# Childless rant



## aubie (Aug 24, 2013)

Brilliantly written. All the best to yall.


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## gingerscout (Jan 18, 2012)

wife and I are in our early 30's and we have a 4 year old.. our family is bugging us to have more..:lol:

A wise person once told me that if you wait till the right time to have kids ( finances house etc).. you will NEVER have them.. LOL


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I think your on the right track! a financially stable home is going to be a happier home. I'm sure it hard, but ignore them. You do whats right for you!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

What an incredibly intelligent young person! Too bad your friends are less so.


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## 4horses (Nov 26, 2012)

I'm 28 and not married. My cousins are both 29. One is just getting married, the other is engaged. No children, except my cousin who is engaged has a step child he loves. 

I don't think you need to rush having children. Although sometimes I do feel jealous of my friends with kids, at least until I notice how much work they have! Between work and their husbands and kids they have very little time for themselves (or their friends for that matter).

I do not feel ready to tie up all my free time! I'm planning on adopting a child. That way I can wait till the time is right and not worry about my biological clock!


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## gssw5 (Jul 30, 2013)

Your uterus, your business. Your marriage your business.
Regardless if you ever have children or not you have to do what is right for your family. Not having children is not selfish, having children that you really don't want is selfish.

I have 5 children, I had my oldest child when I was 20, he is now 19. My youngest has just turned 4yo. I am a much better parent to my younger children then I was to my oldest. I am much more patient, wiser, more settled financially and honestly enjoying them more now that I am older, and am able to make my children my priority. When my oldest was young I worked to much and spent more time working then I did with him and those are years, regretfully, we will never get back.

My sister does not have any kids, nor does she want any, and she is perfectly happy, she has a dog and a bird and that is all she can handle.

Enjoy being a young married couple, take vacations, be spontaneous, sleep. You have plenty of time to have children if you choose to in the future.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

I'm about to turn 25. Not married but in a long term relationship.

No one has ever asked me in any serious or surprised manner.

In fact I know my parents would greatly disapprove as I am young still. I feel young still. Not in any hurry.

Sometimes I think about it, but I don't know what the future holds and I don't have any plans right now for sure.

I was talking to a 17 year old the other day and she laid out her life plan year by year. I'm like "one thing you will learn in the next 10 years. DO NOT plan out your life!"

Maybe just different social areas.

My parents are 63/74 and rather old school also 

Hey, personally I feel young to be married even. Much better your way than the typical 23, 3 kids, 2 jobs, check from the state, single mom, etc, etc that is unfortunately far too common.


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## kiltsrhott (Mar 11, 2012)

Thanks for all the reassurance guys! It's good to know I'm not alone, and that I'm not crazy for exercising a little family planning. I just get so annoyed by people, particularly strangers. This is not a conversation I want to have with complete strangers (usually older men), in the grocery store, at the hair dresser, on the side of the road etc. etc.

Perhaps it's because of the area I live in. Many people around here live very old fashioned, traditional lives. They believe in the purpose of marriage is to procreate, and that women belong at home, bearing children. I understand that for many women, this is something that they want, but it's just not me. I don't like children very much. My sister and I are ten years apart so I remember what it's like to take care of a baby/toddler, and it just doesn't appeal. I'm sure, when I'm ready, if I'm ever ready, I'll love my own children, but I don't want to consciously make the decision to do something I don't feel ready to do, and that my husband doesn't feel ready to do either.

My best friend is younger than I am. She's still going to school, and works part time as a cashier at a local grocery store. She gets people in the check out line asking her if she's married all the time. When she says she's not, they urge her to hurry it up, and get a family started! I just think it's the weirdest, most inappropriate thing for a stranger to say, but people do it all the time!

Though apparently not to men. My husband says he's never been asked about his marital or child-bearing status by a stranger, and his coworkers do not pester him to start having kids...

I'm tempted to start telling people I'm infertile, just to avoid the whole charade!


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## kiltsrhott (Mar 11, 2012)

Yogiwick said:


> Much better your way than the typical 23, 3 kids, 2 jobs, check from the state, single mom, etc, etc that is unfortunately far too common.


I totally agree with this statement!


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

You COULD tell them the truth; It's none of their dang business!


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## DreaMy (Jul 1, 2014)

*shrug* My mom had me at close to 40...
Plenty of time to have a kid later.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

It sounds like nothing has changed and it's been quite a while since I saw 25. At 20 I was so sick of hearing "what, not married yet, dear?" I didn't know I had to work on a time schedule. When I did get married, "what, no babies yet?".


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## EncinitasM (Oct 5, 2014)

One friend didn't have first kid until he was 48 and second at 49. Another had her first at 47 and then twins at 48.

They're all healthy and as happy as can be.

You have plenty of time.


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## Katz1411 (Jul 31, 2014)

My mother had me when she was 42 so I never felt there was any kind of timeline.

DH and I have been married over 29 years and no children, by choice. My mother would've loved grandchildren but to her credit all she ever said on the issue was "if it's right, you'll know". She was correct - it wasn't right, and we did know.


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

While I didn't get asked those questions often when I did I said, "Life just hasn't worked out that way yet." They'd come to their own conclusions and not ask again.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Don't make decisions on the children no children thing yet. You ARE young . Enjoy it and work toward more financial security. 

On the other hand, as someone said, if you wait for the right tine to have kids, you'll wait forever.

And , when they ask anything, feel free to just smile and say, "I don't know yet."


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## VickiRose (Jul 13, 2013)

I know what you mean. I was married at 22, but felt too young to have kids and was unsure if I wanted them. People can be very rude, and family aren't much better. I had my first when I was 27, 5 years after I got married. You have plenty of time, don't let it stress you.


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

My mum had me at 29.

And my sister at 31.

I can barely look after a goldfish, and I kill plants. WHY would I want a screaming pink wiggly thing?!

I totally agree with you, as a 23 year old. I am fertile for a few years yet, thanks! Now scoot off and buy a TV so you have some other entertainment, rather than producing a seventh child with a different father!


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## Sheepdog (Sep 25, 2011)

I'm 33 and *gasp* still live with my parents. We live on a farm in Africa, Dad's a pharmacist, he locums for the two pharmacies in town a lot so I help manage the farm. Love just hasn't happened yet. Kids? I'll think about it once I find "mr right". Someone actually asked me why I don't just go for AI, "It's the kid you really want" I almost laughed at the lady. It's hard enough raising a kid(s) when you have a partner to share the workload, doing it on my own? No thanks! I'm in no hurry, and if it never happens, it never happens. I have nothing against kids, but I have no burning desire to have them. I have 9 fur kids - 5 dogs and 4 cats and their a full time job.


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## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

Oh my do I hear you, although I'm a completely different kettle of fish. 

I was always adamant that kids were not my thing. I now have two. I was married at 22, pregnant at 24. I loathed being pregnant, the delivery destroyed my body (I wont go into details here, lets just say every training nurse in the freaking hospital was called in to have a look) and I had unbelievable postnatal depression. And what did I get from the time she was about 6 months old off EVERYBODY??:

When is number two coming (who said I'm having another one)
Don't leave a big gap between them
You have to have more than one! (why?)
It is CRUEL to have only one child (would have made my childhood easier!)
You have to give DH a boy (since when can you pick the gender??)

For months I endured this... and the repetitive "are you pregnant yet" as if a record was skipping. I started just giving them random bits of uninteresting information in response. Then I found out I was over 6 months pregnant. And then because I was having an elective section, I then got:

Are you too posh to push?
That's the easy way out
You won't bond with the baby
Why are you so soft (soft as in a wimp)
I've had *insert number here* and never needed a section, whats wrong with you. 

Because apparently other people have the right to tell us how to live our lives and what we need in our lives. I love my two kids, would do anything for them but also accept that everybody in the world is different and as the saying goes "different strokes for different folks". 

And as childish as I am, the main instigator for years now has 3 children, all of which are girls. Every now and then I get to throw in the "sure you'd better try for THAT boy".


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## MsLady (Apr 18, 2013)

When I was younger (in high school) I knew I wanted to get married, become a nurse and have children. I was fortunate enough to marry my high school sweetheart in 1994. graduated nursing school in 1995, I had my first son in 1996 and our second son 1998. I met a lifelong friend (fellow nurse) and was impressed with her unselfishness to know she did not want children. For me any DH it was just always in the plans and in our life plan. I admired her for knowing she didn't want to be a mother and like you she was always shocked at people's reaction to her CHOICE!!

So all of that to say I admire and respect you, don't worry what others think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kiltsrhott (Mar 11, 2012)

Maple said:


> Oh my do I hear you, although I'm a completely different kettle of fish.
> 
> I was always adamant that kids were not my thing. I now have two. I was married at 22, pregnant at 24. I loathed being pregnant, the delivery destroyed my body (I wont go into details here, lets just say every training nurse in the freaking hospital was called in to have a look) and I had unbelievable postnatal depression. And what did I get from the time she was about 6 months old off EVERYBODY??:
> 
> ...


Ugh! It's terrible what people said about your C-section! A friend of mine had a baby boy almost two years ago. She breast fed him to start but didn't produce enough milk for him. He was a big baby, with a big appetite, and he started to lose weight. So, she began supplementing with formula. She received huge amounts of criticism, and was basically told that she was a failure as a mother because she couldn't produce enough milk for him. She was also greeted with a lot of skepticism. People would say that it must be because she did something wrong that her son wasn't getting enough to eat, because "breast feeding is natural and natural is always right and perfect, and nothing ever goes wrong if you do it the natural way!"

...Because child birth, and child rearing is easy and no one ever has complications. There's no risk involved, and it's not like anyone ever died trying to do it!

(I hope you saw the sarcasm there.)


My grandmother told me that she was pressured into having more children after she had my mother. She had a TB infection that damaged her kidneys and she was warned that she might die if she got pregnant. That didn't seem to matter to people. She even wanted more children, but couldn't due to her health, and what people would say was hurtful to her.

One of my coworkers is in a similar position. She has been trying to conceive for years, and when people ask prying questions about her fertility, she gets really upset.

It's terrible when people physically cannot have children, or have children in a society-approved manner, and they receive tons of criticism. I never heard anyone criticize another coworker for her thyroid problem, or another coworker for her the arthritis in her back. There are a lot of things that can go wrong with your body, and your reproductive system is not exempt. People need to show a little sympathy!

It's also rude when people's personal choices are not respected. My sole purpose as a woman, is not just to reproduce. There are plenty of other ways that I can choose to influence society in a positive manner. I am more than just a walking uterus!


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## kiltsrhott (Mar 11, 2012)

Also, it's a load of crock that having a c-section, or feeding formula, will negatively affect your kids. My husband and his brother were both delivered via c-section and their relationship with their mother is absolutely NORMAL. My mother fed both my sister and I with formula and there is nothing physically or emotionally wrong with us. We're fine.

People need to stop shaming other people for living their lives differently!


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

kiltsrhott said:


> Also, it's a load of crock that having a c-section, or feeding formula, will negatively affect your kids. My husband and his brother were both delivered via c-section and their relationship with their mother is absolutely NORMAL. My mother fed both my sister and I with formula and there is nothing physically or emotionally wrong with us. We're fine.
> 
> People need to stop shaming other people for living their lives differently!


 
I was a c-section baby (MASSIVE head) and my mother couldn't produce milk... and I turned out alright. A bit loopy, but alright


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

tinyliny said:


> Don't make decisions on the children no children thing yet. You ARE young . Enjoy it and work toward more financial security.
> 
> On the other hand, as someone said, if you wait for the right tine to have kids, you'll wait forever.
> 
> And , when they ask anything, feel free to just smile and say, "I don't know yet."



And some of us simply KNOW we don't want kids.............EVER. Having kids isn't something "speshul", it's simply procreating egos. The world doesn't NEED a larger population.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

I am 31 and VERY thankful I did not have children with my ex-husband (he would have been my oldest child who needed the most care!). I love spending time with the children of friends, and I dearly want to have at least one of my own someday. I figure I have a few years yet to have a child, but since I'm dating someone and we haven't discussed marriage (still fairly fresh), it's a moot point anyway. But at the same time, I realize parenting and children are NOT for everyone. 

I'm honestly horrified as to why some people think it's OK or appropriate to comment on how you gave birth, how many children you have or want, or if you have breast or bottle. I have a friend who has had to bottle-feed because she has a thyroid problem, so she was not able to produce breast milk. She has had random strangers walk up and criticize her for bottle-feeding her son. Her standard response is "I can't produce milk, so it's this or he starves to death. Now please leave me alone to feed my child." 

You're the one who has to go through pregnancy and raising the child, spending YOUR money, time, health, and mental energy to do so. Do it (or not) on your time-table and nobody else's.


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## karliejaye (Nov 19, 2011)

I am 26, together with DH for almost 5 years now, and we have come to the conclusion that children will come never. At least biologically, adoption is ALWAYS an option, given the number of unplanned and sadly unwanted children. My father was adopted and I have this weird feeling of duty, that if we have children, they should be adopted. We have become so adamant about the decision that I am having my tubes removed in a few weeks!

My family took the news very, very well. My older sister has 2 boys, so they already have the grandparent experience. My MIL was a little put off at first when we told her, since DH is an only child. She did pull me aside on one visit and ask why I didn't want kids, but it was a very open and friendly conversation. Since then she has taken to calling our animals her grand-fur-kids.

Some of my friends on the other hand, have been down-right nasty about it. Saying I will regret it and that having children was the best thing they did with their lives. Cool, but YOUR life is not MY life! I am slowly learning to let it roll off my back, but it gets annoying. I especially hate the assumption that since I don't want kids, that I hate them.

Basically, folks need to keep their noses out of other people's privates!


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

I'm 26, not married and not in a relationship. I refuse to settle, and I just haven't met the right one. I've spent far too many years watching friends getting married as young as 17, and seeing the struggles they went through to repeat the same mistake myself. I constantly get comments about when I'm getting married, when I'm going to have kids, and it drives me nuts. I can totally sympathise.


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## TessaMay (Jul 26, 2013)

To be honest, if someone was saying those kind of things to me I would be downright rude in my response. It's none of their business and it's more than rude of them to ask. If friends want to nicely ask if you plan to have kids and when that's one thing, if some random old man asked I'd tell him to go back to 1910. And if I was constantly getting asked at work I would have reported it to HR by now, that is harassment whether the people doing it think it is or not. 

I'm almost 25 and my partner is 28. We don't plan to have kids. Ever. Its not selfish, in fact it's the opposite. I know I don't want to take the time out of my life that would be appropriate to raise children, so I don't choose to bring them into the world. It wouldn't be fair to them because I would resent them no matter how much I loved them. Also, the world does NOT need more people. Just because you can reproduce doesn't mean you should. 

My partner and I don't plan to get married either, not because we aren't committed to each other and plan to stay together, but because we don't feel the need to define our relationship by social norms. Also, it wouldn't make financial sense for us, at least at the moment. When people get nosey I tend to tell them that living in sin is so much more fun :lol:

If we ever do get married, it will be because it makes some part of life legally simpler.


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## Endiku (Dec 6, 2010)

And let's just be honest here for a minute. There is a percentage of us who just SHOULDN'T have kids for one reason or the other. I happen to be one of those. I'm unhealthy, will always be unhealthy, and will have a good chance of producing unhealthy babies if I can even become pregnant at all. I really don't think the world without my children will suffer. I have considered adopting in the late future, but nowhere near now. Like you, OP, I want to be in a good position to give my child a decent life. How is that wrong? I think it is very smart.

As for getting married? Pft, I haven't found a guy who can handle me yet, or who doesn't drive me up the wall. LOL. I'm only 18 after all. I could settle down in 4 years, 6 years, 16 years, or 60 years (and be one of THOSE people. hahaha). What I do is no one's business, yet the first question I'm asked, ESPECIALLY by males within my age bracket, is "so are dating anyone seriously now?"

Yes. Yes. I am. I practically breathe my job and school, so you could say I have two significant others right now. Sue me! I bet I can afford it once I'm done


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

Oh geez, where do I even start?

I'm 21. For the past two or three years, I have been getting pushed, or rather, shoved, to find a man. Old men try to hit on me or tell me I need to find a man. Everyone wants to know if I'm married. Apparently I'm supposed to be one hot commodity, but I can't find a single guy that I'd even want to give the time of day to. I demand that I be respected because I know I will respect my significant other, and this is what I get:

-You're being too picky. 
-You can't go just on looks (okay, yeah, but you have to be ATTRACTED to someone in some way, which I haven't been). 
-You need to put yourself out there. 
-Please don't be a cat lady. 

SERIOUSLY. And, everyone knows someone that would be perfect for me. Of course, each person that is "perfect for me" is "perfect for me for them." I refuse to be set up unless I really trust the person's taste. 

And babies. Urgghhh. Too many people get pregnant for all the wrong reasons. Do you know how many people I know this year that got pregnant that shouldn't be because they can't even take care of themselves? 5 people. At least. Some people should not have babies. Ever. 

I've had three of my coworkers have babies this past year. Only one isn't being totally obnoxious about it. I think it's GREAT to have a family if you want it, but sometimes, it's just annoying.

Coworker 1: Already has 2 kids. Having a third, no problem. Cute baby, the gal still makes time for herself and rides with her friends. She also rides on the local rodeo circuit. Family oriented, great with her kids, but they aren't her entire life, either. Like, she's her own person, not her kids!

Coworker 2: Started having relations with a guy that had been in and out of jail for drugs. Got pregnant. Overdosed on pills purposely so she would miscarry. Got pregnant again and had the kid. He's a cutie, and she cares for him well, but she's had the baby daddy in and out of her life, and she constantly calls in sick to work - pretty sure she is faking. Healthy, healthy baby, and she can't be sick three times a week every week unless she's got a major medical problem I don't think. Always posts pictures of her kid on social media. Some are cute, some are just...SCROLL.

Coworker 3: Most obnoxious about the kid. She thinks she's on a different level than I am now that she's got a kid. She loved her dog soooo much until baby came, but now she wants to get rid of the dog because he's too needy and she's afraid he'll lick her baby. He was her world before baby. Apparently I know nothing because I've never had a kid. She always says there's nothing like being a mom, I won't understand because I'm not one, etc, etc. Always talks about her baby, nothing else, and posts only baby stuff on social media. She's also the one that tells me my standards are too high when it comes to men. 

I understand having a baby is a life changer. But there's no need to be obsessive about it or to put others down because they don't want kids or don't have them. Or to use them as excuses for things they can't be excuses for! Maybe someday I'll have kids, but I won't unless I'm halfway ready, married, and actually want kids. Because I might not want to devote my life to raising a kid. Not really selfish unless you have a kid while thinking that, just different life priorities.


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## frlsgirl (Aug 6, 2013)

My husband and I are both 38, childless, and loving it. I would never be able to afford my horse or do a lot of other things if we had kids.

It's the 21st century for crying out loud! Not everyone has kids or should have kids.

Live and let live.


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## kenda (Oct 10, 2008)

I'm 29 and freshly married, but been with my now husband for 10 years. I get the pregnancy questions occasionally, but nothing close what some of you seem to be experiencing. I gotta say though, stop being polite to these people, no matter who they are! They are being down right rude, and in several cases, hurtful, they don't deserve to have their feelings protected. When people do these kinds of things I just think they'll never learn because people like us are too polite to smack them upside the head. I'm getting tired of tact, especially when it's so one-sided.


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## ShadowRider (Feb 28, 2014)

Interesting thread. Hubby and I have been together for almost 30 years and married for over 21. We always knew we did not want kids and never saw anything "bad" about being childless. We love our freedom, especially making some pretty adventurous decisions which we could not have made if we had kids. 

In my opinion, kids require some stability and financial security - as far as that is possible in today's economy. In my opinion, there are plenty of folks who should not have kids because they either can't afford them, or just don't want to spend the time and effort required to raise them. Kids need love and attention - unfortunately, a lot of parents are not willing to make that investment.

You, on the other hand, are on the right track. There is plenty of time to make a decision about kids later in your life, no need to rush into something that others think is right for you and your husband.


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## zookeeper1991 (Sep 11, 2012)

Even if you have children, people will still butt in with unwelcome comments. I remember when I was pregnant with my first daughter, I worked in a large office and people I did not know would corner me in the elevator with horror stories about their labor. One person said, "you are so big, how do you fit behind the steering wheel of your car?" You also get tons of advice on how to raise your kids too. 

My two daughters don't really look alike and I've had lots of comments on that. One person (a complete stranger) asked, "do they have the same father?" I was dumbfounded. Like, you seriously did not just ask me that. Is it any of your business either way??

You've got plenty of time to have kids if you change your mind, but if not, that's perfectly OK.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Not to mention the whole overpopulation thing..


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## NorthernHorse (Jan 11, 2013)

I'm just about to turn 26, I have 2 kids the oldest will be 6 in January, the youngest will be 4 in February, I married at 21. Financially stable, and I still get comments and people asking questions that are none of there business. Either I get the "oh your that young and have kids, you must have made a lot of mistakes as a teenager", "you should have been a smarter girl" "Your young how come you didn't have a abortion?". I don't know how many times I've said seriously its none of your business and if all you can say is negative comments then STFU. 

So no matter what your situation is there's always going to be those people that just have to butt in or bring you down... the key is to not let them. 

I like your attitude though, you have plenty of time to have kids


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

> Just because you can reproduce doesn't mean you should.


We ALL know this about horses and dogs, etc. WHY do people not remember to apply it to children?


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## RegularJoe (Aug 26, 2014)

I think it's just human nature to talk about families, so I do tend to cut people a little slack, but it's your business, and I wouldn't think it rude to tell anyone to mind their own busines.

If you do decide to have kids in the future, everyone will stop telling you to have them and start telling you how to raise them, so there's that to look forward to. 

Finally, a comment to the person who said someone told them a C-section was the easy way out. All four of our kids were C-sections, so I actually heard that quite a lot. I finally came up with an answer that shut people up:_You know, I watched that procedure more than once. They basically slice you in half and then sew you back together again. If you think that's easier, give it a shot. I hope you like scars. _​I think most people were insulted enough to just close their pie holes, which was fine by me. A few - the worthwhile ones - actually thought about it and realized just how stupid their comment was.


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## Remali (Jul 22, 2008)

I have quite a few friends, and relatives, who did not have kids. I'm 57 and childless, and loving it. I always found it odd when some people seemed to give childless people a hard time, I always liked to turn the tables on those people and then quiz them about having kids. That pretty much made them stop their nonsense. LOL


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## corgi (Nov 3, 2009)

Add me to the childless and happy category. I am 45 and hubby and I have been married for 21 years. We have never wanted children and had to deal with relatives giving us a hard time for years. 

BUT, now I think they see how happy we are and realize it was the right decision for us.


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## ForeverSunRider (Jun 27, 2013)

AMEN!

Amen amen amen!


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## BKLD (Aug 11, 2013)

Glad to see people with a good head on their shoulders instead of rushing in unprepared :wink:.

As for me, so far I haven't had people pushing marriage and kids on me (I'm turning 21 in a few days, so we'll see if this stays the same in a few years). My mom is concerned because I've never had a significant other, but I just don't care about dating right now.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

> My mom is concerned because I've never had a significant other, but I just don't care about dating right now.


 really, don't worry about it. Take a few years to be single, do things you enjoy, spend time with friends and family, maybe travel. You may only have a few years of your adult life to be single and "foot loose", you may as well enjoy it. You can spend the next 50 years in a relationship, take 5 to be single.

The number of people that I envied as a teen, getting married and having their "happily ever afters" that have come up to me years later, saying how jealous they are of ME has been surprising. At least 2/3 of them wished they had taken a few years to grow up, figure out who they were and do things they cant do now.


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## HoustonWeHaveAProblem (Jan 17, 2014)

I am 29 and have been married about a year and a half now "Your clock is ticking!!" I hear ALL the time. It's crazy. 

My response "heck I'll pop one out if you pay for it!" :lol: and just start laughing. You and your hubs obviously know what works or doesn't work for you at the moment and its no one else's business.

I also was the kind of gal that was never worried about a relationship throughout high school/college/post college. Everyone though I was CRAZY for being single...and ya know what?? I had a BLAST! I learned who I was, learned how to take care of myself, and I think those lessons have helped me not only be a more independent and confident person, but I appreciate the hubs that much more!


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## Rebelwithacause (Aug 7, 2013)

We are in our late 20's/early 30's married for almost 3 years with no kids. You would think the Earth will discontinue rotating around the Sun if you listened to HIS family talk about our "timeline". Then they say they don't ever see us having kids, like it's an insult or something!! LOL.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

Just tell them if they are that crazy about babies to go get one of their own, because you aren't interested in all that work.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

The word is childFREE not childLESS. I never felt like I was missing anything by not giving birth to several genetic copies of myself, and I sure as heck haven't been _less_ than a whole woman during my lifetime. Being a woman has less to do with giving birth than being a good representative of the female gender.


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## TessaMay (Jul 26, 2013)

This kind of sums up my views on the subject :lol:


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## kiltsrhott (Mar 11, 2012)

Speed Racer said:


> The word is childFREE not childLESS. I never felt like I was missing anything by not giving birth to several genetic copies of myself, and I sure as heck haven't been _less_ than a whole woman during my lifetime. Being a woman has less to do with giving birth than being a good representative of the female gender.


THIS.
Well said.


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## COWCHICK77 (Jun 21, 2010)

37, been married for 6 years and no curtain climbers in sight with no intentions of having any.
I enjoy my lifestyle. 
Just because I don't have kids, it doesn't mean my life is meaningless. 
Yes, I was actually told that the other night.


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## SummerShy (Aug 3, 2014)

I do not believe anyone TRULY CARES whether or not another person has kids. It's just one more thing to judge needlessly because people are people. 

Just like anything else, the opinion of others should not affect a thing about your life, including your attitude. There's no real cause for defense as your choices are just that: choices. Why bother justifying yourself?


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## Viranh (Apr 7, 2013)

My husband and I are in our late twenties and are getting this crap. I'm a PhD student, and I care a lot more about my research, career, and horses than spending time raising children. I do not like children and I have never had any interest in having them. Too many people in the world, and between my autoimmune disorders and my husband's dyslexia, we would have one screwed up kid. If I were a mare, every horse person would conclude I wasn't breeding quality... I don't see any reason to irresponsibly reproduce in a crowded world.


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

Viranh said:


> My husband and I are in our late twenties and are getting this crap. I'm a PhD student, and I care a lot more about my research, career, and horses than spending time raising children. I do not like children and I have never had any interest in having them. Too many people in the world, and between my autoimmune disorders and my husband's dyslexia, we would have one screwed up kid. If I were a mare, every horse person would conclude I wasn't breeding quality... I don't see any reason to irresponsibly reproduce in a crowded world.


And you'd probably make a great parent, if it happened! I think the irresponsible producers are the ones that get knocked up and then don't take care of the kid, or the ones that are psycho and end up pregnant. Why are there always generations and GENERATIONS of PSYCHOS?


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## Roman (Jun 13, 2014)

When my brother and his wife got engaged last year and told one of my grandma's the news, she was like "Well is she pregnant?"

>.>
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

I think people fall into two categories, those that want children from a young age, and those that don't think about having children at all - until after they get married - and that's only b/c it is one of those things married people do, not b/c they are "thinking" about having children themselves. The two "mindsets" aren't able to appreciate the other's perspective.  One sees marriage as a precursor to having children, the other sees living life as a "free agent" as an enjoyable experience that shouldn't be cut short.  So, naturally, in the universe of the "always wanted kids" crowd, after one gets married their "exciting goal" necessarily must be to have children, asap.  They can't help it. 
Before I had DD, I had no experience with human babies, but lots with puppies. When I was still single, I saw a coworker's wife w their newborn son, so I looked at it, and said, "oh, his eyes are open so soon!". Needless to say, she looked at me strange. Unlike others, she never ask me when I planned on settling down and having children.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

LOL Missy May!!!

My mother very sincerely and worriedly asked the nurse for a copy of the instruction manual.

I turned out OK 

I also have VERY little baby experience.


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## clumsychelsea (Jul 9, 2014)

I'm only 20 and every woman over 40 that I know keeps needling me about marriage and babies... Yeesh! I still feel like a child myself for goodness sakes. I like kids well enough but there's so many things I want to do with my life that would be so much more difficult with anklebiters messing up the program.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Missy May, there's a third type; those who know from a very young age that they have absolutely no interest in having children at all. I was one of those. I knew when I was a child myself that I didn't want kids, and that opinion has never waivered.

I like children, just had no interest in birthing and raising any myself. I got to enjoy my brothers' children, but unlike their parents I could give them back when I got tired of them.

People who snip about it being 'selfish' if someone doesn't want children don't see the irony in their statements. Having children is one of the most selfish, self centered things a person can do, and not everyone should be parents. Unfortunately, too many of those who shouldn't be parents already are.

Having children should be something you approach very seriously. You have the potential to mess up another human being's life if you don't do it right, yet too many people blithely have them with no real thought to it at all.

Raising children up to be decent, contributing members of society is a tremendously important undertaking, and I for one didn't want that responsibility.


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## Saranda (Apr 14, 2011)

I'm in the same boat with you. I'm 28, not in any kind of relationships and childfree by choice. I've had this awareness since I was a child myself. I could not count how many times somebody has thought my uterus is their business and told me all that nonsense about "having a child is fulfilling your role as a woman and your destiny", "you'll love it once you give birth" and "you'd make a good mother!". No. No, I wouldn't. With my numerous physical aliments and mental instability, I would NOT make a great mother and, no, I have no intentions to check if it's true. The world is a messed up place as it is, and I better spend my time trying to make it a better place, not making a new person to mess it up even more!


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## Katz1411 (Jul 31, 2014)

As a child the only time I ever played with dolls was to have them ride toy horses 😄

I used to get the tried & true "but who will take care of you when you're old?" 
Now there's some selfish reasoning.


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

Katz1411 said:


> As a child the only time I ever played with dolls was to have them ride toy horses 😄
> 
> I used to get the tried & true "but who will take care of you when you're old?"
> Now there's some selfish reasoning.


The answer is...."nursing home"....because that is where those kids will dump ya!


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## LadyDreamer (Jan 25, 2008)

My momma is so awesome, it was one of my goals to be as awesome a mom as she was. I'm 26 and don't really think that's ever going to happen. It makes me incredibly sad. 

There are a lot of people that I truly wish would have children(plural. Like three at a minimum.) who say "Nope! Not for me!" These are the intelligent, hard working, driven types that I would love to see more people be like. A lot of them would do a heck of a job raising the kids and they would then benefit the community and world. I would love to force children on them just to help preserve some good genetics. 

Granted I live in an area where women have litters as a way to keep thems baby daddies payin' the rent and gettin' more on their food stamps and welfare checks. It's apparently a business goal or a source of financial "stability" to have a litter. *shudder* And these 5+ children aren't being taught any differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Viranh (Apr 7, 2013)

I don't know about that, LadyDreamer. My mother is one of those intelligent, driven people who didn't want kids. I was an accident. I know this because I've been told more than once. She don't stop being dedicated to her job and the things she wanted to do after having children, and we knew she had not wanted us. Do you really think that's great for kids?


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

That's exactly right, Viranh. 

When I told my mother I wasn't interested in perpetuating the species through my personal genetics she said, 'Oh it'll be different with your own child!'

I looked her in the eye and said, 'I'm not willing to take the chance on another person's life like that. Why are you? I think I'd be a horrible mother.' She was not pleased with me. Not at all!


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## Becca76 (Oct 13, 2014)

I will first say that I have NOT read any replies - just your initial post (which was beautifully written, btw). 

I had my first at 28. My second at 31. I didn't even get married until I was 27. That was MY choice, how I chose to live my life. I remember how judged I felt by my peers - which was actually bizarre if you think about it - because my peers were active duty military at the time. At no time did I think I was "running out of time" for a family or children - but I did know that I wasn't ready for any of it YET.

Your life is your life, your timing is your own. You may never want children, or you may want a dozen - but it's YOUR LIFE, and noone has a right to judge your timing, your choices, or how you want to live your own life...because it's yours to live.

I totally get your vent and I'm sorry you have to deal with jackholes. Hang in there and always remember that you are the one in charge of your life, your future, and everything that revolves around it all!


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

I think I would make a decent mother, and my health is not awful. One of the main reasons I don't want to have one is entirely selfish. What if I have a mentally or physically disabled child, or one who turns out to be a bad 'apple'? 

I know too many like this, through high school I worked on a bus with disabled children, and I saw so many exhausted families caring for badly disabled children with no where to turn. At the risk of sounding horribly cold, it was a burden that they bore the rest of their lives, they will never be a normal family again, they can never walk their daughter down the aisle, or teach their kid to drive. I don't think that would be easy to come to terms with.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

First and Foremost it is no ones business. Do not have kids unless you want them. 
When someone pressures you about kids ask them Why ? why should you ? 
If they keep pestering you, tell them the world is overpopulated as it is, and you are not adding to the problem, and not bringing a child into a world that is so screwed up that gang bangers are the norm.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

Or , you could embarrass them and state, well you know we would love to , but there are medical conditions and we are not able to have kids. I had this done to me for years. 
I would also answer , I guess I am just to stingy and selfish . Why do you keep having kids ? 
Can you pay for all that college tuition?


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## phantomhorse13 (Feb 18, 2011)

I guess I am just blunt, as I have never had a person ask me about having kids more than once. Having people - especially at work - ask me repeatedly would have me giving some VERY rude responses.

I have never wanted kids. Even as a child I wouldn't play with dolls. I heard that would change when I got older, but apparently I am still not old enough yet. While I have spent years of my life interacting with kids as a way of paying bills, I was always happy when that hour was up and they went back where they came from!

Do what is right for you.


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## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

Ugh, kids.


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## ForeverSunRider (Jun 27, 2013)

I have another example. I am 21. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years as of October 1st. 

Facebook was so kind as to make a nice little announcement about our anniversary saying that I was celebrating 3 years with my boyfriend. I thought it was cute so I posted it to my wall. I'm sure some of you have seen them. It says so an so are celebrating _ years and it posts a few pictures.

People were liking/commenting on the post and then one of my friends commented and you could just hear the crickets chirp.

She commented, "I think I hear wedding bells and a sweet child's cry."

.... :shock:

1. I don't want kids, like, ever.
2. My boyfriend doesn't want kids, like, ever.
3. I'll admit it, we're not sexually active.
4. We're DATING, not married. I sure as heck hope she doesn't hear both of those things at the same time! And certainly not now! :lol:

We had no idea how to respond. We couldn't say no, because people then are all like, "Well why are you dating in the first place then?" (And yes, we DO plan to get married....just not soon enough to where you're hearing wedding bells at this point). :lol:

We couldn't say yes, because I'm the oldest and am just 21. I'm pretty sure his parents would have heart attacks. 

We couldn't say "hopefully not both at the same time" because she's 20 and is married and had a honeymoon baby so she DID hear both at the same time and that comment could be seen as offensive.

I digress.... you think all y'all single people have it rough in the judgement department when it comes to children and husbands, try being in the long term relationship department and not having a ring on your hand! 

I come from a place where people get married really quick and apparently quite young. I'm essentially an old maid in my hometown. I've been dating my boyfriend longer than it took my friends to meet and marry their husbands. And yes, friendS. My boyfriend and I have attended many of my friends weddings in the time we've been together.

Black sheep of the community represent! :rofl:


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

SunRider, listen to your gut. 21 is WAY too young to be thinking about marriage, at least in my personal opinion. But I am also someone who got married young to someone who was not right for me whatsoever. Go out, live your life, do the things you are passionate about because you only get a few years of "Freewheeling" time. 

I once was told some very solid advice by an old teacher of mine, who at 37 had just had her first child. She told me "Wait until you absolutely cannot wait any longer for a child - then all the effort, the pain, the sleepless nights, all the difficult things you go through will seem like nothing at all and worth every moment."


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## squirrelfood (Mar 29, 2014)

It used to be "dating" meant going out and getting to know each other and a dinner or movie, or go dancing. Seems these days "dating" means going to bed with someone you barely know, either before or after the above. I don't "date" any more.


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## ForeverSunRider (Jun 27, 2013)

Mulefeather said:


> "Wait until you absolutely cannot wait any longer for a child - then all the effort, the pain, the sleepless nights, all the difficult things you go through will seem like nothing at all and worth every moment."



Hmmm...sounds like that other person still is advocating for reproduction. :lol:


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## ForeverSunRider (Jun 27, 2013)

squirrelfood said:


> It used to be "dating" meant going out and getting to know each other and a dinner or movie, or go dancing. Seems these days "dating" means going to bed with someone you barely know, either before or after the above. I don't "date" any more.


The former definition is my definition of dating haha


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## Hang on Fi (Sep 22, 2007)

Well said OP 

I'm 25, my husband is a fair amount older than me. However, we both agreed I wanted at least one child, if not two. He was happy with the agreement. 

Our love life hasn't been that great the last two years and it has left me wondering if I want (or even have time) for children. Some of it is bitterness, the other is I'm just so flipping busy! I would hate to have to break the news to my Mom who is constantly dropping hints about kids, that I don't want any. (if I chose that route) 

My eldest brother has two kids and my middle brother never will (mentally handicapped). I'm the only daughter and she's chomping at the bit for me to have a child. My husband "acts" like he's excited to try for a kid, but I haven't seem the enthusiasm in the works. 

Your uterus, your choice. I think it's perfectly natural for a Mother to eagerly await (and drop hints) to their children about having children. Doesn't make us feel any better though  If you don't think you can juggle the extra addition to the family, don't do it. You'll know if you're ready (or so I'm told


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## Hang on Fi (Sep 22, 2007)

squirrelfood said:


> It used to be "dating" meant going out and getting to know each other and a dinner or movie, or go dancing. Seems these days "dating" means going to bed with someone you barely know, either before or after the above. I don't "date" any more.


Isn't that the darned truth!! If you don't put out, they don't want anything to do with you. Fortunately I only encountered one date like that, but I really didn't date THAT much until I found my DH.


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## Yogiwick (Sep 30, 2013)

Oh yes the good old IN LOVE and MEANT TO BE after knowing each other 3 month and being engaged.

Granted some people are lucky but MANY of those 6 months later "THAT LOSER!"


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## DuffyDuck (Sep 27, 2011)

squirrelfood said:


> It used to be "dating" meant going out and getting to know each other and a dinner or movie, or go dancing. Seems these days "dating" means going to bed with someone you barely know, either before or after the above. I don't "date" any more.


 
Guilty as charged.

I met my other half on a movie night with friends, then we went out for coffee, stayed out for dinner and drinks and woops... 
10 months later we're extremely happy in a weird environment which means we pretty much live together, and I get to starfish and steal all the pillows in my own bed a couple of times a week if I want.

We still do date nights, and go out and do different things a LOT. We've holidayed together, done many long weekends and car journeys, he supported me through a very emotional, difficult period when we first met which drove family and friends away for a time because I was awful to be around.

But apart from my friends jokingly said they don't want peach bridesmaid dresses, we've avoided all marriage/baby conversations thank goodness.


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