# Is it rude to make an offer, then back out if you find something better?



## Phly (Nov 14, 2012)

To me? Did you ask to buy the horse and make it clear that you would at x price? If so, I do think its rude to back out. 
They may need that cash, and writing checks they can't cash on your word....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

I want to ride enlgish**


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

Are you going to be happier with the gelding than you will the mare? Sounds like the answer is yes.

I experienced a similar situation when I bought Jackson, I was in a year long free lease on a TB mare, with the option to buy at the end. I had told them that yes, I would be buying and we started casually talking about paper work and then my farrier mentioned the horse she was selling. I tried him part way through my lease on the TB and it was like night and day. I wasn't a hunter rider, I wanted something with a little more 'spunk' and ended up buying Jackson, told them I wasn't buying the TB and they took her back (although I had been willing to hold onto her until the end of the lease). Were there hard feelings? I think so. But if I had stayed with the mare I would have been miserable, turns out my gut feeling was right, I've seen her at shows and while she's a nice looking horse she is 100% not for me and I'm beyond happy with my decision.

Test the gelding and then test him again, make sure he's really what you want and you haven't fallen in love with the idea, and inform the mare owner that you've thought about it and she really isn't the right horse for you. People back out of sales all the time, and as long as you don't have a contract signed you aren't bound to this horse. Just don't buy her because you want to 'be nice', sometimes you have to think of yourself, not other people. :wink:


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

The person who has the horse right now is a middle man between the owner and me (she is a trainer). She said there has been a lot of people interested in her, but she wanted her to go to me. So she made my offer to the owner and he accepted it. I really don't think she would have a problem reselling this mare because she is so good looking and well bred... I just think that the gelding could be a better match for me. 

I am really embarrassed that he was brought up to me AFTER I made the offer. And I really don't want to be rude about it to her... but if I think the gelding might be a better match for ME, shouldn't I back out?


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

Phly said:


> To me? Did you ask to buy the horse and make it clear that you would at x price? If so, I do think its rude to back out.
> They may need that cash, and writing checks they can't cash on your word....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Phly, people back out of sales all the time. It isn't ideal, but so long as OP wasn't 'pulling the wool over her eyes' I don't think it's rude at all. It isn't the OP's issue if the seller needs money, the OP's objective is to find the best horse for her. I would hope the seller is smart enough to hold off on spending money they don't yet have.


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## Misty'sGirl (Oct 22, 2007)

If you've already made an offer and they've accepted... if it were me selling the horse, I'd be annoyed. But you haven't given the money, so you can do what you want, but prepared for her to be a bit peed off.


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## Chevaux (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm unfamiliar with US law but that won't stop me from saying you have made a verbal contract (or maybe it's in writing - I don't know) with the owner to buy the mare. There is a possibility that if you back out now and the owner has turned down other offers because you said you would take her there may be the potential for a lawsuit if he cannot get the same amount of money in a subsequently selling (or is it reselling?) of her.


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

Alexis- I really appreciate that you have the same situation and you gave me some really good advice. I do think I would be happier with the gelding... I am just not a mare person, but the little mare stuck out to me. I haven't signed anything yet, so that isn't the problem. 
I don't have a relationship with the woman I am purchasing the horse from other then the actual purchase of the horse herself, but that is no justification for saying "no" and then giving the cold shoulder treatment... I just feel like such a brat about the whole situation!
I have been looking for MONTHS for the right horse, then when I thought I found her and made an offer, I find one that has the potential to be better for me in more ways then one. Ugh! Lol


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## Phly (Nov 14, 2012)

littleerin5 said:


> I want to ride enlgish**


I get that, and you may have been tire kicking? 
But I do think it is rude to say yes you want x horse, then back out. Who knows if they need that horse gone for any reason, now it may be of the market to someone who WOULD buy it. It's rude, that's my opinion. 
I'm not saying that's the horse for you, not at all, in fact I'd tend to say its a horse you shouldn't even have went to look at. Honestly. It's not what you want, why bother everyone involved? 
Please don't take that as rude, it's just common curtesy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

Chevaux said:


> I'm unfamiliar with US law but that won't stop me from saying you have made a verbal contract (or maybe it's in writing - I don't know) with the owner to buy the mare. There is a possibility that if you back out now and the owner has turned down other offers because you said you would take her there may be the potential for a lawsuit if he cannot get the same amount of money in a subsequently selling (or is it reselling?) of her.


 
I can definitely see how that would be a problem. I am not sure if the trainer who has the horse right now would be furious about it, because I tried to back out once when I realized her height, and the owner was persistent on wanting ME to be the owner and how she thought WE were a good match. I know she has other current offers on the mare, and a few people want the mare for their children because of her size and easy temper and she really is stunning.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

Honestly, I think you're over thinking it. Many people will be a bit ticked, but will realize it's not something to start a riot over and you've said yourself that the trainer doesn't think they'll have a problem selling.

I would talk to her (or the middle man, but preferably the owner) soon and in person or over the phone, be apologetic and explain your situation. You want to try riding English, the mare just isn't the right match for you. You wont know if the situation is going to go sour until you're IN the situation, and more often than not it wont.

How much are the horses worth? I ask because unless they're worth a huge chunk of money people aren't going to be inclined to make a fuss about 'verbal contracts' as Chevaux has mentioned, lawsuits themselves cost a heck of a lot of money.


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## Phly (Nov 14, 2012)

But ones word is priceless........ 

And I'm done
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

alexischristina said:


> How much are the horses worth? I ask because unless they're worth a huge chunk of money people aren't going to be inclined to make a fuss about 'verbal contracts' as Chevaux has mentioned, lawsuits themselves cost a heck of a lot of money.


No worries, they aren't $30,000 show horses. They are $2,500. It's not a huge sum of money. The owner just wants to sell the mare so he can get a finished cutting horse and he needs the room. 

I do see how it is rude, but my offer on the mare wasn't a huge difference in the first place. It was actually just a couple hundred cheaper so I could keep her at their place until next month... For the total equalling $2,500 AFTER boarding charges. So really it was more or less full asking price with free board for a month. 

I know there are others out there looking at her. She won't have a problem selling at all. I just wanted other oppinions on backing out of an offer.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

Phly said:


> But ones word is priceless........
> 
> And I'm done
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It isn't as if OP is pulling off some great scam, she found a horse that is better suited to her needed before money changed hands _it happens._

Honestly, OP, at $2500 the horses aren't worth enough money to cause any fuss of a lawsuit, ESPECIALLY considering there are other buyers for the mare. From your posts it sounds as if you were rushed into the sale in the first place, and for that alone I wouldn't feel too guilty about having second thoughts. As I said, talk to the owner as soon as possible and explain the situation to her. Apologize, wish her luck, but don't spend money on a horse that isn't right for you.


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## Stan (Aug 25, 2011)

Chevaux said:


> I'm unfamiliar with US law but that won't stop me from saying you have made a verbal contract (or maybe it's in writing - I don't know) with the owner to buy the mare. There is a possibility that if you back out now and the owner has turned down other offers because you said you would take her there may be the potential for a lawsuit if he cannot get the same amount of money in a subsequently selling (or is it reselling?) of her.


If it was me I would not worry to much about the lawsuit unless it was a horse worth mega bucks. The cost of trying to recover what may or may not be a breach of contract would be on the high side and most likely outweigh several times over the value of the horse.


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

Okay, thanks for the opinions. I was really stressing it, but I got some good advice from AlexisChristina and I am going to take it! I appreciate it guys!


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## Stan (Aug 25, 2011)

Phly said:


> But ones word is priceless........
> 
> And I'm done
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do agree that ones word is priceless but how many stories do we hear of the wonder horse some one brought only to find it was great only because it was under nourished so lacked the energy to buck, or the horse that had been feed large amounts of magnesium to quieten it down, only to get it home and a couple of weeks later to find its a fire ball. Now will the seller give back the money and that is if one can find them again.

My word is my bond but I have been duped.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Go try the gelding one more time, make SURE he is the horse for you, and then let the seller know you have changed your mind. It happens ALL the time. Even with a deposit left-it happens. I personally would not come home with a horse I had doubts about in the first place. It is much better to purchase the right one than try to sell the wrong one. There won't be a lawsuit, I am sure is their is an agent involved, they are used to this kind of thing. As my dad used to say-it is not sold until the $$ is in your pocket and the taillights are going out of the driveway.

As far as the owner wanting YOU to own the horse-what a line. They probably would have said the same thing to about anyone, so I would not feel the least bit bad about that.


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## Cat (Jul 26, 2008)

I guess I am not seeing the big deal in this situation? People backing out of sales happens all the time. Even happens the other way - buyer didn't put a deposit down so when someone came with cash in hand the seller sold to the guaranteed sale. Not the prettiest scenario, but it happens frequently. Even with high-sale dollar horses a verbal contract is most likely not going to stand up in court because a judge is going to point out if the seller was worried about possible lost sales then they should have gotten a deposit. Even then, if the deposit wasn't written out in the contract as "non-refundable" most people can even get that back if they wish to pursue it. 

Personally from a sellers stand-point, I would not be surprised over a deal being backed out of if I did not at least have a deposit or signed contract in hand. Even then I wouldn't be totally shocked if they backed out (like franknbeans said above - if the money is not in hand and the horse on the trailer, then its not sold yet). 

And if I really like the horse I'm trying to sell and the potential buyer tells me after some though that they really don't think this is the horse for them - then I would prefer them to back out rather than go through with the sale "just because it would be rude otherwise". If I need to place a horse for whatever reason I want him to go to a home that appreciates him and wants him for what he is rather than most likely end up being a re-sale. 

I would re-try both horses and make my decision then and just nicely explain to the seller that you found a horse that more closely matches what you are looking for and that you are very sorry about having to back out of the sale. When it comes down to it - you will be the one paying the feed and care for this horse, why would you want to pay that for a horse you really don't want?


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Shoot, I had a seller sell one out from under me WITH a deposit!

If you know you want to ride english, I would not waste more of the sellers time re-trying the mare. JMHO.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I would be up front, sincere and honest. Tell her you really like the mare but you found a gelding you really really like. Apologise for wasting her time. I think a good horse person will understand!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

As a seller, I don't think it's a big deal. When I sell a horse, people have the option of calling back and saying that the horse just isn't what they wanted. And over the years, I've had a couple do that. 

Purchase price aside, buying a horse is an investment of money and also an emotional one. Get what suits you. That will be best for all involved.


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## Becca93 (Jan 22, 2009)

I think it would be WORSE to buy a horse you are not 100% happy with than to back out of a sale IMHO. 

People back out of sales all the time for a whole range of different reasons - sure it might be annoying and inconvenient for the seller and I have had it happened to me. If the gelding is the better horse for you, then buy the gelding and apologise to the owner of the mare. It sounds like they won't have an issue selling the mare anyway.


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## gigem88 (May 10, 2011)

I don't see it being rude at all. You gotta do whats best for you and if you have the chance to get a better fit, then go for it. Just my opinion.


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## CatrinaB87 (Dec 29, 2008)

Rude has nothing to do with it. This is a BUSINESS transaction, nothing else. There is no difference in what you are doing here and car shopping. You have found something more compatible and more for you. You have not given any money, a horse has not been moved. They shouldn't be counting chickens before they hatch. If they need an explanation, give them one. You found a better horse, simple as that. If you feel you need to apologize then do so, but I don't think you are being rude at all. Go for the better horse.


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

CatrinaB87 said:


> Rude has nothing to do with it. This is a BUSINESS transaction, nothing else. There is no difference in what you are doing here and car shopping. You have found something more compatible and more for you. You have not given any money, a horse has not been moved. They shouldn't be counting chickens before they hatch. If they need an explanation, give them one. You found a better horse, simple as that. If you feel you need to apologize then do so, but I don't think you are being rude at all. Go for the better horse.


Agreed,

If over the years I had a dollar for everyone who said they wanted to buy something or even paced an order and cancelled it the next day, I might be rich......lol...

It is business and people often change their minds.... it is no big deal.....

.


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## Blue Smoke (Dec 22, 2012)

Honestly don't think it will be an issue. Call and tell her the truth, you found a horse that is a better fit. I'm sure not everyone is like this, but as a seller, I would be happy that my horse was NOT going to a home where the buyer would not 100% be happy with them. Starting out at less than 100% is not good, and I would gladly keep trying to sell...


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## jillybean19 (Dec 23, 2011)

I only read the first page, but frankly, if it's not the horse for you, it's not the horse. And in the US, unless it's in writing, it didn't happen. Sellers know that (or at least they should and so should everyone else in every "agreement" they make), so if they held the horse, they did so at their own risk without a written contract. Whenever I make a verbal contract for selling something, I tell other interested parties that there is a "pending" offer, but if it falls through, oh well. I didn't have anything in writing so nothing is guaranteed. And then I call the other interested people.


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## jillybean19 (Dec 23, 2011)

alexischristina said:


> How much are the horses worth? I ask because unless they're worth a huge chunk of money people aren't going to be inclined to make a fuss about 'verbal contracts' as Chevaux has mentioned, lawsuits themselves cost a heck of a lot of money.


If it's not in writing, it didn't happen anyway. That's US law.


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## jillybean19 (Dec 23, 2011)

Now that I read the whole thread, I'll make one final comment on the whole "in writing" thing. Verbal contracts rarely count for anything regardless of the money involved. You ALWAYS get something in writing - whether it's a receipt for a deposit or - better yet - a signed contract agreeing to the terms of sale, including how long the owner will have the horse. It protects both the seller and the buyer.

For instance, say you "buy" a horse, no contract is signed and the seller is holding it for you, and someone gets kicked? Who's liable? Without a contract explicitly saying when the actual transfer of ownership takes place (i.e. when the horse leaves the property, a specific date, effective immediately, etc.), you and the seller may be pointing fingers at one another and end up in a lawsuit from the injured person.

If you were buying a $30,000 horse, I guarantee both parties would be signing detailed contracts before ANY assumptions were made about the transfer of ownership.

As it's been said multiple times, it's business. And it has to be treated as such.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

Rude? Yes! It is rude. But I would take the horse that was more suited for me. I deal in this sort of thing all the time (not horses) and I take deposits and make contracts. If I was you I would take this as a learning experience and not make deal I will not keep, I am a person of my word and that is about all you have!!! If you lose that, well, I am sorry for you. Soooooooooooooooo, maybe offer the owner of the mare 100.00 for wasting her time but from now on, do not make promises and plans you cannot keep! IMO, it is just not right!!!


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## Critter sitter (Jun 2, 2012)

If it were me and I was selling you the horse I would want My horse to go to the Perfect home.. and if you feel that the horse is not perfect for you your honesty coming to me and letting me ASAP is what I would want. Would I bummed that the sale fell through YES but it does sound like that they can sell her pretty fast. 
I have also seen Owners backing out of a sale that was agreed on because they were offered more money. is that wrong?? YES and i think rude. but you figuring out you found a better match is not Rude at all.


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## jillybean19 (Dec 23, 2011)

If there's no signed contract, the seller would be silly to assume the horse was guaranteed sold. Personally, I wouldn't take offense as a seller and wouldn't expect any money in return for "wasting" my time because I'd be smart enough to have either a contract or a back-up plan.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

Finding a better horse is not the rude part. It's the going around making deals and scheduling times for these things to happen that is. And the longer you wait to tell her you are backing out the ruder it is. You should have said, yes I want her but if something better comes along I will take it before you even left. 

I do agree with CS, that I would not want my horse going to a home that was not perfect. I am not saying you should not go with the better horse for you. I am just saying think first next time. 

EDIT: There are a lot of people that still believe that your word and a handshake are good as gold.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

It's rude to not call back the seller of the first horse as soon as you changed your mind. Do that asap, no deposit was given so I highly doubt anyone was spending money they hadn't secured yet, & if they did, it's a good lesson for in how private sales work, buyers back out of unsecured verbal agreements all the time! If I was the seller, I might be slightly disappointed that my horse wasn't sold but I rather my horse to go to an owner that truly wanted him, not to someone who felt obligated.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

my question would be, if you wanted to ride English, why did you waste their time in the first place? if your not a 'mare person'(personally I'm a 'good horse is a good horse' person, but anyways) why did you waste their time? 

A huge pet peeve of mine is people who don't know what they want, spending hours of peoples time for nothing. Yes, It would be very annoying if a buyer said they would buy a horse(your word is your bond, their was a time when all people had to do was say they would do things and they would get done, but today you need to have a contract, written and signed for everything.) and backed out at the last minute because they had kept looking, after promising to buy my horse, and found something they liked better. However, most sellers today realize that a persons word means very little, the only way you have a horse sold is when the paperwork is signed and money is in hand.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

Critter sitter said:


> Would I bummed that the sale fell through YES but it does sound like that they can sell her pretty fast.


Oh come on, you know you would be on here telling us all about this rude buyer, :lol: :wink:


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## Critter sitter (Jun 2, 2012)

nvr2many said:


> Oh come on, you know you would be on here telling us all about this rude buyer, :lol: :wink:


LOL Melinda it was only a few months ago I was infact Selling my mare.. I was lucky and I did have a great buyer who I "promised her too" I had Many come look at her. What drove me nuts were all the people who would call me and ask what my bottom dollar was not even coming to see her yet.. I would tell them I would Not talk Money unless they cam out to visit with me and the horse.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

BlueSpark said:


> my question would be, if you wanted to ride English, why did you waste their time in the first place? if your not a 'mare person'(personally I'm a 'good horse is a good horse' person, but anyways) why did you waste their time?


Because unless you keep an open mind and try a lot of horses how do you know what will fit?

I am so not a mare person, so how come I have mares now? because I have found that the right mare is worth her weight in gold. I have a mare who is English broke, who is going out to be re started Western, just because a horse rides well in one discipline, doesn't mean it can't do anything else.

I get the people saying my word is my bond, but when buying or selling horses nothing is certain until the horse is on the trailer and cash money has been exchanged.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

^^^ You know I was teasing ya Lori, right???


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

Golden Horse said:


> I get the people saying my word is my bond, but when buying or selling horses nothing is certain until the horse is on the trailer and cash money has been exchanged.


Then do not make promises. I agree with everything you said, but just do not promise to take the horse and everyone can be happy! 

EDIT: It is sad what the world has turned into. We say its ok to give your word which means nothing and wonder why the world is the way it is today!!!


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## jillybean19 (Dec 23, 2011)

nvr2many said:


> Then do not make promises. I agree with everything you said, but just do not promise to take the horse and everyone can be happy!
> 
> EDIT: It is sad what the world has turned into. We say its ok to give your word which means nothing and wonder why the world is the way it is today!!!


From what the OP said, she fully intended on taking the first horse, in which case I don't think she did anything wrong. If she didn't feel that the first horse was the right one for her and so promised to buy the horse even though she intended to keep looking, that would be a different story. However, things happen, and sometimes circumstances change as it seems it has in this case.


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

jillybean19 said:


> From what the OP said, she fully intended on taking the first horse, in which case I don't think she did anything wrong. If she didn't feel that the first horse was the right one for her and so promised to buy the horse even though she intended to keep looking, that would be a different story. However, things happen, and sometimes circumstances change as it seems it has in this case.


Agreed!

EDIT: Butttttttttttttttttttttt the OP never said how she came across this horse that was better suited for her????????????? Did she keep looking after making a promise??? If so that is RUDE!


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## Casey02 (Sep 20, 2011)

Any updates OP?


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

nvr2many said:


> Agreed!
> 
> EDIT: Butttttttttttttttttttttt the OP never said how she came across this horse that was better suited for her????????????? Did she keep looking after making a promise??? If so that is RUDE!


It's not rude, things happen. Hey, maybe she should take the mare and then turn around and sell her again straight away, in fact if there is so much interest in the mare she could even make a profit in flipping her!

Yeah, that's it OP, keep your word, buy a horse you have no intention of keeping, because 'you gave your word'


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

Golden Horse said:


> It's not rude, things happen. Hey, maybe she should take the mare and then turn around and sell her again straight away, in fact if there is so much interest in the mare she could even make a profit in flipping her!
> 
> Yeah, that's it OP, keep your word, buy a horse you have no intention of keeping, because 'you gave your word'


If this is directed at me you are being ridiculous! I never said I would take the horse that was not right for me, I actually said the opposite if you cared to take the time to read my posts! All I have to say is WOW, just WOW! I'm out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :evil:


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## nvr2many (Jan 18, 2011)

I felt the need to come back and apologize to the OP. I am sorry for my part in this thread getting heated. But you did ask a question. The question being "Is it rude to make an offer, then back out if you find something better" and the answer is YES, it is. Especially if you kept looking. But sometimes (stuff happens and) we cannot help but be rude and hopefully not make a habit of it. 

If you were asking if we thought you should back out and get the horse better suited to you, then the answer would have been YES you should. But to call the owner now and let her know you are having second thoughts so she is on the same page. The longer you wait, the ruder it is. 

Sooooooooooooooooooo, go get that gelding and please come and show pictures!!!!

Thank you if you took time to read this!


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

Here's my take on it from the seller's point of view.

#1, I don't ever try to push someone into buying my horse. There's not any of that, "OH but I want YOU to have her.". So to me, that's a stupid move on the seller's part and made you feel obligated. 

#2, No horse is SOLD or off the sales sheet without a signed contract AND a 25% NON-REFUNDABLE deposit to hold the horse until the agreed upon date when the balance is paid. 

#3, No sales deal is truly finalized until the cash is in my hand and the horse is on the trailer headed down the driveway away from here. 

#4, I figure that 99% of the people I deal with are "Hoof Kickers" and won't follow through with buying the horse, no matter what they say. 

So, for courtesy, check out the gelding and make your decision final quickly and release the mare ASAP if you're going to. If the mare really has several buyers ready to jump, then you don't want the seller to lose out because they TOO found other horses. 

As a seller, I wouldn't even be mad if you backed out at this point as long as there's no signed contract and no deposit has been paid. If you backed out after signing the contract and giving me 25% down, I'd still shrug my shoulders and figure I'd rented the horse out for $625 for a few days, not a big deal.


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## Anatopism (May 15, 2013)

nvr2many said:


> Agreed!
> 
> EDIT: Butttttttttttttttttttttt the OP never said how she came across this horse that was better suited for her????????????? Did she keep looking after making a promise??? If so that is RUDE!


Didn't she say her farrier told her about a horse they had for sale after the deal with the mare? 

I don't sell horses, but I do breed and sell ball pythons (which can be quite high dollar, depending on type)... Nothing wrong with backing out of a sale before its finalized. I might be annoyed as a seller, but I would rather sell to somebody who actually wants what I am selling. Also to clarify, annoyed at needing to repost the snake for sale, but i've learned many of my experiences with tire-kickers was just as much my fault as a seller as it was the buyer. i now know to be more direct and straightforward when discussing a deal or selling animals. My hobby/business is BUILT on word of mouth... Reputation plays a massive role in the success of individuals.. And it is still common and accepted to back out of a sale. Hurt feelings are less important than spending huge amounts of money on a living creature where your satisfaction may directly impact its care, or your happiness in the long run. 

As said previously, its like buying a car... It isn't just a one time purchase, but requires long term care. Why buy a car that I know can't handle he snow as well as another in winter, if I can buy he better car from the start?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

As a seller, I do not consider a horse sold till the money is cleared in my account and the horse has been moved. Buyers back out, that's just a fact of the business. 
I'd be more upset if a person bought a horse from me then re-sold it right away to get something else, rather than being upfront about wanting a different horse. Now having said that, it still wouldn't matter how I felt as the horse would not be mine to be upset about. 
OP, do what you want. Some people would find it rude but so what? You can't please everyone and nobody is on the lookout for you except you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

I'd rather a buyer flake BEFORE the sale than after, and then demand their money back. Besides, as a seller I'd rather my horse go to someone who really _wants_ him/her.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

Exactly, JDI and SR. As a seller I wouldn't want my horse to go to someone who wasn't 110% sure they wanted the horse in the first place, because if they DO decide they don't want the horse and go to sell it, then I have no control over where it goes. I would rather reduce the chances of my horse falling into the wrong hands by getting it to the right home the first time. There was no contract, no money changed hands, OP didn't do anything 'shady', I think it's silly to get so up in arms...


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## Chevaux (Jun 27, 2012)

I think maybe I'll come back in here for a moment. I made the comment about a verbal contract (prefacing it with not knowing its legitimacy under US law). It was just a thought at the time of what can go wrong if the OP backs out. 

At this point I should like to add, as my general observation on horseownership, that it is not unusual to find a more interesting looking or suitable mount after you've made your pick and even had it at home for awhile. I know its happened to me and I think to myself "gee if only I'd waited a couple of weeks before buying "X" and then I next think if I did that I would never end up with a horse as I'm always looking for something that probably doesn't exist in reality (only my mind). With this, I am not saying the OP should get the mare if she has decided against it but rather that there's likely always going to be a better horse out there that you want and such is life.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

> I'd rather a buyer flake BEFORE the sale than after, and then demand their money back. Besides, as a seller I'd rather my horse go to someone who really _wants_ him/her.


I agree, while I don't understand why someone would verbally commit to something they were not 100% sure about and then change their mind, I would rather they do it before then after.



> I am so not a mare person, so how come I have mares now? Because I have found that the right mare is worth her weight in gold. I have a mare who is English broke, who is going out to be re started Western, just because a horse rides well in one discipline, doesn't mean it can't do anything else.


If a horse being a mare was a big deciding factor, why would you look at mares? If you did look at a mare, and decided she was "worth her weight in gold", why would you change your mind as soon as a gelding came up?



> Because unless you keep an open mind and try a lot of horses how do you know what will fit?


If you wanted an English horse that was already trained in English, why would you go look at horses that were only trained western? Its a different thing entirely if you don't mind retraining, but in this case it sounds like the OP was really wanting a gelding that was trained English/western, settled on the mare, then changed her mind as soon as the horse they were actually looking for came up. if you wanted a trail horse, would you go try some dressage horses that had never been out of the arena? if you wanted a dressage horse would you go try some competing in western pleasure? You try out horses that work for your goals. If English training was a deal breaker, OP should not have been looking at an exclusively western trained horse.

For those who say its like buying a car, first off, unlike car salesman, most of whom get an hourly wage and commission, the hours you take from a private seller are only paid for by the sale of the item. if you take up 8 hours of the sellers time in multiple visits, then decide you don't want the horse, you have just wasted 8 hours of some ones time. People rarely make multiple visits to car dealerships, to test drive the vehicle multiple times, for hours each visit. Additionally, I don't know anyone who walks into a dealership, says "I'll take the red Ford", then walks out, goes to another dealership and picks up a different car. Maybe I just don't know enough people?

I go horse shopping for a horse with qualities I need, find one I like that is sound, then I buy it. I did the same thing with my car.

So I guess to summarize, Yes, it is rude.


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## Anatopism (May 15, 2013)

I think people are getting too hung up on connecting detached ideas: it can be both rude, and ok to not go through with he deal. It can be rude, and still decidedly better not to get the horse you aren't set on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

I have a friend that was in a similar situation, but from the other point of view. She was selling a horse, and it was a "done deal" with an accepted offer. Over the weekend she changed her mind and decided to keep the horse. Was it rude? I think so. However, she has been working with and showing this horse since, and is so happy that she didn't sell him. Yes, it may have been rude and in poor form. It was the right decision though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Little Jane (Mar 7, 2013)

I haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to add some perspective from an interesting angle. When I first inquired into buying my mare, the owner said she was already spoken for. I was devastated, but replied to the email and said if anything came up, please let me know. Lo and behold, within two days, the lady on the other end of the deal had gone from doing a trade that Sunday, to maybe buying her Saturday, to not really wanting to go through, and because of all that, I was able to buy the horse. So, in my case, someone backing out of a previous deal was a very good thing


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## Shoebox (Apr 18, 2012)

Yes, I see that as rude. I've had that situation happen to me (not with a horse) - I tell one person oh sure, I'll hold it for you. Turn down better offers. Then before the sale, they back out. was I angry? Much so. 

I also think that, if you think you would be unhappy, you might just have to risk being rude and making her unhappy. Just, do it as soon as possible so she can accept offers that might come her way. A horse is a MAJOR purchase and it's not air for you or the horse to buy her and then resent her because you'd wanted the other one.


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## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

I didn't read all the posts, but sellers around here generally require a non refundable deposit to "hold" a horse to discourage folks just backing out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Horse racer (Jun 28, 2012)

Honestly if it was me, I would be concerned on what is better for me rather than the owner. If you have a horse that you think would be a better fit and enjoy him more go for that one. Don't get stuck with a horse that isn't the right one just because you don't want to come across rude. If the trainer who is selling the horse really is a good horse person, she'd understand your dilemma. 

Don't get a horse that isn't the right one or is not the one you really want, I think that would be a mistake IMO.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

To be honest I think it is rude. Written contracts have developed because we can't seem to keep our word. Once you've made an offer, organised a pick up time and it's all been agreed upon the horse is as good as yours. They could be turning down other people based on your word. And sure, buyers back out all of the time, and so do sellers, but a lot of people in this world do things I wouldn't agree with but that doesn't give me an excuse to do them. 

At the same time were you to buy this mare you would never be happy, because you'd always have wanted another horse. 

I'd call up the owners immediately and tell them you don't want this horse, none of this messing around. If you don't want the horse you don't want it, it has nothing to do with what's better out there. Many people wouldn't agree but I would also give them 10% of the purchase price. That is generally what a deposit is, and I think for all the messing around and defaulting on the sale that is what they should have. They didn't ask for a deposit because they trusted you. If you walk away there is nothing that they can do, but I don't think it's right. 

Good luck with your new horse though. You didn't mention which one you prefer riding etc? Minor issues like washing can be overlooked but in my experience you don't really know if the horse is just right until you sit on it and it all works.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Saskia said:


> I'd call up the owners immediately and tell them you don't want this horse, none of this messing around.


Is it messing around? if the OP were totally unscrupulous then she would not have a worry on the world, and would of just told the owners that "I've changed my mind" or just gone missing never to be heard of again. The fact that she is asking the question means that it is not easy for her.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

I'm late to this party but I'd be honest and let them know that you have found a different horse that better matches your needs.

Don't mention to them anything about their horse, because they will take that personally. Just nice and simple, leave it at that.

In the end it is business. If they take it personally and attack you over it, that says a great deal about their character.. or lack thereof.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

If you are looking for an answer to make you feel better, this is not one.
I think it is Rude. You agreed verbally to buy that horse. The longer you wait to rescind your offer, the worse it will be. As the seller, or the go between I would be very Annoyed, and would not be your go between person ever again. 
This type of thing can ruin a persons reputation. It does happen all the time.
Are you a minor ? the seller should never deal with a minor.


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## jillybean19 (Dec 23, 2011)

littleerin5 said:


> Okay, thanks for the opinions. I was really stressing it, but I got some good advice from AlexisChristina and I am going to take it! I appreciate it guys!


Just saying.... The OP posted this on page 2, so I don't think she's messing around any longer assuming that she followed through with what she said she would do (which is ironically the issue in this thread).


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

:wink: exactly, everything is being dealt with, she gelding sounds like a very nice horse and everyone here is just dragging it on and on, berating the OP for doing something people do all the time. 

Obviously OP wasn't intending on hurting anyone and I think it's a bit dramatic to say it will ruin her reputation. She sounds like a very nice person, possibly TOO nice to survive the brash people in this industry.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

alexischristina said:


> She sounds like a very nice person, possibly TOO nice to survive the brash people in this industry.


Quite possible


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## peppersgirl (Aug 24, 2012)

I haven't read the whole thread but here is my 2 cents on the subject...

First of all a horse is kind of a massive responsibility both financially and in maintenance. If I found a horse that was great at the time, to come along to something better BEFORE anything was set in stone, you are darn tooting I would back out of the sale to purchase the better horse- screw feeling obligated to anyone or being sad that I hurt someone feewings.... She may not have had any doubts about this mare UNTIL she found this gelding - IT HAPPENS. This is a BIG life altering decision! Get the horse that you think is best suited for you. 

Second- If these people started spending any money that is not yet in their possession, because they are going of the word of someone, then um... who's fault is that?? certainly NOT the potential buyer.


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## tinaev (Dec 2, 2012)

I only read the first page, but it's really no big deal. People change their minds on what to buy all the time. Just because it's a horse doesn't make it any different. Buy the horse that's right for you!


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

Okay everyone. I talked to the woman and she was totally sweet and understanding about it! I was so nervous to disappoint someone because I had made the offer, but honestly I don't even think she had sour feelings at all! 

I appreciate the good advice from everyone and the reassurance to NOT get a horse I wasn't 100% on. 

First time buyer jitters I guess. Thanks again ya'll.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Well done OP, you were in a difficult place there, glad you spoke up. Now about this new horse you are looking at:wink:


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## littleerin5 (Mar 9, 2013)

Oh, and to those who thought I kept looking for a horse after I found the mare... That is false. Please do not assume things. 

A very dear friend of mind showed me the gelding after I had made the offer on the mare. At the time, I thought the mare was *it* and great for me, and she REALLY is a great horse, Then I heard about this gelding from my friend and he just seemed to match me better, but I let it roll off my back at first and said I already found a horse. I would have never kept looking at horses after I made an offer because I figured the offer was a done deal, but my friend was persistent on checking out the gelding. I did it to humor her and found that HE was infact better for ME. 

Long story short, the woman understood and accepted my apology with no hard feelings at all.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

That's fantastic! Do you have any pictures to share with us? :wink:


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I read the first and last page, only. 

I can see that you talked to the first horse owner, and they are ok. I would have given them $100 to relist the horse for an extra month. To me, my word is worth something.

I feel that you made a commitment to the first horse, but horses are expensive, so go with the one that's best for you. But in this case, I would have paid the costs to relist to the horse for the time you were farting around with your decision, that's not the horse owners fault.


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## DivasMom (Jun 26, 2013)

I had a message that I typed up but it sounded too much like a guilt trip.. that's not what i was going for so i decided to erase it.


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## Cat (Jul 26, 2008)

Congrats on finding the right horse for you!

And man - I really wish I had some of the people on this thread as potential buyers. $100 or 10% of purchase price, etc for backing out on a non-deposited possible sale? I've had so many of those in my life (not all horse related) that I would be rich!


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## Becca93 (Jan 22, 2009)

Congratulations on handling a difficult situation really well. At the end of the day you did the right thing by both the seller, the mare and yourself. Buying a horse isn't an easy thing, and you really do need to come home with a horse you are 100% happy with.

Now details and photos of your new gelding?


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