# I don't feel a bond with my horse



## tzoidbk (Nov 26, 2013)

I feel like my horse hates me. I don't really know why I feel this way but I do. I feel like he doesn't really want to be around me. It's driving me crazy. I just want to be able to have my horse love and care for me as much as I do for him.
Bonding tips?

I feel unloved and everyone on Instagram is posting liberty pics with perfect bonds. And Im just like... "Eh, my horse would never do that"


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## Lexiie (Nov 14, 2011)

I don't do liberty or anything, but my mare is a bit standoffish. She's not super cuddly or nosy, but she knows me.
I can touch her face, do whatever I want to her, but she won't put up with it when other people do it.
It took my girl two years to have full trust in me and allow me to do what I wanted.

How long have you had your boy for?

As for tips on bonding, don't worry so much about teaching him to bond. Just spend time with him, brush him, play around, ring work, trails, or whatever you feel like doing.


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## PunksTank (Jul 8, 2012)

What do you currently do with your horse? Do you spend any time with him that isn't on his back? Or even time with him on his back but doing something _he_ wants? Does your horse get anything out of a relationship with you besides food and a roof over his head in trade for his work?


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## hemms (Apr 18, 2012)

Groundwork and activity miles build bonds. You don't mention how long you've had him. It took me a good year to really get to know any of my three horses and just in my third year have I truly started to bond with my current boy. I don't have the time now that I did with my first horse... I finally sold her because she never did like me, even after more than 4000 logged trail miles. Turns out she loved men. Go figure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ninamebo (May 25, 2013)




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## katlynsizemore98 (Jan 5, 2013)

I feel the same way about my mare I feel like she has mixed feelings about me she loves me sometimes and sometimes she hates me it feels like.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

Guys, just because a horse isn't all lovey-dovey doesn't mean that there isn't a bond. Some horses just don't have it in them to be that way.

Part of being a horseman is learning how to adjust your own desires and needs to what the horse is willing and able to do/give. If you want a lovey-dovey horse but your horse isn't a lovey-dovey personality, then the more time you spend with him trying to _make _him that way is going to make him sour and resentful of your presence.

How does your horse behave toward you? Is he respectful and obedient? Willing? Does he do what you want but is sluggish about it? Is he resistant to the point that you have to _make _him do what you want?


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## Boo Walker (Jul 25, 2012)

Not every horse is going to "love" you the way you love him (they're not dogs after all). I've had my guy for 3 years now and just a few weeks ago he started actively seeking attention from me. Before that he could care less and other than grooming, didn't seem to care when I scratched behind his ears or gave him a hug and sniffed that wonderful horse smell. He's never going to be as cuddly as my husbands horse, but we have our own kind of love affair~


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Horses don't love like people do. Horses don't love like dogs do. Dogs have been selectively bred for thousands of years to love humans - not so with horses.

Some horses are expressive, some aren't. 

If you want a better relationship with your horse you have to try to build one. Even then be still may never be expressive. Also, don't confuse training with a bond. Liberty training is training. Training is what you work with. Training is what you ride. Try spending more non riding time together. Groundwork, take walks, just hang out. Sometimes I just stand in my horse's stall playing on my phone while he eats. When I first got him he didn't care, now every so often he will touch his nose to me and keep eating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

> Guys, just because a horse isn't all lovey-dovey doesn't mean that there isn't a bond. Some horses just don't have it in them to be that way.
> 
> Part of being a horseman is learning how to adjust your own desires and needs to what the horse is willing and able to do/give. If you want a lovey-dovey horse but your horse isn't a lovey-dovey personality, then the more time you spend with him trying to _make _him that way is going to make him sour and resentful of your presence.
> 
> How does your horse behave toward you? Is he respectful and obedient? Willing? Does he do what you want but is sluggish about it? Is he resistant to the point that you have to _make _him do what you want?


 I want to double like this.

_Imagine being a person that is fairly matter-of-fact. great person, but not the lovey, touchy type. They want to spend time with their friends, but would rather be doing an activity. Not big on small talk. Then say they get paired up with a bubbly person that wants to hug and hang off them constantly. always wants to be talking and their favorite thing to do is hang out together, not getting much done._

_see how this would not end well? The first person would be annoyed at the touchy-feely person that was wasting time, and babbling away about nothing constantly. The bubbly person would feel unliked, because a)they were not reciprocating the way they chose to express themselves and b) the other person was now seriously annoyed and avoiding them._

this is how most(particularly young, and/or beginner) recreational horse people start out. If you don't have a naturally touchy-feely, in your pocket type horse, trying to force your good, honest horse into that mold will only frustrate you and seriously annoy your horse. Learn to respect what your horse is, and love the type of personality it has, instead of hoping for the magical, lovey-dovey Disney bond. 

My mare, and one of my favorite horses that my BO owns, are of the "lets get to work!" type. Don't want pets, love, hugs or praises, they want to be able to get to work and do their job, that's what they love and get satisfaction from. I personally adore this type of horse, and don't expect any thing else from them. My filly Pickles, is the lovey type, who could stand there all day surrounded by little girls brushing, braiding, and covering her in pink sparkles. And you know what? That's OK too.


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## Cinnys Whinny (Apr 10, 2010)

It took me a little over a year to really have a good bond with Cinny. And yet sometimes still I feel like we are both on different wavelengths. I would try to figure out some things he really likes. Are there places that he really LOVES to be scratched? Also doing things that don't necessarily pertain to riding can help. Going for a hand walk, if you still have grass sit and read a book while he grazes. Find ways to "be part of the herd" so to speak. Herd members hang out together, but they don't necessarily nuzzle each other 24/7. But sometimes ACTING like a herd member by just hanging around in the turnout, or even on a stool in his stall with a book can make a difference. Pretty soon he will be coming to you with curiosity as to what YOU are doing


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## Clava (Nov 9, 2010)

A bond to me means I know my horse's buttons and she knows mine and she respects me as her leader. My TB is a grumpy soul and shows no affection, but when ridden we can read each other like a book.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

I can't stand all this "liberty" nonsense on instagram. Especially all the yoga on horse back, laying under your horse, hanging on their necks. It's a 1,000 lbs animal with a brain and feelings who could kill you, not a jungle gym or a stuffed animal...HELLO! 

Ignore the nay sayers... It's the internet. 

Like the others said, some horses will never be the cuddly, in-your-face, types. If you want to improve your relationship with your horse do things he is going to looks forward to (like hand grazing, grooming or walks if he likes any of those) and ground work to improve your leadership skills. Lunging and other ground work exercises (moving his hip, leading over grass, backing, teaching the horse to "come here", etc) can help establish yourself as his leader.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cielo Notturno (Sep 12, 2013)

Hi, I think you are confusing showing affection with training. 

A horse that does incredible things is a well trained horse. Yours would probably do it too if you knew how to train him for it. 

Cuddly horses are usually cuddly with everyone, from moment one, strangers and all. I have this kind of horse. I think we have a good relationship, but in truth he loves to be petted and cuddled by anyone. 

Some horses don't like to be petted and they don't look at you like you are the best thing ever. They won't change, like ever. They can behave well, tolerate you, relax in your presence, but that's the end of it. If you have one of those horses, he doesn't really hate you, he just doesn't like interaction with humans. 

Always remember that horses don't think like us, and they don't read our mind. Your horse *doesn't know* that you would like him to be cuddly, or to do the stuff you see on instagram. You can teach him to do some of the stuff, and accept that he'll never do other things. 

If you want a super affectionate horse... buy one. If you want to go bareback, bridle-less, learn to ride bareback, teach the horse to answer to your body and not the reins. You don't need love to do those things, nor can love help if you don't have the balance to ride without saddle, or if the horse doesn't have a clue that you want him to go left/right/kneel/whatever. It's training.


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## Regula (Jan 23, 2012)

I agree. I've had dogs all my life, and when I got Leo as my first horse almost three years ago I thought "how much different can it be?". Way different.
Our perception is influenced by the stories of the little kid who tames a traumatized horse / wild stallion, who consequently becomes the kids best and only friend. More recently also by the liberty and natural horsemanship videos that are everywhere.
Some horses just aren't like that. My gelding isn't particularly affectionate, either, he would prefer other equine company over mine anytime. But we've come a long way in respecting each other since we started working.
I think the most important thing is to keep an open mind, be grateful for the things the horse DOES offer, and constantly improve the working relationship, rather than go after some internet/movie ideal that might never happen.
For cuddling on the couch, I still have my dogs .


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## MyBoySi (Dec 1, 2011)

My sisters mare is the exact opposite of lovey. She hates to be petted and any unnecessary touching and seems to get irritated when people baby talk her and try to give her extra attention. In the saddle tho there was never a more attentive mount, she's soft and willing and takes care of her rider. 

Some horses just don't like the extra attention, I don't think it has anything to do with a 'bond'


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## Golden Horse (Feb 20, 2010)

Regula said:


> But we've come a long way in respecting each other since we started working.
> .


This is important.

When I first got Gibbs I didn't actually like him much, but as we have worked together, I have come to respect him, he has learned to respect me, and we are now 'bonding' by that I mean I like him, and he puts up with me.


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## bsms (Dec 31, 2010)

My friend is a rancher in Utah. He once owned a horse (the sire of my Trooper) who was a mean horse. Hated people, tried to bite them, etc. He also loved to work the meanest & roughest cattle, and he seemed happy to be ridden 50 miles a day for several days running. But his rider needed to be careful to avoid being hurt.

After some years of use and thousands of miles, my friend realized the stallion hadn't tried to bite him in a long time. In fact, he seemed almost eager to go do work. And as always, the meaner the cattle, the happier the horse was. And no matter how hard you worked him, he would never give up.

BTW, Trooper was sired when the stallion broke down one fence and mated a purebred Arabian show mare thru another fence. :shock:

When old, the stallion had come to accept other riders, and could even be ridden in 4-H events, although he was never 'friendly'.

When the stallion finally died, my friend's kids gave him a picture of my friend riding the stallion, framed by hair from the stallion's tail. And if you ask him, he'll tell you he has already ridden the finest horse he will ever meet...:wink: Bonds come in different styles, sometimes. And some bonds come with time, miles, and a mutual understanding between two different species of animals.


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## smrobs (Jul 30, 2008)

LOL, my Dad's horse Pokey is 9 this year. We've had him since he was a yearling and he didn't start to "bond" with my Dad until this summer. He's a really touchy and antisocial horse. Doesn't like to be touched or handled or approached. If he doesn't know you, you have to be a _real_ horseman to even get him caught.

Always before, whoever was catching him would have to run him up into a small pen or trap him in a corner and be very cautious and slow to catch him. He would _tolerate_ human presence....barely. However, once he was caught and saddled and you were mounted and ready to go, he is a great horse. Obedient, responsive, willing, but a bit spooky.

Now, Dad can actually just walk up to him in the paddock and catch him. He's begun to seek out Dad if he's in the barn doing chores. He even surprised me the other day by coming to stand near me while I was filling his water tank (by near, I mean that he was within about 15 feet). He still doesn't like to be petted or brushed, but he tolerates it with minimal squirming. Before, he couldn't stand still while being brushed.

Sometimes it takes time to build a bond...and other times you have to redefine "bond" in your mind. To some horses, bond means spending time together and getting scratches in all his favorite spots. To other horses, bond means having a respectful and productive working relationship with no fuss and muss.


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## Walkamile (Dec 29, 2008)

Great story Bsms! 

Time, consistency, observation, respect, acceptance and trust are all part of developing a relationship with a horse. At least in my experience.

My heart horse T was not an affectionate horse. She did her job and did what was asked, mostly with a good work attitude. Mostly because, being an opinionated mare there were moments when she gave hers. However, after a brief discussion would do as asked. She was calm, sane and loved her food!

It wasn't until many years after riding and then owning her that there was a slight change in her. She showed her trust and dare I say affection for me by putting her head flat on my chest. Normally T never wanted anything or one restraining or holding her head. Then she started to give me horse hugs by putting her head on my shoulder and leaning her head towards mine. This was huge! 

Walka however , is a love bug and prefers to be near/with me no matter what I'm doing. Food is not his motivator. Sadly, neither is work! So while he is quite affectionate, I'd prefer more work ethic like his mom's (T) and we are working and making progress in that direction. Work can be fun, and I have to keep everything interesting and yes, challenging for him.

Misty, my new addition is a riot to me. I do not like to pester a horse when they are "on their own time". After a short time though, she seems to be much like Walka in that she wants to be where I am (maybe I'm her security as she is a little tense in nature), but also has a wonderful work ethic! Joy oh Joy!

Of course I do not have any misgivings about my horses "loving" me. I believe they see me as a leader and security. These are very important to their safety to them. It's as it should be I think. If I want an animal that looks at me with adoration in it's eyes, I will get a dog. :wink:


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

Since I'm at a computer ATM, it's a little easier to share my training/bond story with my horse.

When I got my horse, he was a spazzing moron. It took over a year, and many, many shared experiences before he really started warming up to me. Don't get me wrong - he definitely liked me. He's food motivated and liked being engaged. He's a funny little Arab. But it wasn't until we established our roles (which he still tests every so often) and experienced things (some fun, some scary, some just weird) that he really started to come around. He'll call for me, he'll come running when he hears my truck (my car confuses him because a few boarders have little grey cars but he does perk up). If I don't see him for a day, he WHINNIES supper loudly and comes running and prances around me doing that Arabian neck thing as if to say ERMAGHERD WHERE WERE YOU?!?!?!?!1!!

But it wasn't always that way. We've gone through our share of difficulties, including a really odd trainer. We click well enough that people comment on it when we go places.

(Though I'm still a bit of a hot mess in the saddle, we're awesome in hand!)


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## jimmyp (Sep 5, 2013)

I dont feel like my horse and I need a puppy dog bond to get the job done. As long as my horse trusts me and works for me, I dont really care if it "loves" me.

I think people worry too much about expecting animals to show human like emotion or put too many human like attributes on what an animal does. 

Jim


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

Not all horses are going to be cuddle-bugs. 

My horse doesn't show much affection. He's pretty stoic, and doesn't have too much of a personality. But he come to me when I go to catch him, and there is a certain calmness about him. Even if he isn't all over me all the time, I still think he "loves" (whatever the entails for a horse xD *ahem* treat-bringer) me.


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## Palomine (Oct 30, 2010)

The whole "bonding" thing with horses is overworked and overrated to boot.

Many horses are not loving horses. They may like you just fine, but they are not dogs.

If horse does what is asked of it, and does that willingly, that is what you really want.


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## tzoidbk (Nov 26, 2013)

PunksTank said:


> What do you currently do with your horse? Do you spend any time with him that isn't on his back? Or even time with him on his back but doing something _he_ wants? Does your horse get anything out of a relationship with you besides food and a roof over his head in trade for his work?


I haven't rode him in three weeks because of his lameness. (Long story, but he's fine now. Just giving him a break for his feet) Anyways, we usually just go on trails or jump. We change it around a lot. I want to do liberty but we just switched barns and the lameness kicked in and ugh. But we're gonna start doing liberty like I was saying. Lol


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## tzoidbk (Nov 26, 2013)

jimmyp said:


> I dont feel like my horse and I need a puppy dog bond to get the job done. As long as my horse trusts me and works for me, I dont really care if it "loves" me.
> 
> I think people worry too much about expecting animals to show human like emotion or put too many human like attributes on what an animal does.
> 
> Jim


I get what you mean. But I would like to have a bond to my horse of where he will come to me in pasture when I want him and he is happy with life. Not a dead soul horse.


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## 6gun Kid (Feb 26, 2013)

Just my dos centavos, my horse could care less about attention, he is standoffish, doesn't care to be petted or fussed over in any kind of way. Once in the saddle he is very willing and forward and there has never been much I have asked of him he hasn't done, and he is very forgiving to children and inexperienced riders. His personality is use me, then put me up til you need me again. Don't come give a brushing or hugs because they annoy me. 
This just bugs the crap outta DW cuz she loves to dote on our animals/ Now her horse is the exact opposite, in her (and only her) back pocket and loves to be groomed and bathed and what have you. Point to this? None, just showing personality difference within our own barn.


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## usandpets (Jan 1, 2011)

tzoidbk said:


> I get what you mean. But I would like to have a bond to my horse of where he will come to me in pasture when I want him and he is happy with life. Not a dead soul horse.


If you want him to come to the gate or you, maybe even knicker when he sees you, make being with you a pleasure. You could use clicker training. You could use treats but that could make a treat monster too. 

Using their stomach is another way. Once you catch him, groom him, clean his hooves or whatever, give him some feed before you turn him back out. It's not bribing him but if you do it consistently, he will associate you with feed. 

You don't need a bond for him to do this. It is training. Same with getting him to do things at liberty, training.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jimmyp (Sep 5, 2013)

tzoidbk said:


> I get what you mean. But I would like to have a bond to my horse of where he will come to me in pasture when I want him and he is happy with life. Not a dead soul horse.


My assumption, is that he IS happy with life and is not a dead soul horse..... My assumption is that at somepoint you have seen someone or you your self have had a horse that had a different personality, and in effect you want that type of relationship with your current horse, and feel like your horse is "broken". 

We have 16 horses on the place, of those 16 I spend about 80% of my time riding 2 of them, both are my Field trial horses. The gelding is my buddy, he wants to have my attention, will steal my hat, plays dumb games with the hose when Im trying to water, you get the point. My mare, affectionately called the "War Horse" around the farm, is the boss mare on the place, she could care less to see me, unless I have feed or tack. other than that she doesnt care anything for me, she hangs out and does her thing. is she happy? hell I dont know. is my gelding happy? no clue...., If you need a horse to be your pal, you may look for another horse, this one may not have the personality your looking for. to be honest I prefer my mares personality, over my goofball gelding, but most wouldnt agree with that.

Jim


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## Cynical25 (Mar 7, 2013)

I bought my gelding in March, and for the first 3 months I was pretty sure we hated each other. As soon as I realized he's just a get-to-work-or-leave-me-alone type, we got along much better. He gets annoyed at being pet or loved on, but does loves having his belly scratched. He will never be the kind to come running to greet me at the gate, but he will try very hard to do what I ask of him, and that's huge to me.


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## Zexious (Aug 2, 2013)

This really isn't different than a person... Some people need constant attention: others would much rather hang out in their room on the computer. 
I think horses have personalities, which would imply they won't all be the same.


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## BlueSpark (Feb 22, 2012)

> I would like to have a bond to my horse of where he will come to me in pasture when I want him and he is happy with life. Not a dead soul horse.


 first, this isn't Disney. You don't just 'bond' magically and your horse loves you. You find a way to interact with your horse that the horse(and you) can enjoy, and then, over time, you build a relationship. sometimes you end up with a horse you instantly understand, and that's great. Some it takes months to learn how they think.

second, If you discover a job he loves, he will come to you in the pasture, because he is excited to get to work. For some horses that job is being fussed over and groomed. Some like groundwork and obstacles. Some just love to get out and work. If your horse doesn't see the point of groundwork and getting fussed over, and just wants to get to work, and you keep trying to make him love you by fussing over him and doing groundwork, your horse will associate you with things he doesn't like, and he wont want to come in. Stop worrying about the 'bond' and start putting him to work. I bet you will see a big difference.

third, you are looking at another species. The horse is likely bored/not overly enjoying his job, so he is just doing what you ask out of nessesity, not enjoyment. His soul is not dead, any more than mine is from having to work at a job I don't love for a living.


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## SlideStop (Dec 28, 2011)

^^ this. And also, you can TEACH any horse to come to you. Just because a horse walks over to a person in a pasture doesn't mean he loves or had a bond with that person. My friends mare used to be a stinker to catch. When I told her to cut it out with the acting nice crap and start making her RUN when she is being naughty. With in a few days the horse quit running from her. By two weeks all she has to do is walk in, hold up her hand and say "jesse come". The mare comes RIGHT over. She was trained to do it, and she respects what my friend is asking her to do because she knows there will be consequences to her actions. 

The donkeys I work with on the other hand are bored out of there little minds. They come right over to get the heck out of their little paddock. Thy recognize me, which is a nice feeling, but they more or less just associate me with pleasant feelings... And cheerios. No special bond... Just time and patience. They look forward to seeing me. 

My mare... She'll come when its convenient for her. Some times she comes right over, sometimes she just stares at me like "yeah, right" and other times she doesn't even turn her head to look at me when I call her name. Doesn't bother me any.. except when I have to walk in the mud and whatnot to get her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sarahfromsc (Sep 22, 2013)

Don't you just love the "yeah right" look? I also have one that 99 percent of the times comes to me. Every now and again I don't even get a look thrown my way. And it always happens on those rainy muddy days.......payback maybe? lolol


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## Shoebox (Apr 18, 2012)

My mare likes me, but she certainly isn't lovey dovey. She doesn't care for me to bring her in and work her, she'd rather be out in the pasture (but a good grooming is appreciated). And sometimes when I turn her back out and she gallops off to her buddies without a second glance I'm pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me. She had a week off over Thanksgiving and I chuckled to myself, knowing she was enjoying her break from me. She's never been the "pet me love me" type (though I do it anyways and she tolerates it well enough, with no more than a "Really?" type of look at me!)

But when I came back and entered the pasture with her halter, she trotted over to me and practically shoved her face into the halter. She chased away the other horses that wanted me to pet them. she followed me about, even when I turned her back out. So she definitely likes me well enough! But she's a horse, not a human, and I shouldn't expect her to act like one. She shows me her affection in her own way, and I appreciate it.


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## TessaMay (Jul 26, 2013)

I actually found that my horse was happier to see me and would ***** her ears and come right up to me when she was unhappy and bored with the place she was being kept (stall with a dry lot) and now that she is in a place that she enjoys, she does not even look at me half the time I come into her pasture. Yes, if it's the right time and she hears me walking toward the feed shed she will come trotting up, but it's for the food, not me. I don't mind that she isn't happy to see me anymore because it means she is happy the whole day instead of bored and wanting to get out. She lets me catch and ride her when I want so I let her have her space the rest of the time and she seems to appreciate that. 

As others have said, some horses have that personality where they love to interact with people. I had one horse in my life so far that was that way. She was an older pony (barely) mare who had been left to sit in a pasture because her girl outgrew her. The third time I came to spend time with her she started neighing and running around her pasture when she saw me. As a 10 year old girl, that was amazing for me to have a pony who really would try to do anything for me and was happy to have a special person to interact with, but even then, I knew that wasn't a usual thing and it is possible that I would never "bond" with another horse that way again. It was in her personality and isn't in most. A couple years later I leased a horse who would bite me as soon as look at me, but we had a great working relationship. In the saddle he was awesome and willing, but I mostly left him alone on the ground except to groom and saddle him. As time went on he offered to bite me less, but never was friendly in any way. I still have a scar on my arm where he got me one day, good thing it was winter and I was wearing 4 layers or the scar would be much bigger :lol:

Love your horse for who your horse is. Instead of trying to change his personality, spend some time watching him and find out what makes him happy. Sit in his pasture with a book while he eats, try new things with him and if he never seems to care for your company then learn to accept that. You will only make him less excited to see you if you try to change him.


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## BreakableRider (Aug 14, 2013)

You should enjoy the horse you have. You can train a horse to do a lot of things but the personality isn't going to, you'll be a lot happier in the long run if you accept the horse you have instead of trying to change her. 

I've got three horses right now, two of them are affectionate and one is more than happy to be alone. 

The antisocial one is my 20 year old Arabian mare, Izzy. We have a wonderful working relationship. When I enter her pasture she'll grudgingly come up to me. She comes up because she respects me and likes to work but not because she enjoys it which is fine. I'm not a very affectionate person so we get along great. She doesn't like be fussed over and I don't like fussing. If I never petted her for the rest of her life i'm sure she would think she had won the horsey lottery. She's like this with other horses as well. I never see her walk up to her herd mates. They are always the one to initiate any form of socializing. It would be silly of me to take it personal that she doesn't enjoy my company, she doesn't enjoy any living creatures company. 

On the other hand my quarter horse mare Friska is a love bug. My old boarding barn had a back door that went out to a pasture. Friska figured out how to open the door to come into the house to spend time with me. She's the kind of horse that if she knows i'm on the property will actively seek me out looking to be loved on. She is the happiest and works much better for me when I compromise and fuss over her. She makes a great lesson horse though, I can't say how many little kids have been too rough and she couldn't care less as long as they pay attention to her. 

My third horse is a resale project, Dusty. He's a bit friendly and clearly enjoys extra attention but is perfectly content with a working relationship. He's learning my voice and meets me halfway in the pasture ready for the day.


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## Saskia (Aug 26, 2009)

You can't change a horse's personality. You get to know each other but they are how they are. 

When I was a young teen I got this trained TB jumper. We rode together very well. After a year of regular riding we really knew each other, we had a bond I guess. He knew exactly what I wanted. We understood each other. He was a horsey horse though, he didn't hate me but he wasn't all sweet and cuddly. He'd do what I'd ask, he probably enjoyed it but that was it, he preferred the paddock.

Then I got a two year old filly to try training and we bonded really quickly. She'd follow me everywhere, canter after me if I was running. She once jumped out of of a 4ft yard just to trot over and stand next to me and see what I was doing. It was just her personality. 

My last mare was a real moody thing. She'd sneak up behind you and try to bite, but we had a bond, she liked me in her own way, at least a lot mare than anyone else. She wasn't all sweet and cuddly though. 

Now my new horse and I are getting along great, he'll come and find me sometimes, or stand by the front gate looking in the kitchen window wanting an apple. 

My point is time does give you a bond it doesn't change a horse. I wanted a horse that was all cuddly and friendly so I bought a horse like that. You have to accept your horse for how it is, if you want something different get a different horse.


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## aureliusandoinky (Nov 28, 2013)

Let me tell you, I raised my gelding from about 7 months old and he is 10 now. He likes attention, but he's in it for himself and doesn't care who he gets it from. Does he like me? Sure, but he likes the next person just as much. It still annoys me to this day, but I have to accept him for who he is.

My mare loved me from day 1. She sniffed me every time I fell off and watched with big loving eyes when I came to get her. 

My second gelding was sooooooo standoffish when I got him. In fact, I hated him for at least the first year I had him, and he hated me. Now, it's been five years, and I finally feel like he loves me, and I love him. He comes to me in the pasture, and he loves when I stroke his face, but before he didn't want anything to do with me.

Point is, sometimes it takes time. And sometimes it's just the horse being his or herself. Accept them for who they are as best as you can.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

If you want him to be happy to see you and easy to catch, bring treats. My horses are always happy to see me, even if I don't have treats, because they know I might. :lol:

Other than that, I read this really neat book at the library and it talks about equine personality types. This is better than other equine personality type information I've read.

Ride the Right Horse: Understanding the Core Equine Personalities & How to Work with Them: Yvonne Barteau: Amazon.com: Books



I realized after reading this book that I have two "social" horses and one "aloof" horse. The aloof horse (who just passed away) was actually the best horse I have EVER owned. And the longer I had him, the sweeter he became. But he was aloof by nature. What's cool about an aloof horse though is after you've had him for a number of years and he IS happy to see you and be around you, you know you've really come a long way!

My social horses, who meet you at the gate and practically halter themselves, are social by nature. I didn't create that personality in them and I think they would be that way for anyone.

So what I guess I'm saying is, what you are seeing is likely your horse's natural personality and it doesn't mean he has a dead soul or doesn't like you. That's just the personality he was born with.

There are also a couple other personality types in the book but I don't remember what they are. Challenging and afraid perhaps?

It also talks about the "volume" of the horse's personality. Like your horse's personality is like a radio and the volume can be soft or loud. One of my horses is aggressively social (like the radio is turned up VERY loud) and he is so social you practically have to beat him off with a stick. That can be annoying! 

They say social and aloof personality types are the most versatile and forgiving of mistakes. Better than challenging or afraid personality types for the average horse owner. Like I said, my aloof horse is actually the best horse I have ever had. He took his job very seriously! The social types are more into play.

Also, a friend of mine once gave me some really good wisdom while horse shopping. Respect before bond. The horse should always respect you and that's what you are striving for in any horse. If you have a well trained horse that respects you, then the bond will come. It is forged by many, many hours and miles.


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## its lbs not miles (Sep 1, 2011)

tzoidbk said:


> I feel like my horse hates me. I don't really know why I feel this way but I do. I feel like he doesn't really want to be around me. It's driving me crazy. I just want to be able to have my horse love and care for me as much as I do for him.
> Bonding tips?
> 
> I feel unloved and everyone on Instagram is posting liberty pics with perfect bonds. And Im just like... "Eh, my horse would never do that"


ok, I'm going to be lazy and not read all the other post so I'm sure I'm probably going to repeat some things. Sorry about that.

Your horse is never going to "love" you. If I sit in the pasture my younger mare will come to me within minutes and the older one might look at me, but will have not interest in coming over unless she thinks there is something in it for her (i.e. a treat). So if I'm working with the younger one and she earn a treat the older one may come over and want me to work with her (she'll even start doing things on her own in hopes :lol. Neither of them "love" me, but the younger one sees me as the leader and likes being scratched so coming to me is a natural response to that. The older one accepts me as her leader, but would prefer to be :lol:.

You can train a horse to come to you when ever you are around it, but that's it doing what it was trained, not showing you love.

Love is a human emotion. Dogs, horses and other pets/livestock don't love. People attribute human emotions to them, but those emotions don't really exist. They react to us in ways that fit into the way nature made them. In some cases we use that, and in other cases we train to over come that, but in both cases we seek to (and hopefully succeed) fit them into our world and have them react to us in a way that we want. When they do that (for whatever the "actual" reason) people put a human trait to it, but it's not.

If you really need the horse to come up to you so you feel "loved" you can spend a few days, weeks or even months working on that. You can train and condition your horse to come to you. Teach him to come to a whistle and you can teach him to be waiting for you from hearing the whistle. But just remember that's not love. They don't have that concept. Even in cases were a horse as reacted to defend someone it's not done out of love. Horses will fight and defend naturally and if you hold the right position with them they'll feel the need to defend you. A feral horse will defend, but not our of love. It's just one of many things that has enabled them to survive without human protection (even we've been eating since before recorded time :lol

The loving horse that does everything for it's owner is a product of books and the entertainment industry. It sells well and comes off well (mostly with people who have dealt much with horses :lol, but it's still fiction.


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## trailhorserider (Oct 13, 2009)

I'm on the fence about how much a horse can "love" a person. But I certainly think they can be very fond of a person and have a strong bond with them. And I do believe they "love" each other.

My mare loves her 3 yr old son. She nickers when I bring him back from a ride and they mutually groom all the time. If he left permanently I think she would miss him and maybe even mourn for him. Is that love? I guess it depends on someone's definition of love. I think she loves him with a mother's love.

I think it's arrogant of the human race to think we are the only ones with emotions. Animals show emotion all the time. At least mine do.


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