# Letting Friends Ride Your Horse



## hamlette (Jul 15, 2013)

So I'm wondering what you guys do when a very close friend of yours, who has owned horses and has been riding for years, asks to ride your horse and you're not at ALL happy with how your horse responds to your friend's riding.

I'm in a bit of a dilemma here--I have a friend of mine who's been pretty stressed out lately, so she asked me if she could come ride every once in a while. Of course I said yes! The first time she rode my horse, I knew he'd act up, because he's one of those that likes to "test" a new rider to see what he can get away with. (I'm working on breaking this habit.) He didn't get away with much, luckily, but the second time she rode, my horse began to lean very heavily on her hands (after I repeatedly told her how to correct him), hollow his back, and brace against her. She got frustrated so she did something that horrified me--she took the reins and slapped his shoulders as hard as she could. At that point I told her I'd like to get on and work with him. He was so tense, unresponsive to my aids, and full of nervous energy. I've never seen him like that before--he's a pretty chill horse.

Needless to say I don't want my friend riding him again. But she's been asking me pretty frequently if she can come back, and I just give her some excuse.

If you've found yourself in a similar situation, what did you do? I am fearful that telling her the truth will damage our friendship in some way.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

Tell her the truth in a tactful way. If she's a real friend, she'll get over it.


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## Incitatus32 (Jan 5, 2013)

I'm always honest. My friends know that they're riding my horse and that I have my horses trained how I want them trained. Just be honest and tell her the way that you want her to handle the situations and that it's for the benefit of the HORSE to have a consistent correction. If she doesn't want to do it your way then she can't ride your horse, if she does then alls good.


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## EdmontonHorseGal (Jun 2, 2013)

tell her you did not agree with the way she handled your horse. also tell her if she wants to ride him again she will be on a lunge line with no reins, under your full instruction and control. ride time is ride time, eh?


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

Tell her no. Even on lunge line, this rider will be making horse tense.

If she needs therapy, there are counselors.


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## stevenson (Sep 12, 2011)

i would gently tell her that your horse cannot be handled in the way she handled him, that it set back his 'training', so you dont think its good for him to be ridden by other people just now.


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

smrobs said:


> Tell her the truth in a tactful way. If she's a real friend, she'll get over it.


I agree with the honesty approach. I would however let her know that you NEVER let anyone ride her as it has taken awhile to build up a strong relationship with your horse and you obviously want to keep that intact. I would tell her that you made her the exception, but you think it's best to stay with the one on one approach. Nothing personal at all and glad she at least had the opportunity to ride her. It just softens the situation a bit.

It needn't be a confrontation.

Think good thoughts !


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## dressagebelle (May 13, 2009)

I was always picky about how my horses are handled. Fortunately when I had my Thoroughbred, no one else wanted to deal with her, but I had a friend lease my first horse for a while, and they did not get along. I agree with byklem, as I'm assuming that you don't have other people riding him on a consistent basis that will turn that statement into a falsehood, and you aren't necessarily saying that it's just your friend you don't want to ride your horse. Ultimately you are the one that has to work with your horse long term, and it's not fair to you to have to "fix" your horse every time your friend rides. If she really needs some "therapy", I'm sure that there are other better suited horses for her to ride, if she looks hard enough. If she's taking lessons, she can always ask her trainer if she can ride one of the school horses for a little bit, or something. It's not up to you though to make your friend happy.


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## Roperchick (Feb 1, 2010)

Honesty is key. Just be tactful, try to not let emotions get into it. Maybe think about exactly you want to say in advance.

Avoiding her, making up excuses etc will be more damaging in the end I think.

Does she not have her own horses to ride?


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## toosexy4myspotz (Oct 7, 2007)

I just ran into this issue in October last year. It was a girl that I have been friends with for twelve years. We actually decided to let her ride my husbands gelding who just about dead broke. Well, on the way home she let him brace against her and rush home. Well, she wanted to ride one of our made and I flat out said no. If that gelding is going to test her and get by with it then my mares would have done some serious damage. I don't ever put anybody on either of our mares because they are extreme testers. The one in my profile picture will have you figured out before your foot hits the stirrup to mount. My friend never got to ride any of horses again and now, she isn't a friend. If she got mad at me over that then that wasn't a friendship. She claimed she was used to riding headstrong horses. Well, don't brace against both reins and pull back, correct them. If you can't correct my calmest horse properly then you surely won't make it on my other ones. 

Just be honest with her. I always tell people I won't let them ride because it will take me months to redo what they undo in two minutes. I don't have the time for that. I don't mean to be offensive like they can't ride but nobody rides exactly like me. So when I go to get back on my own horse they don't respond like I want them to


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## Cielo Notturno (Sep 12, 2013)

You could try and soften the blow by saying that you two have very different riding styles and you think the horse would get confused.

"Different" is a nice way to put things because it suggests that she's not wrong. 

In truth she might be not wrong, I don't see a slap with the reins as a mortal offense, *but* if it's not the way you want your horse ridden, it's your right to say no.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

I have had a similar experience twice like that; the first time was with a newbie rider that claimed to know more than she did. My gelding was way too energetic and highly trained to deal with such an inexperienced rider. I had to tell her that he was just too much horse for her, but I would be happy to help her find a nice horse. She declined my offer, and never asked to ride mine again. However, although she continued to act friendly, we were no longer close and then she bought a horse & started stealing my feed, so that was the end of that!

The other one was very experienced, but heavy handed. I let her ride my other horse reluctantly because her horse had recently died. Anyway, it did not go well at all. That horse got really ticked at her and refused to move faster than a walk, repeatedly kicking out when she put her heels on him. She was reduced to huge kicking, which only made him madder and madder...she finally gave up and got off, telling me he needed to learn to obey. 

I swear, my horse was furious with me for letting that lady ride him, and had I realized how she had hurt him, I would have made her get off much sooner! I realized after she left, that even with a very soft bean snaffle, she had tore up the corners of his mouth and he was BLEEDING at both corners. I was distraught, and he was MAD :evil:

My poor horse refused to eat for three days!!! Day four he finally took and apple from me and started eating again, so I rode him very gently with a lot of praise in just a halter, and he forgave me. But it took two weeks for his mouth and brain to recover enough for me to put a bit in his mouth again. 

Now, I don't let anyone ride my horse, unless I am leading them with a halter. I tell anyone that asks that I am working on some difficult issues with the horse right now, and it would interfer with their training to let anyone else ride. To discourage them further, I tell my friends that I wouldn't want my horse to hurt them (without going into specifics).


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## womack29 (Oct 30, 2011)

I never let anyone ride my horse
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## princessfluffybritches (Aug 10, 2012)

I am very picky about who gets on my horse. If they don't have soft hands, they don't get to ride her. I can't put anyone on her that doesn't know how to ride because she will run off with them.

Be honest and lie, LOL. If she is getting so mad that she has to slap your horse, then she is not experienced enough to ride your horse. You will have to worry about her safety .


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## AFull99 (Feb 21, 2014)

hamlette said:


> So I'm wondering what you guys do when a very close friend of yours, who has owned horses and has been riding for years, asks to ride your horse and you're not at ALL happy with how your horse responds to your friend's riding.
> 
> I'm in a bit of a dilemma here--I have a friend of mine who's been pretty stressed out lately, so she asked me if she could come ride every once in a while. Of course I said yes! The first time she rode my horse, I knew he'd act up, because he's one of those that likes to "test" a new rider to see what he can get away with. (I'm working on breaking this habit.) He didn't get away with much, luckily, but the second time she rode, my horse began to lean very heavily on her hands (after I repeatedly told her how to correct him), hollow his back, and brace against her. She got frustrated so she did something that horrified me--she took the reins and slapped his shoulders as hard as she could. At that point I told her I'd like to get on and work with him. He was so tense, unresponsive to my aids, and full of nervous energy. I've never seen him like that before--he's a pretty chill horse.
> 
> ...



i think you should try one last time...but you work him first. show her how to correctly ride him...find a way to tell her that you know stressed she is, and you are trying to help make the ride as stress free as possible. but if she still does not ride him correctly, then you're going to have to tell her, as nicely as possible, that your horse is not a good match for her. 

not every horse can be ridden the exact same way. you know your horse, she doesn't. if she wants to ride your horse, she will need to be willing to learn how to ride your horse. does that even make sense?!? 

personally, i allow some people to ride my horses. but only ones that understand my horses, and how they like to be ridden. if the rider does something that my one horse doesn't like, he will come to me, and refuse to move off, unless i lead them. and that opens a door for me to be able to explain and help them work it out. 

best of luck with this sticky situation.


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## Cincinnati (Jun 21, 2013)

hamlette said:


> So I'm wondering what you guys do when a very close friend of yours, who has owned horses and has been riding for years, asks to ride your horse and you're not at ALL happy with how your horse responds to your friend's riding.
> 
> I'm in a bit of a dilemma here--I have a friend of mine who's been pretty stressed out lately, so she asked me if she could come ride every once in a while. Of course I said yes! The first time she rode my horse, I knew he'd act up, because he's one of those that likes to "test" a new rider to see what he can get away with. (I'm working on breaking this habit.) He didn't get away with much, luckily, but the second time she rode, my horse began to lean very heavily on her hands (after I repeatedly told her how to correct him), hollow his back, and brace against her. She got frustrated so she did something that horrified me--she took the reins and slapped his shoulders as hard as she could. At that point I told her I'd like to get on and work with him. He was so tense, unresponsive to my aids, and full of nervous energy. I've never seen him like that before--he's a pretty chill horse.
> 
> ...


 
When I got my horse I told everybody from the start (so they new up front) "That I had always wanted a horse that nobody rode but me." No one has ever ask. Now I have a horse that if any bad habits come up I have no one to blame but me.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

One gal asked my hubby if she could ride my horse. His response was, "We're going to pick up 125 bales off the field tomorrow, if you'd like to give us a hand" Another one was "I have this vet/farrier bill you'd consider paying". He made it clear the horse was mine, not his. When one fellow asked if he could ride my horse, I asked if I could borrow his car to take my goats to the neighbors. I didn't have any goats.


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## Herosbud (Dec 14, 2013)

hamlet, I guess that you are in the trick bag a little, but I am with womack - I don't let anyone ride my horse. I bought him - I feed him - I pay the vet bills - I pay to shoe him - and in my mind I can't replace him. Basically I don't have a livery service. I guess you might find out how good of a friend you really have.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

Saddlebag--Surely one ride doesn't equate to a vet bill xD

Personally, I'd let someone else ride my horse. Before I owned him, he was a lesson horse and he has "been there, done that". Now, would I let someone ride all the time? No. Would I even let them ride every week? Probably not. But a ride here and there? Sure, why not.

When I purchase a second horse (hopefully next year x.x) I'd like to have a riding buddy every now and then, and Gator will be it. xD


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

Oh boy...touchy deal! So many issues are involved with letting someone on a horse you own.

I have had a couple of friends over the years come out and go for a trail ride with me. They rode my husband's mature and mellow geldings. Both riders were green peas (first time on a horse for one) but they did what I said and we all had great time. I would also happily let an experienced and knowledgeable friend ride.

I would rather ride with a very green rider who knows they know nothing and is willing to listen than with someone who has ridden enough to think they know something but are a hindrance to the horse. Actually, if I felt the horse would have a problem with another rider, I would never let them on. End of story.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Saddlebag--Surely one ride doesn't equate to a vet bill xD. Zexious, actually it does. I'm of the same mindset as Herosbud. If you want to share your horses that's your decision but many of us don't or have learned the consequences the hard way. This is often when generosity of heart backfires.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

If she is a friend, then she should accept when you tell her that you don't want her to ride your horse again. Give her an explanation if you like, or not. Personally, I wouldn't say anything more than that the horse didn't respond well during or after her ride and that is to be avoided by keeping her off the horse.

I wouldn't say that no one else is allowed to ride my horse unless that is actually the case.


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## HollyBubbles (Jun 22, 2009)

I tend to pick on a person by person and horse by horse basis...

Bubbles: anybody could ride her, but if you didn't know what you were doing and got cocky about it, sorry, but your @$$ was in the dirt, and never by any dirty means, she just didn't like attitude mixed with inexperience.. If I put a complete beginner, who was happy to listen to guidance, she was fine...
Example one... ex-friend wanted to get on, I said sure as long as you listen, it started out well, I told her to keep to a walk to start with since Bubbles was forward moving, she listened for about 5 seconds, then trotted, then cantered, bubbles rounded the corner in the paddock... And the rider didn't... That shrunk her head back to normal size.
Example two... A good friend of mine come out and rode Bubbles, I started her on the lunge, guided her through everything and taught her how bubbles as an individual reacts and likes to be ridden, I had her confidently cantering around the paddock on her own in about 45 minutes.

Mitch, i will only put people on him that I have seen ride multiple other horses, and even then, only if I fully agree that their style of riding will suit Mitch's training and riding, or that they are willing to listen and adapt... I need solid proof of that before I put them on him... So far, 4 other people have ridden him.. Two that I would happily have ride him again, two that I would be a little hesitant to let ride again.
I would happily put my mum on him, because mum knows him, she knows what he responds to and she would be happy to keep to a walk and nothing else, and Mitch is the type who would quite happily plod for long enough to satisfy mum who is not a confident rider and would be happy with a short plod around the paddock.

Then there's DJ.. Nobody but me rides her, and that is a firm NOBODY but me, no exceptions at all. This is more for the humans safety than anything, because I know DJ's issues and problems and quirks etc, she is not an easy horse to handle, and if you don't know her and understand her well enough, you will get hurt, and I'm not willing to risk any of my friends getting hurt. That and I don't want to upset DJ's training which is so far going along well (albeit slowly).

I would be honest with your friend OP... I'm not sure if it's her riding style that doesn't agree with your horse, or maybe whether she is taking her stress to the paddock and hoping that by some magical turn of events the horse will solve everything and leave her stress free and relaxed and happy or whatever... But either way it isn't working, and she does need to know that perhaps this isn't the right horse for her to ride right now while she is so stressed, you just need to find a tactful way to say it that isn't outright "you suck, your not riding my horse, he hates you"


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## jackboy (Jul 8, 2012)

I let anyone ride mine not that picky about if they could undo my training in one ride I'd quit training


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians (Nov 14, 2010)

I don't allow anyone to ride any of my horses. If they don't have their own horse and want to ride, I know where there's a stable that hires out horses and will make arrangements for them to ride one of theirs (they pay) and I take one of mine and we go for a ride. Never had a friend be disappointed that way and my friends all know my horses are show horses and not for just anyone to ride.


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## Roux (Aug 23, 2013)

If I didn't let a select few people ride my horse I would never have any one to ride with. That being said I only ride with people who I know are good riders and who have experience and who I enjoy riding with. I also only ride with them on my other horse trails or w/e. 

Also they would let me ride their horses with them so it is a good trade off. When I know it goes both ways I feel pretty comfortable about it.


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## copper (Mar 1, 2014)

very rarely does anyone else ride mine. including my husband. we have a 28yo paint that i'll send someone on once in a while, but ol duke is so wise, i know they won't be getting the better of him, its usually the other way around.

i've had or seen far, far too many issues arise, always at the horses' expense. my horses are in my care, at my mercy, and they deserve soft hands and kind treatment.

i have been amazed and horrified at what 'friends' will do to my horses--run the guts out, kick and yank, or the other way, allow very bad habits to go unchecked at all. 

then there is liability in today's sue-happy world. i don't wish to loose everything over a little ride.

years ago my hubby's aunt was getting into the habit of us being her daughter's dude ranch, for her and all her friends/boyfriends. one day she flat out told me when the girl and her current bf would be out, and that he'd need my best mare. all said like ordering a pizza. i didn't like the way they treated my horses in the first place, then this attitude? I kinda chuckled as NO one rode buckette but me. she was so mad, she didn't talk to me for months, and has been fairly cold to me since--we're talking years now. so all we were was free horse rides. funny part is, her son and husband had 2 horses themselves! but mine are better so they just assumed they were also up for the taking whenever 'ordered'. 

be very careful but i think some of the 'excuses' listed here are best. honest but use an easy delivery.


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