# Don't have a title yet



## Mary7518006 (Aug 30, 2014)

Please comebt if there's anything I should do differently should I continue also some options on the title
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## faiza425 (Dec 21, 2012)

I can't comment on the story itself or the title too much because you haven't written a lot, and so far, very little action has taken place. I do like how you gave each horse character with how they eat their apple 

A few hints:

You changed your tense at one point from past tense (fog fillED the air) to present tense (Melanie tip wakES and tip toES) right at the beginning of the story. 

Punctuation: You need a space after each period and comma before you start your next word. You are using too many commas in one place, "Marco is a huge, chestnut, quarter horse" (and in that sentence, you don't need any commas). Also, you are often using commas instead of 'and' in sentences, which is not an adequate replacement.

Use the correct forms of your and you're (you're is a contraction meaning you are, "You're not a dog, Marco" and your means something belonging to someone, your horse, etc.) 

Same goes for there, their, and they're. There means a place, "Let's ride over there." The horses hang their heads of the stall, because their heads belong to them. They're is a contraction of they are, "They're going riding."

Do you have a favorite book? Get that book and read a few pages, paying specific attention to the writer's grammar and punctuation. What does the author do differently than you? Is their story easier to read, and does it have a better flow to it?


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## Mary7518006 (Aug 30, 2014)

faiza425 said:


> I can't comment on the story itself or the title too much because you haven't written a lot, and so far, very little action has taken place. I do like how you gave each horse character with how they eat their apple
> 
> A few hints:
> 
> ...


Thanks for your replay .I love how you said something about the way they eat their apples . The horses in this story/book are real horses from my life just names have changed.
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## Mary7518006 (Aug 30, 2014)

I have resided since I have made so many mistakes I'm going to rewrite thanks for replys
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## faiza425 (Dec 21, 2012)

Mary7518006 said:


> I have resided since I have made so many mistakes I'm going to rewrite thanks for replys
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think that's a good idea. I forgot to add that I would love to see it reworked. And I always love it when people put personality traits from their own horses/horses they know. It makes them much more realistic.


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