# Not clicking with current trainer



## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

You're joking right? She sounds like she must have amazing relationships (sarcasm). You're a paying client you can do what you want with your money, your time, your horse. I've actually gotten off in lessons and stalked right out and flipping the bird while I was at it. No one speaks to me in that manner I wouldn't DREAM of treating another person like that. Even if it was someone I liked I have a little more self-respect than to stoop to their level. Sheesh. Find a new trainer. You're not crazy this is meant to be fun!


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

*WELCOME to the Forum!!*

How sad that this is the experience of your first foray into ownership and the show ring...
It should be fun, not bring tears of sorrow, embarrassment or fear of repercussions against you or others..
No one should tolerate being treated in this way as a adult or child either for that matter.
Your "trainer" I bet is well known in the horse world and competition ring of how she acts to her clients and others...in this case this is not a positive!
*
Why are you not already gone is what concerns me...*

You started your journey on a bad foot, it is time to fix the bad and again find the joy your horse can give you and you learn that showing is a way to have fun, learn to improve areas a objective person watches and grades and there is no reason for such a way in treating others...shame on that trainer for tainting your experience.
Go find a new barn, a new trainer and learn what it is to ride, to improve and show what a team successful you and your mount can be.
Learn to again enjoy what is to come...
🐴...


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## MeditativeRider (Feb 5, 2019)

I'm sorry that sounds like a horrible experience. No way are you being overly sensitive. As an "overly sensitive" person with "overly sensitive" kids this is definitely something that really annoys me when others make people feel like this. We are entitled to our feelings! If we feel more deeply, so what! We feel more deeply about good things too (like music, or a favourite dinner cooking, a good book, or listening to birds in the trees on a summer day). Don't make us think that our feelings are invalid and we are not allowed to have them when they are difficult feelings. Acknowledge them, respect them, and help us gently and kindly find a way to do the things we want to do while dealing with these strong feelings.

For you, that would have started with a completely different approach from your trainer when she first saw you feeling anxious. And to then trivialize it all and essentially mock you by asking you if had finished having a meltdown? One hundred percent not ok!

She is clearly the wrong trainer for you (and probably most people). Find another; you deserve better. You are not tied to her because that is where you got your horse. Don't worry about what other trainers will think. If she is yelling at you (and probably others) in public, they all know what she is like already. The right trainer for you will not hold it against you that you worked with her or be worried about backlash from her.

You were right to go and say you did not feel like riding under those circumstances. That does not make you weak or giving up, it makes you strong and intelligent for recognizing your limit in that situation and identifying a healthy path forward. If there is a next time with such a situation, remember that it is ok to say no and protect your confidence and that of your horse (because if you ride feeling anxious, that is going to be your horse's experience of going in to ride).


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## Morgan.taylor (Sep 1, 2020)

Nope I would look for a new trainer. Your trainer should be an uplifting, driving safety net for you. Someone you can confide in, bounce ideas off of and whole heartedly trust to steer you right. 
if you are not confident in them that Could be detrimental in your confidence in yourself.
It is 100% ok to decide to draw out/scratch if you are not feeling it, no amount of money spent is worth wrecking confidence. That being said nervous are always a work in progress so learning to work through them is important but I don’t think this being your first show together would have done anything but given you an opportunity to feel out the atmosphere and how your horse reacts.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I would have to be learning in leaps and bounds & winning every class I entered before I would put up with that! If not, bye.


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## Rforthofer (Jun 30, 2021)

Thank you all for the supportive and kind words, you guys have no idea how appreciative I am. I have one show left with this trainer (I’ve decided to pass on some of the out of state shows due to “work” obligations lol) and then I am planning to get into contact with some other trainers in the area. I’m glad to hear this isn’t and shouldn’t be the standard of trainer. As you all have mentioned, this is suppose to be an enjoyable activity, not something that causes stress and embarrassment.


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

When you're looking for a new trainer, I'd be sure and communicate to them that your number one priority is do enjoy your horse. Yes you want to do shows, and winning or placing would be great, but first and foremost is just enjoying your riding.


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