# A bad lesson makes me so demotivated and reluctant to continue.



## HorseAndSparrow (May 7, 2021)

I have bpd so I'm especially prone to these emotions and I've also spent many years of my childhood in an abusive horsey environment where I always felt like I wasn't enough, for some background. I can get therapy all I want but I think some horsey people advice will help more.

My favourite lesson horse got injured so I can't ride him anymore. He was wonderful and I was finally able to get him on the bit and work on collection, lengthening strides and so on which made me feel as if I'm truly advancing my riding. He wasn't an easy horse, he had his kicking moments and he was lazy, but he was my type of horse for sure.

And the reason why he was my kind of horse is because he needed a very light hand. The new lesson horse available for jumping is the type that snatches the bit and runs away with you. I'm working on it, but he uses that technique a lot to run out from jumps with me. My trainer keeps telling me that I'm not turning him enough, and maybe that's true, but I hate pulling on a horses mouth. It makes me uncomfortable and constantly stressed that the horse is in pain, which is why I don't think I'm a good fit for this kind of horse.

But I can't ride anywhere else or afford my own horse. And my trainer said I'm making excuses for not driving him to the jump and saying I don't want to pull on his mouth and blaming the horse, which isn't true, I have so much trauma of not being good enough that I blame myself for everything and never the horse or anything else.

In the warmup I'm doing everything I can to make the horse more responsive and willing to accept the bit, and I feel like it's getting better, but then a bad lesson where he runs out a lot will make me feel as if I'm a bad rider.

I don't know, is it possible to be a bad rider on a horse and a good one on another? Am I being just too sensitive and not responding well to criticism? Horses are my entire life and I can't give it up, this is the only barn I can go to in my city. I don't even care about shows or glory, I just want to be able to rescue horses once I'm older and have a stable job and bring them along.


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## ACinATX (Sep 12, 2018)

Are you consciously thinking about that jump from the moment you turn and start approaching it? Or are you waiting until you're almost there to think about where your horse is going? I know it's not the same, but my daughter's mare will duck out of poles and raised poles, and one thing my daughter does to get around it is to keep focused on the middle of that pole the whole time. That way she's communicating clearly with the mare about what her expectations are. It doesn't always work, but it helps a lot. Don't wait until the last minute and then try to jerk their head around.

Some horses are a lot easier to ride than others, and some people do better with some horses and not others. You will probably get the hang of riding this horse after a while.


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## dogpatch (Dec 26, 2017)

I don't think the problem is yours. I think the horse has some conflicts that probably require retraining of basic responses and you're getting blamed for the behavior by the trainer. Obviously, you're not in a position to retrain him. He uses the technique repeatedly because it's been a successful escape from an unpleasant situation for him, so it's become habitual. As regards "pulling" on his mouth, well, obviously you're not in a position to re-school the horse. But he's already habituated to the amount of pulling you use on him. It's not enough of a motivator to get the response you want. You need to use a strong enough motivator to get the response you want (i.e. "pull"), but as soon as he does the right thing, you MUST release. This is not being mean. The more you limp-wrist without a response from the horse, the more he will habituate to and ignore your aid and do what he wants. If you truly want to be kind to your horse, give him clear signals that he can rely on, that make you predictable to him, and as he learns the correct responses through obtaining release from the primary motivator (an effective cue) hopefully he will also become more predictable in his responses to your cues. 

You're under a considerable handicap, riding with someone who is possibly not filling in the critical details of how to apply the cues effectively, but if it's you're only option, you may want to acquire supplemental knowledge on how horses learn to improve your positive experience and should help ease your frustration.


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## Whinnie (Aug 9, 2015)

If this is the only horse they will let you use, what if you just rode him on the flat for lessons until you feel he is under control, and then start back with very low fences. Sometimes the best way to go forward, is to go backward (back to basics) for a time..


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

Whinnie said:


> If this is the only horse they will let you use, what if you just rode him on the flat for lessons until you feel he is under control, and then start back with very low fences. Sometimes the best way to go forward, is to go backward (back to basics) for a time..


I second this! There is always more to learn. Jumping isn't everything. I raaaaaaarely jump, but I've come a long long way in my riding and my understanding of horses, regardless. Jumping gives me anxiety more than it gives me a thrill. So it's an easy thing for me to just skip, and I don't think that makes me a bad rider!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

It's very possible to be a good rider on one horse, and struggle mightily on another. I feel for you, but keep trying a bit more. Learning how to deal with different horses and the challenges they present is part of growing into a horseman. Just keep sayig, "This, too, shall pass". It will, even if at the moment it feels awful.


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## CallmeDior (Apr 26, 2021)

I can relate to your story very much and it is unfortunate that you don't have other schools you can go to instead. I do agree that you need to be able to learn from different horses whether it is to your liking or not to become a better rider. I also feel that if you feel scared, that's another thing because the horse can sense it and it is never a good thing.

Maybe you can ask your coach in private to be nicer to you or empathetic to you instead of being too hard. I know that different people learn best with certain way of teaching. For example, I learn best from a patient but very technical coach. I can't learn from a coach that constantly shouts. However, I do appreciate when a coach also pushes me hard because he knows I am better than I think I am.

I know it is easier said than done and I am guilty myself for not talking-to previous coaches only because I had other options of coaches to choose. I also know that it isn't the coaches fault because this is their style of teaching and there's nothing wrong with that. We are all different but from your situation, you are left with this coach so probably it is best to have some nice chat with her and explain yourself.

I hope that things get better with you! I know this can be a stressful situation as I felt it before.


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