# Thinking of giving up riding



## Jordanaa (May 27, 2018)

I love horses, I eat, sleep, breathe them. But lately I just feel like I'm getting nothing out of it. 


I rode my horse this afternoon at a walk. I was sorta excited to ride but I was nervous as well. The last time I did, someone was lunging and my horse freaked out and bucked so I fell off (I was bareback) and the other person hurt their leg. 

I just got my horse probably a few months ago, I don't know him super well.

I just feel no enjoyment in riding anymore. The ride today was a tad tedious, I just want to trot and canter but I can't because he's really spooky and a fidget head and mostly because I was nervous as well. Someone took some photos and I look so stiff.


I love my horse, but I don't know if he's the one for me. He is very, very unique. He needs to be ground tied from a previous racing incident, he doesn't really like being washed and doing anything with him is hard since I can't tie him up and he moves around a lot, he tries to lay down when I pick out his feet, he tries to kick when I pick out his feet but if I go behind him he's fine. Although he'll lift his leg up the minute I lean down to pick it out. 


I don't think he would ever intend to hurt anyone but today as I was putting him back in his paddock he spooked and I just woo'ed him and then as we were walking through the gate he tried running off, I held on because I didn't want him tripping over the halter. I got the worst rope burn on my hands. 


Riding doesn't give me joy anymore, I love having my own horse, but I just don't know if he's the horse for me. It's making me tear up writing this because I do love him, but my goal to get better at riding is going to be lot harder. I would say I am around intermediate level, so I know a bit. I just wish I could be like all my friends and be able to go for a nice ride and for him to be well-behaved, but I don't know. I don't trust him I guess. 
I've ridden worse horses than him, I've ridden horses that have bucked, bolted, kicked, and have taught them not to do those things but for some reason, I don't feel as confident with my horse. We don't have a round yard, or an arena either. The person that is around when I ride is my carer, she kept saying be weary, be careful etc so it made me feel more on edge while at the place I used to go the coach would throw me on a green horse and say 'you'll be right mate'. I'm thinking of getting one of the coaches down at the barn to give me a lesson, and maybe ride my horse for a bit as well. 
I'm losing passion, I just want an enjoyable ride but I'm not getting that. Has anyone else been through that as well? What advice would you give me?
I can't lunge him either because he doesn't like being tied up or anything, that's why I fell off last time because he didn't like being lunged.
Please someone help!! I know deep down that I don't want to give up riding. How do I talk to my carer about it all, I feel bad since she went out and got all the stuff for him and it cost a lot of money. 
Any similiar experiences?
I'm not one to give up, but for some reason this is testing me.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Only you can make the decision. It does sound as is you have a totally wrong horse for your needs. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you are out of your depth and selling him or, trying to exchange him for something more suitable. 

All that you have said about him sounds like he is just taking advantage of you. A more experienced person would be able to stop his antics within a few days.


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## Jordanaa (May 27, 2018)

Foxhunter said:


> All that you have said about him sounds like he is just taking advantage of you. A more experienced person would be able to stop his antics within a few days.


I agree. He will take advantage of anyone showing any weakness. But if he does do something naughty I pull him up for it and he listens, but then a few days later will try again. Could it be that he is testing boundaries? I haven't had him long so I was thinking maybe he could be seeing what he can and can't get away with. I'm not afraid to tell him off because I know that horses will walk all over you if you let them. I don't know how to bring it up to my carer though.....


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## Avna (Jul 11, 2015)

You need a different horse, and someone experienced to help you learn how to get and keep control. This horse is not unique, he is just a spoiled brat who knows how to take advantage, and you are over your head with him. 

Another thing that isn't unique is your situation. Happens all the time to beginners. I would say it is one of the most common problems newer riders post with here. 

Don't give up on riding, but do give up on this horse.

When you say he stops his bad behavior when you correct him but then starts up again soon, that says a lot. A more experienced person would know that a bad attitude like his doesn't take one correction to overcome, but rather, a continual awareness of when he is thinking of trying something on and nipping it in the bud -- possibly for the rest of his life. It is something that become habitual to horse-handling, over time. Essentially, you keep a set of behavior parameters in your mind at all times and correct the horse for deviating from them -- every single tiny time they occur. Never waiting until they become a habit. This is how good behavior is made -- continually. It doesn't just get set and then you're good to go.


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## Cordillera Cowboy (Jun 6, 2014)

I agree with others that this is not the horse for you. It could be that using the money spent on the care and boarding of this horse could go to regular lessons, or to leasing a more suitable horse.


this statement also jumped out at me.
"The person that is around when I ride is my carer, she kept saying be weary, be careful etc so it made me feel more on edge "
It sounds to me that you have someone with you who is responsible for your health and safety. If that person is not familiar with horses, it could of course, add to your anxiety. But, it doesn't sound as if that was a problem with other misbehaving horses you've ridden. It could also be that she sees the same thing we are seeing. 


As pointed out, there is no shame in passing on a horse that you are not yet ready for. 


hope that helps some.


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

This type of thing happened to me with my first horse. He was completely unsuitable and I was getting terrified, and he was getting away with being a bully.

I sold him, and he blossomed with his next owner who was a lot more experienced and could keep him in line. They did some amazing things together.

I bought a new, older and more experienced horse on whom I instantly felt confident, and went from being terrified every second of my walk-trot ride to cantering around freely and going on long solo trail rides without a worry in my head.

Selling that horse was the best thing I ever did for myself. 

Something better is out there for you!


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## dogpatch (Dec 26, 2017)

When I was about 62, roughly five years ago, I bought a horse I'd loved from afar for the previous seven years. I ended up spending the next five years doggedly trying to turn his wretched attitude and habits around, although he wasn't as spoiled as your horse sounds. Still, I had no business wrangling such a large, ill mannered beast. I grew less confident, had fits of anxiety, and gradually came to believe that after a lifetime, I no longer wanted horses. So I retired him around last April, then proceeded to become resentful of the ongoing care, feeding and expense of caring for such an undeserving beast. Stopping riding didn't help, it made my feelings of defeat even worse.


Waiting in the wings was a remarkable little mare that I've had for 17 of her 19 years. She's always been a "second string" horse, because I originally bought her for driving in a pair, an activity that "died" years ago. She's small, and I'm pushing the outer edges of her weight carrying, but I decided that if we both go on a diet and work slowly at getting fit, we will manage.


When I re-discovered the joy and confidence of being with this wonderful mare, my whole life turned on its axis! At 67 I can't make the re-conditioning (and weight loss!) process go fast enough! She has given me the incentive to get myself back in shape and she's given me wonderful times on the trails to look forward to! Gone are the days of obsessing over an untrustworthy horse and letting him ruin my days with his negative behaviors! Oh, he is still here, he'll die here. He's too old and too goofy to send him on. Fortunately he's a love to be around, he just doesn't want to work. I need another pasture potato to keep my mare (who despises him!) company.



I think your horse is "tricking" you into thinking you no longer want to be with horses. Hopefully you can convince yourself to move on and find a different horse that will not wring the joy out of your heart!


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## Dustbunny (Oct 22, 2012)

dogpatch said:


> I think your horse is "tricking" you into thinking you no longer want to be with horses. Hopefully you can convince yourself to move on and find a different horse that will not wring the joy out of your heart!



Yep!
My sports model is 28 and retired in the pasture. I looked for a horse that would mosey. The short, round mare in the avatar has mosey down to a science (except when the black demon cows show up in the neighboring pasture. Then things can get a little exciting!). I'm happy with the mosey at this stage in life!
A good, well trained, mature horse is a good starting point for every new rider. Challengers can come later when you have developed the skills and confidence to take them on. Wishing you success!


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

Oh, the joys of an older, steadier mount!! Go find one!


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## dogpatch (Dec 26, 2017)

"I looked for a horse that would mosey."


Oh, Dustbunny! "Mosey" is one of the most important parts of our rides! My little mare tends to be a bit of an over-achiever and I find that practicing her gait (Fox trot, I think), just brings up the life in her much more than necessary! So I quit asking her for it and now we just practice climbing and descending our rolling pasture hillsides and snaking through trees for fun and exercise. 



Isn't it great to not have to prove anything and just seize your allotment of joy in this life!


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

I really feel this post. I got my first horse ever in Jan. She was green and I was a novice owner. I'd only ridden riding school horses up until now... even the spiciest school horse was nowhere near as spicy and green as my lovely mare. And she is the kindest, most forgiving.... but despite all this and having an amazing instructor working with us I still had moments I felt over my head. I still had anxiety that made me stress about going to ride much less look forward to it. This was with a good mannered mare who I am overjoyed to be around and ride, now I'm past that phase. I can't imagine even adding the stress of what you're dealing with, too, and not knowing how to properly correct his behaviour. 

It is NOT UNCOMMON AT ALL for instructors at two yards I've worked at to ask parents to leave the vicinity while their child is having a lesson. Too many nervous, backseat riding parents can make children nervous. Similarly my friend's husband also used to make her nervous, calling out "be careful" right before a canter. STAHP. PLZ. It's distracting and unnecessary. As if any of us are trying to purposefully get hurt? >.< You need someone that has confidence in YOU and your ability to take instruction. They also should have the experience and knowledge to talk you through it step by step and work on how to deal with common scenarios that pop up. 

I would start with getting a coach and do not be afraid for asking for a coach for GROUND WORK AND MANNERS as well. Coaching isn't always about riding. It should be about everything. You need to develop a trusting and respectful relationship both on the ground and saddle. Get help with both. Just ask. If, with regular coaching and minus one negative nancy, things don't improve then consider falling back to plan B. And rehoming or getting a new horse isn't failure. Giving up is <3 You got dis <3


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## Saoirse (Jun 17, 2018)

Unfortunately, it's a common beginner/1st horse story that one of yours.... And I can only see two options... 

The faster one, give up on your actual horse and ask your friends, who know your ridding level, to help you find a suitable horse for your needings, and ride him/her and treat the new horse from the ground before purchasing (more than once) to be sure there are no bad vices. And try to get an old horse (given the fact you are an intermediate rider, then I would look after a 8 - 12 yo horse). 

The other option would be to hire a trainer, and re-start the tame and break of your horse, try to erase his bad manners and train him again "from 0"... Plus take some riding lessons with him in a pen, learn how to work together under supervision of a horse person. The younger he is, the easier it should be....

You need to choose wisely the best option for your purse and what you want. I know it's not an easy election, but those are the only ones I can think about.


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## gottatrot (Jan 9, 2011)

Hey, it's not just beginners that can feel this way. A friend of mine who is very experienced bought a horse that was very challenging. She told me she wasn't sure if she was enjoying riding anymore, and after we discussed it the problem was just that she was not enjoying her horse. She gave the horse to her mom, who does not mind facing a challenge thirty times on a ride. One person might find the challenge stimulating, another might find it exhausting and discouraging. 

Now my friend has a big OTTB gelding, and this horse with a different personality is enjoyable. It wasn't her skill or experience that was in question, she just had different needs to make her feel confident and that riding was enjoyable. 

That being said, you should know that it is common to lose confidence in your own horse and feel more challenged, even when you can or have ridden other horses that are more difficult. It's some kind of phenomenon where what you are exposed to the most can get built up more in your mind.

So I'd carefully evaluate whether this is truly an issue with this particular horse (do other people have the same problems on him)? Sometimes it is just a stage of learning a horse, which can take a few months to work through. But if the horse is actually too much for your current confidence level, the best thing can sometimes be to move on.

I'd say to think carefully about that step, because I've seen people who kept having this issue with horse after horse, because it was really a problem with their own treatment of the horse, and what they really needed was more riding instruction. My suggestion is to look at the horse and yourself factually and logically, thinking about your skill level, the horse's level and personality, and what you want out of riding.


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## Jordanaa (May 27, 2018)

Thanks guys, a lot of you are saying to sell him on or get a new horse. The thing is though (I probably didn't phrase it correctly) he is sweet to be around but it seems like he doesn't like work. I am thinking of getting a trainer/coach out to help me. My carer that I mentioned was around horses for 40 years+, she did everything from showing, coaching and judging. She had a nasty incident with a horse around 10/15 years ago and I think that made her loose her confidence. The horse was given to us, I feel like my carer is trying to keep kim for a bit longer just to see what happens, and then make the decision. I think I may talk to her about it soon, because although I am confident to be around him, it's when I'm on him that is the trouble. I really am stuck in a rut, my carer paid so much money for all the feed, tack, rugs (we live on acerage) and I feel bad saying that BJ may not be the one. The people we got him off had another horse they were offering which was a in-training clerk of the course horse, and if it doesn't work out we could have him. They'd have to be pretty quiet wouldn't they? Augh, I just feel like crying right now. I feel so bad, I wish I was a better rider to meet his needs. I'm nervous as to how to bring up the topic to my carer..


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## Horsef (May 1, 2014)

Ugh. My mare most definitely doesn’t like to work, except for jumping. She isn’t dangerous like yours but I am now at a point that I have to drag myself to the yard because it is just so obvious she hates every minute of it. It really is sucking the joy out of riding. And I tried all sorts of diversions and games. If we’re not jumping, she just feels so grumpy even if she is forward. If I could find a good home for her I would sell her straight away but for various reasons it isn’t likely. I’d sell him if I were you, the sooner the better. Good luck.


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## Jordanaa (May 27, 2018)

Foxhunter said:


> Only you can make the decision. It does sound as is you have a totally wrong horse for your needs. There is absolutely no shame in admitting that you are out of your depth and selling him or, trying to exchange him for something more suitable.
> 
> All that you have said about him sounds like he is just taking advantage of you. A more experienced person would be able to stop his antics within a few days.





gottatrot said:


> Hey, it's not just beginners that can feel this way. A friend of mine who is very experienced bought a horse that was very challenging. She told me she wasn't sure if she was enjoying riding anymore, and after we discussed it the problem was just that she was not enjoying her horse. She gave the horse to her mom, who does not mind facing a challenge thirty times on a ride. One person might find the challenge stimulating, another might find it exhausting and discouraging.
> 
> Now my friend has a big OTTB gelding, and this horse with a different personality is enjoyable. It wasn't her skill or experience that was in question, she just had different needs to make her feel confident and that riding was enjoyable.
> 
> ...


Thanks! This really helped me, I've had a shocker of a night. I just feel like if I give him back to his old owners then I'm giving up, and I don't like that thought. I'm getting my carers daughter to ride him tomorrow (she used to ride a lot, hasn't been on a horse in a while but she was very good back in the day) I think I'm going to see how it goes, if I can get a few other people riding him as well then maybe, somehow that will help. As I've said before, I'm confident with him on the ground, but for some reason, I can't ride him without getting nervous. But I'm going to keep trying, even if it's just watching someone else ride or just riding him at walk.


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## Foxhunter (Feb 5, 2012)

Riding a spooky horse at a walk is not ideal. Many spook to liven things up so they really want to be given some hard work to get their energy used up. 

I have many years experience and with horses like this I would take them out to the hi,lbs and set out to trot/canter them for as long as it took to settle them and then some more. 

You really need some help with this horse from a good instruction.


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Yes, get real help with this horse, and THEN make a decision. It may just be some initial getting to know each other, but you need some skills to know what to do. Even just knowing that will put you in control, make you more confident, and give you the feeling that you can do this. If, even with help from someone experienced, you are still feeling it's not working out, then move on to another horse. 

I have been struggling with this for two years with my mare. I've fallen off her a bunch of times during spooks. Some days I still want to sell her, but I don't. She's a real doll on the ground which is a big deal to me. We've done a lot of fun training together (clicker training, liberty work, ground work). She really enjoys that. She does NOT enjoy being micromanaged, being asked to do something over and over again, being held back all the time. I was just getting to a point where I could control her speed and direction when she started getting frustrated, and I got discouraged again. I had to ask myself what was in it for her. Why should she enjoy being ridden? Doesn't look like much fun, especially with a rider who is constantly pushing and pulling. So I did a nice, relaxed ride, we trotted a little, then I went on a trail, got off her to let her eat grass, and we walked home side by side. I think she enjoyed that ride more than any other ride we've done in weeks. See if you can figure out what motivates your horse, and start spending time with him without riding. Do a few lessons with someone who is actually knowledgeable. And if you still feel this horse isn't right for you, find her another home and move on. The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be, and the more it will eat away at your confidence.

I will say that my mare is the best teacher I could ever have had. But I'm incredibly stubborn and determined in the face of adversity. It doesn't have to be that way. Two years ago, I could not have imaged that I would know this much about horse training, riding through problems, or go on a 7 hour trail ride. Dealing with my mare has taught me more about horses in two years than I had learned in the previous 45 years of my life. And I had horses growing up. When my next horse comes along, I will be better prepared. 

It does sound like you were confident riding difficult horses before, so yes, get that trainer involved to see if she can help you overcome this, or if she agrees that you should move on to another horse. Good luck! Don't feel bad. We all struggle sometimes. This riding thing is HARD.


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## apachetears6 (Jun 7, 2018)

At my age I dread the day I get too old to safely ride.
My horses at 22 years old I dread the day they get too old to ride.
I know that day is approaching.
I intend to ride as much weather and time permitting as I can.
Only you know if it is time to stop.


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## apachetears6 (Jun 7, 2018)

Foxhunter said:


> Riding a spooky horse at a walk is not ideal. Many spook to liven things up so they really want to be given some hard work to get their energy used up.
> 
> I have many years experience and with horses like this I would take them out to the hi,lbs and set out to trot/canter them for as long as it took to settle them and then some more.
> 
> You really need some help with this horse from a good instruction.


I have this bomb proof Gelding, who can bounce your eyes out at a trot, has no mane or forelock to speak of and as a fact ain't purty but who is child, steady and dependable and does not spook.
I have this beautiful mare who is a pleasure to ride but she spooks at stuff unbelievable. She has dumped me a lot, put me in the emergency room and done everything but pee on me and bite me.
Frogs plopping into the creek, a white Egret standing 100 yards away in a swamp. Chickens, plastic bags, cows, squirrels, bicycles, motorcycles, ATV's etc. I've learned and catalogued them all.
The thing is I know what she spooks at and what she MIGHT spook at and plan ahead to get control before she spooks.
We have ridden so much we both know now that she will spook and I will have control so it has become normal.
Riding her is always an Adventure.
:cowboy:


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## Kalraii (Jul 28, 2015)

Jordanaa said:


> Thanks! This really helped me, I've had a shocker of a night. I just feel like if I give him back to his old owners then I'm giving up, and I don't like that thought. I'm getting my carers daughter to ride him tomorrow (she used to ride a lot, hasn't been on a horse in a while but she was very good back in the day) I think I'm going to see how it goes, if I can get a few other people riding him as well then maybe, somehow that will help. As I've said before, I'm confident with him on the ground, but for some reason, I can't ride him without getting nervous. But I'm going to keep trying, even if it's just watching someone else ride or just riding him at walk.


I have my mare in working livery. Its only 3-4 half hour lessons a week, usually less than that. But its with the same instructor who oversees her progress and keeps both rider and horse in check. She only gets staff or better riders than I on her. I am her WORST rider and I own her lol. No shame. They are training my horse for me and it makes my life a million times easier. I learn how to deal with stuff but I don't have to deal with a time bomb once a week because she wasn't exercised/schooled enough. My horse absolutely would be a fresh nutcase if she was ridden so infrequently. The riders and instructor recently taught her to properly leg yield. Profit or what?  Get other people to ride him, watch them and learn WITH them so you can learn exactly how they deal with issues and/or school him. I also have only ever hacked out alone. ALL my flatwork in the last 6 months has been with an instructor. I'm nearly 30 and a big girl haha. No shame! Get help!


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Absolutely, watching someone else ride your horse successfully can be a big confidence builder! There's this 15 year old that can ride my mare so well, it's like magic to watch them together. Basically, I told her she can ride her anytime she wants. She's planning on being here pretty much every day for the month of August. She's good for my mare, and when I watch them, I see that it's possible to have this nice, well-behaved, fluid horse. It gives me hope. 

You'd think I'd be embarrassed to see a 15 year old do much better than me, but since I've seen my own riding coach struggle on my mare, I know she's difficult for almost everyone. I feel zero shame. My pride went out the window a long time ago -- I just want what's best for my mare, and to be able to ride her safely, so whatever I need to do to get there is ok by me. I've also asked her how she does it, and she's given me some great tips. We all have something to learn from each other.


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## my2geldings (Feb 18, 2008)

It sounds to me like you need someone to help you ride a confident building horse. It's hard to not lose interest when you're riding a horse who is not making riding fun. I watched it happen to a lot of my friends who owned horses who quite frankly should have gone to a feedlot to learn some work ethic. 
I think if you get more confidence and experience yourself with a horse who will take care of you, you can learn to have a lot more fun again and not ride worried all the time.


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## PoptartShop (Jul 25, 2010)

Before thinking of just giving up/getting rid of him, please hire a trainer. An experienced one to work with him.

You say he can't be lunged - I think he could probably be lunged if he was lunged by an experienced trainer, really you have to start from the ground UP. Those issues he has CAN go away or be helped. You just have to reach out. 

If he is not acting right on the ground or having issues on the ground, then in the saddle it won't be much different.
He needs groundwork & he needs trust, etc. HE probably needs confidence as much as you do.

I say, don't give up on him just yet...but that's ultimately your decision.

& it's not just beginners - a lot of people who have been riding for YEARS can feel this way. Almost like you are at a dead end. Don't give up hope.


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## BiologyBrain (Jul 9, 2015)

I feel for you. I agree that you probably just need a different horse.

I've been in a similar situation twice before. The first time was with a mare I bred, raised, and trained myself. I had put so much time nad effort into her that I was determined she was going to be the horse I wanted/needed. She hated being ridden especially jumping or dressage--my focus at the time. She was a great driving horse, but had developed an aversion to me on the ground. I worked with her for a total of 8 years including her foal-hood, but we just never meshed. I got to a point where I was having to make myself go out to even spend time with her. I felt like a failure and like a bad horse-owner (especially since she was the foal of my heart-horse). However, the day she left me, I felt nothing but relief. I knew she had already bonded better with her new owner than she ever had for me. Last I heard, she and her new owner were working up the ranks of Parelli or something and having the time of their lives. 

Most recently I bought a rescue horse with issues for cheap simply because she was a Curly that my severely allergic daughter could be around. I knew she was green, but since I had experience, I thought it would be ok. I didn't take into account that she'd been spoiled as a foal because of her injury (she had a partially fused knee) or the toll that 3 years of chemo and surgery had taken on me. When she finally bucked me off so hard that I cracked my helmet in 4 places and still got a concussion plus a dislocated shoulder and bruised tailbone, I quit riding her. However, she never tolerated being saddled again and I couldn't risk injury to work her through it. She was such a puppy dog of a horse that we kept her for an extra 2 years. My whole family loved her personality, but we couldn't trust her for riding or to be predictable on the ground even. I cried when she left, but I still see her on FB and know she's going to be a marvelous horse for her new owner. 

I was really nervous getting our new Curly after the experience with the last one. However, our new girl has given the whole family confidence in horses again. She's as perfect as I have ever seen for us. I can ride her, my daughter can ride her, and my son can ride her. My horse-terrified husband will even lead her almost a 1/4 mile into the barn or back out to the fence. I've even caught him making moves like he was going to slip onto her back. 

When you get a horse that's too much for you or just not suited for your goals, it's not good for the horse or you. It's no failure t admit you have the wrong horse even I feel you love that horse tremendously. Search high and low for a horse you can be confident around and it'll turn out ok. 

Good luck!


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## Jordanaa (May 27, 2018)

So, I've decided to keep him. Just because we figured out one of the main issues was that I had contact on the bit, that makes him toey and me uptight. I had my carers daughter ride him, and although he is clumsy at trot (the ground was soft though) he was a lot better. I'm thinking of getting a job to save up for a stock saddle, which is what he's used to. I've ridden in one once and enjoyed it a lot more than an English saddle. So pretty much, he's never going to stand still and I'm going to have to adapt to that, but I'm going to ride with looser reigns and no leg on for now. I'm not going to do competitions with him, only ride him around the farm too. I'll post some photos of my very first ride as well, please don't judge. I was an uptight mess aha http://https://imgur.com/a/6EUNHFp
Mind you I chose the one where I look the least nervous


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## Acadianartist (Apr 21, 2015)

Jordanaa said:


> So, I've decided to keep him. Just because we figured out one of the main issues was that I had contact on the bit, that makes him toey and me uptight. I had my carers daughter ride him, and although he is clumsy at trot (the ground was soft though) he was a lot better. I'm thinking of getting a job to save up for a stock saddle, which is what he's used to. I've ridden in one once and enjoyed it a lot more than an English saddle. So pretty much, he's never going to stand still and I'm going to have to adapt to that, but I'm going to ride with looser reigns and no leg on for now. I'm not going to do competitions with him, only ride him around the farm too. I'll post some photos of my very first ride as well, please don't judge. I was an uptight mess aha http://https://imgur.com/a/6EUNHFp
> Mind you I chose the one where I look the least nervous


I couldn't open that link, unfortunately. 

I'm so glad you're pushing through this, but also, that you've gotten some help. Can your carer's daughter continue to work with you to give you more tips? 

My mare also hates it when I'm pulling on her too much, or cueing her constantly. Try to relax on your horse, relieve tension by talking to him, or singing, or just taking lots of deep breaths! One of my coaches used to tell me to inhale for as many strides as I could, then exhale for as many strides as I could just to keep my breathing more relaxed. I now chat with my mare pretty well constantly because she really seems to like it. It keeps me from holding in too much tension. 

In terms of the use of reins and legs, if your horse is sensitive, you probably want to use them sparingly, at least until you get used to each other. Try to remember to "ask" calmly and quietly for what you want, then give your horse a chance to do it. We often aren't patient enough, and just keep at them when they haven't had time to process what we're asking of them. Ask, wait, then if you need to, ask again a little more firmly, and so on.

Good luck! and don't hesitate to ask for help.


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## Jordanaa (May 27, 2018)

Acadianartist said:


> I couldn't open that link, unfortunately.
> 
> I'm so glad you're pushing through this, but also, that you've gotten some help. Can your carer's daughter continue to work with you to give you more tips?
> 
> ...


Thankyou!
She said she will continue to work with him, if I ever feel nervous while riding him, she said she can walk beside me and then I just end up talking anyway. 

I need to get into the habit of talking, I'm going to be honest, when I first learnt to ride I was at this shabby equestrian centre, and they told me to never hit, growl, etc at a horse and just ignore its bad behaviour. 

One horse I used to always ride would try and bite me, so after many near bites, I decided to give it a smack on the mouth. I ended up being called an abuser by one girl , another time I tapped a horse on the bum to edge it on and there was a rumour that I 'smacked it hard'. Those things really hurt because I am in no way abusive and I am an avid animal rights supporter. 
From that day on I never laid a hand, or growled at a horse again. 

I took lessons when I first started and they also said to not talk while riding because it distracts the horse. All they focused on was heels down, there was no other thing that I learnt. Luckily my carer came in every now and again and gave me and my friend a quick lesson (the coaches let her) and I learnt a bit that way, also learnt through a dude who trains his horses there, he gave us a lesson for every 4th time we fed his horses.
Ended up paying for a lesson with the centre but just helping out, so I was paying $60 to just help other people tack up and ride. 

I learnt many bad habits at that place but I also learnt to work hard. I'd get up at 5 to get there at 6 and then work until 5, I had to do around 2-3 of those days to get a small ride on an uneducated horse with no coach helping me. Now they all don't like me because I left the toxic environment and got my own horse. (The reasons it was toxic I don't want to mention here)
I will try a lot more breathing as well, I may be riding him this afternoon, depends on the weather. He's pretty good to cues, like very light pressure and he'll turn.


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## charrorider (Sep 23, 2012)

A lot of people love horses and they don't ride. Nothing wrong with that if riding isn't for you. Probably many have suggested a change of horse. But there's no guarantee you're going to find what you're looking for. You feel like giving up riding? Go ahead. Riding isn't for everyone. And if you do give up riding, you'll find out one way or the other if it is for you, or not. JMO.


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## newtrailriders (Apr 2, 2017)

I'm glad to hear you've decided to keep your horse. I hope you will be happy with your decision. Do you have the horse at your house or are you boarding?

I have a horse (Ona) who was too much horse for me, for a long time. I got her when she was a baby and I was a beginner, so it wasn't a great situation to begin with. I kept trying with her and getting more frustrated, and it wasn't good for either of us. Finally I got an older horse who was a lot easier for me to handle and did lots of trail riding on him. Now that I have more confidence, I'm able to ride Ona. Today was our second trail ride this year. We went about 5 miles and it was quite enjoyable, now that I know what I'm doing. I'll just alternate which horse I ride. I don't think I'll regret having an older well-broke horse for friends and family to ride and enjoy, once I start riding Ona more.



If you have the land, why not get a second horse to use as a confidence builder and keep the one you have now to ride later? The older, very experienced, horses don't cost much and are worth their weight in gold.


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## SteadyOn (Mar 5, 2017)

Jordanaa said:


> I need to get into the habit of talking, I'm going to be honest, when I first learnt to ride I was at this shabby equestrian centre, and they told me to never hit, growl, etc at a horse and just ignore its bad behaviour.
> 
> One horse I used to always ride would try and bite me, so after many near bites, I decided to give it a smack on the mouth. I ended up being called an abuser by one girl , another time I tapped a horse on the bum to edge it on and there was a rumour that I 'smacked it hard'. Those things really hurt because I am in no way abusive and I am an avid animal rights supporter.
> From that day on I never laid a hand, or growled at a horse again.


Oh man. I've said this before here in other threads, but I think it's actually abusive to NOT correct a horse. Because in the long term, their behaviour can escalate to a point where they can't be handled safely anymore, and those horses have bad ends. 

Smacking, growling, barking "no!", taking a stern threatening step towards them, clocking them with a lead in the field if they won't respect your space... all potentially part of a regular day of handling horses. When they do something undesirable it needs to be corrected immediately to an appropriate degree and then you both move on from it. And that's how nice, polite, relatively SAFE horses stay that way.


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## Saoirse (Jun 17, 2018)

SteadyOn said:


> Jordanaa said:
> 
> 
> > I need to get into the habit of talking, I'm going to be honest, when I first learnt to ride I was at this shabby equestrian centre, and they told me to never hit, growl, etc at a horse and just ignore its bad behaviour.
> ...



I ABSOLUTLEY agree. 



Looks as if you, @jordana , started in a bad place (i did that too but in other sense, the one I started at had instructors and owners that liked to criticize the people who was learning with them, plus they never treated horses properly, in terms of feeding, warming before exercise, etc).

I'm glad you decided to keep the horse and find other way to work him, there are horses too much sensitive that won't do well with the typical way we are taught to ride (let's call it "classical way of riding")


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