# Is My Horse Too Much For Me? :(



## ilyTango (Mar 7, 2010)

Oh boy. I thought I was doing relatively well with my horse...until I read the "Playing the Hero" thread. Now...I honestly don't know! It's coming up on a year since I've had my horse, and she still doesn't take the bit well, and I still don't feel in absolute control of her when I ride. Is it just me? I'm a natural worrier, but I don't know if this will improve with time and gained experience...or not. 

If I ever mention to my dad that I'm not experienced enough to be riding her he just gets angry and tells me I'm doubting myself and that she's fine. 

I mean, just to clear things up, it's not your typical situation of the horse bucking and rearing, or lunging at and biting me, or anything like that...we're just...not exactly on the same level. No matter what I think about it, I then feel weird, because I either might genuinely not be good enough, or I might just be wallowing in self-pity and constantly putting myself down. How does this sound to you? Do I just need to smarten up and stop feeling sorry for myself, or does it seem like not a good partnership for a first-time horse?


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

If you don't feel safe while you are on her, then yes - she is too much for you right now. That doesn't mean you can't get to the point of being comfortable, but you aren't going to get there without some help. Is anyone helping you with your riding? If not, I would suggest looking into working with someone (professional) to help the two of you find your footing together.


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## horselover1428 (Apr 12, 2010)

i fell the same way on some days!! and my dad tells me the same way. I think it is okay as long as your horse isn't being impossible or forcing you to give up because you cant get anywhere. I know my horse is more trained then I am but I am constantly learning from people around me. I think it would be a good idea for someone that you know that knows horses came and watched you with your horse and have them give their opinion. My horse listens to my brother better then me so it could be your confidence, lack of authority, or your horse takes better to men or something.


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## Heatherloveslottie (Apr 12, 2010)

Hey, just to let you know you're not alone! I used to feel like this with my horse lottie- I fell and it really knocked my confidence, I felt like I couldn't fully trust her, it felt like a power struggle all the time and she always avoided accepting the bit.
But we've been improving over time, the best advice I can give is just to try and bond with your horse when you're not riding, so you feel like you can trust them a lot more. Apart from that I didnt really do anything to try and improve it, I just carried on as normal, and after a while I noticed that she'd been a lot more accepting. Over time your horse will respect you and you'll feel more like a team 

Hope you get on ok, pm me if you need anything  xxx


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## ilyTango (Mar 7, 2010)

Thanks all...I'm just kind of confused, and I also feel guilty that I was bought a horse that I'm unsure about. It's not that I'm afraid or don't trust her...I just don't feel like I am able to make her do what I want, when I want all the time when riding, and that can get dangerous in certain situations. I do take lessons once a week from an instructor who also tells me I'm fine, but she also only sees me once a week, and doesn't have a full view of our ups and downs.

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in this, and I just had a really good ride on her [tonight], which also heartened me. Thanks again everyone. I'm going to keep trying and working and (hopefully) get better riding. I think what I needed was just a confidence boost.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

ilyTango said:


> Oh boy. I thought I was doing relatively well with my horse...*until I read the "Playing the Hero" thread. *Now...I honestly don't know! It's coming up on a year since I've had my horse, and she still doesn't take the bit well, and I still don't feel in absolute control of her when I ride. Is it just me? I'm a natural worrier, but I don't know if this will improve with time and gained experience...or not.


Yes, I must say this thread sounds discouraging. I mean, many of us have problems with horses so what? If you feel confident enough and is not afraid of your horse then you are not playing hero, you just work and learn.


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## IllComeALopin (Apr 6, 2010)

And just remember... if you ALWAYS ride horses that are at your level you will hit a point where you can't move forward until you ride somthing 'harder'.

You only 'ride' a horse for the first few times your on it, from then on regardless of what your doing your 'training' the horse, not going or a ride. :wink:


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## RoadRider / Rios Dad (Jul 2, 2009)

Riding a horse is not a necessity?? We do not need horses in our lives contrary to what alot think. It is a hobby, nothing more and if you are not enjoying the hobby or the horse get out of it or get another horse. 
One that you enjoy. You don't have to be trying to improve yourself or your riding, again it is not necessary.
Only you can decided if it is worth it.
If I was afraid to ride my boy I wouldn't do it.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Very well said Riosdad. If riding is your hobby, not your livelihood (that would put you into an entirely different catagory), than yes, ride what you feel safe on and enjoy. There is no shame in admitting that you do not enjoy/feel safe riding the horse you currently have. As both my farrier and vet have said, there are many good horses out there.

Good luck to you.


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## Rule of Reason (Feb 11, 2010)

ilyTango said:


> Oh boy. I thought I was doing relatively well with my horse...until I read the "Playing the Hero" thread. Now...I honestly don't know! It's coming up on a year since I've had my horse, and she still doesn't take the bit well, and I still don't feel in absolute control of her when I ride. Is it just me? I'm a natural worrier, but I don't know if this will improve with time and gained experience...or not.
> 
> If I ever mention to my dad that I'm not experienced enough to be riding her he just gets angry and tells me I'm doubting myself and that she's fine.
> 
> I mean, just to clear things up, it's not your typical situation of the horse bucking and rearing, or lunging at and biting me, or anything like that...we're just...not exactly on the same level. No matter what I think about it, I then feel weird, because I either might genuinely not be good enough, or I might just be wallowing in self-pity and constantly putting myself down. How does this sound to you? Do I just need to smarten up and stop feeling sorry for myself, or does it seem like not a good partnership for a first-time horse?


Yep, you sound like a natural worrier to me. If you're not feeling unsafe, just "worried" and "guilty" and "constantly putting yourself down," then look up Jane Savoie's book, That Winning Feeling.

You've got a lot going for you. You're smart (or you wouldn't know enough to worry), you've got an instructor who sounds supportive and good, and even your father in his own way is trying to tell you to lighten up a little and enjoy riding. You aren't a perfectionist by any chance, are you? (Ask me how I know.)


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

RiosDad said:


> Riding a horse is not a necessity??


I'd say it's a luxury (unless you do it for living).


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## ilyTango (Mar 7, 2010)

Rule of Reason: you got me. Not only do I worry, I am a terrible perfectionist. Lol. I guess which is the reason I want to be in total control all the time.

I am feeling quite a bit better...my horse constantly tries to get fast on me, but the most amazing thing happened: I think it's because she's bored. Wait for my reason: I had lessons yesterday, and as usual she's difficult and fast in the arena. My instructor went out on a trail ride with me afterwards, and the change in Tango was nothing short of a miracle. She didn't put in a single wrong step. She didn't spook at anything. Her gaits were totally controlled and just as fast as I told her to go. Even if the other horse trotted away she waited for me to tell her to go on and trot after them. She was perfect in every single way. Is this normal? I mean, most horses are alert and sort of spooky in a new environment, especially on the trails, and are calm and comfortable in a familiar place. Tango is the exact opposite. She's a really smart horse, and is very bored in the arena, so trails are a lot more her thing-she always has something to see and new challenges to face (and I can't say arena riding interests me that much either). The first few times I got her out this year at home she was really well-behaved, and only recently has started getting difficult. I'm thinking this is because she got bored here, covering the same areas over and over (naturally, when she's bored she makes fun for herself-which includes getting fast and misbehaving). I'm happy she is a good trail horse though, because trails are mainly what I hope to do with her..


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## JustDressageIt (Oct 4, 2007)

kitten_Val said:


> Yes, I must say this thread sounds discouraging. I mean, many of us have problems with horses so what? If you feel confident enough and is not afraid of your horse then you are not playing hero, you just work and learn.


I never meant the thread to be discouraging. I simply wanted to point out that sometimes it's better for the horse and you to find different partners. Too many people stick with a horse that is beyond their level, and end up either hurt or burnt out. 
There are many times that you SHOULD stick it out, and I addressed that in the thread; if a person has the means to overcome the disparity between knowledge level and the horse, absolutely stick with it -- but sticking with a horse should not come first to mental or physical wellbeing. 
That's my thread in a nutshell.


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## SorrelHorse (Apr 9, 2009)

I think if she is honestly showing worrying behavior, then she is probably too much. If you have trouble keeping her under control or if you are scared riding her, then she is too much.

However, if you are just jumping at every little movement then its probably you making her too spunky or too hot for you. Just remember that everyone goes through it and no matter what you'll be fine and try to take a slow, relaxing ride without worries and see if you feel better.


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## iridehorses (Oct 22, 2007)

Not every horse is good at everything. Your horse may simply enjoy the variety of the trail and despise the boredom of arena work. Her boredom causes misbehavior which translates to anxiety in you. Your horse feels that which escalates to more erratic behavior.

Bottom line is to either find a horse that more enjoys the type of riding you prefer or learn to like the type of riding your horse prefers. The alternative is keep your present horse but mix up the riding so that she gets to do what both of you like.


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## PechosGoldenChance (Aug 23, 2009)

Here's what I think...she's not the bucking, rearing, biting or otherwise aggressive type right? What I'm getting from what you wrote is that she's basically too hot and you get scared. What happens than, is she can feel your body tensing up, shaking, and knows that you are not confident in what you are doing, therefore, that's why she's acting up and doing things she wants to do. It's hard to calm yourself down when she starts speeding up, I know. You just have to have confidence in yourself. You are the boss of her, you make the decisions to keep both you and her safe. So what if she doesn't like it, make her do it. Use every aid you have to slow her down. Sit real deep in the saddle, half halt her constantly say "easy". Put as much weight in the back of the saddle as possible, as if you are trying to stop/slow her down with your body. Do some figure 8's at the walk. Do some serpentines. Do all of sorts of circles and patterns at the walk and only start to trot when you feel comfortable. I can post some patterns and pictures of them in another post, I think this one is getting a little too long.


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## PechosGoldenChance (Aug 23, 2009)

Ok, well, here is a website. Now remember, some of the pictures will tell you to either canter, or trot. WALK all of them, and only trot/canter when you feel completely 100% comfortable. This is also good so she doesn't get bored just walking around the arena. Also teaches her how to give to the bit, move away from pressure, and get collected, and most importantly...LISTEN TO YOU! 

Equitation Practice Patterns


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## ilyTango (Mar 7, 2010)

I don't jump at everything, and neither does she...we did manage to overcome that, though we had one really terrible ride back in December...I also have been working really hard on sitting deep and relaxed, because before whenever we'd trot I'd naturally lean slightly forwards and flex up. I'm pretty comfortable sitting deep now.. 

Anyways, I just came in from riding her again, and today I tested my theory on her misbehaviour coming from being bored. I set up a pattern of objects that we can weave through a while ago, and we've done it so many times that she's terrible doing it now. So then I took her around the pond, back around our raspberry patch and for the first time rode her over the little narrow bridge, and she was totally chill because she's never been there before. Then, of course, we head back to familiar territory and she starts to act up again. 

Whenever she gets frustrated, or I make her do something she doesn't want to do (particularly stand still while facing the direction of the barn) she shakes her head and tries to dance and move off, or sometimes back up. Right now I just ignore her head shaking (because that's what I've always been told to do) and stop her again and make her stand until I give her a squeeze to go on. Is that correct? Hopefully she'll eventually learn she has no choice but to stand. 

*Oh, yeah, and then after I tell her to move off after a spell in which she didn't want to stand, she walks off really fast, and I can hardly slow her down. She doesn't trot or run, just walks very fast. Any ideas how to deal with that?


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

JustDressageIt said:


> I never meant the thread to be discouraging. I simply wanted to point out that sometimes it's better for the horse and you to find different partners. Too many people stick with a horse that is beyond their level, and end up either hurt or burnt out.
> There are many times that you SHOULD stick it out, and I addressed that in the thread; if a person has the means to overcome the disparity between knowledge level and the horse, absolutely stick with it -- but sticking with a horse should not come first to mental or physical wellbeing.
> That's my thread in a nutshell.


_*JDI, I never thought you tried to make it discouraging. *_
And in fact I agree with lots of it. But there is a very shadow line between "things are not going quite right and I just need more time (and help)" and "playing a hero". Some responses in your thread look discouraging (especially for the people with not so much experience). 

Some people take in horses, which are too much for them, and yes it takes more time for them to teach a horse something, but they still can and do achieve what they want. Is it true for everyone? Of course not! But some people don't give up not because they "play hero", but because they see the potential in horse, or whatever other reasons (and I do think sometime it's something, which deserves respect). It's another can of worms, that's why I didn't respond in your thread. :lol:


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## RadHenry09 (Mar 22, 2009)

PechosGoldenChance said:


> Ok, well, here is a website. Now remember, some of the pictures will tell you to either canter, or trot. WALK all of them, and only trot/canter when you feel completely 100% comfortable. This is also good so she doesn't get bored just walking around the arena. Also teaches her how to give to the bit, move away from pressure, and get collected, and most importantly...LISTEN TO YOU!
> 
> Equitation Practice Patterns


 
Thank you for posting the website to those. I was just thinking about that today while I was riding. 
I do agree with you on mixing things up while riding, I have found that when one of my horses start to get looky if I start to put them in a pattern it is enough to get them focusing back on me. This works especially well for my Mustang.


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