# Am I getting the snub from my trainer??



## PaintHorseMares (Apr 19, 2008)

Sounds like your trainer is looking for a new job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## STT GUY (Apr 23, 2014)

kisiahc said:


> Ok, so I have been with my current trainer for 9 months. Lately, I feel like he doesn't want to deal with me anymore.....and I don't know why! He cancels last minute or tells me I can come on the weekend just to find out he is out of town. He did tell me that he wanted to look into training and sales more but wanted to keep 5 of his lesson clients (myself included).
> 
> We also were supposed to start training harder and more often so that I could lease one of the barn horses that we thought would be a good fit for me. I've texted trying to set up lessons and I don't hear anything back. He says my texts don't come through sometimes but with everything else I don't know if I believe that. Plus, nobody else has a problems with receiving my texts.
> 
> ...


When you sat down and expressed these feeling and concerns to your trainer what was his reaction? Rhetorical question.....because you have not. You need to. Whats the worst thing that can happen? You end up looking for a new trainer....you're headed down that path anyway it seems.

Some of your trainers actions are disrespectful of your time and frankly unprofessional. When you have this talk, do NOT criticize the person, merely express confusion and displeasure with the persons ACTIONS. Express two concerns and follow up with one positive. If all you do is hammer on him, human nature is to get defensive.

Lastly ask him this "if you were me how would you feel about the shift in our relationship right about now" then shut up and listen.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Sounds like your trainer has a new love in his life and that's where he wants to be.


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## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

It seems to me that you will have to find another trainer. You are going on the fact that he told you that you would remain his student regardless of what else he pursues, but his actions speak differently. The two of you had a business arrangement and he is being inconsiderate and unprofessional. You on the other hand should be. As STT said you don't want to make him defensive. You might ask him if his referring you to another trainer until his schedule returns to normal would help matters. That is of course if it really is that important to keep him as a trainer if possible. I think if it were me, I would find another trainer and leave this one a message to call me when he can come up with a definite time for a lesson.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

It sounds like your trainer, for whatever reason, isn't interested anymore. 

If you come at it right, talk to him about it. Maybe broach the topic by commenting he has been really busy lately and that there hasn't been the amount of lessons like before. He might have a good reason, or he might brush you off. Either way you should know where to go from here. 

However, from what it sounds it might be time to look for another one.


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## BreezylBeezyl (Mar 25, 2014)

Grrrrr. Posts like this make me so mad because I get to continue to see how unprofessional some trainers can be. I just don't get it!

I feel like some trainers assume that because they run a "home business" that they can do and say whatever they feel like with complete disregard to professionalism. Why is it a recurring theme that some trainers feel entitled? :evil:

Sorry for the rant. I think you should start looking elsewhere. I do feel like you are indeed getting the snub and, as a paying client, you deserve to be treated fairly and professionally.

Get out of this guy's life, because he clearly doesn't value your time or money. Rude.


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## Gossalyn (Sep 12, 2013)

Horse people are crazy (i've learned to accept this even about myself!) and Horse trainers can sometimes exemplify this.

Because of this - never assume what a person is presenting you with is what is actually going on in their brain. Your trainer is probably just a little scatterbrained. I mean - it certainly COULD be a snub, but it could as easily be he is distracted. It does sound like he has a lot going on.

However - whatever it is you do need to talk to him and tell him you are feeling this way. It's still a business and you have the right to choose how much you want to put up with to lesson with him.

I think if we all got together we could come up with a list of things we tolerate from trainers.. it's an interesting dynamic, but it's hard to find one without a quirk or two of their own.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

Don’t give this person any more of your time or money, because right now they are wasting both. A trainer who is willing to jerk you around on your lessons and your time is just not going to be a good trainer even if they’re the only game in town. It’s a setback, but there are always up-and-comers willing to take the place of people who want out of the lesson game. The time you are throwing away chasing someone who is giving every indication that they are not interested in keeping your business is time that would be better used finding someone else to take lessons from. It’s a setback, but not an impossible one to overcome in your riding career.


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## BreezylBeezyl (Mar 25, 2014)

Gossalyn said:


> Horse people are crazy (i've learned to accept this even about myself!) and Horse trainers can sometimes exemplify this.
> 
> Because of this - never assume what a person is presenting you with is what is actually going on in their brain. Your trainer is probably just a little scatterbrained. I mean - it certainly COULD be a snub, but it could as easily be he is distracted. It does sound like he has a lot going on.
> 
> ...


Even if this is true, the trainer still has a professional responsibility to keep the lines of communication open with his clients. If he's got a lot going on, he needs to acknowledge that and take on less work. He needs to tell the OP that "Hey, I've got a lot going on right now and need to lessen my workload. I hope that is okay. I can contact you in a few weeks/months and let you know when I will be free again." Instead he is just giving her the run around.

If I was as bad as this guy at my job where I am overseen by a manager, I would get fired. Unfortunately the only way for horse trainers to feel the brunt of their mistakes is for their clients to talk with their wallets.

This trainer needs some lessons in customer service.


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## kisiahc (Jun 8, 2015)

Thanks guys! Honestly, he's really not a bad guy (hence the reason I don't want a new trainer). I think he just doesn't know how to handle the business communication part of it. But I guess you are all right, I should go ahead and start looking. Why do I feel like this is a breakup? LOL 

.....I'm also having to break up with my lesson horse and for that, I am heartbroken


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## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

WillowNightwind said:


> Grrrrr. Posts like this make me so mad because I get to continue to see how unprofessional some trainers can be. I just don't get it!
> 
> I feel like some trainers assume that because they run a "home business" that they can do and say whatever they feel like with complete disregard to professionalism. Why is it a recurring theme that some trainers feel entitled? :evil:
> 
> ...


 There certainly are unprofessional "professionals" in many areas, but there is also something called "common courtesy", that is lacking in many people.


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## BreezylBeezyl (Mar 25, 2014)

kisiahc said:


> Thanks guys! Honestly, he's really not a bad guy (hence the reason I don't want a new trainer). I think he just doesn't know how to handle the business communication part of it. But I guess you are all right, I should go ahead and start looking. Why do I feel like this is a breakup? LOL
> 
> .....I'm also having to break up with my lesson horse and for that, I am heartbroken


It's hard to cut ties with people. But remember that every single person you interact with on a regular basis, you have a relationship with. And in a relationship you cannot have one party putting in all the effort and receiving none. That is what we call a toxic relationship.

It's the same principle with spouses, friends, coworkers, bosses, and even horse trainers. I've cut ties with several trainers and friends and partners because they would not show me the same effort that I was showing to them.

Do not invest your precious time with someone who has no interest in you. I sincerely hope you have better luck with a new trainer in the future, you deserve it!


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## Remali (Jul 22, 2008)

Wow, sounds like he is disrespectful, and rude. Sorry you are going through this. I would drop him like a hot potato, I hope you can locate another trainer... no one deserves this kind a treatment.


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## squekers998 (May 29, 2012)

I'm sorry you are going through this )-: I've been in your shoes many times and yes it's hard, but its something that needs to be done. You want to get the most out of your lessons and become a better rider, some trainers in a small town know that you will stick with them because the closest other trainer is over an hour away. I had an trainer like that once she was horrible and only wanted $$$ she didn't even call you to tell you that training was canceled you needed to find out from people at the barn that she wasn't there. She wouldn't even want to remember your name she just called you "You". I called her once because my grandma past away(4 days before the lesson) and what she had to say was "okay....when do you wanna have your lesson again"? Like really?? my grandma past away and you don't even care??!? Thank goodness i got out of there and went to my current barn yes its 45-50 min away but the instructors really care about you and will make the best ride for you. Like others have said here it would be the best thing to look for a new trainer as soon as possible because it's only going to get worse
GOOD LUCK!!!!


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## kisiahc (Jun 8, 2015)

WillowNightwind said:


> It's hard to cut ties with people. But remember that every single person you interact with on a regular basis, you have a relationship with. And in a relationship you cannot have one party putting in all the effort and receiving none. That is what we call a toxic relationship.
> 
> It's the same principle with spouses, friends, coworkers, bosses, and even horse trainers. I've cut ties with several trainers and friends and partners because they would not show me the same effort that I was showing to them.
> 
> Do not invest your precious time with someone who has no interest in you. I sincerely hope you have better luck with a new trainer in the future, you deserve it!




Love this! This is hitting SO close to home! I am in the process of doing the same with friends and "married without the paperwork" boyfriend....getting the toxicity out of my life. I guess I'll just have to cut ties with everyone at once. 

The funny thing is, I feel like I have gone from weak to strong since I picked up riding again. I'm tired of people telling me to give up my passion because it's a "waste of money". My happiness is not a waste of money!

I actually talked to a trainer last night that seems really sweet, knowledgeable and is cheaper than my last trainer (score!). She's further away but it's not too bad. Soooo.....fingers crossed!


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## loveduffy (Dec 22, 2011)

start looking for a new trainer just in case he moves on with out you and welcome to the forum


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## Smilie (Oct 4, 2010)

So, more of an instructor, giving riding lessons, than a trainer.
Many of these people give lessons as a side line, while looking for a more 'lucrative' 
money maker
I would find a new instructor, more dedicated to teaching .
Is the barn and the horses his, or does he just give lessons out of that barn, so no real commitment to being there, and he is just 'marking time', until he finds something better


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## kisiahc (Jun 8, 2015)

Smilie said:


> So, more of an instructor, giving riding lessons, than a trainer.
> Many of these people give lessons as a side line, while looking for a more 'lucrative'
> money maker
> I would find a new instructor, more dedicated to teaching .
> Is the barn and the horses his, or does he just give lessons out of that barn, so no real commitment to being there, and he is just 'marking time', until he finds something better



It's his barn, his horses (well, mostly his horses some boarders). He has a student that is really, really good and spends a lot of time out of town taking her and her horse to shows and has mentioned that she has the ability to go pro. I feel like he wants to focus on being there mainly for her since she is young and show jumping could possibly be her career. 

That is fine and dandy as I am not ready to even show yet. BUT don't tell me that I can come for a lesson on the next Saturday when you know you're going to be out of town with your jumping prodigy. I understand he is only one person but when you have a student who is serious, responsible, and willing to lease the dang horse he picked for me (I didn't know it was an option to lease until he stated he thought we were a good fit), then give me some time too! Or be up front about your schedule!

The problem is, when I'm there we get along great! I love his teaching style and his horses are absolutely wonderful.


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## Gossalyn (Sep 12, 2013)

WillowNightwind said:


> Even if this is true, the trainer still has a professional responsibility to keep the lines of communication open with his clients.


I just think my standards for professional behavior in trainers has dropped a bit... lol. When I first started I would have 100% agreed and stood behind holding them to professional standards in every aspect of their work. Over time, i guess I've been worn down... Some are better than others, but I just file it under "Nobody's perfect"..... It does strike me as odd though some trainers who act like their clients need them more than the trainer needs the clients.. very backwards.


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## BreezylBeezyl (Mar 25, 2014)

@Gossalyn
I actually feel bad you've been worn down to the point where you have to 'settle'. I've totally been there and now I demand my trainers to be professional and polite. I don't outright demand it, but I will speak with my wallet. If my instructor/trainer is not picking up the slack, I start to cut ties. I stop taking lessons, I stop volunteering at the barn. If their effort stops, so does mine. Eventually I move on.


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## kisiahc (Jun 8, 2015)

WillowNightwind said:


> @Gossalyn
> I actually feel bad you've been worn down to the point where you have to 'settle'. I've totally been there and now I demand my trainers to be professional and polite. I don't outright demand it, but I will speak with my wallet. If my instructor/trainer is not picking up the slack, I start to cut ties. I stop taking lessons, I stop volunteering at the barn. If their effort stops, so does mine. Eventually I move on.



Aww, don't feel bad! I talked to a potential trainer today that said she gives both western and English lessons and also has horses for lease. She was excited because she hasn't been able to have a student in our area that actually wants English lessons. She has an awesome dressage horse that she would like to have someone be able to show with and she said while she really enjoys teaching barrel racing, western pleasure, etc, her background is in English, dressage and jumping and "where her heart is". 

So, for anyone in my predicament, just ask! I would have never known if I hadn't picked up the phone!


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## STT GUY (Apr 23, 2014)

Gossalyn said:


> I just think my standards for professional behavior in trainers has dropped a bit... lol. When I first started I would have 100% agreed and stood behind holding them to professional standards in every aspect of their work. Over time, i guess I've been worn down... Some are better than others, but I just file it under "Nobody's perfect"..... It does strike me as odd though some trainers who act like their clients need them more than the trainer needs the clients.. very backwards.


You are describing the difference between someone who makes money training and a professional trainer. 

The problem is (like horses) people behave the way we train them. If you allow your trainer to be habitually late, blow you off, not value your time, etc..you are training him/her to show you two heels.

In any successful relationship, especially a business relationship, standards of performance and minimum expectations must be established.


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## OTTBMomma (May 15, 2014)

You're paying him. Sounds like he doesn't want your cash. I say move on.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

STT GUY said:


> You are describing the difference between someone who makes money training and a professional trainer.
> 
> The problem is (like horses) people behave the way we train them. If you allow your trainer to be habitually late, blow you off, not value your time, etc..you are training him/her to show you two heels.
> 
> In any successful relationship, especially a business relationship, standards of performance and minimum expectations must be established.


:bowwdown: :bowwdown: :bowwdown: Absolutely!!!


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