# Barn manager's daugher terribly rude



## fanofthearts (Oct 18, 2012)

I've been boarding at my current barn for 4 years now. For the first 2 it was great, the last 2 have been...okay. About 4 months ago the head BM hurt her back and her daughter took over cleaning stalls. It is a small barn only us 3 boarders, if we are out there we always helped with chores, sweep the barn, and what not. 

Since daughter has took over things have changed. Stalls are not cleaned...well she takes out about 4 scoops of soiled saw dust and throws a few scoops of new in and that's it. My horse is pretty messy in a stall, pees in the middle and makes sure he walks through it many times. About a month after daughter started I went out after not being at the barn for 2 days and my horse was standing in about 3 inches of sopping wet sawdust. This had been happening often, but I left it go. I had enough so I called the main BM and asked why his stall wasn't being cleaned. I was friendly on my voice message, I just wanted to know what was going on. 

Three days later after hearing nothing BM stopped me at the barn and in front of another boarder explained that I needed to have my horse tested for some kind of disorder on why he pees so much. If I had an issue with their stall cleaning, I could leave. BM said their daughter told her she had been using a scoop shovel in his stall and they just can't keep up with him. I stared at her dumbly, I'd bet my savings that she wasn't using a shovel in his stall. I had a vet appt coming up the next week for his yearly shots and I mentioned it to the vet. He examined him and drew blood ($50) and everything came back fine as I expected. And I'm out $50.

After that the stalls got a bit better. Cut to last week, daughter started making snide comments about us riding to BM, which one boarder over heard...ie How we get to ride but she doesn't have much time and needs to start working her horse and we are always there riding at night. We board there! Hello! Tonight as we were riding daughter came out to do chores. She said she needed to start cleaning stalls which meant she needed the indoor to turn horses out. We were right in the middle of running a horsemanship patterns and were no where near being finished. About five minutes later she came back with a horse she was planning on turning out, we were still in the arena she huffed and turned around and waited till we left.

Never in my 12 years of boarding ANYWHERE have I been told to leave an arena. I'm PAYING to be there, we all are. There are no barn hours, we ride the same time almost every other night. The only thing is that since daughter started doing chores she wants to ride and we get in her way. We all always pitched in with chores (not in any kind of boarding contract) but daughter never thanked us so we stopped. All 3 of us left the barn tonight very upset. I'm afraid to say anything because of getting snipped at about complaining about my stall. There is no other place to board with an indoor arena, already I drive 40 mins to this barn one way.

We really don't know what to do. Any suggestions? Wow that turned into a book. Sorry


----------



## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

1) All of you ask to meet with the Boarding Manager, not the daughter.
2) Do not point fingers, but all need to express concerns.
3) Put up with it, clean your own stall.
4) move


----------



## fanofthearts (Oct 18, 2012)

Why should I clean my own stall when I'm pay money for them to clean it? 

You're idea of everyone getting together isn't a bad idea, I don't think the BM will do it but I'll mention it. Thanks


----------



## Ashleysmardigrasgirl (Jun 28, 2012)

Haha ha, If they didn't agree to a meeting I'd clean my own stall and I would just play dumb and act like i didnt hear her whenever the daughter comes to do her huffing and puffing But, I've got a sort of off sense of humor like that x-D

If you're complaints arent going to be heard out why should hers. You're the one paying.


----------



## Shropshirerosie (Jan 24, 2012)

At the moment the BM has heard once from you, and a billion times from her daughter: you left one message about the shavings, and no doubt the daughter has whinged multiple times (since then) about your horses difficult to clean stable to justify her poor mucking out skills.

Your BM cannot be expected to know about the poor skills and performance of her staff unless you tell her. In this case, you need to tell her frequently, politely, unemotionally, and factually. Because in this case her staff is her tdarling daughter. And truth is, unless daughter learns how to manage work, and responsibility, and customers, daughter is going to gate short shrift at any future job she does. So hopefully BM will be sensible enough to listen.

Good luck, especially for the diplomatic skills needed


----------



## fanofthearts (Oct 18, 2012)

Shropshirerosie Thank you!


----------



## RunWalk (Feb 24, 2013)

Why doesn't she ride in the daytime and clean while you are riding?


----------



## demonwolfmoon (Oct 31, 2011)

I'd leave. I'm not paying anyone to deal with their crap. Horses are my relaxing time....


----------



## Mochachino (Aug 14, 2012)

My rule with boarding is if I do not enjoy going to a particular boarding barn anymore and the drama outweighs the relaxation aspect and enjoying time with my horse, then I leave.


----------



## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

fanofthearts said:


> *Why should I clean my own stall when I'm pay money for them to clean it?
> *
> You're idea of everyone getting together isn't a bad idea, I don't think the BM will do it but I'll mention it. Thanks



Maybe because you want to know it is clean? Your poor horse is stuck in the middle here, so to speak. You seem to be a bit stuck on the whole "I am the one paying....." in the meantime the horse is standing in muck. Perhaps the daughter won't thank you for helping, but I bet your horse would appreciate dry feet! I am sensing a bit of attitude on your part, which may be what the BO is also getting.....sort of like they owe you. Yeah, you ARE paying, but you might get farther by continuing to help, rather than pointing fingers. If this is truly the ONLY place within light years, you might have to suck it up a bit to make it work. Otherwise-move. I too go to the barn to relax and for enjoyment-I think most of us do. But as long as I am with my horse, even taking care of him, that is relaxing. 

I would suggest all the boarders request a meeting with the BO. Perhaps some agreement can be reached.


----------



## fanofthearts (Oct 18, 2012)

franknbeans said:


> Maybe because you want to know it is clean? Your poor horse is stuck in the middle here, so to speak. You seem to be a bit stuck on the whole "I am the one paying....." in the meantime the horse is standing in muck. Perhaps the daughter won't thank you for helping, but I bet your horse would appreciate dry feet! I am sensing a bit of attitude on your part, which may be what the BO is also getting.....sort of like they owe you. Yeah, you ARE paying, but you might get farther by continuing to help, rather than pointing fingers. If this is truly the ONLY place within light years, you might have to suck it up a bit to make it work. Otherwise-move. I too go to the barn to relax and for enjoyment-I think most of us do. But as long as I am with my horse, even taking care of him, that is relaxing.
> 
> I would suggest all the boarders request a meeting with the BO. Perhaps some agreement can be reached.


Every time I'm out there I clean MY horse's stall. I no longer clean their stalls. They have 10 stalls, when I would get off early I would clean them all. But now I just clean mine, the other boarders just clean theirs now also, not the BO. I would never walk away from my horse if he was standing in muck. But I can't be there every day and when I'm not there I expect the stall to be cleaned. 

And daughter works during the day, she can't ride.


----------



## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

You will not win this fight. You're up against your BM's _daughter_ and she's already told you if you don't like how the stalls are cleaned, to find another place to board.

Is it right? Heck no! But the only thing you can do is talk with your wallet. Find another place to board, and maybe then the BM will realize that her darling spawn is driving away paying customers.


----------



## Annanoel (Mar 29, 2011)

YOU are the one paying right? You shouldn't have to deal with the daughter's attitude. Obviously you're inbetween a rock and a hard place with the replationship they have. It sucks I know how it goes, but there's nothing you can really do. You can talk to them, hold a meeting, etc, but she has already told you to suck it up and find a different place if you're not happy. 

IMO if a BM told me that instead of trying to work it out I would have been out of there yesterday. 

Most of us who board do so because we work, don't have a barn or the necessary things to have our horses as home. They NEED those people whether it be the BM or staff to take care of them when we can't. If I knew my horse standing in muck, I'd do something about it ASAP. Whether it be moving, making sure I'm out to clean it, or really talking to BM.


----------



## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

While you might win this battle, you are going to lose the war.

And in the middle of this is your horse, who cannot help what is going on, but may well pay the price for anything you say to BM. And may be already for all you know.

I'd move...as in yesterday.

The type of person you are describing may well poison your horse, tear up your tack so that you have a fall, or even kill your horse outright.

You can't win here. Not and have a horse that is safe.

And even if you get other boarders to go with you, your horse is still in danger.

Stop at every place you can find and ask about boarding, but get your horse out of there.


----------



## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

Palomine said:


> The type of person you are describing may well poison your horse, tear up your tack so that you have a fall, or even kill your horse outright.
> 
> You can't win here. Not and have a horse that is safe.
> 
> And even if you get other boarders to go with you, your horse is still in danger.


This is a tad dramatic. I highly doubt that the horse is in danger of being maimed or killed. However, I do agree that the bet solution is to move, based on what the OP has said. I think the worst she would get is a dirty stall (not good) and moaned at in regards to riding.
OP, I wouldn't worry about you or your horse being killed at the barn you're currently at.


----------



## Annanoel (Mar 29, 2011)

Palomine said:


> While you might win this battle, you are going to lose the war.
> 
> And in the middle of this is your horse, who cannot help what is going on, but may well pay the price for anything you say to BM. And may be already for all you know.
> 
> ...


:shock: Seriously? OP asked for advice, not to be scared. This is a bit excessive. I doubt the BM's daughter will do anything on that level. The BM is again getting money from boarders and the horses are still under her care regardless of her daughter's actions. 

OP, like JustDressageIt said I wouldn't worry about anything on this level happening. I'm sure you have enough sense to move if it got THAT bad, and move in general if your horse isn't in good conditions.


----------



## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

I'd request a meeting with the BO and explain that you had your horses tested, he has no medical issues but yes he does pee a lot, so perhaps it would work better for them if you cleaned your own stall in exchange for a discount in board. 

Why on earth does one need to put horses in an indoor to clean stalls!? On the rare occasion stalls are occupied (we turnout 16+ hrs daily), I clean with the horse in them or if it's a horse I don't trust, I throw it in the cross ties so I can watch it while I clean.


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

If all three agree, one of you should set up an appt with the BM and all three of you should meet with her. "We have some issues that need your input in helping us resolve them". Hopefully a good discussion will follow.


----------



## toto (Mar 3, 2013)

the other boarders agree the daughter aint doin her job right?

Id have a talk with the other boarders-- forget the BM she aint tryin to hear it.. it would be nice if yall could find a place yall all could move to. Thatd show the BM.


----------



## fanofthearts (Oct 18, 2012)

Oh no she isn't going to do anything crazy like that. I would not still be there if there was any threat like that. 

I'm going to mention it to the other boarders, we are all riding tomorrow. I'm just afraid they will see it as us ganging up her daughter. But it is starting to feel like we shouldn't be out there anymore, and its not fun. And horse time should always be fun.

Thanks for your input guys its helped a lot!


----------



## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I'd pack up and move. Too much drama.


----------



## Chiilaa (Aug 12, 2010)

Here is what I would do. I would hang a whiteboard in a prominent area of the barn, and write down the days you plan to ride, and an approximate time. Make sure you let everyone know this is an approximate, and subject to change. This way, she can do her chores around the times you plan to be there as best she can. 

Another thing I would do is ask her to join you when you are riding. Rather than just tacking up and riding the three of you, why not drop a friendly invitation her way? Even if she doesn't accept, she will still feel better about not being out there, and more likely to try and accommodate you too.

It sounds like she is a teenager, and while they do need to learn respect and how to have a job, they also need to be treated with respect. She is there to muck out etc, but not to report to you. If you have a problem, go straight to her boss - aka Mom. Just because she is a teen doesn't mean you don't have to be professional and courteous about it (not implying you are, just ensuring everyone remembers this).


----------

