# Sort of a rant about my instructor



## LifeInTheIrons (Mar 28, 2015)

Hello there guys. I had a riding lesson today and just became very frustrated with my instructor. Now, before you tell me straight away to go find a new trainer, let me explain something to you: 1). She is a good horse trainer but isn't great around people. 2). There are very few trainers that are close enough to my house for me to go to, and she is the only one I am able to afford.

So, I can't get a new trainer, but here is my problem: She is always, ALWAYS so negative and pessimistic. At my last show, I mentioned to her a nice comment from the judge on my dressage test score sheet. She immediately went off on me about how "The nice comments don't matter. You should only be focusing on the bad ones, because those are the only things that help you learn," and so on. I get that the judge's comments are to help you learn. But I also don't think that I should ONLY be focusing on the bad aspects of my test. 

Other comments she make to me include, "Your horse isn't good enough to do this class at the show," or, "If he steps on his lead rope while you're grazing him, he'll step on it and freak out and kill himself, and it'll be your fault." Come on, really? If I want to do a class at a horse show, I can do it if I want. Showing is supposed to be about having fun and trying new things, after all. Also, I'm not careless and negligent enough to let my horse get all tangled in his lead rope. My horse has stepped on his rope before, yes, but whose horse hasn't? I just move him over a step and boom, all better, he's not on the rope anymore. I guess all I'm saying is, I wish she would explain things to me less negatively, for example, why can't she just say "Be careful he doesn't step on his rope, or he could get hurt," instead of saying he'll kill himself and it'll be my fault? 

Thanks for listening to my rant . Any advice is appreciated


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## ducky123 (May 27, 2014)

LifeInTheIrons said:


> Showing is supposed to be about having fun and trying new things, after all.


It sounds like you and your trainer have different goals for *you*. When I'm working with someone, showing is about winning because winning is fun and losing (when your horse is capable of winning) just plain sucks. And the very last place I want someone to "try new things" is at the show. At the show we ONLY do what we practiced (and practiced and practiced).


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

what makes her such a good trainer? to me, a good trainer trains the hrose NOT to freak if he steps on the leadrope, so it's not an issue.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I know lots of good horse trainers, but I sure wouldn't have them coach me. My coach, and I would gouge out my eyes before I would say something negative about her, doesn't ride horses at all, she just teaches people. In my 50 years of riding, she is head & shoulders above any coach, instructor, clinician, trainer I have used.
OP, I understand your situation, ignore the negative, learn what you can and when you can get a better instructor, drop that one like she's hot.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

thats a shame. Compete in the classes you practice , if you want to compete in other classes ask for training in that class.. If you get the comment you cannot your horse cannot, then ask to try it at say a b show or training class if there are such things.


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## lostastirrup (Jan 6, 2015)

You be the optimistic one. It may drive her crazy but be the Ying to her Yang keep the balance of extremes in mind. Pretend she is joking when she says stuff like 'your horse will die and it would be your fault' say something like 'wouldn't that be embarrassing to see in the paper' or something. When she says only the negative comments matter say something like 'you better let the judge know because she gave me mostly the good ones' Kill her with grinning kindness and giggles.


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

She's a good trainer, but not so great with people? Sorry, the two go hand in hand.

I know many great riders who can't train/teach for toffee, and riders who aren't highly skilled but fantastic teachers.

Having done the negative and down right nasty comments, I would push you to seek out someone else, even if it means cutting lessons down to afford them. Is there a reason she is affordable.. ie.. because she is so negative and can't keep clients? Is she like this to her other students too? 

No idea why you would continue to pay someone to make you feel so bad about yourself and your horse.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Ewww. Not fun to be around.

But... given your situation, that she is the only one available, and since you feel you do benefit from her instruction, this might help: Picture he as "Eeyore" from the Winnie the Pooh books saying her negative things. 

I actually did that when I worked with an incredibly negative hay farmer on a ranch. We were the only two people for quite a few miles. lol When his negative comments would invade my thoughts, I would preface them with Eeyore's, "Well, Pooh... blah, blah, blah." I always ended up grinning. 

And even would start grinning every time I saw his face starting to move and I knew he was going to speak. "Well, Pooh..." I occasionally responded with Pooh's line of "Oh, dear."


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

By pointing out all the negatives it's often a ploy to keep the lessons going. You may need a much better trainer only half as often. Positive remarks are the fuel that drives us on. One young girl who was treated harshly by over zealous parents, told me "I know when I've made a mistake but I can't undo it.


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## Overread (Mar 7, 2015)

Some people see every event as a series of mistakes - that is they see improvement as pulling apart the things that went wrong. It's not that they totally ignore the positive, its that they tend to undervalue it - its there, its a thing, yes its nice, but lets look at those things which went wrong and improve on them.


Thing is you'll never EVER do anything perfect. There is no real such thing, there is always some angle that can be improved, something that didn't go to perfection. 
Now seeking that perfection can be an important motivator and drive to improve; but at the same time one has to be able to step back from that. To be realistic and to take pleasure in the joys of what did go right.



IT sounds to me like your trainer is keen to push you to advance to your potential; whilst you're taking a more casual approach. Indeed you sound far less competitive than your trainer. 

Now this isn't always a bad thing; trainers oft have to have a degree of push to them to get the most out of a student; indeed a trainer with no push nor drive for their student can be a bad thing as it means that their student might never progress that far.

However it sounds like her push is just that bit too much. Now what might be a good point is to sit down and have a talk. You're not looking to start a fight, just ensure that you're both on the same page with how you want to take your riding and how you're both going to get there. Chances are she doesn't realise she's doing it at all - and chances are she doesn't realise the impact she's having on you (shutting down a critical mind takes noticing and effort for those with one). 

So have a talk with her, you might be able to improve or adjust the situation to best suit you both. A little give and take on both sides to an extent.



If that fails outright or things just don't seem to change it might just be you're not best suited to each other. Part of teaching is skill/knowledge in the field of interest; the other is skill in teaching. As said above there are many who can teach who are not that high skilled within the field they teach; similarly there are many who are highly skilled in their field, but who lack any teaching skill.



Boots gives one option, but be careful. Mockery is a very powerful tool and little things (imaging everyone in their underpants whilst giving a speech etc...) can make a situation much more bearable. However if it starts to cause you to think poorly of your instructor, even to get the giggles then its really going to sour things fast. How we treat a person depends a lot on how we think of them.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Overread said:


> ... can make a situation much more bearable. However if it starts to cause you to think poorly of your instructor, even to get the giggles then its really going to sour things fast. How we treat a person depends a lot on how we think of them.


That's a very good point. 

It takes effort to remain objective about a negative person's good qualities.


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## Kpomski (Apr 5, 2015)

Unfortunately I've been there. My previous trainer I loved her as a person, loved how she worked with my horse, HATED her as a trainer. It was always about the negatives. Everything could go right in my trip, except for one or maybe two minor things and it was always focus on the bad. She would nit pick. I remember I had this horse that was a nasty stopper that she was convinced I was not keeping enough leg on one time so she put a "stronger" rider on him...he dumped he at the second fence. 

Unfortunately I was stuck too. (You don't live in NH do you?) The next closest barn with a real trainer was 45 minutes away. But I couldn't do it anymore and I moved. I ended up moving this year and have a new trainer I LOVE. My horse is doing so, so much better because I'm more confident now and i get more out of the lessons. 

I would really search to see what's in your area. I ended up discovering that there was actually a barn equally as close that I didn't know about.


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