# Feeling like giving up.Rant



## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

i have been feel like giving up for awhile now but at the same time i feel like i work to hard to give up and spend to much time and money on it to quit now. 
maybe i should tell you how it started. it all start when my trainer put me on a new horse a overweight 7 year old 14hh mare named Mia or as i like to call her Big Mama she was broke in the walk, needed alot of work in the tort ( the person before me just ran her in 10m circle to slow her down that was about a year) and was green in the canter ( this little mare can tort as fast as a 16hh mare normal canter)also green in jumping . So over the past year i have work alot on getting her in shape and past some of her problems and improved my riding but i fell alot more then i ever have with about 20 fall didn't get hurt lucky ( fell into a wall, in a mud, barrel, into a jump and on the ground). Now it like the more i tried the worse it gets and it dose help that my trainer has to pick apart everything in my riding i have not heard one thing nice come out her mouth since i start riding Mia i know it not perfect but she doesn't have to find fault in everything i do the only reason i say this is i ride with someone she has never pick at her riding the same way. I felt like she wants us to look like them but that never going to happen because she is green she will be a lesson horse at one point but not yet not now we are both still learning . what ind of bugs me is that in the middle of a lesson when Mia was being hard head she ask me to get off and said that she was going to ride her for a bit because she was not going up to the canter when i asked for it. then told me that Mia knows that my riding not good and is using it to get out of work because i don't have the leg to get her there ( what bugs me is that she didnt just say it to me she said it in fount of like 6 people who were getting ready to do games. ) 
When most of the better rider don't want to ride her because she is hard headed and is build bigger then the warmbloods . 








i just want to give up


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

The difficult horses are always the ones who teach us the most. If all you want to do is ride easy horses, then your riding will never really improve.

As far as your trainer telling you something in front of others, what was she supposed to do? Take you in a back room and whisper it to you? I doubt your inability to ride the mare properly is much of a secret anyway.

If you want to give up because it's too hard and your instructor is trying to challenge you, then maybe horses aren't for you.


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

So you are telling me you would have someone go form a dead broke horse to a green horse that most people at my barn think is crazy .The trainer daughter who been riding for years now will not ride her because of the way she acts. 

No I dont want her to take me to a different room and whisper it to me but I want more respect then being yelled at about it. I get i am not the best rider but I want to be talk to not yelled at

Maybe your right I may not be cut out for horse


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## KsKatt (Jun 2, 2014)

Exactly how long have you been riding?
What it sounds like to me is a "trainer" putting a green rider on a green horse. 
How old are you? 
A difficult horse is one thing, but green on green?
My instinct is to tell you to get a new trainer.


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

About 6 and a half years 
I am 15 
I know what a difficult horse is like I rode one until she got kick in the head( she is alive) and was put on the dead broke horse.
Their are very few trainer up here and this one is the only one that not western that you don't need your own horse to ride English.


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## littlebird (Jan 22, 2014)

I think you need to find a new trainer. No one should have to put up with being yelled at or put onto a horse they feel is wrong for them. If you want to stay with calmer lesson horses that should fine. *Speak up* to your trainer (if you haven't already) to tell her you want to change horses. Their should be communication between teacher and student. If she wants to keep you on a horse that is ruining your enjoyment of riding and eroding your confidence find a new trainer. Riding is too expensive a hobby to be made miserable. 

I have to disagree with Speed Racer, not everyone goes into riding wanting to be a great rider. Some people are content with their level of skill and never want to progress beyond a certain point. If you want to stay at a level that makes you feel comfortable (at least for now), are not interested in learning to ride green horses or horses with problems or training issues, or need to regain your confidence that is perfectly acceptable and should be understandable to your instructor.


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## littlebird (Jan 22, 2014)

Girl girly said:


> Their are very few trainer up here and this one is the only one that not western that you don't need your own horse to ride English.


I know what that's like. However, I suggest you keep looking for a different trainer if your current instructor refuses to listen to your concerns/issues and address them. I had to look really hard to find a trainer that was not insane, abusive, or inhumane to teach me english riding when I lived on an island (Boy. Do I have some stories!). But instead of staying in places where I could ride but was unhappy with the treatment of the horses and myself I kept looking and eventually I found someone really great. Some smaller places that offer lessons are kinda off the map in terms of marketing. Keep an eye on craigslist and notice boards at tack shops, etc. Just make sure you take an adult along to check them out (you never know and you don't want to be stranded somewhere unfamiliar and rural with no backup if things turn out to be dicey).


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

littlebird said:


> I have to disagree with Speed Racer, not everyone goes into riding wanting to be a great rider. Some people are content with their level of skill and never want to progress beyond a certain point. If you want to stay at a level that makes you feel comfortable (at least for now), are not interested in learning to ride green horses or horses with problems or training issues, or need to regain your confidence that is perfectly acceptable and should be understandable to your instructor.


I agree with Littlebird. If you are looking forward to the challenge and want to ride green horses, that is one thing. But if you just want to enjoy horses and have fun, that is okay too. That is what most adult re-riders do and nobody tells them they shouldn't be into horses unless they are up for a challenge. I know you are 15, but still. If you are not wanting to compete and just want to enjoy riding, why torment yourself?


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## KsKatt (Jun 2, 2014)

Would it be so awful to ride western? Actually, learning both styles would make you a more complete rider. 
Please think about riding with a western trainer, if that is all you can find, until you can find another english trainer. It would be way better than giving up the thing you (use to) love.
The "trainer" you're with now is destroying your desire to ride and may very well get you killed. She does not deserve your money!


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

You should be riding a horse that will allow you to improve your riding safely. Falling off 20 times is not safe. That means you are overhorsed. You're going there to learn, not to train their horses. On that note, in a lesson on a lesson horse there is no reason why the instructor should have to get on the horse. They are training you, not the horse. 

Yelling is how some people communicate, it's plain rude. However, you can talk to her about it, but I imagine that is one of the things you either accept or you don't. 

Talk to your instructor about riding a new horse. Tell her you're no longer having fun and you don't feel safe. There should be no issue about assigning you a new horse.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Have you really had about 20 falls? That would frustrate me and shake my confidence too.

I realize I could come off at any time, but you shouldn't be coming off the horse constantly. I've been riding a greenie with only 2 months professional training and he's got a big spook and occasional buck but I've only come off 2-3 times in 2 years. I do ride western. In a rough-out saddle. With bucking rolls. I don't like hitting the ground. :lol: So I guess I would recommend western as well!


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

You should always strive to be the best rider you can, and the difficult horses will be the ones to teach you that. Even being 'just a trail rider' doesn't mean you get to slack off. If all you want is low, slow, and no challenges, you still need to learn to ride properly.

I've rarely has easy horses to ride, and they made me a better rider because of it. If at 15 you're not willing to rise to a challenge, then when? The older we get the less willing we are to take chances.

Take the easy way out and find an instructor who will give you pats, love and never push you to excel. Water seeks its own level, and there are plenty of low level riders out there who never go above a slow jog. If that's your goal, then by all means change trainers.


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## KsKatt (Jun 2, 2014)

Speed Racer said:


> You should always strive to be the best rider you can, and the difficult horses will be the ones to teach you that. Even being 'just a trail rider' doesn't mean you get to slack off. If all you want is low, slow, and no challenges, you still need to learn to ride properly.
> 
> I've rarely has easy horses to ride, and they made me a better rider because of it. If at 15 you're not willing to rise to a challenge, then when? The older we get the less willing we are to take chances.
> 
> Take the easy way out and find an instructor who will give you pats, love and never push you to excel. Water seeks its own level, and there are plenty of low level riders out there who never go above a slow jog. If that's your goal, then by all means change trainers.


Striving to be your best is one thing, paying someone to destroy your confidence and risk your life is another. 
You want to put your life or the lives of your children at risk, go right on ahead.


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## FerrumEquus (May 20, 2014)

I haven't been riding long, but I agree with the other posters who say you should be looking for another instructor, or insisting on riding another horse. Some of us aren't in this to be the ultimate rider or the ultimate trainer. Some of us just want to ride nice, polite, respectful horses and have a good time doing it. Horse riding is too expensive and too dangerous under ideal circumstances to put yourself at risk when you don't want to.


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## TurkishVan (Feb 11, 2013)

Speed Racer said:


> You should always strive to be the best rider you can, and the difficult horses will be the ones to teach you that. Even being 'just a trail rider' doesn't mean you get to slack off. If all you want is low, slow, and no challenges, you still need to learn to ride properly.
> 
> I've rarely has easy horses to ride, and they made me a better rider because of it. If at 15 you're not willing to rise to a challenge, then when? The older we get the less willing we are to take chances.
> 
> Take the easy way out and find an instructor who will give you pats, love and never push you to excel. Water seeks its own level, and there are plenty of low level riders out there who never go above a slow jog. If that's your goal, then by all means change trainers.


You really are having a "hard day", aren't you? Margarita time? :wink:

I'm of the belief that people should never be pushed before they're ready. When I was younger, I rode to "have fun", and my mother bought me ponies and horses that were easy to ride. I only rode once every month or so. It just wasn't my thing at the time. When I lost my confidence, she bought me a drop-dead broke older gelding that I could go ANYWHERE on, bareback. 
My "traumatic" incident really wasn't that traumatic- I *almost* fell off, but didn't actually come off. (I had fallen off before this though, and it never phased me.) For some reason, this incident really shook me up. That gelding was the best thing that could have happened to me, and made me truly fall in love with horses. He made riding enjoyable, and although he was almost perfect, I learned a lot from him. 
My point is this: If I had just been given another poorly-trained/not-for-a-beginner horse, I wouldn't have a deep love and passion for horses, and I definitely wouldn't be on this forum. I did eventually get up the gumption to ride more difficult horses, problem horses, and young horses. But everyone allowed me to do that myself. I wasn't being pushed in to it. Some people (like myself!) simply cannot be pushed into something they're unprepared for. We have a tendency to fall apart with horses we aren't ready for. 

So OP- I'd definitely recommend a new trainer, or INSIST on a more beginner friendly type horse. If this horse has ruined your confidence, you need to go back to something calm and steady before getting harder mounts. It's simply the logical thing to do. Trying to grit your teeth and storm through it all obviously isn't helping, and is doing nothing in the long run. Get a different, easier, mount or move on.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

What I'm getting from the OPs posts is that her riding skills aren't advancing under this trainer. Regardless of how she speaks to you it sounds like it's time to find someone else, even if it is western. An instructor has to holler a bit to be heard. Yelling at someone does nothing but rattle the thinking. I am going to suggest she ask if she can ride alone without a lesson. It's amazing what can be accomplished without the instructor being around as the pressure is off.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

Find a NEW TRAINER NOW!! THIS one is using you. Tell this one to get on this horse and train it!!
You are TOO young to have to do this. I had a friend who showed HJ and spent two teenage years training and retraining HJ's for others in the stable. THOSE horses were broken and the owners wanted more speed and more height and more ribbons. It was a fairly safe enterprise for HIM. Burned him out and now he doesn't ride.
You need to ride safe horses to stretch you. "Corporal", (Arabian, bought as a 4yo, 1982-2009, RIP), as a young horse, would have been perfect for you bc he was very light, would sometimes spook and had lots of energy. THAT is what teaches you and stretches you, NOT a horse that really needs an older, very experienced and very sensitive OLDER trainer to figure out what makes the horse tick.
You do NOT need to ride one style or another. EVERY good trainer in any discipline will help you grow, right now. Once you get really good, you can shop for an apprenticeship (if that's what you want) and MOVE to a stable that trains in your favorite discipline.


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

Thier are many reason I don't like western I will not get in to it why on here if you really like to know you can message me.
I will look in to a new barn but I am not sure my mom will let me swhich because she has know her for so long. 

My goal is to show again I love the feel of all are work being put in to something 

Speed racer I am not looking for a pat on the back kind of trainer but I don't want one that is yelling at me , getting on the horse that I payed to do lesson on and 
Putting me on a green horse that most of the people believe is unsafe and crazy.
I respect where you are coming form and I get what you are say but this trainer has make me hate riding. Sometime the only thing keep me is that horse because I see how great she can be not just a fat game pony but a great dressage pony


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

the first in the fall. Then in the winter and the last few are form last week. yes she is still fat but it getting better


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

If you're not happy with what you're doing, something needs to change.

Consider changing barns, or insisting with the trainer that you do not feel safe on the horse that you're riding.

All that said... yelling can be a pretty common factor with horse trainers. Sometimes, gaining a thick skin is par for the course...


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## KsKatt (Jun 2, 2014)

Girl girly said:


> Thier are many reason I don't like western I will not get in to it why on here if you really like to know you can message me.
> I will look in to a new barn but I am not sure my mom will let me swhich because she has know her for so long.


I still say that learning different disciplines makes for a more complete rider.
Sounds like you need to sit down with your mom and really tell her what's going on. Have you told her that this woman is making you feel like giving up? Have you told her the amount of danger this woman is putting you in? Have you told her that she is using you to train a horse and that she should be paying you instead of vice versa.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Wow, that little mare is a chunk! She reminds me of my old Mustang. He was awesome. 

I guess where I am coming from, is that if you truly feel like giving up, you are over-horsed. If you are just ranting, that is fine too. But you should not give up on horses because someone is pushing you to ride a horse you don't like or feel safe on. The main purpose of riding, in my mind, since we don't use them for transportation anymore, is to have fun. If riding isn't fun, something should change. 

On the other hand, I can't imagine the instructor putting a student on a truly dangerous horse. Maybe the horse is a pain-in-the-butt and stubborn. But only you know if you feel safe or not. But you shouldn't be paying to suffer if you truly are on the verge of quitting. 

Maybe you need a heart-to-heart with your instructor.

Speed Racer, I see where you are coming from, but not everyone is in it to be a bronc buster or an Olympic level rider. It would be like everyone who rides a bicycle aiming for the tour de France. Most people just want to ride a bicycle for enjoyment. Or ride horses for enjoyment or low-level competition. Sure, be the best that you can be, but you don't have to push for the top. This is an elective sport.


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## Notanequestrian98 (Apr 25, 2014)

I second everything that every body has said so far!! Get a new trainer.. she is using you to train this horse. I don't know how you feel about the horse exactly. From what I could tell from the previous post with all the pics (beautiful btw, but wow she was chunky!!) you said the only thing keeping you is that horse. You see the potential she has.. I don't know what else you think of her, but I do understand where you're coming from. Try looking around at the Western trainers and seeing if they are willing to "expand" their teaching. I know my old trainer does that. She's an English trainer, but she doesn't mind teaching Western. Just look around! Maybe you'll find something (


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## littlebird (Jan 22, 2014)

trailhorserider said:


> On the other hand, I can't imagine the instructor putting a student on a truly dangerous horse.


Instructors who will do this are out there. Just be glad it sounds like you probably haven't met one.


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## 3ringburner (Feb 8, 2014)

This has happened to me and she yelled at me and critiqued me left and right, It sucked, We ended up moving like an hour away and sold me horse :/. She never gave me one lesson on my own horse. The first horse she put me on was 100% GREEN. She bucked with me on a trail because she didnt want to go, She spooked so much and she was CRAZY. When we got back to the barn she proceeded to tell my dad *I* Had a bad attitude and then she critiqued me and was like your heels need to be down, hands need to be lower, sit on your pockets etc. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE HORSE NOT MY LOOKS WHEN I WAS RIDING. Then she said that she would trade me stalls for lessons. i did 4 weeks worth of stalls and she gave me a total of 2 lessons. One bareback and only lasted for 20 minuets and the other with another girl. It almost made me quit riding that whenever she told me to do something someway i would do it then she would find something else to critique me on....... It really almost made me quit but now i have a new horse thats the love of my life and he will never be sold and hes my baby and my trainer right now is awesome!  Dont give up.... FIND A NEW TRAINER!


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

most the falls we' re on me and didn't fall off last mouth. i just feel like i put too so much work with her to get her where she is that i don't want to give up.


before 
she would rush at the tort 
would run around at the canter change to the left if on right 
had no clue what bending was (mia)
50-100lb overweight(still as some work )
want to circle ever five step 
herd bonded 
pushy on the ground 
you need teat to being her in ( in a field with 20 or so horse not safe)
knew a little about tort pole and jump once (mia)



now 
her tort is now at a good pace not just tanking around with the help of half halts 
canter is ok still need work but so much better then when we start 
she bend at the tort and walk sometime on the bit 
leg yield ok 
lost i don't know maybe 15-30lb 
doesn't circle unless told which is good 
she can leave the herd and not want to go right back again still needs work
less pushy but still need to learn space with rider
teat are still a must ( what can i say she is a fatty) 
we have jump up to 2 feet but need work (love her jump to death)

that what keeps me form giving up with the barn and trainer


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I'm not impressed with your coach if she lets the horse's hooves get in such an appalling state. This speaks volumes about the coach.


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## Ninamebo (May 25, 2013)

Saddlebag said:


> I'm not impressed with your coach if she lets the horse's hooves get in such an appalling state. This speaks volumes about the coach.


Took the words right out of my mouth. I was quite skeptical of your trainer from your original post. Although often tough love and a bit of stern words are in order to get a point across, you shouldn't feel as though you are being put down constantly as you ride- your confidence will never build into anything.

It also sounds to me as though you are being used as a training aid to put miles on a green horse, which is all well and good if you feel comfortable/ confident enough in your own abilities to do so- which does not sound to be the case.

Those feet though, that's enough for me to high tail it out of a facility that allows their horses hooves to get this bad. 

Start looking around for other trainers- a solid positive trainer is what you really need right now- english or western aside. Good luck.


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## KsKatt (Jun 2, 2014)

OK, I just went back and reread your original post. You did say it was a rant and did not ask for advise. 
I'm glad you got that off your chest and I wish you the best.
I am now going to stop wasting my time giving you advise that you don't want. Good luck to you!


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

In all the photos she was due to get her hoof done th next day and the only reason that they had not been done sooner is the ferrier didn't show up the times and time again now her hoof look a lot better.
Kskat thank for the help


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

Girl girly said:


> the first in the fall. Then in the winter and the last few are form last week. yes she is still fat but it getting better


I don't like this horse. I guess if this mare had a wonderful attitude I might feel differently, but the back is too long with short, stocky legs. "Toma" (grade paint, 1970-2004, RIP) was built like this, and such a lover and a babysitter, so I could forgive his choppy, jarring road trot. That made him an excellent school horse bc you had to have a good seat to sit it, so he helped my students develop their seats. Everybody loved Toma.
I was surprised at your photo and expected something with a strong build and refinement and balance. This horse is a grade "something," and since she was started badly, she would not be worth MY time retraining.
Sorry, OP, you are young and horse crazy and settling for less than the best. It doesn't sound like you want to do anything more than let off some steam. Hope that you aren't hurt by this horse. =D


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## Girl girly (Oct 21, 2012)

> I don't like this horse. I guess if this mare had a wonderful attitude I might feel differently, but the back is too long with short, stocky legs. "Toma" (grade paint, 1970-2004, RIP) was built like this, and such a lover and a babysitter, so I could forgive his choppy, jarring road trot. That made him an excellent school horse bc you had to have a good seat to sit it, so he helped my students develop their seats.


Her tort is not choppy jarring road at all it's the nice tort to sit ever one of the hardest to post. It's also very ground covering.I have used her as a gaming pony and I do not have a good seat I would not be able to sit those turn if what you said was true about her tort just because of the way she is build.


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## dernhelm1984 (Dec 19, 2013)

OP, I get the impression you are rather fond of this horse despite all of her issues, and it's probably because you have been working with her for some time now. I think the reason you are balking at moving trainers might be due to the time you have put in with her... however please understand that you absolutely do NOT have to throw all your cards in on this one horse. There are plenty of _suitable_ lesson horses out there that can show you a wonderful time and be the steady mount you need to improve your riding.

As for your mother knowing this trainer, you have got to sit down with her. 
You are not having fun, right? Horseback riding and horses are ultimately supposed to be for enjoyment for a majority of people. For you? Things are not improving. The trainer is calling you out and embarrassing you while _even admitting you shouldn't be on that particular horse._ You've fallen off of this horse *20 times*! That doesn't sound like it would be fun for anyone!! I would hope your mother can understand that and help you find a new trainer and barn with new horses.



> Then told me that Mia knows that my riding not good and is using it to get out of work because I don't have the leg to get her there ( what bugs me is that she didnt just say it to me she said it in fount of like 6 people who were getting ready to do games. )


 Your trainer outright ADMITTED that you shouldn't be on this horse right there. And whose fault is that? The trainer's. Yet she called you out on it and embarrassed you like it was your fault. I understand some trainers yelling and having to grow some tough skin, but I think this is ridiculous. Trainers might yell and embarrass you (usually it is not on purpose but to help you improve btw) but they also need to know the level of your riding skill and _put you on a suitable mount_. And girl, you are clearly _not_ riding a suitable mount. 

Look at the horse's feet in the pictures you posted! If your "trainer" is not committed to caring well for her own horses, he/she does not sound like a person I would even trust to teach lessons.

I don't know why you don't like Western riding but I will tell you this: even if you have to ride Western, you'll be having a heck of a lot more FUN doing it on a suitable lesson horse with a good trainer than riding English on a mount that isn't up to par with a trainer who, from what I've read and seen here, shouldn't be training you at all. Plus as someone mentioned before, many Western trainers know about English riding (and to be honest, learning Western and getting comfortable with yourself and a horse would be a helpful stepping stone even if you eventually go back to the English because they are fairly similar). Go talk to them about your situation and look around for a new barn and trainer. 

I know it might be a little hard to leave Mia behind, but please remember that you are not having fun or learning anything on her. Your trainer is pretty much using you to train her horse, and that is not what you need. DO NOT SETTLE.

Good luck to you.


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## Gossalyn (Sep 12, 2013)

Every trainer should learn the art of delivering criticism but also finding things to compliment. No human can take constant criticism and maintain their motivation. My trainer right now is tough on me. But anytime I start to think "i suck!" (which i probably do!) she offers a beautiful compliment too, and it's those compliments how ever big or small that make me think there's hope for me after all, lol.

And then this thought is a little "uneducated" on my part - but sometimes w/ Green horses I see trainers ride them in western saddles either way - I assume because there's a better seat on them.. so maybe you're not learning to ride western per say, but it could be worth training w/ a western saddle (or any saddle w/ a deeper seat).

don't worry about your trainer calling you out in front of people - those people all have their issues too, and if you're on a green horse your trainer probably thinks it's more important to be hard on you. There are more consequences to you doing things wrong on a green horse, than your friends messing up on a school horse.

I wish you would switch horses for a little and maybe come back to this one, but if your determined and gonna do it... I can't stop you! Try and be open w/ your trainer. Even just asking her if for every three things she's on your case for, if she could offer one thing of encouragement about something you are doing right?

your mental state is going to play a huge role in your success. and I guarantee you there are probably lots of things you do well in addition to the things you have to fix.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Now that her feet have been trimmed, and I hope they have, she'll be a lot more comfortable. Long toes can be painful and by the amount she broke off it seems they were pretty long.


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