# Scared 9 year old



## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I recently inherited a 9 year old student from my sister (who just made it into the police academy! Woohoo) who is rather shy and timid. The switch was difficult for her, she was pretty attached to my sister. She is a very beginner rider. Finally can post her trot off the lunge line, but we stay in the round pen most days because she cannot get the horse trotting on her own because there is not an aggressive enough to keep the horse moving (which is what we are working on). 

My dilemma started two weeks ago. She was walking around and the horse turned around to bite a fly (hard to believe this has never happened before) and she lost her marbles. Threw the reins down, screaming, sobbing.. the whole nine. I get it, its scary. I explained why horses do that, how they can get bugs off, how we bug spray them, the horse isn't being mean, etc. The following lesson the same thing happens. Crying, sobbing, screaming... The whole nine. I let her relax then we got back to work. Lucky it didn't happen again but she was shrieking every time the horse so much as shook her head. 

I think I may have to talk to her mother and do unmounted work with her. Maybe work on driving the donkeys or something. I'm confident the horse isn't going anywhere or will react to the screaming, but its still unsafe behavior. That, and God forbid the horse bite her or she thinks she got bite... It's not gonna be pretty. 

Has anyone ever come across this before? How would you handle it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

My daughter is a panic-er.. it took me a long time, and a LOT of patience to get her to where she is now (shes 6yo, w/t/c and popping a small pole)... but to be fair, the main contributor to her progress is her pony (thank you ol girl!). 

Patience is the way forward, and often I found that the less reaction I gave the situation, the less of a display she put on. For a while DD would go into fits of tears if the pony would shake her head - pure panic that she was losing control. If I reacted to the situation, she was worse than ignoring the situation and putting the focus elsewhere. She got into a strop, I concentrated on a game or bringing her attention elsewhere. Games were a HUGE impact on her confidence, it took the intensity of a lesson away and made it more enjoyable. 

Time will be the biggest thing, we all progress at different stages and different speeds.. sometimes it's hard for us who are older to remember that. 

Best of luck with her!


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## LilacsBloom (Jun 30, 2013)

I don't expect I'll be too much help as I'm a new lesson person myself. However, I have been scared on my lesson horse, so I can relate a little. . Because I'm new, the tiniest things scare me. Like my the horse's rump moving slight upward as it rubbed its belly with its knee to get at a pesky fly. Super scary. Lol

I wonder if time interacting with the horse on the ground would benefit your student. My instructor has me get the horse out of the stall, brush, tack up, etc on my own -- (under decreasing supervision, and I have not yet done the bridle) I also brush her down and put her away on my own. I feel so much more comfortable brushing her now, after 6 lessons, than I did at first. It has been really helpful to simply have my hands on her. I notice a difference in my comfort level compared to my first few lessons, and also notice that I am much more comfortable with her than other horses just on the ground walking past them. Basically, brushing her and "getting to know her" that way has been beneficial to my comfort level, though I'm still nervous in the saddle.

Maybe something like that could be helpful? Poor girl, she sounds terrified, but she sure cant continue with her big reactions.


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Who's idea is this horse thing? The kid or the mom?
Might not be the activity for this child. Just a thought...


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I know the mother pushes her to do a lot of things but I know she likes horseback riding, or so she says. 

Lilacblossum, after it happened I ended the lesson early and explained diffent ways horses get ride of flies, about how we fly spray them and we observed horses stomping, biting, shaking and twitching. Her lessons are only 30 mintues long so we typically don't do any unmounted work besides cross tying and putting the reins away. 

I don't really give into her fits. I say "your ok, take a few deep breaths, it was just _____. Let me know when your ready to continue." very matter-o-factly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## srcosticov (Aug 14, 2013)

SlideStop said:


> Has anyone ever come across this before? How would you handle it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I had one student who was similar in the sense that she was very unsure of herself and lacked confidence but I've never had a student that was THAT scared of the horse.

I think you're on the right path in thinking that ground work is the way to go. I would have her handle the horse as much as possible (grooming, especially handling the feet, clipping, etc...) and then work on leading and line work. I found that making them responsible for the horse's actions helps build their confidence and they feel better on the ground because of the sense of control that comes with it.

I wish you guys luck and also... totally congrats to your sister, one of my besties is in the Academy right now and I barely see her.


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## Blossom in Srping (Jun 28, 2013)

We had originally got our haflinger for my granddaughter as a Christmas present. She was so into horses and wanted one, so Santa was good. Well one day the hafie took off on her and she fell off. We tried everything to get her back on that day but nothing was going to do it. That was back in early Feb. So I took the hafie over, and have been working with her(the horse). My grandson came along and decided he wanted to ride also. So I took him into a leadline class. He got a 3rd, 4th and 5th place ribbon for his classes. My granddaughter I believe was jealous, so she became interested in horses again, but not the haflinger. 
We took her to pony camp for one week in July and then private lessons in August. 
She was petrified the first couple of times back on a horse, to the point of shaking and crying. But she wanted to do this and continued. Thank goodness for the patient trainers. My granddaughter did barrels today at the trot. She is learning to steer and trot both sitting and posting, but they also do some fun stuff like the barrels and trail rides and round the world. 
She had to learn during pony camp to brush and take care of the horses on the ground, leading them around etc. 

So long story short, I do believe first you should find out if its this girls desire to ride or her parents wish. If its the girls, I think with time and patience she will get better. This will be a baby step kind of thing. I also agree with others that starting on the ground might help also. Brushing, picking hooves, leading around etc. Leadline her on a trail, play some games, make it fun. But again, all in time with baby steps. 

Good luck to you and best wishes for the little girl.


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## mammakatja (Nov 3, 2009)

I think everyone just about covered it here. Yes, time and exposure is your best friend at the moment. We do the same thing when we start a green horse and desensitize one that spooks at everything. LOL! And definitely don't make a big deal out of her panic attacks. Gently talk her through them and keep going which it sounds like you're already doing. And also as mentioned, it's not for everyone. I was a toddler when I was first exposed to horses and adults used to freak out because I was NOT afraid of them... at all. I couldn't get enough of horses. And I'm not talking shetland ponies either. And if something negative happened, I was that much more determined to rectify the situation even at a very young age. I remember being 7 or so years old and was bitten quite badly in the side by a pony at a birthday party. I would not leave that pony's side, despite the bite, and I would not let a soul know it happened. My mother almost had a heart attack when she found the bruise that night. I'm now 40 years old and just as crazy about them and have 4 of my own. Obviously I had the bug since birth and never had to warm up to it. LOL! Now I have 6 kids and only 1 of them ended up with my bug. She's just as nuts. I never had to push. They've grown up around my horse habit and if they showed interest, I'd go from there. If they eventually lost interest, oh well. My 9 year old ate it up from the start and hasn't looked back. So long story short, if she continues to have these panic attacks after several exposures, it may just not be her thing. I don't think you can teach passion. :-|


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

This little girl may be more in love with the idea of having a horse than the reality.


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## Cherie (Dec 16, 2010)

If a child is scared and 'really' does want to ride (not just the Mom), I put them on a very gentle, slow, little horse I have named Shorty and go to the pasture on a lead-line. I tell them that I have some neat stuff to show them and I'll lead Shorty there because it is a long way to go. We go to the pond dam and look for turtles and tracks from animals; we go to the 'bone yard' and pick out what bones went where on the cow or horse that left them there; we do everything BUT bark orders and riding instructions. I just make the horse ride fun. In no time at all, most of them are ready to ride Shorty in the round pen.

If they are still scared, I keep him on a longe line and just teach them how to go forward and reverse them toward me so I can let them just work on the line. I just do that until THEY are ready to go on. 

The absolutely most important part of the equation is not to 'over-mount' them. They have a very difficult time following too many directions and instructions -- so don't bark too many orders at them. Make it fun and not a 'school class'.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Like Cherie said, make it fun! Build obstacle courses where silly things happen, like being led backwards between two cones.. or doing an around the world.

Just anything to get her mind off of how far off the ground she is, or how big the horse is... just anything fun and silly!


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Just because someone is scared, doesn't mean they don't love horses or want to get braver. I have always been a scaredy cat and horses actually help me work through my fear issues.

Once I am comfortable on a horse, I can trail ride them by myself and do just about anything with them, but getting to that point can sometimes be hard.

For instance, I now have a 3 yr old gelding and every time he bucks or seriously spooks I feel like the sky is falling. I stay on and ride and correct the issue, but it shakes me up so badly I often go home and cry about it. (Falling off can set me back weeks). But that doesn't mean I don't want to get to a point I am comfortable on the horse and I am still working on that. I know I can get there if both the horse and I get a little more confident and get more mileage under out belts. It's not that a person doesn't have the passion......I have been addicted to horses since I was in kindergarten. I don't think anyone can love horses more strongly than I do. It's more of an anxiety attack or something along those lines. Kind of like you just missed a car accident and your brain is telling you, "wow, I could have gotten hurt just then."

Yes, make sure it's the girl's idea. No use pushing her if she doesn't love horses. But if she does love horses, then working through her fears with horses can help her work through her other fears in life. Because I doubt her fear doesn't show up in other areas as well. It's no fun being scared of everything.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I am a *very* firm believer in not over horsing a child or pushing beyond their limits. The two horses she has been on are DEAD broke, they are therapy horses. If I "down grade" the horse she is riding the horse would either have to be dead or be "Peggy" the vaulting horse. The one she typically rides has a sitting trot to DIE for. She is 100% capable of getting the horse to trot, but she doesn't like to be firm with him. I try to play Simon says with her, give her "Challenges" to boost her confidence, I chat with her to make her feel comfortable, etc. All of our lessons have been fine until the fly biting issue. Unfortunately its a natural reaction for horses, its not like he is ripping the reins from her hands or dragging her around.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

trailhorserider said:


> Just because someone is scared, doesn't mean they don't love horses or want to get braver. I have always been a scaredy cat and horses actually help me work through my fear issues.
> 
> Once I am comfortable on a horse, I can trail ride them by myself and do just about anything with them, but getting to that point can sometimes be hard.
> 
> ...


I have no doubt she likes horses and typically enjoys riding. I also have no doubt she is probably fearful and anxious in other areas of her life. I'm more then willing to work with her on her fears, that's what I'm here for, but this is something that is out of my control. Do I let the horse bite at flies as many times as it take for her to realize it's not a big deal? God forbid the horse hits her leg or bites her... will it ruin horseback riding forever? Is it easier to take the safe road and do unmounted or teach her driving until the flies are gone? 

On the other hand if and when she moves on to another horse and riding more independently I can't have her screaming her lungs out and throwing the reins down in the middle of the arena. Its dangerous to herself and possibly the people around her. Our horses are specifically trained of selected for their non reactive personalities, but they are still horses.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

What about leading her around instead of having her ride solo? So if the horse does something silly, she can hold onto mane and you're there to comfort her if she's truly scared?


With students that had no confidence at the therapeutic program, I'd give them one on one "hangout with me and the horse" rides. A little more involved and stimulating than a pony ride.. but it helped them out.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Skyseternalangel said:


> Like Cherie said, make it fun! Build obstacle courses where silly things happen, like being led backwards between two cones.. or doing an around the world.
> 
> Just anything to get her mind off of how far off the ground she is, or how big the horse is... just anything fun and silly!


I will probably do half unmounted with and build the obstacle course next week depending on how a chat with her mother goes. She really doesn't have a problem with the size or anything else that I (and my sister) have notices. It's just the fly thing that has sent her off the deep end.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

SlideStop said:


> ........Do I let the horse bite at flies as many times as it take for her to realize it's not a big deal? God forbid the horse hits her leg or bites her... will it ruin horseback riding forever? Is it easier to take the safe road and do unmounted or teach her driving until the flies are gone?


I think she is just going to have to get over the fly thing. Hopefully she will understand that horses don't like being bit by flies anymore than she would. If a fly were biting her, she would shoo or slap it off and the horse is just doing the same thing. She should hopefully understand that.  What if a horse trips, as all horses do? That will probably scare her too but she will also have to get over horses tripping. 

I know she must be frustrating to work with. She would be frustrating for ME to work with, and I understand. I think my riding buddy thinks_ I'm_ frustrating to work with, because she is totally fearless and I'm not. 

I don't have any good answers. I just know for me, getting a lot of successful rides under my belt overcomes fear. And then it becomes a partnership with the horse that is truly enjoyable. Pretty soon the horse is my best friend and we are exploring the world together. That is a wonderful goal for someone to obtain.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

When she calmed down I awed her what she did when she gets bit by mosquitos. She answered hit them. I said he is doing the same thing. I showed her the bumps on his neck from fly bites. I did my best to get her to sympathize with him. 

She isn't all that frustrating to me. It's her lesson so if she wants to sob over a fly or not put effort into getting the horse moving I get paid regardless :wink:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stillstandin (Nov 10, 2009)

I have two sons that began riding with me at a very young age. While Chance was always fearless with the horses Brody was far more timid and cautious. Moving cattle one day, the boys insisted they help. The unthinkable happened and the boys had a runaway with their two deadbroke quiet horses. Even Chance was very shook up from this experience and this was a kid who always rode my barrel horses. All the talk and groundwork didn't get the boys over the fear that they had. So out of pure frustration I turned them loose on their geldings and told them to play tag. The boys went from gripping the saddle horns shaking in fear to tearing around the arena and hanging off the horses trying to tag each other. Before this Brody had never even loped a horse he was far too timid. To this day if I am ever working with somebody who has some "fear" issues or is timid we play tag. Then we go back to regular lessons.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

My #3 son was like this when he was young after a few bad experiences and we let him give the riding a break and he just spent his time grooming and leading etc then when he was a bit older he suddenly asked if he could start again and he was like a totally different child - if anything a bit too fearless
You can only really be patient with children and allow them to work these things out in their own heads so they either confront them or they don't
We had a lot of children come to the riding schools that I hung out at when I was a teenager and then later on worked for a while in one. They were madly in love with horses and the idea of riding, inspired maybe by the whole Black Beauty TV series and the Black Arabian type things but the reality of it was so different they soon quit


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I called mom on the phone and let her know what's happening. Funny, her daughter didn't mention anything about being scared of the horse biting at flies. I told her we have several options 1) keep riding 1.5) go back on the lead line 2) do unmounted 3) I can teach her to drive the donkeys. She is going to chat with her and see what she would like to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

SlideStop said:


> I called mom on the phone and let her know what's happening. Funny, her daughter didn't mention anything about being scared of the horse biting at flies. I told her we have several options 1) keep riding 1.5) go back on the lead line 2) do unmounted 3) I can teach her to drive the donkeys. She is going to chat with her and see what she would like to do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Great. Let us know how it goes. It could be that even though she gets scared she bounces right back and still enjoys riding. We'll see I guess!


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## donovan (Jun 11, 2009)

how did it go?


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

Sorry, we haven't had lessons the past two Saturdays. I'll update you this Saturday!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

at the ranch if a kid is scared (a lot of the time they just aren't used to horses) we'll usually convince them to get on and then if the don't want to stay on, they don't and they can wait in their cabin or (as I prefer) hang out at the gate and pet the horses that come by, lots of ours will come to people at the gate for pets


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