of leasing out your horse while you're in school? Many people around here do that to pay for their horses while they cant afford it. I say go for whatever job you want, just be aware that you will have to work a crappy low paying job that you most likely wont like after you get out of school to pay off loans and pay the bills while you search for your dream job.


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## sandy2u1 (May 7, 2008)

If I were your mother, not only would I not pay for some expensive college with those lousy grades, but I'd quit giving you the $200 per month for your horse. You don't deserve it. You can't be bothered to work on your grades, but still you think you deserve more. You are getting to much, IMO.

Having a dream is great and you should certainly pursue it. Having a plan B in case things don't work out is the smart and adult thing to do. The fact that you think your grades do not matter because the art school you want to go to doesn't require them tells me that you have no plan B. What really gets me is that your mother has already said no on the art school, you don't have the money to do it yourself and still you feel no need for a backup plan. 

You have a lot of growing up to do.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

sandy2u1 said:


> If I were your mother, not only would I not pay for some expensive college with those lousy grades, but I'd quit giving you the $200 per month for your horse. You don't deserve it. You can't be bothered to work on your grades, but still you think you deserve more. You are getting to much, IMO.
> 
> Having a dream is great and you should certainly pursue it. Having a plan B in case things don't work out is the smart and adult thing to do. The fact that you think your grades do not matter because the art school you want to go to doesn't require them tells me that you have no plan B. What really gets me is that your mother has already said no on the art school, you don't have the money to do it yourself and still you feel no need for a backup plan.
> 
> You have a lot of growing up to do.


K first off, I never claimed to be a mature adult. I know I have growing up to do. I came on here upset TRYING to get a reality check, which I got, and I'm done now. I said my thank yous and I'm not really looking for advice anymore. I DO have good grade 12 grades as I pulled it together in my last year, I definitely DO have a plan B, I even have a plan C. I am aware that grades matter, It's extremely hard for me to focus, I have had bad grades since elementary I was always behind in school, and it's pretty much impossible for me to not doodle with a pen nearby. I am very much a hands on person, and yes, I love to draw and daydream. My mother has not said NO to the art school, she just doesn't want me to go to the art school I wanted to go to. I'm allowed to go to the community college where I live and take graphic design, which is what I will be doing. 
That being said, you do not know me, or my life... and I don't think it is fair for you to judge me and say I do not deserve what I get.


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## sandy2u1 (May 7, 2008)

When you post on a public forum and ask what people think, well people tell you what they think. Sorry if you did not like my post, but you asked and I gave you my opinion. You are correct, I do not know you. I only know what you post about yourself and it was with that information that I formed my opinion. You have not posted a single thing to make me think that I was wrong.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

sandy2u1 said:


> When you post on a public forum and ask what people think, well people tell you what they think. Sorry if you did not like my post, but you asked and I gave you my opinion. You are correct, I do not know you. I only know what you post about yourself and it was with that information that I formed my opinion. You have not posted a single thing to make me think that I was wrong.


You're right, that was my mistake. Won't happen again.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

just adding, I'd love to see some of your artwork, Katie  I'm a big 'doodler' (is that a word? :O) myself, and often come up with elaborate sketches when I'm supposed to be taking school notes. :lol: Took me forever to learn to write a proper note page that wasn't atleat half sketches xD


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

~~~~~~


Katie4469 said:


> Thanks everyone for the wonderful advice. Also I don't post often so I'm not quite sure how I reply to everyone in one post so I'm just going to post here.
> 
> I'm definitely sure that a big issue is me not having a license. It would be SO much easier if I could drive (even though I have a huge driving fear ).
> 
> ...


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## horselvr (Apr 5, 2011)

To the OP, I was not given anything ever. I had to work for everything I have, and as an adult I am greatful that I did. I was not given a car, I had to buy my first car, I was not allowed to drive my parents car I had to take a test in a friends car, I was not on their car insurance I had to find and pay for my own along with gas. My parents did not pay for college and I did have the grades, but not the inititive, or the want to go so I didnt. I am doing fine. It took me 13+ years to get to where I am today with my job. I am the VP of operations for a company. 

I was 17 when I moved out and got my own place. I moved out and was not allowed to come back. I literally ate Ramen Noodles probably for the first year out on my own except for the rare occasion my mom would have me over for dinner. I lived in a less than desirable apartment building and worked 3 jobs to pay my bills and have my horse. 

Sure my friends parents bought them cars, sent them away to fancy schools, gave them what ever they wanted, but those are the same people who are still living with their parents or working some retail job with their fancy degree. IMO the reason is becuase they never HAD to work hard to get what they wanted and they were handed everything. 

Although at the time I was upset with my parents and thought it was unfair, my Dad and I are closer than ever and we train horses together now. 

Because your parents dont hand you things does not mean that they are bad it just means that they want you to step up and take responsibility for what you want and to earn your way in life.


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## wyominggrandma (Nov 4, 2009)

Um, as an adult and a parent if you think your life is rough now, move out and be a big girl and then you will see what life is all about. Your parents don't owe you a thing at this point, you are 18 and an adult. 
It sounds to me like you want to go through life and have someone else pay for it. Can't get anyone to teach you to drive? Then pay for lessons? Can't pay for lessons? Then either get a job or walk.
You are complaining about your parents oweing you because they are parents. They pay part of your horse expense, more than alot of parents do.
You complain and complain about how bad you have it, how mean your parents are, THEN you say"I am going to take a year off, draw and ride my horse" Excuse me? Sounds like you just want to go through life and not pay your way. EVERYONE has to work and earn a living to pay bills and hobbies. Nobody owes you anything. Buckle down, get your grades up, quit expecting your parents to pay for you lifestyle and grow up.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

It sucks that people seem to be glazeing over the part where you said you HAD a job and were paying what you can. I think the bike thing that someone suggested is a great idea for the barn job though. After you graduate, which should be in a couple weeks right, it will be so easy to find the time to ride a bike that far, which honestly doesn't seem that far at all. Just think of what great shape you will be in this summer.


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## equiniphile (Aug 16, 2009)

Katie4469 said:


> but for art school you don't really need good grades you need a good portfolio


If an interviewer is looking over resumes and it's between you and an A+ student, who is he going to choose?


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## wyominggrandma (Nov 4, 2009)

yes, she has a job, but seems her "wants" are higher than what she earns. So, she needs to get another job or quit some of her expenses.
I was still in high school and bought my own car, had 3 horses and dogs and kept my grades up and did just fine. I even starting paying rent to my parents who put the money away for me and gave it to me when I moved into my first apartment.(had no idea they were doing that). 
She wants everything to be handed to her on a silver platter and is acting like a spoiled child when it doesn't go her way. She doesn't mention if she has brothers and sisters or if she is an only child.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

alright guys, I think its time to back off now :3 she's gotten what she needs, understands that she needs to work to achieve her goals, has had her 'slap in the face' as you might call it, and has thanked everyone. No need to continue hounding her about it.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

Very few teens who are actually spoiled and ungrateful will admit it and ASK for their reality check. She has acted very adult about it IMO. Finding a decent job is hard enough for adults in this economy, don't be so sure it's that easy for her as a teen. It's not easy to just snap out of the person you were raised to be. If she is spoiled, her parents need to take some responsibility for that too and be a little more willing to help her find her way, like taking her to get her drivers license which is a fairly simple task as a parent, especially when you expect them to pay their own way.


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## cfralic (Jan 17, 2011)

equiniphile said:


> If an interviewer is looking over resumes and it's between you and an A+ student, who is he going to choose?


I agree with this. Also, to get into most art schools you do need a good portfolio but you also need high marks (usually in English and Art where I live). 

OP, very brave of you and dignified to take our opinions into consideration. I hope you do well.


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## MajesticSpirit (Jul 17, 2010)

equiniphile said:


> If an interviewer is looking over resumes and it's between you and an A+ student, who is he going to choose?


ummm most people don't put their transcripts in their resumes hehe. When presenting your academic acheivments you'll just list where you went to school and that you graduated.


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## Katie4469 (Jun 15, 2010)

Endiku said:


> alright guys, I think its time to back off now :3 she's gotten what she needs, understands that she needs to work to achieve her goals, has had her 'slap in the face' as you might call it, and has thanked everyone. No need to continue hounding her about it.


Thank you, seriously.


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## pctrider (Nov 14, 2010)

This is to the OP and anyone else whose parents/important people in their lives don't tell them "I love you." 

My grandma seemed as hard as rocks to us but when we got older my sister started ending her phone calls with "love ya" I am sure it was hard to do but now my grandma tells us all the time how much she loves us. She has said to multiple people that the first few times were hard but that my sister starting it made her realize how nice it made her feel and how much she did want us to know.


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## Shenandoah (Aug 9, 2010)

MajesticSpirit said:


> ummm most people don't put their transcripts in their resumes hehe. When presenting your academic acheivments you'll just list where you went to school and that you graduated.


Many employers will ask what your GPA was and/or have a space for it in the application.


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