# Keeping a horse that is holding you back



## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I do not but I know of a few people who do. Majority of the time is because the person thinks the horse will improve and or be sound again, wishful thinking. However it sounds like you are aware of your horse's shortcomings in your desired equestrian pursuits and can't sell him but can't manage owning a second horse. Enjoy your horse for what he can do and one day things will change & you'll have a horse better suited to your goals. It's a better way of thinking and makes life more pleasant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Well then you either need to find him a forever home (sell), or give him a forever home with no job (keep) and find a different horse.


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## LostDragonflyWings (Feb 1, 2012)

It's not the fact of being lame or realistically non-sellable, but the fact of the rider being ready to move up and having too strong a connection with the current horse (over 7 years ) to sell.

Was just curious, as I can not imagine I am the only one.
Also, that is a good view point Waresbear. Hard to accept though!


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

You love that horse and want to keep him with you but right now it is not financially possible to get a second horse? Hey there's a lot of light at the end of your tunnel! One day sooner than you think, you will be able to get a higher level horse for you to progress on and your beloved horse will have a buddy. You have a lot to look forward to! Remember, frustration gets us no where, anticipation of good things to come is a blast!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostDragonflyWings (Feb 1, 2012)

waresbear said:


> You love that horse and want to keep him with you but right now it is not financially possible to get a second horse? Hey there's a lot of light at the end of your tunnel! One day sooner than you think, you will be able to get a higher level horse for you to progress on and your beloved horse will have a buddy. You have a lot to look forward to! Remember, frustration gets us no where, anticipation of good things to come is a blast!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. Working hard towards something and anticipating a good thing in the future is great and healthy (that is typically what I tend to do in life), but that only works to an extent, especially about something your are so passionate about. You can only take so much of it! 

My horse already has a buddy, so he's golden horse-friendship wise, but you are correct in regards to financially not being able to afford board for another.

Thanks for the pep talk.


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## oh vair oh (Mar 27, 2012)

LostDragonflyWings said:


> It's not the fact of being lame or realistically non-sellable, but the fact of the rider being ready to move up and having too strong a connection with the current horse (over 7 years ) to sell.
> 
> Was just curious, as I can not imagine I am the only one.
> Also, that is a good view point Waresbear. Hard to accept though!


I had my black and white gelding for 8 years, bought him when he was 4 and I was only 13. I learned so much on that horse, did so much, and knew everything about him. I could tell you what every quirk he had meant, what he would do before he would do it, and knew every little nuance of his personality. 

But he wasn't the world-class horse I was striving to compete on. His back was a bit too long, so his lope was not good enough to win us higher than congress. Even though I became a better trainer in the end, because working with a horse to overcome his physical shortcomings was impressive, I wanted to improve my skill on a horse that was bred and built better and who could get me to the worlds.

I knew that there was someone out there who could benefit from my well-trained boy, someone who could learn a lot just like I had. Though I didn't really get to make the decision as my mom sold him behind my back. And even though I am deeply sad sometimes for losing my best friend, I know that someone else is enjoying him. And then when Lily came into my life I knew I was on the right path.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

In a way, I am anticipating getting the horse of dreams when my horse is retired, he is only 12 so it's gonna be awhile! While he's not holding me back from showing or progressing, I really want an Arab show horse to compete in breed shows (my horse is a Paint). Financially I could just go & purchase the dreamhorse however I don't have the time for 3 horses (I own my horse's sire as well) but since I would be heartbroken without my Indy, I enjoy what I can do with him which keeps me busy. But one day I will have my flashy Arab, I love looking forward to that!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostDragonflyWings (Feb 1, 2012)

oh vair oh said:


> I had my black and white gelding for 8 years, bought him when he was 4 and I was only 13. I learned so much on that horse, did so much, and knew everything about him. I could tell you what every quirk he had meant, what he would do before he would do it, and knew every little nuance of his personality.
> 
> But he wasn't the world-class horse I was striving to compete on. His back was a bit too long, so his lope was not good enough to win us higher than congress. Even though I became a better trainer in the end, because working with a horse to overcome his physical shortcomings was impressive, I wanted to improve my skill on a horse that was bred and built better and who could get me to the worlds.
> 
> I knew that there was someone out there who could benefit from my well-trained boy, someone who could learn a lot just like I had. Though I didn't really get to make the decision as my mom sold him behind my back. And even though I am deeply sad sometimes for losing my best friend, I know that someone else is enjoying him. And then when Lily came into my life I knew I was on the right path.


Exactly. We have learned and grown so much together. Betterment was a two-way-street and we have both always had each other's back (well, maybe not in some cases on his end of the deal!).

Not only is our connection and our history a factor, but the reality that if he were to leave, nothing is protecting him from getting hurt. There are thousands of horses out there who need homes; some who don't have the best confirmation, or the best higher-level abilities, etc., and then those who do. When you sell a horse, you may know who you are selling the horse to, but then that horse could be sold again and end up in completely the wrong hands, whether it be somebody who screws them up (training wise or psychologically), or somebody who fails them completely and they end up on a truck headed for slaughter.

You don't have to travel far to find a horse "owner" who completely neglects their horses (especially psychologically). Sometimes they even board where you board!

I know this sounds a little "out there" and a little "over-concerning", but it's sadly the reality. Personally, I am sorry, but I can't risk putting my *partner* of 8 years up to that type of vulnerability. He may not be perfect or be able to get me where I am dying to go, but he doesn't deserve the slightest chance of a crappy life either. He has played a huge part in where I am now in my riding, and needs some respect and payback for that.

Leasing out would be more of a viable option, though.


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## Madisonluvshorses (Apr 1, 2012)

An easy fix is to lease your horse to a barn that does lessons. You can ride the horse whenever you want but they take care of it and let other riders get better from your horse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kayty (Sep 8, 2009)

It depends on what's more important to you. Progressing in your riding, or just enjoying your riding without a heap of improvement. I used to feel like that, not being able to sell a horse that I really liked but was never going to get anywhere. I'm over it now, I want to better my riding, and don't feel that it's fair on me or the horse, to expect a horse to move up levels when it's not able to.


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## LostDragonflyWings (Feb 1, 2012)

Kayty said:


> It depends on what's more important to you. Progressing in your riding, or just enjoying your riding without a heap of improvement. I used to feel like that, not being able to sell a horse that I really liked but was never going to get anywhere. I'm over it now, I want to better my riding, and don't feel that it's fair on me or the horse, to expect a horse to move up levels when it's not able to.


I do not expect the horse to go further than he is capable of; he is just not going to go as far as another horse could take me. I am brainstorming and will hopefully work something out eventually...


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

I know a person.... Me. Cinny is not really helping my riding, currently. He has become my heart horse, and a member of the family. I do hope that one day he will improve, but he may not. He may just end up being a "play" horse, who knows.

My solution, when I move to Kansas City in a few months, I will be moving to a larger stable with better access to training, and LESSON HORSES.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

I guess it depends what you want from riding. 

You're either going to care more about your horse or more about competing/advancing. 

That sounds a little harsh but I don't mean you don't care heaps about your horse either way, it's just that you're going to have one priority or the other. If you've got that close a bond to your horse keep him, if you are more interested in improving sell him. 

I'd like to keep all my horses for ever, but so far I haven't ever been in the situation where I can. It's very sad saying goodbye.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

That's a question everyone has to answer for themselves. Do you want to continue to move up the levels of whatever sport it is you do and be competitive? One can continue to improve their riding and general horsemanship on just about anything so long as it's sound, but if you want to actually follow a progression from one level to the next, you need a horse who is physically capable of what is being demanded of it at each level. 

I see it as a bit of a false dichotomy between a horse you can "improve" on and one you can't. Most of us can stand to improve our position, the timing and finesse of our aids, the softness of our horses and so on. You don't need a fancy horse for that. I myself have made a huge difference in how my horse goes by sorting out some issues with my riding and hence have found a well of impulsion and power I can now play with which wasn't there before. Don't need a new horse. Just need to be less crap at riding the one I have. ;-)

However, if improvement to you also means jumping 5ft or doing FEI dressage, then you may need the fancy horse.

The other way of looking at it is that if you are indeed still working out issues in your riding ( and I don't know if anyone on this thread is or isn't, but if you are), then work on those with the horse you have. If and when you get a fancier horse, you'll then screw up its training slightly less. The flashiest warmblood in the world isn't going to compensate for a unbalanced, uncertain rider who is still learning how to maintain a soft feel.


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## dressagegirl77 (Apr 9, 2012)

we are currently working thru it but my horse has stiffness issues in his hind legs, dont know if it is hocks or stifles its very fustrating. the vet suggested injections but hes only 12 and i think that is pretty invasive, we have been doing stuff to help him use himself better like using sidereins. hes doing better but he prolly wont go to high in dressage, the smaller circles wont be good for his hind end, i love him but dont know how many years he will be good to show.


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## countercanter (May 18, 2011)

When I sort of "grew out" of my old horse and he took me as far as he possibly could, I leased him out and leased a horse for myself to continue learning/showing. I have had my old horse for almost 10 years, I got him on my 13th birthday and I owe a lot to that little horse. He will have a forever home with me, I will always find a way to keep him around. Currently I still have him and another project horse. I found a guy just up the road from me that was looking for a safe horse to keep on the farm for when his granddaughter comes to visit. He gets to live on this nice farm and gets taken care of, for free. I can go visit him whenever, and all I do is pay his ferrier/vet bills. It works out great because it allows me to pay my project horse's bills but still keep him around. There are many things you can look into that don't include getting rid of your current horse.


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

I know several people like that and try to tell them horses are livestock and can be bought and sold, sell the horse if you dont get along with it, and get one that you like. Horse are not in house pets that you keep forever they are livestock.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

cowboy bowhunter said:


> I know several people like that and try to tell them horses are livestock and can be bought and sold, sell the horse if you dont get along with it, and get one that you like. Horse are not in house pets that you keep forever they are livestock.


I know that a LOT of people here would disagree with you. Even my husband says my horse is part of the family and when I wanted to sell him, stopped me. The kids would be heartbroken. Our horse is as much a friend, companion and part of the family as our dogs are, or our cat or other pets.

Maybe you just have never had a bond with a horse????


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## Wallaby (Jul 13, 2008)

For me, I ended up with an old lady horse, who I love dearly, but she's still an old lady. 
When I bought her I wanted to show, I wanted to jump, all sorts of stuff, but at that point she wasn't well enough trained to do any of that. Now that she is well enough trained, her body can't handle it (27 years old, I got her at 23).

I love her dearly and though she's holding me back in the things I'd like to do, she's teaching me some much more about other things.
It turned out that she adores trail riding so we spend most of our riding time, trail riding. We go "exploring" through neighborhoods and through the woods we have access to. I used to be a nervous rider (still am sometimes) but she's taught me that she's generally pretty steady and that every little scary thing isn't a huge deal. She's teaching me about keeping a horse at home, which I wouldn't be doing if she were younger because her current situation is really set up for trail riding and not a lot else.

So yeah, she's holding me back from the things I want but she's also teaching me valuable horsemanship that I might not have gotten from a horse that was capable of the things I want to do. And you know, now that I've had her for 4 years, I find showing/jumping/etc becoming less and less important to me. I'd sure like to show one day, just for funnsies, and I miss riding in an English saddle but my Aussie saddle and a good trail ride is close enough for now.

She's more important to me than my desires and since I'm letting her, she's teaching me so much more than I ever even considered needing to know. I know what you're feeling. 
If you want to keep him, sometimes a change of perspective is all that's needed to take a "less than" situation and turn it into a "more than" situation.


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## Corporal (Jul 29, 2010)

oh vair oh said:


> I had my black and white gelding for 8 years, bought him when he was 4 and I was only 13. I learned so much on that horse,...But he wasn't the world-class horse I was striving to compete on.
> *I knew that there was someone out there who could benefit from my well-trained boy,* someone who could learn a lot just like I had...


I had to quote you bc you kept giving this horse good training even though you realized that you were aspiring higher.


oh vair oh said:


> I became a better trainer in the end...


The BEST thing you can do for your horse is to train him/her well. It is the ONLY insurance against an unhappy ending. THIS is how we should be selling our horses, IMO.


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

I feel for you, I have on hold a mare who is the daughter of Ace my Arab, Daughter of Ace is so like her mother in mannerisms it's scary, she is like Ace, only younger and taller, and I HAD to buy her.

For her to come home I either need to sell Ben or Mr G, Ben is my competition horse for the future, but very much a project just now. G Man has nearly reached his peak as a competition horse, but he is a good all round boy to have here....

It is hard, so may decisions to make


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

Cinnys Whinny said:


> I know that a LOT of people here would disagree with you. Even my husband says my horse is part of the family and when I wanted to sell him, stopped me. The kids would be heartbroken. Our horse is as much a friend, companion and part of the family as our dogs are, or our cat or other pets.
> 
> Maybe you just have never had a bond with a horse????


I have had a bond with several horses but i also look at them as livestock. If i can make money on them ill take it.


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## LynnF (Jun 1, 2011)

I have to agree that horses are livestock. I have ridden, trained and sold a lot of horses. Does the fact that I sell them and make money off of them mean I don't have a relationship with them? Heck no! To assume that somebody does not have a relationship with their horse just because they are willing to sell them and move on is ridiculous. I have sold a number of horses and have been sad to see them go every time. Just because I cry when they leave and miss them like crazy does not mean that they need to have a permanent place in my life.


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## LostDragonflyWings (Feb 1, 2012)

cowboy bowhunter said:


> I know several people like that and try to tell them horses are livestock and can be bought and sold, sell the horse if you dont get along with it, and get one that you like. Horse are not in house pets that you keep forever they are livestock.


In any case where you ride a horse (or even handle one on a consistent basis) you are both learning from eachother and teaching eachother different things. I do not "use" my horse as an object in my riding. He is my PARTNER and we are in everything together. Since owning him, my riding has improved greatly and also since then we have learned to trust eachother more and more.

Getting along with a horse and outgrowing a horse are two different things.

Thank you for the comments, everybody.


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## cowboy bowhunter (Mar 15, 2012)

LostDragonflyWings said:


> In any case where you ride a horse (or even handle one on a consistent basis) you are both learning from eachother and teaching eachother different things. I do not "use" my horse as an object in my riding. He is my PARTNER and we are in everything together. Since owning him, my riding has improved greatly and also since then we have learned to trust eachother more and more.
> 
> Getting along with a horse and outgrowing a horse are two different things.
> 
> Thank you for the comments, everybody.


You are 100% right. You learn every time you ride a horse and the better you and your horse work the better your ride will be. Im just saying that horse are livestock and i feel they could be bought and sold whenever.


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## gunslinger (Sep 17, 2011)

LynnF said:


> I have to agree that horses are livestock. I have ridden, trained and sold a lot of horses. Does the fact that I sell them and make money off of them mean I don't have a relationship with them? Heck no! To assume that somebody does not have a relationship with their horse just because they are willing to sell them and move on is ridiculous. I have sold a number of horses and have been sad to see them go every time. Just because I cry when they leave and miss them like crazy does not mean that they need to have a permanent place in my life.


My wife and I are struggling with this right now. Got a good offer on Sonny, twice what we gave for him.

My wife is getting older and feeling the bumps and now wants a gaited horse. The trouble is our kids are grown, and the horse she has now filled a large gap in her heart. He's a great trail horse, rock solid and trust worthy.

I don't know what she'll decide to do. I know she doesn't have many years left to ride, and maybe a smoother horse will extend that a bit, but still, it's hard on the heart.

I'd love to keep him, as the devil you know is often better than the devil you don't know. Horse trading sucks IMO. To much drama.


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