# Anyone have MIL drama?



## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Well i'm pretty new to the forum but wanted to see if there is any other ladies/gents that have MIL drama? 

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years we just got married in May  He is a great man and loves me unconditionally and is becoming a horsey guy. The only problem he is a huge momma's boy :evil: We live about 10 hrs from his family and mine and I hate that except for the fact I don't have to deal with his mother! she is critical, obnoxsious, nosey and always right. 

Now we have hit a bump in the road. I had asked my husband if we could plan a vacation with his brother and wife who is my best friend for a long weekend (they live near the inlaws so we never get to see them really) anyways, he was all for it and I made it clear from the beginning that we were not inviting my parents nor his along this was going to be a nice vacation with our best friends. He was fine with that.......Well afte I booked the trip and was all excited he told his mom about it and she invited herself and his dad along on OUR vacation. I am LIVID. I would NEVER invite myself on someone's vacation and to top it off he said he can't tell her no...well HELLO this is OUR vacation they already had theirs and chose not to come and visit us so thats not my problem. So here is where the situation lies either go on our trip and have to deal with his mother for 2 out of the 3 days we are there or cancel the trip. At this point I am cancelling the trip if he cannot stand up for me. I will not spend my vacation with my best friend (who also does not like being around our MIL) and be miserable the whole time. 

So anyone else have any MIL drama they want to share or suggestions? HEHE sorry that was long whew.


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## FGRanch (Feb 9, 2008)

Stand your ground! 

I can't stand my MIL, thankfully they live 12hrs away and I haven't seen them in over two years! YAY for me!  LOL


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

FehrGroundRanch said:


> Stand your ground!
> 
> I can't stand my MIL, thankfully they live 12hrs away and I haven't seen them in over two years! YAY for me!  LOL


 
LOL I am being quite stubburn with him about this and plan on standing my ground on this matter! Even living 10 hrs from her she still knows everything about our lives which is soooo annoying! I wish I could go 2 years without seeing her LOL


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## racer179 (Jun 7, 2009)

well, im only 15 so im not married - ( and i dont plan on being married ) haha lol but i know my mom has MIL issues. we live out on the farm and probably twenty years ago my grandma and grandpa used to live out on the farm too - one mile away from us ! they always used to argue and my grandma would put my mom down and everything, they finally moved off the farm and into town, a few years a go my grandpa passed away and now my grandma is in a nursing home ( she is 87 yrs old. ) to this day they still dont like oneanother, my grandma will always say unnecessary statements and yeah, you guys know how it goes tho haha. Everyone always tells me, dont get married and have kids. i know they dont mean that in a bad way and only in a humerous good way. but when i look at the ppl around me, i think to myself, well i dont want to have to go through that and have marriage issues and MIL issues and kid issues and everything. right now in my life that is the last things on my mind, same with boyfriends haha. and everyone always says " when i was your age i said i never wanted to be married and have kids and i did" but whatev, im not worried about. right now i dont want any of that - all i want is a great paying job and a big house lol hehe yeah, sorry that was soooo long


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## FGRanch (Feb 9, 2008)

Have you had an honest sit down talk with your hubby about how you feel about the situation. 

Okay I'm not all that brave and I really hate conflict but if my sister, she is a brave son of a gun, were in this situation she would call up the MIL and say "look, you weren't invited, this is something that we had planned without you, I'm sorry but we will have to make arrangments to see each other another time." It's blunt but also pretty diplomatic!  I really hope that you are able to have you vacation without you MIL! I feel for you!


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Very tough rode ahead for you if hubby is truely a mama's boy. Better to set the boundaries now, will be easier in the long run.

If he can't call her and explain that it is not a family vacation and no parents are invited then your only other choice is to do it yourself. Understand this will mean a battle of control between you and her. Your husband will not be very supportive in this battle, but will be yanked back and forth between the both of you. To bad he can't handle this situation. That would help alleviate the blame being put solely on your shoulders.

Just remember if she had enough brass to invite herself, meet that same brass with a good dose of yours. People can only take advantage of you if you allow them to. Easy, no, but after the first few times, it does get easier. Be kind but be firm. 

I like the saying that a daughter is a daughter all of her life, a son is a son until he takes a wife. Perhaps hubby needs to know that.

Good luck.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

racer179 said:


> well, im only 15 so im not married - ( and i dont plan on being married ) haha lol but i know my mom has MIL issues. we live out on the farm and probably twenty years ago my grandma and grandpa used to live out on the farm too - one mile away from us ! they always used to argue and my grandma would put my mom down and everything, they finally moved off the farm and into town, a few years a go my grandpa passed away and now my grandma is in a nursing home ( she is 87 yrs old. ) to this day they still dont like oneanother, my grandma will always say unnecessary statements and yeah, you guys know how it goes tho haha. Everyone always tells me, dont get married and have kids. i know they dont mean that in a bad way and only in a humerous good way. but when i look at the ppl around me, i think to myself, well i dont want to have to go through that and have marriage issues and MIL issues and kid issues and everything. right now in my life that is the last things on my mind, same with boyfriends haha. and everyone always says " when i was your age i said i never wanted to be married and have kids and i did" but whatev, im not worried about. right now i dont want any of that - all i want is a great paying job and a big house lol hehe yeah, sorry that was soooo long


Well I fele sorry that your mom had to deal with that drama for so many years! it really is stressful. Just make sure when/if you do get married its not to a guy attached to his mothers hip.  Thanks for the story though


FehrGroundRanch said:


> Have you had an honest sit down talk with your hubby about how you feel about the situation.
> 
> Okay I'm not all that brave and I really hate conflict but if my sister, she is a brave son of a gun, were in this situation she would call up the MIL and say "look, you weren't invited, this is something that we had planned without you, I'm sorry but we will have to make arrangments to see each other another time." It's blunt but also pretty diplomatic!  I really hope that you are able to have you vacation without you MIL! I feel for you!


 
See I'm the same way I really dislike conflict and even told hubby that I would call and tell her in a very nice way that this is something that was planned for a reason but he told me i wasn't allowed...WTH??? He wants them to go so i'm not allowed to tell them no. Ugh I have been moody ever since this happened and haven't talked to him unless needed LOL I can hold a grudge for awhile if needed! I'm glad your sister has some balls to say things I wish I was more that way I'm just scared that if she gets smart about it i will flip a lid with all this built up anger LOL



Walkamile said:


> Very tough rode ahead for you if hubby is truely a mama's boy. Better to set the boundaries now, will be easier in the long run.
> 
> If he can't call her and explain that it is not a family vacation and no parents are invited then your only other choice is to do it yourself. Understand this will mean a battle of control between you and her. Your husband will not be very supportive in this battle, but will be yanked back and forth between the both of you. To bad he can't handle this situation. That would help alleviate the blame being put solely on your shoulders.
> 
> ...


 
Love that quote! I have already talked to him about his mom on several occassions and how i very much dislike how things go on and her being involved in our business...she is more involved in my hubbys brother and wifes lives than ours and if i had to deal with what she does I would of already lost my mind! anyways, he always sides with his mother over me and i can't handle that. Like stated above I offered to tell her but he won't let me. So i am just cancelling the vacation and I'll just fly back home to see my best friend/SIL and he can stay home LOL


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

I think you should go ahead and take your vacation. Make plans that include just you and your sister in law. Since your husband knew your feelings and allowed her to push her way into your plans, let him entertain her. In the future you need to get in your sweeties face and tell him if he ever wants to have a vacation with you again, he needs to keep his mom out of the loop. 
My husband and I are not very family oriented. Not saying we don't love our parents. We just don't do things together with them very often besides an occasional lunch. 
Until your husband grows a spine, perhaps all future vacations should be "sister vacations" Just leave the husbands at home or at his parents house. I've actually had a couple of those and they are great


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Vidaloco said:


> I think you should go ahead and take your vacation. Make plans that include just you and your sister in law. Since your husband knew your feelings and allowed her to push her way into your plans, let him entertain her. In the future you need to get in your sweeties face and tell him if he ever wants to have a vacation with you again, he needs to keep his mom out of the loop.
> My husband and I are not very family oriented. Not saying we don't love our parents. We just don't do things together with them very often besides an occasional lunch.
> Until your husband grows a spine, perhaps all future vacations should be "sister vacations" Just leave the husbands at home or at his parents house. I've actually had a couple of those and they are great


 
you make an excellent point! We are not expected to entertain and be around his parents because we did not plan the vacation for them to be included so what we want to do we could just do and not include her along! of course that would cause a whole new drama scene but thats her problem for inviting herself along on our vacation! Hubby can't tell him mom no but he can tell his wife no..hmm..something wrong with that pic! Uhg a lot to decide about I guess. Will it be worth it or not? I know some way some how we will get stuck dealing with her one way or another or having to hear her criticize our cooking or try to take over which I would NOT allow...this is my vacation back off hehe  Thanks for the good advice!


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

I think that is exactly how I would put it...To hubby: "you allowed her to invite herself, you entertain her. SIL and I are going to go shopping." If she insists on cooking, let her. You two plan a dinner out :lol:
If you make enough of a stink, I'm sure she won't invite herself again. Heres hoping anyway :shock:


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

HAHA thats really smart thinking! We'll see how things go and if my SIL would be up for it but I doubt it she has to deal with this woman almost every weekend of her life and she cna't even go on vacation without her so she is just as upset if not more than I am


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## JadedEyes (Jun 26, 2009)

I know my mom had a hard time with her MIL, my grandmother. They lived with my grandmother for a long time to. My dad would do the exact same thing that your hubby is doing with his mom. It drove my mom crazy. She eventually said, "It's either me, or your mom." My mom basically said, either you stop, or I'm leaving. Luckily my dad chose my mom.


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## goldilockz (Aug 1, 2008)

I like Vidaloco's advice!

I don't have a hellish MIL thankfully (I really love her, she's so awesome!), but what your MIL did was rude and presumptuous. I would be livid too.


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## Joshie (Aug 26, 2008)

Sometimes killing them with kindness works too. This woman is the mother of your beloved and will be your children's grandmother. 

I was blessed to have a wonderful MIL and I miss her every day.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

JadedEyes said:


> I know my mom had a hard time with her MIL, my grandmother. They lived with my grandmother for a long time to. My dad would do the exact same thing that your hubby is doing with his mom. It drove my mom crazy. She eventually said, "It's either me, or your mom." My mom basically said, either you stop, or I'm leaving. Luckily my dad chose my mom.


Well your dad was a smart man for choosing your mom! I believe after your married that your wife should be #1 and if i ever have sons I will teach them that value. I don't have a problem at all having a good realationship with your mother I just have a problem letting the MIL walk over the wife and husband do nothing about it :-x



goldilockz said:


> I like Vidaloco's advice!
> 
> I don't have a hellish MIL thankfully (I really love her, she's so awesome!), but what your MIL did was rude and presumptuous. I would be livid too.


Yes my SIL is kicking around the idea as well we keep on going back and forth abut it but i think we could make it known that she wasn't wanted on this vacation 




Joshie said:


> Sometimes killing them with kindness works too. This woman is the mother of your beloved and will be your children's grandmother.
> 
> I was blessed to have a wonderful MIL and I miss her every day.


I always wish I would have a great MIL but I pretty much knew for the last couple of years that this was going to be a problme because it always has been! I'm sorry about your MIL


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## FGRanch (Feb 9, 2008)

Vida you are awesome!  And I JUST LOVE your avatar!


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

Gee golly thanks
We can only hope wisdom comes with age:lol:


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## Dumas'_Grrrl (Apr 2, 2008)

Congrats on the wedding!!!

Sorry to hear about the MIL, I have one of those too. Well, I have a pushy MIL and a momma's boy hubby.

Slowly he's beginning to realize what the MIL does to put me down (like bringing enough food for an army to christmas at MY house when we hosted christmas to take the stress off of her... :roll

CAREFULLY pick and choose your battles, you will eventually win as he will eventually realize how much you do & mean to him. It's taken me about 7 years of " Hon, I think this should just be an US and the KIDS day" or " I didn't think the comment MIL made over dinner wasn't very supportive to your goals, seems like she wants you to stay a kid forever. Please don't let her comment discourage you" " I appreciate the new direction you're going hunny and I support your 110%"

It does get old, but it will worsen with kids. DO NOT BE AFRAID to tell him what you're feeling and respect his wishes if he doesn't want you to have a "smackdown" with her.

Just this past christmas we had a blow out over how many christmas presents she was going to buy the kids.....She started putting me down and saying I was being a "control freak" because I requested that she only buy the kids 2 gifts each, they needed nothing and she's on a fixed income. Obviously, she felt I was the ultamate troll, but my hubby saw what I was trying to do for EVERYONE.

Long story short, she didn't come to christmas and hurt the hubby worse than anyone else. He's been more distant from her ever since. Not in a bad way but now we have BOUNDARIES!!! 

I'd go on vacation and follow Vida's advice. She really is a sharp cookie and has the married years under he belt!!!! 

Good Luck!!!


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Thanks for the story! I definitely know I'm not the only one that has MIL issues LOL I guess your right I have to pick and choose my battles but this is one I thought I deserved to win LOL We usually only argue when it involves her which really irratates me! I'm glad your hubby is starting to come to reality with things! It does make the marriage a lot stronger I believe!


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

CR what did you decide about the vacation? Don't mean to be nosey, but I am very curious what you and your SIL decided on.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

hehe  well we didnt get our way totally but we put our foot down and told the guys that they will not be staying more than one day and if the subject comes up we will tell her how it is 

Funny thing is about this whole thing my MIL visited with my parents jsut last weekend and brought up the trip to my parents asking if they were going and my mom knows the whole situation..well she told my MIL that no they were not going this was our vacation. and then our MIL admitted that she knows "they" dont want them there LOL..well if you know we dont want you there why be a pest and come still???? so i dont know whats going ot happen if they are still going to come or not i haven't brought the subject up recently with hubby. It just blows my mind that they would still do that after my parents told them they werent going because it was OUR vacation..STUPID woman LOL thanks for asking though


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

Please come back to this thread and let us know how it ends up. I'm curious how its going to turn out too


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## questionable (Aug 5, 2009)

I am a mother in law and absolutely love my daughter in law and even if I did not like her I still would do everything in my power to work through it. i have three sons and they all call me and we are close, but I would never barge into their affairs with out asking first. I like being included in on things but I also know these kids have a different life style and life. 
Sounds like this women is all about control and that your husband ( bless his heart ) has been under her control all these years, so You Take Control For Him , You call her and tell her that there must be some kind of misunderstanding and that you Booked the vacation for you and your friends and it is a get away for the younger crowd, tell her that you would be more than happy to plan a trip with her next time around. And don't take no for an answer . if she thinks that you are rude, tell her " sorry that you feel that way but this is the way it is. Give it right back to her, and write down what is said so it never gets into a she said thing.... 

I don;t think men are mama's boys , that are often just very non confronters , or have over powering mothers and sometimes they are just very respectful to their mothers.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Vidaloco said:


> Please come back to this thread and let us know how it ends up. I'm curious how its going to turn out too


 
LOL I will be sure to do that! the trip isnt until last weekend in August!

Oh and to add to it my SIL (best friend) told our MIL sister what was going on. Our MIL sister understands how this woman works and can understand how she is with us and the guys...well apparently her sister told her MIL something about htis vacation along the lines that they shouldn't be going but I'm not sure what the outcome of that conversation is and wont find out until tonight when my SIL talks to her about it LOL.....atleast someone stood up for us!



questionable said:


> I am a mother in law and absolutely love my daughter in law and even if I did not like her I still would do everything in my power to work through it. i have three sons and they all call me and we are close, but I would never barge into their affairs with out asking first. I like being included in on things but I also know these kids have a different life style and life.
> Sounds like this women is all about control and that your husband ( bless his heart ) has been under her control all these years, so You Take Control For Him , You call her and tell her that there must be some kind of misunderstanding and that you Booked the vacation for you and your friends and it is a get away for the younger crowd, tell her that you would be more than happy to plan a trip with her next time around. And don't take no for an answer . if she thinks that you are rude, tell her " sorry that you feel that way but this is the way it is. Give it right back to her, and write down what is said so it never gets into a she said thing....
> 
> I don;t think men are mama's boys , that are often just very non confronters , or have over powering mothers and sometimes they are just very respectful to their mothers.


 
I wish I had a MIL that i enjoyed being around! me and her always butted heads from the beginning of the realtionship! and you are totally right she has to be in control of their lives still one way or another! its worse for my SIL though because she has to see her often when she invites herself to their house all the time not asking her if she minds or not! but some how it gets turned around on her or me that we are the bad guys in the situation if we say anything! the guys always turn it around on us....one of these days she is going to get a huge slap in the face from both of us (not literally LOL)


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Very upsetting update  

well previously stated our MIL sister was getting involved in this which we did not want her to but she did anyways and it turned into a disaster! I will copy the email so i don't get things twisted but the things that were said were not true (both steph and I know this) and everything seemed to be blamed on me for being jealous??? what am I jealous of I will never know but if thats what this stupid woman needs to think to get through her day....Ugh..i just wish i could give her a good slap in the face LOL

this is the email sent to my SIL- My responses will be in red. 

well, she said that she only gets to see Clint 2-3 times per year and that is the only reason. She also said that Clint wants to see them and when they asked Danielle she blamed it on you that you were the one that didn't want them to come down for a few days.( I never spoke to anyone about this except my husband and my SIL so where they got that when "they" asked me i blamed it on my SIL...I never mentioned my SIL in anything other than she needs a vacation and their parents coming along is not a vacation..only thing i mentioned about her but it got twisted around once again on me)

Stephanie, I know you don't want to hear this, but they are hurt and she was crying and said they don't have girls to get together with, so they only want to see their sons. Also, I think you should make sure that Danielle is truly your friend. (What I'm getting from this is that my MIL said some untrue things about me to say to make sure im really her friend? WTF??? i would never say anything that would make anyone think otherwise)

I heard her out and I understand her point; they feel like you and Danielle are constantly getting together to go against anything they say or do and they understand that Danielle is jealous, but they do not understand that you are - they don't understand you being that way because you never have been.( Once again i'm being blamed. The only reason they feel like we gang up on them is because how much she interferes in our lives that is not necessary so of course we are going to stick together! nobody else cares how we feel except for me and my SIL..and I dont understand why they think I'm jealous and have always been that way? I dont see or talk to them so why am I jealous? Steph is not jealous she is tired of our MIL meddlilng in ever part of their lives) Maybe you are just waking up to the L's ways and it is getting to you - I am concerned for your marriage at this point. Do not let other's influence your decisions - look into your own heart.( the only reason anyone should be concerned is because our MIL cannot keep her nose out of our business especially my SIL and her husband)

I don't want to get in the middle but after hearing her out, I understand what she is saying. She explained to me that she tries to do everything she can for all of you and she never even got a birthday call from Danielle for her 50th birthday. Personally, I would be upset.( me nor my husband sent her a card or called because we didnt know it was her birthday..i dont know my own parents birthdays let alone his mothers so that was not on purpose..my SIL neve sent a card or called either but I'm the one that looks bad) I am starting to understand these things especially now that I am watching Katie go through similar issues with Jack's mom. It seems that she is now finding petty things to go at Katie with to push Katie further away and Karen and Harry are feeling that is what you are doing.

I am going to back away from this - I just hope you understand that all I want for you and Jeff is to make it - that marriage is difficult enough - please do not let others influence how you handle your family and marriage issues.

Love,

Aunt B


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## goldilockz (Aug 1, 2008)

It always makes me laugh when someone says "I don't want to get in the middle" while getting in the middle of something that doesn't involve them. 

It seems it's time that you just nod and smile for a while. A lot of MILs have mastered the art of manipulation, and they tend to win in most situations.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

goldilockz said:


> It always makes me laugh when someone says "I don't want to get in the middle" while getting in the middle of something that doesn't involve them.
> 
> It seems it's time that you just nod and smile for a while. A lot of MILs have mastered the art of manipulation, and they tend to win in most situations.


 
HAHA you are so right! she already put herself in the middle after being told not to by my SIL and now she doesn't want in the middle of it...hmm to late for that!

Yeah your right I can't bring this up to hubby because it wasn't supposed to be shared to me obviously so i just have to sit back and wait for my perfect timing and when something is said directly to me!

Another funny thing is our MIL never says anything when me and my SIL are together because she knows she can't twist our words around and with both of us there to be able to defend ourself she never says anything! its always said when were are only one on one.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

Your MIL is good. She's playing the poor poor pitiful me card isn't she :lol:
If all else fails, say everyone is picking on you and cry. If she felt that badly and that put upon, she would cancel going with you on the vacation. Has she done that yet? probably not. Don't let her play you.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Vidaloco said:


> Your MIL is good. She's playing the poor poor pitiful me card isn't she :lol:
> If all else fails, say everyone is picking on you and cry. If she felt that badly and that put upon, she would cancel going with you on the vacation. Has she done that yet? probably not. Don't let her play you.


 
You are so right! she is very good at that! and everyone falls for it except me and Steph! the sad thing is she knows what she is doing and the trouble it has caused but yet she doesn't care as long as she gets her way! and NO she has not cancelled the trip! Sad that my parents can be grown up enough to not butt in on our vacation but my MIL cant.


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

You need to be as sweet as candy to her when you see or speak to her. Don't give her any fuel


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Vidaloco said:


> You need to be as sweet as candy to her when you see or speak to her. Don't give her any fuel


 
I will try my very best! like i told my SIL i'll never be good enough for her son so no matter what i do or how nice i am I will never be good enough :evil:


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## QHChik (Jun 26, 2009)

Sorry about all your drama! I hope that it works out and that you do actually have a great vacation. It sucks that things can get so jacked up when you involve family


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

ClassicalRomantic said:


> I will try my very best! like i told my SIL i'll never be good enough for her son so no matter what i do or how nice i am I will never be good enough :evil:


CR, don't let her issue become yours. I have seen what that can do first hand as my husbands brothers wife has never been good enough or even liked by our MIL. It has almost destroyed a very sensitive and kind person. I personally have chosen to ignore her (MIL) little remarks, but a well placed "look" and no comment speaks louder than any words can. Once she felt very brave and made an uncalled for remark towards her daughter in law and when I didn't respond, she actually asked me what my problem was. So, very calmly and quietly I said she was and the way she treated her DIL. She is treading carefully around me now. She still attempts to play those same games that yours does (poor me/guilt ect) but has no affect because I chose for it to have no affect.

You need to figure it out because if you want a happy marriage, you can't allow her to be inbetween you and your husband. Our attitudes can decide what direction the rest will go in. My husband knows that while I love his mother because she raised him, I do not like her. I am respectful but not overly warm or friendly because I have learnt not to be (known her for 27 years now).

I have no issues with him stopping by to see her and even encourage him to call her. AS long as none of it interfers with our (his and mine) relationship, no problem. If it does, well , he knows not to let it. It has taken time to get there.

Good luck with it.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Walkamile said:


> CR, don't let her issue become yours. I have seen what that can do first hand as my husbands brothers wife has never been good enough or even liked by our MIL. It has almost destroyed a very sensitive and kind person. I personally have chosen to ignore her (MIL) little remarks, but a well placed "look" and no comment speaks louder than any words can. Once she felt very brave and made an uncalled for remark towards her daughter in law and when I didn't respond, she actually asked me what my problem was. So, very calmly and quietly I said she was and the way she treated her DIL. She is treading carefully around me now. She still attempts to play those same games that yours does (poor me/guilt ect) but has no affect because I chose for it to have no affect.
> 
> You need to figure it out because if you want a happy marriage, you can't allow her to be inbetween you and your husband. Our attitudes can decide what direction the rest will go in. My husband knows that while I love his mother because she raised him, I do not like her. I am respectful but not overly warm or friendly because I have learnt not to be (known her for 27 years now).
> 
> ...


WOW I hope in 27 years this wont be an issue LOL but I can see things getting worse with kids which neither me or my SIL have yet but she always makes comments to my SIL about children! she does NOT want children anytime soon nor do I so it gets old hearing that as well!

When I see my MIL you can tell we both put on a front just to be civilized since we really only see each other maybe 2-3 times a year....Things have actually got even messier since Monday when I posted the email! I know that I'm tired of the drama and he said she said crap! and two faced people! I'm not saying anything for now but if it does get brought up on vacation I will politely tell her how I feel and I'm sure my SIL will as well! I have a feelilng my MIL knows what was said between my SIL and her sistern trhough emails! we think her sister forwarded all the emails to our MIL....talk about not getting in the middle she just made it worse!


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## hotreddun (Jun 27, 2008)

ClassicalRomantic said:


> Well i'm pretty new to the forum but wanted to see if there is any other ladies/gents that have MIL drama?
> 
> I have been with my husband for almost 10 years we just got married in May  He is a great man and loves me unconditionally and is becoming a horsey guy. The only problem he is a huge momma's boy :evil: We live about 10 hrs from his family and mine and I hate that except for the fact I don't have to deal with his mother! she is critical, obnoxsious, nosey and always right.
> 
> ...


I'd cancel the trip for sure and get a divorce if it ever happened again.

Mother-in-Law HELL Mother-in-Law Advice and Mother-in-Law Stories

You might get a kick out of this website. I go there for therapeutic reasons when I have troubles with my MIL.

A few quick tidbits from my Monster in Law. 1) When we got engaged my MIL tells my husband (after we show her the ring from Tiffanys)..."oh Josh...we could have helped you find something cheaper." 2) My MIL throws a baby shower when we are pregnant...invitation reads "Welcome Kellie's Grandbaby Into the World!" 3) My husband may have the opportunity to take my daughter and I to France on a work trip...MIL exclaims "I'm going with you whether you like it or not!" staring right at me. 4) At my baby girls 1 year old birthday...MIL threw a temper tantrum because FIL wanted to bring his girlfriend of one year to the party.

Those are just a few. His whole family also hates that I have horses and don't have a "traditional" job from 9-5. What can you do...besides talk about them behind their back on a horse forum of course:lol:

Of course my husband is totally on my side so that helps. He isn't a mommas boy at all. I'd have a long talk about that with your husband and get counseling personally. He needs to be on your side.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

hotreddun said:


> I'd cancel the trip for sure and get a divorce if it ever happened again.
> 
> Mother-in-Law HELL Mother-in-Law Advice and Mother-in-Law Stories
> 
> ...


 
WOW sounds like your MIL has some issues as well! I hate it when they try to make everything about them which is what both our MIL seem to be doing! its not about them its about us, me and my husband! I honestly dont ever see things changing I have tried talking to my husband about this numerous of times but nothing ever comes out of it we just keep going in circles  I hope you get to go on that trip without your MIL that is just wrong!


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Oh and thank you for that link that is something I am definitely interested in reading


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## goldilockz (Aug 1, 2008)

hotreddun said:


> A few quick tidbits from my Monster in Law. 1) When we got engaged my MIL tells my husband (after we show her the ring from Tiffanys)...*"oh Josh...we could have helped you find something cheaper."* 2) My MIL throws a baby shower when we are pregnant...invitation reads *"Welcome Kellie's Grandbaby Into the World!"* 3) My husband may have the opportunity to take my daughter and I to France on a work trip...MIL exclaims "I'm going with you whether you like it or not!" staring right at me. 4) At my baby girls 1 year old birthday...MIL threw a temper tantrum because FIL wanted to bring his girlfriend of one year to the party.
> 
> Those are just a few. His whole family also hates that I have horses and don't have a "traditional" job from 9-5. What can you do...besides talk about them behind their back on a horse forum of course:lol:


I don't even have words!! :shock:


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

QHChik said:


> Sorry about all your drama! I hope that it works out and that you do actually have a great vacation. It sucks that things can get so jacked up when you involve family


 
Thanks  But I dont see this beign somethign that will go away anytime soon! I have a feeling i have a long battle ahead of me!


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## shesinthebarn (Aug 1, 2009)

Oh! This needs to be a permanent sub-forum! I have some MIL issues for sure! I just have to think of where to begin and get back to you!


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## hotreddun (Jun 27, 2008)

ClassicalRomantic said:


> WOW sounds like your MIL has some issues as well! I hate it when they try to make everything about them which is what both our MIL seem to be doing! its not about them its about us, me and my husband! I honestly dont ever see things changing I have tried talking to my husband about this numerous of times but nothing ever comes out of it we just keep going in circles  I hope you get to go on that trip without your MIL that is just wrong!


My MIL is the queen of passive aggressiveness...example..."so how's your horses and THAT riding stuff"...my response....then she says "oh I wish I had the time for little hobbies." Blah. I've learned to ignore her. Truth be told my anger has subsided to pity. She's only like that because she has no life of her own. It's kind of sad.

Oh I ASSURE you...we will never be traveling anywhere with her especially Europe. We went on several vacations alone together when we were still engaged that we just didn't tell her about until after the fact. That trend may or may not continue depending on how much drama we want to hear out of her. My husband and I have learned to turn a deaf ear to her whining..."uhhuh...yeah...uhhuh"....meanwhile typing on the horse forum:lol:


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

headdesk,headdesk! I could just scream, but that wouldn't help, so I'm venting to you all!

My husband has 2 bulging, possibly herniated discs in his upper back area (between the shoulder blade area). Well it's been hell for him and finally with the chiropractor and meds from the neurologist he's feeling better and is able to be a little more active.

Well his mother decided she needed another air conditioner. So hubby took her shopping for one and then she had him install it in the window above the kitchen sink!!!!!!! :shock::twisted:

If that wasn't bad enough, than she called him the next night and wanted it installed in a different window and a smaller one she already has put in the window above the kitchen sink! Hubby told her to remember that for next year, done installing this year! :wink:

Some mothers are so very selfish. Not getting better with age.

headdesk,headdesk......


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## shesinthebarn (Aug 1, 2009)

Ugh! I feel all of the MIL pain - my hubby is a HUGE mama's boy, but if my FIL jumped off a bridge, DH would hit the ground first. They are involved in every aspect of our lives, and it's so much worse since I had the baby. She is at my place ALL the time. Tonight, we were going to the farm to feed and he said, "we have'nt seen my folks in forever!". Ummmm...it's been 2 days.
Anyone else have kids and MIL drama over that? My MIL is always questioning me about my decisions with DS. Especially the breastfeeding and cloth diapers. She hates that. I could write a novel.
Classical Romantic - I would for sure stand your ground - it would suck to have the inlaws on your trip. I know how it is to have a DH who will not stand up to the folks - a sticky situation.


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## HorseExerciser (Aug 19, 2009)

Wow, that is some serious drama! I'm just 18, so not really going through that. But honestly, I wouldn't ever put up with it. I know this is different, but sometimes my stepmom makes rude comments to me and it is so irritating until one time when she said something and I just yelled at her in front of everyone. Unfortunately, I've yelled at her a couple of times and told her to back off. Now that she knows I will get mad, she doesn't do it so often. And I ignore most of the little things. Maybe you could try yelling.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Walkamile said:


> headdesk,headdesk! I could just scream, but that wouldn't help, so I'm venting to you all!
> 
> My husband has 2 bulging, possibly herniated discs in his upper back area (between the shoulder blade area). Well it's been hell for him and finally with the chiropractor and meds from the neurologist he's feeling better and is able to be a little more active.
> 
> ...


OMG I can't believe your MIL made your husband do that knowing he has serious back problems then have the nerve to call and say she wants it in a different spot..WOW...self centered isnt she? Good for hubby for saying next year and not letting her manipulate him! ugh! when will the MIL ever learn? This will probably go on until the day she dies or I die which ever happens first! 



shesinthebarn said:


> Ugh! I feel all of the MIL pain - my hubby is a HUGE mama's boy, but if my FIL jumped off a bridge, DH would hit the ground first. They are involved in every aspect of our lives, and it's so much worse since I had the baby. She is at my place ALL the time. Tonight, we were going to the farm to feed and he said, "we have'nt seen my folks in forever!". Ummmm...it's been 2 days.
> Anyone else have kids and MIL drama over that? My MIL is always questioning me about my decisions with DS. Especially the breastfeeding and cloth diapers. She hates that. I could write a novel.
> Classical Romantic - I would for sure stand your ground - it would suck to have the inlaws on your trip. I know how it is to have a DH who will not stand up to the folks - a sticky situation.


OMG Definitely sounds like your MIL is quite a character! I would not be able to handle that and would say something..my only advantage is we live 11 hrs from them  i know if we lived closer it would probably be worse and even more worse when we have kids! Thats one big reason i dont want to have kids because of my MIL..horrible isnt it? Well we are all in this together so atleast we can come here and vent if needed lol 



buttercup said:


> Wow, that is some serious drama! I'm just 18, so not really going through that. But honestly, I wouldn't ever put up with it. I know this is different, but sometimes my stepmom makes rude comments to me and it is so irritating until one time when she said something and I just yelled at her in front of everyone. Unfortunately, I've yelled at her a couple of times and told her to back off. Now that she knows I will get mad, she doesn't do it so often. And I ignore most of the little things. Maybe you could try yelling.


LOL yelling would be my way of handling it as well but i know thats not the "right" way to do it but if the "right" way doesn't work my Winch mode will come out and then she really wont like what i have to say LOL she gets upset beause she said we hurt her feelings...pitty pitty....nobody cares when oru feellings are hurt so why shold we care about hers LOL..hopefully your future boyfriend/husband will not be a mama's boy!


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## Plains Drifter (Aug 4, 2009)

This sounds so much like my ??? well, she's my boyfriend's mom. We live in the middle of nowhere and they are farming people. So my boyfriend is over at their house, or on the phone, or they are over here. They are in EVERY part of our lives and his mom is the queen of put downs, even in front of you. She doesn't even wait to do it behind your back. 

If I try to help with the farming she wants to know if I have something better to do? The other day I was helping move haying equipment and when my bf told her I was going to pull the mower with the truck and he was going to drive the tractor with the baler, she made a comment on about my being capable of driving the truck and then she made the face. (if you've ever seen sex in the city and Kari talking about "the face", you'll know what I'm talking about.) She makes me almost cry most the time. I tend to try avoid her. 



shesinthebarn said:


> Ugh! I feel all of the MIL pain - my hubby is a HUGE mama's boy, but if my FIL jumped off a bridge, DH would hit the ground first. They are involved in every aspect of our lives, and it's so much worse since I had the baby. She is at my place ALL the time. Tonight, we were going to the farm to feed and he said, "we have'nt seen my folks in forever!". Ummmm...it's been 2 days.
> Anyone else have kids and MIL drama over that? My MIL is always questioning me about my decisions with DS. Especially the breastfeeding and cloth diapers. She hates that. I could write a novel.
> Classical Romantic - I would for sure stand your ground - it would suck to have the inlaws on your trip. I know how it is to have a DH who will not stand up to the folks - a sticky situation.


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## Dumas'_Grrrl (Apr 2, 2008)

Here's a MIL story for ya. 

3 weeks ago my hubby decided that he could be struggling with more than just depression (he's been on & off meds for years) Hubby is flirting with possible reality of being bipolar. He's also seeking treatment and has changed his meds...ALL GOOD THINGS. The new meds and self-realization have made it possible for him to be firing on all 8 cylinders...well, at least 6. :lol:

The point being he's not easily frustrated and manipulated and he's been putting his foot down with his 12 yo ~ going on 30 daughter and grounded her.

MIL called and asked if she was getting granddaughter for a week this summer like we usually do (she called one week before school started)...Hubby had to tell his mom No, I'm sorry, Nicole is grounded for disrespectful behaviour and talking back. (he then told mom what daughter had done & said) MIL started attacking me, telling him that I'm getting him all hopped up on drugs and twisting his mind against "them". :shock:

She's a loon. She's selfish. She sees Herself and Nicole and Bill as a happy family. Only one problem with that.....Bill (hubby) is MARRIED WITH a grand total of FOUR (4) children, 3 of which are his biological seed and her grandchildren.

I'm SOOOOOOO beyond done with dealing with her. Hubby said that when she comes to her senses and wants to call and apologize to him that they will start fresh there...

Sad part is that everyone pays for her shellfishness. I don't even talk to her anymore, Hubby can and I encourage him to do so (I haven't said much to him after this last conversation they had, he's pretty lathered up about it all.)

MIL's like this are really sad. Usually (like said earlier) it's because of a lack of their own personal lives. Hubby could really use her support right now and she has nothing to offer him. He didn't even tell her that he's started a new med, it would be pointless, especially after her blasting me for doping him up previously. 

I couldn't help but think about christmas coming up, I wonder if a pair of medical grade scissors would be an aproperiate gift for a MIL that desperately needs to cut the cord???? :lol:


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

> Sad part is that everyone pays for her shellfishness.


**** those Shellfish.

Lol sorry, coudln't help it :]

But yep, she sounds like a witch for sure. It's sad that she can't see that your HB is sorting out his issues and making positive improvments, but instead twists it aroudn to seem like a negative.


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## Dumas'_Grrrl (Apr 2, 2008)

Shellfishness runs in their family and I've just gotten so sick of saying *selfish* that I've added my own flair to it. 

Last time we got into a "discussion" I said that I though she was being shellfish...it cracked me up and kept me from being ****y. (she didn't catch it)

I tell her that I can't eat seafood because I'm allergic to shellfish. (I'm not) 

I figure you gotta live with it because their sons are fantabulous enough to marry, and they're part of the package.....Make Lemonaid baby!!!


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Dumas'_Grrrl said:


> I couldn't help but think about christmas coming up, I wonder if a pair of medical grade scissors would be an aproperiate gift for a MIL that desperately needs to cut the cord???? :lol:


ROTFL!! Dumas'_Grrrl you have a great sense of humour! If only it were that easy to get the message across medical grade scissors would be sold out ! :lol:

BTW, keep my fingers crossed that hubby continues on this positive path. Sounds like your plate is very full, even without the MIL drama.


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## Dumas'_Grrrl (Apr 2, 2008)

My plate is overfull....but I love the big lug and he's a definite keeper. Makes it all worth the effort when he gets it that he's finally clicking along like he should be.

He's great, I'm assuming he's adopted. 

Thanks for the kind words, it helps to know that my situation is screwed up to other people too, lets me know that I'm not the crazy one. :wink:


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Dumas- your MIL sounds like a piece of work thats for sure! i dont know why MIL are like this? I have promised myself that I will not act this way with my children when and if that time comes! That website that was posted by another poster (forget who sorry) called mother in law from hell was a great thing to read! there are many more women dealing with this and it just seems to be getting worse and worse! we are not in this alone even though sometimes it seems that we are! I'm glad your husband is starting to turn things around for himself but sorry your MIL can't see it that way!


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Update on the trip! well it was better than i expected but I'm still not happy!

A week before the trip hubby told him his parents werent coming because I didn't want them there..so i said fine no problem I can handle that! so the whole week nothing else was every brought up about them coming i figured they weren't since he said they weren't well AFTER we get to the lake house and un packed he mentions oh yeah my parents are coming...WTF...he waited until we were there to tell me..I was so PO at him I flipped a lid LOL so needless to say he kept that from me because he didnt want me to b**** the whole trip or whatever..well hello you just made it worse for yourself! so anyways they ended up renting a hotel near by and not stayign with us which was manageable and i coudl deal with that! they were only there one day and spent most of the tiem out on the boat with the guys while we stayed on the beach with the dogs so needless to say we didn't have to spend a lot of time with them so it ended up turning out nicely! Even after my husband kept that from me! i was really upset about that I dont like that one bit and won't tolerate him not telling me something because he knows i'll get mad! so I just wanted to let everyone know who has been following and giving advice that it didn't turn out to bad


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## Vidaloco (Sep 14, 2007)

I'm so glad to hear that the in laws weren't totally intrusive. Its unfortunate that your husband felt the need to tell a fib so he could keep his mom happy and in the loop. I think before you plan another vacation, you need to have the rules set in stone. 
I have in laws that will "show up" if they know we are going somewhere. We have learned to keep mum about vacation and holiday plans when it comes to family. We have gone as far as to lie to them about holiday plans just so they don't invite themselves. Maybe you need to get that sort of agreement settled with your hubby for future outings.


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## ClassicalRomantic (Jun 2, 2009)

Vidaloco said:


> I'm so glad to hear that the in laws weren't totally intrusive. Its unfortunate that your husband felt the need to tell a fib so he could keep his mom happy and in the loop. I think before you plan another vacation, you need to have the rules set in stone.
> I have in laws that will "show up" if they know we are going somewhere. We have learned to keep mum about vacation and holiday plans when it comes to family. We have gone as far as to lie to them about holiday plans just so they don't invite themselves. Maybe you need to get that sort of agreement settled with your hubby for future outings.


LOL fat chance to get him to keep anything from mommy dearest! I know that will pretty much never happen unfortunately  but it turned out ok and your right next vacation I will ensure that this wont happen again! It sucks that you have to lie to your inlaws so they stay away LOL but atleast your hubby is willing to do that! Lucky you


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