# The pressures of showing for a 13 year old



## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

This is half-rant, half-musing... Some of you may remember my former threads about my daughter falling in and out of love with her horse. Well, that's not really accurate, but she has so many interests, that her focus often goes from one thing to another. And that's fine! She's 13. She should be trying all sorts of things. 

The first summer of shows with her horse Harley went ok. We stuck to low-pressure, local fun shows. I think we did three altogether the first year. Just walk/trot classes (Harley is a handful at the canter and she was only 11). No jumping. Then last year, she had a rough start, but by the last show of the summer, she was jumping (low cross-rails). Lots of firsts and seconds, and a great judge who told her what she could improve. Massive improvement in just a few weeks, due to her dedication (we rode every day). 

Then winter came. We don't have a indoor, though we did try to ride as much as possible. Sometimes once a week, sometimes only a couple of times a month, and no jumping. Only a little cantering. Recently, clinics have started. I've asked her if she wants to do a clinic with Harley, but she's not really keen on them. Finds them too intense. I can understand that - she's still a kid. She has drama, music lessons, is involved in student council, does a local radio program, just competed in provincial finals of her debate club. In other words, she's the type to have a bunch of irons in the fire all at once. I'm rather relieved that she's not that interested because I find it a bit unfair to Harley - who is 19! - to take him to a two-day clinic when he's barely been ridden for the last three months. We have no way to get him fit for clinics. And then there's the cost! Including transportation, a weekend clinic can easily run me 500$. Oh, and the saddle! She always just rode in a used Wintec. We're looking for a new jumping saddle for her, but I can't afford a very expensive one (we're trying a few just as soon as the ground can dry up a bit). There are more clinics coming up too - like 3 in the next 6 weeks or so. We don't have a horse trailer, and can't afford one at this time. I rent one by the day. 

The worst part is that the girls that ride at her barn are all attending the clinics. They are all getting high-end saddles (some are getting custom saddles!!! At 15!!! I don't know how parents can justify that). They also mostly have access to an indoor.

You can see where this is going. I want to support my daughter, and I don't want to go to shows and have her fail because she didn't get the opportunities other girls did. I personally don't show, and would be fine with my daughter not showing, but she still wants to show. However, I feel I'm going to have to help her set realistic goals. Harley is a great little horse, and is very willing. He will give it his all, and lucky for us, does not show signs of slowing down (I even have his joints x-rayed to make sure). My daughter is not looking to jump very high, or go to national shows (one of her friends went to the Royal last year so now everyone is talking about this). But I feel the pressure is increasing, and I don't know to continue to motivate my daughter to improve while taking some of the pressure off her to be competitive. 

For now, I told her we would do a couple of sanctioned shows and a couple of fun shows at her coach's, and maybe one regional show. Even that is going to take every dollar I have to spare. 

How do other parents cope with this? Did you show as a teen, and what was most helpful/stressful? She's very much a perfectionist too, so can be hard on herself.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I'm tempted to say she should consider herself lucky to have a lovely, well maintained horse as a 13 year old, but that's unfair to her. I know it's not that simple when you're 13. I was a horseless kid who got the Christmas lesson package that allowed me to ride once a week a couple of months a year, and once the paid lessons were done, I had to wait until the next Christmas to ride again. I recall being able to go to one show with the lesson barn as a teen, where I was sharing a lesson horse with 5 other people. I basically didn't even see him that day except for the leg-up I got moments before the one class I was in. I felt ashamed of my backyard clothes and cheap boots, finished last in the class, and handed the horse off to another snickering teen who was his "real" rider for the show. Never have been to a show since then!

So I don't know, if _she _doesn't seem to feel pressure about the shows right now and isn't so driven to ride in the clinics, where is the need to set show goals coming from? You or her? I don't mean that in a snarky way at all, but it is a true question- does it really matter to her how she places at the show, or does she see it as just a chance to spend a weekend with her barn friends and her horse? What does it mean for a 13 year old to "fail" at a fun schooling show? If she's not placing well in the shows, would you prefer not to spend the time and money to go to them?

Are there hunter paces near you? Limited distance or endurance rides? Pleasure rides? Those kinds of events could get her out riding with other people in a non-competitive way and allow her to have fun while also improving her riding outside of the lesson environment.

I'm not a parent, so take this or leave it as you see fit :wink:


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> How do other parents cope with this? Did you show as a teen, and what was most helpful/stressful? She's very much a perfectionist too, so can be hard on herself.


I am not a parent, but I was once your daughter, and I now understand the weight that my parents felt when I wanted to go further than just local shows. Both of my best 4H friends had really nice pleasure bred horses when I was growing up, and I was "stuck" with a cross between an Arabian and Rocky Mountain. Their horses had been bought, trained as 3 year olds and then shown already, and I bought my horse as a green eight year old. I remember pestering my parents about upgrading my horse when my friends starting doing the Pinto circuit, and other circuits. I remember being a let down 12 year old when they said they couldn't afford a $10,000 pleasure bred pinto with a shiny $2,000 show saddle, even though my friends could. No 12 year old understands how money works, and how some people just can't swing it.

My way around it was to work with what I had. Before I knew it, after a couple years of some BAD shows, I was winning. I was winning a lot, with my mutt of a horse, and my synthetic saddle. And, because he wasn't a $10,000 investment, I could do so many fun things with him, unlike my friends. One weekend I would be at a 4H show, the next on the trails, and the following at a speed show. My friends couldn't risk messing up their horses training, so I was the one having all of the fun, while they were at pleasure clinics, doing the same thing every weekend, or being at the same shows every weekend.

Your daughter and Harley have such an incredible opportunity being like me, because even though they can't be like the other pairs at your barn, they can still have some pretty incredible memories. So my piece of advice? Encourage her to explore other disciplines with Harley. Has she thought about doing speed shows? Or maybe 4H? Is there a fun place she could go trail riding with others? 
. 
.
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Also another thing I just thought of, that helped me understand why I couldn't get a new shiny saddle, or why I couldn't go to the regional shows, is that once in a while, I had to pay for the entry fees myself. You could tell her what shows you will provide to her, and everything else is up to her to raise money for. It really puts things in perspective for a young person, when they realize just how much trailering fees, class entries, trainer fees, etc etc are, so if you have a chore list for her, or have neighbors that need odd jobs for her to do, that could be a starting place. I hope this helps, somehow!


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Thanks @egrogan and @ClearDonkey ! All your thoughts and ideas help, really. I never showed as a kid, so this is all new to me. I knew there were some who were really into the show circuit, and others who didn't really care, but I feel like my daughter's somewhere in between.
@egrogan, she definitely wants to show, and wants to get ribbons. I have to remind her of how much work it is or she would sign up for more. She's competitive, but in a very personal way. Here's an example: her first show last year was her first ever sanctioned show. She got first and second places in all three (flat) classes she entered. But she was in tears at the end of it because Harley was very difficult to control at the canter. She knew it wasn't pretty (it wasn't), and that the only reason she got those ribbons is because there were very few entries. On the other hand, she was thrilled to get a 5th place in English pleasure at a fun show a few weeks later. Because there were 12 entries (all more advanced and older than her), and because she knew she had done a good job. The judge told her afterwards that she had missed a canter lead, and that if she had had the right lead that time, she would have placed first. My daughter was glowing. So it isn't all about comparing herself with others (though of course there's some of that), but knowing that she did well. 

I did think of doing something else, like endurance. But Harley hates trails, and is a terrible trail horse. He jigs the whole time. My hope was that Kodak could help him fix that, but she's spooky sometimes, so it's like the blind leading the deaf, lol. So that eliminates trails for us. She did a little vaulting, and really liked that, but there are no teams here, or even a vaulting coach. She doesn't want to do dressage (I wish she did, Harley was a champion dressage pony before we bought him). Other than Western or eventing, that's about it for options around here. Eventing scares me, and we don't want to switch back to Western. I want it to be fun for her, but I feel like she's at a crossroads where we have to decide if we're going to go to the next level, or just do a few fun shows, and keep it relaxed. I'm thinking the latter, but even in the fun shows, she'll be competing against some of these girls who have been jumping all winter, and doing every clinic they can.

In terms of money, she's very reasonable. She never asks for anything. She can't understand why she can't just keep riding in her old synthetic Wintec. She wears used riding clothes. I'm the one who thinks she's probably at a disadvantage. I guess it sounds like I want to keep up with the Jones' but it's really not - there's no hope of that. I just feel bad that she doesn't have a proper show jumping saddle and may lose points for something that's not her fault. Like it or not, a judge sees a high end custom saddle that is perfectly fitted to horse and rider, it's going to be hard to ignore. 

But you're both right. It should just be fun. I wish showing wasn't so pressured.


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## knightrider (Jun 27, 2014)

I did show as a teen, but only at local shows. However, because of where I lived, the competition was pretty tough. At times there were 40 kids in a class. My parents were very limited in money, and all my show stuff was home-made, hand-me-down stuff, plus there was no money for riding lessons, so I was often one of the worst ones in the class.

I did know that money was very tight, and I did understand that I was lucky to get what I had. There were also other kids around me in the same boat as me, so I don't remember feeling particularly deprived. I had a crazy fat pinto trucked in from Wyoming, green broke and very opinionated, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't do very well at shows. Of course, I wanted to win blue ribbons like some of the kids in my 4-H, but that seemed to be an unattainable goal for me. Like @ClearDonkey, I had a ton of fun doing plenty of other things like barrel racing, fox hunting, camping, picnics, racing my friends, and double dog daring each other to jump whatever crazy thing we came across in the woods. So, it was kind of sad, but not all that bad, and I pretty much knew that at the time.

I think your plan, @Acadianartist, is a terrific one. I hope it all goes well.


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## carshon (Apr 7, 2015)

@Acadianartist My sisters and I were just like @ClearDonkey - we rode whatever we had with whatever we had. Our 4-H club also had girls whose parents bought them pre-trained horses and the best tack and clothes money could buy. My family hauled horses in a horse trailer my dad built (no kidding) with a panel sided station wagon. This was in the late 70's and 80's. My Mom always stressed that we were there to have fun - to enjoy our day and not to expect to win. And there were many days that is all we did - went and had fun. But on those occasions when we won classes over the higher end horses it was well worth it.

Yes, sometimes we were upset that our parents could not buy us the new saddle or that our barrel horse was also our western pleasure horse and hunter horse - but at 47yrs old I can look back and say I appreciate the fact that my Mom always stressed that it was about the fun and the experience. Your daughter sounds very well rounded and I am sure that at 13 can appreciate that it takes money to do all of the things she is doing - and it is better to have "many irons in the fire" rather than get burned out on one thing.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

carshon said:


> @*Acadianartist* My sisters and I were just like @*ClearDonkey* - we rode whatever we had with whatever we had. Our 4-H club also had girls whose parents bought them pre-trained horses and the best tack and clothes money could buy. My family hauled horses in a horse trailer my dad built (no kidding) with a panel sided station wagon. This was in the late 70's and 80's. My Mom always stressed that we were there to have fun - to enjoy our day and not to expect to win. And there were many days that is all we did - went and had fun. But on those occasions when we won classes over the higher end horses it was well worth it.
> 
> Yes, sometimes we were upset that our parents could not buy us the new saddle or that our barrel horse was also our western pleasure horse and hunter horse - but at 47yrs old I can look back and say I appreciate the fact that my Mom always stressed that it was about the fun and the experience. Your daughter sounds very well rounded and I am sure that at 13 can appreciate that it takes money to do all of the things she is doing - and it is better to have "many irons in the fire" rather than get burned out on one thing.


Thanks @*carshon* . I appreciate all the replies, but this is exactly what I needed to hear. I do get more stressed than her at shows. Not because I feel the need to be THAT parent, but because there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching your kid come crashing down. I see now that my fear of watching my child fail may just be contributing to the stress, even if I don't verbalize it. I will strive to take a more relaxed attitude, and try to make a fun day of it. I'll do my best to ignore the high end saddles, and all these clinics which are only making me feel inadequate. I won't be sad if she stops showing one day, and just wants to hang around horses. But I want her to make that choice for herself. 

Your mom was wise. I'll try to be more like her.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

The eternal problem of horse parenthood! I was just at a mini-clinic last night and one of the kids at my barn was wanting ways to help pay for a horse (a future horse, she doesn't have one yet), she's just turned 12. I told her that at her age I started learning to do show grooming and started getting paid to bathe and groom the horses that were showing on the weekend. I started out bathing, then graduated to mane pulling, then to braiding manes, then tails, then clipping whiskers and getting the feel for how to clip, and then up to full body clipping with the Clipmaster clippers or KKs. It's dirty, it's exhausting and it doesn't pay a whole lot (or at least not here). Not only do you learn to groom, it teaches you all about the value of a dollar, how to schedule, how to honor commitments when you'd rather be doing something else, how to manage a jiggy horse, all kinds of stuff. I got good at grooming and did a lot of it, it was how I paid for lessons, shows, clinics and hauling. Not my parent's problem, it was MY problem. Not saying they didn't foot a LOT (read most) of the bills, but I had to make a certain contribution or I didn't get to go. And practice was not something that was allowed to slide. No practice, no commitment to the horse? No show. Period. 

My parents answer to pressure was to let me figure it out. If I was feeling pressured because I had ballet, voice, soccer, swim team, choir, chorus, riding and shows, then I had to figure out how to manage it, either drop something for a time, decide I really wasn't that excited about something and quit doing that, or don't ride & show. I had put myself in all that stuff, I had to find the hours in the day to do it, or I had to let something go. I never did let go of the horses. 

It's not really your job as a parent to make her life perfect. It's up to you to help her figure out what's important to her, and that might not be what you think is important, and how to achieve her goals whether it's to get to a schooling show or ride in the Olympics or to dump it all and take up crochet & knitting. Ultimately, the best skills you can give her are the ones that allow her to be self sufficient and learn a good work ethic, not to iron out every bump in her road.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Dreamcatcher Arabians said:


> It's not really your job as a parent to make her life perfect. It's up to you to help her figure out what's important to her, and that might not be what you think is important, and how to achieve her goals whether it's to get to a schooling show or ride in the Olympics or to dump it all and take up crochet & knitting. Ultimately, the best skills you can give her are the ones that allow her to be self sufficient and learn a good work ethic, not to iron out every bump in her road.


Hahaha... you made me chuckle with the knitting, but yes! Thank you. You're absolutely 100% right. Thanks for putting it all in perspective for me. This forum is a wonderful sounding board. I will let her figure it out.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> Like it or not, a judge sees a high end custom saddle that is perfectly fitted to horse and rider, it's going to be hard to ignore.
> 
> But you're both right. It should just be fun. I wish showing wasn't so pressured.


You said a couple of things here, that I wanted to comment on. I have a custom saddle. I can fall out of it just as quick as I can fall out of my 'off the rack' saddle that cost less than 1/10th what the custom cost me. MOST people don't need custom saddles. If you're built funny (I'm realllllly short, so I like an ultra narrow twist but in a wide tree and I need really adjustable stirrups), if you're a World Equestrian Games rider, or Olympic rider, you MIGHT need one or if your horse is built funny you might. Most folks can do just fine with their off the rack saddles. 99% of the time, I do, but for shows it's a little more comfortable and feels like I'm a little more secure and less sore at the end of the day if I use my custom. Otherwise? PFFFFT. Eventually your daughter will outgrow or wear out the Wintec and you'll need to replace it. Cross that bridge when you get there. 

Same thing with the high end show horses. I grew up riding every green and/or difficult butthead of horse at the barn. One of the state senator's daughters was riding this really cute, fancy, super trained horse and of course, in a custom saddle and bespoke clothes and boots. She was winning everything in her age division. Then she got old enough to join us.......OOOPS. At that level, the judges would ask us to switch horses in the Eq classes and ride a pattern on another competitor's horse. She got Boozer, my OTTB who was a handful on a good day, and I got her Cuppy. Neither one of us did great. She couldn't handle Boozer at all, he ran off with her and dumped her. Cuppy was so dead sided I practically had to beat the fur off of him to get a trot, never mind the canter. She wore spurs and had developed really strong cues for him, Boozer had taught me lightness. Both of us were too young and inexperienced to get that quick a read on another horse, we went from top placings to the bottom in about 30 secs. It's not always an advantage to have that high dollar horse. She quit riding after high school because Daddy wouldn't continue to pay for her 'horse habit'. I have continued to ride and found ways to make enough money to support my own habit. Who actually had it better? 

Shows are pressure. It is what it is. Mostly the pressure comes from parents, spouses or other non-riding loved ones who want you to do well so you won't be disappointed. Don't get me wrong, when I go in the ring, I'm in it to win it. If I don't I ask myself if we've done the best we could do that day, in that class, under those conditions. If the answer is yes, I'm a happy camper, I can't win the blue every single time I go in the ring. But I DO learn something about myself and my horse, every single time. It sounds like your daughter, at her tender age!, has learned the value of riding for the ride not the ribbon. That's an invaluable lesson to have learned. Don't worry about the pressure, your daughter sounds like she's doing just fine, it's you that's getting the wind up. She just needs to go and have fun with her horse and build her skills. Those .98 ribbons won't mean squat in 15 years, they'll all be faded and in the trash. But she'll have those memories of her great days with her horse, that will last a lifetime.


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## horseluvr2524 (Sep 17, 2013)

Hey, don't knock crochet or knitting! I took up crochet. It's very relaxing, and even fun, but boy does it take patience :wink: :lol:

I've always thought that your daughter is so blessed to have a mom involved with her horse life. She's got a wonderful horse with good training on him, and she gets to go to shows, and regular lessons, and try all sorts of things. That is awesome. I hope to give the same to my child, if they turn out to be into horses (God knows how hard I'm praying for that lol).

I got a green broke mustang when I was 13. I didn't get to go to regular shows. When I did go to things, I always and consistently did poorly. It was discouraging. I didn't get lessons or training. I was on my own. The extent of my parents involvement was paying the bills and my dad threatening to sell the horse anytime a question of money came up (that was often).

But, you know what? I feel super blessed that I even got to have a horse as a child. I learned so much. The green+green combo usually does not turn out well, but for me it worked out. That horse taught me a lot, and gave me the skills to go on doing short training stints fixing other people's problems. And now? I still have that same horse. She's my darling. I can trust her to figure out a rider and only do what that rider is ready for. She takes care of people. She was trained very well, and it feels good to say "yeah, I did that training". And she will be the mount for my child in a few years. My first horse, will be my child's first horse 

I'm not sure where I was going with that. I mostly just wanted to say that I think you are doing an amazing job and to keep it up. Your daughter clearly knows and appreciates everything you are doing. So just do what you can, and resolve to have fun and not stress out. If you're relaxed, it will help your daughter relax.


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

I'm just posting to add whatever encouragement I can - which isn't much.

We have a much different relationship with horses in our part of the state - we're in the middle of everything, but two and a half hours away from everything - which means we don't see a lot of show/English type events here. It's all play day, rodeo, and just taking off with saddle bags packed with snacks and drinks on thousand acre tracts to see where the cow trails will take you.

I CAN tell you as a baseball and a softball mom though - I understand what you're feeling. When my daughter played softball, our school had fast pitch in the autumn, slow pitch in the spring. She played for a hard core, TAKE STATE team and many of her teammates played travel ball - which meant their families were on the road every. single. weekend. to far flung cities and staying three and sometimes four days in a hotel all summer long. Same for the baseball boys and now my son is playing, but daughter is in college (Not playing softball though).

We have had to decide at what point do we say, look... no. We're not buying a $300.00 softball glove or a $500 baseball bat. Yes, I know so and so has one, yes I know so and so has a private hitting coach, yes I know that family is gone every single weekend and living out of a hotel and a cooler full of sandwiches, but that's not us.

We had make the decisions that our kids didn't understand when we made them, but we did have have some real talk with them about how the money just wasn't there - but more importantly: How the TIME just wasn't there. When they had to decide between killing themselves to play every single day in the summer - or go to Florida or Cozumel or out to watch a movie, or later, yes, to go hacking around in the woods on the horses, they started to understand.

This isn't an easy time as a parent. I absolutely LOVED my kids' teen years, still loving my son's teens and now my daughter's early 20s years, but the worst part was having to make the decisions that were right for our kids and frankly, our finances but that they didn't understand.

Spend thousands of dollars on the new, trendy, name brand UnderArmour or Nike ball gear... or a family road trip to the beach or Yellowstone. Go to a movie and get dinner, or spend your free time at the field hitting or using the batting machine?

Are you killing yourself for an athletic scholarship that may pay for your books, maybe, or would you rather enjoy living and look into grants or loans... or let us, your mom and dad pay out of savings (put back specifically FOR college)?

We supported them emotionally and financially as best we could through the 'sports' years, and we've always left the decision to stay in or quit to them... but we always stressed the value of the alternatives. Son is old enough to be 'his own man' and make his own decisions in that regard and so far he's stayed in, but casually. Daughter chose to quit her last semester and enroll in AP courses and start college a semester early.

I wish you the absolute best through this. I understand where you're at, completely.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

@*DreamCatcher* - yeah, I was a bit stunned that a parent of one of the girls that's been riding with my daughter for years ordered her a custom high-end saddle. I don't even want to know what that cost. It seems a little excessive for a kid who's still growing, and who isn't competing at high levels. 

I guess I thought we were doing pretty well. I did a lot of things my parents didn't do for me. Harley is a really well-trained horse, and has been a challenge for my daughter, but in a good way. And now that they're clicking, it's amazing to watch them. I have to be careful not to live vicariously through her. 

And I guess I'm a little taken aback that parents are investing so much in this. Even though my daughter is lucky to have a good horse, and to have a mom willing to take her to shows, there is always someone who has it better. I guess it's a good life lesson, because there will always be that next level. Where's the fun in worrying about it? And yes, that's my problem, not my daughter's. But I fear she doesn't realize that the competition may be a lot stiffer at shows this year, and will be disappointed. But I guess she can just pick herself up and work harder, or do something else.

@*HorseLuvr* thanks. And wow to training your own horse to be such a gem! I do hope your child loves horses as much as you. My daughter has truly given me the gift of getting back into horses. Oh, and she knits too, lol.

I'll try to relax at shows. Why don't they have wine bars???


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> @*HorseLuvr* thanks. And wow to training your own horse to be such a gem! I do hope your child loves horses as much as you. My daughter has truly given me the gift of getting back into horses. Oh, and she knits too, lol.
> 
> I'll try to relax at shows. *Why don't they have wine bars*???


Yeti mugs. BYOW.

Can't tell you how I know you can get away with that...


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

@AtokaGhosthorse, you make excellent points. Our son plays football at the provincial level, and played in the nationals last year. He is in three football teams right now. We support him, and help him pay for it (he does fundraisers for the rest), but had to say no to a recent invitation to a training camp in British Columbia. We live literally on the other side of the continent. Just the plane ticket would have cost more than flying to Paris. 

When my daughter said maybe she could go to the Royal this year after her riding friend got to go last year (she qualified without even knowing when competing at a regional show, so her parents decided to take her), I had to say that's not realistic. I cannot drive 14 hours with Harley in a horse trailer, pay to bring her coach, and all other associated fees for her to go to the Royal. If that is her dream, she has many more years to accomplish it. 

Packing sandwiches and riding on the range all day is my idea of heaven by the way. I used to do that when I was a kid, and hope to do it again when Kodak and I are ready for it.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

AtokaGhosthorse said:


> Yeti mugs. BYOW.
> 
> Can't tell you how I know you can get away with that...


:cheers:

Totally doing this now...


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## AtokaGhosthorse (Oct 17, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> @AtokaGhosthorse, you make excellent points. Our son plays football at the provincial level, and played in the nationals last year. He is in three football teams right now. We support him, and help him pay for it (he does fundraisers for the rest), but had to say no to a recent invitation to a training camp in British Columbia. We live literally on the other side of the continent. Just the plane ticket would have cost more than flying to Paris.
> 
> When my daughter said maybe she could go to the Royal this year after her riding friend got to go last year (she qualified without even knowing when competing at a regional show, so her parents decided to take her), I had to say that's not realistic. I cannot drive 14 hours with Harley in a horse trailer, pay to bring her coach, and all other associated fees for her to go to the Royal. If that is her dream, she has many more years to accomplish it.
> 
> Packing sandwiches and riding on the range all day is my idea of heaven by the way. I used to do that when I was a kid, and hope to do it again when Kodak and I are ready for it.


I get the allure of eventing and top level athletics, etc. I do. I wish I were younger and could do more stuff like that with our horses, even at a playday level, but I'm just not that good. And at the same time, yikes. All the miles the serious stuff, at the top level can eat up. There's just a thousand other things I'd rather being doing with my money, my family, my horse.

Our kids had to learn which was right for them. 

Getting out in God's country on your horse, where speaking out loud feels like sacrilege and you see foxes and turkey and deer... and they're relatively unafraid because you're on a horse... that is a special sort of delight.


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> In terms of money, she's very reasonable. She never asks for anything. She can't understand why she can't just keep riding in her old synthetic Wintec. She wears used riding clothes. I'm the one who thinks she's probably at a disadvantage. I guess it sounds like I want to keep up with the Jones' but it's really not - there's no hope of that. I just feel bad that she doesn't have a proper show jumping saddle and may lose points for something that's not her fault. Like it or not, a judge sees a high end custom saddle that is perfectly fitted to horse and rider, it's going to be hard to ignore.


Tack _can_ be a disadvantage, but usually, turn out is all that matters. I competed in a horse judging competition through 4H, and they judge that was teaching us said that it only comes down to tack if it is literally a tie, with exception if you and your horse come in unkempt and messy. However, if you keep your saddle clean, bridle oiled, and your outfit unstained and ironed, you should be totally fine. I showed with my synthetic saddle all through 4H and through middle and part of high school equestrian, and it never mattered. As long as the tack isn't hindering your daughters riding ability, you should be fine to wait on another saddle until she outgrows her current one. 

When the time comes, there is also no shame in buying used saddles. I bought a brand new Collegiate when I outgrew my saddle, and I could have easily gotten the same saddle, with a few rubs, for nearly half the price. I wish back then I would've bought used, and then upgraded my boots at the same time too, rather than continuing to ride in boots with the soles falling off.

And just for fun, I attached a picture of when I was showing in my synthetic tack, and then in my leather. In both pictures my tack is well kept, and I placed similarly in both classes (one was a fuzzy show, hence the sweatshirt and wild mane).


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## lostastirrup (Jan 6, 2015)

As someone in college not competing who competed in HS on her own dime, your daughter is way lucky. Her own horse is huge!!!! That's such a good feeling. And I'm so glad she'll have equine support as she grows up. Emotionally she's about to hit the point where things like that are going to mean the world. 


As for tack- saddle should be clean. Other than that, it won't hurt that it's a wintec. She's gonna grow and if she's willing she can work to afford a used but quality saddle with her own money, it's very doable and it helps put things in perspective. I do reccomend you guys try and make a clinic or two. I think they're more important than showing. Clinicians do a good job of judging the rider, helping, and giving a good analysis- similarge to being judged at a show but more personal. Even if you only want to do 1 day of a 3 day clinic, it's pretty worth it. Helps make the schooling you do at home more relevant and focused. I think if she tried a few with a good clinicians it would be really beneficial. 

That's my two cents


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> @*DreamCatcher* - yeah, I was a bit stunned that a parent of one of the girls that's been riding with my daughter for years ordered her a custom high-end saddle. I don't even want to know what that cost. It seems a little excessive for a kid who's still growing, and who isn't competing at high levels.
> 
> Oh, and she knits too, lol.
> 
> I'll try to relax at shows. Why don't they have wine bars???


That saddle is for the parent, rather than the kid. She could still be riding on school saddles and doing just fine, or have a Wintec. She doesn't need Hermes or anything of that calibre at this point and won't for a long time. 

I had to laugh, I crochet a LOT during the winter. So no knock on crocheting & knitting here. 

And if you go to breed shows, I don't think most Arabian shows are allowed to open without a bar SOMEWHERE. :smile:


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

@lostastirrup, I have nothing against clinics. It's just that I know people who are doing them practically every weekend. And I don't think it's fair to the horse who has barely been ridden this winter. We don't have an indoor, so while we ride in snow, we are very limited. I'm attaching a recent photo of my daughter riding Harley in the snow. I just can't see taking a 19 year old horse who is out of shape to a jumping clinic where he will be working hard for several hours a day. And then there's the cost. At 500$ a clinic, we're not going until we can actually get something out of it. But yes, maybe once we can start riding again, and get Harley conditioned. Right now, our riding ring is deep mud, ice and snow, so we haven't ridden in about two weeks.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Great pics @ClearDonkey! 

Thanks for reassuring me. I do plan on replacing the Wintec because it doesn't put her in a great position. But I can't afford a new saddle (certainly not a custom high-end one!) so it's going to be used for us. There's a lady near us that sells them on consignment, and we've tried on a few different ones. No luck so far, but as soon as we can ride again, we'll try on a few more.


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> Great pics @ClearDonkey!
> 
> Thanks for reassuring me. I do plan on replacing the Wintec because it doesn't put her in a great position. But I can't afford a new saddle (certainly not a custom high-end one!) so it's going to be used for us. There's a lady near us that sells them on consignment, and we've tried on a few different ones. No luck so far, but as soon as we can ride again, we'll try on a few more.


Good luck finding a good fitting saddle for them both! I had a pain of a time with my half Arab, because he has nice, defined, HIGH withers, with wide shoulders ... a difficult combination to fit I've found! I personally really love anything with adjustable gullets, just because over the course of an entire year, my guy usually changes shape two or three times, needing a bit of a gullet adjustment to keep him from getting grumpy. Luckily there are so many products out there nowadays that are pretty affordable to help with the tough horses to fit (the Thinline pad with shims is on my wish list right now!).

Harley and your daughter are super cute in the picture you posted! Good luck to Harley and your daughter this show season also!


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Ugh, yes @ClearDonkey, saddle fitting is so frustrating. Harley isn't too bad compared to Kodak. Harley is 75% Arab, 25% QH, and other than having a short back and sprung ribs, he's pretty average. The picture is to show that my daughter does have to get out and ride in conditions that most would consider difficult. Most of the girls doing the clinics have indoor riding arenas (not all though, there is one who is just incredibly dedicated! I don't want to take that away from her). Folks around here without indoors often just don't ride in the winter. I actually enjoy it, except that we can't go out on trails. My indulgent husband plows the riding arena so we can use it. Otherwise we'd be plodding through 3-4 feet of snow all winter long. But we can't jump, and even cantering is only on days when the snow is just ride, and only for short bursts. 

Kodak is really really hard to fit. She may have a build similar to your half Arab. She's QH, but with dainty features (and the tiniest hooves). Fairly broad, but short back, with a shoulder that sits far back, and a sharp dip behind her shoulder. Also, slightly rump high, so I always feel I'm falling forward. But I also think her shape changes a lot through the seasons. Harley has a thinline half pad with sheepskin rolls so I may shim it up in the front and try it on Kodak to see if that helps until she builds topline. So far I have tried on about a dozen saddles on her, and none fit. 

I did just find a really good deal on a Thorowgood AP, so I bought it. I have no idea if it will fit either horse, but for the price I paid, I figure it's worth a shot. I will re-sell if it fits neither horse. It would be a step up from a Wintec, but still synthetic, and still within my budget.


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## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

I am a parent, although my oldest isn’t even two years old yet so we have a ways to go!

Growing up we went to local relaxed shows that would usually have a couple showing events in the morning (usually halter and western pleasure) and then speed events after. Looking back now, one thing I really appreciated is that my mom never pressured us to do well. We were there to have FUN. Sure, we were excited to win a ribbon or some money, but that was never the goal. 

When I was younger, I did like riding horse and going to shows but I didn’t get serious until I was about 14. (That was also about the time that my brothers lost interest so then it was just my mom and me, which was okay!) I certainly put in the time, riding my horse every day. I liked all the speed events but I really liked barrels. 

I never got the opportunity to go to any big races. I didn’t even go to my first jackpot until I think I was 18 or 19. My parents farm and ranch so that came first. I think that’s why I never pursued anything big (like high school rodeo) because I knew we didn’t have the time. 

I got my own new saddle when I was a senior in high school and I was so excited! Cost $700 so not super expensive but still special all the same. 

So even though I didn’t get to do some of the things I wanted, I don’t have any hard feelings or regrets about it, because I’m my own boss now and can do the things I want. 

I want my daughter to succeed in the future and I hope she enjoys horses as much as I do. I’m willing ( TO AN EXTENT) to spend the money to help her be successful but she will definitely need to put in the hours and the work! I also like the idea of her paying her own entry fees so she understands how expensive this stuff is. But we’ll see!


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> Ugh, yes @ClearDonkey, saddle fitting is so frustrating. Harley isn't too bad compared to Kodak. Harley is 75% Arab, 25% QH, and other than having a short back and sprung ribs, he's pretty average. The picture is to show that my daughter does have to get out and ride in conditions that most would consider difficult. Most of the girls doing the clinics have indoor riding arenas (not all though, there is one who is just incredibly dedicated! I don't want to take that away from her). Folks around here without indoors often just don't ride in the winter. I actually enjoy it, except that we can't go out on trails. My indulgent husband plows the riding arena so we can use it. Otherwise we'd be plodding through 3-4 feet of snow all winter long. But we can't jump, and even cantering is only on days when the snow is just ride, and only for short bursts.
> 
> Kodak is really really hard to fit. She may have a build similar to your half Arab. She's QH, but with dainty features (and the tiniest hooves). Fairly broad, but short back, with a shoulder that sits far back, and a sharp dip behind her shoulder. Also, slightly rump high, so I always feel I'm falling forward. But I also think her shape changes a lot through the seasons. Harley has a thinline half pad with sheepskin rolls so I may shim it up in the front and try it on Kodak to see if that helps until she builds topline. So far I have tried on about a dozen saddles on her, and none fit.
> 
> I did just find a really good deal on a Thorowgood AP, so I bought it. I have no idea if it will fit either horse, but for the price I paid, I figure it's worth a shot. I will re-sell if it fits neither horse. It would be a step up from a Wintec, but still synthetic, and still within my budget.


Oh goodness, I empathize with you on not regularly having access to an indoor arena! I am currently living in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and my first show of the season is a little over a month away, and we just got two more feet of snow! All I've done this winter is mostly walk trot stuff, with a lot of lateral work, along with pivots and backing. I am so jealous that you get your arena plowed though, I have been considering getting a good shovel, and trying to make some sort of path so I can actually do stuff :lol:

I just bought a Simco western saddle for my Toofine, after unsuccessfully trying at least a dozen other saddles on him, all of different makes, models, and styles, and big surprise, it doesn't fit. I'm planning on just getting a good pad and DIY shimming it, since it will probably just be used for one or two pleasure classes, maybe 3 times this summer. I feel like I'm at the point that only custom or treeless would fit him, and everyone knows how expensive those options are...


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

ClearDonkey said:


> Oh goodness, I empathize with you on not regularly having access to an indoor arena! I am currently living in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, and my first show of the season is a little over a month away, and we just got two more feet of snow! All I've done this winter is mostly walk trot stuff, with a lot of lateral work, along with pivots and backing. I am so jealous that you get your arena plowed though, I have been considering getting a good shovel, and trying to make some sort of path so I can actually do stuff :lol:
> 
> I just bought a Simco western saddle for my Toofine, after unsuccessfully trying at least a dozen other saddles on him, all of different makes, models, and styles, and big surprise, it doesn't fit. I'm planning on just getting a good pad and DIY shimming it, since it will probably just be used for one or two pleasure classes, maybe 3 times this summer. I feel like I'm at the point that only custom or treeless would fit him, and everyone knows how expensive those options are...


Yes, we're pretty spoiled as far as clearing the riding ring in the winter. We have a farm tractor with a 6' wide snowblower attachment so it doesn't take long. Sometimes hubby clears the whole 150 x 90' area, sometimes just a track around. Otherwise not only would we not be able to ride, but the horses would have a hard time getting around (my riding arena is also my winter paddock). Have you looked at one of those hand-push snowblowers? What do you use to clear your driveway? When we don't get a whole lot of snow, or if there's just a crust to break up on top, I'll use my four-wheeler and drag to pack it down and break up the crust. I've even gone out in snowshoes to beat a path around. The things we do...

And yeah, even with a path cleared, all we can do is walk/trot really. A tiny bit of cantering. We also have shows starting in May, but my daughter already agreed that it would be too soon, so we'll skip the first ones.

Sorry about your saddle woes. So frustrating... I knew a lot about horse ownership before we got horses and brought them home, having had ponies and a horse when I was young, but I was unprepared for the cost and complexity of saddle fitting. When I was a kid, we just threw whatever we had on our horses. Or nothing at all. Which I am seriously considering (bareback) for myself and my mare, but she's spooky so maybe not such a good idea... I'm currently riding her in my Aussie, which seems to fit her well, but is harder to post in so not great for lessons. Also thinking about those treeless Ghost saddles... apparently they fit any horse. But without the option of trying one on (no dealers even remotely close to me), I'm not willing to take the plunge.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

beau159 said:


> I am a parent, although my oldest isn’t even two years old yet so we have a ways to go!
> 
> Growing up we went to local relaxed shows that would usually have a couple showing events in the morning (usually halter and western pleasure) and then speed events after. Looking back now, one thing I really appreciated is that my mom never pressured us to do well. We were there to have FUN. Sure, we were excited to win a ribbon or some money, but that was never the goal.
> 
> ...


I hear you. And to be clear, it's not that I want my daughter to get ribbons. She's the one who is competitive, and is disappointed when she doesn't do well (ribbon or not). I'm not sure she even enjoys going to shows. I do know she feels it's a lot of work - as do I. The whole bathing and braiding, getting up early to haul Harley to shows that are at least an hour away, sometimes more, getting there already tired at 8 am then waiting a few hours for her classes to go on, and at the end of the day, doing it all over again, putting everything away, cleaning and returning the rented trailer... we do enjoy her coach's fun shows the most because we know everyone there, so it's a social day. I love spending the day with my daughter, but I do find the show scene to be exhausting. However, going to shows helps motivate my daughter to keep setting riding goals for herself. Adults can set goals and just ride in their backyard for the sake of riding, but I find that my daughter needs concrete goals. She's a planner. So for now, shows provide that for her. And when she does well, she feels good about herself.


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## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

^^on that note (getting ready for shows), I was always out with the horses the day before, getting ready what I could. Then the day of, I would be up and outside grooming horses before anyone else was up. 

Oh, not that I think you are pressuring your daughter (because you don’t) but I just remember seeing other parents be mad at their kid for not doing x, y, z in the ring (showing or games) and I always felt sorry for the other kid. 

Shows do indeed give you something to work toward, even though they are work themselves. And a deadline to do it! On one hand, I don’t mind getting up extremely early to get my horses all “pretty” for the show that day. It’s kinda like playing dress up. Haha. But definitely I appreciate going to a barrel race and not even brushing out my horse’s mane and tail, because the clock isn’t a judge.


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## ClearDonkey (Nov 27, 2016)

Acadianartist said:


> Yes, we're pretty spoiled as far as clearing the riding ring in the winter. We have a farm tractor with a 6' wide snowblower attachment so it doesn't take long. Sometimes hubby clears the whole 150 x 90' area, sometimes just a track around. Otherwise not only would we not be able to ride, but the horses would have a hard time getting around (my riding arena is also my winter paddock). Have you looked at one of those hand-push snowblowers? What do you use to clear your driveway? When we don't get a whole lot of snow, or if there's just a crust to break up on top, I'll use my four-wheeler and drag to pack it down and break up the crust. I've even gone out in snowshoes to beat a path around. The things we do...
> 
> And yeah, even with a path cleared, all we can do is walk/trot really. A tiny bit of cantering. We also have shows starting in May, but my daughter already agreed that it would be too soon, so we'll skip the first ones.


I unfortunately board, and the arena I would prefer to use gets the snow pile put in front of it! Lately, since the snow has been going down, I have tried finding the parts of the yard that aren't yet muddy to ride in, but it looks like that is coming to an end. My BO and the majority of her boarders only ride trails, so I'm really the only person that uses the arenas regularly in good weather :lol:


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> I hear you. And to be clear, it's not that I want my daughter to get ribbons. She's the one who is competitive, and is disappointed when she doesn't do well (ribbon or not). I'm not sure she even enjoys going to shows. I do know she feels it's a lot of work - as do I. The whole bathing and braiding, getting up early to haul Harley to shows that are at least an hour away, sometimes more, getting there already tired at 8 am then waiting a few hours for her classes to go on, and at the end of the day, doing it all over again, putting everything away, cleaning and returning the rented trailer... we do enjoy her coach's fun shows the most because we know everyone there, so it's a social day. I love spending the day with my daughter, but I do find the show scene to be exhausting.


I have to laugh at this. I started showing when I was quite a few years younger than your daughter and at 60, in the middle of foaling seaon, I'm still dreaming and getting ready for shows. In high school I passed on my Sr. Prom to go to a state champ horse show. I work/ed my tail off before, during and after those shows. It's a LOT of dirty, frequently hot & sweaty (So Cal & Az deserts) work. I whine/d the whole time, and I still do. I grouse, I grump and I moan and carry on like a 5 year old. And you know what? Don't make the mistake of telling me to just not go if I hate it so much.....LOL! My hubby stepped where THOSE Angels feared to tread and went around headless for awhile. I LOVE showing. Part of the grousing and grumping is what I call show prep nerves/tension. I am a total perfectionist and my horses will By God be groomed and cleaned to within an inch of their lives and that makes SO much more work because I am rarely ever satisfied. Especially on light horses, there's always a speck somewhere. 

Once I decide the horse won't embarrass me or I him/her and is fit to step in the ring and won't shame me in front of the judges, I still will follow around all the way to the in gate with my grooming tools (if I'm not the one showing in that class, if I am then somebody else BETTER be following me to get the last bit of dust/dirt off boots, hooves, whatever) flickin' at that poor animal, poor rider/handlers boots/shirt/number, whatever. Then, once we're in the swing of things, I'll start to socialize a bit, if I have the time and energy. 

Like your daughter, I'm always very disappointed if we don't do well. And by do well, I mean our level best, not ribbons & trophies. If we've ridden as well as we can at that moment on that day and the horse hasn't been a complete brat, we learn something and have a fun day, I'm good. Ride for the ride, not the ribbon. And then, when it's all over, we clean up, stow away our gear for the next time, load up, have a celebratory dinner or a condolence dinner on the way home, put the ponies away and fall into bed exhausted. I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend/week/10 days. The last time we took a 'vacation' away from a horse show was a couple of years ago when we went to a medical conference in the Bahamas. I was on the phone the entire time, checking on horses and planning our next show outing the following weekend. LOL! That's ADDICTED to showing.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Haha, that's awesome @*DreamCatcher* !

See, I'm the mom standing around not knowing what to do, trying to figure out why the other horse moms have grooming kits strapped to their waists, and a cloth tucked into their back pocket. Until the kids are ready to go in, and those moms are shining boots, brushing mud off hooves, tucking in a loose strand of hair.... meanwhile, I'm like "Meh... she's just gonna get dirty again anyway."

I do it because my daughter wants to do it. I have come to sort of enjoy it, somewhat... but I find it nerve-wracking and stressful. Not just being in the show ring, but even just driving there with a horse trailer, loading and unloading, being near all those other people with horses and horse trailers who seem to think it's no big deal. 

It doesn't help that the last show we went to was pretty traumatic. It was a fun show at my daughter's coach's barn, and just before the show was about to start, the coach put out her old mare to free up a stall for people like me who had asked to rent a stall for the day. Her mare went down (she was like 32), and could not get up. They had to euthanize the horse. Meanwhile, no one knew what to do, whether the show was cancelled or what. The dead horse was in full sight, the coach sobbing (this was her heart mare who took her to nationals). Suddenly she got up and told riders to mount their horses so the show could start. The old mare was covered in blankets and flowers, and we put up a sort of curtain of blankets around her. Then, as the shaken girls were warming up, a rider took a nasty fall and got a concussion. She stayed down for a few minutes while a nurse assessed her, and everything came to a halt again. She happened to have the same name as my daughter. My horsey friends happened to drive in right then, only to see a dead horse in the paddock covered in blankets and flowers, and then to be told that a girl with the same name as my daughter had fallen and had a concussion so they assumed it was my daughter. They were totally traumatized and gave us the biggest hugs when they spotted us, all alive and well. 

As the day went on, everyone was in a pretty sober mood, but it went well nonetheless, and I never admired someone so much as my daughter's coach who put on a brave face for the sake of all those young girls who had worked so hard to be there. It really was quite something.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

That would have been a very tough show. I think I'd have loaded up and gone home. As the trainer, I think I'd have said, "Sorry folks, better luck next time.". There might have been a few complaints, and I'd remember those folks for next time. 

As for falls & concussions, they happen, even with a helmet on. Not nice, but horseback riding is a risky sport. We all know it and accept it. 

You should ride in a class or 2 at the fun shows, it would give you something to do and it would help your nerves. Sounds like get all wound up, worse than your daughter even thinks about.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Dreamcatcher Arabians said:


> That would have been a very tough show. I think I'd have loaded up and gone home. As the trainer, I think I'd have said, "Sorry folks, better luck next time.". There might have been a few complaints, and I'd remember those folks for next time.
> 
> As for falls & concussions, they happen, even with a helmet on. Not nice, but horseback riding is a risky sport. We all know it and accept it.
> 
> You should ride in a class or 2 at the fun shows, it would give you something to do and it would help your nerves. Sounds like get all wound up, worse than your daughter even thinks about.


Yes, I kind of assumed the show was off at that point. It was all very.... I don't even know how to describe it. I was ready to pack up and go. But she made the decision, and we weren't about to walk away at that point. She is one of the strongest people I know. We did have a moment of silence for the poor horse. And all the young girls suddenly had to face this hard reality of horse ownership. 

And yes, of course falls happen. They do at every show. But this happened so fast after, and everyone was already shaken up. It felt like the day was cursed. But it was not. The show went well, everyone did well, and we dedicated the day to the old mare Melody and her former days of glory. 

I've thought of doing a walk/trot class on Harley, but he's already entered in about 6-8 classes at each show, so I feel he needs the break. I am a bit of a wreck, but I think my daughter is just like me - she just doesn't show it. She plays tough, but I have seen her heart break when things fell apart. 

This parenting thing is a tough gig.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

Lots and lots of good advice here! 

I could add that my parents didn't pay for anything, it was all on me so a supportive parent means the world. I had to borrow my saddle; didn't even own one. I was a tiny bit envious of the ones with the two thousand dollar western saddles, and was even afraid to touch them. 

But all along, I knew for a kid of 11 to buy her own pony and compete him all on my own was an achievement, and honestly I felt better even as a kid for doing it on my own. The other kids just sat on their perfectly trained horses; no way was I jealous of them. I was proud to have taken a half broke horse and turned him into a pleasure to ride. 

Let your daughter experience the good and the bad; if she is tough enough to ride in that snow she is tough enough to handle not having a shiny new saddle. Her relationship with her horse is most likely the most important thing to her. 

BTW I realize that Dressage is a bit different, but I competed as an adult on a Wintec and it never made a bit of difference in my scores. Do believe there was a famous rider umm yeah name of Isabell that rode a Wintec in the Olympics! Had a saddle named after her, so there's that 

Go ahead and bring your horse to the show and enter something, maybe you won't worry so much!


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

AnitaAnne said:


> Let your daughter experience the good and the bad; if she is tough enough to ride in that snow she is tough enough to handle not having a shiny new saddle. Her relationship with her horse is most likely the most important thing to her.


We actually had a good talk about it last night. The clinics, the custom high end saddles, the increasing competitiveness in our area (a barn near us is hosting an FEI eventing competition and it's a really big deal so that may be part of why everyone is getting so competitive suddenly). She's not interested in any of it. She just wants to keep doing a few low-level jumping shows in the area. She also said that if she gets bored of jumping, or if Harley gets too old for it, she'd like to do more vaulting, or even trick training with him (he's a clever horse and can be taught to do just about anything). I'm happy that she wants to keep working with Harley rather than always wanting the next horse up (this is another trend in my area - kids getting 3 year old warmbloods and thoroughbreds because they want to take it up a notch and their backyard ponies just don't cut it anymore, sigh). 



AnitaAnne said:


> BTW I realize that Dressage is a bit different, but I competed as an adult on a Wintec and it never made a bit of difference in my scores. Do believe there was a famous rider umm yeah name of Isabell that rode a Wintec in the Olympics! Had a saddle named after her, so there's that


Haha, excellent point!!! Isabelle happens to be my daughter's name too  I wish she would do dressage, but she thinks it's boring. Maybe she'll change her mind eventually. 



AnitaAnne said:


> Go ahead and bring your horse to the show and enter something, maybe you won't worry so much!


I would, but I don't trust Kodak at shows. She spooks at everything - a show with so much going on, tents blowing in the wind, kids running around, would just be too much for her. She's doing much better, but I want to take it slow with her.


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## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

Acadian - Kodak might surprise you. I agree to take her with to shows. My mother’s gelding is horribly spooky at home. She’s only taken him to a handful of shows so far but he actually does fine at shows! It’s so strange. It could be he feels safe inside the arena fences. Or maybe because there’s other horses around. We’re not really sure but he’s an angel at shows, and a wreck at home. 

Worst case scenario, leave Kodak tied to the trailer all day if she’s being a spazz. Just standing there all day is wonderful “medicine” for spookiness. But you just never know ... she may feel very comfortable at a show!

As far as falls and concussions at shows, they happen. Once the person is stabilized and the ambulance leaves, the show goes on.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

beau159 said:


> Acadian - Kodak might surprise you. I agree to take her with to shows. My mother’s gelding is horribly spooky at home. She’s only taken him to a handful of shows so far but he actually does fine at shows! It’s so strange. It could be he feels safe inside the arena fences. Or maybe because there’s other horses around. We’re not really sure but he’s an angel at shows, and a wreck at home.
> 
> Worst case scenario, leave Kodak tied to the trailer all day if she’s being a spazz. Just standing there all day is wonderful “medicine” for spookiness. But you just never know ... she may feel very comfortable at a show!
> 
> As far as falls and concussions at shows, they happen. Once the person is stabilized and the ambulance leaves, the show goes on.


I can't tie Kodak solid anywhere. She pulls back until she hurts herself. 

I do think she's happier with lots of horses around. I think she's used to a herd. But I'm nowhere near ready to take her to shows, because it could be a total train wreck, which certainly would not help my nerves one bit. I haven't even been able to load her in a trailer yet. And I don't really want to show. But there's a kid riding Kodak these days, maybe she'll get to a point where she'd like to take her (we go to the same shows, and she's not super-competitive either). 

In any case, I'm happy with my job as show groom/supply carrier/horse holder. This is not about me, it's about me making sure things go smoothly for my daughter. I just have to be a little more relaxed about it. In a year or two, she probably won't even want my help anymore, and I can just sit with the spectators.


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## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> In any case, I'm happy with my job as show groom/supply carrier/horse holder. This is not about me, it's about me making sure things go smoothly for my daughter. I just have to be a little more relaxed about it. In a year or two, she probably won't even want my help anymore, and I can just sit with the spectators.


I always have more fun when my mom is riding and competing too. Then we can cheer each other on!

Show Mom goals? : - )


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

beau159 said:


> I always have more fun when my mom is riding and competing too. Then we can cheer each other on!
> 
> Show Mom goals? : - )


Haha... well, never say never.


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## mkmurphy81 (May 8, 2015)

I'm with the majority here. My mom was somewhat willing to help with shows, but she didn't horse. My parents bought my horse (not a high-dollar show horse) and paid to board her. When a friend was selling her old show saddle, they bought it for me. We did a few local shows a year, and my mom drove me there and watched. I was on my own for everything else, including training.

At my barn, there were four categories of riders. 1) There were those who just took a lesson a week on the school horses, no showing. I didn't know many of them very well. 2) There were those who owned their own horse, took a lesson a week, had the trainer ride the horse the other days, showed up and sat on the horse at the shows, and won the ribbons. I didn't like many of them very well. 3) There were those who had their own horse, rode with the trainer and on their own, and were capable of riding trails or whatever. They were my friends. 4) Then there was me. My parents didn't pay for lessons. If my horse was acting up, it was my problem to fix. On the trails, I was the one who could get everyone safely home. I didn't do as many shows as the other girls, and I didn't win much anyway. 

It didn't bother me. I had more fun training my horse and acting like an idiot on trails. I learned to handle a lot on my own. I'm seeing a pattern here. A lot of other posters are like me. We're still riding. I wonder how many of those girls I knew with the perfectly trained horse and the high-end saddles and mommy/daddy/trainer to jump in and fix all their problems are still riding today, as adults?

I'm not saying lessons are bad. I wish I had more support like that when I was a kid. Acadian, I think you have a great balance between a supportive mom and trainer and a capable independent daughter. I do worry that those girls with the custom saddles and clinics every weekend will quit riding when the money stops flowing.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Thanks @mkmurphy81 - I like your categories, lol. 

I am very reassured by all your stories of not having it all served to you on a silver platter. Makes me feel less guilty about not being able to do it for my daughter, knowing that in fact, I may be doing her a favor.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Acadianartist said:


> Thanks @mkmurphy81 - I like your categories, lol.
> 
> I am very reassured by all your stories of not having it all served to you on a silver platter. Makes me feel less guilty about not being able to do it for my daughter, knowing that in fact, I may be doing her a favor.


Kids would rather eat out of a carryout box and spend it with the ones they love than eat off a silver platter all by themselves. And there's nothing worse than an entitled brat (no matter HOW old that brat is) to be around. So, yes, IMO you're doing her a favor. You aren't owed anything just for being born.


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