# I love my horses, but I don't enjoy riding anymore. Help!



## Jan1975 (Sep 7, 2015)

Okay those people are exceptionally mean and cruel. Seriously. Who says that stuff? Get away from those people. Are taking lessons? Working with an instructor would probably help your confidence a lot. Also, you are certainly not too old. I'm 41 and I just started riding within the last year after taking a 25-year-break.


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## Prairie (May 13, 2016)

I'm sorry you had the horrible experience with trail riders since most of us are friendly, encouraging, enjoy sharing our knowledge with others, and try to be helpful without judging new trail riders. Do you know of any trail clubs in your area that you could join? Also, there are several of us in our club who ride English just so we can jump over downfall, so not everybody in the Plains is so narrow minded. It sounds like you found a group who never got over the middle school mentality unfortunately. Please try finding another trail group to ride with!


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## karliejaye (Nov 19, 2011)

Oh honey, if you feel like trail riding, go trail ride! If you don't want to ride, do ground work, learn to drive, love on your horses take them for trail walks, get real good at grooming. There are SO many options beyond riding.


Those folks who razzed you for how you rode, being in English gear, and insulted your horses are insecure dumb dumbs! I know it's easier said than done, but ignore them, they're nothing but static.


I used to do 3 day eventing and did Pony Club as a kid and was really motivated. I still love my horses and am starting to get my motivation back, but I have been in a bit of a rut lately about riding, too. I think it's normal. Maybe you switch focus and find a new path, maybe you just take a break and come back to hunter jumpers. Doesn't matter, they are equally "right". 


And you are NOT the only one who trail rides in English gear. I had a horse roll over on me in polo and I severely injured my hip. Western saddles HURT injured hips! Here I am riding on a trail in my English saddle. The gal I ride with is in her 60's and only ever rides Western. We have very different styles, but we respect eachother as horse women should.


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I can honestly say I've _never _had an experience like that. And if I did, I'd probably want to stop riding too! What awful people to be around.

I'm about twice your age, so maybe it's a little easier to not care what people say about me, but I really would just tune out all that nonsense and do what you like doing. I have a 22 year old horse who's a little swaybacked, and I ride her out on the trails in a dressage saddle and dressage bridle (minus the cavesson) since that's comfortable for us. Oh, and I ride in paddock boots, riding tights, and t-shirts  I'm sure those terrible people you ride with would have _plenty _to say about me!! 









Being a good teacher- especially for beginners- is a real gift. If you have a passion for teaching and you're good at that, why not keeping going? 

And I totally agree with what @*Prairie* said about trying to find a local club to ride with. Maybe if you were around some older riders who were in to the recreational/pleasure side of horses, the intense criticism wouldn't be there and you'd enjoy it more?

PS- everyone on this forum _loves _seeing pictures of horses young and old, big and small, "ugly" and "pretty"- so you should add some pictures of your horses here for us to ooh and ahh over. I can pretty much guarantee you're not going to get hateful comments from us!!


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## oh vair oh (Mar 27, 2012)

Just remember, if you give up the bullies win. Find yourself a very positive riding coach and surround yourself with positive people. 

Also, standing up for yourself takes practice. I used to be a HUGE codependent push-over. It has taken me literally years to get to the point where I can say "no" to people without feeling bad. Try and identify moments in your life where you change yourself to accommodate other people and then role-play how you would like to change the situation. Practice out loud so you can hear what the words sound like and how much power you can give them. Then once you start identifying these moments during your life, begin speaking up like you have practiced. Start small. For me it was rehearsing saying "no thanks" to the stupid air filter they always try and sell you at car inspection. Or saying "no thanks" to my friends when I didn't feel like going out. Once you realize the world doesn't radically change by you saying "no", you'll gain more confidence. Now I have no problem saying no to my boss, asking for a raise, and could care less what people think about my riding. 

Life is too short to let other people dictate your feelings and choices. Haters are a part of the landscape. They do it because something is missing inside themselves. Once you ride out there with your new confidence, and they say, "Hey you suck at riding!" and you say, "So? Tell me something I don't know?" they have absolutely no power over you. Years later when they've wasted all their time trying to bring people down instead of focusing on improving their craft like you have, you'll just pass by and smile and wave.


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## HombresArablegacy (Oct 12, 2013)

Wow, I can't answer all your questions,, but I will say this. You need to find new people to trail ride with because the ones hurling insults at you, your riding style and your horse are nothing but immature twits!!!

You say your confidence is shaken, but you really love horses. Don't let anyone or anything stop you from pursuing that love. At 21, you have your entire life ahead of you, ride at your own pace and what is comfortable for YOU. I know that at your age, coments and opinions of others, especially negative ones, sting. You will grow out of that.

Try telling yourself that you don't give a rat's behind what others think of you, and keep telling yourself that until you believe it. And as for those who criticize you and your horse, straighten your back, look them in the eye and say "Bless your heart" and then go do your thing, your way. Do what makes YOU happy. People can only make you feel bad if you allow them to. 

BTW, just in case you're not familiar with the saying 'Bless your heart' it's a way we Southerners tell someone that they're an idiot! In our polite southern way, lol.
In your case it could also mean S%=÷× you and the horse you rode in on !!!

Either way, you need to find more friendly people to ride with. No one deserves to put up with that crap.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

I started riding at 50, so I hope 21 isn't too old to start over at!

I like using a western saddle, but it takes my 58 year old body about 20-30 minutes to stretch out enough for me to melt around the saddle. Until then, I look like my legs are made out of 2x6s. And no matter how long I'm in the saddle, my back stays stiff. I have never met anyone with less natural riding ability than me!

I also wear a helmet in an area where no one else I've seen on the trail does.

This:

"_Once you ride out there with your new confidence, and they say, "Hey you suck at riding!" and you say, "So? Tell me something I don't know?" they have absolutely no power over you. Years later when they've wasted all their time trying to bring people down instead of focusing on improving their craft like you have, you'll just pass by and smile and wave._"

The people who like to tear others down don't actually go away. They do tend to become easier to spot...bitterness eats inside people until is emerges in their face in middle age. At least, it seems that way to me. One of the deacons in our little church is 83. I think his wife is 84. I'd swear they both glow from the inside out. IIRC, they married at 21, and 60+ years later they look...well, like they are still 21 on the inside, if you know what I mean. Heck, they walk into church with their arms around each other, and hold each others hands during the preaching.

But some people, at 45, look like their face and soul have been through the wringer and twisted beyond recognition.

Don't let the bitterness in others prevent you from doing what you love. As for horses - that may be riding. Or not. I have a friend who decided she wasn't comfortable riding out in the desert by herself - she's in her 60s - so she takes her horse for walks and hangs out around him in their backyard. She's happy, the horse is happy...so what is wrong with that? I'm pretty sure Bandit, the horse in my avatar, won't lose any sleep if I stop riding...but I think he enjoys hanging around humans.

If the stiffness in my body stops me from riding someday, I plan to keep owning horses. The actor Robert Wagner (probably before your time) said _'horses are the most therapeutic of animals_'. I find them that way, too. On a summer evening, with the hot desert sun below the horizon, my wife & I can sit on the corral panel and talk with 3 horses seeming interested in every word. That isn't a bad way to enjoy horses...:wink:


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## jamesqf (Oct 5, 2009)

HunterEq95 said:


> I also feel that I am too old to start all over...


There are plenty of folks on here, including me, who didn't start riding until they were old enough to be your parents, or even (if somewhat precocious) grandparents. So that argument's a non-starter. 

If you don't want to show, don't show. I don't understand what people see in it, myself, but tastes differ.



> I feel like I am a laughing stock because I am pretty much back to being at beginner's level at 21...


See above comment about age. I make a laughingstock out of myself fairly often. So do my more experienced riding friends, now and then. Relax and enjoy the laugh, even if it's at yourself.



> I was also told...


Well, avoid those people in the future! Not everyone is like that. Around here (at least among the people I know), you'd be more likely to take a bit of kidding about riding fancy expensive gaited horses - mustangs and various mixes (AKA generic horse) are most common. And yes, some of them are, like the horse I ride, just plain ugly. But he's solid & utterly dependable, which is what matters. Pretty is as pretty does.


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## 6gun Kid (Feb 26, 2013)

What a ridiculous bunch of jerks, find a better bunch to ride with and you will have a better time. At 21, you far from too old to start over!


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Sounds like you landed in a nest of vipers. Holy cow. In a different venue (different species entirely) I had a similar experience, and it eventually drove me completely away from the hobby, to which I'd devoted intense ten years. I do not regret it, either -- there was no way to get away from them, and they caused me intense emotional pain. So far the horse thing has been mostly human-drama free, probably because I am so very wary of it happening to me again.

It is impossible, if you are a sensitive person, to be unaffected by aggressively nasty behavior of others toward you. Do not make the mistake of blaming yourself for not being thicker skinned, or believing you could change "if you put in the effort" or magically transformed your personality. It is just how you are built. You are not at fault, they are. Sure, it isn't really about you, it's about their personal lacks which prevent them from making the choice to be kind, but that doesn't help you much. 

Ugly-hearted people have damaged you. You need to find a way to heal yourself and protect yourself from further damage. Think of it that way. Healing takes time and it takes supportive people who care about you and believe in you. Protection takes *strategy* and also, supportive people around you. 

It doesn't sound anything like you've lost interest in horses, just lost the ability to take the punishment meted out by humans.

I returned to horses after a 40 year hiatus, fresh from bailing out of my similarly painful situation. This may not help, but I will tell you what I did to protect myself. First, I had my icky-vibes antennae out from the get-go, and didn't try to convince myself not to listen to their findings. 

The person who started my horse for me had a great reputation as a colt starter, and she did a good job with my filly. But she never seemed to hear anything I said, was a lousy communicator herself, and she had no advice except to do things exactly the way she did them, down to the teeniest latigo string, couldn't see that there were any other legitimate ways to go about things. I left her behind. 

Put my horse in a nearby boarding stable. There was nothing exactly terrible about the place but I felt like an outsider, no one in sync with me there. I know that's how everyone feels at a new barn but I'm old enough now that I know when it is probably temporary or definitely permanent. I was making plans to leave as soon as I got there. 

I need trail companions at the moment, so I found some, but this group, although nice people, doesn't ride the way I like to -- too much hurry, too much talk, no training on the trail, just jam the horses through and keep going -- so I am actively looking for others right now. 

What I'm saying is, what gives me strength is trusting my instincts and continually pushing to solve problems. It gives me the confidence to ignore what others say about me (actually I never ask nor listen, and since I belong to no group or discipline this is very easy). 

I do have people who support me, and this is absolutely essential. You need more of them in your life. You need supportive people to ride with and to talk to.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

What are the ages of these people who made fun of you? It sounds like a lot of mean-spirited bullying common to some younger people who haven't yet experienced the issues that injuries, fear, and anxiety can really cause. Odds are good that at some point, all of those people will experience it at least once in their lives. They just haven't gotten to that point yet. 

21 is nowhere near "too old" for anything. I'm 32, just started really learning how to pleasure drive horses in the past two months after a lot of stops and starts. I'm looking at entering my first horse show right before I turn 33! 
I have a lot of pain in my right knee and hip due to getting run over by a car at the age of 12. I would love to ride again, but it may be a while before I can do that. Driving allows me to still have an active life with horses, and I'm learning something new. 

There are people in their 90's riding endurance and dressage, and most of the people in my driving club are older, too. I took lessons from a lady in her 80's who is still actively competing Morgan horses at some of the most prestigious shows in America. The point is, you're never too old to find a way around your challenges. 

Don't let callous, cruel people dictate what you do or don't do with your life. Don't let them stop you from enjoying things you love or telling them what you can or can't do.


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## TXhorseman (May 29, 2014)

Insults can hurt even when they are said in a “joking” manner. When said with malicious intent, they can hurt even more.

Sometimes we focus more on negative things people say than on positive things they or others say. It is probably best not to focus too much on either. Rather than focusing on ourselves, it is better to focus on others – people or horses. How can we help them? Not, how can they help us? Enjoy the rewards of helping others, but don’t help them for the sake of getting such rewards.

Also, try not to focus on the past – what was or what might have been. Focus, rather, on the present. If you truly enjoy horses, consider what you might do to be around them. Competitive showing is a very small segment of the horse world. As others have mentioned, there are many ways to interact with horses aside from riding. You can give lessons as you mention you have. You can volunteer at rehabilitation or therapy facilities. You can do freedom work with horses.

Alois Podhajsky (the director of the famous Spanish Riding School in Vienna for more than 20 years) tells the following story in his book “My Horses, My Teachers” about an ugly horse he once rode. Podhajsky was serving in the cavalry at the time and participating in international jumping competitions. The Austrian cavalry could not afford the best horses, so he worked with what he could get. One horse he rode was considered so ugly one critic called it “that poor little sausage”. Less than two years later, after Podhajsky had learned how to improve his horses with dressage exercises, people wondered who that wonderful horse was that he was winning competitions with. It was the same horse. 

People are often surprised when they ask what breed a horse is that I am working with – or that I am talking about – and I answer that I don’t know. I really don’t care much about breeds or pedigrees. I care about individual horses. If a horse has a problem, I try to help them overcome that problem if I can or accept it if I can’t do anything about it. If someone says your horse is ugly, you might reply: “His outward appearance may not be pretty, but he has a beautiful personality which is much more important to me.”

A horseman should be judged less by his equipment, or even what he does with his horse, than by the relationship he has with his horse.


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## beau159 (Oct 4, 2010)

HunterEq95 said:


> Sorry for the book, I sometimes get carried away. Has anyone else dealt with this and does anyone have any ideas as to why I might feel so worried about what others think and why it is affecting my love for riding?


First of all, shame on those trail riders! Horrible things to say. But you know what? People who feel the need to "pick on" others are often trying to make up for their own lack of self-confidence. 

Best case scenario is to stay away from these people and find new people to trail ride with. If you happen to come across rude people and again and they (for example) tell you that your horse is ugly, give them your biggest smile and say "Thanks!" and continue on with your ride. Kill 'em with kindness and they'll go away and bother someone else.

Don't waste your breathe or your brain on them. They aren't worth it. No matter what you do or say, they are still going to think their negative thoughts. Make it easier on yourself and learn to NOT CARE what they think. :wink:

Riding is suppose to be FUN. So if you enjoy trail riding and giving lessons, then do that. You don't _have_ to show. You don't _have_ to jump. Do what you want.

Ride for YOU. Don't worry about THEM. Change your mental outlook!!


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## KigerQueen (Jun 16, 2013)

wow that was MEAN! i used to ride my arab in a western bridle (leather) and a black english saddle with western chaps and hat XD! now my english bridle and saddle are two diffrent colors and i dont care! 

Ditch the mean people! i cant STAND people who make fun of english. i have friends who do but thay know better than to say anything to me because i already told them what i though of their opinions. I ride however i want. even in just halters and bail twine (dont ask). Find nicer people. i have had a few incidents with my arab who killed my confidence and im at square two (was at one). im now working with a green bigger paint and a trainer. 


go trail riding and enjoy your horse! go exploring ! get a pack saddle and just take your horses hiking or camping.










in this is my group of trail riders. im in the orange on the black arab. i was in an english saddle at the time lol


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

I ride in a dressage saddle and western headstall and breastplate. English reins with trail snaps, wide plastic endurance stirrups. I wear a cowboy hat and breeches (hard hat when riding though). The people who first broke the "you have to ride either looking like a wrangler or 19th century english gentry, no other options" rules were the endurance folks. They are only interested in what works for them and their horses (okay, and matchy biothane). I suggest you might look into poking a toe into that world. You don't have to have an Arab to have fun.

I knew you would get a lot of "just forget those losers and move on" advice, because that's what works for a lot of people. But if you are carrying trauma from earlier experiences, and are sensitive naturally, that advice might not work for you. Just want you to know that those of us who can't shrug off what others say are also out here riding our horses, and we support your journey.


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## HunterEq95 (Jun 26, 2015)

Thank you all so much for your help and support! I really appreciate it.

I really like the idea of the trail riding club. I will have to research into that and find out if there's one near me!

I think you guys are right about not letting those people make me choose to deny myself something I enjoy just because they keep acting the way they do. The good news is that I will possibly be moving my horses and myself away for my new career, so I will be able to find something else in my new area.

I think sometimes I may take things a little more to heart than I should too, and I don't really understand why people act like that. I always keep the negative thoughts to myself, even when I don't really care for what someone is doing, and only try to bring others up, not tear them down. I just don't understand what people's motives are for tearing others down.


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

I ride only English, and now primarily trail ride for pleasure. When I was your age I encountered a few people who laughed at me and my 'prissy' tack and show horse, but I kept at it and nobody says boo to me anymore. 


The folks I ride with now tell me all the time, 'I don't think I could ride the way you do. Those tiny little saddles with nothing to hold onto make me nervous!' I tell them, 'I tried riding Western and that made ME nervous, because I can't feel the horse under me with all those pads'. Then we agree that everyone's different, and as long as the horses and riders are happy, that's all that matters.


If it's not fun, I don't want to do it. I put in my time riding the crazies and anything with hair and hooves, and I don't want to do that anymore. I want to have a nice ride on a good horse, with friendly people.


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## KLJcowgirl (Oct 13, 2015)

HunterEq95 said:


> I think sometimes *I may take things a little more to heart than I should *too, and I don't really understand why people act like that. I always keep the negative thoughts to myself, even when I don't really care for what someone is doing, and only try to bring others up, not tear them down. I just don't understand what people's motives are for tearing others down.


The bolded is the absolute description of how I am!! I totally get you there. I'm one too though who sometimes fabricates and imagines things that people MIGHT be saying about me, and then stress about that. That was a huge problem for me in my teen years (though I'm sure that's probably a thing for most teens anyways). If I'm feeling insecure about a ride, I am just absolutely POSITIVE that people are talking about it and laughing about me. 

I've gotten much better in my "old age" (ok not really, I'm 23), and my husband has helped me realize that people really don't notice much. Sometime's I've come out of the show ring just mumbling and grumbling about how terrible that was, and he usually says, "Oh... hadn't noticed", though he really wouldn't notice, he's not a horse guy haha. 

Another thing that really helped me to thicken up my skin was getting my hormones somewhat under control. I am much more level headed now and less irrational (hubby will atesst to this), though I still do cry alot, that's not going away haha :wink: That may not help you at all, but it's a thought... At least with taking things so personally.

I seriously can not believe the ridicule you have endured. I used to think English was prissy (DO NOT anymore, I love my English saddle and am still trying to learn to ride in it) but I would have never said that to anyone who rode it! Most of those people's comments show that they really don't know much about riding and horses, and are just plain ignorant. I also truly believe a lot of people tear others down to feel better about themselves. Ditch them as soon as possible! But it looks like you will be so thumbs up!!! 

I completely agree with everyone so far who has commented, ignore these people. They're morons. And there are certainly an endless number of things to do with horses besides showing and riding.

Keep your chin up. I would hate for you to quit. It makes me so sad when people quit things they love because of butt heads. Wish I could give you a big hug and ask you to go for a ride with me.

Now I'm just going to fade away and stop detracting from everyone else's wonderful posts... :wink:

Also PS: No way you are to old to re start!!!


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## elle1959 (Sep 7, 2015)

Find better people to ride with. You don't need anyone who behaves like that! 

I'm with BSMS in the age camp, except I started riding at age 56. If I can start at my age, you can sure start over at yours. You just need to leave your past behind and tell yourself that you are on a new journey, starting fresh, with the mind of a beginner. You don't need anyone in your life who will be negative toward your desire to approach things with a fresh mind. Make new friends, I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there who are starting at older ages who would love to ride with you. You just need to find them. I'm really sorry you had this experience. Riding should be a joy, first and foremost. People who make it painful don't deserve to be with the best people-- and YOU are the best people


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## Smilie (Oct 4, 2010)

You are at an age where opinions like that, can be more damaging and perhaps not as aware that people like that, regardless what saddle they ride in, or what horse they use, are not wroth associating with
There is a huge difference in pointing out to someone, that something they are doing, is perhaps dangerous, As an example, a person on a group ride I was on, tied his horse to a dead tree at noon. The horse broke that dead tree, then caused major wreak, running among the other horses dragging it, but making demeaning comments ,with no intention of being positive in any way, is an entirely different thing
I will tell someone, crossing a river, if they have a tie down on, to take it off, as I have known of horses drowning that way
My one friend rides with a treeless saddle and bittless. Since none of her horses are that experienced riding out, she asked if she could use hubby's horse, and her treeless saddle. I had no problem with that at all, as she has a great empathy towards horses. My niece, who rides English in Ontario, asked if she could use my English saddle, when I took her on a DAY trail ride.
Also, when I do ride or camp with a group of people, there are always those of us that want to go on a day ride, that includes some more challenging trails, and those that just want to camp and go out for an hour or so. Again, no problem, as we all socialize together at night. Thus, if you ride with other people, make sure those you ride with, ride at your level
tHere is also the 'fun type kidding', which one can't take too seriously. I ride Appaloosas, and have heard about every Appy joke there is
At one clinic, the instructor told this Appy joke,
Why did the Indians ride Appaloosas to war/
Answer, 'because then they would be good and mad'
Now, if I had taken offense to all of those jokes, I would have missed some good rimes, as I knew that instructor was impressed as to how my horse worked, putting him into the advanced group
Far as getting over an injury and riding confidence-that is a personal journey, which only you can set the course for.
Over the years, I have suffered several horse related injuries-three concussions, 6 broken ribs, and a broken collar bone. I would be lying if none of those things affected my confidence, then combine that with my age and double knee replacements, I will be the first to admit I am not the confident rider I used to be
However, not riding is not the answer, thus i minimize risk, having more body control on my horses, no longer starting colts, riding studs or doing high speed events


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## blackminx18 (Aug 12, 2014)

What horrible people and I agree with what everyone has said here about them. I ride in a variety of disciplines but over time have gravitated more and more to my English tack. I have gone on many a trail rides in my all purpose English saddle. I have a breast collar and I ride one mare with a martingale because that's what she needs and what the trainer I work with recommends. 
I do ride with a riding club and they are great! Almost everyone in this area rides western but no one has ever made a comment when I pull out my English saddle. I have found enormous support with them. I will say I sometimes get funny looks when I've sorted cows in my English tack but no one has ever said the horrible things that have been said to you. There always was some pressure to pull out the western gear but my western saddle just isn't that comfortable and I agree, makes my hips and knees hurt so I don't ride it in.
I too had a pretty bad accident several years ago and I can't say that I'm over it yet but I work daily at overcoming my fears. It took a lot of time and effort and sometimes it still sneaks up on me. That probably will never go away. 
I also agree that you don't have to ride to enjoy horses. I think the best quality time I have ever spent is just sitting in the pasture hanging out. If you love to teach, that's great. There's a huge lack of quality instructors to get people started or even help people work through their issues.


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## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

If they were being mean spirited then shame on them! I know it would be hard to ignore but always remember YOU are the better person.

But there's something else I want you to think about and consider if maybe you were taking their comments out of context. Smilie touched on it in her post and that is "back-handed compliments". I've rode with a lot of different people over the years and I've heard a lot of the same comments that are bothering you and even made some of those comments myself. Translations are as follows:

Nag = really nice horse

Trails on an English saddle? = Wow, you must have a really good seat (this one I've said not heard because I ride western but I really like watching someone ride trails using an English saddle just because you can see them moving together so much better)

You can't ride that horse = you and that horse look like you're one being

That horse should be dog food = that horse is very well trained and respectful

Anyway those are some of the ones I could come up with without a lot of thought. I've heard my horses called nags so many times I've lost count. It was usually followed up a little later with "So, how much will you pay me to take that nag off your hands?". I promise if anyone ever hears something like that out of my mouth it's because I'm admiring, not being mean.


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## boots (Jan 16, 2012)

I'm with everybody else. Sorry you ran into mean people.

Good horsemen are not mean. Ever. Find new/different people to be around.

BTW: I even ride jump or polo saddles to move/work cattle. I'm not the only one in WY/MT to do this. Nobody gives us a bad time.


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

Really, what a bunch of idiots! 

Just take that as a life lesson applicable in other situations as well: if someone is toxic, cut them out immediately. Just make sure to distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism.

As far as being too old, I'm 40, started riding at 37 and I'm not very talented. I even did a show with all the other begginers, ie little kids - who all rode circles around me. It was hilarious, but if I can do it, so can you at 21. And I'm sure you would be much, much better at it than me. I mean, I fell off a stationary horse - twice. And I once hung myself by my bra trying to get off a horse in front of a coffee shop full of accomplished equestrians and had to be helped off. Your riding couldn't possibly be that bad 

As far as trail riding in English tack goes - that is a weird reaction you got. Those people should come over to Europe and have their little bird brains blown. Not a western bit of tack in sight, even on long, 8 hour rides.

I really feel sorry for you, you seem to very down at the moment, but I hope one of these days that cloud lifts, even if you give up horses all together. There is no shame in giving up something that makes you this miserable, especially if it's meant to be fun. You can always come back later. Best of luck.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

Back when I was in high school I had two Arabians and boarded them in a city next to a mountain preserve. One of the gals that had a horse there would made remarks about my Arabians. You know, how crazy they are, not good for anything, stuff like that. Like you pretty much had to be dumb as a box of rocks to ride Arabians! She even had a bumper sticker on her truck that said something like "friends don't let friends ride Arabians." 

How I finally got over it was when I realized that my Arabians were awesome horses that took me everywhere.......down the city streets, around the mountain preserve and more often than not I rode alone. The gal the made the comments barely rode her horse, got bucked off out on the mountain preserve (which I know can happen to anyone but still...). Who was SHE to be saying my horses were crazy? They never dumped me and left me out there. :wink:

So I came to translate "Arabians are crazy" comments to mean "I wouldn't have the guts to ride such spirited horses all over the mountains alone like you do."

People are funny creatures. I don't know why they have to be mean. I've had both gaited and non-gaited horses and trail rode with all types of riders. The gaited people look down on the non-gaited breeds and the QH people look down on the gaited horses. I guess everyone just thinks their breed is the best. But the funny thing is, I love ALL horses. I can ride in both worlds and adapt just fine and enjoy the ride no matter what type of horse I am riding. I don't know why other people tend not to do the same. 

The absolute best horse I ever rode was a BLM Mustang. People would make comments about him too, but I just didn't care because I would rather get rid of the "friend" and just keep and enjoy my horse.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

PS. I admire anyone who trail rides in an English saddle. I ride western and I'm not ashamed to say it's because I feel more secure. If I rode English it would have to be on the most dead-broke horse ever. Otherwise, I need a western saddle to feel confident. :cowboy:


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

A picture of Mia, back when I still had an English saddle. I might buy another one, but if I do, it will be without the CAIR panels. Black saddle, tan stirrup leathers, Australian 4-bar stirrups, western bit, yacht rope reins, western saddle blanket & wearing a rope halter under her bridle:










Bandit was at the far end of the line when they handed out looks. That probably makes him a good match for me:










Big noggin, 800 lb horse but 15.0 hands, narrow as a rail, usually has bite marks on him, eats nasty weeds - but he likes people, follows me around when I'm cleaning the corral, meets me at the gate...#3 of 3 in the corral, but the other 2 expect him to make all the decisions at the first sign of danger. Opens gates, will chase a coyote, but will spook at a garbage can. IOW...a horse!

If you get along with your horse, it is easier to ignore those who pull you down.


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## ShirtHotTeez (Sep 23, 2014)

I am absolutely staggered at how cruel these people have been!! I am sure you are old enough to tell the difference between meanness and jest, and when you know it is jest you can laugh it off even if it stings, but meanness cuts you to the core.

Remind yourself regularly that how ever you want to ride is ok as long as it is safe (well, as safe as riding ever can be!) and you don't require the approval of anybody else.

I used to be an absolute mouse, but a small thing (maybe not so small) towards helping you to feel (looking for words here) less downtrodden/ put-down is to give it back. I don't mean copy their meanness, some of us just can't do that, but come up with some ready made replies, such as

(ugly horse) "well I saved him from abuse and don't trust anyone else to love him like I do"
"really? well I wouldn't swap for your horse!"
(English riders are prissy b*****) "...and that from your mean mouth?"
"does it really matter to you what sort of saddle I use?"
"is it any of your business?"
(insults) "do you really think I deserved that, or are you so self centered you don't realize how mean(cruel) you are?"
"what a bunch of small minded people you are"
"nice of you to take the joy out of my day"
"if you think me and my horse are so awful it would be much nicer if you ignored me than this vicious attack"

Now, just say it in a normal voice - not bitchy - and it has more impact. Cry later. Think of relevant responses you can be comfortable with, but say something.

They may still be the same mean people after, but YOU will feel better for having made a stand for yourself. As I said, small but not small. A bonus is if any have a conscience they may even come back later and apologize to you. Do not say "that's ok" . . its not. You can thank them for the apology if you wish.

You know, life gives us challenges that we have to meet. If we keep running away from them they get forced on us. We all have buttons or triggers where we have to 'stand and fight' if it is a lesson we are meant to learn. This is obviously one of yours and the lesson is to stand up for yourself. You can learn it easy (one day at a time) or wait till you are backed into a corner and the only way out is through. I hope this makes sense, because I don't intend to tell of my experiences that taught me this, I just can't. Not horse-related but the principle was the same.


Another thing that crossed my suspicious mind. I assume that the owner/manager of the camp was not involved with that abuse. (assumptions here) there may be a small core of regulars that make things miserable for newbies and they are getting away with it. Whether you ring up or write a letter I think you should make them aware of it. If the owner is an absentee owner (council or something) I would make them aware of it too. That gang mentality gets out of hand real fast and it sounds like it is well established there. (... and OMG my reply turned into a book too!! sorry)


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## ChitChatChet (Sep 9, 2013)

21... Old. LOL Um Yeah. NO!!


When I started off riding 24 years ago, I rode donkeys. I developed thick skin quickly as donkeys where NOT fashionable to ride. Oh. My. I heard it from every where if not heard... felt it.

Well, Donkeys where the only thing I could afford. Horses at the time where 100% out of my price range so donkeys I rode, packed and drove. Belonged to Back Country Horsemen and put the miles on.

It was good for me as I learned to do what I enjoy and not care what people think. I learned to be comfortable doing what I enjoy and to not depend on others for my happiness. It also taught me to stick to my guns and be a bit stubborn for the stuff I believe in. Valuable lessons.

So become comfortable with what you do and how you do it. Once you become comfortable with yourself, you put off an "air" so to speak and people realize you are confident. People leave you alone and respect you for you YOU are. Confidence is a good thing to have. Don't be apologetic for you are and what you want.


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## Mulefeather (Feb 22, 2014)

I think another way to deal with it is to act totally dumbfounded and straight up say "What do you mean?" Or "Why would you say that?". Then you are putting the onus back on them to explain themselves.


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## ChitChatChet (Sep 9, 2013)

Mulefeather said:


> I think another way to deal with it is to act totally dumbfounded and straight up say "What do you mean?" Or "Why would you say that?". Then you are putting the onus back on them to explain themselves.


Good plan.

The person asking the questions is the one in charge.


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## Textan49 (Feb 13, 2015)

HunterEq95 said:


> I think sometimes I may take things a little more to heart than I should too, and I don't really understand why people act like that. I always keep the negative thoughts to myself, even when I don't really care for what someone is doing, and only try to bring others up, not tear them down. I just don't understand what people's motives are for tearing others down.



Lack of confidence in themselves is what motivates a lot of this behavior. Somehow they think they will appear better if they make someone appear inferior. I am very sorry to hear that you have been a victim of this kind of abuse, but it happened and may take a little time to recover from. You don't have to be a great rider to enjoy riding and your horses and at twenty one you have plenty of time to reach your goals.


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## kimberpony1 (Jan 11, 2017)

Honestly, it sounds like you dislike the people more than the sport. Find a horse you love(and one that loves you), find a disciploine you love, and ignore those people. I know easier said than I hate being judged as well....simply tell them what you wrote, they'll shut up real fast. Remember that may be some people, but not everyone is like that. It is hard to assume that everyone isn't that way because its seems like they are. Its hard when you lose your confidence, but you lose if you quit. Simply remember everything is progressive, and celebrate the small things. Make it fun for you and your horse. Also ignore those people being so very rude to you...they know it happened to them and they don't want to see you succeed. Also there is nothing wrong with using a breastplate...it makes your ride safer...hope you do well. And remember above all GET BACK ON!!!!Ignore them, if they get to you they win, they say those things because they want to feel better about themselves. They want a reaction, don't give them one.Think of it as a war...you react then win, you talk back, you win. Simple, yet easier said then done. When they do that to you again say the worst possible, most devilish thing you can, see if they come back for more. Don't go around being mean, but be mean when necessary/when they approach you.


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## kimberpony1 (Jan 11, 2017)

I know a 60 year old you rides and showed until 50, you are NEVER to old. If you are crippled and always in a wheelchair, ypou can do driving DONT GIVE UP!!!!!


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## kimberpony1 (Jan 11, 2017)

Or be extremely nice and friendly even when they are mean to you, they will be suprised. Just know...you are the better person here. They can't ride but you can and you can honestley say you tried and that you care for your horse.


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## elkdog (Nov 28, 2016)

At 21 I only cared about what people thought of me. At 31 I didn't care what people thought of me. At 41 I finally realized I was the only one thinking about me all along.


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## bkylem (Sep 21, 2013)

We have all had falls and I had a tough one a month ago when my horse abruptly gave a huge cough during a jump and snapped her head down. I fell (though I don't remember it) and had a concussion, fractured ribs, bruised ribs, bruised tissue at kidney, bruised hip and numerous superficial bruises. I just blacked out. After healing I started back, but didn't jump for almost two months. I confess that I was really anxious, but was more afraid of letting the fear keep me on the ground as I love to jump. It sort of calls your bluff. I'm still a bit nervous when I approach, but I feel that won't let it keep me front enjoying what I always have.

If I knew that I couldn't, it would definitely affect my decision to ride.

I would ignore the others and just ride. You probably didn't go there to make friends, but simply to ride, improve and enjoy. So do it. They are just a case of "safety in numbers" as I doubt any one person standing alone would say anything. Pack behavior.

You are so extremely young ! Don't place a deadline on your progress and ride for yourself, not others.

My very best to you,

Bkylem


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## stephr (Dec 8, 2014)

I am currently in a similar situation. I love my horses, I'd never dream of giving them up... I may look into getting into some other activities with them apart from riding. I took a pretty bad fall, and since my confidence has been quite shaken. I can barely bring myself to get back on my horse, but I'm slowly working up to it. I know deep down that I LOVE riding, but I feel also like people will judge me for the major steps backward I have taken in my skill.
I have since gotten back on my horse, but I can't bring myself to do any more than a walk. I used to love trail riding, but I haven't been on the trails in months. I'm working with a trainer and he is a great help in me regaining my confidence. I don't think I would have even been able to get back in the saddle without his help.
Maybe you should look into getting a few more lessons too until you regain your confidence? I have realized I shouldn't be embarrassed about having to go back to basics, even though I too am in my twenties. There are plenty of older people who are just starting out, and they never let it get to them.

You should also look for different people to ride with, these people sound plain nasty. They are probably bringing down the experience for you, if you found a group of nice people to ride with and have fun I'm sure it'd bring some of the joy back!


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