# A Letter to My Girl



## AnnieHannie (11 mo ago)

I was recommended by my sports psychologist to write a letter to my mare expressing everything that has happened to help get over my current fear of jumping on her and I wanted to share it on here so you guys could do it as well since I've been told this can help put things in perspective and help move on from difficult situations.

Dear Nena,

I'm sorry I can't ride you as well as when I first bought you. 
You were an amazing mare, honest, strong, and always kind to me no matter how badly I did and you were so patient and I just took it for granted thinking it would always be that way. 
When we met I was with a trainer that gave me bad advice but I ignorantly stayed by his side no matter what he said or did.
I also was coming off a horse that had helped me realize I could win if I wanted to but also taught me to never trust horses and that was not fair to you.
I had never worked on my past issues from previous bad experiences with horses and trainers, I should have realized this didn't just affect me but you as well. I'm sorry I put you with that trainer and my distrust for months, you never complained or acted naughtily and only ever tried your best and I'm sorry that when things got bad with that trainer all I did was cry instead of try to get you into a better situation where you would get the chance to bloom.
I'm grateful for everything you did for me, from showing me that I could trust horses to showing me that I was capable of jumping higher than ever before.

I'm sorry I pushed you, I'm sorry I pushed US into a situation we were not ready for and caused our accident due to my need to prove myself to that trainer who only ever berated me, put me down, and called me names. I'm sorry I let things happen to make you fear humans because of my fear to speak out and ignorance of the situation thinking it was fine. That wasn't fair to you and if I could, I would take it back and start again, somewhere where you could be happy. I'm sorry you lost your confidence, I'm sorry I lost your trust, and I'm sorry you now resort to kicking out and rearing every time I ask for anything complicated, like gallop from a walk or a long spot, out of fear and confidence issues. I caused it and I'm so sorry. You weren't perfect, no horse is, but even with your quirks I love you so much and I'm so sorry I couldn't be a better rider, a better friend, to you and help you work your issues out instead of just ignoring them and causing you discomfort in favor of wanting to win that trainers approval. I'm sorry I only noticed the issues when it was too late, I'm sorry I only started to speak out and cry about the situation when things were looking grim, and I'm sorry I only started to talk back to that trainer days before our accident.

I love you, I love you so much. I can't deny that sometimes we fight, we have our miscommunications.

I get frustrated because no matter what I've done these past 6 months you only seem to get angry at me when I mess up or ask for anything you dislike but I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy and enjoy jumping as you did before. I still cry sometimes after riding when we have a bad day, a day where maybe you were as frustrated with me as I was with you, a day when I was so scared we would hurt ourselves again I held you back, and a day when you were trying your best but all I could think of was us getting hurt and not trusting you. I swear I'm trying, I'm trying so hard my hands bleed sometimes after riding from my anxiety and holding the reins so tight out of fear, my breath gets caught in my throat when I feel you hesitate and all I can think is us hurting ourselves again. But then we have amazing days, days where you are so proud of yourself after we finish our lesson, days where you jump your heart out and I'm right beside you trusting your every move, and days where we just spend time on the ground talking and munching on snacks taking our time to just be together. I swear I'm trying to earn your trust again, to form our friendship again, to understand each other, and move past our accident. 
Our new trainer wants us to get better, he takes his time with you to understand you, and he takes his time with me to let me take it one step at a time.

My Nena I'm sorry for not doing everything right from the beginning, I miss our golden days where we soared and everything was fun, but I promise I'm doing everything I can to make things right, to make things enjoyable for you.
People talk about us all the time, the girl and mare who will never finish another course again, but I'll prove them wrong. No, you will prove everyone wrong because you are amazing. I know you are. I swear I'll try my best to be the rider you deserve, to work on my fear and learn to rely on you as well as show you that you can trust me again. I swear to you I will be the best rider and friend you can ever ask for. I'm sorry it took me so long to do anything. I won't deny it's been a rocky journey and there will still be bad days, like today where I could feel you tense and instead of helping you I got scared and when things didn't work out I pushed you out of frustration. I want to get better for you, I promise I will, thank you for being there even after everything, for trying new things even when I can feel you hesitant because you want to trust me again. I love you, I promise we'll get better, I'll get better, and no matter what I'll be there through thick and thin and never leave you because you have never stopped wanting to trust me again. I love you, my heart horse, my girl, my incredibly sassy strong-willed grey mare, and I swear on my life I will make you happy and I will make things right, one day at a time.

Yours Forever,
Annie


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## gottatrot (Jan 9, 2011)

Very beautiful, and I am guessing therapeutic for you. It sounds like you are on the right road now, so eventually you will get there! Horses are very forgiving creatures.


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## BethR (Feb 17, 2021)

How beautiful; I know writing this letter to your beloved mare is a source of inspiration to you. 
With all that love you profess, there’s no doubt in my mind that all will work out in the end.


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