# Embarrassed in restaurant



## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

Annoying. Unfortunately some do not appreciate that others do not want to be involved in their beliefs. It's a shame really that people can be so close minded and forceful, but all you can do is ignore it.

I hate religion being pushed on other people. I very much moved to the wrong country as my DD has to be involved with the catholic church to go to school. I feel it is a personal choice, and it is one of my "irks" about staying in this country.


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

.

Did you know your neighbors were Religious?

Have you ever been to their House and they prayed before a meal?

Sorry, but if you knew they were Religious and it offends you then maybe you should have declined the invitation to eat with them.

An estimated 80% of the people in the World believe in some kind of Religion and over half of those pray over a meal.

If you or the waitress are not religious ignore them and go on with your life.

To say they are arrogant for following there faith is beyond belief :-(

.


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

Maple said:


> I hate religion being pushed on other people.


Pushed? Did they say anyone must join in the Prayer?, did they put a gun to your head to be quiet while they prayed?

Ignore it, just like the guy on the street corner handing out pamphlets, ignore them.

If someone has a beer in a group setting and someone does not drink, does that make the drinker pushy?

If someone talks about a soccer game in a group setting and one of the people there hates soccer, is the person who talks about Soccer pushy?

I find Intolerance of other people worse than being pushy or arrogant :wink:


.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

As a server, I think it is a little strange for people to pray in restaurants. ESPECIALLY when we are still at the table. Like... really? What are we supposed to do while all the tables around you stare? Should we leave? Should we stop serving you food? Should we stand there awkwardly and wait for your to finish? It's kind of disrespectful...


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## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Since they took you out for your birthday I don't know that you can say too much about it. Just decline the invitation if it was something you don't want to go through next time! I was taken to lunch with a friend and her parents to Olive Garden before the girl and I were to catch a plane, and the three of them prayed beforehand. I had no idea that the girl was religious. Bless the food, bless us, the staff, the trip that we were about to take, the like. It was a bit uncomfortable for me as I was just sitting there, but they weren't loud about it and didn't ask me to participate. They also paid for my meal at the end, which they were in no way obligated to do! 

Now, if they were overly loud about it, pushed you or the waitress to actively participate, judged you for not participating, or made a scene about it then I could see why embarrassment could definitely be warranted. I don't see how just saying a food prayer in your presence is being arrogant, but I HAVE seen times when it definitely can be.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Here's the thing. My father was a fully ordained, highly educated United Church minister. There is no way ever would he have made a public spectacle of his beliefs. As kids, he told us that if we wanted to pray, or say grace, it would be fine to do it in the car before we went in. In the Bible, Jesus says to closet your beliefs - to keep it to yourself. They forget about that passage. Praying over food had it's origins in the Jewish faith many centuries ago. The food was sold in open air markets and a Rabbi would inspect then bless the meat which meant it was safe to eat. Somehow it's at every meal and few are Jewish. As for dining with these folks again, no I won't be. I don't like all the attention their praying attracts, the dirty looks from both staff and patrons. And yes, when talking quietly to the waitress, I was reminded to hush, that they were praying.


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

If anyone was rude it was the patrons giving dirty looks! 

Look away, go hide, simply ignore it if it's soooo offensive. Sheesh. Would you have thought the same way if they were Jewish? Or if a Muslim prayed at noon? probably not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoebox (Apr 18, 2012)

Wow. I mean, I am not religious either. But to say it's disrespectful for a group of Christians to quietly pray at a table before dinner? My dad and stepmother do it too. Why is it such a big deal? Who cares if they get looks? They are respecting your right NOT to pray, and you should respect their right to do so. 

Were they asking and pushing you to join in, or the waitress, or being unruly loud about it - then it's a bit disrespectful. But can't you just give them a minute to do a quiet prayer when it obviously is important to them? It seems that, unless I'm missing something, they WERE keeping it to themselves. 

I see you've already decided not to dine with them again - so I won't go into the "if you don't like it don't go" bit I would have otherwise. But I have seen many other things I would consider offensive - the situation you were describing certainly does not fit the category! :lol:


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

It would embarrass me, in fact if I knew someone was going to be praying in a restaurant with me at the table, I would leave or decline the invite. But I think in all reality, no one else really cared.


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## Tack Collector (Nov 10, 2009)

Patrons should have waited until the wait staff had placed all of the food on the table, then pray after the wait staff are on their way. I'd call it impolite to hold up restaurant employees. If the parents can't hold their kids off the food that long, then as we say in the horse biz, that's due to a lack of training. LOL


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## FlyGap (Sep 25, 2011)

You know... You can always tell who's your TRUE friend (or loving neighbor) when they love you and respect you despite your actions and differences.

One time DH and I went out with some good friends to a show. I had taken a new medication earlier that day and completely forgot. They reacted with my two drinks and I grew horns.
Later that evening we all stopped in at a sandwich joint before heading home.
I was out of my mind and when my friend blew her straw wrapper at me, I became demented...
I chucked my sandwich CLEAR across the restaurant and started growling!

DH was mortified, but my friends to this day laughingly bring it up every time we go out. We STILL go out.

So a tiny little prayer is really nothing to be embarrassed about, really.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

Tack Collector said:


> Patrons should have waited until the wait staff had placed all of the food on the table, then pray after the wait staff are on their way. I'd call it impolite to hold up restaurant employees. If the parents can't hold their kids off the food that long, then as we say in the horse biz, that's due to a lack of training. LOL


exactly,I pray at restaurants but never would I even consider beginning while food was still being placed on the table. The waiter was other things to do, other tables to serve to essentially trap them at my table would be so rude and disrespectful.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Living in a village with only a few restaurants, the staff dread these people coming in. The staff is courteous but there's always the hope they will go to the other restaurant. It's not a quick prayer, it's a dissertation.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Samstead, do you pray aloud like these people, or just have what appears to others as a few moments of silence?


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## horsedream568 (Nov 29, 2013)

My family always prays at restaurants. We do wait for the server to finish setting our food. But I agree with shoebox, you should respect there right to pray. They did not force you to participate. It's sad that you say the places in town hope they dine elsewhere just because they pray. I would think this is a common thing that happens at restaurants. The server however should get use too people it. Especially if she continues working there.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I would have ignored it and tucked in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Le007 (Jan 7, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> Here's the thing. My father was a fully ordained, highly educated United Church minister. There is no way ever would he have made a public spectacle of his beliefs. As kids, he told us that if we wanted to pray, or say grace, it would be fine to do it in the car before we went in. In the Bible, Jesus says to closet your beliefs - to keep it to yourself. They forget about that passage. Praying over food had it's origins in the Jewish faith many centuries ago. The food was sold in open air markets and a Rabbi would inspect then bless the meat which meant it was safe to eat. Somehow it's at every meal and few are Jewish. As for dining with these folks again, no I won't be. I don't like all the attention their praying attracts, the dirty looks from both staff and patrons. And yes, when talking quietly to the waitress, I was reminded to hush, that they were praying.



I'd like to see the Biblical reference where Jesus says to 'closet your beliefs'? That's a new one on me. 

As for the OP it doesn't seem your neighbors were being arrogant any more than I would think you were being arrogant 'not' participating in the prayer. 

As a server, I would proceed in my job according to my own beliefs. (recognizing you may not receive a tip if the patrons think you are rude) I think it is the human condition that makes us feel we should be respectful of someone's beliefs, nothing wrong with being respectful ever. I am a christian and I try to be respectful of others spiritual persuasion or the lack thereof but I don't dislike or hate anyone because they don't believe as I do.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

Good thing you don't have my job.... what they neglected to mention when hiring me is that not only is it a family business, they are highly RELIGIOUS.

Prayers over employee lunches (yes, out loud in the muddle of the Country Club), prayers over the business itself at the bi-weekly manager meeting and on and on. I am constantly reminded that God has big plans for us and on and on. 

Oh well... at least they seem to have good moral values. I had a very horrified phone call from a salesman yesterday, apparently the potential clientele he was entertaining for the day were insisting on lunch at the local strip club. Horrified salesman excused himself and called ME for help..... I have no idea what he thought I would come up with, it certainly wasn't my response of laughing my a$$ off and telling him to enjoy his lunch at the strip club, though! He apparently got them to agree to lunch at the Twin Peaks (appears to be a Hooters sort of place from their website) but was all sorts of embarrassed that *I* would be seeing the charges on his credit card!!


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## Sharpie (May 24, 2009)

Interesting, aside from not waiting until the server had delivered all the plates and was on their way, it would not occur to me that to pray before a meal was rude. And I am not Christian! I agree that it is impolite, at best, to hold your server up while other people's food gets cold, etc. 

I can't say that I've ever thought much of it when I've noticed that another table is blessing the food (or whatever you choose to call it) before eating. Them doing so is a good thing as I see it- faith is not a problem, and them doing isn't going to magically convert me or cause harm, so what's the issue? My people at my table just ignore other tables and carry on eating and conversing while those that care to do what they do at their own table continue on their merry way too. I don't see it as 'pushing their belief on me' at all. 

Now, when the military has sanctioned prayers, food blessings and the like at mandatory events (I am active duty) that DOES make me a little uncomfortable as it is always a Christian blessing and I am not Christian, but I take the moment, stand quietly, and give thanks in my own way while they do so. I can't say anyone has ever cornered me/make note of the fact that I did not/do not pray with them when they do, and so long as it stays that way, live and let live. I do not hesitate to go out to dinner (or eat at the homes) with my religious friends. Everyone has a right to their faith, even if it is different from my own.


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## Clayton Taffy (May 24, 2011)

For gosh sakes they took you out to dinner for your birthday!! Grateful much?

I think you would have a lot more important things to get your panties in a wad about.

As for the waitress... any waitress worth their salt would wait if they weren't busy and wouldn't wait if they were busy, especially if the people have been in before.
Also, I guarantee the waitress only cares if she gets a good tip.

Give me a customer that prays any day over the costumer with 3 brats eating crackers, screaming, crying and leaving a pigsty when they exit.

No contest!


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

It was actually breakfast they treated her to for her birthday. And saddlebag, if you knew these peops did this before you accepted the invitation, well what did you expect?


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

Le007 said:


> I'd like to see the Biblical reference where Jesus says to 'closet your beliefs'? That's a new one on me.


I think the OP may have that out of Context.

Jesus was not talking about praying before a meal, He was talking about an deeds (good works) you have done for others and keeping them secret... 

Mathew 6
"1  Take care not to do your good works before men, to be seen by them; or you will have no reward from your Father in heaven. 2 When then you give money to the poor, do not make a noise about it, as the false-hearted men do in the Synagogues and in the streets, so that they may have glory from men. Truly, I say to you, They have their reward. 3 But when you give money, let not your left hand see what your right hand does: 4 So that your giving may be in secret; and your Father, who sees in secret, will give you your reward. 5 And when you make your prayers, be not like the false-hearted men, who take pleasure in getting up and saying their prayers in the Synagogues and at the street turnings so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, They have their reward. *6 But when you make your prayer, go into your private room, and, shutting the door, say a prayer to your Father in secret, and your Father, who sees in secret, will give you your reward."
*
When one does a good deed he does not need to boast about it in open, what a person does in that respect needs to be kept to themselves and God.

.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I'm just wondering how praying, even out loud, makes them forcing their beliefs on you. I'd hope that you and anyone else listening aren't gullible enough to, after just HEARING something from someone, feel the compulsion to convert right then and there to whatever might be said... 

Yes its a bit rude to pray before the waitress it totally finished serving food, but to pray in public in general? Ridiculous. Its like saying you shouldn't talk in a private conversation about one football team over another in a public place because if you do, people might just be paying attention and could disagree with you. I bet if this was on any subject besides religion it wouldn't be a problem at all. If the people praying aren't disturbing the peace by yelling, chanting, doing a hokus pokus dance around the table, or sacrificing things, what is the problem? We live in 'free' countries for a reason.

If you really can get that embarrassed by a prayer, and really feel like it is going to affect you that negatively, just don't go with them again. They took you out to breakfast for your birthday though...surely you can muster up the courage to have a few onlookers listen in on you.

As for your father, that's all well and fine that he didn't want to pray in a public place, but that doesn't mean no one should. Especially if it is quiet and in your own table. It isn't like you friends stood on a chair, announced that they were going to bless everyone's food, and demanded that everyone close their eyes, bow their heads, hold hands, and shout Amen at the end. The verse you mentioned is out of context too...its actually a whole set of verses about how Christians who pray and do 'good' deeds for other people in public just so that they can hear their own voice and boast about how great they are and how kind they are for doing god things, NOT about asking blessing for food before eating. And if you think about it, with as much negative reaction as christianity gets these days from so many people, there is a slim chance your friends were praying just so everyone would see how 'holy' they were or something. 

I'll even let you in on a secret. Praying can sometimes be a bit embarrassing for us too...ESPECIALLY when we know they are people watching us and judging. But we are doing what we believe is right in thanking our God for what we have been given. I know of no Christian (or person of a different religion to be honest) who prays for food just to be ridiculed or to convert other people.


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

This thread makes me so sad. I was expecting a screaming fit in the restaurant or a tray of food dropped on your head. I am not a part of any organized religion. I am rather anti-church(not anti God, mind you). It does not bother me in the slightest bit when people pray around me, quiet or loud. I respect them by quietly observing where I will not participate. So what if I must wait a few moments before I eat. I respect them. As for the waitress, it is called customer service. I doubt the prayer was long enough to jeopardize the woman's job. These people did nothing wrong. They did nothing to harm anyone. 

I feel this video fits rather well here on the topic of respect. I wonder if this reporter was offended at this Jamaican track runner pausing her interview. She didn't sound American. Why should she have to stand quietly through the anthem. How dare he show respect to another country and force someone else to do the same. 
Usain Bolt stopped the interview to hear the U.S. anthem - YouTube
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## M123M (Apr 2, 2014)

I came from a family who went to church on Sunday as a child but we were never actually very serious about it. As children we never prayed at the table, and certainly not in a restaurant. My mom died years ago and dad has been seeing a woman for years who is religious. Now when they go to a restaurant, she and my dad bow there head and pray before a meal. They must take at least a full minute to do so and lots of times the waitress returns to the table to bring drinks or something. It is very awkward IMHO. I am not a believer so I just sit there and stare around the room while they do it and do admit to feeling a bit embarrassed. But, they always pay for the meal, so I keep it to myself.... :lol:


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## Rideordie112 (Dec 7, 2013)

This thread is insulting. 

Why judge people for showing their faith? I personally pray before my meals, I have a moment of silence to thank my god. And then I carry on with my day. 

This is exactly what I worry about, people judging. 

Yeah holding up the waitress could have been rude, but other than that; what's causing all the upset here?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

A server has no requirement to join someone's conversation or prayer, or stop serving in observance of a customer's prayer efforts. If the server were embarrassed, I am guessing it is b/c they weren't sure what the "right thing" was to do, professionally - which wouldn't seem to be the fault of the folks that started praying. To me, unless someone directly signals to a server to stop serving them, then they are suppose to continue doing what they are suppose to do. 

I was raised a devout atheist  and taught to respect other's beliefs. The religious "behavior" of friends and family (relatives) never mattered to me, and vice versa. Live and let live, it is so much more pleasant that way.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I think the thing is that the couple very abruptly, without word or warning, decided to pray RIGHT THEN when food was being served, putting the waitress in an awkward situation and their companion in one too.

They could have waited 30 seconds until the server had walked away. They could have told the OP, "Hey we are going to give a quick prayer". But no, they were so adamant about their prayer that they just ignored everyone else and prayed.

On a more personal note..
Most people I know that pray at meals also get offended if you don't stop what you're doing and give a moment of silence or join in the prayer. Not everyone prays - to their god or any god - and to expect someone to sit in quiet observance of your (general you) religion and completely disregard their beliefs, is kind of rude, IMO. It really makes for awkward moments at work and at my in-laws when I don't want to hold hands and bow my head to a deity I don't believe in, and even more awkward to know that if I professed my true feelings, and offered words of my own I would also again be considered a provocateur.

If you want to pray, then go ahead and pray. However, just as you (general you) expect people to tolerate your prayer, tolerate other prayers to other deities and also tolerate those who simply don't pray at all and carry on with their meal.


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## beverleyy (Oct 26, 2011)

I fail to see how this would jeopardize the waitress doing her job? She has no obligation to stand there and pray with them, that's not her job, continue serving.

I also don't see how your two hosts - who were kind enough to take you to eat - were forcing their religion on you by simply praying before they ate? Did they tell you you needed to pray as well? I am going to guess no.

I'm not religious, but I am also not NOT religious. I grew up going to church and Sunday school and youth groups. My dad's side of the family is fairly religious. My mum's is not - though they have absolutely no problem with religion and don't judge those who are religious. I chose not to pray before meals. I regularly go out to restaurants with my religious side of the family. They all pray before they eat, in public or not. Rarely, I will join, but most of the time I sit there quietly/or start my dinner. This doesn't bother them or me.

My boyfriends family is religious (more cultural, they are aboriginal/african american). They do not pray at meals, but other times of day. My boyfriend is not entirely into their religion, though he does pray silently when he feels it's needed. I am the same way. 


My apologies for the ramble, but I do feel that it is completely ignorant of anyone to say it's wrong or interfering with others for one to simply pray before they eat. That's their choice, let them do that.


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## DuckDodgers (May 28, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> Living in a village with only a few restaurants, the staff dread these people coming in. The staff is courteous but there's always the hope they will go to the other restaurant. It's not a quick prayer, it's a dissertation.


If that's the case, then I don't know why you accepted the invitation in the first place... should have seen it coming!



Saddlebag said:


> Here's the thing. My father was a fully ordained, highly educated United Church minister. There is no way ever would he have made a public spectacle of his beliefs. As kids, he told us that if we wanted to pray, or say grace, it would be fine to do it in the car before we went in. In the Bible, Jesus says to closet your beliefs - to keep it to yourself. They forget about that passage. Praying over food had it's origins in the Jewish faith many centuries ago. The food was sold in open air markets and a Rabbi would inspect then bless the meat which meant it was safe to eat. Somehow it's at every meal and few are Jewish. As for dining with these folks again, no I won't be. I don't like all the attention their praying attracts, the dirty looks from both staff and patrons. And yes, when talking quietly to the waitress, I was reminded to hush, that they were praying.


My grandfather was a preacher as well. He respected everyone's beliefs, and prayed when he saw fit. They could have waited 30 seconds to respect your beliefs, you could have waited 30 seconds to respect theirs. There are two sides to the coin. Just because YOU don't interpret the bible as to say that prayers should be said before meals and/or in public doesn't mean that other people disagree. That said, I can think of some occasions when this would make me uncomfortable, so I can't comment too much. I just don't see the issue at all.


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## alexischristina (Jun 30, 2009)

What's pushy is someone coming into your work and handing you a bible because you 'look like a nice girl' and they 'really hope you can learn to love jesus and be saved'. I don't think praying over their meal constitutes pushy, and I have a suspicion that embarrassment comes from ignorance. I'm not religious at all, I was as a child and then decided it wasn't 'for' me and for a little I went through a religion-hating phase, where I was embarrassed by the beliefs of my family and thought everyone was 'preachy'. I've since learned the difference between someone who IS pushy and someone who is privately practising their religion. Maybe it's time to become a little more open minded?


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

How does embarrassment = ignorance? That doesn't make any sense at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## plomme (Feb 7, 2013)

I'm atheist (like Missy May, I was raised this way, even to an extreme) and I don't see why this is an issue or what's embarrassing about it. Some people believe in god, some people pray before meals, there's nothing wrong with that at all. I can't imagine judging anyone for practicing their faith by praying before eating, whether in public or private.


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## Chokolate (Nov 24, 2012)

I also have no problem with it...they are not forcing you to pray, they are not forcing you to even be quiet. They are simply praying for themselves, following their beliefs. Especially since you knew they would, why did you accept if it was going to annoy you so much?


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## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

SouthernTrails said:


> Pushed? Did they say anyone must join in the Prayer?, did they put a gun to your head to be quiet while they prayed?
> 
> Ignore it, just like the guy on the street corner handing out pamphlets, ignore them.
> 
> ...


I missed the part where I said that the people involved had pushed religion? I was starting another paragraph, and in fairness heading off on a tangent. 

To be fair, I can't imagine there would have been an issue if the event had been a simple prayer before a meal. The OP obviously felt that the couple involved had been a bit OTT, to the degree that they felt uncomfortable. 



DancingArabian said:


> I think the thing is that the couple very abruptly, without word or warning, decided to pray RIGHT THEN when food was being served, putting the waitress in an awkward situation and their companion in one too.
> 
> They could have waited 30 seconds until the server had walked away. They could have told the OP, "Hey we are going to give a quick prayer". But no, they were so adamant about their prayer that they just ignored everyone else and prayed.
> 
> ...


Agree 100% DancingArabian, you couldn't have said it better.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

The polite thing for your hosts to do would have been to wait until the food was served and on the table and then pray. 
I would not feel embarrassed if I were in a place and someone prayed before eating.


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## EquineObsessed (May 24, 2013)

I also agree that waiting would have been more polite, but there is nothing pushy about publically practicing your own beliefs. In a way, you also practiced your beliefs by not praying. I hope they didn't write anything up about how embarrassed they were to go out in public with someone who doesn't pray.

I always give thanks, though not aloud and not when a server is standing there. I don't think I've ever caused discomfort to anybody by doing so. It was uncomfortable at times when I was trying to say a short prayer at school lunchtime, but I only ever had one person say anything, and it wasn't out of embarrassment, it was simply ridicule. My atheist friend stood up for me and said that they respected my beliefs and basically to back off. I like that such friendships can exist- mutual respect for the beliefs of others whether they are Christian, atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, or Keebler Elf. It really doesn't matter, if that respect is in place.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

The waitress brought their food and had addressed me about wanting something in particular. Without notice of any sort, the couple began praying as I was speaking with the waitress. Before either of us realized this and could stop talking, the missus grabbed my arm and said "we're praying" in a rather loud and belligerent tone which caused others to turn and look. I'm aware that these people pray at the table and I've never had a problem with it as previously one of them would say we'd like to pray. That's ok by me and I've always respected it. Their time it was a real shock and totally uncalled for.


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

Saddlebag said:


> the missus grabbed my arm and said "we're praying" in a rather loud and belligerent tone which caused others to turn and look.


Seriously? After 39 post you add this?

She stopped in the middle of her prayer and said that?

If she really did that, then she was being rude, but since I was not a fly on the wall at the restaurant .....

.


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

beverleyy said:


> I fail to see how this would jeopardize the waitress doing her job? She has no obligation to stand there and pray with them, that's not her job, continue serving.


It could jeopardize her job very easily.

Consider this scenario:
Customers start praying, waitress keeps serving then walks away
Customers then get *offended* that the waitress did not stop and stand quietly until they were done
Customers then go to the manager and complain that the waitress was rude and religiously intolerant

What do you think the manager is going to do? Very possibly fire said waitress on the spot, or write her up.

Now, not everyone would report the waitress for not stopping. However, it just takes 1.


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## horsedream568 (Nov 29, 2013)

Yeah I agree with southern trails. It's really hard to believe this after it went so long without it. If they did do this then yes it was very rude and uncalled for. Can I ask why you didn't mention this in the first place?


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I don't know, guess I tho't I'd explained the situation clearly, apparently not. Today, there was another incident with someone else. Today I learned she'd had a small stroke several months ago and this has caused her change in behaviour. Armed with that knowledge I shall certainly make respectful allowances for her behaviour. I had noticed a bit of a change but dismissed it Now it all makes sense. It seems to have increased her religious zeal as well.


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

Saddlebag said:


> Today I learned she'd had a small stroke several months ago


That could explain a lot :-(


.


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

Saddlebag said:


> Samstead, do you pray aloud like these people, or just have what appears to others as a few moments of silence?


I pray aloud but i wait until any waters are finished delivering our food and drinks. That happens pretty quick here as this is a predominantly Christian town and lots of Church groups go out for dinner or lunch. The whitespot here is packed every Sunday.


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## Clayton Taffy (May 24, 2011)

Saddlebag, I hope one of these days you wake up on the right side of the bed, and have a great day!

You need one.


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## thetempest89 (Aug 18, 2013)

I really can't believe this is an issue. I'm the biggest supporter of not shoving your religion in my face. But if you need to or want to pray before a meal even if it's in a restaurant then go ahead. It doesn't bother me. And if the wait staff can't deal with that, then maybe they need another job. All walks of life dine at restaurants. Can't deal with that then leave. 

And I can't see why it would bother people at other tables. This really is a first world problem.


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## thetempest89 (Aug 18, 2013)

Samstead said:


> I pray aloud but i wait until any waters are finished delivering our food and drinks. That happens pretty quick here as this is a predominantly Christian town and lots of Church groups go out for dinner or lunch. The whitespot here is packed every Sunday.



Yummmm. Whitespot <3 Whitespot gets so busy nobody would even notice you're praying. Do you ever feel awkward that other people might have there eyes on you??


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## dressagebelle (May 13, 2009)

I personally don't have a problem if someone prays at a restaurant. But, it's always been AFTER the server is done putting down the food, and moved away, and always mentioned before starting that said people are going to say a quick prayer. And normally it's a pretty quick prayer, not anything long and drawn out. If they did just start praying while server was talking, and grabbed your hand etc., I can see that being a bit startling, and uncomfortable, it would make me a bit uncomfortable, especially if it was a "new" thing the person started doing. That being said, I don't think others really care if someone prays in a restaurant, as long as they are being polite and quiet, and not making a big scene or anything. Makes me kind of sad that the waiters are always hoping that the couple is going to a different restaurant.


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## Samstead (Dec 13, 2011)

thetempest89 said:


> Yummmm. Whitespot <3 Whitespot gets so busy nobody would even notice you're praying. Do you ever feel awkward that other people might have there eyes on you??


if they wanna stare let them. I'm praying with my friends I didn't haul them over to my table if something harmless I'm doing in proximity to them makes them uncomfortable that's their issue.


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## jackboy (Jul 8, 2012)

As a preacher I pray before I eat no telling what goes on in the kitchen.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I sure hope you aren't implying that her having a stroke has mentally disabled her in a way that caused her to become more religious and/or annoying to you... because I can assure you that something like that IS rude and uncalled for. :/

Scenarios like this can be seen from BOTH sides. It can be rude for us, as religious folk, to shove religion at you (which she still didn't seem to be doing, she was just far to rushed and didn't think about the staff from the sounds of it. This happens a lot unfortunately...). It is also incredibly rude to undermine someone who happens to be religious, consider them to be disgraceful, or complain about them because they're following a harmless tradition of praying over food. 

Chances are that lady may HAVE started praying/thinking about God more after her stroke- its a tragedy for something like that to happen and she could have easily died, but she didn't. She's probably thankful. 

Someone else said it perfectly. This really is a first world problem. Everyone is just too easily offended these days.


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## laurapratt01 (Oct 3, 2012)

Actually, what's really embarrassing is having people take you out for a meal, praying aloud (albeit quietly) before the meal and then the person paying for the meal leaves a 6% tip... 6%!. Wow, great testimony..

I personally don't usually pray aloud before meals at a restaurant but I do pray before meals at home. I have no problem praying aloud at restaurants given that it's done during a time that is respectful to your server. I also think that if you're going to make a show that you're a Christian by praying aloud before a meal at a restaurant you better act like a Christian and if you're a Christian that doesn't pray aloud before a meal at a restaurant you still better act like you're a Christian! If your toddler is throwing food on the floor, clean up what you can. Be polite and kind to your server and PLEASE leave a reasonable tip! I think a lot of times actions speak louder than words...


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## NeryLibra (Oct 9, 2013)

It's been my experience that people stare while others pray because religion is becoming more and more politically incorrect and taboo. If someone stares at the people praying, it'll typically blow over in the restaurant scene. If they're offended, boo hoo for them! 

Many servers I've seen simply set the food down while the prayer is going on, stand for a moment in silence and listen (or not, I donno if they actually listen) then go about their way. I think many feel pressured to standby through the prayer so that they don't knock tip percentage out of their paycheck. I've heard of one religious family denying a waitress her tip because she didn't listen to their prayer, or even pretend to. In which case, yes. I take offense to that. But I'm not even offended by their prayer; I'm offended by the fact that those people expected the busy waitress to wait for them to be finished.

Either decline the birthday meal (and other future meals), go to the restroom when they pray, just sit it out, or heck, even join in in your own prayer (silently) while they do their thing. Having a faith shouldn't be an embarrassing thing, neither should witnessing it or being stuck at the same table with someone else's faith. I've been out to lunch/dinner with religious people who prayed aloud before, and I don't even practice a religion. However, I wasn't offended once by any of their gestures or their prayers. At least they included my well being when they really didn't have to!


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## dkb811 (Oct 15, 2013)

I would have joined in on the prayer thanking God for my kind friends that were so generous as to buy me a Birthday meal.


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## Strawberry4Me (Sep 13, 2012)

I am not sure why there is even a debate here... I just don't get it. They chose to pray before a meal, you chose not to. Who cares? If you really want to know what you "should do in this situation" maybe you should ask. If you are a server and you don't know how to react- ask. Say, would you find it offensive if I attended to my other tables? 

No one is upset with you because when you go out to eat you don't pray. Who really cares what other people do? Let it go. They didn't make you do it- they didn't go online and post a thread about how offensive it was that you didn't pray with them. Who is really the intolerant one here? 

I am not trying to attack you at all- I just think its so minute and silly. To each their own. Don't stress over things you can't control. I am not a religious person per say- not outwardly religious anyway. I do, however, find most faithful people very pleasant to be around. And I have a feeling they were not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, but just thanking the Lord for blessing them with the meal.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Well…..here is my .02. I think that while any server is at the table, they pretty much deserve your attention, and that is not an appropriate time to pray. I am also of the opinion that prayer, conversation, etc, does NOT need to be loud enough to cause anyone to stare. It rather reminds me of the buffoon with a cell phone talking loudly. I do not care to hear his conversation any more than I care to hear someone pray over their food. It can be don quietly and discreetly, IMO. To do otherwise is, in my view, pushy and rude. By being loud enough for others to hear well enough to stare, to me is an attempt for you to stop what you are doing and pay attention to them. Personally, I do not believe that prayers need to be spoken any more loudly than for the individuals directly involved to hear. Being that in this case it was this woman and her husband…it could have been a whisper. However, the fact that she had a stroke most likely took away some of her personal "filters", which also sometimes happens as people age. I used to look at my mom and think "Did you really just say that out loud?".

I guess it is sort of like breastfeeding in public and that whole debate. No need to be exposed. Be discreet.


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## aureliusandoinky (Nov 28, 2013)

Why would this bother anyone? I don't get offended when I see Hindus, Muslims, Christians, whatever praying. Sure, maybe they could have done it silently...but why would anyone be upset about it?


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## Atomicodyssey (Apr 13, 2014)

I didn't read all the replies, but as a server I just ignore these kind of things. I quietly step away and let them do their thing. As long as they don't personally push it on me, it doesn't bother me... so don't feel embarrassed! I am an athiest and I understand many people are religious, and the more power to them. Everyone has the right to make up their own minds.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Endiku said:


> I sure hope you aren't implying that her having a stroke has mentally disabled her in a way that caused her to become more religious and/or annoying to you... because I can assure you that something like that IS rude and uncalled for.


Endiku, strokes DO change people. My father had a stroke several years before he died, and he became verbally abusive and combative even with my mother, who was the love of his life. That was not the father I loved and had grown up with. Strokes damage certain parts of the brain, so aggressive personality shifts are very common. 

As far as the public praying? Seems like it may have been at an awkward time, but no harm done.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

I'm sorry if it sounded like I was saying that strokes don't affect people. I realize that they do...my grandfather had one and it definitely changed his personality, though luckily (I guess) it was the opposite. He was a mean man until the stroke, then became mellow as could be. 

It just seemed like, in the context of this thread, a stroke was being used as a "well, that poor thing- of course she doesn't know any better than to believe in a God and talk to him. She wouldn't have believed him if it wasn't for that stroke" type comment than anything else, at least to me. Maybe I shouldn't have read it like that, but I did. Hard to know what the underlying purpose of a comment is without connotations I guess.

It could very well be that she didn't consider the waiter's feelings because of her stroke, because like you said, behavior does change. But you don't have to have a near fatality or brain alteration to believe in a God.


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## Clayton Taffy (May 24, 2011)

As a waitress, bartender, server, caterer for years, both in public and private venues. You want the people you are serving to continue what they are doing when you serve them. I always believed that was the sign of a good server, "to be invisible". 

When I place a plate in front of someone or refill their water, If they say "thank you" or they say nothing, I am doing my job. The waitress should have put the plates down and walked away. If she needed to ask the patron something like, "do you need mustard?" she could come back.

Frankly if I had a customer start to pray as soon as I put their plates down, but before I put plates in front of the other people at the table, I would have thought they were being considerate of the non prayers at the table. This way they are finished with their prayer by the time everyone has their food and is ready to eat.
As for loudness I think that is how relevant to how embarrassed you are.

But of course that is way to much over-thinking...I really would have forgotten the entire episode by the time I went to the next table.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Quiet praying doesn't bother me, I will bow head, and be silent. To chastise you was wrong, period. 

However, I would far rather the praying than the fools I always seem to sit near that are discussing their "pus pockets and holes in skin draining infection and rotting flesh clear to the bone" or the ones who had "flu all night long and vomited all over everything, and had diarrhea and missed the toilet."

Both of which have happened many, many times.

People just have no filter any more.

And the pus pocket couple, who were just itching to jump each other by the by, happened as I was eating Shrimp Quesadillas too, which white cheese sauce! Name for it escapes me at moment but you get the picture, I am sure.


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