# Having to give up my horse of 15 years...This is so hard on me



## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I, too, have had my horse for 16 yrs, and could not imagine having to let him go.
I am more concerned about your relationship with husband, however. He is the absolute boss, you have no say? I know there are all types of relationships out there, I hope you are able to stand up for yourself.
Yes, sometimes finances are such that we have to give things up. There are ways to Try and work around it. 
For example, maybe there is a teen living near you who could come and do daily horse chorse in exchange for riding.
Or you could lease the horse to someone, so you still own him, although he would be kept somewhere else. 
Perhaps you could donate him to a riding barn, and they will let you come visit him.
I really hope you can work something out, and that your husband can understand how difficult this is for you.
Have you talked to him about it? Does he have any hobbies or interests that would help him understand your position?


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

Skipsfirstspike said:


> I am so sorry for what you are going through. I, too, have had my horse for 16 yrs, and could not imagine having to let him go.
> I am more concerned about your relationship with husband, however. He is the absolute boss, you have no say? I know there are all types of relationships out there, I hope you are able to stand up for yourself.
> Yes, sometimes finances are such that we have to give things up. There are ways to Try and work around it.
> For example, maybe there is a teen living near you who could come and do daily horse chorse in exchange for riding.
> ...



No, my husband isn't the absolute boss, we've been fighting about this for months and months. And then it dies down, and then starts back up again. He's not as bad as.. maybe how I wrote it up to be, it's just.. hard for me. No he doesn't have any hobbies or interests that he can relate to. He just.. he's never had anything like that in his life, so he doesn't understand. I cry and tell him all the time how I feel about everything, and he says he can "understand" and that he "feels bad" but then he makes me feel guilty about our finances, and about our life, and how we have a litle on the way and that those things are more important than "any horse". There aren't any local barns around here, cept the place that hubby called last night who I can't stand, and I can't stand their place at all. We live in northern maine, in the boonies, it's totally different than other area's. There's NOTHING around here. As for a teen or something, one being we hardly know anyone around here, and two people that we do know aren't into things like that, or aren't reliable enough. I was thinking about leasing him but no one around here wants to.. everyone is in southern maine which is hours and hours away from me.. if I were to lease him I'd want it to be at least an hour or two away so I can "keep tabs".. I've been try ing to get ahold of a woman I know who's local she has horses, kids, owns a kennel, part of a local riding club and stuff like that but I can't seem to get ahold of her.... hopefully she gets back intouch before it's too late. At least that way I know he'd have a good home, and I'd be able to see him when I want, and even ride... but... I dont know. I just don't know what to do...


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

> But Jason kept s aying that Dream needs to go by this weekend, or I'll give him away


The fact that you are rehoming your horse doesn't bother me as much as the fact that your husband is basically doing it against your will. This does not sound like a mutal decision, it sounds like your husband doing what he wants, because he wants it, and not considering you at all.

Personally if any man ever tried to sell my horse or rehome my animals out from under me there would be hell to pay, and I *would not allow it*. 

And he **** well would be sleeping on the sofa for a good long time for even trying it. 

I don't really understand this mentality that the husband makes the final decisions and what he says goes. 

This is your relationship and it's not anyone's business how your husband treats you or what you behavior you allow from him, so I will stop my ranting now. Except to say that if you allow this to happen and are really as attached to this horse as you say you are, then you may always resent your husband for it. 

If you don't want to sell your horse, don't sell him. If you do want to sell him, then let the people come take him tomorrow and don't object.


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## BeautyDylan (Sep 10, 2009)

If my fiance tried making me give my pet (cat) up it would be bye bye fiance not bye bye cat. Just my opinion.


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## anndankev (Aug 9, 2010)

I feel so badly for you and the duress you are under, and hope you can find a resolution that will ease your mind. 

I feel like Dream deserves to stay at home with you, for the rest of his life. And I feel that you deserve to get to keep him. Your pregnancy and the current conditions where you need help with the daily care of him is only temporary, very short-term. 

The horse may be sensing the attitude of the caregiver, and when you do get to see him he may sense your stress too. Again, this is only temporary until you can get back to the daily care of him.

I truly hope that the people around you can see that the best thing to do right now is to take care of you and the baby, remove this pressure from you and just help with the daily care of the horse for a little while.


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## twh (Feb 1, 2010)

Some questions:

1) How long has Dream been without another horse?
2) How often is he ridden or lunged?
3) What do you think will happen to him at this barn you don't like?

As others have pointed out, your husband's attitude is incomprehensible, especially since he must know your feelings about this horse. Honestly, feed for one horse isn't that expensive! How can he give away your horse?: he's your horse, it's your name on the bill of sale.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ilovemyPhillip (Apr 4, 2009)

Honestly, if anyone sold my horse against my will, I would call the police. I know he is your hubby and you love him.. Try and make him sell something HE loves dearly. I bet he won't want to. If he does, that's his loss.
Don't let him get rid of your horse.


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## Saddlebag (Jan 17, 2011)

Many men don't understand a woman's attachment to a horse and some men are jealous. When a friend's hubby had been complaining about her horse I asked him if he'd rather she spent her spare time in the bar or the barn? He quickly weighed the options and decided the barn wasn't so bad after all.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Is this a new attitude/behavior on his part or is he generally dictatorial and controlling like that?
Regardless of what he says, what do you want? Do YOU want to keep Dream or are you in agreement that it is best for everyone involved, including Dream, that he be placed in a new home?
Have you explored options for keeping him that would address the concerns you have - ie a free lease to someone which would alleviate the concern of you providing his care and exercise during the rest of your pregnancy and when the baby is new?
Either way, I can't help but think this situation is highlighting a bigger issue at play within your marriage which you also need to address.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. At the end of the day your husband cannot force you to get rid of the horse, unless you allow him to. 

I personally would not allow anyone to dominate me in that way.


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

Hi Dawn,
My heart goes out to you, and even though you don't know me from a can of paint, I'm sending you a huge hug over the Internet. Please, take a deep breath, make yourself a cup of tea or whatever you like to drink, and try to relax for two minutes. You've got so much on your plate right now, and you're so young to be having a baby while dealing with all this. I agree with the previous posters that marriages generally don't do well when unilateral decisions are made. But maybe your husband is feeling overwhelmed and scared too, for you and your child, and this is his way of dealing with it. In his mind, he's getting rid of the source of the problem, and I doubt he realizes that his actions may drive a permanent wedge between you. I'd suggest you sit down with him tonight and discuss it in the most calm, rational manner you can. Of course it's a hugely emotional subject, but you know how men are - if you start getting hysterical he'll just tune out and stop listening. If you present him with a list of viable options, but tell him that he has to give you time to investigate them all, he's more likely to listen - and you're more likely to come out of this with an intact relationship.

As for your options: others have made good suggestions, like local teens, riding schools, etc. There is also petfinder.com, where lots of horses are listed - you can reach so many more people that way. If your horse is sound and rideable I'll bet someone will be thrilled to take him and care for him, and return him when you're able to cope.

It sounds like you don't have a lot of friends or family close by that you can lean on, so I hope you make lots of new friends, both now & after your baby is born. You need people to lean on! Pregnancy is already such an emotional time... and maybe you can also remind your husband that whatever stress and sadness you're experiencing, his child is feeling as well, because right now you ARE your child's entire environment. So it's in his best interests to keep you calm and happy!

I also agree with the poster who said that maybe your horse is reacting to your stress; horses are very sensitive barometers of our emotional states, and if he feels that you're stressed and worried, it may be making him act out. Once you're feeling better about things, Dream likely will too. I love his name, btw 

Finally, congratulations on almost being a mommy!!! Please keep us posted (haha) on what happens with you, Dream, and the baby.


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## Beauseant (Oct 22, 2010)

I can see no reason why a pregnant woman cannot own a horse.

I can see no reason why a mother of an infant cannot own a horse.

I can see no reason why a mother of a toddler cannot own a horse.

Shall I go on or just make the point that someone using pregnancy or the coming child as a reason for why you need to sell your horse is brainwashing at it's most basic level.


I'm trying very hard to not sound harsh, but the bottom line, as I see it, is that your husband wants the horse gone and will use brainwashing or guilt (as in "think of the child" statements) or confrontation to see that HIS will be done.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

mgarzon said:


> Hi Dawn,
> My heart goes out to you, and even though you don't know me from a can of paint, I'm sending you a huge hug over the Internet. Please, take a deep breath, make yourself a cup of tea or whatever you like to drink, and try to relax for two minutes. You've got so much on your plate right now, and you're so young to be having a baby while dealing with all this. I agree with the previous posters that marriages generally don't do well when unilateral decisions are made. But maybe your husband is feeling overwhelmed and scared too, for you and your child, and this is his way of dealing with it. In his mind, he's getting rid of the source of the problem, and I doubt he realizes that his actions may drive a permanent wedge between you. I'd suggest you sit down with him tonight and discuss it in the most calm, rational manner you can. Of course it's a hugely emotional subject, but you know how men are - if you start getting hysterical he'll just tune out and stop listening. If you present him with a list of viable options, but tell him that he has to give you time to investigate them all, he's more likely to listen - and you're more likely to come out of this with an intact relationship.
> 
> As for your options: others have made good suggestions, like local teens, riding schools, etc. There is also petfinder.com, where lots of horses are listed - you can reach so many more people that way. If your horse is sound and rideable I'll bet someone will be thrilled to take him and care for him, and return him when you're able to cope.
> ...


this is the best advice you can get over the internet. Really nice post.


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## MsKibibi (Oct 2, 2010)

As a newlywed myself (almost 2 years married), I can honestly say that I know how rough the first year of marriage can be at times. Coupled with the fact that you're pregnant just makes everything heightened. 

For what its worth, here's my two cents: Don't make any decisions right now while you're still pregnant or even for a few months after you give birth. You both need time to calm down and refocus on something other than the horse (which is probably NOT the real issue but a symptom of something else). 

See if you can lease the horse for a few months until things calm down. Your horse has probably known you longer than your husband has. Granted that you took a vow, that doesn't mean that who you were before you got married disappears. You are still you, with your same passions as before. Don't allow something to happen that you will regret. Resentment is not the way to start the second year of marriage. 

Do what you can to temporarily alleviate the issue (ex. leasing the horse). Explain to your husband why leasing is more beneficial because it will generate income for the family, or whatever will "reach" him.


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

aww, thanks. I'm new to HF but so far I really like what I'm reading here - it's got a great vibe. I was on the COTH forum for a while but this one just seems friendlier, and I hope that Dawn feels some of support that people are obviously willing to give her.


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## mysticalhorse (Apr 27, 2011)

Hi Dawn, 

I am a mother to 4 kids ranging from 10-2 yrs old and we have 2 horses. Both of which just had to have costly vet care over the last 2months....dang barbwire! My husband "likes" horses, hates the work involved, & the cost but he know just how much they mean to me so he is willing to have hot dogs & raman noodles when we have too. He gets upset but doesnt ever push me to sell/re-home them. I am selling one because she is more horse than I can handle but if it takes 6 months to do it then thats fine. I will continue to work with her & care for her all the while my hubby works to bring home the bacon. He wants her to go to a good home too.

I understand venting!!!! Oh do I ever!!! But there is one thing that I got from your post that bothered me. Your horses started have issues after your husband took over care for him? Or did I read it wrong? Could your hubby be so upset that he possibly has taken his anger out on "a big dumb animal" as most people who arent horsey feel they are? Just trying to understand......

I'm so sorry your dealing with all of this so late in your pregnancy! Take care of yourself & the baby!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

Thanks everyone for all the support.. and it's not that my hubby is bad, and he does feel bad about everything, but alot of it is A- he doesn't want the responsibility of a horse, nor the financial aspect and B- which is most of all, he admitted because he doesn't want me to get hurt while pregnant, or something happen, or after the baby's born.
Hubby works for a farmer so he pulls about 70-80some hours a week and he's always so tired he just doesn't want to deal with any "responsibilty" of a horse... I know, deep down.. the way things have been for a while now, and will be after the baby is born that it's the best thing for Dream.. but it kills me..
and yes 
Dream did get taken away today.. by the place that I hate the most.. it's not a "bad" place, just not my cup of tea.. and of course the guy admitted to me that he would work with him and then sell him.. my heart is broken.. i feel as if 3/4 of my life has gone with him. I've had Dream since I was 8yrs old, known him since I was 7 and i'm now 23. .. 
I know I may sound just "emotional" right now but I think my love of horses just left my heart.. We went out to lunch after to get away from the house, and as I passed by a few places with horses I just cried.. we just got back, and as we pulled in all I could do was look at the empty pasture, and down at the barn and know that my boy is gone. and will be.. 
Jason didn't push me to do this this morning, we were actually thi nking of different scereno's but we hardly know anyone.. and ppol around here just don't "lease" it's not like a very populated area, or "horsey" area at that.. it's different then otehr places.. and we dont know any teens that are even into horses.. I'm just heartbroken... I feel as if a part of me has died today. I know, I should be happy about this baby, which of course I am.. but to me, right now. .all that matters to me is Dream.. and he is now not mine..


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## anndankev (Aug 9, 2010)

Oh dear, I felt your post in the pit of my stomach.
All my sympathy,
Ann


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## DancingArabian (Jul 15, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear that you're having so much trouble and that your husband really doesn't get it. I worry for your marriage because I think if he makes you give up your friend, you will hold it against your husband and resent him for it (which he would absolutely deserve!).


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

dawndalebout said:


> No, my husband isn't the absolute boss, we've been fighting about this for months and months. And then it dies down, and then starts back up again. He's not as bad as.. maybe how I wrote it up to be, it's just.. hard for me. No he doesn't have any hobbies or interests that he can relate to. He just.. he's never had anything like that in his life, so he doesn't understand. I cry and tell him all the time how I feel about everything, and he says he can "understand" and that he "feels bad" but then he makes me feel guilty about our finances, and about our life, and how we have a litle on the way and that those things are more important than "any horse". There aren't any local barns around here, cept the place that hubby called last night who I can't stand, and I can't stand their place at all. We live in northern maine, in the boonies, it's totally different than other area's. There's NOTHING around here. As for a teen or something, one being we hardly know anyone around here, and two people that we do know aren't into things like that, or aren't reliable enough. I was thinking about leasing him but no one around here wants to.. everyone is in southern maine which is hours and hours away from me.. if I were to lease him I'd want it to be at least an hour or two away so I can "keep tabs".. I've been try ing to get ahold of a woman I know who's local she has horses, kids, owns a kennel, part of a local riding club and stuff like that but I can't seem to get ahold of her.... hopefully she gets back intouch before it's too late. At least that way I know he'd have a good home, and I'd be able to see him when I want, and even ride... but... *I dont know. I just don't know what to do..*.


First, put your foot down. You had Dream when you guys met. He knew what he was getting into then and it's not in the LEAST fair that he should be pulling all this on you. Dream is YOUR horse, has always BEEN your horse and hubby KNEW that when he married you.

What I would say, personally, aside from booting dear hubby out the door(which is what I would do!) Is tell him to give you time to find someone to lease him. It should be pretty easy to find a lessee and then your husband might change his tune. When Dream is not such a financial drain. 

In my opinion, Dream was there before he was, and it's not his decision. I could rant for hours about this, but I would say sit hubby down, explain to him that you need to keep Dream, get someone to lease him and that will help ease tensions, financially.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Dusty1228 said:


> First, put your foot down. You had Dream when you guys met. He knew what he was getting into then and it's not in the LEAST fair that he should be pulling all this on you. Dream is YOUR horse, has always BEEN your horse and hubby KNEW that when he married you.
> 
> What I would say, personally, aside from booting dear hubby out the door(which is what I would do!) Is tell him to give you time to find someone to lease him. It should be pretty easy to find a lessee and then your husband might change his tune. When Dream is not such a financial drain.
> 
> In my opinion, Dream was there before he was, and it's not his decision. I could rant for hours about this, but I would say sit hubby down, explain to him that you need to keep Dream, get someone to lease him and that will help ease tensions, financially.


Too late - the OP updated this morning (towards bottom of page 2) and the horse is gone.


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

themacpack said:


> Too late - the OP updated this morning (towards bottom of page 2) and the horse is gone.


 I did just notice that. I think somehow I skipped an entire PAGE of posts.
:-(


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I am sorry that Dream has gone.


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

> Dream did get taken away today.. by the place that I hate the most.. it's not a "bad" place, just not my cup of tea.. and of course the guy admitted to me that he would work with him and then sell him.. my heart is broken.. I feel as if 3/4 of my life has gone with him.


You allowed the horse you 'love' you go to a place you hate. Because your husband said so. Why bother asking for advice about this? I think you knew this would happen all along and had no intention of stopping him. 

Maybe you even wanted it to happen because you didn't want the responsibility either, thinking the baby would take up all your time, and it's just easier to blame the hubby.

This reminds me of all the phone calls I've gotten from pregnant women who are crying on the phone because they don't want to give up their dog, but their husband hates it. Oh, and they can't afford training/husband doesn't believe in training/think training is useless. But they'd like me to fix their problem for them. 

No. What they want is for me to tell them it's not their fault, they've done everything they could, and they should just get rid of the dog now. That no pregnant woman has ever owned a dog and they are nuts to think it will work. They want me to make them feel less guilty about the decision they've already made. 

This strikes me as the same type of situation. Bottom line. If you wanted your horse so badly, you would have kept him.

FYI, pregnant women own horses too. It happens all the time. Contrary to popular belief there is a way to make it work.


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## MsKibibi (Oct 2, 2010)

Wow that was fast. There's not much to say/do about it now. I really hope for the sake of your marriage that you don't resent him or your baby for it. Sadly, people have resented their loved ones for way less than giving up a beloved childhood friend.


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## Cacowgirl (Feb 19, 2011)

So very sad, & it all happened so fast. I've had to give up animals at different times of my life & it's so painful. I hope you can get back to pet or horse owning when your life is a bit calmer. Best wishes to you.


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

coffeeaddict said:


> You allowed the horse you 'love' you go to a place you hate. Because your husband said so. Why bother asking for advice about this? I think you knew this would happen all along and had no intention of stopping him.
> 
> Maybe you even wanted it to happen because you didn't want the responsibility either, thinking the baby would take up all your time, and it's just easier to blame the hubby.
> 
> ...


Ah, you are either a rescuer or a trainer, I suspect! :lol: I sympathize. I have had to rehome numerous small animals because of pregnancies and/or husbands. I'm not going to go on a tangent here, but I am just gonna throw you a cyber hug and keep my mouth shut.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

Dusty1228 said:


> Ah, you are either a rescuer or a trainer, I suspect! :lol: I sympathize. I have had to rehome numerous small animals because of pregnancies and/or husbands. I'm not going to go on a tangent here, but I am just gonna throw you a cyber hug and keep my mouth shut.


....x2


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

Dusty, I'm a trainer. Perhaps I should not have gone off on a tangent either. This is just a subject that annoys me quite easily.

Not even a week ago I had someone call me up with the exact same story as the OP but with a dog instead of a horse. Pregnant, husband hated the dog, was going to give the dog away without her permission, she wanted a last ditch effort to save him, etc. etc. 

This happens way too often. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but no, it's still as disappointing as it ever was.


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

coffeeaddict said:


> Dusty, I'm a trainer. Perhaps I should not have gone off on a tangent either. This is just a subject that annoys me quite easily.
> 
> Not even a week ago I had someone call me up with the exact same story as the OP but with a dog instead of a horse. Pregnant, husband hated the dog, was going to give the dog away without her permission, she wanted a last ditch effort to save him, etc. etc.
> 
> This happens way too often. You would think I'd be used to it by now, but no, it's still as disappointing as it ever was.



I see no reason for you to have held back, you didn't say anything out of the way, IMHO. 
I don't know if you ever get used to it, and other excuses, I know I haven't and I have to grit my teeth and smile and play nice, while trying to stifle the disappointment and hurt on behalf of the animal.

My all time favorite is how they just love the animal so much, but he is DEFINITELY going to the pound unless I can come out RIGHT NOW and get him, because the baby is due in 3 months and...I drive 27 miles at 9:30 at night and have to turn around in the A.M. and do it all over again, because I didn't move fast enough and they just sent a 14 year old, blind, but MUCH LOVED dog to the pound... Didn't I say I wasn't going to rant?

But, no, no matter what type of animal it is, it is always very hard and I don't think it will ever get easier to hear/witness these things, which to us, make no sense. 

Did NOT mean to hijack this thread.


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## Daisy25 (May 29, 2011)

Well, here's another side to the coin....

Maybe they really cannot afford to properly care for a horse at this time?

The OP is young and newly married.

Who was caring for the horse before the marriage? Some combination of the OP and her parents?

Now, the newlyweds are probably struggling BIG TIME to make ends meet. The OP has been unable to care for the horse herself since becoming pregnant...implying that she is not doing well or that their is some other concern there. The husband, who already works 70 to 80 hours per week, is now coming come to take care of the OP, the house, and the horse...and maybe he is NOT willing to eat top ramen for dinner after all that in order to keep the horse.

And the husband is probably stressed out over already-stretched-too-thin finances - pretty common in expectant fathers - worried about how much worse things could get after the baby comes...

and thinking that things just cannot continue this way...

and maybe the OP, in her heart, knows that he is right ?


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## anndankev (Aug 9, 2010)

Daisy25 said:


> and maybe the OP, in her heart, knows that he is right ?


 
Brainwashing does that to a person. (Or a horse for that matter).


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

Well, I'm sure you're right, that any and/or all of those things are a factor and might be the case. There is definitely not enough history to tell for sure about what may have led up to this outcome. 

The HF listener part of me sends my heart out to the OP because I'm sure it was terribly hard on her and will continue to be hard and possibly get harder. There are so many unknowns and what is done is done, it is impossible to give other advice, which is what I thought the OP was initially seeking. 

The horse owner part of me puts itself in that situation and says well, DH can take a flying leap. Would I choose my horse over my S.O.? Yes, in a milisecond, but I would never be with someone who would even suggest such a thing, no matter how hard times got. But that's ME and my OWN life, so who can dictate to someone else and their situation, not I.

The rescuer part of me, which I was discussing with coffeeaddict, hears this every single day and it's hard. It's hard on all parties, but most of all its hard on the animal, who is always my first concern. But, since this was not a rescue situation, nor a training situation, coffee & I just hit on a common ground for a moment, which does not allow us to make decisions or take actions. However, we were both of the same mind when it came to the animal.

I wish the OP well, as I am sure more than one issue will arise from the decisions that had to be made so quickly. I'm sure there is hurt, and guilt and upset, but in the end, coffee was right. It was her DECISION, whether seemingly forced or not. Situational or not. 
That is all. I shall shut my fat trap.


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

Sometimes there just isn't a perfect solution. Financial stress is hard on anyone, let alone a young couple awaiting their first child. Maybe you can keep track of Dream, and follow his progress - but chances are that he'll be fine. Horses don't worry about the future the way we do  I wish you all the best!


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## Daisy25 (May 29, 2011)

Dusty1228 said:


> ... I would never be with someone who would even suggest such a thing, no matter how hard times got.... .


Well, I think that's the key, really...

How "hard" do things have to get ? For some folks even a minor setback will be enough to dump their animal. And in those situations, I agree with you completely - it's a terrible, needless hardship on an animal.

To the other extreme - folks will keep an animal long after they've lost the ability to provide proper care for it. That is _also_ a terrible, needless hardship on an animal.

So where is the line? At what point does one decide that the best, most caring, loving thing they can do for a beloved pet is to find it a new home?

Maybe the OP felt she was reaching that line...?


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

You know, I'm new to HF, but I'm finding I really like the conversations here. People generally seem thoughtful and considerate in their responses, and there is a refreshing lack of attitude.

Poor OP; it's a tough situation all around, but I think it's useless to ascribe malicious motives to the husband. We don't know the man and haven't heard his viewpoint, and as Daisy25 pointed out, there really may be good reasons for finding Dream a new home. It's just sad for the horse and girl. Reading about all this has made me relive the time I had to part from a beloved horse for financial reasons, too. It was a different situation - I broke my back, had surgery, and couldn't work for over a year since I was working with horses at the time. But it was devastating to me at the time; I swore I wouldn't get another horse unless I was sure I could keep him/her forever... and I haven't owned one since. I think I'll be posting my story elsewhere on this forum, in fact, if I can find an appropriate category for it. It's been a long time since I've thought about it.


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

Daisy25 said:


> Well, I think that's the key, really...
> 
> How "hard" do things have to get ? For some folks even a minor setback will be enough to dump their animal. And in those situations, I agree with you completely - it's a terrible, needless hardship on an animal.
> 
> ...


I definitely must agree with you. And love for an animal can sometimes be torture, if you don't want to let it go, even though you should. 
Maybe OP WAS toeing the line, at that, but it didn't come across that way, which is another problem with the unknowns, as well. I don't KNOW if that was the case.

It did just SEEM as if husband doesn't want to care for this animal anymore, so he must go. Bottom line. Is that how it actually is? I'm sure there are more factors. I'm not condemning anybody, just being opinionated.


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

Just another cyberhug hijack for coffee addict and dusty. I had a dog in the past given up after 7 years because the family just couldn't handle him and their 2nd baby. He was too much trouble. The dog was 11 years old, had to adjust to a new life and home. All he ever did was sleep and go in the backyard. I still don't see how he could've been that much hassle... oh well. He was with me a year before bone cancer took him and their loss was MY gain. I miss him still. And I am still angry at the lame excuses people give to dump pets when they become inconvenient. (I volunteer in rescue)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dusty1228 (Dec 2, 2010)

Dresden said:


> Just another cyberhug hijack for coffee addict and dusty. I had a dog in the past given up after 7 years because the family just couldn't handle him and their 2nd baby. He was too much trouble. The dog was 11 years old, had to adjust to a new life and home. All he ever did was sleep and go in the backyard. I still don't see how he could've been that much hassle... oh well. He was with me a year before bone cancer took him and their loss was MY gain. I miss him still. And I am still angry at the lame excuses people give to dump pets when they become inconvenient. (I volunteer in rescue)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*high five* It's heart breaking, but so fulfilling when you are there to catch those falling animals! I am glad you got the chance to take care of your new dog and that he had a loving home for his remaining year. Rescuing is a dirty, disheartening job. <3


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

> Maybe the OP felt she was reaching that line...?


If that was the case then just say you are rehoming the horse because you feel it's best for everyone involved and you've weighed all the options. People rehome horses everyday, if you do it thoughtfully and consider the horse's best interest I have no problem with it.

She did not say anything close to that though, she instead made it all about how her husband is giving her horse away, how much she will miss him and how he's going to a place she hates. 

I just have no sympathy for that. Life is a series of choices and she made hers. 

Dresden, that dog was so lucky you got him. I'm sure he had a great last year.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

Well, I have to comment on the whole husband-bashing thing that seems to be going on here: Lay Off! 

Man, how many of you in long term marriages (I'm close to 25 yrs now) have had to make allowances and comprises that you didn't like? And how many did your spouse have to make that s/he didn't like? LOTS! That's marriage. The OP stated this wasn't something that came up out of the blue and she understands her husbands concerns. How about everyone just give her a great big hug and stop telling her that she needs to stand up to him, or how he doesn't understand, etc. etc. etc... 

Granted, if we had been given more time, maybe we could have come up with some options for them to have the horse lay low for a year or so, just to give everyone time to settle in to their new lives. But, that wasn't the case here.

Dawn -- here are hugs to you for your loss and hugs to you for your marriage. Hugs for baby too.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

I would never speculate on anyones relationship baised on just a few words from a forum, but it was on this very forum in a thread a while back that several members gave the advice that your relationship should always come first. Especially at such a young age you both have so much to learn about relationships and eachother. Guaranteed, you will both make mistakes, this might have been one of his. I know the feeling of being willing to give up everything to hold on to someone you care about. I also know what it feels like to be married to someone who exhausts themselves mentally and physically everyday. It's tough, and who's to say they are the only ones who are not being understanding. It is no ones business what order you put your priorities in, but IMHO a husband should come before a horse. And from what it sounds like, he is not just doing this to be mean. He has legitimate reasons.

I will be the first to admit that I'm selfish when it comes to my horses. My husband doesn't necessarily agree with me having them, but I still watch him work extra hard as an electrician in 110 degree weather to support my passion. If he were to finally say "I'm done", that's not my decision. I'm not the one that goes to work everyday, and while I do stay home with our children, it is not nearly as labor intensive has his job. I'm lucky that my husband kills himself for me, but I would understand if he wanted to start enjoying life a little more, even if that meant working a little less.

To assume the OP's husband doesn't care about his wifes feelings is a little presumptuous. Try understanding where he might be coming from. It might be that neither one of them is really thinking about the other's feelings, a common mistake in young marriages. Someone needs to make a sacrifice, this time it was you, next time it will be him. Make it a good one.


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## themacpack (Jul 16, 2009)

NorthernMama said:


> Well, I have to comment on the whole husband-bashing thing that seems to be going on here: Lay Off!
> 
> Man, how many of you in long term marriages (I'm close to 25 yrs now) have had to make allowances and comprises that you didn't like? And how many did your spouse have to make that s/he didn't like? LOTS! That's marriage. The OP stated this wasn't something that came up out of the blue and she understands her husbands concerns. How about everyone just give her a great big hug and stop telling her that she needs to stand up to him, or how he doesn't understand, etc. etc. etc...
> 
> ...


There is a difference, imo, in making a compromise/allowance and one partner dictating to the other. And, yes, I am married - 11 years next month. We have made plenty of compromises in our marriage, but that is not what happened here, imo.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

It is possible that the OP needed dictating. She probably feels resentful because of the situation but in reality it is what needed to happen. Whether you've had a horse for 1 year or 15 years doesn't matter. When it's time for the horse to go, it's time for the horse to go.

I don't agree with bashing the OP for blaming her husband either. In a situation like this it is probably hard for her to admit fault because of the love she had for her horse. I would probably let us go bankrupt before I admitted that time has come if my husband didn't step in. Not to mention the fact that she's pregnant and extremely emotional, so telling her she being a brat playing the blame game isn't a very sympathetic or helpful thing to do.


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

> It is possible that the OP needed dictating.


No one needs to be dictated too unless they are a child. The OP is an adult. If this was a compromise between her and her husband then ok, that's all well and good. But that is not how she described it and we only have what she posted to go by.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

From what I am understanding the OP is practically a child. Being a newlywed can be a hard adjustment. My BIL married a 20 year old and they were divorced in a couple years because his new wife was stuck in a child mentality of "I'm going to throw a fit whenever I don't get my way". That happens when you go from living with your parents to all of a sudden being on your own and wanting everything your way. I'm not saying it's right for one side to be dictated, but if they can't get it through their heads, it might just need to happen.


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## wild_spot (Jan 30, 2008)

Seriously? I OWN my horses. I support my horses. And yes, I am only 21. I will always support my horses, and if anybody thought they had the right to sell my horse from under me, they would be out of my life so fast they wouldn't know what hit them.

My horses are the biggest part of me. They have been with me long before any men entered my life, and will be long after. The husband should always come before the horse? Hogwash. To me, that is saying the husband should come before ME. My horses are a part of ME. It is a package deal - I don't come without the horses.

My boyfriend and I have been together almost three years, and are practically living together. He rolls his eyes when I spend money on my horses, he amuses himself while I am off competeing. He knows/knew full well that I am a horse person, and that is never going to change.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Well, I hate to say this, but if she doesn't work and her husband does, he pays the horses bills and takes care of it, it's his horse. 
I'm sorry this is happening to you, as a newlywed I sold my heart horse so I could afford a house. Sacrifice and compromise are what relationships are made of. My horse will never come before my husband, and my husband would never ask me to unreasonably rehome my horse, and I'm praying for you your young marriage can grow into that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Courtney (May 20, 2011)

What a sad thread. It's stories like this that make me very thankful to have a boyfriend who supports my animal habit. I don't know if he understands my love of animals completely, but he supports it and he tries to learn as much as he can about each animal. He is, thankfully, aware that he has no say over my animals and I'd tell him to take a hike if he ever tried to rehome one out from under me.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

cakemom said:


> Well, I hate to say this, but if she doesn't work and her husband does, he pays the horses bills and takes care of it, it's his horse.
> I'm sorry this is happening to you, as a newlywed I sold my heart horse so I could afford a house. Sacrifice and compromise are what relationships are made of. My horse will never come before my husband, and my husband would never ask me to unreasonably rehome my horse, and I'm praying for you your young marriage can grow into that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This exactly. It would make more sense to say that he had no right to get rid of her horse if she worked and helped to support the horse. It's a very sad situation, and I feel for the OP, but no one really knows how badly the horse might have needed to go.

It would be great if everyone could find their perfect guy to marry, that would never in a million years ask them to give up an animal they loved. But let's say it happened, YOU would need to take responsibility for deciding to marry that person, and instead of tossing them aside, make a real effort for it to work (compromise). If their reasons made no sense and consisted of "I just don't like animals", then maybe, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.


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## Freda (Jun 26, 2011)

I feel bad for you. I agree with most everyone else. Personally my husband would never ask me to give up my horse that I love so much, it would be very selfish of him to do so. Sounds to me like your horse is nothing more than bored and lonely. Your hubby needs to know the situation is temporary and you can get back to the barn soon. Your baby will sleep for the first three months of its life, so you will have lots of time here soon. After that a playpen in the yard or porch works. Your horse has been with you for so long that a new owner might not be in his best interest since he is an old guy, they get stressed out too. My doctor told me I could ride up till I delivered, don't know what your OB says. They always told me my baby was more protected than I was. As for your husband, tell him to take a chill pill and just don't argue with him about it anymore. I don't think he does understand and it doesn't seem to me he is trying very hard. To him he sees an animal, to you hes' a lifelong friend. You can no more give that horse up than you can your baby.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Well, I'm back again, I keep thinking about this. It's much more selfish to keep the horse and not be able to afford to feed it or the baby than it is to rehome it. I'm sorry, although I am sorry it happened, I can understand it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

> Well, I'm back again, I keep thinking about this. It's much more selfish to keep the horse and not be able to afford to feed it or the baby than it is to rehome it. I'm sorry, although I am sorry it happened, I can understand it.


Selling or re-homing the horse is not the problem. How it happened is what a lot of us have issue with.


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

She had the horse for years and years, gets married, is a stay at home wife/ mother to be, so the horse is now his????
NO WAY.
She is taking care of the household, and will soon be raising that baby. Is that not a contribution??
Wow, I just feel like us women were set back 50 years.
OP, I am sorry you lost YOUR horse.


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

I wonder what will happen when there is a disagreement about how to raise the child?


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Yes, when they entered into the marriage it became as much his horse as hers. 
I am also factoring in the fact that her feelings are very hurt, that she admitted she and her husband discussed it several times and all of the things you guys are. I'm not a hard hearted person, much the opposite, but I am a realist. 
If you will read, you will also notice that I have expressed my regret, and the hope that her marriage grow into one of respect, love and discussion, such as mine....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

Cakemom, I am usually in agreement of a lot of what you post. I think that's why it caught me so off guard!
I will concede that when you marry, you pool your assets and your debts, thereby making it Their horse, on paper anyway. But not His horse, which is what I understood that you said.
I just find this situation very sad and upsetting.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

As do I, don't get me wrong, I guess I'm just looking at it from the outside. I was speaking legally. 
I'm very lucky in my marriage I shall say though, so I will hope to never have to be on the inside of this situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freda (Jun 26, 2011)

No its' not HIS horse, its' Their horse and primarily HERS, he knew she had it before they were married, HE accepted the responsibility of its' care. They didn't discuss anything, THEY had ARGUED over it. Several times. I've been married 37 years and ultimatums have never been part of our contract, whether I have worked or not. And besides, my husband couldn't afford to pay me what I'm worth on a 24 hour basis. Sorry cakemom, I have to respectfully disagree with you.


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

I totally understand. I hope their relationship is not as it's been portrayed. 
OP, how are you doing? Have you and husband discussed all of this? Always remember in your marriage that arguements will get you nowhere. 
Hugs, and hope that things are well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

Page 1 (long reply)
Sorry it took me to long to respond, I've had alot of my mind. Okay to clear things up. Yes I know I'm still young, and yes over the years my dad (who raised me) has always been there for me "financially". But he's been very sick the past few years, always in and out of hospital, and finally last year he went into a nursing home with demetia and will never be able to live at home again.So for the past year I've had to learn to grow up, and not depend on my "daddy" for financial assistance. Was I spoiled growing up, very much so.But I have grown up quite a bit. All my life since I was a child I've had to take care of my dad, because of his medical conditions, I never got a childhood. And since both sides of the family had horses, I grew up with them. THEY were my childhood, they were my life, as was Dream was. As for hubby, we've been together 5 years. And finally got married last year. Obviously we're still "newlyweds", but we have been living together for 5 years. He's not as bad as maybe my posts came out to be, I was probably "typing" out of stress,fustration, and emotion. So I'll breifly describe how things have been. For 5 years, hubby has helped me with my father.At one point he even had to quit a job to stay home and help take care of dad with me. (now how many man do that for their ladies? Esp within the first year of dating?) Anyways, things have always been easy for us, BECAUSE of my dad, not emotionally and physically because of having to do what we had to do for him, but financially, it was ... heaven.. sad to say, but true. Even then though, Jason would always not ness. put "down" my horses, but always see them as such a "strain" on things. I had 6. I too would rescue them, work with them, and find them great homes. I may be young, but I know what I'm doing when it comes to riding/showing/training as well. Not that I'm bragging up, I'm just saying I did my part and to help animals in need myself. It was a passion. My lifelong dream was to open up an Equine Center to offer boarding,lessons,rescue,shows, and clinics.. which my father and I were looking into, until his health took a downward spiral. Anyways....... Jason always seen horses as a .. how do I put it. .nucense? extra un-needed responsibility? Something along those lines. But, he still "somehwhat" supported me, and he did infact help me witht he horses I've had over the years, and yes that includes Dream. He's always been the one to do all the "manly" work around the house, always has been since we've been together because dad couldn't do anything. I honestly don't know where I'd be, where my dad would be, and where our house and how everything is, if it wasn't for him. But, when my dad went into the nursing home, so did his finances, that i'm not able to touch, even though dad tries. (LONG story there)..
So this past year we had to pay for our own wedding no help from family.. pay for all the household bills, and I mean everything.. and sadly, honsetly, I never knew adults with a home had such a hard time. Yes I've lived in apts before but.. being in a home is totally different.. we had tot ake over everything.. payments,bills,food,necessities, just everything. I'm not complaining, it's life, and I'm adjusting, slowly.It just hit me in the face hard and quick that's all. But we're making it. Anyways so because of everything hitting (esp me) so fast we tend to argue about finances quite a bit. A bit about me.. I have some issues, I have depression, anxiety, as well as "borerline personality disorder" (sort of like bi-poilar but different). Well over the year's it's gotten worse. And it's hard for me to work. It's not that i dont like working, I actually enjoy it, but I just can't handle it. And I haven't worked in almost 2 years. I just can't. I start off alright, and then the way I am, takes over and I just can't handle it. I see a co unsler every week, I WAS on meds (even though it didnt do THAT much difference) but I stopped as soon as i found out I was preggers last winter). Anyways, so because of that, and Jason's income being the only one it's definatelly hard. We're honestly behind on almost all bills. We still pay them, just sometimes we can't afford the whole bill so then we make payments and.. so on so on.. and of course just keep digging ourselves further behind. It's been a struggle for a while now, and there have been times we've gone without hardly any food just so Dream has his hay & grain. hubby didn't like it.. and would argue about it, but he never "threatned" me to get rid of him before. He still, even though I know he wasn't fond of the idea, help me out with him and helped me with whatever I needed. Then, I found out I was pregnant Jan 3rd. And that's when the fighting got more frequent. He kept saying that maybe we should sell Dream because financially it's tough, and then expecting a little one is going to make it more tough. And the extra responsibility..and just everything along those matters. Well I was taking care of Dream (and yes the whole household chores everyday) myself up until a few months back.. I'm sort of a "high risk" pregnancy and my doc said I need to slow myself down, or she'd put me on bed-rest. I asked about riding durring my pregnancy, TRUST ME haha, but from the very beginging she said no (esp because I've had 2 misscarriages in the past). But for the past few months I've shown signs of early labor.. plus I got gestational diabetes, as well as high blood pressure. And each day, my contracts and symptoms get stronger.. So.. that being said, after everything, and then the past few months of Dream acting up (probably because he wasn't gettnig the best attention he was used to) and when he came home seeing me doing what I was doing trying to catch him, and how he was acting rearing and running and such.. and my 8month pregnant belly waddling as fast as I could he was upset, ****ed, and worried. Anyways, I know Jason wasn't a horse person, and I knew all along he wasn't fond of the horse owning, but he put up with it. But I think because of everything we've been through, that we're going through, and then the tough pregnancy everything combined and he tweaked. I can't say I blame him when I really stop to think ab out it, but I wish it was different.. I wish he acted the way he did differently. I know I'm unable to care for Dream right now, and fighting with hubby to do so is so.. draining. I think, if he had something he loved so much he could relate to, of if he had been an "animal/horse" person the way I am, he could probably relate. But he hasn't.. he had a hard life growing up. Military family, father who beat him,his brother and sis, and his mother.Had to work for eve rything he owned.. he never had the chance to have luxery like I have. Could it be part jelousy? I've always thought so because of certain wa ys he's acted, esp when dad was still home. But, he knew that. He knew that's how my life was. And he know's Im struggling dealing with everything. I have no family up here in ****-hole northern Maine. I'm originally from Rhode Island, dad wanted to move back in 2001 which I DIDNT but awell. what's a 13yr old to do. So I have no family, which i USED to be VERY close to, I have no "real" friends, I'm a homebody, a loner, know some people, but can't have the luck to call them actual "friends". So, I don't have anyone to talk to, lean on, I have no support system.


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

Page2 (long reply)
Honestly, if I knew more people, or if there were more "horsey" people in m y area.. frig yes I would have tried to do what I could about Dream. Honestly, I had tried a few months back when jason and I were REALLY arguing about everything.. when we found out I was such high-risk pregnancy. Nobody around here wanted him, or was into leasing, or even ppl helping out with him in return for lessons when I'm back on my feet, NOR would anyone even help out for MONEY. that's how people are up here.. they suck. We are litterally out in the boonies, the type of ppl up here are so bad, they tell you they'll be there, and then never sh ow up, never call, nothing. They're the type of people that are nice to your face, and talk **** behind your back. And I can't stand people like that. I wish we were in a more populated area, or close to my family, or something. It killed me to have to make this choice. I know.. well, I'm not sure if it's really the BESTthing.. but in some ways, deep down, I know Dream would be better off somewhere else, at least for a little while. But like I had mentioned, I had no one to help me. I even asked a few horse ppl that I do know (sort of know) if he could stay there, I supply his feed/hay and if they'd just..take care of him for me, and we could work something out. but nope.. ppl didn't want to hear it. I'm not the type of person to do that either, and i'm not the type of person to screw ppl over. I'm just not like that. As for some of you...
As for some of you who posts things such as saying my excuse is my pregnancy, and I'm using that, just like other ppl use it for dogs and other animals.. that is NOT me. Hell no! I would NEVER use something like as an excuse. Am I having a to ugh pregnancy, yes.. but it's many other factors comming in to play here. I still have 2 dogs. And one of them I actually rescued a while back because "this girls fiance didnt want the dog anymore and the guy wanted to move to another apartment which supposeably didnt allow dogs" and I see those ads online ALL the time about ppl having a baby, or moving. It's sickening! I agree! How can someone have a dog for 10+ years, and then up and get rid of him? up and take him to the shelter if no one takes him? I get upset about that stuff too.. and I'm very offended and hurt that people would think that of me. Maybe I wasn't totally clear, in my post.. but I did mention other things like financially, and things like that.. so for ppl to judge and say I was just using all of this as an excuse to get rid of my best friend, I dont friggin think so.
Dream means the world to me, and we're having tough times in different aspects. Deep down I knew this was comming for the past few months, I just didn't think it would happen t his quick, nor I didnt think hubby would tweak the way he did. That, i didnt agree with. But, I can somewhat understand his point, he just should have went a different way with how he acted.
Anyways, I am hurt. Dream is my best friend.. I feel as if part of me died yesterday.. 16 years is a long time, esp when it involves childhood. I feel like 3/4 of my life has faded.. this morning when I went outside to let the dogs out, it hit me again when I seen his pasture.. and there.. was no Dream. It's going to take me sometime to get used to this choice/fact. I just hope in the end it was best.. not only for us, but for Dream. I just pray he gets a good home. Since the guy did admit he would work with him fora bit and then sell him. Even though I'm not fond of the place (its not that it's bad, just some of the ppl there I can't stand and just.. different things) but I am allowed to come see him i just need to call first. that is, until he sells him. I'm HOPING and PRAYING that somehow, we can get through everything.. and somehow.. get our finances back on track and maybe.. just maybe... manage to possibly talk Jason into it, and try to swing buying him so I can once again have the love of my life.


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## GypsyRose (Jul 3, 2011)

DAWNDALEBOUT, First and foremost, cypberhug to you my friend, I feel your pain, been there done that! I too married a non-animal person, and yet here I am years (20+) later, and own a horse, a newly acquired donkey, (hubby's idea not mine) 3 dogs, a barn full of cats, 2 very large fish ponds in the yard and one fish tank in the house. And hubby is still not a "true" animal person. But at one point early in our marriage, I owned a mare, and she and hubby did not get along, I could ride her, I would put the kids on her back (3 and 5 at the time) and never ever worried about something happening to them. She was my dream mare, but she didn't like hubby and he didn't like her, he tried to ride, and she would just stand there no matter what he did, so I would ride her away from the barn, and then he could get on her, and she would just walk to the barn, lol didn't go where he wanted, just walked to the barn. We grow our own hay, so yes hubby played a huge part in her care, as he would do the haying, we would get into fights about her all the time, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why he didn't like her so much. One day it came to blows, he said to me, "Its the horse or me!" I looked right at him and told him he didn't want me to pick right now, cause he would lose and I walked away. Now many of you may get mad at me for this next statement, and I don't care how old fashioned it sounds, I got married for better or worse, a lifelong commitment. And yes eventually I sold the horse, my marriage was more important to me, because that's what marriage is suppose to be! (and then bought a different horse) If he thought I would give up horses that easy he was wrong! And yes there have still been arguments over the horses, but in those years he finally admitted, the reason he doesn't like the horses is because their size and unpredictability scares the crap out of him! And my original mare was 16.2 hands and 1200lbs, she was a big girl! So while it may be hard now, you did the right thing, and really I do think I understand your hubby's point of view also, he is scared to death about what is coming around the corner, I too was a stay at home Mom when the kids were young and he supported everything, it sounds to me like you got a good man who is trying to live up to the responsibility's of being the sole money maker and providing for his family. Its a lot of stress for a man worried about whether or not they are going to be able to keep the roof over your head and provide enough food and diapers, also OMG Am I going to be a good daddy. Yes, he is not going to see the fact that your horse is your bestest friend in the world and giving him up is like giving up a parent or a child because he doesn't have that bond with him, to him, its just money flying out the window that could be used to pay a bill or the mortgage. I understand how the stress of this can build and build until suddenly it comes down to a point where something dangerous happens, ie you chasing the horse around the yard, and he just sees you or the baby getting hurt, because that's what he saw when he pulled in the driveway, to him you and that baby are more important then that horse, and if he has to do the hard thing by finding a new home for the horse to keep you safe, then by golly that's what he is going to do! You see, as important as that horse was to you, you and your baby are that important or more so to him! And all he wants to do is keep you safe. Just know that deep in your heart, as long as the barn and the pasture are still there, there is hope for another lifelong horse partner in your future, That door has not been closed and locked for your lifetime! Concentrate now on keeping you and your baby healthy, and when the time is right, and the money situation is better, just mention that ad in the paper about a really nice horse for sale, or even better maybe just maybe you can keep in touch with Dream and his new owners and they may be willing to sell an old horse back to its original owner, and he can live out his days with you. Good luck in your new life, my best wishes to you!


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

GypsyRose- Thank you.. thank you for understanding.. and knowing how hard this is for me. You really nabbed the reasons on the butt, and that's exactly how I think it is. Even though it's so very hard on me, I need to understand hubby's point of view and not be so selfish. I love Dream more than anything at least... so i thought... and I will always love him. But in the long run, I have a family now, a husband, and soon a child. I can't be selfish.. I need to do what's best.. it's just.. I wish it didnt have to turn out this way. I wish we could have worked through it a little bit longer.. I just hope and pray that I dont resent our baby about Dream.. i know it's a sad thing to think about but.. I just I don't.. As for keeping in touch with him, I'm going to try. So maybe, just maybe someday I could get him back and he can live out the rest of his few years peacefully with his friend he's known,loved, and trusted for so long. As for getting another horse.. honestly, I just don't know.. this has really taken a toll on me. And I know how many ppl say oh i could never get another horse/dog/cat/pet ect ect.. I honestly have ah ole in my heart now.. I can't even look at another horse.. there's a few ppl with horses on our road and a few times I've had to go by since Dream left.. I can't look.. I look away, and cry.. and I keep telling myself my horse days are over.. I'm so young still.. I hope not.. but that's how I feel.. maybe someday the pain will be less and I could handle it.. but until then, Dream will always have my heart, and he will always be my only horse.. :'(


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## GypsyRose (Jul 3, 2011)

Yes Dear, you are young, and when I was 20 I too had to give up my first horse, my sole mate, and friend who helped me through the hard teenage years, I had her at home while I was growing up, bought her as a baby and did all her training, showed her, rode her in parades and we were inseparable. But when I moved out of my parents house she had to go too, so I moved her to a boarding stable where I kept her for years, but I had to work 3 jobs just so I could pay her board, and my rent and bills, therefore, I had no time to spend with her, maybe 2 days a month or so. One day I got a letter from the BO stating that she would like to buy her and use her as a lesson horse, and would give her a great home, (of course, she had already been there for years, I knew it would be a great home) so because it was best for her, I let her go and cried for weeks, and quit one job cause I didn't need it anymore, and then argued with myself that I sold her cause now I had some free time. but I only had the free time cause I sold her. I thought too that never ever could I open my heart to another horse, and that was the end of the road for me. But like I said here I am years later and have a new horse who has not become the love of my life yet, but she fills the void nicely. Keep your chin up, things happen for a reason, and who knows, Dream may end up in a "dream home" Like my mare did, after a few years of being a lesson horse she was sold to a couple who loved her and cared for her and would not part with her, (believe me when we bought our farm I tracked her down and tried buying her back, and they said no way she is the best horse they have ever owned and they would keep her forever!) So she was in a good place and I moved on. You will find a new friend someday, I know it hurts now, and it will for a while, but don't blame the baby or your husband, its what had to be done because of the circumstances, and things someday will change, and your heart will open up again for a new love. Chin up, I promise it will happen.


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

We all feel for you, Dawn and our hearts go out to you. Sometimes there isn't a perfect solution; you just have the make the best of the situation at hand, and it sounds like your husband, despite the fact that he may have made a mistake this time, is a good person who loves you. And don't forget, you got to share 15 years with Dream!!! You had a wonderful, amazing relationship that you can cherish, and that you will never lose! How many people get to share that much time with an animal they love? Or even with a person they love? It's so hard right now because it's fresh and painful, but hopefully one day you will remember the joy that he brought you, without the pain of his loss. I can relate to so much of your post, having had 2 high-risk pregnancies and being in a bad financial position at the time too... I've also had to sell a horse I adored for financial reasons. It gets better. And don't worry, once your child is born your love will grow so exponentially, there won't be any room for resentment  Hugs, and take care of yourself and the baby!


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

I just.. I don't know how to cope.. I'm a very emotional person as it is, and already have "depression" issues and such.. I just dont know what to do.. I know it's going to be fresh, and always will be a sensitive matter and painfull but I keep trying to think of the best and positive. It seems like everytime I go outside even on the porch, I see the pasture.. and he isn't there :'( Or.. I look out and see the barn, knowing his stall is there.. but he isn't.. In the hallway by the door, I see a half used 50lb bag of alfalfa cubes, he's not here to give them to.. In the fridge there's still apples and carrots in there.. but hey have no use now. I was thinking last night/this morning (since I've been up all night. Jason even woke up around 2am because I woke up screaming Dream's name and c rying) and I was debating maybe I should have Jason take the pasture down when he has time on Sunday (his only day off) but.. even if it were down.. that pasture would still be there.. and even though he's not there, I can still see him out there... I just.. don't nkow how to cope.. how do I try to make things less painfull... I have other tack, but my favorite expensive roping saddle is on the saddle rack right in my living room, with the saddle pad.. and his favorite only would ever use copper tom thumb bit hanging with his bridle over the horn that he's used for years.. I take one look over in the corner here and there it is.. should I sell it? should i put it out in the barn.. so it's out of my sight? Should I get rid of everything that reminds me of him? i just dont know what to do. I'm sitting here c rying and not try ing to get myself in a hysterical state because im trying to keep calm because of this baby... and now that he's gone.. and the deal is over n done with.. all i can do is hate myself.. and keep thinking i had made the biggest mistake of my life. that.. maybe I should have just held on.. bit my tongue and keep t rying to manage.. even if hubby and i still faught, just.. ignored the situation and tried my best.. or hating myself for even though it's hard for me to work because of my "issues" I should have pushed myself more.. and MADE m yself work no matter what.. then maybe.. we wouldn't have faught so much, because i'd be bringing in an income too, and then I would still have Dream.. I keep hating and blaming myself in so many ways. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it, esp anyone that would understand what i'm going th rough.. Everytime I bust out crying, if Jason's around he says "what's wrong, why you crying?" it's like GEESH I WONDER WHY.. and then he says "oh ab out the **** horse".. and that's all he says.. but then hugs me.. he just doesn't get it and understand.. you'd think he'd be a bit more sympothetic about the situation.. after all if it was solely up to me, I would have just kept doing what we were doing and still have Dream. Even if we are dead broke.. even if I have to waddle my pregnant butt and take care of him myself.. I wo uld have.. if he wouldn't have argued with me about him all the time, I wouldn't feel so guilty about everything and gave in so easily.. even though it was the hardest thing Iv'e ever had to do.. so.. I'm asking.. how do I cope?


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## cakemom (Jul 4, 2010)

Pretty soon your way to cope is going to pop out of that belly honey, and your world is going to change again. Things are as I surmised reading your last posts. I wish it could be different for you, I truly do. You've had a rough time of it. God bless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rlcarnes (Jul 12, 2011)

I can totally relate to your situation. I got married in June of 2010 (and I am now 23 too) and it has been a struggle ever since. I know it is hard for you and you feel like you will never love another horse again. Just remember that your body is under a lot of stress now esp with you being a high risk pregnancy. Try to keep calm or else you could go into early labor which is not good for you or your family. My husband and I live off of $40 a week for groceries just to be able to feed my horse. Luckily I married a horse person but his horse is only 12 and he just looks at oats and gets fat. My horse is currently eating better than I do just to keep weight on. But it is looking like more and more that I might have to get rid of my horse of almost 10 years because of our finances. My horse got me through the toughest part if my life and I want to make sure that I can take care of him for his. I don't blame your husband for being worried if he hasn't been around horses to have a connection he will never get it. Some day when you hit the jackpot you'll be able to get another horse. It will NEVER be the same as your dream but it will fill another place in your heart that you didn't even know was there. 

As for some of the posters I have to say that I am appalled that you would make such comments to a fellow horse person. Would you rather have her reach out for a friend and some guidance or just lose her house and have a baby homeless too? I think that they were unfair remarks. Talk is tough but you will never know what you would do in that situation until you have been. I always said "oh I'll never get rid of my horse" but when i can't feed him anymore you better believe that he is gone. 
As for her husband dictating her- um they can't afford to feed themselves and they have a baby on the way do you really blame him for his worry? I'd be freaked out too remember that he is probably young too and learning to be a husband and a dad right around the corner. Cut him some slack.

OP I am truly sorry for your loss and I feel awful for what you are feeling **Hugs** If it doesn't hurt to think about it too much just think that he might get sold to a young girl and give her all the same good memories that you had with him. To everything there is a purpose.

(as a side note... With your history of depression and with what you are going through now please, please get a thorough post- partum depression screening when you leave the hospital after having your baby. Baby blues can turn bad really quick. If they don't please insist on it.) (I'm a nursing student and I worry about high risk preggers  it is only out of love *Hugs*


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

Dawn, I can completely relate to your situation, even if my posts seemed like I was attacking you, I wasn't. I just couldn't go along with the attack on your husband for doing something I could totally understand. While my husband hasn't reached his breaking point YET, I don't doubt that it could still get here some day, and I can't say I'll be able to blame him when that day comes. As I said before, I would probably let us go bankrupt before I finally gave up my horses, if it were left up to me. Thank goodness it's not. I'm ashamed to admit that sometimes I force my husband into being a dictator. I'm only 26 and still getting over my spoiled childhood. But that's life, sometimes we're like that. The good thing, and I see this in you, is that I recognize that fault I have and don't throw away my marriage over it. It's real easy for women who aren't married to say you're husband doesn't care. They're going to have a wakeup call one of these days. A marriage works two ways, if he needs to take responsibility for marrying a horse person, you need to take responsibility for marrying someone who wasn't. Basically there is no right answer to every problem. Marraige is all about sacrifice and compromise.


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## dawndalebout (Jul 23, 2011)

rlcarnes- Thank you.. and it is hard isn't it.. debating whether to get groceries, pay bills, or take care of our horses that we love. It's so hard. We had a new car we got in December, found out we were expecting in January (which was a nice safe car, 07 Ford Fivehundred plus we have a 98 GMC Sierra pickup) and a few months back we had to take back the car because our payments were about $100 a week.. and our credit sucks because when we were both 18 we loved the plastic cards, granite we don't have ALOT of debit, but it's there.. and because of that little credit score, it screws us on alot of things. So for the past few months yes we've been saving almost $400 a month which has been a tad easier, but at the same time since we're behind on all bills, and just making minimum payments, they still keep wracking up h igher and higher.. with previous balences, intrest, and then current balence dues.. it's hard. And then food, ha.. that's a sore spot. We're "budget" shoppers when it comes to food, and yes I do the whole "coupon" thing to try n squeeze pennies, but.. still hard. And then buying baby things over the months it adds up. We FINALLY got "almost" everything we need for the baby. The only things we need now is breast pump, some more crib/bassinet/playpen sheets and mattress covers.. and a few other little things. So that's been taking alot of our money through the months. We were "sadly" getting food stamp assistance even though it was only for $53/month it still helped some.. but now since hubby's getting better harvest due to time of year that just dropped to only $16. Our caseworker said that durring my 3rd trimester Ic ould come in and apply for TANF (temp cash assistance) to help us out, well.. that was a no go as they're seeing we have too much income. How, with all the bills is beyond me but.. we do. I mean, I hate to have to depend/rely and ask state for help, but with the situation's we've been in lately it was worth a try to put our pride down and seek help.. Even though we somehow didn't qualify. I mean, we've been trying and learning to budget alot lately but even that.. it's hard. The one thing that I know would save us money is smoking. I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant, believe it or not it wasn't actualy that hard, maybe because I thought what was best for baby? But hubby on the other hand.. he just can't.. i've seen him try and that isn't pleasent.. plus i just don't think he has the "will power" to do so.. So that's an added expense every week for ciggarettes. He has been talking about t rying to quit again though, so hopefuly he does for the sake of our baby (not wanting second hand smoke even though he'd be doing it outside like he is now, it'd still be on his clothes, breath ect ect) and plus it'd save us even more money we could use.. so.. ah.. anyways.
Oh, and I too think about the post-pardom thing.. I hope I'm not like that.. but a part of me is scared after the baby's born that I might change.. because of my depression issues.. these recent issues with Dream.. and also because the way my mother was.. my mother wasn't in my life, she left when I was 2, bopped in and out my whole life as she pleased.. all she cared about was drugs, alcohol and men.. so .. she's not the best influence.. and even though i KNOW I will NEVER be like my mother (it's alot worse but I won't go into detail how she is, or what she's done) it still scares me and and I keep thinking.. what if.. what if I am a crappy mother like she was? I know I wont.. it's just.. a fear I've been having lately.But thanks, I can see your concern about everything.. and I too worry about all of it.. and I agree I dont want to have early labor.. even though this weekend has been extremely hard on me.. I'm really trying my hardest to keep it together because I dont want nothing bad to happen to me, or baby. And when i went in for my app today ( i go twice a week because of the high risk t hing) my blood pressure was quite high.. so.. I'm trying to take it easy, and keep calm....


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

Dawn, I will admit I didn't read your entire reply because there's no paragraphs and it's difficult for my eyes to read all that in one lump.

What I get from the parts I skimmed is that you have no money to care for the horse right now. 

That is fine, it happens, selling a horse because you can't afford it is nothing to be ashamed of. 

The issue myself and I think some others have is HOW you rehomed that horse. By allowing your husband to run over you and do whatever he wanted instead of it being a compromise and a mutual decision. We don't live 50 years in the past anymore, the man's way is not the only way.

*You teach people how to treat you.* He will probably react the same way again to another situation and will continue to make choices for you. Because it was allowed before it will continue to happen. 

If you are ok with that set up between the two of you, then fine. Continue. 

If you want him to change how he reacts, then YOU need to change too and not allow that type of behavior.

Whisper, if you need your husband to dictate to you then you married a father and not a husband.


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## mgarzon (Jul 23, 2011)

rlcarnes, i just wanted to say that was a really nice post. your compassion shines through your words. i'll bet you'll be a great nurse 
ps good advice about the post-partum screening - i've seen it too.


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## Whisper22 (Jan 2, 2011)

Coffeeaddict, with all do respect, you don't know me or my husband. I married him because he's a good man, an awsome father, and a very hard worker. He knows how to take care of his family and tries his hardest to make me happy, even when I'm being difficult. I don't know if you're married, I don't remember you saying, but if you are what a lucky man that he has such a perfect wife that never does anything wrong. Not all men are that lucky, and I'm not going to pretend I'm that perfect. Let's be realistic here. The OP is younger than I am and admitted to growing up spoiled, while her husband has a better grasp on the value of a dollar because he has had to work hard all his life. It could work the other way around too, it's not about being a man or a woman. I hate when people turn it into that. There are times when I put my husband in his place too, if you don't want to call it dictating, call it something else, I don't care. It is what it is.


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## rlcarnes (Jul 12, 2011)

mgarzon said:


> rlcarnes, i just wanted to say that was a really nice post. your compassion shines through your words. i'll bet you'll be a great nurse
> ps good advice about the post-partum screening - i've seen it too.


Thanks I hope I will be  There are 2 sides to every story and you don't know until you've heard both. 

Dawn I hope that you can one day find a horse that can fill your heart like Dream did. (Well if there is any room left after that baby comes!) I have no doubt that you will be a great mother as much love as you had for your horse I can't even imagine how much you will love your baby. 
As for cutting bills... My husband chews tobacco so I know the whole smoking/ chew thing. I hate it but it is pretty much his only vice so I deal- No kisses until he brushes his teeth  Kudos on quitting smoking your baby will really appreciate it!! I would really try to get him to quit b4 baby though- tell him that you sacrificed your horse now its his turn to compromise 
Isn't it amazing how little you can make and still not qualify for any kind of assistance? I have had to pay my way through school even though together my hubby and I make less than 20,000 and with out ANY aid. So I had better get a job as soon as I graduate or those loans will eat me! 

On thing that I just thought of is that you should (with out too much emotion, I know seems impossible) try to sit down with your husband and just express how much you loved that horse and that you did this to benefit the family. Ask him to understand that a huge part of your life is now gone and you need time to adjust. If you guys can get through this rough patch than you guys can make it through just about anything. This is something that will either break or make your marriage. 

It seems that ever since I said I do, it has been nothing but rough patches, he got laid off, lost the house, I took 2 jobs, then he took a job over the road as a truck driver- gone for 4 months at a time. It was hell. He came home and for the first time in months we both had jobs at the same time. We were finally making headway on our bills and saving for a change- then bam I lost my job and I have been looking for one ever since. Oh, yeah we had to pay for our wedding too and it was such a horrible (Musician didn't show, decorations were all out of whack, dad tried to start a fist fight with my now husband on and on) but awesome day that I haven't spoken to my parents since (June of 2010).
Just remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel (for me it is graduating for you it is your baby or maybe a horse down the line  And we will make it!! I wish you and your husband all the best in the future and remember to post baby pics!!!! *Hugs*


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## coffeeaddict (Jun 18, 2010)

Whisper, I don't think you get what I'm trying to say here. You are missing the point, and I'm unsure of how else to get it across. So I will stop now so this doesn't turn into an endless back and forth that gets nowhere.


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## tinyliny (Oct 31, 2009)

I did wade through every post, even the ones that are gigantic, unbroken walls of text. (putting in a plug here for some paragraph breaks!)

I see a couple of points resurface. Some folks were irritated that the husband seemed to coerce the helpless young wife to give up lifelong horse friend. Even though the OP repeatedly stressed that there WERE real powerful , undeniable reasons for them to not really be able to keep a horse anymore.

And some folks were irritated that the OP didn't take responsibility for the decision but continued to put herself in the position of the one who resisted this but gave in and now is resentful. They felt that she should have taken responisibility for her half of a decision that appears to be the only reasonable one that could be made, given the circumstances.

I am more of the second of those two camps Although I sympathize with how devistating this decision must have been, I think that the OP must not put all the weight of this decision on her husband. This makes him into the "meanie" and to be honest, will force him to be defensive about the whole thing. I suspect he already feels internally angry that she "made" him do the inevitable but dirty deed and when she cries out her anguish and sadness ands wants him to "hear" her, he is not fully free to give a sympathetic ear there is an unspoken placement of blame on him every time she speaks of her feelings of loss.

If the decision had been mutually reached and both had admitted that it was unavoidable and both agreed, then she could grieve deeply her loss without him feeling any need to be defensive .


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## Dresden (Jun 24, 2011)

tinyliny said:


> I did wade through every post, even the ones that are gigantic, unbroken walls of text. (putting in a plug here for some paragraph breaks!)
> 
> I see a couple of points resurface. Some folks were irritated that the husband seemed to coerce the helpless young wife to give up lifelong horse friend. Even though the OP repeatedly stressed that there WERE real powerful , undeniable reasons for them to not really be able to keep a horse anymore.


I think although I may be wrong, that a lot of people reacted to the original post and not the op's subsequent posts. In the first, she does not really give many reasons other than pregnant and husband hates horse. More or less. She briefly mentions finances but does not say they can't afford him but that hubby hates spending money on him. Anyway, I believe that is why most people reacted the way they did. 

The reasons she explains later on are more compelling and much better reasons than simply blaming the husband. I also found the husbands ultimatum in the first post disturbing but the entire situation as a whole make more sense after reading her later posts. 

Anyway, another plug for paragraph breaks. They are awesome. And to the op, people might have spent more time reading your later posts and trying to understand the rest of the circumstances if they were broken up. Not trying to be bossy but helpful. You will get further on internet forums if you use paragraph break 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

Dawn, I want to send you a thank you for taking the time to write those long posts detailing more history with your DH and the long-standing difficulties about the horse -- really any horse. That must have been hard for you to do. I hope that will give some thought to people who were quick to jump on nasty assumptions about someone who sounds, all in all, like a very good man.

It doesn't sound like you entered into this marriage blindly. Looking back, you can see the history building up to the recent decision about Dream. You did make efforts to find another way out, but it just wasn't happening. You (both of you) ended up in a tight situation and a decision had to be made when your health became at risk. As hard as it is, you will now have more time to look after your marriage, your new baby and your own health. These are all important, LIFE-LONG commitments. 

Remember that you married your man, not your horse. And as much as any animal can be therapy for someone, if it is putting finances, health and relationships at a strain, priorities have to be deliminated. Your husband's priorities sound like they are in line for a marriage. Your ability to reason out his thoughts are also a very positive contribution.

I'll bet your husband feels guilty for your pain. He can pretend to slough it off with saying, "Oh it's about that dang horse," but he is feeling the sadness and it probably hurts him too. Not that the horse is gone, but that you are upset. And, yes, he may not understand your emotions over this, especially given the upbringing he has had. He has likely always had to deal with "the facts of life." Food, clothing and shelter are priority. He is protecting his family. As tough as it is when priorities need to be pared down.

As others have posted, this doesn't have to be the end of horses in your life, just a break for a while so you can focus on other things. Lots of other good things to come. Chin up.

As for your horsey items, can you learn to look at them and recall the fun you had? If so, keep them around like a happy photograph. You can hold your baby on the saddle. When (s)he is old enough, (s)he can sit on it all by her/himself. If you can't see any of the happiness in the items, then by all means put them away for a while. If you do that, be sure to store them properly. I would highly advise against selling them. They don't cost anything to have around and you may want to use them again!!!

Hugs, girl!


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## Jessabel (Mar 19, 2009)

OP, I cannot begin to fathom what a nightmare it must be to give up a horse you've had for that long. I've only had my beloved for 5 years, and the thought of ever having to part with him makes me _sick_.

Maybe you should have told your husband up front when you first met that you would never part with your horse, and if he didn't accept that, it would never work out. If you have to give up your dream for some guy, you're with the wrong guy.


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## NorthernMama (Mar 12, 2008)

Jessabel said:


> Maybe you should have told your husband up front when you first met that you would never part with your horse, and if he didn't accept that, it would never work out. If you have to give up your dream for some guy, you're with the wrong guy.


Jessabel -- that's nasty hindsight that probably isn't even accurate. When the OP is going through a tough time, asking her to question her decisions with her marriage is uncalled for and negative at the very least. Fact is that she IS married and she DOES have respect for what happened. That doesn't make it easier for her to deal with emotionally, but we can only try to help her through the current situation. And to help her find the positive things in her life NOW and going forward.


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## rlcarnes (Jul 12, 2011)

NorthernMama said:


> Jessabel -- that's nasty hindsight that probably isn't even accurate. When the OP is going through a tough time, asking her to question her decisions with her marriage is uncalled for and negative at the very least. Fact is that she IS married and she DOES have respect for what happened. That doesn't make it easier for her to deal with emotionally, but we can only try to help her through the current situation. And to help her find the positive things in her life NOW and going forward.


Thank you!!! Walk a mile in some one elses shoes and your eyes will be opened! She needs to stay positive!


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

Freda said:


> I don't think he does understand and it doesn't seem to me he is trying very hard. To him he sees an animal, to you hes' a lifelong friend. You can no more give that horse up than you can your baby.


I'm sorry, but I have to say that I totally can't agree with this opinion. Are you really saying here that in your mother's shoes, if she/you had been faced with a choice of keeping the horse, & losing the marriage versus giving YOU up when you were a baby -- that you would have kept the horse?!? 

I understand the emotion associated with giving up a heart horse. I've been married 34 years to a guy who bought my first horse for me, does all the heavy chores, scrimped and saved and built my barn with his own two hands so that we could have our 20 acre horse heaven. But....when we were younger there were times that I just didn't see that a horse was too much for me, or that we needed to make different choices with how we spent our money. He had the honesty and guts to make me see that hard choices had to be made. We still have that first horse, but I've sold one and rehomed one, based on his putting his foot firmly down. I'm not a pushover and it took a lot of backbone on his part...but the push came from his fearing that I was going to get hurt. At the time I was very upset and it took him years to make me rehome the one horse....but now I think he was right. In the end, he totally supported me shopping for another, better suited horse for me, and didn't blink an eye at the price. Every once in a while he reminds me that I wouldn't be having this much fun if I still had one of those other 2 horses...and he's right. 

Coming from a farming background, I know that generally horses don't bring in revenue for the family - they are an expense of time and money and farmers don't have much use for animals that don't contribute to food or paying the bills. Her husband, by her own statement, is working hard to support her and the baby. If he were working that hard with cattle, there would be money in it, for the good of the family. Honestly, horses are a luxury. Families are forever. Compromises need to be made for the good of relationships. I think it's a sign of maturity on her part that somewhere inside she knows this and is going along with the plan to rehome Dream, even though it's killing her. 

And, as a person who has 3 rescue dogs and bought one horse headed to slaughter, and is keeping a 32 year old and 30 year old horse in forever homes, I can say that rehomings have happy endings lots of times. I will keep my fingers crossed that Dream finds a home with someone who is as crazy about him as Dawn is.... and hugs to Dawn and the baby!


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## AlexS (Aug 9, 2010)

Dawn your posts are terribly hard to read as you don't use paragraphs, I did the best that I could before my head was swimming in words. 

I am sorry that you had to let your horse go, but it seems that you are now telling a different story than you were before. At first it was that you had no choice, your husband wanted the horse gone - now it is that you could not afford the horse anymore. 

For your marriage, if it is truly that you cannot afford the horse, I think you need to check your emotions a bit, as my marriage would not survive blame like that, especially if my hub was working the 70-80 hours a week, I think you said he was.


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## GypsyRose (Jul 3, 2011)

Yes, don't sell any of your horsie items! (unless absolutely necessary to pay bills or diaper the babies bottem,) because someday you will get a horse again, and like the old saying goes the cheapest part of owning a horse is buying the horse, you may have enough to buy a horse, but then you have to get a new saddle, and pad, and brushes and water bucket and so on. If you can keep them, keep them. I sold everything with my first horse too, and it took years to get it all back, good thing I had a wonderful neighbor who loaned me a saddle when I bought another horse so that at least I could ride in comfort.


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## Freda (Jun 26, 2011)

@Ladytrails, I was making the observation from her original post, that her Dream horse was just as important to her as her baby is, therefore would not want to give either one of them away. I was actually sympathizing with her.


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## Ladytrails (Jul 28, 2010)

Freda said:


> @Ladytrails, I was making the observation from her original post, that her Dream horse was just as important to her as her baby is, therefore would not want to give either one of them away. I was actually sympathizing with her.


Wow, missed that connection. Thanks for clarifying.


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## Skipsfirstspike (Mar 22, 2010)

The only people who say that they love their horse as much as their baby... are people who have never had a baby.
OP, you will be ok, because you are soon going to meet the most amazing love of your life.. your baby.
Whats done is done, now you need to focus on the future.
Try to remain calm. You can try square breathing when you get upset. That is breathe in for the count of 4, hold for the count of 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4, repeat.
Look forward to the possibility of maybe getting a 'dream horse' for your child when they are ready..


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## Holly17 (Jul 17, 2011)

OP - you are young and about to have the most amazing experience of your life. There have been periods in my life when I've had to go without horses, and motherhood was one of those times. But as my children got older, they started to ride and that was a very special time for me.

If horses are coarsing through your veins, and it sounds like they are, then they will come back to you. And Dream will always be one of those very special horses.


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