# Help With my Essay



## Gizmo (Dec 19, 2010)

Anyone? I have to get this in like today.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Sorry, but your whole premise is wrong. Unless of course, that's what you're going for; being deliberately wrong and argumentative.

Mustangs aren't 'pure', or even wild in the actual sense. They're feral horses, most of whom go back to animals that were either discarded or escaped from ranches and the U.S. Army.

Those 'wild' animals you see out on the plains have very domestic roots, and most of them are from bloodlines developed in the 1940s through 1960s.

There are a very _minute_ number who actually go back to horses that were lost by the Conquistadors, but they're extremely rare. But again, those animals were originally domestic stock, not wild animals. The only _true_ wild horse left in the world is Przewalki's Horse.

Your college thesis needs to be less broad and more specific. You should have started researching and writing it when you got the assignment, not waited until 2 days before it was due.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

Gizmo said:


> In the western part of the United States, there is a wild animal. Such beauty and perfection in the wild is almost unheard of, but it does still exist. Hundreds of years and many many challenges these wild beauties have survived. These beauties are known as Mustangs. They are one of the only wild horse breeds left in this whole world. Every year there are hundreds of Mustangs that are ripped from their environment and sold at government auctions. Slowly the Mustang breed is becoming less wild and pure, it is being torn from its roots and sold off piece by piece. How is it right to tear something away and sell it? It's like selling pieces of America itself.
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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

Gizmo said:


> So I posted it at school to get critiques (I got online) and my teacher posted. First she yelled at me because it was supposed to be the whole essay on there, which I clearly stated that I knew it wasn't the whole essay when I posted it. Then she said that there was no thesis statement, which I thought my thesis was, "Slowly the Mustang breed is becoming less wild and pure, it is being torn from its roots and sold off piece by piece." Am I wrong? I'm not very good at thesis statement. But anyways. I have to get this whole thing written by tomorrow with two pages on it and right now I'm horribly stuck with the feedback she left me. She is really awful too, worst teacher I have had so far. I asked her if there was any research needed for it and what the format needed to me, like MLA, and she wrote back and said look at the syllabus, so I did, and there was nothing on there. Other kids posted other questions and that's all she says and there is nothing in there about any of the questions we asked. grrrr. So PLEASE help really stuck and with a teacher that can't help!


Couple more things just in regards to having a successful college career - you will have teachers that you like and those that you hate and everything in between. Regardless of your preference they control you for the six months that you are in their classroom so make the most of it!

I used to teach undergraduate Biochemistry to Science students in their final year of study and some hated me and some loved me. Hugely dependant on grades - students that get good grades love their teacher, those that fail hate you. The ones that showed the greatest improvement (i.e. not necessarily the straight A types, but those who improved their grade from a D to a B for example) were those that would come and see me when they ran into trouble, AHEAD OF TIME! I refused to schedule appointments last minute and was insulted when a student expected me to do so.

My advice is to go and see your teacher if you are confused, unsure or need further clarification. Don't just show up but make an appointment and go there with an open mind and ready to listen to what they have to say. Make a concious effort to achieve and your teacher will almost certainly make a concious effort to _help_ you achieve. College teachers have hundreds of students let me assure you, many of which complain about various things without ever asking for further clarification. Don't be one of those whiny students that you can never put a face to as there are many of those! There are relatively few that genuinely seek help when they are in trouble with something.


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## Gizmo (Dec 19, 2010)

Thanks. I feel like it is really disjointed too. And I have been writing further and now it seems to have turned more into a history lesson than a argumentative essay. So I need to do some more research. Its hard to confine this argument into two pages as well. Even with narrowing the subject down. I am really good at history and not good at argueing so its a tough class for me.
The only reason why I have not liked her so far, it could change, is that she really doesn't help you. I asked for the requirements, and she told me too look in another part of the class, and they weren't there. She has done the same to other students as well and I tried to help them too and couldn't find the answers to our questions, so we are sort of stuck with our questions without answers.


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## spanish2speaker (Dec 23, 2010)

i dont know if anyone has said this already but i think the thesis comes at the end of the ur intro..??!!??!! no thesis is a bad thesis(thats what my teacher told me) but it should be a one sentence summary on ur whole essay and ur arguments.....


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

Gizmo said:


> The only reason why I have not liked her so far, it could change, is that she really doesn't help you. I asked for the requirements, and she told me too look in another part of the class, and they weren't there. She has done the same to other students as well and I tried to help them too and couldn't find the answers to our questions, so we are sort of stuck with our questions without answers.


Sure and I understand this, having been on both sides as a teacher and as a student.

As a teacher, let me tell you that every student wants all the answers with little effort. Therefore to the average student you provide minimal help and suggest something arbitrary like 'go look at the syllabus' or 're-read the question' or 'it's explained in the outline' as most of the time, their questions can be solved by simply doing that. Trust me, if you set aside the time for each and every student to go over the syllabus with them, you would have no time for anything else!

Now in your case, if you have checked everything and still don't have your answer, time to go and have a visit during office hours, hence my suggestion of making an appointment. Not only will you have a better answer, your teacher will know that you are making a genuine effort to do well and you are no longer just another face in the crowd.


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## Gizmo (Dec 19, 2010)

Speed Racer said:


> Sorry, but your whole premise is wrong. Unless of course, that's what you're going for; being deliberately wrong and argumentative.
> 
> Mustangs aren't 'pure', or even wild in the actual sense. They're feral horses, most of whom go back to animals that were either discarded or escaped from ranches and the U.S. Army.
> 
> ...


Sorry dear, for some reason I skipped over your comment. I agree its too broad. I meant to be more about the Spanish Mustangs the original breed. Which has been altered by the horses that were brought over and escaped, when the pioneers first moved out west too. 

I have done research but I am still waiting for my question to be answered by my teacher if it purely from knowledge or a factual essay. This assignments was only given to us on Monday and this part is just the rough draft. I have the entire essay done just about, I just wasn't set on the first paragraph and I am HORRIBLE at thesis statements. So that is why I was asking for help and have not gotten any feed back from my school mates in the virtual classroom like they are supposed to do.


sarahver: I agree I need to ask her again. I can't go to her office, because its a two hour drive for me. I go to school online. I think for now I am just going to do the research and put it in accordingly, seemingly how this is my last day for it. I would have until Sunday but my boyfriend and I are going away to Salem, MA for the weekend. So I will see what she says about it when I submit it as a rough draft. We aren't graded on it, just a submission grade.

So here is my rewritten first paragraph. The first paragraph is really important because it is the opener, the thing that attracts you to actually read it and it has the thesis, so that is why I am asking for help on this particular part.

Hundreds of years ago Spanish Conquistadors brought thousands of horses with them on their many trips to the, “new world.” On their journeys across the southern part of what is now America some of the horses were lost, escaped, or were stolen by Native Americans. These Spanish horses made up the original Mustang breed of "wild" horses. Today that breed is fighting for its life. Though, there are many that say the Mustang is alive and well, but that is not the original breed. These Spanish Mustangs are close to extinction.


I feel like the last sentence still needs something. Man this essay is kicking my butt, lol.


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## Romantic Lyric (Dec 31, 2009)

Don't forget to spend some time addressing the opposing side's argument. Successfully argumentative pieces go:

1. Your argument (spend most of your time here)
2. What critics say (only bring up a few points, don't go on forever)
3. Why you're right and they aren't

I also can't imagine any argumentative piece being successfully without research UNLESS you've previously researched the topic and it's informal (read: the teacher doesn't care about sources). You have to know more than a little something about something to make an argumentative essay out of it - or else it would just be called "An Unfounded Opinion Based Mainly on Emotion/Hormones/The Color of the Sky Today" essay. Also, not that your professor shouldn't be clear, but most college professors are not going to hold your hand through the writing process - that's what your other 14 years of education was for. If you need extra help, go to your school's Writing Center other a tutor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Romantic Lyric (Dec 31, 2009)

I'm confused. Your new intro mentions nothing about what I thought was your argument: mustangs should not be captured because A, B, and C. Your (hypothetical) thesis IS your argument but slightly refined. You just go on and on about how mustangs came to be, and while that's an interesting tidbit of information for the reader, this is not a history textbook entry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wakiya (Feb 7, 2009)

Gizmo said:


> Sorry dear, for some reason I skipped over your comment. I agree its too broad. I meant to be more about the Spanish Mustangs the original breed. Which has been altered by the horses that were brought over and escaped, when the pioneers first moved out west too.
> 
> I have done research but I am still waiting for my question to be answered by my teacher if it purely from knowledge or a factual essay. This assignments was only given to us on Monday and this part is just the rough draft. I have the entire essay done just about, I just wasn't set on the first paragraph and I am HORRIBLE at thesis statements. So that is why I was asking for help and have not gotten any feed back from my school mates in the virtual classroom like they are supposed to do.
> 
> ...


If you want it to focus on Spanish Mustangs (which is a misnomer they are more correctly called Colonial Spanish horses) you may want to contact researchers Philip Sponenberg (Virginia Tech), he has written articles about correct Old Spanish type and does all the conformation/history evaluations for feral herds, and Gus Cothran (Texas A&M), he does the bloodtyping to test for the prescence of Old Spanish markers in the DNA. There are very few pure herds left and even those may have been wiped out now fue to carelessness on the BLM's part.

Another thing you need to know is that there was never any Arab blood (Or TB) in the Spanish horses brought to America. The breeds were Lusitans, Old type/proto-andalusian, a horse different than modern day andalusians which have TB and Arab influence. There were the spotted and gaited Spanish Ginettes which were more a type than a breed, the Galloway and Galinceno (spanish pony breeds), the Portuguese Sorraia, and the Spanish Barb. The Spanish Barb is not to be confused with the North African Barb which was original a Spanish horse but has had a lot of outside blood.

These Spanish breeds made up the horses of the Spaniards, Native Americans, Mountain men, pony express and early settlers. If you do a little research you can find maps of the introduction of the horse to the Americas. Many horses died on the journey, the horses Columbus brought on one his trips (they were supposed to be from the Royal Stud) were switched with what were probably Sorraias.

There is a lot of misinformation out there. Take for instance the Kiger Mustang, it may have Spanish ancestry, but not enough to be considered a Spanish Mustang. There were some horses of good type at one time, but they have either been intentionally diluted by breeding towards a designer-type mustang and/or accidentally by contaminating the original blood with outside stock (there was evidence of QH blood).

You may want to address the Calvary Remount program which took herds of Spanish stock and crossed them on TB, Draft, Morgan etc. As well as the government killing Native Americans horses forcing draft stallions into their breeding and of course shooting the Spanish studs in the wild and replacing them with another breed.

I also know someone who has done extensive research on Spanish horses that I can give you the email of


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