# A Dreamer's Vessel >> Kenzie && Sour



## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

After a record (for me)* 48 page* thread tracking the often terrifying, always rewarding journey of Kenzie, the filly that could- I have finally decided that it is high time that she and my lovely mare Sour had the chance to own their own little piece of Horse Forum in the form of a journal. So without further to do, I present to you 'A Dreamer's Vessel', inspired by Brook Garth's - The River, which just happens to be my favorite song _ever_ right now 

First, a little bit of backround on both gals.









*Badabing Badaboom*​ 
Breed: Thoroughbred
Age: Approximately 16 months old.
Height: 12.2hh
Sex: Filly
Aquired- December 22nd, 2013​ 
Boom, or 'Kenzie' as we all know her, has lived a very unfortunate life of hardship dispite her young age. As a very short summary, she was rescued from a bankrupt breeder who had hidden six horses away in two crammed racetrack stalls in November of 2011, only to have her dam pass away to a massive stroke when Kenzie was only 2 months old. She was bucket/creep fed until she was at weaning age, then was adopted out to a seemingly lovely young family who wanted her to be their next pleasure/trail mount. About a year later the rescue happened to stop by to check in and see how she was doing, only to find that she was standing in a pile of muck, no feed, water, or companions in sight, very sick and starving to death. She was immediately pulled and brought back to us, her original fosters- only to collapse in her stall later that night. She was soon diagnosed with Equine Herpes Virus and given less than a 15% chance of living. Dispite the odds, a high fever, refusal to eat, and the fact that she stayed down almost an entire week, she was able to pull through and began a slow recovery. She has battled EHV, emanciation, worms, ulcers, abcessing, thrush in all four legs, a shoulder injury, and severe stuntinng, but somehow she is pulling out of it and is just now learning what its really like to be a horse. After a 8 week quarentine, she now has a lovely pasture buddy named Ginger and quite a few fans to adore her. She still needs to gain at least another 50 pounds and still battles ulcers and severe hoof problems, but she's made so much progress and I can't be happier! I've never met such a sweet little filly and I feel priviledged to be able to help her learn to love life again.​ 
read her full story here!: http://www.horseforum.com/horse-health/severe-stunting-can-she-ever-normal-147465/​ 






 







 
H:// She Don't Lie​ 
Breed: Miniature Horse
Age: Coming five year old, born April 28th
Height:34.25 inches
Sex: Mare
Aquired: September 17th, 2012​ 
Sour is my crazy demon child  Her story and mine is very long, but in short, I was actually there to see her be born back almost five years ago, though I didn't know it at the time. I was just a 12 year old horse crazy preteen with no experience, but I loved her from the start. She left the farm the day after she was born, only to come back as a weanling- untouched, crazy, wormy, slipper hooved, and with a halter growing into her face. Theres no reason that her path and mine should have intertwined...I was just the lowly volunteer that mucked stalls, and she was a pretty much feral minal. But it did. Unfortunately a very unkind young man got his hands on her shortly after she arrived and he attempted to lay her down incorrectly, hitting her and pushing her until she collasped, trembling. From that point on she hated people, and people hated her. She bit, she kicked, the lunged, she attacked...nothing was the limit for her. But after being abandoned in a corral to be sent off to the meat buyer, I couldn't help but want to reach out to her.​ 
They say that green and green equal black and blue. This is true. I can't tell you how many times I got kicked or bitten by her. I don't know how I didn't manage to kill us both. Somehow though, God's grace fell on us, and she slowly learned to trust me. As I learned more about horses, I began to realize what I was doing wrong, and along with a trainer and my saint of a mentor, I somehow managed to bond with Sour. Four years later, I am proud to say that the agressive demon pony that was once hated, is now a favorite at our barn. She is by no means a beginners horse dispite her size, and she'll never be a 'cutsey little companion pony' but I love her to death, and she respects me. She is now a green driving pony and attended her very first parade on February 22nd; a feat I never dreamed we could accomplish. She has superb ground manners, is a dream to drive, and is everything I could ask for in a first horse. The two of us should have never worked out, but somehow we did. And I will never regret it!​ 






 
Sour does have one foal, (not by my choice- she was not mine at the time) a beautiful dun miniature mule filly named Honor, who was born on 9-11-12. Unfortunately due to only having limited time and funds, I did have to sell her last month. I am very heartbroken, but I realize it was the correct thing to do, and her new owners love her!​ 






 


*and so begins our journey...*​


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

I love it! I have followed your stories from the beginning, all 48 pgs, lol. I am excited to continue on with you. Thank you for all you do!


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I think I missed Kenzie's registered name along the way. Lets just say I prefer her nickname  do you have her pedigree up anywhere?

It feels like the "end of an era" with her thread ending, but I'm glad it's for a good reason and i can still stalk her over here!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePaintGirl (Aug 14, 2012)

I am sooo happy she made it! Ive read all the posts on her but never commented but had to finally! That little girl is lucky to have someone like you by her side. 
You can now add two stalkers to your list. I told my dad about her and he now has told me I need to tell him about any updates on her <3 I think Kenzie reminds him of his OTTB that he lost last year

Bless you,
ThePaintGirl


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## EmilyJoy (Dec 30, 2011)

Subbing! Can't wait to see her grow this year!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I prefer Kenzie as well, egrogan xD Badabing Badaboom is the name stated on her sales papers, but I'm not sure that she's actually registered? I'm actually really confused. I know she's register*able* and has the necessary documents to be registered, but I'm thinking they never did send in the papers to the Jockey Club, or they sent in her first papers but not the second? Something along those lines. Badabing Badaboom was then name we were given when she came from the racetrack the first time with her dam and the others, so I don't know if that means they'd already been on some papers or what. I have no idea how Thoroughbred registration works. Apparently it would cost us $300-350 to register her as a yearling though, and its not very high on BO's 'to do' list since it won't make much of a difference. Sigh!

I feel kind of sad ending that last thread as well, but it was getting pretty darned long xD hopefully this thread makes it that long as well!


ANYWAYS, I took some more photos today but for some reason my camera isn't being nice to me and photobucket is lagging so I can only upload one D: Here it is though ^_^ Kenzie says 'Wheres my food woman?!'


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## aerie (Jul 19, 2010)

Subbing/Switching to this thread!!! I am so glad to see all the progress you have made with little Kenzie =) She is the cutest thing ever! And I can't wait to hear more about Sour, She seems like an interesting little mare


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Alright, I finally got photobucket to work for me 

She's shedding like crazy, which is a good thing!



















So I noticed that the hair where her pressure sores were is growing back greyish rather than brown, which is interesting but not unexpected. While was noticing that though, I realized that the callouse on her elbow (from laying on hard ground while emanciated) almost looks like its starting to break open  is that a normal part of 'healing' process, or should I be worried? It was sensative to touch but she did let me poke around at it a little. 










I've noticed, whether good or bad, that the more Kenzie gains weight and energy, the spookier/hotter she is. I'm sure a lot of it just has to do with her age and the fact that she was largely unhandled for a long time, but its definitely an observation I've made over the past few weeks. She spooked twice today and I've noticed that she tends to think 'UP' not 'FORWARDS' when she does get startled or upset, which I'm not to thrilled about. I'd much rather deal with a horse that bolts than rears, but you get what you get I guess. She hasn't actually tried to rear yet and I'm VERY serious about discouraging it, but I can definitely see that she doesn't think the way my mare does when it comes to scary things. She sort of sits back on her haunches and throws her head up, tensing her back, chest, and neck whenever she spooks- THEN moves forwards...or backwards. That'll be fun to work with... 

I refuse to post a picture of Sour right now because she looks aweful xD shedding like crazy, dusty, hay covering her (she very much enjoys eating her hay xD), and total lack of muscle since I havent really had time to work her much lately...ugh. Hopefully she'll look more presentable in a few weeks when she's done shedding.

Here is a picture of one of her hooves though. I'm trying to decide if I want to keep my farrier or try another one for her. They started out TERRIBLE when he first started working on them in September but they still just don't like...right to me. It seems like her heels are still a little underrun, or too short? What do you guys think? For hoof gurus, you might see the telltale signs of founder in that hoof, with the way it bulges- and you're right if you mention it, unfortunately. She foundered just before I bought her in September, after escaping and going on a grain binge >.> it was caught early enough I think, and there was no coffin bone rotation, but its enough to make me very stingy about what I feed her.


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

Kenzie has really turned around w/your care. Is there any way you can change the date you got her-as I see it as Dec. 22,2013 & should be 2012, right?


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Oops xD my mistake. I must be tired! I suppose I could ask a mod to change that for me. Thanks for catching that!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

More pictures since it isn't such a gloomy day today, and my camera decided to co-operate! 

First though, don't you guys just love my garage-converted-into-a-feed-room? My dad is NOT impressed xD I'm going to have to figure something else out soon though. buying 3-4 bags of feed at a time just isn't working, but I have no room for more! The blue bag is just alfalfa/timothy pellets, by the way. I put her back on them because our hay has been of crappy quality lately.










I get the wierdest looks when I go to the feed store. EVERYONE in this area feeds All Stock or Sweet Feed to their horses, so here they are with 10-15 bags loaded on their carts, and I'm going for the expensive stuff. Some guy even stopped me yesterday and asked me why on earth I was buying the 'expensive ****' when they did just fine on all stock which costs $8 a bag, rather than $23 a bag. Oi. 

I had to pick up some more lice medication too. I guess I didn't get all of the eggs last time around and I saw a few more eggs on her when I was washing her mane to day. Oh bother! I grabbed some Y Tex Python Livestock Insecticide Dust that supposively kills lice, ticks, keds, and flies because there wasn't any of the usual stuff in stock. Gotta love lice season >.> Any ideas of how to apply it though? Would using a sock work?

I GUESS I'll show you guys a few pictures of Sour...please ignore her half-shedded nastiness  she always mats up and looks horrible in the early spring, and she's lost a lot of muscle due to me not having time to exercise her much. Poor baby!










I can't believe she's already almost 5!










Kenzie would like to inform you all that the Patience Tree no. 2 is on her enemy lists right now. He and I are SO RUDE for making her stand and wait like a lady for her dinner, because she's CLEARLY withering away. And anyways, pawing makes everything taste better.










With a better quality photo hopefully you can see how much weight she's recovered. Her ribs are ALMOST covered, and her coat is about 2/3 shed out 









I finally dragged my non-horsey family out to see her too, which was quite the adventure xD my grandma wanted to know if she was old. Not quite 











Oh, and just for the heck of it- our Potbellied pigs, Pickles and Perry, say hello to everyone! They say that PETA should be called immediately because obviously they're very thin and in need of more food. 









And our two calves, Jovi (the Jersey calf) and Beatrice (on the left. I actually dont know the breed even though I should? lol) say hello ^_^ Well, actually, I think Beatrice says 'talk to the butt' but Jovi is at least half way friendly! LOL


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## FaydesMom (Mar 25, 2012)

I'm so glad to hear Kenzie is continuing to improve in leaps and bounds. :clap:

Hey, I was surfing around Southern States website and found a program your farm may qualify for. I know I would be willing to clip and send my proof of purchase codes to you guys if you get an account. Check it out:

SHOW Program


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Alright, so I can't for the life of me remember. What is the optimal amount of Vitamin A for a yearling to get? Currently she is getting 13,000 IU with the UltraShine and Mare and Foal combined, plus whatever is in the limited grazing that she gets (24/7 grazing but we just dont have much grass, period). Too much? Too little?

Also, how much protein is she supposed to be getting? She's probably getting enough but I'm just not 100% sure. I'm also not sure how to calculate how much she's getting, since its in precentages on each bag. UltraShine has 19%, Alfalfa/timothy pellets are 12%, and Nutrena has 16%, plus, again, whatever is in her grazing and her hay.


Just for reference- the analysis of each of the things she's on.

UltraShine
Crude protein (min.) 19%, Argine (min.) 1.7%, Leucine (min.) 1.13%, Isoleucine (min.) 0.75%, Valine (min.) 0.89%, Lysine (min.) 0.78%, Phenylalanine (min.) 0.88%, Threonine (min.) 0.69%, Histidine (min.) 0.42%, Methionine (min.) 0.30%, Tryptophan (min.) 0.32%, Crude fat (min.) 31%, Crude fiber (max.) 9%, Calcium (min.) 0.6%, Calcium (max.) 0.9%, Phosphorus (min.) 0.6%, Magnesium (min.) 0.45%, Cobalt (min.) 0.5 ppm, Copper (min.) 110 ppm, Manganese (min.) 270 ppm, Selenium (min.) 1.8 ppm, Zinc (min.) 340 ppm, Vitamin A (min.) 8,000 IU/lb, Vitamin D (min.) 1,600 IU/kb, Vitamin E (min.) 230 IU/lb, Vitamin K (min.) 1.5 mg/lb, Thiamin (Vit B1) (min.) 7.5 mg/lb, Riboflavin (Vit B2) (min.) 4.7 mg/lb, Vitamin B3 (min.) 28 mg/lb, Biotin (min.) 0.55 mg/lb, Folic Acid (min.) 2.4 mg/lb, Pantothenic Acid (min.) 30 mg/lb, Vitamin B6 (min.) 2.5 mg/lb, Vitamin B12 (min.) 30 mcg/lb, Sugars (max.) 5%, Starch (max.) 3.8%, Omega-3 Fatty Acids (min.) 18.7%. Omega-6 Fatty Acids (min.) 5.3%. 
　
Alfalfa/timothy pellets:
Protein - Not Less Than 12%, Crude Fat - Not Less Than 1%, Crude Fiber - Not More Than 32%, Moisture - Not More Than 12%..
　
Nutrena mare and foal:
Crude Protein 16%, Crude Fat 6%, Calcium 0.85 to 1.25%, Lysine 0.85%, Phosphorus 0.7%, Threonine 0.5%, Methionine 0.35%, Crude Fiber max. 9%, Zinc 180 ppm, Copper 60 ppm, Selenium 0.5 ppm, Vitamin A 5,000 IU/lb., Vitamin D3 500 IU/lb., Vitamin E 80 IU/lb., Biotin .45 mg/lb.


Her daily feeding plan as of right now is:
3 lbs Purina Equine Junior (I still have most of a bag left of it, so I figured I'd use it up and use it to transition her slowly)
2 lbs Nutrena Mare and Foal
1/2 cup DuMor UltraShine
2 lbs 60% Afalfa 40% Timothy pellets, soaked
free grazing, cruddy grass
18 lbs Jiggs Costal Hay, 2nd cutting

Thats all in two seperate feedings divided up. Within the next two weeks she'll be on only Nutrena Mare and Foal, 3.5 lbs- and no Purina.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

And so we begin again...

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-health/just-doesnt-end-kenzie-has-been-165233/page2/


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

This post really has nothing to do with horses, but its my journal right?

I just got my first SAT score back. I am devestated. I've spent years and years trying to improve myself and get over that 'hump' that my disabilities throw at me (dyslexia and dyscaculia) but apparently its all to no avail. I want to study harder, do better...but the cold hard truth is that I just don't have time to study more than I do. I have other grades to keep up, and I can't even do that right. I'm practically failing Algebra II... I failed a quiz last week and I'm pretty sure I failed the test that I just took as well. I don't really understand my AP chemistry, and I don't even know why I decided to take AP. I have 3-4 papers due every single week. My mentality is suffering.

And now this _wonderful_ SAT score. I scored a 410 in math. I knew I'm not good at math but I tried HARD and thats the score I got? WAY below national average? I'm disgusted with myself. And I only scored a 6 on my essay, dispite using all of the tips and skills I've been taught. I did well on critical reading and ok on writing but...ugh. I had to completely reshape what I want to do as a career to tailor in the fact that I can't do math, and now it looks like I might not even have a high enough score to become my new 'goal' occupation. I am so bummed.

I really need a break. But with Junior year closing in on me, being yearbook president, trying to deal with Kenzie, family problems, and all of this other crud including suffering grades...I'm just not going to get one. Whats worse is that Sour is suffering too. I haven't exercised her at all in the past week when I used to drive her almost daily for an hour, or at least take her for a walk, and she's going stir crazy in her pen. She's a high energy animal and I can't even provide her with the chance to exercise. What kind of owner am I?


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

Please go easy on yourself. Your a junior in high school and working really hard to over come your problems. I should be the one disgusted with myself. I don't have any disabilities yet I don't put in half the effort you do and still end up not doing well. Ask a counselor to drop your AP class. You can still take the SAT's again. Also collages also lok at volunteer hours. You my friend have a lot of community service hours. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are an amazing person who tries so hard to do well. You work so hard for your animals. Its not easy doing the amount of work you are doing. Kenzie will hopefully be taken to a forever home soon. Then summer is coming where you can put more time into school(if you want to) to improve what you feel you messed up on. You are so strong. Please please don't be disgusted with yourself!


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## aerie (Jul 19, 2010)

Girl! There is no need to be so hard on yourself!  I second what horsecrazy says about how strong you are. SAT scores are nothing, really all they do is take your ability on one single day and give you an outcome. It is not a true evaluation of what you know or what you could know, it is just a snapshot of a few stressful hours of your life in learning. I work with children who have learning disabilities and they too are hard on themselves, but you have to remember to take things at your own pace. Have you asked for help from your teachers/counselors? I don't mean to pry but do you have any accomodations or modifications made for you? If not, you should! You are entitled to an education that works for you, not you struggling to learn despite your efforts  Dyslexia and discalcula are huge obstacles to overcome, but they do not define you. 

Besides, just like horsecrazy said you have TONS of community service that you can place on a college application! And I would bet that the people out at your barn would be more than willing to write you letter after letter of appreciation! Heck, if I could I would write you a letter of appreciation! You are a wonderful person and one test should not crush your dreams  And when it comes to Sour, yeah it sucks that you haven't had as much time to spend with her. But bad owner? Nope. I love horses, always have always will, but sometimes they have to be placed on the back burner (obviously not care and whatnot, like spending loads of time out at the barn) because life is crazy and will get in the way. So keep your chin up girl! Just a few more weeks of school and then you are homefree for the summer to figure out a good schedule for you, and maybe even start thinking about how you can organize your time for the future.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thank you both for your kind words. I know that the SAT isn't a real evaluation of what I'm capable of, but thats what makes it even more frustrating. I know that I can do better than I did! I'm a terrible test taker and the SAT is like the 'test of all tests' so that was nervewracking in itself, and then I was also not allowed to use my usual tools that help me (blue transparency sheet) which confused me.

I have no councelors that I can speak to unfortunately, because I am actually 'sort of' homeschooled. While I don't go to public school, I do attend a prep school three days a week, and I'm taking a few dual credit classes as well. So I do get outside teaching from certified teachers, but I don't have access to many things that public school teenagers have, such as free tutoring or councelling.


Aerie- I don't currently have any modifications. My parents had me diagnosed as being dyscaculic seven years ago, and I did get a few modifications from that, but you actually have to be re-diagnosed every five years (which I find to be idiotic. Disabilities do NOT dissapear, even if we do learn to 'overcome' them to some extent) in order to recieve extra time or other modifications on standardized tests. Unfortunately, the diagnosis can only be done about 6 hours from where I live and I would have to make multiple trips there. It also costs a good $600, which my parents are unwilling to spend. Their philosophy is, if you aren't failing- you don't need extra help. So I'm sort of stuck where I am in terms of help xD


Either way, even if I hate it and think its unfair, I am going to have to figure out a way to do better on the SAT. I want to become an occupational therapist, which requires me to go to U of H or Baylor, both of which are prestigeous (sp?) universities in my area. They require a 1700 or higher on the SAT, no exceptions. To them, my 600+ hours of community service are just extras.


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## aerie (Jul 19, 2010)

Grrrrrrr.... I have been going to school to be a Special Education Teacher for three years now (changing to just an English maajor because I found out I can get a certification for therapeutic riding without the special ed degree and have already found a reputable barn willing to hire me!) and it's silly rules like that that really make me angry! Everyone has a right to learn in a manner that set them up for success, not makes it hard! Gahhh sorry minor rant  But I feel ya on the test taking... I always get so nervous and do badly because I start to rush and stressed that I do poorly :/

But hey! You have the chance to re-take it, and since you already know what it is like it should be easier  I did miserably the first time I took the ACT and got a 26 the second time around! Not exactly Harvard standards, but good enough to get me into a university  You can do it girl! For real though, the second time around will be easier. I know there are study materials out there... I just have to remember where you can get them.... *toddles off to do some research*


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

I am also a terrible test taker. I get sooo nervous I forget everything. Test don't mean a thing. One paper shouldn't decide if you know it or not. Your homework and other stuff should. I hate how tests decide wether your going to pass or fail.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I do too. Over the years I've gotten MUCH better at taking tests (I used to have mental breakdowns and cry almost every test, which was insanely embarressing and kept me from finishing in the time limit) but I'm still not very good at it. Ask me to explain something to you any day, but put me in front of people or sitting with a test and a time limit and I'm a wreck.

On the horsey side of things, for anyone who might be following this thread and not my other thread, Kenzie has officially secured herself a forever home with FaydesMom in Kentucky!!! She will be leaving in a few weeks, after all of her health certificates and such are in order and she's been given the clear to travel. Fayde and I plan to let everyone 'journey' with us to see how she's doing, and will be providing lots of updates, so be watching!


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## FaydesMom (Mar 25, 2012)

Grrrr...I always forget to look in the Journals, I had almost forgotten this thread. I wish they were higher up on the page, by the time I get scrolled all the way to the bottom, I've been distracted by 10 other threads I want to look at. :-(


Hey, have you been looking at colleges yet? I know of a full scholarship, in-residence, 4 year college that might be right up your alley. 

It is a "full ride", work at the school and in the community as payment, type college. They base their application on income, past life history (not PASTLIFE, just plain, lifetime!! ), community activism, "hardships" you have endured, etc. And it is open to everybody from everywhere. We have a friend in Michigan whose daughter is going there.

If you are interested, check out Home Page - Berea College

It's here in Kentucky and only a few hours away, so you could come visit Kenzie on the weekends!:lol: Hey, maybe even bring Sour up and she can stay with us!! :rofl:


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I'll have to look into that, it sounds awesome!  I'll have to look at what kinds of classes they offer, but it definitely does sound like something I'd be interested in...especially since its in Kentucky where you and Kenzie will be! Thanks so much for that link!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

*sigh* I am so stressed right now. Redox reactions in chemistry are aweful and I don't understand them one bit!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Endiku said:


> *sigh* I am so stressed right now. Redox reactions in chemistry are aweful and I don't understand them one bit!


What has you confused specifically?


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## oobiedoo (Apr 28, 2012)

Great! I knew we had to have some chemistry help on this form. It's wonderful the way everybody helps everbody on here with everything not just horses. 
So glad you offered Sky, I did think of it just before I saw your reply. My degree is in Chemical Technology and I made all A's in chemistry and physics, unfortunately, it's been over 20 yrs now so .... I'm a maybe help by now. But always willing to try, and I give credit for my chem grades to one of the best chemistry teachers ever. It's amazing what a good teacher can do.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Well I have a list of steps for each redox reaction that I'm supposed to follow here: This is for half-step reactions.

1. First assign oxidation numbers.
2. See what was Oxidized (lost electrons) and write the 1/2 reaction.
3. See what was Reduced (gained electrons) and write that 1/2 reaction.
4. Balance atoms (if you have Oxygens on one side you can put water on the other to balance O.
If you have Hydrogens, you can balance that with Hydrogen ions (H+).
5. Balance the charges on both side of each equation (they do not have to equal "0" but they have to be equal on each side of the equation You do this by adding electrons that are negative in charge.
6. If there are fewer electrons either being lost or gains, multiply the entire equation so # of electrons equal each other in each equation.
7. Add equations together, cancelling anything that is on both sides of the equations. 

I get that, theoretically, but when I go to USE it, the numbers start going crazy and I can't figure out what I'm doing. I can easily do the problems like A + B --> A + B of course, but the others are just plain confusing.

For example, problem number 4. NH3 + O2 --> NO + H2O. This one isnt even all that complicated and the others are way worse, just to give you an idea. I know that the ox numbers, I think its... 

N^+3 H^-1 + O^0 --> N^+2O^-2 + H^+1O^-2

so after that I'm supposed to find each half step, reduction and oxidation. I'm confused as to whether I'm supposed to use the whole molecule, or 'weed out' spectator ions. 

Oxidized: N^+3 H^-1 --> H^+1O^-2 

Reduced: O^0 --> N^+2O^-2

But then I have an N in the products of the reduction which I can't balance out, and thats where I stopped. :/


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## FaydesMom (Mar 25, 2012)

:shock::shock:

Goodness, my brain melted just following the instructions...I didn't even get to the equation. I wish I could help, but all I can do with that is make alphabet soup. :lol:

We will soon give your poor brain a little bit of a break, at least a little less to worry so much about.

:hug:


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

Endiku please keep chem of the forum. You are going to give me a heart attack. I have a whole semesters worth of math to do so please don't scare me.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Aghhh, I went to my teacher today for some help and as it turns out, all I was missing was the fact that H is an _ion_ not just an element, so its charge is +1, not 0! BIG different! LOL


Fayde- mine too! lol. It really isn't all that hard though, once you get into the groove of it. I just wish I would have realized that H was positive YESTERDAY when things were due, not today! *grumbles* Oh well, at least I got it in the end. The lovely teacher made my 'pay' for not understanding by having me work a ton of problems on the board in front of everyone. Not nice.

HorseCrazyGirl- This is the part where I laugh manaically and say 'Welcome to _my_ piece of the horse forum' right?  My entire life right now is literally wake up, do school, go see Kenzie and Sour, homework, sleep. Wake up, do school, go see Kenzie... OVERANDOVER, so thats pretty much what you're going to hear about! xD I do school for 9-11 hours a day depending on my homework load. I hate being a junior 

What kind of math are you doing right now? I'm currently working on 'Discreet math' in Algebra 2. Its aweful. Honestly, when math starts coming up with things like synthetic division, numbers with exclamation points, imaginary numbers, logrithms, and 'discreet' numbers, you start to wonder if they're just trying to torture you. I mean really. If numbers are infinite, HOW the heck do you have an imaginary number?! xD


If its any consolation though, I'm in AP Chem that is preparing me for the AP college level test in hopes of being able to test out of the class. I don't think you typically learn about this stuff so in depth. You should see the new stuff we started today though! Naming organic hydrocarbons...what fun.


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## Kotori (Jun 18, 2012)

Wow. I'm a junior too and I can't hardly understand what you wrote! I'm a good student, but I have a teacher purposefully failing me for trying (okay, not failing anymore....getting a whopping 70 in there now...)

One of my friends has ADHD, and I help him study...and by that, I mean read the paper to him. he is so smart, but he's dyslexic just enough to bother him, but not enough to get breaks for it. If you need any help with anything, feel free to message me. 

I went to Ohio State university, and they said volunteer and extra curriculars that show dedication are more important than SAt/ACT scores. If you do well in school but your SAT/ACT isn't amazing, they usually overlook it for exactly the reasons people have mentioned.

I think its amazing what you have been doing with the horses. Whenever I have issues with the green pony I ride, I think of people like you that had to completely retrain horses, and I suck it up.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Haha, I take some pretty challenging courses. It bugs the snot out of me sometimes, but when it gets down to it, I really do enjoy expanding my knowledge, and there is NOTHING better than finally understanding something after hours of frustration!

I am glad that, at least, I do not have attention problems. Well, unless it comes to whether I should do homework or talk on HF or something  Being dyslexic, dyscaculic _and_ ADD would just send me over the edge!

I'm not so sure that I'm retraining Kenzie though xD I feel almost guilty for hanging around her too much because I'm afraid I'll encourage or teach a new bad habit. I'm definitely not ready to take on a yearling like her indefinitely, and I'm so relieved to know that she has a good place to go where she won't be ruined by someone with little yearling (or abused/neglected horse, for that matter) experience!

All of this stuff with Kenzie has really left me scratching my head on how the heck I didn't get both Sour and I killed...I started working with her when she was even younger than Kenzie. I guess she's a better horse than I thought! LOL So glad she's 220 lbs, and not 1,000 though...


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

I'ma freshmen but I homeschool. So basically I have to teach myself math. I never liked math anyway. I am doing geometry. I mean bio and english isn't bad or hard for me. I teach myself that too but I don't know what the deal with math is. They guy who invented math should be glad he isn't around any more. Otherwise I would have had a murder on my hands. But then again, I am the crazy girl who does two schools at once. Learning a whole other language is not easy. I started to hate math about the time it turned in to a english lesson!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Heeey, a kindred spirit! ;D I'm kidding. I'm homeschooled too, though  I use Bob Jones University curriculum as well as college substitutes, hence the AP classes xD I'm what my friends call a 'half time homeschooler' though, because I take PREP classes so that I have a teacher for my math and chemistry. With the problems I have, it just doesn't work for me to teach myself that kind of stuff.

Are you using seperate curriculums or do you do your homeschooling with public school material? If you use your own curriculums, try Teaching Textbooks. A guy explains all of the stuff to you really well and makes things simple to understand, and its all online with a paper suppliment. I used it for Algebra 1 and understood it pretty well. I probably would have understood it even better if I hadn't skipped pre-algebra because I was behind xD I really wish I'd used it for Geometry too. I absolutely hated geometry, especially when it came to proofs!


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

Homeschooling using their curriculum. I want to be a part time homeschooler but then there is the whole other school thing which is why I am homeschooling in the first place. I also have this problem of not being able to watch videos and then learn from them. I'm not sure I am making sense here, basically those videos they give you to explain a problem. I never make it to then end. So I did find a website that has videos that I can watch without taking a whole 20 minutes to explain it to me. Oi I barely remember anything from the first semester.



Endiku said:


> Heeey, a kindred spirit! ;D I'm kidding. I'm homeschooled too, though  I use Bob Jones University curriculum as well as college substitutes, hence the AP classes xD I'm what my friends call a 'half time homeschooler' though, because I take PREP classes so that I have a teacher for my math and chemistry. With the problems I have, it just doesn't work for me to teach myself that kind of stuff.
> 
> Are you using seperate curriculums or do you do your homeschooling with public school material? If you use your own curriculums, try Teaching Textbooks. A guy explains all of the stuff to you really well and makes things simple to understand, and its all online with a paper suppliment. I used it for Algebra 1 and understood it pretty well. I probably would have understood it even better if I hadn't skipped pre-algebra because I was behind xD I really wish I'd used it for Geometry too. I absolutely hated geometry, especially when it came to proofs!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Endiku said:


> Well I have a list of steps for each redox reaction that I'm supposed to follow here: This is for half-step reactions.
> 
> 1. First assign oxidation numbers.
> 2. See what was Oxidized (lost electrons) and write the 1/2 reaction.
> ...


This link may help Oxidation Reduction Reactions - Redox Reactions - Chemistry Help | WyzAnt Tutoring

I know how to balance equations by heart however I am very rusty on oxidation half reactions and reduction half reactions.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks Sky! I've been using ChemTutor too, and it helped some. As it turns out, I was just missing one tiny little thing that way throwing my entire equation off. oops!

HorseCrazy- Ah, ok. I'm not really sure how to help you then, since I've never used public school curriculums. Too bad you can't choose your curriculums...its the only thing that saves me! I have...interesting...ways of learning, and don't learn well with _just_ text or _just_ videos. I have to have someone that I can ask questions to, and who can ask me questions. I learn best when I'm given the basics of how to do something, then asked to actually 'teach' it back to someone. I'm an audial verbial learner, so while it doesn't work well for me to only hear something, often times when I read it out loud or explain it in 'laymans terms' as if I were teaching a child, it helps me understand things way better!


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

^^Thats me. I can't just do it one way. The school uses another homeschooler school's(that probably made no sense) curriculum.


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## equiniphile (Aug 16, 2009)

Endiku, the chemistry will come with practice. I'm a sophomore in AP Chem and it took me forever to feel comfortable balancing equations, identifying precipitates in reactions, converting from grams to moles to atoms, calculating freezing and boiling point depressions/elevations when substances are combined, etc. it just takes a LOT of practice. It's one thing to mentally read the steps, but using them takes time. 

You'll get it, I promise!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Been there, done those. I'm mostly comfortable with all of that, but I can't imagine having done it last year as a sophmore! Wow. Things have just been put into perspective! lol

For the most part, I really do understand my chemistry, with the exception of having some serious issues with creating an entire neuralization reaction with salts in the product from just two little hints. Thats just plain hard ._.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Double post, but I can do that since its my journal right? ;D I forgot some stuff for today's 'entry'!

First off, on a nonhorsey topic, I schedualled my Drivers Test for June 3rds (closest available date >.> dumb huge city!) to finally get my license. I really dislike driving, but once I get my license I'll be more likely to be hired for a job, and it will be easier for me to go out to the farm daily, so fingers crossed that I passed! I have trouble with spatial distances because of my dyscaculia so I've found driving to be very challenging, but I THINK I'm ready!

Then, back to horses. Kenzie is such a goof. I made the mistake of leaving a halter, lead rope, and Sour's polos on her stall door to let them dry while I was working with Sour, and I heard a lot of snorting and hooves while I was de-hairing Sour. I tied her up, went over to see what the commotion was, and found Kenzie standing with all four legs braced out, tail screwed up, and a polo over her face. She had the most terrified look! LOL. I had to go 'rescue' her from the polo and by then she had decided that said pink polo wrap tried to kill her, and I spent another fifteen minutes following her around with it before she'd even sniff it, much less let me touch her with her. That girl!

I didn't really have time since I have a big research paper due in two days, but I took a little pleasure drive with Sour today too. It was dark by the time we got in, and we only got to drive for about 20 minutes...hardly worth it since it takes me 30-40 minutes to tack and hook her up by myself, but thats ok. I was pretty proud of her because she hasn't been driven in almost two weeks, with the exception of some ground driving, and she's typically very fresh when I haven't worked with her much, but she held perfectly still while I hooked her up and walked off like a champ, no funny business at all. Not bad for a green broke four year old who hasn't been getting much attention lately! I think she knew that I just really needed some fun time where I could enjoy my well-mannered horse instead of spooking, running away, and other normal stresses that come with young horses. What a good girl <3


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

So BO's birthday is this week, and I made her a mosaic stepping stone and a poem. No pictures of the mosaic yet, but what do you think of the poem? Too cheesy?


Honking donkey, squawking bird
Every animal sound is heard.
Fuzzy pony, crazy stud.
Everyone slips and slides in mud.
Cupid shuffle, cha cha slide, 
Some poor child on a bronco ride.
Stubborn horse, fainting goat
Using horse blankets as a coat.
Bobcats, coyotes, man sized snakes
Someone, quick, hand me a rake!
Breaks, sprains and cuts on the mend.
We’re the hospitals best-est friend!
But when it’s said and when it’s done,
No doubt in our minds, we all had fun.
Director, counselor, mother, wife
This ______(farm name) madness is ______(BO's name)’s life!


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## EmilyJoy (Dec 30, 2011)

THAT is awesome!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

That is an awesome poem haha


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## aerie (Jul 19, 2010)

It's cute! I know I would be tickled if someone wrote that for me! lol


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks xD the odd grammar was on purpose, since it was supposed to be a fun poem rather than a work of art. It definitely describes the farm, if nothing else! LOL I'm going to give it to her tomorrow.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Here is the mosaic stepping stone that I made her  I gave both of them two her today.

Don't ask me what it is, because I really don't know xD its my first mosaic and first time grouting (sp?) and I cut all of the pieces from broken plates, so it didn't turn out to well. It was originally supposed to be an ocean, then a beach...but it doesn't look like either one so I decided to name it 'Picassette'...LOL


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

It's gorgeous!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Life is rather cruel to me. That is all...


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Endiku said:


> Life is rather cruel to me. That is all...


What happened? Are you okay?


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

Endiku said:


> Life is rather cruel to me. That is all...


Endiku what's wrong?


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Oh, just various stresses all combining and blowing up in my face today... all at once isn't a very fun way to deal with them!

I happen to have a HUGE flaw in that I don't tend to voice how I'm feeling to other people easily, so I end up just sort of holding it all in until days like today when I feel like I'm going to explode. I know, its terrible...and I really am working on it slowly, but its hard for some reason!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Find a person or two to confide in... that you wouldn't feel crappy after sharing with, or they won't judge you, or they are experiencing something similar. 

I'm always willing to listen if you need to just vent.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Yeah. I just feel so aweful about venting or complaining to anyone, because honestly most of my friends are having just about as many problems as I am or worse. It seems distasteful to start telling them my problems when I'm usually they one _they_ can rely on to listen and not judge them. It seems silly but my biggest fear is making people angry, or being a burden. I really am messed up xD


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

I'm not sure what's causing you grief, but everyone has their own cross to bear....we know that....such is life.

It's the bad times that makes us appreciate the good times, the bitter that makes the sweet taste so good, the yen and the yang, good, versus evil. You can't have one without the other.

So what do you do about those bad days? Well, I pray and that always helps, but try to focus on the things you enjoy and put aside those things that are causing your despair. There's things you can change and things you can't. Change what you can and don't worry about the things you have no control over as you can't change them no matter what you do.

The thing you can change the easiest is you.

Like Margret Mitchell wrote in the last line of her famous novel "Gone With The Wind", one has to realize that in fact, "Tomorrow is another day" and know that it's up to you to decide whether or not to make it a good day or a bad day.

Worry will make you an old woman fast.


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## horsecrazygirl (Apr 23, 2012)

Endiku we are similar in a lot of ways. I do that too. Its a bad habit because when I do explode, its everything that I should have been letting out bit by bit. I'm always here if you do need to vent.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

You're definitely right about that Gunslinger... worry does make you old fast. I feel like I've aged _so_ much in the past few months!

The only thing is that I really can't find anything in my life right now that I can just let go of or not worry about. I've sort of become the glue that holds a lot of things together over the years and if I just quit because things have gotten tough, it will unravel and there will be no one to blame to myself. Its that way in mutiple things, namely where I volunteer and in my youth group. 

I've just taken on too much, I think. I'm taking 8 1/2 credits this year, two of those credits being AP and one being dual credit- and I was elected the president of our yearbook. I'm trying to care for Sour and Kenzie while also managing our therapy program, dealing with some very difficult people, and trying to preserve my sanity. I'm trying to find a job so that I'll be able to afford college, and raising my little brother. And then I'm being pressured to take on even more things, and its hard for me to say no which sounds ridiculous, but its true! Normally I can handle things like this well enough, but theres just some days...or weeks, when it all seems to sort of reach its peak and try smothering me. My classes are getting harder and harder (organic chemistry especially...ICK) and my health has deteriorated a lot lately too with all of my GI and migraine problems, so I'm just not feeling 100% either. Its definitely stolen my joy away from me if nothing else. I've just completely exhausted myself...and its my fault for taking it all on in the first place! xD

And I know so many people have it much worse than I do, and I really should be grateful, which makes me feel horrible for feeling horrible if that makes sense! lol


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Endiku,

Is there a way for you to give up some of these extra duties like president of yearbook? Honestly for the job market today that wouldn't really add to your resume and just makes things more hectic for you..


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I could except for the fact that our deadline is May 22nd and no one else is motivated. It is my name that is on our binding contract that states that if we do not meet the deadline we will be charged a $100 late fee as well :/ yet another crazy situation I've gotten myself into.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Well if you need any assistance, let us know!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks. I'm sure things will settle down once yearbook is finished in a month, and finals are over. Until then I'll just have to reap what I sowed, sort of speak. I took on too much and now I have to deal with the consquences.

I did tell my youth pastor that I need to step down from my leadership position for a little while which might help, and next year I'm determined not to take on too much. Thankfully since I've taken so many classes Junior year, my senior year should only include my core classes. I don't need any more electives or gov/econ or anything, so I should be able to focus on preparing for college. Or at least...that was the goal of me taking on this much this year! xD we'll see if it works...


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I took your guy's advice about finding a person to talk to, and met with her (she's an adult, but not so much older than me that she can't...understand, if that makes sense xD) and it really did help, I think.

I feel SO bad though! With all of the things that have been happening with Kenzie, school, and family drama, I completely forgot the fact that Sour's birthday was yesterday. Not that she's going to care one way or another, but I felt aweful about it xD I was hoping to give her a bath and try those diamond braids for some pictures. Ofcourse, that probably wouldn't have worked out too well considering that its a mud pit here. But anyways...

HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY SOUR!​


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## cpr saves (Dec 5, 2012)

All I can say, Endiku, is WOW!! I just found this journal, but have been following Kenzi's trials and tribulations. My initial reaction is wishing I could reach out and give you the biggest, longest hug!!! You are simply amazing.

You are so incredibly generous trying to do so many good things for other people. But as you have found, it is so easy to become overburdened with obligations. At some point, no matter how good your intentions, you just can't do it all. There are only so many hours in the day.

The stress is definitely taking its toll on your young, now fragile body and doing a number on your mental health as well. I am so glad you have found someone who you can vent with. We all need that on a regular basis! I'm also relieved to see that you have found a way to decrease a little bit of your obligations. I am sure that once people realize how much you have taken on, they will be nothing short of 100% amazed and understanding your need to cut back.

That chemistry assignment boggles my mind! Looks very much like college level to be sure. I commend you for taking on such a difficult subject, especially taking into consideration the added challenges you face in trying to learn it. I hope there is some way you can access some free tutoring services, especially for the math. Between math and chemistry, I would be freaking out!

As for the Occupational Therapy, it's a wonderful profession! Are there any technical schools close to you? Sometimes they have great OT programs. I hope you get that full-ride scholarship in KY. That would be awesome.

Please continue to do only what you can handle. Many of us have that "Can't Say No" disease so don't feel guilty one bit when you have to say NO to someone no matter how good a cause it might be. Hang in there, girl. You're doing AWESOME!!! Try not to get too discouraged and by all means, do NOT come down on yourself. It certainly is not warranted and it will only make you feel worse.

Just say to yourself - or better yet, out loud, "I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!!!!! As a woman, you need to be your own best friend and advocate. 

Hold your Head UP HIGH and exude confidence even if you don't feel it inside. If you THINK it, it will happen. Truly, it will.

Have a GREAT DAY today and keep up the good work. I'm sending all positive thoughts your way! Also, please feel free to PM me any time you want to vent. My shoulder is always "open".


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Aww, you're amazing Cpr Saves, and I'm glad to hear that you've been following Kenzie's journey! My biggest stress right now is her, especially considering the added complications that we've been facing with trying to rehome her and being delayed, but I'm hoping and praying that we'll have a good answer soon. Once I know she's going to be safe, I think I'll feel much more relieved. 

There actually are quite a few options for me when it comes time for me to go to college, for my graduates degree. Texas Tech is one good option, as well as Baylor (too expensive for me xD), UT, and U of H, so I'm hoping between all of those and applying for Berea, I can find a good solution. 

Other than that, finals are coming up so I'm studying my brains out...I did very poorly (D+...I felt aweful!) on my last test in Discreet mathematics so I'm pretty worried...thats the worst test grade I've gotten this year, and so close to finals! I'm hoping that my studying will pay off though.

Also, I'm participating in a church talent show tonight, playing the guitar and sincing 'The River' by Garth Brooks, so I've been pretty nervous about that. Its for a great cause though, so i'm glad to be in it. We're paying for a korean youth group to go to camp for the first time with what we earn from the talent show/dinner. This will be my first time singing in front of an audience though. Yikes!


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## cpr saves (Dec 5, 2012)

I have an idea for your performance tonight. Pretend you are singing to Kenzie out in the pasture on a beautiful day with a light breeze. Just you, her and the great outdoors.

Don't forget to breathe! Wish i could watch. I know you'll be Great!

Just have fun!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I had a blast! I stayed busy until the moment before so I wouldn't be too nervous, and it was really fun. I did mess up once or twice but nothing too drastic.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

eep...first final of the semester is tomorrow, and its the one I'm dreading the most. Algebra II! *dundundun*


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## aerie (Jul 19, 2010)

You got this girl!!!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Kick its butt!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Bleh. I don't know how I'm going to pass that final. We only had 70 minutes and it was 60 problems long with tons of graphing and number crunching, and I take longer than most people, so I didn't even get to finish the problems, much less check my answers >.>


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Oi...its always something.

I turned Sour out this afternoon with one of her friends to play in the big paddock, and I guess she got a little to rambunctious and tripped or something. I was literally out of sight for fifteen minutes while I caught Kenzie to brush her down and check her ear, and when I came back Sour was limping around, looking sorry for herself. I went and caught her to see what the damage was, and it appears that she somehow messed up her fetlock. She's bearing weight on it and isn't three legged lame or anything, thankfully, but its a bit swollen and warm. I hosed it down and soaked it in epsom salt, and I'm debating whether I should try to call the vet out tonight or in the morning. I'm leaning towards tonight just to be safe, and I'm going to stall her for the night. Hopefully it isn't anything too serious...or costly :/


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Endiku try not to be so negative. Negativity attracts more bad happenings. Worry attracts accidents. Being as positive as you can is going to help you in the long run.

Sour will be okay. It will cost whatever it costs to help get her healthy again. 

It'll be alright


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

You caught me...I've been the queen of negativity lately. heh...

I guess I'm just sort of in one of those ruts right now. Nothing is working out like it should and I'm just plain exhausted xD you're right though. I ought to be glad for what good things are happening, and not always focus on the bad.

I called the vet but he won't come unless she isn't looking better tomrrow, so I hosed her leg again and have her half of a bute. I didn't want to wrap it or anything since I don't know what we're dealing with yet, so I just bedded her down in some deep straw.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Haven't updated in a while but first things first....

:happydance: :happydance: :happydance::happydance:​ 
*Today was my last day of school!!!!*​
I still have a summer filled with scholarship applications, grant applications, ACT and SAT studying, and preparing to take a COMPASS (dual credit college entrance exam, must be taken yearly) test again.


Unfortunately I have terrible news in that I was correct about my Algebra II exam.... I got a 67% on it :/ I'm beyond dissapointed in myself, as it counted as 20% of our semester grade, but whats done is done. I am frustrated because I KNOW that with more time I could have finished the test, checked my answers, and done 2x better, but I can't change that now. At my school you must be referred to take any class above Algebra II (such as pre-algebra) and because my over all grade for the year was a low B (82) I was not referred, so I am not eligible for pre calculus. Even I was though, I dont think I would have taken it. I can't risk bringing my GPA even lower and dont feel like I could keep up. Therefore I'm considering the idea of taking Dual Credit College Algebra. How hard is college algebra? This is what my teacher recommended, and it would be nearly free, so I'm very much liking the idea as of right now. I would have to place into the class, but if I did that I would be able to start with pre cal or trig my first year of college....very optimal. I'm nervous about just how hard it might be though, to take a class in my wost subject, dual credit :/ what do you guys think?

OTHER than that nasty grade though, I finished all of my classes with all A's!  I even got a 98 in my compositions class, and special recognition. I'm so excited because I very much enjoy writing, dispite my problems, and I am glad that I was able to do so well in that class. My teacher was phenomial. She also recommended me to a few writing scholarships to look into!!!

More bad news though, a few days ago Sour tripped or something in her paddock when she was feeling a little too frisky, and was lame. I called the vet and thankfully its just a sprain, but she's on stall rest for two weeks and limited turn out for two more just to be safe, and no driving for 5 weeks so that she doesn't re-injure herself. She does NOT like being cooped up but is already improving and making a pain out of herself, dumping things in her stall and just in general being a butt xD thats my Sour! LOL​


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Just realized I had already updated about Sour hurting herself. lol, whoops...I guess I was so tired that I didnt notice xD


Today stunk. I ate something at lunch that decided it hated me and I ended up throwing up at the farm, probably from a mix of the lunch and heat exhaustion (it was 95 today and no breeze ._.), and I kept pushing myself because I was the only volunteer this week and we had 12 therapy rides booked, each 30 minutes long. No break. Very stupid on my part, and I felt aweful. I hate summer heat xD

I'm ok now though, just tired  and I still managed to be very cruel to Cowboy by deciding to play dress up with him to make the therapy kids laugh. What do you guys think? LOL. He wasn't pleased at all.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Congrats on nearly all A's!

And Cowboy looks amazing in his get up 

I hope you feel better soon!!


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## michaelvanessa (Apr 25, 2012)

*horse gernal*

endiku you have done an awesome job with kenzie and your little mare.
you have done them both proud and reading some of your strings thay are fantastic.
keep up all the good work your doing and theres no giveing up from your posts and how your bringing up your horses is awesome.
many thanks for shareing your gernal.
all the best michael.


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## michaelvanessa (Apr 25, 2012)

*grades.*

theres no giveing in theres no giveing up.
well done on your awesome grades and you have grad as thats awesome.
well if you go to collage you will do well and dont knock your self back ok.
all so if your out in the heat take a break once in a while and drink some water.
i lol when i saw your reply about quincy and his clean air act.
good job you never spilt some soda on the key board well i did the same i had a mouth full of coca cola when i saw your reply.
i still cant stop laughing.
and you and your horses have a great day ok.
michael.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks Michael! I'm glad to have my junior year over with. Now it time for a quick breath before I dive back into school for my last year of highschool! haha. I'll be taking a total of 12 hours worth of dual credit (302, and british lit English, as well as college algebra if I test high enough) work next year, as well as Physics and American History, but that's about it so hopefully I'll have a less stressful year. I took 8 1/2 credits last year plus Yearbook Committee, all in hopes of a better year this year. Heres to hoping! xD

I got my 'official' grades back for Chemistry and Algebra II finally... I didn't do so hot in Algebra that last quarter and I finished the year with an 84.9% (seriously? so close to 85...). Honors Chemistry I finished with an 86.5%. Not the best, but hey, I tried!

That was hilarious Michael xD thankfully most of our horses aren't too toxic, but our Arabian lesson mare takes pride in her ability to fart with nearly every canter stride that you force her to take, and grosses all of the little kids out. Sour isn't too bad, but she always lets one loose when I lift her tail to put the crupper under it so I know to stand to the side. LOL.

Quick update on Sour, she's totally sound again, no pain or puffiness. I let her back into the field last week and she's doing just fine. I'm hoping to start ground driving again, then put her back under cart in a week or two for some leisure driving.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Since I haven't uploaded any photos of poor Sour in FOREVER, here are a few quick ones. I just did a little refresher ground work and lunging at a walk, clipped her bridle path again, pulled burrs out of her hair, then waited for the farrier to come out today, nothing strenuous since 1) she's coming off of a fairly long break and 2) The wheel on the easy entry cart popped, so I need to scrape up some money to get another one >.>

I think she's looking pretty good for having had so much time off those. Practically no muscle, but she's at a better weight than she was. I started adding a little of that ultra shine to her feed too and its working great.

Little buggar was trying to sneakily steal my lemon lime Gatorade. She LOVES yellow Gatorade, which is funny since her name is Sour...hehe










Now that she's five I think its pretty much safe to say that she is what she is, her conformation isn't going to change. Her back is so straight and her croup is so steep with a tiny hip, but I guess I can't complain too much xD she isn't exactly of stellar breeding and she's good enough to be my pleasure cart horse!


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I pretty much forgot about this thread, but I was just about to start blowing off steam in a new thread and I remembered this old thing. I guess I might as well post it here, considering that this post is going to be for no reason other than just getting it all out. Doesn't really matter if anyone sees it or not, I just have so much on my mind. 

My family is driving me crazy. Not in a "I'm leaving home because they're just so _stupid" _typical teenager way, but in a "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now" way. 

I guess in some ways I can't blame them, and maybe I'm blowing everything out of proportion, but its still bothering me. I seriously don't know what I'm getting at here, but I guess I'm just saying that I'm trying desperately to _understand_ them but I just can't. And I almost feel like I might as well stop trying.

My sister is the biggest thing eating at me right now. She's 15...a little more than 2 1/2 years younger than me, and she's the middle sibling between myself (18 in December) and my little brother (11 next month)...and I understand that being the middle child is tough. I do. Or at least...I really, really try to. I know a lot of middle children feel left out or forgotten because the parents pay more attention to the others, and she apparently feels the same way, but she ISN'T forgotten. If anything, she gets more attention than either of us other two...and she gets a heck of a lot more than I do.

She's a little bit on the slower side when it comes to school (she was held back a grade and struggles in all subjects) much like me, and she does have mild ADD, but is the opposite of me when it comes to ...coping I guess?. I'm dyslexic/dyscalculate as most of you know, but I've never felt like those lables defined me, you know? They were and are just little humps in the road that can be overcome. With her though, they consume her. Its almost like she WANTS them to define her, to give her an excuse to do poorly. Every one has always tried to build her up and make her realize that labels mean nothing, but she insists that she's stupid and should never even try because she's ADD/bad at everything. And she just doesn't try.

This past year, she's made a drastic personality change. A few years ago she was bullied a little (calling her names, ditching her, etc) by some girls in our area, and I guess she took it to heart and never let it go. She just let it build up and build up and build up until it consumed her and she became a very bitter person. Now she, according to her, trusts no one, thinks everyone hates her, and thinks her life is worthless. This bullying was years ago and my family dealt with it and we make sure people don't do wrong by her because she IS vulnerable...its just how she is. But she just won't let it go. And its almost like she takes little scenarios and creates them to be these horrific incidences that will scar her for life, and she BELIEVES them. For example, (and this is an event I witnessed, so I know what actually happened), a friend of ours was in a private conversation with another person and she was listening in...they were talking about how he liked a 'certain girl' and the person asked who. He replied he didn't want to say with other people (my sister presumably) listening because he didn't trust rumors not to start, and my sister just...unraveled. Started screaming and yelling at him about how she couldn't believe he didn't trust her, how she hated him, how he was being unfair and she'd never talk to him again... and hasn't spoken to him since. He tried apologizing to her (he really is a sweet guy, but rumors HAVE been started about him before so I cant really blame him for being protective) and she wouldn't even acknowledge him, and its really upsetting him. Yet later she came to me looking for sympathy and saying how she couldn't believe he wasn't sorry, and how she hated guys like him.

I see things the way they are. I realized she was just as much in the wrong as him. I was kind about it, but I reminded her that he DID try to say sorry, and that she ought to forgive him for both of their peace of mind. I told her guys make mistakes, but so do we, and that its just not worth it to hold grudges. And she seemed receptive, but the next day she told at least 5 close friends of his and hers what a jerk he is, and basically trashed his reputation. THAT I called her out on, because that is just cruel. Its the same thing that she didn't want done to her...so why should she do it? And her reply was that she hates me, doesn't see why I always have to make things her fault, and never wants my advice again. Then she started bawling and my parents stepped in and told me I need to shape up and be the big sister she needs.

And this is repeated. Over, and over, and over. Its always the same. She gets herself into a situation that I could have perceived before it even happened, she comes asking me for advice, then she blows up at me, tells me she hates me and I just 'Don't get it' (when in reality I DO, I dealt with the same things...bullying and feeling worthless anyways... as she does at her age), then trash talks me to her friends. 

Then she makes up scenarios that didn't happened. I overheard her telling her guy friend just last night that she just can't stand me, wishes she would die, and that I'm always asking her "(insert name) why are you always so DUMB/BROKEN? Why do you have to be like this?" But I swear to you all...and if you know me at all even on here, you should realize...I would _never_ say something like that. I desperately want to help her, but she won't let me.

And lately she has started doing drastic things like trying to cut herself. It all boils down to the fact that she is an attention hog (and I don't mean that as a way of bad mouthing her...she's just...a needy type, I guess) and always feels like she needs to be the center of attention. My mom got her a therapist and spends more time accommodating her and 'loving on her' than she ever did with me, yet she insists on more. Insists she gets nothing. Insists her life is hell. Insists that I don't love her, and that they love me more.

I don't know if this is because of my health problems? My health and doctors bills have caused financial stress for our family, so I try to be tough and ignore many of them...and I work as much as I can to help with bills, but I know she wants braces (she has buck teeth like I did) and because of me she hasn't gotten them yet. Maybe she feels like if there is something wrong with her my parents will do something? But I don't know what she expects them to do. My mom is already doing a lot for her. I'm trying to help her. She just doesn't want that BRAND of help I guess. Its gotten to where she makes up scenarios to our friends...sob stories about her own health and how she wants to kill herself, and how she has flash backs of this and that...then tells them we just don't understand. She outright blamed my mom for absolutely everything in her life even though my mom tries SO HARD for her, and made her cry yesterday. She calls friends and says we're abusing her. Then friends come to us and demand to know why we don't care about her, why we don't realize she's hurting.... and its just so..._frustrating._

Then there is my little brother. He is...well, a brat. And he infuriates me. He feels entitled to everything because he has been given everything he wants/needs easily since he's the baby, and he absolutely loves to argue, whine, and blame other people. He has no problem blaming other people for EVERYTHING and I've never heard 'sorry' come out of his mouth unless he was trying to win back privileges that were taken away. He's ungrateful, he throws tantrums on the floor even though he's almost 11 if he doesn't get his way. He walks _all over_ my mom. He calls her stupid, he says she hates him and he hates her, he screams that she's not fair. Every single day. I can't stand to see him to that to my mom. My mom is a wonderful person, but she takes this _crap_ from my entire family. My sister, my dad (next story..ha...), and him. And it eats her up. She got this from her parents and siblings too, and I feel like I need to protect her I guess. So I stand up for her. I call him out on it and try to explain nicely that he is treating mom wrongly, and that he should stop, and he tells me to get out of his business and that he doesn't see why I'm so mean, and that its all my fault...again. My fault. Sure. 

More than that, he's a liar. He'll lie about anything to get out of trouble, and won't feel remorse. In his mind he can do no wrong. I know it isn't my place to 'parent' him, but my mom is just so exhausted by him that she's given up, and I feel like his parent instead of her. I don't punish him of course, because that's not my job, but I tell him to back off when he's verbally 'beating' my mom. But it doesn't work. My mom needs an ally, and all she has is me, but he doesn't listen to her either. Sometimes he scares me. Right now I'm bigger and stronger than he is, but if he doesn't shape up soon I'm terrified that he'll become abusive. I don't want that. I love him, but like I said, he's infuriated. There is no winning with him. And I know that he hates that I or my mom constantly get onto him, but what can we do? I try to compliment him when he's doing the right thing, but then he just replies with "Yeah, I'm better than you are." type words. Its worthless.


And lastly...my dad. I don't even know what to say about him. He isn't necessarily a bad father, honest. And I know I'm very, very lucky to have a dad that IS still with my mom, and who provides for our family. But honestly, he does nothing more than that. Its like he's here, but he really isn't. He works all day, comes home (very late sometimes), and watches TV or gets on his computer, then leaves again early in the morning. If we try to talk to him, he ignores us. If my mom asks for help reprimanding my brother or sister, he blames it on her. He curses and yells and makes her cry, then he's quiet again. He's an angry man, and I don't know why. I guess its just how he was brought up to be (raised by his dad with three brothers, mom pretty much disappeared for years) but he scares me too. There have been a few times he has left for a week at a time over something silly, and blamed us for it. Actually...he and my brother are identical, and that terrifies me. He doesn't reprimand my brother because he knows he does the same things my brother does. He just sits there and lets my mom take the brunt of it all. 


Wow...this is long. I doubt anyone is reading this still, but that's ok. You might be crazy if you have read this far into my problems. I've just never written it all out now and I guess its just built up so much that its pouring out like a volcano now. haha. I hope I don't sound ungrateful or conceited when I write all of this... I realize I have my problems. Sometimes I'm rude to my parents, sometimes I blame them if something isn't their fault, sometimes I don't take my moms advice like I should. But at the same time I feel like there is something different about me when looking at my other two siblings. I don't know what it is though. I feel aware of suffering, aware of conflict, and I want to make things better. But they just don't care, and they hate me for it. I'm exhausted by trying to hold my family together I guess, and my family troubles are only a percentage of all of my worries.

I know many people have it so much worse than me, and I try to be grateful. I help my mom as much as I can, and I'm often the shoulder she cries on. But I feel like my family is...damaging me. I've had to become tough to deal with all of this, and almost feels like there is scar tissue around my emotions, if that's even possible. I just don't feel as much as I used to. I don't cry, I don't talk about my problems (who would I talk to anyways) unless its on here, and I try not to be a burden. I cook, I clean, I try to be a good kid. But there's only so much I can do, you know?

I don't even know what the point of this post is. Its not like there is a solution.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

Growing up is hard. Being a parent is hard. Relationships are hard.

Your sister probably needs to have her hormones checked. It sounds like they are out of whack. (Maybe you can put some "mare magic" in the casserole....)

It may be that you are getting naturally restless with your family because you are growing up. It is just natural for you to want to start to separate yourself emotionally from you family and become independent. The problem is that you are not quite far enough in life to be financially independent. You will get there.

Keep loving your family. Try not to place blame. Just accept that all families are sometimes a bit dysfunctional and keep on keeping on. 

The only way to become independent is to become financially independent. You should really consider studying something that will assure that you can get a good job. 

Because I teach at a college, I see what kids go through in their search for jobs. 
My daughter has a degree in art and she is struggling financially. My son studied political science and philosophy. He also is having trouble getting a job.

The most money that you can make for the least amount of schooling is in nursing. Nurses get jobs and they never have to struggle financially. You can get an associate degree in nursing in less than three years.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply Celeste. 

That made me laugh... maybe I SHOULD sneak some mare magic in there! LOL. I think I need to give some to myself too.

I do try not to blame them, but I know I'm guilty of doing it many times. I get frustrated enough that sometimes I just have to get out of the house, which is probably not the best response to them. I do still love them all dearly, and I always will. I just wish there was a way to fix things, but I know there isn't.

Nope, I'm definitely not financially independent yet, or anywhere near it. Which is another big worry of mine. I'm paid decently for the work that I do, but I don't work more than 10-12 hours a week because of school, caring for the family, and the horses. And I know that having Kenzie and Sour is preventing me from getting closer to being self sufficient/financially independent, but they're really the only thing I enjoy right now and it hurts a lot to think of giving them up. I know its inevitable though, and I'm trying to come to terms with it. I'm close to being able to put one of them up for sale soon, I think. I have to be. Kenzie's new home situation is only going to be temporary, and then I'll have no where to take her, and Sour's board is taking a big chunk out of my pay check. I can't afford hernia surgery for Kenzie if she needs it, and I can't afford to pay for college next year if I still have both of them. I need to just suck it up and do what I know I have to do, but it still hurts.

I'm definitely looking into school for an in-demand job. I hadn't thought of being a nurse (I'm not the most empathetic person when it comes to 'normal' people...heh) but my thought was going to school to become an Occupational Therapist. Its 5-6 years old school, but not nearly as expensive or long as much first 'dream' job, which would have been being a vet. OT is in high demand with all of the older and disabled people we have, and its something I could see myself happy in. And hopefully, if I do things right, maybe I'd eventually be able to sustain a horse without all of the constant worry that I have now. Horses are my one bright spot in my life, but I'm not foolish enough to think I can make a good living off of them, so the next best thing is a decent job so I can have one later on down the road.

Not having them for a while though is a sad thing though, and something I don't look forward to.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

Maybe you can find somebody that will free lease them and keep them for you.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Sour maybe, since she's an adult, an easy keeper with no health problems whatsoever, and trained to do multiple things including driving. 

Kenzie...not so much. I would LOVE to find someone to free lease her, but honestly I don't even know who in their right mind would BUY an unbroken two year old with an umbilical hernia, a HUGE medical past, baggage, tons of scars, light bones, and no registery given the economy right now. WE know she's a fantastic filly, but they don't. I know that if I just randomly saw her in an ad, or if someone came to HF with an ad for her asking if she was a good prospect, I'd give them a quick and definite "No, too much baggage" and I'm afraid that's whats going to happen with her when I put her up for sale too. She's so much more than the funky looking skinny filly that she appears to be, but people don't know that when they see her. If she was three and already started/ready to do something, she might have a chance as a free lease for someone, but I just don't know.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

I hope you figure out what to do. If these people will only keep her for a while, maybe you should make another attempt to give her to someone who will love her.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Thanks...I do too. She's an amazing filly if someone will just give her a chance. I really need to look into getting her story into a magazine. I'll also probably be listing her up "for sale" in multiple places again, and maybe I'll put an ad out of HF for her, with her sale price (which in any other case would just be to, hopefully, keep her out of the slaughter house or sales barn) waived to any active member who might be willing to take her. Now that she's mine, in writing, I shouldn't have any of the problems we had with her last possible forever home...so that's good at least. At this point I'm even willing to pitch in as much as I can to get her trailered to whoever might take her. I'd actually rather deal with trying to move her out of this area than sell her around here. I can't stand the way the majority of horses are treated in my area.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

Seems like we had one member in California that was interested in her.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

That's true! Of course circumstances could have changed, but at least at this point she's pretty much 100% rehabbed. The only thing she still needs is that hernia surgery, which of course is expensive... my vet told me I didn't HAVE to get it fixed at its size, but I'd really rather be safe than sorry since its a possible colic causer and she already cribs which can be another colic causer. 

Actually there was someone in the North who was possibly willing to take her too. California and Oregon are both really far away, but hey...if they're homes, I think Kenzie will survive a little cross country trip


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Well I did it..Sour is up for sale/lease/lease to own and we'll see how it goes. I'm going to be a little picky about who she goes to because she just doesn't do well in a home where she's just a pasture puff, but she's also just not the type of horse that I'd give to an inexperienced kid to learn on. I'm hoping an adult who wants to do some pleasure driving will take some interest her, or maybe even someone wanting to do local shows. She's registered, but not exactly high quality unfortunately...her croup is too steep for her to place in any halter classes. I bathed, clipped, and trimmed her bridle path today and took some conformation pictures of her, and when I get a chance I'll add a video of her driving. Hopefully she attracts a good person. I love that little gal to death and she's going to make a great little work partner for someone. The fact that she's trained, has parade experience, loves to work, and has no existing health problems are all good for her at least.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

If you were in Louisiana I would buy her for Abi for her 4h project girl- and sell her back to you when you were ready. Dangit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

Yeah :/ hopefully someone will take an interest in her. She really is a nice mare, just needs to know who is boss at all times xD 

Kenzie will go up for sale as soon as I get her moved, too, I think. Its sad but I'm really hoping that the perfect owners come along for these two girls. They both deserve it!


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

cakemom said:


> If you were in Louisiana I would buy her for Abi for her 4h project girl- and sell her back to you when you were ready. Dangit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



But Louisiana isn't that far away. Couldn't we find some method of transporting her safely there?


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

Skyseternalangel said:


> But Louisiana isn't that far away. Couldn't we find some method of transporting her safely there?


EXACTLY what I was thinking. If I recall, it only took me five hours to drive from Houston to Baton Rouge when I lived there


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