# Are men into young girls only?



## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

OK, that was brought up on different (non-horsey) forum I go to once in while. I still can't get over it (somewhat), so just wanted to share... 

One of the members said in several threads that only losers (or idiots) will be interested in marrying a 35 years old (or older) woman. And if the woman is 35 yo _and _has a child then even losers won't be interested. :?

That was NOT meant as a joke - the person was 100% serious. And several people (including myself) were appalled (should I say p*ssed off?) by what he was saying. I personally know bunch of ladies in their 30th, 40th, and even 50th (for example, my aunt :wink: ) who got married happily (and some got kids in late 30th - early 40th). What I don't understand (and I asked that guy directly without getting a response (of course)) is what could be a reason to think that woman is "useless" and "unneeded" passed certain age mark... * rolled eyes *


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Sounds like a loser to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maple (Jan 10, 2012)

Sounds like somebody just lookin for a reaction.. I'd ignore and let them move onto something else. Anybody with half a brain knows thats a load of rubbish, so I wouldn't even entertain the stupidity with a response. Just my opinion anyway..


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

cakemom said:


> Sounds like a loser to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hehe.... Actually that's exactly what I asked him.... And got no response... 

He's not a troll, BTW, and wasn't trying to "fire up" the conversation. Just weirdo I assume...


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## Darrin (Jul 11, 2011)

I can't have a stimulating enough conversation with most 20-30 something to hold my interest for more than a couple of minutes. Just not enough life experience behind those eyes for me. Without stimulating conversations I wouldn't stick around long enough to marry them.


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

i disagree, I am sure there are plenty of losers that would be interested in a 35yo woman with a child.


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

ok couldnt find the falling down laughing symbol for the above, but just picture me slapping the desk and laughing at that one, sometimes I just crack myself up.

Ok serious discussion now. Ive done the step dad thing a couple times, was a complete disaster,. The man will always be the odd man out, and generally there are disputes about the kid.The man will always lose. Then he ends up feeling like a guest with no say so in his own house that HE is paying for while some uncontrolled demon spawn trashes the place. Just hasnt worked for me in the past. No way no how would I even consider a marriage into the situation. THere just really isnt any tangible benifit to it. I dont think I could deal with a live together situation either if there were kids involved. You must be true to yourself. I know me, I despise kids, especially other peoples kids. I didnt even like myself when I was a kid. 
I'll never legally marry under any circumstances though, just dont see the point or anything but potential risk to me, with no chance of gain. Seems like a very poor investment. 
There are plenty out there that will I guess. Plenty of men would find a 35yo as ideal, Im one of them, Im also 44 yo but imagine I am pretty normal in the that regard. But i owuldnt be keen on the kid issue and offered a choice Id date a 40 you with an 18 yo off to college kid before Id date a 30 yo with a 2nd grader.


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## Darrin (Jul 11, 2011)

Just to back what Joe said, I've known plenty of guys who have tried to date women with children. Mom's don't give them any say in raising the kids because they are not theirs and kids don't listen anyway because they are not his. This leads to a ton of friction.


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## Delfina (Feb 12, 2010)

I wonder what the age of that individual was? I could completely understand a guy in his 20's not being at all interested in a 35+ woman with a child... talk about massive responsibility that they most likely aren't ready to take on. 

I can also completely understand not wanting to date people who already have children. I don't think the entire stepchild stepparent relationship is *always* a nightmare or not worth getting into but I don't think it's at all *easy* either, especially in the beginning. 

Discounting ALL women over a certain age though is crazy and I'm sure it's not the prevailing opinion. Seems like 90% of the women I know were all married around 33 or 34 and are just starting to have children a few years past that. My husband is 14yrs older than me but he wasn't actively seeking younger women to date, we never intended to date each other, we were coworkers who became friends and it just progressed from there.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I am surprised that you are surprised at this. As a general trend, men have always been drawn to women younger than themselves, at least once they get past 40. What's so surprising about that? Just the way it is.
But marrying, that's different. I appreciated what Darrin said about there needing to be "something behind those eyes" in the way of life experience. However, there are plenty of men who will trade that something behind the eyes for something in front of the rib cage.

I would also like to say that being a step mom also has a lot of challenges. Just being a step parent sounds like a tremendously hard job. I salute any of you who do this very hard job!


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## Speed Racer (Oct 21, 2009)

Not all men are dirtbag losers who only want vapid young women with tight bodies. Some actually have substance and are _worthy_ of being called men.

Either he's dumber than a box of hair and doesn't want a woman who will challenge him intellectually, or he's a control freak. Younger women are more easily controlled because they don't yet have much life experience. 

Men in their 40s or older who are trying to date much younger women are pathetic cretins. It's not like _their_ bodies haven't changed, so I'm not sure why they think their saggy old genitals, pot belly and man boobs are hot stuff.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

I am going to add- I was raised by a step dad. He vowed to take care of us and he did. It is possible. My mother had two children and was younger than him by ten years, he not only raised us but also several grandchildren. Not all men feel the same, if they did he wouldn't exist.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Delfina said:


> I wonder what the age of that individual was? I could completely understand a guy in his 20's not being at all interested in a 35+ woman with a child...


Delfina, he's in his 40th (may be late 30th). So no, definitely not 20 yo. 

And I see your point, Joe, and agree: dealing with the (someone's) kids is not for everyone. However I have to say that one of my aunts (I have plenty of relatives since my mom has 10 siblings  ) got married with 2 school-age kids (I believe one was even pre-schooler) in no time after the divorce: run into the (younger!) guy who was in the same college, and he proposed in matters of week. He raised both kids with her (plus they had one together). With friend of mine I didn't even know that his dad is in fact step-dad till I run into his real father at the exam.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

"Men in their 40s or older who are trying to date much younger women are pathetic cretins. It's not like _their_ bodies haven't changed, so I'm not sure why they think their saggy old genitals, pot belly and man boobs are hot stuff."




that brought to mind the most interesting mental image.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

tinyliny said:


> I am surprised that you are surprised at this. As a general trend, men have always been drawn to women younger than themselves, at least once they get past 40. What's so surprising about that? Just the way it is.
> *But marrying, that's different.* I appreciated what Darrin said about there needing to be "something behind those eyes" in the way of life experience. However, there are plenty of men who will trade that something behind the eyes for something in front of the rib cage.
> 
> I would also like to say that being a step mom also has a lot of challenges. Just being a step parent sounds like a tremendously hard job. I salute any of you who do this very hard job!


Tiny, I (and the guy) was talking about marrying, not being drawn. And I understand the difference. 

Actually most of my friends were either married really early (early 20th, with husband about same age) or pass 30 (or even 35).


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Speed Racer said:


> or he's a control freak. Younger women are more easily controlled because they don't yet have much life experience.


Actually it's a very good point, SR. Now as I think about it his wife (per posts of course, I don't know her or him personally) is someone he controls (while still looking for some dates outside the family life).


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

tinyliny said:


> "Men in their 40s or older who are trying to date much younger women are pathetic cretins. It's not like _their_ bodies haven't changed, so I'm not sure why they think their saggy old genitals, pot belly and man boobs are hot stuff."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


****! I know... I WISH I'd see that guy's pic!


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## texasgal (Jul 25, 2008)

Well, didn't I get lucky. I was 40 with TWO children ...


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

texasgal said:


> Well, didn't I get lucky. I was 40 with TWO children ...


Oh, boy, TG! I wish I could re-post it there! :lol:


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

tinyliny said:


> "Men in their 40s or older who are trying to date much younger women are pathetic cretins. It's not like _their_ bodies haven't changed, so I'm not sure why they think their saggy old genitals, pot belly and man boobs are hot stuff."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Humm well Id thing the 20yo girls in the situation are greedy gold digging ho's, dating the most likely financially stable 40yo men. See every story has two sides. Of course there is always the possibility they like each other.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Older men who want younger women - this goes back millennia. Think how harsh early life was, many women died in childbirth. The man was left with children to raise. How could he hunt game with no wife to stay with the children. He'd find a young strong woman, quickly get her pregnant and away he'd go on his hunt. It was how they survived. We like to think we have evolved but in many aspects we haven't. If people continued to hunt and gather food do you think there'd be any obesity?


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## usandpets (Jan 1, 2011)

Saddlebag said:


> . If people continued to hunt and gather food do you think there'd be any obesity?


They still do but not to survive. If that was the case, I would not be here today. Even though I am a guy, I hate fishing and have never hunted. It grosses me out just thinking of gutting an animal. Maybe if I had to or was brought up doing it, I would feel different. 

Back to the original post, my first wife had a child when we started dating. I looked after him like he was mine. It didn't work out between us not because of him but because she was a tramp. She was older than me too. 

My second and current with is also older than me by 9 years. I didn't know it until after we started dating. I'm in my early 40's and she's in her early 50's. Age doesn't matter to me, it's what the person is like personality and attitude wise. 

I'm not going to say that I don't like looking at younger women. They are attractive but so are some older ones. Madonna, for example, looks pretty darn good for being in her 50's. I wouldn't want to be with her but she's not bad to look at. 

Some men want a trophy wife. They get that with a younger woman. Some younger women want a man to support them and go for the older and stable man. For me, I want someone compatible. I found that and married her. 

I think it was Joe or Darrin that mentioned about marriage as an investment. You can't think of it like that. It is a commitment. The ceremony is the celebration and announcement of that commitment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## texasgal (Jul 25, 2008)

Joe4d said:


> Humm well Id thing the 20yo girls in the situation are greedy gold digging ho's, dating the most likely financially stable 40yo men. See every story has two sides. *Of course there is always the possibility they like each other*.


 
Noooooooooooo. Couldn't be anything as silly as THAT?!?! :shock:


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Joe4d said:


> Humm well Id thing the *20yo girls* in the situation are greedy gold digging ho's, dating the most likely financially stable *40yo men*. See every story has two sides. *Of course there is always the possibility they like each other*.


There is a possibility. Although I doubt that possibility is really high when young girl dates 60 (or 70, or 80 yo) like this guy: Hugh Hefner, Crystal Harris' Wedding: Couple Marries At Playboy Mansion Although.... everything happens on Earth...


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## BarrelRacer23 (Aug 17, 2011)

He must not look around much, I know plenty of blended families where the wife or husband had kids before. My step dad started dating my mom when I was 17, he has younger kids that my mom treats about like her own kids when they come over.

As for age differences, I know two couples and out of both of them the woman acts ashamed to be in it. The first the man is 46, she's 21 they started dating last year. She won't call him her boyfriend, but he buys her horses, takes her to shows ect. He's proud to call her his girlfriend, but you'll never hear it from her their dating. He's just "someone she rides for" said by her.

As for the second the "man" is 21 and the woman is 36 with a 16 year old and an 8 yr old. It took her awhile to admit they were dating. Now she won't bring him out to the barn with her, never talks about him, never see pictures of them together. 
It's interesting to say the least.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SouthernTrails (Dec 19, 2008)

.

I have seen 50 year old men trade in the 50 year old wives for a 25 year old and I have seen 50 year old women trade in the 50 year old husband for a 25 year old.

It is not just men who seek younger spouses :wink:

.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

I think it totally depends on what the person wants out of the marriage - if we're talking men - do they want a loving partnership or a 'trophy wife'
An older man looking for a real relationship is more likely to go for personality above looks because looks fade and then what do they have?
Very few attractive younger women genuinely find an older man appealing in looks - its the bank balance that they want so if they're so naïve or narcissistic to be convince themselves that its 'true love' then more fool them


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

SouthernTrailsGA said:


> It is not just men who seek younger spouses :wink:.


True. Although I still have seen more of this in "men world". :wink:


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## Roadyy (Feb 9, 2013)

I am posting this with a heavy mind to add to this. My oldest daughter is 23 and married to a guy 3 years my elder(I'm 42). They have been married for 2 years and have an almost 2 year old son together. He has kids only 2 years younger than her.

He claims to be disabled due to diabetes, yet volunteers with the EMT service at the local dirt track race every weekend. She has a full time job and a part time job to pay for what little bit they have. I have yet to contain myself enough to meet with them as a family, but have visited there to see her and the grandson. He knows if I get close enough to him there is a 99% chance I will go to prison and he will go in the ground,,if they find all the pieces. 

She understands my feelings, but doesn't like the fact we will never share Holidays with all of them. I have tried to curb that distaste with no luck and she knows it. I talk with her on a weekly to daily basis about her and my grandson, but have expressed no desire to hear anything about him. They barely make ends meet and now live with her biological mother because they couldn't afford the trailer they were living in.

Is she a gold digger?


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

I think women on the whole tend to look after their looks better than men and resist the whole aging thing so the 'toy boy' relationship isn't so uncommon these days - though my grt grt grandmother was a lot older than my grt grt grandfather - and she went into that marriage with quite a few children.
If women can get a good looking young guy who earns a decent wage or they're self sufficient then why wouldn't they do that?


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## Faceman (Nov 29, 2007)

Saddlebag said:


> Older men who want younger women - this goes back millennia. Think how harsh early life was, many women died in childbirth. The man was left with children to raise. How could he hunt game with no wife to stay with the children. He'd find a young strong woman, quickly get her pregnant and away he'd go on his hunt. It was how they survived. We like to think we have evolved but in many aspects we haven't. If people continued to hunt and gather food do you think there'd be any obesity?


Correctamundo - at least to a degree. Men are instinctively attracted to women of child bearing age, just as women are instinctively attracted to strong provider types - with exceptions, of course. It is called mother nature and 2 million years of evolution.

Unfortunately, our society glorifies young people, which makes it a lot worse.

I am no different than most men - I like looking at young women, but a relationship? You have to be kidding. Most of us older folks know that a relationship doesn't really ripen until the hormones stop dictating our lives, and we start enjoying our partner for more than their body. I am 65, and the most attractive women to me are those in the 50 - 55 age range that take good care of themselves physically, and are extremely physically active, because I am an obsessive "doer" and can be very hard to keep up with. I just look, though - I am perfectly content with Mrs. Face, although she did turn 60 a few days ago, and is starting to look a bit shopworn...:rofl:


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Roadyy said:


> I am posting this with a heavy mind to add to this. My oldest daughter is 23 and married to a guy 3 years my elder(I'm 42). They have been married for 2 years and have an almost 2 year old son together. He has kids only 2 years younger than her.
> 
> Is she a gold digger?


 Roadyy I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this - as parents we think we can plan our kids lives and select the ideal partner for them - but of course it rarely works that way
Your daughter obviously didn't marry him for money. Who knows what.
I don't regard her husband as 'old' - Brad Pitts got to be 50 now and pretty sure he would still charm to 20 'somethings' money or no money!!!
My first husband was older than me, though not as big an age gap as yours - but I remember how 'mature' and 'wordly' he seemed compared to young men my own age. My father reacted just like you have but my mother refused to let him rule because she knew me better, the more he objected the more I rebelled & defied him until in the end the marriage had more to do with that than it did with any attraction - in fact in honesty once the infatuation and the element of 'daring' was removed I really didn't like him that much at all, he was incredibly boring, shallow and controlling in an extreme that left my dad seem like a push over.
He was allowed into our family circle all the relatives did their best to make him feel welcome and once that happened I think the novelty wore off, I saw him for what he was and we were soon divorced.


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## Roadyy (Feb 9, 2013)

I don't bad mouth him anymore to her and she doesn't ask me to allow him to join us when I make the trips up there. Her biological mother who didn't have any contact with her from the time she was 3 til she graduated is now using all of this to put a wedge between us so she can have all the attention. I don't let it bother me and refuse to bad mouth her to this day. I simply tell her she will see the truth and either call her on it or ignore it. 

I do not make a big deal of their marriage so that really isn't what is keeping her there. She has always been the type who had to have someone or she was depressed and couldn't cope. I tried all their lives with me to instill self worth without anyone else so they could stand on their own. Figured that would allow them to pick a husband on love and desire more so than need. Guess I didn't succeed in my job.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

Roadyy said:


> I don't bad mouth him anymore to her and she someone or she was depressed and couldn't cope. I tried all their lives with me to instill self worth without anyone else so they could stand on their own. Figured that would allow them to pick a husband on love and desire more so than need. Guess I didn't succeed in my job.


 You didn't fail her any more than my father failed me - which he absolutely didn't so don't beat yourself up about it
She's young - she's not the first girl (or boy) to make a mistake in choice of partner and she wont be the last
Maybe it will work but I have a feeling that at some point in the future she'll see young women her age being able to afford nice homes and nice things, being supported by their husbands and it'll be a wake up call
Sometimes its just stubborn pride that stops people from admitting they've made a mistake and getting out of it
At least you haven't cut her off and she'll have someone there for her to help pick up the pieces if she ever needs a way out.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Roadyy, she's still very young (23 yo is nothing). While you can find love anywhere (I assume it was a case), love won't last long without "support". I may be wrong, but I have a feeling that she'll either make him to change or will find someone she deserves (as a hard working person and mom).


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## Roadyy (Feb 9, 2013)

I can only hope.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

I see another alarming trend as well, young guys interested in women old enough to be their mothers, creepy totally creepy to me. But that's me, to each their own. 
As far as not wanting to date a woman with kids, I can understand that, relationships are difficult enough with 2 people, throw an instant family in there and it better be total love, commitment & compromise otherwise it won't work. Not many guys want that kind of challenge, nor can they handle it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Darrin (Jul 11, 2011)

waresbear said:


> I see another alarming trend as well, young guys interested in women old enough to be their mothers, creepy totally creepy to me. But that's me, to each their own.
> As far as not wanting to date a woman with kids, I can understand that, relationships are difficult enough with 2 people, throw an instant family in there and it better be total love, commitment & compromise otherwise it won't work. Not many guys want that kind of challenge, nor can they handle it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think it's more that now women can make good money the young guys are looking for a sugar momma, just like young gals look for a sugar daddy.


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## jaydee (May 10, 2012)

^^^Very true - and with all the cosmetic surgery these days a woman of 50 can look as good as one of 30 - better even if she keeps in good shape and has the disposable income to spend on good clothes


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## franknbeans (Jun 7, 2007)

One of DH's close business partners traded in the intelligent well spoken mature lovely woman on a blonde, all legs 1/3 his age...UGH. She was a piece of work. We traveled for business together so we had to bite our tongues until they were bloody more times than not. Never a more satisfying day in my life than the day he came home from a trip and found another man taking his role in his house.....with her kid that he had adopted......Karma is a wonderful thing.  Unfortunately, the adopted son was the one who suffered......drugs, jail......and was brilliant. So sad. As for mom-she has not changed her spots and continues to chase $$.


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## waresbear (Jun 18, 2011)

A solid marriage can't be broken apart by another person, super model or not. Adultery is a symptom of a problem in the marriage.


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## toto (Mar 3, 2013)

I noticed the younger men like older ladies and the older men like younger ladies, lol. 

I think its an age thing- once they hit their later 30s and in their 40s they want to feel like they 'still go it' like they can still get looks from the younger women- reckon its their way of dealing with knowing theyre older and still want to feel pretty? :lol:


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## my2geldings (Feb 18, 2008)

They must want a reaction. I've stopped saying that "Ive seen and heard it all" because there is always someone else out there to surprise me, so Im hoping this person was not serious. I wouldnt invest anymore time into this guy.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Darrin said:


> I think it's more that now women can make good money the young guys are looking for a sugar momma, just like young gals look for a sugar daddy.


Lol! Very true.


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## Faceman (Nov 29, 2007)

toto said:


> I think its an age thing- once they hit their later 30s and in their 40s they want to feel like they 'still go it' like they can still get looks from the younger women- reckon its their way of dealing with knowing theyre older and still want to feel pretty? :lol:


Hey now...I still get looks from younger women - they may be in their 40's and 50's, but they are younger women to me...of course in Missouri and Arkansas, if a guy still has most of his teeth and doesn't have tobacco stains on the corners of his mouth, he is "hot"...no matter what his age...:rofl:


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## Josh (Jan 19, 2012)

I think what it boils down to is each individuals character. Some people simply arent looking for love. They are after money, security, or sexual gratification. On the other hand some people are looking for lifelong partnership and they find that the most gradifing. That second type person will give almost no mind to age, social status, marital status, wealth, or even there own safety. I guess it just depends on what your after.

Of course there's always that third kind who no matter what they do the most meaningful relationship they'll ever has is with their horse.


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## Darrin (Jul 11, 2011)

Faceman said:


> Hey now...I still get looks from younger women - they may be in their 40's and 50's, but they are younger women to me...of course in Missouri and Arkansas, if a guy still has most of his teeth and doesn't have tobacco stains on the corners of his mouth, he is "hot"...no matter what his age...:rofl:


Reminds me of what my uncle told me a couple years ago. He told me he knows he's getting old because when 3 generations of women walk into his shop all he saw was grandma and thought to himself she's pretty hot.


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Faceman said:


> Hey now...I still get looks from younger women - they may be in their 40's and 50's, but they are younger women to me...of course in Missouri and Arkansas, if a guy still has most of his teeth and doesn't have tobacco stains on the corners of his mouth, he is "hot"...no matter what his age...:rofl:


:rofl:

I'm not big fan of my age and younger guys - most of them talk only about smartphones and cars (and no, I don't talk about horses when I talk to people  ). So after 5 mins of conversation I'm just getting bored completely.


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## MGTS (May 13, 2013)

Joe4d said:


> Humm well Id thing the 20yo girls in the situation are greedy gold digging ho's, dating the most likely financially stable 40yo men. See every story has two sides. Of course there is always the possibility they like each other.


 
Hey now! Some of us "younger" women take offense to that statement. I can promise you when I met my husband there wasnt enough income coming in for anyone to consider it "gold digging". And there is 17 years age difference here. And now that he has been unemployed (well from a steady job) for going on 3 years now with my income carrying the brunt of everything with him picking up as much odd-work as he can find. Yeah I think I could say I definitely didnt meet or marry him because I was gold-digging.


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## Joe4d (Sep 1, 2011)

that statement was made in sarcasm in response to a comment putting down all older men that like younger women, you have to take it in context to the posts right above it. Sorta why I said , sometimes its neither they just like eachother.
Really who are we to judge anothers relationship. I have a friend with a young russian wife, she litteraly stops traffic, and I am sure if he wasnt financially well off they would have never met, but she seems to be the sweetest thing in the world and they both look to be pretty devoted to each other.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

Interesting thread, to say the least. I am married, before that I had boyfriends. I can honestly say that w/o all the proof I have before me I would believe men are a different species all together. The physical side of life seems more important than a lot of things to them...a new puppy, even.:wink: So, it doesn't at all surprise me that some are so "unbalanced" that it is "all" that is important. But, I think that is the exception and not the "norm".


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## Faceman (Nov 29, 2007)

Missy May said:


> Interesting thread, to say the least. I am married, before that I had boyfriends. I can honestly say that w/o all the proof I have before me I would believe men are a different species all together. The physical side of life seems more important than a lot of things to them...a new puppy, even.:wink: So, it doesn't at all surprise me that some are so "unbalanced" that it is "all" that is important. But, I think that is the exception and not the "norm".


Sex or a new puppy? Hmm...:think:

At 10 I would have taken the puppy.
At 20 I would have taken the puppy and taken it to the park to pick up a chick.
At 40, I would have taken the puppy and taken it out in my boat to pick up a chick.
At 60 I would have taken the puppy, sold it, and bought sex with the money.
Now, at 65, I would take the puppy.


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## Missy May (Feb 18, 2012)

^^^^:rofl:

Okay, well then.... it _is _the norm.:?


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## gahorsechick (Mar 16, 2010)

The step parent always gets the blame for anything that goes wrong in the child's life and rarely ever gets any credit for anything gone right. 

I know I would NEVER want either of my girls to get in the situation I put myself in by marrying a man with a child. I can see where men would feel the same way about marrying a women with kids.


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## SEAmom (Jan 8, 2011)

My husband was happy to get an "insta-family" when we started dating and subsequently married. When he proposed to me, the 3 of us were at a nice restaurant and he asked my daughter first. Maybe it's because she was 5 when we started dating, but we don't have these issues that are being brought up. The 3 of us do great and all major parenting "final decisions" he leaves up to me because I'm the mother - not because he's the step-father. He has equal say and we discuss with each other how to deal with her. Honestly, I've done the "Your daughter..." when I'm mad at her. Right now, we're in the process of him adopting her. She's excited for it. He was the one to initiate the conversation with me about doing it. I was never looking for a father for my daughter. As a single mother, I expected to fill that role indefinitely. I never even wanted to get married - since long before my daughter came along! I just happened to meet the right guy and things have just fallen into place. We are honest with each and speak openly about any problems. Sure, we disagree on parenting on occasion, but what 2 parents don't? We compromise and work it out. Maybe we're the exception, but I don't feel like we are based on what I know of friends who have stepparents.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

Joe4d said:


> I have a friend with a young russian wife, she litteraly stops traffic, and I am sure if he wasnt financially well off they would have never met, but she seems to be the sweetest thing in the world and they both look to be pretty devoted to each other.


How long they've been married? Just curious...


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## kitten_Val (Apr 25, 2007)

SEAmom said:


> The 3 of us do great and all major parenting "final decisions" he leaves up to me because I'm the mother - not because he's the step-father.


Exactly, Sea. My husband lets me make a final decision when it comes to our child because I'm a _mother_.


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