# Sort of upset with BO- should I be?



## mbender (Jul 22, 2009)

I don't think you're wrong. I think it should be addressed. What did you do or say after this happened? Someone needs to say something.
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## MHFoundation Quarters (Feb 23, 2011)

I would be upset. Thank god she didn't get hurt. I have a 6 yo daughter who spends a lot of time in the barn with me. While she has toys out there, she knows that she is to wait until horses aren't in the aisle to play with them. I welcome her distractions and noise once I'm in the indoor and she is on the other side of the gate. She isn't allowed to pass the gate while I'm working horses, ever. I even let her drive her power wheel mustang in the aisle IF there are no horses in it. 

I would have a talk with your BO and share your concern for her daughter's safety. If she isn't responsive to it, then you have a much bigger problem and at that point I would certainly consider changing barns. That's not only a liability & danger for the BO but anyone who houses their horses there.
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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

mbender said:


> I don't think you're wrong. I think it should be addressed. What did you do or say after this happened? Someone needs to say something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I asked the girls if they would be sure to tell their mother what happened as she was still not there when I left at 8pm. I also comforted the little one and told her she needed to be more careful as she could get hurt. I wasn't really sure what else to say. I don't mind the kid being around but that situation should never have happened imo.

MH, that seems perfectly reasonable. It seems like you are trying to make sure everyone including your child stays safe. I suppose I will have to speak to the BO. I'm pretty nonconfrontational so that'll be difficult. Any advice on how to approach it? I know moms can be like lionesses with their cubs so I don't want to put her on the defensive or have her think I am trying to tell her how to parent her child. I learned long ago not to tell someone how to parent lol
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## mbender (Jul 22, 2009)

I'm a parent and if my child was in danger I would want someone to tell me. I believe either mom will not send the little one with the teens or be there with the little one. You aren't telling her How to parent, you are expressing a safety issue that involves her child. She needs to be aware of it. Just simply explain the situation and ask her what we (as in you and her) can do to make sure everyone stays safe? It actually should be her as a parent to make the choice but you are simply expressing your concern for her daughters safety.
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## MHFoundation Quarters (Feb 23, 2011)

I think mb gave great advice on approaching her. As a mom I would be more upset not being told about my child being in harm's way. I would tell her you felt you had to discuss it with her because you don't want anyone or any animal getting hurt, first & foremost her young child. No mom should argue with that. 

While I don't have boarders, I have other people's horses in for training and safety for all is of the utmost importance. If that means my little monkey has to wait 15 minutes quietly before she can play, so be it. Its pretty tough for her to be idle sometimes but she has seen me dealing with most bad, scary & unpredictable behaviors young horses can present and does respect the rules because of it....though I did catch her ON my yearling awhile back when she was supposed to be going to the house for gatorade lol!
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## twh (Feb 1, 2010)

I've been in two barns where the kids got out of control. Barn #1 was with a scooter (the kid knew he wasn't supposed to ride the scooter in the barn and my horse spooked and almost slammed me against the tacking stall wall. If I hadn't moved over by chance just at that moment, I would have been badly hurt) and barn #2 the BO was nowhere to be found and left her 3y/o in the indoor ring alone while I was riding without asking anyone to watch her. The kid started rattling a metal shovel against a metal door which my horse got nervous about. When I asked her to stop she said "no" so I got off and led her out of the ring amicably. The next day her mother had a screaming fit at me that I was not touch her child under any circumstances and threw me out of the barn. 

I'm just saying this because your telling the BO about this can end in a lot of ways. You still should discuss it with the BO, but don't be surprised if she isn't reasonable.
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## starlinestables (Nov 24, 2008)

OMG! I'm a BO and I have a 3 1/2 year old. If my child did something like that I would be MORTIFIED! I'm the type of parent when safety is involved, there are no warnings and it goes straight to a spanking. That would've been a spanking! My hypothetical teenage daughters would be grounded as well to make a very strong point!

You handled this better than I would've. I don't screw around with safety. period. I don't care if you're the president of the freaking United States, if your putting my safety, my horses safety or your safety at risk I'm gonna say something. I personally try my best to predict the future when it comes to safety. If I saw a scooter, I would've said "Hey guys, I'm gonna be in the wash rack another 5 minutes could you make sure not to ride that in front of him? My horse will flip and I don't want anyone to get hurt". 

You didn't see it and you did the right thing by trying to correct the situation as quickly as possible. I would've told all the kids to NOT ride that thing near MY horse ever. I would send their mom an email to let her know what happened. You have every right to be upset. My email would say " I'm not sure if your girls told you or not, but sally rode a scooter at my horse in the wash rack and it really scared my horse and put everyone's safety at risk. I've seen Sally's safety compromised on other occassions as well and wanted to make sure you were aware. I understand that this is your barn/home and you guys should be able to do whatever you like on your property, but I'm not comfortable with scooters being ridden that closely to my horse. Please let me know if this is an activity that will continue to happen at the barn, if that's the case, I will sadly have to make other arrangements for my horse."


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## DustyDiamond (Mar 18, 2010)

You have the right to be upset by this why wouldn't you be?
This could have been a bad situation the horse, girl, and yourself could have all been hurt.
Thankfully none of you were hurt except a few cuts on your horse.
The teenagers either need to really watch her or someone needs to address the situation.
Even if you aren't confrontational, you still need to confront the BO before someone gets hurt.
You shouldn't have to worry about someone else's child while you are working with your horse.
I would most definitely confront the BO so nothing happens to you, any horses, or her child even.


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## DraftyAiresMum (Jun 1, 2011)

I would make it all about her child's safety, not about your horse spooking. After you make sure that she understands what happened, how it was handled, and that you're concerned for her child's safety because of her child's behavior, you can bring up the fact that your horse was slightly injured by the incident. I am a mother and I know that if my child was acting in a way that was unsafe, especially around horses, I would want to know about it. BUT, if someone came to me and said "Your kid rode a scooter at my horse and spooked it and now he's got cuts and blah blah blah" I'd be MUCH less likely to be willing to listen to them.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

Well I spoke to the BO. She said she had told the child not to ride the scooter unless no horses were in the aisle, that she was glad no one got hurt and maybe being scared taught the child a lesson...

I just don't know what to think.
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## Daisy25 (May 29, 2011)

Yikes! Yes - an accident waiting to happen, for sure!

I know you spoke to the BO/parent already...but if you can casually slip it inot conversation - it might be a good idea to mention the BO's liability in the event a child or a horse gets injured.

"Oh I'm so glad your little girl was OK. I remember hearing a story about a little kid being kicked in the face at a barn. Poor little thing - she was scarred for life! And then the family sued the pants off the barn owners and they actually had to had to close the business and sell their house to just pay the damages! It was terrible! I guess it just shows how lucky we are. It's so great that didn't happen here..."


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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Dresden said:


> Well I spoke to the BO. She said she had told the child not to ride the scooter unless no horses were in the aisle, that she was glad no one got hurt and maybe being scared taught the child a lesson...
> 
> *I just don't know what to think.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My guess is you don't feel the BO was as tough with the kid in the situation as you would of liked her to be.

As a BO myself - I have to take what I did not see with a grain of salt. Believe it or not - people don't always tell the truth or at least the whole truth. You stated your horse reared and slipped 'several times'. Yet you were in the tack room? Can you see where I am going with this?

My suggestion - as it is to my boarders - have all of your items ready before you secure your horse in the cross tie. We have saddle racks and bridle hooks in the alley. Plenty of room to place a tote of grooming supplies. That way you are there 100% of the time to keep an eye on the horse. No pulling, no pawing, no striking, kicking, or urinating in the alley. All of the things the horses like to do as soon as they are not being watched.

As far as the four year old though - MY rule is no unattended child under 12. Liability insurance is expensive.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

Yes. The BOs teenage daughters told me he slipped several times. I could hear a ruckus but not see it. I did see him rear at least twice as I stepped out. 

We cannot leave our supplies in the aisle as the same small child takes them and relocates them. The BO asked me not to ready my things first when the child is there as I used to do so. 

I don't think she should've been harder on the child. The kid was already scared to death! Yelling or whatever wouldn't have helped anything. I'm more concerned about the supervision or lack thereof. I don't want the child to get hurt. I guess I expected more concern for the kid is all. I didn't even mention my horse slipping to the BO. I just asked her if the child was okay, explained briefly what happened and noted I was concerned that she could have been seriously hurt particularly if it had been a horse who didn't calm down as easily as mine does. 

I like the BO a lot and I adore the child. I honestly meant I don't know what to think. Not sarcastic, I genuinely have no frame of reference for this sort of thing. Her response wasn't entirely dismissive nor entirely concerned about her kid. I don't even know what an appropriate response from a parent would be.
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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

It sounds as though there are several issues with the child. Do other boarders have the same problems?

Where is the BO when she drops off her kids?


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

Yes they do and honestly I have no idea where the BO goes. I've heard several other boarders complain. I don't so much have complaints as concerns. There are other issues with the kid that I haven't even bothered to get into here as they aren't relevant. She is a cute and charming child for all her out of controlness 

Some boarders who've been around awhile even take it upon themselves to tell the child 'no' or get firm with her. I do not know them well enough to be comfortable although I did once yell "get out of the way" as I watched 2 horses get into a kicking match right near her right before I scooped her up and moved her out of harms way. I won't yell at the child but I will do anything I can to keep her safe. 

I've calmed down and am not as much upset as worried. I don't have kids but I can't imagine leaving my 4 yr old alone (or with teenage supervision) at a barn for hours on end. When this happened Saturday around 6:30pm, the girls had all been there since at least 10 am alone.

I don't really blame the girls. They are teenagers and as such don't always keep a close eye on the little one. 

I don't even know what sort of resolution I want. I know she isn't suddenly going to start supervising the kid so I may as well just suck it up and do what little I can to keep her safe when I am there.
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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

It sounds like the problem is more the lack of supervision by the teenagers regarding their little sister than the little kid. 

If you want to stay there I would make a point of taking little girl to her sisters every time you find her not being visually supervised by them and say, "Suzy must have wondered off again, though you might want her closer to you so she is safe".


You say the teenagers were right there seeing the commotion while the little one was riding in the aisle? If the teens were there why not get your stuff out? It is not like the kid is alone.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

They didn't stop her from riding her scooter directly at my horse... do you think they'd have stopped her from wandering off with my stuff?

I think I am going to have to make sure my horse isn't ever unsupervised when she is there particularly when her mom isn't present. I'm not quite sure how I will work that out yet. I really don't want my horse to be the one that hurts her. 
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## mls (Nov 28, 2006)

Dresden said:


> I think I am going to have to make sure my horse isn't ever unsupervised when she is there particularly when her mom isn't present. I'm not quite sure how I will work that out yet. *I really don't want my horse to be the one that hurts her. *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's a liability. 

If she were to get hurt, there is the chance the mother's insurance company would come after you. I would check your boarding contract to see if you are covered.

That is why our agent had us add the "One adult per child under 12" provision.


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## thesilverspear (Aug 20, 2009)

If I was in your shoes, I'd start thinking about finding a new boarding barn if there was anything decent in the area. It might be a fantastic barn in every other respect but I go to the barn to chill out and have fun. Feeling like I have to keep an eye on someone else's poorly supervised child so the kid doesn't get under the hooves of my horse or any horse, really, would make the barn stressful. It's one of those things that would definitely start driving me bananas after a while. From your posts, it sounds as if this kid causes quite a few issues at the barn (nicking people's grooming stuff? Really? And all mom does is tell you not to leave it out?), is a bit of a safety hazard, and the mother is not bothered. I've been at a lot of boarding stables and in my experience, people run their barns the way they want to run them, however weirdly at times, and if it drives you and/or your horse nuts for whatever reason, usually the best thing to do is leave.


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## Alwaysbehind (Jul 10, 2009)

If you are not willing to find a different barn then you might want to consider tacking/grooming your horse in its stall while the kids are there.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

Alwaysbehind said:


> If you are not willing to find a different barn then you might want to consider tacking/grooming your horse in its stall while the kids are there.


I would gladly do that but he is pasture kept. I think I am going to give it a couple weeks and see if the situation improves any now that the kids are back in school. If it does, that'd give me plenty of time to shop around before they get out next summer. I hesitate to rush off because its so close to my house I get to see Lucky a lot more than if I move him further away.
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