# I'm sure I'm not the only one... What do you say?



## MapleAir

Hey everyone, 

I was in a situation the other day that still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. 

I'm a 4-H leader, end 20's and have been riding for 20+ years. I'm always trying to set a good example for the kids at 4-H (wearing a helmet, showing them extra stuff, showing off good horsemanship etc) and we were discussing different types of saddles the other day.

I have a few new kids in my group which I think is great because naturally, the ones who have been in 4-H longer help them out and everyone advances together. Anyway, here I am, showing them my English and Western saddles of different makes and styles and discussing the differences, what they do while riding etc. One of my older kids recognized my brand new English saddle and pointed out that this was the saddle we used when I led them around on my own horse. One of the present mothers squeeles (not in delight) "You don't seriously ride, do you?" Me (in that moment just a bit baffled): "Of course I do. Why do you think I'm a 4-H leader and have 3 different saddles?" With a disgusted look, the mother snorts: "Well, being a leader, I thought you'd have more common sense than to park that huge **** of yours on a helpless horse." Only for the sake of the kids could I manage to stay calm and not hurt anyone. 

For real? Talk like that in front of a group of 8-12 year olds? Your won 2 kids amongst them? To someone who donates their time to educate your kids? 

I'm sure others have experienced comments like that as well. What do you say in a situation like that?


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## waresbear

Ok I am not a plus sized rider, but if I heard someone make a comment like that about somebody else, I would've sucker punched them right in the yap. That's rude!


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## BarrelracingArabian

I am not a plud sized rider either however that is not ok for anybody to ever say, especially in front of inpressionable kids and to the lady teaching them! i give you props for keeping your cool as i would not of had that kind of self control. 
However if I were you I'd explain that you did not appreciate her rude comment and to please keep them to herself. If she has a problem she can take her kids elsewhere.
People like that get under my skin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themacpack

I am so sorry - what a rude woman (nicest term I can come up with at the moment).


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## franknbeans

Wow. Just wow. Let me guess.....blonde, dressed to the nines, even in the barn, fake boobs and says the horsey hurt his arm? I know the B!$ch. lol. Seriously. Around here-you would be a breath of fresh air.......our 4-h leader has called a mom friend of mine a *****! In front of the kids! I just cannot believe some folks.


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## Prinella

WTheck?
I would have been pulling her aside after ( or have someone else doing it) and point out that is NOT ON. It sets a bad example for her children as well as others and its just plain 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians

I'd have had her by the arm dragging her to the side so fast her head would have spun. I'd have also been calling the 4H director above me to witness the tail chewing I'd have given her and I've have told her to take her 2 children home because I would no longer be working with them, BECAUSE OF HER RUDE BEHAVIOUR. 

And then I would have gone back to the group and explained that the 2 kids had done nothing wrong but that their ill mannered parent had gotten them tossed.


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## littrella

Bless you heart for staying calm. I'd woulda beat the witch


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## FlyGap

You did great! Don't let that ungrateful hussy ruin your day!

I would have said:
Ok kids new lesson plan... SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST!
and then beat her within an inch of her life!!!

JK!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QOS

Wow...sham wow at that. :evil: What an idiot...and what a horrible example for children. 

I do believe I would have gave her my very best Aunt Rita FROZEN expression where my eye brow is hovering about 3" over my head, my lips are a straight line and when I speak the voice is so soft people have to lean over to hear me.

My kids know when I stop screaming or hollering and speak softly they had better drop their *** and RUN. 

I do believe I would have said "and I would have believed you would have had more common sense than to be rude to the 4-H leader that was here to teach your children." 

And then I would have froze her out like a ice storm for the moment - then had her and her children removed to another group. Sorry, I don't do rude and that was just flat out mean, ugly and uncalled for. I was in 4-H as a kid and loved it. Thank God for people who gave their time to teach and mentor children. 

I am so sorry that this ungracious heifer was rude to you. I am indignant on your behalf. 

So what happened after that? Inquiring minds would like to know.


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## tinyliny

You did so very well. I assume you did not rudely retort , right?

I might pass this infor on to the 4H head, but I would not ask that the two children be removed. They should not be punished for the mother's bad behavior.

Next time , hop up and show off your mad riding skilz.


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## MapleAir

See, that's exactly it, I didn't want to take it out on the kids, they are actually very sweet *must have a nice dad with that monster of a mother* and what I did was sit the other kids down and explained that it is not the childrens fault that their mother said something mean to me. One of the older kids got very upset and defensive over that remark and told her mom. 

I don't want to cause a stir it was just such a surreal situation that I was completely out of control. And I wouldn't loose it in front of the kids ever. They deserve better than that. 

As sad as it is though, the whole story kinda eats on my self esteem. When I was 160 lbs, I was at my best riding level ever. Now, at 200 lbs, I'm less flexible and I had to give up my competition horse due to old age. My new gelding is inexperienced and we have a long way ahead of us. 

Long story short, I wonder if there was more truth to what she said then I want to admit.


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## MapleAir

Oh, and for the situation: I grabbed the kids and just got myself removed from that monster's presence. After giving her a death stare that is. I didn't say a word. Sometimes, less is more, I thought.


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## NorthernMama

Regardless of what your own views are on your current capabilities and fitness, it is totally out of line for anyone to speak to you in those terms. If she got you thinking about something that's been hanging around in the back of your mind for a while, fine, so be it. But don't let her comments define your abilities, accomplishments or self-esteem. She was completely out of line.


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## Golden Horse

MapleAir said:


> I didn't say a word. Sometimes, less is more, I thought.



*Nods head* difficult to do, but yes sometimes the best.


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## Hidalgo13

Probably a jealous mother who doesn't like the fact that you are a very knowledgeable, kind and decent woman who can probably ride better than she'd ever hope to. Good for you for only giving her a stare. O.O Hope it chilled her to her bones and made her feel like a horrible b***. What's this world comign to.


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians

I don't accept abuse of any sort, ever. I would have had her kids moved to another group for 2 reasons. #1, she'd have had immediate repurcussions for her bad behaviour and #2, I would not allow those kids to remain because then she has the right to come back with them. I would make your superiors aware of the problem because if you don't, she may do it and spin it. If you don't go to them then it looks like you are hiding something. Don't let her do that to you. 

At 200 lbs, you may be a tad less flexible and your really good, go to horse got old so you don't ride as much. There's only one way to fix that and that's to make this new horse your really good go to horse and start riding him like there's no tomorrow. I'm in the same position and a lot older than you, so I know all about inflexible, LOL!


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## QOS

It is unfortunate for her children but no, I would not want to interact with her and having her children would cause me to interact with her. 

I do not need that kind of baloney - I have had to deal with many frictards in business that are just the pits. But volunteer for it? Not on her best day. Perhaps if she finds herself and her children removed she might rethink her approach to people. And perhaps if she apologized in front of all I would rethink the removal. People like her think it is ok to be rude, pushy, obnoxious yet are often the most sensitive of their own feelings. =-(


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## EvilHorseOfDoom

That is so freaking rude!! I can't believe someone would say that! I know there are people who think it but...how horrible can people be? I'm not a plus-sized rider but I've copped remarks about other stuff in the past and I've always been tempted to bring out Brock and say "Could you come and ride my horse and show me _exactly_ what you're talking about please?". And laugh as he catapults them to the moon.


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## MapleAir

Haha, yes, I should have maybe told her she can put a ride on my poor abused horse and we'll see from there  The thing with moving the kidlets to another group is that it's flat impossible.
We are a very small club and there is only 3 groups. Cloverbuds, older kids and horseless kids (meaning they don't have their own horse), the latter being my group because I was once one of the girls who could only admire horses from afar and I would have killed for someone to give me the opportunity to learn and take the first small steps in the world of horsemanship.
Removing the kids completely or making a big fuss would not make anything better. The general leader for wind of the story through the mother of the other girl who was so upset when she heard what the monster said to me and the end result is that parents are not allowed with the children any more during meetings. They can be there, have coffee etc but not interfere. Which is fine because 99% of parents just come and visit anyways.

I'm in 4-H because I want to reach kids that no matter whether you are different in whatever way, you can become a wonderful horse person and horses give so much love back and I hope that the kids will understand tolerance and respect and compassion for animals and other people. That's all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreamcatcher Arabians

You are a very kind hearted person! I hope this solution works and you don't have to take anymore abuse.


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## Delfina

Perhaps a request for a public apology for the rude remark is in order?

I wouldn't remove the kids but I sure would want the mom to come apologize in front of all the kids.


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## QOS

You are a very good egg and that is what 4H is all about!

I should hope though that your leader would have a little chat with this mother and put her on notice that behavior such as that is a poor example for children and will not be tolerated. Don't know how old her kids are but if they were old enough to catch what she said I am sure they wanted to fall through the floor.

Hope it is smooth sailing from now on and the kidlets enjoy their 4H experience.


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## tinyliny

MapleAir said:


> Haha, yes, I should have maybe told her she can put a ride on my poor abused horse and we'll see from there  The thing with moving the kidlets to another group is that it's flat impossible.
> We are a very small club and there is only 3 groups. Cloverbuds, older kids and horseless kids (meaning they don't have their own horse), the latter being my group because I was once one of the girls who could only admire horses from afar and I would have killed for someone to give me the opportunity to learn and take the first small steps in the world of horsemanship.
> Removing the kids completely or making a big fuss would not make anything better. The general leader for wind of the story through the mother of the other girl who was so upset when she heard what the monster said to me and the end result is that parents are not allowed with the children any more during meetings. They can be there, have coffee etc but not interfere. Which is fine because 99% of parents just come and visit anyways.
> 
> I'm in 4-H because I want to reach kids that no matter whether you are different in whatever way, you can become a wonderful horse person and horses give so much love back and I hope that the kids will understand tolerance and respect and compassion for animals and other people. That's all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 
I am slapping the biggest , goldest star I can find , right in the middle of your forehead. Girl, if I could give you a hug, shake your hand and salute you from here, I would. 

Your attitude of wanting to bring horse to those that could only wish from the sidelines really touched my heart. I was that little girl, too. And I didn't have anyone like you to share that passion with me. I am so glad that you have this in mind. It will bear fruit that you cannot yet see, but be sure it will be there.


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## MapleAir

Delfina said:


> Perhaps a request for a public apology for the rude remark is in order?
> 
> I wouldn't remove the kids but I sure would want the mom to come apologize in front of all the kids.


 
I get your point, but see, I think if I were to request an apology, I'd in a way give her an audience. It was only her, me and 5 kids there when she said it and I think it's more beneficial when the 3 other childrens parents and myself sit them down (the two other kids were the monster's own) and explain that this is not appropriate behaviour but not make a big stink about it because most of the kids I'm sure don't even think in the direction "xy might be a bad rider / less of a person because she is bigger", an official apology would only direct them there. I'm not a mother myself but I trust that the 2 sets of parents involved (the parents of the 3 other kids) handled the issue very sensitively and the removal of all parents from our activities is a good thing for sure. 

I keep wondering what I would have said if there had been no children around... This has fortunately been the first time that I got attacked like this ever and I hadn't even given it a thought before it happened. Would I have told her to stick her opinion where the sun don't shine or just walked away? I don't know. 

Did any of you have an encounter like this before and what did you do?


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## afatgirlafathorse

MapleAir said:


> See, that's exactly it, I didn't want to take it out on the kids, they are actually very sweet *must have a nice dad with that monster of a mother* and what I did was sit the other kids down and explained that it is not the childrens fault that their mother said something mean to me. One of the older kids got very upset and defensive over that remark and told her mom.
> 
> I don't want to cause a stir it was just such a surreal situation that I was completely out of control. And I wouldn't loose it in front of the kids ever. They deserve better than that.
> 
> As sad as it is though, the whole story kinda eats on my self esteem. When I was 160 lbs, I was at my best riding level ever. Now, at 200 lbs, I'm less flexible and I had to give up my competition horse due to old age. My new gelding is inexperienced and we have a long way ahead of us.
> 
> Long story short, I wonder if there was more truth to what she said then I want to admit.


I was also a childless 4H leader leading light horse for horseless kids and in the end, it was ultimately a nasty mother who ended that for me, berating me via email for "constantly disappointing the kids" when I had to reschedule meetings due to personal issues (the biggest slap to the face was that she and her son live with a man who was once charged with assault on her own son and she dares to tell ME that I am the one disappointing her son??).

I am sorry you had to deal with this - I did not ever have to deal with this sort of issue, I have no idea what I would do but I definitely think removing the parents from the equation was a good move.


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## texasgal

IMO .. she wouldn't have said it if the kids WEREN'T around ... they were the perfect shield.

Had you reacted, YOU would have been the bad 4H leader..

What a witch!


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## tinyliny

MapleAir said:


> I get your point, but see, I think if I were to request an apology, I'd in a way give her an audience. It was only her, me and 5 kids there when she said it and I think it's more beneficial when the 3 other childrens parents and myself sit them down (the two other kids were the monster's own) and explain that this is not appropriate behaviour but not make a big stink about it because most of the kids I'm sure don't even think in the direction "xy might be a bad rider / less of a person because she is bigger", an official apology would only direct them there. I'm not a mother myself but I trust that the 2 sets of parents involved (the parents of the 3 other kids) handled the issue very sensitively and the removal of all parents from our activities is a good thing for sure.
> 
> I keep wondering what I would have said if there had been no children around... This has fortunately been the first time that I got attacked like this ever and I hadn't even given it a thought before it happened. Would I have told her to stick her opinion where the sun don't shine or just walked away? I don't know.
> 
> Did any of you have an encounter like this before and what did you do?


 
again, you are demonstrating leadership and common sense here. 

Once, I had an argument with a runner in the park. I had had a bad experience when runner with an off lease dog came around a corner suddenly and my horse spun and I blew out my hamstring muscles (no riding 6 weeks). That really made me wary and defensive if I saw runners with off leash dogs , or ones who don't see the horse because they are looking at the ground and wearing head phones, and run smack into a horse, dead on.

So, one day, a woman was running toward me, headphones on lookind at her feet. "Hello!" I shout , several times as she is approaching rapidly. She nearly runs dead into me and when she sees me, she starts and takes out the headphones. "oh, sorry" , she says. But I am now ****ed. I scold her. She say's , "I said I was sorry, didn't I?" But, I keep scolding her as I ride away. She follows up with , "I said I was sorry, didn't I? you fat ***!"

I replied, "Oh, that's great. that really is grown up. whatever . . . "

But, it kind of stung. I hadn't been called a "fat ***" in like . . . . ever. But, now it's a great laugh for me, and I do have a fat ***.


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## smokinindigoblue

im a plus sized rider and i have had people tell me to get a bigger horse cause ill never be able to doanything with one so small when im so big i then laugh at their faces as i come out of the ring with either a grand champion or reserve champion in everything i do


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## Iseul

I'll go ahead and say I weigh 220lbs, but I have a balanced seat and can ride that 14.1h pony and win a barrel class. Im just as flexible as someone else that only weighs say, 120lbs.
In school I had someone tell me they felt bad for my horse, and I told them I feel bad for their unhealthy body. So what you're a skinny little girl? I can eat food and still be healthy and fit.

Now..this would be the reason im NOT helping with the 4h. I wouldve drug her by her hair and smashed her pretty little face against the wall, multiple times. Im sure she doesnt ride, can barely handle a deadbroke horse, and has her own self esteem issues. While I wouldn't kick her kids out, it would be very known she wasnt welcome at any of the meetings. The father is more than welcome to come though.
Id also make sure to tell your 4h board/head/whathaveyou. Like said by others, she can very well twist it and go to them, getting you in trouble.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sahara

The mother who said this clearly has self-esteem issues. She can only feel good about herself while cutting others down. Her comment says way more about her than it does you! Do NOT give an ounce of credence to anything she said to you. Swat that comment away as if it were nothing more than an irritating fly and hold your head up high.


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## geekwithahorse

I don't even know how to respond to that... not 100% sure I want to sign my daughter up for 4-H after that story! I can say, people ask me how I get on my horse... I'm 6'1" tall, my horse is an 18.1hh Belgian draft horse, and for the record, I am NOT a small man. I have had the occasionally barbie-esque gal ask me why I have a draft, and my reply was simply this: "Lady, no matter how big my butt gets, it will still look small on this horse!"


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## horsietori

MapleAir said:


> Hey everyone,
> 
> I was in a situation the other day that still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.
> 
> I'm a 4-H leader, end 20's and have been riding for 20+ years. I'm always trying to set a good example for the kids at 4-H (wearing a helmet, showing them extra stuff, showing off good horsemanship etc) and we were discussing different types of saddles the other day.
> 
> I have a few new kids in my group which I think is great because naturally, the ones who have been in 4-H longer help them out and everyone advances together. Anyway, here I am, showing them my English and Western saddles of different makes and styles and discussing the differences, what they do while riding etc. One of my older kids recognized my brand new English saddle and pointed out that this was the saddle we used when I led them around on my own horse. One of the present mothers squeeles (not in delight) "You don't seriously ride, do you?" Me (in that moment just a bit baffled): "Of course I do. Why do you think I'm a 4-H leader and have 3 different saddles?" With a disgusted look, the mother snorts: "Well, being a leader, I thought you'd have more common sense than to park that huge **** of yours on a helpless horse." Only for the sake of the kids could I manage to stay calm and not hurt anyone.
> 
> For real? Talk like that in front of a group of 8-12 year olds? Your won 2 kids amongst them? To someone who donates their time to educate your kids?
> 
> I'm sure others have experienced comments like that as well. What do you say in a situation like that?


First of all, what an ungreatful BI**H!!! How RUDE!!! You spend all YOUR time helping HER children and you get treated like that??? I would say "I'm so sorry you feel you have to say rude things to others in front of children and I hope it makes you feel better about yourself. Maybe you would like to show us how to post correctly for an hour? I have over 20 years of knowing how to PREVENT injuries to my horse. If you feel so strongly about me, then please leave."


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## gogaited

I've been thin and I've been fat. People are shallow and weak minded. Fat people are the only "group" left where it is still socially acceptable to berate and humiliate.


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## Barrel Baby

what a terrible thing to say!!! what is wrong with people these days??? Glad you handled it well! dont listen to her!!!!


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## Le007

There is no accounting for why some people have no manners. My first thought, an adult that acts poorly as she did- must WANT to be the center of attention. So, if she ever does it again, let her BE the center of attention. 
I would stop what I'm doing and ask her if she has something to say to you outloud? Let her repeat her comment. Then, proceed to tell all the children why being rude and making unkind comments is a form of bullying. It's something they should not do. 
Then, simply proceed. 
Hold your head up and be who you are. Don't allow someone that kind of power over you. : )


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## star16

How dare she! Let's see her get up on a horse and do what you can do!


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## Suzanne6801

*Rude comment..*

I would have to say after making a comment such as that, its pretty obvious who was the "huge ****" in that situation. Ride on my friend :wink:


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## Dustbunny

I think parents should be banned from kids' activities...Little League, dance class, riding lessons. Sheesh! What a rude woman. But try not to give her any room in your head. Best to continue on as if she doesn't exist. I think that is the best example you can set for the kids in your group.
However, if she does interfere or if her attitude does spill over to her kids then you may have to take steps for the benefit of the group. Hopefully that will not happen.


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## Sunshine82

I can't imagine this being an easy situation and I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this. 

The mom is being a bully, and I'd make sure that everyone in the group parents and children alike are all told that bullying by anyone will not be tolerated. Maybe she will get a warning and if it happens again she can wait in her vehicle while the kids get to participate in the class. It's not fair to kick them out but with all the anti-bullying stuff going on out there maybe she just needs to know that's essentially what she is. Maybe pointing that out to her will help her to realize what she did was wrong...because I bet you she hasn't thought of her comment since it came out of her mouth.


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