# Anger Management Issues



## xxJustJumpItxx (May 30, 2009)

I feel really bad having to ask for help with this because I shouldn't have to...

But I have REALLY bad anger management issues with my horse. I don't know why, she's not bad or anything. When she does something "wrong" it's because I asked wrong or because she doesn't understand. We (or I) have our good days where she's learning a lot or where we're just getting along. But then we have our BAD days where I get so angry at her that I yell at her, call her bad names, and...hit her.  Most of the time, it's somwhere in between there. Kicking, jerking, yelling, slapping her neck, stuff like that. I normally end up leaving the barn in tears, hating myself. If someone's with me, I keep control better, faking that we have a "relationship". But I keep her in my friend's backyard so I don't have anyone there all the time to watch me.

What kills me the most about all of this is the lack of trust between us now. It's gone, she doesn't trust me at all. It seriously breaks my heart. I want her to trust me, I want her to want to be with me, not away from me. But no matter how much I want that, I always lose my temper and break whatever trust and bond we had. I cry and tell her I'm sorry, but I don't change. We've both lost SO much confidence and it sucks.

I guess I just need a bit of help. Words of encouragement, training exercises to build our confidence in each other, just something to know I'm not alone. I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. I don't have any other horse people to talk to so I rely on the people of this forum (and my YouTube friends) to get me through horse issues. Maybe some of it could be stemming from school/friend/family stress (I'm a high school senior :-|)

Sorry about this insane novel, haha. Thanks for putting up with me!


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

I'm not going to tell you it's wrong to hit and kick your horse out of anger because I think you already know that. I will suggest that getting a trainer to help you out would be a good way to make some positive progress with her. 

When people lash out it's usually because they feel like they have no other option. So hire someone to give you options. 

If you truly aren't able to control your tempter around your horse then maybe it's time to question if you really need one right now.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Just Jump It,

It takes a ton of courage and caring to be able to admit what you just did. I applaud your bravery. 
I related very much to what you were saying, but in a different way and in even a worse way. 
When I was a young mother, I loved my son so much but he was a difficult baby and toddler. I often found myself with such RAGE in my heart that I would literally envision myself throwing my little helpless son off the deck of my house! I then would dissolve in self hate, shame and despair at the total monster I was. Many times I hit him (not like punched, but I slapped him) or worse, I litereally pushed him away from me when he NEEDED me. It was more horrible than I can say. I could not share this with anyone for my shame. 
Fortunately, I never gave in to my worse impulses and as I became less sleep deprived, it got better. 
One thing I remember helped me was to literally say to myself, soft and under my breathe, was "I feel like hitting you, . . . but I won't"
So I would admit the powerful urge was there, not deny it's existence, but I would not allow it to take ME away from myself.

Perhaps you can do something like this. Say what you feel, and then let it dissolve as words that just go up in smoke, unrealized.

You absolutely CAN change this. Never allow yourself the false luxury of thinking otherwise.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

A lot of people, probably most people, get angry because they can't control what is happening around them. Whether its other people's actions, unforeseen events or past events that no one will ever be able to change. Anger often stems from a certain helplessness. When you're arguing with someone are you angry because of what they're saying, or the fact you can't control or change what they are saying? Or angry that you can't control the truth of what they're saying?

Horses can be tricky because training them is all about control. They are big, heavy animals, and unless they choose to follow our commands there isn't a lot we can do to control them. So we trick them into obeying us using fear, natural instincts, bribery, pain etc. 

When your horse does something wrong it becomes obvious to yourself that you cannot control it and it makes people angry. Sometimes I get irritated with my horse when I know he knows how to do something yet chooses not to, or when I am trying and trying to teach him something and he doesn't understand. 

I'm going to take a huge unfounded leap now and presume that somewhere in your life anger has solved either your problems, or the people's problems around you. Whether its through fear, blackmail or whatever, at some point you learned that anger was the best way to solve a problem. It's pretty normal. I had a friend who was in the army and when something got a little tense with someone else he'd start yelling because in his training he had been taught to obey the person yelling - yelling solved his problems. 

It's not a conscious thing - think of it like a horse bolting when he's scared, he doesn't usually choose to run it's just that he has learned that running away from danger is the best course of action so he'll do it without thinking. 

Sit down and think about training, whatever your philosophy is. Horses don't understand anger, they might pick up on your tension and feel uncomfortable but they do not understand anger. It will teach the horse nothing. So while you are not angry think of solutions to all your current training problems. For example, if he gets pushy decide to back him up, not yank - so when the situation arises you already know what "tool" you need, you don't have to get angry, you just have to act. 

Many people have difficulties controlling their actions and emotions. With effort it becomes easier, you just have to be aware of what you are doing. Some people for whatever reason cannot control their actions or emotions. By all means try, but if you cannot resolve your issues regarding anger and control then perhaps having a horse is not good for you. 

I strongly reccommend that you try and find coping mechanisms for a large range of situations - if you have problems with your you will find yourself having problems in other situations as well.


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## SallyRC123 (Aug 22, 2008)

I sometimes feel my temper rising when I'm working with my horse. I can relate to your feelings of hating yourself and ending up in tears! What I have learned to do is as soon as I begin to get fustrated/angered when riding Candy when I'm trying to work on something/teach her something - I stop what I'm working on, stop asking her, stop nagging her and do something fun. You have to remember that we don't always have a 'work' our horses so to speak, but just relax and do something fun! Go for a canter around the arena on a loose rein, jump on bareback and go for a trail ride, hop off and bond with your horse by brushing them. Plait their mane, tail, do some carrot stretches - anything that you find fun. The best way I have bonded with Candy is through grooming her - its such a stress relief for me and her and she is usually half asleep by the end of it. Good luck and if you feel your self getting angry STOP and count to ten!


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I think you have made a huge step not just in admitting it, but what is bigger is that you are understanding what you do, and why. 

We all make a ton of mistakes, but there are few of us who look in the mirror and admit that. You are one of the ones who do, and this is huge. 

However, I think you need to take some time away from your horse, so that you can work on the issues that you are aware of. If she is boarded, I am sure she will be fine without you for a few months, if you keep her on your property can your parents or anyone else help, even if that means riding for free for them?

I don't think it is far to your mare to subject her to your moods until you can get some balance and that will hopefully come with some space. And some thinking? You don't have to answer here, but I would ask you to think about what you are so angry about? Who are the people you are angry with? What can you do about this? Can you talk to them? and on and on....

I have a very stressful life, I have 4 teenage boys as foster kids, I could chose to take out my stress on my horse, or I could chose to view him as my stress relief, my time alone for me and him. I do the later, but even then it is hard, I often ride when I have kids with me, they argue and fight as my attention is not on them. So I want to yell and shout, but I cannot as this would affect my horse. So I have Lucas walk over and I point my crop, and motion 'you two apart now'. This is done with a side to side motion of the whip. When I need to tell them to shut up, this is an up and down motion of the whip. 

I guess this is not relevant to you, but what I am trying to say is that the other things in your life that make your stressed and angry don't have to transfer to your horse. If I were so inclined, it sure would be easy to take things out on him, however I chose to view him as my sanity time, my time for me, doing something I enjoy. You need to take some time so you can view your horse in the same way.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

AlexS , I just had the cutest image of you "directing" with your crop, back and forth, up and down, in commanding silence!


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> AlexS , I just had the cutest image of you "directing" with your crop, back and forth, up and down, in commanding silence!



Thanks, it is a shame that it is kind of like dog obedience training. Side to side means apart, up and down means mouth shut now. I would like to treat them as humans and not dogs, but you gotta do what you have to do I suppose. 

My general point is that I have a ton of stress all the time even when I am riding, and it is about directing it in the direction that deserves it. Cos gawd forbid I have to get off my horse, someone is sitting at the table for a week. But my horse doesn't suffer, and it would be easy to lose it if I could not direct my anger.


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## Kayty (Sep 8, 2009)

OP, well down for coming out with it  Not many people would be brave enough to admit that they're having problems like this. 

As a young teenager, I suffered from anger issues also. Not only with my horses, but with my family. I felt such horrendous self hate, I had no self respect or confidence, and as a result would take it out on those who meant more to me. 
This is something that you really need to work on step by step. With my family, when I felt like getting angry, I would take a deep breath and go for a walk to cool off before coming home again. 
With my horses, when something went wrong I would go back to walk, close my eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then halt, pat my horse and say 'I love you, I don't want to hurt you, I know you're trying your best and my aids are confusing you, so we'll just settle down and move to something simpler before trying that again'. 

Maybe try taking a break and either not riding for a while, just mucking around on the ground with your horse, doing some ground work, or sitting out in the paddock and watching her graze.
Or maybe go for a few trail rides? Reins to the buckle, go out for a nice long ride with a friend and have a good laugh. You need to break the cycle of anger with her and have some good times to try and re-establish that bond. 

You could also try having some lessons which would help you to overcome any of the problems with your horse, that are causing you to become so angry at her.


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## mbender (Jul 22, 2009)

This is a great thread! I admit the same thing. I'm 39 now but I will tell you when I was getting stressed, I would take most of my anger out on my dogs! No different because they are helpless animals. I can't believe the loyalty they have. I don't do this anymore but it took me a very long time to figure out how to control myself.

I've never hit my horses but they knew when I was in a mood. Everything went wrong. So, I gave up on what I was doing and sat by myself and just thought. If I felt better I would continue what I was doing. If not, I just left.

When I was a teen, I used to punch holes in the walls, throw my brush at the wall, hit myself, and I mean hit! Its like a wave of evil came over me and to say "stop what your doing and walk away", is and was not happening. It was terrible. I felt terrible about myself, felt embarrassed because I would go to school just after having an episode. Feeling like everyone knew, except they didn't.

I agree with the other posters, maybe you need some time away from your horse. What discipline do you ride? Instead of going out to ride or work your horse, just spend time with her. Can I ask you a really personal and deep question?
Be honest: did/does hitting, seem at the time, a release? Not so much a good release but kind of? I am going to be very honest with you. It did for me to hurt my dogs. I know this sounds horrific and brutal but I am being truthful. Not something I am proud of now or then but felt a release. That's how I can describe it.

All I can tell you is you are not alone! As you can see by others. The only one that can break the cycle is you! As hard as it is going to be, and as easy it is to say! My father used to abuse me when I was younger and that's all I knew. Anger and hitting and beating! I broke that cycle when I had my son!!! Never laid a finger on him and never abused him verbally! I had a decision to make and I opted not to continue an abusive childhood for my son!!

It all comes down to what you REALLY want. If anything, see if you can talk to a counselor at school. Its going to be hard but like I said, you are the only one who can change this. Good luck and if you ever feel like talking, you can PM me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DubyaS6 (Aug 30, 2010)

I agree with what everyone else has said.

Another thing you could try doing is focusing on the things that you and your horse are good at.

For instance, I just bought an OTTB. She is VERY green and doesnt know much...especially how to accept and give to the bit. It is VERY frustrating going around with her nose in the air constantly. But, I have found that she is VERY good at leg yielding. So, I will work with her for a little while trying to get her relaxed and hopefully getting her to lower her head and give a little (even if its an inch), but the SECOND that I feel myself starting to get frustrated with that, I will start doing an exercise with her that I know she can do well...leg yielding.

I find that this immediately helps my frustration. I ask her to do something I know she will succeed at and it puts my faith back in her that she will learn and that we are able to accomplish something together. Once we work on this for a while and I am able to praise her, I give her a couple of laps around the arena to do nothing, relax the brain, and then I will start with the asking to lower her head and give to the bit a little. Rinse and repeat.

When you are in a better frame of mind, your horse will be as well.

If there is ever a day where I am just in a mood, I usually will just catch my horse and do a little bit of grooming with her. I do not plan to ride that day. Sometimes the grooming helps me and I find myself in a great mood when I am not even thinking about it. Grooming is also a great way for you to relax and bond with your horse and you dont have to worry about a bad day turning into a worse day. Just hang out and then turn them back out and go home and relax.

I hope that what some of us have said will greatly help you


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## xxJustJumpItxx (May 30, 2009)

Wow thank you so much guys. I can't explain how much it means to me for y'all to help! I'm going to try to reply to everyone, haha!

coffeeaddict: I really want a trainer, but right now I can't afford it. In about 5 months, I will have access to a trainer though. And when I go to college in about 8 months, I'll be getting two lessons a week so that will be good for us I think. I have seriously thought about selling my horse more than once, but everytime I get close, I think that I can stick it out just 5 more months. I really do love her. A lot.

tinylily: Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, it nearly made me cry. It's really empowering, knowing that you pushed through your anger issues. Fabulous suggestion, I will def. try that.

Saskia: You really said something that stuck with me. My anger probably comes from my lack of control. Control is something I NEED and right now in a really uncertain time in my life, I really have no control so I get angry and unconfident. And there have been times where inflicting pain has "helped solve my problems". Not necessarily on anyone else, but on myself. I'm not going to give details, but I'm sure you can draw conclusions. It just seemed to help. I will do what you suggested, sit down and think about how I want to train my horse and how I want my horse to feel about me. Thank you.

SallyRC123: Thank you for the suggestions  I love the grooming idea, especially since it's so cold now. Maybe stimulating her muscles will help her keep a bit warmer, haha!

AlexS: I think that a bit of time away from my horse is a GREAT idea, if only until Christmas or New Years. I'm the only one who can take care of her (my parents don't know how to do her supplements) but I can def. just go out to feed her, pat her a bit, and then head on home. I think she needs to spend a bit of time being a HORSE, she really hasn't had the chance in her whole 5 years of life. It'll give me time to think too, like you said. I need to do A LOT of that. And that's funny about you using a whip to direct your kids, very useful! haha

Kayty: Thank you so much, that's exactly what I feel like. I don't only take it out on my horse, I'm snappy with my family and friends too. I've started pushing them away. I'm not very nice to myself either, I have no self-confidence at all. Great suggestions, I will work on them!

mbender: I feel that same way about my horse as you do with your dogs! She's so good to me, if I were her, I'd hate the very ground I walked on. But she doesn't, she is so loyal to me. I ride english; I hope to show eq and hunters for the 4 years I'm in college, but right now I'm just pleasure riding. I went and just hung out with her the other day and handwalked her up and down hills to build up her topline. It was actually very relaxing. As for your question: yes. "Showing her who's boss" kinda helped my self-esteem and control issues at the time, but after I realized what I just did, it took a nosedive. Thank you for sharing your experience, it really did help me.

DubyaS6: I have an OTTB too. I've had her 9 months. She doesn't give to the bit at all either and that is one thing that REALLY frustrates me. That and the fact that bending her is like trying to bend a board. I guess I haven't spent enough time trying different things to find out what she's really good at. I just try to make her bend and give to the bit, which ends up just ruining the session. I'll try to work with her a bit more doing other stuff and see what she loves, not just what I want. Great suggestions though, thank you!

Again, thank you EVERYONE. As y'all have suggested, I'm planning on taking time off. She's going to get the winter to be a horse. I'm still going to be working with her, but on things like flexing on the ground, walking up and down hills, simple things that I know she can do. I'm also going to start doing simple massages with her, which I think she'd love. Y'all have helped me realize that I don't have to be angry all the time, that I can change this. I think I know where my anger stems from and I'm going to work on it. Thank you so much guys, really.


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## DubyaS6 (Aug 30, 2010)

OMG that is so good to hear 

I know you can change this and learn to be happy with her, I know that because you WANT to change


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## mbender (Jul 22, 2009)

Just remember. Not so easy to do but very easy to say! If you have done this for a long time, be prepared for it to take a long time to change. I can only hope the best for you and give you a hug!
Don't be discouraged if you resort back to your old way. Just keep trying and make that change for yourself! Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WSArabians (Apr 14, 2008)

Well, you've gotten some wonderful advice in this thread. I also applaud you for coming out and admitting your problems. I know how trainers around here that would really benefit from doing what you're doing.
I also know how you feel. Horses are frustrating, let's admit it! I had a mare in for training just a few weeks ago and what a brat she was. I was trying to bridle her and she lost her head, started lunging, rearing, striking out - We got so frustrated with each other we were just getting no where. I took her out, tied to her the fence where she did her thing (pulled back until she realised it was a losing battle) and I did mine (a smoke and grounding myself) and after a half hour, we'd both cooled our jets and the lesson continued beautifully after that. 
Anger often leads to impulsiveness and learning to step back before it gets there will really help. If you feel yourself starting to get like that, just take a step back. I like the method of ground yourself (look around and get 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you like (a pretty flower, etc)). Brings you back to the here and now and refocuses your energy. Sounds silly but it works! 
As it's obviously not your horse that is the problem, perhaps some counselling would help? I know most people are not open to that - I wasn't when I started either. But I went through a really rough time and let me tell you, it was a saving grace. I found out things about myself that were causing problems I never would have, otherwise. 
I don't think you need to necessarilystop working with your horse, but you need to learn when to take stop when it gets too much. If you don't work her, just spend time with her. Groom her, go for walks, even sit in the pasture and read a book while she's around. She'll being to see you not as an adversary, but as a companion, and it'll really help to build your bond with her again. 
Anyhow, I wish you the best of luck in figuring this all out. It probably won't be easy (ha, what is?!) but if you're willing to change it'll happen.


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## Jet7689 (Dec 4, 2010)

Try just hanging out with the horse. A couple of weeks ago I was getting frustrated with mine and I felt bad afterwards, so for the last two weeks, and since mine is two and half and isnt rideable, I just hangout with him. I go out there with now expectations with what we are going to accomplish each day so that I don't overwhelm him or my self, then I've started just doing one easy thing a day with him, that he already knows how to do and slowly build up from there. I know you know this but just remember what attracted you to horses in the first place and take a big breath.... and hug your horse.


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## Romantic Lyric (Dec 31, 2009)

I don't know if someone has already suggested this to you, but this is what works for me - laughter. I know, I know. I sound like one of those pillows that old people put on their couches. It seems too simple, and kind of ridiculous, but it works! 

I bought my horse, and I've put all of her training on myself. I've had people give me advice and guide me along the way, but being an OTTB, it hasn't always been easy. So when she runs out on a jump, or runs around with her nose in air or does one of the hundreds of silly things she does, I laugh, bring her back down to a walk or stop, and start over when I'm feeling more composed. Actually, it's gotten to the point that I find most everything (with a few exceptions) she does amusing, rather than maddening and laughter is my first instinct. Laughing is a great release of tension, and tension is probably part of the communication problem between you and your horse. So, try it. The worst thing that can happen is people look at you funny.


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## sonnygrl (Nov 28, 2010)

being a senior in high school is TUFF!! i was there last year. you have tons of stress. SATs ACTs scholorships college GRADUATING its alot for an 17 or 18 year old to go threw. i had some anger but i took it out on people. im the country red neck type i guess and only 5,3 and i got along with guys more than other grls so for that i got a bad rep ... yall know how that goes but no one in my area had horses so i had no "horse friends" only the "big truck" friends and "hunting" friends so i did get in fights with alot of girls in high school. my horse was actualy my happy place were i could relax and calm down. but one thing that i had as an outlet to let go of all my anger was working out. i went to the gym 2 times a day before school and after work. that helped like 90% i stayed on the punching bag it really is a good stress reliever and hey... i did get alot of muscle from working out so much. you can try that. plug in some rock music and take your anger out during a work out.


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## AllThePrettyHorses (Dec 15, 2010)

People tend to get angry when they have no other way to express themselves. Meaning: you're probably angry because you don't know what else to do. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

I often found myself getting frustrated, and angry, and upset, and in return the horse only fed off that and got more difficult-making me even _more _angry...you get the picture. I've hit and kicked my horse before when I got angry (I'm ashamed to say it), and the thing that knocked the sense into me was actually the horse. After I'd treated her so terribly, the fact that she met me with only kindness and forgiveness in the end was the worst punishment I could receive. An animal so trusting and forgiving as her deserved better than me, and it made me so ashamed that I walked away crying. 

Since then, I haven't had another blowup. When I find myself getting angry, I stop everything, and either get off the horse or sit there for a few minutes, breathing deeply, and calming down. It's helped a lot, and taking a minute to collect myself has saved me-many times-from doing something I'd otherwise regret.


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## Lakotababii (Nov 28, 2010)

All I can say is just keep your head up girl  I am only 19 myself, a sophomore in college, and I have had a rough past 4 years. I got my mare when she was 7 months old, and she was a little brat! lol. She used to intimidate me and I wondered what the heck I had gotten into. I had owned horses in the past, and have been riding my whole life, but some horses just get to you. Just remember, it will get better. The first step is admitting the problem and getting help. My mare and I now are great partners, have a really good respect for each other, and have both seen the good and bad sides of each other. 

One thing that I find helped me get over my anger, is just sitting with my mare. She would be chompin on grain or hay, and I'd just talk to her, for HOURS! Horses are great listeners, and they don't judge.  It really built a bond between me and my horse, just being together. Plus it helped me get out my anger in a positive way, just venting. Another thing I did was teach her something small, from pickin up her foot to just getting her to move when I kissed at her. The progress she made helped me see a purpose in my work. I didnt expect too much, just baby steps.

Horses are great animals because often times, they reflect how we feel or act in the way they respond. There is a lot of good advice on this thread, take it to heart and never give up on yourself.


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## xxJustJumpItxx (May 30, 2009)

Wow, all this support is great, thank y'all so much! I have gotten some really great advice and I appreciate it!

Update: I haven't really ridden in about a week now and honestly, I don't really mind. When I first got my horse, I worked her undersaddle every single day. Now, I can go days at a time without riding and it's okay. Yesterday I spent about 2 hours with her, just letting her graze and walking her up and down hills (building her topline ). And it was great. I really had a great time with her. I even took her halter off of her and walked around the yard and she just followed me. She's starting to build trust in me again and that's great. I also went and visited her at about 9 at night because I was having some boy troubles. I just hugged her and cried into her neck and it made me feel sooo much better. I talked to her for about an hour and she just stood there and listened.
She's starting to turn into more of a sanctuary for me. I think that I was having trouble with actually coming out with it and admitting that my anger was an issue. Now that I've told somebody, I can concentrate on getting better, for her. She deserves to be treated right because God knows she saves my life on a daily basis. I don't know what I'd do without her, she's becoming my best friend.

I think I'm going to "start" Parelli. I can't afford to get all into it (I don't really want to anyway) but just try some of the groundwork games he has to have something to do while I'm healing. I record his show Natural Horsemanship on RFD-TV and I liked watching it. I loved how Linda worked with her horse, that's how I want to be with Dasha.
I just thought I'd update you guys  I'm getting better!


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## ericka (Sep 9, 2010)

you could also try join-up with your horse to build more trust and a better relationship with your horse. do you know how to do this?

another good technique i have used is massaging tiny circles anywhere on your horse with your forefinger and middle finger. it helps with circulation and is also really effective in calming a horse down. i also find that it calms me down too. i think it is called t-touch but i'm not sure. 

you could also try when you get frustrated just asking your horse to walk on calmly. take deep breaths. singing also helps. i know you might feel silly but it makes your breathing even and your horse will get more used to your voice and not see it as punishment. singing is also really good for when you're scared.


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## WalkerLady (Jul 22, 2010)

One thing that may be worth exploring is there could be a chemical/biological thing going on here that may be helped with medication, perhaps an anti-depressant. 20 years ago I went through an extended period of various crises in my life, and began to struggle with controlling my temper and also with depression. Anger can sometimes be a manifestation of depression. Anyway, the only thing that finally helped was an anti-depressant medication, along with a few months of talk therapy with a counsellor. It's something to think about. 

I hope you can get things under control. I feel for you, I've definitely been there. I never took it out on a living being, but I would do things like knock over furniture, destroy books, etc. Once in a fit of rage I busted up a heavy, solid wood chair on concrete. But eventually things really did change and get better. 

Please keep us updated.


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## AllThePrettyHorses (Dec 15, 2010)

It's great to hear that. Isn't it amazing how forgiving horses are?


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

I haven't read all of the post but I would actually talk to a Doctor about this. You could have a chemical imbalance that some simple medication could make you feel better and in control. Please give this some serious consideration


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## xxJustJumpItxx (May 30, 2009)

This is a really old post, I know, but I thought I'd just tell y'all what's going on now, if any of y'all still read this!
It's been over a year now since I posted this. I am still struggling with personal issues, but I don't resort to anger anymore, especially not with my horse. We have a really great relationship now and her training has really excelled. She's such a fabulous horse.
Around the time of this post, I had been clinically depressed for probably over a year. I'm now on medication that is helping a lot. I still have my down days, but I have more good days than bad days. I also developed a pattern of disordered eating and self-harm, both of which I'm currently in recovery from. I have a long, hard road ahead of me, but I'm ready to fight it.
I haven't laid a hand to my horse in ages. Even after the near-abuse I put her through, she's still my best friend and she still loves me. She got me through my senior year and I can't thank her enough for that.
I know I'm not wearing a helmet in some of these pictures, which I very rarely do, but here are some recent pictures of us:








This jump is 3ft. And this was actually taken last February haha.

























And a video 





But yeah, I just wanted to update and say thank you for all the wonderful support!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

That is a super cute video! Glad to hear good news. So many times it isn't good, so it's nice to hear how well things are going. You look so natural with your mare and she is so sweet.


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## HorseGuru (Feb 28, 2012)

wow how amazing i like the video


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## churumbeque (Dec 20, 2009)

glad you're doing better thanks for the update and take care of your beautiful horse


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

Glad things are getting better for you & you are having fun w/your horse-she looks like a real sweetie & you look great on her!


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## xxJustJumpItxx (May 30, 2009)

Thank you everyone! She is a very sweet horse, I love her to bits!


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