# Coward



## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

Some of you know I bought my first horse back in February. I'm not a complete beginner. I've taken a lot of lessons and leased a few horses in the past. I've ridden Mission (my Rocky gelding) a total of four times since I got him.

The last time I rode was Wednesday. We didn't really have any problems other than we were in the round pen, he fought me a little on the left turns and he takes several steps after I ask him to stop. He flexes to both sides very well and will yield his hindquarters.

I thought that I might need a more severe bit, but was afraid to change him out of the plain O-ring snaffle. It looks like they actually used a sweet iron wonder gag bit on him at the place where I bought him, so I went and bought one of those. I thought he might respond a bit better to going left and coming to a halt.

Once I got it attached to the bridle, I realized that it wasn't going to work with the headstall I have because he has a small head and this new bit adds a bit of length. Ugh. I was already pushing it with the O-ring snaffle as far as length.

What I guess I should have done is put the O-ring back on and just got on and ridden him out into the paddock by the barn. I even had his saddle on and the girth tightened up.

I lost my nerve again. There was nobody out there with me, which probably makes a big difference. But I just couldn't do it. I ended up braiding his mane, unsaddling him and putting him away. What the hell is wrong with me? It's a gorgeous day outside. He did great with the lunging before I saddled him up. I know how to do a one-rein stop in case he gets a little out of hand (which isn't likely).

It just feels like such a horrible joke that my husband finally agreed to spend the money for such a great horse and now I don't have the guts to actually ride him!  :-(


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

Time time time time time. 
I have horses where if they sit for a month they need time, and dont ride the way they did when i was riding them everyday. 
What i would do is stay in the round pen for a while. Work him going around, across the pen, do some figure 8s in there. Just ride your horse. The not stopping could be lack of riding and it may come back with time. When you stop back him up a few steps. Then he should expect to start backing up and stop harder.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Totally agree. In fact, I have Clinton Andersons dvd's-regaining lost confidence, which I have actually sent to a friend to see if they will help her. he spends LOTS of time just in the round pen, getting really comfortable with your horse. Make sure you are solid in your gaits and control before you leave there. Build your confidence there. I used to practice all sort of exercises to get my horse soft and supple and really listening to me-winding down (making circles smaller) then winding out....without using your reins. Try using just your legs to control your horse. It is a great exercise and does help confidence. When you get it at a walk-speed up. It is much harder than you would think. You can also teach your horse to stop without your reins. Personally I hate to go up in bits. Learn to make your horse more responsive to you. You can never out pull a horse. I don't care what bit you use.


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

Before you switch bits go to the training section and read the sticky at the top about will your horse repond to the bit? It helps and it may help you learn about softness which is great in a horse.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

Don't give up and you don't need to be too hard on yourself. Sometimes being scared just shows good sense. 

You got good suggestions already. Is there any chance you can find an experienced rider to help you select a bit?

One of the best things a more experienced horseman/woman can do is help you know what is normal behavior and what is misbehavior (plus giving tips on how to correct it).


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## DressageDreamer (Feb 29, 2012)

My opinion is if you are feeling fear, please do not attempt to ride all by yourself. The horse will sense this in you and it could make things even worse for you. Even if you don't have a "horsey" friend, anyone that can be there should you need help or encouragement would be a great idea.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Totally agree. I have learned over the years that I have days when it is best for me not to ride. It is not a good thing for him or me, and I will not have a good ride. Those days we do other things. THis helps to insure we always do something positive.


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## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

Thanks everybody. I think I will put that plain snaffle back on him in the morning and stick with round pen walking until I am more confident.. It is just frustrating to feel such fear when I know this horse has been so well trained.


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

Do what you need to to get your confidence up. Many of us go thru it.


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## corgi (Nov 3, 2009)

I too, just got my horse in February. I am just now to the point where I am not afraid to ride her. I got over my fear and built up my confidence with a month of lessons from a really good instructor. My mare had been sensing my fear ( i was thrown by a different horse on New New Year's Eve and was so afraid she would throw me too) and was really being a butthead.

I was suprised at how quickly my confidence came back with some lessons. I even rode her on a trail all by myself last Thursday.


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

sjwrightauthor said:


> Thanks everybody. I think I will put that plain snaffle back on him in the morning and stick with round pen walking until I am more confident.. It is just frustrating to feel such fear when I know this horse has been so well trained.


Something to think about. Dont expect the world out of him if he hasnt been riden for a while. Treat him like a young horse and think ok we covered one milestone today and that is great. Dont get mad about one problem. Focus the good things he did and not the mistakes, you will be happier riding him and not get so mad that he didnt do what you want.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

I would ride in the round pen for a while. That should be pretty safe. Wear a helmet. Just get on and ride. Stay at a walk for a while. If you ride successfully for 10 minutes, you have done something good. Riding more often is better than riding longer. I would bite the bullet and get up and ride just so long as this is a trained horse. So he didn't turn left just perfectly; keep trying. I am basically a chicken hearted person and I go through this on occasion. You have to ride to get your confidence up.


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## blue eyed pony (Jun 20, 2011)

I used to be really nervous. My horse is a lovely boy, really easy to ride, and educated like yours, but I was heavy on his mouth and I would lean forward if he went faster than I wanted him to and he couldn't cope with that. It ended in me coming off badly and getting hurt, and I have struggled with confidence since. I used to feel sick at the prospect of riding.

What I did, was I put the equipment on my horse that I felt comfortable riding in. For me, that was a plain French link snaffle for flatting, and a kimblewick for jumping and hacking out, but it could be anything for you. Two rides in the kimblewick and I was feeling in control enough that I could concentrate on my responses to my horse being silly. I still ride in my kimblewick for jumping and I won't ride my horse cross-country without using the strongest rein setting, but I'm a different rider and we mostly have good rides now.

I do pop him over small jumps with his snaffle on now, which is something I just didn't do when I first put the kimblewick on. I haven't had a lesson since before I started using the kimblewick and though my coach gave me a lot of confidence I'm kind of dreading the day he sees the bit I use - he was dead against me bitting up!

IMO, use the equipment you feel like you have enough control in, and your confidence will improve. HOWEVER, I also think that you should do more round pen work in the snaffle working on stop. Stop means STOP NOW and if you don't get it, the horse needs to back up to the place where you first asked for the halt. With my boy, that can be anywhere from half a stride to halfway down the school, depending on how he's feeling, the speed we're going, and what bit I'm using. The important part is that I do demand the stop, and I do get it (regardless of how much force it takes - and a suggestion, don't use constant pressure, check and release), and that my horse backs up to the place where I originally asked for the halt.


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## mypets (Mar 2, 2012)

Oh boy do I know what you are going through! It's been almost a year since I got thrown and broke a bunch of ribs and collapsed my lung. I got rid of that horse (found her a good home) and bought an older gelding. I still have my old tried and true trail horse mare but I'm reluctant to even get on her. The fear is always there. But I did get on her this week and rode her for a bit around my yard with my hubby there. She was just as she always was but I'm still nervous. I can feel myself getting all tensed up even though she doesn't do anything bad. I made the decision today to take lessons to help boost my confidence. I want to get back to being the rider I used to be but I find myself pulling out all kinds of excuses not to ride, ya know?


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

How funny this should be here. I am going through same thing. 56, been riding all my life except for last couple of years, and now I am hesitant about riding? AND just bought a new horse last summer too.

But all you hear/read and know about is the donts, and the be carefuls and the such and such happened to so and so, and in the end? It makes you more worried, if not outright terrified to ride at all. All of the constant "get a helmet" gets to you after a while too, or it has me.

The more you do ride though, the better you will feel I think.


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

I have 2 really good horses, but since I have not ridden alone for the last few years ( & if I did-it wasn't problem-free) I now have to wait for a trail buddy. Too bad DH won't ride, but he's into things w/wheels & motors. I'm in a totally new environment & lots of areas don't even have street signs,so I don't feel comfortable out alone & I guess the snakes will be coming out soon, too. 

But please don't call yourseslf a coward, you are into self-preservation & w/better weather coming, you'll probably be spending more time w/your horse soon. We're getting wind right now & rain & snow is on the way-I hope that will be the last snow of the season.


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## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

My hubby prefers four wheels as well, but I am trying to turn him into a horse person. Not an easy task.....lol


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## mypets (Mar 2, 2012)

Please don't call yourself a coward, you aren't that at all. Sometimes it just takes a while to get over your fear so take all the time you need to work it out. And don't let anyone push you into doing anything you don't feel ready for.


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## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

Thanks, mypets.


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## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

I am going back up in the saddle later this morning. Hopefully all will go well.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

sjwrightauthor said:


> I am going back up in the saddle later this morning. Hopefully all will go well.


You definitely aren't a coward! But I highly recommend lessons  With or without your boy a part of them, that will help with confidence!


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## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

Once I get Mission moved to his new barn, I can bring in the trainer that I like. This morning I'm heading over to break the news that we're leaving our current barn, and I also plan on riding for a while in the round pen. If I can keep him from eating the tall grass growing in there.

Wish me luck! And thanks to everybody for the encouragement. This forum really is a great source of support. It is also highly addictive! Hugs to you all and I'll let you know how it goes.


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## DimSum (Mar 28, 2012)

mypets said:


> Please don't call yourself a coward, you aren't that at all. Sometimes it just takes a while to get over your fear so take all the time you need to work it out. And don't let anyone push you into doing anything you don't feel ready for.


/nods in 100% agreement


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## sjwrightauthor (Feb 5, 2012)

Ugh... another dismal failure. When I first got out there, I went back to see if there was anything going on out by the round pen and to see if the arena floor was done. It was! That's great, I thought. 

So I went down to the barn, got Mission out, picked out his hooves, brushed him and saddled him up. Right as I was putting the bridle on, two trucks drove by on the way up to the round pen/arena area. When I led him up there, they had the backhoe going (scary noise and weird yellow monster, according to Mission).

So I just took him into the round pen and let him get used to the noise and stuff for a little while. After about fifteen minutes, he seemed totally relaxed. So I got on. As soon as my butt hit the saddle, the fear started sneaking up on me. He sensed it, and suddenly he was looking like the noisy yellow monsters outside the round pen were going to jump into the round pen and kill him.

He turned his head to look at them, eyes as wide as saucers. My fear went through the roof. I dropped my stirrups. As soon as I did that, he took off across the round pen like a complete crackhead. I had reached out and grabbed onto the top rail of the fence right before he took off.

So ONCE AGAIN, I was left dangling on the fence after having been dumped by this horse. I calmly caught him, took him back to the barn, unsaddled him and turned him loose in the small pasture.

I realize that having the construction equipment out there was the real reason for him spooking, but what THE HELL? It seems like we're never going to be able to get this right.


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

Do you lunge him much? I think you two need to start over build his trust in you. Lunge him back and forth set in front of him get the to stop and go the other direction. Get him doing bit circles and small ones. just have fun working him in the round pen.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

I feel your pain. It is really easy for me to get intimidated too. My horse is too spooky. I wonder if you should look into trading for an older, calmer horse. I know that I should, but I have so much invested in this horse, and she is what I wanted all my life. (Back when my body was younger......... )


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

sjwrightauthor said:


> So ONCE AGAIN, I was left dangling on the fence after having been dumped by this horse. I calmly caught him, took him back to the barn, unsaddled him and turned him loose in the small pasture.
> 
> I realize that having the construction equipment out there was the real reason for him spooking, but what THE HELL? It seems like we're never going to be able to get this right.



You'll get it! Believe me.. I should have recorded my rides on Sky when he was a looney bin. I couldn't even get on he'd spook so bad. And once I did get on he'd start prancing around without me and take off in a very all-over-the-place trot and I'd just have to sit and post with him (rather than setting the speed) but the goof boy never broke into a canter or hand gallop until later.. 

It takes time and it takes a good trainer. Personally I'd spend some time on the ground with him. Don't ride him until he's an absolute angel on the ground and until you get a trainer to look at him.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

sjwrightauthor said:


> Ugh... another dismal failure. When I first got out there, I went back to see if there was anything going on out by the round pen and to see if the arena floor was done. It was! That's great, I thought.
> 
> So I went down to the barn, got Mission out, picked out his hooves, brushed him and saddled him up. Right as I was putting the bridle on, two trucks drove by on the way up to the round pen/arena area. When I led him up there, they had the backhoe going (scary noise and weird yellow monster, according to Mission).
> 
> ...


You are absolutely not a failure!! You did so many things RIGHT. I don't want to repeat myself because I posted a reply on the other thread "on a Mission" but I need to add something. Most gaited show horses don't do a lot of stopping, so he may not understand that you want to stop again so soon after you get on, but he can learn. Make stopping a pleasure for him by rubbing his neck or even just saying "easy" or "good boy" works. 
Start from the ground then get on and do it.

Everyone who has ever ridden has experienced fear, but if you focus on something else, like your position, say keeping your legs relaxed and off his ribs, maybe you can get past it.


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## Celeste (Jul 3, 2011)

Something that helps me is to get my husband to hold my horse while I mount and for another minute or so. If she is doing really bad, he will lead me around on her until she settles down.


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## Heelsdown (Jun 5, 2011)

I'm sorry you are going through this. Boy can I relate to so many of the feelings. 

I don't know how attached you are to Mission and I don't want to sound like I'm telling you to sell him. But I've really realized a lot of things about myself in the past few months and what I like and don't like. I thought I liked gaited horses. I thought for sure I would be buying a gaited horse when the time came. They have the reputation for being such good beginner horses.

But IMO, (and this is my humble opinion only) I don't feel comfortable on them. Sure the ride is more comfy and a good gaited horse makes you feel like you are gliding or skating on ice. It's amazing the difference. But their mannerisms ultimately make me nervous. I don't like the feeling like they are in a hurry to get everywhere. I don't like the head carriage and bobbing thing. The impulsion (or whatever you call it) makes me feel like they are about to bolt even though they aren't. I've spent the last few months switching back and forth between gaited and non and while I do enjoy gaited horses from the ground and I appreciate them for what they do, I realized they are just a bit much for this old bird. I don't feel 100% comfortable around them. I want to hit the trails at a steady walk and occasional trot. The gait left my stomach all churny. 

Is is possible that this is what is happening to you? Maybe the feel of a different, slower gait will make you more comfortable and relaxed? Fear just kills the whole experience. There is really no point in riding if you are going to be fearful all the time. On the other hand,it's possible that it's not the horse at all. It's just something you need to work on for yourself.
But I know for me personally, the horse I ride makes all the difference in the world in my confidence level. An experienced rider can hop on most any horse and make it work. I'm nowhere near that level yet. For now, I need to be riding a horse I'm comfortable on first and foremost. Then I can work on my riding skills and confidence. 
Just a thought. Best of luck to you!


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## Radiowaves (Jul 27, 2010)

Hope you can reach him.... "Wheels and engines" can't look at you with kind eyes and won't greet you with a quiet nicker... I've worked on that stuff all my life but I'll take a horse every time if given a choice!  You'll win him over sooner or later...




sjwrightauthor said:


> My hubby prefers four wheels as well, but I am trying to turn him into a horse person. Not an easy task.....lol


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheBlaze (Apr 30, 2012)

Heelsdown - please don't be turned off of gaited horses. The experience you had is in no way indicative of all gaited horses. My horses are calm, slow when asked, and trustworthy. Not all gaited horses have a head bob or a huge engine.

SJ - it's always ok to get off. That doesn't make you a coward. Safety should always be number one for you and your horse. It's perfectly normal to be scared by an incident. And it can take a LONG time to get back to where you used to be. Take it SLOW! Finding a trusted friend or trainer will make a world of difference. It's so much harder trying to get through it alone.


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## mypets (Mar 2, 2012)

feel your pain. It is really easy for me to get intimidated too. My horse is too spooky. I wonder if you should look into trading for an older, calmer horse. I know that I should, but I have so much invested in this horse, and she is what I wanted all my life. (Back when my body was younger......... ) 


(sorry for some reason I can't seem to use the quote function so I cut and pasted)

This^^^^ was me with the mare who broke my ribs. I cut my losses and found her a new home and bought an older gelding that had been a kid's show horse. Although I have yet to ride him here, I did ride him without fear when I bought him. And I have been riding my old trail mare more and more. It's true, the more I ride her and remember what a good girl she is the better I feel about riding in general. Funny thing tho, she used to be my "wild and crazy" mare, and replaced my old tried and true mare who gave me confidence. Now she's the one giving me back the confidence that the young silly mare took away!

And the last time I rode my good girl, I stupidly put her in a situation where she spooked. She came out of it without a lot of fuss and I rode right through it with no fear because I have gotten more relaxed with her from riding her again. I was really mad at myself for causing the problem, but pretty pleased that I wasn't afraid, know what I mean?


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## Army wife (Apr 29, 2012)

IMO, the fact that your horse was very calm until you got nervous just shows that he trusts you and see's you as his leader. Your nervous, so he immediately thinks "oh crap, what should I be scared of??!!" And will start looking for things to be scared of, not knowing he is what is making you nervous. Don't give up on yourself or your horse. My mare has dumped me so many times, and she used to make me very nervous. But with the right help, you can overcome it. Now, there's hardly anything that will spook her, because I trust her and have become very comfortable around her. You are not a coward!! It's smart that you didn't get on him in your original post. Sometimes we have that gut feeling for a reason. Not because our horses are mean or intend to hurt us, but because we know that something just isn't right. Sounds like your horse is very sensitive to you, like mine is to me. You just gotta have faith in yourself that you will become a better rider with time. You got this girl!!!


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