# Help please, should I switch barns? What should I do?



## Arccannine (Sep 21, 2015)

I joined here because I need help.
I have been at my barn for three years (since the time my trainer moved to there) and I started showing last year and it was a lot of fun. There weren't many people but we all liked each other. I always got my lessons and never had one canceled. This year it changed.
I started working at my barn last September to pay for my lease, and it was still only a few of us. But then all these new people arrived. I wasn't jealous , and I hadn't had lessons canceled yet. But while finding my horse to lease, she put me on a horse where she knew I wouldn't be happy and gave an experienced show horse to a new girl, "a' . A only arrived in the winter and she was really nice at first, but the more lessons she had, mine were canceled and she didn't like me as much and talked down to me. My trainer tried to say it was because she had more shows but that's not fair, because A showed previously and she was on an experienced show horse. I was on a baby horse and we still needed lots of help. When summer came around, I was expecting it to be fun, and I thought there would be more time for lessons. But mine kept getting canceled. Always mine. I didn't have lessons for two to three weeks one time, right before a show, and them I couldn't ride for another two weeks because my horse hurt himself. My trained didn't seem to care and she just kept giving lessons to A and the other girls and she just ignored me. It also hurts a lot because I have been here since my trainer was but now everyone loves the new girls.
My friends or at least I thought they were, didn't seem to care I was becoming depressed. And they didn't treat me like they treat each other. They didn't involve me in their fun games, and wouldn't ask me to hang out even if I asked (that's brave for me because severe anxiety usually stops me). They didn't comment on my photos on Instagram and wouldn't even try to support me during my rides at the show, and wouldn't even tell me anything supportive. This may seem insignificant but when they support everyone else, it.. Hurts. A lot.
I got really upset at one of my shows and had a breakdown. And it sucked but my trainer didn't care.
I don't get the time I need, I'm working to support something I don't enjoy anymore, my friends sure don't treat me like a friend, and I don't think my trainer cares. 
Help? What should I do? I'm going to talk to her but if it doesn't solve anything and my friends don't change I'm not sure.


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## Whinnie (Aug 9, 2015)

First, it sounds like you are working for lessons you are not getting. Is there something written up that says so much work = so many lessons?

It sounds like you are really unhappy and have been for a few months. If you can find another place to lease a horse and take lessons, it may be a good idea to start fresh. Get things written down so everyone understands what to expect in the lease.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Riding is about you and your horse, first of all. If you still love that relationship then don't let a terrible trainer or yucky barn rats ruin it for you.

I would find a new barn, one where you are being treated with respect instead of feeling belittled.


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## Woodhaven (Jan 21, 2014)

If the other riders are getting lessons and paying cash for them, it sounds like your trainer is putting them ahead of you because you are working for your lessons. She gets the work done and you don't get the lesson, something is wrong there. 
Can you talk to her about it? in a nice way just to clarify where you stand in the arrangement you have with her.
The people who are paying for her services are getting preferential treatment and you are doing the stable work and also working on a less trained horse for her.
Are there other places you could go if your discussion with the trainer is not satisfactory?


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## kelseyannxo (Jun 25, 2015)

I'm not sure if I'm reading correctly, but are you working off your lessons or are you paying for them?
If you are working off your lessons, your trainer may very well be putting those who put money in her hand ahead of you. After all - she is running a business. This doesn't make it right by any means, in fact, I went through the same thing a few years ago in college. I was working for my lessons at one point when cash was low and it seemed my trainer was putting me at the bottom of her priority list. Once I was financially stable and able to pay once again, she put me back up at the top, always keeping in contact about my lessons, giving me the first available time she had, etc. 

Now, again, what your trainer is doing isn't right. You should talk to her, but it won't be easy. Take a confrontational approach as opposed to aggressive and jealous. She'll be able to understand you better. I don't think she's doing it on purpose, as like I said, she is running a business and needs to support herself, as well. She may not realize she's putting you on the bottom of her list. This may also explain why she's giving you the horses to ride that are at the bottom of the show experience list. It makes sense from her point of view, truly, because she really does need to make money off of her clients, and lessons in exchange for stable work doesn't necessarily help pay the bills. No offense to you at all - but she's making a deal with you to help you out. She just doesn't see you as a priority at the moment without money in your hand and I truly wouldn't take it personal, as she'd probably do with anybody who started working off lessons as opposed to buying them. 

As far as the friends go, it sounds pretty crappy. How old are you, might I ask? Girls can get "cliquey" if you know what I mean, especially in the teens. I'd confront them, as well. If that doesn't go well, pack your stuff and leave. There are plenty of barns around with people who will treat you right. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Arccannine (Sep 21, 2015)

Woodhaven said:


> If the other riders are getting lessons and paying cash for them, it sounds like your trainer is putting them ahead of you because you are working for your lessons. She gets the work done and you don't get the lesson, something is wrong there.
> Can you talk to her about it? in a nice way just to clarify where you stand in the arrangement you have with her.
> The people who are paying for her services are getting preferential treatment and you are doing the stable work and also working on a less trained horse for her.
> Are there other places you could go if your discussion with the trainer is not satisfactory?


I'm not working for lessons but I work for board and we put payments for lessons ahead of time. It's just hard because I have paid for lessons, but it seems she doesn't have time for lessons for only /me/. The other girls say they still get their lessons.


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## Arccannine (Sep 21, 2015)

kelseyannxo said:


> I'm not sure if I'm reading correctly, but are you working off your lessons or are you paying for them?
> If you are working off your lessons, your trainer may very well be putting those who put money in her hand ahead of you. After all - she is running a business. This doesn't make it right by any means, in fact, I went through the same thing a few years ago in college. I was working for my lessons at one point when cash was low and it seemed my trainer was putting me at the bottom of her priority list. Once I was financially stable and able to pay once again, she put me back up at the top, always keeping in contact about my lessons, giving me the first available time she had, etc.
> 
> Now, again, what your trainer is doing isn't right. You should talk to her, but it won't be easy. Take a confrontational approach as opposed to aggressive and jealous. She'll be able to understand you better. I don't think she's doing it on purpose, as like I said, she is running a business and needs to support herself, as well. She may not realize she's putting you on the bottom of her list. This may also explain why she's giving you the horses to ride that are at the bottom of the show experience list. It makes sense from her point of view, truly, because she really does need to make money off of her clients, and lessons in exchange for stable work doesn't necessarily help pay the bills. No offense to you at all - but she's making a deal with you to help you out. She just doesn't see you as a priority at the moment without money in your hand and I truly wouldn't take it personal, as she'd probably do with anybody who started working off lessons as opposed to buying them.
> ...


I do pay for my lessons and I'm fine with being stuck on my horse since he's teaching me a lot, but I just don't think it's fair that she won't teach me as much as some or the newer girls, who still haven't been riding as long as me. I'm fine with learning how to get a feel for riding him, but she knows I wanted to do a lot more this summer, but she didn't give me lessons I needed.
I'm 16, almost 17. I try to talk to them about it and then they go silent when I bring up what's wrong with me. There's some things I can't change but I can try..


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

are your parents involved? could the new girls have more natural talent? Ask her for a lesson schedule that wont interfere with what ever is causing her to cancel. If I were getting my lessons cancelled I would go elsewhere personally.


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## Whinnie (Aug 9, 2015)

So you have paid ahead of time for lessons that are being cancelled? I can sure see why you are unhappy. That, and the other issues with the girls may be a good reason to look elsewhere. You should be having fun.


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## Horseychick87 (Feb 5, 2014)

I'm much the same way as far as the friends go, so I know how much it hurts. I've come to realize that they weren't really my friends and it was time to move on, we had grown apart in other areas of our lives and were no longer compatible. It still sucks though.

Since you are paying for the lessons, when your trainer cancels do you/ your parents get refunded or re-scheduled? If not then leave as she's taking advantage of you. If she is refunding the money that is one thing, if she re-schedules you then cancels again, I'd leave as well.

If you are hard working and trying your best there is no reason (natural talent or not) for you to miss your lessons, period. I'd be furious and hurt all at the same time.

Maybe you can try to find a new barn as a back up and give the trainer another chance, if she blows it again, then I'd pack up and leave.


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## Regula (Jan 23, 2012)

I didn't quite understand the deal. You don't have your own horse, but you work for board on a lease? And for that, you get no say which horse you are leasing, and pay extra for lessons (which get cancelled often)? That doesn't sound like a very good deal to me...

It does sound like you might be better off finding a new situation where you can learn more and show more, if that is what you want. I would at least have an honest talk with your trainer about how unhappy you are and that you will go and find something more suitable if she is not willing to make changes.

From experience, sucking it up out of a sense of loyalty and waiting for things so get better by themselves rarely works. Don't be bitter, but make sure your expectations are clear, and if your needs aren't met here, they will be somewhere else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

Horseychick87 said:


> I'm much the same way as far as the friends go, so I know how much it hurts. I've come to realize that they weren't really my friends and it was time to move on, we had grown apart in other areas of our lives and were no longer compatible. It still sucks though.
> 
> Since you are paying for the lessons, when your trainer cancels do you/ your parents get refunded or re-scheduled? If not then leave as she's taking advantage of you. If she is refunding the money that is one thing, if she re-schedules you then cancels again, I'd leave as well.
> 
> ...


Natural talent has nothing to do with cancelling but it would have to do with what horse they may be chosen to have. You want the best riders with the appropriate horses especially if this is a show barn.


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## Horseychick87 (Feb 5, 2014)

churumbeque said:


> Natural talent has nothing to do with cancelling but it would have to do with what horse they may be chosen to have. You want the best riders with the appropriate horses especially if this is a show barn.


 In my neck of the woods the lesser rider would be put on the experienced show horse/ packer as the horse knows the drill better than the rider does and will pack them around safely.
The better riders are often put on the horses that are greener to help bring them along.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

so this is your horse. You prepaid for lessons. You were not given said lessons.
I would have your parents ask for the prepaid $$ to be returned. 
I would try to find someplace to move your horse. She cannot be the only trainer in town. 
Teenage girls are snots. Little hormonal snots. Some never grow up and stay hormonal snots as adults. It is normal to have hurt feelings being ostracised . Ignore them. If you do not fit their mind set, body type, hair color, etc etc, all they are going to do is pick on you. Ignore them the best you can. these girls may grow up to rude nasty and unhappy adults. I was never the popular girl, and some of the women that I know now, who were, are insecure women, afraid to grow up and old, because some younger woman could take their place. 
but i would move barns and change trainers and ask for the refund of pre paid money for lessons.


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