# HELP! My daughter is wanting to quit :(



## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

I am really hoping that you all can offer me some advise .. or maybe just help me to pick myself up off of the floor! My 11 yr old daughter has been riding since she was 7. She has had her own horse for about a yr now and has a couple of "scares" in the last few months. First I should say my daughter is a "cautious" child to begin with .. she is a worrier ..always has been and always will be I suppose. (Very unlike her mother who when she was young wanted to go as fast and as high as possible on a horse LOL) She fell off of her horse a few months ago and since then she has been just a ball of nerves. The horse caught his foot in a net used to hold shavings..it spooked him .. she lost her balance .. The horse honestly didn't do anything that I would have remotely called "bad or out of the natural" but nonetheless she fell. It wasn't even a bad fall! But she is just soo nervous now to ride ..She makes up every excuse possible. She did get right back on the night that she fell. And we have always been honest with her about the fact that at some time ALL riders do take a tumble. I have even told her that I don't care if she just keeps him at a walk .. thinking she would build her confidence back up. That didn't even help.. she is as stiff as a board when she is riding now and even told me the other day that she didn't want to ride anymore .. HELP! I don't know whether I should push .. or let hang back? I have tried both .. and nothing seems to be working! I am a big believer in not quitting something .. when they start a sport .. they finish .. the committment is even bigger with a horse! I don't want to have he rlose her love for horses by pushing too hard .. but I don't want her to walk away from it because she is afraid .. ANY ADVISE would be greatly appreciated!


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## luvmyperch (Oct 5, 2009)

Fear is fear, doesn't matter if you're 11 or 51! I would bet she's anticipating another spook from her horse and is only going to make him tense by being tense herself. Does she still enjoy spending time with her horse? Grooming, hand grazing, etc? I'd let her take a break from saddle time for a little while, only if she is still enjoying the rest of barn life. Does she have friends to ride with? I'm not sure if you're boarding or have her horse at home. It depends on the person, but somtimes a nice break that makes you start to "miss" riding helps a lot, sort of like absence makes the heart grow fonder!


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

Welcome to the forum!

When my kids were younger, I bought them pony after pony and they rode well. In truth, they didn't like it at all but did it because it was my passion. The more I pushed, the more they resisted and now could care less if there was a horse on the property or not. 

Son #1 and his wife came down from Boston to spend this past weekend with us and never once went over to the barn to check out the new horses. Neither would son #2 or his wife. My youngest (daughter) still lives at home and if the horses were missing, I doubt she would notice.

Horses are my passion, it was never theirs or my wife's. If you tried getting her to groom them or help around them and she still finds an excuse not to, then let it go. If she wants to ride again, great; but if not, there are other things she may have an interest in and you need to promote that interest.

I know that's not what you want to hear but that's been my experience.


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## dressagebelle (May 13, 2009)

Is there maybe another lesson horse at the barn who is very calm and quiet, and will ignore her being uptight? My suggestion is to make it fun again, in a way that clicks with your daughter. I don't know what she is into, but maybe a trail course in the arena, walking over a bridge, turning in a small circle in a "box" made up of jump poles, opening and closing a fake gate, we used two standards with a piece of rope, and the rope is what we moved. We also had a mailbox that we opened and closed. Stuff like that with hidden rewards in the mailbox maybe. I am working on starting an Arabian mare, and first time on her, she spooked at a cat, and I jumped off her. Honestly I am very nervous now when I get on her, as she is a high strung horse, and because she always looks at everything, I tense up when I'm on her, and her being an extremely green horse, she gets upset about that which of course makes me even more tense. What one of the other girls at the barn does when she's leading my horse around while I'm on her, is talk about anything and everything just to get my mind off the horse and being nervous. Works pretty well for me. Anything you do will take a while to have an effect, but I'd see if she's open to possibly just walking around the arena playing around with obstacles, whether on her horse, or a lesson horse that she trusts, and give it a few weeks. Maybe have a trainer talk to her as well, let her know that she's not alone in being scared to work the horse again. If after a few weeks she still wants to give it up, then I would back off. Maybe lease the horse out for a bit, just in case she changes her mind, or she ends up realizing that she misses going out to the barn. At the very least, she can still go out and groom him, and spend some time on the ground with him. Sorry for the really long post lol. Hope it all works out.


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## Indyhorse (Dec 3, 2009)

So far this isn't something I have had to deal with myself, my son has taken a few falls but it hasn't put him off. But a good friend of mine went through it last year. Her daughter (9 years old) had taken a bad fall and wanted "out". She told her daughter it was fine if she didn't want to ride any more and she wouldn't make her, but she told her daughter that she had bought and owned a horse and was therefore committed to the horse. She made her daughter take on the responsibility of all the daily chores of the horse, including feeding, grooming, and stall cleaning. When her daughter complained about the work her mother reminded her that the "payment" for all this work was getting to ride, that was what made owning a horse worth it, and sympathized with her that when you just have to do all the work and not get any of the riding, that owning a horse wasn't as much fun. But she kept telling her daughter they would not just "get rid" of the horse, that she didn't believe horses were disposable commodities. It wasn't long at all before the daughter wanted to get the "fun" out of riding again - her mother started slow, didn't push her to show or compete, and just let her trail ride, and soon the daughter was back into riding full force.


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## SmoothTrails (Oct 1, 2009)

I agree with the above advice. I am younger, and my litte sister went through this. Your daughter may or may not get back into horses, but if you push her it is more likley she will not. Allow her to just "play" with the horses grooming and grazing kind of things. If there is another horse she is more comfortable on you may even give her the option of just poking around some. 

My sister quit riding for about 5 years, and then she decided to get back into it. When she quit I took on riding her pony until we sold him, but she knew that if she wanted to ride she was wecome to borrow anybody else's horse. 

I on the other hand had a bad fall when I was 12. It included ambulance in the pasture, splint for a fracture on my arm, nice concussion, and some major fear of my favorite horse on earth. (even though if was COMPLETELY my fault) I took a break from him for about 3 months. I rode my dad's laid back horse and he rode mine to keep him in shape. Part of the break was because my family (not my dad but the rest of the extended family) fueled my fear, and I was terrified that as soon as I got back on my horse would blow up since I didn't get back on.

I woudl just give her some time. Don't push her, and she will either come back to it or not on her own.


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

dressagebelle said:


> I am working on starting an Arabian mare, and first time on her, she spooked at a cat, and I jumped off her. Honestly I am very nervous now when I get on her, as she is a high strung horse, and because she always looks at everything, I tense up when I'm on her, and her being an extremely green horse, she gets upset about that which of course makes me even more tense. What one of the other girls at the barn does when she's leading my horse around while I'm on her, is talk about anything and everything just to get my mind off the horse and being nervous.


I realize that this is off topic for a moment, but you are not doing your horse much good if you are afraid of riding her. Whether you realize it or not, what you are doing is transferring your fear and discomfort to her. I'm sure you mean well but you are creating a nervous horse. You need to step back and let someone else take over the training. It isn't much good for your confidence either. If a horse spooks and you bail, that is teaching your horse the wrong thing.

(Sorry to hijack the thread but i felt it needed to be said).


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## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

Thanks for answering so quickly! Luckily my daughter would groom, muck stalls, do anything at the barn anytime! She loves to walk him around..play with the big ball with him .. it is just the riding that is an issue right now  She reads to him, plays her ipod with him and just in general loves to spend time with him .. I am just not sure how to build her confidence back up .. without pushing too hard. Unfortunately there isn't a "barn babysitter horse" that she could ride to get her confidence back up. I think I will have her work on her ground skills with him .. work on showmanship and just in general spend time being with him... I just didn't know if the time out of the saddle will make the issue harder to resolve when and if she is ready to ride again .. any thoughts?


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## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

Thanks for the quick reply and the welcome! I definitely walk a fine line between whether this is my passion or hers .. She loves to groom the horses, plays with them and is always asking for more barn time. Right now it is just the "riding" issue  I don't know if her fear will grow with time out of the saddle .. or settle down? Just so hard to tell! Thanks again for the welcome  




iridehorses said:


> Welcome to the forum!
> 
> When my kids were younger, I bought them pony after pony and they rode well. In truth, they didn't like it at all but did it because it was my passion. The more I pushed, the more they resisted and now could care less if there was a horse on the property or not.
> 
> ...


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## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

Thanks so much for the advise! I think she would love the obstacles idea! She will brush him for hours, tell him all of her secrets and all the while she is just as relaxed as can be. But once she gets into that saddle .. the fear takes over. Thanks again for the ideas! She recently lost her riding buddy (who moved away) so I am sure that is playing into it too! Thanks again!



dressagebelle said:


> Is there maybe another lesson horse at the barn who is very calm and quiet, and will ignore her being uptight? My suggestion is to make it fun again, in a way that clicks with your daughter. I don't know what she is into, but maybe a trail course in the arena, walking over a bridge, turning in a small circle in a "box" made up of jump poles, opening and closing a fake gate, we used two standards with a piece of rope, and the rope is what we moved. We also had a mailbox that we opened and closed. Stuff like that with hidden rewards in the mailbox maybe. I am working on starting an Arabian mare, and first time on her, she spooked at a cat, and I jumped off her. Honestly I am very nervous now when I get on her, as she is a high strung horse, and because she always looks at everything, I tense up when I'm on her, and her being an extremely green horse, she gets upset about that which of course makes me even more tense. What one of the other girls at the barn does when she's leading my horse around while I'm on her, is talk about anything and everything just to get my mind off the horse and being nervous. Works pretty well for me. Anything you do will take a while to have an effect, but I'd see if she's open to possibly just walking around the arena playing around with obstacles, whether on her horse, or a lesson horse that she trusts, and give it a few weeks. Maybe have a trainer talk to her as well, let her know that she's not alone in being scared to work the horse again. If after a few weeks she still wants to give it up, then I would back off. Maybe lease the horse out for a bit, just in case she changes her mind, or she ends up realizing that she misses going out to the barn. At the very least, she can still go out and groom him, and spend some time on the ground with him. Sorry for the really long post lol. Hope it all works out.


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## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

Thanks for your quick reply! WOW! What a great idea LOL I think that could be a great motivator! I have tried to explain to her some of the same things .. but not to that extent! Thanks again 






Indyhorse said:


> So far this isn't something I have had to deal with myself, my son has taken a few falls but it hasn't put him off. But a good friend of mine went through it last year. Her daughter (9 years old) had taken a bad fall and wanted "out". She told her daughter it was fine if she didn't want to ride any more and she wouldn't make her, but she told her daughter that she had bought and owned a horse and was therefore committed to the horse. She made her daughter take on the responsibility of all the daily chores of the horse, including feeding, grooming, and stall cleaning. When her daughter complained about the work her mother reminded her that the "payment" for all this work was getting to ride, that was what made owning a horse worth it, and sympathized with her that when you just have to do all the work and not get any of the riding, that owning a horse wasn't as much fun. But she kept telling her daughter they would not just "get rid" of the horse, that she didn't believe horses were disposable commodities. It wasn't long at all before the daughter wanted to get the "fun" out of riding again - her mother started slow, didn't push her to show or compete, and just let her trail ride, and soon the daughter was back into riding full force.


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## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

That is my biggest fear .. pushing her too much and actually causing her to walk away from it for good  I know she enjoys it so much .. owning a horse has really increased her sense of self, her confidence has really blossomed .. it is just so hard to sit with my hands tied  But patience was never my strong suit! Guess that's why God keeps give me the lesson over and over again LOL Thanks again!






SmoothTrails said:


> I agree with the above advice. I am younger, and my litte sister went through this. Your daughter may or may not get back into horses, but if you push her it is more likley she will not. Allow her to just "play" with the horses grooming and grazing kind of things. If there is another horse she is more comfortable on you may even give her the option of just poking around some.
> 
> My sister quit riding for about 5 years, and then she decided to get back into it. When she quit I took on riding her pony until we sold him, but she knew that if she wanted to ride she was wecome to borrow anybody else's horse.
> 
> ...


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

If she is still interested in the barn work but not the riding, I would just let her come around on her own. At the very least, you have help and a companion at the barn. If she comes around, it will be her choice and that would be great.


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## Lovemykids (Feb 3, 2010)

XXX my fingers that my spring she will be feeling more confident and be ready to ride again! Until then we will just let her take it at her speed.. Thanks for the advise.




iridehorses said:


> If she is still interested in the barn work but not the riding, I would just let her come around on her own. At the very least, you have help and a companion at the barn. If she comes around, it will be her choice and that would be great.


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## charlicata (Jan 12, 2010)

Just give her some time. If she still loves spending time with the horse, playing with him and such, more than likely she'll come around. I know how it is to be nervous, and to be afraid of something that has previously hurt me. Luckily in my case, it never came from coming off of a horse. I've come off PLENTY of times, broken arm; broken leg; and this last time, back in May, 5 broken ribs, collapsed lung, partially collapsed other lung, punctured liver, and a small piece broken off of my spine. After 1 day in the ICU, and 9 more days in the hospital, when the doctor was talking about maybe having to send me home with an oxygen tank, I made the joke that I needed one for a back pack. When asked why, I told him that I needed a way to carry it while riding the horse. Within a month after getting out of the hospital, I was back on my horse doing a very careful walk with my husband and mother-in-law right beside me all the way. The Halflinger that threw me went back to her owner (I was trying her out for my mother-in-law) before I even got a chance to get back on her...thanks to my hubby. 

My daughter on the other hand is a totally different story. She fell off when she was 8. She's been on one horse since then. When she comes to visit, she doesn't even want to go to the barn with me to feed...much less get on the horse.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

What your daughter needs now is time to come to terms with her fear.

She still loves being in the barn and around her horse, so that's good.

But you, as the mom, need to step back and let her take her time deciding what she wants to do. 

Riding isn't always the end-all be-all for everybody. Some folks just like having horses around, and never ride them.

I took a bad fall almost 3 years ago. Broken ribs, clavicle, bad concussion. I wasn't merely afraid to ride, I was _terrified._ 

I spent 8 months just taking care of my horses, and finally decided that not riding was worse than the fear of getting hurt again.

THAT'S where your daughter needs to be mentally and emotionally before she's ready to climb back on again.

Leave her alone and let her work this out on her own. You're not helping her by pushing her to get back in the saddle when she's not ready.


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## farmpony84 (Apr 21, 2008)

I didn't read everyones responses. My thoughts on this are she needs to fall off again! LOL. Fear is a really strong emotion that can be very controlling. The hardest thing is going to be for you not to loose YOUR cool while she's being insecure.

Let her work it out. I probably wouldn't let her quit all together just yet beause she might only need a little push in the right direction but if she needs to go back to the leadline or to the basics for a while... I'd let her.


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## Horsel02 (Jan 6, 2010)

I am not sure what you think of this because I have never really had a fear issue with horses. I have fortunately not been seriously hurt but my sister had to learn to walk and talk again because of a head injury when we were 5 (we are twins), she stills rides on occation but not as much as before. But have you ever considered letting your daughter do groundwork with the horse to become more confident around it. The horse will become much respectful and it might help your daughter overcome her fear.


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## snazzydandy (Jan 7, 2010)

Time... I am 45 rode all the time up until about 8 years ago.. quit... started back riding in 08 late in the fall... got dumped( nasty fall all my fault not the horses..) I am just now getting my nerve back.. give her some time.. if she has the passion for horses she will start when she is ready..


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## kevinshorses (Aug 15, 2009)

I think that your daughters worst enemy as far as getting her confidence back is any non-competitive riding. If all your doing is letting her walk around an arena then all she needs to think about is falling off. Ride wtih her and try to find something fun to do that will make her want to go faster to win. It doesn't have to be organized or with more than two people. If you have a race around the arena to see who can get thier horse to walk faster or play tag or one of you can pretend to be a cow and other can "cut" you. If you make it fun and competitive most peoples drive will overcome thier fear and before you know it she will be loping circle around you. do anything that will make her forget about the horse under her and ride.


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## ~*~anebel~*~ (Aug 21, 2008)

Let her do what she wants. Really, the more you push the more stress/anxiety/etc.. you are creating.
I know a girl who is absolutely passionate about riding and has the ability to do it. She hit a rough patch and took two months off, put her big fancy horse in a field and just walked away. Now she is back, way more motivated and sees things from a clearer point of view.
I find in my riding if I get frustrated the best thing I can do for me and my horse is to take a few days off, focus on school and I'll come back into it with a way better attitude. 
I think the same goes for everyone. She just needs to chill out and re-focus.


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## Draftgirl17 (Dec 26, 2009)

I can honestly say i was just like your daughter. I fell off my big haflinger gelding and then i made every excuse in the book when my mom was like you need to ride if you want to do it at the local shows and what not. Then when it got closer to our one local fair i realized i wanted to ride again but was scared still but then when i got to the show and everyone was like "awh why are you riding?" and by the end of the week the two girls there were like YOU ARE RIDING and my dad lead our haffie mare around while i rode at just a walk and it made me rediscover my love and want for it. I'm not so sure you should push the issue but let her come back into it in her own time perhaps? I definately think taking it slow would help. I hope she does get back into it though because it would really be horrible if she stopped completely. Keep us updated! But def. let her know she's not the only one out there and even someone who's gone through the same thing as she did : D


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## FlitterBug (May 28, 2009)

I liked what Kevin had to say. I grew up in a very active family. My dad was always the kinda guy to throw a kid in the water and say "learn how to swim". I was swimming at 3 months, my brother at 5 months. I was dirtbiking by age 5, slalom skiing (water) by age 7. If we ever showed fear, we had to hit it head on and get through it, with his help of course. Shoot, I can remember skidding across the water on my face thinking "dad said not to let go of the rope!". Is it the most common form of parenting, no, and many experts would probably disagree, but my brother and I both learned that the only way to make fear go away is to do whatever it is that you are afraid of.

Riding was my passion (and still is), but not my families. But of course they were supportive. My dad and I worked at my trainers house every weekend in exchange for me leasing a horse. I was 13 when I rode a qh mare named Mom. Mom had chucked me into jumps multiple times, and fear was starting to take over. The jumps started getting lower, I became more tense and more fearful. One day, dad came out to watch me ride. By the time that ride was over, my face was soaked in tears and that mare was going over every jump in the arena without a glitch. Fear wasn't an excuse. He wasn't a horseman, but he also wasn't going to let his daughter back out of something that he knew she was capable of. It wasn't long after that that I started working with problem horses.

Was it a risk, yes, but if the passion that I had wasn't strong enough, I wouldn't have stayed in horses anyway. His confidence and faith in me is what made me know that I could ride that horse through anything, if he had backed off, then I would have known that there was reason to be afraid.

I'm not saying to scare the stuff out of your daughter to eliminate her fear, but I am saying that you have to challenge her, like Kevin said. For me, I could walk, trot, and canter all day long, but those jumps terrified me, so that was the line he pushed. Find her line and push it just a little bit each time. Make her believe in herself and that horse. If her line is getting on the horse, that is what you work on. It just has enough to keep challenging and keep building confidence. It has to be something to keep her wanting more. If she has lost interest after one fall, then the true interest was never there to begin with, and I would encourage her to pursue her dreams instead of yours. Lack of interest is a reason to quit. Fear is a reason to learn and try.


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## Mira (Aug 4, 2008)

I've gone through my own times of being afraid to ride. My advice to you and your daughter: just do it.
If she honestly lost interest in riding/horses, I would not support you "forcing" her to do it, but in this case, because her reason for not wanting to ride is fear, I really suggest making her, and here is why:

Last year, I fell off at a show. First time I'd ever fallen off at a show, and at the end of my class at that. Long story short, three horses came thundering up behind me in a huntseat eq. class, my horse panicked at the horses being _right_ on his butt and took off. Made it half way around the ring, lost a stirrup, he swerved and I kept going straight. He's not "unsafe", it was a freak accident. Had it been one horse we'd have been just fine, but he had one coming on the outside, one right behind him, and one on the inside, all thundering away and his five year old mind lost it.
I didn't get hurt - I actually stood up laughing - but after I rode him around in the warm-up pen and then put him back in his stall... I lost it. I was absolutely terrified to ride anywhere near another horse.
Later that day, I got back on and went in my western horsemanship class. I was a nervous wreck, constantly looking _behind_ me on the rail and telling people not to run up on me. I paid absolutely no attention to the fact that I was showing. We started loping one way and my horse "scooted" as a horse passed us. I was so scared I started crying and began walking to the middle, the judge watching me. My trainer was furious and happened to be standing on the fence by me and told me I had better get back on that rail and I sure did. Amazingly, out of 10-11 horses, I got 5th.
After that class, my trainer hauled me out behind a trailer and yelled at me. Made me cry more, blah blah blah. He told me to stop messing up my horse, to get out there, do what I'm supposed to do and just leave my horse alone so he could do his job. Next class (western pleasure) I did just that. We got 2nd.

My point is, your daughter can't let this fear stop her from riding her horse. What happened was an accident and she needs to understand that her horse was not doing anything to try and hurt her. If you allow this to stop her, you will be making the problem much bigger than it is. Make her ride. Have her do things she's typically comfortable with and try to keep her mind working so that she can't just sit up there and freak out. Make her focus on something.


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## sdunne86 (Apr 12, 2010)

I am also having a issue with my 5 year old daughter.she has grown up on the back of a horse as we have a pony.she has always loved it and could not wait till her 5th birthday so she would be old enough for lessons at the local riding school. she has been going there since september and loved it and had progressed greatly to cantering and very small jumps. a few weeks ago on her lesson she did not want to canter as she was on a pony with a very bouncy canter yet her instructor ignored her and made the pony canter. since then she has got very nervous and freaks out when on the back of a pony yet she still wants to ride just the fear takes over when on the back of the pony. Does anyone have any ideas how I can help her get over her fear. She has also fallen off a few times but got straight back up and wasnt that phased by falling


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## xxBarry Godden (Jul 17, 2009)

My advice would be for you to meet with a psychologist. To help your daughter you must understand her problem. The fundamental issue is that her fear, over which she probably has little control brings tension, rigidity, anger and eventually panic - all of which are lethal when riding horses. Let the psycho explain.

The loss of the relationship with the horse and the associated lifestyle may eventually persuade her to ride again. But only time will tell.

Give her sufficient time and lots of understanding. An awful lot of riders experience this sort of problem in their riding lives and many never recover.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

sdunne86 said:


> . a few weeks ago on her lesson she did not want to canter as she was on a pony with a very bouncy canter yet her instructor ignored her and made the pony canter. since then she has got very nervous and freaks out when on the back of a pony yet she still wants to ride just the fear takes over when on the back of the pony. Does anyone have any ideas how I can help her get over her fear. She has also fallen off a few times but got straight back up and wasnt that phased by falling


I'd start by getting a new instructor and put her back on a lunge line for a lesson or two. My 8yr old fell off back in Dec. (horse had a stroke and hadn't given any indication until she got on) and although she was more than willing to hop on, she was cautious and very nervous. I just found her a new instructor this week and it was great. Put her on a lunge line and very, very slowly got her walking and trotting while talking to her the entire time. She didn't canter this week (would have been too much all at once for her) but she'll get there and just to see her happily walking/trotting without a death grip on the bucking strap and forgetting to be nervous was great!


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## sdunne86 (Apr 12, 2010)

Thank you for your comments they are all very helpfull. Over the past week she has had one on one lessons and although only walking with maybe a short trot she has begun to enjoy it again and is laughing rather then having a small panic attack! hopefully if we keep taking baby steps she will be back to where she was in no time.


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## kjs1redman (Apr 2, 2010)

When I was 6 I got thrown off my horse and it mad me more mad than scared so I got back on and rode again, 5 mins later a dog came out barkin and spooked my horse again, I fell. Then I got scared. my daddy reminded me that it was my horse and he looked up to me for love, carein, shelter, and most of all safty. So after a week I put the saddle on him and got on and rode him. . . every time he would act like he was gonna spook I'd stop him, git off and walk him by or over what he was gettin spooked by and not only did it build his confidence but it built mine as well.

hope this help


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## RoadRider / Rios Dad (Jul 2, 2009)

Why does someone have to ride?? My wife doesn't ride, my son doesn't either. In fact most of the people I know don't ride.
Riding is a hobby. It is done for fun. If someone doesn't find it fun why push them.
Horses cost money, smell bad, can hurt you, dangerous,,did I mention costly???

If my daughter didn't want to ride don't force her. there are lots of other things in life.
I don't golf, tried it many times but doesn't interest me in the least? Is my life going to suffer because of it???

give the kid a break to decide for herself what she wants out of life.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

I don't think anyone is trying to force their child to ride.

In my case, I had a kid that WANTED to ride but was scared to do so. As her mother, I know what she wants... every picture she brings home from school has her on a horse, every books she checks out at the library... are about horses, first thing she shows all her new friends is all her horse stuff (particularly her new saddle that she is now terrified to ride in).

Monday, I told her that if her homework was done, I'd take her with me yesterday when I was riding. She talked about nothing else for two days, except going with Mommy, feeding Mommy's horse, brushing Mommy's horse, can Mommy's horse wear the purple polo wraps? Can she ride Mommy's horse? Arrived and she brushed my horse, she shoveled corrals with me, watched me ride, set up obstacle courses for me, fed the resident pasture ornament more treats than a horse should probably eat and then when I got off and told her to hop up and walk my horse out, she freaked. Wasn't that she didn't want to, she was scared because my horse was "big" and had an English saddle on (she's ok in a Western right now, terrified of English saddles because that's what she fell in).

I got her up there, took some effort but once she was up there and had a person on each side of her walking along, she was fine. I KNOW my kid and I know that the minute something seems difficult she gives up. She needed to get up there and face her fears instead of giving up immediately. If she gets up there a few more times and decides she doesn't want to any more, that's fine. I'm not going to force her to do something she hates but I'm not going to let her give up on everything just because it got difficult.


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## sdunne86 (Apr 12, 2010)

RiosDad said:


> give the kid a break to decide for herself what she wants out of life.


I am definately not forcing my daughter to ride it is her who always wants to ride and play with the horses if she wanted to stop it would not be an issue. What I was asking was had anyone any idea on how to get her past her fear as she wants to ride. She was only at a cross country event the other day and was planning the big jumps she was going to do when she gets her own pony! It was me telling her then she cudnt do it not forcing her to try!


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## AlmostThere (Oct 31, 2009)

To answer sdunne86, not the OP:



Delfina said:


> I'd start by getting a new instructor and put her back on a lunge line for a lesson or two.


:clap:



sdunne86 said:


> I am also having a issue with my 5 year old daughter. A few weeks ago on her lesson she did not want to canter as she was on a pony with a very bouncy canter yet her instructor ignored her and made the pony canter. since then she has got very nervous and freaks out when on the back of a pony yet she still wants to ride just the fear takes over when on the back of the pony. Does anyone have any ideas how I can help her get over her fear. She has also fallen off a few times but got straight back up and wasnt that phased by falling


It sounds like your daughter may have lost faith in her instructor, rather than just being afraid of her pony. She needs to trust the instructor to listen to her, _especially_, if your daughter did what the instructor wanted against your daughter's better judgment and something scary happened.

Delfina may be right, that a new instructor may help your daughter feel more secure and get past her fears. 

Good luck!

OP: it's been a couple of months, how is your daughter doing now?


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## Carleen (Jun 19, 2009)

I am not sure if something along these lines has been said or not, but I don't have the energy to read through 4 pages right now lol. 

My thoughts on your original post:
I went through something similar. I had my own horse, and had a few big spills off of him and completely lost confidence and we ended up giving him away because I just couldn't bring myself to ride him enough, especially not confidently. I ended up taking a year or so off of riding completely (because of school), and during that time I matured and realized that my fear was just stopping me from doing what I enjoy. Since you said your daughter still enjoys being around the horse and barn, I'd say she still has the passion but maybe she just needs some time away from the sport to get herself back into a wanting to do it mindset, instead of being forced to. Not saying you are forcing her, either, some people will force themselves to do things that scare them because they know that deep inside they do want to do it, they just can't get past the fear.

I hope you get her back into what she likes to do, and if she decides she doesn't want to ride at all anymore then I hope she finds something wonderful that she likes to do!


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## sdunne86 (Apr 12, 2010)

Thanks for the help! got a new instructor and back on lunge for a lesson or two and already the difference is fantastic! she is having fun and playing again! Here is a photo of her the other day riding with her granda and messing which was great to see as she was totally relaxed on the ponys back again!


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## speedy da fish (May 7, 2009)

I saw an ad in the paper last night, a 14.1hh pony for sale, 'daughter lost interest'- i thought this was so sad , if only i had room for another horse. 
I think waiting untill she is ready to get back on is a good idea, you dont want to put her off for good by being pushy, like you said. Maybe get her some lessons? This way she will be riding different horses to the one she fell off and maybe she will get her confidence back enough to get back up on her own horse.

*reading the last post, it is fantastic that she is back on a pony again


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## goinginstyle (Sep 2, 2009)

When I was very little the book “Good Luck Pony” by Elizabeth Koda-Callan really helped me build my confidence back after a bad fall.


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## Brianna6432 (Jan 25, 2010)

Does she still love horses or is she completely terrified of them? She obviously isn't ready for even getting back on the horse yet so just have her groom the horse and walk him on a lead rope until she's ready. And in the meantime ride the horse so she sees he's not dangerous. I also noticed horse movies make a child want to ride a horse more. 
The only way to overcome fear is to face it, but that's her choice for when she's ready... I wouldn't suggest forcing her to ride just yet.

EDIT: Just noticed your last post where your daughter is riding again. Glad it all worked out!


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## Carleen (Jun 19, 2009)

That photo is great to see! She looks like she's having fun, and her pony is ADORABLE!


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## Jordan S (Jun 7, 2009)

I almost quit when I was around 9 as well. The horse I was used to riding, named Rosie was retired to the pasture. And after that I refused to canter for a year or I* ALWAYS asked the trainer how smooth the horse's canter was before I took one canter step and I dreaded every lesson and jumped up in down inside when it rained or something came up*. I am SO glad I stuck with it. Now at 15 and I'm fully committed, and ready to buy a horse and advance even more.


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