# I'm going to sound crazy but need advice



## azmom (Aug 26, 2017)

I jumped the gun and purchased a pony for my daughter when she was 4. The opportunity presented itself, I fell in love with the pony and here we are 3 years later.

My daughter has been taking lessons (English at a jumper barn) for 3 years. She loves her pony but she lacks the motivation and interest I see in other children. When I was her age I would have killed my nearest kin for the chance to have my own pony. She takes it for granted - which is my fault.

Bottom line is that I'm not sure my daughter LOVES to ride the way I do. And that is OK (sure I'll be sad but I'm not going to force her to ride.) She groans over taking lessons and I have told her that she doesn't have to, but having a pony requires learning to ride and if she isn't in to it that is OK but it does mean that we will sell the pony.

I've thought about moving my daughter to a different, more "pony" stable however I am hesitant because I own a horse too, that I ride. Both are at the same barn 35 minutes from our home. Boarding at two different barns would put an added strain on my already overwhelming schedule. 

Daughter turns 7 in a week. What should my expectations be of my daughter? How much longer should I give her to show real interest before we cut bait and sell the pony? You can give it to me straight but know that I am trying to do the right thing. 

thanks in advance


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

I just want to weigh on my experience having my horse and my daughter's horse at two different barns. It was terrible. Obviously we couldn't ride together, but when she wanted to see / ride her horse I'd have to go too, and then I had nothing to do. When I wanted to see / ride my horse, well, I went a lot when she was in school, but in summer it was bad. I was on the road ALL OF THE TIME. Our current barn is more of a hunter / jumper barn, and my daughter's mare wasn't really a fit here (she was a trail horse), but after a few months I just had to move her so we'd be at the same place. It is just so much better. And we've both started getting into dressage, and right now we're having lessons together which is fun. Then on weekends we have lessons one after the other: my lesson first, which is her time to just hang out with her horse, and then her lesson, which is my time to hang out with my horses. 

I cannot stress enough that I would NOT want to have horses in two separate barns again.

ETA: Another thought. Does she enjoy just hanging out with the pony? If he's a decent pony, maybe you could lease him or half lease him for a few months, so you're not paying all of his expenses but he's still there if your daughter changes her mind. I mean, if she's attached to him. She could take a few months off of riding, but still spend time with him if she wants, and see how she feels.

Maybe she just needs a break. Sharing a love of horses with your daughter is awesome, I know!, and you'd hate to have pushed her too hard to where she doesn't want to ride anymore.


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## ApuetsoT (Aug 22, 2014)

Not a parent. I'd guess the structure of jumping lessons is probably boring to her. Does she ever go out on trail rides? Is there another discipline she can try out at the barn? Could she try lessons at a different barn once a week and see if a different environment changes it? I'm guessing you take lessons too and don't want to leave your trainer?


With summer, there might be some pony camps she could go to, with or without her pony, that could spark some renewed fun.


Is the pony well behaved? Naughty ponies ruin the fun pretty fast. Anyone at the barn she lessons with her age? Someone she's friends with and can compete with?


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## pasomountain (Dec 19, 2018)

The barn owner where I board a horse has 3 children and I've watched them all grow up to have zero interest in her horses. When they were younger they rode in parades and such and the youngest would "help" us in the barn but that all changed pretty quick. Now the BO still keeps some horses for her friends/relatives to have pony rides once in awhile and that's about it. So yeah, you are right not to force the issue. Maybe the kids do take it for granted and see it more as a chore, unfortunately.


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## LoriF (Apr 3, 2015)

Maybe she needs to do something else with her pony that might seem more fun to her. 

My B/O's son does mounted shooting and loves it. He groans about doing horse chores sometimes but he's always ready to go when it comes time for coaching or competing. What boy wouldn't want to run around on a horse and shoot things like a cowboy or a marshal? He's going on thirteen now and has been doing the horse thing since he was four. Yes, he does take it for granted but I think that is pretty normal for a kid when they don't know anything different.


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## knightrider (Jun 27, 2014)

We need @Acadianartist to chime in here. She struggled with her daughter losing interest and even had a long thread about it 

https://www.horseforum.com/parenting/horsey-daughter-losing-interest-652041/

I participated quite a lot on that thread because my daughter also got her pony at age 3 and seemed to be losing interest. We didn't board our horses--they live right on our place. We trail ride and camp out with our horses. Both my kids liked the camping out but did not like riding so much. I usually did things like take them swimming, fishing, kayaking, or canoeing as well as riding to keep up their interest in going with me. My kids had NO interest in competing with horses.

When my daughter was 11, I had an opportunity to buy an amazing weanling that I was certain could be trained by a child (with my help) for my daughter, hoping that training her very own baby horse would catch her interest.

I got extra horses for her friends to ride, and searched out girls her age to be friends with her to ride the horses. All of that sort of worked and sort of didn't. My daughter did an awesome job training the filly, who turned out to be a wonderful riding horse. She is quite proud of her lovely mare and proud of the job she did training her. But she never really did love horses and isn't really into it. She rides her mare to spend time with her friends who love riding. If they don't go, she won't go.

If I had it to do over, I probably wouldn't have. On the other hand, I have had wonderful adventures that I have enjoyed with my daughter. I have given 6 children the opportunity to learn to ride and given my daughter 6 friends she might never have known. I own a lovely and beautifully trained walking horse that I never would have purchased. And a close relationship with my daughter. Her original pony developed suspensory ligament disorder after 12 years, and I was lucky enough to find a lovely family who wanted a pasture ornament. We visit him regularly and bring him carrots and pets.

I wouldn't mind not having the extra work and the extra horses, but my daughter loves her mare so much--just not to ride her. My daughter is 17 now. In a few more years, this issue will be decided by college, boyfriends, and possibly marriage and children.

For @Acadianartist, it worked out. For me, not so much. But maybe it was OK. Who knows what might have been if I had chosen a different road?


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I think 'making' any child of 5, 6, 7 do lessons of any kind, on a regular basis involved pushing them against resistance. You know, some parents take that to the extreme, like having their kids do gymnastics with an eye to them competing in the Olympics (since that is what it takes!). So, if it is really important to YOU, then you will have to accept that resistance.


In the long run, do what is best for the pony, since he has NO voice of his own in this. 

And, no one here thinks you are crazy.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Yep, I am familiar with this scenario. Though I will say that I waited until my daughter was 11 and had been taking riding lessons for 5 years before buying her a horse. However, I love horses in a different way than she does. And that's ok. 

First thing I would say is that I would never, ever, force a child to go to a riding lesson. One of the pieces of advice I was given on this forum was to wait for her to ask. I started going to the barn by myself. Nearly 4 years later, I bought two more horses, built a barn on my property, and still go to the barn by myself. Honestly, I love going alone. It's my getaway. I'm a very solitary person, and it's hard being a mom/wife all the time. I miss my space, so I'm not sad to go by myself.

Ultimately, you have to let her decide. I think that for many kids in this situation (with a horsey mom), interest comes and goes. Part of the reason is that kids need to develop an identity that is separate from their parent. They have to figure out whether they are really into something, or whether they got into it because of outside encouragement. The only way to find out is to take breaks from it. Allow that and be ok with it. Like REALLY ok with it, because you say you are, but it doesn't really sound like it. (sorry, you said you wanted us to give it to you straight) For the first 3 years or so, my daughter would only take lessons sporadically. She would do lessons for about three months, then stop for whatever reason. She'd find a new barn she wanted to try, and did lessons for the summer, but wouldn't want to go in the winter. My point is that this is totally normal for a kid. Eventually, she got to a point where she wanted to ride year-round, compete, and this year, she was one of 6 riders in our province to receive a 500$ bursary to go towards lessons, so now she's even paying for part of it herself! 

I would tell your daughter that maybe she could take a break from riding. Don't say it like it's a punishment or like you'll be mad. Give her another option like maybe she can have a playdate while you go to the barn. Give her a choice, and if she chooses the playdate or other activity more often than riding, stop asking her if she wants to ride. Let her ask to go. If she doesn't, don't bring it up. In a few months, consider leasing out her pony if she has still not shown any interest in it. She may still come back to it, but if she doesn't, consider sitting down with her and telling her that it's time to sell the pony.

Parenting is so hard, and sharing a passion with your child, while it seems like a great way to bond, can also be a huge source of tension. If she does come back to riding and horses, see if you can develop separate interests within that. For example, my daughter became a show jumper whereas I have never jumped - at least not intentionally! I love doing liberty and ground work, I have an interest in nutrition, training, and just everything about horse health, but she just wants to hop on and ride. I do most of the barn chores, but if I have to go away, she's in charge. And now, she has started to give me riding "lessons" because I haven't been able to keep up with mine since her lessons are so expensive. As a result, she has far exceeded my riding level and is now working on becoming a certified coach so this is great practice for her. And you know what? She gives great lessons! I call her "coach" and try to treat her with respect and forget that she's my daughter during our lessons. Not saying this would work for everyone, but I can tell you that if I had forced her to go to lessons, we would not be here today. 

I'm pretty sure my daughter will continue to ride into adulthood, but even now, I always let her know that if she gets tired of it, or wants to stop competing, or just enjoy her horse in the backyard, that's all fine with me. I have told her many times that I'd have horses no matter what, and that her horse will always have a place in my barn. She is 14 now, will get into boys soon, then university, then who knows. But I will always treasure the time we spend together with the horses whether or not she remains as passionate about them as I am. Maybe she'll do lots of other things with her life like I did, and come back to them in her 40s like me. That's ok too.


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## 4horses (Nov 26, 2012)

If she doesn't want to go to lessons, let her stay home while you go riding without her. Or find friends her own age that have horses and ride. If you have to switch stables try to find one where you can bring both horses.

You can't force someone to enjoy something. I know my cousin's daughter is always excited to see the horses. She keeps asking to go see the horses but we make her wait until the adults are ready. Riding and being around the horses is a special treat for her. I try to make sure it is fun for her so she always wants to come back.

I think kids who grow up with horses tend to take the horses for granted.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

Advice: sell the pony. Do it now. Ride your own horse, literally and metaphorically. She isn't you as a little girl, she is herself and she isn't interested in lessons or even ponies, really, it sounds like.

If she wants lessons some day, she can ask for them. If she wants to get involved with horses, she'll let you know. 

You know what's important? _Your relationship with her._ Now, and on into adulthood. And that is going to be vastly improved if you respect her desires and stop getting them confused with yours. Imagine if your mother never got the tuba lessons she dreamed of and forced you to live out her dream from age five onward until you were 18. Think you'd be grateful?


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

If she loves the pony why sell him? That sounds a bit mean to me - do lessons or we sell the pony. Lots of stress, not very fun. 

Isn't there something else she can do with the pony that doesn't involve lessons? Or at least could it be fun lessons? 

How about liberty training, or she can teach her pony to bow? 

How about doing some games, like barrels or pole bending. Flag races, trail challenge. 


I think having a young child take lessons takes the fun out of it. Bring the fun back, she is only 7 yrs old. Just a little kiddo. 


My kids hated the pony club lessons, but loved to ride around at the little local shows with their friends. They would ride the ponies around the show grounds for hours, only getting off to eat or potty. 


The costume classes were great fun for my daughter! She loved decorating her pony with hearts and braiding flowers into her mane and tail.


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

AnitaAnne said:


> If she loves the pony why sell him? That sounds a bit mean to me - do lessons or we sell the pony. Lots of stress, not very fun.
> 
> Isn't there something else she can do with the pony that doesn't involve lessons? Or at least could it be fun lessons?
> 
> ...


I like these ideas. I guess I have a big visceral reaction to forcing kids to do "elective" things (I'm not talking about household chores and homework and being responsible). I have never seen it have any kind of good effect. I also know that unless you yourself are intent on mastering a skill or a realm of knowledge, teaching is often in vain. 

I myself have eagerly acquired quantities of both skills and facts in my serially-obsessive life (most of it perfectly useless to me now, oh well), but have retained almost nothing of what I was supposed to learn according to other people. But that might just be me.


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## Blue (Sep 4, 2011)

May I ask if you have asked your daughter what she'd like to do? Maybe she wants to learn gymkhana, or something else? Perhaps exposure to several different events could spark something in her.


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

I'm gonna suggest something different. Get a sharer or someone to part loan your pony. Don't ever say or threaten to sell it. Your actions alone, by having a sharer or someone to do an on-site loan, will speak volumes _without _you being the bad guy. It's _just_ a share right, _just_ a loan. Nothing permanent to be worried about but enough in the right direction that she knows it's a real possibility because frankly,* it is*. Don't say anything. Just DO. It will get pony out and about, you can keep him with you and maybe find that your new sharer will come out with you. You get extra cash AND it will give you time to wait and see what your daughter will do. Literally take her out of the equation completely. Don't ask her to come with you. Don't tell her to complete duties (this is the point of having a sharer, to help with the load). Horses are now your hobby _not hers_. You might find that now she has the choice and no pressure from you she will slowly warm back up to it on her terms. 

If a year down the line she still shows no interest then you will have your answer. Her interest might return in a decade. I know SO MANY PARENTS with ponies and horses that they bought for their kid and still have 30 years later lol. The parents didn't even ride or know anything about horses but turn up twice a day to care for an animal for a child that lost interest. Some are happy. Some are NOT. It depends on you really. Take the pressure off, give it time. Your daughter doesn't know the value of what she has until it goes away. You don't need to sell to teach that lesson or threaten it. Find another means, as above. 

Lastly I would double triple check something hasn't put her off. Is her pony not showy enough? Is it naughty? One little buck can put people off for years... is your daughter super competitive and when realising shes not as good as some of her friends gets put off? I know a few kids like this that will give up when they realise they aren't some prodigy y'know, like most of us normal people lol.]

Good luck!


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

I was the child that desperately wanted a pony from as far back as I can remember. I did have the basic lessons but most of the time I was taken out on hacks, led by my grandmother, led off another horse then just accompanied by other riders. 
I think nothing but lessons might have bored me.

Fast forward to my own children - I can honestly say that they got ponies because I wanted them to have ponies. One of them would only ride if he had to help out on the yard, the other three all did well but even though they loved the ponies and the horses they had no real enthusiasm for riding them and left to themselves wouldn’t have chosen to ride or own a pony or horse. The eldest might be the exception as he’s owned horses since he’s become a independent person but wouldn’t sacrifice his lifestyle to own one.

I think try and offer the child some more stimulating riding experiences, maybe the pony could be ridden by someone else on a paying arrangement to keep it working and see how things work out?


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

I think that all of us moms and dads who when children wanted nothing more in the whole world than to have a horse of our own, have a hard time empathizing with kids who ... don't. I myself would have LOVED riding lessons. At any age. They were not on offer. My dad knew a guy whose daughter was tired of her ancient skinny broken-down gelding with one lead, so Rusty came to me when I was eleven, together with all his equally old and broken-down tack. I had only begged for a horse since I was two. I was quite left to my own devices to figure it all out -- no lessons, no adult supervision of any kind at all. I was ecstatic, even though I didn't even know how to get the tack put on him. 

My own daughter? She liked art, not animals. I paid for art classes, where she was very happy. I don't think she'll ever have a pet.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

IMO adults can sometimes forget that little kids in general are not very good at doing repetitive tasks. They have a rather short attention span and a variety of interests. 


I had therapeutic foster kids for years, and each one got a horse or pony to care for. The youngest was eight, and his attention span wasn't good, but he did help clean stalls 


(These kids came to me one at a time, so not a big group)


I gave them beginner riding lessons along with the basics; stall cleaning, grooming, tacking up to ride, etc. 


Then we went out trail riding, with other kids. They got to pick out snacks and drinks to bring. Couple of times we even camped out and cooked hotdogs and smores. Fun stuff to earn if they did well. 


One teen girl, who I later adopted, was such a natural with really good seat and hands, that I paid for a lesson in a clinic with a dressage instructor from Holland. Top level instruction! She hated it because he was telling her what to do...She and her pony Sassy (still have Sassy today) did really well, but the child was just not into regulated lessons. 


Her pony meant freedom and friendship, Fun and quiet times together. That's what kids want to do with animals, doesn't matter if it is a pony or dog or rabbit, kiddos just want to have fun and love on them. If a child as they get older wants to pursue a sport, then let them ask for the lessons to improve their riding. 


My son never rides anymore, because pony club made him jump and he wasn't good at it. Actually he came off more than once, but the knowledge portion he soaked up like a sponge. 

My daughter on the other hand, felt too much pressure from the pony club instructors, and would come home in tears. Then all week she would diligently work with her pony so she could do better. Was so cute to see her out there leading her pony over the jumps with lots of encouraging words, then finally try it mounted. She was a gentle soul, and although she loved the horses, she did not love the instruction. 


So we changed to 4H club, and then they had some fun with other kids, 4H shows and encouraging adults. Much better. 


Weekends we would go out as a family trail riding. 


IMO, horses can really help families bond, and help teens get through those difficult teenage years.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

Can you afford to board the pony where it is at without any other considerations or requirement for your daughter? If so then lease the pony to someone that will ride and keep pony fit and tuned up. Part lease at least and build in time for your daughter if she wants it. Key words being if she wants it. She will have to understand that there will be time limitations or restrictions as the pony will have another rider. Give your daughter a break. She has been riding in lessons since she was 4. Realistically from that age to now she hasn't really been much more than a passenger even on a pony but she should have the basics down. While I agree one should learn to ride - at this point she should understand safety around horses and have the basics of care as well as riding established. She sounds like she needs a break from the pressure of your expectations as well as an instructor's. If she wants to ride with you she should be able to decide that for herself. If she wants to just spend time on the ground with the pony then that shouldn't be determined by whether on not she is in lessons. If affordability is an issue which it doesn't sound like that is the case then give your daughter the gift of time. Time to decide for herself with no strings attached where horses fit in her life. 



My child would cry and reach for our horses before he could walk. He'd get put up behind the hames and allowed to ride as long as one of us was walking alongside while the horse worked. By two he wanted his own so we purchased a QH mare for him. No official lessons. Just put him up in the saddle and and lead the mare along until they came to an understanding about each other. Took about two years before he was off a lead line but still in an enclosed space. He knew the cues as he had been taught the basics and she decided that she'd accept them from him even though he certainly did not have the strength to do much more than give any cue lightly compared to an older child or adult. By the time he was 7 and they were beginning to develop some bad habits together I started him with an instructor. He tried competing but found it wasn't something he enjoyed. He still stuck with lessons for the social ties and continued development of skills he was interested in (cross country/jumping). He still has that mare and I find them together in the pasture just being together. The old saying the outside of horse is good for the inside of a person is one of the truest I have found. That bond has helped him through some pretty rough times. Granted I don't have a board bill for her as she is on our place but she has earned her place in our herd from now until. He has ridden under an instructor for over 7 years now. He does get a break or did as summers were spent with my parents. This year he has a lease horse for lessons so has kept them up. Point being he makes his own choices within reason. He'll be responsible for training the filly that was born this spring. Has already started. That was a big interest for him until he lost the foal we had specifically for him. She died suddenly and unexpectedly. It has been several years since her loss and this is the first time since he has shown an interest in training from foal on.


I have been rewarded with time both on the ground and in the saddle. Had I pushed or made demands then I doubt we'd share this. He has found his own reward as well as he works for his instructor and makes pretty good for one so young. It has given him the freedom to pursue other interests like the forging class he will start this month and the purchase of his kayak and mountain bike. His next is a firearm suitable to do mounted shooting with.


My nephews moved in and as AnitaAnn has done each was given their own horse (or horses) to care for. It has made a world of difference. They are older and are in lessons so that they can learn how to safely ride. They are rebelling because of their situation and this has given them more than counseling has achieved to date. The only time I saw smiles and interest was when they were with the horses. Mine or lesson horses. Now the smiles come more frequently and through other activities like scouting, band and football.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

Missed the edit window. At this point they are rebelling against me since they were not given options for their living situation and the instructor is a wonder with troubled kids. They do have chores with our horses and are at the point now where they can under supervision ride them if they choose.


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## AndyTheCornbread (Feb 3, 2019)

When you figure out what will make a kid love horses the way you do, please let me know. I inherited 3 step kids at one point that wanted nothing to do with horses. Contrast that with my kids who basically came out of the womb going "_can we ride your horse???_" and I did nothing different with my step kids than I did with my biological kids. Step kids also have to be forced to do anything outside and or that resembles work. They would much rather play computer games all day. My biological kids can't wait to get outside and have no problem putting in a hard days' work. Again no real difference in how they were raised. So if you ever figure out how to motivate a kid to love horses I would like to know as I had zero success with my step kids.


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

Sounds like one of the nephews.... I think and the instructor is convincing me it is both an inherited trait and in my own experience can also come about from a pre birth trauma involving horses. My mother would tell you I was marked for life because she was expected to ride with the kids in her care and a rock thrown by mowing equipment caused her horse to tank off through city park and across a six lane highway. By the time said horse made it back to the barn my mother was passed out and her hands so knotted in the mane they had to cut them out to get her off and in the ambulance. That ER trip she found out she was pregnant for me.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

AndyTheCornbread said:


> When you figure out what will make a kid love horses the way you do, please let me know. I inherited 3 step kids at one point that wanted nothing to do with horses. Contrast that with my kids who basically came out of the womb going "_can we ride your horse???_" and I did nothing different with my step kids than I did with my biological kids. Step kids also have to be forced to do anything outside and or that resembles work. They would much rather play computer games all day. My biological kids can't wait to get outside and have no problem putting in a hard days' work. Again no real difference in how they were raised. So if you ever figure out how to motivate a kid to love horses I would like to know as I had zero success with my step kids.


I'm pretty sure you're born with it! It's either there or it isn't. A lot of people try it out later in love, but don't have a real passion for it, and aren't prepared for the huge commitment. Others were born knowing they loved horses, and even though they might not have an opportunity to be around them for decades, it's still there. 

My parents knew zero about horses, and while they got me my first pony when I was only 5, they were pretty terrified of horses to be honest. So I definitely didn't inherit it from them. But it's all I could think of/draw/talk about from as far back as I remember. Most really dedicated horse people say the same.


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

I inherited my horse addiction from my daddy's side of the family. 

But kids seem to be able to grow into a love of horses if they are exposed to them, and have a desire. My foster kids found freedom and a sense of control over something in their lives by having a horse to care for. One can't imagine unless they have been through it just what awful conditions these kids lived in, but then they were taken from their family and put with strange people. 

It is really hard on them. 

Some didn't do as well as others, but all of them were told by their friends how lucky they were to have a horse, so even the ones without a real addiction, found pleasure and acceptance from other kids by having and talking of their horse. 


But how to make the kids care? We are speaking of teaching kids to be empathetic and loving to animals, and that is a hard thing to teach. 


I started them off with the daily chores, it wasn't optional. They lost privileges if they didn't do their chores, plus I rent the land, so really once they are out there nothing else to do! I wouldn't take them back home until the stall was clean. 


Just teaching them about horse care, one on one, gave those children my undivided attention, something they had never had. They craved attention, and soon found themselves stroking to their horse and telling them secrets...a nice big furry friend that one can ride...


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## Dixiesmom (May 26, 2013)

She just may not be interested in horses.


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## azmom (Aug 26, 2017)

Many thanks to all those who responded. This was really helpful. I took your advice to heart and asked my daughter if she would like to take a break from lessons. she said she would so I informed her coach who was very understanding.
My daughter and I then had the most enjoyable time With her pony while she showed me the tricks she learned at overnight camp the week prior. It was very fun for both of us and she even got to show off her new skills to both her and my coaches, who were very complementary.
Talk about bonding! 🙂


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

azmom said:


> Many thanks to all those who responded. This was really helpful. I took your advice to heart and asked my daughter if she would like to take a break from lessons. she said she would so I informed her coach who was very understanding.
> My daughter and I then had the most enjoyable time With her pony while she showed me the tricks she learned at overnight camp the week prior. It was very fun for both of us and she even got to show off her new skills to both her and my coaches, who were very complementary.
> Talk about bonding! 🙂


Yay! Good job mom! This is exactly the way to letting her develop her own relationship with horses so she can follow a path that she gets to dictate. How wonderful that you and your coaches praised her for this! It will encourage her to pursue her love of horses, but in her own way. Sounds a lot like the relationship I developed with my own daughter


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## QtrBel (May 31, 2012)

So glad to see this!


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## AnitaAnne (Oct 31, 2010)

azmom said:


> Many thanks to all those who responded. This was really helpful. I took your advice to heart and asked my daughter if she would like to take a break from lessons. she said she would so I informed her coach who was very understanding.
> My daughter and I then had the most enjoyable time With her pony while she showed me the tricks she learned at overnight camp the week prior. It was very fun for both of us and she even got to show off her new skills to both her and my coaches, who were very complementary.
> Talk about bonding! 🙂


YAY! I am so glad to hear you stopped threatening her with loosing her pony if she didn't take lessons...sounded like she was only taking the lessons so you wouldn't sell her pony. I think she really does love that pony to do something she disliked just to keep him. 

Instead you listened to what she wants to do with her pony and are encouraging her and helping her!! 

YAY To You Mom!!!


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

*EDIT:* Just saw your update. That is GREAT!  A break from lessons is a great start. I am glad it went in a positive direction.



I wouldn't force her either. It may be your passion, but not hers anymore.
May do more harm than good. I think if she really isn't into it, she shouldn't have to do it...which is totally OK, it's not for everyone, maybe she grew out of it or just isn't interested...see what she really does want to do, & go from there. 

Be positive about it though, when you talk to her about it. She may not enjoy horses as much as you, but that's not a big deal.  

On the other hand, don't give up just yet - maybe she just doesn't like what she's doing at the jumping barn. Maybe she would rather go on trails or something. Talk to her about it. Why doesn't she like her lessons? etc.

If you end up selling him, it's not the end of the world. Who knows, maybe in 10-15 years she will wind up with her own horse again, on her own. Ya never know. Anything can happen.


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## SilverMaple (Jun 24, 2017)

Great update! I agree that at her age, letting her enjoy the pony as she wants is important. 



A friend of mine rides dressage. Her daughter hates everything about dressage and wants to be a trick rider.... so, yeah. Trick riding is basically everything dressage isn't! They were a few days away from selling the daughter's horse when my friend looks out into the arena and sees her daughter standing in the saddle at a gallop with the biggest smile you can imagine on her face. The agreement they have come to is that if she wants to be a trick rider, she needs to commit to some lessons and clinics and learn to do it safely and not just rely on YouTube. Her daughter agreed, but she is 12 and age makes a difference. For a young child, any interest should be encouraged, whether that's formal lessons or sitting in the pasture reading a book to the pony.


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## txgirl (Jul 9, 2010)

4horses said:


> I think kids who grow up with horses tend to take the horses for granted.


I disagree, although I'm sure some do. I grew up with horses and never took them for granted and enjoyed every minute! Like a lot on here, I would back off the lessons and just let the child enjoy her pony if she chooses. If she doesn't want to ride then sell the pony. But it's NOT the mother's fault because she bought the pony.


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