# struggling with riding



## seniorider (Dec 13, 2019)

I lost my heart horse Sloane in August when it became clear something was preventing him putting needed weight and he was not going to make through an upstate NY winter. I miss hi terribly. Almost immediately my barn firends and BO started urging me to take on another horse. I know they thought they were doing what was best for me. I resisted the pressure and insisted on riding my old friend Duncan, a 26yo Morgan with Cushings whose ownere is no longer able to come to the barn. He is a treasure and I trust him competely. Plus, he is very affectionate. I will not buy him or even lease as his ownere just wants to have him ridden and looked after and doesn't want any money for this. Recently my BO urged me to try out a 20 yo quaerhorse whose woner was looking to rehome him. I caved in and agreed to share a lease with another rider who just lost her heart horse. Rowan seemed very quiet, more whoa then go, and a good match for me. Here's the thing: yesterday I had a lesson on him. He came in earlier than normal and immediately started calling out to his paddock mate, a mare notorious for calling to all her admirers when they leave her presence. I managed to get him tacked up and in the ring, but he was very anxious and jigging around. Finally, the BO got on him and got him calmed down and I went on to have a good lesson. I have another one today at the same time and I an dreading it. I do not feel like taking on another project, like a now buddy sour horse. I like Rowan, but maybe it was too soon. At this point I am not really enjoying riding. So what to do? ending the lease will be tricky as the other person cannot afford to take on the whole fee and Rowan will have to be returned to his owner.


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## horselovinguy (Oct 1, 2013)

This is about you, not affording someone else's problems...

If you are not enjoying riding this animal and dealing with the issues the horse has of sourness...then stop paying to ride him and stop leasing him.
Go ride a lesson animal and when you are truly ready then go in search of a horse who meets _your_ needs, not one that does not fit you.
Riding, take lessons on lesson horses or if others offer a occasional ride on their horse that does not have issues needing continual corrections and give you angst....enjoy those rides.
But to continue to pay to ride a animal that make you unhappy, to me is not in your best interest and is souring you off of horses...
instead of pleasure and content you are having dread is not a good place to be now or ever.

It is _not_ your responsibility to cover the costs for that horses owner. It _*is*_ the owners responsibility to afford their animal...
If he is a nice animal another share boarder will be found...
This to me just not sound a satisfying match and it costs to much to pay another animals bills so some owner has a lesser need of being responsible for _their horses _costs....
I would cancel/stop the lease and walk away....not pay anymore for the displeasure you have riding and interacting with this animal.
*Done*, over and sorry but there are to many nice horses that would, could offer you more and make you happier.
🐴.... _jmo..._


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## egrogan (Jun 1, 2011)

I too would end the lease and not look back!

Is it an option to continue riding Duncan? Sounded like he had the kind of personality you enjoy, which seems like a great match to me 

At the end of the day, riding is supposed to be fun. If it's not fun, it's not worth it!


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## walkinthewalk (Jul 23, 2008)

I am so sorry for your loss of Sloane😢😢


Ditto the previous posters. It is YOUR decision when you want to ride again and who you want to ride.

All I see it from my corner, someone is looking to take advantage of your sorrow and take your money. When I lost my first horse, it took me a good year before I was able to look for another horse. So ny was born on my parents farm when I was 13. I raised/trained him, and laid him to rest when he was 29 & and I was 42. I was devastated and probably would have popped the first person trying to tell me when they thought I should buy another horse.

Actually, I lost Joker this last February and did have an old riding friend tell another old riding friend to tell me I “did not need another d-a-m-n horse - just let Rusty be alone”. Something I never in this life expected to hear from someone I trail rode with for many years, but she has had some serious personal & health issues and got out of horses, so I try not to be to upset😇😇

Do what feels right to you. If Duncan the Morgan is still available and that’s who you want to hang out with, then that’s your business for your peace of mind and comfort.

Don‘t let others tell you how you should grieve and “get over” the loss of Sloane.


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## seniorider (Dec 13, 2019)

walkinthewalk said:


> I am so sorry for your loss of Sloane😢😢
> 
> 
> Ditto the previous posters. It is YOUR decision when you want to ride again and who you want to ride.
> ...


I agree with all of this except that I don't think my BO is after the money. Shortly after Sloane died, I offered her money to use her barn to ride Duncan and she said that wasn't necessary. I should feel welcome to come and ride hi whenever I wanted to. I know her well enough to know that she was trying to help out her friend who needed to re-home this horse and to help me . She does believe that there is no problem on earth having a horse can't help lol.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I agree with the others, EXCEPT . . . I suggest giving it a couple more rides before you decide. We all have days when riding isn't fun. Let a few more happen before you decide if it can become fun or not. Ignore the calling, or get him very busy moving if he starts calling. Maybe YOU are needed to keep the horse in good shape and good riding manners .


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## seniorider (Dec 13, 2019)

Update: so I finally told my BO that I did not want to continue leasing Rowan, but thanked her for the opportunity to try him out. I gave her two weeks of the lease for December to give her some time to find a replacement. She was very understanding. I am so relieved. I thank those who responded for helping me get up the courage to do what is best for me.


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## newtrailriders (Apr 2, 2017)

Good for you. You're enjoying Duncan for now and mourning the loss of your heart horse. Maybe some day you'll want another horse of your own, maybe not. But working through issues with a horse when your heart isn't in it sounds like more of a chore than a joy.


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## seniorider (Dec 13, 2019)

Another update: Duncan's owner is thrilled that I want to lease him; this will give him some stability in his care and use. And my BO is going to keep Rowan at the barn so the woman who shared the lease can continue working with him. She has become really attached. So win win all around.


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