# I'm at the end of my Rope... I can't get over the fear...



## BurningAmber520 (Jan 6, 2009)

In 2011 I took 2 nasty falls off of my mare that were caused by her tripping and falling, she is a big, young (7), uncoordinated draft cross, and even though we have done everything we can to stop the tripping (New saddle, new farrier, lots of conditioning work,) and she's stronger, fitter and more coordinated then she's ever been (hasn't tripped even a little bit under saddle in 4 or 5 months) I'm still scared to ride her in the outdoor arena (where both falls happened) 

When I ride her inside we're fine, we're cantering and jumping and working on small courses, but when I get outside we fall apart... I tense up, I know all of our issues outside are my fault, I'm just terrified, the complete opposite of how I am inside. 

And I don't want to ride indoors for the rest of my life... but I can't get over my fears of the outdoor, and now it's starting to carry over to our trail rides as well... Amber seems to expect me to tense up when we go outside so now she's tensing up first. I know its me cause she's a saint outside if one of my friends ride her. 

I just don't know what to do anymore... I'm sorry for venting but I'm just miserable, I don't know how to convince myself it'll all be ok, I want to ride outside, but when I get out there it just goes bad every single time... 

Here are some pictures of Amber and I before the first fall last year...

























And here are some pictures since... This is what happens outside, I tense up and we fight... 

















and this is inside (these pics are only about a month old)


























I am just at the end of my rope... I almost want to sell Amber even though I know it's not her fault... I dread going to the barn incase I have to ride outside... Ugh its a mess


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## CowboysDream (Nov 12, 2011)

Well it sounds like you really need to just take things slow outside. Perhaps just walk outside on her. Just set small goals or baby steps. 
For example: 
- Warm up outside, then go inside to ride
- Go for a nice outside walk to cool down after an inside ride
- Just trot for a bit, then stop and walk

Build your confidence up slowly. If even these tasks seem to scary for you, then get someone to lead you around outside until you gain some confidence by yourself. Or even just invite people to watch you ride. I used to feel braver when I knew people were watching because I felt I had to impress them.

PS. she looks a lot like a mare I used to ride. I loved Cuppy  She was a percheron x hackney I believe?


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## Crackers (Jun 19, 2012)

Is there a friend you can hack out with? I'd try a nice slow chatty plod with a sensible companion. Bach rescue remedy is great too, nice deep calming breaths and vizulize a calm enjoyable ride. You can do it, even if it means someone going out with you on foot and leading you, don't be afraid to take a step backwards. Best of luck, and brave of you to admit there is a problem.


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## Skyseternalangel (Jul 23, 2011)

Hey I had the same problem with Sky. He used to bolt outside when I first met him and so I would lunge him outside and then when I got on him I'd just focus on relaxing and keeping up with him (huge uncoordinated trot) and over time I relaxed.

Figure out WHY you are nervous.. maybe all of the sounds, the bright sun, the animals that pop out, and figure out how to cope with it.


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## heymckate (Nov 23, 2010)

I think you have some good advice already.

When I first started riding a horse I leased for several years, I was nervous to go outside with him because he was always a bit more spooky out there. I would go out if friends wanted to ride out there, but I would stick to walking and trotting, and I would avoid one end of the arena.

It took a while, but I slowly built up my confidence by being "safe." Eventually that horse and I were jumping courses and galloping outside. So I think just walking outside for a few minutes would be good. Don't do anything more than that. If you feel nervous, go inside and try again next time you ride. Keep walking outside for short periods each time you ride until you're able to relax when you're out there. And once you're totally comfortable, think about trying a trot. Go slow, and be short--maybe just trot one length of the arena the first time.

It's all about tiny steps and retraining your brain. Your brain associates outside with bad things, so those neurons are taking the "easy" path and continuing to associate the two. It's up to you to carve a new path in your brain and disassociate bad things with outside.

Good luck! Keep us updated!


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## BurningAmber520 (Jan 6, 2009)

Ugh so I went to the Doctor this morning.. cause my back is still bothering me... turns out the discs are still inflamed, and I'm not allowed to ride for the next 2 weeks to a month. Doc said if I keep riding my back will never have the chance to heal. This really really stinks! My trainer and my best friend Lisa are going to school Amber for me... but this just really sucks! Ugh! *cries!*


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## CowboysDream (Nov 12, 2011)

BurningAmber520 said:


> Ugh so I went to the Doctor this morning.. cause my back is still bothering me... turns out the discs are still inflamed, and I'm not allowed to ride for the next 2 weeks to a month. Doc said if I keep riding my back will never have the chance to heal. This really really stinks! My trainer and my best friend Lisa are going to school Amber for me... but this just really sucks! Ugh! *cries!*


As much as that sucks, it can be a good thing too? It will make you more excited to ride when you can. You won't care whether you are riding inside or out! And its not like you can't groom Amber or work with her on the ground, there are still tons of fun things you can do that don't involve riding. 

I really am sorry about your back and I hope it heals properly.


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## HFH (Jul 1, 2012)

*Don't give up*

I have the same problem. What I do is recognize my fear but control how I act around the horse. It is all what they see and feel. They don't sense the fear they notice that you are acting funny. If you can present yourself in a confident normal way, you will feel better and the horse will feel the same


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## englishaqh (Jul 6, 2012)

Don't be sorry at all! I think every rider has their issues (haha well I KNOW that I do). First of all, from what you have said, you seem to have come a really long way with your horse. Selling your horse will not help you fix the problem. You know how much you love your horse and you know that even with another horse, you might still have that fear of the outdoor ring. Do you work with a trainer? You may not _neeeeeeed _to necessarily, but even pro riders could benefit from working with a trainer to give them on the ground advice and keep them in tact. I'm be almost nowhere without my training. By the way, I'm not an expert and I'm not that experienced, but you appear to be a great rider. You have really nice form. Maybe it would help though to have a trainer work with you getting in the outdoor ring again, or have a friend that can watch you. You don't have to do a lot in the outdoor ring if you aren't comfortable. Maybe you could work in the indoor and then go to the outdoor to cool down and just walk around after your indoor ride if you wanted to. Take it slow. And use your strength and understanding that riding is a tough sport to motivate you to just continue to go on. A few months ago I had the saddle fitter come to, well, fit my saddle. I was trying out this awesome Stubben... super comfortable, biomex seat, blocks, the whole package. What a dream of a saddle that was! I was cantering and this was at my old stable (I'm not a super confident canter-er quite yet) and the ring was downhill because it was not even a ring but a grass paddock that I always used when I was there, I wasn't focused on keeping my horse balanced on the slope, she may have bucked or tripped or stretched out too much or something, I flew off, hit my chest on the fence. Nothing happened, I got up and was fine... but then when my trainer was with me not too long after that, as nervous as I was, he had me canter the same way, down the slope, giving me advice and control. Now I don't have to use that ring and I still get nervous cantering but things are much better with the advice that I get. If you are working with a trainer, make sure you share this frustration and fear with them. As your trainer, they should help you through this. It's only going to make you stronger. I hope it works out for you, and remember, happy riding


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## michaelvanessa (Apr 25, 2012)

*falling off*

hiya may i call you amber.
thats good that you ride in doors and your back in the saddle.
may i ask can you take your mare in the out door school and just walk her.
have a team building secion with you and her and talk to her when you are walking around the school and build up from there.
dont be afraid grab your demons by the horns and you both have a good time out doors. 
and build up from there.
michael.


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## chasingfireflies (Jul 27, 2012)

Please!!!! DO WHAT YOUR DOCTOR SAYS!!! Believe me 2 weeks is nothing!!! Take care of your back, treat it kindly! I herniated 2 discs in my lower back 2 years ago and I'm just know even considering getting back on a horse! I'm not actually sure I'll ever be able to ride again, but I'm going to give it a go!! While I have no other words of wisdom for you I promise 2 weeks off isn't that bad and you'll be happy you did once you start feeling better!!! Much luck and health!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bennett (Dec 31, 2011)

I highly suggest finding a friend who'll let you get on their horse while while warming them up or cooling them out and do a few laps of the outdoor and a friend who's comfortable on your mare to do a few laps too. It sounds to me like both you and your mare are nervous outside and anxiety+anxiety=explosion. Once you realize that it isn't the arena's fault and you're okay outside and your absolutely stunning mare figures out that the arena wont grow teeth and eat her alive it'll be a lot easier for you both to move on from the falls. I also suggest taking her over ground poles in the outdoor. It gives you something to concentrate on besides the past and if she's anything like my horse (Bennett, hence my nickname) she'll trip on at least one of the poles. You'll get to see that a misstep isn't necessarily a fall in a safe, controlled environment, where you wont be falling on a jump or something.


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## Bennett (Dec 31, 2011)

I have to add that it's great you're working on this and aren't just forever avoiding the outdoor or any other outdoor.  maybe I'll work on my, and my horse's, fear of the roundpen.


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## Centaurheart (Jul 9, 2012)

I just want to give you a big old hug except well your back is hurting. You and Amber look awesome together. Do NOT sell this horse. I can tell she's really special and really into you in those pictures. Work through this challenge and don't be defeated by it. Visualize you and her riding all over safe and sound outside repeatedly while your on your no riding rest. Think about it so much and keep picturing perfect rides. Add in sounds smells everything in these visualizations. Think success over and over.


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## deserthorsewoman (Sep 13, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel, being past the five zero, around horses for over 40 years, started out indoors and having seen tons of freak accidents....most of them outdoors. And im rather chicken anyway. Constantly see the worst case scenario. What helped me a lot was a trainer who was a strong believer in work-indoors, relaxing-outdoors. So that's what I do. After working we go out to cool off. Horse is more relaxed, I'm a little tired too. Much less likely to have an explosion.
I think indoor arenas are spoiling riders. Now I don't have one and if I want to ride, I deal with it. 
What helped me a lot, and my different horses too, were trail obstacles to work with, the kind western riders use. Keeps the horse and me concentrated and got us way more bomb proof. Start with doing them in hand first. Again, after a good workout indoors, just one obstacle. Once you two master that one, work on another. And if its just ground poles as mentioned above, maybe not "in order", just thrown down like Mikado. 
Another think that works for a lot of horses and is one of my pet peeves anyway...NEVER go in a straight line. Circles,voltes, bending, two tracking, leg yield....change hands often...never straight. Gives you more control, a good workout for the horse and eases you into collection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Eventually, what it comes down to is your own personal determination to overcome your fears. 

Nobody can give you courage; that comes from within you. Either you have it or you don't.

There are no exercises, mental or physical, that will help unless you have grit and the mental fiber to WANT to overcome your fear.

It's all dependent on you and how determined you really are to ride.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Have you asked the doctor the consequences should you come off again? After you have worked your horse in the arena, do your cool down walking in the outdoor one. Keep it low key and she should be more relaxed (tired) after the indoor workout. Does the outdoor take her farther from the barn? Could be some anxiety going on if it is.


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## michaelvanessa (Apr 25, 2012)

*worred about rideing in the school*

hiya just build your self up slowley just walk in the school for a while.
add some troting poles so you can walk over them change the rein so you are useing the whole school.
when you feel confedent trot alittle and back to walk.
work out a plan go back to basics and build from there.
and you and your mare will gain confidence it takes time.
make a plan as to what you want to acheave with your mare and do a little each day and leave it on a good note so you both can build confedence togeather dont over do it and turn things sourer.
i wish you and your mare the best.
michael and tricky.


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## littrella (Aug 28, 2010)

Dont Give Up! 6 months ago I was afraid to get on ANY horse. Last week I was cantering on an Arabian. Believe in yourself, Believe in your horse, take it slow & work through it. I also sugest a good chiropractor for you back problems. They are mirical workers!


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## honeyluv (Aug 19, 2012)

*im so confused*

Hello everyone  i am so confused. i weigh 250lbs and my horse honey is 14.2hh and 980lbs. Im afraid to ride her because i feel i wiegh to much. My nieghbor has told me she will be fine in 20 min incriments. Im just very scared because i do not want to hurt her. She is a very sturdy , thick horse but yet a little lazy. I have about 15 acres and im dying to ride!!And BTW amber is a beautifull horse  i hope everything is working out for you two.


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