# Suicide. how has it affected you?



## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

A friend from HS committed suicide about 2 years after we graduated. We went to different universities and I only saw her once or twice after we started college. I never got my head around it - she was beautiful, charismatic, privileged, very sweet, she had wonderful parents..._everything_. I can only guess that she had some depression issue that wasn't apparent, or she develop one in college. I can understand suicide in situations such as terminal illness, and a few others, but otherwise it seems so complex that the average person just can't process it. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it would be for loved ones left behind.


----------



## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

I had a very dear friend who committed suicide. He was an older gentleman (about my Dad's age) and he played in the band that I'm a part of. We spent a lot of time together over a number of years and he taught me a lot. He was a retired cop and one of the best men you could ever hope to meet; honest, honorable, trustworthy, respectful, etc.

Due to some family issues with his estranged granddaughter, he was accused of something that he would have never done, _ever_. I still don't understand his reasoning behind suicide, but I suppose he either thought it was his only way out or maybe that it was the only way to protect his family from the ordeal of a trial, I'm just not sure.

It's still very hard to deal with and I'm actually sitting here crying as I type this. Just for my own feelings, there was initially complete disbelief...followed by a very powerful rage at the person who lied about what he had done and put him in that position. There was also a good amount of anger toward him, but that has since faded. Now, I just miss him. I miss playing guitars with him and cutting up and trying to figure out chords for songs. I miss knowing he's there if I ever needed to talk about anything.

I just _miss _him, you know?


----------



## GamingGrrl (Jan 16, 2013)

A few years ago a very good friend of mine commited suicide on Christmas Eve. I hadn't talked to him in about a year, but I knew that he had just finished an alchoholic rehab program, and was supposedly doing very well.

The holidays just aren't the same now. They're a dark and black time, coupled with missing my deceased mom too. I miss him, terribly. Looking at pictures of him hurts, reading old conversations hurt, saying his name hurts. He affected so many people's lives and while he made some bad choices regarding drugs and alchohol, he was an honest, genuinely kind person.

Another hard part of this situation was we casually dated and clearly liked each other, but were never official as boyfriend and girlfriend. Can't help but think of all the "what ifs".

It's taught me to never take friendships for granted, and to always let my friends know exactly what they mean to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Poseidon (Oct 1, 2010)

I have not personally dealt with a close friend or family member committing suicide.

However, I do very much wish that there was a much better attitude about depression and other serious mental health disorders. Depression is a life-threatening disorder, which most people do not understand. Because it can't be seen the way physical injuries can be, there's this sense that it isn't as serious. This causes a huge number of sufferers to keep quiet about their sickness(es) until they can't handle it anymore and need an out. 

I'd imagine who have never experienced legitimate suicidal thoughts and tendencies have no idea what it feels like and how overwhelming it is, so having someone unload on them is probably confusing and very hard to wrap their head around.

After dealing with severe depression for at least 12 years and keeping it almost entirely to myself during that time, I finally decided to get treatment for it last fall and have been much more open about telling others and explaining things. I should add that I do not go around announcing it to the world. It's still primarily people I can trust can handle my emotional baggage that I carry around.


----------



## CCBella (Jul 6, 2010)

I have several friends and family members who have been touched by suicide. It's a terrible business for thse left behind and can have very long lasting effects. Two of my immediate family members were not that long ago at a high risk of suicide. Both are now diagnosed as clinically depressed and getting help. I am the contact person for one of them when they're down. They know they can talk to me about anything without judgement and I'll answer anytime day or night. 

I myself reached a point in my life a few years ago where suicide was starting to look like a real option. I knew how, when and where I would take my life. Luckily after a phone conversation I recognised the danger and sought help to change my situation before I really truly considered it. In my case it wasn't clinical depression but my life situation that was driving me toward the edge. I truly hope those who've never been touched by suicide don't have to experience it. My condolences to everyone who has.


----------



## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

Poseidon said:


> However, I do very much wish that there was a much better attitude about depression and other serious mental health disorders. Depression is a life-threatening disorder, which most people do not understand. Because it can't be seen the way physical injuries can be, there's this sense that it isn't as serious. This causes a huge number of sufferers to keep quiet about their sickness(es) until they can't handle it anymore and need an out.
> 
> I'd imagine who have never experienced legitimate suicidal thoughts and tendencies have no idea what it feels like and how overwhelming it is, so having someone unload on them is probably confusing and very hard to wrap their head around.
> 
> After dealing with severe depression for at least 12 years and keeping it almost entirely to myself during that time, I finally decided to get treatment for it last fall and have been much more open about telling others and explaining things. I should add that I do not go around announcing it to the world. It's still primarily people I can trust can handle my emotional baggage that I carry around.


 That's my idea, EXACTLY. People neglect to see depression as an illness; rather, they see it as a personality flaw. I feel like I can't talk about my mental health problems with anyone, even friends. People get weird about that stuff or they are not sensitive about it. I feel like people like me less when they find out about it, as if they are buying a damaged item from a store. 

I feel as if at that point, when you feel completely alone and misunderstood, is when a person starts contemplating suicide. I've never had anyone I know commit suicide, but I have a coworker whose husband did several years ago, and she's still on medication because of it. I don't know the whole story there, but I know it changed her life. A local high schooler did a year or two ago as well. No one took him seriously. 

We need to start treating mental illness as something serious because it is. I wish I could educate people on the seriousness and realness of it so maybe more people would be understanding and there for their friends who suffer.


----------



## JCnGrace (Apr 28, 2013)

I had a cousin that committed suicide while she was in college. There was enough age difference between us that we weren't close so it didn't affect me too much except for the general sadness you feel at the loss of someone you knew. It did affect her family big time. My aunt and uncle ended up divorced and the rest of the kids scattered as the went out on their own. To this day they aren't a close family and it's been many years ago. They don't look back on their childhoods with fond memories at all, only with pain.


----------



## thetempest89 (Aug 18, 2013)

Last year, my friend and I were at work. Laughing joking, she bought balloons that looked like private parts. They were for her sister, it was her birthday.

I got a phone call an hr later, with her bawling saying she won't be in tomorrow. Her dad had commiited suicide. He drank some cough medicine, and hung himself from the tree in the backyard. He KNEW it was his daughters birthday and he still committed suicide.

I'm usually not so hard on people who commit suicide. Things happen that people don't understand, but on your kids birthday? that's just absolutely horribly selfish.


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

The thing that I FEEL when I think about it is anger. it's just so selfish, and leaves a tornado of damage behind, to the very ones you love the most. I realize that at the time, the person who takes their own life thinks that the loved ones will be better off without them, but it is just not so.

the family always wonders "was there something more I should have done?"


----------



## NeryLibra (Oct 9, 2013)

I've never had anyone close to me commit suicide, but I have talked about twenty people, myself included, down from it. The hardest thing, in my opinion, for people to grasp about suicide is exactly how deeply rooted and how personal these thoughts can be. The best analogy I can come up with is, it's a lot like walking up to a person and admitting to wetting the bed a day ago. There's this fear of judgement, disgust, pity, opinion, change in view.. they don't want to be known as a "bed wetter," as much they don't want to be known as "the big cry baby."

It's easy, when we try to wrap our minds around a suicide, to look at a person's life and think "oh, she had it so easy! And she took the easy way out." or "there's people who have it harder than her and haven't self-harmed/committed suicide!" But, what we see is only face value. We might see secure financials, but stress might've been ripping them apart. We might see nice parents, but they might view their parents as monsters. We might see beauty, they might cringe at their own reflection. The opinions they form of themselves, their lives, won't easily be mended by your compliments; but could easily be damaged by your disses.

Depression can really blow things out of proportion. Every problem, no matter the size, can seem impossible to fix. Every negative statement, general or not, can seem like a personal attack. Every bad event can be just "another reason" to kill themselves. In almost all of the conversations I've had, talking a person down from it, suicide was their final solution to the problem. They figured that, to quote/paraphrase ten of them "my death won't be noticed, I won't be missed, and my problems will cease to exist." As well as, "I don't know what happens after death, but surely! It's better than the life I lead."

They never realize that what they're telling themselves is a lie and that there will always be someone that misses them. A friend, co-worker, secret admirer, parent, sibling, pet. They're never around to see the aftermath of their decision and therefore wouldn't know.


I'm sorry if anyone you've known has committed suicide; the best you can do for those you love is be there. And really, be there. Don't judge, listen. Don't kick them while they're down, try to help build them back up. Don't pity them. Don't view them as broken or damaged. Don't tell them what they're feeling is stupid. And don't, ever, hold it over their head. Ever. 

Best I know how to describe how suicide has affected me, and what I've learned from those who I've helped.


----------



## Kyro (Apr 15, 2012)

Nery, what you said.

I've been dealing with depression for 2 years now and another addiction for the last year. Ive never really considered suicide. But at my darkest moments, I have understood why they do it to some degree. No more pain, no more stress. Why live the life that you despise? When you even despise every inch of yourself..
I'm hoping I'm on the road to recovery. I'm trying. I am lucky enough that I have people who really care around me and I can lean on them for support. 

If there's anyone wondering how to act around a depressed friend, I could give a few ideas. Most of my friends whom I have talked about this will try to 'fix' me and give hundreds of suggestions. Most of the time, I don't want suggestions, I'd just like someone to listen and be there for me - maybe after I'm done I'd long for a nice warm hug, knowing that no matter what I have someone who cares and whom I can talk to. Believe me, I know most of the suggestions you are about to make, I start thinking I'm stupid for not already acting upon those suggestions ( it takes A LOT of time and courage to get to that place when you are ready to change). My friends also try to invite me to every possible event going on, but this is more irritating than anything else. 90% of the time I feel horrible and self-concious outside. I'd much rather go for a little walk outside with one friend than a big event. And, really I don't need the pity. I pity myself on my own just fine, the 'oh I'm so sorry' and 'poor dear' never really help. 

Sorry if this is off topic, as the idea was suicide and I just turned it into telling people what to do. Maybe one or two people can get something out of this, then it was worth it.


----------



## Clava (Nov 9, 2010)

My brother wasn't selfish when he committed suicide two years ago, I have nothing but sympathy for him. he committed suicide because he faced a terrible terminal illness, but I'm sure many others that kill themselves also find life intolerable.

His death affected me greatly in that I have found life more depressing and futile, but his final letter to me was about seizing the day and living without regret so I try hard to follow that. Not all suicides are a bad thing, but having to travel to another country to do it legally is.


----------



## Heleen Strydom (Sep 2, 2013)

I taught a girl who commited suicide (I am a teacher). She was a very bright 15 year old, beautiful girl. Straight A student, popular and a overall a very nice person.


It shocked her family and everybody who knew her to the core. If only we knew why!

It wasn't until her brother discovered her personal journal under his own matrass that we understood...
She had been raped by her brother's best friend!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

I lost two friends, both men in their early 60's because of out of control drinking. One's common-law had left six months earlier while the other was still living with his wife. In both cases there was no regard for family members who would find them. With one fellow, it was his adult son, the other his wife. I know the pain of living becomes too much to bear but to me it was the ultimate act of selfishness in both cases. Both men used a firearm.


----------



## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

I don't believe suicide is a "selfish" act. At least, not in the mind of the person committing it. 

I read somewhere that people who commit suicide don't really want to do it but believe it is their only way out. 

I've been suicidal twice in my life, once not even a year ago. I was just so distraught and so full of pain that I truly believed killing myself was a viable option. Now that I look back, of course I realize that suicide would have been a terrible option, but in the moment, I wasn't thinking straight. 

I think most people that commit suicide are not in their right minds. Being out of control is a very, very scary place to be. Sometimes, a person feels as if he or she cannot stop the pain or the hurt that he or she feels. It is so deep it is as if a knife is carving into your heart. I've been there.

Instead of calling the people that commit suicide selfish, maybe you should consider the incredible pain the person had to be in to do that to himself or herself. Mental illness is not something that allows you to see the outcome of your actions of self-harm. There's a reason it is dangerous: It is an illness that causes you to do some pretty crazy things.


----------



## Strawberry4Me (Sep 13, 2012)

Suicide is not selfish- although it seems that way to people on the outside looking in. People who are suicidal are not thinking rationally, and have tunnel vision. Its not like they think "my family will have a really hard time with this, but I don't care about them. This is about me." These people are in a place where they are stuck. They feel like there is no where else to go. 

I lost someone very close to me to suicide. (My aunt, my biological mother's sister- who was like a mother to me.) She'd told all of us that she was terminally ill, and so when she died, we thought she had a good reason. She was sick. When the autopsy results came back, we found out that she didn't have cancer. She was just preparing us for her death. She knew years in advance that she was going to kill herself, and duped us all along the way. 

There is nothing we could have done. She was determined. 

I only wish she could see what her daughter went through after she died. I wish she could have seen how finding her mother's dead body would traumatize her for YEARS. I wish she could see how her daughter overcame so many obstacles after her death, and is now a beautiful, responsible mother. I wish she could see how much her grandchildren look like her. All things I think would have made a difference in her life, had she been patient enough to stick around. 

It's been 10 years, and I still struggle every time I think about it.


----------



## IndiesaurusRex (Feb 23, 2011)

I understand how, to someone who hasn't been there themselves, it can seem like a selfish act, but I cannot. I've been there myself, very nearly gone through with it too, and, to me, it was like I was all alone. Rationally, my brain knew that my family loves me, and it would devastate them, but depression doesn't make you think rationally. When you should be thinking "What will this do to my family?", what you are actually thinking is "Nobody would notice if I left this world, I'm all alone, I just don't want to feel anything anymore".

For me, suicide wasn't a pity thing, it wasn't a cry for help, I just didn't want to be on this planet any more. I wanted to get rid of the pain of finding out that my Dad was terminally ill, I wanted to stop feeling the physical and mental pain when my boyfriend abused me, in every sense of the word. I felt like a small fish in an ocean full of sharks that were dead set on me being there next meal, and I wanted to take my life into my own hands, because that is what suicide is. It's the act of deciding your own fate, and that can be an intoxicating feeling.

Evidently, I never actually managed to go through with it, due to a few fortunate twists of fate, but I was incredibly close many times, and have a few health issues because of it.

In my mind, metal illness shouldn't be treated as "mental illness" - it's an illness, full stop. Why is it, that when you have the flu, and can't get out of bed, it's fine for you to skip school or work, but when the demons in your head aren't allowing you to get out of bed, you get branded "melodramatic", or a skiver?

Thankfully, mental health issues are coming to the fore, and hospitals and doctors are gradually getting better with them, but they have a long way to go yet.


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Poseidon said:


> I have not personally dealt with a close friend or family member committing suicide.
> 
> However, I do very much wish that there was a much better attitude about depression and other serious mental health disorders. Depression is a life-threatening disorder, which most people do not understand. Because it can't be seen the way physical injuries can be, there's this sense that it isn't as serious. This causes a huge number of sufferers to keep quiet about their sickness(es) until they can't handle it anymore and need an out.
> 
> ...


I could not have said this better myself. Suicide is a selfish act and the loved ones of those that have committed suicide often feel immense guilt.
One must not ask why the person took their life. Only they truly know and the answer left this world with them. Shalom


----------



## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

I lost my Mom to suicide 10 years ago. She had suffered from mental health issues since I was young, and to be honest the fact that the managed to live a life to the degree of normality she could at times amazes me. 

I don't blame her. I understand she was ill. I don't blame anybody who commits suicide, I feel for them. I wish they could have seen a way through things, but sometimes.. they can't see beyond what is there in that very moment. 

Just recently a beautiful young lady that was in the same circles of friends as myself committed suicide. It angered, and upset me to hear the resentment and the typical comments about how selfish she was, ect. She was not selfish, she was ill. 

I don't resent my Mom. Yes, I missed out on having a Mom at my wedding, she never met my husband. She never met either of my kids - infact she never met a grandchild at all. There are plenty of times I sit here and wish she was with me. I wish she could see my kids. I wish I could ask her for advice, that she could tell me when to smarten up, which battles to fight. After having my oldest baby, I was in a foreign country with no family or friends... and I tell you something, I would have given ANYTHING to have her there with me, or to be down the phone when I was crying my heart out with PND. 

I was never angry with her. It took me a long time to get my head around it. It took me a long time to accept it. Now... I'm happy she no longer has to suffer. I'm happy she no longer suffers. She watches out for us now, I envision in a much more hands on way than if she were still on this earth. I have thanked her numerous times for her guidance, and for protecting myself and the kids.


----------



## Lockwood (Nov 8, 2011)

Twice I've helped deal with the aftermath. One was a classmate in high school. He was my best friend's other best friend and while he and I were not nearly as close, the death took a huge toll on my best friend. I did grieve, however I was far more consumed with holding my best friend together because she was devastated.

Later, I was in a deep relationship with someone who's close friend and coworker committed suicide. I did not know the man very well, but the impact on my fiancé was huge. He had recently lost a parent and was already struggling with depression from that death and the suicide nearly broke him. 
I spent a long time helping him overcoming depression, dragging him back and fourth to doctors, and worrying he would do the same thing. I don't know if I went through the gamut of anger and confusion that I might have had either deceased person been related to me, but seeing and dealing the devastation to my loved ones probably affected me almost as profoundly.


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I am so sorry for your loss, and hope this discussion does not upset you.


----------



## thoroughbreddd (Jul 11, 2013)

Suicide is in absolutely no way selfish. It isn't a cowardly thing to do and you can't just get over it. As someone who has suffered with severe depression and being suicidal for a large portion of my life, I can tell you it isn't something you can control. I didn't decide I wanted to be this way and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. It feels like there's someone else in my head that I can't get rid of. I have tried to take my own life on multiple occasions, the most recent being last December. There was always a part of me that knew I wasn't thinking logically and tried to talk myself out of it but every time the voice in my head would come back and tell me there was no point to living anymore and no one would even notice if I was missing. Luckily there was always someone there to stop me. 

The first time I tried taking my life in middle school I stayed home after telling my parents I felt sick. My dad was at work and my mom was at a doctors appointment. My sister happened to come home to pick up a paper she forgot and found me and was able to talk me out of it. She took me to the ER where I was "treated". The doctors treated me like I was an alien. They didn't know how to act around me which made me feel even more isolated. The most recent time (last December) my best friend called me because she had a feeling that something was wrong. She stayed on the phone with me all night and listened to me cry and complain. I had never told her I was suicidal and still haven't but I'm sure she's figured it out. 

If you've never had a mental illness you don't know how it feels. I can't tell you the amount of times I've been told I'm being selfish and I should just get over it. When you're that depressed you feel like you have no one that cares about you and you can't think logically. I can't even describe the amount of pain you're in. I've also been told I'm being a coward and I'm trying to run away from my problems. You have to be incredibly strong to go against every instinct you have to protect yourself and your life. Overcoming the depression and suicidal thoughts takes even more strength. I have finally reached a good place in my life where I don't even think about taking my life anymore but I still don't tell people about it. I have lost a countless number of friends because they thought I was weird or crazy.

A mental illness should be treated just like any other type of illness and you should never be angry at someone that suffers from one.


----------



## Amba1027 (Jun 26, 2009)

I was hospitalized when I was 16, for being suicidal. I've struggled with depression for a long time, but it was at it's worst when I was in high school. All I ever wanted to do was sleep. Being awake was just too hard to bear. I very often considered just taking a bunch of pills and finally getting to sleep forever. While I was in the hospital they changed my medication, which helped a lot. What helped me get through it the most though, is that I never felt like no one loved me. It was always perfectly clear to me that my family loved me and cared about me a great deal. I tried lying to myself about it so that I could be free to just let go, but there was no denying my family's love. I'm very grateful for that, because I really think that's the only reason I'm still here. Wherever I felt like I was at the point were I really could just go ahead and kill myself, I'd think about what it would do to my mother. Stopped me every time. I couldn't do that to her.

I know not everyone is as lucky as I am. It's sad to think that there are people out there who just don't see how much people loved them, and how much they will be missed. A distant cousin of mine committed suicide when I was very young. I know how she felt and why she did it, but I wish she could've known how said it made her mom. Maybe that would've been enough to make her stay.


----------



## Poseidon (Oct 1, 2010)

tinyliny said:


> The thing that I FEEL when I think about it is anger. it's just so selfish, and leaves a tornado of damage behind, to the very ones you love the most. I realize that at the time, the person who takes their own life thinks that the loved ones will be better off without them, but it is just not so.
> 
> the family always wonders "was there something more I should have done?"


Like everyone else, I don't believe it is selfish. There is an immense feeling of guilt when thinking of what you are going to do to your family and friends. It is recognized. However, one of the biggest feelings of depression is guilt. Constant guilt over literally everything. Guilt for having made a mistake, forgetting an errand, even guilt for having the disorder. There's a point where that guilt slides past the guilt you have for hurting others and it's unbearable. 

And the point I was trying to make in my first post is in regards to the "was there something I could have done?" feeling. There needs to be far more education on depression and suicide awareness. Like Corazon said, many people will look at you differently if you tell them you have depression, so most bottle it up and don't have anyone for support. There is PLENTY others can do, but most don't know how to react emotionally to a friend or family member saying they have depression. 

Despite being more open about my issues, I am still pretty guarded about who I let know because of that reason. After I get to know someone long enough to judge their level of trustworthiness and how stable they seem, I may tell them. 1) I don't need some "friend" running off and telling everyone like the current gossip and 2) if I know someone is more emotionally fragile/flaky, I won't tell them. It's not fair to put that on them because it takes a lot of strength to sit and listen to a severely depressed person sit and destroy themself in front of you. After a while, you know the type of person who you can tell and who you can't. It happens.


----------



## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

It's so hard to confide in anyone about it. I won't even tell my best friend most of the thoughts I have or the feelings I get - I don't want to be a downer. Many times, I feel like my friends push me away once I am honest with them, so I try to keep it to myself for as long as possible. I've gotten to the point where I won't even tell my family when I'm feeling particularly depressed.

When I've gotten suicidal in the past, what the pain will do to my family and friends has stopped me - not to mention that I've been too scared to actually try it. But it's not something that I tell to anyone. At the time, you are completely out of your mind and thinking irrationally. 

I think it is all something completely foreign to people if they have never experienced it. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy either.


----------



## LemonZeus (Oct 6, 2013)

There's so much good stuff in this thread!



Poseidon said:


> However, I do very much wish that there was a much better attitude about depression and other serious mental health disorders. Depression is a life-threatening disorder, which most people do not understand. Because it can't be seen the way physical injuries can be, there's this sense that it isn't as serious. This causes a huge number of sufferers to keep quiet about their sickness(es) until they can't handle it anymore and need an out.
> 
> After dealing with severe depression for at least 12 years and keeping it almost entirely to myself during that time, I finally decided to get treatment for it last fall and have been much more open about telling others and explaining things. I should add that I do not go around announcing it to the world. It's still primarily people I can trust can handle my emotional baggage that I carry around.


I second this. Throughout high school I battled with the administration and ended up graduating late and going to a community college instead of my first choice school (can you tell I'm still bitter about it? Ha.) I threw them doctor's forms, prescription information, notes from behavioral clinics, etc, but they didn't budge. I kept up with all my work, but the teacher's wouldn't take it. A lot of the time I ended up thinking, I bet things would be a lot different if it was something physical--a broken leg or whatever. 
Good luck with your treatment ! I've had therapy and medication for about 4 years now, and only just found a pill that really works for me. The problem is remembering to take it :wink: (Also, if you need anyone to just vent to, I'm here- that goes for anyone)

As far as the main topic, suicide, I think it's inadvertently selfish? Selfish in the fact that they're taking their lives because they want to, and not thinking about how it affects those around them. But, in my case, it was more like I couldn't take being a burden on those around me, because depression had warped my view of the world so much. Just another perspective to think about. I've never really talked about it to my friends or anything, but I tend to be a bit bolder on the internet


----------



## Spotted Image (Aug 10, 2011)

Suicide really hits home to me. Dec. 8 2012 I lost my little cousin to suicide, at age 13. He never once showed a sign of depression to any one. He was always the person to cheer others up. Over n year later and we still have no reasoning as to why he hung hisself, other than for some reason he was unhappy. Not only did my cousin kill his self, my mother has had failed attempts. She was very suicidal for two years, really nothing was helping her until my cousin died. She saw the effects on the family, stepped up to being a mother and grandmother to my nieces and nephews. Since then she has only felt suicidal once, that we are award of, but she did talk to someone who talked to out of it. But we have been like 8 months free of her being suicidal. Sometimes it's still hard without my cousin, his brothers stopped playing football, and football is hard to watch because him and his oldest brother lived for football.


----------



## AnimalFarm2006 (Aug 6, 2010)

Suicide is something that hit me full force back in 2009. I was just getting ready to start my new/last year in high school. It was august and I was still in that sleep all day, stay up all night phase of the summer. I slept all day. I didn't hear the gun go off. I woke up at five and like every other Wednesday was asking my mother if she, grandfather, and dad wanted to go out. She told me to ask grandpa. I remember going out to the porch and seeing his radio playing, his newspaper folded perfectly on the swinging chair, as if he just got up to go to the restroom. 

I watched my father come home at the same moment I was looking for gramps and he was the one who went into the garage to stumble upon my grandfathers body. He had used a gun. Had had the gun for a year with no one ever telling us. He did leave a letter....but it didnt make sense. I couldnt go into the garage for months. I took over his room and years later, one time while pulling the carpet out....I found a bullet. I found where he stored and hid his stuff for his suicide.

I grew up that day. Going to high school the following month was...well...I was just different. Everybody saw it. Now, I am not as scared for "missing" family members. If my dad comes home late, He was just held up at work. If my moms out all night, shes having fun with her freinds.


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

powerful stuff here. can't really "like" it , as it seems inappropriate. lets say, I would hit the "respect" button, if one were there.


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

thoroughbreddd said:


> Suicide is in absolutely no way selfish. It isn't a cowardly thing to do and you can't just get over it. As someone who has suffered with severe depression and being suicidal for a large portion of my life, I can tell you it isn't something you can control. I didn't decide I wanted to be this way and I would never wish it upon my worst enemy. It feels like there's someone else in my head that I can't get rid of. I have tried to take my own life on multiple occasions, the most recent being last December. There was always a part of me that knew I wasn't thinking logically and tried to talk myself out of it but every time the voice in my head would come back and tell me there was no point to living anymore and no one would even notice if I was missing. Luckily there was always someone there to stop me.
> 
> The first time I tried taking my life in middle school I stayed home after telling my parents I felt sick. My dad was at work and my mom was at a doctors appointment. My sister happened to come home to pick up a paper she forgot and found me and was able to talk me out of it. She took me to the ER where I was "treated". The doctors treated me like I was an alien. They didn't know how to act around me which made me feel even more isolated. The most recent time (last December) my best friend called me because she had a feeling that something was wrong. She stayed on the phone with me all night and listened to me cry and complain. I had never told her I was suicidal and still haven't but I'm sure she's figured it out.
> 
> ...


I stand by my post and as a mental health professional will state again suicide is a selfish act. The person is only thinking of themselves not their loved ones they leave behind. No concern for their grief.
If someone has a terminal illness then it is not selfish . I have known several AIDS patients that took their own lives at the end to spare their loved ones the pain of watching them die a lingering death.

I attempted suicide and woke up in the hospital. I took 30 sleeping pills and drank a glass of wine. As someone who is HIV positive for 30 years I was tired of seeing my friends die. I also repressed the anger from the sexual assualt that infected me.
I only wanted MY pain to end.
I had no concern for anyone else. Not even my children. I lived and for months was angry that I did survive. 

I attended a lecture on suicide by a psychologist that interviewed people who had survived suicide attempts. One man jumped off a highrise building and survived. He said that once he jumped he realized that his problems were not that bad and as he fell he regretted jumping.

I truly believe that the stigma and shame surrounding mental health is one of the leading reasons some people choose to take their own lives. Shalom


----------



## EquineObsessed (May 24, 2013)

I have never lost anyone to suicide, but my father has attempted it more than once. He has bipolar disorder and suffers from depression. He is doing well now, once he started riding and got into Cowboy Mounted Shooting, however I do get nervous when he jokes about killing himself, because I know he has thought about it, though not for a few years. I actually walked in on him walking through a sandpit with a gun when I was fifteen.

I cannot speak for other's situations, but for my situation, I absolutely believe that suicide is selfish. For a father to be willing to put his children, his wife, his family though that kind of pain, nevermind a very unsecure future, is disgusting to me. I'm not angry anymore, but in my personal opinion, suicide is never okay. Obviously, there are people that disagree and that is fine. It is a personal, and touchy subject for so many people, and I grieve for those who lost lives and loved ones due to suicide.


----------



## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

No parent should "joke" about suicide in the presence of their children. its cruel.


----------



## KatieMae (Mar 7, 2013)

One of my childhood best friends shot herself January of 2013. Her mother and my mother have been sister-close for thirty five years, and while I'm still wading through my own response to it, I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she has put people through. 

I understand that she wasn't in a good place when she made the decision to kill herself-- that's obvious. But neither did she seek help. And that's part of why I also view it as such a selfish act. I'm still struggling because I want to understand what she was going through and I CAN'T. I DON'T understand how her two year old daughter wasn't enough of a tether to this earth. I DON'T understand how she could do this to her husband, parents, friends. 

I feel like I've been cheated out of so many experiences that we were always supposed to share -- her wedding that summer, my wedding, our children growing up together, and I don't know how to forgive her for that. I don't know how to forgive the fact that her choice has destroyed relationships of those she left behind. 

I miss her, but I'm angry with her. I understand that things must have been horrible for her to choose this, but I can't forgive her yet. I guess even fifteen months later I'm still kind of a mess over it.


----------



## EquineObsessed (May 24, 2013)

I completely agree. My dad is who he is, and was never the world's greatest parent. Without my mom, I don't know who I would be at this point in my life. I don't think I would like that version of myself. But the thing is, I wouldn't change one aspect of my life. There are things I learned way too young, and things I shouldn't have had to hear and see. But those things made me into who I am and where I am, and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. I will never defend my father's actions, and he knows how I feel about them- but I got to choose how they affected me, and I think that I chose right.


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

KatieMae said:


> One of my childhood best friends shot herself January of 2013. Her mother and my mother have been sister-close for thirty five years, and while I'm still wading through my own response to it, I don't think I will ever forgive her for what she has put people through.
> 
> I understand that she wasn't in a good place when she made the decision to kill herself-- that's obvious. But neither did she seek help. And that's part of why I also view it as such a selfish act. I'm still struggling because I want to understand what she was going through and I CAN'T. I DON'T understand how her two year old daughter wasn't enough of a tether to this earth. I DON'T understand how she could do this to her husband, parents, friends.
> 
> ...


This is how suicide affects the loved ones left behind. Not only do those left behind deal with guilt and loss but they also have anger to deal with.
We will never know why someone took their own life. Only they fully understood the reasoning behind such a drastic decision. 
We can only accept the fact they are no longer with us. After they are gone it is too late to ask why or how this could have been prevented. Shalom


----------



## thoroughbreddd (Jul 11, 2013)

"The pejorative, disrespectful, and ignorant statements that we are assaulted with concerning suicide angels are in abundance…and are disquieting to cope with on a daily basis.

You’ve heard them many times, statements about suicide being “a sin,” “a crime,” “an act of self-murder,” etc. Well, let me address one more ignorant statement – that suicide is a “selfish” act.

WRONG.

Suicide is a desperate act by someone who is in intense pain and wants their pain to stop. That is a HUMAN response to extreme pain, not a selfish one. And over 90 percent of the people who die by suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death, so they are not thinking clearly.

Saying that a person who had severe clinical depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, PTSD, or a similar illness was engaging in an act of selfishness when they died by suicide – even though their thought process, mood, and judgment were greatly affected by their mental illness – is not only inaccurate, but downright cruel, to both the suicide angel and the suicide survivors.

And those who use the word “selfish” are merely helping perpetuate the STIGMA associated with suicide.

A suicidal action that manifests from intense, excruciating, unbearable pain associated with a serious mental illness has nothing to do with selfishness. Period." - Kevin Caruso

I agree with this 100%! Everyone has a right to their own opinion and I understand where people are coming from when they think suicide is selfish. Every situation is different and in some cases it may be selfish but I believe in most cases it is not. 

When I first became suicidal in middle school my mother was a drug addict (prescription narcotics) and my dad was off having an affair with another woman. My mom was never really there for me when I needed her because she was too focused on where she was going to get her next pill. My dad was never home because of his job and when he was home he was with the other woman. I was the one who found him sneaking around with her and that caused me a tremendous amount of pain and stress. I had to tell my mom, which I felt horrible about doing, and watched her destroy her life even more. I had to step up and become the main adult (even though I was only 11 or 12) figure in my house because no one else could. I made breakfast, lunches, and dinner. I washed all the laundry and cleaned the house. I made sure everyone had rides to and from activities and was at school on time. With all of that I was also in a very stressful private school where I was being bullied. When my mom was arrested and had to go to drug rehab the bullying got worse. I became severely depressed but the thing that kept me going was the fact that I had to take care of my brothers and sisters. At one point it became too much for me to handle and I knew that something drastic had to happen for my parents to finally change and become the parents I knew they could be and once were. When I was thinking about committing suicide I was thinking about my own pain but also wanted my parents to realize what they were doing and how they were destroying our family. I hoped that if I was gone my parents would snap out of it and would be there for my siblings. I still struggle with depression and PTSD from this and doubt I will ever fully recover.

Sorry that's so long!!


----------



## Corazon Lock (Dec 26, 2011)

I can see both sides of it. But selfish is such a strong word. I don't think people who commit suicide are PURPOSELY selfish. When you have suicidal thoughts, you don't think about the other people because you are just in so much internal pain. And while, yes, it is bad to not consider how your actions affect others, most of these people suffer from mental illness, which totally stops you from thinking rationally. 

^^That's why you can't completely call it selfish. Because mental illness causes you to have irrational thoughts. Had these people not suffered from mental illness, it would have been more likely they would have considered others before killing themselves.

I think we need to educate people on the seriousness of mental illness and suicide. I believe people are afraid to get help because others are so judgmental about mental illness. I'd much rather have a physical problem. 

I want to warn you all, too, to be careful about how you word your opinions about suicide on here. Like I said, selfish is a strong word, and while I can see where all these opinions are coming from, a mentally ill person happening on this thread or hearing your opinion in real life may feel even worse about themselves if they have either tried to commit or have thought about it and they are told they were being selfish. 

Let's replace the word selfish with something that stings less. Remember, there's two sides to everything. Suicide isn't black and white. Let's call it...a rash decision.


----------



## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

Interesting. I have no real knowledge when it comes to suicide, but I find what thoroughbred wrote - compelling. I mean, it is said that (and I do not know if it is true) a scorpion will kill itself if surrounded by fire. Maybe, maybe not - but it would make sense. Whether real or imagined, if an animal or person thinks their is no escape - I don't necessarily see it as a selfish act to commit suicide, although I would probably want to judge it on a case by case basis. 

I just don't think all suicides can be prevented, but I do think society as a whole has some odd unwritten rule to not talk about a mental illness which I think contributes to the number of "preventable" suicides. I once got anxiety which was induced by the environment I was in, I left and it ended. At the time I did not know what anxiety was - my family treats any mention of mental struggles like the plague (as does society) - so it is hardly shocking that didn't know what it was. I was extremely shocked, however, to find out how common it is. That was just to exemplify the disparity between the reality of how common mental disorders are among humans, and the way they are treated as non-existent/unspeakable by society. I can't really imagine what it would be like to be severely depressed in a society and a family that only excepts "perky". I wouldn't judge the person for taking the wrong option, though. I think there would be a lot of "if I had just" thoughts among the loved ones left behind, which would be truly torturous and horrible.


----------



## dbarabians (May 21, 2011)

Thoroughbredd, sorry if I spelt your name incorrectly, your statement about calling suicide selfish IS ignorant and not based in fact.
I have a PHD in psychology and have been a therapist for over 30 years.
Refusing to see the act for what it is IMPO also adds to the stigma surrounding suicide.
How many people have you counseled that have contemplated or attempted suicide? I have treated hundreds in my career.
Depression and other mental illnesses are not an excuse to commit suicide. I understand the pain and hopelessness some feel. Choosing to take your own life instead of seeking or actively participating in their treatment is the easy way out. There is always hope even if you do not see it your self. Everyone is loved by someone. People do care. Others will mourn .
Most of those I have treated that attempted suicide never realized this until someone pointed it out to them.
I agree with other things in your post and can sense your frustration.
You are highly intelligent that is apparent and I commend you for it.
I am also glad that you have shared your personal story with us. That takes courage.
I wish others were as passionate and informed as you are. MY job would be much easier.
You are a great advocate for mental health issues.
Our society needs to be educated about mental illness. 1 in 4 people will be treated in their lifetimes for some mental illness. I personally believe that number is higher. Shalom


----------



## HeroMyOttb (Dec 28, 2009)

I lost my brother to suicide in July of 2013.

It was rather unexpected. Days before he did it, he was very happy, and going on about his two jobs and getting his life on track. On that sad day in July he contacted my mother about his issues that we all knew he had, my mother responded to his text message about 30 minutes after he sent it. Asking him if he was alright. My brother never responded. My brother also called my father after he texted my mother. My father was at work and did not answer. My father called back later but got no response. At the time we thought he was at his job. We didn't know that his work was on shut down for the week for repairs. Then I got the call at 5pm while at work that my brother was found with a gun shot wound to the head and was being rush to the hospital. No air care because of a storm coming.

Ultimately the gun wound was fatal, but his organs were able to donate. My family are advocates for suicide prevention and organ donation. This past two weekend we've had events for organ donation. The one two weeks ago my sister spoke at and told my brothers unique story.

Suicide is no way selfish or cowardly. There just comes a point where the person sees no way to get rid of their pain and they feel as if they are a burden on the rest of the family. As sad as it is, they are brave to take their own life not knowing what is on the other side. I could not do that. 

The stigma on suicide and mental illness needs to be stopped. So people can be helped. I have depression, aniexty and (going to be tested for) bipolar disorder. And I will come out right away saying I have those illnesses because it needs to be known.


----------



## michaelvanessa (Apr 25, 2012)

*loss of a love one.*

well heres the shought of it.
vanessa drifted away and wanted to sell tammy she did.
i kept in touch on the phone and most of the time her perence said she will call back she never.
when i first met her she was skin and bone my hart went out to her.
we had a super relation ship for 4 loveley years.
i receved a phone call from her mum she said thank god i have found you its vanessa she is in hospital.
so we went round and she was on lifesupport and she took an overdose and was found on the couch the next morning but the dammage was done.
she lasted 14 days on life suport and i was there when the decition was made to swich the machine off.
she died.
i was beside my self i blame my self saying if i knew i would have stopped her.
vanessa was cremated and i was deepley thinking about killing my self but that has passed at the moment.
i would do it alone away from work with an overdose as well.
i get depressed but i bounce back its like noughing around you matters your on autopilot so to speak.
i went the same way as well i was anarexic and my weight plummeted.
i was round a frends house for 6 months on rehab as my mum did not know what to do.
i said to my barn owner we are like fammaly after tricky is gone im going she said im not and sold me quincy with my arm up my back.
i lost tammy 2 years ago and i came to the end of the road and its though it was pitch black infront of me there is nouthing i turned the horses out and i needed to be alone.
its16 years since vanessa has passed and its just as painfull now as it was the first time a saw her.
how i feel now im ok untill the next time i sink again i think what was ifs buts but i try to keep her alive for my own well being.
i have boxes packed away for her with tons of stuff for her i keep hopeing she will walk through the door.
this is a story skimmed to the bone.


----------



## CajunQueen (Oct 3, 2013)

In 2004, the night before my first day of high school my mother tried to commit suicide by overdosing on pills after finding out my father had been cheating on her. My father dealt with alcoholism and I was watching my family fall apart right in front of my eyes. I went to school the next day numb, absolutely numb. My mother was fine as they pumped her stomach. I went to visit her after school, she was pale. She looked at my brother and me and just teared up and said "I'm sorry." My parents struggled with their relationship while I was in high school but eventually my dad sought help and has now been sober for almost 10 years, they are still together and closer than ever. I hated each day of high school as I dealt with family issues as well as being bullied. I have been dealing with depression since I was probably about 13 and I am medicated. On very hard days I have thoughts of suicide wondering what it would be like if I wasn't here but I remember my mother and the look on her face when she told me sorry and it snaps me out of it every time. I love that woman more than you know.


----------

