# Should I say something to this boarder?



## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

I am a very honest and straight forward person in general. I'm not big on talking about people behind their backs.. If I can't say it to their face it's not worth saying. So this is KILLING me! P

About a month ago, I had a lady come visit my facility and put a deposit down to hold 2 boarding spots. I always ask where they are coming from and why they are moving. Some people answer, some don't but I'd like to know.

I send out an email newsletter every month with what's going on at the barn.. construction, rule changes, cool tid-bits of information.. when the shows are..how people did.. and I also introduce new boarders.

For Septembers newsletter.. I welcomed this lady and her 2 horses and said "Susie will be joining us from XOX Stables in October, but with the way things are going at XOX it may be sooner." I look back at this and regret it but it was meant to imply that no place is perfect. In that same newsletter I was also giving boarders notice that we are increasing our rates $25 (because we are adding new amenities). I also took away the farrier credit if people used their own farrier. (I included farrier in board, or gave a $15 a month discount if they used their own but it was becoming a pain so I just took the discount a away). A small group of boarders were a little POed that they have to pay for their own farrier heaven forbid. I'm the only barn in the area that includes it! but thats a different gripe...

To the point!! The reason the lady left the other barn was because the barn owners were running everyone off, and their boarders were leaving in droves. My new boarder explained that when other boarders gave their notice at XOX Stable, the barn owners would make their lives hell and run them off. XOX was having the vet out to do their whole farm's vaccinations but told my new boarder that she wasn't going to allow the vet to vaccinate her two horses. When my new boarder confronted her.. the barn owner showed her a print out of MY newsletter. Apparently someone at MY barn forwarded MY newsletter the the barn owner at XOX and the barn owner at XOX refused to take care of their horses and wouldn't tell my new boarder who sent the email.

My new boarder's friend found out which one of my boarders forwarded the email and I'm not happy that they would stir the pot like that! They cost my new boarder (who is the nicest lady!) $1300 in board for the month of September! The boarder to stirred the pot, I hardly know and have never ****ed off these people... in fact, they paid a deposit to hold their boarding spot and didn't come for 6 months and I still let them in!

I want to say something soooo bad but don't know if I should. I'm not really mad, but just ashamed of them. I'm not looking to start a fight or **** people off but I hate people getting away with that sort of thing!


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## Citrus (Feb 26, 2010)

What would you say?


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## Amir (Nov 18, 2009)

The way I see it, if you say something the only thing you could really say is "why did you forward the newsletter to XOX??" and then they can just deny it ever happening. It's going to be their word against yours for proving they even did anything in the first place.
It would be kinda pointless because then they could end up going around starting more crap saying you abused them for no reason or something of the like.
People are stupid. Then there are also stupid people who just love to start drama. And I know plenty of people like that...


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

That reminds me.. my new boarders were trying to get another lady that was moving out of XOX to move to my barn but would've because of something that the bad boarder said about my place. Which is really odd because we havn't had any issues with the bad boarder. The only thing I can think of is that their pasture boarded horse is covered in boo boo's because his horse has worked hard to be top ranking in the heard..My mare is the devil to beat and he did but she got in a few good licks of her own. A new horse always gets a few little scrapes and I warn everyone before they do pasture boarder and they didn't seem to care.

Most of all I just want to know why.. I would never kick them out just because they did that.. I'm not like XOX stables.. They paid me on time and I fully intend to provide the services they paid me for.


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## WickedNag (Sep 7, 2010)

Hmm so as I am also straight forward the boarder didn't really cause the problem but you did. The boarder forwarded something that you said in type "behind someone's back" If you didn't want to stand behind what you said in print it should never have been typed imo. 

I think you can see where I am coming from but it was no different in an email than it would have been if you were having a meeting at the barn and someone went and told her. 

I think in this case you need to realize who really cost the boarder so much in Sept and it wasn't the boarder. JMHO!


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Let this be an important lesson in life. Do not put in print things you do not want someone else to read.

You were wrong, as you seem to know now. Was the boarder who sent along the email wrong too? Sure, some what. But heck, maybe she is friends with XOX and did not like seeing her friend bad mouthed. Maybe there was an unrelated tid bit in your news letter (you say you include little fact tid bits, etc) that she was sharing with her friend. Or maybe she just thought it was wrong of you to put that there.

Bottom line, you were wrong. Do not get your panties bunched because some one pointed out that you were wrong.

You probably should not post the new boarders in your news letter until they have already left the old place.


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## Shenandoah (Aug 9, 2010)

starlinestables said:


> because of something that the bad boarder said about my place.


I'm not a BO, but I think this would be more concerning than a forwarded newsletter.
Is there maybe a way you could approach this boarder and say something like: I'm doing a general survey of my boarders (ask the same to other boarders in case she asks around) and was just wondering how you are enjoying it here, if you have any suggestions for things that could be improved, etc? See if you can get her talking about what problems she has. At least then you'll know where she's coming from, and can maybe address the issue. Clearly the forwarding of the newsletter is just a symptom of a bigger problem, if she's also saying bad things about your place.


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## WickedNag (Sep 7, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> Let this be an important lesson in life. Do not put in print things you do not want someone else to read.


But if the op is as she states she doesn't talk behind people's back than IMO has not problem standing behind what she put in writing. 

I stand behind what I say and if I am wrong I am willing to stand behind that too. 

so just as you stated, don't get your panties in a wad...just move forward and let it go at that. A better way to have worded the newsletter would have read 
We would like to Welcome Border A who will be joining us from Barn XOX in October, maybe sooner. And than if Boarder A wanted to disclose why she was leaving to other borders it would have been on her and she would be answering to the accusations. 

Lesson learned, sometimes they are a bitter pill to swallow but from that all we can ever do is move forward.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

How is this person a bad boarder if - until now - they have never done anything to be present on your radar?

I don't tell existing boarders where new boarders are coming from - or why. Not my business to tell.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

WickedNag said:


> But if the op is as she states she doesn't talk behind people's back than IMO has not problem standing behind what she put in writing.


The OP talks about her boarders very frequently on this BB. :wink: Does that not count as talking about them behind their backs?




mls said:


> I don't tell existing boarders where new boarders are coming from - or why. Not my business to tell.
> ​




I totally agree. TOTALLY!
​


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## WickedNag (Sep 7, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> The OP talks about her boarders very frequently on this BB. :wink: Does that not count as talking about them behind their backs?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


LOL I suppose it does but of course, I am assuming no one knows who she is talking about. 

I suppose we all need to vent at times but I think it really needs to be kept to a minimum, no one wants to listen to anyone who complains all the time. And no I am not stating that statement is directed to the op, that is just a blanket statement


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

WickedNag said:


> LOL I suppose it does but of course, I am assuming no one knows who she is talking about.


I am assuming she does not have so many hundreds of boarders that if any one of them read this BB they would all know who she is talking about. :wink:
It is not like she does not clearly state who she is, so no guessing on what barn we are talking about.



WickedNag said:


> I suppose we all need to vent at times but I think it really needs to be kept to a minimum, no one wants to listen to anyone who complains all the time. And no I am not stating that statement is directed to the op, that is just a blanket statement


Do not disagree. 

Some vents need to be shared with friends. Not posted on the internet for all to read. And certainly do not turn around after posting them on the internet and claim you do not talk about people behind their backs.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

There's no such thing as real anonymity on the internet.

Any of her boarders could find this BB and read things about themselves they probably wouldn't like to see.

I know the OP was just trying to be 'chatty' with her boarders by writing up a newsletter but unfortunately, as she's found out, things like that can come back to haunt you.

I've always figured if people want to share their stories, they'll do it themselves. Welcoming a new boarder is all well and good, but I'd leave the personal information out of it.


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## ErikaLynn (Aug 3, 2010)

So you pretty much gave out personal information to a whole bunch of people. Wow, I would be ****ed too. And you just did it a second time by posting it here. You need to keep you mouth shut. Sorry.


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## herdbound (Aug 30, 2010)

I would say whatever you feel like you need to say or it will only fester and come out in an uncontrolled outburst plus add alot of tension to the environment. Just say what is on your mind in a way that conveys your feelings that they betrayed you. You were wrong in writing heresay, you know that. Own up to it and apologize - get that off of your chest as well. You probably ticked them off with taking away the discount or something, you never know with people. Maybe you should consider sending out a new newsletter with the sole purpose of apologizing for your own actions, and then confront the people who shared the info. Sh*t stirring will only get worse if you don't nip it in the bud and I am sure you don't want your business to flop over one error...be professional about it not caddy.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

starlinestables said:


> I am a very honest and straight forward person in general. I'm not big on talking about people behind their backs.. If I can't say it to their face it's not worth saying. So this is KILLING me! P


I think the fact that your post started with this statement as a disclaimer is telling. Not trying to be rude here but what you did by printing what is essentially gossip in a newsletter contradicts this very statement and is evidence of conduct in a manner most unprofessional, if I was moving to your barn I would be reconsidering my decision based entirely on this story. Now that isn't to say that it is a true relfection of your character but for people that don't know you that may be all they have to go on.

I think the lady that is moving to your barn deserves an apology from you for making her life more difficult than it was. I also think the other barn owners deserve an apology since what you said was offensive and based on hearsay, not on your own experience (not that I think anyone would actually apologize to them in real life for such a transgression, that type of thing happens all the time).

I hope everything works out for everyone and most importantly that the horse in question is still being looked after appropiately, after all, it isn't his/her fault that all these humans are being childish!

Hopefully you will be careful what you print in your newsletter, stick to uplifting stories and positive thoughts, no one will ever be offended by that type of publication! Also bear in mind that if you print and distribute something you are opening yourself to all sorts of defamation accusations if you say something negative that can't be substantiated, tread very very carefully there.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

herdbound said:


> then confront the people who shared the info. Sh*t stirring will only get worse if you don't nip it in the bud and I am sure you don't want your business to flop over one error...be professional about it not caddy.


Not confront - no. That will get around the area very quickly. "Don't cross Star - she'll rip your head off." REAL good way to get a bad reputation as a b!tch and closed minded BO. If anything - ask that in the future if they have any issues - they bring them to you instead of forwarding to anyone else.

Bascially - what's done is done. Own up and apologize for your actions. As a BO it can be very hard to leave emotions behind. Boarding is truly about people - with horses thrown in to stir the pot.


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

I agree, as a former boarder, that there are a lot of boarders who feed on the drama - and there's always some type of drama in a barn. If you apologize to the new boarders for letting it slip out in the newsletter and causing problems for them, they will have to respect you for that. You could maybe give them a discount privately on their first month's board or throw in something extra for them? Let's face it, most people today don't have the integrity to own up to an error in judgment (such as saying, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how that sounded in print; it's a lesson learned that people gossip in the horsey community...") and it takes the wind out of others' sails when you own up that you would do it differently the next time. 

Do this face to face - it's too easy to make mistakes when something is put in writing, it's misunderstood or picked apart word by word. (Just like the newsletter.) 

I don't know that I agree that an apology is necesary to the former barn owners...IMHO that depends on your community and how connected the barns are in your area, and how much damage the newsletter did to your own business and reputation. I think that if the former barn owners are mad, their action will be to go to a lawyer whether or not they get an apology from you...and anything you say can be used against you. 

And I agree with the other posters that your grumpy boarder needs to be talked with, to let them express whatever burr is under their saddle, so to speak. You may or may not want to try to fix the problem, but it's fair to ask them to bring their issues directly to you instead of spreading innuendo and bad mouthing you to others. I think if I ever were a barn owner I'd make up a 'code of conduct' for boarders, to include that type of thing! Tell me first, or hold your tongue, so to speak! :?


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## WickedNag (Sep 7, 2010)

My last post on this thread. If my friend was the barn owner of the other barn, you would bet I would let her know. I never read in the op's post the that the person who forwarded the email was grumpy, but as others have stated on here, it should have NEVER been included in a newsletter.

I would have been hesitant to air my feelings here as well. As the forwarded email combined with the op's original post could make for a great libel suit. LIBEL: a false and malicious publication printed for the purpose of defaming a living person. For those who don't understand the difference in libel and slander. 
The only person to blame here is the op who had an obligation not to disclose the name of the barn in question. Though she did not here it was clearly evident according to the op in her email. I have been a long time boarder and still board. I would never bad mouth any of the places I have boarded at. But that is just me....

ETA: The reason this is my last post on the subject is I can beat a subject to death when my mind it not going to be changed. Just as I don't expect to change anyone else's I don't need to keep repeating myself by rewording my thoughts. :lol:


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

WickedNag said:


> For those who don't understand the difference in libel and slander.


Basically, one is written and one is spoken. Slander is spoken.


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

I do accept some of the responsibility for this obviously.. I think what the mystery boarder did was shameful, and above all shame XOX stables for treating their boarders like that. ** By the way I emailed the XOX barn owner and told her that I wasn't trying to talk bad about her facility per say, and I could personally care less how she conducts her business (because if she wants to run off all her boarders to me that would be great!) among other things..**

I do post a lot about my boarders... as I've said in my previous posts that I come from a training background and I've only been a barn owner for 2 years so I frequently want other peoples opinions on how to handle certain situations. I do no however, talk about boarders or even other barn owners behind their backs. I might ask here first, but I always go to them myself and address the situation. Not to mention, if I talk about someone good or bad, I have no problem saying it to their face. When I was full I have sent people to XOX not knowing much about their facility. If someone ask me about another facility or person I will give my honest opinion which usually includes something good and something bad.

With my newsletters, I do like to introduce people and other boarders have said they like it as well.. But I guess you can't please everyone. I don't always include the other barns but I don't usually say whether or no it's good or bad circumstances. I have one boarder who came from a multi-million dollar state of the art facility to my place and introduced her as such in a light hearted manner. I jokingly asked her why she would want to come to my dump for? So I'm not above admitting what my facilities strengths and weaknesses are.


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## leonalee (Jul 1, 2010)

Unfortunately, I think you need to just chalk this one up to a "hoof in mouth" experience and let it go with the knowledge that as someone who doesn't like to talk behind other people's backs, you said something you shouldn't have. I guarantee that confronting your "bad boarder" will result in a bad relationship, or worse, they'll leave. I agree with the prior response: it isn't your business to tell other boarders where new boarders are coming from. Welcoming someone to your barn family is always kind, but to be honest, I'd be kind of POd if I were the new boarder and got that email :/ Good luck!


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## twinkat1 (Sep 23, 2010)

I think this was a privacy issue & we should all be more careful of the consequences. I was at a boarding stable that when I told them I was leaving that weekend, after giving them more than 30 days notice, locked my horse in her stall. I had to call the police and sell my horse in order to get her out. People can be cruel.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

twinkat1 said:


> I think this was a privacy issue & we should all be more careful of the consequences. I was at a boarding stable that when *I told them I was leaving that weekend, after giving them more than 30 days notice, locked my horse in her stall*. I had to call the police and sell my horse in order to get her out. People can be cruel.


Surely there is more to it than that?


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## twinkat1 (Sep 23, 2010)

DA, the owners of the stable were trying to keep the good, paying boarders from leaving & they took advantage of me by using my horse as a lesson horse. I had to bring my own hay because my horse wouldn't eat the horrible stuff they were giving her. They fed my hay to all the horses because they were out. Never reimbursed me. I had to go to the barn every night, because I did not trust them. I loved the place, but not the care. It was a strange situation.


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

twinkat1 said:


> DA


What is DA?

As a BO - I would never lock a horse in a stall. WAAAAYYYY more work for me than is worth it.


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## twinkat1 (Sep 23, 2010)

Da, means yes, learned it in Romania


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## DubyaS6 (Aug 30, 2010)

starlinestables said:


> I do accept some of the responsibility for this obviously.. I think what the mystery boarder did was shameful, and above all shame XOX stables for treating their boarders like that. ** By the way I emailed the XOX barn owner and told her that I wasn't trying to talk bad about her facility per say, and I could personally care less how she conducts her business (because if she wants to run off all her boarders to me that would be great!) among other things..**
> 
> I do post a lot about my boarders... as I've said in my previous posts that I come from a training background and I've only been a barn owner for 2 years so I frequently want other peoples opinions on how to handle certain situations. I do no however, talk about boarders or even other barn owners behind their backs. I might ask here first, but I always go to them myself and address the situation. Not to mention, if I talk about someone good or bad, I have no problem saying it to their face. When I was full I have sent people to XOX not knowing much about their facility. If someone ask me about another facility or person I will give my honest opinion which usually includes something good and something bad.
> 
> With my newsletters, I do like to introduce people and other boarders have said they like it as well.. But I guess you can't please everyone. I don't always include the other barns but I don't usually say whether or no it's good or bad circumstances. I have one boarder who came from a multi-million dollar state of the art facility to my place and introduced her as such in a light hearted manner. I jokingly asked her why she would want to come to my dump for? So I'm not above admitting what my facilities strengths and weaknesses are.


I KNEW the name of this place looked familiar.

I have had my eye on a horse at this place....Bentley. Do you still have him?


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

Dubya, Bentley is still for sale but he is having a lameness issue right now. / but he is going for dirt cheap. His owners seriously can't afford any kind of vet care to figure out.

Email me or call and I'll explain it further. )


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

To be perfectly honest, and in following with *Alwaysbehind*'s first post, I would hate seeing anything written about me by my BO on a BB or anywhere without my express consent. Being a barn owner, you are a business owner, and thus you must be very careful about what you say, where. I think it's fantastic that you and other BOs participate on this forum, all of you have some really great input; at the same time you have to be very careful about just what you say, and complain about.


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## Maverick101 (Nov 8, 2009)

Charis said:


> I think it's fantastic that you and other BOs participate on this forum, all of you have some really great input; at the same time you have to be very careful about just what you say, and complain about.


But yet Boarders can rant, and complain all they want about BO, and BM's on a public forum and thats ok:roll:


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Maverick101 said:


> But yet Boarders can rant, and complain all they want about BO, and BM's on a public forum and thats ok:roll:


Yes, and if their BOs/BMs find out about it, they can boot them and their horses out of the barn.

Nothing is without consequences, and as I stated earlier, the interwebz is far from being a private playground.

If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, don't post it on a public forum.


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## Maverick101 (Nov 8, 2009)

Yours missing MY point with my comment

Its funny how people come on here b*tch and complain about how bad and stupid thier BOs and BMs are.....and the minute a BO vents about an issue they are having everyone jumps down their throat how its unprofessional, how its not what they shouldn't do so on a public forum yadda yadda yadda...... Practice what ya preach is all I'm going to say.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

It wasn't obvious what you were trying to get across, so any misunderstanding came from _your_ lack of communication, not _my_ inability to read for comprehension. Had you indicated that you think people _always_ stick up for boarders when they rant and complain, I would have understood. But you didn't.

I don't currently board, but I have had my horses at my trainer's barn off and on over the last 3 years.

I have never once complained to anyone on any public BB about some of the things I don't like. Anything I don't agree with, I address it with my trainer.

I've seen plenty of people bash their BOs/BMs on different boards, and I'm not one to join with the crowd, take up pitchforks and torches, and scream, "Off with their heads!!!"

There are two sides to every story, and the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle when it comes to the, ZOMG! MY BO IS THE WORST! threads.

If you don't like your barn/BO/BM/trainer/instructor, MOVE. It's as simple as that. Anything else is just hot air and bile, and I'm not joining in with the feeding frenzy.

Keep your private affairs private. People seem to have forgotten this most basic of tenets with the electronic age and era of instant communication.


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## sdellin (Jul 14, 2010)

Let it go, don't say where new boarders are coming from in the future and don't print anything about any other stable in the future. Unless you want to open a can of worms with the boarder who forwarded your newsletter don't even bring it up. It's not worth it. Better, as a business owner, to avoid the drama and be professional.

If you want to address the problem of some issue a boarder has about your barn, offer a comment card (or form) in your monthly newsletter so boarders can make you aware of any problems.

Just remember you are a professional business owner and don't engage in drama and don't ever say anything negative about anyone else's barn or person, horse, whatever.

Good luck. BTW, we all make this mistake in some form or another. Can't tell you how many times I wish I'd just let it go and forgot about it instead a giving in to that nagging need to comfront someone. I usually end up sticking my foot in my mouth whether I'm right or wrong. You're dealing with human being and their personalities, so I'd let that one go. In your case, you can't afford to comfront that person and risk starting trouble even if you try to do it gently because you are running a business...and the professional relationship with the clients and the income is what counts.


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

Maverick101 said:


> Yours missing MY point with my comment
> 
> Its funny how people come on here b*tch and complain about how bad and stupid thier BOs and BMs are.....and the minute a BO vents about an issue they are having everyone jumps down their throat how its unprofessional, how its not what they shouldn't do so on a public forum yadda yadda yadda...... Practice what ya preach is all I'm going to say.


 
In addition to agreeing (once again) with *Speed Racer*, I would also like to point out that the casual poster that rants about their barn/BO/BM/etc doesn't mention names. Posters that have their barn name as their username really have to watch themselves; once you have a company name associated to your profile, you have to be even more careful than the average poster. So, if I were a boarder at the OP's barn and saw her posting about her boarders on a regular basis, I would be concerned.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Charis said:


> In addition to agreeing (once again) with *Speed Racer*, I would also like to point out that the casual poster that rants about their barn/BO/BM/etc doesn't mention names. Posters that have their barn name as their username really have to watch themselves; once you have a company name associated to your profile, you have to be even more careful than the average poster. So, if I were a boarder at the OP's barn and saw her posting about her boarders on a regular basis, I would be concerned.


Totally agree!

(With both SR and Charis.)


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Charis said:


> To be perfectly honest, and in following with *Alwaysbehind*'s first post, I would hate seeing anything written about me by my BO on a BB or anywhere without my express consent. Being a barn owner, you are a business owner, and thus you must be very careful about what you say, where. I think it's fantastic that you and other BOs participate on this forum, all of you have some really great input; at the same time you have to be very careful about just what you say, and complain about.


Exactly.

I have out of state friends I e-mail and text when I need to vent about boarders. Helps me blow and they can add two cents to help me see things in a completely objective manner since they have no horse involved.


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

Yep. If I own XYZ business and post under username "XYZbusiness" then I better be careful about what I post; my reputation as a good businessperson is on the line whenever my fingers get a' tappin'.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

Again, I don't post anything I havn't said to someone's face or at least planned to. )

If I don't use my barn name as my screen name than it doesn't help my google ratings ;o) I try to post more helpful things than boarder rants...


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

starlinestables said:


> If I don't use my barn name as my screen name than it doesn't help my google ratings ;o) I try to post more helpful things than boarder rants...


Interesting....

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-stables-barns/should-i-warn-other-barn-owners-60561/

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-stables-barns/quick-boarder-rant-50618/

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-stables-barns/text-crazy-boarder-how-much-too-53125/

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-stables-barns/why-do-i-always-get-lemons-44119/

Shall I continue?


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> Interesting....
> 
> http://www.horseforum.com/horse-stables-barns/should-i-warn-other-barn-owners-60561/
> 
> ...


I never noticed all of these threads! Starline, perhaps you could keep the Starlinestables username for all your helpful and professional postings (thus maintaining your Google ratings) and have a second account for personal use?

That way you can rant and rave all you want on your personal account without it looking unprofessional for your business.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

I do not think we are allowed to have two IDs here.


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## sarahver (Apr 9, 2010)

What about all those fruitcakes that invent multiple profiles so that they can back themselves up when their thread is turning south?!

If you aren't allowed two profiles then I think you have to be careful what you write as a business owner, especially in the horse industry as it is a very small world.


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

starlinestables said:


> Again, I don't post anything I havn't said to someone's face or at least planned to. )
> 
> If I don't use my barn name as my screen name than it doesn't help my google ratings ;o) I try to post more helpful things than boarder rants...


That's our point exactly. If you post things under your business name, you have to be extra careful that you don't post things that could deter people. Numerous rants about your boarders would surely scare away some people; boarders or prospective boarders alike. I lurked for a_ long_ time before joining so I know a lot of names here even if they don't know mine, and I know yours associated with a few rants regarding your boarders. I know other posters such as *mls* own boarding facilities, and as they've said before- they are very careful to keep their business name clean and clear away from any drama online.


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## Bethy (Aug 31, 2010)

With horses comes drama!! I dont know why, maybe because all horse people (including myself) are crazy! But the fact that 90% of your posts are about "Bad" boarders, I dont know how I would feel about bringing my prized horse to your stable. 

All barns (that have mulitple boarders) have drama, thats inevitable. Its like an office, or a sorority! It is going to happen. It is how we handle this that we become better people

Our BO keeps her nose out of all the drama unless it is harming the animal! If that happens, she does not post it online, she deals with it in the easiest rational way. That is what a BO should do, not post it so you can have the fear of Animal service comming everytime you hit your horse with a crop!


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

Have yall read all my posts? They are about crazy boarders and how to handle them appropriately. Why would that scare someone off? I try to be as diplomatic as possible which is why I ask other people. I wish more people would rant their craziness on the web so by the time it got to me, it would be a calm and rational adult conversation instead of going insane and accomplishing nothing.


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## Charis (Jul 6, 2010)

starlinestables said:


> Have yall read all my posts? They are about crazy boarders and how to handle them appropriately. Why would that scare someone off? I try to be as diplomatic as possible which is why I ask other people. I wish more people would rant their craziness on the web so by the time it got to me, it would be a calm and rational adult conversation instead of going insane and accomplishing nothing.


We _have_ read your posts, and I personally find them highly unprofessional. They are your clients; you do not call them crazy in public, and this is considered a 'public' area. To handle them diplomatically would be to handle the problem in private, not on a public BB. Calm and rational adults in a business setting would discuss things in private and work things out between one another with minimal outside contact at first, and escalate upwards to mediation or the like if needed. 
I would not board at your barn because of the way you conduct yourself on this BB.


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## Solon (May 11, 2008)

I wouldn't board at your place nor encourage anyone else to do so. It seems like all you do is complain about the people you have.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

Charis said:


> We _have_ read your posts, and I personally find them highly unprofessional. They are your clients; you do not call them crazy in public, and this is considered a 'public' area. To handle them diplomatically would be to handle the problem in private, not on a public BB. Calm and rational adults in a business setting would discuss things in private and work things out between one another with minimal outside contact at first, and escalate upwards to mediation or the like if needed.
> I would not board at your barn because of the way you conduct yourself on this BB.


What Charis said.....

Starline, you seem to be in denial, really. You insist you do not talk about your boarders behind their back, etc. But you obviously do as is shown in your posting history. Then you say 'that does not count because those are bad boarders'.

:roll:


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## DubyaS6 (Aug 30, 2010)

Just my $0.02:

Starline - It's fine to ask for help on how to handle a situation professionally. I honestly believe this is what you are trying to do, BUT you should find another avenue for this. Ask your husband, mom, dad, friend...someone you confide in.

Don't get me wrong...its good to have outside opinions and I love everyone on this board, BUT when it comes down to it, I am not going to trust someone on the INTERNET with advice with my company.

Its YOUR company (and possibly your husbands or other family members) so ultimately YOU need to make the calls, not people on the internet.

If you have a boarder that you think is "crazy", then have a talk with them. If nothing positive comes from the talk, then its time for them to find another barn. Plain and simple.

Business is business and should be handled accordingly.

It seems to me that YOU are the source of the drama, not the boarders. Its time to grow up a little and have adult conversations with the people that you think are causing problems.


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## leonalee (Jul 1, 2010)

In Starline's defense, I'm sure everyone will agree when I say horse boarding is a business like no other :/ Yes, there are professional ways to handle things, but I'll be the first to say it would be fantastic to have a "BO only", proof of Barn Ownership forum somewhere where you can post your rants/vents/questions to people who understand and have "been there, done that" experience... in a completely anonymous way. Not realistic, I know :/ So I generally try to watch what I post unless the bridge has already been burned, as in the instance with boarders who left their horses. Like, have the registration include a link to your business .com, but do not have to post that information? 

I'll be the first to say that I'm not going to run to the farm down the street to go "WTF? Why did so and so do this, or blahblahblah... What are your thoughts?" as of course, that IS competition (as much as we like the people, haha). Having people far removed but in similar situations is helpful. 

When we had to pursue lien laws for horses left without board for huge amounts of back board, it would have been fantastic to have an avenue in which to discuss it which is _why_ I made the post about agisters liens on here. Other than write-ups by attorneys who leave you hanging so you need to consult with them to get every last bit of detail, there really was nothing definitive by way of "I had to do this, here is what I did..." By the way, not too many people have responded to that post, haha :/ ah well, I tried, haha. It would be great to get ideas as to what others in your situation would do, especially in technical areas where you might not know what you don't know, and the more input, the more you can analyze (although you have to be careful to sift through and sort out junk/troll/likes to hear self talk from good advice).


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## DubyaS6 (Aug 30, 2010)

Leona - I agree that it would be helpful to have other opinions on different situations that BOs run into. Defintely.

I just think that some BOs are better at how they come across on the internet. Unfortunately when you use the internet as a source, you have to be careful how you word what you write. It will usually be taken the wrong way by a few people unless you are very careful.

If it were me, I would probably lurk and find a few members here that were BOs not in my area. I would then PM them to get their opinion about an issue I was running into and see if they could offer up some advice.

This way you keep it off the public forum, but you are still benefitting from someone's advice who you are not in direct competition with 

Im sure its easier said than done in some instances though.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

leona, a little discretion goes a very long way, though.

I do not see a barn owner running down to the nearest boarding barn and asking a question either.

I also can not imagine a single barn owner that does not have any friends any where that know nothing about horses. A PM or email to those friends is far more appropriate when the question is delicate.

Asking about liens and such is very different than venting about your horrible boarders or the thing your boarder did and then proclaiming you do not talk about your boarders.

There are lots of barn owners that post and ask questions who do not keep a screen name and do not post enough information to make their ID obvious.


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## leonalee (Jul 1, 2010)

Alwaysbehind said:


> leona, a little discretion goes a very long way, though.


I very much agree! And as the person above you posted, I personally have watched the forum and PMed a few and said "Hey, great contact... lets stay in touch via PM". I just wanted to offer Starline a bit of a back-up, and let her know she isn't the ONLY one who wants to vent/rant/wtf!?!?! sometimes, especially as a person in a similar position! 

Edit: I am constantly aware that what I may say on here might get back to me (I've been able to figure out people I know on here, although I choose to not say anything/disclose it). As such, I try to be careful, and even sometimes while I think I may have been as careful as possible in not revealing TOO much detail about any particular situation, I still go back and look (hence why nearly everything I post has an "edit" on it, haha).

PS: hehe, "lurking"  love it!


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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

Thank you everyone for worrying about what my potential boarders might think by reading my posts, I greatly appreciate everyone's input.

I would love if there were more stable management websites and forums. I do frequent stable-management.com but it is very slow moving. However, I like to post on HF because I want the opinion of other "would-be boarders" as well because that is ultimately who I'm trying to accommodate.

A little about me.... I'm overly honest and try to treat people fairly and as I would want to be treated. However when I feel wronged, I'm quick to form an opinion and confront the situation which isn't exactly a great idea from a business stand point. I do talk to my husband and my family but they are easily steamrolled and pushed around and I'm the opposite. I want to find a happy medium, not just give in so I frequently poll people in forums. Sometimes, I may have already made a decision but I ask anyway because I'm looking for one of those magical politically correct sentences that get your point across in a professional and respectful way instead of coming off witchy.


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