# When your world is turned upside down



## QtrBel

Hugs and prayers.


----------



## Knave

I am so sorry. There are no words. Just prayers and thoughts.


----------



## aubie

We will never ignore you. This is exactly the right spot to post. I wish I had something more to offer. We are here. Post as much as you need. From his room when he is asleep, or gone for a test. We will pray right then.


----------



## Walkamile

Prayers and hugs.


----------



## mmshiro

Acadianartist said:


> I just needed to write it down somewhere.


Anytime. You let us know what you need from us!


----------



## Dreamcatcher Arabians

Prayers healing and well wishes for your entire family from all of us. You are not alone.


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

I'm so sorry, @Acadianartist, that you and your family have to be going through this. I know it's not a lot, but sending well wishes and prayers your way. And many hugs.

I'll echo what everyone else is saying, that this is the perfect place for you to post, to talk. We're all gonna be here for you, and do our best to help in any way we can.


----------



## egrogan

The beauty of this community is that you don’t have to be strong or know all the answers for the people here-you can come here when you need it in whatever way you need it.

Will be thinking of you and your family.


----------



## csimkunas6

Oh gosh, Im so sorry! Hugs and prayers for you, your son, and family as you go through this!


----------



## gunslinger

Oh my...I'm so sorry to hear this but maybe I can offer you a little bit of hope.

I've recently, with in the past 2 years, had two close friends diagnosed with non Hodgkins lymphoma.

While not the same diagnosis as your son, both are now cancer free.

I've prayed for them both each and every day.....and now, pray that they stay cancer free.

I've had a lot of prayers answered.....I'll add him to my prayer list.

God be with you. Hang in there, be strong.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thank you all. Really, I am touched by your kind sentiments.


----------



## rambo99

Hugs & prayers sent you're way.


----------



## boots

Aw. I'm terribly sorry to hear this. 

Hugs and prayer from here. And no, you're not alone.


----------



## Cedar & Salty

Oh, what a hard thing to face! My thoughts are with you and your son. I'll be sending positive energy and prayers your way.


----------



## mkmurphy81

Prayers and hugs.


----------



## SilverMaple

I'm so sorry to hear this, and will be thinking of you and your son.


----------



## gunslinger

I know how terrified you must be.....

I've been reading a little about it.....and the survival rate is 98% at five years.

Odds are good for him. Still, it's hard to know gods plan but know he has one for you and your son.

Just keep in mind the three greatest things in the world......faith, hope, and love.

He's going to beat this, live a long wonderful life, and give you many grandchildren.


----------



## aubie

He sure is! And next Christmas the post will be how he is cancer free and wants a car for Christmas. We will celebrate then with you as we are here for the long haul. This thread will not leave the first page until we get the news.


----------



## knightrider

What scary and terrible news. I am so sorry. I also know someone with Hodgkins Lymphoma who was diagnosed 20 years ago in his 60's. He is in his 80's now and still doing well. His case was quite severe, and we never stopped praying for him (still do), as we will do for you. There are so many people on this forum who care about you, and I am one too.


----------



## 4horses

You may want to look into herbal remedies. Magnolia bark (active ingredient honokiol and magnolol) might be beneficial. 
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2015/06/150625145320.htm

My dog had cancer in his sinuses and was on magnolia bark extract til he finally passed. His cancer was completely incurable- not even radiation would have helped. My cat currently has breast cancer - she had surgery in October to remove the masses. The prognosis is poor, but she came through surgery well and is her typical happy and playful self. She doesn't know she has cancer. I'm giving her flaxseed as it lowers metastasis rates for breast cancer. Usually the cancer spreads to the lungs so i want to prevent that if possible. I would have used magnolia bark, but it is very bitter and i doubt she would take it. Cats tend to have double negative breast cancer which is extremely aggressive, so I'm just trying to buy her time. 

I believe mayo clinic suggested that ginseng fights fatigue in cancer patients
https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/...-cancer-patients-mayo-clinic-led-study-finds/

Also I would look for something to ease the side effects of chemotherapy. Just research anything you try to see if it is safe with chemotherapy. 

https://uihc.org/health-topics/chemotherapy-what-can-be-done-about-side-effects

This may also be helpful:
https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/d...ne/herbs/herbs-botanicals-other-products-faqs

I heavily researched herbal remedies after being diagnosed with a rare gastrointestinal disorder. I can't say they saved my life but i rely heavily on them- they are just as valuable in managing my condition, as prescription medications are. It also took years, and visits to several major medical centers and multiple trials with experimental medication to finally get on the path to healing. I must say those experimental medications were truly horrid. Under compassionate use, you are allowed to order experimental drugs from other countries. It required finding a doctor willing to write the prescriptions. Most of the drugs failed but one worked well, if expensive. Insurance does not cover experimental medications.

I wish you luck. If you need to look for clinical trials, do be afraid to search for ones outside of Canada.

Join team inspire- the support group. They are fantastic group of people. They can answer your questions sometimes better than the doctors. You need to look for the best doctor you can find and spend hours researching your options for treatment. All the standard, fda approved treatments failed to help me. You have to find a doctor who questions everything and thinks outside the box. I think i went through at least 6 doctors before finding a good one.


----------



## Chevaux

I hope and wish the very best for your son, Acadian. For what it’s worth, my friend from high school was diagnosed with the same and was treated some 35 plus years ago and has done very well since then.


----------



## Alder

I'm so glad you told us AA. My thoughts will be with you, please let us know how he is doing, and how you are doing.


----------



## JCnGrace

How very sorry I am that your son and all of you are having to go through this. Adding my hugs and prayers in with all the others.


----------



## HombresArablegacy

We are all here for you in the forum. Sending healing prayers to your son, and strength to you and your family.


----------



## LoriF

Wow, this is tough. I'll be keeping your family in my thoughts. Hang in there, I know most of us are so far away but if you need anything many will be here to try to help.


----------



## tinyliny

When you have time, and mental space, tell us the story of how you came to have him diagnosed, and , what this diagnosis means. I don't know anything about this .


And, how does your son feel? I'd rather hear what it means to YOU, than look it up in Wikipedia.


----------



## ManicDaisy

Wow. That is so hard. 

What a shock. I have a 16yo and a 13yo, so I can only imagine how tough this is.

Just know that this IS treatable.

It will be hard, and a struggle, but you WILL get through. 

This is one of the “good” cancers. It’s one people survive. And it will be okay.

Whatever you post, I’ll read.


----------



## Foxhunter

What a terrible Christmas present! 

As said this is one of the highest cure rate for cancer. The treatment is crap but he will get there. 

Hugs and positive thoughts to you all.


----------



## Caledonian

I'm very sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with your son, you and your family at this difficult time.


----------



## Knave

Thinking of you today.


----------



## horselovinguy

I was away yesterday and did not see this till now...


Please add another praying for comfort, guidance from the medical teams and strength for you and your family during this time.
May you find comfort knowing so many care and will be thinking of you...and your child.
Tis the season for miracles...believe!!
_Now please accept a hug..._

_hlg..._


----------



## greentree

Hugs and prayers from KY.....I wish I were close enough to be able to DO something to help.


----------



## RegalCharm

I will join in with the other posters in offering my prayers for your son.

I did find this on the St. Jude's Children's research hospital site.

What are the survival rates for Hodgkin lymphoma?

"In general, five-year survival rates for Hodgkin lymphoma are very good:
Between 90 and 95 percent for those with early diagnoses.
About 90 percent for children whose disease has spread. "


So your son has an excellent chance of being fine after treatment.

https://www.stjude.org/disease/hodgkin-lymphoma.html


----------



## SwissMiss

I am so sorry to hear this! Keeping your family in my thoughts. :hug:


----------



## Cedar & Salty

RegalCharm said:


> I will join in with the other posters in offering my prayers for your son.
> 
> I did find this on the St. Jude's Children's research hospital site.
> 
> What are the survival rates for Hodgkin lymphoma?
> 
> "In general, five-year survival rates for Hodgkin lymphoma are very good:
> Between 90 and 95 percent for those with early diagnoses.
> About 90 percent for children whose disease has spread. "
> 
> 
> So your son has an excellent chance of being fine after treatment.
> 
> https://www.stjude.org/disease/hodgkin-lymphoma.html


I was going to add something like this last night. Drawing on my long ago experience working on an inpatient oncology unit, Hodgkin's is a much better diagnosis than non-Hodgkin lymphoma. That sure doesn't make the process of chemo and other treatments any easier. It's hard enough to watch patients struggle with the fear and suffering of a cancer diagnosis. I can't imagine trying to support my own child through it.

I'm wishing you strength, and wishing your son comfort and resilience over the coming days and weeks.


----------



## Kalraii

I saw your post in bed and been thinking about you throughout the day. I meet several families going through similar and terminal diagnoses every day at work. It never gets easy looking at some of the young faces that come through. The nice part of my current job is that due to the nature of it I will be alone with the patient, away from the family for around 10minutes. The most common thing I've taken away from my talks with them is the way they worry about their family and are upset the way they are looked at - with pity and sadness. One girl said that she was so angry with her mother for constantly gazing at her as if she would drop dead tomorrow and in short taking away any independance she had, even if it was just to go get a glass of water. One older patient was fed up with the family treating everyday like a funeral and all she wanted to do was sit and watch tv. Everyone is stressed. Everyone IS a victim of lifes unfairness. People do crazy things in the name of love. But you already wrote that you're trying to keep things normal and that's exactly it. They aren't gone until they are gone, until then there is much life and laughter to be had. And even then, with todays treatment and your fortunate country of residence it's not even a matter of gone at all! I have high hopes. When patients state their illness either my heart will drop into my stomach or I will feel relieved for them, because treatment is so successful. That's the point I'm at now. When I read your post even for the third time my heart never dropped. Remember, life shouldn't stop. You must look after yourself, too. You got this. <3


----------



## AtokaGhosthorse

I... have nothing to add that hasn't already been said. We will be praying for you, your daughter, and your family


----------



## Hondo

@Acadianartist Around 22 years ago I was diagnosed with what turned out to be an incurable form of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma at that time, Low Grade NHL.

Low grade grows so slowly it is not susceptible to chemo which only acts on rapidly dividing cells. High grade reacts to chemo but grows so fast it outruns the chemo. Intermediate at that time had an 80% cure rate with chemo.

Although low grade grows slowly, it will still kill over a not too lengthy period.

I was first misdiagnosed as having intermediate and had it not been for my self advocacy and having my slides re-read by Stanford Medical School in California, I would not be typing this today.

Short story is they had an opening in a trials that I fit the specs for and it was successful. Since that time, low grade has been updated to curable. Takes 14 years of being clinically free for incurable to change to curable, I was told.

I'm relating all this to you not for the purpose of talking about myself. Just to share with you to be an advocate and that the world may not be as upside down it now appears to you and as it certainly appeared to me 22 years ago.

There has been an astounding amount of new research and successes with all types of cancer in the last twenty years.

And keeping spirits upbeat and positive is almost if not as important as being and advocate IME.

I'll be following this thread very closely.

Best wishes and hopes to you and all of yours.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks everyone. I am so moved by all your kind thoughts. @Hondo, I'm glad you were proactive! We have done tons of reading, have talked to numerous people, and are meticulously keeping track of everything the oncologists are doing. They are the experts, and the Hodgkins diagnosis is definitive, but we don't hesitate to ask a lot of questions when something is not clear. 

@Tiny, you asked how we found out. 

About two months ago, we noticed a very small bump around my son's neck, near the collarbone. Maybe grape sized. Now, he's a very active kid and a football player, so we thought he might have bumped himself and decided we would just keep an eye on it. A few weeks went by, and it didn't go away, so we called our family dr. and made an appointment to have it checked. Then, on Friday December 7th, he was training in the back yard as usual while my husband and I were in town doing groceries (we live half an our out of town). He called us and said he couldn't breathe and was having chest pain. I kept him on the phone while we drove home, but he seemed better after a few minutes. By the time we got home, he was feeling normal, but his neck was really bulging on both sides. I got very worried then. Monday, December 10th, I called his dr. first thing in the morning and explained what I was observing. We brought him in right away, and she admitted him to the local hospital. That afternoon, they told us it was probably lymphoma. The next day, we threw a few things in a suitcase and drove 5 hours to the nearest specialized children's hospital. There, he underwent a battery of tests. 

They confirmed it is Hodgkin's lymphoma, which, as many have written, is very treatable. We are not sure of the stage, but they are beginning to suspect stage 4. A bone marrow biopsy will tell us whether it is or not. Stage 4A Hodkin's lymphoma has an 85% survival rate at the five-year mark. Therefore even if it is stage 4 (and it may not be), we are optimistic. He is a strong healthy kid.

So the last couple of weeks have left me devastated and barely able to breathe. I think I've lost about 15 pounds (people remark on it when they see me). I think most of it is being able wrap my head around my son having cancer. Seeing him get poked and prodded over and over, going through various procedures (he had two surgeries just in the last two weeks), and knowing that he will be getting a lot sicker so he can get better. Oddly, other than the short-of-breath episode, he has no other symptoms. No fever, no weight loss, no excessive fatigue (he can sleep in til noon if we let him, but we assumed it was just a teenager thing). Because he has no symptoms other than the lumps, he is A rather than B. We're hoping that bodes well.

I have reduced my workload to take him to treatments and look after him. I've met with all his teachers to come up with a plan because he's very stressed about all the school he will have to miss. I've re-organized my life around this. 

But you're right @Kalraii he doesn't want to be treated differently. As hard as it is, I give him his space, and let him do normal things. We have not changed our holiday plans except for the fact that we will have to drive the five hours back to the children's hospital on December 27th and stay there a few days so he can get his first chemotherapy. I'm grateful that we have a solid health care system, and very competent doctors. His football friends gave him a football from last season signed by all the players, and are doing a great job keeping him occupied by Skyping, texting, etc. The great thing is that friends his age don't want to talk about cancer like adults do. They hear the news, want to know if he's going to die, and when he says no, they move on to talking about the scores at the latest game. This is really good for him. We assume he will get back to normal activities in a few months and that he will be able to play football again next fall (football is to him what horses are to me, so I get it). Unfortunately, he will not be able to play for our provincial team this year, as he has for the last three years, because the training starts in March. 

Again, thanks to everyone for your kind thoughts. It's about the most terrifying things a mother can hear, but it is treatable, and we believe he will recover just fine. I'm beginning to wrap my head around this. He's in great health otherwise, and has a very positive attitude right now. There will be hard times ahead, and I wish I could take away the pain, but I can't. I just tell myself that this will make him a stronger, more empathetic person when it's over.


----------



## tinyliny

If, for any reason you needed to come to Seattle, to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer center, I would be at your disposal for any local assistance. The Hutch is one of the best in the world.


----------



## Acadianartist

tinyliny said:


> If, for any reason you needed to come to Seattle, to the Fred Hutchinson Cancer center, I would be at your disposal for any local assistance. The Hutch is one of the best in the world.


That's so kind of you @Tiny. I can't believe the kindness in all of you. That said, I don't imagine we could ever afford treatment outside Canada. But thank you from the bottom of my heart.


----------



## QtrBel

That normalcy and moving forward with so much to keep going for makes a big difference. I have seen that over and over with cancers that have much lower survival rates. Having faith, family and friends is a part of the cure. Thinking of you all and keeping your family in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. My son said to wish you all the best.


----------



## MarkyBanjo

aww good luck!!!! It's hard but I hope it all goes well and make sure that he has the best life as possible. I hope you all have a great Christmas even with all of this happening. <3


----------



## Acadianartist

QtrBel said:


> That normalcy and moving forward with so much to keep going for makes a big difference. I have seen that over and over with cancers that have much lower survival rates. Having faith, family and friends is a part of the cure. Thinking of you all and keeping your family in our hearts, thoughts and prayers. My son said to wish you all the best.


How sweet of your son @QtrBel -- tell him thank you.


----------



## Foxhunter

My niece was just three when diagnosed with lymphatic leukaemia. That led to two years of treatment which wasn't easy at all. As a family we all pulled together, friends helped greatly, prayers were uttered from family, friends and strangers. Together it all worked. Verity is mid twenties now and paying back by being a paediatric nurse specialising in ICU. 

I am not a church goer, but do pray. My 'church' is a high point on the Downs by a trigometric point. I sit on the concrete base, look at the view which covers the whole Island, admire the beauty and hum away.


----------



## HombresArablegacy

Acadianartist said:


> That's so kind of you @Tiny. I can't believe the kindness in all of you. That said, I don't imagine we could ever afford treatment outside Canada. But thank you from the bottom of my heart.


St Judes Children's hospital never charges the families of children for care, treatments, housing or travel. It's an option you can look into if needed. My best friends daughter was diagnosed with cancer in her shoulder at 15. St Judes paid for everything, surgery, meds, hospital stay, and they didn't even have to leave Florida.


----------



## Acadianartist

HombresArablegacy said:


> St Judes Children's hospital never charges the families of children for care, treatments, housing or travel. It's an option you can look into if needed. My best friends daughter was diagnosed with cancer in her shoulder at 15. St Judes paid for everything, surgery, meds, hospital stay, and they didn't even have to leave Florida.


That's amazing. But we live in New Brunswick, Canada. If St Judes covered all costs of treatment for patients anywhere in the world they'd be broke. 

Our health system is such that we don't get to choose where we get treated in most cases. Treatments will be free, and the idea of our health care system is that the same level of care is accessible to all. It has its flaws, but that's how it works. Hospital stays for my son are covered by my insurance. They don't cover costs if he is not an in-patient though, nor do they cover care for me. However, they have thus far allowed me to stay in his room. Meals are covered for the patient (except when he is receiving treatment on an out-patient basis), but not for parents of course. That's ok, I haven't been eating much anyway. Travel is not covered. We're not sure yet what drugs will be covered or to what extent. We'll do what we have to do. It may mean not keeping Rusty, but that's ok. I can't sell Harley because my daughter matters too, and Harley needs a friend, so Kodak stays. Otherwise, we're not big spenders. We drive old cars, I don't buy clothes for myself, we don't go out to eat or go on vacations. And that's perfectly fine with me. 

That said, if things got complicated, or we needed a specialist from outside the Maritimes, we'd do what we have to do. For now, he is at the best hospital in our part of the country -- the IWK in Halifax, NS.


----------



## Acadianartist

Foxhunter said:


> My niece was just three when diagnosed with lymphatic leukaemia. That led to two years of treatment which wasn't easy at all. As a family we all pulled together, friends helped greatly, prayers were uttered from family, friends and strangers. Together it all worked. Verity is mid twenties now and paying back by being a paediatric nurse specialising in ICU.
> 
> I am not a church goer, but do pray. My 'church' is a high point on the Downs by a trigometric point. I sit on the concrete base, look at the view which covers the whole Island, admire the beauty and hum away.


When I was at the hospital with my son grappling with the diagnosis and all the tests (within less than two days we went from being a normal family to living in a hospital prepping for surgery), I saw many young children. I cannot even imagine what it's like for the parents of those babies. At least my son understands what is going on. He's coping as well as could be expected, but at least when there is pain, he knows why, and knows things will get better. I'm glad to hear your niece got to overcome her diagnosis!


----------



## phantomhorse13

Acadianartist said:


> We assume he will get back to normal activities in a few months and that he will be able to play football again next fall (football is to him what horses are to me, so I get it). Unfortunately, he will not be able to play for our provincial team this year, as he has for the last three years, because the training starts in March.


Is there such a thing as a student team manager (or can you speak to the coach(es) about allowing such a position)? While it's of course not as good as actually playing, if he feels about football what we feel about horses, he will appreciate being on the field and around his teammates.




Acadianartist said:


> I haven't been eating much anyway.


Please make sure to take care of YOU in all this - you cannot be there for your son and the rest of the family if you fall over from lack of self-care. If you have lost enough weight for people to comment, that is a serious thing.


Prayers for strength, peace, and healing.


----------



## Acadianartist

phantomhorse13 said:


> Is there such a thing as a student team manager (or can you speak to the coach(es) about allowing such a position)? While it's of course not as good as actually playing, if he feels about football what we feel about horses, he will appreciate being on the field and around his teammates.
> 
> 
> 
> Please make sure to take care of YOU in all this - you cannot be there for your son and the rest of the family if you fall over from lack of self-care. If you have lost enough weight for people to comment, that is a serious thing.
> 
> 
> Prayers for strength, peace, and healing.


Excellent suggestion about creating some kind of position, but I'm not sure it's possible. The provincial team is assembled each year through recruitment. He has consistently ranked in the top 40 player positions in this province for the last three years, earning him a spot on the team. Players from all over the province compete for these spots, and he's probably not the only one facing challenges right now, so they may not be able to accomodate him. It wouldn't be fair to all the other players who work hard to earn a spot. I know it doesn't seem fair, but this is beyond high school football. He'll still be on his high school football team, since the season is in the fall. My husband actually helped create this high school team, and is team manager (he got most of the sponsors for their first season which just ended), so they have a special place for our son on the team no matter what. In fact, his teammates all signed a football which they gave to him yesterday. I'm blown away that a bunch of 15 year old boys wrote how they love him and are rooting for him. It is a close-knit group of people, so that really helps. He'll be carrying that football with him to the hospital.

And yes, I know I have to stay strong. I've been eating a little better the last two days since my parents are here and there is so much food. But at the hospital, I find it hard to eat. For one thing, I don't like to leave his side (I sleep in his room) even though there is a cafeteria downstairs. You never know when the dr. are going to come by, and I've left to get food and come back to find that I missed an oncologist visit. But mostly, I just have zero appetite. I do think I will go back to my normal appetite once we get a handle on things and develop a new normal. I don't have much appetite to start with, and felt like I was carrying around a ton of bricks all the time for the first week or so. 

We leave on the 27th for his first treatment which should last 3 days. If things go well, we'll be able to come back here and do most of the subsequent treatments locally. I've decided to get him admitted for this first treatment (they gave me the option of doing that, or doing it on an out-patient basis). That way, if he has a violent reaction to the chemo drugs, there are nurses there to help him, and doctors on hand to monitor his reactions. He's about twice my size so it's not like I can pick him up off the floor if things are bad. And I will avoid having to stay in a hotel. Luckily, each room in this hospital has a built-in bed for a parent to stay. There is even a private shower in his room which I can use too. I'm grateful for those amenities.


----------



## Foxhunter

One would think that any oncology ward would be dismal let alone a children's ward but at Southampton, it was anything but. So much positivity, laughter and friendship. 

My sister was pregnant with Tobias at the time, the day Verity was due to come home for rat first time (9weeks) she went into labour. Walked about half a mile to the maternity unit and produced her son. 

Th one thing that I know made a big impact to her was that attached to the ward was an advisor. After the diagnosis things moved fast. They were told what was going on, what was going to happen but in a state of shock the information wasn't absorbed. This is where the advisor came in as she would sit and talk and explain everything. 

Verity lost all her hair, would t wear a hat no matter the weather, only a head band. If it was raining and she was told to put her hood up her reply was, "I don't care if my hair and gets wet." 

The treatment went to plan. Some of it was terrible. One load of steroids would give her 'the eats' She would wake around 5 a.m hungry, eat a packet of cereal, mid sized, with two pints of milk amd several rounds of toast. Have a cooked breakfast around 7.00 be taken to my parents ready for school amd have another cooked breakfast. She went to play school armed with two packets of biscuits, (cookies) and several bananas. Whoever picked her up took a couple of bananas which were eaten on the walk home. Mum would have her lunch ready and she would eat a head of broccoli, several roast potatoes amd a large chicken quarter - to two. Then she would sleep. On waking repeat lunch. 
Then she would have another meal in her home evening. Bed, wake around midnight and have more to eat. 

All this for a tiny skinny little thing, legs and arms like matchsticks and a belly like she was 8 months pregnant. This went on for a couple of weeks. 

Sister asked an older girl undergoing the same treatment what it was like with the eats. This girl explained it was as if someone was cutting a hole in your stomach and the only way to stop he pain was to pack it with food. 

Other steroids made her a happy drunk, different ones, very sad and combative. All worth the mood swings! 

The hospital never lied to the children. If an injection was going to hurt they warned them ditto with oral meds. 

Obviously no one want to visit a paediatric oncology ward but I did and can truthfully say that it was always full of laughter.


----------



## QtrBel

It sounds like they have a system set up with parents in mind then. I know here there are volunteers that are there to basically run errands like going to the cafeteria and such (not off campus) so that the family doesn't have to leave the room. 



Acadian, my son has spent hours at his grandmother's side during her treatments in the summer to help give my dad a break and when I couldn't be there. It hurts him to think that someone his age is going through cancer. I wish there weren't so many miles between all of us HF folk. It would make things so much easier at times when one of our own is in need.


----------



## Acadianartist

Yes @Foxhunter, I don't want to be there, but honestly, they do a fantastic job making it as comfortable as possible. The people who work there are truly amazing. That's interesting about the steroids. And good to know. If he eats anymore than he's eating now, we'll have to buy shares in a grocery chain! He's a football player, so eats non-stop. He never did lose his appetite, except on days he had surgeries. So hopefully it means he'll take the treatments well. 

Unfortunately @QtrlBel, I never saw a volunteer like that during the week that I went. We do have a care coordinator, but she's often not available. Remember, it's the holidays. One day, she had a replacement, and the new person hadn't been filled in on anything. My husband did week 2, and he was not admitted, so it meant figuring out sleeping and eating arrangements. My husband is also not quite as good at keeping track of information, which led to some confusion. He means well, but you're right, there is so, so much to absorb in those first few days. Luckily, I seem to be able to take in every small detail. So it's better if I go. 

One of the big challenges for me is leaving the horses. My daughter has found it hard doing everything herself. I suppose it will show her just how much I do. Normally friends would help, but they're away for the holidays. And others can only do so much... as most of you know, I have a pretty detailed feeding schedule with an older horse that has a tendancy to have skin, respiratory and digestive issues, a new horse that recently colicked, and a very sensitive mare that won't let just anyone handle her. I normally feed 5 times a day MINIMUM. Sometimes more. My first thought when we got the diagnosis was that we would have to send the new horse back. He is still technically on trial. But now I don't know.... he's a great horse. I have a lot of offers for help. So we'll just have to see. I actually think it would be nice to get my son in the barn a little more while he recovers from treatments. He might discover that horses aren't just for his mom and little sister. The new horse is a great horse for this because he's friendly and uncomplicated. Love people. 

So I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself, and just see how the next while evolves, what it means for us financially, and how the treatments affect him.


----------



## Foxhunter

Just a thought, can you find a lad of a similar age that has gone through the treatment to contact you boy, it could be a big help for him to have someone to confide in.


----------



## Remali

I am a bit late getting here, been away from the forum for a little while again. So sorry to hear what you and your son and your family are going through. I sure can relate about trying to figure out who will care for the horses, animals, pets, and so on. 

You have already gotten really wonderful advice here, I don't have much to add, just that we are always here for you, this forum is so kind and caring. When I went thru my health issues, so many kind people were there for me, people from this forum. You are in the right forum, for sure. Your son sounds strong and determined, and today's treatments have gotten so much better, survival rates are much improved now. But, it is still a frightening thing to discover, and I sure do know how it changes your whole world (I went thru it last year with my own cancer diagnosis, I am now cancer-free). I found that just doing my usual normal routine, if I was able to, helped a lot. I'm glad to hear you are thinking of keeping the new horse, I have found that animals truly help us heal.


----------



## Yogiwick

Also just seeing this. Hugs to you and your boy!

My elderly father had rectal cancer awhile back. Lots of chemo/radiation ending with a colonostomy. Has been cancer free since. I think most of what is seen/heard of cancer is how hard the treatments are (vs the cancer itself). My father had VERY little reaction to the chemo, the radiation was harder but still not too bad. I think receiving such a scary diagnosis people tend to assume and think about the worse but it won't necessarily be that bad. Overall my father felt pretty well through the whole thing. He was also able to commute to and from the hospital (about an hour each way- with someone driving of course) for the most part. He was not hospitalized for any long stretch aside from after his colonostomy which was maybe a week? Obviously major surgery though.. I know your son has a different type of illness but just saying that the treatments effect everyone differently. I always "knew" chemo made you very sick and you lost your hair yada yada (my dad always joked about his combover getting thinner) but my father didn't have any of that, and the only long term side effect of note is he doesn't taste/smell as well though I think part of that is age related.

You have a young otherwise healthy boy who is in good shape, I KNOW how you are with the horses I can only imagine with your son!  it also sounds like it was caught pretty early. Sounds like good odds and you've got all the really important factors that are in your favor. I have found the hardest part with any scary situation like this is not really knowing, we hear things, we assume, we know it's a big deal, we just don't know what that actually means. I like to know every tiny little detail and then it makes me feel better about things. It's not unlikely this could be a bump in the road and nothing more. Definitely hoping that for you. This is definitely an excellent support group! Do keep us posted. Wishing you all the best <3


----------



## waresbear

Hugs for you, momma keep on being you for your son. It is a long dark tunnel but you & your family will travel through it. Thanks for trusting us enough to share your heartache & journey.


----------



## Acadianartist

That's a great story @Yogiwick! Do you know at what stage he was? I hear rectal cancer is a hard one to beat, and the fact that the treatments really didn't bother him that much is a bonus! I sure hope that's all it is for my son. I'd be so happy! 

He reminded me today that we only have today and tomorrow until we go back  I just hope this first treatment isn't to hard on him.


----------



## GMA100

I know I’m a bit late, but I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. 

My cousins bf had cancer and successfully went into remission within a year of being diagnosed. I cant remember exactly what type of cancer it was, but I almost think it’s the same or near the same as your son. It’s been about 2 years since he’s been clear and he’s perfectly healthy. 


Even though it’s rough right now, it will get better eventually! If I lived closer, I’d help your daughter with what chores I could. 

Hugs! and stay strong for your family!


----------



## Foxhunter

I spoke to my niece yesterday about Hodgkin s and her immediate reply was 'I am not on the oncology unit BUT cure rate was high especially with teens. Not so good with young children.' 

So, sounds very hopeful.


----------



## carshon

@Acadianartist I just want to tell you how very sorry I was to read your post. And my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. And I will stress to you that you MUST keep yourself healthy. I know this from my own families experience. My sister was 17yrs old and a Sr in high school and fell off of her horse fracturing her skull in 3 places. It was touch and go for her for the first week. I was 15 and a Sophomore when this happened. My parents dropped everything to be with my sister and stay with her at the hospital she was flown too (a couple of hours away) They never left her side as she fought for her life - my Mom and Dad both lost a lot of weight and as smokers they did what smokers do and smoked away their stress. My sister was in a coma for about 2 weeks and then in a semi coma and then in recovery where she had to learn to talk again, walk again, feed herself, dress herself etc. Her hospital stay lasted 6 weeks. During that time my mother contacted pneumonia due to stress and not taking care of herself. The end result being they sent her home because they could not take the chance that she would give it to my sister in her compromised state. This was devastating to my Mom - those 2 weeks at home made her feel helpless and out of control - getting info sporadically from my Dad who, as you said of your husband, was not so great at asking good questions or remembering the detailed answers. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! 


I will keep your son in my prayers as well as your daughter. Being a sibling of someone with a major medical issue can be hard - BUT your children are old enough to understand why things are happening. And I too took care of our horses and cows (chickens and geese) while my sister was in hospital. It is a good learning experience and she will do fine!


----------



## carshon

@Acadianartist I just want to tell you how very sorry I was to read your post. And my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. And I will stress to you that you MUST keep yourself healthy. I know this from my own families experience. My sister was 17yrs old and a Sr in high school and fell off of her horse fracturing her skull in 3 places. It was touch and go for her for the first week. I was 15 and a Sophomore when this happened. My parents dropped everything to be with my sister and stay with her at the hospital she was flown too (a couple of hours away) They never left her side as she fought for her life - my Mom and Dad both lost a lot of weight and as smokers they did what smokers do and smoked away their stress. My sister was in a coma for about 2 weeks and then in a semi coma and then in recovery where she had to learn to talk again, walk again, feed herself, dress herself etc. Her hospital stay lasted 6 weeks. During that time my mother contacted pneumonia due to stress and not taking care of herself. The end result being they sent her home because they could not take the chance that she would give it to my sister in her compromised state. This was devastating to my Mom - those 2 weeks at home made her feel helpless and out of control - getting info sporadically from my Dad who, as you said of your husband, was not so great at asking good questions or remembering the detailed answers. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! 


I will keep your son in my prayers as well as your daughter. Being a sibling of someone with a major medical issue can be hard - BUT your children are old enough to understand why things are happening. And I too took care of our horses and cows (chickens and geese) while my sister was in hospital. It is a good learning experience and she will do fine!


----------



## Woodhaven

Acadian so very sorry to read your post, what a time you and your family are having, if thoughts and prayers can help keep you strong for your boy, you will have them in abundance from all your friends here.
Be strong


----------



## loosie

Oh gods!! Words are shallow & inadequate but just know we are all thinking of you, sending virtual hugs, for what it's worth. My eldest is 15yo.. 

FWIW - maybe nothing, maybe a lot... a friend was diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma a number of years back. I met him a couple years before he was diagnosed, I thought he was a weather worn guy in his 60's. Prognosis wasn't good. We went into a drought that year. He was on tank water which ran out & so he had to buy it.

I saw him for the first time in a while a couple years back, at the shops with a trolley full of bottled water, looking like a fit, healthy 50yo! Story unfolded... There was a trough still full of rainwater in his horses paddock, and a drinker which was down the far end which fed directly from the tank he just filled. He happened to notice none of the horses would touch the trough, but went out of their way to take turns at the drinker. He drained & refilled the trough & they were happy to drink it. Long story short, he had cypress pines over his house & shed water catchment that he chopped down, which kept the horse's happy when the rains came, but he quit drinking tank water completely & got better!


----------



## beau159

Oh my, oh my. Just want to say you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. 



I had a friend who was diagnosed with Hodgkins. She went on later that year to kick the cancer's butt, and win Miss Rodeo America on top of it. (Her story here and also here.) She's still in remission today. She had to wear a wig during the pageant to get the "rodeo queen hair" because her hair hadn't grown back from the cancer treatments. She actually had several wigs and had names for them all. She never let the cancer get her down.


----------



## farmpony84

I was so busy dealing with all my own selfish things that I never got around to responding to this thread. I can't even pretend to imagine how terrifying this is for you right now. I read that you guys were talking about maybe somehow finding a way for him to be involved in his sports team. I think that's a really good idea if it is possible. I would hope the coach would make something happen for you. I had a friend that went through this the year we graduated high school. He was a big dude (over six feet) and just a ball of energy. It was wierd seeing him go through it, losing hair and weight, and getting sick but through it all - he never lost his spirit. He did lose his girlfriend at one point - but none of us were really all that sorry to see her go... She was all wrong.

I remember he used to get his mom so upset because he would call her from the hospital and threaten to run away because he hated it there and then he would get the guys to sneak in some burgers and fries, would scarf them down and then puke them up. That was 30 years ago...

He's still a nut today and of course found a much better girls.

The power of prayer is huge and I will add you to my list. I'm sure many more of your friends, neighbors, and family will add you to theirs.


----------



## Acadianartist

Well that was a horrible first day of treatment. He is settled now though, and sleeping (it's almost 9 pm here). 

We checked in at 8 am since they told us his day would start at 8:30. But it turns out they just needed to do a bunch of things before starting chemo. Makes sense. The actual chemo was going to start at 10. Shortly after 10, they proceeded to access his Port-o-Cath, a device they placed in his chest for easy access. Because he just had the surgery a few days ago, and they had to access the site directly beneath the incision (about 2 inches across), it was excrutiatingly painful for him and he practically screamed when they pushed it in. They then drew blood and did a flush to get some fluid into the tube in his chest. He screamed again. After much coming and going by various medical personel, it was determined that the needle had not gone in where it was supposed to and the fluid was getting pushed into his chest. They had to pull it out. But then they had another problem - there was so much fluid around his port that they couldn't find another way in so we had to wait a few hours for the fluid to dissipate. It didn't. They did an ultrasound which just showed all this fluid (but nothing else catastrophically wrong luckily) and then informed me that there was an additional issue. One of the chemo drugs called etopiside (sp?) is difficult to find. They had secured enough to do his first 2 chemo treatments, but cannot guarantee more after that (they'll replace it with another drug, but this one is supposed to be the best). The chemo drugs had been prepared that morning and here's the clincher: the rare drug expires in 24 hours. So they HAD to get the chemo started or else we would not be able to use the drugs that had been prepared for him. Remember, we drove 5 hours to do this today. 

So the crux of it was that they were going to have to stab him with this needle no matter how much pain it was going to cause him. They gave him a sedative (he didn't want it, but I convinced him to take it) which did basically nothing. Turns out he's not sensitive to those drugs. They used a topical cream to freeze the area. Then 5 people came in and a senior nurse tried to do it, but instead, just ended up stabbing the area where there was fluid build-up, and sucking all the fluid out, which actually turned out to be a good thing. Then the surgeon took over because the nurse got very flustered. He got it in, but my son was screaming and crying like a baby. Remember, he's a 15 year old football player who weighs nearly 200 lbs. He's had busted lips, sprained ankles, stitches... anyway, they got it in. The drugs have now been flowing through his veins for 5 hours. Thankfully, he is sleeping through most of it. They started the whole thing 6 hours late, and I know 6 hours might not seem like a long time, but when you have been waiting to get this done, when you have been dreading the chemo for weeks, and when you're told the most effective drug for this treatment is in rare supply and will expire in 24 hours if you don't do it today, those 6 hours felt like forever. 

I've probably aged 10 years in the last two weeks. You'll be happy to know however, that I have a normal appetite again. Not that it's ever been huge, but I ate a full 12" veggie sub for supper - something I haven't done in ages. 

I will be staying with him until he goes home, which, with any luck, will be the day after tomorrow. He'll get more chemo tomorrow and the next day, but may be able to leave after that. Not fancy accommodations, but I'm grateful to be near him. And frankly, I've gotten up 4 times while writing this email to call a nurse because his chemo lines were beeping (air bubble, then a bag needed changing, then there were messages about pressure in the line...). I asked if they are automatically alerted at the nurses' desk when those machines beep and the nurse said no. So apparently I have to watch over him to make sure everything goes in correctly! I'm a little shocked, frankly. The nurse said she's stop in frequently, but that's not the same as being alerted if something is wrong. What if the needle somehow gets pulled out again? He's asleep and very drugged, and is moving in the bed. What if he pulls something loose and those toxic drugs end up going places they're not supposed to? I know these are just the ramblings of a worried mother, but I would have expected them to be on top of this a little more. I guess it's partly because he is getting it later so most of the day staff is gone. Guess that's why I'm here. 

Missing the horses too... my bed for the night. Much like a residence room bed. Not bad, really, though the mattress is so hard it hurts my hip bones. Oh well, I'll survive. As long as my son gets through this, it will all be well worth getting sore hips from a hard bed.


----------



## farmpony84

It looks better than the barbie pull-out bed they have here!

Of course you will probably freeze your tail off when you do hit the sack. It doesn't look like much more than a sheet!

Hopefully this will be a story you can laugh about at a later date... Over dinner... when you are all making fun of the nursing staff and the drugs and the beeping...

I'm assuming he's going to be sick to his tummy for a while? I don't know how the hospitals there work but I'm assuming you can pretty much "live there" while he's there?


----------



## QtrBel

HUGS just big HUGS to all of you. Watching or talking/texting my mom through Apheresis every few weeks sounds similar. One of her chemo agents is added in through that process and UV light is applied. The cancer cells are also filtered out, killed and a portion returned to help stimulate her immune system. That part hasn't worked as hoped consistently as she was stage 4 when the trial started and she should have been excluded but they made an exception and wrote her case into the study.


----------



## Knave

That sounds like a terrible day. I remember an incompetent set of nurses with my oldest baby and I got so mad I had to walk out for a bit less have a panic attack in front of everyone. I am sorry you had to feel that. I hope from now on everything goes how it should.


----------



## Acadianartist

farmpony84 said:


> It looks better than the barbie pull-out bed they have here!
> 
> Of course you will probably freeze your tail off when you do hit the sack. It doesn't look like much more than a sheet!
> 
> Hopefully this will be a story you can laugh about at a later date... Over dinner... when you are all making fun of the nursing staff and the drugs and the beeping...
> 
> I'm assuming he's going to be sick to his tummy for a while? I don't know how the hospitals there work but I'm assuming you can pretty much "live there" while he's there?


I made the bed with what little I could get my hands on, but it's actually comfortable enough, just a little hard for my soft taste  We have a thermostat in the room, so I can adjust the temperature if I'm cold. I could have brought more blankets from home, but it's a lot of bulk to travel with. I bring a warm wraparound sweater which I sometimes sleep in if I feel chilly. As you can see, there is also a mini-fridge. We have our own bathroom that includes a shower, so that's pretty nice. And down the hall there is a full kitchen where I can make toast, coffee, get juice, etc. So yes, it's designed so parents can live here. The IWK is a children's hospital so I guess they figure it's best if parents stay. There are other options (a low-cost "house" nearby for families to stay in), but this works for me. 

We really don't know how the drugs will affect him yet. The good thing is that he has had no adverse reactions to any of them so far. There are some pretty nasty reactions that can occur, so I'm glad to see that everything is now going in well. They really stay on top of the nausea now by administering anti-nausea drugs before they even start the chemo. So we really don't know how he's going to feel. Hopefully not too badly.


----------



## RegalCharm

I am as glad as you are that the hopefully worst part of the day is over And sleeping is a good thing. I have had direct lines put in before and yes they hurt like Double H*ll. I am glad he is a strong young man. I would imagine that they have the line taped pretty good so it doesn't come out.

I don't under stand why the IV machine doesn't have a light and a little alarm sound at the nurses station. Mine alarm went off so many times one late night because I was bending my arm when sleeping and shutting off the IV flow the nurse made an improvised splint so I could not bend my arm. LOL....

You need to rest as much as you can. I know it is easier to say than to do because you love your son. But that is what mothers do when their child is sick. And being a parent with grown children no matter how old they get they are still your child.


Remember Red S. God Bless. 


Gene


----------



## aubie

Thank you so much for updating us.


----------



## tinyliny

I think there is literally NOTHING worse than seeing your children in pain.
nothing.


you made it. he made it. 



Breathe.


Sleep.


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

That pic reminds me so much of a couple yrs ago when two of my siblings were at the Stollery, here in Alberta. Long story, but they were in a motor vehicle accident involving them and two of my other siblings. The other two were thankfully able to come home the next day. That bed is pretty much exactly where my mom slept for a long time; my brother's room even had a view like it. I know that was very hard, but I still can't imagine what it's like for you.

I'm glad you're making progress at least; it must be really hard, I can't even imagine, but this is one step closer to having this all behind you! Many hugs, AA. <3 :hug:


----------



## Northerngal

Hugs and prayers

My grandma fought cancer twice. But she pulled through and she's back to her old self, shoveling snow and working way too hard!

I pray that you and your family will find the strength you need to get through these trials. 


God bless you:Angel:


----------



## rambo99

@Acadianartist :hug::hug::hug: sounds like a horrible day for your son and you. Prayers tomorrow will go much much better, glad he's sleeping make sure you get some much need sleep too. Will keep your son & you in my prayers and will be thinking of you both tomorrow. Hugs lots of hugs stay strong and give your son a hug. I'm sure he's glad to have mom with him. 

Must of been horrible to see him in such pain and screaming an crying makes me hurt just reading about it. :hug:


----------



## JCnGrace

How horrible for the both of you! I think of you often as I'm going about the day trying to send positive vibes your way. I wish I could lend you a shoulder to lean on. Prayers continue and hugs, hang in there Acadian.


----------



## SueC

Acadianartist said:


> I've been eating a little better the last two days since my parents are here and there is so much food. But at the hospital, I find it hard to eat. For one thing, I don't like to leave his side (I sleep in his room) even though there is a cafeteria downstairs. You never know when the dr. are going to come by, and I've left to get food and come back to find that I missed an oncologist visit. But mostly, I just have zero appetite. I do think I will go back to my normal appetite once we get a handle on things and develop a new normal. I don't have much appetite to start with, and felt like I was carrying around a ton of bricks all the time for the first week or so.



Sorry about all this, @Acadianartist. :hug: On that particular point, in my early 30s I had a really stressful time when I was dropping weight because of zero appetite, and I ended up going to the chemist and getting a liquid food supplement that blends into milk and tastes like a vanilla milkshake. It had serious calories, all the essential amino acids, fatty acids, vitamins and minerals, and is usually used in supplementary geriatric feeding, but also in times of weight loss from stress and illness. It was basically a meal in a glass, similar to the stuff for people who are on nasogastric feeding, but actually a palatable version. I love milk products, so this stuff went down a treat, and I soon got my appetite back that way. The problem is, once you start dropping weight, your appetite will ironically decline - this helps with that issue. You can also make good smoothies with fruit and real yoghurt etc - it's often easier to drink than to chew, in those situations.


Thinking of you.


----------



## Acadianartist

All is well this morning. He has not reacted to any of the chemo drugs, is not feeling nauseous or anything so that's great. He is tired, and woke up around 8 am, then went back to sleep, but that's fine. He can sleep all he wants. He ate a pretty good meal around midnight last night (that's when the last chemo drug was going though), and slept reasonably well despite the numerous bells going off on his machine, and nurses coming and going all hours of the night. 

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, it really means a lot to have this much support from all over the world. Hopefully yesterday will not happen again. I like our nurse this morning - she even rides!!!  So you know she has to be good. The one from last night was awful. I bet she doesn't even like horses.  One of the oncologists here also rides. 

Onward and upward. Today should go well. He will remain attached to the iv, though he is just getting fluid now. They'll start another round of chemo at 3 today, but this one will only last a little over 4 hours rather than the 6-7 hours from yesterday so we should be done in good time. One more round tomorrow.

A bit of a situation with the horses at home - my husband texted me that my daughter put a fleece on Kodak last night because there was freezing rain. My horses have access to their stalls, but are not shut in, so I was envisioning Kodak standing outside (which is what she does regardless of weather) in a sopping wet fleece blanket. But it was midnight when my husband told me this, and he has never put on or removed a blanket on a horse (and Kodak's not a good horse to start him on). So I told him to shut Harley into the third stall and let Kodak and Rusty in the double stall. If Harley's not in there, the other two will hang out inside together. He did that, and all was well. Kodak was a bit wet, but not soaked. My daughter removed the fleece this morning and there appears to be no harm done. I guess I need another rainsheet (Harley was wearing the only one I have). Maybe something I'll do today or tomorrow since there are a couple of tack shops in this city. We'll see how my son feels. I don't like to leave the hospital.


----------



## mkmurphy81

I'm glad to hear that things are going better now. I'll keep praying for you both.


Tack shopping makes everyone feel better, right?


----------



## RegalCharm

Good to hear your son had a reasonably good night and things are going well. Hope you got a little sleep also. Good he is eating and no bad side effects from the chemo so far. 

Your Daughter and Husband handled the problems with the ponies good from the way it sounds. Hi 5's for them. 


Keep the updates coming when you can.


Prayers for all of you and the hospital staff.


----------



## rambo99

Glad to hear it's going better & so far no side effects from chemo for your son. You're daughter an hubby handled the horse situation great..yay 

Prayers for your entire family and hospital staff so all goes smoothly today.

Take care of yourself, lots of prayers & hugs sent your way!


----------



## aubie

Actually don't think going to a tack shop is a bad idea at all. If things continue this well of course. Shows your son confidence that all is going well. 

Mention it to him and let him say I'm fine go ahead. A way he can contribute.


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

Glad to hear that your nurse rides - I always immediately trust people who work with horses


----------



## QtrBel

Glad to see this update! Hope things continue to get better as he progresses through the treatment. Prayers said and continuing to be said.


----------



## Acadianartist

I didn't go to the tack shops because they're over half an hour away by car. I didn't want to be gone too long, or be too far away. I did take a walk down the street and found a place to buy myself a very comfortable pair of shoes for the hospital, a zip-up shirt for my son (makes it easier to access the port), and a few things we needed. Lovely day out there too. 

He's started his second day of chemo, but so far so good.


----------



## RegalCharm

Great you got some me time and fresh air.. Fingers crossed this second round goes as good as the first one with no side effects of the treatment. Is this the same medicine as the first one?


----------



## horselovinguy

Can you call the tack shop...
You know the size you need.... buy what you want and just have it either delivered by courier or beg a favor and ask that riding nurse to pick up a paid for package...
You don't have to leave the facility but you get what you need before you head for home. :|

I'm glad so far all is now progressing on good schedule.
Not to be a bearer of bad news but I will tell you this...
Chemo is a cumulative treatment and side effects add up over treatments done.
However, today there is no reason for their to be any nauseousness or discomfort for your son...those drugs needed to combat his particular recipe of drugs are readily on hand and just a second bag added on to his tree for dispensing into his body.

My mom had cancer and I watched what they did, who did what and I asked and questioned everything to learn how to best help her.
Her nurses were the very tops in the field, no joking....oncology nurses are cream-of-the-crop in caregivers.
There is a lot to be thankful for...a super supportive environment and staff who truly care will become second family to you all as your son battles and wins this one.
The staff care not only about the patient but about the patients family as one stressed can affect all.
Remember though you_* do *_need to get outside and move around some too as you are used to being active.
It _*is*_ good for your mental ability to cope...this is very hard on you too, more than you realize and getting out and away even for short periods of time is good for you...honest.
Give your son a cell phone and tell him...I'm outside the door. 10 minutes and I'll be back..and do that proving to him you will be there when you say if he is nervous being alone.
You're in this for a long haul...some self preservation for you to survive and be able to give so much of you to him is going to be needed...the staff will tell you nothing different.

_I'm glad your news is upbeat today..._
Your son will have good days and bad, you know that...you are the one needing to hold the constant even through the turbulence...
You're a strong women...remember to take care of her as her son needs her stability and strength right now along with all that extra love and acceptance. :hug:

_hlg.._


----------



## Acadianartist

RegalCharm said:


> Great you got some me time and fresh air.. Fingers crossed this second round goes as good as the first one with no side effects of the treatment. Is this the same medicine as the first one?


Yes, the same meds, minus a couple. So he's not getting anything new this time. That means it's unlikely his reaction will be different from yesterday.

As @horselovinguy points out, the effect is cumulative, and we expect it to get harder, but they wanted us here for the first one (as opposed to our home hospital) so they could observe and deal with any complications in terms of reactions to the drugs. Some people have an allergic reaction which requires immediate intervention (anaphylactic shock, for example), but that seems unlikely now. Others feel immediately nauseous, but they're being really careful to provide lots of anti-nausea meds before that sets in. He is eating well, sleeping well, having normal urine and bowel movements, normal temps, blood pressure, everything. So as I said, so far so good. We are here for another full day, and maybe tomorrow night as well so they can make sure he's fine before he goes home. Even if things get harder, the fact that this first treatment is going well helps to give us the strength to get through the next ones. 

Another reason I don't like to leave is that I always seem to miss visits from specialists so that's really frustrating. They're busy people, have unpredictable schedules, and I like to be here for any info they need to give out or receive. Today I missed a visit from a family friend. And my parents sent up a basket of goodies (phoned into the gift shop downstairs) so that was nice.


----------



## Whinnie

Wow, I've been off the grid and just saw this. I am so sorry you are all going through this.


----------



## WillfullyEccentric

I hope your kiddo makes a full and complete recovery and astonishes the doctors with how quickly he recovers. i


----------



## Northerngal

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew _their_ strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.







Isaiah 40:31

Come unto me, all _ye_ that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 







Matthew 11:28-29


I hope you find these verses encouraging I am praying for you all:hug:


----------



## Walkamile

Good to hear his body handled the first session well. Mine did too, but on the third one I was very ill. Turns out the anti nausea meds caused a major migraine effect! They switched me to a different one and all was well! Keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. From my experience it was more difficult on those that loved me then it was for me. I knew I felt strong and well. Will be 10 years this coming year that mine is in remission. Bless you and your son.


----------



## knightrider

You have been so much on my heart and in my mind and prayers. I hope things continue to go well. My friend sent me these photos and I hope that they give you a smile. You are the one who turned me on to Yoga with Adrienne, and I "do" her yoga a couple of times a week, thanks to you. This morning I found one I had never seen "Yoga for Equestrians" so I did it and it was really good. I love Yoga with Adrenne!


----------



## Acadianartist

Hahaha... thanks @knightrider! Those photos are great. I did see that Adriene has come out with a yoga for equestrians video and I hope to do it soon! I didn't think to bring my yoga mat to the hospital, but a few times when I felt I couldn't breathe, I did a few tree poses, and they help me to strangely calm down and re-centre myself. 

Yoga is awesome.


----------



## Alder

You must take care of yourself too AA. 



Can you plan an afternoon to spend with your horses, or go for a lesson with your daughter? I know how strong you have to be for your children, and you are a strong person, but give yourself some care too. 


I went through something similar but not as scary, and also aged 10 years and lost weight and wouldn't leave the hospital, so my thoughts are with you.


----------



## Acadianartist

Alder said:


> You must take care of yourself too AA.
> 
> 
> 
> Can you plan an afternoon to spend with your horses, or go for a lesson with your daughter? I know how strong you have to be for your children, and you are a strong person, but give yourself some care too.
> 
> 
> I went through something similar but not as scary, and also aged 10 years and lost weight and wouldn't leave the hospital, so my thoughts are with you.


Things will more or less be normal for the next few days (assuming we do get to go home tomorrow), so I'll have lots of time to be with the horses. My daughter and I have just been Snapchatting about riding on New Year's Day. I do look forward to horse/barn time!


----------



## RegalCharm

I do hope you and son get to go home today. It will be a relief for both of you to be back in familiar surroundings I am sure you horses will be glad to see you and your daughter and husband will have plenty of hugs for you both.


----------



## Acadianartist

It's 10 am, and we're still waiting to see the dr. so he can get discharged. So hard to wait. We have a 5 hour drive, so I'd like to head home soon.


----------



## greentree

I hope you get to leave soon! Safe travels home! All the best blessings for the new year!


----------



## aubie

Safe travels. I know yall look forward to being home.


----------



## PoptartShop

So sorry to hear this. Thoughts & prayers to you and your family. Be strong!


----------



## my2geldings

So sorry to hear about the news. Thank goodness it's one of the less awful ones-not that this is any better. We are lucky to live in Canada where healthcare is so great. I know with the amount of injuries and surgeries I have had, I would have never been able to afford care. 
Hopefully you made your drive home safely. Keep us posted on updates? Also can you PM me your address? thinking about your family hun-much love from Calgary.


----------



## rambo99

@Acadianartist did you get to finally go home today? Hope all is going well and your son keeps having no side effects from chemo. Prayers & cyber hugs sent your way. 

Happy New Year's to you and your family! Have a wonderful day!


----------



## Acadianartist

We're home, thanks so much all. I'm so exhausted, I'll keep this short. 

Tomorrow I'll write more. It's almost midnight here, and my son and I just want to sleep. Tomorrow is another day, and it is the year we beat cancer. 

Thanks for your thoughts, really. I just need to sleep now.


----------



## farmpony84

Is this going to be a weekly trip?


----------



## Acadianartist

farmpony84 said:


> Is this going to be a weekly trip?


No, we don't need to go back to that hospital for a month, barring any complications. His treatments will be done at a hospital 30 min. away from home from now on. They just wanted to do the first one there because they are better equipped to handle adverse reactions to the drugs and they wanted to see how it would go. 

It's nice to be home, but he has severe tooth and jaw pain today. I'm guessing it's a side-effect of the chemo. Hopefully it will go away soon since it's affecting his ability to eat. We've been feeding him soft food and smoothies all day.


----------



## Northerngal

Ya those long drives to the hospital suck when you live in rural communities, especially the distance from the family and friends who support you. Although I wouldn't move away from my home in the north country for anything even if the nearest Walmart is a 5 or 7 hour drive... that just means stock up till the wheels fall off up when you make it to the city!! Literally LOL we recently lost a bearing on the suburban wheel while in the city!:rofl:


I've been praying for you daily and don't plan to stop anytime soon! Warm wishes and a God blessed New Year!! :hug:


Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he _it is_ that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Deuteronomy 31:6


----------



## sarahfromsc

I am not online much any more due to my husband’s non treatable issue, so I just wanted to say I hope and pray you and your family come through with flying colors.


----------



## aubie

Good thoughts for you and your husband Sarah.


----------



## Acadianartist

sarahfromsc said:


> I am not online much any more due to my husband’s non treatable issue, so I just wanted to say I hope and pray you and your family come through with flying colors.


Sorry to hear this Sarah. My thoughts are with you as well. We are all so fragile. Every day is a gift. And I had a pretty good one today. I hope you have good days too.


----------



## rambo99

@Acadianartist hows your son feeling today? the tooth & jaw pain better today? Been thinking about You & your family, hugs & prayers still being sent your way. Hope you got in the news years day ride with your daughter. :cowboy:


----------



## Acadianartist

rambo99 said:


> @*Acadianartist* hows your son feeling today? the tooth & jaw pain better today? Been thinking about You & your family, hugs & prayers still being sent your way. Hope you got in the news years day ride with your daughter. :cowboy:


He's still having a lot of tooth, jaw, and general pain all over and in his bones, unfortunately, but the Tylenol is helping a bit. There is no infection going on, which is the important thing, but hopefully he won't have this pain all the time. He really is pretty miserable. 

Today he went in for his shot of Neulasta. This drug helps him fight off infections, especially pneumonia, during chemo. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw the price tag. $2779. That is not a typo. Nearly 3000$ for a drug that he will be getting at least four times (that's 4 x 3000$) during his treatment. 100% covered by my drug plan. I have never been so grateful to work where I do. 

We didn't ride New Year's Day because there was a snow storm. We don't let too much stop us, but when the snow is driving sideways, it's a little unpleasant, so we postponed to today. We had an AWESOME ride! The minute my butt slid into that saddle, I melted. You know that feeling when you haven't ridden in a long time (it's only been a little over 2 weeks, but that's a long time for us), and you get in the saddle, and it all comes rushing back? It was just amazing. DD wanted to ride Rusty today, because they're working on suppling at her lessons, and she wanted to see if she could get Rusty to lift his back. She did! They looked great together. I rode Harley who is like riding a Ferrarri. All the buttons, and the slightest movement gets an immediate reaction from him. We mostly trotted in the snow (there is still a bit of ice under the snow in some places), but my daughter really wanted to try cantering on Rusty, so I let her canter on a few straight lines where the footing was good. Then, we did a trail ride in the snow. The fresh snow from yesterday is still on the trees. It was a magical sight - I wish I had had my camera! But it was truly good for the soul for me to get out. Harley was a gentleman, as always. And I feel 100% better. 

Tomorrow is a day off for my son, but I'm going to do a bit of homework with him so he can go to school on Monday. Friday he gets another round of some of the chemo meds. I hope it won't be too bad.


----------



## horselovinguy

Acadianartist said:


> He's still having a lot of tooth, jaw, and general pain all over and in his bones, unfortunately, but the Tylenol is helping a bit. There is no infection going on, which is the important thing, but hopefully he won't have this pain all the time. He really is pretty miserable.
> 
> Today he went in for his shot of Neulasta. This drug helps him fight off infections, especially pneumonia, during chemo. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw the price tag. $2779. That is not a typo. Nearly 3000$ for a drug that he will be getting at least four times (that's 4 x 3000$) during his treatment. 100% covered by my drug plan. I have never been so grateful to work where I do.



Sounds like he is already having some of those side effects Acadian...
Making a call in to his oncologist for a prescription pain reducer so he can rest if you haven't got it might be something to think about for him.


If you think the price for Neulasta is high...
You have not seen his chemo drug costs...
My moms treatment drug for the cheaper one was over $5000 per infusion..
Sit down when you open those statements on what was just paid out...
Illness can and does destroy families forever....you're beginning to see the tip of the iceberg in why having good medical is so important...
You know that already though...


Glad you got to ride, had a great time and are now finding the routine to slide back into...
Bumps in the road to recovery are expected as long as you don't have to make major detours anymore...:wink:
Everyone is asking about your son/you....how is your daughter and husband doing with all this?

:runninghorse2:...


----------



## rambo99

Glad you and your daughter got to go for a ride,you so needed that horse time. Sorry to hear your son is in so much pain sending cyber hugs and lots of prayers that his pain eases up. Yikes the drugs are expensive good thing the insurance paid for it. Take care of yourself make sure your daughter & husband are doing ok with all that's going on....hugs for them also.


----------



## RegalCharm

@sarahfromsc prayers for your husband and you.


----------



## gunslinger

I'm looking for this thread to take a turn for the better.....


Still praying for you both....


----------



## Acadianartist

horselovinguy said:


> Sounds like he is already having some of those side effects Acadian...
> Making a call in to his oncologist for a prescription pain reducer so he can rest if you haven't got it might be something to think about for him.
> 
> 
> If you think the price for Neulasta is high...
> You have not seen his chemo drug costs...
> My moms treatment drug for the cheaper one was over $5000 per infusion..
> Sit down when you open those statements on what was just paid out...
> Illness can and does destroy families forever....you're beginning to see the tip of the iceberg in why having good medical is so important...
> You know that already though...
> 
> 
> Glad you got to ride, had a great time and are now finding the routine to slide back into...
> Bumps in the road to recovery are expected as long as you don't have to make major detours anymore...:wink:
> Everyone is asking about your son/you....how is your daughter and husband doing with all this?
> 
> :runninghorse2:...


Have already talked to the oncologist. Other than admitting him and giving morphine, they don't consider the pain to be severe enough to require anything other than Tylenol atm, but have told us we can up the dose from the over-the-counter directions if we need to. He's ok, just unhappy. Hopefully this will go away soon. As long as it's not an infection of some sort, they aren't too worried.

As for costs, chemo here is 100% covered for everyone. I'll never know how much it cost, anymore than I would know how much my dr. bills each time I go visit. There are no statements. We just go to the dr. and they treat us. I do know that if I had to pay for this out of pocket, I'd be remortgaging my house right now, so I'm truly grateful. And this is why I have never complained about paying taxes. It's the price we pay for peace of mind when something like this happens. The injection is another story. There is another, cheaper option, but it means a shot every day. This is much more money, but less needles. Not sure what the daily shot costs, but I am beginning to understand why some families need fundraisers. The folks at the IWK were a little surprised that my insurance plan covers it, so that tells me not all insurance plans do. Then again, my plan didn't cover very much of my daughter's braces, so I guess they deem that non-essential. 

Husband is doing as well as could be expected. It's hard for him, not being at the hospital with my son, feeling helpless. But honestly, it's better that I do it. He doesn't like needles, hospitals, and finds it harder to keep things organized. Right now, it's almost a full-time job keeping my son's treatment calendar organized, getting him all his meds several times a day, making sure he's eating, etc. Luckily, I have a flexible schedule and an understanding employer. 

DD is a tough cookie. Hard to say how she feels. She has to be worried, and feeling the stress. But we have tried hard to keep her life normal. She has not missed a riding lesson or a social event since this all started. This is why we don't go together when my son needs to go out of town for treatments. We feel it's just as important to have one parent stay behind with our daughter. Both are kids need us. I've talked to her lots though, and we don't hide anything from our kids anyway, so they know they can ask all the questions they want and we'll be honest.

Today, my son got his hair cut really short in preparation for what should start in the next few days - losing it all. That was hard to watch. He has such a thick head of hair. But I know it will all grow back.


----------



## Hondo

RE: but he has severe tooth and jaw pain today


Comment: As this was read a memory appeared of a friend that had tooth and jaw pain from the stress of clenched teeth and jaw.


Just thought I'd mention it.


His taste for certain foods may change if they haven't already. I know mine sure did.


----------



## Acadianartist

Hondo said:


> RE: but he has severe tooth and jaw pain today
> 
> 
> Comment: As this was read a memory appeared of a friend that had tooth and jaw pain from the stress of clenched teeth and jaw.
> 
> 
> Just thought I'd mention it.
> 
> 
> His taste for certain foods may change if they haven't already. I know mine sure did.


Yes, I thought of that @Hondo. He may not realize he's doing it. Heck, I have tooth and jaw pain right now from grinding my teeth at night. I do it when I'm stressed. 

His taste hasn't changed yet, but his appetite has decreased because of the tooth pain. Or maybe because of everything, it's hard to say.


----------



## aubie

I know I keep saying it but thank you for updating. i know we all keep clicking and checking.


----------



## rambo99

Acadianartist said:


> Have already talked to the oncologist. Other than admitting him and giving morphine, they don't consider the pain to be severe enough to require anything other than Tylenol atm, but have told us we can up the dose from the over-the-counter directions if we need to. He's ok, just unhappy. Hopefully this will go away soon. As long as it's not an infection of some sort, they aren't too worried.
> 
> As for costs, chemo here is 100% covered for everyone. I'll never know how much it cost, anymore than I would know how much my dr. bills each time I go visit. There are no statements. We just go to the dr. and they treat us. I do know that if I had to pay for this out of pocket, I'd be remortgaging my house right now, so I'm truly grateful. And this is why I have never complained about paying taxes. It's the price we pay for peace of mind when something like this happens. The injection is another story. There is another, cheaper option, but it means a shot every day. This is much more money, but less needles. Not sure what the daily shot costs, but I am beginning to understand why some families need fundraisers. The folks at the IWK were a little surprised that my insurance plan covers it, so that tells me not all insurance plans do. Then again, my plan didn't cover very much of my daughter's braces, so I guess they deem that non-essential.
> 
> Husband is doing as well as could be expected. It's hard for him, not being at the hospital with my son, feeling helpless. But honestly, it's better that I do it. He doesn't like needles, hospitals, and finds it harder to keep things organized. Right now, it's almost a full-time job keeping my son's treatment calendar organized, getting him all his meds several times a day, making sure he's eating, etc. Luckily, I have a flexible schedule and an understanding employer.
> 
> DD is a tough cookie. Hard to say how she feels. She has to be worried, and feeling the stress. But we have tried hard to keep her life normal. She has not missed a riding lesson or a social event since this all started. This is why we don't go together when my son needs to go out of town for treatments. We feel it's just as important to have one parent stay behind with our daughter. Both are kids need us. I've talked to her lots though, and we don't hide anything from our kids anyway, so they know they can ask all the questions they want and we'll be honest.
> 
> Today, my son got his hair cut really short in preparation for what should start in the next few days - losing it all. That was hard to watch. He has such a thick head of hair. But I know it will all grow back.


You are one strong awesome mom. God bless your family . I check this thread daily sometimes several times a day. 

Chemo does cause decreased appetite...my mom had that issue when she was getting chemo. Hard to eat when not hungry.


----------



## Northerngal

Yes health care is so often taken for granted until something happens... and often even then. The smallest things that we go to the doctor for, they all cost money. And then we complain about taxes...:???:

Thank you for keeping us updated

Take care! Hugs and prayers to you and yours & God bless:hug:

Fear thou not; for I _am_ with thee: be not dismayed; for I _am_ thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. *Isaiah 41:10*


----------



## Chevaux

Just an FYI on the hair loss thing, Acadian — when my friend took her treatment it did leave but it came back thick, curly and finer than her old hair (sort of like baby hair & felt really neat to touch); the curly part was a surprise too as her previous hair was not.


----------



## Acadianartist

Chevaux said:


> Just an FYI on the hair loss thing, Acadian — when my friend took her treatment it did leave but it came back thick, curly and finer than her old hair (sort of like baby hair & felt really neat to touch); the curly part was a surprise too as her previous hair was not.


Yes, I know. Many have told me it grew back curly. I sort of hope not, because it will be messy. They also told us that in some rare cases, the hair doesn't fall out completely, just thins quite a bit since the number of chemo treatments is less than it used to be (different drugs, more intense?). But we're preparing for complete baldness. My husband bought him some head covers with his favorite football team logos on them so he can wear them at school. That should help.

Today, I am taking my daughter shopping. I promised her we'd do this for a while, and since today is a day off, it's a good time to do it. I may try to sneak in a quick trail on Rusty later. He loves trails so much, it's very motivating to ride him. But I need to get my son going on some of his homework too so I may not have time.


----------



## Hondo

RE: Today, my son got his hair cut really short in preparation for what should start in the next few days - losing it all. That was hard to watch. He has such a thick head of hair. But I know it will all grow back.


Comment: I decided to be goofy and make a game of it. When my hair started showing up on the towel after showering, I waited until the perfect moment in our friday safety meeting and exclaimed, "That makes me so mad I could pull my hair out", and to everyone's astonishment I reached up and pulled out a large handful with everyone looking at me.


In case yall don't know, which by now you probably do, chemo kills rapidly dividing cells in the body. The hair cells and stomach lining is the most rapidly dividing cells in the body and that's the reason they are so affected by chemo.


I could not drink milk or coffee, two of my main staples, but found I could drink them together half and half with lots of sweet and low.


Once getting coffee in Stanford's Oncology Department I was dumping a large quantity of Sweet and Low in my coffee when a doctor walked by. I mentioned I was surprised they had Sweet and Low and asked if they were trying to drum up business. He laughed and said, "Aren't you glad you're not a rat?"


So, to the extent possible, and when possible, have fun with it.


As the Readers Digest says, "Laughter is the best medicine". Is that magazine still around?


----------



## QtrBel

@Hondo "As the Readers Digest says, "Laughter is the best medicine". Is that magazine still around?"


Oh. yes! And large print too. Much needed in my parents household.


----------



## Acadianartist

Haha... that's awesome @Hondo! Unfortunately, jokes don't always go over well. He's still feeling a lot of pain, so not really in the mood for jokes, and for some strange reason, he doesn't find his mom to be the funniest. 

Last night he tried to work out. That did not end well. He came upstairs out of breath and feeling sick to his stomach (I was at the barn, so I didn't even know he was doing it). He obviously overdid it. He came to talk to me about it later on in the evening to describe his symptoms. He said he felt fine while he was working out, but then all of a sudden his energy tanked and he almost felt like he could faint. So I told him that today, I would start looking for a trainer who could work with him to adjust his workout routine. Hoping to find someone who has experience with athletes going through something like this, but still wanting to stay in shape. Not sure where to start, but I'll make a few calls. 

He's also starting to bloat up a bit from the steroids. His face looks rounder, and he's getting a tummy. We were warned about that though, and we know it's just temporary, but it's not going to help his body image.


----------



## Hondo

I gained quite a bit of weight but as I recall that does not always happen. I continued my work, which was not physical, all through my chemo. I had quite a lot of sick days and vacation accumulated and used that to take a couple of extra hours off at noon. The city did not have to hire a replacement and I did not have to suffer income loss so it was win win.


As I recall, it was a couple of months into the treatment before I started taking time off. I continued riding dirt bikes throughout and even competed in one event although I did not do well as I fatigued more easily. .


At one point my whites fell too low for treatment without a daily shot to keep them boosted. Rather than drive the 20 mile round trip to an adjacent town, I learned to give them to myself at noon which kept my monthly treatments uninterrupted.


Things will change. It'll be a process.


I guess I was directing my comments about humor to your son rather than you. It was my own wacky joking that tended to help me, not the joking of others, which I don't recall anyone doing, other than a couple of oncology nurses that got to know me well enough to know I'd enjoy it.


One weekend after a long ride without the proper gear on my tush I wound up with some pretty large scabs on my tush which dirtbikers and some bicyclist refer to as "Monkey Butt" from the monkeys in zoos backends. 



The next Monday my oncologist was drilling my pelvic bone for samples and exclaimed, "What happened to you!".


And I explained in detail about monkey butt and that there was even a book with that title. After that the nurses would get a big smile when I arrived saying, "Here comes Monkey Butt".


Gotta have fun!


----------



## Acadianartist

I reached out to his provincial football team manager who is putting me in contact with the team trainer so we can hopefully find someone who can help keep my son active during his treatments. Everyone is being very helpful. They may also be able to keep him involved in the provincial team even if he can't play, so that's great! I won't say anything to him about it just yet, and I'm not even sure how he'll feel about it. 

When we were at the hospital, they told us he would be able to get a wish. Knowing he's a big Dallas Cowboys fan, the oncologist suggested he could go to a game. My son said he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be treated differently. I suggested he wait a bit before making a decision, that it could be a nice reward at the end of all his treatments. But we will respect his preferences for declining the wish if that's what he wants. I get it. He wants to see a Dallas game someday, but on his own terms, not as a special "sick kid" treatment.


----------



## Cordillera Cowboy

Hugs and prayers for y'all. We've had a few members of our family battle cancer. All but my father in law survived and are doing well now. That includes one with Hodgkins. That fellow went on to finish a 20 year career in the military. 


Tell your son we're all pulling for him, and to keep fighting.


----------



## Hondo

RE: He doesn't want to be treated differently.


Comment: This was a VERY big deal to me. May even be why I had a tendency to joke about it to ward off any drama towards me. My oncologist offered me disability and stuff but I insisted what I wanted was to continue working.


My sister, bless her heart, wanted to come live with me so I would have somebody in the house when I got up and was angry and hurt when I rejected that notion out of hand.


That would have been over the top special treatment. Plus sometimes when I felt bad, I WANTED to be alone.


So I understand clearly where your son is coming from. Just don't do too much. Do what he would like for you to do, nothing more.


That's not meant as a directive to you for certain, just how I felt at the time. And your son certainly may differ in areas from me. Just my own personal perspective.


----------



## Acadianartist

Yes, I totally get that @Hondo, because that's how I am too. I just want to be left alone, not be treated differently. So I get it, but of course, as a mother, it's hard to know when to jump in, and when to let him do things on his own. 

This morning, I told him he could make his own breakfast. He said yep, no problem. But he still hasn't eaten anything and it's 10:30 (he only got up around 9)... I figure he will when he gets hungry enough.


----------



## carshon

I am sitting here in amazement at your candid posts @Acadianartist - they are awe inspriring just because of the strength you are showing - as a parent I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and heart ache you are feeling Although at this point in time thoughts and prayers bring little comfort, I continue to offer them up for your family.

Stay strong but know that strength does not necessarily mean that you cannot cry or grieve. We are here for you.


----------



## SueC

Continued thoughts and well-wishes for you, your son and the rest of your family, @*Acadianartist* . :hug: And I just wanted to say I love reading all these response posts because of the way people are pulling together and being supportive and wonderful, and making sure you're not feeling alone on this rough stretch of the road. _All y'all_ rock! 


PS: Thanks to the 40+ crowd for the language lesson! ;-)


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @carshon, but I don't know where you're getting that I'm strong. I just am. I get up, I do what has to be done, I try to make the best of it. If I'm candid, it's partly because this forum has kind of become a place for me to go so I can talk about what's going on without violating my son's privacy on social media sites where he would be easily identifiable, like Facebook. He's 15 so he has a right to that privacy. But it means I can't talk about what's happening to most people, or I have to clean it up a bit. Here, I feel like I can share. That is a HUGE help to me right now. @SueC is right - this forum is amazing. As much as we tend to argue, and sometimes get into heated debates, when something like this happens, people are really supportive. 

So thanks to all of you. Really, it means a lot to me right now. I have to run now, but will come back with an update tonight.


----------



## Pamom42

*Chemotherapy*

My niece’s oldest son was treated for a brain tumor at 6, and is doing very well 2 years later. We are grateful for modern medical science. Try to have positive thoughts and energy. Sorry for lack of detail, but I am just heading out. Best wishes for your son’s recovery.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @Pamom42. Those stories are always uplifting! 

Today was good. He got his Day 8 chemo. The port access went well this time, to our great relief. It's still not fun, but this nurse is really good. The chemo itself went well, but at the end, he started feeling very ill. Nauseous, and a lot of pain everywhere. I gave him a Tylenol, but it barely made a dent. When we got home, he was in bad shape. He had a slight fever (37.4), but not high enough to bring him in. So at the next dose, I convinced him to take two extra-strength Tylenol. That really helped, and he's feeling fine now. He doesn't want to take more pain meds than the bottle says, but the oncologists told me expressly that he could double the dose occasionally. I figured right after a treatment is a good time. 

He plans on going to school Monday. We'll see how things go from there. He's gained about a kg from the steroids, but now that he's off them for a couple of weeks, it may go away. The important thing is that we get through this anyway. 

So all is well, and I hope to sneak in a ride soon...


----------



## lostastirrup

I can't believe I just now this thread. Praying for your son And your family.


----------



## Northerngal

My thoughts and prayers continue to go out for you acadian! And I agree with carshon, you are a very strong mom! Many people would cave under the stress you're going through. 
I hope you get a chance for a good ride, I've always thought horses were good stress relievers whether riding or just being with them  :gallop:


"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God _is_ with thee whithersoever thou goest" Joshua 1:9


----------



## Acadianartist

He's doing well today. Did a bit of homework, but found it hard to concentrate. I assume this is yet another side-effect of chemo. He should be losing his hair anytime now. 

Some of my relatives want to get together and buy him a Nintendo Switch to keep him busy during treatments. I don't know anything about them, and have no idea if he'd even like that. I'm not sure how to respond... 

I got out to ride this morning. It was amazing! I just brushed Rusty quickly, tacked him up, led him outside the barn, and hopped on. No warm-up in the ring, nothing complicated. Just hop on and go right through the snow. We did the usual loop around our property, and decided to try out a new trail. You can see in the video I took how Rusty looks down every trail, hoping we'll go exploring! So we went across the frozen brook, into the back pasture, then beyond to the adjacent unoccupied property. When we got to the wide open field, he got very excited, and trotted a bit. We headed back home, and he behaved perfectly, even when Harley and Kodak ran to the fence to meet us. It was just what I needed to recharge my batteries, and I look forward to doing lots more exploring with him.


----------



## Walkamile

Acadianartist glad your son had a better day. Yes, some of us experienced what they call "chemo brain". Mine has stayed with me, but that could be age too! Poor attempt at humor....


Love Rusty's spots on each ear! Trail looked magical and I am so happy for you and the boost you needed to recharge! 



Keeping you, your son and your family in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## egrogan

Continued good thoughts for you son. And I love Rusty’s awesome forward walk!


----------



## SwissMiss

What a lovely ride on Rusty. Perfect to recharge your batteries!
Can't help you with info on a Switch. Does your son normally like to play video games? It would for sure help pass some time...


Continued thoughts coming your way :hug:


----------



## waresbear

I love his spots on each ear. I too, have no idea what a Nintendo whatever is


----------



## SueC

:rofl: @waresbear! It sounds like a town in Japan to me. Or maybe a martial art. Or maybe a neurological disease. :Angel:


----------



## Acadianartist

Hahahaha @SueC

The Nintendo Switch is a portable game console. Like a supercharged DS (my kids used to have those when they were all the rage). I looked it up. 

I gave my relatives the go-ahead to buy him one. He doesn't play a lot of video games normally, because he's usually training and playing football. Unfortunately, when he is getting treatments, there's very little for him to do. He gets really bored. Also, now that his treatments are in town, his friends can come visit. I am picturing some awkward moments as teenage boys sit in a hospital room, staring at iv lines. So I figure if he has one of these (they come with detachable controls, and you can have up to four for multi-player use), they can all play in his room. Because he's technically in pediatrics, he gets his own private room for chemo so we'll just close the door and let the boys have fun. I was really unsure about it at first, but my relatives want so badly to do something... and I do think that this is not a bad idea. It might make his friends want to visit more. He can also play with people remotely (they can play the same game from home and he can join in). They're crazy expensive, but like I said, my relatives really want to help so why not I guess.

And yes, @egrogan, Rusty has a really forward walk. He's so much fun on trails. I know I keep saying that, but I appreciate him so much after dealing with a horse that hates trails (Harley) and one that spooks at everything (Kodak). He's a bit ADD on trails, looking all over the place, lol. He does settle in after the first 10 minutes or so. I wish I had gotten a photo or video of when we went over the big hill behind our property. There is a spectacular view, but he started getting very excited so I figured I'd better focus on him. I'll head out there again soon and see if I can get a nice shot. I am already planning all the new trails we're going to explore next summer! If I wasn't so broke, I'd buy him right now. But it will have to wait a couple of months... so technically, he's still on trial until spring.


----------



## LoriF

I think that the video game idea is a great one and it will keep his friends coming. That's how kids are, in the toughest of times, they still want to have fun. 

I love rusty's matching ear spots and the scenery is beautiful. It reminds me of when I used to ride with my friends in MN. Kind of wish I didn't hate being cold so much. 

I know that money can be tight in situations like these but you have to have Rusty, he's perfect for you.


----------



## Acadianartist

LoriF said:


> I know that money can be tight in situations like these but you have to have Rusty, he's perfect for you.


Thanks for saying that. I kind of feel selfish about it. We got the bill for finishing the third stall and it was higher than expected. Things will be tight for the next little while, but then it will be over, and I am due for a promotion next summer, my daughter's braces will be paid off, so I will get caught up eventually. I just feel like if I don't keep Rusty, I will really regret it when my son is all better and our lives are back to normal. He's so perfect for me right now, and is a great long-term investment since he's only 6 and has many decades left of great riding! I do need to work on a bit of training with him, but I figure that can wait until summer too.


----------



## SwissMiss

LoriF said:


> I know that money can be tight in situations like these but you have to have Rusty, he's perfect for you.


I was just thinking yesterday, Rusty came in your life at the time when you needed him :blueunicorn:


----------



## Walkamile

^^^^^This!


----------



## SueC

@*Acadianartist* , good to see you back on the horse. :charge:
Because laughing increases your endorphin levels, improves immunity and promotes healing, I have a couple of favourite links for you. The first is _very mean_ music jokes:

https://www.osbornmusic.com/jokes.html

The second mixes existentialist philosophy with cookery:

The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Continued best wishes for your family. :hug:


@*Walkamile* , if I've not said it before I know I thought it: That signature motto of yours makes me :rofl:!


----------



## Northerngal

I'm glad to see you got a chance to ride! These days it seems like I never get the time to ride like I used to, but I enjoy going out visit with the herd every day! Rusty's a good looking fella! I'm glad you have him, trail rides are my personal favourite especially when the snowy winter scenes make it look so mystical




SueC;1970659353
@[B said:


> Walkamile[/B] , if I've not said it before I know I thought it: That signature motto of yours makes me :rofl:!


I was just thinking the same thing!:lol:


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @SueC! I really liked the Jean-Paul Sartre cookbook, having taught Huis Clos (translation: No Exit) several times. Good stuff.


----------



## Walkamile

Thank [email protected] SueC ;and @Northerngal, my family feel it fits me well! LOL


Acadianartist, hoping you can get in a nice ride again very soon! So good for your morale! Hope your son feels well to go to school today and that it boosts his morale also!


----------



## Acadianartist

Yep, he's off to school this morning, and I feel a bit like a mom sending her 5 year old to his first day of kindergarten. But his teachers have all been filled in, he took his meds this morning (his teeth and head still hurt), and I will be close to a phone all day just in case. 

Meantime, I will try to get caught up on a few work projects, and call some personal trainers to see if we can find someone to work with him and develop a new, adapted training routine. Not sure whether we should use a physiotherapist or a personal trainer... or what either entails financially. So I'll make some calls to find out what services each can offer.

I keep thinking back to the moment we found out. How the doctor took me in a different room to tell me, and how my son looked at me with pleading, questioning eyes when I came back in. I don't think I'll ever forget that look. For now, he's strong, but I worry about how bad he's going to feel by the 3rd and 4th treatments, and how these drugs are a form of torture. I worry that there will come a time when he'd rather die than have to go through another round of chemo. And that I'll have to hold him up somehow, and convince him that it will all be worth it in the end, and watch him suffer for weeks on end. 

Sorry... not exactly happy thoughts are they? I should focus instead on watching him go back to the football field next fall, and how proud we will all be of him in that moment.


----------



## carshon

@Acadianartist The video or you on Rusty was great! I don't envy you the cold but do envy having nice trails close to home and snow instead of mud and ice!

Your post about sending your son to school brought tears to my eyes. I hope for his sake that the chemo is as kind as it can be. I have seen some people that tolerate it really well and although they do have the typical chemo symptoms are still able to lead a fairly normal life. That is my wish for your son.

And for you and your husband and daughter I wish for some normalcy and joy in your lives during this tough time. Horses have a way to heal the soul and I could not agree more that Rusty came into your life now for a reason and I am so glad he did.


----------



## RegalCharm

Acadianartist said:


> Yep, he's off to school this morning, and I feel a bit like a mom sending her 5 year old to his first day of kindergarten. But his teachers have all been filled in, he took his meds this morning (his teeth and head still hurt), and I will be close to a phone all day just in case.
> 
> Meantime, I will try to get caught up on a few work projects, and call some personal trainers to see if we can find someone to work with him and develop a new, adapted training routine. Not sure whether we should use a physiotherapist or a personal trainer... or what either entails financially. So I'll make some calls to find out what services each can offer.
> 
> I keep thinking back to the moment we found out. How the doctor took me in a different room to tell me, and how my son looked at me with pleading, questioning eyes when I came back in. I don't think I'll ever forget that look. For now, he's strong, but I worry about how bad he's going to feel by the 3rd and 4th treatments, and how these drugs are a form of torture. I worry that there will come a time when he'd rather die than have to go through another round of chemo. And that I'll have to hold him up somehow, and convince him that it will all be worth it in the end, and watch him suffer for weeks on end.
> 
> Sorry... not exactly happy thoughts are they? I should focus instead on watching him go back to the football field next fall, and how proud we will all be of him in that moment.



You are having a normal reaction sending your son back to school. So yea, it is like starting school for the first time and worrying on how he will do. But he gets back with his friends and joking, talking about sports, girls, with them and what ever teenagers do these days I think will help keep his mind busy.

Thinking about when you first found out about his cancer and going through that day is probably what all do but you are thinking and planning the future actions that may pop up and are getting a plan in place so that is being proactive and staying ahead of the game. Like a chess game, you have to think ahead a number of moves depending on how the opponent plays.

Think of life like driving on an interstate hi way. Every body is cruising along at a nice steady speed and getting to their destination. their will be traffic slow downs and then speed back up again but there might also be detours you have to take. Really slows down getting to the destination, but in the end you still arrive where you are going. just took a little longer to get there safe and sound.


Don't worry about not sounding cheerful all the time. Do what you are doing and just write you feelings we all understand. We are here for you to lean on' when you need it.


People say to me, " How Are You Doing?" I just reply I opened my eyes up this morning and am still putting one foot in front of the other. :biggrin: And at my age, as much as I have used and abused this ol body that is a miracle in and of it's self. 

God Bless.


----------



## LoriF

Acadianartist said:


> I should focus instead on watching him go back to the football field next fall, and how proud we will all be of him in that moment.



YES, definitely this


----------



## Change

AA - I know very well the feelings and emotions you are feeling; especially the denial that you are strong - just a mother doing what a mother does. My youngest son was diagnosed with kidney disease when he was 2 1/2. The terror you feel at first, then the insatiable desire to learn everything possible about the disease, questioning the doctors, wondering if something you did or didn't do might have made him susceptible, wishing it was you instead of him. Trying to do too much and be there every second, just in case. 

Just as you need your you time (and the horses) he will need you to learn when to be a loving mom and when to be a stone. When he's in the bathroom on his knees retching because there's nothing left to come up he'll either want your comfort or want to be left alone, and you will have to sit in the front room pretending to watch TV. It can be done. It must be done.

In time you will find equilibrium and a new normal.

I'm not going to pretend it will be easy, but you'll do fine and you and your family will come through this. How do I know? Because you are a Mom.

We're all here for you. If I'd had a forum like this when my son got sick, I'd have spent a lot less time screaming at the stars. 

Love and good vibes winging north.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @Change. Sorry you had to go through something so hard when your son was so young. I hope he's all better. 

Yes, we'll do what we have to do. One foot in front of the other.


----------



## knightrider

My daughter says for sure to get him the Nintendo Switch. She says it is a lot of fun. I love the ear spots on Rusty too. I didn't realize he had those. Adorable.


----------



## Acadianartist

knightrider said:


> My daughter says for sure to get him the Nintendo Switch. She says it is a lot of fun. I love the ear spots on Rusty too. I didn't realize he had those. Adorable.


My relatives have already raised enough money to buy him the console, extra controllers, a carry case, a couple of games, and who knows what else (I know nothing of these things). So he will have it soon.

Today was a tough day at school for him. He had to leave class a couple of times to lie down. He also had blood taken this afternoon, and they tell us his immune system is pretty low. Not unexpected, but it's a little early on for that. They say he can still go to school, but that he should be cautious. He wants to play squash with his friends after school tomorrow. Gahhh... I'm not going to tell him not to, but I'm pretty sure he's going to push himself too hard and feel sick after. I guess he has to find his own limitations.


----------



## Walkamile

Yes @Acadianartistthat is part of the new learning curve for your son. What is too much and when is it too much. He will figure it out, but at a cost, and you will let him, within reason.


I was so determined to not be treated differently that I pushed too much. I was not going to let chemo determine what I could do. Well, it was a humbling learning experience. Chemo dictates. I learned my chemo cycles and what was possible and when. Fortunately the hay was brought in by my hubby and me when I was in an up cycle and the next treatment was 3 days afterward. I felt like myself even though I had to completely cover myself to avoid the sun. One of the side effects for me was feeling like a vampire in the sunlight....ready to burst into flames!


Today sounded like a good day for your son, even with the new adjustments. One day at a time. Sending strong vibes to you both.


----------



## SueC

Acadianartist said:


> Thanks @*SueC* ! I really liked the Jean-Paul Sartre cookbook, having taught Huis Clos (translation: No Exit) several times. Good stuff.


We're in stitches at our place every time we read that. :rofl: For me personally, I think it's a reaction to reading _Nausea_ in my 20s. I expected so much from it, and yet was sorely disappointed. Existential void my hindquarters. That only happens if you don't _make_ meaning with your own life, which all of us are free to do, no matter what our spiritual beliefs may or may not be. Was even Sartre looking for someone to hand him an instruction manual on a silver platter? Too much navelgazing in his French apartment, not enough volunteering in soup kitchens was my gut reaction to his book. I may be harsh here and would welcome your comments on the topic, since you appear to have delved into it deeper than I did! 




Acadianartist said:


> I keep thinking back to the moment we found out. How the doctor took me in a different room to tell me, and how my son looked at me with pleading, questioning eyes when I came back in. I don't think I'll ever forget that look. For now, he's strong, but I worry about how bad he's going to feel by the 3rd and 4th treatments, and how these drugs are a form of torture. I worry that there will come a time when he'd rather die than have to go through another round of chemo. And that I'll have to hold him up somehow, and convince him that it will all be worth it in the end, and watch him suffer for weeks on end.
> 
> Sorry... not exactly happy thoughts are they? I should focus instead on watching him go back to the football field next fall, and how proud we will all be of him in that moment.


It sounds like a normal, healthy reaction to a potentially life-threatening, and certainly traumatic, situation to me. :hug: It's good to look at positive, constructive things you can do and be, but it's also important to let yourself think about and deal with the sad things and the dark things, because to completely repress them would actually make it worse. When you're thinking about it like you're describing, your cerebrum is talking to the more instinctive and emotional parts of your brain which deal with perceived threats to survival, and you're sort of holding hands with the part of you that's scared. I always envisage it as the adult part of me giving the frightened child part of me a good hug, and listening carefully to her, and acknowledging her feelings and fears as real and valid. And then I make an action plan with her! ;-) Sort of like, "Yes, this is scary and it's normal to feel all these things, and now we're going to do something about it to make things better!" And brainstorm, and then get active. But each time the frightened child part is sitting discouraged in a corner, do go and sit with her. :hug:

Not a fair world or an unfair world, just a world, and just playing the cards that come up. We're all travelling on the same boat. Best wishes to you, and have fun riding! :cowboy:

PS: I like this saying: _ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain._


----------



## SueC

Change said:


> AA - I know very well the feelings and emotions you are feeling; especially the denial that you are strong - just a mother doing what a mother does. My youngest son was diagnosed with kidney disease when he was 2 1/2. The terror you feel at first, then the insatiable desire to learn everything possible about the disease, questioning the doctors, wondering if something you did or didn't do might have made him susceptible, wishing it was you instead of him. Trying to do too much and be there every second, just in case.
> 
> Just as you need your you time (and the horses) he will need you to learn when to be a loving mom and when to be a stone. When he's in the bathroom on his knees retching because there's nothing left to come up he'll either want your comfort or want to be left alone, and you will have to sit in the front room pretending to watch TV. It can be done. It must be done.
> 
> In time you will find equilibrium and a new normal.
> 
> I'm not going to pretend it will be easy, but you'll do fine and you and your family will come through this. How do I know? Because you are a Mom.
> 
> We're all here for you. If I'd had a forum like this when my son got sick, I'd have spent a lot less time screaming at the stars.
> 
> Love and good vibes winging north.


This is such an excellent post.  And I didn't know that, @*Change* . I wish we could have been there. The stars are very silent. :shock: Here's a big retrospective :hug: for you, and I'm glad you've come through all that. 

A serious question for you. A very very dear friend has a DH with kidney disease who's now up to the dialysis stage and not quite up to the transplant stage. He's in his 30s and it runs in the family. Did your son end up having a transplant? Do you have any advice for people dealing with this situation?


----------



## Acadianartist

SueC said:


> We're in stitches at our place every time we read that. :rofl: For me personally, I think it's a reaction to reading _Nausea_ in my 20s. I expected so much from it, and yet was sorely disappointed. Existential void my hindquarters. That only happens if you don't _make_ meaning with your own life, which all of us are free to do, no matter what our spiritual beliefs may or may not be. Was even Sartre looking for someone to hand him an instruction manual on a silver platter? Too much navelgazing in his French apartment, not enough volunteering in soup kitchens was my gut reaction to his book. I may be harsh here and would welcome your comments on the topic, since you appear to have delved into it deeper than I did!


I liked _La Nausée _when I read it back in my early 20s, but found it deeply disturbing. I was an anti-social, angst-ridden, humanity-hating teenager, so I guess I related! I think I prefer _Huis Clos_, however. It is just as dark, if not darker, but people having to face their inner demons appealed to me, I suppose as a condemnation of social hypocrisy. But then again, I probably also like it because I find it relatively easy to teach. Characters are one-dimensional caricatures, and even today, students can relate it to reality tv shows like _Survivor_. I wouldn't subject my students to _La Nausée_. The navel-gazing is a French thing. Being descended from the French, and having spent a fair bit of time in France (and having dated a French guy for some time), it's something that I've frequently observed. And I don't mean that in a pejorative way. They're just very self-reflective and analytical. Sometimes it leads to introspection overload, but being pretty analytical myself, I get it. They like to follow a thought all the way to its theoretical and hypothetical end, even if it leads to hours of conversation about what might seem like nothing. 

I do prefer Simone de Beauvoir to Sartre, though her writing is dark in its own way. More than either one of them though, I LOVE the writing of Marguerite Duras. I've read almost all her works, and just devour them. There's something about her deceivingly simple style that is loaded with mystery and understatement which really appeals to me. Maybe that's the French in me  



SueC said:


> Not a fair world or an unfair world, just a world, and just playing the cards that come up. We're all travelling on the same boat. Best wishes to you, and have fun riding! :cowboy:
> 
> PS: I like this saying: _ Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain._


Yes, and yes. Some people have a "Why me?" reaction. That seems pointless. If you look up the number of people expected to get cancer in Canada, it's one out of two. 50% (Canadian Cancer Society 2010 numbers). 1 out of 4 will die of cancer, based on 2012 numbers. There's no rhyme or reason to it, it just is. We are lucky this is a treatable cancer. And mind you, a lot of people get cancer very late in life, and die of other causes. My grandfather had cancer when he was in his 80s and they never bothered treating it. 

So yeah, I don't ask myself whether life is fair or unfair, it's just how it is. It's pointless to bemoan your fate. I don't think I'm an optimist exactly, I just figure it's best to focus on what I can do about it. I'm a problem-solver. 

I may not dance in the rain, but I ride in the snow all winter long, and have learned to love it. That's my way of embracing the storm.


----------



## Yogiwick

Two thoughts-

Is Tylenol all they will allow? I find it pretty much useless. My go to OTC is ibuprofen, may be worth trying some different things but that would be my recommendation. Not sure if it's appropriate though.

I saw my pediatrician until I was 19 I think. Especially towards the end but even at around your sons age I felt completely ridiculous and out of place there with small children and babies everywhere and a large play area etc. While age does make a distinction in how they treat things and he does belong there I wouldn't be surprised if your son if having some of the same feelings and maybe that is part of why he didn't want a wish. He's also at the age where he will want to do more and more on his own and have a normal life, yet obviously he's being forced in the other direction. It sounds like you're letting him figure out on his own what he needs help with and what he doesn't I think that's all you can do. I'm just thinking the situation itself is lousy enough without making him feel like a child (even if unintentional it can't be helped) something all teenagers naturally take offense to . I think the game is a great idea, he can hang out with his friends by themselves, and, I think it would help your relatives too just to be able to do something. I hope he enjoys it! It sounds like youre doing a wonderful job in a difficult situation. Hang in there and as it's been said, don't forget to take care of yourself. I'm glad you're able to enjoy Rusty so much! I know you will all come out of this a lot stronger <3


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @Yogiwick. Ibuprofen is my go-to as well, but unfortunately, it is totally off-limits according to the oncologists. I forget why, but he's absolutely not allowed to take it. So barring something really strong which would require admitting him, Tylenol is all we've got. 

Good news though: blood tests today showed that all his counts are back up (they were down on Monday). They are very happy about that, so that makes me happy too! He is taking a lot less Tylenol too, so the pain is obviously not as bad. 

He has started losing his hair.


----------



## Yogiwick

Bummer, I wonder if the NSAID part.

Glad he's doing ok! Hair will grow back. I hope he's not too upset by it, I would try to think of it as "the drugs are working"


----------



## SueC

Acadianartist said:


> I liked _La Nausée _when I read it back in my early 20s, but found it deeply disturbing. I was an anti-social, angst-ridden, humanity-hating teenager, so I guess I related!


Now we're trying to guess your music as a teenager! ;-) DH asks if you liked any of: Faith And The Muse, Mephisto Walz, London After Midnight, Love Is Colder Than Death, Bauhaus... I personally know nothing about any of these, but DH knows all the misanthropic / dark specialists. :Angel:



> I think I prefer _Huis Clos_, however. It is just as dark, if not darker, but people having to face their inner demons appealed to me, I suppose as a condemnation of social hypocrisy.


In that context, it makes a bit more sense to me: Existentialism as a reaction to the dominant world view in that place, at the time. It's funny though how philosophy tends to go thesis / antithesis; when neither extreme is usually correct. Syntheses are much more fun, and generally more accurate I think. Anyway, that was some reading list for teenage you! Was it set for school, or recreational reading?



> The navel-gazing is a French thing. Being descended from the French, and having spent a fair bit of time in France (and having dated a French guy for some time), it's something that I've frequently observed. And I don't mean that in a pejorative way. They're just very self-reflective and analytical. Sometimes it leads to introspection overload, but being pretty analytical myself, I get it. They like to follow a thought all the way to its theoretical and hypothetical end, even if it leads to hours of conversation about what might seem like nothing.


That part, I relate really well to. I'm originally European, and a lifelong journal-keeper, with plenty of teenage and twenty-something navel-gazing on the pages. :smile: I think self-reflection and being analytical are good things - I just felt Sartre was treading a morass, and getting so caught up in the idea of an existential void, over and above the opportunities we all have to make our own meaning with our lives.

I can see why you prefer de Beauvoir. I was quite surprised that the two were an item! :rofl:

So I gather you are French-Canadian? That looks like a rich culture, from what we've seen of it. I bet you eat well! Do you like to cook? What are your favourite dishes - or are there too many to list? (Pardon me - part Italian - foodie via DNA...)

We wish you a good weekend and some fine snow riding this week. Ongoing best wishes for your son's treatment and recovery. :hug:


----------



## Acadianartist

SueC said:


> Now we're trying to guess your music as a teenager! ;-) DH asks if you liked any of: Faith And The Muse, Mephisto Walz, London After Midnight, Love Is Colder Than Death, Bauhaus... I personally know nothing about any of these, but DH knows all the misanthropic / dark specialists. :Angel:


Well, I was a teenager in the 80s, so while I don't recall any of those names, I bet I would have liked them. I'd have to go dig through my old tapes to find the more peripheral groups I listened to, but I did like popular bands like Pink Floyd, the Cure, Nirvana. My memory isn't as good as it used to be, but it would be fun to go look at the old tapes! That said, I wasn't into music as much as I was into art and literature. 




SueC said:


> In that context, it makes a bit more sense to me: Existentialism as a reaction to the dominant world view in that place, at the time. It's funny though how philosophy tends to go thesis / antithesis; when neither extreme is usually correct. Syntheses are much more fun, and generally more accurate I think. Anyway, that was some reading list for teenage you! Was it set for school, or recreational reading?


University  I left home at 17 to go to university. I started a Fine Arts degree, realized I probably would struggle to feed myself as an artist (accurate), so then I started a pre-veterinary program. When I realized science wasn't quite my thing, I ended up taking a break, working as a waitress for a while, and eventually going back to a creative writing program (three different universities in three different cities). While I wasn't quite sure how I was going to turn it into a career, I knew books were my thing, so I kept going, and going, and going! Now I tell people I liked university so much, I never left (I'm a professor of Acadian literature). 

I'm pretty good at syntheses, since it's a pretty big part of what I do, but they're so boring  While I agree that the middle ground is probably the more socially and personally balanced approach, you can't find the middle ground until you find the extremes on both sides. And whether it's philosphy, art, literature, or even society in general, the pendulum keeps swinging, and as such, each movement is a reaction to the previous one. This is essential for new waves to emerge. Sometimes when great thinkers dominate for too long, the next generation finds it difficult to come up with new ideas because they are unable to reject their predecessors. This is an issue in Acadian literature now, where the 70s brought a mini-revolution (everything about Acadian literature is microsmic). Those authors are now aging, and frankly, don't have that much to say anymore, and there are only a handful of young authors to replace them.




SueC said:


> That part, I relate really well to. I'm originally European, and a lifelong journal-keeper, with plenty of teenage and twenty-something navel-gazing on the pages. :smile: I think self-reflection and being analytical are good things - I just felt Sartre was treading a morass, and getting so caught up in the idea of an existential void, over and above the opportunities we all have to make our own meaning with our lives.
> 
> I can see why you prefer de Beauvoir. I was quite surprised that the two were an item! :rofl:
> 
> So I gather you are French-Canadian? That looks like a rich culture, from what we've seen of it. I bet you eat well! Do you like to cook? What are your favourite dishes - or are there too many to list? (Pardon me - part Italian - foodie via DNA...)
> 
> We wish you a good weekend and some fine snow riding this week. Ongoing best wishes for your son's treatment and recovery. :hug:


Yes, well clearly I'm pretty self-reflective too. Best not to get me started on literature! 

You won't be surprised to hear that Sartre was an a$$ in his personal life as well - but maybe you already know that. He and Beauvoir had an "open" relationship, but it was far more "open" on his side than on hers. And like a lot of men who are lavished with praise, he had quite an ego apparently. 

I'm Acadian  (I know you are shocked). We speak French and live in Canada, though there are Acadians all over the world, but we are not French Canadians in the Québécois sense. It's a big complicated, and well, existential! In 1604, the first European colony in North America was established at Île-Sainte-Croix, not very far from where I live. While the first winter was disastrous (the poor Europeans were more worried about fighting off Indigenous people than making sure they had enough wood and food for the winter, so half of the 75 men died of survy), in the spring, they moved to Port-Royal, in what is now Nova Scotia, and the colony did well for a number of years despite the fact that France and England were vying for this territory. Eventually, the French colonizers began to be referred to as Acadians (Verrazano - an Italian - used the name Arcadie on at least one map of the area). 

However, the treaty of Utrecht in 1713 ceded Acadie to England. By then, there were about 10,000 Acadians in the area that is now the Maritime provinces of Canada and the east coast of the US (they traded frequently with Boston and other New England ports). For a while, the Acadians lived somewhat peacefully under British rule, but since the colony had changed hands frequently between the two empires, Acadians had gotten used to the fact that the government was more of an administrative entity that knew nothing of day to day life in the colony, so tended to be very hands-off. Furthermore, Acadians wished to stay neutral in the European wars, not wanting to take arms against either side since they never knew who would be governing the colony next. The British got worried because the Acadians made allies of the Mi'maq and Wolastoqiyik people, and British officials feared a rebellion, so they required that Acadians sign a Sermon of Allegiance. Long story short, Acadians refused to sign unless there was a neutrality clause, but that would defeat the purpose of the sermon. Negotiations went on for a few decades. 

On July 28 1755, the Halifax Council read a Proclamation that ordered the deportation of all Acadians. Between 1755 and 1763, an estimated 11, 400 Acadians were dispersed, killed, exiled, or boarded on ships destined to go all over the world. Many were deported over and over again, as ships of sick, malnourished, and desperate Acadians were not welcomed. About a third died, but many were just lost. Some fled to the woods and survived with the help of the Indigenous tribes they had befriended. Some ended up in Louisiana and became known as Cajuns. Some ended up in France or in other French-speaking terrories (as far as Guadeloupe even), and sometimes even came back to the Canadian Maritimes with dreams of finding their lost land. Unfortunately, all their farms had been burned and destroyed, and their land given to British, Loyalist, or Irish farmers, so they started over again. Lonfgellow immortalized the story of Acadians in his poem Evangeline (though he never set foot in Acadie, and don't even get me started on the historical inaccuracies).

Bet you regret asking now... but that's why there are Acadians, but no Acadia. The name was wiped off the map in the 18th century, but we are a stubborn people, now numbering in the millions, so we cling to this identity which has no geographic or political delimitation. 

And no, I don't cook much  Acadian cooking is somewhat bland though... and there is one dish that is very hard to make called "Poutine râpée" (no relation to the Québec poutine which came much, much later). I had my parents show me how to make them last Christmas because it is a dying art. It's a heck of a lot of work to make something out of a bunch of potatoes and some salt meat!


----------



## knightrider

> I'm Acadian  (I know you are shocked). We speak French and live in Canada, though there are Acadians all over the world, but we are not French Canadians in the Québécois sense. It's a big complicated, and well, existential! In 1604, the first European colony in North America was established at Île-Sainte-Croix, not very far from where I live. While the first winter was disastrous (the poor Europeans were more worried about fighting off Indigenous people than making sure they had enough wood and food for the winter, so half of the 75 men died of survy), in the spring, they moved to Port-Royal, in what is now Nova Scotia, and the colony did well for a number of years despite the fact that France and England were vying for this territory. Eventually, the French colonizers began to be referred to as Acadians (Verrazano - an Italian - used the name Arcadie on at least one map of the area).
> 
> However, the treaty of Utrecht in 1713 ceded Acadie to England. By then, there were about 10,000 Acadians in the area that is now the Maritime provinces of Canada and the east coast of the US (they traded frequently with Boston and other New England ports). For a while, the Acadians lived somewhat peacefully under British rule, but since the colony had changed hands frequently between the two empires, Acadians had gotten used to the fact that the government was more of an administrative entity that knew nothing of day to day life in the colony, so tended to be very hands-off. Furthermore, Acadians wished to stay neutral in the European wars, not wanting to take arms against either side since they never knew who would be governing the colony next. The British got worried because the Acadians made allies of the Mi'maq and Wolastoqiyik people, and British officials feared a rebellion, so they required that Acadians sign a Sermon of Allegiance. Long story short, Acadians refused to sign unless there was a neutrality clause, but that would defeat the purpose of the sermon. Negotiations went on for a few decades.
> 
> On July 28 1755, the Halifax Council read a Proclamation that ordered the deportation of all Acadians. Between 1755 and 1763, an estimated 11, 400 Acadians were dispersed, killed, exiled, or boarded on ships destined to go all over the world. Many were deported over and over again, as ships of sick, malnourished, and desperate Acadians were not welcomed. About a third died, but many were just lost. Some fled to the woods and survived with the help of the Indigenous tribes they had befriended. Some ended up in Louisiana and became known as Cajuns. Some ended up in France or in other French-speaking terrories (as far as Guadeloupe even), and sometimes even came back to the Canadian Maritimes with dreams of finding their lost land. Unfortunately, all their farms had been burned and destroyed, and their land given to British, Loyalist, or Irish farmers, so they started over again. Lonfgellow immortalized the story of Acadians in his poem Evangeline (though he never set foot in Acadie, and don't even get me started on the historical inaccuracies).
> 
> Bet you regret asking now... but that's why there are Acadians, but no Acadia. The name was wiped off the map in the 18th century, but we are a stubborn people, now numbering in the millions, so we cling to this identity which has no geographic or political delimitation.
> 
> And no, I don't cook much  Acadian cooking is somewhat bland though... and there is one dish that is very hard to make called "Poutine râpée" (no relation to the Québec poutine which came much, much later). I had my parents show me how to make them last Christmas because it is a dying art. It's a heck of a lot of work to make something out of a bunch of potatoes and some salt meat!


This is an amazing fascinating story. I had no idea, and I thank you so much for sharing it. I learn so many interesting non-horsey things on this forum! Is your husband Acadian? Do your kids consider themselves Acadian? Do you speak French or English or both at home?


----------



## Acadianartist

knightrider said:


> This is an amazing fascinating story. I had no idea, and I thank you so much for sharing it. I learn so many interesting non-horsey things on this forum! Is your husband Acadian? Do your kids consider themselves Acadian? Do you speak French or English or both at home?


I'm glad someone made it all the way through! 

My husband is not Acadian, he has Irish and Scottish roots. My kids do consider themselves Acadian, however, because we are closer to my family (both my husband's parents passed and his siblings live far away), and probably because they go to school in French. But they are very aware that they have a diversity of backgrounds. When my son was about 6, we were going to celebrate Acadian Day, which is August 15th (adopted in 1884), and he asked what it meant to be Acadian? I had to figure out how to explain it to a kid that age, so I said that my parents are Acadians, which means they are descended from the French, and speak French, whereas dad's parents are from Scotland and Ireland (there are some border people in England as well), and speak English (I didn't get into Gaelic, but it is enjoying a renewal here these days). Because he speaks both languages and has roots from various backgrounds, we celebrate Acadian Day, go to the Scottish Festival, wear green on Saint Patrick's Day, etc. He thought about it for a second and replied: "So that means I get to go to ALL the parties!" :rofl::rofl::rofl:

So yeah, my parents speak French, and I speak French to my kids, but they also learned English from their dad. We live in the only officially bilingual province in Canada (New Brunswick - Québec's only official language is French despite what some people think), so it isn't uncommon. About one third of the population claims French as their maternal language, but many anglophones are bilingual as well (pretty well all francophones have to be bilingual for practical reasons).


----------



## Acadianartist

P.S. sorry the thread got side-tracked. My son is doing well today, and is no longer experiencing much pain. We are enjoying this respite, and hope he will be well until his next round of chemo starts on January 21st. 

My daughter and I were hoping to ride, but it's so bitterly cold with the wind today (around -25C). Unless the wind dies down, I can't see us doing much. Even the horses don't want to be outside right now.


----------



## Foxhunter

When my niece lost her hair she refused to wear a hat. All she would wear was a rainbow headband. I told her to put the hood of her coat up as it was raining to which she said, "I don't care if my hair and gets wet." 

I use to have children and their families come to the stables for the day. One year there was a young teen girl who was under treatment. She wouldn't try on a riding hat because she was bald and it embarrassed her. I took her into my cottage for her to try on my hunting cap which she was quite happy to do. 
Now this was a spectacular looking girl, beautiful bone structure and eyes that could melt anyone's heart. Before she tried on my cap I made her turn around and then asked her if she was bullied about her hair loss. She said she was at school. I told her she was beautiful and could easily become a model a d that when she was bullied to hold her head high and just say "If it's good enough for Sinead O'Conner and Sygorney Weaver, then it was good enough for her." 

Later that day she was playing with the others hatless and perfectly happy. Her mother was thrilled with her being so happy. I later had a call from the girl saying that she had stopped wearing a hat to school and when asked about the bullies she said she had told them what I had said and just walked away proudly. They started to leave her alone after that. 

Things will be rough but together you will endure and get through it. 

Hugs and prayers from across the pond.


----------



## Acadianartist

Foxhunter said:


> When my niece lost her hair she refused to wear a hat. All she would wear was a rainbow headband. I told her to put the hood of her coat up as it was raining to which she said, "I don't care if my hair and gets wet."
> 
> I use to have children and their families come to the stables for the day. One year there was a young teen girl who was under treatment. She wouldn't try on a riding hat because she was bald and it embarrassed her. I took her into my cottage for her to try on my hunting cap which she was quite happy to do.
> Now this was a spectacular looking girl, beautiful bone structure and eyes that could melt anyone's heart. Before she tried on my cap I made her turn around and then asked her if she was bullied about her hair loss. She said she was at school. I told her she was beautiful and could easily become a model a d that when she was bullied to hold her head high and just say "If it's good enough for Sinead O'Conner and Sygorney Weaver, then it was good enough for her."
> 
> Later that day she was playing with the others hatless and perfectly happy. Her mother was thrilled with her being so happy. I later had a call from the girl saying that she had stopped wearing a hat to school and when asked about the bullies she said she had told them what I had said and just walked away proudly. They started to leave her alone after that.
> 
> Things will be rough but together you will endure and get through it.
> 
> Hugs and prayers from across the pond.


What a wonderful story! I think the hard part about losing hair is that you can no longer avoid the questions and looks from people. Everyone knows what sudden baldness means in a child, especially when they lose their eyebrows and eyelashes. 

It's the physical manifestation of the disease (well actually, the treatment) that reminds everyone all the time, and that is especially difficult when he is feeling well, and trying to do normal things. 

The school told me he could wear a hat if he liked, and we bought him some bandanas with his favorite sports team logos on them, so he knows he can cover up. 

I have to say, it's rather messy. We had it cut very short, but it's like a dog that sheds, the hairs are getting all over his clothes. I want to shave it all right off, but he has to decide. 

Thanks for listening.


----------



## Foxhunter

When my niece was under treatment my sister applied for her to start school.. the goveners were anti feeling she would be bullied. She was attending pre school up the road. 
The he'd of the school told the goveners to go wait at the bus stop when the children were coming to school. A couple of them did and as my father was walking Verity up the road so children getting off the bus were all calling out "H" to her and waving. In assembly the head said a prayer for all whomwere sick and when she missed out Verity the kids all called out "You've forgotten Verity!" So, she started school. 

The children's oncology nurse went to the school prior to her starting and explained to the children what the matter was with Verity and how, because some of the medicines she had to take, sometimes she would be angry and bad tempered, other times sad and cry a lot but it was the medicines not Verity so please could they be nice to her. It worked because never once was she bullied or teased. 

Easier with the little ones than older children. Older ones often don't know what to say or how to act. Their friend has a life threatening disease, do they treat him differently because he is sick or do they carry on as normal and pretend nothing is wrong? A big dilemma for them.


----------



## Yogiwick

Foxhunter said:


> Their friend has a life threatening disease, do they treat him differently because he is sick or do they carry on as normal and pretend nothing is wrong? A big dilemma for them.


I think that's plenty hard for adults too!

I feel like it may be easier for a boy then a girl as short hair/bald is more expected and commonplace. Girls tend to be more self conscious. Just society's stereotypes but they do effect how one feels. I don't know if that's how your son feels about it, but I'm hoping it's not something he feels uncomfortable with. And you're right that it's not just being bald, there is a massive difference between shaving your head and losing your hair due to a major illness, and that it's a constant reminder. It's a symbol, but I hope it doesn't feel that way.


----------



## Foxhunter

There was a case where a young boy was having chemo amd lost his hair so his best friend shaved his head too and for that he was suspended from school. 

There was such an outcry from parents and staff that he was quickly reinstated. 

Not the one I was thinking about.


----------



## Acadianartist

How awful that the girl was suspended for shaving her hair! That's absurd. If a girl wants to shave her head, let her shave her head! Even more so in this case. 

So far, his friends and the school have been nothing but kind and supportive. I was chatting with the principal a few days ago and she told me that her son, who is friends with my son, asked her if there was something wrong with him. She told him my son has cancer. Her son asked if that's why my son twisted his ankle playing ping pong, hahaha... she said no, he can still play ping pong  

I find that conversations with boys of this age are pretty short, and they tend to move on quickly once they know he's not going to die -- at least not in the foreseeable future (we're all going to die). I think their conversations go something like this: "So you have cancer?" "Yep." "You gonna die?" "Nope." "Let's play ping pong!" lol Unlike adults, boys this age don't have to know all the details, or dwell on it. They tend to live in the moment, and their priorities are different. His friends stayed in touch with him the whole time he was away, and throughout the holidays on his phone, computer, etc. I would often see him smile or laugh at his phone so I know they're making him laugh at a time when all the adults around him are acting like he's about to die. That's how I know they're not talking to him about cancer, and that's EXACTLY what he needs right now - a break from the seriousness of it all. 

A new side-effect we're seeing is extreme irritability. He lost his mind last night because his sister wouldn't promise to wash her hands whenever she touched a plant that's in her room. They've always argued the way siblings do, but right now, he's not dealing with her stubbornness very well. I made her promise to wash her hands, but his reaction was over-the-top. They warned us that some of the drugs may cause irritability, but I also think he's angry that this is happening to him, and it's coming out in different ways. Totally understandable. That's how I am too - I don't get sad, I get mad and lash out. So I get it.


----------



## SueC

Acadianartist said:


> I'm glad someone made it all the way through!
> 
> My husband is not Acadian, he has Irish and Scottish roots. My kids do consider themselves Acadian, however, because we are closer to my family (both my husband's parents passed and his siblings live far away), and probably because they go to school in French. But they are very aware that they have a diversity of backgrounds. When my son was about 6, we were going to celebrate Acadian Day, which is August 15th (adopted in 1884), and he asked what it meant to be Acadian? I had to figure out how to explain it to a kid that age, so I said that my parents are Acadians, which means they are descended from the French, and speak French, whereas dad's parents are from Scotland and Ireland (there are some border people in England as well), and speak English (I didn't get into Gaelic, but it is enjoying a renewal here these days). Because he speaks both languages and has roots from various backgrounds, we celebrate Acadian Day, go to the Scottish Festival, wear green on Saint Patrick's Day, etc. He thought about it for a second and replied: "So that means I get to go to ALL the parties!" :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> So yeah, my parents speak French, and I speak French to my kids, but they also learned English from their dad. We live in the only officially bilingual province in Canada (New Brunswick - Québec's only official language is French despite what some people think), so it isn't uncommon. About one third of the population claims French as their maternal language, but many anglophones are bilingual as well (pretty well all francophones have to be bilingual for practical reasons).


All of that is really fascinating! Thank you for explaining. And what a lovely cultural mix your children have to draw on! 

I love the Cape Breton Celtic music.

Completely surprised that Acadian cooking is bland!

We were both teenagers in the 1980s as well and both of us like The Cure and Pink Floyd (but I'm only a midlife convert to The Cure - I thought they were imbeciles when I was a teenager :rofl: - but that was before they recorded _Disintegration_...). Brett even likes Nirvana. My favourite stuff in the 80s was Irish and Scottish contemporary and traditional music - U2, The Waterboys, Big Country, Cactus World News, Clannad - with time I expanded outwards into other genres etc, and my husband came with a fantastic musical and literary dowry to aid this further! :smile:

We love books, and should you ever find yourself in Australia, you're most welcome to stop by our little library (both of us from childhood wanted to live in a library, and now we sort of do!). ;-)

Here's one section, and our Christmas tree!



Good vibes to your family from the Antipodes. inkunicorn:


----------



## Acadianartist

Love the tree @SueC! I have never been to Australia, but who knows... work sometimes takes me to unlikely places. Mostly Europe, but like I said, you never know. I don't like to travel as much as before though.

Traditional Acadian cooking is bland because they had to make do with just a handful of ingredients, especially during the long winter months. Salt meat and root vegetables are the base for most recipes. So the diet tends to be very salty, but not all that varied. Poutine Râpée is made from potatoes and salt meat, as are a slew of other similar dishes. Fricot is basically a chicken stew with dumplings. We do use an herb called Summer Savory (called "sariette" en français) which I discovered is not available everywhere. Of course these days we eat a lot of seafood. Acadians did fish right from the beginning, and salt fish is another staple. But we enjoy very good fresh fish and seafood when it's in season. This time of year, we like to fry up smelt which is fished through the ice. In the winter, they become sweeter, and they are delicious! 

I also like Celtic music. It makes for good riding music too, as it's very rythmic!

Your library is awesome. I have tons of books as well... but they're all over the house and at my office. There's something about the object itself that I like. I never did convert to using an e-reader.


----------



## SueC

You might like this quote:

“_Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity ... we cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access reassurance.” _A.Edward Newton (1848-1940)

Nothing beats the physicality of an actual book - the feel, the smell, the reality etc etc, which is why we have lots of them... yet e-readers also have a place with us, for example, for reading out-of-copyright material, or for reading at night when another person wants to sleep!  

Warm wishes from a fellow book nerd! :Angel:


PS: My favourite "new" word last year was _tsundoku_ - a Japanese term which neatly describes the towers of books awaiting reading on our bedside tables, coffee table etc...


----------



## Acadianartist

SueC said:


> PS: My favourite "new" word last year was _tsundoku_ - a Japanese term which neatly describes the towers of books awaiting reading on our bedside tables, coffee table etc...


I love it!!! I have those piles! Some books I've read, some I'm trying to force myself to read (dear Proust, I just don't have enough time to kill to want to make it through _La recherche du temps perdu_), some I mean to read, but never get around to reading, some to remind of me of that overdue book review I'm supposed to write soon... piles, piles everywhere!

I particularly love very old books. My husband makes fun of me when I come home from yet another used book sale with a tattered and torn rare, long out-of-print book by an obscure author only about 12 people know about... I have a few of those behind glass even! Or the really pretty leather-bound books holding contents I don't really care about that get displayed on my mantle just for their looks. 

Now I know what to call them other than messy piles of books!


----------



## Knave

Here is an idea for those kinds of books. Littlest girl bought this at a thrift store because she simply loves books.


----------



## Acadianartist

Love it @Knave!!! Maybe I should cut up Proust's_ Recherche du temps perdu_ to make a lampshade... 

Back on topic though... I do find it upsetting to see my son lose his hair. I'd say about half of it is gone now. He just had a shower, and told me afterwards that I might need to clean up the hair... I thought I was prepared, but I was not. It was hard to pick half of his hair out of the drain and shower.

I went into his room to remind him to do his homework and noticed he had taken out the bandanas we bought him. We also offered to just shave it all off and be done with it, but left it up to him. I wish he would just shave it. That's what I would do. But it has to be his decision.

I know... it will grow back. It's just... very dramatic to watch it fall out so suddenly.


----------



## tinyliny

I had never seen that quote before, nor do I know who that person is. However , nothing could more perfectly describe how my oldest son feels about books. He has hundreds of them, only a portion of which he's read. He NEVER turns down a book, and can barely bring himself to part with any. just a few, now and then, to get his mother off his back. Someday, he will be a hoarder, drowning in books and junk. But, for now, let him be that grand knight , that champion of the printed page and the bound spine, that BOOKWORM!


“_Even when reading is impossible, the presence of books acquired produces such an ecstasy that the buying of more books than one can read is nothing less than the soul reaching towards infinity ... we cherish books even if unread, their mere presence exudes comfort, their ready access reassurance.” _A.Edward Newton (1848-1940)


----------



## xJumperx

I love you all so much. What a beautiful forum. Praying for you so hard, right alongside the rest of your horseforum family <3


----------



## Werecat

Oh my god. I have been away from this forum for too long, I am JUST seeing this now. I am SO absolutely sorry to be reading this. I haven't read any of the responses yet, but praying a month later and he's getting closer to recovery.

I am so, so sorry you and your son are going through this, the absolute worst fear for a mother  Sending warm thoughts and prayers for him to recover quickly.


----------



## WhattaTroublemaker

Oh girl... I'm so sorry to hear! If you need anything, ever- I'm NOT that far away! Sending good thoughts your way!


----------



## WhattaTroublemaker

Just read everything. I'm glad he's doing well! If you need anything, ANYTHING, I will not hesitate to send it over. I have a complete library if you need books, horse feed, coffee, gift cards, maybe a little bit of devils lettuce to take the edge off, ANYTHING. I'm so sorry this is happening, but you're so strong! I don't think I could ever cope with stress like this, I'm a big baby. 

I'm also glad you're getting along well with Rusty, Lisa mentioned she sent him over last time she was up! I was ecstatic and had to come here to creep for pictures! Appy lovers unite <3


----------



## Acadianartist

Hahaha... thanks @*what* ta! Yes, I absolutely LOVE Rusty! He is just so much fun. I'll give you a quick update on him, then will update about my son. 

Last night I rode him bareback AND bitless!!! I still can't believe I did that. My daughter wanted to ride because it was such a lovely evening. Cold, but not unbearable, and the sun was going down, making everything so pretty. She likes to ride bareback over Harley's blanket so I thought what the heck... I'm going to try getting on Rusty bareback. Other than him walking off before I was completely on (that's ok, I scrambled, and managed to get on as he was walking), he was great! It was also the first time I was riding him without a bit, and he was fairly forward, but nothing really scary. My daughter did some canter work on Harley bareback, and I trotted bareback. We didn't go out on the trails (I'd want a saddle for that!), which was a bit disappointing for Rusty who kept stopping near the gate. Maybe tonight I'll take him for a short jaunt in the woods. 

And of course, a photo of the polka dot ears watching my daughter do a bit of cantering on Harley (I wish my daughter had taken pics of me and Rusty, but oh well). How cute is he with his pink blanket? There's just the right amount of snow for good footing without getting too deep right now. I wish it would stay this way! Almost no snow for us, given the time of year.


----------



## Acadianartist

Now for an update on my son. As much as I enjoyed our ride last night, the rest of the evening was a bit of a bummer. In fact, I would not have had the energy to ride if it hadn't been for my daughter who wanted to get out so badly. I'm so grateful she insisted. Part of me feels guilty finding so much pleasure in being out riding while my son is so unhappy, but I also know that this makes me stronger so I can get through the hard times. Me being depressed isn't going to help my son even though some days I want to crawl into a closet with a big bottle of wine. 

My son was not very chatty, nor would he eat his supper. He went to school yesterday morning with a hoodie. We tried to tell him the teachers were not going to allow him to wear his hoodie, that he should wear the skull caps we bought him instead, but he wouldn't listen, and frankly, he's very irritable right now, so it's not a good time to pick a fight. Sure enough, at least two teachers told him to take his hoodie off. One actually emailed me at the end of the day because she felt terrible. She didn't realize he had started to lose his hair. It looked really awful too, like a mangy dog. It was falling out in patches with a big bald spot at the front and tufts of hair elsewhere. 

So of course, kids reacted, and asked a lot of questions. Last night he asked us to shave it off. We'd suggested that to him on the weekend, when it started falling out. Anyway, it's done. He was teary while we were doing it. Maybe I was too (I'm not crying, you're crying). But it's done. This morning he went to school with his Dallas Cowboys skull cap. I think it looks really cool! Hopefully his friends will too. 

I'm looking into having bandanas printed with his football team logo on it. He'll need a few head covers. 

Also, the team treasurer has been contacting me regularly for updates, and when I told her his hair was falling out, she confided that some of the boys on the team want to have their heads shaved. She asked me if it was ok if they bring a hairdresser to the school and shave a bunch of guys' heads. I think it's a beautiful gesture (again, I'm not crying, you're crying...). I know he doesn't want the attention, but hiding it is no longer an option. Best to have it out in the open. He has cancer. He will beat it. It will be hard, and he'll lose all his hair. But it will all grow back. Trying to pretend things are normal makes it seem worse than it is.


----------



## egrogan

It’s lovely the team wants to support him like that. I think we all have an urge to do SOMETHING-anything-to help when we see people we care about in pain. So them shaving heads helps them cope a little better with seeing their friend hurting, I think. Continued good wishes to all of you!


----------



## SueC

Acadianartist said:


> Love it @Knave!!! Maybe I should cut up Proust's_ Recherche du temps perdu_ to make a lampshade....


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


...I'm sorry your son is losing his hair. Darn hair follicle cells are fast dividers, like cancer cells, so they get knocked about too. But like you say, it will grow back. How long will he be doing chemotherapy? Or is that like asking how long is a piece of string?

The woman who runs our local tree nursery had a long battle with a poor-prognosis cancer, but she made it and is in the clear, has been fine again for years. She didn't like the chemo or the hair loss either. Has magnificent hair again now.


----------



## Acadianartist

Well, he is scheduled to get at least 4 chemo treatments lasting into at least mid-March (that's assuming none have to be delayed because of low white blood cell count which happens fairly often). Then maybe radiation. But I'm assuming his hair will grow back by spring. He had very thick hair, so it will be interesting to see how it grows back. 

It was totally expected, but nothing prepares you for the shock of taking your hat off and finding half your head of hair in it...


----------



## farmpony84

It sucks being a teenager and then having to deal with this. There are going to be some amazing kids at the school that stick by him through it all. Some may not even be his friends yet - but they will be soon enough and that's what he'll need. It's funny - we parents want to fix it all but when they get to a certain age - those stupid friends are sometimes what do the trick.

Maybe knit caps will be the new in thing this year at his school...


----------



## SueC

@Acadianartist, you and @Knave have got me thinking, with those nifty paper craft ideas of yours.

Recently, in one of my hippie magazines, I saw an instruction piece for paper bead making, like this:










So, you're giving us the Proust lampshade. How about a Camus necklace? Homewares and fashion accessories for the modern existentialist... The shop could be called _L'Appel Du Vide_... what else could it stock? :Angel:


----------



## QtrBel

Thanks for the history lesson from page 18. Just catching up/ We've added my two nephews to our household. Adjusting to having a 7th, 8th and 9th grader all under one roof. So much to read all over the forum and so little time. I have family still in Québec. We used to see them yearly but now it isn't quite so often. We grew up hearing/speaking French. Some of us more so than others. Big family spread across the 60s and last of my cousins was born in the 80s. My mom is Irish/French and had no interest in speaking but she could understand. Dad is Cajun through and through. 



@ sarahfromscThinking of you and have added your family to my prayers. 



Going back to reading. @*SueC* head to South Louisiana if you want the spiced up version. That is a Euphorbia you have as a Christmas tree is it not? What variety. I had one that was huge that we decorated every year. Kept the cats from climbing and the dogs from knocking it over.


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

Acadianartist said:


> Now for an update on my son. As much as I enjoyed our ride last night, the rest of the evening was a bit of a bummer. In fact, I would not have had the energy to ride if it hadn't been for my daughter who wanted to get out so badly. I'm so grateful she insisted. Part of me feels guilty finding so much pleasure in being out riding while my son is so unhappy, but I also know that this makes me stronger so I can get through the hard times. Me being depressed isn't going to help my son even though some days I want to crawl into a closet with a big bottle of wine.
> 
> My son was not very chatty, nor would he eat his supper. He went to school yesterday morning with a hoodie. We tried to tell him the teachers were not going to allow him to wear his hoodie, that he should wear the skull caps we bought him instead, but he wouldn't listen, and frankly, he's very irritable right now, so it's not a good time to pick a fight. Sure enough, at least two teachers told him to take his hoodie off. One actually emailed me at the end of the day because she felt terrible. She didn't realize he had started to lose his hair. It looked really awful too, like a mangy dog. It was falling out in patches with a big bald spot at the front and tufts of hair elsewhere.
> 
> So of course, kids reacted, and asked a lot of questions. Last night he asked us to shave it off. We'd suggested that to him on the weekend, when it started falling out. Anyway, it's done. He was teary while we were doing it. Maybe I was too (I'm not crying, you're crying). But it's done. This morning he went to school with his Dallas Cowboys skull cap. I think it looks really cool! Hopefully his friends will too.
> 
> I'm looking into having bandanas printed with his football team logo on it. He'll need a few head covers.
> 
> Also, the team treasurer has been contacting me regularly for updates, and when I told her his hair was falling out, *she confided that some of the boys on the team want to have their heads shaved.* She asked me if it was ok if they bring a hairdresser to the school and shave a bunch of guys' heads. I think it's a beautiful gesture (again, I'm not crying, you're crying...). I know he doesn't want the attention, but hiding it is no longer an option. Best to have it out in the open. He has cancer. He will beat it. It will be hard, and he'll lose all his hair. But it will all grow back. Trying to pretend things are normal makes it seem worse than it is.


Wow, that hit me hard. It's absolutely wonderful that your son has friends like that. Makes me very glad that they're supporting him; how his friends act is gonna influence his own feelings on this quite a bit.

Continuing sending love and hugs your way


----------



## QtrBel

So glad you are posting and sharing your family's journey. It took most of the day to finish from my last post directed at Hondo. You're all in my thoughts and prayers. Rusty could not have shown up at a better time. Isn't it funny how animals do that? Hugs to y'all!


----------



## SueC

QtrBel said:


> Going back to reading. @*SueC* head to South Louisiana if you want the spiced up version.


Now I am on tenterhooks. Pray tell! Pretty please with cherries on top! 



> That is a Euphorbia you have as a Christmas tree is it not? What variety. I had one that was huge that we decorated every year. Kept the cats from climbing and the dogs from knocking it over.


The Albany Woollybush is an Australian native found in the wild on the South Coast where we live. Its binomial name is _Adenanthos sericeus_ - it's quite an unusual thing. More info here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adenanthos_sericeus

Best wishes for your household juggling!


----------



## 3Horses2DogsandaCat

I don't know how I missed this thread for so long. @Acadianartist I am terribly sorry that you and your family are going through this. Praying for your son's recovery.


----------



## QtrBel

So distant relative. My eyesight is so bad now. Changing HRT has made it worse. Does look quite woolly until I zoom to ginormous. The food sweet Sue. The food. Tonight's dinner is a chicken, sausage and okra gumbo. Hot and Spicy to warm up our dip into the colder temps. This keto diet meant that I made no potato salad to serve it over. Can't resist a good hot potato salad. Can't resist the cold left overs either. If I can't have it no one can.


----------



## Knave

The books on the bottom of the lamp are also real @SueC. I assume that is where the paper for the lamp shade came from. They look boring but pretty. Lol

I hope your day was beautiful @acadian artist. I hope your son felt better with all the support of his friends.


----------



## SueC

QtrBel said:


> So distant relative. My eyesight is so bad now. Changing HRT has made it worse. Does look quite woolly until I zoom to ginormous. The food sweet Sue. The food. Tonight's dinner is a chicken, sausage and okra gumbo. Hot and Spicy to warm up our dip into the colder temps. This keto diet meant that I made no potato salad to serve it over. Can't resist a good hot potato salad. Can't resist the cold left overs either. If I can't have it no one can.


Aaaaah! Now I get it. Thank you!  For some reason I thought you had spicy down-south vocabulary for a pile of books in Louisiana. The _going back to reading_ bit confused me! :rofl:

You may feel a little better about the eyesight thing if I tell you that Brett and I finally got reading glasses this month, straight after New Year, after procrastinating for an eternity... Here's what I wrote in my journal about it the next day. Hopefully someone will get a laugh here.

_We bought reading glasses yesterday and then oohed and aahed over the clarity of the print in the books we were holding nearly at arm's length before that. Everything just leapt out and reading was so easy!!! And the book is back near the face, as it once was! So we had a reading party and stayed up irresponsibly late reading till 11.30pm. So we're a little wan after only 7 hours of sleep instead of the 8-9 we actually need. Brett put his back on first thing in the morning - he looks like a librarian!  :rofl: I have two; one crazy pair for reading which is a fruit bowl colour, and one nice, plain pair that's good for screen distance.

We should have done this at least two years ago, possibly five, but humans are seriously strange, us included. Every now and then we'd say, "We really need to get glasses!" and then not. I changed the lightbulbs in the bedside lamps two years ago to make them brighter, and I still got eye strain. Yesterday night... wow - no eye strain, read really fast, and now I have a chance of actually getting through those books stacked on my bedside table!

The most incredible thing was actually standing in front of the test print instruction sign at the iCare reading glasses stand at our pharmacy at the allotted 33cm distance (mmmm... everything blurry) and then putting on the +1.5 glasses, and suddenly everything was crisp and clear, just like when I was a kid and when I could examine ladybirds almost field-microscope-like with my eyes, at about tip of nose range, which is a preschooler's optical near point... I was exclaiming, "OMG, this is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!"

And when we got home, it was the same. We sat down with our books and oohed and aahed. Brett actually went around the house and did things like look at the knobs on the cooker, calling, "Come look at this! Wow!" :rofl: :loveshower:
_

Two people in their mid-40s, mind you. And there's a postscript on nose hair, if anyone wants it.

Yours in disintegration

Sue


----------



## QtrBel

Oh, Sue. How I wish the answer was readers. I currently wear contacts to reshape the eye and provide as much correction as possible and topped with two different pair of glasses (depending on the task I use one or the other) to get me to the legal limit so I can at least drive during the day. I am learning to like audiobooks.


----------



## SueC

I'm sorry, @QtrBel. :hug:

We're laughing about ourselves, because what else can you do? At least that way you get a nice endorphin release, and maybe other people will too.


----------



## QtrBel

One of the kids at school thinks bigger is better and fixes everything. He brought a huge pair of glasses so I could see the board. So I do get in plenty of laughter. I accepted it a long time ago. Actually is an advantage as my hearing is exceptional and my capability for voice recognition is way above average which makes the kids think I have xray vision. Sorry for the TJ AA.


----------



## Acadianartist

:rofl::rofl::rofl: You're all hilarious! Feel free to take this topic in any direction you please  It's a good distraction!
@SueC I love the name _L'appel du vide_. In keeping with the title, we should sell sealed, empty containers that echo the barenness of our souls. Also, large-print books apparently!

I got my first bifocals in my early 40s. I am stubborn about glasses - I've always worn them for reading and looking at screens, but refuse to wear them 24/7. I hated the bifocals. I always had to tilt my head at an angle to see the computer, my students, books... it was so annoying. So I went back and asked them to make me two pair - one for seeing far away, and one to read and work on the computer. Several hundred dollars later, I now have two pair to lose all over the house. And when I teach, I never know which one to wear - is it better to see my students, or the textbook in front of me? Usually I opt for the students, but then when I want to read a passage, I have to switch. Which has led to some funny moments. I actually once forgot I was already wearing my glasses to see my students, and tried to put in my glasses to see my book over them. 

At least my students get entertained when they come to my class. 

I started teaching university when I was 28, and because of my small stature, I looked about my students' age. When I would walk into a classroom, they just assumed I was another student until I went to the front of the room. They used to challenge me frequently, especially the mature students who were significantly older than me. Now, it is very obvious that I'm not a student. Yet, they are very kind and patient. People who complain about kids these days should really get to know them better. They have their weaknesses, but they live in a stressed-out society, and have to cope with so much uncertainty in their world. Yet I think this is the most empathetic, forgiving generation I have taught so far.


----------



## Hondo

Acadianartist said:


> He had very thick hair, so it will be interesting to see how it grows back.



Mine grew back looking like I had a permanent. Very wavy. But as it grew it finally became the normal straight. I was told this is what usually happens.


One of my daughters at 25YO shaved her head. I'd preferred she had not but can't say I did not appreciate it.


----------



## Acadianartist

Hondo said:


> Mine grew back looking like I had a permanent. Very wavy. But as it grew it finally became the normal straight. I was told this is what usually happens.
> 
> 
> One of my daughters at 25YO shaved her head. I'd preferred she had not but can't say I did not appreciate it.


Yes, many people have told me this as well, about the curls. Hopefully it won't be too tightly curled, as it will be messy under a football helmet! Though he'll likely be wearing a head cover for some time, until it grows out evenly. 

Friday he gets tested to see if he can do the next round of chemo. We expect he will. Other than being irritable, he's not really showing any signs of his body being run down at the moment. That will all change next week of course. 

He met his personal trainer yesterday. It went well. My son is happy to get back to doing at least some exercise.


----------



## Foxhunter

One evening mother answered the door and called me. It was the mother of one of my pupils at the riding school. 

"Sorry to bother you, Tess has to wear spectacles, we have just picked them up. Please can you stop the other children teasing her?"

"I doubt it. Teasing is part of life she has to get use to it but I will not allow bullying."

Next morning I was mixing feeds when Tess came down the drive. She had her head down and hand over her forehead. I greeted her and she looked up. 
"Oh Tess, now I know why you fell off jumping last week, you couldn't see the fence!" 

She just smiled amd other children remarked on her glasses. Some sympathised others told her they looked "Cool." 

She came to help feed and I asked to try them on. I was shocked when I could see leaves on the tree at the top of the drive. I told her to go home and tell her mum they fell off amd Scooby trod on them. Then I remarked that she had the Phillips family big head as they were way to wide for me. 

That was the end of her being embarrassed at wearing glasses and me going to get my eyes tested! 
"


----------



## SueC

Acadianartist said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl: You're all hilarious! Feel free to take this topic in any direction you please  It's a good distraction!


Oh goodie, let's have some more existentialist entertainment then!  I wonder if you've come across this one yet... This is a good one to tell a class... You usually get intense silence after the punchline, and then there will be one solitary giggle somewhere to represent the narrow end of the normal distribution, before the penny drops for the majority...

Have you heard about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? ...he lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.




> @SueC I love the name _L'appel du vide_. In keeping with the title, we should sell sealed, empty containers that echo the barrenness of our souls. Also, large-print books apparently!


It's a great name, and because it's in French, it automatically sounds so important and distinguished as well, to non-French speakers like me. My ready French vocabulary consists of: Merci, oui, bonjour, au revoir, fromage, chocolat, and _merde_. For the last one, I blame Gerard Depardieu, and you can as well, because he says it a lot in the French-language films broadcast with subtitles on Australia's SBS.

Because of my language limitations there, I cheated and looked up the translation of "The Void" online, and so came upon _le vide_ and, even better, the delightful phrase _L'appel du vide_. Trust the French to have a name for that moment standing on the edge of a cliff where you realise you could just step forward and die, and then recoil in horror at the thought. But then, Sartre, Camus, de Beauvoir were all French - and I'm intensely curious whether the phrase was around _before_ existentialism existed as a philosophy...can you shed light on that one?

I love the idea of selling metaphorically heavy, but physically light, empty containers at _L'appel du vide_. Should they be properly evacuated, or be allowed to contain atmospheric gases, which have useful things in them such as oxygen? I guess the purists will go for the former, and for them we'll have to put good seals on the lids to guarantee them the purest possible void.

I'm kind of imagining _L'appel du vide_ as an existentialist IKEA. I was racking my brain for what you'd find there, and initially I just came up with a list of things you definitely wouldn't. _L'appel du vide_ would not be in the business of selling nice comfortable lounge chairs and sofas, that's for sure - or anything _hygge_, for that matter. _Hygge_ is a serious threat to existentialism - how can you adequately contemplate the existential void when you're extremely comfortable, cheerful and cosy? You just can't. So I think _L'appel du vide_ would have a good range of hard wooden chairs with really uncomfortable backrests. There might be some nice, cold metal chairs as well, what do you think? The really hardcore existentialists can just sit on the concrete floor, but obviously not in lotus position.

I also think _L'appel du vide_ will definitely not be selling lampshades. There will, however, be a section specialising in bare bulbs dangling from cables of various lengths, with which existentialists will be able to equip their dwellings to remind them of the cold, harsh light of reality.

The bed section will stock lumpy, uncomfortable mattresses. I think _L'appel du vide_ will specialise in a sort of brutal minimalism in all things.

I'm in two minds about the large-print books, @Acadianartist. On the one hand that would be so useful for quite a few of us, but on the other, it is so much easier to feel discouraged when struggling with the disintegration of one's eyesight, and to really feel the meaninglessness of existence when you're holding your favourite books at arm's length and can no longer read without eye strain even at that distance... especially with a _tsundoku_ or two to get through...

Now, IKEA have a canteen, and so _L'appel du vide_ should have one too. They will, of course, be serving the Tuna Casserole from Sartre's Cookbook, to which I will just include the link again for anyone who missed it first time around...

The Jean-Paul Sartre Cookbook

Wishing you a good evening. :Angel:


----------



## egrogan

SueC said:


> Have you heard about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? ...he lay awake all night wondering if there was a dog.


But you also have to account for your auditory vs. visual processors- you made me chuckle, but I'm not sure if I would have gotten it if I hadn't been reading and had just heard it out loud :wink:


----------



## SueC

This is correct, @egrogan, thank you for pointing that out! 

And DNA stands for? (The National Dyslexics Association)


----------



## RegalCharm

Acadianartist said:


> Friday he gets tested to see if he can do the next round of chemo. We expect he will. Other than being irritable, he's not really showing any signs of his body being run down at the moment. That will all change next week of course.
> 
> He met his personal trainer yesterday. It went well. My son is happy to get back to doing at least some exercise.



How did your son's test turn out?


----------



## Change

SueC said:


> This is such an excellent post.  And I didn't know that, @*Change* . I wish we could have been there. The stars are very silent. :shock: Here's a big retrospective :hug: for you, and I'm glad you've come through all that.
> 
> A serious question for you. A very very dear friend has a DH with kidney disease who's now up to the dialysis stage and not quite up to the transplant stage. He's in his 30s and it runs in the family. Did your son end up having a transplant? Do you have any advice for people dealing with this situation?


My son started dialysis (the first time) when he was 12, via a aortic shunt (tubes run through his ribs directly into his aorta). He received his first transplant - donated by his father; a good match - at 13. His disease almost immediately attacked it and he was back on dialysis at 16, when he also got his fistula (a vein and artery fused together). Second transplant, at 17 was a blood type only, cadaver graft. He lost that one at 21 and has been on dialysis ever since. He's 33 now.

It sounds like your friend is poly-cystic. It runs in families, but the transplant prognosis is very good. 

As for the advice part - let's take that discussion elsewhere and not derail this thread.



Acadianartist said:


> Thanks @Yogiwick. Ibuprofen is my go-to as well, but unfortunately, it is totally off-limits according to the oncologists. I forget why, but he's absolutely not allowed to take it. So barring something really strong which would require admitting him, Tylenol is all we've got.
> 
> Good news though: blood tests today showed that all his counts are back up (they were down on Monday). They are very happy about that, so that makes me happy too! He is taking a lot less Tylenol too, so the pain is obviously not as bad.
> 
> He has started losing his hair.


NSAIDS, which include ibuprofen, is a huge NO-NO when you are immune suppressed AND receiving any sort of blood thinner. Tylenol may not work very well for some, but it's SAFE.

I'm glad to hear that his teammates are supporting him; I hope he appreciates it as well.

As for the gaming system. My son lives on his XBOX. Due to his chronic pain and general weakness, it's hard for him to go out with his friends, and of course, he can't work, so he spends a large amount of time gaming. Nowadays, that means connecting up with others around the world, which is at least some socialization. He does have a few very good friends here who have been at his side for the past 12 years and they just deal with his good and bad days as if they were nothing out of the ordinary. If my son passes out while they are here hanging out, they just continue to hang until he wakes up. No biggie. I love those young men. I hope your son's friends are equally supportive.


----------



## Acadianartist

RegalCharm said:


> How did your son's test turn out?


Sorry, been busy, and the Internet went out for a day. 

So on Friday, he had blood tests. Those showed his counts are good, so it is a go-ahead for the chemo, that is, if the storm doesn't keep us all home on Monday morning. Terrible timing, but this is quite a storm, potentially bringing up to 60 cms of snow with freezing rain and high winds, and lasting a couple of days. We will try to make it in (we have a 30 min drive on a good day), but if the RCMP tells people to stay off the roads, we'll have to do the chemo on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday instead. So not that big a deal, it's just a day. 

On Friday, he also wrote two exams because he was supposed to write them next week but he'll be getting a treatment. The first was his math exam. Friday afternoon, his teacher emailed me to tell me he had gotten a 94%! She was impressed that he could still do so well under the circumstances (he missed over two weeks and is still not feeling great sometimes). Don't know how he scored on the second one, but I'm pretty sure he did well.

Last night, we gave him the Nintendo Switch. As I suspected, he was a little uncomfortable that people gave so much money just for a toy. But he's playing it with his sister right now, so I do think it will be a good thing. I videotaped him opening it, and he read the names of everyone who contributed. So he knows there are a lot of people on his side, thinking of him right now. 

Going to try to go ride this afternoon with DD before we get snowed in for the next two days.


----------



## Acadianartist

Change said:


> My son started dialysis (the first time) when he was 12, via a aortic shunt (tubes run through his ribs directly into his aorta). He received his first transplant - donated by his father; a good match - at 13. His disease almost immediately attacked it and he was back on dialysis at 16, when he also got his fistula (a vein and artery fused together). Second transplant, at 17 was a blood type only, cadaver graft. He lost that one at 21 and has been on dialysis ever since. He's 33 now.
> 
> As for the gaming system. My son lives on his XBOX. Due to his chronic pain and general weakness, it's hard for him to go out with his friends, and of course, he can't work, so he spends a large amount of time gaming. Nowadays, that means connecting up with others around the world, which is at least some socialization. He does have a few very good friends here who have been at his side for the past 12 years and they just deal with his good and bad days as if they were nothing out of the ordinary. If my son passes out while they are here hanging out, they just continue to hang until he wakes up. No biggie. I love those young men. I hope your son's friends are equally supportive.


Wow, that sounds so hard @Change. I'm so sorry your son went through so much, and is still on dialysis. But it's nice to know he has such good friends, and that the XBOX can provide some degree of socialization. Thank you for sharing. I hope your son can find his way back to health. It sounds like he's been dealt a rotten set of cards, but also that he has a great support system in his friends and family. You have my admiration.


----------



## Werecat

I am so touched after reading all the posts about how amazing his friends and classmates are, and what a wonderful support system he has in addition to his family. He seems like a boy who has a very bright future ahead of him, just a matter of getting through this rough patch.

Loved the pictures from Rusty's back! Such a pretty scene! 

I'm one that plays games. At 32, my generation grew up on the Nintendo 64 and at your son's age the PS2, and it does provide bonding among friends. There are some games that I played as a kid, that I have close friends now through. It's really interesting how it's become all its own subculture.


----------



## Acadianartist

Werecat said:


> I'm one that plays games. At 32, my generation grew up on the Nintendo 64 and at your son's age the PS2, and it does provide bonding among friends. There are some games that I played as a kid, that I have close friends now through. It's really interesting how it's become all its own subculture.


Funny, my kids became obsessed with their Nintendo 64. The old machines became so popular around here, you couldn't find the consoles anymore. 

I was part of the Atari generation, that dates me doesn't it! Pac Man and Donkey Kong were my generation's obsession. I never played a whole lot, but my brother sure did.


----------



## Whinnie

Just wanting you to know I am checking in and thinking about you, best wishes to all of you.


----------



## SueC

Thanks for the info, @Change. No more transplants for your son? I'm sorry your family had all that stress for so long around that. Dialysis must be such a drag (understatement...) - does he have to live near hospital? How often does he need to go - is it daily, and how long does it take? Best wishes for your son and family.

And for your son and family, @Acadianartist.


----------



## Change

Acadianartist said:


> Wow, that sounds so hard @Change. I'm so sorry your son went through so much, and is still on dialysis. But it's nice to know he has such good friends, and that the XBOX can provide some degree of socialization. Thank you for sharing. I hope your son can find his way back to health. It sounds like he's been dealt a rotten set of cards, but also that he has a great support system in his friends and family. You have my admiration.


Unfortunately, there is no path back to health for my son. Dialysis keeps him alive, but also eats at his soul. He loses strength and energy by the day. He is the strongest person I know.



SueC said:


> Thanks for the info, @Change. No more transplants for your son? I'm sorry your family had all that stress for so long around that. Dialysis must be such a drag (understatement...) - does he have to live near hospital? How often does he need to go - is it daily, and how long does it take? Best wishes for your son and family.


He goes to dialysis 3 times a week for 4 hours. The dialysis clinic is 10 miles away and we live within 15 miles of a hospital. When asked if he wanted to be tested for a 3rd transplant, he refused. After losing 2 within 4 years each, when other people might get 20 years or more, he felt it was unfair to take another.
@Acadianartist - I'm glad to hear his chems are looking good for the next treatment and that he's still feeling strong enough to tackle school work! Let's hope he continues to enjoy his life on the good days, and that the gaming system carries him through the bad ones. {hugs}


----------



## SueC

@Acadianartist, I hope you're all doing OK.
@Change, I'm sorry to hear that - that's so rough. I hope you are all managing to have good moments regardless, and little bits of magic.


----------



## Acadianartist

We're just playing the waiting game now. 

He's gotten through half his chemo treatments. He also finished his school term (it ended last week) with grades in the 90s despite missing a lot of class at the end. 

The pain is hard to watch. Harder to bear, I'm sure. It is creating anxiety and dread about the next treatment...

Next week we go to the specialized hospital to find out if treatments have been effective so far, and if he will need radiation at the end. It will be 2-4 weeks of radiation if so, and has to be done out of town. I don't know how we will manage if that's the case. Let's hope it won't be necessary.


----------



## horselovinguy

Hugs...just many hugs to our many members who need one, _want_ one and are entitled to one or more than one.
:hug: :hug: :hug:It hurts to see our loved ones in difficult circumstances let alone a fight for their life..
The human body is amazing in the will to live and what it can and will endure...
Those standing watching have as difficult a journey I believe in having tied hands and hurting hearts...
I for one send prayers, my thoughts and support to each and all...
I hope your knowing you not stand quite so alone helps to ease the burden.


_hlg._


----------



## RegalCharm

Praying the chemo is doing its job and your son will not need radiation.
And a pat on the back for your son for doing so well in school.


----------



## Change

@Acadianartist - Add my hopes and wishes for good test results and no radiation. Be strong for your son, but also take moments to yourself and allow yourself to break down a little. If you always hold to the strength, you'll become brittle. I know.

Be willing to share with your son that it's hard for you, too. Be honest and open if he needs to discuss his trepidation about further treatments. All you can do is be there for him in every capacity he needs you to be. Including sharing tears. That's a strength in and of itself. 

You aren't alone in this. You never will be. {hugs}


----------



## SueC

horselovinguy said:


> Hugs...just many hugs to our many members who need one, _want_ one and are entitled to one or more than one.
> :hug: :hug: :hug:It hurts to see our loved ones in difficult circumstances let alone a fight for their life..
> The human body is amazing in the will to live and what it can and will endure...
> Those standing watching have as difficult a journey I believe in having tied hands and hurting hearts...
> I for one send prayers, my thoughts and support to each and all...
> I hope your knowing you not stand quite so alone helps to ease the burden.
> 
> 
> _hlg._


 @horselovingguy, you're always so extra nice to others, I think it's time _you_ got a hug too. :hug:

PS: I'm also thinking it because, at least in the Aussie mainstream culture (excluding Italians etc ;-)), men tend to get less hugs from their friends than women do. It's like men are only allowed to hug their male friends when their football team wins...


----------



## Hondo

Acadianartist said:


> We're just playing the waiting game now.
> 
> He's gotten through half his chemo treatments. He also finished his school term (it ended last week) with grades in the 90s despite missing a lot of class at the end.
> 
> The pain is hard to watch. Harder to bear, I'm sure. It is creating anxiety and dread about the next treatment...
> 
> Next week we go to the specialized hospital to find out if treatments have been effective so far, and if he will need radiation at the end. It will be 2-4 weeks of radiation if so, and has to be done out of town. I don't know how we will manage if that's the case. Let's hope it won't be necessary.



I was injected with a radio active isotope of iodine with an 8 day half life. It was attached to a monoclonal mouse antibody that attached to the tumor(s) when it got close enough. I was supposed to be getting 27 time the amount of radiation at the site as I would get with the maximum whole body radiation. Without it I wouldn't be typing this.


But your son's might not be of the type for that. I was isolated in a lead lined room for 7 days. They read me with a Geiger counter at 1 meter every day.


Might be something to ask about anyhow. That said, I'm sure he's in good hands.


----------



## tinyliny

SueC said:


> @*horseloving* guy, you're always so extra nice to others, I think it's time _you_ got a hug too. :hug:
> 
> PS: I'm also thinking it because, at least in the Aussie mainstream culture (excluding Italians etc ;-)), men tend to get less hugs from their friends than women do. It's like men are only allowed to hug their male friends when their football team wins...


 @SueC . . . hate to break this to you, but horselovingguy is actually a woman. She started the account, way back when, for her son.
But, I think she likes hugs, anyway.


----------



## SueC

Thank you for pointing that out, @tinyliny!  I always feel sorry about males in Anglo-origin cultures, especially up to and including GenX, on average being so repressed compared to men in Mediterranean cultures, and women in many cultures, when it comes to hugging and emotions! :loveshower:

@horselovinguy, you can have that hug regardless of your gender! :hug:


----------



## egrogan

tinyliny said:


> @*SueC* . . . hate to break this to you, but horselovingguy is actually a woman. She started the account, way back when, for her son.
> But, I think she likes hugs, anyway.



I feel like this is a perfectly placed psychology experiment on gender- I absolutely believed horselovingguy to be male, reinforced by the writing style, etc. How fascinating that simply placing a label on a virtual person frames your entire interpretation of them. Wow. Mind blown a little.


----------



## SueC

egrogan said:


> I feel like this is a perfectly placed psychology experiment on gender- I absolutely believed horselovingguy to be male, reinforced by the writing style, etc. How fascinating that simply placing a label on a virtual person frames your entire interpretation of them. Wow. Mind blown a little.


Yep - and if we now take it one step further, into the "real world", and the labels we put on people there, like "Professor such and such" and how that example tends to make us think less critically about what they say, than we do for the average person. Or ethnic labels, or religious labels, etc etc etc, it's basically endless. Went out on our 11th Wedding Anniversary on Sunday in sparkly, sophisticated clothing and noticed once again with how much more deference I am treated by strangers when I come in that wrapping paper, than when I go to town in casual gear, and of course I'm the same person inside. Maybe we should all be a nudist colony! ;-) And in more ways than the physical, too. :rofl:

There's this thing about not making graven images which for a long time has had me thinking about how we tend to project images on people instead of trying to understand who they really are, really listening to them, really seeing them. It's very much in evidence when people fall in love with others, because when they do, they often fall in love with an image they have made (and perhaps an image the other person made), not with who the person really is. With time, you may learn more about that person, and then, if you actually suit one another, you can move on to genuine love, based on reality, not fantasy.

I think this song also is a reflection on the phenomenon of seeing people through filters that cloud your perception. - This is @Acadianartist's thread, and with all her familiarity with existentialism, Sartre, de Beauvoir etc, I think she might actually enjoy this song too!  Live version, because I always love to watch the interactions between musicians. Music is such a cooperative venture, and it's great to see how people stay in sync, bounce off each other etc. It's always priceless when you see performing musicians smiling at each other when something really works out, or just with pure joy - the Australian Chamber Orchestra is also renowned for that, and great to watch live.


----------



## Acadianartist

Update: we have returned from the IWK hospital with good news. His PET scan shows no cancer. I saw the images myself (before and after) and it is quite striking. So treatments appear to be working. A couple of caveats: the oncologist can still feel something on the neck when he examines my son, and we still don't have the CT scan results or xrays. So this does not yet mean no radiation after the chemo, but the results certainly are promising. 

I should be elated, but I'm tired, and not yet willing to jump for joy since we don't have all the results in yet. They should come in the next few days. 

Driving home through a lot of nasty weather last night I watched the sunset before my exhausted eyes, and thought of how long the road is, and how it is a perfect metaphor for how I feel. I also thought back to when my husband I and climbed Mt Katahdin many years ago. Reaching the summit after 12 hours of hard hiking was at once thrilling and daunting. Just because you have made it to the summit does not mean it's over. In fact, quite the opposite. Many die on the way down (the knife edge portion is the most dangerous). I remember that all I could think of was that I was going to have to tackle the long, painful descent. It was harder than going up. My knees were buckling, I was getting dehydrated, and I felt like they might have to leave me there on the mountain. 

Sorry, this does not sound more optimistic and sorry for the melodrama. I know we will make it back down the other side of this, but I don't know what shape I'll be in when I'm done. 

Once the rest of the test results trickle in, and after I get a good night's sleep or two, I'll feel better. Just thought you'd all like to know that so far, we have reason to be optimistic.


----------



## Acadianartist

Also, thanks for the song @SueC and @horselovinguy is not a guy??? What?! Consider my mind blown.


----------



## horselovinguy

_Sorry guys...
I've never made claims one way or the other as to my gender.
What is written is from my mind, experience and knowledge...
I don't mince words nor play games...
I can be tough, I can be weak. I can also be very strong and very sentimental...the whole package is I.
Did not mean to offend anyone...just_, _ me is me. :wink:
_
_My gender...male or female_
_Does not change how I feel nor the fact that I do truly care and keep others in thought and prayer._
_Lending support and a listening eye and ear as we all are doing..._
_And yes, offering cyber hugs...and enjoy those sending some my way too is always appreciated._

And now back to AA...and the news as it is.
_Much elation to anticipate and some to hold in reserve for protection of your vulnerable heart..._
:hug:_...these are still sent as needed, when needed and as many as is needed._
:runninghorse2:_..._


----------



## 3Horses2DogsandaCat

I'm so relieved to hear that your son's PET scan was cancer free.


As a mother of a teen, I can only imagine what you are going through right now. Hugs


----------



## Acadianartist

horselovinguy said:


> _Sorry guys...
> I've never made claims one way or the other as to my gender.
> What is written is from my mind, experience and knowledge...
> I don't mince words nor play games...
> I can be tough, I can be weak. I can also be very strong and very sentimental...the whole package is I.
> Did not mean to offend anyone...just_, _ me is me. :wink:
> _
> _My gender...male or female_
> _Does not change how I feel nor the fact that I do truly care and keep others in thought and prayer._
> _Lending support and a listening eye and ear as we all are doing..._
> _And yes, offering cyber hugs...and enjoy those sending some my way too is always appreciated._
> 
> And now back to AA...and the news as it is.
> _Much elation to anticipate and some to hold in reserve for protection of your vulnerable heart..._
> :hug:_...these are still sent as needed, when needed and as many as is needed._
> :runninghorse2:_..._


Nor does your gender affect how we feel about you @horselovinguy gal.  

The beauty of the Internet is that we don't judge each other on appearances. And yet we care about each other in surprising ways.


----------



## BlindHorseEnthusiast4582

horselovinguy said:


> _Sorry guys...
> I've never made claims one way or the other as to my gender.
> What is written is from my mind, experience and knowledge...
> I don't mince words nor play games...
> I can be tough, I can be weak. I can also be very strong and very sentimental...the whole package is I.
> Did not mean to offend anyone...just_, _ me is me. :wink:
> _
> _My gender...male or female_
> _Does not change how I feel nor the fact that I do truly care and keep others in thought and prayer._


As AA said, it does not change how we value your opinions or enjoy having you around on the forum, but I have to agree that I am very surprised! Just from the name I always assumed, but there's something to be said about assuming.. :dance-smiley05:


----------



## horselovinguy

BlindHorseEnthusiast4582 said:


> Just from the name I always assumed, but there's something to be said about assuming.. :dance-smiley05:


Oh no....the assuming thing _not_ fit this group..._*NEVER!!!*_
No one ever asked...:shrug:
And thank you BHE for the kind words.

I do think of you all as a extended family and enjoy our communications, banter, bickering at times and the fact we all learn from one another is indeed special and very "precious" to me...
All of you have made me a better person, more informed, open minded, closed minded at times...but exposed to different ways of doing and that is truly a gift. 

AA, please...only my best to you and your son...
You have one heck of a tiger fighting and winning a tough battle and I am so glad for you but especially for him!!
_*He will beat this...*_ 
:runninghorse2:....


----------



## QtrBel

Coming to get an update and catch up. I do no more than run through and as I am a top to bottom instead of bottom to top or middle out I miss the best parts sometimes. 



So glad to see those results. Praying the rest are equally positive. 



This forum is near and dear because of the closeness shared. I only have seen this with one other forum and that was a woman's forum that supported learning your cycle and expanded form there. This forum starts with a shared love and expands from that point.


----------



## Acadianartist

We got the rest of the results yesterday. 

CT scan showed a 63% reduction in the growths at the halfway point of his treatments. So we're happy with that! Blood counts remain stable, so he will start his third round of chemo on Monday. Then a fourth, and that will be it for the chemo. 

The oncologists and others working on my son's case will have a meeting on Wednesday to decide whether or not he should get radiation after the chemo. We are hoping he won't but obviously, we will do what we have to do to make sure it is all gone, and to reduce the chance of it coming back. The radiation has to be done out of town, so it's more complicated, but hopefully if he does need it, two weeks will be enough (they said at the beginning that it would be either two or four weeks). 

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I feel very fortunate right now.


----------



## QtrBel

:hug:Glad to hear it was good news!


----------



## RegalCharm

Glad to hear your son is doing great and the chemo is working and doing what it is supposed to do. Hopefully if they do want to do the radiation it will be only the 2 weeks. 

So continuing prayers for your son, you and family.


----------



## egrogan

Glad to hear your positive results, and sending thoughts for continued good news!


----------



## SueC

Excellent news, @Acadianartist! :hug:

My DH just told me a joke, and I think you'll enjoy this one too.

Pavlov was in a bar having a beer. The phone rang, and he said, "Oh no! I have to go and feed my dogs!"

(For non-fossilised readers, phones used to have actual bells in them that did the ringing!)


----------



## horselovinguy

Such promising news shared...
_I am so glad for all of you...._


The light at tunnel end is now starting to glow _*green*_ from what was a sad _red_ at diagnosis start...
Let the _*green*_ glow brightly from this point forth!!

:runninghorse2:...


----------



## RegalCharm

SueC said:


> Excellent news, @Acadianartist! :hug:
> 
> My DH just told me a joke, and I think you'll enjoy this one too.
> 
> Pavlov was in a bar having a beer. The phone rang, and he said, "Oh no! I have to go and feed my dogs!"
> 
> (For non-fossilised readers, phones used to have actual bells in them that did the ringing!)


:rofl: don't you hate it when you have to explain your jokes? And if they don't know about the bells I wonder if they know who Pavlov was and his experiments with training dogs.


----------



## BlindHorseEnthusiast4582

RegalCharm said:


> :rofl: don't you hate it when you have to explain your jokes? And if they don't know about the bells I wonder if they know who Pavlov was and his experiments with training dogs.


Interest in psychology is not limited by age.  There's got to be a new generation of them coming from somewhere, right?


----------



## SueC

BlindHorseEnthusiast4582 said:


> Interest in psychology is not limited by age.  There's got to be a new generation of them coming from somewhere, right?


Something hilarious: I once asked a middle school student what she wanted to become work-wise. She said, "A psychiatrist. I figure humanity is getting increasingly insane, so I won't ever be out of work!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

And some people think teenagers are boring...

I also vividly remember another one, name of Byron, turning to me with a brain in his hand, that he'd just collected for the brain dissection class. Looked at the brain, looked at me, and said, "Miss, isn't it so amazing that a piece of meat can think!" 

I hear the same Byron, a decade later, was towing a boat on a long trip, and he didn't realise he lost the boat off the trailer until he got to town! Must have had that music up really loud! 

Speaking of lost aquatic vessels, ten years ago my husband and I were in the Tasmanian highlands, just driving back from Cradle Mountain, when a 4WD flagged us down and a worried woman asked us if we'd seen a canoe anywhere. On a serpentine road coming down the highlands. We hadn't. We can see how that can happen, but it seemed incongruous!


----------



## loosie

Oh sounding promising AA! Just letting you know still thinking of you guys over this side of the pond...


----------



## Acadianartist

SueC said:


> Something hilarious: I once asked a middle school student what she wanted to become work-wise. She said, "A psychiatrist. I figure humanity is getting increasingly insane, so I won't ever be out of work!"
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> And some people think teenagers are boring...
> 
> I also vividly remember another one, name of Byron, turning to me with a brain in his hand, that he'd just collected for the brain dissection class. Looked at the brain, looked at me, and said, "Miss, isn't it so amazing that a piece of meat can think!"
> 
> I hear the same Byron, a decade later, was towing a boat on a long trip, and he didn't realise he lost the boat off the trailer until he got to town! Must have had that music up really loud!
> 
> Speaking of lost aquatic vessels, ten years ago my husband and I were in the Tasmanian highlands, just driving back from Cradle Mountain, when a 4WD flagged us down and a worried woman asked us if we'd seen a canoe anywhere. On a serpentine road coming down the highlands. We hadn't. We can see how that can happen, but it seemed incongruous!


I get a great kick out of my teenagers. They have suck a quirky sense of humour, and are pretty sharp. 

To add to the boating stories, my dad was towing his boat once, and suddenly it passed him on the road, trailer and all. Kept going right into the ditch as he watched helplessly, and carved a nice long V... I think of that often while I'm towing a horse trailer. 

My husband and I did lose a canoe on a trip to Maine once. I guess it wasn't strapped down hard enough and when we went over a bridge, the wind lifted it. Luckily, there was no one on the road because we had to pull over and fetch it off the middle of the road. It was an Old Town though, and survived with just a few scratches. We also once lost a mattress when the wind got under it and ripped the entire roof rack off. Mind you, it was quite likely pretty rusty since that was back when we were broke students, and drove rusty vehicles. 

At the hospital today for more chemo. They messed up my son's port access yet again. They had to take the needle back out (it's an inch long and goes into a port in his chest), and do it again. No wonder he hates needes. But the third round of chemo has begun, so that takes us one more step towards the end. 

Unfortunately, my car is making an awful noise, so I'm going to have to take it in (I don't know when I'll have time), and they are forecasting a major storm to come our way Tuesday-Thursday. He has chemo Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday half an hour away from our home. And my car will likely need major repairs and I'm broke. So the week looks like it may be a bit stressful... but we are remaining positive. We'll get through it.


----------



## Acadianartist

And my kids know who Pavlov is. 

In fact, my 13 year old daughter has taken quite an interest in horse behavior. In fact, this coming weekend, she is presenting her science project about the ability for horses to recognize geometric shapes in district finals. It revealed a lot about how different horses learn by trying out various strategies to solve problems. It turned out to be far more fascinating than I thought!

My son is studying sports psychology in one of his classes that is replacing his phys ed course this term (we requested he not do phys ed right now because of the chemo). 

I did not have those opportunities as a teenager, and certainly didn't know half of what they do!


----------



## Knave

I am sorry. That is stressful! I wish there was something I could do to help. 

I like teenagers too. I always have. I think they are so full of life and so fun to be around. I get they can be irritating too, after all I have one and almost another.

When I was a stupid teenager I should have lost a horse trailer. We drove home from the mountains only to see it was only half set on the ball. I never told my parents of course. I didn’t need the butt chewing I already felt when I saw the massive mistake. I figured it was a gift from God we made it home.


----------



## Acadianartist

Knave said:


> I am sorry. That is stressful! I wish there was something I could do to help.
> 
> I like teenagers too. I always have. I think they are so full of life and so fun to be around. I get they can be irritating too, after all I have one and almost another.
> 
> When I was a stupid teenager I should have lost a horse trailer. We drove home from the mountains only to see it was only half set on the ball. I never told my parents of course. I didn’t need the butt chewing I already felt when I saw the massive mistake. I figured it was a gift from God we made it home.


I often think of how lucky I was not to get in any real trouble given my propensity for taking risks as a teen! Mistakes, I have made!!! And I still do. 

We're ok. Small things. In the end, if my kids are ok, I'm ok.


----------



## RegalCharm

@Acadianartists Sorry your son had to go through having the needle reinserted again. And I don't blame him for hating needles. I really don't like hospitals in general and have a hard time visiting someone who is a patient. And I really don't care to be a patient in one either. 

So maybe your daughter will decide to go to Vet School sine she likes animal behavior and care. Would be a good profession for an aspiring young person.

Funny that mechanical machines always seem to break down when you really need them. Hopefully it is something simple like a belt or alternator bearing or such if the noise is coming from under the hood (bonnet) if that is the correct use of the word. LOL. I get a kick out of the English vs. American words to describe a car. And why in the UK and their colonies they drive on the wrong side of the road goes back hundreds maybe thousand years. 


Hopefully the weather person will be wrong about the snow moving into your area.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @RegalCharm. I managed to get an appointment in for tomorrow so the mechanic to look at my car. I need it for the weekend, since my daughter's science project thing is in a city two hours away. I can't have it breaking down somewhere in between, especially in our climate. I hate car problems. I think it's suspension. It is a kind of rubbing/grinding noise coming from under the wheel wells whenever I drive slowly on uneven roads. My car has 227 000 kms on it, so no spring chicken either, things are bound to go wrong, and I haven't been keeping up with maintenance as much as I normally do, since we've been a little busy... and on the road a lot. Hopefully it won't be a big bill, but if it is, then we'll whip out the credit cards and deal with it later. 

My daughter is interested in biology right now. She keeps saying she doesn't want to be a vet. It may have something to do with the fact that I briefly went to vet school, and decided I didn't like it. She has lots of time to figure it out anyway. I joke with her that she will become an animal behavior specialist who will run a large equine research facility which (of course) will require an indoor arena for studies, and (of course) someone to manage the place for her.


----------



## Walkamile

Sending all my positive energy to your son and you! If I could divert the weather and have it land here so there would be one less thing for you to contend with , would happily do so. 



Vehicles are a necessary evil imo. I have a love hate relationship with both my jeep and truck. I keep mine until it is no longer feasible. So that means repairs and much preventative maintenance. Hope the bill is on the low side. Always feel like I've won a lottery when mine is less than anticipated.


----------



## RegalCharm

Acadianartist said:


> My daughter is interested in biology right now. She keeps saying she doesn't want to be a vet. It may have something to do with the fact that I briefly went to vet school, and decided I didn't like it. She has lots of time to figure it out anyway. I joke with her that she will become an animal behavior specialist who will run a large equine research facility which (of course) will require an indoor arena for studies, and (of course) someone to manage the place for her.



IMO a Vet has to be smarter than a human Dr. because a Vet's patients can't talk and tell you where it hurts.

Lol I see you are working on having an indoor where you can ride and a Job that momma would enjoy. :rofl:


----------



## tinyliny

RegalCharm said:


> :rofl: don't you hate it when you have to explain your jokes? And if they don't know about the bells I wonder if they know who Pavlov was and his experiments with training dogs.





I don't want to derail the thread, but here's your morning funny, playing off the phone, and non-fossilized understanding , or lack there of. . . . 



these teens were given the task of dialing a certain number on a rotary phone, with 3 minutes to figure it out.


----------



## Acadianartist

What an awesome video @Tiny. I will be showing it to my kids next time they make fun of older people for not knowing now to do something technical. 

When you think about it though, if you've never used one of these, it's not intuitive.


----------



## loosie

SueC said:


> Excellent news, @Acadianartist! :hug:
> 
> My DH just told me a joke, and I think you'll enjoy this one too.
> 
> Pavlov was in a bar having a beer. The phone rang, and he said, "Oh no! I have to go and feed my dogs!"
> 
> (For non-fossilised readers, phones used to have actual bells in them that did the ringing!)


THAT is a 'Dad joke'. Only worth one ha!


----------



## loosie

That gave me a giggle Tiny - who would have thought it was so difficult to use an old fashioned phone! I think I still have one in the cupboard - must see if my kids can work it out.


----------



## tinyliny

@loosie be sure to video their attempts. It ISN't intuitive. But, darn funny to watch their thinking process on it.


----------



## Acadianartist

Day 2 of cycle 3 chemo done. 

He has to go back tomorrow. We live 30 minutes from the hospital and this is what they're forecasting: 

*Warnings*

3:39 PM AST Tuesday 12 February 2019
*Winter storm warning in effect for:* 


Fredericton and Southern York County
 Hazardous winter conditions are expected.

A winter storm will affect New Brunswick with significant snow, blowing snow, and ice pellets on Wednesday.

A low pressure system approaching from the southwest will cross the Maritimes on Wednesday. Snow will begin ahead of this system late tonight in the southwest and spread to the northeast by mid morning on Wednesday. Total snowfall amounts of 20 to 40 cm are expected. Snow will combine with strong easterly winds gusting to 70 km/h to give reduced visibility in snow and blowing snow.

Snow is expected to change over to ice pellets by noon over southern and central New Brunswick. The strong winds in combination with the ice pellets will continue to cause difficult travel conditions into the afternoon. The precipitation may switch briefly to rain or freezing rain in the afternoon along the Bay of Fundy, before diminishing to scattered flurries Wednesday night as the system moves off into the Gulf of St. Lawrence.
Prepare for quickly changing and deteriorating travel conditions. Visibility will be suddenly reduced to near zero at times in heavy snow and blowing snow. There may be a significant impact on rush hour traffic in urban areas.


----------



## Acadianartist

I tried to convince hubby to stay in a hotel for the night near the hospital. They could be 2 minutes away. He won't hear of it. Says he can drive my son in. I don't like it one bit.

Some better news: my car was fixed for less than 300$. Some kind of part on the arm of something something (sorry, I stopped paying attention when he told me it was easily fixed). But I will need a tie rod end soon. Estimate is only 225$. So I can deal with that if it will keep my car safe and on the road a little longer. We are putting a lot of mileage on it these days and it needs to be reliable.


----------



## horselovinguy

I hope the weather holds off or at least leaves roads clear for safer driving conditions.
Glad the series is under way as that _green light in the tunnel_* is getting brighter!!*

As for your car...
Replace the tie rod end sooner not later.
Have the garage check the other side at the same time for excess wear...
Also spend the money and get a wheel alignment done when they do the rod end so you do not encounter pulling when you brake nor if your tire is not aligned properly you will wear out your front tire{s} in no time...another expense you not need nor a blow-out if you miss the wear pattern.
:runninghorse2:...
_jmo..._


----------



## Acadianartist

horselovinguy said:


> I hope the weather holds off or at least leaves roads clear for safer driving conditions.
> Glad the series is under way as that _green light in the tunnel_* is getting brighter!!*
> 
> As for your car...
> Replace the tie rod end sooner not later.
> Have the garage check the other side at the same time for excess wear...
> Also spend the money and get a wheel alignment done when they do the rod end so you do not encounter pulling when you brake nor if your tire is not aligned properly you will wear out your front tire{s} in no time...another expense you not need nor a blow-out if you miss the wear pattern.
> :runninghorse2:...
> _jmo..._


Yes, they are ordering the part so we can get it done, and will do an alignment. I'll also ask them about the other side, thanks.


----------



## tinyliny

I'm sure you don't want to even consider giving over the mental real estate to considering a new car, but . . . . . there comes a time when an old car will start to have one 'moderate' repair need after another. And, the 'moderate' cost will start to be in the high hundreds, instead of low hundreds . . over and over again. It becomes a trap becuase you feel like , "well, I just put in $500, so I can't just abandon this car now that it needs another $500 . If it only takes this one, this $500 more, then I'll have a functioning car again. I can deal with that!".


And, it becomes a trap, because the more you invest in keeping the old car running, the less willing you are to pull the plug on it. 



Now, I am the QUEEN of driving old, payed for cars. I believe whole-heartedly in useing a thing until it is used up, totally. But, I put SOOOO much money into my old Subaru Outback. I should have seen the writing on the wall and bit the bullet at 205k miles and moved on. My son got another 10 K out of it, and we sold it, but if I were to amortize all that I spent on keeping it going from 185K onward, it would make those very expensive miles!


Those AWD vehicles can be expensive to maintain.


----------



## Acadianartist

I hear what you're saying @Tiny, but I drive Volvos and 200 000km is nothing to them (remember, these aren't miles). I gave up my last one when it had 350 000 kms on it and only because the body was badly rusted and it made no sense to repaint it. I kept up on the maintenance and replaced bushings, but nothing major ever failed. Sold it cheap 5 years ago. It's still on the road. 



This one has not been expensive to maintain, and unless you buy a new car every 4 years, you'll be hard-pressed to find a vehicle that won't have some maintenance eventually. I have driven many makes, and feel Volvos are the most reliable in the long term. My Volvos have outlasted many of my husband's trucks. So as long as the bill is reasonable, I'm happy to keep it on the road.


----------



## Change

I'm so glad to hear the results from round one were positive. Be safe in the weather as you travel for round two. {hugs}


----------



## Acadianartist

Not much news to report. We made it safe to the hospital despite the storm. My son is getting chemo again tomorrow, which will complete his round 3. I finally heard back from the oncologists last Friday who still have not made a decision about radiation. They will do a CT scan after the last round (# 4) and make a decision based on those results. 

Have been feeling tired, and, well, just drained I guess. My son seems to be feeling down these days, which doesn't help. I keep telling him just one more round, but I can tell he's so tired of all the procedures, and the chemo is making him sicker and sicker. 

Hard to stay positive, but I know we will be glad when it is over and he's all better. Just a little longer...


----------



## Hondo

Gotta look for anything positive. The fact that the doc's didn't jump right in and want to start radiation RIGHT NOW seems like a good thing. Sounds like they are thinking maybe he won't need it. So that's good news! Something to get excited about.


----------



## SueC

:hug: to all of you. Hang in there. Have you got something nice planned to celebrate the end of this chemo round?


----------



## Acadianartist

SueC said:


> :hug: to all of you. Hang in there. Have you got something nice planned to celebrate the end of this chemo round?


Thanks Sue. 

Hard to plan anything when we never know how he's going to feel. Today was his worst day yet. He was screaming and crying in pain - for hours AFTER the chemo was over, telling me he needs the pain to stop, and can't take it anymore. He told me nothing brings him joy anymore, and that he hates everything. He has finally settled down. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. 

The hospital is planning on making him a special football cake for his last round of chemo. As luck would have it, his very last day of chemo should be on March 11th. On March 12th, he turns 16. It isn't going to be the celebration I wanted, but at least he'll be done with chemo. 

I had originally (before cancer) planned on putting together a big collage of photos of him for his 16th birthday, and doing a slide show with the whole family. 16 is such a milestone. But I don't know if it's a good idea now. I think it will just make him feel sadder. Maybe I'll wait until his 18th birthday so we can include pics of him after cancer.


----------



## boots

My heart hurts for you @Acadianartist. For you, your boy, and your family.

In my experience, there is nothing worse than having one of your children hurting. (Mine was my middle daughter. She was super sick in her teen years. And now has chronic problems. But manages amazingly well.)

Anyway, us Mamas are tough. Even when we're not. 

A cyber hug to you.


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

I'm so sorry he's not feeling well. I can only imagine the pain he's feeling, and you're feeling as a result, but you're doing a great job of staying positive and strong, and I'm sure that's helping him so much. Million hugs sent your way, I wish I could do more :-( :hug:


----------



## Walkamile

Oh, how difficult, beyond difficult as a mom to have to stand by and feel helpless to ease your child's suffering. You are an amazing person and mother. Hugs to you and your son. Truly, better days are just ahead.


----------



## SueC

I'm very sorry to hear that, @Acadianartist. :hug: Is there any kind of sedation or painkiller that can be offered to chemotherapy patients at the horrible end of the cycle? It would be great if you didn't have to be very conscious for that kind of thing...


----------



## tinyliny

I'm so distressed imagining how this must have been for you. Not being able to relieve our child's pain is the worst torture. 



I didn't know that chemotherapy was painful. Iknow very little about it. 



I remember when my oldest brother fell off a moving car he was bumper riding, and fractured his skull. He was 18, and could not be given any kind of narcotic pain relief. He kept begging my mom to put him out of his misery. It was very hard for a few days.There is nothing to do but get through it.


I think you are right to wait a bit to do the birthday celebration. Hang in there.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks all.

@*SueC* - I gave him all I could. I doubled the dose of extra strength Tylenol (as per drs who said I can do that on occasion), gave him two Gravol along with his regular anti-nausea meds. He'd have to be admitted to receive anything more. 

@*Tiny* - chemo has different effects on different people. Nausea is common, but some people also have tingling in extremities and bone pain. My son is getting the latter. He could barely walk and he is a 5 ft 11 190 lb athlete. I had an uncle who described it as the pain you get when you stub your toe, only, it doesn't go away. 

He did finally go to sleep last night, so I assume the pain got slightly better. I checked on him at 10, and he gave me a big hug. It's almost 8 am, and he's still in bed. I won't wake him up for school today. Hoping today is better. 

We may investigate the use of medical marijuana to get him through the next cycle. Just one more...


----------



## RegalCharm

@Acadianartist You might ask the Dr. if Lyrica would help with the nerve end pain and bones hurting.

I have neuropathy in my feet, legs, and hands. Feels like people just randomly sticking needles in the effected parts of your body. It does help with my bones aching. Doesn't total relieve the pain altogether but it would be much worse without it.

Good that it finally stopped enough so he could get to sleep. I hope today is a much better day for him.


----------



## carshon

My heart just aches for you @Acadianartist I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel. I am still praying for your son - he has shown such bravery for a young man. And for you and your entire family.

Just one more will become your mantra I am sure - hoping for a better today for your son


----------



## Foxhunter

Still humming from this side of the pond. 

When my niece was on chemo and steroids she got what the call 'the eats' absolutely nothing quenched their appetite. Verity about four, could eat three large potatoes roasted. Two heads of broccoli and a whole chicken in the course of an hour. 
She couldn't explain what the pain was like so Sis asked an older girl having the same treatment and was told it was as if someone was cutting into your stomach with a knife and the only way to stop the pain was to eat but, because of the hole the food just fell out. 

He will get through it. The great thing about our brains is that although we can recall that something hurt we cannot feel the actual pain or discomfort,


----------



## LoriF

I've had pain that I just couldn't get away from no matter what I did. It's horrible and all I could do is hide from everyone and sit in the back room and cry. I didn't want anyone to see my misery because I felt that they couldn't do anything and would just feel bad. 

I hope that your son has a better day today and I'm glad that he was able to rest some. I think of you guys all of the time.


----------



## Acadianartist

Foxhunter said:


> Still humming from this side of the pond.
> 
> When my niece was on chemo and steroids she got what the call 'the eats' absolutely nothing quenched their appetite. Verity about four, could eat three large potatoes roasted. Two heads of broccoli and a whole chicken in the course of an hour.
> She couldn't explain what the pain was like so Sis asked an older girl having the same treatment and was told it was as if someone was cutting into your stomach with a knife and the only way to stop the pain was to eat but, because of the hole the food just fell out.
> 
> He will get through it. The great thing about our brains is that although we can recall that something hurt we cannot feel the actual pain or discomfort,


He's the opposite: it hurts too much to swallow, so he's been on liquids lately. But normally, a day or two after chemo he goes back to eating normally. He hasn't lost a lot of weight, so I think he'll go back to normal once it is all over.


----------



## Acadianartist

RegalCharm said:


> @*Acadianartist* You might ask the Dr. if Lyrica would help with the nerve end pain and bones hurting.
> 
> I have neuropathy in my feet, legs, and hands. Feels like people just randomly sticking needles in the effected parts of your body. It does help with my bones aching. Doesn't total relieve the pain altogether but it would be much worse without it.
> 
> Good that it finally stopped enough so he could get to sleep. I hope today is a much better day for him.


Thanks, will look into this. He's still in bed, it's been about 24 hours since he's had anything to eat, but he won't get up. Not in as much pain as before though. I'm giving him juice so he doesn't get too dehydrated. I'll feel better once he is up and able to sit and watch tv at least.


----------



## horselovinguy

Hugs...just many, many hugs for all of you.

Can your son tolerate and like dairy?
Ice cream?
A thick shake is easily swallowed, soothing to the throat and cold so numbing...
Offers some nutrition...

Since swallowing is hurtful...
Did they give you scripts for liquid Tylenol or other pain/nausea medication to help him...
If it is in a pill it is also in a liquid form...

Have I said hugs are sent...many of them.

I think you should plan a_ *large*_ birthday celebration...
16 is a milestone...and nothing should take away from that significance.
So not the day after his chemo...but a few weeks later, absolutely yes!!
Anticipation, something good to look forward to...
Motivation to get through the last set of infusion drugs... 

_Oh yes, there *would* be a party. 
__16 years...*and he is here!!!*_
:runninghorse2:...


----------



## tinyliny

medical marijuana is a good idea. just have to get the right mix of the different types. I think for pain, the CBD high content is what you want.


----------



## Acadianartist

Just updating to say he's better today. He was up a little after lunchtime, and ate a big plate of leftover fish and potatoes I had saved for him from last night's supper. 

I'm very relieved he is more or less back to normal. Kids are so resilient!


----------



## Acadianartist

Well, he is in good spirits this week, and seems to be feeling just fine. He's getting excited about football season, and has been working on ordering letter jackets for his team, thinking of fundraising ideas involving selling merchandise at games, etc. It's great to see him this fired up! Except...

All of the above he's doing with his high school football friends, which is great. High school football season doesn't start until fall, and we have every expectation that he will play by then. But we also just found out he was recruited to play in the under 18 provincial football team (recruitment is based on last fall's football season). This is a big commitment, with training and tryouts starting in April, and a pretty big chunk of money (over 1000$) just to have a chance to play provincially. He has played for the provincial team for the last three years, but this year will obviously be different. 

As a parent, I'm torn. Can he successfully try out and beat the odds? Makes for a great come-back story, or alternatively, a heartbreaking one. I've contacted his favorite oncologist (we've dealt with three pretty regularly, but this guy seems to get him) to ask him to talk to my son about this. I don't want to prevent him from trying, but he should be prepared for the fact that he may not get chosen to play. And he can't have any contact until his port comes out anyway - so I need a date for that before he can do much other than run around. He has been going to the gym and doing whatever he can to stay fit. He hasn't lost any significant weight, and doesn't have any physical symptoms that might prevent him from playing (ie, no shortness of breath, dizziness, etc. except on his chemo days and a day or two after). But obviously, he's not anywhere near as fit as he was before this all happened. 

On the one hand, this is a great motivator. Think about how you would feel if you had been banned from riding for months... you'd be dying to get back in the saddle. But on the other hand, it will be heartbreaking to watch him struggle, and it will be hard on his self-confidence if he doesn't make the team. Maybe we can let him try, and prepare him for the fact that there's a 90% chance he won't be chosen this year? 

Thoughts?


----------



## gottatrot

Take it with a grain of salt that I don't have kids, I've just been a kid and remember.

I think trying and even failing is a good and important part of learning about life. You learn that you might hope and want something, but it doesn't always work out, but in the end that's not so bad after all. Plus it teaches you that the trying and "journey" is a big part of what is great about life. Even for someone going through what he is going through, it's still life, and he's still a kid learning about how to cope with a future where some things work out the way we want and some don't.


----------



## Acadianartist

Wise words @gottatrot. And thanks for still reading the updates on this ridiculously long thread


----------



## Knave

Money aside, I was thinking about my kid and basketball. She is thrilled to be invited to be on a traveling team. She was so excited she accidentally spit all over me when she found out. Hopefully there will be a lot of donations from the town to cover a lot of the costs of the team.

Now, if she were in the situation your son is in, I would struggle. If I knew it wouldn’t negatively effect the treatment I think I would let her though. 

It would give him a thing to look forward to. It would give him something to work towards and keep him strong mentally and physically. If he stands on the sideline more than he is used to, it teaches him to rise when he has fallen. I am sure to be as good as he is he is dedicated and works hard, but it would be a new motivation. A life lesson in coming from the bottom, and a lesson in how to even more be a team player. The hardest person on a team to be is the guy at the bottom; it is easy to be in the spotlight. These are all good things to learn, and would probably make him better for it.


----------



## carshon

I think having the oncologist talk to him is a good idea. And I am not going to sugar coat this (I don't want to be hurtful either) I am not sure where they are directing your sons chemo and realize that he may not need radiation - but football may be out for the future. I only say this because the effects of chemo and radiation on the body are long term and some of those side effects do not appear until months or even years after the last treatment. My BIL in dealing with this now - he had stage 4 throat cancer and did both chemo and radiation - and worked through the entire treatment time. he felt pretty good. Now 3 years later the vertebrae in his neck and his lower jaw are soft and crumbling - he has many surgeries to look forward to in his future. The combined effects of chemo and radiation made his bones weak. He is 53 years old now so not an old man. The depending on what further treatments your son may need his ability to play any contact sports in the future could be jeopardized. I sympathize with you, I am a former football Mom. My life revolved around football for 20+ years - my stepson was a standout for his high school and went on to play in college and my son was all conference while in High School and had scholarship offers to play in college - I know how deep that passion can run.

My prayers are with you still - and for your son - that football still gets to remain a huge part of his life and he gets to rejoin his team mates


----------



## Kalraii

I don't have much to add other than you are in my thoughts. Even when I wasn't in a good place to even log on I thought about you and your sons plight. I'm glad to see things are progressing though. He has so much to live for and with a mum like you and a personality like his even this opportunity wouldn't be his last! xx


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks all. 
@carshon, I think cancer treatments vary tremendously from one type of cancer to another, and depending on staging. The effects of the treatments on each individual are also very different. My sister-in-law's sister was left with severe arthritis after a very advanced cancer in her 20s, and has had a hip replacement. On the other hand, my cousin married a former CFL player who had Hodgkin's lymphoma not just once, but twice. He never stopped being active, even kept jogging every day throughout treatments (though he says his jogging on some days was pretty sluggish!). My other sister-in-law was much more fit after she survived stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma than she was before. She's now an aerobics instructor, but before she had cancer, she wasn't really into fitness. Cancer made her decide not to take her health for granted. So there are lots of examples of people doing very well after cancer, including some professional athletes and Olympians. 

In the case of my son's cancer and staging, the oncologists are confident that he will play again by fall. Keep in mind, this is high school football, we are not talking big leagues. He is a very good player, but I think we all know already that he won't be a professional player - and that has nothing to do with cancer. He's very good, but not quite at that level. 

So far, everything the oncologists have said has been bang on. And they said football this spring would be unlikely, but that it wasn't completely out of the question. Whether or not he will have radiation will probably have a significant impact on that. I do think he will play again. He may play better than ever (he played last fall with cancer, he just didn't know it), or not. But it's not like he was planning on a career in football, it's just a fun thing to do. They are continuously doing blood work, monitoring his heart and lungs, and so far, everything looks great. 

But yeah... I don't know about playing as early as spring/summer... but I can't tell him not to try. If he tries and fails, at least he can feel good about trying anyway, and everyone will understand.


----------



## Acadianartist

Today 10 boys from his football team shaved their heads at school to support him! How amazing is that. I thought they'd changed their minds or forgotten. It comes at a great time, and they are some pretty amazing kids! My son was smiling from ear to ear the whole time, and they took a bunch of selfies after.


----------



## LoriF

That's really cool. At your sons age, friends are so important. I'm happy that they are with him all the way.


----------



## aubie

It is amazing. Friends are important. And team sports you learn so much.


----------



## chanciesmom

Hugs and prayers to you and your family.as the others have said- post post- whatever, whenever you need to-advancements in treatments/chemo. is constant.love to your family. as you know your horses will be a big stress reliever/helper.God bless you.


----------



## aubie

Think about you bump& so you want have to look far for thread.


----------



## Acadianartist

Back in hospital for chemo today. It helps to think about this being the last cycle. There's another snowstorm today, but only 15 cm this time, so not too bad. I drove him in and the roads were good this morning. I think they're getting worse. An accident victim was just brought into the ER. 

I had bandanas made for my son with his team logo on it. When I told my parents that 11 guys from his team shaved their heads for him, my dad offered to buy everyone bandanas with the team logo so we're focusing on ordering those (he has ideas for a different design) to distract him a bit. 

This whole thing is putting a strain on us all though. I've been pretty short-tempered lately. I just don't have the energy to put up with much anymore.


----------



## Knave

I am sorry. You are strong. You are doing amazing, and hopefully you are almost through the battle.


----------



## carshon

@Acadianartist You have every right to be angry, exhausted, sad, hurt or whatever emotion you are feeling. It is hard to try to go about every day acting like Cancer is no big deal. It is! We are here for you.... sending cyber hugs


----------



## JCnGrace

Hang in there Acadian, we are all here rooting for your son, you and the rest of the family.


----------



## SueC

Sending more love and best wishes to you and your family. :hug:

That is very cool about the boys shaving their heads in support.

And now I'm going to tell you about a weird conversation I had with my DH last night.

For some reason we were talking about lion tamers, and he was remarking how they stick their heads in the lions' jaws. So I said, "They probably have something really gross smeared in their hair that the lion finds absolutely disgusting!" :Angel:

And he replied, "What if they have no hair?" I explained that then they would need to apply wax polish to their heads to that effect. He went completely hysterical at that idea :rofl:, and it got worse when I started reporting to him the visual images I was getting from imagining Turtle Wax (a car polish here) on Kojak's head, and how the water would bead off his head if he was walking in the rain, if he Turtle Waxed it.

He then said he would never invite the lead singer of Midnight Oil to our house in case it tempted me to get the Turtle Wax out...


----------



## horselovinguy

A time to re-energize you, your son and entire family soon shall be at hand.
The long bleak road has a new shiny appearance to entice you along...
Our encouragement and prayers go with you on this journey...
You shall see it to the end and get to rejoice with your son when the words are said, "All clear, it is gone and he beat it!"....
There is a inner strength in all of us that we need to tap into when the going is worst...you have reached your point of needing those reserves...
Hang in there....take energies from all of us supporting you and yours...
We're pulling hard for the very bestest of outcome...together
_hugs._

_hlg._


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks all. @SueC I love the conversations you have with your husband. Hilarious! Maybe I need to put Turtle Wax (we have that brand too) in my hair so Rusty stops trying to eat it! Oh, and my tuques too... I will be quite a sight.

Last day of his three-day chemo. After today, he will just have Monday's chemo and we will be done. You'd think we'd want to celebrate, and hopefully we will, but it all depends on his mindset and it is hard to read a 15-year old with cancer. I know he feels we could not possibly understand what he is going through, and he's right. 

When I ask how he is, he seems annoyed at me, so I try not to ask too much. He won't tell me what he wants for his birthday, but I've told him his dad and I are looking at cars for him... cheap cars, mind you, nothing cool, just something to get him around. He's not really excited about it. The only time I see him laugh is when he is on his phone or computer, talking to his friends. And I'm grateful for that. I mean, in that sense, he's a normal teenager right? So I try to just stay out of the way. But I wish I knew what he wants. I often ask a good friend of mine who had childhood cancer what she hated most, and what she would have liked her parents to have done. She found the isolation from her friends to be the worst (she had cancer throughout her teen years and was out of school for a lot of it). At least he doesn't feel completely isolated, though obviously, he doesn't feel like he's one of them. 

I think he will feel good when they say the cancer's gone and he doesn't need radiation. None of us wants to get too excited yet. But it's like football, sometimes you win a game one yard at a time. He knows not to get excited about winning the game until the timer runs out.


----------



## tinyliny

I remember when my teenage sons started to close down to me. Or, at least that's how it felt. They had always been so open with me, so approachable. Then, while they weren't always surly about it, they made it known that I wasn't welcome in their world . . not too much. My younger did become quite surly for a good many years. He would stand and face me, stone faced and implaccable, and hear me out, then turn without a word and go do as I asked, or answer my question in the fewest words possible, waiting until I would 'release' him to go back downstairs to his computer or games or phone or whatever . It was very aggravating.


Now, at 23, he is temporarily living at home again and comes home and we talk about his work, and his ideas. All that old stuff is gone again. Thank God!


----------



## Acadianartist

Sounds familiar @Tiny. My daughter still talks to me about stuff, but not him. Which is fine. He especially doesn't want to talk about cancer. He does spend a lot of time talking about football with his dad, and they hang out a lot, much like DD and me. It's a guy thing, and a football thing I guess. 

I remember when he was little, I would lie down with him in bed to tuck him in and he'd tell me everything that was on his mind. Not now. But hopefully, like you, he will want to talk to his boring horse-crazy mom again someday.


----------



## gunslinger

Acadianartist said:


> Sounds familiar @*Tiny* . But hopefully, like you, he will want to talk to his boring horse-crazy mom again someday.



I really think this will pass........every son knows no one loves him like his mother does.....


----------



## Change

As the mother of 3 grown sons, I can assure you they do come back around - sometimes enough that you wish they'd shut up! LOL!


Remember what I said earlier about taking time out for yourself to allow yourself to cry? Well, the same holds true for being angry. Go out behind the barn and scream your rage and anger at the ghods. Get it out there. Holding it in doesn't do anyone any good.

And then come vent to us. We'll always be your team.


----------



## SueC

That's right. Here's a dozen venting vouchers from me, redeemable anytime and easily renewable!


----------



## Acadianartist

Just wanted to tell you all that he did his very last day of chemo yesterday. That's right, he's done with chemo! 

I'm feeling some relief about that. We will not know how much the cancer has shrunk until early April, but knowing that chemo is over is encouraging. Today is his 16th birthday. He's still asleep (it's 8 am here, and he's not going to school this morning, though he may go in later if he feels up to it). We got him a few things for his birthday, and I decided we would all pitch in and do a complete bedroom reno for him as a gift. The hospital staff got him a giant Cowboys helmet decal to put on a wall (it's 4 ft x 4.5 ft), and he badly needs a bedroom makeover (still has toys in there from when he was little). It feels like the right time for a new beginning for him. 

Will come back and let you know when we find out more about the status of the cancer. Thanks for reading everyone. It has really helped more than you can all imagine. I can write things in here that I can't say to people who are closer to the situation.


----------



## Knave

Yay! I am happy for you both. It definitely seems like a good time for a new chapter to begin.


----------



## carshon

Yeah! So happy for your family. Still sending prayers that the news you receive in April is positive.


----------



## Acadianartist

Unfortunately, I just found out that he will have surgery to remove his port in mid-April, and he will need two weeks of recovery time after that. The tryouts for the provincial team start in mid-April and they do the first cut, only allowing the best 80 players to move ahead for the next series of tryouts in May. I don't know that he'll be able to try out even if he doesn't need radiation... which is really going to upset him. 

I know I should just be happy that we're done with chemo, but I know he wants life to get back to normal, and this is going to be a setback. I suppose it may be for the best. He needs to give himself time to recover. We'll just have to regroup and aim to get him back on the field in the fall I guess.


----------



## Knave

I am sorry. Maybe he needed the time though. A break might be nice anyways, and he can work on building his fitness level back up before fall. I hope his birthday is good despite the disappointment.


----------



## horselovinguy

Why not speak to your son and see if he wants to talk to one of the coaches who know him and his ability...
His condition is known he is recovering from chemo and based upon his past performance on the field he may be given a pass on first round, and then need to concentrate for second cut...
That would buy you, him some time to heal and heal he must from the port removal or it is seriously dangerous for him.
Yes, there is disappointment possibly but....
He is not a child but young adult and some of growing up is taking on the pains of adulting...he has had his and more than his fair share as of late though...
I hope he understands his health is a forever thing that must be taken care of or there is no future...
Football, as much as it may hurt will be there later and next year.
There are other sports he may decide to work toward to build back his condition and strengths...something to maybe gently speak of if football is a no-go...
You just never know...he may find another sport played at a different season of the year he excels at too.

:runninghorse2:...


----------



## Acadianartist

Knave said:


> I am sorry. Maybe he needed the time though. A break might be nice anyways, and he can work on building his fitness level back up before fall. I hope his birthday is good despite the disappointment.


I decided I don't need to tell him today. Let him have a day off, enjoy the end of chemo and his birthday as much as he can. I'm usually very honest and up-front with my kids, but this time, I think he can wait a day or two before we have to have that conversation. 

Meantime, I'll talk to DH about whether we should reach out to the provincial coach to see if he can try out in round 2. They are aware of the situation. Maybe they can work something out. But DH should really be in on that conversation since he is in closer contact with the football coaches than I am. 

Today, I've decided we will celebrate, not be disappointed.


----------



## rambo99

Acadianartist said:


> I decided I don't need to tell him today. Let him have a day off, enjoy the end of chemo and his birthday as much as he can. I'm usually very honest and up-front with my kids, but this time, I think he can wait a day or two before we have to have that conversation.
> 
> Meantime, I'll talk to DH about whether we should reach out to the provincial coach to see if he can try out in round 2. They are aware of the situation. Maybe they can work something out. But DH should really be in on that conversation since he is in closer contact with the football coaches than I am.
> 
> Today, I've decided we will celebrate, not be disappointed.



Glad to hear he's done with the chemo that's great news,i've kept you're son in my prayers and thoughts and will continue with prayers for him and you're family. You are very right to just wait and let him enjoy his day off and his birthday & being done with chemo. Hopefully he can try out in the second go round,keep us posted on how that turns out.


----------



## Acadianartist

Good news... sort of.

The tumour review board met to discuss my son's case again last week. The latest tests showed the cancer is 96% gone. That is fantastic, and falls into the rapid response category, which would normally mean no radiation. 

However, they are still concerned about the spot on the lung. The main oncologist who has been working with him from the beginning says his first instinct was to just keep watching it because it's a very tiny spec, and has not changed significantly throughout treatments (if it were cancer, it would likely have shrunk in response to the chemo since the rest of the masses did). However, he says the tumour review board convinced him that it would be safer to do a biopsy now. The logic is that if they adopt a wait and see approach, and three months from now, at his check-up, the mass has grown and they find out it's cancerous, the process starts all over (ie, chemo, etc.). If they do a biopsy now, and it's cancerous, they will do radiation, but no more chemo. So while the oncologist suspects it is nothing, and claims it is a "remote possibility" that it could be cancer, he feels it's wise to make sure. Hard to disagree of course, but it means another surgery to take a piece of his lung out which is at least 3 days in hospital and, of course, recovery. This will also push his port surgery back. 

It's a no-brainer that we have to do this, but my son is not happy. I did tell him it was his decision (I might have overturned it if he had made the wrong decision, but he didn't). So we're just holding our breath just a little bit longer while we wait to find out what the biopsy will reveal. My biggest worry is that it is a secondary cancer that is not responding to chemo, but that's highly unlikely.

In terms of football, I'm afraid he is having a hard time facing reality. He is at tryouts today for the provincial team. We are letting him do tryouts, but he still cannot have contact. I'm not sure how this is all going to play out. He got quite upset Friday night when his dad said he can't bench press 185 lbs at tryouts. They have the option of lifting 150, 185 or 200 lbs. Last year he did 185, but this year, he's only lifting 175 at home. So dad said you're doing 150 at tryouts. He got mad and went in his room for a while, and was out of sorts the rest of the evening, but I fully support my husband. Better to do a little less and do it well, then set himself up for failure or worse, hurt himself. I worry that he will not make the team, or will have to drop out at some point, and will be crushed. It's the only thing he's thinking of right now, but it has been a great motivator. I know it seems silly, and his life is much more important than one football season, but think of how hard it is to be told you can't ride. This is what he lives for. I worry he will fall into a depression without it. 

Anyway, we are trying to focus on the positive, and are hopeful that we are nearing the end.


----------



## Acadianartist

He bench-pressed 185 lbs 3 times today at football tryouts. I don't know what he said to dad to convince him to let him do it, but he did. And he feels great. I don't know what to think, but I don't have the heart to stop him. He talked to the head coach and told him about the two upcoming surgeries so they have all the information going forward. We'll see how it plays out I guess.


----------



## SueC

Clearly, your son is still immortal. :Angel:

Just like we used to be. ;-)


----------



## Acadianartist

SueC said:


> Clearly, your son is still immortal. :Angel:
> 
> Just like we used to be. ;-)


Hahaha... indeed!


----------



## carshon

I think often of your family - and want you to know that I keep him (and you) in my prayers.


----------



## RegalCharm

something new, research published and may help fight cancers.

https://www.livescience.com/65178-cancer-vaccine-lymphoma.html


----------



## Kalraii

I am so glad for the news even if I am late :< Your son is a TANK and my god is he gonna learn some true skills about discipline and sacrifice in the name of good health. Super valuable lessons that'll hopefully serve him and keep him safe for long years to come. Hmmm... I wonder where he got it from


----------



## aimis71

Prayers for you and your family. Lean on god he will take care of your son, your and your family.


----------



## aimis71

*Prayers*

Prayers for you and your family. Lean on god he will take care of your son, your and your family.


----------



## RegalCharm

@Acadianartist An update please on your son and how the radiation treatments went. And how is he doing with sports.


----------



## BlindHorseEnthusiast4582

@RegalCharm it seems she hasn't been online since 4/29 so it may be a while for her to reply.


----------



## LoriF

Thinking about you Acadian and hoping that you are just enjoying the spring days with your horses.


----------



## Alder

Ya me too, thinking about you.


----------



## Acadianartist

Hi all! I have been thinking about my HF too! 

But I did want to say that we're all doing great. My son will not need a biopsy, did not need radiation since the cancer is 96% gone, and he is still on the football team! There are two more cuts (they've reduced the 100 players they started with to 57, and will reduce further to 40) so he still may not make the team, but that's ok, he has already beaten the odds and surprised us all. We're so very proud. I will take him back for a round of tests in July and hope the cancer is really gone... but I have learned that life is unpredictable, and that there are never any guarantees, so while I do worry, I try to remember that every day is a gift. 

My daughter did her first riding competition last weekend. Intro hunter and some flat classes. She did ok, but has room for improvement. That's ok, they have the whole summer for that. She has also started doing dressage lessons with a high-level coach who travels to our area once every two weeks. She was one of 6 equestrians in our province to receive a 500$ bursary so she's paying for those lessons herself (at 70$ a pop)! We are loving the trailer as it allows us to go to lessons at her coach's with Harley as often as we want. 

Work is busy for me. I don't have the energy I used to have. This winter has taken a huge toll on me. But I have started taking Rusty out on trails and we are having a BLAST! He loves going out, in fact, when I come back to the barn too soon, he is like a kid at the fair going "Again, again!!!" so I let him putter around the yard, sometimes we even do another loop around the property. He is fearless and loves exploring every little trail we can find, so we are heading out further and further every time. He is such a great partner. 

So that's the update so you all know we are fine. We are great. I miss you all. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there. You made a difference.


----------



## Acadianartist

Oh, and just so you know, I did check on you all once in a while, which is why I came back to respond to those who still check this thread. I haven't forgotten any of you, and I come to HF once in a while, I just don't post anymore. But I'm still here


----------



## RegalCharm

That is really Great News about your son. Fingers crossed that he can make the cuts and play ball like he wants to do. And your daughter entering the world of the show ring and learning to ride dressage she needs to exchange thoughts with Spanish Rider and maybe get some tips from what she has learned.

You had a lot on your plate this past winter so it is natural for you to feel wiped out after all that. What you held in during your sons ordeal takes a toll on you emotionally and physically. So now it is time to take a deep breath and recuperate yourself . 


Also I do not see your avatar. Looks like it is gone. Those horsey ears were probably the only examples of horse ears with dots.


----------



## Acadianartist

Just for you @*RegalCharm* , here are those polka dot ears from a trail ride we did two days ago. And as a bonus, this look I caught while I was taking photos of my daughter jumping and Rusty was watching... this is the most expressive horse I have ever met! LOL You can almost see him thinking with those squinty eyes.


----------



## RegalCharm

Thinking look at those two showing off. I can do that blindfolded. LOL......


----------



## Acadianartist

RegalCharm said:


> Thinking look at those two showing off. I can do that blindfolded. LOL......


Yes, I swear he was thinking about doing it himself. The other day on the trail, he jumped over a stream and I was totally fine! I could see he was about to jump it, so I instinctively raised myself out of the saddle a bit and leaned forward so I was in 2-point without even thinking about it. It was awesome! I feel so totally stable on him. And to think, he's just turned 7! We are going to have decades of great adventures.


----------



## carshon

So happy to hear these great updates! And glad you are having a blast with Rusty


----------



## RegalCharm

Riding, playing with, grooming or just relaxing with horses makes the world go away. Horse may come and go, but when that special one comes into your life it is magical. There are just no words that can explain it exactly but Rusty is one of those magical horses I think.


----------



## Acadianartist

RegalCharm said:


> Riding, playing with, grooming or just relaxing with horses makes the world go away. Horse may come and go, but when that special one comes into your life it is magical. There are just no words that can explain it exactly but Rusty is one of those magical horses I think.


I can't say enough good things about Rusty. He runs up to me in the pasture just because. He follows me around. He is a big goof, but there isn't a mean bone in his body. He takes me places with complete trust and fearlessness. No matter how I am feeling, or what I am doing, he's right beside me going "Hey human! Watcha doing? Can I help?" lol He is a total extrovert, and just loves life. He is a very special horse and I feel so lucky that I was entrusted with him. 

I have to say though, that Kodak has been a rock for me this winter too. Rusty is fun and interactive, but she would just come up to me and stand beside me, not touching. I would reach a hand out and lay it on her, and she would just stand there, head lowered, taking away my pain. Sometimes I'd lean on her, and she'd just stand there. She's a mare, which can mean moody, unpredictable, but also, offering her complete loyalty. We have created a bond on the ground. It has not translated to good experiences under saddle, but she's there for me in her own way.

And of course there's Harley. Who is independant, but an old soul. Who now turns his head into me for a big head hug even though I'm pretty sure he's doing it more for me than for him. When he was acting up a bit at the show last weekend, my daughter said "Mom, you need to come give Harley a hug" so I did, and he quieted down. 

Each of them has stolen my heart in a different way, and I feel very fortunate to have had them in my life these last few months.


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

Oh I am so happy to read your updates!!!!!!!! So glad and relieved for your son and all of you.
I love the descriptions of your horses; sounds like they all completely trust and love you. They're returning all the love and commitment you've poured into them to you, when they feel you need it <3


----------



## blue eyed pony

Horses know when they're needed. I'm glad you've had them through what must be a really frightening journey for your whole family and I'm OVERJOYED to read that things are looking really great for your son! <3


----------



## QtrBel

So happy to come back and read such a positive outcome! Horses seem to have sense about what we need and offer so freely of themselves. Keeping ya'll in my prayers and thoughts.


----------



## Acadianartist

Wanted to share the incredible news: our son made the final cut. He is going to the Canada Cup to represent our province! Three months after his last chemo treatment, he has out-competed bigger, stronger kids who did not have the physical challenges he did. Out of the 100 football players recruited, only 40 remain, and he's one of them! My mother's heart may well burst.


----------



## ACinATX

So amazing! So happy for you guys!


----------



## JoBlueQuarter

OMG. That is amazing, I'm so happy for you guys. You must be so proud of him! That's really great; good on him!!!! Congratulations!


----------



## SilverMaple

That's great news! I'm so glad!


----------



## carshon

What great news! I am so happy for your whole family!


----------



## LoriF

So happy to see that your son is feeling well. Pretty exciting news, it makes me smile.


----------



## SueC

Excellent!


----------



## rambo99

That is great news so glad your son is doing well.


----------



## egrogan

Congrats to him!


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks all! We are so very proud. 

And thanks for sharing your happy-ending stories, but also the harder ones. Thanks for your thoughts and support. I'd like everyone to know that a cancer diagnosis, while scary, doesn't mean you can't go back to doing what you love. His doctors never told us he couldn't play this spring, but they did say he'd most likely not play again until fall. He never believed it. He was so determined and continued to do what he could, even when it hurt, even when everyone around him kept telling him to take it easy. My own parents hinted that maybe we should keep him out of football... but I just couldn't. It was his light at the end of the tunnel, the hope that kept him going. 

I'm so grateful, and so proud. And yes, I know it can come back. We all know it in the back of our minds. But for now, he should live in the moment and savour his victory! Because it doesn't matter to me now how his team does in the Canada Cup. He's already won.


----------



## horselovinguy

Won is a understatement...:happydance::happydance:
I am so happy to read your news both football but more importantly,...*about your son!! :clap:**







*

Blessings for life successes to continue to shine down on all of you.... :smile:

_hlg._


----------



## 3Horses2DogsandaCat

Wonderful news! I'm so happy for your son!


----------



## gunslinger

Thank you lord. Another prayer answered.


----------



## buckskinbaby

Amazing. So happy for the great news. Sending prayers and best wishes to your family!


----------



## Acadianartist

Just want to say it again - you're all really awesome for caring so much. Even when HF would sometimes get annoying and glitchy, I kept coming back for all of you. You're what makes this community great. 

Ok, enough sappy posts for now... I have to get my son ready for his big trip to the Canada Cup next week. Eeep! It will be just a little harder to let him go this year, especially since hubby isn't going this time. Finances are just too tight after the winter we just had. But no worries, he is well surrounded by coaches, team managers, and teammates. Three other kids from his school have also made the final cut, so he's among friends. We will just have to watch the games from afar!


----------



## Feathers7

Just read through all of this (only been on HF for a few weeks) and needed to jump in. WOW @Acadianartist! Your son is a real CHAMP, and so are you for being such a strong mom! Such a touching part of your life you have here, and I'm so glad that your son is not only beating cancer but also the competition! All the best luck to him at the Canada Cup, and all the best to you and yours!!


----------



## RegalCharm

Great News. I hope his team wins the championship which will be second to the hard times he went through to get there. Wishing him the very best life has to offer. You and your family deserve a trophy also for all you and Dad and sister also went through with him.


A great Canadian closed his shows with the words " God Bless".

And so I too will repeat his closing line. God Bless . 

Gene


----------



## JCnGrace

Fantastic news! Wishing him and his team the best of luck!


----------



## Acadianartist

My son went to his follow-up appointment and we just found out they found a mass and suspect relapse. Relapse in less than a year of Hodgkins lymphoma is connected to very poor outcomes. They want to do a biopsy next week. I am reeling. As horrible as it was before, I never thought I would lose my son. The articles I'm reading now about HL relapse are utterly terrifying. 

Please send positive energy.


----------



## lostastirrup

Prayers for your son. There are three men I pray for whenever I think of cancer and he is one of them.


----------



## mkmurphy81

Praying for you and your son.


----------



## carshon

@Acadianartist - I am sending prayers, love, healing vibes for your family


----------



## egrogan

Hoping the next news your family gets is positive. You have lots of fans out here cheering you all on.


----------



## ACinATX

I will pray for you.


----------



## Foxhunter

Humming from across the pond.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks all.


----------



## knightrider

What terrible news. I will be praying for him.


----------



## SwissMiss

Lots of jingles coming your way! :hug:


----------



## rambo99

Sending lots of hugs and prayers for your son & family for a positive out come. So sorry for the news,prayers that you will have the strength to get through this.

(((Hugs)))


----------



## Dixiesmom

You are all on my prayer list, especially your son.


----------



## boots

Prayer up for all of you.


----------



## Spanish Rider

My son is the same age as yours, and we almost lost him when he was a baby. I will pray for your son whenever I pray for mine. :hug:


----------



## QtrBel

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I am so sorry to see this update.


----------



## tinyliny

Sending positive vibes. You and your family matter to us.


----------



## RegalCharm

So sorry to hear about this. Prayers for your son and all of the family.


----------



## jaydee

So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family. Never give up hope.


----------



## Knave

This is terrible news. I am so sorry. I will pray for your son. I wish I had something comforting to say, but words fail me. I will pray for you to find comfort as well.


----------



## Chevaux

Take as many deep breathes as you need and stay strong. You’re a great Mum and you’re a great comfort to your son right now. 

As shocking and scary as this news is, the medical processes have caught it and now it will be treated. My prayers for your family.


----------



## horselovinguy

Hugs.... the rest also sent without needing said.


_hlg._


----------



## Foxhunter

Not the good weather we have been having here, Misty rain but no low cloud as it was fairly breezy. 

I walked along to a point on the Downs where you can see most of the Island and the mainland. There is a trigometric point there which is where I say any prayers. 

I was sat on the stone when four people came along and asked me some questions bout points they could see. Two other women with their dogs appeared and then another woman and her husband. Together we linked hands and said a prayer for healing and strength for you and your family. 

They were all sincere in their wishes.

What was strange was that usually walking that way I rarely ever see anyone else even on a nice day.


----------



## Acadianartist

Foxhunter said:


> Not the good weather we have been having here, Misty rain but no low cloud as it was fairly breezy.
> 
> I walked along to a point on the Downs where you can see most of the Island and the mainland. There is a trigometric point there which is where I say any prayers.
> 
> I was sat on the stone when four people came along and asked me some questions bout points they could see. Two other women with their dogs appeared and then another woman and her husband. Together we linked hands and said a prayer for healing and strength for you and your family.
> 
> They were all sincere in their wishes.
> 
> What was strange was that usually walking that way I rarely ever see anyone else even on a nice day.


That's a lovely story Foxhunter. I feel like we need something close to a miracle now. But I will not give up and I will stay strong for my son. I have to believe he will get through this. He's beat the odds before... he can do it again. But I have a horrible sinking feeling that was not there the first time around. 

Thank you for your thoughts, prayers and positive energy everyone. It does help to feel supported. I have not yet told many people since we still await confirmation that it is what we think it is.


----------



## JCnGrace

I can't imagine how devastated you feel right now. Prayers for all of your family and cyber hugs of support and concern.


----------



## equestrianwife

Prayers for you, your son and your family. <3


----------



## greentree

All of my hugs and prayers from Kentucky!!


----------



## gunslinger

This isn't over.....He's going to get better......

1John 5

14This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. *15* And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 

I lost a son in 2007.....this isn't going to happen to you.....tears....just tears...The three greatest things in the world....Faith, Hope, Love....


I'm praying for you.


----------



## HombresArablegacy

Sending all my hopes and healing thoughts to you and your son.


----------



## RegalCharm

@Foxhunter a beautiful chance meeting of 9 people who all have faith and belief in prayer.
@gunslinger Amen...


----------



## Storm Hooves

This is terrible! I'm praying for him!


----------



## SilverMaple

Oh dear... not the update anyone wanted to see. Sending thoughts and prayers for you and your son.


----------



## Acadianartist

Thank you everyone. I am trying to be hopeful. There is the slim chance that this is not a relapse. I'm hoping for a miracle. 

Short of that, I've decided that my son is young and strong, and that he will beat this again. Even if the odds are not as good this time. People have beaten cancer with worse odds. We will fight again. And again. For as long as we need to. We are a strong family, and this will make us stronger. My son will grow up into a strong man who has gone through hell more than once, and it will give him compassion and depth of character. I choose life.


----------



## waresbear

All good vibes sent your way. Push that sinking feeling right out, now! I remember that feeling when my husband was told he had a fatal disease, it rotted inside me for 2 years, it lifted and was replaced with joy when he was transplanted. But those two years were hell. I cannot imagine if I felt that feeling for one of my children, I can't even go to that place. Your son will recover, period!


----------



## Werecat

I am so sorry to be reading this, but keeping your son, you, your family, and his doctors in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping beyond hope he will beat this. As others have said, positive vibes, you all are strong.


----------



## Acadianartist

I got my miracle. It isn't cancer! The PET scan did not light up anywhere - he is in the clear! The spot they saw was there before in previous CT scan images, they just missed it, but when it didn't light up on the PET, they went back, and there it was. It is actually smaller than it used to be, which is indicative that it was a growth that was shrunk through chemo, and what's left is scar tissue. 

I don't know who to thank, God, the universe, the power of positive thoughts coming from all over the world... whoever or whatever has given us our lives back has earned my eternal gratitude. 

THANK YOU!


----------



## ACinATX

Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:hug:


----------



## RidingWithRuby

YES! ❤ I have been following this for a while. So happy for you. What amazing news.


----------



## Kalraii

Raises celebratory drink! My heart ... your heart... phew. I hope things stay clean and clear henceforth!


----------



## egrogan

Wonderful Acadian. So relieved for you and your family, and glad you don't have to dip into those deep reserves of strength you all have. :grin:


----------



## carshon

Miracles do happen. God is Great! So happy for you and your family.


----------



## JCnGrace

Best news I've heard in a while. YAY!


----------



## LoriF

:loveshower:

Oh, so good to hear this.


----------



## knightrider

So wonderful! I am so happy for you!


----------



## horselovinguy

I knew there was a reason I clicked this thread this afternoon.............. 

What a joyous celebration to have this afternoon, this evening..and into next week..

Prayers answered, and peace in the heart and mind for all of you.

Never lose hope, never lose the fighting spirit...

I am so glad for all of you!!
:happydance::happydance::happydance:

Cyber hugs all around..























_hlg._


----------



## Knave

Thank the Lord!


----------



## SilverMaple

Woohoo! So happy to read this! Day.made.


----------



## Dixiesmom

I am so happy for all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## rambo99

That is so awesome to hear it's not cancer. Yes I believe the positive thoughts and many prayers were surely heard and anwsered. 

God bless your son and family, that his health continues to be cancer free!


----------



## Avna

Wow. I have been afraid to follow this after the last scare but glad I did anyway!!
THANK GOD.


----------



## tinyliny

What a relief!


----------



## boots

Hallelujah!


----------



## mkmurphy81

Praise God! I hope you and your family can move forward now, stronger and closer than before.


----------



## gunslinger

Acadianartist said:


> I got my miracle. It isn't cancer! The PET scan did not light up anywhere - he is in the clear! The spot they saw was there before in previous CT scan images, they just missed it, but when it didn't light up on the PET, they went back, and there it was. It is actually smaller than it used to be, which is indicative that it was a growth that was shrunk through chemo, and what's left is scar tissue.
> 
> I don't know who to thank, God, the universe, the power of positive thoughts coming from all over the world... whoever or whatever has given us our lives back has earned my eternal gratitude.
> 
> THANK YOU!



Glory be to god most high.....


----------



## Foxhunter

Praise be! 

Now your hair can stop turning grey!


----------



## Acadianartist

mkmurphy81 said:


> Praise God! I hope you and your family can move forward now, stronger and closer than before.


Indeed, I feel this has made us all closer. My husband and I really connected in the few days when we were told it was probably a relapse. I guess because we knew that the only way we would ever get through this was as a strong family.

I'm grateful for that realization. And for a closer family. And for the realization that we can all be better together - no more negativity, no more nit-picking. I am committed now to keeping this positive energy flowing so we can move past this permanently. It has been truly eye-opening.


----------



## Acadianartist

Foxhunter said:


> Praise be!
> 
> Now your hair can stop turning grey!


It's way too late for that  But who cares! 

My son barely has time to catch his breathe now, as he leaves in two days for his next adventure - one we thought we'd have to cancel. 

He was selected to go canoeing in northern Québec with 13 other teens who have survived cancer. They will be in a remote location without any technology (but accompanied by a team of 10 health and outdoor experience professionals including two doctors). They'll spend 12 days paddling to a different location each day, will set up and take down the camps, will make meals and just breathe in nature. After what my son just went through, I think the timing couldn't be better. As much as I want to hold him in my arms, I know this is a journey he needs to go on alone. 

He will be able to disconnect from technology completely, and re-connect with nature and himself. He'll be with others who understand without words. I can't wait to hear all about it. 

This is the foundation that is offering him this amazing adventure - all expenses paid including airfare, camping gear and all: 

https://tipoftoes.com/


----------



## SwissMiss

What awesome news!!!! :happydance:


----------



## RegalCharm

"Therefore I tell you,
Whatever you ask for in Prayer,
Believe that you have received it,
And it will be yours."
Mark 11:24


----------



## WildestDandelion

oh wow! Yay!!


----------



## QtrBel

Miracles happen and faith heals. I am a believer. Thank God and praise his name. This is great news! So, so happy to see this!


----------



## Acadianartist

I put him on a plane today so he can go find himself and whatever will guide him now. He's off to northern Québec on the adventure of a lifetime. It wasn't easy, but I know he'll be ok, and this will be a life-changing experience. 

Also, I thought of all of you as I watched the documentary "Heal" on Netflix. Really worth a watch. Not at all downplaying the importance of accessing modern medicine, just a great exploration on how other kinds of healing can help it along the way. There was a great section about how prayer and positive energy from the other side of the world can contribute to healing. It was explained in a fairly convincing way, and I am pretty skeptical, or I was, anyway. All I know is that my son is ok, and that people all over the world cared enough to take a moment out of their day to put their minds at work. That's enough for me. I don't need to understand right now, I am just so, so grateful for every moment.


----------



## tinyliny

Where is he going? 



When I graduated from high school, my graduation present from my dad was a trip with Outward Bound. I spent 3 weeks in the Three Sisters Wilderness Area, in Oregon State. It was a memory I will never let go. Life changeing.


----------



## Acadianartist

He was chosen to participate in a canoe trip in northern Québec in the Réservoir Manicouagan with 13 other teenaged cancer survivors. All expenses paid. It looks amazing and we feel very lucky that he gets to do this even though he felt a little insecure leaving (called me about 5 times yesterday from airports where he had to change planes, retrieve his luggage, etc. by himself for the first time). I think the timing is great and I can't wait to hear about his adventures.


----------



## QtrBel

May he have a blessed trip and find those things he's searching for or yet to realize he's going to need. Hugs to you. It can be hard but you've got this!


----------



## Woodhaven

Acadian I'm sure it took a lot on your part not to show up at the airport dragging your suitcase and a paddle tucked under your arm, all set to go with him.
A wonderful opportunity for your son and he will probably make friends on this trip who will keep in touch with him for years.

I hope he has a great time.


----------



## Acadianartist

Woodhaven said:


> Acadian I'm sure it took a lot on your part not to show up at the airport dragging your suitcase and a paddle tucked under your arm, all set to go with him.


You know it! But I put on a brave face and acted like it was no big deal. He was feeling quite vulnerable and insecure (as per the message he sent me the next morning from Québec with 25 hearts in it just before they went out of cell phone range for the next 12 days) so I needed to be the fearless mom who loves her son, but is also confident in his ability to take on this new challenge and come out the other side stronger. I didn't even cry! Well, not until the airplane left the ground and he couldn't see me. 

The thing is, as his mother, my job is to prepare him to go out into the world. I won't always be there to fix things and manage his life for him. And even though I was right there by his side for every second of every day during cancer treatments, he's still the one who had cancer. I couldn't take that away from him. He had to face up to this illness and conquer it. All we could do is offer support and love, and believe in his ability to overcome. This trip is the same. He had to face cancer, now he has to dig deep within himself to find his path forward. We can give him opportunities, support, and love, but he has to make his way forward now as the young man he is becoming. I have to watch from a distance while he spreads his wings and hope they don't break - no, BELIEVE with all my might that they won't break. 

Have I mentioned that parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life? And I've done a lot


----------



## gunslinger

Acadianartist said:


> You know it!
> 
> The thing is, as his mother, my job is to prepare him to go out into the world.
> 
> 
> I have to watch from a distance while he spreads his wings and hope they don't break - no, BELIEVE with all my might that they won't break.
> 
> Have I mentioned that parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life? And I've done a lot



That's exactly what your job is......yet, that said, the only thing greater than a mothers love for her son is gods love for his adopted sons and daughters.


I can't begin to tell you how happy I am for you.....and how delighted I am that god answered our prayers the way we asked him too....


Keep the faith......never give up hope, and love completely.


----------



## Werecat

Aaah! I can't believe I haven't seen this sooner!! So happy for you and your family!!! And that is so exciting he gets to take such an awesome trip! Hope he makes some amazing memories to look back fondly on and pave the way for many more!


----------



## Foxhunter

Acadianartist said:


> Also, I thought of all of you as I watched the documentary "Heal" on Netflix. Really worth a watch. Not at all downplaying the importance of accessing modern medicine, just a great exploration on how other kinds of healing can help it along the way. There was a great section about how prayer and positive energy from the other side of the world can contribute to healing. It was explained in a fairly convincing way, and I am pretty skeptical, or I was, anyway. All I know is that my son is ok, and that people all over the world cared enough to take a moment out of their day to put their minds at work. That's enough for me. I don't need to understand right now, I am just so, so grateful for every moment.


Years ago I recall watching a programme on TV about three women cancer survivors. They were talking about their experiences. 

This was way before chemotherapy and radium treatments. 

The youngest, in her twenties had leukaemia when she was around ten. Her parents took her to a church where prayers were directed at her. She remembers feeling that, as they prayed, it was as if someone was holding hot irons close to her skin, it was very hot but not unpleasant. 
She went into remission. 
The Drs on the panel were all saying that this can happen and it was 'luck' rather than prayer. 

The second woman went in for an operation, once opened up they saw she was riddled with cancer. She went home to die. She went into a deep depression. Her best friend came over from Australia and ouldnt let her continue with her pity party and forced her to go to the golf club telling her that she was to play a full round of golf before she died.
The woman forced her self to reach her target and think positively. She played her full round and continued to set high targets and when examined, no trace of cancer. 
Drs put this down to misdiagnosis. 

The third woman was well in her eighties. She was a very intelligent woman who had been personal assistant to some multi national company boss. She had more body pieces removed then one would think possible! 

The cancer returned as her boss retired so she decided to go see the world. She sold her properties and set off. She ended up in Ca. where she went to a self help group. She was taught self hypnosis and travelled her blood stream looking for cancer. She was told that's he cancer was like coral and she was a piranha fish gobbling it up. 

She couldn't do that because coral was pretty so her cancer was cauliflower! To start with after she did this she would feel nauseous and dry retch. She did it three times a day. Over a couple of years she returned to the UK and they couldn't find any trace of cancer. 

The Drs all waffled and came up with various reasons for it disappearing to which this elderly lady could put down. 


We do not understand the powers that are out there. The power of the human mind, the power of God or spirits. 

I am so glad your boy is doing well, now you can worry about him being eaten by a bear!


----------



## Acadianartist

Thanks @Foxhunter. And he did not get eaten by a bear  

He did, however, have the most amazing trip! He loved every minute and I can see he misses his new friends. They are staying in touch with each other. He now wants to do more trips like this. It has opened him up in ways I didn't expect. 

So again, I am so, so, exceedingly grateful.


----------



## Foxhunter

I bet he had such fun! 

Sometimes it takes something terrible to make us appreciate what we do have.


----------

